#its just spiralled too much out of control
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ogdit · 1 hour ago
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This Post is by someone that wants to remain anonymous, they DM'd me this and asked me to post
The callout campaign against Kagebros has gone WAY too far. The lengths these people have gone to violate someone’s boundaries and privacy in order to “warn” people is incredibly excessive and is dealing horrible damage to their mental health and wellbeing. It needs to fucking stop.
The situation has spiraled completely out of control, spurred on by people who would rather side with a proud AI artist than have a civilized, adult discussion about tracing. Said AI artist has a history of attempting to ruin Kagebros’ credibility, spreading disinformation and rumors about them and their nonprofit charity zines, now going as far as to allegedly incite people to nonconsensually take photos of them at their booth at TFcon Baltimore, and block-evading their socials in order to find more posts to pick apart.
As they have stated already, Kagebros never had ANY intention to scam people, which understandably doesn’t change how those affected may feel. That being said, they could have very easily traced over things without altering them in any way at all, like many others within the convention vending sphere have blatantly done without a callout from these same people who care so much about “calling out tracing”. There tends to be a gray area in the realm of tracing techniques within the art industry (especially professionally), and there is plenty of merit for their actions to be criticized. As they’ve stated, they were under the impression that Official artwork/figures were okay to trace over and alter, which they now know to avoid doing so in the future. Even if the details and credibility of the piece can be scrutinized, they still made a conscious effort to alter the pieces in question to be more original.
Although said effort may not be enough for most, they now KNOW that. End of story. They can't immediately change the pieces they had available for sale, and they should be showing change through their future pieces and actions, which is something that’s up for judgment by anyone. And yet the people starting this have needlessly dragged it on, inciting others to keep spreading the accusations to further audiences, leading to more harassment.
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Seafoamsol had admittedly unblocked Kagebros and “offered” to have a talk with them about the situation, but their own intentions are extremely questionable, as a conversation should have been the first priority, rather than a callout post. They assumed Kagebros’ intentions without giving them a single chance to address it themselves before the callout, and are now going forward with the narrative of them being a scammer.
Again, if they truly were concerned, they could have unblocked them and had a conversation before the callout was made, instead of assuming their intentions were to deceive people.
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The situation is very nuanced, meaning there's a lot of points to be acknowledged on both sides in order to come to a conclusion, which could have happened peacefully if adults just had a civil discussion with each other. There is a justifiable talk to be had here, and reasonable changes to be made, but this can’t be accomplished productively if people continue to jump to conclusions and assume intentions. This has done nothing–and WILL do nothing–but hurt people, if this behavior doesn’t stop. mistakes will be made, lessons will be learned. Please look at this situation in its entirety before coming to your own conclusions based on assumptions made by people with evidently questionable motives and a history of causing problems for others and driving them out of the community. 
Thank you for reading.
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drezendragon · 2 days ago
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V to UV Art by DonnyK9 Murder Drones AU Idea Rambling Alright this is a “Drezen Ramble” I watched Murder Drones as it was coming out and after the last episode had an idea for a AU that then spiraled out of control a bit. It took a long time to finally find someone to draw some stuff for it and hopefully I can find more people to comm stuff for this but here we go. Should probably note I copy pasted most of this from a conversation I had with a bud so sorry if it comes off as nonsense XD
Context: this idea was inspired by the last few episodes where we find out “Effective Drones were cloned more” and Cyn’s comment that N’s Team always surprised her along with the fact V was willing to make a deal with the solver and that V’s persona kind of a mask to deal with the horrors. 
Most of this little story would take place on a different world probably a few years before Copper 9 and the main plot. I mean the solver had to get through Copper's 1 to 8 after all plenty of space to fill so assume it takes place on one of those many outings. 
Basically this AU would center around a different V who went with a different persona to mask behind instead of canon V this AU V takes up the persona of a "Tomboy" (+ a little shonen protagism) this Persona of V basically sets out to try and make sure this Squad is a proper Team and not barely functional mess... Basically She and N use “Democracy” to vote out J as leader and put V in charge who then actually raises team efficiency (much to J's annoyance) by basically doing all she can to be N and J's friend attempting to give them both therapy while mediating their clash of Extrovert and Introvert. N she actually deals with the fact his brain is wiped although basically spoon feds him info (basically tells him the mansion stuff but not the Gala incident) and also kind of gently shuts down his crush on her because she can't really remember what it was like to be the Girl N fell for and she thinks he deserves someone who can take all the love he has in his big dumb heart (She does promise to wingman for him though if they ever find someone who meets his fancy). Becoming friends with J was a lot harder. The girl has so many walls up she basically lives in a mental fortress but together they actually get their job done much faster and making N less annoying for J to deal with they become actual friends.
The Team did so well they actually finished the job with a year to spare which they spent further bonding and talking about what they might do after..... then Cyn and the other J show up. The Team freaked out but they did their job and they did it well and V hopes that this means the deal she made of "Leave us in Peace" will be upheld which Cyn says it will... as she proceeds to rip one of V's arms off. This of course freaks them out and Cyn clarifies it is holding up its end of the deal to "Leave them in P-I-E-C-E giggle" in fact she is so happy with them she is extending the deal to "Pieces"  isn't she the best boss (Happy Sarcastic Tone) the Team panics and tries to fight back but doing so causes Cyn to kill N (guess he didn't want to be left in Pieces oh well hopefully the next back up is more of a team player) J (Team) fights J (Solver's Pet) kind of messes up the “Solver's Pet” to see herself fight back choosing her Team over Corporate... but she too goes down once Cyn gets bored with the resistance and uses Admin permissions to lock up the Team has her pet J finish off the other J and then Cyn takes time ripping V into pieces removing her arms, peg legs, smashing her visor face and shredding her voice box after V tries to curse her out/ scream to just annoy Cyn. In the end V is left just a torso with her upper leg stumps still attached, a smashed face and something that shouldn't be called a voice and due to Cyn being Admin she won't be regenerating. Cyn eats the planet but makes sure to leave the chunk with V and her team’s remains as untouched as she can after all would be rude to not let V keep her reward.
Cyn eventually leaves for the next planet and V is just kind of left she can't see or hear anything only feel the wind but even that eventually fads and she is left alone with her thoughts for a very long time.... until something finds her something finds a broken doll discarded by a cruel "god" V is not sure if she has gone mad but she tries to call out and whatever it is doesn't retreat from her distorted cries instead it seems to try and comfort her and she feels herself being gently picked up so long since she last felt kindness that she drifts off to sleep. When she wakes up she has been repaired.... mostly it seems whoever repaired her used the parts of her team leaving her with N's lower legs, J's voice box patching up her own (Basically she doesn’t sound like V or J her voice is either deeper or growly-raspy sounding), no idea whose arms she has since they all look so similar but her upper arms seem to be new parts, seemingly J’s unbound hair, no stinger tail and when she looks into a mirror she sees her eyes are now basically the color of UV lights and on closer inspection she swears she sees more eyes beneath her visor but before the panic of whatever that is about set in she notices another addition of…. Animal Ears in place of her Headband eyes with said ears expressing her current mood before twitching as she hears someone in the next room and with checking herself over done she leaves out the room to whatever awaits her next.
Notes:
She is nicknamed "UV" because of her eyes she never actually introduces herself to the person who put her back together so “UV” is just what they call her until she either introduces herself or picks out a name for herself.
Her lights were changed from yellow to purple by the person who put her back together both as a side effect of some of the alterations made when repairing her and also so that she hopefully wouldn’t freak out when seeing yellow drone eyes looking back at her when she looks in a mirror.
She is the admin of her own system Cyn’s Admin rights were replaced but despite that UV was unable to regenerate which is why she was repaired with available parts. The current status of her solver is UV has admin rights but the solver does not seem to work in any capacity. 
She can't use her arm weapons so has to carry actual weapons which after finding some Disassembly Drone arms with their Swords sticking out she takes the blades to make into actual swords she can wield. She also can’t use her wings anymore.
Her body has a few upgrades beyond the patch job repair due to the person who repaired her getting hit with inspiration while examining her but they stopped themselves from going overboard as they acknowledge UV is a person and any alterations should really be of her choice… granted this person also looked through her memories just to make sure they weren’t repairing a psycho.
Upgrades and modifications she now has are: Her new upper arm parts compensate for her lack of wings since they allow her arms to extend (Think Reg’s arms from Made in Abyss), her visor she can now customize things like the type or eye brows she has when she expresses along with a range of other options to help her be who she wants to be, She can eat human food being no longer reliant on oil but she can still eat it and other drone foods if she has to and probably a few other features relating to her new visor and ears that she didn’t bother to ask about once the shock of being rebuilt started to wear off.
