#its like one of those video game glitches where the head goes wrong

[spockvarietyhour]

Stargate SG-1 “Avenger 2.0″

[lakesandquarries]

ghost in your house (ghost in your arms)

Summary: Benrey's been living with Gordon after the events of Black Mesa, but he's starting the think it'd be better if he wasn't. Gordon doesn't agree.

title and inspiration from “ghosting” by mother mother.

AO3 Link 

It’s early when Gordon wakes up. Or late, depending on how you look at it. The sky outside is dark, with a faint glow that means the sun is about to rise, and when he looks at his alarm clock it says 6:31 AM.

If he really wanted, he could go back to sleep. But Benrey had been acting weird last night, and Gordon’s a little...concerned. Not his usual weird, either. He’d been all...jumpy, distracted, quiet. He’d barely spoken to Gordon, hadn’t eaten, didn’t even seem interested in the Mario game he was playing. Gordon had watched him fail the same stage 4 times in a row.

He’s not worried about them. It’s just, when your roommate is some kind of eldritch horror, you gotta pay attention when they seem off.

Gordon stumbles out of his room with eyes still bleary, glasses clutched in one hand, and almost walks straight into Benrey. “You’re up early,” he says, rubbing his eyes until his vision comes into focus. Benrey looks slightly dazed, standing in the middle of the living room with...hold on.

“Is that my backpack?”

“Uhhhhhhhh,” they say. “Nope.”

“Don’t fuckin lie to me, man, that’s mine. What’re you doing with it?”

Benrey just keeps staring. Their pupils are huge in the dim lighting, round like a cats. Gordon squints his eyes at them, folding his arms. Finally, they say, “I was just gonna leave.”

Oh, goddamnit. “Dude, it’s 6 am. Where exactly are you planning on going?”

“Uh. Y’know. Out.”

“I don’t know, actually,” Gordon says. He’s trying his best to keep his tone even, but he can’t help the bit of anger that slips out. What the fuck is Benrey playing at here?

Benrey sings a bubble of pale gray Sweet Voice, followed by an assortment of clear. Fuck, Gordon wishes he knew what that meant. He’ll have to ask Tommy later. Benrey is still quiet otherwise, and Gordon sighs. “Benrey,” he says, gentler. “What’s going on?”

Benrey huffs, looking away and adjusting his hat. “’m sick of waiting,” they mumble, barely intelligible.

“W - Waiting for what? ”

The perpetual shadow over his eyes seems to get darker, somehow. “Y’know,” they say again, and this time Gordon explodes.

“I don’t! I don’t know fucking anything because you won’t talk to me! All you do is sit around playing video games and being fucking cryptic and now you’re trying to sneak out at 6 in the goddamn morning!”  His fists have found their way into his hair, gripping tightly.

More of those clear bubbles slip out, then black to a dark red. “I’m n - I’m not supposed to be here,” Benrey says, voice flat. “I’m - you killed me.”

Gordon winces at the reminder. “Yeah, well, you got my arm chopped off, so -”

“‘m not mad,” they add quickly. “‘s just how things had to go. But, uh, I’m not….” he trails off, making an obnoxious lip smacking noise. “I don’t have my passport for this area.”

Gordon sighs. “Since when do you care?”

“Mmb,” Benrey says. “Uhhhh.” More of the red bubbles. “Why’re you so mad about this?”

“Why am I mad about you trying to leave in the middle of the night?”

“Yeah. I thought you, uh, hated me and everything.”

“I -” Gordon sighs, rubbing his temples. Yelling’s not gonna help here, if he wants to understand what the hell is happening. He forces his voice to sound calm, or at least as calm as he can manage. “It’s more complicated than that, man.” Honestly, he doesn’t hate Benrey as much as he used to. He doesn’t like him, but….he’s not the worst roommate, and he’s a lot less antagonistic now. “I mean, we’ve never even talked about….everything.”

“I got your arm chopped off,” Benrey says.

“Yeah, and I’m still pissed about that. But you haven’t done anything like that here .”

“Sooo can I go now?”

“What? No!” God he’s exhausting to talk to. “Why do you wanna leave?”

He smacks his lips again, looking at the floor. “‘s easier than waiting to get kicked out,” they say.

Gordon rubs his temples again. “I’m not gonna kick you out -”

Benrey looks up at him, eyes narrowed. “You - I - you’re the, the main character. I’m the uh….the bad guy. Duh,” and then he starts humming what Gordon thinks is supposed to be Bad Guy by Billie Eilish. “Right? You beat me. Kill the bad guy, win the game. But now, uh….shit’s all fuck. Bad guy respawned.” He shoots Gordon a wry, tired smile. “So, game’s not over, right? Game, uh….new stage. But you, you’re still the good guy. Fucking, little plumber man Mario. Princess is in another castle, gotta beat Bowser again. Just cause it’s a new stage doesn’t mean Mario and Bowser are gonna be bros. Right?”

He’s about to yell at Benrey for not making any sense when it clicks. “Are - do you think I’m gonna try to kill you again?”

Benrey shrugs, looking away, pulling his hat down over his face.

“Benrey,” Gordon says, trying his best to sound gentle. “I’m not - I only killed you cause you were trying to kill me!”

“I wasn’t actually gonna do it,” Benrey mutters. He shoves his hands in his pockets, hunching over.

“Then why the hell were you shooting at me!” Gordon yells, nearly hitting himself with his wild gesturing.

Benrey lets out a snort, almost a laugh but too….tired. Almost sad, if that’s an emotion Benrey can actually feel. “Game’s gotta have a villain,” he says.

“Stop being fucking cryptic and just say what you mean for once,” Gordon demands. “You were trying to kill me. You got my arm cut off. Why?”

Benrey sighs. “Game’s gotta have a villain,” he repeats. “Doesn’t matter if...if Bowser wants to fuckin, uh, become a chef or something. He’s gotta kidnap the princess. Even if he spends the whole game hanging out with Mario, he’s still….he’s still the bad guy.”

It’s not really any more comprehensible, but, well, that's Benrey. Gordon doesn’t think it’s physically possible for him to be straightforward. The meaning is clear enough, anyway.

“”So you...didn’t wanna be the villain?”

They shrug, trying so hard to seem casual and uncaring, but their expression gives it away. There’s a glint in their eyes, a spark that’s usually missing.

“So then what was with everything else? If you didnt wanna be the villain why were you such an asshole the whole time?”

“Thought it’d be easier.” Their shoulders tense up, eyes softening. Maybe sad is an emotion Benrey feels. Maybe Gordon’s been wrong all this time. “Be hard to kill someone you like, right? You’d do something stupid.”

“So, what, you got my arm cut off so I’d be mad at you? I was pissed before that.”

“I didn’t think they were gonna fuck you up that bad. And it wasn’t - it wasn’t s’pposed to be real. ” Yellow eyes dart around, looking at anything but Gordon.

“The fuck does that mean?”

“It was just a game. It wasn’t real. You’re just, you were just some dude playing a video game, right? When Mario gets punched it’s like, whatever. The guy playing doesn’t care. If he gets punched enough though maybe he’ll just like....give up. Bowser gets to, uh, release the princess and go fuck around. I didn’t....'s supposed to just be a game over when Mario gets beat up. Load save.”

“And what about the boss shit at the end? Where you were, y’know, trying to kill me?”

A flicker of emotion flashes over Benrey’s face, before he goes back to his usual deadpan stare. “Uhhhhhh. Bow -”

Gordon shakes his head, “No, no more of that fucking Mario metaphor. Just - can you just talk like a normal person for five minutes?”

“Nah.”

Gordon wants to tear his hair out. He pinches his nose, taking a deep breath, and then another, until he feels like he can speak without trying to beat the shit out of Benrey. “Just. Answer the question. Why did you try to kill me?”

“I don’t remember?”

“Are you fucking with me right now?”

“No!” Benrey says, something close to offense in his voice, like he's actually hurt Gordon doesn’t believe him, but then he drops right back into that tired tone he usually has. “It was all...fuzzy. TV static, but like, in my head? And nothing, uh, nothing was like….real. I just….” he shrugs, picking at his nails. “‘I’m just vibing, bro.” Gordon takes another deep breath, cleaning his fists and preparing to say something, but Benrey presses on. “I tried to turn back. Before we went in, I told you, we had to go back. You didn’t listen.”

“Of course I didn’t listen!” He throws his arms up in the air in sheer exasperation. “You’d been saying nothing but bullshit up until then! How do I know this isn’t more bullshit, huh? How do I know you’re not just - trying to get me to let my guard down, so you can actually kill me?”

Benrey makes a low noise, accompanied by a handful of brownish-blue bubbles. “‘m not,” he mutters. “I didn’t - I don’t wanna be bad.” The shadow over his eyes is black now, the yellow of his eyes unsettlingly dim.

“Then why not fucking say something? ”

“Couldn’t.”

Gordon raises an eyebrow. “And why’s that?”

“It’s like - uh -” They smack their lips again. “Like a fucking, uh, dam. The thing beavers make. Beaver can’t get through.”

At least he’s dropped the Mario metaphor. “Okay. So. Let me recap. You….didn’t want to be the villain, you were trying to get me to...quit? And when that didn’t work, you intentionally pissed me off so I’d kill you at the end ‘cause you couldn’t actually say what was going on.”

“Basically, yeah.”

Well, fuck. When Gordon says it out loud like that it’s….actually kinda sad.

No. No! He’s not gonna start feeling bad for fucking Benrey of all people. Gordon balls his fists, pushing down every stupidly sympathetic emotion he’s having. “Okay. Let’s backtrack a bit. Why are you telling me all this?”

Benrey shrugs. “Got tired of waiting for you to kill me.”

“I already said, I’m not -”

Benrey glitches. His face disappears for a second, replaced by a cracked and decayed skull, and then suddenly he’s normal again. A shriek tears its way out of Gordon as he backs away from them, almost slamming into the wall. For a second he’s back in Xen, watching Benrey’s massive form glitch and deform, and then he shakes his head and reminds himself that he’s in his apartment and Benrey is at least the size of a human being. “What the hell was that?”

“How come you don’t believe me but I’m supposed to believe you? Huh? Gordon got trust issues? Gordon skeptic man?”

“I think I’ve got more than enough reasons to have fucking trust issues, man!” He’s still pressed against the wall, hands curling into fists.

“But Benrey’s gotta trust you. Benrey’s not allowed to be scared.”

“Are you saying you’re fucking afraid of me? ”

Benrey’s Sweet Voice is high pitched and vaguely dark, like a bubble made of shadows. Gordon can’t translate, but it feels like a yes.

“You know what? I think I’m okay with that.” Gordon peels himself off the wall, stepping closer to Benrey, holding out his prosthetic hand. “Now you get how I felt the entire fucking time we were in Black Mesa.”

The bubbles get darker, a deep, almost dripping black. “‘m sorry,” Benrey mumbles.

Gordon blinks. “What?”

They repeat themself, louder this time. “I’m sorry. For. Uh. Everything?”

The only thing Gordon can think to say is, “What the fuck?”

“I’m tryna be nice!” Benrey says. He’s pouting . Like a little kid or some shit. “It’s called an apology , bro.”

“I know what a fucking apology is! I just wasn’t expecting one from you , of all people!”

“I don’t wanna be bad,” Benrey says quietly. “Can I go now?”

“What?” Fuck, with everything else they’ve been...arguing about, Gordon forgot this whole thing started because Benrey was trying to leave. “No!”

Benrey opens his mouth, looking like he’s about to say something, but all that comes out is Sweet Voice. A lot of Sweet Voice. Black to red, gray to clear, dripping black, translucent dark, swirling around him until Gordon can’t even see Benrey under all the bubbles. When they fade...Benrey’s still standing there, and he’s crying.

Gordon’s never seen him cry before.

“I don’t wanna be bad,” Benrey says again. “This was supposed to be my chance to be not bad.” They scrub at their eyes, turning away from Gordon. “This - this is sucks.”

Fuck.

He doesn’t want to feel bad. He doesn’t want to feel sympathetic. Benrey spent the entire time they were in Black Mesa trying to fuck with Gordon, and a few tears don’t erase that.

But.

“I believe you,” Gordon says. Benrey turns back around.

“Whu?”

“I believe you,” Gordon says again. “That you didn’t wanna...do everything that you did.” He pauses, closing his eyes for a second. “And - I’m sorry too.”

Benrey stares. Does not blink. Continues to not blink as the silence drags on, until Gordon feels like he has to say something else.

“I kinda...assumed you were a piece of shit from the beginning. Didn’t really give you a chance, I guess. So. I’m sorry for all of that, and for the whole, killing you thing.”

“You don’t gotta apologize for that,” Benrey mumbles. He’s still not blinking, eyes wide. “Uh. Thanks.”

“And - if you really wanna leave….” Gordon sighs. He still doesn’t trust Benrey, not in the way he trusts Tommy and Dr Coomer and even Bubby. But. “I’m not gonna stop you.”

“If I stay are you gonna….be less mad? Less Gordon Angy Momence?”

“I’ll - I’ll try.”

“I, uh. I think I’ll stay.”

“I’m gonna -” Fuck, he’d been planning on getting up before this. He’d been all ready to start his day. Yeah, fuck that. “I’m gonna go back to sleep.”

“Gordon sleepman,” Benrey says, nodding his head. He taps his fingers together. “Hey,” he says, holding his hands up. “You wanna. Uh. Hug?”

