#its just a matter of how they decide to play it really and id love to see it go this way

[deardiarywrites]

⋆˙⟡ — get up girl ! how to get out of a rut

ᶻ 𝘇 𐰁 ˆ𐃷ˆ

have you been feeling pretty sluggish lately? life seems to be moving so fast, that you can't even keep up? you want to do things but just seem to not have the energy to do so? do you feel like you are stuck in a loop? the same days play out over and over, wake up, school, come home, crash in bed, scroll for hours, and then feel guilty for being so unproductive while your pile of work keeps increasing. sometimes it feels like life is just not playing out in the way you want anymore. it feels like you have lost control. you're spiralling, falling face first. everything feels so hopeless but then- you, yes you, decide to get your life together. for how long are you going to live like this? and that is how the metamorphosis started. 𖦹ࡇ𖦹 step one : accepting where you are right now yes, you heard that right. pause for a second. take a deep breath. look around you. the state of your bed. your books. your skincare products. your yoga mat. your screentime. your to-do list. tune into your body and just accept your current lifestyle. ⋆ if this makes you feel sad, don't worry you can change! ⋆ if you feel motivated to get better, great! this is how you can save a wasted day : 𝜗𝜚 take a nice long shower, wash your hair, do your skincare and a facemask. put on your fav cute outfit, state one thing you love about yourself and compliment yourself on it. then if you feel like you want to, complete one task from your to-do list. or if you feel like you aren't ready yet, complete atleast 1% of something. choose your outfit for tmrw. or read one page of a book. meditate for 5 minutes. switch off your phone for 15 minutes. just do anything which makes you feel alive. and then rest. the sun will rise again.

(˶ˆᗜˆ˵) step two : coming up with a game plan now that you are aware of your current lifestyle, make a list of all the things that you do/experience which drains your energy and those things which make you feel happy. for eg - energery drainers : doomscrolling, comparing myself to others energy replenishers : going for a walk, dancing to fav music now after you have created that list, choose one habit from each category. it is advisable to start slow as it prevents burnout + making yourself feel overwhelmed. starting with easy habits will help you trust yourself more and thus will make this journey a lot more fun. remember you don't need to get better overnight. this is a journey! now an example of a gameplan for your first week could be like this : habit : doomscrolling (habit to quit) replace with : dancing to fav music wake up 30 mins earlier and go to bed 30 mins earlier (habit to cultivate) slowly you can add more and more habits that you wish to nurture and delete those nasty habits which deplete your energy !!!! okay so now that you have a gameplan, how do you stay motivated? ✩࿐࿔ step three : how to make life feel more vibrant by romanticizing everything romanticizing life is one way to totally switch up the narrative as it helps you feel like the main character. id really suggest to have atleast some sort of platform where you can store your progress. you could take cute pictures and add cute songs and post them on instagram or blog abt it on tumblr. or if you are a shy person, you could create a private acc with 0 followers and track your progress there. every problem has a solution babygirl! so don't give in to your excuses. you could also make a new playlist and listen to songs which make you feel like your highest self. listen to it when you feel down. tap into your creative side. create things and share it with the world. you will feel 10x times better i promise. ‧₊ ᵎᵎ 🍀 ໒꒱ step four : believe in yourself sometimes.. life is just difficult. and you have no energy to do anything. so let yourself be. rest. crash out. cry. but promise me that you will always get back on your feet, no matter what. its okay to pause and step back. you can always start again. life can always change for you. but its up to you. nothing changes if nothing changes. so, what now?

[navxry]

HOLY SHIT???

The way it ENDED... OH MY GOD

Oh this is so. Okay I need to lie down. What the hell. Oh my GOD. /pos /exag

JUST...

Holy SHIT I can't stop reading it (I say as I reread it again to gather my thoughts. Did it work? No. No it did not)

Hi Harmony! I just noticed that your requests are open and I decided to drop by with a small request I thought about for weeks.

I was thinking about Arlecchino for a while, and it made me ponder of the concept of Arlecchino with a darling on a reincarnation AU. Maybe Arlecchino has met her darling at such an inconvenient time, and every time that it has happened, only she remembers their past lives.

It probably goes to the point that Arlecchino starts devising ways to be able to keep her darling safe, because each time they would meet, her darling gets into an accident... And it would seem that each time she tried, then it would simply fail. And it would push to a point where she resorts to one of the more not so morally good methods.

I don't know if this counts as a req. or a brainrot, but I offer you this idea because I think it could be interesting to think about sometimes. You're free to deny it btw if its typical, hard, or overall you can't write it <3 I completely understand if that's the case.

(p.s.: this is the one running @yxstxrdrxxm BAHAHAHAHAHA I'm sorry if I haven't replied to your message during OLC, I dont know how to talk to you w/o sounding really awkward </3 also!! hydration check! Anyways thats all, have fun with the idea + I hope you have a great day Harmony :D)

Pantomime Of The Night

yandere!arlecchino x reader

cw(s) : yandere, vampire!arlecchino, mentions of blood, murder, slight gore, non-consensual touching, unbalanced power dynamics

wc : 2.1k

a/n: omg hiii! would you believe me if I said I was just thinking about you before getting this ask? also please don't worry about my message! i had a hunch that you might be in a situation of sorts. thank you so so much for requesting arlecchino because i've been itching to write for her for a long time! i decided to go with vampire!arlecchino for this because i thought it'd suit the reincarnation theme well. i hope you enjoy it<3

At the deepest hours of the night, even the innocent crackles of hearthfire sound as clamorous as gun-shots.

You're dazed by the flame's continuous dance until the aroma of freshly brewed tea reaches your senses and the servants have left. A sharp clank from Arlecchino's glass and the weight of her gaze prompt you to meet her eyes. The light from the fireplace casts shadows on the other half of her fair face, she seemed to have foregone her usual taught posture in favor of a relaxed one. One of her hands supports her cheek while the other holds the wine glass, the beverage within sloshes as the claw-like accessories on her fingers curl around the object.

Your side of the table is far more decorated, desserts that you've never even seen in your impoverished mortal life and that tea you've grown fond of over the course of your stay in her mansion sit appetizingly. All beckon you to feast, all seek to fan the flames of voracity and you offer but a thoughtless stare in return.

The master of the house seems to have noticed your lack of appetite as she finally breaks the stretched out silence, “These are all confectioneries of the highest quality from the town and as I recall, all of your favorites. But you give them no more than a blank stare... you've also not taken a sip from the tea. May I inquire why?”

The raspy tone of her observation has your arms covered in gooseflesh, though, you note she does not sound as confused as her words suggest. You can feel her onyx eyes gloss over every part of your person, inspecting and dissecting each and every visible clue. You swallow dryly, “It’s just that it's way too late in the night,”

“Yet you look as ready as ever to head out. Tell me, have you been anticipating my return, dearest?”

Arlecchino stares pointedly at your attire, likely referring to the traveling clothes you have on instead of the silk nightwear that she had gifted. Your shoulders tense unconsciously, there's something about the way she speaks at this instance that has your heartbeat crescendoing. The silver haired woman gives you a few more beats of anxiety, her talons scrape against the dainty glass.

“I’ve been informed that you have not eaten anything since yesterday.”

The words escape her painted lips easily, but they don't fail to send a jolt through your system. Throughout your stay, she'd never spoken to you like this, like you were one of her children who did not know better and decided to cross a line. That realization renders you further puzzled, you did nothing wrong to begin with, but her tone made you feel as though you were on the verge of doing so. You clear your parched throat and gather yourself to meet her eyes. This time, you do not allow yourself to wilt at the force of her burning stare.

“Arlecchino, I have something to tell you.”

The addressed woman straightens up at your sudden serious tone, her hand abandons the wine glass on the table and you inhale involuntarily at the scratches that now decorate the object, “I’m all ears, dearest.”

Your brows crease, as usual, Arlecchino is courteous, too courteous for someone who makes it obvious she's informed of something that she wasn't supposed to know. She's been like this ever since you and your travel-partner stepped foot in her ambiguous estate. Initially, you were touched by the hospitality she and her adopted children had shown you. Your greed lulled any arising suspicions, you neither questioned why she'd been so generous to a commoner with nothing more than fifty mora to their name nor did you bother to think about how she was affording all those gifts. You naïvely wished to believe in her kindness and that nothing was wrong about this house. But of course, self-woven deceptions last so long.

“Before you mistake me for being ungrateful, I did plan to inform you before leaving. Me and my friend are extremely thankful for the care your house has shown us, but we cannot stay in one place forever.”

“Why not?” you halt at her abrupt question but she follows up before you could even part your lips, “Have we lacked in any area to provide you with the adequate comfort? Have any of my children said something? If it's the latter, I'll apologize in their stead, they can be quite playful at times, I'm sure you understand.”

You stare dumbfounded at the sudden turn this conversation has taken, she wasn't supposed to behave like this. Why is she searching for a reason to make you stay when she should've been happy that a burden was about to be lifted off of her shoulders? Are all nobles this pushy?

“I—” you cut yourself off as the silver-haired woman leans in without warning, her shadow envelopes the delicacies laid out on the small table.

“Or… have you seen something?” she drawled.

You cannot hold back a flinch this time. A curse echoes in your mind at your stupidity, this was no ‘conversation’ to begin with ; this was yet another trap and you'd willingly played right into the palm of Arlecchino's hand. If there's one thing you've learned about this mysterious noblewoman, it is that she enjoys the process of dragging answers out of everyone. From the very beginning, she was aware of your scheme but, she chose to wear that mask of courtesy one more time and lured you out in the open, unguarded. If only your friend arrived to fetch you from your room at the right time, you wouldn't be in this messy situation.

Your eyes dart from her unblinking expression to the sharp accessories that adorn her gloved fingers and something about them forces you to reply quickly.

“No! I mean, you know that I'm a traveler, do you not? It's already been six months since we came to your estate, me and my friend were starting to.. crave that adventurous thrill—yes! We were starting to miss being on the road and decided to depart in the early morning.”

Once upon a time, your late mother had told you that some people in this world are like spiders. They're always at the centerpiece of their lair, leaving intricate translucent webs for unassuming prey to get tangled upon. Although the croaked warnings of your bedridden mother did not make much sense to the younger you, you understood now exactly what she meant.

“Incorrect. You were planning to escape with that friend of yours, weren't you?”

The hearthfire burns bright, shrouding Arlecchino's expression in shadows. The chilling octave of her voice defeats the warmth of the fireplace and has every muscle in your body stiffened. Escape? Her word choice never ceased to baffle you throughout this faux tea-party. She speaks as though you were her prisoner instead of a guest. She tilts her head and has the audacity to look betrayed as though you were a possession she held dear, and not a random human she decided to take pity upon.

Arlecchino runs a hand through her silvery hair with a sigh that actually indicates ennui and you bite back a scowl, “Honestly, I do not understand why you even befriended that thing. He's an obnoxious blabbermouth with a nose bigger than his brain. And he's loud, too. You've always preferred to mingle with level headed people with a sufficient intellectual capacity in the past and here you are, glaring at me as though—”

“Don’t speak like you know me!”

You pant after the force of that outburst, your voice ricochets across the walls of her room and further beyond. You open your mouth to continue but stop when you notice a strange flicker in the silver-haired woman's eyes. It's gone in a blink and is replaced with irritation just as quickly however.