Having her Teammates limbs attached to her has had a bit of an effect on her psyche causing her to take up some of their personality traits on top of her Tomboy Persona leading her to be more Chipper like N but also making her call the person who fixed her up "Boss" (thankfully she is spared using the mountain of corporate jargon that J does)
She has a lot of mental grief, having survivors guilt and refusing to get any further upgrades or better repairs to desperately hold onto what she has left of her friends which sometimes leads to her hallucinating them when alone or stressed out.
Character Inspirations: Murder Drones's V: Eldritch Robo, Fake it till you make it, Cloned Traumatized Killed Cloned again, Sacrifice her own happiness for her friends.
Fate's Mordred: Knight of Rebellion, Artificial Being Cloned from another, Tomboy, Traumatized but kind of dealing with it.
Underverse's Cross:  Quotes "Am I evil for what I did? Am I evil for what I am?" " What's the point of feeling useful and valid in a reality plagued by thousands of us...?" "Yes, our origin is an imitation... ready-made from another. But...our pride, our experiences... Maybe they make us authentic." Scrapnik Mecha Sonic: Haunted by the fight that left them in pieces, Shadow of their “maker” looming over them, feels like a misshapen thing with scraps for limbs, surprisingly dangerous for their current state of repair. 
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bi-demon-ium · 2 years ago
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(via @mvshortcut) #wait wait I've got it#curtain's hair is natural#and nicholas dyes his hair grey#when they were younger they decided they would do this once they got older to confuse everyone about their age#and even though they got separated and were enemies neither of them even CONSIDERED not sticking to the plan#it was For the Bit
i need you to know nik and i have a whole elaborate au based on this exact concept that just descended into insane deeply stupid crack about the twins secretly being much younger than they are and then when they finally meet again the whole dramatic confrontation is entirely derailed by curtain immediately dropping everything to make fun of him at maximum volume. HOW OLD DO THEY THINK YOU ARE NICKY?! HOW DID YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF and mr benedict is like head in hands going SHUT UP SHUT UP IT ISN'T FUNNY!!! I DON'T KNOW I DON'T KNOW IT WASN'T ON PURPOSE IT JUST SNOWBALLED SO MUCH THEY THINK I'M LIKE FIFTY!!! and curtains just like [literally on the verge of tears laughing at him] NICHOLAS WE ARE TWENTY SEVEN [incoherent wailing from mr benedict] meanwhile the adults came to rescue him and can just. Hear All Of This.
but also the idea that they both did this and like. they're just STILL STICKING TO IT. FOR THE BIT. IS SO GOOD WHAT THE FUCK FLGIJFGHFGH curtain gets redeemed and mr benedict pulls him aside like. so. you never... told anyone? gave it up? and curtain's like god no what do you take me for? i dedicate to the bit, nicholas.
something I ponder almost daily: curtain must be dying his hair/beard, right? like mr. benedict's beard is speckled with gray and so is his hair, whereas curtain has immaculate jet black hair and beard. we know he cares very much about his appearance, especially from that one scene in season one where he's getting his hair cut and not a single strand could be out of place. It would make sense with his control thing too, if you get what I'm saying. I literally know nothing about hair graying so this is just speculation but i think it would be so funny if he was. i also wonder (if that's true) if it's to show up benedict, like "ooh we're twins but i'm the better looking one" because that is exactly the type of pettiness curtain has in abundance. like the one comment in the final episode of season 2 where he says "I don't look a day over 46" or something, a completely unhelpful comment <3
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good-beanswrites · 10 months ago
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hii hiii is it alright if I request something with kotoko and haruka?(platonic ofc) their character foils drive me insane with all the weak stuff authngghn icant be normal about them
Oooh thank you so much for the request! I realized that these two actually have one of the smallest windows to talk easily, given Haruka's nervousness and Kotoko's T2 changes. They have such interesting approaches to strength/weakness, and I hope I could capture it a bit here! This takes place immediately following Kotoko's bday timeline after Harrow's release:
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“I’ll accept those birthday wishes…” Kotoko gave him a wave over her shoulder as she returned to making her bed.  
She shook her head in awe. It was rather impressive how quickly the boy had changed after his verdict. The others had more subtle differences, but he was someone entirely new. She could rest easy, at least, knowing that her verdict wouldn’t change her much. For as long as she could remember, she’d been like this. She knew where she stood, and neither guilty nor innocent verdict would affect that. This verdict was really only an indicator on whether the warden could be trusted or not. 
Her body tensed up when she turned back around, startled by Haruka lingering silently in the doorway. She decided against chastising him for scaring her half to death. Still, she couldn’t keep the bite from her voice as she asked, “did you need something else?”
“Ah�� I just…” He twisted his hands together. “I had a question.” 
He fell silent, but Kotoko could tell he was chewing on his next words. She waited.
“H-how do you do it? All the time? You’re older and stronger and braver and I-I just don’t know how.”
“Give yourself some credit. I’m not that much older, or stronger. I only have, what -- two, three years on you? And you did very well in the arm wrestling tournament the other day.” 
She wasn’t being patronizing. For someone so sheltered, Haruka could do some damage. He stood a few inches taller than her. The others had taken the arm wrestling as a little game, but Kotoko had used the event to measure up her fellow prisoners. After his close match with Mikoto, she had made a mental note to take him seriously. 
“No…” his expression twitched, getting frustrated with the misunderstanding. “Not muscles. I mean… you don’t have someone like Muu. You don’t need someone next to you all the time. But you still talk with everyone… and it looks easy. All the time. You always know what to say, and what to do. You never look scared. You never cry.”
Kotoko’s smile softened. She wasn’t the prideful type, but his words gave her a wave of accomplishment. She certainly was scared. She did cry. But she wasn’t about to show a single crack in her resolve in front of anyone here. Haruka had given her the greatest of compliments by confirming her success.
“Ah, you mean strength of spirit. Well, that doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. It comes with my purpose, with my virtues.”
“Virtues…?”
“I see the injustice around me, and want to protect the innocent. When I see how awful the world can be, when I see the monsters that are hurting those who are weak, I can’t help myself.” She clenched her fist. “The power to do so just comes to me.” 
“Oh…” Haruka looked down at his palms. 
Her heart sank, realizing he didn’t quite understand. It was a shame that not all of humanity could be as righteous as her. That heroic drive had always come so naturally to her; she wasn’t sure she could put it into words to explain to others.
Haruka’s open hands were trembling. “Um. Is there any other way?”
“Hm?”
“All my life… I only cause pain to everyone.” His worry gradually turned to desperation.” I hurt everyone who gets close to me. Especially things that are small and weak. My whole life, I’ve been nothing but a… a curse. So… is there another way? Please. I want to be better. I want to be strong! I want to be like you! Tell me!”
He stepped forward, pleading. Kotoko stepped back. 
His blue eyes widened at her sudden shift into defense. “Ah! I. I’m sorry. I’m-I’m sorry. It’s your birthday. You should be… Have a g-good day.”
“Wait.” Kotoko stopped him before he could flee. She was aware of the massive gap between them, the vastly different backgrounds they came from. Still, she offered the same advice that had helped her in her toughest of days. 
“Don’t worry so much about others’ strength. The quickest way to burn yourself out is getting overwhelmed with the power that’s all around you. Once you start putting all your focus toward honing your own skills and strengths, you’ll realize how much you’re truly capable of. You don’t need anyone else. You’ll realize that you are enough.”
“I… am enough…?”
She placed a hand firmly on his shoulder. 
“So, no need to get all worked up now, okay?” 
“O-okay. I’ll do my best.” He stiffened, trying to appear worthy of her words.
She let out a bitter laugh. “I told the others not to do anything for my birthday, but I don’t think they paid me any mind.” Kotoko still couldn’t fathom how they were so friendly with each other given the situation. “Let’s go see if there’s some cake or something.”
