#its from the backlog im afraid

[ochiody]

@stardayzzing hi i drew ur helios hope you dont mind

[thirteenducks]

feverish

(wriothesley x wife!reader) [sfw]

༻❁༺ content: fem!reader (reader is referred to by ‘wife’ and "she/her"), established relationship, marriage, reader has hair long enough to reach neck

༻❁༺ word count: ~1.5k

༻❁༺ tags: sickfic, banter while sick, this is just wrio taking care of you and being a butt while doing it, feat. sigewinne who does not get paid enough for this, if you are sick and reading this rn im so sorry and i hope you get well soon, coldsink wrio x heatsource wife agenda

༻❁༺ author’s note: my friend @mmmairon is sick and i am in another country and cannot help so i'm sending wrio on my behalf. pls enjoy especially if you don't feel well right now :(

After a restless night, Wriothesley is thrilled to hear that you're awake now. He wastes no time in rushing to your side.

Wriothesley’s pen scratches unpleasantly against a disciplinary notice, its point threatening to carve into the wood of the desk beneath. The owner mutters darkly under his breath as he completes a signature on the offending paper and slides it to his left. Immediately, another takes its place from the stack on his right.

For two hours, nothing else has broken the quiet of the Duke’s office. Two hours too long, by Wriothesley’s measure. He glances at the clock, hand continuing to sign his name by sheer muscle memory.

Are you getting any rest? Did the chamomile from your tea an hour ago help at all, or are the throes of fever keeping you awake? Does he have the right ingredients to make you beef stew? Preoccupied, he writes “soup” on the signature line of a prisoner release form by mistake.

He sighs, pinching the crooked bridge of his nose between his fingers. They’re as cold as ever. He misses the warmth of yours unspeakably.

The next thirty minutes pass like an eternity. Surely, Sigewinne would be at his side in an instant if you were awake. His presence there now would only serve to wake you from much-needed rest and defer his backlog of paperwork even more. Neither of these points keeps him from staring the clock down like he’s in the ring again.

Suddenly, there’s a quiet knock on his door and Wriothesley snaps to attention, nearly knocking over an inkwell in his haste. Sigewinne enters without his bidding, an unreadable expression on her kind face. She doesn’t wait for his question before she answers it.

“Yes, the tea put her to sleep, and yes, she’s awake now.”

His features relax in a moment, the furrow in his brow smoothing.

“I’m afraid she’s not any better than she was this morning, however. I would have really liked to see her fever come down by now...” The Melusine trails off, her small hand on her chin and a pout on her face. “The chill probably isn’t doing her much good, either.”

Her boss, however, is already halfway downstairs, pulling his coat on as he takes the steps two at a time. Sigewinne sighs as she turns to follow him at a much slower pace. So predictable when his wife is involved.

In contrast to the speed at which he crosses the fortress to your shared living quarters, Wriothesley’s steps are soft as he nears your bedroom door.

“Sweetheart? Are you up?”

A weak cough answers him. He’s by the bedside in a moment, kneeling and pushing aside the curtain that hides you from him. Your eyes squint a bit as the sickly light of the fortress filters in, and his hand moves up to shield your face as he appears in your field of vision.

Despite the red ringing your eyes and nose and the congestion in your breathing, you smile up at him and his heart almost jumps out of his chest.

“Hi, darling.”

The side of his mouth quirks up. “Hi. Feeling any better?”

You shake your head slightly, your hair fanning out on the pillow beneath you. He silently gathers it in one hand and moves it away from your neck as he waits for you to continue. The brush of his cool hand against your flushed skin feels incredible and you bring your hand to rest on his, a silent entreaty to keep it there.

“Sigewinne says I’m in the worst of it now and that from here-” you stop to cough, Wriothesley’s eyes raking over your frame as it shakes with the effort. “-from here it should be uphill. As long as I can rest up today.”

He pushes the hair back from your forehead with his other hand, stroking it absentmindedly. “Well, we’ll have to stick it out until tomorrow then, huh?” The grin he shoots you, all teeth, does more for you than you think any of the medicine on your bedside table has.

That’s why you’re as surprised as he is when the tears start to roll down your cheeks. You hadn’t even known they were there until now, but suddenly it’s so much harder to breathe than it was and Wriothesley is a swimming blur in front of you. The shooting pain in your head, dulled to an ache until now, comes back in full force as your body curls in on itself and your temple meets your husband’s shoulder.

You don’t know if you’re crying from the headache, from exhaustion, or from something else, and your mind is too foggy to care. All you can do is be held as his arms come to rest firmly around you and he pulls you to him, murmuring words of comfort.

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry... I wish I could do more.” Your hands grip his collar a little tighter as you sob into the juncture of his neck and shoulder. “I know, love. You’ll feel better soon, I promise. Sigewinne and I are gonna take care of everything, okay?”

There’s an edge of concern to his voice that you can hear even through the haze of sickness. You hate it. It’s likely just the seasonal flu; half the Fortress has had it at some point this winter. The thought of how much you were making him worry over something so small as this...

“I know what you’re thinking. Stop it,” Wriothesley gently reprimands, his cool fingers stroking your forehead again. You can feel the cold metal of his wedding ring against the heated skin. “You’re not being a baby about anything. You hear me?”

Your silence speaks volumes. He laughs a little, the sound loud in the silence of your bedroom. “I know you well, don’t I?”

It takes a while for your tears to completely subside. When you’re finished sniffling against his collar, he props you up against the headboard with pillows behind your back. You’re more congested than ever, something your husband has the nerve to laugh at as he hands you tissues, but there’s no unkindness in his tone.

He disappears into the kitchen for a few minutes as you doze, exhausted from the effort of crying for so long. When he eases the door open again, he’s carrying a tray with a teacup and pot (of course) and a bowl of something that smells warm and comforting.

“Hmm. Excellent room service this place has. The waiter is a little scruffy, though,” you say as Wriothesley places it on your lap, tucking in the covers around you.

He gives you a fake look of injury. “How dare you, ma’am. I’ll have you know I’m too worried about my wife to shave, who I’m afraid is deathly ill,” he sighs, stroking the stubble on his jaw. He spoons soup into your mouth before you can retort, stifling a smile.

Once you’ve drained half the soup, Wriothesley seems satisfied. He removes the tray from your lap and takes your hand, bringing it to his own forehead.

“Oh, no. How awful.” He shoots you a glance. “It appears the Duke of the Fortress has come down with something.”

You raise an eyebrow. His forehead is as cool as the rest of him is. “Really.”

“Oh, yes,” he says, flopping onto your lap. “It looks like he’ll be out of the office for the rest of the day.”

You laugh, wincing when it makes your head throb. “The Duke sounds like a slacker, if you ask me.”

“Well, everyone knows that,” Wriothesley murmurs, burying his face into your thigh. “They’ll have to tell my boss about it.” You feel him grin against your leg.

You sigh, feigning exasperation. “What a shame. I was just about to ask him to dinner, too.”

Wriothesley has migrated to his side of the bed by now and is nestling into your side with the stubbornness of a dog. “Don’t worry, I hear he’s a messy eater. Absolute carnivore.”

Your hands come to rest on his head, the soft grey strands tickling your palms. “You know you’re going to get sick, right? I’m highly contagious.”

No answer.

“You’re the head of the Fortress, Wrio. If you get laid up, Sigewinne might put a bounty out on you. She seems like the type.”

Your husband murmurs into your side, already half-asleep. “She’ll have to catch me first.”

Despite your many blankets and the body next to you, a sudden chill runs through you and you stiffen. He feels it, arms tightening around your waist.

“Fever pills are on the bedside in the white bottle. Water is next to it.”

You smile. “Thank you, darling.” He hums in response.

A few days later, you’re well enough to leave your room again. Sigewinne would be thrilled, if not for your husband, who looks more smug than any sick man has a right to be.

He sniffles, burrowing into your sheets again as the Melusine glares daggers at him. “I’ll be fine. My wife loves me and I have leftover soup in the fridge. What else does a man need?”

