#its how we all bonded too
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not to be a loser on main but i miss getting together with my friends and playing magic the gathering
#i might delete later idk#imma rant sorry lol#this is also just mostly for me to get my feelings out#it was one of my favourite ways to spend nights with friends#its how we all bonded too#we would all get together and play for hours over a few drinks and just chatting#when youre an adult life usually gets pretty busy but at least once every two weeks we would get together and play#its a shame i was forced to move so far and i can no longer see them but it was for the best#i sound like a loser but its just one of my favourite things#and its sad when you can no longer do something you once loved#sorry for the suck fest ive just been feeling a little downhearted lately#slaasher speaks
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To be honest I am a huge Nalu shipper. But the thing is I want to know the difference between the way Natsu cares about his guildmates and Lucy. Like what is the obvious difference since that boy sees every as Nakama so how can we say that the wag he cares about Lucy is different?
Like even when Erza passed away? (All the way back in first season there was a segment where the guild was gathered at her grave and all) Natsu was still very reactive. Plus he was also said to be depressed even when Lisanna passed.
What's the difference between all of them and Lucy?
the fact that he stayed. the fact that before he met Lucy, Natsu wasn't one to stay in a group or even want to work with anyone besides Happy at the start of the story. hell, he was ready to just file Lucy down as "New Guildmate" once they reached Fairy Tail
but then, Lucy doesn't leave. she follows him on his mission to save Macao despite her not needing to or even really understanding everything about it. she stays and then fights with him and saves him. it's no secret that Natsu is strong and can take care of himself really well. he's been going on solo missions for years now, and no one has really stopped him, but that means he's been in a lot of sticky situations where he and Happy are on their own and have no backup. and yet, without asking, Lucy offers it
and i think this is the moment when Natsu considers that maybe it's okay to have someone there to have his back (sans Happy)
"but Natsu only needed Lucy for the next quest because of the requirements," well, Natsu also wouldn't have taken or even considered that quest if it weren't for Lucy, yeah? he was not a team player (in the picking job's sense) or really wanted other people to help him on his quests sans Happy. and then he goes and picks a job that caters to their team whilst ensuring that Lucy can't say no
or maybe i'm reading too much into it 🤷🏻♀️
or maybe Natsu's got horrible abandonment issues that he will latch onto people so fast (Igneel & Lisanna) but also cause him to distance himself so far when left behind (his 1st time at the guild, Lisanna's death). Erza and Gray are Natsu's closet friends after Lisanna and yet they cannot reach him when he closes himself off. and then we have Lucy, who stuck by and had his back, so who is to say Natsu didn't make some contingencies to ensure whether or not she'd join him?
but maybe it's the rose, colored ship glasses i have on
because yeah, Natsu cares for all of his guildmates. the power of friendship is his biggest motivator. when we meet Natsu, our first introductions of him is defending his guild's reputation from Bora (who was using it as a guise for human trafficking) and saving Macao. and our 1st big arc (Galuna Island), where Natsu adamantly refuses to allow Gray to use Ice Shell and sacrifice himself despite how antagonistic they've been to each other. we get Natsu 100% at Erza's defense throughout the Tower of Heaven and he is even ready to defend Wendy though they only met hours ago
Natsu is a character with a bleeding heart and cannot help but wear it on his sleeve, but we don't really see him allow others to fight his battles or have his back until Lucy comes in. to be honest, i don't even think he had his heart on his sleeve until Lucy. he still has a bleeding heart (i don't think anything could stop that), but he was not ready to be open in receiving company because he was so used to it being ripped away from him
that being said: of all the characters he interacts with, he finds Lucy to be someone compatible enough for him to start going on team missions and inviting her on them (for example, his 1st S-class mission, which he stole, he went to her house to show it to her. the fact that part of the reward was a celestial key might be a coincidence, but i wouldn't doubt it as Natsu and Happy's trump card in case she refused)
but yeah, the difference is that he stayed and didn't push her away at the beginning, but instead continued to invite her along with him to the point that doing a mission without Lucy wasn't his regular anymore. compared to the rest of the guild, of whom he spent most of his childhood with, even if he spoke to no one, they would still be around and talk to him anyway. he might not invite them on job and only challenge them to fights, but the guild is his home and a constant in his life, a constant he needs (bc heavy abandonment issues).
