#its almost like using social media to try to fill ur social needs is a doomed endeavor

[lepidopterium]

-

[makethatelevenrings]

Somewhere Only We Know - TWO

Chapter Warnings: spoilers for 2x02, swearing but that’s part of the show idk why you would be surprised by that

shoutout to @yanna-banana​ for showing me this Instagram dupe site so I can make this a bit more ~interactive~ since reader is, y’know, a social media manager. also thanks for ur patience my lovelies, i’m having “ahhhh im graduating” depressive states and all my energy is going towards finals and existing rn.

Series Masterlist

“Okay. Laptop. Charger. Keys. Coffee. Shoes. Shoes!”

For some reason, you were a mess this morning. You had been repeating your list of things you needed over and over again and yet every time you kept discovering something else you had forgotten. Your bag lay half-packed on the couch as you ran around like a chicken with its head cut off in pursuit of your shoes. Seriously, how the fuck did you lose the shoes you had grabbed from your closet just a minute ago?

That’s because they were in your hands.

Sighing, you pulled on the sensible flats and took another moment to look around your room and list out all the things you needed for work today. The TV played in a lone drone behind you and you turned your head to see This Morning playing. Philip and Holly were interviewing some guy from that one reality show.

“What about Amy? Are you going to wait for her?” Holly asked.

“Nah, no. I was just playing a game, know what I mean?” the guy replied. Christ, was that Jamie Tartt? It was, wasn’t it. “Find the fittest girl there, have sex with her in the toilet, ask her to marry you. Strategy.”

“Wow,” you drawled before you shut off the TV. “He’s a piece of shit.”

