#its just that Cup and Mug have already been busted up and learned not to do those things anymore

[popfizzles]

As much as Rummer and Tumbler would love to utilize some of the charms that Cuphead and Mugman have access to...

Porkrind won't sell to them.

No matter what they look like.

[batsandbugs]

Bats Bugs and Boomerangs Chapter 1

A/N: Hey everyone, coming at you with another series! This is actually for a late secret santa gift exchange! My recipient was @m3owww​! Her fandoms were Maribat and Avatar the Last Airbender, so I thought: Why not both? She already had a Maribat characters in the show type fic, so I created a fic where they watched the show. It slowly spiraled out of control though, so this is Chapter 1. I’ll eventually have the batfam (and Marinette) react to the whole series, so comment here and on ao3 what you want to see. So Phi, this is kinda like the gift that will keep on giving? Maybe? I hope you like it anyway. Enjoy! 

Our story begins on a frosty winter evening, outside Gotham at Wayne Manor. Marinette sat in the library working on an assignment for her History of Fashion class. She was alone, because Damian, Dick, Tim, and Bruce were out on patrol, with Barbara on comms. Tikki, unless eating or involved with a transformation, spent her time sleeping due to the freezing weather. While the other Kwami either resided in the box or roamed the grounds, and generally stayed out of the human's way.

Marinette gazed out the window, snow falling softly through the air, covering the ground and the tree branches. A crackling fire warmed the room. She shifted, and a painful ache shot through her leg. Marinette glared at the offending appendage, which was the reason she wasn’t out with the team tonight.

Her Miraculous could cure any injury sustained on the battlefield, it didn’t help her one bit when it came to her own natural clumsiness. She hadn’t paid attention as she’d walked out of class one evening. The dim lighting hid a black ice patch and she slipped and fell. Thankfully, her ankle was only sprained and not broken, but she would be out of commission for at least two weeks. Probably more if Alfred got his way.

Speaking of the elderly butler, he strode into the room carrying a tray of tea and cookies.

“Good evening Miss. Marinette. Need another refreshment?”

She sighed at the cold coffee dregs in her mug. “That would be nice, thank you, Alfred.”

He hummed, grabbing a teacup, and pouring her a serving. “How does your leg feel today? I notice you were leaning heavily on Master Damian after supper.” He handed the cup to her and the warmth was a welcome sensation for her chilled hands.

“Yeah, he’s been nice helping me around.” Nice was a misnomer, more like extremely overprotective. He point-blank refused for her to stay at her own apartment, mostly due to its location on the fourth floor with no elevator access. He all but forced her to watch him pack her essentials to bring to the manor while she recovered. Since then, his attentiveness in ensuring she had what she needed within reach and helping her to class had grown. It was a tad smothering considering his usual aloofness, but she enjoyed his actions for the affection it implied.

“It’s throbbing and hot and feels worse than it did three days ago.” She took a tiny sip of the tea and relaxed into its spiced aroma. Alfred made the best tea.  

He nodded. “It will feel uncomfortable for a while until it starts to mend. Just continue to rest and remain off it and you will be back to carousing around the city like the rest of them in no time.” He poured his own tea and seated himself in the plush armchair across from her spot on the couch.

“Oh, Alfred you say that as if you would not be right there along with us if age allowed,” said Marinette with a grin. The stories Dusu could recount about the elderly miraculous holder were nothing short of entertaining, and she knew damn well Alfred had the same need for action as the rest of the Waynes and their assorted allies.  

“I’d do nothing of the sort,” he said primly, taking a sip of his tea to hide the tiny smirk on his face. Marinette couldn’t help but laugh.

The rest of the evening was spent in pleasant silence. Despite the pain in her leg Marinette pushed through it and finished her assignment, while Alfred read until it neared time when patrol ended. He bustled up the remains of the tea and promise her a fresh cup when he finished seeing everyone arrive safely.

Later, although she could not say how long, she was buried deep in a book and didn’t notice when Damian entered the room until he sat next to her on the couch.

“Good evening angel.” His hair flopped in his eyes, loose and damp from the shower. In his hands, he held a tray with two cups of steaming tea.

“Thanks.” She took the proffered cup of tea with a smile. “How was patrol?”

“Boring,” he sighed. “You certainly are not missing anything.” If he wouldn’t have taken offense to it, Marinette would have described the look on his face as a pout.

“What about the drug seller Tim tracked to the lower docks?”

Damian shrugged. “Gone silent after we busted the last shipment. Seventeen years in and maybe the criminals finally figured out committing crimes in the same city as a relentless vigilante team is a bad idea,” he said with a raised eyebrow and a smirk. Marinette couldn’t stop herself from giggling. It was a common joke among the family that Gotham’s criminals never learned.

“I think it means we’re doing our job right,” said Tim walking in with a steaming mug. Marinette opened her mouth, but he cut her off. “Don’t worry, it’s decaf.”

“Like Pennyworth would let him drink anything else this time of night,” scoffed Damian, while taking a sip of his tea.

“I’m perfectly capable of monitoring my own caffeine intake, thanks,” Tim said in offense, seating himself across from the couch in the reading chair previously abandoned by Alfred.

“No, you’re not,” called a voice from the hallway. Dick walked in with a large mug of what was undoubtedly hot chocolate. “The last time he didn’t check your drink after patrol, you used coffee instead of water to brew another pot, and then added four whole bottles of five-hour energy. You didn’t sleep for three days.”

“I also solved five crimes, figured out where the Penguin was hiding, and streamlined the dropbox submission system for Wayne Industries. Life requires tradeoffs.”

“No that’s just you, ignoring basic human necessities. Anyway, besides Tim’s caffeine addiction, what are we talking about?” asked Dick.

“The reason for the lack of crime,” offered Marinette.

Dick shrugged, “Happens every year because of the weather. Even criminals get cold. They’ll return to their usual transgressions once the weather warms.” He took a sip of his hot chocolate.

“Tt. Weak,” muttered Damian.

Tim rolled his eyes. “Not everyone receives extreme weather training under threat of dismemberment, demon brat. We should take the opportunity to enjoy the break.”

“Tim, your version of a “break” involves paperwork,” chided Dick.

“It’s not my fault the rest of you people don’t have lives. I’m a remarkably busy person. And what is this, the-criticize-Tim-hour?”

“Oh, only an hour?” smirked Damian. “I thought it was a continuous event, one could choose to participate in whenever the mood struck. I will have to file all my complaints immediately.”

Tim pouted. “Marinette,” he whined. “Can’t you control him?”

She shrugged, “What do you expect me to do? I’m his girlfriend, not his minder. Besides, they criticize because they care.” She laughed when all three boys snarled their noses at the prospect of feelings.

“Marinette, angel, please; never say that again. I criticize because I am right, and they should know it. Not because of any high-minded ideals such as genuine affection.”

“Okay, okay, enough,” said Dick. “If we have a bit of a break, we should do something! Together, as a family. I think Cass and Steph come back in two days.”

“Grayson, just because your girlfriend is off-world visiting family and you have nothing to do does not mean it holds true for the rest of us.”

“Exactly!” exclaimed Tim, “Except not quite, because I don’t have a girlfriend, but I just said I’m busy. R&D is rolling out a new prototype next week, and I have two board meetings scheduled and-”

“Not to mention,” Marinette cut Tim off. He could talk about his schedule forever because he just had that many events. “I can’t move around, what would we even do? Play games?”

Tim rolled his eyes. “The list of games officially banned in our family includes, but is not limited to; Monopoly, Uno, Checkers, Risk, Risk: Legacy, Twister, Jenga, Clue, Guess Who, Poker, Chess, and Go Fish.”

“Oh…” muttered Marinette.

“And that doesn’t even include videogames.”

“After the Wii Bowling incident of 2013, the media room wall was never the same,” Dick said, shaking his head in despair.

“I actually apologized for that, okay?” exclaimed Damian. “Why do you always have to bring it up?”

Marinette fully intended to ask about the incident later. “Okay, so games are out.”

“Ooh,” Dick’s eyes lit up, “How about we call a Family T.V. Event?”

Tim groaned, “The last time we did that we blew up the shed, and got the police called.”

“Well, we won’t watch a crime show.” Dick turned to Marinette. “Jason picked; we watched Breaking Bad.”

“I can see how that would spiral out of control.”

“The time before that, we set fire to the media room and started a familial feud,” Damian pointed out. “Game of Thrones,” he added when Marinette looked to him for clarification.

“Even worse.”

“Okay, fine, so we don’t have the best track record picking shows. But I swear I have a good one this time.” He paused for dramatic effect. “Avatar: The Last Airbender.”

Tim snorted. “What? Like the kid’s show?”

Damian rolled his eyes. “Really Grayson, a cartoon? I know you are developmentally stuck at five, but not all of us are.”

“I’ve never watched it, but I’ve heard good things about it,” said Marinette. She knew there was a French translation of the show, but she preferred to watch media in its original language. Before moving to America, before dating Damian, her English had not been strong enough to confidently watch a show and understand all of it.

“Perfect!” exclaimed Dick. “I know you three and Cass haven’t seen it, and neither has Bruce or Alfred. I would bet Jason’s seen some of it, but I’ll have to check. Barbara and I have, but that’s fine, she loves the show. We’ll have to see about Steph too, but I’m sure she’ll enjoy it regardless. There are awesome characters, battles, suspense, comedy, and it’s not likely going to inspire us to blow up the shed or tear each other to pieces!”

“I have in no way agreed to this Grayson. Drake back me up.”

Tim paused for a moment, stuck between his need to disagree with Damian and the need to get out of Dick’s crazy plan. Unfortunately for Damian, the former won out. “Actually, you know what, a show could be fun. The episodes are what, thirty minutes? Shorter than Breaking Bad and Game of Thrones.”

Damian groaned while Dick responded happily, ignoring his brother’s distress, “Around twenty minutes actually. We could have the whole show finished in about a week or so.”

Damian turned to her, eyes wide and hopeful. “Marinette, please tell me you are on my side?”

She patted her boyfriend’s arm, “Sorry, mon amour, I’m stuck either way. Might as well watch a show.”

Damian flopped against the couch with a pout. “Betrayed. I have been grievously betrayed by my own brothers and girlfriend. What is this world coming to?”

“Woo!” exclaimed Dick, a wide grin splitting his face. “This is going to be great.”

“This is going to be awful,” moaned Damian.

-0-0-

It took a bit of convincing on the part of Dick to get Bruce and Alfred to agree to the venture. Marinette, after learning the full details of the last two Family T.V. Events, was wholly unsurprised. She also did not know the full extent of what Dick did to get Jason to agree (apparently, he and Bruce were fighting, again, so this was expected.) although it probably involved a bribe. But by the week’s end, the entire family was together, all under strict orders (and puppy-dog eyes from Dick) to be on their best behavior.

Which, without a doubt, not a single one of them knew what that entailed.

The arguing started with seating placement, then about who controlled the remote, then over the distribution of snacks, drinks, blankets, and pillows. At one point Jason pulled a knife, which prompted Damian to pull his knife, suddenly Cass had two shurikens visible (where she even kept them while wearing a tank top and shorts, no one could say), and then everyone was yelling with sharp pointy objects in hand.

Once the argument was firmly under control, Alfred collected the weapons and placed them in a wicker basket, along with all the mobile devices, until the episodes for the night were finished. The only one allowed to have a phone was Barbara who was in charge of checking police scanners for any major trouble while the family took the evening off.

Marinette seated herself curled up against Damian on the edge of the couch. She set her foot propped up on an ottoman so it wouldn’t get jostled, and she could continue to ice it throughout the evening. Damian secured their own bowl of popcorn, so they didn’t have to share it with the others.

“Alright, here’s how we’re breaking this down,” announced Dick, who won the battle for the remote, and therefore the episode schedule. “The episodes are short, at least, much shorter than the last show we watched.” He directed a pointed look at Jason.

“I make no apologies.”

“We’ll watch half a season a day, ten episodes apiece. The closed captions will be on but try to keep the chatter to a minimum.” Marinette held back a laugh. Damian explained no one kept quiet during these nights. Watching the show wasn’t the point of these events; if that were the case then they would just watch it all on their own time. The point was the time spent together. This is why even Bruce, emotionally constipated and single-minded in his pursuits as he was, put away the suit for a few days to watch T.V. with the rest of his collected family. Talking was expected.  

“We will, if you will,” called Stephanie.  

“I take offense to that.”

“Aw just sit Dickie, let’s watch the show,” exclaimed Jason.

“Yes, Grayson you already wrapped us into this pointless venture; we might as well get it over with,” Damian grumbled. Marinette found his hand in the folds of their shared blanket and laced her fingers with his. He squeezed her hand, and, when he was sure no one else was looking gave her a small smile. Marinette smiled back, he pretended to be such a grouch, but deep down he was a giant softy at heart.

Dick frowned, saying “Fine, fine, you don’t have to be spoilsports about it.” And pointed the remote at the T.V. starting the first episode.

-0-0-

It didn’t take ten seconds before the commentary began.

“Four elements?” exclaimed Tim.  “Are you serious? I could name at least a dozen off the top of my head. How are there only four nations? 0/10 completely unrealistic. Political infighting alone-”

“Ah, shut up, replacement.”

“Ruthless fire nation?” said Stephanie. “Methinks a little propaganda might be occurring here.”

“A hundred years!? What, has no one competent been born the entire time?”

Marinette shrugged. “The disadvantages of finite magic systems, Dami. It's learned indifference.”

“Honey, after a hundred years that’s not hoping, that’s naivety,” said Stephanie in response to Katara’s impassioned speech.

“She’s right!” exclaimed Dick.

“We know that, but she doesn’t.”

The show moved on to Katara and Sokka in a boat. Sokka held a spear above the water.

“Is he hunting that fish?” growled Damian.

“Ah yeah, I forgot you may hate the entirety of Sokka’s character,” said Dick with a grimace. “Whoops.”

“She’s not very good at the water moving, is she?” asked Marinette

“Waterbending,” Dick and Barbara said in unison.

Sokka chided Katara about her weird water magic. “Oh, he’s not going to be a dick for the whole show, is he?” asked Steph.

“He gets better.”

“They grew up here right?” asked Damian, as Katara and Sokka become caught in a rapid. “How did they not anticipate an event like this.”

“I knew I should have left you at home. Leave it to a girl to screw things up!”

“HEY!” shouted all the women in the room.

They watched as Katara’s fury built and broke the iceberg behind her.

“Good. Use anger, anger is alright,” Cass commented for the first time.

“Okay, you’ve gone from weird, to freakish.”

“This punk is just asking for a beating isn’t he,” growled Jason.

The beam of energy shot into the air after Katara and Sokka broke open the ice. “That’s not going to cause any trouble,” said Tim, rolling his eyes. “Nope, not suspicious or completely conspicuous at all.”

The scene switches to a metal ship.

“Finally! Uncle, do you realize what this means?”

“Oh, look, the bad guys,” deadpanned Tim. “I was right.”

Jason grabbed a handful of popcorn and shoved it into his mouth “What happened to his fucked-up fa-”

“YOU’LL FIND OUT!”

The scene switched back to Katara and Sokka. The figure is revealed to be a hyperactive little kid.

Damian frowned“Oh, I won’t like him either, will I Grayson?”

Dick tilted his head, “Eh.”

Then Appa is introduced.

“Father, could we-”

“No, Damian.”

They watched the children depart, and the scene moved back to the Fire Nation ship.

“Even if you're right, and the Avatar is alive, you won't find him. Your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather all tried and failed.”

“Well considering the Airbender child has been in an iceberg, it’s not surprising they failed.”

“Because their honor didn't hinge on the Avatar's capture. Mine does. This coward's hundred years in hiding are over.”

“Is it just me or does this angry, emo prince remind anyone of demon spawn?”

“Todd, shut your mouth before I remove your tongue.”  

Marinette leaned in close, “Maybe just a little like you.” Damian looked at her with a betrayed pout.

The scene switched and they watched Aang lie to Katara about the Avatar.

“The air child is guilty. Will cause problems later.”

“Narrative Cass, it’s narrative.”

Damian scoffed. “Miscommunication is plot convenience, and it’s a sloppy one at that.”

They watched Aang’s dream of how he ended up in the iceberg, him waking up to Katara and his introduction to the village.

“Well, no one has seen an Airbender in a hundred years. We thought they were extinct until my granddaughter and grandson found you.”

“Extinct?”

“He went into the ice and woke up to find the world different. Anyone getting serious Captain America vibes here?” said Jason, tone-deaf to the clear horror on Aang's face.

“Jason, he just found out his people potentially went extinct!” chided Marinette. 

“It's not for stabbing! It's for air bending.”

“Please tell me the main character is not a pacifist,” begged Damian.

“Well, he is a monk,” said Barbara with a sorry look.

“I sense he's filled with much wisdom,” Katara says as Aang sticks his tongue to his staff and it freezes.

“I switch back and forth between liking this girl and not. One second she’s got gumption, and the next she’s all starry-eyed and naïve,” grumbled Steph.

“I wonder who that reminds me of,” Damian whispered into Marinette’s ear. She felt her cheeks heat up.

"I'm not naive," she shot back. 

He raised a hand with two fingers close but not touching, "You're a little naive." Marinette huffed, but silently admitted to her boyfriend's point. She had a tendency to believe the best in people; she saw it as a strength and appreciated it in this Katara character, but it was so far from how Damian viewed the world, it honestly confused his siblings when they first started dating. 

Damian confided in her that he found it inspiring. She had been through so much, understood the cruelties of others, and still could see the good in people. 

The scene switched to the Fire Nation ship again, and Iroh explained the concept of firebending to an irate Prince Zuko.

“Finally, a display of actual competence,” exclaimed Damian.

“Enough! I've been drilling this sequence all day. Teach me the next set! I'm more than ready!”

“My tutors would have skewered me if I dared to act in such a manner,” he commented again, softer than the first time. More so that only Marinette could hear. Damian’s family was more than aware of his childhood and what it entailed; Marinette slowly learned with comments like this. She squeezed his hand again and received a small smile.

