#its been an hour since i woke up and my body feels like it went through the fucking wringer physically and emotionally

[savage-rhi]

(⊙‿⊙)

[aria0fgold]

NEVER MIND! My body is just built to annoy me at this point, I thought I was on my way to a happy and smooth and fast recovery but nope! My left eye hurts orz... Might be from the cold I still have but I'm like-- I'm never freed from bodily complications despite the rest I get oh goodness...

[mayghosts]

Snow Angel: Showers (2) Paige Bueckers x reader

Summary: the start of your project and the reminder of where you left off

TOC Part 1

Warnings: unhealthy alchohol usage, sexual implications

AN; THIS took a century to post, its not my best work but its something!!

January 10th, 2024

You woke up an hour too early, the stress causing you to wake up in a cold sweat. You had been dreading today since Friday, the anxiety about it had ruined your birthday weekend as well. Your friends threw you a little birthday party on the 8th, but you were barely able to enjoy yourself.

Standing in the mirror you fixed your hair one last time before saying bye to your roommate and heading to class. Sliding into your normal spot in the back row, you immediately spotted the blonde. You watched as she spoke quietly with the teacher, before she looked over to make direct eye contact with you. Quickly, you glanced out the window, pretending not to be watching their conversation. Shit fuck bitch shit dick.

You intently stared out the window as you watched her out of the corner of your eye. Up the aisle, past her row… fuck, past her row. Quickly chatting with some girls you didn't recognize, before she turned into you aisle. You could feel your heart hammering in your chest. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Pretended to be pleasantly surprised at her dropping her books next to you, you snapped your head away from the window, giving her a tight lipped smile, before turning back to stare out the window. She barely reacted to you all. You wanted nothing more than to make her react. Scream, cry, yell, scold, laugh, taunt, literally anything would be better than the cold silence that lingered between you two.

The historical significance of constellations, patterns in the sky and the distance between stars, all of it blew by your ears as you watched the snow fall outside. Your leg bounced rythmecally under the table as you counted the seconds. Desperately trying to distract yourself from the blonde sitting next to you. You could remember everything, you raked through facts and memories. Her favorite food, how she smelt, where she liked to be touched, favorite players, middle name, horoscope, the address on her fake id, her favorite pillow on your bed back home, that one night where- everything.

Hand on thigh. Your mind went blank and you felt yourself freeze.

Paige, sick of you shaking the table with your leg, took her hand, and gently, placed in on your thigh.

You don't remember the last time she touched you. Her hands were freezing. The chill ran through your body. It was unbearable, but you couldn't bring yourself to shake her hand off. You made her react. If anything this just proved that you weren't just a figment of her imagination. You glanced up into her eyes. Cold, blue, nothing. Fuck. You couldn't help the heat that ran through you, accumulating in your stomach.

“Can you stop? Please?” Hearing her words directed at you felt like having a bucket of cold water dumped over your head. Surprising in a bad way.

You wanted to cry, scream, moan, yell, throw your chair at her, go back to your dorm. “Uh yeah, sorry.” You glanced back towards the board as you felt her lightly squeeze your thigh before letting go. Weird.

The rest of the lecture was about the same. You stared at the board, you glanced at Paige, you stated out the window, you glanced at Paige, etc etc. You could feel her eyes on you as you closed your notebook, “So, when do you want to meet? I could probably do tonight.” You were quiet for a moment, you were supposed to finish a big mural piece for one of your many art classes tonight. You've ever been able to say no to Paige. “Uhh yeah that works, I don't think the sky will be clear until after ten so want to meet then?” Your eyes met again as she spoke, she looked at you like you meant nothing. Hot “I can drive us to the field, I can pick you up around 9:40?” “Sure.”

January 10th [9:42 PM], 2024

“Fuck Maggie im so late- I think I see her car, shit I'm gonna throw up.” “You need to chill the fuck out okay, just go and do work. I'll call around 10:40 and if its terrible, pick up, we can fake an emergency.” “God I love you so much, okay bye.” You smilled at your friend as she slowed down in front of your dorm building. Slowly you pushed open her car door, stepping out into the cold air. Turning your gaze to the other pair of headlights in the parking lot, you started your trudge.

(flashback) November 14th, 2022

You were absolutely hammered again. Stumbling out of the bar you tripped into a tall blonde. The dim lights of the parking lot only further distorted your vision. “Paige? Paige I'm so sorry.” You reached for her shoulders to steady yourself, “oh you're not Paige. I'm so sorry.” “no no its okay! I'm Maggie, lets get you home okay?” You let the blonde gently put you in the passenger seat, closing the door behind you.

January 10th, 2024

You were pulled from the memory by the click of the passenger door as you pulled opened the door to Paiges truck. Sitting on the nice leather seats you felt out of place with your paint stained hands and Maggies hockey jacket. “Hey, thanks for driving!” You were determined to not make this awkward. The original plan consisted of you bringing snacks and a blanket and maybe a lantern, but you didn't want it to seem like you were trying to make it a thing. Maggie nixxed the snacks because you didn't know if she still liked the same candies. Based off the fancy new car, you knew you were right in your thinking. Maggie is rarely wrong. You felt her eyes rake over the jacket you were wearing. Taking in the last name printed on the left arm. “Yea no problem.” her voice falt as she slowly pulled out of the parking lot. You blinked your eyes shut, this was going to be a long project.

TAGLIST: @justareadernotawriter1 @hellokittyfeenie @3xoticyanna @smiths-fan--13 @stydiaownsmyheart

[letsgetbigger]

My Roommate

Part One

Moving day arrived with the sun shining brightly over the city. I had decided to find a roommate to help pay the mortgage, since my salary at the clothing store wasn't enough. The idea of sharing my space with someone new made me feel both anxious and excited.

Erik arrived early, dressed in a large, comfortable tracksuit. He was a handsome 25-year-old, recently independent, working from home as a programmer. In contrast to my usual work suit and tie, his relaxed style caught my attention immediately.

"Hi, Frank," Erik said with a broad smile, extending his hand.

"Hi, Erik. Let me help you with the boxes," I replied, shaking his hand.

From our first meeting when he came to see the apartment, we got along well. As Erik unpacked his things and arranged them in his new room, I couldn't help but watch him. There was something about his presence that attracted me.

After a few hours of work, we finished settling everything. Erik collapsed onto the sofa, sweating slightly from the effort, and I noticed that his clothes, though large, didn't completely hide a slight roundness in certain areas of his figure. It was then that I understood why he had brought so much food. The fridge, which usually held my fruits and vegetables, was now packed with ready meals, cheese, whole milk, and various sauces. The cabinets were filled with pasta, rice, chips, cookies, and other snacks.

"Wow, you have quite an appetite," I commented, trying to sound casual as I observed his provisions.

Erik laughed. "Yeah, I like to eat."

I couldn't deny it puzzled me, but I decided not to dwell on it and simply accepted that my new roommate had a different lifestyle from mine.

One night, weeks later, I came home after a bad date. I was feeling disappointed and frustrated. To my surprise, I found Erik sitting on the couch with two empty pizza boxes beside him.

"Hey, Frank. How was the date?" he asked with a carefree smile.

"There was no spark," I said, shrugging.

Erik looked at me with interest. "Maybe he wasn't your type," he said, a sympathetic look on his handsome face. "Sometimes it's hard to find someone who we really click with."

I sank into the armchair across from him, feeling a bit better hearing his words. He always had a way of making me feel understood and less alone.

"Maybe you're right," I admitted, letting out a sigh.

As we talked, I noticed something different about Erik. His tracksuit no longer fit as loosely as when he moved in. In fact, his sweatshirt seemed to hide a growing belly. It was clear he was enjoying his food, and his body showed it. He got up and walked to the kitchen. His sweatpants clung to his rounder butt in a way I hadn't seen before. He opened one of the cabinets and pulled out a huge tub of protein powder, which surprised me.

"Have you been to the gym?" I asked, trying to understand why he needed a protein shake after two pizzas.

Erik laughed and shook his head. "No, I don't go to the gym," he said as if the idea amused him.

"Oh. Well, I think it's time for me to go to bed."

"Goodnight, Frank."

Maybe he was right. Maybe the slim guy I went out with wasn't simply my type. I'd always been more attracted to burly men, bears.

One hot night in late spring, I woke up thirsty. I got out of bed and headed to the kitchen for a glass of water. When I reached the doorway, I stopped in my tracks. The scene before me left me paralyzed. Erik was standing there, illuminated by the light of the open fridge. He was wearing only a pair of briefs that dug into his skin, highlighting his curves and revealing the increasing roundness of his body. His belly slightly spilled over the elastic waistband, and his thighs looked thicker, but what stood out the most was his butt. That round, prominent ass completely filled the underwear, stretching the fabric to its limit. Erik had a box of donuts on the counter and was eating one after another with insatiable voracity using his left hand. His right hand was inside his briefs, moving rhythmically as he masturbated. The pleasure on his face was undeniable. I couldn't help but stand there, silently watching. The sight of Erik pleasuring himself like that, enjoying the food and his own body, was mesmerizing. I felt my erection grow quickly.

I backed away from the doorway carefully, trying not to make any noise, and returned to my room. The image of Erik lingered in my mind: his increasingly plump body, his hands occupied with the donuts and his cock, the expression on his face. I knew something had changed within me and that my attraction to Erik had grown in a way I couldn't ignore.

Part Two

With the arrival of summer, the heat in our apartment became unbearable. Erik started walking around in just his briefs, and every time I saw him, my heart pounded harder. His physique had changed noticeably. His belly had grown larger and stuck out proudly. His butt had become even bigger and rounder. The briefs barely contained his cheeks, and the integrity of the fabric was tested with every move. Erik seemed comfortable with his body. Seeing him so natural and carefree drove me wild.

One afternoon, as we sat on the couch watching TV, I couldn't contain my curiosity. I looked at him intently and asked:

"Erik, are you... gaining weight on purpose?"

Erik remained silent for a moment, then a mischievous smile spread across his face.

"Yes, Frank, I am doing it on purpose."

"Why?" I asked.

"I've always been excited by the idea of gaining weight, feeling my body grow, my belly expanding, and my butt getting bigger. I love seeing how my clothes get tighter," he explained.

My eyes widened. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, and at the same time, I felt incredibly aroused. His confession had only intensified my desire.

The next morning, as I headed to the kitchen to have coffee, I noticed the bathroom door was slightly ajar. Through the crack, I could see Erik in the shower. Water cascaded over his naked body, highlighting every curve, every fold of his skin. Watching his hands deliberately move over his fat belly, his chest, and then his enormous buttocks was fascinating. I clung to the door, my erection painfully hard. Unbeknownst to me, a damp spot formed in my briefs, a sign of my extreme arousal. Erik saw me. He didn't say anything, but his smile and the gleam in his eyes said it all. He pulled back the shower curtain and gestured for me to join him. Without thinking twice, I stepped into the bathroom. I quickly dropped my briefs to the floor and approached him. He turned, offering me his back. My eyes were fixed on his round, firm butt, a view I couldn't resist. I began to caress him, and Erik shuddered under my touch. I couldn't wait any longer; my throbbing cock sought its target. I aligned myself with him, and with a slow, deliberate motion, I entered him. The sensation was incredible. A moan escaped my lips. Erik arched back, bracing his hands against the shower wall as I started to move inside him. My hands gripped his love handles, and I increased the pace. The thrusts became stronger, more desperate, and Erik responded to each one with moans of pleasure. I felt his breathing quicken as we neared the climax. Finally, with a muffled cry, I came inside him. Erik shuddered and cried out too, his own orgasm following mine. We stayed like that, connected and panting, as the water continued to fall, washing away the sweat and passion we had shared.

That night, after a long day at work, I couldn't stop thinking about the morning's experience. When I got home, I found Erik relaxing on the sofa. I approached him and sat down beside him.

"Erik, there's something I need to tell you," I began, trying to keep my voice steady. "I love how fat you're getting. Especially your butt. It drives me crazy. And I want to see you get even fatter."

Erik smiled, his rounded face filled with satisfaction. "I like what I'm hearing, Frank."

I stood up and went to the kitchen, where I pulled a two-liter tub of ice cream from the freezer. Returning to the sofa, I placed it in front of Erik, who had already eaten two huge plates of pasta for dinner. His eyes lit up at the sight of the ice cream. I sat beside him and started feeding him. The ice cream melted in his mouth, and his lips moved with delight, swallowing each spoonful. My hand slid over his belly, feeling the fullness and warmth of his flesh under my fingers.

"That's it, Erik," I whispered in his ear, leaning in to kiss his neck. "I want you to eat it all. I want to see you grow."

After what seemed like hours, Erik finished the ice cream. He lay back on the sofa, his breathing heavy, his eyes locked on mine.

"Thank you, Frank," he murmured with gratitude and desire.

"This is just the beginning," I said.

I knelt before him, and ran my hands along his thick thighs. My fingers then played with his nipples while I kissed his belly. Erik panted as my mouth traveled down his body. I nibbled his cock through his briefs, feeling his hardness against my teeth. With a swift motion, I slid the garment down, and freed his erection. My tongue traced its length, savoring every inch before taking it into my mouth. My hands continued exploring, caressing his thighs and balls. Erik moaned and writhed. With a cry of pleasure, he came in my mouth. His hot cum filled my throat.

Part Three

A few months had passed, and Erik was incredibly fat. I woke up one morning to the sight of his enormous, round, jiggly butt resting on the bed next to me. I admired its size, along with the cellulite on his thighs and the stretch marks on his love handles. Still groggy, I moved closer and placed my hands on his buttocks, gently shaking them. The flesh wobbled, semthing that excited me like nothing else in the world. I lowered his new XXL briefs and kissed his cheeks with devotion.

"You've gained so much weight, Erik," I murmured against his skin. "And it turns me on so much seeing you like this."

Erik moaned in response, and my hands became bolder. I squeezed and kneaded his butt, feeling the fat beneath my palms as my tongue explored every inch too.

"I love you like this, so big, so sexy," I whispered.

Erik writhed in pleasure.

"Frank, bring me breakfast in bed," he requested. "I want to start the day well-fed."

I got up quickly, my erection throbbing with anticipation, and headed to the kitchen. I prepared a tray with everything I knew Erik loved: plenty of buttered toast, a cheese omelet, two enormous chocolate-filled croissants, and a giant protein shake made with equal parts of milk and cream.

When I returned to the bedroom, Erik was waiting for me, reclined on the bed with a satisfied smile on his face. I placed the tray in front of him and watched as his eyes lit up at the sight of the food.

"Perfect," Erik said.

I sat beside him. He began to eat with enthusiasm. The way he enjoyed each bite, the joy on his face as he ate, filled my heart with deep satisfaction. I thought about how incredible it was to see his body expand, full of fat, more beautiful each day. And I knew Erik loved it too, every bite, every touch, every look of desire.

When he finished breakfast, I stayed in bed watching him get up and walk to the bathroom. His body had changed so much over the past few months; it was an intoxicating spectacle.

"You're such a fat pig, Erik," I said, sliding my hand over my own body. "Look at all that meat moving. Damn, you're so obese."

Erik stopped and turned to me, his eyes shining with excitement. He loved it when I talked to him like that. I started to jerk off, watching every move of his body.

"You love being this fat, don't you?" I continued, my voice husky.

Erik moaned softly, his hands caressing his bloated belly, fingers tracing the stretch marks that adorned it.

"Yes, Frank. Tell me," he begged with desire. "Tell me how fat I am, how much more you're going to make me gain."

"You're insatiable," I whispered lustfully. "I'm going to keep feeding you. I want you to be the fattest man I've ever seen."

My hands moved more urgently, my eyes fixed on Erik's body.

"You look so sexy stuffed with food," I told him, feeling my own excitement reach its peak. "There's nothing I love more than watching you turn into a satisfied, obese pig."

Erik bit his lip, and I saw his own erection grow beneath his belly.

"Yes, Frank, make me fatter," he replied. "I can't wait to see how many more pounds I'll gain for you."

With those final words, I came, my semen shooting across the room.

Final Part

It was Saturday, and I decided we needed to go to a buffet. Erik was sitting on the couch in his now extremely small XXL briefs, his enormous belly resting on his thighs. I watched him for a moment before saying:

"Today we're going to a buffet, and I want you to wear something tight. I want everyone to see how big you've gotten."

Erik nodded, a spark of excitement in his eyes. He went to his room, and I followed, knowing he would choose the tightest clothes he had. He opted for a shirt that clung to his belly, highlighting every roll, and pants that squeezed his thighs and huge butt. I felt instantly aroused seeing him like that.

We arrived at the buffet, a paradise of greasy, abundant food, and we took our seats.

"I want you to eat non-stop. OK? Do not stop until I tell you to."

Erik nodded, stood up, and headed to the buffet tables. He returned with something for me and a plate full of pizza, fries, and fried chicken for himself. I watched him eat, savoring every bite he took. When he finished, I said:

"Go for more."

Erik got up and fetched another plate. This time he returned with burgers, onion rings, and more fries. The obvious pleasure on his face as he filled his body with more and more greasy food was thrilling.

"You're a fat pig," I whispered when he finished. "Eat more; I want to see you get even bigger."

Erik obeyed without question, rising again to get more food. I watched him walk, his huge, round butt bouncing with every step. He came back with a plate of mac and cheese and ribs. His belly was already peeking out from under his shirt.

"More, Erik. Don't stop," I ordered as he took the last bite.

Once again, he obeyed, getting up with difficulty, his tight clothes highlighting every inch of his fat. He returned with several pieces of cake.

We went home hours later. As soon as we got in, Erik collapsed heavily on the couch. I approached him, my excitement palpable.

"You're pure lard, Erik," I whispered, starting to undress him.

First, I removed his shirt, releasing his broad chest and enlarged nipples. My fingers caressed them, and Erik moaned.

"Look at you, with those huge tits and that round belly. You're such a glutton."

I struggled to remove his pants, the fabric clinging to his thick thighs and butt, which looked like two beach balls. He was left in his briefs, which I slowly pulled down, revealing his erect member, partially buried in his pubic fat.

"I love how huge you've gotten."

My hands roamed his body, groping his soft flesh. I caressed his swollen belly, feeling its warmth and smooth texture. Then I directed a hand to his cock and began to stroke it. Every movement made everything jiggle, especially his nipples, which bounced with each thrust.

"You're so sexy, so obese. Tomorrow we'll go back to the buffet," I murmured, increasing the pace of my movements.

Erik moaned louder and climaxed, his hot semen spurting into my hands. I fed it to him, then kissed him, feeling a deep satisfaction knowing I had helped him become the man he so desired to be.

[chicgeekgirl89]

Rating: K Summary: T.K. is eager to return to the firehouse for his first shift post-icy pond coma. He's feeling great, excited, and ready for anything. What he doesn't expect is a surprise visit from a lonely Carlos in the middle of the night. A/N: This one has been sitting for a while and I figured I should probably release it before we FINALLY get some new material to work with this week!!

Read on AO3

“Did you pack extra socks?”

“Yes.”

“Your vitamins? Your hoodie?”

“Yes, Carlos.”

“I put an extra blanket for you in a bag by the door, make sure you grab it on your way out.”

“Okay, this is starting to feel more like my first day of Kindergarten than my first day back at work,” T.K. chuckles. 

Carlos shifts uncomfortably and huffs. “I just want to make sure you have everything you need.”

T.K. puts a hand on his chest, steadying him. “I’m going to the firehouse. Not the moon. If I need something you can bring it to me. It’s twelve hours Carlos. One overnight shift. I’ll be okay.”

“I still think maybe you should have waited until there was a day shift available,” Carlos insists. “You need your sleep.”

“Babe, I want to go back. I need to go back. If I sit around here for much longer I’m going to go crazy,” T.K. says gently. “The doctors cleared me, my dad cleared me, Tommy cleared me. I’m good to go.”

“Nobody asked me if I cleared you,” Carlos grumbles low, almost as if he doesn’t mean for T.K. to hear it. 

T.K.’s mouth twists into a half smile that he tries to suppress. Carlos has been extremely attentive and serious about T.K.’s recovery care since coming home from the hospital. There have been schedules and spreadsheets and alarm reminders about medications and appointments. T.K. has been plied with so much of Andrea’s soup that it feels like his eyeballs could float.

He still tires a little quicker than normal, especially toward the end of the day, and he hasn’t quite shaken off the permanent chill that ate its way into his bones in that frozen pond, but he feels almost back to one hundred percent. And he’s definitely well enough to get through one shift. 

“I will be okay,” T.K. promises him. “If anything feels off I’ll tell Tommy and come right home.”

Carlos eyes him, still not convinced. “Promise?”

“I promise.”

His phone buzzes and he checks it. “Nancy’s here. I’ll see you in a few hours. You’ll barely even know I’m gone.”

“Be safe,” Carlos says. 

It was their standard standard farewell before. Before the fire and the breakup and the ice.

“I will,” T.K. responds. The words have an odd weight in his chest. The last time he went to work they were broken up. He couldn’t promise Carlos that he would be safe, and he wasn’t. He fell through a frozen pond and died and woke up to a second chance with the love of his life.

It feels good to be able to make that promise again.

“Love you,” he says, pecking Carlos on the lips as he shoulders his work bag.

“Love you too,” Carlos says. “Ah! Blanket!” he calls as T.K. reaches for the doorknob.

T.K. accepts the bag from him. “Thanks Mom.”

Carlos rolls his eyes, but there’s a fond, slightly embarrassed smile on his lips. “Shut up.”

T.K. takes the elevator down to the ground floor and exits out the front doors to where Nancy is parked and waiting. “Aw yeah!!” she yells out the car window. “Get in loser! We’re going to work!”

T.K. throws his bag giddily into the back seat and buckles his seatbelt. “Freedoooom!!” he crows happily as she puts it into gear.

“Oh, yeah, like it’s been so hard for you recovering with Carlos catering to your every whim,” Nancy teases. 

She’s not wrong; he has no complaints. Carlos has been with him as much as possible for the last few weeks, rebuilding the fractured splinters of their relationship into something that finally feels solid again. T.K.’s heart is nearly as recovered as his body. There have been painful moments, lots of tears, anger, and some difficult confessions, but already T.K. feels stronger for it. The break up was awful, and part of him still hates himself for his role in it, but it almost feels worth it to be where they are now. 

