#so i was working 60-70 hours a week for awhile

[trainerethan]

I don't know who I think I'm kidding I have a half hour if work left and I'm already so sleepy that I'm certainly going to pass out the second I'm tucked into bed. Fuck my stupid sleepy life.

Draw reguri or work on my living dex. Life is full of difficult choices.

[darkrpfinders]

20m not new to rp but it’s been awhile haha

i’m looking for a mxm ocxoc rp with dark themes, abusive behaviors, toxicity, etc. with a 60/40 or maybe even 70/30 porn to plot ratio. i’m a huge communicator so im open to talking about the rp and working out the kinks and power structure for however long you may need to feel comfortable.

that being said, i’m looking to play a charming, submissive male oc opposite to a cruel, dominant male oc, perhaps even mafia themed.

my oc is submissive but not overly so, he has agency and personality. i am open to him being broken or built up completely.

i prefer realistic face claims and 2-3 paragraph responses, my time zone is est, 20+ writers preferred, while i am pretty responsive i do work a full time week so if i don’t respond immediately, i will most likely respond within 24 hours.

bring me your worst kinds of guys i’m talkin trashy mean evil-minded men. i’m open to abuse, gaslighting, age gap, class difference, jealous, protective, etc. and im always open to discussing other dynamics :)

i also only rp on discord

like this post and i’ll get message you next i can!

.

[op15-moonwaltz]

even MORE Jack Frost headcanons because I have a lot of thoughts and none of them are cohesive. (some of these feel more AU-ish and I dunno what to do about that, if I feel tempted I might actually write out a before movie events story with jack and saint nick because he deserves some happiness and I love my little oinglydoobles)

The Santa he was close with he called 'Saint Nick.' He was already fairly old when he became Santa (around 60 years-old to early 70s), but Jack Adored him. He was very open to Jack having some presence in the holiday season besides making things cold.

Saint Nick was actually a grandfather when he became Santa! His kids and grandkids were very frequent visitors of the North Pole. Jack was ecstatic when one of Nick's grandkids said their favorite holiday movie was Rankin Bass' 'Jack Frost.'

The Council of Legendary Figures wasn't particularly. . overjoyed that Jack had taken part of the holiday décor from the traditional Christmas decorations, but Saint Nick shut that talk down FAST.

"Just because he isn't a holiday doesn't mean he can't have some say in the decorations around this time! Without him, there'd be no holiday spirit at all! He needs some credit here, fellas. A 'Thank you' maybe, too."

Jack never told anyone he had been outside the meeting room door during that. He had previously been there to crash the meeting, as he usually did, but after hearing that he'd tossed that plan out entirely and popped over to his condo and had a 4-hour long existential crisis.

time to get SAD (tw for a LOT of grieving)

When Jack popped over for the meeting after Scott became Santa, he could already feel something incredibly off as soon as he touched the handle to the door and his rising anxiety was confirmed when he went to sit in his usual seat next to Claus' chair and tried to keep a smile up despite feeling absolutely sick to his stomach.

He finally cracked when Scott had made a passing comment on how Saint Nick had slid off his roof and Jack Lost It. An hour long shouting match between him and the other Legendary Figures, with comments from Scott, before they actually noticed the tears that sat in Jack's eyes. (Frustration? Grief?)

"So NO ONE thought to tell me he died? No one at all? After we'd both been planning the holidays together for the last 40 years?!"

"It's not personal, Jack- T-Things are just different now-" Scott's first mistake upon meeting Jack.

EVERYTHING Saint Nick had helped Jack work toward had been undone within the span of a few weeks, and a lot of the days of December were icy and bitterly cold.

He fucking missed Saint Nick so bad. He felt both pissed that Scott had replaced him so fast, and absolutely shattered that Nick's grandkids had lost their grandfather.

Jack had become a constant in Nick's family's lives, so he'd pop over a lot more frequently to check up on them. He never told anyone he did that, the Legendary Figures were very keen on keeping holiday secrets just that. Secrets. But he couldn't just leave the family in the dark like that, they couldn't even have a proper funeral for him.

For Christmas that year, Jack practically Begged Bernard to do one thing for him. Find something of Nick's that he could give to his family for closure. Bernard and Jack never got along well most of the time, but the genuine broken look in his eyes was enough to make Bernard comply.

Jack turned up at Nick's Family's home Christmas Day, little giftbox in tow. He stayed for awhile, watching the grandkids play with their new toys, then he snuck away with the parents and presented the box.

Bernard had gotten Nick's snow globe for Jack to give the family.

Jack stuck around to watch them place it on the center of the fireplace mantel. He felt a bit more at peace knowing the family had something.

When Jack returned to his condo that night, there was a single gift wrapped in blue and silver paper on his coffee table. Bernard had gotten one more thing for him.

It was a framed photo of Jack and Saint Nick's first collaborative Christmas, Jack had wrapped Nick in silver and blue tinsel before the photo was taken and Nick had gotten a pair of antlers onto Jack's head. They were both ecstatic and covered in glitter.

Jack passed out the rest of the night on his couch with the picture on his chest.

[littleharpethcrossfit]

Saturday, 30 September, 2023.

Nothing could be altered to make it a more perfect morning at the barn.

Warmup

10 Partner Med-Ball Tosses

5 Different Ways

You Know The Thing.....

Strength

Bench Press: 7 / 7 / 7 / 7 All 60 To 70% 1 Rep Max

Superset Ring Rows 7 / 7 7 / 7 7 / 7 AHAP

Shane=225 Larry=205 Bernie=185 Ed=150 Coach=145 Dyer/SC ( I don't believe this)/Paul =135 Tom=125 LSU/Dana=105 Kayla/Elisa/Alicia=85 Sue=70 Joe=65 Linda=Did it, No post Warren A=PJ Average Dave=Back Hurts ??

WOD

6 Rounds

Run 400 / Row-Ski 500 / Bike 1000m

12 Push-Ups

25 Back Raises (E=Hug Yellow KB///RX=Pink KB)

Larry=23:02 Ed=23:23* Sue=23:27 Kayla=23:57 Alicia=24:24 Bernie=24:30* Shane=24:56 Dana*=25:19 Dyer=26:21 Elisa=26:22 Tom=28 Joe=29 LSU=30 Linda=30:35 Coach=32 Paul=34:20 Warren A/SC/Average Dave=PJ

Cool-Down:

Banded Standing Triceps Extensions 10 / 10 X 5

Notes:

I was planning to put Kayla's membership up for bids, but lo and behold, she returned after a couple weeks absence. She said something about having a "Triathlon" with her new boyfriend of the month. I'm gonna have to consult the Urban Dictionary for that one. I was in a Biathlon once, but that was when I was in college.

