#its 9pm im feeling a little crazy

[hibiscuslynx]

*holds your face in my hands* if you're going to write it, ill write it with you

as someone from massachusetts myself i thought there would be way more ny/mass in this fandom considering i was raised to give someone walking around Boston in a Yankees cap a death stare but also going on vacation there and loving the people and the sights

i WILL draw them and i WILL help you write them (i would write a fic on my own but i cannot finish anything i write on my own kalsjfd)

-yeti <3

good to know the massachusettans themselves cry for more ny/mass. i, a *cough* humble californian *cough*, will do my best🫡 (if i do even attempt to write).

if only i was into baseball. then i could really write their dynamic. alas all i know is hockey and the rags/bruins rivalry isnt as big as the yankees/red sox rivalry but its something . appreciate ur willingness to help i will let u know if i need help . or i might just post abt it. who knows!

[jockwrites]

LUST - p.b

hi this is chapter two lol

warnings: angst, asshole paige

part: 2

a/n: this is pretty short lol. also the songs i put are basically what the chapters are based off of! sorry if that wasn’t clear, it’s basically some “playlist” thing i see other writers do!! 🙂‍↕️ also im basically putting you guys on..

its been 6 days since you’ve broken up with your boyfriend.

you and paige have been hanging out every day since, and you can say these have been the best days since you two have met.

right now, she’s at practice. that means you’re all by yourself.

you decide you wanna go down to the lobby, maybe grab a few snacks.

you check your phone before you leave, no calls or texts. that’s boring, and it sucks.

anyway

you put on your slippers and head out. as you’re walking you see paige’s teammate, ayanna.

“hey, ayanna. don’t you guys have practice?” you ask.

“huh? practice is tommorow” she says, laughing.

but you found nothing about that sentence funny. at all.

“well.. paige told me you guys have practice today?” you say confused.

“well blondie is lying. why she tell you that?”

“i don’t know. she said she had to leave for practice around like 1 earlier and i haven’t heard from her since.” you say, annoyed.

“whattt? girl its 9pm. no practice lasts that long regardless.. how vulnerable are you?” she says, giggling.

“ok shut up. can u text her? ask where she is? pleaseee?” you ask with puppy dog eyes.

“alright alright. gimme a minute,” she pulls out her phone, going to text paige.

as she texts her, you see her expression change. she’s looking weird.

“what is it? where is she?” you say, worried.

“she’s- she’s at her cousins.” she says nervously.

“are you lying?”

“no? i’m not. but i gotta go, ill see you around.” she speaks, walking away hurriedly.

you look around, wondering if you’re crazy.

you pull your phone out of your pocket, going to text paige.

hey, where r u?

you sit and wait. might as well get your rice krispy treat you’ve been wanting.

you walk over to the vending machine, putting in the dollar to buy your treat.

*ding*

*ding*

*ding*

“holy shit what the fuck dude” you whisper to yourself as you get 3 messages back to back from your friend.

you open the messages, and your heart instantly drops.

“what. the. fuck.” you say in your mind.

what the fuck? don’t you guys like .. idk talk?

that’s exactly what your friends message reads.

it’s three pictures of paige walking with some girl. and the third picture..

they’re holding hands.

all of a sudden, an incoming call pops up on your screen from your friend.

“holy shit girl isn’t that your little girlfriend?” says your friend over the phone.

“dude. where are you? how’d you get those?”

“i’m at chick fil a right now, and then i seen THEEE paige bueckers like omg woah then i see her with some girl that wasn’t you and that’s definitely like a omggggg woahhh reaction and so i-” she rambled.

“shut up for a second jesus. holding hands is like actually crazy. alright i gotta go.”

“alright bye babe but talk to her or something and fill me in on the tea pleaseee ok bye love you!!!”

you hang up. you don’t know how to feel right now.

you’re so overstimulated.

you walk back to your room, tears ready to fall from your eyes.

you check the message you sent earlier, and you realize you’ve been on read for ten minutes.

you put down your phone & sit back against your head board. you’re so confused, so upset, so angry.

you feel so stupid.

you start to cry, looking back on everything you’ve done for her. everything you’ve done with her.

she turned you gay, she made you breakup with your boyfriend, and now she’s cheating.

not necessarily cheating, since you guys aren’t technically together.

but that doesn’t matter, you’re off limits to other people and she’s supposed to be.

you don’t hold hands with your cousin like that.

after about 20 minutes of crying, you hear your door open. and speak of the devil, it’s paige.

she walks in, noticing you crying and immediately comes over to you.

“woah woah baby, what’s wrong? are you okay?” she says, confused.

“who is the girl.”

“what? who?”

“the girl! who is she paige?” you yell.

“i don’t know who youre talking about.”

“you know exactly what and who the fuck i’m talking about dude?!” you jeered.

“chill the fuck out,” she tempted, “and if you want me to be honest, she’s just a friend of mine.”

“nobody holds hands like that with their friends. you’re a liar.”

“no way you’re calling me a liar now. i said she was my friend and that’s what the fuck i said. drop it.”

“drop it? you literally said im off limits to other people, so how does that change for you?”

“it doesn’t. i’m just saying, she’s just a friend.”

“whatever paige. i don’t even know how you could do this to me after everything we’ve done for and to each other.” you whine.

“don’t act like a baby now. i’m not the bad person here, you are.” she huffs.

“how the fuck could you even say that?”

“well i’m not the person who left their boyfriend for a girl! i don’t know what you’d expect from me.” she snaps.

“what the fuck? you made me leave him paige! you asked, you convinced, you nagged. don’t flip this shit on me!” you snap back.

“well maybe i wanted to have a little fun. that’s all it fucking was.” she says, an angry look in her eyes.

“take a look around paige, nothing about this is fun to me. read the room. think about how i would’ve felt.”

“how the hell did you even find out?”

“doesn’t matter. don’t flip the subject.” you sass.

“whatever. i don’t know why you thought we were more than a hookup anyway. you’re obsessed and crazy.”

your heart drops. you immediately turn away from her, tears about to form in your eyes.

“get the fuck out.” you snarked.

“alright. i’ll do that then.”

“bye. don’t come back.”

and just like that, you hear the door close. she actually left.

tears immediately start flowing. you feel so hurt, neglected, ridiculed.

you cannot believe the words that came out of her mouth, after everything.

you sniffle and cry, thinking back on the memories you two had.

it would be insane to say it wasn’t more than a hookup. but you guess it was.

as you slowly cry yourself to sleep, you realize this was a mistake.

a/n: hi so this is horrible but pls stay tuned for next chapter, maybe smut maybe not 👅 also someone teach me how to make a masterlist pls??!!!

[bloomyeu]

peach eyes

pairing: bang chan x female reader

summary: in which chan and you struggle to convey the love you have for each other

word count: 1.7k

warnings: angst? fluff? comfort? :) not edited

a/n: channie is so soft i luv him. fic is based off peach eyes by wave 2 earth

masterlist | requests

He knew he loved you.

He really did, but at times he felt like it was never conveyed. The constant hours at the studio, the time away on tour, on a plane, at a showcase, hours that werent spent with you. He felt bad, when was the last time he kissed you? 3 weeks ago? Maybe 4?

Maybe its time he lets you go. 

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

You knew you loved him.

Yes he was always busy, yes he wasn't home, but with him you were complete and that was that mattered. No matter how much time was spent apart.

Maybe its time you let him know you love him.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

Its been a few weeks since chan had last been home, and with the two weeks coming up to it, you could only think of how you could surprise him to make him feel the love you have for him. To hug and kiss him without anything holding you back.

He was supposed to be back at around 6pm. So you made everything he loved. A home cooked meal of jjajangmyeon, bobs burger on the tv, christmas candle lit, fuzzy blanket ready on the couch, and cuddles. 

The plan was to tell him how you felt as soon as you both finished dinner, although things don't always go exactly as planned. 

hey ynnie, flight got delayed :[ have no idea what time ill be home we also have a team dinner as soon as we land so dont wait up for me! im sorry baby, i rlly wanted to see u

hii channie awe thats sucks :/ i hope u have fun tnt and land safely!! will u still come tnt or r u gna stay at the dorms?

ur crazy i need to see u babe ofc ill be home ill jst be late

ok!!! ill be waiting <3

And with that dinner was put back in the fridge, candles were blown out, love confessions burned on your tongue, and tears were falling as you showered. 

You knew it wasn't his fault, he didn't even know. But it still hurt. 

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

He felt so bad.

All he wanted to do was come home and be in your arms, and yet the flight got delayed so he’d be back at around 9pm and had a dinner/team meeting/debrief as soon as he landed. Could it not wait till tomorrow?

He knew you were waiting for him, wanting to spend a day with him before the both of you are sprung back to work.

But life is unfair is it not?

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

It was around 1am when chan unlocked the front door of your(shared) apartment. 

The house was quiet, but he could hear Lorelei Gilmore talking about Chilton and whatnot.

“Ynnie, I’m home,” he whispered into the still apartment.

Walking into the kitchen, he noticed the food you’d prepared, and it made his heart swell. The jjajangmyeon, perfectly plated and covered with plastic wrap to keep it warm, the careful presentation that showed how much thought you’d put into making his favorite meal. You even remembered to set out his favorite pair of chopsticks—the ones you’d bought together during a trip to Japan.

The effort, the care, the love you’d put into this simple act of cooking for him—despite the long hours and despite knowing he might not even make it home in time to enjoy it—it all hit him like a wave. You still did these things for him, even when he felt he didn’t deserve it.

He could almost see you in the kitchen, humming softly to yourself as you cooked, imagining the smile on your face when you thought about how happy he’d be to come home to a meal made by you. The image was so vivid, so tender, that it made his chest tighten with emotion. He swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears at bay, but it was impossible not to feel overwhelmed by the depth of your love and how much he missed these moments with you.

He walked out of the kitchen before the tears could spill, hoping to pull himself together, but then he saw you on the couch.

You were wearing his shirt, the one that was a little too big on you but somehow looked perfect, hanging off your frame in that effortlessly beautiful way only you could manage. The fuzzy white blanket was wrapped snugly around you, keeping you warm as you slept. Your mouth was slightly agape, soft snores leaving your lips, and your hair was slightly tousled, as if you’d fallen asleep waiting for him.

He knew you’d tried to wait for him, and he’d never felt so guilty.

You never complained about the hours he worked, you never argued when he said “10 more minutes” at the studio—you were so good to him.

And yet he felt he treated you like crap.

And that realization only made him let out a choked sob.

He sank to his knees beside the couch, his hand reaching out to touch your face gently. You stirred slightly but didn’t wake up. Chan watched you sleep, his heart heavy with guilt and love. He wished he could turn back time, be there for you more, show you how much you meant to him.

He sat there for a while, just watching you sleep. The room was dim, the only light coming from the TV playing Gilmore Girls on low volume. The soft glow cast shadows on the walls, creating a peaceful, almost magical atmosphere. Chan took a deep breath, trying to steady his emotions. He knew he needed to be strong for you, to make things right. To treat you better.

Eventually, he got up and went to the bedroom. He changed into comfortable clothes and grabbed a spare blanket. He returned to the living room, covering you with the extra blanket before settling down on the floor next to the couch. He didn’t want to disturb you by trying to fit on the couch with you, but he wanted to be close.

As he layed there, he thought about all the times he’d missed, all the moments he should have been there for. He remembered the first time he met you, how your smile had lit up the room. He thought about all the little things you did for him, the way you always made him feel loved even when he was far away.

He made a silent promise to himself that he would do better. He would make more time for you, show you how much he loved you. He wouldn’t let his career come between you two anymore. He closed his eyes, hoping that tomorrow would be a better day, that he could start making things right.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

Morning came, and you woke up to the smell of coffee. You blinked a few times, realizing you were still on the couch. The TV was off, and the apartment was filled with the soft morning light. You sat up, stretching and rubbing your eyes.

That’s when you saw Chan in the kitchen, making breakfast. He looked up and smiled when he saw you awake.

“Good morning, ynnie” he said softly.

“Hiii channie, good morning. How was the flight” you replied, your voice still groggy from sleep.

He walked over to you, holding a cup of coffee. “It was ok. made you some coffee.”

You took the cup from him, feeling a warmth spread through your chest. “Thank you.”

He sat down next to you, his eyes filled with a mixture of love and guilt. “I’m sorry about last night. I really wanted to be here with you.”

You shook your head, placing a hand on his. “It’s okay, it wasn't your fault. I know you’re busy. I just miss you.”

“I miss you too,” he said, his voice breaking slightly. “I wish i was here more, with you. I want to be here for you more.”

You smiled, tears forming in your eyes. “I’d like that.”

He leaned in, kissing you softly. a kiss filled with love and promise, a vow to be better. You kissed him back, feeling a weight lift off your shoulders. You knew it wouldn’t be easy, but you were willing to work through it together.