“Oh, but I do know you. I know you better than you know yourself, in fact. I know that there are exactly 11 moles throughout your body, I know all your preferences and fears. Don't believe me? Did you really never stop to question how I managed to give you things that catered to your tastes? How I knew what you desired even before you did? Or were you so mesmerized by the words of that friend of yours to pay minimum attention?”

If the tone of a person's voice could kill, you'd be rotting in a ditch by now. You would've never believed someone could sound this malicious while not even raising their voice. You want nothing more than to shrink away but the adrenaline accumulated through your anger pushes you to keep digging your grave.

“And so what if that's exactly how it is? You have no right to have a say in who I choose to be ‘mesmerized’ by!”

A ‘ha!’ laden with disbelief escapes Arlecchino's lips. Fine silvery strands bounce at the mocking tilt of her head, “So what will you do now? Walk out of the gates with that waste of space like nothing happened?”

“Oh, you bet I will!” you fume, rising from the chair and turning on your heels. You barely take one step away from the table until the full weight of Arlecchino's malice crashes down on you and you remember something important.

“Arlecchino, where is my friend?”

The silver haired woman leisurely raises her wine glass at your stilted words, “In my glass.”

You swivel towards her, blinking several times as if to confirm you didn't mishear.

“Well, here and… probably in the stomach of my pet vultures, excluding the carcass, that is. I'll admit, the taste is subpar compared to the trouble I went through. That thing kept on screaming until one of the vultures tore its heart out. Ugh, my ears are still ringing.”

Your wide eyes tremble towards the glass in her hand, the deep red liquid within sloshes to the direction of Arlecchino's hand ; paired with her words, your friend’s destiny becomes a no-brainer. All your wits abandon you in that instance and in a moment of sheer panic, you take a step back. Arlecchino promptly interferes with your plans, the door and windows close with no little sound and the table and your chair disappear without a trace—all in the snap of her fingers.

“What are you?”

You would've screamed if you didn't forget how to use your lungs. But then again, you doubt anyone would come to save you from her clutches even if you did. Your eyes connect to her onyx ones and in that moment, she appeared far less human than she'd been this whole encounter. Her pupils flash as two red xs and you feel an invisible pull tugging you to her side. The temptation dominates any coherent thoughts until you find yourself an arms length away from her seated self. Her claws dig into the flesh of your arm and yank you to her lap.

Free from the haze of that strange sensation, the first thing that permeates your senses is how cold Arlecchino's proximity is. Your palm meets her chest in a feeble attempt to push her away but all it does is stun you when you notice the absence of a heartbeat. You feel the sting of something sharp on your chin and waist, your eyes glance back and forth between the sources—dread pools in your stomach. Because of your closeness and the light from the fireplace, you're able to see that the sharp objects you'd mistaken for accessories are actually her nails and the gloves, her real skin.

Perhaps your trembling was so pitiful that Arlecchino could not help but soften her gaze, “Do you truly not recall?”

You look up at her, thoroughly perplexed. There's that previous glint in her eyes again but you've already accepted that understanding this woman was beyond you. One moment she accuses you as though you've been unfaithful, then she vividly describes how she murdered an innocent man and the next she looks almost… hurt?

“Recall what?”

The silver-haired woman’s red lips part and you gulp as unnaturally sharp fangs sneer at you. Albeit, she does not answer you and you wonder if you should get accustomed to playing mental gymnastics with her just to get a simple answer. Her talons let go of your waist and drag their up to your collarbone, creating a deliberate and irrepairable tear on your clothes. Her nails drum against your skin for three seconds before they latch onto your throat.

“Although, that'll no longer be an issue.”

She forces you to make eye-contact with a sharp tug on your chin, the color drains from your face as her cool breath washes against your skin. You open your mouth to say something, anything, but are quickly shushed as you feel her fangs sink into your lower lip.

“Because, we'll have ample time to get acquainted with each other starting from today.”

[cherryrikis]

ONE LESS LONELY GIRL - 010 ! you + me = serotonin boost

PAIRING idols riki x fem reader

SYNOPSIS fans always point out the chemistry between you and riki, and it only continues to grow after you become mc’s together on music bank. but as your feelings rise, so does the tension. and people begin to notice, so you try not to let riki know how you feel. but unbeknownst to you, he feels entirely the same way.

previous <> masterlist <> next

authors note can u tell we’re approaching the end :,( 5 more eps left (+ a bonus chapter i have planned for my bday in 2 weeks🤷‍♀️). i havent been updating lately bc i had a big project for school but its okay bc i finished it!

you almost felt bad for ignoring riki throughout these last few weeks. especially since it wasn’t necessary, considering you had already talked about your feelings and he knew to give you space.

but riki decided it was enough. now that you expressed yourself, he wanted some room to talk about his experience too. or at least, just to hear a little more about yours.

as always, you were rushing off stage after thanking the artist for coming onto the show, just to beat riki to go backstage. but he had caught onto your pattern, catching up sooner than you’d expected.

gently, riki grabbed your arm and dragged you into his dressing room.

when he wasn’t looking, you nearly escaped, but you were barely caught in time. riki pulled you back onto the couch as he stood in front of you, with his hands on his waist.

“y/n.” he sighed. “as much as id love to give you your space, and i don’t mean to push, but don’t you think it’s been too long? i mean, are you okay? are you even taking care of yourself? i just want to know if you’re ready to talk.”

you pouted at his worried expression, watching as he examined your face for any sign of drowsiness or discomfort.

“i’m fine riki. and i’m sorry for ignoring you, i really am,” you reached for his hand, guiding him to sit next to you. “ive just been so overwhelmed with everything going on. and i just needed time away from that, i almost even considered going on hiatus. but i should’ve known better than to hide it from you.”

“my poor y/n. you’ve been through so much. maybe even more than ive had to endure.” he mumbled as he began to carefully play with your hair.

slowly, you reached for his fingers to pull them away from your scalp, before looking into his eyes. riki smiled as he began to lean closer. you were able to feel his breath right against your mouth, before he pressed his lips against yours.

he brought his hand up to hold the back of your neck as you moved to grip his bicep. you could feel riki sigh into the deepened kiss, before pulling away to catch his breath.

riki moved lower to press light kisses from your cheek, down to your neck and right above your collarbone, before leaving one last peck on your lips.

“missed you. good to know you aren’t running away from me again.” he joked.

“oh shut up!” you gently slapped his chest. “glad you aren’t tripping over yourself for my attention. even though you’ve always had it.”

“smooth,” riki laughed. “did you learn from sunghoon?”

“..sure.” you smiled, tilting your head to the side.

you had your riki back, and that was all that mattered. it was over for the mean time. you were just glad you could actually look forward to music bank from now on.

TAGLIST (italics = couldnt be tagged) @hannicorpse @luvvhaerin @chaevibes @en-verse @ren2jay @choppedballoondetective @heartheejake @imanalien143 @istglevi-gotmesimping @yndairy @eleanorheartschishiya @lonelylandofan @gweoriz @jaemified @onlyhyunjin @softpia @frecklesbrownies @riksaes @wensurr @rikifordmiami @brideslit @ant-onie @yumilovesloona @aeminju @hoonics @catecita @clampclover @rei4sunoo @addictedtohobi @rikidaze @baekxo07 @xotyla @melancholy-z @rikisgeef @jung1w0n @tocupid @onlyseung @i03jae @iheartshopping @istphanie @queenriki7 @academiq @1117promises @nctislifue @haechansbbg @rairaiblog @nabia-bia @pkjay @lixiebokie @hiekoo @r1kizerr @d-dilemma @kingofthekards @iilwji @hoonatic @woorcve @enhaz1

[nmakii]

Ok so another part to your yandere alastor series?! Im like obsessed with them, i love the way you write Alastor!!

So an idea i guess? I love the idea Alastor slowly corrupting his kids and reader trying her best to correct them? Obviously she can’t. Idk, i can see Al wanting his son carry on his legacy while his daughter is becomes a sweet but strong woman who can probably destroy your life in a matter of minutes. I just want his kids to get corrupted to become like him!! 😭

IN A MOURNING WARNING, NO ONE HEARD

[hold up! read the rest of the story first!]

— day by day, alastor ruined your children with his malicious thoughts, while you set them straight. it’s as if evil and good decided to fight their battle in your house.

every day in this house was a headache. sleeping beside the monster called husband every night, him cuddled up to your side as if he hadn’t broken your hopes for years. acting in front of your children as if everything was fine— that they had parents who were madly in love with each other. and, raising your children. of course, raising them in itself is difficult, but alastor seems to just enjoy making your life a hell on earth.

implanting evil thoughts into your babies’ minds, and there was no one else but you to fix his mess. to instill morals in their minds, and to make sure they grow up to be diligent and kind.

sitting down at the dinner table seemed to grow harder and harder each day. resisting the urge to vomit as your son told you and alastor of how he found a rat at school, and how he had cut its’ tail off to see if it’d regrow like a lizard. the image of your little boy being so cruel made you sick to your stomach. and, alastor, he’d done nothing but laugh. “oh, my! quite the experiment, my boy!” he chuckled as he took another bite of his food. “now, dear… that isn’t very nice, don’t you think?” you frowned. “mmh, but dad said that i should feed my curiosity!” noah pouted.

“well, dad is true on that. but, you shouldn’t feed your curiosity if it hurts other people or animals.” you said, lecturing him. “au contraire, my love.” alastor interrupted. “id say that curiosity is one of the most important human emotions! how else do you think mankind discovered to hunt and cook chicken, pork, beef…” he rambled. “they are good for the body, aren’t they? they give the body protein so that they’re strong and so they can protect the people they love! don’t you want our little boy to protect his friends and family?” he raised an eyebrow. “yeah, momma! so that i can protect you and emilia!” noah said.

you felt your heart crack at his words. it seemed as if there was no hope in undoing what alastor had done. as if the little boy you worked hard to raise died. but, maybe there was still hope for your daughter.

“oh, and dad!” noah said excitedly as he looked to alastor. “my friends think its so cool that we go hunting, and they wanna join too! can we bring them, please?” noah begged, bringing alastor’s amusement. “aw, they want to join us? hm, i suppose we could, but only if they’re as well-behaved as you!” he hummed, to noah’s delight. “really?! you’re the best, dad!” noah grinned, running to alastor to loosely hug him by the neck. “yes, yes… now, go finish your meal. your mother worked hard to cook that, and it won’t taste so good when it’s cold.” he said, patting his son on the head.

you zoned out, staring at your daughter in her chair, playing with her food, and scratching the bowl with her little fork. she giggled and talked to herself, before blood started flowing from her nose. “oh, dear…” you muttered under your breath, running to the kitchen to get a tissue paper. “eww! momma, emilia is drinking her own blood! yuck!” noah called out, scrunching his face in disgust. and, when you returned, emilia was, indeed, drinking her own blood— licking her top lip as the blood leaked, and smiling at the metallic taste in her mouth. “oh, emi, sweetie… don’t do that. blood is yucky.” you scolded your daughter as you wiped the blood from her nose.