“So catch me up on the gossip,” T.K. says as they drive. “What’s the firehouse tea?”

“Mm! Yes! God, I missed you,” Nancy says fervently. “Okay. Someone froze Paul’s boxers last week and he’s still so mad about it. He thinks it was Mateo.”

“And was it?”

“Nope.” She pops the ‘p’ and smiles wickedly. “It was me and Marj.”

“Nice.” T.K. sinks into the seat, already feeling like he’s settling back into normal. “What else?”

“Torbin’s girlfriend left him. Again,” she says. “And your dad found the decoy candy stash, but the real one is still safe.”

“Third cabinet from the left behind the spare hoses?”

“You know it.”

“Are there Sour Patch Kids?”

She takes her eyes off the road for a second to smile at him. “I restocked them for you as a welcome back gift.”

“Aw, thanks Nance,” he says, heart warming at her kindness. 

The entire 126 has stepped in a major way over the last few weeks. The fridge in the loft hasn’t been empty of food once, everyone has stopped by to check on him, and the group text thread has been full of encouraging and silly texts. It had hurt to watch them all get back to work once the station opened; he’d been able to attend the ceremony but hadn’t been cleared for duty yet. But tonight they will finally be all together again.

When they arrive the house is quiet. There’s no flurry of activity in the bays; everything is oddly silent and dark. 

“What’s going on?” T.K. asks as they get out of Nancy’s car, nerves fluttering. Have they been shut down again for some reason? They literally just reopened a couple weeks ago, if they’ve been taken out of service already….

The lights flick on and there’s a cacophonous shout of “SURPRISE!” as the whole team pops out from behind the engine and the ambulance. There’s a giant banner with “Welcome Back T.K.” on the front of the rig, along with balloons and streamers, and Paul is holding a massive cake.

The grin that splits T.K.’s face is so wide it hurts and he feels tears prick at the corner of his eyes. It’s Marjan who comes to him first, holding out her arms as she runs over for a hug. “Welcome back,” she says warmly and he squeezes her tightly before letting go to catch the next person in line.

Judd claps a hand onto his shoulder. “Good to have you home brother.”

“Thanks,” T.K. says. “And please tell Grace thank you again for all the meals. It’s made our lives so much easier these last couple weeks.”

Even with a newborn in the house, somehow Grace had managed to send over meals to make sure Carlos and T.K. didn’t starve during his convalescence. 

“Yeah between you and Paul she’s been basically running a catering company out of our kitchen,” Judd says. “Gotta make sure everybody’s taken care of. But you’re cut off now,” he announces loudly. “Time for y’all to do your own cookin’ again.”

“Bro, I can’t believe you didn’t even lose any toes or anything,” Mateo says when it’s his turn. His hug is accompanied by a back slap that chokes the breath out of T.K. for a second. “I mean it’s good, but like, that would have been pretty gnarly.”

“Yeah, I’m glad I kept all my appendages,” T.K. says. “I find them pretty essential.”

“Still, would have been a cool story,” Mateo says a little wistfully.

“Mateo his story is already plenty cool,” Paul says. “In fact, it’s so cool, it’s almost frozen solid. And that is why we got you this cake.”

He holds it up for T.K.’s inspection and T.K. bursts into laughter. It’s got Frozen characters all over it and reads “The Cold Never Bothered T.K. Anyway.” 

“It’s an ice cream cake,” Paul says proudly, like this is the greatest collective idea they’ve ever had.

“I love it,” T.K. says. “It’s perfect.”

“Okay, okay, let the adults have a turn,” Tommy says, breaking through the crowd and pulling T.K. into a warm, soft hug. “Welcome back T.K. It’s so good to see you well.”

T.K. hugs her back, a little extra tight. He’s very aware that he’s not the only one who lived through several days of trauma because of that pond. This woman’s hands saved his life, kept his heart beating long enough for help to arrive. Even when the question of whether he’d live had been answered, there was still uncertainty about how functional he would be. That he’s back at work like nothing ever happened is astonishing. It’s a triumph for both of them.

“Cap I don’t—“ The words stick in his throat because how do you thank someone for doing what she did?

She pulls back and squeezes his shoulders. “I know baby,” she says softly, eyes looking a little moist. “It’s okay. You’re here. That’s all that matters.”

Tommy looks past him and T.K. turns to find his dad. “C’mere kiddo,” he says warmly and T.K. ducks his head, slightly embarrassed by this display of fatherly affection in front of his team. “Love you,” his dad murmurs, pressing a quick kiss to his hair before patting him sharply on the back. “All right team! Let’s celebrate the 126 being finally, officially back together!”

T.K. takes a photo with the cake to send to Carlos before they cut into it. Paul makes sure T.K. gets the piece with Elsa’s face on it and they all talk and joke and laugh like no time has passed at all.

When the bells go off he feels a thrill go down his spine, excitement tinged with a little bit of nerves. “You ready?” Nancy asks as they climb into the rig.

“You know it,” he says with a grin. “Cap?”

Tommy buckles in. “Let’s roll.”

“Yeah!!! TNT is back in action!” Nancy honks the horn as they roll out of the garage and peal off toward an elderly slip and fall.

It’s a relatively easy call, a good, low stress reintroduction to the job. They drop the woman off at the hospital with a possible concussion and sprained ankle and are on their way back to the station when another call comes in for a fire in a single family home.

They meet up with the rest of the crew at the address, where they find a relatively small, but smoky kitchen fire. They’re not needed beyond basic first aid and are sent to a call for a choking at a restaurant next. 

T.K. is practically buzzing with energy by the time they finally get back to the station an hour later. Some of it is probably sugar from the large piece of cake he downed before they started, but he’s also flying high on the joy of saving people. He’d known he missed the job, but he hadn’t realized quite how much until he’d snapped on his gloves and started taking vitals again. 

He bounces out of the ambulance into the bay, already knowing that he’s not going to sleep at all tonight. Maybe he can persuade Mateo to pull a Mario Kart all nighter with him.

It’s past ten but the rest of the crew is still up, most of them in the showers still trying to get the stench of the kitchen fire off. T.K. is on his way to grab a second piece of cake when he hears Judd call his name from the doorway to the locker room.

“What’s up?” he asks.

“Found something that belongs to you,” Judd says, an odd smirk on his face.

“Something that belongs to me?” T.K. wrinkles his nose. He’s barely been back five hours, what could he possibly be missing already? 

As realization dawns he rolls his eyes. “Is this a welcome back prank? What’d you do? Put my keys in jello? Hide a fish in my locker?”

“Nope,” Judd says. “You’d better go check your bunk though. It’s waitin’ for ya.”

His bunk? What the hell? Giving Judd a final suspicious look he heads for the bunk room.  

He enters with caution, aware that this is likely a trap. When his eyes adjust to the darkened lighting he finds Judd was right; there is a familiar lump that most definitely belongs to him curled up in the middle of his bed. T.K.’s heart stutters and he crosses the room in only a few strides, sinking down onto the edge of the mattress.

His hand automatically goes to Carlos’ forehead, fear that his boyfriend has somehow become ill or injured in the hours since he left home at the forefront of his mind. “Babe,” he says worriedly, brushing his fingers across Carlos’ face and down his neck.

Carlos’ eyelids flutter and he blinks up soft, brown, confused eyes at T.K. before quickly pushing up to a sitting position. “Hey,” he says, a little breathless as he tries to recover from his late night nap. 

“Baby, are you okay?” T.K. asks, his fingers still worriedly searching for signs of fever or injury.

“Yeah, yes, I’m fine,” Carlos says, clearing his throat and scooting back so there’s some space between them. 

Relief extinguishes the spike of adrenaline in T.K.’s veins and he relaxes a little as curiosity takes over. “What are you doing here then? Did something happen at home?”

Carlos’ face takes on a slightly evasive look. “No, everything’s fine at the loft.” 

“Then why are you asleep in my bunk?”

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I was just waiting for you.” The words are quick, almost defensive.

“Waiting for me?” T.K. frowns. “Did you come all the way over here just to make sure I haven’t passed out or something? Seriously Carlos, we talked about this. I promised I would be careful.”

“No, that’s not—I wasn’t—“ Carlos huffs in frustration and T.K. tries to read the look on his face without success.

“Baby, what is it?”

Carlos looks down at his hands and mumbles something that T.K. doesn’t catch. “What?” he asks, confusion and concern clouding his happy back-to-work buzz.

Carlos sighs and meets his gaze, embarrassment all over his face. “I said, I missed you.”

T.K. softens at these words. “You came all the way over here because you missed me?”

“It’s stupid,” Carlos says, his discomfort at this vulnerable admission written into every line of his body.

“No,” T.K. says, scooching a little closer to him. “No, baby, no. It’s not stupid.”

“It is stupid,” Carlos says. “I’m a grown man. I should be able to spend one night without my boyfriend.”

“It’s okay,” T.K. says with a chuckle. “We’ve spent a lot of time together lately. It’s cute that you got lonely without me.”

“This was dumb, I’m gonna go.” Carlos starts to get up, but T.K. catches his hand. 

“No, stay for a little bit.”

Carlos sinks back down reluctantly. “Isn’t everyone coming up soon? It’s late.”

“They’re still cleaning up downstairs. And Judd knows we’re up here. He’ll probably make them give us a few minutes.”

He grabs Carlos’ arm and pulls it around his waist, scooting backward toward the center of the small mattress and pushing against Carlos’ body.

“What are you doing?” Carlos asks in confusion.

“Come on, snuggle me. You drove all the way over here, might as well get some cuddles to remember me by in our bed tonight.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah, come on.” T.K. wiggles his butt invitingly until Carlos slides down and spoons him the way he wants. “See? Better already, right?”

Carlos huffs a laugh against the back of T.K.’s neck. It’s a tight fit, both of them on this twin size firehouse mattress, but they squirm around and manage to find a position that’s comfortable enough.  

T.K. waits, feeling Carlos relax against him as the minutes pass uninterrupted. His own eyes feel a little heavy; it would be so easy to fall asleep like this. Sleeping on the couch at his dad’s for months had been devastatingly lonely. At the time he’d tried to pretend it wasn’t; that he was glad there was no room for Carlos when he laid his head down at night. 

But in the months since, he’s recognized how horribly isolating it was. He’d taken a lot of extra shifts because it was easier to sleep in beds that Carlos had never touched. 

These memories stir a thought. “You haven’t been alone at the loft since I came home from the hospital,” T.K. says softly.

He feels Carlos stiffen a little behind him. “Yeah, I guess that’s right.”

“It must have been hard before, all those nights when I wasn’t there,” T.K. says, focusing on every tiny movement and breath happening behind him. In all their many conversations the last few weeks, they’ve mostly talked about what broke them up in the first place and how to keep it from happening again. Carlos has avoided saying much about the actual time they spent apart. T.K. is pushing at a tender spot, one that Carlos has been loathe to talk about in lieu of “moving on” instead. But his boyfriend is here seeking comfort for a reason and T.K. can’t let him go home without uncovering what it is. 

When Carlos doesn’t speak T.K. pushes a little harder. “I had my dad and Mateo, but you were there all by yourself.”

“We don’t have to talk about this.”

There’s tension in Carlos’ voice and T.K. awkwardly rolls over until they’re facing each other, refusing to back down. “Did you talk to anyone? All those months apart? Have you told anyone how that felt?”

The lines of Carlos’ brow are tight, like he’s struggling to keep his feelings tucked down deep inside of him. “It’s in the past T.K.”

“If it’s in the past, then why are you here?” he asks, keeping his voice gentle.

Carlos swallows, his eyes closing like he’s in pain. There’s a long moment of quiet and T.K. wonders if he’s going to have to let it drop for tonight. But then, “You were gone. There was no one to tell,” Carlos finally says.

That’s what he’d been afraid of. Carlos hadn’t told his family, T.K. already knew that. And he’s far too polite a person to air his grievances to any of their friends, especially since most of them are also T.K.’s colleagues. T.K. is his person. The one he feels safe with. When T.K. walked out of that loft he hadn’t just left Carlos, he’d taken his entire support system with him.

“I’m here. Tell me now,” he says. “Please?”

Carlos’ eyes drop to the third or fourth button down on T.K.’s uniform shirt, the words too difficult to say to his face. “Those nights were awful,” he tells the button. “I would lie in bed, hating myself for pushing you away, furious at you for leaving me. I was—god—I was so lonely, T.K. I wanted you back so damn much it hurt.

He finally lifts his eyes a little and they look haunted, like mentally he’s reliving those awful, dark hours. “I know this isn’t the same. I know you’re just here at work, but sitting there in the quiet tonight, all by myself…”

“It felt like I’d left you all over again,” T.K. finishes for him.

“Yeah, kind of.” His mouth twists and he shifts uncomfortably. “I know this isn’t the same thing. I kept telling myself I’d see you in the morning, but I couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t stop thinking and I just…I wanted to see you.”

“You can always come see me. If you need that reassurance, I will give it to you.”

T.K. takes Carlos’ hand and kisses it before pressing it over his heart, pounding forcefully with grief over mistakes and lost time beneath his ribs. His other hand he secures on Carlos’ hip, his thumb moving back and forth soothingly. “I am here,” he says firmly. “I am coming home to you. Every day. And every night. From now on. You’re not alone in that loft anymore, Carlos. I might not be there all the time, but I will always want to be. It’s our home. I don’t want it to feel like anything else ever again.”

Carlos gives him a lopsided smile. “Me neither.

“Come here.”

He pulls Carlos into his arms, holding him tightly. The tones go off and Carlos tries to let him go but T.K. tucks him in tighter. “It’s just fire, not us,” he says, feeling slightly guilty that he’s glad his teammates are running back to work because it means no one is going to bother them for awhile. 

They stay curled up together for so long, that T.K. wonders if Carlos is going to go back to sleep. But finally he pulls back, his body relaxed and loose. “Better?” T.K. asks.

Carlos nods. “Yes. Thank you.” His gaze turns more serious, assessing. “How are you? Are you feeling all right? How’s the shift been?”

T.K. chuckles. “I’m not the one who fell asleep in my boyfriend’s work bunk. Yes, I’m fine. The shift has been amazing. I missed this so much.”

“You haven’t gotten lightheaded or dizzy? You’re not too tired?”

“No. Not even a little.”

“Good,” Carlos says, relief smoothing out the last of the lines that crease his brow. “I know I’m being selfish, wanting to keep you home with me, but I really am glad you’re back. That all of you are back. It was nice to walk in and see the whole crew together again.”

“Yeah,” T.K. agrees, a warm bloom in his chest.

“I should get going,” Carlos says. “You need to get at least a little sleep tonight.”

“Come on. Since my dad is gone we can raid the secret candy stash before you go. I’ll even let you have some of my Sour Patch Kids.”

Carlos wrinkles his nose as T.K. pulls him to his feet. “I don’t know how you can stand those things.”

“They’re delicious! First they’re sour, then they’re sweet!”

“It’s almost midnight. Didn’t you have cake earlier too? Please tell me you ate a vegetable at dinner.”

[shiviwrites07]

Forgotten

Summary: The Number One hero forgets his Number One's birthday and has to face the consequences.

Midoriya Izuku x fem!reader

Words: 2.5k

You woke up with an excited mood, cause it wasn’t an ordinary day. It was your birthday! You were so excited! You don’t really like big celebrations but your birthday is really special to you. You always celebrate it with your parents in your hometown in Shibuya but this time, you had a different day planned for you and Izuku. You had taken a day off work, being the number 3 hero, it wasn’t easy but they let you go since it was your birthday. You had reminded Izuku to take off work too, but it seems that he forgot. You woke up to a note on your bedside table, “Sorry hun, I know you told me to take a day off but i can’t. I promise I’ll make it up to you puppy. Have a good day! I love you <3” You mouth sets into a deep frown after reading the note, he didn’t even wish you a happy birthday. 

                           You turn on your phone when you notice it has been flooded with messages. You smile when you see that all your friends have wished you a happy birthday. After you get off the phone with your best friends Ochako and Momo, you head over to the kitchen to make yourself some breakfast. As you start preparing your breakfast, you turn on the news. “Pro hero Deku saves Japan again! With his smashes and-“ You change the channel as your eyes well up with tears. He forgot about you, again. This had become a routine. You guys plan dates, he blows you off for work, tries to make up with another date but fails to show up at that too. But today was different, it was your birthday goddamnit! 

                                             But you made up your mind that you were not gonna let his absence ruin your day. You went to your favourite bakery and bought a customised (favourite flavour) cake, with a picture of your and izuku’s first date. Then you decided to pay Inko a visit. She was delighted to see you! She baked your favourite cookies as an apology for not getting anything for your birthday as she was not expecting your visit. You ate the delicious cookies and chatted with her. After a scrumptious lunch prepared by mama Inko, she decided to ask you about your relationship with Izuku. As you both were washing the dishes, she asked, “Has my Izu been treating you well? I’ll let you know that he loves you more than anything, even more than being a hero.” Your mouth sets into a frown as you answer her question. “Well, he is the best boyfriend but I don’t really think he loves me more than being a hero. He’s been blowing me off more and more lately I know being the new symbol of peace has made him really busy but he could at least make out a little bit of time for me. He could’ve atleast wished me a happy birthday….” You trail off as your eyes begin to well up with tears again. Inko feels heartbroken and pulls you into her chest as sobs rake your body. After an hour of consolidation from Mama Inko, you head home as the sun has started to set. You bid inko farewell as you walk out her door and towards the confines of your empty home. 

                        Just as you are about to enter through the door of your house, your phone rings. You Press ‘Accept’ when you see ‘Izu ❤️’ on the screen. “Hello?” “Hey puppy! Im sorry for bailing on you today. I’m getting off work early today and I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me?” Your eyes lighted up and a smile made its way onto your face when you replied, “Really?! You sure you won’t bail again?” “Of course not” “Promise me please?” “I promise Puppy! Now get ready. I’ll meet you at (favourite restaurant) at 7pm.” “Okiee! I love you Izu!” He chuckles while filling out paperwork, “I love you too Puppy” You squeal in excitement, you ere sure that he hasn’t forgotten your birthday and is planning a surprise for you. You looked at the clock and saw that it read 4:30pm. 

                You had plenty of time. After replying to a couple of birthday wishes, you ran ourself a nice bath with baths bombs and scented candles. After getting out of the bath, you started getting dolled up. You did your makeup and wore that beautiful green dress that izuku had bought you last Sunday. It hugged your body at all the right places. By the time you were done, you looked drop dead gorgeous. (Not that you already aren’t. All you readers are beautiful no matter your body size and shape. I love y’all <3. Anyways-)  By the time you were done it was already 6:30pm. You hurriedly grabbed a purse and wore your heels. You drove to the restaurant and sighed in relief when you realised you were there right on time. You made your way into the restaurant, as all eyes started following you, the receptionist was flustered when he saw you but managed to composed him as he led you to a table. You smiled politely and thanked him. 

                                   You waited happily, excited to meet him. Seconds turned into minutes and minutes turned into hours. The restaurant was kind enough to offer you a birthday cake as all the customers and employees wished you (They knew it was your birthday cause you’re the number 3 hero). Your phone ringed at 9:30pm. It was Izuku. You picked up the call and before you could say anything Izuku started pouring apologies but you already knew what was about to happen, “I’m so so sorry Puppy. I won’t be able to make it. There was a big villain in Mustafu and they said I was the only one who could-“ “It's ok. I understand. See you at home.” “Thanks a lot honey. I love you-“ Izuku was left dumbfounded when you cut off the call. He sighed and continued his paperwork, not realising what the weight of is words were. 

                                          When Izuku told you he couldn’t make it, again, you broke down into sobs then and there. You exited the restaurant after mumbling a small ‘thank you’ to the waiter who nodded and places a 2000 yen on the table even though you didn’t order anything. The paparazzi flooded the exit as they caught shots of you exiting the restaurant as a mess. You made your way home and kicked off your heels in the middle of the living room, throwing your purse on the couch as you made a beeline for the bedroom. Putting on one of Izuku’s hoodies, you fell on the bed, sobbing like you have never before. After an hour, you finally fell asleep.

                                          When the top heroes were finishing filling out the last of their paperwork about the latest villain at about 11:45pm , Bakugo started a conversation. “Deku. Didn’t you plan out something for Teddy Bear? You’ve been here the whole day. Don’t fucking tell me you forgot!” “Forgot what Kacchan?” Asked Izuku innocently. “Teddy bear’s birthday of course” When Izuku abruptly shot out of his seat, it confirmed all of their suspicions. “Ah shit- He’s dead-” Kirishima was saying when Todoroki pointed out the news on the screen in front of them. Midoriya felt like killing himself when he saw the news. “Pro hero (H/N) spotted exiting (F/R), wait is she crying?! What?! What happened that made our beloved hero cry on her birthday. To find out more keep watching-“ They were all interrupted when Midoriya finished packing up and said, “I don’t fucking care about this stupid fucking paperwork! Im going home to my girlfriend! Fucking bitchass villains!” The heroes were surprised at the number of profanities coming out of his mouth but didn’t have time to comprehend when he was already out the door. Bakugo chuckled as he continued his paperwork, “This ought to be good. He’s royally fucked.”

