#its gonna hurt me so bad when it's done
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I'm going to be so ill. just thumbnailed the comic for trito and kinoga's surface reunion
#THEYRE GOING TO MAKE ME SO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SICK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#my art#doodles#wip#comics#I have literally fucking had this rattling around in my head for over a year#this scene is what kinoga was literally made for#for them to recognize each other almost immediately and running at each other full force#augh. aughhhhh. auuguhhh#its gonna hurt me so bad when it's done#trit#kinoga#my ocs#splatoon#splatoon ocs#tritonoga
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#IM SO DRUNK @ THISTLE THISTLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#a doodley#OK SLEEP NOW im giving myself a headache thinking abt him#thje glimpse we get of him in the opening is enough to make me want to jump out a window im not gonna make it.#alsofd this is making me think of when i posted my yearly redraws and someone in the tags put like#''how does it feel to have had every art style''#afn like literally. i just cant go full lineless/painting bc ilove lines too much but i can do Dis#too many ways to draw#anywhay i just talked abt how im not a fanart person bt i want to draw him so bad. i love him#he's my favorite character in the series#even more so now that its Done and Cohesive. it hurts so bad i understand him i do
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#thanks for the dm dana sjfdhsjdfs#genuinely like all the fatigue of the past few months hit all at once this morning and when im overly stressed my mental health#gets bad. like really really bad#it was nice 2 laugh abt something ridiculous ajkhjkdfsdh#fnaf#spacie scribbles#at first this was gonna be springtrap talking 2 me but it makes more sense if its you lmaoksjdfkslfdj#i dont remember what your sona looks like forgive me 😭#and i didnt wanna dig something up for this shitpost so#i shuld learn 2 draw gore so that when i feel really bad like this i can draw characters getting hurt#genuinely think that would make me feel better#well. ig ik what imma be spending the rest of tonight doing#imagine being such a pathetic old decrepit creature that a couple plastic balls are all it takes ta destroy you#i could beat his ass. its canonically possible for me ta beat his ass#i wouldnt even hafta try that hard#buddy. you're DONE#also his hips.....#damn#thighs are a weakness of mine like dude.#look at his shit bro. this is fucking ludicrous#the way his stance is#auuugh#sickening
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having a hashtag bad one 👍
#my brother was chasing me with a shoe while i was screaming at him to stop while our mom just fucking stood there while i burst into tears#and then they both just go on their merry ways back to what they were doing acting like im not dry heaving so hard i think im gonna puke#like how can she just stand there and see me so upset and not say a single thing its just so typical he can do anything he wants no matter#how much it upsets me and he just gets away with it and i feel lile a dick bc hes younger and im an adult but this has been happening for#years and shes never done anything im so traumatized by him but i just have to keep acting like nothings wrong#i just wish my feelings could be even acknowledged by our mom like she enables it bc she does fucking nothing#once when i was a teen my therapist reported my brother to cps for hitting me and all my mom has to say was that having that on his record#could hurt him in the future and she was mad at me bc it made her look neglectful like babes its bc you are!!!#i need to get out of this fucking house so bad idk if i can stand another year here#h
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i feel like a part of my soul has been ripped from my chest and i dont know why.
#is this a bad time to mention i dont even believe in souls?#i really dk why.#no this isnt abt jiro somehow apparently having a loving family#(ok like. at least 1/4 of it is BUT STILL. NOT THE POINT)#(part of me feels awkward abt it bc just. huh? youre telling me. this guy. that i basically am the irl version of. has a loving family???)#(/j and all but just. idk part of me feels awkward now? it just. a guy who blew himself up for most of the same ideals i have)#(gets to have the one thing i yearn so very hard for. everyday of my life. but can never have.)#(ill get over this in like. 2 hours. hopefully. most of thats just shock anyways.)#just. for the past some days. besides a couple things and people. hurt and love havent really. made me feel much of anything#like being cared for by actual ppl even online. yeah. it still does but#even my fantasies don’t entertain me anymore#oh god am i becoming lopt. save me fuck#UNLESS this means i get mason as my bf. then hell fucking yeah (kidding kidding kIDDINGG i dont wanna be lopt. please.)#but srsly. usually i can envoke some sorta reaction from myself if its brutal enough#but. nothing.#id assume that im over doing it usually. but i havent in a good while#maybe this is some what where my art/writers block is coming from#whatever this hell is.#time to go on a spiral of mildly depressing and somewhat cryptic posts (cryptic if i didnt info dump in the tags that is)#why is it so hard to confront issues when you dont even know what the issue is?#i just. wanna be able to make myself feel something.#not in a “i have no one but myself” way for once. just. i dont wanna have to rely on others for my emotions#i want to feel a pang of hurt. yet it feels so empty. i dont want to harm myself. i just want to feel it.#anyways ig.#ig im gonna just sleep#which tbh im growing to hate bc like. i feel all i do is sleep. i sleep to avoid how much my own body hurts. i sleep to ignore my issues#i sleep to ignore the fact i keep forgetting to respond to people even though ik i have to at some point. i sleep to avoid the dread of not#getting anything done. i sleep just because im bored.#and im tired of sleeping.#but. it feels worse awake. my body hurts. my mind hurts. it all just hurts.
