#its funny cuz id always been under the impression that im not a very good actor
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love that for some reason for my theatre studies classâ final project the two plays they gave us to choose from were, tone-wise, 4th wall breaking shitpost comedy and extremely dark harrowing accounts of world war 2 so like we had rehearsals today and my classmates were up there having a good ol time making jokes about cheating on your wife and then i went up stared the audience dead in the eyes and started delivering a fuckin magnus archives statement
#astoâs tales#i may have also gone a bit overboard for a rehearsal thats on me#if youre curious look up the spirits play by kuo pao kun it is. it is a Lot#like im not joking some parts of my groupmates scene reads EXACTLY like a tma statement for like. combination slaughter and corruption#its funny cuz id always been under the impression that im not a very good actor#i think the thing is im a lot worse at realism than. whatever this is#like the way i play my character is very. she is very Slowly But Surely Going Insane#i think some of my classmates doing the other play maybe didnt read our play cuz during our rehearsal some of them were just like đŚ#feels like thats a running theme about me. i like making people go đŚ
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when i got into the dsmp i started a note and wrote down any quotes or moments i thought were funny, and im bored at 3 am so enjoy some of them
how is being arrested real? just walk away!!!â
â âonce an american always an american. go...go protests masks...or somethingâ
â â...yEAH BUT DID YOU HAVE WAPâ âwhatâs...whats wap?â â...WORSHIP AND PRAYERâ
â âHOW DO YOU LIKE POLITICS MOTHERFUCKERâ
â âiâm nakedâ â...no youâre notâ âi can be...â
â âuhhhh iâm in a high stress situation....i deal with these poorlyâ
â âi should go first iâm nakedâ
â âyEAHHHH WE KILLED AN OLD MAN WITH HEART PROBLEMSâ
â âwhat are you going to do?â âi...have no idea i think iâm gonna start out by punching a treeâ
â âtOmmy...did i just hear you say shit ass looking mofo?â
â âi aM gOinG to gEt nAkeD to iNtiMidAtE HiMâ
- â...i want freedom !â âyou want BALLS.â
â â...down the line. yeah thatâs where we discover the art of cannibalismâ âoh itâs an art?â âitâs an artâ
â âoh thereâs some logs here. wonder what theyâre saying to me. uh huh. uh huh. oh yeah thatâs very racistâ âtommy you gotta burn those logs.â âburn âem before they spread their racism to other logsâ
â âare you pooing?â â*whisper* iâm charging up-ââ âheâs ejaculating on the tent.â âheâs WHAT?â
â âheâs sPEEDING. LOOK HOW FAST HES GOINGâ âiâve taken so many drugs. someone tell badboyhaloâ
â âwe should make a pact. and that pact is, uh, we make a book...and in that book...we declare that saying âmuffinâ is a, is a slurâ
â âi was thinking what if one day your bladder just,,,,stopped working.....AGGGFFFFF i was tHINKING ABOUT THAT THE OTHER DAY IVE GOT TO PREPARE IVE GOT YO PREPARE thisiswhydiapersaintthatbadâ
â <sapnap> i think i was ordered to um
<tommyinnit> boobed
<sapnap> kill you
<tommyinnit> boobs
<sapnap> if this happens
<tommyinnit> think about boobs man
<sapnap> tsk tsk tommy
<tommyinnit> iM DISGRUNTLED
â âwhy is this deadman so good at making drugsâ
â âi just learnt that a girl hero is called a heroine and it freaked me outâ
â âmemento memento me-â âthatâs actually the worst word i know so you canât keep saying thatâ âoh, really.....? have you ever heard the term âracistâ?â
â âthe person who invented the phrase âbe yourselfâ hadnât met you!â
â âyou seem like the type of guy whose dad would throw him overboard as a joke but he would just drownâ
â âshout out to dream for twerking!â
â âletâs talk......letâs talk about sexâ âwonderful. what do you think about sex, lazarbeam?â âi ainât saying SHIT in front of a sixteen year oldâ
â âwhat the- i think iâm seeing thingsâ â....tommy i told you not to drink the sea waterâ âwell i DID drink the sea water because it TOLD ME TOâ
â âitâs like the movie when that guy gets stranded on an island and has sex with a coconutâ âwhAT?? dream- dream, you vastly misinterpreted thisâ âit one hundred percent doesâ
â âoh mastICATE.....isnât that when a fish turns inside out?â
â âwhat are some bad words YOU know, clay?â âi donât-â âwhat about âterroristâ?â
