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onlinekitsune · 7 months

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LET ME IN: SAEYOUNG CHOI (PART TWO)

"make your way to me through the waves"

PAIRING, GENRE, WARNINGS ─ saeyoung choi x gnc!reader, not proofread, this is mostly comfort?? kinda just on saeyoung's side sorrryyy

SYNOPSIS ─ after a bit of an argument played out, between you. saeyoung returns back inside of the bedroom. unaware that you're actually awake, he begins to talk out his feelings.

WRITER’S NOTE ─ a handful of people requested a part two of the original!! which i honored and very gratful for!! i have a hard time liking my content, so when others tell me they enjoyed it, it means a lot! i tried my best with this but, kinda lost where i was going with it. again, a bit of dialogue is taken directly from the game. (day 8/9 iirc) i hope you enjoy! and again, thank you for all your kind words and support! i know i am off and on about posting content on here, but know that your words aren't just ignored!! so erm... anyways. do you think i could do a part three lmao

Your dreams were hard to recall as you continued to lay still in bed. Perhaps that was for the better, a dream about the argument prior or even recalling happier times in the chatroom would haunt you. You took a deep breath, not bothering to even open your eyes or get up. You felt exhausted, mentally and physically. It was ironic to you how crying provided the same effects as if you were to actually do something straining. Your hand slid through your sheets, blindingly guiding you to your phone. Before you could even reach it, you hear the door creak open. You laid completely still, unsure of what to do. Footsteps gently got closer, stopping as they reached right in front of you. The sound of fabric brushing against each other filled the room. Your heart raced, not sure what to expect. But you continued to stay still.

“You’re… asleep? Good.” Seven sighed, breaking the silence. He reached out his hand, brushing against the sheets. "You’re really quiet while you’re sleeping...” The room returned to its silence for a moment. You felt him lean his upper body on the bed, only being able to assume that he was kneeling before you. “You’re something, you know? I… must have hurt you by saying all those things, but you somehow manage to still be so bright. Even now. You remind me of the 707 I pretend to be in the chatroom. You have more in common with him than… Saeyoung.”

Your face slightly furrowed, hearing his voice become soft and vulnerable. You so desperately wanted to sit up and comfort him. But, you knew that if you did he’d immediately retreat. You continued pretending to be asleep, allowing him to continue.

“Saeyoung is dark and pessimistic. His cold and complicated personality is the true me. I-I can’t wear the mask of the happy-go-lucky 707. I want you to realize that and be disappointed. I’m not a fun and cool person. I can put you in danger. So, don’t waste your feelings on me. I know telling you this won’t stop you. You’re so strange.” He continued. Hearing him talk bad about himself made your heart ache. If only he knew. If only he could see himself from your perspective. His hand hovered over yours before gently placing it on top, dissipating your thoughts. His touch was gentle, as if any friction could cause you to crumble beneath his fingers. “No, it's not you that's strange. It’s me. You’re actually… so nice and warm. You know, I… I sometimes dream about you accepting the real me. It’s a ridiculous dream, I know. But, thank you for allowing me to dream, at the very least.” His thumb brushed against the back of your hand before slipping away.

The silence filled the room again, accompanied by your heartbeat in your ears. The weight on the bed returns to how it was, as he gets up. “Please, remember in your dreams that you can’t trust V… or even me. Be less nice to me, so that when I disappear, you won’t be hurt. Don’t trust anyone, and promise me you’ll stay safe. Allowing me to protect you is more than enough. It’s more than I deserve. It’s enough for Saeyoung.” He uttered, slowly turning away from you. You snuck a glance, seeing that he was now facing away from you but stood still.

“Saeyoung.” You let out, softly. You shifted from the bed, sitting up against the headboard.

“I didn’t mean to wake you. I was just leaving-”

“Saeyoung. Please. Just wait a second.” You pleaded, looking up at him with soft eyes. He winced, hearing his name come from you a second time. He took a deep breath, and turned around to face you. He kept a straight face, but you could see the ache in his eyes. “Can we sit and talk?” You added. He hesitated, but ultimately gave in. He sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor.

“So, I can assume you heard everything?”

“I…Yes, I did. I didn’t want to pretend to be asleep but, also didn’t want you to run off.” you answered, grabbing onto your wrist. Your gaze met him as he turned his head to look at you. “Listen, I know how you feel. Pretending to be this happy-go-lucky person. I have experience with that, clearly. I don’t know how much you actually found out about me but… just know we have that in common, okay? I like yo-”

“Even if you say you like me, my life can’t embrace anything. You don’t know how it feels to live this kind of life. You shouldn’t be nice to me when you don’t know anything. The person you truly like is the 707 in the chatroom, just… forget about me. About this.” he interrupted, turning away from you. He was mere moments from leaving out the door, you felt it. And if he did, it’d return you back to where you were. In a moment of desperation, you bolted forward, hugging him from behind.

