#its just the awkward rejection part im afraid of | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cinnamonest · 4 years ago

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I feel like I’ve found my kin, I fell in love with Kakashi when I was like 8 LOL. Can I request some general yandere Zoro headcanons btw? I loved/still love him too 😶

Yes you may ahhh!!!! I love Zoro so much. I love writing for fandoms like this bc shounen anime are... Well, shounen, they're aimed at dudes, so they tend to not have as large of a female audience so there's not a lot of content out there. I love Luffy and there's like zero girl-targeted content for him. I swear I've spent so much time looking for wholesome, decent LuNa (my otp im sorry i just hhhh) doujins that aren't super male-oriented, and there's like... 2. For a 900+ episode anime. 2.

I also love the concept of a yandere in a situation where they CAN'T kidnap you, they're limited by their circumstances, so they have to kind of adjust or go insane. It's an interesting dynamic because it eliminates the norm for yanderes.

I think I mentioned this but I'm not 100% caught up with one piece (I mean, who is?), so I'm just keeping it simplistic and going with kinda basic Zoro and nothing with specific character developments or any spoilers other than his backstory

Yandere Roronoa Zoro (One Piece)

Tws: all the usuals -- yandere, noncon, kidnapping

He meets you while he's lost. I'm sorry I just. Zoro gets lost in the middle of some place they're docked, and you're just such a sweetheart, you see this guy clearly not knowing where he's going, and offer to help him. He's kind of taken aback by your softness and sweetness.

He's not easily made aware of his own feelings. He's a rough and tough sort of guy, and he has dedicated himself to swordsmanship so much that he's neglected to focus on himself and his interpersonal relationships, and he's not really self aware at all of his own feelings, very out of touch with his emotions.

Obviously, even if he tries to shove it down, Kuina weighs heavily on his mind in relation to you. He's another man that has known loss and it's dealt its damage on his psyche. He can't lose another person who's dear to him again.

This results in him becoming insanely protective, one of the most protective yans out there. He's easily one led into paranoia delusions regarding your safety. However, he's an honest and reasonable guy and can be level-headed when confronted. If someone (not yourself, as he thinks you're naive, but maybe another girl like Nami or Robin) tells him he's being overprotective and exaggerating about your safety, he may actually have a moment of self-realization and admit to it. He's capable of being reasonable enough to see it once it's pointed out to him. However... this doesn't stop him. He tries, really, he genuinely tells himself that he needs to stop. But his instincts just kind of take over. It's an impulse, to stop you from doing even the most slightly dangerous things.

Once you join the Straw Hat Crew, he just kinda... clings. It's a silent presence, but he's always there, constantly seems to show up wherever you are. Unfortunately, you can't really... get away from him per se. You're kinda limited to one ship, at least as long as you're out on the sea. Your only option for respite is going to your room or bathing, otherwise, he's gonna follow you, even if he's not saying anything and (very badly) trying to feign indifference, pretending you just happen to be going the same way all the time. He doesn't really know what to say, he's not good with these things, and often he's acting without really thinking too much about it. He won't usually strike up a conversation, he just... is there. Watches. May awkwardly ask a question or make a passing comment.

One scenario I imagine is you jokingly picking up one of his swords and wielding it around giggling and he just flips out, takes it from you and yells at you not to do that, are you an idiot? Do you want to trip and fall and have that impale you? Do you realize how easy it would be for you to slice your arm open by accident? It's startling to both you and anyone watching -- even for someone who gets yell-y as easily as him, it seems like an overreaction. He'll apologize but insist it's a safety thing, really.

And he really tries to hide his more... aggressive nature, because he thinks it will drive you away -- he's a blunt, tough guy with a short-fused temper, and he thinks that's definitely not something women like very much. He tries not to yell at you, not get mad so easy, keep his calm better around you, and might even be nicer to others so that you don't think he's mean. And for the most part, he can manage that. Except when it comes to a very specific, very problematic blonde crew member. His little conflicts with Sanji get worse, to even a point that he's snapping at him so frequently that even Sanji himself is a bit bewildered and caught off guard by it. The others notice they fight a lot more often... and Zoro always seems to instigate it, picking quarrels over the littlest things. In reality, he's afraid of the other's... sleazy nature. He can't have you falling for that bastard. He even starts to get jittery when you're in the presence of Franky, Usopp, hell even Luffy of all people. It's noticeable, and everyone kinda worries for him.

He kicks himself for it as soon as he does it, but he finds himself insulting you nonetheless. It's a terrible habit. He gets so awkward and flustered that it's second nature for him to say something snarky or even rude when you talk to him, and he immediately is just mentally screaming at himself for doing so. This will get a bit better with time, though, if you two talk more often.

Now, even if you can fight, you're never gonna really get the opportunity. In battle, he's clinging to you and protecting you at every moment, even if it costs the others some unnecessary wounds. It's highly uncharacteristic of him, and they notice. He won't leave your side, insisting that you're a weak fighter and that he has to take care of you. You just don't get it, you overestimate yourself, you underestimate your enemies, you're a girl. What, Nami and Robin? Well, they've been at this much longer than you, and they had rough upbringings. You're different. You're soft... fragile. You just can't see it. You're lucky he's here to protect your dumbass.

Due to your setup, well, he can't really kidnap you per se. He undoubtedly would if you two were somewhere else, in another life or another setting, but that's not really an option, and even as a yandere, he would never go so far as to kill or abandon his crew. So, he's stuck with just... slowly, slowly mentally deteriorating.

Now, he's not capable of kidnapping, he's not smart enough to really manipulate you into anything (although he WILL tell you that some of the other guys are out to use you), so, he's left to be the guard dog he inevitably becomes to you. If you avoid him, he'll just follow you. If you don't talk to him, that's ok. If you confront him, he'll just insist he has no idea what you're talking about, and you'll start to feel like maybe you're just paranoid. The others... don't really know what to do, to be honest. I can see Nami/Robin potentially confronting him, but in the end, they can't force him to change his behaviors, and they can't afford to lose him. This results in, gradually, everyone slowly kind of accepting your dynamic onboard. They feel bad for you, really, but... in the end, Zoro's just more valuable to the crew. Sorry. They're not gonna get rid of him, but they don't want to get rid of you either.

If you leave? It may just be one of the very very few things that could ever cause him to leave the Strawhats. It would tear him up, really, it goes against his dreams, his pride, his loyalty, but in the end... his loyalty is first and foremost to you. He'll follow you if you leave. It's a bad move on your part, because this gets rid of the only thing standing between you and kidnapping. Which, at that point, surely will happen. Like his other behaviors, he'll feel bad, he'll try and stop himself, tell himself it's wrong, but you'll end up bound in some dark basement nonetheless. He's one to take a very simple approach. Find you alone, sling you up and over his shoulder and carry you off before anyone can come.

Rejection doesn't faze him. No matter what, he'll remain by your side. Even if you never love him in return. It's just his nature, he's a guardian through and through.

In the end, he'll be right there by your side, scaring off any competitors, clinging to you like glue, ever in your presence like a shadow, forever. Whether you want him to or not. He's just an inescapable force, an unmovable object, and you're wasting your time trying to change your fate.

Now, he's very flustered with anything sexual. Highly embarrassed, lots of shame, and doesn't talk much about it. It just kind of happens. He doesn't talk much during, mostly grunts and the occasional fuck when you clamp down, occasionally asking you if you're ok, if it hurts, if it feels good. It's one of the only very soft sides of him. In the end, he really, truly loves you, and doesn't want to hurt you, he wants you to feel good and just love him. It's a very different side to him, one no one else has ever really seen, it's the most vulnerable he himself has ever been with another person.

He feels shame for it, but initially he'll definitely be one to steal your things, sit outside of your room at night, listening to you through the wall, try and get glimpses of you bathing or dressing. He really, really feels guilty, and he's one that will, once you're comfortably restrained and never going anywhere, just sit down and list out every nasty little thing he's ever done regarding you, just to get it off his chest. He understands if you react badly, and he'll apologize, which is a bit ironic considering how much worse kidnapping you is.

He'll apologize for that, too. He's actually one to do so a lot. He's normally a proud guy, but with this? He knows it's wrong, he knows it's fucked up. He knows he can't stop. And he'll be sorry to the moon and back. Just never sorry enough to stop.

He's actually a pretty vanilla guy. Hand-holding missionary type. And, despite being so embarrassed over it all, oddly romantic about it. It's one of the only things he's ever soft and gentle about, it's almost unbelievable to you that he's capable of being so gentle and slow with anything. But he'll kiss your forehead, really take his time with it all, make you cum on his fingers before ever actually fucking you. Hold your hand, look into your eyes. It would be honestly incredibly sweet if it weren't... you know, taking place in some dark sealed off room after dragging you there against your will.

If he's particularly mad, he can get rougher, but he'll apologize after. It's a lot of harsh grabbing, biting, it leaves bruises that he'll rub over softly, whispering an apology, even if a little part of him likes the way it looks on you.

#lena's asks #yandere x reader #yandere zoro #yandere one piece

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nobodyfindthisacc · 4 years ago

Text

Slides and Monkey bars

Sana x reader

Fluff

Request~ “can you please do the prompt: only time can tell, with g/n reader x sana (twice) please make it angst but with happy ending im a sucker for sappy endings 😭”

Word count~ 1.2k words

A/N~ didn’t turn out as angsty, so i hope you still like it :))

There she is, dancing and singing on stage in front of millions of fans. Even with a single wink, she manages to capture thousands’ heart. You aren’t an exception either, you’ve never been. And maybe that’s why it hurts, knowing you’ve been there for her since before debut, yet you had no chance in winning her like she did with you.

You wish you could leave. You wish you had the heart to ghost her, for the sake of your heart. Yet here you are, standing helplessly at the backstage with flowers in hand, awaiting for her to jump into your arm per usual. And she does. Pumpkin orange hair fills you vision, as the idol hug your waist tightly.

“Wow there m’lady. Be careful, you could’ve made us fall and crush these beautiful flowers i brought for you.” You say with a hand on her shoulder. “Haven’t you already fallen for me? And these flowers aren’t as enchanting as you are” she flirts with you like she always does, but you knew better than that. “Sana” the smirk on Sana’s face fades away, along with her hands around you. “You have to stop flirting, I’m fine with your affection but now it just feels like your leading me on.” You say with a somber smile.

“no no, I didn’t mean to lead you on! Im sor-“ Sana’s frantically waving her hands, in order to make sure she doesn’t hurt you. She might not be your lover, be she’s definitely your friend. “I know, you didn’t mean to. Don’t worry.” You cut her off and give her a cheeky smile in hopes to cheer her up.

The air after that is a bit awkward. With Sana being self conscious with everything she does and says to me. She’s a really nice friend at least. You guys go off for a walk while the rest of her group goes back to their dorms. The car ride’s not as awkward as before as she starts loosening up again, singing to the songs on the radio with casual humming from you.

Once you arrive at the park, sana gets off whilst rubbing her hands because of the chill breeze going through the sky in autumn night. You offer your hand, to which she takes. While strolling through the park, you encounter a playground, far too familiar for both of you.

“Hey it’s that playground we played in back in high school!” With that she goes of to the said playground, climbing up a slide. You chuckle at the girl as she slides down the toy. “Aren’t you a little to old for that miss?” You tease only for the later to pull your arm to another part of the playground. “Oh stop it. Just because we’re older, doesn’t mean we can’t play with it too.”

You end up in front of a monkey bar. A particularly tall one at that. “Can the master still go through the highest bar? Or are they now a drowned out used been?” You let out another laugh as she challenges you with hands crossing her chest. “You really want me to climb a monkey bar for children?” You insult the toy, “hey it’s still taller than both of us” her rebuttal made you narrow your eyes towards the figure in front of you, with a smirk displaying on your face.

“I need more convincing.” Sana looks at you puzzlingly as she thinks of a way to convince you to have some fun. Only deciding to be mysterious. “You’ll get a reward!” “From who? You?” You ask, pretty intrigued. “Of course me! Who else?” She proclaims slightly offended by the lack of belief. “Ok, i just thought you were gonna have jyp transfer some money into my pocket.” “Hey!” She pouts at your tease. “So what is it? The reward?” You ask one more time, only to be met with a grin from the other. “You’d have to do it first.”

You end up doing it. You were gonna do it, even without the reward, it was just fun teasing sana. But the reward was a bonus. She’s probably gonna buy you some drink from the soda machine near the playground. Your hands are starting to feel a tad burn from all friction the bars gave, and you are definitely bad at swinging compared to when you were called the “master of monkey bars” but you held on finishing it for a free soda, but mostly because of pride. With an arm reaching for the last bar, you finish of with a jump.

As childish as it sounds, you’re ecstatic at the accomplishment. Maybe it’s the feeling of still having a little part of yourself way back in your younger days, maybe it’s just because you like proving to others you can do it, or maybe it’s just because of the reward. You continue to jump to Sana in happy fit. “Ta-da!” You do jazz hands in order to show off to the later. “The master still got it.” You exclaim, now panting after several jumps of high, resting your hand on your hips.

Sana didn’t know what she feels right now. But seeing you jump in joy to her reminds her of a puppy running to its owner after catching a ball. It’s unbelievably cute. She just wanted to keep you in her pocket. She wants a lot of things right now, actually. But she couldn’t put in words. “Sana?” So she ends up doing something on autopilot.

She kisses you.

You pull away in surprise. Why did she kiss you? She rejected you didn’t she? She didn’t like you right? Not in that way right? Is she purposely leading you on? Questions fills your mind as you look at her questioningly and with caution.

Meanwhile, Sana backs away in fear. What’d she do? Why did she do that? She isn’t romantically interested in you, right? God, do you hate her now? Are you going to leave her? She looks shook by her own action. Thus why you’re the one to cut the silence.

“Sana, what was that?” You as curiously, you didn’t voice any anger for that’d make things worse. And you’re truly more curious than anything. “I-I don’t know.” She stutters. “I’m sorry. I fucked up. I know. I just, I just did it on instinct? I don’t know, I just did it without thinking and I’m so sor-“ she rambles on and on, not even realising her feelings spilling out.

“Sana, stop for a bit. Breathe in and breathe out. Your starting to shake.” You stop yet again, now going closer to the later, putting both hands on her shoulders. With your instructions, she starts to calm down from all the fear of you leaving. You wouldn’t, she assures herself.

After a moment of silence, you ask her the most important question of your relationship, the one sana dreads the most. “Do you like me Sana?” She didn’t know. She’s unsure of herself. She’s afraid of ruining things. Things like your relationship, things like the public’s opinion, things like her friends and family’s opinion. But ultimately, she figures to admit the truth. “I think I do”

Letting go of her shoulders, you both stand there in silence. Until you ask again, “Do I have a chance?” A whisper of hope is let out, as the crickets chirp in the background. Not like you guys would ever acknowledge it, too immersed in each others’ eyes and warmth.

