#its basically how i go about my poetry so
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Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship
#saw carnation lily lily rose by john singer seargent irl today. it was basically at my doorstep all along idk why i never went to see it#it was placed at a corner in the gallery. me and my friend sat down and sketched the paintings of beautiful naked people quite badly. paper#provided by tate britain. she told me about how she couldnt look her boyfriend in the face after a harrowing film about war. when i say the#interview was informal i mean the person who was supposed to be my boss told me let me get you a cider and then he said after#50 years of life he knows people are inherently good and it only takes a little bit of kindness to save this world. he said he tricked#his wife into keeping the baby and then he said he quit his job at a US bank to help people find meaning and in it#he would have liked to find meaning. instead he started climbing with his friends. he said he chews his cigarettes because its a habit from#when he had to hide things from people. the entire time i felt uncomfortable and incredibly enlightened. this is my friends mentor. she has#his pattern of pauses and expletive and penchant for ends-justify-means attitude. i do think im not very clever#but maybe one day i will love you enough to make up for it. i wrote code i dont understand staring at the final error i thought about how#we both thought of how when we're too old to remember the voices of our friends we would like to stand in the pathway of the LHC beam pipe#cut it open and eat light in the freezing cold vacuum (kills you long before radiation will) the invisible puncture wound unfolding dna#back to the start larger than you ever were. you go to heaven once youve been to hell. my friend is in my bed#practicing calculations of eigenvectors by hand and she is uninterested in a visual proof you are uninterested in incompetence#we catch a train this is your kind of burden you tragic hero wincing at that word you only do this because you have to. im the only one#who can. i am a coward in this for the fucking poetry. the visual proofs. the pretty numbers. an architect who was horrible at maths wanted#to be a philosopher and accidentally ended up neck in deep in 70th Error On Visual Studio Code i want to kiss your eyes before we say#goodbye we both know there is no love in the way there should be. I still have your dress in my wardrobe. i hope you make art.#you think im alright head-wise i think you fucking hate me i think ill never be so clever you want me to tell you my idea?#if you wanted more of this world i would have liked to kiss you harder. we cant both be like this. im sorry i cant be with you the whole wa#the love is gone if you have to ask it. his breath catches his eyes feel stiff it is -1.9 kelvin he is near the beam pipe i miss holding#his hand i miss her singing voice i miss his hair and i found the antonym of pain thank you for carrying me home.
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patience being tested. being forced by a bizarre unfortunate situation to adhere to university requirement technicality by taking this simple basic elementary "introduction to environmental history" class.
this class is from facilitators/program which do, like, "history of the American frontier" or "history of fishing and hunting" and still basically subscribe to that old-school twentieth-century idealization and celebration of characters like Teddy Roosevelt and reverence for a mythical arc-of-history-bent-towards-justice narrative of the often-clumsy but ultimately-benevolent US federal government and its mission to "save nature" through the miracle of "sustained yield," while heroic federal land management agencies and "heritage" institutions lead to way, staffed by exceptional individuals (appeals to nostalgia for the frontier and an imagined landscape of the American West; ego-stroking appeals to flattering self-image that center the environmentalist or academic). where they invoke, y'know, ideas like "ecology is important because don't you enjoy cross-country skiing in The Woods with your niece and nephew? don't you like hunting and fishing?" which makes it feel like a time capsule of appeals and discourses from the 1970s. and it invokes concept of "untouched wilderness" (while eliding scale of historical Indigenous environmental relationships and current ongoing colonial violence/extractivism). but just ever-so-slightly updated with a little bit of chic twenty-first-century flair like a superficial land acknowledgement or a reference to "labor histories" or "history from below," which is extra aggravating when the old ideologies/institutions are still in power but they're muddying the water and diluting the language/frameworks (it's been strange, watching words like "multispecies" and "Anthropocene" over the years slowly but surely show-up on the posters, fliers, course descriptions, by now even appearing adjacent to the agri-business and resource extraction feeder programs, like a recuperation or appropriation.) even from a humanities angle, it's still, they're talking at me like "You probably didn't know this, but environmental history is actually pretty entangled with political and social events. In fact, we can synthesize sources and glean environmental info from wacky places like workers' rolls in factories, ship's logs, and poetry from the era." and i'm nodding like YEP.
the first homework assignment is respond to this: "Define and describe 'the Anthropocene'. Do you think 'the Anthropocene' is a useful concept? Why or why not?" Respond in 300 words.
so for fun, right now in class, going to see how fast i can pull up discussion of Anthropocene-as-concept solely from my old posts on this microblogging site.
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ok, found some
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I think that the danger in any universal narrative or epoch or principle is exactly that it can itself become a colonizing force. [...] I’m suspicious of the Anthropocene as concept for the very reason that it subsumes so many peoples, nations, histories, geographies, political orders. For that reason, I think ideas like the Anthropocene can be a useful short-hand for a cluster of tangible things going on with the Earth at the moment, but we have to be very careful about how fluid and dynamic ideas become concretized into hegemonic principles in the hands of researchers, policymakers, and politicians. There’s so much diversity in histories and experiences and environmental realities even between relatively linked geographies here in Canada [...]. Imagine what happens when we try to do that on a global scale - and a lot of euro-western Anthropocene, climate change and resilience research risks doing that - eliding local specificities and appropriating knowledge to serve a broader euro-western narrative without attending to the inherent colonial and imperial realities of science and policy processes, or even attending to the ways that colonial capitalist expansion has created these environmental crises to begin with. While we, as a collective humanity, are struggling with the realities of the Anthropocene, it is dangerous to erase the specific histories, power-relations, political orders that created the crisis to begin with. So, I’m glad that a robust critique of the Anthropocene as a concept is emerging.
Text by: Words of Zoe Todd, as interviewed and transcribed by Caroline Picard. “The Future is Elastic (But it Depends): An Interview with Zoe Todd.” 23 August 2016.
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The Great Acceleration is the latest in a series of human-driven planetary changes that constitute what a rising chorus of scientists, social scientists, and humanists have labeled the Anthropocene - a new Age of Humans. [...] But what the Anthropocene label masks, and what the litany of graphs documenting the Great Acceleration hide, is a history of racial oppression and violence, along with wealth inequality, that has built and sustained engines of economic growth and consumption over the last four centuries. [...] The plantation, Sidney Mintz long ago observed, was a “synthesis of field and factory,” an agro-industrial system of enterprise [...]. Plantation legacies, along with accompanying strategies of survival and resistance, dwell in the racialized geographies of the United States’ and Brazil’s prison systems. They surface in the inequitable toxic burdens experienced by impoverished communities of color in places like Cancer Alley, an industrial corridor of petrochemical plants running along the Mississippi River from New Orleans to Baton Rouge, where cotton was once king. And they appear in patterns of foreign direct investment and debt servitude that structure many land deals in the Caribbean, Brazil, and sub-Saharan Africa [...]. [C]limatologists and global change scientists from the University of London, propose instead 1610 as a date for the golden spike of the Anthropocene. The date marked a detectable global dip in carbon dioxide concentrations, precipitated, they argue, by the death of nearly 50 million indigenous human inhabitants [...]. The degradation of soils in the tobacco and cotton-growing regions in the American South, or in the sugarcane growing fields of many Caribbean islands, for example, was a consequence of an economic and social system that inflicted violence upon the land and the people enslaved to work it. Such violent histories are not so readily evident in genealogies that date the Anthropocene’s emergence to the Neolithic Revolution 12,000 years ago, the onset of Europe’s industrial revolution circa 1800, or the Trinity nuclear test of 1945. Sugarcane plantations were already prevalent throughout the Mediterranean basin during the late middle ages. But it was during the early modern era, and specifically in the Caribbean, where the intersection of emerging proto-capitalist economic models based on migratory forced labor (first indentured servitude, and later slavery), intensive land usage, globalized commerce, and colonial regimes sustained on the basis of relentless racialized violence, gave rise to the transformative models of plantations that reshaped the lives and livelihoods of human and non-human beings on a planetary scale. [...] We might, following the lead of science studies scholar Donna Haraway and anthropologist Anna Tsing, more aptly designate this era the Plantationocene. [...] It is also an invitation to see, in the words of geographer Laura Pulido, “the Anthropocene as a racial process,” one that has and will continue to produce “racially uneven vulnerability and death." [...] And how have such material transformations sustained global flows of knowledge and capital that continue to reproduce the plantation in enduring ways?
Text by: Sophie Sapp Moore, Monique Allewaert, Pablo F. Gomez, and Gregg Mitman. "Plantation Legacies." Edge Effects. 22 January 2019. Updated 15 May 2021. [Bold emphasis added by me.]
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Geologists and other scientists will fight over [the definition of the beginning start-date of the Anthropocene] in scientific language, seeking traces of carbon dioxide that index the worst offenses of European empire which rent and violated the flesh, bodies, and governance structures of Indigenous and other sovereign peoples in the name of gold, lumber, trade, land, and power. [...] The stories we tell about the origins of the Anthropocene implicate how we understand the relations we have with our surrounds. In other words, the naming of the Anthropocene epoch and its start date have implications not just for how we understand the world, but this understanding will have material consequences, consequences that affect body and land.