The scene shifted back to the village where Sokka’s failed “warrior lesson” occurred, and then-

“We don't have time for fun and games with the War going on!”

“What war? What are you talking about?”

“Where have you been, frozen in ice for a hundred years?” joked Dick.

They watched Aang offer to take Katara to the North Pole to find a water bending master. The two children go and play with the penguin creatures, but the tone shifted when an old Fire Nation ship appeared on the screen.

“Bad ship” muttered Cass.

“If you want to be a bender, you have to let go of fear.”

“There are so many things wrong with that statement I don’t even know where to start,” said Tim.

They watch Aang and Katara enter the Fire Nation Ship and wander talking about the war.

“Aang, how long were you in that iceberg?”

“I don't know. A few days, maybe?”

“I think it was more like a hundred years!”

“Are you kidding me?” yelled Jason. “How are they just figuring this out now?”

On-screen Aang stepped on the line of wire, tripping the traps.

“Tt. Amateurs.”

"See, she told him it would be a bad idea!"

A flare rises through the air.

“That’s not going to cause any-”

“Oh, shut up Tim.”

The Fire Prince once again appeared on the screen.

“The last Airbender!”

“I was right,” he mumbled.

The screen faded to the credits, and Dick turned to the group.

“So? What do you think?”

“Slow.”

“Nobody has any sense.”

“Are any of the characters actually likable?”

He frowned. “Okay, okay, so the first episode isn’t the best. I swear it gets better. Back me up here Barb.”

Barbara nodded. “He’s right, it takes a few episodes to build the characters up and we see some genuine action. But by mid-season, I swear you’ll be hooked. And then we’ll get to season two and the best characters will arrive.”

“Hey,” Dick exclaimed, pointing a finger at her. “No spoilers.”

“I thought it was fun,” Marinette offered. “It’s very clearly a kid’s show, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing.” She wasn’t going to say each and every person in the room had childhood traumas, and a show full of lighthearted fun was probably just what they needed. She could think it, but she wouldn’t say it.   

“Thank you, Marinette,” said Dick with a smile.

“I rather enjoyed the elderly tea drinker,” intoned Alfred. “He’s more than he appears to be.”

“Uncle Iroh? Yeah, he’s the best!” commented Barbara. "But everyone is great." 

“Alright, episode one finished, nine more to go.”

“Let’s hope it’s more enjoyable than the last,” uttered Damian, a chorus of agreement followed his statement, but when the show started up everyone grew quiet again.

Marinette was sure whatever happened next, it was bound to be interesting.

Tag List (Although it is on ao3 too) 

@m3owww​ @your-resident-chimken-nuggie​  @loveswifi​ @fusser90​@animegirlweeb​​ @ihavehomeworkbutistillhere​​

[spencers-dria]

Trauma

Someone To Stay Ch. 9

Spencer x fem reader

It's been several weeks since Y/N and I started our weekly movie nights. After starting Harry Potter we decided that we would keep watching our way through the series until we finished them. Last week I was out of town on all of her days off, but tonight we get to watch our favorite together, Prisoner of Azkaban. Seeing as we both love Halloween, this doesn't come as much of a surprise.

Last time I had asked to borrow her Harry Potter cookbook. As a surprise I've been cooking pumpkin pasties. I normally don't do much cooking, but this was well worth it. Movie night has become incredibly casual, so i slip into some purple pajama pants and a black t shirt before driving to her apartment. We decided movie nights would all take place at her apartment, seeing as she had the nice TV with a decent sound system. I had previously spent almost all my time reading, so all I had was my mom's old TV tucked away in the corner, only used when I felt the need to binge Dr. Who.

It's not long before i'm knocking at her door, warm snacks ready to go. She opens the door and looks down with a huge grin.

"Are those what I think they are?"

I nod, glad to see she's excited about them. After a moment I notice a pleasant smell wafting from the kitchen.

"You made something too?" I peek my head into the kitchen hoping to discover the source of the scent.

Y/N pulls out two mugs topped with foam, smiling like a giddy little kid. We both take a sip, and I feel the warmth filling me up as I take in the drink that tastes like Autumn in a cup. I've never had butter-beer before, but this is perfect. I look up to see whipped cream coating Y/N's upper lip, and based on the laugh she's holding back, I would guess I am sporting the same foam mustache. We both bust out in laughter. Something about spending time with Y/N makes me feel like a kid again. I know I can share my knowledge with her and she actually encourages me to do it quite often. But she also makes me feel like I can be goofy and silly and just have fun. I had almost forgotten what that feels like.

After we each curl up on our end of the couch with blankets and pillows, I can't help but realize how happy I have been having her as a friend in my life. Something about this realization pulls my mind in the opposite direction, and I suddenly find myself remembering why happiness feels like such a long forgotten stranger...Maeve. The name had not crossed my thoughts in weeks. This realization leaves me with a guilt that sits like a pit in my stomach. Before I know it, I am no longer focused on my favorite Harry Potter movie, but am spiraling into a dark hole once again. I lose myself so far into my thoughts that I almost don't notice that Y/N has stopped the movie and is staring straight at me.

I turn to her. "What is it?"

Y/N furrows her brow, a deep look of concern filling her eyes.

"Spencer, you're crying."

"I am?" I reach up to feel the wet streaks left behind on my cheek. I hadn't even realized. Now not only have I been crying in front of Y/N, but she knows something is wrong. Knowing her, she won't let this go so easily. I also doubt she'll buy any lie I try to feed her. She may not be a profiler, but she sure knows when someone she cares about isn't being genuine with her.

Luckily, she must also know me better than I realize. She doesn't push me too hard for information. She scoots over to my side of the couch before laying a hand on my shoulder. I keep my eyes glued to my lap, avoiding eye contact as best I can. I'm afraid that if I look into her eyes now, I'll completely fall apart. Something about telling your friends about your trauma makes it very real, and I don't want to relive that day, not again.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'm not sure..." I answer honestly.

Instead of pushing me, she moves her hand to rub my back as we sit there in silence. Something about the kindness of this gesture finally breaks me. I let my head fall into my hands as tears start streaming down my face, and I don't even bother trying to stop them. I can't hold this back anymore, not from someone who's become like a best friend to me.

We sit there just like that for several minutes, Y/N silently rubbing my back, me crying like a big baby. Part of me feels embarrassed, breaking down like this, but the other part is too tired from holding all of this back to even care anymore.

Finally, I think my body has run out of tears when I hear Y/N say "What can I do? What do you need?" It's so quiet I almost miss it.

"Her name was Maeve." I am surprised to hear the words leave my mouth. I glance over to Y/N to gauge her reaction, but she's only sitting there, listening patiently.

"I started getting these headaches. They became so crippling that they started affecting my work. It scared me because...well my mom is schizophrenic. I guess I have always been a little paranoid about showing symptoms. The doctors ran tests, labs, scans...everything they could think of. As a last resort I reached out to this geneticist. After a bit of correspondence, it wasn't difficult to see that she was brilliant. She seemed to enjoy keeping in touch, so we would write one another letters. We eventually started calling one another. But...she had a stalker. She didn't know who it was or what they wanted, but she was scared. That's why we wrote letters. And I only ever called her from telephone booths, never the same one twice. I ended up sharing a large part of my life with her... One time before hanging up the phone she even said "love you" like it was the most normal thing in the world. I never said it back, but even if what I felt was love I never got the chance to say it to her. Her stalker was a former grad student, and she got to Maeve before I could."

I stop and take in a deep breath, swallowing the growing lump in my throat before continuing.

" She shot herself in front of me, killing Maeve along with her. It was the first time I had ever seen her in person too. It happened a couple months ago. Every time I think i've moved on it feels like the pain starts all over again. I sometimes feel guilty for even trying to move on, for ever being happy."

Y/N doesn't say a word as she lets me speak. She just nods, taking in every word. After a couple minutes of silence, she lets out a large breath before finally opening her mouth to speak.

"Spencer, I can't pretend to even come close to understanding what you are going through. I wish I had the answers. I wish I could tell you when the pain will go away, but the truth is it will probably never fully leave you. Trauma has a way of sticking with us. We learn how to process it and cope with it more efficiently, but it's never truly gone. Now I can't pretend to know what Maeve would have wanted for you, but as your friend who's with you now I want to tell you its okay to be happy. Its also okay to not be okay sometimes. No one has it together all of the time. It's ok to talk about it, to cry about it, and there's no right or wrong time. Trauma has a way of sneaking up on us, triggering us when we least expect it. And whatever you need to be ok, whatever you need to do in order to deal with this, I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you. You can always call me if you need to talk or come over. Even if you just need a distraction from it, if you find yourself slipping into a dark place, you can call me, and we will talk about literally anything else or go find somewhere to grab dessert or watch a movie. If you need someone to just sit with you, I'll be there. What I'm trying to say is whenever you're ready, just tell me what you need and I'll be there for you."

I feel like I could cry again, but luckily I don't. Instead, I turn on the couch to face Y/N and just pull her in for a hug, resting my head on her shoulder. This alone is all I need to at least be okay, even if just for tonight. As someone who lives alone, my only real family living across the US, no one ever really knows just how much I crave touch. It's not exactly like I can just approach JJ, Garcia, or Morgan and say "Hey I could really use a hug today." It's a love language for me, but I go weeks without touching a single person. It wears me down sometimes. Sitting here, hugging Y/N, is the most comforted I have felt in a really long time.

I want to tell her the other reason I'm struggling. About the cravings I have to battle when things are already emotionally challenging. I decide I'm not ready to share that quite yet. It's not that i don't trust her, but if it's going to affect the way she sees me, I want to put that off as long as possible.

I also take a minute to go over the words she's said to me. I can't help but notice her tone, her body language, the look on her face. She may be great at comforting people, especially since it's part of her job, but those were the words of someone who knew. She spoke from a place of fully understanding trauma, which tells me one thing: She has had trauma of her own. I make a mental note to bring it up later. I don't want to push her, but I want to make sure she knows she has the same support from me incase she ever needs to talk.

We sit there for a few more minutes, her arms wrapped around me. My breathing eventually slows down as I try to get my sniffles under control. I feel my head start to pound from how hard I have been crying. I sit back to rub my hands into my temples. Y/N stands up and makes her way into the kitchen, returning a couple minutes later with a cold water bottle, a box of tissues, and some aspirin.

She starts to walk out of the room before turning to me.

"I think I've got something that might help you feel a little better. It can't heal with heartbreak, but maybe it can help you to relax and take your mind off everything, if even for a little while."

"Y/N, you take care of people all day at work you don't have to..,"

"Hey!" She cuts me off before I can finish. "Why do you think I became a nurse huh? I enjoy taking care of people. And if I can help, even just a little, I won't feel so completely useless in this situation."

"Y/N, you've already helped. Just listening, being here with me. But I guess its no use arguing with you, you're too stubborn." A small breathy laugh leaves my nose and I glance up to see a small smile before she steps out of the room.

She returns a few minutes later and doesn't say a word. Instead she grabs both my hands and pulls me off the couch, leading me into the guest bathroom.

A take a look around at everything she had gotten ready.

"A bubble bath?" I shoot her a look of uncertainty.

"Just trust me okay." She rolls her eyes playfully. "I'll be in the living room. Just shout if you need me okay?"

I decide to just go with it. She leaves, shutting the door behind her and flipping of the lights. The room is suddenly glowing in light from candles scattered all around the bathroom. After slipping into the bath, I tense up at how hot the water is before it finally relaxes all my muscles. Breathing in, I notice the smell of eucalyptus and lavender filling the air. There is also a bluetooth speaker in the corner, softly playing zen spa music with the trickle of a rain in the background.

I have to admit, this is the most relaxed I have felt in...well I can't remember ever feeling this relaxed. Baths always seemed a bit girly, but this was incredibly therapeutic. I may have to try this again after my next difficult case.

When I finally decide to get out, I realize I'll have to change back into the same clothes. I quickly realize Y/N had also laid out a  star wars t shirt and black sweatpants for me. She thought of everything. With her being on the taller side and enjoying baggy clothes, they actually fit me fairly well.

When I finally step back into the living room she looks up at me and grins.

"Looking good Dr. Reid!"

She never calls me that, and for some reason it makes me blush just slightly. She pats the spot next to her on the couch, signaling for me to come over.

"Well, how do you feel?"

"Umm I wasn't sure about the whole bath thing but... I feel fantastic actually! How did you know that would help?"

"When you do what I do, you have to find multiple ways to unwind" she laughs.

I glance down at the shirt I'm wearing.

"So Star Wars huh?"

Y/N smirks "Are you really that surprised?"

I answer with a laugh "No I suppose not."

"Well I hope you like them too, because that's what I had lined up when it was my turn to pick for movie night!"

I can't help but hide a giant grin. I was happy to hear she wanted to continue our movie nights. Between all the Harry Potter movies and Star Wars movies combined, it seemed like we'd be spending a lot more time together.

"Is it okay if we finish the movie?" I am hoping I didn't completely ruin the night with my breakdown.

"I thought you'd never ask" she smiles before turning to the TV and resuming the movie.

As I watch the characters making their way into the shrieking shack, I feel my eyes grow heavy. I guess I had gotten a little too relaxed, as I am now struggling to stay awake through the rest of the movie.

When I open my eyes I notice the room is no longer glowing from the light of the TV but from the daylight streaming in through the windows. I realize i'm stretched across Y'N's couch, under one of her many fuzzy blankets. I sit up and look around, noticing Y/N is no longer there. After checking her kitchen and bedroom, I start to worry. Before I start to call her on the phone, I notice movement outside the window. I make my way onto the patio balcony to see her sitting on her bench with a book in her hands. At the sound of the door, she looks up and meets my gaze, smiling as she closes her book.

"Good morning sunshine" she says laughing just a bit.

"What happened?" I ask, joining her on the bench outside, running my hands through my hair as I attempt to fully wake up.

"Well, after awhile I noticed you fell asleep. I really thought it would be best to just let you get your rest."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to..." I start before she cuts me off.

"Its no problem! Not last night and not any other time. You are always welcome here." She gives me a warm, genuine smile. I know this is a sincere offer, one I'm sure I will take her up on again.

[amethystpath-writes]

Haha! It finally worked!!

A drabble about ✨magic✨

"Only juveniles go to the Carnival," an old man explained to the little girl who lived next door. "Damned kids," he grunted before taking a sip of the coffee he had just ordered.

The girl was curious. She had never seen someone drink without first pouring at least two tablespoons of sugar into the mug.

The old man sat the cup down after a few sips and continued, "Do you know the game...the one with the stacks of milk bottles and a baseball?"

She nodded, twirling a spoon in her own drink; warm tea. Usually she mixed in sugar like the coffee drinkers, but this place, her favorite tavern-inn, stuck mint leaves in the tea! Tea with mint was a wealthy person's drink, but here she was sipping it up.

"-don't even use play-balls! They use apples, perfectly unbruised apples! Can you believe it?"

"No, sir, I can't!" But she could believe it and she wanted to see it. She'd never been to the Carnival, which meant she didn't particularly care what they used as balls, even if it was perfectly unbruised apples. The girl wondered aloud, "Do they use red or green apples?" She paused with consideration and the old man waited. "I hope they throw the green ones. The green apples tickle my tongue all weird." At the icky thought, the young girl shifted awkwardly as the old man chuckled at her.

"Yes, the green ones are certainly sour. But you might just like this one."

She squinted at her neighbour's open palm. "But there's no-" An apple appeared in his hand. She blinked with her jaw wide open. "How'd you do that!" she squealed.

The old man held a finger to his lips and whispered, "Magic." A corner of his mouth twitched. "Have you ever tasted magic before?"

"N-no, sir. But that just looks like a regular apple to me." She didn't quite believe in magic. Imagination, illusion, sure, but not magic. It was too far out from her world.

He smiled. "Well if you're not going to eat it-" His teeth were so near to sinking into the green skin.

"No!" She glanced nervously around. She hadn't meant to be so loud. "I want to eat it. I do." It was only the curiosity that got the best of her.

His smile widened and he held his palm out at a slant, letting the apple topple over and over before it fell from the tips of his fingers. The girl barely caught it before it could thump on the table.

The girl examined the apple. It truly did look...ordinary. Completely ordinary. "What's so special about it again?"

"I told you, girl. Magic."

"Well yeah," She shrugged. "But what's so special about it? It is still a green apple. Am I going to bit into it and have caramel fill my mouth?"

"If that is what you wish." He breathed in, sighed. His patience was wearing thin.

"Could I wish for something else?"

He answered, "If you wanted. Take a bite and see."

"I mean, could I make a wish with the apple." At this point, she thought the two of them were playing a game. "Not make a wish of what the apple would be, but if I wanted to make a wish as I bit into the apple, would it come true? Say I wished for my family to have more money." All a game. The girl still didn't believe in magic, and she doubted that her old neighbour did either. They were playing play-pretend. A small part of her said she was too old for these games, but who else her age or older would ever act like true magic existed? It was best to take advantage of this childish moment.

"That's a bit more complicated."

"How?" She twirled the apple in the air with a lazy wrist.

"That apple has already been created-"

Grown, he means, the girl thought to herself. Better not to get too involved with this fantasy, otherwise she might go mad.

"-to do as I said. Whatever taste you wish to have, whatever filling, it will change to your command. If you want a real wish, one beyond the boundaries of an apple, I'd have to craft another."

How old is he again? The girl knew he wasn't old old, but he was- what- in his sixties maybe? Seemed about right. Like a grandpa. Not a great-grandpa, but a grandpa. And the girl was twenty. Forty years seemed like the right age gap.

The girl stared at the apple. I bet it's fully regular. She squinted, eyed the knife set next to her plate. Nodding, she grabbed the knife and slid it into the apple...only to slice through a crisp white inside. "It is normal!"

He smiled. "You were wishing for your doubt to be true, and so it was. Now think of its center being caramel- without any seeds," he added, "and watch what happens. Maybe split it in half, too. Get creative."

