#its a sacrifice im willing to make tho

[wasyago]

squeaky_toy_sound_effect.mp4

[xxplastic-cubexx]

just read the new mutants issue where Charles chose to stay behind in space and my god the juxtaposition between Charles trusting Erik and Erik joining the hellfire club and wondering at his own trust worthiness. I wonder how much of Charles decision was him ultimately trying to avoid the fact that his first class had seemingly betrayed mutant kind and not be willing to face them and how much of it was Dani and Illyana's reaction to him having Karma mind control Illyana. the fact that Illyana was depending on him to ease her mind through limbo and in choosing to stay he forced karma to do it instead, probably fucking up their relationship in the process.

I love him, this is crazy, how much of this is him trying to runaway and how much is this him not trusting himself to fix things and how much is it just him trusting Erik?

i keep trying to put into words my exact thoughts about the sitch but there really is a lot for one issue aintit... oh charles you and your brain...

[duckieduccss]

Stargazing ⭐️

Saw the one meme floating around & decided to make my own version along with using it as a valid excuse to draw these two again. I do see Megalon enjoying it much more that Gigan though. Im my mind, Megs didnt get a lot of time to actually go out & explore by the ruler of Seatopia, so actually going out to stargaze (more than likely fighting just to get permission) means literally everything to him.

With Gigan, it’s more of just something he’s very used to (being from space) but at the same time, i have a feeling that it could be a thing that brings him some sort of bad memories (more like something he’s trying to avoid). Just explain a lil (tho honestly i do feel like it can be its own separate post), his time with the Xiliens & more importantly being in M Space Hunter Nebula proved to be an overwhelming & stressing experience for him (them having “created” him & therefore demanding more & more from him in exchange for “upgrades”). At some point he fled the moment he had the chance when commanded to go fight for them & not returning back. Instead he’s basically been hiding for a good enough while & during that time, he found himself & stayed alongside Megs. Genuinely enjoying his company & someone who didnt judge him compared to the Xilliens

But also given how much it means to his friend to see the stars out at night, he’s willing to make a small sacrifice just to see his best friend smile. That & reminding himself that he can at least feel less nervous & afraid with Megalon by their side, who at this point is the only one that means literally the whole world (or even universe) to him

but yea, these 2 still mean everything to me & drawing them stargazing together was definitely something i wanted to do so yay :D

[i love coming up with lore for some of my more fav kaiju or just kaiju in general. Hope i can at least share most of them ^^:]

[jalluzas-ferney]

I know u said u haven’t thought much about Kai + Nya reunion in your au but ITS PLAGUING MY THOUGHTS NOW I CANT stop thinking about the ninja like. Going around Stixx and chatting and they pass by Nya who mostly has her face covered and she recognizes his voice or something. Idk what from there but eventually I just imagine Kai just unable to stop shaking he’s so happy to see her again and Nya holding onto his hand like a lifeline because she never wants him out of her sight again . I’m so sick about them

AAHHHHSJDJWOKWIEKW OKOKOK IM SO SORRY I TOOK SO LONG TO RESPOND ITS THAT WHEN I SAW THIS I I HAD TI PUT MY PHONE DOWN AND PACE AROUNF MY ROOM TO SRS ORGANIZE MY THOUGHTS ON NYA AND KAIS REUNION AND HOW IT WOULD HAPPEN TO THE POINT I HAD TO SIT FOWN AND WRITE (AND I ALSO HAD TO LESVE TO DO MY NAILS LMAO)

BUT ANYWAYS!!!! I have constructed it. Planned it.

Ok so, here’s how it goes. I was considering ronins whole involvement in season 5 and I wanted to ofc change it to fit my au better. Do at first I thought ab ronin getting taken by soul archer but then I remembered….Pachi (ronins daughter) and AGH it would be perfect because Nya and kai would both be reuniting but also fighting morro to save their younger “adoptive” siblings ZAIDNOWIDE

So Soul Archer and Morro come to Ronins shop at Stixx, and instead of demanding the scroll of forbidden spinjitzu, soul archer simply lies to ronin by telling him that his debt would be payed off if he just gives them the scroll (btw, Nya and pachi like to help out and hang around the shop a lot, so they are sitting on the side, watching this go down, confused by whatever soul archer means by “debt” and scared because they’re fucking ghosts)

But of course once he gives them the scroll soul archers like “lmao fuck you I lied your debt isn’t payed off by far.” And of course Ronin is furious and demands the scroll back because it wast a fair trade, but then soul archer tied to make another “deal” by telling him that if he gets the Sword or Sanctuary THEN his debt will be payed off. But Nya steps in, refusing the “deal” and telling then they don’t trust that they’ll keep it, just like they didn’t keep it when Ronin gave them the scroll.

This pisses soul archer off and he’s just like “oh ok then fuck you and you I’m taking your youngest daughter and if you don’t bring me that dumbass sword in two days then HER soul is going to the cursed realm” and takes Pachi away.

I feel like the ronin in this universe is a lot more caring for his family, and would of even been willing to sacrifice himself just to not burden his family with the debt and leaving more poor than before. And soul archer KNOWS that. And hi early he couldn’t give a fuck ab ronins soul he just wants to get payed in some way or get his revenge on him for NOT paying him, which is why he decides to hit him there it hurts the most, by taking his daughter.

AND DONT WORRY WE ARE GETTING TO THE KAI AND NYA PART.

Because just as Nya and ronin are freaking out and grieving because where even IS the sword of sanctuary, they get a knock on the door. Ofc tho, they’re closed so Nya just tells whoever is at the door to leave and come back another day. But the knocking keeps going and some dudes outside are trying to beg and tell them it’s urgent, Nya just keeps speaking over them snd telling them to scram and to leave (she’s mad and sad and confused, very stressed out so yeah she’s being pretty agressive and not letting them explain themselves)

But the moment she goes quite she hears a much too familiar voice in the other side of the voice going “Nya…?”

So Nya just swings open the door only to find heels we with THE ninja team- especially the RED ninja standing right in form rod her with eyes that look far too much like her lost brothers- and before she can even react Kai’s already tackling her into a hug.

AND YES- just like you said, he just can’t stop shaking from the happiness of finally seeing his baby sister again and Nya is also holding on to dear life refusing to let go all while both of them cry rivers of happiness and AIDNEKDKWOEKEIODKEEKKEWLEODBSKS

Of course one thing leads to another, and Nya finds herself teaming up with her brothers ninja team in order to rescue Lloyd, Pachi, and the world. :DDD

I would love to continue ranting ab how the plot would keep going for this but the post is too long and I need to rlly sort it out more BUT ALSO because this was supposed to be mainly ab kai and Nyas reunion lol

[nicolloyd]

just finished the season WOW that was intense!!! 😭 i collected my thoughts as i was watching it too heres all of it: (spoilers ahead ofc!!! btw this is really long you were warned)

episode 1 (the blood moon):

• lloyd saying uncle is sooo crazy

• WU IS DEAD I SWEAR ON MY LIFE ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY NO MORE 😭

• can these ninja get pyjamas. please.... they had those in ns1 now they just sleep in armour 😭

• bro cinder sounds like.. macaque??? is that weird.

• lloyd gets to have funny quips 🔥🔥

• HAHAHAH I LOVE THE SMOKE EFFECT AND IT JUST CUTS TO THEM LYING FLAT ON THE GROUND 😭😭

• THE BLOOD MOON IS COMING 🗣🗣🗣

episode 2 (shattered dreams):

• YOOOO its the uh i forgot what place its called but yes 🔥🔥

• drs2 spouting out words like panic attack and nental health gee wowzers

• also this is the second time lloyd has been forced to eat strange food first it was dareths pocket gyoza

• deffff arin and sora getting in a fight

• LLOYD U ARE SUCH A SHOWOFF STOP FLIPPING AROUND

• rule number 1 never trust a snake hehahehaha

• really encouraging the lloyd nya sibling dynamic i love it

• callback to torunament of elements im not ok.

