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stars-and-branches · 5 years ago

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Fun stuff to do while self-isolating

Websites:

1. Flight Rising - A cute dragon breeding browser game, good for 15-30 minutes of entertainment.

2. Kiss Anime, Kiss Cartoon, Kiss Comics - Free anime, cartoons and comics available for binging. USE AD BLOCK and antivirus when browsing through these websites, otherwise, pop-ups and ads will be unbearable. No links provided because these websites change domains and URLs often.

3. TV Tropes - I can get lost on this website for hours reading about the tropes and plot points my favorite media use. I recommend this especially for writers or people interested in fiction.

4. Bored Button - Randomly sends you to interactive websites, great for relieving a couple of minutes or to laugh at something silly, like a website that allows you to slap Captain Kirk.

5. Archive of Our Own and Fanfiction.net - These are the giants of the fanfiction writing community and are home to a vast collection of stories about your favorite characters.

6. Goodreads - This is a good place to go to find book recommendations, make lists of what you want to read, and keep track of reading goals.

Youtube Channels:

1. Jessica Kellgren-Fozard - A 50s aesthetic combined with educational videos about disability. Jessica has a lovely personality and has served as a well-loved voice of the spoonie community.

2. Acoustic Trench - Videos of Acoustic music featuring a golden retriever, what’s not to like?

3. Rare Earth - This channel explores the lesser-known stories of people all around the world.

4. Simone Giertz - She builds robots that don’t work and has a lovely personality!

5. Mike Boyd - He constantly works on learning new skills and uploads his journey on his channel.

6. ElleOfTheMills - Elle Mills makes vlogs about her life. The videos are so high quality that watching them is like watching a movie.

7. Crash Course - They don’t need an introduction but this channel is good to watch while in isolation, both to learn something new and for students to keep up with their studies.

Videogames:

1. Stardew Valley - This is probably one of my favorite games. You get to run a small farm, befriend the townsfolk, and explore the many secrets in the game. Relationships in this game are lgbtq+ friendly! This game is available on most platforms and is relatively inexpensive at $10.

2. Outer Worlds - This game is brought to you by the studio that made Fallout: New Vegas. This game is beautiful and has a complex interesting storyline. All of the companion characters are well written and likable (One of which is an ace lesbian!). This game is available on the PC, Playstation, and X Box. It’s more expensive than the previous game on this list but it more than deserves the triple-A price tag of $59.99

3. Night in the Woods - This game is much more story-based than the other games on this list. The plot is wonderful and grapples with issues of mental illness and young adulthood. The price sits somewhere in the middle of #1 and #2 in this list at $19.99 and is available on PC, Mac, Linux, and Playstation 4.

4. Undertale - This is one of those games that needs no introduction. It’s a quirky pixel RPG with moral choices that doesn’t take itself too seriously. Undertale costs around $10 and is available on the Nintendo Switch, PC, and Playstation 4

5. Runescape - This is one of the oldest MMORPGs out on the market and is free to play. Runescape has an engaging crafting system and a wide variety of fun quests. While it is free to play Runescape suffers from some pay to win elements. This game is available on the PC and is in the early access phases of becoming a mobile app.

6. Albion Online - Albion Online is a large MMORPG with its strengths in its large scale PvP battles, combat system, and crafting system. This game is free to play with an optional subscription.

Mobile Apps:

1. Amino - This is a lesser-known social media app home to thousands of online communities. Fandoms, hobbies, roleplaying, and various other interests dominate the content here.

2. Animal Crossing Pocket Camp - This is a small, cutesy animal crossing game, enough to tide everyone over until new horizons releases on the 20th.

3. The Arcana - A tarot themed dating sim! Lgbtq+ friendly and filled with beautiful art. The characters are well written and the plot is filled with intrigue.

Podcasts:

1. Welcome to Night Vale - I can’t say too much about this one without spoiling it, this podcast is best listened to without knowing what to expect.

2. The Adventure Zone - A D&D podcast hosted by the Mcelroys, full of witty characters and funny moments.

3. Duolingo - Available in Spanish and French these podcasts are perfect for practicing your target language without leaving home.

Activities:

1. Bake

2. Start a project you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t had the time to do.

3. Draw, paint, etc.

4. Start a diy craft

5. Cook

6. Do some spring cleaning!

7. Read

8. Go on social media

9. Binge shows/movies on your streaming service of choice.

10. Start a garden

11. Pick and press flowers

12. Spend time with your pets (if you have any)

13. Call/text loved ones.

14. Color in an adult coloring book.

15. Pick up a new hobby.

16. Journal

Feel free to comment/reblog with more suggestions!

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byjayr-blog · 5 years ago

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Divine Femininity, Power of Her Aura - Ella.

I’ve been in the arts and music industry for about 4 years or so now, and inevitably saw how the rise of women in the creative industry hasn’t been getting as much attention, so I’ve decided to start a series based on women all around the world who are in the creative industry. I ask them to share their story with me (and you :) ) as to how they got to where they are today. The series will introduce a new divine woman once a month, as my first post to this series I’d like to introduce July’s divine woman my friend Ella.

Ella is a Fashion Model currently based in Montreal, I’ve asked her to share her story with me, enjoy.

byjayr - Walk me through your story, and can you recount any specific pivotal moments (as much description as you can remember on where you were and how you were feeling)?

Ella - My story is a long one. I guess it’s not just one story at all, there’s a lot of events and challenges that have led me to where I am today. For this interview I’m going to specifically talk about the part of my story that concerns the journey I’ve been on regarding my physical appearance & health.

I’m not really sure how to start this, so I guess I’ll start at the baseline. I was a happy person. Grew up without financial burdens in a suburban white family. I kept honours in all of my classes at school, loved theatre, had very high muscle strength for my size from ballet & gymnastics, was super fit and healthy, conventionally attractive person. Everything changed in November of 2011 when I had to become a tough bag of knuckle and grit, being flown by air ambulance to Halifax for an extremely rare auto-immune disease (Rapidly Progressive Glomerulonephritis) that had given me stage 5 (end stage) kidney failure. I was a young body filled with dreams but my body disagreed with me. You lose a lot of trust in yourself when your own body turns on you.

For the first three months or so of my sickness I was undergoing chemotherapy as a method of trying to suppress and reboot my immune system in order to get my kidneys to work again. During this time, I had huge diet restrictions (basically all I could eat was white bread, gummy bears and water) and became extremely malnourished. On top of that, I was on high dose steroids with horrible side effects, making me extremely weak. All I know is that I spent the last hours of 2011 sitting on the floor, staring at my legs, being astonished by skinny they were. I was strangely proud of how undernourished and skeletal they were, I had always wished I had the will power to intentionally be that skinny- but that’s another story. Both physically and mentally my functions were imbecilic. That night I blacked out and received the a blood transfusion that saved my life, but gave me a rash from hell. Physically, you honestly couldn’t recognize me.

The transfusion helped me in gaining my strength back from the months of crawling on the ground like a helpless baby. Despite my new found dividend of health, everything I was going through at this point made me ugly. Chemotherapy had taken away my thick, luscious locks of strawberry blonde, it took away all of my fingernails and toenails. The rash that covered me head to toe was gruesome. My entire body kept shedding it’s skin like a snake, leaving behind fragile pink tender skin that wasn’t even ready to be exposed to air. I felt like an unflattering cardboard cutout of an ugly caricature of myself.

