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shutteredislands · 4 years ago

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REYLO MODERN AU FIC RECS

Hi!! I spent my entire winter break reading reylo fics and I feel like I’ve found some gems! I’m boring and don’t like angst, so most of these are pretty fluffy, however, always read the tags before reading. Anyways, happy reading!

Already Home - College, Roommates, A/B/O, Soulmates AU - Complete - Rated E - 79k

“Oh stop being all Alpha-y.” She flexes her foot, rolling her ankle as if to prove a point, and he doesn’t miss the wince that crosses her expression. “You aren’t my Alpha, and you definitely aren't my soulmate,” she mutters.

He can’t help but let out a dry laugh. “Thank god for small mercies.”

Okay so this is a trope fest but it was so good! I’m not gonna explain the plot in depth because I think going in blind is best for this!

Baby, It's Just Biology - Professor/Student, A/B/O AU - Complete - Rated E - 113k

For Rey Jackson, trying to finish your degree in Biomedical Science at Harvard is difficult enough when you're one of the few Omegas on campus.

It's made even more difficult when your Professor is the one to trigger your heat. You can't help it, it's just your biology.

An Alpha Omega love story.

This is the perfect balance of angst, fluff and pure smut. This one Is a lot angstier than anything else on this list, but you can see every stage of this relationship and I loved it so much! Please read the tags on this one!

I’ve got you (under my skin) - Nanny/Single Parent AU - On Hiatus - Rated E - 81k

“Hi, I’m Rey. I’m here for the—”

“Nanny,” Ben blurts out dazedly, still trying to remember how to form coherent thoughts. “You’re the nanny.”

Her smile hitches up a little wider. “Well, I might be.”

Suddenly, Ben thinks he might be in for a whole new world of problems.

Because Rey Johnson is still most likely the only thing standing between him and disaster, that much hasn’t changed, not by a long shot.

And Ben can’t seem to stop staring at her mouth.

In which Ben hires Rey to watch his son... but he can’t seem to stop watching her.

Okay so I almost never read WIPs, but this one was left off in a pretty good place so don’t worry about cliffhangers or anything. I am a sucker for single dad!Ben so expect more of these. I loved this fic so much and get ready for a SMUTFEST.

Light My Fire - Rivals to Lovers, College, A/B/O AU - Complete - Rated E - 20k

When rivals Ben and Rey break into a professor's office together, it comes out that Rey might not be the Beta she thinks she is.

I’ve never been the biggest reader of enemies to lovers, until this. This was so so so good! I loved their banter so much, and this is another smutfest lol.

Peacock - Fake Dating, Enemies to Lovers, Neighbors AU - Complete - Rated E - 72k

Thanks to a series of misunderstandings, failed attempts at flirting, and loud Katy Perry music, Ben grows to hate his new neighbor.

Proposing to her wasn't the best solution to his problems.

This is, hands down, one of the funniest fics I have ever read. I cried actual tears because of how funny this is. Slowish burn, but their banter will keep you engaged the whole time. I love this so much!!

An Unexpected Vacation - Scientist, A/B/O AU - Complete - Rated E - 62k

“You don’t care that someone, that people will watch you fuck?” He looks two seconds away from puking. “Like multiple, multiple people will be able to describe your vagina. They’ll probably analyze it in a boardroom. Someone will feel proud about a shitty PowerPoint full of annotated pictures. They will use words like ‘arousal fluid’ and consult charts and these things will never not be digitally saved. That doesn’t bother you?”

“Are you suggesting my vagina is unworthy of analysis?”

In which Rey attempts to bolster her bank account by volunteering to fuck an Alpha in a scientific study. Plans go pear-shaped when she accidentally triggers scientist!Ben’s first Rut.

This was a really funny smutfest and I loved that. I loved Rey and Ben so much, and Ben was the perfect “I hate everyone but you” boyfriend! I love this!

She Doesn’t Normally Bite - Single Parent/Teacher AU - WIP - Rated E - 37k

Ben Solo is a single dad to 6-year old Ellis. Her teacher isn't the old-cat lady that he expects and naturally, sparks fly when they meet. Rey helps show Ben that he is allowed to be happy and the romance is DELICIOUS. There will be the happy ending we all deserve.

Both Ben and Rey have a lot to navigate, and of course - things are never straight forward.

Tw: Bens wife died when their daughter was born - whilst it is mentioned periodically, it does not form a significant part of the story. There'll also be warnings in the notes for the particular chapters it'll be mentioned in.

THIS THE ONLY WIP I WILLL EVER READ REY AND BEN ARE SO FREAKING CUTE AND ELLIS IS SUCH A CUTE KID AHHHHHHH! That is all.

Down an Inch, Up an Inch - A/B/O, Soulmates, Gym Rats AU - Complete - Rated E - 60k

Omega instructor Rey has always been the master of her domain at Rebel Belle Barre and wouldn't dream of dating an Alpha.

When her new neighbors at Supremacy Bootcamp start ruining her classes with their terrible music, she storms over to give them a piece of her mind. She challenges the beefy ex-Marine owner Ben Solo to a plank-off and the loser has to take the other's class. When they spark an unusual connection, can Rey stay away for long?

Has she bitten off more than she can chew with the gentle giant Alpha with the warm, sad eyes?

SMUT FREAKING FESTTTTT. Okay but I loved these two so much, even though I am opposed to working out in any shape or form! I love the non-traditional soulmate part, and I really loved Rey in this.

Tea for Two - Enemies to Lovers, University Setting AU - Complete - Rated E - 67k

'"This is a tea house, you know." The plummy, ultra-posh voice startled Rey Kenobi from her day-dreaming, almost spilling the scalding hot coffee over her chest.'

Rey, an American former hacker, turned cyber security expert, has been commissioned by Oxford University to protect their systems from hackers. Unfortunately, she has to work closely with Professor Ben Solo, Merton Professor of English Literature who also happens to be Lord Ben Solo, member of the English peerage. And an unmitigated snob.

She drinks coffee. He drinks tea. He only reads classic literature. She reads Marvel comics. He is nobility. She is a nobody.

Things should go swimmingly, shouldn't it?

SO. MUCH. UNRESOLVED. SEXUAL. TENSION. I loved the slow burn aspect because I sat in bed because I was waiting for them to bone for so long. And after they bone its a smut and fluff-fest I loved this so much!

And They Were Roommates - Roommates, A/B/O AU - Complete - Rated E - 49k

“This isn’t going to work.” He points a finger between the two of them. “This arrangement.”

Her eyes narrow. “You didn’t put any specifications on who could apply.”

“Yeah…” He rubs the back of his neck then, the action making it look longer, making her wonder what it might feel like under her fingers. “You have to know that this isn’t a good idea.”

She knows what he means, she does—but she’s so tired of being brushed aside for her designation that she challenges him anyway. “And why not?”

His eyes bore into hers, his expression blank as he says, “Because I can tell how much scent-block you put on—and I can still smell you.”

In which Rey’s new roommate turns out to be a lot more than she bargained for.

EVEN. MORE. UNRESOLVED. SEXUAL. TENSION. Like these two would be eating cereal and I would be chanting, “bone! bone! bone!” the whole time. I loved these two, and the family aspect of this one was so good.

Imprints - A/B/O, Boss/Employee AU - Complete - Rated E - 74k

“I was happy you’ll be working with someone you know. He’ll take good care of you.”

Take good care of you.

The words send a shiver down her spine, sparking memories that flood her with embarrassment. She feels a strange itch just below her ear, her gland giving a phantom pulse as if her body remembers the incident even still.

Suddenly her triumph fades into dread, the idea of working here leaving a hollow pit in her stomach. Poe is still talking, but she doesn’t hear most of it. Her mind is firmly trapped in the vivid memories of six years ago— in a moment she wishes she could forget.

By the time she hangs up the phone— she isn’t sure anymore if she can do this.

Okay so this is pretty popular so I wont say too much, but it lives up to the hype. Smutfest, fluff and angst rolled into one beautiful fic!

Bespoke - Enemies to Lovers, Boss/Employee (?) AU - Complete - Rated E - 38k

When new stylist Rey Jackson receives a request to dress the hottest (and most unfashionable) new actor in Hollywood, she gets a lot more than she bargained for.

Mentally AND physically.

Because Ben Solo is freaking massive.

THIS WAS SO HOT OMG! Smutfest but also super cute. Another “I hate everyone but you” version of Ben I fell in love with. Loved this!

Incognito - Coworkers AU - Complete - Rated E - 30k

“Somehow Rey’s coworkers find out about her Daddy kink. They all kink shame her for it, except her coworker Ben. He has something else in mind.”

This was so funny! Ben and Rey were so cute, and I love Finn and Rose in this too! This was great!

A Home For Christmas - Single Parent, Sugar Daddy AU - Complete - Rated E - 109k

Rey is a struggling single mother who needs to do right by her daughter, even if it means she needs to steal. Ben is sad and lonely, recently divorced for the second time. When Rey's daughter picks him to help her find her mom, their paths cross and their Christmas becomes a little more bright.

This was so freaking cute OMG!! I know I say that a lot, but this was so adorable! I loved Ben and Rey so much, but Nova was obviously the star of the show. I cannot recommend this enough!

Unsuppressed - Office, A/B/O AU - Complete - Rated E - 49k

Rey had only ever encountered two Alphas in her entire life that had been unsuppressed. And now this third one that stunk up the entire building. Not that it stunk, his scent. In fact, it was the most delicious thing Rey had ever smelled. ///////////////////////////////////// Ben Solo closed his eyes as he rode down the elevator from the 40th floor to the lobby, trying not to reach up to his glands to scratch them. Somehow, it felt like he always caught the elevator that was dripping in the Omega’s scent. The one that wandered around the building without any suppressants. The one that smelled better than any Omega he had ever smelled before.

STRAIGHT FLUFF AND SMUT OMFG!!! I loved this so freaking much! This was whatever the opposite of unresolved sexual tension and slow burn. Like Ben and Rey tried to make this a slow burn but they could not keep their hands off of each other. I loved this!

Sunshine and Gunpowder - Hitman, Surprise Parents AU - Complete - Rated E - 48k

She’s a teacher who would do anything to protect her student. He’s a glorified hitman with a heart of black gold.

Together, they make up odd halves of a beautiful whole.

THIS WAS SO CUTE!! Like, yes, I know Ben is a hitman, but when I tell you he was the softest hit man I have ever read, Temiri was so cute in this! I loved Ben and Rey, and their UST made me love them even more. Han and Leia are also hilarious in this!

It Takes a Village - A/B/O, Surprise Parents AU - Complete - Rated E - 40k

Who knew that all it would take for Rey Johnson to interact with her enigmatic Alpha neighbor without wanting to melt into a puddle of hormones was a baby being abandoned at her doorstep?

Not her. That was for sure.

THIS IS THE CUTEST ONE YET! I REREAD THIS QUITE OFTEN! LIKE AHHHHHHH SO FREAKING FLUFFY! NOT EVEN A WHISPER OF ANGST AND A LOT OF SMUT I LOVED THIS SO FREAKING MUCH AHHHH! AND THE EPILOGUE MADE ME CRY!

Sensual Storytime - Office AU - Complete - Rated E - 23k

When Rey Johnson starts a new job, her initially antagonistic relationship with Ben Solo from IT turns into friendship... and maybe something more.

Little does she know he also moonlights as Kylo Ren, the creator of her favorite audio erotica. One day at the office, worlds collide, and she realizes the sweater vest-wearing nerd of her dreams is also the tattooed fantasy man she listens to while getting off every night...

THIS IS MY FAVORITE REYLO FIC EVER. I RECOMMEND THIS TO PEOPLE WHO DON’T EVEN LIKE STAR WARS! THIS IS COWORKER BANTER LIKE NO OTHER. AND THE SMUT ? UNPARALLELED. READ THIS NOW!

That is all I have time for right now, but I’ll make another list later if anyone would like that! Please take care of yourself and have a great day!

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rinharu-purple · 4 years ago

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Hi, nice to meet you!

As a fellow Gavin stan, I found your analysis quite interesting and I'm very happy that someone finally understand the other side of our ginkgo boy... Idk whether you play in CN server or MLQC. I'm just curious, what do you think of Gavin in S2? Because I hear that everything is gonna be different. Also, the latest main story in CN server--do you think the story will be more angst?

Thank youu..

Waiting for more analyzes from you ❤

Dear Anon,

Thank you very much for your kind words and I’m also happy to meet you ^_^

Please excuse my belated answer. I waited specifically for cheri’s translation of the S2 CH11, so that I could give you a worthy answer <3

I play MLQC, because I don’t understand Chinese (yet), so I am following @cheri-translates on a daily basis for the season 2 material. (Thank you cheri, you’re the best! (ɔˆ ³(ˆ⌣ˆc) )

From what we get so far, Gavin shows some differences in his aura and character in S2 due to two main reasons:

1) He didn’t have the extreme teenage drama from S1 (except for his mother’s passing)

2) He and MC were companions during high school, so their relationship has a healthier fundament.

The events of the second season take place in a “parallel universe”, therefore MC’s relationships vary from those in S1. But also the Loveland City they are in is a different one, with different players but also different villains. So things DO change in S2 in general.

What do I think about Gavin in S2?

I - AM - IN - LOOOOOOOVVVEEEE - WITH - HIM!!! <3 <3 <3

Gavin was the main reason I watched the anime and downloaded the game in the first place. He was a very caring, understanding, talented and *ehm extremely good looking guy. He still is btw. This guy has a very big heart and is the most human among all LIs if you ask me. But sometimes I had the feeling in S1, that he wasn’t reaching to his full potential. His love for MC was at times awkward, mainly because he doubted himself a lot and was underestimating himself in many topics with regards to MC. His past with his father and brother was also weighting on him big time. Thus affecting his actions to a great extent. Gavin’s potential was bound by ball and chains and he didn’t seem to be able to free himself from them. And yet, he was a resilient guy, who made peace with his past, always finding the love&faith in his heart and following his own path. Those unnecessary insecurities caused by his experiences were Gav-babe’s downside in S1.

In the second season, we meet a very self confident Gavin who doesn’t get worked up in front of MC easily, let alone shy away from her. On the contrary, Gavin is teasing MC shamelessly and even toys around with her as he lets her hover over the ocean. Would you ever think that S1 Gavin would dare to do that? :D He interrogates her just for the kicks even though he doesn’t suspect her one bit, or asks her if he should detain her, since she looked like she was asking for it (I really recommend you to read the scene in CH11). Gavin is carefree towards MC and this makes him unbelievably attractive. Sure, I was surprised at first as I saw him immobilizing MC after meeting her for the first time after many years and was afraid, that he would be hostile towards her. Thankfully, this wasn’t the case...so far.

In S1, Gavin and MC were already in a harmonious relationship and were moving forward side by side gradually. But they were also having difficulties in terms of protecting each other from harm’s way and hiding their dangerous missions or wounds from each other. Which didn’t go along with a healthy relationship, even though they came a long way by the end of the S1. Plus, their positions weren’t even equal in respect of being a couple since Gavin was quite the simp and was insecure at times about his interactions with the MC. There was a teenage Gavin in him, who was telling him that he wasn’t good enough for her, that he is useless, that he is worthless. Therefore he always had his gloves on, so the speak.

These insecurities are downed to a minimum in S2 and Gavin no longer has the self loathing inner thoughts, so it feels as though, he is the real Gavin. The Gavin who he could be, he should be. Up to this point (S2 CH11). I feel like we are watching a Gavin who’s reached, or is reaching, to his full potential.

In S2, we see him co-operating with MC right from the beginning with little reluctance at first, which is natural since -you know- they are working for the opposing sides. But then we saw in CH11, that they make one hell of a team! In all honesty, Gavin and MC don’t even need to talk to each other to understand what the other thinks. We witnessed many times in S1 when they were thinking/saying/doing the same thing at the same time. But this time, they are aware of the fact that they can see through each other without words. Moreover, they banter with each other by calling one another out. Which is mostly Gavin calling her out btw. This almost flirt-like sweet bantering makes their interaction all the more titillating to me. The chemistry between them is very evident and Papergames makes sure to let us producers know, the attraction is mutual and on equal grounds. Maybe its only my opinion, but I find S2 Gavin way more sexier than the Version 1.0. But its probably because I find self-confidence to be the sexiest trait a person can have.

On a side note, Gavin also doesn’t display jealousy as in S1 and I believe this also has to do with his self confidence. Jealousy is an emotion which arouses from lack of self-confidence and trust. And the level of trust Gavin and MC share in S2 is off the charts, dare I claim.

One might even say, that the tables have turned in S2. MC has her memories from S1 whereas Gavin has started having flashbacks or dreams about their past just recently. Because of that MC already carries her romantic feelings from S1, she is the one with denser emotions in the new chapters and is rather insecure in front of Gavin. Thus making herself vulnerable for his “toying sessions”. Gavin on the other hand is beginning to explore his heart’s desires towards MC only piece by piece. He cares a great deal about her and is drawn to her inevitably, but can’t quite put his finger on it. His body and soul is already reacting to her, but his mind is a little bit slow on this front. But as stated in R&S “Inevitable”, his heart is destined to get drawn to hers.

Whether the story is going to get angstier...Let’s not fool ourselves, Papergames has the word angst in block letters carved in marble in their office. So yeah, I am pretty sure that the story is going to get angstier. But I haven’t seen anything as angsty as in S1 CH13, 14, 15, 18. Those chapters were really hard to read, but let’s wait and see.