“I don’t know yet.” A helpless cry responds to the question. Confusion, love, and disappointment swim in her eyes. She didn’t know. So your hand reaches out for hers, intertwining them. “It’s fine, i can wait.”

#twice imagines #twice imagine #gxg #twice x reader #sana imagines #twice scenarios

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aemiron-main · 2 years ago

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I read your post about irl best friend...

It's absolutely beautiful how you describe him. It really shows that you see him as your light and just how much you love him.

I think you're afraid of your love for him. I think you're an over thinker, making up scenarios in your head of how he'll reject you. Not just your feelings for him but you as a person. The fear that you'll lose not just him but all those years of friendship as well. The once sweet memories will become bittersweet and you'll ask yourself: was it worth it?

Well, that's just the negative side.

The slightly negative, slightly positive side would be that he accepts who you are, but doesn't reciprocate those feelings. You'll either lose full contact or things would be more awkward than ever. He could tell you he always kinda knew about you though. With the way you explained things, it seems like he might've. In this scenario, your friendship could either grow stronger, yourself having gained an ally, or you might become more distant. More tense and awkward.

Best case scenario though, he did know and he's liked you back the entire time. Says "Yeah you were literally the only one that didn't know" and he asks you more questions about yourself. Questions he probably already had, but didn't think you had answers to. You have a whole moment and truly life begins for the both of you. Things might take a little getting used to. You're both talking more now, maybe not as much as before, but it's definitely more than the past few months. And maybe in this scenario you'd tell yourself; it was worth definitely it.

I could be completely wrong though. I could be giving you false hope. Or I could be giving you courage. It could take awhile to summon enough courage to tell him exactly what you want to tell him. And me being a sucker for happy endings, I truly hope you find yours, whether its with him or not. Remember you keep your head up, drink water and keep doing what makes you happy.

If you read this, thank you. I hope it helped.

If not, I sincerely apologize. ❤

ANON,,,, ITS SO FUNNY BC I GOT THIS ASK RIGHT AFTER I DELETED THAT POST (i have the writeup saved in a google doc) YOUR TIMING IS IMPECCABLE AND I APPRECIATE THIS SO MUCH SERIOUSLY THERES NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE!!! This is such an absolutely wonderful and kind message and I appreciate it SO, SO MUCH!! God you're making me emotional. I think you're spot-on here, I'm 10000% an over-thinker and I have absolutely made up about a million scenarios about how a rejection would go, and you're exactly right that it's about fear of him rejecting me as a person and losing that friendship, you've read me like a book LMAO.

The way that you've laid all of this out is deeply insightful and reassuring and again, very appreciated. Especially going into both the positives and the negatives, and how things could go badly, it could become more distant, but it could also go well! And especially about him asking questions, because THAT'S something i never really considered, because we've grown up so much together that it always felt like we knew eachother completely but it feels now like there's parts we've been missing and that answering questions could change that.

"You have a whole moment and truly life begins for the both of you. Things might take a little getting used to. You're both talking more now, maybe not as much as before, but it's definitely more than the past few months. And maybe in this scenario you'd tell yourself; it was definitely worth it." AHHHHHHHHHHHH ANON THAT PART REALLY GOT ME I MEAN ALL OF THIS GOT ME IM HALF AWAKE RN SO IM SORRY IF MY RESPONSE SEEMS AWKWARD I JUST DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO REPLY TO SUCH A KIND AND WELL THOUGHT OUT MESSAGE ABOUT MY POST!! Thank you so much for the wonderful message, anon!!! I hope you find your happy ending too, and all the same goes for you!! :DDD

#asks

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tsumuki · 4 years ago

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found out

feat. miya atsumu

a/n uhh hi this is my first work ever and this prompt has been stuck in my head and it needed to get out. pls send recs / tips for writing it would b much appreciated !!!

warning/s: angst, barely any fluff but its there, VERY SLIGHT nsfw

miya atsumu; he came in waves.

you met atsumu on your first day of university. hey new place, new school, cute boy, what could go wrong?

plopping yourself next to the boy, striking up some halfass conversation as if you weren’t completely drooling over him and thus a friendship began; but you wanted more.

after meeting atsumu, your attraction toward each other wasnt a secret and didn’t take long for you to end up in bed with him. after the first day, you both agreed to a “friends with benefits” ordeal. you two never agreed to not catch feelings. did that mean he knew he wouldn’t?

after a few months of your on going “friends with benefits” ordeal, you discovered you had feelings for him. you honestly didnt think too much of it and never bothered to confess, thinking it’s a given that he felt the same way.

but recently, there was no doubt something was up. he’d been avoiding your calls, not eating lunch with you, and essentially calling you in the late hours of the night for his... needs.

and there you were, laying on his naked chest, legs intertwined, exchanging soft kisses while watching your show.

“hey tsumu, there’s this new ramen shop my friend told me about, we should go!”

he looks at you, “i’ve been busy, we can go when my schedule opens up” ah, rejected once again. you just nod.

“actually” he says putting you off his chest and getting up, “i had fun but i have an early class tomorrow, do you think you could get going?” you blink at him, feeling the tinge in your chest. nonetheless, you comply gathering your things and leaving. “i’ll call you sometime” he says and he shuts the door and you make your way back to your dorm. what is up with him.

the next day, you find yourself at a cafe when you see a familiar blonde sitting with one of your mutual friends. you light up and make your way to their table-

“she’s always fucking hanging off me. everytime i try to get rid of her she keeps coming back and she always tries to make plans during the day, as if i’d want to be seen with her.”

you pause, your heart clenching. there’s no way he’s talking about you right?

“yeah i hear you tsumu, y/n seems pretty into you.”

time stops, it feels like all the wind has been knocked out of you. you want nothing more than to scream and yell at him for throwing around loving words and pretty lies; make him feel the hurt that you were feeling. but instead, you turn around and leave the cafe.

your mind races 100mph while staring at your dorm ceiling. everything he said, all the late night calls, the kisses exchanged in secret, the whispers of love were nothing to get you in bed.

your heart clenches as you remember what he said about you. you see your phone light up the room.

tsumu <3: hey i miss u. come over?

you stare at your screen in shock, as if he hadn’t broken your heart into pieces. you don’t know what hurts more, the fact that he said that about you or the fact he could come back after saying it.

nonetheless, you type back

me: sure

yeah, he hurt you, but you did love him. deeming this the last night of him, a parting gift for yourself. getting up, making yourself look decent, making your way to him.

you arrive at his dorm and knock twice. he opens the door with a wide smile, seeing him almost makes you want to throw up. “hey babe.” he says to you.

you make your way inside, staying silent. sitting on the bed, waiting for him to make his way to you. he removes his shirt as he does. he leans in lips locking with yours as he lowers you to the bed.

after you both finish, he gives you a kiss on the forehead giving you a smile. he lays next to you as he waits for you to cuddle next to him like you usually do.

he waits

and waits

you only turn to your side, back towards him and sigh. he furrows his brows, questioning what could be wrong. “i’m going to the restroom, then i’ll see myself out” you say getting up

he gives you a look of confusion as to why you’re acting this way, but before you can say anything, you’re gone. he then sees your phone light up, a text from your best friend. he knows he shouldn’t, it’s an invasion of privacy but when he sees his name in the text, curiosity gets the best of him.

he opens the thread, heart dropping as you explain to your friend what you had heard him say and that this was the last time. he knows you deserve better, and it only took him losing you to realize what he had.

he barely has time to think when the bathroom door swings opened with you fully clothed ready to leave. he throws your phone in attempt to not look guilty. you two make eye contact, realizing how beautiful you were.

you give him an awkward smile, gathering your things. both parties hurting as you did so. he knew he should say something, he didn’t want to lose you. he always knew how he felt about you, but was always too afraid to speak up; pushing you away instead. thoughts of i know you deserve better i love you, please dont go, im sorry for what i said running through his mind. he knew he had to change, change for you.

he speaks up, “hey how about we go to the ramen shop, you told me about?”

#miya atsumu #atsumu x reader #atsumu headcanons #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu #haikyuu imagine #hq x you #hq x reader #hq imagines #hq headcanons

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clonecest-bin-account · 4 years ago

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hey i hope its okay i slap two reqs in here. can you write nsfw for rex/dogma in the verse of meeting and the connected fics? also, dont think ive ever seen it before, but hardcase/hound and grizzer because the mandolorian confirmed that the best quality of massifs are their wiggles and i think theyd be good dog parents (im sorry if you get this twice my internet timed out but im not sure if it sent)

(Don’t worry, I don’t mind the double prompts! I’m going to post the Rex/Dogma one today and the Hardcase/Hound one tomorrow, I hope that’s okay with you!)

(This fic is part of this series)

(Fic under the cut)

The next morning, things are less awkward than they should be: Rex wakes up, joins Dogma - who was already awake - on the couch, mutters a “good morning”, and they stay there for a while, not speaking. Not the worst thing that could’ve happened.

There’s one question hanging in the air, however, and sooner or later, one of them will have to talk about it.

Weirdly enough, it’s Rex the one who speaks up first. “You said we should talk.”

“Yes, I said that,” Dogma calmly replies.

“So… What should we exactly say?” Rex says. Ok, now things are starting to get awkward.

“Well… I’ll be honest, Rex,” Dogma begins. “Even if I really like it here in the Guard, I always missed you. I always held you in such a high esteem, then Krell came and… and for a moment, that esteem was shattered.” He lowers his gaze. “In the end, I was the one who was wrong. I should’ve seen that coming, and instead I remained blind to everything.”

“Dogma--”

Dogma raises his hand and Rex shuts up immediately.

“I felt like such a disappointment, and when we met again, I thought that I finally had the chance to make it up to you…”

Rex stays silent for a moment, his gaze weighting heavily on Dogma, who even lowers his eyes in order not to look at it. Then, he replies. “Dogma, first of all, you weren’t a disappointment.”

Dogma looks about to retort, but now it’s Rex the one who shushes him. “It was a difficult situation. There’s no need of making it up to me. At least I hope you haven’t stuck with me just because of that--”

“No!” Dogma immediately exclaims. “No, that’s not why I did it! It’s because, along the way, I… I fell. I-In love, I mean…”

“And yet you rejected me yesterday,” Rex points out, tone carefully neutral.

“That’s because I was afraid you were doing it just because you were desperate and I was the only one present, I didn’t--”

“Dogma, that couldn’t be farther from the truth,” Rex interrupts him, grabbing his hands and squeezing them. “I’ve been harboring the same feelings for a while too. I never said anything before because it never seemed the right moment. I’m sorry I’ve led you to believe that I didn’t return them.”

Dogma remains silent, observing Rex.

Then, in a flash, he moves, taking Rex’s face between his hands and seizing his lips. The other falls back for the surprise, landing with his back on the couch, and Dogma takes advantage of this to sit on his lap without stopping kissing him. Rex, however, doesn’t stay still, and after grabbing Dogma by the hips, he responds in kind, kissing back with the same force.

He makes a whine escape Dogma’s lips when he takes his lower lip between his teeth and sucks, making him tremble from head to toe. “Reeeex,” he whines, grinding his body against the other’s. Rex can already feel a small bulge pressing against his own.

“What do you want?”

“Fuck me.”

Rex wasn’t expecting Dogma to be this direct, but kriff if it isn’t hot. “Do you have slick?” he asks, and Dogma nods.

Oh, he’s going to fuck him good alright.

He’s as careful as ever in the way he prepares him, not wanting to hurt him in any way.

It’s hard not to gaze at the way Dogma shivers and arches upon his touch, at how flushed his face looks, at the way his lips hang open as he moans, even sticking his tongue out a bit… That’s it, Rex can’t resist anymore. In a moment he leans down, pressing his body against Dogma, kissing him until they’re both out of breath, and still even then it’s hard to pull away.

“Rex!” Dogma whines as the other twists his fingers inside him just right. “Please!”

It’s endearing how eager for it he already is, but Rex can’t deny sharing the same sentiment. “You sure?” he still asks, just to be certain. Last thing he needs is to get Dogma hurt because they wanted to get on with it faster than they should’ve had.

There’s nothing uncertain in the way Dogma nods, however. “Yes, please… I’m ready.”

Well, if he’s sure…

Rex removes his fingers, using them to coat his cock in lube. He shivers as he touches himself, but he tries to keep himself in check in order not to let go too early - he still has to get inside Dogma, for Prime’s sake.

Once he lines himself up over Dogma’s entrance, he shoots him another look, to which Dogma nods in response. “Please, please, please, please…”

With that ringing endorsement, Rex pushes inside, unable to contain his voice as he feels Dogma enveloping him. So good…

Once he bottoms out, he remains still, giving Dogma time to get used to the intrusion. “Ok?” he asks, caressing Dogma’s cheek.

“Yeah… Yeah, it’s fine,” the other replies, prompting Rex to begin slowly rocking his hips in and out, in and out. Dogma moans and his hands shoot up to hold onto Rex’s large shoulders, burying his fingernails into them; it burns a little, but Rex doesn’t find himself minding.

“Rex! Rex! Rex!” Dogma’s voice is filling the room, and it encourages Rex to keep going, thrusting deeper, faster. He wants to make Dogma see stars.

The more he goes on, the closer he finds himself to coming; looking at Dogma, he seems on the same boat. “Dogma…” Rex mutters, pressing their foreheads together, making Dogma open his eyes and their gazes meet. “Together?”

A nod. “Together,” he replies then, holding onto Rex with even more strength than before as Rex pushes and pushes and pushes and…

They do come indeed together, clinging onto each other, keeping close, whispering each other’s names like a prayer. It’s a lot, but not in a bad way; they feel so connected to each other. So good…

Even once Rex pulls away, they still remain entangled, without any intentions to move.

Rex nuzzles his nose against Dogma’s neck, making him chuckle and draw him in for a kiss to which Rex responds in kind. When they pull away, they press their foreheads together.

“Do you have to go?” Dogma asks, then, a small frown on his face.

Well, Rex should go, but… “I’ll stay here for another while,” he reassures him.

Sure, he will have to leave soon, but for now all he wants is to bask in Dogma’s warmth a bit longer. Judging by Dogma’s smile at those words, he feels the same.

Tag list: @maulusque @captainrexwouldnever If you want to be added feel free to let me know!

#assorted clonecest fics #clonecest #cloneshipping #rexdogma #captain rex #clone trooper dogma #rexdogma guard dogma au #my fics #spicy tag #Anonymous

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roguestarsailor · 4 years ago

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i need help understanding mor and the dynamic between cassian and azriel.

