#its been a while but i truly do miss it jesus

[rafeandonlyrafe]

my aphrodite

words: 900

warnings: 18+ only, smut, established relationship, husband!rafe, pregnant!reader, pregnancy sex but not really pregnancy kink, female receiving oral, p in v sex, unprotected sex, brief mentions of issues with pregnancy (just at the very beginning, its rafes anxiety)

“oh thank god you're home.” you rush up to rafe the second the front door shuts behind him.

“what's wrong?” rafe asks, eyes widening, thoughts immediately shifting to what could possibly be the problem. “is it the baby? are you bleeding?” 

rafe reaches for your stomach, looking over your body.

“god, nothing like that.” you shake your head. “the baby is fine im not fine though.” before rafe can interrupt you, you quickly continue. “im so horny, babe. like so fucking horny. my hormones are- god, like im already wet just from seeing you i need you to fuck me.”

“jesus.” rafe presses a hand against his chest, feeling how fast his heart is beating. “yeah, of course, let's go upstairs.”

“too far.” you grasp rafes hand, tugging him into the kitchen. you lean over the counter and flip up the bottom of your maternity dress, showing off your already bare and wet pussy.

“jesus.” rafe says again, this time his tone light as he laughs. “you really are needy.”

“do something. do something, im going crazy.” you plead, arms resting on the countertop.

your head drops to the cold marble as rafe gets down on his knees behind you, pressing his face between the opening of your thighs.

“oh, fuck.” you moan out as rafes mouth meets your pussy, smearing your juices across his chin as he eats you out.

what you can't see is rafe pulling his cock out of his pants, stroking himself to hardness just from your taste on his tongue.

rafe turns his attention to your clit, teasingly running the tip of his tongue around it in wide circles before closing in, pressing kisses to your most sensitive part.

“more.” you beg, and rafe is quick to listen as he sucks your clit into his mouth, both hands coming to hold your thighs now that he's sufficiently hard.

you let out a satisfied moan, glad to finally have rafes attention where youve been craving it all day, but it isn't what you truly want.

“fuck me. need your cock, rafey. need it so bad. want you to put another baby in me.” you whine out, knowing while it may not be possible, you need to be filled with him in every way possible.

rafe stands quickly, scrambling to his feet as he pushes his cock into you, moaning when he sinks into your wetness, soft and open for him as he immediately begins to push his hips forward into you.

“god, finally.” you squeal.

“next time just call me, ill come home from work to fuck you.” rafe laughs, watching the way your hands are gripping the marble, trying to find something to hold but only finding the smooth surface.

“maybe ill just tell the secretary im bringing you in lunch and you can fuck me in your office.” you laugh airly.

“except we both know you can't be quiet.” rafe grunts as he speeds his hips up to keep you satisfied.

“mhm exactly.” you smile, looking back over your shoulder at rafe. “remind everyone in your office that you're mine.”

rafe just nods. he knows no one has forgotten, not when you come in every other day to drop him off lunch, telling him how bored you are when he's not home and how much you desperately miss him.

you keep your head turned as rafe unbuttons his shirt, his hips still pushing forward as he lets the fabric fall from his shoulders, revealing his sculpted torso.

“you're like a damn greek god.” you moan out, finding your husband even more attractive now that you're pregnant with his baby, something you didn't even realize was possible.

“then you're my aphrodite.” rafe bends over your back, pressing a kiss to your lips that you graciously accept.

you let out a whine when he pulls away, only for rafe to quickly maneuver you, flipping you over and picking you up so you're sat on the countertop.

“need to keep kissing you.” rafe says, grabbing his cock and realigning himself with your pussy as his mouth dominates yours.

“god, yes.” you whine, pressing yourself as close to rafe as you can with your pregnant belly, hips at the very edge of the marble slab.

rafe takes over your entire body, pushing into your pussy while his mouth leaves you with no other room to think about anything other than him.

“i love you baby.” rafe moans, barely pulling his mouth away to talk. “you're so beautiful.”

“cum in me.” you whine. “please, need it.”

“yeah, i got you.” rafe grunts, putting all his focus into pressing inside of you, determined to make you cum.

he sighs with relief when he feels you squeeze around him, your pussy clenching as your high hits, entire body shuddering with pleasure as rafe allows the wall to fall as he moans out your name and cums inside of you.

“fuck! baby!” rafe shouts, pushing as deep inside of you as he can, it's not like he needs to worry about getting you pregnant when you're already filled with his baby.

“ah, shit.” you whine, laying back against the countertop, splayed out, maternity dress still pushes up, showing off your belly and dripping pussy as rafe carefully pulls out.

“come on, let's get you in the bath.” rafe scoops you up in his arms, biceps bulging as he carries you up the stairs.

“remember, no hot water.” you hum as rafe sets you down in the chair he dragged into the bathroom just for you, not wanting you to have to stand while doing your makeup or brushing your teeth.

“i know.” rafe laughs softly, having learned everything about pregnancy in order to help you. he leans down over the chair, hands on either arm. “but thanks for the reminder, beautiful.”

you wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling him back into another kiss. the bath will have to wait.

[81folklore]

because i liked a boy - NORRIS

pairing: lando norris x ex!singer reader (fc: madison beer)

summary: after months of excessive and unnecessary hate you release a song to tell your side of the story

authors note: i decided to create a character for this, isla, you never see her just in this situation she is ‘olivia’. isla is famous in this but not a singer!! i will NEVER forget the way i felt when i listened to this song for the first time,, enjoy!!

authors note 2: i honestly hate this so much but ive had no motivation so i just pulled this out of the depths. i literally have no clue on what i want to do next so i might just be doing silly filler things until i figure it out🫠

warnings: death threats!! basically anything mentioned in because i liked a boy

masterlist part 2

yourusername

liked by alex_albon, charlottesine and 2,264,628 others

<3333

view comments

user7 stop teasingggg😭we need the new music

user10 starving for new music

user31 slut!!

user15 leave!!!

user63 wait why are people hating on her? what did i miss??

user5 isla did an interview talking about why her and lando broke up and shaded yn for ‘breaking them up’, basically calling yn the other woman

user7 but also nothing has been confirmed by lando or yn plus lando and yn been broken up for like 10 months so i dont really understand why its getting brought up now

alex_albon new music soon🫣

yourusername lily i know its you😭

alex_albon 😁😁

lando.jpg

liked by tombale46, maxfewtrell and 181,642 others

Day 34. i <3 chicken quesadillas

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user17 we love this content

user8 looks tasty, food looks good too!!

user82 remember that stream where lando and yn made quesadillas while they listened to black eyed peas?

user2 yes!! i loved that stream so much :’)

user103 why would you get with a homewrecker??

user6 yn is such a slut

user7 why are you guys bringing up yn? not only that why are you only blaming yn??

yourusername

liked by kit.connor, theofficialfng and 2,836,605 others

but ill always be your favorite 🫧

view comments

user10 music lyric??

user81 NEW MUSIC?? SOON?? PLEASE??

user73 yall love supporting a rebound🥱

user90 k1ll yourself!!

user83 no one cares

user6 jesus the sluts back

user14 yall love to say your hate her and yet here you are..being obsessed

yourusername

liked by clementnovalak, lilymhe and 3,352,821 others

thank you. thank you so so much. i truly cannot express the love i felt tonight when singing my new song. thank you from the bottom of my heart❤️‍🩹

view comments

user10 oh im in love with you

user16 you are so special to me

user82 hearing this live healed me :’)

yourusername 🫶🫶

user66 this song just changed my life

user73 i hope everyone shuts the fuck up now..

user99 you never deserved this, we love you so much☹️

landonorris added to their story

[mostly-marvel-musings]

Old Tricks - P3

A/N: Now I can’t stop writing…

Pairing: Tony Stark x F! Reader

Warnings: 18+ themes, fluff.

Find Part 1 & Part 2 here ;)

.

Your husband was missing. Again.

And right after promising that he wouldn’t be late for movie night.

Movie nights. Something you had designated every once in a while complete with buttery popcorn and candy and lots of fluffy pillows and blankets.

Sighing, you finished your glass of wine while his lay untouched and made your way downstairs where he was probably killing his back over some invention.

As suspected, there he was, deep in conversation with his virtual best friend, FRIDAY. You hadn’t decided whether to let this go or go up to him and remind him of what he’d missed. It didn’t hurt you because you had lived with the man long enough to understand he never did it on purpose.

Curiosity had gotten the better of you when you squinted to see what he was up to, watching your husband scroll through pictures that resembled…sex toys?

“Let’s keep the face plate easily retractable too, the wife has a thing for neck kisses and so do I.”

Tony murmured, mostly to himself but he made amendments to the project in front of him, fingers gliding over the keyboard to put his words into actuality. He had lost track of time but only because it was directed towards a little present he had been working on, for you.

Unknown to him, you were standing back within earshot, watching him work with a mixture of shock and amusement on your face.

“I mean, I know Y/N loves coming on my fingers just as much. Maybe we could tweak the suit? Add additional modes on the vibrators too.”

Sure, boss.

Blush crept up your cheeks as his words fell on your ears, it was as if he was discussing any other modification to be done to his Iron Man suits. You tiptoed inside, not wanting to announce your presence just yet as Tony Stark - the successor of Stark Industries, genius inventor, world-renown superhero and philanthropist continued his back and forth with the AI.

You watched as prototypes holograms of his suit showed up, the alterations he spoke about highlighted along with detailed description of its features. The man ran his fingers through his hair, leaving them a glorious mess before walked around the table as if to get a whole 360 view.

Clearing your throat finally, you stifled a laugh as your husband jumped with a hand over his heart.

“Jesus Christ! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

Chuckling, you wrapped your arms around the man and reached up to give him a soft kiss. He sighed and hugged you, rubbing your back gently.

“You know among the things I presumed you do down here, I never imagined I’d catch you doing this. I also didn’t realise we had branched out to Adults Toys R Us.” You giggled when Tony playfully slapped your butt, joining in your laughter.

“It was supposed to be a surprise and a silly little gift. For the countless dates I’ve missed, I’m sorry.” He stared at his feet, scratching the back of his neck almost nervously.

“So you’re making me an apology sex toy? You continue to amaze me, Mr. Stark.” You murmured, making him look up at you again before pressing your lips to his lightly.

The man truly was unbelievable.

“What did I miss?” He asked earnestly, guilt evidently reflecting in his brown eyes.

“Our movie night. But it’s okay, I won’t hold it against you. Especially not if promise to reveal what all of this is about.”

Chuckling lowly, Tony planted his head on your shoulder, letting out a tired sigh and a purr the moment your fingers ran through his hair, comforting him.

“Am I going to get a demo or what?” You turned towards his work station while still keeping your arms around him.

“Nope. It’s still a work in progress.” Tony shrugged, swiftly shutting down his work.

“Oh come on, Tony! At least tell me something about it, what does it look like, how do I use it—”

“Oh no, you’re not going to use it. I am.”

You frowned, coaxing him to continue, now that he’d really got your interest piqued. It wasn’t surprising that he would design something like this without involving an element of ‘him’ in it.

“You’re giving me a present that’s meant to be used by you? Hmm, I’m not so sure if I want it now..” you teased, welcoming Tony as he slotted himself between your legs, caging you in by placing both his arms on either side.

“Oh you want it, alright. I’ve made sure it’s everything you’d wished for and more.”

“Hmm.. I would like some more details before I decide how I feel about this present.” Your arms naturally found their way behind his neck, excitement already building deep within as your little banter continued.

“Well?”

“Let’s just say all of your suit kink prayers have been answered, Mrs. Stark.”

No smut just yet 🤭

[greeneyed-thestral]

I MET MICHAEL SHEEN. 16/03/24, National Theatre

So, if you've read my post about booking tickets to see Michael, you know all about my what-ifs. But the day was finally here.

I arrived at the National Theatre, followed all the Nye signs and here's the Olivier Theatre. I made my sister buy me the show's programme, hoping I would be able to get it signed.

I find my seat, I'm not in the centre but the stage still feels very close and you can see everything (amphitheatres are always the best).

Lights out. The audience is in religious silence. Can't believe I'm actually here, this is happening.

[skip this part in smaller font, if you want to avoid spoilers] In the words of Staged, he really loses himself in his roles. First of all, it's great to hear him speak in a Welsh accent.

But then we also see him turning back into a child, and you can totally believe he's young and innocent again. His stutter feels so real, his struggle and sadness too. The entire ensamble is great during the classroom scene, where they all help Nye against their bullying teacher (using those big canes to make him look scary really works). Hearing young Nye confessing that at times he thinks he 'shouldn't exist' because of who he is was a gut punch; Michael's delivery of that whole part is incredible, in that moment he really becomes a little boy that allows himself to feel vulnerable and says something dark to a friend. The way he jumps while saying "I can visualise and enunciate!" made me wanna jump too, he was ready to give up and then he found the solution through books, it's the joy and relief you feel when you realise that there is another way and your life is not over.

Now, I've watched musicals all my life and let me tell you that man is meant to be in one. He opened his mouth and all I could see was someone that had been waiting a long time for the occasion to show his talent, truly showstopping. He was so free and happy and confident, singing and dancing spectacularly. I couldn't stop smiling and giggling, we all clapped.

It's clear he means every word he says, and when he points and shouts his political arguments at the audience, those who feel called out must be shaking; I thought 'This is how people in Ancient Greece must have felt everytime they went to the theatre'. His Nye is inspiring, passionate, someone you'd want to follow, he stands up for what he believes in and lets nothing get in his way.

We get to watch him flirt, on all fours, waggling his 'tail'; everytime we think we've seen all he's capable of, he does something like this and surprises us.

But most of all, we see him being scared, first of having to do something, and then of not being able to do enough for all of us. At one point everyone has requests for Nye and I was expecting him to shout "Heal yourselves!" like Jesus in JCS, it totally conveyed what it must have been like to be in his role at the time, overwhelmed with daunting responsibilities.

In general, I appreciated the fact that it wasn't a linear biography, they chose life moments that have universal situations everyone can relate too, like they do in bio-musicals. I loved the staging. The colour palette is so recognisable; the curtains and the beds are used in many different ways so everything is explored at its full potential.

He is on stage basically all the time for more than two hours (sometimes twice a day, can you imagine?). Also barefoot and in his pajamas from start to finish, he looks like a teddy bear you just want to hug and protect.

He bows, looks at Nye's achievements, then leaves the stage.

Standing ovation, applause. I go back to the theatre lobby, I was supposed to wait for my sister, but she's late. Meanwhile, a fan asks me how to get to the Stage Door. I start too fear that I'm going to miss my chance if I keep waiting inside, so I decide to go on my own. After no more than 5 minutes, he's outside with us. Forget Nye, I am living my fever dream. He has just finished his second show of the day and yet he's smiling and listening to each and every one, signing and taking pictures. I know many have said this, but he really is an angel.

My sister arrives, and as soon as I'm sure she has the camera ready, I make my way to him. The two girls next to me who were speaking to him needed a pen and I lent them my sharpie, so I got my chance to look generous in front of him.

And suddently it was my turn. This is as much as my scrambled mind allows me to remember: I tell him I'm Francesca and I'm from Italy, he asks me how long I am going to stay, I confess that I had arrived that morning and just to see him, that I would be leaving already the following morning. I can't even focus while he's signing my programme, I just want to find the right words. I manage to say how I enjoyed seeing his passion, all these different sides of him and how watching him sing and dance has been the highlight of my evening. We take a picture together, I feel his hand on my shoulder and I realise my arm is around the waist of this person I love. I had to thank him again, telling him that he only deserves good things and that we are so lucky to have him. He wishes me a safe trip home, and I melt. I leave and I can't stop trembling. On my way back to the hotel I hold on tight to my signed programme and the sharpie that was in his hands just moments earlier. Only later I will realise that he's also written 'Ciao!', 'love' and 'X', without me asking for it or anything! Seeing him act live was a big gift already, but what followed outside was beyond my dreams. I can't look at the photos without blushing, the way he looks at me in the video and then also strokes my arm for a moment, I mean pinch me now.

The more I think about it, the more I can't believe it happened.

I want to thank everyone that under my first post pushed me and encouraged me to see the pros of doing this, I share this beautiful moment of my life with all of you. <3

[rotdistressxox]

Scenario: Date Night with the Papas ♡

!Nsfw! No smut, just some very intimate details.

Primo / Papa Emeritus I

• A letter appears under your office door. Curiously, you pick it up and look at the wax seal. It was a very ornate 'P' on it, so the sender basically revealed himself.