Another important point about Gavin’s character in S2 is related to his position. He is now the Commander of the STF and therefore carries a heavier responsibility than in S1. We see in every chapter how strategically he is acting and picking the best option in which nobody gets hurt. He is still a maverick and does things in his own way and yet he is now well aware of the fact that each of his actions are affecting great numbers of people. With his subordinates he shares special bonds all the while keeping them disciplined and whatever he does, he prioritizes everybody’s safety equally (only with MC as an exception). Of course, this was one of his strengths also in S1, but in S2, he can have a bigger impact, since he has more resources to do so. He has become the perfect leader.

Which can be tied to his balanced temper. In S1 there were times, where Gavin wasn’t able to control his Evol and caused mayhem. We haven’t seen any uproar like this in S1 so far. Gavin is in control of his Evol, his emotions and his blushes...hih...well... almost. But he certainly blushes much less in S2.

So to sum it up, yes, Gavin is different in S2, but in all the good ways and I couldn’t find anything that goes in the wrong direction so far. We have a more mature, confident and experienced Gavin in S2 and I can simply say:

AMEN

I hope my answers can help you with your questions and you can always feel free the contact me if you have any questions...be it anonymously or not.

Have a nice weekend dear anon! d=(´▽｀)=b

#mlqc #mlqc gavin #mlqc haku #mlqc bai qi #mlqc baek gi #mr love queen's choice #Mlqc answers #Season 2 Gavin #Season 2

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alliterative-albatross · 4 years ago

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So, I sent you (@disgruntledspacedad) a pretty long ask a while ago (back when you had anon on) and I'm decently sure Tumblr ate it (or maybe you ignored it, in which case, feel free to ignore this one as well). But then I saw one of those "writers appreciate feedback no matter how long" posts, so I'm back here. Here is my mediocre attempt to rewrite my original review of your work. Bear in mind that English is not my first language, so if at any point my phrasing sounds weird to you, you know why. Mandatory disclaimer/apology: this might get a little too long 😅

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

I remember being SO mad at myself for not finding this sooner. I binge read it one afternoon with no thoughts for any real life responsibilities I might have had (and no regrets). Javiears is one hell of an unconventional relationship in the beginning, and I really love what you did with them. The whole premise of your story is quite refreshing, and you somehow manage to convey the trust and mutual respect there two feel for one another without explicitly showing us the beginning of their "entanglement".

Also, fuck you for what you did to poor Emilio, that man was a saint and he deserved better! I honestly can't believe that I got so attached to a character that appeared so little in the story, but it happened, and his death kind of broke my heart.

But the Javiears reunion + mild confession was lovely, and felt completely deserved. And of course the sex scene. I won't lie, I expected a bit better from Javi there, but I did like how utterly /human/ it was. Capturing that humanity, the imperfections in each character is something you're really good at (more on that later).

AFTERSHOCKS

Ah, my emotionally constipated babies who really need to work out their communication issues. I do love them, though. And this short series did a really good job of delving a bit deeper into Ears's and Javi's psyche. Kudos to you for dealing with the medical "aftershocks" of living through an explosion AND using that experience to move your emotional plot forward. These two need to grow a lot before they can get to a stable point in their relationship, and you really manage to convey their insecurity and fear of commitment/intimacy while making it clear that they're in it for the long run and that theirs is a relationship that WILL work out so help them God.

IF I FALL

Ouch. Punch me in the gut while you're at it, why don't you?

But seriously, "If I Fall" is SO FUCKING GOOD. Don't get me wrong, it's angstier than an image of Jesus on the cross (don't judge me, it's Holy Week and I just got home from accompanying my grandma to church), but it somehow works beautifully. You, my dear, play heartstrings like they're a fucking guitar and I AM HERE FOR IT.

You're doing an amazing job at making me feel everything these characters are feeling, which is both awful (bc pain) and impressive.

Also, if anything happens to Ana I will cry, because she is adorable and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Also also, if anything happens to Ears I will cry, because she is badass and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Also also also, if anything happens to Javi I will cry, because he is loving and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Basically, I am really invested in the well-being of these characters and can't wait until they're happy and safe again (please tell me they will be, my heart can't handle much more pain).

A quick note on the angst complaints: yes, this story is way angstier than most other fics out there and it can be a bit too much at times, especially considering how many chapters of pain it's been. BUT it's obvious that "If I Fall" NEEDS this amount of angst to get where it's going, to send the message it wants to and to properly develop its characters. The pain is as important to this story as flour is to bread. You may not like eating flour on its own (I don't think anyone does), but you love bread (because bread is amazing) and you must recognize that bread NEEDS flour to work. It wouldn't be bread otherwise. And eating the flour as part of the bread even makes you like the flour because the bread is just DELICIOUS.

I fully understand and sympathize with the people who have elected to table "If I Fall" until it's completed so they can binge read it knowing there's a happy ending in sight, but in case you're feeling a bit self conscious about all the angst, please know that your story is beautiful not in spite of the pain, but rather /because of it/.

PS: No, I'm not high/drunk, I just really like bread

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Silly thing to comment on, I know, but I do feel like it's important that you know how useful your ANs have been. There are many details in the story that I simply wouldn't fully get without reading your comments at the end of each chapter, and I appreciate your writing a hell of a lot more knowing how deeply you understand and care for each one of your characters. Plus, it is obvious how much work you've put into researching a country and a time period that are (from what I gather) unfamiliar to you, and I really do believe you've done an amazing job of it.

JAVIER PEÑA

My boy. I love your characterization of this complicated character, and I have eagerly read each and every one of your headcanons about him. I can't really say if your version is fully faithful to the source material because it's been a while since I saw Narcos, but your Javi most definitely reads like a real person. He's fairly consistent as a character, and I feel like everything he does is perfectly natural for him to do as a character. He makes for an unconventional yet deeply interesting romantic lead, and so far I have thoroughly enjoyed all his POV chapters/scenes.

OCs

I know you've gotten some flack for making her into an OC halfway into the story, and while I get why the sudden change may have felt like a disappointment for some, I don't share that sentiment. I firmly believe that this fandom is unfairly harsh towards Original Characters and their creators, and I don't really understand why. Listen, I love Reader fics, and consume many Reader fics. I have read dozens, maybe even hundreds, and I can safely say that I've only ever "inserted" myself in approximately 10% of those stories. Reader characters are not as blank as their writers may want them to be. They can't be. They're characters, and character have personalities and moral values and senses of humor and a bunch of other things. Reader characters may not have a backstory or a physical description attached (and even that's not guaranteed), but they're still characters.

And on a more personal note, pretending they're actual blank slates is naive at best and insensitive at worst. Reader characters are American coded 99% of the time, and white coded 95% of the time. Not every readers is white nor American, even if that's the predominant demographic on Tumblr. When I read a JavixReader fic about a woman who speaks exactly zero Spanish, I know she's not me. The story may be beautifully written and have an amazing plot and character development, but the Reader *isn't me*. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and some of my favorite xReader stories feature a "reader" who couldn't be more different from me, but it's something that enemies of OC fics should take into account. Particularly if they are white and/or American. But I digress.

HANNAH AARONS

Your character is amazing. She's strong, smart, confident, independent and an all-around badass. She gets kidnapped while pregnant and still focuses on problem solving and survival. But she's also overly guarded and mistrustful, and really needs to work on her communication skills. There are times when I absolutely love her and even admire her, and other times when I want to whack her with a slipper. She's no Mary Sue, but remains interesting and likeable throughout the story. She feels wholly human and real, and that's no easy task. I like her, I am invested in her, and I can't wait to see what's next for her. She's a compelling and three dimensional protagonist in a complex story who never fails to draw me in. I love her. She's your baby, and you should be proud of her.

Also, quick question about personality types: I know you've typed Javi as ESFP and Ears as ENTP (100% agree on both, btw), but have you given any thought to their enneagram types? I personally have always seen Ears as being somewhere on the thinking triad, maybe a 7 or even a 6w7, but I'm not too sure about Javi. 9w8 maybe? He could also be a 6w5 🤔

PARTING THOUGHTS

Basically, I love your story, your characters and your writing in general. You are a fantastic storyteller and wordsmith. You get into the heads of incredibly different characters personality-wise (Ears, Javi, Berna...) and manage to capture all of their complexities and quirks every single time. And it doesn't feel like it's something innate for you either. To me, it seems that you have put a lot of work and effort into understanding each and every one of your characters, who they are, why they do what they do and what they want. And let me tell you, all that effort has been more than worth it. "Better Love" is a fanfic, but it wouldn't be out of place in a regular bookstore, if I'm honest. I don't know what you do for a living or if you've ever considered writing professionally, but you clearly have the skills and the drive to create some masterpieces.

You are amazing and your writing is a gift. Thank you for sharing it with us, and have a nice day! ~ 🍪

My friend, I apologize for hoarding your first ask. I’ve been sitting on it because I’m not gonna lie, I enjoy going back and rereading it. It gave me a lot of comfort when I was in a pretty dark place, both personally and in regards to my writing, and I was reluctant to send it out into the the abyss of Tumblr where I might never see it again.

That’s not fair, though. You put just as much effort into sending me that review as I put into my writing, and I apologize for never responding to you.

Okay, anyway, so twice now, you’ve made me cry. In a good way, I promise!

I absolutely love your bread/flour metaphor. It made perfect sense. I want the emotional release of Javi and Hannah’s reunion to be earned, and in order to do that, the angst has to come first (there are also a few plot “ingredients” that have yet to make their appearances). Thank you very much for understanding that, and for voicing it so eloquently.

I appreciate your comments on my research and characterization. You’re correct that I’ve put a lot of time and effort into crafting a universe. In a lot of ways, I’m doing my best to stay true to the source material (regarding culture and timelines in particular), and in others, I’m branching into my own territory.

On that note, I’ve never once regretted fully embracing Hannah Aarons’ identity as an OC. She’s stayed consistent in my mind from the beginning, and it was a relief to finally share my vision of her with the audience. And for the record, I totally agree with you regarding “reader” characters. Every reader insert echoes the perspective of their author, no matter how vague the physical description. I can only imagine how grating that must be from the perspective of a non-white, non-american reader. Thank you so much for sharing your insight! I will certainly keep it in mind the next time I write a “reader insert” fic.

Okay, enneagrams! I am much less familiar with enneagram than I am MBTI, but I agree 110% that Javi is a 9 with a strong 8 wing. I waffled back and forth on Ears a little, but eventually landed on 8w7 for her. It came down to the eight’s deepest fear, which is being controlled. That’s Ears all over, and the fact that she and Javi share that eight willfulness means that they might butt heads a little, which also seems very appropriate for them. Big thanks to @remusstark for her insight into the eight frame of mind - our conversations helped solidify my decision on this. :)

Anyway, I’m just rambling now. The big take-away point that I want you to get is that I am so, so grateful to you, both for your insightful feedback and your dedication in making sure that I actually saw it. You are an absolute gem and a deep thinker, Cookie-Anon, and if you ever feel like sliding into my DM’s, I’d welcome the opportunity to get to know you better.

Mad love and soft hugs,

~ Jay

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greytoiletpaper · 4 years ago

Text

Out on Allen Street, it’s 7 in the Morning

Set in the same-ish Street Siblings universe as First Contact by @cryptids-and-muses and @a-sketchy-character @streetsiblings (they’re awesome), I present my own built-on concept. It’s a bit angstier but sue me I’m an angst ball

AO3 | Deluge

Chapter 1: Drizzle

Jason Todd loved the rain. He remembered it pattering on the roof as he dozed off into the night, curled up with Sparky. Times spent splashing in puddles. Drawing a rare smile from Catherine as bright as the morning sun. Days without Willis, his head stuck in a worn copy of Huckleberry Finn and the ambience set only by the rain as it tracked ran down the window he leant on.

It was raining when Jason woke to his mother’s lax corpse, ears drowning out every sound except the rain’s as it plinked in time with the droplets that dripped down her arm.

In front of her, Faizul’s corpse is still. So still that Cassandra Cain can almost block out how the man’s body only radiated pain and fear and agony so strong-and-she-did-that-with-her-hands-her-hands-so-red-and-.

But she can’t, her head is still drowning in the memory, and all she can think about is the fear emptiness that settles in her body. Her gift to understand movement as if it were a language, she learns, is nothing more than a curse when Death comes by her hand. She wrings her red fist, as tainted as her soul because of what she had done. She looks away.

Father David has his arms outstretched, a smile so sharp and so bright that if he were any other man, she would have thought he was proud. He is, but underneath, Cassandra can see nothing but sick and profound glee at what she can do. The decision is easy.

As Cassandra springs out the window, its hinges blew wide open, her father David keeled over, the sky crackles and runs with the long red rivulets off her arms.

Now, five months later, Jason ducks his head under the fire escape in an empty alley, the rain in a duet with the nightlife of Gotham. He allows himself some respite as it steadily washes the grime off his surroundings, a pleasant ratatatata above the ambient din that is the dark of Gotham. He is so tired, but he’ll have to move soon if he wants to stay out of sight of kidnappers and killers and whatever else haunts the shadows of Gotham.

A howl slices through the Gotham night as some mug gets his face slammed into a wall. Jason knows this because he can see it right now as the same mook gets decked by a – a girl. Anyone on the streets knows that girls can hold their own but seeing some thirty-something-year-old man get his ass handed to him by a pixie of a girl – he thinks she’s his age, somehow – is something else. Seriously, the guy looks terrified out of his mind as he runs with his tail between his legs after a particularly nasty hit to his crotch.

As if sensing his gaze, the girl snaps her head to him, locking him in place.

“Uh… Hi?” Jason raises his hand in an awkward wave which the girl mimics, albeit a bit stilted, her head on a tilt. The silence between the two of them stretches until the girl seems to see something in him and nods. Out of ideas, Jason digs around his bag and produces a fresh enough apple.

“I’m Jason.” He points to himself.

A beat, and then the girl repeats the gesture.

“Cuh, cuh, cuh,” She struggles with the words, her forehead pinched. “Cuh, ah, ssss.”

“Cass?” The girl nods again, this time rigorously. Unsure of himself, Jason raises the apple to her. “Well, nice to meet you, Cass. You hungry?”

Cass grins, her eyes twinkling as she bites into the apple. Around them, the rain lessens. Just a little.

She watches two of her most precious children draw closer, children who will laugh and cry and burn for her love. Gotham watches them come, raises her arms, and weeps with her joy.

“Jason and Cassandra against the world,” Is what Gotham would have said if she had a voice. For years, the city is content to watch her children. She observes Jason and Cassandra as they starve, as they fight, as they grow. On one night, the weather nothing but pluvial, she witnesses them come across the strange car in the alleyway owned by her first child. On that night, she watches as the Dark Knight comes across her most perfect pair of children.

“Cassandra,” She looks up at the man they had been living under for the past two months, Bruce. She makes no answer, only staring blankly at him–they were betting on seeing how long it took for the man to get uncomfortable when she does that–who stares back. He continues as if they had not been staring for a full minute, which is not to Cass’ benefit. “Do you know where Jason is?”

Cass, willing to keep trying, keeps her gaze unrepentant. Under her scrutiny, the Dark Knight’s demeanour finally cracks a little. Internally, Cass is ecstatic, but she still really wants to milk it as she keeps up the act.

“Someone call for me?” Jay comes down the stairs. Finally, Cass can break her façade.

“Good morning, slob.” The slob, honest to god, freezes.

“No,” He grinds out of his teeth.

“Yes,” Cass gives him a crooked smile. “slob.”

“Am I missing something here?” Bruce is frowning. Oh right, he was ignorant to their scheme.

“Slob,” Cass repeats with feeling and delights at Jay’s fuming. “S-L-O-B. It means Stupid-Loser-Of-Bets,” She looks Jay dead in the eye again and calls him by the name.

Bruce frowned even further (his body projects such honest confusion that Cass almost laughs). “I was not aware you two had made a bet.”

“A bet I lost because of you, old man!” Jay pipes up, suddenly fuming at Bruce. “You’re Batman, and you can’t even keep from cracking when some girl stares at you for longer than a minute?”

Cass does not hold in her laughter anymore, something she broadcasts to all gathered. Bruce sighs, but at least he waits for her to calm down before he gets to his point.

“Regardless… I need you two to come with me to my office,” As the man leaves, the two share a glance.

“You gonna go after him?”

“You first, slob,” Jay grumbles the entire way to the office, where Bruce waves them in.

For a few seconds, the man awkwardly shifts before he pulls a sheaf of papers from behind his desk.

“I… I quite enjoy having the two of you here. With me,” Bruce admits, looking both of them in the eyes. He takes a deep breath. “I do not want to force this on either of you, but I would love to have you here with me for longer.”

“Permanently, even.”

Bruce lays out the papers on the desk, ‘Adoption Applications’ printed at the top. The letters draw a sharp breath from Jay, and Cass is confident enough with reading to understand what it means.

“Yes,” They both say immediately, and Bruce’s face goes softer than either have ever seen it.

When he asks for their surnames, Cass thinks about saying Cain. Instead, she says Todd.

Shyly, her russet orbs meet his azure ones expecting anger, but everything about Jason only projects love and acceptance. Her grin, something she had not got right yet, is almost identical to the one her brother wears.

“Always wanted a sister. Can’t do much better than you, eh, Cass?”

“Yes Jay,” she pauses. “slob.”

Outside, the sky is open in a light drizzle.

If there is anyone in the Waynes that Jason thinks is his favourite, it would be Alfred. An opinion he thinks Cass would be hard-pressed to disagree with. Of course, Cass is still in awe about the fact that Bruce Wayne is Batman (and isn’t that just fucking crazy), so it’s understandable. Conversely, Jason still remembers his first memory of the butler, a kind smile and welcoming arms that promised care for both of them.

“Master Jason,” The boy had looked up to see a crinkle in Alfred’s eyes that he had only ever seen from Catherine. The butler continued, somehow even softer than his usual. “Would you like me to fix that for you?”