"okay, but he still pushed her away after he watched Igneel die right in front of him. and he left the guild for a whole year, too. so what's the difference there?" you may ask.
so 1) Natsu never thought the guild would disband. he returns to Fiore after a year and is the last to know that they disbanded. he assumed, like all the other times before and while he and others were sealed for 7 years, that Fairy Tail would still be there when he returned. he assumed that his disappearance would not impact so hard because the guild would still be around and Lucy would have the others with her
which, did not happen :)
and like, so many guild members go off on jobs, quests, or even just leave for an indiscriminate amount of time (which i, personally, believe was his rationality for leaving), so him being gone for a year was nothing! right? no harm, eh? his plan was never to be gone forever :))))
2) he just watched his father die and lose any chance of having some semblance of a long term reunion with Igneel. he literally lost one of his main driving motivations for getting stronger and taking jobs. before Fairy Tail, before anyone, it was Igneel. and to learn that a) Igneel was always with him to begin with and b) he only got to see him for less than a day after 14 years of nothing......i would feel lost too ngl
man's needed space from everybody. and he also needed comfort, but Natsu has been shown not to really be the character who asks to receive comfort (and when he does receive it, it's usually when he's already emotionally compromised). he is in the habit of shutting people out after being abandoned or losing someone close to him, with his next rationale being to "get stronger" in order to prevent what happened in the past to ever happen in the future.
anyway
what makes this different? well for one, he sent the letter only to Lucy (or it's implied since no one else is shown getting one) because of how the two spend most of their time together. even the line that goes with the panel makes it sound like Natsu is unsure on how the note will be received (maybe even hesitant? but that could be my own hopes)
and one of the 1st people he reunites with after a year is Lucy and we get such a similar parallel to the first chapter of Fairy Tail between the two as if the narrative itself is slotting them together to say "ah yes, now everything is back to normal and new journeys can begin"
but yeah, this is just a long way of saying, that Natsu does love his friends and guildmates but even when he is close to them, he kept to himself (and Happy) and sort of stayed in their orbit but always with some emotional distance because of his fear of abandonment. and then you have Lucy where he will stay for and allow her to orbit around him and he will invite to new adventures no questions asked
that's the difference
#this is 100% unrelated but reading the older chapters had me realize how Cana's hair is a lot curlier than in the anime#my girlie's waves got straightened T^T and they were so gorgeous too#also love the translator's notes at the end of each volume <3#fill me with so much joy and why they chose to go in what direction for each translation#this post is longer than i thought oops#like i was gonna leave it at 'bc Natsu stayed for her' and then be done#but no i can't just leave it there and not back it up#also me saying Natsu stayed for Lucy is not me trying to undermine his other relationships in the guild#Natsu's bonds with Fairy Tail are the very core of this story so to say that he loved any of his guildmates less would not be right#his love for Lucy is different#it started the same but shifted as the arcs progressed#his priorities with her are different than they are with his friends and guildmates despite being on a fairly even level#fun fact! i started writing this 6 hours ago. had class. got distracted w/ old ft plot while searching for manga panels. and now we're here#btw: this is not excusing Natsu's act of leaving without so much of a warning. this is just explaining his personal rationale and emotions.#ofc Lucy was right to feel upset and betrayed for being left behind by Natsu and then to be alone bc the guild disbanded. i would too!#but we aren't talking about that. we're talking about what makes Natsu's feelings for Lucy different from the rest of the guild#also sorry i got a little lazy with the manga panels after the first couple T^T and mayhaps distracted (rereading Igneel's death is sO fun!#fairy tail#natsu dragneel#nalu#fairy tail nalu#ft meta#also like how natsu loves is very open and through action#no matter whether its familial or platonic or romantic#how he shows it is the same fierce protectiveness and attentiveness#personally i see natsu's love being in equal fervor for all. none really trump over the other. they're just different