He’s not even gonna try to understand what’s happening now. “You know what? Sure.” He steps forward and lets Benrey wrap his arms around him, and after a moment, wraps his around them. It’s….not entirely unpleasant. Benrey is a good bit shorter than Gordon, so with them leaning in against his chest he ends up with his head perched on theirs, hat scratching his chin a bit. Benrey’s arms are thick and strong, and the way he’s holding Gordon should be terrifying but somehow it’s not.

He steps back after a minute, scrubbing at his face again. “Cool. Uh. Poggers,” Benrey says, and Gordon rolls his eyes but he’s smiling a little despite himself.

“Good - well, it’s not night anymore, but. You get the idea. I’m gonna go pass out.”

“Cool,” Benrey says again.

Gordon stumbles back into his room, collapsing into bed. It’s the most peaceful sleep he’s had in a month.

(Sweet Voice Translation notes: gray to clear: i shouldn’t be here black to red: i should be dead dirty blue: i don’t wanna hurt you dark like the shade: i’m afraid black and tarry: i’m sorry)

[sweetsmellosuccess]

Sundance 2021: Day 4

Films: 4 Best Film of the Day(s): Mass

Mass: Predictably, Fran Kranz’ film opens with a shot of a church, but the title turns out to be a reverberating double entendre   —  both the religious service towards forgiveness; and a term commonly used in conjunction with a multiple-homicide shooting event. The church, Episcopal it turns out, is the agreed-to meeting place for two sets of grieving parents: Gail (Martha Plimpton) and Jay (Jason Isaacs), whose teen son Evan was killed some years before in a high-school massacre; and Linda (Ann Down) and Richard (Reed Birney), whose son, Haden, was the shooter, before killing himself in the school library. They have agreed to meet, long after the lawsuits and legal wrangling have been settled, to possibly provide answers and solace to one another. As can be expected, the atmosphere is fraught with tension  —  a setting Kranz, an actor making his directorial and writing debut, expertly mines before the couples arrive, with a kind but overenthusiastic church administrator (Breeda Wool), fretting about the details of the food arrangement  —  and the couples, wary, at first, of letting things get hostile, work diligently to avoid disagreement by staying mild (an arrangement of flowers Linda brings is speculated upon a great deal). Eventually, however, the four wounded parents get down to more brass tacks, Gail and Jay eschewing their therapist’s call for them to avoid “interrogation” questions, to get at the root of what they are after. In truth, as Kranz has the characters cannily come to understand, there are no details that shed new light, no explanations that help rectify what they’ve lost, only a grim understanding that, as parents, they are all subject to the laws of chaos and chance. Unsurprisingly, Kranz has an actorly sense of conflict and explication, but, despite the limited setting (this could easily have been an adapted play), he gives his actors plenty of room with which to work, and the quartet are more than up to the task. They are each terrific, and given opportunity to shine, but it’s Plimpton’s monologue near the end about her son that becomes the film's singular tour-de-force moment, a scene with so many hooks and edges, it sticks to you like velcro. Kranz is careful not to overstep his dramatic boundaries, difficult given the potentially melodramatic elements of the story, and allows his actors enough time to breathe so it avoids feeling polemic or preachy (an early scene with Gail and Jay in the car before they arrive is a scintillating bit of set-up, where words are spoken, but our attention, like that of the characters, is entirely elsewhere). No easy answers, thankfully, just brutal realizations that can’t be avoided.  

A Glitch in the Matrix: By this time, documentary filmmaker Rodney Ascher has carved out a sort of niche for himself: As with Room 237, and The Nightmare, he has gathered up fringe thinkers displaying a sort of group psychosis in order to explore other ways of seeing, and interpreting, our world. His docs don’t come down on either side of a given conundrum  —  are any of the far-out, would-be explanations of The Shining in 237 the least bit sensible? Is it possible in The Nightmare for people experiencing the horror of sleep paralysis to share in the same horrific vision?  —  but he carefully doesn’t contradict any of his subjects either. His new film, an exploration of what’s known as “simulation theory,” concerns a pattern of thought described back in 1977 by the heavily adapted science fiction author Philip K. Dick during an appearance in France, suggesting, Matrix-style, that all that we think we see and know is actually an intricate virtual reality, brought to us by an unseen technological force. True to his form, Ascher interviews numerous applicants to the theory  —  many of whom portrayed by VR avatars in their own homes  —  including scholars, practitioners, and skeptics, and bolstering their arguments with an assortment of other media, from Minecraft, Philip K. Dick-based films, and crude computer animations, to video games, and youtube videos. The views are intentionally conflictive  —  one subject suggests the very idea of such conflict is the basis of the simulation  —  and anything but conclusive, but, of course, that’s the very point. Less unsettling than The Nightmare, one of the few true horror movies of the documentary genre I’ve ever seen, save for the account of Joshua Cooke, who pled guilty to killing his parents in cold blood after cementing his belief that the ideas portrayed in The Matrix were completely real. Listening to his step-by-step description, from prison, of his descent into madness, and where those impulses took him, is to drop into first-person shooter psychosis.

Coming Home in the Dark: Both Australia and New Zealand are blessed with spectacularly beautiful land that is filled with wide-open, terrifying vast spaces in which any amount of evil may lurk. In dark, violent films like Wolf Creek and Killing Ground, all that beauty and space is turned on its head by far more chaotic inclinations, rendering brutally effective, and stomach-churning sadism as a means of displaying the horrible duality of the land. Kiwi director James Ashcroft attempts to add to this cinematic legacy with this film, a murder-abduction sort of thriller, in which a family on a camping trip in the wilds, is brutalized by a pair of killers they come across. In a twist that at least one of the killers, Mandrake (Daniel Gillies) would have us believe is a coincidence, it turns out the patriarch of the family, Alan (Erik Thompson), used to teach at the abusive orphanage school in which both Mandrake, and his partner, Tubbs (Matthias Luafutu) suffered as children. It’s not a believable conceit, which Ashcroft seems to readily admit, but because it makes the connection, the film attempts to work as a kind of metaphor for the violence which we didn’t perpetrate, but also did nothing to stop. Mandrake as an avenging angel, foisting Alan’s lack of empathy back onto him in violent spades. It’s difficult to fault a film for not being transgressive and shocking enough, exactly, but despite the theatrics of the situation, and Mandrake’s coldly comic engaging of the couple in “regular conversation,” it doesn’t have the heart to be as effective and unsettling as it needs to be. It plays it too safe, which saves the audience from being plunged into the all-too-realistic terror of, say, Killing Ground, but also dilutes the stronger point it wants to make about systemic brutality.

The Blazing World: Related to the 17th Century Margaret Cavendish novel in basic concept, Carlson Young’s feature debut walks a wobbly line between linear narrative, and neo-gothic opera  —  only with a soundtrack instead of singing. The story concerns a young woman, Margaret (Carlson), who loses her twin sister to a drowning accident as a child, but has imagined ever since that her sister lives in some alternate vortex of reality, heralded by a grinning demon, Leonid  (Udo Kier, of course). Coming back to her childhood home before her battling parents (Dermot Mulroney and Vinessa Shaw) move out altogether, Margaret meets some old friends, does some drugs, and finally enters the fantasia-like world that Leonid has been beckoning her to for most of her life in order to find her trapped sister. There, she must amass a series of keys, plucking them from demon versions of her parents, and confront her own guilt and pain in order to unlock her twin and set everyone free. It would be easy to say Young’s reach far exceeds her grasp, but the fact that she was willing to attempt such an audacious project says something about her artistic chops. And for every moment that hits wrong, there are several more that work in interesting ways. Her aforementioned use of music, and sound design invokes a kind of Kubrickian aesthetic, and her commitment to her vision is palpable. This likely won’t be the best film she ever makes, but it does portend to a filmmaker worth keeping an eye on, going forward.

Sundance goes mostly virtual for this year’s edition, sparing filmgoers the altitude, long waits, standing lines, and panicked eating binges  —  but also, these things and more that make the festival so damn endearing. In any event, Sundance via living room is still a hell of a lot better than no Sundance. A daily report.

[shanlonwrites]

I might trust my partner a little too much (he pranked me real good)

I am going to share with you how Partner managed to scare me worse than I have probably ever been scared in my life tonight using our new smart TV. 

We splurged on the new TV about a month ago. Partner is an avid player of video games, and I also enjoy playing. We also love to watch movies. So, we got a fancy new TV - first one we’ve ever bought for ourselves! - with Smart features. Like airplay. 

We’ve been enjoying using the airplay function to set up those ambient soundscape videos from YouTube. Lately it’s been background holiday music while we tidy up/have company over. Sometimes YouTube videos, Game Grumps, my costube/art videos. Background sounds. 

Tonight we opted for Netflix and watched Sister Act. Partner had never seen it before, so I was happy to show him one of my comfort films. By the time Sister Act ended, we had both more or less drifted into doing our own things, as is our habit. Partner was doing some banking/organizing some stuff on Steam. I was noodling around on my laptop doing whatever. Ignoring the TV, Netflix decides we should definitely follow up Sister Act with a viewing of Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit, and carries on. Partner has work early in the morning, so he goes to get ready for bed. 

I’m sitting happily in the living room, serenaded by the sweet sounds of Whoopi Goldberg, barely paying attention. Suddenly Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit cuts out and black and white interference lines start playing, accompanied by garbled audio. The time tracker at the bottom pops up and indicates there is about an hour and some odd left of... whatever this was supposed to be. 

We just finished listening to The Lovecraft Investigations podcast from the BBC, so garbled audio is pretty closely associated in my head with creepy crawlies. I go tell Partner what’s up. 

“It’s really weird,” I say, standing outside the bathroom, “It’s like, old TV static. I don’t know what happened to Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit. Now it’s on the airplay screen." Something starts to click. “You think one of the neighbours tried to play something to our TV by accident and it freaked out?” 

“That is weird,” says Partner helpfully, “Maybe.” 

I am a trusting person. Especially of Partner.

I should rethink this.

I go back to the living room. The TV is still innocently displaying the airplay screen. I go back to noodling on my computer in silence, no longer thinking anything of it. 

The little fake Christmas tree with its fibre optic lights blinks softly in the background. The cat is asleep on his pillow on the chair. I drift back into my own stuff. 

Then, out of nowhere, it is as if a portal to my nightmares opens before me in the form of a super-sleek Smart TV. 

A grotesque, distorted figure appears from the blackness, its human features mushed into some vague semblance of a face. The lumpy, uneven shape of its skull constricts like putty into an unnaturally long neck. Its eyes roll wildly. Its mouth gapes. It yells in a ghastly monotone:

“NnnnnooooOOOOOOOOO. NOOOOOOOOOOOO.”

I feel like I have been pushed off a ledge and am in free-fall. I want Away from this thing. I have seen the face of God, and it is horrible. I throw my laptop down on the couch and run. 

“Oh my God no! Nope! No way, no way, no way,” I yell, as I run across the living room, through the kitchen, and down the hallway to the bedroom at the far end of the apartment. 

Something is sticking in my mind. I am aware that someone is fucking with me. I am aware this is not a missive from the old ones, or ghosts, or an alien communique. In my mind I am thinking: one of our neighbours, or someone on the street outside out flat, or someone far away on the internet, has hacked our TV and is fucking with me.

But isn’t that, in itself, just a little bit horrific?

And it is then, as I pass the bathroom, where Partner is preparing for bed, on my way to the safety of our bedroom, that I hear cackling. 

Partner is losing his shit.

And, slowly, I start to put the pieces together. 

I double back from the bedroom and sit on the floor in the hall across from the bathroom door, huddled in a ball, waiting for Partner to emerge. 

After a minute or two, his laughter calms and he emerges from the bathroom to see me shaking in a ball outside the door. His demeanour changes and he kneels down to look in my face and confirm that he has not, in fact, just ended our relationship. 

“Oh my God, sweetie, I am so sorry!” he says, still chuckling. “It was me! I’m sorry!”

“Why would you choose that!” I cry, “I was sitting in the quiet and then the TV started yelling at me!”

“What did I play?” 

Turns out, he had been looking for a creepy video to scare me with, but wanted to preview it first to make sure it wouldn’t hit too hard, because he does like what we’ve got going and doesn’t feel like sleeping on any couches. But his phone went right to airplay. When I make him look at the video himself, he covers his mouth with his hand and laughs again for a while. 

“Oh no.”

“Yeah,” I confirm. I am still shaking at this point, and we are back in the living room. He watches the video on the TV and loses it again. I’m laughing, too, by this point, because I mean. Come on. 

“It’s really funny,” I’m telling him, reassuring him that I am not going to leave him over this, “I mean you saw your opportunity. You took it. That weird glitch thing earlier had me on edge already.”

He stops and looks at me sympathetically. “Sweetie. It was all me.” 

I look back at him, puzzled. 

“I played the interference earlier. All of it was me. Nothing is wrong with our TV.” 

And that’s how I learned I am too trusting. 

[eeveelutionsforequality]

Hey vape, i dunno if you have clinical anxiety specifically, but what do you do when you're feeling really anxious and it's out of control? I just had a pretty bad panic attack that lasted a few hours and I really thought I was gonna die because I felt like I couldn't breathe. My sister was around so I had an anchor this time, but what do i do when im alone? Sorry for dumping my problems on you, but you're the only person I know that would really understand my problem. Have a nice day :)

Don't feel like you have to apologize for asking for advice! You're not dumping your problems on me at all! I wouldn't say that I was okay with answering people's questions in regards to this sort of thing if I felt at all like I couldn't listen to people's problems!

I have phobias, OCD, generalized anxiety disorder, and a few other conditions that have it as a symptom, and how (or even if) I deal with it sort of depends on which is causing it and what sort of anxiety it is and why I'm anxious and what the circumstances are and all sorts of things.