She squinted even further, but put the apple on the plate and halved it with the sharp edge. The girl focused on the apple and imagined a hollow- like a bowl- in the fruit. And then she imagined a stream of caramel being poured into the bowl as if it came from a milk carton.

Her eyes widened, widened, widened. Her lips split until her tongue began to feel dry. She licked her lips and laughed.

There it was, the apple half, carved into a miniature bowl with a creamy caramel making up the once empty contents.

"How- But it was- and the caramel-" She laughed again. "I'm dreaming, aren't I?"

The man reached over, pinched the flesh of her arm. She recoiled. "Not dreaming," he said and beamed at her.

"But then how did this- I don't understand."

"The magicians at that Carnival you want to go to so badly are phonies. I can show you the real stuff. I can teach you the real stuff, if that's something you would like." He shrugged, looked suddenly disinterested. "But if you still don't believe it, then maybe I'll talk to the other neighbour kid, the one right across from your house."

Still not fully believing it, but feeling a large shred of greediness, the girl bit her tongue and said, "No. No, I want to learn. I want to make an apple like you did."

The old man smiled. "Very well. Tomorrow, come to my home at 2pm. I will be on the back patio. You can find me there." He slid out of the booth. The girl scrambled to follow. Her leg was busted, and it was difficult to get out of the booth on her own.

"Wait! My crutch!" The old man had her leave it with his coat when they arrived, and after she did, he'd helped her hobble over to where they sat. Now it seemed like he was just going to leave her.

"First lesson," he said just several steps away. "Magic takes a strong will and determination. Get the crutch yourself." And he continued walking. "If you can't do that, don't come to my home tomorrow." He walked to the entrance, picked his coat off of the rack, shrugged it on, and walked out of the door.

Before the girl even thought about hopping on a single foot, or crawling, or asking someone else to get the crutch for her, she looked at her plate, at the still caramel filled half-apple. The other half still sat wholly normal. She stared at it, thought for a moment.

Maybe it was just a wild imagination that made it work, but she pictured the crunchy inside being replaced with wood, and then she thought of it stretch, stretch, stretching until it was the same size, same shape, as her crutch, which was left by the door. The girl stared in glory of what had once been the half apple.

She grabbed the crutch from off the table, blowing a quick bursted breath out of her nose in almost disbelief. The skin of the apple remained attached to the very end of the wooden crutch and the girl grasped it before pulling it off.

Looking back at the door, her crutch was still there. What she held in her hand was just as real, though. And it'd come from an apple. From magic.

[captnbarnesrogers]

Fall: Pick Your Lover Over Prom Dresses

Pairing/Characters: CollegeAU!Bucky Barnes x Reader Warnings: Jealous Bucky, swearing, not much lmao alotta fluff Chapter Summary:  WC: 2.3k+ A/N: 3 more chapters to go!!

PREVIOUSLY FALL MASTERLIST

When you woke up from your deep slumber, you were in Bucky’s arms, warm and secure. You felt more comfortable to walk down the stairs by yourself. To your surprise, Winnie had left a note on the fridge that she and George had gone to work for the day. She added that the plates of food for you and Bucky were inside the fridge, ready to be heated and eaten. You prepared two cups and made some coffee for the both of you. You heated up the food and placed them on a tray, carefully bringing them up the stairs. You placed the tray on the bedside table and snuck yourself in between Bucky’s arms once again.

He began to turn in his sleep before finally opening his eyes and peeping at you.

“Am I in heaven? Because I think I’ve seen an angel.” You laughed as he kissed your cheek.

“If you’ve seen me, you’re probably in Hell.” He let out a groggy chuckle, his arm resting across your stomach, “Hungry?”

“Starving.”

“Well, I’ve made coffee and heated up some food.” He sat up as you handed him his mug, taking a sip straight away.

“If this is Hell, I wanna stay here forever.” You handed him a fork and you both shared the plate.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Enters Rebecca, panic flushes on her face. You stood up from your spot and rushed over to her.

“Are you okay?” You asked with concern. She took a deep breath before beginning.

“Jessica bailed on me, now I have no one to pick prom dresses with and I’m gonna look like shit and Alex won’t take me if I look like shit.” She says without a breath.

“Well, if Alex won’t take you because you look like shit, he’s an idiot.” Bucky explains with a mouthful, “That’s why I’m dating Y/N, she looks like shit all the time.” You glared at him jokingly.

“Your brother’s right, prom night should be a time to have fun with your friends, not to focus on boys.”

“I dunno Y/N, I lost my-“

“James!” You laughed, “Your sister doesn’t need to know that.”

“Yeah, gross, you gremlin.” He couldn’t stop laughing.

“Besides your brother being stupid, I’d be happy to help you pick a dress out.” You gave her a hug, Bucky watching with adoration with his eye – although he hid it quite well behind his mug of coffee, “Half the fun is picking out a dress.”

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!!” She exclaimed, embracing you tighter. Rebecca looked at Bucky whilst you both hugged and mouthed, ‘Marry her.’ He shook his head and smiled, hiding his blush.

“Okay, let me get ready and we can go.” She nodded and ran off to her room to do the same. You walked back toward Bucky who finished off his coffee, you planted a kiss on his cheek, “Drive us over?”

“Sure.” He croaked, taken aback by your actions. Surprised at his tone, he laughed, “Yeah, yeah sure.”

He watched you from the bed getting ready. A sweater, some jeans, a beanie; all so simple but you made it look like something that took hours to put together. He began thinking through your entire friendship. How you were the only relationship he put in effort to keep and maybe this was an excuse to finally up the courage he didn’t have back at the university. He shook himself out of the thought and brought the fact back to himself that this was a fake relationship and it was only going to last two weeks. After the two weeks, you’d look back at him as Bucky: your flirtatious friend. You snapped him out of his thoughts.

“Helloooo? Earth to James Barnes?” You giggled.

“Yeah, sorry! I’ll just put some pants on.”

“Okay.”

Rebecca rushed down the stairs excitedly. Her crossbody bag over her shoulders. She described her perfect dress to you. Light filling her eyes and smile plastered across her face.

“Okay so, it’s going to be a red silk dress, right?” You nodded, “with like a dropped neckline and spaghetti straps.”

“Oooh! That’s going to look so good!” You rubbed her back as she entered the backseat of the car and you made your way to the front seat.

“And I’m thinking rose gold hoop earrings and red strappy heels.” Bucky rolled his eyes as he started the engine of the car.

“Geez, it’s senior prom, not a wedding, Bec.”

“Leave her alone, James, I think every seventeen year old senior girl should have a show stopping dress.” Bec agreed with you, hitting the back of his head, truly showing the relationship that she and Bucky had.

Rebecca asked for the Bluetooth in the car to Bucky’s demise. He scrunched his nose at every song that played which made you laugh. He parked in front of the dress shop and stopped the engine.

“Thank the Lord that’s over!” Bec rolled her eyes at her brother’s annoyance, “I’m gonna go meet some friends while you guys pick some dresses, that alright with you, doll?” You nodded. Bec leaned in the middle compartment of the backseat, eyes hopeful, “What do you want, squirt?” You both looked at her.

“Well?” She began.

“What?”

“Aren’t you guys gonna kiss goodbye?” You blushed. Bucky choked on air.

“Um, yeah, of course we were about to!” You said leaning into Bucky and giving him a peck.

“You guys are the most unromantic couple on earth… That? That was pathetic.” She exited the car and entered the store. You finally breathed out and your cheeks flushed a deeper crimson.

“That bad, huh?” You asked Bucky nervously.

“I’m not complaining.” He couldn’t stop staring at you and he began to lean in. His hand snaking its way to your cheek and behind your neck. He looked at your lips and back to your eyes. This was it. This was the kiss that would seal the deal.

Multiple loud knocks made their way through the window, disrupting the moment.

“I’m gonna kill her.” You smiled down.

“Duty calls.”

“I’ll see you later?” You nod and he plants a kiss on your cheek. When you exit the car, the icy cold breeze of the air hit your cheek, making you grasp a hold of your body against it. You entered the store and Rebecca was already trying on dresses. Bright lights shone down on the display dresses and the sound of the heaters running through the vents were loud. Bec grabbed a dress from the rack, a little bit different to how she described but she had stated that she was ‘keeping an open mind’. It made you laugh.

“Are you going to try some dresses on as well?” She asked. You shook your head.

“No, but I’ll be brutally honest with the dresses you try on?” You both came to that agreement. She tried on dress after dress after dress. Nothing seemed to look nice and fitting on her until, she found the red dress that she had described a few hours beforehand, “Now that, looks amazing on you.”

“Mind zipping me up, please?” You walked over and pulled the zip up. The dress fitting perfectly on her, “He likes you, you know?” You hummed in response, “Bucky, I can tell, he really likes you, loves you even.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well, for starters, he brought you home.” She looked at herself in the mirror and walked over to the shoe section, picking out black strappy heels, “He doesn’t do that, he likes to keep his love life and home life completely separate.” She sat down and put the heels on before standing up and walking over to the mirror again.

“That might just be to keep your mom from asking questions.”

“Maybe.” She turned to you and smirked, “Also he looks to you a lot, even when someone else is speaking, ever notice that he’s always following you around like a lost puppy?” Come to think of it, now that she mentioned, he really did, even back at the university, “and how he’s always concerned about where you are, what you’re doing, and pushing himself in situations and places where you are?”

“Your brother and I have been friends for a long time, Bec, I’m sure it doesn’t mean anything.”

“I don’t know, Y/N, sounds like he’s pretty smitten, huh?” You couldn’t help but blush at the thought, “I mean, I guess you’ll just have to wait until he gets jealous, it’s always the better tell.” She winked. The sales lady walked over with a smile.

“That’s so fitting on you, love!” She fixed the straps and continued, “it’s the only one in the store, guaranteed no one else would have this dress at your prom!” Bec jumped with joy, clapping her hands together. She took off the dress and the heels, taking them to the counter to be bought.

“Do you wanna get a smoothie or something?” She asked.

“Know any good places?”

“You’ll have to learn that I know all the best places.” She said with confidence, propping up and walking down the street. You were distracted from how much Bec and yourself were talking that you didn’t notice someone heading towards you. Before you knew it, you had bumped into them.

“Oh my god,” you shrieked, “I am so sorry!” You looked up to find your friend, Peter, a guy from your screenwriting class.

“Hi, Y/N, what are you doing here?”

“Peter!” You gave him a hug and a smile, “I’m actually here with Bucky.” You turned to Bec, not wanting your little lie to get busted, “Why don’t you head on in? I’ll follow.” She nodded and when she entered, the bell above the door rang out.

“Little sister duty?”

“Yeah, kind of, she needed a prom dress.”

Meanwhile, in the smoothie shop, Bec was texting Bucky. He had asked where you were and she told him where you both were. She had also mentioned to Bucky that you had bumped into a friend. Almost to his convenience, he was nearby and ready to pick you both up.

He looked from afar; you laughed at Peter’s jokes and conversed with wonder. Something bubbled up inside of him. Almost like a fire ready to explode with each word that came out of Peter’s mouth. He started to wonder if you ever laughed like that at his jokes, if you listened with wonder in every conversation you both had. Finally, you both hugged goodbye and you entered the smoothie shop, following Bec.

“Hey!” Bec greeted with a smile, “I got you one of my favourites, it’s an orange sherbet smoothie.” You took a sip.

“Tastes good.” The door bell rang through the shop and in entered Bucky, “Hey.” You leaned in to kiss his cheek and he smiled but almost as if he didn’t want to accept it. His demeanour had changed from this morning and it made your stomach turn. Had something happened whilst you and Bec were picking out a dress?

“Ready to go?” He asked.

“You don’t want a smoothie, Buck?” He shook his head, no. Bec shrugged toward you and stood up from her seat, grabbing the plastic which contained her dress and her shoes. He almost raced to the car as rain started to spit onto the ground.

The ride on the way home was silent. Although, Bec was too busy to notice. You did though. There wasn’t a flirtatious comment coming anytime soon. You were so curious but didn’t want to bring up whatever it was in front of his sister. You tried to put your hand on his shoulder, comforting him somehow but he shrugged your hand off of him. It was you. He was upset at you. You don’t know what you had done but you were so desperate to know why he’d suddenly become so cold. He parked the car in the driveway and walked to the door, opening it and stepping inside. Bec followed and gave you a smile.

“Thank you for today, Y/N, I had fun.” You leaned forward and gave her a hug.

“No problem.” You looked around the room and noticed Bucky had disappeared, “Well, if you’re happy to do this again, I am too.” She nodded and headed into the kitchen. You made your way upstairs and entered the room. Bucky kept himself busy as you sat on the bed, “Is everything okay?”

“I don’t know, Y/N, is it?”

“I don’t even know what I did, Bucky.” You stood up from the bed and followed his each step. The room was quite small but you wondered why he felt miles away, “I can’t read your mind.”

“Didn’t say you could.”

“You’re acting like a child!” You stated, making him scoff. He cleaned his desk, stacking notebooks and notepads on top of each other. You walked over to him and hugged him from behind, “Please, Bucky?” He sighed.

“I just-” He turned to face you, “I don’t know, I don’t have the right to but I do- Bec told me that you bumped into Pete.” He hand made its way to your back, rubbing with comfort.

“And?”

“Don’t make me say it, Y/N.” He kissed your head, “I’m sorry.” You’d suddenly put two and two together. You and Pete. He had seen you with Pete.

“You’re jealous.”

“I don’t have an excuse to get me out of this.” He chuckled nervously.

“And you’re jealous because?” You were baiting him to say it, a smile plastered on your face. He shook his head, “Well, you don’t need to be.” You looked up at him. Your hand snaking its way to his cheek. Pulling him down, you planted a kiss on his lips.

“I’m convinced.” He laughed.

----

TAGLIST:

@captianlibby​

[queerbutstillhere]

Damian never really intended to make an announcement to his family about his courtship with Jonathan Kent.

He had, of course, asked the Kryptonian permission to court his son, and the teens mother, but he never addressed the situation to his own father. It simply wasn't necessary. Bruce never asked his consent on the dozens of women he had dated since Damian arrived, why should Damian ask him? Besides. He had an excellent judge of character, and everyone who had ever met Jon knew he was the purest person alive. He knew Damian's background and his current life, and never judged him for it. He was, in a word, perfect.

Jon had assumed Damian told his family, and with most the Wayne's and their various extended relations off on their own missions and agendas, no one ever saw them together doing anything that wasn't passed off as best friend stuff. So Jon never questioned it. He trusted, and assumed, his boyfriend has told his family members.

Only he hadn't. He had just deemed it irrelevant and then after a while, it never came up.

For three years.

They had moved in together, Jon's freshman year of college. Damian had moved to Metropolis, removing himself from Wayne Enterprises, from Batco, from everything. He made a name for himself without them, got a very nice job in Metropolis as vice president of a very well to do research company, moved into a huge loft apartment with his boyfriend and learned to live in the sun. Everyone in his family just accepted it. They never questioned the two, knowing they were "best friends" and it was only logical for the two to move in together, since they were "best friends" and knew each other's nightly activities.

It wasn't a far stretch for people, specifically the Metropolis Police, to figure out that the new masked vigilante who had suddenly appeared in Metropolis one night and started investigating crimes the police couldn't figure out was one of Batman's birds. Especially with the prior Robin, a muscular adult male, disappearing and briefly being replaced by thin teenage girl. But they soon learned that Damian was more then his past, as everyone else did.

A year or so after they had moved in together, they were planning to get married. They hadn't tried to surprise propose to each other, it would be nearly impossible, what with Damian being able to read Jon like a bold font newspaper, and Jon having super senses, and knowing Damian better then anyone else in the world. They had a talk about it over dinner, agreeing that they were ready to be wed. They briefly discussed it with the Kent's, who were overjoyed, and not a month after, sent wedding invitations.

It wasn't until a week later, they were laying in bed after a long day patrolling when Damian heard a thump. It had come from downstairs, in their living room. Jon grumbled and sat up, clearly having been on the verge of sleep.

"Its your dad," Jon stated, standing and reaching for a pair of pants.

"What does he want? He never comes to Metropolis anymore."

"Dunno. Maybe he has complaints about our wedding venue."

Damian was pulling on a shirt when he remembered.

"Oh."

"Oh?" Jon looked over, mussing up his wet hair.

Footsteps were coming up the stairs.

"Ah ha."

"Babe, what's wrong?" Jon asked, clearly concerned.

"It occurs to me. . . ." Damian said gently, knowing how Jon would react. "I may have neglected to inform my family that we were dating."

Jon's jaw dropped, eyes almost bulging out of his skull.

"We've been dating for four years!" He screeched in horror.

"Yes. I am aware," Damian said dryly, moving towards the door.

"How did you not tell them!?!"

"It never came up, and they're surprisingly oblivious."

"Holy shit, your dad is gonna kill me. And your brothers and your aunt and- oh my God."

Damian rolled his eyes.

"Calm down, Habibi, I'm not going to let anyone touch you, not this close to our wedding."

He pulled open the door and walked out, meeting the Batman at the top of the stairs.

"Father."

"Damian."

He glanced behind Bruce to spot his latest ward, the blonde haired teen looking around the apartment in amazement.

"Can I help you?" Damian asked, tilting his head to the left slightly.

He heard Jon walking over, and a hand gently touched the small of his back. Bruce reached up, pulling off his cowl, eyes flickering over the both of them.

"Can we talk?"

"Of course."

Damian brushed past his father easily on the wide industrial style stairs, jogging down the metal steps and heading to the kitchen.

"Lacey," he greeted with a nod, passing the teen now wearing the Robin uniform.

"Hi," she breathed out.

Damian went to the kitchen, starting a kettle of water boiling.

"Your siblings are on their way."

"I expected no less."

"Oh god," Jon whined, Damian looked up to see him standing at the bottom of the stairs, a hand in his hair.

Damian rolled his eyes and simply adjusted for the additional company, getting out more tea cups, as well as starting the coffee pot.

An awkward silence settled over the room, and then one by one, his siblings filed into the apartment until the sofas were full and everyone had a steaming hot mug in hand. Jon stalked over, looking anxious and snagged Damian's hand, pulling him to the furthest corner, the one that held their small round dining table that overlooked the city.