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clarazz are so strong if i was (vaguely in love with and) slightly possessive of my best friend and the whole world was obsessed with him (like i was) id crash out 😭
#m!ik#ameri chima vine shiida mephisto? whos next henri?#not to mention eiko purson and lied 😭 (who really i mention specifically bc they apparently kin him which is soo funny. also they make up#boku trio together! though if we were making a list list im not sure id add em a tier above any other misfit…)#not all romantic obsession to be perfectly clear^^ but they all wanna stand by irumas side the same 😳#ameri and chima who want to stand by iruma romantically and academically/socially/powerwise…#vine and eiko too but theyre like. gag characters ik we’re a comedy series but everything surronding these two is a bit so im#putting them in the same adjecent group of side characters who are crushing#shiida who wants to be his family#mephisto who wants to be his righthand man/royal advisor/wants to make him king#(again misfits in general but lied and purson i single out bc. boku trio / young king duo / music duo u get it#id group bachiko opera balam and maybe even kalego with these other guys but… mmm#mmm bachiko certainly loves her student and opera/balam/kalego are all protective over iruma in their own ways id argue that when u compare#operas his family. bachiko is his master#kalego and balam are his teachers and his familiar/the first person he told his secret to#theyre all (seemingly) satisfied with their closeness with iruma/comfortable with their relationship as it is. theyre secure#the list above are all sorta Longing for something more#they want to be important to iruma#theyre not satisfied! they want more! and the story specifically centers around this idea for an arc or two or many#which btw i love i think iruma deserves having so many people who want to be close to him and who admire him#omg i forgot kirio HELLO…. hes…a little differently obsessed.#lets group him by himself but near the ameri/chima and eiko/vine section if u know what i mean#(note: its been a while since ive read chapters with shiida in em but from memory i do think she sees iruma as a little brother-#which is such a specific bond to long for; i think she wants to be someone he trusts first#followed by someone who can protect him followed by someone who he can learn from)#demons are selfish; i think its really sweet that theyre all pretty respectful of how iruma chooses to spend his time esp for being demons#cuz guess what! irumas selfish too. a true demon. he wants more and more and thats kinda what its all about#tldr everyone wants to stand next to iruma; clarazz (who stand next to him as his soulmates) have feelings about it lol#mairimashita! iruma kun#welcome to demon school iruma kun
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Overhead, the stars shone clear and bright, and though Mala had only once appeared to him at dawn, on the foothills across this very city, though she might be little more than a strange, mighty being from another world, he offered up a prayer anyway.
Then, he had begged Mala to protect Aelin from Maeve when they entered Doranelle, to give her strength and guidance, and to let her walk out alive. Then, he had begged Mala to let him remain with Aelin, the woman he loved. The goddess had been little more than a sunbeam in the rising dawn, and yet he had felt her smile at him.
Tonight, with only the cold fire of the stars for company, he begged her once more.
A curl of wind sent his prayer drifting to those stars, to the waxing moon silvering the camp, the river, the mountains.
He had killed his way across the world; he had gone to war and back more times than he cared to remember. And despite it all, despite the rage and despair and ice he'd wrapped around his heart, he'd still found Aelin. Every horizon he'd gazed toward, unable and unwilling to rest during those centuries, every mountain and ocean he'd seen and wondered what lay beyond... It had been her. It had been Aelin, the silent call of the mating bond driving him, even when he could not feel it.
They'd walked this dark path together back to the light. He would not let the road end here.