I spent a couple of hours visiting with a friend from Knoxville today. Her 11 yo Daughter (and Son) plays on an Elite League Travel Soccer Team. She has daily practices, and then travels several hours each way to play in a weekend tourney every weekend. They play in a REGION, which means they get to travel to Cleveland (That's the one in Ohio, Alicia), Pittsburg, Atlanta, etc. If I had to enjoy a family life like that, I believe I would drink a few gallons of Round-Up, get that Lymphoma they talk about on the TV, and then sign up for Timmy's Class Action Suit so maybe I could die as rich as Robert.

We are going to be light on attendance for awhile. Robert is always gone, either working or playing. Armando always works late. Sammy only comes for food. Several are going to the Titans game. Timmy and Ed are going to Hilton Head together. Do you imagine they ever have little spats ?? How would you know ??

Sunday at 0730 and at 1 PM. Bring a friend. Bring a Girl-Friend.

[paradise-creator]

OwO when u have time,, can I have a haven box for BNHA?? But just when you’re free and not working on prior works!! >:( I’m watching u bish

You can use my name in the result if you want to lol I already know it anyway!!

She/her, Taurus, INTJ, slytherin (pretty freakin’ queer but I usually lean towards boys/enbies more)

Personality: the first thing people notice about me is that I am less of a feeler and more of a thinker. I do have an IQ of 125, but my emotional intelligence is quite low, so I have trouble sympathizing with others. But I learned through experience, so I don’t SEEM emotionless. I can (and will) help my friends through tough times if they need me. I’m pragmatic, so I always go for the facts instead of the feelings during decision making or tough situations. I hold a lot of perfectionist traits that make it really hard for me to be satisfied with my results if they aren’t higher than the norm. I also have a slight issue with saying no, so sometimes I’ll offer my help or enrol myself in long-term projects while knowing I legit do not have time for more stuff on my schedule. Being a bit smarter than average, I sometimes feel like I’m obligated to help others so that they can do good too (however, I do like helping people with their hw to a certain extent). I’m working on those issues though!! I’m also an introvert, and I can get rlly tired if I have to be interacting for more than four hours straight with people, especially if their persona isn’t rlly compatible with mine.

However, when I’m surrounded by friends (or generally people who aren’t my superiors), I’m very energetic, loud, silly and I have a sharp tongue. I’m also insanely competitive, like someone please stop me?? My sense of humour goes from absolute nonsense to almost mean spirited sarcasm, but it all depends on who I’m talking to. I’m a MAJOR memer, I have a bunch of files filled with them, and I couldn’t bear be with people who didn’t understand my meme references. When I start liking something, I can get easily obsessed. I’m stubborn, therefore very passionate about the things I care about. I also have a slight case of the Endorphin Junkie, meaning that I really, really like the high you get after sports so I do crossfit training like five to six times a week. I’m unapologetically myself, and I will not ever change who I am to fit within the norm. I’m sometimes told that (that I’m odd, I mean), but I usually thank the people who tell me. I have a really, really big love for music and I have a tendency to break into song sometimes when people say a line from a song I know. I also cry sometimes when music gets really good ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ whoops

Appearance: I’m around 5’6”, with hazel eyes and brown hair that goes around to my shoulders. It gets curly out of nowhere. I can either wake up with straight hair or wake up with a freakin perm, it’s funny. My body isn’t exactly the lean type, I’m somewhere around the buff area of the scale instead, but as long as I seem visibly strong, I’m satisfied. When I’m not going anywhere significant, I usually just wear sport shirts and sweats, but I have a penchant for Dark Academia so I like /looking/ like I’m smart sometimes. And I have glasses bc apparently my eyes are assholes and they work too hard and it hurts my brain all the time

Likes: music (DavidBowieDavidBowieDavidBow-); I have a really wide range of music that goes from early 2000’s pop to 1700’s requiems(my faves are Bowie, Queen and Pink Floyd). I enjoy studying theoretical fields, reading, and I like talking about Absurd Theories About Reality That Make Little To No Sense. I like sports, and I love joking around with friends in the most exaggerated ways. I also love the colour green and I’m more of a cat person

Dislikes: dogs (they’re cute but keep them away pls), ignorant people, irresponsible people, spiders, things I’m not good at from the beginning, having to deal with strangers being upset, crying (me. I don’t like crying; I mean me, I’m fine if my friends cry)

Other fun facts!!

- my goals for the future are all over the place; I want to work for Disney, I want to get a musical composition degree, I want a biomedical engineering bachelors degree, I want an astrophysics doctorate, I want to study languages, I want to be a foreign English teacher... I can’t ever decide.

- I have a long history with getting crushes on guys who turned out to be gay. It happens so often and I HATE IT, it makes me feel terrible.

- I!!love!!70’s!!music!!so!!much!! I was raised on that stuff, my dad wouldn’t let us listen to anything else

- Lol my favourite playlist name is Drugs Playlist But I Don’t Even Do Drugs it’s just a bunch of Pink Floyd and David Bowie songs

- My favourite movies are 80’s or 90’s comedy classics!! Like Wayne’s World, or Airplane!, or Night at the Roxbury. I keep quoting Wayne’s World and no one understands :(

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Hello and Welcome my Starlight!

The Haven box includes:

- Match up

- Sun drop

- Flashes of memory

- Truth or dare gone wrong

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

I'd match you up with

Sero Hanata, Cellophane

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Sun drops

The reasons I paired you

- It me awhile to think about who to match you up with

- I was thinking of either Bakugou or Denki

- BUT THEN I REMEMBERED SERO

- Sero is such an underrated character smh

- BUT THIS DYNAMIC IS WHAT I LIVE FOR

-At first, you might be annoyed at his lack of knowledge but you over past that

- His EQ can help you grow as a person as well

- You have the IQ he has the EQ, BALANCE!

- You two would often have laughing sessions at class

- No cap tho, you two would be the most interesting couple

- You guys would have a matching necklace or a Keychain (IDK why but I feel like it-)

- You get along well with Denki, (IT TOOK A LONG TIME)

- But you would rather hang out with Bakugou (He tolerates you more than the others).

- BRO, please give him love. He craves your attention

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Flashes of memories

Sero: Hello there hot stuff!