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When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out
#vent#its not like they didnt offer to hear my problems. but i just dont want to talk about. or anything#i dont want serious conversations. i dont want to have to worry about other people. i just cant.#im just so fucking exhausted and i dont know if its talking to them and feeling drained by the fact that theyre going through something-#-and that i need to be the therapist or if im just sick. again.#plus yesterday i slept late. my mum made me cry (i think she was just tired out by that point in the day so i doubt it was personal)#and just#im fucking tired ok#and I'm sorry im a bad friend#i just dont have energy. i want to have good energy around me to try give me some.#but when theyre upset it gets into me and drains me and I've been there as much as i can but i just cant right now. im too tired#i know im a shitty person but literally everyone got to be a shitty person at my expense so isnt it my fucking turn?#and then assuming i was acting like that to hurt them. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE. IF WE HAVE A FIGHT I WANT TO MOVE ON.#I'm not gonna be caught up in it if we resolved it#but yeah. long story short they're going through shit and i feel like shit#and i think them going through shit is what makes me feel like shit. because i worry about them#and they can lash out on me#i just dont know anymore. i dont know if im an awful person or not#last year i broke up with a friend and my mum said I'll do the same with the next friend#it wasnt my fault#that friend ghosted me#im trying not to be her rn too and im scared that ive been in the wrong im scared im a shitty person too#but at the same time im too done to even really care#i just wanna stop fucking feeling all this and just get on with my day
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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it's not going too well
#cw vent#but#:[ i feel so baaad about it idk#one of the only things im known for in school is self harm and i dont wanna go back tomorrow#and now it feels like sh is basically my only recognisable thing#so everytime i look down at my arms and see scars fading away i just feel so terrible about it#what am i doing? why am i not cutting myself tahts what im meant to do thats what ive always done!! thats all anubody wants from me#i kinda really don't like how#basically everykne in my school really doesn't like me much cuz all i really have going is that i cut myself#have autism#and may or may not be a tranny#even though all of those things are things that are true qnd i dont even think they're bad things#i just. i dunno. i feel bad. like genuinely they have one thing they want me to do#and thats hurting myself!! but im not even doinf that right now#this is so dumb. all my problems are dumb as fuck huh#im so scared of school now#its not even just how the people act#when i go into the corridors there are so many people#so when im finally alone it always feels like theres someone behjdn me. its scaring meee i dunno. i hate school#please dont make me go back tgere. wait no what do you mean this is gonna be another three or so years#and even after those threes years i still have to go to university.. and get a job#this is the rest of my life i think and that makes me sad#i really tried to like school i tried so so hard to like school#but its so difficult. too many people too many noises#too many rumours and too many ableists#there are also too many tags on this post#but rlly the bad part of school has never been the work for me. im a dumbass but i do like learning#weh. dont make me go back. can i sleep for 72 hours instead of going to school#i hate walking into that stupid building everyday and being able to feel everybodys eyes go onto me#its all so scary. i should stop venting on here but i probably won't im sorry
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Me: I should probably clean my room, unpack, find my laptop and finish the work tasks that were due yesterday
Also me: I think I'm going to hot glue flowers, vines, and ribbons to a basket instead :)