â âmy mind has to be on the same frequency as jesus when he walked on waterâ
â âyou wanna know why i was late?â âno i really do-â âi was having a MASSIVE poo. really just a HUGE pooâ
â âjUST CUZ YOU TALK ABOUT POO ONCE AND THEN YOU SEE A BIG GREEN BASTARD AMD YOUR LIFE IS FLASHING BEFORE YOUR EYES AND THEN YOU CANT REMEMBER- YOU CANT REMEMBER IF IT WAS YESTERDAY OR TOMORROW YOU HURT THAT WOMANâ
â âi love america. mmmmm patriotism
â âLIFE IS NOT A HAPPY SONG KERMIT THE FROGâ
â âplease stop taking the cockâ
â âtwo four six eight who do we appreciate? not the government letâs goooooooâ
â âoooo look at the dogsđâ âwHAAAAAT. WHAT. THERES ACTUALLY LIKE. A MILLION DOGS HERE. WHAT THE HELL.â
â âyeahhhhh bitch i stab- i donât stab women-â âwoooooooah tommy you stab women?â âheyyyy sapnapâ
â âdo you know what happens whne you reach the top of the ladder? thereâs only one place to go.â â.....side to sideđ¨â âdown.â â...i really thought you were gonna say side to sideđĽşâ
â âone last time.â âjust like in hamiltonđâ
â âyou donât know how many times iâve mistaken trees for hot womenâ
â â i donât feel better i just destroyed penisâ
â âiâve never seen a snail with bad moralsâ
â âawwwwwwwwđ˘ iâm doinâ drugs𤧠just like the good olâ daysđâ â.....define the âgood old daysââ âback when i did drugsâ
â âhave you ever fought a baby? i have and it was trivially easy to defeat, phil.â
â âthe only other i egg i know about was the one i learnt about in school....not allowed to say which one....â
â âdid you know one of my new years resolutions is to be more like 2010 justin bieber?â
â âapparently cats donât lay eggsâ
â âthinking about trees- if i saw a tree with a beard mmmmmm...holy shit id hit itâ
â âweâre in hell dude. science doesnât matter hereâ
â âi cant die i cant die iâm GODâ
â âhey pig your letter is the same as pussy, hmm?â
â âare we cool are we COOL guys? CRYSTAL COOL like CRYSTAL METHâ
â âhe- heâs crying because - because i killed his mother isnât that right? mother dearest mother deadest mother gonestâ
â âbro ive been drinking since i was six and let me tell you...itâs not good to be drinking that young. led to some poor life decisions when i was 8â âwhat did you doâ âi cant sayâ â...who did you hurtâ â....only myselfâ
â âje suisâ âay i know what that mean you prickâ âwhat does it meanâ âit means youâre racist dickheadâ
â âiâd never poo in the presence of a women- which is why iâm scared to get a girlfriend i think iâd just explodeâ
â âbiff tannen is one of my idolsâ
â âblack widow died and i thought âwow it shouldâve been the manâ because heâs a manâ
â âthereâs a character called captain america and i think heâs stupidâ
â âiâm a GOOD LAD iâve got GOOD MORALS and if iâve DONE SOMETHING WRONG it WASNT MY FAULT I JUST GOT A LITTLE EXCITEDâ
â âsam....whatâs the longest youâve ever wiped your arse? for me itâs 48 minutesâ
â âwhy are you standing in the shitter?â â....thatâs a SINKâ âuhhh welllllâ âhAVE YOU SHAT IN THE SINK?????â
â âyouâre like a living ghostâ â...i think thatâs called a human, tubboâ
â âmaybe i accidentally kill ranboo and we just never see him again *laughs* ay? and then i go âapril foooools!!!â and then i kill their child. i kill himâ
â âyou built a penisâ âitâs a PENIS OF SAFETYâ
â âi saw the penis of safety and i pressed mouse button four my friendâ
â âthe penis on the other side of the river is largerâ âive heard that before....â
â âyouâve turned the penis into a wallâ âa wall of safety is better than a penis of safetyâ âi think the penis was betterâ
â âif you wanna make a penis i know where we can make a penis and i know how big we can make itâ
â âi donât conceptualize death but i think i just saw it!â
â âyeah i- yeah i know iâm- my first impression on eret was making him read a shrek fan fiction so- iâm not one for first impressionsâ
â âi-iâm scared for him- iâm scared OF him. yknow the first thing he did when he saw me was imMEDIATELY strip down then jump off then immediately die?â
â âwhere are you?â âgetting stabbed, one secondâ
â âyouâve seen the joker?â âyea-â âi resonate a lot with that manâ â...oH. oh. thatâs- thatâs not-â
â âhe bURNT DOWN MY HOUSEâ âout of LOVEâ
â âohhhh my god stop making me play with the neighbor kidâ âo-okay if you donât go play with him iâm kicking you out of the house-â âwHAT THE FUCK???â