Eve: Hello there Soy sauce

Sero: NOT YOU TOO

Eve: Just kidding, Hello babe

Sero: ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?

Eve: Yes, killing you with love

Sero: Dang that's smooth

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Sero: He-

Eve: I didn't take your Pocky, Denki did

Sero: How-

Eve: You've been yelling about it for the past few minutes

Sero: Oh-

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Sero: Can you help me with studying?

Eve: Struggling again?

Sero: Yes...

Eve: Why did I date you again?

Sero: Please?

Eve: ...

Also Eve: Fine

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Truth or dare gone wrong

The class 1-A were all gathered in their common room, even Bakugou was present. The class was having a truth or dare session, it seemed interesting. “Sero, my man! Truth or dare?” Denki asked as he looked at Sero. “Truth! I choose truth,” Sero said. “Who have you been talking on the phone to this past weeks? The one I keep hearing is my pumpkin?” Denki asked. Sero’s face then turned a light shade of pink. “O-Oh- ummm,” He started as he looked away. “Does our Cellophane have a girlfriend?” Mina teased as she poked Sero. “Y-Yeah,” He stuttered. “OI THAT’S NOT FAIR?!? WHY CAN YOU HAVE A GIRL BUT I CAN’T,” Denki sulked as he placed his head on the table. “If you weren’t such a perv then maybe you can get one!” Hakagure responded.

“Don’t be shy. Tell us more,” Mina said. Sero’s blush darkened and he looked away. “We are playing truth or dare! It’s my turn to ask,” Sero then said. “Actually, I am quite curious as well. We can always continue later,” Momo said as she smiled. Everyone agreed and they then looked at the nervous male. “C’mon now guys, this is unfair,” Sero said as he looked at everyone. “But you have a girl and we want tea,” Mina then said as she sat in front of him. “I- um, you guys really want to know about her, huh?” Sero said as he chuckled. Everyone nodded and stared at Sero intently. “Just tell us already, Soy sauce,” Bakugou growled as he glared at Sero. “Don’t listen to him, bro. He is just jealous,” Kirishima said. “WHAT-“ Bakugou was about to counter but was silenced. “Fine! Fine! You got me in a corner,” Sero then said as he chuckled. “She should be coming here,” He added as he looked at the door. “Three, two, one,” He then said as he pointed to the door.

“Hello, is Sero Hanta here?”A feminine voice said. “ARE YOU A PSYCHIC?” Denki said as he looked surprised. “I’m right here pumpkin!” Sero then said as he smirked. His nervousness melted away as he saw the 5’6ft girl. It was his girlfriend, Eve, and he was overjoyed. “Hey there babe!” She then said as she smiled. “DANG YOU GOT A FINE LADY!” Denki then yelled as he checked her out. “Keep your eyes above for I’ll gorge them out,” Eve then said as she glared at Denki. Soon enough, Mineta tried to touch her as well but his efforts were at vain. Sero used his tape as to stop Mineta from getting closer. And Eve kicked him away, far away from her. “Get your filthy hands away from her,” Sero said as he stood up. He then wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead. “Woah, that was so manly!” Kirishima said as he smiled.

“GIRLS! GET HER-“ Mina said as she tackled the girl. They didn’t fall down but Mina was laughing and hugging her. “Girl! How long have you been together?” Mina asked as she pulled away. Eve was a bit uncomfortable but she merely had a stoic face. “A few weeks,” She responded bluntly. And soon enough, the truth or dare session was forgotten. It was replace with the class 1-A trying to pry out the tea from the couple. Did they succeed? No, not really. Though the class seemed to love Eve and her antics. The class even tried to make them forget about the date they have planned. But either way, Sero and Eve got manage to get away to have their small movie date at his room.

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Author's note

Hai bb! I'm sorry it took so long. But thanks for requesting again~

[pulpwriterx]

THE ONCE AND FUTURE PRINCE (Part 1)

For Reylo Week 2020. Day 6, Past, Present and Future. 

Kylo Ren is dead. But Ben Solo is in solitary confinement in a bunker built just to hold him, about to go on trial for Lord Ren’s crimes. Half the Galaxy thinks it’s an injustice to try Ben for a dead man’s crimes, but the other half wants to see Kylo Ren hang from the highest gallows. Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa have both returned with Ben from the World Between Worlds. Luke and Rey are on one side, Leia is on the other. As Ben’s trial approaches, he ponders the past, tries to endure the present and hopes there will be a future for him in spite of Kylo Ren.’

This takes place in the same AU as “The Most Dangerous Game” and is a continuation of that story. 

Ben Solo finished his push-ups, and his sit-ups, and he drank some water before doing his chin ups.’

He stretched, and did isometric exercises against the walls and then he sat on his cot.

It wasn’t that bad, really.

There were no chains, just the stun collar. And his cell, made of concrete and steel stood alone in an open concrete desert bordered by a vast green forest, in a perimeter of barbed wire and electric fences.

There was a little slot in the top that he could look through, if he stood on his cot, and a locked slot in the metal door, to shove his food through.

He liked to stand on his cot, and look through the slot, at the jailer's cottage, beyond the concrete desert, at the edge of the wood.

He also was allowed an hour of exercise outside, and every other day, the jailer would march him to the refresher stall at the other end of the perimeter, so he could keep clean.

He was not permitted a razor, so he kept his beard braided, in a long, thin braid that now reached just past his collarbone.

It wasn’t that bad, really.

When he was kept in a cell during his Sith training, he was always naked, there was no cot or pillow or sleeping bag or blankets, and the lights were always on.

There was only a toilet.

Also his wrists and ankles were manacled together and there was only thin soup and bread once a day.

In this cell, he got to wear shorts.

He had a berth to sleep on, and a desk, and he got three meals a day and books to read.

The jailer put the lights on at 9, and turned them off at midnight.

When he was in Sith training, Ben lived in a malnourished, fluorescent-lit, oatmeal-colored naked Hell of fear.

This was a whole different kind of Hell.

One that might last the rest of his life.

He hoped to either be set free, or sentenced to death.

Then again?

It wasn’t that bad, really.

Ben screamed, he roared and rushed the wall.

The collar stunned him, and he fell, unconscious, on the floor.

***

In the jailer’s cottage, a red light went off.

The jailer was not afraid of his prisoner, he felt bad for the man, for the conditions he was held under.

The red light nominally meant escape, but all it meant under current conditions was that Captain Solo had made a run at the wall so the collar would stun him, and he could have a little slice of oblivion.