• You slice it open with a letter opener and read:

"My Dearest (Reader)

I know I've been gone for quite some time due to my presence being requested at another ministry. Every second I'm away from you only makes me yearn for you more. When I get back, I would like to treat you to the finest delicacies I've come accross while staying overseas. Be ready as soon as I get back. By the time you read this, I will be arriving in a few days. I look forward to seeing you soon,

Your Beloved Papa Emeritus I"

• You dance around with the letter, giving it a big smooch and putting in your priority drawer. Time to shop for a date night outfit!

• The day comes and you're all fancied up for him. Perfume put skillfully where it should be. You were R-E-A-D-Y.

• A knock raps at the door. Primo. You adjust yourself properly before he opens the door, singing your name.

• "My love" He grabs your waist tenderly and plants a kiss on your cheek. "I wish to savor you longer, but we do have plans. Let us leave". You nod, respecting his urgency. You hang onto his arm as you head to the ministry's more private dining area.

• The evening was spent with him telling you about his travels, sharing playful glances, and eating good food. Primo was one to pay attention to details. Especially food. There had to be some form of aphrodisiacs to give the mood some romance. Even though your love for him and his for you, was unmatched.

• There was nothing that could truly rival the part of the day when your longings reached its peak.

• "Have you missed me that much?" He says as the two of you walk the quiet, candlelit corridors to his room. You hum as his hand rubs your hips. "Tonight, I shall make up for that"

• As soon as his door closes, you two were on eachother like magnets. Barely making it to the bed. Kisses turned into passionate gazes while he gracefully stripped your clothes off, savoring you like he wanted to before. His long hair tickling your bare skin.

• "Ti penso ogni notte e giorno" he said into your lips. Moments like this was when he felt in his prime again. As a man of his age, he saved all of his strength to pleasure you. Taking you to the hilt as he worships every detail.

• His lovemaking always exceeded expectations. It was worth it to long for him every night.

Secondo / Papa Emeritus II

• It was your 2 year anniversary with Secondo.

• Initially, you told him you could plan something. But he was adamant about doing it himself and would suprise you.

• You didn't know what to expect, but Secondo was never one to disappoint.

• He takes you in a limousine to an undisclosed location. He's not in his usual robes, instead dawning a blazer, button up, and dress pants. Something was definitely different about what was going to happen.

• As he opens the door for you, you stand infront of downward staircase which lead to an underground nightclubs. Commonly used by the Papas to have more of their personal rituals in. This should be fun.

• After a few drinks, Secondo and you were certainly the life of the party. Dancing with no room left for Jesus. Bodies flush together as his thigh was pressed between your legs. The music was slow yet full of emotion.

• Tonight, there was nobody else but you on his mind.

• "Sei sexy" he whispered in your ear. "Mi ecciti...mi fai impazzire" his gloved hands guided your hips to move in sync with his. "I would take you right here and now in a heart beat if I could" his voice so sultry it made your knees weak.

• You've learned some Italian, so now was as good of a time as ever to use it to your advantage. "Cattivo papa~" you looked into his eyes while sliding your hands up his chest.

• He tilted his head back slightly and groaned. Hearing that come out of your mouth sent all the right reactions through his body.

• "I don't know if I can hold myself back any longer" he groped your rear roughly. His multi-colored eyes filled with carnal desire as the world around him disappeared.

• "Let's not waste any time then" You took him by the arm and left the club. He found it hard to keep his hands off of you whilst heading back in the limousine. Desperately kissing you, leaving you gasping for air as his mustache tickled your lip.

• The night was filled with never ending pleasure which lasted until morning. Making sure your body remembered every inch of his love. Bodies covered in sweat, and heartbeats slowing down. You and him fell asleep for the day.

Terzo / Papa Emeritus III

• Terzo had this day trip planned out for a while now. He made sure it fell on the right day on the right time. Tracked the weather just to make sure.

• He wanted to take you to a beach he frequented as a child. It would be perfect for a candle light picnic.

• Bought you two matching swimsuits just for the occasion. You quickly changed into it as Terzo was already wearing his half. As you step out of the changing tent, his eyes light up.

• "My lucifer. Antichrist. You look ravaging" he takes your hand and kisses up your arm. "Let's have fun today, sì?" You nodded.

• Most of the day you were walking hand in hand with him. Strolling as the waves hit your feet and the wind blew your hair. Until he dragged you into the water.

• He was an excellent swimmer despite his size. Showing off his skills as he swam around you and splashed water in your face.

• His arms wrapped around you as his chest pressed into yours. "Ready?" "Mhm". You take a deep breath as you and him submerge yourself under the water. You look at his hair weightless and floating in the water. The crystal blue waters surrounding you two as you sink and let your knees hit the sand.

• He had borrowed a breathing incantation spell from the library, with the help of the ghouls of course. You would be able to hold your breath longer whilst you were under the water.

• He lifts you up so that you stand on your feet. 'Trust me' he mouths. He couldn't speak underwater afterall.

• He shows you around all of the rock formations, fish swim past you nonchalantly as you are in complete awe of what your seeing. By this time, the both of you would have to come up for air soon.

• 'I love you' He mouths, pulling you into him. 'I love you, too' you push a few floating hairs out of his face. He smiles and presses his lips onto yours, closing his eyes. The both of you begin to float upwards as the kiss continues until you surface.

• Terzo dries you off with a towel as you lay back in a lounging chair. Drying your legs slowly as he has to leave a few kisses everytime he's done drying that spot in particular.

• "Did I ever tell you how beautiful you look in that bathing suit?" "Yes, I counted atleast 13" "Well did I ever tell you how amazing you'd look if you took it off slowly, and infront of me?"

Copia / Papa Emeritus IV

• Movie niiightt!!

• Gets the old popcorn machine from the basement to work so there's copious amounts of it for the both of you.

•Candy, sweets, drinks, anything you can name is laid out on the table.

• He has a specific system to how picking out movies would work. Your pick, his pick, your pick, then if there's time, the both of you decide on one.

• Since his room is very small and he doesn't really have a couch. He let's you sit on the bed while he sits on the floor. You rest your chin on his head while the movie begins to play.

• You almost ate all of the candy, just like he expected. The first movie was just ending and there was at least a few more to get through. Exhaling, you burrow you nose into his shoulder.

• He smells more fragrant than usual. He definitely has some cologne on. You sigh as you lightly massage his scalp. It didn't seem to bother him as his eyes were still glued to the screen.

• Your fingers trace down his neck to his shoulders. Kneading his shoulders gently. He let's out some small groans as he tilts his head to the side.

• "You're a little tense, hm?" He hums. Your fingers squeeze a little tighter, making him bite his lip. "You need to have better posture when working, Copia" your voice sends a shiver down his spine.

• "I know" he closes his eyes. Your lips trace down his neck, and his gloved hands visibly grip his sweatpants. "Easy easy. Just focus on the movie" "But-" "Focus"

• He tries his best to keep his eyes opened as your hands knead into his shoulder muscles. He thought it the worst had passed, but when you finally found a sweet spot, he tossed his head back and covered his mouth.

• "Oh my, looks like the second movie is just gonna have to wait" You sat yourself on his lap, back facing him as your hips pressed against him. "Me next"

• He eagerly felt up your back, rubbing circles tenderly until he found the most sensitive place and began to move his fingers more skillfully in that area.

• "Copiaaa" you whine as he gets rougher. "What's wrong, I thought you asked for this?" He stopped and pulled you in so that your back was pressed against his torso. "Too much?" He grabbed your hips and planted them firmly on his crotch. "Or not enough?"

[genericpuff]

bit out of nowhere but LO Hades reminds me so much to Bojack Horseman idk how to explain it

Oh we've talked about this extensively in the ULO chat circles n such, especially when it comes to the most climactic scene in the show, the second interview:

The entire tone of the show showcases a very bitter reality with a lot of celebrities and people in power. There are some messed up things that happen throughout the course of the show, but they always feel like they're being used for comedy or brushed under the rug with comedy, because the show is, after all, a comedy. But I feel like that was the point, because it's not until the final season that everything that happened throughout finally catches up to Bojack, and suddenly... it's not funny anymore. There's no punchline. It really reflects just how much people in power don't see their abuse or wrongdoings as "big deals", sometimes they even see it as "just some funny thing that happened", all while the onlookers and victims of their behavior and abuse either become so acquainted with it they don't even see it as abuse anymore until they finally break away from it (Diana, Todd, Princess Caroline, etc.) OR they fight to be heard while the media tries to snuff them out. So then when the consequences finally catch up to them, there are no laughs to be heard, as much as the perpetrator in question may try their best to pass it off as "not a big deal" or believe they shouldn't be held accountable because "it happened a long time ago".

Anyone who sees Biscuits Braxby as the villain here is missing the overall point - Bojack has been responsible for literally ruining people's lives on several occasions, and has never been held accountable.

And yeah, I see a lot of that in LO as well, but the issue is the framing of the story isn't making it clear if it's actually going to have its "Come to Jesus" moment with Hades and Persephone, or if it's just gonna keep celebrating them as the heroes.

There were no consequences for Hades pulling out Alex's eye. They played the resolution out for comedy.

There were no consequences for Persephone turning Minthe into a mint plant. They played the scenario out for comedy literally by the end of the very same episode and then well into the next one.

There were no consequences for Persephone cornering Tori at his job. The entire thing was played up for comedy.

There were no consequences for Persephone raiding Leuce's home. She was rewarded with sex from Hades and it was, you guessed it, played up for comedy.

Just like with Bojack Horseman, we don't see Hades or Persephone treat these situations as seriously as they ought to. They ultimately don't care how other people feel or how they may be affected by their own actions, they only care about themselves. Just like with Bojack, we see Hades enter sexual relationships with women who are in a much weaker position than him, women who stand to lose far more than he would if the relationship went south.

(I need you all to realize that Hades is literally blackmailing her. He is trying to pay her off with a management position or some kind of severance and framing it in such a way to manipulate her into thinking it's 'better' for her that she take the deal, all for the sake of getting her out of the picture because he's with Persephone now. This is blackmail. And the narrative wants us to root for Hades here.)

Shit, I would argue Bojack is still a better character than Hades and Persephone because we 1.) see how the consequences of his actions do affect him on a deeper level (through his anxiety and self-hatred which he spends a long time wallowing in, making his situation worse, rather than seeking help for) and 2.) he actually does eventually start to seek help, but unfortunately there's only so much one person can do to fix themselves when their actions still haven't been brought to justice and their mindset hasn't truly changed; which is what we see in the final part of the show when, despite Bojack's attempts to be a better person, the Sarah-Lynn case catches up to him, and in his final moments up on that stage with Biscuits Braxby, we see his true nature come out - he thinks being an addict should absolve him from what he's done to others.

Sounds familiar, doesn't it? Except replace "addict" with "traumatized" as many of Persephone and Hades' actions are swept under the rug with "they went through trauma so it's fine". Despite the fact that other characters who have also been through trauma aren't given that same grace (Thanatos, Demeter, Minthe, etc.)

You could also go a step further and call out how the fans themselves will defend their actions as "but they're gods!!! gods were terrible all the time in the myths!" but isn't it funny how myth accuracy only ever comes up when it comes to defending Hades and Persephone? Meanwhile you'll never see anyone bring it up when it comes to Apollo SA'ing Persephone, or Hades having an emotional affair with Persephone, or any of the other number of things that Rachel rewrote for her 'retelling'. It's not funny haha, it's funny yikes.

I can only imagine how the fans feel seeing Hades and Persephone called out must be similar to how first-time viewers like myself felt seeing Bojack be put on the cross by Biscuits Braxby - "you're being an asshole, he's working on himself!" "leave him alone!!!" "the media is making a monster out of him!" "he's really not THAT bad!"

But he is. They are. And unlike Bojack Horseman, I unfortunately can no longer have the good faith in believing Hades and Persephone will have their comeuppance, or the people they've hurt will get their retribution. I have no hope that Persephone will see that she's the Sarah-Lynn of the relationship, a girl who was groomed into an abuser at the hands of an abuser, who had no chance of doing better because the person she fell for pulled her down to his level. I don't have any faith in Rachel whatsoever that she'll manage to end this story with any message besides "it's fine for Persephone and Hades to be who they are, because they're rich and powerful and really horny for each other!"

And Hades doesn't think he has any power over women.

[sepublic]

The Owl House's Ending Anniversary...

So it's officially been one whole year since The Owl House ended.

One year ago, I wondered how I would move on. How I would keep going. But I also knew I would, no matter what, because time keeps going on. Things will eventually pass, they always do, that's how so many moments and days for me have gone. Even entire periods of my life.

So I'm not surprised how things have gone on since then; I still had plenty more things to say about TOH, and I still love it just as I have. I've gotten new hyperfixations, and even returned to old ones as some of you can see with recent posts, so it's only a matter of time before TOH circles back again.

And man does it feel so slow, only to feel so brief, it really feels like this anniversary has snuck up on and surprised me! And once again, we have some other, appropriate event lined up; A solar eclipse on this anniversary! Luckily there's no sigils nor coven heads gathered to make me worry. But dang, it was raining in Connecticut when Luz returned there, and it was the rebirth of Jesus when Luz was resurrected.

Makes me wonder if anyone of the Boiling Isles, justifiably, has had PTSD from solar eclipses, and dreaded any that showed up, despite knowing it couldn't happen again. People must've held their breaths the entire time during the first eclipse, panicked at even the slightest fatigue, and then it passed and they realized it really was impermanent and over. And that there was another step towards moving on, which I guess I can relate to now, though this is something I'm much less happy to see gone.

I think a lot about how TOH has influenced both me and my writing, how I approach characters and stories now. I've found myself gravitating more and more towards personal, character-driven stories and situations now. I still have a bit of a taste for grander-scale stuff, but TOH was special for me in that it feels like the first time I really got and understood a show and its characters from the ground-up as I experienced it all in real time. The first time I truly grasped themes and character arcs and could make reasoned predictions based on those, some of which came true! It really feels like THE big start of my media literacy in a way?

It's been fun looking back at TOH as a 'whole' work more or less to reevaluate, and learning other things behind-the-scenes about the show. We've had a few more livestreams and stuff confirmed. Dana's done more drawings, including on her Patreon.

I haven't been writing as much TOH stuff lately, and tbf I've already said soooo much. I might have other, new things to say later down the line, and I do have a few thoughts I've written in notes that maybe could be fully-fledged posts in their own right. I've found comparisons to protagonists of other media, like Miles Morales, or Arin from Ninjago.

The Owl House still is and will probably always be something truly special to me; It feels like my first real fandom experience. My first time understanding and learning a show, appreciating it as it develops and even as I speculate. It broadened my tastes and horizons, my ability to participate with others in stuff.

I miss it; I miss new episodes, new developments. I'm still agonized over things that could've been, things I would've loved to see more of. I'm apprehensive over whether we'll get that Raeda prequel because I don't wanna get my hopes up. Plus Dana needs a well-deserved break and is trying and experimenting with new, different things. And I get that.

It's bittersweet, it's scary, it's freeing, it's sad, it's happy. I've gone so far, this show and fandom has gone so far. And it'll keep going, it has to, time keeps marching on. Luz had to lose her father Manny, process that, but still keep going and must be surprised looking back how much she's adjusted since then, how much she's still grown and gained and learned, while still holding him dear; The same applies for the Titan and the magic she once wielded. With grief and acceptance being a core theme in this show, I'm not surprised that it prepped up the viewers to do the same, and now we have.

And you know what? I'm gonna keep going on, like Luz Noceda, possibly my favorite protagonist of all time, one of the greats and a huge inspiration now for how I really want to write and focus on my own protagonists, too. I'm gonna keep doing this like it never ended. The rate and frequency might fluctuate, but every now and then I'll have things to say, and stuff to drop by and check, such as with the tag and the occasional trending post, others' reblogs, and so forth.

So again, thanks to Dana and the crew. Thanks to Luz Noceda, Eda Clawthorne, King Clawthorne, and the other many, many characters! Luz's story is one where it feels like the show really is about her at its core and wraps around to her, and I want to do a story one day that accomplishes the same feeling. And as I see how Dana has been inspired by past influences, I can't help but look forward to future generations and stories that will themselves have been inspired by The Owl House, I know I've been already, retroactively applying it to things that were already fairly compatible to begin with, and really needed the fresh breath of new inspiration.