Firstly though, have you been checked for asthma? I know that my anxiety is one of the worst triggers for my asthma, and a panic attack leading to an asthma attack creates this cycle of panic and breathlessness that really isn't good. I'd recommend just making sure of that, if you can.

If you're having a panic attack that affects your breathing, try to remove yourself from any sources of panic (for example, if it's an annoying but not dangerous or warning noise, like a ticking clock, cover your ears or go to another room) and just focus on getting your breathing in order.

At 8:05 in this video, the Anxiety character runs over a breathing exercise with Thomas that you can repeat to get your breathing in order: https://youtu.be/wr17Kq5bmtI

Also, I do recommend that entire series: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLYA7DZ_sbUzvB1l6KsO5LZV2rrk2u1xl4

While viewing parts of yourself as different, separate entities isn't necessarily good for you if taken to the extreme (in fact that can be detrimental), viewing a side of yourself as something with a more complex array of causal factors and a need for your care and compassion is actually really really helpful, and Thomas handles explaining things really tactfully (there's also quite a bit of advice scattered amidst various episodes about dealing with anxiety).

I saw a post on here about viewing your anxiety as something that's afraid and needs your love and calming, and I do try to view it somewhat like that - like, I try not to think of it as a corruption in my brain that's attacking me, but more like a part of me that's scared and that I need to care for and work to understand.

Because of my agoraphobia, being outside is really hard on my anxiety - everything in my head just becomes a fuzzy mush as soon as I step out of my front door, it's like a half-dissociated state where I feel like I'm mostly on auto-pilot because I'm too confused and stressed to really concentrate on anything that I'm doing, and sometimes I'll do really stupid things (like pick up entirely the wrong shopping) because I'm too inside my panicked thoughts to actually pay attention to what my body is doing. Other times I can get so panicked that I collapse when I'm outside.

If I'm at home alone and I get super anxious, irritable, or angry (or some combination therein) - I'll often put on really loud and really angry music, and work through the emotions in a daydream instead. Marilyn Manson has been my choice of artist over the last few days, but it varies... Combichrist, Angelspit, Aesthetic Perfection, Rammstein, Otep, Metallica, Mindless Self Indulgence, that sort of thing. I used to shut myself in this really small cupboard, but I've taken to just hiding under a duvet lately because that's way more comfortable and easier on the joints. Then I'll usually daydream about a scenario in which I can just violently beat on something to the music (zombie apocalypse, superhero battle, that sort of thing).

There's more kinds of anxiousness and more weird personal coping mechanisms that I have, but I don't particularly know how helpful those would be to talk about here, to be honest. Some of them (like the intensity of the daydreams because of MaDD, or the fact that I have DID so sometimes stress will trigger a switch) aren't so much implementable coping mechanisms as they are my brain just glitching itself into somehow working with its abysmal circuitry. Others of them (like if I'm trying to deal with the anxiousness from psychosis or intrusive thoughts) aren't always the healthiest or safest coping mechanisms.

I think if you're alone and having a panic attack, the first thing to do is to get away from any physical sources of anxiety and focus on getting your breathing back to normal. You won't die - try not to add those concerns to the already too large pile of worries.

Then, once your breathing is more steady and you can keep that up, try some grounding techniques - hugging a pet or a teddy bear, stroking the fur/material, repeating some positive affirmations ("It's going to be okay, I'm okay, I'm safe" sorts of things), and keeping your breathing steady. Counting something like beads on a bracelet can be really helpful.

If there's something that you have to deal with immediately, then get that over with as quickly as possible (for example, if there's a spider that's caused the panic attack, kill it, remove it, or cover it with a bowl/cup as quickly as you can). Then repeat any calming techniques as necessary.

If you like maths or a TV show or something, then there might be something else that you could say/do to distract and calm your mind - I sometimes do maths equations in my head if I feel an oncoming panic attack (for example, 1+1 is 2, 2+2 is 4, 4+4 is 8, 8+8 is 16, 16+16 is 32, and on and on in that pattern, because it's a progression that gets more difficult as it goes along so it eases me into being distracted), but some people might sing a song from their favourite video game, or repeat a particularly long quote that a favourite character says, or something like that.

After that, distractions can be good for a little while - watching a half an hour TV show, listening to music, playing a video game, or something that requires just enough concentration to keep you gripped but not enough to be a strain - don't rush yourself into trying to think and plan, just relax but don't give yourself space to overthink. I've also found that cleaning my teeth is good for that - I clench my jaw a lot when I'm panicking, so cleaning my teeth for a few minutes really helps with the pain that causes.

There's also learning mindfulness techniques - but that's a process, it's not something that you can necessarily just implement tomorrow. It's definitely worth researching and worth considering as a more long-term solution. Being able to neutrally observe emotions and situations, to listen to the worries in your mind non-judgmentally, and so on, can be really good for maintaining a calm state and for actually tackling some of the causes of the panic.

Similarly, talking to a professional is an important long-term solution.

A warm drink also really helps me after the panic has died down - preferably something without caffeine and with marshmallows.

I know some people who've decorated little shoeboxes with wrapping paper and filled them with calming and comforting objects - textures that help with grounding, fond memories in photograph form, cute toys or teddies, positive quotes, or whatever helps them feel good. When they're anxious, they go to the shoebox and look through it for a little while until they feel better.

Honestly though, there are times when it just kind of feels like I have to remind myself that the panic won't last forever, and wait it out, and then work on getting myself back together after it's over - if I keep trying to fight it and worrying about it, then that only adds more strain. The music really helps with that, with just kind of accepting that I'm feeling things and that I'm going to feel them for a bit, but then they're going to go away and I can get up and have a warm drink and watch some mindless TV and start to feel like myself again.

I know that some people are helped by phoning a loved one and talking it through with them - but since phone calls themselves can be a source of anxiety (they are for me, given all of my issues with my voice and speaking at all), I don't know how effective that would be for you.

I hope that there was something in there that helped! I've been awake for about twenty-two hours now, and I've barely had any sleep for the last few nights, so I'm sorry if exhaustion means that I'm not at my best lately.

~ Vape

[dgcatanisiri]

One of the things I think gamers haven’t adapted to is the patch system as it exists now.

Look, I’m never going to go all onboard the ‘since they’re gonna patch things anyway, no need to hold companies to standards on these things’ or anything like that, but... We’re at a point where these games are massive. Where there are enough places for things to go wrong that they can be fixing things still at the moment of release.

And like... Maybe my view is just colored by the fact that I lived through the debacle that was KOTOR 2, where Lucasfilm pushed that game out the door ahead of schedule and refused to let Obsidian release the patch they wanted, and feel that publishers do deserve a little leeway on the bugs and glitches that make it through the final process. 

Like, with Andromeda, people are still using footage from the release to condemn it, citing bugs and glitches - not the game breaking ones, just the animations, the “my face is tired” bit, which was changed after the fifth patch - as the reason it failed. And, okay, I concede that it’s the kind of word of mouth in the early days that can affect the game, but THEY DID FIX IT. Maybe not instantly, but they addressed it. They did something about it.

I will be irritated about bugs at launch, but actively trying to do something - anything - about them goes a long way with me, because I know I couldn’t replicate even a fraction of these games on my own, so these games are surely not easy to make. Things slipping through the cracks are pretty much expected. We may be used to more polish on the games, but, especially with publishers being more demanding of what and how much goes out and overall just demands that everything explicitly always meet the exact deadline no exceptions or extensions... Yeah, I’m willing to be more forgiving about bugs.

Not because I think they should be given a pass, but because games are a major investment. And, especially with publishers like EA embracing the lootbox gambling model, being less forgiving of anything that’s not constantly generating more money for them, yeah, I’m willing to forgive the developers saying ‘this works enough for now, we’ll patch the rest of it after release, let’s get it out the door.’

I’ll put the problems of Andromeda on corporate mismanagement, of a smaller studio being in over their heads, but honestly? This should have been reason to CELEBRATE BioWare Montreal - not only did this small studio manage to put out this game that, if judged purely on its own merits, not in comparison to the trilogy (because holding one game up against three is NEVER fair under any circumstances - even holding it up against just ME1 is hard because we know where those plot threads lead to, we can’t fully distance ourselves from that fact)... It’s really not that bad. It’s got issues, it’s got flaws, the fact that it’s a b-team sequel is kinda obvious all the same... But they DID THIS. Against all odds, this tiny studio got this accomplished while pretty much having to build all the things they genuinely needed for this game on their own - Frostbite wasn’t BUILT for an RPG, it was built for a FPS. Even the problems, they sat down and were making efforts to fix it - they didn’t get to everything, but a majority of the major issues were addressed, down to Jaal being opened up as a romance option, something that resulted in the actors being brought back into the studio, and this was released as a PATCH, not DLC, like the Extended Cut for ME3.

And their reward was unending blame piled on unending blame followed by dissolution. 

We should be looking at this as an underdog story, the deck stacked against BioWare Montreal, given a project too big for them, the Edmonton studio not able to provide aid, EA demanding more focus pulled over to Anthem at Andromeda’s expense, working with tools they had to stop and take time to build, and they still managed to put out this game AND try to shore up where it stumbled. Instead, so many people want to approach it as the death knell of Mass Effect as a franchise, BioWare as a studio, possibly even story-driven single player RPGs as a whole...

It’s ridiculous. And frankly, I think in a few years time, people are going to realize it. Hell, if Anthem crashes and burns (which, given the Battlefront release, and the fact that the EU managed to make the Pokemon games take out their gaming corners after Gen IV - Pokemon, one of the most popular video game franchises EVER, a behemoth if there ever was one, and that franchise was made to blink at the EU - and they’re the ones putting through an investigation about loot boxes as gambling... It’s entirely a valid possibility), assuming BioWare isn’t folded up out of existence, I think it’s reasonable to assume that people will return to Andromeda and say ‘this wasn’t so bad.’

Which is just gonna piss off those of us who have been saying so since it released.

[codyfernaesthetic]

Chocolate part 2

(Part two finally up! Enjoy!)

Feeling the panic rise in your throat, you whirl back to face the stage, still empty, but beginning to move as if going backward. A man appears...disappears...appears...disappears...He looks like Mark, you think for a moment. A horrifying ringing shoots through the air, surrounding you. You cover your ears, but to no avail; it screams louder. You hear creaking, as if reality itself was being forced to bend and contort far beyond its capabilities; warped and molded to fit some twisted design. The world is drained of color, desaturated into a dull gray; flashes of red and blue streaks pulse and blur your vision. The room splits into different parts, shrinking and multiplying; you see them all at the same time, as if staring into a million glitching TV screens with the same image. They begin to converge; making your line of vision smaller and smaller until they become a tiny ball of light which is immediately gone; blown out like a candle. Crushing darkness wraps around you like a python, squeezing every breath from your lungs. That horrible ringing pierces through your ears, stabbing its way into your mind.

In the middle of the darkness, Mark appears inches away from you...no, it can’t be Mark. His skin is gray, surrounded by those flashes of blue and red. His maliciously excited grin seems almost distorted. His black irises borough into you.

“Did you miss me?”

His voice slides over your skin like oil, seeping into your bones, violating every sensibility you have. You try to move, but he holds you captive with a paralyzing gaze; his words become invisible chains weighing you to the black void.

“I missed you...very much,” he continued, savoring every word with predatory pleasure. He clasps his hands behind his back and craned his neck, “I’ve been waiting a long time to see you again.”

A calm realization was able to slip through your panicked thoughts and remind you...you knew him. You’d noticed his influence from the beginning. All those times Mark wasn’t acting quite like himself...all those strange shadow figures and faces appearing in older videos...whenever Mark seemed to slip off the precipice of sanity and become possessed by something...dark, it was him.

And now he was making a personal appearance.

The dark figure’s tone became biting, frustrated, “I’ve been pushed aside...replaced...mocked. And then he had the gall to not invite me to his little adventure with you. No more. Never again.”

For a moment your vision blurred, blue and red painting across your eyes as the creature smiled, “It’s my turn now.”

Suddenly you were jerked into clarity, his growling voice rising. He became slightly less composed, gesturing angrily as he complained, “I’ve been waiting patiently! He promised he would let me in again!” He furiously readjusted his tie, in fact you began to notice his infrequent fidgeting, as if breaking in a new piece of clothing that didn’t fit exactly right, “I’m tired of giving people a choice. But,” he sighed, calming himself, “I suppose I could give you one last option. Take your pick!” he gestured with both hands to either side of him, “Anything of...four different choices--more than he’d ever given you--” he added with a flippant snarl, “and let’s see how far down this rabbit hole really goes. So, take your pick. Show me what you’ve got.”

He took your shaking hand, his touch cold and electric, sending sharp chills into every nerve, “And maybe,” he added, his features softening, “we’ll have a good date, after all.”

As he placed a gentle kiss on your knuckles, four sleek, black boxes on marble pedestals appeared on both sides of him. You’re terrified to choose, you’re terrified to refuse. You were immersed in the world of the devil you didn’t know, and playing his game meant survival. Heart pounding, you step forward to inspect your options. Each one is engraved with thin silver letters all reading the same word: FREEDOM.

You scrunched your face in confusion. What kind of joke was this? You wanted to confront him, tell him your options were a sham; how were you supposed to know which one to choose? But perhaps that was the point...you never had a choice, only the illusion of it. You find yourself drawn to the last box on the right, gazing at the mockery sprawled out in the word FREEDOM. Betraying your fear with trembling fingers, you lift the box’s lid, daring to glance inside. You stare at a piece of silk, its color a stark, ungodly white. You reach inside and pick up the long cloth, the warm softness contrasting the frozen harshness of the world around you.

“Good choice,” he commented softly, “But why do we need to choose in life?”