TLDR; i dont get why this dynamic is so important! for mor, its two issues here and they aren’t connected. mor can reject az and keep her true sexuality a secret so why is she so insistent on being shitty to az? azriel getting rejected isn’t going to break his entire heart forever; az is a big boy he will be ok. god i hate this dynamic so much.

ok so this girl doesn’t have the courage to tell azriel that she doesn’t like him that way (or ever).

but its been 500 years of pining; like ?? i think he knows his heart has been broken?? hes a spy master; his entire profession is him seeking secrets and i would even assume knowing how to read people and such. i feel like after 500 years, he can pretty much confirm shes not interested in him. and then using cassian whenever theyre together should also signify something? are we banking on azriel to be a Head Empty dumbo man who doesn’t have an ounce of self awareness and emotional intelligence here?? mor constantly flirts w cassian as a joke. mor needing cassian to be a buffer sounds like she just wants him as the third wheel but nothing else and thats really shitty thing to do. how can she think she can keep it up?? how can she also assume cassian won’t try to find love?? she doesn’t love az why stop him from finding love???

she straight up only likes females no? she’s already sleeping with other people. thats a known fact. azriel has also slept w other people. they dont sleep together but they do just hang out--like buddies?? they go to ritas, they hang out in the houses at valeris, they do night court jobs together-ish but thats it? that sounds like what friends do. so if she rejects azriel, the worst that seems to happen is that they won’t hang out like they used to.

i flipped through ACOWAR to make sure im not missing anything and this is part of what she says:

“I’m not sure I can give my entire heart to him in that way. And...and I love him enough to want him to find someone who can truly love him like he deserves. And I love myself....I love myself enough to not want to settle until I find that person, too” (ACOWAR, 592)

“I should tell him. I need to tell him. Mother above, after last night, I should. But...It’s gone on for so long. So long. I’m petrified to face him--to tell him he’s spent five hundred years of pining for someone and something that won’t ever exist. The potential fallout...I like things the way they are.” (ACOWAR, 593)

she says this shit!! two contradictory paragraphs!!! how are you gonna be like let az find love/i want to find love and then backtrack and be like wait i like this dynamic??? what??????? in between those two line she says this:

“It’s stupid, I know. It’s so stupid and cruel that I do this, but...I slept with Helion just to remind Azriel...Gods, I can’t even say it. It sounds even worse saying it.”

“To remind him that you’re not interested.” (ACOWAR, 593)

what is this?? literally what the fuck?? this line right here makes mor sound like such a dick. this is literally cruel; she knows hes got intense feelings for her but she does this still?? is this some kind of power trip she likes???

yes it can be heart breaking to lose a friend but at the same time stringing them along and being so elusive is worse is it not?? yes it will probably hurt az a lot especially if his feelings are super intense but i think they as characters are capable of going past this. it might not be like before, but they will still be supportive of one another.

but also consider this: what would be the consequence of rejecting azriel? will he go on a rampage? will he shut out the IC forever? will he abandon them? is there a darkness to him that makes mor afraid to speak her actual feelings? cuz i feel like at worst it would be a few awkward moments here and there but ultimately it would just be over with and they will be friends again. does she really believe that az would continue to be a hopeless puppy following her around in the hope of her loving him forever or does she think he’ll reject love forever if she rejects him? she hasn’t given him actual romantic love back so he might not be missing much. and even her words about fucken helion just to remind az she’s not interested is treating him shity enough (which also leads me to why does he love mor? did he know her before rhys brought her to the illyrian camp all those years ago when she and cassian did it?) i know she wants to keep liking females a secret, but rejecting az won’t make people automatically assume she isn’t straight.

i can’t help but think literally all of mor’s reasoning for not telling az and keeping the dynamic going is garbage. the stakes aren’t that high! shes being a bad friend and stifling both cassian and azriel! idk how az’s heart isn’t already breaking?? im really mad SJM is trying to play this up as a big thing and making this dynamic seem so important to these characters but for mor, its two issues here and they aren’t connected. mor can reject az and keep her true sexuality a secret. azriel getting rejected isn’t going to break his entire heart forever; az is a big boy he will be ok. god i hate this dynamic so much.

on another note thats vaguely related to the above post: i re-read the scene in ACOWAR where mor confesses her true sexuality to feyre and im thinking why can’t mor just be bi? i’m not super well versed about sexuality here so correct me if im wrong but making her sleep w other males just to throw off the idea that she likes females sounds.......wrong?? why does SJM frame taking males to bed as this tool mor needs to keep up the secret of her preferring females but at the same time saying mor still likes sleeping w males too. so does that not define bisexuality??? does mor being bi take away from the impact of her not liking azriel??? mor feels like a diversity token rather than genuine queer character imo.

also why does knowing she prefers females hurt her in anyway? does she think her father is gonna send out assassins to murder her lovers? whats the cost benefit analysis to that? mor already controls hewn city, has rhys + IC as backup. and going by the logic mor puts out, does it matter that she takes female lovers as long as she can can produce heirs/continue the bloodline (because thats what her shitty family prioritizes)?? i feel like she can do both tbh. i see that its the emotional component that mor values and i can understand trying to shield something precious to her since her family has hurt and ruined so much of her life. the only significance i can read from this is that SJM is trying to show representation of closeted folks in the form of mor which i guess is fine if you vibe with her in that way??

this is the part of the ACOTAR lore that throws me off: i feel like sexual fluidity would be the norm for faes. these folks live forever and they will only stick to being straight? hard to believe personally. mor mentions that in her family specifically she is considered a “prized mare” who is great for popping babies but a) fae babies are rare already so i dont think she can just pop babies unless thats part of her power b) they just need her to “breed” so taking other lovers shouldnt be a problem either so long as mor’s family have babies to “continue the bloodline” c) is faithfulness an unspoken law? is polygamy frowned upon? these are immortal creatures why would they keep to one lover? babies are rare so from purely biological/survival stand point wouldnt faes have to have multiple lovers in order to reproduce???

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sukirichi · 3 years ago

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[ BROKEN RECORDS ; asks ]

💌 — love letter from @kyriaan

from track 007.

Okay okay im still kinda meh'ish' but i really wanted to answer you so 😭 ill try to compile both my answer to your answer on my love letter and my hyped review on track 7 <3 so yeah another long ass rant from me 😩💕Suki... Suki pls I totally forgot Tsumu had a crush on us Suki... And then poor Tsumu ir there sulking cause he still likes u- JFBFBDVDVSJCHDHSIA omfg i wanted so much to hug him my baby I like him so much 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and he was trying so hard to behave while just sitting there sad fhfhfvbbshsjfhbdjaofhffhsoshd TSUMU YOU'RE STILL IN MY TOP 3 BABY 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

And then you throw the whole dancing scene with suna and I dont know whos on my top 3 anymore 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 SUKIIIIIIII THAT SCENE ALONE GJGJBFBSJCNFNKSOSNF OMFG IM FALLING SO HARD FOR SUNA I THINK? I think my top 3 had 4 dudes in it cause 3rd place has Suna and Atsumu tied?? Hfhfbfbfhdhsja I CANT PICK?? BUT BUT I WAS FEELING STUPIDLY DOWN WHEN READING THAT AND THAT SCENE ALONE MADE ME FEEL SO SOFT IT WAS SO CUTE AND OMG IF SUNA DID THAT TO ME I WOULD DROP ON MY KNEES AND ASK HIM TO MARRY ME CAUSE OMFGGGFFFF DUDE EVEN WENT AHEAD AND SAID THAT WHOLE 'HES GOING TO BE ONE LUCKY GUY'

Oh shit im crying again that scene lets me emotional 😭😭😭😭 someone get me a sunrin irl pls

Anyways the way that suna knows y/n is just.... FUCKING END UP TOGETHER ALREADY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST JBVSHSJBEHSISJ

Also how powerful are we?? HOW FUCKING POWERFUL ARE WE TO SCORE SUNA KITA AND TSUMU?? ARE YOU GONNA TELL. ME IF OIKAWA MOFO TOORU APPEARED HE WOULD ALSO BE ON HIS KNEES FOR US?? (okay no wait... No nooo i would legit drop anyones ass for tooru hes that powerful for me like sorry suna was fun but TOORU)

Yo nah but the whole Kita sex scene- let me breath bestie LET ME BREATH CAUSE I WAS HOT BUT AT SAME TIME I WAS FEELING GUILTY 😂😂😂😂 ESPECIALLY WHEN HE WAS FEELING DISAPPOINTED NEXT DAY LIKE KITA PLS BABY WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING?? 😬😬😬😬 But at same time his 'ill fuck the thought of him out of you tonight' I ALMOST MOANED YASSSSS TELL ME DADDY HOLY SHITTTTT

👀👀👀👀 Still not a kita simp ✌️✌️🤏✌️

Okay Kita deserves the best tho I mean okay he went there as a y/n mom's plan but he did ended up helping alot... Especially cause he knows no matter what y/n heart will always be suna's and pls give Kita the best ending possible cause he deserves someone who will trully love him and show him the world cause mah boy deserves it

*breaths in breaths out* i hated this scene- not in a bad way but shit i hate rejections... To the point im kinda afraid of confessing now cause i despise the feeling of being rejected... The best i can descrive it it like this coldness in your chest that descends your whole body and then you feel frozen in place.. Thats how it feels for me I hate it I absolutely despise it- its also the feeling i have when in a really bad situation and ugh...

The suna part made. Me feel this no matter how many times i reread it the feeling doesnt lessen it keeps being there cause (okay you probably are tired already of me saying this but) Suki I feel like I cant put it in words how much of a fucking good of a writer you are. Ill go ahead and say you are by far my favorite writer the fact i always feel so engaged and the fact i always feel like im there its just- it blows my mind.

I felt like suna was personally rejecting me and i hated it- i swear the moment he said prove it I almost screamed HOW? My brain had to take a moment to just slap me and say: 'kya you reading this is not happening chill-' cause i was already sobbing uncontrollably... I even whimpered the dont leave me 😬 my sadass went to bed feeling so sad thanks to suna... Man i wanted so much to hug him and i swear i would give him as much love as he gave y/n cause well i kin suna alot in this series cause im like that im a giver i treat others the way i would like to be treated (reason why ive been down lately ✌️) and i cant blame suna for finally setting boundaries- his call tho 'do i not stand a chance with you anymore y/n? Are you really not capable of falling in love with me?".... Oh suna... We are in love with you.. We always were we're just fucking stupid 😩

Also mari pls go jump off a cliff <3 youre in need dear cause sleeping with other man just to separate suna and y/n <3 i want so much to punch her 🙂🙃

Now for the love letter part (im so sorry for this being so long ✌️)

You said that if we asked suna he woukd say that he genuinely loved mari okay... Ill go ahead and say yes he liked mari he even learned how to love her and he genuinely cared for her BUT and heres where my personal view comes in so maybe ill be biased here still for me that was just a he loves her as in he cares you also love your friends and care for them but he didnt love her- and by this I mean- he could never be fully committed for her. Yes he loved her and he felt happy with her but like track 7 proved everything he would do in the back of his mind was y/n he deeply wished Mari was her and for that he just loved Mari cause he learned how to care about her- but he never forgot who he trully was in love it. Also the happiness he experienced with Mari was pretty much the one I experienced the bliss of having someone there and that bliss also made suna turn a blind eye to all the red flags from Mari cause to him all the jealousy meant she cared and thats toxic but suna was so desperate for some sort of 'she cares' that even all the possessiveness was bliss for him... And that makes my heart clench for suna...

'suna had to put an effort for the relationship' and saddly i feel like mari didnt... Mari didnt care mari was there because she was a fangirl of suna and got lucky, the way she just discarded him so effortlessly that proved-screamed how much she loved him- she didnt. She was just possessive over him she liked the whole 'hes mine' dynamic and suna was the perfect boyfriend cause he was giving her the world... What he wanted someone to do for him.

Also yeah suna and y/n might have been spurred from them being fuck buddies but well love doesnt really have an agenda- they just clicked, understood each other and had chemistry yeah they had tons and tons of sex but feelings started not because of sex but thanks to their deep connection... Also that dsncing scene in track 7 that alone spoke for their whole relationship- that alone is enough to defend their feelings for each other- yes it might jave started just as fuck buddies but ended up in them loving each other deeply and that is enough love after all doesnt need a perfect start. It can start out of the most stupid ways.

You said life with excitement and fun wouldn't be permanent or real.. Honestly i think it could be.. Cause i mean when you love someone that deeply your life always feels exciting even with the littlest things and that the purest kind of love. Even just going for a walk at the beach would be fun for them or even staying up watching movies i believe suna and y/n would always find a way to make their lofe exciting without much effort.

Also it kinda makes me. Sad when i see some anon saying that y/n and suna relationship are toxic? It makes me. Confused maybe because I was in such extremely toxic one (girl i sweat if you search for toxic relationship my ex's face will be there as an example 🙄) that Mari to me screams toxic! Possessive, manipulative, jealous and a few more if I think closely about it while with y/n and suna they are just two idiots that are hurting each other cause they're just that: idiots one that is afraid to get hurt and the other that keeps hoping- dont get me wrong what they're doing is not healthy but i dont find it toxic honestly

Sorry for the extreme long rant 8D I tried to keep it short but you always make me so hyped to talk about your works 😩

Hfbfbfhfhfieia

[ from saeren ]

NAHHH CUZ I LOVE TSUMU SO MUCH HERE HE WAS SO PRECIOUS. I didn’t write too much about them in college but Atsumu was so cute when he crushed on YN. he was always sending her memes and cute texts like “have you eaten” “good morning” and she’d feel so awkward because she doesn’t know how to let him down easy without hurting him. either way tsumu would feel hurt. AND YES PLS HE WAS SO SAD I MEAN, HIS CRUSH AND HIS BEST FRIEND NEARLY HAD SEX RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM SO THAT’S GOING TO HURT

SUNA AND ATSUMU TIED?? tbh I loved that dancing scene bcos suna is one of my faves and I really wanna do that with him hehehhehe. NAHHH PLEASE SAME IF SUNA DANCED WITH ME AND MADE A WEDDING PLAYLIST I’D BE LIKE boy what’re u waiting for let’s get married now !! n yes he said whoever YN will choose in the future will be one lucky guy IM SOBBING RN

naur cuz. there’s something about dating your best friend. I’m not saying a boyfriend wouldn’t know you as well but there’s something different when you’re best friends first. they could literally share eye contact and have a long ass conversation just from that. their connection is different.