“yummy!” she shouted, licking her lip for the remains. alastor grinned at her comment, “i couldn’t agree more, baby!” he laughed, swaying the water in his glass. “not right now, alastor. emi is bleeding.” you huffed out in a frustrated manner. “ah, i suppose you’re right, darling. emi, baby, are you okay?” he cooed to your daughter across the table. “i’m okay, daddy!” she grinned, going back to eating as per usual, despite the roll of tissue in her nostril.

“are you okay, my love?” alastor asked, his eyes moving to you. “i’m alright, just exhausted today.” you let out, keeping your emotions and intentions to yourself. “hmm, then why don’t you rest after dinner, dear? noah and i can wash the dishes.” he assured you. “wah?! but, dad, i wanna go play!” noah huffed and pouted. “now, son… protecting also means to help others when they are tired. don’t you wanna help momma?” he asked your son. and as noah thought it over, alastor spoke again, giving him more of an incentive. “now, i hate to do this… but, if you don’t help your mother, i won’t bring your friends to hunt.” noah’s eyes widened at the unfairness. “what?!” he frowned. “guh, fine, ill do the dishes!” he pouted, gathering the cleared dishes and bringing them to the sink. “hmph, good boy.” he grinned. “go rest now, dear.”

and, as you went up the stairs, that moment finally dawned on you. that hunting with his friends and father meant so much to him, he was willing to do household chores. it shattered your heart as tears filled your eyes— why couldn’t you go back to a simpler time? when it was just the two of you. when all you had was each other.

“momma, i missed you!” noah said hugging your legs as you returned from work. “aw, i missed you too, baby!” you smiled at your precious boy. “c’mon! i wanna play with you!” he said, attempting to pull you by your wrist. “in a second, sweetie! momma has to take off her heels!” you laughed.

that memory was 6 years ago.

[regrettorisotto]

mason... please... mason hewitt my goat i need to see your headcanons for him

Im guessing this is about this post so im gonna do that :) thanks for asking and please feel free to pester me with/about all kinds of headcanons!!

Sexuality Headcanon: gay and he knew it from day one, there was never any questioning it or a big coming out

Gender Headcanon: i feel like when he learned about trans people he went through a few months of am i....??? but eventually came to the conclusion that he probably isnt. Might change his pronouns to he/they in college tho

A ship I have with said character: well him and corey obviously, but I do understand people that ship him with liam. Not in an endgame way but i think its very possible that they kissed at least once, maybe when liam started figuring out his own sexuality.

Also like i said in this post, corey and mason collectively deciding they want to date Brett too is just awesome

A BROTP I have with said character: him and lydia!! I think he idolizes her a lot and when she starts college he asks her soo many questions about her courses and campus life and everything. Theyre also the ones that exchange the most dry looks at pack hangouts. And when they all play mario kart together Lydia will use Mason as her joker and switch him in to play for her just so he can beat Stiles. Same with board games; theyll team up together and they WILL win no matter the cost.

A NOTP I have with said character: hmm i cant really see him with most other characters. Malia would definitely make the least sense but then again i dont think any woman makes sense for him.

A random headcanon: Heee fucking loves snow. Hes the biggest snow fan youll meet. Hes so sad he lives somewhere it doesnt snow. Hes the first to petition for the pack to get a little farm house somewhere further up north, and he succeeds because Malia gets unexpectedly invested and also starts pestering everyone about it. The pack spends every winter holiday and christmas up there. They make snow people building contests and Scott walks around giving everyone funky names and hats. They start up a weird hat collection over the years because everyone keeps bringing new funny hats to the house. Theo would act like one of those dogs that jumps around catching snowballs with his mouth all day when hes full-shifted. Argent will make his throws more and more difficult to catch and Theo will definitely take it as a challenge. In the evenings they sit around the fireplace and Mason sometimes pulls out his guitar to play a few soft tunes.

General Opinion over said character: i like him a lot!! Hes a very entertaining character and hes really the perfect best friend for Liam. I wish theyd focused more on him when he was the Beast tho. I keep forgetting that was actually him. Id love to see how that affected him long term, maybe even with some physical leftover abilities or something? It's just never really brought up again after.

[absurdly-overpowered-astronaut]

The first of (hopefully) many OC ramblings

part two

Oc posting? On this blog? More likely than you think! >:)

These guys are Kat (the one on the left) and Tory (one on the right) I made them for my writing class last week and to boil the story down to an elevator pitch ‘one day Kat discovers that not only are ghosts real but there is a secret organisation (well calling them an organisation is abit generous theres like 20 people with no funding) hunting them and on top of that that his best friend is now a ghost and hence dead! So to stop his friend’s ghost from getting hunted and to combat his inferiority complex he and Tory decide to join this organisation and now have to juggle life , death , ghosts hunting and stopping said ghost hunters from working out one of them is secretly a ghost oh and on top of that Kat‘s best friend is still somehow still alive?! Now there are two of them. One who is alive and one who is dead.’ this ended up longer than I thought it would…oh well I guess it’s just a really long elevator ride.

Talking about them more as characters

Kat struggles alot with as aforementioned inferiority. He’s never really been able to understand socialising so as a result to participate in conversations he learned to put himself down / put himself in uncomfortable situations and that self depreciating humour was the only way he could socialise consistently. It was easier to just assume he was always wrong then it was to try and understand the complexity’s of the social dynamics at play or to stand up for himself , It was easier to not try at any then to try really hard and get picked apart by his family for not being the best at said thing , it was easier to take the blame for things he didn’t do because no one would believe him anyway.

This is where Cory comes in (Cory is alive version of the character and Tory is dead version of the character I don’t want to get to much into Cory because I’m writing this as a way to recover from exam week stress and I’ve worked out that if I ration out oc lore posting then I can cover all the exam days but anyway I’m getting off track) Cory is someone Kat has very complicated VERY gay feelings over. On the one hand Cory is like a life raft to Kat he’s his only friend , he stands up for him , he acts as almost a social translator of sorts , he gives Kat a space to be start to unlearn bad coping mechanisms.

But Kat also feels a tangled mess of guilt and jealousy. Cory is smart , he doesn’t struggle with understanding things and seemingly has a good home life (all of which are some what untrue but once again I’ll hold off on the Cory info dumping) he feels like Cory is just wasting his time on him like he should and will be abandoned by Cory and its just a matter of time but also that he wants to be like Cory. Less in a apparitional way but more in a “the oracle told me to beware the ides and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t wished for an untimely death or demise what motivates me is it hatred is it love? Whats wrong that I too wish to be great and my mother wished she’d had a son” way , he doesn’t want to be like Cory so much as he wants to be the idealised version of Cory in his head. By demonising himself and idolising Cory he ends up in a cycle of hurting both himself and his best friend and Cory accidentally feeds into this also with his own toxic mentality “if I show him any part of myself thats not presentable he’ll leave me” and the boys are so wrapped up in their own perceptions of eachother they can’t recognise how the other person is hurt and how they are hurting themselves and its a whole thing or in other words.

Conversely Tory is a seemingly very different person to Cory despite being the same person. Cory is very charismatic and presents outwardly as self sufficient but Tory for lack of a more fitting descriptor is a sad wet cat in human form. A pathetic little mew mew if you will. (Also the reason he is call Tory is because its short for Cory two and sounds like とり)

Tory and Kat have a very different dynamic than Cory and Kat having pretty much flipped dynamics. Where as in Cory and Kat’s relationship Cory had the power now Kat has the power. He gets to be the one who knows things , he gets to be the protector , he gets to keep secrets for the greater good and he gets the social power. He enjoys getting to have power and agency.

I’m struggling to be coherent so I’m going to put this in terms of Krapman’s triangle.

Kat and Cory is victim saviour Kat sees Cory as his saviour Cory see’s himself as Kats saviour and Kat see’s himself as a victim with no agency and Cory see’s Kat as a victim with no agency that needs protection.

Kat and Tory is saviour victim Tory sees Kat as his saviour Kat see’s himself as Tory’s saviour and Tory see’s himself as a victim with no agency and Kat sees Tory as a victim with no agency that needs protection.

(I’ve been listening to alot of Crane Wives recently and they are very inspired by many a Crane Wives song)

Now I should probably explain the goose in the room. That is Goose! She is part of the ghost hunting agency and is able to sense supernatural forces. Tory because of his ghost powers he and by extension his team become high ranking members of the organisation and Goose is assigned to the team under the guise of being part of the promotion but is actually there to prove the leader’s suspicions of Tory actually being a ghost.

I like to imagine if this become anything it would be a really cool set up and pay off of having Goose the join the party really early on and the audience is all like “okay cool animal companion” but then during the BIG REVEAL that the ghost hunters knew the whole time that Tory was a ghost because of Goose and was just waiting to act on this information and just having Kat be absolutely crushed that he tryed so hard to protect Tory and he felt useful and like a smart boy and it turns out that it didn’t even matter and all because of a singular silly goose.

Goose being a goose was inspired by a video I saw the other day taking about how geese were becoming used as guard animals in prisons instead of dog because geese can not be bribed and thought it was fitting. I also just like geese.

This is the concept art I drew of the boys! They didn’t change to much from their initial concept designs surprisingly.

Now I get to talk about the magic system of the world! I’m unreasonably proud of it :) Okay so I really like the prison uniform designs in milgram and I kept seeing pictures of these cool beats and such which made me want to craft a world where the characters wore this kind of belt/cottage core stuff and so I came up with the idea of ghosts being repelled by natural materials!

Leather , whool , chawk , lead , sticks ect ect and it just opened up so many fun possibilities. I haven’t fully worked out how ghost would react to the materials I know touching them to ghosts feels like burning and they are repelled/negatively effected by them I just haven’t figured out to what extent. Here some visuals concepts I drew of possibilities. It was actually really fun to make the smoke effect it was just a scribble that I erased holes into and then blended.

I don’t want to say to much because this once again ties into Cory stuff so I’ll go more in more depth in the future but essentially ghosts attacking people used to be a really big problem in the past so clothes where designed with this in mind but after ghost all mysteriously vanished clothes started to be made of non-natural materials and no longer had ghost protection in mind so the ghost hunters wear older clothing styles because those provide the most protection (and makes them visually distinct from other characters :) IT IS SO FUN TO THINK OF DIFFERENT OUTFIT COMBINATIONS FOR CHARACTERS!

There are a couple different things ghosts can do personal to the ghost but the most can do possession , levitate objects/people and switch things.

Kat uses knifes and fights in close range so the ghost could easily make contact with him and possess him so he wears a wool sweater , gold necklace and leather bag all these are around the area that gets touched to get possessed to avoid this but getting levitated isn’t really issue like it would be for other characters because he can just throw his knifes so he doesn’t have any ghost protection on his shoes/legs.

Even though the bag provides a perch for Goose and is good protection it could get trouble some in close combat so it has clips so that it can be dropped easily.

All the characters have atleast two outfits. One is for when they are ghost fighting in public and don’t want to look suspicious and other is for when they are alone and can afford to be as protected as possible.

The buttons are made of ghost resistant materials and are to prevent ghosts from attempting suffocation. Kat can’t actually uses his knives when undercover so he uses his bag as a weapon but when its just the ghost hunters he’s allowed to go stabbing (only ghosts ofc)

And then Tory doesn’t have anything because he is a ghost and it would hurt him :( (this is actually the reason why Cory has little wooden do ups on his jacket and Tory doesn’t. Its because the wood as a natural material would hurt Tory so he has to get them changed)

it was/is so fun to think of different ways of using the ghost weakness for character design purposes and fight scenes where cards are effect by different techniques to different degrees and ahh so fun! I never thought I’d love thinking about this kind of stuff so much.