The two of you spent the morning talking, about anything and everything. It felt like you both were in your own bubble, just the two of you without any distractions. Chan told you about his tour, the places he’d seen, the experiences he’d had. You told him about your days, the little things that made you smile, the moments you wished he’d been there for.

As the day went on, you realized how much you’d missed these moments. The simple act of being together, sharing your lives. It was something you never wanted to take for granted again. 

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

Over the next few weeks, things began to change. Chan made a conscious effort to be more present, to spend more time with you. He still had his responsibilities, his career, but he found a balance. He made sure to call you every day, even if it was just for a few minutes. He made time for date nights, for weekends away, for the little things that made your relationship special.

You could see the difference in him, the way he looked at you, the way he made you feel. The love was always there, but now it was more tangible, more real. You felt closer to him than ever before, and it made you realize how strong your love was.

as you were both sitting on the couch together, watching a movie, Chan turned to you, his eyes filled with emotion.

“Ynnie you know i love you right? you mean the world to me. Youre like my sunlight”

You smiled, your heart swelling with love. “I love you too, Channie, so much. With you I can do anything, were meant to be”

He pulled you into his arms, holding you close. “Always,” he whispered.

And in that moment, you knew that no matter what challenges came your way, you would face them together. Your love was strong, and it would endure.

fin.

masterlist | requests

[trainerethan]

I don't know who I think I'm kidding I have a half hour if work left and I'm already so sleepy that I'm certainly going to pass out the second I'm tucked into bed. Fuck my stupid sleepy life.

Draw reguri or work on my living dex. Life is full of difficult choices.

[figula]

anyway in other news

today was pretty decent - ben got a case of the sads at about 9pm but actually recovered p fast and without any crying that i saw but he was in the bath for a bunch of the evening so i cannot verify this. the sad attacks are definitely getting more spread out + (i think from an outsider perspective) less intense. i genuinely think as well that we hadn't had sex in ages (ofc the week ana was away my period started so we didnt really bother) which made us both kind of :(

we had sex :) + read to each other. ben asked if we could do more reading out loud to each other at bedtime bc he really liked our matsuo basho reading. i liked it as well - i think i focused much better on teh words than i usually do - so ben picked a shortlist of books to read next (i haven't read a book in like 10y so there's no point me picking one) + i picked one from that + anyway we're reading "this is how you lose the time war" and im reading all of red's bits + he's doing blue. ill be honest... not fully sure about teh writing style... ben used the word florid as a compliment + i would use the same word, but as an insult lol. (very very representative of our characters i think) some of the sentences i really like but so far i cant feel much of a difference btwn red + blue - like if one of them wrote very floridly + one of them wrote very starkly i feel i'd appreciate that more bc you would be getting some insight into the characters but as it stands, the entire thing feels a bit like a creative writing exercise to me. we're not that far in tho so maybe it will capture me more as we go i should send ben some of my fanfic (look it's just a hobby) + see what he thinks lol

we played chess next to each other in bed :) he's been making some tentative little steps into learning / playing the game :)

i had intended on doing more work than i ended up doing but i think sometimes just spending hours and hours with your partner doing not much is the best way to spend a saturday

ana is back now! i forgot to say yesterday but they are back :) i did miss them a lot! whenever we're apart i yearn and pine

god, also! i forgot to say the other day but i needed something to watch while i cleaned my alpaca the other day + settled on red white and royal b lue + it was the tropiest shit ive ever seen in my life. i dont know if it's bc the author (it's an adaptation) comes from fanfic or bc the fanfic style has become indistinguishable from YA style more generally these days but it was kind of nuts to me how much the film could have just been a collection of AO3 tags?? im not even bashing fanfic bc i ahve written it since i was a kid and some fanfic is better than some published work and it's all a rich tapestry. HOWEVER this film was just crazy in its ... nothingness?? it was a perfectly fine watch i guess if you're looking for a princess diaries-y gay romance + god knows there are enough sugary romance films about straight people and those cut from the rainbow cloth also deserve their fair share of merry dross but yeah i was just surprised!! idk

[the-anonymous-vent-blog]

this feels so silly to come to vent blog but here i am lol

i feel like i'm never going to grow out of my insecurity. i'm not insecure in the way i see it portrayed with everyone else. i'm fourteen and if these are what hormones are like i don't think i can do it. i've always had anger issues, i've always been sensitive and i've always been unhealthily jealous but as i've entered teenagehood, it's only gotten worse.

i'm constantly, always lashing out at the people i love and getting angry at them whenever they call me out on it. i hold onto grudges even weeks after the incident has passed and tell other people about it as if it just happened to make myself seem like the bigger, better person. i form wickedly strong attachments to people that i've just met and create such unrealistic standards of who they'll be that when they inevitably don't meet them i come apart at the seams and feel like my life is over and i need to take drastic measures for two weeks, then i lose the attachment and form an arguably worse obsession where i'm bitter and angry and jealous and want nothing but the worst for them but they dont feel nearly as vividly as i do so i feel stupid and it creates this cycle that im really fucking sick of because i've never met anyone who loves or hates as strongly as i do and i feel like im going crazy

i am such an awful person because of my insecurity and i hate myself for it

it's been so long and i'm so young and i know yo7 cant get rid of insecurity overnight andnit's a "self-love" thing but i'm really, really suffering. i wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy. i have periods of time where i'm good, i feel really fucking fantastic and i don't care about other people and online shit and i think "i was just being dramatic, im actually fine" and then something small happens and i fall apart all over again and it gets worse every time

i dont even know what to do. im sorry if this is too much to put on a vent blog, please ignore this if it is im just feeling weird and it's 9pm and thats probably why im so emotional right now i just want to know im not alone

🍎

Alright first things first- never base your perception of anything on the way books or shows, any kind of story made for entertainment, portrays them. They can help if the team making them is particularly attentive, but they little inherent benefit to being accurate.

Good news- It isn't just hormones. Yes, hormones can make your issues worse and cause instability, but there is always something you can do to fix this problem by your own hand.

Additionally, you just happen to be asking someone who's gone through something very similar!

Bad news- I got through the worst of it through sheer force of will, heavy dissociation, and several years of unwilling social isolation. So lets hopefully avoid that for you! (Even if it does, its really not the end of your life)

Its going to really tough. I mean it. Sometimes it'll feel like you're not making progress at all. Sometimes you won't want to get better. You might make some Bad decisions.

What do to- therapy. I often recommend therapy, because seriously, it is heavily underrated. Your therapist can provide you with many exercises, resources, and its very good to have someone listen who can respond in a constructive manner. I was able to get therapy because my highschool offered it for free, and by my second year I was old enough to make those decision without parental permission thanks to local laws. See if your school, local community center, or other provides similair services.

Support system! A good support system is essential to getting through this. It's going to feel counterintuitive, but stick around those people that didn't meet your standards. It's important to build a social network, and upon learning to tolerate them, you may find yourself truly loving and caring for one or several of them.

Journaling! When having trouble with your thought processes, this is very good! You can get an overview of your stream of consciousness, physically get a look at the areas you need to improve on, and take steps to correcting your attitude. Changing the way we think is important to healing, and this can help catch harmful thoughts. It can also help you catch bad ideas before you try to execute them irl.

Overall- ^^These are just the things I feel are most relevant to your situation. There are many different steps you can take, and plenty of resources online to help you determine whats best for you. THE most important thing however, is to want change. That seems easy, but none of this will change fast. This is the sort of thing that can easily take years. It takes a determination that can be easy to let go of in favor of instinctual reactions and whatever gives you dopamine. These emotions will come and go, and the best you can do is sometimes simply trying to not let them drown you.

Remember, you're not irredeemable. You're just a kid, and being a kid is fucking difficult. <3

[samuelroukin]

good news im finally fucking done with mwi!!!! *crowd goes crazy offscreen*

the second half is a lot busier than the first one, turns out that other time I had stopped just before the good stuff. it is still very noisy but now that's a solid 7.5/10 experience (probably better if ur playing) i can see why you like it

and there's so much more gaz towards the end!!! he is. he. he is very. he- *dies in a pool of blood* everytime he says rog' instead of roger i want to gnaw on his bones (lovingly) (like a dog)

the plot itself makes me feel a very Political sort of way but i wont elaborate on that. it did make me cry a little bit ngl. not a bad time, makes me think maybe i wouldn't have hated watching All the games. who knows? maybe i will. it surely would make me sleep a lot better lmao

starting on mwii in a bit. i shall not succumb to sleepiness. its barely 9pm i can absolutely take some more (much like-

yeah it's good!! i'm glad you liked it, and i'm glad you finally got to really appreciate gaz he really is sooooo. god i love him

also yeah it's cod there's stuff in there that's like. hm. but also you watching all the games just to fall asleep to gunshots lmaooo. whatever works though

i hope you like mwii too! it's filled with good stuff (much like 👀)

[blxetsi]

Hi! Can I please request modern au hcs for Armin?

tysm for requesting !!

modern armin arlert dating headcanons

lowercase intended !

college!armin arlert x gn!reader

- okay so

- i think in a college setting you and armin hit it off really well

- i think you guys wouldve just accidentally kept bumping into each other, whether it be around campus, at some coffee shop, in the library

- it gets so frequent you dont even know if its a coincidence at this point, yet you cant help but hope that you seem him whenever you go out

- after ALWAYS bumping into each other and apologizing before making small talk, armin makes the first move

- mf just says "are you following me ?" to which you reply "are YOU following me ?"

- that night ends in you two exchanging numbers 🤩

- you find out that hes a humanities major, and wants to be a psychologist some day

- you also find out he has a paid internship at a research facility near the university you attend

- hes super sweet but also super humble, so he tries not to keep the subject on himself for very long, just wanting to know more about you

- as you two get closer he gets more touchy (not in a weird way)

- he starts greeting you with hugs now, and likes to have a light grip on your wrist when hes leading you through crowded hallways of the school

- he introduced you to his bestfriends and roommates, mikasa and eren, and they were really accepting !! (they already could tell armin liked you even if he didnt know himself)

- you start developing feelings for him about two months after you exchanged numbers, and you honestly felt really weird

- because this beautiful boy whos so sweet and kind and intelligent is like,, wayyyy out of your league

- armin thinks the exact same thing

- he thinks youre so cool and fun to be around, you always have the best stories to tell and are so welcoming,, its HARD not to fall for someone like you !!

- finally he gets up the courage to ask if you can come to his apartment

- and there he confesses 😳💥‼️

- you sit there shocked for a couple seconds too long because now hes freaking out like "im so sorry i didnt wanna seem creepy i just wanted to tell you how i felt you can leave or i can walk you home- wait you probably wouldnt want that but-"

- you just kind of grab his shoulders and start shaking him. before you tell him you like him too.

- the apples of his cheeks turn pink before he smiles and gives you such a tight hug !!

- hes immediately planning a date with you for when youre both free

- takes you to the local aquarium 🤩 and kisses you in front of the moon jellies (u know those big tanks with the jellyfish that are like glow in the dark ?? and the whole hallway is pitch black except for the lights from the tank ?? yeah ❤️ he kissed you THERE and it was beautiful)

- has chapped lips 😐 sorry i dont make the rules

- has a habit of picking them when hes working or lost in thought

- doesnt mean you stop kissing him tho

- is the kind of guy that will genuinely get worried if you send an "sos" type message. gets out of his own class just to speedwalk (he isnt gonna break the rules and run in the halls 🙄) and come to your class just to see if youre okay

- looks at you like 😐 when you explain you just need him to get you an iced coffee from that shitty coffee place in the cafeteria

- does it anyway even though hes annoyed 😌✨

- will grumble about paying him back for the five dollars he just spent on you while you kiss him over and over again in thanks

- doesnt let you pay him back though smh 🙄

- loves to give back hugs

- will do it while youre working, or while youre doing the dishes

- if youre shorter than him he'll rest his head on your and just smell your hair

- if youre taller than him hes shoving his face inbetween your shoulder blades

- is such a lightweight drunk its not even funny

- none of his friends are tbh 🙄

- the first time you saw him drunk was when eren dragged you guys out to a party their friend was hosting (literally interrupted your cuddle time in armins bed to THROW OFF THE BLANKETS and say "you guys are coming with me 😁👍" and when you two said no he TURNED ON THE LIGHTS and ruined the vibe 😐 fucking asshole)

- anyways you two had to change back into your clothes at 9pm just to go to a shitty party that was gonna get busted by the cops anyways 😔💔

- you couldnt find him through the sea of people, and u got really worried until armin called you

- it was not armin on the other line 😁👍

- he said his name was reiner ?? and he said he was with armin bc he puked while playing beer pong

- the guy tells you where they are and you go to find them. theyre sitting on this couch in a backroom and theres only like,, five people in total there ??

- armin is SOBBING while reiner is trying to get him to drink water

- "reiner you dont get it,,, theyre so beautiful. i cant compete. i dont even think theyd wanna be with me. and you have to see them talk about their major. theyre so smart you dont understand." "okay buddy lets just finish this water okay ?"