                                                   By the time Izuku reached your doorstep, It was already 12:10am. He had missed your birthday. Izuku’s heart broke when he entered the house and saw the mess. Broken vases, broken frames, plates scattered all over the floor and some blood on the counter. A packed birthday cake lay on the counter, a piece of it wistfully eaten by you. The final straw was when he saw you curled up on your bed, dried blood on your knuckles, and tear streaks on your face. His sobs were what woke you up from your slumber. “Izuku? Wha-“ You were interrupted when he engulfed you in a bone crushing hug. “I’m sorry Puppy-“ “Cut it out Deku. Im tired of your bullshit.” “Baby I swear. I took a day off work tomorrow. We’ll celebrate your birthday tomorrow, I’ll take you anywhere you wanna go-“ “I have work tomorrow. Besides it’ll not be my birthday tomorrow.” “Baby I’m so sorry- Please don’t be this way- I love y-“ “No you don’t” The sharpnesss of your voice sucked all the air out of his lungs. “If you would’ve, you would’ve not blown off every plan that we made the last few months, would’ve not forgotten my fucking birthday Midoriya!” He froze as the reality of his past actions finally dawned on him. Izuku breathed a sigh of relief only when you said, “It’s fine. I’ll suck it up. Now go to sleep.” He hugged you from behind as he fell into a deep slumber. At least you weren’t mad at him anymore, or so he thought.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

The next morning, Izuku woke up, with a new sense of determination in his mind. He was going to make things right today! He had taken a day off and wanted to take you out for a picnic. But his hope crumbled when he woke up to an empty bed, there was a note on his pillow, “I’ve got work. I’ll be home late. Breakfast is in the fridge.” He then realised that this was what you must’ve felt like everytime he bailed on you. He decided that he was going to make you (f/d) for lunch and would take it to your office himself. That would give him a chance to see you too. So like a good boyfriend, he cleaned up the house and prepared your lunch. 

                                    On his way to your agency, he signed a couple of autographs for his fans and clicked a few pictures with them too. His smile seemed brighter than the other days since he was going to see you today. Stepping inside your agency, Izuku approached your receptionist with a bento box in hand and said, ‘Hi! I’m here to give Y/N her lunch.” “Sorry sir but she’s not here. Dynamight had dropped by earlier and took her out for lunch.” To say he was shocked was an understatement. Since when did Bakugo become so caring? Right on cue, you appeared running inside the agency feigning fear, a massive smile evident on your face. You turned back to look at Katsuki when you bumped into your boyfriend. Your smile dropped when you saw him but you quickly put on a tight lipped smile when you greeted him. The transition of the smile on your face broke Izuku’s heart but he didn’t have time to comprehend when you were picked up bridal style by someone when he announced cockily, “I win again, Teddy Bear~”                        

                                                   Everyone was shocked to hear the malice in their beloved hero Deku’s voice when he said, “Get your filthy hands off my girlfriend, Kacchan.” “What’s your deal Deku? Why play Prince Charming now when you weren’t even able to remember her-“ “Thats enough ’Suki.” You get down from his arms, and peck his cheek lightly, “Thank you for the lunch ’Suki. You should head out now. Got work to do, don’t you?” Katsuki read the room and without any retaliation, left your agency. You turned around and walked past your boyfriend towards the elevator, “C’mon Midoriya. Let’s discuss whatever case you’ve brought now.” 

                                                                 The ride in the elevator was awkward, Izuku trying to make small talk and you with your short replies. Izuku noticed that you look unusually tired today. He finally asked, “Are you okay? You look tired. Did you get enough sleep yesterday? And why did you think that I brought a case-“ He was interrupted when cut him off, “Calm down Izuku. I’m alright, why do you suddenly care about me? And I have a headache since I fell asleep after crying for an hour straight. And I said that cause you never visit my agency, except when you have something really important cause you always go to Shoto or Ochako first.” The last parts of your sentence came out as a soft mumble as Izuku held your hands in his. Izuku’s eyes widened when you said, “Am I not good enough Izu? Do you love your hero work more than m-me? Do I just get in your w-way? Do you even remember when you last k-kissed me?  When we last went on a date? I can’t do this anymore Izuku……If you want to get rid of me then just tell- mmph” Your sentence was cut short when Izuku pulled you in by your waist and kissed you more tenderly than he had ever before. So many feelings were conveyed through that kiss. Love, Affection and most prominently, Fear. 

                  He fell on his knees before you as he wept into your abdomen. You stroked his hair tenderly as tears fell from your eyes. “Please d-don’t leave me. You’re my everything. I don’t know what I’ll do without you. Im sorry I didn’t realise earlier that you were hurting so much. You are more than enough Puppy. I’m sorry I made you feel like you weren’t. I’ll even leave hero work if you tell me to. Just please don’t leave me…..” “Izu, baby, I love you. Just this time promise me you’ll be better. And you better not break your promise this time.” He starts peppering kisses all over your face as he says, “I promise. And if I break it, then you can have my head.” 

Bonus: You both were oblivious to the fact that the elevator doors were open and you had gathered quite an audience. When you both shared a last kiss, you turned your head towards the crowd when you herd a bunch of ‘Aww’s and ’They’re so cute’. You blushed and hid your head into Izuku’s chest. He chuckled fondly at your cuteness and lightly kissed your forehead, eliciting another wave of ‘Aww’s from your staff, leaving him flustered too. 

TAGLIST : @short-black-diamond

[loving08]

I Love You

Aaron Hotchner x Y/N

Summary: Y/N has been working in the BAU for a year now, she is satisfied where she is along with her crush on her Boss Aaron Hotchner, but the entry of a new person would broke her or will she be able to be with man she love.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Epilogue

The sound of knocking woke Y/N up from her sleep, rubbing her eyes Y/N got up and goes to open the door, she saw Spencer outside waiting for her with a go bag in his hand. She stepped aside to let him in and asked "Spencer what are you doing here at....uhh...3:20 am in the morning". Spencer puts his go bag on the floor and turned towards her and said "I knew you will not check your phone, we have a case, so get ready we will go together".

Y/N just nodded her head and goes to her room to get changed. Her and Spencer get along very well, working for a year in the BAU and she found herself her best friend, she and Spencer connected instantly, firstly they both were the youngest of the team, Y/N was just 21 and Spencer was 24 and just like Spencer she also has an IQ of 190, so knowledge was common factor that they connected first. she always told Spencer everything even her crush on her boss, he was the only one who knew about her feelings and kept her secret, she knew she can always go to him and he will always be there whenever she needed him.

After getting ready she goes to the living room and grabs her go bag and they both left to go to the jet directly. Upon reaching there they parked the car and go to the jet. Going inside they saw all the team members have already arrived but they both noticed a new person sitting beside Aaron hotchner, the seat that would always be occupied by Y/N was occupied by someone else, it was odd for not only Y/N but everyone else as they have all known that seat has been always occupied by Y/N so they all thought it was a little weird but didn't said anything.

Sensing eyes on himself Hotch looked up from the file and said "ah yes I forgot, this is Agent Beth Archer she is an intern, she will be working with us in this case". Everyone introduced themselves and when it was Y/N turn Beth ignored her. Y/N felt awkward and seat beside Spencer. After everyone gets comfortable Hotch turned on the tap and Garcia face appears on the screen "Hello my lovelies, how you all doing, hope good" said Garcia. Hotch looked at the tap and said "what do we have", "ohh....yeah so 3 teenagers were kidnapped yesterday afternoon in Ohio from a party they were attending. Parents didn't think too much about it since they assumed they were at the other's house spending the night, but called it in when all of their parents did not hear from them after they were dropped off. Missing is Sarah Mitchell age 15, Dantae Pitterson age 16 and Belly Pitterson age 16".

Y/N looked at the picture of the victims on her tap and said "twins I assume?", "yes and no one know where they went after the party was over". Emily tilted her head and said "okay but why are we being called in? I mean its a big deal that the teenagers are missing but maybe the kids just decided to go to somewhere or something".

"That would be a way to think about it, but this is a kidnapping because the families have received tape recordings with messages from their kids and were send notes with their bloods saying they'll be returning the kids dead bodies if they didn't give $600,000 dollars to the given account number and that they only have 48 hours to get their children's back" said Garcia. "Do we know the relationship between these kids? friends? Dating? Relatives? classmates?" JJ asked. "friends since childhood, the messages to the Pitterson's are same as Sarah's. They are working on limited time that's why we are being called for this case and the Pitterson's are very high maintenance and a well respected family, Anthony Pitterson is the volleyball coach at the local high school and Mary Pitterson is the President of the Council of Community Schools".

Y/N frowned and said "what bout Sarah's parents?", "umm...she lives with her dad Samual Mitchell, her mom Laila Mitchell died 4 years ago due to a Road accident. The Pittersons and the Mitchells knew each other from high schools and stayed friends" said Gracia. Y/N nodded her head when Morgan asked her "why you wanted to know about the Mitchells?". Y/N looked at Morgan and said "its just....there's barely anything about the Mitchells in the file and its all about the Pitterson. I just hope they realize that Sarah is missing and she is just as important as the other kids even if her father is not a big shot". This mad Morgan cough to cover his laugh but nodded his head agreeing to her statement.

Hotch grabbed his others files and said " we can ask questions when we get there, get some rest, we all be needing it".

After a while later Hotch looked at the team and said " when we reach Ohio I want Rossi and Morgan to go and interview the Pittersons, JJ, Prentiss and Archer will go talk to the kids who attended the party, Reid I want you to look at the notes and the recordings with Garcia again, and Y/N I want you to interview Mr. Mitchell". Everyone Nodded but Beth looked up at Hotch and said "can't I go with you or stay close to you, I'm not that much comfortable with everyone as I am with you so...., please" and gave him a sad look. Everyone can see what she is trying to do, Y/N and Spencer locked eyes with each other and they both shared a look. Hotch looked at Beth and said "Agent Archer I know you are not used to the team yet and because of that I assigned you with my other Agents so that you can know them better, so take this chance to know them". and with that he turned back to his files.

Y/N knows what is going on, Beth also has a crush on Hotch but for the first time she felt like maybe.....maybe he might choose Beth over her and yeah that was not a good feeling.....at all. She shook her head and decided to focus on the case not noticing the way Hotch was looking at her, the soft look that he had only for her.

[justagalwhowrites]

Lavender - Ch. 49

Things change in Jackson but the most important things stay the same. The final chapter of Lavender, found in its entirety on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Smut! No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ only

Length: 7.3k

Sunday, October, 4, 2026

“Hey Joel!” Suzanne, a woman who worked at the clinic with you, ran up to him as he made his way home after an overnight patrol. “Do you know where Doc is?” 

“Think all my girls are at home,” he frowned a little. “Not sure, haven’t been there yet since gettin’ back but I’m heading there now… Everything OK?” 

“Think we’ve got an appendicitis,” she winced as she said it. “If she’s home, can you send her our way? Save me the trouble of going to look at your place.” 

“Yeah, ‘course,” Joel said. “I’ll see if I can track her down if she’s not there but it’s Sylvie’s nap time so can’t imagine she’d go far…” 

Suzanne smiled gratefully and ran back into the clinic, her ponytail swinging. 

Joel was eager to get home to you under any circumstance but even more so after doing an overnight patrol. He’d been away from you too long. He never slept well on patrol, never slept well if he was somewhere he couldn’t touch you, feel you breathing next to him. Whenever he got back, he usually spent five minutes just holding onto you, centering himself on you and the feeling of you in his arms again. But now you’d be running out the door right away. Even though he knew appendectomies were relatively easy and that you’d only be gone a few hours at the most, it was hard to not be a little frustrated by it. 

“Hey Love,” you smiled when he came in, stretched out on the couch with a ribbon tied like a headband in your hair and his daughter asleep on your chest. “Didn’t want to risk moving her, both of your kids have been in rare form today…” 

Sylvie, now 18 months old, shifted ever so slightly on her mother’s chest, her little features drawn in for a second - as if to prove a point - before relaxing. Her hair was getting long, her thick, dark curls a clone of her father. Her eyes were, too, when they were open. Joel knew them well. It seemed like he’d done nothing but stare at her for months after she was born, the combination of you and him something too beautiful to look away from. 

It sometimes felt to Joel that there was some part of the universe that always wanted your child to exist. You got pregnant so fast. He couldn’t be sure but the timing of the day at the lake made sense, like the only thing stopping the creation of you and him together was the power of modern medicine. The moment there was nothing preventing it she sprang into being, all but inevitable. 

Joel was surprised at just how much he loved seeing you pregnant. It hadn’t been something that he’d ever considered before now, not something he’d ever been drawn to before now. But looking at you, knowing you were growing his child, knowing your body was changing because of him somehow made you even more beautiful. 

Lucky for him, your hormones made you practically insatiable - not that you’d ever had a low sex drive. But it went from sex most nights to sex every night, often twice, and once again in the morning if you woke up with enough time before needing to get yourselves or Ellie out the door. He loved finding new places on you to touch and hold, loved kissing your stomach over where you were growing his daughter, loved holding your swollen breasts as he sank into your tight heat from behind, always cumming deep inside you because it’s not like he could make you any more pregnant. 

It took everything he had in him to not try to get you pregnant again. You’d told him, flat out, no. The pregnancy hadn’t been rough but it hadn’t been easy, either. You were tired but had a hard time sleeping, sensitive to all kinds of sights and smells, throwing up more days than you didn’t. It was easier, you said, than your first pregnancy, the one that was lost. But you were 20 years older now, everything was harder on your body now than it was then and the last thing he wanted to do was cause you any pain. 

But seeing you be a mother to his children had a tight hold on him. Every time he was inside you he had to fight the urge to plant himself deep, resist the drive to give you another child of his to grow and raise with him. Logic didn’t matter when he was inside of you, all that mattered was you and the primal need to give you as much of him as you would take. 

“Both of ‘em, huh?” He asked, coming over and pressing a deep kiss to your forehead and stroking your hair before sitting on the edge of the coffee table. 

“Yup,” you smiled a little. “Sylvie has not been on board with eating anything but she’s been crying half the day because she’s hungry. Ellie got home about an hour ago and didn’t say a word before stomping upstairs. So yes, your daughters have been in a mood today.” 

“Why are they my daughters when they’re actin’ up?” He asked, gently resting a hand on Sylvie’s back, feeling her little chest rise and fall with her sleepy breaths. 

“Because that’s when they take after you most,” you smirked a little. “When they’re angels who have never done a damn thing wrong, they’re mine.” 

He laughed once and went to scoop Sylvie off your chest and getting to his feet. You frowned. 

“I’ve got this little troublemaker since she’s apparently mine today,” he said, his youngest daughter stirring and scrunching her face as she yawned, her plump lips immediately falling into a pout. She buried her face into Joel’s neck with a little whine. “And I’ll go up and check on the other one. They need you at the clinic, appendicitis.”

“In that case, I leave you to be the outnumbered one,” you said, getting up and stretching out your back as you did. Joel took a second to admire you, the added thickness to your hips and legs and softness to your stomach and fullness to your breasts after carrying his daughter somehow making you even more lovely. Before, he didn’t think you could get anymore beautiful. Of course you’d find a way to prove him wrong. You reached up to kiss him, smiling against his lips before brushing Sylvie’s hair back. “Think you can behave yourself for your father since I’m sure he’s tired and hungry after a long day out patrolling?” 

She groaned and pushed her little face into his shoulder. He laughed. 

“Not like I haven’t dealt with moody girls before,” he said. His heart, he found, hurt less when he thought of Sarah now. The fact that she wasn’t there was still something that was missing. An emptiness and an ache of loss where he knew there should only be fullness and light. But he saw so much of her in Ellie and Sylvie and you. It made it so he could think about her, remember her, without it consuming him. He could miss her and remember her without suffering her loss. “I’ve got this Baby, go save a life.” 

You kissed his daughter’s chubby little hand and gave his arm a squeeze before leaving. He looked at Sylvie, her face still in his shoulder. 

“Alright Baby Girl,” he said. “We’re gonna try puttin’ you down for 10 minutes so I can talk to your sister, let’s see how that goes…” 

He carried her upstairs and set her gently in her crib. She stretched and yawned and pouted, her eyes closed - lashes so long they were splayed across her plump cheek - until Joel tucked a rag doll Ellie’d made her into her little grasp. She tugged it against herself and settled a bit and Joel all but tiptoed out of her room and down the hall to Ellie’s. He knocked gently on the door. 

“What.” Her voice was sharp. 

“It’s me,” he said. “Wonderin’ if you wanted to talk about somethin’.” 

“No.” 

He waited a second. 

“Can I come in?” He asked. 

“Your house.” 

He sighed. Why were teenagers so hard? He opened the door slowly and found her curled up on the bed, her eyes red and her arms crossed, her back to the mural. 

“What’s goin’ on, Baby Girl?” He asked gently, coming and sitting beside her on the bed. 

“I said I didn’t want to talk,” she snapped. “And I really don’t want to talk with you.” 

“Well, I’m who ya got,” he shrugged. “So I’d like it if you did. Want to help you if I can.” 

“You can’t help,” she glared at him. “You’ve done plenty.” 

“Wish you’d tell me what you mean,” he frowned. “I’m at a loss here, Baby Girl.” 

She sat up, crossing her legs and looking him in the eye. 

“There’d be a cure right now if it wasn’t for you, wouldn’t there.” She didn’t ask it, she said it. A statement of fact. Joel’s stomach dropped. 

“Where’d you get that idea?” He asked. 

“That’s not an answer, Joel. Would there be a cure if it wasn’t for you?” 

He sighed. 

“Let’s talk about this when your mother…” 

“No,” she shook her head. “No, she’s not my mom and you’re not my dad. You’re just some assholes who took away the one chance I had to make a fucking difference!” 

That hurt, more than he’d have thought it would. It’s not like Ellie called you Mom and him Dad but it felt like she thought of him the way he thought of her. You’d both tried to help her see how important she was, how much she mattered, what a difference she made to the people around her every day. It hadn’t seemed to stick.

“This about Lucas?” He asked softly. She glared at him but he took that for a yes. 

Her friend, Lucas, had been killed out on patrol a month earlier. Ripped apart by infected. It was tragic, the first loss on patrol in years. Lucas had been competent and likely kept the carnage from being worse, holding off a hoard long enough to get his patrol partners out alive.  Ellie had been distant and sullen a lot since then. 

You’d talked to Joel about it and the both of you figured she was mourning the loss of her friend. Neither of you thought it would be something like this. 

“Baby Girl,” he said gently. “Why don’t we talk about this when Doc gets home? You can ask us whatever you want, we’ll answer you. OK?” 

“Why, want to wait to get your stories straight?” She snapped. 

“Not gonna lie to you,” he said. “We’ll tell you whatever you want. But she needs to be here for it, too. Not right for it to just be you’n me, OK?” 

“Fine,” she snapped, curling up again. Sylvie started fussing in her room. He sighed and she just looked at him. “Go, I’m not allowed to talk to you until Doc’s here, anyway.” 

He fought the urge to fight her on it and went and picked up his youngest daughter, instead.

You’d been right about Sylvie. She wasn’t in the mood for eating anything but kept giving her hungry cry, wailing too much to actually form words, instead toddling around inconsolably. Eventually, he broke into a jar of canned peaches and handed her a sticky slice, the syrupy juice from the jar dripping down her hands. She chewed it, hiccuping, her tear-streaked little face calming. 

“You just wanted sugar,” he shook his head, smiling a little. “Should’ve known.” 

He found himself glancing at the clock every few minutes, waiting for time to pass, waiting for you to get home. For the first time, he was almost dreading it. Because the conversation with Ellie had the potential to ruin everything. He wouldn’t know how to fix it if she hated him for it. Wouldn’t know what to do if she decided to leave because of it. You’d tried to tell him that you had to explain it when it happened but he’d convinced you to do what he thought was the right thing to do. He’d convinced you to all but lie. 

If Ellie left because of it, would you leave, too? To stay with her? She would know it was Joel who wanted to hide it, she was anything but stupid. If she levied an ultimatum, would you leave him and take Sylvie with you? Would he deserve it if you did? 

All things considered, you weren’t gone long, home well before you’d either start cooking or head over to the mess hall for dinner. He met you at the door, Sylvie on his hip. 

“Hey,” you smiled, making your eyes go extra wide to get a little giggle out of your daughter. “She looks happier, I’m guessing you got her to eat something?” 

“Broke into some of the canned peaches,” he said as you put your arms around him and Sylvie, stretching up for a kiss. 

“Well if it works,” you said before you frowned. “What’s wrong? Something’s wrong…” 

“Ellie wants to talk,” he said, holding you a little closer. “About Salt Lake City.” 

You winced. 

“Shit,” you dropped your forehead to his chest and took a deep breath. “Well, we knew it was coming eventually. Think Tommy can take Sylvie for the night so we can hash this all out and make sure we’re focused on Ellie?” 

“Good plan,” he kissed the crown of your head and gave you a squeeze, some of his anxieties eased. You were here. Somehow, it was going to be OK. 

Tommy, thankfully, was fine to take Sylvie and didn’t ask many questions after he saw the look on Joel’s face. Instead, he took his niece inside to play with Jake, his son, and Joel came home to find you and Ellie on the couch. You’d made tea and Ellie was rapping her fingers against the side of her chipped mug. She narrowed her eyes at Joel when he came in, her small body tucked into the corner of the couch, her legs crossed in front of her. Joel sat in the arm chair near your end of the couch. He couldn’t settle back into it. Instead, he sat on the edge of it, his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped in front of him. 

“OK Baby Girl,” he sighed, looking at her. “What do you want to know.” 

“What happened?” She asked, staring him down. “With the Fireflies. What actually happened. You’ve never told me the truth about it but I need to know now. I can’t keep living with you fucking lying to me about it!” 

“OK,” you said gently. “It’s OK…” 

“No, it’s not OK,” she snapped. “And I’m tired of pretending like it is!” 

“They were gonna kill you, Baby Girl,” Joel said, struggling to speak past the lump in his throat, the tightness in his chest. 

“What?” Her eyes were a little wide. “No, Marlene said…” 

“Marlene lied,” you said, your voice sharper than Joel was used to hearing. “Their doctor was purposely vague with me because he knew I wouldn’t go along with his plan…” 

“What was the plan?” Ellie asked. “What did they need that would kill me?” 

“Your brain,” Joel said. It hurt him to even think about it, to think back to those horrific minutes where he wasn’t sure if he’d get to her in time, where he thought he might have lost her forever. “They needed the Cordyceps that have been in you since you were born and they grow inside your brain…” 

“You should have let them!” She cut him off, her eyes wide and teary. “Why would you stop them?” 

“Ellie…” he began but she smacked her mug down on the coffee table with a loud thud. 

“This was my one chance!” She looked between the two of you. “I could have actually done something! Been something, made a difference! My life would have mattered!” 