I'm repeating a lot of the same things I've said last year. Will I say the same stuff another whole year from now? I'll see. But until next time... BBBBYYYYYYEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

[too-antigonish]

The Classical Music of Ride, Part I: Mozart’s Requiem

You can’t trust anything or anyone in Ride. People aren’t who they seem to be. Every action, every event is just a cover for something else.

Is Morse one of the idle rich? An Oxford drop-out? A taxi-driver's son from Lincolnshire? A man who’s just finished a prison sentence? A policeman?

Long post....

Is Bixby the filthy rich head of a gambling empire? Is he just a front for Harry Rose’s criminal empire? Is he Charlie Greel looking to win back Cathy or Joss Bixby looking to seduce Kay? Is he even himself or is he his hidden, evil twin Conrad?

Are the denizens of Lake Silence really Morse’s friends—sheltering him after the storm of Blenheim Vale and prison? Or are they a bunch of dysfunctional philanderers and addicts? Even worse, are they suspects? Criminals?

Using Mozart’s Requiem in this episode must have absolutely delighted the music staff because while a great part of its fame and mystique rests on the sheer accumulation of stories and legends that have grown up around it, almost none of those tales can be proven—and all of them have been challenged at some point. You really don't know what's real and what's not—right down to the music itself.

Was the anonymous “stranger cloaked in gray” who gave him the commission the only sponsor Mozart ever saw? Or did he  at some point become aware  that the Count, Franz von Walsegg, was paying for the work? Some people today are shocked to hear that Walsegg planned to pass off the Requiem as his own work—as a tribute composed in memory of his dead wife—but that was a fairly common practice for the aristocracy of the time. It was considered slightly shady, but the proper thing to do was to just politely nod and go along with it.

Did Mozart, his mind disturbed by illness in his final days, truly come to believe that he had been poisoned and that he was writing the requiem mass for his own funeral? Or was that tantalizingly dramatic detail added by his widow Constanze to drive up sales of the score after the his death? The couple was catastrophically bad at managing money and when her husband died, the widowed Constanze was left with massive debts and two small children. She needed to maximize any possible source of revenue. 

Her story certainly captured the public imagination. Pushkin took that little tidbit about writing his own funeral mass and wrote a very short but thought-provoking  play in which he cast Mozart’s contemporary Salieri as the envious poisoner and Mozart himself as a childish, spoiled, and petty genius. Peter Shaffer later adapted Pushkin’s work into the play, and later film, Amadeus. A surprising number of people today believe Amadeus to be not the work of imaginative fiction that it is, but rather a completely factual story of Mozart’s life and death.

Mozart worked on the Requiem up to the day he died at the age of only 35. It was the last piece he worked on. Most scholars believe the manuscript we have contains not only the last music he ever composed but possibly the last words he ever wrote.

As far as authorship is concerned, we know for certain that Mozart himself completed “in skeleton” the Introit, the Kyrie, and almost all of the Sequentia (Dies irae, Tuba mirum, Rex tremendae, Recordare, Confutatis). The last portion of the Sequentia, the Lacrimosa, was completed was the up through the first 8 bars.

The last words that he actually wrote were "Quam olim da capo” — which instructed the musicians to repeat the "Quam olim" fugue of the Domine Jesu from the beginning. In yet another mysterious twist to the story of the Requiem, these actual last words were stolen—quite literally by tearing them from the manuscript—while the score was displayed at the 1958 World’s Fair in Brussels. They are still missing.

We are certain about the authorship of parts because we have the autograph manuscripts—the music in Mozart’s very own hand. The big question, however, has always been, how much the the rest of the Requiem can we consider his? The parts that were completed “in skeleton” basically had all of the “important” notes in place. Things missing include details like doubled parts that could fairly easily be extrapolated from what he had written. 

In order for Constanze to receive her money from Walsegg, however, she needed to make it appear that Mozart had completed the work entirely or almost entirely himself before his death. Not only would this ensure full payment from Walsegg, it would also promote sales of the score to the public later. A work written by Mozart alone would far out-sell a work written by Mozart and “Mr. Competent-But-Lesser-Known-Composer.”

Today we know that at least two of Mozart’s students were involved in finishing the piece, with the majority of the work being done by Franz Süssmayr. What we don’t know, however, is how much of the completed work is purely theirs and how much came from Mozart’s notes and verbal instructions.

Some versions of the story indicate that Mozart gave detailed deathbed instructions and left many “little scraps” of paper with details of how to complete the composition. Other versions claim that this talk of “little scraps” is simply more of Constanze’s effort to maximize Mozart’s contributions and minimize those of others.

Regardless, we know that the completed Requiem was eventually sent (with Mozart’s counterfeited signature!) to Count Walsegg and dated 1792—which is rather odd in retrospect given that it was well-known that Mozart had died on 5 December 1791. It's always been yet another mystery.

The two excerpts used in Ride are the Lacrimosa, during the opening titles and establishing scenes, and the Confutatis, which Morse is listening to on his record player as he splits wood outside the lakeside dacha.

The Latin text of the first reads:

Lacrimosa dies illa, Qua resurget ex favílla Iudicandus homo reus: Huic ergo parce, Deus:

The equivalent translation (i.e. not the one used at mass, but a more literal translation) is: 

Tearful [will be] that day, on which from the glowing embers will arise the guilty man who is to be judged: Then spare him, O God.

So Ride starts with tears and guilt.

I’ve always found it interesting that this text doesn’t even try to claim innocence, instead it very clearly asks that the guilty be shown mercy. 

The Latin text of the second reads:

Confutatis maledictis, Flammis acribus addictis, Voca me cum benedictis.

The equivalent translation is: 

Once the cursed have been silenced, sentenced to acrid flames, Call me, with the blessed.

This text always strikes me as coming almost from a child’s point of view. Basically one interpretation is, “Come and get me once you’ve taken care of all the bad guys.” I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions as to how that might apply to Morse post-Blenheim Vale and prison.

Next week: The Classical Music of Ride, Part II: Rigoletto or “Why keeping a person’s entire existence a secret leads to Bad Things.”

Special Bonus Section!!!

Parts of Mozart’s Requiem used in Endeavour: 

Dies irae: completed by Mozart in skeleton* S4E4: Harvest (~2 min) (~3 min)

Rex tremendae: completed by Mozart in skeleton* S9E3: Exeunt(~1 h 11 min)(~1 h 11 min)

Confutatis: completed by Mozart in skeleton* S3E1: Ride (~5 min)

Lacrimosa: completed by Mozart in skeleton* through measure no. 8 S2E3: Sway (~0 min)(~1 hr 24 min); S3:E1 Ride (~1 min)

Lux aeterna: Not in Mozart’s MS; however Süssmayr reuses the Requiem aeternam written by Mozart almost note-for-note with just the different text S9E3: Exeunt (~31 min)

*skeleton: means full vocal and continuo parts, notes for prominent orchestral parts and musical bridges

[momentsbeforemass]

Get the message

There’s always…something.

No matter what’s going on in our lives, there is always something to make us worry. Something for us to be anxious about.

It’s going to happen. We’re going to worry, we’re going to be anxious. Sometimes we’re even going to be afraid.

While it feels like that’s sort of an order of escalation (we start with worry then go to anxiety and finally to fear), it’s actually the other way around.

Fear is a God-given emotion. It’s a warning, alerting us to danger – real or perceived. Anxiety is what you and I feel when we’re responding to the emotion of fear. And worry? Worry is the thought loop that returns again and again, increasing our anxiety and making whatever we’re afraid of more powerful than it should be.

By itself, there’s nothing wrong with fear. Fear is like pain. It’s there to tell you something’s wrong.

Like when you break your leg. The pain is there to tell you something’s wrong with your leg. To tell you to get help. Our response to the pain of a broken leg? We get help.

We use the pain for its purpose – as a messenger, telling us to get help. Other than that, we don’t focus on the pain, or how it makes us feel.

Not that it doesn’t hurt. But we’re focused on the part that matters, the message of the pain – get help for the broken leg.

Whether it’s pain or fear, the problem comes when you and I miss the message. And get lost in our thoughts and emotions, worrying about how it’s making us feel – instead of listening to what it’s trying to tell us.

This is the point Jesus is making in today’s Gospel, where He’s in a boat with the disciples. Jesus is asleep when a storm comes up. The disciples’ first response? Fear.

It’s a violent storm. The boat is starting to be swamped by the waves. Their fear makes perfect sense.

Where things go wrong, what Jesus chides them for, is what they do with that fear.

They let their fear work on them. They get lost in our thoughts and emotions. Until their anxiety rises, their worry takes over and they are terrified.

Only then – when they are terrified, when they are truly desperate – do they think to get help. At long last turning to the One who has been right there with them the whole time.

Jesus’ response as He calms the storm? “Why are you terrified, O you of little faith?”

Whether He calms the storm or He holds us close while it rages, in 2,000 years, Jesus’ response to you and me and to our fears hasn’t changed. 

No matter what you’re afraid of, Jesus is telling you the same thing He told the disciples.

“Why are you wasting your time being terrified? The moment you get the message from your fear, come to Me. I’m right here to help you.”  

Today’s Readings

[nylwnder]

yours

a/n: I MISS HIM YOU GUYS I FUCKING MISS HIM SO FUCKING MUCH LIKE WDYM WE CANT HAVE BENNY CABER AND HIM???? WHAT DO YOU MEANNNNN

pairing: luke schenn x fem!reader

warnings: SMUT, yet never actually having p in v because he's literally a tease, possessiveness, oral (f receiving), fingering, technically exhibitionism, pool party, willy being willy

word count: 2.8k

taglist: @shoot-the-puck, @11livpangburn , @domi-max , @boqvistsbabe , @sweetiet , @p1tstop , @occasionallyaurora , @laurenairay, @fallinallincurls, @andrea9

series masterpost

the sun has been glaring since the early morning rise. although the weather network cannot confirm this, you are highly convinced any skin that reached the bright rays of light when you woke up were subject to a burn straight from the pits of hell.

you might have been overreacting, but that’s truly how this weather made you feel. summer was certainly not your favourite season for this exact reason — and the bugs, which were also very much present on this boiling day.

luke on the other hand, thought it was a gorgeous morning to go for a run. you kissed him extra passionately before he left in fear he might melt before he could even turn back to the house.

while he was gone, you were eyeing the pool luke had added in the backyard. your body was craving a dip into water.

you had let the water submerge you around the middle of the pool for a bit before heading to the side to float against the walls. you had brought out a cocktail for yourself and had it set beside you on top of the cement ground as you had music playing in the background from a tiny speaker.

schenner came back not too long after, stripping himself from his clothes the minute he saw where you were. your head was thrown back and your eyes were closed. so when luke jumped into the pool you were sincerely startled by the splash.

“jesus christ luke, you're gonna give me a heart attack!”

“im sorry, love. just wanted to accompany you.”

you smile at the sight of his grin. that stupidly attractive grin.

you roll your eyes at him and let him give you a kiss. afterwards, luke did a few swimming strokes to cool down his body temperature as well. he comes back over to you as you watched him. he reaches over for the drink to your left and takes the last sip.

you didn't really pay mind to your stolen beverage, as your eyes were focused on his mouth. that being said, you wanted to stay out here with him so you offered to go inside and make more.

“come back here.” luke says, grabbing your hips and pulling you back down to him.

“we have to keep ourselves hydrated, remember.” you said, even though you know alcohol isn't on the preferred list of liquid resources. you allowed yourself to wrap your arms around his neck.

he smiles, “yeah but you’re all i need right now.” he says, giving you a few kisses. you give in, letting yourself hang beside him and talk about whatever comes up.

“its actually great weather for a barbecue today,” you began, letting your fingers play with the water around his hands as you spoke. “why don’t we invite the group over? i'm craving a buffet feast, to be honest.”

“yeah, sure! that’s a good idea, i don't mind a little seasoned steak.” he said with a smile.

you return the smile. “sounds good. i'll call them over.”

you made the move to get out of the pool before luke pulls you back to him again. “i need to get something out of the way first.” he says, grabbing the back of your neck to bring you into a kiss.

your lips curved into a smile before a playful shriek erupted out of you as luke had brought you out of the water to sit on the ground above.

he was quick to discard your bikini bottom, and bring you right to the edge of the pool. your breath hitched at the back of your throat as his face began to inch closer and closer to your core as he laid lingering kisses on your thighs. his hovering breath caused a shiver down your spine. ironic considering how hot it is outside.

once his mouth attached to his desired target you couldn't help but let out a loud moan. nobody could run you to an orgasm, in any way, like luke can. your clit throbbed against his tongue.

his tongue made quick work over you. flicking and sucking at your clit before lapping at your hole as he groaned at the taste of you. his nose bumped deliciously into your nub and you bit your lip and threw yourself back. “look at me sexy, wanna see that gorgeous face.” he says, his lip grazing your bundle of nerves.

you prop yourself up with your elbows to watch him. your body was tensing within minutes, thighs attempting to close around luke’s head as deep pleasure curled in your stomach.

he let out a low groan when you pushed his head further into you in an attempt to roll your hips. you were trying your best to chase the orgasm that was only minutes away. schenner teased your bud with his teeth and kept his lips wrapped around it in order to suck hard. that was merely enough to have you unravelling directly into his mouth.

“now you can call them.” luke says, grinning.

your chest was heaving as he got out of the pool to sit beside you. “give me a minute—” he kisses your head with a snicker as you try your best to regulate your breath. “fuck” you mumbled.

—

“you’ve got some competition to hold up to.” mitch says as he enters the door. you couldn't help but laugh.

“oh yeah?” luke responds. mitch nodded, “i've had some preeeeeetty fun pool parties myself so… we’ll see,” the goofball grins, holding an inflated beach ball in his arms, as he walks away and steph shakes her head at her husband-to-be.

the rest of the couples began to arrive as well as solo players, and some adorable pups. john was kind enough to bring some extra meat for the barbecue with others bringing appetisers, drinks and sides besides the ones you were already preparing in the kitchen.

luke began firing up the grill with ryan and john as willy picked at the appetisers you were placing on a plate to take out. the rest of the group outside were already mingling with each other.

“did you not have breakfast?” you asked humorously as you watched how the boy in front of you was basically salivating at the food around the two of you. just like the two pups beside him.

“i did eat something… but it wasn't really edible-” he began before giving you a giggle, “you know...”

you scoffed before sharing the snicker with him. you slapped him on the arm playfully.

“help me take them out, you manwhore.” you joked. he laughed, “mm love, you don’t even know.”

you rolled your eyes. but you found william funny for that exact reason. he’s confident with himself and not shy to talk about anything with the people he finds himself comfortable with. despite all that, he is a really kind man and you appreciated his well-roundedness.

“haven't had a good home cooked meal in a min. i’m eating good tonight.” auston said as he stood in front of the starters. the group also crowded over the available food quickly.

“yeah cause all he gets is take out.” mitch chirped.

“that's how much we love you, bud.” luke joked, making them all snicker.

everyone entertained themselves with the many different apps and cocktails available. some were eating in the pool with inflatable food trays in front of them, with the delicious smell of the cooking meat engulfing their noses.

that being said, the barbecue only produced more heat and it wasn’t long before you began to feel suffocated again. “screw this” you spoke, unzipping your shorts and yanking them down.

“wheeeewwwww take it off!!!!” amber brodie yelled to you from the pool.

you giggled as you unbuttoned the shirt that you had borrowed from luke. taking it off slowly from your shoulders to play into the joke. you were now displaying the lacy bikini that schenner had gifted you in the beginning of summer.

the girls howled and cheered making the dogs bark with them. most of the boys laughing shyly as luke watched with a grin. ryan pats his mate on the back in praise.

“now that's a beautiful woman right there!” one of the girls exclaimed.

you do a quick pose before jumping into the pool. respectfully splashing everyone around you. that being said, luke’s grin began to halter as willy’s eyes started to linger.

you sat beside william in the hopes to catch some of the last snacks he was hostaging. as well as to cuddle with pablo, who was licking willy’s face like his life depended on it. “kept them just for you!” he spoke. “we would be having problems if you didn't.” you said, smirking as you snatched the slider he had in his hand.

the more you stayed in the pool and the more games the group played in the water, the more your boyfriend's eyes burned a hole on the back of willy’s head.

william’s touches were respectful and innocent around your torso or hip. he never moved up, he never moved down, and he never gripped more than he should have. you thought nothing much of it. but his giggling energy and flirty tones around you weren't luke’s favourite sights.

once the meat was ready to be served, declared by jt, william grabbed your arm to help you out of the pool, catching you as your foot nearly slipped on the puddle above. “careful!” he uttered. “oh my hero!” you dramatically declared. the blonde laughs, “seems like those margaritas are starting to hit.” you both giggled. luke was quick to call you over.

you were starving and your stomach felt like it was waiting years for the grilling to complete. but luke grabbed your hand and asked if you wanted to go grab more plates. you nodded, realising you didn't bring nearly enough out.

when you made it to the kitchen you were pulled away from the cabinet by the strings of your bikini bottom. “luke!” you exclaimed as he hid you behind the long and decently tall island.

