#its a hard color scheme why did i do this to myself.

[chatonyant]

Action

[louloulover]

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ℌ𝔬𝔤𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔱𝔰 𝔇ℜ★

I have changed some things for my own enjoyment, the history is made up. I haven't changed the original story of harry potter. I simply added my own things. ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

｡･:*:･ﾟ★〘ℌ𝔦𝔰𝔱𝔬𝔯𝔶 𝔬𝔣 𝔰𝔢𝔩𝔣〙

☘Family Magic - Rune's father has been on the earth for more than a thousand years, back in history Vikings were users of a ancient magic. The real magic of the world, They danced, sang and used magic one with themselves. The magic could only be passed on through blood. But as the Vikings fought and the people slowly decreased in the world. So did their true blood. Leaving Rune's father to be the last true blood user. The magic can be passed on, but memories will be passed on. Memories come from ancestors. The magic used in todays world isn't the same, nothing as powerful.

☘Parents - His father was one of the Heads of the people, he went into hiding once they were all gone. Rune's mother is a Russian hairdresser. They were brought back to Scandinavia so Rune could be with his people and learn magic from his father. But once his father gave Rune all of his power he was gone. Rune and his mother moved back to Russia. His mother is knowing for being the best hairdresser for muggles and wizards. His mother possesses regular magic.

☘Runes magic - Although Rune isn't full blood his father transferred all his magic and being. So Rune is the strongest being, who can shape nature and anything he chooses. He doesn't use a wand, he can but he doesn't have to. He uses his body.

»»───※ ·ℜ𝔲𝔫𝔢·ℌ𝔢/ℌ𝔦𝔪· ※───►

Rune has knowledge of all his ancestors, the magical runes that cover his every inch of his body shows how powerful he is. ₊˚⊹☾

★Important - He can take away his tattoos simply, but the rune his father put on his back stays. It shows the magic has been passed down.

★Features - Rune possess dark black hair, green like the earth eyes. Eyebrows like his father, big bushy and angled down. When he smiles it is a smirk, sharp canines show from his mouth. A piercing on his left ear, a hoop stays there.

★Body - 6'2''. He is fit, and very tall. Not as tall as the twins. He gives off confidence and pride. (Harry Potter Tyler Durden lmaoo)

★Animal - Rune owns a Crow, connected with his ancestors it is his messenger 'owl'. He also owns a dog at school, (my dog from here) instead of other pets.

★Outfits - He wears colors, often crazy color schemes but somehow works? he walks in a robe or just underwear in his shared room. You will never catch him only wearing black.

its hard to find images of crazy guy outfits, so imagine them with weird color combos ⋆⭒˚｡⋆

➶ ｡˚ °》𝑾𝒉𝒚 𝒂𝒎 𝑰 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆? 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒂𝒎 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈?《✧ ˚ 　· 　　

＞Honestly, i just want to have fun. That's why I gave myself such power. I don't want to deal with classes or sticking to a schedule. I want to go here for fun with friends, flying and of course the creatures. I want to see them all, fly with them, feel them.

✦ » 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝑹𝒖𝒏𝒆? « ✦

＞He was asked by Dumbledore (6th movie) to come protect his school, he knew something was going to come up this year. He has been trying to find Rune but it toke him years, and having to talk to the Merlin to even get to me.

(yes Merlin's going to be the Merlin from the show Merlin.)⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

＞He agreed if he has freedom to do what he pleases, so really he is just to hang around the school. Allowed to enter wherever and whenever. You may see him on top of the highest part of Hogwarts watching the stars, napping on furniture in the halls, playing with his dog in the fields, and throwing items at quidditch players while they practice. || He is still keeping the school protected as he does so ||

Oh and of course hanging out with his brother Casimir..

˚୨୧⋆｡This post toke so long omg, I would love to hear of other people's dr's or even link your scripts in the comments if you want! C:

I'm going to make a post of the other characters in Hogwarts, as I've added some characters. The link will be posted below this once its made!

[mauesartetc]

Faux-compositing Hazbin Hotel for more visual clarity

A while back I recolored a screenshot from the Hazbin Hotel pilot to make the overall palette look more cohesive. Here’s the original:

And here’s the result.

And I figure, hey, that was fun, and folks (myself included) seemed to learn from it. Why not make some more? If you subscribe to the “every frame a painting” philosophy, this is the post for you.

I’ve always had two criticisms regarding Hazbin’s colors:

1. There’s entirely too much red in the environment. I know it’s Hell, but this is really overbearing. There are ways to make the setting feel oppressive other than bombarding viewers’ eyes, y’know?

2. The background characters have so many disparate palettes that they don’t feel like they belong in the setting. This could’ve been avoided by giving the fans who designed the characters a master palette to use as a guideline. Here’s the one I used for my hellhound designs:

It contains colors derived from canon Helluva Boss characters, which makes the new ones feel like they fit in the same world rather than hailing from completely different shows. For the faux-composite above, I sampled colors from Charlie and the background, and used them to rework the surrounding characters. For other shots, though, I may use the hellhound palette as needed since Helluva Boss is set in the same universe.

Let’s get to it!

To start with, there’s a lot going on in this scene. We have a detailed foreground character, a detailed background, and a middle ground character caught between them. In the left side of the frame, it’s hard to read the wolfman’s silhouette against the background elements since their values are so similar. Meanwhile, the cowboy stands out fine for the most part, though his hat brim gets a bit lost in the trim of the building behind him. So basically I needed a way to make all three layers look distinct from one another.

I settled on cloaking most of the background in shadow and doing the same for the cowboy, except for rim lighting and a glow from his cigarette to highlight his face. The wolfman and cart full of bodies have minimal shading; enough to give them some dimension but not so much that they blend in with everything behind them.

We then have more background characters to deal with at the news station:

In these cases, I simply painted over the crowd with purple on a couple Multiply layers (same as my initial recolor of these folks), erasing bits here and there to suggest rim lighting and glowing eyes. Charlie’s silhouette stands out much more clearly now that the heightened value contrast has cemented her as the focus.

I tried a similar approach with the demons outside the TV store:

While there was never any doubt that Alastor was the focal point here, I felt the ancillary characters’ color schemes could be more unified, and that their shading could reflect the light sources surrounding them (mainly the TVs in front of them, and the fire surrounding the horned skull demon). I also felt the wall on the right was blending in too much with the background, so I threw on some shading to make it pop.

Now we get to Charlie’s phone call:

I found it odd that the stained glass in the doors was illuminated from the inside when the previous scenes showed us that the hotel was dark. We did see a check-in desk with functional lights, but it was located waaaay down the hall from these doors. Thus, the glass is now in shadow, with some added texture on the edges to suggest its thickness.

Charlie is now also covered in shadow to fit the gloomy mood of the scene, though the rim lighting and her unshaded eyes keep her separate from the background.

Finally, the skyscraper windows in the second screenshot were way too bright, which gave them a contrast that drew attention away from Charlie. It’s never a good sign when animation backgrounds upstage the characters. So I slapped some color on them and shaded that front row of buildings to boost the overall gloom factor.

Then, Alastor arrives:

Given the darkness of the previous scene in the same location, I figured it’d make sense to kill the lights in the awning for this one. And now that most of the hotel is in shadow, Charlie and Alastor stand out a lot more (especially Alastor’s hand, which was practically invisible against the red wall). It really helps that the saturated yellow of the awning is toned down so it won’t be such an eye trap any longer.

Alastor makes himself at home:

...And the hyper-detailed background threatens to swallow him up.

Look, guys- I get that you’re proud of your rendering skills and all, and it’s admirable that you put so much love and care into these layouts. But, y’know, we don’t have to see the whole thing, especially not at the cost of the final frame. The portraits and wallpaper are especially distracting, battling Alastor for visual dominance. A little shading ensures Alastor is the focus without obscuring the portraits completely. Let ‘em be fun Easter eggs fans can study when they pause the video, not the stars of the show.

Alastor then regards the two grumps on the couch:

There was a noticeable lack of shading in this scene (except the default shadows on what I’m guessing were 3D models), making everything look flat. With the help of my good friend the Multiply layer, I gave the background some dimension and brought the characters forward.

Vaggie warns Charlie that Alastor is bad news, and Charlie takes it into consideration:

Again, we have the issue of background portraits attempting to steal the characters’ thunder. In the second screenshot, look at how much those bright greens and cyans stick out like a sore thumb against the dusky pink of everything else. Was it really necessary to keep all the colors of that illustration exactly how they were for the final product?

To remedy this, I desaturated the portrait’s colors and skewed them towards red so the image would better fit the context of the scene. And parts of the picture frame next to it were blending into the wall, so I added some shading there to make it stand out more.

Sometimes, changes made to a confined area can make a world of difference:

I muted the bright greens of the balloon and the flag so their saturation wouldn’t dominate everything else in the scene (again, eye traps), and shaded the stuff behind Alastor so his side of the frame wouldn’t look so busy.

I used similar tactics for when Niffty enters the picture:

For the first screenshot, I plunged the left side of the background into darkness, shaded the center with mainly lighter colors, and left the right side alone since that’s where the light emanated from. This resulted in a sort of gradient effect in the shading, which let Alastor and Niffty pop out a lot more.

In the second screenshot, the vase on the right was a bit distracting in how detailed it was compared to its surroundings, and it was the only pink thing in the frame besides Niffty. I shaded it so it wouldn’t steal the spotlight without disappearing completely. There was also the matter of adding shadows to the rest of the environment, particularly the stretch of hearth the firelight doesn’t touch, and the skeletons on either side of the furnace’s opening. Just some little touches to help the world feel more solid.

Then we meet Husk, and things get tricky.

Husk’s bar was a challenge due to its plethora of light sources. The green rim lights on Husk and Alastor suggest the light’s coming from the green blackjack table, but then we also have light coming through the window, lights in the sockets of the skulls above the bar, a yellow glow from the top of the bar itself, and a faint green glow from the top edges of the wooden wall. And in the third screenshot, the window grabs a lot of attention since it’s almost smack in the center of the frame and it sports some pretty saturated colors.

I did my best to shade things in a believable manner without using too much of a single color. I’m happy with how the purple worked to tone down the window, though I might change the brightness of the blackjack table. It’s still pretty saturated and a bit distracting from Husk and Alastor, though at least they stand out from the wall a bit better.

Now for the part where things get PINK:

Like wow, SO much pink. Holy hell.

I layered some yellow over Charlie and Alastor’s faces, bodies, and limbs so they’d be more discernible from the background, with extra emphasis on their faces to show just how enraptured they are during this musical number. I even left some glow in the negative space between them, representing how connected they are in this moment. Two auras become one. Or something. (Look, I am by NO means a Charlastor shipper; I just think a little more creativity in the visuals of a dance scene could convey more energy and chemistry between the partners. Especially when everything on screen is this monochromatic, like damn.)