Text by: Heather Davis and Zoe Todd. On the Importance of a Date, or Decolonizing the Anthropocene. ACME An International Journal for Critical Geographies. December 2017. [Bold emphasis added by me.]
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From Aime and Suzanne Cesaire, C. L. R. James, Claudia Jones, Eduoard Glissant, through Sylvia Wynter, Christina Sharpe, and so many others, critical anticolonial and race theory has been written from the specific histories that marked the Black Atlantic. [...] Glissant also reminds us, secondly, of how cunning the absorptive powers of [...] liberal capitalism are - how quickly specific relations are remade as relations-erasing universal abstractions. [...] This absorptive, relations-erasing universalism is especially apparent in some contemporary discourses of […] liberalism and climate collapse - what some call the Anthropocene - especially those that anchor the crisis in a general Human calamity which, as Sylvia Wynter has noted, is merely the name of an overdetermined and specific [White] European man. […] [T]he condition of creating this new common European world was the destruction of a multitude of existing black and brown worlds. The tsunami of colonialism was not seen as affecting humanity, but [...] these specific people. They were specific - what happened to them may have been necessary, regrettable, intentional, accidental - but it is always them. It is only when these ancestral histories became present for some, for those who had long benefitted from the dispossession [...], that suddenly the problem is all of us, as human catastrophe.
Text by: Elizabeth Povinelli. “The Ancestral Present of Oceanic Illusions: Connected and Differentiated in Late Toxic Liberalism.” e-flux Journal Issue #112. October 2020.
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The narrative arc [of White "liberal humanism"] [...] is often told as a kind of European coming-of-age story. […] The Anthropocene discourse follows the same coming-of-age [...] script, searching for a material origin story that would explain the newly identified trajectory of the Anthropos […]. Sylvia Wynter, W.E.B. DuBois, and Achille Mbembe all showed how that genealogy of [White subjecthood] was [...] articulated through sixteenth- through nineteenth-century [historiographies and discourses] in the context of colonialism, [...] as well as forming the material praxis of their rearrangement (through mining, ecological rearrangements and extractions, and forms of geologic displacements such as plantations, dams, fertilizers, crops, and introduction of “alien” animals). […] As Wynter (2000) commented, “The degradation of concrete humans, that was/is the price of empire, of the kind of [Eurocentric epistemology] that underlies it” (154).
Text by: Kathryn Yusoff. “The Inhumanities.” Annals of the American Association of Geographers, Volume 11, Issue 3. November 2020.
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As Yarimar Bonilla suggests in regard to post-Irma-and-Maria Puerto Rico, “vulnerability is not simply a product of natural conditions; it is a political state and a colonial condition.” Many in the Caribbean therefore speak about the coloniality of disaster, and the unnaturalness of these “natural” disasters [...]. Others describe this temporality by shifting [...] toward an idea of the Plantationocene [...]. As Moore and her colleagues write, “Plantation worlds, both past and present, offer a powerful reminder that environmental problems cannot be decoupled from histories of colonialism, capitalism, and racism that have made some human beings more vulnerable [...].” [W]e see that contemporary uneven socioecologies associated with the rise of the industrial world ["the Anthropocene"] are based [...] also on the racialized denial and foreshortening of life for the sacrificial majority of black, brown, and Indigenous people and their relegation to the “sacrifice zones” of extractive industry. [...] [A]ny appropriate response to the contemporary climate emergency must first appreciate its foundations in the past history of the violent, coercive, transatlantic system of plantation slavery; in the present global uneven development, antiblackness, and border regimes that shape human vulnerability [...] that continues to influence who has access to resources, safety, and preferable ecologies [...] and who will be relegated to the “plantation archipelagoes” (as Sylvia Wynter called them) [...].
Text by: Mimi Sheller. “Thinking Beyond Coloniality: Toward Radical Caribbean Futures.” Small Axe (2021), 25 (2 (65)), pages 169-170. Published 1 July 2021. [Bold emphasis added by me.]
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Indigenous genocide and removal from land and enslavement are prerequisites for power becoming operationalized in premodernity [...]; it was/is a means to operationalize extraction (therefore race should be considered as foundational rather than as periphery to the production of those structures and of global space). [...] Wynter suggests that we […] consider 1452 as the beginning of the New World, as African slaves are put to work on the first plantations on the Portuguese island of Madeira, initiating the “sugar-slave” complex - a massive replantation of ecologies and forced relocation of people […]. Wynter argues that the invention of the figure of Man in 1492 as the Portuguese [and Spanish] travel to the Americas instigates at the same time “a refiguring of humanness” in the idea of race. [...] The natal moment of the 1800 Industrial Revolution, […] [apparently] locates Anthropocene origination in […] the "new" metabolisms of technology and matter enabled by the combination of fossil fuels, new engines, and the world as market. […] The racialization of epistemologies of life and nonlife is important to note here […]. While [this industrialization in the nineteenth century] […] undoubtedly transformed the atmosphere with […] coal, the creation of another kind of weather had already established its salient forms in the mine and on the plantation. Paying attention to the prehistory of capital and its bodily labor, both within coal cultures and on plantations that literally put “sugar in the bowl” (as Nina Simone sings) […]. The new modes of material accumulation and production in the Industrial Revolution are relational to and dependent on their preproductive forms in slavery […]. In 1833, Parliament finally abolished slavery in the British Caribbean, and the taxpayer payout of £20 million in “compensation” [paid by the government to slave owners for their lost "property"] built the material, geophysical (railways, mines, factories), and imperial infrastructures of Britain and its colonial enterprises and empire. [...] A significant proportion of funds were invested in the railway system connecting London and Birmingham (home of cotton production and […] manufacturing for plantations), Cambridge and Oxford, and Wales and the Midlands (for coal). Insurance companies flourished [...]. The slave-sugar-coal nexus both substantially enriched Britain and made it possible for it to transition into a colonial industrialized power […]. The slave trade […] fashioned the economic conditions (and institutions, such as the insurance and finance industries) for industrialization.
Text by: Kathryn Yusoff. "White Utopia/Black Inferno: Life on a Geologic Spike". e-flux Journal Issue #97. February 2019. [Bold emphasis added by me.]
#sorry for being mean#instructor makes podcasts about cowboys HELP ME#and he recently won a New Business award for his startup magazine covering Democrat party politics in local area HELP#so hes constantly performing this like dance between new hip beerfest winebar coolness and oldfashioned masculinity#but hes in charge of the certificate program so i have to just shut up and keep my head down for approximately one year#his email address is almost identical to mine and invokes enviro history terms but i made mine long before when i was ten years old#so i could log in to fieldherpforum dot com to talk about enviro history of distribution range changes in local reptiles and amphibians#sir if you read my blog then i apologize ive had a long year#and i cant do anything to escape i am disabled i am constantly sick im working fulltime i have NO family i have NO resources#i took all of this schools graduate level enviro history courses and seminars years ago and ran the geography and enviro hist club#but then left in final semester because sudden hospitalization and crippled and disabled which led to homelessness#which means that as far as any profession or school is concerned im nobody im a retail employee#i was doing conference paper revisions while sleeping on concrete vomiting walking around on my cane to find outdoor wifi#and im not kidding the MONTH i got back into a house and was like ok going back to finish the semester the school had#put my whole degree program and department in moratorium from lack of funding#and so required starting some stuff from scratch and now feel like a hostage with debt or worsening health that could pounce any moment#to even get back in current program i was working sixteen hours a day to pay old library fines and had to delicately back out of workplace#where manager was straight up violently physically abusive to her vulnerable employees and threatened retaliation#like an emotional torturer the likes of which i thought existed only in cartoons#and the week i filed for student aid a massive storm had knocked out electricity for days and i was clearing fallen tree debris#and then sitting in the dark in my room between job shifts no music no phone no food with my fingers crossed and i consider it a miracle#sorry dont mean to dramatize or draw attention to myself#so actually im happy you and i are alive
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Hey girly!!!
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTYFDakF3/
I saw this cute tiktok post and thought that it could possibly work for Selectively mute reader x Simon (and Soap).
Maybe Simon surprises her with these magnets on the fridge on day and he leaves her a note/poem. And it transforms into this big thing that they do for each other.
When he’s deployed the fridge is filled with them and he sits and reads them and writes them in a little book he has so he can always have them with him.
To be forreal I don’t have a tiktok so I can’t view the whole video but this idea is so cute!! And I am so touched that you saw a video and thought of my silly posts 😭
I do think their fridge is fucking covered in so many things. Lot of saved takeout menus and tv guides and stuff. And you know these two quiet bitches are in a note writing household!!! They are a post-it family!! A memo pad relationship!!
And while Simon isn’t normally overly sentimental with physical things (he has much more attachment to ritual and routine), he never throws out any of those fuckin notes man. Not ever. Like some of them are so banal. “Low on oat milk” n shit. I imagine that she writes in cursive, and so he traces the words as a grounding technique. Keeps a note folded up in his wallet all the time, replaces it when the paper starts basically disintegrating from how much his thumb has rubbed over it.
And the rest of the 141 thinks it’s kinda fuckin funny. Ghost, who has made a reputation out of being silent, forming no attachments, and they go to his place and it’s like “Ye got a fridge under all this shite, LT?” Because it’s almost comical how many things are on it.