“Your life matters just the way it is,” you said, tears in your eyes. “Ellie, you and Sylvie are the most important things in the world to us, nothing could matter more than you…” 

“What about every other person in the fucking world?” She demanded. “What about…”

“The science was flawed,” you cut her off. “You were the only sample, to even test it would have killed you. Do you know how rarely something works right the first time in science? Basically never. Do you know how many combinations of things I had to try before my treatment worked in testing? Thousands, Ellie. They were going to kill you on the off chance he had it right and then when it didn’t work, what would be the point? That you got to die a noble death? That we lost you for nothing? 

“I had notes from the treatment I developed and he wanted to wait to try anything with it until after he took the cordyceps from you,” you pressed on. “He could have said stop. He could have decided to exhaust every other option first and he didn’t. He was convinced he was right and that’s not a good way to conduct science, I couldn’t trust him to do this right. The other option wasn’t for you to save the world Ellie, not really. Yes, maybe it would have gotten there eventually but it was so far from a certain thing.” 

“But…” she protested. 

“You’re not a parent,” Joel said gently. “But would you have let them kill me or her for that? Or Sylvie? Would you have let them kill your little sister for somethin’ like that?” 

Ellie just stared at her lap. 

“So what happened?” She asked, her voice thick. “You said the place was attacked but it wasn’t, was it?” 

Joel looked at you and you reached out your hand for him. He took it, holding onto you for dear life. 

“They weren’t goin’ to listen, Baby Girl,” he said. “I did what I had to do to keep you safe.” 

She nodded slowly. 

“And that’s how Doc got shot,” she stated it again. “They were trying to protect themselves from you.” 

“Yeah,” he said, your hand still tight in his own.

“How many people?” She asked quietly, looking up at the two of you. “How many people died there?” 

He clenched his jaw for a moment before he was able to meet her eyes. 

“I’m not sure,” he said. “I… I was so focused on gettin’ you out, I just did whatever I had to do.” 

“So you killed all those people,” she said. “Brought me here… and Doc, you just gave up? You never tried to do anything with all that shit you did? You just let people keep turning?” 

“Ellie…” you went to reach for her but she flinched back. 

“I can’t…” she shook her head. “I need to think… I’m going to stay with Dina for a bit.” 

She got up and Joel did, too. 

“Baby Girl,” he said but she shook her head. 

“Lucas might still be alive if she’d just done something,” Ellie shook her head. “But she didn’t. Neither one of you did. And it’s all fucking because of me.” 

She left and you were staring at the spot on the couch where she’d been. 

“Baby,” he said cautiously. He didn’t like the look on your face. “I’ll go after her…” 

“No,” you shook your head and wiped your eyes. “No, let her go. She deserves some space from me.” 

You got up and went for the stairs. 

“Baby…” 

“I’m going to shower,” you said. 

He watched you go, wishing he could find some way to fix it. 

*** 

Tuesday, May 11, 2027 

“Don’t like this,” Joel stood next to you, holding Sylvie, frowning. “It’s too dangerous…” 

“I’ll be fine,” you put your palm in the middle of his chest and kissed him. “I’ll be home as soon as I can.” 

He pulled you tight against him, his lips in your hair. 

“Mama,” Sylvie grabbed your braid. “Can I go on the horsie?” 

You smiled and brushed your daughter’s hair back. She looked so much like her father it made your heart ache. 

“Not this time, Baby Girl,” you smiled. “But soon. Promise.” 

“You ready?” Tommy rode up along side your horse. 

“As I’ll ever be,” you gave him a tight smile before kissing Sylvie one more time and giving Joel a longing look. “I’ll be back soon. I will.” 

“You’re not back by Labor Day I’ll come get you back,” he said, voice dark. “Make sure they fuckin’ know it.” 

He kissed your forehead and you mounted your horse, heading with Tommy outside Jackson. 

The day after Ellie left was your birthday and it was the worst it had been in years. You stayed in bed most of the day, Joel just holding you. 

“She’s right,” you said as the sun went down, your husband’s fingers tracing up and down your arm. “I should have done something with it, I’ve just been letting people die by not doing something with it…” 

Joel tried to talk you out of it but you were determined then. You pulled Tommy aside and talked him into tracking down old Firefly contacts he had, seeing if he could find Dr. Anderson. After making some carefully placed radio calls over a span of months - much to Maria’s chagrin - he found him, at a hospital in Boise. 

“You’re not goin’,” Joel paced your kitchen, his arms crossed. “I don’t give a shit if you can save everyone on the goddamn planet, you’re not goin’.” 

“Yes, I am,” you said, sitting at the table, voice calm. “I respect your opinion but you don’t get to make this decision for me.” 

“What if somethin’ happens to you?” He asked, stopping in front of you. “You’re talkin’ about meetin’ up with a bunch of fuckin’ terrorists who already damn near killed you…” 

“They need what’s in my head,” you said. “They won’t kill me.” 

He knelt in front of you, almost the exact place he’d been when he’d proposed years earlier, and took your face in his hands, holding you gently. 

“I can’t do this without you, Baby,” he said, his deep brown eyes soft and scared. “Don’t ask me to try’n live without you, I don’t want it…” 

“I can’t live with myself if I don’t try,” you whispered, pressing your forehead to his. “Please, Joel. I have to do this. I have to.” 

He made it obvious that he wasn’t a fan of the idea but he agreed to it, staying behind to take care of Sylvie and keep an eye on Ellie, who had started coming around again, more to see Joel than anything else. You hadn’t told her you were leaving or why. You didn’t want to get her hopes up in case something fell through or have her feel responsible for you choosing to go if something happened to you out there. But you left a note to her, Sylvie and Joel, just in case you didn’t make it home. Just to be safe. 

“Been a while since just you’n me got into trouble,” Tommy said as the gates closed behind you. “Should be fun.” 

“Whatever you say, Tommy the Commie,” you smirked. 

“Jesus,” he sighed. “Been how long and you’re still on that? Gotta get a new schtick, Kid.” 

You laughed. At least you got to go on this damned trip with one of your best friends.

The ride to Boise was uneventful and you made it in just five days. The Fireflies were about as happy to see you as you were to see them, holding the two of you at gunpoint as you rode up to the city. Tommy looked about as happy about it as Joel would be. 

“Dr. Miller,” Dr. Anderson said when you came to the hospital, giving you a stiff nod. “Can’t say I ever thought I’d see you again.” 

“Feeling’s mutual,” you said, standing up as straight as you could, jaw squared. “You tried to kill my daughter.” 

“And you kept me from saving the world for mine,” he said. “So I think we’re even.” 

The two of you struck up an uneasy working relationship, Tommy hovering like a body guard for the first week you were there but apparently trusting the Fireflies enough to not kill you for at least a few hours at a time. 

You’d brought some vials of Ellie’s blood with you, taken by one of the nurses at the clinic under the guise of running a few standard tests when she was sick with the flu weeks before. It took some time, but you were able to narrow down what you thought at least stopped the progression of cordyceps in her, even if it wouldn’t go as far as making someone immune. By late July, you’d developed an emergency injectable you thought would work to halt the progress of the cordyceps. Dr. Anderson distributed it to the Fireflies who were most likely to encounter infected. Then, it was a waiting game. 

It took three weeks to discover that it worked. A patrol was overwhelmed by infected and one man was bitten. They used the injectable at the bite and the spread stopped. He was rushed back to you and Dr. Anderson, where the two of you carefully extracted the cordyceps from his arm. 

“It’s not a cure,” you said after the man had been monitored for four days with no sign of infection. “But we can stop new infections.” 

“That’s a whole hell of a lot,” he nodded. “We can synthesize it, spread it. It’ll take a while but it’s a start. A start to getting our world back.” 

You were excited, of course. Thrilled that your idea had worked, that you’d been able to help begin to stop the suffering caused by infected. But mostly, you wanted to get home. You missed Joel, you missed Sylvie, you missed Ellie. You missed your life with them. You and Tommy left for Jackson the next day. 

The ride back to Jackson felt longer than the ride to Boise. Maybe it was because you were so ready to get home and because your husband and daughters felt so close but so far. By the time you got back, you all but jumped off your horse at the stables and ran home. 

“Joel?” You called as you pulled open the front door. You heard something clatter to the sink in the kitchen and he appeared in the doorway. 

“Baby,” he ran and grabbed you, clutching you close to him, almost knocking the air out of you. “Fuck, I’ve been so worried, I’ve missed you so much…” 

He sounded like he was on the verge of tears as he held you to him, kissing every part of you he could reach. 

“I missed you,” you held onto him, your fingers in his hair. “But we did it, Joel. We made something that can stop infection…” 

“I’m so proud of you,” he pulled back from you enough that he could kiss you. “But I care much more about you bein’ back than anything about infected…” 

You laughed at that. He went and got Sylvie from her seat in the kitchen, where she’d been coloring. 

“Mama!” She started squirming when she saw you, stretching and reaching. 

“Hi Baby Girl!” You took her from her father and tried to keep from crying. She was bigger now than you remembered, her hair longer. You held her to you and breathed her in, Joel pulling you both against him. 

“They didn’t have…” Ellie said, coming in the front door. You twisted to see her and you heard something clatter to the floor. “Mom!” 

She hurled herself at you, holding onto you tightly. 

“I’m so sorry,” she was crying. “I didn’t…” 

“No, Baby Girl,” you wrapped the arm not holding Sylvie around her and kissed her temple. “You were right, I should have done something with this so much sooner…” 

“I’m just so glad you’re back,” she said, burying her face in your shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Mom. I shouldn’t have said that shit, I’m so sorry…” 

“Just keep calling me Mom and you can say just about anything else you want,” you said, voice wet. She laughed. “I love you, Ellie. So much.”

“Love you, too.” 

October 5, 2029

The first time you heard a plane overhead, you instinctively ducked. The last time you’d heard that sound was the day of the outbreak, almost 25 years earlier, and a plane had almost come down on your head. 

You were walking home from the clinic and you ran the rest of the way to your house. 

“Joel!” You yelled the second you were in the door, but you didn’t have to go far to find him. He was sitting on the floor of your living room, playing with Sylvie. 

“Baby?” He frowned, a doll in his large hands as Sylvie held the bottle and sat on his lap. “What’s goin’ on, everything OK?” 

“There was a plane,” you said, breathless, eyes wide. “Overhead, outside. There’s a plane.” 

“A plane?” He raised his eyebrows. “You’re sure?” 

“Damn sure,” you said and then you laughed a little. “People are flying again. There was a fucking plane.” 

That was when you got your idea. It was probably a damned stupid idea but it was an idea. 

Maria and the rest of the council had been getting regular updates from the outside world since the drug had started being distributed. Things were changing, quickly. 

Now that traveling was safer, people started moving a bit more freely. Caravans started first, then train lines opened. It didn’t take long for FEDRA to fall and be replaced with a government more closely resembling the former United States. 

Now that there were planes running again, you imagined that meant things were stabilizing. And if things were stable - if people could travel across the country - maybe you could do the one thing you’d wanted to do since coming to Jackson: See if Andrew and Jess would join you. 

You missed them and Elizabeth and Jonah fiercely. They were still young enough that they could have a childhood here, that they could learn and grow and lead something close to a normal life here. 

Talking Maria and the council into it had been surprisingly simple. Jess’ psychology training would be a boon, adding more children to the community was welcome. And you got the impression that, after five years of treating the people here at the clinic, they wanted to do something for you. There was a train line that ran to Salt Lake City from Boston, and you radioed Andrew for the first time in almost five years. 

“Holy shit!” He said when Abe got him and put him on the line. “I didn’t think I’d ever hear from you again, I have so much to tell you…” 

“I have a lot to tell you, too,” you said, trying not to cry at the sound of his voice. “But I wanted to ask… How attached are you and Jess to Boston? Feel like hopping on a train west and starting over? I promise, where I live? It’s worth it.” 

They came out a few months later and you were there, back in Salt Lake City with Joel and extra horses, meeting them. It was the second time you’d been reunited with someone you loved on your birthday. 

You recognized Elizabeth immediately as she jumped out of the carriage first, even though she was far taller now than she had been the last time you saw her. You had to stop yourself from crying. Jonah was next, then Jess, then Andrew. 

“Hey!” You started running for them. Andrew saw you then, dropping his pack and running for you, the two of you slamming into each other so hard you were sure Joel heard the thud. 

“I never thought I’d see you again,” he said as you clung to him. “Holy shit I missed you…” 

“I missed you, too,” you said, choked up. “So much has happened and I kept wanting to tell you fucking everything and I couldn’t and it sucked!” 

“Me too,” he laughed. “Me too.” 

It took you five days to make it back to Jackson, giving you plenty of time to catch up. Things got worse in Boston after you left. FEDRA’s grip tightened, life becoming more and more locked down. Andrew and Jess did everything they could for their children, trying to give them a normal life but there was only so much they could really do for them. They’d been looking for a place to go when you’d radioed. 

Andrew wasn’t shocked that you and Joel had ended up together. He was a little more surprised that you’d had a baby, though. 

“I’m so happy for you,” he said, looking a little teary. “You deserve it. You have for so long but I’m so glad you finally got what you wanted.” 

The house behind yours in Jackson was open and they moved in there. After giving them a few days to settle in, you invited them over for dinner and game night with the kids. There were so many people, your kitchen table had never seemed quite so small. You loved it. 

“I’m so glad you’re here,” you said, hugging Andrew goodbye as his family left for the short walk back home. 

“Me too,” he said. “The codependency squad is back in the same place and all is right with the world.” 

You laughed and the two of you watched as Lizzy twirled with Sylvie on your back deck, Ellie playing guitar perched on the steps, Jonah watching her, enraptured. Joel put his arm around your shoulders and you leaned your head against him as Jess slipped her hand into her husband’s. 

“See you around?” He asked. 

“Don’t think you’ve got another choice,” you smiled. 

Sylvie went down easy that night, worn out from playing with her newfound cousins. You could still hear the quiet chords as Ellie practiced guitar in her room.

“Night Ellie,” you called as you went to close your bedroom door. “Don’t stay up too late, guitar down soon.” 

“I’ll take it easy,” she called back. “Night Mom, night Dad.” 

“Can’t say I ever thought I’d be hosting a game night for anyone,” Joel said as you both climbed in bed and turned out the light. 

You laughed. 

“Me either,” you said. “Crazy what five years can do.” 

You snuggled up against him and he put his arm around you, kissing your cheek, working his way down to your jaw and then to your mouth. 

“What do you think you’re doing there, Mr. Miller?” You teased, your arm going around his waist. He was softer and thicker there now, but you liked it. A sign of the fact that he wasn’t struggling anymore, proof that he was still here to grow old with you, raise your daughters with you. 

“Gettin’ my hopes up, Mrs. Miller,” he said, voice low as his hand slipped below your tank top and found your breast, holding you gently, his thumb brushing your nipple. 

“Well, I wouldn’t want to let you down,” you smiled against his mouth and he pressed you closer. 

You hooked a leg over his hip and ground your aching core against his already hard length. It didn’t seem to matter that you were 50 years old now, that you’d first slept with him almost 30 years before, that he was there in your bed every night, you always seemed to want him and he always seemed to want you. 

He slipped the straps of your tank top down and off, tugging the fabric to the top of your shorts before kissing down your throat to your bare chest. He kissed along the curve of you there, his lips and tongue and teeth brushing along the tender flesh until he sucked your nipple into his mouth and moaned around you, teasing you with his tongue. You groaned and instinctively rocked your hips against nothing, already desperate and needy for him. He moved to your other breast, giving in the same treatment as he held the first one in his large hand, gently rolling your peaked nipple between his thumb and finger.  

“Joel,” you breathed, arching your back into him. 

“Someone sounds needy,” he breathed, pressing his lips to your sternum and kissing down your stomach - still soft from when you’d carried Sylvie years before. Joel had never seemed to mind. 

“I am,” you groaned as he tugged down your shorts and panties, taking the tank top with them, leaving you naked before him. “Fuck, I need you…” 

“Can’t let you go unsatisfied now, can we?” He asked, spreading your legs and settling between them. He put your thighs over his shoulders and he teased his tongue along your seam, curling it around your already swollen clit. He hummed in approval. 

“Taste fuckin’ delicious,” he said, licking you again. “Can’t believe this pussy is all mine…” 

“All yours, Joel,” you groaned as he pressed his tongue into your aching entrance, making you gasp. 

He ate you gently at first, his lips and tongue working with his fingers as they softly toyed with your clit. But your husband knew your body well, maybe better than you, and the second he could feel you starting to tighten around him, he was harsher, more eager. His beard scratched against your sensitive skin as he pressed his tongue deep, his nose against your clit as he swallowed up your wetness, two of his fingers hooking inside of you so that they plunged deep as his tongue pulled back, one always replacing the other so you got the delicious friction and push and pull without ever feeling empty. 

“Joel,” you panted, your fingers winding in his hair, your hips rocking against his face. You felt the edges of his mouth pull up but he didn’t slow his pace, not even as you exploded around him, your grip on his hair tightening. He ate at you until your orgasm eased and you were left, pliant and gasping for breath, below him. 

“That’s my girl,” he said, crawling up your body and wiping your slick on the back of his hand before he settled himself between your thighs. His thick, heavy length brushed against your dripping sex and he kissed you, tasting like toothpaste and your own cum. You looped your arms around his neck as he pressed just the head of himself into you, the stretch at your entrance delicious enough to make your back arch into him. 

“I want you,” you breathed when he pulled back from your lips enough for you to speak. “Please…” 

“Past wanting you,” he said, sliding himself into you inch by devastating inch. “Past needing you, too. Don’t think there’s a word for how much I want and need you, Baby…” 

You whimpered below him as he sank into your body until he was fully within you, your channel feeling so full and stretched but so damn satisfied. 

“Belong inside of you,” he leaned down to kiss your throat. “Made to be inside you…” 

You wanted to say something back but could only moan as he started to move inside you, his thick cock dragging along your inner walls, his head catching on every ridge of you as he worked his length within you. 

He started out faster and harder, your nails digging into his back, the air getting knocked out of you in little gasps with every snap of his hips. Your second orgasm was building fast and, when you began to tighten around him, he pressed as deep as he could reach, slowing is pace so you could feel every exquisite movement. 

“You’re gettin’ close,” he panted, hips moving slow and steady, pressing yours down into the bed so firmly you wondered if you were going to have a bruise in the morning. You didn’t care. “Can feel it, you always get so goddamn tight right before, Baby, love feelin’ you like this…” 

“Can’t help it,” you were keening below him, doing everything you could to take him deep. “You feel too good, Joel I can’t…” 

“Cum for me,” his whole body was covering yours, every inch of him against or within you. “Need to feel you, Baby, need to feel this pussy - my pussy - cum on me…” 

“Fuck!” You gasped as your walls fluttered around you and he let out a strangled moan as he fucked you through your orgasm. 

“That’s it, Baby,” he sounded almost choked up, straining to hold off his own orgasm for another minute. “Doing so good for me, takin’ me so well, feelin’ so goddamn good…” 

Your orgasm faded and he all put ripped himself from your body before pressing his cock head against your clit and spilling his seed over you there, his warm cum making your oversensitive, wrung-out nub throb. 

“Fuck Baby,” he collapsed next to you for a moment before he reached into his bedside table and grabbed a clean washcloth, reaching between your legs to wipe away the combination of his spend and your slick. “How are you always that fuckin’ incredible?” 

“If you were made for me then I was made for you,” you said, still catching your breath as you rolled to wrap around him. He pulled your naked body tightly to his own and dropped the washcloth on his nightstand, next to the candle you’d made the year before. It was lavender scented, made with oils taken from the plants you’d grown in your back yard. They came from the buds you’d taken from Bill and Frank’s when you first headed west. You’d made several of the candles, liking the fact that the smell helped reduce stress and anxiety. You, Joel and Ellie had seen enough of that in your lives.

Your mind drifted as you lay in your husband’s arms. You drifted through the past 30 years of your lives, the pain of deep loss, the profound connection to the people you’d come to love, the life you’d built with Joel in Jackson. You thought of your daughters that were here with you and the daughters you lost - Sarah and your unborn child. You’d started picturing her as a girl, always a girl. Joel, you were certain, was built for raising incredible girls. He’d done it with Sarah and now he was doing it with Ellie and Sylvie, too. He’d have done that with the baby you lost, too. You could feel it. That feeling hurt less now with Joel beside you.

You thought of Joel playing guitar in your living room, next to the pictures of Sarah and Tess and a sketch you’d made of Ellie and Sylvie. You thought of the way he called you and Ellie and Sylvie “his girls” as though you were everything that mattered to him. You thought of the way that, even as he’d fought to push you away for so long, you kept finding each other again and again because there was something inside of you both that was always reaching for the other. You were made for him and he was made for you. Of that, you were certain. 

His lips found the top of your head, his hands splayed wide over your back as he held onto you. 

“Love you, Baby,” he whispered in the dark. “More than anything. Always have, always will.” 

“Always love you, Joel,” you whispered back. “Until the day I die.” 

You drifted off to sleep in his arms, in your home with the family you’d built with the man you were always meant to find. He was yours, you were his and you were happy.

A/N: I can't believe it's over! I sincerely hope you are happy with where Joel, Doc and Ellie wound up in Jackson. They're finally all at a point where they can do more than survive, they can thrive together, just like they were always meant to.

Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you times a million for reading this story. Your kindness, love and support have meant so much as I've written this piece. I don't think it's possible to thank you enough for that, so I'll just say it again: Thank you.

If you've ever liked a chapter, commented, reblogged, anything at all, please know that I appreciate you. Every notification I got on this fic made me smile. You helped make this journey an absolute joy.

I did start a new fic, called Yearling. It's another TLOU Joel fic and you can find it here.

I'm not great at goodbyes so I'll just say this: See you around. I hope you'll join me on another adventure one day. Until then, take care of yourselves, spread some kindness and share love when you can. I love you all!