• ommggg i actually hate the way ras' beard thing jiggles around its unsettling

episode 3 (beyond the phantasm cave):

• so the dragon released was the lightning

• life symbol???? thats mad lloyd is fr life and not energy

• i feel sooo bad for arin bro if i had like 10 friends with powers and i didnt i wld be pissed too

• this is literally that swamp episode from avatar

• HELPPP is this the memory loss thing pr is it actually like. real

• it would be the funniest troll tho

• oh nya you beautiful genius

• jay the loml 😭😭 toooo cute omgee

• def foreshadowing

• my other family thats sooo funny

• is this the magic man.

• yoo arent those the water villagers

• OMG IT IS THE MAGIC MAN I ACTUALKY HATR HIM BRO

• HAHAHA PROFESSIONAL ACTOR

• yesss cole was never the performer

episode 4 (force from the east):

• geooo omg their actually in love shut up

• i thimk this is ice dragon??

• NINJA BASKETBALL 🔥🔥

• SECRET THIRD WAY!!!!!!!!!

• YO ITS COLE

• also bonzle is important somehow

• aww theyre at the monastery

episode 5 (the spell at the waterfall):

• MASTER WU 😭

• garmadon :**(((( IT MAKES ME SO SAD SPINJITZU BROTHERS UUURGGHH

• hehe i love these siblings

• how are they literally husbands bro what the flip this is so noooottt censorship

• old days :,,)))) soooooi sad bro onfdhsbs

• SACRIFICE???

episode 6 (to mysterium)

• lowkey wtf is egalt yapping about

• omg this is literally beyblade.

• cole in a hood is cray cray

• also zane will not give up thag detective outfit.

episode 7 (fugitive from madness):

• blood moon more like sozins comet aha aha aha aha i miss atla

• bro the music is so good do they get an orchestra for these or what

• lircherally wjats going on

• ADMIMISTRATION!!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSS

• ZANE IS SO PROUD OF THE 9% 😭😭😭 I LOVE HIM.

• crazy how theyre training again tho. good ol days

• nya and kai :'((( not having to worry about saving the world oh my poor sweet kai

• FLASHBACK. NO FRWAKING WAY

• STOPPPP THIA IS GONNA MAKE ME CRY OMG TJA WAS SO SWEET 😭 KAI AND NYA U HAVE MY HEART

• as mean as it sounds im so glad it was kai first and not lloyd it makes sense

• THE BLOOD MOON IS NO LONGER COMING ❌️❌️❌️ ITS HERE

• ohh thats why they turn to stone??

• ZANE IS A PERSON 🤬🤬🤬🤬 stopp hes always so willing to sacrifice himself

• SHUT UP THATS LITERALLY JAY OHHH MYYYY GOLLY GEE.

• i need a good 1 minute break to process everytime jay appears like actually

• ohh myyyyy goooodddd its jay pls stop stop stop stop STOP

episode 8 (secrets of the wyldness):

• forbidden five is lwk scary

• hehe i love their stupid quips and someone else saying "really???"

• oh jay oh jay oh jay oh jay oh jay oh jay he actually lost his memory im soooooo oooooohhhhhh nooooooo

• hes sooooo jay.

• so he knows he can lightning????

• zane. buddy. you cant keep doing this like actually would it kill you to stop dying

• now we're safe 😃 x4 (they were not safe)

• werent tbey in this situation before???? the tipping ship or am i just tripping

• ohhh my god the bounty died again

episode 9 (the forest of the spirits):

• THEY SACRIFICED EUPHRASIA??????

• NO DONT DO IT NO DONT WEAR THE MASK 😭😭

• resting my leg actually healed it is maadddnnnessss

• OHHH MY GOD ZANE IS MINIFIG SIZED HAGAHAHAHAHHAA THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER

• IM ALWAYS ADORABLE 😭😭😭 COLE U ARE

episode 10 (rising ninja):

• NOOOOO I SAID DONT DO ITT NOOOOOOO BUT YES BECAUSE EVIL KAI AGAIN SOUNDS AMAZING 😭

• yo. this fight is cool asl

• NO DONT KAI PLEASE MY MOUTH IS AGAPE

• omg they are both dragons rising rn

• what is going awn rn

• jordana is going freaky!!!

• ras master giving bird box icl

• AWW LLOYD COLE HUG 😭

• im assuming kai got out!

• HELLO ARE WE NOT GONNA GRIEVE KAI FOR A MINUTE???? im sure theyre all numb to death by now

• wowww 10 episodes gone just like that

• kai did not get out ❌️

[loonyoz]

Part of what I love about Wyll is how he feels like a character you have to keep pulling back the layers on. Like one of those 3d puzzles you think you’ve got figured out and then you realize you’re right back where you started. Which I guess is just the long way of saying he's a well made character. I’m gonna do a play by play of my first interactions with him to illustrate my point:

When you first meet him you’re like omfg who is this boy with the dramatic theater kid entrance lmao. Wyll, you are so dorky (affectionate).

You next see him helping tiefling kids learn to fight. Not in a harsh militaristic way, more in a gentle and even playful way (eg. When you play as Wyll you can tell them dramatic stories about how Wyll slayed a dragon.) You're like oh yeah this guy has the whole hero thing going on. Very disney prince over here.

Then you talk to him and he talks about an evil devil that must be killed with such adamance and determination. You're like oh wow he can get pretty intense. He's so determined about this, he's willing to put aside the pressing threat of ceremorphosis. This kind of unmoving moral stance, this very good and serious abt it thing, it gives off paladin vibes imo

Ok so thats two sides of him, dramatic storybook hero and strong willed paladin.

Then you get to the confrontation with Karlach, and pretty quickly realize this flaming hot cheeto (idk why I called her that ok, but im leaving it in) of a tiefling shouldn't be killed. Wyll takes some convincing and you're like Wyll you dumbass you're seeing what Im seeing right? The tadpole is showing us she's innocent, why dont you believe that?

Then its only till later you realize he had so many good reasons to hesitate:

He has been doing this job for 7 years now, to break off from the script he's used to, is a risky thing. If he cant trust his 7 years of experience he's left floundering. If he cant trust that he's been only killing evil, then he's broken his moral code too. (If I were in his shoes id for sure be having an existential crisis)

He's learned the hard way to distrust devils, what if Karlach is tricking everyone into thinking she's innocent?

Or maybe he's scared of what it will mean if he doesn't kill her, he'll be breaking his pact, and the consequences for that will most definitely be harsh. I don't think that's selfish or cruel of him to consider killing her out of fear of what will happen if he doesn't. I think Wyll would be unfair to himself for those thoughts tho. Like the whole airplane oxygen mask analogy is a good way to talk about it. Wyll would go to every passenger on the plane and make sure their masks are on, then collapse from oxygen deprivation because he never put his own on. Perhaps an extreme and unrealistic scenario, but illustrative of his admirable but harmful self sacrifice.

In summary, his hesitation and need to be convinced shows a lovely amalgamation of his character, his life experience, and his values, and how it results in a moment of conflict and indecision.

But it takes very little to convince him not to kill karlach. You tell him twice that Karlach is no threat/innocent, and he stops panicking, and pulls himself together with the kind of emotional control/repression that makes you go "uh oh babes has unresolved trauma and needs therapy"

His ability to listen to others when people tell him he's wrong shows that he has a flexibility and emotional maturity that is unlike the stereotypical paladin. Once he realizes Karlach is innocent, the rules he follows no longer matter to him.

He resigns himself to his fate because for him there is no other way for it to be. This shows that no matter how theatrical his heroics appear, it is not merely a guise. You can trust that he truly cares for people because he is willing to sacrifice himself for the sake of a stranger.

Then Mizora shows up and his response is to argue against her, to say, "you told me no innocents". Which shows once again where his priorities lie, now that injustice has been pointed out to him he will use every ounce of his will to fight it. It also shows that human weakness again too. His fallibility (I mean who can blame him devils are great manipulators) and his worried questioning of the rules that he has followed for so long.

And then when you put all the drama aside, and listen to his lighthearted dialogue you remember/realize he’s also very goofy and the kind of chill guy you’d want to invite to every friend hangout.

asfgjkl; anyway I have way too many thoughts and feelings abt this guy. If you read all this damn. But lmk what you guys think about my reflections!

