#its been YEARS (literally) (i miss them)
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i miss them......please come back........please come home :((
#this one goes out to the ten knkdz stans left on bsd tumblr wya#ITS BEEN SO LONG SINCE IVE DRAWN THEM I MISS THEM SO BAD :(((#please......i dont knkw how much longer i can take this.......please come home to me......#i'm literally experiencing withdrawal symptoms they've been apart for like SEVEN years#ALSO I KEEP FORGETTING KUNIS GLASSES IM FUCKING KILLING MYSELF ISTG IT DOESNT REGISTER IN MY BRAIN FSR😭😭😭😭😭😭#also one thing i noticed while coloring this is how nicely their outfits compliment each other. husbands fr <3#sry if the art style is different in every drawing i drew these all weeks apart💀#kunikida doppo#doppo kunikida#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#kunikidazai#knkdz#lotus draws
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Hey remember right before the pandemic when a season of a show was about 15-20 episodes? Remember when having 8 episodes what called "a mini-series"? Remember when we could get a season a year and not wait 2 years to get a continuation of a story? remember when shows had time to grow and form an audience? remember that? yeah? cuz i do
#im rewatching the good place cuz im sad#like for fuck sake we cant get shit anymore#fuck netflix#fuck streaming services#yes this is about dead boy detectives#and like#literally every other critically aclaimed show that i loved and never got past one season#dead boy detectives#save dead boy detectives#renew dead boy detectives#please at least let them have a cameo in sandman#speaking of- 2 YEARS!! ITS BEEN 2 YEARS!!!#and i know why it was delayed and im happy the writters and actors get better conditions#but oh my god its been so long i miss them#my stuff
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twdg s4 really gave us an adorable wlw romance for the main character about building a home and a family where the two antagonists are an evil woman who she was partially cared for by as a child and her girlfriends fucked up not-exactly-ex girlfriend who wants her dead (who has been manipulated by Evil Woman and they are character foils) AND its written by a gay woman and its fucking CRICKETS!!!!! i dont understand !!!!!!!
#this time im really gonna do it (post more clemviminnie shit even if people are weird about it)#yes i know twdg ended years ago I DONT CARE its no excuse#theyve always been ignored and i dont fucking GET IT!!!!!#yes i know theyre also buried 4 seasons deep I STILL DONT CARE. THEYRE WORTH IT. CLEM IS WORTH ALL OF IT ANYWAY#take me back to when S4 was releasing i miss when they had attention 😭😭😭#clemvi literally has EVERYTHING im not even exaggerating 😭😭 no ship has come close since them ive been spoiled#its just me and the surprising amount of people still writing clemvi fics on ao3. i love you#i saw that “top f/f pairings on ao3” post the other day and i was just like........... clemvi deserves to be here HDJKSHDSJK#im doing my part (writing another clemvi fic)#theres an easter egg where if you dont know who randy tudor is it just looks like god is winking down at these two girls about to confess#and like... thats just awesome :)#twdg s4 was written by the girls and the gays FOR the girls and the gays. thank you mary kenney for my life#twdg#it speaks#violentine
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i miss dadroog guys. i miss them a lot.
#why couldn't i hyperfixiate on davekat or something . i read like a million words and i hyperfixiated on dadroog.#it has been a YEAR . Please.#oh dadroog they could never make me hate you#i miss them so much dude its not even funny anymore But. BUT.#it used to be worse#no hsbc and literally no one cared . like a year ago#i like the little community and friends ive made because of old man yaoi . im so joyous#im a very patient man . just knowing hsbc is up and running means we could get crumbs#and ill be so happy#hope is never lost#sorry I MISS THEM#bonks thinkpan#l8 edition#procrastinating edition#giggles#dadroog
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they honestly couldve done so much with junpei beheaded/dismembered and im disappointed that it ended up just being mira. so much of his character and his relationship with akane is characterized by his lack of bodily autonomy, and him being openly beheaded during the nonary games would be the ultimate example of this. its perhaps the most brutal death in the game, and it never really gets explained or developed beyond the one puzzle that we get with it. junpei has been shown repeatedly to be subject to akane's plans or follow her blindly and i just think that would have been a really interesting angle to approach his beheading from. junpei has willingly signed up for nonary games in two different timelines just because he knew he would see her. he was infected with a deadly virus trying to find her. he grew desensitized to death as he took underground jobs to try and find her. his safety always comes second when shes in the picture, and his beheading wouldve been a prime opportunity to 1. exploit his willingness to let himself die/be injured for her and 2. make akane confront the fact that her confidence that junpei will always follow after her is not necessarily a positive thing.