I stopped leaving the house for a solid chunk of my precious time. Alone and sad, waiting for the day I could finally close my eyes for the last time. I don’t think I saw anyone but my family and my friend Mia for at least three months. No photos exist of this time. Evidently this made it hard for me to keep up with my then “boyfriend”. In fact, I remember him asking if I’d take him back when I recovered, but all I said was “I’m not getting better”, and proceeded to ignore him. I couldn’t accept that he had the nerve to still adore me, I was so painstakingly un-sexual. How dare he want to kiss me. I knew I was no longer the girl who was all the perfect fashion, and eventually I really started to mourn for myself. I would never be glamorous, I thought, but at this point I desperately sought being able to be something completely ordinary and unremarkable. Staring at my familiar, tragic limbs- I believed my cold pink hands would never again feel pretty.

One very vivid memory I always think about is when I left to go to the mall for the first time since being sick. I slathered on a coat of the makeup watching actual centimetre parcels of skin peel like a million meaty sunburns that oozed out makeup. I started peeling and picking off the scabs but the more I peeled the more I bled. I came to the conclusion that I would have to peel off my entire face if I wanted to even out the texture of it, so I gave up. I slathered it in vaseline to glue the drooping flakes back onto my face in attempts to mimmic a smoothness and then used half the bottle of foundation to even out the colour. I gazed at my reflection in the mirror for what felt like hours. My face was the texture of a golfball; but more uneven and porous. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t even close to me. Even my eyes had grown so passive, my lids that were once a flirting device batted still- but with their sparsely fallen out lashes they were so dim, so dead.

By late February of 2012, they realized my kidneys just weren’t going to start working from the chemotherapy. They stopped the chemo and I was put on peritoneal dialysis. In a nut shell, that means they put a tube in my belly, the tube connected to a machine every night at home and ran for 8-12 hours, depending on what the circumstances were. Essentially, dialysis does the work for your kidneys, but its more of a temporary thing, and as I found out the hard way, it has lots of complications. Years went by and I had plenty of brushes with death. Plenty more stories to be told about that. But this story is about the growing pains of my confidence & beauty, not my psychical pain.

It’s 2019 and it’s been five and a half years since I received my life saving kidney transplant. My mind has a weird complex built up around how I see myself in the mirror. I often find myself comparing myself to who I was before I ever got sick. I have this way of idealizing who I was before the sickness came, and I’m always seeing the world through rose coloured lenses when I think about my childhood. Sometimes I take a look at myself in the mirror and it’s really hard. I’m so quick to notice how frayed I am at the edges like I’m some kind of hand-me-down lace. Sometimes I just feel like all of my bones are too old for me, that they creak like a dusty house full of empty photo albums because I lost so much opportunity to fill them up with all the teenage memories I had to miss out on. People tell my all of these experiences make me strong but for the most part I just find myself thinking they make me heavy. I had to grow up too fast and it hurts. It hurts but it’s going to be okay. The ocean is fucking heavy, mountains are fucking heavy, but they’re so perfect and beautiful and that’s all I should be seeing about myself too.

Today I feel secure, complex, and empowered. Maybe I won’t tomorrow, but taking things day by day is the best way I’ve learned to navigate through this world. There will always be people who take me for face value & my looks alone. It takes serious courage to love yourself in a world, in an infrastructure strategically set up to make people who have suffered trauma feel isolated, unworthy, and heavy. The caliber of experience I have endured has done nothing but expand my emotional intelligence, even if it isolates me. Our dominant culture is filled with violent myths. Break them.

J - What inspired you to do what you love?

E - The internet, contemporary situations, and people I surround myself with can be a source of inspiration/influence, but they can also be a huge form of intimidation/comparison. I used to try so hard to impress people but ultimately it just created huge insecurity blocks. Seeing other people competing for acceptance is toxic. I think it’s important to keep some things to yourself. Deconstruct the social construct of what “talent” is. You don’t have to cater to other people. The world doesn’t have to be this finite, limited space you think it is. Don’t let people devalue your creative ability and worth just because they don’t understand it. It’s their loss. My mom is the biggest loner I know and she inspires me every day. I think I work best alone and I get that from her. Maybe this sounds selfish to you but I think that more than anything, I inspire myself. My life has been one dark struggle after another and somehow I crawl my way out of it every time. I’m strong enough now to realize that being alone isn’t a bad thing at all. Isolation breeds individuality. Once I realized that, the world became a safer place for me.

J - What do you find yourself daydreaming about, and can you recount a specific daydream you’ve been having lately?

E - I want to be somewhere new. I’m so tired of Montreal. I dream of being somewhere where absolutely nobody knows my name or where I’m from or how I got there. I don’t want to talk about myself. I want to learn about other people. To get inspired by them. Lately I’ve been working on music lots. It’s something I’m really passionate about and I can’t wait to share it with people who are open to listening. All I daydream about is being somewhere warm and somewhere exciting. The last few years have been really hard on me. I struggle with a lot of issues that I’m not going to delve into right now, but my biggest dream is just to be happy. To be able to look at myself and be proud, and to make my friends & family proud too. Life moves really fast and I’m making lots of changes. Things are changing for the better, I have to believe they will. <3

Thank you Ella for sharing your inspirational and moving story! <3

Come back next month to see August’s Divine Femininity. :)

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biointernet · 5 years ago

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Time Management

Contemporary Time Management

Time management is a meta-activity (working with meta-model) with the goal to maximize the overall benefit of a set of other activities within the boundary condition of a limited amount of time, as time itself cannot be managed because it is fixed.

Time Travel + Time Management = Time Travel Management

What is a Life Time? Life management Time management is the process of planning and exercising conscious control of time spent on specific activities, especially to increase effectiveness, efficiency or productivity. It is a juggling act of various demands of study, social life, employment, family, and personal interests and commitments with the finiteness of time.

DADA Time Time management as a business practice originated with time and motion studies, which in turn were an integration of the time studies of Frederick Taylor (the “father of scientific management”) and the motion studies of Frank and Lillian Gilbreth in the early 20th Century. This kind of business efficiency technique led to the imposition of standard times for tasks and, with the introduction of the assembly line technique of mass production, it became an essential business tool. The idea that “time is money” is very important in time management, as well as in related concepts like time banking and the time value of money Time management tools: The Biointernet Mirror (Mirror of Joy)BLAGA SystemThe Biointernet MaskFiles with Functions (For example: Beauty Bio Net Exhibition - 3DHM Dynamic Vision Board Mental Model by Lena Rhomberg and Adam Pierce)Harry Potter’s Hourglass Hourglass #100 – 30 min for You Philosophy of space and time is the branch of philosophy concerned with the issues surrounding the ontology, epistemology, and character of space and time. While such ideas have been central to philosophy from its inception, the philosophy of space and time was both an inspiration for and a central aspect of early analytic philosophy. Contemporary Time Management with the Biointernet Equipment What Is Time Management? Time management is the ability to plan and control how someone spends the hours in a day to effectively accomplish their goals. This involves juggling time between the domains of life—work, home, social life, hobbies. It is important to establish clear goals and priorities in order to set aside non-essential tasks that can eat up time, and to monitor where the time actually goes. In the 1970s, the ABC prioritization method was the rage. Any project or action item landing on the A list was deemed most important, with second most important items appearing on the B list, and C items marked as least important. Over time, various iterations of this formula floated through the zeitgeist. For example, the most unpleasant tasks wound up on the A list in order to get them out of the way. Today, the work landscape has changed somewhat, with more and more tasks landing on the "Most Important" list.