“what do you want? i'm hungry!!!!” you whined, your body trapped in by his arms. his jaw was clenched, his body tense and his eyes dark.

you know exactly what's got him mad. “honey, you know how he is. that’s just him, he’s a touchy boy! he does it to you all the time too!” you said, reasoning with him as your hands topped his forearms.

his eyes are looking up and out to the backyard and back to you. you turn around to see a blonde quick to turn away. luke isn’t threatened, certainly not, as he knows he can work you better than anyone in every way possible, both sexually and not. that being said, luke isn’t having any of this flirtiness and you should've known there's no reasoning with him. he's possessive, ever since he got his eyes on you. you're his. and god forbid if anyone was thinking about you the way he does. so you're not surprised you're met with silence.

nevertheless, you wouldn't say you didn't like him like this. no. in fact, he was even more cunning in this mood.

his body towered over you and kept you in his hold. his eyes firm on you once again, his hands are quick to part your underwear, ever so gently pushing his finger in your entrance. you bite your lip but you keep eye contact with him.

“luke, luke please,”

“hmm?”

his two fingers slip in easily and pump a bit, but before you could make a response he slips a third and your legs are quick to buck just a bit. his arms grip you tight but you lean into his chest to mask your moan.

his fingers pump in and out of you swiftly, taking no time to curl them against your already wet walls. you kept biting your lips to mask your sounds, in hopes everyone was entertained outside and no one was anywhere inside the house.

luke didn't care. he just wants to hear you crumble in front of him.

“you’re taking my fingers so well, can feel you squeezing them.”

you only mewl in response. your head thrown back.

“you wanna cum, pumpkin?” he asks, his other hand squeezing your hip tightly.

you mentally rolled your eyes at him. he always says it in a mischievous tone and you couldn't help but accept the pet name with open arms. only he could call you pumpkin.

“wanna cum so bad”

“yeah? who do you belong to?”

a sound escaped your mouth as your legs wobbled and your mind more focused on your upcoming orgasm.

“who’s gonna make you cum tonight, tomorrow, and every other day, baby girl?” he asks you, firm in your ear as his fingers caress your breasts before he pinches one of your buds.

“you. only you.”

he hums.

you look up at his eyes, your mouth already agape. “im yours luke. fucking yours.” you stated. internally begging for him to touch your clit as he watched you closely. he waited to, although he was pleased with your words and your scrunched face as he switched his finger movements.

and as the good man luke is, he catches your open lips to bring you into a kiss while he finishes you off by tracing harsh shapes on your clit.

he puts you up on the counter to help your legs gain back their strength after your climax waved over you.

“how about we send everyone home now? i think we still need to talk about this issue some more” you uttered with a whiny tone.

he snickered at you. “i thought you said you’re hungry” your stomach responded to his words before you could. “fine” you huffed, even though your core was agonising for anything but food. he has basically foreplayed you all day.

your fingers are still gripping his hair as his gaze traced your face. you looked beautiful. lips pink and puffy from his own mouth. eyes glossy and sparkly and your hair perfectly framing your flushed cheeks. he smiles and you smile with him. you soften your hands and let him pull you back down to the ground. “will you leave him alone now” you suggest.

“we’ll see.” he says, with a smirk. you couldn't help but smile again.

you both bring out more plates just like luke had mentioned. although bunting noticed the delay and didn't hesitate to mention it.

“where the fuck were those plates? down under?” he uttered, his tone light, of course. as he walked beside you, your eyes darted to him, your glare sharp as you understood what he was technically trying to refer to.

he giggled at your face. “don't worry. nobody saw.”

“and you better not have too.” he shrugged in response but before you could do anything, you were called over by schenner to pick what you wanted to eat.

you sat around with the others and talked like you didn't just cum on the fingers luke is currently sucking sauce off of. and he had nothing but a grin plastered on his face as you dazed off looking at him.

not too long after a selection of desserts were served, the dogs began begging with puppy eyes for their own pieces, a trap in which most of you fell into.

you only found it fair that they had to cuddle you in return. so you sat on the ground letting banksy sit in your lap while pablo jumped on you in order to give your cheeks as many kisses as possible.

luke sat at the table watching you, a smile on his face. willy came to sit beside him. “pablo doesn't do that with just anyone.” willy said, taking a sip of his drink.

“i’ve noticed” luke said with a light chuckle. he took a swig of his own beer as they both continued watching you.

“you have a great girl, man.” the blonde said, patting luke on the shoulder. “pablo clearly agrees.”

luke smiles, turning to look at his teammate's kind demeanour. he knows he doesn't mean any harm, he's not tone dead. but luke doesn't mind making sure people know that you’re with him, and that you are his at the end of the night.

“thanks kid. she really is perfect.” luke said, returning the pat.

“of course!”

—

ryan helped build a fire as the sky began surrendering to the moon. the group that remained circled around it. you had gone to grab another cookie before luke called for you to sit in his lap with his hand. you pressed a kiss to his alcohol stained lips.

william sat beside the two of you and you subconsciously began to give your boyfriend reassuring squeezes on his stirn arm. other times interlacing fingers as you let your body sink deep into his. his arm was wrapped tight around your waist.

that being said, you agreed that the conversation was not over and in fact you sincerely think he needs to solidify who you belong to. in lots of different positions. for as long as the two of you can go.

[ enjoyed reading? join my taglist! : click here <3 ]

[gisele-gisubizo]

Dear Beloved,

If there’s something to be unashamed of—something to take true pride in—it’s knowing Christ. I used to think differently, but now, if only I could wear a banner saying, “Oh, how I love Jesus…”

I’ve been thinking about how I can help spread the message of Jesus—how He’s good, kind, loving, and gentle at heart. At first, I was confused about how to go about it, but then the Spirit whispered to me, “social media,” and I thought, “Waiiiittt… really?” So here I am, telling you how good God is, how He can transform your life, take you to places you never imagined, and fill you with fulfillment you didn’t know was possible.

Dear beloved, knowing God isn’t just for the elderly or those burdened with life; it’s for anyone who’s fortunate enough to be breathing. He’s the missing piece you keep searching for in the wrong places. He’s the peace and happiness you pursue earnestly, but often in the wrong direction.

I’m here to tell you that heaven awaits, and it won’t be complete without you. You matter far more than you realize. For you, the Father would leave everything behind in search of you, so don’t take yourself lightly. Come home—He’s waiting for you.

This is the story of how I found my way back home.

Where should I start? Okay, let’s begin with the part where we first met. It was on a particularly bad day, and I decided to follow my sister to church—not because I felt like praying, but because I needed something to occupy my mind for the rest of the day.

I noticed a guy around my age, though he seemed a bit older, preaching about the gospel. As I sat there, not really paying attention, something he said caught my ear. I started to listen closely, and I was amazed, wondering how someone my age could know so much about Christ.

Mind you, I was a Christian, but I realize now that if anyone had dared to ask me if I prayed, my answer would’ve been, “My mom prays” (as if that was enough, haha).

The next day, while talking with some boy at church, he said something that struck me deeply: “For some people, life never changes—only the years do.”

Those words hit hard. They at least prompted me to make a simple prayer that would change my life: “God, I know You can—please change my life.”

And that’s how, for the first time, I met Jesus and my life indeed, changed.

"Something about the name Jesus… la la la…" That’s the song that always comes to mind whenever I think about Him. During my transition, the first things I noticed were peace and joy—e dey flow. I used to be the worrying, judgmental, anxious, and quick-to-anger type, but trust me, I can’t tell you exactly when or how that changed. I don’t know if it took days or months.

It’s never easy, so don’t push yourself too hard. It’s not you but Him working within you. The first thing the Spirit led me to do was read the Bible daily. What surprised me most was that, although I had been reading the Bible since I was a kid, this felt entirely different. It was like things had only ever been on the surface, never deep. Even words everyone seemed to know by heart, like "Jesus loves me," felt new and overwhelming to me.

This made me even more interested. I joined a church and started enjoying gospel songs, which was a journey on its own because I didn’t know any of them. This is when I realized I wasn’t truly a Christian before—I was only Christian by name.

The journey is still ongoing, and even if it’s just a single step at a time, I will make it as long as I don’t stop or go backward. Following Jesus is a choice you make every day.

It's never too late to come home. In our Father’s house, everything you've ever longed for is there, given freely because it’s His joy to lavish us with good things. He’s not just a Father; He’s a friend, a brother—He’s everything to those who know Him. He’s been there since the beginning, and He knew you first. No, it wasn’t your mother—it was Him.

Why pay a high cost for something He offers freely? I wouldn’t, and you don’t have to either. Come home. Don’t walk—run. Heaven is waiting for you.

[rappaccini]

arcane act ii

controversial opinion: oh this isn't good its just pretty to look at

ok yeah the time jump is not good. so many important things happen that we're only catching the tail end of.

speeding past the adoption of jinx as a symbol. speeding past the firelights realizing ekko is missing. jinx goes from suicidal and self serving to Joan of Arc in one week. ?????

the sequences with different animation styles were cool... would prefer more character work. (why is this giving me what-btsv-will-look-like vibes? why does it feel like that's what they'll do-- jam in a ton of pretty-looking scenes while failing to wrap up all their loose ends and relying on fanservice to get emotional moments)

ambessa having no real strong reaction to mel being missing... no that doesn't work.

mel being stuck in the shadow realm... good on her for not being fridged yet but look idk wtf is going on there. secret lineage plotline included. if we got one hint of her being connected to any of this in s1 i coulda dug it but it truly reads like the writers threw her this out of nowhere plotline bc they didn't know what to do with her after deciding she'd survive the blast. i'm at the point where i'm like. maybe she should have died bc literally nothing would change except a slight amount of political maneuvering.

jayce... well him shooting vik was fun but idk man.

viktor becoming jesus felt about right. hate that sky's trapped in his brain forever. HATE the 'fridged woman haunting the guy who killed her to make him vaguely guilty' trope. free her.

ambessa and caitlyn's mentorship is still great. kinda want them to kiss too.

salo seeking viktor out was a great idea. wish we could have SEEN IT instead of the aftermath.

the whole scene with the sisters' mom and silco and vander... no actually i dislike how all of a sudden everyone is related to everyone. zaun doesn't feel like a city anymore it feels like a tiny town. also it doesn't click at all with how silco doesn't give a fuck about vi.

zaun in general feels so empty without silco or ekko to articulate its needs. piltover's reeling post-jinxbomb felt adequately established but zaun's... nothing. just vague shapeless chaos in a music video. even the zaun v piltover conflict feels limp. i feel like this is largely because, again, the major zaunite political players are dead or in the fucking spiderverse. and jinx is off babysitting instead of being the avatar of zaun's anger and desperation, and finding a new sense of purpose post-silco in owning her terrorist attack and riding that wave into being the face of the zaunite faction. insane to me how fucking isha just swept in and derailed that entire trajectory because i guess jinx just wants to play house.

okay so jinx's psychosis being so backseated in act i wasn't because she was drained emotionally and suicidal and is genuinely bc the writers are yoinking her mental illness back to make her more likable. hate that!

this warwick thing... i like the way it brings the sisters back together but i hate the conceit of 'hey that traumatic death that shaped you and everyone in our society? didn't happen!'

also idk the reconciliation sure didn't take long. the antipathy between jinx and vi's been built up for years, so it really feels disappointing that just like that they're cool again. hanging out like it's nothing. okay.

also get jinx jr the fuck out of the group hug.

isha has no personality. no flaws. no interests. no lines??? she's just there to be cute and sweet. such a downgrade from how the kid characters were handled in arcane i.

she truly just feels like a plot device to make jinx heroic and sympathetic. instead of the audience and vi empathizing with jinx for her own sake, it's because she's just so darn nice to this sweet kid. fuck off.

her entire death felt so... ugh to me. i'm not sad because i care i'm sad because someone's holding onions under my eyes and playing a sad song in my ear, not because this feels earned in any way. just comparing this to milo/clogger or silco is laughable.

cait sure turned on a dime. nvm her arc sucks now.

... so where the hell's ekko. why has he gotten benched in the spiderverse all season when his reactions to learning that silco died, watching the war break out, the zaunite power vacuum and people deserting the firelights for jinx and viktor could have been So Interesting. what a waste.

yeah you can absolutely sense that while s1 was labored on for years, s2 was rushed and had to condense a ton of story. riot sacrificed arcane so they could get the rest of their lolcu going and it shows!

[samkerrworshipper]

This is ungodly long and I’m so sorry in advance 😭 I’m also ridiculous late sending you this, but I still thought you deserved to hear it.

I was initially a little hesitant about reading “beautiful girl”, just because I’m not really a Leah/Jordan reader usually, but I adore your works so I figured I would give it a try!

RIGHT from the first three paragraphs of the first part, I already was ready to cry. I knew this was going to seriously test my emotions in the best way (and I did end up being correct!)

“Babies learnt to self soothe by being left to cry, teenagers learnt to self soothe through pain” like nope I can’t deal, you absolutely knocked it out of the park with that 😭

R’s whole thought process in the first chapter is equal parts heartbreaking and fascinating at the same time. The way you chronically the descent into a deeper addiction is SO well done, having her go from getting high at night to doing it during the day, and how that all spirals within the span of just a few paragraphs needs to be STUDIED!

“Hoping the patting [of the towel] would somehow strip the pain that was painted across your skin, it didn’t” from part two my LORDDD. The whole conversation between r and Jordan in that part is genuinely so heartbreaking. It’s clear that Jordan still loves her daughter, but everything has just fallen apart to the point where it doesn’t feel like it can be fixed. R being unable to see Jordan’s care because of the fact that she’s completely fallen through the cracks, on top of having this huge mental spiral is perfect into continuing to introduce the reader into the story.

Leah finding out about the weed in part three, and r’s kinda trying to deny but not really had my interest piqued. As though she kind of wants Leah to find out about it, a cry for help, even if she’s not admitting it to herself in the narrative SO fascinating. How you write addiction is so raw and poignant because you don’t shy away from the difficult shit, you simply leave it to fester further and further and the story is so charged and has so much more emotion because of it.

“It took you back to a time when you’d made Leah check under your bed everynight for the monsters under your bed, now though she was looking for the monsters in your head, the monsters that had turned her little perfect girl into whatever you were now” I WAS GAGGED I don’t even have words I…like I truly don’t know what to say other than I’m obsessed with these one liners you’re dropping like bombs throughout the story!

Listening to so long London during part four was quite possibly too much for me to bear? And then I listened to it as I read the rest and I was like what if I’m just ready to end it all? Right now?

Maya’s relationship with r is incredibly twisted and convoluted especially in part four, really showcasing this idea of love even in the worst forms. The way that she completely invalidates r’s fears and pressures her while r still manages to cling to this idea that Maya does love her is so artfully constructed. Its clear Maya is so deeply engrossed in all of this her entire perspective on life is flipped around (including her perception of love), and it’s both incredibly sad for her personally while still very dangerous for r. The theme of love in this is so strong and I was continually intrigued as I read to see how you choose to discuss love, both overall and from r’s perspective specifically.

I DONT THINK I CAN EVER SAY ENOUGH GOOD THINGS ABOUT PART FOUR ISTG 😭 The speech r gives to Leah and Jordan over the phone? The whole praise aspect of it that r has been craving for SO long, and the explanation about how the breakup was the catalyst for all of this? The TOY analogy at the end? Jesus fucking Christ what a knife to the heart.

Also I’m sorry I shouldn’t have laughed at “miss dump and run awakens” but the thought of a nurse actually saying that to a first time patient had me choking on my water 😭

The beginning of part five is so aching, the way r is still trying to run, has worked herself down to feeling nothing but panic and fear?And then Leah and Jordan come in and they just want her to be okay and are so worried about her? But still the fact that r feels as though she has to perform in order to be worthy of this love absolutely broke me. As I said before, your portrayal of addiction is amazing and so easily digestible, despite how heavy the topic is.