He unlocked the cell and found his prisoner on the floor, unconscious and twitching, and he revived him.

“Ben? Ben, can you hear me?”

His heels were still drumming on the floor, so Commander Antilles administered the hypo.

Captain Solo returned to consciousness with a groan.

The Republic Air Command, which supported him, had promoted him from Lieutenant after the Battle of Exegol.

“Ben, you shouldn’t do that to yourself.”

“Oh, shit! The collar made me piss myself, again. I’m sorry about the mess, Commander Antilles. I’ll  clean it up.”

“You probably can’t even stand, yet I brought the mop. It’s just pee. It wipes up. But you have to stop activating the stun collar. It’s not good for your body. It might kill you.”

“When, Wedge? When?”

***

“What happened? Did he try to escape, again?”

“Leia, I can’t do this. I remember when me and Luke used to take him to the park to fly his model X-Wing! You should come here, and shove his meals in a slot in a Beskar steel and concrete door! Talk to him through a tiny slot in the wall of the bunker you put him in, while he stands on a chair! You should have to run in and revive him after he runs, screaming at the wall so the collar stuns him! Find Ben lying there, twitching, in a puddle of pee!”

“Wedge, do you think I want to keep Ben confined like this? He broke out of four jails and put 15 men in the hospital! One of our Generals told me, regretfully, that we should just have him put down! Put down! Like a sick old tooka cat! He did this to himself! This is the very best I can do for Ben, right now!”

“I know. But it’s not easy.”

“Sometimes, Wedge? I’d like to just land at night in the Falcon, and say goodbye to him and tell him to listen to Chewie and be good to Rey and talk to me once in awhile and let him go.”

“He just got a letter from Rey. And one from Luke. I’ll take it to him, and slip it under the door with his dinner. See if you can get him some visits with her. Or maybe just get the regulations relaxed so that I can bring him his meals in person.”

“We’ll see.”

*** Dear Ben,

I’m back on Tattoine again. I’m in Anchorhead, to give another rousing speech for the Justice For Ben Solo movement. I’d say public opinion is about 60-40 at this point. The good news is, 60 in your favor. The bad news is, the other 40 percent still want to see you hang from the highest tree. I just about have the Tribunal ready to let you wear clothes, so I’ve sent you a box of coveralls. Republic regulation overalls that say “Captain Solo” on them, just to remind people of who you really are. And you hated it when I made you finish at the Republic Academy; even if I did try and cut your head off, Crazy Old Uncle Luke was right, sometimes. I’m still behind you a hundred percent, Ben, and so is your Uncle Chewie. He sent you a tin of Wookiee cookies. Also in the package is a rug for your floor that Rey made from the rags of old Resistance uniforms that Leia wanted to throw out. Wedge told me that you’re beginning to despair. There’s no reason for despair, Ben. I’m sure I was sent back from the World Between Worlds for your sake, and you were not sent back to rot in a cell for the rest of your life. Even if you are sentenced to life, or a long term, I will never stop fighting for you, and against the injustice that you should be punished for a dead man’s crimes. I have convinced the Tribunal to let you appear at your hearing from your cell, but I’m hoping it won’t be the prison that you are in.

Stay strong, Ben. May the Force Be With You Crazy Uncle Luke.

***

Dear Ben, Chewie and I just got your new pilot’s pants with the red Corellian bloodstripe down the leg, and a certificate from Han’s home planet that they were awarded to you by the Corellian Parliament. Hopefully, you can wear them at your trial. Commander Antillies said he didn’t care if it was against regulations, he’s letting you have the rug that I made you. I used my old arm wraps to make the pattern so that you would have something of me in your cell. I’m on D’Qar, still, and I’d say it’s about 70-30 for you, here, and the 30 percent who think you should go to prison aren’t for a life sentence. The Resistance understands what you sacrificed, and what you did for us. By all your savage gods, Ben, I miss you so much. I used to be ashamed of what we almost did in Snoke’s Throne Room, and I always felt guilty that you and I would meet at the Skywalker Farm, but now I’m glad we did. Do you remember , during my training, when you told me that in a totalitarian state, sex is an act of rebellion and love is revolution? I never knew what you were talking about until they carried you out of the Infirmary on a stretcher to throw you in jail. I’m proud that we were lovers. I wish we could be, again, and not for political reasons. I’m so lonely for you, Ben. I’m still sleeping in your tunic from the Battle of Exegol; I’ve had to wash it, but it still smells faintly like you, and I snuggle it close to my body at night, wishing I could snuggle up close to you. I even miss the fights that we used to have through our bond; I keep trying to find a way to reach you through the Force-disrupting field they have around you. I suppose I should write something really dirty to you, like the things I get embarrassed about that I yell while you make love to me, but I can’t think of things like that unless I’m in the moment with you. Chewie and I have decided, if you get life, or anything more than 5 to ten years with a chance for parole? We’re breaking you out of jail and going on the run. Nobody on Tattoine or Arkanis will ever give you up; and like you always tell me? You’re a Skywalker, the stars belong to you. Don’t forget that, Ben. Or that I love you so much. 

All my love, Little Rebel Girl.

On-board the Finalizer; Supreme Leader Kylo Ren’s Flagship

It was a short walk to Lord Ren’s private exercise room, but they ran into General Pryde along the way.

He and Ben had a brief exchange and then they were on their way.

Rey waited until Ben had activated all the security locks.

“Is this private?”

“Yes. Ask your question.”

“Why does General Pryde make my skin crawl.”

“Because he’s an evil man. The only reason I have let him live is because I want him to live just long enough to see me destroy his life’s work.”

“That’s cruel, Ben. And you let him think that he’s, well, like a mentor to you. And you’re not a cruel man. Why?”

“Because he’s the most evil man I have ever known. General Pryde was the Chief Officer in charge of Snoke’s Detention block on his ship. He also organized the training for Force-sensitive First Order officers. Better known as Sith Training. It was more like torture. He had the trainees locked up in worse conditions than the prisoners. He made us fight to the death. His trainers were all former Imperial officers who were entirely depraved men. These are men who were in the detention blocks of Star Destroyers scheduled for execution by my grandfather when they were rescued by the end of the war. Pryde was one of them. They enjoyed subjecting us to beatings. Torture. Humiliation. Some of my fellow trainees, men and women, were systematically raped, to break their spirits.”

Rey was shocked.