Hourglass 301, Magic Card Contemporary Time Management with the Biointernet Equipment Time Management Tips 1. Time Management Is a Myth 2. Find Where You Waste Time 3. Create Time Management Goals 4. Implement a Plan 5. Use Time Management Tools 6. Prioritize Ruthlessly 7. Delegate And/Or Outsource 8. Establish Routines 9. Set Time Limits for Tasks 10. Organize Your Systems 11. Don't Waste Time Waiting 12. Use the Biointernet Equipment and Files with Functions (Time management tools) every moment Tips for More Effective Personal Time Management 1. Spend time planning and organizing. Using time to think and plan is time well-spent. In fact, if you fail to take time for planning, you are, in effect, planning to fail. Organize in a way that makes sense to you. If you need color and pictures, use a lot on your calendar or planning book. Some people need to have papers filed away; others get their creative energy from their piles. So forget the "shoulds" and organize your way. 2. Set Goals. Goals give your life, and the way you spend your time, direction. Set goals which are specific, measurable, realistic and achievable. Your optimum goals are those which cause you to "stretch" but not "break" as you strive for achievement. Goals can give creative people a much-needed sense of direction. 3. Prioritize. Use the 80-20 Rule originally stated by the Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto who noted that 80 percent of the reward comes from 20 percent of the effort. The trick to prioritizing is to isolate and identify that valuable 20 percent. Once identified, prioritize time to concentrate your effort on those items with the greatest reward. Prioritize by color, number or letter — whichever method makes the most sense to you. Flagging items with a deadline is another idea for helping you stick to your priorities. 4. Use a to-do list. Some people thrive on using a daily To Do list which they construct either the last thing the previous day or first thing in the morning. Such people may combine a To Do list with a calendar or schedule. Others prefer a "running" To Do list which is continuously being updated. Or, you may prefer a combination of the two previously described To Do lists. Whatever method works is best for you. Don't be afraid to try a new system — you just might find one that works even better than your present one! 5. Be flexible. Allow time for interruptions and distractions. Time management experts often suggest planning for just 50 percent or less of one's time. With only 50 percent of your time planned, you will have the flexibility to handle interruptions and the unplanned "emergency." When you expect to be interrupted, schedule routine tasks. Save (or make) larger blocks of time for your priorities. When interrupted, ask Alan Lakein's crucial question, "What is the most important thing I can be doing with my time right now?" to help you get back on track fast. 6. Consider your biological prime time. That's the time of day when you are at your best. Are you a "morning person," a "night owl," or a late afternoon "whiz?" Knowing when your best time is and planning to use that time of day for your priorities (if possible) is effective time management. 7. Do the right thing right. Noted management expert, Peter Drucker, says "doing the right thing is more important than doing things right." Doing the right thing is effectiveness; doing things right is efficiency. Focus first on effectiveness (identifying what is the right thing to do), then concentrate on efficiency (doing it right). 8. Eliminate the urgent. Urgent tasks have short-term consequences while important tasks are those with long-term, goal-related implications. Work towards reducing the urgent things you must do so you'll have time for your important priorities. Flagging or highlighting items on your To Do list or attaching a deadline to each item may help keep important items from becoming urgent emergencies. 9. Practice the art of intelligent neglect. Eliminate from your life trivial tasks or those tasks which do not have long-term consequences for you. Can you delegate or eliminate any of your To Do list? Work on those tasks which you alone can do. 10. Avoid being a perfectionist. In the Malaysian culture, only the gods are considered capable of producing anything perfect. Whenever something is made, a flaw is left on purpose so the gods will not be offended. Yes, some things need to be closer to perfect than others, but perfectionism, paying unnecessary attention to detail, can be a form of procrastination. 11. Conquer procrastination. One technique to try is the "Swiss cheese" method described by Alan Lakein. When you are avoiding something, break it into smaller tasks and do just one of the smaller tasks or set a timer and work on the big task for just 15 minutes. By doing a little at a time, eventually you'll reach a point where you'll want to finish. 12. Learn to say "No." Such a small word — and so hard to say. Focusing on your goals may help. Blocking time for important, but often not scheduled, priorities such as family and friends can also help. But first you must be convinced that you and your priorities are important — that seems to be the hardest part in learning to say "no." Once convinced of their importance, saying "no" to the unimportant in life gets easier. 13. Reward yourself. Even for small successes, celebrate achievement of goals. Promise yourself a reward for completing each task, or finishing the total job. Then keep your promise to yourself and indulge in your reward. Doing so will help you maintain the necessary balance in life between work and play. As Ann McGee-Cooper says, "If we learn to balance excellence in work with excellence in play, fun, and relaxation, our lives become happier, healthier, and a great deal more creative." 13. Use time management tools (the Biointernet Equipment) Mirror of Joy, BLAGA System, The Biointernet Mask and others. Files with Functions – Artificial Intelligence for Tomorrow. Beauty Bio Net Exhibition - 3DHMDynamic Vision Board Mental Model by Lena Rhomberg and Adam Pierce

Hourglass 232, post card Time management tools: The Biointernet Mirror (Mirror of Joy)BLAGA SystemThe Biointernet MaskFiles with Functions (Beauty Bio Net Exhibition - 3DHM Dynamic Vision Board Mental Model by Lena Rhomberg and Adam Pierce) See also: Mental Model by Lena Rhomberg and Adam Pierce

Physician Time Management

Cory Pitre,1,2,*Katie Pettit,1,3Lauren Ladd,4,5Carey Chisholm,6,7 and Julie L. Welch8,9

Abstract

Introduction Time management is an essential skill set for physicians. The importance of time management is not routinely emphasized in undergraduate or graduate medical education curricula, often resulting in the development of poor time-management practices early in training. Improving time-management practices may lead to decreased stress, increased productivity, and improved well-being for physicians. Methods This interactive workshop targeted trainees and junior faculty. It aimed to highlight common physician knowledge gaps with respect to cognitive limitations and to teach effective time-management strategies. It also aimed to educate learners about how time management may increase physician career satisfaction. The workshop included a detailed presentation with structured resources to reinforce skill development. Results This workshop was given four times to 54 residents in two different training paradigms. Evaluations were based on a 4-point Likert scale (1 = Strongly Disagree, 4 = Strongly Agree). Overall, participants indicated that the workshop addressed an educational need (M = 3.72) and would recommend this workshop to a colleague (M = 3.83). Follow-up survey results at 4 months indicated that most workshop participants had noticed some degree of improved productivity and well-being, that only a small minority had not incorporated new elements of time management into routine practices. Discussion This workshop offers an effective way to teach time-management strategies to physicians. Our results imply that this workshop meets an early career physician need by addressing a necessary skill set. Effective time-management skills may promote physician career sustainability.Keywords: Faculty Development, Time Management, Professional Development, Career Satisfaction, Physician Well-Being

Educational Objectives

By the end of the workshop, participants will be able to: 1.Recognize the critical value of effective time management for physicians.2.Describe cognitive limitations and common practices that contribute to mismanaged time.3.Discuss the importance of identifying and maintaining prioritized goals.4.Compare strategies for structuring workflow to effectively manage time.