Here is some art of them from when I actually started to finalise their designs.

I had alot of fun designing hair for these two especially. It was an interesting challenge in stylisation. I tried to give them similar but different shapes.

Thank you so much for reading about my sillys!!!! In honestly it means the absolute world to me that you read the whole thing :)

[thesharkbaitspellbook]

Sigyn

Norse Goddess Fidelity, Greif, Sharer or Burdens, Loyalty, Mothering, Gentle, Compassion, Mercy, Devotion

Intro

It probably doesn't come as a surprise that like many other deities in Norse myth, we know very little about Sigyn. We have one main story that includes her and really that's it. That story is referenced across sources so I have always taken that as it does play a major factor in her character. Throughout this breakdown, I will be marking where upg and spg inserts begin with her. And hopefully I get across how amazing Sigyn can be and what she can aid with, not just in my own praxis, but others as well.

To get a sneak peek before continuing to read I will say that Sigyn is very nice, gentle and comforting with that softer strength. Like, I don't know how else to summarize her. She's quieter and reserved as she balances Loki's boldness. A wonderful and loyal presence to those she cares for. She like the mom friend that is in your corner no matter what troubles you find yourself in. Sigyn is the grass we all need to touch sometimes. The gentle hand that runs across your forehead and tells you everything is going to be OK.

So let's go on a journey of exploration together 💚

Epistemology

There a little bit of a debate on what Sigyn's name actually means or what it stems from. The common interpretation right now is: "its first member Sig° would reflect a variant in composition of ON sigr ‘victory, battle’, the outcome of PGmc. segiz- ‘id.’ (Goth. sigis ‘νῖκος’, OE siġe) and PIE ség̑ʰ-es- ‘overcoming’ (Ved. sáhas- ‘violence, force’; PIE seg̑ʰ- ‘overcome’; cf. Ved. sáha-te ‘overcomes’); its second element °yn would be the outcome of earlier °vin ‘female friend’ (cf. ON vinr ‘[male] friend’), the reflex of PGmc. wenjō- ‘id.’ (PIE u̯enH- ‘love’; cf. Ved. vánas- ‘desire’, Lat. Venus ‘lovegoddess’). Sigyn (Sig-vin) would therefore either mean ‘victory-friend’ or be the feminine derivative of a masculine personal name Sig-vinr ‘victory-friend" … "On the strength of it, a new interpretation for Sígyn will be advanced, namely as the reflex of the weak stem of PIE sei̯k u̯ -én-ih2-/-n̥-i̯éh2- ‘she of the pouring’, a devī́- derivative of *sei̯k u̯ -eno- ‘pouring’ (: Ved. °sécana- ‘id.’), whose semantics would closely correspond to Sigyn’s main role in myth; exact and partial matches for this analysis may be identified in Ved. °sécanī- ‘pouring, pouring ladle’ (sei̯k u̯-én-ih2-) and in the Latinized C3ltic river-name and theonym Sēquana (sei̯k u̯-en-eh2-), respectively" From this paper

I like the second interpretation better as it follows Sigyn's character in myth more closely. But ultimately you can decide which fits best for you!

Kennings

Historical:

Wife of Loki

Delight of Loki’s Hall

Incantation-Fetter

Meinsvarra: "The cargo of the arms of the harm-woman"

Modern:

Lady of Staying Power

Lady of Unyielding Gentleness

Lady of the Unconquerable Heart

Mother of Narvi and Vali

North Star

Victory Woman

Lady of Loyalty

Loki’s Treasure

Devoted Mother

Lady of Endurance

Goddess of Constancy

Goddess of Victory

Goddess of the Heart

Goddess of Neglected Children

Goddess of Comfort

Healer to All

Mother to All

Beloved of Monsters

Balm for the Broken

Hearthkeeper of The Flame

Myths

Prose Edda: Gylfaginning [33, 50], Skáldskaparmál [1, 23, 30]

Poetic Edda: Voluspa [35], Lokasenna [64, 65]

The most famous appearance is this part of Loki's story:

"Then Skadi took a venomous serpent and fastened it up over him [Loki], so that the venom should drip from the serpent into his face. But Sigyn, his wife, stands near him and holds a basin under the venom-drops; and when the basin is full, she goes and pours out the venom, but in the meantime the venom drips into his face. Then he writhes against it with such force that all the earth trembles: ye call that 'earthquakes.' There he lies in bonds till the Weird of the Gods." -Gylfaginning, 50

Aspects and Relationships With Other Deities

Loyalty and Fidelity

Sigyn, in her stories, exudes loyalty to Loki. She stands by him in his most trying times. I think that is pretty obvious. But I want to talk about her marriage here.

UPG INCOMING: Regarding Loki Loki is a complex character that is largely misunderstood in some modern circles. (I won't dive into that here but… I can in a future post if that's wanted 😉 ) But Sigyn is mentioned in his kennings… often. Often enough for me to conclude she was important to them. Even with the titles like "Burden of Sigyn's Arms". It gives my the impression Loki fully appreciates and even might feel guilty for bringing that entire situation onto her. And keeping the label as a reminder to himself and others. And vice versa I think Sigyn truly cared and loved Loki simply due to standing by him when the rest of Aesir hated him. Divorce was an option for her (look at Njodr and Skadi). But she chose to stay. And I think that says a lot about her. I believe this tells us that she supports the many faces and sides to Loki, and understands that he has many roles to fill for different reasons. Sigyn provides the anchor to Loki. she provides a warm heart and open arms. She provides Loki the opportunity to raise children, to be a father, to be grounded. I love love LOVE the images of her being the softer, blushing, reserved person matched with Loki's boldness. Personal impact: I resonated a lot with this relationship in my personal life. I rave about my husband a lot because he is great lol but he is also kind of misunderstood and not always liked in a similar way to Loki. He can be loud in asserting himself (especially about me to others) and setting up boundaries, came from the oil field and can be vulgar, is a big body builder and brown which people perceive as "scary", can be angry and frustrated…. so I fully related to Sigyn loving and being devoted to a perceived "difficult" husband. Yet like her, I love my husband more than anything. Okay, this got sappy but you get it.

More UPG incoming: Regarding Loki and Angrboða I have never felt there was a relationship between Sigyn and Angrboða beyond a mutual respect. In modern terms, I see the three as a polycule. And this plays into the sentence I said earlier: "I believe this tells us that she supports the many faces and sides to Loki, and understands that he has many roles to fill for different reasons." Angrboða provides Loki something different but that he also needs. Sigyn knows and supports that. (Queen Queer Ally of Norse Mythology, For real! ) Without rambling too much I want to show the difference: Angrboða could not be more different from Sigyn, but is equally as important. Angrboða allows Loki to be a mother, a way for him to provide the world with things it needs most, care (Hel), hope (Fenrir) and protection (Jormy). Her relationship with Loki isn't what you would call conventional, but it isn't an affair, she isn't a mistress or a side piece. She is an equal in a 3 part equation. She is loving and caring, but in a very different way. She isn't the cuddle at home, watch a movie kinda gal like Sigyn would be. She's more the 'lets go get tequila and fuck shit up' kinda gal. Now some could and would say this isn't really important, and maybe they are right, but for some it is, Some of us grow out of that, but some of us need that. Which, I think, Loki does Personal Impact I wasn't going to touch on this but for sake of complete-ness, I will. It's not a secret I'm cis/het and want to be the best ally I fucking can be lol. Sigyn, honestly, has helped in that so so so much. Honestly I role model for me in that area. Granted we don't know a lot about her… but I feel that similarity in being the wife and accepting the person she loves with zero question or hesitation. idk I just really love that little insert. And not one I see talked about enough.

Mothering

It is only briefly mentioned that Sigyn and Loki had two sons. And due to the UPG above^^ she also has at least three polycule children. So, she was a mother and can be given this association rather easily.

UPG INCOMING Regarding her and Loki's children Look at these kennings: Devoted Mother, Goddess of the Heart, Goddess of Neglected Children, Goddess of Comfort, Mother to All, Beloved of Monsters, Hearth keeper of The Flame… This told me that collectively many could agree that Sigyn did care and probably helped care for Loki's other children with love and compassion. I've considered suggesting Sigyn as a good deity for someone like a foster parent, or parents looking to adopt because she just exudes this energy of willing to take in anyone that needs a home to go to. Just so caring despite everything she has had to endure. I admire that about her. Truly, think she is a good one to reach out to if you've struggled with a mother figure, or if you need a loving mother figure in your life. Personal Impact Unironically, both my pets were given to us by farms and people who did not want them. (can you believe my 90lb puppy was the runt of the litter??) Me and my husband took them in because honestly it was us or the pound and we couldn't let that happen when we knew we could make it work. Kinda what we are known for now lol After bringing Sigyn in to my hearthcult, I side eye that action as a nod to her.

Greif and Sharing of Burdens

In the stories, we see Sigyn lose her home, her sons killed, her polycule children ostracized and bound, and her husband tortured. I honestly can't imagine the grief Sigyn carries with her. She is known as the sharer of burdens because of the image around her holding the bowl up with her arms for Loki. She does so with seemingly no hesitation.

UPG INCOMING When I picture the scene of Sigyn holding the bowl over Loki, I see Sigyn with tear filled eyes and trying to hold it together after watching her sons be murdered and her husband in agony. And I personally think that sadness stays with her. But omg, to me that makes her seem like an incredibly strong as a woman. And that she is willing to be there and help others bear their hardships when they can't. I picture her as the one that will hold your hand and sit with you in the darkness simply so you aren't alone. And when you feel like you just can't keep going, she holds you up on her shoulder and helps you trudge the rest of the way. Even if you're both shedding tears as you do so. This is what I meant by "quieter strength". She is so strong without needing to show it through muscles or even words… Personal Impact Surprise, I have depression. And sometimes in life it is worse than others. Sigyn's strength honestly inspires me a lot. and helps me…. And even though I might have recognized it until recently, she's exactly what I hope to be. I want to help those around me not feel like I did/do. I can hold your hand if you need me to and be there when you just need a friend. Like, imagine Loki coming home from an adventure that he both started and finished and needing to just vent about it. Sigyn has that listening ear. I vent to her too over coffee lol.

Inner Child healing

With both of the above aspects I don't see why going to her for some inner child healing/ childhood healing isn't more common. Personally I think she'd be a great healer in that way (has been for me). This is where I place her a healing type. Literally heals with love and kindness.