You headed for the door and quickly backtracked. You almost forgot your entire bag and the leftovers from the shoot you had last night. Ugh, you needed more coffee.

~~~

You were scrolling through TikTok in search of a new trend to use for a Richmond video when all five foot two inches of your boss came bursting into your office.

“Oh, sorry! I should have knocked. Get your bag, babes, we’re going to lunch,” she exclaimed. “There’s this cafe that’s a ten minute walk from here and they’ve got the best coffee.”

You knew better than to argue with the pure ball of energy that was Keeley Jones. In the short time you’ve known her, you loved the beaming blonde. She and Rebecca were infectious in their laughter, light, and kindness. When you first interviewed, you were intimidated by the two women, but you quickly learned that they were goofy as hell and always down to gossip.

Grabbing your purse, you dutifully followed Keeley through the maze of hallways. She passed the locker room without a second glance, but you made sure to peek over your shoulder to see a few of the guys streaming out of the doors.

“Yo, Keeley!” someone called. She spun around and waved at whoever yelled and then grabbed your hand, pulling you over to talk to a few of the guys.

“Hi Isaac! Have you met our new social media manager yet? She’s gonna be the one making you all look sexy on the Gram now,” she announced. You offered them a tentative smile and the large man in front of you beamed.

“Isaac McAdoo,” he introduced. You gave him your name in turn and then cleared your throat. You weren’t as charismatic or bubbly as Keeley, but you were trying to make more of an effort. Your last job was filled with a few passive aggressive comments thrown over cubicle walls and then bossa nova jazz everyday. No one had been chatty or nice the way everyone was at Richmond.

“I’ve actually been meaning to set up meetings with all the players,” you explained. “My job is to handle the team’s socials, but I also want to integrate the players' ideas and individual brands. I’d also like to know if anyone is working with a management team so I can coordinate with them on certain posts.”

“Isn’t she fucking brilliant?” Keeley exclaimed.

Isaac puffed out his chest and flexed his biceps. “As long as you make us look good, then I’m in.”

Keeley patted you on the shoulder. “We should get going to lunch, but check your email soon. I’ll make sure we can coordinate times to meet.”

“Awesome. Nice to meet you!” He darted off to go talk to someone else and Keeley slid her arm into the crook of yours so she could lead you out of the building and down the road.

“Isaac’s all bark and no bite unless you’re on the field,” she explained. “Sam is an absolute sweetie and Colin is darling. Richard is my go-to when I need to know a wine pairing and Zoreaux is a beast at Dance Dance Revolution. Bumbercatch is…”

Keeley listed off all the players on the team and you tried to keep a mental catalog of everything she said, but it was making your head spin. You were grateful once she stopped outside a small cafe that was indeed a short walk from Nelson Road. A simple vanilla latte and a chicken cobb salad was your order while Keeley got a complicated drink and a wrap.

The owner, Alex, handed the two of you your drinks and you turned with the intention of finding a table to wait for the food when Keeley stopped short. Some guy stood half-obscured by the plant shelves, but he stepped out once he realized he caught Keeley’s attention.

“Jamie?!” she exclaimed.

“I-I’m not stalking ya,” he blurted out. “I’ve been following you for, like, a few blocks now and I couldn’t text ya because I deleted your number.”

As he rambled on, his words started to fade in and out as you took him in. His slicked back hair made him look like a corny Godfather character and the all black ensemble didn’t help. You could understand why people fawned over him with that strong jaw and blue eyes, but as his lips moved all you could hear was his smarmy talk from the show this morning. 

“So, yeah, I’ve been following you for the last few blocks. No, I’m lying. I’ve been following you for your whole lunch hour. But I’ve just been trying to build up the courage to say hi…so…hi.” His voice trailed off and he shrugged.

“That’s, like, the definition of stalking,” you murmured which drew his attention to you. Jamie Tartt was starting to feel like a bad omen that was following you around.

“Hi, sorry. Jamie Tartt.” He offered you a cocky smile that you recognized from the TV that morning and you merely glanced down at his outstretched hand. You had no idea where that hand had been. Raising a single eyebrow, you let your gaze trail up from his hand to his face.

“I’ll go find us a table,” you said to Keeley before you brushed past him and found an empty table by the window. You always loved sitting by the window and watching the world pass by. You could make up stories about the people that passed by. Like the lady walking two poodles. Maybe she was some CEO or maybe she was an undercover agent. That would be sick as hell.

“Sorry about that, babe,” Keeley apologized. She placed your salad in front of you and then took the seat across from you. “Now, I just want to say that your idea about meeting all the players? Brilliant. Absolutely fucking brilliant. When we get back to the office, we can set up a calendar for everyone to schedule a time to meet with you. How’s that sound?”

“That’s great. I really love working here.” You looked towards the door where Jamie Tartt was heading out of, a coffee clutched in his hand. He glanced back at the table you were sitting at and you immediately looked away and back at Keeley. You offered her a tight smile and nodded along to whatever she was saying.

Hopefully that was the last time you would ever see Jamie Tartt.

Tag List: @shiptheship​

[meltwonu]

| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 |     [CHAPTER 4]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; masturbation, usage of toys, dirty talkin’, a bit of a filler chapter after last weeks hehe🍒 as always, thank you again for your continued support for cherry bomb 🥺💕 I'm actually not sure if next week’s chapter will go up on time due to my work schedule for next week but I'll be sure to keep y’all updated! if anything it’ll probably go up on saturday instead of friday... 😭😭 But anyway, have a good weekend yall! 💕💕💕 stay hydrated!! 

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - ?

The weekend ends quicker than Seungcheol even notices and while he wakes up Monday morning already thinking about you and your show later in the evening; his face falters when he reads the message on your cam homepage.

‘Sorry everyone :( I think I caught a cold so I won’t be doing a show tonight… I promise I’ll make it up to you on Friday! In the meantime, I’ve uploaded some new pics in our members only room~ I hope it’ll tide you all over ‘til then! xx Cherry 🍒 ’

His first reaction is to immediately panic; reaching for his phone and texting you to get as much rest and sleep as possible. He makes a mental note to check in with you again later, finding that he’s already running late to get to work when he gets out of bed.

“Hey! Seungcheol-hyung!”

The said male turns around, placing the set of roller skates on the ground. “Yeah, what’s up?”

Jeongguk sits next to him on the wooden bench, legs stretched out as he passes Seungcheol an energy drink. “Nothin’, just wanted to say thanks for coming over on Saturday! We should try to do that again, except maybe we can go out for drinks or something? We can give it the good ‘ol college try, maybe bring home a girl, if you know what I mean~” Jeongguk wiggles his eyebrows at Seungcheol who rolls his eyes.

“Uh, I’m down for the drinking part but I think I’ll have to pass on the hookups.”

“Really? Why? Are you dating someone and you haven’t told me?”

Seungcheol thanks the gods that the roller rink is dimmed; neon lights and disco balls the only things keeping the entire place dimly lit when he blushes a deep crimson, face hot as he avoids the younger male’s gaze. “Nah, it’s just, I--I don’t think that’s really for me. I’m more of a, uh, relationship type of guy, y’know?” Also, I’m devoting my time and energy to someone already who isn’t really my girlfriend.

“Mm, makes sense!”

Jeongguk keeps Seungcheol company even on his break, the two chatting about various topics before he lets Seungcheol know his break is almost over.

“Hey, wait! Before you go…” Seungcheol is nervous for some reason, fingers gripping the suede of the rollerskate’s boot as he avoids eye contact again. “Um, this is gonna sound really weird but… Who’s ‘j__min’? I feel like I’ve seen that username before and it’s, uh, I’m just curious how you know them? Sorry if that’s weird, I just--I’ve been seeing them around pretty often.”

“Oh, that’s Jimin-hyung. He’s a friend of mine that games with me sometimes! I’ve never really met the dude in person before, but he seems nice.” Jeongguk nods, staring off into space. “He seems really busy all the time too. And he’s super active on social media, that’s probably where you’ve seen him.”

Seungcheol nods; the guy didn’t seem like any sort of immediate threat so he logs the information mentally for now. He’d just have to do some internet sleuthing himself when he got home.

“Oh, cool, okay! Thanks ‘Guk!” 

Seungcheol groans after the seventh pair of skates he’s cleaned, standing up to stretch and reach for his phone in his pocket. He checks the notifications, noting that you hadn’t texted back or read his messages yet.

A frown paints his features knowing that you were sick, but he makes another mental note to finally buy you that sybian now that his most recent paycheck had come in with it’s overtime bonuses. There were only a few more days until Namjoon came back which meant his extra pays would be over, a sad sigh escaping his lips at the thought. 

The day gruels on; Mondays were always the slowest days for the roller rink which meant Seungcheol spent most of the time cleaning skates and bumming snacks from the concession stand usually. He tries to not pry deeper into Jeongguk’s friends but the curiosity eats him alive so he makes an effort to stay away from the younger male for the rest of the day, this time.

Instead, he spends the day hiding in the employee break room any time he gets; only leaving when Yoongi decides to hide in there himself.

Your head feels like it’s going to spin off of your shoulders once you sit up in bed. The sun sits low in the horizon from what you can see through your bedroom window; noting that it must’ve been the late afternoon already.

You’d woken up with chills, head fuzzy when you’d sat up earlier in the morning. Knowing that you were at least somewhat sick, you quickly wrote up a little memo on your homepage letting your viewers know that there wouldn’t be a show later in the evening. Afterwards, you had quickly downed medicine before curling up under your sheets and going back to sleep. You’d vaguely been aware of your phone ringing on the nightstand next to your bed, but you prioritized sleeping instead, knowing that you had to get better before the weekend came.

You groan once you ease yourself off of your bed, dragging your feet as you make your way to the bathroom in hopes of a warm bath to make yourself feel better.

It’s almost 5PM which means it’s almost time for Seungcheol to finally go home. He checks his phone one more time before he pockets the device, putting away the last few pairs of rollerskates before he starts making his way towards the backroom. 

“Hey! ‘Cheol-hyung, can you come over here!?” Jeongguk yells over the music, arms waving him down frantically before he clocks out.

Seungcheol walks over, noting an unknown male standing with him. “Yes? Did you need help?”

“This guy, sorry I forgot your name?” The male laughs, eyes forming crescents when he smiles brightly at Jeongguk. “It’s Seokmin.”

“Right, right. Seokmin is asking if we’re hiring?” Jeongguk ends with a head tilt, unsure of the answer himself.

Seungcheol bites the inside of his cheek. Technically yes, they were understaffed even with Namjoon around. But Namjoon was also technically the one in charge of overseeing hiring positions. And while they technically should’ve hired more staff, that also meant Seungcheol’s overtime bonuses would be cut anytime they actually had the appropriate amount of staff.

“Uhhhh… I--I don’t think so? I’m not the one in charge. Our manager that decides staff and hiring positions is out of town indefinitely so…” Seungcheol trails off, hoping Seokmin gets the hint.

“Ahh… Should I come back another time then?” Seungcheol nods, frowning slightly. “Sorry ‘bout that man. But hey, why don’t you leave your contact info so we can call you? So you don’t have to keep coming back.”

Seokmin nods, beaming at the older male.

“Sure, that’d be great! Thanks!”

Seungcheol only feels slightly bad when he gets home that night, praying karma doesn’t kick his ass later for lying.

On days when you cancel your show are the days Seungcheol realizes he needs more hobbies than watching your cam shows and gaming all night.

Not that it’s a bad thing, he thinks, just that he could supplement his life with more.

He places an order for a few cookbooks alongside the order for the sybian, soft chuckles spilling from his lips when he realizes what an odd array of things he’s ordered.

Seungcheol manages to fill his night with meaningless tasks; finally cleaning his PC and settling in to watch a movie while he polishes off an entire pizza. He checks his phone a few more times, noting no new messages and he wonders if you’re really okay. A lightbulb goes off in his head, power walking back to his PC as he opens a new browser.