And you know a neurodivergent king and queen love the patented sitting on the floor doing a repetitive activity!!! So they use those word magnets together, sometimes it’s poetry, other times it’s stupid jokes, sometimes it’s about as dirty as they can manage with the words that came in the set (which is funny to them in its own right).
I think he does write them down, but he also takes some instant photos of them sometimes. How she arranged the words is just as important to him as the words she ended up picking. He likes noting that sometimes the magnets are aligned perfectly and pressed edge to edge, other times it looks more haphazard. It’s just more undeniable proof that someone out there is thinking of him, that he exists as an idea outside of his own mind, and that’s very special to him.
#writing#cod fanfic#simon riley x you#simon ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley#neurodivergent reader
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Holocaust survivor Theodor Adorno never said that it's impossible to write poetry after Auschwitz, but he's often misquoted as if he did. I think it's because those of us who care about the Shoah, struggle with the idea of poetry after Auschwitz. The symbol of culture vs the epitome of violent cruel barbarism. Both connected to a nation considered highly civilized. The art dedicated to describing vs an absolute hell that is indescribable.
For me, the poetry that was written about the Holocaust is at its most authentic expression when the sentences break down, like in Dan Pagis' poem Written with a Pencil in the Sealed Train Car, whose one sentence never ends. Most of all, I feel it when I read Paul Celan's poem Death Fugue, where the sentences run on, and into, and away from each other. In such poems, the meaning is what survives the breaking down of this rather basic verbal structure.
It's October 7th again, which is weird because it marks an entire year of it being October 7th for Israelis and Jews.
On that October 7th, I wrote, I wrote facts because I had no words to describe all the things I was thinking and feeling, running on, and into, and away from each other inside me. A year later, I have even less words. And my sentences don't break down, to reflect what broke down for me, as I observed too many horrors perpetrated by terrorists, and too many out there celebrating the brutal rape, abuse and massacre of my people, and justifying it, and victim blaming civilian men, women, children and Holocaust survivors, and peddling antisemitic libels like their lives depended on how dehumanizing they can be to the Jews and the civilians of the Jewish state. My sentences don't break down, but a part of my heart and soul is forever broken.
And now, on top of everything else, the antisemitic mob is also appropriating October 7th, the day when we were massacred, making it all about another group. Despite the fact that the only Palestinians killed on Oct 7, 2023 were terrorists and not-innocent civilians who invaded Israel in order to loot, rape, maim, burn, torture and kill. Many Palestinians and antisemites were celebrating and spewing hate and falsely accusing the Jewish state of genocide on Oct 7, 2023 already (and for years before that. Their destruction of what that word means started way before Hamas' massacre). And on Oct 7, 2024 they won't even let us quietly break down, and run out of words, and try to find what meaning survives these atrocities and continued antisemitic global abuse, and remember our victims, the people butchered in the biggest massacre of Jews since the Holocaust, and those who died trying to defend us from that in this war which we did not start, and the victims targeted or raped or murdered in the many anti-Israel, antisemitic terrorist attacks and hate crimes that took place over the last year.
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That's before we get into how on Oct 7, 2023 Jews were targeted and victimized, and for some reason, that translated into the horrific reality that on Oct 7, 2024 Jews are being warned to be careful, because we're going to be targeted today, too.
And I want to say something. I want to say so many somethings. With all the feelings and thoughts inside me. With the generational trauma that's had to witness 'Never Again' appropriated and weaponized against the people who first gave birth to this phrase out of the depths of the indescribable hell they survived.
But I just don't have enough - because there are not enough - words.
(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)
#israel#israeli#israel news#israel under attack#israel under fire#israelunderattack#terrorism#anti terrorism#antisemitism#hamas#antisemitic#antisemites#jews#jew#judaism#jumblr#frumblr#jewish
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hey Olivia talk about Jason and love letters pls
i can never say no to you, not like i'd say no to rambling about jason lmao!! link here to what inspired this <3
swing by my askbox 🧸ྀི
basically, i think believe that jason would be not only the best at writing love letters but also the most genuine about it. to him, they come from a place of utter devotion. in my hc, i think he'd just really struggle with getting his words out. he hates the way they sound, that they never fully convey what he means, that he stops himself more than he allows himself to speak, and mostly, he cannot handle the pressure of a time constraint. even if someone were to give him all the time in the world to open up, his chest would still get tight and his throat would feel scratchy and raw. jason todd is a victim of analysis paralysis there i said it.
no—he NEEDS another outlet, another form of communication. so he writes. he always loved reading, annotating in the margins—now he does it to his own words. At first, he doesn't even count what he writes as love letters. he's not waxing poetry, he's just explaining his fucked up perspective because you deserve to know. you deserve to be privy to whatever's going on in his head. he fails (for a while) to understand that is love, the very crux of it. the devotion to spend his free time explaining what his mouth refuses to say is love in its purest form.
his words are sweet too, no matter what he's writing. he knows his audience, you. his letters always start the same, with the salutation of 'sweetheart' and an "i love you." sometimes, all that's written is a long run-on about how he feels, how overwhelmed he is. other times, it's reminders of how much you mean to him, how happy you make him. and of course, quotes.
i am a firm believer that jason todd quotes his favorite books (modern and classic) so you better assume he's throwing in quotes that remind him of you. things like "what does money matter? love is more than money." from dorian grey after you had confessed to feeling bad about him spending money on you, or "If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more." from emma after an argument rooted in his apprehension for sharing, and "I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thy eyes." makes a common appearance. you're unsure as to why he quotes shakespeare so much, especially that line—but he's not. he knows it's the truest cohesion of words he could possibly find to explain to you just how crucial you are to him. detrimental even.
but it's not always super intense—a lot of the times it's simple letters. letters hung up on the fridge, on the dryer, in your car, even scattered little love notes in your purse/wallet. things like, "washed your clothes. you really need new leggings, i put money on the counter." / "changed your oil. remind me again in six months. i love you." / "missed you this morning. i'm coming home with dinner, your favorite. i love you."
where other men fail to find a form of communication that works for them, jason todd exceeds. besides, he's seen death once and he's not meeting it again without you knowing just how much he absolutely adores you. if he can't be here forever to give you the love he's practically overflowing with, at least the letters can outlive him. he'd like to be remembered that way—just by his saccharine sentiments for you
🖇️ masterlist | askbox | recent works
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I swear, I’m minutes away from pulling out a giant bulletin board and covering it in pieces of string that connect Rafael to every single event in the game. I feel like a crazy person, but I know that he basically spiderwebbed most of the plot together.

Goddamn it, anon (said lovingly). Now I feel like making my own too. Because I swear, he pops up all over the place, even just for stuff that’s not even plot relevant.
Spot the Devil: Raphael's Involvement in the plot
I’ll start out with letters and books I’ve found that made me go “hmmmm”.
Letter in the Harpy Nest (Maybe)
When you’ve saved Mirkon he mentions something about a nest nearby. If you get to it there is a ring, a journal, and a letter. The letter is what made me go “hmm”. You can read the full thing here. Basically, a guy named Edmund tells wife/girlfriend that she doesn’t have to worry about someone named Maggie Two-Fingers anymore, because he has settled a debt. To pay off said debt, he makes a deal with a cambion and becomes a warlock:
”[…] I took the deal the cambion offered. I'm not going to say I had no choice, because that would be a lie. But I don't regret it. I'm a new man. I feel strong for the first time in my life. Aside from being awoken in the middle of the night by the smell of sulphur (he likes to drop by to 'see how everything is going') I have no complaints […]”
Now, there was a journal too, but I don’t believe the two things were related, even though the journal talks about a devil too. From what I can see, the journal is an easter egg for a campaign called ‘Tomb of Annihilation’. Besides, Edmund is going to Icewind Dale and the campaign takes place in Chult.
It just makes sense to me if its Raphael. We know he hangs out near the grove because we get jumpscared by him before going to this area. It could be our boy and with how much he pops up constantly it wouldn’t surprise me.
A Pleasurable Deal (Maybe)
You can pry this theory from my cold dead hands: Raphael was involved in making this play. It stinks of him.
So, A Pleasurable Deal is an erotic play. The plot isn’t completely written out, but a cambion, who is named Carlisle in the play, is involved.
“Carlisle: Weep not, young man, though free your wife has fled,
And comfort found in comrade's arms and bed.
She licks her lips and cries his name, oh my!
And now you seek to be the apple of her eye?”
Carlisle basically helps a man named Robert get a bigger dick, or…something along those lines. The ”apple of her eye” line is just so Raphael. The whole thing is, to be honest. In the A Pleasurable Deal: The Shocking Truth, it’s revealed that the author sold her soul to make it:
“Interviewer: So .. what was your deal?
Harp: I beg your pardon?
Interviewer: In fact, this was your directorial debut, wasn't it? You couldn't even get published in the tabloid 'Baldur's Bash' before this play came out. Did you honestly trade your soul for an erotic play?
Harp: I- all right, we're done here.”
I mean, come on. This is so him. It’s right up his alley.
Devil Don’t Rhyme
This is a book you can find in the Devil’s Den. Devil Don’t Rhyme is definitely about him:
“[This is a heroic fantasy in verse form, told in the first person by a bold poet who challenges a devil (clearly modelled on Raphael) to an improvised poetry contest to win back the soul of his lover. The following couplet has been circled in red ink.]