Binding Magic

I bet you were not expecting that title lol. After everything I just said about how caring and wonderful Sigyn is… There is one very mysterious kenning of Loki thought to be about her in Eilífr Goðrúnarson’s Þórsdrápa, which is an early skaldic poem. Now, I am not a language expert and I am relying on others expertise here but "farmr arma hapts galdrs" : "burden of the arms of the captive of magic" or something like that, it’s a little difficult to unpack… this is the “incantation fetter” comes from. It’s not clear why this would refer to Sigyn. And it's likely due to some story lost to time. To add to this, another kenning given to Loki in Eilífr Goðrúnarson's Þórsdrápa is: The cargo of the arms of the harm-woman. Now some people associate this with Angrboda. However Falkes' translation comments that it actually might be in reference to Sigyn because as far as we know when referencing Loki being a burden to someone's arms, it implies Sigyn. Now, one very important thing to note is snorri, saxo, and other scribes writing down these stories had major biases… and a big thing they tried to do with varying degrees of success is erasing the magical traditions. I mention this because if Sigyn had some historical association to magic it was likely erased from the books. And that is an unfortunately reality for us heathens lol

UPG INCOMING Okay so realistically, how much can we get from a kenning that isn't even Sigyn's? Well, here's my little insert on it. As stated, I can heavily relate to a lot about Sigyn. So I can easily imagine with her love and devotion in her life… comes with protection of her own kind. "Binding magic" can be expressed in various ways but the one that stands out to me is binding someone in the way of like, freezer spells. where the idea is to bind someone temporarily to learn a lesson. Now, the "harm-woman"…. Honestly I think of hexes and baneful magics. If she had some some of binding idea attached to her, i don't see why a hex and other baneful working are out of the scope of probability. (A girl after my own heart, truly lol) I know when people come after my family I instantly think "no you need a time out." which is exactly what binding something can feel like. Could it have a more sinister background and could go deeper? sure. of course. But with the image of Sigyn being a gentle parent to me, I could see her using time out in more than one way lol

Correspondences

💚 Symbols: Bowl, Cup, North Star [I've seen this one around and honestly don't know where it came from, I like it as like a symbol of hope and guidance], Keys, Stars 💚 Colors: Green, Yellow, Browns, Grays, Pink 💚 Animals: Red Fox, Serpent (for me specifically yellow ones), Wolves, Does, Green Moths 💚 Misc Things: Pearls, Dolls, Stuffed Animals, Rose Quartz, Beads, String 💚 Offerings: Mead, Meat, Honey, Grain, Bread, Yogurt, Sheep Milk, Cheese, Apples, Sweets, Cakes, Chocolate, Sweet Wines

[soupdeewoop]

favorite lines from "THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT: THE ANTHOLOGY"

and it hits me, i just dont understand how you dont miss me, in the black dog

that was intertwined in the magic fabric of our dreaming

and i may never open up the way i did for you

now i want to sell my house and set fire to all my clothes, and hire a priest to come and exorcise my demons, even if i die screaming, and i hope you hear it

and i hope its shitty, in the black dog

i still cant believe it, cause old habits die screaming

honey, i can tell when somebody still wants me, come clean

whether im gonna be your wife or, gonna smash up your bike

i hear the whispers in your eyes, ill make you wanna think twice, youll find, that you were never not mine, youre mine

flip the script and leave you like a dumb house party, or i might just love you til the end

whether im gonna flip you off or, pull you into the closet, i haven't decided yet i told my friends i hate you but i love you just the same, pick your poison, babe, im poison either way

a rose by any other name is a scandal

cross your thoughtless heart, only liquor anoints you

locked me up in towers, but id visit in your dreams, and they tried to warn you about me

and when that sky rains fire on you, and youre persona non grata, ill tell you how ive been there too, and that none of it matters

the devil that you know, looks now more like an angelso cross your thoughtless heart, shes the albatross, she is here to destroy you

your hologram stumbled into my apartment, hands in the hair of somebody in darkness named chloe or sam or sophia or marcus

as the decade would play us for fools

if you want to break my cold, cold heart, just say, "i loved you the way that you were", if you want to tear my world apart, just say you've always wondered

you said some things that i cant unabsorb, you turned me into an idea of sorts

i changed into goddesses, villains and fools, changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules

back to the moment i crashed into you, like so many wrecks do, too impaired by my youth, to know what to do

will that make your memory fade from this scarlet maroon

cause i wonder, will i always, will i always wonder?

and so a touch that was my birthright became foreign

the empathetic hunger descends

we learned the right steps to different dances

soon theyll go home to their husbands, smug cause they know they can trust him, then feverishly calling their cousins

guess who we ran into at the shops, walking in circles like she was lost, didnt you hear they called it all off

say it once again with feeling, how the death rattle breathing, silenced as the soul was leaving, the deflation of our dreaming, leaving me bereft and reeling, my beloved ghost and me, sitting in a tree, d-y-i-n-g

well tell no one except all of our friends, but i still dont know, how did it end?

i wanna find you in a crowd just to hide from you

tell me bout the first time you saw me

ill drink what you think, and im high, from smoking your jokes all damn night

your friends are around, so be quiet, im trying to stifle my sighs

are you gonna marry, kiss, or kill me? (kill me), its just a game, but really (really), im bettin on all three for us two (all three)

no ones ever had me (had me), not like you

truth, dare, spin bottles, you know how to ball, i know aristotle, brand new, full-throttle, touch me while your bros play grand theft auto, its true, swear, scouts honor, you knew what you wanted and boy, you got her, brand new, full-throttle, you already know, babe

do that impression you did of your dad again

im sinking, our fingers entwined, cheeks pink in the twinkling lights, cause i feel so high school (i feel so high school), every time i look at you, but look at you

if comfort is a construct, i dont believe in good luck, now that i know whats what

no mid-sized city hopes and small-town fears, im there most of the year cause i hate it here, i hate it here

everyone would look down cause it wasnt fun now, seems like it was, never even fun back then, nostalgia is a minds trick, if id been there, id hate it, it was freezing in the palace

i hate it here so i will go to lunar valleys in my mind

im lonely, but im good, im bitter, but i swear im fine, ill save all my romanticism for my inner life, and ill get lost on purpose, this place made me feel worthless, lucid dreams like electricity, the current flies through me, and in my fantasies, i rise above it, and way up there, i actually love it

quick, quick, tell me something awful, like you are a poet trapped inside the body of a finance guy

and it was always the same searing pain, but i dreamed that one day, i could say all that time you were throwing punches, i was building something

and it wasnt a fair fight, or a clean kill, each time that aimee stomped across my grave

screamed, "fuck you, aimee" to the night sky, as the blood was gushing, but i cant forget the way you made me heal everyone knows that my mother is a saintly woman, but she used to say she wished that you were dead wrote a thousand songs that you find uncool, i built a legacy that you cant undo

and so i changed your name and any real defining clues, and one day, your kid comes home singing, a song that only us two is gonna know is about you cause

screamed, "thank you, aimee" to the night sky, and the stars are stunning

i had died the tiniest death, i spied the catch in your breath, out, out, out, out, out, out

i look in peoples windows, in case youre at their table, what if your eyes looked up and met mine, one more time

what are the chances youd be downtown, downtown, downtown

im addicted to the if only

so i look in peoples windows, like im some deranged weirdo, i attend christmas parties from outside, i look in peoples windows, in case youre at their table, what if your eyes looked up and met mine one more time

hand on the throttle, thought i caught lightning in a bottle

pad around when i get home, i guess a lesser woman wouldve lost hope, a greater woman wouldnt beg, but i looked to the sky and said

please, ive been on my knees, change the prophecy, dont want money, just someone who wants my company, let it once be me, who do i have to speak to, about if they can redo the prophecy?

poison blood from the wound of the pricked hand, oh, still i dream of him

and i sound like an infant, feeling like the very last drops of an ink pen, a greater woman stays cool, but i howl like a wolf at the moon, and i look unstable but even statues crumble if theyre made to wait, im so afraid i sealed my fate, no sign of soulmates, im just a paperweight in shades of greige, spending my last coin so someone will tell me itll be okay

i was in my new house placing daydreams, patching up the crack along the wall

so they killed cassandra first, cause she feared the worst

i was in my tower weaving nightmares, twisting all my smiles into snarls

bloods thick but nothing like a payroll, bet they never spared a prayer for my soul, you can mark my words that i said it first, in a mourning warning no one heard

when the first stones thrown theres screaming, in the streets theres a raging riot, when its burn the bitch, theyre shrieking, when the truth comes out its quiet, its so quiet

forgive me peter, my lost fearless leader, in closets like cedar, preserved from when we were just kids, is it something i did?

are you still a mind reader?, a natural scene stealer, ive heard great things peter, but life was always easier on you, than it was on me

we both did the best we could do underneath the same moon, in different galaxies, and i didnt want to hang around, we said it was just goodbye for now

and i wont confess that i waited, but i let the lamp burn

cause loves never lost when perspective is earned

forgive me peter, please know that i tried, to hold onto the days when you were mine, but the woman who sits by the window has turned out the light

you said you were gonna grow up, then you were gonna come find me, you said you were gonna grow up

you said you were gonna grow up, then you were gonna come find me, said you were gonna grow up, then you were gonna come find me, said you were gonna grow up, then you were gonna come find me, words from the mouths of babes, promises oceans deep, but never to keep, never to keep

a curious child, ever reviled, by everyone except her own father

excellent fun til you get to know her, then she runs like its a race

"oh, we must stop meeting like this"

ended with the slam of a door, then hell call her a whore, wish he wouldnt be sore

but as she was leaving, it felt like breathing

all her fuckin lives, flashed before her eyes, it feels like the time, she fell through the ice, then came out alive

and at first blush, this is fate, when its all roses, portrait poses, central park lake in tiny rowboats, what a charming saturday!

and she just knows. she must bolt.

theres escape in escaping

ended with the slam of a door, but shes got the best stories, you can be sure, that as she was leaving. it felt like freedom.

out window panes talking utter nonsense, you have no idea

way to go, tiger, higher and higher, wilder and lighter, for you

long may you roar, at your dinosaurs, youre a just ruler, covered in mud, you look ridiculous, and you have no idea

buried down deep and out of your reach, the secret we all vowed, to keep it from you in sweetness

you got the dragonflies above your bed, you have a favorite spot on the swing set, you have no room in your dreams for regrets

now and then she rereads the manuscript, of the entire torrid affair

he said that if the sex was half as good as the conversation was soon theyd be pushin strollers, but soon it was over

she thought about how he said since she was so wise beyond her years, everything had been above board, she wasnt sure

and the years passed, like scenes of a show, the professor said to write what you know, lookin backwards might be the only way to move forward, then the actors were hitting their marks, and the slow dance was alight with the sparks, and the tears fell in synchronicity with the score, and at last, she knew what the agony had been for

now and then i reread the manuscript, but the story isnt mine anymore

[r3v0lver-0c3lot]

17 and 25 for ask game let's go

mgs ahh answers💀💀💀

anyway

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

Boss and tiny ocelot!!!!! And in general just boss and ocelot and sorrow family hangouts (not just where ocelot is small, it'll be cool if they spent time together in snake eater). i've seen some of these and they really remind me of my childhood and because ocelot and boss are russian it'll be cool if there was some fic or art about ocelot's (non-existent) childhood (but this is an au so it doesn't matter that it contradicts the canon idgaf) like how he went to school (bc i love memes about slavic school some funny shit is bound to happen there) and how during summer he went to the countryside w/ his family and they lived in a small cottage house (dacha, if you will) and they cooked pirozhki and borsch and whatever. i do love my country's culture (NOT THE POLITICS OBV AND ALL THAT CONSERVATIVE SHIT HELL NAW) and i LOVE the boss and ocelot's dynamic (also the boss reminds me of my mom) so seeing them in this kind of familial childhood settimg really resonates with me. i also HATE HATE HATE LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I HATE when russian aus are being reduced to adidas vodka drugs smoking depression gopnik internal homophobia type shit like stop making every character act like a drug addict alochoholic swine with no manners and or morals. so i think those type of aus where its russian summer and swimming in the river and playing in the field outside of the big cities or going to school and doing some whacky shit are much better to me at least. not just because they kick me in the ribs and bash my bones with nostalgia and bitter happiness of the time i never am going to come back to, but also because it doesn't transform my favourite characters into some carricature pieces of shit and actually shows a good side of my culture. ALSO. more ocelot speaking russian. i've seen fanart where he's a kid and he walks round with the boss and they see a cat and he point at it and says "Кошка!" (wich means cat!) and i legit cried bro not even joking give me stuff like this again