"You're not fucking with me, you never told them?" Jon hissed.

"No."

"Why not."

"It slipped my mind, and you never asked me about it."

"I assumed you had told them or they already knew! They're detectives!"

Damian shrugged. "Well, I never told them, and with our decision to keep our relationship out of the public eye, it was probably never suspected. After all, we were best friends first."

"You're telling them. I can't handle this."

Damian hummed, lightly patting his fiance's cheek.

"You'll be fine. Go sit down."

Jon obeyed, snagging his cup of tea and walking away, slumping in his armchair. Damian followed, lightly sitting on the arm of Jon's chair, looking at each of his family members, only nine of the surprisingly large bunch. Duke seemed the most amused by this situation. Lacey, the new Robin, seemed a little intimidated by being in a room with all her predecessors.

"What is the matter, then?" Damian asked finally.

"Tim?" Bruce said, looking at his third child.

The vigilante stood, reaching into a pocket and producing an envelope folded in half. He held it out to Damian, who took it, pretending he didn't know what it was, as if he hadn't designed the entire thing and would be able to recognize it on the spot. Jon gave a tiny whimper, letting his head fall on Damian's side.

"Oh quit," Damian muttered, smacking the man's knee.

He pulled the invitation out, eyes scanning over it quickly, looking for defects in the soft blue over white card. Of course there were none, he smile fondly, he had loved the design the moment it was in his hands and he still did. The invitation was well worn from having lived in Drake's belt, and he was sure it had been looked at many a times.

"And?" He said, looking up. "If you are all unable to make the date, im sure we can arrange for another time."

Jason busted out laughing, then swore as he spilled coffee in his lap.

"Don't get coffee on my sofa, Todd," Damian commented, passing the invitation back to Tim.

"Damian." Bruce was clearly displeased.

Damian arched an eyebrow.

"This is real?" Dick asked, motioning at the invitation which had been set on the coffee table.

"Why would we send out a fake wedding invitation."

"Oh, maybe because no one except Alfred knew you two were even dating!" Stephanie exclaimed.

"Oh so you did tell someone."

"Ah. No. . . I didn't. Alfred is just far more observant then everyone else."

Jon laughed bitterly and shook his head, sipping his tea.

"Damian. Explain."

"I mean, how long have you two?" Barbara motioned at them vaguely.

"Four years," Damian answered easily.

They all rightfully looked shocked.

"And you never told us?!" Dick hissed, offended.

"I didn't see that it would matter much, I wasn't dating him for your approval, and still do not need it. He never mentioned it so I never remembered to address it. You should be more disappointed in yourselves that you never figured it out in four years."

"I knew," Cassandra said finally. "Saw how you acted."

Damian nodded while Dick whirled on her, scolding her for not bringing it up. Bruce was just watching them, a mask of curiosity replacing his cowl, then he turned his gaze to Jon.

"Did your parents know?"

"From day one," the Kryptonian responded, an arm sliding around Damian's hips.

Bruce scoffed and shook his head.

"I can't believe this. Four years?!?" Jason exclaimed, looking shocked.

"I mean, its really not that surprising if you think about it," Duke inputted.

"All the signs we missed!" Tim bemoaned, slumping into his seat.

They all continued making comments and talking over each other. Damian and Jon sighed, looking at each other.

"Children," Bruce snapped and everyone went silent, looking up at the one common factor this ragtag group. Well, except for Jon. He was here for another Wayne. "Were you ever going to tell us?"

"We did." Damian gestured at the invitation.

"How the hell did you forget that you hadn't told us?" Tim asked.

"I got busy."

Jason snorted, looking away, mouthing some sarcastic comment. Damian ignored him.

"It was not an intentional act, to leave you clueless for so long. I simply forgot, to the point where I didn't even remember that you didn't know. So when we sent out the invitations I didn't think twice about it."

They didn't seem to know what to say to that, Jon finally inputted.

"I really thought he had told you, or I assumed he would, which is why I never brought it up either. We wanted to keep our relationship away from the public, and I guess you guys accidentally became a part of that group."

A little giggle came from Lacey, and everyone looked at her.

"I'm sorry, I think this is just really funny," she said. "Damian, I think its lovely that you're getting married, congratulations, mazel tov, live long and prosper and all that."

Damian felt himself smiling slightly, something he did a lot these days.

"Thank you, Lacey."

She giggled lightly, looking down as she tried to stiffle her laughs and still her shaking shoulders.

One by one, the rest of the family gave their congratulations, though still dumbfounded by the news, and made their way out, off the balcony. Bruce and Lacey were the last to leave, and he sent the teen out to wait for him.

"Damian. . . " He said with a sigh, glancing at Jon.

Damian felt something like anger, protectiveness, bubble up in him. He knew his fathers opinions of metas. He often shared them, but Jon. Jon was something else.

"Father, I'm marrying him. With or without your approval."

Jon's hand squeezed his hip.

Bruce sighed again, shaking his head.

"That's not it, Damian. You don't have to rush to be defensive all the time. I just wish you would've told me, I would have supported you the whole time, and I will from this moment on."

Damian nodded. Jon's hand moved to his back, pushing until Damian took the hint and stood. Bruce was standing at the edge of the sofa, looking at his son. Jon's foot kicked his ankle. Damian sighed and walked closer, and when Bruce moved to hug him, he wrapped his arms around his father's back. Bruce hugged him for a moment before pulling away, giving a sad smile.

"All my boys are so grown up," he murmured softly, reaching up to pat Damian's head like he was a toddler.

Then he looked past Damian at Jon. "I don't need to tell you what will happen if you hurt him."

"If I hurt him, I shall well and truly deserve it."

Bruce nodded, satisfied. He turned and walked towards the balcony.

"Damian, I love you. And if you need anything, you know you can call."

"I know, Father."

Bruce turned, tightly shutting the balcony door behind him. Damian sighed and turned back to Jon.

"Well, they know, and no one tried to kill you, satisfied?"

"Oh, no, I'm terrified that I'll wake up tomorrow with a chunk of Kryptonite in my face, but," Jon shrugged, standing and beginning to gather abandoned mugs.

"You're dramatic."

Silently, they cleaned up and then turned off lights, heading back to bed. Jon laid down and watched Damian move around, fussing with a few things in their room for a bit before finally calming and turning off the light. He came and laid down, facing his fiance.

"I love you, Damian."

"And I you, Habibi."

Jon hummed, rolling over and stretching, kissing Damian softly. In a months time they'd be husband's, and neither one could imagine life any other way. Damian secretly believed, if such things were true, they were soulmates, destined to always be lovers in every universe and timeline. He would, of course, never say this out loud, but he could think it, and he would.

[undercoverwizardninjaturtle]

Shattered Part 2: A ROTTMNT Fanfiction

Summary: The Best intentions don’t always don’t always have the Best results.

Word Count: 2545

Pairing: NONE

Rating: G

A/N I base Donatello’s struggles and Autism on my own experience and those of my family members who also have Autism. Also don’t be too mad at Leo, he’s trying

also I tried for HOURS to make a link to the previous chapter. I gave up, i’m sorry. I can’t even edit this thing after I post it to fix it, so this is it i’m sorry

Believe it or not, a family of mutants can have a normal morning.

 For eleven year old Leo, that involved a bowl of Lou Jitsu Cereal, drowned in sugar (because the cereal was three years past its expiration date), and a morning of cartoons along his brothers. All crowded around the new projector Donnie had set up a few days ago. Which was a blessing, seeing as up until then they had to make do with an old rabbit antenna tv set that was always green.

Raph laughed loudly at the cartoons antics just as Donnie joined them, a plate of plane toast in his hands and his newly built tablet shoved under his arm, “Alright who has it?”

 ‘Has what?” Leo said without looking away from the screen

 “My headphones,” As usual, even though Donnie was only eleven he spoke as though everyone else was the biggest idiot in the world. Leo never took offense though, if anything he thought it was flattering to be considered that stupid, “It’s 10:00 which means its time for my Ted Talk hour. I need my headphones back.”

Mikey finally tore his eyes away from the screen before popping up to his feet, ‘Oops! Sorry D, hold on,” he put his bowl precariously on a stack of magazines before hurrying away.

“See? No worries D.” Leo gave his brother one of his smiles, only to be returned with a scowl

“Leo, he took my headphones.”

 “He borrowed them.”

“He took them without permission, I took me weeks to get all the parts I needed from the dump.”

 Leo knew where this was headed, and unfortunately Raph was a little too wrapped up In the Looney Toons to pay attention to them. He set his bowl down as well before walking over, “D,” he thought carefully about what he was going to say, “He took them, but he didn’t’ do it to hurt you. You know, that right?”

 Donnie glared at him, but Leo could see the anger and frustration slowly fading from his eyes. It had taken Leo a while to figure out how to calm Donnie down, usually facts did the charm. Information, something irrefutable, a word he had learned from Don, and thankfully Donnie was more forgiving of Mikey then the rest of them.

And it worked like a charm, Donnie took a deep breath,” Yeah…yeah, I know…” he exhaled a slowly breath, “he was curious…”

 “Only cause he’s never seen a set of Bluetooth headphones before. Or headphones at all.”

 Again, Donnie went silent, then nodded, “Maybe…I should make him a pair too.”

 “I bet he’d like that. And if you want to go ahead and make us a third official unofficial twin robot-”

For the first time Donnie smiled, “That would be a triplet, would you and Raph like a pair too?”

 “yes!’ Raph called from his spot without looking. Mikey hurried back into the living space, headphones in his hands with a guilty look on his face, “I’m sorry D, I cleaned them off with those wipes you like.” He held them out to him,” I’m sorry.”

 Donnie again took a small breath and Leo worried that maybe he hadn’t calmed down enough but instead Donnie took the headphones back, “Just ask next time.”

“I will.” Mikey glanced over to Leo before walking back over to their cartoon morning. IT helped that Leo knew Mikey was truly sorry, but out of all their family members he was sure Mikey understood Donnie’s situation the least. That was something he had to fix soon before he did something Donnie couldn’t forgive. Leo smiled back at Donnie, “See?”

 “Yeah,” Don’s eyes fell back on the purple headphones in his hands. Leo knew they were more than just a frivolous gizmo. They not only hooked up to everything electronic in the lair that had audio but also acted as noise filtering headphones when there was too much noise stimulation for Donnie to handle.  “I didn’t mean to get worked up thanks Leo.”

“No prob.” And with that the morning almost seemed redeemable. Until Leo gave Donnie a pat on the shoulder with a large grin, “See? Aren’t you happy I’m always around to defuse you?” before he went back over to his breakfast, enjoying a morning he would forget by the next morning.

 Leo didn’t notice the pain that filled Donnie’s eyes, or how Donnie stood completely still for several moments before scrubbing at his eyes and hurrying back to his room. Just like no one noticed the muffled sobs that came from his room for a few moments

 Just like Leo didn’t ‘noticed Donnie changed after that day

-now-

 Believe it or not, Leo did not like always being right. Well, he enjoyed being right most of the time. It was a sensation he never tired of. But sometimes being right wasn’t a great reward.

Especially after last night.

The red slider turtle squeezed his eyes shut, focusing on the sound of a gurgling coffee pot and overwhelming smell of the rancid bean drink. It wasn’t his favorite smell, but one of Donnie’s favorite things in the world. Responsible for many late nights, it was a personal joke for him to try and hide Donnie’s coffee maker wherever he could. Mostly to see his official unofficial twin tear the lair apart in a half-awake rage to find it. He didn’t’ much feel like laughing right now.  Right now, he just wanted to make his brother coffee.

 “-but I still don’t’ get how the Soup Minister found the Soup Princess- “

“You gotta pay attention Raph, Lou Jitsu was in a love triangle with Minister Minestrone and Princess Pumpkin - Yo Leo! What are you doing up this early? Are you putting dirt in Donnie’s coffee again? You know he hates that.”

 For a moment Leo couldn’t bring himself to turn around, instead he focused on the brown liquid dripping to the coffee pot, “I’m not putting dirt in it.”

“fertilizer again? Seriously? That made him sick last time- “

 Leo turned around, “I’m not making him dirt, or anything! I’m just making him coffee.”   For a moment, he felt better to see Raph’s face slowly fade into confusion. Satisfied, in a way he didn’t like, “you ok man? You look awful?”

 “Do I? Gee I hadn’t noticed, I was just up half the night with Donnie weeping in my arms then the other half cleaning up his room while he slept in my bed, so no Raphie I bet I do look awful.”

Raph blinked at him, others might have thought his inability to comprehend his words was because of a limited intelligence, but Leo knew better. Raph was capable but morning brain could take down anyone. Finally, it seemed to hit the largest brother, “Is Donnie ok?”

 “NO, he’s not, he came home trashed his room, and came to room in mumbling about some weird facts. When I tried to talk to him, he just fell apart.”

 “Where’s he now?”

 “Sleeping, he cried but after a while he just pulled away and curled up on my bed. I thought it was better to let him sleep there. I checked on his room, a breaking mess even by Splinters standards I picked up whatever I could. I only got done recently then I came in here.” Uh oh, he could feel the anger coming back, building in his stomach,” I told you something was wrong. I TOLD YOU something bad would happen! And now- “Leo paused, taking a breath, sometimes he forgot to do that when he was riled up, “Now he’s home, with a black eye, and I don’t know what’s going to happen when he wakes up- “

 “This isn’t’ dirt is it?”

 For a moment, Leo almost forgot whey he was so mad. In unison the three brothers turned towards the sputtering coffee pot to where said Donnie was standing, giving them all a confused if not suspicious look “Which one of you heathens made this?” Before exhausted eyes fell on Leo, “It was you wasn’t’ it? I got sick last time when you put fertilizer in my coffee- “

 “I- “ok shock over, “NO its just coffee I promise D.”

 Donnie narrowed his eyes at him, before looking back to his coffee mug. Sniffing it, “Ok I trust it for now, but if I end up getting poisoned again, I will NOT be happy. Now, if you will excuse me, I have A LOT of work to do.” Before exit the room

 For a moment, the remaining group could only stand there, before Mikey spoke up, “Um, yeah Leo he’s a total mess.”

 “I-He- “it wasn’t often he was at a loss for words, but it was known to happen. Instead he waved at Raph and Mikey, “Just give me a minute!” before running out of the room. By the time he reached Don’s bed room, Don had already set his cup down and was picking up one of the boxes, “I supposed I should thank you for cleaning this up, soooo consider this that.”

“No problem.” Back in the bed room and the remains of everything Donnie had destroyed last night. Now that he was more awake, he could see that, thankfully, the monitors and more complex equipment was undamaged, but Don’s personal computer anything else had been broken in one way or another. Don’s loft bed had even been knocked over, “I guess you had a rough night?”

 “I guess.” Donnie picked through the box before looking to Leo for the first time since he entered the room,” Have you seen my phone?”

 Leo thought back to that night before reaching into his satchel, “I found it in here last night, I’m sorta surprised you didn’t’ have it on you.”

“Thanks.” Donnie took the phone from him before setting it on his desk, calmly pulling out the head piece of his bust, and slamming the large piece of metal over phone a dozen or so times with such ferocity Leo leapt back to avoid the showing of metal and glass. He jumped back so far, he collided with the chest of his oldest brother who had come to investigate the noise, “What the hell just happened?!”

“Uh, “Leo wasn’t’ quite sure himself, “I think Donnie just destroyed his phone with his own face.”

 “Would you two calm down,” Donnie called from his spot, “I have extras and it backed up to my server.”

 Calming down would have been fun, except he had once seen Donnie yell at a kitten for looking at his phone. But instead he gave Raph a pat on the stomach, “I’ll take care of this go ahead.’” Except when he turned to walk back into the room, Raph grabbed his shoulder and yanked him out of the space hard enough to make Leo yelp in surprise. Spinning him till Leo was facing him, two giant hands on his shoulders as Raph glanced back into the bed room then to him, “Look I know you want to help Donnie, and that you’re way better at this then I am, but doesn’t it seem like you should leave him alone before he treats your face like his phone?”

“I know Donnie’s a little unpredictable sometimes, but I can handle him. It’s a twin thing, if there’s anyone who can help him chill out it’s Leon.”

 Raph gave him a look that clearly said, ‘do you REALLY have this or are you just saying that to make me go away’ but did so anyway. For a few moments, Leo stood at the doorway as Donnie puttered around the boxes. Donnie glanced at his direction with enough heat to stop him.  He probably would have stepped closer except Donnie still had a death grip on his bust and it was becoming more and more likely by the second. So instead he took a different approach, “Have you eaten yet Don?”

 “I’ll eat later, there’s too much work to do.”

 “I can see that.” He took a step deeper into the room again, “Do you want to talk about it?”

 “No.”

 That was about what he expected. Leo moved over to lean on Don’s desk. Without really thinking about it, he drifted his hand out to land on his brothers’ shoulder, “D, bro its me. It’s Leon Neon. You can talk to me ok man? Why don’t you tell me what happened at the Yokai Mart? Did you get mad at someone? Did you get lost- “

“I said no, now let it go. I went out, came back and now I’m working. End of story. Why don’t you go calm someone else down?”

A flush of shame filled him, of course Donnie had heard him say that. But he shook it off, “Come on you know I have to talk that way to Raph he doesn’t get you like I do.”

 “Yeah you get me, you can read my mind, you can defuse me. Now leave, I have a room to rebuilt”

 “Yeah it needs to be rebuilt because you destroyed it, don’t you understand that?!”

Don’s shoulder jerked free of his hand and turned to him, “I understand, Leo because I did it. I know what I did. If it had been or Mikey or even, you none of you would have given it a second thought. But because I have Autism, everyone’s freaked out. So, they have to send in the bomb squad.”

“Hey, I’m just trying to help, you’re the one who blew up- “

Before Leo could finish his thought, and to be honest he wasn’t sure wanted to before Donnie’s hands came up and shoved him hard in the chest. The red slider turtle stumbled back, his shell hitting the desk to his right with a crash before falling onto the ground. His head was spared any contact with the ground, but he looked at Donnie with shock, only to be met with the same shocked expression “Leo-I-I’m sorry are you alright?”

