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saultnpeppah · 4 years ago

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Day 3: The proposal

Day 3: The proposal for the WonderBat event “Steps to the Altar”. It’s a long one, but I hope you all enjoy!

March 1. Downtown Gotham. 9:10

Diana

I love the sun. I love the brightness it casts over the gloomy city, promising a better day over each hidden corner it illuminates. I love the heat that radiates from its core, the warmth it brings, giving life to those things left dead by the harsh temperament of Gotham winters. I love the hope it brings when you wake up to see the sun peeking through the clouds, greeting you with a magnificent glimpse of all you can accomplish.

Growing up in Greece, the sun greeted me most mornings. I often found myself staring out at the ocean in awe, wondering how something so seemingly small could be so powerful. When Mother and I had moved to Gotham, my sunshine filled days were soon overshadowed by the gloomy overcast and clouds that reigned over the Gotham skies most of the year. Eventually I learned to find the beauty in the vastly different weather of Gotham to my hometown. That did not mean I still did not miss the sunshine.

Every time the sun took a chance, peeking through the low clouds that filled the sky, I was out soaking it up. When I went back to Greece for a few years after college, I spent most days outside, soaking up the warmth, storing it up for the winter nights here in Gotham when it felt like the wind chilled me to the bones. The sunshine was a rarity, and I never wanted to take it for granted. This would explain why the phone call I had received an hour ago had frustrated me to no end.

When Charlie had called me at nearly eight this morning, I had had a foot out the door, ready to run some personal errands before enjoying my one day to myself in nearly three weeks. Things at work had become hectic, and with a new exhibit expected to open at the end of the month, I had spent every waking moment focused on work. Of course, once Charlie had called, frantically explaining they were having an issue procuring one of the items for the exhibit, I knew the sunshine would have to wait. I had a job to do.

My footsteps squeak against the freshly waxed floors as I make my way to my office, trying not to overthink the vague message in Charlie's call earlier. I am unable to help the worry that settles over me and my feet begin to carry me faster, making a sharp turn at the end of the hallway. The cell phone in my coat pocket begins to ring and I quickly pull it out, a small sigh escaping my lips when I see Bruce's name flash across the screen. He's been in Star City for the last few days, meeting with Oliver Queen and his company, trying to find a way to save the company of the reformed playboy. Bruce knows all too well how a bad image can ruin a company, as he nearly lost his because of stupid mistakes on his end. Fortunately for Bruce, he had Lucius. Oliver, however, did not.

Silencing the phone, I continue down the bright hallway, shoving the device back into my coat pocket promising to return his call when I am not in the middle of a drawback that could not only hurt my career, but also the reputation of the museum. Besides, Bruce will understand. He knows it has been a busy week, and although I hate the months when we are both so busy we hardly get to see each other, it's nice to have a partner who understands the demands of a job. Bruce doesn't fret when I have to stay late at the museum. He doesn't complain when I have to drop plans last minute because an artifact goes missing. He respects my job, as I do his, and I love him all the more for it.

When I finish my journey down the hallway, I continue into my office, barging in the door, ready for whatever chaos may be on the other end. My stomach sinks when I see Charlie on the phone, sweat dripping down the side of her face as she clenches the half eaten bagel that was surely her breakfast in her hand. She frantically waves me over, trying to distract me from the two men sitting at her desk, their head in their hands- whatever has happened is not going to be an easy fix and something tells me I'm going to have to cancel dinner with Alfred for the second time this week.

Immediately my fingers begin to work their way to the buttons on my coat, pulling one loose, ready to settle in for the day and fix this mix up, before Charlie lifts a finger and shakes her head. She nudges a few of her dark curls out of her face, staring at me with dark brown eyes while she nods to whoever is on the other end of the phone. "Of course," she says after a few moments, forcing a laugh to hide the anxiety that is beginning to creep up. "We'll get it fixed right away, Sir," she says, addressing the mystery caller.

My heart begins to pound. Charlie is usually so confident, so sure of herself and her abilities. That is why she is part of my team. When I took this job, I was up against candidates with much more experience, both in museums and in life. I was younger and I was still looking for ways to change the way museums ran, and many did not like that. My first year I ran into a lot of hurdles, but I pushed through, eventually gaining the trust of the board of trustees. That didn't mean I had been able to slack off. In fact, every exhibit, every artifact, every presentation, I need to do my best, which is why I work with the best.

Charlie is my main assistant curator. She knows the ins and outs of every exhibit here in the museum, and on the occasion I am not here, she is able to run things flawlessly. But the look she has on her face is making me worry more by the second. "I will call you with an update soon," Charlie promises into the phone, letting another nervous chuckle pass through her lips before she ends the call, slamming the phone onto the base in the corner of her desk.

"Do I want to know who that was?" I ask

Charlie shakes her head. "Andrew Lemming," she answers anyway. She wipes her sweaty palms onto her pant legs, turns, and grabs something off her desk.

Something big must have happened if the President of the Board of Trustees is calling demanding it be fixed right away. "Someone mislabeled one of the accounts," Charlie explains, glaring at the two men seated behind me. Arthur and Daryl are our newest hires, and they both came highly recommended- it's hard to imagine them making a mistake this crucial. "One of the shipments got mixed up and is halfway across town but because you're the one who put in the original order, you're the one who has to go down there."

She hands me a sticky note and I read the address written in blue ink. It's going to take at least forty minutes to get to where this is and probably another hour to get everything situated. I will definitely need to call Alfred to cancel our dinner plans tonight. The thought alone makes me sad, as he was going to tell me about Bruce's second grade volcano project that went horribly wrong, resulting in a complete renovation of the kitchen; it was definitely a story that would produce a laugh big enough to cure the stress of the last few days.

I shove the sticky note containing the address into my pocket beside my phone and turn on my heel, walking out of the office with a nod to the two men who are still sulking at Arthur's desk. I walk through the maze that constructs the basement of the museum, a sense of urgency lingering in my movements. It isn't long before I am in my car, jabbing the keys into the ignition and bringing the vehicle to life, before speeding off, hoping I can fix this before everything else goes sideways.

XXXXXXX

West End. 11:17.

The drive to the west end takes longer than expected, thanks to a fender bender on the highway that blocked nearly three of the four lanes. I had offered to help, silently cursing myself for offering a helping hand when I was on a strict timeline myself, however the two drivers only shook their heads and went about their day, already halfway through with exchanging information. Not wanting to press my luck, I drove straight to the address Charlie had given me, focused on the task at hand.

I knew it was going to be a long day. When I was done here, and had the artifact safely in my possession, preferably in a vault at the museum, I was in for a ton of paperwork. I would need to figure out how the mix up happened and how I would be able to assure the Board something like this would not happen again. Thank the gods I had accepted the second cup of coffee Alfred had offered this morning. I was going to need it.

I turn the wheel of my car one last time, letting the vehicle make the last turn that my GPS orders from me, before I shift gears, placing the car in park in front of a warehouse, and pull the keys from the ignition. My phone rings from the inside of my coat again, and I reach into my pocket, unable to help the sigh that falls from my mouth, worried about what else might be happening at the office. Bruce's name flashes on the screen once more, causing my lips to curl into a smile even though I swear my hair is graying from all the stress. Just the thought of him relaxes me slightly and even though I know I need to get into the warehouse, I want to hear his voice, if only to prevent the raging migraine I can feel forming at my temples.

"Hi," I say into the phone, placing it to my ear, letting my head fall back onto the top of my seat.

"Hi," is his response. "Everything okay?"

"No," I answer truthfully. He's going to hear about it when he comes back anyway, there is no use lying to him now. "One of the pieces for the Tibet exhibit is missing and I'm trying to track it down."

"How did that happen?" he asks. I find myself shrugging, even though I know he cannot see me, and pinch the bridge of my nose. Hearing his voice wasn't as soothing as I had wanted, and I can feel the tension growing by the second.

"I don't know," is all I say, as I reach into the glove compartment, pull out a bottle of aspirin, open it, and dump two pills into my hand. "I'm fixing it."

"That's why they pay you the big bucks," he says. I know there is that stupid smirk on his face and I shake my head and scoff.

"Shush." My eyes glance up to my dashboard, taking a look at the time displayed. My hand reaches across my body and unbuckles my seat belt, before it grabs the handle to the door of my car and opens it up. "I have to go," I explain, stepping out of the vehicle and onto the sidewalk that leads to the warehouse. "I'll talk to you later."

"Of course," he says. "Don't stress out, Diana," he says, "it'll work out." With that he ends the call.

I close the door to the car, clenching my keys tightly in my hand as I try to let out a steady breath, trying to calm myself. As I follow the cemented path to the front of the warehouse, I slip my keys into my coat pocket. My phone is inches from following my keys to their fabric resting spot when it begins to ring again.

"Hello," I answer so quickly I don't even bother to look at the number flashing on the screen.

"Di," Charlie's voice rings out, "you make it to the warehouse?"

"Yes," is my answer. When I reach the front of the warehouse I let the door slide open before I step inside, letting the hot air radiating from the heater behind the front counter warm my body. The receptionist who stands beside the heater smiles my way, pushes her glasses up her thin nose, and tilts her head. "Hi," I greet, trying my hardest to conjure a friendly smile. It is not this woman's fault I am here. She deserves some common courtesy.

"Hello," she says. "How can I help you?"

I shift my phone, moving the mic away from my mouth as Charlie is not the intended other party for this conversation, and pull my work badge from where it hangs around my neck. "I'm from the museum," I say, handing her the badge. "There was a mix up that I was told I needed to fix."

She lifts my badge, reads my name, and nods. "Ms. Prince, of course!" she exclaims. "Yes, I do believe we have something for you." She lets go of my badge and I stuff it back into my jacket, watching as she disappears behind the counter, only to appear moments later carrying a small wooden box. "Here it is," she says as she places the box onto the counter. She hands me a receipt and offers me a pen, watching as I sign for it, before she offers me another smile. "Thank you. You're all set."

Confused, I only nod and walk out of the building, the wooden box tucked safely under my arm. "Well that was quicker than I expected," I say into the phone, unlocking the car and hopping inside.

Charlie lets out another nervous chuckle. "Did you get the right one?" she asks.

My hand reaches for the glove compartment, opens it, and pulls out the pocket knife that I keep inside. My shoulder raises up and pins the phone to my ear and my hands work the knife around the box, slicing the labels and stickers around the box, carefully wiggling the blade between the boards trying to pry it open without damaging what is inside.

The box opens and I flash a grin, happy with my success. I carefully fold the knife and place it back into the glove box and place the top piece of wood onto my passenger seat, glancing into the box, hoping to find my artifact safe and sound. What I don't expect, however, are the four flowers laying inside. "What the hell," I mutter, lifting the flowers from the box, and rummage through the packing materials in hopes of finding the missing item. "There's no mask."

Charlie lets out a giggle and I stop my search. "I'm sorry," she says, "but I couldn't help myself."

My eyes narrow and I toss the box containing only paper packing material onto my passenger seat. Charlie has always been one to pull practical jokes, and while I would be on the receiving end of those pranks from time to time, none were nearly this elaborate or time consuming. "You're an ass," is the only thing I can say. "You made me come in for this."

"No, Di," she says, "it wasn't me. I was only a part of this elaborate plan."

My eyes scan over the flowers in my hand, clenching the four roses. There is a note laying in the box and I am quick to reach for it, my eyebrow raising as I read the all too familiar handwriting. I will love you until the last one dies. I take another look at the flowers and notice one is brighter than the other three and my lips curl into a smile when I realize it is plastic.

Bruce.

A comment made the night of our Freshman Orientation, when Bruce and I had been watching some cheesy romance movie where the main love interest had done something similar. I can't believe he remembered this, after all those years.

"Yeah, yeah," I say, remembering Charlie is still on the other end, "You're still an ass."

Charlie laughs harder. "Everything is all good here. Enjoy your days off."

Days? I know I'm supposed to be in tomorrow, but if Charlie says they don't need me, I won't push it. Considering I've spent a good portion of my actual day off on this wild goose chase, I deserve some time off.

Charlie ends the call and my fingers are quick to dial Bruce's number. It rings twice before he answers, but when he does, I can tell there is still a smirk on his face. "Hello?" he answers, trying to feign innocence.

I blow past his innocent demeanor, knowing he is up to something. "You're an ass," I whisper. "I mean, I love you, and the flowers, but you're an ass."

Bruce laughs and I fight to keep the scowl on my face. "But also romantic," he states.

I can't agree with his tactics, but I also cannot deny his claim. Bruce is one of the most romantic people I know. I secretly wonder if he enjoys the old romance movies I've forced him to watch countless times. "Yes," I agree, "but why?"

"Did you read the card?" he asks.

"Mmhmm."

"The whole card?"

The whole card? Was that one sentence not the only thing? I quickly turn the card in my hand, noticing the business logo in the middle of the card. The address is on the bottom along with Bruce's handwriting: I have some good news.

"What's your good news?" I ask unable to help myself. I know he's not going to tell me, he's going to force me to be patient. He's going to force me to play along with his little scavenger hunt, although I can't deny it's enthralling.

"Na uh," he says. "No cheating."

"Fine," I say, adding the address into my phone, getting the directions to my next stop. "I'll talk to you later."

"I love you."

"I love you too," I say. He hangs up the phone and I place the device on the dashboard, watching as my custom route comes up, ready to guide me through the streets of Gotham. I quickly start my car and drive off, wondering where in the world Bruce is sending me and what is waiting for me once I get there.

XXXXXX

Gotham Heights - Gracie CuppaJoe. 12:02.

The smell of coffee and fresh baked pastries fill the air as I step through the front door of the small corner shop. There are a few customers scattered around the room, each enjoying the last remnants of their caffeine concoctions and sweets. It brings a smile to my face when one of the baristas looks up from the register and offers me a large smile.

"Good morning," he says, wiping the counter with a rag, trying to clean before the lunch rush comes in for their caffeine fixes. "What can I get started for you?"

I contemplate whether I should indulge in another cup of coffee, having already had two this morning. However, the stress that both Bruce and Charlie have put me through should warrant another - maybe just a small. "She's with me."

I turn to face the owner of the voice. "What are you doing here?" I ask casually, smiling at the woman who offers me one of the small cups of coffee in her hands, before she turns to nod at the barista, who goes about his day.

Lois takes a sip from the remaining cup in her hand and flashes me a smile of her own, letting her shoulders shrug. "I was in the neighborhood," she says with a smirk. It is all I need to hear to know she's in cahoots with Bruce.

The two of us make our way to an empty table near the door, each taking a seat in a chair as we make ourselves comfortable. Lois slides her purse from her shoulder and places it on the chair beside her, eyeing me as she pulls out an envelope. "What did Bruce do?" I find myself asking, watching as she places the envelope on the table and slides it in front of me.

"I honestly don't know," she confesses. "But he helped me with that story about Lexcorp earlier this month, so I owed him a favor."

I nod, knowing full well that Bruce has been helping Clark with exclusive stories for years. When Lois and Clark started dating, he extended that courtesy to her as well. "How was Kansas?" I ask, attempting to make small talk as I grab the envelope from the table and peel it open.

Lois chuckles and whispers, "Interesting," before she takes another sip of her coffee, and ponders over the trip to meet Clark's mother for the first time. Having only met a few weeks earlier, Bruce and I were both excited and nervous to meet Clark's newest girlfriend. I wasn't sure how she would react to the fact that Clark still had dinner with his ex-girlfriend, nor was I sure how I would feel about seeing him move on, no matter how much of a hypocrite that made me. But after meeting Lois, I knew she would be a good friend, and after seeing the way she and Clark looked at each other, I knew they were perfect for each other.

"I'm just kidding," she says after a moment. "Martha was wonderful, and she spilled some secrets I'm sure Clark was not too fond of."

I chuckle and nod, knowing exactly what Lois speaks of. Martha and Alfred have much too much fun spilling secrets of Clark and Bruce's childhoods, and I know both Lois and I appreciate the embarrassing memories. "The tractor?" I ask, smiling when I remember the story Martha told Bruce and I the night of Clark's graduation.

Lois nods and finds it impossible to contain the laughter as she visualizes the event that occurred nearly two decades ago. She watches as I finish opening the envelope and pull out the card seeing Bruce's handwriting on the white piece of card stock.

I knew you would need something to calm your nerves so this one's on me. A few doors down is where you'll find your next clue.

I let out a small sigh and shake my head. How elaborate did Bruce make this scavenger hunt, and why was he doing it to begin with?

"The bookstore," Lois says, when I stuff the card back into the envelope. "Ask for Ryan."

I narrow my eyes at the woman but still give her a slight nod as I push my chair back and stand. "You want me to stay?" I ask when I realize it is rude of me to leave so suddenly.

Lois shakes her head, sips on her coffee, and pulls a small laptop from her purse. "No," she answers, "I'm perfectly content here." She waves her hand around the room and I watch as she begins to sway to the soft music that has been playing inside. "Much better than a stuffy office," she says, convincing me that she is okay with me leaving to go next door.

"Okay," is all I say, as I gather the still hot coffee in my hands. "Thank you." She nods and I see her lips tug into a radiant smile. My eyebrow raises and I know she knows more than she is letting on, but I don't bother to ask. Lois is a vault that no one can crack when it comes to confidential information. It is one of the reasons she has gotten so far in her career: people are willing to help her get information knowing she won't identify anyone who doesn't wish to be made public. With a small wave of my hand, I step out of the coffee shop and onto the sidewalk, following the path until I am standing on the stoop of the small bookstore.

My hand pulls the door open and I step inside. The walls are covered in vintage posters and artwork, signed and framed, showing the years that have gone into the decor of this place. There are rows and rows of bookshelves, lined to the brim with books. Novels, comics, and magazines fill the shelves and I wonder how a place this small place can hold what looks like hundreds of books. To the right is a small counter that houses two registers, a phone, and a computer to, what I assume, account for inventory and orders. All in all, it is a quaint little place, and I mentally remind myself to come and get lost in here on another day.

From behind one of the book shelves walks a man. He carries a box full of wrapped items in his arms, humming and bobbing his head along to the soft music that plays throughout the shop's speakers. He makes it to the front of the shop, still lost in the music, and places the box on the counter, before he turns to face me. His eyes widen when he realizes he is not alone and I can tell he is not used to customers this early.

"Hello!" he exclaims. He runs a hand through his hair and stumbles as he runs up to where I stand. "How can I help you?"

"Uh," I begin, trying to focus my attention on the small name tag that is pinned to his chest. The letters are unrecognizable, having been worn out from years of use, and it does me no good in identifying whether this is the man I need to speak to. "Are you Ryan?" I ask. "I was told I needed to speak to Ryan."

His lips tug into a confused frown. "Do you have an order?"

"I think so," I say unsure as I pull the card out of the envelope and hand it to him. Under Bruce's handwritten message lies a string of numbers. I was unsure of what they were, but when the shop owner turns and begins to type on the computer, I realize it is an order number.

"Ms. Prince," he says to himself, the frown disappearing from his face. He rummages through the box and pulls out a wrapped item. "Ah ha," is all he says as he hands me the item and the card. "I hope you like this," he says with a wink.

I thank him with a nod and pluck a business card from the counter, stuffing it into my coat pocket before I walk out the door, giving him a small wave as I push the door open and step outside. The bright glare from the sun distracts me momentarily and I have to squint until my eyes adjust. Sunshine in Gotham may have been a rarity, but when it came, it brought all it's glorious light. When my eyes finally adjust I take a look at the item in my hand, smiling at the fact that Bruce went through all this trouble to give me a little adventure while he was away.

The white wrapping is accompanied by a large red ribbon, tied to a beautiful bow on top, and I momentarily hate that I'm going to ruin the beautiful wrapping. Soon, however, the curiosity to know what Bruce has planned outweighs the want to preserve the wrapping, and I rip the package open. Inside there is an older publishing of the classic Shakespearean Romeo and Juliet.

The book is old but still in fantastic shape and as I move the book in my hands, I admire the intricate filigree on the cover. I open the cover and once again I see Bruce's handwriting.

Some people are worth dying for, but you, Diana, are absolutely worth living for.

Go to where we had our first kiss.

I smile as I pull the keys from my pocket and head to where my car is parked, hoping to find the answer to all this waiting at my destination.

XXXXX

Gotham Academy. 13:32.

Walking through the halls of Bruce and my alma mater brings back memories, some good, some bad, and I am overcome with emotions. My years here were definitely filled with both happiness and heartache, but if there was one person who had kept me sane throughout my time at Gotham Academy, it was Bruce. He was, is, my best friend. He was always there to listen to me when my mother was being overbearing and forbade me to do anything remotely fun. He was there for me when Steve broke my heart the summer after our Freshman year, and even though we had been friends since grade school, it was in these halls that I fell in love with Bruce.

I continue to walk through the halls. On a Saturday afternoon the once busy halls are nearly empty. Only a few students linger throughout the halls, trying to avoid the weekend detention they've been assigned or getting a jump on college prep exams. I don't envy them as those were some of the most stressful times in my life. One of the students looks up, their face having been buried in one an ACT prep book, and notices me as I continue down the hall. Her eyebrow raises as she tries to place my face and I chuckle lowly; being with Bruce, I have been splashed on the cover of multiple magazines, newspapers, and tabloid pages, the latter I am none too comfortable with, however I soon learned to get over the hurtful comments.