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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#head instructor to the TAs in the lab section i TA for: how r u guys feeling abt the workload?#me who hasnt graded anything since week 1 and spent an hr that morning filling out a patient safety plan: 🙃#listen. we r experiencing symptoms that make us shitty at our job. which is not helpful for a positive outlook#i was also experiencing horrible cramps at the time bc i lost my ibuprofen and 2 days ago i stopped the birth control in a desperate effort#to stop feeling terrible. but in this moment i feel alright. its wild to go from drastically unhappy to like lol wtf was that? anyway stop#being a bby loser. for no obvious reason. im gonna start the birth control again to see if i get depressed again or if that was just me lol#i dont think my therapist understands the depth of my executive functioning issues tho. bc im a grad student and can meet deadlines. like#let me tell u im a fucking disaster abt starting things. i will go back and forth and get nothing done forever. or i do things halfway and#make everything 30 times more difficult later bc no one else understands how my brain works#ah well. itll b fine. sometimes i just get freaked out that i wanna b better and i dont kno how to do that. so i spiral in despair a lil#ill b fine. im good at catching myself before i get too out of control. annoyingly tho i am not currently beating the bip0lar allagations#bc whatever tf is wrong with me i do probably fit the diagnostic criteria for bip0lar 2. i dont kno y that freaks me out so much. i guess#its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively#health conscious to the point my dad gets anxious abt taking a single ibuprofen. so like ive been conditioned to get freaked out by#medication. literally my grandma will call me and tell me to b suspicious of doctors and to not take medicine unless absolutely necessary.#like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think#of u than saying oh yea i get depressed or i have anxiety. like the connotation feels worse im used to just telling ppl whatever tf#my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its#bullshit. anyway idk. im tired. i was trying to think of a comfort tv show with my therapist and all i could think was the terror#when im depressed i wanna watch those English mother fuckers suffer and die. i just lov that show so much. harry g00dsir my beloved. the#most me coded character to ever exist#unrelated
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thebleedingeffect · 7 months ago
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#okay I'm talking in the tags of this post cause shit is happening in my life and I gotta talk about it somewhere#one part of it is my step brother crashing and burning before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop his own destructive actions#so it's just me watching this poor kid ruin his relationships and blame everything and everyone around him as he does so#despite the fact that he's undeniably been treated horribly at times- he's just turned that anger back onto others and himself#and I have no idea what to feel as I watch him get arrested. have drug problems. because I'm just waiting for the inevitable spiral#it doesn't help that my mom has been comparing us and saying that I'm the much better child and she wishes he was like me#not understanding that I could’ve been him if I was just more angry at the world at that age instead of being so sad and scared#and that leads me to my fucking mom cause like- I love her. we've been through alot of bad shit with her#I've almost done some really bad shit for her and I know that she loves me more than anything else#but it feels like its been getting more and more suffocating cause I'm not sure she's able to start seeing me as an adult#and start loosening her grip around me and let me breathe. to have my own experiences without her by my side#to be able to go places and imagine a future without her constantly by my side#she talks and it's like she doesn't even think to wonder that perhaps I want to form my own experiences#and experience the world on my own terms because I feel like I've spent my whole life having so little damn control#religious family. shit and neglectful father who turned into the exact opposite and nearly killed me. family who refuses to listen and talk#having to move and run immediately. put survival above all else. go to school. get out. and god I just wanna breathe#she loves me so much and I love her too. but I feel like I'll be sooner crushed if I stick here for long enough#I'm just mad that my life has been nothing but absolutely no love. sudden waves of intense love. absolutely nothing. sudden spike#and I feel like I'm just finally starting to form good. healthy relationships on my own terms and actually make friends#because I had no idea what I was doing when I was a kid cause I was so fucking lonely and hurting#now I just. gotta figure out how to tell my mom that I can't carry this expectation that I'll continue to stay forever by her side#it just feels like I'm her child first and a person second. and it sucks. it really sucks.#ough. spins and spins and spins and spins-
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ironmanstan · 2 years ago
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#part two omg <333#u can tell i originally was gonna tweet this and then it spiralled out of control to the point it got too long for tumblr tags. anyway#sometimes i just think about things and i get sooo mad lmao . i knew i was trans probably since i was like 11#meanwhile was so fucked up about this i just ignored it and slowly let it eat me alive for years and years until i hit my brink .#makes me so mad how the few like 'tolerant' and 'accepting' people around here act where theyre like#oh you can be that way but just ignore it <3 dont act on it <3' . you people would rather me go back to#being a suicidal 12 year old instead of actually existing and being happy. you people who know shit all about what i go through#its insanely funny to me too like compared to a large amount of people i am like extremely religious . i have#so much of the quran mf MEMORIZED. A SOLID CHUNK OF THIS ENTIRE BOOK. MEMORIZED#I CAN RECITE THE VERSES FROM IT IN PROPER FORM. i know more than my own dad does and yet.#everyone around me who isnt this at all is like oh yes we know sooo much about everything and this is#soooo gross and disgusting and perverted and sick and evil right maryam. yeah it sure fucking is besties <3#i can be everyones token poster child of having Envious amounts of knowledge and a role model for every future hafidha .#and yet you all only like me because you have to and youd all hate me if you knew anything about me#if you read all this my bad i am just crazy and angry and insane#i will go back to normal later i just need to be insane for a minute lollll#sometimes im like 'why am i so angry. why do i have ptsd' and then i remember how everyone around me is#vent#part two !!!!! wao <333
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dexaroth · 23 days ago
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more than 50 hours of detroit become human vids on bryan decharts (connor's actor) channel.. this is the forget all life 2-3 week marathon
#anything to forget this fucking awful reality 😑 im still slightly sick as well so teehee. even though it doesnt prevent me from doing other#things. do you know how hard it is to find this much thing to fixate on. fucking amazing i love this game#its so crazy too to go blind and be so clueless about the entirety of the game industry#it all started from the edits of jerma's playthrough. which was painful to watch. then me beating the game myself#then remembering from Years ago someone mentioning bryan having a playthrough. and here we are#i wish i remembered who was the actual youtuber i watched play the game at the time. 6 years ago.. god#im also taking breaks from watching sometimes of course. trying to figure out my worldbuilding. which is not going very well#like damn guys isnt it surprising how human society and politics and conflicts arent a simple subject to change without consequences#isnt that cracy. i could just say fuck it and not mention that at all but its worldbuilding. not.. roombuilding. in terms of complexity#thats mostly bc i want my viewiels to live alongside humans. having a furry species just substitute humans feels cheap#bc even then the politics and infrastructure and ways of life would have simply been completely different anyways. its not an easy way out#im not fucking smart and knowledgeable enough for this shit man! stuff's hard!!#ive also been meaning to draw (and recently been feeling like doing d:bh fanart) but like. i have nothing to add really. nthn to say#which is how ive felt for years now.. sigh. everything is overwhelming.. im never good enough at anything i try#and most of the time i dont even know to start..#hm im feeling a depressive spiral coming up. bye im gonna watch more dbh before it gets out of control teehee#dextxt
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celestialmancer · 4 months ago
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⛈️ ❌ ❌ ❌ // 2:09 am, tbd ;
#this is a fucking vent so just gnore the venty ass tags but i have nowhere else to place this that feels safe other than just.#shouting into a void where no one hears. aka here ig.#bc its better i shout into a void alone than drag others down with me somehow—i dont. know#regardless… i’m just… i dont know what to think.#things are really bad lately & i’m struggling again to stop myself from sh utting down every time i try being vulnerable & opening up.#i keep clamming up & letting my mind take the reins when it tells me to just erase anything i say. to not open up.#to swallow every single emotion & experience that’s hurting me & let that poison kill me slowly instead. deal with it alone#because it feels like its wrong to open up. like its wrong to say anything. like me being open is just.#me being a fucking burden or something. i don’t know. i shouldn’t be like this. i’m supposed to be fucking better than t his.#what the fuck happened to the version of myself that could just keep suppressing & suppressing & not being a goddamn thorn in ppl’s sides.#esp bc all the things i’m having a difficult / painful time with is all fucking trigger heavy shit or things that i just don’t.#fucking know what to do with anymore because its not shit within my control.#a lot of it’s shit im still just processing that has hurt a lot & havingg to cope w that grief alone.#but then there’s also other circumtances too that are hard to navigate & my BPD having a field day w me in recent history too#i don’t know what the fuck is wrong w me at this point. & im scared & i can’t stand being fucking alone in this shit yet.#i feel like i have to. i have to. i have to. beccause this is my own issue & to dare express anything is me just. using ppl isn’t it.#that’s all it is right. & besides how many times has it been proven that ppl get sick of me for not being okay.#how many times have ppl walked away because they realize im just some fucking deadweight emotionally or something. id on’t fucking know.#am i spiraling? who fucking knows! maybe! because im fucking tired of what my life has been in general & im. overwhelmed.#overwhelmed by existence itself i fucking guess & what its meant for me overwhelmed by expectations overwhelmed by vulnerability thats just.#bleeding out through the fucking cracks of this fucking mess of a person i am.#& constantly fucking afraid that im just. too much. too much. too much for anyone.#too emotional in fucking general too intense too overwhelming for others regardless if its overwhelming them via pos or neg emotions.#afraid im going to get discarded afraid of what’s to come afraid in fucking general. fear & grief & pain & rage & hatred &.#desperation to feel anything other than this & desperation to feel loved thats got me having rly foul compulsions too#all my emotions feel like some kind of fuckihng hairtrigger & its hard to stop it in fucking general. i dont fucking know. & like i said it.#feels like shit to deal with completely alone. not bc i wanna deal with alone but bc i /have/ to bc if i dont then im just. a problem. or.#i dont know. im tired of everything tired of my emotions tired of this life tired of all that ive had to face up til this point & tired of.#fear & idk how to handle things alone anymore. my friends deserve better than this emotional burden i am to be around ig.#it feels so much like i have to apologize to those i befriend for being. well. this. for all of me & for being ‘too much’ in general.