Also shoutout to all of the fic writers and random fan posts ive read that have inspired some of these thoughts

[forgottentristan]

OOC | Tristan & the Astairan War

ok so @forgotteneithne as promised a lil bg on our boy! this'll probs be an ongoing sorta thing esp bc i have a lot of hc's abt his bg etc and like??? weaving them together??? aldsjflkjsdf

ok, so since we know that stafford, lorcan, and malconaire were all kingdoms in their own right in ancient days, but are ~also within a day's walk of one another, i feel like they've all got some SUPER strategic significance going on, and so...i do think tristan may have hit lorcan later in the war along w @forgottenrian

some bg here! and corrent me if im misremembering anything? we know malconaire provides a lot of food to stafford and likely hanthom as well; stafford seems to command the sea; lorcan seems to have a mountain AND lake so that probs commands views and movement for quite a ways around!! we know @forgottengodfrey got into naval conflict w the callearies, that edmund hit malconaire, and that roderick took stafford. we also know that rian besieged lorcan but that it never fell iirc

we also know that the above are all far to the south of astaira, which is the largest country in the world, and that kil-kennar and calleary are all located in the north w the fens a bottleneck beneath them which you must cross to get north/south by land etc

ok so!! we know malconaire is landlocked and that there's a riverbend right there, and on the other side is another country that roderick had already conquered but we also know that, by the time you get down to stafford we're on the coast, along w hanthom! similarly, we know that in the north both kil-kennar and calleary are seaside, w kil-kennar high in the mountains and calleary a frozen waste situation. we also know that there's a bit of a bottleneck in the fens so if you're gonna be able to pass between them by land, you've got to go through the fens and, similarly, if you wanna hold astaira, you gotta conquer both north and south AND hold the fens so!! i think we're looking at a bit of split objective and, i think if there's one superpower roderick's army really has in spades atp its a nearly unlimited number of ppl roderick would consider effectively canonfodder ('most of you will die, but that's just a sacrifice ~i am willing to make!' - roderick, probably) whereas life is considered precious in astaira and i think roderick really just...exploited both sides of that

so!! my thought, without knowing really a single thing abt the ~center of astaira~ or really any of the other houses/places than we've talked abt is that like...i don't think ppl knew where roderick ~really was for awhile. i think he initially made a show of being south of the fens in order to sort of draw astairan forces ~there instead of meeting him in the north where he'd ~actually landed

now, how did he do this? in a word, tristan! while he kept several of his elite guard by him, disguised as someone else, he sent tristan, in command of some of his kingsguard, but largely ppl dressed up as them, complete w a decoy roderick, and a large army of disposable young men into the south to harry ppl there, and later meet up w roderick when he conquered the fens. ofc as we know, roderick got bogged (heh) down in the fens much longer than he intended, and by the end i do think the secret was v much out etc, but!! i do think that at least initially this ploy worked bc i do know that eilia was def like 'look if we can just capture roderick, himself, we can make a lot of headway in our war effort' AND tristan was comfortable w ships, being calainon/kolchean etc, and so rather than getting there by land, i think they probs sailed

A N Y W A Y!! if, north of malconaire, astaira continued to physically border somewhere...or even if tristan came on ships (i do think kolchis was largely getting by on trade by the end so i do think they had a v robust maritime culture of their own etc tho yeah i do NOT think roderick is much good w a navy hahaha i def think godfrey and/or bartholomew/eoin (given his own maritime connections re the callearies oops) were the primary point guys/admirals on most naval battles hence -- paired w edmund's success at malconaire and arthur's failure in kil-kennar -- godfrey getting hanthom/ciara -- also stole some ideas from the hundred years war and have some ideas abt ~that but that's for other posts hahah) but im guessing it would be a lil weird for roderick to arrive on ships but anywayyyyy!!!! basically i feel like tristan probs crossed over below the fens and rode around sieging the most important castles just beneath that for awhile making a show of his forces ~being roderick~

i do think tho that, w roderick tarrying so long in the fens, the plan to meet there got kinda...untenable bc you can't really have a large army just...sit, like...historically the way baggage trains used to work etc that just wasn't really an option (fun fact, that literally led to the end of ghenghis khan), i do think tristan was ultimately forced to drive south, and may have even gotten as far as lorcan before finally meeting up w potentially edmund in malconaire post battle of m, etc, to reinforce there and hold it, etc, w edmund presumably assuming command at that time?

i do have some hc's abt lorcan and rian and all the mess but ill leave that for now actually bc i really wanna talk abt the pyre walk

i ~do think the pyre walk was actually primarily done w before tristan met up w roderick but, and this is crucial, i do not think it was over

ok so i do think tristan had heard rumors abt that but ngl he had this idealized vers of roderick in his head that he'd long upheld almost like a prophet or a saint -- he's the guy that saved his family from starvation, that swept in and gave tristan a place of belonging when he felt adrift, that raised tristan in his new religion, etc etc etc, and yeah!! i think tristan spent years just sort of dismissing the bad stuff he heard

now, smth to note abt tristan is that he was raised in kolchis by his grandmother, a witch, godfrey, and amira, so his early life def highkey underscored that witches are to be revered!! but on the other side, when he was still pr young he was indoctrinated (and yes i do use that term v intentionally) w roderick's belief sytem and taught they were evil, so he kinda...internalized both messages and just!!! confusion!!!! basically, there's smth dark and evil in him (the evil of great calainon and witch-blood) but also witches are just ppl but they all have smth dark in them so they all have to fight harder than any other ppl to stay good etc, is sort of how he justified all these competing ideas to himself. but also he can't get behind burning ppl to death, even witches, but esp ppl who haven't been tried/done anything wrong, etc!!! and any time someone would tell him roderick was doing that he'd basically be like 'that's just anti-rdoerick propaganda' unfortunately -- it was not!!

ok so fast forward back to the pyre walk. tristan and his army have finally gotten word that roderick is close, have detached from edmund's forces (if them meeting up was a thing?) and have been riding for days to meet up w roderick, as originally planned, on the road to stafford, abt to hit malconaire -- and when they get there he's in the middle of this mass burning situation

tristan, immediately assuming there's some awful mistake and not seeing roderick, orders for this to be stopped but like...ngl these ppl are already on fire and are ~going to die atp but at least they don't have to continue to be ~on fire~ anyway, w the lord commander riding in the ordering a stop to this, some ppl object, but tristan's men do what roderick's soldiers do best and obey orders and all this causes a lot of hubbub. it gets back to roderick that ppl're putting out his fires and he is INCENSED and comes storming in to find its tristan. he ~immediately assumes the power of having been effectively roderick's decoy has gone to tristan's head and a HUGE fight breaks out between the two and still no one's completely sure who ordered what honestly laksdjfkljdsf tristan spends the rest of the night in the ~temple tent~ begging the god to tell him whats right. some of the fires are put out, but all those ppl are too far gone and roderick won't permit anyone else being freed. even the ones tristan managed to extinguish die anyway. the others that weren't put out die too. the god is silent.

roderick remains incensed all day and effectively convinces tristan that its his own evil, witch-infused nature that prevents him from seeing that pain here is a mercy in the afterlife, where their souls will already be closer to being purged and therefore more acceptable to the god. he sends tristan, himself, out w his men to rip up as many trees as they can find and build pyres. while he has tristan's men put ppl to death, however, he (probs judiciously), sends tristan to scout ahead at night so he's not there for that next night's fires, but he ensures that he rides past what's left of them on his way to meet up w roderick in the days that follow

finally, weeks later as they're closing on stafford, roderick commands tristan to attend him at night rather than doing his rangings and things. as usual, a mock trial is held. he tells tristan to prove that he's no witch, himself, and ready the first witch to burn. tristan does, but he secretly slips her some poison (he knows abt some of this stuff too just not nearly as much as either of his siblings...sidenote: he could probs pull off a juliet-style fake death tho... @forgottenpercy ...just saying... ;D that's not what happens here tho unfortunately...) which, if she chooses, she can use to hasten her death/deaden the pain. roderick is distressed, but not tipped off when she apparently dies of asphyxiation or smth before the flames even touch her.