 “Yeah, just a little bruised.” He was about to climb to his feet when Donnie quickly took his hand and yanked him up hard enough to make him stumble. He danced for a little bit to keep standing before turning his attention back to Donnie, his eyes swimming in tears. “D- “

 “Can you please go now? I don’t want talk anymore.”

 “I- “Leo paused,” Donnie- “he wanted to argue. He wanted to stay. He wanted to assure Donnie that he was fine, that he was still here to help him. But now his brother was trembling so hard he was afraid he would fall apart altogether. And he knew if he tried to hold him like he did last night, it would only make things worst.

 Donnie didn’t want comfort, or a shoulder to cry on

 He wanted to be alone.

 “Ok. I’ll go. I’m sorry,” Leo took several steps back, unwilling to let his brother out of his sight incase he changed his mind and asked Leo to stay. But he knew better, “I love you bro.” he said before leaving through the curtain.

A moment later he heard Donnie burst into tears for the second time in twenty-four hours.

And he was left helpless

Part 1

Part 3

[memyselfandsomefanfiction]

Protocol Mom Card

Hiii! So I’m new here trying my hand at some fanfic and @propertyofpoeandbucky put up a mystery challenge that I decided to take part it. I asked for a prompt and here’s what she gave me “Be a responsible adult for once and face the consequences of your actions!”. So I tried my best and I really like it so I hope you do too! Thank you for reading! 

Bucky x Reader 

Words: ~1,500 

Warnings: some cussing? one f bomb and some bs 

All I hear is a crash over their yelling. Then silence. Silence is never a good thing with those two. All I wanted to do today is relax and use Bucky as a pillow as I catch up on 9-1-1, but no the two man childs have to ruin my plans. So now I am dragging Bucky with me to make sure they don’t escape. I am so over this bullshit.

“Bucky when we get in there you are to murder stare immediately. Arms crossed pissed off murder face. Steve and Tony have gone too far. I am over this. Got it?” I am in official mom mode as I ask (tell) him to help.

“No problem doll. We were finally learning what happened in Bobby’s past. I was comfortable and the punk and the idiot are just ruining it. So full on Winter face they get.” Bucky happily goes along with this plan.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.?”

“Yes miss?”

“When Bucky and I enter this room you are to lock it down no escapes. I am enforcing Protocol Mom Card and I do not need either of the two leaving. Feel free to alert the rest of the team of it’s happenings and broadcast it to them if they wish.”

”Yes ma’am. Protocol Mom Card enabled.”

“Thank you F.R.I.D.A.Y. A great help as always.”

As I walk into the room I see the worst possible outcome. The two humongous idiots have gone and broken the mug that Clint gave to Nat. She loves that thing and guards it like a dragon guards its horde. I heard the doors lock, but luckily the Idiots haven’t. Time to lecture some sense into these fools.

“Eh hem.” I try, but nope they’re stuck in their fight.

“Tony? Steve?” Nothing.

“CAPTAIN DORITO! TONY STANK!” There now I’ve got their attention.

They turn around looking like they’re going to start yelling at me instead of each other, but then they notice Bucky behind me and his expression. Slowly they look around and realize they have messed up. Slowly they start to inch away like they’re going to run.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.?”

“Yes miss?”

“Please inform these idiots what protocol has been enabled.”

“Protocol Mom Card has been enabled sirs.”

“Please also inform them of the next protocol that automatically becomes enabled if this proves to not work out.”

“Next up is Protocol Helicopter Mode. A S.H.I.E.L.D. approved nanny will be brought in for each of you. Boss’ will report to Miss Potts and Miss Y/L/N. Captain Rogers will report to Mr.Barnes and Miss Y/L/N. You will be on probation until you can prove you can be trusted.” F.R.I.D.A.Y. informs them.

At this point they have stopped trying to leave and dread has filed their faces.

“Now here is what is going to happen. You are going to go sit on the couch and listen to what I have to say. I will hear you out one at a time and if you try to interrupt each other I have no qualms about employing Bucky here to hold your mouth closed. He is not happy that our plans were interrupted so he will happily just sit on you and hold your mouth closed. Right darling?”

“Oh yes. I am over this shit and if sitting on them to shut them up helps I am your man Doll.” Bucky confirms.

“Now we are going to start with Tony. You may explain what this fight was about in your point of view. Now get started.”

“So it’s like this. Captain Tight Ass over there REFUSED MY OH SO GENEROUS OFFER OF BLUEBERRIES AND COFFEE. HE THEN TURNED AROUND AND JUST MADE HIMSELF A CUP FROM THE SAME POT HE DID IT TO SPITE ME! SPITE ME I TELL YOU! SPITE ME!.” Tony is very out of breath by the time he’s done.

“Now Steve without making comments about Tony’s explanation tell me your point of view of things.” I say rubbing my temples over this bullshit.

“I refused the blueberries because I had already had breakfast and was no longer hungry. As for the coffee after the Asgardian mead spiked coffee incident I don’t accept coffee in cups from him anymore.” Steve used his Captain lecture voice to get his point across.

“Oh dear lord someone shoot me. Bucky? Will you shoot me so I don’t have to deal with this? They didn’t even realize that Nats favorite mug is over there shattered because of this.” I pleaded.

“Oh Doll I won’t shoot you but Nat may shoot them for you. I doubt you’ll even have to ask. That mug was from Clint from years ago sentimental value and all.” Bucky happily states watching the two idiots faces go gray.

“Oh fuck.” Was the simultaneous mutter.

“Now now Language Stevie.” Bucky is really enjoying this.

“Now here is what is going to happen. I am going to tell you something important and then you two are going to clean up the mess, go out together and pick out a new mug for Nat that you put thought into. Tony you will also be calling that spa that Pepper likes and booking Nat a spa day. Steve you will give her the day off. You will present her with the gift and a full apology. Be responsible adults for once and face the consequences of your actions! If that means facing a murderous Nat then so be it maybe you will learn. Do the both of you understand?” I ask in full on Mom Voice.

“Do we have to actually go out? Can’t I just order from F.R.I.D.A.Y.?” Tony asks.

“For once I am in agreement with Tony. Going out to just buy a mug seems like a risk of getting mobbed and hounded.” Steve tries to reason.

“Well good. Buying a gift in person is more heartfelt and if you get mobbed and hounded by fans? Then oh well tell them you’re buying an apology gift. There. Plan made. It’s happening.” I am not backing down on this.

They just kind of stand there staring at me.

“Now what are you waiting for? Get cleaning! Work together! Tony no using bots I have DUM-E running an errand for me so don’t even think about it.” I give the marching orders.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.?”

“Yes miss?”

“Keep an eye on them both here cleaning and their shopping trip if you don’t mind.” I request.

“No problem miss. They will be monitored.” F.R.I.D.A.Y. informs me.

“Thank you. Now come on babe back to 9-1-1.” I grab Bucky and we leave them to it under F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s watchful eyes.

*Later that Night*

I was getting ready for bed when there was a knock on my door.

“Come in!”

In comes Nat. She takes a seat on mine and Bucky's bed while I am taking off a face mask at my vanity.

“I wanted to thank you for how you handled Steve and Tony earlier. Previously if they had broken something of someone else's it would be ignored and they would leave the mess for someone else to find because they end up so wrapped up in their stupid arguing. Now because of this I keep nothing of value sentimental or not in the common areas. I have a whole cabinet of doubles of that mug, Clint is clumsy enough without factoring in idiots arguing. Barnes was right when he said I would shoot them for you though. No one has ever gone out of their way like this for me. So as a thank you I managed to get Tony to add you to my spa day. You and I are going to be pampered and then at the end of the night Barnes is going to be taking you out on Tony’s dime. I know you were brought on to essentially nanny us, but you truly have become Team Mom and we do love you for it. So thank you.” She just smiles warmly at me.

“You have made my cry. I do love all of you and that’s why I am no longer getting paid to be Team Mom. I just love you guys and want to be sure you’re all taken care of. You and I are going to have an amazing spa day. Thank you.” I hug her hard as I stupidly cry.

“Now back to your husband I have cuddles to cash in and tv to watch. Tonight is Project Runway. We adore Tim Gunn.” I scoot her out my door and lock it behind her.

“You can come out now Mr. Assassin. You would think you would be better at hiding.” I scold.

“Now come on you just know me, she didn’t know I was here or else she wouldn’t have busted out that speech. So like you said you have some cuddles to cash in and some Tim Gunn to watch lets get to it.” He slaps my ass as he passes me to get into bed.

“Okay okay I’m coming.” I curl up with him and put on Project Runway to settle down for the night.

Fin

[n0kt3rnal]

WHOEVER IS LEAVING FLOATING SPOONS IN THE KITCHEN BETTER STOP IT, OR I’LL BE FILING A DISCIPLINARY!!!!!!! I’M NOT JOKING. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!!!!!!

-       BOB H. 

Reads the homemade sign sellotaped on the front of the door. So many exclamation marks. Bit pathetic really. I snatch the paper, crumple it quickly in my fist, then hurtle it towards a nearby wastebasket. The paper flies in a graceful arc and lands perfectly into the bin. I grin, elated by my accuracy and impeccable sense of timing. Ayla walks in not a moment later and scowls at my expression. 

“What have you done now?” She asks suspiciously. I shrug and answer,

“Why do you always think I’ve done something? Maybe I’m just having a good day. You ever think about that?”

“Uh huh. Sure. You’ve never done anything dangerous, immature and or irresponsible in your entire life. I’m being very unreasonable here,” she says it as if she means it, but it’s just Ayla’s personal brand of sarcasm. 

“Aw. Now you’ve hurt my feelings.” 

“Good,” she huffs and reaches for the door handle. I poke my tongue out at her whilst her back is turned. Immature. Pfft. Irresponsible. What utter rubbish. The door clicks and swings inward to reveal the office kitchen. Many misshapen spoons are suspended mid-air, floating in the middle of the room. They have been arranged in the perfect position to depict a hand with its middle finger up. Ayla immediately turns around and glares at me. “I swear to God David that better not have been you.” 

“Inspectre Bruno I would never!” I gasp in shock at the outrageous accusation. Ayla doesn’t answer. Her brows furrow into an even more annoyed expression. “You have no evidence,” I add quickly. 

“David don’t be a dick,” she sighs and slouches onto one of the plastic chairs. I consider saying something sarky back, but… her voice sounds strained. Like she’s too tired to ‘deal’ with me today. Ayla pulls a pen out of her suit pocket and starts fiddling with it. She doesn’t say anything else. I grab the chair next to her and wait patiently for her to tell me what’s going on. But she doesn’t. I lie over the table so that my head is resting on top of my arms, and I’m looking up at her thunderous expression. After a minute of total silence, I can’t take it anymore. 

“You look more pissed off than usual. Come on then. Who am I helping you take vengeance on? You can tell me. I know some excellent places to hide the bodies.” I wink, and Ayla tries not to smile. The flicker of humour in her expression vanishes. 

“We got kicked off the Archer case.” She doesn’t look at me when she says it. 

“Shit. It’s not because of that thing with the bear, is it? If it is, I can issue a formal apology-”

“No. Shockingly it wasn’t. At least I don’t think so, because the Director won’t tell me why. He said it’s classified.” 

“Classified?” I can barely believe what I’m hearing. Of course, everything we do is classified, but not to us. Just to the general public and the rest of the secret service. Ayla and I have had maximum security clearance for over two years now. 

“Uh huh. You heard me. Classified.” She sounds disappointed. But the way she says it implies she’s not going to chase it up. That she’s given up before we’ve even tried. 

“And you’re just going to accept that?” I snap at her. I know it’s not helping, but I’m angry. I get to my feet and begin to pace up and down, trying to come up with a way around it. They can’t take us off the case. Not when we’ve worked our asses off for it. 

“What else are we supposed to do David?” Ayla sounds exhausted. It’s not a question. She’s already decided that we do nothing. Then it hits me that she doesn’t seem shocked. If she’d just learned about it, she’d be just as pissed off as I am now. They must have told her over the weekend. She probably asked to meet me here so she could tell me about it. Maybe tried to work things out on her own with the board. Used her famous diplomacy and got blocked on every angle. Is that why she didn’t tell me straight away? Worried I’ll do something rash? That I’ll get us in trouble? The realisation does nothing to calm me down. If anything, it makes me angrier.    

“I’m going to see the Director,” I tell her, and head for the door. It slams open without me touching it. Alarmed, Ayla grabs hold of my jacket sleeve to try and stop me. 

“David, just stop it. He’s not going to listen to you any more than he will with me.” I pause. She has a point. Ayla has always been the better of us in managing the higher-ups. If I bust the door down all I’ll succeed in doing is causing a scene. I doubt I’d face any repercussions, but it’s not going to get us back on the case. Ayla lets go of my sleeve, and I turn to face her. The relief in her expression bothers me. What did she think I was going to do exactly? “Thanks,” she says.

“For what?” 

“Listening to me.”  

“I always listen to you.” 

“Hah. That’s a joke if I ever heard one.” There’s a bitterness to her tone that stings me. I’m used to her making scathing comments, but this is one she actually means. 

“I don’t always do what you tell me, but I always listen to what you have to say. I’m your partner, not your puppet.” I say it firmly, but not unkindly. Her sour expression turns guilty. 

“Sorry. That was uncalled for. I just feel rotten. We were so close to a breakthrough.” Ayla tugs at a loose strand of her coily hair. She does it whenever she’s feeling self-conscious. Or anxious. I reach for her shoulder. She looks a little surprised by the gesture but doesn’t move away. 

 “The only person I want an apology from is the Director.” 

“Yeah, like that’s going to happen.” Ayla laughs, and I smile. She gives me a playful shove, then heads over to the kitchen counter to start making a cup of tea. Her go-to cure for a bad day. 

“Maybe after we solve the case it will,” I call after her. She immediately puts down the mug.  

“David! I thought you were going to leave it?”

“What? Of course not.” I’m shocked she thought I would drop it. “I’m not going to turn the Director’s face inside out over it, but I’m definitely not letting it go. If they’re cutting us out of the case, I need to know why. It’s weird. They’re up to something.” Ayla thinks about it for a moment. I swear every muscle in her face gets tense when she’s considering something important.  

“Ngh! Ok. But strictly under the radar. You hear me?” She dodges around the spoon sculpture floating in the middle of the room, brandishing her pen at me. She pokes me with it a couple of times whilst she begins a furious lecture. “I swear to God if you float anything or bend any doors in half or set fire to something-”

“Ouch stop that. Since when have I ever set anything on fire? Actually… never mind. Don’t answer that.” 

“And I want in on everything. If we’re doing this, we’re doing it together. No running off on your own or doing anything crazy. And no disciplinary action reports! It reflects badly on both of us when you get them. If I have to sit through another committee meeting my head is going to explode!” I must have her really worked up over this. I don’t see why she cares about the disciplinaries anyway. They’re all for show. The board will never have the balls to actually fire me. 

“Ok, ok. Relax.” I snatch the pen out of her hand. She glares at me until I hand it back. “No pyrotechnics I get it.” Ayla sighs frustratedly into her palm and groans. After a couple of seconds, she composes herself, then asks,

“Could you really turn the Director’s face inside out?” 

I grin. “I don’t know. Something to try in emergencies.” Ayla laughs, then shakes her head.

“You’re unbelievable you know that?” 

I shrug and lean up against the kitchen counter. “Considering who we work for, I don’t think anything would shock me these days.”

“Don’t jinx it.” She laughs and leans back against the counter next to me. 

“As long as I get to see Bob’s face when he finds the uh… sculpture work… that somebody else that’s definitely not me left for him to find... then I’ll die happy.” 

“I knew it was you.”

“I’m not admitting to anything.”

“Maybe I should tell him,” Ayla smirks. 

“Don’t you dare,” I laugh. The way she’s smiling makes me feel warm and kind of fuzzy. I consider putting my arm around her shoulders but decide against it. Instead, I settle for seeing how relaxed and genuinely happy she looks right now. We stay side by side in comfortable silence for a while, and I find myself wishing my abilities included freezing time. I can never preserve moments like these, no matter how much I want to. Eventually, the moment ends, as they always do, and we head back towards the office. We have a mystery to solve. I doubt I’m going to like whatever we find. 

[meremennen]

Wait. You're aroused? Part 3.

A bellarke modern AU. 

[chapter 1] [chapter 2] 

Or read on AO3. 

Rating: M 

All mistakes are mine.

Chapter 3: Hiatus

"Bellamy is looking fine tonight," Raven sings, taking a long sip of her beer, then, for emphasis, nudging Clarke's shoulder with her nose. She is not too subtle about the teasing. (It's been weeks. Not anymore.)

It's Wednesday night. The show is on hiatus so they moved their gatherings from Clarke and Raven's apartment to Eden, their favourite neighbourhood bar. In some way, it is an improvement. They cannot be as loud as usual, but they are still spending Wednesday nights together. Instead of drinking the same bottled beer and munching on popcorn and Jasper ugly crying on their couch (and Miller teasing him for it), they are at the Eden already at 8 p.m. No ugly crying is involved, unless Jasper drinks too much and gets too emotional about his age or the time passing too fast. (Miller teases him for that too. But Miller teases everyone.)

Clarke takes a look at the man in question and shrugs. "He's okay."

But then, because she is a little tipsy she adds, "The glasses are really not doing it for me."

It's a lie.

Raven snorts.

"Whatever you say, babe."

Truth is though, now that Raven has brought up the glasses, she cannot look away. She is fixated on those glasses as if he's grown a second head. But worse than that, she cannot stop the flood of memories that invade her mind.

It was an early summer day when she stopped by his office at the museum wearing her favourite braless, strappy summer dress. That day is forever etched in her mind for many reasons, actually.

For one, that must have been the hottest day in human history. 