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shoheiakagi · 7 months ago
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Okay, second question for the Band AU! I don't know if idols work the same way as mainstream music, where there's a lot of crossover between singers and television/movies, but how would the guys and your lovely girls deal with being scouted for the big screen? Who would want to give acting a try, who wouldn't? And what would the couples do if they found themselves cast as each other's onscreen lover (Because ofc that adds fuel to the fire for gossip).
I know that there’s a lot of kpop idols who go into acting, but not too sure about jpop idols. And im not 100% sure about this, but I remember reading that theres this stigma amongst actors about idols going into acting; that they hate when idols pursue acting cause the idols booked the role due to their popularity and not cause of any acting talent lol
i’m so sorry cause i ended up going on a different tangent with this ask and focus on dewa/miyako, so i hope you don’t mind!
Out of the girls, Miyako is the only one to pursue acting. Despite not being the most popular member, she is still well known for her beauty, which fits the quintessential Japanese beauty standards: petite frame, pale skin, long dark hair, long eyelashes, and high-bridged nose. It wasn’t that hard for her to land the lead role in a romcom, starring against a male pop idol who also recently joined the acting scene (okay idk why but akiyama came straight to my mind lol). The casting alone for this movie makes a lot of noise, as the main leads look extremely elegant and gives off major royalty vibes, which gains the attention of the general public. A lot of interviews and press tours get more people to fall in love with the chemistry between miyako and akiyama (which takes more effort from miyako’s end since akiyama can be pretty stiff). But unlike her idol career, she has more difficulty fitting in at first due to the stigma some of her costars have against her for being an idol.
Idk why, but i don’t really see any of the guys pursuing acting tbh. At most, i can see chitose landing some role in some adult comedy that doesn’t perform that well, which has him running back to the group and not want anything to do with acting ever again. The other guys probably got second hand embarrassment and don’t want to go through what chitose had to. When they first heard about miyako landing a role in a new movie, they couldn’t help but feel pity cause the poor girl might have to go through the same idol curse that chitose went through. but when they see the massive media coverage and support she’s getting, some of them can’t help but feel envious. here comes this girl group who’s catching up to their fame and popularity despite not being around for that long and definitely not working as hard as them, and now each members are getting their own individual gigs as solo acts?? while miyako may be the only one to pursue acting out of her group, she’s certainly not the only one who’s making a name for herself outside of the group. and the guys can’t help but feel jealous about that. as much as they love their group, at the end of the day, they’re different guys with different interests. it’d be nice to be known more outside of their fanbase, without having to be lumped in with 5 other guys. its funny how the girls, despite having a lot of restrictions put on to them by their company, still have the freedom to pursue things outside of the their group and make a name for themselves. whereas the guys have all the artistic freedom a musician can ask for, but seem to lack an identity of their own.
Dewa is annoyed. Its bad enough that he sees miyako’s face plastered all over japan with the rest of her dimwitted group. Now seeing her face being plastered all over the country with that guy with toothpick from s4? She likes that type of guy? The type with a stick up his ass? (talk about the pot calling the kettle black). But theres something off this time. With how strict her company is, he’s not used to seeing her having full blown conversations with other male celebrities, so imagine his surprise when he catches interviews where she keeps laughing at every little thing akiyama says, resting a manicured hand on his shoulder. or how she would bat her eyelashes at him while asking him a question, and how she would look intrigued as she hangs onto every word that comes out of his mouth. nothing about their interaction seems right to dewa, and in a way he’s relieved that is all an act to promote their new movie (at least thats what he tells himself and chitose when the latter tries to taunt him). But seeing miyako gain more success and fame as an actress, make more friends/connections within the industry, and create an identity for herself outside of her group is bothering dewa a lot more than it should be. in a way, it feels like she’s constantly rising and leaving him behind. and if acting doesn’t work out for her? no problem, she can always fall back onto her idol persona. and if performing is no longer fun? perfect, she can go back and take over her family’s business like she was supposed to. but what about him? if the group decides to split and go their own way, what will happen to dewa masaomi?
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snekdood · 1 year ago
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so many ppl online are like “hahah yeah guillotine” but i really doubt the majority of ppl saying that could actually stomach it.
#and also: no its not normal to desensitize yourself to gore. idc what you say ✌️#ik we're all 'jail is bad' but ngl. since a lot of the ppl oppressing us in power are specifically positive about jail#i think itd be waaay more fun to throw em in there so they can get a taste of their own medicine lmao#bc idk about yall but i think they should face a myriad of consequences before they get the luxury of sweet release#everyone gets ta kick em in the nuts once dhjbsfdvhgfdgshv#maybe giving in too much to the punishment shit? maybe#i just feel like the guillotine is. too good for them.#then again. it might immediatly purge whatever demon is posessing them lol#but also you know how i feel about this shit where it can spiral out of control and ppl start to think its fine to kill average citizens#and then we become no better then the cops#bc tbh feeding your bloodsports desire with blood is not good. lets maybe not just. normalize that shit#so maybe locking them up is the better solution 😌#/jk bc tbh idk what is a good solution since im worried a lot of ppl in our movement just uhm. really likes bloodsports#and does really get off on punishing ppl#which will make them want to do it more once we have no more oppressive ppl to kill.........#and will make up reasons to kill average ppl... probably informed by callout posts dsjhbsdvghb#all ill say is this; remember kids- dont become like your enemies and do what they would do.#because soon the line will blur between who is the real bad guy when you have so much blood on your hands#+ you'd literally be giving your enemies a justified persecution complex. soooooooooooo...
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boneblushed · 4 months ago
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Ignorance by infatuation
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synopsis A detective behaves lewdly with you. Aaron Hotchner gets uncharacteristically jealous.
wc 1.7k
a/n omg my first Hotch fic ever hehe 🤭 feedback and love always appreciated, still trying to find my Crim Minds voice!
It’s 8 o’clock in the morning, the air sultry and verdant, rain soaked leaves underfoot. 
Aaron Hotchner frowns. Petrichor and dew mean evidence awash. He pauses to squint up at the sky, muddy grey with isolated streaks of yellow dawn.
You’re acutely aware of Spencer’s eyes on you as you walk past Hotch, and give yourself a mild headache by focussing too hard on the commotion ahead. The rest of the team don’t seem to notice the tension between you and SSA Hotchner. Or perhaps they do, and the pair of you are just too stubborn to admit it.
It’s been lurking under the surface for a while now, this perplexing pull between you. Lingering glances, raised eyebrows, irises spooled with tendrils of static. A hand pressed against your back every time he scoots behind you, like an excuse. He doesn’t do that with Emily. None of the other agents. A frown that tends to yield when your gaze catches his.
Or hardens when someone acts a little lewder than is appropriate.
Like the other day, for example, when he’d overheard you on the phone with some deadbeat cop in the Dallas area. (He’s probably being unfair. He probably isn’t even a deadbeat. It’s just that anyone that flirts with the idea of your favour is going to be unworthy in comparison, even Agent Hotchner.)
The phone had rung in the middle of your exchange, and you’d answered it immediately, mouthing apologies in its place. Aaron Hotchner remembers the shine of gloss on your lips, the ways your fingers clasped the phone to your ear, gentle but firm. Remnants of peach coloured polish on your nails.
“Yes, this is she,” you’d answered, mouthing another apology to him. “How can I help you?”
You’d come into his office a few minutes prior to discuss something media strategy; Hotch didn’t have a mind for it, he much preferred giving you all the reins. He recognised how strange this was for a control freak as prolific as him. You were different though, he’d attest. It was a sentiment as dangerous, as non-platonic, as the feelings making home in his ribcage.
“Right,” you’d said, pulling your spiral-bound notebook out of your pocket. You’d wedged your phone between your ear and shoulder, slipping your pen out of your breast pocket and clicking it against it. Hotch felt unseasonably hot at such attention to your chest. He raised his eyebrows inquisitively, trying to catch your gaze.
“Ah, I see, yes that does sound like our area of expertise,” you’d continued, and then a pause, an awkward, unwieldy laugh. Still beautiful. “No, yes, our is correct — I am in fact part of the team.” Another pause; this time, you’d rolled your eyes when your laugh spooled out of your pretty mouth. He didn’t recognise it. “I don’t know about that. Should we get back to the case at hand? Great.”
Hotchner’s eyebrows had lowered then, furrowing into an expression of concern, flailing interest. Not jealousy. He was pretty certain he knew all your laughs, the cadence of them, the syrupy timbre. This one was new. You sounded uncomfortable, as though something said over the phone had abraded you somehow. As his eyebrows had, his heart had sunk into his stomach. He remembers the strain of his forearm muscles against his clenched knuckles.
“Sure. Yes. As soon as I have all the details I’ll be able to distribute them. Great, yes, we’ll see you soon, I’m sure. Thank you. Goodbye.”
And that had been that. Hotch hadn’t had the stomach to ask after the details, especially not when you’d seemed so eager to put it behind you.