The student offers me a small wave when she realizes who I am and I respond with a small nod and a wave of my own, before I continue down the hall, turning the corner. I see my destination a few doors ahead and I breathe a sigh of relief when I notice the door to the room is the only one open, confirming that I am at the right place.

When I first got the clue in the book, my first thought was to go to the beach. That night, as we enjoyed a bonfire with half of the class, Bruce had kissed me. At first I thought it nothing more than a joke, as I was sure there was no way Bruce Wayne would be interested in the girl he had seen crying and shoving fistfuls of chocolate into her mouth more times than I would like to admit. However, as the night went on, I realized just how much I cared for him, and we spent the night together. I was nearly halfway to the beach when I realized the bonfire was not the first time Bruce and I had kissed, and I soon changed course to go back to our high school.

Our sophomore year of high school, we were forced to study and interpret pieces from Shakespear. Bruce and I were forced to work on Romeo and Juliet for the better part of the semester, which included a visual representation of the first meeting between the star crossed lovers - a visual that included Romeo and Juliet's first kiss. It was then that Bruce and I had kissed for the first time, and even though it had been nothing more than a platonic kiss between two people playing roles, sparks had flown, starting the attraction that only grew as time went on.

The room is dark as I step inside and I fumble with the switch on the wall, cursing at my nerves. I don't know why I'm anxious, but if this goes on for much longer, I'm going to fly to Star City myself and give Bruce a piece of my mind. The lights flicker on, illuminating the room, and I step fully inside. The room is the same as it was a decade earlier, albeit there are new desks that are lined throughout the room, and a new computer on the desk in front of the whiteboard, but the nostalgia is still there.

I make my way to the large desk and take notice of the small box in the center of the desk. As I get closer I can see that next to the box lays a card with my name on it. I open the card and see another message from Bruce.

I couldn't wait until the reunion.

Laying the card down onto the desk, my hand reaches for the box. It begins to shake as I pull it back. All the pieces start to fall into place and I suddenly realize what is happening. I open the box, letting out the breath I hadn't realized I had been holding, and chuckle. Inside is a giant ring pop and I can't help but think back to when I jokingly proposed to Bruce back at the end of our sophomore year.

The sound of shuffling from behind makes me jump and I turn to face the person who has joined me in the room. Bruce's smile sends butterflies down my stomach and I can't help but reciprocate with a goofy smile of my own. I can't believe he's here, having flown all the way back without telling me he was going to be coming back early, but I am grateful. Seeing him standing there, a few feet across from me, suddenly makes this all real.

"Hi," he says, taking a few steps until he is able to reach out and take my hand in his. He places a kiss on the back of my hand and gives me a smirk as he glances at the box in my other hand.

My heart beats faster when I glance into his eyes; those beautiful steely blues make my knees weak. The thumping of my heart fills my ears and I say, "It was supposed to be blue," cringing when I hear the awkward statement.

Bruce laughs and plucks the box out of my hand, placing it on a nearby desk, before he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a smaller box. I let out a small gasp when I see the velvet box and although I know what is happening, I still can't believe it. "This one is," he says. He pulls his hand from mine and opens the box, displaying the ring that is inside, as he lowers himself down onto his right knee.

The ring inside the box is absolutely stunning. The white gold band is studded with blue sapphires, coloring half of the ring in a beautiful blue color that shines under the fluorescent lights in the room. The diamond in the center is a marquise cut, modest yet beautiful, and the two smaller diamonds that lay on either side of the center stone only accentuate it's charm.

"Diana," Bruce begins, forcing my attention from the ring in his hands to his face. His eyes are soft and he bites his lip nervously, trying to gather the right words to convey what he is feeling at this moment. Finally, he says, "I've loved you longer than I can remember. I've nearly lost you more times than I want to admit, but we've always found our way back to each other. I was a fool for waiting so long to tell you how I really felt, and if you'll have me, I'll spend my entire life showing you just how beautiful, how special, how wonderful you truly are."

His thumb caresses the back of my hand softly as he clears his throat, and he sends me a smile to let me know this is what he truly wants. The Bruce I knew as a kid would never have allowed himself to be vulnerable like this. He would have never let anyone break into the wall he had worked tirelessly to build. "I love you, Diana," he confesses. "Will you marry me?"

My arms are wrapped around Bruce before he can register what is happening, and he laughs as I find my voice, so clouded with raw emotion it is difficult for me to get the word out. "Yes," I whisper, trying to clear my throat as I wipe the tears from my cheek.

Bruce places a hand on my cheek, carefully caressing the skin as I repeat my answer, before his lips crash into mine. He continues to cradle my face as he kisses me once, twice, three times, each time more urgent than the last. Before we make the mistake of celebrating in one of the rooms of the high school, he pulls away, placing a kiss on my forehead before he plucks the ring from its spot in the box. He closes the small box and places it on the desk beside my ring pop and card, before he gently grabs my hand and slides the ring onto my finger.

The ring continues to shimmer under the lights and I can't help but look at it, so in awe. The ring is beautiful, balanced and adventurous, just like the relationship Bruce and I have. "I love you," I say when I finally find my voice.

Bruce nods, gives my lips another small kiss, and stands. "I love you too."

Bruce helps me up and we embrace in a strong hug. There are so many questions I have for him, like how things with Oliver went, and who else beside Lois and Charlie know about this, but for the moment I only want to revel in the bliss being here with Bruce brings. I will find out everything eventually, but for now, Bruce's arms are the only place I want to be. I love this man, I always have, and I cannot wait to finally marry my best friend.

@fyeahwonderbat

#StepsToTheAltar #wonderbat #brucexdiana #fanfiction #au #proposal

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weeklysparksofjoy · 4 years ago

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8.9.20 - 8.16.20

What a whirlwind of a week. This week was my first week off for summer break. I had finally wrapped up my internship and spent a week soaking in the pleasures of life, aka just video games since it’s quarantine time. As a result, this week was filled with fun leisurely activities and naturally, house cleaning. So look down below for what really sparked joy during my period of respite and of fulfilling homeownership responsibilities.

Items

IKEA Karlby (1): Given the current times, a good work-from-home place is a must. It was time to upgrade our cheap $34 Linnmon tables. This was our desk table for 3 years! 3 years! We had silver legs instead of the bright blue ones featured on IKEA’s page, but still, this was literally the cheapest table we could get from IKEA. Now that I will be starting my doctorate program and my boyfriend is working fully remote, plus something called COVID, it was time for us to get a proper office set-up. Enter the Karlby. Yes, it is a countertop. It’s a beautiful, 60 lb., long slab of sort-of wood that gives me enough space to lay 3 monitors on it, if I pleased. If you remember last week’s post on the IKEA Alex , those are the base for our desk. We have one underneath each end of the Karlby and all we had to do was put a non-slip adhesive on top of the Alexes and that was it. No drilling necessary to put two and one together. Essentially, our set-up looks like this (thank you random person from the internet for the photo). It is beautiful and freeing and space to breathe.

Ridgid Shop Vacuum and Toshiba Dehumidifier: Now, for a not as freeing item, but a stress-relief item that I am just truly grateful for. I love storms. I love the sound of the rain hammering against the glass. I love the color of the sky. I love the nostalgia of childhood rainstorms. What I had not yet experienced until this week was what comes with rain - possible flooding. Maryland was hit with rain for almost a week. It was flash flood warning after flash flood warning. Being in the new house, we were tricked into comfort that our sump pump was in working condition. It had only been a month since we moved in and it had passed inspection. It had worked. But let this be a life lesson, after any storm, just check your basement to be sure. We had moved our old Linnmon desks into the basement to make room for the new desks when we stumbled upon the shallow pools of water. Long story short - we had to replace the sump pump. But the basement doesn’t slope down towards it, so we still had standing water. I ran a quick google search after my failed attempt to mop all the water towards the sump pump left us with only a little bit less of water and found that pros recommended a shop vacuum. We rushed over to Home Depot to get there 30 minutes before closing time. Initially, we planned to rent the shop vac for a third of its selling price, but who knows what might happen in the future, so we just bought the thing out right. We purchased the Ridgid 12 gallon wet/dry shop vacuum and watched that thing just inhale all the water from the floors. I had essentially wasted 30 minutes of my life mopping that mess and should have just purchased the shop vac instead. This was such a relief. I was worried we’d have to hire more professionals to clear the flooded waters, but nope, this made it so easy. Sure, there was a bit of water left, but when coupled with the Toshiba 50-pint dehumidifier, which we bought during the same trip, the floor was clear of a single drop of water the next morning. We felt guilty placing the sleek dehumidifier in our unfinished basement, but it fulfilled its role with 5 stars. As a first-time homeowner, the flooding was rather stressful - from worrying about safety to waiting on available professionals, but these two items let me sleep soundly after a long, hectic day. Last, but not least, I need to thank Len the Plumber for sending us a technician within the specified time window (unlike Roto-Rooter) and for the tech replacing our sump pump so quickly! This was definitely a learning experience and although it seems more like a spark of gratitude, I do have to say a clean environment sparks joy for me!

Weed B Gone: Another spark of joy from a clean environment came from our backyard. When we moved in, our backyard was completely ridden with weeds. There was not a blade of grass to be seen. Nevertheless, the weeds were probably about a foot tall. Fast forward a few weeks, where us naive millennials had neglected to care for this problem while continuing to move out of our old apartment and into the new house, and we have ourselves 3-feet tall weeds. I lie not. They were up to my hip. Anyway, they were a major stressor and a persistent nag in the back of my mind. Thus, I got to work and sprayed some Weed B Gone after identifying the majority of the weeds as crabgrass. Alright, so the label says it works immediately - that’s a lie, but it did work in a couple of days. Each day, I would stand by the back door and gloat over the sight of the increasingly limp weeds. Within a week, they were yellowing and hanging over the patio. Once again, this week I found joy in cleanliness and in accomplishing a stress-inducing task.

Video Games

Darkest Dungeon (2): I promise I did not spend my entire week off cleaning. I actually spent most of it playing Darkest Dungeon. I normally hate single-player games, but this one was so fun. I was so addicted to it that I played it almost every day. I really enjoyed building my team, figuring out how to defeat the enemies, and just learning the inside tricks for dungeon interactions. It’s not difficult to learn and I would definitely recommend the game for others!

TV Shows

Star Wars (3): The Clone Wars: My boyfriend and I began watching all Star Wars content in chronological order back in June and we finally finished all of The Clone Wars. I really enjoyed watching The Clone of Wars even though it’s touted as a children’ show. Those final four episodes of season 7 were so beautifully done and had us rooting for Ahsoka the entire time. As a side note, we actually watched Revenge of the Sith in 4(?) different chunks. We followed a guide that showed us where to stop, so that we actually heard some lines repeated in the movie and in The Clone Wars, which was pretty cool. We didn’t follow this guide, but this one is more precise than the one that we used. If you are remotely interested in Star Wars, I recommend you give this challenge a try. It was a lot of fun and touching to see the character development. Also, this may be heinous to say - but the writing in The Clone Wars was better than the prequels’.

Videos

Chloe Ting: I’ve been doing Chloe Ting’s workouts for over a month now. I’ve wrapped up the 4 weeks summer shred challenge and am currently in the middle of the 15 days intense core challenge. I have to say that her videos have successfully transformed me into a daily workouter (I practice Yoga with Adriene during rest days). I actually find myself needing to workout daily, like if I know that I have a busy day ahead, I will figure out how to fit a workout in - no excuses. The truth is I look forward to these workouts and to reflecting upon my progress. I find myself becoming stronger, completing exercises I couldn’t execute the first time around. Even though my weight has actually increased, I feel great and more confident.

Makoccino (4): Last, but not least, this week I made more time for art - something I haven’t done for a long time. I think after high school I was such a workaholic, bouncing from club to club and job to job, that I didn’t give myself to have fun by myself. Makoccino’s videos helped me take the step forward and purchase the art supplies to get started in my watercolor painting journey. I began with her beginners video, which was super easy to follow and although my painting still turned out to look like a product of those wine and paint classes, it still encouraged me to continue further. Watercolor painting is so relaxing and seeing the end product is just so satisfying.

That concludes this week’s sparks of joys, but just to highlight a pattern throughout these posts, joy comes in different shapes and sizes. Joy is often intermixed with other emotions that may sometimes obscure it. If there is anything this practice has taught me is that identifying joys in life on a consistent basis requires patience and a willingness to tease apart the whirlwind of emotions inside us.

Special thanks to Cassie for designing the image! Check out her work on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/meta__morphosis__design/

#weeklysparksofjoy #gratitude #ikea #star wars #clone wars #darkest dungeon #lawn care #chloe ting #makoccino

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the-chanteloup · 4 years ago

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InuYasha RP Bio

Omg. I’m alive! Things have been so hectic, I forgot I had a Tumblr! Silly me. Well, I’ve returned, and with that return, I give you my finalized InuYasha RP bio!

So, I created this character about 18 years ago when InuYasha first aired on Adult Swim. I debuted her on Yahoo!Chat, and when that died, she sort of went into hibernation. With the series coming out, and this sudden surge of InuYasha, I really wanted to finalize her, and get her out into the world. :3

Name (last, first): Setsuna ( Of the Karyukai, The Flower and Willow World )

Nickname(s): Hanyou, Runt, Pup, Geisha

Age: 55 (Youthful appearance, commonly mistaken for 20-25)

Species: Half-Dog Demon, Half-Human (Hanyou)

Gender: Female

Birthday: Around the Winter Solstice

Life Story:

Left on the doorstep of an orphanage in the village of Sawara, in a shabby reed basket during a harsh winter was not the ideal beginning, but, all great legends must start somewhere. Luckily, warm hearts were in good spirits this cold night, and the overseers of this particular orphanage just couldn’t leave a bright eyed, bundle of joy out in the elements. Brought in out of the cold, and raised alongside human children, the pup never really knew she was different, other than having two black fluffy ears atop her head. As she grew, she was given a general education along with the other children, nothing fancy since they were considered the lower class, but enough to get her by should she ever take to selling turnips.

Unfortunately, all fairy tales have to end, and when her 16th year rolled around, she was tossed out into the world to fend for herself.

Being a small Hanyou had its benefits job wise, roaming gangs of thieves were always willing to have her tag along for heists, at a quarter of the profit for most of the dangerous work. But fate is a fickle mistress, and while perusing through a shop during a heist one night, she was detained by an older man named Ino Tadataka, with nun chucks. How embarrassing. She didn’t need superb Demon hearing to know her comrades had bailed, leaving her the scapegoat. However, before she could decide which hand she was okay with having chopped off, the old man offered her a deal. She would assist him in mapping some of the harder to reach places in the area, and in return he would house her, feed her and teach her to read.

Since climbing trees for an old man was a much better option than losing a limb, she hastily agreed, and spent many years assisting “Old Man Ino”, as she called him, in completing his map of Japan.

In the Spring of her last month with Ino, he referred her to an old friend in a village called Kanazawa in the Western Lands for another job. With no other real work leads, other than going back to stealing, she took the lead. When she arrived at the mapped destination Ino had given her, it turned out to be an exotic tea house. She swore on all the Gods above and below that she would knock the taste out of that old pervert’s mouth for this. As she stood outside making her proclamation to bash an old man’s head in, she was interrupted by the tea house’s 'mother', Kikuya. Seeing a rare opportunity to be the only tea house in the district with a Hanyou entertaining, Kikuya took her in instantly.

Amazingly, after several rough years of learning, she was finally “promoted” to the highest rank, Geisha.

Fast forward a few short years, just a few months from fully paying off her debt, she is one of the more popular girls advertised at the tea house. Fully skilled in playing the kokyū, flirting with men in a proper way, starting and losing games of Janken or Daruma Otoshi gracefully, and pouring hot tea in hazardous ways, courtesy of her quick Hanyou reflexes, she has acquired several frequent guests.

A Samurai named Yorimoto quickly became her favorite “customer”, and though they saw each other as nothing more than siblings, she developed a connection to the Human. He was never short on adventurous stories about fighting, and war, which she soaked up like a sponge, enjoying the romantic way he told of their honor code. Being half-Demon, she was naturally drawn to weapons and all their convenient ways of killing things, and eventually convinced Yorimoto to teach her how to use the Naginata. Unfortunately, it was highly un-Geisha like to swing around a “blade on a stick”, as her mother called it, so, under the guise of certain services, they met and trained. Several months passed, and her Samurai was called away to battle, but before he left, Yorimoto gifted her a Naginata all her own, for emergencies, of course.

Even though she was content to stay at her tea house and practice her Naginata in peace until the day when she could afford to open her own business, she also wouldn’t mind a little bit of adventure sneaking in and stirring things up.

Appearance:

Setsuna stands an intimidating five feet tall at her black ear tips, which has earned her the nickname “Runt”. Thanks to her Demon genetics, despite her small stature, she is sturdily built, muscular and has a curvy frame. She is a milky skinned Hanyou with loosely curled raven black hair that trails down to her rear, and cobalt blue, cat like eyes rimmed in coal eyeliner. Her ears are slightly fluffy, and sport two small silver hoops in each, a gift from her Geisha mother, Kikuya. Her claws are a soft pearl color; however, they are kept at a shorter length due to her kokyū playing and aesthetics for the tea house, but they still remain filed to a point and sharp.

Her only truly intimidating feature is a deep, guttural growl that could easily be mistaken for a much larger demon. Setsuna’s normal attire is that of a typical Geisha, minus the white makeup. Elaborate silk kimonos and obis, along with jeweled hair trinkets and pins. Her hair is never tied up, allowing her ears to remain out in the open. When she is training with the Naginata, she dons a black hakama, with a royal blue sash around her waist. Setsuna is almost always barefoot as she likes the feel of Earth on her skin.

Like all Hanyou, she reverts to a mortal Human form on the night of the new moon. She becomes weaker, as she loses all of her Demon abilities. Her hair fades to a dusty blonde color, and her eyes dull to a pale gray.

Personality:

Setsuna is usually the center of the party. Having trained with her Geisha mother, she can strike up conversations easily with almost anyone. She has a laid-back demeanor, seeming to just roll with the punches. A smile of some sort is usually found on her face, giving her an easy to approach look. She has an old wisdom about her, and is always available to offer advice or find an answer to a question. She tends to have a soft spot for animals and children, but she prefers both go home with someone else. Her one true weakness is a field of wild flowers, or flowers of any kind. Though she hates to admit it, she’s a sucker for romance and intimate physical touches.

Unfortunately, with a decent amount of Demon blood in her veins, Setsuna is not the quiet, demure creature one would expect when they see her in full Geisha attire. Having been raised by thieves, her mouth is dirtier than a sewer grate, and her mind has been likened to that of a lecherous old man’s. Even with traditionally excitable genetics, she is calm, collected, and calculating, preferring her enemies to either make fools of themselves or to wander right into her trap. Though she has never been in a true battle, the canine in her usually wishes a mother fucker would so she could let her Naginata bathe in blood. Of course, that doesn’t mean she goes looking for a fight, but should one happen to peek around a corner….

Good Habit(s):

She is very understanding, and a good listener. No problem is too dramatic, or small for her ears. She offers honest advice (This could be good or bad) She is fiercely loyal to those who have earned it. Her colorful background and lifestyle have given her a wealth of wisdom and knowledge, both useful and not.

Bad Habit(s):

Hot headed, she finds a boiling point rather quickly over certain things. Decently excitable, the World is a big adventure to a young Hanyou. Territorial, what’s hers is hers. Cursing bad enough to make perverts blush.

Like(s):

Walking in the forest, feeling the sun on her skin and the Earth on her bare feet. Having her hair done/played with. Food. Training with her Naginata. Playing the kokyū. Listening to stories, mostly battle and war stories. Thunderstorms at night. Wildflower fields.

Special Powers/Abilities:

Aside from the typical Hanyou speed, flexibility and agility, she has a natural ability to hide and camouflage herself due to her small stature. She’s also decently formidable in a fist fight. Intimidating low, guttural growl usually used for intimidation. Rapid healing.

Ambition/Life-long Dream:

Even though she longs for the thrill of battle, a more reasonable ambition would be to finally pay off her debts to Kikuya, and to open her own tea house that specializes in ‘unique’ Geishas like herself.

Love Interest:

Unknown.

Occupation/Job:

Geisha, entertainer, Hanyou

Notes:

Now, I know y'all who follow the series are looking at me like, "Uh...THAT NAME IS FAMILIAR" And, yeah, I know, trust me. I had a moment when the official announcement was made, but when I created Setsuna, I actually used the name from the manga Angel Sanctuary ( showing my age here ), and this character was never meant to follow any sort of canon story line, ever, she was always strictly AU. With all that being said, please don't come for me. xD I am smol and anxiety ridden. I really just wanted to have her bio published, because I love this little shit of a Hanyou. She was one of my very first creations and holds a pretty special place in my cold black heart. A few more notes: I'm totally up for RP! Feel free to send me a note or whatever. I'm pretty laid-back, and open to most scenarios.

I usually ship Setsuna with Sesshomaru, because it's adorable, but, I’m open to any ship.

She has no art. Like I said, this has been a long time coming, so I haven't had any art of her commissioned, but maybe in the near future I will. ( -eyeballs the extremely talented @destinyfall) But, I can give you details and photo references if you decide you would like to RP.

#roleplay #rp #literate rp #inuyasha #demon #original character

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oscarswildetiger · 5 years ago

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I’m just taking a break from an unfuck your habit cleaning spree to complain.