“Love to you, was a privilege, not something that everyone had extra of” 😀😀😀😀

The moment of shift in the conversation r has with Leah toward the end of part 5 is pulled off PERFECTLY, the dialogue between them back and forth is genuinely done so well. Your ability to write this mix of dialogue interspersed with r’s thoughts is executed masterfully, and leaves the story feeling whole and complete in the best way possible, even as you drag our hearts through unimaginable pain (it’s just too good not to read though 😫)

Part six is just…so fucking healing. Genuinely, again with the interspersing of dialogue with what has been happening the two month break is complete perfection. Even in just a single chapter you show this immense progress, the stopping of poor habits and thoughts and the shift toward something healthier, but still raw and real. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, but it’s progress above all else.

The call back throughout the story of “beautiful girl” and really just the use of the word “beautiful” is a perfect motif, and every single time I saw it used I was like “YES!” because you knew exactly where to put it! This awesome balance of not adding it in there too much, but allowing it to ground the story when necessary.

Anyways…this is ridiculously long and I’m so sorry, but I couldn’t find it in me to delete any of it! Even if I’m a little late I wanted to be sure to let you know that I’m a big, big fan, and I wanted to thank you so much for writing it! Absolutely fabulous work as per usual for you 🩵

AHHH THIS MADE ME SO HAPPY

you’ve read like every part of my mind lol

i still have so much love for that series, it was my whole heart and soul for like two weeks and literally all i thought about and if i could i would write a hundred parts to it

this has actually made my day so much better and you are the sweetest and i love you and oh my gosh

[mymxnfgh]

Can i request for a dg or james x reader?

Where the reader is basically a better version of eugene who is on james's side and brings powerful allies on his side. The reader is a simp or big fan of his since their high school days and thinks he can do no wrong (the reader stops him if he ever do something too wrong that could get him in trouble)

James also have a soft spot for the reader since their high school days and has been always protecting her from bullies, weirdos, and even his fans! (Can their relationship be open like its not a secret and everyone knows of it)

I saw this requested to someone else and liked this idea a lot😋

Thank you for your precious time!❤️

Awww that’s such a cute idea! Tysm for the ask! I will try my best! 💖💕

James Lee/DG xReader (Highschool sweethearts)

"DG...! What have you been doing ?" you sigh as you look at the pink haired man with worried eyes.

"Nothing, really..." he shrugs avoiding your gaze

Seeing how you weren't really convinced by that he tries to reassure you: "No need to be worried!".

A sigh once again escapes your lips, as you shake your head not knowing what to do with him.

"Don't go off fighting so many people again, you're not James Lee anymore but DG, the Kpop Idol! Seriously..."

" I'll keep that in mind..."

It was true. Once the infamous first generation legend, now a popular rising star in the Entertainment industy. You've known him since his highschool days and accompanied him until now, you could count yourself as one of the -if not the most- closest people to him.

Yet you still have little to no idea as to what is going on in his head...he's just that unpredictable.

"You must've had a rough day I shouldn't be scolding you right immediately after you come home, should I?"

"Well I did meet someone interesting today. Daniel Park..." he grins

Jesus, that smile could melt thousands of hearts, especially the heart of a fan, and you were one of his fans. One of his biggest fans.

"Daniel Park? Isn't he still a high school student? Oh but then again you were also pretty different in high school, huh?"

"I was..."

"But not anymore so get some rest! You have a fan meeting later..."

"I do? How annoying..."

"Come on. Don't be like that! Your popularity has been rising a lot and you're extremely popular with female fans! Shouldn't you be happy?"

"..."

The look he gave you was a slight pout and he looked somewhat hurt.

"...fine whatever"

"Hmph what's with your attitude? Remember not to be late!"

︴

"DG! DG! OH MY GOD I'M A BIG FAN"

"DG! Sir! Do you have anything to say about-...?! What´s you'r opinion on -..."

It was noisy. Really noisy. You liked DG a lot but being close to him also meant a lot of publiv attention. Attention you don't need nor want.

"Miss! Is it true, that the two of you are dating?!"

Not this again.

"Excuse me... it is true, but I don't really feel comfortable with-"

Another reporter interrupted you, once again asking a bunch of questions.

DG seemed unfazed by all the chaos though. He always remained calm and rarely lost his composure.

"She isn't comfortable with answering your questions so please be a little more respectful. "

Wow... had it been any other Idol they'd gotten into big trouble but it was DG. You had to admit that he was truly amazing.

"How did you two get together?! Who fell for who first!!" the questions just kept piling up

"I-...well..." all this attention on you was a bit much. It's always like this, whenever DG made any public appearances.

Knowing how the questions bothered you, he shifted his body in front of you, blocking you from the reporters while smiling politely.

"I fell first, I confessed first, (Y/N) was a fan but we've known each other since highschool. This should be enough, right?"

That was a lie. You confessed first, but it was true that you've known each other since highschool. As for who fell first...

︴

Nighttime was always very relaxing. Away from all the noise and chaos. Lying in DGs arms and listening to his peaceful breath as his chest slowly rises up and down.

A few rays of moonlight fall through the curtain, highlighting his beautiful features.

"Say...did you really fall for me first?"

"...? What a stupid question. Is that really important?"

"Quit teasing me. It is important!"

"I don't see why that should matter"

"Well... I just wanted to know" you look away slightly embarssed

A soft chuckle.

"Pfft... Well if you really want to know~ I fell for you that time when we were together in the library"

"Oh...that time..."

︴

"No, no you got it all wrong...again!"

You rarely saw James Lee, the model student lose his composure. But that wasn't a surprise either, after all he's been tutoring you for more than 5 hours now and you're still at the first exercise.

He sighed as he gently rubbed his temples

"It's not that hard, look you just have to..."

You weren't listening at all. And who could blame you? Honestly he was just too attractive that hardly anyone would be able to focus in his presence!

"...it's not that hard is it?"

"What...? I-...I'm sorry"

"You didn't get it? For the 78th time now..."

"No that's not it..." Gosh he looked good even when he was annoyed.

"Then what is it?" He clicks his tongue, revealing his sharp little fangs.

"Is the question too hard? Or was the explanation not good enough? It shouldn't be like this"

No...it's just that he was "...too damn handsome!"

"Excuse me?"

"I... I mean..."

Damn. Did you just say that out loud?

"You-…you know you're good looking..."

"And that's the reason why you can't focus?"

There was a hint of mockery in his voice but you couldn't care less about that.

"mhm and what about it?“

"Well then let's stop for today...it seems like I’m not a suitable tutor for you"

You were a perceptive person and although he seemed annoyed as he was packing his stuff you notice something peculiar.

His ears were red as a tomato. And although he said he wasn't a "suitable tutor" he still continued to help you with your school-work everyday, and with a little more patience from that day on.

︴

"Haha so that explains why..."

"Explains why what?"

Explains why he would be especially patient with you, why he would be a bit kinder to you and why his ears were always of a crimson color.

"Nothing haha you're just really...adorable"

His face lights up in surprise, gently raising an eyebrow.

"...let's go to sleep now"

He turns his back toward you and once again, behind his seemingly annoyed demeanor you're able to catch a glimpse of his fiery red ears.

Alright~ I hope that wasn't too OOC haha DG is a really interesting character but i’m not too familiar with him so I wasn’t really sure with how to write him 😅 But I did have lots of fun writing this! Thank you so much once again for requesting this!💕💖💗

[boogiewrites]

Seeing Stars Pt. 20

Star pulls away from Eddie and everyone notices what poor shape she's in. It only escalates when Star receives news that devastates her. The heightened emotions and opposing views of the situation lead Eddie to feel hopeful while Star is as low as she's ever been. This leads to a conversation that neither was ready to truly have.

CW: (I'm sorry.) Discussions of former abuse, gaslighting, etc. Poor self-image inner monologue. Verbal argument with yelling.

Part 1 if you missed it!

Star had managed to put some space between her and Eddie. The cost of the self-imposed whipping of sorts caused her to be constantly exhausted. She picked up more shifts or worked longer hours. She studied and hung out with Robin and Steve. She spent one night a week with Eddie, down from almost every night they’d slowly worked up to.

She hated herself, she was depressed and it showed. Everyone around her saw it and she brushed it off. The circles under her eyes and poor posture were dead giveaways. She never did her hair or makeup and wore all dark colors despite spring being on the horizon. Eddie had noticed of course but was giving her space. Ever since Valentine's Day, she’d been distant. He suspected she might’ve remembered what happened after she was no longer puking her guts out. But she never said anything. He never asked. They kept their movie nights, she’d fall asleep on him on the couch and he’d carry her to bed. It was the only night they both slept well anymore.

Star had broken herself. She’d mixed up sugar and salt and ruined an entire batch of dough at work. Her boss told her to go home. Even they saw how tired and frazzled she was and looked at her with pity.

She went to Family Video before going home.

“Muppets again?” Robin asked.

“It’s my comfort movie,” Star mumbled.

“How much comfort are you needing? I thought you rented it a lot before but the past month you’ve gotten it once a week.” Steve interjected.

“I need a lot.” was her dead-eyed response.

“You okay?” Robin asked with a wince.

“No, not really. Not in a kill-myself way though. More in the never-ending emotional and spiritual crisis so I have to constantly distract myself so I don't have a thought or I’ll cry so much I’ll throw up.” She said it so casually, leaning on the countertop.

“Jesus Star,” Steve whispered.

“I’m being honest.” She shrugged.

“Aren’t you already seeing a shrink?” Steve said tilting his head.

“Yep. They’re tired of my shit.” She laughed and rubbed her face. “I’m tired of my shit. Everyone is. So I’m better off alone. Which is why I’m going home after getting booted from work for being a dumb ass and watching my stupid little movie with its stupid little puppets.”

“You got fired?” Steve moved up the edge of the counter.

“No, no. I messed up a big batch of dough because I’m too tired to focus and they asked me to go home. Said they could tell I was tired. It was fine. I think.”

“I don’t think you’re fine.”

“I’m baseline.”

“You sound crazy.”

“I mean I’m not anything I’m not okay or good or fine I’m just-“ she held her hands out. “Here.”

“Did Eddie give you something too strong I will kick his ass if he did?” Steve whispered.

“No this is just me depressed. Leave Eddie out of it.” She muttered and both her friends knew exactly what the problem was.

“Did he do something?”

“No. He’s great. I’m the asshole.” She said with no hint of joking.

“Ohhh.” They both nodded in unison.

“Did you fuck it up?” Robin asked with a wrinkled nose. Star did always appreciate Robin's forward nature.

“I don’t think so no. I’m just.” She let out a sigh. “I don’t want to talk about it. I’m having a lot of feelings that I’m not equipped to deal with yet.”

“Uh-huh.” Steve had a knowing grin. “I knew it would happen eventually.”

“Shut up.” Star snatched her bag off the counter.

“Somebody’s in love.”

“Somebody’s making me wonder if I could get out of a murder charge.” She glared.

“So what? You fell in love with Eddie. Go for it, you’re both stupid for each other. Just let the guy in.” He insisted.

“I think she’s trying and can’t,” Robin cut into Steve’s light-hearted advice. “That’s what ‘a lot of feelings I’m not equipped to deal with’ means right?”

“I don’t like that you two are secret geniuses that can read me like this.” She whispered leaning over with a finger on the counter.

“We aren’t geniuses, dingus.” Robin smiled.

“Yeah, we’re just your friends. Friends notice this stuff.” Star blinked for a moment and in her fragile state, the words made her heart feel the weight of them. They saw her bottom lip pout out and quiver.

“Oh god, what?” Robin panicked and pushed away.

“You are my friends.” She said as tears rose and fell fast.

“Oh geez,” Steve mumbled and hopped over the counter. “You know we’re your friends you… big crybaby.” He hugged her.

“Not helping.” Robin shook her head.

“She’s exhausted, she’s worked herself up in her head about her feelings and she’s run away from them until they’ve caught up to her.” He pats her back. “I’ve been there. Go smoke and sleep. Get a full night's rest. Drink some water. Eat. You’ll feel better.”

“I need an exorcism,” Star said from his chest and it made them all smile.

“If you go home and rest and tomorrow you still feel like you need an exorcist I’ll get you one. Deal?”

“A young priest and an old priest.” Robin chuckled.

“Fine.” She grumbled. “Deal.”

-

Star knew to an extent Steve was right. She went home, downed the tallest glass she had of water, then ate leftovers. She smoked, had some tea, and a sleeping pill, and the next thing she knew it was 12 hours later.

So Steve was right. So what?

She did feel better. Not great but at least she wasn’t falling apart at the seams. She wasn’t filled with jitters and doom. She could think about Eddie without wanting to cry which was a great start. She lazed, deservedly so. She flipped through her neglected journal, the air thick with gray from tea, incense, and weed. She landed on the last pencil drawing of Eddie she’d done. She traced her fingers over his goofy expression. She loved how expressive his face was. She loved the smile lines and dimples, the crow's feet that appeared when he smiled big or laughed. She sat back in a nest of pillows and sighed. Being in love felt amazing. She loved how warm and fuzzy she felt when she thought about him or was near him.

She’d never felt a positive emotion so intense before. She didn’t know she could. The thought of losing it froze her with fear. She imagined being with him and it made her feel selfish. Would she put her life on pause for his? Could she put someone’s needs before her own? Could she take care of him like she thought he deserved? She was in a common predicament of being so afraid of losing something that she never tried to have it in the first place. That fear of failure, of disappointment, of her showing him her truth and him telling her one day it’s not good enough. He'd wisen up and see she wasn’t a good person, that she wasn’t good enough for him. The idea that she’d try and fail threatened her. Because then her ex would be right. Then what else was he right about if he was right about that?

She felt like a fraud waiting to be found out. Like the person she’d become while in Hawkins wasn’t truly her. She was fooling everyone. Somehow she’d gotten so good at pretending to not be a selfish immature whore that she’d convinced herself of it too. The big feelings came back. She took some deep breaths and a deep drag. A knock on her door startled her out of her hazy nest. She stared at the door in silence like it might tell her something. She didn’t move, only sat up crossed-legged.

“Hey? Star?” She’d know the voice anywhere. She hadn’t expected him, she thought he had band practice today.

“Eddie?” She asked as if she didn’t know. “You can come in.” She quickly followed up. He looked in carefully at first as if he expected something unpleasant. But she was there with still damp hair in a robe in a nest of pillows. “Don’t you have band practice?”

“Gareth sprained his wrist and Jeff dislocated his finger this week trying to reenact a match from Wrestlemania.” He shook his head. “So they’re out of commission.”

“That’ll do it.” She mused with pressed lips.

“I thought I might come to see you instead.” He fully walked into the trailer, not making the move to get comfortable just yet.

“Yeah, that’s fine. I wasn’t doing much.” She closed her journal and sat it to the side.

“How are you feeling?” He asked taking off his coat. Star squinted his eyes at him. He looked back at her while rubbing the back of his neck. A sign of nervousness.

“Why?”

“You just seemed like you’ve not been doing that great lately?” He half shrugged and tentatively approached her.

“Did Steve-?”

“Yeah, Steve called me.” He admitted with a huff.

“And what did Steve say?” She inquired leaning with her elbows to her knees.

“That you came to see him at the store and you were acting out of it and looked like shit and almost got fired.” He chuckled because he assumed Steve was being a touch dramatic. He did like to weave a big story.

“Good to have honest friends.” She sighed.

“What happened?”

“I ran myself ragged running from my problems and I hit a wall. I mixed sugar and salt up and ruined the dough. Boss sent me home and told me to rest. I think it’s fine. I was just running on empty.”

“You seem… okay? Better now?”

“I slept for 12 hours.” She smacked her lips together.

“That will help almost anything. You don’t have the dark circles as bad anymore.”

“They were that bad huh?”

“Steve might’ve called me to come to check on you but you have been… different the past month or so. I feel like I barely see you and you’re always working.”

“That’d be because I have been.”

“Are you okay?” Genuine interest as he put his hand on her knee.

“No and yes. I’m just an idiot.” She laughed at herself. “I used to do hard drugs and go out and sleep with strangers to run from my problems before and I don’t do that anymore so I don’t know how to deal with myself. So I’m overwhelmed and my brain won’t shut the hell up. Like ever. And I’m anxious and depressed and I feel like my therapist hates me right now.”

“That’s… a lot.” He didn’t know how to respond. “I mean it’s good you’re not-hard drugs? Wait what?”

