#its actually a really nice wig for what i paid for it though

[hauntedpotat]

I bought a 40" wig and I just got it and tried it on and DAMN! THIS SHITS LONG! that's literally the point but STILL!! DAMNN

[eightyonebatsinatrenchcoat]

Skeletour birmingham

Literally just got back from the birmingham ritual and want to get this all out while it is still fresh in my mind, spoilers below the cut

This is just going to be a collection of very disjointed thoughts

First - the only negative - getting into the venue was a nightmare, which is not a surprise since all the previous shows have reported the same thing. We were literally just getting to our seats as the show was supposed to start and they had to delay it half an hour because like 2/3 of the crowd was still waiting to get in

I don’t know what it’s going to be like in other counties since this seemed like a venue issue but since its consistent across shows I’d recommend getting there early just in case

Anyway onto the actually good stuff

I love the new papa - I do agree with the others so far that he still seems to be finding himself but he was fun - he definitely wasn’t super chatty but I wouldn’t call him shy - maybe thats going to develop over the tour idk. His voice is sort of half way between copia and terzo - very nice

They also had close up footage on the screens beside the stage and can confirm a) that is 100% a wig b) he has sideburns. From a distance they blend into the makeup but on the screens he clearly had big sideburns. They’re curly. (The hair not the shape lmao)

After the first couple songs he asked us to be gentle with him (as with the other shows). One section very clearly said no and he told them off and turned to the other side of the crowd and asked again and they said yes and he praised us and then told us both sides would have to ‘fight it out in the parking lot’ after the show

I was sitting towards the front right so i had a pretty good view of the new ghoulette - she seems very cute and was having a lot of fun with the bat wing costumes

I coukdnt see the others on the podiums super well in the first songs because of the smoke machines but every time i caught a glance of swiss he was fully just 🧍‍♂️ lmao - with the exception of kiss the go-goat where swiss was truly Feeling Himself (so much hip movement, lots of hands running over himself)

There was a fun section while papa was off stage of phantom just getting to play with the crowd

Like with london they swapped out from the pinnacle to the pit with faith - love that i got to hear faith live but crushed to have missed pinnacle i would’ve swapped out majesty instead. But majesty did look cool - papa was floating way above the stage for the whole song

After the london show i saw some people saying dew had to be helped off stage - tonight he was wearing a brace on his foot and at the top of ritual papa introduced him as ‘an injured ghoul’. Apparently he has a broken foot (no info on how) but he seemed well enough to play even if he didn’t move around too much during the set

Despite satanized being a new song it was one of the loudest from the crowd - I can definitely see it becoming a staple

For one of the new songs, umbra, papa came up out of a trapdoor holding a cowbell above his head like a trophy and showed it off to the audience then had to sprint across stage to give it to swiss on time for the song

When cirrus was returning to her podium after her mummy dust solo she nearly crashed into phantom - she played it off as a skip but for a moment i thought they were both going to go down THEN while papa was giving an intro speech to monstrance clock phantom crashed into rain who caught and comforted him. Phantom is a safety hazard to all ghouls

Before kiss the go-goat, instead if saying ‘this is a song my papa used to sing’ he said ‘this is a song my daddy used to sing’ in a very cute voice perpetua daddy’s boy confirmed

I’ve also never really paid much attention to the backing vocals during that song but the ghoulettes sounded incredible during it (though cumulus is sadly missed)

No shimmies during dance macabre but papa did join swiss up on his podium to dance

The whole thing was incredible - this was my first ritual and I cannot express how electric hearing square hammer live for the first time was - my legs were shaking as i was leaving the venue

My mind is blanking right now it was all so much if I think of anything else I’ll add it

[fluffyseal322]

Fri Nov 1

~ My favorite month <3

Oct 31st, halloween.... i didnt plan to do anything but im glad i took this opportunity to do what I wanted and Ive gained experience. Ive made connections, ive processed the info properly. My brain was a wonderful place to be and i enjoyed every journey it took me on.

My halloween celebration started off with...... going trick or treating with my mom and nala. I only wanted to so that I could spend time with my mom and she enjoyed it. Even though nala kept pulling her and it was scaring me. I woke up with a headache but after I went back home after all that, it got super worse.. Along with the tight wig and itchy costume T-T.... I could not think. I didnt know what i need or what i was doing i just thought about, "ugh i need to get away... idk wat from but i NEED to get away." and so i did... with no thought. So fast forward past the back and fourth, repetitive actions from my headache and ADHD, i finally came to my senses and i ended up at leaderboard. I sat there, backed turned to a line of pinball machines, my face against the dark window. And i waited ...... i waited until my friend that i have never mentioned before, Emily, came to leaderboard. I watched the guy though the reflection of the dark see though glass. I only saw most of his silhouette and i knew he was going to try to talk to me. If i could replay it in my head it would look like a Sim visually thinking. I dont remember what he said but i ended up learning how to play pinball and actually finding it fun for a little bit... and then it became too easy. i got bored. I introduced him to some games that I liked and he paid for one of my games. Im grateful for his act of kindness, it really took me out of a negative tired mood after i had a bad couple of instances before then.

Fast forward.... 3 new people showed up, other than me, Emi, and Xavi. We all planned to go to an abandoned building.... How eventful my night has become ever since.... i smoked a little.. a little as in one small puff from a SKINNY joint. it did help with my fears and anxiety. I could have calmed myself by myself with no helpful drugs but it just made it easier for me. along with calming music. i wouldnt know what id do without my headphones that night. Jimmy.... hes probably the main one in todays writing session. everyone else left the room that i was in and found a spot to sit in a little corner next to a small window. it was a nice little spot. but i found comfort in the area with multiple open windows. it was like a small part of a castle with all the windows open. jimmy spotted me and decided to make small talk with me... he leaned against the window i leaned up against. and he touched my arm. it was nice, but then i remembered how men really think. so i scootched away. i wish i could be comfy with men but unfortunatly from my previous experiences, ive learned that you can never be too safe in the beginning, unless ur aware and open to "it" (it being the gross things that run through a man's mind) and their masculine instincts. if you dont with that person then its okay to leave your guard down. but anyways, after a couple minutes of small talk with jimmy. he asked me "what's your story?" i was surprised. he surprised me twice that night. first being the first thing he says when he saw me was "youre short" lol. but i made him answer his story first because i was genuinly curious. he had a speech impairment so im curious if that influenced his life greatly. ive come to an educated conclusion that is impairment came from his life decisions. the introduction to Fent. I'd like to say, he was both really drunk and really high. i can trust a person when theyre high but when theyre drunk, i dont trust a conversation at times. but this one seemed genuine.

... later he asked me to join the group, i didnt want to but he insisted so i went with him and he made sure wherever i was walking was safe. how kind his soul is. i can tell he was very open to ideas and experiences and he's open to learning. i admire that about humans. i watched the group interact with one another, it made me happy. theyre just humans, like me, enjoying connection in which i feel like i cant make much of a connection with them. they know so much about societal things, like whats up to date, whats trending, they know basic entertainment. i dont. i dont know how to conversate when it comes to topics like that. thats usually how it is, im used to it, i dont mind. it just makes the conversations i am able to have with people more passionate for me. but i walked away for a bit, i wanted to have a look around. what are things that i notice in the area. what history and clues can i get at just by observing the surroundings that strangers left before us.

I noticed the writings, i didnt get much info from it but it was nice to know what they were thinking in that moment. i noticed a bunch of trash in one spot. someone homeless mustve liked to chill here often. then i noticed a bag hanging on something. it was full of trash, but it was clear. i observed it. i wanted to know how long it's sat here but i assumed not very long. if someone likes to sit here i'd guess they'd change their trash every now and then... but then again, these are homeless people we talk about. im not sure how theyre way of living is like so its quite hard to say. i stopped observing and i went back to my comfort spot. i wondered what really happens at night. i hear people singing? communicating, perhaps? im not sure but i closed my eyes and i tried to listen. i saw few homeless people walking back and fourth past the building. 2 people spotted me through the window.... and thats when i noticed one person came from behind the building and walked past the gates, into the property. ---- oh, i'd like to mention i made up a whole plan in my head in case of any danger. the safest possible plan i could think of. i was ready. Then began the fun. it was like a movie. a horror movie. we didnt know all the possibilities of what could happen but we could guess a few. I noticed the panic in everyone, even mine. as cool as i looked as im observing everyones behavior, i heard my heart beating hard in the midst of all of it. One guy, i dont know his name, he stared at the downstairs entrance, rocking back and fourth, one feet behind, one feet in front, like he was ready to charge. I asked him something along the lines of "why are you so scared, its one guy and he could be friendly" i assured him it wasnt a cop and we both agreed that it was someone homeless. he told me "homeless people can be dangerous, they can attack at any moment." i asked him "have you been in a situation like that?" he responed with "ive been in many situations." and that concluded our conversation of the night. almost. i then observed the rest of the group. they decided to start down the stairs. "The guy with the knife in the front." one said. the guy with the light right behind him. i was the observer. i stayed in the back. in case anything didnt go to plan as a group, i wouldve went to my plan B alone. As they got further down the stairs and i lost vision of them, i hurriedly followed them in case the homeless man couldve been silently hiding in corner, if he wanted to attack me, he could, since im the one alone, and im a girl. I didnt want to be the one caught because i was too far behind. Jimmy noticed me and waited for me. How kind he was. Attention is the purest form of generosity they say.. it made me happy but i also had priorities to keep the both of us safe, i kept moving past him and now he was the one catching up. "IF WE SEE YOU, YOUR GETTING JUMPED." one of the guys called out. "idiots... theyre idiots." i whispered to jimmy behind me. I caught up to the group... the front paused and told everyone to be quiet. "Why is the door open" one said. "Is someone there?" our front said. Shuffling. thats all we heard... no response. and we all backed up into a room. in case it was a dead end, i went to the side that goes up the stairs and back to square one. my plan B. same voice who yelled out the threat earlier, "I found an escape!" i heard a few moments later. i walked towards the group, one said to the other, "you have to jump though." JUMP?! i thought in my head. i feared jumping and remembering how high up i was in the building didnt help. i looked down, it wasnt that bad, but still... someone better catch me. T_T Emily :3 it was emily again! i havnt seen her in so long it feels like but shes always there to care for me. she has such a caring heart and she's instictually thinking for others. She's like me. but she has her selfish tendencies when it comes to her "person." Just like me. Thats why i love her but i know i could never be too close to her. As reliable as she is, she can be unexpectedly unreliable. Unreliable because...

(continued below)

[madlori]

A quick primer on Schitt’s Creek

So apparently going by the comments on some of my fics I’ve done the thing where some of you who have been reading my fanfic a lot over the years want to read my newest stories without ever having seen the canon source material! You are all valid and I support you. 

So I thought it might be nice to write a bit of a primer on the show so you at least know what these people look like and who they are.

First of all I recommend just...uh, watching the show! It really is fantastic, and not just because of the amazing queer normalization. It’s funny and surprising and strange and heartwarming.

Caveat. A lot of people struggle with the first season. It is true that some viewers find it a rough start. The Roses all have significant character arcs and to do that you have to start from somewhere, let’s say. Also the tone of the show and its pace changed markedly between seasons two and three, which is when Dan Levy took over as head writer and they got a bunch of new writers. But even if you’re not quite feeling it from the first episode (I did not have this problem but some people do) I promise, you will be rewarded. And it’s fast, the episodes are only 20 minutes, so.

So! WTF even is this show. 

The Premise: The wealthy Rose family lose all their money when their finance guy absconds with it having never paid taxes. They’re left with nothing but the clothes (and wigs) on their backs and the ownership of a small town called Schitt’s Creek that father Johnny once bought for his teenage son as a joke. They relocate there and move into a dilapidated motel, thanks to the good graces of the town’s rednecky mayor, Roland Schitt (Chris Elliott). There they occupy two adjoining rooms, the parents in one and siblings in the other.

The Roses

Johnny (Eugene Levy) - Patriarch Johnny Rose made his money with a chain of video stores. Johnny is the straight man of the family, finding himself constantly shepherding his dramatic spouse and offpsring. 

Moira (Catherine O’Hara) - a former soap opera star, Moira is a creature not of this reality, it sometimes seems. She is an eccentrically outlandish persona who cares deeply for her family but is often befuddled as to how to handle those emotions or express them. 

David (Dan Levy) - firstborn son David is probably the character most viewers connect with first and more strongly, for a variety of reasons. His personal arc(s) are really the show’s emotional backbone. A former gallerist and pansexual aesthete, David is constantly frustrated by the Incorrectness of everything happening to the family.

Alexis (Annie Murphy) - younger sister and socialite, kind of a Coachella girl, who has spent most of her life globetrotting and getting herself mixed up in outlandish scenarios (it’s a running joke on the show for her to drop in “That one time when I was...” stories as offhand remarks). David is very protective of her even though they fight constantly, and often bailed her out of her Situations when their parents were too caught up in their own stuff.

The Honorary Roses

While the central “character” of the show is the Rose family, in my opinion there are six core characters, which includes these two.

Stevie Budd (Emily Hampshire) - Employee of (and later owner of) the motel where the Roses fetch up. She is David’s best friend and the first person in town he connects with. She is snarky and deadpan and sarcastic. She and David have a short-lived romantic/sexual relationship which ends amicably in season two, but their close friendship remains an important part of the show (yet another thing SC does that’s quietly revolutionary - feature exes who decided to be just friends and then actually do that). She later develops a strong surrogate-father relationship with Johnny as he becomes the co-owner of the motel.

Patrick Brewer (Noah Reid) - David’s business partner, and by the end of the show, husband. Although the show has a great deal to offer apart from this, a lot of people watch mostly for the David & Patrick relationship (which is fine, it’s a big part of the show). Note: if you are watching for this, Patrick does not appear in the show until the mid-third season. At first Patrick seems like an oasis of down-to-earth normalcy amidst all these larger-than-life personalities but it doesn’t take long to realize he’s actually an enormous troll who expresses his love for David by gently roasting him constantly.

And the Others - The show is an ensemble, and apart from these six folks, includes a lot of great secondary characters. Veternarian Ted Mullens (Alexis’s on/off boyfriend), Mayor Roland Schitt and his wife Jocelyn (who is one of my favorite characters), town council curmudgeons Ronnie and Bob, cafe waitress Twyla (played by Dan Levy’s sister Sarah), the local all-gender Casanova woodworker Jake, and the Schitts’ adult son Mutt, Alexis’s first hookup in town.

The Arc: This show is about how the Rose family - who have historically been distant and disconnected - had to lose all their money to find themselves as a family, and later, for each of them to find new fulfillment for themselves. They start out chafing and struggling to get out of this new reality, trying to find a way to sell the town, get “back to normal,” but gradually, they fit themselves into the community. Their family reconnection is pretty strong by the end of S2 (the final scene of that season was my first teary moment) and starting in S3, each of them finds a way to rediscover themselves. Johnny invests in the motel and in Stevie. Moira joins the town council and the local women’s a cappella singing group. Alexis goes back to school and starts pursuing a career in public relations. David takes over a vacant general store and turns it into the Rose Apothecary (which you have probably seen on merch everywhere), a venue for local artisans to sell what they make. It is through this venture that he meets Patrick, who first consults and then decides to invest and become David’s partner in the store.