- armin is leaning his shoulder on this GIANT of a man just going on about how much he loves you and how amazing he finds you. until you tap his shoulder. and then he realizes youve been listening this entire time. and then he starts crying because he doesnt want you to find him weird. and then you have to explain to him that you two are dating. where he doesnt believe you still.

- eren ends up giving you the keys to his car and saying "ill just call you when i need a ride back" and reiner CARRIES armin to the car 😭😭😭

- hes a real gentleman 😁👍

- that morning armin remembers EVERYTHING and is MORTIFIED

- calls reiner immediately like "did people see me puke ? oh god am i gonna be talked about ?"

- has very vivid dreams and remembers all of them ?? will literally tell you about a dream he had when he was five and WILL NOT forget a detail. its weird

- his family actually doesnt seem like they like you 😳 not because they dont theyre just very,, quiet people...... except for his grandfather

- doesnt even care who you are to armin, will pull you down on the couch with him to tell you about all his research and findings as an archeologist (before he retired)

- if youre ever feeling sad about anything, whether that be stress, family problems, or body image issues, armins taking you to his place 😁👍

- he'll cuddle you and whisper how much he loves you while you two are watching something on his laptop

- has acne scars on his shoulders. dont make fun of him for it pls

- loves getting back scratches though, the tingles make him feel really calm

- if you have like,, makeup brushes and stuff he likes it when you brush his face with them, no product or anything but the tingles he gets from it 🤤

- over time his parents warm up to you quiet a bit, and when his mom shows you baby photos and from him as a kid youre SHOCKED.

- he had this little bob cut from when he was ten to his teens 🥺🥺🥺🥺

- when you two are walking back home or wherever you cant help but go on about how cute he was and how healthy and pretty his hair looked (not that its not healthy or pretty now) and he just giggles before pulling you into his side and kissing your cheek while saying "okay baby, ill grow it out just for you then"

- also loves the petnames baby, angel, and love

- will gladly let you steal his sweaters. has a really nice knit one that his grandma made him before she died. that ones off limits.

- doesnt like to fight, but when he feels like hes in the right he wont hesitate to yell back when youre yelling at him

- just dont yell at him pls, it makes him sad

- it takes him a while (and by a while i mean like 30 minutes at most) before his texting you asking if you guys can talk about it

- its really easy for you two to make up, and immediately hes hugging you and just asking if you wanna do something with him

- also, cuts his own hair ?? and would cut yours if you asked. mikasa vouches for him "yeah he trims my hair all the time. why ?"

- every year on your anniversary hes taking you to the aquarium. and he always kisses you as softly as he did the very first time, in the dark hallway of the moon jellyfish tank ✨

a/n

THATS ITTT !!! thanks again for requesting !! i hope you all enjoyed. remember asks are open !! u dont have to request headcanons either !!! go crazy friends !!

[cicinicole-14]

Hi for the ship thing and headcanons, please do jolex 🥰

Who is a night owl:

dont get me wrong, they both most definitely will stay up late together or both pass out before 9pm on a Friday night, but some days when the depression hits, its jsut different and Jo is definitely more of the night owl. Alex is more of a morning person and Jo would rather sleep like the dead. 

Who is a morning person:

as we’ve discovered, more so Alex esp when they have kiddos. Alex is the one to get up with them early and let Jo sleep, he makes breakfast with the kids’ help and keeps their room quiet for jo to get some extra sleep but will unleash their evil spawns when he deems she’s slept in long enough. 

Are they cuddlers:

some days, yes, mostly. jo definitely loves the affection from someone who genuinely loves and wants her back. but there are days where she literally is like “do not come near me with your (temperature) hot body Alexander Michael Karev, you are a heater and I am already too warm” 

Who is the big spoon and who is the little spoon:

Alex is def the big spoon. Jo likes cuddling into him because sh feels safe, he feels like home. but she def has big spooned him too it’s a 50/50 relationship we have equal roles people

What is their favourite sleeping position:

no lie, both spread out like starfish in their bed. 

Who steals all the blankets: 

Jo. Alex is a space heater and doesnt need blankets she freezes and likes being snuggled up and warm

What they wear to bed:

I mean some nights, nothing, but like jo def loves Alex’s old Iowa state shirts or his wrestling shirts from HS that smell like him. an old worn in t-shirt, anything with a pair of booty shorts or his boxers even. and Alex will just wear a t-shirt and boxers or flannels in the winter. 

Who likes seeing the other wearing their t-shirt:

Alex wholeheartedly loves when jo wears his shirts unless its his favorite flannel and she steals it “come on, jo. you know that’s my favorite one. I wear it all the time.” its exactly why she takes it. 

Who falls asleep mid-conversation:

jo, unintentionally. sometimes the insomnia hits and she won’t have slept for a couple days so when life catches back up to her she will fall asleep randomly. even more so while pregnant and right after their daughter is born. she just “night night Josephine” 

Who wakes up in the middle of the night with nightmares:

they both have their fair share of horrid nightmares. Alex’s deal a lot with his trauma of growing up. his mom pulling various knives on his siblings and dad attacking them. even nightmares of jo leaving him like Izzie did and he wakes up without her. 

jo’s are terrifying as well. she dreams that Paul’s death was just an illusion and that hes still out there and he’ll still come and get her. she wakes up drenched in a cold sweat and Alex holds her and they pull up his death certificate on the gsm database to prove it. she also has nightmares about being abandoned again. dreams of herself as a baby, dreams of her mother leaving her at that firestation. horrid nightmares. and Alex just holds her. she also has many nightmares about Alex abandoning her too just like her mother abandoned her but he’s never done that he’s always there when she wakes up and everything is okay again

Who accidentally punched the other in their sleep:

jo is an absolute horrible bed partner. she does NOT sleep still. she will move around so much during sleep its dangerous. yes, Alex did wake up with a bruise across his cheek one night from an elbow to the face...

Who can’t keep their hands to themself:

both of them. theyre notorious horndogs no autocorrect they are not corndogs please stop correcting me when you’re wrong 

and just because, im throwing in the parenting meme one too bc my heart melts

packs the lunches

Alex. he gets up with the kids in the mornings and also we do not trust jo to make their children food. she’d feed them boxed Mac n cheese and take out the entirety of their lives. and while they love that and Alex wouldn’t care if it was jsut them, their kids need real food. he packs them lunchables and uncrustables but at least its a little more of a variety. 

blows raspberries while cuddling

jo, more so. they both do, but jo LOVES a good chunky baby belly she can blow raspberries onto. and yes she leaves maroon lipstick marks on chubby cheeks and bellies. 

is the tickle monster

Alex. and she runs to mommy to save her from daddy! “oh, now you want mommy, huh? as soon as daddy is the tickle monster all you want is mommy? not when I wanted cuddles, or we picked you up from daycare or I dont know, I gave birth to you and wanted snuggles you cry and want daddy but now hes the tickle monster you want me?” and jo scoops her up and tries saving her but ultimately they lose and get attacked in their very large bed by the tickle monster. 

gives life lesson speeches

they both do just depending on the situations. 

when the girls start dating, jo sits them all down separately, and explains to them a bit of her past. letting them know that no man should ever lay hands on them. she teaches them how to defend themselves and Alex ofc shows them in example how women should be treated. Alex makes it clear that if a guy or girl ever should treat his daughters or his son in any other way than he treats jo, that he needs to know and gOD forbiD one of them lay a finger on one of his children there WILL be hell to pay. jo obviously consoles him in front of her children but tells him “u already have a record. if anyone lays hands on our children I will be putting them in the ground not you”

kisses the boo-boos

Alex he is a pushover and 100% makes sure all boo-boos are kissed and even when the kids are way too old for having their boo-boos kissed, he makes sure the bandaids that are no longer avengers or dinosaur or unicorn or princess themed, have been properly kissed. even through protests of “dad, im not five anymore I dont need my bandaids kissed” “how do you expect them to heal, then, CJ? you’re my most clumsy kid, and I have had to kiss all your boo-boos and never once have I not. thats why you’re still in once piece” 

breaks the bad news

jo makes Alex do it most times. she claims she’s the fun parent and tries to stay the fun parent by making Alex break bad news like “we cannot get another dog” she blames it on Alex but then brings home a puppy the following week. 

joins the PTA

listen. LISTEN. when Greyson started big kid school, in kindergarten, they placed her in private school to give her everything they didnt have growing up. jo was determined to make sure she gave her daughter everything made sure she felt loved and was spoiled it was terrible. so jo, of course, sent her to Seattle Elementary academy and was not paying attention when she signed some forms signing up to be in the PTA. she loathed it so much and “Alex im sorry I cant do this. I know we wanted to give Gracie everything we didnt have growing up but I cant take it I cant take the private school. the volunteer hours the strict dress code violations? she is FIVE. I also have to volunteer FORTY HOURS this year alone. no! I am a surgeon, a mother of two and im pregnant! I do not have time for this! all these PTA moms are stay at home moms who have nothing better to do than gossip about their neighbors and drink wine. and I swear to god if I have to hear about Jessica’s fucking essential oils pyramid scheme one more time I will shove those oils so far up her a––” “Jo! Look, Ali, mommy’s here!” Alex interrupts her just in time. he doesnt blame her. those private school moms are quiet the handful. every time, one of them has the nerve to hit on him. “and I swear, if one more of those moms hits on you in front of me, im going to backhand her with my engagement ring on. no hate to most of them, but theyre too much” they end up ending Gracie, and Ali and the rest of the kids to public school just like they had grown up in and did just fine. 

crashes sleepovers with embarrassing stories

oh one hundred and ten percent Alexander Michael Karev. he will find any moment to break out embarrassing stories and photos. hell, even when Zola, Bailey, ellis, Sofia, Harriet, scout, any of the bunch come over he’ll embarrass them too!  

gives the crazy nicknames

not really either of them (that ive figured out in the moment) (the kkc kids do not have crazy nicknames yet) (we jsut have Gracie for Greyson, Ali for Alice, and CJ for Cristina Jo. Alexis goes by Sissy because of Alexis and Alexa and Eli usually goes by bubba seeing as how that’s what the twins have called each other growing up with Izzie and that stuck) 

thank you so much for these! I loved loved loved doing them! even threw in some KKC universe things so if yall have questions about that feel free to ask I will share! tho there is yet to have a fic out about them yet… its been a bit difficult with writers block /: 

[loveisbraveandwild]

hii, i’m new to the fandom and i was wondering if you could give me some tips on how to grow my account 🥺🥺💓

post original content! this can be anything- deep txt posts, funny txt posts, good memes, gifs, typo edits! whatever

use tags! especially if u make edits- tswiftedit is the edit tag but i also go through tags for songs so if its a text post or edit abt cruel summer tag cruel summer !

send asks!!!!!!!!! this is the biggest piece of advice i would give anyone! when ppl send me asks i get to know them! dm is kinda awkward and i am bad at responding!! if u send asks u can start convos in the comments or continue to send asks. if i recognize a url from my asks im also more likely to respond to dms

comment on posts!! u can also add on when u reblog but i prefer to just talk in the comments. this can be on anything but especially personal posts. if a friend posts abt something thats sucky going on i’ll comment a heart and be like ‘ily!’ if someone posts coming funny and a litte crackhead-y i’ll be like “hahahahah madie [using her as example b/c she deserves it lol] wtf”

which brings me to my next point- use ppls names and make sure ur name is visible on ur acc! its so personal and makes ppl feel heard especially cause online can sometimes feel impersonal

also i like when ppl r personal and themselves! ur blog doesnt have to be only taylor, i know u have other interests! if i had a dollar for everything i posted abt little women or bon appetit hahaha i also like when ppl r just like “im making such and such for dinner” it adds a personal flair, especially if u dont want to give info thats too personal ya know

and then the obvious- stay active! i know things get crazy and busy but i dont like when ppl r only active when theres new content or when taylor is online! the mornings r typically pretty dry but things get fun around 8/9pm est and last until abt 1/3am est! theyre my favorite hrs in the fandom and an opportunity to be urself and just have fun !

also this is a mindset thing but if ure focused on notes, followers, notices- basically numbers- it wont be as fun! i used to be so focused on this and it was bad and ended up having to leave for a bit. just hang out, make friends, and be urself :)

this got very long but its the most advice that i can give!!! i know it sounds like a lot but honestly if u just hang out and stay active all this stuff will hopefully become natural!!! pls dont hesitate of ask more questions!!! oh and welcome to the fandom!!! happy to have u :)

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Unexpected Arrival -5

Pairing: Eventual Bucky x Reader, Possible Steve x Reader

Summary: As if working with the Avengers wasn’t exciting enough…. an unexpected visitor is about to change your life forever.

A/N- If you would like to be tagged in this just drop my ask/message and i will add you ⭐️

Switching off the TV i got out of bed and stretched feeling my body crack in various places, i quickly checked on Evie who was fast asleep in her rocker before grabbing the baby monitor and heading to the kitchen for some tea and something to eat.