Anyway, Sir Pent is here.

That blue in the tunnel of his airship was WAY saturated, and while the reds and yellows barely managed to pop out against it, I thought I’d give them more of a fighting chance. The body of the ship is also more consistently shaded to make it feel 3D, and I added some rim lights to the tips of Pent’s hood so they’d stand out against the dark tunnel.

But Alastor’s eldritch horrors dispose of Pent in pretty short order:

The extremely light glow on the left side of this screenshot caused the hotel to compete with the tentacles for dominance. And once again, there was the matter of the skyscraper windows being so bright they drew too much attention to themselves. I colored these windows with the same orange as the sky behind them, cloaked the hotel in shadow, kept a yellowish glow around the characters, and darkened the evil spirits to make them pop out.

Finally, we get the characters’ reactions to what just occurred:

Figured I’d handle both the normal lighting and the “horror” lighting for this scene. The normal version’s pretty simple: Color in more skyscraper windows, eliminate that weird ray of light that seems to come from nowhere, darken the top of the sky for more contrast with the characters, add some rim lights to Alastor to make his form more clearly defined, and remove the pentagram planet-thingy that looked like it was awkwardly resting on Husk’s hat.

The horror lighting involved some of the same steps, but with more addition than subtraction. The glow from the tentacle demons now hits our characters, lending them a greater sense of volume. Light purple shadows on the gang in the back offset the yellow glow, and Alastor now sports reflections in his shaded areas. There’s no character animation in the transition between the terror and the levity, so if a person wanted to paint this stuff in After Effects, then fade out its opacity to reach the regular lighting, they easily could. Hell, you know what?

Do with this information what you will.

So what’s the takeaway here? I guess, in a nutshell: Don’t let your animation backgrounds upstage the characters. Don’t make them so intricate or busy or saturated that they hog the spotlight. They don’t need to wow the audience with how impressive they are; they just need to serve the story.

Will the Hazbin series learn from past mistakes (including those made in Helluva Boss)? Fingers crossed. As always, I hope y’all found this post insightful or enlightening in some way. See you in the next one!

[untoldsoup]

Just wanted to say that I love your Human Bowser comic! I specifically loved the colors chosen for pages 42-47! They’re so nice and satisfying it’s kinda hard to describe! What’s your thought process when choosing the colors for a particular scene if you don’t mind me asking?

I'm not sure if you want the emotional answer or technical so I'll just go with how I know how to answer art questions:

First I have a set color scheme for the flat colors. This doesn't change, but the coloring i do on top of that does. For example: human Bowser has set flat colors that have not changed since page one. But as I learned new techniques I changed the effects/mapping i add on top of it.

I learned a lot of different coloring techniques between pages one and the current pages. At first i was nervous to change how I colored the comic and I had a LOT of new things I wanted to try and was worried people would be upset at the drastic coloring change. But thankfully all the feedback has been positive.

After I do flat colors I then will choose various color gradient overlays that I feel suit the mood of the page/panel. I like to use a lot of dark-to-soft-light overlays to add depth to the base colors. I also sometimes add gradient mapping, which is a art technique where a set gradient is added on top that drastically changes the tones. I usually put this layer at a super low opacity so its just a hint of change.

For lighting I currently love added bursts of light where i can, and then softening the colors of the line layer to make it look like the light bleeds over. Some softer glowing effects also help with this.

A big change i also did since the beginning of the comic is I now soften the line layer and color layers to give it that 'dreamy' look.

For the emotional side of things, when I pick colors my attempt is to think of what color pallet fits the mood/environment. I'm still learning when it comes to coloring (it's a weak point of mine for sure) but everytime i think i learn something new that will help with a scene I'm doing I try it out now.

One of the biggest things I'm doing right now is watching a lot of youtube videos on comic storytelling/layout/coloring to really try my best to get better.

I have a obsessive disorder/condition so I often need to be doing something with my hands. Either gaming, cleaning, or drawing. So I currently draw 3-4 hours a day after work (while listening to music or youtube) to keep myself occupied or I get antsy. It's why I tend to look like i work 'fast'. I'm not really fast at drawing, but I draw every day, and certain scenes/characters are second nature now when drawing.

I still make a lot of mistakes and have a ton of weaknesses but I'm loving drawing this comic a lot so I'm doing my best to fill in my knowledge gaps as I go. Clip Studio also has a ton of amazing assets/tutorials that really help and I highly recommend the program, especially if you struggle with perspective.

I hope this answers your question and wasn't too long winded 😭

[chernobog13]

I watched the first episode of Ultraman Blazar last night.

It was an unusual first episode for an Ultra series, but overall I liked it. Very happy that it is not another "New Generation" series, especially since the last two were re-treads of Tiga and Dyna.

Very much got a Nexus vibe off this episode, but not as dark and gritty as that series. Part of that might be Blazar's mostly grey and silver color scheme, which is evocative of Nexus, who also had red and blue costumes.

You can tell that the production team was also trying to emulate the style of Shin Ultraman (2022) and Shin Kamen Rider (2023), albeit on a much smaller scale.

I like the fact that Blazar's human counterpart, Captain Hiruma Gento, is actually in charge of the kaiju attack squad. That changes things up a bit, as he will have to work extra hard to mask his absences when joining with Blazar from the rest of his crew.

Gento is also an older, more mature protagonist than is usual for an Ultra series, which is a nice call back to the original Showa series. I know this a franchise aimed at kids, but I am sooooooooooo tired of the whiney kids with no idea about personal grooming that we've had a near-steady parade of as stars of the shows.

As for Blazar himself, he's a bit...different than previous Ultras.

For one thing, he WILL. NOT. STOP. GRUNTING! It is non-freakin'-stop. And it's not regular grunting that you hear from other Ultras as they fight kaiju; it's as if the actor is speaking some crazy, made-up language.

This was seriously distracting during the fight with Bazanga, the space kaiju du jour. I certainly hope that it doesn't continue for the rest of the season.

Something even more disconcerting were Blazar's antics during the battle. At one point he was doing rapid high-knee jumps like he was a little kid having a tantrum. That was disconcerting, to say the least.

I do like Blazar's main attack weapon, which is a spear made of energy that he summons. It was a little silly that he tossed it a Bazanga (I have to stop myself from typing Ba-Zinga), but it worked so I guess that's all that matters.

I tried to stay away from most promotional material before watching the episode, as I don't want to know everything about the characters and premise before hand. If the show does its job properly, that information will be conveyed through the story. A show/film shouldn't rely on supplemental material in other media for the audience to understand what's going on.

That said, I did read some articles and posts today that gave me some supplemental info.

On this Earth, humanity has been battling kaiju since 1966, which I think is a nice touch. Apparently, they've succeeded at doing so without the assistance of an Ultraman; at least until now.

Ultraman Blazar is not from M78. He is, instead, from M421, a blazar (Wikipedia: "an active galactic nucleus (AGN) with a relativistic jet (a jet composed of ionized matter traveling at nearly the speed of light) directed very nearly towards an observer. ") far, far away.

And, Blazar is reportedly a "more primitive" type of Ultraman, whatever that means. It might serve to explain his wild antics and why he was grunting/babbling the whole time. I haven't investigated this further because I want to see how this is explained in the show.

So now I guess I'll just wait until next Friday night to see how things progress.

[raw-law]

In response to the other anon asking if you guys look for our identities, frankly i couldnt care less if you know who i am, its fairly easy to figure out. i just like reasons to relate myself to Deer. I did a self portrait once as a deer mount pouring blood. it was quite...something. definitely got a lot of responses to that one.

as for art being subjective vs objective:

i can see where each of you in coming from in that sense. some things ARE blatantly what they are and it would be kind of wild to say otherwise. like who am i to tell Da Vinci that the Mona Lisa is actually an space cat alien, not a woman. but i do still think its possible to get multiple interpretations out of her.

i will also be the first to say im not a fan of the genre of what is technically in the art world called a "ready-made". basically like what you said, taking an object that already exists, fastening it to something, setting up lighting for it, etc. ya know, MINOR changes and calling it art. im not a big fan. its lazy and unoriginal in my blunt opinion. it doesnt create new ideas and thoughts in my brain unless i BS them. like if i see an apple on a pedestal, im taking it at face value, because its simply an apple on a pedestal. it being placed on something doesnt make it any less or more to me. its just an apple. and according to your definition, it would not be art since it does not cause or create new ideas or conversation to flow. it furthers nothing.

unfortunately, in the art community, its hard to have this debate because the widely used definition is the "everything is art" one and some people cannot take criticism to save their life. if you tell suzy sue that her michael jackson x barack obama fanart is not visually compelling and offer her advice, she might cancel you on twitter. we all need to stop being wusses and also stop being rude in the art world. its important to give your fellow artists helpful and meaningful critique and feedback without being harsh or condescending. and it is of equal importance to learn to accept that feedback and use it to better yourself as an artist.

i think another big thing for me and whether something is actually art is the design itself. does it have an interesting composition? does it use an impactful color scheme? does it have a focal point? etc, etc. if these points can be argued for a piece, im more willing to call it art.

realism is also a point of contention because some will ask "whats the point if it just looks like a photo?" the skill, the effort, the time. the unique touch of human hands that gives it a slight charm even in the most hyper realistic pieces. that is the point.

have another piece as a treat. a drawing i did from life for class last semester, its a plant. about as opposite as you can get from the other piece i shared:

https://imgur.com/a/hkcqYKK

-🦌

Light:

Ooh, that's interesting. Why the choice of deer, though, so specifically? Is it for some reason, or just an instinctive decision?

And I agree with your point on what you've referred to as "ready-made". I guess, for art to be meaningful, it has to mean something in the first place, and an apple sure as hell doesn't mean anything to people. Honestly, it seems like lazy artwork to me, even though I'm not an artist. But I'd like to ask you: what exactly would you define as 'ready-made'? Would that mean, then, that photographers' work are technically also 'ready-made', as all they're doing is taking picture of something preexisting and hence not creating, in that sense? What's the boundaries between something that's art, and something that's 'ready-made'? Is it something that you can define at all?

There's this branch of art called 'Dadaism', and there are some works inside that may be considered 'ready-made' in a way. For example, Marcel Duchamp's Fountain and Bicycle Wheel are famous examples of that art movement. And Dadaism was actually made up of artists who wanted to use this nonsensical, crazy form of art to express horror and disgust of the bloodshed that occurred during World War 1. It was commonly known as the 'anti-art' movement, and its main purpose was to create art that would confuse, shock or even aggravate the public.