[archivebottles]

hi hi!!! I'm absolutely insane about your art lolz

what kind of stuff goes into your art? I'd love to get some insight on your style bc I'm definitely so normal about it hahaha.

anyways have a nice day!!! :3

hmm good question! i do actually put a lot of thought into my art (although sometimes it doesnt feel like it when im drawing it lol)

i dont have a fancy tutorial or infographic for my inspirations but for me though a lot of my inspiration is just 'what i think looks nice' i saw thicker lines and i thought 'oh i like that on my art i dont think i like using thin ones' or 'oh textured brushes feel much more fun to use!' ive been drawing for a long time and esp recently ive been taking a lot more time to test out new things and also i have been drawing digitally for a LONG time and that time has helped me figured out my art style

although it appears no matter how different i think im making my art looks people seem to know my style in some spaces ha ha

honestly my biggest think i look at many different things for inspiration. Mediums have all sort of genres in them! books! music! games! movies! other peoples art/art history! dont be afraid to mash things together. think fantasy could have something more? make it from a creatures perspective because you loved to read warrior cats as a kid. i really like character design! and concept art i remember looking at the concept art for metroid prime 2 echoes and being so amazed as a kid and because i like thinking about concepts and 'building on an idea' i like to make redesigns of my fav characters (and also i have ocs of my own ofc lol)

for me it was one thing to build a character from the ground up(i never liked taking an existing character and making them my oc by tweaking some stuff) and its another to say 'hm how i can i add something i like to this design that already exists on its own?' (which i think is such a fun exercise)

as for how i come up with designs that where it gets a little complicated. i sort of got into the habit of doing these designs bc i was reluctant to look up refs so i liked to guess to fill in the cracks. this isnt exactly ideal and i dont do this to so much of a degree now but having a hug backlog of inspirations sets me up for a launchpad on where to look for something i think fits that character (color, setting, style, etc)

unfortunately i do not have a list of famous artists i take inspiration from i played gacha games during my college art history (sorry) but i do like the use of horror vacui in art! its the fear of open spaces so its a lot of patterns and designs all cramped together its my fav thing but im also trying to force myself to leave more spaces open lol

uh this post is long as hell i can be more specific if you need me to the tldr is 90% of my art decisions are 'i think it looks nice :)'

[sephmonet]

January’s Reading List

I promised myself that i would keep tabs on all the things I read this year, both on and off tumblr. Also - this shines light on some amazing authors that I’ve come across and don’t want to forget. If you’d rather not be tagged (because if you’re on this list, it means im legit reading every fic you pump out LMAO) please let me know!

This one is starting off mostly as a backlog, because I should’ve done this earlier... Oops.

also i can’t, for the life of me, ever recall fics off of the top of my head.

This is in no particular order other than what I can find off of my blog and my pc tabs - i have 3 million open at all times.

The Last of Us

abby love spell by @ohcaptains

 This abby x reader fic is literally the first I’ve ever read because I def wasn’t an abby stan. This entire fic is perfection from head to toe, legit smutty perfection. The longing, the desperation, the banter is just so great and I can’t recommend this one enough.

miss sunshine by @nexusnyx

I’ve read a lot of Joel fics, being a longtime Joel lover. (Seriously, I’ve been in love with this man since I was 13.) This one is my all time favorite, hands down. I love the dynamic here, I love how the author takes the characterization of Joel miller and makes it better. I especially love that Sunshine is a nickname given to her by him and not Sarah.

Everything here is perfect for me. No qualms. I read it every couple of days.

Call of Duty (MWII)

yours to keep by @mvtthewmurdvck

In lieu of authors turning me onto characters that I never thought I’d like, this one is divine. Definitely helps that they accidentally used my actual nickname but, even without it, this fic is just so deliciously sexy and real. I could write paragraphs on how much I love this story.

Softly by @littleferal

This Rudy fic accompanies another two amazing fics, but this specifically highlights Rudy featuring a little bit of Ale. The Las Almas boys are so well done in this authors hands. They truly nailed how gentle and attentive a lover Rudy can be. The sugar and spice dynamic of Rudy and Ale is perfection here.

Simon Says & Daddy’s Home by @emomanswhore

For these to be their only two fucking fics on this site, holy shit.

Author came out that bitch SWINGING. I remember these two fics being the first real ghost x reader that I felt really strongly about because its the first time I ever really got into a reblogging stint. Ontop of a black coded and bratty!reader, Gods. These two stories keep my horny ass up at night. Point blank.

“its so hot when you talk back” by @gh0stswh0re

Speaking of smut that keeps me up at night.. this is some toe-curling stuff. I love brat tamer!Ghost so much. This author captures his filthy fucking mouth so well.

Untitled Konig Drabble by @luxuryberzatto

Listen... Between Konig and Price.. those two are fighting rn for White Boy of the Month for me. But this drabble??? I think i’d have to let Konig have the “Bear” title. Just this once.. author made him begging sound so sexy.

Her heart was the most Beautiful Thing I Ever Broke by @day0walker​

This is an ongoing Price series that I just can’t wait to really dig into. I’ve read the first few chapters and, I have to say, Im afraid this might become one of my favorites for my main man. Perfect, so far, in every way. The banter is top tier.

Price’s Masterlist by @yeyinde

Literally feeds us so much. The Price girlies are forever in this authors favor. Everything they write for that man is so delicious, so fucking ambrosial that i’ll literally put down what Im doing to read what they’ve written for him.

Ghosts and Mirages Masterlist by @stararch4ngelqueen

Still ongoing series, but its so good. Nothing has fed me more than this series for Ghost right here. It’s quite literally a masterpiece. I’ve never felt more emotion for a series than this one right here. PERFECT.

Misc. Characters

Blossom Dearie by @nymphlamp

Carmy is SO good in this Authors hands. So perfect. This fic turned me into such a carmy girl that it isn’t even funny and I should actually go to a therapist about it. Such beautiful writing. Also another black coded!reader <3

Morning by @write-and-buried​

This is a Dieter Bravo fic and.. Whew lord this, and the second part of it is sooooooo fucking hot. I still haven’t seen whatever movie this is yet but by Gods does this fic make me want to dive headfirst into it.

The Fire in Your Eyes Series by @flamehairedwritings​

such a good series for Aurthur Morgan. So well fucking done with so many emotions. Beautiful and meaningful writing.

Off of Tumblr

Safe House by Alternate_Alien

Another ongoing price fic... but Bodyguard!Price dealing with a bratty!reader??? Cmooooon now. Its too good.

Lady of Rooksgrave Manor by Kathryn Moon

Reverse harems are such a guilty pleasure of mine. This turned me into a monster fucker.. Im not sorry.

[tom-is-online]

just so ppl know i am always taking asks :)

HOWEVER

i am at work like all day all week so it might take a bit cuz I've still got my backlog of asks from a bit ago so i WILL GET TO THEM

i get no free time for the next couple days but its ok cuz im being paid (i reek of coffee rn)

BUT WHEN I GET TIME I WILL GET TO MY INBOX SO DONT BE AFRAID TO PUT SHIT THERE just know it may take a hot second

[thelastevilregal]

oh my god you want hear about problems? i have SO many problems and my Work Therapist just moved to miami so i have a backlog

so .. back in october i accidentally. slept with my housemate uhh not realizing she had had feelings for me for like a year and a half and we ended up dating for like 2 months. i realized i wanted to break it off around thanksgiving but didnt work up the nerve until the new year partly bc i got hit by a car early december and had to get her to pick me up from the er and then she did a lot to take care of me after and. AHH.