Taglist: @paleidiot@ayamenimthiriel@ginger-swag-rapunzel@drewharrisonwriter@flugazi @pedropascalsbbg@taoyuji@starstruckmusiciansartghost@splendsay@bigboiseason123@jpbplvr @ashleyandring @mrsyixingunicorn10@sloanexx@ninaminaromina @lady-bellyn @hufflepuffriver @sarap-77 @storyarcscribe @mellymbee @jasminedragoon @lemonmeli @reds-ramblings@arizonadaydreamer@mumma-moonchild@blackroseguzzi@candypeaches16@kittenlittle24@wrappedinfiction@oatmeaiboy@pedritosdarling@winchestergypsy90@imnotdatboii @lalalalemonade11 @maknimuk1@mrsdarcyinlovewithbuckybarnes@pedrosaidsheispunk@commanderawkward@n7cje@elliesgirlll@tsunamistorm123@spookyxsam@leeeesahhh @anoverwhelmingdin @untamedheart81 @pedropascalfan221 @pedr0swh0r3 @pedrobae@fifia-writes@fatima-marisa @acf2023 @1soff@encephalitiskat @ashleymsnodgrass @karlinspace

[hotreadingwitch]

MADE TO LIE - the drive

BUCKY 

Bucky woke up early that morning, his unnatural body bouncing back easily despite the amount of alcohol he’d consumed mere hours ago. Looking at the ticking hands of his old-fashioned clock with a huff, he got up and put on his running gear before heading outside. When he was stressed like this, when that ball of feeling inside him threatened to boil over and ruin the entire life he’d built from the ground up since he’d reconnected with Steve, running was the only thing that helped. The secluded property Tony owned was free for their use at all times and it was on days like this where he was particularly grateful that he could complete five laps around the acres and acres of surrounding forest. 

Stopping in the middle of the woods, his heart beating hard, though not from running, Bucky pulled out his phone. 

“I’m scared Doc” Bucky’s quiet admission filled the silence when Dr.Pashia picked up. 

“Scared of what exactly Bucky?” She questioned, her calm voice soothing his racing heart, despite the fact that he was calling her unprompted at 5 o’clock in the morning. 

“You know” he gulped. 

“I do” she answers sagely, “But I’d like to hear you say it. I think it would be more helpful for you that way, don’t you think?” 

“I’m scared of what I’m feeling, of the thoughts I’m having…” his voice was thick. 

“Yes, and what else?” 

“Y/n is so special and I’m scared the closer I get to her the more potential I have to hurt her. We started this mission on the wrong foot and I’ve already harmed her just by trying to keep my distance. I keep fucking up and I’m scared it’s only going to get worse the closer we get” he gulped before confessing, “…You know how long I’ve liked her” 

Dr.Pashia was silent, prompting him to continue. 

“I’m worried that it—that everything I’ve been through has taken all the good out of me. And she deserves someone better than me, I know it” 

“I believe that’s Y/n’s choice to make”

He swiped his hand over his mouth in frustration. 

“I—I’ve got to go—” Bucky strained before moving to end the call. 

“Bucky?” Her voice crackled through the line with a small sigh, “I know this all feels like too much for you to handle but before you go, I want to remind you of who you are and who you’ve been, and no, I don’t mean the Winter Soldier. Remember you’re a good man, a good soldier, a good brother, a good son, a good teammate, and a good friend. Please don’t forget that you are good and deserve to be happy despite what you might think and no matter what you’ve done.”

“Thanks, Doc, as always” 

“You’re welcome Bucky” 

Taking a deep, shaky breath he shut down the call before taking the long walk back to the compound. 

Y/N 

Y/n’s alarm went off and she was quickly awakened from her groggy slumber. She slapped her hand over her phone to turn off its incessant buzzing. Past the large windows, Y/n could see the grassy terrain just outside of the compound as well as the large forest and small lake beyond. She sat up, stretching her body before getting out of bed to get herself ready for the day ahead.

When she finally stood, she felt as if her head was going to explode, her vision going slightly blurry around the edges. She knew she and Bucky would be driving down to the city today and yet she’d drank as much as she did last night anyway, without a care in the world. The truth was it was all the caring that had made her drink that much in the first place…and now she was suffering the consequences. 

“Fuck” she grumbled to herself before slipping into a cozy outfit. 

~

“Morning” Y/n announced as she walked into the gray modern kitchen of the compound, wincing as her cheery tone rang loudly in her ears. 

“Ugh” Wanda groaned back as she saw her friend enter the room, “Not so loud, please” 

“How many times have I told you both to pace yourselves? To not drink so much?” Natasha chided with an eye roll. 

“It’s not our fault that you’re somehow biologically immune to vodka” 

“It’s more of a talent than a genetic thing really” she quipped back before wiggling her eyebrows at Y/n, “Excited for today? 

“Not exactly…” Y/n paused over her bowl of cereal. 

“What do you mean, ‘not exactly’?” Wanda pressed, her head tilting, “Don’t you want to get to know your new partner in crime?”

“Well, I guess I hadn’t thought of it like that” Y/n replied pensively. She had been so focused, first, on her anger at Bucky for being so rude and then on the new budding feeling inside her. She hadn’t even considered today could be an opportunity to learn more about the mysterious James Buchanan Barnes, “By the way, I haven’t had the chance to tell you both, last night—” 

A low, gruff voice from behind them interrupted their conversation, “Ready to go Y/n?”

Y/n turned her head to see the Bucky’s tall form lurking in the doorway to the kitchen. 

“You bet” she replied, trying to keep the atmosphere light between them despite the palpable tension. Y/n got up and headed towards the door, turning to her girlfriends and shooting them a nervous look before following him out towards the compound’s garage. Grimacing slightly at him, she added quietly, “As ready as I’ll ever be”

The garage was a very large white room with a slate gray floor and, of course, a gigantic Avengers logo mounted to the wall. Y/n rarely went in there except to get the jets for missions. She and Bucky walked past the rows of Avengers planes until they came to a door tucked away in the front corner that Y/n had somehow never noticed. It was the exact same colour as the wall and blended in seamlessly. Bucky unlocked it with a small silver key revealing a room full of vintage cars. 

“Wow” Y/n exclaimed at what she assumed was Tony’s collection, running her finger along the shiny side of a red convertible, “These are amazing”

“Well, this one is ours for the time being” Bucky gestured to a slick black car with silver accents. He caressed the car with an almost childlike wonder, taking in every detail of its exterior. Y/n had never seen him excited like this before, he was usually so closed off. 

“It’s a 1966 Ford Thunderbird”

“You like cars?” she assessed, smiling at him before slipping into the plush leather passenger seat. 

Bucky nodded, sliding in as well. As they backed out of the garage he gripped the wheel with his vibranium hand, the flesh one rested on the back of Y/n’s headrest. Y/n couldn’t help but inhale his scent as he leaned into her while he backed up. He smelt good and masculine like wood, smoke, and gunmetal all mixed together. 

As they drove away from the compound Y/n immediately became immersed in the scenery around them. The trees seemed to sway, beautiful with their various warm shades of red, orange, and yellow. Bucky stared at Y/n as she looked out the window, her knees tucked up to her chest. Her head then turned and she was startled to see Bucky’s blue-gray gaze fixated on her even as he drove. 

~1 hour later~

“We should listen to something” Y/n chirped. Bucky rolled her eyes but she ignored his grumpy response, quickly connecting her phone to the speaker, “Hmm let’s see. Well, what kind of music do you like?”

“I like 40s music so…” he replied.

“Any other decades?” Y/n laughed. 

Bucky gave her a stony look but remained silent. 

“60s? 70s? 80s?” She questioned but he continued to fight back with his silence. 

“Fine let’s go with the classics…” she thought aloud, “What about the Beatles?” 

“No” 

“Fleetwood Mac?”

“No” 

“Led Zeppelin?” 

“Maybe” 

“What about Marvin Gaye? Everybody loves Marvin Gaye” 

“I like Marvin Gaye” Bucky replied, earnestly. 

“Steve adores Marvin Gaye” she giggled, pushing him a bit further, grumbling, “You clearly don’t…”

His superhuman hearing picked up on her bait. 

“I like Marvin Gaye” he growled, practically pulling out the steering wheel with his tight grip. 

Though Bucky angry with his fists clenched should have scared Y/n it ended up doing the exact opposite. She broke out into a fit of laughter and couldn’t stop herself even when she saw Bucky’s eyebrows raise at her as if to say, what the hell. In a minute, however, his features softened. Somehow, even though she was technically making fun of him, the gentle laughter of the woman beside him made him smile, even if just a little. 

“Do you even know this song?” She quipped, continuing to playfully jab at him as she queued a track. 

Hey, hey, hey…Hey, what’s happening? Brother, what’s up? 

The intro to Marvin Gaye’s What’s Going On rumbled through the car’s updated system that Tony had no doubt paid too much money to install. The sweet croon of the saxophone, followed by the artist’s mellow voice, acted like a balm to Y/n’s soul. Relaxing further into her cushiony, leather seat, she softly sang the first few lines. 

Mother, mother there’s too many of you crying. Brother, brother, brother there’s far too many of you dying. 

“So, do you?” She poked again, a small smile drifting onto her face, “You’ve got to know this one at least” 

“I know it”

“Thank goodness” she blew out an overly-dramatic breath in faux-relief, turning in her seat to smile at him. 

“You do know I was technically alive in the 70s don’t you?” Bucky chuckled with a knowing smirk.

“How old are you even? Exactly, I mean…” 

“I’m 98” he stated easily, “I’ll be 99 next March” 

“When’s your birthday?” 

“God” he groaned, “Please tell me you aren’t asking ‘cause you want to know my sign. Wanda cornered me when we first met to ask, I couldn’t get away from her for two whole hours. She did my entire birth chart” 

He said the last words with semi-disgust causing Y/n to chortle. 

“So you’re not going to tell me then” she sighed before guessing, “Well let’s think, you’ve already said you’re born in March so you’re either a Pisces or an Aries. Guessing by how emotionally unavailable you seem I’m going to go ahead and say Pisces” 

“Hey! That shit is scary…” he barely repressed a shiver, “I don’t get how you can know these kinds of things about people, from what, the stars?” 

“I like to think it’s fate, the way that we end up that is” 

“You believe in fate?” He scoffed. 

She gazed at him, affronted, “Yeah I do, you don’t?” 

“I learned a long time ago not to believe in things like that” 

A beat of silence passed between them. 

“Well start believing, old man” 

Bucky scoffed again before a smile slowly spread across his face, like he was trying to suppress it but was failing miserably. It took Y/n all her strength to tear her gaze away from the bright expression that had appeared in place of Bucky’s typical stormy, hard-edged gaze. Only when she finally found herself able to do so did she realize that Bucky was parking their car in the mostly empty parking lot of a building just off the side of the highway they’d been on for the last hour. The orange-neon sign stated that they were at “Milton’s Drive-In Diner”

As Y/n stepped into the diner, the jiggle of the bell attached to the door made her jump. It was so quiet otherwise, seemingly no one in the space other than a small older man tucked away toward the back counter and a pair of girlfriends who Y/n assumed might be going camping due to their large packs. Bucky placed a comforting hand on the small of her back, the act easing the tension between her shoulders that she hadn’t even realized was there. She relaxed even more when the smell of pies, pastries, and shitty coffee suddenly filled her nostrils. 

“Not quite a Parisian café but it’ll do” Bucky smirked toward her. 

“No, not quite” she joked back before admitting, “I might just like it better”

Bucky made no comment, though he didn’t need to, the rise of his eyebrow was enough. 

“Hello, hello” a cheery older woman, maybe in her mid-60s, with a Southern drawl called out from the kitchen, “Sit wherever y’all like” 

Bucky shuffled them over to a table in the corner opposite the one the older man seemed to be now passed out in. Y/n sat down at the booth, her hands rubbing curiously across the cracked vinyl of the seat below her.

“Y/n” Bucky said then, something about the soft way he said her name drawing her attention back to him. 

Sometimes she forgot just how handsome he truly was. 

“Yes?”

“Before we get to the city, I think we should talk more about the mission…We haven’t really discussed any of it since Tony assigned it to us” 

“Very good Barnes, I’m sure he would give you a gold star if he was here” she chuckled to herself. 

“I’m serious” he gritted out, “And it’s Bucky” 

Her mind flashed to the night of the party, nodding silently before sighing, a bitterness coating her tongue as she spoke, “Well Bucky, I know this mission goes against everything I believe in and yet because of you and Tony I’m doing it anyways. I also know that, for some unknown reason, you’re just somehow fine with everything. Care to explain?” 

He shook his head in disbelief, ice seeping into his sharp gaze.

“You’re not going to tell me why you’re okay with this are you?” 

“No,” he said through gritted teeth. 

“No?” she huffed, eyes narrowing, “Okay right, real good talk partner. Next time you want to have a real conversation Barnes remember that it takes two to tango” 

“You think I don’t know that” he spat back, lowering his voice to a deadly rumble, “Listen Y/n, there are reasons behind my choices that you’ll never know or understand okay? That doesn’t mean you get to say I’m not trying cause I am, believe me, this is the hardest thing I’ve had to do in years. I’m trying to do the right thing for once in my fucking life, to start fresh, to do anything other than what I’ve done in my past. So please believe me when I say that I am trying, I’m trying to be better for you…” 

The confession sat on the linoleum table between them. 

“Don’t you think we should’ve had this conversation before we even had sex?” Y/n whispered quietly, hating how vulnerable she sounded, surprised at the bundle of emotions that were suddenly spilling out, “We got assigned the mission and you hurt me by being cruel, we filmed the tape and you hurt me by acting like it was nothing, we watched the news spread like wildfire and you hurt me by forcing me to deal with the aftermath alone…All you’ve done is hurt me Bucky and it just sucks, you’re supposed to be my partner in this. I want you to be with me in this.” 

“I’m—” he started, peering down at her with clear regret, only to be interrupted by the old Southern belle from earlier, who was ready to take their order. 

“What can I get y’all? You driving down to the city? Bet you’re staying somewhere nice downtown from the looks of yous” 

“Two Club Sandwiches, a Coke for me and a chocolate milkshake for her” Bucky ordered off, purposefully ignoring the other question about their plans. 

When she left them again, Y/n grumbled, “So now you’re ordering for me” 

“Did I not get you what you wanted?” he asked, cocking a brow, the tension between them slowly dissipating. 

“You did, congratulations you’re an observant creep”

Bucky laughed at that which only pissed Y/n off because that low chuckle of his and that bright smile which was as infrequent as the Sun on a cloudy December day, made her shamelessly grin. 

When their food arrived after a few minutes they ate in companionable silence. Despite their talk, it wasn’t awkward, it was the kind of silence that they both knew came after the storm. And for two people who rarely shared their deepest fears to anyone, let alone someone who could use it against them, that moment of honesty was pouring rain indeed. 

“Just the bill now, thanks doll,” Bucky said when they were finally wrapping up at the diner, his eyes widening as he realized he had just accidentally flirted with the older waitress, calling her by the old-fashioned nickname. 

With a huff, he wrung his hands before opening his mouth to apologize. 

“No need to apologize sweet thing…” she interrupted him with a bright laugh, her peachy skin crinkling with the movement, “Haven’t had much attention since my husband George died just around three years ago now, you’ve done made my day” 

“Oh” he smiled awkwardly, “Well I’m glad to hear—” 

“Paula!” she interrupted again, tilting her head back to call her colleague, “Paula you won’t believe it, this young man here is flirting with me” 

Bucky hung his head and Y/n barely surpassed a snort as she mouthed ‘young man,’ prompting him to glare exasperated daggers at her. Another waitress, who Y/n figured must be Paula, craned her neck out from behind the floppy doors that led to the kitchen. 

“Is that so Daph?” She looked over before throwing a sultry wink at Bucky. 

“Oh Lord” he huffed quietly so that only Y/n could hear. 

When they got back to the car, Bucky caught her hand as it reached for the music dial. 

“Listen Y/n about what you said—” 

“Don’t bother” she responded, “It’s okay, I’m just being overly emotional…” 

It was okay to her in that moment, she didn’t even think she really needed to hear him say it. Just from the sorrow in his blue eyes, she knew he was sorry. 

“But I’m going to anyways…” he continued, “I’m sorry for how I treated you, how my actions made you feel. I never should’ve been so cold. Just because it’s how I operate when I’m nervous doesn’t mean you deserve to be on the other side suffering. I’m truly sorry Y/n and I hope you can forgive me eventually.”

“I do” she whispered before clearing her throat a speaking with more confidence, “Forgive you I mean, I do” 

He nodded roughly before cranking the key in the ignition and pulling out of the Milton’s Drive-In Diner parking lot. 

~

“We’re here,” Bucky said. 

Y/n glanced up at the tall building, admiring the carved white stone walls, the stained glass entrance and the fancy red carpet leading up to the doors. Bucky gave the car over to the valet before sweeping Y/n through the heavy doors and into the ornate lobby. They checked in quickly and then headed upstairs to their suite. 

The room was fancy, to say the least, French in style, and huge. There was a general living space just past the foyer the main set of doors opened to, multiple bathrooms, a study, and even a wide terrace that spanned the entire length of the suite. 

“Alright let’s get ready then” Y/n stated, the plush carpet beneath her feet muffling her steps as she searched, “Where are the bedrooms?”

She moved through the large main room and towards what appeared to be the only remaining door in the suite on the right-hand side. Her mouth parted slightly as she opened the double doors revealing one giant king-sized bed. 

“I’m gonna kill Stark” she growled through gritted teeth. 

“What is it?” Bucky questioned, coming up behind her so that his front was an inch from her back, “Oh”

The proximity sent a shiver up Y/n’s spine. She quickly shook off the memories of Bucky’s soft lips on her skin. 

“Well, anyway” she sighed distractedly before gesturing to the bedroom, “I’ll get ready in here, are you okay to use a bathroom?” 

He huffed before grabbing the bundle of his clothes for the night, “Sure”

Y/n closed the doors to the bedroom and unzipped the garment bag that contained her clothes for the date which she had let Wanda and Natasha pick out for her. Her fingers quickly caressed a dress made of silky red fabric, admiring its quality. She then gasped as she saw what was hanging in the bag underneath it. Instead of a regular bra and panties, the girls had selected a lacy black set of mostly sheer lingerie to go under her dress. “Oh for fuck’s sake” she breathed. 

“Almost ready?” called Bucky’s voice from the other side of the door.

Y/n quickly put the set on and slipped the dress on before realizing it needed to be done up at the back. “Yep!” She responded, “But can you zip me up?” 

Bucky’s lips parted slightly as Y/n opened the door. Her silky red dress hugged her curves in all the right places and they were only enhanced by the tall black heels that she was wearing. Y/n turned, exposing the super soldier to her mostly bare backside. Bucky’s eyes flitted from the exposed small of her back to her lacy black lingerie before focusing on the zipper. 

“Done” he asserted gruffly as Y/n heard the crisp sound of metal fastening. 

Despite Bucky’s past attitude towards her, Y/n couldn’t help her breath from hitching when his hands lingered a little too long on the small of her back.

“Let’s go,” she said, turning to face him. For a second they remained close, both of them breathing in the other before Bucky walked towards the foyer. 

“Right” he replied gruffly, before looking at her and smirking, “We’ve got a date to go on” 

A/N - if any of you were interested in where I got Bucky’s scent from, it was based on Tom Ford’s cologne called OudWood. 

Requested Tag List: cjand10 identity2212 bucky-jbb-sunshine unaxv hnnhbananananana

[hinamie]

How the fuck do you draw so fast?? From chapter that dropped today?? And Yuuji is like. The final boss of characters to draw omg (I love it, I love your style so much ughhhhh)

cries ghjgj thank u :'>> ive gotten this question quite a bit lately so let me clear some things up as 2 how i am become speed pls do not attempt at home:

probably the overarching reason, i am currently between jobs so i have a lot of time on my hands

itafushi hyperfixation has taken over my entire brain it feels like i will rot if i don't draw them every waking hour. with where the manga/canon is ive been So motivated and inspired i that i genuinely dont know what to do with myself and all i can do to combat it is draw More. i wish i was exaggerating when i say it feels like a physical need it is a compulsion it is an incessant ITCH. i cannot stress enough the Need i feel to draw fr this series

also bc of where the manga is i feel like the fandom is very active so all the engagement puts coins into the content machine that is me n fans the flames bc i want to Participate i want to Share!!!!! maybe its a fomo thing maybe im a slave to the numbers probably both 2 a degree but above all im having fun sharing what i make with a community who likes the same thing i do <3

when im in the zone with a piece and hatsune miku is serenading me sweet computer sounds and everything is going Right i forget to take breaks eat stand up etc so i end up starting and finishing a draws in a single 6 hour session before remembering i have a body

sleep schedule is FUCKED fr when leaks dropped last night (around 7:30pm fr me) i saw The Yuuji Panel of all time and started the morning glory piece then and there; took no breaks and did not finish until after midnight. then i still had more in me and wanted a head start on baby yuuji panel redraws so i did sketches/lines/flats real quick and went to bed at 4am slept fr 4 hours woke up ate n back to work DO NOT DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also since april i've been on a creative high that's only seemed to go up which is unprecedented but i Have been drawing nearly every day because of it so whatever the opposite of rusty is I'm that. ive had so much daily practice tht the speed came as a side effect fshjgf

[akaashislover1]

Part 2 (Cop NanamiXwife reader

If you haven’t read part one here it is💕:

‼️MENTIONS OF GUN VIOLENCE, MURDER, MAYBE SOME FOUL LANGUAGE‼️

Tears streamed down your husband’s face as you held him close. His head was buried deep into the crook of your neck. Quiet sobs and tears toppled over your skin. You stared ahead with a blank expression. You felt like crying yet nothing came out.

It has been a month since the incident. A month since you’ve lost your baby girl. A month since your family crumbled.

“Come on, y/n. Y-you gotta eat something. I know today is going to be difficult but remember we’re in this together. I love you.” Nanami whispered on the top of your head, ending it with a little smooch. He had placed a bowl of chicken noodle soup in front of you. Your brain instantly went to your daughter as you stared at the bowl. She always loved to crush crackers with her bare hands and sprinkle them into the soup. Every time she did that, she yelled that it was snowing.

Your eyes looked over to where she would normally sit. She loved sitting at the end of the table. It made her felt like she was royalty or something. She was always daddy’s little princess.