Alfred gestured to Jason’s battered copy of Huckleberry Finn that he had cradled self-consciously to his chest. He refused, unsure why the butler seemed to be delighted to see Jason in the way only Cass and his Mom did. But there is something so trustworthy about the man that part of Jason is sure Alfred would do things like that no matter what he asked. So, automatic favourite.

Their older brother, Dick (“Aptly nicknamed,” Jay mutters under his breath.), yells whenever he comes to the manor. Most of his visits tend to cycle between him screaming at Bruce or yelling about them. He does make an effort to be a little quieter when he’s talking about the latter. Although, he still looks at Jay with an indecipherable mixture of emotions in his eyes. A pool caught between anger and something unknown to them. It’s not something that upsets Cass, but it puts both of them off, nonetheless.

On the other hand, Barbara is a little more forward in her dislike of the new kids. More often than not, her ire seems aimed at Cass specifically. Privately, Cass thinks Barbara was still angry about Bruce taking her role as Batgirl and giving it to Cass. But, she can see how every time the older girl gets less hostile, another part of her body was long past the role anyway. So, she doesn’t hold it against Oracle.

“C’mon Cass, repeat after me,” Jason waves the pages in Cass’ face, which elicits a giggle from his sister. Her giggling unbalances the both of them, so they have to waste another couple of minutes to make themselves comfortable again.

“What’s the use you learning to do right when it’s troublesome to do right and ain’t no trouble to do wrong, and the wages is just the same?”

Cass repeats the words, but she struggles at ‘troublesome’, so Jason repeats it for her. Silence, and then.

“What mean?” He thinks she isn’t asking about the word.

“Well, Mom used to say that it was just that. It might be harder to do the right thing, but it’d be better since you at least did it properly,” Satisfied, his sister merely nods and tries the words again. This time, she only takes three tries until she gets ‘troublesome’ right.

“I think she would have liked you,” He murmurs between phrases and instantly regrets it when Cass’ head turns to him so sharply she jostles him. He is about to brush it off when she nods her head shyly, snuggling closer to Jason.

He thinks, as they keep reading, that things are going to turn out alright. He has Robin now, and Robin gives him magic. Not only that but he’s also got Cass as Batgirl. Sure, she has that weird stitch mask covering her face, but it’s so fitting that he cannot imagine Cass with any other kind of costume. He knows her, and she knows him. For years she has been the sister he never knew he needed.

Together, Jason muses, they’re going to shake the whole damn world.

Whether they're from the Justice League or otherwise, everyone is always ready with a snide comment directed towards them. Or, more specifically, Jason. They use words and insults that don’t make sense to her, but she can see them affect her brother. When she asks, all he does is brush her off with lies and platitudes that they both know are fake. It isn’t until Troia huffs and says something that has waves of hurt rolling off Jason’s body that Cass decides she’s had enough.

“Honestly, I can’t believe you’d think you’d ever be like – ow!” Troia, poise flooded with nothing but condescension (she’s too angry to be elated at remembering a word Jason taught her) that Cass quickly corrects with a sharp jab. Like a deer in headlights, she turns and somehow has the gall to look indignant (another word). “Who did – Batgirl?”

“What, are you doing?” Troia fucking blinks. “Why are you treating my brother like this?”

She doesn’t even look guilty.

“Oh, don’t worry about all that. I don’t think it’s anything you’d understand anyway,”

She bends down towards her, apparently not noticing how still she is. Anyone who knows anything about Cassandra Todd knows her stillness means Death. Evidently, Troia is an exception. She's the only one in the room that's relaxed.

“Some people are simply born for this role. No street rat can ever hope to achieve that.”

Cassandra moves before anyone even blinks, her arms a flurry of jabs and punches and vicious kicks as she catches Troia off guard. Even when she finally regains her footing, the Amazon doesn't stand a sliver of a chance as Cassandra lays into her.

A block from Troia awards a savage stomp on her shin. A punch ducked under and followed through into a sequence of blows to the Amazon’s chest. When Troia grips her lasso and tries to restrain Cassandra, the girl only slinks her way past and wrestles it from her hands. Quickly and efficiently, she wraps it around the Amazon’s waist and pulls. For someone so small, Cassandra manages to lift Troia with the lasso with enough strength that when she releases it, the Amazon goes flying into a pillar in the Watchtower with a sharp crack.

Cass picks up her brother and shields him from the Leaguers, indifferent to their shocked and judgemental eyes.

The message is clear.

Even though they’re lost in a veritable sea of people, it still ends up being just the two of them, and Cass is more than okay with that.

Next chapter

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deedee-sims · 4 years ago

Note

Aaaand the movie scene from chapter 5, please! :D

This ended up angstier than I intended lol

Warnings: burnt popcorn, more pining(?)

"C'mon Justice Llama, you can do it!" I mumble, after shoving a handful of popcorn into my mouth. Of course he'll win, but still. It's an exciting movie for the fourth time as well!

As I reach to grab some more popcorn, my fingers accidentally brush Olls'. Okay, maybe it's not that accidental, and I'm just trying to find excuses to touch him.

I should get over him. Ugh. I will, tomorrow.

"Okay, the rest is mine," I claim, and lift the bowl of popcorn away from him. He purses his lips, grunting. Not gonna lie, I enjoy teasing him.

To my surprise, he reaches after the bowl, climbing on top of me.

I watch him from below, feeling his warm hand on my shoulder, his weight on top of me. Okay, that's kinda hot.

During my distraction, he manages to get a hold of the bowl, but I pull it out of his hand.

Well, this was a mistake.

He starts to fall, but I manage to grab him right before he faceplants the couch. Though, somewhere during this, I end up on the ground.

And I hear the bowl landing near me.

"Fuck."

"Are you okay?" he asks, looking down at me with a worried expression.

"Yeah, but the popcorn's dead," I pout dramatically.

"It was burnt anyway."

The audience! "Hey! It was just a bit darker than usual, is all!"

He rolls his eyes. "Obviously."

I'm offended. I poke his leg.

"Well, if you didn’t like it, why did you want to grab it?

"I didn’t say I didn’t like it. I just noticed that it had a slightly burnt aftertaste."

"Oh, sorry, I forgot you’re a gourmet," I grin, and he laughs, and I can't take my eyes off of him.

I'll get over him. Tomorrow.

"You're going to sweep it up!" I announce, slapping his leg an an emphasis, then run towards my room.

"Hey!" he shouts after me, and I look back, grinning. "You brought this popcorn on us, so you’re going to sweep it up!"

"Am not. You owe me one for criticizing its taste, so you clean it up as an apology!"

He scrunches his face. Is there any expression of his that's not cute? "I give no apologies. Is it really that hard for you to sweep it up?" he grunts.

"Yes!"

"Okay," he sighs, defeated. "I'm going to sweep it up like a responsible adult."

Ouch. "Hey, I'm responsible too! I'll sweep it up then!"

"Too late. I’m sweeping." He walks to the broom, huffing, but when he turns back, I jump in front of him.

"No. I'm sweeping!" With that, I grab the broom.

I could easily take it from him, but I kinda enjoy seeing the struggle on his face. I wonder what faces he would make... no, I'm not wondering about that.

"Let - it - go," he groans, and leans back, using all his strength.

I scrunch my face for the show.

Then we look at each other's eyes at the same time, and I can't contain my laughter anymore. He also starts laughing, cheeks getting a little pink. I look at the broom between us, and it's so ridiculous, but it feels nice.

"So," I start, "can I finally sweep it up? Or should we mount this broom and fly into the sun?"

"It doesn’t sound like a very safe way of traveling." Because of course he has to be a smartass about everything.

I pull the broom to my chest. "You’re hurting its feelings!"

"You almost broke it, and now I’m hurting it?"

"Emotional pain exists, okay?"

"I know."

He becomes serious all of a sudden, and I just stare at his pretty blue eyes, and I feel like they stare back right to my soul.

I force myself to look away. "Um, right, I'm sweeping."

"And I'll wash this bowl."

And we do just that. And I won't think about kissing him. From tomorrow.

#episims #story +1 #+1 alt pov

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foxymoxynoona · 3 years ago

Note

Processing this chapter of Flux... I feel like JK doesn't get it yet. What love takes. Not fully. And Sasha has experienced so much: Every mixed signal or frustration from him is overblown to the worst possible scenario in her head.

It's coming. And it's gonna be bad. Ugh, I spent this whole chapter cringing. (In a good way? Idk your writing hurts so good.)

Am I too biased to say I think JK is kind of bears the brunt of the blame for communication fails at the moment? He's expecting this exact Sasha he wants at certain times when he's available but like...JK, that ain't how people work... and then he's not upfront about what he wants in the moment or annoyed later at her for acting differently than he would like. Granted Sasha has her own issues and triggers she's not telling JK about, but also he's too inexperienced to pick up on the trails she's leaving behind that a more experienced partner might pick up and say, "Let's work on this together" or "Why did you react to that in x way?" I cannot blame him for his naiveté any more than I can blame her for her perspective shaded by her dark past but it's also painfully sad and frustrating because I know its leading somewhere where they might need to call a break for a bit. 😬 Foxy, you told no lies when you said "The fluff gets fluffier, the angst gets angstier, everyone will suffer."

True story.

🎉

I'm so pleased you're still thinking about it haha. I think you aren't alone, the comments on ao3 are nervous and pretty quiet.

I think you have a good observation though about JK's understanding of love. He still has a very dreamy, romantic view of love. It's not experienced. He probably thinks he's "done the work" so to speak, but he doesn't really yet have a sense of getting through relationships when things aren't going great but you still love each other, or when the stressors are from within the relationship rather than an external thing you can unite against.

Not that Sasha's view of "relationship as sacrifice" is actually great either. She takes the work part of it too far, like she's trying to shelter him from having to actually do anything.

I love the cringe. I think it's harder to write something that's the good kind of cringe ( you know, intentional cringe, instead of something is just so bad) so I take that is HIGHLY flattering 😁

#🎉anon #asks #flux

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drawlfoy · 5 years ago

Text

Accio Malfoy

masterlist request guidelines (please read if you request!) requests are open!

stole the gif from @dracomalfoyedit so give them creds for draco’s pretty face

pairing: draco x slytherintransfer!reader

request: yes! you know who you are :)

summary: reader transfers into hogwarts and is sorted into slytherin. draco malfoy is the bane of her existence until suddenly he’s not

warnings: language because uh...you know who i am haha

a/n: i’m a little sorry for making this so similar to faux diplomacy, but honestly idk if i’m ever gonna finish that one and if i do it’s gonna be way different and way angstier. here’s something to hold my american/non uk readers off with until i get the next chapter of that out haha

music recs: the night we met - lord huron

word count: 5,293

tags! @accio-rogers @geeksareunique

Y/N had never felt as out of place as she did standing with the first years in the Great Hall, each of them eagerly awaiting their sorting. She easily had at least a foot on the tallest child there--but then again, they didn’t use feet here as a unit of measurement. They used...meters? Centimeters? She had no clue, but whatever it was, it was confusing.

Yet another reason why she didn’t want to be at Hogwarts. Her father was so thrilled when he told her that they’d be moving to the UK for...well, the rest of her schooling. He’d forever thought that Ilvermorny lacked the intimate education she needed with thousands of students attending and jumped on the first job opening at the British Ministry of Magic.

Was she mad? Yes, of course. She was already missing her friends terribly and felt so awkward standing with a bunch of children. Y/N didn’t have to look to know that everyone’s eyes were on her, wondering why there was an immensely overgrown 11 year old in their midst.

But was she going to make the best out of it? Yeah, probably.

A tall, elderly man with a scraggly white beard stepped up onto the podium, tapping his throat with his wand to amplify his speech. “Welcome back, fellow students of Hogwarts, and a very special welcome to our newest additions.” He tilted his head down to acknowledge the gaggle of children at his feet. “You all may notice that we have an especially interesting newcomer here tonight. Hogwarts is pleased to welcome its arms to our first Ilvermorny transfer student in over a century...a Miss Y/N Y/L/N!”

Grandly gesturing towards Y/N, he beamed down at her and and raised his free hand as if to request applause. The studentry obeyed, and soon the dining hall was filled with polite clapping that echoed.

The old man, who Y/N presumed to be the headmaster, spoke for a few more moments after, musing on the beauty of international connections and what it meant to be a gracious host. She heard it, but she wasn’t really listening. All she could think of was the sorting hat and what it was going to say.

Back home, or at least what she used to call home, she was a Horned Serpent. She had no idea what that translated to at Hogwarts--perhaps she’d be a Ravenclaw? Or a Slytherin, she had heard about their unmatched ambition, but also their petulance.

Y/N didn’t even realize that everyone was waiting on her until a kind first year tugged at her sleeve and pointed up at the podium. An older witch was standing there, holding the tattered and worn hat that had to have been the Sorting Hat.

“I said, please come up and be sorted, Y/N Y/L/N.” Her accent had a pleasing lilt that Y/N wasn’t expecting.

Fighting back a blush, she dipped her head and rushed onto the elevated platform, thanking Merlin that she didn’t trip on the way up. The witch motioned to the chair in front of her, and Y/N sat down, facing the sea of students.

Everyone watched in charged silence as the hat was lowered onto her head. An overwhelming smell of hickory and old leather overpowered her...but not much else was to be expected from a relic that was centuries old.

Y/N waited for the Sorting Hat to make conversation like it was rumored to, but the second she felt it touch her hair, it made a decision.

“SLYTHERIN!”

Gasps filled the hall with the promptness of the sorting. Even the witch that had placed it on her head looked humored as Y/N got up and walked off, slightly dazed.

She was guided towards a table with an abundance of green, choosing a seat near a black haired boy who didn’t look too threatening. He looked up as she slid onto the bench next to him, sending her a mischievous grin.

“Welcome to Slytherin. I’m Theodore Nott.”

Y/N made quick friends with Theodore, or Theo, as he asked her to call him. He told her the ins and outs of the Slytherin lifestyle and told her the password for their common room.

“Why basilisk, though?” Y/N asked as they sat in the common room together. “Did something happen?”

He shrugged, a mysterious glint in his eye. “Long story. It happened a while back. There used to be a basilisk in Hogwarts, hidden somewhere far away.”

“I would hope.”

They were silent for a few moments as Y/N picked at her nail polish.

“I’ll ask Daphne to show you to your room,” Theo finally said. “And we can sit next to each other for breakfast if you’d like. Slytherin doesn’t necessarily have the friendliest people.”

Y/N smiled gratefully as she watched him flag down a strawberry blonde girl who looked about their age.

“Let me guess,” the girl said as she approached the two. “She needs someone to show her to her room?”

Theo opened his mouth, but Y/N beat him. “Yeah, is that alright?”

Daphne studied her for a few moments. Y/N could feel her passing judgements on her.

“Yes, come with me,” she said after a bit, a vague expression on her face. “Say goodbye to Theo, though. He can’t come with us. We have wards, you know.”

“I assumed so.”

Y/N stood, turning and waving a goodbye to Theo. Daphne took her by the arm and led her to the other side of the common room, down a few stairs, and to a tall, daunting looking black door.

“You can’t bring guys in here,” she said lazily. “And on that note...”

She ushered Y/N inside, shutting the door behind them and glancing around the empty corridor they had entered.

“Don’t even think about Theo.”

“I wasn’t!”

“Good, because he’s not into girls,” Daphne dutifully told her, knitting her eyebrows together.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Do you have a problem with that?”

Startled by the sudden abrasiveness, Y/N took a few steps back. “No, no, of course not. Thanks for telling me.”

Daphne’s face cracked a small smile. “I think you’ll fit in alright here, then. Just don’t mess with anyone...at least not anymore than you absolutely have to.”

Y/N grinned back. “Of course not.”

The time difference sucked. Y/N had crashed the moment she had sat down on her bed the night before, but now it was 5 in the morning and she was wide awake.

Swinging up over her bed, she noticed that her roommates, Millicent and Tracey, were both snoring softly in their blanket cocoons. She sighed, taking extra care to be quiet on her way out of the room.

Theo had told her how the common room was open at all hours, just as long as you weren’t too rowdy. No one else would be up at 5am--it’d be absurd, so she was looking forward to writing letters to her friends in peace.

The cold dungeon floor chilled the balls of her feet as she ascended the steps into the dark common room. The little light available was a soft green hue cast from the lake water on the windows. Y/N couldn’t help but wonder if the sun had even peaked over the horizon yet.

“What are you doing?” a male voice hissed from across the room. Y/N whipped around to see an unfamiliar looking blonde boy curled up on a dark green couch. His body faced the extinguished fireplace, but his head was turned to glare at her.

The dim lighting didn’t conceal his features, and Y/N was immediately stunned. The boy was unusually pretty, with high, defined cheekbones and moonbeam blonde hair. His silver irises were so bright that the darkness did nothing to hide them.

“I know the academics at Ilvermorny aren’t stellar, but they at least taught you how to speak, right?”

Y/N flushed red, grateful for the low lighting as it helped hide her embarrassment. “Uh, yeah. Sorry about that. I just wasn’t expecting to see anyone out here so early.”

The boy snorted, and Y/N took note of his cruel expression. Suddenly he seemed much less accessible. “Yeah, well, I am.” He stared at her, seemingly expecting her to do something.

Y/N took it as an invitation to walk over to his couch, sitting herself a healthy distance away from him.

“I was actually hoping you’d leave me be.” He glowered at her from the other end of the couch.

“And what, let you brood all alone? As if,” she responded, hardly missing a beat. Y/N wasted no time in rolling out her parchment to write. “I have just as much privilege to be here as you.”

She could’ve sworn that she heard him huff, but he didn’t verbally protest, so there was a start.

“You Americans really are pushy,” he sniggered after she had begun to write her first letter.

“And you Brits really are entitled daddy’s boys, huh?”

That shut him up.

“What’s your name, anyways?” Y/N paused long enough from her writing to look him in the eyes.