HAJKALA AS FOR THE POWER, BR! YN IS A VERY CHARISMATIC AND FRIENDLY PERSON !! she’s like one of those people you meet that not only are they attractive as hell, but they’re also super approachable and down to earth. that’s why she’s so popular + she’s flirty and can make a stranger feel welcome or comfortable in the first meeting. SGSHJAK I WAS ACTUALLY PLANNING TO ADD OIKAWA HERE BUT I WANNA MAKE IT MORE INARIZAKI CENTRED

the seggs scene with kita SOBSSSS he’s such a soft dom IDC he knows where the clit is, he knows how to hit it. he’s a “your pleasure first before mine” type of guy. kita is perfect, PERIODT. HE GIVES DADDY VIBES HUH AHSKAA HE’S SO SWEET YET SEXY IM IN LOVE WITH HIM ISTG IF SUNA WASN’T OUR BEST FRIEND THEN I’D RUN FOR KITA ALL THE TIME. and I agree, kita deserves the best !! and don’t worry, I actually plan on giving kita the best ending, I promise you he’ll be fine (slight spoiler there)

YESSSSS OMG I’VE BEEN REJECTED BEFORE AND THAT’S EXACTLY HOW I FELT, MY BODY WAS SO COLD AND I WAS SO CONFUSED LIKE IT MAKES YOU THINK. am I not good enough, did I do something wrong, do you not wanna give me a chance or try it out but ofc I’d never say that out loud. AND KYAAA AAAH IM YOUR FAVORITE WRITER??? NO CUZ YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY. I remember ur asks way back reckless era and you used to tell me that my writing made you picture the scenes easily and you felt you were there in that moment and I’m just so grateful thank you so much <33

NO BCOS WHEN SUNA SAID “prove it” I was like. this is it. that’s his hot boy shit moment. man’s has had enough of being thrown from one toxic relationship to another and he also deserves his good moments yknow. and you kin suna here?? BESTIE IM SORRY TO HEAR THAT, SUNA’S BEEN THROUGH A LOT HERE AHSJAKA. that’s true about suna tho !! he’s definitely affectionate + a giver. he’s happy being the one who gives most of the time but he’s a human as well, ofc he’d want to receive the same amount of love back. ALSO HIS PHONE CALLLLLL ugh tbh that part was the one that made me the saddest bcos he’s just. he wants to know if there’s really no more chance. all this time he never gave up. but he’s also tired so if yn says ‘no more’ then he’ll give up. its his way of respecting himself too ahsjaka

YOOOOO I AGREE WITH THAT. he cares for mari as a person but not 100% as a lover. but ofc he’s still thankful for how happy she made him because she was there at his worst. and that’s true, deep down suna still wishes that it was YN who’s right beside him. he will always ALWAYS want her back. he learned how to love mari in a way that was more out of mutual care but not in the way he loves YN. no that’s reserved only for YN – she will remain no 1 in his heart. AND YESSSSS the reason why suna overlooked the red flags was bcos to him, its something that was supposed to be “normal” like no perfect partner existed. he thought mari’s attitude of pushing YN away was normal, and its normal to want your partner’s best friend keep some distance but not to the point of mari’s place where she literally wants the two of them to cut each other out of their lives.

and aww I’m so happy that you realized how I wanted to portray suna and yn’s relationship. they’re….like the definition of youth in its freest form. they were fucking around and doing stupid things, but they had a connection. they had something deeper than just sexual intimacy. even if they never dated or even if YN never proposed the idea of it, they would’ve actually been still great friends. and oooh I actually don’t remember saying life with excitement and fun wouldn’t be real HAHAHAHA so I can’t comment further on that. but I think when I ‘said’ those I probably meant that it’s not always going to be all rainbows and unicorns in a relationship. there’s no such thing as a relationship that’s always happy and sweet 24/7, but ofc it can be sweet and it can be pure even with the little things <33 they just need to work on it.

hmmm tbhhhh… suna and yn are toxic in a way that they refuse to let each other go when they clearly can’t meet halfway. toxic doesn’t have to be limited in just being mari-like in which they are possessive or manipulative, because then if we’d drive deeper into yn’s personality, then she’d be stringing suna all along and that’s unfair of her. she knows suna wants more and yet she remained being friends with him, which totally isn’t a bad thing, but it’s because she keeps flirting with him and is so romantically comfortable with him that she doesn’t realize it’s hurting suna because he’ll give double meanings to that. their relationship is ‘toxic’ because they’re not entirely good for each other, they’re not that ready to be with one another yet and neither is the world letting them be in peace, so forcing their relationship to a point they’re hurting another is the toxic part.

[ from @kyriaan ]

Ah also not me feeling all proud and mushy cause my analysis made you mind blown fjfbdnsjdkpa 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I guess its also because i see this story as a really big mirror of my own toxic relationship sonits extremely easy for me to get it... And oh boy the way i kin suna here

But dhdhfjdospdhfbsoa 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i feel happy now *huggles*

[ from saeren ]

and aah yes ofc, I’m really happy whenever someone can see the underlying details I scatter throughout the story !! yeah omg same hahahaha broken records is also half inspired by the toxic people I’ve met. I kin kita here tho and I’m so glad you’re happier now !!

#asks with naoya's trophy wife #series ( broken records )#tw: toxic

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bbnibini · 4 years ago

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PSISLY: An Obey Me!CYOA – forty-eight🔖

tw: this is really angsty and talks about toxic relationships, as well as very very negative thoughts. If that isn’t your thing, please skip this ending route and just read the epilogue/good ending

You felt relief--as if someone pulled you out of the darkness looming in your thoughts---that perhaps you were not as evil as you thought you were, not as vile or toxic or delusional. That you were simply in love with another person, and it just happened to not be Mammon. That you were not idealising him, but your feelings had been for another all along. Perhaps there was a way to fix this, that you could save him,which was ridiculous because you were the one who pushed him into hating himself because of your misguided feelings in the first place.

You are a horrible person.

At least your thoughts said so. Mammon was asleep in your arms, his face dried with his own tears but you can only think of the person who sent you the letter. It was deplorable, you know. Try as you will, you couldn't deny your heart's pitter patters at the thought that your secret admirer was out there somewhere, hidden to you in plain sight, and you felt for him the same. You looked at Mammon again and tried to will yourself to feel any feelings for him, but your own heart couldn't seem to give you an answer. Maybe you really didn't love him at all. You cared about him, at least enough to confront him about your relationship, but re-evaluating that, and hearing about how he kept such a huge secret from you only earned him your understanding, but not your affection.

Perhaps this was why he kept it from you in the first place.

Encouraging him to speak to you the truth earned you guilt feelings, and it only seemed to cling to you at his every word.

"Little D No.2 told me a classmate found something in their locker that belonged to me. It looked like my handwriting and it was addressed to you." he was stuttering at every word as you tried to stop his tears, but they only continued to fall. "I didn't know how to process it. We were so happy, but…it always felt like I was a fraud, y'know? You tell me I'm all these wonderful things, but I can't seem to see it. Now it's finally making sense."

"Mammon."

"Did you at least love me, even a little bit, as me? Or was it always him ?"

How could you ever answer that? Everything was so new to you, it was all confusing. Your mind continued scrambling over your feelings for both of them but it only seemed to fluctuate, from feelings of pity for the one who had lost you, to hopeless pining for the one you couldn't ever have.

You tried to convince yourself that it's all wrong, that perhaps you're only deluding yourself, for it's impossible to fall in love with a person you don't even know. You thought about Mammon again, and it only stung your eyes.

What the hell do you call our relationship then? he asked you in your vivid imagination, carrying the cursed facade he urged himself to become. You loved Mammon then, with all his undiscovered layers, his multifaceted sides, although not his, was endearing to you. Then, that Mammon changed back to the one everyone knew and loved, with his trademark sunglasses and devilish smirk, handing out to you his own letter. His own feelings you've never had a chance to read for yourself.

You wondered if you'd still fall in love with him if you read his actual letter.

Wait.

Still?

You gently laid Mammon down on your lap as you reached out for the letter on your drawer. It was well-kept, its scent now faint from rereading one too many times. The carnations on its corners were now a light pink, a part wrinkled and deformed from the tears that fell down your eyes when you chose to read it one particularly bad day, as it was your only solace at that time. Swallowing, you bit your lips and opened the envelope, greeted by your mysterious admirer's elegant handwriting. You read its passages again to affirm that silly slip of your mind, a hope that perhaps you're mistaken, that maybe you can still love the demon who didn't want you to leave him, but ah. Your heart was a mess again as you read the letter's passages. His heartfelt words. His love. A weird clumsiness there that spoke of propriety but gave something else away.

You thought you would discover something new, something that would make you feel human again in your rereading, but oh what a joke.

Whoever you are, Mr. Secret Admirer, please come out. You hoped for him to save you from being sunk into your ocean of denials, your growing feelings for him, an unknown that you wanted so much to be another person. To be Mammon. Why couldn't it be Mammon? He would understand, wouldn't he? He didn't seem to want any reciprocation on your part when he wrote it to you, but the thought of never knowing him ached your heart. Aren't you arrogant enough to decide who you should love? Now that Mammon was hurt by you, are you moving to your next target? Are you that much of a self-absorbed bitch?

You felt tears stinging your eyes as more self-deprecating thoughts filled your head. It pointed fingers at you and laughed at you, calling you many names you thought you had already forgotten--a distant memory of your past that still carried its remnants in the scars of your heart.

This is why he killed you.

They only see Lilith in you.

You hurt the only person who loved you. Aren't you spoiled?

No!no!no!No!no!no!No!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!no!

How many apologies have you made your entire life, sorrys spoken despite not knowing what you have done? How true were the cruel words spouted at you when they thought they couldn't be heard? How deep were the wounds that festered and left ugly scars? How trivialising did you turn every sleepless night in daily conversations out of fear that no one will ever care?

How deserving are you of love that you would deny it to someone who truly loved you? For what? Feelings for an unknown you weren't even sure of? Was it even worth the risk? Perhaps it was a prank? Perhaps the author of your beloved letter would come out of hiding one day and take his words back, what would you do then? And for what reason would the hurt you caused Mammon then if your unrealised feelings amounted to nothing?

Why couldn't you just love him?

Your eyes hurt with how much you were rubbing it dry. Washing your face did little to hide its puffiness. You were tired of crying and feeling sorry for yourself, especially when you deserved it.

You wanted to make things better. Even if everything hurt, even if it was presumptuous of you to do so. Even if your heart screamed for you to follow it, to abandon all logic and find him. You wanted to tell him how much his words saved you, how much you think about him every day, how you wondered why you never noticed him and how you felt bad about that, how much you wanted to get to know him. How wonderful he was. How much he made you laugh with his clumsy awkwardness. How prettily he weaved his words. How happy you were to be loved by him, and…perhaps, how much you might love him back.

But you couldn't do that. You don't deserve to be happy. You don't deserve to meet him. You don't deserve a choice, especially if the one you thought you loved was hurting because of you.

You would rather see Mammon happy than follow your heart. You cared for him enough to let “him” go.

You

sorry if i made a new group chat for this but, i don't want mammon to see this. im really sorry for worrying you all. youre right, something IS wrong between us, and i want to stop hurting him.

You

especially you, satan. thanks for the wakeup call. i will take care of things from here.

You

the student council needs someone to stay overnight in the classrooms, right? can i please do it?

You

mammon and i need some space. he's clinging to someone who's hurting him, and that someone is me. i want to re-evaluate my feelings for him. he deserves that at least and i need all of your help.

You

this is probably a really selfish request, but please look after him. ugh this sounds really cheesy but he needs that right now. bcs of me, he wants to be another person he's not which is ridiculous now that im rethinking it. wow i can't believe the shit ive been spouting for the past few weeks. im sorry for being an ass. i don't deserve all of your forgiveness. hecc you don't have to grant that to me.

You

i just want him to be happy again.

You were afraid of checking the replies. It said the six of them already read your message and that most of them were typing a response right now but you didn't want to see it. Not right now. Any affirmation that you're a horrible person is something you couldn't handle just yet.

But that method is for cowards. If you hurt Mammon with the truth, then it's your turn to face it as well. The truth everyone else could see but you couldn't. The lies protecting you and sparing your feelings--it needs to end.

Satan was the first to type out a response. Contrary to your really low expectations, he treated you the same way he always did.

Mammon was still asleep in your room once you came back. He looked peaceful now, snoring softly as he cuddled your blanket and muttered something incomprehensible to himself. You sat at the unoccupied side of your bed and parted the hair that blocked his eyes.

"I'm sorry for everything, Mammon. My feelings are a mess right now and I will only hurt you if we stay like this." you sighed. What's the use of telling this to someone asleep? He couldn't even hear you.

"I think…I love him, whoever he is. I don't know. Maybe I'm deluding myself." you pulled your hand away. "I'll get my shit together and reject you properly. You deserve to be happy, Mammon. And I'm sorry I couldn't give you that.

Thank you for loving me."

💌💌💌

"I'm amazed you went out of your room when there's an event for Faith's Restoration Order right now."

"...you have a talent for teasing, has anyone ever told you that?" Levi blushed brightly beside you as he placed the plastic bag at a nearby armchair. "If you already know why I'm here, can't you at least shut up and leave me alone?"

"Yes, ma'am!"

He rolled his eyes and made a gesture of leaving the room.

"Have fun hanging out with ghosts, normie! I'm leaving."

"I'm joking! I'm joking!" you pulled him back to the empty classroom so you can sit with each other while you had your microwave dinners.

Everyone (sans Mammon and Lucifer) offered to go with you to RAD to carry your stuff while you're setting up "camp" (if you can call class A's classroom as the outdoors, that is). Lucifer wanted to go as well, (something about telling you the school regulations, and placing an anti-ghost barrier since RAD ghosts were notoriously NOISY) but his "just a cold" was apparently a 40 C fever so he was forced to stay bedridden. Satan immediately volunteered to fill in his shoes for obvious reasons, while the others were in their oddly competitive phase again that you couldn't understand. Demons, seemed to be the only logical reason and it made sense so you decided not to question it anymore (especially if they determined their birth order by power level like some generic shounen manga. Pfft. Demons. ).

Class A's classroom was filled with the scent of brimstone in the air (because of Satan's numerous spell castings) making it not a very ideal place to eat dinner, so you ate with Levi in Class B's instead. Beel wanted to stick around too, until he was enticed by Satan's promise of extra portions so Levi was the last one to leave. With how much you've known your dorky best friend however, you figured he had something to say to you and the others read the room and left the both of you alone. Judging by how much he was fidgeting in his seat, your assumptions appeared to be correct.

"Hey, uh…I heard from Satan. Are you…okay?"

Oh .

"...honestly?" you couldn't help but laugh. "This is probably the worst day ever-- err. Second worst day. Nothing can top being killed by Belphie. That was wild."