I signed up for Noom shortly after my 30th birthday because I felt like absolute crap about myself. I didn’t want to do any trend diets, I haven’t done that for years, and the whole 30 was a lot more dedication than I really wanted as well. Noom promised something different and well so far it has been. I’m not going to get into Noom too much, but I just wanted to lay the basis that is what I’ve been doing and since when (Last week of November to mid Jan) According to the scale today I’ve lost a total of 21 lbs, but I’m so frustrated. The scale goes up and down. Noom has you weigh yourself every day, and I think the point of that is to see exactly how your weight fluxates, in the beginning I was shedding lbs pretty evenly, then the scale would tick up, I would go 3 days without pooping, then I’d poop and it would be back down. Then my digestive schedule evened out and I would see still a cycle of upticks then downward, then a few days at the same, then up, then down, you get the picture. Yesterday morning I weighed 6 lbs more than I did this morning. I think the scale will say I’ve gained 3 tomorrow, so it’s a victory but also one that feels rather fleeting.

I’ve been exercising a lot more, running on treadmill, I even started derby! But thats a post for another time (though we’ll touch back on this a bit more shortly) my clothes fit better, I’m feeling better, but I’m just fucking annoyed.

My job is so boring that I realize I spent a lot of time eating snacks there because I had so much downtime. Now that I’m not eating so many snacks I’m frustrated at how slow the clock goes between the time I get to work and the time I get to lunch and then again the time that means I can go home. So I sit at work trying to keep myself busy and I’m just annoyed at all the things that I COULD be doing at home and that I can’t do because I’m stuck HERE at a job that doesn’t give me enough work to fill 7.5 hours worth of my day. It feels like a punishment having to wake up, drive 45 minutes to a place where I have to sit in a quiet room and can’t do anything that makes me feel productive. Not to mention my coworker (whom I don’t even like, and I know doesn’t care for me) tells me REALLY personal health information that I would never want to know about anyone, and that no one outside her doctor, husband, and maybe best friend should ever know about (Kidney stones, UTIs, and Yeast Infections OH MY!) I know more about my coworkers scheduled cervix exams than anyone outside an OBGYN’s office should know. Honestly is this a form of sexual harassment? Your coworker oversharing information about their genitals that you never asked or showed any interest in? It’s a form of something thats for sure, and it’s sure as hell not appropriate. Then I come home and either go for a run first or just go straight to spend time making dinner, this is mostly okay, I enjoy cooking and baking so trying new things is nice, sometimes it’s annoying when it doesn’t come together but c’est la vie. But then I’m done cooking and eating and then I’m not sure what to do. I’m tired at this point but I’ve eaten enough food and I’ve been on my feet enough. Counting calories (and types of calories) often leaves little to no room for any alcohol. I used to love a glass of wine with dinner and then usually another glass or two after the fact, and maybe a snack. But now I’m realizing that these things helped me relax and unwind, just like eating snacks throughout the day, eating and drinking after dinner was like part of a ritual, and now I’m stuck without that. Sometimes I drink an herbal tea or a hot chocolate, but its just less satisfying. I came home today early from work because I have a hectic weekend schedule and need to do this deep cleaning that I am currently procrastinating on. I’ve already gotten so much done and I’m glad I took the time off, but like, I also want to make a cocktail and have a pizza right now like it’s no ones business and I simply cannot do that right now. 1. I do have derby practice tonight so I couldn’t drink right now or eat something heavy if I wanted to, and 2. I don’ have that kind of stuff in the house so I’m not going out to sabotage myself. I also know if I chowed down on a whole pizza (a feat that would be a piece of cake a few months ago) I’d feel like ultimate garbage and probably give up cleaning entirely and just lay down and zone out to netflix. This thought is comforting because I know I’m getting more shit done and not eating something that I’ll regret later. Roller Derby gives me a lot of anxiety, I was never the best player but I was excited to be back, but I’m scared to go tonight because I’m feeling frustrated and just want to stay home. My thoughts are telling me that I’m going to suck at laps and that I’m going to make an idiot out of myself tonight because I’m already feeling like a big useless baby anyway from not having anything to do at work all week, but I know I will be self defeated if I don’t go. I’m hoping that by going I’m able to get some of this frustration out (it’s contact tonight so time to hit people!) and I can transfer the negative energy that I’m feeling into some positive endorphin fueled brain matter. I don’t really have a point for any of this, other than my frustrations are at an all time high this week and I have no way to get it out of my system because my previous habits weren’t entirely healthy and I’m not sure how to channel them in a healthy way so now it’s effecting me in all aspects of life and I’m not feeling very healthy at all. It’s just a vicious cycle I’m in right now and I’m fucking fed up.

#weight loss #frustration #work

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mikawa-province · 6 years ago

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The Nile

Title: The Nile Fandom: Samurai Love Ballad: Party/Tenka Touitsu Koi no Ran: Love Ballad Pairing: Tokugawa Ieyasu x MC Rating: PG-13 Word Count (MS Word): 4,545

現状否定　（げんじょうひてい） [genjouhitei] (n) refusal to accept the present situation; denial of the existing situation

Happy Birthday, Tokugawa Ieyasu!

This was not how he envisioned his evening to be.

All Matsudaira Motoyasu wanted was a nice dinner and a bath before he retired to his bedroom, in preparation for a hectic morning ahead, which would consist of heading to the airport to make it in time for his morning flight. Business trips were the bane of existence, especially when it involved flying out of his home country to meet with clients.

Frankly, while he loved his day job, this was one aspect that he thought they should do away with, as he has never been the type to mingle and be nice. Within his workplace, he was known as the sarcastic one who had to be told to stop cursing out, lest he offended the people around him with his foul mouth.

… Not like he cared, really. His workplace could tell him to tone down his cursing all they like, it's not like he would cave in. Rather, his current career choice was something he was doing to tide him over until his dream job became stable enough to be a career.

And just like every dream job, he was still not at that level where he could abandon his day job for the one he had been dreaming of ever since he was old enough to understand what he wanted to do in life.

“Huh, never realize you'd be the type to cohabit with a woman, Motoyasu. Or is she your wife, as the rumors say?” came the familiar drawl that made him want to cringe openly.

Was there any law protecting citizens from getting sued if he slammed the door and claimed that any injury that resulted from said action was simply an ‘accident’? His unwanted guest’s fingers were on the door frame, the most perfect spot for what he was planning, and he was so very tempted to close the door with as much force as he could muster. That should be enough to get his point across.

Then again, no matter how much he tried, Oda Saburou never bothered listening to him.

That, and the man was such a huge gossip, nothing escaped his notice, his hearing, and his network.

As expected of a politician, Motoyasu thought to himself darkly before smiling at his childhood acquaintance.

“She’s neither. The woman is my housekeeper.” while he did not want Oda to know what she really was to him, he figured that telling the partial truth would be enough to satisfy the other man’s curiosity.

Oda, unfortunately, did not thinking that was all there was to the story and pressed on, the notorious busybody that he was. “Really? Just a housekeeper? Yet she lives with you?” [1]

He felt his eyes glare at the direction of the shrewd legislator giving him a sly look. “The arrangement I have with her is none of your business.”

Motoyasu wished that this scenario had never happened.

It was one thing for Oda to confront him about this… unusual setup without her within earshot. Conversations like these were done at expensive restaurants, specifically private rooms that were confirmed not to have been bugged nor tampered with.

Now, with her standing by the doorway beside him… this was the worst scenario he could ever think of. Not only because it did not make sense that member of the National Diet was visiting him on a whim, but Oda was being too persistent with his line of questioning and seemed way too interested and invested with his personal life.

The look on her face said it all: confused, incredulous, and most of all… shock.

Representative Oda Saburou of Aichi Prefecture’s First District [2] was at the front door and acted with so much arrogance, it seemed as if he owned the place.

The blond man resisted every urge to roll his eyes at the sight of the most irritating man in existence. “... Can you leave? I have an early flight to catch tomorrow—” before he could tell the man to fuck off and get lost, Oda raised a hand, as if to greet her and winked!

To his own surprise and anger, she blushed.

Blushed.

Fucking hell.

“Hey you, why don’t you work for me instead? No doubt Motoyasu’s pay rate is shit, and you probably don’t even have your own room.” Oda said, referring to his apartment setup that was definitely not up to a politician’s standards. “Can you really stand to live in a place like this? I’m sure I have more to offer than he does, no offense.” the last part sounded like he had randomly thrown that in to soften the blow, but Motoyasu knew better.

Oda was a demon in his own right, and was subtly trying to provoke him, in an attempt to test his patience.

… Maybe this was the sign he was waiting for.

Oda would still be able to live normally, even after losing a few fingers, right?

Then again, he didn’t need fingers if all he did was use his personal seal [3] to stamp everything in approval.

Just before he could take a single step towards the entryway to slam the door shut, she finally found her voice.

“I-If I may, Representative Oda…” she began hesitantly, wringing her hands before looking directly at the politician. “I would like to respectfully decline your offer. I am happy with what I am doing right now, and Motoyasu has been nothing but kind to me ever since I started working for him.”

Did she just… call him by his first name…?!

He shouldn’t be that surprised, really.

Given that his western upbringing had made him immune to getting surprised when people called him by his given name [4], her calling him by his name other than ‘Matsudaira-san’ for the past few months since she moved in… something akin to ‘fluttering’ made its way to his heart, which horrified and puzzled him at the same time.

Was he really that desperate to hear his name from her lips?

He was more deluded than he thought he would be.

The office teasing was getting to him so bad, he was starting to overthink of matters that he should not even be thinking about.

Nishina Sanae was his housekeeper (not officially, but she referred to herself as such), and he was her employer and boss (according to her, anyway); such a setup shouldn’t bring such crazy ideas to his mind.

Yet… it did.

If they were living overseas, he would have been sued for harassment if he dared to make a move… however, in his home country, their current setup was one of those scenarios that people who wrote fiction for a living made millions of yen from. It was absurd, really, how the master of the house would somehow fall for his housekeeper, courtesy of either clumsy writing or a rather believable storyline that got the masses hooked.

Even so, he never did see her as his housekeeper. She did more than just housesit for him whenever he was away at his day job, or when he did his gig late in the evenings that would last until the early morning. Too exhausted to do his chores, which was brought about by his late-night job, she did it all to help around the house in order to, according to her, pay her share of the rent in lieu of monetary payment. While it sounded so sleazy that she was doing almost all the household work, as he had been used to the notion that chores were done on a give and take basis between two individuals living together, she informed him that she was more than happy to do the chores as it distracted her from falling into a mess.

Until now, she was still unable to secure another job to replace the one that had let her go, and was desperately searching for anything that would allow her to earn the exact same rate that her old job gave her.

“After all, I need to have my own place as soon as possible. It’s gonna be awkward if I’m here and you bring a lady over. I’ll be in the way and she might get the wrong idea.”

He resisted rolling his eyes upon hearing her say that. Dating was far from his mind, especially since he was focusing on his side gig, and, at the same time, trying to keep his head afloat with his day job. ‘Exhausting’ was one way to put it, but there was also the matter of his family to keep in mind.

If only his family was normal, they probably would not bat an eyelash over his personal choices, but they weren’t… exactly what the population would call ‘normal’.

Far from it.

“Really?” Oda did not look convinced. “You find him ‘kind’ when he’s forcing you to make him a lunch box everyday for the past few months?”

This fucking guy was seriously going to get stabbed one of these days. If the yakuza wouldn’t do it, he would definitely be first in line to go through with it.

How long would he be in jail if he ‘accidentally’ stabbed this guy?

… And how the hell did he know about the bentou boxes? Did Oda seriously have spies at his workplace?

He made a mental note to be careful from now on.

“No way, it’s not like that!” she said. “I don’t mind making lunches for him!”

How awkward that what he ate for lunch was becoming a point of intrigue in his company. He had hoped that when he started bringing her home-cooked meals, his co-workers would not notice it; it had been barely two minutes since he began eating when one of them did and straight-up asked him if he already knocked up a woman and married her.

At that time, he found the notion ridiculous. He had no time to ‘knock up’ a woman, with the way his schedule worked, and how exhausted he was day after day.

“Whatever you say, man, but if you’re that oblivious with the way your wife puts a lot of effort in that bentou of yours, I won’t be surprised if she finds someone else who would appreciate her more than you ever will and divorce you.”

… Maybe he really was more exhausted than he thought. His brain was giving him stupid ideas from all that romantic-related nonsense his co-workers were telling him.

Death from overwork was a thing [5], and he had to be careful not to tire himself out too much.

But before all of that, first thing’s first: Oda had to go, either as a corpse, or as a living human being.

“Interesting.” the politician was smirking from ear to ear now. “A home-cooked meal, huh… haven’t had one in a long time.”

Just before the blond man could tell him to simply go home and have his own meal prepared by his personal chef, she just had to do the most annoying thing possible.

“If you’d like, I can cook for you sometime.” she volunteered readily.

Motoyasu did not know why, but he was suddenly seeing red, and the fact that he was feeling rather murderous when Oda’s taunts and teasing did not used to affect him was very alarming. Either way, by the looks of it, it was either he ended up ‘accidentally’ stabbing the man or he shoved the guy out of his apartment, all the while acting as cordial as possible while doing said shoving.

As he still had dreams to fulfill, one of which being his side job becoming a full-time job, he opted for the latter, and made a move to close the door. While doing so, he had accidentally hit her hand as he swung his own to grab the door frame.

“Sorry.” he muttered, wondering why his cheeks felt hot all of a sudden at the contact.

“N-no worries…”

Oda Saburou rolled his eyes upon seeing the red-faced woman and shook his head. “Yeah right, you’re totally not married.” he remarked sarcastically.

“I already told you--”

“Whatever you say, I’m leaving.” before he removed his hand on the frame, he winked at the lone female among them. “I’ll take you up on that offer sometime. See you around.”

Motoyasu slammed the door as hard as he possibly could, rattling the shoe cabinets by the door. Upon seeing her wince from the noise, he sighed heavily before heading off to his room.

What a stressful day it was, having to deal with Oda, and now, the possibility of him visiting more often all because his roommate (was that how he should start referring to her?) had volunteered to cook.

Though… there was also that possibility that Oda would invite her over to his place and…

He thought he had suppressed every emotion related to wanting to kill that man decades ago; why was it making a comeback all of a sudden?

“Matsudaira-san, I’m sorry…”

He was so caught up in his rage that he had forgotten that she was still there, trailing behind him.

“... You did nothing wrong.” he said as calmly as he possibly could, despite the rage in his blood. “Go to sleep. And just so you know, I don’t need breakfast tomorrow.”

“You’re clearly angry at me.” she stubbornly pressed on, somehow misinterpreting his request for no breakfast. “Won’t you tell me what I did to offend you?”

As much as he wanted to not deal with this stupidity caused by his inability to control his emotions, she was forcing him to face the problem head on, which was something that he has been avoiding for the past few weeks.

Damn it all.

Damn Oda for taunting him.

Damn her for being so stubborn.

Damn her for being so damn nice that she was willing to cook for just about anyone who asks.

And lastly…

Damn all of his co-workers for making the things that he never thought deeply about turn into a sick fantasy that had been haunting him for months.

He was really going to regret what he would be saying next, but he had no choice. She had to back down before he did something idiotic. “... You did nothing wrong. Ask me again and you'll regret it, I guarantee you.” he threatened.

He should have known by now that she would never be one of those women who listened to him. Rather, she got defiant at times that he wondered how she could get away with that kind of attitude at her workplace… and how he was amazingly able to tolerate all of it.

It was either that, or she only became impertinent while in his presence.

He had half a mind to discipline her, but backed down immediately, knowing that she really was more of a roommate than a housekeeper, and he had no authority over her.

Still… maybe spanking her wouldn't be such a bad idea.

He stopped himself before his mind wandered off to place that shouldn't even be worth considering, yet his mind did, and conjured images it didn’t.

Ugh, this was such a pain in so many different ways, and he was feeling the effects.

“Tell me.”

That fucking did it.

He turned around and glared at her.

“... Don't say I didn't warn you.”

She didn't realize she had followed him to his bedroom until he turned around and gave her a look that told her she was in big trouble.

Why couldn't she had just kept her mouth shut?!

Time and again, her mouth was the very cause of the various problems that ended with her always getting scolded or, worse, fired from her job for ‘insubordination’. While she would rather have a roof over her head for an indefinite period of time until she could pay the deposit for her own apartment, it was still well within her roommate's right to tell her to pack up and leave.

There was always the option of going back home, but she would rather not.

Tokyo was much more fun than her hometown, which was already so overcrowded with tourists.

That, and her roommate was not at all unpleasant to look at.

Not at all.

… Unless he was glaring at her and he was looking like he wanted to pummel her.

She never knew what ‘paralyzing fear’ was until this very moment, when he slammed a hand to the side of her face as she shrieked from the loud noise and found her back pressing against the bedroom door, feeling herself shrink from him looming presence.

Was she seriously that distracted moments ago that she actually closed the door behind her, forgetting that she was not going to clean his room, and was not at all supposed to be in her ‘housekeeper mode’?

Hell, did she just potentially entrap herself in his room?!

A thousand profanities ran through her mind as she felt her heart race in panic.

He was seriously going to punish her.

‘Why did you even do that?!’ her mind screamed at her. ‘Are you seriously asking to be thrown out in the streets? And on winter even!’

She really, really needed to keep her mouth shut from now on.

That, and having the common sense to know what to say and what not to say during certain situations.

Before she could open her mouth to beg for forgiveness, all of a sudden, her peaceful world violently spun away from its orbit.

Oh. My.

The profanities that her mind was shouting nonstop had ceased, and was replaced with… dead silence.

How was she supposed to reach over the fact that her boss, no, her “roommate” was… well… to put it simply, he was pressing his mouth against hers while he leaned closer to her…? While she have had encounters like these, this was one of the only times wherein she did not recoil at the physical closeness of both their lips and their bodies.

It also did not help that he was not at all unattractive. No doubt, there were probably women who have tried to pick him up over at Roppongi in the hopes of getting noticed, but failed to do so. His angelic-like features belied the sarcasm that he kept in check, fooling nearly everyone around him. She, too, had also been a victim, both with lacking the oversight to notice the little devil behind the charming smile, as well as his rather colorful vocabulary.

Underneath it all, however, was an awkward man who had a hard time saying his true feelings. Despite her situation, not once did he force her to clean his apartment in lieu of monetary compensation.

… Was that why she was totally okay with him kissing her…?

She was seriously losing her mind.

The last thing she wanted was to get into some kind of situation that would make everyone, including her, very awkward and uncomfortable.

Roommate, boss… whatever the hell their relationship status is right now, she would rather not get involved with someone like him.

… Well, maybe after a few minutes, she would have the courage to tell him to stop.

This man was seriously too talented with his mouth. It had been a struggle not to moan as he coaxed her with his lips to open up, but as soon as a throaty moan escaped her lips, she felt her face flame in embarrassment.

He pulled away for a bit to take in some air, and she could have sworn she heard him mutter, “Too damn cute…” before kissing her once more. This time around, his hands were slowly making its way down her torso before wrapping his arms around her waist to steady her.

It was now or never.

She found herself wrapping her arms around his neck and standing on the tip of her toes, her tongue slipping within his parted lips.

There was no turning back.

He was such a deluded good-for-nothing maniac.

He was seriously going to get sued for taking advantage of his housekeeper, roommate… whatever the hell their relationship is at this point in time. Not to mention, if she does sue him, he could say goodbye to everything he had worked hard for in the past year, all because of his uncontrollable urges. Embarrassingly, something snapped in him, and… well… she had somehow thought it was a good idea to close the door behind her when she followed him to his room.

Then again, who was he to talk? At first, he thought it would be a good idea to threaten her, jokingly, and look at where it led him.

They were close to making out at this point, with her fingers unbuttoning the dress shirt he wore for work.

Fuck that, he would never see his plain old boring work outfit the same way ever again.

No doubt, his mind would associate his work shirt with the current scenario and…

God help him if he would be unable to concentrate with his day job after this—

Thinking about his day job had snapped him out of his lust-filled thoughts.

This has got to stop, he thought to himself.

Abruptly, he placed his hands on each of her shoulder and slowly pulled away from her.

“S-sorry…” why was he such a wimp, stuttering while apologizing to the person who had been supporting him for the past few months, only for him to suddenly assault her? He was such an awful person, he wouldn’t be surprised if she ran away after everything that had happened.

Hell, even he could not process everything that had happened just now.

“I mean… my apologies, I did not mean… for this to… happen.” he ended lamely, knowing that he had no reason at all for doing what he did, other than him acting like a hormonal teenager.

Before she could say anything, he turned the handle of the door to open it. “... See you around, I guess.”

All of a sudden, he was so looking forward to flying out of the country for a couple of days.

He needed to stay far, far away from her.

The sooner, the better.

He was such a mess, and so was his mind.

Was he… telling her to leave his room, or his household in general?

As if on auto-pilot, she found herself bowing her head, muttering ‘good night’, and leaving his bedroom. How she had managed to do it so calmly, she would never understand.

It was difficult to think straight immediately after getting kissed as if she mattered, and that he could not get enough of her. Every gesture made her knees unstable that it had really been a good idea for her to hold on to him.

Which was why it had hurt when he told her that he did not mean for it to “happen”.

Just what exactly did he mean by that?

Was he regretting making out with someone like her, a nearly-penniless girl who was both his roommate and his housekeeper…?

She wish he didn’t; she didn’t regret any of it.