i do also think asp he probs tried to help some of them escape but yeahhh they were surrounded by roderick's men and that didn't go too hot and then it was back to square one again

anyway, this goes on for a bit, and eventually roderick ~does pick up on the pattern that any time tristan is involved the victims die a lot sooner etc. he has tristan severely lashed (saying that this is a mercy, given what he's done errs on the side of blasphemy -- being both borderline witchcraft AND probs more importantly ;D a miscarriage of roderick's justice/questioning of his orders! -- enacted only for love of roderick's wife and child, instead of the much harsher punishment he deserved) and do hella penance for both his own and the souls he's now damned by refusing to allow them the mercy of mortal pain and thus instead condemning them to an eternity of immortal pain instead.

so yeah!! after that, roderick didn't really involve him much and they were v soon thereafter at stafford, anyway, and yeah!! tristan ~did perform pr heroically in the siege of stafford tho, once he'd recovered from his punishment, so roderick just sorta decided to overlook the whole thing and yeah!! his record ~before then had also been pr good, and his actions v honorable before he hooked up w roderick in the south, and while 'roderick' was besieging things in the south, roderick's conduct was notably chivalrous (bc it was actually all tristan's call and yeah) and that did good things for ~roderick's rep too and roderick will NEVER mention that but he was glad of it ngl!!

honestly, re: the pyre walk, tristan ~still doesn't know what the right thing to do was and feels guilty abt it no matter how he slices it! sure its wrong to question the god's own champion but also its objectively terrible to burn ppl alive?? but also?? poisoning ppl??? is not great either!!!! and sure his intentions, wishing to spare them as much horror and pain as he could, were good but also he still killed those ppl???? and also like...were any of them even witches???? and even if they were did they really deserve that fate??? did he blaspheme??? did he condemn them to eternal agony in the afterlife??? was it all the darkness in him feeding into some horror??? is that still clouding his judgment??? like no matter how he approaches it, tristan does not feel he did the right thing but also???? he doesn't know what else he really ~could have done???? he couldn't just let them suffer when he had a way of helping them find peace instead??? he couldn't have broken them out???? but even if he had could have, would ~that have been the right thing???? as a knight he's meant to protect the innocent???? but who even was that in this scenario???

more and more, tristan has been growing ever since then wildly disillusioned w roderick and his god and his rhetoric, and if he could go back and do it all again, well, he doesn't think he could stomach another burning, and frankly...i ~do think the next burning he sees (presumably the malconaire trial etc) ~will be his last straw w roderick and he probs ~will rebel

but yeahhhhh basically i think tristan has been through it and lowkey is still going through it, tho he doesn't talk abt it, and yeahhh this is one of the many reasons he defffff believes that hes not worthy of eithne, or any good, and also wants to do some sort of penance to the world for his actions but doesn't even know what he could do like??? its all??? just sm and he def still carries around the belief that there's smth darkand terrible inside him and he did indeed kill innocent ppl and???? like he had no choice???? and still tried to be as merciful as possible abt it all, its true, but he still v much did do that thing and yeah!!

so yeah eithne def still has plenty of reason to be pissed at him/sus of him bc it is just a matter of record that he participated in the pyre walk, and he wouldn't deny that he had either (i think tbh he probs assumes ppl know he was but yeah he does nottttt talk abt that time!!) but also probs wouldn't try to excuse himself either and feels her rage and fear re his particiipation there is competely justified, he hates himself for it too, and yeah!! this is what i meant when i said i didn't think hed been to the fens so yeah!! fun facts ig lakjsdfkjdsfkj

[sukunasboytoy]

typed this up after watching the movie on opening n i was gonna keep it in the drafts for abt a week before posting it but ppl r talking abt it so im gonna go ahead n post it now !

‼️ cw: alien romulus spoilers ‼️

there is so much to be said abt andy im not even kidding theres so many conversations that can be had they include:

the black chara thats the emotional support for a white chara (andys whole thing is that he tells bad puns to rain to cheer her up - his one n only reason for existence is the do wtvr is best for rain is his literally a black chara that exists to prop up n support a white chara)

white feminism/white tears (how rain centers her own pain over the pain she caused andy, rain victimizes herself n openly argues w andy for turning on her n aligning himself w wy even tho she left him first - ofc they work thru this at the end but yk)

i rlly feel like andy has feelings for rain but hes been ‘brother zoned’ n his line abt ‘u can finally see me as a adult’ is what solidified that for me but i do think a mix of ableism n racism r at play there (black man being infantilized by the white woman he has feelings for bc of his blackness n mental (programming???) disability)

white savorism - inb4 rain ran back to andy at the end of the movie andy depended on rain for survival (needing help to fend off attackers at the start of the movie, rain constantly stepped in n defended andy against the anti-synth bigot which could be read as a metaphor for racism here, but its rain using her privilege as a flesh person (again metaphor for racism n ableism here) to constantly save andy that props her up as the Good Person even tho shes willing to use n abandon him)

andy doesnt rlly have any agency- he does what he feels whats best for rain (black chara used to prop up white chara) gets his agency overridden (by another white chara rook n mu/th/ur) n then makes the switch back to supporting rain (sure he chooses to let rain take the module out but yk plot convenience- they need the black man to sacrifice his life to save the white woman)

like dont get me wrong its great to have a black n disabled chara on screen n its great that he gets to be morally ambiguous (my personal fave) n i like that andy n rain have a complicated messy relationship n they hurt each other (like ppl do) but yk … hard not to notice some of this stuff yk

n i do think its on purpose bc synths r seen as not human/subhuman in the same way poc n neurodivergent ppl r (esp for his lack of empathy n emotions) hes viewed as inherently dangerous (like men of color r viewed as being innately violent n aggressive n mentally ill ppl r seen as violent n unpredictable)

rains decision to leave him behind bc hes “not rlly human bc he doesnt actually feel” is a good metaphor n representation for how poc r used as stepping stones n viewed as not “real” ppl by white ppl n the same can be said for neurodivergent ppl esp mentally disabled ppl rain seems to be fulfilled by andy needing her but is willing to leave him behind the moment including him becomes a hinder ace to her (n ofc its fixed in the end- but i like synths being a more obvious metaphor for ppl who r dehumanized in society aliens have largely been a white cast franchise so taking the narrative of the bigotry that synths face in the universe n having that applied to a synth that is black n disabled is great n i rlly like that the bigotry is portrayed in those subtle ways on screen like andys lack of agency n being used as a literal prop for the white woman by literally existing to support her)

[p1nkc4tb0t]

OK GUYS IMMA GO ON A RANT ABT THE NOVEL UNWIND, OK? OK.

HOLY SHIT.

guys it was so fucking good i swear.

ok so yeah, warning spoilers n shit. yeah.

ok so i really like the concept of the whole Bill of Life thing, unwinding especially.

like holy smokes was it good.

OK SO IK ITS NOT THE MOST POPULAR NOVEL I DONT THINK SO FOR MY MOOTS WHO R SEEING THIS THIS IS THE GENERAL CONCEPT: since abortions r banned pretty much, ppl either “stork” unwanted children or “unwind” children when they became unwanted. like the story starts off abt three unwinds, being unwound for completely different reasons. Connor was like, a troublesome kid and his parents just didn’t want that so they signed the orders to get him unwound. i missed why Risa was unwound but im pretty sure the state house just didn’t have much room for her anymore(she got storked there i think. she really didn’t grab my attention at the beginning sadly). Lev came from a Christian family, and churches make everyone sacrifice one of their children for God by unwinding them second they turn 13, Lev being one of them(it’s considered an honor)

OK SO the concept of storking is that, the mother delivers a child, doesn’t want it, leaves it at some person’s doorstep and then it’s “finders keepers.” however if they are caught they have to take the kid back and legally obliged to keep it. same with the finders keepers situation, got storked and ain’t no one at ur doorstep? legally obliged to keep it like it or not. however Connor’s parents once got storked and passed it into the neighbors house, and the baby rotated for a week and back to their house, but already sick and dying. Connor then gets traumatized and further on in the book he’s so overridden with the memory that when a bitch got storked she yell at them (Connor abd Risa) to take it back even tho the kid wasn’t theirs.

the concept of unwinding is that legally between 13-18 your guardians can send you to a harvest camp where you’re taken apart and given these parts to those who need it. like for example: you got unwound, taken to a harvest camp, they take your hands and give it to a guy who lost his across the fucking continent. ppl literally stopped trying to cure things, just replaced faulty organs with healthy ones. and no one really knows what’s going on in those harvest camps. do they kill you off immediately or do they wait and wait for weeks on weeks to get to you while you never know when’s your last day.