"Hey" Bucky says from the sofa startling me, it was nearly 9pm and i thought he'd still be out on his date.

"Hey" i replied quietly as i continued making my tea and grabbing some food.

"Where's Evie?"

"Sleeping in my room"

"You sure she's okay by herself...."

"She's fine" i nodded looking at the baby monitor that had a huge screen showing my sleeping baby girl "take a look for yourself" i pushed it closer to him.

"Did stark make this?"

"Of course!"

It was suddenly so quiet, you could of heard a pin drop!

"So why are you still here? Thought you had a hot date?"

"I never wanted to go on that stupid date. I kept trying to tell Sam that but you know what his like"

"Right"

"I just wanted to be here, spend more time with you and Evie. But you've been locked away in your room for hours"

"Sorry, i feel asleep" i shrugged "then i watched a movie, i didn't know you were still here and i didn't want the team fussing...." i lied, i couldnt tell him that the truth was i had been sitting in my room crying over him!! I finished making my tea and poured out a cup of black coffee for Bucky knowing he would never turn down coffee.

"Here" i gave him a quick smile as i placed the steaming hot mug on the table in front of him. As i turned to go back into the kitchen Bucky reached forward taking my hand stopping me from leaving.

"Hey...."

"What?"

"Are you really okay?"

"Im fine" i nodded forcing a smile, i could already tell by the look on his face he wasnt buying it.

"Come here" he pulled me down next to him pulling me into his side so that i was curled up against his chest "you know you can talk to me"

"You sound like Steve" i mumbled rolling my eyes.

"Steve? When did you talk to Steve?"

"Earlier, he came by to check on me"

"Oh"

"He heard me crying and let himself in i didn't invite him in"

"Crying? Why were you crying?" He asked looking down at me with worried eyes.

"Im just hormonal, I'm literally crying at everything. Im a mess right now...."

"Thats understandable after what you've been through doll, it'll get better soon. Its not even been 24 hrs yet"

"Yeah i know" i nodded in agreement giving him a small smile.

"That why you got pissy about the whole date thing?" He suddenly asked making my heart start to race.

"Honestly? I don't know.... part of me was angry that you'd even consider going on that date when i had just given birth to your daughter. Then you said you felt like you need to be here, i wanted you to want to be here for her. I don't want to feel like me and Evie are ruining your life"

"What?? Y/N how could you ever think you and Evie ruin my life??" He looked down at me like i was crazy "You have given me the best thing I've ever had in my life. I know we didn't plan for this to happen but, I'm happy it did. And I'm glad that it was with you"

My head fell against his chest in an attempt to hide the fact i was crying again!!

"Doll..... are you crying?"

"Yes okay! I cant help it!" I moaned then we both started laughing at what a mess i was.

"I should get back to Evie, i don't want to leave her alone for too long" i said finally pulling myself out of Bucky's arms.

"Can i come and say goodnight? Is that okay?"

"Of course it is, you don't need permission Buck" i smiled at him before grabbing my tea and some chips and heading back to my room.

Evie was just waking up and starting to cry when we walked into my room, Bucky was straight over there lifting her into his arms.

"There's my girl" he cooed quietly, he loved her so much already it was clear from the way he looked at her, Evie instantly curled up against his neck and started falling asleep again.

"Come and sit down with her Buck, you cant stand there all night" i nodded to the empty side of the bed. He nodded before walking over and sitting next to me, as he got comfy i started a movie on Netflix and opened my chips leaving the bag between us so he could have some if he wanted.

"If i fall asleep wake me up at 3am for her feed" i said to Bucky like it was something we did all the time.

"Sure doll" he smiled down at me before his eyes focused back on the TV.

Bucky woke me up at 3am as promised for Evie's feed, I don't even remember much of it to be honest, i felt like a zombie most of the time since having her. It became a regular thing over the next couple of days, Bucky would stay in my room with us and wake me up when it was time to feed Evie then we'd wake up cuddled up with Evie sleeping in her basket at the side of the bed. I could almost fool myself into thinking we more than two friends who had a baby together.

Waking up this morning i found myself alone in bed and Evie's basket empty, Bucky would probably be out in the common room with her letting me get some more rest. As i sat up i felt the front on my top was wet and looked down to see my breasts had been leaking!

"Really....this is just fantastic!" I groaned throwing back the covers and getting up, my breasts were hurting and feeling so full i could cry! I grabbed Bucky's hoodie that was on the back of my chair and went off to find Evie.  When i got to the common room Bucky was sat alone reading on the sofa, i looked around but there was no sign of Evie.

"Buck, where's Evie??" I asked needing to know where my baby was.

"Steve and Nat have taken her for a walk outside, trying the new stroller Tony made"

"Shit..." i muttered shifting uncomfortably "okay" i nodded before quickly heading to the room next to mine that was currently being decorated for Evie's nursery. I started rummaging through the many boxes looking for what i needed, i remember seeing one here somewhere!!

"Doll, what are you doing?" Bucky asked from the doorway, i turned to see him casually leaning against the door frame watching me.

"Looking for something....."

"What? If you tell me i can help you"

"I need the breast pump.... like now!"

"Why? Are you okay...."

"This is why!" I quickly opened the hoodie showing him my wet top, Bucky's eyes went wide and he actually blushed a little.

"i cant wait for them to bring Evie back, it hurts too much! I need to do this now"

"Okay, go wait in the bedroom i'll find it"

When i heard Bucky come back a couple minutes later i had already shed my wet top and was standing in sweatpants and my lilac nursing bra Nat had gone out to buy me.

"Shit sorry! I should have knocked" Bucky mumbled turning around quickly.

"Come on Buck its not like you haven't seen me in less" i rolled my eyes at him reaching for the box in his hand.

"My god how does this thing even work!!" I yelled getting frustrated with the damn thing.

"Let me see, just try and calm down" he said taking the pump and reading the instructions.

"I have no idea.... this is talking about nipple sizes!" Bucky said looking horrified shaking his head at me.

"Having this baby has left me with no dignity at all! pass me one of those bottles..." i pointed at one of the bottles that attaches to the pump "Bruce and Tony have literally seen everything! And now this!" I said taking the bottle from Bucky and turning my back to him while i unclasped the cup of my bra.

"Ow ow ow!" I cried as i tried to put pressure around my nipple "this is ridiculous!" My head dropped as i started crying at how hopeless i felt.

"Hey come on now, you can do this" Bucky said from behind me, i hadn't even noticed he was that close until i felt his chest against my back, his hands resting on my stomach.

"Do you want me to.... i could try and...."

"Im already humiliated Buck" i shook my head at him. I rested my head back against his chest and closed my eyes trying to calm myself down. When i felt Bucky's hands slowly moving up from my stomach to cup my breasts my eyes flew open, my heart racing.

"Bucky...."

"Shhh just relax" he whispered as his hands started to massage my breasts.... god he was good with his hands! I let my eyes fall closed again as i felt myself relaxing.

"You feeling okay?" He mumbled close to my ear.

"Yeah it feels better actually" i replied opening my eyes, i looked down to see Bucky holding the bottle in his metal hand whilst his right continued putting pressure in all the right places on my breast.....The bottle already filling slowly.

"This is so embarrassing..... i feel like a cow!" I moaned, Bucky just chuckled and kissed the side of my head "Thank you" i said quietly, as embarrassed as i was right now i was so grateful that he had helped me with this.

"No problem doll".

"You know this is a good thing, i get to help feed Evie now!" Bucky called through to me while i was in the bathroom cleaning up and getting in fresh clothes.

"I'll try and work that thing out so i can express too. That way you can feed her more"

"Thanks" he beamed at me at i came back out into the bedroom "you feeling okay now?"

"Yeah I'm good" i smiled "embarrassed but I'm okay"

Bucky pulled me into his arms and held me tight, his hands gently rubbing up and down my back.

"You have nothing to be embarrassed about sweetheart" he mumbled "we make a pretty good team you and me"

"Yeah we do. We always did though, thats how we got here Buck" i laughed thinking back to that mission in Alaska, we had been paired for that mission for that exact reason.

"Thats right, Steve said we were perfect for the job because we worked well together..... maybe we worked together a little too well" he said putting his arm around my shoulders "I mean, what are the chances that the one time i get you into bed i get you pregnant!"

"Must be those damn super sperm of yours!" I rolled my eyes at him.

"Must be" he chuckled "come on lets go find our girl".

Taglist:

@booktease21

@founding-fuck-bois

@whynot3027

@xpunishedx

@siren-queen03

[awholedamnmeal]

thank god for friends who can handle small talks

it was 9pm and the movie finished later than i thought it would. i just got back from bandung to jakarta that day and i had been working for hours (on a sunday!!!) before seeing the movie. so you see, i was tired. then came the online taxi driver taking me home and he had a lot to say.

“do you think this is the right turn? i don’t want to miss the u-turn, i think this is it. oh yeah yeah the u-turn’s right there. i thought we missed it, that’s why i turned left to go back around the building, you know? turns out it’s here. it gets confusing around here with all the construction going on.”

i had lived in jakarta for less than a year, i didn’t know every u-turn so excuse me for being unhelpful.

“oh thank god there’s no traffic jam right now. the traffic’s usually crazy here. it would take an hour just to go a few hundred meters.”

i knew the traffic was usually crazy there. but i didn’t care enough to notice there was less traffic that day. nor to chat about it.

“you know i usually don’t pick up passengers from this mall. because of the traffic. other drivers say the rate is usually higher if you do pick-ups here but i’d rather not. i mean, the difference in rates isn’t even all that much anyway, so i usually just go to other parts of the city with less traffic.”

i was not at all invested in this conversation.

i have a whole thing with small talks. it has always been something i struggle with. every time a stranger or someone i don’t know well strikes up a conversation with me, i freeze and lose my words. i just go through the motions; nodding, saying “ahh” and “ohhh” on cue, and providing short answers to their questions. and then i feel my energy leaving me like purple galaxy crunch slime slipping through my fingers, except it’s not satisfying and you can’t ASMR it.

i’ve been thinking about this a lot. it’s not that i’m shy or quiet. i’m talkative with people i know (i even have a tendency of saying too much and regretting it later but let’s not talk about that). so what, pray tell, is wrong with me??? i want to change. i want to fix this. mind you, it’s not like i enjoy being a conversation assassin. i would like to be able to exchange personal trivia with a stranger and not feel like i have to recharge myself with a 5-hour nap afterwards.

i’ve done a thousand years of soul searching and i’ve over analyzed every awkward small talk encounters i’ve had and i think it comes down to two things:

1. either i genuinely don’t care enough about what the other party is saying

“so where are you from?”

“bandung”

“wow im from bandung too!”

yes, just like a couple million other people..

2. or i think a friend i’m with is more interesting to talk to so i’ll just shut up

this is what happened that day in the taxi. i was with astrid. she handles small talks like a seasoned professional. she responded enthusiastically, and asked questions in return (though i’d assume anyone with normal social DNA would be able to do the same). all the way home, all i had to do was think about what to order in for dinner.

but knowing why i clam up when it comes to small talks is only the first step in my journey to becoming a small talk guru. now i have to actually like making small talks.

i’ve tried self-help books (which i think are the biggest scams on earth but i tried anyway), wikihelp articles, blogs, and youtube videos. but those things and my small-talk-phobic lame ass are like online petitions and world problems: the former does jack shit to solve the latter. so i tried faking it and just copying what my small talk savvy friends do. i feigned interest and asked questions.

“how long have you been a driver for?”

“about 2 years now. i’ve been on and off though”

“i see... uhmm... uhhhhhh...... how has it been like..?”

“oh you know, it has its ups and downs. sometimes i get crazy customers, or have to drive them somewhere super far.”

“oh.. right...... haha.... uhmm...”

a mosquito listening to me in the car kicked the bucket that day. coroner’s report: frustration. RIP.

fear not, i have not given up.

recently, i went to this public speaking workshop at my mom’s request. it didnt just teach me about public speaking, it also taught me how to conduct one-on-one communication. to be frank, it had a lot of pseudoscience bullshit. but surprisingly there were also a few useful tips. like it had a whole exercise routine you can do to help ease communication (more on this workshop in a separate post, hopefully out by 2045), which has opened me up a little bit to small talks. the thought of a taxi driver asking things other than “is this the right way?” or “do you want to get off here?” doesn’t really make me cringe with dread anymore.

but i’ve still got a long way to go.

ultimately i think what’s holding me back is this voice in my head telling me how redundant and somewhat dangerous small talks are. why would a stranger want to know where i’m from anyway? or whether i’m studying or working? or how old i am? what would they do with that information? after all, that public speaking workshop did also talk about communicating with purpose and meaning what you say. if you dont really mean to know where i’m from and you’re just asking for the sake of filling the silence, then why bother? or do you have ill intentions towards me?

i mean, i’m willing to make small talks when necessary but i still believe the world would be a better place if people would just mind their own business...

alas, the world is still full of invasive extroverts.

and until the day i can hold a conversation with that taxi driver like i can with a close friend, i still need all the astrid’s of the world to cover for me.