“Yeah. I did coke when things got really bad.” She admitted with an apologetic baring of her teeth. “There were a few months where I went a little off the rails.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah, it was shit. Bullshit.” She clarified with a nod. “Just plants for me now.” She handed him the bowl next to her bed and he took a hit.

“Well, I’m glad you stopped. And you’re just a lazy stoner now.”

“Me too.” They shared a sympathetic smile for a moment.

“Is there anything I can help you with? I mean you sound like you’ve got a lot going on. You can talk to me about anything. You know that right?”

“I know.” She looked away and it made his curiosity grow. “I don’t want to talk about it. I think about it constantly I’d like to take the thoughts out of my head, not working them over more.” She put her fingers to her temples.

“If you need to- want to talk I mean. I'm here. You can.” He reassured her.

“Thanks.” She met his eyes again. “You’re very sweet.”

“Don’t tell anyone.” He whispered and it made her smile. “I feel like a shitty friend. I wanna help but I don’t know what to do.”

“Nothing you can do, hun. Unless you can turn my brain off.”

“That sounds like a weird way of saying kill someone.” He blurted out the intrusive thought.

“It does. Creative.” She chuckled, relieved she could still smile and laugh. Of course, he’d be the one that could force it out of her.

“Well, what do you mean turn it off?”

“I want my racing thoughts to stop. I don’t wanna be so focused on my bullshit that upsets me. I’ve not taken care of myself properly. I’ve not cooked or cleaned or even… taken care of myself.” She admitted with slumped shoulders. “Hell. In any sense of the word.” She rolled her eyes. Eddie chewed his lip, eyes in unintentional puppy mode as he thought about how to help.

“Turn your brain off…” he muttered. “Distraction. Right?”

“Movies don’t work. I’ve tried. Not even the muppets can save me.”

“Okay, so no movies.” He chuckled and tried again. “I’m assuming smoking…?”

“Helps sometimes but then sometimes it makes me focus on it too much.” He frowned but not at her, he was feeling useless. “I don’t mean to shoot your ideas down I’ve just already tried them. I need like- Clockwork Orange tied down and eyes pried open level shit.” She laughed. Eddie’s head perked up.

“We can do that.” He said as if it were a normal Response.

“I wasn’t serious, dude.”

“I’m not gonna pry your eyes open but I can certainly tie you down.” The tone shift in his voice was ever so subtle.

“Are you talking about what I think you are?”

“Depends on what you’re thinking?”

“It always turns to sex with us doesn’t it?” She sighed and didn’t know how she felt about the statement.

“You have to admit it’s a hell of a distraction.” He offered in confidence.

“I’ve not been able to get my mind in the right headspace for it.”

“I like to think I know how to help with that.” he shrugged, sensing her hesitation.

“You do. But my mind’s not in it right now.” she shook her head, and he could see the remnants of circles still under her eyes as she looked away at nothing in particular.

“Sex doesn’t work as a distraction like it used to?”

“I slept with strangers. It didn’t mean anything back then.” she paused, her voice quiet. “So, no.” a sigh followed. Eddie’s chin pushed back into his neck, a giveaway he was uncertain and his mind was processing. Eddie was afraid of the picture he was piecing together in his head of what was wrong. He was slowly convincing himself that it was what he’d been preoccupied with as well. Except he wasn’t hesitant at all. He was ready. More than willing to talk about it. But he could practically feel the wall she’d built around herself again, the same as she’d had when he met her.

“Then how about-” he started with gumption and no idea who he’d finish, hoping something miraculous would come to him as he spoke. But it didn’t. He frowned, slumping back and putting his hands in his lap.

“I know,” she said with the same sadness. “I’m not trying to be a dick. I’m still trying to be honest. Right now that means that nothing can help me but myself.”

“Do you want me to leave?” the tone made Star’s chest ache for him. She finally met his eyes, finding them just as heartbreaking. She wanted him around, desperately. He wasn’t the problem. She was. And she saw she was dismissing him and his enthusiasm just like every other asshole had. So she reached out to take his hand, he looked at it and felt relieved.

“No.” she shook her head confidently. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should just try a movie. I haven’t today. Since I slept maybe it’d be a good time to try again.”

“You have something here you wanna watch?” he perked up, still hesitant but sliding his fingers between hers.

“How about you pick?”

“You sure?”

“Surprise me.”

So they settled in her bed, Eddie behind and her by his side. He only let his arm fall over her side, sometimes he’d hold her hand, lacing fingers together or mindless tracing along her skin. He was gentle and present. That’s what she needed. She silently cried, hiding away from his eyes a few times watching his ringed, larger hands caress her own. She saw how perfectly they laced together. How despite the callouses she found the scratch comforting. Because it was distinctly Eddie. It was getting late, they’d popped in movie after movie. Star was fading fast, worn out from emotion.

“I need to be home when Wayne gets back tonight. Is that okay? Do you need me to stay?”

“It’s fine. I’ll be fine.”

“You sure?” he asked, leaning over to kiss her cheek.

“Promise.” she gave him a tired, soft smile.

“You need me to take you to school?”

“No, I’m good. Morning drives alone help me clear my head.”

“If you change your mind, call me. I don’t mind.” She smiled up at him like he was her world at that moment. Because he was. He saw the love in her eyes, he felt it in his bones.

“I know,” she whispered and touched his cheek. “I will if I need to. Don’t worry about me.”

“Impossible.” a pure affectionate peck to the lips was laid down on her before he moved to leave. They said goodnight without much fuss. He left her cozy in bed, hoping she’d seem better tomorrow at school.

Star took her cards from her bedside table. She was filled with dread. She figured she’d get insulted again. But she figured it was what she deserved.

“What am I gonna do about him?” she asked.

Death reversed was their answer.

She needed to change. That was clear. She sighed, accepting their take on things. She knew she needed to change, if only she didn’t feel so hopeless about her ability to.

-

Star had just pulled herself from bed. Her morning tea wasn’t even ready when Robbie knocked on her door.

“It’s me.” a greeting to distinguish him from Eddie. He didn’t want to be greeted by his sister naked or some other horror that would be burnt into his retinas.

“C’mon.” he heard from inside. He lugged his large body into the trailer, seeing her hair still a mess from sleep. She was barely awake.

“I’ve got bad news,” he stated flatly. He didn’t know how else to start this conversation. Star’s eyes moved the piece of paper in his hand. “I’m not good at this shit,” he mumbled, holding it up and looking at it.

“What is it?” she turned the stove burner off, her eyes already large and full of fear.

“Uh…” he took a deep breath and rubbed the back of his neck. “Pretty much the worst news you could get apart from someone you care about dying.” his face was apologetic, hard, and indifferent trying to prepare himself for what was about to happen. “You want me to read it or do you want to?” She held out her hand and took the paper, it shook as she turned it toward herself. He watched her face fall and it broke his heart to see it. The color drained from it visibility. She wobbled and let herself knock against the counter for support. The paper made an audible sound as it shook in her hand.

“Already?” her voice broke, it was small and terrified.

“Good behavior it says.” he elaborated, poised to catch her if she fell.

“It’s too soon,” she whispered, tears hot and silently falling. She said it only to force it into existence, the truth of it. She knew there would be no answers from Robbie.

“Read to the end,” he said stepping closer. She did so and felt a hiccup caught in her chest. She put the paper down, her eyes red and streaming, but her face remained untelling. She was in shock. “You can go and speak against it. He might not be granted it. It’s not a for sure thing.” he tried to help, he really did. But there was no help for something like this. All there was was to feel it.

“I have to go tell more fucking strangers about what he did to me?” Her face broke, the facade falling away as her lips trembled and her hands started to tremor. “I have to talk about it. Out loud to a row of fucking suits who don’t give a shit. A row of MEN. And tell them how the man that’s right in front of them... in front of ME -oh god I’ll have to see him. Fuck, he’ll see ME.” sobs took her over as she collapsed against the comfort of her older brother. He’d held her every time she’d cried about her ex up to this point. At least when it came to dealing with the legal aspect of it. Robbie wasn’t an emotional guy. He was no match for dealing with a baby sister with a broken heart, let alone a baby sister who had fought so hard and relieved so much horror to get the guy that did it put away. And now they’re saying they might let him out. For good behavior. Robbie shook his head, as angry as Star was hurt. There was no simple answer to this. This was going to be messy and terrible no matter how it ended.

-

Eddie felt shitty all morning. He hadn’t seen Star before class and he couldn’t see her car in the parking lot. He felt uneasy about it. She said she’d be there. A snap in front of his face drew him out of his low-browed concern.

“Dude. Hello?” Gareth waved exaggeratedly in his face next to him at the lunch table.

“Sorry,” he muttered, shaking his head.

“What’s up with you?” Dustin asked boldly. Eddie blinked, pausing before deciding how to answer that.

“You all would give me shit for it if I told you.” everyone was concerned now, seeing his face solemn and serious.

“All the more reason to tell us.” Mike grinned wide.

“Star’s not here. And she said she’d be here. I saw her last night and she seemed…okay enough. I can’t shake the feeling something’s wrong.”

“She’s been weird as hell lately, man. I’m sure it’s fine.” Gareth waves his hand to dismiss the worry.

“You think something’s wrong?” Dustin asked more seriously, zeroing in on Eddie.

“I don’t know how to explain it. And don’t fucking make fun of me for saying this but she and I have this… connection and we know when the other is not okay.”

“Awww.” Jeff teased. “Cute.”

“And you’re feeling that now?” Dustin ignored the light-hearted teasing, and so did Eddie.

“Yeah.” a quit nod, chewing the inside of his cheek.

“Then go?” Dustin stated obviously.

“Yeah?” Eddie perked up a bit a the support.

“Listen I don’t know what the hell I believe, but if she can find you when you’re getting beat up. I don’t think you knowing when something is wrong is that crazy.” he threw his hands up in exasperation for not knowing the answer to something.

“You’re right,” Eddie said immediately jumping into action. “I got sick if anyone asks. Not that anyone gives a shit.” he shrugged and shook his head, already walking away.

-

Eddie pulled up, a bit recklessly as the sight of Robbie on the stoop smoking wasn’t giving him any reason to feel relief.

“What happened?”

Robbie looked confused, his head turning at the wild-looking young man.

“Did she call you?” he asked.

“No. I just… she wasn’t at school and I felt something was wrong.” he shrugged, and Robbie saw in his face was just as lost as he was about that statement.

“She’s in the trailer. I don’t know if you wanna see her like this.”

“Robbie,” he stated, now mere steps away from the dauntingly sized man. “I’m in love with your sister. I want to see her no matter what’s going on,” he said with such conviction, fully with his chest that Robbie sat up straight at the effect the words had. Robbie nodded, taking another drag and his time. Proud of Eddie for saying it out loud. He hope he was right about it.

“It’s bad.” Robbie solemnly said with a nod, looking away.

“Did someone die?” Eddie was frazzled, his shoulders tense and up near his ears.

“You’ll need to calm down and gather yourself before you go in there. She’s a mess so you’ll need to be the strong one.”

“Who died?”

“No one. Unfortunately.” The hate for Bobby was clear in his voice.

“Oh no,” Eddie whispered, getting a feeling from his tone.

“Yeah. Him again.” Robbie was as mad as Eddie had ever seen him. Robbie was subtle, always. But a clear clench of jaw gave enough away. “We got a letter saying he was up for parole.”

“You’re fucking kidding me.” Eddie put his hand over his mouth in shock, his voice a rasp, rhetorical.

“For good behavior.” Robbie let out a rather chaotic laugh. A break in his calm exterior. “Imagine that.” he rolled his eyes and threw his head back.

“Will he come after her? Does he know where she is? Do we-?” a million questions, and all right pass through Eddie’s head as quickly as they fall out of his mouth. Robbie held up his hand to stop him.

“She can talk to the board at the hearing and tell them why he shouldn’t be released.”

“Shit.” he bent over, his hands on his knees. “This just keeps getting better.” he hung his head and let out a guttural groan of frustration.

“That’s what I thought too.” Robbie was flat again, eyes staring into the far treeline.

“Fuck she’s got to be…” he stood facing the trailer, hands to his cheeks.

“A train wreck,” Robbie said flatly, looking down at the cracked cement beneath him.

“I already couldn’t help her. She was already feeling bad. I don’t…” he shrugged, his arms slapping against his sides sloppily. “What do I fuckin’ do, man?” he was raw and honest, his face showing his frustration as he looked to Robbie for help.

“All you can do is be there.” he shook his head. “We’re helpless. Useless right now.” he sucked his teeth. “I’ve been through this before. In a way.” he shrugged subtly. “You listen. You hold her. You tell her you’ll be there for it all. That she’s not alone. That you’ll do anything you can to help. Because she knows it’s all on her. Again.” he put his hands over his face, feeling the threat of tears in his eyes. “Shit,” he whispered. “She doesn’t deserve to go through this again.” his head shook but his hands remained. “Just when she was starting to get her shit together.” he groaned, a tiny release of the hot anger he felt inside.

“I’ll stay with her.” Eddies voice was calm and quiet, knowing he had to be the one to keep it together for both of them right now. They’d been through enough.

“Yeah, go on kid.” Robbie motioned his head toward the trailer. “If you’re gonna be with her…” he sighed and lowered his hands. “Then this is your role now.”

“I know.” Eddie was still quiet, eyes moving but not focused. “I’ve got this.” he hyped himself up, a small jump and shake before making his way to her door. He could hear her crying. He put his hand to the door, pausing and swallowing. He closed his eyes, a deep breath to center himself. He opened the door and she was up against the wood that held her bed in place. Her Legs stretched out in front of her, her shoulders slumped as she stared at nothing, totally disconnected from anything around her.

“Is it already 3?” she asked once she registered someone had walked into her space. She blinked at Eddie slowly, as if she was moving in slow motion.

“No, sweetheart.” he kneeled on the floor with her. “When you didn’t show up for school I knew something was wrong. I felt it. So I came here.”

“It’s bad, Eddie.” She whispered, her voice hoarse from crying. She paused, her eyes eventually swinging to his.

“I know.” He took her hand. “Robbie told me.” he offered an outstretched arm and she took the invitation. Too weak to say no to one of the few people who could bring her any comfort right now. She crawled into his chest and he thumped against the counters, letting his legs stretch out and making room to hold her.

“Everything?” She asked after she settled, her head against his shoulder.

“The letter. Parole. Good behavior. You having to tell them why he shouldn’t be granted it.”

“Yeah.” Her voice was small. The lack of outburst was more worrisome than if she’d been screaming. It was quiet, her eyes would move every so often, mostly a dead stare ahead, unfocused.

“I know asking if you’re okay is a stupid question but how are you? You’re… not acting how I expected.” He confessed into her hair.

“How am I supposed to act?” She genuinely didn’t know.

“I… don’t know.” He admitted quietly, voice trailing off.

“I think I’m broken.” Her voice lacked the exuberance he loved. It was monotone, flat, lifeless.

“You know that’s not true.”

“I mean I think I’ve felt all the feelings I can in my life and I can't feel anything anymore.”

“That’s shock.” He explained with pursed lips.

“I cried and screamed a lot earlier.”

“That makes sense.”

“Now it’s like I don’t feel anything. But I do. I feel so much I can’t feel it anymore.”

“You’re probably exhausted.” He put his hand on her forehead to check to see if she was warm.

“I am.” She finally moved. A deep breath as she let her head sag. “I don’t know how much I’m supposed to take. I went through all the legal stuff and now I have to tell strange men who are being fooled just like I was that he’s a good guy about all the shit he did. When is it enough?”

“The system is fucked.“ he grumbled. “You are unfortunately a member of an oppressed group who has been thrown into the shit show of the American legal system. I have no good answers. It fucking sucks.” She felt his anger, heat from his chest into her hand. It oddly comforted her. “I can say I’m sorry. But it doesn’t fix it or help. It just really fucking sucks. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. You’re not the only one. Any woman who’s ever been brave enough to stand against her abuser is fucking crucified for what feels like entertainment and asked to do it over and over again. It’s bullshit. They won’t just fucking listen to you and believe you even when you’re bleeding and screaming.” She felt him hum and vibrate with anger and vengeance. He saw her eyes widen at his words. “Sorry, I’m just… I’m really angry and trying not to be because that doesn’t help you.”

“I don’t think there is any helping me.”

“I want to. So bad. I wanna fix it. I want this to go away for you. You know that right ?” His eyes were a bit desperate and Star found sanctuary in them. He put his hand on her cheek, a tickling exhale on her face as he put his forehead to hers.