Two, as unsuspecting as she had been, she stormed into his office, mindlessly babbling about the heatwave being the sign of an impending apocalypse, only to be overwhelmed by a different kind of heat.

(Three, soon she learned first hand, the chill air in his office and the feel of the cool desk against her thighs, combined with the hot breath of his mouth on her skin was a true godsend.)

So when she found Bellamy Blake in glasses for the first time ever, all it took her to forget about the toasting weather outside was a dark look on his face and Bellamy rasping, "I want you.... Now."

Her nipples hardened on the spot. She nodded and stepped in closer, locking the door behind her. Hardly ten minutes later, she was clutching onto the edge of his table in the middle of his office, panting his name, with him licking rapturously between her legs.

And later, in their haste for scrambling for a condom, Bellamy's mug tumbled to the floor spilling its content – mostly pencils and paper clips and an actual bottle of ink on the floor.

Thanks to the thick carpet of his office the ink bottle remained intact. The ink spilled, though, leaving a mark behind. Last time she heard, that weird gorilla shaped patch was still gracing said carpet.

They did have an actual lunch after, his mussed up hair and his stupid cocky smile a very real reminder of their activities.

Clarke jolts out of her reverie, feeling herself flush.

She finds Bellamy staring at her. A moment ago he seemed to be lost in a heated conversation with Monty and Murphy but somewhere between now and then his eyes found hers and it feels like a magnet pulling on her sides. It is impossible to look away.

He adjusts his glasses as he adds something to their conversation.

No. No no no no no. That look he's giving her is too much.

She thought she was squirming – Squirming? Suffering! – in silence but when Raven leans into her side and mutters, "Jesus Christ, woman, I didn't know you had it this bad," she knows she is utterly busted. This is bad. Really bad.

She shifts in her seat and shakes her head.

"Go, and talk to him," Raven whispers under her nose. “For my sake.”

"I –– I think I just need some air," Clarke gets up to her feet all of a sudden. Raven shoots her a questioning glance, but she heads towards the back door, taking a few calming breaths.

What she hasn't noticed, though, is that Bellamy has excused himself to the bathroom right before her, and she is heading in the same direction.

She stops in her tracks when she finds him leaning against a wall. She actually stares, lips parting a little in surprise.

"See something you want, Clarke?"

The way he calls out her name is infuriatingly sexy. There's a subtle teasing edge to it which has had the opposite effect on her a while back; namely in the early stages of their acquaintance, when they were both stubborn assholes to admit they could be actually good friends.

Two can play this game, though, she thinks.

She takes a predatory step, or at least she hopes it comes across seductive, curling a hand around his bicep.

"Yeahhhh." Her voice is deeper and raspier than usual, giving a sultry feel to it. Goooood. "In fact, I am,” tilting her face upwards, keeping their eye contact.

He's moved closer, she notices, bringing them nose to nose, their breath actually mingling.

"I platonically want to have sex with you. No big deal.”

He huffs out a laugh and takes her hand. "Come on, “ and leads her away to that secluded little corridor only the staff uses when they stock up.

Next thing she knows, she's already shimmied out of her panties, her back hitting the wall, when Bellamy quickly snatches them out of her reach. "You'll get them back later," he breathes onto her neck and gets down to business at once.

It's a small miracle if they don't get caught. Honestly.

But she figures they are too worked up at this point to care or to stop this. Her panties are gone and she’s gasping his name as her fingers dig into his backside. His thrusts are equally urgent, the pull of her fingers and countered with a delicious push, he wants this. He needs this as badly as she does.

***

They don't get caught.

She's catching a glimpse of him as he's tucking his dick back into his pants and she has to turn away to take a steadying breath. He’s still hard, but he promised he was having a good time and not to worry about it.

She's just finished smoothing the wrinkles out of her dress and in the middle of combing her fingers through her hair, half a mind on those missing panties, when, unexpectedly, Bellamy's hot breath hits her skin for a second time that day. "On a second thought, I want to take you against the wall."

"Again?!"

"You feel so good."

And yes, he feels so good too. So so so good. She wants to tell him that, among other, sweeter things, but then he kisses her neck and her mind gets all scrambled, and she's close to combust on the spot anyway if he won't do anything about it.

She has just about enough mind left to ask, "How many condoms do you have exactly?"

"Enough," Bellamy growls, his voice sounds absolutely wrecked, and he proceeds to cage her in until his elbow finds support on the wall.

The next thing she remembers, he is already inside her. His right hand steadying her hip as his thumb is rubbing circles against her skin, soothing, and he’s hitting a particularly good spot inside her.

When he finishes this time, he presses his lips against her hair, lingering, just long enough to slip her underwear into her hands.

***

By the time they stumble back to their friends, with a pitcher of beer each in their hands, Jasper's head is down on the table, Miller patting his back.

"'S okay, bud, I know. I know. We'll get through this."

Murphy takes a contemplative look at them, before he takes the pitcher from her hand, refilling their cups, smiling to himself. Sure, he looks smug, but he doesn't comment and she pretends she didn't notice.

Raven raises an eyebrow. Clarke shrugs.

"Hey, Blake, your glasses are crooked."

Bellamy touches the frame. "They. Are. Not."

"My bad. Looked crooked from here."

***

The night is winding down eventually, it's almost midnight. They ended up sitting next to each other towards the third round of drinks.

Raven stands. "Hey, I'm gonna hit the night with this one here,” sticking out a thumb towards Murphy. "Bellamy, I'd appreciate if you made sure my girl makes it home safe and sound. The streets are dark."

Raven shoots her a text ten minutes later, don’t wait me up bb, im not making it home tonight. xoxo

That's the first night Bellamy kisses her when they almost part. And when he kisses her, he cannot stop at one kiss only, it is followed by another until they completely lose track of time. 

That's the first time he stays the night.

xx

******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

A/N. Any feedback would be nice!

& I have this Detective!Bellamy story I just reposted/edited and would appreciate if you could check it out. I am tempted to write another chapter if anyone is interested?

[bluraaven]

Smoke and Mirrors

Chapter 3

"What a shithole."

Reynauld put down the bag that contained their collected 'evidence' and followed Guyot's gaze.  He wasn't sure if his friend was referring to the condition of the room before or after they'd been through it, or to the motel as a whole.  Somehow it was impossible to imagine that it had ever seen better times.  It was a shabby place, where electric outings were the norm, and where the rooms were in worse shape than most of the prison cells he had seen.  

Through the grimy windows and broken shutters only a little light managed to find its way to illuminate the sad pile that were their meagre findings.

On the upside, the prosecution had sanctioned the raid almost as soon as they could pinpoint a location.  On the downside, it was only a partial success.  They had some of Dismas' belongings now, but they did not have the man himself.  The Chief had wanted a bust, and now all they had to show for it was a duffel bag full of clothes and a few toiletries.

"What do we have here?" Despite her being hidden behind the sofa, there was no mistaking the excitement in Lin's voice.   She laughed, then held up a flat object, waving it around triumphantly.

"What's that?"  Guyot asked, his eyes narrowing in an attempt to make out what it was their colleague had found.

"A notebook." Lin said, climbing back to her feet with a huge grin.

"Good work!" Reynauld praised with a smile of his own.  This had to be the best find yet.  Trust the sniper to find something good.  "Is that everything?"

"Yes," Lin confirmed.  "I was hoping to find a data stick too, or a CD, but no.  Only the laptop, and of course it would be hidden in the last place left," she huffed.  "So what do we do now?"

So far they had checked under the rug for hidey holes, they'd moved all the furnishings to check the spaces behind them; and finally they had taken apart some of the furniture.  There wasn't an inch left that had not had at least two police officers check it for something that might help their case.

"Bag it," Reynauld decided with a nod at the notebook, "And let's wrap this up."

"On it," Lin answered.  "I'll tell the others we're all done."  She pulled out her radio and disappeared through the doorway.  Reynauld nodded absent-mindedly, taking one last look at the room.  There was no telling that there had been a squad digging through it.  Everything was back in its place, and the room looked exactly as it had when they had arrived – minus any trace of its former occupant.

"Think he'll come back?" Guyot asked quietly.

"He would be stupid if he did," Reynauld responded, not at all alarmed by Guyot's mind-reading abilities.  After being friends for as many years as they had been, he had learned to live with Guyot's occasional bouts of clairvoyance.  "And we have been told he's anything but."

There was no point in waiting around.  Reynauld closed the door, and made for the staircase.  They would discreetly station a few police officers here, but Dismas had proven himself to be good enough at evading the authorities that there was not much hope of him returning to this place after their less-than-subtle approach.

"I guess the Chief makes mistakes too," Guyot dared to speak up when they were halfway down to the lobby.

"It wouldn't have hurt him to listen to me," Reynauld growled.  He refrained from hitting the rail, because it might actually come undone and kill someone on the ground floor.  Which would mean even more work for him.  "We could have had Paixdecoeur behind bars by now!  Why put me in charge if he was going to- ," he paused and made a vague motion in the air with his hand, "fuck it all up anyway."  Reynauld's shoulders slumped, most of the anger gone now.

He had opposed the raid from the start.  If he'd had a choice, Reynauld would have dealt with the matter the exact same way they did most undercover work.  Take the time to prepare and to verify their target was here.  And then strike before they guy knew what hit him.

"Hey," Guyot said, giving Reynauld's shoulder a pat.  "We'll get him.  He can't run forever."

Unless he had another hideout somewhere.  The one thing they had not found was money.  That meant that Dismas was not only smart enough not to trust the cleaning staff, it also meant he may have prepared for this very case.  If he packed up and left the country, they had no chance of picking up the trail.

"Meanwhile," Guyot lifted the bag that contained the notebook Lin had found, "What do you think we'll find?" he asked with a grin and a waggle of his eyebrows.

"I'll let you find out," Reynauld sighed.  

Back at the station, Dismas' clothing was searched for weapons or illegal substances, of which neither was found.  It was merely old and worn, but not making him guilty of any crime other than a bad sense of fashion.   Forensics identified Dismas' toiletries as soap and toothpaste – the latter being Wintry Spearmint by Dentacare, as one of Paracelsus' lab assistants was happy to inform Reynauld before asking if he wanted a spit sample (they'd already ran an unauthorized DNA test for reasons unbeknownst to any mortal).

Reynauld thanked him, declined the kind offer, and then backed out of the office without dropping eye contact until he was safe behind the doorsill.

From there on it was back to his office via a detour by the coffee machine, and then on to where Guyot was sitting bent over the notebook.  An old, scratched animal rights sticker that Reynauld had not noticed before indicated that the computer may not always have belonged to Dismas.

"What have you found so far?" he asked, leaning against the desk.

Guyot cast him a dark look, and Reynauld found his spirits lifting marginally.  There was nothing quite as good at improving one's mood as putting someone else in a bad one.

"A lot of steamy guy on guy action," Guyot replied, "and I have to look through every goddamn file, just in case there's something hidden there."

Reynauld hummed and took a sip of his coffee.  "Have fun."

"Ain't that more up your alley?" Guyot snapped, so Reynauld flipped him off, and left him to his work.  

It was a couple of hours later when Reynauld decided to make another round to see what progress had been made.  The sun was rising, streaking the black sky with ribbons of orange and pink, but except for those who had been on the raid or worked the night shift the bureau was still mostly deserted.

That excluded forensics and IT of course, but the current belief was those guys never slept anyway.

Lin, Ros and Stanley handed in their reports, and this time, instead of giving his attitude, Guyot looked at Reynauld with the woeful eyes of a suffering puppy.  So Reynauld took pity and grabbed an empty seat, deciding to keep his friend some company.

"Anything new?"

"Who even names their porn folder 'PORN'?" Guyot complained, but apparently he had found nothing incriminating.

Reynauld shrugged and looked at the screen where two guys were having a quick tumble in the shower.  And by quick he meant quick, because the video was playing at triple speed, which made it rather amusing to watch.  

Guyot told him about his plans to move together with Lucy, his girlfriend of two years, and Reynauld listened, making the appropriate noises at the appropriate time, and stealing a discreet look at the screen every now and then.

Secretly – because he would die if that thought was ever spoken aloud – he had to admit that Dismas didn't have the worst taste in erotica.  At least all the couples seemed to be genuinely enjoying what they were doing.

Eventually, Guyot sighed and rubbed his temples, and then hit the pause button.  He snorted at the frozen image of one of the actor's private area and slapped the laptop shut.

Reynauld just hoped that sometime before he had made sure that it was not password protected, or they'd have to take it to IT.

They decided to grab a coffee, even though it was a terrible idea because night shift was almost over, and Reynauld rather looked forward to going home and falling into bed face-first.

As it turned out, they were not the first ones to arrive at the kitchen.

"Hey, Lin," Guyot said, waiting until she ha d refilled the coffee machine before brewing a cup for Reynauld and for himself.  "What's up, Para?"

Paracelsus worked in forensics, and was officially forbidden to come within thirty feet of the kitchen without a police officer accompanying her.  There had been one too many cases of someone taking a spontaneous nap after having a cup of coffee, and it had taken the entire PD and a restraint order to convince her to keep her experiments to the inmates.

The doctor with her white lab coat always looked a bit out of place.  She had a slight hunch and large eyes, amplified by her glasses which gave her the appearance of a giant bird.

Reynauld was happy to sit down on the worn but comfy couch and to sip his coffee.  It tasted burned.  He waved off Para's offer of yellow and blue pills ("harmless stimulants, I swear!") and zoned out, letting Guyot and Lin do most of the talking.

"Hey doc, that girlfriend of yours isn't she – " Lin asked suddenly, and Reynauld realized he had long since stopped following the conversation.

"A critically acclaimed archaeology professor?" Para interrupted, wringing her hands.  "Yes!  Yes, she is."

"Is that a mugshot?"  Guyot asked, stretching to see something Paracelsus was holding, and while doing so he jostled Reynauld, who only narrowly avoided spilling his coffee into his lap.  It had grown cold, and he put the practically full mug away.

"No!" Para squealed, pulling away her precious photograph from curious hands and prying eyes.  "It's a driver's licence picture."

"Okay," Guyot laughed.  "Easy there, doc.  Ain't my business whom you date."

"What time is it?" Lin yawned.

"Two minutes past five," Para answered, after checking a silver wristwatch. Reynauld had never seen her wear one before, but then maybe it had been hidden by the floppy lab coat.

"One more hour," Guyot moaned.  "Someone shoot me please.  No thanks, Para."

"It's just something to induce a harmless coma-like state that is perfectly revertible with a shot of –," Paracelsus broke off as no one was listening to her anyway and pocketed the tiny and innocent-looking pink pill with obvious disappointment.

Most the hour passed in a stupor that ended abruptly when they received a paged message from downstairs that the first officers of the day shift had arrived, Mallory amongst them.  That gave them roughly a minute and a half to clear out the area, remove the evidence of any coffee breaks, and to return to their desks.

Guyot fell into his chair with a groan, and opened Dismas' notebook with an expression of intense pain upon his face.  It had just booted, when–

"Special agent Reynauld," A voice from behind them called out.  Reynauld and Guyot both turned to see Mallory approach – at least until she stopped dead in her tracks.  "... is that a penis!?" Mallory's voice rose high enough that even Ros and Marci stuck their heads out of their cubicles, a curious look on their faces.

"It's part of the investigation," Reynauld managed to force out, while next to him Guyot turned a shade that made his freckles indistinguishable from his skin.  At least the sound was off.

Mallory shook her head, and left, muttering something under her breath.

"Sometimes I hate my life," Guyot mumbled.  He still looked like he wanted to melt into the floor.  Reynauld snorted and leaned back, kicking up his feet to rest on the corner of the desk.  He checked the watch.  Twenty more minutes.

But then all thoughts of going home were driven from his mind when next to him Guyot shot upright.

"I found something!" Guyot shouted and tapped the screen.  "There's a text file in here, I knew it!"

Reynauld too sat more upright, feeling awake all of a sudden.  Would they really find something?  Contacts, numbers, maybe a location?  Something to link Paixdecoeur to the Grave Robber, or something to prove he had worked for the Wolf?  Information on El Abuelo, even?

The file took an insultingly long amount of time to load.  Guyot was drumming his fingers on the table, but stopped when a white document opened.  Black on white, in a neat cursive script, there appeared four lines of text:  

Roses are red,  

Violets are blue,  

Feds are pigs–  

Joke's on you.  

Reynauld had one look at Guyot's flabbergast face, and he managed to hold on to his composure for all of three seconds before he burst out laughing.

"Charming," Guyot said flatly and threw a pen at Reynauld that harmlessly bounced off his chest.  "This isn't funny, you know?"  But, as if to belie his words, he too was cracking up.  "What an arsehole," he hiccupped, "what a complete and utter dickbiscuit."

"Do you want to report your findings to the Chief?" Reynauld asked once the first fit had subsided, triggering another salve of laughter.  

"You do realize we have zero proof of... anything," Guyot asked a moment later, putting a dampener on their newfound good mood.

"But we do know Paixdecoeur is a wanted man in the North," Reynauld reasoned.  "Even if we don't find anything else, there are arrest warrants for him in five City-States, and that's only the ones we know about because they are cooperating with us."

"Then this was utterly pointless anyway," Guyot decided, stood up and stretched.  He worked the kinks out of his back, muttering, "I'm sending this in.   Maybe there's hidden files or what the fuck ever.  I hope they're full of dicks too."

Reynauld had to grin at the temper tantrum.  "They're IT, they've seen weirder shit."

Guyot hmphed. His finger was already hovering over the notebook's on-off button, when the machine made a plopping sound and a little blinking window alerted them they had just received a new message.

Guyot looked at Reynauld with his best 'what did I just do?' face.

Reynauld raised a brow.  "Aren't you going to check that?"

"Looks like a certain 'Sweetheart' has cancelled his or her appointment with our guy," Guyot said a moment later and turned the laptop so that Reynauld could see for himself.

Hey... so something came up and I'm afraid I can't make it to Jubie's tonight.  Pls don't be mad?  

Love ya, xoxo  

"Tonight," Reynauld said, giving Guyot a pointed look.