SO ANYWAY

I really like Connor’s relationship with Hayden, and tbh if they would make them canonically in love i’d be the happiest person on this planet. but again that would cause even further complications w the plot so i get it ig. but at the same time i don’t. Connor never really struck me as a cishet dude even from the beginning of the story, and though him abd Risa r a very good pair i’d just kinda like it more if they paired him up with Hayden. cuz first of all it would add on to tge reason he got unwound in the first place. abd like, i want a gay protagonist in a horror book is that really too much to ask?

same thing with Lev and CyTy, tho i see them more as moirails. yk, homestuck. heheh. no bc they’re so caring for eachother it’s crazy. but again i don’t see them in a romantic relationship, i just rlly like their dynamic. live laugh love how Lev was willing to go through with CyTy’s shit and vice versa.

Hayden and CyTy gotta b my fab characters frfr. anyway so CyTy’s name is actually Cyrus, but he has an eighth of a brain of a kid who got unwound and his name was Tyler. so like, he sometimes does things that Tyler would do but himself won’t, leading them to Tyler’s parents’ house and it actually made me tear up.

ALSO RISA IS AN EMO GINGER. NOT DEBATABLE. I DO NOT CARE IF IT CAN NEVER B CANON, I LIVE FOR EMO GINGER RISA.

GUYS THIS BOOK IS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL GO READ IT

i NEED to make a Homestuck Unwind AU

(imma just tag 4 moots i think would find this interesting @hiddencattoes @kovuspams @r3z1l1c1ous @imgoingtoeatyourfirstbornchild sorry guys this felt necessary)

[aewrie]

chewing up tdp bc its been couple weeks now that i finished it and im still just. sigh

im just going to go in random order as things come to mind but first off, aaravos/his backstory

for a show that talks a lot about love and acceptance and breaking the cycle that whole thing is certainly. hmmmm you mean to tell me the powers that be got a young autistic child executed for not understanding/following rules, the justification for which p much amounts to Because Reasons, and thus the grieving father thus becomes the main villain by wanting to pay back for the suffering caused and tearing down the system that caused this death. this is literally why the entire main plot happens. and we, the audience, are supposed to root for the Good Guys working to uphold this status quo. bc this guy is just evil and therefore change bad. no need to examine these Rules even tho right from the start the main characters have been challenging them ALSO. callum becomes a mage and thats celebrated as something awesome. but its literally in conflict with the rules that say no magic for humans, magic for humans bad?? which is why leola had to die??? logic and consistency??? (and idk what the reception really has been for leola among the fans/viewers but i just feel iffy about how she was introduced to us like look how autistic she is! only to be immediately killed off arguably for being autistic.)

amaya. after season 1 or two i saw someone comment on how the representation was handled and how more often than not her scenes/how she communicates with others is written like she's mute, not deaf. and boy it just gets worse over time. p sure there'd be less to fix if they had made her mute actually. lip reading is Not that reliable! its a ton of guesswork! and wtf is her interpreter doing half the time. why's he standing behind her when on the job. why's she not looking at him when he is translating. i liked her character overall but this like. please.

characterization inconsistency hhhh wtf is claudia doing at the end. what's her end goal. "I know." then WHY. she was doing all of that bc she desperately clung to what family she had left, like it was concerning how far she was willing to go for that reason, and suddenly its nwm. she knew she's not getting her father back all along but she's still onboard bc ???? yes they were trying to make aaravos a father figure to her SORT OF but that was something he said, that HE sees his dead child in her and cares for her, while claudia never, to my recollection, expressed that she thought of him as a father figure. mentor, i could agree on. a family member no.

ezrans sudden thirst for vengeance and need to amass weapons of mass destruction as a scare tactic is. wtf. if you wanna do that story arc for your gentle caring child king you need to do it way sooner than halfway through the last of seven entire seasons only to flip it back around at last minute again this is where it felt particularly glaring how stilted Moving Speeches were exactly as effective as the writers needed them to be, regardless of if it made sense for the character to react a certain way

back onto claudia for a sec recovering from losing a limb isnt that simple and thats also Not how prosthetics work, im begging childrens cartoon writers to look up one (1) youtube video of an amputee explaining their prosthetic/showing how they put it on/literally Anything

final showdown callum why the fuck are you monologuing about how you are going to defeat aaravos instead of just fucking doing the damn thing. ofc i know this is bc we need the Emotional Impact of he is about to sacrifice himself and oh no rayllum no more :( but that was so stupid and drawn out. you could have communicated that information in other ways without relying on guy explains his plan to the enemy, thus obliterating his chances of successfully executing said plan ezran+zyms role here also was just. what. whats the deal with the nova blade. i forgot the damn thing. then just whoops it was right here all along!! didn't need to look further actually :) and then its just. not useful at all, or maybe part of some plan of aaravos' that just. doesnt get elaborated on. two child kings rush to the scene to save the day for absolutely no real reason, no gain.

ZYM. one of my biggest pet peeves with fictional creatures is when they are just Puppy, but not even a sorta realistic puppy, but rather the pop culture perception of how a dog acts. panting and yipping and wagging tail. the future king of dragons is a dog that follows around this human kid. whoo. that said i did like him at first. them he turned into little more than a cute/cool animal mascot, for the most part, and i was just. sigh. youd think the character after whom the show is named had more to him but i guess no. (him suddenly talking at the end was also. Not how i wouldve done that (he goes from yipping puppy to fully articulate teenager in no time??) but oh well)

speaking of animal mascots/companions i accepted bait. i am not a fan of this trope of cute/quirky animal companion just for the sake of cute/quirky animal companion, but i came around for bait. bait was good. then the toadlings came. i had no complaints about an episode where ezran wants to rescue animals in spite of it being a Risky move, but the toadlings tagging along after the fact was not it. they added nothing as companions. nothing except this forced look how cute, dont you love them? :) imo the team shouldve found another home for them, or at the very least, not taken them along for their adventures. rayla's monkey pet similar situation. couldve written that out and not lost anything of substance. think that was actually where it started feeling like Look at this cute/cool/quirky Marketable easy-to-make-into-a-plush animal companion! dont you want one? you do want one :) toward the end much of the magical creatures felt less like thought out parts of the world and more like marketing opportunities (you too can have an awesome super cool magical mount!! just buy all of our rpg game stuff!!)

tone was a struggle in points. the show was trying too hard. humour especially. at times its like i could feel them telling me i should be laughing now.

some of this i could brush off with its a children's cartoon, im just not the target audience, but many relevant criticisms are things i didn't like back when i was a kid either. eg funny/cute animal sidekick who serves no purpose beyond being funny/cute has forever been one of my least favourite type of characters. the toadlings are just prime example of that.

i was optimistic after the very start bc i knew the people behind this can do a good story, but then it just kept stumbling along with the writing, worse as the seasons went. last couple ones i wasnt really excited anymore as much as just thinking well i gotta know how it ends after getting this far, and hoping itd surprise me in a good way. and then the end felt less like a satisfactory wrap up for, again, SEVEN whole seasons of storytelling, and more like this was all just the setup for eventual Epic Showdown Against Evil part 2 electric boogaloo

[spookfished]

media roundup february

hi everybody :3 i didnt really read a lot in february i was busy 'doing school' and 'looking for employment.' sad! i have spring break coming up so im planning on using that time to read a bunch (and also apply for more jobs -_-) this post and previous can be found on my neocities!

books:

revenant gun by yoon ha lee: the last book in the hexarchate series, starting with ninefox gambit. (slightly edited from my discord review, SPOILERS INCOMING). in machineries of empire, there a disconnect between what the audience craves and what the book is willing to give them-- for example, things like Whats up with the calendar + the hexarchate, why did jedao do all that, etc. this works in the books favor (imo) by increasing tension, creating a sense of discovery, and avoiding clunky exposition.

