#its a level of not giving a fuck that i can only dream of achieving

[swamp-chicken]

the Etho picture made me sick. My crops are wilting.

I cant look at it every time I do i see something different and start losing my mind. rn its the dead monitor that's been there for at least 4 (??) years according to peter bellshazes and it makes me want to die. how do you live like that. so imperturbable. your elbow sitting on a dusty 20 year old mousepad.

[long-live-astronerd-ghost-king]

DPXDC prompt: Friendly neighborhood forensic pathologist Danny Fenton is a new master of The Court of Owls? (Dead on main, of course) +Part 2: Talon Dick

Don’t underestimate what a ghost will do for a higher education. You see, it's the custom of the Fenton family not to run away from things they are afraid of but to face their fear. So Danny Fenton, who has learned to fear scalpels, steel clamps and surgical retractors, decides to do something about it and to dedicate his life to giving souls of those who died a violent death the final rest and justice they deserve.

Well, it didn’t really come to him at once. It started out as a simple joke:

Danny didn’t think he could continue his education after school. Frankly, his grades suck. However, Tucker for fun applied for a scholarship for gifted villains from Gotham University on his behalf.

And hell, they are willing to pay money for his education. Pay in full! Living in Park Row is also incredibly cheap. And with his flying ability, he’ll also save on transportation.

Danny is not a villain. And he’s not planning on becoming one. But he couldn’t lose that chance.

Why do you deserve this scholarship? “My parents are renowned ecto scientists, and I’ve seen their dissection work at its best. Medical school is expensive, and this scholarship will help me accomplish my goal of becoming a forensic pathologist and helping maintain the boundary between the world of the living and the world of the dead…or use it for my own ends. Of course.”

Well, Mr Two-Face was fully confident that despite his grades in the subjects, Danny was fully committed to achieving high academic achievement. Finally, work experience of Dan came in handy somewhere.

There were only few things about the death that Danny didn’t find on his own or from his ghost friends, so he managed to graduate in record time. Young Fenton thought he was lucky enough to get a job near Crime Alley. It was odd that the job was available. Even a new specialist like him was allowed to work full-time. And the salary was very decent.

~~~~~~

Danny: Yes, Jazz, everything is just fine. I found a great job and I’m trying to relax and find a hobby, you know. Started feeding the local birds. Apparently they were abused, the poor things are so shy and aggressive.

The local birds:

~~~~~~

Let’s say that a returned Jason as undead cannot be killed for forever. The stab wounds heal quickly, the bullet holes sometimes itch unpleasantly for a few days, but in general his regeneration is at a level with some metahumans. This is convenient. But when Red Hood wakes up in the morgue after a particularly severe injury, he’s not happy. Sometimes even looking in the mirror at his dissection scar is difficult for him. And this situation is a fucking nightmare. Danny: Oh. Are you awake now? I’m sorry I didn’t have time to put you on the couch, I didn’t have clean sheets and my assistant would have killed me because of the new stains. Red Hood: What the hell? I’m sorry?! It’s fucked up! I’d love to see you wake up on the dissection table. Danny: Been there Done that. But hey, I didn’t put you there. You didn’t get here on my shift, give me a break.

Jason: …So, what's now? Danny: Well, I can offer you tea or coffee. Of course, only after I sew up the hole in your stomach and give you a change of clothes. Or I could go after the documents and pretend I didn’t notice one of my bodies got away. But then don’t dream about novocaine blockade. Pretty liver by the way, you don’t see that much in crime lords. Jason: Um, thank you? But you’re weird. Usually people are praised for the beauty of the face or eyes rather than… Danny: Wow, now I feel attacked.You wake up in your helmet. I can’t compliment what I can’t see. Jason: Gee, I’m surprised your colleague hasn’t taken it off yet. Danny: And lose important evidence? It is not customary for us to put curiosity above professionalism.

~~~~~

Jason learns quickly that although Batman is willing to go anywhere to track him, there are always exceptions to the rule. The morgue was one of them. Not surprisingly, the emotional constipation and uncomfortable theme of Jason’s death worked like a perfect bat repeller. Over time, Jason becomes really interested in a guy who genuinely laughs at his death jokes and listens to his problems at work without judgment. Danny is too cute and nice.

Danny*works*: No visitors allowed here.

Jason: Unless you are a zombie, right?

Danny:...Still not one of your hideouts. The book is where you left it, make some tea if you want it.

~~~~~

Jason, once again delivered without a sign of life to Danny after the fight, woke up during pupillary reflex test.

Jason: Oh, beauty, you are just dazzling today.

Danny: As I thought, your regeneration didn’t cure your concussion before your resurrection. I’ll give you referrals for all the tests and examinations. And we really should stop seeing each other like this. Please take care of yourself.

Jason: I don’t think you have the right to prescribe them to me. Danny: Technically I do not. But we live in Gotham. And for some time the hospital where I work at night is very sensitive to my requests.

Red Hood: And why? Danny: It’s hard to explain… Red Hood: Doctor Handsome, I’ve been through some shit, so try to surprise me. Danny: Okay, okay. Look, you are a crime lord for not too long, right? But criminals and cops are afraid of you and kids and your henchmen really likes you. Jason: ..So what? Danny: Can you please recommend how to maintain a reputation but so your people aren’t afraid of you? Jason: Why do you need this information? Your assistant finally realized you’re friends with walking corpses? Danny: It’s not about that! Although, like.. you aren’t wrong? It’s complicated. I may, well, accidentally, honestly, have seized power over a local secret aristocratic criminal society.

Jason: Baby, please tell me everything. I have a restaurant as a front for a business nearby. It’s a date. Let's go. Danny: Let me finish a few stitches first, Jay.

~~~~~

Red Hood and Red Robin fight near Batman: Hood: Replacement was on patrol without permission! Red Robin: And Jason is dating the new owner of Court of Owls! Batman:.. he's doing WHAT? Jason, how could you take such a risk? it is completely unprofessional and Red Hood: At least he loves me for what’s inside me! Red Robin: Yeah, like a beautiful liver. It’s a great relationship base. Red Hood: I’m talking about my feelings and interests. Dumb lil stalker with a big mouth! I’ll teach you not to bother my boyfriend.

~~~~~

Henchman: Boss. We shouldn’t go into that area, the rumors are that there are Talons here. Red Hood: All under control, they won’t touch us. Henchman: How can you be sure? The poem says 'Beware The Court of Owls, that watches all the time, ruling Gotham from a shadow..' Red Hood: Yeah yeah "speak not a whispered word of them or they'll send The Talon for your head". I’m sleeping with their boss, of course I’m sure. Henchman: Boss, don’t kid like that. Red Hood: I don’t pay you for gossip. Let's go.