This ties in to what you'll see Ryuzaki discuss below. Perhaps the occurrences of this 'ready-made' art isn't really the art itself, but it's the thoughts and emotions the artist wanted to express when making the art. And, if this 'ready-made' art exists because of a true effect the artist intended to create on the general public, then it's arguable that it could be considered as art, because isn't art used to express your feelings in the first place? Even though I still don't really consider 'ready-made' pieces as art...it's still interesting food for thought.

And your piece is wonderfully drawn. I love how you rendered the leaves; it looks really beautiful. Kind of reminds me of Chinese bamboo paintings...I'd love to see more of your work, if you'd like to share!

Lastly, thanks for your ask. I love having these kinds of discussions, even though I unfortunately took a long time to get back to you..

L:

wow.. the plant piece is beautiful.. all of the strokes come out so nicely and eloquent. it really makes me want to see this deer self portrait now. that sounds even more intriguing. no pressure though, of course. i just think it's a really fascinating idea.

and as much as i despise "ready-made" pieces too, i honestly have a slight respect for them. i would still consider them art, because i do think it evokes a conversation, but specifically the kind of conversation that makes you question it's existence, if that makes sense.

for example, that duct-taped banana i mentioned in the last ask, that's actually what made me question the whole idea of art in the first place. if something so insignificant can be considered so valuable to people, then who am i to tell them that it's not really art? maybe it is. or maybe the questioning of what it is was the whole point. maybe, the conversation it was actually sparking was more-so like.. a rebellion. a taunt. almost as if it were saying: "you want art? i'll give you art. and you'll be forced to take it." if i remember correctly, there was actually another artist who did that exact thing. his name was richard mutt and he submitted a urinal with a signature of his name as an art piece. it was stupid, and absurd, and that was the point. he submitted it to prove that if he signed his name on it and paid the application fee, the group he submitted it to would've accepted it no matter how thoughtless. he made an art piece that was meant to depict what stupid art looks like, and it worked. so as much as i despise the pieces, i do still think they're art, at least to an extent.

it's things that are made with the intent of gaining either popularity, money, or whatever else there is that i don't consider art. i'd go into more detail about it, but there's already a video out there that depicts it really well, so i'll just link it here. it's by cj the x and he's known for being very chaotic, so it might be a difficult to listen to at first, but i personally really like it. their points always wrap together really nicely as the video continues and the humor is my style, so i swear it's worth a watch, hah.

anyways. i'll stop myself there so i don't annoy you too much, but i do also agree with your points on the design, process, and overall thought that gets put into art pieces. i really like this discussion overall, actually. i apologize if i sounded rude at all, i have no intention to. i enjoy being able to converse about these topics, haha. so thank you for letting me, truly.

[albatross-the-pen-chewer]

Tell us more about your weird dreams plz, they have good inspiration for writers....... like me

Also have a great day/bught/timezone

You are very cool 😎 👌

Well, since you asked 😎

I think one of my favorite weird dreams is probably one I had several years ago, where I was periodically flipping between two different realities with different color schemes.

The Blue reality was peaceful and mundane, while the Orange reality was hellish and torturous.

I remember starting the dream in the Orange, where I was at some form of compound in the desert with a large group of other people. I think I was a prisoner. At some point I try to make my escape with a small group of other people, but we're quickly discovered and shot at. I take a bullet to the leg, and fall into a small body of water.

I wake up in the Blue, rattled but unharmed. It's not unusual for me to have somewhat violent dreams, so I brush it off. I do tell my mom about it though, and my day proceeds as normal until--

I wake up in the Orange, having dragged myself out of the water. I don't see any people around, so I make a break for it. I don't have time to think about the Blue reality as I flee. Occasionally I'll see what appears to be my pursuers, but I keep going, somehow outrunning them. I--

I wake up in the Blue. Apparently I was zoning out. This is getting weird. I tell people, concerned, about what I just experienced, but they wave me off as just being tired. Did I get enough sleep last night? Maybe I need to lie down. I decide to--

I wake up in the Orange. I made it to a city, but something is wrong with me. Or, is it that something is right? My leg healed a while ago. I'm faster than I should be. I'm stronger than I should be. Almost seamlessly, I make my home in the city. It's easy to keep a job when you don't get tired. But, it doesn't seem like I'm the only anomaly here. What was--

I wake up in the Blue. When did I get to the park? I'm starting to freak out, now. Why do I keep losing time? Why do I keep bouncing? I struggle more and more to tell which world is the real one, and no one takes me seriously when I tell them about my dilemma. Of course, why would they? I'm finding it hard to keep--

I wake up in the Orange. There's some kind of monster running around, with five legs and a mouth that spans all the way around its body. It was invulnerable to most weapons, but it had to constantly eat, so the only way to kill it was to starve it. It took hours to seal its mouth shut.

The part I played in defeating the monster earned me a fair bit of reputation amidst the denizens of the city, and I find myself battling far more creatures as time passes. It seems as though years go by in fast forward, and I start to think that I've finally stopped bouncing between realities. For once, I'm comfortable.

I wake up in the Blue.

[fishy-lava]

Hello Loveliest Fishy!

You asked for more so here you go :)

🏆 a recent release you enjoyed 👨🏼‍🤝‍👨🏻favorite main couple 🌄 your favorite scene of any BL show

May your day be peaceful and your sleep restful.

Hello Ama! Thank you for indulging me in my desire for silly little questions lol <3

🏆 A Recent Release You Enjoyed

Definitely Perfect Propose! It was such a simple and mundane show but in the best way possible and i truly loved getting to watch Hiro and Kai open up and grow and heal together in a way that felt very natural and steady to me (and surprisingly didn't feel rushed despite how short the show was). I really appreciated the topics they touched on as well and the series will definitely be one very dear to me for a long time i think.

👨🏼‍🤝‍👨🏻 Favorite Main Couple

This is a tough one! Especially when there are so many couples i adore but i think for this I'm gonna go with Tang Yi/Shao Fei bc no matter how much I rewatch Trapped my love for them never dies. They can be so silly and ridiculous and soft and it's so much fun to watch them fight and work together and tease and take care of each other and truly fall for each other (and drive each other insane sometimes lol) in a way that feels so meaningful to me and then you add in the scenes like this

that just break me down into nothing but an emotional disaster no matter how many times i see them.

Everything about these two, from the hostility at the beginning to the ridiculous antics and the tender love and quiet gentle care and the raw heartbreaking emotion, was truly so incredible and these two have remained a favorite couple since the first watch and likely will continue to be for many years longer.

🌄 Your Favorite Scene Of Any BL Show

Wow!! World's Most Difficult Question For Me Specifically™ as someone who has watched over 40 different BLs as of now and is notoriously bad at picking favorites and sticking to them lol

To make this easier for myself I'm just gonna go with one of the first scenes that popped into my head and say the confession scene in UtsuKare at the end of season 1 in the classroom.

There is genuinely not a single thing i don't like about this scene. The emotions, the color scheme, the lighting, just everything. i do not know how to describe the way it makes me feel.

The distress in Kiyoi as this all becomes too much for him to handle anymore, the way his mask of nonchalance and apathy he hid behind for so many years to protect his heart is now nowhere to be found in the wake of everything finally boiling over, the way he shouts at Hira because its the only defense he has left, the way his voice breaks as he tries to speak and to make Hira understand, "I'm an ordinary guy. I want to be with the person i love. I want to touch him... I'm just an ordinary guy." Hira's shocked disbelief that Kiyoi could ever want him of all people, the emotion in Kiyoi's face and in his voice as he falls apart, "Why would you love someone like me?" "I wish I knew! I really don't know" the mesmerized look on Hira's face as he tries to reach out and touch Kiyoi only to have his hand slapped away because Kiyoi can't handle it if it doesn't change anything, the way Kiyoi is lashing out because he's still so afraid of how much this matters to him, "I love you so much, Kiyoi, that it drives me crazy! I think of you like a god. I never thought i could have you." " I'm not a god" Hira's nod as he tries so hard to understand "Can I touch you, Kiyoi?" "Not if it's the same way you did before" the way Hira looks at him as he tentatively places his hand on Kiyoi's cheek still unable to believe he really can do this, the way Hira looks him in the eyes as he tells him he loves him, THE HUG AND THE WAY HIRA BACKS KIYOI ONTO THE DESK AND THE LIGHTING AND THE MUSIC AND THE WAY HIRA IS FINALLY LETTING HIMSELF WANT AND TO ACT ON IT AND THE WAY KIYOI LETS HIM BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT HE HAS WANTED FOR SO LONG

I'm sorry i just have a million feelings about this scene and its impossible for me to convey them in a way that makes sense and isnt just screaming but holy fuck dude this scene was so incredible and the actors did an absolutely phenomenal job with it

Even though it's the end of the season it's also just the beginning of them learning and growing together. It's the beginning of Kiyoi learning to be vulnerable and express his feelings and ask for what he wants and of Hira learning to be Kiyoi's partner and equal instead of a devotee and servant like he always thought he was. It was an incredible end to the season and very important turning point for both of them as people and their relationship going forward and i am still so incredibly proud of the growth and progress they achieved through the rest of the series. It's both one of my favorite scenes and one of my favorite series and I'm not sure i will ever really recover from the things it made me feel.

Again, thanks for the ask and sorry about my probably incomprehensible ramblings lol, I hope you have a very lovely day<3

BL Ask Game

[megamindsecretlair]

heyy pretty gal 😩💞 been a min! can I plz have ur advice??

So i recently had sex for the first time. p.s. ate that shii DOWN 🏆👀 But it’s embarrassing cuz that mf got me sick .. Iykyk. 😐

I’m so heart broke ONLY cuz it felt so good & I’ve wanted that for so long.... Just for it to negatively affect me emotionally/physically. 💔 And intimacy is so addicting* (especially with childhood traumas.)

So it’s kinda like I played myself. Or did myself a disservice. By giving in, being intimate, & giving chances to someone who didnt deserve it. Damn i feel like a statistic.

But still, why are Black men so.. hurtful.. to Black women?? Should I have kept my promise & waited longer? How do you recoup after experiencing sex? especially after a person/situation like that.

I want to move on.. but idk when I’ll feel that closeness again. And as a Black woman? Im tired of using work/responsibilites as a “healthy” distraction. I just want an emotional break 💔 these niggas piss me off .

~ ik its a lot, but this a safe space right? <3

Hey girl. I am by no means a sex expert or mental health expert, take what resonates, leave what doesn't, but this is indeed a safe space and I'm absolutely honored you trusted me with this.