He bites his lip, typing in ‘j__min’ in the search bar to see what comes up. By nature, the username is unfortunately a lot more common than he anticipates and he ends up rifling through a lot of dead ends before he comes upon the profile on the same camming website you used and an instagram that seemed to be updated fairly regularly.

“Let’s see…”

Your body feels hot all over. Pin pricks on your fingertips as a bead of sweat trickles down your temple.

Now, you didn’t feel sick, you just felt incredibly insatiable. Again.

You weren’t sure if it was because your body had adjusted to a certain schedule, but you can’t help the way you toss and turn in bed; thighs rubbing together in hopes of alleviating the growing wetness between them.

Checking the clock, you note it’s already 10PM, close to when you’d normally be doing your show. You sigh, pushing your sweaty hair out of your face as you reach for your phone on the nightstand. You immediately notice a few text messages from Seungcheol; frowning when you notice the text messages were from the morning.

cheollie ✨: hey, baby :( saw your note, i hope you’re okay.

cheollie ✨: make sure to drink a lot of water and take medicine!

cheollie ✨: don’t push yourself too hard either okay?

The messages end there and you pout, unsure what to even say now that it had been hours since he’d texted.

babygirl 🍒 : cheollie… i only saw ur msgs now 🥺

babygirl 🍒 : im sorryyyyy i was sleeping so long but i feel better now!!

Seungcheol closes all his browser tabs before he realizes it, a smile on his face when he sees you’ve responded.

‘That’s okay, I’m just glad you’re okay and feeling better. Promise me you drank tons of water?’

He feels giddy, palms sweaty as he grips his phone.

babygirl: mmhmm! i did… i don’t even feel sick anymore 🥺 but…

babygirl: dunno… i’m feeling needy again… i think my body is used to my usual schedule...

Seungcheol’s body thrums with newfound energy and arousal at your leading comments. He’s unsure of what to say next, fearing he was going to say too much. But his phone pings again, eyes quickly flitting over your messages.

babygirl 🍒 : if ur busy its okay but

babygirl 🍒 : do u think we could cam? just u and me?

babygirl 🍒 : only if ur free tho!!

His fingers are tingling when he sends his reply, making it short and sweet before he places his phone down and makes sure his PC is running smoothly.

‘Of course, you know I’m always here when you need me. :)’

It takes a few minutes for you and Seungcheol to set up your respective spaces and in the meantime, you grab your laptop, propping it open on the bed next to you as you lay in front of it. You had debated on using your better camera which you used for camming, but you didn’t want it to be set up like a cam show.

Instead, you wanted a more intimate and casual video call with Seungcheol, so you made sure your webcam worked fine as you placed it on the sheets.

‘Video Call Incoming…’

You can’t help the blush that coats your skin nor the lust that fills your body as soon as you accept his call; his somewhat blurry figure coming into view.

“Hey, sweetheart!” Seungcheol beams at you through the grainy camera and you already feel yourself clenching around emptiness, words caught in your throat at how handsome he was and how truly enticing his voice was. “H-hi!” Rubbing your thighs together, you peer at the camera shyly. “I--wow, the pictures really… You’re so much more handsome on v-video.” You giggle slightly, leaning in closer to your laptop to get a better view of the silvery-blue haired male.

Seungcheol’s deep laugh filters through the speakers and your toes curl against the sheets.

“You should see me in person, maybe I’ll look even better then.”

You don’t deny that one bit; your own hands already itching to touch yourself. “Oh? Is that an invitation~?”

Seungcheol’s eyes pierce the camera, licking his own lips as you watch him  snake a hand down into his sweats.

“If you want it to be, sweetheart. But tell me about you, how are you feeling? Have you eaten already?”

Gulping, you watch as his hand seems to work slowly and out of view. “I--um, I feel b-better just… Dunno, guess my body’s just used to, um, y’know… A-and I haven’t really had much of an appetite...” You trail off, head still fuzzy from the cold medicines and now, Seungcheol.

In a roundabout way, it almost feels like you’re watching him do a show for you as you watch him slowly get off.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better, baby. But you know you should try to eat, okay? I don’t want you to get even sicker.” You nod, fingertips already at the edge of your sleep shorts. 

“I--c-can I touch myself too?” Seungcheol laughs lightly, nodding as he tilts his head back. “Of course, you don’t need to ask me for permission, baby.”

You grin at him, sitting up as you reposition the laptop. Your hand slides underneath a pillow, grabbing the small bullet vibrator you kept there. “Do you always keep a toy handy?” His voice is airy, teasing in the way he asks.

“Mmhmm~ You never know when you’ll need it~” You sing-song, shimmying your sleep shorts and panties off before you spread your legs in front of the camera.

The air gets knocked out of Seungcheol the second you spread your legs for him and him alone and he can’t help but imagine all the things he wanted to do with you. He watches as you tease yourself, fingertips only grazing across the areas he knew you wanted to be touched the most. 

“I can’t wait for us to finally fuckin’ meet.” He grits out.

A moan floats through the speakers of Seungcheol’s gaming PC, your saccharine voice music to his ears. “M-me too, wanna know what you’d do to me~” You giggle afterwards, pressing the vibrator to your clit as you spread your legs wider for him to see. Seungcheol’s hand around his cock tightens as he watches, an appreciative smirk on his face.

“Oh sweetheart, what wouldn’t I do to you.” You can’t help but slide your fingers through your wet folds listening to Seungcheol’s voice, whimpering when you finally slide a finger in. “Yeah? What would be the first thing? Tell me, ‘Cheollie~”

Even through the webcam quality, you can see the way Seungcheol’s eyes glaze over in complete pleasure. He licks his lips once, leaning in close so that you can hear him clearly.

“I know you probably think I’d get straight to the filthy shit, huh? Pin you to your bed and fuck you until you forget your own name or tie you up to the bedposts and make you beg for me to fuck you. But I wouldn’t. Because I wanna worship your fuckin’ body. I’d take it nice and slow with you, give you as many orgasms as you want.”

“F-fuck, Seungcheol, I–”

“You could use me for your pleasure, y’know? You deserve it. You’re such a good girl. I’d give you anything you fuckin’ want if you’d let me.”

Your choked moans have Seungcheol working his cock faster; nothing on his mind except for you and his impending orgasm. “Oh g-god, Seungcheol, I--fuck, yes, I want that~ I want you to--to make me cum as many times as I w-want!” You mewl, easily working in another finger as you pump the digits inside your pussy.

He smirks when he sees your grip on the vibrator loosening, knowing that you were already too lost in the pleasure to keep the toy on. “And I’d let you. Maybe I’d make you cum on my tongue first. Or would you want my fingers?”

“B-both! Puh--please…” You whine, legs threatening to clamp shut. You curl and scissor your fingers, thrusting them knuckle deep inside yourself as you chase the pleasure that overtakes your senses. “Please, ‘Cheol, tell me more~”

You watch through the camera as Seungcheol pushes his sweats down enough to get his cock into view; mouth watering as you watch it curve up to his lower abdomen.

“I know how much you love being doted on and being taken care of… So after I make you cum all fuckin’ night, you know I’d take care of you. Make sure you’re comfortable and cuddle with you when you’re tired.” His hips cant up into his closed palm, a soft groan on his lips. “And then when we wake up, I’ll eat you out. Nice and slow so you know it’d be worth it.” 

Seungcheol smirks, smearing the precum all over his shaft. “But I also know you like it rough and you like being punished like a bad girl. You like the idea of being tied up and teased and being fucked nice and hard too. I could take it nice and slow, build up the pleasure for you. Or I can take it nice and slow and tease you, I’d make you sit on my cock ‘n make you wait for it ‘til you’re begging me. Or maybe you would want an audience? Let them see you fall apart on my cock when you’re desperate to cum.” 

You press the vibrator against your clit again, Seungcheol’s name falling out of your mouth in a blubbering mess. “Oh--I--!!”

Your legs clamp shut, fingers halting their movements as you cum hard around your fingers. Seungcheol watches as your legs shake, his own hand running up and down his cock in quick motions as he chases his high too. You vaguely hear him groaning your name; the ringing in your ears overbearing as your orgasm continues to wash over you.

The sound of your quick and shallow breaths mix with Seungcheol’s over the speakers as the two of you catch your breath. You slip your fingers from inside of you, wincing when you turn off the toy and toss it to the side.

“Fuck, baby, I--”

“Y-yeah…” You quietly lick your fingers clean, knowing that Seungcheol’s watching. “I… that was the first time I… did that with s-someone…” You giggle tiredly, wiping the rest of your sticky fingers on your shirt.

“Really? Never?” Seungcheol’s surprised expression makes you giggle; his eyes round and mouth wide open as he leans closer to his webcam.

“Mmhmm! Just, y’know, it’s--it’s hard to get close to people sometimes…”

You had mentioned it off-handedly once while the two of you had been texting, that most of the dates you’d been on hated the fact that you cammed. There was always a possessive aura that was present and while Seungcheol would sometimes get a little jealous himself, he also knew it was your livelihood and how you supported yourself.

“Ah, yeah, I can understand.”

The two of you sit in a content silence, Seungcheol reaching for a few tissues to clean off the drying cum on his abdomen.

“Hey, ‘Cheol?”

“Yeah?” He peers up at the camera through his lashes, blinking rapidly as he watches you lay back down in front of your laptop.

“About what you said… earlier…” You pause, shyness overtaking once again. “I--Would you want to meet up? Like, for real? I mean--not--not like tomorrow or something but... Y’know, we can start planning?” 

Any words that come after that turn into radio static in Seungcheol’s head and he can feel his pupils shaking, nervousness already bubbling up inside of him at the prospect of actually finally maybe getting to meet you. 

“Seungcheol? ‘Cheollie? You okay?” 

Fuck.

“Huh? Yeah, yeah! I’m cool, I’m good, sorry, that--that caught me off guard.”

He watches as you talk animatedly, mind already going a mile a minute as he thinks over everything that needed to be done before then. 

“I’m really excited to meet you, ‘Cheollie!” 

[koolcatkenma]

Hey! :) I saw you wanted to do prompts, so maybe IwaOi with a "choose me" angst prompt?

so i am sorry this took so long to write, and u bet i am thinking of a part 2 already >:)

Thinking back, it must have started sometime in high school. But if Tooru sat down and really thought about it, his feelings had started developing much earlier. But he didn’t want to face that reality. Not now. Not ever.

Now, in his second year of university, Tooru was regretting every decision that had led him to his current situation. He was standing outside of the cafe the pair used to regular, picking up a late dinner after an especially successful practice. It hadn’t changed.

Inside was near empty, save for a few customers browsing the selection of pastries offered. Glancing at his watch, Tooru realized he was early. Taking a deep breath, the boy pushed open the door and headed to the counter to order.

Minutes later he was sitting in their usual seat in the corner, by the window. His coffee sat steaming, too hot to enjoy. His arms were crossed, eyes trained on the door. Any minute now, they would arrive. Hajime had never been one to be late. 

Sure enough, his long-time friend walked in just seconds later. The sight of him almost knocked the breath out of Tooru’s lungs. Hajime had always been attractive, but his second year of university was doing wonders for him. No longer a bench warmer but the university volleyball team’s vice-captain, he had filled out, even more so, muscles visible under the thin t-shirt he wore. His skin was tanned, shorts riding up to show off a slight tan line. He was taller somehow, or he stood straighter. In high school, he would keep his hair short and barely use any product. Now he had an undercut, the top of his head styled so it was almost windswept. He had stubble too; it was insanely hot.

When their eyes met, a smile lit up his face and he waved. Tooru almost returned the gesture, but his hand fell back into his lap as his eyes traveled to behind his friend. There a girl, petite in stature. She seemed shy, gripping the back of Hajime’s shirt, her gaze locked on the man in front of her. She wore a light blue sundress, showing off slim arms and legs, devoid of moles or imperfections. Brown hair fell past her shoulders, curled ever so slightly. Tooru had never been more envious of someone he hadn’t even met.

Of course, he knew his friend had been chatting with a girl in his year; although they went to different schools, their friends had made it a point to keep Tooru in the loop. But Tooru had expected the relationship to go nowhere as every other did. It typically lasted a month before the girl, who would have been flirting with Hajime nonstop, gave up. No matter how book smart the student claimed to be, he lacked the social skills needed to recognize when someone actually liked him. Tooru knew that all too well. 