Before you can blink, you’re sitting at the restaurant table once again across from him. For a moment, you think you see a glimmer of sincerity emerge from his eyes like a flame in a dark chasm, “If dinner is what you want, then I can provide. And I can take you anywhere you’d like to go,” but then he leans in, voice menacingly seductive, “I can especially take you to the places where you don’t want to go. It’s exciting,” he purrs, barely reigning in a sadistic glee, “knowing that there are endless possibilities waiting for you.”

There’s a sudden glitch, a tear in the illusion’s fabric. He erupts, demonically screaming, “I CAN GIVE YOU ANYTHING!”

It temporarily mends, but he’s disoriented, taking deeper breaths, “I’ve been waiting a long time to get some personal time between us.”

His rage slashes into view again, animalistic, “THERE’S NOTHING YOU OR HE CAN DO TO STOP ME!”

“So,” he snaps back into composure, fixing his tie once more, smiling, “now that we’re here together...we can really get to know each other,” he glitched one last time, a raw scream ripping from his throat.

He offers a caring look, just a friend offering what’s best, “You just need to let me in. It’s as simple as that.”

The silken cloth which you had forgotten you were still holding, began to move; taking on its own life. It crept around your arm, almost like an animal nuzzling close to you, showing a sign of friendship, of affection. Its grip was warm, comforting, like a place of safety. You felt every fear melt away, suddenly wanting desperately to feel the silken embrace on your whole body, on your very soul. The table had disappeared, you were enwrapped in a euphoric mist, floating in the dark, now deeply soothing. He was behind you, inching closer with every released ounce of terror until you felt him at your back. You breathe in a contented sigh and lean your head against his chest, all apprehension disintegrated. His hand traced itself down the cloaked arm, and then found its way up to your shoulder; his touch just as cold, yet more like a soothing balm on an open wound than frostbite. Your peace is shattered with a sharp sting in your veins. You gasp wide-eyed at the blistering white viper crushing your arm, sinking its fangs deeper into your skin. You struggle in vain to throw it off, but he holds you still, his bruising grip tightening like the viper’s. You scream into the void, pain overtaking you.

A violent power rips you out of the blackness and searing pain. You stand blinking in the sun, dazed and reeling. He stands before you, the harsh daylight blurring his glitching form.

“You’re never ever going to escape. Not now--”

Suddenly he begins to shake, gritting his teeth and clutching his side. He emits an animalistic roar, a spear of white light slicing open his chest, that penetrating ringing cutting through your mind. You’re then enwrapped in blackness, groping at nothingness, your scream your only defense. The daylight slashes through and wrenches you back to reality. Your heart feels as if it will punch its way out of your chest, adrenalin shoots through your veins, exacerbated by the impossible sight in front of you.

Two Marks, standing on either side. Both of them begging with terrified eyes and rushed voices, “Shoot him! Shoot him now, please!”

A gun, deadly cold and unbearably heavy is in your shaking grip. You frantically look back and forth between them, unable to hold back tears pouring down your face, trying to make the right decision. You close your eyes. You aim.

Time slows to a crawl. The crack of the gunshot...the pained wheezing of one of the Marks...your eyes slowly opening...

Mark runs up to you, hugging you close, assuring you gently, “You made the right call. Come here, it’s ok. It’s ok.”

You barely let him go for a long time, refusing to even release his hand as the two of you slowly made your way towards a little ice cream parlor on the corner. You had apologized over and over again, but he wouldn’t hear it. He let you cry into his chest, slowly stroking your hair to calm you, “It’s ok. We’re here now.”

He was so kind, so gentle and warm. He was Mark, thank God.

You sat down at the outside table and buried your face in your hands while he ordered your ice cream. You took deep breaths, holding back the urge to cry again. When he returns and accidentally bumps into the table, you jump, just holding back a scream. He takes your hands, assuring you once more, “It’s going to be all right. Just relax.”

He smiles and sits down, “We’ll just enjoy some nice, dairy-based treats. And get to know each other; really, personally,” he indicates to the bowl in front of you, “Go ahead.”

You take a long look at him, his smiling eyes and kind demeanor. You return the smile, looking down at your bowl and feeling a kind of childish excitement spring up. You did always love chocolate.

The world goes silent. Your vision turns to hazy gray, tinted red and blue. Your heart drops into the pit of your stomach. You trace your gaze upwards to look into the evil grin of Darkiplier, “Oops...” he offers sardonically, “looks like you made the wrong choice,” his grin stretches into a crazed toothy smile, “But now we’re going to be together...forever.”

Another box, much like the ones he had presented before appeared on the table, this time with the phrase: Try Again? written across the top. Relief washes over you. It doesn’t have to end like this! You can fix everything! You hastily reach for the box to tear off the lid only to have it faze through your hand, your desperate touch never finding it to be real. in your hands. Dark’s cold hand finally grabs yours, squeezing it possessively.

He whispers, and you hear it echo in your mind.

”No more choices.”

[yahooben]

'Mass Effect: Andromeda' review: A sprawling space drama that struggles to stay on target

‘Mass Effect: Andromeda’ invites you to strap in for another space opera.

“Space is big,” beloved author and interdimensional traveler Douglass Adams noted in his seminal towel-seller, “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.” “You just won’t believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big,” he wrote, hammering home the point that when it comes to bigness, even our new president has nothing on the universe.

That size presents quite a challenge to game makers, but few have hacked away at the quandary with as much gusto as developer Bioware. The team behind the blockbuster “Mass Effect” trilogy managed to capture the epic scope of the big unknown while keeping our eyes trained on the intimate interactions between characters, a space opera in its truest — and, in terms of video games, among its best — form. So when they announced a return to their beautifully realized universe with “Mass Effect: Andromeda” ($60 for Xbox One, PS4, PC), we all got very excited indeed.

But a great deal has happened since 2012’s “Mass Effect 3” simultaneously wowed and enraged gamers; namely, “The Witcher 3,” “Fallout 4,” Bioware’s own “Dragon Age: Inquisition” and a host of other genre-blending RPGs (you could arguably toss recent greats “Horizon: Zero Dawn” and “The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild” into that mix, too). Big-budget role-playing games have blossomed in the past five years.

‘Mass Effect: Andromeda’ has the makings of a great game, but misses the mark with a number of missteps.

And unfortunately, “Mass Effect: Andromeda” picked up some unwelcome visitors on its long journey to your gaming machine. Though it has some stellar moments, “Andromeda” tries to cram too many ideas into one package, turning its obsession with the bigness of space into a crutch for uncharacteristically shoddy workmanship.

The (next) final frontier

To answer your most obvious question: no, you do not need to have played the prior “Mass Effect” games to understand what the hell is happening here. “Andromeda” tells a self-contained story featuring entirely new characters, planets and star systems, though references to elements from the original trilogy (the Citadel, the Geth, Spectre, etc.) do occasionally pop up.

The game is set roughly 600 years after the events of the original trilogy. Just as things were heating up in the Milky Way (around the “Mass Effect 2” timeframe), several giant Ark ships were launched towards the faraway heart of the Andromeda galaxy. Snuggled in cryo beds and dreaming of a new life, the adventurous souls aboard these vessels were hoping to discover habitable new worlds and plant some flags.

‘Mass Effect: Andromeda’ sees you exploring the Andromeda galaxy for a new home. But – spoiler alert – things go very wrong.

Naturally, things go sideways. You play as either Scott or Sara Ryder, a twin thrust into the role of ‘Pathfinder’ and tasked with guiding a ragtag group of aliens in a quest to find a new home. It’s all pretty standard sci-fi stuff — a bite of “Star Trek,” a nibble of “Battlestar” — but Bioware crafts a well-told tale that rises above its derivative vibe to keep you, um, engaged throughout.

Mostly, that’s done though a tweaked version of the branching narrative structure Bioware is known for. Conversation options have expanded beyond the binary Paragon/Renegade of prior games, adding flexibility and giving you a bit more agency over your particular Ryder. Despite some nasty bad guys and extremely high stakes, it’s also significantly more lighthearted than the trilogy’s dour doomsday scenario. Regardless of how you play Ryder, he (or she) is quick to joke and seems intent on keeping the joy of discovery intact.

The dialogue system isn’t as thrilling as it used to be, however. Other franchises have taken the cue and built branching narratives with greater emotional value. “The Witcher 3,” “Life is Strange” — heck, the entire Telltale Games catalog (whose Season 1 of “The Walking Dead” bested “Mass Effect 3” in most 2012 Game of the Year Awards) have pushed the envelope of branching narrative design, making each choice feel impactful. Though your tone changes based on your responses in “Andromeda,” Ryder’s playful, at time snarky attitude takes some of the gravitas out of the decision-making. You rarely break a sweat.

‘Mass Effect: Andromeda’s’ dialogue system lacks the kind of gravitas that makes games like ‘The Witcher 3’ so addictive and powerful.

Still, developing relationships, opening/closing paths, trying to get busy with a blue lady — it’s all here, and thanks to an interesting story, likable characters and great voicework by both male and female Ryders, “Andromeda” does a convincing job of turning you into Captain Kirk.

A downright uncanny job, you might say.

Valley of the Dolls

Unless you’ve been avoiding the internet for the last week, you’ve likely caught wind that gamers are, to put it mildly, displeased with the “Andromeda’s” animations, particularly its facial close-ups. And, well, yeah, the facial animations aren’t great. The game doesn’t just glide over the uncanny valley, it builds a big space house and moves right in.

I typically don’t put too much stock in this; plenty of outstanding games are kind of ugly up close (I’m looking into your lifeless eyes, “Fallout 4”). What makes it so rough here is the amount of time you spend staring at close-ups. A good third of the game is spent chatting with people and developing relationships, but when they look like broken robots, it breaks the spell. About halfway through the game, my Ryder inexplicably developed two wicked lazy eyes that lasted for a good 10 hours.

‘Mass Effect: Andromeda’s’ human characters look like dead-eyed androids.

Perhaps the increased power of modern consoles/PCs (I played on PS4) is the culprit — as the theory goes, the closer you get to reality, the deeper the valley. But as ugly as it gets for humankind, the power leads to some amazing aliens. The brutish, dinosaur-like Krogans have never looked better, and jittery eyes and smooth skin give the amphibious Salerians incredible life. I relished every chance to chat with non-humans, both to bask in Bioware’s great work and as a respite from the mannequin onslaught.

This sort of uneven delivery extends to the rest of the game’s graphics. The art design is triumphant – Issac Asimov would commend the look and feel of the game’s colorful terrain, sweeping interstellar views and massive starships – but technical glitches abound. Flickering textures are common, load times are excessive and occasional pop-in mars the stunning planetside vistas. These sorts of glitches aren’t game-breaking, but they speak to a project struggling to bear its own weight.

Humans might not look good in ‘Mass Effect: Andromeda,’ but the aliens are gorgeous.

Galaxy quest

And make no mistake: “Andromeda’s” scope is massive.

Much of the game takes place on explorable planets that are significantly bigger than the regions found in “Dragon Age: Inquisition.” You can spend hours scouring the nooks and crannies of each location from the comfort of your Nomad rover. And as you find ways to make life more hospitable, the areas open up even further.  

‘Mass Effect: Andromeda’s’ worlds are vast and beautiful.

A star map gives you free reign to explore the Heleus cluster of the Andromeda galaxy. You can only land on and explore a handful of planets, but you rarely feel hemmed in, and the desire to build outposts pushes you to approach Andromeda like a real pioneer. It’s a good hook.

But this goal is quickly buried beneath a ridiculous number of less essential Things to Do. Some are classic “Mass Effect” – your shipmates have needs, and if you want to unlock their highest-level abilities or get them into bed (perv), you’ll need to attend to those — but you pick up other, seemingly unwanted side quests with alarming ease.

Checking in on an outpost? Be careful who you talk to, because apparently every single life form in the galaxy is incapable of handling their own business. Even if they don’t have a gigantic exclamation point on their head, they’ll probably ask you to shuttle something somewhere or look into a mild, pointless drama. And you’ll feel pressed to track down every one, because you never know which insignificant-sounding rabbit hole will yield some legit XP or loot.

‘Mass Effect: Andromeda’ piles on the quests like every other RPG, but organizes them poorly.

This is fairly common to RPGs, but “Andromeda’s” flood of quests is compounded by terrible quest tracking. A Journal ostensibly keeps tabs on them, but inexplicably lists them based on where you picked them up rather than where they are located in the world. It’s a crazy way to organize quests; land on a planet and you’ll have to either scour dots on the map or rummage through your Journal to figure out what, if anything, you’re supposed to do there.  

This alone drove me nuts. I may be a real-world organizational disaster (I am a writer, after all) but this is definitely a trait I don’t want to carry into my sci-fi power fantasy.

Laser tag

On the other hand, I did get to carry lots of guns. And this is one area where “Andromeda” really fixes something.

The game does a fine job of improving and even amping up “Mass Effect’s” combat. Jump jets and a handy dash make you far more maneuverable, which is a boon since you contend with enemies in open-world locations. Skills and proficiencies can totally alter the way you play. Focus on Combat to be a Rambo, invest in Biotics to be a Jedi, stick with Tech to hurl fire and ice, or spread the wealth and be a bit of each. Deep but approachable, the system serves as a solid backend for the on-the-field action.

If there’s one thing Bioware improved for ‘Mass Effect: Andromeda’ it’s the game’s combat.