The show is at the same time outlandish, hilarious, touching, abrasive and over the top. The Roses are over-the-top characters - especially Moira, who speaks in an unidentifiable accent and uses words that may or may not exist - and the story seems to exist in a kind of alternate reality (it’s a fandom joke that the timeline of the show makes no sense - it doesn’t - and it is always summer in SC except for one time when it was Christmas). There is also, by design, no homophobia in Schitt’s Creek. The various iterations of queer characters and relationships aren’t just represented, they’re normalized in a way that I didn’t know I was missing until I saw it.

Plus, it’s fun. Like many of Eugene Levy’s previous works (although the show is really Dan’s creation), the show makes use of musical set pieces. Probably the most famous is the iconic mid-season 4 episode “Open Mic” in which Patrick and David host an open mic night at the store and Patrick serenades David with an acoustic cover of Tina Turner’s “The Best” (arranged by actor Noah Reid, who is IRL a talented singer-songwriter, check out his albums, they’re great). It’s one of the most romantic things I’ve ever seen, made more poignant by the really remarkable face journey David goes through as he listens.

Well, have a look.

Another big moment was season 5′s production of “Cabaret,” directed by Moira and Jocelyn and starring Patrick as the Emcee and Stevie as Sally Bowles. The rehearsals and performance were mined for a lot of great moments.

Anyway, that’s the gist. Probably more than you wanted or needed.

[cafedanslanuit]

[ k i n k t o b e r ]  d a y   27    -   masterlist

↪ character: saeyoung choi [mystic messenger]

↪ tags/warnings: +18, female!reader, pegging, cross-dresing, praising kink, established relationship

↪ a/n: saeyoung and the reader love each other so much here <3

You stared at the tiny box one more time, still unsure how did you end up finding it. Granted you didn’t think you would trip and accidentally lift one of the wooden tiles of the floor and realize there was something underneath, but you felt guilty when you looked at the content. You touched the leather strap attached to it and wondered if it had been used before. You were mature enough to understand each one of you had had a sexual life before each other, but you still felt a ping on jealousy at the idea of Saeyoung sharing his liking for this when he hadn’t even told you yet.

You were so mesmerized by the transparent light blue dildo that you didn’t listen to the door opening up behind you.

“What do you have there, honey?”

You closed the box quickly, but the damage was done. You turned around to see your boyfriend’s eyes staring back at you. He was wearing one of his outfits, long red wig coming down on his shoulders and a white dress adorning his form. He might have been taking some pictures before hearing the noise from the bedroom. His questioning gaze shifted to an alarme one when he realized what you were holding.

“Where did you get that?”

“I… tripped. The tile popped off and I saw it,” you tried to explain, your cheeks pink.

“Well-- um, I can explain! It’s not what you’re thinking,” he laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head. He attempted to grab the box back, but you moved it away from his reach. “It’s just a joke, I wanted to--”

“Baby,” you said, grabbing his hand. He didn’t want to meet your eyes, but under your silence he obliged. “I’m not judging. I’m just curious.”

Saeyoung’s lip quivered for a moment, and then sat next to you on the bed. He passed his fingers through his hair and let out a long sigh.

“Sometimes… I like using that?” he said, shrugging a little. “Maybe it’s weird for you but--”

“It’s not weird,” you quickly answered. His head turned to you.

“It’s not?”

“No, I… I find it kind of hot actually,” you confessed, feeling your cheeks burning. “I mena, I have thought about it before, but… you know, as some kind of fantasy, I guess. Never knew you’d be into that as well.”

You looked down at the strap-on again. It was on the smaller side, a bit smaller than Saeyoung, but you couldn’t shake the idea of your boyfriend moaning as he used that on himself. You wondered if he had done that since you too started dating, too afraid to ask you to do it.

“Can we try?” you asked him, and you couldn’t believe it was possible for his face to burn any brighter. You chuckled and left the box on the bedside table. Turning back at him, you gave him a sweet and soft kiss that seemed to help him relax. You maintained the soft rhythm in your touch, and soon enough, you were laying on top of him on the bed, hands stroking his sides as he moved his lips against you. 

You were a little nervous as well. Even if the idea had crossed your mind before you had never gone through with it. The nervousness was mixed with excitement, but what really made you happy was the thought of doing it with the man you loved the most.

Soon enough, you were only in your underwear, your hands stroking his thighs underneath the dress. He attempted to take it off, but you promptly stopped him. 

“You look so pretty, why take it off?” you asked. Saeyoung only blushed and you kissed his  collarbone, humming as you felt his calloused fingertips grazing the small of your back.

“We’ve never done this when I’m wearing these, though,” he reminded you.

“I know. But it can be fun,” you teased him.

You let your hand wander underneath the dress and closed your fingers around Saeyoung’s length. He let out a shaky breath when you started pumping him. You looked into his amber eyes as he dug his fingertips on your skin, basking in the feeling of your hand around him. You stretched your free hand to the bedside table and took the strap-on.

Saeyoung followed your movements and stilled a little.

“Now?” he asked.

“No, not yet,” you assured him. “Just thought we might have some fun before,” you smirked, guiding the dildo to Saeyoung’s mouth. While your hand was still stroking him, you grazed your boyfriend’s lips with the dildo and watched him in awe as he opened his mouth and closed his lips around the tip of it.

Instinctively, you humped his thigh as Saeyoung, almost as red as his hair, was sucking the head of the dildo. You had never seen him looking so hot as he moved his mouth up and down, in a slightly bashful way.

“You’re doing so good, baby,” you praised him, and it only seemed to eager him more. Saeyoung licked the underside of the dildo, and your hips moved against his as well. Your hold on his cock tightened the slightest bit, making him moan around the plastic.

Slowly, you removed the dildo from his mouth, a small trail of saliva dangling from his mouth. He was too hot for his own good, you thought, but tried your best to remain calm. After all, you wanted to get him nice and ready so you wouldn’t hurt him.

You opened the drawer from the bedside table and took out the lube. You had used it before with him, so you were thankful it was close. You poured some on your fingers, coating them well and rubbed them together, trying to warm it up a little. Saeyoung watched you with hazy eyes. You cradled his face with your hand as the other one travelled between his legs. You quickly found his entrance and started circling it. His hips hitched at the sensation, and you kissed him again. You swallowed the moan he let out when you first inserted the first knuckle inside. He was incredibly tight, as you found yourself humping his leg again. You caressed his cheek with your thumb and started moving your finger in and out slowly, trying to take your time as he let out shaky breaths underneath you.

Finally, your full finger was inside him and you started twisting it. Saeyoung moaned and you started leaving kisses along his jaw and neck. Soon, another finger was making its way inside him. You whispered praises against his ear, reminding him how much you loved him and how good he was taking it. You even gave him a break to gather even more lube and then continued.

“Fuck… that feels so…” he gasped, throwing his head back. You smiled at him and kissed his cheek.

“You’re so beautiful right now,” you said, as you made scissoring motions inside of him. Saeyoung moaned again and searched for your lips, catching you in a deep kiss, his hands grabbing your hips still and his tongue battling you.

When he was finally ready, you took the dildo that you had left on the bed, and started pouring a generous amount of lube over it as well. Saeyoung looked at you expectantly, his cock hard and his eyes cloudy with lust.

“Do you want to turn around? Or maybe--”

“I want to see you,” he interrupted you, to which you smiled softly and nodded.

Slowly you took your underwear off and tried to put the strap-on on you. It was more difficult than it looked, and you couldn’t get the final clasp to close. Leaning forward, Saeyoung caught your hand and looked at you. Understanding his gaze, you let him finish securing it around you. When he was done, he laid back on the bed with you on top of him.

“I really love you, you know?” you said, kissing the top of his nose. 

“Thanks for the clarification, thought you were lying before,” he teased you. You chuckled and were grateful he was feeling comfortable again around you, especially with what was about to happen.

You grabbed one of his legs and bent it against his chest, trying to make him more comfortable. Still wearing his white dress, he looked tempting as ever, especially now that he was on display for you. You lined the strap-on with his entrance and started pushing it as slowly as you could, feeling the resistance of his body against it. You paid attention to his face the whole time, wanting to see if there was any discomfort on him. While he hissed when you first started pushing, now he was only breathing heavily as you continued sinking yourself inside of him.

When you were halfway through, you pressed a soft kiss against his lips. He kissed you back and you started moving your hips slowly. Saeyoung’s whole body tensed and he held onto your shoulders. The movement also made the base of the strap-on press on your fold, shooting a bolt of pleasure every time you pushed your hips forward.

You settled on a steady rhythm, your eyes focused on Saeyoung’s honey ones. His lips were parted open and his eyes just the tiniest bit glassy as you rocked your hips against his. Saeyoung started whimpering underneath you. The look he had on his face gave you the courage to finally push all the way inside. When the dildo hit his sweet spot, Saeyoung’s eyes rolled back, a loud moan leaving his lips as his hand immediately went to his cock and he started pumping himself.

“Let me do that for you,” you whispered, and you gently took his hand away. Kneeling on the bed, you pushed his bent leg even more against his chest and started pumping him, matching the rhythm you had on your hips. His dress was riled up to his hips as you kept thrusting against him.

Saeyoung was moaning, his long wig a little disheveled as he crumpled his dress, moving his hips to try and match yours. You leaned forward just a bit and continued trusting. The way Saeyoung’s back arched let you know you had found the right angle. Still new to using your hips like that, you quickened the pace as you watched him make a mess underneath you. There was a single tear threatening to roll down his cheek while his tongue was slightly sticking out of his mouth, his moans becoming more desperate the more you kept moving.

“Yes, yes, fuck-- fuck me, honey, please,” he whined, his hands grabbing your thighs.

“Mmm, didn’t quite catch that, baby,” you teased him, slowing down your pace, only to see him getting more agitated.

“Fuck me… Fuck me harder, please, I’m begging,” he breathed out, his chest moving up and down as he’s trying to breathe.

You started moving your hips as fast as you could, the strap-on sliding in and out easily as Saeyoung was breaking down underneath you. It only took a few more moments for him to come on your hand, coating it with a heavy load of release with a loud grunt. He kept on going, and you moved your hand to let him ride his orgasm out until he was all done.

Slowly, you pulled out of him, smiling softly when he whimpered at the loss. You tried fixing his white dress and wig and then laid next to him on your side, your hand cradling his cheek and stroking the skin with your thumb.

“You’re so pretty, Saeyoung,” you whispered. He turned his head to you and tried to smile back, but his head was spinning too much to form a coherent sentence. Chuckling, you took off the strap-on and scooted closer to him, wrapping an arm around his still quivering form.

In a few minutes, you would start a bath for him to relax in and then maybe a snack. But for now, all you wanted was to lay by his side.

[katsidhe]

Ranking Every SPN Season Finale

15) 11.23 Alpha and Omega. Dead last because not only is Chuck and Amara’s conflict defanged with a frankly silly anticlimax, but a lot of runtime is eaten up with establishing Lady Toni getting on a plane. The great weakness of an otherwise very strong season is that none of the awful compromises Sam and Dean and Cas made (especially Sam wrt Lucifer) ended up having relevance at all.

14) 9.23 Do You Believe In Miracles. Cheesy dying dialogue, Metatron hamming it up for way too long, that facepalming “the radio was on the whole! time!” twist, uncertainty as to the motivation of the whole confrontation that ends in Dean’s death. Also, this is the beginning of the end of walking back the beautiful work the rest of s9 established, with Sam saying things like “I lied.” I don’t like Dean’s death here at all, in staging, or conceptually, or thematically.

13) 12.23 All Along The Watchtower. I am basically obliged to put this in C tier because it is quite silly, but frankly, I like it more than its ranking deserves. It has the late season finale sin of cramming in an introduction to next season’s conflict in the middle of wrapping up this season’s—but it’s absolutely hilarious that they brought in multiverse portals. And for Sam and Dean, thank god the portal appeared, because otherwise they had absolutely no plan whatsoever to deal with Lucifer, and they probably would have died gruesomely. High points: Sam discovering Rowena’s death on the phone with Lucifer; the spooky introduction of Jack, the raised stakes with Mary trapped with Lucifer. Lowest point: the utter silly pointlessness of Cas’s death.

12) 10.23 Brother’s Keeper. This is the finale that I have the strongest mixed feelings about. There is a queasy lack of self-awareness in the treacly sentiment when Sam presents family photos as evidence of Dean’s goodness. The excuse of MOC!Dean as not the “real” Dean allows for the reasons behind this confrontation to be elided, even as its themes are echoed again and again. The chilling horror of Sam on his knees in front of Dean the executioner is potent and darkly enjoyable, but the instant redirection into attacking Death prevents any kind of real culmination. I can’t decide if I like this episode or loathe it, but I do think I appreciate it more now, after 14.20 and 15.17, than I did when it aired. 

11) 7.23 Survival of the Fittest. We’re on to B-tier! There’s nothing significantly wrong with 7.23. Meg crashes the Impala through a glass sign, so that’s fun. Kevin’s there. There’s action, there’s some cool stakes for next season established, Sam is left alone, which I love. The main sin here is just that most of it is fairly forgettable, because the strongest part of s7 was always the psychological drama of the Winchesters’ disintegration and isolation, not the physical conflict with Leviathans.

10) 14.20 Moriah. Lots of my points about 10.23 apply here, but Moriah is a much better episode, both because there is actual conflict of opinion, and because there is a lot more built-in uncertainty about Jack’s fate than Sam’s. Jack and Dean are onboard with Jack’s murder, just as Sam and Dean were agreed on Sam’s death in 10.23, but this time Cas is staunchly against it, and Sam is on the fence, torn as to how to intervene. So it’s much better drama. But then the crux of the issue gets defanged by Chuck’s reveal. Great s15 setup, but kicks the 14.17-14.19 build down the road. Extra points for Sam shooting God. 

9) 13.23 Let the Good Times Roll. I fucking love the 13.21-13.23 arc. The only thing preventing 13.23 from being A-tier are some wholly avoidable mistakes. The staging is silly; a face-palming amount of time was wasted on Maggie; the wires were a deeply regrettable choice. But even with all that, what we got was great, actually! The Sam-Jack-Lucifer church custody battle is still my favorite goddamn thing. Dean saying yes to Michael was both his only smart move and a devastating sacrifice. The character dynamics here are so JUICY. 13.21-14.01 is, IMO, one of the most fertile grounds for fic and speculation in the entire show.

8) 2.22 All Hell Breaks Loose, Part Two. Now we’re into finales that are fantastic without reservation. Off the devastation of Sam’s death comes Dean’s iconic deal. The actual confrontation in the graveyard is good too, though it’s second to the way we’re all reeling from part one. Azazel dies, Sam and Dean are bloodied and facing down new stakes. The only thing I dislike about this episode is John’s cameo.

7) 1.22 Devil’s Trap. This is the episode that ups the ante! Azazel in John, and Dean, and Sam, and the delicious family dynamic here; the stakes are so personal, and it’s a great examination what each of them is willing to pay for their quest: an electrifying taste of what’s to come. And the music, and the sheer fucking balls of just, crashing a goddamn truck into your main characters at the end of the first season. Nice.

6) 3.16 No Rest for the Wicked. Lilith is delightfully evil. We’re on tenterhooks for Sam to save Dean, we’re narratively primed to expect him to pull off something amazing, a last-minute miracle. But—nope! Sorry! Dean gets graphically ripped apart onscreen and now he’s being tortured in Hell! Shocking and bold, and a crucial turning point in the series. 