im ok now also but. i broke up w her right after we both got back from visiting our families for xmas and i was like i HAVE to do it tonight bc we had scheduled a 'roommate mtg' w all 4 of us to confront our other bitch roommate over how shitty she was acting and i was like. if i dont do this now then our relationship is going to come up in this talk. and i cant sit and defend us while actively wanting to break up ykkkkk?? ughh i felt so bad for it but the straw that had broke the camels back with bitch roommate was that when i told her that me and ex were dating, the cunt had the nerve to pull a face and say "yikes" before slamming the bathroom door in my face. then 15 seconds later yank it open again and snark "you couldnt have said something before we moved to a new place?" i was like "bitch its been a week wtf are you talking about" and she slammed the door again. as though id been dating my ex in 'secret' for like 6 months since our last apt???? IM not the one whos weird and cagey about my sex life. bitch roommate is the one who lied to me about being a virgin for some reason and then actively hid her sex life from me for the next 4 years in order to maintain that lie, as though i give a single solitary shit who or if she fucks????

but so bitch roommate and i did not speak again until the roommate meeting. at the end of which i was like 'k ig lemme clear the air about dnd' (i had my dm kick her out of my dnd group—they are MY friends to begin with and we were starting a new campaign with a much paired down party specifically bc we didnt want roommate bs at the table. the morning after he did she TEXTED me at 6:22am like 'i know youre afraid of conflict but this is fucking weird if you have a problem say it to me' as though cheap jabs will get me to talk to you. obviously i ignored her). cunt had the nerve to go 'yeah what was that about?' as though she really had no idea what she couldve done. im like bitch wtfym what was that about?? have you not noticed we havent spoken in 2 months?? she gave a half hearted 'i guess im sorry' when i told her she had been so far out of pocket it was ridiculous.

but again. id also broken up w my ex the night before all of that. so she had been planning to micromanage the shit out of this conversation and then ended up being an emotional wreck. i felt so bad but i was like i HAD to yknow???? she said we could go back to being friends......

so that was 2 months ago now. i 'gave her space' for the first few weeks (p much avoiding being at the house like i had when i was actively avoiding bitch roommate) and its been several weeks since ive like. checked in with her emotionally. shes finally started acting more normal around me again, mostly at my queue. she watched alien with me last weekend. opposite end of the couch, where she used to lean her head on my shoulder before we dated. although actually maybe that was a romantic feelings thing?? fuck. i dont know how to know if im being like, callous by just acting like things are the same as before, or if i should be doing something different, and its hard bc we have opposite work schedules so i dont see her most days anyway and idk how to talk to her about it. we havent gone into each others bedrooms beyond talking in the doorways since breaking up, but like it feels like a conversation we need to have in private, no?? ughhhhhhh i hate this. idk how to prompt this, nor what i actually need to ask her to begin with..... just like, are we actually okay, yknow?

my old work therapist thought my problems were hilarious. like an american telanovela. i was like well at least someone is enjoying this situation :/

You know I don't think I can even give you any terrible advice for this situation. Sounds like you got that part handled. Just keep doing what you're doing 💯

[evellys--blog]

honestly lviing

okay, ive kinda been on a pause with posting, and its mainly bc of me being afraid of pushing an image that i dont care about the political landscape, that i dont care about the people going through genocides, exploitation, capitalism, and colonialism right now, and I do, its on my mind 24/7, and im trying to refocus a *lot* of what im doing in life to being more about volunteering, community building, local events, stuff like that, but I just wanted this blog to be a simple, almost journal like experience, where I just write down whatever i want at the end of the day, yk? but no, i became so self-absorbed, so egotistical, with nothing too lmao, no followers, no reach at all, that i just stopped posting my own stuff, just to maintain my "image." which imo is much worse than just being honest about not doing very much irl to help, which feels sad to admit, but im rlly not doing much at all, and idk why i havent, but im spending each day learning and trying to extend more.

It's hard lol, ive spent basically my whole life being walled off, like fuckin self-isolationist, and not taking v much risks at all, i stayed alone the majority of quarantine, i stayed alone majority before quarantine. Yk the meme of like "my life was the same during covid" that spread a bit during the earlier days of it? yeah thats how i felt lmao. Then I justified it to myself with "oh im an introvert," "oh im just an infp lol," "i dont need people," and i just am alienated from everyone, recently not as much, but def its still there. Ive had this feeling of craving for community for a few months now, almost a year, and it feels like ive made so little progress. Everything i do feels like it takes twice the amount of time it takes anyone else, I dont even know why, (lol rant ahead prob) like its so annoying seeing ur friends make excellent music or make a great video game, and ur stuck fucking learning how to code physics for the 3rd fcuking time, it irritates me so fucking much and then schoolwork i procrastinate to the point where almost everything i turn in is late, so it just backlogs and i cant make any meaningful creative projects, but then bc of that im too fucking depressed and seeking gratification that i just procrastinate more, so then i never learn any real skills and im fucking boring and i cant fucking communicate so im fucking awkward around ppl and then it just alienates me from my friends more and its just this stupid fucking cycle and. ugh. anyways. it should not be this hard. it really should not be this hard. most of its on me. but i really dont fucking know. I'm learning, im rlly learning as much as i can but i feel like im fucking clueless.

peace and love, and Free Free Palestine! Within our Lifetime!!!

[letter-to-a-friend]

backlog cont.

10/15 I woke up Incredibly depressed today, but I can't tell you that, I said I would stop making it your problem. We've talked so little these last few days I'm afraid I'll lose my person. I know I'm just being needy, I'm sorry. It's okay if you want to leave me behind to be happy, I'm probably just baggage to you right now. I didn't mention it before but I haven't been eating the laste few days. I'm down to 187lbs. I've had nothing to eat but eggs and and a can of soup each day, if that. I want to eat, but just can't. I think I need help, but I can never tell you.

You told me not long ago that you were sabotaging dates because you were leaving a window open for [ex], how else am I supposed to look back on our time together as anything but that? You sabotaged our relationship, and got back together with [ex] because that's what you wanted in the first place, you never really tried to love me because you were always in love with [ex]

10/16 I forgot to write you yesterday, but not really. I had written out what I wanted to say for our talk but I didn't end up using it. I'll paste it after this but first- you fucking cheated on me man? Are you serious? You left me for another guy weeks Into it, that's not enough time to know Jack shit, much less that you can never come to love someone. The feeling I thought was love is all gone now, but that still hurts man. That's fucked up, and now I don't think I can ever fully trust you again. I don't love you, but once upon a time I did and you stomped on that love for a man who broke your heart again, and honestly? You deserved it for that. And the me of right now hopes he breaks your heart this time too because of it.

The letter: Honestly I'm a little upset with you right now. I took a look back at the timeline of events and it Honestly makes me feel really used. We broke up on 6/6, and started talking again on 6/20, and from then until you broke up with connor on 8/4 you never told me you were in a relationship which leads me to believe you got back together within that 14 day period of us not talking. You said recently that you felt you were sabotaging tinder dates bc you were still holding out for [ex], and I feel like you did that with me too. It really feels like, back then, you were always waiting for [ex], and you were just wanting someone to vent your sexual frustration from being with him. It only took you from 8/4(when you broke up, and also when we began talking like before) to 8/8 to tell me that you were still sexually attracted to me to the point you couldn't look me in the eyes and until 8/31 for you to tell me you were wanting sex from me. And just a little while ago, we hooked up on 9/30, and you got back together with connor on 10/9. With you so quickly going from being intimate with me, breaking up, getting with [ex], back to sex with me, to being back together, it makes me feel a little used. I know I consented to just fwb and that I was the ultimate initiator, and I know we've done things outside of sex, but almost every time we met up and you weren't on your period, we hooked up. As you've said, you're a very horny person, and that's fine I am too, but part of the reason I want this thing with you and [ex] to either last forever or never happen again is because 3 is a pattern man; if you guys break up, and we end up going back to fwb, and you get back together with him, I'll feel even more like just an outlet for your sexual frustration, who just so happens to play games with you sometimes. I consented to fwb until we found partners, but looking back i feel more like I was just filling the void [ex] left and thats very different. And im not saying fwb is bad, or that i was wanting something more, it was just sex- its the speed at which you changed gears that makes me feel this way. You said you could live without sex for him[context: hes sexually attracted to men, but want a relationship with her to the point hes asked to be poly], but I'm not so sure with how quickly you asked for it after you left the relationship. I know how much you've said you cherish our friendship, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm only here because you don't want to be alone. This is made even worse that you got upset at me when i said i was a little concerned that you would drop me when you got another bf, but when you got back with [ex] you told me that you had done that in the past once already. Sure, there was other things going on with [ex bff], but you got upset at me over a fear you later told me was kinda warrented. I'm not saying that this IS the case, just that this is how the everything is making me feel. I feel like I'm only "precious" because I've given you what you want in emotional support and sex when [ex] wasn't there for you. I feel like you only really want one person in your life, and when they aren't there you settle for me until they come back. How could I not when you move so fast?...1/2

[iloknalem]

Its almost 11 PM in the library.