Introduction

Time management is a constant personal and professional challenge for physicians. Duty to the patient is a unique professional responsibility that regularly challenges physician time management. The duty of patient care and the unpredictability of work given interruptions, unforeseen patient-care-management changes, emotional and physical fatigue, and erratic schedules or work duties, may not be entirely controllable or changeable. Time-management resources available from other industries, largely business, often fail to fully address time-management needs that result from duty to the patient. Thus, the conceptual framework for time-management strategies presented in this workshop is derived in part from these business-centered concepts but, more importantly, from the medical literature, where time-management strategies have been adapted to the unique environment of clinical and academic medicine settings. As rates of physician burnout rise, teaching effective time-management skills may become a priority. A recent report surveying over 14,000 physicians found that from 2013 to 2017, burnout rates had risen in every specialty. The top two cited contributors to burnout were “too many bureaucratic tasks” and “spending too many hours at work.” Both of these causes contain elements that relate to time management. Therefore, as health care institutions try to address systems issues that contribute to burnout, medical education must develop training strategies that improve time-management skills. Literature supports the idea that improving individual schedule control correlates positively with physician career satisfaction. Leigh, Tancredi, and Kravitz showed that limiting clinical hours and controlling lifestyle correlate with increased physician career satisfaction. Furthermore, increased career satisfaction is associated with decreased physician burnout. Teaching physician time-management skills may better prepare resident and junior faculty physicians to enter the workforce. Gordon and Borkan's review of the medical literature found that strategies for improving physician time management were lacking; they went on to offer examples of time-management techniques that might be appropriate for physicians. Undergraduate and graduate medical education curricula do not consistently incorporate physician time-management skills. In fact, medical education tends to focus so heavily on mastery of knowledge and skill that trainees frequently neglect individual time allocation and task prioritization in order to achieve professional mastery. By failing to routinely identify individual limits with respect to allocation of time and energy, trainees may develop poor time-management habits that ultimately lead to increased stress and decreased productivity. Understanding the behavioral science that supports commonly taught time-management and productivity strategies may motivate physicians to use effective time-management practices. Locke and Latham's modern goal-setting theory supports setting specific and challenging goals. Sweller's cognitive load theory argues both against multitasking and for proper time allocation. Moreover, studies of the physician workplace have demonstrated the frequency of interruptions routinely experienced by physicians, highlighting the importance of professional time-management skills. However, we found few publications in the medical literature regarding physician-specific personal and professional time-management skills, and no such resources for teaching these skills. This interactive workshop is submitted as part of the Fundamentals of Mentoring training series designed to assist mentors and instructors in teaching mentees (i.e., trainees and junior faculty) the core professional sustainability skills that promote work-life integration. Specifically, this session aims to highlight the important relationship between time-management skills and physician career satisfaction, and explores the importance of utilizing strategies that promote efficient time management.

Methods

The target audience for this workshop included resident, fellow, and junior faculty physicians. The workshop was offered as part of program-specific (emergency medicine and transitional year) professional development didactics. Specific attendance at this session was not required. No prerequisite knowledge, skills, or resources were required to attend the workshop. Instructors leading these sessions were physicians who possessed both an understanding of the time-management strategies described in this workshop and firsthand experience of the challenges that arise in managing the time of a practicing physician. As mentioned previously, the duty of patient care and the unpredictability of work for physicians may not be entirely controllable or changeable. Additional training and mastery of an electronic medical record (EMR) system or use of scribes, advanced providers, or other medical assistants may provide further help with patient-care duty, but such resources are not universal across medical specialties. Because limiting clinical hours and controlling lifestyle have been shown to correlate with increased physician career satisfaction and because physician patient-care resources are not universal across the spectrum of medical practice, we elected to focus workshop content on time-management skills that may be applied to the controllable elements of any physician's personal schedule and life. We began with a 60-minute didactic presentation that focused on content collected from personal experiences, anecdotal physician-colleague experiences, academic faculty development about time-management concepts, and behavioral psychology literature. After both incorporating learner feedback and contemplating workshop efficacy in February 2017, we selected the interactive workshop model to enhance learner participation, maximize knowledge retention through active learning, and focus on individual learner needs. We also reorganized and augmented the original content, adding literature regarding the demand for the physician's time and on physician well-being. Additionally, this session was lengthened to a 90-minute workshop that allowed for small-group activities to emphasize learning objectives. We created all appendices in this resource to support the workshop format and followed the suggested time line outlined in Table 1 when delivering the workshop. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6342364/ Time Management Time Management tools Time Travel Management https://www.myhourglasscollection.com/time-perception/ Read the full article

#3DHM #ContemporaryTimeManagement #DynamicVisionBoard #FileswithFunctions #Lifemanagement #MentalModel #theBiointernetMarketing #TimeManagement #TimeManagementStrategy #TimeManagementTips #timemanagementtools #TimeofLife

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floridamining · 6 years ago

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Interview with Matt Allison and Matthew Usinowicz

January 19, 2019

Artists of Slamdance Cosmopolis

About the artists:

Matt Allison

Matt Allison is a collector and (re)arranger of objects. In a culture increasingly driven by immaterial content and virtual realities, he remains dedicated to uncovering the stories contained within stuff. His practice is particularly informed by the unexpected object pairings that come from “DIY” repurposing projects and homegrown interventions.

He was a co-manager of the experimental art space OPAQ in Jacksonville, FL, and is the co-founder of Sea Farm City and MNK Studio which operate in Downtown Los Angeles. Matt received his BFA from Ringling College of Art and Design in 2004, and his MFA from the University of California, Santa Barbara in 2015.

www.mattallisonprojects.com @mattallisonprojects

Matthew Usinowicz

Conceptually drawn to social politics and the physical accumulation of stuff, with a specific interest in the relationship between humans and objects, Matthew works in a process- based mode of production using materialism – the physical and psychological elements of materials – to visually communicate. The results are fabricated objects, using an interdisciplinary practice to create; these objects are used as a humorous, allegorical means of telling a story.

Last time Matthew was in Jacksonville, it was the last stop aboard a US Navy vessel before heading to the Persian Gulf in 2001. 17 years later, he finds himself making and exhibiting artwork that critiques the very system he swore to protect and defend. Some things never change, just the vessel you choose to arrive in.

Matthew received his BFA from San Francisco Art Institute and his MFA from the University of California, Santa Barbara.

www.matthewusinowicz.com @matthew_usinowicz

Where are you from and where are you now working?

Matt: I was born in South Florida, and slowly moved my way North to Jacksonville. I lived in Brooklyn for a few years, before coming out to California. I currently live and work in Los Angeles.

Matthew: I was born in Salt Lake City, but I’ve lived most my life either floating somewhere on the water, or in the San Francisco Bay Area. Currently I live and work in San Francisco.

How did you meet each other and what sparked your collaboration?

Matt: Matthew and I were in the same Graduate Program. I could tell from his work that we had common influences... So I invited him over for dinner. He brought two bottles of wine and several blocks of cheese. We've been working together ever since.

Matthew: We met in graduate school in Southern California. We naturally gravitated towards each other through similar interests: cooking, good food, music, politics, fighting common childhood conformities, grafitti, and of course art making.

How is your work similar? How is your work different?

Matt: We each have our own odd take on formalism with very strong affinities for color. Our reference points overlap a lot: Music, graffiti, providing food for loved ones... We're different in the way we approach materials. Matthew is a butcher so he breaks a material down to its "rawest form." He then refines the material and rebuilds it into something new. I'm a collector, so I'm more concerned with preservation, and transformation through association.

Matthew: We both focus on materials and objects how they exist, how they operate in spaces, and how we can activate (or disrupt) their state. We deconstruct these objects and materials differently. Matt is more of a “arranger or re-arranger” of objects. I intend to break down the objects/ materials formally and manufacture a new, different objects from my deconstruction.

What inspired the show Slamdance Cosmopolis?

Matt: My inspiration for Slamdance Cosmopolis is how “everyday” the process of dehumanization has become. While political leaders are talking about fellow human beings as if they're some alien invasion, the corporate world is looking for prospective employees to be a minimum wage version of Siri. Meanwhile, we’re all sacrificing lived experience in favor of being documentarians for our own fictitious "social" media empire. Everyone is either a super villain or a super hero - No one is just a complex and flawed individual that knows they have no business throwing the first stone.

Matthew: Shitty people in government and shitty people in general.

Why did you choose to do a show in Jacksonville?

Matt: I lived in Jacksonville for during a very formidable time in my life, and consider it my home (even though I didn't get there until I was 23. I love the city's strengths, and wanted to be a small part of the growth that'll overcome its weaknesses. Working with the ACLU of North Florida on a show that opened a few days before midterm elections seemed like a good way to do it.

Matthew: Matt has a strong connection with Jacksonville; working and living there and being involved in the food and art scenes. I heard nothing but good things about Florida Mining Gallery and intriguing nostalgia about Jacksonville. I’ve never been (with exception of a pit stop while cruising with the US Navy) and I love shrimp, grits, and beer! It has been a pleasure making work for Jacksonville, staying in Jacksonville, and eating my fair share of Mayport shrimp in Jacksonville.