“Malfoy. Draco Malfoy.” His tone was stiff and unnatural, like a 12 year old boy trying on a suit for the very first time. “It’s Malfoy to you, though.”

“Draco?” Y/N giggled. “Your parents must be...uh....interesting.”

He frowned. “Malfoy to you!”

“Okay, okay. Anything to keep you from getting your panties in a twist.”

Another glance at Draco confirmed that he was very, very, irritated. “Can’t you just go antagonize your roommates or something? I was here first.”

Y/N shrugged. There was no way she was going to be able to finish her writing the prick kept talking anyways. “Sure. Don’t worry though--I’ll be back, Draco.”

She chuckled to herself as she saw his features darken, his mood clearly souring before her eyes. Following her judgement, she scampered back to her dorm room to avoid being hexed.

“I heard you met Malfoy, huh?” Theo asked Y/N, carefully buttering a piece of toast.

“Yeah, he’s a real charmer,” she snorted. “Thinking he owns the whole common room and whatnot.”

“You’ve just got to stay out of his way,” Theo said. “I don’t think he’ll give you too much trouble. You are a Slytherin, after all. He’d have to be mental to waste energy going after one of his own.”

Y/N smirked at the thought as she pushed her eggs around the plate. As much as she hated to admit it, the food at Hogwarts wasn’t half bad. Meals felt much more intimate under the soft daylight, whereas at Ilvermorny bright fluorescent bulbs illuminated the room.

She finished eating with Theo quickly and turned to her right to see a grumpy looking Millicent.

“I heard you tossing and turning all night,” Millicent said. “If you make me spend another night listening to you, I’m killing you and throwing you into the lake.”

“You lot really are sweethearts,” Y/N responded absentmindedly, sipping her tea. “In all actuality, though, I’ll probably sleep better tonight. I’m sorry about that.”

Millicent visibly softened. “No, it’s alright. I know it must be hard and all...isn’t it nighttime in America?”

Y/N checked her watch, still ticking at the eastern timezone of the US.

“Yeah. All my friends are sleeping right now. I’m jealous.”

That earned a small laugh out of Millicent, prompting Y/N to smile back at her.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all.

Y/N’s hopefulness soon diminished by her second period as she struggled to find her way to potions.

“I thought you’d have an easier time finding the dungeons, you resembling a sewer rat and all.” A cold voice sounded to her right, and combined with the sudden rough push on her shoulder, she was surprised and yelped.

“A jumpy sewer rat too, huh?” Draco Malfoy raised an eyebrow and turned to keep walking.

“Hey!” Y/N’s hand darted out to snatch his sleeve. “Hey, Draco! Watch your mouth, buddy!”

Yanking his arm out of her grasp, he sent her a glare that could cut through stone. “Malfoy. Not Draco.”

“That’s funny, because I specifically remember you telling me that your name was Draco.”

He was about to say something back, no doubt a threat, but another boy swooped in.

“C’mon, Y/N, he’s just teasing you,” Theo murmured, taking care to send Draco a disapproving look. “Don’t waste your time on him. Come hang out with me and Daphne.”

Y/N allowed herself to be pulled away to Theo’s group of friends, all the while still glaring at Draco.

“Chill out, America,” Daphne said, waving her hand in front of Y/N’s face. “He’s not worth the energy. He’ll move on to someone else soon enough.”

“Whatever you say.”

Theo and Daphne walked her down to Snape’s classroom, taking extra care to keep her out of Draco’s path. Y/N was lost in thought on her walk to Potions, riding a sea of conflicting emotions.

On one hand, she wanted to make sure she didn’t spend the rest of the year being harassed by a little rich boy. On the other...he was painfully attractive, and while it was shameful to admit, knowing that he was paying her mind made her blush and her heart race.

Y/N was, by no means, an attention whore, but she’d be lying to herself if she said that she wanted Draco to completely leave her alone. She was in a foreign country, after all, and British accents were, well, exceedingly hot. There was no fault in her wanting to have a little fun.

Walking into the classroom, she was pleased to spot an empty table. Daphne and Theo took seats to her left, leaving an empty chair to her right. She allowed her thoughts to wander to places she shouldn’t have, shaking her head to clear her mind afterwards.

She was being ridiculous. Draco was not going to come over and sit with her just because there was one empty seat at her table.

In that moment, Y/N felt as though she was catapulted back into her 3rd year, where she was a cringy boy obsessed mess.

Chill, Y/N she thought to herself. Stop acting like a child.

Potions went on without a hitch. Y/N saw a flash of blonde hair in the corner of her eye, but she didn’t dare look. He didn’t come sit with her, so it wasn’t like looking in his direction would accomplish anything anyways.

“Whoa, Y/N, they said unicorn tail, not unicorn horn,” Daphne said, yanking Y/N’s hand away from the cauldron. “Can you read?”

“Yeah, do they teach that in the slums where you’re from?” a familiar cold voice added from behind them.

Y/N spun around to see an amused looking Draco sitting at the empty table behind them, propping his chin up with his palm.

“If you’re going to insult me, can you at least come up with new content?”

The side of his mouth quirked. “I don’t owe you anything.”

Y/N shrugged, tossing the shaved unicorn horn into the rubbish bin below her. “Fine, stay unoriginal. You bore me.”

Draco slunk out of his seat, retreating back to his rightful table.

“Give it roughly a week,” Theo told her sympathetically. “He’s a class A git, and then he gets bored, and then he forgets about you and doesn’t pay you any more mind.”

“But you’re not helping,” Daphne added, mincing some greengrass. “If you really want him to leave you alone, then stop engaging him. You’re making this fun for Malfoy by reacting to him.”

“I can handle myself,” said Y/N. “It seems like harmless fun, and plus, Draco can’t be that intolerable. He has friends.”

Theo paused from his chopping to look at her quizzically. “He has minions. And Parkinson, who you don’t want to associate with. The only thing Malfoy is good for is trouble and drama. I don’t think he has a kind bone in his body.”

“But he’s quick-witted and interesting. Don’t you two want to know more about him?”

“No!” Theo and Daphne answered in unison.

“Let me guess,” Daphne said, tipping her ingredients into the cauldron. “You think he’s hot.”

Y/N shrugged, her face burning. “I’m not blind.”

The witch offered her a sad smile, the most genuine expression she’d worn all day. “Be careful, then. I obviously can’t tell you what to do, and it’s not like it’d affect me much anyways, but between you and me, I wouldn’t go for him. Lots of girls like him, you know.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Y/N butted in. “You’re saying all of this like I expect something to happen. I’m just bored. I don’t expect anything to come out of this, and I don’t even know if I would want...that. I hardly know him, after all.”

Theo and Daphne both seemed satisfied with her answer. Y/N took advantage of the silence to add the untangled unicorn tail, watching as it turned the potion a milky blue.

Y/N spent the next few days acclimating to her new schedule and avoiding Draco (as per the request of Theo and Daphne). Classes at Hogwarts weren’t as spaced out as they were at Ilvermorny--there were just 3x as many stairs. She was by no means grossly out of shape, but jogging up and down the moving staircases proved to be a challenge.

“Do they not have stairs in America either?”

Y/N didn’t even bother turning around to face the person who spoke to her on her way to Charms. She’d recognize that snotty voice anywhere. “If you don’t get new content, I’m pushing you down them.”

Draco snickered behind her. “Don’t give me any ideas.”

She decided to not entertain him for any longer, choosing to be silent. The staircase creaked its way over to the corridor they were heading, taking its sweet time.

The air was thick with electrified silence, and Y/N was struck with the thought that she had never seen Draco be so quiet for such a long period of time.

The staircase came to a sudden stop, lurching both students forward. Y/N fell flat on her face, her hands dangling over the top of the staircase into thin air.

“What the fuck?” Y/N exclaimed, scooting back as to not fall over the edge. The staircase was now simply suspended in midair, neither parts touching the hallway entrances.

She finally turned around to see Draco just once step down, sprawled out in a similar fashion. “It’s just something that happens every once and a while.” He was casual, seemingly unworried. “I’ve never personally witnessed it, though. They’re just due for maintenance.”

Y/N gaped at him.

“So they just let students on these things without checking if they’re maintained?”

Draco shrugged, getting up to his feet and gripping onto the railing. “To my understanding, they only need to be re-enchanted once every few centuries. I can hardly blame the administration.”

“So what do we do? Wait it out and be late for Charms?”

“Is that really the biggest of your worries?”

Y/N rolled her eyes, folding her knees up to her chest. “What, am I allotted only a certain number of concerns now? Is that how this is gonna be?”

“Don’t be so melodramatic,” he said, motioning over his shoulder. “It’s not like we can’t just jump off at the bottom of the stairs.”

Y/N stole a glance behind him and realized he was right. It would be a bit of a leap, but if they tried, they could make it to some random corridor she had never seen before. “I don’t think I can make that with my books, though, and I’m too afraid to levitate them over the edge.”

Draco seemed to ponder this for a bit. “Me neither. I can go first and leave my things with you, and then you can pass both our things over, and then I’ll help you across. With you having shorter legs and whatnot.”

Y/N fought back a bitter remark in response to his thoughts about her legs.

“Yeah. We can try.”

It took Y/N a bit to hype Draco up about the leap as the two stood overlooking the edge.

“Don’t worry, you can totally make that,” she told him. “If you don’t, I swear I’ll try and levitate you back to safety. Or maybe I’ll Accio Draco or something. We’ll see.”

Draco snorted. “First of all, I’m offended that you don’t trust yourself enough to levitate your textbooks but feel perfectly fine levitating me. Second of all, it’s Accio Malfoy to you.”

“Accio Draco Malfoy,” Y/N corrected. “If I say Accio Malfoy, I’m being too vague. Any one of your family members could come flying at me, full force. We’d have some explaining to do.”

“No, you would, because I’d already be a splat on the ground below us.”

Y/N laughed then, pleasantly surprised with his level of bantering. His own eyes twinkled as a few smile creases appeared around his face.

“Nothing a little Dittany and pumpkin juice can’t fix,” she said cheerily. “Off you go.”

Draco steeled his face, any vulnerability disappearing. He shed his cloak and dropped his books on the ground, walking up a few extra steps to give him more speed.

“Be careful, Draco,” she added, resting her weight against the staircase. “I’ll be even later to Charms if I have to track down a house elf to clean up a body on the base level.”

“Malfoy,” was the last thing he muttered before he jogged to the end of the staircase, gracefully leaping across the gap. Y/N’s breath caught for a split second, but he stuck the landing, spinning around to beam at her.

“Told you. Easy.”

“I literally never recall you saying that.”

He dramatically threw his hands up. “I put my life on the line, sacrifice my soul to save your textbooks and this is how you repay me?”

“I thought you said it was easy.” She cocked an eyebrow, smirking back at him.

He stood there for a few moments, his features suddenly softening as he gazed at her. “Pass me my cloak and things. We haven’t got all day.”

Y/N obeyed, gathering up his things and separating them from hers. He had thrown his books so haphazardly that she was having a difficult time telling the difference between the two. She slung his cloak over her shoulder as she worked, opening the books and searching for names. Neither of their Potions books were marked up, much to her disappointment.

“Hurry up?” Draco’s voice was no longer as harsh as before, ending like a question instead of a command.

“I’m going as fast as I can,” she told him.

Before she could finish flipping through their textbooks--she knew she had written something somewhere--the staircase began screeching again.

Y/N’s eyes shot up, meeting Draco’s. They looked just as confused as hers.

The staircase began moving again, albeit much slower and wobblier than usual.

“Y/N, you need to jump!” His voice was filled with an urgency Y/N had never heard from the boy before.

“But my books...”

“Do it!”

Against her better judgment, she grabbed her satchel with her wand and stationary and leapt off the end of the staircase, praying that she had enough momentum to make it to Draco.

A pale arm reached out and snatched her, pulling her the rest of the distance. Y/N hit the ground with ungraceful smack, pulling Draco down on top of her.

“Are you alright?”

Y/N opened her eyes to see Draco inches from her face, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. He had very pretty eyes, and if she looked close enough, she could see the slightest hints of blue in his grey eyes.

“My books,” she croaked.

“You really should’ve been a Ravenclaw.”

With that, Draco got off of her, sitting up against the wall and looking out at the staircase. Y/N followed suit, ignoring her aching body.

She gasped as she saw what was in front of her--the staircase was rotating, turning upside down and throwing everything that had been on it to the ground.

“Maybe I should’ve just bit the bullet and levitated them anyways,” Y/N sighed, scooting a little closer to Draco, who laughed.

“Don’t worry about it too much. I’m pretty sure the school will replace them free of charge...if that’s something you’re concerned about. This was their fault.”

Y/N decided to ignore the subtle financial reference. “Fair point. I’m just upset that I’m missing Charms.”

Draco bumped her with his shoulder. “I’m not. This was way more entertaining than that blasted class would ever be.”

“I’m touched.”

“No, really, I guess they do teach you how to banter at Ilvermorny.”

“No.” Y/N smiled. “I’m just a natural talent.”

“That you are.”

Draco looked into her eyes for a few moments before snapping out of it. “We should go back to the dorms and find Snape. He’ll get this fixed immediately.”

Y/N was already on her feet, brushing off the dust on her robes. “Of course. Here’s your cloak, by the way.”

He looked her up and down.

“Keep it, at least until you get your own washed. You look like you’ve been living in squalor. I wasn’t expecting the floors to be that dirty.”

“But this’ll be way too big for me!”

“Would you rather look like someone who accidentally ordered the wrong size or like someone who spends her free time rolling around in dust piles?”

When Y/N rolled her eyes and turned away from him, he took that as an answer. “Exactly. I’m sure they won’t look awful. Just...do it now.”

Feeling slightly self conscious, Y/N peeled off her dirty cloak, setting it on the ground and reaching for Draco’s.

As expected, the sleeves went way past her hands. Y/N held it up to him as evidence, cocking an eyebrow.

“C’mere,” he said, rolling his eyes (but still smiling slightly). She stepped forward and watched in shock as Draco gently cuffed her (his?) sleeves so they barely brushed the middles of her wrists. “You’re such a drama queen. This was such an easy fix.”

“Oh, I’m the drama queen?”

“I never said I wasn’t one too!”

“You implied it!”

“I most certainly did not!”

“You’re the one who made me put it on in the first place!”

“Because I was being chivalrous!”

“Oh, because chivalry is the first thing I think of when I think of you!”

Draco stepped forward, catching her wrist and pushed her back into the wall. Y/N stared up at him with wide eyes.

“Thinking of me now, huh, are we?” His words held a light tone, but the look on his face and proximity of him hinted at a deeper meaning.

“Sure?” answered Y/N, her voice much higher than usual. “So?”

Y/N had meant to challenge him to another battle of wits, but Draco seemed to take it as a different invitation.

He leaned forward, closing the gap between them and pressing his lips to hers. It was gentler than she would’ve expected from him and took her by complete surprise.

Y/N stood frozen in his grasp, her eyes wide open. Draco seemed to realize this and sprung away from her.

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry, I dunno what got into me, I guess I thought that you would’ve wanted...” He trailed off, shyly meeting her gaze.

“It’s okay, really,” she said. “I just wasn’t expecting it. I didn’t think you thought of me like that.”

Draco swallowed, once, twice. “I really don’t have to, either. I can leave you alone if you’d like.”

“I wouldn’t like that.” Y/N shifted her weight back and forth, fiddling with the ends of her sleeves. “We can...try again? If you’d like, of course.”

He looked like he was about to take her up on the offer, but at the last second, he stopped.

“I’m sorry.It just feels wrong to do it here.”

Y/N tried to conceal how much the rejection stung, but the blush was obvious on her skin. “That’s o-okay. Don’t worry about it. I’m gonna go find Snape. You go get another cloak.”

Y/N couldn’t sleep.

It was just like that first night, but this time, it wasn’t the time difference keeping her awake.

Her reason was stupid; she knew it was. She had just met Draco and it was unfair for her to have already given his expectations and a role to fill...and incredibly unreasonable. Completely irrational. She might as well call up St. Mungo’s and request a psychiatric evaluation.

MIllicent was kind, but Y/N knew her well enough to know that she’d keep her word about throwing her into the lake. If she kept sighing and rolling around, she would be in for a treat.

Her body was still sore from the short meeting it had with the ground earlier that day as she eased herself out of the bed and made her way towards the common room. Out of habit, she snatched her cloak, only to realize that it was still Draco’s.

Shit.

The blade in her chest only twisted further at the thought of him.

Stop thinking about it, stop thinking about it.

In any other case, Y/N would’ve draped the cloak over her shoulders, but she didn’t want to be reminded anymore of him than she had to be. She didn’t understand why he had suddenly decided to pull away--it wasn’t like anything really changed. Maybe she had had bad breath? Maybe her lips were too chapped?

It was pathetic, really, getting her heart broken within the first three weeks of school. She’d never even though of herself as a romantic, either--but Draco’s face could easily convert anyone to believe hopelessly in love.

Once again, she ascended the stairs into the common room, relishing in the quiet and calm it brought. But wait--she saw movement in the corner of her eye.

Turning, she saw Draco laying on the same couch as last time, staring straight at her.

“Hey,” she whispered. “Sorry to disturb you.”

“Is that my cloak?”

Of course the first thing he had to say to her was a conviction.

“Uh, yeah. Here, you can have it.”

Y/N began striding towards him, holding her arms out to offer the cloak. Surprisingly, he shook his head, retracting his hands.

“No. You look cold.”

Y/N allowed a comeback to die on her tongue, instead awkwardly standing there.

“Well, aren’t you going to sit down with me already?” He settled back into the couch, nodding towards the vacant spot next to him.

Against her better judgment, Y/N sat down beside him, tucking her legs up under her body. She shivered as the cool dungeon air wafted past her.