'If the line doesn’t scan,' the devil sneers, 'you forfeit your soul and end in tears.' / 'Ha! I’ll keep my time and make my rhyme, with vim and snap and no "down came the claw" crap.'”
Which is just so fucking funny to me. He has been seething and underlining the parts that prove it’s about him.
Alright, onto actual events: Netheril
Raphael was there when Netheril fell. He told us in the Devil’s Den. He has been searching for the Crown of Karsus ever since. He saw the entirety of Karsus’s fuck-up, but didn’t manage to snatch up the Crown of Karsus itself. We do know, however, that he has other Netherese artifacts (the Archivist says so). The Regalia of Karsus were three objects and Raphael has at least one, meaning that if Raph gets the crown, he has a much bigger chance at actually controlling it and using it like it's supposed to be used. This might also be why Mephistopheles hasn't used it: he doesn't have the other artifacts to properly harness its powers.
There are also theories that he has been skulking about and trying to find it after. There’s a really well written theory by @firlionemoontav that connects him to Lenore from the Arcane Tower in the Underdark. He has left no stone unturned.
Orpheus and Vlaakith
I learned about this from an amazing theory post made by @certifieddilfenjoyer
When you go to the Astral Plane, near Orpheus, there is this Githyanki slate that you can find. It depicts Vlaakith making a deal with a Devil, “his face twisted with wry charm”, for the Astral prism. Yeah, Orpheus’ imprisonment? Raphael helped with that. He even taunts Orpheus while he waits for us to approach him and says something about him looking good in chains or something along those lines (kinky old man yaoi).
And honestly, it makes perfect sense as to why he has the hammer then. The hammer has multiple purposes, but in About Creation of the Orphic Hammer he mentions it as “insurance policy”:
“The Hammer is not a weapon, it is an insurance policy. Its function is specific, but its utility is boundless. No chains forged by infernal hand can withstand its power, for its core is a metalifferous compound combining the purest of essence of all Nine hells. If I should ever need to liberate the prisoners held in the Iron City of Dis, to shatter the vaults of Nargus, or even to free the child of Gith, my hammer will be equal to the task.”
Makes good sense because what he has done with the Astral Prism is a pretty big deal and hard to undo otherwise.
Moonrise Towers, the Gauntlet of Shar and Astarion
So, Raphael makes a deal with the architect of Moonrise Towers, who you also see wandering around the House of Hope. The architect gives up his soul in exchange for Raphael ending Ketheric’s army.
To do that, he sends Yurgir who is tasked with killing every last justiciar. Raphael then makes a deal with one of the justiciars who he then turns into a bunch of rats so that Yurgir can’t fulfill his contract.
We then help Yurgir or kill him, and Raphael helps us with Astarion’s scars. (This is just me theorizing from here) I find it kind of interesting that Raphael seems to know so much about Astarion. You get the feeling that he has obviously done his research on all of the companions, but with Astarion he makes that nasty “you’ve kept your clothes on this entire time? How unlike you” comment. Astarion would be such an easy target to go after, which makes me believe that Raph definitely knew beforehand about Astarion AND Mephistopheles’ deal with Cazador, but he hasn’t been able to pettily do something about it before the things that happen in BG3. But he has kept an eye on it. He can’t be seen defying his father like that directly, after all. I just find it hard to believe that Raph wouldn't jump at the business opportunity of 7000 desperate vampires hiding in Baldur's Gate. Like he definitely knows.
Gortash
Raphael bought Gortash from his parents when he was a kid, and Gortash eventually got out. It’s quite possible that Gortash only knew about the Crown of Karsus because of Raphael. He even went through Raphael’s house to steal the crown (and probably took a portal from there to Cania).
Might also be the only reason that he would ever make a deal with Zariel. He knows the Hells and how they work. In a way its even more of a “fuck you” that he goes to Zariel because she is far above Raphael as she is the Archdevil of Avernus (and thus she is sort of Raph’s boss). We also don't know what Gortash gets in return for handing Karlach to Zariel. It's speculated that it has something to do with the construction of the Steel Watch, but it wouldn't surprise me if peace from Raphael was a part of it too.
A world without Raphael
So, basically: had Raphael not been there, Orpheus would be free and a whole people would have had very different lives under someone else than the Vlaakiths, because Orpheus would have rebelled and told everyone what she did to Gith (his mother). We wouldn’t have had the Astral Prism to protect us, but on the other hand, we might not even have had the whole tadpole business to deal with anyway if Gortash didn’t know where the Crown of Karsus was. The whole thing could literally have been avoided.
(Thank you for the ask <3)
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doodled human designs for a few neutral aus! (pt.1)
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(click for better quality)
can you tell i lost motivation... thank you to chandr for doing the last 3's lineart for me. legit couldn't get freshs colours to fit with the rest. eugh. its the best you're going to get out of us for these guys.
Nightmares gang, star sanses, neu au pt.2, extras
COLOUR, CLASSIC, PAPYRUS, EPIC and ANY REQUESTS will be in the next neu au post 3_^ so please please request me to draw neutral peoples... gonna open general requests in a separate post.
some hcs under the cut!
warning for alot... i mean.. alot of text..
> Ccino (he/they)
indian... ccino... mbghbgb. MAINLY BECAUSE I WAS EATING GULAB JAMUNS AND I WAS LIKE "huh this reminds me of ccino."
trans masc! you should be more surprised if someone wasn't trans at this point
just for individuality, i feel like he'd have cat features. toe beans, tail, but no ears. personal preference.
hopeless romantic. wants to fall in love so bad, like so bad. but doesn't have anyone to fall in love with.
his AU is a neutral where the player killed all bosses. because of this, ink had offered them a pocket AU with just their cafè. ccino still visits their old au from time to time, but otherwise lives in the cafè.
one of the youngest AU's/sanses, only a few hundred years old
> error (he/they/xe)
spanish + colombian
as a divergence from classic, he maintains a similar body shape. also the fact he eats nothing but chocolate.
^ similarly, his eye is covered by a star glitch. xe never equates this to the fact they were geno, and just see it as some weird cool glitch.
rocks an alliance with both NM and dream, so wears both the stars pin and gangs patch. he always choses the side of who benefits him the most in that moment. neither of the groups are happy about it, but see error as too valuable to deny.
has arthritis and bad joints. his strings usually dig into his fingers, causing scaring and pain. (bsp related: he gets taught how to relieve these pains by nms gang because they all have chronic pains of some kind)
taking strings from his eyes is PAINFUL. its basically his unraveled code and magic combined, glitching and stuttering.
illiterate. he cannot read anything but code.
brother of ink. annoying brothers that HATE eachother. but love eachother at the same time.
> cross (they/he)
spanish. it fits him. and its relatively canon.
cross is indecisive. they've jumped between nightmares gang and the stars several times, easily being swayed. as of my AU right now, they're with the stars.
they're colourblind! their AU was monochrome, and thats how they see everything. everything is just a shade of purple. he's never told people about it, but most people catch onto ir.
autism. cross has horrible sensory issues, and gets overwhelmed easily. also bad at social queues.
THIS MAN IS THE DEFINITION OF DOG POETRY. they would go on pinterest daily and cry about it.
is a great artist. ink taught him the basics when they were stuck in the void, so they built on it. they're really self conscious about it, and keep their sketchbook locked away tightly. (in their bedside drawer)
> reaper (he/him)
egytpian. i feel like he'd embody their idea of dying.
bird claws. bird wings. everything bird.
seen as a parental figure to dream and nightmare because of his extensive knowledge of the universe and balance n all that.
(THE GAY FLAG WAS A MISTAKE) he's bi. and loves his wife. (life)
aroace spec! completely ace, and demiromantic.
sorry guys i dont have the best hcs for him 💔
> geno (he/they)
spanish + colombian
needs a portable oxygen tube to breath. he can live without it, but its really painful to not have it.
some parts of his body are decomposed, while others are held together through determination. practically constant agony.
same reasoning as error for body shape.
> fresh (they/it)
parasite. its ass doesn't have a race nor nationality.
not the hotest with a few sanses. dream and nightmare don't like someone demeanour not being affected in the slightest by the amount of pain and agony they're in. error hates how the code overlaps and glitches. and overall they're just a bit crazy.
wears either heelies or rollerskates. refuses to EVER walk anywhere, and always rolls.
i don't got much for him.
eugh. i am so sorry if the hcs are lazy, i am not good hcing with aus im not familiar with. if anyone wants to input please do! i'd love to learn about them. <3 anyways i am sleeping because i need to stop staying up till 4am..
#so sorry for the laziness#i am so sick rn#hate how this turned out but posting it anways#reblogs are appreciated <3#and likes#art#doodles#my art#meow#humanisation#ccino sans#fluffytale#error sans#errortale#cross sans#xtale#reaper sans#reapertale#geno sans#aftertale#fresh sans#refs#headcanons#nullrambles#nightedition#🌕
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broken ankles and middle names
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pairing: theodore nott x fem!reader summary: after a silly accident involving the hogwarts' infuriating moving stairs, you're found by a certain quiet boy (whom you not-so-secretly adore). warnings: no good exposition whatsoever, language mistakes, chaotic+flirty reader i want to be her!!! notes: this is part of a bigger story that i will probably never finish writing, let alone publish, so if it seems completely out of context, that's why. this is also the first thing on this tumblr blog and the first written thing i'm ever showing to tumblr besides poetry!!🤭 i hope you like it 🤍 let me know
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“what on earth happened to you?”
the situation is silly and absurd, so you laugh, despite the sharp pain that almost makes your eyes water. theo is kneeling beside you with a confused expression on his face, looking from your swollen ankle to your face.