The ceiling, checkeredly patterned, with light fixtures in some of the squares, beaming down to the adequately illuminated, neatly packed tables. The library. It's "residents", slowly dwindling in numbers, as they one by one go home, internally smiling after one days worth of good work, while the rest, a number of them, are still left here, continuing their business, burning the midnight oil. The library.

Today is quite a cold day at the end of August, The HVAC systems sets itself accordingly, maintaining the internal temperature quite close to the outside, as to not give shock, making the Library somewhat chilly.

I forced myself to continue this draft of my thoughts, as I have not been able to do any studies today. This might be a multi day entry, I don't think ill be able to complete it in one go.

•

So, where do we go from here, now that you're so far away, knowing you feels like a lifetime ago. What should we do, when you avoid me like the plague.

•

It took me, quite a while, to give, to make some kind of order to my thoughts. To process my feelings. All has been sitting in the backlog, due to the impending Klausur and work I still have.

Today is a Thursday, which means I get to do my weekly meetings with my colleagues at work. The PR team is not as cohesive as it can be yet, but its getting there. We're planning to post some changes to our Instagram accounts. I hope it will go out soon.

•

Your reason, I respect it. I think its a good reason because it's honest.

I really dont want to think that you would want to just throw things up in the bin, all that we have. Youre just being true to your feelings, and thats something commendable. But still. "Gue sayang, tapi ngga romantically", what a blow that..... what KIND of fucked up lessons of life was this?

I really wonder when you said those words, does it means that i need to try to give what you actually want instead of what i thought you want, or that i havent tried hard enough for you, for us. Or maybe you expect me to be someone im not, to fill a triangle shaped hole he left you with my round shaped love. Or maybe, there is just no deeper meaning to it.

Wouldn't you want to just give us some more time, to make things work, to maybe carve the hole in our hearts slowly into a fucked up rounded triangle. I tried to, I don't know if you noticed nor care, and I didn't now if it was enough or not. Apparently its not enough for you I see.

You, having those kind of idealism of love, is that really realistic? Would anyone be able to accomplish that? Those kind of things hindered me on living back then, and so ive decided far long ago that true love doesn't exist, at least not in that sense.

Love for me, its just a matter of checks and balances, make compensations, but for a positive net outcome, and with all the hardships and problems, it looks like i've been tipped over.

Whats not enough from me? Is it because of how i look? How i do things? I've asked you whether im enough in your books or not. Did your answer comes out only to please me? Maybe I shouldn't have pressed you into the corner with this question back then.

I really want to know why I'm not enough, but at the same time, im also afraid to know, and face the realities. Being comfortable with myself, and accepting myself, has been a long unending journey for me, and i don't exactly want to jeopardize that either.

•

Its already the next week. I kept on postponing to post this one, as i dont have time, nor the energy, nor the capacity to continue on, assembling, this feeling of mine. I need to function.

This week is a hot week, which usually means it's the last hurrah of summer, before we slowy saunter into autumn.

Today, is also a Thursday. There's a new girl at the office, working at my department. Not exactly my type, but she seems fun and much more gen z-ish. She has much more knowledge about how Instagram works so its a fresh breath of air at the meeting today. Finally, were going somewhere interesting...

•

When you said all of that, did you consider how I would feel?

Did you try to see from my perspective, who see, someone I trusted, to see all the things we had, turn 180 degrees in a few moments, or in a few words in that matter.

I really wonder what runs through your mind when you finally said it. Did you consider about softening it up? Or did you think that brutal honesty is just the better way?

Did you even consider my feelings at all?

I hope you did, I want to believe you did, and sorry for making you do the hard part if you did.

And if you didn't, remember when i hesitate everytime we make plans? This. This is why.

And i dont know if you wholly catch it before, this is a big deal for me, something im afraid of, having someone i trust, just, go away with the wind, right under my nose. Even worse, right when i need them.

Betrayal of the highest order.

Didn't you promise to come back to me? You promised to fix things up? Were you contemplating about this thing since a long time? Was all of it just a lie?

Was it all just an act of pity around me? And maybe after all of it, now you're just that fully repulsed by me, and that I just forgot my place, and I shouldn't have even ask these questions.

I even got to some point where I had a glimpse of thought, that all of this might just be a very cleverly arranged revenge scheme from all of you guys. I don't even know. Unlikely, but not out of the question.

•

It's now almost 12 in the library, 2 weeks and 2 days after I started putting all of this into words. It has been a very hot week, and so I brought my small fan with me to the library. The view right across of me are of empty lonely chairs, left out on this Saturday night. My friends, they all went home early, to their partners, to enjoy the short weekend we have.

This, essay, has been a kind of outlier from the others. My other entries are mostly delve into my lowest points, but this one, I made it in a wide spread time, with considerable introspection to it. I would describe it as being written on a low plateau..

The last few weeks has been filled with unhealthy grinds and crippling temporary ecstasies, with me procrastinating, delaying the finishing of this writing, refusing acknowledgement to summarize my feelings. I feel like death. This cycle must end, and I need to close this chapter of my life.

•

I'm sorry I was rude and insensitive on the previous part, not considering how you would've feel back then too, but that is how it looked for me, how i felt, and i want to be honest.

Despite all of that, deep down, there's still a voice inside. A voice that tells me I should still want to fight for us.

Do I still love you? What's love anyway, lets just not use that phrase. I still think you're someone fun. Someone I don't mind, having around 'til the end of time. Is that love? I don't know.

I've lost my trust for you, and that's what keeping me on the fence.

But after all said and done, you might still be worth it, and as I said, that's all that actually matters for me at the end. The total balance.

...and I don't know if there would be another you. I feel like I'm going to miss out badly if I don't try. I really cherish us.

I don't know about you, how do you feel about me. Looking at how things are, it seems that you don't even want anything to do with me though. You're the one who asked to still be friends and yet, here we are.

About acting on this thought, I don't think I have the energy nowadays, nor the confidence, and maybe nor the time, to push again grandly, do it properly. I cant exactly afford to fail either, with my fathers breath looming behind my neck, asking me tetchily about my studies. And there's also lots of things I'm currently doing and I want to do too in the mean time.

Furthermore, I think making deep connections like this will just nauseate me these days.

But then again, I also feel that it's just my ego holding me back to reach out and try to fix all of, this. Is there anything I'm still able to do? I was also afraid that the reason you can't fall for me is because i sold myself too easily, and if i reach out then it would be counter-productive.

Sorry, that I'm not someone good with these kinds of initiative. It's just how I am.

Maybe that's ultimately why you can't fall for me, my indecisiveness.