#zero escape#additionally wasnt mira supposed to be asleep?? like i know she didnt get the forget juice but didnt she still get knocked out?#but also!! none of her other kills were like that! none of them were dismembered and she didnt touch junpeis chest#so even that reasoning doesnt make sense#kinda feels like a copout to keep the shock of junpei being disrespected in such a way - to have his very body turned into a puzzle#a puzzle that akane is forced to solve!!! without knowing that what shes looking for is his head - him!#theres so much potential there and they just didnt do anything#im not even saying that akane should have somehow been responsible for that death - only that not having her really grapple with it is such#a missed opportunity#i still fucking LOVE the imagery of it though. i really think its the epitome of the representations of his lack of autonomy#he loses all of vlr. quark. 45 years of his life. because akane decides this is best for him. he dies repeatedly trying to find her.#because she believes that she knows what will keep him safe#and turning junpeis body into a puzzle posthumously is a fantastic example of his lack of control over his body#its like hes literally become a doll. hes jumpydoll - not junpei. hes subject to these games even after he has died.#he gets no peace. no respect in his death. not when hes in these games. not when hes in the shadow of akanes whims and games.#i still love the imagery. i think it was one of my favorite parts of ztd and is honestly now a core tenet of my Junpei Understanding#but i was disappointed in the lack of narrative weight that specific death had. for him to be one of the first dead? for it to be in such a#brutal manner? like come ON. the character analysis for junpei and akane and their relationship is RIGHT THERE. all you had to do was put i#in the game#but nope.#they just handwave it as something mira did.#and dont bring up the details ever again because. plot point solved?#anyway. ive been thinking about junpei imagery and bodily autonomy a lot. obviously.#zero escape spoilers#mak no peeking#marydontlookatthis
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COOKIES OF DARKNESS NATION WE ARE OFFICIALLY BACK 💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
(long rambling in tags if u care)
#cookie run#licorice cookie#red velvet cookie#affogato cookie#I KNOW im late to this but i was at school ok 🙄 anyways i have a lot of thoughts#first off LICORICE UGH I MISSED HIM SO BAD IM SO HAPPY FOR HIM#his stats are so fascinating to me. i don't think anyone was expecting his strength to be that high#its pretty average but its still his best stat surprisingly#im shocked his strategy and puzzle solving are only 3. i think that's a strange decision to make them so low but I'm open to accepting it#maybe his avoidance/lack of ability to see the big picture contributes to the low scores?#his stats are so unexpected but I could get used to it. still i want an elaboration from devsis on these#i want them to show his strength in the show because i was expecting his strength to be like. 3 or 4#but anywho. i think its very funny how affo is 0 strength. i love how its canon licorice could easily kick his ass in a fist fight#i really do love affo and im SO happy to see him with the cod fucking finally all we got with him as a cod until now was ODYSSEY 😭#im so excited to see him work with the cod as an actual member. he's a very fun character for me#i cant wait for them to actually make him feel like one of the cookies of darkness its been over a year since he joined by now c'mon#im just so ecstatic that the cod are back. hopefully this is a good omen and will pave the way for more cod appearances soon#bcs u all know how i feel about the lack of cod for the better part of the past year. this better be their comeback i believe in them#😁😁😁😁😁😁 IM JUST SO HAPPY THIS IS THE BEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME IM SO HAPPY U HSVE NO IDEA I LITERALLY SCREAMED#btw ik crepe is there. but they're in a weird grey area of being a cod so i didn't post them BUT IM VERY HAPPY THEY'RE THERE TOO ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#♦️charlie's miscellaneous
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Every month I pray for a yatori reunion every month I'm paid in DUST I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE IM-
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Oh no, the bad feelings are coming back
#chronic suicidality#I guess it could be a depressive episode l? I've been sleeping like 12+ hours everyday for a bit#was it set off by this pos dude ghosting me after using me for sex? probably.#for 2 months he talked to me everyday and when i finally go to meet him he ghosts me 2 days later#i literally asked him to just tell me he wasn't interested anymore and he ignored that message#fucking coward#it wasn't even good sex it just made me miss having sex with my ex boyfriend#i should probably go back to therapy. ive been having a really hard time the past few months#i also haven't been on any psych meds in a year because i just can't afford them#the clinic here in town refuses to prescribe them again because my issues are 'way too severe' to not be seeing a psychiatrist.#that i can't afford its $100 a visit. i don't have a job. I'm disabled. due to the mental illness
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society if hoo had them at uni age and the lost trio went to chb and chiron is like "how tf are ANY of u alive and unclaimed". wilderness was just community college.