Dick, to whom the memories began to return, haunts Jason because he did not cut for Lil Wing apple slices like he likes for lunch: Talon came to finish the job. Henchmen: scream

~~~~~

Jason *shows Danny 'Red Flags' on youtube*: Hey, baby, want to be a little shit on our date? I know where Brucie Wayne’s having dinner tonight, so you can meet the family.

[lurkingshan]

Fermat's Cuisine is an Intergenerational Trauma Narrative

When @troubled-mind pitched Fermat's Cuisine to me, I knew I'd be watching it soon, and I went in expecting it to be a kind of classic high stakes restaurant drama with a twist, about a math prodigy slash newbie chef learning the ropes from an intense mentor, figuring out how to translate his special skill and function as part of a well-oiled cooperative team, and taking the restaurant world by storm.

And it was that, partly (until it wasn't). But the core narrative in this drama is not really about food or math or a classic success through adversity arc at all. Instead, it's about the intergenerational trauma passed down through a lineage of abusive haute cuisine chefs, the deep psychological damage they do to each other, and the way our protagonist and his mentor ultimately come together to break the cycle. Obviously, because I am me, this revelation was a goddamn delight and a very welcome surprise. I'm going to dig in on how this theme defined the narrative, so spoilers ahead, folks!

There are many dramas that touch on how extremely high stress restaurant environments are as workplaces and how rampant abuse can get in kitchens. It's quite a common theme explored in most stories about professional chefs. But this drama didn't simply nod to these elements or include them as an added tension point, it doubled down on them and built in an additional layer by centering its story on a lineage of chefs (Shibuya->Kai->Gaku) who explicitly took their protégés into their homes as parent figures.

Shibuya found Kai when he was an unhoused and orphaned child and raised him, bringing him home to live with him and providing him with shelter and material support and a chosen career path. And then he proceeded to mentor him in such an emotionally abusive way that it's kind of a miracle Kai still had any humanity left in him by the time he found Gaku and began to repeat the cycle. Shibuya taught Kai that his entire worth as a human being was dependent on his ability to cook, not just well, but at a level that few in the world can ever hope to achieve. He raised him to strive to "surpass God" with his food and to feel worthless if he couldn't continually top himself. And he raised him to think there was only glory in this achievement if he did it alone, without relying on bonds with other people to support him.

This is deeply fucked up stuff, and it predictably fucked Kai up, especially once he developed an illness that impacted his ability to taste, and therefore, his ability to cook. He found Gaku and repeated the patterns he learned in his childhood to try to quickly mold him into the same kind of chef he feared he could no longer be, and then abandoned him alone with all the same impossible expectations he was raised with, turning him quickly from a sweet kid with a genuine love for learning how to master his job into an abusive tyrant in his own right. Gaku was just a kid, however, no matter how talented, and he couldn't sustain these responsibilities Kai put on him, so it all came crashing down rather quickly, pushing Gaku to go in search of his wayward mentor and pulling them back together in their shared failure. And ultimately, they decided that their only option left was to try working together to achieve their dream in defiance of Shibuya's teachings.

Which led to one of the best scenes in the drama and the one that clinched this story for me, when after cooking a meal for him together, Gaku directly confronted Shibuya on Kai's behalf and demanded that he acknowledge Kai in the way he deserves, giving Kai the catharsis he has been desperately needing for years. Did Shibuya suddenly change his perspective and apologize for his wrongs? Of course not. But the drama showed us how wrong he was by bringing Gaku and Kai together, with the support of their colleagues, to defy his teachings and make beautiful food together their way. And Shibuya was forced to relinquish his hold on Kai, finally giving him the approval he was so desperate for and releasing him from his expectations. Kai broke the cycle with Gaku's help, and thus began to heal. And in helping Kai, Gaku saved himself, as well.

Now, can I claim the execution of this arc in the show was perfect? No, I definitely cannot. This drama is extremely watchable, has a great cast, and was built around a fantastic main idea, but it also has some pretty significant flaws in how it all came together. There were serious pacing problems in this story--some character information was withheld for too long, some narrative beats were rushed to the point that they barely landed, and some character turns were simply not well grounded enough to feel believable. I have a whole reef of notes about how to rearrange the story elements to make it all work on a higher level. But the core of this story is solid and the ending rings true, despite some bumps on the journey to get there.

I highly recommend y'all check this drama out for something a little different and very refreshing. And hey, it's not often that Japan puts their content on major western streaming services and gives us all easy access to enjoy their work, so we should encourage the practice.

[incorrectlumityquotes]

Nellie and Tater: PRIMOS is an Unbalanced Mess

I know this is a lumity blog, but I wanted to talk about something different that has been bothering me lately and it's that new show, PRIMOS.

Now the show did get a lot of backlash a while back for how stereotypical it looked, and Disney Channel made some changes to save face. Now that it's out, the consensus is...

It's so okay, it's average.

And quite frankly, no one cares. Except my brother who I'm watching the show with. Now, I think the show is meh except for two things:

I HATE the main character, Tater, but I love her younger sister, Nellie.

(Tater on the left; Nellie on the right)

For those of you fortunate enough not to know what PRIMOS is, PRIMOS is the new animated show from Disney Channel about a girl name Tater who wants to have big dreams and achieve her "final form" (they never explain what that means), except her mom invited her twelve cousins to stay at their house for the summer. Easy to understand. Very slice of life comedy-ish.

My problem with the show (besides how it looks) is the main character, Tater. I hate her. I hate her design. I hate her voice. I hate her character. But she's the main character which means she's going to be in every episode and get all the screen time. Tater is also very egocentric. Everything has to be about HER and her "final form" whatever that is. Even in episodes that aren't about her, Tater actively tries to make herself the center of them. Hell, the trailer and first episode end with Tater yelling to the heavens, "BUT THIS SUMMER WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT ME!"

Nellie, on the other hand, is her taller yet younger sister.

I love Nellie. Her design is better. Her voice is better. Her character is better. She's mischievous, goofy and level-headed. She's learned to tolerate her gaggle of cousins by tuning people out with her headphones, meditating, doing yoga, and making snarky comments to take people down a peg.

The problem is that Nellie doesn't appear in every episode. Despite being the main character's younger sister, there are some episodes where she's not even mentioned.

At first, this doesn't seem like a big deal. I'm not an idiot. I'm not gonna complain that a secondary character is secondary. But then I saw two episodes: Summer of La Trabajadora and Summer of La Madriguera.

In Summer of La Trabajadora, the episode starts with all the primos at a pizzeria for "primo pizza hour." And Nellie isn't there. She's not even mentioned. They give no reason for her not being there. I guess it would have cost too much to draw her in the background? Her actress costs too much?

Then Summer of La Madriguera, which actually needs a little bit of context. In the second episode of PRIMOS, Tater was afraid the primos were going to completely take over her room. But the primos built Tater her own special "Tater's corner," so she can have her privacy. In Summer of La Madriguera, Tater finds a secret spot in the attic she can use as a hideaway, but Nellie discovers it. Tater doesn't want Nellie to tell any of the primos about it, and Nellie agrees because sometimes you need time alone to recharge. And then Nellie says this:

"I get it. That's why I meditate. I mean, none of the primos made me a special corner."

Wow. Puts a whole new spin on all the episodes that don't have Nellie in them. So now do I not only like Nellie as a character, but I sympathize with her too. As confident and aloof as she is, she does feel left out by Tater and the primos.

Which confuses me.

The creator based Tater off herself, so she's a self-insert creator's pet. We're supposed to like Tater more than any of the other characters because she's the main character. So why make Nellie more sympathetic? We're supposed to care more about Tater's "final form" (whatever that is) than a little girl being ignored in her own family? Fucking...no?

All of this reaches its boiling point in the episode Summer of Imi-Tater.

The episode starts with NELLIE narrating. We get some visual metaphors that I have to describe to you because I don't have screenshots. We'll miss you, KimCartoon.

Nellie sees herself as the Earth (makes sense) and Tater is represented by a sun that never shuts the fuck up. The primos are represented by the other planets and you can guess where this is going.

After that, we see Nellie and the primos watching TV with Nellie riffing (or mst3k-ing if you're old school) the shows and the primos getting a good laugh. They're all having a good time before Tater shows up to make herself the center of attention again. Nellie correctly predicts that Tater has some dumb idea about her final form but need the primos' help. Apparently, Tater needs money for a reason we never learn, and Nellie suggests selling lemonade. Tater then scolds Nellie for interrupting her and then suggests selling lemonade. The primos go wild for Tater's idea...even though Nellie just suggested it not even thirty seconds ago.

Nellie tries to mediate and have tea, but she can't help it this time. She's angry. And she decides to get back at Tater by becoming Tater 2.0 and making her own lemonade stand.

Nellie becomes "Tater 2.0" and is an instant success with her lemonade stand, showing up Tater and winning control of the primos. She even gets a song that is a total bop...and is kinda sad when you pay attention to the lyrics.

"Nellie see you later/cause I'm tater 2.0"

She thinks she has to be a better Tater just to get some attention because no one cared about Nellie being Nellie.

And of course, Tater, being the egocentric gremlin that she is, can't handle it.

Nellie considers this a win...until the primos all comfort Tater. Even when Nellie wins, it has to be about Tater. Nellie decides to prove her point even further by taking over Tater's failed lemonade stand, but goes too far when she reads part of Tater's diary out loud. Nellie threatens to destroy Tater's diary, but when the primos try to talk her down, Nellie loses it. She just screams:

"Tater! Tater! Tater! What about ME?!?!"

And I get it. Usually, Nellie can handle herself but this has been building since the series started. Humans are social creatures and everybody likes attention, at least every once in a while. Nellie was cool just chilling with the primos, but it felt like they dumped her every time Tater had some dumb idea. The didn't even miss her in primo pizza hour. Tater shooting down her idea and then taking credit for it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Nellie realizes that she was burying her anger instead of dealing with it and talks to Tater. And then I hate the episode again because Tater makes it about herself again. Tater shows that she has a "Nellie Index" in her diary and that when Tater wins the Nobel Prize, she'll be sure to thank Nellie during her acceptance speech.

First of all, fuck you. Second, this isn't good enough for me. This ending doesn't resolve any of the issues brought up. It doesn't resolve or explain why the primos ignore or straight up forget Nellie. It doesn't show why we should prefer Tater over Nellie. It barely resolves Nellie burying her feelings. So it brings up the question, why do this? Why make an episode that shows your main character being a jerk to a close family member and then handwaving a resolution?

My theory is that when creators have their super-special-OC-don't-steal, they have blinders on that prevents them from seeing how bad their characters actually are. Like Mike and Bryan about Aang from Avatar the Last Airbender. Aang did some bad things, but Mike and Bryan don't see them as bad, just little character flaws to grow out of. Here I thought consent was cool, but whatever.

I like this episode and I don't like this episode. It's an unbalanced mess that has the moral and the focus in the wrong place. I love Nellie more and hate Tater more. The problem is I know that the show intended for the opposite to happen, and that's not a good sign.

Later, hater!

[who1ssheesh]

Paint me burgundy

Pairings: Xanxus x Artist!S/O

Snippets (not really connected) of you both being pseudointellectual snobs. Xanxus likes classics, you like suprematists and other stupid things he doesn't.

Warnings: some suggestive and violent themes, swearing, nor beta-read; self-indulgent, S/O has specific traits. some references are quickly explained right in the text lol just in case, they are marked in a red color. not specified how he met the reader and i dont care much

A/N: first of all, I love to headcanon Xanxus being a fan of classic and very expressive art, and second of all, YES this is a very self-indulgent + YES its Xanxus again + i don't care + L + ratio, at least i had fun. Actually there is also "Paint me azure" with Squalo in my drafts, please please please let me know if i should keep it with an artist s/o or switch to some other artistic skill </3 or maybe that idea is a really bad one to begin with lol

Some would say art for Xanxus is merely a bullet hole in a canvas, but they completely miss the point that he in return to that statement would himself a Lucio Fontana of the mafia world.

-

Being raised in a high-society - he would say that word with a snort though - he is around art a lot, and you should give credit to Timoteo who tried to educate his son and open all the possibilities no ordinary man can ever afford.

-

Xanxus has such a delicate soul. Like a silk string, tense and easy to rip. Sometimes daydreaming about dying a poetic death to be remembered for generations. "What an artist dies in me", he mutters expressively while smoking a cigarette on a balcony viewing the old Venice.

Quote on an Emperor Nero, said before he died. Known for tyranny, cruelty and debauchery, he had a big passion for art. And still he proved himself as a good ruler until he devolved to despotism and cruelty after his mentor died. Nero delved deeper into art, forgetting about his duties which led to his demise. Emperor found out he was going to be assassinated and said the quote before slitting his throat. Does Xanxus see himself in Nero? Maybe he doesn't want to but he does. A lot.

After that Xanxus laughs. He will not die.

-

Xanxus is inevitably intertwined with death. He remembered seeing Caravaggio as a child. A big canvas looking at him threateningly with an unknown feeling of dread, leaving deep red in his memory. Latter works beckon him with the despair hidden in them, and this was the first time in life Xanxus was left...breathless.

Being the famous artist Caravaggio is, his life was filled with tragedies due to his aggressive character. He was exiled from Rome after killing Tomassoni and in the end, though there are a lot of rumors, historians are convinced he was killed by Tomassoni family in revenge. His works after the incident noticeably shift tone.

Xanxus realized he likes burgundy.

-

Xanxus develops a taste in a bold art. Something aggressive, not afraid to challenge the viewer. He likes gems that shine silently, being able to catch the eye only of the knowing one who understands its value, not a colored glass attracting every fool with its...vulgarity, i'd say. Xanxus loves himself too much to be surrounded surround with anything but the best.

Still not an "accepting modern art" level of bold art but he will go there if he wants or not.

You haven't considered yourself a suffering artist. It's easier to day that you are not the artist than to spend all the money you have on a way too expensive materials to profit...nothing. You could leave that a little cozy dream to achieve in life - to have a small studio of your own.

But for now you can appreciate the art of the greatest. Or so you think, because a bored Xanxus accidentally turned out to be in a museum right next to you in contrary thinks you're an idiot.

"You're looking at a fucking black square", he says almost disgusted for no reason.

"Well, you're looking at me looking at a black square. Who's better?"

Xanxus barks a laugh.

"What's the point though?"

"You want a boring one or a funny one?"

"I'm too sober for a boring one."

"Imagine it's like...a background of a Caravaggio painting. You're standing your back to the main painting and looking at the blackness. You know what I mean?"

Xanxus smirks.

"Let's go."

"Where?"

"I need a shot before I hear your other bullshit."

A manifesto. Suprematism being the new step for the philosophy of things - exploring not the outer shape but the true meaning of it. A simple square being the beginning of all shapes. "A quadrangle", you call it. "It's a square, you idiot", Xanxus tells you. The first name being the quadrangle because there were no right angles to show a dynamic form in a static quadrangle, you explain. Xanxus doesn't answer not knowing if it's fucking stupid or equally genius. Black square for economy, red for revolution and white for a pure action, which one would be you?

"Red", Xanxus says confidently.

"Why not all of them? If you mix them all...let's roughly say it's something pretentious like burgundy".

He likes that. Why choose when Xanxus can have all. And he likes burgundy. A lot. Maybe he even could like suprematism with your bullshit. He doesn't like economy at all though, but the sound of having all at the same time is good.

Xanxus has never gave a shit about architecture. His architecture is having a lavish house and a comfortable expensive bed to fall asleep after too much drink. Or work. Or both. Not long ago having you in the bed naked was added to that wish list.

But "never have a shit" doesn't equal to "never knew".

"I would make a fucking impluvium in m'house", he lazily gesticulates a square while comically standing in the center of your small apartment which, you feel, has Xanxus as a pretty much a resident. You're not sure how to hide an absurd ton of alcohol from your visiting family and friends or what to do with his sour strong cologne trail. But should you bother at that point?

"Why?", you snort.

"Why the fuck not?", he moves closer with hand in his pockets and jokingly threatens you. "To be filled with the blood of virgins or sum, duh".

Your laugh fills the room, and Xanxus feels at peace. Sort of, he still doesn't have an impluvium filled with the blood of a hundred virgins.

Xanxus is fully aware you are an artist of a huge potential. He pretends he didn't see your albums here and there filled with his sketchy portraits, and deep down he can't understand how you...like him so much? How you notice small useless things to the point of learning exact pattern of his scars and somehow also add some shitty sappy poetic-my-ass comparisons.

So judging that he was expecting something pompous of you for his birthday, especially after his "Just do me all cool in a suit, naked whores here and there, dead Sawada on the wall instead of a tiger skin and Squalo on his knees.", and still he is convinced that is going to be your life masterpiece, a magnum opus.

But here he is, Lussuria showing him an unpacked painting of... a burgundy square. Some of the guests starts whispering that it's some mockery.

"Boss, it's a square of all things?"

"It's a quadrangle, you idiot".

Just in a couple of days there is a bullet hole in the painting, but you would be not a xanxus-said-idiot but a real one to expect something different from your pretty extravagant man.

No matter how hard some people try to hide it - Fran was too late with his illusions, Lussuria was scared for your "soft" heart and it feels like even Squalo has some pity towards you - you're still here, looking at the ruined canvas with...not sadness.

"I like that", your eyes shine while looking at whatever you can call it now. "Ever thought about Lucio Fontana? He was the first one to use canvas as a piece of work itself, not as a base for the art. Aggressive and not afraid to challenge the old ways, isn't that Xanxus as a whole?"

"He used a sword to cut the canvas, duh!" Squalo screamed while taking his leave clearly being offended with that comparison.

Since that day if someone says art for Xanxus is merely a bullet hole in a canvas, but they completely miss the point that he in return to that statement would himself a Lucio Fontana of the mafia world.

He doesn't give a shit who he is and doesn't understand whatever the hell he did. but at least rich idiots believe when he says it's some extremely expensive unique art piece.

He has his own manifesto in a way.

[yuyu1024]

Falling

Pairings: Yunho × y/n

Genre/tags: relationship issue

Warning: ghosting, insecurity, cursing [lmk if i miss anything]

Words: 1.2k

Disclaimer:

- this story is just made up

- english is not my first language, please be nice 😊

Note: repost. Check pinned post for more.

*********

Three months have passed. You've cut your hair, updated your wardrobe, listened to all taylor swift's album on repeat and even read books you've always wanted to read but had no time before. You kept yourself busy.

Within those three months you focused on yourself. Helping yourself get up from being broken hearted. Finding the good of being alone and finding the bad of being with him. Loving Yunho. Trusting... Yunho.

It's fucking painful, really. Within that three months of you trying to move on, you did your best. Gave you best smiles, laugh and squeezed all the positivity you have in your body. It's tiring. You'd be probably dead if it weren't because of your friends.