•

So where do we go from here

[hobidreams]

damn babes, life is really putting us through the wringer huh😭 post-covid effects are truly wild right?? i remember for my mom, the effects were similar to yours, but for me it made me more sensitive to tastes?? if it’s any consolation, it went away completely for me n my mom after a couple weeks!!

about summer plans though, i’m def not taking summer classes this time around💀 it sorta sunk in that i haven’t gotten a proper vacation ever since i started uni in 2020, so i really wanted to just take a break. had a conversation about it w my mom n she supported my decision to take a break this summer and i honestly don’t regret a thing🥳 anyways i’m just gonna take it easy!! planning to finish crocheting my tote bag (oh did you ever get the pic i sent of the lil hat i made for my cat or did tumblr eat it😵‍💫😵‍💫), and reading a lot of books!!! i read “the girl who fell beneath the sea” last week and i absolutely LOVED IT!! i blame you for starting my obsession with historical fiction/fantasy💀 it’s based off of a korean folktale with a couple of twists, and i think you’d really like it!! i also got the book that joon and yoongi read on in the soop s1 (almond!!), and it’s been an interesting read so far. i’ll update you hihihi. also finally started watching the red sleeves?? i already know the ending but it’s actually so fun to watch even though i know it’s going to hurt like a mf💀

ok that’s all,, sorry this ended up being way longer than i thought it would be💀 but anyways how are you babes!! any fun updates (wedding updates👀)??? what are your plans for the summer?

the spacing is still whack i genuinely don’t know how to fix it lmao

-🌿

my answer got long soooo cut!

omg more sensitive?? cant even imagine what thats like. im glad thats gone for u now!! yeah i think im mostly recovered from the taste thing now.... but also like... glad i didnt get the thing that some ppl had where everything tasted like gasoline. but my random dry coughing came back two weeks ago and its only just starting to fade again 😬😬😬 im worried and have to see a doctor abt it 😭

HELL YEAHH im so glad you got to take the summer off!! fr, so many people are rushing to do their degrees in 4 years and 🤷🏻‍♀️ most ppl i knew did it in 5 and it wasnt a big deal at all. take ur time and do what makes u happy 💗 honestly, relaxing in the summer prepares me better for the winter term so it works for the best! the tote bag sounds amazing! pls show me it!!! and no i never got the pic of ur cat hat 😤😤😤 fuck u tumblr

omg ive heard of that book before! tbh i dont read a lot of fantasy bc i prefer straight historical but i will have to check it out. my backlog of to-reads only keeps growing. oops. i hope u enjoyed the books!!

ahhh never apologize pls. i love and appreciate ur long messages!!! my plans are in effect rn haha im away at a cabin sort of place, that has VERY bad wifi so im doin my best here. but its meant to be very relaxing and lowkey so im gonna do my best to recover. ive also been getting these headaches on and off since covid, but i think theyre getting worse and idk skckwkfnkemfm. i just have to fix this before school starts.

no wedding updates for now bc unfortunately our venue isnt booking yet for 2025 and thats when we have to have it (bc of my school + timing of other big, unmoveable family events). but we've picked a place + contacted the wedding party and everything is a go for that!! oh my god its so expensive. we've made a modest budget but im afraid ppl will judge us if its not super luxurious 💀 i also have a friend (more like "friend" tbh... its a long story) who put some doubts in my mind about our small budget akdmekfm so idk we're still sorting it out. doing our best to fit in everything we want while still saving for our first home 💀💀💀 but im very excited and looking forward to it!!

[freebooter4ever]

Your desk area looks so colorful and interesting! Can we get a lil tour?? I see glimpses of your creations and others (?). Also I'm a wanna be artist but I struggle to keep up a routine (coz of my a.d.d) and your relentless output of aMaZinG work astounds me! Do you have any tips or routines that you follow? (Yes this the same anon as previous lol)

ahahahaha being the super successful artist that i am i literally live in a closet. i've shown photos on here before but i've added to the walls recently so:

you can see the slope of the stairs above my bed \o/ i live with friends in a wealthy area of los angeles and i have my new little air conditioner to keep my drawing computer from overheating tho so can't complain ^_^ (my new pink flamingo/clothes-pins wall section is my 'to finish and send' personal letters collection, sorry guys if you recognize any letters i havent sent yet, as you can see i have a backlog)

ADD and art is hard! i draw every day for an hour at least, i try for more. during quarantine weekends i would literally wake up, draw all day, and then go to sleep, and then repeat on sunday. when i didn't have a job it was the same - wake up, draw till exhaustion, and then sleep lol. for me the biggest struggle was getting over that feeling of needing my art to be a certain caliber quality to share. i started forcing myself to post things no matter what, and with the incentive of 'im going to POST this' that got me motivated to keep drawing, instead of hitting the downward self hate spiral where i despise everything i make and want to flush it all down the toilet so stop drawing altogether. THOSE are the worst days, and i still have them, i dont know if they will ever go away? i just try to power through, which doing that is getting easier and easier but some days are still

i was going through a bad spiral for a few weeks and then i went to see luca and that helped a lot ^_^

when i was younger i was always so afraid of doing things wrong or bad that i didnt draw nearly as much as i wish i would have let myself - its why i stuck with things like computer science or math which had a much more obvious and concrete right/wrong that i could keep working at until it was correct. it wasn't until i lost my job unexpectedly and FINALLY had time to spend all day drawing every day for months on end that i realized i could apply the same dogged determination i use for solving a math problem to /drawing/. i was raised by an engineer who was very passionate about hating art/creative people in general, so my mindset is fucked up lol.

ANYWAY i live in a closet, why are you listening to me? :P my biggest advice is to just keep going no matter what - try to look forward at whats next if its too hard to think about the past stuff you've made, and always remind yourself that the next one is going to be EVEN BETTER so better get started on it now instead of hung up on the old. and dont fight the ADD obsessive fixations - if you want to draw 210 sketches of steve aoki do it.

[intheforest-hides-a-light]

The Poison and the Antidote | Chapter 12: The Snake

These posts are on backlog. For the most recent updates and to read the story so far, go to AO3

summary: Joseph gives Faith a sentimental gift. John puts her in a difficult situation that could cost her her life. Megan makes an entrance. 

stats, for those who are new... 

POV Rachel Jessop “Faith Seed” Pairing Faith Seed/Joseph Seed 

rating: M (sexual content, emotional manipulation, language, drug refs...full warnings on AO3)

chapter length: 7.6k im sorry

work length: 64k 

a/n: this was the hardest chapter I’ve ever written and the hardest in this fic so far. Just wanna say I <3 all you readers and thanks for all the support! ALSO spoiler warning for this fic if you haven’t gotten past Chapter 5 (as in this chapter might make more sense if you’ve read the previous chapters)

(Image Source - all credit goes to the artist. I will remove upon request)

I wonder if George made it home alright. I shouldn’t have ever thought that I wanted him to die. Now it is all I can think about. It’s like my mind won’t move from the subject, and my heart has been cemented in guilt for ever having thought it at all. I want to turn off my brain. 

Tonight is the night that John’s plan is set in motion. Putting on a show for some gullible judge in hopes that he will find a way to make an exception to the law. It’s not the right thing to do. I regret it even though it hasn’t happened yet. I’m starting to believe that I am a bad person. For leaving my dad, for refusing my friend, for deciding to stay with a man I barely knew all because it just felt like the right thing to do at the time. Why? And now I have to go to this dinner and pretend to be someone I’m not. To pretend that everything’s just fine here. I have to pretend that I am safe and sound 

I see a rabbit outside my window, standing on its hind legs with its ears perked up, revealing the soft fuzz on its belly. If it weren’t a wild creature I would love to pick it up and set it on my lap. I’d happily stroke his soft ears and round back. The companionship of an animal is a beautiful thing. There are no strings attached. No complicated conversations. No misunderstandings. A friendship that defies the traps of verbal communication. The rabbit’s little nose moves up and down rapidly as his head darts from side to side, searching for danger. Suddenly he sees something approaching and springs away, white cotton tail bouncing off into the trees. 

That same moment there is a knock on my door. I welcome the sound that signifies an end to my loneliness.

“Who is it?” I ask.

“It’s me.” I recognize Joseph’s voice immediately. “Are you ready?”

“No.” I reply. “I’m not even dressed.”

“They’re expecting us at seven.” He reminds. “You’d better hurry.”

“I don’t have anything to wear.” I hate the sound of my own complaint.

A pause. I’m sure he’s sighing. “I heard your trip with John was not successful.” He says.

I don’t want to talk about it. Not successful. That’s one way to put it. It’s another thing to say that things went wrong and John hit me for it.