I forgot exactly how shooty “Mass Effect” was, and once you get used to the fact that you’re not playing a game quite as refined as the “Halos” and “Horizons” it attempts to ape, it falls into a pleasant rhythm. Nice touches abound, like jumping and pausing in the air for a few seconds while aiming down your sights. Experimenting with different abilities is also a snap thanks to a handy respec option, quelling the FOMO that rules most games that force to to stick with one class. It’s flexible and fun.  Bioware upped their game here, for sure.

But it isn’t perfect. The wide-open universe only yields a handful of enemy types, and none of them are particularly exciting. You have little control over your two fellow squadmates, and the weak enemy A.I. means you never need to think strategically when deciding which companions to bring into battle. I mostly stuck with the Krogan warrior because he looks cool. A baffling “auto” cover system claims that you just need to move close to an object with your gun drawn to hide behind it, but it doesn’t work very well. It just ends up getting you shot a lot, even when you think you’re safe.

You want jump jets? You’ve got jump jets.

Systems overload

“Andromeda” just doesn’t know when to quit, layering on screen after screen and system after system to make even the simplest task, like equipping a hot new weapon, painstaking.

Find a gun? You’ll need to head back up to your ship or find a “forward station” to switch your loadout, because, well, who knows. Tiny, uniform iconography turns inventory management into a slog. You know the thrill of finding and ogling a gorgeous, exciting new rifle in “Destiny?” That ain’t here.

Scanning planets for resources takes forever due to pretty but infuriatingly slow pans and zooms. Tracking down a specific resource to, for instance, craft a new helmet, is a total crapshoot. Bioware’s focus on the big picture has left a surprising number of holes in its basic RPG foundation.

They even tossed in co-op multiplayer, because it’s 2017 and I think that’s required by law now. “Mass Effect 3” toyed with this and it returns largely unchanged, as you and some pals clear out waves of increasingly stubborn baddies. It’s got its own progression system and offers a decent break from the RPG slog, though considering the core game could take a good 80 hours to complete, I’m not sure anyone needs it.

So do they need “Mass Effect: Andromeda” at all? That’s a tough call. A cool game is buried beneath “Andromeda’s” issues. When the guns are on point and you’ve exploded a Biotic combo, or when the ramifications of some difficult choice made hours ago comes back to haunt you, “Mass Effect: Andromeda” scratches that old space itch. But getting past the technical gaffes and unfriendly interface requires a great deal of patience. Space is big, indeed, but it’s supposed to be fun, too.

Platform reviewed: PS4

What’s hot: Cool story; outpost settling is a good hook; improved maneuverability; deep combat options

What’s not: Technical issues; aggravating interface; seriously uncanny valley; quest quantity over quality; dated feel

More games coverage:

‘Middle-earth: Shadow of War’ lets you lead orcish armies — and destroy them

Nintendo Switch launch games: The must-haves, the maybes and the probably nots

‘For Honor’ review: You’ll need skill to survive this online fighter

‘Horizon: Zero Dawn’ Review: Combat and storytelling shine in spectacular sci-fi epic

The $450 Analogue Nt mini brings new life to old-school NES games

‘Resident Evil 7’ review: It’s a screaming good time

Ben Silverman is on Twitter at ben_silverman.

[rubiaryutheroyal]

Phoenix Wright: Proud Punster - Pt. 1

Why am I purposely going to ruin my favorite video game series with this garbage? Because I can!

If you’ve seen the “pt. 0″ post earlier, please don’t look for it. It’s gone. I killed it. Mwahaha. No, but sometimes posts via mobile glitch up and ruin it once viewed from my computer. Since I only meant it as a placeholder and reminder for myself - that I probably could have just posted privately, gosh - I decided to can it. Sorry.

(Meanwhile, if people want me to share trivia about Takumi’s old development history, though, I can do it on my main blog! ...only if I get asked or a reply about it. There’s a lot.)

Since case 1-1 is so short (and awkward), I’ll collect all the jokes I could muster from it here. Have a nice read and relive the memories!

The First Turnabout

(1) Phoenix: *pacing around the lobby reading a file* Victim’s name is Cindy Stone. Location, her apartment. Time of death, between 4:00 and 5:00 pm. Cause of death, blood loss from blunt trauma to the head. She was struck once…

Mia: Wright!

Phoenix: Oh, Chief!

Mia: Whew, looks like I made it on time. Good luck today! It’s your first trial. You’ll want to leave a good impression.

Phoenix: Y-yeah.

Mia: How are you doing now?

Phoenix: O-oh, you know me… I’m always all Wright!

Mia: …

Phoenix: I-I’m sorry, Chief. It let it slip again, didn’t I?

Mia: Take care, Wright. The last thing we need is for the judge’s mood to be ruined by a bad pun.

Phoenix: I-I know, but I’m nervous as heck! It hasn’t been this bad since I had a class trial back in elementary…

Mia: Well, that was then and this is now. Don’t let it get to you after all this time.

Phoenix: Right…

(2) Larry: Oh, it’s all over! My life, everything, it’s all overrr!!

Phoenix: H-hey, Larry! What’s wrong now!?

Larry: Oh, Nick, I’m not long for this world…

Phoenix: Uh, you don’t look sick.

Larry: But I am! I’m feeling feverish, my hands are shaking, and my heart… My heart! It’s so empty…

Phoenix: …You mean your girlfriend, huh?

Larry: Ohh, Cindy… If only I could turn back the clock to save you…

Phoenix: Aw, it’s not all bad, Larry. You still have me, who believes in you.

Larry: Look, man. I know you’re just trying to make me feel better, but forget it. I’m a hopeless idiot who can’t get a date and when I finally do, I lose her for good. What else do I have to redeem…?

Phoenix: W-well… I may not be able to save your girlfriend anymore, but I at least can save you.

Larry: Nick…

Phoenix: Besides, there’s no way I’d leave my best friends hanging. Trust me. You’re in the Wright hands now!

Larry: …

Phoenix: …Uh, Larry?

Larry: …I think I see the light already…

Phoenix: H-hey! Don’t go there! It wasn’t that bad, was it!?

(3) Judge: Court is now in session for the trial of Mr. Larry Butz.

Payne: The prosecution is ready, Your Honor.

Phoenix: The de… um, defense is ready, Your Honor.

Judge: …Mr. Wright?

Phoenix: Y-yes, Your Honor?

Judge: This is your first trial, is it not?

Phoenix: Yes, it is. I’m uh… a little nervous, is all.

Judge: Hmm. Your behavior today will determine the fate of your client. Murder is a serious charge. I hope for both your sakes that you can control your nerves.

Phoenix: Y-yes, of course… Um, but if all goes well…

Judge: Yes?

Phoenix: M-maybe I can stay for the full subscription?

*the entire court goes still*

Payne: Hee hee. It looks like they’re doomed from the start.

Mia: Wright! I warned you about this already!

Phoenix: S-sorry, Chief! I just blabbed out the first thing that popped in mind…

Mia: Can’t you put in a little more restraint…?

Judge: …Mr. Wright.

Phoenix: Y-yes, Your Honor? (Uh-oh. Here comes the penalty.)

Judge: I wasn’t aware we had a subscription service for the viewing of these trials. Where do you go to sign up?

*another still silence*

Payne: Um, Your Honor, we don’t. It’s just a silly joke made by that rookie lawyer.

Judge: Ah, that explains it. For a moment there, I thought I was missing out on a great deal. Each one of these trials is an expensive venture, after all.

Phoenix: (You RUN these trials, Your Honor! Why would you subscribe to something you see in person!?)

Mia: …Well, at least we caught a lucky break with this judge.

Phoenix: (I didn’t even know there was someone who’d take my puns literally… Maybe we could use this to our advantage?)

Mia: Wright, if I were you, I’d be careful with those puns. They can still be potent.

Phoenix: Yes, Chief.

(4) Payne: Mr. Sahwit, you go door-to-door selling newspaper subscriptions, do you not?

Sahwit: Oh, yes! Yes, that is correct.

Payne: Please testify to what you saw on the day of the crime.

Phoenix: *visibly shaking* …Must… resist…

Mia: Wright? Are you alright?

Phoenix: Chief… his name… the puns…!

Mia: Just try your best to keep it in.

Phoenix: *desk slam* (Well, Mr. “Saw It”, I challenge you to be frank about what you actually saw! Larry didn’t do it!)

Mia: Please try harder.

Phoenix: Y-yes, Chief.

(5) Phoenix: OBJECTION! Witness, the murder weapon wasn’t a clock. It was this statue! Unlike a clock, it only has one hand on its face!

Payne: OBJECTION! Actually, the witness is correct. This statue is indeed a clock.

Phoenix: W-what?

Payne: Its head is a switch. You just tilt it and it says the time aloud. I didn’t bring it up earlier because I thought it to be a trivial detail.

Judge: Oh, I see. Well, Mr. Wright?

Phoenix: (…This ornamental statue is a clock? Then, that means… It’s an ‘okidokei’!)

Mia: …? Wright, what are you getting so giddy about?

Phoenix: Er, ahem. I-it’s nothing, Chief! (Dang it, Larry. You had that joke just sitting around, didn’t you…?)

[T/N: ornament – ‘okimono’; clock – ‘tokei’. ‘okidokei’ is a clock that is sits out as décor. Also, the verb ‘oku’ from the same ‘oki’ means ‘to be left out in the open’; hence why it was found on the floor.]

(6) Judge: Will the witness elaborate? Did you strike the victim with the clock?

Sahwit: I… I never…! Th-that day… I heard, no, I saw… saw… nggh!

*toupee fling*

Phoenix: *blat*

Sahwit: Shutupshutupshutup! That doesn’t matter! I-it was him, I tell you! I saw him! H-he killed her and he should burn! Give him death!

Judge: O-order! Order in the court!

Payne: Y-your Honor, a moment please! There’s not a shred of evidence supporting the defense’s claims!

Phoenix: What? He threw his hair at me! If that’s not trying to get out of a hairy situation, then I don’t know what it is!

Judge: Mr. Wright!

Phoenix: Your Honor?

Judge: Please, no more jokes, especially at this late hour.

Phoenix: M-my apologies, Your Honor.

(7) Phoenix: The clock wasn't three hours slow, it was nine hours fast! The victim hadn't reset her clock since returning home! That's why the time you heard when you struck her was wrong! Proof enough for you, Mr. Sahwit? Or should I say... Mr. Did It!

Sahwit: Ngh…!

*flop*

Judge: O-order! Order, I say!

Phoenix: *beam* (Now that’s what I call a hard punish!)

Mia: …How long are you going to pump your ego over yet another pun?

Phoenix: Chief, I won the case. Can’t you at least seem a bit happier for me…?

(8) Mia: Wright, nicely done! Congratulations!

Phoenix: Heh. Thanks, Chief. But I owe it all to you.

Mia: Not at all! You fought your own battles in there. It's been a while since I've seen a trial end on such satisfying note!

Phoenix: R-really? Even with all the puns I made?

Mia: I said it ended on a satisfying note.

Phoenix: R-right…

Mia: Still, I have to admit that as you went along, they started to get less annoying. I even had my share of smiles.

Phoenix: *grin* O-oh, thanks… (I don’t believe it. She actually liked them!?)

Larry: …My life is over.

Phoenix: What? Larry! You're supposed to be happy! What's wrong now!?

Larry: Aw, Nick… I told you. I’m still a dead man walking…

Phoenix: But you’re innocent! The case is closed.

Larry: …That still won’t bring her back.

Phoenix: (Oh, Larry…)

Mia: Congratulations, Harry!

Larry: H-Harry?

Mia: Yes, you! I can practically see the headlines now: “Harry Butz, Innocent!”

Larry: Heh... um... thanks! I really owe you one. I won't forget this, ever! Let's celebrate! Dinner? Movie? My treat!

Mia: Oh, no, I couldn't.

Phoenix: (Hey, I was the one who got you off the hook! And why is it that when Mia makes a pun, you don’t feel like rolling over!?)

(9) Mia: Well, I think our work here is done! Shall we be off?

Phoenix: Yeah, I guess so!

Mia: Say, how about dinner. On me? We'll drink a toast to innocent Butz!

Phoenix: Yeah! (…Did you really have to put it that way?)

Mia: Oh, speaking of Harry… You were saying part of why you became a lawyer was because of him.

Phoenix: Er, yeah. Part, at least.

Mia: You'll have to tell me more about it sometime! Maybe… over drinks?

Phoenix: Oh, sure… Um, I didn’t realize you were such a fan of drinking, Chief.

Mia: I can take a few shots from time to time. It might also get my mind off of a few things.

Phoenix: ? Like what?

Mia: Don’t worry about it. You’ve done plenty enough already.

Phoenix: …This isn’t about the puns, is it, Chief?

Mia: Well, you’ve had plenty enough of those too, but it’s not nearly as bad as what I’m talking about.

Phoenix: …?

[uta-no-knb]

FNAF 2 "Scariest Game Ever Made!" ~ (Akashi x Reader)

Part 2 of the Five Nights at Freddy's game. This time, the victim is...Akashi! Reason why will be explained at the end.

Note: Title is owned by Markiplier (all titles in the FNAF saga will be titles from his videos).

It was one of those rare moments in Akashi Seijuro's life; for once, he doesn't have to do any work in regards to his father's business. He walked into his room and sprawled out onto his bed. This was also a rare opportunity in his life; he was actually able to take a nap. Closing his eyes, he let out a sigh of relief as he started to slowly drift off into a slumber.

Yet, he couldn't help but get the feeling that this opportunity was to good to be true. Pushing that thought out of his mind, the red-head closed his eyes, slowly drifting off into a light slumber.

"Akashi!" You exclaimed, barging into your boyfriend's bedroom.

The red-head opened his eyes in shock, as he got up and sat normally on his bed.

....It was indeed to good to be true.