Mentally, he checked out as soon as the pair sat down across from him. He made sure to give the appropriate responses, ask reasonable questions, and smile. He learned little about the girl next to Hajime, except that they went to the same university and were studying totally different things. And that she was the exact opposite of himself.

**

Tooru stared at his phone, scrolling through the girl’s social media. Although they weren’t even officially dating, she had the audacity to post several pictures of Iwa-chan. The boy didn’t even have any social media. He wondered if Hajime knew there were pictures of him like this on the internet. They weren’t incriminating or bad; he was smiling so bright in all of them, never looking directly at the camera. He was so beautiful.

Speak of the devil, his phone went off with a ding. Through blurry vision, he saw that it was Hajime, thanking him for meeting up today. He also asked what Tooru thought of her. Which is something he didn’t do with other girls. 

Not wanting to be mean but truthful, he sent out a blunt ‘she’s nice. opposite of what i thought ur type was’. He wanted to throw his phone at the wall.

Another ding. ‘I missed you, ya know. We should meet up more often.’

‘awe, iwa-chan missed me! what a sap’

‘Shitty-kawa. I take it back.’

‘mean!!’

And it felt like old times. 

**

Tooru dreamt dreams that felt too real, the nights after he met that girl, his now unspoken nemesis. In every one, they were back in high school and Oikawa wasn’t such a coward. He confessed to Iwaizumi, then the dream would skip to them at the same university, sharing an off-campus apartment. There would be soft kisses and cuddles, time spent out on real dates; their team would go to nationals and win. 

Hajime would choose him.

He always woke up crying. Tooru loved Hajime, and Hajime didn’t even know.

Unconsciously, the student distanced himself from his friends outside his university. He started ignoring calls, replying late to texts, skipping out on monthly meetups with his old team. He deleted social media as to not be tempted to stalk that girl. That was probably the final red flag, alerting someone that something wasn’t right.

It had been three months since that day; volleyball was nearing the end of its official season, the qualifying rounds rapidly approaching. As starting setter, his already busy days got busier, practices became longer and more frequent, and finals approached rapidly. He slept less and less, spent more nights on the court or in the library, and couldn’t remember when or what his last meal was if you asked him. But he was going to nationals if it killed him. 

Exhaustion pulled at his body, weighing him down. The dark circles under his eyes almost made it look like someone had clocked him. His movements outside of practice were sluggish; more than once did he dozes off during a lecture. Maybe if he had been more alert he could have avoided the way too familiar face standing outside his favorite study cafe.

When their eyes met, Tooru had half a mind to just turn and run. The other half, the sleep-deprived half, told him differently and won. His legs continued to take him towards his friend, his face staying neutral. He knew he looked like shit, but the look Hajime gave him when he was close enough to see his face still hurt.

“Iwa-chan! What are you doing here?” Tooru tried to keep his voice upbeat, pushing open the door to the slightly busy cafe. Glancing around, he saw his favorite booth was open and made a beeline to it, his friend following close behind.

“Oikawa, you have us all worried. You haven’t responded to my texts in weeks.” Straight to the point, huh he thought, sighing. 

“Iwa-chan, as a fellow student you should understand! Finals and qualifiers are coming up soon~” Voice light, the boy took out his laptop and textbooks, eager to end the conversation.

Hajime took a deep breath, clearly trying to keep his frustration under control. Oikawa had no intention of telling his friend anything. But Iwaizumi wasn’t leaving without a truthful explanation. 

“You’re team secured the number one seed last week and finals aren’t for two more weeks. Tooru, what is wrong?” There was a real concern in his voice, his face pinched in worry. The boy probably didn’t even realize how much emotion he was letting slip out. Tooru was happy their booth was in a secluded corner because it all became too much. Tears welled in the corner of his eyes and threatened to spill over. He looked up at the boy he had loved for as long as he could remember and finally spoke.

“Hajime, I love you. I want you to choose me.”

help me keep writing :)

[saviormysticmeme]

Well, a creppy boy started talking to me on the Tumblr chat saying weird shit and asked me to be his valentine out of the blue, so.. Yeah can I request RFA+V+Saeran reacting to that? A creep talking to MC and saying creppy stuff lol. Love ur blog 💕

Is he still bothering you? If he is PM me and his ass is grassOr if you’re just in need of a fake girlfriend/boyfriend/SO also say the word I’m there y’all don’t even know how good I look in drag

Forreal tho, if someone online is ever making you feel uncomfortable don’t be afraid to get assertive or reach out for help.

Anyways

 RFA+V+Saeran react to a Creep creepin on MC

Yoosung

Yandere Yoosung: ACTIVATED i imagine a magical girl animation sequence whenever I say that

You had shown him the messages immediately because you two were playing games on an online server together when you got random, creepy PMs from GameFreak90

‘hey there, I see you’re a high level. U must be pretty good with your hands

want 2 play a game together sometime? it doesn’t have to be online ;)

its almost valentines day you know. we can hang out. ‘

You were so uncomfortable, and it went from uncomfortable to freaked out when you asked GameFreak90 to stop messaging you and he kept going, starting to talk about all the things he’d like to do to you

Yoosung searched the guys name immediately and pulled up his profile

His hands never moved so fast

‘Hey. Quit messaging MC28. She’s a good friend of mine and you’re freaking her out. -ShootingStar’

‘fuck off’

Yoosung was not having it. He didn’t have Seven’s hacking skills, or Jumins money, or Jaehee’s wit or anything the others had

But what he did have was his games

He pulled up TeamSpeak for his LOLOL guild immediately

“Guys, I need backup for an emergency raid”

It was over in minutes

Yoosung’s guild had raided and completely emptied GameFreak90′s base

Yoosung got a string of messages immediately after

hey man what the fuck

dude give me my shit back

fine im sorry im sorry give me my shit please

dude please

Yoosung just turned his mic on and with one last request of his guild “Hey, can everyone here flag this guy for inappropriate behavior”

In about 10 mins Yoosung went to pull up GameFreak90′s profile

It had been deleted

Yoosung had the smuggest of smirks on his face

Until

“My hero” You giggled and kissed him on the cheek

He went from war hero Shooting Star to blushing, stuttering, Yoosung real quick

Jaehee

It was a slow day in the coffee shop so you were just sitting at a table playing on your phone and sipping coffee

Ding.

Huh? New message.

Ding ding ding

You had a bad feeling before even opening your Fumblr app 

When you did open the little social media site, you were met with a bunch of unwelcomed advances from some strange follower

Hey valentines is coming up and im lonely

r u lonely to?

how about u be my valentine and we can go out??

You grimaced and replied with a curt “I’m sorry but no thanks”

come on babe

dont b like that

we can have fun

Jaehee had noticed to look on your face and immediately popped to your side

“Mc is everything alright?

“Yeah..I’m just getting creepy messages from some guy on Fumblr.” You handed her the phone so she could read them and her nose crinkled in distaste almost instantly

“Well your first problem is you apologized.” 

“Huh?”

Jaehee started tapping away as she spoke “Don’t apologize for not being interested. When you apologize it makes you seem more …docile. Submissive. If these creeps think you have an ounce of shyness or even politeness in you they’ll try to exploit it.”

“o-oh.” You stammered, surprised by how irritated Jaehee suddenly seemed

“Secondly,” Her expression softened a bit with a final tap on the screen “You didn’t block him immediately” She looked to you with a smile on her face, pleased with herself for whatever she said to your Fumblr follower

She handed the phone back to you and a light blush fell across your cheeks. Jaehee never seemed to be the protector type but when it comes down to it

Baehee isn’t letting anyone bother you

ever

Zen

He’s gotten his fair share of creepy fan mail, but he understands it comes with the job

But when you get creepy mail from his followers

NO NO NO NO NO

You two have all the fan mail sent to a P.O. Box so fans don’t have your home address

One time when you went to get the batch, the two of you found a handful of letters with your name on them

“My fans must see us together all the time” Zen said as he handed the letters to you, a cautious look on his face. He was worried it was going to be some fangirl writing a mean letter about how she deserves Zen instead of you

It was much creepier

It was a bunch of letters from some guy 

‘My sister is a big fan of Zen so I have to watch TV shows with him on them all the time. One time there was a news story about him, but you were in the picture with him…’

The letters go on to say how once the writer saw you with Zen he started searching you more and claimed you two would be a perfect match. He started suggesting you break up with Zen (offering for him to date his sister) and for the two of you to get together.

…

You have to literally hold Zen back so he doesnt march to the return address and beat the shit out of sender

“Zen it’ll be such bad press do not do not do not”

“I DON’T GIVE A SHIT”

“YES YOU DO PLS ZEN”

20 mins later

He’s not calm, but he’s not bum rushing the door so…calm enough

“Let’s think of a reasonable way to handle this” You slump into a chair, exhausted from being the only thing standing between Zen and a physical assault charge

After a few minutes of silence

..”I have an idea.”

Zen pulled out a pad and started scribbling. “He said his sister is a fan of me? Well I’ll make her an offer she can’t refuse.”

Zen ended up writing a very heartfelt note to the sister of the sender, explaining the situation and how uncomfortable you were feeling because of the brother. And if the sincerity of the letter wasn’t enough to get her to make her brother stop, the VIP pass to Zen’s next show was a good bribe. 

He sent it out the next morning, and a few days later you guys checked the PO box to find a letter from her apologizing profusely for her brother’s behavior and how she’d handle it. And about 10 pages of ‘thank you’s and compliments for Zen of course. 

Jumin

Elizabeth would only chase a laser pointer for so long, so you had a lot of free time whenever Jumin was at work

You were no stranger to social media sites as they were the best way to distract yourself for hours at a time until you had something entertaining to do

And you’ve gotten spam bots before, but never a human who was actually so forward enough to send you enough messages to make you a small novel

you look really nice in your profile picture

is that designer? man you got money to

you’re a rich bitch. wanna come see what its like on the other side of town?

You were appalled. 

“Leave me alone” was the best you could muster since you were in such a state of disgusted shock. 

The messages continued, and you ended up just blocking the guy. But even after that just looking at your phone made you a little nervous that you were going to see more messages from another douchebag

But nope

Same douchebag. Different site. 

why’d you block me? playing hard to get?

“How’d you find my profile?”

it’s not hard to figure it out since I saw your name on the other one ;*

You just blocked him again and put your phone down, resolving to entertain yourself with anything else that wasn’t social media.

Eventually Jumin came home, and the first thing he noticed was your phone sitting on the coffee table and a specific lack of…you.

He went into a panic for a moment before you stepped into the hall, freshly showered. 

“Oh, MC, there you are. I was worried for a second. You’re usually not far from your phone.” 

“Yeah..” You muttered. “Some guy just keeps bugging me”

What

What do you mean

What guy

How

You explain the situation to Jumin and his phone is to his ear almost immediately as he picks up yours with his free hand.

“Luciel? I’m cashing in on a favor….”

You knew immediately where this was going and you had a slight grin on your face, knowing the creep who kept messaging you wasn’t going to be bothering you or anyone else anytime soon

Seven

You don’t even waste time

The second you get the first creepy message

hey hot stuff

You hand your phone to Seven

He just looks down at the screen, and a devious smile spreads across his face

Sure he could mess with anyone he wanted, but this time he has an excuse to go all out and ruin this Creeps life.

Seven whips up a program in a matter of minutes, connects a USB from his computer to your phone, then texts the man back

‘Hey cutie…wanna see a picture? ;)’ and he attached a file 

It says the message was received and viewed, but no response was given.

“What’d you do?” You ask as Seven hands your phone back

With a big smirk on his face:

“Once he opens that file his phone is going to run through his chat logs and play back all his creepy messages  on a permanent loop on his screen. And if he has any wireless connection to his computer, say, cloud storage, it’s going to happen to his computer too. And every few minutes he’s going to get a picture of me dressed as a maid, because I have to deliver, you know?”

You give Seven a huge hug “Ugh, thank you. How will I every pay you back”

“You already did” He laughs

“Huh?”

“You’ll see” He winks and goes back to his computer.

You shrug and walk away, figuring you’d find out soon enough

And you did

The next time you opened your phone, your background was a nonstop slideshow of 707′s Greatest Crossdressing Pics

And all your app icons were selfies

And your gallery was filled with pictures of the red headed hacker

“SEEEEEEEVVVVVEEEEEENNNNNNNNN”

V

V was sitting on the couch and you were upstairs cleaning up and putzing around

Ding

V looked to see your phone light up on the table 

“MC, I think someone messaged you!” V yelled up the stairs

“Will you check it for me? It’s probably just a guest with a question about the party.” You called back 

“Sure.” And with that he opened your phone to find a rather crude picture  “What in the world”

my friend gave me ur number, thought you’d like this ;)

V was horrified that someone meant for you to open this 

‘I dont’ He typed back.

awww come on. you can tell from the pic im a good looking guy and my friend says ur cute. why dont we hang out

“No.” V glared at the number displayed at the top of the message board

playing hard to get? i like

V realized there was no reasoning with this idiot, and he thought it would be a waste of time trying to further communicate with a fool like his, so he bit down his better instinct and just sent a picture of himself glaring at the phone camera and typed “You’re talking to a man”

there was no reply for a moment

my friend said this was a girl

“I can assure I am not a female. Your friend gave you the wrong number. Go away”

There was no response but V was sure he could feel the embarrassment from the other side of the connection

With a satisfied huff he deleted the messages and number, figuring it best if you never have to worry about the situation

He also plans to find out which one of your friends would give your number to such a vulgar creep. 

Saeran

You two were watching a video on your phone when you got a sudden chat request on Kiik, a messaging app

Saeran cast a quizzical look at you and you return it with a shrug, signalling you had no clue

When you open it up theres just a bunch of weird messages

hey babe

hey

wanna be my valentine

i dont want to be lonely and i bet you dont either

we can keep each other company ;)

You didn’t even have a chance to respond before Saeran took the phone from your hand

“Fuck off” He was holding your phone so tight you thought he was gonna snap it in half

wow ur not very polite

“I said. Fuck. Off.” Saeran let out a breath that sounded like a growl

come on baby dont be like that

You could see a fire in your friend’s eyes and you knew things were about to get bad

“Send one more message and I’ll end your miserable existence, Scum.” 

“Saeran let’s just ignore it” You tried to take your phone back but he wouldn’t let go, too hyper focused on the screen. Instead he looked at you and said “He shouldn’t be talking to you this way.”

Ding

Both your eyes shot back to the screen

so you’ll come see me ;)

Whoever was on the other line had nooo clue who they were taunting

Saeran got up slowly, so slow it was a little creepy, when you looked at him you could see the gears running in his head

He walked over to his computer and started typing away, looking to the phone every now and then.

After about 20 minutes he finally came back to sit with you and handed your phone back.

“You….You good, Saeran?” You asked, surprised at how calmed he seemed.

He looked to you with a smile on his face and a glint in his eye. “I’m very good.”

You were almost worried to ask but “What’d you do?”

“Not much. But he’ll leave you alone soon enough.”

You stopped asking questions, he wouldn’t tell you the details anyways.

..

That night you were awoken to 

Dingdingdingdingding

You fumbled around in the dark and eventually opened your phone to see messages from the Kiik app

Iuwefjkgl

ahfuoieqhwf

please helpfehofejijeqiue

…..

I’m very sorry for what I said to you earlier. I will never contact you again. If I do my fingers will be broken.

You knew immediately. 

“Saeran what’d you do???” You sent the text

All you got back was “:)” 

[trouvvaille]

[[I want this here for reasons... i love this so much, and it needs to go on this blog]]

vvicissitudo hey meen hey did u see im on for nearly fivve days noww

brackishbarracuda im proud tbh

vvicissitudo yeah? i feel accomplished

brackishbarracuda how long have I wanted u to interact w ppl istf

vvicissitudo i mean i wwouldn't call this accomplished but i feel that wway

brackishbarracuda I do shut up

brackishbarracuda don't actually shut up

vvicissitudo ahaha i lovve you i aint really TALKIN to people offerin idle comments maybe

brackishbarracuda it's a start

vvicissitudo yeah yeah it is am i uh doin good

brackishbarracuda you could stand to loosen up a bit

vvicissitudo yeah true but u kno me prickly af they gotta get thru the hard shell first

brackishbarracuda it helps when you give em half a chance

brackishbarracuda they aint gotta b best buds right off the bat u can b a casual friend

vvicissitudo u really think im bein TOO prickly

brackishbarracuda i just want u to have a chance to get out more clams

vvicissitudo i like wwhere im at

vvicissitudo besides most a these guys they aint gonna be here in six perigees

brackishbarracuda casual friendship enjoy em while it lasts get a decent conversation an if they dont come back oh well

vvicissitudo i guess so hmm but half a them aint replied to me or commented on my followw

brackishbarracuda so let it go and start another one later ppl got lives

brackishbarracuda whats up w u tho

vvicissitudo listenin to music up top lookin at the wavves s gonna rain not storm i think just rain

brackishbarracuda u wanna go for a swim when it starts

vvicissitudo shore its alwwavves nice

brackishbarracuda what uh

brackishbarracuda I mean we ain't talked reely much

vvicissitudo do wwe gotta?

brackishbarracuda and I got quads commin outta my ears

vvicissitudo ahaha that u do wwhat wwould wwe talk aboat me still feelin shitty ovver the other night? cause thats a thing

brackishbarracuda we aint gotta

vvicissitudo there aint much i feel that needs t be talked aboat

besides the wwhole thing ww... that.

i feel guilty

is it my fault?? wwhat can i do for that

but uh

other than that, nah. storms an rain an wwavves are good

talkin about that spill earlier tho got me itchy ZZ3B\

brackishbarracuda ive been takin deep breaths and movin em

vvicissitudo yeah

does that help

brackishbarracuda no

vvicissitudo tried pourin spring wwater dowwn my neck

felt nice but ddn't wwork

brackishbarracuda I just been tryin naut to think aboat it sometimes they ain't wanna open and I half panic for a second also it ain't ur fault also what do you think about the bouys 38/

vvicissitudo thats terrifyin to think aboat

noww i gotta open mine up an check em

ugh

wwhat you really think so?

an uh, wwhich bouys

brackishbarracuda yeah u didnt force her hand she fucked up an she shoulda been straight w him and i tried to fuckin tell her that but no an the clowns

vvicissitudo They're good. I aint too much talkin to em yet Tho uh.

Wwhich clowwns

brackishbarracuda clams the two im datin zee and arlequin

vvicissitudo I kno that... Just wwondered

Theres a lotta clowwns U kno i nevver paid much attention to em

brackishbarracuda would u

vvicissitudo Pay attention? Noww, yeah, I'm startin to

brackishbarracuda theyre good people

brackishbarracuda an i want u to be a part a all a my life vvicissitudo

i wwant to be part of it all a it i didn't followw any clowwns before an noww that i do

its hard

vvicissitudo i keep seein the text, the wways they talk an i see you happy an i feel bitter aboat me because you're my happiness u got a full house im glad for u

brackishbarracuda nearly anyway

vvicissitudo i just hate myshellf rn its nothin that

vvicissitudo its nothin to wworry aboat itll pass

brackishbarracuda i alwaves worry aboat you

vvicissitudo i hate wwhat loz did meen i hate it i think i'd rather havve just had one heartbreak to deal wwith i didn't evven get any closure i got to kiss him once i got to hold him as he fuckin died along wwith you an wwhere does that leavve me

vvicissitudo in limbo wwaitin wwonderin wwheres my makara wwheres my red wwheres the one wwhose gonna fill that hole an then i see ur makaras an i feel terrible cause i don't

vvicissitudo want to get to knoww them because i knoww ill just get hurt an i knoww they aint mine evven if i wwant them to be part of this family an its part a wwhat i posted aint no one talked to me last night i mentioned arlequin once in his owwn post

vvicissitudo that other captor  nevver replied to me evven after i said somethin that other ampora, the wwhiny one he liked posts datin back a wwhole swweep an pike a hundred posts besides im trying, i swwear for you but i dont my heart aint in it i dont i don't knoww wwhat to do here anymoray

brackishbarracuda you keep tryin

vvicissitudo been almost a wweek a godamn record that ivve been on doin social things

brackishbarracuda an im proud a u for it

vvicissitudo i got you thats al i got its all i wwant

brackishbarracuda an im tryin my damdest to help u change it

vvicissitudo i aint wwant to be hurt no more meen

vvicissitudo prince or princess charmin is comin to me this tide i wwanna knoww ur makaras but not ovver social media i wwanna knoww em wwhen they're ovver for tea or  sleepovvers or meetin the kids or meetin me

vvicissitudo it feels useless. *i* feel useless

brackishbarracuda you dont want to know where id b without you

vvicissitudo youd be sadder

vvicissitudo probubbly givven up by now

brackishbarracuda id be dead

vvicissitudo wwhat about ur cro

brackishbarracuda what the fuck about him

vvicissitudo wwould he havve found you or wwould you havve been dead beshore then

brackishbarracuda long fuckin before then

vvicissitudo wwhat wwould havve happened i can see u runnin urself into the ground

brackishbarracuda runnin myself into the ground bitin off more than i can chew gettin pissed and sad and naut havin a good enough reason to naut do stupid shit

brackishbarracuda every single tide you patched me up every single tide youve found me when i was low every tide you talked me outta somefin or made sure i was safe i mean fuck clams you saw what i looked like w/o u for a fuckin perigee

brackishbarracuda efin if id never met you you know how closed off i was how angry id have gotten into a fight i couldnt handle burned myself from the inside out

brackishbarracuda itd a been the oil clams

brackishbarracuda efin if naut literally cept thered b nobody to clean me up to carry me home to show me what the fuck home /was/

brackishbarracuda i wouldnt a had the kids oar you oar vis

brackishbarracuda you are fuckin necessary

vvicissitudo u wwouldn't havve evven had loz wwould u i i just realized that it wwas cause a me you met

vvicissitudo wwasn't it the first big thing wwas wwhen tavv tried to "help" me

brackishbarracuda i woulda had rez and fangs and they woulda left me and thats it

vvicissitudo yeah. wwhat about noww

brackishbarracuda i aint efin shore i woulda had sally

vvicissitudo pike are you happy noww

brackishbarracuda all i know is i aint happy w/o u

vvicissitudo awwww

brackishbarracuda youve literally saved my life so many dam tides mine and sallys and the wrigs does that sound useless to you

vvicissitudo you an the wwrigs are the only ones wwho seem to appreciate me yes, you're the only ones wwho count really an truly u remember wwhen u took me to that play

brackishbarracuda yeah

vvicissitudo an they stood in a roww an thanked us personally for comin i wwant that i wwant it all the tide i wwant people appreciatin me i tell people im wworkin on somethin to make helmsmens livves after the helm better i get "its impossible"

brackishbarracuda that aint a good example clams u kno how hard it is to accept good shit when it aint in your hand

vvicissitudo i tell people im a docterror an a chemical engineer an i get "so wwhat else do you do" i tell people im a reader a wwriter

vvicissitudo a pacifist an i get blank stares an topic changes i get fivve note threads on this hellsite an then nothin thats howw it alwavves goes

brackishbarracuda did u think for a minute that maybe ur just ten levels above everybody else an they aint kno how to talk aboat that shit

vvicissitudo i mention my name an people are pike "who" an i gotta say "eridan" before they realize an then they assume wwrongly a me i aint wwanna be smart if it means no one wwants to talk to me

brackishbarracuda ur doin good shit clams bc ur smart

brackishbarracuda bc a whats happened to u and who you are

vvicissitudo am i a good person

brackishbarracuda betta than me by a long shot

vvicissitudo wwhy i dont wwant to be better than u i wwant to be ur equal

brackishbarracuda then get me to where u are and dont u dare lower urself for anybody

vvicissitudo > You're stunned into silence for a bit.

brackishbarracuda i aint the best person in the world i aint that smart

brackishbarracuda im shit at p much anyfin that aint kissin somebody oar fightin em you aint

vvicissitudo or makin someone feel good aboat themselvves u do a damn good job of that

brackishbarracuda shut up for a second that aint the point

vvicissitudo im cryin AND laughin ill havve u knoww