I don’t want to talk to him through the door. “Would you come in?”

He does. And he looks just like he did when I first saw him. Dressed neatly in a suit. Hair pulled back with more care than usual. Signature yellow glasses resting on the bridge of his nose. He holds a medium sized white box in his hands. We look at each other. And for the first time, I feel so far away. Like I’m standing on the other side of a wide, cavernous abyss that I will never really cross.

“Why do you look so sad?” He asks.

I long for him in a way I’ve never longed for anyone. I miss him even though he’s right in front of me. I can’t help but love him. I just can’t. But I don’t have the courage to say it. Not again. Not unless sleep or some other drug makes them leak from me. “You’re so handsome.” I say. It’s not the answer to his question. It’s just my tired mind and nervous heart spewing their first coherent thought through my lips.

A laugh. “Is that something to be sad about?” he asks, almost a tease.

I shake myself back to reality. “No. Sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about.”

It’s been a while since he’s said that. 

He takes a seat beside me on the bed, but the distance between us doesn’t feel any smaller.

He rests a hand on my leg. The cool touch of his fingertips through the thin silk of my nightgown makes me shiver. “Tell me.” He states. “What’s wrong?”

How could I tell him? I don’t know where or how to start. Maybe it could be as simple as ‘your brother hit me across the face and I’d really rather not see him tonight (or ever again)’. But I can’t find the guts to say it. 

A breeze drifts through the open window. The leaves on the trees rustle, whispering to each other like they did when I followed him into the river. I drift off into the memory of that blue night. It wasn’t long ago. But life has gotten so much more complicated since then. I remember the way my eyes burned beneath the cold water, how he carried me to bed, the way my thoughts swirled and my breathing slowed as I inhaled the scent of those mystifying white flowers that seemed to transport us to another world…  I’d give anything to go back to that night. Back to when there was no end in sight. Back when the bliss of our bodies was all that existed, like dawn of morning would never shine.

Sometime in our moment of silence he makes up his mind to speak. “I’ve always hated parties.” He tells me. “I think they’re so… so superfluous. And I don’t like that it has to be this way” The slow interlocking of our hands feels like home. “It goes against everything I believe in. But I also don’t…” he searches for the right way to put it, trying not to say too much yet afraid of saying too little, “I don’t want to lose you.”

My heart warms. I lean against his shoulder. I’m afraid of everything ending. “I don’t want to lose you either.” I admit.

He sighs. “It’ll be alright. We’re doing this so you can stay here.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t be here.” I say finally, honestly. 

Read the rest HERE Read the previous chapter HERE Start from the beginning HERE

[lizzieblabbers]

oh ello therree

hi there ive been very very busy this week haven't had the time to write here even though i have a lot to say

so today i attended two exhausting classes and did not get anything done and its okay i hink because those are enough to call my day productive as it sucked my brain off, assuming i still have some ofc

anyway so i was supposed to do a marathon tonight with some of my friends but i guess i'll just sleep early tonight as their schedules do not permit (well i think its also a sign from the universe that i could really get some sleep tonight considering i only had like four and a half hour tops last midnight)

i think that's all?

aside from the fucking pile of backlogs and requirements to submit, i guess im fine

a bit insecure, tho, but... fine :)

i mean, these insecurities wont go away anytime soon right?

aaah i know have a lot to talk (or right, for that matter) but im afraid i dont have the words right now and i just want to relax and consume media aaaaaaa

ok goodnight thats alll i hope i can be productive tomowow

wonk wonk!!

[fmdxjerome]

*naomi pokes her head in after disappearing for the 600th time* bonjour 

family things where the reason i was so m.i.a. this past week. but i’m here now and i’m going to follow and unfollow people. update some things (like points, plots and tag lists) and head into ims. the good things. sorry i keep disappearing, it’s a weird time. i hope you all are doing good though. people who i have not talked to yet, i’m sorry i still haven’t introduced myself to you all. i’ll gradually work on this. people who i plotted with before, you know i’m gradually trying to get back to that too. i’m very out of the loop with everything.

though! working on some things. writing, photoshop, things, yeah.

but that aside i kinda wanted to take the space of this ooc post to elaborate on the headcanon i wrote yesterday? because? wow. uh. what the hell was that. i wont talk about the topics of the story itself so dont worry if they are triggering to you, i wont be mentioning anything in here.

i just. i started writing the headcanon because my inspiration for anything else was nil. i had things done for my starter (things that had to go out before it for the starter to make sense) and i was preparing to write but nothing came out. and i saw the days ticking by then so i thought “a headcanon will give me something to put out as i dont want to loose jerome but also don’t want to go on hiatus again”. i thought it’ll be like 1000 words and just explain seulgi and chanyeol a bit but it turned into that. i kinda got sucked into it. like, very badly. i wrote it in two days and two nights with little sleep and a lot of tears and it fucked me up but not in a bad way persay (not in a good way either but). after my hiatus i’ve been all kinds of weird with jerome? i haven’t known how to put him out there and advertise him as a cool dude to new and old people in here and i blame my mood for that? because when i was all meme kid 2000 it was easier to thrust him into people’s dm’s, but then after the hiatus i’ve been so goddamned serious about everything that even the funny posts i try to make dont make it to the blog because i think about them too much? (honestly. i have a backlog of memes guys.). then i write that, start writing that with the beginning and end in mind and it’s so goddamned dark but it gets my emotions out and makes me feel more intrigued to flesh out jerome. it relieves me a bit. 

because the thing about jerome is that family is one of the most important things for him. and exploring chanyeol, who had everything jerome had wanted when he grew up (to be raised by a mother who looked like him and loved him), made me find jerome again. it’s the comparing of lives that do it, how two brothers that came from the same prompt live such different lives because of the polarizing answers their mothers gave to one of the hardest question in life. but then again they have so much the same; the drinking, the faces, the laughs, the ridicule, and so much more. they’re more like twins than they are brothers, just years apart and not quite the same.

(there is a reason why *if you read the story* i pinned their situations against each other often, give the perspective of jerome’s life whilst giving context to chanyeols)

and i dont know if jerome will ever know about chanyeol, meet seulgi, find a connection with his mother, feel a bond with his sibling (who’s connection form is almost done, i’m hoping for a sister) or find the bad of himself in his father but it’s the start of exploring this part of jerome’s life, his bloodlines, that get me so much more into jerome’s story. because it is such an important piece in his life.

and look, you might think “but thats marie!” if you look over his blog or read his bio (please dont. its ugly.), that she’s the most influential thing in jerome’s character as she’s the one who basically created “yuddy”. and yeah, she’s important. he still gets anxious when she teeters with the information only they know and still gets furious when he sees her face. but it’s family that starts it all. 

he wouldn’t be as searching for warmth if it wasn’t for the fact that he views himself to be abandoned when just a baby, which his mother did with all the heart break in her heart. he wouldn’t be as proving and intense if it wasn’t for the fact that he feels like he has just one moment to cement himself in someone’s memory as something to desire (whether its about music, lust, love, etc.). he wouldn’t be as afraid of loosing important people in his life if he hadn’t lost the most important one of all.

also, he wouldn’t be as natural with the flirting and the charming smirks if it wasn’t for the fact that his father had that natural allure to him, too. had that bad treatment, too. had that booming confidence, too. and had that selfishness, too. (i villainize chanwook a lot. but he was just a guy who didn’t like commitments, he wants the fun and nothing else. hmm doesn’t that sound familiar.)

yuddy was a reaction to marie, but made possible because of chanwook. hey, thats pretty deep.