5) 4.22 Lucifer Rising. Fresh off 4.21 comes an excellent culmination of season 4′s devastation. The reveals from both Ruby and the angels, Sam draining the possessed nurse, Cas at last choosing to betray Heaven, and the final arrival of Lucifer: it all just works, really well. 

4) 15.20 Carry On. Part of the reason I’m ranking this so highly might be spite. But goddammit, bad wig and worse Carry On cover aside, this is a good episode, and a really, really good series finale! The deliberate anticlimax of Dean’s death, the quiet strength in Sam’s grief, the untroubled, unrushed pacing of Sam’s recovery and aging, and Dean’s drive. Supernatural said Sam Rights, and I wept like a tiny little baby. 

3) 6.22 The Man Who Knew Too Much. Adventures in Sam’s mind! Cas and Crowley and Raphael and the double cross! The taste of cosmic horror! The end of season 6 and beginning of season 7, as Sam and Dean cope simultaneously with Sam’s psychological fallout and the consequences of their most powerful ally going off the rails, is fantastic. I love the literalism and the symbolism of Sam’s reintegration: this is an unapologetically Sam episode (as are the other top four, come to think of it). 

2) 8.23 Sacrifice. Sam’s heartbreaking deterioration in the church and Crowley’s disintegration are an electrifying climax to the trials. Dean and Sam’s final exchange is a breathtaking combination of raw emotion and delirium and a fascinating guilt trip. It’s a visually and conceptually stunning episode: the angels fall burning against a night sky; Sam surrenders the trials and collapses, dying. 

1) 5.22 Swan Song. You knew this would be number one, I knew this would be number one, we all knew this would be number one. It’s iconic for a reason. Sam and Lucifer talking through a mirror; the loss of all hope and the sky-high stakes. Stull Cemetery is the defining moment of so, so much of the rest of the series. Dean’s loyalty gives Sam the strength he needs to bury himself alive forever with his worst nightmare, and it saves the world, and it’s the highest cost either of them has ever paid.  

[aceofspadegrass]

Can you maybe make a fic of just me and Niragi chilling and hangin out together at the beach?,just Niragi being calm for just one day.

(Of course his lynx and Fanta has to be there...and Dori)

And then Niragi would question things such as "Can I see your hair?" And I would say "No,only girls and family relatives can see it" "Why aren't men aloud to see your hair?" "Because,they will judge on just by or appearance and not our personality" "So does that mean,Kuina,Ann and Mira can see your hair?" "Yes,yes they can. We even has a girls sleepover party at Kuina's room that day with Ace and Chloe" And Dori dressing up as a women is like "A-and I'm not invited!?" "Dori,you're a boy..a grown man dressing up as smexy lady-"

A Chat with Ila

Characters: @a-simp-20, Niragi Suguru, Dori Sakurada

Genre: Fluff. Just @a-simp-20 vibing with Dori and Niragi and talking about hijabs! :D

1.4k words

Hehe, sorry I finally got around to this! I was taking a little fanfic break after posting 6 fics in a row, you understand right? (I say break as if it hasn’t even been a week pfft-)

I’m going to try my best to incorporate your culture, okay? Okay. :D I hope you like it @a-simp-20! Here, have this nice picture as well. (Sorry for tagging you three times in a row-)

It was late into the day, and wandering about the Beach was a group. It consisted of two men, a lady, and two animals, happily chatting amongst each other about normal topics, like how soft pillows were and the legality of eating fried crickets as a snack.

Which, by the way, was completely legal in certain cultures.

Fanta was happily trotting besides Dori, who was more focused on trying to paint his nails with clear polish on the move, humming a song. On the other side of him was Catra, the lynx wearing a rubber duck on her head for the sheer fun of it. Said rubber duck had a tiny felt cap on it, tiny lettering spelling the word ‘Chicken’ in Hiragana.

People naturally got out of the way upon seeing Niragi, but Niragi wasn’t even paying attention to them, knowing full well his sheer presence was enough to cause a reaction. That way he could focus on talking to Ila about totally normal human endeavours.

“ Have you ever sat in a bath in the dark with a little bit of light? It’s actually really soothing as long as you’re not scared of the dark, and it’s really quiet too!” Ila chirps, walking besides the bottle of black tea, Niragi shrugging. He’s never really had the time for himself for something like that. It sounded amazing though, and maybe when he had the time he would do it, even using scented candles and even bath salts. Ila smiles up at him. “ Aww, you really should, you look like you need one!”

“ Wh- Hey! What does that supposed to mean?!” Niragi accuses as he looks down at Ila, who smiles at him.

“ It’s really nice, that’s all! Especially here, where there’s so much violence going on, there needs to be a time to relax and ease your stress!”

Niragi just squints at her, then leaves it be. Ila had good intentions, so he just continues onwards, Dori humming behind Niragi and Ila.

“ If you want to, Niragi, I wouldn’t mind it if you wanted to borrow some of my bath salts! They’re some of my favourites, but don’t expect them to smell like anything. I prefer the unscented ones.” Dori offers Niragi, who just waves off his doppelgänger as they approach the TV room. The group enters, Fanta and Catra hopping onto the couch and claiming it as their own until Niragi shooed them off to sit on the ground instead. Fanta was a lot more nicer about that, Catra baring her teeth a little at Niragi, the overcooked barbecue giving her the disappointed dad look complete with his hand on his hip until Catra finally complied, Ila taking a seat right where the cat was previously, Dori taking the other side of the couch. That left Niragi to the middle, but he doesn’t take a seat just yet, heading over to the DVD case to pick out a movie for them to pass the time with. He pulls out a random case, squinting at the cover.

“ Hey, Sakurada. Why the hell are you on this?” Niragi holds the case up and looks to Sakurada. Sakurada comes over and peers at the case, gasping a little in recognition.

“ Oh! That’s Orange! It’s actually really good!” Dori smiles happily at seeing his face on the cover, even if it was really small. Niragi hums, looking at the cover. He points to the main characters on the cover, squinting at it.

“ The fuck, why are these two on here-“

“ Hm? Oh, that’s just Yamazaki and Tsuchiya! They’re actors as well! I kind of hope they’re alright, I haven’t seen them around lately-“

“ How many of you clone fuckers are out there-“

“ Well technically-“

Niragi holds a hand up, hushing Sakurada. “ Never mind, I don’t care anymore. Let’s just watch this.” Sakurada mutely nods and goes back to sitting on the couch, Fanta hopping back up and splaying his body across Sakurada’s lap, Sakurada chuckling in amusement and giving his dog a few belly tickles. Ila was visibly happy as well, Niragi sliding in the disc and going to sit down as the movie started to run.

Two hours later, and Ila was already talking about the movie and how nice it was, Sakurada nodding along with her as she went on. Niragi remained quiet, admittedly not having paid much attention to the movie or its plot, using it more like background noise and eye candy as he zoned out. He wasn’t really much of a romance drama movie kind of guy anyways, got too mushy for his taste.

Still, no use in spoiling Ila and Sakurada’s joy in the movie. Even Fanta seemed to be joining in on the fun, tail wagging excitedly as he sat there on Sakurada’s lap. Catra had sat at the foot of the couch the entire time, content where she was and occasionally grooming her huge paws and then settling said paws on Niragi’s foot and kneading it. It was a weird experience, but ultimately harmless.

The conversation soon died down, shifting to fashion sense, and Niragi’s attention moves to Ila, more importantly on the hijab on her head. It was actually a pretty salmon colour, and his staring contest with the side of her head went on too long, as his eyes met with a very amused face, Ila blinking and waving a hand in front of his face, snapping him out of it.

“ Is something wrong? Is there like…. lint on my head?”

“ Ah, no- Just wondering why you wear that. I don’t think anyone has seen your hair.” “ Well, men haven’t! That’s kind of the point! I’m a Muslim, and that means women wear these as a sign of modesty.” Niragi tilts his head. Why be modest here? It’s the Borderlands, technically anyone can do whatever they want. Then again, he guesses it applies to wearing it the same way as not wearing it. “ So….. why not?”

“ Well, it’s simple! We want people to not look for appearances and instead look for what’s right here!” She pats her chest, right where the heart was. “ It’s to keep men unrelated to us from seeing something they aren’t allowed to! If you were, for example, to marry a Muslim woman, then she’s allowed to show her hair to you, but only then! Otherwise that’s off limits to you!” Ila explains happily, Niragi slowly nodding and taking in the info.

“ So…. what about the ones that aren’t men?”

“ Then they’re allowed to see my hair! In fact, we, as in Ann, Kuina, Chloe, and Mira have sleepovers over in Kuina’s room! It’s actually really fun! Oh, but immediate male family members are allowed, but that’s it!”

There was a mildly offended gasp from Sakurada, who holds his hand over his heart. “ What? And I’m not invited to them? Even though I look stylish?”

Ila giggles, shaking her head. “ Even if you wear the prettiest dress and the nicest wig, you’re still identified as a male, and can’t be allowed to see my hair, Sakurada! It’s nothing against you, you’re doing great, it’s just how my religion functions between the relationship between men and women! It also means you and Niragi aren’t to touch me, even in a friendly context!” “ Wh- So you’ve never had a hug?” Niragi furrows his eyebrows a little, confused.

“ I have, just not with men.” Ila explains politely, still smiling. “ Being polite and modest is just how we are, that’s all! Of course, some cases of being touched by men are absolutely necessary, like with doctors, but when we can, we highly prefer not to be touched by non-mahram.” Niragi and Sakurada both nod at her words, Fanta barking. Sakurada point to Fanta. “ Does Fanta count?”

“ Well, not really? There’s technically different rules in set for dogs, but that’s for another time.” Ila responds, and gets up with a hum. “ Hey, wanna go see how many plastic ducks we can fit in Chishiya’s room?” Niragi grins, getting up so fast off the couch it almost was like he was ejected from it by a spring and running out the door, Fanta barking and running after him, Sakurada chuckling and getting up at a reasonable pace.

“ Come on, what are you waiting for! Let’s go fuck with the whipped cream pie!” Niragi yells, Ila laughing and following behind him along with the rest of the squad. It was a pleasant evening for some chaos after a nice long chat.

[suspiciouslypinkrosegarden]

Pairing: Unknown (Saeran Choi) X Female Reader CRACK FIC

Description: You are a humble teenage bookworm, obsessed with the performer Lady Gaga and her catchy music. Or perhaps, it’s not her you’re obsessed with, but her back up dancer, Saeran. When your bestie Sasha offers you the chance to watch a performance front row, a chance encounter happens. Can you successfully woo this ̶s̶e̶x̶y̶ ̶b̶e̶a̶s̶t̶ handsome dancer? Or will your attempt to dress up lead to nothing at all.

This is in NO way shape or form to be taken seriously. It is supposed to be a funny parody of many Wattpad stories we may have read way back when. It is not targeting any one author and is entirely based on stereotypes and jokes made about old experiences.

Little warning: Some of the jokes made could be said to be 18+, but nothing is too over the top. The reader is described to be blond with blue eyes, etc., just following Wattpad stereotypes. All descriptions of the reader are for comedic purposes as well as the “authors notes”. The elixir is brought up at the end.

This fic contains and is based on a sketch done by my friend 🤎Melkinpump🤎, who you can find on tumblr here: https://melkinpump.tumblr.com/

——————————————————————

https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ song from chapter 2!!!

CHAPTER ONE-

I woke up to see my beautiful turquoise bedroom shining in the sun. It was finally time, today I was going to a Lady Gaga concert. My gaze drifted to the Lady Gaga poster on my wall. But here’s the plot twist. I wasn’t in love with her, but him. The man in the back of the poster, Saeran, one of her favorite back up dancers. He was in all of her shows, and today I just had to seduce him best I could, which would be hard because I was such a nerd. I stared lovingly at his face behind hers, tongue sticking out with a blue color to it from the koolaid he had in his hand. It was pretty rock and roll epic. I sighed. Time to get dressed.

I followed the advice of my friend Sasha, and wore one of her tight black leather dresses. I’m not used to tight clothes, but she’s a seduction master with 10 boyfriends right now, so I’m listening. It hugged my 1 inch waist so tight I couldn’t breathe, and the cleavage showed almost my whole natural DD rack, but I guess it looks hot. This felt weird, so not like me who usually wears big sweaters and big jeans. Of course, I still need to wear my glasses or I can’t see shit. I took down my long, straight platinum blond hair out of my pony tail and brushed it. Lastly, I brushed my teeth incase we do make out.

Sasha arrived in her Jaguar car. She’s super rich unlike me. She yelled at me,

“Why aren’t you wearing makeup? Come here let’s fix you up!”

She put on a lot of my makeup for me, thick black eyeliner and bright red lipstick. I put back on my glasses when she was finished, and she smacked my hand.

“No! Guys don’t like girls who wear glasses, show off those pretty blue eyes!”

I sighed as now I’d be blind for the concert. But it’s ok, it’s all to win his heart. The devil with the white hair and man whore outfit he always wore. It was Lady Gaga’s thing to make him dress like that, I didn’t mind because he’s incredibly sexy in it.

I tried not to let my mind wander too much as Sasha drove us to the concert. I could not be nervous, and I definitely couldn’t allow him to see that I was actually just a little nerd girl. Tonight, I’m a sex kitten just for him. Sasha made sure of that.

END CHAPTER 1

HEY guys I hope you enjoyed chapter one :) chapter two is just down below and maybe you’ll finally get to kiss Saeran idk it’s not like I’m the author ;))

CHAPTER 2-

The concert began. And there he was, dancing so close to me as we had front row seats which Sasha’s rich dad paid for. I’m so lucky to have a rich bestie.

He rocked his hips to the beat, that pink leotard type outfit barely covering much. I could see his beautiful pecs through the heart in the center, shiny from his glistening sweat. Unless Lady Gaga told him to shine up with something, I wouldn’t put it past her.

@melkinpump

After a few minutes, my heart stopped beating. He noticed me! His aqua orbs met mine in the crowd, gazing into my soul with such a fiery passion as he danced, white locks stuck to his forehead with sweat. My friend nudged me, smiling. I couldn’t believe it. I smiled at him, and started singing the words to the song playing to pretend I was unphased.

And then, it happened. He kneeled down next to me, chains from his outfit clinking a little, leaning in with his hand cupping his ear to hear my voice. He then spoke, the tone surprising me as his voice was rather airy.

“I can’t hear you!”

I sang louder.

“You can be louder than that!”

He smirked at me teasingly. My heart was leaping sky high as I got even louder for him. I’d do anything for him.

Just then, he passed me his hand, offering to take me up on stage with him. I hesitantly took it, feeling its heat in mine as he pulled me up on stage next to him. It felt unreal!

“YOU GO GIRL WOOOOH!”, Sasha screamed.

Lady Gaga stopped then cued the next song as Saeran passed me a mic. The music started playing and I could feel my heart in my throat. I couldn’t let him know this confidence was all a fake to win him as I’m usually just a bookworm. I sang best I could, the song was a classic, “Poker Face” by Lady Gaga (link at the top). To my surprise, Saeran also took a mic. It was just the two of us singing, and the audience was in awe because it sounded so good. I didn’t even know I could sing because I never have before, but now I understand I have a hidden talent, and I feel more confident.

As the song wrapped up, he smiled at me and handed me a VIP backstage pass! I thanked him profusely as I got down from the stage, eliciting a wink. I can’t believe I’m going to get to see him backstage!