After ending the call, you’d shaken your head and proclaimed, “Don’t ask,” launching back into your spiel about media strategy like it hadn’t happened. Hotch wasn’t in the business of disagreeing with you; pressing things. Saying no. It wasn’t lost on him that he used the word liberally with everyone else he knew.
Back at the scene, Hotch stays a few steps behind the team. He knows that Spencer’s assessing eyes will see right through his faux contemplation; Hotchner knows, from the many frowns Spencer’s eidetic memory has learned, that the expression on his face will be recognised as distraction.
He needs to focus. He needs you near. He needs to keep his eye on the ball. He needs deadbeat detective far away from here.
As you and the BAU team near the crime scene, a rugged looking cop pulls away from his colleagues. He has eyes like treacle tart and a grin that borders on a smirk. A toothpick hangs from his mouth like something out of a Western.
“Detective Landon?” You say, extending a hand in acknowledgement. “Hello, we spoke on the phone yesterday morning.”
Detective Landon spits the toothpick out of his mouth, maintaining eye contact as he does so. But it isn’t the depth of his gaze that drops yours. You can feel someone else’s eyes searing holes through your skull.
“Well I’ll be,” he drawls, taking your hand and pressing it to his mouth. “Your voice doesn’t do you justice, darling.”
You resist the urge to make a face. It’s awful, unfortunate, but you’re far too used to this. Behind you, Derek raises his eyebrows, sharing an amused look with Emily beside him. Rossi looks exasperated. Spencer’s expression remains unchanged, though he does steal a glance at Hotchner. You smile, the way you always do, refusing to be thrown off by his candour.
“That’s a shame,” you reply breezily, turning to introduce your team. “Detective, this is SSA Morgan, SSA Prentiss, Dr Spencer Reid, and —”
“I’m the unit chief, Supervisory Special Agent Hotchner,” Hotch interrupts, a menacing gravel to his timbre. He doesn’t shake the hand Detective Landon extends to him. The detective draws it back with a gauche bark of laughter, turning his attention to the rest of the BAU.
“My my,” he says, his drawl returning as his eyes meet Emily’s. “What do I gotta do to get in on this team of yours?”
“A formal education would be helpful,” Spencer supplies, squinting at him through his glasses.
Detective Landon turns to him then, raising his eyebrows. “Doctor Reid, was it?”
“It is, but no need to aim that high, buddy,” Morgan says then, stepping forward and patting him on the shoulder. Landon winces. “Now. You going to talk us through what you guys got so far or what?”
“Damn, y’all are a feisty bunch, huh?” He replies, pulling another toothpick out of his breast-pocket. He sends you a wink that makes Hotch’s insides turn, adding, “Don’t mind it on you, sweetheart, but maybe the rest of the BAU ‘oughta play nice.”
Aaron Hotchner would normally agree with his sentiment. He’s been a long time advocate of working alongside the local police in investigations; he recognises that collaboration is far more productive than condescension.
Unfortunately for him, this isn’t quite a normal situation.
Things to do with you and other men rarely are. An ugly green emotion eases his heart right into his throat.
“Or maybe,” Hotchner says crisply, his steely gaze pinning Landon to the spot, “I should have a chat with your Captain and take you off this case.”
Landon balks. “Sir —”
“You’re dismissed,” Hotchner interrupts, not wanting to hear it. He’s unaware of the amused look Emily and Morgan share behind him.
“You…” Landon trails off exasperatedly, shaking his head, “…you can’t dismiss me. This is my case.”
“Actually, it’s the BAU’s case now.” He turns to you expectantly. You think you catch his gaze soften as it falls over your face in paces. Trick of the light, you suppose. “Right?”
“Sure,” you say weakly.
“Right then. Rossi?” Hotch says then, turning to David Rossi autocratically. “Why don’t you and the team go ahead and assess the scene while I head to base and sort out a reassignment.”
“Not you, Reid,” he adds, keeping Spencer in place. “You can come to the station with me, get our replacement up to speed. Sound good?”
Morgan’s trying hard to hide his knowing grin, one side of his mouth upturned with mirth. Emily isn’t bothering to pretend she doesn’t know what’s going on, her pretty features lit up with amusement. Detective Landon looks mortified. Your cheeks feel on fire.
“Alright,” Rossi says after pause, glancing between you and Hotchner. He’s been in the FBI for long enough now that he’s learnt to pick his battles.
He turns around and begins walking toward the crime scene, the three of you trailing behind him with less purposeful strides.
“Huh,” Derek says, faux-thoughtful. You’re wedged between him and Emily, much to your chagrin. “Wonder what that was about. Any ideas, SSA Prentiss?”
“Well, SSA Morgan,” Emily replies, her smile audible. “I’m afraid that our dear old unit chief has a bit of a soft spot.”
“A soft spot?” Derek echoes, letting out a dramatic gasp. “That’s dangerous in our line of work, wouldn’t you say?”
“I would say,” Emily responds sagely.
“Oh shut up, you two,” you mutter, crossing your arms over your chest. “That wasn’t just about me. He made a pass on Emily too.”
Emily snorts, shaking her head exasperatedly. “Hey Rossi, you got a name for this phenomenon?”
“Oh yeah,” Rossi replies without hesitation, his gaze trained ahead of him. “Ignorance by infatuation.”
Out of earshot, Spencer and Hotchner are having a similarly painful conversation.
“Strange,” Spencer decides, breaking the silence with his candour.
Aaron knows what he’s insinuating. He resists the urge to turn around and steal another glance at your pretty silhouette. “He was behaving inappropriately. There’s nothing strange about it, Spencer. I was protecting my team.”
“The whole team?”
“Yes.”
“Including me?”
“Yes.”
“But I liked him.”
Hotchner sends him an incredulous look. “And what exactly was there to like?”
“He was entertaining, I think,” Spencer replies casually, shrugging. “In a cop way, you know? Plus, I love listening to Y/N reject men. It’s fascinating.”
Hotchner swallows. “Fascinating?”
“She always does it in this way where they don’t even realise what exactly’s happening,” Spencer explains matter-of-factly. He turns to Aaron Hotchner then. “Don’t worry, though, she’d never do that to you.”
Hotchner’s traitorous heart leaps, his mouth pulling into a paradoxical frown. “Spencer,” he warns.
“Just saying,” Spencer replies, raising his arms in surrender.
“Well,” Hotch says grumpily, “don’t.”
“Alright. Noted.”
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lovelookspretty · 18 days ago
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what would you do for love?
exboyfriend!rafe cameron x obsessed!exgirlfriend!reader
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— in which y/n spirals into a possessive obsession over her ex-boyfriend rafe. she quietly pulls the strings from the shadows, creating accidents, bribing others, and doing whatever it takes to maintain control—believing she is the only one truly capable of loving him.
warnings: y/n acting like a subtle joe goldberg asf😭, drinking, smoking, y/n missing rafe
authors note: potential series??? THIS COULD BE ITS PROLOGUE. idk much about sofias background so i cant write out a full length “dive” on her like joe would in you, but ill do what i can!! im not abandoning “waking up to you” though, just trying to figure out ideas for how to play out the rest of the week ‘til the end LMFAOOO
if u are interested in being part of the tag list, please let me know through replies, anons, dms, or reblogs !! notifications are always on <33
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you’re rummaging through your drawers, tossing clothes to the side in a desperate search for something that feels right. it’s one of those nights—some random party you’re not really excited for but can’t help going to because, well, everyone’s going. the young adults of the island, at least.
another night of sloppy, underage drinking, messy hookups, and pointless fights breaking out over nothing, the kind of chaos that seems to thrive in a place like this. you don’t even know whose party it is, but that hardly matters.
you’ve already pulled out a pile of tops, but none of them feel like the one. too tight, too loose, too boring, not the vibe. they’re scattered across your bed now as you dig deeper, hoping that the perfect top is somehow hiding at the very bottom. and that’s when your fingers brush against something familiar, soft yet slightly worn—his hoodie.
you freeze for a second, your hand gripping the fabric, and a wave of something bittersweet washes over you. you didn’t even remember it was still there, shoved in the farthest corner of the drawer like you were trying to forget about it. but now it’s right in front of you, and just holding it feels like opening an old wound.
it’s rafe’s hoodie. as in your ex-boyfriend’s hoodie. the one he never asked for after you broke up. it’s stupid, probably, keeping it like this, but a part of you always thought that meant something.
back then, you’d convinced yourself that him not asking for it back was a sign. like he was telling you, in some unspoken way, that it wasn’t really over. that he still wanted you to hold on, just for a little longer. you’d held onto that hope longer than you should’ve.
because now, things are different. you’ve seen him around the island, his arm draped around another girl, a pogue, of all people. the whole thing feels like a bad joke, doesn’t it? rafe cameron, the toxic kook from figure eight, running around with some girl from the cut.