What does the title Slamdance Cosmopolis mean?

Matt: It’s a coupling from the poem that Allen Ginsburg recites in the song “Ghetto Defendant” that closes out the A side of Combat Rock.

Matthew: The urge (and possible need) to break out in full mosh (slam dance) mode in a crowded metro car because the crazy shit that’s happening now, the dehumanization and government corruption and pettiness, is absurd. And we all need a good mosh pit now and then.

How would you summarize Slamdance Cosmopolis?

Matt: A visual conversation between two friends, trying to figure out how to retain one’s connection to humanity amid the economic disparity, language barriers, gentrification, emotional isolation, crime and pollution that permeate our respective cityscapes.

Matthew: A dialogue from the past, is the dialogue of the present. Generation after generation, this recurrence of very little change creates anxiety, and progress is moving too damn slow. As a visual artist these are our/ my modes of expression in hope to inspire others to being more active in a push to sustained progress for the human race.

What about Combat Rock by the Clash motivated you to create the series of posters featured in the show?

Matt: It's a record that naturally gets put on the turntable every time Matthew, my wife Katie and I are hanging out in our living room. After several years, we had so many conversations with it playing in the background that it became, in my mind, a sort of conduit for a lot of our best ideas. The Clash are the perfect jumping off point for anyone who want’s to make critical thinking seem like the coolest thing on the planet.

Matthew: Song titles and overall theme. 

What is your favorite piece from Slamdance Cosmopolis?

Matt: The "Straight to Hell" poster. Aside from being my favorite song on the album, the lyrics are eerily (and depressingly) relevant to our current administration’s tactic of reducing human life to political capital. I picked the image of Elian Gonzalez as a stand in for the abandoned Vietnamese child from the song, and the very next morning news breaks of families being separated at the Southern Border. Check in as I’m writing this, and those children are now dying in American custody. This is not a partisan issue- Children shouldn’t be victims of our own fabricated conflicts. It doesn’t matter if the president’s last name is Clinton or Trump. Or if you don’t want to give up your assault rifle. Or if you still believe in the doctrine of the Catholic Church. Or if you think frozen concentrate is more convenient then peeling an orange.

Matthew: Straight to Hell. The layers of content are deep and visually it kicks ass!

Do you have plans for your next collaboration?

Matt: Yes, always. Contrary to the artist myth, I got (and stay) in this game to work with others.

Matthew: Yes. Cooking more food together in L.A. or S.F.

Who are some of your biggest influences? Artists or otherwise?

Matt: Currently the list is as follows: My wife Katie and daughter my Clementine, the ACLU, Philip Glass, Chef Dan Giusti's work transforming public school cafeterias, Bell Hooks, the novel Alas Babylon, Defend Boyle Heights, and the Spiritual Jazz scene of the late 1960’s.

Matthew: Traveling. Food. Music. People I meet (formally, through shared experience, eye contact, or otherwise.) when traveling.

How do you navigate the creative process? What helps you develop a piece from beginning to end?

Matt: My creativity is my primary problem solving tool, I’d truly be lost with out it. I’m also extremely restless when it comes to my art practice, so I have this sort of natural catalyst constantly pushing me forward. I’ve never been one to chase the “finish line” when it comes to making work. I’m interested in work that allows for any number of variations, and that grows and evolves over time. Especially when an exhibition is usually the first time you have different people interacting with the work. In a lot of ways, that’s when things are just getting started.

Matthew: Watching/ listening to S.F. Giants baseball, watching “The Wire”, “The Sopranos”, “Fargo” (TV), “Breaking Bad”, or “Better Call Saul”, over again...

Do you have a preferred medium?

Matt: Some small found object that that stirs my soul for reasons unknown me.

Matthew: Never, ever. Always changing. Never limit yourself to medium.

What are your hobbies outside of art? 

Matt: Trying not to worry.

Matthew: Travel, eating/ drinking, cooking, music, baseball.

#artist #interview

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emilypaul09 · 6 years ago

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The First Step in Finding the Right Nursing Home

Once you have pinpointed the type of care your loved one needs, you will want to make a list of possible nursing homes locally that will fit their requirements, preferences, and care level. The more choices you have in a nursing home, the easier it will be to find the perfect facility for your loved one.

If you are beginning to look for a nursing home, you may have questions about how to find the perfect one. The following are some frequently asked questions and things to look for as you prepare to find the right nursing home for your loved one.

Should I visit the nursing homes I’m considering?

Yes, but you do not need to visit every single nursing home on your list. Instead you should first make phone calls to find out if the nursing homes you are considering are actually accepting new residents, if they accept Medicare or Medicaid, and what type of care they provide. That should help to narrow down the list and make visits more manageable.

When should I visit the nursing home?

When you find a nursing home you’re interested in, plan on visiting three times. One visit should be in the late morning to observe lunch being served. A second visit should be during afternoon activities, and a third visit should occur in the evening for dinner and preparing for bed.

Your initial visit should be announced, and you should allow an administrator to take you on a guided tour. The subsequent visits should be unannounced so you can observe staff and residents when everyone isn’t always on their best behavior. If a nursing home does not allow you to visit while unattended, it is a sure sign that they are hiding something.

How do I know if a nursing home is certified?

Most nursing homes will have their certificates and licenses displayed for the public to see in their lobby. If they do not, ask to see them and ensure they are current. You should also ask for the latest inspection report or state survey for every facility you visit.

Do not use any facility that does not have their required long-term care facility license or does not have the required license for their nursing home administrator.

In addition to these certifications, a nursing home is also required to allow the public to inspect other documents, including:

A copy of the statement of ownership;

The personnel employed by the nursing home and their certifications, licenses, or registrations;

A description of the services provided, the rates the nursing home charges, and a list of things a resident may be charged for separately;

A complete copy of every inspection report for the past five years;

A copy of every order issued by the Department of Public Health or a court in the past five years.

If a nursing home will not allow you to inspect these documents, or they do not have them of file, you can file a complaint with the Department of Public Health.

What should I look for on a tour?

There are numerous things that you should look for besides certifications when you tour a nursing home. These things include:

Cleanliness-A dirty nursing home is a bad nursing home. Some nursing homes may have a lived-in look, which is ok, but they should not have dangerous clutter or have a strong odor. The smell of urine may be present in a good nursing home as it is difficult to completely remove, but the smell will be slight, and they should not be using strong scented sprays to hide it.

If you see rodents or bugs, garbage overflowing, and blocked passageways, it is a sure sign that the nursing home does not take cleanliness seriously.

Bedrooms-Every bedroom should have a window, no more than four beds per room, and space to move around comfortably. Each resident should have a call bell for the nursing station, a reading light, fresh water, and their own closet or drawers for their belongings.

It is important to question the administration how they choose roommates and what happens if roommates do not get along.

Bathrooms-Bathrooms should be close to every resident’s room and have a sink with hot and cold water and a toilet that allows for wheelchair-bound residents to use it. There should be assistance handles and bars in each bathroom, as well as a call button for the nursing station.

Shower and bathing facilities for those in wheelchairs should be available, although they may not be available in every personal bathroom. Make sure the floors are non-skid and handles are present.

Kitchen and dining rooms-Dining rooms should have comfortable seating for residents and tables and chairs that can be moved easily for residents in wheelchairs. Both the kitchen and dining room should be kept clean. Kitchen staff should keep refrigerated things cold and hot foods hot enough for food safety standards. Sample the menu when you visit to determine if they are providing the food that the menu claims; nursing homes that are trying to cut corners will often make substitutions to the menu.