#no my room is so bad it even hurts my chronically messy soul#i moved back in with my parents in May and im terrible at unpacking#so everything is just strewn about because i just pulled shit out of boxes when i needed them and never put them anywhere productive#and i just got back from my summer camp job. i still need to digitize my inventory and write my closing report#it was supposed to be done before i left camp but i convinced them to let me do it by monday#today is tuesday#part of the reason i havent done it is because my laptop is lost in this mess#last thing im procrastinating is ren faire prep#truly its not much prep just adding vines and flowers to a basket and needing to try on my whole outfit#and practice my makeup and hair#makeup will be light bcuz i dont know how to do makeup#so im just doing some lipstick and glittery highlight#and i need to figure out what to do with my hair. i have a tiara that i might see about fastening into the braids#or i may braid ribbons into my hair. gotta test to see whoch one i like better#i am so fucking excited for ren faire bcuz im going with my gf and some of her friends#im so excited to meet her friends and spend time with her outside of the summer camp we worked at together#AND im going to do her hair and she asked me to braid ribbons into her hair so im so excited#i just need to practice some braids to figure out how i want to do her hair and practice braiding in ribbons#i fucking love doing hair and i cant wait to do hers. ive done single strand braods for her before BUT#she has long beautiful hair and ive been wanting to try more braids on her and i think i have an idea of what i want to do#but instead of doing anything productive. i am sitting in bed. doing nothing#(spoiler alert its because every time i leave camp i get treated to a terrible depressive episode)#(its because i lose the routine and sunshine and exercise and social aspect of camp probably)#(now worsened by the terrible state of my room and the passing of one of my rats while i was at camp that i just learned about)#anyway im doing fine. gonna go do something now ig
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i am literally so scared to take this bandage off im scared i think i misremember it as worse than it is but im scared i *don't*
#tw sh#i should get stitches i genuinely should but also. No.#and it Hurts#yknow what this next bit is kinda gorey in description so i will talk and get it under the cut#bc it really. it terrified me. and it was such a terrible mistake i did not know i was capable of that! and it hurts so bad and is gonna#hurt more when i take the bandage off bc it is GOING to stick#but like as soon as id done it there was blood everywhere like it was POURING#and i absolutely panicked and put pressure on it and all so it's not *too* bad and its defs not hit a vein or smth#but this also means i didn't do anything like trying to bind it up in a way that closes it as much as possible i have no idea what its like#i just bound it up Tightly basically as tightly as i could#God be thanked i bought bandages yesterday or idve been Stuck#puddleglum hours#it's been two hours now and its starting to be painful and it will presumably get worse. aaaaa
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...
#love that when ur stressed and having a bad time it makes ur menstrual pain worse so you feel even more awful#like. yes. id love to get things done but unfortunately i need to go home immediately at 2pm bc i feel physically ill. vibes wretched.#im considering sleep here at 6pm but 2 b fair i think i only slept 4hrs last night. woof. tomorrow is gonna b interesting#i think the allergic reacting is abt over now tho. like im not really itchy anymore. the rash is still visible but i think its just dry now#bc of the cold. so was i ever reacting to the tatto0? or was it all the medication? im so interesting in what happened#would i not have had a reaction if i hadn't got a bunch of holes poked in my skin? or was it just a coincidence#that the rash started on that arm? ugh. so frustrating. and i think the psychiatrist forgot to actually book my appointment from when we#last talked so idk. maybe if i watch t4skmaster over and over it will heal my soul#ay. its all very frustrating. and i still dont have fucking autoclave access. fuck off. just give me the fucking key code#i just wanna pour plates 🫗 lol that actually looks a lot like pouring solid media. i dont wanna have to steal someone else's card to open#the door. who even locks up an autoclave??? they didnt at my old school and u could wheel a body into that thing. im pretty sure it was#bigger than this one. also there's another unlocked on on campus. why?! i ask ppl and fucking no one knows. that's just how it is#ugh. i should go to sleep. my tummy hurt#unrelated
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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏
#haunted ecosystem#i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months#<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat#dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer#((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is#that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better#because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and#you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain#and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be#and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that#somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!