… Besides, it had been somewhat a wish come true, at least, for her.

Hell, maybe it was time for her to openly admit the fact that she was thoroughly attracted to the man who had been kind enough to take her in when her whole world came crashing down one day. He wasn’t perfect by any means, but he was not awful as he made himself out to be, nor she found him unpleasant to deal with.

That, and… well… there was also that one incident that had cemented the whole foundation of her infatuation towards him.

At that point, she was still in denial with regards to her feelings towards him, as she knew that the odds between them actually upgrading their relationship status was rather low. He never really interacted much with her, and vice-versa, as it had been all professional and rarely casual.

… Until that incident.

She had been minding her own business that Saturday morning when something else better than coffee woke the ever living daylights out of her for two days straight: the sight of her naked boss.

At that times, she was busy cleaning the wash basin of his second bathroom when, at the exact same time he exited the bathroom, she happened to catch a glimpse of him from the mirror placed above the very basin she was cleaning.

If there was one thing that she discovered that day, it would be that overworking one’s self was always a bad idea, as it led to poor decisions and judgments, and that the man she was living with was… well…

If she had to be honest, what she saw on the mirror was definitely… impressive.

The very memory of that impressive sight had been forever burned both in her retinas and in her mind.

That had been the very first time she had found out that Matsudaira Motoyasu was a workaholic, as he had been going home very late that week, only for him to crash and burn that Saturday morning. Whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, she could never decide, but for him to actually admit that he could not remember going into the shower that morning and exiting it as naked as the day he was born and passing out after he put his underclothes on, it was a conundrum, really.

On one hand, he did not know that she had caught a glimpse of him.

On the other hand, that incident had forced her to confront her feelings for him all of a sudden, which had kept her up all night for several nights.

After all, how was it even possible for her to see her ‘boss’ in such an… intimate way? The man had been nothing but forgiving in every sense, even if, at times, she wanted to hit him for his callous remarks about everything.

His sharp tongue aside, it was getting incredibly difficult for her to continue to ignore her growing feelings.

While she had been very good with running away from her problems, now was not the time to be doing such, especially since her current situation afforded her with little to no options of doing so.

The best thing she could do, for now at least, was to act as if nothing happened, and that she was totally not shaken to the core with what had happened.

Yep, that was the best thing she could do with her current predicament.

With him going overseas, that would definitely make it easier for both of them. Some separation time was needed, and she would be glad to have a few days all to herself, as the last thing she wanted was to make a fool out of herself in front of him by becoming too flustered over their interactions.

Hell, she had some growing up to do.

It was just a kiss.

People kissed other people all the time… right?

She grimaced at herself, knowing that it was always a struggle to convince herself to feel the opposite of her true emotions.

The worst.

Notes:

[1] “Really? Just a housekeeper? Yet she lives with you?” - If there’s one thing that’s odd with this phrase, it’s that it’s extremely rare for Japan households to have a live-in helper. If they do live in the same household, it means that the family that employs them are very rich and can provide lodging and such.

[2] Aichi Prefecture’s First District - good old Wikipedia helped me out on this one. First District includes Naka Ward, which happens to be the area where Oda Nobunaga was born. He was born in Nagoya Castle, by the way.

[3] Then again, he didn’t need fingers if all he did was use his personal seal to stamp everything in approval. - while some transactions in Japan can be completed with simply a signature, some traditional banks require you to use a stamp. Personal seals (私印) are used to complete transactions, and you do need to have one in case they don’t accept signatures.

[4] Given that his western upbringing had made him immune to getting surprised when people called him by his given name - Calling people by their first name implies closeness that can range from ‘we’ve known each other all our lives’ to ‘s/he is my lover’. Most of the time, that rule applies. There are exceptions to this, as always.

[5] Death from overwork was a thing - it’s called karoushi (過労死), and it’s very real.

Bonus: as for the title, remember, denial is just a river in Egypt. ;)

Oh wow I actually made it in time for Ieyasu’s birthday this year lmfao Happy Birthday to the Tanuki of Mikawa!

Apologies if my writing was all over the place. I’ve rushed it a bit to make it in time but I hope it was tolerable at least.

Lastly, this is the first of many planned one-shot/s involving modern AU and Tokugawa Ieyasu/Matsudaira Motoyasu x MC. Depending on the reception of this fic, I may or may not expound further.

Once again, thank you for reading!

#slbp fanfic #slbp fanfiction #slbp ieyasu #slbp motoyasu #tokugawa ieyasu x mc #koiran #koiran lb #現代シリーズ

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prissypickle · 5 years ago

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I did it

One year ago today I finished highschool. One year ago today I finished the toughest journeys of all times. Highschool was probably one of the worst experiences of my life. There was so many people who ruined it but there was so many people who made it better for me. My freshman year I attempted suicide and was admitted to a mental hospital and and no school wanted to take me in. At the time Fir Ridge Campus didn’t take in freshman. So I had no choice but to drop out. David Douglas straight up told me that I couldnt go there. I had too many problems and They couldn’t give me an education. In spring of my freshman year I enrolled in an online school called metro east web academy. Of course with all my mental health issues I had no motivation to do any of it. In the end I only got one credit for it. And that was for creative writing. I’m with ICTS which is where people come outd to your house three times a week for therapy. So I was with them for six months. It was hard saying goodbye. But then I went yo seeing a therapist once a week. I was still cutting often. But back to my schooling, I didn’t do anything and my mom was so pissed at the david doglas school district because the refused to put me in a school and finally she wrote a three page nasty letter saying how I needed to be in a school and thats how I got to fir ridge.

My freshman year I was so scared. I couldn’t tell you how scared I was. I didn’t go to school. I was fucked up in the head, cutting and I didn’t know anyone. So I didn’t really talk to anyone on my first day. But within a few days I met a small group of friends that I could relate to. Which was great. The next best thing was that there was a school counselor and a therapist that came to the school. So on top of going to seeing a therapist once a week I went to see him once a week. He was from Trillium services. He was a great therapist. I saw him from 45 minutes to an hour. My school counselor was mamed Michael and he was probably the best counselor anyone could ask for. He understood me. When I needed my space he let me sit in the office or library and do my work. When I had my mental break downs he gave me a quiet space. He was amazing. I have terrible anxiety with loud noises and whenever we had a firedrill I would cry and have a panic attack when there was he warned me and brought me to the office telling me when so I wasnt as afraid. As I said. He was the best school counselor anyone could ask for.

I had this friend. Her name was Iris. I cared for her so so much she was my first friend I made in middle school and she went to a diffent school but she had problems at the time and so she was looking into my school and I was thrilled. But before ahe came she also had issues and so she went to a rehab place. I called her family every day to see how she was doing. I sent flowers and cards because well, wouldn’t a best friend do that? When she got out she started at Fir Ridge Campus a bit later. I was so happy we reunited again. We started having sleep overs and everything. Okay? But one time during a sleepover she stole her parents credit card and bought something, which was a peircing kit and I had no idea so she came to my house when it was delivered and took it before I was home. I’ll also mention around two years ago she stole my ipod. But anyway so this happened and it happened once more but with tea but ahe sent it to her house instead of mine. So her mom was like “you arent ever allowed to see her again” blaming me for her daughter peircing herself. That was the hardest thing for me to hear because she was my best friend. Or so I thought she was. I believe this was all happening during my Junior year or late sophomore I cant remember it was so hectic. Ill come back to this bitch a little bit later.

But my Junior year I did this amazing thing called camp pheniox. That was the second the best and worst part of highschool. Its a two day overnight camp plus 4 weeks of after care. During the two nights you broke yourself down talking about the horrible things in life and at the end you are rebuilding yourself and raising up into a pheniox. During the process you did multiple activites which were happy, sad and heartbreaking realizing how fucked up and broken you were on the inside. One of the days you clumb a tree and tell everyone what you committ to. And I said I committ to my family and my support system. And then you had to walk on a tightrope with another person and jump when you couldnt do it anymore. And the other classmates are completely in control of the rope and your harness. Then the second activity we did was get in a harness and go up and your classmates pull you up until you say stop. Basically a gaiant swing okay. So I was letting go past teachers which I will get on explaining to more. And then letting in good teachers and then you yank it and I did a 90 foot free fall and holy shit was that fun. As i said it was the best and wors part of it because i landed up in teen intensive outpatient because I was cutting and I was extremely depressed.

But back to the teacher thing. There was a history teacher her name was Karen and she was a bitch to me. She hated me. And She KNEW i struggled with anxiety and she KNEW that I hated being with loud people and so I always needed to go to the office to see a counselor and I always finished up my work at home. And finally she was like you have to go to detention to finish this. And so Im in the office complete sobbing and my council waves it off. And other time with her was when my counselor talked to her about it she didnt talk to me for 3 DAYS like seriously she was so immature. Then When I came back from thr weekend she didnt call on anyone else but me. Then at the end of the week there was a new seating chart and I came in late because I was talking yo the trillium therapist okay and she shows me my seat and Im calm and I say no. And shes like yes. And I calmly explain to her why I cant go sit next to him because be gave me anxiety. And then she PROCEEDS to yell at me infront of the whole class who is now stairing at me and Im completely crying now infront of the class go to the principals office to fucking write me a refferl because i was arguing with her. Which the princapal immediately threw it out. The princapal at the time was absolutely amazing. She took me out on the track as I cried and walked with me.

So my junior year is happening and I went to camp pheniox and outdoor school it was great okay. So I went to outdoor school for my third session and I broke my ankle and had to stay home for a week and you remember this Iris girl who is my best friend??? Well not anymore. When I was away at outdoor school where I couldn’t DEFEND myself she went to the counselor and said. That I raped her and drugged her with majauana. And In like balling my eyes out because Im so fucking confused and why she did that. And so the counselor literally asked if I did it and Im like what the fuck do you really think I did it. And Im like crying at her because Im so upset. Like who in the right mind would accuse someone of rape. I mean I work with children. I was a swim instructor at the time. If she went to the police I could’ve been arrested and fired from my job which she didnt go because she knew she was a lying skank ass bitch. Also they couldve drug tested me because I wasnt even smoking at the time! And so Im in the office and my counselor is like “what are you feeling?” And I littlerly upfront say” I want to punch this bitch in the face,” she she looked at me “you cant do that” and Im like “no shit I cant do it. I want to but tgat doesnt mean I am going to.” And she sighs like after and hour of fuming she tells me Im not allowed to tell ANYONE and Im like fine whatever.

But I go to my momma jill and tell her and I like an crying to her and shes just holding me. But seriously then the vice principal calls me in during third period to talk more about what happened ALSO i had a freaking alliby because I was at fucking teen Intensive outpaitent during the time she accused me! Basically it was a whole clusterfuck

. It got 100% worse when there was an assembly and youll never guess who was running it the skank ass Iris. So she started talking about rape. And then she says “someone here raped me” and then she looked over at me. I kid you not. And my dad was there and he stood up and I cant remember exactly what he said but it was along the lines of “you shouldnt accuse anyone of rape either,” he said or something like that Im to busy crying and my teacher holding my hand. Finally my dad comes over to me and says were leaving. So my worst fear now the whole school knows that Iris accused me of rape and drugging her. So im literally in the gym having the WORST mental breakdown of my life and I mean screaming at the too of my lungs dropping to the knees hitting the floor. There was the security guy and Joey one of the teachers along with the princapal and vice principal trying to calm me down. And my dads crying because hes upset because of what Iris had said. And they told me to stay home for a few days until I could calm down.

So I came bac the following monday. I was so depressed I wanted to die. I almost had another suicide attempt but I thought about Taylor Swift and how I would never get t meet her and that just made me hold onto life just a little bit longer. So by the end of the year it was time for prom and so I was nominated for.... you guessed it prom court equivalent to prom princess/prince and can you guesd who was nominated too? That bitch Iris. So we were BOTH up against each other and trust me I was NOT going to let her win. So I baked my ass off and probably made over 200 cupcakes and fed them to the entire school and when I was time for prom. I won. I won prom princess. That was the best night of my entire life. My entire highschool carrer I felt normal. Everything was perfect

. Soon my Junior year ended. And summer came and went and my Senior yesr started. I only needed 1 credit to graduate .5 government .5 global studies. So I took government first which I got like knocked down a ton because i refused to do presentations because i hate speaking infront of a class but I still passed with a A. Then global studies I REFUSED to take with Karen again. So I did 5 at least 250 page packets in one quarter. And I still graduated early two quarters early. I started school my sophomore year because they didnt count it as a freshman and ended my senior year. I worked my ass off. And I graduated in 2 1/2 years. I graduated. I did it. I made it. Evern after a suicide attempt. Witnessing my mom attempt suicide my sophmore year, Iris accusing me of rape. All of that and I still graduated and I was second in class too. I’ve never been more proud of myself in my entire life. I didnt think id ever make it here. I thought in 2014 I was going to die. But I didnt. I’m still here. Alive and succeeding in life. Im a caregiver now. I’m getting my CNA in July. I made it. I did it.

#little #babygirl #little space #baby #little girl #little one #age regression #princess #daddy #mommy #my story #graduation #class of 2018 #highschool #high school

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fatrainbowmermaidunicorn · 6 years ago

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Common, Regular, Ordinary (Jungkook x You x Taehyung ONESHOT)

A/N: Hello @you-need-namjesus Thankyou for your request. I am sorry to hear that. No one deserves to be feeling like you do right now and I might not know you are or know what you are going through but there's always gonna be sunshine after a storm. Im glad you find my writing to be helping you through the rough times, as so many other writers has done for me. If you ever feel the need to talk or rant, feel free to slide into my DM or ask box. I can talk to you about the seriousness of things to the silliest of topics 😊. You can even go anonymously if you prefer. I want to be here for you. And I want you to remember you are not alone. 😘

And I hope this story fits your request and please enjoy <3

MASTERLIST

Y/N pulled her mask to secure it around her face and adjust her black trench coat around her body. Its going to be a long day today, she can already feel it.

"You ready?" She smile behind the mask and nodded her head to the girl next to her, her most loyal assistant and pushed her sunglasses on.

"Lets go," the assistant ushered her out. Y/N takes a deep breath and steps out from her private plane. She secretly thanked god for the invention of private planes, or else she wont know how her tired body is ever going to able to cope. She's been basically living on air and airport to airport for the last six months with her hectic schedule thats being planned for all around the world. Looking back, its funny how just a few years back she have to save up all her money for months just for an economy ticket to Jeju and now she owns not one but two private jets and have a whole entourage walking out behind her. She walks out and lifted her head to sniff the fresh air that smells so familiar and she badly missed.

She's finally back home.

After five most tiring years of her life, shes back.

Shes finally back after she swore to herself five years ago that she wont ever step her foot in her home country ever again before she made it big.

She work night and day to achieve that dream, believing and knowing that someday she will be able to fly home again.

They start walking into the airport and she can already hear the faint screams of her fans. Barriers are already set up along the walkway from her plane to the car and security dressed in black lined up, ready to protect her if need be. Once the main arrival door opened, the screams got so loud and the crowd was overwhelming. She took in her surrounding and saw the whole airport is deck out with her fans, screaming and shouting her name, she felt bad for the other people who is unfortunate enough to fly out at this airport today. She look around and some fans are even crying, some are holding cardboard cards with her name on it and shoving flowers and gifts towards her, which her assistants happily accepted on her behalf. Her managers used to tell her that its dangerous to get close to the fans just to accept their gifts, but Y/N insisted that they do. The fans worked hard to make or buy the gifts, especially for her. The least she could do for these people who made her who she is today is to accept it with a smile and an open heart.

Afterall, without them, L/N Y/N is just another ordinary girl from a small little town.

Ordinary.

Regular. Common.

"We cant do this anymore. I...I mean, I cant do this anymore," he gather all courage and try to look into her eyes. What he sees is clear pain and sadness. "I'm sorry Y/N. I love you. But... my career doesnt allow me to be with somebody... ordinary,"

"Ordinary?" She mumbled the words. Yes, she knows she is just a normal university student who everyday life only includes attending classes and a part time job in a student's cafe. She doesnt go on tours or spend her days in studios and practice room. But... does Jungkook, the love of her life Jungkook, who was supposed to make her feel special, need to call her ordinary? Y/N looked down at her attire and self conciousness starts to overwhelm her. Jungkook looks like a God with his perfectly fitted skinny ripped jeans and white shirt, paired with a leather jacket and here she sat, in last night's overside shirt and worn out shorts. She starts to pull on her shirt, adjusting it and tucking her hair, trying to make her look more 'less' ordinary, feeling self concious about her looks.

"I... I know I'm just a normal girl, but we are in love... arent we? Does it really matter to you that I'm just someone living an ordinary life?"

"I do love you... but Y/N... its something I have to do. I need someone who is more suited for me,"

Y/N shakes her head to clear the painful memory from her mind and picked up her pace to get to the car faster. She only just landed and she already feeling extremely exhausted, wanting nothing more than to get into the hotel and rest her tired mind away as fast as she could.

/////

"You have this first week free Y/N, before the landslide of schedule comes in. What do you want to do?" Meen A smile at her. Meen A is one of her oldest assistant. She was with her when she was just a young, naive, ordinary girl, and with the years they have spend together, she quickly become her best friend rather than her assistant. "Shopping? Spa? Facial? Walking around? Or just sleeping?" she chuckles. Y/N giggle. Sleeping does sound tempting. She rarely have enough time to sleep as it is. But... she has another exciting plan to execute.

"Do you even have to ask?" They look at each other before squealing at the same time.

"Food!"

/////

They walked along the busy street hand in hand, Y/N wrapped in her masked, coat and scraf, sunglasses donning her face to conceal her identity.

"Do you really think people wont recognize you with this silly getup?" Meen A eyes her before looking at the people walking who are already whispering.

"They wont! Im not that well known! Besides, they are just looking because who wear black clothes that covers almost everything in the middle of summer," Meen A rolled her eyes.

"Are you kidding me? You are currently the world No 1 celebrity! You are the most sought after multi talented singer, composer, actress, director, entrepeneur, model, fashion icon and girl next door rolled in one!" She exclaimed. "You hang out with Taylor Swift! You walk the runway with Kendall Jenner! Tyra Banks invited you to tea and Drake to his album launch! Even Justin Bieber tried to make a move on you. I cant barely keep up with your social calendar. Everybody wants to be you or be with you! How is that not considered a No 1 celebrity?"

"Stop exaggareting! They are just my friends! I'm not all that and you know it,"

"No. You stop being so humble! You are all that and you know it" Meen A huffed in frustration, as she always does whenever they have this conversation, making Y/N smile. "I think you are the only celebrity in this world who didnt let all your fame and riches get over you head. You are really great. But I always wonder why,"

"There's a special someone that I once met and there's just something that he told me that stays in my heart. His words hit me hard and after all these years, I believe he has a point," Y/N smile softly at the memory. "And I want nothing more than to just be an ordinary girl,"

Her mind drifted back to the day he met that particular stranger. The day that mark the changing of the rest of her life for good.

/////

"Lets eat here! Its secluded and not many people around. Also, I heard they served the best food here!" Meen A pulled her hand into a restaurant and they took a table at a back corner. This restaurant was said to be popular among celebrities and is often frequented by them.

"Oh my god. Isnt that-" Meen A gasps in excitement when they make their way to the back table, making Y/N raised her head from shoving her mask and sunglass inside her bag and look at what is making her friend so happy. She looks up to find seven pair of eyes with a table filled with food, all looking at the two of them. She was confused as her eyes roamed to each and every one of them.

Who are they? Are they someone well known too?

Y/N doesnt really update herself about the celebrities and the music industry in her home country. Not because she thinks she's too good for them. No, not at all. Its because she didnt want to know about a certain someone. She doesnt want to know anything at all.

"But... my career doesnt allow me to be with somebody... ordinary,"

And that certain someone is looking straight back at her as her eyes falls on the seventh person on the table.

"-Bangtan!" Meen A squeal.

Y/N automatically starts to panic as she tries to grabs Meen A, dragging her out from there, surpising her friend who was too caught up with the shocmed of finally meeting her favorite idol.

Jungkook quickly rise from his seat the moment her eyes catches his. The eyes that is so familiar, too familiar. The eyes that he has been looking for for the past five years. Seeing how panic she is and how she started to reached out for her friend and make her exit immediately, Jungkook rushed over and grabbed her hand, the rest of his hyungs watching in confusion and amazement.

What is going on?

"Y/N! Wait. Please. Plesase I'm begging you. Wait," he pleads, but Y/N maintained her head looking at the ground, her body slightly shaking and Jungkook realized she is crying. Meen A finally snapped herself out from the shocked and held onto Jungkook's arm that's holding her hand.

"Sir... I think its best you let her go,"

"No," Jungkook shakes her head, frowning and desperate. "I cant. I wont be able to see her again. Please Y/N. Look at me. Talk to me," he turned towards Y/N and beg. Meen A sense the distress her friend is feeling and her hold on Jungkook's arm tighten.

"You have to let her go. Now. Or else I have no other choice but to call Miss Y/N's security team,"

"No. No. There is no need for that," Namjoon is immediately by their side, smiling his dimpled smile at Meen A. "Im sorry. I dont know what is going on with our maknae. But we will let her go now. Jungkook, let go of her hand," his voice is filled with dominance that Jungkook shakes a little. Its rare to see Namjoon like this. Only during times when he knew he had screwed up big times. And apparently today is one of the time.

"Now, Jungkook,"

"But hyung..."