"Hey--"

"Joking, joking! Jeez. You look really serious. I'm fine, Levi."

Without a word, a paper bag landed on your lap. Levi, who was still looking down, muttered something that you needed to ask him to repeat the third time(his voice was too soft!).

"I'm returning this."

"Ruri-chan!" you looked at the figure box in awe. "But…I already gave this to you."

Levi shook his head. "I can't accept it." Seeing your confusion, he explained. "I was the one who told you it's Mammon who sent the letter even if I didn't even confirm if he really wrote it. After all that weird Gentlenormie shtick Mammon got cursed into, isn't it unfair? You can hate me if you want. Here, have my cheek! Then maybe my other one too! Slap it really hard and--"

He was babbling! Oh bless his heart.

How could you forget how these demons cared for you? Those looming dark thoughts in your mind were slowly disappearing, not in its entirety, but enough for you to forgive yourself a little. Your arms caged the otaku third born, muttering words of gratitude as tears threatened to fall yet again from your eyes. Oh, why are you such a crying mess today?

"You can keep it. It's not your fault, Levi. But thank you for telling me."

It took numerous JoJo references for him to be persuaded, but he finally accepted. "No one is blaming you or angry at you, just so you know. It's Mammon's fault too for not being honest. Satan's right. So…uhh…" he stuttered his next words, sounding muffled as he buried his face on your shoulder. "...it's ironic coming from me but…love yourself a little, okay? We're worried about both of you." From how your shoulder felt warm right now, he must be embarrassed. You felt touched that your usually non-vocal friend was sharing his true feelings for once without any ounce of self-deprecation. You can feel how much he cared for you, and with just that, you already felt that you weren't so bad of a person after all.

Talking with Levi reminded you how there are many forms of love, and it didn't matter what kind you felt for Mammon, what mattered was that you loved him. Was this the truth you've been blind to all along? Was this what Satan had been wanting to tell you?

"I love you, Levi."

"Wha--" he sputtered. "Wh-where did that come from? Hey, this isn't funny, you know?!"

Not hearing his protests, and only overwhelmed by your epiphany, you tightened the hug and spoke again.

"You're the bestest friend anyone could ever ask for. I love you, and I love everyone in Lamentation too!"

You felt him tremble at your words, his arms shyly hugging you back as he muttered. "Even Mammon?"

Yes, you were certain now. This was the answer you're seeking for. With newfound confidence, you answered him back. "Especially Mammon."

Silence. A very long embrace--something he was trying to get used to, especially for a love-starved you. "I'm going to break up with him."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah…"you ruffled his head. "It's for the best, isn't it?"

Levi didn't answer immediately, and once he did, he sounded unsure. "Do you love Mammon?"

"Yeah, but not in the way he wants me to." you replied immediately. Now that you had a clearer picture of your feelings for Mammon, the answer came naturally to you. "I can't be unfair to him. He's…out there, you know? I want to find him."

"Find? The letter sender?"

"I love him," you reasoned. "I feel so horrible for being so happy that he actually exists! That I was not idealising Mammon, that…he's real. I'm not imagining him, and he loves me. His words saved me." you hugged him tighter. "Oh, Levi. It feels like I've known him forever!"

"..."

"Levi?"

When you attempted to pull away from him, he didn't let go. Instead, he stuttered out a clumsy reply. "What if he's not what you think he is? What if you'll be disappointed again? What if you will get hurt? You should really reconsider-"

"I have a feeling I won't." you expected this reaction from him; he was always too cautious to the point of paranoia. Too self-conscious. Pacifying him however, was another matter. "I don't know. It's my gut. Like…we've been waiting for each other and this is my last chance to be with him. It's crazy isn't it? I don't even know him, but I feel like we'd hit it off right away! Now that I think about it, it kind of feels like us, huh? Levi?

Are you sulking?"

His unwillingness to part with your arms was already telling of his answer. You couldn't help feeling smug. "Is someone jealous?"

"Sh-shut up!"

"You do know that you'll always be my Lord of Shadow, right?"

"OMG, you're ruining the moment. Keep your mouth shut and stop pointing it out!"

"I want to see your face~"

"No."

"No one will ever take your place, you know~"

"OH MY GOD YOU'RE SO ANNOYING. CAN'T YOU JUST STICK TO THE SCRIPT?"

"But it's Sherlock's job to be the crazy one, Watson."

"No role-playing."

"Come to think of it, we never finished our D&D session."

"YAMETE KUDASTOP"

You lost it when he started to laugh. Since you were sharing the same brain cell most of the time, you couldn't help but laugh as well. It was cathartic. You missed this. You will miss this.

"I don't want to go back."

"Lucifer will get mad at you if you don't."

You shook your head. You were now facing each other, sharing laughs and smiles like your usual days at RAD. "I meant the human world."

"Oh…"

"Just kidding." but not really. You just didn't want to bring up yet another elephant in the room. Everyone had too much shit to deal with right now.

"If you stay here any longer, the raid will be finished. Isn't Solomon participating for that rare drop or something?"

"That fucking whale."

"Go. Kick his ass!"

And so you've heard his infamous OOOOOHHHHHS on dance battles when he was pumped up. You snorted.

"I'LL KEEP YOU UPDATED ON MY RANKINGS. WATCH ME PULVERISE THAT NORMIE"

"Mhm! I'm gonna retweet every post."

"Distract him with chain messages-"

"Oh, you bet I'm gonna keep texting him at the speed of light!"

"I shall bear thee only good news on the morrow."

"Tally ho! Make this old friend of yours proud!"

Despite your support however, your limited data connection at RAD, as well as Solomon's silence indicated your sabotage had been a failure. And to make matters worse, the said son of a gun mockingly responded to you near the end of the boss raid.

Huh? He wasn't replying anymore. Judging from the raid's usual patterns, he must be messing with Levi right now. You texted Levi a few emojis, hoping it conveyed your full emotional support and he only sent a "T__T" back. Guess it's Solomon roasting hours for the next pajama night, huh. Again. Asmodeus would be thrilled.

Got to say though, annoying Solomon and being toxic online with Levi had distracted you from the gravity of your situation. While simmering in your own thoughts is great, if those thoughts only consisted of negativity and self-hatred, then you'd want to have a temporary escape--needless to say, it was a welcome distraction. You hoped the next few days away from the House of Lamentation would be as well. You decided to put off doing the other rounds for the booths once you wake up, and instead contented yourself with fiddling with the makeup kit that Asmo had prepared for you. It was sweet of him to buy you the lipstick you wanted so much, not helping but wonder how he remembered something you said so long ago.

"I don't know, this colour doesn't look good on me. Oh, it would be better if Asmo were here!"

Honestly? You looked like a clown. 👁️👄👁️

Try as you might to fix your look, it only got worse(must be the puffy eyes not helping too). If you place another layer of eyeshadow on your eyelids, you would be the entire circus.

Actually, you felt like you're the entire circus already. You had the clown look down to a tee, and everyone around you was laughing at your every move. Fuck. You are an actual clown right now--

Shit. You're dreaming.

For some reason, Levi was juggling Ruri-chan figurines at one corner, while Asmo was raving about how he's the "prettiest bearded lady ever". You saw some familiar faces in the crowd, an amused Luke clapping and absorbing everything he saw with vivid cheer, and a flustered Simeon trying to calm him down. A parallel of their dynamic was also observed with the excitable Lord Diavolo, cheering for Lucy the Lion to jump the ring of fire, while Barbatos repeated his pleas for his liege to keep his voice down in futility. The sadistic ring master Solomon, calling you and everyone else as his toys, commanded you to "be more funny", and when you didn't oblige, cold water was splashed at you. Ah! Mammon almost fell from the tightrope! That was a close call! From another corner of the room, you saw Satan turn visibly green after doing multiple aerial tricks at the flying trapeze; Belphie was often woken up by him, as the youngest sibling kept falling asleep when he was about to catch him. Will he wake up or will Satan die? Their acts were easily the most anticipated at the circus. Beel was supposed to be the elephant balancing on a ball, but got distracted by a bag of peanuts from the audience and had to be removed from the main acts.

"Do something funny, clown!" the crowd booed at you as you continued gawking. You felt cold all over thanks to the water, that even when you hugged yourself and tried to rub your hands, you only felt number and number. The boos got louder, and more water was thrown at you until you've had enough of that and you couldn't help but say,

"Can't a clown have their rights?!"

…then you suddenly felt really warm and woke up, seeing a blanket wrapped around you.

A hooded figure backed away and attempted to flee, but you responded quickly and grabbed his arm.

…he's warm. Really warm. Feverish even.

"Who are you?" you glared at him, and he only struggled to get away from you and didn't answer.

"Silence huh? You're one stubborn ghost.

Wait. There can't be a ghost here. What are you?"

The hooded figure seemed hesitant, but with no ways to escape, he finally spoke to you. "You're right. I am a ghost and you're still in a dream."

Oh. That makes sense. If he's a ghost and you can touch him in this empty classroom, then he might just be right. Even so, you didn't let him go. He was too suspicious. "And, what are you doing out here, ghost?"

You couldn't see his face as it was too dark.

"Are you trying to kill me-"

"Never! I would not let anyone do that again!"

Again? This ghost says some weird stuff.

"You looked really cold, so I…"

Come to think of it, besides your exposed fingers that was grasping his arm, you felt really warm and comfy. "Oh, thanks. I didn't know ghosts can touch physical objects. Wow, this dream is weird."

"...I won't leave. Please warm your hands. They're freezing."

True to his word, the feverish ghost sat on the floor and faced you. You couldn't tell his expressions, but he did seem uneasy since he was looking at every corner of the room.

"Mr. Ghost, aren't you cold? You can share the blanket if you want.

Ghost?"

"...you are far too defenseless." He sounded angry. "Why must you ask a ghost that? What if I curse you?"

"Woah okay, no sharing the blankets then, sheesh. You can't even benefit from a blanket so why so mad, bro?"

"It's a dream so it doesn't have to make sense."

Ohh, he has a point.

"I haven't seen a human like you here for centuries. Your aura is strange as well. Ah! I'm not going to possess you, so please put that holy water down. I only meant that it's dangerous for you to be here alone, you know."

"That's why he put a lot of barriers here. To protect me."

"He?"

"My friend. His name is Satan."

For a ghost, he didn't hover much, and he didn't seem to pull any pranks. Instead, he listened to you, and sometimes even felt concerned for you. Rather than a ghost, he felt like a friend you've known for a very long time.

"Oh, I heard that name before. He and his brothers are famous around here--the Seven Rulers of Hell. They're really powerful."

"Yeah, powerful and kinda dumb."

"Is it okay for you to say that?"

"Yeah, it's fine because if they're dumb, I'm a complete moron."

"Probably not as dumb as a ghost that gets colds. You're good."

"Pfft!"

It was easy to talk to him; he didn't judge you for your opinions, and listened to you with undivided attention. At times, your gut told you that you know this ghost man, that this isn't the first time you've ever had a conversation with each other, that his warmth and kindness felt awfully familiar.

"I wonder what you were like when you were alive? You seem really calm for a ghost."

"My life isn't very interesting. I might have even forgotten about that already, perhaps that's why."

Was it a sore topic? Probably not. You couldn't hear any bitterness in his voice, in fact, it felt like he was at peace.

"What about you? There must be a reason why you're here.

I understand if you won't share them with me, I'm sor--"

"I needed to get away," you said, wrapping yourself closer to your warm blanket. "Though I suppose ghosts can't relate. You don't have any more mortal worries to think about."

"That's not true at all," he reassured you. "Being a ghost opens up another load of worries. You're fine the way you are."

"You say that as if you know me."

"...you're right. I'm sorry, I don't know you at all."

Wait. Where did you hear that before?

"Will you visit my dreams again?"

"Probably not. It's for the best."

Oh. You couldn't help but feel disappointed.

"Even if I want to see you again?

A-are you okay?! That was a really loud impact!"

How the hell could this ghost not pass through objects?! Is he really a ghost?! At least act like a normal ghost in your own dreams, sheesh!

"I'm…fine."He reassured you. "I wasn't able to see the armchair--

You're way too close."

"And you're really hot. Your forehead's a furnace!"

The ghost spluttered and put a hand between the two of you. "I have already told you, I am a dumb ghost who can catch colds, so if you value your health, please don't get too close to me."

"Have you ever kissed a clown? In this angle, I can just push you down and--"

"ENOUGH!"

He felt warmer, hiding his face completely under his hood. "Please move away."

"Not until you agree I'll see you again."

"I cannot control your dreams."

"But you haven't even tried yet!"

"You're being ridiculous."

"So what? This is my dream! If I want to see you again then I could, couldn't I?"

"It's not funny!"

"I apologise. I couldn't help it. You're the most amusing human I have ever talked to. You have touched this old soul's heart, enough perhaps to finally depart for the afterlife.

Don't look so disappointed; it was a mere jest. I have some time left to spare. If you would have me, then I would be happy to keep you company."

You only said those words because he seemed like he was about to leave---but with his promise of company, your heart calmed down. You've had several conversations with that weird mellow ghost who couldn't do his job properly; a presence, though surreal was something you badly needed,someone who didn't know you at all but felt the opposite. You talked like age-old friends in that cold and empty classroom, growing familiar with his laughter, the shadow of a smile under his hood he refused to take off. A kind, and sometimes seemingly all-knowing worldliness that was almost ethereal. Then again, he was a ghost, so you supposed it was fitting for his personality.

"...I see. A love for an enigma you've only known through penned words, and a love you wanted to feel for someone who held you dearly. That is a difficult situation. Is that why you have claimed this space as your temporary dwelling?"

You nodded. "It's better to keep my distance from Mammon for now. If I act kindly, won't he misunderstand? I don't want to give him false hope. He deserves better."

"You're not angry that he kept things from you?"

"Eh?"

"Ah?

Did that thought perhaps, never cross your mind?"

"No…should I be angry?"

The ghost sighed to himself and you felt his warm, feverish breaths next to you. "Honestly, what was I expecting? If you could be friendly with a ghostly invader from your dreams, of course such an ill thought would never cross your mind."

The moonlight illuminated through the classroom's windows, casting a pale yellow light that revealed your new friend's warm smiles.

"You're lovable like that, I suppose."

...huh?

Did your heart just skip a beat? And why did he remind you of someone just now?

"Your blanket had come undone. Wait, allow me."

Unusually warm was the ghost of a man standing closely beside you. He wrapped the blanket back around you and you realised you couldn't breathe, intoxicated by the beauty of his smiles. His touches were light, as if trying his all to not make contact with you, proper and gentlemanly, almost to the point of stuffiness.

"There. You're warm again."

!!!

Why didn't you realise sooner?

...why did you feel like crying?