#Chapter 23#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Rowan Whitethorn#Rowaelin#Essar#Mala#more starry quotes#lord of the north#I will find you#no spoilers pls 1st read to read along with me pt 4 of 4 perspectives more notes/quotes/reacts in tags; spoilers in both post & tags#They would not all go in all go out. — he won���t leave without Aelin… and probably Cairn dead#Ready to unleash hell when he sent a flare of his magic diverting soldiers to their side while Rowan made his run for Aelin.#She'd protested but even Gavriel had told her that she was mortal. Untrained. And what she'd done today… Rowan didn’t have the words#thank you for Elide appreciation day#He trusted Essar. She'd never liked Maeve had outright said she did not serve her with any willingness or pride.#But these last few hours before dawn when so many things could go wrong...#the full circle of him praying to Mala in HoF and then mentioning it in QoS and EoS and now here in KoA😭#She had to be there. Aelin had to be there.#If they had come so close but wound up being the very thing that had caused Maeve to take Aelin away AGAIN#The bond within him lay dark and slumbering. No indication of her proximity. — Maeve doing that too AGH I HATE HER SO MUCH#Essar had no idea that Aelin was being kept here until Elide informed her. How many others hadn't known? How well had Maeve hidden her?#— maybe that means there’s some good face on their side who might help if they know or learn?#ah rowaelins love language of revenge and compartmentalizing#Overhead the stars shone clear and bright and though Mala had only once appeared to him at dawn on the foothills across this very city#though she might be little more than a strange mighty being from another world he offered up a prayer anyway.#his magic sending a prayer to the northern stars for dawn to stay with the woman he loves — even back then😭#Tonight with only the cold fire of the stars for company he begged her once more.#HE SAYS COLD FIRE BECAUSE ITS NOT HIS FIREHEART😭 and the the darkness back to the light — IT WILL NOT END HERE WE WONT LET IT HE WONT LET IT#and the fact he knew he loved her back then😭 and all those centuries before when he didn’t know why😭😭😭
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bold of both bioware and the fandom to assume that just because lucanis got with neve meant that rook wouldn't also be there rook is lucanis' emotional support friend and they cannot be seperated
#dragon age veilguard#davrin: please can we just have one date alone#lucanis holding one of rooks hands: pretend im not here im playing cards with spite#neve and davrin bonding over how rook and lucanis actually sleep in the same bed#no its not a polycule it is simply platonic co dependancy#like how my inquisitor romanced blackwall but dorian is also there#neve banishing both rook and spite outside to the naughty step#i thought romancing davrin as a grey warden rook would be great#and it is i love rook romancing the character in the same faction#but i think of all those fics that have lucanis following rook if they hear the calling#the entire veilguard following davrin and or rook into the deep roads just because they can't bear to be seperated for too long
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thinking still about how the Heart calls the Whalers 'puppets' and the amount of mystery there is around them, when playing as Corvo and perceiving them through the Heart, in comparison to how they are in reality.
we see them talk to each other in a manner any people would. they consider insubordination, they talk badly of Daud behind his back, we have Billie betray him. there are some that are loyal, yes, be it because they believe in Daud or because they see gain in this path, but by no means are they a monolyth.
however, we do hear from the Heart about a 'fog that surrounds them and hides their secrets' and it is even confirmed, by Billie (and also Galia in the books) that leaving Daud made them 'think clearly for the first time in years'
I've seen a couple theories and I do want to dive into each, to an extent.
there's the suggestion of the Heart talking badly of them, calling them mindless drones that only kill out of hatred and hurt. which, valid. the Heart also says certain things about Daud, 'why did you bring me here? do you expect me to forgive him?', so it's not unlikely that their attitude towards human lives and their willingness to kill for Daud is repulsive enough that the Heart does not see past it
another option is that the mindless puppets is more of a metaphor and is meant to talk about how the Whalers are, in a sense, a cult. which would be incredibly interesting to explore if we had more information on how the Whalers function. now I do want to point out that by cult I do not mean it in a Secluded Religious Organization but as a sociological thing. a literal cult if you will, with a leader that charms their followers, the seclusion and all the unhealthy attitudes of losing oneself to the group. and, that does check out - the loss of individuality, they are as one, following someone's orders without hesitation, someone they would die for. there are a lot of unsavory implications here (if you know how cults work, you probably had some cross your mind already), but arguably Daud is not charming enough to be a proper cult leader. the appeal is the magic, and his excellent skills as an assassin and a leader. maybe it's because of the time we see the Whalers at, right before a collapse, but Daud is regularly doubted and we see a lot of insubordination. the Whalers are not necessarily loyal to him because of who he is as a person. they want the power, they want the influence, maybe the protection, and the things keeping them from disobeying are fear, rather than loyalty.