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

i am going to jeff the kill anyone who says oH rIsInG iSnT cAnOn It RuInEd RaIdEnS cHaRaCtEr WOMP WOMP YOU FUCKING CUNT🖕🖕🖕 oh really? why? because in mgs4 he decided to say with rose and LiTtLe JoHn?? do you fucking hear yourself? did you play the game with your eyes AND ears closed? did you turn off your console like you were told to in mgs 2? fission mailed. fucking listen. in mgs4 rose left raiden because he had ptsd flashbacls and was drinking and fighting in the streets and couldn't control himself. i mean she left him to trick the patriots but this doesn't undo all the problems with his mental state wich obviously will cause a problem in a relationship one way or the other. and then by the end of the game he's like nah id win and decides to say with rose and also he now has a child. fucking great. you're not a monster jack. well except for the fact that his ptsd and trauma and desire for violence (eben if its to protect someone, wich is exactly what he does in rising) does not magically disappear just because yall say it did. he decided to say with his family but nobody including raiden himself didn't do anything for him to heal so if it didn't work before why would it work now when nothing changed. wich is why rising exists in wich i think he was standing here and realised that it won't work and continued going along with his violent urges wich is sad but makes more sense for his character and also this time he uses his desire and power to protect children from being made into child soldiers like he once was. so yeah mgs4 raiden arc can fuck off and Rising is based as hell for shoving 4's ending in the ass and making a better arc for him

[veni-vidi-vici-ous]

[REDACTED]

lou reed im literally begging you on my bruised and bloody knees

for what? idk. i don’t even know what i would want from you. i don’t know what i would say.

it would depend on a lot of factors like if it was at a show or whatever it doesn’t matter

i have so many things i want to say but i don’t think id say any of them, they all would scatter like crows as you approach.

thats what happens anytime anyone says anything to me. my thoughts and opinions are as timid as a kitten, having been forced down my whole life in a vain attempt to not alienate anyone.

i don’t even know if i have opinions of my own or if i just stole them so long ago i’ve lost the origin and decided they must be my own. i dont mean anything because i have nothing to say

well, is this nothing? its not really anything but its definitely something. hahaha that sentence was nothing though.

but is there a core to what i’m saying? some central idea im just not smart enough to find? is there any meaning in these characters im typing that correspond to sounds?

is the meaning really there or did you imagine it?

will it change as the meanings of words change?

let me rephrase that:

will IT change, or will the changing of the meaning of words just change how its interpreted?

and does how people perceive it not factor in to the ‘it-ness’ of the thing?

for instance how i perceive myself is far different from how you on here perceive me, which is different from how my coworkers do, and my family, friends, and down on an individual level everyone sees everyone else in a completely different way, through the lens of them. all the events that made them up, and how they see the world factors into how they see you,

so which of these is the truest interpretation of a person? is it how they see themselves? or how someone who has known then since birth see them? is it their lover, who sees parts of them they might not even know about?

is it some amalgamation of all these things?

are we, as we see ourselves, a message trapped in a bottle? floating in the sea of how everyone else sees us. encased in how we present ourselves to the world?

that might be a bad metaphor ive been listening to the police (band)

but my point is………….

who are we and what do we want, and how do we know that?

to my friends from high school, assuming they still think about me, im a david bowie obsessed freak who plays skyrim 24/7, obsessively reads darth vader comics and is kinda shit at guitar

now i wouldn’t say im a new man, but i love lou reed, i dont play video games much anymore, im more artistic now in a writing sort of way when back then i was more into paints and oils and shit

anyway the main thing that’s different is my personality ig like the things i say how i interact with people whatever

im different in that way

i think anyway………..

i really don’t know

that should be my catch phrase

[tu-es-gegg]

14, 20, 31 !

qsmp ask game

14. Thoughts on Cucurucho and The Federation?

i think on the onset is the Fed itself doesnt seem all that scary at least to unfamilar new viewers. i think at first it definitely had that scare horror factor with that famous chainsaw hallway and how many times people got kidnapped. i think as time went on as people started to learn more abt the inner workings of the federation (from getting to knwo the actual workers like fred and walter bob, to the QSMP official streams, seeing all the goofs and gaffs of it all) it started losing its horror edge and characters openly mock it too. cucurucho too, liek these characters already been through hell and back that cucurucho and the federation are just lesser evils compared to stuff like purgatory eye guys

and that part to me is the scarier or at least on equal to the horror vibes it had before because that means people have just gotten comfortable with an oppressive force. the Feds are well... the feds, they enforce the rule of perfection and stability, they only care about presenting a perfect image and they dont really care about what they have to do to obtain it, so long as the veil of perfection is presented that is all they desire. no matter how much damage to children or islanders is done, they must achieve perfection; for what purpose we don't know.

i think a lot of people sweep under the rug the horrific stuff the feds do because its only looking at the very human and feeling workers. but workers do not represent the feelings and actual desires of the higher ups, we've seen what higher ranking federation workers do to dissents that decide not to work along with their assigned roles with walter bob. and we can see that some even higher ranking workers like elena are affected adn sometimes dont even know some things because of their manipulations.

the feds work with obscuring truths, lies and gaslights (yes im using this word correctly, they actively try to make present faults on the islanders instead of taking accountability for themselves), make themselve the better person, they trap birds in cages and when teh birds beg for freedom, they show them a polluted city and say "are you sure?", the bird says they'll stay and so the feds cut their wings. its less scary in that abject of horror of "what the fuck are they?" and more scary in the sense they are cruel.

i do wish we had more human experimentation, liek we cant jsut have qq be the ONLY one thats jsut unfair.

20. Name an event you’d like to see in the future

in terms of culturall events lmao i dont have much, i kinda hoped they did lunar new year earlier, i love lunar new year (IT WAS SO PERFECT THIS YEAR TOO, YEAR OF THE DRAGON HELLO), id like them do some sort of german holiday, Oktoberfest is a great one

likelihood of them doing something liek a nod to ramadhan and aidilfitri is low, maybe one day idk, they should do a whole day of night market GOD I FUCKING LOVE NIGHT MARKET

in terms of lore events PLEASE I WANT ANOTHER FEDERATION BREAK IN, OR AT LEAST SOMETHING SIMILAR, i know that kinda stuff is so fuckin hectic esp when you have the collective half of the server, but like i love that kinda

or maybe some sort of minigames sports day with cash prizes where they jsut play server minigames made by the players, like someone can make spleef or hunger games, they just hire badboyhalo to make a find the button and everyone collectively kills him.

31. What lore/arc have you enjoyed the most?

QSLIME CODEFLIPPA ARC PLEASE I NEED THIS CONCLUDED, im already a qslime sucker, i liek his cahracter and how he's played, this idea was already been a concept for other qslime fans when it was discovered the codes could disguise as eggs jsut because of how perfect it is. I think out of most people, he was one of the most succeptible to being manipluted because out of all the islanders, he was one of teh most desperate. someone like quackity or maxo would sniff it out immediately, by virtue of them finally reaching their acceptance. qjaiden to some extent also had acceptance, though BARELY just a hair, though her likelihood of being targeted would be thwarted by cucurucho and the feds if they ever found that fake bobby, also roier would just insta kill code bobby if he stuck around. qslime however, shown oveer time and time again very publicly he would never get over flippa. AND BY GOD HE WASNT.

i also was like dying to find out mroe about the nature of the codes themselves, not jsut as killing egg machines, liek seen with etoiles they were only seen as fighters, battlers, entites only served to be one-note killers. so when codeflippa came around everyone was immedietely in for a wild fuckign ride, it got even wilder by the end of the 3rd flippa hangout stream (tubbhole stream i call it) with flippa remembering something federation related and seemingly spouting honest endearment to qslime and GOD godd QSLIME AND HIS BEING A BEING A FATHER;;; like he is so self sacrificial to point it even hurts people around him jsut for the sake of making sure is daugther is the best and recieves the best, like;;; gah its jsut a perfect arc as a testament to what qslime is down toa core, a guy trapped in a cycle of grief and drowning in it over adn over, too blinded in denial and begging on his knees to have someone good ofr once in his life. when people want to know what qslime is i jsut point them to this arc in general. its executed so well thanks to charlie slimecicle and also codeflippa's admin (they do god's work being so patient by how many times charlie straight up just lets her go free) my only wish is that PLEAE COME BACK CODEFLIPPA I MISS YOU.

AND ALSO QBBH DYING, i think bbh bloggers can word that section better than me but holy shit the arc of him dying which went on so fucking agonisingly long, the wait for a shoe to drop and when it finally does, GOD ITS A WRECK, he's so interconnected with EVERYONE on the island simply by jsut being their babysitter, yet his death is so quiet, the news pouring out slowly and surely, and the fact only select few people were actually concerned in his process of dying, its a strange reflection of a very reoccuring themse of hidden sides and secret lives that mainly is a product of how streamed mcrp works, mainly for this style that the QSMP has, qbad's death was so satisfying beacuse it was the ending of an agonising wait, of questions being answers and new ones popping up, i could go on other stuff i cant fit in also cellbit's little federation detective adventures, that whole reveal where he is confirmed to be a fed employee and can never truly escape from their grasp was so fuckign good, the consequence of by all accounts selling his soul to cucurucho and the federation comign back to bite him OHHhhhhhhhhh that whole saga is so fuckign good. also the egg lore and developments like god sunny's whole drama with leo and also tallulah, the perfect representation of things little girls go through in life, litterally roier rat sage what the fuck (i dont know why doied exists but like ratoier is fuckign funny), FITMC AND AMDAGIO OHHHH BOY, i willcatch him with my bare hands, finally the answer after finding out he knew he ahd a reason to come ot he island oughghghh philza ender king lore ive been enjoying too i will catch that man too, etoiles and code interactions is also real fujckign good.

I think the main thing i like in lore is little things having big consequences, and the execution naturally blowing up, the thing i appreciate most is paying attention to all teh little memories and slights from before, and havign the comeuppance. some arcs i do appreciate, like bagi's search for her brother (the scene with her and cellbit mua chef kiss), litterally tazercraft getting arrested adn that whole saga, antoine daniel, whatevber the hell is ayrobot but i think what makes me not come back to those that often is mainly because... well i dont think theres a satisfying answer to them. not a conclusion or ending but more like, why did these happen? what sort of thing happens becausse of this? some arcs dont seem to lead into anywhere, and its not like filler episodes , its not jsut extra stuff to flesh out characters because they are actual stakes at hand with these arcs like there should be MORE consequences because of these things, stuff should be affected but instead are just little spice to these character and thus,, some jsut miss out on the depth they couldve had. its nto a diss to anyone, i jsut wish some arcs had more time to bake or be reworked to at least have a significant effect instead, they jsut kinda end up in my mid pile.

