blackcoffeen

[blackcoffeen]

November 26th, 2024 - 12:43 am

No poetry today,

I miss her.

[blackcoffeen]

From My First Letter That I Received, June 27th, 2023

At the end all I know is I fell for you first and I am still falling and I hope you don't leave because i have never loved someone this much before.

[blackcoffeen]

Note from April 27th, 2024

Hello there luv,

It's my birthday again, and all I can remember about the last one was your first text.

I thought I would be waiting for a while,

it's been another year,

and I don't see any excitement at all.

[blackcoffeen]

Note from May 2nd, 2024

Hello you,

You know it's hard, starting allover again. Just when you thought, it'll be alright, and you fell for it, again.

But I'm still here, ready for another shot,

no it's not for you, it's for me this time.

Maybe it's different now, I'm not looking for special something or someone.

Just some time and that's all.

[blackcoffeen]

November 22nd, 2024 - 01:03 am

They'd call me an alcoholic,

but how would you ever forget a face like that?

How would you live not knowing if you had another chance,

but you, just gave up on that.

[blackcoffeen]

November 18th, 2024 - 2:48 pm

I'm crying, I'm crying, I'm crying,

I thought I couldn't but,

why does it feel like bawling out,

is this what they call Dying?

My eyes, my eyes, my eyes,

I believed you took them away.

My tears, my pen, all of my night time.

I keep it, I keep it, I kept it in,

I cried without tears,

why now I feel them?

Why can't I push them back inside?

I thought I could keep it in, but you,

you make me too vulnerable,

I want you to tear down my eyes.

Why? why? Just why?

Just look at me, I beg you,

please feel me, please don't make me cry.

I cried, I cried, oh no I cried,

it never hurt to bleed,

but my tears, I wanted to keep them mine.

It hurts, it hurts, oh no it hurts,

no, no, it's not blood,

not this time.

My heart is beating fast,

my hand is shaking as i write this part.

I can't, I can't, I can't,

please not today,

not you again.

You're aiming for my heart.

I died, I died,

no I'm dying as you speak.

You speak too unknowingly,

a knife's never made me this weak.

I bleed, I bleed,

no I'm bleeding as now.

But I don't have a knife,

no I don't have a saw.

[blackcoffeen]

November 5th, 2024 - 10:40 pm

I'm too lazy to be writing about anything,

yet I still write about you.

You're still onto my mind somehow,

but you still don't care, do you?

I've spent on hours,even clocks complain about my time,

debating with myself weather you look like a sunset or maybe a sunrise.

But you would just block me away, as you said,

and I know it can never be said likewise.

So, I'll just write it down for you,

you'll be the one with red hands,

you'll be the reason of my demise.

[blackcoffeen]

23rd September, 2024 - 11:08 pm

I'm dead, finally,

you've killed me, totally.

I've been dead for a while,

but never noticed this much.

I've lived with sleepy eyes,

but now they deny to even open a little too much.

I'm writing after a long break,

no wonder you took my writing away with you too.

I tore all those blank pages,

just cause I can't sketch anything else,

that is not you.

It even hurts to try and talk,

I know it's you I will see every single time.

I like people but never love,

I seek for you, even a little,

it's my guilty pleasure, it is my crime.

But after all this time,

I know you and you know whatever it was that came.

We're still on some odd terms,

just cause we knew it,

maybe we were good,

maybe the next will never be as same.

[blackcoffeen]

August 14th, 2024 - 05:51 pm

Those dark eyes are all i see,

whenever someone talks about the moon.

I’ll never be over old you and me,

if anyone’s ever asked me,

“now or soon?”

So if tomorrow starts without me,

just make me your muse.

I'm begging, kicking feet,

just to be of some use.

[blackcoffeen]

July 24th, 2024 - 07:03 pm

I run here & there,

from you,

to forget you.

I distract myself,

from you,

to not kill the one liked by you.

Again & again,

it's "why them? move on."

it's "forget it, it was a mistake."

But known to me,

was it for you? still you?

Maybe it was worth it all,

but the love was never theirs to take.

Why be with those people,

I'd rather be on my own.

I'd rather be alive on your little attention,

the ones only between us,

the ones that's better when it's unknown.