"Don't tell me that your crying again because of that guy." A hand appears in front of your face, handing you a can of rootbeer

You break a small smile as you take the drink from his hand. "Seonghwa..." you shake your head, "I'm just admiring the view okay?"

"Just checking..." he sits down beside you, dipping his feet in the pool to. "Does he still contact you?"

"Yes... Everyday actually..."

"Do you reply?"

"No. Not once." You look down at your hands, "I just... look at the notification and...yeah..."

"Y/n, I know you've asked Hongjoong, Jongho and I to give you time... to not ask you anything at all... just... be with you... but..."

You sniffle, trying to smile. You know that a day would come that one of them will ask you. The real reason why Yunho and you are not together.

You try to keep it together for so long and hiding it.

"Do you think... I'm stupid?" You turn your head to face Seonghwa, looking at you, eyes filled with curiousity and concern. "For... leaving Yunho? For ghosting a guy that I've been with for the last three years... the guy that every girl ever dreamed of... the guy that everyone thinks is a perfect man... an achiever, passionate, hard working, loving, kind, sweet and good looking..." you take a deep breathe, "a guy that loved me so much... more than I derserve..."

"Y/n..."

"I know what I did is 100% wrong..."

"Fuck yeah." He mumbles, making you smile a bit even though tears are swelling up your eyes

"And yet... here you guys are supporting me... or if not... atleast staying beside me..."

"We're your friends... even we think your wrong... that doesn't mean we will leave you..."

"Yeah... thanks for that..."

"But what the fuck is your reason? For breaking Yunho's heart... even yours..."

"I got scared."

"Of what?"

"Not being enough... not giving him what he deserves..." you start to tear up for real now. "It probably sound fucked up for you guys but... Its eating me up inside. That when I look at him, giving me all his best, all his time, all his love and everything he can give... but then there's me, just receiving and not matching what he's capable of giving... I feel bad for him... I... I feel like... one day... he'll get tired of me that... that he'd leave me because he might've feel that I don't love him the same way..."

"Do you?" Seonghwa asks, "do you not love him the same way?"

"I do!" You weakly cry out. "I love him..."

"But... you chose to leave and hurt him?"

"I got scared that what if... one day he got tired of me, talking to me, listening to my nonsense... and that he might not need me anymore... I know my decision is fucked up because I don't want to be the only one hurting... I just... I don't know!" You cover your face with your hands and start sobbing. "I... I just... that night... at Hongjoong's party... I was feeling so down and stressed with everything happening in my life. Already overthinking about us... and then I saw him... I saw him with the girls that looked like the same level as him... my insecurities just wrapped my whole body and..."

"Y/n... I get how you feel... whatever you are feeling within you... it is valid... it's not wrong for you to worry and feel things like that... but you should atleast talk to him... discuss these with him... its unfair for him. You two have been together for three years... he's been good to you. Don't you think he deserves an explanation... an acceptable reason for you two to break up?"

"I know..." you wipe your tears. "But I'm so scared to confront him...I don't know what to say... or how..."

"You can start by reading my texts and answering my calls..."

Both you and Seonghwa freezes before turning around. It's him. It's Yunho.

"Sorry...I tried to ask him to leave but..." Hongjoong is standing behind him.

"It's okay." You say to him.

"We'll leave you two then..." Seonghwa stands up and leaves with Hongjoong to to back in the house.

Silence fills the air between you two as the others left. However the tension is up in the sky. You can feel his stare from behind you so you try to avoid looking back at him.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to get you back."

"It's been three months, Yunho..."

"So? I don't care!" You hear him walk closer. "We never broke up in the first place... you just went silent."

You get up from dipping you feet in the pool and face him. "Please..."

"Please what?" He looks angry "The fuck y/n! Why are you doing this to me? Why are you hurting me?"

"I...I'm sorry..." you cry

"I fucking love you so much! You have no idea... the pain I felt when you suddenly vanished and avoided me. I... I don't get it. What did I do to to give you a reason to leave me?"

"I'm sorry..."

"No, I don't need your sorry. Y/n, I want you back! Please... Please!" He rush towards you and hugs you tightly, like his life is hanging on to you. "Please... talk to me about your feelings... I will accept it... all your pain and worries... I will carry them with you... just... please... don't leave me... stay with me..."

Hearing him beg and cry for you to comeback is painful. It makes your heart weaks and regret things.

"Don't you love me anymore?" He asks, his face burried to your neck

"I... still do..."

"Then why... y/n... why can't you just... love me...?"

"You deserve more..."

He let you go to look into your eyes. "I deserve whatever love you could give me. I'm not asking for more... all that matters to me is you."

"You will get tired of always giving..."

"That's for me to decide... if I get tired of picking you up at school, carrying your bag, cooking dinner for you, watching romantic movies with you or going shopping with you or whatever... I will tell you... I will work it out with YOU... but even though I get tired of taking care of you one day... that doesn't affect the amount of love I have for you. I love YOU and not the what and the whys. I just... love you."

He wrapps his hands around you even tighter.

"I can't live without you..."

"Yunho..." you finally hug him back, sobbing. "I'm so sorry!"

[peppermintquartz]

Arthur's watch doesn't actually work. He checks the time on his phone, like most people these days. The watch was a gift from his late grandfather. It is elegant - a rich brown leather strap, cream watch face, gold detailing. No numbers.

Eames is as surprised as anyone to discover that the watch doesn't tell the correct time, and then realizes that he has inadvertently found out Arthur's real totem.

He's torn between not telling Arthur, because Arthur hasn't noticed that Eames has stolen his watch, and telling Arthur that it's a stupid totem, because it can be easily stolen.

In the end he snaps his own watch back on Arthur's wrist and goes back to his room.

It takes two hours and seventeen minutes before Arthur knocks on the door irritably.

"Give it back," Arthur says.

"You need a new totem," Eames replies, dangling the purloined timepiece from its strap.

"It's not my totem." Arthur retrieves it and gives Eames back his watch.

"Then why doesn't it tell the correct time?" Eames wonders if his supposition was wrong. He thought that the watch only tells the right time in a dream.

Arthur squints at him, like Eames is playing checkers in a poker game. "It tells the time where my family is."

Eames never once considered that Arthur has surviving relatives. Or a family of any sort. Somehow Arthur, in Eames' very rich imagination, sprang full-fledged and fully clad in a three-piece suit, like Artemis from Zeus.

"Huh." He files that away in the meticulously organized mental folder marked ARTHUR.

*

Eames picks a hard candy out of Arthur's pocket and sucks on it - ooh, lemon - while the point man is putting up papers on the board. He's going to brief the team in ten minutes and Eames knows the job isn't one that requires their combined talents, but Ariadne asked it as a favor. She is the only other person in the world who Eames thinks is allowed to ask favors of Arthur.

Cobb can go to hell.

"Stealing my candy? That's low of you." Arthur doesn't even sound mad. He just looks disappointed.

Eames holds out a peace offering and winks.

Arthur narrows his eyes. "I don't want a Chupa Chup."

"Indulge me."

"I'll slur my words."

"I can present it. I know the stuff as much as you do, from all your mutterings and sketches."

Arthur takes the lollipop and rolls his eyes. "Don't fuck up the numbers." Then he gets to his chair and leans back in it, the lollipop swiftly unwrapped, and he closes his eyes to enjoy the sucker while the rest of the team saunter in.

*

Arthur is a point-man, which means Arthur doesn't know what to do with himself unless he has a goal to aim for. He finds the concept of free time abhorrent, somehow, like it is a waste not to be working to achieve some distant target.

Eames despairs of him some days. (Months. Years.) They don't always keep in touch, but sometimes Eames gets this tingling sensation that Arthur's working himself to the bone once more, and with some deft questioning of his questionable contacts, he usually finds out that's the case. Sometimes he intervenes by popping in to drag Arthur out on a wild goose chase, sometimes he sabotages the job if he thinks it smells fishy, sometimes he lets Arthur do what he does so damn well and sends him tickets to a Greek island after.

But this time, Arthur drops off the face of the earth completely.

So of course Eames goes looking.

*

Here's the thing: Eames knows that Arthur knows that Eames has a thing for him. Hard not to: Eames is very obvious about it.

And Arthur isn't all that subtle about letting Eames know that he's letting Eames bother and tease and make a nuisance of himself only because Arthur, at some level, enjoys it.

Eames finds Arthur in Winnipeg in the middle of a park, except Arthur is wearing a bright blue down jacket with a checkered scarf and he's drinking Starbucks - probably a simple mocha - and he's not Arthur, because the kids who are with him call him Uncle Levi, and Eames thinks he can't be more charmed in his entire life.

He takes a picture from his vantage point and goes back to his hotel, satisfied to have laid eyes on Arthur-who-is-Levi, and has room service.

Two minutes after midnight, he gets a phone call from Arthur.

"Delete whatever photo you took of my niece and nephew," Arthur says without preamble.

Eames hums, pretending to consider. "What do I get in exchange?" He can almost hear the frown on Arthur's handsome face, and smiles broadly.

After a while, Arthur asks, "What do you want?"

Eames wants to say, Everything you are willing to give me. He says, "Tell me if I'm good enough for you."

"Eames." Arthur sounds impatient and frustrated. "Eames, you idiot."

That's not a yes or a no. Eames takes out his poker chip and plays with it, the pad of his finger scraping along that smooth edge of the chip. Water running over stone, washing away its sharp edges.

Arthur's voice goes soft, but not shy. "Why do you fucking think I work so hard for? What you can do on instinct, I have to struggle to achieve in months."

Eames' smile grows. There it is. And he's found the chip in his token, that one bit that scratches the edge of his thumb. "Alright then. New Year's Eve, darling. You know where to find me."

[supermaks]