[goremet-chef]

vent/rant

its so fucking ABSURD man. "whats with the attitude?" you want me to kill the mood even more? want me to say im depressed cuz my cat is dead and i didnt even realize that on the 21st, that would be the last time id ever see her again? is that what you fucking want?

its so NON EXISTANT to EVERYONE, it means fucking nothing to them!!! how could you care so little, just because we didnt live with her? she was the last remnant of my home. a home free of yelling and violence and blood, home where my friends live, home where i was safe and now shes gone, she was the last one. i thought i had longer with her, at least with riley i got to say goodbye properly

the same thing happened with domino, when i was younger. i felt so betrayed that they didnt even let me say bye to him, i feel a similar anger now.. but i live 2 hours away, there was no convenient way for them to let me do that. i think just..

the SUDDENNESS of the decision is what breaks my heart. she didnt know she wasnt gonna wake up ever again, she probably had no idea what was happening and its. its not like i wanted to see her die, the same way we watched riley get worse until we realized there was no saving him and he wasnt gonna get better, but.. was there really nothing we couldve done? nothing at all? was euthanasia the ONLY course of action? maybe we could have saved her, but its too late now. it doesnt matter anymore

im still kind of in denial, honestly.. it doesnt feel real. some part of me thinks it was a sick joke from my sibling. i know its not, i know its real, but with how everyones acting like it didnt happen at all, you couldnt blame me for feeling that way. part of me really hopes it was a joke but. i know if i ask ill just get confirmation that it wasnt

i wish i was there at least. that way i wouldnt be stuck in this limbo of thinking its not real. i know when riley was put down, id still go to my grandmas room and go to the living room at night somewhat hoping that he'd be there when i looked, but of course he never was. one time i was zoned out and i subconsciously reached over to pet him and feeling time stop when i froze and saw i was reaching for nothing, it hurt so fucking bad, it still hurts so fucking bad man. looking up and seeing the little box he was inside, it fucking sucks i hate this so much

i wish i was there, because at least my grandma gets it. those were her cats, have been for years. she always played it off like they werent because technically artemis and riley were OUR cats, but my mom lost her home and my grandma took us in when i was like.. 8 or 9. and she decided to go back and get them for us. im so grateful she did, because they wouldnt have lived as long as they had out there.

she gets it, because she loved them too. my mom didnt love them. my brother didnt love them. my older sister literally just completely abandoned and probably forgot about riley, who was HER cat. i remember he used to attack my feet from under the bed, when i was a little kid. the only one who came close to loving them like how we do was my oldest sibling, and even still he doesnt seem sad about it at all. like i know hes sad cuz he loved her but he rarely ever saw her, it was more like a passing claim of "oh, thats my cat", yknow?

my grandma gets it. i know she knows its really hard for me. it was so hard when domino was gone. when riley was sick, she tried to be lighthearted about it and even when i saw him for the last time, and we were both crying, she told me to say bye to him in kind of a goofy voice. i know she doesnt want to see me hurting like that, and it was kind of dreadful at the time, but im really glad she let me say goodbye to him, because it was a goodbye i meant. it wasnt "goodbye, see you later", it was the real one and i didnt get to give that to arty. i just said bye like normal, because i thought shed be okay! i thought whatever was wrong with her, we could fix. i cant believe it was so cut and dry

and i cant stand it here, they dont have and kind of sympathy, i think my mom doesnt even KNOW that i know. which means she just didnt plan on telling me at all. even my sibling was confused as to why she wouldnt have. its like they cant fathom why id be sad for more than a day or two, but i loved her! i fucking loved her, i loved all of them

i dont believe in the afterlife, but part of me wants to believe that they can at least know how much i miss them, how much i love them. its the only sort of comfort i have, even if i dont really believe it. i hope they can hear me cry and they know that its because i love them so fucking much and i want to see them again

it doesnt help that, exactly like when riley was put to sleep, im having dreams about her. dreams where shes dead, but im hallucinating her and i can see her again and im petting her and its so real.. shes there in my head and everyone around me tells me "its not real" but i dont even care! i dont care if its not real, because seeing her is enough. arty, i love you so much girl, im so fucking sorry we couldnt do anything. im sorry to riley too, and domino, and talcum. im sorry marceline, im sorry ellie. i know its not my fault, there was really just nothing we could do, but man i wish that wasnt true

they lived their whole lives with us, which is why its so crazy to me that most of my family doesnt really care. no one is gonna remember them, so ill drown myself in the grief just to honor their memory, because they deserve to be cried over. they deserve to be missed, to have someone who loves them after everything. their loss should be mourned, how could i think back on their whole lives and do anything but? i know people say "oh, remember the good times! they wouldnt want you to be sad" but the good times are gone. crying affirms the fact that i loved them and ill keep loving them until im dead too, because they deserve that

[abimee]

i know absolutely NOTHING about ffxiv gameplay but ur posts and tock tutti are singlehandedly gonna make me play it. the urge to make a little guy is too strong

im talking directly into your ear. if you download FFXIV i will play this game with you. if you download it and play on exodus primal i will follow you around in your little guy endeveaors. you can come join our discord server of people messing around in content with each other.

join us in making a little guy. i know people say it all the time that FF14 has a free trial up to the end of first expansion of the game (lvl 60 heavensward) so you wont have to pay for SHIT until youre very decently well into the story proper, and though it restricts you on things like trade and marketboard you really dont need to be on either of those and doing things like scouring for glams/buying expensive items until youre positive you wanna invest your time.

though definitely be aware that FF14 has issues like a poor handling of certain subject matter ranging across the board. especially when it starts to get into the politics of imperialism, just some up front and in your face racism and especially some really bad colorism with its villains and how it either lightens the skin of its main character Yshtola or entirely disregards a main characters darker skin parents to make them paper white. theres also some insane plot lines you get involved in, from a character literally saying out loud ''rich people giving money to poor people is just pity and poor people dont want pity, we just need to give them jobs and theyll stop being poor" to a side questline that had ''man in dress'' jokes at the very start of it, to a plotline involving on screen child abuse and torture that had no reason to be shown.

Its always good to do a bit of research into FF14 and like maybe watch a video or two about how the mechanics work to see if its handling and style is right for you, because ik a lot of people tend to fall off for one of two reasons --- they either go in way too hot and immediately buy a sub and try to barrel through content only to be burned out wirth just How Much the actual gameplay can be, or people who try to play ff14 entirely solo and get badly bored not playing it with others

but if you hear all of this and still wanna check it out, id say ff14 is a pretty good video game and i especially love some of the richer writing and characters that come out of the game, and the music by masayoshi soken (and others!) is probably my #1 favorite video hame soundtrack in all of my life. And again id be happy to play with you and help you out if you decide to pick it up, we can be little guys together

[slytherinshua]

seongje definitely added more depth to the drama, i feel like if he weren’t in it and it was only baekjin as a villain it wouldn’t have been that entertaining. just like you said he put himself first, to him it didn’t really matter who’s side he was on as long as it served him. for everyone else it was life and death situation, but to seongje it was just a game, and as long as he won he didn’t care who he hurt along the way. i kinda like that about him, it was refreshing to see a character like him. thank you so much for the recommendations<33 i’ll make sure to check them out. and while i’m at it i might read some of their other fics too 👀

i occasionally like to read angst too, but it feels so empty without some fluff, hurt/comfort is my fav, i love love love feeling all the emotions especially when they are written so well. hahaha i see writing fluff is the way you cope with what the world throws at you.

i honestly don’t know much about pianos, or any other instruments, i have always wanted to play the piano tho. it always fascinated me, it’s such a beautiful instrument. both the grand and upright piano has their charm, but if you already decided you want an upright then the one you looked at yesterday did not stand a chance😂 you’ll know when you found the one, don’t give up and keep looking <3

-🫶 anon

yes like genuinely seongje was needed in season 2 to add some of the spice that baekjin couldn't. baekjin's whole villain arc is so heartbreaking and he's just so drowned in depression and hurt that the season needed another antagonist like seongje who was really there for fun, and there to find entertainment out of the fights and the drama. he gets a kick out of being in power like that.

yes pls read their other fics as well theyre all such amazing writers!!!!! im the biggest promoter of all my moots truly <333 YESS I TOTALLY GET YOU those fics where they have it all, the angst, the comfort, the fluff, the emotions, i love it when its completely weaved together perfectly and you come out of it life changed. i have a lot of fics recs like that depending on what kpop groups you stan/read for as well !!

piano is so fun and i am so happy and grateful to have been playing it basically my entire life. honestly the decision between upright vs grand is really hard. i definitely have the space for a grand in my house hypothetically but.... it would be tight. whereas the upright i have rn fits perfectly in the living room and complements the whole space really nicely. a lot of ppl say that once you reach a certain top level of piano you kind of grow out of an upright and need a grand?? but i haven't really experienced that my upright (even tho it literally has a cracked soundboard) has been holding me back much. i would love to own a grand at some point in my life, but realistically i probably wont be living in the same house as my parents for too many more years, and its not like im gonna be able to take a piano with me wherever i move to 😭😭 so im also taking THAT into consideration. an upright just feels more manageable and the right decision so its probably what ill be going with. its really hard to find the right piano that is in my budget and also has all the things im looking for. so many pianos can go for upwards of 6-7k and id really like to keep it below 5k for a new one :') buying a used piano is kinda like buying a used car and ill def need second opinions before deciding on anything as well. so yeah the process has just been a HASSLE rly and ive wanted to replace my piano for about 4 years now so its long overdue too :( ITLL BE WORTH IT IN THE END THO IM SURE!! (ps im always a big advocate for starting to learn instruments at whatever stage of life and whenever you want to. ik its not always feasible or easy, but it is so beneficial and so worth it if you stick with it!!! even just teaching yourself how to read music or learning chords on an electric keyboard or something like that is already such a big step + being able to play your favourite pieces is a joy that can't easily be replicated elsewhere <33 so id say if you really want to learn piano then go for it!!!)

[privmu]

BRODY ELIAS WESTON

AGE: 35

BIRTHDAY: December 14th, 1988

RELATION: Full sibling

TYPE: Solo

GENDER: Cisman

PRONOUNS: he/him

ORIENTATION(S): Homosexual (closeted)

FACE CLAIM: Chris Hemsworth

JOB/SCHOOL

JOB: Firefighter EMT, part time Paramedic Studies professor

ALUMNI?: No

ABOUT

Brody Weston was a shy kid. At first, it was simply written off as a symptom of moving around with his mother so much, never settling down long enough to establish long term friendships, but still he was more introverted than most. His father seemed to think it was due to a lack of masculine influence in his life, and so told Molly that Brody would be coming to live with him in the States from now on. In hindsight, Brody doesn’t understand how separating him from his siblings (arguably the only friends he actually had) was supposed to help him, but there was nothing he could do to change that now.