“I knew you were cold,” he mumbled, taking his cloak from her hands and draping it over both of them. “Isn’t that better?”

“You sound like my parents.”

He allowed a small smile to creep across his face as they sat together in silence, leaning closer into her. Their shoulders brushed, and Y/N realized that she could feel heat radiating off of him.

“You’re very warm.”

“You’re very cold.”

Y/N shifted further away from him as the awkwardness maxxed out.

“Hey, so about today...can we talk about what happened between us? I mean, when you kissed me and then changed your mind?” Y/N’s voice crackled out. She didn’t trust herself to speak at a volume louder than a whisper.

“So about that,” he murmured back. “I never changed my mind. It just didn’t feel right at the moment, not because of you, but because of the situation.”

“Oh.”

“So...er..” he leaned towards her, cupping her face with his hand. It was warm and surprisingly soft, and his eyes nearly glowed in the dark when she looked into them. “Do you still want to try again?”

Y/N didn’t need words to answer that, only actions.

final a/n: so basically the tea is that i SUCK ass at writing actually fluff scenes when it comes down to kissing like i don’t know what’s too much and what’s too little and what’s too cringy so i just avoid it oops. hope you enjoyed. if you want to collab where i write the tension and the build up and you write the fluff please let me know because that would make my life so much easier omfg

#draco #draco malfoy #draco x reader #draco imagine #draco x oc #draco x y/n #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy x oc #draco malfoy x y/n #slytherin #ilvermorny #hogwarts #harry potter imagine #reader insert

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louhooo · 5 years ago

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Hello My Old Heart | Chap. 1

Chapter Summary: Your first night back in town

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader [AU]

Warnings: Swearing, drinking, mentions of smoking, angst

A/N: I’ve been writing this for a while, and I’m finally pushing myself to actually post something. I really wanted to make a fluffy firefighter Bucky, but then I started writing and it got a whole lot angstier real quick. Oops 😬 This’ll be a series, but how many chapters is undetermined at the moment. Also, this chapter is long, but I don’t expect every chapter to be this long.

Feedback is very much appreciated! Let me know what you think! 💘

There’s a very specific thing that happens when you return to the town you grew up in. Every change that happened since you left comes barreling to the forefront, making sure you know that life still went on without you there to witness it. The gas station on the outskirt of town finally updated the pumps from the analog to digital. A new stop sign was put near the elementary school, this one equipped with a flashing red light. And it looked like the siding on Peggy’s was new. Or, at least, painted to look new.

But, even with all of the transformations, the old still called out to you.

The marquee was still bright red and flashed the name of the movie that finally made its way to town. You’re pretty sure that movie came out on DVD a month ago. The blue and white banner hung on the back of the bleachers, reminding you that high school football was still the most important thing to the town. And the speed bump two blocks north of the city park reminded you that you were, once again, driving way too fast.

You still weren’t sure if you were sold on any of it, though.

You had taken the long way, opting to take the old highway over the interstate. The old highway was notorious for being the only road anyone over the age of 70 would take when they needed to leave town. The slow traffic always added another half an hour, at least, to the commute. But, for the first time in history, you’re sure, every senior citizen in Esterwind decided not to go anywhere today, and you got into town quicker than you would have if you took the other way.

You had tried killing time in your room at the hotel, but Clint started blowing up your phone, asking when you were going to head to Fury’s. You were tempted to feign fatigue or an upset stomach from the long car ride, but you knew better. If you didn’t drive yourself, a whole group of people would show up at the hotel and drag you out, and claim it was for your “own good.”

A soft rap on your door pulled you out of your thoughts. You turned and saw black aviators and a cheeky smile beaming at you. You grinned back, pulling the keys out of the ignition. One final deep breath and you grabbed your bag from the passenger seat and got out.

“Well, hey stranger.��

“Hi, Clint,” he adjusted his hearing aid and you let out a sigh, “I thought when I talked to you last, you promised to get them looked at?” You raised your brows at him, “Or did you already break them... again?” He laughed and took a step before enveloping you in a hug.

“I missed you, smart ass.” You laughed and wrapped your arms around him, squeezing him tighter, all of your stress melting away. At least for the time being.

“I missed you, too,” he pulled the two of you apart.

“C’mon. I promised Nat I’d get you inside, so don’t bolt on me,” he started pulling you towards the bar that you’d spent way too much time at as kids. Never to drink, just to hide in the back room and bother Nick. Well, he says you all bothered him, but he also always let you guys in whenever you came around. He said it was better to keep us inside where he could keep his eye on you and keep you all from “terrorizing the neighborhood.”

“Is…?” You swallowed and Clint wrapped his arm around your shoulder and slowed his pace.

“Him and Steve are still at the station, but they’re comin’ later,” you let out a quiet sigh. “It’ll be alright, kid.” You chewed on your cheek. Easy for him to say, you thought. You stepped onto the curb and Clint pulled open the dingy red door. The distinct smell of beer and stale cigarette smoke greeted you. Nick always complained that no matter how many times he painted, it always smelled like smoke.

You joked once that it might have been karma getting back at him for letting people smoke at his bar. He just stared at you until you stopped laughing. You weren’t surprised when he informed you the next time he needed to paint, you would be helping him.

You and Clint both slid your glasses to the tops of your heads, taking in the room. It was loud; people were laughing and Jim Croce was playing on the jukebox. It was bar policy: if you wanted to listen to something from this century, you could take yourself to another bar.

Clint led you towards the back where two familiar faces were already waiting. Sam shot up and gave his charming-as-ever smile.

“Well, shit! Y/F/N Y/L/N!” Clint moved just enough out of the way to make room for Sam. You smiled as Sam wrapped his arms around your waist, unexpectedly picking you up and spinning you.

“Oh my god! Sam!” You let out a surprised laugh as you held onto to him. He set you down and you steadied yourself, “Sammy! What was that for!?” He laughed.

“I’ve only been able to see ya on FaceTime, you’re lucky that’s all I did. My idea for a parade got shot down. Was even gonna make up shirts with your face on ‘em.” You grinned and rolled your eyes.

“Oh, glad to see you’re still dramatic. Here I was thinkin’ it was all for show.” He laughed, making your smile grow.

“Sam, move.” There was very obvious ire in her voice. Sam moved out of the way and Nat came into view, her hair seemingly redder than the last time you FaceTimed her 72 hours ago. She had a brow arched and you gave her a soft grimace.

“Hi, Nattie….” you spoke softly. You had gotten used to just ending the call whenever she started lecturing, but now you were face-to-face and slightly terrified. She rolled her eyes, her shoulders relaxing in the process.

“Oh, come here,” she stepped forward and you hugged each other tightly. “I missed you,” she whispered into your ear. Tears welled and you returned the sentiment.

“Oh, great, you got her crying, Nat,” Clint teased. You dropped your holds and gave each other an understanding look. Nat turned to Clint.

“Don’t be an asshole, asshole.” Clint let out a hearty laugh and slid into the booth section of the table. Nat followed and leaned into his side just like she always did. You watched Clint kiss her temple, and sighed involuntarily.

“I’m gonna get something to drink, you guys good?” You were met with a chorus of “goods!” and Clint telling you to get him a beer. You walked over to the bar and leaned against the counter while you waited. Happenstance had you glance down at the bar top, instantly making your stomach drop. Carved into the wood were the initials JBB and Y/I with a jagged heart etched around it.

“Ya know, if you two hadn’t of done that, I’d probably have a perfectly graffiti-free bar top,” a burly, but kind, voice reverberated in your ears. You looked up and slowly smiled at Nick. He raised his brow, “Let me guess: Bud Light for Clint and… one of those wine coolers for you?” You chuckled softly.

“Clint’s is right, but I’ll have a long island and a shot of tequila.” He gave an amused look and went to make the order. “How ya been, Nick? Any teenagers you givin’ empty threats to?” He chuckled and turned to face you.

“They weren’t empty. Ask Wilson or Romanoff how many times I called their folks. You were just roped into the bad behavior, so I let you off the hook. ” You laughed and faintly shook your head.

“Don’t you know, Nick? It’s always the quiet ones.” He grinned and slid a lime and a shot glass towards you. You shot it back as soon as he was done pouring it, then bit into the lime, putting the rind in the empty shot glass.

“How’s everything for you?” You shrugged, keeping your eyes on the beer bottle in front of you.

“Work is good.” He gave a pointed look while he mixed your drink.

“You know that’s not what I mean….” Your shoulders slumped.

“I… haven’t decided yet. I’ll let you know once I do.” He didn’t say anything, just letting out a deep sigh, much like a disappointed parent, and finished making your drink.

He slid it to you, “How long you stayin’?”

“I don’t know yet. We’ll see how long Nat can convince me I should.” You grabbed your wallet, “How much?”

“For you… $9.” You grinned and laid down a twenty.

“Thanks, Nick. Keep the change.”

“$11 for a tip?” He asked amusedly.

“Well, think of it this way: the more I drink, the more likely it is that I’m gonna forget to pay, let alone tip.” He chuckled and grabbed the bill. You grabbed the drinks after stuffing the wallet into your bag, “See ya in a bit, Nick.” You headed back to the table and saw that a blonde had joined. You handed Clint his beer and sat down beside Sam.

Sam slung his arm around you. “So, any chance of you buyin’ me a drink now?” You pinched your brows and looked up at him.

“Dude, I asked if you needed anything and you said no.”

“Yeah, but that was before I finished my drink.” You snorted.

“Sounds like a “you problem” now, bud.” He reached and tugged on your hair, making you gasp. You turned and glared at him.

“Sounds like a “you problem” now, bud.” He parroted back like a bratty kid. You crossed your eyes and glanced at Sharon.

“Hey, lady,” she said with a grin. You huffed out your nose and grinned as you both stood up and hugged each other. “We’ve missed you.” You exhaled softly and squeezed her once more before pulling back and sitting back down.

“I missed you, too, Shar.” You took a sip of your drink, and then another, trying to get a small buzz before the inevitable.

Conversations flowed effortlessly. It was almost like the universe was taunting you with how easy it could have been if you hadn’t left.

Nat passed around her phone and showed off the still-in-progress tattoo she’d given to a group of bikers who passed through today. Her work had improved tremendously since you were 16, when she gave everyone the same star tattoo, effectively branding you all into some off-brand cult.

Sharon recounted the patient who heaved all over her that morning. The story didn’t go on for very long before Clint and Sam started to lose color and made her stop talking about it. You had planned on being a nurse with her, way back in high school when everything in the world was still bright and shiny.

But plans change.

You hadn’t eaten much of anything all day, not wanting to eat in the car and too stubborn to stop for food, so the one drink had already started to affect you. You giggled and smiled, almost having forgotten how it felt to be that light.

A new song came on the jukebox and it was like a movie: the door opened, illuminating the inside of the bar, drawing everyone’s attention, and time stood still. Steve led the two men over, but your eyes were focused on the brunet’s. You saw a look of shock wash over his face as you stared at one another. You looked down at your lap, suddenly finding your nails much more interesting. As if on purpose, Sam slid in next to you as he got back from the bar, effectively trapping you in between him and Clint. Well… you could always crawl out from under the table if need be.

Steve approached the table first, a dazzling smile on his face. “Hey, guys! Sorry we’re late; had to finish training the newbies,” you glanced up at him and he gave a stunned look. “Holy shit! Sam move,” Sam chuckled and moved out of the way and Steve took his spot, wrapping his massive arms around you in a bear hug. He smelled like Irish Springs and the same Crew shampoo he’d been using since discovering it in high school. You let out a surprised laugh.

“Hi to you, too, Steve.” You patted his back with the limited arm movement you had.

He chuckled in your ear, “You’re lucky you aren’t standing up, or I’da picked you up.” You laughed and he pulled back, his hands on your biceps.

“Sam already did, so might as well.” Steve laughed.

“How you doin’, sunshine?” You chuckled at the nickname that came so easily from him.

“I’m good, Steve. I’m good.” Steve turned his head towards the bar and then looked back at you.

“Come with me. I wanna get a beer.” He didn’t give you much room to argue before he was pulling you out of the booth. He sat at one of the stools and patted the empty one next to him. “So… how ya really been?” You glanced at him as you sat. That asshole had always been too perceptive when you didn’t want him to be. You sighed softly.

“Steve… I really don’t think now is the time to talk about this. Let’s just get through the night and--”

“And what? As soon as it’s all over, you’ll run out of our lives like last time? Oh, wait. Not everyone, just me and Buck.” You shouldn’t be shocked by his anger, you had been anticipating it since you told Sharon you’d come to the wedding, but the sting it left wasn’t something you had imagined.

You stared down at the bar for a few beats before Steve let out a deep sigh, “Things have been shitty without you here, ya know? We’ve all missed you, Buck most of all…. Obviously.” Nick came over and Steve ordered some local beer you hadn’t heard of, and another drink for you.

“We all made choices that night, Steve.” He turned his head and you slowly met his eyes.

“You two need to talk. This has gone on for long enough. I don’t think you both have all sides of the story.” You rolled your eyes and scoffed, thanking Nick as he slid your drink to you.

“And you only have his,” you grabbed your drink and stood up, and headed towards the back exit. You went down the narrow hallway, past Nick’s office, and opened the black metal door, the cool spring air a welcomed greeting.

You sat on one of the milk crates stacked by a pallet of wood and sighed. You set your drink on the ground and leaned back against the wall, staring up at the dusk sky. It was stupid to think you could ever come back and have things be normal while you were here. Things were definitely not normal.

The door popped open and you glanced over, making eye contact with Bucky. He gave you a half grin that didn’t quite reach his eyes as he let the door fall shut, and moved to sit on the milk crate across from you. You forced yourself to go back to looking at the sky, even though you could feel his stare on you.

“Hey.” It had been years since you heard his voice, but it felt like just yesterday.

“Hey.”

“So... Steve’s obnoxious, huh?” You looked at him and saw a small smirk on his face. Your own smirk formed and you huffed a laugh.

“Yeah, just a bit.” Bucky chuckled and kicked out some of the rocks under his foot. You sat in silence, the sound of the AC thrumming softening the tension in the air.

“You look good, Y/N.” You finally took Bucky in. His hair was cut shorter, and he had a few days’ worth of stubble on his face, from the looks of it. He wore jeans and a grey shirt with a black jacket, and his arms looked like they were about ready to bust out of the material with one good flex.

“You do, too, Bucky.… Even with short hair.” He chuckled and shifted on his feet, nervously running his fingers through his hair. You picked up your glass and rubbed your thumb over the rim, “How’s the firehouse?” His eyes flickered over your face.

“It’s good. Made lieutenant last fall.” Half of your mouth turned up in a grin.

“That’s great, Bucky. I’m happy for you.” He rubbed the back of his neck and gave a small grin.

“Thanks. Steve’s captain, so he’s a bit of a hard ass most days, but somehow I manage.” You laughed softly. “So, Clint was saying you work w-with kids? H-How’s that goin’?” Of course he did.

“I do. At an elementary school. The kids I work with are pretty great, so I can’t complain.” You slowly stood after what felt like an eternity of staring at one another, cradling your drink in your hands. Bucky straightened, standing up, and you noticed he kept clenching and unclenching his fists. A nervous tick he’d had since the sixth grade.

“We don’t--” “Can we--”

You both chuckled nervously, and you motioned for him to go first. He cleared his throat, “Uh, I was just gonna ask if could meet for lunch tomorrow? Maybe talk where there isn’t alcohol involved.” You gazed over his face.

“Okay,” you whispered. Bucky’s brows raised with surprise.

“We can go to Peggy’s? She’ll be happy to see ya….” You grinned at how eager he sounded. “So, uh, what were you gonna say?”

You glanced down at your feet, “Oh…. I was gonna say we don’t have to talk here, but you beat me to it.” You looked up at him, chuckling. His face shifted slightly.

“You still can’t lie for shit….” Your grin fell slowly, and you looked back down at your feet. Bucky could always tell when you weren’t telling the truth. Even after all this time, it seems.

“I was gonna say that we don’t have to talk and be nice about it. It’s not like things got left on the best note.” He scoffed and you looked up at him, “Yes, James, I know I’m the reason for that, thank you.” He took a couple steps towards you, and it felt like you were going to drown in those eyes all over again.

“Then, let’s fight; get it out of our system.” You gave him a bewildered look and set the glass on the stack of pallets.

“Really? You wanna get into a screaming match outside the bar? Probably wouldn’t look too good for a firefighter to get cited for domestic disturbance, don’t ya think?”

“Don’t even wanna fight when I’m bringing it up…” He shook his head and scoffed humorlessly, “Of course ya don’t. You don’t wanna talk about it, or fight about it, but you’ve got no problems up and disappearing for four years without so much as a fucking heads up!” Bucky’s voice gradually got louder and louder.

“That’s not just on me, Buck! You didn’t wanna talk either, and you just ignored the conversation until I told you I couldn’t do it anymore, and then--!”

“Do you have any idea how fucking miserable I was when you left?! Jesus… Steve and Sam had to drag me out of the house just so I wasn’t holed up in our home--”

“I was miserable before I left, but that never got brought up, did it? No, of course not. ‘Let’s just blame Y/N. She’s the bitch that left good ol’ Bucky Barnes high and dry for no reason at all. How could she do that to him!?’” You scoffed and threw your hands up, your palms coming back and slapping your thighs, “I was fucked up, too! It wasn’t like I actually wanted to leave, but we were kids, Buck! We didn’t know a goddamn thing about life.”

“We knew plenty! We--”

“No, we fucking didn’t! No, we fucking didn’t... Tell me, did you figure out I left, or did someone who actually cared hafta tell ya?” Bucky’s jaw clenched, his knuckles going white. You closed your eyes and breathed through your nose. The door popped open, and you both snapped your heads in the direction. Sam came out with a wary face.