CHAPTER 3-

Hey guys :/ adult content warning !

Skip ahead to the end of the awesome concert and me and Sasha were heading backstage with my shiny, black VIP pass. It had a mint eye symbol on it which looked bitchin. The guard stopped Sasha from entering,

“Sorry, only that one is allowed by Mr. Saeran.”

Mr. Saeran? Now that’s hot. But I’m also sad because I want to take Sasha too because without her, I wouldn’t even be at this concert! Sasha winked at me,

“It’s ok girl, go live your dream. My dad’s rich so one of my boyfriends is Justin Beiber so I don’t need this anyways.”

“Thanks bestie.” I smiled at her, preparing myself to go meet Saeran and Lady Gaga alone.

I took in a deep breath, my exposed chest nice and puffed out to attract his attention because I know guys like boobs. Sasha told me that, I don’t know much about guys because I’m a nerd. But hopefully now I’d be his nerd.

The security guard led me to the back of the hall, opening the big door, revealing Saeran and Lady Gaga, standing and talking. I was in shock! They were both so hot in person! I am so lucky!

Their heads turned in my direction, Saeran hungrily licking his lips upon seeing me. I couldn’t get any redder!

Just then, Lady Gaga handed me some blue koolaid and told me to take a seat with a sweet smile. I smiled back and sat like she said. Lady Gaga spoke,

“Hello, it’s nice to meet you! You really grabbed my dancer’s attention here as well as mine and the crowds, and I instructed him to pick one lucky girl to meet with today. And here you are! With a singing voice like that, I want to know if you want to join us on tour!”

With that, I’m certain I stopped breathing. To work alongside Saeran AND Lady Gaga?! Incredible! I didn’t mind leaving my old life behind to be sexy and cool always like I was tonight, because at home I was nothing but a 16 year old boring book worm. I’d be happy to never see high school again, but I’d miss Sasha.

“Yes!” I squeaked happily.

“Good girl~” Saeran cooed. I wasn’t expecting him to call me that, and I blushed red to my ears.

“First, let’s finish that drink with a toast to you joining us!” Lady Gaga cheered.

“Ok! Cheers to our new pet here!”, Saeran said raising a glass too.

It’s weird that he called me pet, personally I think a little ominous. But it’s ok, he can call me as he likes.

As I tasted the koolaid, it was super bitter and burned my throat. Saeran and Lady Gaga smiled at me, and I smiled back, forcing myself to chug it as they watched eagerly. I then felt super dizzy and sick…what was this koolaid? As the room started spinning, I reached a hand to my head and winced. Saeran sat next to me and guided me to lean on him. Even though I felt odd, leaning on him still made my heart race.

He stroked my hair, whispering “good girl” once more. This was getting freaky. Did they drug me?

Before I could open my mouth to speak, Lady Gaga took off her crazy wig. I saw long blond curls fall down as she removed her wig cap. Within another second, she popped out colored contacts, revealing orbs as green as emeralds. That wasn’t Lady Gaga at all! It was a fraud! I gasped, but Saeran held me closer, telling me to remain quiet.

“Just as you’re thinking child, this isn’t a Lady Gaga concert at all, but a recruitment for our cult! I killed Lady Gaga long ago, and took her place. Saeran here is in charge of choosing one lucky person each show to join us, and with your voice you’ll make a great performer alongside us here at the Mint Eye!”

I was so angry and confused. What did she mean she killed Lady Gaga? And a cult? No way…

Saeran spoke to me again, “don’t worry little blondy, I chose you because you’ll be a great assistant for me with that voice. We have a lot of work to do, and lucky for you, since I can tell you like me, you get to work alongside me~”. He cackled and then crushed my phone with his bare hands.

I was horrified. I spoke softly, still feeling weird.

“Saeran…I thought you were a good person…I know you are…I love you…”

He seemed moved in those minty eyes, but wouldn’t tell it. His eyes were a tad watery as he scooped me up into his arms and cradled me close to his chest. My head rested on the open heart in his costume.

“I know, and that’s exactly why I chose you. I’ve been watching you for a long time, y/n. You look different without your glasses. But don’t worry, we have contacts for on stage.”

And with that he carried me to his room, and I prepared for my new life as a cultist.

END!!!!

A/N: Hey everyone thanks for reading <3 I wonder what Saeran and y/n are going to do in his room next 😳😜😎🍋!!?!! If I get 3 comments, I’ll write the next part :3 which will be rated 18+ though!!! I think you know why ;)))) !!! Pray for me 🙏 because I just broke my pelvis and I’m so sorry that 18+ part will be a little late because of it but I’ll write it in the hospital! Safe wishes 💋! Thanks for all the support!!!!

Fin! *takes a bow*

[dinosaurtsukki]

Congrats on the milestone, I hope I'm not too late~! “I didn’t do it!” “Then why are you laughing?” “Because whoever did it is a freaking genius.” with Daichi please ^~^)/ Also, if your taglist is open, may I be added? I really enjoy your content~

awwww i’m glad you enjoy my content that makes me happy~ i hope you enjoy this one!!

Daichi + 80 + 81 + 82

80. “I didn’t do it!”

81. “Then why are you laughing?”

82. “Because whoever did it is a freaking genius.”

It wasn’t a typical morning in Karasuno High School. Because for once, it was the last day of classes for the year, more specifically the last day of classes for you third-years. Even though you didn’t really have classes for the day, you and your friends still came to school to pass the time in the gymnasium that forged the bond between all of you and your fellow teammates. On the walk to school, you and Kiyoko chatted about how nice it would be to no longer have to wear uniforms. Sugawara and Asahi were discussing who among their second and first-year teammates were going to cry later. And Daichi was lost in his thoughts. ‘Probably of last night,’ you thought with a smirk before suppressing a yawn.

Once you reached the school and saw the crowded courtyard, it was very clear that it wasn’t a normal day. 

“Whoa, what’s happening?” Kiyoko asked.

“Asahi, can you see anything?” Sugawara elbowed your tallest friend. 

“I can’t see that far!” he protested.

“Come on, let’s check it out!” you grinned, pushing your way through the crowd. 

“Y/n, wait up!” Sugawara called after you.

In the middle of the school courtyard was the statue of Karasuno High School’s founder. You always forgot his name and never deemed it important enough to keep in mind. He was standing before them in all his metal glory, both arms outstretched forward. Except, in his hands he carried a basketball with a drawn-on face that looked like the vice-principal’s. And right on top of that wig, was the vice-principal’s wig.

“BWAHAHAHAHAA!” Sugawara burst out laughing, bent-over with his hands gripping his sides.

“Suga,” Asahi looked at him in shock.

“You paid Hinata and Kageyama do this, didn’t you?” Kiyoko jabbed his shoulder accusatorily. 

“What? I didn’t do it!” Sugawara said in-between laughs, which didn’t make it all the more convincing.

“Then why are you laughing?” Asahi asked.

“Because whoever did it is a freaking genius!” 

If Asahi and Kiyoko weren’t busy trying to get Sugawara to quiet down in order to not draw suspicion to himself, they would have caught the knowing glance and smirk that you and Daichi shared.

---Last Night---

“I can’t believe you convinced me to do a dumb senior prank,” Daichi hissed as he lifted your leg up to help you up the wall. 

“Correction. It’s a senior prank that’s going to be an awesome one,” you huffed at him as you managed sit on the wall with a leg on either side for balance. You stretched out a hand to help pull him up. Not that he ended up needing it. The two of you hopped down on the other side into the school grounds.

“Aren’t senior pranks kind of lame?”

“It’s only lame if the seniors doing them are lame but we’re not lame seniors,” you grinned. “Trust me. This is going to be epic.”

There were very few security guards around the place but most of them were positioned at the school entrance so it was quite easy to sneak into the main school building. It was eerie to walk around the school at night with no one around and Daichi tried not to remember all the ghost stories that Tanaka would tell during training camps. Finally, you stopped in front of vice-principal’s office and pulled out two, small metal pieces from your pocket.

“Is that a lock-picking set?” Daichi asked, astounded while he watched you pick the lock. “Where do you even get that?”

“Lockpickingsets.com. Duh,” you grinned at him right as the lock clicked open. Daichi stepped in first.

“I sure hope you’re right about this,” he said, pacing the room. 

“Trust me. My sources are correct,” you nudged past him as you made your way to the desk. “Megumi from class 3-C saw it somewhere here when she was called to his office. And think about it. I’m pretty sure I guy who wears wigs would keep a spare one in the place where they work. Like shoes!”

“Fine. But if I were the vice-principal, where would I hide my own wig?” Daichi muttered. Both of you turned to look at the inconspicuous filing cabinet situated at a corner. 

“Definitely there,” you chorused. 

After a bit more lock-picking, you slid open the drawers and finally found the wig, propped on its own mannequin’s head and looking very much as if it was well-taken care of.

“Okay, I’m convinced. This might actually be epic,” Daichi grinned. You handed him the wig, still sitting on the mannequin head, and pulled out the basketball and permanent marker that you kept in the backpack you carried.

“Time for Phase Two.”

---Now---

“Best senior prank ever?”

“Best senior prank ever,” Daichi grinned, bumping fists with you while you sat in homeroom. 

“It’s a good thing I convinced you, didn’t I? Or else you’ll have nothing fun to tell your kids,” you grinned cheekily.

“Yeah, yeah. That was pretty fun,” Daichi rubbed the back of his neck. “One last hurrah as third-years here, before we go our separate ways.”

“Ugh, you sound like Asahi,” you rolled your eyes at Daichi’s cheesiness, even though you knew you would probably crying during your send-off later with the volleyball club. After graduation, you weren’t sure when you’d see Daichi or your other friends again, but at least you had one more memory to remember him by. 

taglist (open to anyone who wants in):  @montys-chaos​ @miyumtwins​ @strawberriimilkshake​ @pocubo​ @sugawara-sweetheart @akaashisbabydoll @laure-chan @therainroguefanfiction @atetiffdoesart @stephdaninja @oikaw-ugh

[onelastbreath-writes]

On Bruce And Texting:

Author’s Note: Hello and welcome, this is my first properly written fic, originally posted to my AO3, and now that I have finally created a writing blog, it’s here as well. Please enjoy!!  AO3.  Masterlist

Warnings: Hopefully none, its all cute and fluff <3

Summary: Bruce Wayne texts like he's sending correspondences to the Queen, so of course the little monsters he calls children just have to make fun of him! Brats, the lot of them, but he wouldn't have them any other way.

Features: Bruce Wayne/Selina Kyle, all the bats and birds, mentions JL, no crime fighting, only family fluff, jokes and nods to Millennial and GenZ shenanigans.

Word Count: 2.7k

---

Billionaire, genius, tech expert, father of many children, and all around up-to-date-with-just-about-everything type of person he may be, it is also a well-known Fact that Bruce Wayne, the Batman(TM) himself, can’t text to save his life.

Whether it’s due to his Very Proper English Upbringing, his inability to be informal via written correspondences of any type, his indifference, or the fact that it bothers his children so much, Bruce Wayne has not and never will text with anything less than perfect grammar, spelling, and formality. If he has not sent you a proper letter (featuring a dedication, indentation for every paragraph, signature, and post-script when applicable), he did, in fact, not send you that text. Informality is not his Batman Way(TM) according to his children... he’s not too sure what that even means, but it makes his young ones laugh so it’s probably fine?  

His oldest children (Richard and Jason) were raised in the time of Change, where computers, internet access, social media, and all things similar were only just being introduced into households en-masse. They were young enough to remember a time without such devices and connectivity (both for very different reasons, of course, but they grew up without the newest technology none-the-less). They could understand his relationship to the digital environment more so than his younger children, but they still tended to poke fun at his ‘texting blunders’ regularly. All his kids somehow ended up as brats. He doesn’t know how this happened. It’s certainly not his fault. He blames the League members, and especially Clark Kent, for their defiant personalities. 

His younger children, whom he loves dearly, like to confuse him as much as they possibly can with their slang, egregious spelling errors, and all-around ‘internet humour’. He doesn’t know what ‘wig’ or ‘worm’ or ‘oof’ or anything means. He has no idea what those dances are, or how they relate to the music that seems to always accompany them, and for the love of all that is good, don’t ask him what he thinks of this or that ‘meme’. What even is a ‘meme’, and should he be more concerned about his kids being obsessed with them? He tries, oh my god, does he try to follow the children’s conversations, but they somehow all learned a language he has no idea how to decrypt. His best response to them once they start speaking in tongues is as follows: smile but not too much, listen to child even though he is deeply confused, and pat child on head or shoulder when they are finished and are looking for assurance.  

He refuses to be a parent who ignores or tunes out his children, so he always makes sure to put down his work, his crossword, his tools, or whatever else is in his hands when a child searches him out for a conversation. But somehow, despite all the time he spends around them and their strange words, when he gets text from them comprised of abbreviations, acronyms, and completely random words, he goes a little cross eyed. He would never tell anyone, but he keeps a running list on his phone about the things they say that he has had to translate in the past. Spilling tea? Speaking the truth, usually to do with gossip. Wow? Multiple possible meanings: either a video game, or someone saying it (different pronunciation depending on context and who sent the text). Stickbug? A nice little prank with no ulterior motives, just for fun. Something along the lines of “this basic bitch Karen at the grocery store who is a dirty rat-licker and is def an anti-vaxxer just took 45 (forty-five) minutes to decide she didn’t actually want that almond milk. I Stan the cashier who had to put up with her. Rad af dude.” roughly translates to “A rude, middle-aged white woman who wasn’t wearing a mask and doesn’t believe in disease control or vaccinating her children wasted a great deal of an essential worker’s time in the checkout line. The cashier was very professional in their dealings with said customer and should be commended on their actions.”  

Given enough time, the internet for searching up new slang words, and occasionally some help from a friend (Alfred, Selina, Lucius, another of his children, etc), Bruce could decode and respond appropriately to most texts. He was quite proud of these achievements, and although he didn’t always like how often his children were on their phones or computers or gaming systems, he was quite proud of how integrated and easily they adapted to the ever-evolving world of electronics. All his kids were gifted in many ways, but their ability to learn, their hunger for knowledge, and their perseverance when exploring new and challenging ideas were always the things that he was most impressed by.  

He could do without their comments though. Yes, surprisingly, he did manage to get girlfriends with his type of texting. No, he doesn’t miss the ‘good old days’ when telegraphs were the main form of long-distance correspondence (how old do these brats think he is?!). And yes, he does know what a “tweet” is, and how to “post” on his social media accounts, and what “sliding into your DMs” is (thanks to a frantic search after a WE employee mentioned it near him). The Wayne children, truly whom and what Bruce considers his pride and joy, are cruel little jerks to him sometimes. His hoard of parenting books fails to mention what one should do when their children gang up on them. Bullying is covered of course, but he can’t really talk to a teacher or his guardian about how his second son calls him an idiot sandwich, or that his third son regularly tries to get him to do something “For The Vine”. His oldest and youngest boys are only slightly better in the bullying him department; Richard and his puppy dog eyes when he wants to do something dangerous or not-Alfred-approved, and Damian and his growing collection of pets because “Mother never let me have them, and I am deprived, and don’t you love me Father?”.  