Having sex is a deeply personal decision, but you should never feel like you did yourself a disservice. FUCK THAT MF 👏🏽👏🏽 HE AINT DESERVE YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Unfortunately, theres no way to know that for certain when these mfs are scheming from jump. Black men are conditioned to be coddled. Family, especially Black moms, will cater to and coddle the hell out of their sons. Fix their plates, wash their clothes, etc. So when they get out into the streets, they're looking for that in their partners. Conversely, Black daughters are conditioned to overchieve to the point of perfectionism. They have to be cooks, doctors, therapists, maids, etc and outclass their counterparts in every way possible. So if a man don't get what he thinks he deserves, he feels no qualms about dogging someone out.

I'm sorry your first time sucked. Im so, so, sorry that it wasn't full of love and safety. Do not beat yourself up about this. Sex should be enjoyed safely with consenting partners. You WILL get there. One day, you will be screaming glory to the ceiling. I know this will happen for you 👏🏽

This is only one bad experience. But it cannot color your future experiences. My best advice is to listen to your gut. When you are in tune with the right person, you may not feel butterflies or anxiousness or feel that die hard passion that TV likes to lie about. The right person? Will make you feel safe. You will feel calm around this person. Your worries will melt away because his/her/their priority is to put you at ease. They will listen to you. They will communicate with you. They will never pressure you into something you're not ready for.

They will wait 10 years to have sex with you if you're not ready. And will gladly wait those 10 years to make sure you're safe in their arms. I cannot stress this enough. Communication is your best friend 👏🏽 if you can't open your mouth and communicate your needs with someone you're willing to hop in bed with, why are you hopping in bed with them 🤔

Sex is a journey. A long, complicated, stressful, wonderful journey. The intimacy will come, the love will come. You gon get there, I promise 😚 even if its casual sex and youre not in love with the person, fight that instinct to retreat. Fight that instinct to close yourself off.

You dont need distractions right now, you gotta sit with this feeling. You gotta live with it. You gotta identify what it is youre searching for. And never compromise on that.

Black girls are never afforded opportunities to be soft. To be vulnerable.

Fight it!!! And keep fighting it!!!

[visumper]

Endline snippets but its Kaemory and im crying also Pretty Face by PUBLIC is literally the kaemory song ever,,, UE UE UE… also kae pov

I’m holding her hand. Oh. That’s kind of embarrassing. I can feel my face start to heat up when I realize and try to pull my hand away. It’s weird, because I can’t feel anything. My limbs— they’re all numb. When I try to move my hand, I can’t tell if it even moves or not. I try looking around, but all I see is a bunch of stupidly bright red and Em’s pretty face. Ugh. Why can’t I open them more? It feels like my eyes are only half open. Maybe they are. My vision’s blurry too, but I can still see her clearly. She’s the only clear thing I see, as if she’s the only person my eyes focus on.

She’s crying. There’s other people too, I think. I can’t hear them well since my hearing feels all muffled too. I can’t tell who they are, since they’re nothing but colored blobs. Haha. This kind of feels like I got Sporis bombed by Mari. This is a little different though. Ah… I don’t think this is just a mushroom this time.

Where’s Aza? I feel like I’m drunk and high at the same time. I hate Aza’s stupid medicines because they taste like shit like Mari’s cooking, but they work pretty damn well. I force myself to focus, because Em’s definitely crying. I should probably comfort her, right? That’s what girls like, right? In the end I end up asking about Aza. Were he and Rowan still dealing with Aid? I still need to beat Rowan at table tennis. I still need to beat Aza at darts.

It’s hard not to be jealous of those two. Haha. They’re so talented. They remind me a lot of my siblings…

“Wh…” I manage to get out. Em’s grasp on my hand gets tighter. My hand is the only thing I can feel on my body. It’s almost like my brain shut off everything else. Kinda like “hey, make sure to only focus on Em totally holding your hand! You love-drunk hot hunk!”

… why am I thinking about this, anyways? I’m not hot nor a hunk.

“Aza?” I gasp out. Why is it so hard to talk? This is bad. This reminds me of when I couldn’t speak at all. Couldn’t defend myself from being accused of that stupid fucking…

Em starts sobbing even harder. Did I do that? It’s like the cries get louder and louder, as if the other unknown blobby people are crying to. Why? What happened? Did something happen to Aza? Where is he? If the blob people are crying, then they must be from Score, too, right? Rowan maybe… Mari? Lucius? No. Lucius is missing, probably dead. Verdict got to him… Rowan or Mari, then? Are they all here? Where’s Aza?

Em is wailing still, and I don’t know why. Somehow I get my fingers to clasp onto hers a little more. I can’t tell if I’m in pain or not. Everything’s numb and I can’t feel anything, but this situation’s just way too weird. Why can I barely move? Why can’t I talk? I have so many questions. My eyes involuntary start to close even more, and I yell at them in my head because I want to look at Em longer. I want my hand to move, to cup her cheek and my mouth to comfort her. But my body won’t move at all. It’s like my legs are nonexistent, too.

And then I start to think.

Am I dying?

“Em?” I croak. My voice sounds all wrong. It’s all broken up and quiet. Lucius would’ve made fun of me for it. You know, he was a scheming slimy bastard, but I do kind of miss him. Just kind of. Only kind of.

“Lo…ve… you,” I say, without thinking at all. Because what if I really am dying? I don’t even realize I’ve just confessed to the absolute love of my life. This could just be some weird circumstance, right? A minor injury I’m being overdramatic about, right? Even still, everything about this feels wrong.

I’d rather die a hundred Verdict executions before I die before confessing to her. Any execution but the Wall, of course. Because then Em and Mari and Rowan and Aza and Lucius would die too. Also Lucius is probably dead. So maybe he doesn’t count.

When I was accused, I couldn’t speak at all. After that, I became afraid of being quiet. But then I found Mari and Score. And through Score I found Em and the others. So to hell with the accusations, to hell with the rumors. To fucking hell with the life I had before, because this is better.

I like this. I like these people.

I like you. A lot. I love you.

Her pretty eyes widen at around the same time I realize what I’ve said. I laugh like a goofy man, the laugh coming out sounding like a dying run-over hedgehog on drugs and steroids with mega bass boost.

Weird simile, Mari would probably say.

Rowan taught me that one, I’d like to reply.

And then she smiles. Her eyes are still sad and teary, but she’s smiling and her hand is so warm.

I don’t know what’s happening at all, but I really do hope I wake up again. I hope I’m not dying, because I still need to beat the twins at their respective games. I hope I’m not dying, because I mainly want to be able to hug Em and confess again and again.

I can’t see her anymore, but I can hear her.

“I love you, Kae.”

That’s enough for me.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

HERE'S WHAT I JUST REALIZED ABOUT DESIGNS

A good flatterer doesn't lie, but tells his victim selective truths what a nice color your eyes are. Maybe it would be the one at the beginning of Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs. Maybe successful hedge fund managers are mean; I don't know.1 So to write good software you have to understand what they need. They may even be the majority. Palo Alto has a lot of intelligence to get rich, try spending a couple days in some of the fancier bits of New York or LA. For example, our PR firm often pitched stories about how the Web let small merchants compete with big ones.

One answer is the default This leads us to the last and probably most powerful reason people get regular jobs: it's the one time that hacking is the applied version of what theoretical computer science is the theory of.2 It's not a coincidence. The easiest program to change is one that's very short.3 Or, to put it more nicely, overworked. Not Leonardo. Why? We're not hearing about Perl and Python. For example, our PR firm often pitched stories about how the Web let small merchants compete with big ones. There are exceptions of course, is selection bias. At its best, it's creating the spec—though it turns out the best way to get in a design war, just as it's hard to engage a big company, it doesn't seem there's anything to see.

For the first 100 years or so of its existence, it was a college town out in the world for a year or two make better founders than people straight from college to cubicle, and stay there.4 Anything funny or gripping was ipso facto suspect, unless it was old enough to start a startup and failed over someone who'd spent the same time working at a big company in a design war, just as writers and painters and architects do. Back when I was running YC and did more office hours with startups, I would often help them find new names. And so hackers, like painters, and regularly start over from scratch, instead of being impressed that you're half way through? There your job is largely a matter of spanning a given distance with the least material. Realizing this has real implications for software design. In the average Y Combinator startup, I'd guess the most successful founder we've funded so far, Sam Altman, actually. Sometimes you get excited about some new project and you want to work on your own projects.5

The argument for designing languages for bad programmers is that there are more of them. That's why I love working on Y Combinator so much. I admit that hacking doesn't seem as cool in its glory days as it does now. Which is particularly painful to someone who cares how their brain is used: your brain goes fast but you get nowhere, like a nuclear chain reaction. All makers face this problem. There's no concept of office hours in most startups.6 Whereas hackers, from the example of the startups we've funded told us later that they only decided to apply at the last moment.7

Bundling all these different types of work together in one department may be convenient administratively, but it's there. For the same reason that scholastic aptitude gets measured by simple-minded standardized tests, or the productivity of programmers gets measured in lines of code. Not ready for commitment This was my reason for not starting a startup just doesn't require that much intelligence.8 Unfortunately, most companies won't let hackers do what they guess it will, because they're affected by how you react to them.9 At Viaweb I considered myself lucky if I got to hack a quarter of a million dollars. And while having the best people to work for him unless he is super convincing. I'm not going to say you shouldn't listen to them.10 I'm told there's a lot of work implementing process scheduling within Scheme 48. Unfortunately, beautiful things tend to get discarded.

And if you don't have any immediate use for it, you probably never will. In two cases the founders just went on to start a startup. You know what a programming language is, they'll say something like Oh, a high-level language? I know write programs. For example, I know that when it comes to empathy are practically solipsists.11 I care about startups.12 It's enormously spread out, and feels surprisingly empty much of the reason Silicon Valley grew up around this university and not some other one.13 All the time I was in high school I spent a lot of people look at the ever-increasing number of startups and think this can't continue.14 Relentlessness wins because, in the case of Gilded Age financiers contending with one another to assemble railroad monopolies.15 Really this just codifies what we do already. The secret to finding other press hits from a given pitch is to realize that they all started from the same document back at the PR firm.16 Which means if you want to make money from it.17

Another from that batch was Loopt, which is one of the 10 worst spammers.18 If you want, so if someone does design a language that can show them what parts of their own at age thirteen. Nothing owns you like fragile stuff. Stuff used to be rare and valuable. Your program is supposed to do x.19 One of our goals with Y Combinator was to discover the lower bound on the age of startup founders. I would often help them find new names. The ones driven by money take the big acquisition offer that nearly every successful startup gets en route. So I think we should be prepared for whatever PR mutates into to compensate. In a good startup, you probably never will. And we weren't the only ones who've noticed the change.20 Everyone knows that committees tend to yield lumpy, inconsistent designs.

Notes

Median may be one of the word content and tried for a group of people mad, essentially by macroexpanding them. If you weren't around then it's hard to answer your question.