He looked up at you, his red eyes narrowing. "(Y/N). Was that really necessary?"

"I'm sorry Sei-chan. I just got excited and -"

"What if I had been changing?" he asked. A smirk appeared on his face as he saw your reaction; your face was bright red.

"N-not the point," you stuttered, turning your head away from him.

He chuckled. "What were you excited about, my empress?" he asked, motioning for you to come and sit next to him.

With a skip in your step, you plopped yourself down next to him. "Well, I want to play a game with you."

"You finally want to play Shogi?" he asked, excitement appearing in his voice.

"The day that happens, pigs will fly," you replied, rolling your eyes.

"Then does this game involve your laptop?" he asked, as you nodded excitedly. He sighed. "What is this game?"

At this point, you had hopped off the bed and were sitting on the floor, booting up your laptop. "A horror game," you said with a smile.

"....Which is?"

"Five Nights at Freddy's. " you said with a huge grin on your face.

Akashi's eyes widened a bit in surprise (you didn't notice because you aren't observant on reading people's body language). "No," the emperor said, lying back down on his bed. "You interrupted my nap so I could play a silly game like that with you?"

"B-but Sei-chan," you whimpered, only to be silenced.

"I said no, (Y/N). If you want to play a game, it should be one that stimulates your brain, not rot it."

"It's a strategic game," you pouted, looking into his red eyes. "You need to have patience and-" You paused when you realized something; something that could be used to your advantage.

"It's okay, Sei-chan. We don't have to play," you started, closing your laptop. "I mean, I'll just call Lola to let her know that she won the bet."

"Bet?" he asked, sitting back up again. "What kind of mischief are you and your best friend up to now?"

"Nothing major....yet," you replied, with a sheepish grin on her face. "We made a bet to see whether or not you would play the game because you were scared."

"I'm not scared of anything, (Y/N)," he replied, getting on the floor with her and opening up her laptop once again.

"Everyone's scared of something."

"The only thing that I am scared of is losing you to someone else," he said, taking his eyes off the screen and looking into your (e/c) eyes.

You smiled and kissed his forehead as you headed towards the door to turn off the lights.

"....Why are we playing in the dark?"

"I want to see you get scared."

The red-head chuckled. "Silly (Y/N)," he said, wrapping his arms around you so you were sitting in front of him.

The start-up screen turned on, revealing Bonnie, Chica and Freddy in their creepy states.

"What in the world? (Y/N), what kind of game is this?"

"You'll see," you said as you got out of his lap and resumed your place next to him. "

"These things-is this the second game? Wouldn't it make sense for me to play the first?"

"The first is too easy for you, Seijuro. I wanted to give you a challenge." You paused for a brief moment as Akashi moved the mouse cursor over the new game button. "Would you like a brief summary before you start?"

"Enlighten me," he replied, looking at you.

"You are the new nighttime security guard at the new and improved Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. Your job is to monitor cameras and make sure nothing goes wrong after-hours. The previous guard has complained about "conditions"; namely, the characters trying to get into The Office(he has since been moved to day-shift). So to make your job easier, you've been provided with your very own empty Freddy Fazbear head, which should fool the animatronic characters into leaving you alone if they should accidentally enter your office." (1)

"...This game sounds-"

"Regardless," you said, cutting off the emperor "You sure you want to play this game, Sei-chan?"

"(Y/N), I'm playing. I will show you that nothing, and I mean nothing scares me. After all, I'm-"

"I know, 'you're absolute'.

The red-head smiled and turned his attention to the computer. "I'm not afraid of any bear."

Sei-chan, you have no idea what's in store for you

Night 1 12 AM

"Uh, hello and welcome to your new summer job at the new and improved Freddy Fazbear's Pizza," the guy on the voice recording said.

"Who is that?"

"No one knows," you chuckled.

Uh, I'm here to talk you through some of the things you can expect to see during your first week here and to help you get started down this new and exciting career path. Uh, now, I want you to forget anything you may have heard about the old location, you know. Uh, some people still have a somewhat negative impression of the company. Uh... that old restaurant was kind of left to rot for quite a while, but I want to reassure you, Fazbear Entertainment is committed to family fun and above all, safety. They've spent a small fortune on these new animatronics, uh, facial recognition, advanced mobility, they even let them walk around during the day. Isn't that neat? But most importantly, they're all tied into some kind of criminal database, so they can detect a predator a mile away. Heck, we should be paying them to guard you. Uh, now that being said, no new system's without its... kinks. Uh... you're only the second guard to work at that location. Uh, the first guy finished his week, but complained about... conditions. Uh, we switched him over to the day shift."

"Complaints? Why would I want to work somewhere that has complaints-"

You face-palmed, as the voice continued.

So hey, lucky you, right? Uh mainly he expressed concern that certain characters seemed to move around at night, and even attempted to get into his office. Now, from what we know, that should be impossible. Uh, that restaurant should be the safest place on earth. So while our engineers don't really have an explanation for this, the working theory is that... the robots were never given a proper "night mode". So when it gets quiet, they think they're in the wrong room, so then they go try to find where the people are, and in this case, that's your office.

"Ok so the animatronics come to life?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"So our temporary solution is this: there's a music box over by the Prize Counter, and it's rigged to be wound up remotely. So just, every once in a while, switch over to the Prize Counter video feed and wind it up for a few seconds. It doesn't seem to affect all of the animatronics, but it does affect... one of them."

"Wait, so that music box can only be used for one of the creatures?"

"Seijuro. Shush and listen to the man!" you exclaimed.

"Uh, and as for the rest of them, we have an even easier solution. You see, there may be a minor glitch in the system, something about robots seeing you as an endoskeleton without his costume on, and wanting to stuff you in a suit, so hey, we've given you an empty Freddy Fazbear head, problem solved! You can put it on anytime, and leave it on for as long as you want. Eventually anything that wandered in, will wander back out. Uh, something else worth mentioning is kind of the modern design of the building. You may have noticed there are no doors for you to close, heh. But hey, you have a light! And even though your flashlight can run out of power, the building cannot. So, don't worry about the place going dark. Well, I think that's it. Uh, you should be golden. Uh, check the lights, put on the Freddy head if you need to, uh, keep the music box wound up, piece of cake. Have a good night, and I'll talk to you tomorrow."

The call ended and you knew that the game has begun. ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Night 1 3 AM

Akashi was currently looking through the cameras, eventually landing on the room where Bonnie, Chica and Freddy are.

"...(Y/N), did one of them move?" he asked.

"Yup. Now you have to go around and try to find him."

"How do you know it's a boy?" he asked, as he panned over to party room three, where Bonnie was currently "hiding"; being accompanied by a guitar.

"I have my ways," you said.

"Lola?

"Shut up and play," you exclaimed as he chuckled.

The red-head turned his attention back to the game and moved the mouse over Party Room 4, only to jump slightly.

"What the hell is that?"

You laughed as you looked to the screen; Bonnie had chosen to appear in the party room, very close to the camera.

"That's Bonnie!" you exclaimed. "Did she scare ya?"

"No," he said, turning his attention back towards the security cameras.

Night 1

5 a.m.

Akashi continued to search the different rooms, and that was when you noticed one of the other animatronics was now on the loose.

Should I tell him? you asked yourself. I feel like I should, since that's what a good girlfriend who has played this game before should do. BUUUUUT, I'm not like other girls, so I don't think I will.

Turning your attention back to the screen, you saw that Bonnie was currently hiding in the right air vent. However, Akashi kept looking back at the cameras, not noticing that one of the other animatronics was out.

"Okay, I think I'm safe from that bunny," he said, as he went to the Party Cave to wind up the music box.

The moment he took the mouse off of the security cameras....

"What the hell?!" Akashi yelled, as he shoved the laptop off of his legs and scrambled backwards. "What the hell was that?! What jumped out at me?!"

You on the other hand were too busy rolling on the floor, laughing.

"(Y/N)," he started. "What. Was. That?"

"That..that was Chica," you said in between laughs. "One of the other animatronics."

"I swear I checked all of the rooms-and they were all accounted for," he mumbled, watching the screen return to the main menu.

"I told you. You need to have patience with these games, not to mention a strategy-"

"How was I supposed to know there were all sorts of things I had to look out for?"

"...If you weren't so busy talking while the phone call was going on, you would've heard the suggestions," you deadpanned. You then noticed that he had clicked on the "Continue" button. "You're going to play again?"

"...I'm not letting some damn chicken beat me," he said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next Day

You woke up in the Akashi mansion; since your boyfriend had your laptop, and you value your laptop as if it were your child, you wouldn't leave without it. Yawning, you got out of the bed in the guest room and headed over to his room.

I hope he slept last night, you thought as you opened the door to his room.

The moment the door opened, you didn't see him; his bed was perfectly made. Thinking that he might've gone out already, you turned to leave, only to stop at the sound of a mouse clicking. Walking over to the side of the bed, you sighed.

"Sei-chan! Did you sleep?!"

"No time for sleep," he said, in a low voice as he gazed intensly at the screen in front of him. "Must. Defeat. Bon-Bon." (2)

Bon-Bon?  You said to yourself. He's sounding a lot like Markiplier.

With a sigh, you sat next to him. The one thing about your boyfriend that irked you a bit was that he was stubborn; the moment he has a goal in mind or his mind set to something, he will not stop until he beats it.

"Sei-chan. You need to sleep-"

"When the game is over, (Y/N)," he said, in an almost robotic tone.

With a sigh, you left the room and made a phone call.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Ring! Ring)

"What's up slut!" a voice said from the other line.

You couldn't help but chuckle. Ever since you introduced her to a parody of the anime "Free!" called "50% Off", Lola would greet you with Thuggisa's catch phrase. (3.)

"Morning."

"Did you play?" She asked, her voice getting excited.

"We did. However," your voice trailed off, recalling what you had just walked in on a few minutes ago. "Seijuro didn't sleep at all last night. He-"

"I knew it! I win the bet!" she exclaimed. "Pay me-"

"Listen," you said, your voice getting serious. "He didn't sleep because he was playing the game all night."

There was a pause on the other line. "....Seriously?"

"Yup. I walked in on him this morning and he was still playing."

"What night is he on?"

".....would you believe me if I said he was still on night one?"

There was laughter on the other line. "Night one?! Priceless! That should be the easiest-"

"Apparently not for him. He-" You were cut off by a loud yell and the sound of glass breaking. "Gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow!" you said, hanging up and running back into the room.

"Sei-chan, what happened?" you asked frantically. You turned on the lights and the worried look on your face went away. You saw the red-head lying face down on his bed. "Sei?"

"I've been defeated," you heard him mumble as you walked closer to him. "I lost to a stupid bear."

You sat next to him and began to rub his back. "It's okay Seijuro," you said. "The second game is hard."

"There were too many things that I had to do! How are you supposed to do it?!"

"Patience is whats needed in these games-"

"There are more?" he asked, raising his head off of the bed.

You nodded. "Yup. The final game just came out a few weeks ago."

Akashi groaned. "Promise me we'll never play that game again, (Y/N)."

"...Don't be moody because you, the absolute Akashi lost-"

"...Never speak of this," he said, both of his red eyes narrowing.

You chuckled. "I won't," you said with a smile, as you bent down and quickly kissed his lips.

He looked at you with a smile. "Good. Now come join me."

You chuckled and you joined the red-head on the bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OMAKE

"Why are your scissors in my laptop screen?!" you exclaimed, looking at your boyfriend.

There, on your laptop, were your boyfriend's signature red scissors, sticking out of the screen.

".....Bon-Bon jumped at me and I threw it at him."

"You're buying me a new laptop," you said with a sigh. "Go to sleep."

As Akashi brought you into his embrace, you snuggled into his chest and closed your eyes.

I'm never bringing my laptop over here again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Omake 2

A few hours later, you woke up once again and stretched. Looking over to your right, you expected to see your boyfriend sleeping next to you, only to find the bed empty. You then looked to the left. Akashi was sitting at his desk, doing work. A smile appeared on your lips as you went to lie down; however you paused and jolted back up. There was a screen in front of him and you heard the sound of clicking and rumbling.

"AKASHI SEIJURO! GET OFF OF THAT GAME!"

Incorrect Quote of the Scenario

Hanamiya: You're Furihata Kouki, correct? Furihata: Y-yes! What is it? Hanamiya: You should play Five Nights at Freddy's! I've heard it's really fun! It doesn't have jumpscares, extremely dimly lit rooms, or even animatronic dolls! Furihata: R-really? O-okay...