Nanami sat down in the chair across from you. He looked exhausted. His face also wore a blank expression. You could tell just by his eyes that he was ready to fall asleep. Ever since the incident he’s been working more and more. Working harder to find the scumbags that took your joy away. So far he’s had no luck. Mostly everyone that was there answered any questions they could. ‘Did you see anybody before the shootings that looked suspicious?’ Or ‘Did you happen to know or recognize any of the shooters?’

Nanami even got his partner to ask you to identify some recent criminals they caught in other shootings. He knew the toll that that took on you but he felt like it had to be done being as you were the only one that he knew of that saw them. Still, it didn’t make him feel any better when you teared up, shaking your head, none of the guys in the line up room matched what you remembered. It made Nanami sick to his stomach every time he would have to ask you questions about it. It would either end in an argument or both of you embracing each other covered in tears.

What Nanami hated the most though was almost every night you would wake up screaming. Nightmares and paralysis would haunt you. Images of your daughter’s dead body surged through your head every night. You would sometimes feel the tingles and chills as you remembered the feeling of blood on your skin or on your clothes. Nanami has long threw out the clothes all four of you wore that day. You wanted to keep your daughter’s shirt at least but the stained blood said otherwise.

Nanami cleared his throat and gripped your hand that was resting on the table.

“We have to be there in about two hours. Before the guests arrive too. Your mom called me and said her and your dad were going to stay for a couple days after.” Your eyes started to water and the hand that your husband didn’t have made its way to your mouth, trying to stop the whimpers. Before you could say anything, your baby boy started crying. He was lying in the portable crib you had in the living room. You had given him a bottle when Nanami woke you up. If you were being honest, Nanami and your son were the only things keeping you going right now.

You had the door to the bathroom open as you stepped into the shower. The lukewarm water began to drench your body. Your hair slowly fell into place when you looked down at your feet.

“You doing okay, my love?” Nanami’s voice startled you slightly.

“Y-Yeah I’m fine.” Before you could say or do anything else, you felt your husband’s cool hands on your waist. His lips pecked the top of your wet hair. When you turn around Nanami hovered over you. One of his hands stroked your hair out of your face. The water now covered both of you.

“I don’t understand how you take such cold showers.” He chuckled lightly. You gave a nervous smile. The thought of him thinking warm was cold amused you. Nanami reached behind you to turn the water temperature up. Nanami then reached for the shampoo, the scorching water temperature startled you. He squirted some on top of your head, the cool substance contrasted the hot water. His large hands began to message your head. The soap started to bubble as he lathered it all over your head. A light groan escaped your lips as your eyes closed. Nanami’s fingers scrubbed your scalp a little harder.

“I love you so so much y/n. I know with everything it’s been really hard but I am worried about you. You’re barely eating, you’re not getting enough sleep. You know, you could just stay home and I can handle the-”

“No. I-I want to go. I have to. I just. I just miss her so much.” Your eyes teared up. Your husband stroked his fingers through your soapy hair. Your arms instantly wrapped around him. It soothed you, the way he started to stroke the soap out of your hair. Right now was probably the first time in a while that you felt normal. You could hear Nanami’s heart beat against his bare chest. As much as you didn’t want this feeling to end, the both of you knew you had to get ready to leave.

Nanami got your son ready. He wore a little black tux that Nanami had bought for him before he was born so they could match. Your husband always joked about how thankful he is that your baby still fits it. Speaking of matching, Nanami wore a similar black suit but with a black dress shirt underneath. He finished it off with black dress pants and a pair of shiny black dress shoes.

You on the other hand had managed to fix your wet hair into a tight fishtail braid. You had on a multicoloured beaded necklace that your daughter had made for you when she was in kindergarten a few years back. It contrasted the black, skin tight A-line dress that you wore.

“Are you ready to go?” You asked Nanami, who had your son’s diaper bag strapped over his shoulder. He nodded and grabbed the keys to your shared vehicle.

Given the circumstances, it did brighten your mood a little bit that it was such a nice day outside. You and Nanami both would prefer it being sunny and warm as opposed to a cold and rainy day. Your son’s babbling and giggling also made you smile. You looked at the backseat to see the strap on mirror on the backseats headrest. In the mirror, your son was smiling and gripping his clothed feet. A chuckle escaped you as you pondered at how he always managed to get his little shoes off. Suddenly you felt a hand grip your thigh.

“It’s nice to see you smiling again, my love.” Nanami smiled, slipping glances between you and the rear view mirror all the while driving. He gave you a light squeeze as you noticed you were getting closer to the church. Your heart skipped a couple beats. The colour drained from your face as you saw all the different cars starting to arrive at the same time as you.

When you parked in the church’s lot, a group of people dressed in albs and robes, who you guessed worked there came and guided you into the church. The priest and a couple of funeral directors met with you in the back office. Nanami was the one mainly answering questions. You felt as if you were going to start bawling every time you opened your mouth. And if you thought that was tough, when you made it to the main part of the church you saw your mother and father greeting and talking to other relatives. When your mother saw you, you ran up to her and started crying. She embraced you with the tightest hug and you never wanted her to let go. You and Nanami have seen your parents multiple times since then but it didn’t feel real until now.

Nanami hugged your father and they said a few words. You watched still in your mother’s grasp. Your father’s eyes were red and puffy as he spoke. Your husband kept his composure, listening to every word he was saying. Come to think of it, this was a rare occasion, seeing the two most important men in your life on the verge of crumbling. You hated it.

“We’re going to get started soon, if that’s alright? It seems as though everyone is here” the main priest mentioned quietly. He had a look of empathy towards the four of you. You cleared your throat as you looked around. The church wasn’t packed but it wasn’t exactly empty either. A white haired man who you recognized to be Satoru Gojo, your husbands partner, conversed with other coworkers and guests. You remember he was the one who had asked you questions at the station about your daughter. He has known your husband before you two even got married, before you met even. Looking around more, you noticed even more friends and family seated across the church. Most were talking and hugging. Some were quietly conversing. Every second or so a few of that sum would be watching you and/or talking about you. They would have looks of sympathy plastered over their faces. Again, you hated it.

“Hey y/n, how’ve you been?” Gojo appeared out of nowhere. He wore his signature black round shades but it was the fully black suit he was wearing that threw you off. It was the complete opposite of his usual white dress button ups that he wears for work. He wrapped his arms around you. Nanami had warned you so many times of his no sense of personal space but today you found it a little less annoying. More comforting. You squeezed him tighter. Before you could say anything Nanami came and rubbed your back.

“I think everything is ready to go. Satoru, are you going to come sit with us? I think it would be best, especially if you plan on helping.” You moved to Nanami’s side. Gojo agreed only if it was okay with you which you had no problem with.

Nanami escorted you to the front of the church, where your parents were sitting. He gave you a quick kiss and then nodded for your father to join him and Gojo. Your father, Nanami, and Gojo and some other coworkers of your husband all walked towards the doors of the church. Some of them wore their police uniforms while the rest wore all black suits. It made you begin to cry as you saw them lift the small casket. You turned back towards the front of the church. Your mother who sat beside you wrapped her arm around you. Her head landed on your shoulder as the music started.

The tears really didn’t fall until the casket finally made its way to the front. All you could hear was sniffling when the music finally stopped and the casket got placed gently onto its stand.

After the indoor ceremony, you and all of your guests were asked to make your way outside to the cemetery for the burial. Nanami came and gave you a light squeeze and kiss on the cheek and gave your baby boy a little peck before heading back to help carry the casket.

As soon as you, your son and your mother got outside other guests that you haven’t greeted yet surrounded you. They were talking and mumbling at you all at once. Not one thing stuck out to you as you continued walking towards the cemetery. The only thing you noticed was that it was really sunny. The sun played peek a boo, hiding behind the bright fluffy white clouds. Your daughter loved it when it was sunny out. You smiled to yourself as you remembered every single time she would beg to be outside. She wouldn’t stop until she got her way of course. She never stopped. She always reminded you of Nanami in that way. They were both stubborn as hell when they really wanted to be.

Once your mother yelled politely told the people to back off, she yanked your son’s carrier out of your hands. You were too caught up in your thoughts to notice that she began to yank you as well. It took a couple minutes but once everyone made it outside the burial started. You noticed some people had left. You couldn’t care less who was here and who wasn’t at the moment. All that mattered was you and your family.

You saw that her grave was already dug and there was already the metal framework, waiting to be used. Soon enough her casket came. You got to take in the fine details of the woodwork that decorated the top. Once it was placed, your husband walked up to you and wrapped his arms around you. Your eyes closed and your arms went to wrap around his broad back.

Tears streamed down your husband’s face as you held him close. His head was buried deep into the crook of your neck. One of your hands rubbed the back of his neck. Quiet sobs and tears toppled over your skin. You stared ahead with a blank expression. You felt like crying yet nothing came out. He’s been holding it together this entire time. Other than the day it happened this was the only other time you’ve seen him cry about her. Now he was finally letting it all out.

You felt your lips quiver with every sob Nanami was letting out. One of your hands began to rub his back as you tried to squeeze him closer if it were possible. It drained you to hear the sobs and hiccups of your husband but you were more than relieved to see him finally letting it out.

“I’m here. You’re okay, my love. Just breathe.” You whispered into his ear. His arms tightened and he planted kisses on your neck and shoulder, reassuring his love and appreciation for you.

After the funeral, your parents took your baby boy back to your house so the two of you could stay with your daughter for a bit. Everyone had left, including the priest and ushers. Nanami laid his jacket on the ground so you could sit down. You laid your head on your husband’s shoulder as he sat with his legs crossed out and his long arms held up his body.

“It’s going to be so hard to get used to not seeing her around. It’s been so weird not being able to read her bedtime stories or play games with her. I know I have you and our son and I couldn’t be more grateful to have you both still. But I just can’t shake this guilty feeling.” Nanami finished as he took your hand in his. You scrunched your face, confused.

“Guilt? What are you talking about?” You asked worried. You squeezed his hand and looked him in the eyes. They were red and puffy but he still looked beautiful. Tears streamed down his face and when you focused more closely you could see that his lip would quiver every so often. It almost looked like he was reluctant to answer.

“I just. If I was quicker- if I had heard you yelling-”

“Hey, hey. Kento… Listen to me. You had no control over where those people were going to shoot. You can’t blame yourself for something you had no control over. As easy as it sounds I know it’s hard to accept it but we’re going to get better, okay? We’re going to be fine.” Your heart sank as those words flew out. That was probably the first time you have said that word and meant it. Even though you felt like crying, tears never came out. Nanami placed one of his hands over his eyes in attempt to shove his tears back into his eyes. You squeezed him into a hug.

Despite your husband’s feelings of guilt and sadness, for whatever reason after you said that your could feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders. Like you needed to hear yourself say those five words out loud.

We’re going to be fine.

🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️

Omg I finally finished it. I am so sorry for the long wait. I have been working non stop even just rn as I write this I’m getting back from a 15hr shift. Gotta bring home the dough.

Anyways I hope you all enjoyed it, it is a little on the long side, but I think it’s good. 💕💕💕

[madwomansapologist]

Hi! I was wondering if you’d be up to writing an Older!Sidney Prescott x fem reader fic where reader woke up feeling really down and sort of bad mentally and maybe Sidney helps her get out of bed and cheers her up by caring for her and being a total sweetheart?💕

when earth stopped spinning for a day | sidney prescott

Masterlist | Rules | Taglist | Library | More Sidney Prescott | AO3

synopsis: Sometimes, when you feel like shit, nothing is going to help you feel better. But sometimes, all you need is good company. And Sidney knows damn well how being alone feels.

warnings: female!reader. hurt/comfort. established relationship. domestic fluff. saphic relationship. no ghostface.

note: as i said, i'm on a hiatus. i planned on writing this just after my birthday, but guess what? my body decided it hate me. my nose is always wet, my throat is dry, my head hurts so bad that i can't get food because when i bend over to get something on the kitchen it starte spinning. i wanna watch my fat greek wedding, but i can't stand to look at things moving. i wanna die. my body wants me dead. my mind too. good for you dear anon who already waited long enough for your request to be done. i hope you enjoy my misery.

Sometimes you just know. It's a deep feeling your bones, a deep feeling you can't ignore. It feels like abandonment. Like falling in disgrace. No one can ignore a castle crumbling, no can ignore the certain of earth turning it's back on you.

It's been like that since you opened your eyes. You looked at the empty glass of water in front of you, noticed the loneliness on your bed, heard the trees moving with the wind outside your house. And as simple as that, as simple as understanding your senses, you knew you wouldn't get out of bed.

You didn't went back to sleep, but you also didn't remain awakened. It was like you mind wandered without your permission, moving throught all the places your body couldn't reach. You just stayed that, glaring at glass, suffocated by your sheets.

You felt haunted.

Seconds later (or minutes, maybe hours, probably centuries), something changed. You didn't noticed before, but now you did. Your glass turned into a cup, and its emptiness turned into thin smoke and the aroma of passion fruit.

That you didn't feel, but you just knew: she was right behind you. Not touching, not when she can see you may not want that. Not talking, as your loud silence took all the space on your shared home. Not doing anything besides being there.

"Hi", you weak voice surprised you. Its being a long time since you last heard it. A long, needed time not hearing anything but the tree leaves.

"Hi", Sidney whispered. You could feel, she was smilling. A small, kind, worried smile. You just knew. "Have you eat anything?" Your lack of response was enough. "You know, I'm almost a masterchef myself. And I'm taking requests."

You chuckle. "No. You're not."

"Is this a challenge?" Her hands found a way into your waist. Feeling Sidney's warm body, you closed your eyes and reached for her hand. You wanted to feel next to someone. Next to her. "I can make you a foie gras, then some cassoulet and finish the day with soupe a l'oignon."

"Do you even know what those are?" You murmured.

"Maybe...?" The silence that came after it was different. It was comfortable. And yet, you didn't feel alone. You mind stayed on your body, and it relaxed a bit against Sidney's body. "Now chose," her voice was profound. Filled with honesty. "You want to talk, for me to take care of you, or to stay like that?"

"Just... stay", you asked. "Don't let me feel lonely."

"I would never do that, baby", Sidney's hand found a place in your hair. "How could I let my muse all alone? Someone must protect her."

"You're such a dork."

"No, no, your dork."

"Idiot", you rolled your eyes. Then, quietly, you added: "My idiot."

When you know, you know. And when it comes about Sidney and her love for you, you just know.

SCREAM TAGLIST: @adamsbubblegumbitch

if you enjoyed, please reblog! i promise it makes a difference ♡

@ madwomansapologist.tumblr.

[shunin-gumis]

Mistery on the Moonlit Passage - Track 08

Seasonal Event Story

Location: Cruise Liner - Party Venue

Kinari: Rebooting the main body… Please wait a moment...

Yachiyo: D-Don’t tell me… I-I-I-I-I-I dozed off during work…!? All the pay cuts… followed by a dismissal… then restitution… no, THE DEATH PENALTY!?!?

Chief: *yawns* …That was a good nap…!

Nanaki: Everyone woke up…!?

Akuta: …Whoa! Hm…? Where’d the steak I was munching on go? And my fried fish…?

Muneuji: Rest assured, everything was but a dream. There is also still plenty of fried chicken, kinpira*, and pickled shallots left to go around.

Yodaka: My… I recall being in the middle of counting the number of seeds stuffed inside a chipmunk’s cheeks… but I suppose it was all a dream.

Yukikaze: Chipmunks? What a cute image.

Kafka: Hm… It’s gotten kinda late… We’ve been asleep this entire time…?

Ryui: Oi, Yowa. Spill. Now.

Netaro: Erg… explaining things is such a pain, but I guess I’ll do it. Playing detective was fun, and the story should conclude with the culprit’s confession anyways!

Netaro: …Hear ye, hear ye! My testimony about hunting down the fireflies earlier… was all but a lie!

Ryui: Thought as much.

Netaro: What you wish to know is what I was really doing at the time. And what I was doing at the time was conducting a trial run for my latest invention!

Nanaki: Your latest invention?

Netaro: Indeed! It’s called the “You-Wouldn’t-Believe-This-Wasn’t-Netaro Hypnosis Doll!”

Muneuji: There are two Yowa-sans…!?

Ryui: The fuck did that thing come from!

Netaro: This me is the real me~! And that me is actually a palm-sized doll, but if you hit the two buttons located on its pupils, it’ll grow to the same size as me.

Toi: You mean, to poke it in the eyes…?

Yukikaze: What a mean thing to do.

Netaro: In addition, it comes with a stylish glow-in-the-dark coating that glows after being in the dark for a while ♪

*“You-Wouldn’t-Believe-This-Wasn’t-Netaro Hypnosis Doll!” dances*

Nanaki: It can even move… So this is what Muneuji really saw…?

Muneuji: It seems like it’s made from a similar fabric to my sister’s pajamas. However… I believe this was the light I encountered.

Netaro: Wonderfully made, if I do say so myself~. It’s a handy item that can act as a body double when you feel like skipping work, or if you’re about to be arrested.

Akuta: A body double!? That’s cracked to the MAX!

Toi: I remember now! There was also a Netaro-san-like robot when the Night Team worked as servants!

Ryui: That thing’s a piece of fucking junk if you ask me.

Netaro: Inventing is all about improving upon improvements! To hide the fact that it’s a doll, I  installed a feature that allows it to emit hypnotic sounds from its mouth.

Nanaki: Why hypnotic sounds…

Netaro: And since I was bored, I decided to test it out on the deck, but then the robots in the party venue got caught up in it and started playing hypnotic lo-fi as well. As a result, the relaxation effect got amplified.

Netaro: But to think I was the one that created such a brilliant device! Sometimes, my genius is… it’s almost frightening!

Chief: Um, so in other words…?

Kafka: Everyone fell asleep due to Netaro’s new invention.

Kinari: It’s fascinating how it affected both humans and machines alike.

Nanaki: So both Andy’s power being cut and the weird waveforms were because the machines entered the invention’s range…

Yodaka: My my, Netaro’s invention is just full of surprises. 

Netaro: But rest assured! Thanks to Ryui’s constant nagging, safety is most certainly guaranteed! The hypnosis is set to be in effect for exactly 1 hour!

Netaro: That’s why everyone was able to wake up! It’s amazing, right? Makes you want to shower me with praises and headpats, right?

Ryui: Toi. Do you feel any pain or discomfort anywhere? How’s your fever?

Netaro: Totally ignored!

Toi: Erm… I think it went away…? I don’t know, my body feels fine…

Ryui: Don’t push yourself too hard. It was only an hour’s rest, so you might not be fully—

Chief: Hm? Wait, now that you mention it, I feel like all of my built-up fatigue and shoulder pain went away…

Kinari: My thought processing hardware also feels 18% lighter than before.

Ryui: What’s the meaning of this?

Netaro: Hmm, if I had to guess, my invention enhanced the lo-fi music the robots were playing into ultra-super relaxing lo-fi music!

Yachiyo: Huuuhhh…? This room-temperature IQ-ed, smooth, commoner brain of mine doesn’t understand…

Chief: D-Don’t worry, Yachiyo. I’m pretty sure Netaro is the only one that understands the specifics…!

Yukikaze: I see now why they call you a genius, Netaro.

Kafka: …That’s it. I was thinking about what we could do with this course of events, but this could work.

Chief: Did you think of something?

Kafka: Yup, a little something ♪

Kafka: We’re almost at the port, but I’m gonna go talk with the owner of the cruise. Don’t worry about me, just keep enjoying the party.

Kafka: Oh, and Netaro, can you come with me?

Netaro: …

Kafka: Aaand there.

Chief: You poked him in the eyes while he was hesitating over it!?!?

Kafka: It’s ‘cause it’s the body double. Look, it shrunk.

Netaro: Gosh darnit, busted…

Chief: (Kafka… Looks like he’s got a plan. It’s probably best to leave things to him.)

Chief: Then, I guess… there’s still food left over, so why don’t we enjoy ourselves until we arrive?

Akuta: Bet!

Yukikaze: …Nanaki.

Nanaki: !

Nanaki: (Oh! Now's my chance…)

Nanaki: (Thanks, Kamina-san.)

Nanaki: Chief…! Um, then—

Note:

Kinpira is a style of Japanese stir-fry cooking, the most common one is a burdock root and carrot stir-fry.

[josephsaturn]

Library visit (AU DRABBLE)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shmi thinks about things while she gets ready to go to the library

(This is a drabble for an AU I have where Shmi was taken by Jango to be a nanny for Boba)

WORDS: 595

CW: none as far as I know

Note: Shmi’s thoughts on the Jedi aren’t my thoughts on the Jedi, nor how the Jedi would be portrayed if I made a full-on fic for this AU

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Even though it’s been 3 years since Mr. Fett brought her from Tatooine to Kamino, Shmi was still shocked by how different the two planets were.

Tatooine was hot, dry, and sandy, and Shmi didn’t miss it one bit, but Kamino was cold. The cold was omnipresent, from the moment she woke up in her apartment to the moment she went to bed. On top of that, no matter how many layers she put on, the cold would always worm its way through to her skin. She didn’t think she could hate anything more than the anger of Tattooine’s suns boiling her alive, but Shmi thinks she’d prefer it over the constant, unyielding cold.

This cold isn’t just in the environment, either; evidently, the cold seeped into Kamino’s dominant species.

Shmi dreads to talk to any of them, with their callousness toward the sentient life they’ve made of Mr. Fett’s DNA, or their callousness in general.

That’s another thing, too: the clones.

Seeing as Shmi isn’t a trainer, she’s not allowed back there to be among or train them, but…there are windows nearby. When she’s feeling stir-crazy, Mr. Fett is planetside (which is usually only for a week or two between months-long bounties) and Mr. Gilamar is busy (which he usually is), Shmi will walk to a window and just…watch them train.

Children, the lot of them.

Children as young as 3 (physically, Mr. Gilamar had been very insightful on how they differed from her sometimes-charge when she asked), hooked up to machines for hours on end, staring at screens that beamed military training into their minds.

Children as young-looking as 6, learning how to take apart blasters and wield knives to take down men two times their size.

For a planet with a seemingly-infinite amount of water, this place is no more free than Tattooine.