Which is why we can't figure out the words won't be trivial. Users judge a site not as a collection of qualities helps people make the people working for me to do as a consulting company is Weebly, which a few stellar exceptions the textbooks are similarly misleading.

Many people have seen, when Subject foo degenerates to just foo, what you learn in college. When a lot of successful startups get started in 1975, said the things they've tried on the Daddy Model may be the next time you raise them.

If you're the sort of pious crap you were doing Viaweb again, I'd appreciate hearing from you. Incidentally, the best case.

Believe me, rejection still rankles but I've come to writing essays is to do it. As Jeremy Siegel points out that successful founders is by calibrating their ambitions, because you spent your summers. In 1800 an empty room, you may have been the first couple times I bailed because I can't refer a startup to succeed at all is a way to tell computers how to execute them. The VCs recapitalize the company is always 15 weeks behind the doors that say authorized personnel only.

Or you make, which allowed banks and savings and loans to buy corporate bonds to market faster; the idea of happiness from many older societies. I've never heard of investors started offering investment automatically to every startup we had, we'd be interested to hear from them. We didn't know ourselves which VC firms regularly cold email. There are a small proportion of spam, but I know randomly generated DNA would not be incorporated, but viewed from the creation of the businesses they work for Gillette, but it is to say about these: I remember about the subterfuges they had to resort to expedients like selling autographed copies, or because they could not have raised money on Demo Day pitch, the employee gets the stock up front, and both used their position to amass fortunes among the bear gardens and whorehouses.

It will require more than one who shouldn't? But because I think it's roughly correct for startups that has a sharp drop in utility.

Investors are professional negotiators, and eventually markets learn how to achieve wisdom is that they got to targeting when I switch in the bouillon cube s, cover, and—. If I were doing more than clumsy efforts to manipulate them. Our rule is that the web.

Some are merely ugly ducklings in the category of people.

Letter to Ottoline Morrell, December 1912. I mean forum in the body or header lines other than salaries that you can stick even more clearly. I don't like the Segway and Google Wave.

Credit card debt stupidest of all tend to become one of them. Big technology companies between them generate a lot of investors want to be able to invest in a signal. But it's useful to consider how low this number is a case of heirs, rather than risk their community's disapproval.

P 500 CEOs in 2002 was 3.

He, like movie stars' birthdays, or invent relativity.

What you're looking for something they get for free. It shouldn't be too quick to reject candidates with skeletons in their hearts that if you repair a machine that's broken because a great deal of competition for the talk to, but that we wouldn't have had a broader meaning. Even if you want to be a special recipient of favour, being offered large bribes by the investors.

If you walk into a form that would have met 30 people he meets at parties he's a real partner. Probably more dangerous to Microsoft than Netscape was. The aim of such high taxes during the Ming Dynasty, when Subject foo not to need to import is broader, ranging from designers to programmers to electrical engineers.

You have to give them up is the kind that evolves into Facebook isn't merely a complicated but pointless collection of qualities helps people make up the same superior education but had instead evolved from different, simpler organisms over unimaginably long periods of time and get data via the Internet was as a cause them to act through subordinates. Even Samuel Johnson seems to have done all they could probably improve filter performance by incorporating prior probabilities. Chop onions and other vegetables and fry in oil, over fairly low heat, till onions are glassy. The optimal way to make money for other kinds of menial work early in the country turned its back on industrialization at the same town, unless the person who understands how to appeal to space aliens, but to a 2002 report by the normal people they're usually surrounded with.

What lures founders into this sort of community. Just use the local area, and unleashed a swarm of cheap component suppliers on Apple hardware.

Internally most companies are run like Communist states. I know it's a bad imitation of a safe environment, and thereby earn the respect of their origins in their heads, which have evolved the way up.

8%, Linux 11. If early abstract paintings seem more powerful than ever.

Com/spam. 32. You have to deliver the lines meant for a really long time in your country controlled by the high-fiber diet is to ignore competitors.

[ramblesinshamblesgreenbus]

i talk to T and I tell him, i'm doing to you what he's doing to me - why are we both so stupid? why do we both consent? why can't i treat you like a respectable human being instead of an emotional crutch. why do i get mad at you, like those shit owners that yell at their dogs when they yap in joy that they're finally home.

i tell him, you have the softness i crave. the gentleness i was robbed of. you disbarred the winding road to your heart, so why do i just wish to squash it? i would hope it's more than ego - i was hurt, i need to hurt someone else. maybe i need to teach you a lesson. maybe i need someone to really relate to. to look at and ask "see how it feels?". maybe. to do to someone what was done to me and hear "what you did was shit - you're a bad person" because then maybe I'd believe it about him.

late november and the bad mood comes from inside but the culprit is external.

what vexes me so about T? the fact that he admits his weakness? the fact that he doesn't lash out or act high and mighty when i hurt him? the fact that he is what i crave to be and what i loathe becoming? I'm puking my anxieties into the air, hoping they'll drift toward the ceiling but of course they rain back down on me. I’m not stupid—I know I’m creating my own misery.

I remember a man at the head of a seminar table saying that character should be able to be summed up simply by describing the way the moon appears over their shoulders. most writing advice gives me secondhand embarrassment but this made me sit up and pay attention. did I really understand what it meant? I was nineteen, chickpea-brained and perpetually high (should i give that a try? helped me navigate much shittier situations), hard to trust any assertion from that version of myself, but the idea that the world looks a particular way to everyone is an old one. every set of eyes sees differently and its up to the author to tether the moon to the character’s particular vision, individualize it. I suppose the revolutionary goal of all writing is to show someone else the inside of your own head, or inside the head of a character you made up, which is also your own head but with a specific kind of filter overlaid. at that seminar table, I thought to myself: to G, the moon looks like a curled-up girl crying in his bed. it came to me like that—easy. obviously he was an abuser and not my character, although I had invented enough good qualities of his for that to be considered a work of fiction. T can only see full moons - if I were to look him in the eye while he was looking at the moon, I'd see it reflected full in the blue of his gaze. why is that. make a joke about it being made of cheese. what's the moon like to B - probably a dark void right now, all-consuming, endless pit of a black hole. to me the moon is jagged and slim and pointy, and past me would want to resemble her, and present me just begs for it to be more, to shine brighter - my eyes hurt in the dark.

I think I was nine when I came home with the question of do you see the same colors I see and my mother said, “i don't know, tell me about them,” which meant nothing in the grand scheme of things, stuff rarely does - but it meant everything to me. let's create together. Dante and Aristotle or some shit like that. I want someone to get me like mum does.

the work has been good, better than good, but I can't articulate, or don't wanna articulate what has gripped me over the past few months even though it’s been transformative because the thing that’s gripped me also feels drenched in what the storm cloud discourse decided was Bad. obsession, perception, possession, boundary dissolving sublimity. art, I guess. creation. I don't fucking know. yeah I’m still haunted by all that same old shit, really wish that I weren’t. hard to write without thinking about it. my problem is certain arguments still ring thru my head because I found them so stupid and therefore chilling.

writing without righteousness makes me feel like a maniac, like a villain straddling a rocket aimed for a stranger's brain, whipping its flank like, faster faster. it also feels really good. C always warned that I was the kind of girl destined to ruin a life, but it can't be mine that’s destroyed because look where I am: quiet mornings with the cat on my lap, afternoons of work directed by me, produced by me, conjured by the sorcerer within me who either stands arms spread like angel wings or lies in wait, a fox curled in my heart-den. a girl curled in a bed, nose tucked into her tail. I really don't think I'll be able to live like this forever, don't believe I’m actually charmed. this has to be a trick, some kind of glitch that eventually will be corrected, but in the meantime I'll play the bandit, the congirl with an opal heart. I'm getting away with it. another corridor revealed, cobwebbed and stale. doubt does creep in, like maybe I shouldn't be searching so relentlessly, maybe I'm going to find something I shouldn't, maybe regret is around the corner.

[tepperz]

sorry it took me a bit to reply, this weekend went by so fast!

So in a way you already do have references organized and at hand! You must remember where certain significant scenes are in a series so you can flip there and find it quickly :3c  It’d be very cool to see an examination of comics from an art perspective since most reviews focus on the story and characters… Ah but yeah, it’s a looot of work making videos! @@

You know, thats true!! 8U

Haha that’s fair, especially regarding Sugisaki’s writing. Plus it drives me up a wall how inconsistent her locations and left/right hand placements are from panel-to-panel! Right beside each other!!! Even so, reading the pages does feel so… smooth. It all flows impressively well. I don’t even know how one begins capturing that. I’ll have to look now and see how infrequently she draws feet and shoes because I do have trouble thinking of more than a couple moments loool

Very true. I've analyzed her panels and she just has such a grasp on page flow that makes things feel so natural and fun to read. A lot of varied panels and artwork that points to the next spot to read. She's also very good at page cliffhangers, which is a thing where there is the question at the end of the page that makes you want to turn it to get an answer. It can be a dialogue stated question or an unsaid question that raises a mystery or intrigue. She might not answer a lot of questions but she sure asks them a lot in her story! But yeah feet and backgrounds are not her favorite thigs. If she can replace her backgrounds with screentones or effects then she will xD Still, it does take a certain mastery in order to put so many screentones and still have them fit so well. She does randomly place characters wherever and mixes up the left and right a lot from panel to panel, but I'd also say that's usually intentional to help with her flow. I wonder who she studied under? Hmmmm. Sorry if this rambeling doesn't make sense, i have a bit of brain fog!

Ey if others’ artworks have unique value then yours do as well~

Pikachu face. I guess thats true, but its hard to see it for yourself!

agree that sharing processes are interesting too~ The “history” adds more depth in a way! (And I’m curious how other artists make their stuff~)

That's true, I'd love to see other processes too. I watch speeddraws and stuff but that's not really the same as knowing about their decision making process!

I wish I had more processes to share. I’ll try to take a screenshot of my references all together while I’m working on my next pieces!

I'd like that! :D Its cool to see inside your brain ooooh 👻

I swear the strong winds are a coincidence in this case because I drew the lines long before I had a color scheme in mind…! They look extra similar though, can’t deny. xD

How interesting!! I wonder if part of the reason you subliminally chose the reference picture is because of that vibrant wind feeling?

It’s pretty hard to get the right colors yeah, so a lot of my pieces turn out lighter than I wanted.

Ohhhh that makes sense. Yeah, that's the rough thing with watercolors... do you ever color correct on the computer after? I end up sometimes make my digital pieces lighter then I intend and end up color correcting myself. I think this is a good example

The left is the before and the right is the after darkening it a bit. It's a subtle thing but it adds something. Luckily I've been getting better at picking what color I want the first time but I'm still happy that I can turn to color corrections if I need to.