you wonder what her deal is. maybe she’s living out some kind of romeo and juliet fantasy. is that it, rafe? is that what you’ve become—her tragic love story? maybe she’s the kind of girl who romanticizes the idea of being with someone she isn’t supposed to, thinking she’s special because she got him.
the thought makes you frown, a bitter taste rising in the back of your throat. she doesn’t even know him like you do. she doesn’t know the way his mind works, doesn’t know what he’s like when the charm fades, when he’s spiraling, when everything he tries to hold together starts to fall apart.
without thinking, you pull the hoodie closer, burying your face in it. his scent still lingers faintly in the fabric—his cologne. that familiar, warm smell that used to make you feel safe, even when things between you were anything but. it’s been a while since you broke up, but the cologne is still there, still clinging to the material like it’s holding on, just like you are.
you wonder if he still wears it. maybe he sprays it on for his new girl now. maybe she pulls his hoodies around herself the way you used to, breathing him in, thinking she’s the only one who gets to do that now. the thought actually makes your chest ache.
you blink a few times, your throat tight, and gently lower the hoodie back down to your lap. i miss you, you think, but the words never make it past your lips. they just hang there, heavy and silent, as you stare down at the hoodie, wishing things had ended differently.
eventually, you pull the drawer all the way open and spot a shirt hiding beneath where the hoodie had been—it’s perfect for tonight. you pick it up, placing it on the edge of the drawer, but your fingers linger on the hoodie for a moment longer. then, with a quiet sigh, you fold it back up, tucking it away into the corner of the drawer once more. out of sight but never really out of mind.
you shove everything else back in, trying to get rid of the clutter, both in your room and in your head. it’s just another party, another night to pretend everything’s fine. but the hoodie still sits there, waiting, like it always has.
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you’re waiting as your friend pours you a drink, eyes drifting over the skatepark around you. the party is in full swing—some are crowded around ramps, a few on their boards showing off, others slouched on graffiti-covered benches, their laughter mixing with the pounding bass.
when your friend hands you the cup, you take it with a nod, cruising through the crowds as you chat. your gaze flicks from group to group—people are either dancing, downing drinks, or getting a little too close in the shadows. you’re only half-focused on the conversation as you weave between the bodies.
you end up hanging by a ramp, watching as a few people race to shotgun their drinks. it’s messy and ridiculous, the kind of thing you can’t help but get pulled into. someone challenges you, and before you know it, you’re joining in. you win—barely—but not without nearly choking yourself in the process, coughing and laughing at the same time. sure, you won, but at what cost? still, it’s funny enough to have you and your friends laughing about it after.
while your friends mess around, you drift away from the noise, leaning back against the railing near the top of the ramp. your phone dangles loosely in your hand, and you’re resting your head on one of your friend’s backs as they chatter on. you don’t really need to be involved in the conversation—it’s comfortable just being there.
you find yourself staring at your phone screen, thumb hovering over the keyboard as you type out a quick message: hey.
it’s to rafe. of course, it is. and you know it’s dumb, you know you shouldn’t send it, but for some reason, everything in you wants to. even though it won’t do anything, even though he’s probably not even thinking about you right now.
you swipe your tongue across your bottom lip, hesitating for a beat longer before closing the app. you’re not gonna send it. you know you wouldn’t have anyway, you were just seeing if you’re drunk enough to go through with it. not this time. maybe another. maybe never. with a sigh, you turn your phone off and shove it into your pocket, trying to push the thought away.
but just then, there’s a commotion at the edge of the park, some people turning to look. a new car’s pulled up, headlights cutting through the dark, and as the doors open, your stomach drops.
yeah, of course, it’s him. rafe steps out, and your eyes lock onto him immediately. he’s got his girl by his side, and the sight alone makes you want to tilt your head back and groan. but instead, you just watch, waiting, seeing what they’ll do.
rafe moves through the crowd easily, that infamous smile on his face, flashing it at anyone who bothers to look. he looks . . . happy, which is great for him, really. it’s nice, or whatever. but as your gaze follows him, watching the way he’s moving with her, there’s a part of you that’s almost relieved. because no matter how content he looks, he doesn’t look happier. not happier than he did when he was with you. and somehow, that’s enough.
“don’t look now,” one of your girl friends mutters as she approaches, her voice low and careful. her back is to the rest of the party, which includes rafe and sofia, not that they’d even glance your way.
“you’re too late,” you say, leaning back against the railing, gripping it with a small smile. normally, you’d be dropping dead right about now, but if you did that, your friend would worry. and really, you’re not bothered. or at least, not too bothered.
“they look good together,” you add casually, waving a hand toward the crowd where rafe and sofia stand. you’re trying to sell it, trying to convince your friend that this is all good with you.
your friend gives you a skeptical look, her brow raised, and you nod, like you’re insisting she believe you. “i’m serious,” you tell her. “they’re perfect for each other.”
she rolls her eyes and glances over her shoulder to check them out herself, hand on her hip as she grimaces. “yeah, she’s perfect if he’s into . . .” she trails off, eyeing sofia's outfit—one of those looks where it’s obvious rafe bought the clothes for her, but none of it quite fits her style. “knock-off country club chic?”
it’s not that funny, but the resemblance is a little accurate. “stop,” you murmur, nudging her. you can’t help the faint smile that pulls at the corner of your lips as you lift your cup, pretending to hide it by taking a sip.
your friend's not wrong, and she catches the smirk you’re trying to hide. “told you,” she teases, a grin spreading across her face as you take the joint from her hand.
inhaling deeply, you let the smoke linger in your lungs before you exhale it in a slow, straight line. as the haze clears, your eyes fix on rafe and sofia, standing together in the middle of the skatepark. your face softens, the humor from earlier fading like something inside you has switched off. no more laughing, no more games.
just them.
just her.
you take sofia in for what she is—pretty. sure, you can give her that. you understand why rafe might’ve been drawn to her at first. she’s the kind of girl who stays close to him, like she’s tethered, like she can’t stand alone unless rafe has to excuse himself. and when he leaves, she fades into the background. disappears.
you watch her now, standing awkwardly off to the side while rafe talks to someone, looking small, unimportant. oh. interesting.
she must like attention. no, not attention, rafe’s attention. she clings to it like it’s the only thing that makes her visible. and yeah, she’s done up nice—dressed in new clothes, no doubt bought with rafe’s money. she cleans up well for a pogue.
but there’s something about the way she fidgets, like her skin doesn’t quite fit right in the fabric. you can tell she’s not used to it, this life. it’s too big for her. she’s nervous, uncomfortable, trying to blend in with the kind of people who were born into this world.
and her smile. you can see it from here, that ‘just to be kind’ smile. practiced, polite. probably something her parents taught her. good for her, really. that’s good.
she works at the pelican yacht club, doesn’t she? you live right by it. the idea that she works so close to your home, that rafe goes by your house just to see her . . . it makes your stomach twist.
she’s short, shorter than most. short hair, short bangs, and so this relationship will be short too.
just a phase. it has to be. or you’ll make it.
whatever it takes.
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early tags: @iissza @lotuslovers @obsessionsarenotfortheweak @yootvi @skyslowalking @ariiwritess @beebeerockknot
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol#except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade#plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me#god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set#looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u#the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control#executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont#wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral#sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive#lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not#forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho#my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly#need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im#dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter#what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by#my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything#interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to#fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i#described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that#idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean#ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said#she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the#parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the#disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage#but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain#just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked#unrelated
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dcxdpdabbles · 23 days ago
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Me sitting here rereading the adopted son looking like the try not to cry meme waiting for you to absolutely wreck me with the next part
Dick wakes groggy, every part of him sore like he was one giant bruise. It didn't make sure. He doesn't think he was hit recently, but the urge to stretch his arms and legs is almost overwhelming with the desire to ease his pain.
He had not felt stiffness in a very long time, having always been able to move and control his body however he wanted. The last time he felt like this was when Bruce introduced him to a fighting style that was more stationary and went against his natural reflexes.
He might have to do basic morning stretches to get his flexibility and help with the weighted feeling.
He goes to do just that when he feels the restraints on all four of his limbs hinder his movement. Dick's head loads to the side, staring down at the metal clasp tightly against his wrists. He blinks owlishly at it, static blurring in his mind as he tries to compute what the hell is happening.
Slowly gazing around, he concludes he's in a dark room, with the only light hanging over his head like a makeshift spotlight. Usually, his eyes would work rather well in the dark—years of running around the city at night as Robin and Nightwing helped condition them—but the bright light over his head put enough of a strain on his pupils that he couldn't make anything else around him in contrast.
He was wearing his pajamas, the ones Raven had switched him into, using her magic to avoid his skin as much as possible.
She had Kori hold him up because Dick hadn't had the strength to do it himself. Did that explain the soreness? Why had he felt so exhausted? What had he been doing?
It's all a blur for a few moments when an image appears in his mind with utter clarity.
It's Crowne crying in a police cruiser.