however in the two sequels it expands not just to what the audience wants but also what they like. care about? some big examples are the weight of the remembrances* and less cheris, but also stuff like jedaos focus. which isnt bad like i like jedao. but like, if you Dont you sure do get a lot of him. also did anyone actually like brezan sorry. hes fine like for example with the end of a memory called empire, when the protag (forgot her name sorry) loses her brain buddy, it feels like a second coming of age almost--her brain buddys been a crutch but now she gets to stand on her own (albeit as a changed person, with brain buddys influence). vs cheris who kinda starts to feel like a cameo character who literally fucks off for nine years??? there is also a sort of ongoing sense of "these sacrifices for the greater good are ok (if sad) and these are not" whihc ngl sometimes feels pretty arbitrary to me. and given that machineries of empire focuses on like the Littlest most downtrodden people it really is wild yhat we dont see a lot of civilian life? anyways i enjoyed it and i think its worth finishing out the trilogy but it wasnt as satisfying as i could have hoped (ALSO NINEFOX GAMBIT IS A REALLY FUN SOLID READ. I LIKED IT A LOT)

*the rememberances are a set of ritualized tortures that create a power structure that literally powers a lot of the empire's technology. this is a very cool concept! a big part of jedao and cheris' rebellion is about making a place that Doesnt have to run on torture. except that like, besides the intellectual knowledge that Torture Is Bad as a reader i didnt really feel that invested in this? like we only get to See a remembrance happening midway thru book 3. im not like advocating for torture porn or anything but it seems weird to have that be the focal thing when neither cheris nor jedao had any scenes where they were affected by it (and so the audience didnt have anything like that either). idk it kinda just stood out to me. like yes i care about these characters but why should i care about This specifically

hexarchate stories by yoon ha lee: an anthology set in the world of machineries of empire, expanding the world and fleshing out some stories. this was pretty solid! theres a wide range of stories and lengths, and i liked the variety :3 its like a little charcuterie board. (yoon ha lee's bias for shuos jedao really stands out here though..) its kinda essential reading to me imo though bc otherwise the ending of revenant gun isnt that satisfying :| lol anyways once again if youve read ninefox gambit check it out! spoilers for the whole series tho

exordia by seth dickinson: hard scifi about agency, impossible choices, and how they shape you. also, international geopolitics! like ninefox gambit, exordia demands your attention and concentration. you kinda have to read it at a time when you have brainpower to spare. however, exordia rewards everything that you put into it :3 i ended up learning so many random facts during this book… like AGL meaning above ground level. i feel like i need to read a book about democratic confederalism now also. a couple of my other friends read this book and got lost in the large cast and intricate web of events--i didnt have as much of an issue but u might need a piece of paper or sth. exordia is a book that's dense enough to feel like three books, and that can be good or bad. seth dickinson has this really spare, concise prose that leaves a lot to your imagination but also like. can sum up a person or situation in just a couple sentences? and that leaves a lot of room for the reader to investigate which i like :3 hm what else to say…. i really liked clayton (clayton!!!!) but i found erik super annoying ymmv. the ending kinda leaves you at a loss which i honestly kinda like? like yeah obv a sequel would be nice but i like it the way it is. anyways not for the faint of heart but id still recommend<3

accidentally engaged by farah heron: f/m romance aww so cute <3 really nice contemporary romance which tosses together a bunch of tropes--arranged romance, fake dating, baking together--into something that actually works really well! the two leads were very charming and i liked reading about the good food. i liked the way the protagonist's almost-stereotypical portrait of a loving but strict south asian family (am i allowed to say this) gets fleshed into a group of honestly kinda bizarre people that love her and that reena can genuinely connect with. yay family! overall, not especially memorable to me personally but still enjoyable. rec if youre into contemporary romance

last breath: the limits of adventure: realistic fiction (?) about what it feels like to drown, die of dehydration, fall from a cliff, etc. lots of research, very thorough! (well sometimes they live and sometimes they dont). an expansion of this absolutely fantastic article about hypothermia. honestly none of the stories quite live up to this one imo but this is still a really solid and exciting read! i couldnt put it down! although it does have a touch of the orientalism that you get from like, a lot of extreme sports circles lol. i would definitely recommend reading the article, and maybe read the book if it especially interests you.

video games:

pokemon legends of arceus: a pokemon game set in the past that breaks the mold by letting you dodge roll. my opinions here coincide pretty closely with the dunkey video, which is that this is a really fun game that is also literally half finished. controls are clunky, story is paper thin, graphics are fucked, overworld is extremely empty but its also just very fun?? it took over my life for like two weeks and i missed class???? anyways i would not get this at full price but if you can borrow it from a friend its super interesting to experience. im looking forward to the kalos one :3

slay the princess: a horror? romance? visual novel about saving the princess, slaying tbe princess, and everything in between featuring the vocal chops of that one magnus archives guy. dudeee this is so fun! i think its very kind to the guy inside of me who is Embarrassingly Anxious about any and all video game choices that can like, affect the narrative. lmfao its fun to fit in a couple runs or two between other things, but i did start losing track of what previous paths id taken after a bit of a gap. however!!! i would definitely think about playing this game if you like visual novels or Narrative or Loops! or girls who kill lol theres a free demo if you want to try it out

movies:

velocipastor: action movie about a priest who turns into a velociraptor to punish the wicked!!!! so fucking cool a lot of love put into this (low budget) movie made me so sad i dont speak cantonese (? at least i think thats what it was) watch this with friends

music:

Gato by nobonoko: really fun 80s synth jazz? album written by two fictional gay furries. no wait come back ok this is one of those things i got recommended by youtube and then actually listened to it a bunch of times its just very soothing and nice :3 ive been listening to jazz pretty much my whole life so i have a huge bias. also im a sucker for fictional bands eg splatoon… also the art is so cute?? those two guys?? its hard to pick a favorite song but i think i like the titular gato! also theres a bunch of other stuff made by the same two artists

option by Crosses: i totally forgot what the genre for this is but its like when metal guys are like i need to have a song for my metal wedding. song recommended by neil -_- anyways very sappy im fond of it nonetheless. i definitely did think it said "can you promise me to the grave"

Roy by Idles: from british rock band idles new album tangk! im going to be honest i did not like this album as much as some of the other ones by idles, but thats ok! hmm when i play this song out loud during crew shifts i feel embarrassed. but i really like seeing how idles' vocalist's voice has evolved over time! the way hes branched out into more melodic and belty stuff over time is very fun. the prechorus + chorus are very fun to sing along to as well :3 its just a fun song

anyways if you read any portion of this thanks as always :3 what else to say.. i made pandesal recently and its been my only successful bread that i can remember. go me! anyways see you guys in a bit

[the-kipsabian]

so heres the gist of it

im unemployed

that should be the end of it lmao. unfortunately its not

on top of that, i live in one of the cheapest single bedroom apartments in the entire city. and yet according to new rulings that started this spring, im paying 12 euros too much for rent to be considered for the full amount of financial help that i should be able to get to help pay for it, which delays my paperwork every single time i apply for this benefit (thats high key crucial for my survival as, again, im unemployed as fuck) and they keep insisting i need to look for a cheaper apartment (which is impossible, there literally isnt any in this whole city and if there is, they are so sought after at this point people nab them immediately so...) or i might lose most of those benefits in the future. so thats fun

but i cant move cause i cant afford a more expensive place cause 1. im still unemployed as fuck and 2. they wouldnt approve of my paperwork cause even higher rent would be against their rules and the cost limit they are enforcing so...

ive been trying to get a job for a well over a year and a half now. nobody is hiring even tho a lot of people are looking. it always comes down to either being in a location i cant get to (cause its too far and i dont have a car or the hours are so inconsistent i cant make it without a car, usually) or just not being good enough with my skillset or whatever the fuck. it always goes to someone else and its been like that for months now so.. yeah, im kinda stuck with that too