And just like Tattooine, the Jedi won’t come to liberate these boys.

No, they’re an army for the Jedi: bought and paid for, even. The Jedi will come here in a few years to pick them up, and make them their loyal lapdogs, with no chance for these boys to live their own lives.

She should’ve spat in Master Jinn’s face when he asked to take her son.

“Miss Shmi?” A voice asks at the same time she feels a slight tugging on her dress.

Turning around, she sees her charge, the reason Mr. Fett brought her to this forsaken place.

Boba Fett, Mr. Fett’s 3 year-old son.

The only clone who’ll get to have a childhood. To grow up, to live.

“Can we-can we go to the li-b’rary now?” He asks, looking up at her with wide eyes.

Shmi lets out a soft puff and gives a small smile.

“Go put on your shoes, Boba.”

It’s not this boy’s fault for this, she knows that. He’s just as innocent as the other clones.

No, the one she truly despises is Mr. Fett. He sold his DNA to make an army, he treats everyone with indifference at best and hostility at worst.

There’s no positive emotion in her body for that man, not a lick of it.

Shmi smiles as Boba walks over, shoes on his feet. “Ready!” He shouts, giving her a thumbs up, and Shmi holds her hand out, not moving until the boy’s small fingers curl around her own fingers.

They both walked over to the front door of the apartment.

“So, which book do you plan on getting today?” She asks as the door slides open.

She might not be able to do anything for the other boys, but she’ll help boba in any way she can.

In spite of Mr. Fett.

[klausysworld]

Absolutely need sub! yandere Klaus one shots please like a fluff

We're the reader is mad at him for kidnapping her and ignoring him and he goes all emotional and cry and begg for forgiveness please

I just want you to be mine

I hadn’t spoken a word to Klaus since our screaming match. I’m unable to leave this house, i have to share a bed with him and everything is locked, cupboards, fridge, everything so i have to go to him for food and water. It’s dehumanising and so i yelled at him but he seems to believe he’s in right by ‘keeping me safe’.

Its been a few days without talking to him, i’ve refused the food he’s offered and occasionally ill drink from the bathroom sink so I don’t have to ask him for anything. I could see the frustration on his face each time he tried to talk to me. I had taken to sleeping on the sofa which he especially didn’t like, always trying to convince me i should just lay in the bed and that he won’t touch me.

Today was not different, in the morning he had a cooked breakfast before me, which I’ll admit was hard to resist but i did. He sat and tried to have a conversation only to sit in silence before storming back off and going to art room, a place he often goes to when upset.

Then i was presented with a bouquet of roses and a hopeful Klaus to which i walked past and down the stairs to. Thankfully he had the tv on so I didn’t have to ask him for it and I wasn’t entirely bored out of my mind.

I was sat at the edge of the sofa, klaus at the opposite end cross legged and eagerly looking at me. I couldn’t help but glance at him every now and then seeing his big puppy eyes and pouted lips. He looked far too innocent to be a psychotic original hybrid who had kidnapped me and locked me in his house.

I looked back to the tv with a sigh, i felt the sofa shift before looking back and seeing he was gone. My brows furrowed as i looked around finding him sat on the floor infront of me while watching the tv. The small urge to touch the fluffy curls ontop his head was becoming annoying as he leaned back to be comfier.

Truth is I didn’t mind Klaus, he was oddly sweet and rather quiet but the kidnapping threw me off. It was unexpected and he grew too controlling for my liking. His hands always on me, face in my neck or on my chest. He was always touching me or trying to at least. He grew whinier and needier by the second and it was driving me crazy.

Thankfully due to my silence he’s been quieter and nicer recently, back to a sweet puppy who is kind and gentle.

After a while i went back upstairs and got into bed, I didn’t sleep as well on the sofa so i slept in the day on the bed when Klaus went out. Thankfully he had to go fix something so i had a few hours.

I woke several hours later, the room was much darker than it was earlier and i could feel warm arms around my body. I groggily rolled over only to come face to face with a sleepy Klaus. His face one of confusion as his eyes barely opened and he looked around. He looked back to me his brows furrowing before his head dropped back down and he sighed through his nose, his arms pulling me closer making him hum softly. I couldn't be bothered to push away from him and decided to just go back to sleep.

In the morning he was still holding onto me but this time i could hear his little sniffles making me frown. His face was in my neck and i could feel his tears hit my shoulder, his head quickly wiped them away and be whispered an apology.

“klaus?“ i whispered softly, my hand moving to rub his back “what happened?“ i asked gently. He hiccupped lightly as he attempted to stop his tears making me hold him propers and sit his up wrapping my arms around him. “shhh klaus, shh“ i murmured petting him

“I'm sorry“ he whimpered over and over until he could barely breathe

“klaus, breathe, you gotta calm down okay?“

His head shook as he continued to apologise though he crying came to a stop and he was just rocking back and forth slowly “I'm sorry- i just thought it was the right thing to do“ he muttered “i just want you to be mine“

“i know you do, i know that but you have to remember that I'm not a toy or a doll“ i whispered and he nodded

“i know, I'm sorry“ he sniffed

“Klaus, you have to let me go home” i told him but his head shook rapidly

“No, no I can’t let you leave, you don’t understand the dangers out there, it’s safe for you here” he convinced

“Okay…well then i need to be able to do things for myself, you gotta get rid of the locks”

“But i can take care of you” he argued

“Well what if i want to take care of you hm? Can’t i love you too? Make you dinner and look after you?” I hummed and his body relaxed to mine, sweet submission.

“You do?” He asked quietly

“I do klaus, i wanna help you feel better but you gotta let me” his head nodded as he leaned against me

“I love you” he whispered and I swallowed thickly, I didn’t want to lie like that to him. He was a little crazy yes but still sensitive

“I know…i think one day I’m gonna love you too, soon Klaus, you just gotta let me in” i mumbled

“I will” he promised and i smiled petting his hair gently

“You’re so sweet” I muttered listening as he sighed and grew limp against me, i stroked his face gently seeing him close his eyes at the contact

“I made you some pasta earlier, its on the side if you would like it” he whispered as his head grew heavier and i glanced to the nightstand seeing a bowl.

“Thank you” I murmured petting him as i reached out to grab it.

It’s going to be difficult but we can make this work, he’s eager to please which should help making some compromises, we’ve just began.

[aquanova99]

Haunted (Cato x Reader)

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Part 9

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Y/n’s POV

 Your legs struggled to hold you upright. You’d avoided the sleep as much as you could. Only resting when your body physically couldn’t handle anymore. Even then never any longer then a few hours, when their screams woke you from any chance of rest. You realize that you somehow didn’t lead Cashmere to your room at all, you’re not sure when they took over but then again, that’s what your life consisted of now. Living from one day to the next, not entirely present. The woods help, but you haven’t been able to pick up any weapons since you got back to 12.

 Cashmere gently leads you to your bed. She tells everyone she’ll keep watch first, and while it reminds you of the games. It also brings you a sense of security that is finally overshadowing the horrors threatening to take you back at any moment. You ponder over Cato’s words. Allies. You could work with that. It dawns on you that there’s likely a reason they know exactly how to handle you in this state and your heart both aches and wonders monsters haunt their own dreams. Regardless, you feel like you can at least finally get some sleep.

 “Thank you.” You mumble

 “Its not easy, is it?”

 “The sleeping? Not really.”

 “The living. Its like they left a part of you in that arena. They don’t understand, do they?” Your lips form a tight line. You barely shake your head in response before covering your head with the blanket. It’s exactly what you tried to explain the first week you got back. That was the worst of it. The screams you let out terrified your family. Then their fear turned into impatience. They couldn’t understand why I wasn’t happy or relieved. With the lack of sleep your own patience was hanging by a thread so you simply shut down. This only infuriated your parents who continued to scream at you for being so callous and disrespectful. You were somewhat thankful they hadn’t moved into the house in the victor’s village. You needed to deal with whatever was going on alone. Your brothers however, disagreed and decided to stay with you. They pretended they didn’t hear anything, and truthfully, you didn’t want to talk to them about that stuff anyway. Your mom continued to try and at least speak to you but her concern would quickly turn to anger and you often just waited her out or sneaked out when you saw her coming to the house. You would sometimes sneak back in and hear her talking to the older one about not understanding what was wrong with me. You didn’t understand it either. Haymitch was often the one who you tried to talk to at first but he dealt with his demons differently and you weren’t ready to turn to the alcohol… yet.

 So. In the end you went to the one place you knew you could hide, the woods. You were being reckless. A victor, walking straight to the meadow, a week after returning. You walked as if you were in a trance, a hand yanked you before you made it even ten feet into the meadow. You were lucky Katniss dragged you towards her house as if you had planned meeting there. You’re pretty sure she was going to scold you too until she got a proper look at you. She said nothing, just sat with you at the edge of the meadow. When the sun began setting she somewhat pushed somewhat led you back home. The next day she showed up to your house and dragged your out again. She didn’t say anything that day either. The day after your curiosity won out.

 ‘Why are you doing this?!’ You snapped

 ‘Because you look like me.’

 ‘…What?’

 ‘When my dad left…we struggled. You did too, but back then I was so mad that your father made it out, I couldn’t talk to you anymore. And we stopped being friends. Anyway—I looked like you do right now. No sleep, not eating, trying to not bother anyone with it. I was about to give up. But I got help, and I never got the chance to say thank you.’

 You realize immediately who helped her, ‘You mean…’

 ‘Yeah. When you won, we all saw how hard it was on you. I’ll never be able to repay him, or thank him. But you saved Prim, and me because I would have volunteered.’

 ‘I don’t want your pity Katniss.’

 ‘It’s not pity.’

 ‘It is—’

..

. . .

..

 ‘We could have been hunting partners.’

 ‘Yeah.’

 ‘When I figured out how to hunt, I remember wanting to go to you for help. I know you’re the one who taught Gale how to snare. I just wanted to be the one who got to keep something that once. And... I guess I was embarrassed? I’m sorry.’

 ‘Don’t be. I never blamed you for that. I’m more upset you chose Gale as your partner. I would have been much better.’

 ‘Ha!’ Katniss laughs, before pausing, ‘Look when you were gone I realized I didn’t need to be mad at you. I really am sorry. I want to be friends again.’

 You could only nod. Katniss was good at talking when she let herself open up. With Gale in the mines now, you and her spent any free time she had usually just sitting together in the woods. She even let you help out her family with food now. You learned Peetas father only traded rabbits with you but squirrels with Katniss and always on separate days. You were shocked  when you learned Gale finally tried to be more than friends with Katniss. You were even more shocked when Katniss wasn’t interested. She never wants to marry or have kids, not with the games. She’d never seen Gale like that. Madge often joined the two of you and it was the three of you simply existing together, or Madge would lead the conversations which you didn’t mind.

 The hands that grabbed yours stirred you from your perpetual state of limbo. Shaking you awake. While you were happy to see Cato, you were quite shocked to see him and Brutus arrive. You were suddenly very aware of how disheveled you looked. You noticed how warm Cato’s hands were when he stopped you from further hurting yourself. Maybe you should have worn a sweatshirt. Your entire body slumped, it felt as if you were letting them down. The image of their disapproving glances would be forever embedded in your mind. You had been prepared to let them go to one of the other house in the victors village until at least tomorrow, but Cashmere’s idea was so…well, brilliant. And tempting. To know for at least the next few hours, you could rest. You wondered if Katniss would come if you didn’t go meet her out by the meadow.

 Three days before the victors arrived the rains began,  house. Your moms were excited to have their kids make friends, so they quickly began talking again, and neither of you wanted to be there for long. You both were quick to find the right moment to leave during the gossiping between the two older women. You had agreed your moms could start making mixtures and tonics for their small apothecary business. And you didn’t need all that food anyway, better it went to those in the seam. Katniss probably preferred her own home to yours and you couldn’t fully disagree. The second there was a lull you led Katniss away from the kitchen and into the living room.

 …‘So, what victors did you pick.’

 ‘Cashmere and Enobaria.’

 ‘Why?’ You glared at her and she eased back, ‘Sorry, but come on y/n. Careers?’

 ‘Yes careers. Look, I have to. I…owe them.’

 Katniss raised an eyebrow before standing up, ‘It’s hot. Do you mind if we open the window?’

 The floors would get soaked. ‘Yeah go ahead.’

 She sat closer to you and waited, oh well. You really should tell someone that’s what Haymitch said. Then again, when has he ever followed that advice? Whatever. ‘You know how I got sponsors?’

 ‘Yes.’

 ‘They only sponsor people who they think have a chance, thanks to Cinna and my…training score. I had quite a bit. Some of them expect me to pay them back.’

 Realization dawns on her face, ‘Not with money…’

 You shake your head, ‘Haymitch said Cashmere always has to go to the capitol, I just thought she deserved a break. She’s not the only one, Haymitch said Finnick sometimes has to go more than she does from what he’s heard anyway. And Enobaria… I don’t know. She was punished too.’

 You’re barely whispering but Katniss doesn’t interrupt, ‘Punished?’

 ‘They modified her. Or her teeth I guess. They wanted to modify me. They said they would try and figure out a way for me to not be called back to the capitol.’

 You’re unsure if the rain or your stories make Katniss shiver. ‘People aren’t going to like it here.’

 ‘I don’t think I care anymore. The only person I need to keep happy is Snow.’

 ‘I’ll play nice.’

 ‘Nice nice. Or Katniss nice.’

 She smirked at your poor attempt at a joke, ‘We’ll have to see won’t we, cousin?’

  You could have slept for the next six months. But the four hours sleep brought on a hunger you thought you couldn’t feel anymore. When your eyes fluttered open you found Cato pacing.

 “Are you okay?”

 He slightly flinches at the disruption, “Hungry?”

 You wonder if it should concern you how he seems to always know what you’re thinking, you smile, “Starving.”

 A smirk appears for only a second before he sits at the edge of your bed, his leg feverishly tapping. He holds something out, refusing to look at you. “Here.”

 “What is this?” You turn over the pen like object, trying to make sense of it.

 “If I start getting anything like Arioch or you just feel unsafe use it. You just flip the tiny lid and lick on the button.” You almost drop as you realize what he handed to you, you hold it with both hands as if it could detonate at any minute. You would rather take your chances. Unfortunately, he again seems to know what you’re thinking, “Y/n, listen to me. You have to use if something happens. I move quick.”

 “I don’t want it. Why are you giving it to me?”

 “It’s just in case.”

 “I. don’t. want. It” You hold your palm out flat ready for him to take it back. Instead, he closes your fingers around it. Finally staring you down.

 “You have to take it. Please. I would regret if—I just can’t—” He groans in frustration as he tries to figure out what he could say to convince you this is a good idea, “ Just take it. Alright? If I lose it I need to trust you’ll help whoever is around me. That includes yourself.”

 You hate that you understand where he’s coming from. While your natural instinct is flight, Cato’s is the opposite. You run. Or hide. Any stressor lately big or small makes you want to run into the woods. Lately you run to Katniss, or hide in your room until someone drags you out. Cato instinct is to fight. You wonder how much training it took to build that up and how much more time it would take to not have that be his immediate reaction. Similarly, while you may feel like a coward, Cato felt like a monster. A menace to others. Rationally, neither of you were either. And you knew that. But you also knew that in the moment its easy to let your body do what it needs to do to survive on autopilot.

 You realize the two of you have been still for too long. You are suddenly very aware of warm his hands feel around you and before you face heats up you nod in reply to his request. He seems to realize the same and promptly lets go, he gives a curt nod before standing up.

“Come on, lets go get something to eat.”

 “Okay.”

 Your brothers seem surprised to see you. “Well, you don’t look so terrifying anymore.” The oldest says

 “Shut up.” You push him, “Besides a four hour nap is not going to make much of a difference.”

 “Well, it’s a start.” You can feel the careers staring at the three of you talk, as if its bizarre that you talk to each other at all. You realize how crazy you must have seemed earlier, and how inconsiderate you must look like now.

 “Sorry about earlier. Thank you guys for agreeing to come.” You turn to Cashmere and Enobaria, and the former walks up and envelopes you in an embrace.

 “Thank you for choosing us.” She whispers, you nod and she smiles at you, “Your brother told us the best thing to eat when it rains here is stew so they were kind enough to start cooking for us all. Let me cut up some fruit for you. Iti will be a couple more hours until its finished.”

 You’re thankful she seems to realize you cant handle more than a few bites of anything at a time so starting small brings you another small sense of relief. Enobaria comes up and asks if your feeling a little better  and you nod. Brutus has already excused himself to the living room before you can get a hello out. Enobaria glares at him but continues to the conversation, “So, Y/n. Have you given much thought to what your special skill is going to be?”

 “Special skill?” Your youngest brother asks

 “Apparently, all the victors have to have something they’re above average in.” You explain to him. Another fun little detail added to your list of ever growing worries. You try to avoid worrying him and ruffle his hair. “What have you guys chosen?”

 “Don’t worry about it, they don’t really care unless you make a lot of special appearances in the capitol. I actually enjoy mine though. I like playing instruments?”

 “Really?” The thought of Enobaria finding something brought a smile to your face, “what do you play?”

 “Flute.” She smiled at you, she whispers the next part loud enough for the room to hear, “Brutus starting wood carving, and Cashmere…”

 “Oh, I do what I can to be disgustingly busy. I model, act, whatever keep my schedules booked. Gives me less time to meet all of my ever so gracious sponsors.” She all bit spits out her next sentence, before pasting a saccharine smile on her face, “Not that they cant find me, of course.”

 You get a sick feeling in your stomach again, and your mind races back to that night. You quickly turn to Cato, “What about you?”

 “I think I said I wanted to train the kids at the academy. Then I was declared unfit for the time being unfortunately.” No one misses the sarcastic undertone he uses for that final word. “Did you find something?”

 “Yes. I want to bake.”

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   Cato’s POV

 Cashmere dropped the plate she was handing to y/n. And Enobaria started coughing after she almost choked on the water she had just begun to drink, you probably looked as shocked as they were.

 “Sorry.” Cashmere nervously chuckled, “I’m just surprised. That sounds like a lovely talent to build up on. It hasn—”

  “Upset me?” Y/n smirked, “It did the first time I tried it. Then I burned the rolls I was trying to make, and it made me laugh. It’s the only thing that’s kept my mind…quiet. I should do it more honestly but I was tired and I could barely get the bowl out of the cabinet. But that first week I got back and I realized I couldn’t do anything else, so I made a lot of it. Gave it out to the people in the seam. They liked it enough.”

 “Some came out pretty good, even better than some of the times we had some from the bakery.” Her youngest brother bragged for her. You couldn’t help smile at the pride in which they spoke of their sister. You’d learned the youngest one was called Amal, the oldest one Mallory. Both fiercely protective and worried at the state Y/n couldn’t seem to snap out of for very long. A few days of decent sleep should help, but the games had lasting effects.

 “Would it be okay if I tried to make some? They would go good with the stew. And I need the practice.”

 “Y/n, you realize we’re the guests, right?” Enobaria chuckled, “Do what you want, honey. Mal, do you guys have any board games, we’re going to be here awhile. I could use your help planning activities.”

 “Sure.” He looked at his sister, “You’re good?”

 “Yeah go.” She waved him off. Amal followed behind them, and Cashmere brought out a book to distract herself. You wondered why she hung around. Probably to have someone monitor you. You had been unable to hide the fact that you were content for the first time in who knows how long when Brutus questioned you. She’d only been asleep for a little over an hour. You had a sense of purpose for at least a little while. His words kept echoing through your mind. You swore your ears were ringing.

 You think you can help her?

 Just be sure you don’t kill this one.

 Enobaria had taken him away from you almost immediately afterwards. While his words stung, he was right. You were dangerous. You couldn’t even give Y/n the damn sedative without almost screaming at her. You wondered why Enobaria had told you take a shift sitting with her considering she seemed fond of her, it should have been a compliment.

 “Cato?”

 “Hm?”

 “Are you okay?”

 “Yeah, just distracted.” She smiled at you as she began taking ingredients out for her project. She asked that a lot. Though to be fair, you probably gave her plenty of reason for worry. You tried to order your body to obey you. Stay away, Cato. Keep your distance, Cato.

“Can I help?”

 “Would you like to?” Her eyes seemed to light up when you nodded. She was acting too kind. She should keep her distance after all your encounters today. You realize you’d put your hands on her at least twice and the thought of her comparing you to the creeps in the capitol… it would make you sick. You see Cashmere raise her eyebrows at and chuckle at something in her book.

 “What do I do?”

 Y/n had already measured everything out. She handed you a large bowl, “Just mix these up for me. She mixed her own ingredients before coming back to you, “Okay good just keep mixing while I pour this all in, okay?”

 Another nod. You had never had a chance to do something like recreationally. You could see why she picked it. This was a nice break. You wanted to do more, “What’s next?”

 “You okay with getting your hands dirty?”

 “Yes?”

 “Okay” She said in a sing song voice, as grabbed the dough with her hands, “I suggest you wash your hands. We’re going to knead.”

 “We’re going to need what?”

 She giggles, “Not that kind of need. Just wash up and I’ll show you.” So, you watch as she began forming the dough. You just copied her. Enjoying that your hands had something to do besides fidget. She separates the finished balls of dough in two separate bowls. “We have to wait for thirty minutes. Then we’ll mold the dough again.”

 “How’d you learn this?” You say as the two of you wash up?”

 “I went to the baker the second my family took their eyes off of me. I think it was late into the night. But you know me, I’m an endless supply of tears so I was crying and begging for them to let me apologize. His mom didn’t say anything, but his dad at least came out to talk to me. I told him I wanted to start baking…for him.” You wondered if she would ever be able to say his name again, “The next morning he brought me a book he put together full of his own recipes. I guess they all have one collective one but he was working on his own. I don’t know how they found it or why they don’t want it, and I don’t care.”

 “Do you think you would want to add to it?”

 “Maybe. I talked to Cinna about it, maybe he can get some recipes from the capitol. I just— I don’t know, the phone is weird to me.”

 “When do you speak to him next?’

 “Sometime this week, he’s been calling to check on me.” She sees the look of concern growing on your face and tried to steer the conversation towards a more positive direction, “You’re pretty good at this Cato. Maybe this should have been your talent.”