"An argument is one thing, but this is quite a reckless decision. Sigh. What am I going to do with you?

You must take better care of yourself."

A gentle hand that stroked your head, his familiar warmth. His voice. His gestures. Even his scolding. Why did it feel like you know this person?

And if you do, is he important to you?

...was he?

...why? Why ' was' ? Was he not important to you anymore?

"I wish I could take away all of your pain, but I could only do so much. They dragged you here without even asking if you're okay with it, and now one of them is even causing you this heartache. Not that I have the right to get angry for your sake.

It's all right to feel surfeited. Your emotions are valid, no matter what other people will say. You shouldn't force yourself to love someone. It would be cruel to both of you."

"It's you."

"I beg your pardon?"

"It is you!"

You couldn't help it. The tears just started to flow on their own.

"Wh--

!!!"

You didn't want to let him go.

"I found you…"

"..."

If this was all a dream and he isn't real, then can't he stay there with you a bit longer? You can hear his clothes rustle as he struggled to take your arms away from his body, pausing (perhaps he's looking at you, you don't know), his breath dangerously close to yours.

You don't even need to know his name. His presence, the way he carries himself, as well as the way he spoke made you certain that he was your beloved letter sender.

So why couldn't you see what he looked like even in your dream?

You could feel him resisting when you pulled him closer to you, cheeks warm on the crook of your neck.

"I think I love you..."

"This is just a dream. Mammon is waiting for you. Everyone is. You cannot stay here."

"Dream? I don't care. Why did you write that and make me fall for you when you can't even fight for me? Why? Are you going to say all that you've written is a joke?"

"It's not..."

"Then why can't you confess to me like a normal person?"

"I'm sorry."

"I love you."

Despite not being able to see him, you could feel that there was a wistful smile on his face.

"You don't even know me."

"But--"

"I do love you too. I still love you. I wish I could-- No, I should not. After all this time...even if..."

"Do we know each other?"

"This is just a dream."

"Do we know each other?!"

"...no."

"You're lying."

"...it's the truth." He looked down, finally free from the grip of your hold. "I must go. You should too. You cannot stay in a dream forever. At some point, you should start facing reality."

"..."

"I'm no good for you. I mean it. A coward who cannot even tell you his name will never be good enough. I'm sorry for hurting you."

Why does he feel so familiar then? What is this ache in your chest? You wanted to wake up and face him, maybe then you'd know why hearing him caused you to feel this way. However, sleep was beckoning you in that ridiculous dream and you can hardly strain your ears to listen to him as you felt drowsier by the second.

"...I'm sorry. Despite everything I did, I feel like that's all I could ever say to you. Forget about what you read. Yes, when you wake up, all of your sadness shall disappear. I'll make sure of it. You will be happy again. So please...

don't remember me at all--"

Why is he so sure? It's almost arrogant of him to assume for you. But the security of his words felt like he was saying things for certain, that he can actually do the impossible.

"Can't you at least tell me your name?"

"I can't …it was a short time we've known each other but I'll treasure it forever. This is just a dream, so I hope it will stay that way for you."

He talked way too much. If he's going to disappear after this dream is over anyway, then you'd rather make the most of it!

!!!

You leaned forward and felt his lips on yours, feeling the jolt on his body, startled by your gestures. However, he said one thing and did another, much like the forced propriety in his letter, he came undone in your embrace and deepened the kiss, feeling every corner of your mouth. You did the same, closing your eyes and relishing every feverish moment, unsure of time passing as you felt his warmth against yours.

It was such a shame you couldn't see his face. He must have looked lovely right now with his flushed face and his adorably confused, glazed look. Pulling away from him only initiated another kiss, and another. And another, as if making up for lost time. The ones he initiated drowned you, feverish yourself; feeling the intensity of his passions as you melted into each other.

Why did he tell you you could never work out? Your bodies said otherwise. You wanted more. To be closer to him, to get to know him, to call him by his name, to share those three words with him, to hear him say them back.

"I love you…."

You muttered out of breath as your lips parted from the numerous kisses you shared. You could hear him breathing softly beside you, yet he only answered you in silence.

The warm hand stroking your head was gone, the familiar warmth and kindness...

familiar?

Who?

When you woke up, a warm blanket was wrapped around you--one that you didn't remember having when you slept. And any remnant of someone ever giving it to you, even in a distant dream was gone...

"Hm? What's this?"

[ Obtained KEY 4: ~Receipt~ ]

>View it here

>continue to next scenario

...or so you thought.

💌💌💌

[ You have unlocked a new chatroom in MEMORIA 7. ]

💌Read it here

💌Continue to next scenario

💌masterlist

#psisly #hamartia series #interactive fiction #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me x reader #obey me fic #obey me fanfic #obey me mammon #obey me mammon x reader #obey me satan #obey me satan x reader #obey me barbatos #obey me barbatos x reader #obey me lucifer #obey me lucifer x reader #love letter #secret admirer

10 notes · View notes

angiethewitch · 5 years ago

Note

Hey i dunno if you can help but i’m aroace and writing and want the main character to be in love but don’t know what it feels like? sorry don’t wanna bother you but i’m rlly struggling

hey you're not bothering me at all! ill try to describe it the best I can, if anyone else wants to add on please do.

for me, love is safe, its a physical feeling of safety. you'll read about fast passionate love but it's really just safe. I've been abused as u may know so safety is important to me. my husband is my safe place, I feel safe with him.

I feel like i can tell him anything without judgement.

he is also my best friend. he's the only person I can tell everything to. he is the only person I can sit in silence with for hours without feeling uncomfortable or awkward, like I have to fill in that silence. he's the only person i feel 100% relaxed with. I don't feel self conscious, I can be myself, my authentic self. I know I won't be judged, laughed at, picked on. we can laugh about anything. on the flipside, if i have a problem with him or something he does, i know I can bring it up to him without fear. Im not afraid to disagree with him. we have a lot of disagreements, but they rarely turn into arguments, because I trust him to not yell at me for my opinions. im not afraid to have differing opinions. we're alike in a lot of ways, but i think our differences is what makes us special.

I trust my husband with my life, but more importantly, I trust him with myself. I can bare my soul to him, I can tell him everything wrong with me. i can show him my weird quirks. I can show him the bad parts of me without fear of rejection.

I can sit next to him and lean on him or lay on him without being tense and ready to run off. I can relax with him, and i know he won't hurt me. again, its that trust and safety.

when it comes to physical intimacy, i know that he isn't expecting a performance, he just wants to show me how he feels. its mutual, we're both on the same level. theres no power or fear there.

I feel beautiful when I'm with him. I don't have to slather myself in makeup or wear fancy clothes, he thinks I'm beautiful regardless. he makes me believe im beautiful and good and kind.

love is wanting to be a better person, for him and me. because of love, I can grow and I have a chance to develop myself. I want to be a better person, a better friend.

love is hope, hope for the future, something I hadn't felt before I met him.

love is safe, kind, and wholesome. it just FEELS good. I feel alive. its not dangerous or fast. its warm, its hopeful, its safe, its the feeling of finding a home. he is my home.

I want to live, not just go through life self destructing. I want to enjoy life, I want to get better. its something I've never had before.

that's the best I can describe it i think, but if anyone else wants to chip in, please do!

I hope this helps and good luck with your story!

#anonymous

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notthatiwilleverwriteit · 5 years ago

Note

thanks for ur as always deepful analyses and answers ! another ask for u : im soo afraid in the next chapter momo will be homophobic towards ht !! I mean except Zzx who seems at ease with his sexuality, the other boys all seem kind of homophobic. Jy called ht repulsive bc he called him pretty while he was a guy, Ht is very agressive in his advances (which i linked to toxic virility which entails homophobia) ; then both of them changed for the better bc of their feelings for another man. 1/?

Good evening, dear anon-san!

“thanks for ur as always deepful analyses and answers !”

I’m glad you’ve enjoyed them! Every time people send me questions it always makes me happy and to be honest, a bit taken aback because I’m just a little old me. But I’m glad my answers have had such a positive reception and given people food for thought. And it’s always a pleasant surprise when people feel like they can come to my ask box with their interpretations and strike up a conversation.

Homophobia is a very complex topic, and I wondered where I should start to unravel this ask. But soon I realized before I can even begin that I have to take a moment to sort out my own feelings. Whenever people say the boys in 19 Days are abusive or homophobic for whatever reason I tend to get ticked off. It’s a knee-jerk reaction, often sparked by my own bias, but something that can very easily cloud my answer and make it unfair for you. Exchanging interpretations and perspectives requires a level of objectivity and the ability to rise above your own bias. I can’t dismiss something just because it uncomfortably pokes my nerve. Instead, I should take a step back, try and see things from another point of view, and find some common ground.

I’m not saying I had to struggle to agree with you on anything but your ask certainly reminded me of how challenging yet rewarding it is to actually listen to an interpretation that differs from my own and try to objectively look at the story from that point of view. It hurts your brain at first but is surprisingly freeing in the end.

Because you addressed so many things in your ask, I will tie my answer together under the theme of homophobia and give it some structure that way. This will be my great 19 Days - homophobia edition. \(^v^)/

Sexual orientation and environment

Let’s start with the biggest context you brought up in your ask: social and cultural environment. I’m not familiar enough with Chinese culture to have anything definite to say about its attitude towards LGBT people. Of course, I’ve heard of the discrimination and even blatant hate by their government but I don’t have any idea about how ordinary, modern-day Chinese people view others with different sexual orientations. Not to mention, it’s always risky to take fictional works as an accurate representation of the milieu in which they’re set.

But I do think that 19 Days discusses homophobia in societies, though on a more general level. As Jian Yi has come to realize his feelings towards Zhan Zheng Xi, we’ve also gotten glimpses of his struggles. They’re surrounded by other kids in school, and from the very early chapters it’s been implied two guys being that close together or comfortable with that level of skinship turns people’s heads (ch. 53, 54, 55, and 57):

Of course, those panels also poke fun at the stereotype of girls being interested in cute guys being cute together. The girls stare, take pictures, and even smile knowingly. This bothered ZZX because it put him in awkward situations and created misunderstandings that would be embarrassing to correct. And the more he would try to deny and correct them, the more he would probably end up looking suspicious. But the bottom line is, he was increasingly conscious of the weird looks and attention JY’s antics were attracting and didn’t want people to get the wrong picture of his friendship with JY. All of that could give us some hints on how two boys being close might be viewed by their peers, but it should also be kept in mind that those kinds of “gay panic” moments are a big part of the humor you find in 19 Days.

Having a crush on someone of the same gender gets more serious tones after JY kissed ZZX (ch. 142)

The secret was finally out in the open. JY had carried his feelings in his heart for a long time. He had wanted to confess them so many times and often hidden them behind jokes and antics. Perhaps every time he had jumped to hug ZZX he had caught a whiff of his scent and enjoyed the feeling of him in his arms. But to take the definite last step of confessing and lifting that curtain had always terrified him. And who wouldn’t have been scared? Not only would you have to come out but also risk losing your childhood best friend. It could be JY had even thought of never telling ZZX about his feelings because it could go horribly wrong.

For a while, things are somewhat put on pause after the first reveal which I found very realistic. JY wasn’t flat-out rejected but ZZX most definitely needed a moment to sort out his own feelings. He pestered JY to be straight with him (pun not intended...) and made it clear it would be safe for JY to rely on him and free himself of the burden. Despite that JY was still very unsure if his confession won’t result in ZZX abandoning him because “gay” is abnormal and disgusting (ch. 164):

Even when JY finally confessed he was expecting to be rejected in disgust (ch. 209):

But he had sort of reached the point of just finally getting it all out even if ZZX wouldn’t return his feelings. Even if it meant they wouldn’t be friends anymore. At least he had said it. He had heartbreakingly little faith that their kind of relationship wouldn’t be completely doomed. Thank god he had fallen for someone like ZZX. I don’t think I’ve never been as grateful for a character like him before.

A tangible example of how Zhanyi and their environment collided was Xiao Hui’s character (ch. 158):

When she called JY a disgusting gay, it was the first time he was facing that kind of homophobia. Though her actions were frustrating, I think Xiao Hui’s character was a good addition to Zhanyi. At first, she lashed out both because she was hurt and publicly humiliated but also no doubt because she had internalized the idea that heterosexuality was the norm and anything else was abnormal and wrong. Later on, she had had time to lick her wounds and calm down (ch. 258):

She still has a crush on ZZX but even though she probably realizes she doesn’t have a chance she still wants a clear rejection from ZZX. It still hurts and stings but doesn’t upset her as much. It could even be she’s a little happy for them. I think Xiao Hui’s character is a good example that people are capable of changing and reflecting when they’re given a chance. And no one should be forever held accountable and punished for the mistakes they made and have since bettered themselves.

In a broader sense, I think Zhanyi also discusses what kind of future a same-sex couple could have in society (ch. 268):

That drawing on the wall is my favorite Zhanyi moment. As cute as ZZX drawing him and JY together was, it also carries some bittersweet undertones. The original drawing represents the norm: a boy and a girl in love but if there are no skirts involved, it’s a whole other story. To be open about their relationship would most probably never be an option for JY and ZZX. Something as simple as holding hands in public would take courage and threaten to complicate other aspects of their lives (school, work, family). They don’t have the same privilege as straight people to openly and safely share their feelings and have that universal experience.

Your ask was mainly about Mo Guan Shan and He Tian, but I wanted to take a moment to talk about their environment since you also referred to it. And the easiest way for that seemed to be to talk about the progress of Zhanyi. As you suggested, it does seem the society in which all of the characters live is very much heteronormative which puts pressure on the characters to fit in. And if they fail that, they will face homophobia and most probably feel the need to hide their true selves. Case in point, Zhanyi.

Boys being boys

As much as I know that phrase is deemed Problematic™ these days, I think it fits the dynamics of the boys of 19 Days. They mess with each other, and all of that is typical humor for the comic. Personally, I’ve never taken any of their teasing and good-natured bullying seriously because it’s how 15-year-old boys are around each other.

However, I just finished talking about the environment under which influences and discourses the boys have grown up. I don’t feel like I can ignore what I had just been saying and brush it off as “oh well, they’re just boys” if they’ve always been surrounded by certain attitudes. Does that mean the boys have also internalized those attitudes towards gay people despite having feelings for someone of the same sex? Does that make them a representation of toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia?

In all honesty, I’m struggling to answer those questions. On one hand, I do agree that society’s norms of what is masculine put a lot of pressure on boys when growing up. You have to act, talk, dress, and be in a certain way to be accepted, and it doesn’t take a lot for kids to internalize those ideas. And as you said, acting or looking gay (not to mention, actually being one) is probably the worst a young boy could be. Being gay is often linked to everything a proper man shouldn’t be: sissy, effeminate, sensitive, weak, submissive, on the bottom. The list goes on and on.