“Uh, hey…Steve and Sharon want a group picture…?” You grabbed your drink.

“Great!” The sarcasm was palpable. Sam moved to the side and let you pass. You quickly gulped the drink and pointed to the empty glass and held it up for Nick as you walked past him at the bar. You discarded the glass on the table, “So, who’s takin’ the picture?”

“Well, let’s get one of just us girls first, then we’ll do the guys, then we’ll ask Nick if he can take the group one for us,” Sharon handed Steve her phone and grabbed you and pushed you into the booth so you sat in the middle between her and Nat. You squeezed together and smiled while Steve stood up and turned the phone sideways to get the picture.

“Alright, one, two, three,” Steve put the phone back down and started moving towards Sharon.

“Steve, take a few, and actually tell us when you’re taking it,” Steve put his hands up in surrender.

“Okay, okay….” He put the phone back up. “Everyone say ‘Cheese!’”

Bucky was going to hit something, and that something was going to be Sam Wilson if he didn’t wipe that look off his face.

“Buck, you--”

“For both of our sake’s, don’t.” Sam’s jaw ticked and Bucky brushed past him.

He’d known you were coming for only about 36 hours. Steve had been talking to Sharon on the phone and hadn’t noticed Bucky come into the kitchen. Bucky was refilling his mug when Steve asked if she knew where you were staying. Bucky’s knees almost folded under him, and since then, he’s been pestering his friends with information.

Sam and Steve had been the only ones who encouraged him to talk to you tonight. They even gave him pointers for how he should do it.

The conversation he planned to have with Y/N had gone a lot smoother in his head on the drive over.

When you were all satisfied with the picture, the guys sat down, Sam and Bucky coming back over as you were standing up. As Sharon took a picture of the guys, you went over to Nick and picked up your drink and handed him a five.

“Can you take a group picture of us?” He gave a look. “I know… trust me, I know. But do it for Sharon. Think of how happy it'll make her.” He rolled his eye and you knew you had him. You always had a way of finding the cracks in Nick Fury’s heavily guarded heart, even if you those cracks were left there on purpose. He grumbled and came from behind the bar and walked with you back over to the table.

“Listen, you’re all lucky I’m such a generous person,” Nick deadpanned. You all laughed and Sharon handed him her phone, “Guys, in back, girls up front.” You let out a relieved sigh and sat down next to Nat. You just needed to smile and try to convince everyone you were happy.

How hard could that be?

You were about four and a half drinks in and having a great time. Nat had snuck over to the jukebox shortly after pictures and selected a song that resulted in you and Sharon both gasping and joining Nat to dance. You were even able to get Clint and Sam on the floor for a song or two.

Song after song played, each one more upbeat than the last, and you danced with whoever was closest. You had to do whatever you could to avoid dealing with your problems. Obviously, it was the mature and adult way to handle the situation.

Unbeknownst to you, Bucky watched from the table.

“You’re staring. It’s creepy.” Bucky side-eyed the redhead next to him.

“I’m not staring.” Nat raised her brows.

“Right…” Bucky ignored her and took a sip of beer. Every time Bucky tried to focus on whatever bad joke Clint was telling, his eyes somehow lingered to wherever you were. He missed the way his heart beat with you around. “Also, couldn’t help but notice that you’ve been nursing that beer for a while. It’s gotta be piss warm by now.”

It was. “It’s fine. I’m on call tonight, anyways.”

“No, you’re not, otherwise none of you would be drinking….” Nat moved closer to him, “Ya sure it doesn’t have to do with the girl over there that’s had a few too many?” Bucky clenched his jaw and finally turned to face Nat.

“Natasha…”

“James…”

“I didn’t ask for your opinion.”

Nat shrugged, “Too bad.” Bucky rolled his eyes and turned forward just in time to watch you and Sharon spin into each other. He couldn’t hear you over the chorus of the song playing, but the crinkles by your eyes told him you were laughing.

Nat squeezed his knee and leaned into him, “Don’t be afraid to show her how you’ve changed, too.” His eyes snapped to hers, and she just grinned. It was really fucking annoying how she could always read him.

Sam came over to you while you were trying to find a new song on the jukebox. His arm draped over your shoulders, “Hey, we’ve gotta head out. Fury wants to close up for the night.”

Your brows burrowed and you whined, “But, why…?” Sam chuckled and glanced at his watch before looking back at you.

“Because it’s almost one and we’ve gotta go?” Your brows stayed pinched. You didn’t realize how empty the bar had gotten. “Are you staying with Clint and Nat tonight?” You exhaled and shook your head.

“No, I’m staying at the hotel,” you spoke louder than really necessary in an empty bar.

Sam pinched his brows, “Really? Why aren’t you stayin’ with someone?”

“’Cause no one would want me to. I was an asshole, Sam, and you guys are too nice to me….” Sam helped you stagger over to a chair so you could sit.

“Oh, kid….” He looked over you and nodded his head just enough that you noticed. You turned to where he was looking and saw Bucky walk your direction.

“Hey, Buck-o!” He raised his brow.

“Hey….” Bucky glanced at Sam and they whispered things to each other. You stood up and Sam and Bucky both immediately reacted, “Y/N, you gotta sit down.”

“I'm fine!” You tried walking back to the table where your friends were, but the room kept spinning and your coordination betrayed you. A strong hand gripped your arm and held you upright.

“Up you go,” Bucky scooped you up like it was nothing for him.

“Hey! Put me down!” He didn’t respond, and simply walked over to the table.

“Sharon, can you grab her purse?”

“Yeah,” Sharon grabbed your purse from the table and put it on your lap. She gave you a warm smile, “Lady, you gotta stay with someone tonight. Who--?” You shook your head.

“No, I don’t! I’ll be fine! I’m not even that drunk!” She gave you a look. You didn’t even believe your lie.

Sharon glanced at Bucky, then back to you, “Y/N, that’s not true, and you know it,” her voice was gentle, but firm. She tucked your hair behind your ear and you felt Bucky’s fingers dig just a little deeper into your flesh, “You need to go home with someone. You’re too drunk to be alone. I’m worried you’ll hurt yourself if you don’t.” You snorted.

“Well, you’re a nurse, I’ll just call you if I sprain my ankle again.” Sharon ignored your comment and started to get Steve’s attention.

“I’ll take care of her; make sure she’s safe. I… I’ll text you guys tomorrow.” Sharon stared at Bucky.

“Is that a good idea?” Bucky had to fight back his desire to scoff. Why wouldn’t it be a good idea?

“Yeah, I think so.” Sharon studied him before slowly relaxing.

“Don’t make me regret this, Barnes.”

Bucky ignored her remark. He murmured goodbyes to those nearby and started walking out of the bar with you balanced in his arms.

“Bucky! Put me down, I weigh too much!” He let out a sigh.

“Babe, you gotta stop screaming, I’m right here.”

“I’m--” he looked at you, and you shrank into yourself, “sorry.” Maybe you were talking louder than you needed to. He sighed softly.

“You don’t weigh “too much”, Y/N. I’m gonna set you down, can you keep your arms around my neck so you don’t fall over?” You nodded and grabbed your purse as Bucky slowly started to set your feet back on the ground. He opened the door to a vehicle, “Be careful of your step. The lift’s still there.” You looked and realized it was Bucky’s truck that you were getting into. One whiff of the air freshener, and you were sixteen again, and driving all over kingdom come with Bucky. You slowly stepped up and plopped into the passenger seat.

“Do you need help buckling up?” You shook your head and grabbed the seat belt and clicked it across your body. Bucky shut the door and you watched him walk around and get into the driver’s seat. You couldn’t help but notice the two silver and blue ribbons that were still braided together, hanging from the gear stick. He buckled up and turned the engine over.

“What about my car?”

“We’ll get it in the mornin’.” He looked at you, chewing on his cheek, “I was gonna go through drive thru, would you eat somethin’?” You gasped and grabbed his arm.

“French fries! Oh my god, can I get french fries!?” He glanced at your hand on his arm and before giving you a soft smile.

“Sure, babe.” You smiled and leaned back so you were resting against the door. You folded your arms and stared out the window as you drove. Bucky started talking, but you couldn’t hear him. You lolled your head towards him.

“What?”

“Why do you think no one would want you to stay with them?” He flicked his eyes over you quickly, like he didn’t want you to notice him looking at you. You sighed loudly.

“’Cause I left, and haven’t been a very good friend. ‘Cause I hurt you like you hurt me,” tears slid down your face freely. “I really didn’t wanna hurt you. Well… I kinda wanted to, but not as much as I did. Not really! I was just so scared, and hurt, and sad, and--”

He grabbed your hand and intertwined your fingers before he brought the back of your hand to his mouth. Bucky knew you were too drunk to be having this serious of a conversation. He also knew sober Y/N wouldn’t be saying any of this right now, so it was probably a good idea to make you stop talking.

He did, however, think it might be easier to get it all out there, so that when the time comes to have the real conversation, he’d have a better idea on how to do it.

“I know, Y/N… I know. I’m sorry for… everything. I was shitty to you, and I-I should’ve done more for you. I hate myself for not bringing you back home that night. For not being there for you like you needed,” he kissed the back of your hand tenderly, goose bumps rising in his wake. “I missed you, Y/N,” his voice was barely loud enough to hear over the thrum of the engine. He let out a deep sigh, “Let’s get some food, and go home, yeah?” You nodded and wiped away the tears with your other hand, too drunk to truly process what was being said.

Bucky pulled up to the drive-thru speaker and rolled down his window.

“Hi, how can I help you?”

“Yeah, can--”

“I want hamburgers, too!” you shouted at Bucky. He untwined your hands and tried to cover your mouth without looking at you, but you quickly moved his hand away. “Don’t try to shut me up; I want hamburgers!”

“Okay! Jesus!” He whispered with wide eyes, trying his best to get you to stop screaming. “Sorry about that, can I have…” You could hear Bucky ordering the food, but all you could focus on was his hand that rested between you both. Maybe if you laid yours down beside his, he wouldn’t notice, and would hold it again? Or, maybe--

“Will this complete your order?”

“Yeah.” You shifted in your seat, moving your eyes to the dash in front of you.

“Okay, we’ll have your total at the window,” Bucky slowly drove forward. He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and pulled out a twenty.

“I’ve got money.” You attempted to open your purse, but a big hand stopped you. You glanced at him.

“I got it,” he pulled up and the worker gave the total and Bucky handed them the money. They handed him back his change and he put it away before putting his wallet back in his jeans. They handed him the bag of food a few minutes later, “Thanks. Have a good night.” He set the food in the middle console and pulled back onto the street. You grabbed the bag and started looking for the fries. “Hey, wait until we’re home,” he tried reaching for the bag but you batted his hand away.

“I want some fries.”

“Y/N, just wait five minutes,” you pulled out three fries and popped them in your mouth, chewing happily. Bucky let out an annoyed sigh.

“You said I was the only one allowed to eat in your truck, so here I am… in your truck... eating,” you popped a few more in your mouth. You looked at him with a ‘gotcha’ look.

God, did Bucky miss you. “I guess I did say that…. Fine. A few more, then you gotta wait. You’ll just get upset when you don’t have any when we get home.” You laughed and pulled out a long one before you rolled the bag close and put it back on the console.

“Jokes on you, I’ll just steal yours.” Bucky grinned, but kept his eyes on the road. He’d gladly give you whatever you asked for, whether you knew that or not.

You pulled onto the gravel road that you knew like the back of your hand. The lilac bush came into view and Bucky turned up the drive way, the headlights casting over the blue farmhouse. Bucky parked and grabbed the bag.

“Hold on, I’ll come help ya.” You unbuckled just as Bucky came around and opened the door. You grabbed your purse, and as you went to step out, your foot slipped out from the lift and Bucky grabbed you to stop you from falling on your ass. Your hands landed on his biceps and you slowly looked up at him with a bewildered face. “You okay?”

Concern.

Genuine concern for the drunk girl almost falling out of the truck, was all you could hear in his voice. Both of his hands were around your waist, keeping you safe from falling.

“You smell good.” He blinked and tilted his head slightly before slowly grinning.

“Thanks…. You smell good, too. Ya know, once you get past the tequila.” Your cheeks flushed and you chewed on your cheek. He chuckled, “C’mon. I’ll carry you, just to be safe.” You were sure he’d make up any excuse to carry you again, even if you weren’t drunk. He kept a hand on your waist and bent down to pick up the bag of food he dropped. He handed the bag to you, and before you could stop him, Bucky picked you up as he’d done in the bar. You held your purse and the bag of food in your lap with one hand and the other wrapped around Bucky’s neck for dear life.

He walked up the few steps to the porch and maneuvered the door open. Once you were inside, he used his elbow to flip the light switch. The light grey couch and matching love seat you had picked out together were still here, and so was the leather recliner his parents had given you when you moved in. The walls had been painted navy blue since you left.

“So, you painted, huh?” His eyes flicked to yours as he sat you down in the recliner.

“I had a lot of time on my hands.” You hummed and opened the sack and started pulling the food out. Bucky continued to look at you.

He wanted to tell you that you were right, that navy was better than the teal he had insisted on. But he didn’t. There were a million and one things he wanted to tell you, and paint choices were the least important. He exhaled and went into the kitchen.

You heard the fridge open and set his food on the coffee table and tucked your feet up and opened a burger. “Here,” Bucky handed you a bottled water, “drink this.” You set the burger back in the wrapper and took the water from him. “Thanks,” you swallowed and twisted the bottle open, taking a small sip. You were thirstier than you realized and drank more as you watched Bucky sit down and open up the box with his food. He had his own water sitting on the coffee table. These positions used to be reversed years ago.

You looked around the room, taking it in. It seemed almost exactly like it did when you left… except not, at the same time. Just another reminder that time didn’t stop just because you left. You noticed a pink sweatshirt on one of the hooks by the door. “You got a girlfriend?” It wasn’t accusatory, you were genuinely just asking, your drunk brain blurting out your thoughts for you. Bucky choked on his food and quickly reached for the water and took big gulps.

“What?!” He coughed out. You pointed to the sweatshirt and he followed, “Oh, that’s Bec’s! She left it here the last time she was in town.”

“Oh, Becca! I miss her…! How is she?”

“She’s good. She’s comin’ home for the wedding, so you’ll see her next weekend.”

“Don’t let her kill me,” you spoke with a mouth full of food. Bucky raised a brow and picked his burger back up.

“I won’t let her, but she won’t want to. She’ll probably cry when she sees you.”

You fell into an awkward silence, both of you trying to find a way to start a conversation. You were finishing your fries when Bucky cleared his throat, “So… uh, are, are you seein’ anyone?” Bucky hated himself as soon as he said it. What if you say yes? What if--

“Nope,” you popped the ‘p’. You didn’t finish the other burger and offered it to him. He glanced at it and stared at it for a beat, debating on if he really needed another burger, before taking it. He’ll just eat a light breakfast. You put the leftover fries and wrappers into the bag and stood up. Bucky tensed like he was ready to catch you. “Relax. I’m just throwin’ this stuff away,” you picked up his wrappers and walked into the kitchen and pulled out the drawer that had the trash can. You stumbled back into the living room and could feel Bucky’s eyes on you.

“Uh, I’ve got some clothes you can wear so you don’t have to sleep in jeans and…” He moved his finger around, pointing at you, his cheeks getting redder. You glanced down and realized you had more skin showing than you intended. Your cheeks got hot and you adjusted your top and nodded.

“You could’ve just taken me to the hotel, ya know? I would’ve been fine.”

“You’re too drunk to go to a room by yourself. Somethin’ coulda happened.” You rolled your eyes, but didn’t say anything. You rested your head on the back of the recliner and slowly felt yourself start to drift to sleep. You felt an arm go under your knees.

“Bucky, stop carrying me. I can walk,” you rolled your head and looked at him.

“You think you can handle stairs?” You stared at him, narrowing your eyes.

“Yes.” He snorted.

“Well, then let’s go, toots,” you rolled your eyes and scoffed as you pushed yourself up.

“Call me ‘toots’ again and I’ll deck ya.” Bucky chuckled and walked behind as you went upstairs. He guided you to a room and flipped on the light. He walked you to the bed and had you sit, and you watched him go to the closet and grab a white v-neck and grey sweatpants and set them beside you.

“I’m gonna sleep on the couch. Do you need anything?” You blinked and slowly shook your head as you looked at him. “Alright. Well, if you do, holler. Uh, I’ll let you change. Goodnight.” He walked out and shut the door swiftly. Bucky stood in front of the door as he collected his breaths. He steadied himself and went downstairs to finish eating and try and get a grip.

You looked around the room as you toed off your shoes. The Ikea dresser you picked out sat in the corner still, along with the mirror hung above it that you just had to have. Bucky wasn’t surprised when you came home with it; he’d long accepted your need to decorate with second-hand items. He was, however, surprised when you didn’t get the groceries you had told him you were getting. The whole purpose for going into town in the first place. You told him you were just too excited to show him the mirror. He just laughed and told you to get into the truck, and you went to the store together.

You stood up and touched your fingertips to the small hardened pink nail polish stain on the white comforter. You remembered being so mad at yourself when it happened. You changed into the white t-shirt of Bucky’s and pulled back the covers. You turned off the lights and sank into bed, softly inhaling Bucky’s scent that clung to the sheets.

Bucky finished eating and cleaned up. Maybe he should go check on you and leave some water for when you wake up. He grabbed a glass and filled it from the tap. He walked upstairs and lightly tapped on the door.

“Y/N?” He waited for a response, but when he didn’t hear anything he opened the door.