[sleepy-and-anxious]

I really want to know all of the different aesthetic ask things but I really don’t have the energy to pretend to be 5 different anons😬

Because its you, and only for you, I will answer every question I haven’t already answered because I hate myself U W U 

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

Saturday afternoon in the car on the way back from wales!!! I sang Drumming Song by florence and the machine 

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

Eh! I went for cocktails with my uni friends the day or so before I left and I got a little rubber duck in the cocktail and we all had a really lovely time. I paid for everyones drinks so that people weren’t worried about spending money and it was just a really really happy night uwu 

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

I’d take more chances and sit down more often to write my wip ideas down!

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

Kinda? Publish a book, get all the tattoos on my list, meet a lot of my internet friends! 

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

Not particularly - but I think I did okay with what I was given.  

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

uhhhhhh.... yesterday? I cried in front of my mum. 

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

Always. I hate small talk but deep talks im g o o d with. 

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

uhhh.... most likely @notanotherhour because I was snapchatting him when I couldn’t sleep at like 4:30 am on saturday. 

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?

A D O R A B L E 10/10 YUMMY

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

A Charismatic Loner ft Too Much Cake 

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

Uh... buy a flat? Save it? Travel? 

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

I’d like to think i am? I think I could always be more forgiving. 

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

I don’t need 100 words i’d just need a few: 

“Keep going; theres light at the end of the tunnel even if you wont see it for a while.” 

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

p u n k 

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

j’adore both

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

I wear a bit of makeup? I usually fill in my brows, wear eyeshadow, eyeliner and mascara. Sometimes i’ll wear foundation, but I find it uncomfortable a lot of the time. But if I am wearing foundation then I will usually go a contour and highlight too. 

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

Be fucking kind to each other

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

Oh damn okay so: 

Kerrang! tour: Fearless Vampire Killers, Tonight Alive, Chiodos, Black Veil Brides. my first concert! it was a friends 13th birthday and she wanted me to come with her! I went for tonight alive and ended up in love with chiodos! 

Pierce The Veil: I still adore. This was my favourite. small emo me was living. 

Paloma Faith: I c o n i c  

Fall Out Boy: amazing! I bought tickets for my two best friends. 

One Ok Rock: “SENPAI NOTICE ME!” taka: “wait- Senpai?”  legendary moment 

Twenty One Pilots: one of the most amazing live performances i’ve seen. A r t i s t s. 

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

Chaotic organisation is my shit. I know where everything is but its rarely neat. 

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?

Depends. usually, unless im going out im winding down at approx 9pm... sometimes earlier. I usually read or watch netflix at this time. Sometimes I have too much energy and can be found going absolutely bat shit crazy and dancing around my room with my earphones in. Then by 11/midnight im usually in bed scrolling through social media or reading! 

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

Okay, so i’ve been dying my hair since I was like 13 but uhh my hair is now died black and styled in a long asymmetrical bob with an undercut. I’m really digging the style, but I might consider going a lighter colour again soon.  

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

Never gotten high, but i’m usually just a really flirty drunk. So maybe some fluttered eyelashes at other people but nothing more than that . 

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

hmmm one song would probably be one of the songs i mentioned in the bands question in another ask... I wouldn’t know about only seeing one person o3o 

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.

Yeah, I think so. Its a comforting feeling where your stomach does summersaults and you find yourself smiling/blushing uncontrolably when thinking about them 

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

I’m not sure... I’d love to rock short hair but I don’t think I have the right face shape for it! 

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

skinny hazelnut latte (iced or regular depending on how warm it is)! Uh, my uni friends, my ex and the starbucks baristas back in wales bc they know my order by heart lmfao

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

my freedom, the ability to create things and all the possibilities I have now. 

[wongpuppy]

LONELY II, jung jaehyun

↳ Rating angst + fluff

↳ Pairing idol!Jaehyun x Y/N

↳ Word count  3.5k [ part I + part II ]

↳ Summary idol!Jaehyun needs a drink and you were more than he could’ve ever asked for in a random bar

Jaehyun: let me know when youre down! @4:26pm

Y/n: hey i just parked across the street!! @4:34pm

Jaehyun: great :) ill be down in a sec @4:35pm

You leave your car and gulp nervously. Its been almost two weeks since Jaehyun stumbled into your bar but a couple days since the two of you last hung out.

Your stomach fills up with butterflies at the thought.

The two of you texted everyday, as much as you could (Jaehyun even getting into the bad habit of sleeping much later due to your insomnia) and hung out twice.

The first time was innocent and cute, at a hidden spot in the park. Jaehyun brought a couple of sandwiches and you brought a few blankets and the both of you had a picnic a little after 4pm. It was really cute, especially watching Jaehyun’s ears redden whenever you gushed about his idea to do the picnic and how he remembered and brought your favorite strawberry milk.

The two of you chatted like old friends, talking about pretty much everything you didn’t cover in the bar or through the phone. You talked a lot about the both of your childhoods, and you could hear the love he had for his parents all the way from the moon. It made your teeth stay clamped down on your bottom lip, failing to stop a huge smile.

The second time, however, was almost completely different. It was around 9pm when Jaehyun texted you asking if you were doing anything. ‘Just made dinner and gonna watch a movie why?’ You replied. You take a sharp inhale when his reply comes a second later asking if he could join.

⇝⇝⇝

You had just moved in and even if it was a newly renovated and you actually loved it, the studio apartment was just tiny. The large room was tall and cut into two levels, the first floor overlooking the bottom. The studios first floor squeezed in a laundry room, guest bathroom, and a kitchen which led downstairs to where your bed, bathroom, and makeshift living room was.

You shake off the blush that threatens to bloom when you type out ‘yeah of course’. You quickly type your address and hit send before you could chicken out. You put your phone down and audibly squeal, dancing to yourself. 

In the speed of light, you dash around your apartment and tidy up, picking up random misplaced items. Fluffing up the pillows on the couch and setting a blanket on one of the couches side arm, you couldn’t help but be nervous about having Jaehyun in your apartment. 

In a little over a week, the both of you kicked it off and immediately, you knew you had an enormous crush on the guy. With the constant texting, the picnic, and even ‘good morning love :)’ and ‘hope you get enough sleep tonight’ texts, it all really got to your head and well, your heart. But being in your apartment alone with him was a step towards something foreign, and even if the two of you met in the bar alone, being in your apartment was more, well, intimate. 

You were thankful that the Mongolian beef you made was actually a meal for two, putting it in a big bowl along with a separate bowl for rice and two plates.

 You jump when you hear a knock on the door.

“Hey Y/N.” You pull open the door and catch yourself from sighing dreamily when Jaehyun stands in your doorway with a dimpled smile and hands in his pockets. “Thanks for letting me come over kind of late, practice ended and I didn’t have anything to do.”

You step aside to let him in and blush lightly when he walks in and looks around. “Its no problem, I made a lot of food and I didn’t think I could finish it all myself.”

“It smells really good so I wouldn’t have blamed you if you did.” Jaehyun throws you a toothy grin that makes your heart flip. “Your apartments very cozy, I like it.”

You catch the way his eyes look around the space more, almost admiring it. You grin and pull out chopsticks and a massive spoon for the rice. “Thank you, you should see it in the daytime. That wall has a huge window and the view is pretty nice.”

Jaehyun looks towards the wall of your apartment that had curtains drawn together. He smiles back at you. “I’ve always wanted my own apartment.” His eyes scan the kitchen island and nods at the bowls and plates. “Is that the food? Here, I’ll get that for you.”

He goes for the massive bowl of Mongolian beef and the plates before you can stop him. You thank the gods your mom wasn’t here, knowing your guest was carrying their own dinner in your house. 

“You’re my guest, Jaehyun, I can grab that. There’s a couch next to my bed downstairs, I already set up the Breakfast Club on the TV.” You reach out to take the bowl from his hands to which he tsk’s and walks towards the stairs.

“If I don’t help, it’ll take you two trips to get everything down and I’m a naturally nice guy, Y/N.” He turns to wink at you before walking down. “And how did you know I loved Breakfast Club?”

You take the bowl of rice and laugh, following him down. “I haven’t met a person that doesn’t like the Breakfast Club. And you’re probably the nicest guy I’ve met.”

“Thank you, love.” Jaehyun sets the tableware on the coffee table in front of the couch. “But I’m probably not, I’m very blunt and straightforward. And you should meet my friend Yuta, absolutely hates the movie for some reason.”

You cover up your fire engine red cheeks with laughter, setting the rice on the table. Jaehyun calling you love repeats on your mind over and over, making you feel slightly lightheaded.

You sit down and watch him take a plate and place heaping spoons of rice on a plate. You reach for the other plate and Jaehyun shakes his head. “I’ll do that, you just play the movie.”

Your movements stutter, never having someone else make your plate for you other than your parents. You always saw it as a sign of care, of love. He places the full plate in front of you and goes to make his plate, filling it up just as much as he did for you. You couldn’t help but feel a spread of warmth flow across your chest when you thank him and take the plate while he was still filling up his own. 

You felt so comfortable in that moment, with Jaehyun and you watching a movie in your apartment, it all felt too natural. And he looked so good and comfortable too, dressed in a gray Adidas hoodie and dark gray tight fitting sweats. It was like he invented the word boyfriend material. 

Playing the movie, the two of you ate in silence after Jaehyun’s groan when he first tries your food. “This is so good, thank you, Y/N. I needed this.”

Theres chuckles and imitating scenes from the movie, empty plates, and stomachs full. You’re laughing with your head thrown back at something Jaehyun says, unaware that he’s looking at you with hearts in his eyes. You wipe a fake tear off the corner of your eye and Jaehyun beams at you.

And then it happens.

“You have something on the corner of your lip, here,” he extends his hand and reaches for your right cheek, cupping it before wiping the corner of your lip. “Let me get that for you.”

Never in your life would you have thought to find yourself in a situation as unique as this. A beautiful, gorgeous man in your living room holding your cheek. And his smile with the dimples looked so dreamy you could hear angels sigh.

You were shook from the inside out, frozen in front of him with crazy cherry red cheeks. You couldn’t help but stare at every inch of his face; feeling your heart beating so fast you thought it could rip through your chest at any point.

He looks at you with eyes slightly wide and with a nervous grin, he pulls his hand away and looks away with equally red ears. “Oh, I love this scene!”

The rest of the night goes on without a hitch but your cheeks might have been permanently red for the rest of it.

Three days later and he hasn’t mentioned anything about it. He was just acting as if nothing ever happened. So, you decide to do the same even though something between the two of you most definitely changed ever since it happened. 

This morning was like any other, made coffee and a yogurt and oatmeal, before getting ready to go to class. That was until your phone buzzed.

Jaehyun and you already talked once you woke up and he was supposed to be in the studio so when you saw his name flashed through your phone, you were a little confused.

Jaehyun: you have classes right? @8:43am

Y/N: yeah im leaving for them in 10 why? @8:45am

Jaehyun: when do you finish? I was hoping you were free to come over and meet some of the guys :) @8:46am

You could feel your heart pick up it’s pace. Jaehyun always talked about the guys, well the rest of the NCT members, like family. So it was okay for you to be feeling nervous.

Y/N: yeah sure! I finish at 12 :) @8:48am

Jaehyun: cool beans :) we’re finishing early so you can come anytime after 4 and its the same building you dropped me off the first time we met @8:50am

You grin like a crazy person at your phone. You giggle and couldn’t help but type and send ‘so romantic’.

Jaehyun: im just a naturally romantic guy Y/N @8:52am

⇝⇝⇝

Thats where you were mentally, but physically, you were walking up the stairs to the front of Jaehyun’s and the whole of NCT’s members apartments. Your knees wobble for a second at the thought of it. You couldn’t help but wonder what this meant, being a person who knows where they live and all the details about their lives. Did Jaehyun really trust you this much?

Before you reach the last step, the front glass doors open and Jaehyun walks into the bright, sunny light. You want to stop walking and awe at the sight, Jaehyun’s beaming smile competing with the sun. He looked magical in the sun and it felt like adrenaline was coursing through your veins looking at him. 

“Hey Y/N,” Jaehyun looks you up and down discreetly and you blush profusely. “You look great.”

“Jaehyun, always the gentleman.” You walk up to him and smile when he turns and holds his hand out for you to walk in front of him. He puts a cheeky hand to the small of your back.

“Gentleman’s my nickname, after all.” He nods at the guards behind the desk and they give the both of you a kind smile. He lowers his voice and gets close to you. “You can ask them if you want.”

You giggle and shake your head at him after. “You’re pretty lame, Jae.”

“I didn’t hear the third word in that so thank you, Y/N, you’re much prettier than I am.” He presses the 12 floor button in the elevator.

You blush and nudge him once the doors shut. “Any last tips about your friends? I don’t want them to hate me.”