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oh i absolutely gave myself way too much of a workload this semester but holy shit i finally have like... about 80% of that orv changgwi animatic down in concept and i am. cartoon villain cackling
#asto speaks#when (yes WHEN not IF) i get it done its gonna hurt so bad#i mean i dont think it'll get done *soon* cuz god my workload this semester is. something#but if my math isnt wrong the webtoon is only gonna get to chapter 188 (where i plan to cover up to in the animatic) in like june so#ive got time?? kinda?? anyway i literally *cannot* stop thinking about this fucking idea so mark my words i will get it done#also yes its going to hurt me to make too because i havent ever done an animatic for a full song yet#changgwi is one of those songs thats kinda impossible to split up idk#also because my BEST ideas are at exactly the beginning and ending of the song. convenient.#the ending was like my one major concern when i first thought of this idea actually cuz the part of the song that#originally made me think of orv was that second (third?) verse of like the spirit telling the story of its own death that felt very yjh idk#but i just had. no idea what to do with the second half of the song#but then i read the novel and chapter 188 hit me in the back of the head with a baseball bat#and now that ending might be my favourite part of the whole project#>:)#big massive sorry to all my rwd mutuals btw i know there was a bit where i kept talking about making another rwd animatic#i do still have that sitting in my brain just cuz ive already animated a few segments of the song#i just dont reaaally have a full plan for the whole thing exactly so#by this point im just seeing if we get any DX-TR lore in s5 that might inspire me idk#project 2 electric boogaloo#stay tuned idk i have a bit of a proof of concept i plan to make this/next week#its funny actually cuz i got introduced to this song through an arknights animatic i saw on bb and i spent#honestly an embarrassing amount of time worrying if some of the ideas i have in my plan were just like. subconsciously stolen from that one#but i was like procrastinating schoolwork today and trying to plan out some stuff and just#went and looked up every changgwi animatic on bilibili i could find#and turns out the stuff i was worried id been stealing are honestly just like. common among *all* the stuff ive seen that use that song?#like cuz the official lyric video for the song is just so. stylistically *striking* a lot of genetic material from that just makes its way#into everything people make using that song like at this point the monochrome red colour scheme and like#ending on a backwards timelapse (?) through the vid is basically like scenes a faire for any changgwi animatic LMAO
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Losing a family member or a partner is already literally one of the worst parts of life we have to go through but being the person(s) that have to also handle all of the legal, formal, and financial parts of it makes it so much fucking worse like rubbing salt in a wound.
Like here I know you're devastated and grieving but also you need to fill out assloads of paperwork and get things set up immediately and figure out how to pay at the very cheapest $1k for a cremation without even being able to give the person you loved a proper funeral because it costs thousands of dollars more, and having to call Medicare and all the other govt. places to report her death and so fucking much that has to be handled.
Honestly everyone needs to find a way to teach themself at least the basics of everything that has to be handled after death because your family or partner could be perfectly fine one day and then all of a sudden an accident happens like a fall or wreck and it could all fall on you to handle every single thing.
And not a single part of the process is easy which only makes what is already one of the hardest things to go through in life exponentially worse.
And, death is so extremely expensive. Literally the cheapest possible cremation we can find is $995 and that's no funeral or anything just straight to ashes in a box.
You don't want to be struck with such a tragedy and have zero knowledge of what will become your responsibility to handle and pay for.
I know it's awful to even think about your loved ones dying but not knowing what to do when it happens, because death is the one thing that happens to us all and it can happen at literally any time, will only make everything worse and harder for you.
If you know you will be responsible for handling someone's affairs after death, take the time to actually sit down and discuss how they would want you to handle it and seriously consider looking into some kind of life insurance, even if it's not for much, because creation and funeral services require payment upfront and this isn't something that can be put off until you can afford it. Wether or not they had a life insurance policy could be the thing that could completely fuck you financially especially if you were already struggling.