His only good child is his beautiful daughter Cassandra, the flower of the Wayne clan. She gives him hugs, and pats his hands, and can sit with him and just enjoy the quiet and stillness when his other children are not around. Her language skills are improving by leaps and bounds every day, and her heart and spirit are unparalleled, but her main method of communication is in her movements. Her hands, her posture, her dancing; Bruce couldn’t think of a more graceful, fluid, powerful person if the world depended on it. His amazing little girl doesn't bully him (and if she ever does, he probably deserves it, he trusts her), so he turns to her most of all when it comes to communicating with someone else. She doesn’t let him send anything that is “sketchy” or “wrong words, bad meaning, Dad”. He would give the world to his children, but for Cassandra, he would destroy it and build her an entirely new one.

Social media, especially with his terrible children all having accounts dedicated to making him look like a simpleton, was another rocky terrain he had to navigate on the regular. He had professionals in place at WE to run the company’s many accounts, paid top dollar to help appeal and relate to the masses, but he mostly had to manage his personal accounts himself. And so, @TheRealBruceWayne was one of the greatest struggles in his adult life. Why can’t he just retweet every post from @WE_Offical and leave it at that? People should only want to know about what’s new with the company. What do you mean they want to know more about our family and private lives? That’s unnecessary, and not important to the running of the company, right? Right? Why are you laughing?!

Luckily, most people in his life aren’t so intimately aware of his struggles. He can act and lie all he wants about being “hip” and “woke” and whatever else the kids are saying these days when he’s with the JL or in board meeting intermissions, networking with his associates. The Batman knows all and sees all, Green Lantern, of course he understands how “Tiktok” works. The Batman is a robot without a funny bone in his body, Green Arrow, but I did witness him sigh and say “same” when he knocked his cup of coffee over while on monitor duty once. No matter how badly his darling children call him out, the Justice League would be so much worse. So, it’s one of his most importantly guarded secrets... even more so than his secret identity at this point. Being unmasked in front of every Gotham rogue would be less detrimental to him than his “friends” learning of his utter ineptitude in staying on top of the younger generations’ lingo.  

When questioned why the League doesn’t have a group chat or a forum or anything that they can use to contact each other outside of world ending matters and communicator (”because we’re friends, Batman! Ma and Pa Kent would love to have everyone over for a barbecue!”), the person who dared even mention texting isn’t even given a verbal response. They are just glared at, silently, often for several uninterrupted minutes, frozen in place only able to breathe shallowly in fear of setting off the Bat. “You know why” his glare says, “I’ll eat you, your family, and everything you have ever held dear” the younger members hear. No one makes the mistake of asking about it twice.  

Outside of his children and Alfred, and his small circle of true friends involved in all aspects of his life, there is only one more person Bruce allows to know of his Darkest Secret. Selina. Someone most people would recommend he not be involved with. Catwoman: accomplished thief, distraction, chaos-incarnate most nights, and his significant other. Sharp as a whip (ha) and crafty like no one’s business; he is head-over-heels. On again/Off again and all over the place their long romance has been, but no one has ever challenged him, intrigued him, like this clever, beautiful, amazing woman has. He’s brought his partners around his children before, both for their judgement, and for their worst behaviours to vet out any “unworthy” suitors. He trusts them explicitly to tell him the truth about those he allows into the manor; were they rude about Bruce wanting to have group outings, did they say something about Bruce’s money, did they get angry or shout or make anyone uncomfortable while they were here? If his children even looked slightly unhappy with someone he brought them to meet, that person would not be invited back. Children, he finds, have the best sight when meeting people; no motives other than finding safety and love, no fear of consequences from speaking honestly...  

Selina, or Catwoman, as they had known her first, was someone all of his kids liked without issue right off the bat. She would make puns and play word games with Richard, his first Robin, tiny, still working on his English, able to connect with him over their acrobatic abilities. His second Robin, Jason, skittish and feisty as an alley cat, knew of Catwoman and her daring escapades long before Bruce found him. The young boy had a few heroes, and no one (not even Wonder Woman) could compare to the incredible burglar who bought food and jackets and medicine for the street kids in Crime Alley. She was saintly in his eyes, and to this day, Bruce was still working on convincing Jason he was good enough for Selina. Tim and Cass and Stephanie (basically another daughter to Bruce, she spends so much time with the family) all joined the Wayne clan around the same time and officially met Selina as a friend and partner of his, and in the good graces of his first two sons. Selina, in all her nightly business, and many travels and acquaintances, had met the three independently, helping Tim get home safely back to Drake Manor when he escaped to photograph Batman and Robin in the dank darkness of Gotham when he was just a young boy, spending some time with Cassandra when her despicable father left her alone long enough to recover from his rough treatment, showing her the first scraps of kindness in her short life, and watching over and protecting Stephanie as she followed and sabotaged her father Cluemaster and his criminal activities. There was no need to win them over once they met her civilian identity, she had already gained their favour and acceptance, and they were happy to have her near their new family. Damian, his youngest, his biological son, took the longest to warm up to Selina. He would never fault his little boy for fighting so hard against a woman that was not his birth mother, especially after all the manipulation and cruelty dealt to him by Talia for the first decade of his life. But as he began to learn about his father, these people in his father’s life, and this woman that was Not His Mother but “still okay, I guess”, he grew to see her as acceptable. Her cats definitely helped, he’d say, no one with cats that loyal and happy can be a bad person.  

Selina, the love of his life, he’d admit quietly to himself, was also a dirty traitor and in cahoots with his terrible children. She would say his texting skills were “sweet” and “very gentlemanly” when she was asked by anyone outside the family, and privately to him she would say she thought they were “adorable” and “please don’t ever change, Bruce, I like it.” However, nothing seemed to bring her more joy than his children sending her texts and “Snaps” and “memes” about him to her. Sometimes it was screenshots of the family group chat that they forced him to join, where he would post “To whom it may concern...” and “In regards to...” when he needed to reach all his delinquents in a timely manner. Sometimes it was video clips of him staring at his phone intently, then typing something on his laptop, then him reading and nodding along, and then finally going back and responding to the text he received with a small, pleased smile. And sometimes, when he got too injured or was too incapacitated to text coherently, he’d have his nearest able child transcribe his text to her. Depending on who was texting her for Bruce, she could expect many different things. From Dick, she’d get lots of shorthand and silly emojis, and many, many, winky and crying/laughing faces in brackets depending on what Bruce had made him type. Jason, bless him, used proper English most of the time, but would never write a single word of Bruce’s soliloquy to her, instead she enjoyed the TL;DR version: “hurt again, missing you, come home soon, blah blah blah, sappy gross words here, love you”. Tim would allow speech recognition to run on Bruce’s phone, and just let it go until the man passed out. Stephanie, the little chaos child, would film it and send it to her, including all her muffled laughter and shaky camera shots of Bruce emoting with his available undamaged limbs. Cass, still more versed in physicality and emotive movement, would interpret Bruce’s text into mostly emojis, hearts and happy faces and animals, but would include photos, and phrases that she found important enough to type out for Selina. Damian, forever his Father’s son in any way possible, texts very formally, referring to her or his siblings Bruce mentions by last name only, and lots of “Father requests me to tell you...” and “Kyle, know that Father...”. She adores these kids, and once Bruce recovers enough to text her himself, or she gets back to the Manor, they get to laugh about whatever she was sent this time.  

So, while it’s true that Bruce couldn’t text his way out of a wet paper bag, and his kids are sometimes brats about it, there’s probably a lot of different reasons he doesn’t spend too much time trying to improve his skills. Whether it’s the smiles of his children, the giggles of his significant other, or the warm feeling in his chest when he sees all his important people bonding over him, well, in the end, who’s to say?

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #322

“you will hear it when your god cries  /  you will see it when the sun dies  /  upon the altars of change”

What is your favorite nickname that you’ve had? "Bee," from my old best friend. I don't want others calling me it, though. Where did you go on the best date you’ve been on? A big arcade. It was a super fun double-date. Have you ever gotten a professional massage? No, and I don't want one. It'd be so awkward. What’s your favorite milkshake flavor? Chocolate. What act would you be most likely to perform in a talent show? I got nothin'. If you had braces, do you wear your retainers still? I don't. If you had braces, have your teeth moved since you got them off? Yep, because of the whole "not wearing my retainer" thing. Whose was the first baby shower you remember attending, and for what baby? I'm unsure. Possibly my sister's for her first daughter. Do you know anyone personally who’s lost a child? Many people. When was the last time you did something that felt like rebellion? So every now and again, I get a massive craving for soda at night, so I grab one from the kitchen and can hear my sleeping mother rightfully nagging me about it, haha... What is one present you got for your last birthday? Ashley got me this really cool skull bank that says "tattoo fund" on it, aha. I love it. What is one thing that you took to show and tell as a kid? I have a clear memory of bringing a Snorlax plushie one day. Do you remember losing your first tooth? Not my first, no. Are you afraid to pop a balloon? Not really, but it's kinda easy to make me jump just a lil bit when one is popped. When was the last time you laughed when you shouldn’t have? I don't know. Which was better: the first The Lion King or the second? That is fucking HARD. I adore both, but I think the original is slightly better. Do any of your grandparents have a tattoo? I'm pretty sure none of them did. Do you believe that your pets feel love towards you? My cat, definitely. As for my snake, I'm aware that snakes' brains simply aren't developed enough for love, but she clearly trusts me. Are you proud of your body? Fuck no. I'm humiliated by it every waking moment. Watermelon or cherries? I don't like either, but if I had to pick, watermelon. Favourite brand of cookies? I don't really have a favorite brand. Have you ever stuck gum under a desk/chair? No, that shit grosses me out. When shopping at a grocery store, do you return your cart or just leave it? Return your goddamn cart. What is one thing you’d never want your parents to find out? Uhhhh. I guess places I've "done it." When you were little, did you like Dr. Suess books? I did. Do you like eating out at restaurants? Yeah; at least, before Covid. What was your least favorite year of your life so far? Fuck 2016 into the next millenium. Do you like fried bologna? I haven't had it in so long that I don't really remember the taste. I think I would. Have you spent money on a game online? Yeah, very briefly with WoW. Mom was nice enough to refresh my subscription after the breakup (Jason paid for it prior), but from then on, I was rich enough in-game to use monthly game tokens to "pay." Do you put a line through your "7"s? Yes. What about your "Z"s? Also yes. Do you like cold pizza? Yeah, yummy. Do you like broccoli and cheese? Yessss. Toaster or toaster oven? We've always used a toaster oven. What are you most known for? Being artsy, I guess. Do you have any reputations? What are they? *shrug* What was the last thing to leave you speechless? No clue. What is the curviest part of your body? Well, I'm overweight, so it's difficult to tell where I'm naturally curvy... but I guess my hips. Even when I was at a perfectly healthy weight though, I don't think I was exceptionally curvy anywhere. What is your opinion on sex change? You are entirely deserving to feel comfortable in your own body. If you’re still a virgin, how important is your virginity to you? I'm not, though I thought I was when we were together, when we were really just using a loophole. It was a denial thing BECAUSE my virginity was so important to me. If you have lost it already, do you regret it? No. Would you take a break after graduating from high school (like, postpone going to college for a year or so)? I didn't. What regret keeps coming back to haunt you daily? Things I said to Jason. If you could cure yourself of one allergy, what would it be? Pollen. Would you ever post a picture of yourself crying on social media? No. Have you ever held a newborn baby? Yeah, my most recent niece I actually held. I don't THINK I held Aubree or Ryder as newborns because I was so afraid of not doing it right and hurting them. Do you know anyone who has twins? Yeah. Are you following in the career path of any family members? No. What is your favorite country in Europe? Germany. How many times have your comments been top comments on YouTube? A few times. I rarely ever comment, but if I do, it's because I feel like I really have something worth saying. Would you ever wear a wig? I'm not opposed to it. Do you like the moon or sun more? The moon. Do you like turkey or ham more? Ham. Have you ever slapped someone’s butt? Yes. Do you think dimples are ugly? I think they're cute, actually. Have you ever deleted Facebook friends for a significant other? No. Have you ever spent the night in jail? No. Do you consider yourself a good kisser? I assume I am from experiences. Do you watch Pewdiepie? Not anymore, no. His current content doesn't interest me. The most recent thing I watched was his playthrough of The Last of Us 2, because I adore the first game and definitely wanted to see him play the sequel. I think he's pretty funny and have no personal issues against him, though then again I am so uninvolved in the fandom that I have no idea if he's done something stupid again. Do you like "Despacito?" Haha, my mind went to The Dark Den's bearded dragon before the song... I'm not a fan of it, no. Did you ever color your hair pink? No, but I absolutely want to dye it pastel pink one day. :( I even edited a picture of me "testing" different hair colors out, and pastel pink looked suuuuper pretty. Do you drink energy drinks? No, they're too strong for my taste. Do you have any subscribers on YouTube? I don't now how many I have, but I know it's below 100. Do you have a Steam account? Yeah. Have you ever played Five Nights at Freddy’s? No, but I enjoy the franchise. I'm not totally clear on all the lore, though. Do you like religion? Quite honestly, no. Do you swear in front of children? No. What is the next craft you are going to make? There's no telling. I don't really do crafts. What was your favorite Backstreet Boys song? Maybe "The Call." Favorite *N Sync song? I don't remember enough of them, at least not right now. Which of those two bands did you like best? The BSB, baby. Do you learn choreography easily? When I danced, I'd say I learned at a fairly average pace. What’s your favorite candy to receive on Halloween? Reeseeeeeee's. <3 Do you have a bobblehead? No. Have you ever had a lead role in a play? No. Have you ever been insulted or called names by a significant other? No. I wouldn't tolerate that shit. What’s your favorite movie battle scene? Oh man, idk. Maybe something from Troy, though I honestly barely even remember the movie by now, haha. Have you ever been to a same-sex wedding? No, actually. Who takes care of your pet(s) when you’re out of town? Hypothetically, one of my sisters would come to feed and water Roman and clean his box. I'm certain I couldn't talk either into spraying Venus' cage, though... What was the last thing you wrote down on paper? Some group work during therapy. Did you have a Walkman when you were a kid? No. What’s your favorite recipe you’ve come up with? Oh dear, I don't make those. Do you like celery? Yuck, no. By what age could you swallow pills? I dunno. A normal age. Do you like to drink alot of water? I need to drink more. :/ I've gotten better, though. For years, I literally never drank water. How I even survived, idk. How many times have you gone fishing? Countless times. Ever been to a roller-skating rink? Yeah. I loved having bday parties there as a lil'un. What do you refer to your mother as? (Mom, momma, mommy) Mom, Ma, and Mama. Have you ever swam in the ocean? Yeah, multiple times. What is the last movie that made you cry? I think the remake of The Lion King. What would you like to swim in other than water? Nothing? If you could uninvent one thing what would you chose? Damn, just one? Maybe cigarettes? Have you ever read someone's diary? Absolutely not. I respect people's privacy. Have you ever played in a waterfall? No, but that'd be dope. Who has inspired you the most in your life? Probably Mark. Is there a place where everyone who lives near you tends to hang out? Idk. Teens sure do love to hang out at Sonic, though, reving their stupid fucking trucks. Does your alarm clock wake you with music, or with an annoying buzz sound? Music. Did you make it all the way through the Oregon Trail game? Yes; I was obsessed with those as a kid. Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Which one are you more scared of? I feel like being alone with a tiger would scare me most. Though let's be real, I'd probably try to pet it. Have you ever changed your favorite color? From what to what? It was originally red, but then became pink when I actually understood it was its own color. Then it was maroon forever, and now it's back to pink. On a scale of 1-10, how competitive are you? Eh, 4-6? It depends on the situation, I guess. At what age did your have your most memorable birthday? My 21st, because I was in the psych hospital for it. Yes or no: Guys in skinny jeans? Yeah, man. Yes or no: Girls with dreads? Some people can pull it off. Have you ever attended a themed b-day party? What was the theme? Oh yeah, plenty. Do you have any Eminem on your iPod/MP3 player? I do. Has anybody ever given you a promise ring? No. What do you think about putting ‘spinners’ on cars? So long as they're not too distracting, I don't care. Do what you want with your car - again, so long as it is not disruptive. What celebrity do you wish would have a big comeback? I wish poor Britney Spears could catch a goddamn break and be happy again. She's a legend that doesn't deserve to feel like a puppet. Were you outdoors or indoors more as a kid? I'd say there was a pretty even split. Do you or have you ever owned a horse? No, but I LOVE horses. Have you ever had a relationship that began via text? (weird, I know, but it happens…) Most of my relationships started through a text message. Did you believe in unicorns as a small child? I don’t think so. Would you ever date a guy with longer hair than yourself? Yeah; I have short hair anyway, and I also like long hair on guys. Do you watch the show Wizards of Waverly Place? I used to love that show. Have you ever been to the rainforest? No; humidity aside though, that would be so amazing. Bats are not spooky or are they? I think they're precious. Do you like the song "Womanizer?" I sure do, actually. Do you like ice cream cake? Not really, but I'll eat it. Do you know how to change a tire? Nope. What kind of headphones do you have? Just cheap earplugs. Do you experiment a lot with new looks on yourself? No. What were some fun experiments you did in science class as a kid? Dissecting a frog was my favorite, and doing the same with an owl pellet was also very cool. What was the last strong emotion you felt? Guilt. I lied to get out of group therapy early because I was just NOT feeling it whatsoever that day, and I hate lying. Do you use dry shampoo between washes? No. Have you ever lived with someone you didn’t get along with? No. What types of animals have you had as pets? Jeez, what haven't we had... We've had cats, dogs, snakes, rats, gerbils, a rabbit, hamsters, lizards, fish, guinea pigs... Hell, I'm probably forgetting one or two. Can you name three good things about your most recent ex? She's so creative, a real advocate for proper reptile education and appreciation, and very kind. Name three bands/artists that you hate. Uhhh The Talking Heads, Bob Dylan, and The Police. What’s the best memory you have of your father? Playing softball with him in the front yard, and when he taught me to ride a bike. Should tattoos be meaningful? You get a tattoo for whatever reason you damn well want. I don't plan on all of mine to be meaningful. Some stuff I just want because I think it's cool. Are you afraid of the dark? No. Have you ever been through a trap door? No. What's the most recent good news you’ve heard? Hm. Who was the last person in your family to have a baby? My older sister. When’s the last time you used the microwave? Last night. What’s the worst thing in your life right now? Financial struggles. Have you ever owned a tire swing? No. Does anyone you know own a bird that can talk? No. Have you ever been someplace tropical? Yeah, Florida. Have Jehovah'ss witnessess ever called to your door? Yep. when was the last time you went to mass/church? I have no idea. It's been many years. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? Thank heavens no.