â âthereâs a STRIP CLUBâ âoh yeah for wood!â âare you into strippers?â âi mean all it does is make the wood look different so....yeah it doesnât really do muchâ
â âno no we have categories, we have the poo-saster- you might have to take a shower after-â âno, no iâm gonna stop you right thereâ
â âas i was saying you can have a 1-to-3 wiper, thatâs an A-tier poo, my friendâ
â âi want you to eat your sockâ
â âyou know iâm a child- iâm a minorâ âsO AM I DICKHEADâ
â âeveryone is calling you dresusâ âyeah i amâ
â âayyyy ayyyy los DROGAS LOS DROGASâ âno no big q- sheâs thirteen- how does this happen with every 13 year old girl you meet?â
â âmy poo has muscles like i doâ
â âi cant hear the words among us without crying theyâll say there are aliens among us and in the back youll just hear me *choking noises*â
â âtubbo...tubbo is like...tubbo is like maryâ â.....did you just call me the Virgin Mary?â
â âiâm just saying, have you ever seen me and jesus in the same room?â
â âdo you smoke samâ âall the timeâ
â âi thought you were talking about the- the speeeeed drugâ
â âhave you ever sold drugs to kids sam?â â......noâ
â âwe canât let the girlboss rule because she will gatekeepe my feelingsâ âthat would not be goodâ
â âTHEY DIDNT INVITE ME TO KILL ME???? NOW I HAVE FOMOâ
â âyou have obviously taken part in scientology-â âi have not-â âyouâve donated to tom cruises cult shitâ
â â....am i worse than david dobrik?â âare- are we worse than david dobrik?â âoh- oh godâ
â âhe has broke one of the rules of the hit best seller âthe bible���- this kind of looks like a cockâ
â âwell iâve moved now, KINGâ
â âwhat is an angsty teen and am i one? because when i USED to hang out with my friends they use the word angst a lotâ
â âyeah yeah yeah i benchâ
â âsam i think iâm angsty i think iâm an angsty tik tok teen looking for a community to help me outâ
â âi donât think youâve followed the train of logic all the way-â âthereâs a TRAIN INVOLVED????????â
â âiâm like the orange fucker from that animated rom comâ
â âiâm under the influence of big cockâ
â âitâs meeee big cock manâ
â âi cant look awayâ âsam please use your twitter alt for thisâ âheâs horny on maaaainnnnnâ âand whatâs wrong with that?â â.......â
â âyouâre a FUCKING IDIOTâ âIM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT, BIG COCKâ
â âiâm gonna call you âcockityâ big cockâ âsHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP-â
â âSTOP LOOKING AT ITâ âITS SO VIBRANTâ
â âat least this guy doesnât have a cock-â âitS NOT A COCKâ âhorny on main jesus-â
â âis that a cockâ âSHUT THE FUCK UPâ
â â.....i wanna see the inside of it again do a splitâ
â âokay sam-â âtommy that guy wants your cock-â âno- no he doesnât samâ
â âsam, sam and i need you to hear this....dont. act. up.â âi donât act up-â âyou were acting up-â âi-â âyou were caught in 8k.â âbut- but we both agree itâs not a tie-â
â âplease donât tell me to kill cockity i am overwhelmedâ
â âwhy is there an anus in my tie?â
â âwhat are the legal implications of this?â â...i mean besides hell youâre goodâ
â âwhatre the legal implications?â âi mean usually thatâs a no-no but today, today itâs fineâ âyeahhh lets go murder his familyâ
â âiâd be an antivax landlordâ
â âjesus never does drugsâ âwell- well you turned water into wine king and wine is alcoholâ
â âcan you put on pants i canât- i cant stop looking at it- sorry tommy i know you said-â âyeah sam i know you tried-â
â âyou know i fuck with satanâ
â âiâm sorry jesus lucifer is just such a good man-â âoh you- hold me BACK FROM THIS FUCKER HOLD ME BACK ILL SEND HIM TO HELL YOU LIKE HELL-â
â âare you jesus or just a man who grew a beard and put on a suit?â
â âeven the guy with his cock out is telling you to stop-â âoh jesus, and i mean jesus-â âshUT THE FUCK UP MANâ
â âthe best best way to slander him is to stop his offspring; we need to kick him the balls.....no? not a good....? alright us four each take a ball-â
â â......why did jesus give him four scrotums manđđâ
#1011.speaks#dream#dreamwastaken#georgenotfound#technoblade#tommyinnit#tubbp#ranboo#wilbur#wilbur soot#karl#karl jacobs#philza#philza minecraft#sapnap#quackity#big q#awesamdude#ponk#punz#foolish gamers#eret#slimecicle#dream smp#dsmp#dreamsmp#lore#mcyt
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