Y/N's body shakes even more although she kept her head low and turned, not wanting to see even a strand of hair that belongs to Jungkook. Everything about him hurts her and reminds her of the heart break she felt that she had never really recovered from. Meen A began to worry. Y/N is slowly starting to go into hyperventilation.

How does she know Bangtan? She never speak of them before? And what makes her so scared of the maknae? So many questions filled Meen A mind but her hand is quicker as she dialled the other manager who is with the car. Y/N might think that she is able to walk freely, but little did she know that with her mega celebrity status, her manager and security team is always only a few step behind, hidden, whenever she goes out.

Specifically for an emergency occasion like this.

"Kookie... I think you should let go okay. We promise we will get to see her again," Taehyung stood up and try to persuade the determined maknae. He dont know who Jungkook is clinging on to but it seems that the girl is trying her very best to get away from him.

"How do you know hyung? I...I," Jungkook's eyes are already glazed with unshed tears. He cant let go. Not now, when he finally gets her back.

"I know... uh because we will contact this Miss and we will meet them again!" Namjoon quickly came out with something and look at Meen A for help, who nodded her agreement quickly.

"Here is my card. Call me and make an appointment to see Miss Y/N. But for now, please let her go," she tugged on Jungkook's hand who finally lets go. Y/N immediately ran out of the restaurant before Jungkook could say anything.

"Uh thank you. Just... call. If you need anything," Meen A ran out immediately only to find Y/N collapsed on the sidewalk not far fron the restaurant, crying her eyes out.

Oh, Y/N. What happened to you?

"What the hell was that Kook?!" Namjoon yelled at him the moment Y/N and Meen A ran out of the restaurant. "You cant just grab random people like that!"

"Yeah, especially girls who look deathly afraid of you," Yoongi added from the table.

"She's not a random girl..." Jungkook managed to meekly defend himself.

"Yes. She is definitely not random. She's L/N Y/N, the mega superstar. She could sue us and Tae would have to sell every Gucci he owns to pay for it, and that still wont be enough! What are you thinking Kookie?" Hoseok yelled out from across the table.

"Shit. That's the Y/N?" Namjoon turned to Hoseok who nodded. Just realizing with whom they just encountered. "I didnt get to see her face clearly just now,"

"She's not just Y/N to me..." Jungkook explained, head bowed down to the table. The rest of his hyungs looks at him curiously. "She's my first love,"

"What?!"

The rest of the boys starts to bombared him with questions. Demanding the maknae to explain everything that happened between him and Y/N.

During the commotion, they didnt realized that there is someone who is still repeating the recent event in his head, throughly trying to memorize the face that she tried to hide from them. Taehyung is still staring at the door where Y/N just ran out from, his mind spinning, lost in thoughts.

Why does it feel like I have known her before?

/////

"Are you okay? What happened back there?" Meen A turned her body to face her friend who is now wrapped in a blanket curled up in a ball on her bed. It took her a while to dragged Y/N from the sidewalk and coaxed her to stop crying, before the by standers who started to give them weird looks recognized who she is. Y/N was short on breath and panicking the whole time and Meen A was worried to death. She had never seen her like this. Not even before one of her biggest performace. She was always calm, happy and all smiles.

What does Jeon Jungkook have, or possibly did, that could possibly make her like this?

"Y/N? Dont you want to tell me?" She asks softly, as she slides into bed beside her, hands carressing her hair. "I have never seen you like this. Im worried. Can you please tell me what happened?" She tries again and is still met with silenced. Meen A takes a deep breath and reluctantly asks the question that she knew could trigger her best friend.

"Is it... something to do with Jeon Jungkook?

At the sound of his name Y/N turned around and hug her tight, tears wetting her tshirt as she starts to cry again. Meen A just hugged her back and wait until she calms down. Whatever happened between them must have broken her into pieces.

"He... he," she tried to spit out the words between sobs. "He... Jung...Jungkook... is my first love,"

"What?" Meen A's eyes widen. How come she didnt know about this? Y/N was in a relationship with a member of such a well known group? "What happen then Y/N? You can tell me..."

"He broke my heart Meen A," she raised her head and stare straight into her eyes. She can see the hurt and pain in Y/N's eyes so vivid and clear, it gives chills down to her spine. "He broke my heart and changed my life forever,"

People say that being a teenager in love is the best feeling in the world, and Y/N couldnt agree more. She was only 15 when she and Jungkook got together. After countless exchange of shy smiles and late night texts, Jungkook finally found his courage and ask her to be his under a starless sky.Their relationship was strong and happy, even when Jungkook was accepted as a trainee, nothing seem to change for them.

"Nothing will change. I promise. Maybe I wont be able to see you or call you as much as before, but I love you Y/N, wait for me. I will come back for you and make you proud," was the promise Jungkook made her and the promise that she strongly held on too. True to his promise, Jungkook never forgets her, he still comes home to see her whenever he could, spending sleepless nights kissing and holding each other tight.

The success came to Jungkook and his group like rapid fire the moment they debuted, and soon enough his schedule was packed to the brim. Y/N maintained her ordinary life as an ordinary teenager, getting a placed in one of the country top university give her the opportunity to move to town and be closer to Jungkook. Their relationship, although always comes second to Jungkook's career, is still filled with loved and happiness. Y/N was too drunk in love and consumed with happiness that she doesnt care that Jungkook has to hide their relationship, or the fact that he barely has time for her. She thought they would last forever. She thought his love for her would be enough to last them till eternity.

But everything change one fateful day.

She hasnt seen him for months since he was on tour, a normal occurance when you are dating a celebrity. What's not normal is Jungkook seems to call her less, replied to her text less and doesnt seem too excited to hear her voice whenever she managed to call him. She shrugged it off as exhaustion and think nothing of it. They have been together for so long, its already his fourth year after debut. There couldnt possibly be anything wrong right?

"Kookie!" She jumped on him for a kiss the moment he entered but he dodged her, making her confused for a moment before shrugging it off. Maybe he is just tired. They havent seen one another for months now and he is finally back from tour! She miss him so much. "Where's your luggage?" She looks behind him to see nothing.

"I..ah left it at the dorm," he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Why? You are not staying over tonight?"

"Listen... about that. I have to tell you something," he held her hand and lead her to the couch. They sat with their body turned to faced each other.

"What's wrong Kookie? Did something happen? Is everyone okay?" Jungkook just look at her face. The face he knows he's going to miss so much after today.

"Everyone's alright," he answered softly. "Y/N... you know how much recognition Bangtan is getting now right?" She nodded and smile. She couldnt hide how happy and proud she is for him, although nobody knows her relation with the maknae.

"And you know how our every move is being watch right?"

"Yes..." Where is Jungkook going with this?

"I dont think we can hide our relationship anymore," Y/N's eyes widen and sparkle.

"Kookie, are you saying we should go public?" She squeals. "I can finally do boyfriend things with you! I had always wanted to go to the park and watch the city from the top of the ferris wheels with you!" That was her only wish. She didnt want to ride on Jungkook's popularity. She just wants to be in love and spend time with her boyfriend like everybody else does. That is the only thing she ever wanted from him.

"Urm... no Y/N.I'm sorry but that's not what I meant..." her face fell.

"Oh. Its okay Kookie," she let out a small smile. "Then what is it?"

"Listen... urmmm," Jungkook hesitates. "It wont be a problem if any one of us is caught dating. Our fans can accept that now," Y/N kept silent and focus on listening. "Who we are dating is going to be the problem,"

Y/N starts to feel anxious and felt her hear beats faster. What is he implying?

"What are you trying to say Jungkook?"

"Ordinary?" She mumbled the words. Yes, she knows she is just a normal university student who everyday life only includes attending classes and a part time job in a student's cafe. She doesnt go on tours or spend her days in studios and practice room. But... does Jungkook, the love of her life Jungkook, who was supposed to make her feel special, need to call her ordinary? Y/N looked down at her attire and self conciousness starts to overwhelm her. Jungkook looks like a God with his perfectly fitted skinny ripped jeans and white shirt, paired with a leather jacket and here she sat, in last night's oversize shirt and worn out shorts. She starts to pull on her shirt, adjusting it and tucking her hair, trying to make her look more 'less' ordinary, feeling self concious about her looks.

"Y/N, stop. Please. That is not what I meant..." he grabbed her hand to stop her from covering herself from him. Maybe she wont believe him, but it pains him too to see her this way, hurt and on the brink of crying. But its just something he has to do.

"I... I know I'm just a normal girl, but we are in love... arent we? Does it really matter to you that I'm just someone living an ordinary life?"

"I do love you... but Y/N... its something I have to do. I need someone who is more suited for me," The moment he said it, Jungkook regret it. That is not definitely how he wanted the words to come out.

"More suited?" Her voice cracked. Years they have been together, and her status as a normal girl is apparently more important to him than their feelings. Well, maybe its just her. Maybe Jungkook has lost all feelings for her after all those years he debuted. After all, he met thousands of beautiful celebrities that is 'more suited' for him.

"Y/N..."

"No... its okay.I think you have made yourself perfectly clear. I'm too common. Too regular. Too ordinary to be with you... Jeon Jungkook, the Golden Maknae of Bangtan, the most popular band right now. Its okay Jungkook, I get it," with that she gave one small smile and walked out, trying her best not to let the tears spilled. But who is she kidding? Jungkook has owned her heart from the moment she even know what love is, and now... he has broken it in every way possible.

"What. A. Fucking. Asshole!" Meen A is fuming with anger once Y/N finished her story. "Does he thinks he is all that?! He is just a singer and a dancer! I'm going to beat his ass up when I see him, that fucking asshole!" Y/N giggled at her friend between her tears.

"Its okay Meen A. It was five years ago. Its his life... I cant force him to love me,"

"But Y/N!" Meen A whined. "Why are you so nice?!" She huffed. "So... did you become this successful because you want to prove him wrong and make him eat his words? He must be crying seeing you now!"

Y/N giggled again. Meen A never fails to fascinates her. She shakes her head.

"Actually no. Contrary to that, its actually the opposite. I didnt want to know about anything in the industry anymore. I didnt update myself about anyone well know, mostly because it reminds me that I'm just ordinary, like Jungkook puts it, and also I didnt want to see him,"

"Then, what made you become... this?" Meen A motioned to her.

"I met a stranger one day. And that was the day my life changed forever," she smile.

She was crying as she finally found a bench in the quiet park. After months of being able to avoid hearing about any news regarding Jungkook, which is very hard since he is really popular, it finally come to her knowledge that Jungkook is now dating another maknae from a popular girl group. Her classmates has forcefully showed her the article, of course, not knowing the history she had with the said man and she cant help but feel her heart clenched at the sight of Jungkook happily kissing a pretty girl.

The girl is beautiful, and Y/N bet she is multi talented too. She is perfect for him. Special, wanted and definitely not ordinary.

"What are you crying for?" A voice from behind her startled her, only then she realized that someone has already occupied the bench that is placed back to back with hers. She turned her head and saw a man with a hat and masked secured on his face. She couldnt see his face clearly, but his piercing gaze is enough to fascinates her. However, there is a clear sadness in his eyes.

"I could ask you the same thing," she whispered back.

"If I tell you my story will you tell yours? I just need someone to talk to," Y/N contemplate for a moment and finally agreed to it. He is a stranger. She will never see him again anyway.

"My fan- urgh I mean my friends expected so much from me. I'm tired of it. I'm still just a normal man. Why cant they see that?"

"But... if they believed in you, doesnt that mean you are not just an average guy to start with? There must be something about you that makes them expect so much from you,"

"I guess... but... I dont like it,"

"Isnt that a great thing?" Y/N raised her eyebrows to the masked man. "To be loved? For people to think you are special? Capable of doing things? Not just someone normal and ordinary?"

"Not for me. I dont want people to see me as someone extra ordinary. I am not. I am just being me. This is who I am. Sometimes I wish that I could just blend in with others and not stand out so much,"

"You are really funny," she chuckles. "In this world where everybody tried to be special, why do you want to be ordinary?"

"No. You are the funny one," he retorted and his sharp gaze look straight into her eyes. Y/N swear she has never seen a pair of eyes looks so beautiful. "Because in a world full of people trying to be special, what is so wrong to ordinary?"

"Wow... that's deep," Meen A exclaimed with her mouth wide open. "But still, what I dont get is how does that makes you want to be who you are now?"

"Well... after I went home that day, I started thinking and he was right. He made me feel that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being ordinary. You might think I become who I am today to prove a point, but no... I just want to send a message to everyone out there, that ordinary people can be and do anything they want too if they put their mind to it. Just because people see you as nothing special, that doesnt mean you are short on deserving anything,"

Meen A looks at her in awe. "You are really something Y/N,"

"I might be something... but I will never be enough for Jeon Jungkook," she smile sadly.

"Y/N... do you... perhaps still love him?" Y/N was silenced for a moment by the sudden question. Jeon Jungkook... Does she still loves him? Its a question that she herself is afraid to ask.

"I dont know Meen A. But all I know is that I could never hate him. He might break my heart to pieces... but he is also the one who taught me what love is..."

/////

Y/N is back.

Jungkook ran his hand across his face as he slide down on the floor. Its been a day since the incident at the restaurant and he is restless. He has been pressuring Namjoon to contact that girl who was supposed to set up an appointment with Y/N but Namjoon has been hesitating, saying he should clear his mind first. He doesnt need time to clear anything! He has been waiting to see her for five years and now she's finally home. He needs to see her now!

His last memory of her has haunt him for years and he needs to talk to her. Even for just a second.

Jungkook sat on the couchof her apartment after she left, not moving even an inch for hours as he still try to register the fact that he broke Y/N's heart. To say he fully regret what he did wont be true, since a part of him knows Y/N is really too normal to be with him. But he loves her, that much is true, and seeing her hurt is too much for him to bear. He shakes his head to get rid of the feeling and leave the apartment, turning around one last time to say goodbye to the years of memories he had with his first love.

A month passed and all sadness and regret seems to leave Jungkook's mind when he started a relationship with one of the other maknaes from a girl group. He finally got what he wanted. Being in a relationship with someone who is at the same level as him. Yurin is beautiful and talented, Jungkook loves everything about her. The only problem is that he dont feel in love with her.

The kisses are great, nights spend together are amazing but something just seems off. They talked about their music and live the same lifestyle, there is nothing wrong with their relationship at all. But... she's not Y/N.

As time passes by, Jungkook starts to miss the ordinary things that Y/N do. He misses the days when she would talk about her classes, telling him things that he didnt get to experienced as a college students. He misses her stories of working at a student's cafe and how some days she has to starve herself with only instant noodle when the funds ran low. All he ever talk about with Yurin is the new comeback, which designer to wear to the award show and which expensive restaurant they should try next. There is nothing wrong with all that, really, but its the exact same life he's living. He already know all that. He dont need someone else to talk to him about it.

Jungkook only realized too late then, that Y/N being an ordinary girl is what makes their relationship works. They were the opposite, she is e eeythung he is not, and thats why she completes him.

He shouldnt care about what the society demand from him. Y/N didnt, he shouldnt have either. But its all too late when he found out Y/N is no longer living in her apartment or studying in the same college. She's gone and he didnt know where else to find her.

Until he sees her face on an international interview while he's channel surfing on one boring afternoon. Y/N still looks like the Y/N he knows. Beautiful, sweet, her innocent laugh filled the screen. But the way she talked, dressed and interact with the interviewer, amazed him. Jungkook cant take his eyes off her and continue to watch the show until the end. He learned then that Y/N has become an international sensation, a newly debuted singer/songwriter who is also on her way in making a name in the filming and modeling industry.

Y/N has become a mix of everything he had ever wanted.

And he has been trying to find a way to see her again ever since.

"Hey Kookie," Taehyung entered the practice room and slide down on the floor besides him. "Are you okay? You dont seem so well since what happened yesterday,"

"I am not okay hyung," Jungkook turned to faced Taehyung, face etched with sadness. "Y/N... I need to see her but Namjoon hyung is not letting me," Taehyung kept quiet and nibbled on his bottom lips, thinking.

"Kookie... I know you told us she is your first love. But if you dont mind... what happened to the two of you?" Taehyung is really curious about this Y/N girl and the only person who seems to know her personally is Jungkook. "She seems... terrified of you yesterday,"

Jungkook looked hurt by Taehyung's words. He already know that. When he dreamt about seeing Y/N again, he didnt think that she would hate him that much. Its as if she is scared of him. Scared that he will hurt her again. She dont even want to look at his face yesterday. That feeling... the feeling when someone you love is afraid of you, hates you, not even want to look at you... hurts, and Jungkook dont ever want to feel anything like that anymore.

"I... I break her heart into pieces hyung," Jungkook pushed all his pride aside and finally opened up to Taehyung about everything. When he finished his story with a sob, Taehyung was speechless.

"So you are saying... you two were dating during the years we all live together?!" Taehyung exclaimed. How is it possible that none of the boys found out the maknae is dating? "How did you managed to hide a girlfriend that well?"

"Really hyung? That's what important to you right now?" Jungkook give him the stink eye and he chuckle.

"Sorry. Sorry. But you know Kookie... her face and your story sounds familiar. I wonder if I have met her before?" Jungkook shakes his head.

"Im positive you didnt. I never brought her over to meet any of you guys. Maybe you just think you know her because her face fills up every magazine and tv shows you see?" Jungkook guess. He is pretty positive none of his hyung knows Y/N before she becomes well known.

"Nah... that's not it," Taehyung shakes his head. "Nevermind. I'm sure I will figured it out later,"

Before Jungkook can say anything else, the practice room door opened and walked in Namjoon, looking straight at him.

"Kook, your dream has come true,"

"What do you mean hyung?" Jungkook is confused.

"We are having a collaboration with Y/N while she's in Korea,"

/////

"What?! No, no, no, no,no, no!" Y/N slammed the schedule on the desk and wailed her hands around. This cant be happening. A collaboration with Bangtan? Two whole months of composing, performing, photo shoots and interviews with them? With Jeon Jungkook? This cant be real! "Why am I not informed about this earlier? I wouldnt have agreed to it if I knew!"

"But Y/N... you never go through your schedules before. You always leave it up to the management!" One the managers tries to explain. Y/N was neber demanding kr a diva, she is akways essy to managed. Seeing her like this scare him a bit. Why is she so hellbent on not doing the schedule with Bangtan? "Besides, Bangtan is one of the most successful group in the country right now and they really want to work with you! Its a great opportunity to make your mark here, in your home country,"

Y/N bite her bottom lip. Of course it makes sense when they say it like that. Y/n has rejected everything that has to do with her home country before. She didnt want to come back before she's ready. But now that she's here, she didnt think they would be the first thing on her schedule.

"Is there really no way for me to cancel?" She sighed weakly.

"I'm sorry sweetheart," the manager gave her a regretful smile. "but no,"

/////

"Y/N, these are the boys. Boys, this is Y/N," the staff introduced them once Y/N arrived on the set. She pushed her sunglasses up her forehead, smile and bowed to them, introducing herself and gave them their greeting, all the while avoiding eye contact with the doe eyed boy who is shamelessly staring at her. The older members introduced themselves first, making silly jokes in between to ease the tension that they can feel rising between Y/N and the maknae, but the time for Jungkook to introduced himself finally arrived.

"Hi Y/N. I'm Jeon Jungkook, but I think you already know that," he held out a hand and his bunny smile grew wider when Y/N accept the handshake. He held her hand tight and keeps on staring at her, the smile never leaving his face, making her squirm uncomfortably. Y/N tried to shake her hand lose but Jungkook only held on tighter, as in trying to enjoy every tingling sensation he felt from their touch.

He misses her so much.

"Ehem," Jungkook was broken from his trance and look to his left to see Taehyung looking at him, then their entertwined hands. "I think you can let go now Kook. Its my turn to introduced myself,"

Jungkook huffed and reluctantly lets go, not at all trying to conceal the fact that he was holding her hand hostage on purpose. "Hi," Taehyung flashed her his signature smile. Y/N swore he has never seen a smile so beautiful and sincere given to her before.

"H...hi," Shit, why did I stutter?

Taehyung laughs at how adorable she looks. "So cute," he mumble, making Y/N who heard it blushed hard and Jungkook frowned, sending his hyung a death glare. "I'm Kim Taehyung or V. But you can call me Tae. Nice to meet you Y/N,"

"You... you too Taeyang. I mean Taehyung. I mean Tae," Seriously, what is wrong with me? "Nice to meet you," she slowly brace herself and look into his eyes. Those sharp gaze... it looks so damn familiar.

Taehyung laughs again and shakes her hand. "I have to go with the boys but I will see you in a bit ya?"

Y/N quickly nodded as Taehyung drags Jungkook with him, living her sweaty and blushing. Jungkook who witness the whole exchange happening looks back from his hyung to Y/N and start to feel anxious.

Is something going on with those two?

Days spend with Bangtan passes by in a blur. They were a fun group to be with; funny and talented. There was never a dull moment with them. The best part is always whenever she gets some time alone with Taehyung. There's just something about him that never ceased to amaze her, fascinates her. She loves hearing his deep voice, his laughs, his weird views on things and his funny thoughts. Being able to see Taehyung was always the highlight of her day with Bangtan, and there's just something so familiar about him. About the way his piercing eyes looks at her. Its as if she has seen it before somewhere, some time, long ago. However, what Y/N dreaded the most was when she and Jungkook were left alone, as if it was planned by the boys. She will try her best to get out from the situation, leaving Jungkook who tried hard to get a chance to talk to her frustrated.