#on a serious note this changes a lot actually. annabeth and percy would not be in chb anymore so when percy goes missing#its like. a genuine possibility and fear because demigods don't make it that old. there is also some added time between tlo and tlh as well#further adding to jasons isolation as being even WEIRDER than everyone else. he also would've been praetor for longer so maybe the romans#wouldve cared more. this also does away with the plot hole of ppl not giving a shit that jason piper and leo (and dylan) straight up#dipped. introducing piper especially to a summer camp makes chb less appealing because they're too old for that and thus makes their#departure from chb make more sense in toa. yet also it opens up the possibility of new rome uni.... which i cannot see any reason as to why#leo would not go there!!!!! outside of being banned cuz he bombed new rome lol. but pipers sexuality arc works for college too!!! ur never#too old to find urself. but also this is the question of if you are able to relatively function in society (this is more for piper leo fran#and i guess percy) then why would you even fight this prophecy??? anyway lol them being college aged is perfect cuz percy is literally#going to a new place and having a new transition with new ppl... like u do in college LOL. now the question is would hazel still be 13. nic#is a lot older at this point and perhaps has the same age gap as bianca and him did 🤔 cant remember. but also don't know why hazel was 13#in the first place lol. idk. in my college hoo she is just a senior in hs about to graduate from spqr and thinking about staying there or#possibly going to newru after seeing frank make the decision the previous year! SAD!#anyway in hoo. percy and annabeth are sophomores. frank and the lost trio are freshman.#but then in toa. percy annie frank and the lost trio are all graduating cuz percy got held back and Annabeth failed after tartarus fr.#but then also know that piper never went to newru and is adamant about going to mortal uni. and leo kills in newru but is bored. nvm i#forgot he died 🧍♂️ ummmmmm ok. ignore leo. and jason actually. so um. ok that really threw me off but are u getting it. that's when apollo#is like 'heeyyyyy i need help pwease 🥺' and they're all like 'dude.'#OK!#but also i ackowedge that this is a children's book and i am not its demographic so god be with you.