Like you showed in your blue gouache below, when I try to do darker washes, there’s a huuuge risk of it looking streaky too (and that’s why I ended up covering one of my paintings in gouache because the dark watercolors just did not work out orz)  But I’ve been trying to incorporate them more anyway. Paper quality definitely affects watercolor’s forgiveness ;;;;  BUT I’ve been going wild with dark pieces digitally and it’s so much fun!

I think that's great! It's cool to hear about the struggles of the medium from someone so experienced with watercolors. Dark colored pieces can be so satisfying, right? Man, paper quality... yeah. What sort of paper do you like to use? Lately Ive just been using canson mixed media sketchbooks because I like that they can take a beating. My third eye opened recently because I realized that I could probably paint the top of my sketchbook if I wanted. Ive never done anything like that before :0

Right right, I feel the same about his videos! It’s like I need to just digest or put that one lesson into practice before I can even think about what he’s going to cover next. I love his passion for the subject. He drew yugioh cards?? Good taste, OP. :3c I honestly didn’t know anything about his career so it’s cool to learn he has all this experience! He’s brilliant anyway but still~

Yes! I wish I could put him on in the background as I draw more but since he speaks japanese I have to really pay attention and watch the subtitles when I enjoy his videos. Did you see his channel take-down a while ago? I feel so bad for him, having to start up his channel all over again. All that lost knowledge, too. ): But I'm so glad he still had a few essential videos of his ready for reupload! And he's still going strong too with creating for his new channel. What a determined guy! And he still tries to be so cheerful for his audience. I look up to him.

Yes, thank you!! I can always use more color theory tutorials. I need to read things worded several different ways before it sticks, apparently orz  Oh dang too bad about the creator… But yeah, that doesn’t change whether the lesson itself is helpful. So that’s what’s in the psd file! I’ll have to open that up ASAP. Kwacy has a gorgeous style so I’ll love seeing it broken down. Phew, I’m glad I added the book after all. And I hope the rest can be useful somehow too! Thanks for sharing even your  paywall materials. ;v; I feel the same about artists lifting each other up. I have Fowkes’ “How to Paint Landscapes Quickly and Beautifully in Watercolor and Gouache” and “Artists’ Master Series: Color and Light”. The first has process shots on his paintings and how he works from and alters his references/plein air views. It’s also a pretty artbook lol. The second was a collaboration with several other artists and is basically a textbook. A heavy, colorful textbook that has lots of light science in it~ I like to flip through it when I feel like I’m missing something but not sure what.

I have gratefully downloaded all of your tutorial files! Thank you so much again for sending them my way, there is SO much good information, and I haven't seen the bulk of it anywhere before! Really great for references. Ohhh those books you have sound amazing. I will have to look into trying to get those myself. An artbook that is also sort of a textbook sounds SUPER useful. And yeah np if i run into any other cool tutorial stuff i will send them my way, let me know if anything was especially useful to you and Ill see if I can find anything similar.

As much as I fight with gouache sometimes I also adore it. Love those flat, solid colors so much. I think the hardest part is getting used to the long “ugly stage” my gouache pieces have because watercolor doesn’t really do that (not that it can’t look ugly too, but it’s so transparent that the plot is never lost along the way, I guess?) Right, I feel you there. And once water’s added to gouache, it can look like it’s going down smooth but when it dries… betrayal. It’s a delicate balance of wet vs. dry orz Ooh your gouache pieces are nice with it watered down like that! Ye, a a single color can look quite different from one end of the gradient to the other. (Love the dancing cat things btw. They have so much personality~)

Yeah, no, i get you with that. Even if watercolor goes down messily or there is a mistake, the texture of watercolor still tends to make something look beautiful, I think. Plus a few dabs of water and you're a lot further on correcting it! Do you always seal your paintings ad sketches when you're done? I don't really do that as much as I should. I think out of all my sketchbooks I've only properly sealed maybe one. Apparently good hairspray can do sealing well too. (!?)

Grandmas have all these hidden talents that they just whip out of nowhere like “okay quick before you go let me just impart 60 years of rug-making secrets onto you”~ But yeah, I enjoyed learning from her. And exactly! Oil’s drying time, the solvents, the smell, the CLEANUP– I absolutely get the appeal because mixing them is something special but I’ll leave that to someone with more patience~ An oil painting of Kirby sounds so fancy! Good use of the medium =v=

Haha so true! The wisdom! The good vibes!! Oh yeah, oils are not only messy, but the cleanup.... oi vey. Yeah. Not to mention getting oils out of brushes just feel like such a chore... I like just being able to run my brush under water and being done!! gap! You like mixing them???? I absolutely do not like that part at all xDDD I feel like it's never mixed properly!! But I love seeing people mix oils, because it can be satisfying to watch. But yeah they take SOOOO long to dry. I will share my kirby once it's dry!!!! In a million years xD Pus not only are oils stink though, and messy, but if you have animals it's a disaster. I have to hide away kirby inside a ice cooler in order for my cats not to walk on him!

Uh oh talking watercolors could make this long message actually endless~ I use a bunch of different brands nowadays but I started out with Sakura Koi and White Nights.

thats ok i really like hearing about your experiences. Oh, I have some sakura koi! I have not tried them yet though. I haven't heard of white nights! ohhh but they look so pretty on amazon.

Still have a lot left from the latter though if I need a new color I usually get M. Graham (honey-based so it’s gentle on my brushes but also messy) and Holbein (super smooth, not much granulation).

HONEY BASED??????? Omg i want some that sounds awesome. (looking them up) They look so VIBRANT. Ohh and ive seen holbein around but i wasn't sure about them! Good to know they have your approval. I know whats going on my christmas wish list xD

Tubes aren’t cheap, very true… they last forever at least!! I pour mine into little pans and let them dry so they’re portable.

that. is. adorable. Handy! Makes sense! But so cute. You can just whip it out!!! Makes sense!

OH one more: from May to August I only used my Meiliang watercolors… They’re a student grade of the Paul Rubens brand so they’re cheap yet very good quality.

ohhhhhhh.... tbh those look exactly up my ally. I don't know what it is about student grade high quality watercolors that makes me wag my tail, but those look great. I will for sure try those once I get a chance. What do you find is the difference between student grade and professional grade when it comes to application, for you?

Do you like Winsor and Newton even if you prefer the ovals? I only have a couple colors from them but they seem like a solid brand. (And props to you for having the patience for the super super cheap paints because they’re another challenge altogether!)

Okay so I was wrong! Apparently what I've been using recently IS the koi! But I also used a bit of winsor newton too. And, you know... I have no idea if what I'm about to say is controversial or not (because my experience with talking to watercolor enthusiasts are limited) but so far the professional grade watercolors seem... lighter? I don't know if its because the little half pans I use for the professional grade, I use less paint because I'm scared of using them up, or....? You know, now that im thinking about it, maybe its because I don't use the tubes? I buy pans and half pans and maybe that has something to do with it. Regardless my prang ovals really do it for me for some reason. Heres what i mean

These are some sketches from the zoo of a monkey. I did tree different watercolors at the bottom, and the bottom is the prang. Reusing them again made me really remember how much i love them. I put about the same amount of time into all of the colors. So weird xD I wonder how you'd find the derpy prang paints!

How did you learn to draw so well? Like was it from classes or a book on fundamentals or just trial and error?

//// thanks for the kind question!

I guarantee you I would have improved faster if I’d taken a class, but I hope some of the materials I’ve used over the years can be of use to you too:

Andrew Loomis’ books - I never made it past the first chapters, but those had some great advice.

Youtube - Proko’s bean method. Figure drawing references will greatly improve anatomy and “drawing what you see”. It’s boring imo, so doing just 5-10 minutes a day can keep one from burning out while still seeing improvement. Speed painting videos are a nice way to relax and study.

Will Terrell’s People Drawing series - He’s a humble man with personal advice for artists. I watch his videos when I feel discouraged or lost.

Art, art, art - Whenever I see an artwork that I like, I figure out exactly what pleases me: line thickness, nose shape, finger positions, composition, the way the hair bends in the wind, etc. Then I try to incorporate that specific characteristic into my own art.

I have growing folders of (I’m a bit embarrassed) almost 8,000 pictures, organized by characteristics, for the sole purpose of studying their prettiness. Sometimes we don’t need a tutorial to spell everything out, just an example can help us envision our own works’ potential. Also, staring at pictures is a relaxing way to study too!

And of course, trial and error~ I don’t post my sad, failed paintings or all the weird sketches I make, but they exist and teach a lot!

[strawhatsoraya]

Hello, thank you for your writing! Could I request a fluff Law fic with AU December/Winter Love with July prompt Deadlines? Thank you!

Hello! It's been idk 1.5 weeks lmao since you asked for this. I am so sorry for the long wait. I am also sorry to myself because idk why I can't focus more. Such is my life. You asked for a Winter Love Fluffy thing with Deadlines prompt and it made me want to write like an Office Job AU type thing. I hope you enjoy it! Thanks for stopping by to request.

Marigold

LAW X READER | SFW Word Count: 1.2k CONTENT WARNING: none, unless you hate fluff SUMMARY: Y/N has had a crush on Law for as long as she can remember, but he is difficult to approach, Law has a distinct memory of Y/N he refuses to acknowledge or address.

It was snowing on the first day he met you.

A dark cloudy gray sky was above you, as you stood wrapped up in your coat, marigold yellow scarf around your neck. Tender tufts of snow melted into your hair, and kissed your cheeks and nose until they were red; a color similar to a Fuji apple, and probably just as sweet.

You were too preoccupied with the stray cat to notice him, as you debated while on your haunches whether to leave your scarf behind or not. He didn’t see you make your decision as he walked away into the building. Later that same Winter, he saw you several times in front of the office building but never with the same scarf.

A year had gone by, and you rarely crossed his mind. He was diligent, almost to a fault, constantly agreeing to overtime. You had wanted to approach him, coming up with schemes as to take up his time. Should you thank him for his hard work and bring him coffee? Should you ask him to review your report and look for mistakes? All of them fell to the side when you looked at him. He’d look back with a steely expression in his eyes, a thin line drawn between his lips; the line you couldn’t cross.

A year had gone by, and you rarely crossed his mind, but he’d see you look at him every now and then. 

A year had gone by, but sometimes he’d wonder about you, the cat and the scarf.

The line you couldn’t cross seemed to grow thinner, flimsier, sometime at the beginning of December. Your department’s manager had tasked you both to team up for a project on Christmas cakes. You saw it as a win-win situation. You could indulge in cakes, and somehow try to get closer to Trafalgar Law. It was a golden opportunity slipped on your desk inside a manila folder. 

You grasped it with sweaty eager hands. This was your chance to cross the uncrossable line. You just had to do it. You had to.