Activity rooms-All nursing homes should have space for activities. Pay attention to what types of activities are offered and if residents are partaking in them. The activity room should be bright, cheerful, comfortable, and inviting.

Emergency exits-A good nursing home will practice fire drills and other emergency preparedness drills with their residents routinely. Make sure that emergency exits are clearly labeled and have a clear passageway and ask to see the most recent fire safety inspection report. Do not choose a nursing home that hasn’t been inspected in more than a year.

Outside grounds-A good nursing home should encourage its residents to spend time outside. The grounds should be kept well-maintained, have adequate comfortable seating, and possibly have gardens that residents can garden in.

What services will a good nursing home provide?

A good nursing home will have many services available to its residents. These services include:

Medical services-A good nursing home will allow a resident to be treated by their own doctors but should also have emergency staff available either on-call or on staff. Prior to admission, a resident will be required to have a complete physical and have a care plan developed. A good nursing home will adapt this plan as your loved one’s health changes.

If your loved one will require eye or dental care, find out who the nursing home uses for this care and what the added cost might be. You should also find out what hospital the nursing homes uses in case of an acute emergency.

Nursing services-Pay special attention to the attitude of the nursing staff that works with the residents. Ask about the training their certified nursing assistants receive and if a Registered Nurse is on duty round-the-clock. Licensed Professional Nurses should be on duty both day and night.

Rehabilitation services-Residents should have access to whatever type of rehabilitation services they may require, including help with walking, talking, and dressing.

Activities-A good nursing home will not let its residents remain in isolation but will not be pushy about participation. Activities should be planned both inside and outside the nursing home, with field trips and the ability to visit family and friends. Volunteers should be welcomed, and outside services should be invited into the nursing home, such as libraries, museums, hair dressers and barbers.

Each resident should have an activity plan geared towards their likes and interests, and games, arts, crafts, and social functions should be included in the itinerary.

Religious services-Nursing homes should offer the ability for all its residents to practice whatever religion they are accustomed to, but should never force any resident to take part in religious services.

Food services-Each resident will have different nutritional needs and a dietician should be available to ensure their diet is healthy, varied, and palatable. Meals should be served at normal times and snacks should be available. Staff should bring food to those residents that are bed-bound and assist them in eating as needed.

Social services-A good nursing home will have a social worker available for its residents. If a resident is struggling or has concerns, a social worker should help them to adjust to nursing home living and answer their questions.

What other rights does my loved one have?

Just because your loved one has entered a nursing home it does not mean they have to stop being themselves. Every person is unique and should be treated as such. They should not have to give up their basic human rights and a good nursing home will be flexible to their wants and needs.

Nursing home residents should be allowed to be involved in their own care and allowed to manage their own finances if they are able. Nursing homes should provide privacy for each resident and married couples should be granted privacy and allowed to reside together unless it is prohibited.

Residents should be allowed to dress in their own clothing and decorate their room as they see fit. If a resident wishes to do chores, they should be allowed to, but never forced into it. A resident should never be moved from a nursing home without advance notice and a nursing home is not permitted to discriminate against a resident for any reason.

For more information on a resident’s rights, you may review the “Residents’ Bill of Rights” provided by Medicare and Medicaid that all nursing homes they certify must follow.

And, for any nursing home you’re considering, ask for the names of other residents’ families and contact them on their experiences with the nursing home. They will often give you an honest opinion about the nursing home and its care.

What about the cost?

The more services your loved one will require, the more they will likely pay. When you tour nursing homes, be sure to ask what the normal monthly charge covers and what extras they may have to pay for. Prices will vary from nursing home to nursing home, so you should outline exactly what your loved one will need and get an estimate on monthly cost for those needs.

You should find out if your loved one is eligible for Medicare or Medicaid and if they are not, you should determine what personal insurance may cover. If your loved one will be paying privately, the nursing home will want to know exactly how long they will be able to afford care and when Medicaid will begin making up the assisting in payment. A good nursing home will help a resident with paperwork regarding Medicaid as well.

The Nursing Home Care Reform Act requires a written contract between the nursing home and the resident upon admission. This contract must state what services will be provided, their cost, terms of service, any supplemental services that will be provided and their cost, who is liable for payment, the amount of a deposit, and the rights, duties, and obligations of the resident. Before the contract is signed, it should be thoroughly reviewed and anything that is not clear should be explained fully. Once the contract is understood, both nursing home representatives and the resident or their guardian must sign it.

If there is any question or confusion, an experienced personal injury lawyer can review the contract and advise you accordingly. Agruss Law Firm is prepared to help and ensure your loved one is receiving everything they are entitled to in regards to a nursing home and it is done fairly.

Read Full Article Here: The First Step in Finding the Right Nursing Home

Agruss Law Firm LLC 4809 N Ravenswood Ave #419, Chicago, IL 60640 https://goo.gl/maps/5g8VjKMDr3k

from https://www.agrusspersonalinjury.com/the-first-step-in-finding-the-right-nursing-home/ from https://agrusslawfirm1.tumblr.com/post/184080679762

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agrusslawfirm1 · 6 years ago

Text

The First Step in Finding the Right Nursing Home

Should I visit the nursing homes I’m considering?

When should I visit the nursing home?

How do I know if a nursing home is certified?

Do not use any facility that does not have their required long-term care facility license or does not have the required license for their nursing home administrator.

In addition to these certifications, a nursing home is also required to allow the public to inspect other documents, including:

A copy of the statement of ownership;

The personnel employed by the nursing home and their certifications, licenses, or registrations;

A description of the services provided, the rates the nursing home charges, and a list of things a resident may be charged for separately;

A complete copy of every inspection report for the past five years;

A copy of every order issued by the Department of Public Health or a court in the past five years.

If a nursing home will not allow you to inspect these documents, or they do not have them of file, you can file a complaint with the Department of Public Health.

What should I look for on a tour?

There are numerous things that you should look for besides certifications when you tour a nursing home. These things include:

If you see rodents or bugs, garbage overflowing, and blocked passageways, it is a sure sign that the nursing home does not take cleanliness seriously.

It is important to question the administration how they choose roommates and what happens if roommates do not get along.

Shower and bathing facilities for those in wheelchairs should be available, although they may not be available in every personal bathroom. Make sure the floors are non-skid and handles are present.

What services will a good nursing home provide?

A good nursing home will have many services available to its residents. These services include:

Rehabilitation services-Residents should have access to whatever type of rehabilitation services they may require, including help with walking, talking, and dressing.

Each resident should have an activity plan geared towards their likes and interests, and games, arts, crafts, and social functions should be included in the itinerary.

What other rights does my loved one have?

For more information on a resident’s rights, you may review the “Residents’ Bill of Rights” provided by Medicare and Medicaid that all nursing homes they certify must follow.

What about the cost?

Read Full Article Here: The First Step in Finding the Right Nursing Home

Agruss Law Firm LLC 4809 N Ravenswood Ave #419, Chicago, IL 60640 https://goo.gl/maps/5g8VjKMDr3k

from https://www.agrusspersonalinjury.com/the-first-step-in-finding-the-right-nursing-home/

0 notes

ecopoeticsatchicago · 7 years ago

Text

Response to Week 7 Readings

(By Chiang, Yan Li)

From Denis Wood’s writings and his map samples, I found it valuable to approach this assignment, challenging for me as a person who is more comfortable with words than with any visual art, by focusing on one concept. Wood does not only seem to isolate out single instances that are interesting to him, such as wind chimes, blocks of domino-like structures, or Jack-o-Lanterns, but also focuses on expanding on this concept by means of a repetition. Just as nature shows us tessellations, so his maps interact with the environment as a text that tessellates a repeated pattern, one that is identical in its components but that reveal something either planned by policy or completely arbitrary due to environmental incidence. In other words, he subverts my expectations of what a map is about by highlighting how our environment and hence our etching of it is sensitive to weather, history, natural and manmade structures, and also what senses are accessible to us such as sound. He describes the map as a discourse form with a “sharpness of tone” and that the map today can be more than a technical piece of industrial perfection, but can move in an anti-modern direction by refusing to be alienated from reality, social conditions, and philosophical or ideological thought. My favorite line, with apologies, had to be “What the fuck was all this antique shit?!” Language aside, I think that the notion that the map is highly relevant and not obsolete at all really resonated with me. Furthermore, his use of “shit” reminded me of Milan Kundera’s philosophical novels, which often contrasted the notion of kitsch with “shit”, the former being incredibly focused on the aesthetics of something and totalizing it as such, and the latter as an acknowledgment of bodily and spiritual ugliness and imperfection. Therefore, a map is not only a visual tool or an aesthetic creation. It is also a text of argument that can be deeply ethical because of its acknowledgment of historical complexities and certain environmental and social problematics.