“Then please, help me understand the person in front of me…” You muttered, resting your head on his back. Saeyoung didn’t pull away, or even try to. He stood frozen, unable to comprehend what his mind was going through.

“You!” He let out, stunned. His eyes shut, slowly giving in to your affection. “Why are you doing this to me? You’re making this harder than it should. I live a dangerous life, one you don’t need to be involved in. I couldn't even protect my own brother… I have to abandon the person I adore. My life is good for nothing.”

“I’ve been through a bomb and a hacker, it’s a little too late for me to not be involved. I like the you that’s in front of me. Regardless of how complicated anything else is, I want to know you.”

Saeyoung shook his head, taking a deep breath. “Please, don’t do this. Don’t make this harder than it needs to be. I… cherish you. I want to make you happy, but I can't! Why do you want to be with me when my life is so dangerous? Why do you… even like me?” He asked, his voice trailing off ever so subtly. You break off the hug, and sit beside him on the edge of the bed.

“It’s more complicated than that. I can’t give a simple answer. I just like you, Saeyoung.”

“You’re impossible. What are you going to do if something happens to you because of me? What then?”

You gave him a soft smile, before reaching out to grab his hand. He didn’t bother to stop you, or even pull away. “No matter what happens, I won’t regret my feelings for you.” you uttered, now brushing your thumb across his hand. Another sigh, and again he shut his eyes for a moment.

“I don’t know anymore. You’re so strange. I.. feel like i’m going strange too. No matter what I do… I can't seem to get rid of your feelings for me. Nothing good will happen by being close to me, you know. It’ll be too late to regret it later.” He muttered. You let go of his hand, placing it on his shoulder. You slightly tugged at him to turn. You two faced each other directly. You saw the sadness, the despair, the anguish in his eyes. Up close this time.

“There’s no way I'll regret being with you, Saeyoung.” you softly replied, gently cupping his face. He stood there, as if he was afraid to touch you. To give into the affection.

“You shouldn’t say that too easily. Ugh. I always told myself that I wouldn’t ever want to grow close to someone. But you’re making that so… complicated. I- I can’t believe you’re getting to me. Gods, what am I supposed to do now?” He asked, reaching to hold your forearms. You let out a soft breath, before leaning closer to him.

“First, just take some time and think about accepting my feelings. We can figure out the rest from there, alright?.” you answered, tilting your head slightly. You wanted to be his light, especially now.

“Alright… I’ll need some time.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll wait.”

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luc606 · 3 months

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She’d do anything to keep him smiling. This includes burying her reservations, denying her hopes, freeing Saeyoung of any responsibility to care for her feelings.

- MC/707 friends with benefits AU where Saeyoung stayed at the agency and didn't end up with MC at the end of his route (no names or placeholders, she/her for MC)

read on ao3

(team i just wanted to write fwb angst like please don't take the AU logistics too seriously i am just a little guy with glasses on)

“This didn’t happen.” Saeyoung’s voice is breathy, his chest heaving as he comes back to Earth. He drapes a lead-heavy arm over her waist and negotiates her closer, pressing her back into his stomach, tangling their legs together. His next words fall in the shallow of her neck, heady and warm. “None of it happened.”

Part of her is still an hour behind the present moment, still thrilling at the way his hands melted into her waist as he bent down to kiss her for the first time. Things had moved quickly from that point. Once he knew that she wanted him, his hands had rushed from her waist to the hem of her dress and beneath. He’d touched her in the doorway, looking down at her reactions with unrepentant awe. The rest plays back in a blur—frantic, desperate.

It had happened almost accidentally. He’d texted her, annoyed and frustrated by work, needing a distraction. She’d invited him over with a text that used plausibly deniable suggestive language. The two of them had been on the precipice of something for long enough that the suggestion alone was enough. Before anything happened, though, they’d agreed that this would be strictly no strings attached.

She shifts against him, moving her hand to press against her own hip. She wonders if the tender spot there will bruise. This didn’t happen.

Saeyoung had spent the better part of the evening touching her, denying reciprocation at every turn. “All I want is you,” he’d said. “Let me have this.”

None of it happened.

He squeezes her against his chest, prompting a response. When she doesn’t answer, worry floods his voice. “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

“I’m fine, sorry.” She pushes his arm away just long enough to turn around and face him. She meets his eyes, lets herself sink into his warm honey gaze once more before she agrees, offering a soft smile. “None of it happened.”