brackishbarracuda good 3B* point is you deserve a crown more than i ever have

vvicissitudo wwhhat

brackishbarracuda you can patch ppl up and help people w real cod dam problems w real applications you kno history and all that shit you read you write you study ur in ur lab u work hard too hard but u aint a useless bump a log

vvicissitudo but you aint wwanna rule

brackishbarracuda do i look like i could manage anyfin close to rullin rn by myself

vvicissitudo that aint the point u don't WWANNA rule

vvicissitudo period do you??

brackishbarracuda why do you think i asked dirk to let me do political shit

vvicissitudo but wwas that because u foresaww this convversation or because you wwant to

brackishbarracuda its pike i told him im tired a runnin

vvicissitudo yeah?

brackishbarracuda yeah

brackishbarracuda idk wtf good is gonna come outta it but

vvicissitudo i can name good

vvicissitudo u bein by my side me being by ur side are you sure u wwanna do this last chance to back out u knoww

brackishbarracuda i aint got nofin to rule clams its kinda far from a last chance but yeah

vvicissitudo alright then

vvicissitudo so uh wwhat rule wwhat the wwhole planet?? this uh provvince, this continent, this bit of planet wwe call home i mean theres things wwe gotta think of

brackishbarracuda hb we just start w the bit were on yeah

vvicissitudo so wwe need to get scoutin parties together to see HOWW big it is an if anyone else livves on it an if anyone else livves on it then we gotta dispute

vvicissitudo buy their land rom em in exchange for goods or services a emperor aint bein servved hes servvin others pike wwe provvide food or electricity an they trade us

brackishbarracuda clams calm down

vvicissitudo ideally rn wwe feed their family/take care a their land in exchange for their servvices in helpin us scout out- wwhat oh

brackishbarracuda do u kno how many tides i had to retype clams calm bc lemme tell u

vvicissitudo uh oops

brackishbarracuda too much at once aight lets just

brackishbarracuda keep our shit to ourselves baby steps yeah

vvicissitudo babysteps yeah ideally this thing wwe livve on is only an island otherwwise wwe got barriers to wworry about pike cae said

brackishbarracuda either plan on defendin what u got or be ready to run right i aint runnin

vvicissitudo i lovve u <>

vvicissitudo u an ur beautiful soul

brackishbarracuda i love you too

brackishbarracuda <> <><><><><><><><><><><> aight im done im good thats outta my system

vvicissitudo thank you for listenin

brackishbarracuda you aint quaded to me for my looks 3B*

vvicissitudo damn right im quadded to u because of u

[mybumpbirthandbeyond]

Operation Abs of Steel

It’s crazy to think I’m at this point already. I genuinely feel like I’ve blinked and I’m back at the start again. Only this time is so different; this time, I am informed; I have the most incredible team in place already so I’ll be seen so much quicker; and I know what’s to come.

I have probably thought about the first two in person consults since falling pregnant. The first two being my first with Lyndsey, and my first with Gráinne. They are the official starting point for rehab this time around, and will tell me exactly what my separation looks like after a second pregnancy. This is the comparison point for any progress up to the date I have surgery. These will be the hardest hitting – the reality check of how far I have to go and how hard I will have to work. This is the start of an even longer road….

Prior to any consults, I wanted to get started. Most people are probably getting the measure of me by now: I don’t like to sit and do nothing and I like to work hard. The fact that I felt so much better more quickly this time, just increased that desire. I had been in touch with Lorna from Ur Mama Strength (I had done her classes until I was about 35 weeks pregnant). She kindly sent me the postpartum guide she sends all her pregnant women which gave a guide for things like connective breath work, walking and mobility for the first 6 weeks postpartum. I did that as well incorporating some of the stuff I had been doing right up until the week before I had Emily from prehab and of course, my pelvic floor exercises.

The checklist of things that physios look for was in the back of my head when I started. First of all, could I properly carry out the connective breathing and was there any sign of rib flare? I never had rib flare last time and I certainly didn’t pick that out this time either. The appearance of my tummy in general was awful when breathing – wrinkly skin just like an elephant, mind of its’ own, loose skin that is paper thin. Aesthetically, this definitely appears worse this time. I knew I would have to do a self-assessment at some stage and I was pretty nervous about that. I knew it was bad and probably as bad as last time, but the thought of finding out how bad, somehow made me apprehensive.

My hand continued to sink and sink telling me there was little to no tension. I had to use two hands to measure the gap between the rectus muscles and even that wasn’t enough. It seemed to be about 11 fw + at the widest point at rest. This is more or less exactly like last time – the only difference was I didn’t self-assess last time. Knowing that, I had a bit of wobble starting exercises again. Staring at the same ceiling I had for the best part of a year before I fell pregnant, but knowing I was back lying on my back really overwhelmed me. Knowing how long it took, and how much hard work I put in to get to where I was, it was pretty difficult to imagine being able to do that again, starting from scratch. But I shook it off. What made me progress last time to the point that I did? Not sitting around feeling sorry for myself that’s for sure (though I allowed myself that once or twice on the really bad days). It was gritty determination, competitiveness, stubbornness, and unwavering resolve that got me to where I needed to be. I couldn’t change that about me if I tried so there’s no way I won’t get back to where I was, if not even further.

Prior to my first in person consult, I had a virtual consult with the team. This was actually scheduled for the week I had Emily, thinking it would be my last one before the baby was born. When she arrived early, we decided to push it a few weeks. We ended up looking at a few things. I’m not entirely sure what they expected to see, but one of the exercises was one Antony said many people would be shocked by at 2.5 weeks postpartum. I struggled to see what was shocking about it – without meaning it in a boastful way, it felt easy. The good news was the initial signs were promising – I was clearly managing to generate tension and control the pressure well considering where I was at. We booked in my next consult for after my appointment with Lyndsey.

In the lead up to my appointment with Lyndsey, I started to test my ability to manage the pressure based on what I had done in the virtual consult. Headlifts felt fine and I also did a few more challenging things like birddog and introducing resistance to some of the exercises. Most of the time I could see the exercises were manageable. Birddog was a funny one – it felt like there was lots of pressure, but it didn’t feel that different to being in standing. It was pretty hard to feel and do the exercise at the same time so I got my husband to check – by this point he’s about as knowledgeable as I am! (though I still have the edge 😉) We agreed that gravity didn’t help and it was likely any additional pressure was not doming, but the weight of my organs falling forward. One of the many things I have learned from my physios is the pressure is visible when I am just standing doing nothing – that’s why my tummy protrudes. If that’s the case, if there is little to no change when doing more challenging core exercises, what’s to stop me from doing those exercises? I can’t prevent or stop the pressure when standing or sitting down, so what’s the difference?

It’s lessons like that that have made the world of difference to how I view this journey. I have learned so much already, and despite not knowing a thing last time, I wouldn’t have risked trying anything until I was seen by someone who was qualified to tell me. This time, I know enough to try things myself without bothering my physios for a simple yes or no.

My appointment with Lyndsey felt like an exam day in some ways. I had this nervous apprehension and kept clock watching until the appointment time. Don’t get me wrong, I am excited to see what happens as time goes on, but as I said, the first appointments will be the hardest. I think my experience of being asked when I was due the previous day hadn’t helped. You feel ashamed, self-conscious and like crap to put it bluntly. It knocks your confidence and just demonstrates how much work there is to do.

I had been really worried about prolapse this time around. There’s something about being blissfully ignorant that can be comforting. The fact that I see posts on prolapse all the time and how your chances increase the more children you have, did not help. That’s probably a positive indication of how much more readily available this information now is on social media. My birth was very lucky in that I only grazed this time instead of needing another episiotomy so it had made a lot of difference, but there was still an initial heavy feeling for the first few weeks. I had stopped bleeding earlier than I had with Cailean, but I’m pretty certain I’ve already had a cycle as I started bleeding again almost as soon as it had stopped. Us females are so lucky….🙄🤦🏽‍♀️

I had been doing my pelvic floor exercises as I said, but I was still a bit worried when it came to the pelvic floor check. It’s so integral to the core and what will be my rehab, that it was important to know exactly what was going on. Thankfully it was good news – good contraction and release, no damage to the muscle and no indication of any prolapse. My endurance could be better, but I’ll build that back up again, just like I did last time.

The tummy assessment was unsurprising. 11fw + was what Lyndsey also found at rest. Tension was awful as her hand also sank down to my bowel. On contraction when I did a crunch, above the belly button was 4 fw, at the belly button was 8 fw and below was 6 fw. Lyndsey had the impression my tummy looked better in standing but we both agreed there was next to no elasticity in the skin, particularly above my waistband and below my belly button. As Lyndsey pointed out, this could get worse as we improve the tummy itself and the only way this will be fixed will be when I have surgery.

I was asked to fill out the outcome measures as a mark of where I’m at mentally. I have been filling in two regularly for Gráinne, but by the time I’m finished, I wouldn’t be surprised if there wasn’t a single pelvic health outcome measure that I haven’t completed!!

We were then able to go into the hospital gym to try out some exercises. Lyndsey had spoken to Gráinne and they had come up with a plan. It once again dawned on me how lucky I am – how many people do you hear of who end up with a team of physios all more than willing to collaborate and work together in your best interests? Unbelievable.

The basic exercises all have their place, but as I’ve said before, they are the ones I hate – they make me feel incapable and like I’m really weak. I expected to do progressions of these – such as introducing resistance to the likes of clams or glute bridges. The fact I was able to do things like birddog with resistance, bear holds and lunges with theraband was a pleasant surprise – I was starting at a further point than last time. To me, that indicates things will hopefully move quicker, and I will progress sooner, which is everything I hoped for this time around. The reigns are firmly on at this point so I’m only to do rehab 3 - 4 times per week, but I expected that. Plus, it’s harder to fit in with two kids so probably not a bad thing!

I came out of the appointment with my confidence back. It’s amazing what seeing someone in person and being able to try things out while being assessed does for your mindset. I had taken being in person consults for granted. I think the toll my second pregnancy had taken on me mentally during lockdown and the fact I had only been seen twice in person throughout the entire duration had also played a part. Don’t get me wrong, I have made great progress through previous virtual appointments, but when you’re dealing with something physical, there is no substitute for someone being able to put their hands on you.

Getting started was one of the most important things to me. The apprehension of not knowing what the diagnosis was and where I would be rehab wise, was only going to be counteracted by the fact I would be back in control once I got started. I am the master of my own fate now – the progress will be dependent on me putting in the work. As I’ve said before, this is what I thrive on – the pressure I put on myself to succeed and the fact I will work harder than ever to ensure that I do. The goals I have set this time around are ambitious and will be challenging, but I have plenty of time and to be honest, I need a challenge to remain focused. Rehab 2.0/Operation Abs of Steel starts now.

[adventuresoffiresky-blog]

10 Under 21 Entrepreneurs to Watch!

10 UNDER 21 ENTREPRENEURS TO WATCH

Xavier Waye/Savior Publishing, LLC 

www.xavierwaye.com

At the tender age of 9, Xavier Waye developed his 5-part book series, “The Adventures of Firesky.” The book is based on the untold story of King Tutankhamun and his true heir a daughter named Raven. With the support of his parents Xavier not only decided to publish the story for the world to read, he also created his own publishing company , Savior Publishing.  Having broken records as both an author and the only African American CEO under the age of 18 to own and operate a publishing company Xavier is someone to watch!