I found this notion of ethical cartography to be echoed in all of the other readings, such as the petrochemicals map that aimed to expose certain environmental use and misuse of chemicals and emissions that occur around water bodies and the manmade shoreline, or in the map of New Orleans known as Lead and Lies, that annotated both the lead soil content but also the problems New Orleans faced in racial, ethnic and immigrant discrimination whilst building and rebuilding itself post-Hurricane Katrina. In combining a political issue with an environmental issue, frankly, who was to say which was political and which was environmental, since the lead and the lies appeared to be a little of both? To “question the assumptions and limits of the visualisations that we’ve inherited” as claimed by Anu Mathur and Dilip da Cunha, is to question what visualisation even is. Without an implication only on the sense of sight and things that are apparent, I want to view this assignment as a starting point by which to think about the notion of subjectivity even in something that appears to be objectively technical, such as a topographical structure or a map of a city.

I have to say that my favourite reading this week had to be The House that Crack Built, since it was not an explicit map, but did indeed map out the process by which economies and societies are funded and fuelled by the same vices. More than a flat structure of the crack industry, The House that Crack Built has a lyrical s structure with repetition that reminded me of the very first week’s poem about hands and air pockets between our interconnectedness as a global people, where many nested structures of an environmental/social issue lie. The notion that a house that crack built has a history and people’s stories and narratives behind them isn’t necessarily new. However, the process of crack black market sales and the people they hurt and also benefit is so tenuous and complex that even if I subconsciously knew about this process, without having it mapped out for me, I subconsciously sift details away and dehumanise the issue. Instead, The House that Crack Built is constructed with simple rhyme. But it is this detailing of a systemic and cyclical viciousness by which crack ruins and builds, that allows for me to go beyond an issue on its surface and confront its reality. What was most interesting to me was that reality does not have to be objective: rather, the use of subjective mapping is what brings out what is “true” about a situation or a crisis. It is the infusion of certain lenses or senses by which to see a landscape that we better understand the relationships that are embedded within a space. In my writing assignment this week, I hope to be able to move away from my words per se and look at how I can achieve an effect of subjectively impactful reality.

#yanli #week7

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chadpetersondatingblog · 7 years ago

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Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Do I Stop Hating Myself?

Hey Doc, long time reader, first time poster. I’m 20 years old and my MAJOR problem is that I am a badly socialized spiteful thrall of technology (or asshole) Needless to say I am disappointed by this to say the least. Shit I’m average and VERY replaceable as far as humans go. When I say very replaceable I mean I am nothing more than student droid 553471. No defining features and modesty works against me as I see myself as a machine, a tool to produce results but I HATE the entire concept of love. I wish that I could become a techpriest doc, i really do.

So anyway, the women in my town do not interest me.

Bars are OK, not a fan of the Saturday night crowd who get blitzed and start fights. Nightclubs, fuck that I went to quite a few and I dislike them immensely. I am quite out of shape and am working out at home until I can be in shape enough to do team sports (if I am to do team sports I should be in shape enough to make a fucking difference, not puking after running 5 feet. Hang out at my local game store a lot, that’s all cool and i enjoy it, not so great for women but i knew the score there. Conventions at my town fucking suck and are tiny. University, I have SUCH a hatred for communism that will be an instant deal-breaker, also computer science student so I’m at a disadvantage there. I kind of have NO idea of what to do in the real world, if that makes sense, my world is a virtual one and often I wish I could be converted into a tech-priest so I will never have to deal with flesh matters.

Seems that my decisions are powered by hate mostly, I hate communists, I hate hippies, I hate art students, I hate vegans, I support factory farming and would happily demolish a thousand forests to replace them with factories.

I also have such a low opinion of people I am constantly expecting them to stab me in the back or ruin my chances at a career just because they can. Sometimes my anger fades and I receive clarity of my thrall nature.

I genuinely expect women to pass me by and I fully expect them to only humor me to punish me later. Fuck doc, the Tropico 1 soundtrack is the only thing keeping me from thrashing around at my computer desk here.

This is not a question of ‘why don’t girls like me’, its because i’m an simmering angry negative asshole who hasn’t been socialized properly.

I know that this path will not lead to a good place. I have a limited amount of friends, no ones that can introduce me to girls as the friends I’m most active with are the weird-but-fun guys at the game store and my friends that could have led me to women I have fallen away from (moved away and laziness led me to stop talking to them).

I’m fucking 20 now doc, and that is young and I don’t know my ass from a hole in the ground. I have achieved nothing and if my hate continues I will end up far older with way more problems. Time waits for no one and even Time Lords rot.

Therapy is a darned option, I am putting this here so you will not need to.

Yours Sincerely

BalefulEye

You may have put it your letter BE, but I’m going to say it anyway: more than anything else, you need to be talking to a therapist. A therapist is going to be able to provide you with more, long term support and help you develop the skills you need to overcome your anger, than a loudmouth with a blog. The issues you have are deep and entrenched and some of them may be chemical in nature, which will require medication to alleviate. So before anything else, you need to get your ass into therapy. And I mean booking sessions with a qualified professional, not just guided exercises like MoodGym. You need to be working with someone who’ll keep you accountable and call you on your shit.

But whether you do talk therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy, medication or any combination of the above… the issue isn’t that you hate other people because frankly… I don’t think you do. I think you hate yourself and that hate is directed outwards so that you push people away from you. It’s a supremely fucked up way of both protecting yourself and punishing yourself. On the one hand, by being this angry ball of hate, you keep people at a distance so they can never get close enough to hurt you. But at the same time… you’re also deliberately pushing away people who might want to help you. People who might be your friends. But you don’t believe that you deserve friends. You’re not worthy of them or of help. And so… you push them away. You put on this snarling dog persona and snap at people and say provocative things because you believe you’re a pile of shit and don’t deserve anything in your life. You know you’re miserable and that’s good because fuck you that’s why.

Part of it is that you know you’re smart. And as much as I hate to quote TV shows at people looking for advice (actually that’s a lie, I do it all the fucking time), I’m gonna quote some Rick and Morty at you. Because you know you’re intelligent. But you also use that intelligence as your excuse to justify sickness. And in this case, that sickness is the self-hate that you’re letting fester at your core. It’s really easy to come up with reasons for it. You’re smart, you should already be doing better, you should be further along, you shouldn’t be a fat lonely CS student and look at all these other fucking people thinking they’re so happy when they’ve got things you’d kill for and FUCK THEM because they’re happy and you’re not.