"Come on, you don't mean to – " his friend began, then shook his head.  "Of course you do.  Does 'Jubie's' even ring a bell?"

"Yeah," Reynauld replied, surprising himself and Guyot, both.  He shrugged, but the name did sound familiar.  "Open the chat log," he commanded.  

Guyot pulled up the log for the past couple of years and once it had loaded, he scrolled up a bit.  They found a blurry but recent picture that looked like it had been taken on a phone, by a very drunk person.   Despite its poor quality, it was unmistakably their guy in the parking lot of what Reynauld guessed to be a bar.  Unfortunately, the neon lights in the back were too unfocused to make out what they said.

Reynauld suddenly felt wide awake.  "Go through everything," he instructed his friend, tapping the laptop with his index finger.  "I will tell the others to get searching, now."

It may be by accident, but they were on to something.  He could feel it.

"Everything?" Guyot repeated with audible reluctance.

Reynauld nodded, and left him to gather the rest of the team for a briefing.  A while later Guyot found him in his office, pacing.

"Rey.  Marci's got something.  Jubert's Taphouse."

Of course there was a chance that it wasn't the right place, or that the message was a code for something else, but it was their only solid lead.  They had to follow it.

"What about the notebook? Reynauld wanted to know, recalling that his friend had a task to perform.

"I gave it to Ros," Guyot replied, waving the matter away.

"Excellent."  Reynauld grabbed the keys to his locker out of his desk drawer.  "Let's go."

"You want to go there?"  Guyot asked.  "Now?"  He looked at the clock.  "It's seven.  My shift's been over for an hour."

Reynauld gave him a pat on the back, which they both agreed was better than a boot in the arse, and they jogged downstairs to change into their normal day clothes.  This morning's trouble meant that they did not have to borrow an unmarked car, they could just take Reynauld's.

Jubert's taphouse was not easy to find.  It was a squat one-story pub sitting between much larger and more modern buildings.  Fifth Square was just one street in the labyrinth that was the old industrial district.   Except for some breweries and the one or other atelier most of the factories had shut down.  Now expensive loft apartments could be encountered right next to brick and glass warehouses which had been turned into clubs.

Barques were dropping people off at the nearby pier, and restaurants were popping up left and right.  Everywhere advertisements reminded you that the huge empty halls could be rented for a party.

Amidst all that, Jubert's taphouse seemed to be stuck in the last century – if one could look past the electric lighting.  Reynauld looked over at the passenger seat, where Guyot was watching the establishment with his chin propped up in his hand.

"Shall we?"

Behind the counter, a bored looking woman with too much eye makeup barely made the effort of lifting her painted eyelids when they entered.

"Where's the – ?"  Reynauld did not get any further before she pointed down the corridor.  He nodded and followed in the direction her neon orange nail pointed.  The pretext of having to use the restroom gave him the opportunity to get somewhat familiar with the layout of the bar.  The kitchen area was closed off, as was a back entrance into a high-walled courtyard.  If he had to guess, Reynauld would say it hid an illegal fighting ring.  But that wasn't why they were here.

He only had a few minutes before he had to make his way back.  The waitress was nowhere to be seen, and Guyot was waiting for him back at the car.  He remembered why the name of the bar was familiar.  Not a year ago they had taken down a drug ring just two streets further.

"Here," Guyot handed Reynauld the pack of cigs he had apparently just purchased and effectively ripped him out of his thoughts.

Reynauld stared at the small package that landed in his lap.  "I quit."

"Yeah, well."  Guyot shrugged.  "I never started, so keep them."  A moment of silence, then, "You're thinking."

"Hm?"

"You got your thinkin' face on," Guyot remarked snickered, and then added, "and nothing good's ever come of that."

"Thanks," Reynauld replied drily, but decided to share his thoughts with his best friend and partner.  "You won't like it," he decided.  

"The last time you said that we were in a stolen tank in Tipolis."

"Heh." Reynauld had to chuckle.  He might grow old and forget where he lived or what his name was, but he knew Guyot would never let him forget that.  "It wasn't so bad."

"They were firing mortars at us!"  Guyot recalled.

"Look," Reynauld interrupted the tirade that he knew was coming.  "We don't know much about Paixdecoeur, but we've seen enough to be sure of one thing: he likes men, and uniforms.  And... I still got some of my old army stuff."

"You're right," Guyot replied.  "I don't like this."  A pause, then, "Has it occurred to you that he might have downloaded this stuff just to mess with us?  That poem was no coincidence."

"No, I am utterly naive and it's never crossed my mind," Reynauld retorted.  He thought it was highly unlikely their guy had gone through all the bother of actually picking thematically matching videos just to potentially prank some law enforcement officer.

"But... why?" Guyot asked.  "Why not just... stick to the plan?"

"We don't have a plan," Reynauld reminded him.

"If that Dismas guy is there, we can arrest him straightaway," Guyot suggested.

"I don't want to find out how many of those patrons own illegal weapons," Reynauld countered, "Do you?"

He knew by the defeated sigh that he had just won the argument.  "If I can get him out without raising suspicion, I will do that.  If it doesn't work, we do it the hard way."

"So, what?  You just walk up to the guy and chat him up?"

Reynauld shrugged.  "That's usually how it goes, yeah."

"Fine!"  Guyot threw up his arms in surrender.  "Just tell me this; how do you plan to convince the Chief?"

"I... don't," Reynauld answered after a moment's consideration.  "I'll ask Mallory"

"Good fucking luck."

"Thank you," Reynauld said.  And just because it seemed necessary to point it out, "You're coming with me."

Guyot's contribution to that conversation that happened twenty minutes later, was to furiously wave his arms every time Reynauld had said 'we', whilst pointing his thumb at Reynauld, who could actually see his every move out of the corner of his eyes.

"Did I understand you correctly," Mallory clarified after Reynauld had finished describing their plan.   "That you are asking me for permission to seduce your target?"

AN: you cann find the whole story here

[davidegbert]

App Watch: the best new iPhone and iPad games released this month

Byline

Chris Kerr

App Watch: the best new iPhone and iPad games released this month

It'd be an understatement to say that the Apple App Store is a big place - there are thousands of new titles hitting its digital shelves each and every week.

It's an unprecedented situation that often results in great games being overlooked, buried under a mountain of soulless endless runners, tepid Candy Crush clones, and uninspired MMOs.

With that in mind, we want to shine a spotlight on those games fighting the good fight. Here are this month's most interesting new releases.

These are the newly released games that'll keep your tablet or smartphone 'appy this April

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April 2017 • March 2017 • February 2017 • January 2017 • December 2016 • November 2016

April 2017

Dynasty Warriors: Unleashed (£Free + IAP)

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My friend. You have been chosen. Only you can unite the three kingdoms and fulfil the vision of your ancestors. If you fail… blah, blah, blah. Look, I won't bore you with the story details, because we both know that isn't why you're here.

You're here because this is Dynasty Warriors - the frantic hack and slash franchise that arms you to the teeth, chucks you into enormous battles, and whispers "go nuts" softly in your ear. And that's exactly what you'll be getting with Dynasty Warriors: Unleashed, which manages to bring the long- running series to mobile without losing any of that maniacal, spear-twirling, button-mashing magic.

Well, actually the buttons didn't make the cut. But you know what I mean.

Download Dynasty Warriors: Unleashed here for iOS

KAMI 2 (£Free + IAP)

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Remember KAMI? The breezy puzzler from State of Play Games that massaged the mind with its colourful conundrums. Well, it got a sequel!

The aptly titled KAMI 2 is just as much fun as its predecessor, but packs an even bigger punch thanks to the inclusion of more than 100 hand-crafted puzzles and thousands of daily challenges.

But wait, there's more. Because this time around you can create your own gorgeous papercraft riddles and share them with the world. Just try not to make them obscenely difficult. It's meant to be relaxing, y'know?

Download KAMI 2 for iOS here

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The Frostrune (£4.99)

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Hey, did you say you're a huge fan of classic point-and- click puzzlers? And you also happen to enjoy digital dishes inspired by Viking folklore and wider Norse mythology? Well boy oh boy, isn't this your lucky day.

That just so happens to be precisely what Snow Cannon Games' moody puzzler The Frostrune is all about. And there isn't even a catch, because The Frostrune is a superb slice of vintage point-and-click gaming that tells a well-crafted, compact tale that intrigues from the first second to the very last.

If that sounds like your cup of tea, then sip away my friend, sip away.

Download The Frostrune for iOS here

The Elder Scrolls: Legends (£Free + IAP)

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Fus-ro- dah! Sorry, I had something stuck in my throat. Now, where were we? Oh right: The Elder Scrolls: Legends.

First of all, put away that axe. You won't need it in this corner of Tamriel. In these parts we let our cards do the talking. That's right, in The Elder Scrolls: Legends, Bethesda has traded-in the steel and spells in favour of (digital) cardboard. Because, much like Hearthstone, Legends asks players to build a deck of cards - based on the world and lore of the titular franchise - and duke it out with players around the world in pursuit of those all-important bragging rights. 

There's also a solo story mode that'll teach you the ropes and get you started, but the real draw here is the multiplayer. So grab your best deck and get yourself down to the arena. You don't want to keep your adoring fans waiting.

Download The Elder Scrolls: Legends for iOS here

Oxenfree (£4.99)

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A group of troubled yet inquisitive teenagers make their way to a strange island for some coming-of-age shenanigans. Everything goes exactly according to plan and they get the first boat home after a night of sensible pop-drinking and PG-13 storytelling. The end.

In a world without '80s horror movies, maybe that's how Oxenfree plays out. But this isn't that place. This is a world that thought up the likes of Jason, Mike Myers, and Freddy Krueger. A world where teenagers should know better than to go exploring strange places, and doing silly things like "splitting up" and "throwing parties" and "opening supernatural rifts."

Will those kids ever learn? Probably not. But it makes for one hell of a video game, so we're not too cut up about it.

Download Oxenfree for iOS here

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Ticket to Earth (£6.99)

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So your mining colony is going bust and you need to get on the last ship back to Earth, pronto. But there's a catch: there aren't enough tickets for everyone, and you aren't part of the one percent that gets to go back home.

What do you do in the face of such brash, political lunacy? Lay down and accept your fate, or stand up and fight for what's right? That's the Orwellian premise propping up Robot Circus' episodic puzzle-RPG, and that's not even the half of it.

Peel back the layers and you'll find a rewarding, tactical combat system, deep character progression, and psychedelic visuals that prove dystopian fiction doesn't always have to be drenched in drab grey.

Download Ticket to Earth for iOS here

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TypeShift (£Free + IAP)

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TypeShift is the latest word game from SpellTower creator Zach Cage, who's become something of a linguistical legend in these here parts. Once again, Cage implores players to manipulate those crazy little things we call letters to solve puzzles by putting words back together.

According to Cage himself, TypeShift is best described as "anagrams meets wordsearch, with a sprinkle of crosswords." We'll be honest, that sounds a little complex for our taste.

Fear not, though, because Cage also happens to be something of a game design whizz, and what he's done is take that mouthful of a concept and turn it into a well-oiled, super-smooth puzzler that's a masterclass in every sense of the word.

Download TypeShift for iOS here

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Virexian (£Free + IAP)

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Virexian is an '80s disco on steroids. An eclectic trip of a game that shares more in common with a herd of stampeding wildebeest making a beeline through a Jackson Pollock painting than it does a video game. If that hasn't' already sold you on First Mutant's on-the-go, all-action roguelike then I don't know what will.

Except maybe if I told you that Virexian is basically the lovechild of Geometry Wars and a fully-automatic paintball gun. Yes, I have no idea how those two things would mate, but that's besides the point.

The point is that if you like chiptunes, neon-splattered visuals, and watching giant pixels go 'boom,' then Virexian might just be the love of your life. So, let's get you two acquainted.

Download Virexian for iOS here

JUMP TO SECTIONS

April 2017 • March 2017 • February 2017 • January 2017 • December 2016 • November 2016

March 2017

Turmoil (£5.99)

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Dig, dig and dig some more - because that's the only way you're going to hit the big time in the land of the free, where oil is worth more than its weight in, well, gold. Business is hard and times are tough, but if you're savvy and willing to bet it all on a big payout, you might just be able to ride the 19th-century oil rush all the way to the top.

Whether you want to play by the rules or bend them is up to you — after all, in this industry it's not honesty that matters, only power.

Download Turmoil for iOS here

Archer Dash 2 (£Free + IAP)

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Dubbed an "endless shooter" by developer Gray Giant Games, Archer Dash 2 takes some vintage tap-to-dodge infinite sprinter essence and throws it in the blender with a healthy portion of Robin Hood shtick and some hearty retro visuals.

Peel back the pixel art curtain, though, and you'll see there's an awful lot going on behind the scenes. In fact, Archer Dash 2's smorgasbord of mechanics can feel a little overwhelming at first, but stick with it and you'll soon realise the reward of a good old-fashioned challenge.

Download Archer Dash 2 for iOS here

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Narcissus (£Free + IAP)

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Think you're a dab hand at multitasking? Good, then Narcissus is the game for you. But be warned, this little blighter is going to put you through your paces.

That's because in this finite runner, you've got the unenviable task of guiding not one, but two versions of the titular egotist to the end goal. The thing is, the levels aren't as perfectly reflected as Narcissus' lovely mug, so you'll have to keep your eyes on two alternating sides of the same coin if you want to save him from certain death.

Download Narcissus for iOS here

The Warlock of Firetop Mountain (£4.99)

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Remember those Fighting Fantasy gamebooks from days gone by? Well, the good folks at Tin Man Games have taken one of the very first, The Warlock of Firetop Mountain, and given it a 21st-century lick of paint.

Instead of plain ol' paper adorned with archaic letters, Firetop Mountain now takes place on a fully 3D digital playing board, making for an experience that's as gorgeous as it is engrossing. That winning aesthetic is joined by a revised grid-based combat system that forces players to think more strategically about how they take down their foes.

Oh, and if you're worried the digital switch will have sapped the old-school adventure of its soul, put those fears to bed. If anything, it feels more alive than ever.

Download The Warlock of Firetop Mountain for iOS here

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Gravity Galaxy (£Free + IAP)

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One-touch, planet-hopping puzzler Gravity Galaxy casts you as an intergalactic explorer with a simple mission: see the stars - and collect a few along the way.

As you hurtle through the cosmos, slingshotting around planets, nabbing power-ups and outrunning the odd supernova, you'll have to think fast and act even faster if you want to return to Earth in one piece.

Download Gravity Galaxy for iOS here

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Causality (£1.99)

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Cause and effect. They're the things that make the world tick over, with every action resulting in a subsequent reaction. But those words take on new meaning when you can control time - and that's exactly what you'll be doing in Causality.

As a venerable time lord, you'll need to rewrite the history books to help a band of stranded astronauts reach safety. By working with your past selves, you should be able to alter the world around you to guide each intrepid explorer back home. Of course, I say 'should' because it's never really that simple, is it?

Download Causality for iOS here

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Tavern Guardians (£2.99)

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Take a well-polished hack-and-slash and mash it together with an addictive match-3 experience and you'll have something that tastes… I mean looks a little bit like Tavern Guardians.

In this premium hybrid, swathes of monsters advance through tiles on the game board, and the only way to stop them (and their dastardly plans) is by slashing them to ribbons using some quick-fire matching skills. It's not just you against the world, though.

And, with four different adventurers to choose from, each with their own unique hero abilities, I'm sure you'll win the day in no time. Well, sort of sure.

Download Tavern Guardians for iOS here

Glitchskier (£1.99)

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Pitched by developer Shelly Alon as a "nervewired" action shooter, Glitchskier is the stuff of retro dreams — a sensory thrill-ride soaked in synthetic, saccharine neon charm.

While most of you will be pulled in by the shooter's evocative visuals and splendid electronic soundtrack, you'll be staying for the gameplay, which riffs on the likes of Asteroids and Geometry Wars while adding a few neat ideas of its own.

Download Glitchskier for iOS here

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April 2017 • March 2017 • February 2017 • January 2017 • December 2016 • November 2016

February 2017

Splitter Critters (£2.99)

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Splitter Critters does exactly what it says on the tin. See, there are these critters, and you've got to guide them back to their spaceship by literally splitting the world around them.

It's more than a little bit similar to Lemmings. But there's nothing wrong with that because, hey, Lemmings was terrific. The difference here is that instead of trying to navigate around dangerous obstacles, you can remove them from the equation entirely by slicing up and tearing levels with a flick of your finger.

Unfortunately, just like those pesky lemmings, these critters are as hapless as they are cute, so you'll need to do all of the legwork. Typical.

Download Splitter Critters here

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A Normal Lost Phone (£2.99)

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There's a phone in your hand and it doesn't belong to you. But it's owner is long gone, so you'll need to have a quick nosey if you want to track them down.

That's the general gist of A Normal Lost Phone, an intimate narrative adventure game that morphs the decidedly mundane occurrence of stumbling upon a lost mobile into something preposterously compelling.

As you sift through the life of a complete stranger, poring over their private pictures, emails, and text messages, you'll begin to unravel a mystery that's guaranteed to tug on your heartstrings.

Download A Normal Lost Phone here

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Sky Dancer (£Free+IAP)

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Not at all based on the Elton John song of similar name, Sky Dancer is an endless runner that doesn't care about high-scores and collectibles. I mean sure, there are scores to beat and coins to collect, but this one is all about the journey, not the destination.

That's because the devs over at Pine Entertainment want to take players on a zen-inducing trip through the skies. As you soar through the air, leaping between floating islands like an expert trapeze artist, you'll feel a sense of calm wash over your body.

Indeed, It's rare for a high-score chaser to feel so gloriously liberating. So hold me closer Sky Dancer. Count the headlights on the highway.

Download Sky Dancer here

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Star Wars: Force Arena (£Free+IAP)

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The Force is with you, young Skywalker. But you are not a Jedi yet. Now you can prove old man Vader wrong by jumping into Star Wars: Force Arena and taking on other players from around the world in fast-paced real-time battles.