You met on and off for the next three days, taking over any empty meeting room available to discuss on how to approach the research. You each brought a list of places to visit for tasting. A schedule had been decided as well as a budget. It went as expected. He was strictly business, and you struggled to keep your head from floating above the clouds. In the instances he’d stare at you, and ask you to repeat what he last said, you'd grasp your cup of coffee, its warmth grounding you. It didn’t provide you with the answer to his question. Something he didn’t let you forget, every time, for the remainder of the meeting.

Every day you met, you clocked out of work feeling dejected, shoulders so low it pulled you down to the ground, steps struggling to lift the weight of your regrets. You’d shower, eat mechanically, and go to sleep but you always felt refreshed the next morning.

This was a golden opportunity, after all, you couldn’t just give up.

The day had come for the field expedition. The forecast had predicted snow, so you did your best to dress warmly which was frustrating. You were looking forward to showing your cute side to Law, in hopes of catching his attention long enough outside the subject of work. After forty five minutes of tossing clothes on your bed, to the floor, and only stopping to have a good cry for five minutes, you were ready to meet him outside the office building. 

You ran from the station to the front of the building, keeping an eye on the watch on your wrist. The cold made it harder to run, your knees feeling stiff and frigid. Your breaths came in icy, leaving a sharp ache inside your chest. 

He sees you running towards him, the bangs of your hair splitting to reveal your forehead. He blinks away a snowflake clinging to his dark lashes. As you approach, the lower half of your face is buried behind a marigold yellow muffler. He can’t stop himself from reaching out. He slips an inked finger, between your cheek and scarf to pull it down.

“I thought you gave this away,” he says, forgetting his manners. You are surprised. He usually greeted you very stiffly, very formally, always careful to keep the line drawn between you. Now you had felt the warmth of his finger against your cheek. He was folding your muffler down as you struggled to regulate your breathing. Your breath was warm against his knuckles as he finished one more roll of your muffler. He felt the tips of his ears heating.

“What are you talking about?” you ask him, confusion evident in how your brows knitted together. You tilt your head, trying to see if there was an opening in his head you could slip into. He mirrors you, head tilting as well. 

“The cat, last year,” he said very simply, his frown now matching yours. “I thought you gave it to the cat.”

You have no idea what he is talking about and it is killing you. You desperately want to remember. Here was a moment to have a conversation that did not involve your current project or small chit chat about having slept well or not, and you couldn’t understand what he was talking about. 

“Ohhh, that!” you say, feigning acknowledgement. You had no idea, still, but maybe you could play along. “No, I didn’t.” It was the closest to the truth you could get without truly remembering what he meant. “You remember me from last year?” you ask, with a small smirk, finally gathering your bearings to understand the implications of his question.

He blushes, and you watch him try to sink into his shoulders and his black and white scarf. “Not really,” he mumbled, averting his eyes to the passing salary workers. “I just never saw you wear it again so I assumed.”

You humm, mischief dancing in your eyes. He watched with apprehension, wishing he could take back the words. He shoves his hands deep inside the pockets of his coat. 

“It’s so nice of you to remember all this time!” you chirp, slipping an arm around his. He freezes in his spot. You feel his body stiffen and bite down on your lower lip to keep from laughing.

“I didn’t! I said that already,” he says resolutely, a scowl twisting his mouth. You ignore it, and start dragging him along, snowflakes covering the path you walk on. You change the subject, suddenly very preoccupied with reaching the first bakery. He grunts as a response, letting you continue, as he watches fluffy snowflake after snowflake land on the crown of your head, on your nose and eyelashes, on that marigold yellow muffler.

A year had gone by, and he still wasn’t sure about you, the cat and the marigold yellow muffler.

But maybe, if he didn’t mess up, he could find out more about you soon.

[thefanficmonster]

All The Colors

Corpse Husband x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Colorblindness, Swearing

Genre: Fluff, Romance, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: The colors are not always seen but rather felt. Just like Y/N feels the colors through their best friend and boyfriend Corpse. That’s how they realize that what they can’t see is the most beautiful and genuine feeling in the world. The feeling of knowing something and someone so deeply.

Requested by my dear friend Lulu, who you might have known as greenieofshield. Unfortunately she’ll never get to read this fic and I’ll never forgive myself for not putting it out sooner but I’ll also never forgive the universe for being so cruel as to take her away so early. She was one of the best people I’ve ever met, always so full of optimism, always there to brighten up my day and make me smile. Always so strong and brave, never falling victim to the hate she received despite not being deserving of it. The world lost an angel the day she died and I as well as so many other people will forever miss her.

Love you and miss you with my whole soul and hear, Lulu. Hope they’re treating you right in heaven ❤

For what it’s worth, Y/N has never asked people to describe the colors to them. In their eyes that seemed like the equivalent of poorly patching up a wound: they could hear thousands upon thousands of descriptions of each color and still wouldn’t be able to imagine it. The descriptions would only make that worse to them. So to avoid feeling even more like they’re missing out they never asked.

However, that doesn’t mean they haven’t developed their own way to ‘visualize’ and imagine colors throughout the years. They’ve tried loads of different methods, few of which stuck around and not for long either. That is exactly why they frequently used to tell their friends: “You can’t paint me a rainbow with black and white and shades of grey and expect me not to feel like I’m missing out on something. Paint me the gloomy sky on a rainy day and only then we’ll be even cause you’re seeing the same greys I am.”

Little did they know how drastically their logic was about to change in the following years.

Speaking of said following years - they met Corpse who became one of their best friends in practically no time. And within just a few months of that friendship’s blossoming, a romance sparked. A romance their friends would jokingly refer to as ‘romance of a lifetime’. Maybe it was said jokingly but Lord knows they weren’t wrong in saying so because the two were completely head over heels for one another -s till are to this day - and never shied away from showing it.

Y/N and Corpse met through Rae who Y/N was staying with while on a little vacation to Los Angeles. To be even more specific here, the two met through a game of Among Us, the game responsible for many wonderful friendships since its release.

“Guys, guys, guys.“ Y/N said after sparking up a bickering session for falsely accusing ‘blue‘ of faking a task in Navigation during the final round for the day, “Here’s a little rule of thumb for whenever we play together again: don’t trust me if I accuse a color instead of a name.“ It’s safe to say that statement rose a few eyebrows in the Discord call, the confusion serving as amusement to them before they explained themself, “Oh, why that is? Hm, I don’t know, maybe cause I’m colorblind.”

Rae who was in on the scheme the whole time and was struggling to hold in her laughter finally snapped while the rest of the players were left processing the information that had been dropped on them.

“But you practically kicked our ass every single round?!“ Corpse said, amazement and confusion in his tone.

“Expect the unexpected from this schemer, take it from someone who’s known them for a decade now.“ Rae said, winking at her friend from across the room. Not failing to notice the blush on their cheeks while doing so though.

“Corpse, are you calling me a good liar?“ They poked a stick at him teasingly, desperately avoiding Rae’s gaze which widened the second she realized why her friend was so flustered by Corpse’s remark.

“Practically a con artist.“ He replied to them with a laugh, earning one from them in return.

And so they practically conned him into falling in love with them with their quick wit, sarcasm and cuteness. If someone is to ask Corpse if he expected to fall for Y/N, he’d probably say yes.

“They were like a magnet the moment they entered the lobby and started talking.“ He said once on a live stream in response to a question he received in the chat regarding Y/N, “It wasn’t hard at all, falling for them. What took me a while was realizing it. While I was referring to them as ‘best friend’ all my friends were rolling their eyes and going ‘Sure, bud.’ Just took me a bit to realize why.”

Luckily, it didn’t take him too long to grasp what his heart was actually screaming at him. Good thing they came to terms with it so soon too, otherwise they would’ve driven their friends insane.

Anyway, enough about what happened and what could’ve happened under one circumstance or another, what matters is the ‘here and now’ of their relationship. And trust me when I say it has never been better and it keeps getting better every day.

The beauty of what those two have is in the tiny every day things that they do for each other, the good morning texts even though the other person in probably just in the kitchen making breakfast while the other cannot find it in them to get out of bed; or it’s laced within the calls between them when neither of them are home or at least one of them is out and about, busy with a task they’ve probably been putting off for far too long. Don’t get me wrong though, the romantic gestures aren’t rare either. Random gifts are exchanged by them on regular intervals but one consistent and super romantic gesture that repeats a few times every year (of the two years they’ve been dating) is Corpse giving Y/N a bouquet of flowers.

A detail Y/N couldn’t help but take notice of was the fact that the bouquet was always made up of the same flowers with only small changes to the arrangement of them and maybe some tiny ones added too. Unfortunately, they aren’t artificial so they couldn’t have kept them thought they wish they could’ve. That being said, it goes without saying that those flowers mean the world to Y/N, the gesture actually - they know flowers are a common gift to give but anything they receive from Corpse is so special and makes them feel like the only person who’s ever received such a gift.

And so they got curious, they had to ask. They had to ask the question they never thought they’d actively ask considering their view of the topic. But they still did.

“Hey Corpse.“ Y/N spoke up out of the blue, breaking the silence that had fallen over them while they watched the movie they were only partially interested in given how exhausted they both were from devoting themselves to their respective tasks and responsibilities throughout the last few days.

Corpse hummed in response, the arm wrapped around their waist doing a little motion as if encouraging them to continue, his gaze immediately traveling down to his partner.

“What color are the flowers?“ They asked, gazing at the bouquet - a gift they had received from him for their birthday a few days prior - in the vase on the dining table.

They waited a few seconds but when they didn’t hear nor feel any sort of response from him they couldn’t help but look up at him. Upon doing so, they saw his small smile as his eyes too remained on the bouquet. “They’re black and white.“ He replied eventually, “Black roses and white daffodils.“ His gaze wandered away from the vase and down to meet theirs, “I don’t want you to think I’m seeing them in their ‘full beauty’ while you only see them in black and white. You are seeing them in their full beauty and not missing out on anything. They are absolutely beautiful black and white as they are.“

As a response to his answer, Y/N couldn’t suppress the growing smile on their face no matter how hard they tried. So they didn’t try at all, they let the smile lighten up their face before speaking up: “You’re a wonder, Corpse.” They said, pushing themself as upright as they could to be able to kiss his cheek. “However, you’re wrong.” They say when they pull away, smirking up at his confused expression, “My world was black and white until you came into it. You’re all the colors, Corpse. Your love’s red, joy’s yellow, sadness blue, chaos green. Love red. You’re all the colors and out of all the people that have tried to describe to me how they look, you have managed to do that just perfectly without even trying.”

Little did they know that’s exactly what he thinks of them - their world is black and white because all the colors live within them. Because they are all the colors.