You were laying on his side, hugging his pillow with your face buried in it. Half of his mouth tugged up in a grin when he heard your soft snores. He used the hallway light to see and set the glass down on the nightstand. He went into the adjoining bathroom and grabbed two blue pills for the hangover you’d absolutely have when you woke up. Then he took one last look before heading back downstairs, turning off the lights as he came down.

Bucky sent Sharon a text that you were asleep in bed, and that there was nothing for her to regret. You could have gotten a hangnail and Sharon would have found a way to blame Bucky.

He kicked off his shoes and grabbed the fleece blanket off the back of the couch and laid down. His mind was racing as he stared up at the ceiling.

How are you gonna get her back, Bucky?

How are you gonna not fuck this up?

How?

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Masterlist // Next

#Bucky Barnes x Reader #Bucky Barnes x You #Bucky Barnes x Y/N #Bucky x Reader #Bucky x You #Bucky x Y/N #Bucky Barnes #alternate universe #Fireman!Bucky #Bucky Barnes AU

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hollymartinswrites · 5 years ago

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Chapters: 14/? Fandom: IT - Stephen King, IT (Movies - Muschietti), Doctor Sleep - Stephen King, Doctor Sleep (2019) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh Characters: Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier, Ben Hanscom, Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough, Mike Hanlon, Original Child Character(s), Dan “Danny” Torrance, Abra Stone Additional Tags: Fix-It, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-IT Chapter Two (2019), Domestic, Light Angst, Family Feels, Childhood Trauma, Adoption, Kid Fic, Adopted Children, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Marriage, Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier Are Parents, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Minor Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Catholicism, Richie Tozier Has Issues, Extended Tozier Family, Medical Examinations, Stephen King References, The Shining References, Doctor Sleep References, References to Depression, Depression, Mentioned Sonia Kaspbrak

Summary:

Eddie and Richie embark on the most terrifying experience of all—parenthood. Or, the author desperately needed a domestic, family fix-it for Richie and Eddie and it turned into a much longer, angstier exploration than I expected.

Chapter XIV: The Tozier Family trip to Seattle is not without its surprises and gets Richie thinking.

Several weeks later

Richie was just on the edge of sleep when he felt a nudge. He opened his eyes and smiled as Eddie offered him a glass of red wine.

“Thanks, babe,” he muttered, yawning. Eddie collapsed beside him on the couch with his own glass and sighed happily.

“Merry Christmas,” Eddie said, clinking his glass to Richie’s before taking a sip. “We survived.”

“We sure did,” Richie replied, gazing at the unwrapped gifts under the tree and garbage bag filled with torn paper and ribbons. “It was a good day.”

Eddie nodded, leaning his head on Richie’s shoulder.

“I think I enjoy Christmas more now with the girls than I ever did as a kid,” he observed. “Well, that’s probably my mom’s fault but still.”

“Now, you’re right,” Richie agreed. “I remember in college, being depressed that Christmas would never feel the same but this is pretty damn close.”

The two men fell silent as they gazed at the tree and gifts, content to merely be alone together with one another. Richie closed his eyes again and yawned again.

“Ready for bed?” Eddie asked.

“I’ve been ready for bed since Thanksgiving,” Richie replied.

Eddie laughed before taking another sip of his wine.

“At least we got a few days to relax before our flight,” he observed.

“Why’d we even agree to this trip?” Richie groaned. “Can’t we just stay in bed until January 2nd?”

“Because we promised our friends,” Eddie pointed out. “And we love them.”

“Let’s cheat on them with sleep.”

“The tickets are already paid for.”

“Ugh, fine,” Richie sighed, opening his eyes and smiling down at Eddie. “I hate it when you’re rational.”

“You love it,” Eddie said, draining the last of his wine.

Richie nodded and curled in closer to his husband. His mind drifted to that morning, and he smiled as he recalled how excited and happy their daughters had been all day, the smiles never leaving their faces. It had made all the stress and planning worth it.

“Do you think the girls will be okay with this trip?” he asked quietly.

“Why wouldn’t they be?” Eddie asked.

Richie shrugged.

“It’s a long flight to Seattle,” he explained. “And Tess has never even been to an airport.”

“Yeah, but we’ve been preparing her,” Eddie replied. “And her therapist gave us plenty of help, too. Plus, she’s excited just because her sister is excited.”

Richie shrugged again. Eddie wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

“You worry about her too much,” he said softly. “She’s a lot more capable than you think.”

“I know that,” Richie said quickly. “I don’t think she’s delicate or anything. It’s just that she’s…”

“She’s our baby, I know,” Eddie replied before leaning in to press a kiss against the side of Richie’s head.

“She has been doing a lot better,” Richie admitted. “I thought for sure that losing Abracadabra was going to be a bigger deal but if anything, she’s become more confident lately.”

“We gotta stop calling her that,” Eddie laughed. “The poor girl’s name is Abra.”

“I know, I know.”

“Do you think…” Eddie cleared his throat. “Do you think we should reach out to her again?”

Richie gazed at him.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Sometimes Tess brings her up,” Eddie said, “and yeah, she’s been fine but maybe she should...meet her.”

Richie sat up and blinked at him.

“What?”

“I know I’ve said I don’t want her or Dan in our lives but she did help our daughter and maybe it’ll be good for Tess,” Eddie sighed. “I don’t know, it’s just a thought.”

“Well, okay. It’s something to think about.” Richie gazed down at his unfinished glass of wine. “I’m gonna chug this and then we’re going to bed, okay?”

Eddie laughed again.

“Okay, babe,” he said.

“Their house should be coming up on the left,” Eddie said as he gazed down at his phone.

“Okay,” Richie replied, slowing their rented car down. “What’s the number again?”

“112. I think that’s it.”

“Holy shit,” Richie breathed.

“Papa said a bad word,” Lydia declared from the back seat.

“Yeah, I did, sorry,” he muttered. “This is just a kickass house.”

“That’s another bad word!”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Lydia shrugged.

“This is a really nice house,” Eddie observed as they pulled into the driveway. “Way too big for just the two of them.”

“They probably got a bunch of live-in assistants and housekeepers and whatnot,” Richie said, parking the car. He turned in his seat to gaze at his daughters. “You girls ready to see Uncle Ben and Aunt Bev?”

“Yes!” Tess and Lydia both shrieked excitedly.

“Best behavior, okay?” Eddie said. “We don’t want to give Uncle Ben and Aunt Bev a reason to regret inviting us over, right?”

“Right,” Lydia answered as Tess nodded solemnly.

Richie grinned and stepped out of the car, helping their daughters unbuckle and climb down.

“Where’s everyone else?” he asked Eddie as they walked up the winding path to the front door. “You think they Ubered or something?”

“They’re not coming in until tomorrow,” Eddie replied, holding Lydia’s hand. “Remember? Bev told us that last week.”

“Oh yeah. Why’d she want us earlier?”

Eddie shrugged.

“Maybe to kill us,” he offered.

“Aunt Bev wouldn’t do that,” Lydia insisted.

“I know, I’m just teasing.”

Richie reached down and lifted Tess into his arms.

“Wanna ring the doorbell?” he asked. She nodded her head vigorously and immediately reached out to press the button. “It’s got a camera, make a funny face for them.”

Tess and Lydia and Richie all pulled ridiculous faces at the camera while Eddie rolled his eyes and smiled fondly. The door swung open and Bev greeted them with a wide grin.

“Aunt Bev!” Lydia shrieked before anyone else could say a thing and immediately launched herself at Beverly.

“Hey, whoa,” Bev laughed, wrapping her arms around their daughter. “I’m happy to see you, too.”

“I think she’s just stircrazy from being cooped up in the hotel,” Richie observed. He leaned in to kiss her on her cheek. “How’re you doing, Bev? Merry belated Christmas and Happy New Year.”

“Merry Christmas,” Bev replied. She smiled gently at Tess. “Can I get a kiss?”

Much to her fathers’ delight, Tess nodded and allowed Bev to peck her quickly on her cheek.

“Good to see you, Bev,” Eddie smiled as he embraced her in the doorway.

“So good to see all of you,” she replied and stepped back. “We’re so glad you made it. I know it must’ve been hard to travel all this way. Come in.”

“Oh, nothing Xanax and a tablet full of downloaded Disney movies can’t handle,” Richie shrugged. He set Tess down on the ground. “Take your shoes off, girls.”

“Oh, they’re fine,” Bev said waving her hand. “Come in, come in.”

“Where’s Ben?” Eddie asked, hanging up the girls’ jackets.

“He’ll be right down. Come on, come into the living room.”

They followed her into a spacious living room, still decorated for Christmas, with a large sectional couch and huge TV that was already conveniently quietly playing cartoons. Lydia and Tess immediately sat down in front of it.

“Sit, sit,” Bev insisted. “Do you guys want anything to eat or drink?”

“We’re fine,” Eddie replied, “come here, talk to us. Tell us about your holiday.”

“Yeah, and why you and your trophy husband have been so cagey about this trip,” Richie said, sitting on the sofa. “I had a bet going with Eds that you were pregnant.”

Bev laughed and shook her head.

“No, no,” she said. “Sorry to disappoint.”

Richie shrugged.

“No big deal, he just owes me twenty bucks,” Eddie replied. “So what is going on?”

“Well…” Bev trailed off when they heard steps coming into the living room. “Here’s Ben, he’ll explain.”

As the two men turned to greet their friend, words abruptly died on their lips when they saw him standing there, smiling bashfully, with a baby in his arms. All was silent for a long moment, until Lydia excitedly exclaimed, “Baby!”

“Holy shit,” Richie gasped.

“Papa, stop saying bad words,” Tess insisted, sounding terribly embarrassed.

Bev and Ben both began to laugh.

“What is going on here?” Eddie asked, wide-eyed.

“Whose baby is that? Did you steal it? Are we accomplices now?” Richie quickly asked.

Ben rolled his eyes, still laughing, as he stepped into the living room, the wide-eyed baby carefully cradled in his arms.

“Tozier family,” he said, “meet baby Ida.”

“Hi Ida,” Lydia and Tess both said quickly, gazing at her in wonderment.

Ben smiled and stepped up beside his wife, who wrapped her arms around him. Richie and Eddie both continued staring at the two of them, slack-jawed.

“Well,” Bev said happily, “welcome to our surprise. Meet our daughter.”

Richie was the first to have his brain finally catch up with his mouth.

“So you were pregnant,” he declared. “I knew it! You owe me twenty bucks, Eds.”

“That’s what your first reaction is?” Eddie asked, dumbstruck.

Bev laughed.

“No, we used a surrogate,” she explained. “A college friend of mine. So, I’m sorry, Richie, Eddie wins on a technicality.”

“Damn it,” Richie muttered.

“Can we see the baby?” Tess asked gently.

“Wait, you need to wash your hands first,” Eddie said, snapping out of his shock. “We all do.”

“Bathroom’s right here,” Bev said, leading them down the hall, where they quickly washed and dried their hands.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Richie exclaimed, as they returned to the living room, Ben sitting on the sofa with Ida in his arms. She was happily sucking on her own hand.

“Well, it was Bev’s idea,” he admitted as the girls carefully sat on either side of him, gazing down at the baby.

“Bev, what were you thinking?”

“We didn’t want the fuss,” she explained, sitting down next to Lydia. “At first we were just going to wait until later in the pregnancy but then thought it would be easier to just keep it all a surprise.”

“But what about a shower or…?” Eddie asked.

Both Bev and Ben shook their hands.

“We don’t need stuff,” he said. “We just want you guys here. To finally meet her. That’s way more important to us.”

“How old is she?” Lydia asked.

“She’s just over three months,” Ben said. “She just started sleeping through the night.”

“So did Eddie,” Richie cracked.

“Harhar,” Eddie grumbled. He sat beside Tess and gazed at the baby in Ben’s arms, his face soft and gentle. “She is beautiful, you two. Congratulations.”

“Oh, yeah, we didn’t say that, did we?” Richie observed. “Congrats. And welcome to parenthood.”

“Thank you,” Bev said, smiling beatifically. “That’s actually why we asked you to come here before the rest of the Losers.”

“What do you mean?”

“You guys are parents,” Ben explained. “And amazing ones. We need advice.”

“More like we need all the help we can get,” Bev added.

Richie and Eddie both blinked and stared at one another, mildly confused.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” Richie explained, “but Eds and I are pretty much just winging it.”

“Yeah,” Eddie agreed, “plus, we’ve never had a baby. Lydia was five and Tess three when we adopted them.”

Bev opened her mouth to respond when Tess looked up at her father and made a tiny, whimpering sound.

“But I’m your baby,” she said softly, her eyes wide.

“Oh, for goodness—of course, you are, sweetheart,” Eddie said, quickly gathering Tess into his arms.

“Daddy just meant you’re not a little baby by Ida here,” Richie explained quickly. “You don’t need diapers or bottles, right?”

Tess considered this before nodding. Bev smiled gently at her.

“Would you like to hold her?” she offered gently.

Tess’s eyes lit up as Lydia pouted and Eddie’s own eyes widened in fear.

“I think she’s too young for that, right?” he asked.

“Nonsense, she just needs to sit still and have a pillow on her lap,” Bev explained. “Here, sit back, Tess, let me get you a pillow.”

“And then you can hold her for a bit, Lydia,” Ben said, quickly noticing the pout growing in intensity on their other daughter’s face.

Richie sighed in relief, desperate to avoid a full-on meltdown within the first half hour being there, and smiled reassuringly at Lydia. With Eddie’s help, Tess sat back on the couch as Bev placed a pillow on her lap.

“Hold your arms out,” Ben explained softly, “and be sure to support her neck.”

Tess nodded seriously and stared in fascination as he gently played Ida in her tiny arms. Eddie reached out and helped arrange her arms, whispering, “Careful, and be gentle. You’re a lot bigger and stronger than her.”

“There you go,” Ben said, sitting back. “You’re doing great.”

Tess stared down at Ida, whose big eyes were gazing around her in curiosity. Suddenly, a smile spread on Ida’s little face and she waved her chubby arms about.

“Aw, she likes you,” Bev exclaimed. “Maybe you and your sister can babysit someday.”

Tess looked up at her fathers and beamed. Something bright twisted inside Richie’s chest as he gazed at his daughter and when he looked up to meet Eddie’s face, he knew his husband felt the same way. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ben snapping pictures with his phone.

“My turn,” Lydia said, “please, please.”

“Alright, alright,” Eddie said, before turning towards Bev. “Okay if I do the hand-off?”

“Of course,” she said happily.

After repeating his instructions to Lydia, Eddie carefully took Ida into his arms and allowed himself one brief moment to simply cradle her against his chest before placing her in Lydia’s outstretched arms. Richie exhaled a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding and all he could think as he watched his husband holding the baby in his arms was, I hope this doesn’t awaken anything in me.

Gazing out at the skyline, Richie leaned against the balcony railing. The lights of the city were bright against the dark sky and though it was beautiful, he was looking forward to going home. He yawned and could see his breath escaping. He shivered.

The balcony door slid open and Eddie stepped out quietly before closing it behind him.

“What are you doing out here?” he asked. “It’s freezing.”

“Got my coat,” Richie shrugged, his hands shoved in his pockets. “Just needed some fresh air.”

“Seattle has some of the worst air pollution in the country,” Eddie observed, standing beside him and wrapping an arm around Richie’s.

“Of course you would know that,” Richie smirked. “Still, it’s a pretty view.”

Eddie nodded.

“The girls are asleep,” he said. “Why don’t you come back inside? It’s been a long day.”

“Eds,” Richie began instead of answering, “I...you...fuck.”

Eddie laughed.

“You still jetlagged, babe?” he asked, reaching up to curl a strand of Richie’s hair behind his ear.

“Do you ever think about having another kid?” Richie blurted out, inwardly wincing.

“Oh, God,” Eddie laughed, rolling his eyes, “I knew this was going to happen. The moment Ben put Ida in your arms, I saw you get all gooey and lovestruck.”

“I did not!”

“And when the girls were talking to her and reading her stories and when Ben asked us to be godfathers…”

“Alright, alright, I get it,” Richie huffed. “One day with an infant and I get baby fever. It’ll go away as soon as we’re on the plane back home.”

“Rich—”

“It’s just, I love our girls, right? I love them so fucking much, I can’t breathe at times,” he murmured, looking out towards the skyline again. “And I love raising a family with you and I think we got this parenting thing down pretty good so far. Besides, we’ve never had a baby.”

Eddie sighed and rested his head on Richie’s shoulder.

“I love our girls, too,” he said softly. “And being a parent with you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me but don’t you think our family is complete? And you know how hard it is to adopt a baby versus an older kid.”

“I know,” Richie sighed. “I’m just...thinking out loud.”

Both men fell silent, gazing out to the city. Richie felt Eddie shiver and was about to offer to go back inside when Eddie reached up and kissed him.

“I did enjoy seeing you hold Ida,” Eddie whispered against his lips. “You’re a great dad and I have to admit, it’s a major turn on.”

“So I’m a DILF?” Richie asked, grinning. “I fucking knew it.”

“Mmhmm. Too bad we’re sharing a hotel room with our daughters,” Eddie whispered, smirking at his husband.

“Yeah, too, bad,” Richie replied. He glanced back at the sliding balcony door and was relieved to see that the curtains were closed. He started and turned back when he felt Eddie’s fingers at his fly. “It’s freezing out.”

“So let’s get warmed up,” Eddie replied, leaning up to firmly kiss him again as he unzipped Richie’s jeans.

#reddie #benverly #it chapter 2 #reddie fanfic

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idontneedtobeforgiven · 5 years ago

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Thanks for the Redemption sneak peek! Miss, and can't get enough of, that 'verse and its inhabitants!! Was wondering if you and @iwantthemtostay have left any scenes on the cutting room floor (please feel free to include EVERYTHING because there's no such thing as too much), if you've ever disagreed on how a scene should play out and how you resolve that, and whether the scenes for each chapter are mapped out in advance and if any have snuck in there unexpectedly. Hope the writing is going well!