the third thought or theory is, then, that many of these symptoms can be explained by the influence of the Void. we know the Void affects people, both physically as we see with Delilah's Witches or the Eyeless, as it influences them mentally, if the high numbers of people going mad because of their worship are something to go by. if, then, the Whalers are bound to the Void through Daud, it only makes sense that they would be influenced by this link to something that messes with people's brains. Galia saying she feels better after her Arcane Bond faded could easily mean that the influence the Void had on her has faded, and the creeping madness of it has subsided significantly.
all of these most likely come into play. one of the Heart's lines in dh2, if we point at a Witch, is reciting some of the recipes the Witches chant before quickly apologising. we do learn significantly more about them than we do about the Whalers, of course, possibly because Jessamine has more ill will towards the Whalers than to the Witches. still we see the Void affect the Heart. there is also a notion that the Witches are 'not quite human' due to their Arcane bond.
there's no real conclusion. it's just interesting
#li.txt#dh#dishonored#dishonored whalers#I cant stop thinking about this#and since Ive been pointed to 'whalers as a proper cult' Ive been thinking about it#I have a soft spot for cults as a phenomenon i think its very interesting how they function and the things that drive them to function#its really hard to explainwhat i mean without going into proper details on this#and like i dont think theres enough info about how the whalers functioned during their golden days?#to be truly able to tell how things were?#like if it was just a regular organization or if it was Proper Cult with all the unsavory practices that keep people in there#definitely against the 'mindless puppets' bs theyre still v much people#but i wonder like. how much did the arcane bond affect them#we know that it makes them arrogant#and they were already not too kind people before joining daud#i mean who would join the most famous assassin in dunwall without being into murder?#(i think this characterization suffers also because tehres just way less lines about characters in dh than in dh2)#anyways daud is not charismatic enough to be a proper cult leader and in this essay I will---#i did in fact not write about it at all lol but if people have questions I want to answer them#i really want to talk about the whalers actually#ngl should just sleep on this and post it later but nah yolo
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We are fresh with family drama and we haven't even seen eachother yet 💅☕️
#we did a group bought Christmas present to our great aunt#and in return she sent me money#she did not send anyone else moneyyyyyyy#im sure shes just pacing out the payments. but its causing quite the curfuffle in the family group chat apparently#which im not in. but baby sister sent screenshots#they all texted me asking how much i got#im not going to tell them. its not polite. but i can tell YALLLLLL#it was 100$ canadian#which right now is 70$ us#shes a rich single lady living in a gorgeous cottage in the UK. look at me living that fairytale life. having a rich relative#and ive never acrually met that relative but she sends me money because i facebook chat her and send her letters#which is how i figured out the perfect present for her. by myself. i just got everyone to help buy it.#they supposedly message her too but they probably dont share me and her warriors bond over art and animated movies#we are ghibli girlies#i just suggested Klaus to her and she loved it too
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#the secret to making friends is to let yourself annoy them#this is a joke but im also being completely serious#all my life I've been too apprehensive to make the first move because im always afraid of being bothersome#but looking back at the friendships through the past 4years at uni... im so lucky that a lot of people didn't worry about bothering me#and decided to come up and initiate conversation anyway#and also. whenever anyone has 'bothered me' by asking about me or wanting to know more... I have only felt loved and special...