Princess Kennedy/Princess My Way, LLC 

www.princessmyway.com

Kennedy is 7 years old and the Creator and Chief Creative Director of Princess My Way. The company is focused on making girls feel good about themselves, which make them princesses. Princess Kennedy provides a pledge to her customers and audience on her social media channels to help them remember what a Princess truly is, her pledge goes: “ I Dream My Way, I Slay All Day, I Cry, but Its Ok, I’m true to me because I’m a Princess My Way.  Princess My Way sells Bracelets and Charms called the “Journey Bracelet-which helps girls embrace their journey,  a line of empowering T-Shirts called “My Tees,” and handbags called “My Way” which are eco-friendly and unlike any other handbag on the market. Along with her produce line she has also taken on the #Me Too movement with a solution which came as an answer to Oprah Winfrey called “Starting Now.” This enterprising innovator is definitely someone to watch!

Alina Morse/Zollipops

https://zollipops.com/our-story/

Alina desperately wanted to accept a lollipop from a bank teller, but her Dad told her no. She asked her dad, ”Why can’t we make lollipops that are actually good for your teeth?” In 2014 Alina and her dad’s infectious confections hit stores as a vegan, organic, smart and yummy candy. Alina’s candy’s are hitting stores around the world and look to be around for many, many years. This young entrepreneur has the time to create so many more tasty treats and become a major staple in the multi-billion dollar candy and sweets industry. Ms. Morse is definitely an entrepreneur to watch! 

Moziah Bridges/Mo’s Bows

https://mosbowsmemphis.com/pages/store-categories

Mo’s Bows came about because Moziah Bridges needed something to help himself look sharp, as his young age, and he could not find anything on the market for him. So he created his only line of bow ties. After his appearance on “Shark Tank” in 2013 he hit fashion mentor gold with Daymond John, the creator of the clothing business FUBU. Daymond took on the young fashion icon and developed the brand which is on its way to be a cultural phenomenon like FUBU. Moziah Bridges looks to attend college and study fashion design after he graduates from high school in 2020. This is definitely an entrepreneur to watch!

Zandra Cunningham/Zandra Beauty

https://zandrabeauty.com/pages/about-us

At the tender age of 9, this budding beauty icon found a need and filled it after her dad told her he would not buy her the lip balm she wanted. Zandra went online and learned how to make her own lip gloss and whipped shea body butter. She started selling her products at local farmers markets in 2010. Since then her products were picked up by Costcos nationwide. Zandra also sells broader line of beauty products and donates 10% of her profits to girls education programs. Watch this up and coming beauty icon take over the natural beauty market. 

Mikaila Ulmer/Me & the Bees Lemonade

https://www.meandthebees.com/pages/about-us

When young Mikaila was four years old she got stung by a bee. Instead of trying to kills all bees that could sting her in the future she started finding out how she could save Bees because of what they do for our earth and environment. At the ag of 9 she started making her grannie flaxseed lemonade and now her brand is selling in Whole Foods Markets around the country. Now 13 Mikaila continues to support efforts to save the bees. Mikaila is one to watch because her efforts will help save our planet while she is dominating the natural beverages industry. 

Shubham Banerjee/Braigo Labs

https://www.braigolabs.com/#aboutus

In 2014 Shubham Banerjee created Braigo Labs, Inc. which develops humanely optimized technologies. They created an open source DIY Braille printer using LEGO, the first light-weight portable, almost silent, IOT/Cloud enabled Braille printer. This incredible innovation by a 12 year old has been recognized by numerous investors and young Banerjee has received the 2016 Edison Innovation award “The Tommy.” The products the companies is developing at the hand of this young innovator is definitely an industry trendsetter to watch. 

  Cory Nieves/Mr. Cory’s Cookies

https://mrcoryscookies.com/pages/our-story

At the tender age of 6 Cory, the son of a single mother, was tired of taking the bus. He took the matter into his own hands and decided he was on a mission to raise money for his mother to buy a car. His mother inspired Cory to raise money so that he could go to college. Cory created the perfect chocolate chip cookie from all natural products and birthed Mr Cory’s Cookies. He sells his cookies online and on his way to not  only paying his way through college he has built a solid customer base and product that will continue well after he is a college graduate. 

  Logan Guleff/Winner of Masterchef Junior 2 & Logan’s Rubs

http://orderupwithlogan.blogspot.com/

Logan Guleff is already an incredible Chef at the age of 14 and the creator of his own line of food products beginning with Logan’s Rubs. Logan received the best advice in the cooking world from famed Celebrity MasterChef Gordon Ramsay “Find your own standard of excellence and stick to it.” With this amazing advice and incredible cooking skills most adults would envy Logan is on his way to being one of the chef’s that will warm our hearts and fill our tummies in the future. 

  Isabella Dyamalovski/Luv Ur Skin

https://www.luvurskin.com.au/blogs/news/from-idea-to-world-class-product-15-year-old-isabella-brings-her-business-to-life

At the age of 14 Isabella was the youngest contestant on Shark Tank Australia. She developed her own line of natural skin care products for young girls. She found that there were skin regiment products for adults but not many for young girls. Her mother had her work with chemists to create the best recipe and now luvurskin is one of the best tested and positively ranked natural skin care products available. This is a beauty innovator to watch!

[cohesionarts]

This just in from Cohesion Arts

New Post has been published on http://cohesionarts.com/2017/10/09/dispatches-day-8/

Dispatches from the Outskirts of Facebookistan - Day 8

As a few friends and followers (fans?) have observed, for the past week I’ve been making a concerted effort to avoid Facebook.

This divergence from my usual routine (a word I use loosely) started last Monday, when I awoke to the news of the massacre in Las Vegas and immediately – impulsively – went to gauge the public reaction on Facebook. I pretty much knew what to expect once I got there: the same righteous indignation I found after the last such event – and the one before that and the one before that etc. etc. ad infinitum ad nauseaum.

But this time my reaction surprised me. This time, it wasn’t the triggering event that repulsed me so much as the boilerplate reactions that scrolled by on in my “news” feed. This time, something about the futility of the whole experience – not just the event but the predictable responses to it – resonated in a way that was vaguely unfamiliar. I’d seen it all before, but this time I really found myself wondering what was the point of seeing it all again?

That’s when I started “pushing in the stops.” I resolved to get some kind of handle on this digital beast, this virtual narcotic that I puff on like I used to smoke pot all day (from 1969 to 1987).

I started by removing the permanent “pin tab” for Facebook in my laptop browser, then I deleted the Facebook app from my phone.

Removing the pinned browser tab means that Facebook is not lurking in a tab at the top of my browser window when I am trying to do other things on my computer (which is pretty much where I do everything). Removing the permanently pinned tab means that an effort is now required to open Facebook on my laptop. Yes, it’s a minor effort, but it’s more of an effort than simply clicking a tab. Now I actually have to open a new tab and type. But – no surprise here – as soon as I type the letter “f”, the browser auto-fills with “facebook.com” and off I go into the oblivion of the Infinite Random Trivia Generator.

The bigger change was deleting the Facebook app altogether from my iPhone. I had come in recent weeks to be painfully aware of the extent that I would punch the blue “f” icon on my iPhone and then just vacantly scroll through whatever the display had to offer. The only way to stop that was to remove the app.

That was Monday. The following Friday was the first day I woke up and did not feel the impulse to start my day perusing Facebook.

*

One thing that these behavior patterns seem to be telling me is that I am at a vacant place in my life right now. I seem to be seeking some kind of solace and gratification from the other side of this digital mirror.

I know that these habits are not mine alone. As this recent item from Wired observes,

“It’s a dirty digital habit, and it doesn’t make me happy. Maybe you can relate. Studies have repeatedly found that while social media connects us to one another, it also makes us feel bad. And yet, we do it anyway. We do it because we can’t stop.”

Or, from another item in Wired: 

43% of smartphone users check their phone within five minutes of waking up.

That presumably includes a very high percentage of Facebook checkers.

Count me in that number.

I suspect the pattern is fairly common: I post something or comment on something somebody else has posted. Then it’s only a couple of minutes – maybe less! – before I return to see if anybody has noticed how witty and profound (or just profane) I have been.

That is a habit not unlike taking a hit of pot, or a swig of whisky – getting the buzz, and then needing another one within minutes. Where alcohol and drugs are concerned, habits like that have finally come to be recognized as symptomatic of a disease. How is it any different with a “virtual drug” like Facebook? Indeed, I have too-often compared the “Facebook Habit” to “the way I felt about Scotch and Vodka in the months before I finally quit drinking…”.

I hope last Monday was the day I finally put the pipe down.

*

As well as I can tell from inside my own damn head, I’m facing two issues: obsession and fragmentation.

The obsession is with the medium itself.  I am referring here to that nagging impulse to scroll. To punch an icon and and scroll scroll scroll until… what?  Like there is some pot at the end of the rainbow or a rabbit at the bottom of the hole?  There is something primal going on here: the relentless need to fill some kind of vacuum, to fill an inner void, like rats in a digital cage poking for pellets. My life feels hollow, let me see if I can fill it up with… Facebook??

The notion is absurd on its face but nevertheless obsessively present. It grabs me all day long. Like when I’m driving, and I come to a stop light. I’ve got a minute, why don’t I punch the phone (which is mounted on my dashboard) and scroll Facebook? Look! Notifications! That will surely give me something that will fill this momentary pause in my info-continuum.

I listen to a lot of podcasts and books when I’m in the car. That might be the best-spent hour of every day (an hour to and from my job). But even with all that meaningful input, when the car comes to a stop, I am instantly possessed with the need to do something else, to find another form of input. To punch and scroll.

Perhaps more important than that finger-to-screen obsession, I’m observing the fragmentation that activity produces in my own thought processes. The loss of concentration. The inability to focus. And I don’t think it’s just because my brain is in its seventh decade of continuous operation.

To the contrary, I think the Internet has destroyed my brain. I’ve been online since 1979, but almost constantly since wireless broadband was introduced at the start of this century. That’s 20 years of jumping from one thing to another all day long. As Nicholas Carr wrote in “The Shallows,” the medium has rewired my brain.

So instead of posting pithy links (#TMITM!) and snarky comments on Facebook, I’ve started using a new app called “Day One” – a journaling app suggested by friend Mike Lovett. Mike suggested “keep Day One open on one half of your screen, and when you see something on the web that you want to post on Facebook, or a post on Facebook that you want to comment on, put those links and comments in Day One. At the end of the day (or week), round up the most pertinent and worthy stuff and put it all in a post on your own website.”

Which is exactly what I’ve done here. Much of what I’ve just posted was gathered through the week. Some of it by dictating short snippets to Day One via the app on my Apple Watch – boy, that’s a real game changer!

Once I’ve assembled a post for CohesionArts.com (like this one), my WordPress installation automatically posts a link to my Facebook Profile and Page. Hence the notion of “lobbing it over the wall into Facebookistan.  

Otherwise, during uring the day, I have made a concerted effort to limit myself to the occasional “guerrilla strike” into the forbidden zone. Like this afternoon – while I was in a parking lot –  I got an email notifying me that my sister had mentioned me in a comment. So I opened Facebook on my iPad to see what the comment was. I clicked “like” on the comment. Then I went to the grocery store.

I don’t think that I can escape Facebookistan altogether, any more than I  expect that I will ever get my “old brain” back. But I do think that I have to make a concerted effort to figure out how this “new brain” works for me, and I’m not going to do that by impulsively, relentlessly, scrolling through the Infinite Random Trivia Generator.