Saeyoung breathes a sigh of relief, burying his face in her neck. She wraps an arm around his waist and pulls him impossibly closer, wordlessly begging him to stay.

Ever since uncovering Mint Eye, Saeyoung has been drowning in work. Even with help from everyone in the RFA—even with Jumin’s money and connections, a whole task force dedicated to the cause—the work is never-ending. Every moment of his limited free time is devoted to his brother. He’s been reintroducing himself to Saeran with the supervision of a full hospital staff and even that is risky. It isn’t hard to guess at the results by the way Saeyoung’s voice shakes every time his twin comes up in conversation.

Regardless of whether he wants one or not, Saeyoung doesn’t have the time to pursue a relationship. He doesn’t have the peace of mind, either. He’s always going, always on high alert. Figures from his past loom in the distance. Saeyoung has seemed to resign to the fact that he’ll never quite be free to live the life he wants.

Therefore, secrecy is understandable. Expected, even. The RFA members would ask questions, would push them toward pursuing something more rounded and wholesome. The last thing that Saeyoung needs is more expectations, more ties, more obligations.

She pushes a hand through his hair, gently teasing sticky curls away from his forehead with the pads of her fingers. Her nails scratching the back of his neck elicit a satisfied hum. She wonders whether she could get him to fall asleep with her. It would be nice to confirm with her own eyes that, for once, he’s getting a good night’s sleep.

“Stay with me,” she whispers. “Sleep here.”

For a moment, he considers it. He pulls back, locking eyes with her again. She watches his eyes trace the shape of her beneath the sheets, watches him linger on her lips, maybe thinking about kissing her again. She can see the exact moment that he pulls back into himself. His eyes darken, his brow furrows. He shakes his head and pushes himself away.

“I have to meet with Saeran’s doctors in the morning.” He stands at the end of the bed, quickly pulling on clothes. Just a moment later, he looks just like he did when he stepped in the door. None of it happened.

“Right.” She’s never felt more naked than she does in this moment. When he turns away to pick his jacket off the floor, she scrambles out of bed and into the bathroom to put on her bath robe.

He’ll probably go home and straight back to agency work. This is how he spends most of his nights, sacrificing as many of his sleeping hours as possible to the agency so that he can leave the day to Saeran and the RFA. She would admire his work ethic if she weren’t so fucking worried about him.

“I’m sorry,” he says, so quiet that she almost doesn’t hear it.

There is nothing to say, so she says nothing. This is exactly what she expected, exactly what she agreed to. When he called earlier that night, frustrated and angry and exhausted, she’d harbored no secret hopes in inviting him over. Still, she can’t help the lump that forms in the back of her throat.

Saeyoung frowns. Worry, again, evident in his furrowed brow. It’s impossible for her to keep from going to him, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her cheek against his chest to hear his beating heart.

“You have nothing to apologize for.”

He squeezes her back. When she looks up, he offers a soft smile. He repeats, “I’m sorry.”

She forces herself to smile back, swallowing her heart. “Don’t worry about me. Like you said, none of this happened.”

The next week is uneventful. Saeyoung is just as busy as always and no one in the RFA hears from him. He can be a ghost when he wants to be, completely missing in action, hidden away at the desk in his dark office.

She worries, thinks about calling, fantasizes about cooking a warm meal for him and bringing it over. None of these fantasies stick long enough for her to follow through with them. After all, she has her own responsibilities to attend to.

It’s not until the very end of the weekend, a rainy Sunday night, that she hears from him again. He appears on her doorstep in the dark, still dressed in a suit and tie befitting the C&R office, rain soaking through his trim jacket.

“Can I come in?” he asks, already halfway through the door.

This time, she’s the first to touch him. All the regret and worry of the past week floods her in an instant, so she distracts the feeling by wrapping her hands around his tie and pulling him down to her height.

He responds quickly, grasping at her waist and kissing her back. He kisses her like he wants to eat her alive. Desperate, frantic.

“Is everything okay?” she asks in-between kisses.

“Please,” he groans, “just you.” He grabs two handfuls of her thighs, pressing her against him like his ultimate goal is complete fusion of the atoms that make them up. “It’s been such a long week… I just want you.”

She breaks the kiss and falls to her knees in front of him, gratified by how he squirms and blushes at her undoing his belt. “Is this okay?” She takes him in her hand, pumps slowly.

He gives a breathless laugh, truly caught off guard. “Please don’t ask silly questions.”

The sound he makes when she takes him into her mouth sends a thrill up her spine. She quickens her pace, coaxing more sounds from him. He threads his hands through her hair, rewarding her efforts with gentle tugging at her scalp. When it’s too much, he pulls her away.