Like a cross between Clash Royale and every MOBA under the sun, Force Arena asks players to bring together a team of iconic Star Wars heroes or villains before throwing them into quick-fire skirmishes where the objective is to take your opponents base without surrendering yours.

It's hardly a novel concept, but Force Arena is a tight, well-oiled offering that makes good use of the Star Wars license. Now we've got that out of the way, tell me, did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the wise?

Download Star Wars: Force Arena here

Bubble Witch Saga 3 (£Free+IAP)

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Bubble Witch Saga 3 is everything you'd expect, and that's no bad thing. Especially if you're a fan of well-rounded, super slick puzzlers from the best in the business.

After all, it's no secret that developer King — you know, the studio behind a little game called Candy Crush Saga — knows how to make compelling match-3 score chasers, so it won't come as a shock when I tell you that this threequel is one of the best on the App Store.

It doesn't reinvent the wheel by any stretch of the imagination, but a few tweaks here and there, like the inclusion of new game modes and characters, help keep things interesting. Sure, it's not going to blow your mind, but it's another solid entry in an exceptional series.

The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth (£14.99)

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The definitive edition of Edmund McMillen's critically acclaimed roguelike has finally arrived on the App Store. If you already got your mitts on this one before it made the leap to mobile, you don't need me to tell you why it's a big deal.

But what if your mitts were predisposed at the time? Well, allow me to explain. The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth is a tale of sorrow and all-out- action. Poor Isaac has been locked up in a basement by his overzealous religious parents. The only way to escape? Fight your way though hordes of monsters and demonic creatures.

Randomised dungeons and permadeath means finding a way out won't be easy, but Rebirth's rapid-fire, fleet-footed gameplay turns what could be a frustrating slog into a thrill-a- minute rollercoaster ride.

Download The Blinding of Isaac: Rebirth here

Drop Flip Seasons (£Free+IAP)

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Look, just put the ball in the bucket and we can all go home for supper. It's easy. You just need to open a few gates and let your spherical companion drop to the…wait. What's that triangle doing there? Okay, just move it out of the way. Flip that isosceles. Oh, and slide over that equilateral.

That's Drop Flip in a nutshell. Like a DIY project for gravity-addicted, shape loving maniacs, BorderLeap's physic's based puzzler asks players to manipulate contraptions of all shapes and sizes with one not-so- simple aim in mind. Think putting a round object in a bucket is easy? Think again, hombre.

Download Drop Flip Seasons here

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Red's Kingdom (£1.99)

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Mad King Mac has kidnapped your dad and pinched your prized golden nut - c'mon, he called himself the "Mad King," are you really surprised? - and now it's down to you to save the day.

To do that, you'll need to step into the shoes of Red, a spritely fox with heaps of courage. Actually foxes don't wear shoes, but you get the picture.

Your quest will take your through strange lands, littered with dangerous foes, shiny collectables, and head-scratching puzzles. Can you save the day, or will you be outfoxed? Muster your courage, because it's time you found out.

Download Red's Kingdom here

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April 2017 • March 2017 • February 2017 • January 2017 • December 2016 • November 2016

January 2017

Super Mario Run (£Free+IAP)

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It's-a-him, Mario! And he's on your smartphone for the first time ever. That's right, Nintendo made its full-fledged mobile debut (Pokemon Go was Niantic's baby) in December with the launch of Super Mario Run, but was it worth the wait?

The simple answer is, "yes." Super Mario Run is a supremely polished one-touch platformer that manages to streamline the classic Mario experience you know and love without sacrificing any of its charm. Terrific level design, compelling challenges, and uber-responsive controls ensure Nintendo's mobile transition is a call for celebration, rather than frustration.

Download Super Mario Run for iOS

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Dawn of Titans (£Free+IAP)

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You might think Dawn of Titans' biggest draws are its stunning visuals and dedication to letting giants smash things up. Okay, I'll admit, those are the cherries on top, but the real hero here is Dawn's remarkable control scheme.

All too often are mobile RTS' bogged down by dodgy controls, with most devs struggling to find a scheme that can cope with the complexity of large-scale conflicts. Dawn of Titans clears that hurdle with eye-rolling ease. Here, your units can be sent to their deaths with simple taps and swipes, and while things do get a little more complex as skirmishes wear on, generally speaking, it's a joy to behold.

If you think tactically, you'll be able to set traps and dictate the flow of battles without ever breaking a sweat, meaning you can stop worrying about finicky controls and start worrying about that titan tearing your troops limb from limb. Poor little guys.

Download Dawn of Titans

The Walking Dead: A New Frontier (£3.99)

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The third season of Telltale's critically acclaimed take on The Walking Dead has finally arrived, and while the studio has gone on to tackle a number of big name franchises like Game of Thrones and Batman in the meantime, this is the one fans have really been waiting for.

Times though, haven't changed. And as most of you will remember, when you're trying to survive the zombie apocalypse every single choice matters. Life and death are in your hands, but it's not a question of good vs. evil. It's simply a matter of how much you're willing to sacrifice to see out the day.

Buy The Walking Dead: A New Frontier for iOS

Don't Starve: Shipwrecked (£3.99)

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Just when he'd finally mastered the art of surviving in the grassy wilderness, Wilson has gone and gotten himself shipwrecked on a desert island. Will that lad ever learn? Well actually, he'd better learn fast if he's going to get out of this one.

Unlike that famous volleyball, our Wilson doesn't have a certain Tom Hanks to rely on. That means you'll need to use every ounce of wit at your disposal to keep him alive. Don't be fooled into thinking this is a tropical paradise, because behind those palm trees is a whole world of danger where everything (yes, literally everything) is trying to kill you. New seasons, new creatures, and new biomes might be the talk of the town, but it's still the same old story: do or die.

Buy Don't Starve: Shipwrecked for iOS

Galaxy on Fire 3: Manticore (£Free+IAP)

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Galaxy on Fire quickly established itself as one mobile gaming's most important standard bearers. Each entry has raised the bar, delivering experiences that some have even dared to call "console quality."

Now while I wouldn't go quite that far, there's no denying that Galaxy on Fire 3 is edging nearer to that holy grail. For starters, the game looks phenomenal. Each vast stage is filled edge-to-edge with colour and intricate detail, imbuing the universe with a genuine sense of grandiose scale. Combat is fast, responsive, and fluid. And if you're finding things a little too easy, don't forget to turn off auto-aim. Because jetting through space shouldn't be as simple as dusting crops.

Download Galaxy on Fire 3: Manticore for iOS

ShapeMe (£Free+IAP)

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ShapeMe is a balmy match-em-up from Umbrella Games that packs a surprising punch. At its core, the game is a simple geometric puzzler that asks players to merge shapes in super-quick time to blast through levels and save the dreams of a kingdom.

The story takes a backseat here, but lets face it, that's not what you're here for. What you're after is a puzzler with bite, and despite it's fluffy trappings, that's what you're going to get. It's time to shape up, or ship out.

Download ShapeMe for iOS

Apollo Justice - Ace Attorney (£Free+IAP)

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Fancy yourself as something of a legal eagle? Well, you might always win those dinner table arguments, but how'd you fare in a real courtroom? Find out by slipping on the well-polished shoes of Apollo Justice, a rookie defence attorney who's about to hit the big time.

You won't just be strutting your stuff in front of the judge, though. No, there's more to being a lawyer than fancy words and killer suits. There are crime scenes to visit, evidence to collect, and witnesses to interrogate before you even think about putting together a case. Any objections? I thought not.

Download Apollo Justice - Ace Attorney for iOS

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Bully: Anniversary Edition (£4.99)

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To celebrate the 10th anniversary of its tongue-in-cheek, schoolyard shenanigans simulator, Rockstar has given Bully a new lick of paint and slapped it on smartphones.

The Anniversary Edition features all the extra content from Bully: Scholarship Edition, improved lighting and textures, enhanced graphics, high-res support, and new multiplayer challenges. So, if you and your friends have ever wanted to find out who can dissect a frog the fastest, or take control of a flying squirrel (wait, that's not on the curriculum), now you can.

Buy Bully: Anniversary Edition for iOS

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December 2016

Don't Grind (£free + IAP)

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Picture the scene. There's a cute banana hovering above two giant buzzsaws. Its fearful, wide-eyed stare pierces your very soul. You have the power to save it. But the question is; do you?

If you're me, the answer is no. I let that banana tumble straight on down into saw town, mainly because I just wanted to see what'd happen. Following that admittedly sadistic incident, you'll be pleased to hear I did my best to save every sentient critter I came across - be it banana, pumpkin, or chicken leg.

I'd like to say my motivations were selfless. But, honestly, I was in it for the high-scores. That's right, if there's one thing I love more than animated fruit being turned to mush, it's topping leaderboards.

And the only way to get to the top in Don't Grind is by doing exactly that; saving your terrified companions from the toothy blades below. You won't always succeed, so try not to take it too hard when your digital friends get ground to a pulp. They probably had it coming.

Download Don't Grind for iOS

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Flip King (£free + IAP)

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Once Christmas has passed and New Year has left you hanging, there's not much else in the way of festive commemorations to look forward to. That's until you remember that Pancake Tuesday, more commonly (and wrongly) referred to as Shrove Tuesday is right around the corner.

And what better way to get into the Pancake spirt than by honing your flipping skills in Qwiboo's one-touch score chaser, Flip King? As simple as the name suggests, your aim is to flip, flip, and then flip some more until you become the undisputed master of the flip.

No, not the Master Flipper, but the Flip King. A title steeped in history and renown - or, at least, that's what I tell myself.

Download Flip King for iOS

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Yankai's Triangle (£2.29)

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Every triangle has three sides. So you can slap three triangles onto one triangle to get four triangles. Then you just need to, erm, take three more triangles and stick them…

Look, the more you think about Yankai's Triangle, the more confusing it gets. So I'll just say that the vibrant puzzler is a confounding and altogether mesmerising concoction pulled from the remarkable psyche of Circa Infinity creator, Kenny Sun.

The game was pitched by Sun as a love letter to those equilateral enigmas, but if that's the case, I have no idea what language it's written in. Still, just because I don't speak Triangle, it doesn't mean I can't appreciate Sun's work. And make no mistake, there's a lot to appreciate here.

In fact, I'd go as far as to suggest that Sun is quickly establishing himself as one of the App Store's master craftsmen. One glance at Yankai's Triangle should tell you that much, but the proof, as they say, is in the pudding. So go get yours.

Download Yankai's Triangle for iOS

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Icarus (£free + IAP)

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Tell me, do you recall the tale of Icarus? The young boy who attempted to escape from his island prison with wings made of feathers and wax, only to meet his fiery doom?

Ah, you do? Well I wish I hadn't mentioned it now, because it has absolutely nothing to do with PlaySide's game of the same name. But you have to admit it was a sweet intro.

In fact, serene puzzler Icarus - A Star's Journey turns the Greek myth on its head by challenging players to catapult a fallen star back to the heaven with the help of your trusty fingers. Easy, you say? Funny. That's what Icarus said.

Download Icarus for iOS

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Football Manager Mobile 2017 (£free + IAP)

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The App Store has made a new signing. Someone called F. Manager. Heard of 'em? If you have, then you don't need me to tell you that it's a name worth remembering, and that Football Manager is one of the most addictive, all-consuming games in existence.

If you've not heard the name in a while, or ever (where have you been), then allow me to briefly introduce you. Football Manager Mobile 2017 is the portable version of Sports Interactive's long-running footy management sim.

It's a detailed, deep, and rewarding title that lets you take charge of (almost) any team you can think of and guide them to the very pinnacle of world football. Fancy taking a League 2 team to the Champions League final? You can do it. Want to sign a handful of young stars for your local side and tear up the league? You can do it? Want to take charge of Leeds and get sacked in weeks? You. Can. Do. It.

Download Football Manager Mobile 2017 for iOS

Party Hard Go (£4.99)

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Have you ever been to one of those parties? You know, the one where you weren't actually invited, but you could overhear it from your bedroom so you decided to hop on over and maim every single person in attendance?

Oh yeah, me neither. But that's about to change, because butchering revellers is precisely what you'll be doing in Party Hard Go. Erm… hurray? Just make sure you don't get caught, because what you're doing isn't strictly speaking legal. In fact, it's not legal in any sense of the word.

Download Party Hard Go for iOS

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SteamWorld Heist (£7.99)

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Turn-based shoot 'em up SteamWorld Heist is a melting pot of ideas that somehow manages to strike the right balance.

You'll bump into everything from robo-pirates to starships, but at SteamWorld's core is a trickshot mechanic that imbues the game with its own unique sense of identity. What? You didn't think traipsing halfway across the universe would be easy, did you? No, you're bound to get into a scrape or two.

It's at times like that when you'll need to think outside of the box, bouncing bullets and bombs off of walls to pull off impossible, live-saving shots. And what better reward for being an upstanding pirate Captain than the respect and admiration of your clanking crew? Only kidding. There's loot. Lots and lots of loot.

Download SteamWorld Heist for iOS

F1 2016 (£7.99)

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"…and Lewis Hamilton has won the Driver's Championship for the second year in a row! Can anyone stop him?"

That's what the (former) defending champion might've heard in his dreams last week, or perhaps it was what you heard when you rewrote the history books in F1 2016.

On the surface, that's the big selling point of F1 2016: the chance to sit behind the wheel and live out your own Formula 1 fantasies. And a fleshed out career mode featuring 22 drivers, 11 teams, and the full Formula 1 circuit, means you can do exactly that.

But you'll also be doing it in style, because F1 2016 really does feel the part. Every aspect of the game has been polished to perfection, and at times I was left wondering how Codemasters managed to cram so much into a mobile game.

Download F1 2016 for iOS

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November 2016

PinOut! (£free + IAP)

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You're a mobile gamer, so you're no stranger to endless runners. But what about endless, er, pinballers?

It's not exactly a phrase that rolls of the tongue, but that's exactly what PinOut is: an never-ending journey through a neon flavoured pinball machine of seismic proportions.

Much like your classic game of pinball, the aim is simple: use a pair of paddles to keep the ball in play and amass points. The only difference here is that PinOut's digital tabletop is infinite, so you'll have to beat the clock as well as the board if you want to rack up a world-class score.

Download PinOut! for iPad and iPhone

Masky (£free + IAP)

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Guess what? You're going to the ball. And not just any ball, but the annual grand costume ball! We knew you'd be thrilled.

Actually, we should probably warn you, because there is one catch. People like to dance at this ball. At least, we assume they're people. We haven't actually seen behind their masks.

They've also got atrocious balance, which means you've been put in charge of leading the lively shindig. All you need to do is help your fellow revellers stay on their feet and everything should turn out fine. Don't worry too much about the magic masks, either. We're sure they're quite harmless…

Download Masky for iPhone and iPad

Epic Orchestra (£free + IAP)

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The golden age of rhythm gaming might've ended when the likes of Guitar Hero and Rock Band lost their star power, but there's still some life in the old dog yet.

Epic Orchestra is proof enough of that. One of the simplest rhythm games you'll ever play, the streamlined one-touch title uses four basic commands to put you in control of a charming, retro orchestra. Even on the hardest difficulty setting it's hardly taxing, but that feels like that point.

See, Epic Orchestra doesn't try and baffle you with an endless stream of overly complex instructions. Quite the contrary. It's a relaxing, zen-like experience that's more concerned with serving up tiny slices of musical escapism, and that's exactly why we love it.

Download Epic Orchestra for iPhone and iPad

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Mini Metro (£3.99)

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Anyone who's forced to catch the tube on a regular basis will know how much of a nightmare it can be. That's why there's a 100 percent chance you won't believe me when I say that a tube simulator can be…fun.

You heard me right. Mini Metro proves that the rigours of underground transport management can provide warm, fuzzy entertainment. It also proves you can create a game about inner-city infrastructure that looks and sounds stunningly beautiful.

Download Mini Metro for iPhone and iPad

Eggggg - The Platform Puker (£1.49)

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The bizarrely titled Eggggg - The Platform Puker is one of the strangest morsels I've come across in quite some time. Why? Well, as the name suggests, the game is a platformer centred around one odd mechanic: puke.

Look, I was sceptical at first. But once you get past the undeniably peculiar concept, you'll find a rewarding two-touch platformer that puts most of its competitors to shame.

As for the puke, there's a simple explanation. Gilbert - the star of this show - has a pretty visceral egg allergy. The poor guy just can't keep them down. Alas, it just so happens they give him the power he needs to survive in a world populated with angry cyborg chickens. Swings and roundabouts, really.

Download Eggggg - The Platform Puker for iPhone and iPad

Vikings: An Archer's Journey (£2.29)

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If you like your platformers with a little bit of bite, then Viking: an Archer's Journey might just be for you.

What initially looks to be a by-the-books endless runner is elevated thanks to some slick projectile combat, power-ups, and elementary platforming. It's a formula that works well, and although it's hardly overflowing with originality, it's one that's undeniably compelling.

What makes Viking's a must have is the procedural world around it, with each of its randomly generated levels sporting a gorgeous, wintery coat steeped in minimalist beauty.

Download Vikings: An Archer's Journey for iPhone and iPad

Oh…Sir! The Insult Simulator (£1.49)

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If verbal sparring and interplay, by which we mean expertly forged insults at fellow humans, is your jam, then Oh…Sir! The Insult Simulator is the game you've been waiting for.

A delightfully kooky experience that challenges players to get one over on their opponent by stringing together a series of inspired insults, Oh…Sir! truly is a game unlike any other. In fact, I don't have a single bad thing to say about it. How terribly ironic.

Download Oh…Sir! The Insult Simulator for iPhone and iPad

Level With Me (£free + IAP)

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As we all know, life is a balancing act. But it's nothing compared to the perplexing challenges found in Unept's tilting puzzler, Level With Me.

Seriously. Have you ever tried balancing bowling balls, motorcycles, dynamite, and even people using nothing but bubbles. It's pretty difficult, you know, especially when you're trying to stop a whole gaggle of humans from being blown to smithereens.

Think you're up to the task? Yeah, so did I.

Download Level With Me for iPhone and iPad

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