“can you help me to the hospital wing? i can’t walk.”
all you have to do is look at him and he carefully picks you up from the cold floor. you put your arms around his neck for support. “i was walking up the stairs. and then the stairs moved. and then i fell. you know, i’m glad you’re here, there’s not a single soul on the corridors at this time of day, i was just going to get some books, i have free period–”
“you should watch where you’re walking.” his voice sounds like honey and if you weren’t basically laying in his arms right now, your knees would definitely go weak. but you act unbothered. “maybe i should’ve. but then you wouldn’t carry me. maybe this is a win after all.”
“you’re infuriating.” the small smile that cracks on his face doesn’t go unnoticed, especially when you can see his lips from up close.
“infuriating is my middle name.” there’s a lot of things you can see from up close. his eyelashes are long and he has more freckles than you thought. you like how the ends of his hair twist and fall on his forehead.
“annoying.”
“middle name.”
“stop with the middle names.”
after no more than a minute of silence you speak up again. “you’re so quiet.”
“you think so?” a normal person who doesn’t talk to theodore on the daily basis, probably wouldn’t be able to tell if he’s being sarcastic or not. but you are not a normal person. you pay way too much attention.
you come up with a response and giggle before you even get the chance to say it. “you could say that quiet is your middle nam–”
“if i dropped you right now, i bet you'd be whining like crazy.”
“there’s no need to test that.” you hold on to his neck a little tighter. “besides, you’re lucky i’m not whining right now. i’m in enormous amounts of pain.”
“i can tell. your ankle is twice its normal size.”
“you seem to know my ankles pretty well.” theo chuckles more audibly at your words and your heart flutters.
“that's my secret. i've been staring at them since fifth year.”
you gasp, pretending to be shocked. “i never knew my ankles were so desirable! now you got me worried, that fall might’ve been a threat to my beauty…”
“oh, very much so. you're lucky you had me there to carry you and take care of you in such a tragic moment.”
you never thought hogwarts' insanely big castle was exactly convenient. you’re constantly late for classes, walking takes up half of your daily life and you never know what is creeping around the corner. but now, when you’re being carried through it by the boy you like so much, maybe it’s a blessing in disguise?
“how far away is that wing?” you ask in a whiny tone just to get this attention, but in your mind and in your heart you thank merlin for the long corridors.
“don't you dare even start to complain now, after i carried you all this way.”
“i’m not complaining about you, i’m complaining about the castle. although i’m sure i could find some complaints about you…”
“oh?” he looks at you, slightly amused. “go ahead, do your worst.”
“well, for starters, you make weird comments about my ankles.”
“your ankles are my favorite thing about you.”
“that’s an insult.”
“you’re an insult.”
“MIDDLE NAME.”
he sighs and he calls you insufferable and you smile. you can expect the hospital wing right around the corner, but you wouldn’t mind staying in the pretty boy’s arms for a little longer.
#theo nott x reader#theodore nott x reader#theodore nott fluff#theodore nott#theo nott#theodore nott x fem!reader#theo nott fluff
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ASTARION NSFW ALPHABET
A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex)
hes such a dick if ur a one night stand LMAO understandably tho. understandably..... but yeah if hes not really feeling u he just kind of dips out after coming up with some wack ass rehearsed excuse to protect ur feelings. totally different story if he loves u though. i feel like he gets sooo lovey-dovey post nut OMG like soo much praise and so many kisses. post nut clarity with his S/O consists of him enjoying the many wonders of the world 😭😭 that shit will have him watching the sunset
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)
i think he likes his hands. i mean its one of the things he can see so like. but they are really nice. long and nimble fingers and smooth palms. his hands look like poetry lowkey. anyway if ur AFAB he loves titties. any titty. loves to mark them up and watch them bounce while u ride him. if ur AMAB its ur shoulder/collarbone area especially if its dainty and delicate looking but regardless he wants to bite around there. youll see him looking at them a lot
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
he wants to come on ur face or inside u. his two go-tos. if hes about to nut he'll ask u really quick which u want and u have like 3 seconds to answer LMAO. takes a while to get to that point tho so u have some time to think about it beforehand 😭😭
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
he got hard asf the first time u let him drink from u LMAOO he walked away and jerked off IMMEDIATELY
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)
hundreds of years of experience is enough for me yeah
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
oooooooooooo gurl. ugh hold on theres so many it could be. ok so theres two. 1. he likes to sit u in his lap (the back of ur head on his shoulder or maybe even sitting sideways with ur legs off the side ??? idk however yall want) and finger/jerk u off. it makes him feel sooo in control 🤤 and 2. he lovesss eye contact so any positions where he can stare into ur soul 👁️👁️ yall why am i only seeing missionary rn...... or planking i guess lol
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
i think hes pretty serious. he might even get pissed off if u start acting too goofy lol like hes playful but not going to start cracking jokes 😹😹
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
this pains me to say...... but i dont think elves get body hair if any (like canonically)....... but i think its weird to be completely bald so im going to say hes got a little bit of pubic hair, armpit hair, and of course leg/arm hair. its just not very long or thick. he basically never has to trim or anything
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
my boy is a romantic at heart yall. will kiss u a lot and hold u very close. i think its rlly important for him to have some sort of emotional connection thru sex.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
honestly dont feel like he ever does normally LMAO when u reject him or push him away during the first romance scene and he says he'll go beat off i think hes just saying that to make u feel bad 😹😭 when u let him drink from u it was probably the first time he jerked off in a longggg time. i can see him thinking hes above doing something like that lol so its an ego thing
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
ok did u guys see the little church looking building at the first campsite in act 3??? i think if yall were to smash there he'd never forget it. like something about that turns him on so much. probably bent u over the altar. even after u guys are long gone he still thinks abt it.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
suck on his fingers omg. but also really likes to use sex to put u in ur place so if u guys argue or just dont get along at some point he will use that as a build up to sex. so he will purposely push ur buttons A LOT. cuz its like, how dare u raise ur voice at him ?? 😤
N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)
if u dont go along with what he wants to do he kind of gets pissy after a while. he only ever really wants to be in control and thats it. also wont do anything extreme or ridiculous either 😭😭 anything that makes him feel humiliated is a big no
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
for AFAB like ive said before he is the self-proclaimed coochie eating champion of faerun. sooooo good at it its not funny. will also kiss it and leave more kisses/bites on ur thighs. makes u feel like ur coochie is the most divine coochie in the world LMAO omg also will want to eat u out every time ur on ur period......... i think thats like one thing he will absolutely beg for OOP
if ur AMAB its basically the same just with a dick lol
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
he can do both. probably likes to be a little rougher than most people though
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
yeah if hes in the mood i can see him scouting the area for a place to smash LMAO which probably happens pretty often. doesnt mind giving up the romantic aspect as long as yall still fuck for real every once in a while.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
i think he would need to be convinced. willing to hear u out at least
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
TOO LONG. HE LASTS WAY TOO LONG. i mean after u been suckin and fuckin for that many years how do u not take forever to nut 😭😭 u will get urs tho dont worry. also perfect situation for u to have multiple orgasms so dont get discouraged besties 🤘🏻
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
allllll the timeeeee. he wants u to need him more than anything else before he fucks u. u need to need this man like u need oxygen. like a fish needs water. like a plant needs the sun. like a
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
grunts and groans but when he gets closer to finishing he'll start moaning. he doesnt make an effort to stay quiet but also wont do anything embarrassing 😹
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
emmmmm i wanna say he can go a pretty long time without sex. but if he has a partner he is sexually attracted to his libido can be pretty high. but lets remember he is getting into his erectile dysfunction years ☝🏻 JOKINGGGG LMAO
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
well he meditates technically. but he gets into that lil meditation pose fast as fuck boy 🧘 do not interrupt him either he'll be grumpy 😭
#astarion#bg3#baldurs gate 3#baldurs gate#x reader#headcanons#astarion bg3#astarion x reader#astarion x tav#my headcanons#astarion ancunin
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for the baby genderfluid tips!!
this could just be me lmao, but DO NOT donate your fem clothes if you feel masc for longer than usual. or vice versa.
keeping a gender journal is something that can be really helpful to actually look back on and see how it changes (and also have proof of fluidity for when you begin to think "hmm actually im just a trans girl. nothing else." no, you probably aren't. you felt completely boy/nonbinary/etc just a month ago, and thats okay.)
basically it can be really hard to embrace that your gender is not static, especially if your gender stays stable for a slightly longer period. it took me so long to stop rotating between "im a girl always" "no, im a boy always" "actually, im nonbinary always" to just admit im genderfluid.