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😺
#i haven't addressed yoongi's situation yet because i'm honestly still not hit by it i guess. like it didnt gwt to me yet#i dont think ill ever love anyone the same as i love him you know what i mean#he has been the first reason of my self development. like he literally raised me??? i learned from him how to be the person i am today#and its like im saying goodbye to a family member. the thing is i have never griefed anyone's absence like this#its like a part of my soul will be missing until he comes back#but at the same time i know what he would want for me. to move on and to become my own reason#he would want me to be kind to myself. to focus on myself and not miss him that much.#he would want that for all of us right#but i have a very hard time processing things. do you guys remeber the festa last year? when we found out theyll be going on hiatus#the reality of it snd the fact that it will be happening hit me onky after around 3 months.#thats when i first cried because i realized what it meant. ofc i knew but it didnt occur to the emotional part of my brain at that time#and i feel like im truly gonna fall apart when THIS hits me in 3 months lol#my life has never been worse and thats honestly the time when i need the reassurance the most#when i need the people i love and find comfort in the most.#but its just me and thats technically just my problem. but since i am talking about my view on this then thats okay i guess hahah anyway#i just hope he knows there are milions of ppl who love him as much as i do. and thats like extra love like forever & beyond type of shit#i honestly dont think other people ever truly fully understand how we feel towards them. especially when you really love somebody#because they have their own opinions about themselves. they debate whether they deserve some kind of treatment or not. we all do that right#and i just know he does that too. i just reslly want him to feel completely loved and cherished and appreciated.#i want him to see himself through our eyes. to surround himself with people who see him exactly the way we do.#to fall in love with somebody who will see him like we see him#nobody deserves better life than this man. and i hope that after our reunion he will live that life to the fullest 💓 i can't wait to see it#anyway. if somebody needs to talk about it or wants to get sadness out of your system - im here 💓#please keep your heads up and lets wait for him 💓#we have esch other and we will be okay 💓#sorry for typos i can barely see its 1am 🤓
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all my old fav youtubers coming back this fall has gotten me into a mood where I've been diving back into old bands I used to listen to religiously. and i gotta say ... they all still slap
#[static]#not that i ever stopped listening to them much but ive been playing the entire album instead of just listening to favorites#so many memories tied to certain albums fkjghdf#i dont miss being a teen/in my early 20s at all life was so much harder and confusing and it was the height of my worst mental health years#but the world did feel simpler#the punk and emo scene fucked HARD in the early 2000s and 2010s#i hope we see a revival (and i feel like ive been seeing some new artists that hit that nostalgia in the right way)#i have been genuinely feeling Older recently and not in a bad way. its just funny to be in an age bracket that is a minority where i work#ppl are either way to old to know what im talking about or where literal babies when i was in school#i had to explain what camp was at work the other day and also they had no idea what rocky horror picture show was and me and the -#other gay millennial at work were losing our minds that people in their 20s hadnt heard of rocky horror#politely losing our minds of course like ... who cares if people dont know or do the things we did as young queers but also it -#- definitely made us feel older!#theyve also been playing a station that has all the music from my middle school and high school years ....#you know you're getting old when theres now a store radio station for it LOL they never play anything current
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I do still think it's funny that when my dad's ex broke up with him she like tried to assure me that it wasn't his fault it was hers and I was standing there thinking like Audrey I literally only come to his custody days because its your house we both know he sucks shit it's ok
#gamer txt.#i do miss her alot#they werent married or anything but i did stay with her and her kids for like 2 or 3 years yknow i did view them as my step family#hell its been like almost a decade and i make my toast like she did for me in the mornings#the originals been lost but the weighted sheep teddy she got was so important to me i got another one like 3 years ago#^ literally in bed with me right now and always has been#like. girl i was there for you!!!!!
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This winter (the season not the me) has been unseasonably and terrifyingly warm, like it's 10 degrees (Celsius sorry Americans) out today and I'm reminded of an article I read in the news a couple years ago about how Canada was baking at twice the rate as the rest of the world and go 👁️👄👁️. In my youth snow where I live would be probably a foot high in the lowest snow areas of snow drifts and up to my waist (in adult height) in the high parts, and every year I see less and less snow ☠️☠️☠️
On one hand despite my namesake I actually loathe the season winter, I'm extremely sensitive to the cold and getting brain freeze because the wind is blowing against the direction you're walking in sucks booty hole. But like NO snow is extremely bad. VERY bad. Do not like living out the consequences of climate change because uh. Canada just does not seem to have winters like it used to and hasn't in years. It's like watching all the corn crops stop growing like they used to because the summers are so much dryer and hotter with the exception of last summer, which was almost wet enough to kill the corn with that. But they survived and grew bushy like they used to and it was kind of terrifying to acknowledge I hadn't seen a crop that good in years.