Jaehyun feels his heart flutter looking at you right now with your bottom lip jutted out in a pout. He reaches out to pinch your cheek lightly. “I can assure you none of them will hate you. You’re too cute to have haters, Y/N, don’t worry about it.”

You laugh loudly and lean against the elevator railing. “You’re in a very good mood today, aren’t you.”

He just shrugs and continues to smile at you. “I guess you can say so, I did really well in the studio today.”

You straighten up a little. “I don’t ask you enough about that, I’m sorry-“

“Don’t worry about it.” He holds up a hand and tucks a hair behind your ear. “I don’t mind, its nice being able to talk about something other than kpop sometimes.”

You feel your cheeks flare up as the elevator doors open to a small walkway and a door. Jaehyun leads you through and reaches into his pockets. “Shit.” He pulls out his phone and meekly smiles at you. “I forgot my keys, I’m gonna have to text one of the guys. Just one second sorry-“

“Hyung, I was wondering what was taking all this time.” The door opens wide to a boy a little shorter than you with deep golden skin and dark red hair. He holds his hand out to you with a grin. “Y/N, I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“My lovely roommate,” Jaehyun narrows his eyes on the boy for a second before looking back at you with a smile. “Donghyuck.”

You feel your cheeks redden slightly when you shake hands with him. “I hope only good things.”

“Oh, Y/N,” Donghyuck holds onto your hand with both of his. “The guy doesn’t shut u-“

“Okay! This way, Y/N, lets get out of the doorway? Yeah?” Jaehyun lightly nudges you inside and you can hear him hit Donghyucks shoulder. “Lets introduce you to Johnny and Doyoung.”

With that, he takes a hold of your hand and tugs you along the halls and towards a set of doors. The warmth from his hand soothing against your usual cold ones. He knocks on the second door from the right.

“I think we’re the only ones here, everyone else is either at the studio or practice rooms.”

Jaehyun lets go of your hand right when the door opens, showcasing a boy with sharp features. Jaehyun lays a hand on his shoulder and waves at the other guy on the top bunk. “Guys, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Doyoung and on the bed is Johnny.”

“Its nice to meet you.” Doyoung smiles at you and you smile back, appreciating his gummy smile. 

“Very nice to meet you, Y/N.” Johnny quickly jumps off the bed and runs a hand through his hair with a charming grin. “Johnny Seo.” 

“Y/F/N, nice to meet the both of you too.” You catch Jaehyun’s eyes and blush a little. “Jaehyun talks a lot about all of you.” 

“Oh, shit, really?” Donghyuck comes up from behind you with a raised eyebrow. Johnny reaches over and flicks his forehead. 

“No cursing under my roof.” 

“Oh, beep, really?” The younger boy repeats with an audible censoring. You laugh and nod a little. 

“Some of you have reasons to fear but I will not name names.” You crack your knuckles and sightly pat your own back, mentally. 

You were pushing your boundaries, something Jaehyun inspired out of you. When he told you about his stage and performance fright in the beginning of NCT and how he overcome it, you wanted to be able to do something like that. And Jaehyun encouraged you. 

Jaehyun puts a gentle hand on your back for a few seconds and gives you a great, big smile. 

Donghyuck on the other hand groans loudly in the background, complaining about how Hyung ‘always ruins his first impressions’. You quickly became closer to the three boys Jaehyun introduced you to, picking up on why Jaehyun loved them so much. 

And thats how the rest of the night went, until it was 10:43pm and just Donghyuck and you in the large living room. 

“With all serious, I’m glad I met you, you seem like a pretty nice person and you mean a lot to Jae.” You awe slightly at the younger boy with a small, shy smile. “You’ve helped Hyung a lot, he was in such a bad place around the time he went to your bar, I’m glad he bumped into you. He hasn’t been like that since.”

“Thank you, Hyuck.” You said in a quiet voice. But in your head, you really didn’t know what to come from what Donghyuck was telling you. He excuses himself after the both of you hear Jaehyun call him to the kitchen with him. 

In the living rooms quiet expanse, you can’t help but mull over Donghyuck’s words. 

You realize that in the two weeks since Jaehyun and you met, he’s never brought up being lonely except the night you met. And according to the guys, Jaehyun was going through a phase where he just wanted to be alone-felt like he should be alone. But up until two weeks ago, Jaehyun hung around the guys more and even when they had their girlfriends over. 

“Sorry that took so long, I just never made this before.” 

You turn to the sound of Jaehyun’s voice and for a moment, all your thoughts flash away and you’re back to being caught up in the real beauty of this guy. He has a shy smile with the left dimple sticking out more than his right, and when he talks, he subconsciously bites his lips in nervousness. 

He holds out two plates with two lava cakes on either one and a good amount of ice cream. You gush at the sight. “You remembered I liked lava cakes?” 

“Of course.” Jaehyun says as if it was nothing big. He sets the tray carrying it all on the coffee table. “But first, I kind of want to talk about something if thats okay with you.”

You immediately feel nervous, who doesn’t when they hear a sentence like that? You ignore the way you get goosebumps close to where Jaehyun sits next to you. “Yeah, sure, what’s up?” 

He turns to you and you can see him visibly swallow. He plays with the ends of his frayed hoodie. “I like you, Y/N. I realized a few days ago that I really do have feelings for you and they weren’t going to go.” 

You look at him with wide eyes, not expecting him to do this, now. As much as you felt your heart soar and the need for your arms to take him for a deep embrace; you had questions and you weren’t going to let yourself get into something without knowing all the factors. 

“I like you, too, Jaehyun. Like, like you. But,” you sigh and look anywhere but his eyes, “I don’t think you like me the same way I do.” 

He looks perplexed. His eyebrows are slightly pulled and his small fades as time went on. “What do you mean? I like, like you, too, Y/N. I wouldn’t call it love, now, but I have no doubt that I will if we keep talking-” 

“No, Jaehyun, I mean...” You reach for his hands and finally look into his eyes. “Do you have feelings for me or, well, theres no nice way to ask this. Is this just because the guys have girlfriends and you don’t?”

Ouch. You knew that came out a little more rough and harsh than you intended. So you mutter a curse and when you’re about to apologize, Jaehyun shakes his head and gives you an understanding smile.

“The first option, Y/N. When we first met, I was in a dark place, mentally. At the bar and when you dropped me off it was kind of like something sparked in me. I realized that I didn’t have to let that loneliness dictate my life, you know? The guys are still the guys whether or not their girlfriends were there and I wasn’t going to be lonely forever. So I stopped isolating myself, stopped drinking, hung out with the guys more. And I’ve never felt better. What I’m trying to say is, Y/N, you make me want to become a better person. You’ve helped me so much and you don’t even know it.” Jaehyun lightly facepalms himself and gives you an embarrassed smile. “I’m sorry, I need to stop rambl-“

And there, you took a leap. You took a massive leap and leaned over and kissed him. You never thought of yourself as a risk taker per se, but hearing the passion in his voice really did something to you.

His lips were soft and shocked frozen at first when your lips got into contact but then Jaehyun snaps out of it and closes his eyes and wow. His free hand reaches up to your cheek and whilst the other one is held tightly by both of yours.

It felt right, magical, intoxicating. Just like the movies described it.

One kiss turns to two, then three before Jaehyun pulls back slightly with a wide grin and low eyes. “Does this mean we’re dating?”

“Only if you want it to, too.”

“Of course I do, silly.” He gives you a too-quick kiss and you resist the urge to pull him back in. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

“Yes, Jae.” You reach your hands up to hold both of his cheeks. “I would love to be your girlfriend.”

[liliverse-ish]

Bʀᴇᴀᴋ Mʏ Hᴇᴀʀᴛ 🌙  preview pt 25

a/n: THERES A SECOND PART COMING TM AND THEN IMMA MERGE THEM AS ONE BUT I PROMISED TO POST TODAY AND I DIDNT GET TO FINISH BC I HAVE HW AND IVE BEEN BUSY W WORK BUT IM GOING TO FINISH TONIGHT ILLYYY

~тaeнyυng х reader

~ pt 25/??

~ birthday preview

~ prev ||  next

posts everyday at 9pm est

requests are open!

You giggle looking down at your phone seeing all your friends being a little dumb. Your birthday had finally arrived, usually you weren’t one for birthdays because they were just another regular day. At least that’s what they ended up feeling like since you had either school or work that took up most of your time.

Tae really put his all in celebrating your birthday this year. Buying gifts left and right; anything he thought that you’d enjoy he got. So far thing between the two of you really had gone well; it seemed things were getting somewhat serious. You spent almost every single day together, finding any free time to see each other and have little dates. Every time he was near your heart overflowed with love, you were falling in deep. It seemed, at least to you, his eyes were brighter, his smile sweeter, his touch a little warmer, and his heart a little softer.

With everyday that passed your feelings got stronger, and you were almost 100% sure you had fallen deeply, madly in love with Kim Taehyung, your best friend. It was different now though; before you tried your best to ignore what you felt because he’d never feel the same but that has changed. Now you knew his flirting and clinginess wasn’t all in your head, it was real. Jungkook, being his roommate, was constantly teasing you about stealing his boyfriend and hogging him night and day. There were times when he’d complain even when he wasn’t with you but you assumed it was him just messing with you. The others were very supportive about everything and very invested in the relationship.

For tonight though, you guys weren’t really bothering with thinking about the budding relationship. It was time to enjoy the party and get drunk out of your minds. All the boys had agreed on things to help you get prepare and were going to be at your place an hour early. They said you were going to need some help protecting your place for the destruction that was to come. Already you could see the mess that would be waiting for you tomorrow morning. Beer cans and bottles scattered everywhere. red solo cups covering every single flat surface, strange puddles of liquids on your wooden floor. Maybe you shouldn’t be celebrating your birthday with a hundred drunk college students… oh well.

The night before Taehyung had come over to give you his final present and stay the night with you. It was huge teddy bear and a bunch of balloons with a bouquet of roses. In that moment you had no idea how to react so you jumped on his and wrapped your legs around his waist. He got caught off guard so you both fell to the couch behind him and you both laugh. You felt your smile grow just thinking back on that memory and you looked up to your ceiling. After doing what you need you had come to lay down on your bed but you couldn’t calm your mind from constantly thinking of Tae. He was in your guest room changing into his outfit, he had brought two full bags of clothes to make sure he was prepared for any outfit color you chose. It was these small things he did that always made your heart swoon and jump out of your chest. They gave you hope, hope that everything would be alright if the two of you made the decision to stay together.

Some could call you ignorant for trusting a fuckboy, even if he’s your best friend. That made it worst thought because you had seen all the moves he makes to get girls or to break hearts, you knew his little games. There were girls in your classes that “warned” you about him, they said when they hooked up he was quick to leave and ignore their entire existence. They said he may be a little nicer because you were friends but at the end of the day he was Taehyung. Not going to lie this ran through your head a lot, you always wondered if he was playing games but you gave him the benefit of the doubt. He would never you thought, he cares way too much about you not just romantically but as a friend. Was he really the type to not give a fuck and hurt his own best friend knowing she’s head over heels for him?

You don’t know though, and that in itself drove you crazy. He had so much power in his hands, it was all in his next move to see what came out of everything.

You eyelids slowly began to close trying to keep away the negative thoughts that had already starting coming through. Tonight is for having fun, enjoying your birthday, celebrating you. Suddenly the empty side of you bed sunk down and a body laid next to yours. He slowly turned and wrapped his arm around your waist resting his on your chest.

“Princess, are you taking a nap before your ruin your liver tonight?” he whispered not wanting to wake you up in case you were really asleep.

“Mhm. Oppa really has good ideas about charging up before a party,” you giggle.

He chuckles at your comment and somehow cuddles closer onto you; you bring your free arms and wrap them around him pulling him even closer. You both had always had cuddling sessions and slept in the same bed together but it’s been completely different nowadays. They felt, weird, a good weird. The type of cuddles that made you want to giggle and blush and just be there forever if it was possible. As soon as you both started to get into your nap a loud bang can from the front door being swung open. Six voices filled the empty rooms at your place, their feet shuffling around trying to find where the star of the night was. Once they reached your room they saw the two of you laying holding each other and began their teasing. Jimin and Jungkook hyped it up the most jumping on the bed and falling on top of the both of you claiming they wanted cuddles too. Jin and Namjoon were hand in hand laughing from the door. Surprisingly Hobi and Yoongi were also hand in hand but their expressions were unreadable. Almost as if something was bothering them but as their eyes met yours their smiles appeared.  

“ALRIGHT MY CHILDREN LETS HEAD DOWN AND GET OUR DRINK ON!” Namjoon yelled overly excited.

“Hell yeah!” Jungkook jumped off the bed and made his way down with the rest of the guys.

Taehyung and you took a bit longer trying to unwrap yourselves and fix up the messiness that was created by the cuddles. As you made your way down, his hand found yours and intertwined your fingers. He loved being touchy, he lived for holding hands, hugging, and any type of affection. Time passed as you guys pregamed in the middle of kitchen. Each one of you complained about all the assignments that were being given in almost every major. Most of you being art majors, you enjoyed and hated big projects because you had creative control but the deadlines really killed.