“So do I.” She whispered. “I don’t know what to do, Eddie.” His chest held a dull ache for her.

“I do.” He pulled away, then kissed her forehead. “You’re going to go to that meeting. You’re gonna tell them the truth. You’ve been having a rehearsal for this in therapy for over a year right? You’ve got this. You’re gonna tell them the truth and they’re not going to let him out. And you can put it behind you and live your life again.”

“It’s not that simple.” Her lashes fluttered, touched by his conviction.

“It can be. It could be. This could be the period at the end of the sentence that’s been your healing. You can purge it all. Start over.” He was very convincing.

“I’ve done it before and it didn’t fix it.”

“You’ve done it before so you KNOW you can do it.” He saw the wheels turning, her face finally moving into readable expressions.

“I didn’t think about it like that.”

“You’re even better equipped this time. You’ve been able to have therapy about it. You did your first draft, right? The first time? You’ve edited now, with therapy. And now you have a better version this time.”

“I… guess so.” Her brow creased.

“I do.” He held her chin up before she could cower. “I know you can.”

“You do?”

“Bet my life on it.” He insisted with a push forward of his face. “I know you Star. You can do anything. You can do this.”

“I can?”

“You can.” He put his forehead to hers again in an affectionate touch. “I believe in you. You’ve gotta believe in yourself.”

“I need them to believe me.”

“They will.”

“You don’t know that.” He put his fingers to her lips.

“Someone very powerful once told me you don’t say what you’re afraid of out loud. You don’t give it power. You say what you want to happen out loud and it will. So I’m doing that. They’ll believe you and you’ll feel better for having done it. And it’ll help you move past it. And he’ll be put away for a long time again and you’ll be free.” He took one of her hands into his, pulling it to his chest.

“They’ll believe me.” She said softly, looking away. “He won’t get out.” He saw the lump in her throat bob. “It’s so scary up there alone.” Her eyes turned quickly to his, still scared.

“You won’t be alone. I’ll come with you. You won’t have to take the stand like before. It’s not as formal. I can be there with you. You want me there with you?”

“Would you?” He saw the hope flicker in her eyes.

“Of course, I would baby. Are you kidding?” His voice cracked with disbelief. “I might only be good for bad jokes to break the tension and a hand to hold but I'll be the best damn hand you’ve ever held.” Their smiles grew together, foreheads slowly meeting again as she let out a tiny sniffle.

“I’d like that.” She nodded, a shakey inhale as he mirrored her subtle enthusiasm.

“Yeah?” She felt a roll of her stomach in the way his eyes lit up for her.

“Yeah.” She gave him a closed mouth sad smile. But it was miles from where he expected her to be right now. “I need you with me.” She confessed with downturned eyes.

“Then I’ll be there.” He promised with a kiss to her cheek before pulling her into his chest and holding her tight. She felt relief at first, a weight lifted off her shoulders. Then, reality set in. She still had to do this.

She had a few weeks. She’d been aloof, in a different way than before. One that Eddie now understood. Star spent her time writing in a new journal. Purging everything bad memory she could think of of her nightmare relationship. She divulged this to Eddie, so he understood her not-so-chipper mood. She asked for space instead of being passive-aggressive about it. There was a weight of honesty to the situation now. But Star couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed.

She was sad, tired, and feeling embarrassed. Every bad thing he did that she added to the pages made her remember the things he’d drilled into her head. She saw how he’d manipulated her over time. She was faced with what he’d turned her into. A shadow of herself. She was different now. And she wasn’t entirely convinced it was a good difference. Her dreams were filled with Bobby. Hearing the things she still struggled to not believe about herself. She found herself finding proof of his words in her behavior. She saw her need for Eddie as selfish. Wondering if she was using him. She felt like a fraud waiting to be found out as she deep-dived into her trauma. She remembered who she was and the bad decisions she made. The names she’d called herself at her lowest felt like name badges she still wore but only covered with a bright sweater of bull shit she pretended to be now. She was still the sad scared little girl. She wasn’t a survivor she was a victim and always would be. She was fooling herself and everyone around her. Star was drowning in a pool of her own making.

Eddie was feeling hopeful. A light at the end of the tunnel is how he was looking at it. She would be able to put it behind her as she wrote in her journal and moved all those bad memories out of her head and onto paper. Love blinded him to the state Star was in. He thought of her as being in a cocoon stage. And she’d break out dramatically and be ready to start a new life. With him. To be so jaded, the follies of youth were heavy upon Eddie. He was in love. His rose-colored glasses made him not see just how deeply brainwashed and traumatized the object of his affections had been. This wasn’t a case of an ordinary drunk, violent abuser. Bruises were easier to heal than unseen damage. Star had been the victim of a groomer and a narcissist. Eddie didn’t know the depth of which this man tore Star down. But he would soon.

-

Steve’s lips were pressed together tightly. Too distracted to pretend to watch the movie. He clicked the large television off, a snap and buzz that snapped the guy next to him out of his disassociated stare.

Eddie’s eyes fluttered, dry from not blinking as he’d been entirely in his head. He turned to Steve with large eyes, looking across the couch they sat on together.

“What?” Was how he chose to ask why Steve randomly shut down the movie.

“Your leg hasn’t stopped bouncing this entire movie.” He stated with a snap, an exasperated arm out with the remote still in his hand towards Eddie's bare knee in his ripped denim. “And I’m pretty sure you’re gonna get my ass kicked when you get blood on my couch from picking your damn nails!” He crossed his arms in a huff.

“Shit,” Eddie muttered, looking down and putting his hands fully into his lap. “Sorry, man. I do it without thinking.” He looked at the irritated perimeters of his nail beds.

“I think that your thinking is exactly what the problem is.” Eddie blinked slowly, before lowering his head, his eyes still on Steve’s disapproving face.

“You think?” Eddie sarcastically answered.

“Let me help you, man. I give great advice if anyone would just listen to me.” He exclaimed wearily. “What’s got you all worked up?”

“Star,” Eddie answered plainly. “What else is new?”

“Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. Go on, Dr. Steve is in session now.”

“Dr. Steve?” Eddie snorted.

“Shut up and talk.” Steve snapped his fingers. Eddie laughed at the ironic choice of words. Steve was his funniest when he wasn’t trying.

“Fine.” Eddie groaned and slouched back into the couch. “She’s found herself being called back into enemy territory.”

“If you’re upset about D and D again man, I’m gonna lose it. You can’t STAY mad about a game that YOU made up!”

“Nah it’s real this.” Eddie frowned with tight lips. He began with their interaction from the other day before the big blow-up with parole.

“So I offer to help give her a distraction.” Eddie raised his brows and Steve knee what he meant. “But she said no.”

“Weird. Not like her to turn you down.”

“That’s what I thought too,” Eddie said with his hands out, now turned to face Steve who was also turned in his seat. “Then she said it was sex with strangers from before that she used to cope. But that it didn’t mean anything back then.”

“Meaning it does now?” Steve leaned forward excitedly.

“I’m so glad I wasn’t reading into that too much. I really thought I was.”

“No, you know her she’s either too honest or speaks in riddles like some bridge troll.” Eddie laughed at the comparison he could relate to. He went on to explain in a short way the parole situation with Star.

“That… sucks, man. Royally.”

“I told her I’d go with her. Of course.”

“Of course.” Steve nodded with enthusiastic support. “Good man.” He slapped Eddie’s arm. Eddie was a physical guy but the harsh masculine affection of Steve’s jock past still caught him off guard on occasion.

“And then she says she needs me with her.”

“Promising.” Steve tapped his chin.

“And that’s not even the biggest thing that’s happened.” Eddie’s face was a mix of exhausted and hopeful as he explained Valentine’s night.

“Holy shit.” Steve’s hands were on his cheeks, in disbelief and enrapture led with gossip and drama. He did miss this part of school. “And she’s not mentioned it?”

“Not a word.”

“She started acting weird right after?”

“Yep.” Eddie said with a pop.

“I would bet money she remembers. That’s why she’s been so distant.” He clapped his hands together as if he’d solved the case.

“She’s been so hot and cold. But she’s going through a lot.”

“True. She’s not exactly - and don’t take this the wrong way but - the most stable person I know.”

“It’s one of the things I think I like most about her.” He grinned. “When you’ve got someone that makes you feel like you’re not the crazy one all the time it’s nice. You get to take turns. Make each other feel more normal.”

“That’s… sweet?” Steve didn’t try to hide the effort it took to be nice about it. “It would keep things interesting.” He offered more genuinely. “Does that get tiring though?”

“Yeah. But… I love her man. What other choice do I have?” Steve gave a broad smile that was warm with nostalgia, looking down to feel good memories wash over him.

“That I can relate to.” He nodded, shoulders slumped and hands tapping together in thought. “I vote you tell her. But you know this.” Steve rolled his eyes.

“I do.” Eddie nodded. “I can’t help but feel hopeful about it. And that’s why I wonder if it’s all in my head. It seems too good to be true. All these things building up, this parole thing where she’s purging all these memories and she can let go once he’s locked away again. It leads right into us being together right? Or am I totally delusional? Which isn’t far-fetched.”

“No, I’m with you man. I think it’s all leading up to a point. You said she’s done all that work in therapy. This should be like… a final presentation!” He clapped his hands together as he found his example. “She’s done the school work, you do the big final test and you’re home free!” He exclaimed with his hands raised.

“That’s kinda how I felt about it too.” Eddie agreed earnestly. “She’s been studying. She’s doing so good. She’s feeling strong and capable and she’s got me and her brother there with her and she should be like… ready? Ya know.”

“It’s been… how long. It was a school year ago then she’s been here since… June? So…” Steve tapped his fingers subtly to count the months.

“A year and a half?” Eddie offered.

“That’s long enough with the therapy and moving away and stuff, right? You can get over someone after that long. Especially when you have someone else you’re in love with now. Right?”

“I hope so, man. Or else I’m gonna feel like the biggest idiot to ever live.”

“You already are.”

“Thanks.”

“You have nothing to lose.” Steve grinned. “That’s a good thing in this instance!”

“That isn’t as helpful as you think it is.”

“Sure it is.” Steve shrugged and chuckled. “Even if I didn’t know she loved you. And I do. I’d still think she loves you. I think you should go for it. Maybe she’d feel better having a boyfriend with her facing the old one ya know? Maybe some jealousy? Some girl power stuff yanno with- see? I can find someone else! I don’t need you!” His voice switched to a higher feminine tone and Edie snorted in amusement. “She’s into that whole feminism thing right?” The guy's heart was in the right place.

“It makes sense yeah.” Eddie hesitantly agreed. “Maybe feeling secure will help her.”

“Also that.” Steve nodded. “What more secure than being in a relationship with someone you’re in love with that’s also in love with you?”

“A jar of money buried in an unmarked spot in the yard?” Eddie wore a goofy grin.

“A what? You’re so weird sometimes man.” Steve shook his head.

“It means I agree.” Eddie lied to placate Steve. “It’s a poor people thing Steve don’t worry about it.” He pats the other guy's knee.

“Oh okay. What I said still stands.”

“As much as my cynical heart wants to tear apart all your reasons… I think you’re right.”

-

Star was acutely aware of how each day got her closer to the parole hearing. She was feeling especially raw and vulnerable. She didn’t know who was on her mind more as the days went along, Eddie or Bobby. She felt so deeply for Eddie, knowing he was there for her if she needed him. Knowing he believed in her. But Bobby kept her afraid. Afraid of losing Eddie, of losing herself. She was paralyzed, stuck somewhere between her past and a possible future.

She’d left the haunting journal at home. She got out of the house and drove, finding a little thrift shop and taking her mind off things. But Eddie found her in the oddest of ways. Flicking through a milk crate of worn records she finds one that looks like something Wayne might be into. She turned the single over, a smile on her face.

“Eddie.” She sighed. She stood, knowing the record was there for her to find.

She was home, the 45 spinning, set to repeat. The needle clicked and cracked every time it finished that side. She stood, leaning on the counter in deep thought, watching the hypnotic spin of the record, considering how to handle the polar opposite swirls of emotions in her head.

And as if on cue, her future walks through the door with a warm smile and the most beautiful brown eyes she’s ever seen.

“Hello, little hermit crab.” He smiled at her with a warmth that made her chest thaw.

“H-hey.” She switched the player to off in a clumsy snapped movement.

“You good?” A lifted brown questioned her but she nodded wordlessly.

“I mean…” she gave a little shrug. “Not the worst.”

“Not the worst is good!” He clapped his hands to her arms supportively and it made her crack a sweet smile. “Yeah?” She soaked in his enthusiasm and let it make her feel better.

“Yeah.” She gave him another soft smile.

“You’ve been huddled away for over a week, I figured I’d come do a wellness check. Make sure the cats weren’t eating your fingers and face.”

“They would.” He got a laugh out of her.

“You do taste pretty good. In their defense.” He got her cheeks to rise and eyes to shrink into happy half-moons.

“I’m doing okay given the circumstances. There’s a week left and I’m trying not to let it overwhelm me since I’ve already put so much into it. I might make a list. I think having something to keep me on track is a good idea.”

“Baby, as good of an idea as that is. I’m here to distract. Provide some relief. We’re not gonna think about that for a little while. Okay?”

“I could stand to spare a few hours.” She nodded and let out a tense exhale.

“There’s my girl.” He leaned down to kiss her cheek. “What have you been doing this week?” He said as he pulled her into his chest. “Besides the obvious. “ he let her settle against him, hand around his waist and cheek to his chest. Something simple and comforting. “I didn’t see your car around the other day. You go somewhere?”

“Yeah, I went on a drive to clear my head.”

“Weathers nice for it right now.” She felt him nod above her.

“Perfect for having the windows cracked and music loud.”

“Where’d you go?”

“I just drove.” She said in an exhale. “For hours.”

“One of those drives.” he nodded. “The thinkers.”

“I didn’t get back until almost dawn. But I felt better.”

“I noticed your car wasn’t around for a while but I didn’t wanna seem like a stalker saying your car was unaccounted for for 12 hours on the night of the 11th.” He gave a fake newscaster voice and she pulled away with a smile.

“It’s nice to have someone notice.” She gave an almost shrug. “It’s very sweet that you care enough to notice.”

“Can’t have you going and running off on me. Then who’d I annoy all the time?” He gave her a smile that crinkles his nose, looking down at her and leaning in closer.

“I’m not gonna run.” She shook her head l, hair and face soft. “You don’t have to worry about that.”

“You can run.” He said supportively. “You just have to come back.” He chuckled, his hands still on her waist. She melted for a weak moment, he saw her face soften and then shy from the emotion it was giving away so freely.

“I don’t wanna run away.” She looked away, out the window in the kitchen to the field.

“I don’t want you to either.” He leaned in and kissed her forehead. She shut her eyes and swallowed audibly. “Did you not find anything cool on your adventure? Usually, when someone runs away you have some cool stories when you get back. Tell me your hero's journey Star.” He shook his head, his chin high as he used his DM voice.

“I don’t think it’s running when you plan on coming back.” She grinned. “A few tiny gas ancient stations.”

“Oh, my favorite.”

“Dusty and creepy just how you like them.”

“I like a good carbon dating through layers of dust location.” He chuckled.

“I stopped at a few mom-and-pop stores but I didn’t have much money on me so I didn’t get much. Poor foresight on my behalf.”

“You take the money. Then you run. Did you not listen to Steve Miller?” He saw it, the flash of teeth and the bounce of her chest and shoulders. A real laugh.

“Don’t lecture me on Steve Miller Band lyrics, Eddie, I know them better than you do.” A playful spark existed as she hopped on her tiptoes in playful aggression.

“Fine, fine. What’d you get?”

“I found a cool bracelet and a quilt with star patterns on it and some old records.”

“Oh, records? Is that what this is? This new?” He turned and touched the record player, seeing the needle still on it.

“Yeah. One of them.” She held up a 33-sized record, some girls in the back of a car with very dated hairstyles looked back at him.

“The Chordettes?” He said allowed, mostly rhetorical.

“I saw this and it looked familiar and they’re the girls that did that Mr. Sandman song. You know, Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream bum bum bum bum…” she shyly sang.

“The malt shop music.” He chuckled.

“Yeah. It looked like something Wayne would like. Then I found a 45 by them too in the same bin.” She pointed to the record currently on the platform. “They’re from the fifties and this one has just one song on each side. The other side is a little too gospel sounding but this one…” she stopped and a curious smile came across her face. “This one is also on the 33. It was one of their top hits, turns out. They’re in my Billboard chart book.”