She remembered General Organa-Solo telling her that even the people who were confederatesof the Sith and the Dark Side were drawn to its evil, because they were themselves evil.

But she hadn’t thought in terms of rapists.

Or sadists.

Or killers.

“That policy ended with me. Now that I am Supreme Leader, there is no torture. No corporal punishment. Rape, by anyone, in any form, on anyone else? On this ship, or off? It’s a capital crime. Off with your head. Execution by lightsaber.” Ben stood up, and ignited his weapon.

“This lightsaber. Alright, Rey.  Enough talk. Let’s pick up where we left off the last time.”

“You mean, in the woods?”

“I do. I owe you a dueling scar. But I won’t put it on your face. Maybe on your shoulder.”

Rey jumped back.

“Wait! Don’t we wear blast vests, or something?”

“No. What’s that going to teach you? No more talk. Defend yourself.”

Ben swung at her and Rey blocked him.

He saw the fear in her face change to anger and resolve.

Too much anger.

“Do you know why you beat me, in the woods, and gave me this scar, Rebel Girl?”

“Because I’m good.” Rey snarled.

Rey battled him back, as easily as she had before.

“Yes. You have balls, and some skill. And you are strong in the Force.”

They were at crossed sabers, but when Rey raised a fist to knock Kylo away, he blocked her punch, made some fast move to get away from her, swung around, kicked the lightsaber out of her hand and stopped his swing less than an inch away from her throat.

Fear returned to her eyes, but also a stubborn defiance.

“But you won because I didn’t expect you to have any skill. And because I was tired, angry, and emotionally desolate over what Snoke made me do. But I’ve won fights in worse shape, and with better opponents. You won because I didn’t want to hurt you. No one else you cross sabers with will have any such compunctions.”

Rey’s breath was short.

She could feel the heat of his lightsaber on her throat, but she refused to ask him to move away, or retract his blade.

Ben sensed mortal terror instinctively rising in Rey, and her struggle to keep it at bay.

That was too much.

He shut his lightsaber down.

She was trying not to shake with relief.

“Breathe, Rey. Breathe deeply. Listen to the sound of your teacher’s voice, and understand that I mean you no harm. Search your feelings. You know that what I am saying is true. This was a lesson. To teach you about just how much you do not know. And to show you that you’ll pay a high price for anger and arrogance, in combat. But you were never in danger. During some of our lessons, you may feel like you are in danger. But you’re not. And it’s not just because you are precious to me and I would never hurt you. I have absolute control over my lightsaber. It’s like an extension of my body. My lightsaber is my arm, my shield, my flesh made fire. I use it to create what I wish and destroy what I will. I want you to sit in this room, in the dark, with your lightsaber ignited in front of you. Do this until I return, and meditate on that concept. Remember my words.”

Rey meditated on Ben’s words, the concept he was teaching her, and on her own actions.

She eventually called to mind the image of Ben striking down General Pryde, amid fire and explosions ten times what she had seen on Snoke’s ship.

And she called to mind him at crossed sabers with her, telling her that she needed a teacher, when he could have effortlessly stuffed out her life.

She thought about him lying in the snow, wounded and bleeding.

He could have called his lightsaber to his hand and struck her down.

But he stayed his hand.

One man.

One lightsaber.

Two sets of actions.

One Light, and one Dark.

And the struggle, in the dark, with her lightsaber in front of her, to find the balance of the two within herself.

She was beginning to understand.

***

In that first week, Ben taught her the basics of swordsmanship, and after their practice, she did her lightsaber meditation for an hour.

She was surprised at the subject matter for the second week.

Fighting, and target shooting with a blaster.

Rey had thought herself pretty good with both, and she was better than at the lightsaber, but Ben, of course, beat her, effortlessly.

Then he explained to her why she had lost, how he had beaten her, and taught her a targeting meditation and an anger meditation.

You never win a fight, he explained, when you lash out in anger, and even in a fire-fight, you always have time to carefully draw, take aim, and fire.

“If I taught the troopers to shoot, instead of instructors like Mad Dog Hux? They’d be a lot better at it.”

The rest of the week he showed her how to fight and how to shoot.

Rey thought she saw a pattern in Ben’s training until he had them both dropped off in the wastes of Tattoine, with him dressed only in a pair of short exercise shorts, and her in a pair of those and an exercise breastband.

That, and desert boots.

They had no sun protection, no hats, and one canteen between them.

The midday suns blazed overhead, already roasting them.

“This is crazy! We’ll die out here.”

“No, we won’t. You’re a desert rat, and this is my Uncle’s home planet. My father’s business was based on this planet. We’ve both used to the desert. And there’s a moisture farm about ten miles from here. All we have to do is get there alive.”

“And we have no sun protection.”

“No.”

Rey took the shorts off, and squatted on the ground to make some mud.

She put her shorts back on and started slathering the mud on her exposed skin.

“This is really going to be a nasty, stinky day.”

Her teacher actually laughed as he pissed in the sand.

“Could be worse. We could be so dry that we had to look for a pool of Bantha pee. That really stinks.”

*** This test, of course, was about endurance, Rey thought.

But, when they finally made it to the moisture farm, Rey wanted to scream.

The place was clearly abandoned, and it looked like it had been for at least ten years.

Rey hardly noticed that other than windblown sand, the courtyard was clean.

Ben pressed his thumb against where there should have been a lock on the doorknob of the blighted main door, and then he turned it.

“We’re home.” He told her.

Rey walked into a beautiful place, all in browns and greens and cream.

It was cool, and smelled fresh, and as she walked from room to room, lights came on.

You couldn’t even hear the cooling unit working.

And it was very comfortable in the rooms; Ben must have started it from the ship, before they got off.

Unlike Ben’s rooms on the Star Destroyer, this place looked like somebody lived here.

“Rey?”

Ben was still in the doorway.

“This place is beautiful? Is this your home?”

“Yes. The old family homestead. You’re getting pee mud, everywhere.”

“Oh gods, Ben, I’m sorry!”

“It’s OK. I’ll have BB-9E clean it up. He must be around here, somewhere, because the cooling unit is on. There’s a hose behind the shed out back. We’ll get hosed down, and come back and take a long bath. Then you can look around.”

Ben looked around the door.

“Niner? Where are you?”

Rey heard an angry bleep.

“I’m sorry for him, in advance. I built him from junk when I was a teenager, and Artoo helped me repurpose a partly fried personality chip. Niner’s like me. He has moods.”

“Is this the same droid that ratted BB-8 out?”