Hi there! You are so welcome! And I’m gonna apologize for the answer to this ask because i am definitely full of cold medicine right now lol

I don’t think there’s anything we’ve decided not to include? This story is from Scott and Tessa’s POVs and so sometimes we do end up with scenes we’d like to write from someone else’s POV (like Jordan, Alma, or Becca) but it’s always just something we talk about, not something we ever consider to put in the story itself (though those ideas may appear in oneshots in the future, once this main story is finished). I will say though, that I did really want to include a scene in chapter... I have no clue which chapter it was, but it’s the scene where Scott and the girls go over to Tessa’s to swim. That scene ended up being from Scott’s POV which means we couldn’t see Tessa and Becca talking about Jonathan while everyone else went to the bathroom. Luckily we were able to touch on that a little bit when Becca and Tessa has their cafe date, but originally I did really want to see that moment between them.

When it comes to disagreeing... I don’t think we have? Sometimes we are mind boggling in sync on how things should go and other times we are both approaching a scene differently but we absolutely see how the other is coming at it and I think, I really can’t think of a time we didn’t, decide to marry those two ideas together. Or, on the off chance we can’t decide what to do between us (because we both think either option is too good), we ask our lovely group of betas to make the decision for us lol

Anon, I can not stress to you enough how little we plan our chapters. In the beginning we just had a big doc FULL of ideas we wanted to hit (not even in any sort of order, it was literally as it came to us) and would make sure we hit on some of them, then reworked ideas when Tessa and Scott ended up much softer than we thought they would be (the implantation sex scene changed a lot. I wrote it very early on and it was a lot angstier but that just wasn’t where they were when we finally got there, so @iwantthemtostay rewrote a good chunk of it). For the past few chapters, we’ve done mini outlines, just points that we need to hit, and then make sure we cover those but a lot of the time, things pop up just as we’re writing or discussing how scenes should go (so, yeah, a lot of things end up in the story unexpectedly). Or, things get saved for future chapters because there was just no squeezing them in (ex. The last chapter was totally supposed to have lingerie sex in it but we totally forgot in the craziness of the holiday chapter so now it’ll be popping up later).

I hope that answers everything for you! And if not, I’m sure @iwantthemtostay can save me from this medicine induced answer

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backtothestart02 · 6 years ago

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Fallen Star - 11/?

A/N: I’m pretty pleased with how this chap turned out. It was almost much angstier, so y’all can credit @westallen94 with inspiring me to make it a little more bittersweet than pure pain. lol.

*This chap goes out to @itzvickilou. Girl is so patient in between updates of this fic. And she did wait so long for this one. I hope this installment is one you end up loving, dear!

*Many thanks to @valeriemperez for beta’ing. :)

Chapter 11 -

The door firmly shut behind her, Linda did her very best to put Barry Allen out of her mind. If she started acting weird, Iris would know something was up. She didn’t know how much wine her friend had consumed, but even after several drinks, Iris had a tendency to sense when something was being hidden from her.

Unfortunately for Linda, when she looked over at Iris, she saw her friend had not barely taken a sip out of her wine glass, and the bottle beside it was still very full.

So much for hoping that she was on her second glass, she mused, then scolded herself. Iris hadn’t wanted to get drunk tonight. She should be thrilled that despite her last-minute push for alcohol, Iris still maintained her sobriety.

“Pizza’s here!” Linda announced, promptly dropping the pizza box on the table in front of Iris.

Miraculously, the wine only swished a little in the glass and bottle.

Resigned, Iris switched her gaze from the blank wall in front of her to the pizza box Linda was opening.

“I’m not really hungry…” she began, her growling stomach promptly interrupting her.

Her face heating up, she met Linda’s gaze sheepishly, earning her a snort in return.

“Oh, yeah, I can tell.”

Still flustered, Iris accepted the inevitable and propped herself up so that she was sitting with her back against the arm of the couch.

“All right, well, what did you get?” she asked.

“Your favorite!” Linda cheered.

That intrigued her. “Oh, yeah?” She turned the now open pizza box toward her, then frowned.

“What?” she demanded. “It’s got all your favorites: red peppers, green peppers, onions, hot peppers, jalapeno peppers, mushrooms, and olives. I even made sure they added in that extra spicy sauce not included on the menu.”

“So, your favorite,” Iris concluded.

“What? No-” But it dawned on her then just how she knew about that sauce. A brief fling with a guy that worked there roughly five years prior. “Oh.”

Iris shook her head. “Don’t worry. It’s fine. I’ll just pick stuff off.” She reached for a slice.

“But the sauce!” Linda warned, but it was too late – for both of them.

Iris thought she could handle her spice pretty well, but this was hotter than anything she’d ever tasted. She downed her whole wine glass in a single gulp and took the ice-cold glass of water Linda handed to her before she had time to down the wine bottle in its entirety.

“Wow.”

Linda laughed nervously. “Yeah…”

“Never again.” Iris pointed a finger accusingly at her best friend.

“Understood.”

Linda grabbed a slice for herself and plopped down on the couch beside Iris, eating the pizza as if it wasn’t setting her entire mouth ablaze and making her eyes water. She turned to see Iris staring at her, shock and disbelief on her face.

“Wha-?” she asked around a mouth full of food.

“I just…” Iris shook her head. “Nothing. You do you, girl,” she said, and poured her wine glass up halfway again.

“So, what are you gonna eat?” Linda asked after she’d downed her first slice and was reaching for another.

“That is an excellent question,” Iris said.

Linda winced. “I could order another pizza.”

She laughed. “How about I just make the brownies now, get high, and forget all about needing actual food in my system to get through the night?”

Linda’s eyes widened, panic setting off all her nerve endings.

“Right.” She swallowed. “Pot brownies.”

Iris had stood up and was about to head towards the kitchen, when she turned to look over her shoulder and saw the panicked look on her best friend’s face.

“I’m kidding.”

Linda blinked and looked up at her. “You are?”

She laughed and sat back down. “Yeah. That’s crime evidence. My dad’s a cop, but there’s only so many lines he’ll cross for his baby girl.” She took another sip of her wine.

Linda’s lips parted; her jaw dropped after what Iris said next.

“It’s just a good thing Barry figured out what was up and came over to demand the drugs. Would’ve been awfully embarrassing for me to have to return to the precinct with it, tail between my legs as I snuck it back to where it came from.”

The smack came on suddenly and had Iris rubbing at her arm and nearly spilling her wine.

“What the hell, West?” Linda demanded, but she was starting to laugh. “You could’ve let me in on your clever secret.”

She shrugged and sank back into the couch, cradling the wine glass in her hand.

“It wouldn’t have sold the same with Barry. And I needed him to actually show up.”

Linda’s brows furrowed.

“Why?”

Iris sunk into herself a little.

“So, I could see him,” she murmured to herself.

Linda’s heart broke.

“Oh, honey.” She took the wine glass from Iris’ hand, set it on the table, and pulled her best friend close, pressing a kiss to the top of her head before sinking back into the couch. “You miss him that bad, huh?”

She knew she did. It was a foolish question. But she still asked it because for how crushed she’d appeared in the short period since their break-up, she was the rawest now, the most honest with her feelings.

“It’s like I can’t breathe, Lin. I feel like I’m suffocating every day, knowing I’m not going to be able to see him or talk to him…”

“I’m sure that’ll pass eventually, in time,” she offered. “It’s not like you won’t be a part of each other’s lives forever. You’re family. You’ll be friends again. It’s just…too soon.”

“I don’t know…I don’t know if I can go back to being just friends, Lin. And what about his threat to prevent me from going through with investigating any story that has even a hint of danger to it? If he follows through on that…I think I might just go crazy.”

“So, what are you saying? You’re not going to do that kind of story anymore?”

Iris scoffed. “No, of course not. I love those more than all the rest. They always have the biggest impact. They change lives.” She sighed.

Linda swallowed. “So, then…?”

“Maybe I just won’t be aggressive in searching for one.”

Her brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

Iris pulled back to look into her friend’s eyes.

“I mean…I think I was refusing the simpler stories simply because everyone was getting on my case to not do the more dangerous ones. Maybe the best way to transition is to not do that.”

“I hate to say it…but that may give your ex the impression that you’ve given up. That’s kind of letting him win.”

“It’s not a game, Linda.”

“No, I know it’s not. And I don’t like seeing you in danger, even if I understand why you do run straight into it something, but-”

“It’s okay, Linda. I get it. I’m not going to avoid the stories. I’ll just…take them as they come. And if I get bored of the mundane, which I most certainly will, those criminals will have something coming to them they wish they hadn’t.”

“And that is?”

She smiled mischievously. “Iris West.”

…

A week and a half later, Iris sat at her desk at CCPN and congratulated herself on her progress. She hadn’t gone out for drinks with Linda for at least three days. She slept at her own apartment in her own bed. She was getting work done instead of stalling endlessly, unable to get Barry and their break-up out of her mind.

While she hadn’t been handed a story that would give her a high simply by imagining the potential of it, the stories she was researching, interviewing, writing for were still quality stories. No interrupted robbery, stalled kidnapping, or attempted prison break should go untold, especially when it was the Flash who was stopping these terrible crimes.

And who didn’t love hearing about the Flash’s latest save? Central City citizens loved the Flash. They loved learning about his latest exploits and how great he was. The Flash was good press. Who didn’t want good press? Especially in a newspaper, driving to keep people buying the tangible paper instead of just browsing online.

That was what she’d been hired for initially anyway. Her blog about the Flash.

Her mind came to an abrupt stop when those thoughts registered. She leaned back in her chair and scoffed, disgusted with herself.

“The you from two years ago would have been so disappointed.” She frowned, her nose scrunching up.

She was more than a Flash fangirl. She wanted to write about stories that mattered. They didn’t have to be life or death, but anyone could write about the Flash’s everyday saves. Especially now that she didn’t really have an in with him anymore. She wasn’t at STAR Labs. She wasn’t interacting with anyone there except her dad and brother. And really, they mostly avoided the topic when she saw them. She preferred it that way. So, why the hell was she writing recaps on the Flash’s saves when all she was seeing was what any other citizen on the street could see?

She was supposed to be an Insider. Interviewing people who had been eye witnesses didn’t make her an insider. It made her an interviewer who could transfer words to paper. Which of course was a desirable trait in the industry, but nothing to make her a stand out. Nothing that would save lives. The Flash saved lives every day. Why shouldn’t she?

She pushed herself up out of her chair and walked out of her office down the hall to her editor’s.

“I need to speak with you,” she announced on entry.

Scott lifted his eyes up from the paperwork littering his desk and considered her with a look.

“Miss West, how can I help you?”

“I need you to know that I’m not gonna be your Flash girl anymore.”

He raised his eyebrows. “You’re not?”

“No.”

“You really seem to have a knack for it, though. And you’ve been choosing those stories over literally anything else out there for the past week.”

“I know.”

“And wasn’t that what you were initially hired for?”

She ground her teeth.

“Initially. And I didn’t know it until I got here and found out I wasn’t allowed to write anything else.”

“All right. I’ll bite.” He relaxed in his seat. “What do you want to write, Iris?”

“Something…exciting. Something that matters. Something that will make me work a little. I want to live on the edge.”

He smirked in a way she knew she could have found attractive once upon a time. But there was no hint of a flutter in her chest this time around. Just a hopefulness that he would give her what he asked.

“I think I may have something along those lines.” He turned around in his seat and reached for a file hidden among the clutter there. He flipped through the contents before closing it and handing it to her.

“What’s this?” she asked, taking it immediately, greedy for a story that would make her forget all about the Flash.

“All the information I have on a new arms dealer in town with access to sophisticated weaponry like what Plunder used.”

Her eyes flashed. “Plunder.”

“Your most popular piece in the past week. Surely you can’t have forgotten already.”

No. Of course she hadn’t. Jared Morillo, a.k.a. Plunder, had a penchant for expensive jewelry. With the advanced tech on his guns, it took Flash interrupting him mid-theft three times before he was finally caught. That wasn’t emphasized so much though as was the fact that despite how dangerous he was, he was caught, just like all the others Flash had put to a stop.

“Iris?”

She blinked, looking back at Scott.

“Sorry,” she blurted. “I was just remembering.”

“Right.” He eyed her with some concern, but she ignored it. “Well, this guy looks like he might be similar or possibly worse. He could be a copycat, or he could be in line with Plunder and just picking up where he left off.”

She nodded. “Okay.” She paused for a beat then asked the question she knew she had to. “And…the police?”

He folded his hands in his lap. “I don’t know if they know anything. If they do, it’s not their top priority. I know your dad’s a detective, so if you think it’d be better in his han-”

“I’ll take it.” No way was she letting him finish that sentence. “I won’t let you down.”

He smiled a little. “I look forward to your article, Miss West.”

She smiled a little herself, then backed out of the office and retreated to her own. Setting the file on her desk, she closed out the tabs on her computer and opened a new one.

She could feel the blood pumping through her veins again, the adrenaline from taking on an exciting story that few people were even aware of. And it would change lives. She would make a difference.

…

CCPN was in near darkness when Iris left later that night. She’d gotten a lot of research done, but she knew she’d had to do a lot more, as well as interviewing several possibly connected parties before she could move in on the situation. For now, though, she was content.

And hungry. And exhausted.

She half-debated calling up Linda for some food, but her girl had looked more exhausted than she felt now when she left three hours ago. She decided not to bug her. It was a five-block walk to her apartment from here. She knew there was a good chance there was something to eat in her fridge, and with her apartment being as small as it was, her bed wasn’t far away either.

She cut down the same alleyway as always, not paying mind to how quiet it was, even though it was late. She was almost to the end of it when she thought she saw something move in her peripheral vision. She didn’t stop moving, but she turned her head slightly to see if there was anyone behind her or if she’d imagined it. She didn’t see anyone, but she did pull her purse higher up her shoulder.

Please don’t let me be mugged. Please don’t let me be mugged.

She rehearsed the kickboxing moves she hadn’t used in years in her mind, just in case she needed to pull them out at 11:30 at night in a dark alley that she just now was considering maybe wasn’t the best shortcut she could be taking.

She felt a tugging on her purse and spun around just in time to see a gun pointed in her face. Breathing heavily, she held her hands up in the air. Some fancy punches might work in hand-to-hand combat, but they wouldn’t do so well with a speeding bullet. Not when she was alone like this.

“Give me your purse,” the masked man demanded. “Hand it over or I’ll shoot.”

She wanted to retaliate, to talk back, and maybe she’d be able to, but not tonight. Fear was enveloping her in full force, demanding she succumb to it.

“But it matches her coat so nicely,” came the vibrating voice in the distance.

Iris felt the load lift off her shoulders and relief course through her.

The man turned around to see who’d addressed him, and when he did, Iris snatched the gun out of his hand and stuck it in her own purse.

“What the-”

But the Flash had him in CCPD custody before he could question what had become of his gun.

Iris was breathing heavily once she reached her apartment. She loved the thrill of running into a situation, knowing what great things it would do for her readers and those in danger once she came out the other side. But when it was out of her control, even if it was just a simple mugging, it was terrifying.

She’d have it out of her system by morning, she was sure. But as she sat the gun down on the kitchen table and stared at, she experienced again her hairs standing on end, her heart racing as she stared at the barrel intending to end her life.

The knock at the door startled her. She almost didn’t answer it, but then-

“Iris?”

Another sigh of relief.

“Iris, it’s me.”

Taking a deep breath, she picked up the gun, went to the door and opened it. She was greeted by a worried Barry Allen, who looked like he hadn’t slept in a week.

“Come to collect the evidence agai-”

“Are you okay?”

Her tongue suddenly thick and heavy in her mouth, it took her a while to find words.

“Y-yeah,” she rasped. “I’m…I’m okay, Barry.”

He swallowed and nodded, then looked down at the weapon in her hand.

“I…I should probably…”

“Yeah, of course.”

She handed it over to him, and their fingers touched, not moving for the longest time. She could barely breathe.

Barry snapped out of it first, tucking the gun into his pocket before hesitantly looking up at her.

“You handled herself really well out there, Iris.”

Her heart raced. That was the kind of glowing compliment that usually led to sex. Especially because she knew it was genuine.

“I couldn’t have done it without the Flash,” she said softly, kicking herself when she remembered that their estrangement was based on her not needing him to save her.

“You’re really okay?” he asked. That should’ve annoyed her, but the tenderness in his voice was so…

“I’m fine, Barry. I promise.”

He swallowed and nodded. She could see the wheels in his mind working, wanting to say or do something because of how long it had been. Maybe he’d been missing her as much as she’d missed him. Maybe he was using this as an excuse to see her. Hell, maybe he’d coerced the guy into trying to rob her so he could save the day. At the moment, even the latter possibility didn’t bother her.

“Well, then, I guess I should-” He started to back away.

“Are you okay, Barry?” she asked, biting her bottom lip as she leaned against the doorframe.

He stilled and met her eyes. His mouth opened and closed several times, saying everything and nothing, the same as her. She wanted to yell and cry and scream and hug him and kiss him and pull him into her apartment and make love to him just to feel his skin against hers again, hear his racing heartbeat against her ear when she laid her head on his chest.

But of course, none of that happened. It couldn’t.

“Goodnight, Barry,” she said softly, so he wouldn’t have to answer.

He smiled slightly, appreciatively. “Goodnight, Iris.”

And then he was gone. She saw the flash of red as he ran past her window and sighed as she leaned back against her door.

“The man I love is a superhero,” she whispered to herself.

Then her eyes closed, and tears soaked her eyelashes.

So close, but not close enough.

*Also posted on AO3.

#westallen #fanfiction #backtothestart02 fanfiction #fallen star #chapter 11

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