#so i guess what im trying to say is that#cringe culture is dead and theres nothing cool about prioritizing how you appear over the potential of a real bond#and I was born to be persistent and curious#so yeah. now that my graduate program will start in a couple months and there are opportunities to get acquainted with my classmates#I reach out to people with no attempt to hide my enthusiasm in getting to know them.#I double/triple text a lot and annoy them (affectionate) like i do my bffs and its incredible how 9/10 reciprocate that energy so quick#and despite the cultural differences and minor mistranslations/miscommunications we still manage to find common interests to discuss about#and it's like '!!!!!!! we're besties now'#yeah sure sometimes people might get a bit uncomfy and by the second message if i feel like I'm disturbing them I back off#but i won't know that until i reach out in the first place. so all in all this has worked really well for me and i love itttt#megumi in the tags
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while the only redeeming quality of love god really is the stan joke, it does emphasize how bad mabel is at matchmaking and also how much romance sucks actually
#the end to it still feels weird!!! and going 'oh but actually its all ok!!!' in supplementary materials doesn't make it feel any better!!!!#altho hilariously that means the snadger are soulmates all along#....ok 2 there are 2 redeemable things about that ep cos it gave ford that other hilarious mabel drawing in tots#anyway robbie's actual issue is that he was a terrible boyfriend!!! and didn't respect wendy at all!!!!#he let his insecurities get in that way and he constantly felt threatened by a kid!!!! rebounding off someone else fixes none of this!!!!!#also i have soooo much beef with the northwest ep especially cos of the mabel b plot#she and her friends deserve better than this???? romance in this show sucks!!!!!!#like the a plot isnt inherently bad but what it ended up sprouting into annoys me!!!!#(also the mood of 'dipper shouldve just gotten mabel and the girls out and ran lol')#(the ep needing the 4 of them to get attacked otherwise a lot of folks wouldnt give a shit about the ghost)#anyway another reason why bill sucks is cos he ended up undoing preston's face that coward#too bad those eps are necessary just so robbie and paz are on friendlier terms with the pines#(but meanwhile a wendy ep is too much to ask for :////)#also thinking about how mabel's love crazy phase is relatively new....#one day she'll get better taste in ships#i wonder how much the disney censors were shaking at the wompers joke#cos part of them being like 'NOOOOO THATS TWO GUYS' but also like. thats a pig duct taped to a goat.#they were probably pissed at mabel having a pride sweater on tho#roadside attraction was poorly timed and having it be all about being pickup artistry kinda sucks#but its still way better than love god lol at least we have dipper and stan bonding moments and candy got a hero moment#also stan no longer being sensitive about his brand
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sometimes i hate everyone and my life and sometimes i think it would be better if i just died at this point
#except for my puppy i love him i always will#i would probably let him gnaw on and mess up my dead body anyway#but either way sometimes i feel like people dont actually care for me and that im just a stupid loser#i could never be like them i could never get as much attention and love and praise as them ever#it hurts because they get it from someone i know too and i just dont know what to do#even if me and them dont talk anymore i know its my fault but i could never talk to them again now#i just dont know whats wrong with me and what im doing wrong and i dont know why im so unlovable#i dont know why im not interesting and i dont know why i dont deserve attention am i really that needy#sorry this is impulsive and im probably going to crash out and go through an episode but i think im sick and its making everything worse#i just want to be known and i want to be somebody or something i could go on and on#im not going to do anything i think but at this point i feel like im so close to doing something for attention#i want people to tell them how much they love me and how much they worry about me i want their praise#i have my puppy for that but hes different because he understands i love