#winters ramblings#on one hand it genuinely is SO NICE to not deal with snow seriously it is SO inconvenient#beautiful to look at for sure REALLY stunning when its not literally blinding you but omG snow on roads#in the cities where i live leave HUGE slush puddles and the snow is so MUSHY and WET from cars#pulverizing it to a fine icy slush ready to SOAK your feet in freezing water. shit is inconvenience powder#but the environment is in NEED of the snow that is how this country works environmentally NORMALLY#but no now we have consistently spring weather and ever less snowy winters#although we did have a shitty winter a couple years ago but thats not exacy indicive of much when it goes against prior patterns#and also that shitty winter STILL wasnt the winters of my childhood. the snow was ABSURD then#and yes its because drifts were the size of ME but even the massive piles of snow plowed from side walks are so much smaller#IF theres snow pules at all weve BARELY got snow this year and none of it stuck!!#like damn its been gone long enough ill miss it exactly until i have to walk to a bus stop in it#when i was 13 ill never forget my parents making me return a movie in a snow storm and it took me FORTY MINUTES#to complete this task because the snow NO JOKE was up to my wasit the whole way and i was my full 5'6 then#the snow was HORRIBLE. and for reference how long it USUALLY takes me to walk uptown and back?#roughly 15 minutes round trip so it took longer to walk ONE WAY than it took me to do a round trip no snow#and thats the last time i remember having a REALLY bad winter on account of walking to school was ALSO hell if the sidewalk#wasnt already plowed and usually only the main streets got that and i was Middle Street so id be done when id be going HOME#but not when i was going TO school. that winter blew ASS butlike it was normal bring them back 😭😭
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went to the beach w kp & 4 other indian friends & 3 of us had NEVER surfed before girl WHEW it’s SO fun literally only 20quid to rent a wetsuit & board & i fucking smashed my toes on the sand so much, but also we 1) got the wrong tickets so we got off 1 stop early 2) went to find a bus & the bus that was supposed to be 15 min turned into an HOUR 3) on our way to find a bus back everyone’s phones are dying or dead bc it took us 3hrs longer to get there, cigarettes are out 4) all of the shops in town are closed & the town seems to have ONLY a tesco extra & 1 off license that sells a PACK FOR 15.65 A PACK WHICH IS FUCKING CRIMINAL ITS CHEAPER TO BUY IT FROM TESCO ARE U INSANE 5) the bus back to the other town kept skipping us bc the bus stop wasn’t the ACTUAL bus stop - i had 1 bowl since literally 11a & we got back at fucking 11p 😭😭😭
#diary#i was honestly abt to strangle EVERYBODY#‘do u have a cigarette’ ‘where’s ur vape’ ‘where are we going’ ‘which bus is it’ ‘do u have a ___’ ‘did u bring ___’ girl what am i DORA w#the magic fuckin BACKPACK ??? while ur UP MY ASS dig around & SEE IF SMTHGS IN THERE 😭😭😭😭#i literally broke sobriety again bc i was just#girl i was so agitated & there was 1 TRAIN LEFT BEFORE 11P so we needed to get the 2ND TO LAST BUS OF THE DAY#i deadass was like ‘if we miss that train i will make sure u all go blind’ ‘did u bring a knife’ ‘I DONT NEED 1’#AKSJAKSKAKKSJSKSSJAKJSKAHSKSHDLASKAKDLA#LIKE U BITCHES SMOKED ALL MY CIGARETTES MY VAPES DEAD MY PHONES DYING UR ALL DRUNK IM GOING TO KILL YALL 😭😭😭😭😭#<- me knowing i could never be a parent#tbh if i caught my kid smoking a cig id make em do the ol ‘im going to sit down in front of u w a fresh box of cigarettes & make u finish#the box or pass out’#YES IM STRICT#i think it’s so funny ok unrelated but like they’ll speak hindi & i’ve just#learned it through being around them kind of like i can’t speak it except for some word u know like matachot etc but i’ll Understand the#Context & what’s being Said#ASLKALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSLA like while waiting for the train back 1 of them was talking abt me being a fool to the others - literally they’re#all indian & i had walked away so when i walked back he was still talkin but then i started giggling bc i knew he was talkin abt me & how i#pinched a bit of the kebab to throw to the seagull bc he offered it to me & i needed to bait the seagull w something & i pinched & tossed &#& he looked at me like 😦 bhenchod ! & then the seagull came over & i was like :D hi bestie <3333 but then when i started giggling after i#walked back he was like ‘what the fuck does he just know hindi now’#it makes me laugh so fucking HARD 😭😭😭😭😭 LIKE FUCK U I LIKE TO PARTICPATE IN COVERSATION IDC ABT LANGUAGE#like i’ve been surrounded by yall for the past#girl it’s been like a year i don’t even talk to british ppl or americans#ALSKALSKALSKALKSLAKSLALSLA MESS ! i love to slavsquat & kp hates it bc he’s like ‘we’re in the uk why are u sitting like this’ bc he thinks#it’s ’too indian’ ALSKALSKALSKALJSKAKDLA 😭😭😭😭😭 this hips were made for sitting#we’re definitely going to go back bc it’s SO CLOSE IF WE ACTUALLY USE THE TRANSPORT PROPERLY ITS ONLY LIKE AN HOUR OR SO COMMUTE EACH WAY#bring lunch whatever#i’m exhausted but also socially like bro i had to leave the donner place just to walk around the block for SOME QUIET#i’ve just been sososososo busy LOSING MY MIND
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also, i am dealing with a big old brain slump and having dumb negative emotional things which are wholly imposter syndrome and depression related and not accurate i'm having a hard time convincing myself to write bc my brain is doing that whole nobody really likes your blog / writing / existence thing that happens and i know that's not true but brains are stupid, so right now i'm just letting a random number generator tell me what to reply to bc otherwise i'm just going to sit here and be miserable, so please know that i love you all and all the plots i have going with john mean the world to me and if i've been shitty about replying to memes / drafts / plotting or whatever it's absolutely not you it's just my brain being fucking stupid and ilu all.
#OOC.#its not you its literally me#my brain hates me bc it's stupid#this time of year is hard for me even if i know my two oldest kiddos are 'okay' it's still hard#there's a whole long backstory but yeah#i miss my kids and even if i've been able to talk to them a few times in the last couple years i missed almost all their lives bc their dad#is a jackass and asdlkfj it's just a thing#i'm fine#it just sucks#can't ever get that time back#ANYWAY#love you guys ty for putting up with me#kidnapping mention tw#kinda#i guess
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Was just having a conversation with my friends the other day about how difficult it is to be a fan of things nowadays and actually avoid spoilers and so in preparation I blocked/muted literally every jjk tag I could think of across sites and somehow I still immediately open tiktok to spoilers (which is not too surprising as tiktok has literally the WORST filtering system I've seen, like even tumblr has their shit together better than that). But anyway it just kinda makes me sad that it's almost impossible to be online now and actually enjoy things at your own pace? It makes me think of when Netflix drops whole seasons and suddenly it's a race to binge everything so you don't get spoiled and I do think it's actively killing our enjoyment of things. Obviously this case is a lil different, the leaks still come out on a weekly basis but I think there's really something to be said about reading a finished product rather than seeing 25 blurry images of the same panel with iffy translations
#and sure i could just not go online ever#but also when ive taken literally every precaution possible and you know#do my best to cultivate the online experience i want#i should not still be walking through a mine zone#and like im lucky obviously in the fact that i am a manga reader so its not like i only watch the anime and am hugely spoiled#but its still fucking annoying#and also just such a huge shift from how leaks used to be treated?#like im not dumb leaks have been around for sooo long and thats fine whatever#but even just like#two years ago i could expect all the leaks and spoilers to be tagged and passed around in such a way that i could avoid them#but now#god i think the assumption is just that everyone wants to see the leaks#and because no one knows how to shut up#as soon as the leaks come out EVERYONE talks about them and theres the inherent fear that youre missing something now#that your not part of the moment#but omg#maybe the way i want to discover information is when i read it when and how the author intended#which of course#bold words from a chronic pirater i am aware of the irony there#but even in those instances im not reading leaked information its all so#fkfjshfhdosos#anyway#the consensus is learn how to use the tagging system and also maybe learn how to be quiet
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