On the other hand, do I think you can see that in the four main boys of 19 Days? I suppose it’s possible if that’s the direction you want to take. If you look at anything through those lenses, you can probably find toxic masculinity everywhere. Do I think HT, MGS, JY and ZZX are homophobic because they possibly showcase traits of toxic masculinity? I guess. I don’t know. I see where that interpretation comes from, but some part of my brain never manages to make the full connection between those two. I’m constantly having a feeling that my way of thinking differs from your interpretation but I can’t properly validate or argue my opinions.

Perhaps taking a look at the examples you mentioned might help. You talked about JY being homophobic when this was his response to HT calling him good looking (ch. 108):

I can’t exactly deny that panel couldn’t be taken as toxic masculinity. I might even agree with you on that. I wouldn’t probably go as far as saying JY was being homophobic but it does seem like his masculinity was threatened or questioned in that situation. Interestingly, I’ve seen that phrase pop up a lot in yaoi/shounen-ai comics. Characters who are in a gay relationship don’t often feel comfortable with guys complimenting them - or even the guy they’re in love with. I’ve always wondered that. Does that mean there’s a level of self-denial in those characters or is it just a cultural thing? Does it embarrass them?

In general, I think all of that has to do with their age, and another good example of that would be ZZX and JY’s reaction to HT messing with MGS (ch. 289 and 298):

I’ve seen people calling those moments homophobic as well and can’t really agree with them. I would say those reactions have more to do with teenage boys being awkward and embarrassed. HT putting the moves on MGS in front of them is embarrassing and something they don’t wish to see. I mean, I wouldn’t want to see my friends constantly acting like that around me either. Seeing public displays of affection embarrasses me and makes me awkward as hell. (Though, I don’t know if that’s just a Finnish thing...)

In short, I see a lot of how the boys act around each other just natural to how teenage boys are. They mess with each other and standing up for yourself in that sense (for example, getting revenge, being physical, or returning the verbal teasing) is important and typical. That’s how I see JY’s words in the example you mentioned: he felt like HT was messing with him and shot back. All of that could, of course, be seen as internalized toxic masculinity, but I don’t think it’s quite as blatant as people sometimes make it out to be. I’ve always taken it as boys just being boys and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

What comes to HT being pushy and overbearing, I don’t see that being connected to toxic masculinity and making him homophobic because of that. It feels a bit of a stretch and shakey. Instead, I actually think HT is quite comfortable with both of his own feelings for MGS and the idea of same-sex relationships in general (ch. 187):

The little heart-to-hearts JY and HT occasionally have also show us that despite often making fun of each other, they can take it more seriously when needed. JY would have never asked about having feelings for another male if he couldn’t trust HT wouldn’t make fun of him.

The case of Mo Guan Shan

You talked a lot about MGS, so I thought I’d take a closer look at his character separately. You made some interesting points I’ve also been thinking about and was glad they popped up in your ask.

Since we’ve talked about toxic masculinity so far, let’s continue on that. You mentioned that MGS is prone to homophobia because he’s had to act tough. Upholding a certain kind of image is essential in gangs. Being weak and submissive - aka gay, as I talked about above - isn’t an option in that line of work.

I agree with you on all of that. Why MGS is so uncomfortable with HT being physical with him is at least partly because he can’t come across as someone who can be taken advantage of (ch. 250):

If he can be physically overpowered and made vulnerable, it means he can be submitted. In the masculine world, physical strength seems to be the final and ultimate law that settles all the disputes at the latest. And if you lose in that you’re on the bottom or at least lower on the hierarchy. Now, multiply that mentality by a lot to fit it in the world of teenage gangs and the borderline criminal underworld. So, yes, I would most definitely say MGS doesn’t want himself to be put in that situation. Much less anyone finding out about it.

Then again, the story has kind of revisited that idea when HT “joined” MGS’s gang and his underlings started seeing HT around more. And they seem somewhere between intimidated by HT and impressed their boss has managed to make someone like HT call him “brother”. That fits the same mentality of strength, but I can’t honestly see Buzzcut or other members of the gang giving MGS a hard time even if they found out about HT’s affections. Chances are, they would be even more impressed, bless them.

Overall, I think MGS lashing out (or being homophobic) is mostly due to him not trusting HT and HT slowly but surely wearing him out and making him see his own prejudice against people like HT. Yelling out insults has been the easiest way to fight HT’s affections, although it’s not proven very successful. It’s also important to remember MGS is fairly inexperienced when it comes to love and romantic affection (ch. 222):

He’s always been rejected and discriminated by his peers and over the years, he’s started to mirror that behavior and push people away. Having crushes (let alone having a girlfriend) has never really been a concern for him. And it’s not like he’s had time for something like romance anyway because working has taken so much of his time. In this regard, MGS isn’t that mature or experienced and tends to get uncomfortable and lash out very quickly.

I’ve already talked about the note and what kind of role I think it will have (if it will be addressed at all). And I’m not really worried about MGS saying something homophobic to HT. I think we’re way past of him being like “I don’t speak to a homo” at this point already. He’s been aware of HT’s affections for a good while by now and even tentatively warmed up to some of it (for example, the aquarium date and the studs). (Even though, I think it’s still too early to talk about MGS being in love with HT.)

MGS has come a long way, and I might even say he’s gained some sexuality-related maturity on the way. Slowly but surely, he’s become comfortable with having HT around, and if after all this development he would say something like that, it would be a pretty big step backward. Of course, that doesn’t mean he can’t throw insults and lash out but let’s not forget we’re talking about a purebred tsundere here. That’s always going to happen with him.

And while we’re keeping it real, it’s not like HT would pay any mind to those insults. After MGS asked for the studs, I think HT’s resolve has only strengthened.

I hope this answer makes some sense, to me it feels like a bit of a mess of this and that. A lof of “I can’t deny that but still...” You really threw some hard questions and challenged my thinking a lot. Thank you!

#19 days #tianshan #zhanyi #Jian Yi #He Tian #mo guan shan #Zhan zheng xi #answered ask

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ryncorrect · 5 years ago

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university!au: day6 sungjin

i’ve abandoned this au for so long istg my life is a mess yall please forgive but anyway im back with my bullshit and ready to spread my cringe-worthy stuff to the world again

name: park sungjin

major: practical music and arts

other activities: leader, guitarist, and vocalist of university band, president of music club, member of cooking club

park sungjin is the embodiment of leadership

i mean he’s the band leader, the club president, also the president of his class since year one, like he’s so trustworthy and responsible, literally nothing can go wrong under his sight

and even when things do go wrong (life is a bitch) he’ll still make sure everyone is fine and having the time of their lives pun intended

anyone who meets sungjin for the first time will probs say he has this tough man aura, cold,,, tsundere-ish idk

but as someone who have known each other for so long, you never understand when anyone says sungjin looks cold

you know damn well the moment sungjin opens his mouth he gonna throw dad jokes with his satoori dialect

dad jokes are fucking funny fight me

you once said sungjin should start his own comedy club

......he’s currently considering it

oh right he also talks about food all. the. time.

he joined cooking club for a reason okay

no, he can’t and doesn’t really cook he’s only there to taste food and people let him there because he’s nice and he knows how to appreciate the cooks

uh we love a man with manners

so, who is sungjin for you exactly?

he lives next door, one year older than you, was a leader even when you were little ayeee childhood friend cliche

can you imagine little sungjin leading his friends in game its so pure brb crying

you told him everything you couldn’t tell ur parents because they were busy, you asked for his advises, he made sure you were safe and happy

you still depend on him even after you two have grown up

you enrolled to the same university, took the same major with him, and even joined the clubs he’s a member of

this isn’t because you’re indecisive, it’s just that you spent so much of your childhood with sungjin that you two became similar to each other, up to your hobbies and interests and even palate lmao

that’s why he loves to eat with you because you two never argue about the menu

the only club you can’t join is the band, and that’s because jae rejected your application

reason: extremely close personal relationship with sungjin, therefore sungjin will take your side if we ever had an argument

you denied that; no, sungjin wont take anyone’s side based on feelings bc he’s a logical person and he always listens carefully to every side of the parties before he makes a decision..... but jae wont listen

brat

"you only rejected me because im a better guitarist”

“lalalalala cant hear you over my authority as the important band member”

“fuck you”

“i don’t accept offers”

anywayssss you did fail to join the band, but you’re friends with them, theyre literally so used to your company that sometimes they forgot youre not actually in the band

you and the guys teamed up for sungjin’s surprise birthday party

the surprise failed because dowoon accidentally added sungjin to the group chat

sungjin being nice and playing along anyway because he didnt want to disappoint you

and then its sungjin’s turn to ask the guys for help for your birthday party

failed again because dowoon AGAIN accidentally invited you, in person, to your own birthday party

dowoon what the heck?????

yeah its all cute and sweet but thats all of your relationship with sungjin, you treat him like a dependable brother and he treats you like his own little sister

thats what you tell to your friends too when they ask if you two are dating

they’re glad thats the case

because they have a crush on sungjin LMAOOOOO PLOT TWIST

they’re hoping they can get to sungjin through you yanno like asking you to send him snacks and letters or to tell him they say hi

you dont mind i mean you know sungjin is one admirable person ofc everyone likes him

sungjin never rejects nor accepts it hes just like “yay snacks!”

“god damn it sungjin just date any of them im tired of being a matchmaker”

“then dont?? literally no one asked you to”

little did you know that sungjin had the same problem

some of his classmates are interested in you but whenever they come to him he just says, “dont ask me i dont know anything and if i do i wont tell you”

this one sandeul guy has started asking you out and stuff

“ehhh youre so nice i’ll think about it!!”

you, immediately texting sungjin: ur friend sandeul ask me out what should i do

sungjin: do you like him tho

you: not really idk him yet

sungjin: just tell him your mom said no

you: damn nice

but this guy is so persistent and you gotta admit hes kinda cute and after a few tries you finally said yes to him

so you two went together and it was pretty fun

sungjin isnt too happy when he hears about it from sandeul

he asked you, “why didnt you tell me first?”

“well i dont think its a big deal. it was just a date anyway”

but you always told him everything

sungjin never speaks about it again

you go on another date with sandeul the week after

you tell sungjin later and he doesnt ask how it went

hes just “oh”

idk he’s kinda distant now, he rarely talks nor replies to your texts

he doesn't visit music club nor cooking club either so you don't see him often

have i told you im uncreative and all my aus are lame???

you think its probably because hes focusing for the finals, but even after it’s over sungjin doesnt really hang out with you or the band anymore like he only comes for practices and leaves right after

weirdly no one says anything about sungjin’s absence

but you cant stay quiet any longer and decide to ask dowoon whats wrong with sungjin

you shouldve known dowoon cant help much

“honestly i dont know either, maybe you should ask wonpil he’s sungjin’s roommate”

“but what if wonpil told sungjin”

“told sungjin what?”

“that i asked about him”

“asked him what?”

“...nevermind”

you asked younghyun

younghyun doesnt help either

“i dont know, just ask him yourself. i thought you were the closest to him??” why you so salty man

okay fine lets ask jae

“i’ll tell you for fifty bucks”

“dude im broke”

“then deal with it yourself”

you had no choice but to ask wonpil

“he’s just tired”

you know wonpil lied but this little shit refuses to tell anything

“please dont force me to answer i will cry really loudly and it’ll be embarrassing for the both of us”

why do you befriend them in the first place smh

oh youre right about wonpil telling sungjin that youre worried, and he does tell him to talk to you if he got something in mind

sungjins hesitant but in the end he only says, “no... its just that i didnt realize until recently that my little sister has grown up a lot”

“dear god wtf you sound like her grandma”

skip the boring part so uh a few more days passed awkwardly between you two and after your failed attempt at asking around you decide to confront sungjin in person

youre in the band practice room, the others are present, sungjin’s about to leave early as usual, and you find yourself jumping up your seat, “whats your problem with me?”

you know sungjin hates confrontation but you cant stand it anymore. you tried giving him time but if theres anything you seem to be more of a stranger to him

“i dont know what i did wrong and i wont know if you dont tell me, so let me know. i’ll listen and i’ll apologize if its my fault, but dont give me silent treatment like this. its so unlikely of you"

you can see sungjin clences his jaw as he replies calmly, "people change"

"you don't change, youre being childish. if you're mad you should talk about it. if you don't want me here you should tell me to go. if you don't like ME dating your friend you should tell me not to!!!"

drama much ryn

"youre your own person and you make your own choice, its your life and i cant keep telling you what to do or what not," and the end part kinda slips, "i don't hate you dating my friend or anyone, okay? im just not used yet to be a second person for you and im afraid youll get hurt"

"youre never?? a second person sungjin where does this idea even come from youre the only one for me i dont want anyone else???"

and suddenly there's a train of awkward coughs and you come back to your senses and you realize you're being watched

jae pretends to make a phone call, "mom pick me up im scared"

lame jae lame

dowoon mumbles, "can we,,, make an exit first before you two declare your undying love bc its privacy yanno"

you feel the heat spreading across your face as you open your mouth the same time as sungjin, both want to deny dowoon, but younghyun beats yall to it, "yeah you two are in love with each other we been know"

you and sungjin stares at each other, confused, "we don't???"