She had always managed to get out from the sticky situation until today. She was in the music room during one of their long breaks this time. The boys will usually hang out with each other in their own waiting room, so feeling bored, Y/N sneaked out and found a lone piano in a what she assumed is a music room and started playing one of the song she is currently working on. She only started playing a few lines when a voice surpised her.

"That's beautiful," she turned to her right to see Jungkook already seated down beside her on the piano bench. She immediately stood up, ready to leave but Jungkook pulled her back down.

"No. Please, stay. Can you play the rest of the song for me? Can I hear it? Please?" He plead, eyes looking straight into hers, bringing back both painful and beautiful memories she had tried to forget. Y/N hesitates as she looked around, wishing nothing more than for someone to come in and save her. But no one did and Jungkook is still gripping her hand and looking at her. "Please?"

"O..okay," she nodded her agreement and sat back down, fingers poised to play her song.

I really love the role I play The songs I sing But with all the fame The things that seem so simple Suddenly, so far out of reach Wish that they could see That underneath I'm just an ordinary girl! Sometimes I'm lazy I get bored, I get scared, I feel ignored, I feel happy I get silly, I choke on my own words. I make wishes, I have dreams, And I still want to believe, Anything can happen in this world For an ordinary girl! Like you like me For an ordinary girl Like you like me

The room waa silent when she finished playing. Jungkook felt a lump in his throat as the memory of him recklessly breaks her heart came back to him.

"But... my career doesnt allow me to be with somebody... ordinary,"

"Y/N..."

Y/N stopped him and smile before he could continue, already oredicting what he would be saying. "No Jungkook. Dont say anything. You dont need to say anything. I'm over it," she stood up and bowed, hastily trying to escape but Jungkook is too fast for her and grab her arm.

"But I'm not,"

"What?"

"I'm not over it Y/N. I'm not over you..."

"Stop joking around Jungkook. Its not funny!"

Jungkook stood up and turned her to face him. "I'm not. Y/N... I swear I'm not! Please listen to me first," Jungkook pleaded. "What I did, what I said, everything was wrong. A mistake," Y/N shakes her head, denying his claim.

"No. You were happy without me Jungkook. You were happy with the girls you dated after me. All those girls who are beautiful and a somebody," Y/N blinked back her tears. No, she promised herself that she wont cry for Jeon Jungkook ever again.

"Thats what I thought I wanted Y/N. But I was wrong. I was so wrong," he gripped both of her hands, making her gasps. "I'm so sorry for what I did Y/N. I tried to look for you after you left, but I couldnt find you... and now you are here..." he cupped her chin to tilt her head to look at him. "Y/N, looking at you now, I regret everything I ever did and say to you. Please forgive me Y/N. Please... can we... can we try again?"

Y/N was shocked. She didnt think Jungkook would ever ask her to be together again. She is afterall, still just an ordinary girl... and him. Look at him, he is as perfect as he could ever be.. Then his words appeared back in her mind.

Looking at you now.

"Is this what this is? You want me back because I'm no longer the ordinary little town girl I was five years back? Because I'm successful now?!" Y/N was furious. How dare he. Jungkook was startled by her assumption. How did she even come to think of that? That is absolutely not what it is at all!

"What?! No! Y/N no! That is absolutely not what this is about. Y/N... you are everything that I want. I just realized it too late. Please Y/N. Lets try again. I'll treat you right this time,"

"No!" She shakes her hand loose from his grip. "You cant do this to me Jungkook. It took me five years to even be able to hear your name again. You broke me beyond repair. You make me judged myself to the point where I hated myself Jungkook. You dont know how broken you make me when you left. I loved you. I really really loved you... but you..."

"Y/N, please just give me another chance. Lets try this again," he begged.

"No!" Y/N start to walk out as fast as she could but what Jungkook said next stopped her in her tracks.

"I love you Y/N. I have never stop loving you," Y/N's whole body shakes as tears starts to stream down her face. She ia grateful for the fact that she is not facing him. Jeon Jungkook shouldnt see her cry. Not now. Not ever. But hearing those three words comes our from her one true love, her first love, Y/N felt her heart bursting in both pain and happiness again.

"I love you... please believe me Y/N..." he repeated softly. His voice shocked Y/N out from her tranced and she quickly continue her exit, never once looking back.

Y/N managed to bring herself to an empty park, well, of course its empty, its past midnight, after sending a quick text to Meen A to tell her to cancel the rest of her schedule and postponed it to tommorow. There is no way she is able to face Jungkook again. She close her eyes and leaned her head back, enjoying the cool breeze.

"Do you think the stars are watching we live our life like we watch a reality drama series?" Y/N was startled by the deep voice that suddenly appeared in the dark. She looks up and saw Taehyung walking towards her, smiling and sitting down besides her.

"What are you doing here Tae?"

"The question is, what are you doing here? I have always come here after schedule. This park is very near to my dorm," he pointed somewhere behind him.

"Ahh. Okay. But...what do you do here all alone? You are not a mass murderer or a rapist right?" She jokes and he laughs.

"Nothing. Just sitting in the dark and asks random questions like the one I asked you just now," he grinned.

"Really? You have to do it here? Alone? In the dark?" Y/N questioned, eyebrows arched. "Why cant you discuss it with your group mates? Isnt it better to talk to someone who could actually respond?"

Taehyung hung his head at her statement, feeling sad. "Not really. Sometimes I just want the peace and quiet to think and play with my own thoughts. Sometimes I even wonder if I made the right decision to live this kind of life," he chuckles.

"This kind of life? What do you mean?"

"This life we are living Y/N. People expect so much from us. To be flawless, remarkable in everything," he sighed. "Sometimes I wonder what its like to live an ordinary life,"

Y/N laughs. There's that word again. It seems no matter where she goes, that words haunts her like a nightmare.

"I wouldnt know what you are feeling Tae, because I have been ordinary all my life,"

Taehyung looks at her as if she doesnt make sense at all. Well, to be fair to him,she really doesnt make sense. How can a mega superstar like her, living life that people only dream of could possibly say shes been ordinary all her life? But Taehyung figured she has a reason for saying that and just lets it go.

"You are lucky then," he stood up, both hands in pockets and smile down at her. "Because Y/N, in a world full of people trying to be special, what is so wrong to be ordinary?"

Y/N's mouth drop open. Those words... they are like her secret mantra to survive the broken heart Jungkook left her with. She blinked and look at Taehyung. Those eyes staring back at her. She remembers now. The deep voice, the piercing gaze.

That stranger is Taehyung.

The man she has been searching for all these while is Kim Taehyung.

But before she could say anyhing, he is already gone.

Y/N tossed and turn the whole night. The whole conversation with Taehyung, the recent one and way back five years ago when he was just a stranger, played continuosly in her head. Its Taehyung.

Kim Taehyung.

Everything fits now. For the past month she has been getting to know him, she fell for his dorky ways and the unique things he did. She see the sadness in his face when his fans criticized his fashion choices or hairstyles, how sometimes he rather stay home and not come with them because he is tired to conceal his real self in public. She understand now why the stranger wants to be ordinary. Why Kim Taehyung wants to be ordinary.

Taehyung is beautiful, inside out. And its a shame people are more focus on the facade he puts out rather than his true self. Y/N thinks back about all the time they spend together. Taehyung will mostly ask about her life way back before she was a celebrity, asking her stories about her classes, courses, her part time job and he enjoys her stories. Every bit of it. Sometimes it seems as if he loves it more than listening to her experience touring around the world, working with all these influential people. Its... different. Most people she met in the industry are only trying to be close to her for her name, for her connections, but Taehyung felt sincere.

Taehyung loves how she is when she's just an ordinary girl.

And Y/N finally admits it now. She's in love with that extraordinary boy.

Unfortunately for her, no matter how much she wanted to she Taehyung again and proclaim her love for him the next day, they are having a one day break. So instead, she peeled her sleepless body for a morning walk towards the rows of restaurant. She needed something to clear her head.

Just her luck, she saw Taehyung sitting alone on one of the sidewalk cafe, his breakfast still full on his table, playing with his phone.

"Tae!" A wide grin stretch across her face as she walks over. How can someone look this beautiful?

"Oh, Y/N. Nice to see you here," he smile, and Y/N felt her heart beats faster.

"Are you alone?"

"I'm actually with-"

"Y/N?" Shit. The voice that calls out her name makes her heart rscing and palm swearing in fear, and she wanted nothing more than just to get out from there.

"I..I'll be going first Taehyung," she bowed quickly and make her exit, confusing Taehyung who didnt understand the situation.

"Y//N, please wait," Jungkook grab her arms and turn her around. "Please... dont run away from me,"

"Let go Jungkook,"

"Not until you give me a chance," he gritted his teeth in determination. "Y/N... I love you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was a fool, an idiot. I care about my status, my job more than I ever did about your feelings before. But all that will change now. I have changed now. I will love you right this time. Baby... please," his soft doe eyes pierced through hers, begging her for another chance. The way he looks at her, the feeling of his touch on her arms, his familiar scent that filled his nostrils the way he calls her baby... her heart is aching. She misses him so much.

She raised her eyes to look at him. His handsome face and the way the mask hang around his mouth and nose.

The mask. The mask that he needs to conceal his identity. His identity that makes him too good to be with her in the first place.

Jungkook will always be a somebody. He has to hide his identity even he is having his breakfast. And although she is a part of that life now, deep inside she is still just an ordinary girl who unfortunately falls in love with someone extraordinary like Jeon Jungkook.

And what happened five years back proves that Jungkook would never accept that ordinary part of her. And if he cant accept that, then he cant have all of her.

"I'm sorry. I cant Jungkook," she trembled. "I have only known and love you all my life. I love every part of you... but you dont love me for who I really am. I am just still me Jungkook. Underneath all this, I'm still just that girl you broke for being ordinary. You wont and cant ever love me fully... and I wont force you too,"

"Y/N. No. I love you. I love all of you. Everything about you. Please. Give me this chance and I will prove it to you," Jungkook is panicking. He cant loose her like this. She didnt even give her a chance to get close, to show her how he has change. He has been looking for her for five years, how can he just let her slip away?

"You think you do. But I know you better than that. You are just in love with the idea of me," she smile sadly. Oh, how she wished they were still young lovers. Happy and in love. "I thought no one could ever like me for who I really am Jungkook. I loathe myself. For years I loathe myself. But I know now, not everybody hates ordinary. We ordinary girls have to right to be love too,"

"I didnt me-"

"I cant be with you Jungkook. I thought I wont ever get over you, but I was wrong. I fell in love. I found someone worthy to love me now. And I would do anything to make him love me..." she finally quietly admits, leaving Jungkook speechless.

"Wh..what?" Jungkook shakes his head in disbelief. This cant happen. His baby is in love with someone else? Who? Who is the man who stole her heart away? "Who is it? Tell me Y/N! Who is it! I will show you I can love you better than him," his face is etched in anger as he shakes her shoulders.

"You dont need to know..."

"I do. I do need to know Y/N. I need to know so I can show you how much more I will love you than he ever will!" He insisted, crazy with anger. Y/N looks around and see they are starting to catch attention and people are starting to recognized them. She cant let them happen.

"Stop it Jungkook..."

"No! I love you Y/N. Why wont you believe me?" He cried. "Tell me who is he?"

"Its Taehyung!" She screamed, tired of Jungkook's tireless persuassion. "Its Kim Taehyung! Are you happy now? I love Kim Taehyung and he didnt even know! So you dont have to do anything Jungkook!" His grasp on her shoulder soften.

"You are in love with Tae - hyung? My hyung?" His eyes roamed all over her face, looking for any sign that shes lying. But theres none. His heart starts to ache, a feeling so foreign to him. "Since when?"

"Since... sinc..," her eyes flickered behind Jungkook and her mouth dropped in horror. "Taehyung!" Jungkook whipped his head to see what Y/N is looking at, and true enough, his hyung stood there behind him and with the look on his face, its clear he heard everything. His eyes looks straight at her, dark and blank, she couldnt understand what emotions are playing within him right then and it scared her.

"Tae, wait! I can ex-" Y/N started to run after him when he abruptly turned around and walked away towards the other direction.

"Y/N, please. Choose me. Please. I love you. I cant live without you. Choose me Y/N. Dont leave me for Tae," Jungkook held on to her jacket's sleeves, begging her with his brown eyes. Y/N felt her tears finally fell at the sight of Jungkook, the mighty Jungkook begging for her, an ordinary girl.

"Then you have to learn how to Jungkook. Just like how I did before," she shakes her sleeve loose and run after Taehyung. Jungkook was left alone, stunned, and after years of being strong and believing he can do anything, he fell to his knees for he knows this time he wont be able to do it.

Losing Y/N all over again.

/////

"Tae! Tae. Stop. Just stop," Y/N was breathless as she managed to grab Taehyung by the arm. The said man turned and emotionlessly turned to face her. She felt her heart break. Does Taehyung really doesnt have any feelings for her at all?

"You shouldnt say things that you dont even understand Y/N," he suddenly broke the silenced.

"What are you talking about Tae? What you heard-"

"How can you say you love me? How is that even possible?"

"Why isnt it possible? I'm in love with you Kim Taehyung! Why is that not possible?" She huffed. Did Taehyung really thinj no one would ever love him? "I'm in love with every part of you. The real you! Not the facade you put out for everyone around you. But the you that you showed me during the talks we had. I'm in love with that Kim Taehyung!"

"I cant be with you," his words came out so smoothly out from his mouth, it hurts her to think how he doesnt even have to think about it at all.

"Why?" She cried. Y/N can feel her heart broke for the second time after a long time. "Why cant you give me a chance? I know you felt it too. I can see it when you talk to me. When you look at me. Please Tae, why cant you let me?"

"Tae... is there really no chance for us?" Y/N asks again when he kept quiet, eyes fixed on the ground. "You... really cant love me?" Y/N lets out a deep breath and weakly lets go of his hand when he still didnt answer. "Okay... I'm sorry. I just thought..." she didnt finished her words before she turned around, wanting to just walk away from the situation and just buried herself in her blanket back at the hotel. She was always a fool in love. Ordinary or not, no one will ever love her for her. She just need to braced another month of schedule with Bangtan and she can forget all this ever happen.

"Do you want to know why we could never happen?" Taehyung's voice reached her ears, sounding so soft and sad, making her turn around even though she dont think she can ever face him again. Y/N stopped in her tracks for a moment and decide to just walk away. There is no need for her to listen to the list of reasons as to why Taehyung would never ever love her.

"Y/N, listen to me," Taehyung grabbed her hand. Why is he doing this? Why is he forcing her to listen to things that she doesnt want to? Is he intentionally wanting to hurt her?

"I...I dont want to Tae," she sobbed. "I dont need to know why you wont ever love me,"

Taehyung immediately cupped both of her cheeks and make her look at him the moment she said that. "Y/N... I'm sorry for what I said. And I never said I didnt love you back..." he said so softly Y/N almost missed it, but she didnt and her eyes widen. Did... did Taehyung just confess?

"Please dont cry..." his thumbs wipe the tears that slowly rolled down her cheeks. "Look around you Y/N... this is the reason why we cant be together,"

For the first time since they talk, Y/N raised her head and look around her. Fans are gathered all around, cellphones out and snapping photos. She looks up and billboards with her face on it filling the view. Even if the passerby didnt know who they were before, they sure do now. "You are too special to be with me Y/N. I am not the one for you. I'm too strange and weird to be with you. You deserves the world. You are remarkable, and you deserves the best. Me? I'm just an ordinary small town boy who accidentally passes an audition Y/N. I'm not for you. So dont cry for me. These people doesnt like to see you cry," he smile at her. She feels her heart beats faster. She wants that smile. She wants to wake up to that smile everyday and she wont let who she became now stops her from the happiness that is right in front of her.

"Taehyung... I'm still that same ordinary girl you met in the park five years back. The girl who cried because the person she loves broke her. Dont you remember her?"

"What? What are you saying?"

"You are really funny," Y/N repeated what he said to her way back then. "In this world where everybody tried to be special, why do you want to be ordinary?" Taehyung's eyes widen at that. Little did she know, just like her, their encounter that day changed his life forever too. He accepted his life more after their little talk and since then he starts not to think about what his fans would want from him. He is just an ordinary man and if they dont love him for that, then they didnt love him to start with.

"That... that was you?" Y/N nodded with a smile and tears in her eyes.

"Tae... what you said to me that day changed me. Because of you I start to believe that ordinary girls like me deserves to be loved too. I came back to the park everyday in hope to see you again but I never did. You have been a part of my life for a long time Tae, whether you like it or not," she laughs. "And if you think I am too special to be with you, then you are dead wrong. You are everything I could ever want. You are the only person in my life who loves me for that dorky college girl that I am and I'm in love with you for that," she rajsed her hands and carressed his cheeks. Taehyung slowly leaned in into her touched. "You love every lsrt of me and you deserve to have all of me Tae,"

"Dont see me like what the other see me Tae. See me for who I really am. I am just an ordinary girl who falls in love with an amazing man, and she hopes that amazing man would someday fall in love with her too,"

"I am already in love with you Y/N. From the moment you stutter my name the first time we officially met," he laughs out loud at the memory as Y/N blushed. "Why were you so nervous anyway? You are already in love with me back then arent you? My good looks got nothing on you,"

"Yah!" She hit his chest and Taehyung pulled her close in his embraced. "Dont tease me,"

"You are adorable," he kissed her head and they can hear the camera shutter clicking from all around them. They have a lot to answer to their own management tomorrow, but for now that didnt matter. "My beautiful ordinary girl, you make me realized that nothing else matters that just to be and love yourself. You are the best thing that could have ever happen to me, eventhough I dont even know who you were back then. I love you Y/N," he whispered.

"And I love you Kim Taehyung. Just my weird fascinating Kim Taehyung," Taehyung smile and leaned his head closer to her as his lips tremble when he touched the lips of the girl he has dreamt about for years.

As the couple shared their first kiss, and the people around them starts to busily clicking their cameras and cooing at the adorable couple, a pair of teary doe eyes looks from afar...

And for the first time in his life, he admits that his heart is broken to pieces.

By an ordinary girl.

A/N: Ordinary Girl that Y/N played on the music room is actually a real song by Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus, with the same title. All credits goes to the original artists and everyone involved in it.

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novadreii · 6 years ago

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that post i just reblogged about how life is just like playing whack-a-mole with all your responsibilities is so damn true, but it got me thinking. between work, school, family, and my social life (which has increased both on/offline for me a lot in the past year, which is v nice), i’m always hyperaware that if i don’t take care of myself and keep my perspective in check, burnout is a very real possibility.

i would never trade it for the life i had exactly one year ago--university dropout, stalled “career”, so wracked with anxiety i was borderline agoraphobic and completely cut off from other people. i felt like my life was over before it properly had a chance to take off. that was my rock bottom and the one promise i made to myself as i applied back to school (so nervous the entire time i did so that i was trembling), was that i would just try my best. and on days that i couldn’t even do my best, i’d just show up and do what was feasible, because even that was better than doing nothing.

now, exactly a year later, i am 8 months away from finishing my degree, am potentially up for a promotion to do exactly what i’m studying at school, and have developed some old friendships and made some new ones.

it feels like A Lot sometimes, but always in a good way. it’s a million times better than being stagnant. i’ve resigned myself to the fact that right now, while i’m this busy, it’s impossible to do everything perfectly. my apartment/bedroom is as tidy as i can muster because mess stresses me out, but it’s not perfect by any means. there’s always a few dishes in the sink, and some clothes thrown over my chair, my desk is always strewn with whatever assignment/notes i’ve been working on, and i’m due to vacuum bc i see dust bunnies floating about on the floor. but i couldn’t be bothered. i often feel bombarded by emails/texts/messages, but i answer what i want to/feel able to in the moment, then i put my phone on silent and leave it facedown somewhere for a bit. work related stuff can wait until i’m actually at work, and good friends will understand when i get back to them the next day (and vice versa).

regarding school, i study when i have energy and in short bursts of 2-3 hours at most. no more all day long cram sessions. it means i can’t really procrastinate anymore but it’s so worth it. i find i don’t have the mental stamina anymore and this way i’ve been getting better grades anyway.

my family with the exception of my mother understands for the most part. i see them when i can and respond when i can. my mom feels neglected by me but she is just going to have to deal. it’s not forever.

my bills are on autopay bc my adhd ass WILL forget to pay them. i have a rough budget that i mostly stick to--one thing i’ve been spending too much on is eating out because it’s honestly just more convenient during hectic weekdays--i forgive myself for that, pack my food when i feel like it, and promise to just work hard so i can make more money very soon.

i don’t have fancy to-do lists and post-its everywhere, that is not the only way to be organized. i quickly jot down due dates for school in my planner as insurance but i honestly fucking hate writing every little thing down and planning my life out down to the last microsecond. i just find a happy middle ground between staying organized but without rigidity, bc as soon as i feel that it makes me want to drop everything and go live as a wild woman in the forest.

what i’m trying to say is that i am just doing what i am capable of given the current parameters of my life. #1 is always my own health and happiness, without exception. i have learned to be shameless about this. it doesn’t mean i walk all over others to get what i want in life, but i don’t go out of my way to be people’s physical or emotional caretakers (barring it being someone extremely close to me who has nobody else, of course). i don’t grind excessively at work, because they don’t really notice and i just end up being on the losing end of that deal--i just do what is expected of me but i do it impeccably. i show up and leave on time, they certainly don’t get any more time out of me than what i am paid for. i like the culture at my job bc for the most part they don’t expect us to sell our literal souls to them.

that is all i can do. i have financial goals, so right now work and school are my priorities, which means that taking care of my body and brain come first. everything else, for now, is secondary because i know myself--as soon as i try to be the #1 Employee, Student, Sister, Friend, Daughter, etc. all at once, i begin to fall apart.

you have the right to prioritize as you see fit. if it means that your living space doesn’t look like something out of an ikea catalogue, or that you’re a lil disorganized because you’ve got a lot on your plate, or you can’t be 100% Attuned to the needs of everyone in your life, IT’S OKAY. what matters is you’re showing up, you’re giving it your all, and as my own experience has shown me that is often more than enough.

since adopting this way of thinking, my anxiety, which was almost unbearable even just 6 months ago, is almost nil. as i’ve mentioned before, i have given up the illusion of control over life. there is no such thing, and i refuse to be derailed mentally each time something doesn’t go my way. i just try my best, try to be open and kind and present, and ye olde universe has been very receptive to that. i am thankful for the roof over my head, my health, the people i surround myself with, and everything else is just a bonus.