HOWEVER the city has decided to add another fucking wrench into my entire situation since remember, im 1. unemployed as fuck, 2. i dont own a car, or even have a license for that matter, to move around everywhere, and 3. the government is actively trying to get me to move into a cheaper apartment that simply does not exist in this city ffs or they might cut my benefits or at least delay all my payments with taking ages with the added paperwork cause of that :)

so now? they have completely destroyed the bus schedules to my part of the city. nothing moves in or out of here past half six on the evening on weekdays anymore. even worse, on weekends nothing goes past two in the afternoon. which is.. ridiculous. that means that if you work evening shifts, tough shit youre not getting home unless you bike or walk (which isnt exactly a valid option with winter coming soon and lasting for like 75% of the year lmao), youre not getting to morning shifts if they start at 7am cause nothing moves from here before that, god speed if you work on the weekends cause youre really not moving from here or to here almost at all since the schedules were already horrendous and now theyve cut at least three or four drives from that sssssooooooooo

basically what this means is that it cuts my possibilities for jobs i can apply and accept a RIDICULOUS amount. any normal retail job would ask you to be able to work both morning, day and evening shifts; i literally cant do two of those anymore which ofc limits my chances dramatically as someone they would consider hiring. work on weekends? yeah i was already on the fence for it since my saturdays are usually hangout days but i was willing to make sacrifices but knowing i wouldnt be able to work past half two? yeah again, limits my chances so much on being hired

which means. im already struggling to get a job. now with this new schedule they are limiting me so much more on what i can go for and what i can be hired for so i can actually cover any shifts on anything ever. which in turn means im not gonna have that money i need to pay for a bigger apartment. which means im not gonna be able to move. which means im stuck with these schedules. which means im limited in what jobs i can apply and get even considered to be hired for. which means....

you see the issue? you know why im fucking upset and mad and angry and sad and i actually had a screaming crying fit last night cause i cant fucking handle this shit and how inconsidered this whole fucking thing is to literally everyone?? the people who changed the bus scheduling said its cause of the lack of customers (which isnt even true and they compared summer numbers to winter numbers which fucking LMAO ofc people use the busses less during the summer when they can bike or scoot about so much easier. and most of them are not even in town anyways for their vacations so) but also its important to note that i live in the part of town where theres a lot of families and old people and the lack of cars and kids moving around here from school to back is actually very big and yet. YET

im just.. sorry. i needed to get this out. cause its utterly ridiculous and im now stuck in this fucking cycle and i dont know what to do. im gonna send an application for any potential open apartments to the firm i rent from right now since they cover the entire city and have basically the cheapest places here so that maybe i can get something offered to me if anything frees within the next year or so. apart from that i have no idea what to do. i have no desire or money to get a license, let alone a whole ass fucking car, i get anxiety just thinking about driving. im just stuck here, in this goddamn loop that just somehow got worse as i discovered this whole bus scheduling issue last night. and i really dont know how to break it with how these things are all affecting each other

i left the city some feedback about this and got my friends to do it too since we are all fucking mad about this but.. unless they get a noticeable amount of it, i doubt they'll be doing anything about it, or at least not very fast so. im just stuck and im fucked and im upset and im angry and i needed to get this out im sorry if you read this whole thing im just. im going to fucking explode

[jadechase]

Ten people i'd like to get to know better

Tagged by @simonthesneasnake

Last song: Winter Anymore, by critical role. I think we can all establish that Ashley Johnson is a natural treasure, and she nailed this song aswell. Yasha really hits close to the heart, and Ashley's voice makes it a bullseye.

Favourite colour: a kind of dark blue, but its not really dark. It goes a bit towards green. Idk how to describe it but its lightdarkblue

Last book: Thieves Gambit by Kayvion Lewis, i havent finished it yet, but i blame school. Break has started so ill probably have it finished within a few days. Im really in love with it already. After that i think im gonna read sword catcher, wich i have already bought, and maybe ill finish Percy Jackson and the chalice of the gods, but im kinda saving that for a sad day cause it just gives me that nostalgia giggles.

Last Movie: Bad mom's 2, its a Christmas movie and it was actually pretty funny. I watched it with my mom, since she wanted to watch a Christmas movie with me and this one didnt seem all too bad. If we're talking kind of movies i like: marvel and Disney movies, but basically anything fantasy with sparks of humor and trauma (yes Disney does trauma in their movies you just have to look for it)

Last tv-show: Does critical role count? If not i would bet it is the legend of vox machina. Yes im critically critical role obsessed, they have become a part of me. But anyways i really wanna watch arcane and even more so since some of my friends from the uk told me its really good and id really like it. I also watch a lot of British detectives, no im not from Britain, but i wouldnt know wich one i watched last+its something of a tradition with my parents so i didnt really count them.

Sweet/savoury/spicy: Sweet>Savoury>spicy,

I love spicy food but i dont really crave it, i would also say it really depends on the moment and what ive eaten already cause my stomach is very specific with what it can handle at a certain moment of my day...

Relationship status: Singleeeeeee. Isnt everyone? No i just tell myself that. Seriously tho i really dont mind it, its something i choose for myself as i believe i dont really have the time for a relationship. I do have the time im just not willing to sacrifice it wich i think says enough. (Also im pretty young so im good)

Last thing I googled: Sims 4 cheat codes, I installed the game a week ago and got some spare time on my hands yesterday so I decided to play a bit, the game however went a little too slow for my stress-powered brain so i decided to speed up the process.

Current obsession: Critical role/bg3, i am in love with the cr cast and they really feel like older siblings to me, as i am an only child. And bg3 just is an amazing game and the voice actors are also such a lovely community (i sense a pattern here, Hmm) I am Particularly in love with aliona and jen(iffer English) they are such a cutesy couple and are just warmth all around.

Looking forward to:

WINTER BREAK

It starts tomorrow and i already have so many fun things planned. Im going ice skating, watching my series and hopefully catching up a bit on critical role c2. I am also really looking forward to having time to get better at New skills, i have been attempting to learn blender but have been stuck on the same part of a tutorial for 3 months. My reading has greatly diminished aswell so im hoping the Christmas spirit will have me reading in the mornings from the comfort of my warm bed. Also gonna see some family over the holidays (i see them a lot but theyre getting older so i really like spending time with them, it brings me peace)

Tagging (no pressure)

@annemarieyeretzian @sleepy-insomnia-bear @mightypike @girldalf @greatnightbat @mollymauk-widogast @laurasbailey @imisskeyleth @laudnasmoon @youremypeople

[just-call-mefr1es]

quick tbp x thg ramble so it makes sense (i had a conversation with myself while pacing my bedroom about this so i need to write about it)

cw: spoilers for the hunger games and blood/gore mention!! (i dont think its that heavy, but still)

okay, so in the actual HunGER GAMES, book and movie (well i don’t remember if this was actuallyin the book, but whatever) Johanna takes out Katniss’ tracker in the qq3 so that the capitol can’t track her when d13 saves her, and so on and so forth. also, it could also be because they didnt save peeta and johanna cause they probably didnt have their trackers romoved, therefore d13 didn’t save them. annie’s a different story but im not gonna talk about her rn (i stil love her very much tho dont get me wrong💗). even though im not 100% sure if thats the main reason for them not saving peeta n johanna (but im sure it may be A reason), since its been a hot minute since ive read/watched thg and i may have forgotten something, so yeah there.