“Please,” he begs, “if you keep going, I’m not going to be able to do what I came here to.”

She releases him, looking up with a smile, and he pulls her to her feet and into his arms. He carries her to the bed in a rush, then tosses her onto it.

This time, he is not so thorough in exploring her. He helps her out of her pajamas, then hooks his hands under her knees and pulls her to the edge of the bed.

“You’re so beautiful.” He palms her breasts with calloused hands as he leans down to kiss her again. “Seriously, men kill for this.” He chuckles at his own hyperbole. One hand ventures further down, splaying against her stomach before finding its place between her thighs. “I’d be one of the men in question if it came to that.”

Her laugh is smothered by a sigh as Saeyoung pushes inside her. When she looks up at him, she can see a once-familiar humor on his face. He looks like he’s trying to produce another joke and coming up short. She takes in his smile and the scrunch of his nose and the warmth of his eyes as if she is seeing him for the first or last time.

Saeyoung pouts. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

He lets out a breath, pushing into her again. He leans forward, leveraging himself so that he can go faster without breaking eye contact. “Like…” He grunts. “Like I’ve got something on my face?”

“I think you’re beautiful,” she admits, her hands finding his face and holding him steady while he fucks her, “especially when you’re like this.”

When they’re like this, his shoulders are light, his eyes sparkle. She remembers what things were like when they first met.

Somehow, things were simpler when there was a nameless hacker and a secret agency and a mysterious cult. Now, the complications are in the specifics. Saeyoung has to care for his brother, he has more work for the agency, he’s been betrayed by his friends and threatened by his family. The RFA members occasionally wring their hands and worry for him but, for the most part, they go about their lives while Saeyoung drowns. Here, now, everything fades away. Saeyoung is able to laugh like he used to.

“What do you mean ‘especially?’” He chuckles. “You think I’m prettier naked?”

“No.” She reaches out for him, pressing a hand against his stomach and tracing the muscles there. “I mean, when you’re not worried about anything.”

“You think this is me not worrying?” He thrusts again, harder.

“Isn’t it?” She frowns. Her eyes find his and it causes his hips to stutter.

Saeyoung pulls back and flips her onto her stomach with one swift hand. He crawls into bed on top of her and pushes into her again. Closer, harder. The thread of their attempt at conversation is momentarily lost, then forgotten entirely.

When they’re finished, Saeyoung bends at the elbows, pressing his full weight into her for just a moment. His lips graze her shoulder—a half-hearted attempt at a kiss—as he rolls over to lay on his back.

“Don’t you know that being with you terrifies me?” he asks, voice sounding far away. “Just because I’m having fun doesn’t mean I’m not worried.”

She stays on her stomach. Something in her knows that it’s easier for him to admit this when he doesn’t have to look her in the eyes. That’s what all of this is, isn’t it? Closeness without any of the vulnerability. She pushes up onto her knees. Below her, Saeyoung’s face is stuck in a soft smile, even though he’s still catching his breath. His curls are mussed, sticking up in every direction, and for the first time she notices the galaxy of freckles on his chest.

Gently, as if Saeyoung is the most fragile thing in the world, she ghosts one finger over his torso, tracing a line from one freckle to another on the path to a full constellation.

“Are you terrified even if it, um—“ She swallows, trying to find the words. Her finger keeps on its path and Saeyoung’s breath hitches when she stops at a mole at the base of his neck. “—if it’s just this?” If it’s like it never happened. If no one finds out. If they aren’t attached.

He catches her hand in his and clutches it against his chest. “Weren’t you listening?” Again, there’s a flicker of his old humor in his eyes. “Just because I’m having fun doesn’t mean I’m not worried.”

Her first thought is one that she stifles. What is the point of all the secrecy and avoidance if it’s only going to worry him anyway? She frees her hand to trace the corner of his smile. She’d do anything to keep him smiling. This includes burying her reservations, denying her hopes, freeing Saeyoung of any responsibility to care for her feelings.

“There’s no reason to worry. None of this matters, right?” She reaches down to kiss him, her hair falling to form a curtain around their faces. For just a moment, the whole world consists of only the two of them.

Saeyoung pulls back from the kiss, his eyes darkening. He seems to remember himself, pushing up into a seated position and smoothing his hair back into place.

“You’re right.” When he speaks, his voice sounds uncharacteristically bitter.

He dresses quickly and a distinct feeling of déjà vu overtakes the girl watching. Just like the first time, he sheds all traces of her from himself with remarkable ease. In moments, he is dressed again. Soon after, he is out the door.

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