also, make genderfluid content. you don't have to show it to anyone, but sometimes it can really help to make poetry or art or write a story about being fluid and your experience in particular. i have an easy avenue for this since i write fanfiction (haven't published any of it yet lmao) and i just hit my favorite characters with my genderfluid beam and go nuts
follow people who are genderfluid, read genderfluid books, maybe join a genderfluid discord server (there are barely any, so actually maybe make one), try to make genderfluid friends. you are not alone, even though it sometimes feels that way.
if you have plushies or anything similar, make them genderfluid. i have a genderfluid squishmallow who i use she/they pronouns for, and a little husky that switches between he/she. idk it just helps sometimes lol
some of us change gender daily, or multiple times a day. some of us change gender only a couple times a year, or even less. we're all different and that's fine.
tips for presentation:
if you have a day when you can't figure out gender, go neutral clothing-wise
take little things to ease dysphoria if you switch when you're out somewhere (ex. lipgloss, eyeliner, leather bracelet, etc)
if you can, get pronoun pins. seriously, get pronoun pins (or a colored bracelet for subtlety or if you're not out). you can wear multiple at a time, you can switch them whenever you need to. you aren't a burden if your pronouns change. you don't have to stick to they/them to be easy for people.
if you can, get a versatile hairstyle that you can make suit your gender no matter what. if you cant, try to get a hairstyle that makes you the least dysphoric overall.
if you are organized enough, separate your clothes based on gender/what you feel comfy wearing on different days. do not pressure yourself to fit stereotypes. some people can only feel comfortable in skirts when theyre boys, so they only wear skirts on boy days. do what works for you.
it's kinda complicated, but if you can expand your vocal range to sound more fem or masc depending on how you feel, it can help. alternatively, vocal train to make it more androgynous.
keep makeup wipes with you in case you need to take it off part way through being out. basically, make it as easy as possible to be able to change/tweak your presentation if necessary.
this could just be me, but having lots of hoodies in different colors and styles will save your life
sometimes you might have "blender days", which is what i call it when your gender feels like its in a blender in a bad way and you can't tell at all what it is, everything feels wrong, it's changing like every 10 minutes, etc. tbh on these days all i can do is put on sweats and a hoodie and feel dysphoric. listen to music if it helps. do a hobby.
non-clothing items can help a lot. a blue tshirt and jeans can be whatever you want it to be based on what you wear it with. (ex. sneakers/ballet flats, leather bracelet/sparkly necklace, baseball cap/eyeliner)
and lastly: YOU ARE AMAZING. keep being you, keep being incredible, and know that being genderfluid is a gift. be proud to be who you are, have fun, know that you are unique and special and wonderful!! we're ever-changing, and that's awesome. you are precious. i love you.
🩷🤍💜🖤💙
dont wanna link my tumblr, but my name is kiley if you want to attach a name to this!
Okay this is a lot more than I was expecting LMAO /pos
Thank you so much for this Kiley <33 I’ll start working on a masterpost with links to all this.
#genderfluid#genderfluid culture is#genderfluid culture#lgbtq#lgbtqia#lgbtq+#anon#anonymous#Genderfluid tips#Baby genderfluid tips#Genderfluid help
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im sure everyone is familar but i just noticed this and Man...when you're romancing astarion and you've already slept w him before the tiefling party (and u have high approval i think) - you can get this line where you can basically goad him into shooting pickup lines at you. and through the different dialogue options, at one point - he'll say i love you insincerely.
you have like several ways of going about this dialogue, and my tav (this time) chose the option to say "having fun are you?" it was really... interesting... astarion in general has a really tonal way of speaking. and he has a line after you ask this of him, where he says he is and its hard not to with you. and he sounds... genuine.
when astarion is trying to get something out of you, he's always really theatrical but when he's being sincere that quality really Mellows. the pitch in his voice is higher and he speaks less smoothly. ike its hard to get the words out almost. he still has the same like delicate quality in his voice, the same airiness but its noticeably sounds more touched.
but its. interesting. that by that point (in act one before anything happens) that astarion knows really little about you other than you tend to look out for him and that you're capable. but when i consider it from astarions perspective, being with you even in (im)mortal peril and the connection you share is probably the first genuine, tangible connection with another being that he's had in his life or at least for 200 years. completely and entirely his outside of being a spawn.
its by a truthfully fucked up metric, but. he really does have fun with you. like he means that part. something about that is So devastating. because at that point, im sure astarion considers it temporary. he's manipulating you and he's trying to take advantage of you and its not real (so he tells himself over and over.)
except. sometimes it is. and sometimes you tell astarion you'll have each others backs. and sometimes you come back to camp covered in blood and you'll laugh with karlach trying to get it out of your hair and the fireplace is nice and crackling and it smells like smoke.
sometimes you'll trek through the forest and mountains and gale will say something and maybe you'll tease him. and you'll laugh. and so briefly he forgets what he's running from.
astarion will offer you his body because he's hoping you don't realize that's all he has to offer, but you're not expecting anything. there's no price to pay for laying under you except maybe his own guilt.
and even still. even with all the caveats. well its fun. maybe his standards are low, but its fun to be with you in some way. and its masked with so much of his usual poetry but maybe that is more meaningful than an i love you. you make him remember so basic, fun. genuine, silly fun.
he doesn't love you there. not yet. but maybe it is more meaningful for astarion at that stage, to simply admit that he doesn't want to be surrounded by unpleasantness forever. that there is more to getting his freedom than survival being easier. maybe he wants to have fun in ways that aren't drinking himself sick even when he can't taste the alcohol.
you're fun for him to be with..that means more than anything for him there. how do you teach someone who's suffered so much anything other than teeth-gritted, matted fur survival is unfamiliar? except trying to show them that it is fun, and good to be alive?
even if its all a sham. a mirage. well it was fun for astarion. he couldn't even forget that. you have so many of his firsts.
#zero.thoughts#bg3 x reader#d.rogues love letters#astarion x reader#SORRY I GOT THAT LINE AND FELT SO????? LIKE THATS INSANE WORK ACTUALLY#he sounds genuine ... like when i really rhink about that im sick#IT IS 8AM I HAVENT SLEPT FDKNJSKJD#sorry....GOODNIHGHT
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HAPPY HALLOWEEN: CHAPTER 33 PEOPLE, WE'VE MADE IT!!!
previously, on harrowcita del 9:
this was the last recap update
this was my recap of where I left off
this is the post about camilla's reappearance which I can't reproduce in its entirety in this post but I suggest you look at
CHAPTER 33:
harrowcita is hanging out in a nice planet that sounds very pleasant
we've been so long in the emperor's bolthole and canaan house that this feels like heaven, actually
let's build a cottage and live here forever maybe
even better, as previously established, camilla is here
there's nature, there's little bugs, there's camilla, what else do we need???
maybe gideon would be nice
camilla shows up like "hey, loser, I need you to do me a solid" and pulls out palmolive's reconstructed skull
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harrow is like ???????????????????????????
and here's where things get complicated for that 3D model I was building
harrow remembers camilla and palmolive dying the way they died in the gideon-less au
like, shot in the face repeatedly
her memory of them is the memory of the gideon-less au: not knowing them much, not remembering their faces much, seeing them shot to death by a slasher villain
and I'm like...huh????????????????????
because, as previously established (5 months ago), in the gideon-less au, dulcinea isn't not!dulcinea
she's real!dulcinea and protozoa is alive
he's reciting poetry and ortus doesn't like him coming for his gig
however, harrow does remember not!dulcinea being a threat and yandere twin has repeatedly talked about how she took off her arm and all that
so...which is it????
camilla is like "look, I don't care about your lack of memory or the fact that you're currently bleeding out of every perceivable orifice in your head, I got a job for you"
harrow is, as usual, skeptical of everything, especially of camilla being real, because 1) they're like in the orbit of the emperor's supposedly top secret bolthole, 2) camilla was supposed to be dead and 3) she's too perfect to exist
well, that last one was mine, but still
and harrowcita is dealing with this thing in which she can't trust her mind because, for all intents and purposes, she has an emotional support apparition trailing her
so harrow starts attacking camilla to try to figure out if she's real and camilla is slaying all her constructs because she's that bitch
so harrow accepts to listen and then camilla gives her palmolive's skull that's all glued back together with a lot of care, love and patience
camilla says they planned stuff in case he died (Sixth house winning points with me every single day, they came PREPARED, not like you SECOND HOUSE, YOU JUDGMENTAL ASSHATS)
in case palmolive kicked the bucket, he'd tether his soul or energy or whatever incorporeal thing that makes him himself to his remains
his remains blew to bits though
sometimes it doesn't matter how much you plan, things just blow up and explode in a million pieces
like my plans of reading this book in less time
so camilla found some palmolive scraps and put them together but if whatever bit of him he's tethered to isn't there, she has to go back and look for more bits
basically, camilla needs harrow to tell her if palmolive's force ghost is in the collected bits
harrow is both bleeding from every orifice and also very confused with everything that is happening
those are the two things she's been consistently experiencing all book long
but she's harrowcita nonagesimus and she's no quitter so in she goes to the river to see if indeed palmolive sextus has managed to cheat death, so to speak
she's expecting to have to do this
but she finds herself here
there's a nice little room with a cushion-y bed, some books, a window, a chair, etc
and there's also my reluctant bestie palmolive (I'm growing attached to him against my initial intentions)
palmolive hugs harrow and harrow is even more confused than before because affection????? care???? in this economy?????
so my reluctant bestie palmolive was able to create a sort of bubble in the shores of the metaphorical ghostly river
he created a space in the nothing, so to speak, a space in which he can remain without being pulled away from the same spot
he tethered himself in a cellular level in a spiderweb-like form to his pieces and was able to craft an unmoving reproduction of the place where he died, with what he could see at that time
that includes one romance book he's in the midst of writing fanfiction of
as one would
palmolive is also very upset at harrow taking approximately 8 months to get to him
harrow is like ?????????
palmolive goes "how did you get separated from cam?"
harrow is like ???????????????????????????
and when harrow starts with the lyctor spiel...