“Is it any good?” He asked looking at the worn label and seeing nothing discernible.

“It’s…” she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, and he tilted his head at her curiously. “When I saw this song on the record I knew I had to buy it.”

“Must be good then.” He switched the machine on and dropped the needle to the beginning. “You been listening to this a lot?” He asked innocently enough before the singing started. “The switch is set to repeat.” He saw Star's face go a bit pale, her lips parted but not speaking.

“Eddie my love.” The song sang as his eyes widened at hearing his name. “I love you so.” The women chirped at him.

“They’re saying-?”

“Eddie.” She nodded. “Yeah.” It was bashful and soft. She turned the back of the 33 in her hand toward him. “I saw your name and the song and I knew I had to show you.” The song continued to give away more than she meant.

“How I’ve wanted for you, you’ll never know. Please, Eddie, don’t make me wait too long.” The women sang.

Eddie's cheeks flushed but so did Star’s.

“You found this by chance? At some random store on a random drive?”

“Yeah.” She huffed out a happy sound. He chewed his lip as she still didn’t meet his gaze.

“Eddie please, write just one line. Tell me your love is, still only mine. Please, Eddie, don’t make me wait too long.” The women were mocking how Star felt. The song continued with more yearning than you could poke a stick at. Full of handfuls of Eddie my love, I love you so. Please Eddie don’t make me wait too long. They stood and listened, neither daring to make the next move.

“You finding this seems like a hell of a coincidence.” He said as the record crackled, the needle moving back to the beginning. The women started their taunting all over again.

“Could be.” She said lightly.

“You know you’re the one that says there are no coincidences. Only signs.” He repeated her words back to her.

“I do say that.” She answered tightly.

“Do you think it was a sign that you found this?” A bold question that sent Star's heartbeat racing.

“I mean…” she gulped, her face concentrated. “It depends on what sign I was asking for when I found it.” She offered with high brows or uncertainty. “Was I thinking of finding some music? Something for Wayne or you or… was it… something else?” Her voice unintentionally cracked with nervous strain.

“Something else?” His voice was fading in confidence.

“What I usually ask for is guidance.” A truthful answer. “I’ve needed that a lot lately.” She divulged. “I got out and drove to clear my head. I didn’t ask to be shown anything that day but… other days, you know, I ask for signs to help me figure things out.” Her chin jutted forward nervously as she spoke.

“And you found this.” He stated, watching the record turn. She only nodded. “This very… sweet song. With my name in it.”

“It is sweet.” She quietly agreed.

“Would it help give you any clarity on things you’re trying to figure out?” Another nod, small and fast full of anxiety, almost a spasm. “You’ve been asking for clarity about…me?” He sees her eyes grow large and freeze, her nostrils flaring.

“Yeah.” She stared at his chest, frozen in fear. Her voice barely came out with how tight her body was.

“And this song…?”

“Yeah.” She said louder, but still not at a normal talking volume. “It’s hard to ignore signs when they make it so… obvious.” Her eyes moved, wide to wide in thought. He lifted her chin and she still didn’t meet his eyes.

“You tried to ignore other signs?” She nodded and looked away ashamed.

“I didn't know what to do. I ignored it.”

“Until you couldn’t anymore.” She met his eyes then, she saw he knew what she meant.

“I tried. I can’t.” she sounded utterly defeated.

“You know… it’s funny.” He huffed out softly. “I tried for a while to ignore it too.”

“You did?” Her eyes fully widened and bore into him as he took the turn to not meet hers.

“But you went and made it impossible.” He spoke so gently, feeling her hands tremor against them. He ran his palms over her, taking one of her hands into his, the other hugging her to him. He stepped out and began to slow dance with her to the song.

“I’m…” she wanted to apologize. No one should be falling in love with her. By choice or force. “I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to.” She felt tears, full of confusion and fear start to build in her eyes. Her cheeks here pinked and hot.

“No, no, no, baby.” He shushed so sweetly, kissing her cheek. “Star.” She sighed and watched him look her over, eyes seeing the damp lashes and the shimmery moss of her eyes. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He looked as vulnerable as he felt. She answered him with a small sob, shaking her head. “You are.” He kissed her cheek again, now wet and salty from a drop of tears.

“I’m not. I’m not even good. Let alone…” she gulped. “That.” she strained out.

“And who said that? Huh?” his chin raised, looking at her with a lecturing tone. “Bobby?” he almost snarled saying his name.

Star unexpectedly to him broke into a sob, lowering her head.

“You can’t let him keep running your life,” he said with conviction.

“I don’t want him to!” she cried. “I’m so sorry I don’t know how to stop it.” she shook her head, her hair hanging over her face in an attempt to hide.

“You can.” he says louder, holding her cheeks and not letting her escape. “You have. Look how far you’ve come.” he shook her cheeks in emphasis. “Looks how far WE’VE come.” his eyes were sad but his words were sharp. “You’re… practically with someone else. You’ve fallen in love with someone who’s even more in love with you.” he watched her screw her eyes shut as more tears forced their way out and down her mushed cheeks. “Isn’t that enough?” the worry was apparent as he swallowed, eyes darting and his mouth going dry.

She opened her eyes to meet his, brow turned and searching. She fluttered her lashes in question.

“Isn’t me loving you enough?” he asked desperately. “Doesn’t being in love mean you beat him? You won? You have proof you’re not a bad person. I love you, you're amazing. You’re everything I could want.”

“Just because you believe it doesn’t mean I do.” she quivered out with a hiccup. “I had years of him in my head. I’ve not known you for even a year. Maybe you don’t know the real me and I am a piece of shit.” she shrugged and he dropped his hands from her face, the rejection clear on his face.

“Star you’re being ridiculous.” his voice was quiet, the shine of tears in his eyes saying more than his words.

“No I’m not!” she said fully defensive, a half step away, a hand to her chest.

“Star, I love you. I’m in love with you. Just let me in!” he fists his hands together and shook them in an attempt to not shake her himself.

Her mouth opened, but nothing came out in response.

“Don’t you love me too?” he was leaning forward, hands shaking, torn between holding her and wanting to hit something. The question hung in the air unanswered. “Tell me you love me too.” she stood with closed eyes, she bent over with a sob, covering her face. “Please.” a desperate attempt to reach her.

Her head shook in answer, too ashamed to answer him.

“Star don’t.” his voice was strong and dark a surge of anger growing. ”I know you do. I KNOW.” he pointed a finger at her, towering over her.

She looked at him, her face a mess and he still found her beautiful. He felt his stomach turn in realization.

“Star don’t do this, baby please don’t do this to me.” he rasped out, tears starting to fall.

“I can’t say it back,” she whispered, shaking her head half intentionally, half from the intense emotions she felt coursing through her body.

“Why not? If you say you don’t love me you’re a liar.” his voice cracked as his chest heaved. “I see it when you look at me. I feel it in my fucking chest. You even told me when you were drunk!” he screeched. “Don’t lie to me Star! You love me! Don’t lie to me!” he shouted.

“Not saying it isn’t me lying!” the first sign of her being her own person rose, her voice with more conviction behind it.

“So now just not telling someone something isn’t a lie?” he snarked back, his face drawn and angry.

“If I said I didn’t… then I would be lying.” she gritted her teeth as she spoke.

“SEE! YOU DO! Just say it god dammit!” he broke, a sob choking him as he said it a bit crazed, begging her with outstretched hands.

“So? I’m just going to disappoint you. I am right now. I told you I can’t do this!” her hands flung down to her sides, her body stiff. “I told you from the very start!” she squeaked out, staring him down and terrified. “I’m fucking this up just like he said I would. You’re finding out what a piece of shit I am now. This is me!” she put her hands to her chest and hit herself for emphasis.

“You don’t want to acknowledge he was wrong because then you’d have to really open yourself up to being hurt by someone who isn’t a piece of shit. And you’re too afraid to.” he hissed back, entirely defensive now.

She gawked with an open mouth at his brutal honesty.

“Because we love each other. And I love you, every part of you. Even this part that believes this bullshit.” he laughed a touch crazed, wiping his cheeks. “I love you so much it makes me angry. And I know you love me. You’ve told me. In so many ways. But I can’t do this roller coaster emotional shit and get my hopes up for you to pussy out.” he bit with flared nostrils. Star blinked, frozen in shock.

“I can’t say it back why are you so angry?” her voice back a whisper.

“Because I can’t be just friends with you or act like I’m not in love with you anymore.” he laughed as if it were obvious, his hands thrown into the air. “Because you’re being a coward by not saying it when you know it’s true.” his eyes were wide, brows high and his body shaking. “I’m asking so little.” he groaned. “I’m mad because the idea that you wouldn’t be my girlfriend when you act like my fucking wife is ridiculous.” he slapped his hands in the air. “Because there’s no reason! No real reason we shouldn’t be together!” his voice cracked as he shouted, turning away from her. “Except that you’re a coward who won’t just fucking live your life. Instead, you're letting an imaginary voice in your head keep you from being happy. Because I would make you so happy Star.” he shook his head, nearly a vibration with how his body was thrumming.

“You do make me happy!” her lip trembled and another sob broke.

“Then stop lying to me!” he cried, covering his face for a moment. “Hell, and yourself! I don’t know this Star, this isn’t who I fell in love with. I don't know who this is but it isn’t you. You've shown me the real you when you forget to sabotage yourself. This isn't her, it's not you. You're getting in your own way.” he said with tear-stained cheeks, face on full display as he leaned toward her.

“It is. That’s the problem. I told you. I told you I can’t do this.” she said softly, too soft for how much she cared.

“But you want to?” he tried to clarify with clutched hands towards her.

“YES!” she shouted.

“Then do it!”

“I CANT!” she screamed back, both of their chests heaving.

“You know what?” he shouted into his hands, rubbing his face before they slapped to his sides. “ I can’t do this.”

“What?” she squeaked.

“This." he motioned his hands wildly. "Whatever this is." he stepped backward toward the door, still facing her.

“I'm sorry.” she looked as disappointed as she felt.

“When you're ready to admit the truth,” he said with a pointed finger. “I'll be here. I'll be all in, Star….” He shook his head sternly. “But until then I'm done.” he shrugged, and turned, letting the door slam shut behind him.

He heard the sound of her falling to her knees on the floor. Just like he heard her sobbing, saying his name, and apologizing. He stood at the van door, hand on the handle. He let his head rest on the cold glass for a moment, wiping his tears away with his jacket sleeve and sniffling. He waited, and caught his breath. But she didn’t come after him. It was his turn to take the sign. So he left.

PART 21

(I'm sorry. It had to be done.)

BUT if you enjoyed it, reblogs, likes and comments help IMMENSELY.

Tag List in comments and here - it's not letting me tag people??!!

@suspirian @likeficsinthewnd @hollyismentallyillhelpp @eddiesgoodgirl @ouuwitchywoman @michaelfuckinglangdonn @hannahdinse88 @thikkiesixxx @idyllicbutterflyy @lonesome-dovee @kaelyn-lobrutto244 @eriseffigy @kriffingstarss @psychedelephantt @laurathefahrradsattelttel @munsins @secularlunarsorceresss @angelofthorrr @eddiemunsonsbedroomroom @justiceiswaterr @unnecesarysstuff @divadinag @boomhauer @br0ck-eddiee @bimbobaggins69 @sillypurplemurplee @sunnyhoney420 @sugar-bears-smile @hellfires-harlott

[morathicain]

HELLO CAIN!!! First of all how are you my favourite mutual? (can you believe we've been mutuals for 4 years now? So weird)

As you may have noticed I got back into my Thai series obsession - Uni is KILLING ME - and I'm rediscovering some series that came out during these years that I unfortunately missed and let me tell you I am both EXTATIC and dissapointent

So let's start with the dissapoint: I've noticed that after bad buddy (straight up one of the best BL ever made) Thai series, but EXPECIALLY gmmtv, have started to make the couple fall in love very VERY soon in the series which for me - a slow build and slow burn lover - is AWFUL

What do you MEEEEEAN they kiss in episode 3?!? Come on where is the drama? Where is the falling in love??? Heck they are making me miss the love triangles just saying

And because of this some series just, stop making sense after a certain point? Like the story is finished so they fish out a random and stupid storyline to fill the last episode which sucks⭐✨⭐✨ (coff coff 23.5)

NOW FOR THE EXTATIC PART

We are getting so many GLs!!!!!! LET'S GO!!! GIVE ME THE LESBIANS!

But also they are pushing a lot more on the "self discovery" arc of the characters which is really good? Like because the romance happens so soon the rest of the episodes are about the characters as their own and honestly? Sometimes it's good sometimes it's bad

Like the self discovery in We are? Amazing

In My boo? Eeeeeh...

Now for the series i'm watching

Airing: We are and My boo

We are grew on me

At the beginning I did not like it but it was still something simple and sweet to watch after a bad day in uni but now... Damn Cain I'm getting attached to these idiots

It's truly a lovely story about friendship and simple love that even if stereotypical it's still very very good because it's ""real"""? If it makes sense? I'm currently writing a LONG review about it that when I remember how to write properly I will publish (oh yeah btw I also started posting small reviews)

My boo is... Something

It exist, it's sweet but the main couple is that type of sweet that it becomes annoying after a while

Honestly I'm here for the side couple

ALSO IT'S SO WEIRD?!? Because it's clear that GMMTV put a LOT of money into this but it's still??? Mediocre??? Man idk let's see how it ends

Finished

I've just finished Mama gogo and I really liked it! It has its ups and downs but it's still a very funny and sweet series so 8.5 lovely IT COULD have given me more but in 12 it did what it could

23.5 made me incredibly mad but it's still a good GL to start with for GMMTV and that's all I'm going to say

Currently watching

CAIN BE MY FAVOURITE IS GOOD?!? WHAT

Girl I remember watching it while it was airing: I dropped after 3 episodes

But then! Like 3 days ago I was like "y'know I miss Krist (phrase never said by anyone, I know but listen) let me see what people think of "be my favorite"... BOOM 8 on MDL

So I thought "okay let's give it another go..."

Best

Decision

Ever

Cain truly I'm at ep 7 and I'm so fucking intrigued

It's so nice and different?!?! Why no one talks about it!!! Plus Gawin

My MAN

That man was written and made for women he is SUCH A GOOD ACTOR JESUS

Anyway sorry for the long ass ask but everytime I get back into this fixation my first thought is "let me message Cain"

I hope you are doing well!!!!

- Randy✨

Update from my last ask (sempre Randy✨) Girl i Be my favorite was so fucking good man Not going to spoil anything but if you liked "He's coming to me" I would 100% recommend this show Truly a 10/10

Hello Randy!!!

Thank you for thinking of me when watching Thai shows and then sending me whole novels, WOW!!!!

Also sorry for replying late, I wanted to take proper time and work has been slightly exhausting ^^° still, thank you so much for all your words!

It's really fascinating because AHHHHHHH MAMA GOGO! I really love the show so much with all the characters and arcs and growth and little stories and tropes. Right up my alley XD

I have neither watched We are nor My Boo so far, so I can't say anything about it but I'm happy you are enjoying We are a lot =^^= it's on my potential watch list, albeit not up high, which is mostly because I am currently brain rotten about Wandee and At 25:00 in Akasaka XD

I started 23.5 degrees but was slightly discouraged by the catfishing at the beginning, so I stopped for a while. When the show basically vanished from my dash towards the final, I was already wondering what went wrong, and I now suppose a lot did? Tbh I have been enjoying the Japanese GLs more than the Thai ones so far, but there's so many coming out soon and currently, I will find the ones for me =^^=

Regarding Be My Favourite, I'm happy you enjoyed it so much <3 it was THE talk when it aired, but too many shows make it impossible for most shows to stick. I know a lot of people who really liked it actually ^^ I did, too, for several episodes. Sadly, it used a trope I really can't endure and my interest dropped, so I dropped the show in the middle. Might continue one day or not, but my interest kinda vanished ^^° which is okay, can't be for everyone but I know lots of people who had their fun and that's nice =^^=

Anygay, hope you continue to have all the fun and joy with the shows and that enough slow burn will get produced for you :D I do enjoy a good slow burn, too, but I also LOVE when a couple is interested early on and they keep the dynamic and tension till later like in Wandee.

What luck that we have so many shows to choose from now :D

Take care and stay safe and healthy. I wish you the best and a wonderful day (with lots of Gawin-feels!) <3