[elle-eedee]

dcom daddies: ranked

whats up sluts i’m here to give you the content you did NOT know you needed: a foolproof algorithmic ranking of a mild selection of disney channel dads!

beast (descendants)

hotness scale: extremely tall (over a foot taller than me! this is Very Important to the scale) and he seems to be a mere thread’s width away from Unhinged at all times, which i love. i also think it’s very sexy of him to still have such a monstrous way about himself (what with the roaring and the growling) 20something years post-curse.... makes me wonder very vividly if such energies carry to the b*droom........ *clears throat* 10/10

quality of character scale: it eternally amuses me that beast seems to learn almost Nothing over the course of this trilogy. he’s literally pro-isle the ENTIRE time jsjdndjdjd..... not great considering it puts him directly at odds with his son (and, like, with social progress) but he Does seem to act the way he does with the kingdom’s safety in mind! plus when he’s not accidentally supporting magical fascism he’s super dorky. i love his goofy dance moves 7.5/10

total score: 17.5/20...... with this score alone you can tell this system isnt rigged bc if i had it my way he’d be winning

hades (descendants)

hotness scale: i hate his party city clown wig but i’m a total sucker for guys in makeup (EVEN THOUGH A DECENT SHADE OF LIPSTICK WOULD HAVE BROUGHT HIS ENSEMBLE TOGETHER. WHY DID THEY PROPOSE IT ON THE CHARACTER DESIGN WALL IF THEY WERENT GONNA FOLLOW THROUGH!!!) and i think the fact that hes Very Sleepy and doesnt own a dog makes him my dream guy 9.5/10

quality of character scale: he literally sings a song about how cool he thinks it is that he’s a shitty dad............ but he DOES come through when his kid needs him, so that’s nice i guess. i would have liked to see more of him but i’ll settle for reading and writing intricate fan works that delve into a hypothetical personality for him that’s mainly conjecture 7.25/10

total score: 16.75/20 i wanna see him in some preppy auradon clothes

jafar (descendants)

hotness scale: i wish i had nicer things to say about this man. he just....... bears so little resemblance to the original jafar it makes me :( maybe if he was more gangly, or if he carried himself w the same potent gay energy that og jafar has? itd also help it he wasnt a racist caricature. 4.5/10

quality of character scale: again, very much a racist caricature. jafar doesnt steal!!! why would This be what he chose to do with himself! but he does seem to be, perhaps, the least bad of the core four’s parents, which counts for something i suppose. 3/10

total score: 7.5/20 sorry bud

dr facilier (descendants)

hotness scale: listen. it’s dr facilier. what am i supposed to do, NOT give him a perfect score on the sexy scale? 10/10

quality of character scale: he just loves his daughter and wants to make sure she’s getting what’s hers!!!!! his dynamic with celia makes me really happy they seem so fun! though i guess you could argue it sucks that he’d send his darling babey dohter to do errands for big mean scary hades considering that Everyone on the isle seems to quake at the sight of him. but im sure facilier only does that to ensure that celia can hold her own! 8/10

total score: 18/20 and it’d probably be higher if we’d seen more of him

mr smee (descendants)

hotness scale: not only does this man fuck, judging by the ages of his kids he fucked RECENTLY. get it baby live your truth 7/10

quality of character scale: he seems to be SO kind and sweet to his baby sons..... holding their little hands and such!!! and judging by how nervous the kids are i’d imagine it was primarily smee’s idea for them to go to auradon. extremely noble sacrifice for their benefit even though he’ll miss them 10/10!!!!!

total score: 17/20 i want to kiss his hand, if he’ll have me

zevon necrodopolous (zombies)

hotness scale: every time i look at this man i think of this post. he’s the perfect amount of frumpy for my tastes and his voice is so unique!!!!! i’d let his z-band malfunction so he could *** ** ***** * ******* **** 9/10

quality of character scale: really really cares about his kids and wants them to be safe!! he raises his voice once which im not a huge fan of but i suppose it was justified given the circumstances. also that shot of him goofing about with d*le in the end scene shows remarkable capacity for forgiveness after decades of trauma and discrimination! what a guy. 9/10

total score: 18/20 an absolute dilf!!!!!

dale (zombies)

hotness scale: looks like an uncrustable. 0/10

quality of character scale: a fucking cop. die bitch! 0/10

total score: 0/20 get in since you wanna act clown

coach jack bolton (high school musical)

hotness scale: honestly pretty young for my tastes. and i literally Always swipe left on athletes, so..... fine looking, but not for me. 5/10

quality of character scale: obviously he grows as the series progresses but i feel like jack is Always in the way of troy getting what he wants, which sucks. i like that he’s kinda goofy on his off hours with his family exactly as much as i Hate how much he yells when hes on the job. i do wish we lived in the timeline where he and miss darbus actually had that duet about their disagreements, though. 5/10

total score: 10/20 truly an Average dcom daddy

vance evans (high school musical)

hotness scale: due to personal reasons i will be having bad taste. however, this man’s fashion sense in IMPECCABLE. i mean, the colors??? the unbuttoned collar???? come on now. there is also the gratuitous use of the d-word to consider......................... anyways 7.5/10

quality of character scale: it’s hard to tell how much of his interest in furthering troy’s career is out of sincerity and how much of it is sharpay nudging him. but either way the result is a man who supports his daughter unconditionally! he could be nicer to ryan, though (plus he’s an evil capitalist) 6/10

total score: 13.5/20 i feel like he and fulton have had Relations

mr gifford (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: listen, i’m a simple guy. i see a basic-looking man pursuing age gap romance in the midst of a mid-life crisis, i support him unconditionally. also i am just Really vibing with that oversized denim shirt on him!!! there’s an egregious amount of arm hair poking out that just works. good for him! and this is a small moment but i’m very flustered over his natural Touchy Feely instinct after wen pokes out his eye... however: man has no eyebrows. 8.5/10

quality of character scale: i’m not a child of divorce so i don’t know how this stuff works, but i feel like he springs a lot of major decisions on wen? not ideal. on the other hand, we DO stan that he has sydney move in before they’re married. this is not a christian home!!!! 6/10

total score: 14.5/20 probably my favorite lemonade mouth dad, but mostly because he’s like the only one paid any attention by the narrative

mr banjaree (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: men really have beautifully sculpted noses and we just let them, huh. i’m definitely overusing the word Handsome in this list, but in this case? i’m justified. mr banjaree’s beard suits him SO well and his hair looks so soft...... and we love the implicit cleanliness of a man who wears socks in the house! 8/10

quality of character scale: i super SUPER dont agree with this man’s Smothering-Adjacent Methods (and also i know firsthand that strict parentage just drives kids to be more rebellious, lmao) but all things considered he really just wants the best for his family PLUS he’s willing to meet mo halfway at the end! :’) 6/10

total score: 14/20 the way i feel about him is the way i feel when i get crushes on pastors in that You Are Complicit In My Trauma But We’re Gonna Kiss About It way

mr delgado (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: OOOOH GLASSES! 5/10

quality of character scale: it’s sort of implied that the Wacko Energies of charlie’s family are mostly the fault of his mom so it’s cool of this man to distance himself from that. he is, of course, still complicit in Whatever The Hell Her Deal Is unless he is constantly fighting with her offscreen 6/10

total score: 11/20 would have loved to see more of him

mr yamada (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: another chapter in the saga of unbuttoned collars! doesn’t get a lot of opportunities to show off his strengths but i appreciate that he is not the thinnest dad in town 6.5/10

quality of character scale: WOW fuck this guy. very dismissive of stella’s aspirations!!!!! i don’t like that he feels the need to talk Over her to her mom when he’s asking about her vegetarianism. dude she is right there.... however it’s a lil touching when he holds her guitar up at the end, so... 4/10?

total score: 10.5/20 *thinks about his slightly protruding tummy in his last scene* *thinks about his slightly protruding tummy in his last scene* *thi

bob duncan (good luck charlie: it’s christmas!)

hotness scale: in keeping this Specific to the feature-length xmas special, i will say that bob duncan is QUITE handsome! disappointed that he was wearing a shirt in the scene at the pool.... ill bet if this movie came out post-workout/makeover he’d have been shirtless >:/ i feel robbed... spare tummy, sir? spare tummy? additionally i love a man who rolls up his sleeves AND a man who stans kaiju movies!! also i love that he, quite literally, canonically fucks 8.5/10

quality of character scale: he’s about as charmingly incompetent as he is in the show, but the difference here is that he literally did not do a damn thing wrong! all he wanted to do was be civil with his inlaws and he frankly deserves MUCH better. its clear from his banter with the kids that he loves them very much (also i love how frequently he feels the need to jump/dive for things in this movie. silly slapstick icon) 8.75/10

total score: 17.25/20 this man’s mere presence oozes nostalgia

jerry russo (wizards of waverly place: the movie)

hotness scale: this man was MADE for me. the bottomless collection of hawaiian shirts....... the TWO tummy out scenes..........the fucked up evil thing his voice does when the kids try to steal the spellbook!!! he really has it all. also i love that he is truly just trying to have some beach intercourse 9/10

quality of character scale: i love that even when he doesn’t remember the kids he still maintains a little dadly rapport with them? the instincts...... it’s also incredibly good of him to relive his decision to give up his magic without hesitation once he realizes the severity of the situation :’0 10/10

total score: 19/20 i’ve never seen an episode of the show but im really about to start

neil morris (dadnapped)

hotness scale: handsome....... mr morris makes me feel simultaneously like a sapiosexual AND a morosexual because although he completed enough schooling to become a dentist, he also threw it away for a writing career like an absolute champ. also i find it unbelievably charming how Along For The Ride he is about the idea of being kidnapped. a man after my own heart 8.25/10

quality of character scale: this is a tricky one...... neil DOES show active concern for his daughter’s safety when push comes to shove, but he also has my least favorite type of redemption arc: “you THOUGHT i was neglecting you, but actually i was thinking about you the whole time and just never expressed it! we good?” so like. bleh. but he’s pretty mild mannered which i deeply appreciate in a man! 6.5/10

total score: 14.75/20 maybe talk to your daughter instead of writing a macgyver ripoff, dumbass

major joe mason (princess protection program)

hotness scale: prime dad bod, very believable for his line of work. also he has such a Gentle Way about himself when he’s around princesses....... i love all the hand holding when he’s escorting rosie. absolutely my type 8.75/10

quality of character scale: gosh.... where do i even BEGIN!!! his whole dynamic with carter is so ideal... i was apprehensive at first because his job would require him to be Absent a lot of the time, but upon reflection it’s clear that he’s raised carter well enough that he can totally trust her to be on her own, and also she’s only sad to see him go because she sincerely enjoys his company. everything about his profession is so noble and i love the way he can carry himself as casually or as politely as a given situation calls for. worst thing he does is say “i might have to stop calling you ‘pal’” because his daughter is wearing a pretty dress. i wish he was my dad but i’ll settle for him being my husband 9.75/10

total score: 18.5/20 i almost made a ppp self insert this morning specifically for Him

ted thompson (zapped)

hotness scale: athletes arent sexy!! this guy’s face screams The Only Websites I Know How To Use Are Facebook And Reddit and also he’s a dog person BUT he is sporting quite the tumbey if i do say so myself and for that i shall let him live. 4/10

quality of character scale: ok i know the whole point of this movie is Boys Bad but i hate men who are loud and i hate dads who get Weird about the inherent femininity of their daughters. when he calls zoey “sport” and then cringes like he’s made a mistake? dumb and unnecessary. HOWEVER all of his efforts to bond with zoey are really really sincere. like when he fixes her music box? that has NOTHING to do with the app he just Does It!!!! the movey mightve rubbed off on me a little too much but there are multiple ways to show love and just bc im not used to his way doesnt mean it has no worth! 6/10

total score: 10/20 mr thompson sir im sorry i doubted you at the start of the film

rob adams (radio rebel)

hotness scale: this man dresses 5-10 years younger than he looks and i respect that for him. but i was expecting him to be a bit more of a slimeball considering how tara talks about him in the opening scene... and you guys know how much i love slimeballs. regardless, pretty handsome! 6.5/10

quality of character scale: it’s nice that he goes to such a Public and Corporate effort to connect to his stepdaughter! even if it’s in a way that financially benefits him, it’s pretty clear that he cares about this family and wants to do right by them. nothing exceptional, though 7/10

total score: 13.5/20 i GUESS i’d be down to smash if he asked

ralph bartlett (read it and weep)

hotness scale: ok i was gonna say something mean about the fact that he’s balding but honestly he has really nice arms........ in addition he’s really quirky and optimistic which i am going to admire into my grave!! when he gets excited about having customers during the finale his voice quirks with an almost charlie day-esque charm. handsome. ALSO he calls jamie “princess” which is!!!!!!! something 7.5/10

quality of character scale: the way ralph parents his kids is Very 2000s in that he kinda babies his daughter but gets to pal around with his son, but i guess both dynamics come from a place of love and he could be doing much worse. plus he’s an honest hardworking small business owner! i support him 7/10

total score: 14.5/20 i would definitely go out for pizza with him

dr james hartley (how to build a better boy)

hotness scale: THIS. THIS IS WHAT DCOM DADDIES ARE ALL ABOUT. gosh..... this is truly the Most dad ive ever seen in my life. i love how his hair is always mussed..... how he’s so Desperate to relax that he falls asleep after Fifteen Seconds of smooth jazz..... and also. like. hes a scientist?? hello??? pretty sexy of him. i want to give this man the relaxation he deserves 10/10

quality of character scale: ok so,,,...,, kinda fucked up that he lied to his whole family (with the possible exception of his wife—sidenote, WHY did they make dr hartley married? his wife never comes up except when bart says she’s out of town. let him be single so i can slide into those dms) and EXTRA kinda fucked up that he works for the government? what a scab. BUT it’s very very clear that he cares about his kids (and gabby) and prioritizes their safety above all else! also, did you SEE how happy he was when mae won homecoming queen....... he loves her so so so much! :’0 8.5/10

total score: 18.5/20 i thirst tweeted about this man and roger bart replied ‘Aw, thanks!’ so i dont know where to go from here

[auncyen]

The Gift of the Magpies

I suspect koma already knows I am her Secret Santa. MERRY CHRISTMAS, KOMA. This was a slightly silly idea, but I hope you enjoy it.