(is anyone impressed by that? ever? the emperor is a clown)
...palmolive says "tell me you did it correctly"
harrow tells him she slurped her cav
which we all know might not be entirely true because 1) harrow thinks ortus was his cav (brother in being blown to bits to palmolive) and 2) she's lyctor lite
but palmolive doesn't know this
he's very disappointed in god, and aren't we all
palm, my reluctant bestie, if you knew the guy you'd be even more disappointed
BUT THERE'S NO TIME FOR ANY OF THAT BECAUSE THERE'S SOMEONE AT THE WINDOW JUST IN TIME FOR HALLOWEEN
IT'S THE SLEEPER/WAKER/SLASHER
palmolive thinks harrow brought him there but he doesn't know who tf it is because he's the real palmolive and not the gideon-less au palmolive
the slasher villain is trying to get at them
if harrow leaves palm's apartment, the waker/sleeper/slasher will leave too, according to him
he kisses harrow's brow and drops a funny one-liner, as he does, because he's a nerd
harrow reluctantly leaves and shows up in a dark corridor
but it's not a corridor and it isn't dark
and most shocking of all
THERE'S A "ME"
THERE'S A NARRATOR
"you never could have guessed that he had seen me"
WHO'S ME?????? WHO IS NARRATING????
and that's it for chapter 33, I'm glad I stopped halfway 5 months ago because idk if I would have been able to do what I did if I had read until the end
happy halloween fam! I'll post my costume later but it isn't locked tomb related although maybe next year???
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I've woken up on this day with a few quick thoughts on this scene from DMC5
Some things ppl (maybe myself in the past) have noticed and stated probably before but I'll throw my thoughts in anyway.
So, after Dante and Vergil knock back Nero, to keep him from following after him and establishing him as the protector of the human world while they go on to the demon world to cut down the Qliphoth tree. You can see Vergil's gaze linger on Nero for a good moment.
And I mean for a hot minute, too. He's gazing at the one he just found out is his own son. After witnessing the kind of strength his son displayed. He's thinking, and you can tell.
What about, you may ask?
About giving Nero his poetry book, of course. A personal belonging of his that he's personally cherished. And you know...this is actually the most affectionate Vergil has been towards Nero, in his own why. Let me elaborate real quick on why that is.
In Visions of V, its established that Vergil sees his poetry book as his 'heart'. Its tied to all the trauma he's suffered at first, but lamenting with his younger self, he realizes that he no longer needs to run from it and instead face it. His Heart will protect him.
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He goes on to say to himself that he doesn't have to toss away what he has left. It goes on, in this moment, to show how Vergil eventually believes deep down that he and Dante can be twins again. It twists the deep sibling rivalry on a more positive spin.
I say positive, because all this time Vergil's been very keen on proving his strength into defeating his little brother who he's lost twice to by this point. As himself (3) and as Nelo (1). Its why he splits himself to gain more power and laments over the whole thing as V.
Its why Urizen is so quick to bring up how he's stronger than Dante and no longer has to 'see him as a threat'. He doesn't even have to spare the effort.
Getting back on track, though. Its funny how its stated V's poetry book is his heart, because of how much its tied to not just him, but Urizen. He named Urizen after one of Blake's works after all, the 'Book of Urizen'. Both halves of him are tied to that one book. His heart.
So Vergil spending a moment to ponder and consider giving Nero that same book? Him having a taunt that involves asking himself if he should entrust it to him? And he does? He's giving Nero not just something personally cherished, but essentially a piece of himself as well.
I think the nice bow on top is that Nero picks up the book, very likely recognizes that its the one V was carrying around all the time and realizes just how important it is. Thus, he's actually reading it by the end of the game to maybe understand personally how it was cherished.
Vergil took a minute to decide on giving his son his 'heart', followed through with it, and now Nero is holding onto and 'protecting it' until the day they can one day meet again. Its basically Vergil's own way of displaying a sort of affection towards Nero, the way I see it.
Its the little things I like about these games, ya know...just the things you can potentially pick up when you think about it. Its a shame alot of added context is in a media that you can only read through fan translation (thankfully) and not accessible traditionally, but its a good thing the community has come around to getting a hold of and translating such things for others to read.
#devil may cry#dmc#leo's dmc analysis#I posted this on twitter so I'll cross post it here too#I love the symbolism of Vergil's nerdy book
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daydreams
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leah williamson x reader
little something that i’ve had in my drafts for a while.
i also just hit 500 followers, so thank you all for that. i appreciate every single one of you and i’m happy that you’ve loved what i’ve written.
let me know what you think!
-grey
———
“I got one last song for tonight.” ‘Awe’s’ can be heard through the room.
“I know. I know. Now. This song. Its one of my favorites that I’ve written and I wrote it in like two hours, right after some alone time with the Mrs… if ya know what I mean.” Y/N said with an exaggerated wink, making the room laugh.
“She’s a very inspiring woman. Most of my songs are about her, so, without further ado, this is Daydreams.”
She's all I read She's all the literature that I'll ever need She's poetry
But she's like the good kind that doesn't make me sleep Her eyes are porn and she knows it Won't shut her eyelids 'til she gets invited We're not keeping score, but she's winnin' Likes it when I'm singin', as long as it's for her
You do tend to get lost in her eyes, especially when you see nothing but love and lust in them.
Daydreams, they feel like livin' when I'm dreamin' about her She's all I breathe when I should be breathin' air She knows I'm weak, yeah I Daydream every day about the things we do at night
———
In the crowd, three friends came to watch the show together.
She likes the word, "Please" But not the polite kind, the one in the sheets She knows she's a tease She's here for a good time then she's gonna leave
“Whoever her wife is must be real freaky in them sheets.” One friend states, unaware of how one of her friends’ cheeks were turning red.
She'll start a war and she knows it Won't stop her fighting 'til my flag is rising We're not keeping score, but she's winnin' Likes it when I'm singin', as long as it's for her
Daydreams, they feel like livin' when I'm dreamin' about her She's all I breathe when I should be breathin' air She knows I'm weak, yeah I Daydream every day about the things we do at night
Daydreams, they feel like livin' when I'm dreamin' about her She's all I breathe when I should be breathin' air She knows I'm weak, yeah I Daydream every day about the things we do at night
“That was Daydreams, It will be release soon. For now, thank you all for coming to hangout. Until next time. Bye everyone, get home safe.” Y/N closed her show off, waving to the crowd, walking offstage.
“She’s so dreamy.” Lia Wälti stated to her friends.
“So hot.” Both Lia and Beth looked at Leah with a teasing smile. “Did I say that out loud?”
“Yup. I would say to get with her, but apparently she’s married now.”
Leah’s cheeks burn red. “Shut up. Let’s just g—”
“Leah Williamson.” Leah was interrupted by a security guard.
“That’s me.”
“You’ve been requested backstage. If you and your guests would just follow me.”
“Leah?”
“Hmm?”
“Why are we following a random person? He could be kidnapping us.”
“Don’t be dramatic.”
Following the security guard into a room, they were told to wait there and left, closing the door.
“Is this is the part where we die?”
“Lia!”
“You’re basically manifesting it to happen.” Beth stated, with a roll of her eyes.
“I promise I won’t kill you guys.”
The three of them turn around, seeing the one and only Y/N Y/LN. Two out of the three appear in shock.
“You- you’re Y/N Y/LN.”
“I am.”
“OHMYGOD I LOVE YOU!” Lia yelled in excitement.
“Thank you!” You turn to Leah and give her your biggest smile. “Hi, Leah.”
Leah quickly goes to you and wraps her arms around your neck, yours going around her waist.
“Hi, darling.” Leah leans up to give you a quick kiss.
“YOU KISSED Y/N YL/N!”
“Okay, Lia. Let’s go outside to calm down for a bit, yeah.”
“I’ll meet you guys outside. Let me get showers and changed first.”
The two footballers walk out the room, Leah closing the door.
“Wait, if Y/n Yl/n is married and you just kissed her, does that mean you’re married to her and she wrote a song about your sex life?”
“LIA!”
#leah williamson imagines#leah williamson imagine#leah williamson#leah williamson x reader#leah williamson one shot#woso soccer#woso x reader#woso imagine#woso one shot#woso#greynatomy#greynatomy fic#woso fanfics#woso imagines
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what makes a poem a poem? does it have to be written in a certain way? is this question a poem if i want it to be?