anyway, what also was interesting with exploring chanyeol was the fact that jerome’s biggest wish was to be able to look at someone and recognize himself in it. with his adoption family he obviously couldnt do that. and to add another layer in his hometown there were no korean faces, no ethnicity he could belong to. (i dont know how it is in legit laval and martigné-sur-mayenne as i am just a dumb kid who only has the internet to find things out BUT as i live in a western european town *obliviously naomi you’re dutch* thats pretty big and those towns arents the biggest i can use my own experiences and grab the data/information i can find on the internet to create young!jerome’s school and daily life environment.) but he could live with that if he just had a mother or/and a father he could look up to and see himself. there have been days where he’s been bullied for the shape of his eyes or the colour of his skin, there have been days where he’s been fetishized for them too, and if he was allowed to look up at his mother he could see the same pairs of eyes stare back at him. and if he’d look at his father he’d see the same coloured skin. he’d feel more at ease. but he sees blonde hair and peachy skin instead, sees hazel eyes and different noses. add a DEEPER layer and he can’t seem to find where he gets his ugly wide laugh from, or his aggression when provoked. the gentle touch to the things he loves. the intensity of passion. the greed of selfishness. he doesn’t know where the traits come from, who gives him those traits, or if they are purely his own. and he truly wished he did.

and with that as he stands on stage now he is unaware that he makes two women cry every night. blissfully unaware that he has two mothers look at him and see the man that left them but see their missed sons too. he knows nothing of that, and so he knows nothing of the impact he’s making with simply existing. (boram looking at jerome is still very ambiguous in my mind though as her kid can appear in roleplay but seulgi’s view is pretty cemented)

okay shit this kind of turned into some weird exploration of jerome? i started writing this like 6 hours ago what the hell. i’m so slow. maybe this is helping me too with making that re-introduction thing i still have to make. great. well what you can take from this is that jerome has a definite baseline when it comes to his personality and i explored that in chanyeols story where he was the one who got it yet felt undeserving of it?

it’s affection. his baseline is affection. his baseline is warmth. for him as a person, a real person, his person. and not for anything else. and it’s nice to look at the people that gave that to him, the people that didn’t and the reasons behind it.

his biological mother couldn’t give it to him because she gave him away before she could. (the only exception being the first moment in the hospital room 26 years ago.)

his biological father couldn’t give it to him seeing as he didn’t even care to know him.

his adoptive parents couldn’t give it to him as they only saw him as a prop next to jade vases and ricepaper fans.

his first love marie couldn’t give it to him even when he thought she could, but then in time he realized she never loved him for him. realized she never loved him at all.

his grandfather has given it to him, as he sang with him to old tunes and learned him how to cook. his grandmother did too before she fell away.

frederic and halit gave it to him, freddy when he cemented himself as his first closest friend and halit when he pulled him along and shared his family with him. they both gave him a home, and they both gave him the concept of best friends.

julien too gifts it to him now, as he has poked through the shields that is yuddy and has never stopped grasping at the heart that is jerome.

its interesting. it’s all interesting and i’m kind of content that i threw this headcanon out there? or wrote it. (even if not many people will probably read it because of the content matter or because its dumb long or other reasons) because its really a start for me to explore jerome other sides more, the other important things. with the marie story half way finished and her changing in severity in his life, it’ll be interesting to further explore the facet that hurt jerome the most. bloodlines.

ok i got to stop because literally no one is having time for my wall of mess i mean wall of text and its getting way too late/early whilst i wanted to reply to some dms so im just going to grab my phone and start typing there. until i fall asleep. which honestly can be in a few minutes as today was stressful (my cat couldnt poop and i cried lol i’m actually a mess.) 

ALSO if you read the story, the program seulgi watched when she saw jerome for the first time was You Hee-yeol's Sketchbook when DEAN was on. and the songs she heard where HALF MOON (D) and ORDINARY PEOPLE. (which are probably one of my favourite performances of dean.) easter egg. or something like that i dont know-

ok naomi out

*uses a gif of my sweet winter child as i haven’t used one in ages*

[feverhalo]

First posted fic! Its not the one ive had requested, or either of the two other I had started. Its just a quick little thing. I fell asleep today really early after getting back so I havent had a chance to work on those yet. Ill cross post this to ao3 sometime tomrrow. Im also great at titles. Warning to talk of needles/shots but other than that its pretty tame run of the mill whump.

—————————————

Post Immunization (fma fanfic)

Edward stomped into the office, dragging his coat along in his left hand. His automail hand was curled in a protective barrier around his left bicep. He shoved his chair back with his foot and threw himself into his seat.

“Not a damn word, you traitorous bastard” Edward spat as Mustang looked up at the flurry of activity. “One word, and Colonel or not I’ll end you.”

“Brother!” Alphonse chided, “You can’t take it out on everyone. They are working, too; I’m sorry for Ed being so angry-“

“Don’t apologise for me!” Ed glared at his brother. “It was a dirty trick.”

‘Whatever do you mean, Fullmetal?” Mustang leaned back, mouth quirking up even as Riza shot him a look. “It was of utmost importance, and very relevant to your quest to get your bodies back. Immunizations are important.”

Ed reached forward and grabbed some of the paper work on his own, rarely used, desk. He was limited in what he could do for the rest of the day, banned from sparring or getting into anything strenuous to avoid bruising and pain from the set of shots. He was basically stuck with sitting around, but if course Colonel Mustang planned to ruin his day to the last shred of freedom and insisted he come catch up on paperwork like the rest of them. He grumbled, mocking Mustang under his breath as he worked.

The Colonel frowned, Ed wasn’t rising to the bait anymore, and as much as he would love to throw in a good jab about the boy’s height or the fact he was still getting children’s immunizations, this wasn’t the time. Quarterly reports were coming up, and in true Mustang fashion there was a very steep backlog. So work continued on with the addition of an irritated Edward rubbing at his sore shoulder every now and again.

After some time, patience and energy dipped and the others took turns to get up and stretch or grab a refill on coffee. Edward had slumped forward, resting his cheek on the desk’s cool surface. Alphonse, who had previously been content to read quietly or chat a little whenever conversation arose struck up a quiet conversation with his brother.

“Come on Brother, I know this sort of paperwork is a hassle but yore nearly done.”

“Mmm,” Ed nodded, but thats all Mustang could make out from his desk. He missed out on the rest of the mumbled reply. He shifted getting ready to crack a smart remark, but Alphonse’s reaction stopped him from trying to get a rise out of Ed again.

“Do you need to lay down? You do look pretty tired,” he clanked quietly as he fussed, “Are you feeling alright?”

“Everything okay boys?” Riza stepped in after that little bit of eavesdropping.

“Brother?”

“Tired ‘s all. Stupid paperwork’s givin’ me a headache.” Ed straightened, bringing his messy hair and flushed face back into view.

Without hesitation, Riza reached forward to press the back of her hand to his forehead. Mustang couldn’t blame her, even he was taken back by how pale the alchemist looked under the deep red flush.

“Sir,” she half turned to address the Colonel. Ed pushed at her arm gently, using his automail to save his flesh arm the soreness of moving. “Sorry Edward, I didn’t mean-“

“So I do have a fever?” He rubbed at his eyes, no wonder it was getting to hard to stay upright and focused. Riza nodded, turning back to Roy.

“Lay on the sofa over there for a bit, see if it helps.” Roy motioned to the two seater pushed up against the wall. Ed stood up to do so, but stopped to brace himself using his desk for a long moment before stumbling over as if his shoes were undone. Alphonse followed to quietly fret, tossing his brother’s jacket over him as he curled up. Ed pressed his face into the back of the cushions as work resumed in the office.

“I’ve got a quick call to make, Lieutenant.” Roy picked up the phone and dialled the number of the paediatrician Hughes had suggested. No military doctor had the vaccines on hand that Ed was due for, as most everybody had gotten them at around age ten. It was a bit of a low blow to the boy’s pride as well, and one Roy was suddenly not so comfortable with.

“Hello, Doctor Leston’s office. How may I help you?” A chipper voice crackled across the line.

“Colonel Mustang,” he felt ill prepared for this conversation. “I had an appointment set up for an Edward Elric earlier today, as his technical guardian and commanding officer. I need to speak with the doctor regarding that visit.”

“Doctor Leston speaking, what seems to be concerning you today sir?” After the brief hold, Roy was surprised to hear such a young voice.