It all comes rushing back like a breaking dam, including his depressed state of rotting away as the world moves on and the mysterious intruders who broke into the Manor.
Oh crude.
It takes a moment for his mind to catch up to his situation. Sadly, by the time he realizes he was likely kidnapped, the door to his room opens.
The light emanating from the hallway is brighter than the spotlight on Dick, which makes it hard to make out any details about the person who walks through, but he does pick up the fact the tile is pure white and the wall behind him is pained in black.
Standing in the doorway, just observing him, is the very same figure Dick was thinking of. The same all-black clothing, half-covered face, and burning blue eyes stare back at him. This time there is no anger in them, though; all Dick can make out from those blue iris is cold indifference, studying Dick like a bug stuck underneath a needle during a scientific study.
Dick's eyes flicker to the hallway again, attempting to gather more information from the environment than the stranger. Usually, that wouldn't narrow anything down, but Bruce had always advocated that any clue was helpful, including the decor of his kidnappers.
One never knows when a seemingly innocent wallpaper could pinpoint a location because of its uniqueness. The fact the door slipped up and down to close indicated that whoever had taken him was likely more technically advanced than an average grunt.
It did make sense, seeing as they had snatched Dick from the middle of the Wayne Manor surrounded by not only the Bats but the Teen Titans too.
Sadly, with the door closed, it plunges the room into more darkness, effectively shadowing the small figure. Dick feels a lick of unease as the sound of footsteps echoes throughout the room.
He was circling Dick, walking around him like a shark ready to pounce.
"Finally, you are more aware." The person says, voice shockingly young. Male and, if Dick concentrated enough, somewhat familiar. "Good. The whole pathetic, sad bit was getting old. Especially with the fact you were the one who caused your downward spiral."
"What would you know of the pain I went through?" Dick demands, not paying mind to the odd things they are saying. He knew villains rarely, if ever, made sense, but he needed more information.
"I know plenty, seeing as you were the one who stole my brother from me!" The disembodied voice snaps, sounding a little closer than before. He's on Dick's right side now, which meant he had redone his loop.
"What, brother?" Dick asks, eyes shifting through the darkness. He makes out a darker blur just to the left of him and keeps it within his provisional vision, aware that if he turns his head or follows with his eyes, then the perk may be agitated into aggression.
"Don't play dumb with me, Nightwing," The boy hisses, sending a shot of alarm down Dick's spine. He's not in his vigilante gear, which means this person knew who he was going in to take him. "We both know the truth now. You were lying to him for months, telling him you loved him and making him think you cared before you took him away!"
Dick figures out who it is just as the blur finally steps out of the shadows to slam his hands on the arm handles of his chair. He fights a wince as the open palm slaps sting around his wrist but refuses to show the crazed little boy an inch of weakness.
A healthy response to all of Bruce's training, including his other teachers over the years, was how to keep a level head in hostage situations
Tim Drake glares at him with near-manic eyes, his black cloth doing nothing to hide his sneer. "Where is Danny? Where have you taken him!?"
A flash of hurt burns across Dick's chest; the near-crushing weight of heartbreak would have brought him to his knees were he not tied to a chair.
As he meets Drake's eyes, it takes everything to cover up his reaction to that name. "He's locked up where he will pay for his crimes."
"He didn't do anything wrong!" Drake sneers, pushing away from Dick to pace back and forth. He's half hidden in the shadows now, only his feet visible, but Dick does not take his eyes off of him. He doesn't want to know what else he could do if skilled enough to break into the Manor. "Danny was just trying to help."
"Human trafficking was just help? He's a menace!" Dick snaps and is rewarded with a slap across the face. It stings, but it's not as alarming as the speed at which Drake moved.
Dick hadn't even seen it coming until seconds before his palm touched his cheek.
"Danny wasn't selling kids! He was rescuing them, moving them from dangerous situations because you and the government couldn't be bothered to help those without voices." Drake spat, hate dripping from every syllable. "If any of you had bothered to even look for the kids, you would know that!"
"He kidnapped them. He used corrupted CPS agents to move them out of city bounds, changed their names, and placed them in homes that gave the highest bidding. That's the very definition of trafficking!"
Drake hisses something under his breath; it's in a language he's never heard before, but it doesn't sound entirely human. Shit, did Drake have extraterrestrial allies?
"What other options was there? You, of all people, know there is no more room in Gotham. Or did you forget your time in juvie just because there was no space anywhere before Brucie Wayne felt the need to take pity on the local circus freak?" Drake spits, running a frustrated hand through his hair.
Having heard the same thing from various people since he was nine, Dick did not react to the taunt. He is a bit uncomfortable that Drake knows of Dick's placement the first few weeks following his parent's deaths.
There should be no public record of that, as he wasn't sent to juvie for any crime. It was just the only place available with space. In his file, the only thing that indicated his stay there was the sentence "Emergency foster house twenty-three nine-teen," which happened to be the cell number they stuck him in.
Bruce had made an effort not to let that information leak since it embarrassed Dick and had buried it in piles and piles of legal actions. Not even Jason or Barbra could find it, even after they actively went looking for Dick's information. Just how much did Drake know?
"Whatever. It doesn't matter. Your government dogs can't get to the kids; Danny had a policy in place, and everyone involved knew the risks. They may spend the rest of their lives in prison, but they helped children, and they all would do it again. Those that age out are untouchable, and those that escaped will be hidden until their eighteen birthdays." Drake sighs, moving back to stand in front of Dick. His voice is unnervingly under control as if the fit he just had never happened.
This wasn't a boy with a regular imbalance; this was one who could and would think logically when hurting others. A sociopath, and worse, a dangerous one.
Drake's cold, emotionless eyes suddenly overwhelm Dick's sight as the boy leans in very close to hiss. "What matters is where you have Danny. Tell me where he is."
"He's in jail while they get his Blackgate cell nice and warm for him-"
Drake slaps Dick again, voice hard as steel but not raised. Not screaming. Just even, almost soft, were it not for the threat that lingers in each word. "Don't lie. Danny was never sent there."
"What? Of course, he was. After his arrest, he was taken to jail pending his trial." Dick insisted, watching as Drake's eyes ran over his face as if searching for fault in his words. "Everyone saw his arrest on TV!"
"You don't know," Drake mutters, leaning back and rubbing his chin. He isn't looking at Dick anymore, not really, but his eyes are trained on Dick's face. "Danny vanished a few hours after his arrest. There is no indication he was moved to any jail or police holding unit. There was a shift in guard, seeing as Officer Black was too emotionally compromised to finish. He hit Danny too many times not to count it as police brutality. I thought the Justice Leauge had taken him during that change in gaurd, but if it wasn't you, and it wasn't the government, then who has Danny?"
What?
"The hell are you talking about?" Dick demands, but Drake isn't listening anymore; he walks back into the shadows, his footsteps somehow louder than before as the door reopens.
This time, there is a small group of figures on the other side, each varying in size and gender, but one thing is clear.
They are all children.
The missing children from Crowne's ring, Dick is sure of it even if they all have half of their faces covered to protect their identity. A few of them send glares at Dick, but most are staring at Drake with anticipation.
One brave little girl, based on her voice steps forward.
She addresses Drake with an odd little salute, one closed fist smacking her chest before she twists her wrist, causing her fist to move forward and drags her hand down. "Leader?"
"He didn't take Danny," Drake announces, and a few shoulders drop in disappointment. "In fact, I'm starting to think no human did. Someone or something else is at play here."
"But…what about the Parkers?" A boy, older, maybe later teenage years, demands. He sounds worried, angry and frantic all mixed into one."They got sent to prison because of me!"
"They did not. They knew the risks and still chose to give you a good home. Don't worry; once we find Danny, we will be able to save the Parkers." Drake assured.
One of the children gestures at Dick, voice dipping into disgust. "What do we do with him?"
"Leave him be for now. We don't know when Grayson will come in handy for a hostage trade." Drake answers, not even bothering to glance in Dick's direction. "For now, we move as planned. Are the videos set to go?"
"Yes, Leader, they will broadcast over every open screen in the whole city. Everyone who ever talked bad about Danny is going to eat their words." Another boy, younger than Drake, it sounded like, announces holding up a tablet.
Drake takes it, considering the screen before gesturing for them to move. "Good job, team. By this time tomorrow, the world will never look at the Waynes the same again."
The group parts allow Drake to stride forward, and the door slams down again, leaving Dick to remain in his only source of light.
He sits there in confusion, wondering what the hell Drake was going on about. Obviously, Danny is facing justice for what he has done. Where else could he be?
It's not like people just vanish from government custody.
Did they?
A small horrifying thought starts to take root in Dick's mind as he carefully feels around his restraints, hoping to escape them.
What if Crowne was never the one selling the kids? What if someone else had framed him, and now that Dick had exposed him, they had chosen to silence him?
What if….Dick truly killed the man he loved?