#diary of nova #my post #thots #i also unfollowed everything that had to do with advertising and celebrity culture and any kind of materialism #that shit just subliminally reinforces that deep dissatisfaction in all of us that they profit off of #i literally don't care about material items unless they serve to make my life more comfortable or save me time #bc i realized that it will never be enough #i'll never be rich or beautiful or adored enough to fill that artificial void imposed on all of us #and i decided to just stop caring about that shit instead of going my whole life feeling like i am not or don't have enough

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awkward-radar-tech · 6 years ago

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This Too Shall Pass

Summary: It was love at first sight when you saw businessman Armitage Hux for the first time. Two years later you were married and living the perfect life. When Hux gets promoted to CEO, your perfect life changes into one of misery. Thankfully, just like your perfect life, this time of misery shall pass, too.

A/N: I am sorry for the heartbreak this causes.

Prompt from @michaelathewordsmith: Treacherous x I Knew You Were Trouble x I Almost Do + The Moment I Knew + The Last Time: Hux x Reader

With Hux's line of work it is inevitable to have a hectic schedule and his wife, the reader is tired with the same old cycle of broken promises but when the infidelity is revealed the divorce papers are on the desk waiting for a signature that will set the both of them free.

Part 2 -- Part 3

Life had been perfect for years, at 22 you met a dashing ginger gentleman who had a bright future ahead of him while giving a CPR class to his team, and your connection was almost instant. He was only 25 and already was fourth in command in the American branch of his company, which ran two high end restaurant chains and a few fast-casual and themed casual sit-down chains, and was on track to become CEO one day. He was a bit of a celebrity in the company, but to you he was just Armitage Hux. You fell hard, within six months you were living in his condo part time, and after a year you had moved in completely. Just 18 months after meeting you were engaged, and got married six months later. The wedding was all you could imagine, your dream dress, dream location, dream man, and most importantly you were going on your dream honeymoon. You were living your dream life, traveling with your husband to different countries for business and pleasure, attending fancy parties with amazing food either for company success or the promotion of your husband, you didn't have to worry about money or a job, and you got to do what you wanted when you wanted. You cried tears of joy when on your 5 year wedding anniversary Hux told you he had just been voted CEO. And that is when your perfect life began to slip away.

Being the CEO of a child company meant he had to fly to London for around two weeks every quarter to meet with the heads of the parent company and the other child companies. He now had to be present at every opening of a new high end restaurant that he could attend. Since you couldn't attend any of the meetings that accompanied these trips, this meant you were left alone, a lot. Hux felt guilty for leaving you so much that he gave you an orange kitten before he told you he was now CEO, and also made/sternly asked the employees he was closest with, he only considered one a friend, to keep you company when he was gone.

You became close friends with Phasma, Ben “Kylo Ren” Organa-Solo, and Dopheld Mitaka. You even somehow became friends with Kylo’s cousin Rey and her friends, Finn, Poe, and Rose. You could count on going to dinner with Phasma every night Hux was away since she has known him the longest, and was the only friend Armitage had before he met you. You normally had lunch with Hux when he wasn't busy or out of town, which was now the “special occasion”, and the new normal was lunch with Kylo, Mitaka, and Phasma, or a selection of them if one or two were busy. If all of them happened to be busy you had lunch with Rey and sometimes her friends tagged along.

But outside of those meal times, it was just you and Millicent the cat most of the time. Every once in a while you would get a call from Rey asking if you wanted to co-pilot the test drive of her most recent refurbishment, being the head mechanic of the best classic car refurbishment and auto body shop in the state had its perks. On weekends when Hux was away, Phasma and Kylo would take you to concerts, Mitaka would take you to museums, the zoo, or the aquarium (he had the face and the heart of a child), and with the “Resistance”, as Rey and her friends liked to call themselves, you would do fun and weird things like paint and sip classes, cooking classes, or interesting pinterest crafts at somebody's home. You were kept busy, but each week you found yourself feeling more and more alone and not wanting to get out of bed.

It was nearing your 30th birthday, meaning Armitage had been CEO for about 9 months now, and you weren't doing very well in the mental health department although only Millie knew that. Your friends noticed that you had been kind of off the past month and a half, but they bought that you were just missing Hux since he was gone a majority of that time. They decided to plan you a birthday party on a weekend when Hux would be home to help cheer you up. When you called to tell Hux about it, he said he was putting it onto his calendar right then so he could make it. Following the phone call, you laid in bed wondering what he was up to right now. There was no background noise in the call, so you figured he was in his hotel room. You closed your eyes and imagined him lounging in one of the chairs, reading something for work on his tablet even though he had just finished a long day full of meetings because Mr. Armitage Hux, the 33-year-old CEO of First Order Enterprises: North America, had to be doing something work related in 85% of his waking hours or else he wasn't being productive enough. You missed your husband so much, and in this moment you found yourself rolled up into your blankets, imagining he was here holding you. You sincerely hoped he would keep this promise unlike the last few, and if he didn't you don't know what you would do.

The party

You walked into Phasma’s house, wearing Hux’s favorite color on you, red, in hopes that he will recognize the woman he has been leaving behind and make more of an effort to be around you more.

Phasma was the first to greet you, giving you a giant hug to match her giant stature, “Damn girl, you really are making 30 look great! If you and the mister can't wait to get home, I put fresh sheet on the guest room bed, just in case.”

You laughed and playfully smacked her on the arm, “Phas! I think we will be fine… if he shows up. And thank you, tonight is about me so I made sure my outfit about me, and went all out.”

“If I have to go drag that idiot out of his office, I will.”

“Thank you Phasma, you're the best.”

“I know.”

You walked around and spent a few minutes each having nice conversations with Kylo, Mitaka, Rey, Finn, Poe, Rose, and a few of your long time friends that came from out of town. You did your best to ignore how much time was passing and you have yet to see your most anticipated guest. After two hours your friends left to begin their 4 hour drive home, and after saying goodbye to them you couldn't hold in your sadness any more. After walking back into the house, you practically ran to the bathroom farthest down the hallway from the living area. Phasma noticed and gave you a moment before following you.

She lightly tapped on the open door before entering, “Hey (y/n), you are going to be okay. Do you want me to go get that idiot now?”

You looked up at your friend through your tears, “I don't know if I want to see him or talk to him right now. Can you just go there and tell him I'm staying here tonight and maybe yell at him?”

Phasma rubbed your shoulder, “I will gladly yell at him. Do you want me to send anybody else down here to keep you company while I'm away?”

“No, I just want to sit here alone and calm down for a bit. Thank you Phas.”

“Anything for you.”

Phasma at the office building

She stood in the elevator patiently waiting for it to take her up the 20 floors to the top of the building. She always thought it was pretentious for the CEO’s office to be on the top floor. If she ever became CEO, not like she actually wanted to, she would have her office on a lower floor so she wouldn't have to be in the elevator for so damn long. She finally reached the top and stepped out. Just as she had suspected, Hux’s office lights were on, so she slowly walked over. A few feet away from the door, she froze. Did she just hear what she thought she heard? He couldn't be cheating on (y/n), could he? Phasma just stood and listened, and there was no denying what was happening in that room. The moans from the woman asking Hux to go harder, telling him she was close, that his cock was the best she has ever felt; Hux telling her she couldn't cum yet, that he wasn’t done with her yet, and to take his cock like the slut she was. Phasma was not about to make this situation awkward, so she returned to the elevator and stood in it until it opened and the woman was standing on the other side. To make this situation even more cliche than it already was, Hux was fucking his 26 year-old secretary, who had been accompanying him on all his trips since becoming CEO.

Phasma decided to play it nonchalantly, like she just got there, “Oh, interesting to see you here this late Amber.”

“I was just sorting through a bunch of files for Mr. Hux is all. Why are you here this late?”

“I was sent to pull him away from work to attend his wife’s birthday party. Have a good night and weekend Amber, see you on Monday.”

“You too Ms. Phasma.”

She walked with a sense of vengeance to Hux’s office because boy was he going to be getting an ear full. She burst into the office, startling Hux who was looking over a document while sipping from a glass of brandy.

She didn't bother for pleasantries before laying into him, “ARMITAGE BRENDOL HUX WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING! Not only do you miss your loving wife’s birthday party, ruining her one birthday wish, you were fucking your secretary! How long have you been cheating on (y/n)?! You know her mental health has declined significantly in the past few months? I secretly had a key made for me in fear one day she wouldn't be at the door to greet me, either from being too sick to get out of bed or worse. She tries to hide that she is sick, and everybody else believes her lies, but I know the truth. If you didn't want to be with her anymore, why didn't you get a divorce before abandoning her and fucking younger chicks. I was already sent here to tell you (y/n) doesn't want to see or talk to you tonight and to possibly yell at you, but now I'm glad I came. I am going to move (y/n) out of your filthy house tomorrow, and get a lawyer working on divorce papers so she can be free from your torment. Why would you ruin such an amazing relationship Hux? You are such a dumb ass, you said you would never become your father, but here you are, cheating on your wife with the secretary, leaving her alone more than being with her, the only thing you need now is to knock Amber up with a redheaded baby boy and you'll be golden. The only differences are that (y/n) cares about you unconditionally, she isn't the daughter of some rich dude like your step-mother, (y/n) will be getting a divorce for her own good, and you are sitting in the position you dad always wanted but could never have. Bye you fucking idiot, and don't try to contact her. See you later.” Phasma turned on her heel and began to walk away.

“Wait, Phasma, let me explain.”

She paused but didn't turn around, “What is there to explain Hux? You blew off your wife’s birthday party so ‘daddy could fuck his pretty little slut’. And yeah I caught you, I didn't barge in when I arrived because a) I don’t need to see your dick and b) I didn’t want to make things awkward for everybody so I waited in the elevator until Amber left. And I'm not going to accept that Amber made you do it, you were way too into that. Just accept that you fucked up astronomically big time and there is no turning back now. I'll give you 30 seconds to start a legitimate excuse, and then I'm leaving.”

Hux sighed and began, “I was just being an idiot, at first she was coming along to transcribe the meetings for me but one trip about three months in I was in my room drinking because I missed (y/n) a lot and Amber showed up at my door and in my almost blackout drunk state I thought she was (y/n), and since she was there to seduce me anyways she took it. If I wasn't drunk this never would have happened, but since it did I decided to continue the relationship. That was stupid on my part. I should have told (y/n) right away, and then had Amber transferred to somebody else, but I was selfish and didn't. I thought I could have both, but I was wrong. Please tell (y/n) that I am sorry and I love her and I will accept a divorce if that is what she wants. And I understand if you or her don't believe that I'm sorry and love her since my actions say otherwise.”

“See you later, Armitage.”

“Bye Phas.”

How could she break this news to (y/n) on her birthday? She couldn't keep this from her, but she didn't want to ruin her birthday even more. Hopefully everybody was still there so (y/n) could have all her new friends around.

At the party while Phasma is heading back

You stood at the sink, looking into the mirror, “You can do this. You are okay. Nobody needs to know besides Phas.”

You walked back out to the party, hoping nobody noticed you were gone. But as soon as you were spotted, they began singing happy birthday and leading you to the cake in the kitchen. What you didn't know is that Phasma had called Mitaka to tell him what was going on and to try to get you as cheery as possible when you emerged because shit was going to hit the fan when she arrived. Mitaka told the rest what was going on and they all embraced it 100%, they wanted to create good memories of today before you were hit by the horrible ones. While Phasma didn't give a reason why shit was going to hit the fan, everybody was able to give a pretty good guess as to why.

After the cake, you all moved to the living room to open presents, and Phasma arrived during that time. When you finished opening your gifts, Phasma asked you to follow her, that she had something to tell you, and your heart sank knowing this wasn’t good news. You didn't want to believe what you heard, the man you loved was fucking his secretary instead of you, and the reason why was because he was drunk as hell one night because he was missing you and she came to seduce him and in his troubled mind he saw you, and then he became selfish enough to keep it going. And to top it off, that is why he wasn't at your party, he was fucking his side chick. Phasma said she already contacted a lawyer and they were staring the paperwork if you wanted a divorce, and while you maybe should have thought about things longer, you told her to have them continue the work. You had no reason to be Mrs. (Y/n) Hux anymore, and you didn't want to be. Phasma led you back out to the living room where everybody was prepared to support you through this hard time. Everybody offered to let you live with them, even Kylo who didn't really like Millicent. You thanked everybody for the offer, but you wanted to stay with Phasma for right now.

Everyone stayed at Phasma’s that night, all of you sleeping around the living room. And they all came along to help pack everything of yours up and move it to Phasma’s house. It was hard for you to walk into that house knowing it was probably the last time. After all your stuff was packed and Millicent was in her carrier, you removed your house key from your key chain and left it on the kitchen counter with a note to Hux: I wish you had left it as a one time fuck. I could have forgiven you if that was the case, but you had to be selfish and think only about yourself. Thank you for ruining my birthday. I loved and trusted you Armitage. - (y/n) (y/ln)

It felt weird not wearing a wedding ring, it felt weird signing all the paperwork and going to court. You hated seeing him because all you wanted to do was run into his arms and have him tell you everything was going to be okay, but you couldn't because he was the reason everything wasn't okay. You spent nights crying on Phasma’s couch with her trying to comfort you the best she could. Sometimes you would spend a night or two at Rey’s or Kylo’s or Mitaka’s when being in Phasma's house where it all went down was too much. You and Rey would buy quarts of ice cream and watch rom-coms and would yell at the guys and eat the ice cream straight out of the container; you and Kylo would complain about Hux and if you started sobbing Kylo would envelop you in his giant arms and tell you you were safe from the world and would stay like that until you calmed, and one time he bought a bunch of cheap orange glass plates that you broke to release some of your anger at Hux; Mitaka would just sit there and let you vent about everything for as long as you needed, he wouldn't say much or do much since he didn't know what to say or do, but he was there for you as a shoulder to cry on, just like the little brother you saw him as. You didn't know Rose, Finn, and Poe as well as the rest, but they would come over to Rey’s sometimes when you were there and you all would do some of the same things you all did on weekends before, and they would send you memes they thought you would like.

They all were there on the final hearing when it was set in stone that you were now divorced. They all held you as you cried, Kylo being the center to “protect you from the world” like you needed. You were sad and crushed that the divorce was finally complete, but you told yourself this is for the best. After everybody else moved away, you still clung to Kylo, letting your sobs soak his shirt.

You spoke into his chest, “Thank you Kylo, I really appreciate all you've done. You're tied with Phasma in being my best friend. It means a lot that you're willing to hold me when all I want is to be in Hux’s arms.”

He lowered his head and whispered to you, “Anything for you, kid. I think you're pretty cool, and you're one of my best friends besides Phasma, too. It is a shame that a dick like Hux had to bring us together. At least he was good for something. Well, he also got you Millicent. Now let's go celebrate, kid, we got stuff planned for you back at Phasma’s.”

While at first you didn't want to celebrate, you ended up having a great time. Mitaka got drunk and told you he saw you as the big sister he never had; Finn, Poe, Kylo, Phasma, and Rey got into a push up contest and Phasma and Rey were tied and left the guys in the dust, with Rey ultimately winning by one; Poe brought his corgi, Bee-bee, who surprisingly got along with Millie. It was the most fun you had in months, and looking at this family you now had made you realize everything was going to be okay, life was going to keep going.

#Armitage Hux x reader #Armitage Hux x you #armitage hux/ you #armitage hux/ reader #divorce #heartbreak #i am sorry #a-r-t creation

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christinaengela · 6 years ago

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Hello friends and fans!

Welcome to my 19th newsletter: July 2018! Coming up in this edition of Another Round @ The Crow Bar:

Regular updates, new releases, and a monthly spotlight on one of my books, this time, the new release of “Demonspawn“.

Hello!

It’s hard to believe how quickly this year has been passing – here we are in July already, and I still have so much to do! June was a pretty hectic month for me, filled with activities not necessarily related to my writing. MoboReader, a Chinese company that deals with ebook distribution, approached me with a request to list my e-titles towards the end of June. I agreed, and signed a contract with them. This should expand my reach somewhat, and I’m curious to see what effect this will have on my sales.

In the meantime, since publishing the new, revamped version of “Dead Beckoning“, I’ve been working on the long-awaited fourth title in the Galaxii Series, “Lange’s Legacy“. This book is already complete and ready for publishing – complete with brand new illustrations, and I’m also busy with a book trailer video for that book at the moment. This book should be released soon, but not in time for this newsletter unfortunately – so stay tuned for updates on that front.

This time, under new releases, I’ll be telling you about “Dead Beckoning“, “The Galaxii Omnibus 1 – Into The Abyss“.

On with the show!

New Releases

Dead Beckoning

Released on June 12, book 3 in the Galaxii Series, having just undergone the same treatment as the previous two titles, “Dead Beckoning” is now over 50,000 words long, containing a mass of extra more in-depth material, and illustrations!

Order: Paperback (Lulu) / eBook (Lulu) / eBook (Smashwords)

Details:

Published: Second Edition, June 12, 2018

Pages: 158

Words: 51,980 (Flowing Text eBook)

Binding: Perfect-bound Paperback

Dimensions (inches): 6×9″ tall (US Trade)

Enjoy the brand new book trailer video below:

Galaxii – Into The Abyss

Blachart, Demonspawn and Dead Beckoning – the first three stories in the Galaxii Series in one big volume! Released originally in 2017, this omnibus contained the previous versions of these three stories. The re-release contains the new updated versions completed with illustrations and extra material.

The new version is also re-titled and re-covered to match the cover you see to the left!

Order: Paperback (Lulu) / eBook (Lulu)

Details:

Published: Fifth Edition, June 13, 2018

Pages: 568

Words: 188,061 (Flowing Text eBook)

Binding: Perfect-bound Paperback

Dimensions (inches): 6×9″ tall (US Trade)

Currently Available Titles:

The Galaxii Series

Blachart

Demonspawn

Dead Beckoning

Galaxii – Into The Abyss (a special omnibus of the first three titles in the Galaxii Series)

The Quantum Series

Black Sunrise

The Time Saving Agency

Innocent Minds

Dead Man’s Hammer

Loderunner

Prodigal Sun

High Steaks

Underground Movement

Moon Jockeys

Fortitude

The Last Hurrah

The Quantum Series – Keep Off The Crabbygrass (an omnibus of The Quantum Series titles 1, 2, 3 and 4.)

About The Quantum Series will give you more background about the series, its settings and characters. To get a better idea of what the latest two titles are about, read What Readers Can Expect In “Prodigal Sun”, “High Steaks”, “Fortitude” & “The Last Hurrah”.

Work on the next four titles in this series, (“Underground Movement“, “Moon Jockeys“, “Fortitude” and “The Last Hurrah“) is still pending at this time.

Panic! Horror In Space

Panic! Horror In Space #1

Panic! Horror In Space #2

Panic! Horror In Space #3

Panic! is a sci-fi/horror series, which will have some decidedly sci-fi characters encountering some decidedly horror entities – ghosts, haunted objects, zombies, etc. along with my usual twisted brand of humor! The first three titles are available in paperback and ebook versions on various distribution platforms including Amazon and Lulu.

For Children

Other Kids Are Kids Almost Just Like You

Ramalama-Side Up! (coloring book)

Non-Fiction

Bugspray

The Pink Community – The Facts

The Peed-Off Peasant’s Collection Of Awesome Parking Memes

Don’t Get Left In The Dark

Edited By Christina Engela

African Assignment by Theo Engela

A Way Of Life by Theo Engela

Shakandazu Valley by Theo Engela

Op Vreemde Weë by Yvonne Lorraine Engela

When Day Is Done by Yvonne Lorraine Engela

Afrikaans Titles

Some of my titles have been translated into Afrikaans – but as you could imagine, it’s a full-time job – and when you use translation software “sickbay” comes out as “Telaxian stoofpot” instead of “siekeboeg” – so you could imagine!

On A Personal Note

Fan Mail & Honorable Mentions

Noticed in the past month by my shiny new wife and PA, Wendy K. Engela, ( 😉 ) were the following honorable mentions:

Reader and fan, Anya Louw sent me a lovely note about “Dead Beckoning” on the 19th of June:

On June 13, MoboReader asked to feature my books on their platform, and I agreed! The books are already available from there!