“Niner didn’t know you, then. He’s my droid, Rey. Why wouldn’t he be loyal to me. Well, mostly. NINER!”

The black and silver astromech droid rolled over to Rey, bleeped, rolled away, and she heard rummaging from the kitchen.

He rolled back, and his head twirled around, and he opened one of his ports and a little hose came out.

He started squirting water all over Rey, and the floor.

“Niner! Stop! Don’t you squirt water on me, I’ll take out your cleaning circuit. I meant to clean the floor.”

Niner chirped, excitedly.

“Yes, I know we are both also a mess. Just clean the floor. Come on, Rey. He’s like a big, stupid dog. He pissed on you because he was excited to meet you.”

It sounded like Niner was bleeping an obscene retort at Ben as they went back outside.

***

It was, of course, the old Lars-Skywalker Farm, and it was Ben’s home.

The neighbors knew him as Ben Skywalker, a starpilot, and the grandson of Ani Skywalker, local lad made good, who was also a starpilot.

In the tunnels beneath the house, in the tanks where the Lars family had stored water, only one tank had Ben’s water supply.

The rest were filled with money, supplies, and a smuggler’s bounty.

He even had one tank that was a walk-in freezer, full of meat and frozen food.

One of the other locked tanks was a locked vault.

“That’s where I keep my money. I could hide out here for five years, if I needed to. Maybe more. The door is also coded for your fingerprint. This is your home now, too, Rey. I’m sorry I didn’t carry you over the threshold, but you smelled like piss.”

Rey laughed.

“Ben, you can’t. I’ve done nothing to deserve this?”

“You gave me a month to show you that I am not a monster. To begin your training. You know. Among other things.”

Rey felt herself blushing.

“You’re so cute when you pretend to be a prude. But I know better, don’t I? We’ll get to the tour of the bedroom, don’t you worry. And before you ask? All the plates and cups and utensils and so on are made of wood or stone because I’m a wild man. When I get angry, or when I brood and I feel said and that makes me angry? I love to throw things. And there’s only a mirror in the bedroom and the bathroom because I’m also a mirror puncher. They’re made of unbreakable glass. So are the windows. Because I also like to punch windows, and throw things through them. And this is the bedroom. Just like on the ship, this door leads to your bedroom. Only your fingerprint locks and unlocks it. If I’m having an episode, just lock yourself in this room and wait.”

“Is that why you have extra furniture in your stash.”

“Yes. But if you hear me in here, breaking things? Or in my office?  Set your blaster to stun and shoot me. I’m not kidding. I never trash my office or my bedroom, but I can’t afford to destroy things, in here. And when I go into Wild Man mode? I just don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Ben also explained to her that if he was in Brooding Mystic Spoiled Brat mode, she should let him alone to brood in his office.

Or outside.

Unless she wanted to participate.

That was usually the mood accompanied by a whole jug of Huttese whiskey.

“Do you have other moods?”

“Yeah. My usual normal. Weird Cocky Goofy Idiot. And your favorite. Sexual Death Star.”

“I wouldn’t say you were normally a weird cocky goofy idiot. You’re so mean to yourself.”

“No. Just honest. It’s been a long day. I think I’d like to lie down and take a long nap? You can retire to your room, or you can try out my bed.”

“I’m tired, Ben. I’ve been walking in the desert all day. And if you think that all you have to do to get me interested, after the day you’ve put me through is lie there, naked, on your bed and look at me like that? You’re absolutely right. I am going to make you pay, you Sith bastard, for that desert march!”

“Talk is cheap, Rebel Girl.”

*** They stayed at the Skywalker Farm for the next two weeks, and then Ben returned Rey to Ahch-To.

Master Luke was waiting for them.

Ben was lugging a large crate with him.

“What’s that, Benjamin?”

Ben pointed his finger in his Uncle’s face.

“Don’t call me Benjamin! You’re a crazy old man, and I feel sorry for you, that’s what! So there’s a Wilderness Survival Pod in here for you along with the Wilderness Survival Tent for Rey. And also?”

He made another trip back to Darth Vader’s TIE Fighter, and returned with a small black canvas bag, with mesh panels on the end.

“My tooka had kittens. You shouldn’t be alone out here.”

Ben carefully handed his shocked Uncle the canvas bag.

“Bye Bye, little Ani. I want you to look after Crazy Old Skywalker. He needs a friend.”

“If he can’t take care of that kitten, Rey, you take Ani back to the base with you.”

“I will, Ben. Try not to get killed before I see you, again.”

“Hey, I killed Snoke, right? How hard can killing all his minions and toadies be? It’s not like I don’t know how the Sith operate.”

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren got into his TIE Fighter and flew away.

Rey turned to Master Luke, who had taken the little kitten out of the little carrier.

“He has a tiny little collar with his name on it. And his claws have been clipped.”

“Ben’s cat just had ten kittens. His and Hux’s quarters are full of tookas. I don’t think he has time to take care of them all, or room for them, so he has to give some of them away. It’s very sad.”

That was not what Luke meant.

He cradled the little cat, and Rey finally saw him smile.

“You know what this little fuzzball is, Rey? Hope. Let’s open these crates and put these tents together, and get this little guy back in his carrier, until we figure this out.”

[a-ffection]

Multiples of 5 on the 200 questions thing

200: My crush’s name is

Santiago, but he's really mean to me and didnt ask me to prom in high school so I don't think he likes me back 💔

195: My shoe size is:

I'm not giving away that information for free 👀

190: My 1st job was:

Medical records coder at a rural hospital but I worked from home.

185: My favorite shampoo is:

I dont have a favorite shampoo but I’ve been meaning to look into brands and their ingredients since there are some ingredients I really dont like for my hair

180: Marriage is:

Something sacred and one of the biggest commitments you can make as a person. Its also one of the most rewarding things you can do in your life if you do it right.

175: How many cousins do you have?

Are there people who can actually answer this? A lot

170: What did you do yesterday?