him so much you dont understand#im so tired of putting in the effort when nobody has interest in me and wants to know me#im so sick and tired of being needy when i have something perfect already right in front of me i feel so guilty#because he is enough he will always be enough my puppy is always going to be enough he deserves so much better#but then i cant bear the thought of him actually going out to find better i want to spend the rest of my life with him#i want to marry him and i want to work on myself so i can feel the type of love he makes me feel consistently#i want to carve his name into my arm and carve my name into his thigh so we are bonded#i want to be with him forever and even in my death i want him to stay with me and be by me#i want to be buried with him and i would want him to dig up my grave and throw me back when im all rotted#i love him so much you dont understand i know this got off topic but i think somethings wrong with me right now
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#every once in a while ill go back after cleaning up music on my phone and relisten to old rock songs then redownload them#but im thinking. how the fuck did 3/4 of my immediate family listen to disturbed. just one song but huh#actually maybe 2.. also trapt? who the hell is that anyway we all just know headstrong 😭#i redownload and delete and redownload it all the time LMAO#skilet and three days grace and OH breaking benjamin we all listened to a lot too#and i say 3/4 bc i dont know what the fuck my dad likes? pit..bull..? lmfao..? thai music?? im so confused#FALL OUT BOY ALWAYS HITS#also that fucking. roach last resort shit. my brother still has it in his spotify playlist and it always makes me laugh so fucking hard#anyway i do rmr skillet and breaking benjamin being big bc we all liked it. also how did we all like disturbed but now none of them listen#to rock sob sob#also i used to share three days grace and fucking hollywood undead to my younger cousin??? what was wrong w me for sharing HU...#HE DOESNT REMEMBER IT THO?? its really funny LMAO#also evanescence but i found more songs on my own and ofc we together only kinda had uhh 2 songs#NUMB ENCORE.. I TOTALLY FORGET ABT IT AND IT BLOWS MY MIND EVERYTIME IT RESURFACES IN MY HEAD HOLY SHIT#BANGER but anyw my point was uhh smn smn sharing music is great and im happy we all bonded over rock before lol#44597#IDK I FORGOT HALF WAY IN 😭 GO ROCK!! im redownloading some of the shit i dont have again LMAO#OUGH ALSO NOBODY CARES BUT ME AND MY COUSIN R SO 06 ALL HAIL SHADOW PILLED#THAT WHEN MY BROTHER PLAYED THE OG ALL HAIL SHADOW I KID U NOT I WAS LIKE IS THAT A COVER WHAT VERS IS THIS#SORRY IM SO CRUSH40 PILLED I LITERALLY PLAYED SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG ON THE PS2 AND ON AN EMULATOR?? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT#/LH BC ITS STILL GOOD BUT THAT IS NOT MY JAM. 06 IS WHERE ITS AT#crush40 was so good for sonic songs though esp all hail shadow and ungravitify OUGH crush40 versions r like almost always my fav#wait with movie and year of shadow ppl r going back n commenting all over this old yt upload of all of me from 11 years ago LMAOOO#dude they have to give knuckles kickass rap songs again PLEASE unknown from M.E makes me laugh so hard BUT ITS NOT BAD#AND PUMPKIN HILL ok that wasnt tehcnically his but it literally TALKS ABT KNUCKLES. ITS LITERALLY ABT HIM BRO#that ones funny to me bc my cousin loved it sm and he was legit like trying to hear the lyrics but he couldnntt#a ghost tried to approach me AND GOT MARRIED??? 🤨🤨 i cant take this song seriously ASLKDJS#CHECK YES JULIET.. JUST REALIZED MY BESTIES USED TO LIKE SOFT ROCK WITH ME?? they dont listen to that at all anymore omg
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Nights like these are so lonely TT
#somehow im cringing reading this but#idk after today its so hard aaaa#nights bring out every single emotion in you i feel#like even with other people#i notice people are way more mishy at night#so much easier to bond#now i miss the friends i made when we sat outside and talked for hours until it was late#i thought i had no good memories but ig i was wrong#ok this is how i can feel better for a while#all that time spent was sm fun#i miss them but im too embarrassed of how i am rn to go talk to them#ill get better Nd go talk!!