~personally~ of course as someone who is very interested in 3344 i would love to hear from lewis what his perspective is on max, who is compared more to senna, who is lewis' hero within his senna stannie fan card. like if senna wrote the fucking book max wrote the smash remake. like obviously humans are messy and complicated but like in ur pysche if the guy you "hate" is cut from the exact same cloth (and even sharper!) than the guy you love hmmmm. there's a lot of things to be talked about when drivers talk about who they idolize and why (or don't idolize). but i also love what u posted form that 1991 article bc f1 has never not been messy and human and solely about "wheel" or whatever and that makes it more interesting.

This is such supermaks bait anyway lets TALK about it 🌷

Literally thats the whole thing wid Canada that really stuck wid me after Max broke Sennas most wins oat, like Lewis' lil selfie wid him and his 'this is a pretty iconic podium' and that whole sloppy toppy moment wid fellow old Dawg Nando ((yall remember Nando podiums . damn 🕊️)) like theres a certain gravitas here. Max ended the most dominant streak by an f1 driver in the most controversial, soul crushing devastating fashion and followed that shit wid his own brand of dominance. That is fucking brutal lmfao. U said it like this is thee smash f1 remake this is textbook Senna, we've seen the script, we know what kind of driver it takes to enact the script. Its not gonna be a nice lil driver, its gonna be somebody who has a deep cynicism for the whole thing while simultaneously being unable to not execute it to perfection. That is Senna. It is Lewis. And it is Max. Max is, by all measures, in his current form, wid this red bull team, driving this car, untouchable. Bro is the final dawg. And the way that he still drives bro, that aggressiveness he has, that unwillingness to give up the line, thats every ((good)) drivers' dream to face a driver like that and come out on top because, ironically, thats as close to racing as it gets and it is old school. It does emulate a different time, a time that Lewis not only grew up watching but contributed to himself. It is about 'wheel' in the end but theres also a person in that car that can break you, which is like an extraordinarily human thing.

I've always found Lewis' bias for Senna very interesting because I think prolly until he was 25, and mind u I havent watched every Hamilton title winning season only 2008 and then obvi 2020 was my first so like obvi really influences how I c him, but he had that same restless nature. The shouts Max was getting even in 2021, Lewis got them too, including being a risk to his own peers, being rash, arrogant, etc. But then Lewis moved past Senna, imo, and became ‘Hamilton’, took over his own narrative, his team, made his own legend, wid his own dominant cars, and like he was settling back into that. Max came in at a point where u thought a Senna-like figure had no more space in f1. But Max created room, literally by force, and is also slowly outgrowing that to become ‘Verstappen’. I think thats the thread that wont snap between them, the knowledge that they are the last true protagonists of their respective eras. I have in faith in sharl, I think sharl wid a competent car, a good team, can achieve history too, but I dont have faith in Ferrari. Ferrari cannot perform to that level rn. So u have this monster at 25 whos like alone in his greatness and refuses to act the part. I get why people who dont fw Max's achievements might not like it, but that doesnt keep him from being the racing driver he is. That has no bearing on it, on him. Its a complete fabrication from fans. That is why Max feels so inevitable, and like, genuinely upsets people who dislike him by saying or doing anything because he will always own up on track and like theres an almost existential horror u cause haters wid that type of aura. Lewis is that same breed of driver, so he recognizes it, he knows what it takes be f1's villain. U cant cast a shadow on something u dont stand over.

After Silverstone he said: 'for a long, long time we’ve had periods of dominance. I’m lucky to have had one with my team. Michael Schumacher had it, Sebastian Vettel had it, and now Max’s period has arrived.' Just now in Hungary right after taking pole he said some shit like 'Max was doing 'Max things' in quali' which is a lil crazy to me. 😐 when the fuck did u ever hear Lewis Hamilton refer to a 'Max thing' except when Max has his ((much beloved)) category 5 Jeddah moments or bullies him during fp1 because he liked dared to breathe in his direction. Like since when is 'Max thing' a compliment. Like something shifted here and part of that is Max's inevitability in this car but also like how Lewis perceives that inevitability. Yk personally I cud only ever measure myself thru the people who beat me. In sports truly competition is all that is, u find somebody better and u chase after them. That's what Max did. He's rewriting those same records, because he can. And everybody who was ever somebody in motorsport did the exact same thing, including Lewis. And Senna right up until he died, because of the way it happened too, unfortunately, changed not only how u saw motorsport but also how u saw the person inside the car.

sharl was recently asked about lewis and max and had a very Leclerc type answer that I found very interesting:

Q: You were able to beat both Verstappen and Hamilton, who is more difficult to deal with?

Charles: "Both of them, they have completely different driving styles. Max always goes to the limit, I like his approach. He is aggressive and creates spectacular fights. Lewis on the other hand is very clever. In the way he positions the car after a corner, for example. He is less aggressive but thinks more. If he doesn't overtake you in one place, it's because he's thinking of an easier one in which to attack!"

Like is this not the most senna prost shit you've ever read in your entire life 😭😭. I think it comes down to how u approach a race and what u do wid the machinery ur given and faced wid certain track-specific challenges. Like look at this Spa weekend and you'd think it's the opposite of what sharl described, but it isnt. Max and Lewis can both be very aggressive, they just came up in the sport differently and established themselves wid different cars. Also neither of them about to let checo catch a break djdkdkd. In CONCLUSION ‼️ motorsport in general is a narrative driven competition wid a mechanical element that can make or break anybody no matter how good they are. Max himself becoming part of the mechanical element is unique to him, tho. Its above and beyond. Trust that the driver who became synonym for dominance in f1 is definitely paying attention lmfao

[justatalkingface]

Unsure if I mentioned this here but I do think Izu and Shig backstory dont make whole lot sense.

Izu wants to be a hero bc...bc why not? I know you said how he may he brainwashed to propaganda but the thing is we dont know for fact. Yes, Izu saw one video of Am saving everyone but thanks to Hori...it seems only Izu is a fan of AM.

And he was abused for no reason. Now, I like heroes who come.from the bottom and work their way up but usually it has a sense, a logic here. For example. Naruto wants to be a hokage but the village hates him bc of the ninetail fox who is sealed in him. Its works as to explain people in the village dont like him and why he wants to be hokage.

Izu wants to be hero bc.....who knows?

Izu is abused bc .....why not?

Shig is the villain of the story. Was taken by afo and trained to be a big deal...except not. Afo gives 0 fucks about shig and seems to loathe Nana for some reason and he ignores Shig.

He let Shig lives in a bar(a seedy one) and we, as a reader dont get Shig. He speaks "I will end all the heroes" but we see him chilling and gamming. Why? Why not?!

He gets an army out of nowhere.

He has no real conviction and all he has is a sad backstory (which I think it is lazy) and a cool power.

Thats it.

I do see Shig in canon as a npc who waits for afo to follow instructions. The part I say it makes no sense is why Shig obeys afo and why he is so dead set in destroy all heroes. Why?

Why not?

And he has no real developement same as Izu but the villain stans love to pick fights with others fandoms to say "Shig is the most complex character ever"

(Legit! I'm not making this one up. Some fans do picked up with the JJK fandom bc of the Shig's speech in the war that was aired at the same volume as a character from JJK who made a speech akin to "I care for my friends")

Izuku wants to be a hero because a mess of things: part of it is he simply wants to help people. Part of it is that he wants acknowledgement from others, to be deemed as 'worthy'. I'd bet actual money that there's more than a few dreams of just being strong for once in his life there as well, as compared to feeling weak all the time, because the costumes we saw in his notebook were as much fantasy (all All Might, all the time!) than anything realistic.

All of these things are things that can be achieved outside of heroism, true, but there is where the propaganda kicks in (along with more than a little learned helplessness, more fantasizing, and so on): Izuku thinks, emotionally, that being a hero is the only way he can achieve them.

It's interesting, because that first chapter shows him putting aside those dreams, so he's intellectually aware of the impossibility of them, among other things, and since he's not an idiot he probably realizes that he can save people without being All Might, but it's clear that's settling for him all the same, and on some instinctive level those facts aren't clicking for him.

In all honesty, Early Izuku's dream of being a hero is just that: a dream. Something unrealistic, something that isn't going to happen.

(And, yes, I realized that with what we've seen of heroism for most of the story, a Quirkless person could actually perform all the various heroic duties as well as most Quirked individuals; that's not the point. The main reason he can't is the systematic prejudices about the Quirkless and heroes that say that they can't, to the point where such a thing is literally unpreceded. On top of that, said prejudices have been used to beat down Izuku so damn hard that he doesn't have the guts to actually try for it, which, again, isn't actually his fault; when the world tell you, 'fuck you for living', over and over and over and over again it makes it hard to do anything, but if Izuku was actually trying for heroism in a real way, he would have been in a lot better shape then he was at the start of canon.)

It's something he realizes, but the point of Izuku's dream of being a hero, for Izuku, isn't about achieving it, per say, it's about getting through the day. It's the fantasy he falls back on when his life is shit and horror and he has no real hope left, that dream of being a hero, of standing next to the greatest of all, All Might! It's not a goal, it's a mental escape.

All of this, of course, rapidly gets complicated for him when he meets the real All Might, who in the span of a few hours both destroys and then reaffirms said dream.

Shigaraki, on the other hand, is a completely different animal. It was complicated, at first, since we didn't actually know what AFO's end game was with him; he did seem to be pushing for him to be an actual successor there for awhile, and him ending up as insane all-destroyer if said plan failed probably amused AFO as a sort of back-up plan.

The thing is with Tomura, though, is he was never meant to actually stand on his own two feet and be a villain properly; he was there there to be AFO's vessel, with some snazzy upgrades. Thematically, he's supposed to exact opposite of Pinnochio: rather than a puppet raised to be a real boy, he's a real boy raised to be a puppet.