~Via @incorrectknb​

~~~~~~~ FOOTNOTES

(1) Info taken from the "Five Nights at Freddy's" Wiki Page

(2) "Bon-Bon" was said by Markiplier

(3) "50% Off/Thuggisa" ~ Octopimp

[gokinjeespot]

off the rack #1202

Monday, February 26, 2018

 Way to go all the Canadian athletes that competed in the 2018 Winter Olympics. You made us proud. Now we get ready for some March Madness. It might seem like I'm a big sports fan but I'm not. It's just that it's less annoying than a lot of the stuff happening around the world these days. Sure I was sad when the Canadian Women's curling team skipped by Ottawa's Rachel Homan didn't make it to the medal rounds and the Canadian Women's hockey team lost the gold medal game in a shoot-out but I didn't get angry and upset. No one was killed by some idiot.

 Archie #28 - Mark Waid & Ian Flynn (writers) Audrey Mok (art) Kelly Fitzpatrick (colours) Jack Morelli (letters). I only keep reading this book because Betty is in it. I don't like the walking disaster area that is Archie. Nor the smug Jughead. I really hate that big fat jerk Reggie who should be someone's plaything in prison. The fact that I feel so strongly about these characters means that the creators are putting out a very good comic book but I would stop reading if there weren't any likable characters. Classic Catch 22.

 Doctor Strange: Damnation #1 - Nick Spencer & Donny Cates (writers) Rod Reis (art & colours) VC's Travis Lanham (letters). Stephen may not be Sorcerer Supreme anymore but he's still pretty powerful. Remember how Las Vegas was destroyed during a recent mega crossover? Well now the whole city plus its citizens is back on terra firma. Guess where it's been before being resurrected? Hey, they don't call it Sun City for donuts. There's a glitch in Doc Strange restoring all those lives and landmarks and that's where this 4-issue mini takes off. This is a high stakes game between the Doc and Mephisto and the players will be familiar to Marvel Zombies far and wide. Doc's team is on the cover but you'll have to read this first issue to see who's playing for Mephisto.

 The Brave and the Bold #1 - Liam Sharp (writer & art) Romulo Fajardo Jr. (colours) A Larger World's Troy Peteri (letters). DC's old team-up title is back on the racks with a murder mystery featuring Batman and Wonder Woman. There's a strong fantasy element since the murder takes place in Tir Na Nog, the mystical land of faerie. Liam Sharp drew me back into reading Wonder Woman when he did the Cheetah story and here he gets to go all Irish myths for us with runes and rugged faeriescapes. I like a murder mystery as well as the next Batfan but the profuse flowery prose turned me off. It's a tough decision whether I read the rest of this 6-issue story because I really love the art.

 Mata Hari #1 - Emma Beeby (writer) Ariela Kristantina (art) Pat Masioni (colours) Sal Cipriano (letters). This 5-issue mini comes from Dark Horse's Berger Books imprint. I'm glad Karen is still editing comic books. I met her at a DC Retailer's conference over twenty years ago. I was lucky enough to share a group dinner table with her at a steak house in Fort Worth, Texas. I can still remember how happy I was when I asked if I could order a second steak dinner after the first one failed to fill me up and she gave me the go ahead. She thought I had a hollow leg. This book is beautifully drawn but I found the storytelling a little confusing with it's jumping back and forth in time to show us how the lady spy ended up in her current situation. Mata Hari is a very compelling historical figure so I will keep reading this to learn more about her life and death.

 Infinity Countdown Prime #1 - Gerry Duggan (writer) Mike Deodato Jr. (art) Frank Martin (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). Flip the cover and you get an info page quickly telling you about the 6 Infinity Stones and what powers they bestow to whoever possesses them. The story starts promisingly enough with the guy who is the best at what he does fighting off some bad guys and then the new Sorcerer Supreme, for the Infinity Stone that he has. Unfortunately the story deteriorated for me when it came to introducing the other stones. It got way too convoluted what with other dimensions involved and what looks like every dang super hero and super villain to ever exist thrown in. I think I have mega event fatigue. Keeping up with the weekly Avengers: No Surrender story with all those heroes and villains to keep straight makes trying to follow this massive story harder to do. I hope nobody dies.

 Batman: Sins of the Father #1 - Christos Gage (writer) Raffaele Ienco (art) Guy Major (colours) Josh Reed (letters). This 6-issue mini is based on the Batman: The Telltale Series video game with a different back-story than the Batman that we are all familiar with. This Batman's father, Thomas Wayne, was a villain who experimented on people. Bruce is trying to right that wrong and save Wayne Enterprises. You can expect lots of action and the first protagonist is easily recognised. I was super impressed with the art here. Kind of reminded me of Frank Quitely. If the rest of this story looks this good it will be a joy to read.

 Hit-Girl #1 - Mark Millar (writer) Ricardo Lopez Ortiz (art) Sunny Gho (colours) Melina Mikulic (letters). Hot on the heels of the new Kick-Ass book is this 4-issue mini featuring Dave's old partner Mindy. She's looking for a new partner and who she picks is a real winner. This story goes international as the purple-haired perp pulveriser goes to Colombia to deal with the gangs there. I want to see if her new sidekick survives.

 Avengers #681 - Al Ewing, Jim Zub & Mark Waid (writers) Kim Jacinto with Mike Perkins (art) David Curiel (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). No Surrender part 7. It's Kree Captain Glah-Ree's turn to narrate an issue as his Lethal Legion team fights the Falcon's Avengers team for the prize. Some surprise characters pop up right at the end that will make fans clamour for the next issue. Mike Perkins's pages were only subtly different from the rest of the art and that surprised me too.

 Batman #41 - Tom King (writer) Mikel Janin (art) June Chung (colours) Clayton Cowles (letters). Everyone Loves Ivy part 1. I was naïve to think that Joelle Jones was the best artist for this book because there are lots of artists that I love out there. Mikel Janin made me gasp after I flipped open the cover and saw the first page. Page 10 made me sigh. His Poison Ivy will haunt your dreams. The Cat and the Bat face a daunting challenge in this new story. This is a great issue to start to find out why I've been raving about this title every issue.

 Moonshine #7 - Brian Azzarello (writer) Eduardo Risso (art & colours) Cristian Rossi (colour assistant) Jared K. Fletcher (letters). Boy was I surprised when this issue hit the racks. I thought #6 finished the story of Lou Pirlo, mob enforcer. Plus, it's been almost a year since #6 came out. This supernatural tale continues with the location changing from the hillbilly hills to New Orleans. I'm thinking some voodoo be due.

 Superman #41 - James Robinson (writer) Ed Benes (art) Dinei Ribeiro (colours) Rob Leigh (letters). The Last Days part 2. I was tolerating this story about Superman and a native scientist trying to save a planet from a Jonestown massacre until the science guy explains how he's going to save his species. He sure didn't take any genetics classes. I do not suffer foolish science gladly. The good news is that this story is over and Jon learns a lesson in tolerance.

 Defenders #10 - Brian Michael Bendis (writer) David Marquez (art) Justin Ponsor (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). Ah Jessica, Luke, Danny and Matt, we hardly got to know you. I don't know if this team book will continue after this but it won't be the same. This sure looks like Brian Michael Bendis's last issue. David Marquez  made me sigh on page 11 panel 5. I'm glad Felicia is okay.

 Incredible Hulk #713 - Greg Pak (writer) Greg Land (pencils) Jay Leisten (inks) Frank D'Armata (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). Return to Planet Hulk part 5. Hulk faces off with the Warlord in the fifth and final gauntlet. The final page had me singing Chuck Berry's Maybellene in my head. Now that we've gone back to Sakaar it's time to revisit another old Hulk story. Get ready for World War Hulk II.

 Damage #2 - Tony S. Daniel & Robert Venditti (storytellers) Danny Miki (inks) Tomeu Morey (colours) Tom Napolitano (letters). I can't say that I am enamoured of the title character since he's just a one hour Hulk but the guest stars are worth the read. Here we have the Suicide Squad and next up is a real hero that I am certainly interested in.

 Amazing Spider-Man #796 - Dan Slott & Christos Gage (writers) Mike Hawthorne (pencils) Terry Pallot & Cam Smith (inks) Erick Arciniega (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). Threat Level: Red part 3. The art and writing this issue was very wooden to me. Kind of stiff and predictable. I don't like Peter and Mary Jane getting cozy again either. If it wasn't for what's happening to Norman Osborn I would consider benching this book.

 Super Sons #13 - Peter J. Tomasi (writer) Carlo Barberi (pencils) Art Thibert (inks) Gabriel Eltaeb (colours) Rob Leigh (letters). The Parent Trap part 1. Damian's mom, Talia al Ghul, needs his help for a hit and she's not going to take no for an answer. The boys find themselves in even more trouble when one of the targets is revealed. Robin and Superboy's friendship may not survive. As much as I love Carlo's art I wasn't happy that Talia looks more like Damian's slightly older sister than his mother.

 Astonishing X-Men #8 - Charles Soule (writer) Paulo Siqueira (pencils) Walden Wong & Roberto Poggi (inks) Edgar Delgado (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). A Man Called X part 2. Y'know, I don't think that the guy in Fantomex's body is Charles Xavier. He keeps saying trust me, I can fix this and then he screws things up royally. So, another comic book with amazing art. Psylocke made me sigh on page 3.

 Mighty Thor #704 - Jason Aaron (writer) Russell Dauterman (art) Matthew Wilson (colours) VC's Joe Sabino (letters). The Death of the Mighty Thor continues. Wow, I snagged a larger than usual pile of comic books off the rack to read last week and inadvertently saved the best 'til last. The writing and art was as powerful as can be. The build up to the last page made it a spine tingling experience. This story is going to be another highly recommended collection when it comes out in trade paperback.

[thelabyrinthoftime]

Six or seven weird “facts” about The Labyrinth of Time

I’ve had this subject kicking around in my head for a while. I thought about making a YouTube video out of it, but it seems sort of...

Brilliant! But pointless.

So I’ll dump it here, and yes, there will be spoilers:

1.) You don’t need your quarter(s) to win the game

The Labyrinth of Time is sometimes cruel to the player, or maybe the game itself wasn’t well thought out, but there are several things you can do in the game that will prohibit you from completing the game, but you won’t get a “GAME OVER” screen, or any other indication that you have to start over- you’ll be stuck, much like I was when I first played the game when I was 9 or 10, and I have to do a write up about that, later.

All your walk-throughs will tell you that you can fuck up the game by doing the following:

Head to the lower level of the Labyrinth without a lantern.

Get thrown in jail and not have a key to escape the cell

Use your quarters improperly

Number 3 is wrong. Technically.

In the original version of the game, released by Electronic Arts, you are given just one quarter. The “proper” way to use it is to first place the quarter into the pay phone across from the pay toilet. When you do this, 13 more quarters pop out. This allows you to use one quarter to open the door to the pay toilet and eventually find the solution to a tile puzzle that can be found earlier in the game. Another quarter is supposedly needed to use on the jukebox across the hall from the pay phone. Putting the quarter in causes a silver key to come out of the coin return, and this key is required to beat the game.

What makes the game “cruel” is that you encounter this jukebox right before the pay phone, and it can be tempting to put the quarter into the jukebox first. For the Wyrmkeep re-release, you start the game with two quarters, which I thought was kind of lame, but I kind of understand it.

HOWEVER, there is a glitch in the game that will allow you to take the key even though it’s not supposed to be “there” for the taking, and I’m surprised no one ever encountered it. NOT ONCE have I seen it discusses anywhere, and if you see something that talks about the quarters and the glitch, it’s probably something I made or wrote up.

In fact, you’ll probably also read that I was always under the impression that getting an unseen key from the jukebox was how the game was supposed to go. It certainly makes more sense that a key would be under or on top of the jukebox than inside the coin slot.

So that’s one quarter down.

Now for the tile puzzle. It never changes. Let’s see if I can recite it by memory:

7 2 9 10 1 11 5 13 8 15 14 12 3 4 6 [ ]

Once you have this written down or committed to memory, you never need to waste a quarter on the pay toilet ever again.

2.) You don’t need a helmet, either!

About a quarter (pun?) of the way into the game, you encounter a mountain road, which kind of reminds me of the windy mountain road at the beginning of The Shining, and there are bowling ball sized rocks tumbling from heaven. You can move forward to the next area, but it’s a one way trip. If you attempt to go back, the game will tell you that you decide your head is no match for those rocks.

Deeper into the Labyrinth, you can find a medieval helmet to wear, and the game will let you pass, saying “Good thing you wore head gear.”, which is sort of obnoxious because that helmet looks about as thick as tin foil, but this game is obnoxious, so it’s okay.

Alternatively, if you go through the game out of sequence- meaning you solved the tile puzzle before “you” had the solution, you can get access to a bunch of other things, including a pith helmet. That works as well.

Occasionally, I’d play this game and I’d get the “Good thing you wore head gear” message going through the mountain road the first time without having picked up, let alone used a helmet. The first time I got this glitch was the first time I played the Wyrmkeep version, and I thought there might have been a problem with the re-release, but it didn’t always happen, and then I worried that I scratched my game disc in such a way that this glitch appeared, but this happens in both versions, I later found out.

The glitch was being caused by what ALL the walk-throughs claimed was a useless item: The whiskey bottle, and I’m not entirely sure it was unintentional. Attempting to use the bottle will cause the game to tell you that you feel more cheerful, but less intelligent. It also allows you to pass through the mountain road as much as you’d like without a helmet, and the rocks never hit you.

It’s a little too on the nose for me to think it was purely an accident. It’s perfectly logical, at least as far as this game’s logic goes. Booze lowers your inhibitions, and it was those same inhibitions that prohibit you from backtracking without protection.

3.) There are (unused) museum entries for the alien belt and device with the three levers

I’m certain it’s the webmaster of the Obscuritory that dug around in the disc data and discovered some unused text for the museum. All the other exhibits have a little computer terminal next to them that will give you information about the artifact in question, but there are no terminals for those other objects. Still, text was created for these objects:

ALIEN BELT This unusual object was discovered floating in Earth orbit during construction of the Space Station.  Research into its past has proved inconclusive. New Worlds Development (a division of Terra Nova Development) acquired this exhibit after keeping it in the company's Lost and Found department for twelve years.

&

ALIEN CONSOLE The origins and purpose of this machine are completely unknown.  It was discovered during the early stages of terraforming at the NWD Mars project.  PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH THIS DISPLAY.  We have no idea what it does when activated.

Source: The Cutting Room Floor

4.) Is there a significance to this teapot?

It would have been obscure enough of a fact to say “the paintings hanging up in Room 14 are pieces of computer art that the game’s artist did in the 1980s”, since this is an extremely obscure game, but I want to take it further, and this is where it stops being strictly about trivia facts, all the more reason I didn’t make a video out of this stuff.