Not much studied and did a quiz. I slept in really late 😅

[ I Believe In ]

165: Aliens:

Absolutely 👽

160: Soul mates:

Yes 😊

155: Magic:

Not really, I think everything has a scientific explanation even ghosts 

[ This or That ]

150: Blondes or Brunettes:

Brunettes for sure. Blondes aren't very masculine looking to me and I prefer rugged looking dudes

145: Night or Day:

Night

140: Mac or PC:

PC

135: Burried or cremated:

Buried but id be dead anyway so I dont care that much lol

130: Wal-Mart or Target:

Target duh

125: Chocolate or Flowers:

Both but not like the ones in heart boxes that are sold at Walmart I hate those chocolates, they put weird stuff in them

[ Here’s What I Think About ]

120: Gay Marriage:

As long as no church is forced to preform one idc 

115: Parents:

lol

110: My Neighbors:

Theyre chill except for this one family thats just like out of control and im pretty sure one of them broke into my car awhile back 👀

105: My family:

eh

[ Last time I ]

100: Cried in front of someone:

A couple months ago, my brother made me snap a bit

95: Got my nails done:

I dont get my nails done but I tried it once. Its expensive and it feels super weird to like use your hands with them lol idk how other people can do it tbh 

Sam's nail tech is like a genius though, her nails are always so pretty high key jealous 😳

90: Texted: 

Almost 2 hours ago

[ MISC ]

85: The thing im not looking forward to:

My exam later today RIP

80: The first person i talked to today was:

My boyfriend 🥰

75: What are you going to do when you grow up:

I dont even know anymore but next week im going to stock up on notebooks and start tackling my MCAT prep textbooks. Depending on how I do will decide if I want to go to optometry school / get a doctorates in microbio instead.

Tbh I'm kinda hoping I don't do well on it because then I'd have to spend at least 4 more years in Texas since I get free school here and I'd rather move to Michigan soon after graduation so-

70: Next Weekend:

Idk ill probably be studying tbh

65: Last time I cried:

2 days ago over something stupid 😅

60: I lose all respect for people who:

Judge or treat others poorly over anything other than their character

55: Your dream vacation:

Spending a summer traveling around the world with some French guy

50: Where would you like to be:

Michigan 🥺

45: One thing that makes you feel great is:

Painting 👩‍🎨

40: Last person I got mad at:

My older brother lol

[ My Favorites ]

35: President:

Historically speaking Andrew Jackson. I just think he lived an interesting life

30: Actress:

Monica Bellucci 💕

25: TV show:

Ghost Adventures 👻. Really the only things I watch on TV are paranormal shows on travel channel or home improvement shows on HGTV 

20: Holiday:

Christmas overall but Halloween is such a close second. Fall is my favorite season in general and there’s all these horror movies on lol

15: Day of the week:

Wednesday maybe, Wednesdays are usually chill

10: Restaurant:

Perry's Steakhouse, it's so expensive and you have to dress nice but they have to best steak like bro 👀

[xbreezymeadowsx]

200 Questions

No one asked me to do it but I made @sharpiewashere do it so it’s only fair I suffer through, too.

200: My crush’s name is: Zach because husband but also... Tommy motherfuckin’ Flanagan

199: I was born in: New Hampshire

198: I am really: horny and annoyed

197: My cellphone company is: Verizon

196: My eye color is: Brown

195: My shoe size is: like 10.5W I think.

194: My ring size is: I think it’s a 9.

193: My height is: 5’ 3”

192: I am allergic to: cats and crop dust

191: My 1st car was: old ass shitty Jeep Grand Cherokee

190: My 1st job was: at a stand in a city mall where we had an inflatable slide and two bounces houses and served sno cones, smoothies, and novelty ice creams

189: Last book you read: Fangs by Sarah Andersen

188: My bed is: fuckin’ broken and uncomfortable and clearly not big enough for myself and my bedhog husband.

187: My pet: 1 old black cat.

186: My best friend: Yuki (that bitch is my best best best friend and I miss her to pieces)

185: My favorite shampoo is: Garnier Whole Blends: Honey Treasures

184: Xbox or ps3: Fuck both. Switch.

183: Piggy banks are: cute

182: In my pockets: nada at the moment

181: On my calendar: is scribbles from my kid

180: Marriage is: Don’t marry a redneck!

179: Spongebob can: stop. Give me the early Bob but that’s it.

178: My mom: loves Unicorns

177: The last three songs I bought were? Wap metal version, Room with a Zoo, Shoop

176: Last YouTube video watched: GabSmolders playing Control

175: How many cousins do you have? technically only 2 by blood and actual familial connections. 6 if you count some others. 9 if you count step-cousins.

174: Do you have any siblings? 1 big Seester!

173: Are your parents divorced? Yeah

172: Are you taller than your mom? Maybe? IDK, we’re both shorties

171: Do you play an instrument? sadly, no.

170: What did you do yesterday? Slept and worked

[ I Believe In ]

169: Love at first sight: yes

168: Luck: yes

167: Fate: yes

166: Yourself: HA, you’re funny.

165: Aliens: no

164: Heaven: these are...

163: Hell: ... kinda loaded...

162: God: ... questions

161: Horoscopes: maybe

160: Soul mates: yes

159: Ghosts: yes

158: Gay Marriage: yes

157: War: yes

156: Orbs: yes

155: Magic: yes

[ This or That ]

154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs

153: Drunk or High: unfortunately neither.

152: Phone or Online: online

151: Red heads or Black haired: black

150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunette

149: Hot or cold: cold

148: Summer or winter: winter

147: Autumn or Spring: autumn

146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate

145: Night or Day: night

144: Oranges or Apples: apples

143: Curly or Straight hair: straight

142: McDonalds or Burger King: McD’s outta these choices but I’d take Steak’N’Shake over either.

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk and Dark.

140: Mac or PC: PC

139: Flip flops or high heals: flip flops

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Zach can be sweet (he certainly isn’t ugly to look at) and we’re definitely on the poor side.

137: Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi (anybody remember Pepsi Twist? That was the best!)

136: Hillary or Obama: Obama

135: Buried or cremated: Buried I guess. Though, if I’m cremated, my ashes need to be spread in one place and no separating them.

134: Singing or Dancing: singing

133: Coach or Chanel: I am a redneck, these things don’t mean anything to me.

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who?

131: Small town or Big city: small town

130: Wal-Mart or Target: Either? I shop Wal-Mart all the time out of convenience but I do like Target

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: I am overall not a fan of either barring a select couple movies (like Heavyweights and Little Nicky)

128: Manicure or Pedicure: no thanks.

127: East Coast or West Coast: east coast

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas

125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate

124: Disney or Six Flags: Can I go to a Zoo instead?

123: Yankees or Red Sox: I’ll say Sox because New England but I don’t particularly care for baseball.

[ Here’s What I Think About ]

122: War: there’s a time and place

121: George Bush: he’s an idiot?

120: Gay Marriage: yay!