The reason why he's kind of a clusterfuck of a person, why he doesn't seem to know how to function normally, why he doesn't earn so many of the things he has rather than having them all handed to him, is because doing all those things right, achieving them, means he'd have a stronger sense of self, a will, a foundation to stand on as a person and a human being.

All For One doesn't want that; he doesn't actually want an heir, he wants an NPC, one who will mindlessly say, 'Yes, Sensei', and hand his body over when the time comes.

For almost the entire story, AFO has kept him in a very controlled environment, feeding him only the information he wants to grow his hate, strong and yet unfocused.... and this, admittedly, is where his plan's logic falls apart, because honestly the idea of, 'If I hate hard enough I can hoover up OFA' is kind of nuts in and of itself, and the idea this guy can no longer feel real emotions is a both a cop out and also nuts, but that is the stated logic of the plan.

I cheerfully ignore late-game stuff for my meta when it feels right, because so much of it is bad, but I'm keeping it here because it puts Tomura's entire situation in perspective in a needed way; I've never felt AFO raising him as his actual heir makes sense because, as you've pointed out, Tomura's situation is fucked up and ineffective for just about anything other than random violence and murder, much less a criminal overlord to rule over all crime and bring down society. His raising doesn't work for that... but at the same time, he also put a lot of work into developing Tomura emotionally, which, for a future vessel that he's supposed to inhabit, sounds.... unideal, to say the least. Giving your future body ideas is exactly the reason AFO is in the situation he's in in canon, after all, so it made me wonder; is he actually going to be his heir? Is this not a trick after all?

Trying to figure out what he/Hori was going for with Tomura is something that frustrated me with MHA for the longest time, you can't even imagine.

But, if he has a reason for that, it clicks: the idea behind how convoluted and bizarre Tomura's situation is is that AFO is threading that line; he needs that raw emotion, he needs it to be grown and to fester in on itself, so he can get OFA, which is something he apparently wants so damn bad he's willing to risk control of his future body over (and yet doesn't count for the emotional requirements...? Honestly, this shit sounds like something the Sith would do in Star Wars (and we know he loves Star Wars) (...or maybe Kingdom Hearts; this honestly gives me some real Terra and Xehanort vibes, if done by a fucking amateur), but Hori is trying to explain why the hate is needed without the Force... badly), but he needs a hate that's hollow, so there's no resistance to him.

Think of Tomura like... a bonsai. A bonsai is a fundamentally unnatural thing for a tree to be, but with careful, careful nurturing, and a lot of time and patience, you can get this tiny tree in a shape no real tree would ever grow into. There's no natural way to have a body that is both strong enough in desire to get OFA and pliable enough to be used to house AFO's mind, so AFO decided to make one instead, carefully growing and neutering him, while making sure he stayed within his designs.

TLDR: the whole point of Tomura's everything is he wasn't actually raised to be a person, he was raised to be a mass of unfocused resentment in the shape of a person (which is why I'm inclined to give him a break the way I do no other villain when it comes to questions like, why don't you do literally anything else to achieve your goals, or why don't you approach things from a less aggressive angle, and so on: the man literally doesn't have any context for that kind of thing.)

(I'm going to digress a little here, because I've complained about how late-game Tomura worked, and yet here, I'm saying that it makes sense. Well, that's the thing: broadly, it works. But, with so many things, both in general and in MHA, the devil is in the details.

If the overall goal was always to make Tomura a vessel, than literally his entire arc after AFO's fall, until the War, doesn't make sense, because he was guided into all these situations, left alone to have confrontations and challenges, often in a controlled kind of way... but the thing is, all of those things helped him grow as a person. This is, remember, the exact thing AFO didn't want, and presumably Garaki knew about that.

This begs the question, then: why did it happen? Why did Garaki lead him to fight again Gigantomachia? Why did Tomura have all this time to roam about on his own, largely unsupervised beyond some doctor given objectives, if they didn't want him getting those pesky ideas?

If the goal was to give him hate, give him a stronger body, then yeet AFO into him, then after AFO fell they should have made plans to do that shit right the fuck then. If he needed to be stronger physically, rather than fighting a giant to get a minion, and again, being out and about, lock him in a training room somewhere and say, 'AFO said so'.

Tomura's situation before AFO fell makes sense for the Hate Vessel idea, mostly. Tomura's situation after AFO falls makes sense for the Heir concept. The fact they did development for the heir idea, only to pivot back into the vessel concept out of nowhere, is why it works so badly for me; they developed his story in the wrong way for that to make sense.)

[metavandetta23]

nobody is going to read this, so I am just gonna put it out there warning: rambling from some fucking guy ever. you have been warned.

life sucks, blah blah blah, but instead of just complaning about that, how about I give you bit explenation as to why. so sit down there one of my 121 followers. If anyone of you read that is and not just clicked follow on one art I made and buzzed off (no offense there, just saying.) Okay so you might ask, why now out of sudden i blow like up that. Here is the answer: See, I have been doing creative stuff like, be it art, writing, music or whatever for past..... lets say 4-5 years. As you might guess, some of these ventures didnt pan out in the end. i mean, its given. It happens. Let me mention some of the things I tried over the years. I tried making a homestuck comic on mspa when I first started doing creative stuff. I managed to get pretty far compared to most projects I will mention, but I didnt finish in the end. Why? I got burned out, because I worked on it full non stop. Then I tried having a cool rp campagin session with pals from discord server I known. That ended in tragedy, especially after one of them out of fucking blue, send a fucking gore of dead person. None of us expected this to happen. Earlier I tried music, couldnt do that thing earlier unless you call "music" by swapping midis with shitty piano font. Well, atleast it didnt end up with a gore.

Then I tried working on some ut aus. Did it even work? HAHAHAHAHAHA, what do you think? Ofcourse, not. Didnt peak interest, because I didnt capture interest basically. Anyways this goes on and on. Deltarune au there, some another rp server there and there (one turned into glorified horny rp out of college setting that I tried initially, pal if you are reading this, sorry but this server just sucked ass) I think you might start seeing a pattern here. You would think eventually. That being "Gee meta, thats sure lot of failures, you must have atleast succed one time BIG right?" Haha, no. Okay I did manage to finish some of my stuff but like. really really low bar stuff. so essentially in the eyes for everyone, nothing. See, most of the failures from these projects came from me doing solo. You would think me teaming up with someone would help? Not really, unless I literally pay them money for it, tough fucking luck. Out of 5 years of me doing creative shit, only 4 people helped me out that I recall. they couldnt helped me out for long in the end, but i appreciated for them when they could. all rest of people? Fucking went ghost and then I was left alone, figuring this shit out myself. It isnt fun knowing that you put trust in someone, only in the end to be alone in this in the end. I wish I was so fucking talented, creative, witty or self efficent as the people i asspire to, the artists i admire who make works of artm writers who can write witty, fun but touching stories. I wish I could be at thier level, so I could make great works of art. But atlas, I am not. I dont seek glory or fame, even if it would be nice. No, I just want people to enjoy creating what I make, to feel like I have impact on the world, that people can share with. to make connections with. Look in the end I am just 20 year old guy from europe, that isnt much good at anything, including social life, apperantly. Only thing I am good at is pixel art, but just barely. I am very much uncreative person. and unconfident and rather hopeless one these days, despite how much I try to hide in fake smiles.

I dont have much better way to end this sort of ramble, besides mentioning tobys recent post from spring newslettter and my view on it. "There's times where it feels like your hopes and dreams are simply slipping away from you. That the things you wanted to achieve are floating away from you in the sky while you lie there, fallen in a crater, your wing torn off, never to grow back. Bitterness grows, and you feel like you may never leave the ground again.

But

That's not true.

You can still fly.

Even if you lose a piece of yourself, even if it feels like you can't get up anymore, you can. You can fly with one wing. You can fly without any wings."

Can you really even fly, even if you feel like a part of yourself was torn off? That it happened right before you could even took off. No matter how much you struggle, scream and rage. You can still never to be able to fly like others, much even take off from ground. No matter how much you try. You feel shackled to ground, to the bones of earth. While you look towards as sky, as other people dance in the air beyond your wildest imagination. Its so beautiful, yet so out of your reach. Cries of helps can be heared coming from you from miles in the air. But they all fall on the deaf ears. Or maybe its just out of bliss ignorance? You cant say. You want to join them, join them so badly. To feel like you could finally be a part of something greater. To feel like you could belong somewhere. To be cared. But you just cant. It wasnt meant to be made. Resentment grows inside your soul. As that feeling rots inside you more and more. Part of you wishes this feeling to be gone, to never be felt. But the other part, says otherwise. It wants that liberty desperately, looking with its green eyes at them. Why they? Why not me. Why not me at all!?. You just want what they have yourself. It grows inside you more and more as you allow it to. You eventually consdering tearning off other people wings. Even if you cant ever fly agian, doesnt mean you should be the only who suffer like this right? And why do they deserve to fly, anyway. They would be better off without that, you think. Plus, even in this state. You know you can do this option. To cripple someone, just to make yourself feel better even if its only for a moment. But then you realise. If you ever would reach to that point. Whatever drive you initally, would be just gone. In fear of your insecurities and weakness. You decide to lie up, instead. Rendering your shackled and vulerable. Locked inside, with no way or out. Perhpas in the end.... Its better if you dont fly at all...