The images in TLOT are made up of ray traced three dimensional objects. At one point, it’s very likely all the objects in the game were saved as 3D files which could be pulled up and looked at from any angle.

The teapot is another one of those objects that have no in-game purpose, but I’ve wondered if this could be one of the earliest 3D objects designed for the game. I’ve learned that when artists learn how to make 3D objects, one of the first objects they make is a teapot, largely because of all the shapes and contours and that these unusual surfaces have a way of throwing light around- that sort of stuff. A teapot can be seen in the first 3D fractal animation, “Vol Libre”, an animation that was so warmly received, the artist, Loren Carpenter, was immediately invited to work at what would eventually become Pixar. 

His groundbreaking animation technique was refined and used to create the still to this day mind blowing “Genesis Effect Demo Video” from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.

Some of the mountains in the background of some of the Labyrinth’s various scenes look a lot like the mountains in this video. I wonder if BWS used a similar technique to render them.

Edit: I’ve since learned these special teapots have a name: Utah Teapot

5.) There is (...was) an actual Doyle’s Bar and Grill

It’s a generic enough name that it had to be around somewhere. A google search says there’s such a place in Easton, MA, although it appears to have changed it’s name to “Tommy Doyle’s Pub and Grill”... yes, I just confirmed it now. Tommy Doyle bought the place from his brother Kenny and changed up the name about six years ago.

Source: https://patch.com/massachusetts/easton-ma/tommy-doyle-s-expands-restaurant

It’s almost certainly not the inspiration for the bar in the game, but I really have no way to know that. I wish I could grill the creators of the game about where some of this stuff came from, but I doubt they’d want to spend the time going over the obscure minutiae of this game. I’d love to hear a long yarn about how it was based on a real place and there was something special about it that inspired them to not only mention it in the ads on the subway, but actually feature the bar exterior elsewhere in the game...

But I wouldn’t be surprised if it was just made up, or the origins forever lost to time.

If for some reason, I find myself on the East coast, I’d love to check out Tommy Doyle’s Pub and Grill- it had good reviews... and I can pretend to dodge lightning bolts in the parking lot, but honestly, I haven’t been more than 20 or 30 miles east of the I-5 corridor in almost 30 years, and I’m likely to keep it that way. I’m more likely to search for ghost towns in California.

6.) The dumbest way to lose the game:

There’s a fourth way to ruin your quest through the Labyrinth. I’ve never seen it written up, probably because it’s a pretty stupid thing to do, and if you’ve made it this far in the game, you’re unlikely to make this “mistake”.

Near the end of the game, you are confronted by a threatening bust of the Minotaur! Ooooh! If you try to approach it, it will try to gore you with his horns. Across the room from the bust are two large oval mirrors that are reflecting light over to the bust; the Minotaur is a kind of projection, then, and you use the two cans of paint to cover up the mirrors to eliminate the illusion and do two more actions that will win the game.

HOWEVER, if you paint one mirror... and then decide that maybe it needs a different paint job, the game will happily help you out with that, but then you’re minus one paint can for the other mirror, and you’re forever blocked from the end of the game by a semi transparent Minotaur bust.

7.) The punishment for theft is meant to be death:

Near the end of the game, history is altered, and a special artifact appears in the museum where previously, there was just an empty broken tube. The tube is still broken after history is altered, allowing you to take it and use it to win the game. Attempting a five fingered discount triggers an alarm and attempting to use the futuristic museum’s teleporter throws you inside the jail cell in the old town of Revolver Springs, California.

But what’s chilling about it is that your arrival date. Entering the Daily Bullet, a local newspaper company, establishes the date as April 30th:

History records, as these notes suggest, that the town was destroyed the next day. The final Daily Bullet paper confirms that the time period you are in when you visit the old town is the day before the town’s destruction:

I guess this last one isn’t so obscure if you play through the game. Yeah, it’s the town’s final day of existence, but how much thought is given to the fact that if you don’t have that key, you’ll eventually burn or be crushed by falling timber and bricks.

Cruel game, indeed.

[finleymbct]

Contexts of Game and Play: Readings Week 5

Yep, skipped one, my bad.

Things of Beauty: Super Smash Bros. as Spectator Sport (Innuendo Studios, 2015)

I was pleasantly surprised to discover that one of the readings was from a YouTuber who I recognized. Innuendo studios has done some pretty interesting commentary on games news, and it was the video about Phil Fish and fame that got me onto his channel. (want a fun fact? It contributed to Notch selling MineCraft and leaving games development)

Anyway, I did find the video quite interesting actually, in spite of never being a fan of Super Smash Brothers Melee, I was aware that there was still an eSports scene around - somehow - after 16 years. I guess this video did a lot to show what was so fascinating about the game, particularly as a spectator sport - on some level I can relate, having watched more than a few Counter-Strike tournaments. The difference between Melee and CSGO is pretty stark however. CSGO is still being updated; just recently they patched the R8 revolver and Negev in an attempt to give them some viability, and even the smallest tweaks to staple weapons such as the M4s, AK-47 and AWP can have much of the community, competitive and otherwise, in uproar. Smash isn’t going to ever change however, - everything that is possible now is equally possible sixteen years ago. The Game is fundamentally imbalanced, as Innuendo Studios discusses in the video: characters are tiered by the community in terms of viability, but even though there have been no changes whatsoever to the characters, their rankings have been known to change simply as a result of player meta. 

To me it’s quite bizarre to see a game live on with a community that relies on sixteen year old hardware, battered CRT televisions and actually having to be in the same room to have multiplayer. 

Set and Setting

A quick Wikipedia article, which seems to be mostly about psychedelic drug trips. The title describes ones mindset going into the trip (the “set”) and the physical and social environment (the “setting”) in which you have the experience. The importance of these both is that they will influence the participant’s experience - Timothy Leary describes it as:

“ the drug dose does not produce the transcendent experience. It merely acts as a chemical key — it opens the mind, frees the nervous system of its ordinary patterns and structures. The nature of the experience depends almost entirely on set and setting. Set denotes the preparation of the individual, including his personality structure and his mood at the time. Setting is physical — the weather, the room's atmosphere; social — feelings of persons present towards one another; and cultural — prevailing views as to what is real.”

I guess this does somewhat relate to gaming, as it can be a highly immersive medium. I’ve certainly learned that going into a game pissed off usually results in poor performance and exacerbates my own frustration. As for setting, it often doesn’t matter as much so long as I’m comfortable. I’m reminded of year 12 English, where we studied the film Inception - how the whole dream thing was a metaphor for cinema, where you get totally immersed in a world that doesn’t exist in a physical sense. You ever notice the feeling of disorientation after you get up after a movie in the cinema.

What is ontology? Introduction to the word and the concept -  Kent Löfgren

This one was pretty short; a discussion of ontology, a philosophical and non-philosophical context. In philosophy, it’s about what is and isn’t real, so what are the fundamental parts of the world, and how do they relate to each other. He uses the example of shoes and walking, are shoes more real than the idea of walking? They’re certainly related, as shoes are designed for the purpose of walking, but obviously you don’t require them in order to do so. 

He discusses two schools of thought in ontological philosophy: ontological Materialism, which is that physical things, such as particles, matter, chemical reactions and energy are actually more real than things such as the human mind. It’s the idea that reality exists regardless of a human being there to observe it. I guess it goes back to the old question, if a tree falls in the forest but no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?

The other school of thought is ontological Idealism, which is the belief that immaterial phenomenon, like human consciousness. It’s the idea that all of reality is constructed in the mind of the observer, and that the only thing I can say is true is that I exist as some kind of conscious thought. It kind of brings up the thought of “if this is true and the world is just a figment of my imagination, why should we care?” The answer which I found, funnily enough, was from the game VA-11 HALL-A: Cyberpunk Bartending Action (which I still haven’t gotten over), where one character had an existential crisis based on that very question. The answer was, you’re able to feel emotions and care when reading a book, watching a movie or listening to music, so you should be able to care what happens around you, even if in the end we’ve been living in the matrix and nothing is real.

In a non philosophical context, ontology is the description of what exists in a determined and specific field, such as every piece that exists within a set. This also includes the relationship and hierarchy between each of these parts. It’s more for researchers than those concerned with philosophy, and what is “real.” Much more objective, I suppose.

Serenity Now - Crash a Funeral in Winterspring

This one was mostly people being dicks and crashing a in game memorial - but also somewhat people underestimating trolls. While what the troll guild did wasn’t very cool, it was also stupid to try to hold a memorial in a PvP zone. The game wasn’t built with such things in mind, and the area in question was made for people to kill one another, gather, so Serenity Now were conforming to the system that was already in place. The next reading delves further into this very moral conundrum.

Serenity Now bombs a World of Warcraft funeral: Negotiating the Morality, Reality and Taste of Online Gaming Practices

If you put do something stupid, but well meaning, does that make it right for someone to take advantage of you? If I walk into a dark alleyway in a neighborhood that I know is rough, and end up getting mugged, does any blame lay on me for doing something stupid and risky? Mugging someone is clearly wrong, and the law is quite clear on that. Is it my fault that I got mugged in that instance, for getting into that situation? Is it the fault of the mugger in question, for waking up and deciding that my money would be better as theirs rather than mine? 

People will tell you that the mugger was wrong, but often they’ll tell you that you were stupid for getting into that situation. This moral discussion extends to all sorts of topics, and can get quite heated for some people based on the moral standards to which people hold not only themselves, but other people. When people say “she was asking for it” after someone rapes a drunken and scantily clad woman at a party, it’s much the same discussion - but people will obviously feel a lot more strong about it based on their perception of the victim, the crime and circumstance. Fundamentally I believe that blaming the victim is stupid, and anyone who takes an opportunity to commit harm to another person is just a guilty as someone who premeditated, but that doesn’t mean that people should be so trusting. It would be a much kinder, more caring world if we all treated one another with decency and respect, but the world isn’t that way, and naivety isn’t a good way to live. 

Going back to something maybe a little more lighter in tone, does crashing the in game funeral for a player who died in real life make you a douche, or does that make you foolish? Is having a funeral in a game about role-playing as warriors, mages and hunters inappropriate? I think that everyone has a right to remember someone in a respectful manner, even if it was just online, but people really should bear in mind the Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory, as named by Penny Arcade.

Play and interpret: 'Year in Review'

This one was a pretty simple game, just keep hitting the N and O keys to slow your drowning. You spam NONONONONONONO as you hear a voice-over pleading “pleasepleaseplease nononono”, and eventually your character disappears beneath the waves, and you’re shown a screen that shows: Your 2015 was a <number of times you hit N and O> out of 10. I guess the most immediate "meaning” I picked up was that the developer’s year was shit and that they felt they were drowning - a common metaphor for being overworked. One way or another, at the end of the game you drown, it’s over, you get a score.

I wonder if they made a game for 2016...

Play and interpret 'Slave of God'

This is probably the most bizarre game I’ve ever played. The colours, thumping (but pretty good actually) and deliberate visual glitches are downright headache inducing, and most certainly not for those suffering epilepsy. I think I finished this one, so here’s a rundown by memory:

You walk into the club, lights flashing, people dancing.

You get a couple of drinks from the bar out the back, and give one to a person sitting next to the dance floor. Every time you stand near where you put your drink down, you drink some, and it apparently never runs out.

You take a piss in the bathroom.

you visit two shady looking types below the stage, to the right.

car crashes next to the dance floor. How it got there is anyone’s guess.

you stand next to someone frantically dancing with a light beam coming out of their head. It catches you in it’s rapture, which is difficult to escape, and you can “pull” them away from the dance floor, getting to the final stage

you then follow a glowing path to see a window, at which point you see a “sun” come up. The games stops, and apparently ends

it was pretty interesting, though to be honest the presentation was difficult to get past. It worked well as a simulation of clubbing while drunk or high, as one moment blends into the other, and everything is reduced to abstract shapes and still images. I don’t know if there was an underlying story, though it reminded me somewhat of some sequences from the first Trainspotting film.

Play and interpret: 'Cyberqueen'

A sci-fi horror text adventure. It reminded me a lot of Systems Shock, which I admittedly have not played but know a fair bit about thanks to a few YouTubers. One such video describes the series antagonist, SHODAN, a sentient AI who takes over a space station and slaughters everyone aboard after the protagonist hacks her I finished the game, and clearly wasn’t imagining things. SHODAN becomes a megalomaniac with a god complex, frequently calling the protagonist and humans in general “insects”. Cyberqueen is pretty horrifying, describing in graphic detail your own dissection and subsequent melding with the AI, with things taking an often erotic-horror tone towards the end. You can choose to masturbate, high on your own power as you become one with the machine. It’s an awful lot like the themes of H.R. Giger’s art, with humans and machines locked in erotic embraces as one melds seamlessly into the other.

Play and interpret: 'Dr. Langeskov, The Tiger, and The Terribly Cursed Emerald: A Whirlwind Heist'

The most premium feeling “Game” of those in the readings. Made by Crows Crows Crows (A studio which I know from a VR experience they made for the HTC Vive called Accounting) and a guy Called William Pugh who directed The Stanley Parable. It’s quite clear that TSP had some influence on this one, they have a similar storytelling style and work to mock and satirise a particular aspect of games - TSP mocks the notion of player choice, whereas Dr Langeskov mocks a lot of the contrivances that occur in any story - you’re the man behind the scenes, making the rain happen, the tiger escape, etc etc. Maybe it’s some kind of author tract regarding the role of the game’s director in making everything “happen”. 

Christ alive, I’m done. Where are my thirty pieces of silver