#death#dying#i dont know what we're gonna do im gonna have to make another post asking for help because we absolutely do not have $1000#but it needs to be paid#im trying so fucking hard to keep myself going but this is all literally just the fucking worst#its been 29 and a half hours since she fell. 30 hours ago everything was fine and normal and we were just eating dinner like any other night#she didnt even get to have her dessert which i was literally finishing up making for her when it happened#i ran to her as fast as i could and i called for help and i tried me best to help and stop the bleeding but she hit her head too bad and#there isnt a single thing the drs can do except keep her as comfortable as they can until her heart stops#as she lays there twitching#no im not okay#i know there isnt anything different i couldve done that wouldve saved her but god damnit its all just fucking horrible#its been just over a full day since it happened and i still almost cant believe it fucking happened#it hurt so bad when i first got up and remembered i dont have to make her breakfast today#it hurt every single time i walked by or glaced at her bedroom door#or realized it was just a bit too quiet in the house cause her tv isnt playing the gameshows she loved to watch#or didnt have to make her a plate for dinner or bring her any dessert#jaye shut up
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“are you sleep” no im not sleep you ran over me with a 16 wheeler
#i feel bad for disliking my dad. but he does shit to me that makes me dislike him#🦇#maybe im blowing it outta proportion maybe im the terrible one idk#maybe its gonna be lifelong. the eldest daughter to son who shares the same disability just at a different severity#we could bond. we could’ve bonded Been bonding OURE JUST SOFUCKING DIFFICULT#i hate talkinh abt him it makes me upset and makes me feel like im betraying him or something#i hurt him when i was in the trenches and my delusions surrounding him were fucking atrocious#im so sorry for that i made him cry. i always will be sorry#but when you fucking. fucking shoot me down. at every turn. im fit to snap yknowOh hi benoit blanc :)#the venn diagram of philza fans and issues with their father and being transmasc. lol#its funny. i promise#ok im done#obscurus.txt
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context for today’s rant is that i got the feedback on my jury’s written feedback in the ‘general’ section (meaning it comes from more than one person) that i’m disrespectful towards my teachers and fellow students (i got it phrased in 2 different ways for flavour) & when i asked around today who said this so i could see how i could change my behaviour (btw none of my fellow students think this which i know bc i asked and everyone was shocked that i got this feedback) all of them were ‘i dont think this but it was discussed that’ which is funny bc it means the school’s computer system has a ghost or no one wants to fucking apologise to me for a very personal and hurtful comment that they can’t back up, but anyway, i was asking for clarification & my most diplomatic teacher (who i dont for a second believe to have written this feedback bc she’d have said so to my face no doubt) was like “well some teachers are worried about you and [best friend]’s clique & think it might turn into an Intellectuals Vs Others thing” (i don’t need to tell you this is so fucking out there i nearly fell from my seat like i have never said this in my life and when this very teacher saying this made a comment about one of my less-well read fellow students i was one of the ones who ‘‘rallied’‘ or whatever in her favour) and anyway then she continued “some ppl feel like u make condescending comments & you just need to remember not everyone has had your trajectory in life” WHICH IS FUNNY because she says this bc my bestie’s got a whole philosophy degree but i’m a highschool dropout with a lower than average iq in certain subjects. which obviously isnt even close to being the point and i do know that but i’m clearly feeling very upset and mad about this whole situation.
#my mom says i shouldnt let this embitter me but i think they should either find an example of when ive been disrespectful#or apologise to me and take it off the written feedback#i had to sit there and listen to everyone say that they dont think im disrespectful which is so fucking humiliating#because i KNOW that. but i still spent all weekend long worried out of my mind & i sat there trembling like a leaf and fucking crying#because i feel so betrayed by all these people im ngl. like im supposed to open myself up to these people and i DO#and be vulnerable with them and i AM#and yet when something like this comment is thrown around in a feedback discussion no one stands up for me?#& i know that they dont like. know all of us individually THAT well like i know that im vulnerable and open with them and they dont like#remember specifics#but theres only 14 ppl in my class which granted is a lot but its not enough to just forget that ive never done anything disrespectful#to any one of my fellow students#in the words of my favourite wrestler: This Has Hurt Me.#and in the words of my best friend who is mentioned in the post: kinda sus the only two people who got this type of feedback#(she didnt get it QUITE so harshly but she got the feedback that she should be a little more considerate towards other students#which is still nonsense because literally like everyone else said she's the one we'd all come to if we ever had a problem)#but kinda sus that the only ppl getting this feedback are the two neurodivergents in the class#whatever. whatever whatever ive been crying im upset im somehow even more upset by one of my teachers being like#'this isnt ok esp this phrasing & i'm gonna look into this' like she's super nice and sweet and it does make me feel better#but its also like. confirmation that i SHOULD feel upset somehow? idk. oh it sucks so fucking bad#& i told one of the other ones about this in terms of like 'listen i have autism i dont always know how to interact w ppl#so when i do this or that this is what i mean' and she was like 'wow ive learned so much this discussion has enriched me'#werent the point bestie. the point was for you to please stop making assumptions when i am not the only person to react in this way#very unhappy right now. this has hurt me dot tweet
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