Slowly more college students began arriving and started drinking. In the beginning most of them tried their best to greet you but as the night went on they completely forgot why they came in the first place. The music was blasting and shaking all the beautiful paintings and pictures on your wall but you didn’t mind. it felt good to let loose and celebrate you. The guys had stuck by your side most of the night wanting to drink as much as possible with you.

“No Jungkook stop you can’t say those things to a girl!!!” Jin scolded the youngest.

“Jin hyung. I only wanted to know if she keeps money in her bra like y/n!”

“You can’t ask so freely unless you know her!” he shook his head, “She’s going to think your a creep.”

“That’s okay,” Jungkook shrugged and his bunny teeth came out as his lips spread into a big smile.

You didn’t know how many shots you had taken but it was… a lot. Plus the guys were refilling your red solo cup right after you finished, it felt like you were floating at this point. Taehyung had drank just as much as you taking every shot you took filling his cup just as much as yours got filled. He was gone. You were a bit surprise to find out he was even more touchy as a drunk. He turned to face you and brought you into a hug, his arms wrapped around your waist and his head rested on your shoulder. You were leaning against a wall in your house as the rest of the group circled around you. His soft lips began to peck your shoulder sweetly, he moved up a bit and started kissing your jaw. Your knees felt weak as he got closer to your ear.

His raspy voice whispered, “You’re so beautiful y/n.”

“Thank you,” you spoke back softly not really knowing what to do.

His lips continued to leave trails of kisses along your neck and shoulders until he finally reached your lips. He only gave you a small peck and let go of you.

“I’ve been wanting to kiss you all day long but I haven’t had the balls to,” he chuckles as he bends down speaking into your ear, “I almost forgot to tell you. I have one last present to give you. But it’s for when were both alone.”

You’re eyebrows knitted together and your head tilted to the side, “Birthday sex?” you asked teasing him jokingly.

“I mean if you’re down…” you playfully smack his arm, “No baby, its something more special. I can give you birthday sex after that if were sober enough,” he winked.

You both laughed at each other and he pulled you into his arms. This time he was leaning against the wall and your back was pressed to his chest. His head rested on the top of your head and his arms were on your shoulders. You held his hand, and watched your friends get wasted and start talking complete nonsense. Feeling in the mood to move around and take out all the energy the alcohol had given you, you drag Tae out to dance with you. Your dancing wasn’t much of anything, a couple of the guys gave you thumbs up or would make kissing faces at you. You were too out of it to feel Tae’s phone vibrate in his pocket but he noticed.

He pulled his phone out and looked down at who had texted him. He felt his  body cringe just looking at the name written on the screen while he was having a moment with you. The text read, “Where are you?”, there were 3 dots indicating she was typing. He didn’t want to but he couldn’t help it. He excused himself and went into the bathroom to text back the girl who had just texted him.

[taylorhardybby]

sweetener // ben hardy x reader and bestfriend! Lucy x reader.

hi so basically the reader is a famous musician (shes pretty much based on Ariana Grande with syle elements from kylie jenner but picture her as anyone you like)  this is pretty long and I realised everything I've posted has had the same sort plot kinda so ill be changing that up I promise. 

5.7K words. 

also I've linked the songs that I mention  and ideas of the outfits I've mentions just cause i can I guess. enjoy xo 

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You were 19 when you first met Lucy. She was 22 and you met at a charity gala. You were new in the industry, barely knowing anyone. You and Lucy became instant best friends. She was like your big sister, your mom and your best friends rolled into one person and you couldn’t be more thankful for her. Fast forward three years and Lucy was working on one of her biggest projects yet. Bohemian Rhapsody. You had just released your lasted album and were only weeks away from tour, but when Lucy asked of you would come visit her you were on a plane within the hour.

You had barely seen your best friend in almost two months due to your album blowing up then your surprise world tour, for the last 10 weeks you spent every waking moment  rehearsing,  doing chorography, or at costuming fittings if you weren’t preparing for tour you were doing a interviews or attending events and award shows. You were completely exhausted. But you were new and young, and your record company had almost complete control over you. You were terrified if you said no, they would drop you, and you had worked too hard for that.

Your plane landed in London and you went straight to your hotel, Lucy would be filming until 9pm tonight then she was coming straight over to spend the night and in the morning you would both head over to the set. You were beyond excited, queen had been such a inspiration both musically and just in general through your entire life and to see even a tiny bit of the movie about them would be an honour.

It was 6pm when you got to your hotel, so you had three hours to kill, you considered just going for a walk and exploring but you had seen a few paps at the airport so you were sure there would be more. So you started rehearsing, you played the backing track to your newest song, Everytime. The choreography was fast and you kept messing up the steps during the chorus.

Time slipped away as you rehearsed, and your phone ringing brought you out of your trance.

“Hey sorry, ive bene so distract-” you were cut off, not even bothering to see who was actually calling, until you hear her voice.

“ive bene knocking for ages come let me in baby” you smiled at the nickname, lucy always called you baby, maybe it was because you were younger than her or she said it’s what her older sister would call her.

“oh my god sorry I’m coming lulu” you ran to the door of the hotel room apartment, the door swung open and Lucy was standing their champagne in hand and overnight bag in the other. She dropped her bag and pulled you in for a hug.

“I missed you so much lulu ”

“mee too, baby. I’m so sorry I miss everything” you had come inside and closed the door by now,

“your album release and the Grammys, you won and I wasn’t even there I’m  so sorry” you shook your head,

“its fine trust me its been crazy busy and this is important for you. I’m  just so happy that I get to see you now”

“yes me too now I want all the gossip”

You popped the champagne and shared not only that bottle but another you had found the mini bar, you spoke about your ex Kevin, and how he was inspiration for a few songs on your album. Lucy insisted on listening to your album from start to finish you didn’t mind. You loved your songs and you loved that your best friend sang along to every single word. Your tour was still a secret. Your record company wanted to announce it a week before you actually left, in the same way they kept your album a secret until a week before its release date. You were sworn to secrecy and you had told nobody but your mom, and when Lucy asked how you  were, really truly, you broke down.

“I’m a mess luce, I’m going on tour, surprise!” Lucy congratulated you but she knew you weren’t finished “I’m running myself ragged, if I’m not rehearsing im at a costume fitting I’m doing promo for the album or I’m at an awards show or event” you flopped back onto the bed trying to just let your body rest.

“I’m so tired I never stop. And thank god you called because this three-day break is such a blessing you have no idea” Lucy pulled you into a hug reassuring you it would all work out,

“what about with Kevin, how are you in realm” you sighed, you and Kevin broke up for a good reason, he was having personal issues and it was hurting you physically and mentally, so you left.

“I miss him so much, but I know that I did the right thing for me, I was so unhealthy always looking after him I forgot about me” you paused and thought for a moment “I think he’s better, from what I’ve heard, I still speak to his mom every now and then” Lucy nodded

“you did the right thing Y/N I know you loved him, but you need to look after yourself first” you nodded. The conversation turned a little lighter and you decided to pop another bottle of champagne just because you could,

“to us, successful women who are making shit happen” you made a toast and Lucy shouted back “to us” you changed the music and danced, laughed and just had fun with your best friend.

You woke up to the sun in your eye and Lucy’s alarm blaring, your head was pounding, and you looked around. Lucy was slowing waking up in the bed next to you. You had clearly tried to find pyjamas but you both looked like a mess. As you stood up out of bed you looked down at out outfit, a pair of black hotpants and a large oversized grey shirt tied in a knot and one blue sock. Lucy didn’t look much better and as you looked each their up and down you both laughed. The apartment was a mess. There was pillows and blankets everywhere, you counted 5 champagne bottles, all but one were empty the last was about three-quarters gone.

It was 7 am and Lucy was needed on the set at 8:30 so you both got ready, Lucy ordered breakfast- more specifically coffee, very strong and lots of it.

Once you looked presentable, Lucy looked you up and down raising an eyebrow,

“heels? Really Y/N” her tone was mockingly, and you just shrugged

“you know I love my heels, they make a statement” you twirled, and Lucy laughed at you

“also, I like to feel taller, it’s not easy being tiny”

Lucy drove you to the set, stopping to get more coffee on the way. You had music blaring the whole time just laughing and smiling. The set looked pretty normal and when you got there you followed Lucy to her trailer where you both set down your stuff. Her first costume of the day was already hanging so she got changed then wrapped herself in a coat. You followed her to hair and makeup,  and to your surprise Rami was already there when you walked in and Lucy introduced you of course.

Rami was very sweet and you felt much more comfortable knowing at least one more person liked you here. He mentioned your music and you blushed. These people knew who you were holy shit.

“I actually brought you album the day it came out, I love it” you laughed,

“thanks rami that’s really sweet of you, its still kind mind-blowing that people other than Lucy and my parents listen to my music” everyone laughed and the conversation flowed. Rami left soon after and Lucy finished not much later,

“okay so my the first scene today isn’t until later but we can go watch the boys film if you want” she checked her watch,

“they start in 20 so that heaps of time for you to meet them and what not” you nodded and just followed her into the sound stage.

From the moment you saw him you were breathless, you of course had googled all of Lucy’s co-stars as soon and she knew them but seeing him in person was something else, you eyes met his and you felt you cheeks heat up. You turned your face towards Lucy, sending her a smile but she sent you a knowing look. When you looked panicky, she giggled a little,

You walked over, and they group of four men turned towards you,

“hey Lucy, oooh who’s your friend” the man you assumed was playing john deacon spoke first.

“Joe, Gwil and Ben this is my best friend Y/N” she gestured to you and she spoke “Y/N this is Joe, Gwil, Ben and you of course know rami who you met earlier” you nodded and shook each of their hand but before you could say anything you were cut off,

“Lucy why didn’t you tell us that your Y/N was THE Y/N”  Joe playfully pushed Lucy and she tried to explain, but before you could get to deep in conversation the boys were called to their scene.

The scene was a short one and soon enough Lucy was whisked away to work so you sat there just on your phone, you felt someone come over towards you and you looked up. It was him. Ben Hardy. To say that you were in love was  a bit much, but he was so gorgeous it was hard not to. As he walked over to you smiled but internally you were panicking. You just kept telling yourself don’t make a fool of yourself, don’t do it

“Uh hey Y/N, where’d Lucy go” of course, he just wanted Lucy not you,

“oh she went to do some filming I’m not sure how long she’ll be”

“Okay cool so um are you hungry” you internally died omg what was he going to say holy shit

“I’m starving” he invited you to go with him for lunch, it was just Kraft services but you didn’t mind.

You spent the entire lunch hour just talking and laughing, it was so refreshing for someone to talk to you as just Y/N not THE Y/N.

You spent the next three days surrounded by the BoRhap boys and Lucy having the time of your life. You and Ben had gotten quite close and even while you were still in London if you weren’t with each other you were texting. You decided against telling Lucy, not wanting to make it weird between her and her co-stars.

Two weeks after arriving back in LA the tour was announced, it sold out almost everywhere and you were glad to see that your London tour date was the same weekend that BoRhap wrapped filming, Lucy had already texted that she was coming and that she would need six more tickets which you gave her no questions asked.

You went on tour and it was marvellous, the adrenalin you felt as thousands of people sang along to your songs was thrilling and you never wanted it to stop. You played shows all across the US, you were halfway through the US leg of the tour when you got a surprise. You had still been talking to ben every day and although you hadn’t put a label on it you felt pretty committed. You were in your dressing room, your show started in three hours, so you were slowing warming up your voice when you heard a knock.

When you answered the door there stood Ben his gleaming smile beamed from ear to ear, and he was holding a bunch of flowers, your favourite of course.

“holy shit what are you doing here” he pulled you into his arms and you hugged back excitedly,

“we had a few days off from shooting, so I thought I’d come visit you”  you pulled him into your dressing room and placed the flowers down, your eyes met, and the world felt like it melted away. He pulled you closer and whispered so quietly,

“Y/n can I please kiss you” you nodded,

“please” you barely got the word out from your mouth and your lips were on his.

Everything moved so fast and he fell back onto the sofa and you moved, straddling his lap. Every move felt like it was perfectly practiced and every touch felt like fire and you both shed yourself of clothes, ben of course being the perfect gentle mean continued to ask for permission before doing anything  you were to in the moment to speak so nodding sufficed.

Time passed, and you were lying in bens arms on the sofa, a random sheet covering you as you just held each other.  You lazily shared kisses and spoke about your time apart. The sound of your manager knocking on the door made you jump apart,

“Y/N they need you in hair and makeup” you jumped up and threw on your panties, bra and covered up with your robe.

“shit sorry ben, I totally lost track of time, stay here and I’ll send someone to come and get before the show”

“ill be waiting” you kissed him before closing the door behind you and walking down to hair and makeup.

You were in your first costume, as you walked towards the under stage your makeup artist fixed up the bright red lipstick you had on and you had you Mic in hand. You were ready.