"oh honey,,, my dear,,, ive read enough sappy shit in writing club to see where this is going"

the conversation was cut there and neither of you bring it up again,

because the idea of you loving sungjin or sungjin loving you is so weird that you refuse to think about it, and so is for sungjin

but ever since that, sungjin has drastically come back to normal its almost hilarious, he spends a lot of time hanging out in the music club, practicing with the band, visiting the cooking club, making a joke here and there

sungjin is himself again with you, a caring dependable brother whom you come to whenever you need to talk or just hang out with and he always makes sure he has time for you

sap

you know hes always been like that but why does it feel different now??? the way he smiles or pulls your hand so youre walking on the inner side of the road,,, how he neatly places your spoon and chopsticks on a napkin when you two go out to eat together,,,, why

tender love baby chICKEN TENDER

mydayexol follow me

andddd so one day, someone asked you out. again.

wow ur so popular i cant Relate

you, texting sungjin: sandeuls friend jinyoung something invited me to a party next saturday should i come

sungjin, replying to you: hmm

you: ???

sungjin: i think its up to you

for some reason youre disappointed by his reply,,, but he’s right tho its your call if you wanna go then you go its not about what sungjin says

right?

right???

but suddenly you got another text: but if you ask for my opinion i would say don't go

you: actually i dont want to either lol so what should i say

sungjin: tell him you already have a date

you: nice

sungjin: with me

you: ayyeee

you: wait what

sungjin: i mean its just a suggestion

sungjin: which you can accept

sungin: or reject

for some reason you can imagine sungjin’s cheeky smile through his texts and it makes your inside tingles and you wanna giggle

so yea you thought it was a joke but he actually did take you out for a movie and dinner

it was really nice

so yanno the weird thing is that neither of you ask the other to be “official” but you just. are dating.

ur friends are mad like “bUT YOU SAID YOU TWO WERENT A THING”

“lol sry i changed my mind”

“fuck you”

“no thanks sungjin can do that... bUT DONT TELL SUNGJIN I SAID THAT hes gonna kill me”

“is he ur mom”

“basically yeah”

this sucks real bad but who cares

not me obviously

ill be back soon (or not) with dowoon’s one lets hope i can do better than this dnsjfsndfj lnjajnfdjs lmAO I LOVE YALL AND HAPPY NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE

#day6 #sungjin #park sungjin #day6 imagines #day6 scenarios #day6 fanfic #day6 reactions #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop reactions #im sorry sungjin #ive put this on hold for too long i already forgot what i wanted to write in the first place #bye

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theskyexists · 4 years ago

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Jeeze

I've only seen one Christmas movie before in truth - and that was AWFUL - like, the second hand embarrassment was insane - and in the end she....kinda swapped her boyfriend for his brother? Lol. I enjoyed it for how awful it felt to watch and how the whole family bullied the main character because she was so socially inept/insecure. The escalation was incredible and the catharsis was uh....death. That has given me the impression that Christmas movies are all about dealing with family and relationship and personal problems and the way those three interact this movie really seems to be in that tradition - and I like it.

It's amazing how fucked up Harper's family is and it's amazing how much rejection and disdain and indifference and being left behind Abby is having to take. Like - damn. She's gonna have to express that soon or things will BLOW. Harper is being very stupid and selfish but I understand completely how it might come to this.

I love the chemistry between Abby and Riley - it's such a breath of fresh air - it's a GREAT contrast with the suffocating toxicity of Harper's family and their circles and etc.

Oh Harper - you fuckin dick

It would be funny if she lost her second girlfriend whom she's hiding from her family and throwing under the bus to her first girlfriend who she hid and threw under the bus.

I mean tragic of course. But I'm feeling slightly spiteful.

Kstew has SUCH great hair in this my god!

Harper you fuckin dick

I know exactly how this feels and it feels AWFUL

Harper you IDIOT you're risking your relationship you're risking it alllll

Also Abby is kinda an idiot' for lying the whole time. She's either a great liar or really Harper is wanting to believe her lies

Harper is clearly so stupid and scared all the time and also an asshole because of it. She has no space in her brain beyond : gotta make sure I make my parents proud & gotta make sure nobody finds out im gay

No band width

If I was Abby I'd be like - ok BYYYYEEEEE

Just to make her feel what she's breaking

Oh! She's actually trying to do that. Sucks u came here in your gf's car

Yes!!!! Go to her ex the only one who's treated you decently!!! HAHAHAHAHA

Jezus christ this mother....

AND hypocrisy about exes from Harper too.

Oh how the fuck could this turn out well for them ever???

LOVE how them being buddies is eating her. What has she told Abby???

Oh my god that break up HURT like HELL - so quick, so deserved, so tragic, so stupid, so awful. What a great shot. Great director.

Yeah Harper I get the shitty situation you're in but you haven't done enough I'm afraid. I mean, what the fuck was that with the friends and with Connor and letting her family and friends dismiss her roommate which means FRIEND. Yeah cos she's been trained to, yes bc she's working on 2 % brain power and the rest is spent on being afraid. BUT WHO WAS HURT IN THIS SITUATION

Yeah but it's hard not to offer comfort to a person you love when they're in pain

Ofc the fuckin sister comes in

The way they never have any privacy is really the problem

Oh god John - WHY. No no no I can't get through THIS part

'no one's supposed to know yet - we had an agreement' ???????

This is going to be........... Disastrous. Isn't it. Oh I am preparing myself in order to ENJOY these shitty parents' downfall and not feel the second hand lash of the whip

Do love how them being such shit parents sure is finally blowing up in their faces. HOORAY.

(agghhhhhhhhhhhhgggh)

Wow Sloane. Harper get her back. Just rip it all to shreds

Oh no. Nope. Harper fuckin hell. Please don't do denial. Just tell them that uhhhh her husband is cheating (is that what was happening?)

Oh NOOOOOOOOOOO

No!!!!

*office gif I can't find* NO!!!!! NO!!!

I can't seem to continue the video. Ok harden my heart. Just . Good practice. Harden heart.

Oh it keeps going. Oh fuck.

Welp. Guess you've lost it all. After all. Idiot.

Ah she was trying to go there but she never got there because she went denial first and that unexpectedly sounded really terrible. Yeah that's realistic. So in character so far. Thinks things will be simple and doesn't even imagine the hurt it causes others.

Liked the little shot of Sloane being like hmmm.....that didn't feel as good as I thought it would.

Damn these children are all horrifically stunted. Except Jane.

Jane is really wonderful and my heart hurts so much for her and she made me laugh about joining the fight. And I'm glad Harper looked stricken about what she'd done. (Once again, very in character). The thing is, I would have just pushed Sloane to the floor and screamed in her face as I shook her very violently. Pretty sure anyone untrained in martial arts would do that. But this is a film.

I like how they've basically made all these sisters equal in their parents' eyes - and destroyed their dads career in one fell swoop. Welll done! Finally some breathing room.

Oh god....that's so heartbreaking. Abby.....her parents. Christmas.... They really didn't tell each other enough at all huh

I know that John is right but it's still really hurtful though! Like goddamn

'I wanna be with someone who is ready' THAT'S AN AMAZING THING - BECAUSE THAT'S ALSO PERFECTLY VALID.

'you ok' from Riley. Wow

Harper now's the time to apologise for what you did. YES

god that was her best friend. She lost so much to this SHIT

NOOOOOOOO SHE DID IT!!!!! SHE DID IT!!!!

I'm fucking crying

Your career ruined your family's well-being! Greatttt!

THEY WENT BACK??? THEY DIDNT GO HOME??? WHAT THE FUCK LOL

I'd have just left

I guess its a good thing they didnt

Ok I guess - the - uh - I guess its cos the stress is gone but like - this also very much reads like - if you're a romantic partner you get to be important and otherwise not. Also I get why it's gotta be Mother, but this is Harper once again dropping the ball and not inviting Abby herself lol.

I knew Jane's book was gonna do well just from her brief plot description lol. So Happy John was so interested. Oh MY GOD I FORGOT HE WAS A PROFESSIONAL EDITOR. sneaky sneaky writing

I thought the height difference was gonna be awkward but so far it's actually been really cute

That was a great ending shot

THE DAD STILL WON? WOW wtf lol

OH MY GOD RILEY IS WITH THEM AT PRIDE AND SEEMS TO HAVE A GF! Those insta posts are actually a great epilogue.

#my stuff #vidi #happiest season #this was unexpectedly a great movie??????#bit sad about not seeing the proposal #for the first time in my life

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alxvensxoul · 6 years ago

Note

1-100 because im mean.

1. Are you a virgin?

I mean technically I am? I have done things but I have never been penetrated. And that sounded so wrong to say it that way but “gone all the way” made me sound twelve.

2. Does anyone besides you know your bra/penis size?

My sister does.

3. Do you know anyone who has any STDs?

I don’t think so.

4. Were you married when you first lost your virginity?

Again, technically a virgin but no because I have never been married.

5. Do you swear under celibacy?

6. When did you first lose your virginity? If you haven’t, when would you like to?

When it happens it happens.

7. Have you ever gotten tricked into aphrodisiacs or alcohol for sex?

8. Have you walked in on someone masturbating/having sex?

My darn sister!

9. Have you ever seen someone masturbate or have sex with their permission?

No. How awkward!

10. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?

We didn’t have sex but in the backyard at home my ex boyfriend and I… explored eachother. That doesn’t sound any better.

11. If you had to chose one, would you have outdoor sex or car sex?

Outdoor. Car sex sounds uncomfortable.

12. When was the age you first masturbated? Whether you knew it or not?

Not long ago..

13. Have you ever helped someone “finish”?

14. Have you ever had an erection in the past month? (clitorial counts, too)

I guess?

15. When was the last time you have had an erection? (clitorial counts, too)

I don’t know

16. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed?

Nope

17. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate)

Ok so.. my sister bought me a toy. Its a little pink thing that vibrates and for the longest time I didn’t touch it. Until I did..

18. What is your bra/penis size?

I am a B cup. Not too much..

19. Has anyone seen your private parts other than yourself or a family member?

Yes

20. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus?

That toy my sister bought me

21. Do you like rough sex or intimate sex better?

I imagine I would like intimate sex but who knows until you try right?

22. When was the last time you masturbated?

A couple days ago.

23. When was the last time you had sex?

I haven’t

24. When was the last time you watched porn?

Uhhh….

25. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last

I didn’t’ buy it, stephanie did. I don’t know what its called.

? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?

My sister bought me this little pink one.

26. Guys: Circumsized?

N/A

27. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched?

My shoulders

28. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched?

My breasts…

29. Girls: Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation?

Never tried

30. What color/type of underwear are you wearing?

They are pink and lacy

31. Have you ever sent someone a picture or video of you in the nude? Did it include sexual actions?

32. Have you ever posted a picture of image of you in the nude on a website? Did it include sexual actions?

33. Have you ever anonymously sent/posted a picture or video of yourself in the nude? Did it include sexual actions?

34. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr?

35. When was the last time you have had a wet dream?

I dont know. I don’t ever remember having one

36. Which wet dream was your favorite?

I dont remember ever having one

37. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with?

Yes

38. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with?

Dont we all have one?

39. Have you ever masturbated with someone?

40. Have you ever took a shower with someone that is not a family member?

41. Favorite sexual position? If you are a virgin, which position interests you?

I dunno. Something intimate with lots of room for kissing

42. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed?

No i would hate that

43. Are you into any BDSM?

Thats kind of scare. I don’t like pain so i don’t understand it.

44. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why?

I mean sure. We all have someone we would sleep with but can’t for some reason right? Maybe they’re a celebrity. Maybe they don’t know you exist. Maybe they don’t see you that way.

45. Turn on’s?

Tall boys, deep voices, goofy personalities

46. Turn off’s?

Smoking, being rude, being too forward

47. Have you ever had a sexual fantasy about someone? Was it about anyone other than your lover?

Yes and I don’t have a lover so yes.

48. Have you ever had phone sex? Video sex? Chat box sex?

Nope to all

49. What was the weirdest thing that has ever turned you on?

Oh god. Probably a guy in a bathing suit. It wasn’ that weird, it just came out of nowhere.

50. Do you like dirty talk?

I think it would be sexy

51. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation?

I am kinda loud….

52. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what?

My sister’s cat jumped out of my closet and scared me

53. Most embarressing sex/masturbation story?

See above. Stephanie walked in and saw what i was doing.

54. Most hilarious sex/masturbation story?

Again, see above

55. What kind of porn do you like to watch?

Romantic, sensual stuff. But its never very good.

56. First type of porn you have ever watched? (ie. lesbian, hentai, threesome)

Some scary hardcore stuff stephaie showed me.

57. What was the most recent type of porn you have ever watched? What category was it under?

Hardcore. My sister is weird

58. Most hilarious/stupidest porn you have ever watched?

Most of it is terrible

59. Have you ever fantasized over someone older than you? How much older? Younger? How much younger?

Yep. Just a few yeard older

60. Favorite sex toy (if any)?

My little pink one. Its the only one i have

61. Have you ever had to break up with/divorce someone because you weren’t satisfied with their sex?

62. Have you ever used anything/gotten any surgeries to improve sexual performance/feel?

63. If someone you knew asked for a nude image, would you do it? What about a tumblr follower?

nope

64. Have you ever told someone any wet dreams/fantasies you’ve had about them?

No! why would i tell them

65. Do you like to have sex like they do in pornos?

Nobody has sex like that or at least i hope not.

66. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them?

No!

67. Are you able to be secretive when you masturbate? (like able to be quiet so no one can hear?)

I have gotten pretty good at it but i don’t do it a lot

68. When was the first time you achieved orgasm?

I never have

69. Is there only one way so far that you have been able to achieve orgasm? (ie. only by using toys, only from 1 positon,only from masturbating a certain way)

Again, never have

70. Favorite type of oral?

I have only ever experienced one. That night in the backyard at home he.. well it was nice. But it didn’t last long. We were afraid we would get caught. It only happened that one time.

71. Strangest sexual positon you’ve tried?

I havent

72. Have you ever made up a sexual postion?

73. Girls: During sex, vaginal or anal?

I haven’t done either but nobody is putting anything up my butt

74. Girls: During masturbation, clitorial, vaginal, or anal?

See above

75. Do you like to be dominant or submissive?

Submissive

76. Have you ever masturbated to someone?

77. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them?

I don’t have a sexual partner

78. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them?

No i haven’t had one

79. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial?

No. That seems stupid

80. Have you ever had sex with someone who wasnt your partner?

81. Has any of your partners had sex with someone else?

He probably did. My ex.

82. Have you ever gotten pregnant? Were they your lover’s or someone else’s?

83. Birth control or condoms?

Both

84. Do you ever masturbate to porn?

No its weird

85. Does anyone know you masturbate? Did you have to tell them?

My sister

86. Did your parents ever find out you were sexually active?

Yes

87. Do you have any STDs?

88. Have you ever masturbated to a fictonal character or celebrity?

89. Have you ever had sex during “7 minutes in heaven”?

90. Spit or swallow? Or do you not like oral?

I haven’t done either but I feel like if its already in your mouth you might as well swallow it.

91. Have you ever been rejected for sex? Have you ever rejected someone else?

I rejected my sisters ex boyfriend who tried to hook up with me while they were dating

92. Do you have someone who said they are willing to take away your virginity if you havent lost it by a set age or if you just want to have a good time?

Nobody has told me they wanted to

93. Have you ever experiented with the opposite sex?

Yep

94. When you first lost your virginity, was it intended or spontanious?

I havent yet

95. Has anyone ever walked in when you were taking a shower with someone?

96. Did you ever tell someone once you lost your virginity?

I will tell Stephanie when it happens

97. Does your lover know if you have masturbated?

I don’t have one

98. Does your lover know that you want to have sex with them but cant?

Don’t have a lover

99. Do you like masturbation?

Yes sometimes

100. (Asker’s ask) If i were to ask you if we could have sex, would you say yes?

Honestly? Probably. I hope that doesn’t make you think differently of me.

#Sana:replies #YOU ARE MEAN #lotusshop

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