[thenixkat]

also the protag of Kaiju no. 8's name is Kafka which is extremely on the nose

ok i'm watching the first ep

so human civilizations have been fighting kaiju since the 14th century at least. And their really advanced tech is made from kaiju bits another neat design. just a big fat lizard from the sea. Nice coloring and girth

yeah def cleaning up the dead giant monsters would certainly be an important industry we're just like a min in but I can see why folks would be interested in a series that's just about post-kaiju battle cleanup. like that's very interesting

Mc to injured coworker: Don't forget to file a claim for worker's comp

also Kafka is 32 yrs old i'm with Kafka how the fuck does management expect that to get cleaned up by the end of the week? that is a dead animal the size of a city block with its guts splattered across another city block, that shit should take no less than a month to clean

clean yer fucking room

you could have who knows what growing in those beer cans

listen i dont have a foot to stand on about dishes but like, dont put trash in the sink damnit

local 32 year old doesnt like his job and feels like he failed to achieve his dreams

edgy teenager that just joined the clean-up crew and assigned to Kafka to teach him the ropes damn near calls Kafka a loser for giving up on making it into the kaiju fighting forces like damn kid i feel like, as someone who basically shovels shit for a living you get used to gross work. Like, I don't enjoy scraping up bloody dog diarrhea and it smells god awful but I'm not about to be gagging or not able to eat my lunch cause of it. And i've only been shoveling shit for 3 yrs. Man been in monster clean up for how long and still gagging after chainsawing giant intestines really? yeah actually the monster clean-up stuff is neat. I could see a slice-of-life story of a monster cleanup crew just as a whole series

local teen a bit more grateful after making it through a whole day of cleaning shit. Is a lot nicer still calls his ass a quitter damn mfers just having a conversation at the end of the day at their workplace and a kaiju shows up to try and eat a bitch out of nowhere

people with anxiety must have shit bad in this world local 32 yr old impresses teen by saving his fucking life

and being level headed in situation and distracting the monster while telling the kid to get to safety and call the fucking authorities imagine living in a world where natural disasters have teeth and the ability to chase you with intent to devour man oh hey jumping through a glass window causes injuries local teenager comes back to help and does save the mc from getting ate but like, child, uh, you are both bite sized to that spider thing

sir you have broken bones and lacerations and very much bleeding. Pls stay down.

I know the tiger thing is probably supposed to be cool but like… dont keep tigers as pets. or use them as attack animals at yer work place that could go south really fast pls there's bound to be injured civilians

local teenager trying to be nonchalant in saying thanks and that the old dude was kinda cool and made good calls just a bug here

staring at this man while he's having a moment with his new friend the bug (psychically to Kafka): Found You

does that… get elaborated on? I feel like that's something that should get elaborated on

also here's a theory: bug's been searching for Kafka, I have to assume he's not been as injured and bleeding everywhere to the extent that he did today and it followed the scent of his blood to him. Like I have to assume it was looking for him for a reason and that he's compatible with being turned into a kaiju and keeping his original mind and personality intact for a reason as well it forced itself down his throat

that's a thing

and now everyone is freaking out

fucking buff Donnie Darko is still a letdown compared to the literal dragonfly ok that was funny. but uh forced to deepthroat a bug kaiju at least the size of a macaw and length of a small python

outside of the thrashing and gagging as it whent down and he transformed, dude took it rather well. Didnt even throw up this lady really just owns a tiger that lives in her apartment outside of fighting monsters for work. That is not good tiger keeping

just cause yer a bad ass monster slayer doesnt mean you should have a pet tiger who lives in yer appartment when yer off work that you just let walk around unrestrained. That's bad for the tiger, its bad for you, and its bad for bystanders

[kjdara]

Seeing this masterpiece finally make it to my main blog is surreal. I followed this story from the start and I knew that one day this was going to tear me to pieces. Boy, was I right.

This entire story feels like a fever dream. My heart cannot take the heartbreak and betrayal of Ari's actions, let alone the ones of the reader. This fic is so layered, complex, and frankly just fucking jaw-dropping. It gets you hooked, it makes you cry, scream, rip your hairs out. It makes you want to relive the type of love Ari gives you with his whole soul. We see a a different sort of confliction within the story that leaves you wondering if we make the right choices and trust the right people. It's pretty much the type of read that forces you to reevaluate your life values. What is important to you from the start changes throughout the story and makes you a whole new person at the end.

I could not go to bed without theorizing about the next chapter or looking for clues within the paragraphs. The characters we grow to love in this story are not ours to keep, rather they are pawns in a long game that we were meant to meet. They hold so much power over our actions and what we choose to do in the face of adversity, so we can't help but love them and the town we find ourselves in. I knew from the beginning that as she was trapped in Ari's little game, so were we. There was not an ounce of changing his mind or the people around him. The anguish and frustration I felt while reading this story was real. My blood boiled time and time again, trying to see the end of the tunnel for her. An escape, except we were just meant to observe and let the ending run its course. The love that we see in this story really puts life into perspective. We see what good love is, we see what bad love is from all characters. We may not love the same way or achieve love in the same way, but accepting the love we deserve is truly the escape that is desperately needed.

What I also love about how you wrote this was your take on Ari's dark character. We usually see dark characters having ulterior motives that are clearly bad and filled with ill intent, but YOUR version of dark Ari? Fucking hit the nail on how dark characters actually move in charming, manipulative ways. He was smart, he was alluring, and he was loved by literally the whole town. His ulterior motive was love, and he really made an effort to keep that love while fooling a whole town. Hell, Jess named a fucking baby after him. He is seen as his saviour while reader sees a whole other side to him, making him the most dangerous type of dark character. It was chilling to the bone. I have only felt manipulated and betrayed in one other fic, but this one? Took it to a new level I was not aware of. I felt sideblinded by the betrayal of Bucky even though we knew damn well how much that girl meant to him.

But wow, I feel like the amount of praise I can give is endless but I dont know how to properly say it all. This story has exceeded my expectation in many ways. I wish more people stumble upon this fic and see how beautifully written everything is. I hope to see the success of your future writings flourish as well because you are talented beyond words, beyond praise, beyond what you think your capability is. The skill to pull off an intricately complicated love story is not easy, but you have impacted a whole heap of people.

The last chapter shot me in the heart. The reality we see crashing down on Ari is what gets me personally. He got what he wanted through many many faiked attempts prior, but having him finally see the bad side of love? Priceless. The way reader shuts down and fails to give him what he thought he wanted is the cherry on top, because shes hidden that part of her that loves him for who he is. He became the monster in his own fantasy and he only sees her light when it's not directed at him. What a fucking steal, I love this. He had to let her go for real to finally heal himself and receive the love in its natural state. He is good, and she is good. Them getting a chance at real love proved that the shit they went through was for something genuine, not arranged.

Sad to see this end, truly. I was getting attached to these two and prayed for her to figure out how to win. In the end, they both did. I could not be happier for these foolish lovebirds. I can rest assured knowing that this story has some sort of justice served. I need to stop crying, but thank you for sharing this with us and sticking with it til the very end. You are an angel sent from heaven itself.

This love is good, this love is bad

This love is good: Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, end

This love is bad: Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, end

Crazy Love

Anyone who knew me then would say I loved you far too much. Like a wildfire or the sharp edge of a knife.

Anyone would have told you I stopped being the person I was the second you walked into my life.

They would have said love wasn’t supposed to drive you crazy, make you want to scratch at your skin.

And they were right.

Because there was love and then there was you.

- Lang Leav

[gen-is-gone]

Legit getting so *fucking* annoyed by this fic and its literally insulting level of mischaracterization of so fucking much bc the writer has time to write 150k+ words of fanfic in a month but apparently no time to so much as glance at a wiki for basic plot and character details, let alone read the damn comics, but now I'm 150k+ words committed and I am still genuinely interested to see how it ends but oh my fucking god would you just stick to hob gadling's jaunt thru the centuries and stop writing the Endless if you're gonna fuck up basic shit this badly and also mischaracterize actually important characters so badly that it is, again, literally fucking insulting to the original story??

[crazilust]

Astro notes (3)

Hello, I’m back with a third astro notes. Please disregard anything that doesn’t make you feel good, remember these are just personal observations <3

———————————

* Virgos really are a mess. They will do their best to keep the organized, put together persona, but the mess they’re going through behind closed doors is actually so intense. Whenever I get close to a Virgo, I’m a little shook tbh.

* Kinda unrelated to my normal content, but I really wonder how Dream (the youtuber) is handling the constant attacks to his physical appearance being a Leo and such. He kinda seems unfazed and keeps posting pics of him and videos, but idk. I’m curious how he’s handling it privately.

* I really do love me a fire x earth sign combo. Wether it’s friendship or relationship, I find them so energetic and chaotic lmao. Now, I’m gonna be honest I do think as a friendship, it works better. I also think each person has to have a varied chart in order to work. Someone with too much earth won’t really tolerate the intensity of the fire sign, and vice versa.