Or what if Drake had it all wrong and was brainwashed like Harley Quinn with the Joker? How else would Crowne know to put policies that ensure the children were not found the moment he was captured? And what were they planning to do to the Waynes?
There were too many questions, not enough answers, and not nearly enough reassurance that everything would work out. For the first time in days, motivation and intent lit in Dick, and the broken-hearted man was gone.
Now, all that was left was one of the greatest heroes in the world, and he was ready to figure out what the hell was going on. He needed to get out of here.
He needed to find Crowne, there was obviously more then met the eye.
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aquaticmercy · 1 month ago
Text
Beautiful Mess
Summary : Bucky tries to cook you a food you’ve been craving. It goes wrong, but it also goes right.
Pairing : Bucky Barnes x Reader (she/her) 
Warnings : food, mild cursing? and lots and lots of fluff! 
Requested by : anon 
Word count : 1.5k
Note : It’s my first fic in 4 years and boy I forgot how good it felt writing for fun. Thank you to the anon who requested this! (I said it would be >1k word blurb but I got over the limit and I hope you don’t mind!) Enjoy!
Requests are open!
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“Shut up,” Bucky grumbled, aggressively poking at the smoke alarm with the end of his rifle case. He stretched on his toes, metal arm whirring as he tried to reach the obnoxiously tall ceiling. 
‘Oh this is wonderful,’ you had been giddy with joy when the two of you viewed this apartment, ‘I love the high ceilings, don't you, Buck?’
He had chuckled and agreed that day. For all he cared, the ceiling could be as high as the atmosphere allowed if it meant it made you happy. But now he was thinking maybe your next place should have, at the very least, a reachable ceiling on his tip toes. 
The shrill beeping had been going on for what felt like an eternity. Bucky Barnes has never been known for his patience, and now it was wearing dangerously thin.
Clearly, he hadn't thought any of his actions through. The rifle case was too flimsy, and it bent under the pressure of each jab. If the alarm didn’t stop soon, it wouldn’t just be his sanity at stake— the neighbours would probably come knocking on the door asking if they needed to evacuate.
"Great idea, Barnes. Brilliant," he muttered to himself, throwing a desperate scan around the room. His eyes landed on the bo staff you kept in the corner— a weapon from your training collection. 
“Perfect,” he said to himself, practically lunging for it. Surely, you wouldn’t mind him using it just this once. It was just a stick, right?
Grabbing the staff, he reached up again, tapping the alarm with its tip. His strength— which usually worked in his favour— became his single greatest enemy. With a loud snap, the white disk detached completely, wires dangling from the ceiling as the alarm finally went silent. A part of him took in the quiet bliss for a moment before realising the repercussions. He’d have to contact the building super, then pay the fees, and since he’s off for a mission in a couple of days, he had unintentionally given you a bit more life admin work around the house.
He cursed under his breath, staring at the detached alarm hanging limply in his hand.
He tossed it into the kitchen trash bin, as if hiding it there might make the problem disappear.  For a moment Bucky just stood there, staring at the mess around him, trying to make sense of how things had spiraled out of control.
He ran a hand through his brown thick locks, ones you had asked him to grow out again. He sighed. How did it go so wrong?
All he wanted was to do something nice for you. Just one thing. You’d been so good to him— so patient, especially after he'd returned from weeks of missions worn down and, admittedly, a bit grumpy. You greeted him with nothing but warmth, even though you were probably as tired as he was.
And then there was the food. Bucky still wasn’t sure why he'd been craving bland, 1940s-era meals, the kind no modern person could possibly enjoy, but you indulged him anyway. When he’d mentioned how much he missed a particular meatloaf recipe, you made it for him. He could tell from the look on your face that you were struggling not to spit every bite out, but you powered through for his sake. And when he’d told you about his mom’s molasses cookies, you had taken the time to bake a jar that tasted just like the ones from his childhood.
It was perfect. You were perfect.
So why couldn’t he get this right?
You'd been talking about focaccia earlier this week, your eyes lit up in childlike wonder as you told him about how you used to experiment with different toppings. He’d taken a mental note of that moment, thinking he could surprise you by making some himself.
He glanced around the kitchen. Flour dusted on nearly every surface, olive oil splattered on the counter, and a sad, burnt dough resting on the baking tray. 
Bucky sighed, leaning back against the counter, staring at the mess with a mixture of frustration and helplessness.
You’d probably laugh at this, he thought as a self-deprecating smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. He could already hear your teasing voice, reminding him that not everything had to be perfect.
But still, he wanted to get it right. 
He glanced at the clock. You’d be home soon. He had maybe thirty minutes to try and salvage this— or at least clean up the evidence before you walked through the door. 
Priorities, he thought.
He cracked his knuckles, pouring the excess dough to a new baking tray. He thanked whatever gods still existed that he had accidentally made way too much dough. Not even waiting for it to rise, he shoved it in the oven and reshaped it into something that didn’t look like a science experiment gone wrong.
“Okay,” he pressed a palm to his forehead as if that would magically clear his mind. “Focus.”
He realised the oven was too hot, and that was probably why it burnt. 
Very smart, Barnes, he thought to himself, about time you used basic logic.
As he fumbled with the oven dials, he heard the familiar sound of your keys jingling at the front door. His heart sank. Shit. She’s home early.
Frantically, Bucky darted toward the flour-covered countertops, grabbing a towel to wipe down the mess. But there was no saving kitchen wreck—not in under thirty seconds, anyway. 
You stepped through the door, humming softly to yourself as you dropped your heavy bag with a thud. You stretched your shoulders, straining a little from the weight. Tossing the keys to the side, you noticed how uncharacteristically quiet it is in your home.
As you moved deeper into the apartment, you saw why.
It was your boyfriend, standing awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen, holding a flour and oil-coated dish towel like a deer caught in headlights.
The corners of your mouth lifted. “What on earth?”
“I can explain,” a red plum blush coloured his cheeks, raising his hands in defense. You raised an eyebrow, stepping closer to the crime scene.
“Wait…” your eyes widened, “are you trying to make focaccia?” 
“Yeah,” he admitted sheepishly. “I thought I could surprise you with it, since you’d been talking about how much you love it. But, uh…” He motioned to the oven. “It’s not exactly turning out the way I planned.”
You let out a soft laugh, one that melted Bucky's heart, that made his chest thrum with joy. You took the towel from his hand, squirming then dropping it when you touched the part of the fabric that was very sticky with congealed liquid, clearly a mix of olive oil and flour. “I can see that,” you teased, quickly wiping your hand as you bent down to be eye-level with the dough. “What is this? An attempt at modern art?”
Bucky groaned, covering his face with his hands. You looked around the room, seeing your bo staff on the floor, and his (hopefully unloaded) rifle by the dishwasher. “Did you shoot it?” you joked.
“No.”
“Did you hit it with my stick?”
“It’s a disaster,” he complained, exasperated.
You took a deep breath and then giggled, your shoulders shaking as you leaned against his shoulder for support.
“I tried, okay?” he grumbled, part mortified, part relieved, and fully, thoroughly, embarrassed. Still, he could feel his heart flutter as he watched you laugh.
You cupped his cheeks affectionately. “I can’t believe you went through all this trouble just to make me bread.”
He shrugged, his expression softening as he looked down at you. “I just wanted to do something nice for you. You’ve been so good to me. I thought I could, I don’t know… return the favor.”
Your heart melted at his words. You didn't care about the focaccia, or the mess in the kitchen. It was about the fact that Bucky had gone out of his way to try and do something sweet for you— even if it clearly went south.
“Bucky,” you said softly, standing on your toes to press a chaste kiss to his lips. “I love that you tried.”
He sighed in relief, wrapping his strong arms around you, pulling you into his warm chest. “I just didn’t want to screw it up.”
“You didn’t,” you reassured, resting your head against his shoulder. “I didn’t even know you knew what focaccia was,” you teased.
He chuckled, burying his face in your hair. “I’m still not sure I do.”
You pulled back slightly, looking up at him “Tell you what, I’ll make you an offer. I’ll show you how to make focaccia, and we’ll order takeout in the meantime.”
Bucky’s smile widened, as he peppered kisses on your face, overwhelming you with as much love as he could possibly give, “That sounds perfect.”
You threw him a clean kitchen towel once you were able to escape his affectionate attack, not that you wanted to. “Now help me clean up, Buck.”
He grabbed the towel and started in the corner as you started chucking empty olive oil bottles into the trash bin.
Wait, trash bin-
“What the hell is the fire alarm doing in the trash, Barnes?” 
Bucky froze, turning to you with wide eyes. “I can explain.”
You tried to suppress a laughter, piecing together the clues, “Did you break it?”
He raised his hands in defense. “It was beeping, and I didn’t mean to rip it out of the ceiling…”
“You tried to kill it with my staff, didn’t you?”
“Maybe.”
You smiled. Oh, what a beautiful mess you had found yourself in.
-end
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