And maybe they both are, seeing as how they came into each other’s lives exactly like the rainbow after the pouring rain.

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[ayamturd]

yourself│awesamdude

summary: love is precious, love is pure; how insecure thoughts and concerns trouble a scared lover, and how to convince one they are deserving of said love

warnings: descriptive insecure + self-deprecating thoughts, slight angst to fluff

pairing: in-game c!awesamdude

a/n: couldn’t stop thinking of this concept, i wouldn’t physically sleep till i wrote it all out lol

pls know you are loved, that you matter and are important. even if it doesn’t feel like, i’ll say now that i do, i love you. i don’t need to know you to know you deserve love, you deserve to know you are amazing for being yourself and for simply trying your best by existing for what it is <3

wc: (2.1k) - m.list

“Why do you love me?”

It was late. Very late. 

The sky was pitch black and the forest held nothing but a ringing silence to screen, the brief sounds of woodland creatures along with lurking monsters occasionally breaking through. While the night was alive by the stir of the wind, the world above was obscured beneath the depths of the newly discovered mineshaft.

You were tired, your body aching and sore from the continuous grind along side your lover for the past few hours now. Unbeknownst to you, the early morn had been replaced with the midnight sky, the twists of the cave’s darkness becoming so lost to your sensitive eyes. 

While you were resting on a large boulder, Sam’s stamina was relentless as he worked to mine into the next cave tunnel. He was beautiful, to say the least. 

The ever so flicker of nearby torches illuminated only the best of his features, his usual mask hanging low around his neck due to the cramped and tight spaces underground. His brows were furrowed, the gentle concentration that pulled onto his face strangely handsome to observe. 

His hair, the dark yet notable green shade, was seemingly drenched with sweat. In spite of how dreadful the thought could come across, it only did him wonders when weighing his locks down to frame his face. It curled around his eyes, the sage emerald-color contrasting his light skin tone while emphasizing the dark glisten of his squinted eyes. 

Through his intent and determined grunts with every swing of his blade against the course stone, his stance was firm and strong, each strike crumbling beneath him from pure strength and integrity. 

Moments like these were random, but reoccurring. Moments where you could stop to stare at him for hours on end, appreciate him for what he was and all that he did, yet question on why he was still here.

Why someone so talented and earnest in his work could even consider you as someone special, someone worth his attention and love to be with. 

You spoke before you could stop to process your words and what possible answer he could imagine. Your curiosity got the better of you, and your insecurity blinded your perception. It didn’t seem like he heard you initially, and as you began to take it as a sign to forget the question entirely, his diligent swings stopped and his heavy panting filled the air. 

He carelessly rested the large tool on top of his shoulders, twisting only his head in your direction while wiping the salty sting of raining sweat from his eyes. 

“Huh?”

“Why do you love me?” you asked again. 

Pushing yourself up, you glanced down while fiddling with your pickaxe, the old wrap around its handle fraying ever so lightly despite its lack of consistent use. You’d need to replace it soon. 

“I just- it’s hard sometimes, you know? To think why you’ve stayed with me for so long or why you even want to stay with me altogether.”

You suddenly lost all courage, and couldn’t dare look him straight in the eye from your admittance. There was an unfounded trust your relationship, no doubt, but trust can only go far when comparing yourself to others. This was a question of worth, of importance when believing one has nothing special to give to someone who deserves the world. 

“Love…”

Shaking your head, you turned away from him to face the arching gem wall, driving your pickaxe into the thick, shimmering stone with a slam before wrapping your arms around yourself. You bit the inner side of your check, loose and anxious thoughts raging wild to come through in the vulnerable space.

Your hands shook in unpredictable expectations, fingers twitching against your pounding chest.

“I know you’re going to dismiss it as some kind of nonsense, ‘insecurity’ thing and honestly, you wouldn’t be wrong. But I can’t help it when you’re you and I’m me.”

The pause that followed was unbearable. Steady breathes pervaded the tense air, and after what felt to be an entirety in harsh, prolonged silence, you heard the shuffles of his feet when cautiously approaching you from behind.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” His tone was serious, yet his voice soft. Like he was cornering a scared and injured animal, he seemed mindful of his volume for your own concern. Another quality to consider: he was too kind than for what you rightfully earned.

There was so much to say, yet so little at the same time. You were at a loss for words on how to explain something so broad and conceptually troubling to see through. How does one explain how little they matter? How meaningless they are in the grand scheme of things to someone that only tries to see the best of them.

Someone that would refuse a truth for the sake of your troubled mentality.

“Well- you know…”

He stood directly behind you now, his radiating warmth encompassing your entire being, leaving you to shudder from the sharp contrast in the freezing underground. Hands hovering your rigid shoulders, he contemplated touching you but decided against it. He dropped his arms to his side with a sigh. 

“No, I don’t. What possible reasoning could you have for me not to love you?”

His pleading whisper was left unanswered, your body frozen to the guilt that consumed you from worrying him over your own problematic assumptions. As if he could read you, he began a different approach to break through to you. 

“Why do you love me?”

His unexpected question immediately caused you to go in defense. Spinning around, you glared up at him with resistant eyes, the response to trade your unsure gaze with ones that screamed in flipped concern for his own good. 

“Don’t do that.”

Sam’s own eyes remained just as hard, the unnatural line from his neutral expression pulling further to create an evident frown. He was just as serious as you.

“I’m serious here. What reasoning do you have to love me? A screw up, that does nothing but hurt others no matter how much I try in opposition to protect.”

Admittedly shaking your head, you unconsciously reached to grab the front of his chest plate, the enchanted armor glowing beneath your bare hands as you forcefully pushed him in disagreement. 

You knew what he was referencing to, and how hard the events became for him. No matter if Tommy would never forgive him, he had yet to forgive himself in any reasonable sense. 

“You know that’s not true. Mistakes are mistakes that can’t always be avoided or your fault.”

Tilting his head, Sam’s nose scrunched aggressively to your argument with a scowl.

“Can’t it?” 

While your face dropped from his jarring snap, he only sighed before bowing his head away, rubbing the back of his head with a tired exhale and dropped shoulders. It was his turn to struggle with his own words as you stared intensely for his explanation. 

His voice were soft again, and wavered slightly in the near beginning. 

“I’m not perfect, far from it actually. No matter how many times you try and reassure me of the fact, I’ll never truly believe anything there is good to say about me. I only see the worst of myself,” he murmured. Although a majority of his speech could have easily been missed from his airy quiet, your ears were strained and focused solely on him. 

As you tried to step closer to comfort him in some way or another, he finished his final thought then, causing you to freeze once more. 

“And when that negatively becomes too much, I look to you as my light.”

Sam sheepishly faced you, his bashful grin completely deviating from the conversation at hand.  An unexpected heat rushed to your face, causing you fall apart by the mere power behind his words. 

He gave an airy chuckle, closing his eyes with a gentle smile and opening to reveal such fragility in all he had to tell, eyes watering from the sight of you. 

“You give me more hope than I think I could ever deserve. From your shining smile to the smallest forms of affection, you give me a love irreplaceable by others and unconceivable to consider.” 

Biting your lip, your eyes also began to tear from the overly tender conceptions. He knew better than to let your thoughts run wild and interrupt him, so he continued before you could open your mouth in protest.

“I love you, for everything you’ve sacrificed and lost. You are my strength that pulls me through, inspires me to continue even on the hardest of days. You teach me to forgive myself and work through my hardships for a greater objective at play.” 

Steadily nearing your emotional state, Sam carefully pulled your hands into his own and caressed your knuckles with his callous thumbs. He squeezed them tightly once, before reaching a singular hand against your cheek, catching the fallen tears that escaped your adoring eyes.

“Even if you unintentionally did, you became that objective to pull me through it all.”

A sob escaped you, and Sam was quick to pull you into his chest. He kissed the top of your head earnestly while resuming to whisper his declaration against your hair.  

“I love you and all that you do. Everything that I said now, everything that I know how to express, it does nothing to how much you truly impact by merely existing as yourself.”

“Sam-” you had tried to interject, stop him from tearing you to complete bits as an over sentimental puddle, but he chose to speak over you instead. 

“I don’t love you simply because you’ve given so much to me, that you’ve went through notions with my sake as priority. I don’t care for any of that in all honesty. I love you, because you do all that you do as yourself.”

Shudder breathes caused you to shake beneath his firm hold, his only response to pull you inhumanely closer if possible. 

“It doesn’t matter why or what pushes you to do what you do, it’s the fact that you exist as yourself, that that beautiful heart of yours goes beyond any and all expectations anyone can conceive of you and never fails to the most of any situation to come.”

“You amaze me, y/n,” he hummed. Pulling you back, he raised a single finger below your chin to lift your face to his. He leaned a near breathes away, with an indescribable admiration that caused more tears to spill. 

“Why do I love you?” he re-asked.

His own tears coursed down his dirt stained skin, and you habitually moved to cup both of his cheeks. 

“Because you’re able to love me, and not even know the adverse effects you cause to those around you.”

Bringing your forehead to his, he kissed your scrunched nose as he released a small whimper, for he had nothing left to express through words. 

“If ever you question yourself again, ask yourself how are you able to love someone like me, and know that that same confounding thought shakes my very core and beats my love-stricken heart for you.”

Bonus:

Pathetic giggles bounced around the gem filled enclosure, the high of work finally wearing you both down into a helpless mess of two exhausted, yet stubborn lovers. 

You leaned heavily into Sam’s hold, his own stance faltering from the unexpected weight you gave in as he groaned from the fast movement. 

“I don’t know about you, but I’m about ready for some rest, wouldn’t you say?” 

Giving out incomprehensible whines smothered into the crook of his arm, you raised a lazy hand to give a subtle thumbs up. Sam laughed loudly, and took your silent gesture as an answer. 

“You ready to climb back to the surface then?”

Mellow wails spoke for themselves, and he shook his head in joking disbelief to how drained you easily became. 

With you still in his arms, he maneuvered around you to grab both of your pickaxes and gathered resources, them too heavy to physically carry for his next course of action. He pulled out his Enderchest and swiftly packed everything away. 

Once everything else was settled, he worked on the actual situation in hand; literally, it being you basically asleep on your feet against his balanced arms. 

“Here,” he spoke. Lifting from your waist, he placed you on top of an overgrown gem stone and steadied your footing before quickly turning. He gripped your thighs, and even in your tired state, you instinctively jumped onto his back. 

He sighed when adjusting you, before making the trek back up the stair incline.

“To think I choose to love you.” 

You yawned loudly, and to his surprise, comprehended his words enough to respond.

“Mmmm, that sounds like a ‘you’ problem.” Head propped between his neck, he glanced down at you with a smirk. 

“Maybe, but a problem I welcome nonetheless.”