In the meantime, old habits die hard.

Now then…. any notifications??

[hopingforfreedomtt-blog]

An open letter to my ex husband

You might have think this is going to be a letter of regret, of wanting someone back. If you're to find a lovey dovey message then you're at the wrong page. This is just so I can release all my stress as i go through a very frustrating time in my life. To ex, Its been 2 years since I decided to let you go. Upto now you still think its not a good idea but for me it is. Yes it is for me to protect myself but it is also for you, I set you free cause obviously I was never enough for you. When we were just dating, we had the time of our lives. We were so inlove to the point its hard to imagine someone can actually fall in love this way. Our relationship was never easy. We met each other at a foreign country. We were both there for work. You searched for me on social media when I went back to my country. Thats how all it started. At first, I was indoubt of your true intentions but later on I was convinced and follow what my heart says.... Now I realized, I should have followed my doubts back then. Things were rough at the beggining as we both need to travel for work and whenever we try and meet each other, fate seems to play its game on us and we never get to meet... i should have known that it was telling me that this is not meant to be. You said you wanted to marry me, I was thrilled... but the again we were always on LDR and marriage was in reality out of the picture back then but I stayed true as a girlfriend and stay loyal to you, care for you, love you and prayed for your safety all the time. Then.... 1st incident; I found out I was not the only woman you promised marriage... yahoo was still alive then. We had each others account but it seems like with so many women you flirt online and do virtual sex with you kind of forget to delete some of them. I get to talk to one of your casual virtual sex partner and a girlfriend you also promised marriage with. It was painful... I felt like a fool believing in everything you said... i stop talking to you but you didnt stop reaching out to me and to my friends to tell me how sorry you were. After a months... i was stupid enough to let you in again... We decided to put the past behind and start over. It was painful but you have your ways with words that I get to start trusting you again.. also after watching a movie about wars and gunfires... you're the first thing that came to my mind and imagining you dying crushed my heart into pieces... so i was like.. what is 1 mistake... i cant even imagine my life without you... so i gave in completely and loved you dearly as if it was the first time. You went down to my workplace and propose.. We were the happiest! Then we got married. I went back to my country and again we had to be on LDR as we need to fix a visa for me to go to your country. Being married to you was the happiest moment in my life back then. We had our ups and downs but we still get to win it, cause were on this together. You said you will start filling for a visa so we can be together for good. I was delighted and anxious at the same time. But i was willing to leave my home country to be with you and support your career. A few months in the marriage you started to change... you became way too strict to me. You wont allow me to work while waiting for our visa. I had to ask permission for me to see friends. You will let me after an hour of deliberation but i had a curfew and you call me almost every 30 to an hour to ask me what time will i go home. I got frustrated but then I tried to understand you cause ur at war and maybe you were frustrated stressed and tired. I had to work i cant be depending on ur support all the time so i tried some jobs online, luckily i got one and it was easier for me to move around and had money for requirements for the visa... but suddenly the visa talks went shorter to barely even there... everytime i asked you for a case number you always say ull give it later. You made me collect requirements and even message the embassy for updates... then you admitted there was never a visa... you didnt applied for one... but thats not enough... Incident 2; i read a conversation between you and a girl from your hometown (u were back to ur country already but on a different location for work). You address her as honey. Your conversations were way too romantic for friends.. you were even to visit her by november that year.. i was shocked! I felt betrayed.. we were not even a year married and youre already cheating. I ignored you for a while and you were frustrated that i wont talk to you. You were worried that i might leave you... you keep bugging me without even thinking i was hurt and i need time to process everything. A lot of stuff came to mind. What if i didnt caught you? What kind of excuse will you give so you can see your mistress? Why are you doing this to me? Why did you marry me if you cant stay loyal to me. I was hurt devasted and crushed but here you are blaming the distance as the reason for your cheating... but who made this situation worst? You would have actually started processing the visa then this whole thing would have been fixed. We talked it over, i spoke to your family and your aunt was apologetic.. and here I am again started to give you another chance... but it was not smooth... cause i cant help but feel betrayed.... Then you were assigned overseas again (2 yrs of marriage). You said we will get a visa so i can get there... this time im not sure if i should trust you again or not... it took a good 1 yr again to start doing something... cause i had to push you through it! Then i started to question you and this whole marriage why is this person not even pushing an effort for us to be together for good? Was he ok with just visiting me for a good 10 days to 3 weeks in my country? I started to feel that i was nothing but you overseas sextoy... your foreign legal fuck buddy... it was painful. Then again, i am also to blame for this... cause i let you slide all the time.. the visa we applied going to the foreign country you were assigned to was denied i cried badly. A lot of friends were telling me to push you and re-apply cause the embassy will consider because of your job. But it seems like ur not even bothered by it and you said lets wait till you get back home. A year has passed and your back home. But you decided you want to quit your job and look for something else to do. Maybe go to school or apply somewhere else. I was skeptikal but i supported your decision... you stayed for another year at your old job before you quit and went to be with me here in my country for a good 3 months! It was great but slowly i get to see how your shady... i was already doubting something was going on.. your on ur phone and wont put it down.. you bring it to you wherever you go and i react when i try and hold it maybe just to check time. I knew something was up but i brushed it off cause i dont want to cause a scene in front of my family. One time I was doing something and i need to check time saw ur phone and touch it.. it didnt open... i was thinking.. maybe it neefs charging i lift it up and plug it in... it was oddly light.. and i was like... no way... i opened it and found out the battery was not there... boy and to my surprise... i went down and u were playing video games with my brother and saw a battery shaped thing in ur pocket... yup... you removed it... you notice that i caught u and followed me when i went back upstairs... i was crying... cause i cant help but feel u were hiding something from me... then after an hour of whatever magical thing you need to do with your phone... you gave it to me and told me i can check it... i didnt... cause obviously you removed stuff already. You said there are things that are classified there and no one should know.. well maybe it was about your old job.. so i just brush it off. You went back to your country. You started doing small jobs.. i was there for you.. i even supported you and sent you small cash when you were short.. none of the stuff worked out for you so you return to your old job.. and the visa talks? Yup you lied about too many times, making me call and email the immigration office for a non existent visa.. thats when i started to lose interest to everything. To your lies to you shennanigans... everything. I focused myself with work and was recognized on my field. You notice the change in me. It seems like you realized that you cant fool me with your lies anymore. We had a huge fight! Cause of you lying about the visa. I called you out to your family. Told them all your lies... your cheating everything. They were again apologetic and took action and helped you with the visa application... this time it was for real.. We were almost there! All files were submitted and were just waiting for my initial interview... but something came up again. It seems like being a manwhore is you specialty. I caught you again, this time trying to flirt with your ex saying;; What if we end up together and stuff like that... But you slapped back *nice one ex* cause ur ex replied to you with No its all in the past and were married now! But that was not it! You also had a girl from a california... an immigrant and with the same nationality as me... from that day on.. i felt like i was splahed by a whole bucket of ice cold water.. you were furious.. and on panic.. you dont want me to go.. but you didnt realize that you already did the moment u decided to flirt with someone else.. with much timing... we got a message from the embassy.. my visa was about to cross the 2nd to the last final step.. i got an interview.. but i was too numb already to even bother. You try to sweet talk me with the visa. Saying that we cant back out now that were almost there.. how can those words come out from you after cheating with me? All this happen a week after my birthday... i asked for time to think you gave it to me... i was to numb and hurt to think but one thing im sure about is that if i let this go again.. i will lose respect for myself and i will feel miserable for the rest of my life so i did what you thought i will never ever do... i let go of the marriage and asked for a divorce. You were so mad! Your family was shocked. I told them what happened and showed them proof. They were again apologetic and told me to atleast think things through. They even offered me a 2 way ticket just incase i came there but it still wont work... but im over it already. I cant look at you the same way again.. You tried to talk it out to me. You said how much we worked about it. And how this can also benefit me as there are a lot of job opportunities.. but it seems like you forgot the reason why we are doing the visa. Its for us to be together.. but i cant be with you anymore. Then suddenly you posted how excited you are for new adventures being single~ yeah right... You bug me for months everyday still hoping ill come back but that was already out of the picture. All i wanted was a sorry but instead of apologizing. You blame me for everything... just when im about to think it over again i caught you seeing someone else and flirting on social media while trying to win me back. I call you out for it and this is the magical line you said. "Its nothing but i will throw it all away just for you to comeback" Thats the biggest insult youve given me the whole separation process. Thats when i said having my communication with you is a waste of time so i blocked you entirely and ignore your emails. A year has passed and i feel like something was missing... right, the divorce. I needed that cause i do wish to move on with my life and i get irritated using your last name on all important stuff and papers i need to sign. I contacted you to ask maybe if we can work on the divorce... but you tried and sweet talk me again on how much you wanted me back and try to win me over.. but i am no longer the weak wife you used to know. I know what my business and that was just a divorce and nothing else. You start giving me excuses, you said u were busy, was assigned to another country.. you asked for time and i gave it to you... then a concern friend found out that you are already seeing a new girl an hour away from my country... yup you insulted me one more time.. winning me back when ur already seeing someone else. Also another reason u didnt file the divorce was for money ur getting being married to me. Amazing right? Friends were getting furious and they cant take ur bullshit anymore so they messaged ur new girl and asked her to talk to you about our divorce. But you denied her all the time when she was all proud saying she knows our situation and u explained that ur getting a divorce. Yup you made your girl a mistress... same old classy dumpshit you are. So yeah i had enough and reported you. You were upset you said i am decided to destroy you... that all i wanted was money.. it seems like you forgot that im not like you.. im not a trash i wouldnt bother doing all this shit for a few dollars. You can have it all yourself and spend it to your girls for all i care i just want my divorce... freedom, away from you. Its been 2 yrs again so a total of 7 yrs wasted being married to you and living under your last name. Im not asking for anything... i didnt bother you didnt chase you for anything. I didnt cause a scene, didnt messaged all your mistresses when we were still married. I didnt post all ur bullshit on social media.. i even made you anounymous here.. be a man and atleast do whats right for the last time. Dont be unfair to your girl... and to the 3 of us.. let me go please legally. I posted our story for you to somehow remember that we had great times... can you please be a man for old times sake?