[nellie-elizabeth]

Outlander: Blood of My Blood (4x06)

I AM BLESSED. THIS WAS SO MUCH MORE THAN I HAD EVER HOPED FOR.

Cons:

I've been trying to be nice about the wigs, but I really noticed Claire's wig this week. It just does not look like her real hair. It's distracting.

I understand that this is a love story between Jamie and Claire, but their sex scenes have always been pretty uninteresting to me. That's a personal preference thing, and not an actual fault with the show or the books either. I just find myself uninterested whenever things get steamy. It feels like a narrative waste of time when there are so many characters and moments I want to see.

Pros:

That said, I do like the detail of the ring that Jamie gives to Claire. Obviously they're deviating from the books, but I like that we're getting back to something important from the books, but in a different way. The ring is gorgeous!

The scenes where John and William come to Fraser's Ridge are some of my favorites in all of the books. I was thrilled to see that we were going to explore that here, but undeniably nervous that we weren't going to do it justice. There were some things that were cut out, like I think Fergus and Ian are both at the Ridge at this part of the books, and Murtagh certainly isn't, but actually I like that some of the moments are absent here, like Willie falling into a ditch with a snake. It allows us to put more focus on the things that matter the most, at least to me.

The kid playing William actually does a pretty good job. He's playing William as this slightly petulant yet well-mannered young kid. He's acting his age, and it's done pretty well. He plays distraught very well, and I like that his obvious fear for his father shines out throughout the camping scenes. The moment when Jamie and Willie encounter the Cherokee was extremely well done. This was actually one of the few moments so far that I've thought the portrayal of the Native characters was done well. They demand blood justice for William's transgression, which sounds really harsh and alien and "savage." But instead they just cut Willie slightly on the hand, and consider the debt paid, because they honor William's honesty in trying to protect Jamie.

Jamie is so clearly thrilled to see his son, but there's the obvious tension of being unable to be honest with him about their relationship. The moment when Willie says "Mac" was just so satisfying in its heartbreak. Of course, Jamie later tells the Cherokee that he's William's father, to protect him from punishment. William logically thinks that Jamie is lying in order to protect him, and sets the matter straight. Jamie would of course do anything to protect a child in need, but his desperation to save William is obviously particularly strong because of their relationship. The best material with William comes when he asks Jamie why he failed to turn around to look at William one last time when he left Helwater all those years ago. Jamie says he didn't want to give William false hope. Now, as John and William ride away from Fraser's Ridge, William intentionally turns to look back at Jamie, giving him hope.

I talked about this last week, but I do want to mention that Murtagh's inclusion in the story is a really smart idea. Having him around to be a face for the regulators adds personal stakes in an interesting way. It also felt appropriate to have someone at Fraser's Ridge who sees John Grey as the Red Coat that he is, and remembers him strictly in the context of Ardsmuir. Obviously I love John, and Jamie clearly respects him a great deal, but Murtagh is not wrong to remember their past together. It's obviously sweet that Jamie refuses to consider pumping John for information about Governor Tryon, though.

Okay. John. Just. Every little moment. I want to sit here and do a frame-by-frame breakdown of all the stuff with John that I loved, but I'll try and restrain myself. His scenes with Jamie are so great. I love that he calls him "Jamie" in the show, because in the books he almost never does. He is quite open with how pleased he is to see Jamie, and the two of them even share a little joke when John tries to make it sound like he's just swinging by on his way to Virginia, and Jamie points out that he's making quite the large detour. Jamie and John are just so comfortable and genuinely friendly and affectionate with one another. We get to see the chess game, where John asks Jamie if he's content with his life, and Jamie replies that he is, listing among his reasons for happiness that he has good friends. When John falls ill, we see that Jamie is genuinely concerned, not just for Willie but for John as well.

And then there's the stuff with Claire and John. I'm so pleased that they kept this stuff in. It would have been easy to reduce this material or even cut it out altogether, but instead we got pretty much the entire book scene, if not more. Claire and John have this incredibly interesting dynamic. There's respect, there's wariness, there's envy, and there's even some real affection and understanding. John and Claire both know what it is to raise Jamie's child, even if neither of them was able to do so with Jamie by their side.

John getting delirious and saying things he shouldn't be saying out loud really got to me. I love his assessment of Claire as being devastatingly straight-forward. Claire says: "Well it's not by choice. I was born that way." That seemed a very pointed thing for Claire to say, maybe even intentional, and it seems that John picks up on it when he responds: "So was I." For obvious reasons, these characters aren't going to have a particularly progressive view on homosexuality, but I feel like the subject matter is being treated with the right amount of delicacy here. John thinks of his feelings for Jamie as a character flaw, but he doesn't blame himself for it. Not exactly an enlightened take, but it's one that makes sense for the time. I like that Claire treats John as a human being with complex emotions, and doesn't seem disgusted by John's feelings for Jamie. She's obviously uncomfortable with them, which makes sense in the context of watching someone pine after your husband.

I could go on and on. John gifts Jamie with his chess set, which is cute, and then John and William ride off, leaving the story just as quickly as they entered it. In adapting these enormous books into a television show, there is by necessity going to be a lot that gets cut. I'm always nervous that my favorite characters or moments will be the ones to get the short end of the stick, so I was enormously pleased to have a whole episode devoted to some of my favorite book material!

I'm excited to see Brianna's journey next episode!

9.5/10

[deztinywarriors]

The Linked Charms - Episode 9 (Multi Liverpool players)

[earlyandoftenpodcast]

(Lewis Morris, a prominent landowner in New York, a central figure in the Morris-Cosby dispute of the 1730s, and owner of a truly terrible powdered wig.)

During the early 1700s, the colony of New York is divided by two successive bursts of factionalism, one over taxes and the other over a ridiculously trivial salary dispute.

>>>Direct audio link<<<

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Transcript and Sources:

Hello, and welcome to Early and Often: The History of Elections in America. Episode 35: Fight, Fight, Fight!

Last time, we talked about New York’s political history in the two decades after Leisler’s Rebellion. In the aftermath of the Rebellion, New York was divided into two rival factions, the pro- and anti-Leislerians. Several times, governors were sent to New York with instructions to be conciliatory to both sides, but unfortunately, each governor soon aligned himself with one faction or the other.

Benjamin Fletcher, who served from 1692 to 1697, sided with the anti-Leislerians, because that was his best bet at making money through corruption. After he was recalled to England to answer for his actions, his successor, Lord Bellomont, who served from 1698 to 1701, swung in the opposite direction. He was there to fight corruption, and so he wound up siding with the Leislerians instead. But he died unexpectedly, and then Lord Cornbury, who served from 1702 to 1708, reversed course again, and followed the corrupt, anti-Leislerian policies of Governor Fletcher.

It was only with the arrival of William Hunter in 1710 that things finally calmed down. Governor Hunter was competent and well-liked, unlike his predecessors, and he soon put an end to the factionalism by being nice to both sides. So that’s where we left things off last time. Governor Hunter was in office and the pro- and anti-Leislerians had gone away.

Today, we’re going to look at the next two periods of factionalism. The first round of factionalism took place during the 1710s and 1720s. This was a rivalry between the two most powerful economic groups within the colony, the merchants and the big landlords, over who should have to pay more in taxes. The next round of factionalism took place in the 1730s. This time the cause was a personal rivalry between the governor and some of the other  leading men of the colony.

But first, the fight between the merchants and the landlords. To begin, we need to talk some more about what the economy of New York was like at this time. Most of the American colonies only had one group of rich families. For instance, in New England, all of the rich men were merchants, while in the Chesapeake, all of the rich men were plantation owners. In New York, however, there were two different kinds of rich families, with different interests: the merchants and the big landowners. Now, obviously merchants often used their money to buy land, and landowners were often involved in trade, but families were more focused on one thing or the other. They were distinct enough to form two separate interest groups, at the very least.

There were four main merchant families in New York around this time. None of them were English. Three were Dutch, the Philipses, the Van Cortlandts, and the Schuylers, while the fourth, the DeLanceys, were founded by a French Protestant. All of these families were intermarried with each other. They traded in all sorts of goods, and with all sorts of people, from the Iroquois to Europe to the Caribbean.

The landlords I’ve already talked about a bit. These men were the recipients of those large estates being handed out by Governors Fletcher and Cornbury. Well, they were already rich men beforehand, but the extra land certainly helped. In fact it made them some of the biggest landowners in the colonies. These were much larger estates than the plantations in Virginia, although they were run very differently. Tobacco didn’t grow up there and slave labor was ineffective. So instead, the land was parceled out to tenant farmers, more like how the nobility in Europe might rent their land out to peasants.

And though these estates were huge, much of the land went uncultivated, since not many people wanted to be tenant farmers when they could be freeholders elsewhere. So despite their great size, these manors might have only a few dozen or a few hundred families living on them. And over time the land was subdivided and sold off, so this wasn’t really like a permanent Old World aristocracy.

Some of these manors were given feudal privileges, such as the right to hold courts and to demand corvee labor from their tenants, but in practice those feudal elements didn’t amount to much.

But these landlords were still powerful men. They basically controlled the government on their lands. Their tenant farmers could vote, but in practice they almost always voted for whoever the landlord supported. Three of the estates were large enough to have their own delegate in the Assembly, and in each of those cases, the delegate was always a member of the landowner’s family, and the elections were uncontested until the 1760s.

The two most politically active landed families were the Morrises, who were English, and the Livingstons, who were Scottish. Both of those families will pop up again several times.

So those are the merchants and the landlords. Now, what was it that these two groups disagreed about? What makes this split politically important?

Well, the main issue was taxation. In New York at this time there were two sorts of taxation. The main type was taxes on imported goods and a few other things like liquor. This tax hurt the merchants most of all. The other, less important type of taxation was a property tax, which was only imposed irregularly, on an as-needed basis. This tax harmed landowners most of all.

And unfortunately for New York, the colony was still in debt, so taxes were going to have to go up, one way or another. I think you can see where this is going. The stage was now set for a fight over who was going to foot the government’s bills. Would import taxes go up, or land taxes? Over the last few decades the merchants in New York had been growing richer and more influential. They resented the fact that the burden of taxation fell more heavily on them, and now they had enough clout to fight back.

So although Governor Hunter had successfully ended the last period of factionalism, already there were new problems brewing.

When he arrived in New York Hunter acted as though he would be friendly to both sides, just like with the pro- and anti-Leislerians, but soon enough he began to side just with the landowners. That seems to happen a lot with these governors: they come in, planning to be bipartisan, or at least saying they’ll be bipartisan, but soon they figure out it’s better to side with one faction over the other.

Why Hunter sided with the landowners over the merchants isn’t exactly clear. At the time, people thought he’d decided on the basis of a friendship with Lewis Morris, one of the leaders of that faction. Or maybe he just thought that the landowners had better arguments. Or maybe he disdained merchants in general, as being socially inferior to the landed gentry. Or maybe it was that the merchants were mostly Dutch. Who knows. Probably some combination of those things.

In any case, within a few years it was clear what the new dividing lines within New York were.

As it happened, the merchants controlled the Assembly for the first several years of Hunter’s administration, and they refused to raise regular tax revenue to pay for the government, knowing that the burden would fall mostly on them. But as a result, the fiscal situation was growing increasingly dire, and Governor Hunter had his back against the wall.

So in 1713 he called for new elections, hoping that the next Assembly would be more compliant. He and Lewis Morris, that landowner friend of his, led a concerted campaign to win the elections. They published several pamphlets, attacking the merchant faction, calling them “a Few Whimsical, Factious and Angry Men”. They argued that taxes on imported goods were mostly paid by the rich, and that taxes on land would hurt both rich and poor landowners alike.

However, that wasn’t enough to win the election. Both factions wound up in about the same position as before. So, since they couldn’t win at the polls, Hunter and Morris had to hammer out a compromise with the opposition to keep the government running. Hunter would get his revenue, but he agreed to give the Assembly much more direct control over how that money was spent going forward. That’s a common pattern you’ll notice: with each crisis, the assembly within a colony would use its leverage to get more and more control over finances, greatly increasing its power over time. The rise of colonial legislatures in this way was one of the most notable trends in eighteenth century America. And because of this self-government, by the time independence came around, the colonists were pretty used to ruling themselves, since the governors had already become weak figures.

Anyway, Governor Hunter also agreed to a bill which naturalized foreign born New Yorkers, whose citizenship had been in doubt. Even with this agreement, most of the merchants still stood in opposition, but enough men defected to get everything passed.

In fact, Governor Hunter became so frustrated with how unruly the Assembly was that he wrote a satirical play about it, called “Androboros: A B[i]ographical Farce in Three Acts”, which was actually the first original play to be printed in America.

In this play, instead of an Assembly, there’s an insane asylum, full of inmates who are very obvious stand-ins for Hunter’s political enemies, but with names like “Fizle”, “Mulligrub” and “Doodlesack”. These buffoonish inmates are plotting to overthrow the keeper of the insane asylum, very obviously a stand-in for Governor Hunter himself, and replace him with one of their own. First they smear feces all over a minister’s robes and try to blame it on the keeper, and when that doesn’t work they try to lure him into a trap door, only to fall in themselves. In the end, the inmates are defeated in their ludicrous scheming, and the keeper retains his position.