And how does this play into my tbp x thg au? well,,,, (turns on geek mode) d13 reached out to billy first, since they thougth he was capable enough to get finney&friends™️ to d13 somewhat safely. with this, he was obviously instructed to remove their trackers, so he did as he was told. well, he tried. he told vance about the plan after he realized how kuch he was willing to sacrifice for bruce and griffin, and soon enough, the others,and since he thought he was more capable of doing the act of removing the trackers (you have to actually GET IT OUT of your arm, for those who didn’t know) than he was. Vance said sure, but removed his own tracker first. Why? cause he knew it was a painful process and billy urged him to. anygays, billy got finney’s tracker out, but he and vance had a hard time getting robin, griffin and bruce’s out cause

1. Finney would not fucking leave robin’s side, and everyone knew that he would probbalh go berserk if they even tried to touch robin, let alone CUT OUT A GASH ON HIS ARM. (btw, billy cut out finney’s arm during that same time period that johanna did for katniss in the movie and/or book if it happened at the same time (my memory is trash))

2., because vance was so hesitant to potentially harm Griffin and Bruce. Yes, he knew it was for their own good, but at the same time. He had to cut out the specific section of the arm, and he thought that if he did that, then Bruce amd Griffin would think he was kust that merciless killer the capitol made him to be. Plus, he couldn’t just *tell* them why he was gonna do what he was gonna do, cause the capitol was watching their every move. billy kept urging vance to do it when their time in the arena was nearing to the end, and vance just waved him off, saying that he will soon (spoiler alert, he didn’t.)

so yeah, that’s why bruce griff and robin got stuck in the capitol, and another reason vance blames himelf (hes not okay guys). when the rescue team set out to rescue the three, they were obviously more confident to take out their trackers (i know for sure that the capitol gave them new ones) compared to vance and did NOT hesitate ripping em out (they needed to get out of there quickly).

wowe that took a while to type. sorry not sorry @meepmoopweeeeeeeeeee

[selfshipgushing]

idk when you’ll see this in comparison to my other ask from earlier buuut i can finally ramble abt my WIFE !!! :D

ouhhh goshhh where do i starttt (i apologize if this gets long) i have like a whole LOT of fictional crushes like a lot a lot buuut i only have 1 f/o whiiich is the f/o ive BEEN talking abt on this account

i love them so so sooo much their name is tallorannn likeee james martin talloran from the scp foundation (ill mostly call them talloran tho cause most scp personnel get called by their last name !) (they’re nonbinary btw like canonically just thought i’d get that out of the way first) and they’re most known forrr researching scp-3999

so like for the non scp fans like reading this (prepare for YAPPING) ! pretty much scp stands for secure contain protect and so they yknow… secure, contain, and protect some little creatures they call anomalies and it’s like scifi and stuff

sooo !!! talloran researches scp-3999 like pretty much they are the main researcher but the thingy abt 3999 is… it needs a host ! since tally’s been the main one researching it, it ofccc chose poor talloran as it’s host ☹️☹️☹️

3999 can warp reality to its will however itd like and so since tally is it’s host, it does the one thing it enjoys : torture

for 3 MILLION years without end, 3999 tortures talloran, killing them and then bringing them back to life in all ways that you can imagine and NOT imagine, making them watch people they love get killed, etc, and ouhhh i feel sososo bad for them ):

they are sososo strong emotionally tho and at some point they were even able to contain 3999 for a short while… and then it escaped AUHHH but my tally doesn’t give up they keep trying and TRYING for the better good ! they have to contain this thing to save the world cause it could just destroy and remake whatever it pleases, allowing for it to cause havoc on the world as it PLEASES !!!

sooo finally… talloran finds a way… but it makes me so SAD since talloran is it’s host they realized that… if talloran were to die by their own will, without it being by 3999’s hands, it would get rid of the both of them, but most importantly 3999…

so they went through with it and GHHH I LOVE THEM SOSOSO MUCHHH AAA THEY WERE WILLING TO SACRIFICE THEMSELF FOR THE GOOD OF THE WORLD THEYRE SO SWEET AND CARING AND GOSHHH AAUAUAUAAAUAA i wish that they’d at least be able to get some reward for what they did while being alive ouhhh 🙁🙁🙁 (they’re still alive in my mind and heart tho)

and as for the whole knife and scars thing i mentioned in the past :

during the writing of scp-3999, the author had like a really bad sleep paralysis nightmare (or whatever it’s called… i forgot) anddd i won’t go TOO much into detail but,,, pretty much in that nightmare talloran stood above the authors bed and cut off their bottom jaw with a knife and so in a lot of depictions of them they have long scars on both sides from their mouth as if their bottom jaw was stitched back on anddd a lot of times they are depicted with a knife ! (like in our emoji combo)

id includeee pictures but scp is all reading and stuff sooo it’s honestly up for depiction in your mind !!!

anyway IM SOSOSO SORRY FOR MAKING THIS SO LONG I JUST LOVE MY WIFE ISSUDHDHHSA I WANNA KISS THEM AND CONGRATULATE THEM FOR BEING SO STRONG AND I WANNA SQUEEZE THEM IN MY ARMS TO LET THEM KNOW THAT THIS IS REAL AND THAT THEYRE SAFE AND THE PAIN IS ALL OVER NOW anyway…

-🌷🔪

hehehehehe smoochie the wife

[yichens]

I tried to format this with a comma and a capital letter to show where a new line is in these songs/quotes bc tumblr hates formatting!

"Don't you ever, Tame your demons, But always keep them on a leash" - Arsonist's Lullabye, Hozier (maybe vegaspete or beyond evil?)

"And from these rooftops, I'll scream your name, Bravely to the dark" - Tyler Knott Gregson (rooftops always give me patpran vibes but anyone else if good too)

"How much should my longing fall like snow, Before the days of spring return, friend?, Snowflakes fall down, And fall apart little by little, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you" - Spring Day, BTS

Also basically any of Do I Wanna Know by the Arctic Monkeys gives me patpran vibes but idk if this is a basic choice? It could be overused but im not sure but anyway!! "I dreamt about you nearly every night this week, How many secrets can you keep?, 'Cause there's this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow and I play it on repeat, Until I fall asleep, Ever thought of calling when you've had a few? Because I always do, Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new."

Also I'm happy to take literally anything for The Eclipse (I feel like I really dont see many edits of it? But I feel like its difficult to pin down a specific vibe because it was so much grief but it is maybe my favourite right now!) or Between Us/Not Me/Bad Buddy/Vice Versa/Beyond Evil!

hello lizzie ^^ i hope you've been well!

this is for you!

i hope you like what i came up with even when i took some liberties with the prompt. you gave me so many options to choose from, so many good options, but ever since i first got this ask, i was fixated on that hozier line. it just seemed to fit beyond evil so perfectly and i was so excited to make something for that drama bc i never did back when i watched it. thank you so much for it! (and also special love for throwing spring day at me, it made me smile fondly ♥ maybe i'll end up using it when i find something fitting to use it for)

(more blabberings under the cut bc this edit made me think some thoughts!)

first of all, i have to admit that i have almost forgotten everything that happened in beyond evil. it's been over a year since i binged through it and it never stuck with me the same way as, let's say, the devil judge did. but i still found it super interesting and with this prompt, i came to think about the themes in it once more. i came to think about the story, and the world, and the people. most of all, the people.

bc, second of all, i am obsessed with the dynamic of our two main characters. they are like fire and ice, and they struggle to understand each other bc of it. joowon is young, righteous, hopeful, and naive. dongsik is older, has already seen the cruelty of the world, and knows how much it can hurt. but he has not given up, and instead, there is this plan and then –

well. joowon comes and messes it up. kind of. tho he also becomes dongsik's ally, and then comes to see how unfair the world can be, and watching all of this happen hurts dongsik who, until then, has not shied away from sacrifice. he has let the people around him be hurt. he has been selfish in that sense. and then this one person more threatens to tip him over.

so, i had thoughts. and then i somehow tried to put all of them into this edit: the differences between joowon and dongsik, their individual journeys, their joined moments. there's dongsik with his undying fire, the only thing left pushing him through as he loses, and loses, and loses again and again. there's joowon with his one goal: to serve justice. he's willing to try and reach this goal by any means necessary. he almost becomes blind to how impossible reaching it can be.

they both have their demons. dongsik's are vengeful, full of years-old rage. they're simmering somewhere behind his smiles and in his stern eyes and under the tears he so unwillingly sheds. he cannot tame them despite all the time that has passed. he doesn't want to.

and then there's joowon with his newly found demons, the ones that are out of his control, the ones that would like to drive a bullet into his father's chest or smash a golf club into his head. the demons that turn the calm and collected detective han into someone he didn't know he could be. the demons that are born out of his old and new grief.

the caption seemed to put all of this so nicely. it's one of dongsik's lines said to joowon. there's something scary about how far ppl are willing to go out of love and attachment. we're terrifying creatures once someone takes something we care about away from us.

i hope you didn't find my ramblings or the edit itself boring. i personally love the simplicity of it all. i haven't done anything black and white in a long while so this felt refreshing and fun.

thank you once more for your prompt and have a good weekend ♥