#its atupid cause i can try as hard as i can to get clean and i can do ecerything i can to get better from what happened but i still have -
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THAT WON'T MAKE ME WANT TO DIE ANY LESS.
#my posts#journal#ok cause like what was the point of trying to get clean. i barely made it a month#hoping i can just use my usual tricks to make it heal fast but. i guess healing isnt my main concern lol#cause like. it was so easy until it wasnt & now im like. ok yeah im definitely about to go back into my stupid fucking pattern where i jusy#make my life worse . cause for a while o cried over everyrhing and i cried the day after everything happened in like 3 or 4 classes#i still feel stupid for crying in my journalism class right next to jack. he could probably hear me.#but i miss how i xould cry because now inthink my only emotion is anger which like. is tjat worse or better#its atupid cause i can try as hard as i can to get clean and i can do ecerything i can to get better from what happened but i still have -#- him coming onto me like: oh you need to get better after all of it? what about me? ypu hurt me too#fucking hate how he somehow thinks i dont deserve to get better. hate how he wont ever let me forget about him. god if i could.#i dont know. irs okay i guess. now i have people who actyaklly like me. it doesnt feel as good as it should#Spotify
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