Fun question! This is just my personal sense as an avid reader and less-avid writer of poetry, but for me it’s useful to distinguish (roughly) between poetry as a genre and poetry as an attitude or philosophy through which language and the world can be understood. And of course these two go hand in hand. I see poetry the genre as essentially a type of literature where we as readers are signaled, somehow, to pay closer attention to language, to rhythm, to sound, to syntax, to images, and to meaning. That attentive posture is the “attitude” of broader poetic thinking, and while it’s most commonly applied to appreciate work that’s been written for that purpose, there’s nothing stopping us from applying that attentiveness elsewhere. Everywhere, even! That’s how you eventually end up writing poetry for yourself, after all. There’s a quote from Mary Ruefle floating around on here that a lot of folks have probably already seen, but it immediately comes to mind with this ask:
“And when you think about it, poets always want us to be moved by something, until in the end, you begin to suspect that a poet is someone who is moved by everything, who just stands in front of the world and weeps and laughs and laughs and weeps.”
Similarly, after adopting the attentive posture of poetics, there’s plenty of things that can feel or sound like a poem, even when they perhaps were not written with that purpose in mind. I’ve seen a couple of these “found poems” on here that are quite fun—this one, for example. The meaning and enjoyment you may derive from the language of a found poem isn’t any less real than that derived from a poem written for explicitly poetic purposes, so I don’t see why it shouldn’t be called poetry.
That said, I do think that if you’re going to go out and start looking for poetry everywhere, it’s still important to have a foundation in the actual language work of it all. Now, this doesn’t mean it has to be “written in a certain way” at all! But it does mean that in order to cultivate the attentiveness that’s vital to poetry, one needs to understand what makes language tick, down at its most basic levels. It will make you better at reading poetry, better at writing it, and better at spotting it out in the wild.
Mary Oliver’s A Poetry Handbook is an extraordinary resource to new writers and readers, and a great read for more experienced folks as well. Mary Oliver’s most popular poems are all to my knowledge in free verse, and yet you might be surprised to find her deep appreciation for metrical verse (patterns of stressed/unstressed syllables), as well as for the most minute devices of sound. In discussing the so-called poetry of the past, she writes,
“Acquaintance with the main body of English poetry is absolutely essential—it is the whole cake, while what has been written in the last hundred years or so, without meter, is no more than an icing. And, indeed, I do not really mean an acquaintanceship—I mean an engrossed and able affinity with metrical verse. To be without this felt sensitivity to a poem as a structure of lines and rhythmic energy and repetitive sound is to be forever less equipped, less deft than the poet who dreams of making a new thing can afford to be.”
In another section, after devoting lots of attention to the sounds at work in Robert Frost’s “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening”, she writes,
“Everything transcends from the confines of its initial meaning; it is not only the transcendence in meaning but the sound of the transcendence that enables it to work. With the wrong sounds, it could not have happened.”
I hope all this helps to get across my opinion that what makes a poem a poem is not just about the author's intention, and not just about meaning (intended or attributed), but also about sound and rhythm and language and history, all coalescing into something that rises above the din of a language we would otherwise grow tired of while out in our day-to-day lives.
I'll always have more to say but I'm cutting myself off here! Thanks for the ask
#ask#discussion#does this even answer the question? lol#anyways even if you're not huge on mary oliver i still highly recommend a poetry handbook#i admit her poetry is only to my taste about 60-70% of the time. but her handbook is a great resource and can stand alone#i actually think oliver wrote a whole other book just about metrical verse too. for people who are into that#also if you're someone who's less interested in the question 'what is poetry?' and more into questions like#why is poetry? can poetry survive? what the fuck happened to poetics in the twentieth century?#i recommend the witness of poetry by czeslaw milosz#an older book—actually a collection of lectures—but an absolute game-changer for me#not a poll
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Copying over my thoughts about Nosferatu (2024) feeling more in conversation with Coppola Dracula than either Nosferatu film— primarily because Tumblr DMs simply do not have a search function, and I would like to keep it to look back on
I’m probably going to have to rewatch to have firmer opinions. But at the moment:
For me the biggest departures were in the character of Count Orlok and the general narrative style and how the film imparted its themes
In the former case, I personally felt he was pretty squarely just Dracula. In the book, Dracula is narratively presented more as a force of nature than a fully dynamic character. He’s introduced at his most like human and approachable in the Jonathan at the castle segment, and then from that point on he’s less and less present as a character, rather than something terrifying that’s happening to the protagonists
Both earlier Nosferatu films, by virtue of having a much smaller scale of plot, end up with Orlok being more present for the run of the screen time. I feel he is also more dynamic? I associate that character more with like shame, deprivation, and a compulsive element to sexual repression and therefore sexual desire. There’s something very raw and nearly vulnerable about him between both Schrek and Kinski’s portrayals
Dracula, by contrast, I associate more with power, and control, and the themes of deviance presented more through excess. As the progenitor of Orlok, the above characteristics are present in him as well. But Nosferatu, and Orlok are basically like black out poetry to Dracula. In pairing down other elements, and emphasizing specific things, the end result is very different
In Eggers’ film, the emphasis on Orlok demanding Thomas call him by his proper title, that they are not equals, and that Orlok is his lord, and the later emphasis on the power he has over the Renfield character (I cannot remember his name lol) all feel decidedly Dracula esque, where the focus is more on pride for a faded glory days, and the desire to rule (tying to the novel’s preoccupation with decrepit aristocracy vs the new Victorian age of a modern middle class) rather than a sort of cringing, tragic shame. As does the general colder, more emotionless portrayal, and the line where he says “he is an appetite.” The latter felt the most to me like an attempt to thread the needle between the pestilence and compulsion specific themes happening with Nosferatu, and Dracula as a force of nature. But it still felt like a stronger lean towards Dracula on the larger scale
Re: narrative style, I feel like the Eggers film was also much less interested in the surreal, more intuitive tone the Murnau film set with its Expressionist style, and that the Herzog film followed up on. It was much more logical and about the collective cast of characters trying to figure out The Rules, and best Orlok that way. (It’s a very culturally anglophone approach)
As for it as a rebuttal to Coppola Dracula specifically, I definitely got that sense with Orlok’s general characterization. Where it went out of its way to portray and style him as like a faded Transylvanian warlord but decidedly leaving out the Vlad the Impaler backstory the Coppola film introduced. (Which, I mean they couldn’t really do with Orlok anyway, but it still felt pointed to me, because it’s something that book fans complain about a lot wrt the 1992 film and its impact on the pop culture perception of the character) Additionally, the specific way it handled scenes where Ellen goes into her trances, did feel like commentary on the Lucy scenes and how they had been more eroticized. Where here it’s so very not. The very first scene in the movie goes on to show her moaning in a field (reminiscent in setting to the wolfman assault scene in Coppola) and then ending it on her having a seizure. The use of seizures for horror itself feels a bit stale, but it gets the point across. As does the later reveal that she was probably meant to be an adolescent at that point. The way they shot her sleepwalking outdoors also just felt visually similar to me
There were a lot of little things with the side cast too. Harding particularly felt so much like a cynical take on Arthur Holmwood. And his interactions with Van Franz (I do wonder why they didn’t just call him Bulwer!) felt very specific to the sort of dynamic that exists in the Coppola film specifically
Willem Dafoe’s Van Franz, in general, felt so strongly in conversation with Anthony Hopkins’ Van Helsing. A complaint I’ve seen a lot from book purists (that I don’t personally agree with in this case) is that he’s so mean and sleazy in that film? And I feel in styling, eccentricity, and the light humor of his interactions, he felt very Hopkins esque but Van Franz is so decidedly kind to Ellen. He’s a very empathetic character throughout the whole movie.
Meanwhile, the blood drinking scenes in the castle being framed as sexual assault is very in keeping with Nosferatu. But how explicit it is, and the highlighting of Thomas as a victim, and its concern with his trauma, again felt like a direct rebuttal to the sexier framing of Jonathan’s time in the castle, and the erotic framing of the Brides drinking from him.
And yes, the way it presented Ellen and Orlok’s relationship (and Ellen and Thomas’s) seemed very much informed by the Coppola movie as well. Definitely the framing of it as more monstrous than romantic, but also her emotions being very fraught and complicated about it felt like it was playing off that? There’s the scene with Mina and Dracula late in the movie where she’s like “You killed Lucy; I love you” basically in the same breath. The emphasis on Ellen having sought out some sort of connection once because of an innate mysterious affinity with him (that itself feeling, to me, comparable to the Coppola specific element of Mina being predisposed to having romantic feelings for and a sense of familiarity with Dracula because of the reincarnation backstory) felt informed by that. The scene early on where she describes her dream of wedding death, the concept, and it’s blissful despite being objectively horrible, or the later scene where she tells Thomas about how her childhood (yikes…) relationship with Orlok was “blissful at first.” The ways that the movie went out of its way to portray nuance in their dynamic and that she may have some degree of mixed feelings but that it’s still unequivocally her being preyed on felt very in conversation with Coppola specific themes to me. (And also the more cynical take on how she would be socially treated for it)
Additionally the top down shot after they’ve both died just felt more similar to the Dracula final shot than either Nosferatu film’s in my opinion
#I did also feel like there was A LOT of Penny Dreadful in Ellen’s characterization particularly but that’s neither here nor there#nosferatu (2024)#nosferatu#dark stories of the north#dracula#dracula (1992)
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