You had never felt so pumped for a show before, partially because you knew Ben was there the other part was probably your post orgasm bliss. You snickered to yourself as you thought about it.

The show was a smash, the crowd were full of energy and so were you. As you walked off stage ben was waiting in the wings for you, he picked you up and spun you around, your lips connected as he did.

“what did you think of the show”

“you were bloody fantastic, I loved it the music, the dancing, the costumes” his kissed you again, “and I thought I was the rock star” you laughed at that one,

“you’ll always be a rock star” you walked hand in hand back to you dressing room, your meet and greet outfit was already laid out and you apologised to ben as you got changed.

“I’m sorry the meet and greets only go for 45 mins then we can go back to the hotel and I’m all yours I promise” he shook his head,

“it’s fine doesn’t apologise I need to make some phone calls anyway, you better keep that promise” he teased, you zipped up your dress. It was short red and left little to the imagination and you loved how ben eye you as you spun and asked his opinion.

“Y/n your making it hard from me not to rip that off your right now” you bit you lip and whispered into his ear,

“I promise you can rip it off later” you kissed directly behind his ear then giggled as he groaned when you walked away.  

The meet and greet felt like it dragged on for hours. Now you loved your fans but  the torment knowing exactly what was going to happen afterwards was enough to make you a little frustrated.

Finally you were back at the hotel, it was a short drive from where you had performed so the car ride wasn’t as tormenting as it could have been. But from the moment you stepped foot in the hotel room the door was locked, and your lips were on Ben’s and your legs were wrapped around his waist.

It was early morning before you had stopped. You both finally so exhausted that you fell sound asleep. Ben woke you up at around 11:30 the next morning apologising as the directors had called him and he was needed back on set ASAP. His flight left in an hour, so you said goodbye, and a little more very quickly and he left. Your next show wasn’t until tomorrow night, but you were flying there later this afternoon.

Three months after Ben had left your US tour was finished, you had gotten so sick and exhausted for weeks now you had been nauseous and your whole body ached. Your period was late, it was the stress. It had to be the stress.  You now had two weeks before the European leg of the tour started, and you were going to stay with Lucy. She had about a week and a half left of filming and although you really wanted to go visit the set you just so sick you could barely move.

Lucy picked you up from the airport and she took you back to her apartment. She brought it up first, after you had been explaining your sickness she blurted it out before she could stop herself,

“Y/N what if your pregnant”

“don’t be ridiculous how could I be- oh shit”

“oh shit what. What do you mean oh shit”?

“he-h came and visited it was months ago fuck why didn’t I think of this” you were rambling and so distracted you did even see your best friends face,

“Y/N who visited who are you talking about Kevin” by now you were crying, you shook your head

“no not Kevin, ben” Lucy gasped,

“ben who, Y/N”

“Ben Hardy” Lucy had that smirk,

“I knew it, I knew you were who he had been talking to”

“your not mad” you were so worried, that she would think you were unprofessional or soothing,

“not at all I don’t care I saw how you too looked ta each other when you first met, it was bound to happen”

So you explained to her when he came and surprised you three months ago and how you spent all night together alone in the hotel room, she was happy for you. That you had moved on form Kevin, but the looming issue was still there. Were you pregnant or not? Lucy disguised herself and drove down the street to the local pharmacy and brought a few tests.

You were terrified, your career had barely even begun and here you were at 21 and potentially pregnant to a man who’s 7 years older than you. You thought about your options, but you knew you would keep it. You had once promised yourself if something like this were to happen you would only get rid of it if it was going to harm you or if you weren’t going to be able to support a child. From what you knew it wasn’t hurting you and you had plenty of funds to support a baby.

You tried to think and work it out, the European part of your tour was only 3 months long. By the end you would be six-ish months pregnant. That’s not too bad. If you altered some of the choreography and costumes, you could probably hide it from the fans until then. It would all work out in the end.

You were brought out of your dream land when Lucy came back. She passed you the first test and came with you into the bathroom.

So you sat. three whole minutes. 180 seconds. The timer went off and Lucy grabbed your hand.

“no matter what that says, I’m here for you we can work this out” you nodded, took a deep breath and turned the test.

Positive.

You don’t even know how long you spent sobbing into Lucy’s arms. But eventually you got up and tried to fix yourself up. You and Lucy were meant to be meeting everyone for dinner tonight and it was 5 pm and you were a hot mess.

So, you showered, fixed your hair and did your makeup. You weren’t even sure how far along you were but now that you knew you were so paranoid that you look pregnant, so you put of two different pairs of spanx and threw on your least fitted outfit.

The dinner went well, considering you entire life had just changed an hour before and you were acting like you were perfectly fine. On the inside you were dying. You sat next to ben and he asked if you were okay more time than you could count. You felt horrible. You wanted to tell him, you really did but you couldn’t put that pressure on him. You could handle this own your own. Lucy surprised everyone with tickets to your London show at the end of dinner, and you were happy but terrified. Lucy had invited all the BoRhap boys as well as Roger and Brian. THE Roger Taylor and Brian May.  You were shitting yourself.

In the next two weeks you and Lucy went to the doctors and it was confirmed, you were 14 weeks pregnant. You had a meeting with your head of costuming and she agreed to fix your costumes as discretely as possible, so far only four people knew. Lucy, your doctor, your manager -Angela and your head of costume and makeup -JayJay.

Your London show came so fast, everyone had come backstage to see you. You were in your first costume once again . So far you hadn’t needed to fix the sizing you just wore a waist trainer and spanx underneath. You checked with the doctor who said it should be fine for a few hours for your shows, but you shouldn’t do it all the time. When you walked into your dressing room in your outfit Lucy gave you a worried look but she was confused when she saw no bump. You gave everyone hugs as they wished you luck, you thanked everyone for coming and promised them that this would be one of your best.

The show opened with one of your favourites on the album, God is a woman.  It was followed by breathin’ you spoke to the crowd and in a split second you had a costume change. You were wearing a sparkly red outfit now and your boots were now tan. You had changed your finale so when you changed into the lilac dress and boots, the first few beats of your new song filled the arena.

Breakfast at tiffany’s and bottles of bubbles,

Girls with tattoos who like getting in trouble,

Lashes and diamonds, ATM machine s

Buy myself all my favourite things

This was the first time your new song was being heard and the crowd loved it, 7 Rings was a hit and you finished the performance on a high like no other.

You came off and Lucy was there first screaming with joy

“WHERE THE HELL DID THAT SONG COME FROM ITS AMAZING” “it was a surprise its brand new I literally flew to LA the day before I came here to record it and we did the choro this morning” everyone was in awe of your work ethic and you were passed flowers and small gifts. you excused yourself to get changed. Lucy came with you.

“I can’t believe you went to LA to record the day before you came here, you were so sick that day”

“I know but they won’t let me perform songs until live recorded them in studio and I wanted to perform it for you guys” Lucy picked out an outfit for you before you both headed back to where everyone was.

Backstage the party was growing; your management had thrown a party to celebrate the start of your European tour.  Against all your wishes against it. Champagne was spilling, and the music was loud. You took a glass of champagne just for looks, you had no intentions of actually drinking it.

You found ben almost instantly and he embraced you, you still hadn’t told him but you were going to. Tonight. Its was selfish, you knew you were leaving on tour tomorrow and at least if he wanted nothing to do with you, you would be distracted. Heartbroken but distracted.

It was almost one and the party was still going strong, you took ben’s hand and asked if he wanted to back to your hotel room. You saw Lucy smile as you left, you had to do this. From the moment you were in the car the partition went up and all your plans went out the window. It was cruel, to keep the secret from him but a few moments of bliss before it could all potentially disappear was all you wanted.

You stopped it before it got too heated, one part of you said it was because of the paps and another was because you felt so guilty. Ben didn’t mention it. You went in through the back entry of the hotel and you went straight up to your room.

“Y/n what’s up you’ve been just a little off these last two weeks, Lucy said you’ve been sick” he paused, fuck. He knew. “are you okay, like are you really sick or something, last time I checked the flu doesn’t last for weeks” you sighed and ran you hand though your hair,

“no its not like that I’m not dying or anything I promise” you took a deep breath

“but there is something need to tell you” you sat down trying to calm your nerves, “now just know before I tell you I expect NOTHING from you okay but you deserve to know” Ben looked terrified, you were pretty sure he could have put two and two to bet but just to be clear you said it,

“I’m pregnant, 15 weeks to be exact and its yours”  he didn’t move you swore he barely even breathed. Tears were slipping down your cheeks you wanted him to do something, scream or yell anything was better than silence.

“please. Please say something I’m so sorry it took this long to tell you-“ but he cut you off when he attached his lips to yours.

“I love you Y/n I really fucking love you, and I was going to ask you tonight anyway, but will you be my girlfriend officially”

You nodded, not trusting your words.

“I love you to ben, I really fucking love you too”

You decided to announce your relationship to the fans the next day, as much as you wanted to keep it a secret the longer, they know about it  the less of a shock the pregnancy should be. Hopefully. You posted a selfie of you and Ben, he was kissing you sweetly and it was obvious what had taken place earlier. You had taken the picture month ago and you both loved it.

Now that Ben was finished filming BoRhap and his next project started in 3 months, so it seemed logical that he would  come on tour with you. You decided that he was going to head home and take a few weeks off just relaxing and what not then he would meet you when you got to Paris. It sounded perfect.

It worked. Tour was hard, each day your bump grew, and it was getting very difficult to hide it in the end. But with lighting and costuming you finished tour with a six-month-old baby bump and it was still a secret.  A few weeks into the euro tour you changed all your costumes to from body suits and peplum to flouncy dresses. They all looked gorgeous and you were totally going to be using then in your other tours.

Ben was a god send. You loved having him with you and when tour was over, he was moving to the states. After a hard decision he decided to move to your house, instead of you moving in with him. Living in LA would probably benefit him in the long run anyway, so it wasn’t too hard of a decision.

You had decided to announce your pregnancy at the BoRhap Premier. Your dress was ready. It was the first tight dress you had worn in a while and it perfectly showed your  7-month-old baby bump. The fans were loving your relationship and you hoped the reaction to this would be as happy.

The day of the premier had arrived and you had spent hours In hair and makeup, you were nervous. Excited but nervous. You swear you heard the gasps as you stood out from the car. You were sure it was already world wise news,

“Americas sweetheart Y/N pregnant at 22 to her 28-year-old boyfriend”

You spent the night being questioned about your bump; why it was kept a secret, how far along were you blah blah blah.

By the time you got inside you were exhausted. Your feet hurt, because you were wearing your beloved heels of course. Your face hurt from smiling and your back was killing. Ben tried to look after you, and he got you everything you wanted. Lucy and Rami had also announced their relationship tonight, so the press was buzzing with all this new information.  Lucy sat next to you laughing at all the notifications you were getting,

“hey baby I think you broke the internet have you checked anything”

“im too scared, can you. Check my twitter” Lucy nodded, and she gasped

“they love it. Everyone loves it. Look your fans they did the maths and realised you were pregnant on tour and they love you for it” you started crying. Fucking pregnancy and its hormones . what a relief.

The premier went well and once you flew home, you were on the plane with all the BoRhap boys and Lucy  because as they had promo for the next few weeks. You had already decided to do another album, and you had a few songs ready to go, that you were recording then once you had the baby you would take three ish months off and you would be back in the studio.  Your record company had decided instead of doing another tour if your album was received well you would do more events like award ceremonies  and music festivals. You agreed. You knew that you wanted to continue with music and your baby would always be your first priority.

On the exact day you were 39 weeks, you were standing in the recording booth, it was your last day and you had one last verse to record. Ben had promo all day and you were meeting for lunch in about and hour. As you sang your last lyric everyone clapped, and you were beaming.

“fuck”  this caught the attention of your manager,

“Y/n is everything okay?”

You shook your head,

“my waters just broke”

You were rushed into your car and Angela your manager drove to the hospital as you called ben. He was in the middle of an interview when he was ushered off stage,

“what wrong,”

“Y/n’s waters broke and she son her way to the hospital this interview finishes in about 5 then you’re going straight away”

When Ben arrived with Lucy in tow you were in the hospital bed trying get through another contraction.

At 3:21 pm your gorgeous baby boy was brought into the world. Noah Benjamin Jones was perfect in every way. He was a carbon copy of his father, much to your disgrace. Nine months of pregnancy and he looks like his father. Typical male.  

Noah was the perfect baby, and as you went back to work, he came along and was an angel. When Noah was three you toured again you took your little family with you. Noah loved to see all the new cities and he became a crowd favourite when he would come out and dance with his mamma on stage for his favourite song. History seemed to repeat itself and you found yourself pregnant again in your last few weeks of your second tour.

Your family grew,  your second child was born, a little girl Lucia Rae Jones, named after your best friend of course Lucy.  When Lucia or Cici, was six months old you and ben finally decided to get married. It was a quite a large wedding, but it was full of love and that mattered to you.