Spending all of his time with Jude meant that Brody spent a lot of time on movie sets, fascinated by the inner workings of the film industry and by the acclaim and respect his father commanded, and soon he caught the acting bug himself. But it wasn’t his father’s action movies that caught his attention and his heart, it was musicals, it was rom-coms, comedies, anything softer than the harsh and brash explosions and stunts of an action star like Jude. It wasn’t that he didn’t admire his work, didn’t look up to him, they just weren’t the kind of projects that appealed to Brody.

His father was less than happy with where his attentions were heading though, and after seeing his son lead a school production of Oliver in the second grade, he quickly shut down his aspirations to follow in his footsteps, not if he was going to do it this way. Instead Brody was pushed into football, hockey, basketball, boxing, anything his Jude considered “manly” Brody had to pursue. He became a jock, he wasn’t allowed to do anything that wasn’t going to make him a man, or help him with the ladies (which is the only reason that he was allowed to play the guitar), and instead of becoming himself, Brody became the image that his father wanted to see.

Jude’s gambling problem reared its ugly head in the tenth grade when Brody was barely sixteen. While not they didn’t have the closest relationship, Brody hated seeing his father struggling and decided to try and get a job to at least stop him spending all their grocery and bill money, he could spend the money Brody earnt instead. While he’d tried to get a regular teen job like slinging fast food or busing tables but his father forbid it: no son of Jude Weston would be see working a remedial job. But Brody found a way to make money that he would never know about, a way of making money he wasn’t proud of; a super discreet but less than scrupulous escort company that didn’t blink twice at Brody’s fake ID that said he was twenty one and named “Lucas” and put him to work immediately.

At first, Brody thought he’d love this job, what sixteen year old boy didn’t get excited about the prospect of sex, but soon, he felt… dirty almost, sex became a very transactional thing, but he was in demand and that ensured that no matter how bad Jude’s gambling got they would never end up going under, and that meant that the press wouldn’t find out. He’d intended to give it up once he graduated, to go to college and into an acting career, but with Jude still gambling, Brody felt an obligation to keep them afloat.

It also meant getting creative with his lies, telling his friends and family that he was just tutoring, that they were paying extraordinary amounts for him to do so, anything to make sure that no-one found out what he was really doing to make money. He hated leading a double life, hated lying to his family, even his dad, and honestly? He was starting to hate sex. It was all just mechanical to him, something he had to do in order to get paid, never convinced that anyone was actually attracted to him, they simply just didn’t want to be lonely. While Brody’s clients had been exclusively women up until this point, he got wind of a man that had requested his services, offering twice his normal rate. He was in deep at this point, and while he had finally convinced Jude to go to a Gambler’s Anonymous there was still a mountain of credit card debt to clear.

Except, his appointment with Milo was different. I started in the way he treated him, not as an object, as something to be purchased, but as a human being that had his own thoughts, desires and needs. He had kissed him softly, gently removed his clothes, but before that he had sat down, had talked to him, asked him about his life. If it hadn’t been for the envelope of cash discreetly slid into his coat pocket when Milo had taken it from him on his arrival, Brody might have called it the best date of his life. He wasn’t ready to accept the truth yet, instead insisting to himself that it was simply just because he had felt human for a change, but it had left him with a lot of questions.

However, Jude seemed to sense something with his son, something different about him despite the fact that Brody never said a word, but did set up a suspiciously timed date with an old friend of his. Cassandra July was a tour de force of the stage that Brody had admired for a long time (as an actress rather than a human being though admittedly, her very public breakdown was hardly a secret), so when she had sat across from him at the restaurant and immediately started a conversation, he had been a little starstruck. That, added to the fact he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had sex just because rather than for money, and the alcohol in his system, and Brody made a less than stellar decision to let her take him home.

Fun it was not though, not in the way that Brody was excepting anyway. Cassandra was hot, no denying that, but even though there was not a dollar in sight, their hookup still felt mechanical. He knew that night, as he lay next to Cassandra, that the reason things with Milo had felt so different was because he was gay. It was something of an earth altering realisation for him, but nothing he supposed he couldn’t handle. After all, it wasn’t like he would be the first actor in the world to be gay. But what he had seen as a simple one-night stand, something that would eventually fade into obscurity, turned into the beginning of a nightmare. The minute he stepped out of Cassandra July’s doors, Brody was hounded by paparazzi, all of them ready to get the scoop on her latest conquest, on the barely twenty year old slinking his way out of her house to make the walk of shame home.

For months, Brody couldn’t go anywhere without being flocked by the press, his face and name were splashed across the tabloids, the little reputation he’d managed to build for himself dragged through the mud. To make matters worse, his father was acting like it was the best thing that could have happened to him, that the whole world now knew what a man he was, that he was a stud and a ladies’ man, that women would be banging down his door now. But that wasn’t what Brody wanted, and as his father was telling him what a man he was and patting him on the back, he knew that he could never tell him he was gay. Besides, how could he even be sure? Maybe Cassandra was just a really bad lay, maybe she just wasn’t the right woman for him, he just had to find the right woman.

But he couldn’t take all of this attention and pariah status anymore, and so Brody, with his head hung and his tail between his legs, became a Ranger, and while being away from his family and friends like this was a little tough, he took comfort in the fact that they were proud of him, of the fact that for the first time in his life his father was actually proud of the decision he’s made for his own life. His first tour of duty was largely uneventful, but towards the end of his second Brody’s company hit an IED in their vehicle and the aftermath was disastrous. Brody lost all but one of the members of his team, took a huge blast and chunk of shrapnel to his left side that sliced through his Kevlar vest like a hot knife through butter, and left him with some pretty gnarly scars. But his injuries were the least of his concern in the moment as he crawled across the sand towards where his friend lay bleeding out, his leg blown clean off, knowing that if he didn’t act quickly he’d lose a hell of a lot more than a limb. Brody managed to fashion a torniquet and did indeed save his friends life, returning home as a hero even if he didn’t feel like it.

He accepted an honourable discharge after six months of recovery and intense physio, having no desire to put himself in the line of fire like that again. He wanted a quieter life for a little while, or at least lower stress, and while it was nice to be home again, he still didn’t really want to be anywhere near his dad. The two never really spoke much anymore, not beyond birthdays and holidays, and that suited Brody just fine. After feeling a little listless and lacking in direction now that he was home, Brody decided to take up an army buddies offer to stay with him for a while in Connecticut. It was far removed from the high stress environment of a warzone, practically suburbia, and while initially bored, Brody found himself landing a job as a 911 dispatcher. It was initially supposed to just be a placeholder job, something for him to do while he figured out what he wanted to do next, it turned out that it was actually something he was quite interested in and passionate about.

He still felt uneasy though, and while he knew some of that was the PTSD he was starting to acknowledge and get help with, it was also partly down to the fact that sitting back and letting someone else do the rescuing didn’t sit right with him. So, he enrolled in the fire academy and took a paramedic course, becoming a firefighter EMT in the space of eighteen months. It was the nearest he came to his army days, and Brody found there was a similar comradery in being a firefighter as there was in being a soldier.

It was on his first run as a fully qualified firefighter EMT that Brody finds himself at the residence of a young woman who was not, in fact, trapped in a burning building or seriously hurt, but is instead a flustered and irritated woman who burnt her toast and couldn’t reach the smoke alarm to silence it. The woman was one Penny Sylvester, and before he left her home he made sure that he gave her his number just in case there was anything else that she couldn’t reach and needed a hand with. They started seeing each other almost immediately, and Brody found that not only was Penny objectively incredibly attractive, she was also sweet and funny, and seemed to understand him in a way that no-one else had ever seemed to no matter how hard they tried. She wasn’t just his girlfriend, she was his best friend too, and maybe that was why he proposed to her in less than a year. They were happy, blissfully so, Brody finding himself with everything that he’d ever wanted: a job that he loved and was passionate about, a wife that he adored, and the promise of a bright and wonderful future in front of him where he’d do everything that he could to be a better partner (and hopefully one day, parent) than his mother ever had been.

Moving to LA with his wife wasn’t the easiest decision, he loved his company in Connecticut, but knowing he’d be back around his family again helped the transition, as did living with his best friend. Brody settled in easily in his new firehouse, but rather than spend a hundred percent of his time out in the field (mostly in attempt to ease Penny’s anxiety over his job) he decided that teaching Fire Science and Paramedic Studies at PSU would be a great way of giving back to the community and inspiring the next generation of firefighters. But it was in LA that cracks started to show in his relationship with Penny.

You see, Brody had been pushing down a lot of emotions and feelings for a very long time now. He couldn’t put his finger on it for the longest time but there was something… off about their marriage, in the way he felt around Penny. Sure, perhaps the biggest bone of contention between him and Penny was the fact that he really wanted to be a dad, prove that he could it far better than Jude and then some, while she seemed to not have any interest in being a mom, but there was almost something about being with her that felt… wrong. Like he was lying to her, to himself every time he kissed her cheek or told her that she was the hottest woman he’d ever met. Penny was objectively incredibly attractive and sexy, and yet Brody didn’t feel that way about her anymore… not that he’d ever admit that out loud. Because Penny was the right woman for him, on paper she was perfect for him, so all these weird feelings that he was having were nothing. They’d be fine.

Still, life in LA wasn’t that bad, and Penny had placated his paternal urges by letting him get their beagle Zoe, so things were pretty good right now. Brody took up baking, still plays guitar, he surfs and plays volleyball, unable to admit that he fills his time with activities and chores to make sure he doesn’t stop long enough to think in any great amount of detail about how messed up his marriage has become. After all, he’s a man, he’s the one that’s supposed to be leading by example and showing his father that he can be everything he’d expected of him, and the right way to do that was a wife, 2.5 kids, a dog, and a picket fence. Anything less than that would be letting all of them down and proving Jude right when he said that he would never be man enough or worthy of calling himself a Weston.

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India vs Bangladesh highlights, 1st Test Day 4: IND beat BAN by 280 runs.

Highlights of the first Test Day 4 between India and Bangladesh: India won the two-match Test series 1-0 after beating Bangladesh by 280 runs.

Highlights of today's Day 4 Test match between India and Bangladesh: After going without a wicket in the first innings, Ashwin finished with 88 for 6. With lots of help from Ravindra Jadeja (3/58). Jadeja now has 299 wickets in Test matches.

After being bowled out on Day 1 by Bangladesh to 144 for 6, India made a great recovery. India's problems were solved by the bowling combination of Ashwin and Jadeja, who put up a 199-run partnership for the seventh wicket.

India defeated Bangladesh for 149 runs in one and a half sessions, led by Jasprit Bumrah. Shubman Gill and Rishabh Pant teamed for 167 runs for the fourth wicket on Day 3 to put India ahead of the race. However, India decided not to use the follow-on. Pant scored 100 runs off 124 balls, hitting four sixes and thirteen fours. After scoring his fifth century in 161 balls, Gill stayed without losing.

Day 4: Shakib Al Hasan and Najmul Shanto, the captains of Bangladesh's overnight batters, pushed themselves well to deal with Jasprit Bumrah and Mohammed Siraj's first burst. But things changed immediately after the drinks break when Ashwin was introduced. 

With three more wickets from Jadeja and his 37th five-wicket take from Ashwin, Bangladesh's batting ended quickly. Najmul received a poor 82.

Starting on September 27, the second Test of the two-match series will take place in Kanpur.

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