We're worth the wait,

but they'll never let it pass through.

You know it, and so do i,

we're better, we're happier,

just when they don't know any about it,

just when it's all in blue.

[blackcoffeen]

July 29th, 2024 - 12:49 am

You say you don't like my music taste,

FUCK YOU to tell me that.

Why even care to tell me,

when you know I'm insecure about everything,

Why, when you know i keep all of pain you gave,

to all by myself.

Yes I am angry and grieved,

I never complained about you that way,

I fucking took everything you gave,

EVERYTHING.

Even the pain from that day.

Yes i complained then,

but only because I thought I knew you,

but you lied to me straight away,

knowing I will somehow find the real you.

FUCK YOU to ever call me anything ever again,

I waited just for everything to forgive,

but you thought it's good to play it off too.

But it's enough from this very day,

you don't get to complain,

about who, why, especially ME too.

[blackcoffeen]

July 22nd, 2024 - 11:34 pm

You don't want to be seen,

but you do at the same time.

"What's the difference?" they ask.

"Nothing; maybe just to be fine."

[blackcoffeen]

July 22nd, 2024 - 02:18 pm

Love story, started and ended with that dark eyed introvert real quick,

passing by June to September, just as quick.

You're wearing those eyes,

really dark, really shy.

Is it the real you?

What are you hiding beneath those,

little spies.

Room full of people,

still you only talk to the text prints.

"Hello" I say, while pointing at the book,

and a "hey" is all i get.

"You don't look like you talk to people much."

"I do", no looks.

"So just a 'hey'?"

"Not much people I've met!"

A cafe, a glance,

no words.

Are you reading my mind?

Still nothing;

Should I leave? Should I talk?

No not here.

I think a text is what I should find.

And now it's the ending,

it's "You're too much, I don't like people like that."

What if rather than saying you don't like people,

just say you've never had a home like that.

What if I knew the truth,

what if you knew you were lying.

What if rather than you,

not liking people,

I knew the real reason this time.

[blackcoffeen]

July 13th, 2024 - 08:54 pm

You know it's hard to write about love again,

you changed my views,

you threw knife at my eyes.

I thought I was a romantic freak,

but why not this time?

I try to write it down,

but what if I'm not so full of love this time?

What if this is more than what affected me?

What if I'm left with nothing this time?

You did a number on me,

oh you though you were done,

and you thought it would be alright.

But I can not see love in my life,

not this time.

I can see others in love,

but why can I not see myself calling someone mine?

Why can I not see love how it was before?

Why do I only fear of not bleeding this time?

What if I did found someone?

What if I moved on with life?

But what if it never affected me?

What if even after it,

it didn't feel like I'm losing my mind.

What if I don't bleed this time?

What if you really drained me out of love?

What if I knew I wouldn't cry?

[blackcoffeen]

July 13th, 2024 - 3:28 pm

The intrusive decisions,

the ones you don't let follow through.

The ones like, should I do this?

Should I get myself killed too?

What if they perceive of love?

Like should I take this chance?

Should I let it go too?

Should I just cherish a bit more?

Should I take this knife too?

Maybe I do.

Maybe I'm so full of love,

that I might let this one through.

Maybe because how bad it did to me,

maybe cause I know,

I might do it again too.

That I did let yours cross,

just because I knew I loved you.

[blackcoffeen]

July 6th, 2024 - 12:30 pm

Yes it is that cafe again,

you know just to be better,

just to be at an ease.

Just cause I'm wild at heart,

just cause I'm disturbed anytime I please.

[blackcoffeen]

July 9th, 2024 - 02:15 pm

I see people,

people together, happy & sad.

Why is it so hard to watch?

Is it because you're still in the back of my head?

I see rain,

hard & slow.

Sharp & soft,

I do not care, it's just better to stand below.

I see the red,

roses? too beautiful.

Crimson that I see,

blood? too tasteful.

I imagine you there,

imagine you here.

You be in the back of my head,

I say a thousand words,

but face to face,

you know I'm dead.

You're far, you're apart,

and still you don't break contact.

Should I be worried?

Should I die deep?

Or should I react?

I've decided,

I will stay just calm.

I will let you do the thing,

I will let you break me apart.