“Edward Elric was in earlier today for a series of immunizations,” he paused. “He’s feeling rather ill now, actually.”

“Oh, I am so sorry thats a shame. Is he having a rash reaction? Are you able to give me more information? There shouldn’t be many side effects to these vaccinations, but as I understand it is a rather special case with this boy. Being so far behind in them because of such a physically traumatic incident.” Her voice was kind, and she trailed off to allow him to answer.

“Hes got a rather noticeable fever. I’m afraid I don’t know how high exactly, but its interfering with his activities.” It was strange to have it so blatantly thrown at him- Ed was still very much a child. Here he was speaking to a child’s doctor, about a polio vaccine update most people got when they were aged nine or ten. And this was about is subordinate, the thirteen year old boy sleeping across the room.

“Oh! Goodness me, that is incredibly common; he’ll be fine. Many children get fevers after vaccinations. It shouldn’t last more than 24 hours, most don’t even last that long. Over the counter children’s pain and fever medication should be fine to use if he is uncomfortable. If at all possible, please keep an eye on it. I don’t usually get patients with automail, so I’m not too sure how differently it may effect him.”

“Ah, thank you. So its nothing to worry about?” he listened intently for a few more minutes as she relayed more information. “Alright. Thank you very much. If anything else happens may I call here again?… Yes if course, if it rises too high he will be taken to an emergency centre. Alright, thank you, you as well have a wonderful evening.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad,” Mustang looked over to the sleeping boy. “He’ll need to be monitored tonight I suppose. Alphonse where are you two staying this time around?”

“We were going to stay with the Hughes family again this time, Gracia always asks us to whenever we mention we’ll be in the area.” He had half turned to look at Mustang as he responded. His large gauntlet still rested on his brother’s back, moving in small circles to try and offer as much comfort as he could.

“Hm. It shouldn’t be anything contagious, but I’m not so sure you two should go there with him ill. It would be too much, with their daughter.” Alphonse seemed to sag slightly, arranging a room somewhere wouldn’t be very easy as just himself. Edward usually managed to get around the issue of them not having an adult guardian because of his status as a Major. “I’ll get Hawkeye to drive you two back with me.” “Um? I’m sorry Colonel, I don’t follow.” Al’s voice was small, and it really reminded Mustang how young the boy really was. He felt about two inches tall after today, purposely trying to humiliate the boys by sending them somewhere that under other circumstances would be a totally normal thing for them.

“Its a one-time kindness,” He stood to gather his things. Hawkeye stood from her desk as well and went into motion, preparing her coat and fishing her keys from the top drawer. “He did everything I asked of him, and being in a house with an energetic little kid isn’t going to be easy on him. If you’d like to get your things together, follow Lieutenant Hawkeye down to the gate and we’ll meet you there.”

Alphonse did as he was told and gathered up the few belongings they had. He gave his brother another look before following Riza out of the office. Roy pulled his jacket on and silently thanked his subordinates for knowing when to keep their mouths shut and heads down as they continued to plough away at the stacks of reports.

“Fullmetal, time to wake up,” he stood over Ed sleeping on the sofa.

The boy barely stirred, but did roll enough for Roy to see the strands of hair plastered to his face with sweat. His face was glowing red and how he was twisted seemed incredibly uncomfortable, but he was still oblivious to the world around him. Sighing, Mustang crouched and manoeuvred Ed’s arms through his jacket sleeved and hoisted him up, staggering a little at the uneven weight distribution. After a small struggle, he had Ed on his back. The boy’s arms were slung loosely over his shoulders, and he held the small alchemist tight, tipping forward slightly so the boy wouldn’t fall backwards.

“Feel better, chief.” Jean called out quietly as Mustang made his way out of the office. Ed shifted and hummed, not committing to waking up but hearing enough to know he was being talked to.

[rpedia]

Big Old Temporary Ask Redirect Compendium

I’ll delete this in a bit (the usual 2 months), but I’m getting some already answered or mostly answered asks I’d like to direct around. You guys and your anon, gosh. As a reminder if you use Google you can search any topic + RPedia, and get a post by me if I’ve made one. Seriously, I’m the first hit for anything if you stick my name on it. I literally just googled the posts for these questions actually because fuck you my archive/masterpost is a mess but I don’t have time for new content let alone working on tagging and listing 224 posts.

Anonymous asked: Well hello!! Im new to rp so this may sound really stupid (witch i apologize for that >///<) to you but i was wondering I made a side blog for rping is this good? Or would it be better to make another blog on it own for rp?

Don’t worry! I got a post for that.

Anonymous asked:  I don't know if other people feel this way, but for me tumblr rp just isn't fun anymore? I used to really love getting involved in groups and making friends and I don't know if I'm getting old or what (I'm 21) but it's not the same. I read a post just now that was dated from 3 years ago about other places to rp but I was wondering if you had any advice on where is like, a /fun/ place to rp? I like serious threads, I just also miss the more wacky one liner type interactions and crazy plots, too.

It might be 3 years old, but I do keep it updated with the places I know about! Promise. Anyways, look, you’re gonna find that kind of RP anywhere, but you’re also going to find jerks, it’s inevitable and it makes RP less fun. But it sounds like you need some faster RP, Tumblr doesn’t do it for me either (although with messaging I might...). Try chat based sites instead of forum based. Gaiaonline, RPH, and F-list are all full of one-lining and serious RP. They’ll also have those jerks though. That’s the internet, I’m afraid, but that’s why we block people who try and make us feel shitty about what we’re trying to RP. I mean technically even Deviantart has an RP section, and it’s all 13 year olds, so you’d be As A God amongst them and they’ll all be derping around with Wolf/Arranged Marriage/Mutant Escape RPs still without a care in the world happy and blissful. The way RP should be, so don’t any of you dare look down on them for having happiness for something you don’t anymore.

Anonymous asked:  Hi! So sorry if this has been asked, I looked around your navigation page but couldn't find it (to be fair, I have a bad habit of looking over things by accident) but how do you let someone know you want to RP with them (on Tumblr)? Send them a private message? Just follow them? Because I don't want to bother/pressure them with the former, but I'm worried that I might get overlooked with the latter. Thank you! <3

No worries! It just... literally depends on the player in question, and usually players have it listed. When in doubt, do one (follow), then the other if nothing happens (send a message saying: ‘Hi! Not to bother you, but I’m open to RP with you if you’d ever like to!’). If they’re that stressed by a hello, they may wanna put it on their blog somewhere, ‘cause that’s how RPers do. If you don’t want to do what other RPers do, you have to make a note of it somewhere or suffer how common social interaction works (he says, with his own page saying NO ONE PM ME, I’M DELICATE).

Anonymous asked: What should you do if you've just found out that the person you've roleplayed smut with lied about being of age?

My Underage Smut post deals with this already (in short: stop fucking smutting with them, and leave because it’s a violation of your safety so they clearly can’t respect you), and I do not answer these questions anymore because it flooded my blog with underage smut mentions, and fuck that. Like seriously. Ew.

Anonymous asked: So I was wondering if you have any advise on how to explain to a rp partner their characters are mary sues,or well...just badly made in general? Im all for letting people be creative,and usually I can let a few things go but this time its really bad. I don't want to hurt feelings,at least not if I can soften the blow. Any advice?

I GOT YOU. I have a Mary Sue post, and you can link them pointedly. I even have little letters on them (right at the start and later on) explaining why they suck so bad, and how to get better.

Remember! Like the posts I link to, not this post, it’s going bye bye soon! Besides these I have like, 480+ questions in my backlog that I want to answer, and 47 drafts I’m writing and researching in the ol’ draft folder. I love you kids, it just takes a while to sit down and write these. I have bad focus issues. It happens. But I’ll get around to just about all of them if I have my say. Even.... if it takes a couple more years. Plus a few more years for the asks I’ll get after. Frick. Just follow me or something if you wanna see my slow decline into writing hell. I think that’s how you use Tumblr. (I’m teasing.)