* Aries are not only trend setters, most of the time they are the ones to break generational traumas, mindset or traditions. They really, truly, do not give a fuck about what’s been done in the past or “what’s the right way to do this”. Lady Gaga, I believe, is the personification of that. On a personal level, it can definitely get annoying to deal with an Aries, but once you understand that they act that way because they’re trying to better themselves and by extension the world around them, it gets easier.

* Capricorns really fascinate me. I know the stereotypes around Caps is that they’re hardworking, focused on money, overly serious etc. I think part of it is true, but I think it depends on when you do meet them. If it’s before their Saturn return, you might actually meet a version of them that is actually struggling, quite immature, bad with money and overall disorganized. Remember, Saturn is severe and harsh. He doesn’t make it easy for its natives and I think it kind of explains why in the beginning of their lives, Caps are so all over the place. They get it together at one point though, and some become the stereotypical Capricorn.

* Also, on Capricorn, I’ve noticed they don’t really like when people mention their past selves. I mean, no one does, but with Caps it seems even more severe. It’s like they’re trying their hardest to dissociate from that past self that didn’t meet their ideals. I know a lot of Capricorn that even go by different names than their younger self. Crazy.

* Each element has their strength. Fire signs, it’s their will. Air signs, their intellect. Water signs, their emotions. Earth signs, their consistency. In the same vein, that same strength can quickly turn into their worst flaw. Fire signs can get really egotistical when trying to reach their goals. Air signs have a tendency to be condescending and mock others for their emotional reactions. Water signs can use emotional manipulation tactics to get what they want. Earth signs can get often stuck in their ways, no matter how toxic or unhealthy it may be.

* Cancer in 12th makes you despise your emotions, even when you rationally know that “it’s okay to feel that way”. Most often than not, they project that hatred/disdain towards other people and can’t tolerate really emotional people.

* We have to stop thinking that only earth signs and the sign of Leo is an indicator of fame. Sure, they can be indicator, but I do believe that we disregard the many types and layers of fame. Also, the way celebrities will interact with their fanbase and how they’re remembered is important. I truly believe every sign can be famous, but it won’t manifest the same. Is it easier for some signs? Sure. But every sign, using their strength could achieve it.

* Talking about fame. If you really want to achieve it, I think it’d be interesting to use your MC, North node, Mercury, Venus and Rising sign to achieve it. By checking in with your Moon sign needs, you could then regulate the right path for you. Some people truly don’t mind using drama to create traction even if it means hate, while some people could not tolerate it. Anyways, I’ll do a whole other post about it.

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So yea! That’s my comeback y’all. Lmao I’m sorry, life’s been rough. That last retrograde tried to take me outtttt, I swear.

Dolly.

[dayxero]

Alright, since Madam Mel has goated me into revealing my extremely amateurish thoughts, here goes.

I've had my suspicions on how Narinder was able to get a hold of the Last Lamb, and how he was even able to bring it back to life in the first place. It comes with too many plotholes that, thankfully the game leaves open to interpretation so here are my theories and One I think Mrs @melled42 is gunning for.

The first Theory being that Shamura sent the last Lamb to Narinder either intentionally as a show to break Narinder's dream of returning and to accept his fate as being bound to Hell's limbo, or unintentionally as a last way to give Narinder a chance to free himself and repent for his actions of slaughtering unwillingly innocents and to punish himself for the actions he committed against his most favorite sibling. There are words Shamura uses that alludes to the idea that he may have purposely given Narinder the Lamb, the same way he gave Narinder Aym and Ba'al, probably due to how damaged his mind was and how he drifts in and out because of his brain damage. I can go more into this theory because its a personal one of mine and part of my headcanon

However, I believe Melled42 is going for my second theory and one I hope isn't the case (Game-Canonwise) but..... Narinder may have killed the Lamb himself, directly in order to get direct control of the creature's life, to will it for his own purpose. I came to this conclusion because Narinder's ultimate goal was to control Life AND Death, and he never fully achieved the goal, because his siblings stopped him before he could break such a fundamental law of nature. Death is only supposed to go 1 way, so for Narinder to even have the power to perverse such a Primordial Law means he had to have had a direct connection and influence over Lamb (in this case Ewen's) death, to control their aspect of Life and thus, create a creature not bound by the Laws and Limitations Narinder actively sought to break.

All this is to say, the theory is that Narinder intentionally killed Ewen himself to give him life that bounds Ewen to Narinder through the power of the Red Crown. This would explain why Lamb can detach its head and still remain alive and aware, retain all their powers and abilities without aging physically, while also exhibiting God-Like effects such as the black blood or ichor if you will, that leaks from a God's wounds. Lamb wasn't killed by the Headsmen, he was killed somehow stealthily through an act by Narinder himself.

Its extremely twisted, yet right up Narinder's alley. I'm against it personally but fuck it would fit if this is what Melled42 is going for. That the twisted mentality the two of them tend to feed into one another, the act that started all of this, was Narinder killing Lamb to claim their life and soul for himself, before his siblings could get the job done and ruin his plans. I like this, and HATE it because it creates a full circle moment that only adds to the selfish depravity of their natures as a whole, that due to the solitary existence both were forced to endure, the empty, meaningless deaths they were both part of and directly influenced with their actions, connects them both on an extremely primal level where only they and they alone, can understand stand each other completely.

I wanted to keep this grenade tucked away but Madam Mel asked so.... here it is. If I'm wrong, I fully accept it because even I see the cracks in my theory but damnit..... brain is going wild with ideas.

An explanation for the wound on Ewen's, my lamb's neck. I've had this headcannon since first seeing the bishops but it kind of took a life of its own

When you're a power hungry controlling monster but they're way too into it, even for you

patreons got this early

[12pt-times-new-roman]

anyway EXU: Calamity is everything I hoped it would be and I absolutely love it. some initial observations:

More solstices! Woo! So every 100-120 years, a celestial solstice aligns with some other celestial bodies and is therefore strong enough to change the layout of magical leylines. A device can measure the strength of a solstice, and if that measurement is more than 0.025, it could potentially be a apogee solstice; the celestial solstice right before the Calamity measured a 0.5.

Ghor Dranas lore! In the Schism, when the Betrayers split away from the Prime Deities, there was a threat made during one of the battles by the Betrayer Gods, attributed mostly to the Lord of the Hells (Asmodeus). The name is a very specific wording that Asmodeus said, "put me where you will. In darkness, I will gather my shadows to me." Ghor Dranas literally translates to "a gathering of shadows," giving the name very dark connotations. Asmodeus is the most likely contender for the Betrayer God that Zerxus saw in his dream, given the god's appearance as a red-skinned, horned being.

Zerxus has some really good items. In order to get a strength score of 29, he must have a belt of storm giant strength, and to get an AC of 25 his armor or shield must have a combined bonus of +4 (assuming that he's wearing plate armor and took the defense fighting style at level 2).

Also, Zerxus saying that he doesn't care much for gods as a paladin? Plus the fact that Luis' name was underneath the symbol of the Luxon during the intro? and that a searing light greater than that of the Dawnfather himself emitted from Zerxus' hand when he saved Asmodeus in his dream? and that Zerxus saw a starscape inside the well? and the talk about people deciding their own fate rather than having a destiny determined by the gods? my bet is on this guy being a paladin of the Luxon.

Brennan calling people from Cath Moira "terrestrials," marisha calling the broken bow an "extraterrestrial artifact," and all the other references to imply that people from the flying cities called people on the ground "terrestrials" and that people on the ground called them "extraterrestrials" — none of that feels like a coincidence.

"Zerxus" is very possibly related to King Xerxes. "Loquacious" literally means "talkative" and "Seelie" is one of the courts of the Feywild. "Nydas" is also very likely related to King Midas, a figure in Greek myth who could turn anything he touched to gold.

Loquacious' appearance is so incredibly gender. I love them so much.

Ooooh, Cerrit is an Inquisitive Rogue. I've never seen this archetype played before because its niches are so, so specific and very much not combat-oriented like most rogue archetypes, and it's great to see Travis finally play a character with incredibly high intelligence.

Very interesting that Vespin Chloras wasn't attempting to ascend to the place of a Prime Deity, but to the place of a Betrayer God. That leaves me with a couple questions, and gives some answers. That means that the previous god of death, who was usurped by the Raven Queen, was in fact a Prime Deity. It also implies either that the only way one can ascend is by replacing an existing god, or that the Raven Queen's rites were developed specifically to do that — meaning she would've had to have had some reason to want to usurp the previous god of death rather than just ascending and becoming an entirely new god.

Honestly, this setup makes so much sense and I love it. I can't wait to see where this goes. My guess is that what Chloras actually did was to achieve some kind of state between mortality and divinity, hence why he's infecting dreams and mirrors, and now he's going to go to the Betrayer Gods for help to finish the ritual in exchange for freeing them.

But what the fuck is Laerryn going to do with the bow fragment? She seemed to want to use it as a tuning fork for a Plane Shift spell, but if that bow belonged to a Solar, then the spell would likely take them to Elysium or Mount Celestia. Going to the engine that drives the entire city with it makes me think that she wants to bamf the entire city somewhere else, but why doesn't make sense, because she doesn't currently know that there is or believe that there could be a threat of war.

Anyway, very much looking forward to where this is going to go and I'm so glad that my term is over in time for me to actually pay attention to this <3