 “hm. I would have never even thought of this. Thanks, by the way. For letting me help.”

 “I hope you’re not backing out we still have a little more to do.”

 “Of course not.” Amal comes in almost immediately afterwards.

 “Hey, Y/n, Katniss is here. Enobaria doesn’t want to spook her she says. So, you need to open the door.”

 “And you can’t do it because…”

 He thinks about it for a second and shrugs, “I dunno, she likes you anyway.”

 He runs out just as quick and you, y/n, and cashmere laugh. Y/n excuses herself and follows her brother. Cashmere closes her book, you wonder how she remembers where she stopped. “So…That seemed…relaxing.”

 “I guess it was.”

 “She has an effect on people, doesn’t she.” It was question but was said in the way of a statement, or accusation of sorts

 “I guess. She never seems…scared by my company.”

 “Yeah, wonder why?”

 “I don’t know. It stresses me out.”

 “Well, you enjoy her company right? You don’t think she possibly feels the same?”

 “She shouldn’t.”

 She scoffs, “Oh come on Cato. You clearly care about her.”

 Care was a dangerous word in a victor’s life. She of all people should know that, “Like you said, she has an effect on people. I just don’t want her to end up like Annie. Or…me.”

 “Well. It’s a good thing we’re here, right?”

 “Hey guys this is Katniss. I was trying to convince her to take some food for her family but she probably got something better huh?” Y/n bounced in with a girl who was already on the defensive. You had been able to tell that Y/n was a hunter, you could see this girl was the same. You wondered if they worked together.

 “You would know if you came out sometime.” She answered. Y/n shrugged but her demeanor had changed. You decided you weren’t a fan of her ‘cousin.’ Still, considering y/n didn’t automatically shut down with her there must be some support offered.

 “Maybe, you could show us the woods sometime, Katniss.” Cashmere offered, ignoring the girls initial coldness. Every one’s eyes snapped to hers. “What?”

 “You would risk something like that?”

 “We risk our lives every day. Wouldn’t be much different/” Cashmere shrugged before returning to her book. Y/n seemed to nod in agreement.

 “So will you take some food for later?” Y/n asked after a long silence.

 “Sure. Gale hasn’t had much time to go out, I’ll let them have what I got.”

 This seemed to please y/n. She led everyone out to the living room while we waited for the food. It felt crowded to you. You stayed near the opening ready to hop back into the kitchen at the first available moment. Amal asked Katniss to join them and Enobaria as they set up a new game she wanted to try. You expected her to say no immediately, but Amal seemed to appeal to her. You remembered her sister, the one y/n volunteered for. Apparently kids are the only people she tries to be anything akin to pleasant to. Y/n leans against the wall next to you.

 “Want to hide in the kitchen with me?” You nod and follow her out of the room. You can feel several pairs of eyes trained on you. Though you don’t stay to investigate whose they belong to.

 Y/n perches herself on an empty counter, begins swinging her legs, “So how did you get stuck coming here?”

 “I was glad Enobaria decided she needed to keep an eye on me and bring me along. I didn’t get stuck on anything. Brutus maybe.”

 “Yeah he doesn’t seem too happy.”

 “That’s because no one’s fighting yet.”

 She chuckles for half a second before she seems to recall something that darkens her expression, “Can I ask you something?”

 “Sure.”

 “What’s District 2 like?”

 You blink, for some reason that’s the last question you’re expecting. “To be honest, the only thing I know is the academy I went to.”

 “Well, you had to have done something when you were younger before you joined, right? It’s just—I’m sure you miss home. I feel bad for taking you out.”

 “Actually…no.”

“No?”

“No I don’t miss it. And no I don’t remember anything outside of training.”

 Her brows furrow, “Wait. How early do you guys start?”

 “As soon as your parents decide you show potential I guess. I think my dad signed me up right before I turned four?” You don’t remember much outside of that training building but you couldn’t quite seem to forget the screams as you ripped out of your mothers arms. “My father was supposed to go in on his eighteenth birthday but some guy and him got into a fight. Broke his leg. Couldn’t even be a peacekeeper.”

 “So, he forced you to do it instead.” You shrugged, you would say it worked out in the end, but considering you weren’t doing all that great after the games… “He must be proud of you.”

 “…No.”

 She doesn’t miss a beat, you begin to wonder if she genuinely believes all the praise that seems to escape her lips, “Well he should be. Come on, its time to actually bake the bread. You should be good at this next part.”

 You both wash up before you say anything else. You had to remember you’re there to help her, not the other way around. She really doesn’t need to worry about your own problems, “So what’s next?”

 She holds one of the bowls out, “Punch the dough. Wait let me put the bowls down I don’t want to be knocked out.”

 You’re surprised at the size of the dough. This recipe was definitely made for a bakery. No substitutions. No wonder she was confident it was enough for everyone. You look at the giant pot cooking. They seemed prepared to cook for more than one family. She laughs as you weakly punch the first bowl. “Is this for your family too?”

 “Nope, my dad won’t accept handouts. I just give my mom money for whatever they need, he buys whatever excuse she uses. Katniss is taking some for her family, and I plan on making Haymitch eat. If there’s any left I can find someone at the hob or seam in general to take them. Now I know you can punch harder.”

 You obey and find yourself finding the whole thing humorous. You’re about to ask how you did but as you turn you’re met with Y/n opening her hand to send a small cloud of flour at you. You aren’t exactly sure how you know what’s happening but you get your own covered in flour and spread across her face. You begin throwing and swiping at each other, Your own laughter sounding foreign to you. It had been awhile, and yet since you’d arrived you had been more relaxed than you had thought possible.

“Okay, okay truce!” She laughs, “You win.”

 “You started it to be fair.”

 “True, I think we both needed to have… something. You know?”

 “Yeah, I do. But we made a mess.”

 “Yeahhh. I’ll start cleaning. Can you shape the rolls?”

 “If you show me how first.” She smiles and gets several trays out, she lines it with some kind of paper, and demonstrates how to small to shape the bread. You find your eyes don’t seem to stop watching, she begins shaking the flour out of her hair when Katniss and Enobaria come in.

 “What happened here?” Enobaria exclaims. You open your mouth to try and explain nothing dangerous occurred when Y/n speaks up.

 “Oh I forgot he’s never dealt with flour before so when I told him to grab some and drop it on the counter he grabbed too much and it got everywhere, and then I made it worse when I tried to stop him before it was too late. I’m about to sweep it all up.” You wonder she immediately covers for you. You know its best, Enobaria would believe her over you in a second. How she knows when you need help is beyond you. You remember the first night you met and how she diffused the situation with Brutus. How you’d felt indebted to her since. You glance at Katniss and can tell immediately she knows she’s lying. You continue focusing on the task you were given. By the time you finish y/n is ready to grab the trays and transport them to the oven.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

  Y/n’s POV

 Four years old?? It was no wonder the end of the games had left scarred and hollow. He knew nothing else. You wondered how any parent agreed to that. You hoped he would find a chance to find himself as separate from the games. You hoped to know him then too. You stop yourself from getting too hopeful, at the end of the day Cato, and yourself would never separate from the games. Every year you would be forced to relive it. Hell, in six months you would need to do just that for the victory tour. Where you would meet all the families of the tributes you had a hand in killing. Thresh, Rue, Marvel…Peeta. You would come face to face with people who hated you and wished you dead, that you had been the one to fall. You could never blame them. You often wished the same. The only bright side would be that you could apologize to someone, instead of screaming at whoever haunted your dreams that night to take you instead.

 “Y/n.” You really should try and not zone out so much, “what happened?”

 “Sorry. Just thinking about the victory tour.”

 “You still have a few months.”

 “Yeah I know.” You had agreed to go out with Katniss in the morning, Madge said she would try and join you as long as her father didn’t try and keep her in some lecture or meeting. Today it was just the two of you. Better to not have Katniss force herself to interact with the careers until she could see that they were just like you. A product of the hands dealt to you. Slaves to the capitol. Their stories seemed to make the slightest of cracks in Katniss. While she would often say she only cared about Prim, Katniss simply cares. She’s says you have to be born a healer like her mother and sister, but in her own way Katniss is just that.

 “They weren’t terrible.”

 “Oh?” You both chuckled as you ate the breakfast you supplied for the two of you. Today would be all snares. You would try and worry about fish tomorrow. Anything else is fair game, well you say that but you haven’t made any effort to shoot something down. She made a decent haul, for maybe one family and some decent trading at the hob.

 “Give it to Hazel. They have more mouths to feed.”

 “I don’t want to take more food from you.”

 “Okay keep that for your family then. Gale will love if I just give his family money to buy food tonight.”

 “He doesn’t have to know.” She grumbled

 “Yeah because you know Hazel or Posy wont let it slip, right?”

 She let out a sigh of defeat, “Fine.”

 “Don’t worry Katniss, you’re paying me fair and square. Who else would hang out with me?”

 “You’re ridiculous.” She rolled her eyes, ���See you tomorrow?”

 “Yep!”

 You stop by your old home and leave an envelope with some cash in the window of the kitchen. You wonder if your dad will ever admit to him needing some kind of help. You think about going to see Haymitch, but you also know he’ll be too hungover this early for guests. Back home it is. You think about how you’ll have a new routine for a while, and dread when it will have to come to an end.

“You slept better last night.” Enobaria greets you

 “I did have backup.” You smile at her, she gestures for you to meet her in the kitchen where a cup of tea awaits you. “I wish you guys never had to go.”

 You must have said that rather grimly because Enobaria rests her hand on your arm, “We don’t have to worry about that for now…But believe me, I think I may be growing fond of this place.”

 You smile and let warm liquid sooth your throat, “What’s the plan today?”

 “We are going to talk about the games and any questions you have. Technically, we have lessons on customs for every district but we will ease into those. Today you just ask away. Just because you half slept one night doesn’t mean you’re ready for anything too intense.”

 “What’s the overall goal?”

 “For you to sleep on your own. And for you to be able to use a weapon again.” You don’t need to ask why you would need that second part, “Exercising can help with a lot and when you realize those tools don’t always have to be weapons anymore…well maybe you wont sleep with a knife under your pillow.”

 You didn’t. But, truthfully you didn’t sleep at all until last night, so I guess that makes sense. You’d learned Haymitch did and so did Cato, and you wouldn’t put it past Brutus. You feel as if there is more to what Enobaria is saying but those goals sound exhausting enough as is.

“So, where’s everyone else?”

 “Cashmere is organizing the lesson plans as we speak. Cato is probably tossing in his sleep. Brutus is probably out of commission again since he decided he would stay with Haymitch.” Your blank stare makes her laugh, “I know. But I also know how much of a clean freak he is and considering he came in twice last night for supplies, I’d bet he just fell asleep from cleaning.”

 “So, it’s just us for a while?” She looks slightly nervous at the question and nods, “Can I start asking questions?”

 You see her release some air, “Of course.”

 “What do you in the training academy?”

 She blinks as if she is trying to recall everything that happens in the building, she was forced to grow up in, “Everything. When your young…god I hated this part. They would start by trying to make you cry. They would put you in a room with toys or tell you your parents were here to pick you up, basically anything to get you hopes up. Then they would immediately terrorize you or tell you that you’ll be unwanted unless you win the hunger games.”

 You turn on the same mask you wore when you were forced to watch the recap of all of your fellow tributes dying. You learned that they would run until they physically collapsed. Some kids began trying to fail so they could get kicked out and return home, only to find that they had disgraced their family. If you weren’t quite meeting expectations you were forced to go into peacekeeper training. Boys and girls had different dormitories, the older kids of each room would be forced to attack the youngest one to enter the room every time they aged up, only stopping when the victim would stop moving. They would fight against each other didn’t matter the gender weekly, the harder opponents you faced and defeated would mean you would get more points added to your score. The highest eighteen year old was then selected to enter the hunger games. They day before the reaping the boy or girl with the highest points in any age group could challenge the volunteer. You remember Clove being fifteen. You avoid asking what she did to get that spot. You trained every day with whatever weapon you wanted to perfect. When they weren’t handling weapons they would be running or swimming, or figuring out hand to hand combat. They would practice ambushes, and would torture them to get them to figure out new ways to escape from possibly stronger opponents. She tells you at one point they will wrap a rope around your neck and you have to figure out how to escape before choking out. No one is allowed to discuss that day’s training. They would often times be starved on occasion to make the kids angrier and more likely to pick fights, weed out the weaker ones.

 “…I used to wish I was from any other district. But you’re trained to believe it really is the best thing that could happen to you. Win a fight, get points, have a certain number of wins on your belt, get an extra day off.” They only got one day of rest, and no one could do anything but sleep those days. You learned about the extra survival classes that were offered on top of the already long and brutal ten to twelve hour days. You could trade in those points too, use them to call or see your family. Only the younger ones opted to do those. The older kids saved them up for chance to make it to the games.

 “Then you win the games, come home to a family who has no idea who you are besides a bragging right. And if you lose, your family is next to shunned.”

 Her voice is low and you can no longer hold in your tears. You do the only thing that you can think she need and embrace her. Your life was hard, but you knew before you were more than someone who was going to die for the capitol. Enobaria, Brutus, Cashmere, Cato…who were these people outside of the games. Who did they become when they realized killing did not bring them honor? How long did it take them to accept that murdering their fellow tributes left the hollow, angry, lost? Were the nightmares something they were used to or was it a byproduct they were never warned about? How much exactly did they leave out?

 You don’t find it in you to say you’re sorry. Enobaria did not want pity. You step back to give her space, “You are all so strong for making through the program alone. I could never—”

 “I’m not all that strong, you know? I actually almost lost my games.”

 “Wha—really?”

 “It came down to us two thanks to mutts and weather. Even running into each other was an accident. A girl from ten. She was strong. Besides the 1, 2, and 4 its 10 that makes the most winners. Or the ones that get the closest to winning. Anyway, I thought I would be faster. I don’t even know what I was thinking besides that that was it, it was now or never. Anyway, she had the weight advantage, somehow pinned me down after the very bloody fight. The only thing nearby that could actually end me was a rock, just out of reach. She had to lean to try and get it, she moved just enough to snap my arm out and then I remember rolling. I was desperate. I thought it was my ticket home… I bit down… sometime while we began rolling in the dirt.”

 You think about the desperateness that would bring someone to bite another person. How scared she must have been. You also understood. Dying in the beginning while unfortunate, at least it was quick. But to make it to the end and lose knowing you were so close, I mean to see your chance of going home slip from your fingers at the very end… You didn’t doubt that last tribute was the one who haunted Enobaria’s dreams the most.

 “I remember screaming after I stood up. Not in victory but shock at what I had actually done. The cameras wont show it for long but I actually tried to stop the bleeding in her neck…When I woke up I found my teeth like this. And I became a monster.”

 “You are not a monster. What they did to you…It doesn’t define you. I know it doesnt.” It cant, you start to think but as you say those words you realize how little you believe them. Like you were now expected to be, Enobaria was a puppet to the capitol. Her alterations rendering her to likely be alone forever, unless she was with fellow victors or training others to follow in her footsteps. She had said she refused to ever train at the academy and you couldn’t say you blamed her. You wonder about the repercussions for refusing to train more killers, more victims to the games, more victims to the capitol. Enobaria smiles weakly, knowing your words couldn’t be farther from the truth. Then again… you think about Cecelia, you knew she had made a family of her own, you wonder how she managed to do so and how she would manage if her kids were reaped.

 “Isn’t this a cheery discussion?” Cashmere came in and patted Enobaria who gave a sort of broken laugh as she wiped her face.

 “Hey, she asked.”

 “Its true. I really am sorry I was just—”

 “Don’t be, I don’t think anyone has actually cared how I felt about everything. I didn’t think it would be that emotional. Why don’t you go relax for a while? I want to see what Cashmere has set up and I probably need to compose myself and make sure Haymitch and Brutus didn’t kill each other.” She wanted to keep herself busy. You understood that.

 “Could you check on Cato for me?” Cashmere asks, “If he’s asleep be careful not to wake him up by his upper half, he can be a bit jumpy and well... you know about the knife.”

 “I know.” Great. Why did I have to wake him at all? You wondered if he was sleeping any better. You know Cato had been ‘keeping watch’ when you finally woke up. He only smiled briefly, said good morning and disappeared. You were pretty sure you woke up once in the middle of the night but you weren’t sure who shushed you back to sleep. When you find him in one of the other rooms you have to stop yourself from rushing him and asking him to wake up. He’s hunched over, it reminds you of…Peeta, at least when he was sick. But the similarities stop there. It was clear he was having a nightmare of his own, there were small beads of sweat forming on his forehead. He almost looked sick. Sounded sick. As if he was forcing back pained cries or whining. You wonder what happened when someone got sick in the academy place, you shuddered thinking about it. After worrying he may actually be sick, you decide to check. You look around, you look over him, one hand is tucked under his pillow, probably clutching the knife if you were to bet. Damn. You’d have to wake him. You over by his legs barely shaking him before jumping back. His arm already swinging as you stand up.

 He has to blink a few times to get a hold of his surroundings, “Y/n? What are you doing? You could have—”

 “That’s why I woke you up from down here.” You interrupt, you didn’t want him to keep thinking of you as someone who was weak. Someone who needed constant help, or supervision. You do need help but he worries too much. And you already owe him a lot. You sit at the foot of the bed, “I just want to check your temperature.”

 “I’m okay.”

 “Will you just—” You decide to stop asking and press his hand against his forehead and then his cheek, “You feel like you just visited the sun.”

 He still seemed shocked you had reached over and actually checked. “I don’t feel sick.”

 “Be honest if you felt sick would you say anything anyway?” He says nothing, “Yeah didn’t think so. I’ll be back.”

 You rush down to the kitchen and pour another cup of tea and add some honey. You make sure to grab some fever pills and bring a couple of those. After debating it you make some toast as well and head back up. You half explain what’s happening to Cashmere and dash back upstairs as quickly as you can. You find him in the same position you left him in. Sat up, elbows perched on his knees, eyes down, mind entirely elsewhere. You sit on the foot of the bed again, checking to see if his temperature is lower, it wasn’t. He winces at your touch but doesn’t protest.

 “Sorry.” He mutters

 “You’ve literally done nothing you have to apologize for, here: eat, medicine, drink.” He nods, and starts chewing at his bread. You realize orders are what he’s used to and you immediately feel guilt slam into you. You feel your hands reach up to your arms as you wait, you start scratching with one finger, then tapping, you should stop yourself. You know exactly what this leads to but at the same time, it helps you realize where you are. Stops you from flashing back to the games. Cato uses one hand to grab one of your own and bring it down away from your body. He doesn’t say anything this time. Just keeps absentmindedly eating, and you wonder if he even realized what he did. You wait until he at least takes the medicine before standing up.

 “I think you should try and get some rest.”

 “Wait.”

 “Yeah?”

 “...Thank you.”

 “Sure, Cato. I’ll be back in a bit to grab the plates.”

 “Can you just... stay?”

 “You want me to stay?”

 “I could use the company.” You felt your own cheeks heat up but felt your lips elicit a small smile and nodded, he moved closer to the wall, “I wont swing at you I promise.”

 You sit closer but with your feet still hanging from the edge, in case he needed to get some rest without you there, “Sorry I’ve been making you guys have uneven sleep because of… everything. You shouldnt have taken a shift if you felt unwell.”

 “I think it’s a habit to just ignore those things. I’m sorry too by the way,”  You look at him, not wanting to keep interrupting him again, “You don’t have to keep me company. You don’t have to feel forced to be near me at all really…”

 The way he says ‘forced’ is like a slap in the face, you realize why he kept tensing every time you would be around him, even after he requested. It wasn’t because he didn’t want you to actually say yes, or because he was being polite… “Wait. Do you think I feel forced to be around you? Is it because of the party?”

 He doesn’t look at me, “Honestly, the last thing I want is to make anyone or well you to feel like you did with that…guy.”

 “Yeah he was a creep. But Cato, I genuinely enjoy your company, I have since the training center, besides I feel like you should be tired of me by now. You’re always helping me out.”

 He let out a sigh, “Oh thank god. I thought I was making you upset.”

 You laugh, “Nope.” You both smile at each other before you realize he still hasn’t had very much sleep, “You really should sleep.”

 “I don’t want to.”

 “Can you try?” He lies down and shrugs

 “Sleep isn’t going to come.”

 “Yeah I know…You know when my Amal was really little he would only sleep if my mom or I rubbed his back. Especially when he was sick. Maybe I can keep watch, just you know maybe don’t hold on to the knife.”

 “That’s not your job,”

 “Well you cant do your job if you’re too tired to do a good job.”

 “Fine. I’ll try.”

 “Good.” You wonder why back scratches feel so comforting when you’re sick. Within minutes Cato’s body seems relax. Tension visibly leaving as his breathing begins to get steady. You wonder again, how often he had to pretend he wasn’t sick, and if he was punished for it. After about thirty minutes you decide he is well enough asleep. After two more hours, Enobaria brings you some food and informs you Haymitch and Brutus haven’t in fact, killed each other yet. You only manage to place the food on the nightstand when Cato wakes.

 “I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

 “You’re still here?”

 “I told you I would keep watch.”

 “But you actually stayed here?”

 “Yes?”

 “Why?”

 “It helped me sleep to have someone watching out for me. I figured I could do the same for you.”

 “Well…thank you.”

 “You sound surprised.”

 “Usually, people listen to me when I say I’m fine.”

 “Well, you also lied about feeling sick, so I just have to assume all your gut reactions will be lie about what you’re feeling.”

 “I guess I do. I don’t try to…”

 “I know. I do the same thing, remember? We’re all broken here.”

 Cato starts to get up, slowly, as if he has to think about which muscle needs to move. “Im so tired that. It’s exhausting.”

 “Tired of what?”

 “Being broken.”

 It sounded stupid to say ‘me too,’ especially when he had been fighting his demons much longer than you have. You just nodded and turned to him, a mistake. He was much closer than you anticipated. His eye were a piercing blue, you looked down, finding yourself unable to move, “I uhm…I wish I could help.”

 “You help a lot more than you realize.”

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

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