I display my Fan Mail & Compliments with pride, gratitude and humility. You are always welcome to have a look.

Hate Mail & Horrible Mentions

The past month was (another) rather quiet on the hate mail front. (What am I doing wrong?) I’m sad to say I have nothing new to show you this time! (I may have something to show you next time though!)

(I’m rather proud of my hate mail, and you can review it here – but be forewarned, don’t do it while eating or drinking or you might choke while laughing at it!)

Interviews

If you would like to do an interview with me about my works, please do get in touch!

New Videos

Have a look at my videos on my Video Channel. The newly updated and totally revamped book trailers for Blachart and Demonspawn are there too!

New Listings

As you can see below, my books now seem to be listed just about everywhere!

CHRISTINA WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU! A few nice words go a long way! Please leave your REVIEWS on Academia.edu, Amazon, Anobii, Apple iTunes, Barnes & Noble, Bol, Book Depository, Dilmot eBookMall, FictionDB, Fnac, Foyles, Goodreads, !Indigo, Kobo , Lulu, Lybrary, MoboReader, Nook, Smashwords, Takealot, 24 Symbols – or wherever you see Christina’s books – or just send her an email via the Contact form!

Support The Author

Although most titles listed are available in paperback and/or ebook formats through most online retailers internationally, Christina prefers readers make their purchases via Lulu. This is because while all retailers charge the same price to YOU the reader, Lulu gives the author the largest portion of the proceeds from your purchase.

Monthly Book Spotlight [Spoiler Alert]: “Demonspawn“

“The I.S.S. Mordrake is in serious trouble – after a skirmish with a Corsair marauder, she is stranded in deep space far from regular shipping routes – and death appears certain.

…but in space, not all things are certain, not even death.

At first the discovery of the derelict alien ship is an interesting diversion from the reality of their predicament. After all, it’s far better to explore the wreck in search of some kind of replacement part that could be adapted to repair the engines of the ship, than the alternative – which is to sit and wait for death by hypoxia from creeping cold as the emergency batteries are slowly drained… or, by something else…

Now the crew of the starship Mordrake has to face the terror and solve the ancient riddle of the Akx. Or suffer the same fate as its long dead crew.

“Quite simply, Christina Engela is one of the best voices in sci-fi right now and to not read her work would be to miss a treat!” – Mark Woods, author of Time of Tides and Fear of the Dark.“

CHRISTINA WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU! A few nice words go a long way! Please leave your REVIEWS on Amazon, Anobii, Apple iTunes, Barnes & Noble, Bol, Book Depository, eBookMall, FictionDB, Fnac, Foyles, Goodreads, !Indigo, Kobo , Lulu, Lybrary, Nook, Smashwords, Takealot, 24 Symbols – or wherever you see Christina’s books – or just send her an email via the Contact form!

Synopsis:

[Spoiler Alert]

The second title in the Galaxii Series, “Demonspawn” centers on a star ship crew in a seemingly hopeless situation. In book 2, a starship crew faces imminent death due to a poor decision to battle a ready foe.

Adrift and stranded in deep space with no hope of rescue, the I.S.S. Mordrake has six month’s worth of food on board, but less than two weeks of air, and things look pretty grim. Morale, although low before the incident that resulted in their present predicament, is at an all-time low. The ship is not the only thing breaking down however, and pretty soon Commander Joe Lofflin – who has perpetually faced a degree of scorn from his crew because of his sexual orientation and faces a daily struggle to control his romantic attraction to a junior crewman almost half his age – takes on the roll of acting-Captain after the untimely death of Captain Blaine, and must deal with solving a murder on top of everything else!

As if there is not enough on his plate already, just as things are looking hopeless beyond the pale, something dark and mysterious drifts into their path! An ancient derelict ship of alien origins presents an all-too convenient and timely solution to their problem, offering the desperate castaways the spare parts they need to repair their ship. Just when they think they’ve found salvation in the form of a salvage ship they hope to strip for parts – things go from bad to worse.

In the midst of conducting an investigation into the murder of Captain Blaine, in an atmosphere where nobody is above suspicion and each senior officer has reason to suspect every other senior officer, the survivors of the Mordrake actually do find usable parts on board the derelict. In a difficult to reach part of the long dead alien ship – with the only way in or out littered with the dry and dusty remains of the long-dead alien crew – lies the answer to their problem. And much more than they expected. Just when things start to look hopeful again, one by one, the salvage team members begin to experience mysterious accidents… Gradually, it becomes apparent that ‘accident’ is not even remotely accurate.

In order for them all to survive, the crew of the Mordrake must work together – even though any one of them could be the cold-blooded killer who murdered the Mordrake’s Captain. The parts required to repair their own vessel must be retrieved by any means necessary – no matter what it was on board the derelict ship that seemed to want to keep them there!

This is a story of survival and the fight to survive. It’s also a tale that encourages people to look at life in perspective. The challenge of coming out or admitting to a love-interest that there is an attraction is compared to the challenge of surviving combat and facing the unknown, alone in the dark.

Replete with dark, deserted and spooky corridors, a few ghosts, aliens and robotics, a horror stalking its victims in the dark, lasers, explosions, dead bodies and a murder mystery thrown in, this story pretty much has it all!

About The Galaxii Series

Characters & Plot Devices

The Terran Space Fleet & Academy

From The Imperial Terran Archives

The History of “Demonspawn”

Although the first two stories in The Galaxii Series run in sequence (“Blachart” is book 1 and “Demonspawn” is book 2 in the series) both stories occur more or less simultaneously.

Both tell the stories of imperial starships on the hunt for Corsair ships, with “Blachart” focusing on the crew of the ISS Antares tracking down the Corsair base – which would result in the first mass military action by Terran forces since the end of the Gimp War – while “Demonspawn” tells the tale of another starship (ISS Mordrake) which is severely damaged in a skirmish with a Corsair ship and becomes stranded in deep space with little hope of rescue.

Following the discovery and infiltration of Meradinis by the crew of the imperial star ship Antares, the assembled might of the Terran Space Fleet descends upon the Corsair planet. The Battle of Turtle Island rages in orbit over Meradinis, resulting in the absolute destruction of the Corsair fleet – ending the Corsair menace for all time. It takes imperial forces eight months to bring Meradinis completely under Terran control, with the intention of rehabilitating Meradinis and its population and eventually re-integrating them into Terran society. This of course, leads us up to “Dead Beckoning“, the third book in the Galaxii Series, in which the crews of both ships feature strongly.

Demonspawn is currently on its fifth edition, newly extended and full of extra material. The ebook editions have color illustrations and photos in them.

I started working on the foundations of what would become this story when I started high school in 1986. Back then, it was called “The Red Star”, and it featured the some of the same characters, and the story plot was unrecognizable. By 1988, the basic plot had evolved into the story of a starship that encountered an alien derelict ship lost in space, but there was still a long way to go. By 2005 though, the first edition of Demonspawn made its debut on Lulu.com. In 2007, I redesigned the cover.

In September 2014 I finally got a contract with what I thought was a “traditional publisher“, which although it was not one of those printing companies that expect you to pay ridiculous sums to just to have them print your books, more money to design covers, edit the content, and leave you to market the things for yourself – or charge you even more money to do that… left me disappointed and frustrated. They insisted that they wanted the entire Galaxii Series, which then included seven novels and one collection of short stories, and so I took these all down from my website – but the company only ever re-published two of those – Blachart and Demonspawn.

When I was picked up by a so-called ‘traditional publisher’ in 2014, Demonspawn was the second book they re-released with a new cover created by one of their staff. By the time it was released in 2015, Blachart was around 38,600 words long! Apparently that’s not very long by today’s standards, but to put it into perspective, most novels by the great Terry Pratchett are only around 50,000 words long – and I always felt that if it was good enough for him, it was good enough for me! That aside, if a story can be told well in whatever space of words, then that should be good enough too.

But as I do so often, I digress; By 2016 though, things had changed. The publisher abandoned all its ‘non-purist’ horror writers and cut us all loose, so I went back to indie-publishing again. By July 2016, I republished the Fourth Edition of Demonspawn on Lulu.com.

Since 2016, when I went indie again, I’d been working on later books and new projects. Since finishing editing and publishing of most of my parent’s works in early 2018, I took a look at the channels through which my books have been distributed – and decided that I should also place my titles at Smashwords to gain access to their distribution network also.

Smashwords have different publishing formatting requirements to Lulu, and and so, while I was busy releasing “Blachart” via Smashwords, I discovered that I had to reformat the entire manuscript to meet their technical specifications! It looked daunting at first, but I’m a quick study and in the end it wasn’t as hard as I initially thought.

While I was at it (the most dangerous words known to humanity) I spotted a couple of editing errors left over from my “traditional” publishing days, and set off to check the whole manuscript for more. This sparked off another edit, and then I added a little bit here, and a little bit there… and before I realized it, a drastic complete rewrite was underway!

I evaluated each sentence. I added a stack of more material… back-stories and extras that would enrich and enhance the overall experience of what I had envisioned as the Galaxii Series! Two weeks later, the Smashwords Edition of Blachart was finished! Then I designed a fantastic new cover which would also form the basis of a template for the entire Galaxii Series. I also decided to include some illustrations in the book (ebook form) to make it more attractive. I’m pretty sure I succeeded!

I then went ahead doing the same thing to “Demonspawn”.

Reviews:

Something’s waiting in the dark…

“Engela proves she is the newest, best voice in sci-fi with this second volume in her Galaxii series set in the furthest reaches of deep space.

On an Imperial ship, damaged in a battle with corsairs and now floating adrift, tensions begin to rise as the crew slowly begin to realise that they are all about to die. The captain, unable to accept that the current situation they find themselves in is all his fault, sits in his cabin getting drunk when he is confronted by a killer.

And it is in this moment that a small sliver of hope appears.

An alien ship, abandoned in an asteroid field, provides their only hope of salvation but going aboard, the crew soon discover there is a reason why the ship is empty.

Everyone onboard has been slaughtered.

With no other choice, the crew begin the slow process of cannibalising the alien ship for parts, all the time only too aware that there is not just a killer in their midst but also on this abandoned alien ship as well.

As more and more people begin to die, it becomes a race against time – can the crew get the parts they need and get out of there before it is too late? And even if they do, will they still be safe even then?

This book is an awesome read and one that comes across as a mash-up of such films as Alien, Hardware, and Event Horizon.

If this makes the book sound like it is derivative, fear not!

Christina Engela has a unique and brilliant voice that helps make this story her own as she slowly builds the tension to a shocking and tense climax.

Quite simply, Christina Engela is one of the best voices in sci-fi right now and to not read her work would be to miss a treat!

If you like classic space opera with an ultra-modern twist, you should check her out. Having read previews of her forthcoming work, I can guarantee you the best is yet to come…” – Mark Woods, author of ‘Time of Tides’ and ‘Fear of the Dark’.

A real page turner…

“Joe Lofflin, second in command of the Terran deep space cruiser ISS Moredrake, has to inform his crew of 226 survivors of the devastating news that they now only have a few days left to live – no thanks to the actions of their Captain, Philip Wainright Blaine.

The Mordrake was on a mission to locate the home world of their arch enemy – the Corsairs, and after suffering catastrophic damage in a battle, was now left adrift in space – helpless and marooned.

Joe also comes face to face with his own desires as he falls for one of his junior crew members – Dellon Bennett, a handsome 24 year old man in the prime of his life.

The murder of Captain Blaine sees Loffin taking charge of the ship and leading the survivors into an uncertain future. Facing not only death itself, with limited oxygen, they also have to deal with finding the murderer. But that’s not all – this human enemy is not the only adversary they will have to face. A derelict alien ship crossing their path adrift for over 6000 years offers them a tantalizing chance at life, but at greater risk.

Will the murder of Captain Blaine be solved? Will Joe Loffin’s interest in Dellon grow into something more? And will the Moredrake and its crew survive the ultimate enemy?

This Sci-fi thriller brings everything to the table, murder, suspence, action, love.

A real page turner by Christina Engela.” – Zenja Collins, Zen Entertainment

Reader’s Comments:

A knack for writing villains

“The Space Fleet ship I.S.S. Mordrake has been damaged in a confrontation with the Corsairs. The main transmuter coil has burned out and there is no replacement. They are on life support which is running on the emergency batteries and will last only a few more days. Captain Philip Blaine has been murdered and Commander Lofflin has to take over. There is no hope until they spot a derelict ship in space that could have spare parts to salvage but an ancient terror, the Akx awaits them on the ship.

Christina’s writing is lucid and while reading I found myself shifting into ‘3rd gear’, able to immerse myself, immediately grabbed by the story. I liked the way the characters were developed. The strong leadership skills of Commander Lofflin are contrasted with the complete lack of leadership in Captain Blaine. There is moreover a strong theme of ‘confronting your fears’ in this story. Commander Lofflin has to confront his fears continuously. From addressing the crew about the impeding doom, the damaged ship and failing life support systems, right up to asking a young man out for a date. On almost every page this theme is brought in and I found it tremendously interesting.

Christina seems to have a knack for writing villains. With the Akx she really raised the bar. I felt suspense filling my whole body while reading. It kept me reading up till late to find out what happens.

A clearly written sci-fi novella with an interesting theme on confronting fear. The characters are well done and a villain that will raise suspense. Rating: 4 stars out of 5.” – Mr. Green.

Sci-fi fans will love this book

“They say in space no one can hear you scream. In Demonspawn: Galaxii Series Book 2, there are plenty of screams as a creature rips its way through the inhabitants of a spaceship. A crew member, Kaine, tries to take the creature down in one last desperate move.

Reminiscent of Alien, where a helpless crew faces an alien terror, the story drew me in and I could feel that same claustrophobic feel I got when watching the movie. I felt the characters were well developed and the story moved along at a good pace. Sci-fi fans will love this book. It is available to buy now on Amazon. Rated it 5 of 5 stars” – S.K. Gregory.

Engrossing space story

“Engrossing space story.

A crew faces imminent death due to a poor decision to battle a ready foe. Just when they think they’ve found salvation in the form of a salvage ship they hope to use for parts – things go from bad to worse. The best part about the story was the quality writing. Excellent description. Good pacing. Recommend.” – J. Hunter.

Awesome book!!!

“Really enjoyed reading this one. I had a hard time putting it down. Every page leaves you with a burning desire to find out what happens next. The way she writes this book makes it so easy to picture the entire story in your head. Its more like watching a movie than reading a book!!” – Stephanie Bothma

A riveting blend

“A riveting blend of horror and science fiction laced generously with Ms. Engela’s trademark quirky humor.” – Alex S. Johnson

Awesome And Incredible Reads

“Both books [‘Blachart‘ and ‘Demonspawn‘ ] were awesome and incredible reads. I couldn’t put them down. They were fantastic and I was able to get vivid mental images of the scenes as I was reading them. That’s the sign of a great author. Congratulations Christina. Your writing truly ROCKS!” – Scott M. Darrah, reader, April 10, 2016.

Author Questions:

1) The novel is built around a Gay Character – Joe Lofflin. What was your inspiration behind the character itself?

I’d previously written a gay character in my first book – which was Blachart the Corsair. That was a much more complex character, darker and fiercer than Lofflin. Blachart was also a stereotypical ‘bad guy’ who had had a very hard life and lots of negative experiences, who gradually is revealed to be not so bad, and then ultimately, just another one of the ‘good guys’. He wasn’t the main character of that story. In this story I wanted to try a completely different angle with a gay character and make him the focus of the tale.

Commander Joe Lofflin is an experienced officer in the Imperial Space Fleet, he’s popular with most of the crew, he’s got friends among the other senior officers on the ship – and as the second in command on the ship, he’s in his element. Several things happen in Demonspawn to catapult Lofflin to the center of attention – namely the untimely death of Captain Blaine, and their ship being stranded in deep space, purportedly without a hope of rescue.

I dislike it when I see LGBT people being stereotyped – or gay men being objectified and misrepresented as being ‘weak’ or ‘feminine’ just because they’re gay. Yes, there are lots of different ‘stations’ on the sexuality and gender spectrum – and I have created a lot of other characters along the LGBT spectrum in my stories – but in this particular case I wanted Lofflin to portray a masculine male whose sexuality happened to be just another facet to his character. Lofflin is just another guy doing the same kind of job done by plenty of other guys. In short, I wanted Lofflin to be a heroic gay action man, because there are so few such examples in modern media, literature and fiction!

My goal was to portray a character that most masculine people could identify with easily, while providing insight on what such a character would feel, think or do in certain circumstances. As a story teller, I wanted to add more emotional depth to the character – because nobody, not even an ‘action hero’, is as two-dimensional as all that.

Lofflin isn’t a kid. He’s an older man with experience in life as well as having been a soldier. He’s used to giving orders and running the ship and acting as a liaison between the crew and their captain. He’s also single and lonely, and very much aware that in a military environment it’s not so easy to form romantic bonds with others in the same crew, least of all openly.’

2) This being a Sci-Fi thriller you are very specific when it comes to the ships instruments and weaponry. Have you done a lot of research involving this?

‘When I was at high school an English teacher once said something very similar about my writing – she said that I used terminology and descriptive terms with flair and apparent ease! I guess I could say I’ve always enjoyed reading and watching sci-fi and I’ve always had my own ideas on how things should be done. I have a background in computing, I served in the military, and I love history and research, so yes – I’ve also researched a lot about tech stuff and have a broad sense of how some things might work in a future setting.

I think the key with sci-fi stories is to not give too much tech information to the reader. You have to make this stuff believable without getting wrapped up in explaining for three pages how a reflex furnace or transmatter platform works – the typical reader would get bored and lose interest in the story. The story needs to flow, so as a writer I ‘cut the cackle’ and work around lengthy explanations and treat the tech as someone might write about a character using a cell phone today. Not quite that simple, but somewhere between the two extremes, and that seems to work.’

3) Who is Dellon Bennett?

‘Bennet is a young crew member, much lower in rank in relation to Lofflin, and he’s also relatively inexperienced. He has formed a close circle of friends on the ship who share various similar interests, and who very likely are aware of his sexuality.

Dellon is not the ‘action man’ type as it were. Lofflin finds him very attractive, both physically as well as in terms of his personality and character. Dellon is shy and reserved. Physically he might be considered of average build, but there is a refinement in terms of certain physical features Lofflin is drawn to. His eyes, his face naturally – but also his long thin fingers and hands.

The last thing I wanted to do was to reinforce the notion straight people have of ‘who’s the boy and who’s the girl’ by making Dellon appear more feminine, but at the same time I am also aware that a lot of fem gay guys get a raw deal from the community. I wanted in this case to show that there are a lot of fem gay guys out there, and that there is nothing wrong with being fem. People should be happy with how they are or want to be. Two people should be allowed to be attracted to each other for who they are, fall in love, and be happy. So Dellon Bennet, while not exactly a ‘fem’, and not an ‘action hero’ – is a bit of a deviation from several stereotypes as well.’

4) Without giving too much away, what was your inspiration for the Akx?

‘The Akx is a pretty bad-ass plot device, if I say so myself! 🙂

It’s over 6000 years old and it’s pretty much invincible because it knows what your fears are and uses them to beat you before you can make a move against it! Then, while you’re lying slumped in a heap of fear, it strikes! As if that isn’t bad enough, it seems to draw some kind of satisfaction or enjoyment from the fear it creates, and the kill itself!

I’d say that in many ways this could be understood to mean that our own fears are what hold us back as people. Often it’s not what really happens that beats us, it’s what we fear might happen. The Akx is a euphemism for that weakness in all of us.

We can only make progress in life if we rise to meet these challenges and face our fears, look into the eyes of the abyss, and even though we are afraid, do the best we can.’

About The Galaxii Series

Characters & Plot Devices

The Terran Space Fleet & Academy

From The Imperial Terran Archives

Order: Paperback (Lulu) / eBook (Lulu) / eBook (Smashwords)

Details:

Published: Fifth Edition, May 27, 2018

Pages: 168

Words: 51,983 (Flowing Text eBook)

Binding: Perfect-bound Paperback

Dimensions (inches): 6×9″ tall (US Trade)

‘Like’ Demonspawn by Christina Engela on Facebook

Economize! Buy “The Galaxii Series Omnibus 1: Into The Abyss“, containing the first three titles in the Galaxii Series by Christina Engela: “ Blachart ”, “Demonspawn” and “Dead Beckoning” – all in one big omnibus, for LESS than buying all three separately!

In Closing

Well, that’s all, folks! 🙂

Thanks again for all your support, friendship and interaction! Until next time, keep reading!

Cheers! 🙂

If you would like to know more about Christina Engela and her writing, please feel free to browse her website. If you want to know what Christina Engela’s focus group or target market is, please read here. If you would like to read more about Christina’s life and experiences, please go to her Biography and the article “Timeline of Milestones, Awards & Achievements“. To leave her a message, please use the Contact form. Visit her Shop. ‘Add’ Christina Engela on Facebook (Profile). ‘Like’ Christina Engela on Facebook (Page). All material copyright © Christina Engela, 2018.

Another Round @ The Crow Bar #19 – July 2018 Hello friends and fans! Welcome to my 19th newsletter: July 2018! Coming up in this edition of Another Round @ The Crow Bar:

#art #author #christina engela #drawings #fantasy #female #Galaxii Series #horror #Illustrations #Images #LGBT #newsletter #Panic - Horror In Space #quantum series #sci-fi #science fiction #sketches #South African #transgender

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