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depression cancelled i cleaned up a small part of my room and also my bag
#logbook#i hsd tea bags in my bag without a baggie bc im an idiot and was walking around with spilled tea in said bag for a month#i have spent all weekend in a depressive haze im so tired and sick. and this week is going to SUCK ass.#its fine everythings fine.#im debating if i want to go do laundry tonite or not. in the process i could pick up some food and things for the house up here.#and then not have to go down tmrw. . .sighs#also my plans to hang out wirh new friend were cancelled. he said he didnt make enough and had to work and was like 'oh yeah#we can hang out for an hour' and im like bro wont you need to get ready for work. like dw abt our hang out take care of yourself#and then we bonded over taking care of ourselves LOL#i think it worked out bc i ended up tsking 2 hrs to build a maybe hr max furniture and then napped for another 2 hours#i was so sick snd exhausted. this whole weekend has been like what if you are never not depressed. thanks man!#i forget how depressed i get at the end of summer going into fall everybodys so up there and im just waaaay down here#but i have managed to do some things. finally pulled myself out to bed. and ive also forced myself to eat so theres thst too.#jk also in case it wasn't obvious. depression still here
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"I wish I knew how to quit you" is exactly what it is. idk what it is but it is exactly what it is
#i suddenly remembered i can edit text#brokeback mountain#i thoughf alot about love and all. like its not about how deep the bond is right i used to think it was i have quite deep bonds with my#friends but its clearly friendship#since gender is out of the question i was asking what exactly is romantic love and idk it seems random#i have seen couples who have known eachother so less but ig they enjoy eachothers company so much?#its perplexing and doesn't make sense to me#i have too many people i would die for so its weird choosing one special guy i would die for in an extra special way#like just thinking about it even#because i am understanding people i like don't like me back and thats okay we move on. i will forget everything real soon.#as in its never balanced. i am way too dependent OR im too detached i am in hell of my own making#ok done 😗
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you cannotttt do """enemies to lovers""" or whatever in a mundane setting there is just not enough breathing room for conflict w/out making someone unreasonably annoying. like in a fantasy story or smth its often larger forces that make them enemies rather than individual traits VS im reading smth where theyre actors and one of them belittled the other at their first meeting, stole + ate their food on multiple occasions, and got them kicked out of the parisian catacombs for messing with a skeleton????? like im sorry i would also hate this guy and hold a grudge forever and ever.
#and after that getting forced onto a team bonding getaway w him? soz youd see me on the news at the first transgression#he apologizes + gets the reason why he was hated (belittling + first instance of food theft)#and hes like i hope we can make up bc im not as much as an asshole anymore 🥺 when dude stole food + did the catacombs thing just yesterday#and now theyre practicing a kissing scene at one of thems house without an intimacy meeting or coordinator ummm okayy...#the thing thats made me the most annoyed when reading this - and idk why im still reading it either man - is how unprofessional they areee#also its a socmed au and i hate socmed aus. all fanfic is contrived but this type especially. why am i reading this actually.#why are you asking someone to kiss and then immediately posting to twitter like 'i asked' bro he can see you staring at your phone??????#literally the contrivances of socmed/texting fics was the whole punchline/thing i was making fun of in my ouran twitter fic this sucks man#AND theyre doing occasional writing-writing interstitials when the contrivance is a little Too contrived and theyre bad. like writing wise.
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my favorite teacher plays dnd and bg3 do you know how crazy that is to me
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#LOTS OF THOUGHTS HII GOOD NOON TODAY WAS A REAL FUN DAY#I ALMOST BROKE DOWN AND ALSO I KINDA VENTED AND G#UH. WHY IS TUMBLR WEIRD AND CLOSING MY POST. ANYWAY!#i did vent to my friends abt annoying classmates (aka annoying ppl who are irresponsible) that bring me and my friends and groups grades#down. and yeah. but i bonded a lot w various frienda and and and fun day and and and I LEARN ^^ AND#things are quite bad sometimes but sometimes they aren't actually that bad and idk school is just really fun i'm almost sad#just really happy with where i am rn and my friends are noticing too sniffs ..... noticing how i'm talking more or whatnot#and more comfy and whatnot and hey it did take like. quite a while. but still! just. really happy#bcs this Quite A While was either basically immediate but in the making (two friends) or gradual but always getting there (group in class)#and etc !!! like hey maybe some friends online or irl i am not talking to as much atm but there's the comfort that we still greatly care#for wach other. and whatnot. and there's just a lot and damn if i gave up this wouldn't be happening lol my point is things do get better#and a lot of it tbh is on how you improve and see things (???) idk but damn i'm just rlly proud of myself#I COULD STILL DO BETTER mbut idk all of this is me and im just rlly secure in that and i have been since the longest time ngl. im amazing#yeehaw ANYWAYYYYFGEGKR BG3 I STARTED A DARK URGE RUN LAST NIGHT YE GODS ITS A BIT SCARY TO ME BUT I LOVE THE BLOOD#im trying to fight against it bcs im using my main tav but boom make him a durge guy so ^_^
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