And here’s the really fucked up part: you’re also going to fight any changes to get better. Not just because being misery is a way of punishing yourself for your perceived and imaginary sins, but because, quite frankly, not feeling this way is fucking terrifying. It may be miserable. You may be lonely and hate yourself and wish the world would just compress into a singularity… but it’s what you know. Just like you’re terrified of the real world. The virtual world may be leaving you feeling empty and hollow – and I suspect it’s reinforcing some of your issues – but you know it. The real world, as much as you know you can’t avoid it, is scary because it has rules that you haven’t mastered, corners you haven’t explored. Here there don’t just be dragons, there be people, people you can’t just ignore, killfile, block, mute or otherwise shape into what you want.

But you know this has to change. You wouldn’t have written to me if you didn’t want to change. And to a certain extent, I think you’re asking for permission to actually start fixing things.

So while you find a therapist – and Captain Awkward has a couple great posts about doing just that – here’s what I want you to do.

First: I want you to start focusing on getting your asshole brain under control. You know the one I mean: it’s the one that’s dripping poison in your ear and telling you that you’re worthless, that people are just waiting for opportunities to hurt you and you’ll never amount to anything. You’re going to do this by simply being a bit more mindful. I know it’s trendy to recommend things like mindfulness meditation for everything and it has the patchouli stink of the hippies and vegans you hate… it’s perfect for what you want. All you want to do is simply get a handle on your brain and feel things clearly and deliberately, instead of reflexively and impulsively.

You’re just going to sit in a chair, with your back straight, your feet flat on the ground and your hands in your lap, close your eyes and breathe. All you’re going to do is pay attention to your breathing. Just focus on the sensations of your breath going in, your lungs expanding, then contracting and exhaling. This will be insanely difficult. Your brain will go off on a thousand tangents, with at least half of them saying “this is stupid, this is bullshit, what am I doing?” That’s fine. That happens to everyone. When – not if, when – it happens, note those thoughts. Literally “Ok, here’s a thought.” And once you’ve noted that you’re having thoughts… go back to focusing on your breathing. That’s all you do. Sit, close your eyes, focus and refocus on your breathing. Do this for ten minutes every day. It’ll help calm the storms in your head.

(If you’re interested in more about this, you may want to check out 10% Happier by Dan Harris.)

Second: You’re going to stop beating yourself up about where you “should” be in life or what you “ought to be” doing or any of the rest of that. You are going to excise “should” from your vocabulary. There is no “should”, there is just “is”. “Should” is a value judgement based on bullshit. “Should” is part of stealing your contentment from you. “Should” is the cudgel that you’re using to pound yourself in the nuts. You are where you are right now. There are places where you would like to be. But there is no place you should be. Your journey is uniquely your own and trying to force it to a specific timeline or itinerary is going to keep you miserable.

Third: You’re going to embrace imperfection. Right now, you’re using the idea of not being able to do something properly as the reason to not do it.

Case in point: team sports. You want to do team sports? Fine, go do team sports. Stop waiting, stop delaying and stop isolating yourself in the name of eventually joining others. You’re using the fact that you’re out of shape as an excuse to not do what you want to do, and I am here from the future to tell you that you will never reach a point where you think you’re “ready,” because being out of shape is an excuse. As soon as you’re in shape, you’ll say you can’t join because you’ve never played before so you need to learn how to play before you can joint a team. Once you learn how to play, you’ll say that you don’t know how to play with a group so now you can’t.

So fuck it. Start playing now. Except you’re going to shift your intentions. You’re not worried about “contributing” – another excuse you’re using to not do something, another flogger you use to flagellate yourself – you’re participating. Find the leagues that aren’t there for the competition but for the fun of it. It may be an amateur softball league. It may be bowling. It could be kickball. You want to find the people who are just there to have a good time, hang out with their teammates and play some games. Not only will this take the “should” out – again – but it’ll mean that you’ll get in shape faster and more efficiently. It’s far easier to stick to exercise that you actively enjoy instead of things that you have to force yourself into.

Yeah, you won’t be very good. Fuck it. The fact that you’re doing it at all is a victory. It’s proof that you can do more than your shitty, asshole brain tells you that you can. You don’t need to excel. You just need those tiny victories. Let yourself suck at it… just so long as you’re having fun and playing with people who are there to have fun. You can join the more serious teams later on when you’ve leveled up.

Fourth: You’re going to get off the computers. Remember what I said about your virtual world making things worse? This is part of it. I can hear the edgelord in your letter, and it’s pretty clear to me that you’re spending your time in corners of the Internet where people gather mostly to stew in their anger and hate. I don’t care if it’s Reddit, Voat, 4chan, Gab, Slack or just the people you follow on Twitter. The more you expose yourself to other negative, angry people, the more your own anger and self-loathing gets reinforced. The more you listen to people who tell you that you’re a worthless pile of shit, the more you believe you’re a worthless pile of shit. The more people tell you that you shouldn’t be happy… well, even if you don’t believe them, that shit sinks in and steals your joy. Cut it from your life as much as possible.

Yeah, yeah, safe spaces, snowflakes, etc. I’ve heard all of it before and frankly, those are the words thrown around by people who are literally afraid of silence. They dress their fear up as bravery and iconoclasm – I’m so tough I tell it like it is, I’m not afraid of harsh truths – because if they stop yelling for five seconds, they’ll be confronted by their own thoughts. Rolling around in anger and misery doesn’t mean that you’re smart, it means you’re in pain. Surrounding yourself with vitriol doesn’t mean you’re tough. It just means you’re hiding from yourself. You become like a shark, constantly moving and thrashing because stopping means ego-death. It means listening to all the things you’ve been trying to block out.

But here’s the thing about those safe spaces: they’re an oasis of calm. They’re a balm to your anxiety, a cool hand to a fevered forehead. They’re moments when you don’t have to have your shields up, when you’re not getting blasted by a cacophony of bullshit. And whether it’s just for a few minutes, an hour or longer… you’re calm. You’re at peace. You’re in a place where you can just be, recharge your batteries and let go of every tense muscle and relax.

So you need to dial the fuck back on where you’re spending time in your virtual world, with all of your fellow travellers who want you to be just as miserable and angry as they are. I suspect that you’ll find that some of your anger and rage subsides.

Fifth: You’re going to find something meaningful and pursue it. It doesn’t need to be practical. It just has to be something that speaks to your very soul. It could be anything – you might volunteer to walk the dogs at a pet shelter, you might plant a garden, you might take up painting or learning an instrument even if you never master it. It doesn’t matter what it is – it just has to be something you do in physical space, something that doesn’t harm anyone (including you) and that brings fulfillment to your soul. One of your issues right now is that you don’t have anything that you want or that you live for. Well now’s your chance. You’re going to start doing something – anything – that has meaning for you. What meaning? That’s up to you to decide.

Don’t know what it is? That’s fine. That means it’s time to explore and figure it out. You’ve got all the time in the world.

Sixth: This may be one of the hardest parts, but it’s also the most important. You’re going to forgive yourself.

You need to forgive yourself for all those sins that you feel are weighing you down. You need to forgive yourself for the anger that’s taken root in you and for the ways you’re disappointed in yourself. You need to forgive yourself for all the things that you feel like you should have done by now but haven’t and also for using those achievements as a yardstick to measure your “failure”. You need to forgive yourself for the pain you’ve caused yourself. You need to forgive yourself for “being average” and for the time that you feel like you’ve wasted getting here. And when you and your therapist reach your breakthroughs and you start clawing your way out of that hole – and you will get there – then you need to forgive yourself for the time that it took to finally take the steps that got you there.

I’m not going to lie to you, BE. You’ve got a lot to work through and you’re in a position that’s really fucking hard to pull yourself out from.

But I’m here to tell you: it can be done. You can do it. You have the strength. You have the courage and you have the ability. You just need to take that first step.

It’s going to be a long and hard road. It is going to suck like few things have sucked before. But the journey will be worth it and the destination even moreso.

You’re going to be ok. I promise.

All will be well.

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ashleyjacksonblog · 7 years ago