Apparently this play was never performed back in the 1700s, it was only printed. But you may be interested to know that just last year, in 2017, a theater company in New York performed the play for the first time ever. That’s one way to keep history alive.

Anyway, in between writing plays and verse, Governor Hunter also made sure to further strengthen his relationship with the landowner faction. In addition to his friendship with Lewis Morris, he also became friends with Robert Livingston, from the other big landowning family. In 1715, he made sure to give the Livingston manor its own seat in the Assembly, which meant that he was one man closer to controlling it.

And in fact, in the elections held that next year, a number of prominent merchants lost their seats for whatever reason, which meant that Governor Hunter and the landowners were now in power.

Well, in power within the colony at least. But since the merchant faction was now shut out from New York’s government, they changed tactics. Rather than try to control the Assembly, they instead appealed to the Board of Trade in London, hoping to talk them into blocking some of the Governor’s new taxes. Basically, they were unhappy with the way their boss was running things, so as a workaround they tried to appeal to their boss’s boss.

That was the best way to get power. If you had London on your side, you were in charge. But unfortunately for the merchants, two could play at that game, and Governor Hunter had plenty of connections in England himself. After a few years, the Board of Trade backed Governor Hunter, with some minor reservations.

That actually takes us to the end of Governor Hunter’s time in New York. He left the colony in 1719. He’d only served as governor for nine years, which really wasn’t that long of a time, considering how slow things moved back then.

Anyway, his successor was another Scottish guy, William Burnet. Unfortunately, Burnet was a less skilled politician than Hunter. Although Hunter had sided mostly against the merchants, he was still on friendly terms with them, and he hadn’t let factionalism get too out of hand. As far as I can tell he was widely respected, even by his rivals. Governor Burnet, on the other hand, was not so tactful. Upon arrival, he promptly sided 100% with the landed interests. He didn’t feel the need to conciliate the merchants at all.

He also broke with precedent by not calling for new elections. Normally, when a new governor arrived, he would dissolve the old Assembly. But since the 1716 Assembly was already dominated by his new allies, Burnet decided to just keep that Assembly in place. Why rock the boat? That was a legal thing to do, but it was unpopular.

He also removed the last members of the merchant faction from the Council, as supposed enemies of good government.

On top of that, Burnet pursued some unpopular economic policies. For instance, he tried to cut off Albany’s trade with Quebec, since he thought that it undermined New York’s security. Naturally, Albany didn’t like that at all. There were other important issues as well, which I’m not going to get into, such as how trade with the Indians should be regulated.

The point is that Governor Burnet was doing a lot of stuff that was bound to make him unpopular, regardless of whether or not it was a good idea. None of this led to an immediate wave of opposition, but discontent was growing over time.

There were special elections to fill vacant seats in the Assembly in 1723, ‘24, and ‘25, and the merchants won each of them. Governor Burnet, as undiplomatic as always, tried to challenge the qualifications of one of those men to sit in the Assembly, by arguing that he wasn’t a citizen. But as I mentioned already, 10 years ago Governor Hunter had agreed to a bill which naturalized foreigners, specifically over concerns like this. So the Assembly unanimously agreed to seat the man, which must have been a major rebuke to Burnet.

By now the opposition to Burnet was becoming more open. Burnet reacted with threats rather than negotiations, which turned opinion against him even more. The merchant faction lobbied the Board of Trade in London to block some of the governor’s legislation, this time successfully.

Finally, the pressure against Governor Burnet built to the point that he agreed to hold elections for the first new Assembly in 11 years. The merchants did very well for themselves, unsurprisingly. But actually, it didn’t really matter. The year after that, Burnet was removed as governor of New York and made governor of Massachusetts instead. So he was out of New York’s hair. Actually, he was soon out of Massachusetts’ hair as well, since he died within two years of being transfered.

The next governor of New York, John Montgomerie, wound up siding with the merchant faction, but he also died quickly, after only three years in office.

But in fact, by this point the merchant/landowner rivalry was starting to lose its potency, thanks to various changes within the economy. By the 1730s, the economy of New York was becoming complex enough that you could no longer so clearly distinguish between merchants and landowners as separate interest groups. And divisions were opening up within the merchant faction. Previously, the merchants in Albany and New York City had had similar interests. But Albany was shifting away from just trading furs. Now they were shipping a wide variety of local goods, which meant that their interests now aligned more with their landowning neighbors than with the merchants of New York City.

So, after less than 20 years, things in New York had once again changed enough that the old factions withered away. But New York never stayed placid for long.

That brings us to the Morris-Cosby dispute of the 1730s. Unlike the previous struggle we’ve just been talking about, which was straightforwardly about two competing economic interests, this dispute began as a minor personal disagreement over salary that escalated into something bigger.

The first person in this dispute is Lewis Morris, the big landowner who had been an ally of Governor Hunter. At the moment, he was serving as chief justice of the supreme court. All you really need to know about his personality is that he was very much a politician who loved to be in the thick of partisan fighting.

The other figure in the dispute is the new governor, William Cosby. Cosby was another man like Fletcher or Cornbury: in it to make money for himself rather than to govern well. He wasn’t qualified for the job and he only got the appointment thanks to his wife’s connections. He also had a rather authoritarian temperament.

When he arrived in New York, Governor Cosby quickly sided with the merchant faction which still controlled the Assembly. They agreed to raise the money he wanted and to give him a good salary, while he agreed to not call for elections.

Now we come to the minor dispute which sets everything else off. It’s a little bit involved, but don’t worry about the details. None of this will be on the test.

Apparently in New York at this time, for some reason it was standard that when a new governor arrived, the man who had been serving as acting governor in the interim would give to the governor half of the salary he had earned while acting as governor. Governor Cosby asked the former acting governor, Rip Van Dam, to give him his share, but Van Dam refused.

Cosby sued Van Dam to collect the money, but he figured that his case wouldn’t have a chance if he had to face a jury of unsympathetic New Yorkers. So he tried to come up with a workaround, a way to avoid having his case be tried by a jury. The solution he came up with was to order the New York supreme court to sit as a court of exchequer. I won’t get into all the legal technicalities here, but basically what that means is he wanted the supreme court to hear his case and decide the matter itself, under special rules which bypassed the need for a jury.

However, this was a controversial move, and it wasn’t clear whether or not Cosby’s request was legal. Did the governor have the authority to create a new court on his own authority, just like that, or did he need the Assembly’s approval? The case was brought before the supreme court, which at the time consisted of three men, Lewis Morris, the chief justice, who came from the landed faction, and two other men from the merchant faction.

The first issue the court had to decide was whether or not it had the authority to hear the case in the first place. Unsurprisingly, Chief Justice Morris said no, that the Assembly had to approve the creation of any new courts. The governor’s authority was insufficient. But the other two justices said that yes, the governor did have the authority. A typical partisan split.

However, although Morris had been outvoted, he used his position as chief justice to simply shut the proceedings down and stop the court from hearing the case any further. To be more precise, he insulted the arguments of his colleagues and then walked out, which prevented anyone from rendering a verdict. Which I would think is legally questionable tactic, but back then everything was a bit legally dubious, given how primitive the courts were.

After this, Governor Cosby decided not to press his lawsuit against Van Dam any further. Instead, he escalated the matter in a different way, by removing Morris from the supreme court.

I suppose things could have ended there, but Morris wasn’t the sort of person to take this blow lying down. He decided to take the feud public, by running for a vacant seat in the Assembly. You remember two episodes ago, when I described an unusually spirited election where both sides led big parades of men on horseback? Well, that was this election. I won’t go over the specifics again, I’ll just remind you that Morris won. But that wasn’t the end of it. Morris’s victory was merely the first step in a bigger escalation. What had been a petty dispute among the elite was about to become a partisan dispute among the people at large.

Morris and the other leaders of his faction -- I’ll just call them the Morrisites from now on -- the Morrisites decided that public opinion would be a useful weapon against the governor. So they came up with a platform that they thought would have broad appeal. According to the historian Michael Kammen: “Lewis Morris, Sr. built a coalition of Hudson Valley farmers and New York City artisans along with small traders there and in Albany. To hold their support he offered the farmers better roads, cheaper money, and favorable land laws; he offered the petit bourgeois protection against imports, subsidies for local production, and restrictions against peddlers; and for the middle class generally, the burden of direct taxation would be shifted to imposts paid by the larger merchants.” They also focused on good government, with bills to regulate the sheriffs, to regulate the courts, and to increase the power of the Assembly.

So this was a broad coalition. It wasn’t simply rich vs. poor or merchants vs. landlords. As usual, there were a lot of things going on at once.

In order to spread their message and, just as importantly, to attack their enemies, one of the first things the Morrisites did was found a newspaper, the New York Weekly Journal. There was already a newspaper in the colony, but it tended to support the government’s point of view, since the guy who printed it was also the official printer for the government and he didn’t want to lose those valuable contracts. But this new newspaper was very much in the hands of the opposition.

Morris and his associates started churning out essays. They criticized the government, they criticized the governor. Even the ad page was politicized. There were advertisements for lost animals in which the descriptions of the animals suspiciously resembled notable politicians in the colony.

Naturally, this sort of brazen attack on the leadership provoked a backlash. Within three months Governor Cosby was working to get the paper shut down. He even had certain issues of the Weekly Journal burned in public.

And in late 1734, he had the newspaper’s printer, John Peter Zenger, charged with libel. Normally, this would have been a slam dunk case, since at this time it was very, very easy for the authorities to convict people for libel. But Zenger had a good lawyer, who made the novel argument that statements couldn’t be libelous if they were actually true. Believe it or not, that wasn’t the standard approach back then. Even if you told the truth about someone you could still be convicted for libel, which is part of why it was so easy to get convictions. But not this time. Zenger was acquitted by a jury after only a few minutes of deliberation. Later on, this would be seen as an important precedent for freedom of the press in America, but at the time maybe the most important impact was that it further hurt Governor Cosby’s popularity.

That same year, the Morrisites managed to take most of the seats in the New York City Council. They made gains in the Assembly as well, but since there had been no general election held in the last six years they were unable to take it over completely. Everyone agreed that it was time for a new election. Even the Assembly itself had unanimously agreed to a statement saying that the current Assembly should be dissolved. But if an election were held, Cosby was almost certain to lose out, and so he held back.

Since there were no elections to win, the Morrisites decided to attack Cosby by undermining his support in Britain. And so Lewis Morris himself went to London, carrying with him a petition with 34 complaints against the governor, including that he interfered with elections by denying Quakers the vote.

The Morrisites had a number of demands as well. Firstly, that Cosby be removed from office, or at least have his powers reduced. They also wanted a number of reforms to the electoral system. They wanted elections to the Assembly to be held every 3 years or less. They wanted the seats in the Assembly to be reapportioned by population. And they wanted to increase the number of officials in New York City and Albany who were elected rather than appointed. (And of course there were other, non-election related demands as well, but I’m focusing on the election stuff.)

But like with so many such journeys by colonists back to the mother country, Morris found it hard to get his message across. He spent all of 1735 in London, making very little headway with anything. According to him, Englishmen were “unconcerned at the Sufferings of the People in America”, and “the most Nefarious Crime A governor can commit is not by some counted So bad as the crime of Complaining of it”. In fact, at one point he was more or less offered the governorship of New Jersey as a bribe, just to make him go away. Morris declined.

But as it turned out, none of his struggles in London really mattered, since in March that next year, Governor Cosby died of tuberculosis. He’d only been governor for three and a half years. Random deaths were really a big deal back then. It’s amazing how often stuff like that happened.

So back to New York. Although Cosby was dead, the factionalism continued on a little while longer. This time the issue was who should serve as acting governor.

When there was no governor in New York, the eldest member of the council was supposed to be acting governor. Before Cosby had arrived, that man had been Rip Van Dam, the guy who got sued. But Cosby had since removed Van Dam from office, so now the acting governor was supposed to be some other guy named George Clarke.

Clarke was confirmed by the Council, but Van Dam claimed that he should be named acting governor instead, although I think his claim was very tenuous at best. But for months on end, the Morrisites agitated on Van Dam’s behalf, using their newspaper to undermine Acting Governor Clarke. After some local elections in New York City were won by supporters of Van Dam, there were enough fears of a popular revolt that Clarke moved into the nearby fort for safety, along with his family, and he shipped in extra gunpowder to the city just in case. But things calmed down once word reached New York that London had approved Clarke as acting governor. That settled the matter immediately.

But in fact, this burst of factionalism was coming to an end regardless. Acting Governor Clarke agreed to hold new elections, the first in 9 years. The Morrisites finally took control of the Assembly, but Clarke had signalled to them that he was open to a reconciliation. Most of the Morrisites took him up on the offer, including Lewis Morris himself. They were welcomed back into the fold. After all, there hadn’t been that much dividing them in the first place.

Clarke served as acting governor for 6 years and during that time the old party animosities all dissipated.

So that was the end of the Morris-Cosby dispute. Not much more than a blip in history, all told.

Though there were some changes in New York as a result. For example, the reformers did pass a bill which mandated that elections be held at least once every seven years, as was the case with the British Parliament.

Also, the Assembly began to keep records of which members voted for or against a particular bill. Before, like in Massachusetts, no records had been kept to say how delegates voted. One further step on the road to accountable government.

And in general, New York took one more step on the road to full-blown populist politics. The elites found that popular opinion could be a useful weapon, but in order to get popular opinion on your side, you had to offer the people things that they wanted, and you had to learn how to make your message heard. Newspapers, propaganda, parades, etc. And as the factions fought for popular support, the people became politically aware. Once politicians started offering them things, they came to expect it, and to demand more and more.

Though I don’t want to overstate things. The will of the people was still of secondary importance. London mattered much more. And once the dispute between the elite factions went away, so did the need to appeal to the people, so there were no permanent parties set up or anything like that. The people didn’t stay fully politicized once their leaders stopped trying to politicize them.

(By the way, I’ve been using the word “populist” a lot lately without ever really defining it. All I mean by it is that the people as a whole are involved. I don’t mean “populist” in the sense of any particular ideology, or any particular style of politics. Just “populist” meaning the people, in whatever sense. Just so we’re clear.)

Next episode, we’ll look at the last period of New York’s history before the American Revolution, as the storm clouds begin to gather. So join me next time on Early and Often: The History of Elections in America.

The podcast is on twitter, @earlyoftenpod, or go to the blog at earlyandoftenpodcast.wordpress.com for transcripts of every single episode. And if you like the podcast, give it a good review on iTunes. That helps. Thanks for listening.

Sources:

Themes and Directions in Middle Colonies Historiography, 1980-1994 by Wayne Bodle

A Factious People: Politics and Society in Colonial New York by Patricia U. Bonomi

The Myth of the “Middle Colonies”: An Analysis of Regionalization in Early America by Robert J. Gough

The Oxford Handbook of Early American Literature, edited by Kevin J. Hayes

At Fraunces Tavern, a 300-Year-Old Play Gets Its World Premiere by Juliet Hindell

Colonial New York: A History by Michael Kamen

Governor Fletcher's Recall by James S. Leamon

The American Colonies in the Eighteenth Century, Volume I by Herbert L. Osgood

The American Colonies in the Eighteenth Century, Volume II by Herbert L. Osgood

Election Procedures and Practices in Colonial New York by Nicholas Varga

From British Colony to Independent Nation: Refashioning Identity by Steve Wilmer