119: The presidential election: tearing families apart because people are stupid and vote for Trump

118: Abortion: this is a bit of a grey area for me. While I firmly believe in “my body, my choice”, I do not accept that argument if you are constantly getting them as if it is a form of birth control. Use proper contraceptives you slut.

117: MySpace: does that even exist anymore?

116: Reality TV: certain ones can assume me.

115: Parents: love them even when you don’t like them.

114: Back stabbers: pussies.

113: Ebay: never used it

112: Facebook: is reserved for pictures of kids, pets, funny videos and memes, and gifs.

111: Work: shitty... literally

110: My Neighbors: I’m just glad they aren’t the cousin-fuckers or the Methicans anymore.

109: Gas Prices: it takes like 20 bucks to fill my tiny car gas tank so whatever.

108: Designer Clothes: never fit me

107: College: didn’t go.

106: Sports: HA. My fat ass play sports? Maybe Badminton or Tetherball but that’s it.

105: My family: lives too far away.

104: The future: needs to be better than now.

[ Last time I ]

103: Hugged someone: like 20 mins ago when my kid was trying to suck up to me to get a sip of my frappe.

102: Last time you ate: two hours ago.

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: Zane’s first day of school this year. Miss Angie came over to see him off in the morning.

100: Cried in front of someone: probably a few weeks ago.

99: Went to a movie theater: Twilight Breaking Dawn pt 2.

98: Took a vacation: three years ago.

97: Swam in a pool: probably close to 8 or more years ago.

96: Changed a diaper: 4-5 yrs ago.

95: Got my nails done: professionally? never. By Zane? last weekend.

94: Went to a wedding: three years ago.

93: Broke a bone: never. dislocated shit though.

92: Got a piercing: over a decade

91: Broke the law: probably frequently without realizing it.

90: Texted: couple mins ago.

[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most: oh I’m a funny bitch

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: nothing? fuck this house. fuck this town. fuck this state. I wanna go HOME home.

87: The last movie I saw: Smokin’ Aces 2

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: my nephew’s birth and the vacation we plan to take to see him!

85: The thing i’m not looking forward to: the travel for the vacation stated above.

84: People call me: a lot of things. most of them true.

83: The most difficult thing to do is: wake up

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

81: My zodiac sign is: Taurus

80: The first person i talked to today was: my husband

79: First time you had a crush: I had a massive crush on Shawn Micheals as a kid.

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my Seester

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: probably someone in the Flanaclan Chapel

76: Right now I am talking to: the Flanaclan on and off

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I’m supposed to grow up?

74: I have/will get a job: yes

73: Tomorrow: is Halloween

72: Today: I’m horny and annoyed

71: Next Summer: is a long time away

70: Next Weekend: work

69: I have these pets: already answered

68: The worst sound in the world: right now I’d have to say it’s Zane clucking his tongue.

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: myself? or more specifically my anxiety brain.

66: People that make you happy: my Flanaclan friends, my bff, my sister.

65: Last time I cried: a few weeks ago

64: My friends are: on the internet and/or mostly too far away

63: My computer is: a hunk of shit laptop

62: My School: never going ever again.

61: My Car: looks like the car emoji.

60: I lose all respect for people who: beat animals

59: The movie I cried at was: recently? Up

58: Your hair color is: brown

57: TV shows you watch: SOA, SVU, SWAT, wrestling, Wynonna Earp, Van Helsing, Supernatural

56: Favorite web site: tumblr and youtube

55: Your dream vacation: Scotland, Ireland, Wales, England, all that.

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: dislocating my knee

53: How do you like your steak cooked: med rare

52: My room is: some boring off-white

51: My favorite celebrity is: Tommy Flanagan

50: Where would you like to be: New Hampshire

49: Do you want children: I have 1 and that’s 1 too many.

48: Ever been in love: yup

47: Who’s your best friend: didn’t I already answer this?

46: More guy friends or girl friends: girls nowadays. guys around here suck.

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: reading Chibs fics, staring at Flanagan

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Flanagan

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: hell no

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no

41: Have you pre-named your children: I did not.

40: Last person I got mad at: me

39: I would like to move to: for the millionth time, New Hampshire

38: I wish I was a professional: dog sitter/walker

[ My Favorites ]

37: Candy: Sour Patch Watermelons

36: Vehicle: 90′s Ford Ranger, Jeep Renegade, Jeep Wrangler, Jeep Gladiator, Ford Shelby GT350R 

35: President: certainly not the fuckin’ current one.

34: State visited: Massachusetts

33: Cellphone provider: Verizon

32: Athlete: Aleister Black, Drew McIntyre, Luchasaurus, Sonny Kiss (and fuck you if you try to tell me they aren’t athletes)

31: Actor: Tommy Flanagan

30: Actress: Millie Bobby Brown

29: Singer: Ville Valo

28: Band: HIM

27: Clothing store: don’t care.

26: Grocery store: don’t care.

25: TV show: Law & Order: SVU (as much as I’d love to say SOA, Law & Order was my first real love)

24: Movie: 10 Things I Hate About You

23: Website: tumblr, youtube

22: Animal: dogs, wolves

21: Theme park: Zoos

20: Holiday: Halloween

19: Sport to watch: professional wrestling, football, hockey

18: Sport to play: nothing that requires that much energy

17: Magazine: don’t read them much

16: Book: the House Of Night series and sequel series by P.C. Cast and Kristen Cast (I don’t care that I’m probably too old for them now, I love them)

15: Day of the week: Saturday

14: Beach: Hampton Beach, NH

13: Concert attended: 69 Eyes headlined (opening with Night Kills The Day, then Fair To Midland which were fine but also Wednesday 13!!!!!)

12: Thing to cook: fajitas

11: Food: apple fritters/apple cider donuts

10: Restaurant: Panda Express I suppose.

9: Radio station: WGFA

8: Yankee candle scent: Midsummers Night

7: Perfume: don’t wear perfume so much as body spray and it’s usually something like cucumber melon or some baked goods scent.

6: Flower: Tiger Lillies

5: Color: Green- specifically Forest/Hunter

4: Talk show host: idk I used to watch Maury all the time, does that count?

3: Comedian: George Carlin

2: Dog breed: Pittie mixes, mutts, labs, medium to big short haired breeds

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes I did.

[toomanysurveys9]

1. When was the last time someone saw you naked? I don’t remember.

2. If you could bring someone back from the dead and spend an hour with them, who would it be and what would you do/say? My grandma. I want to tell her about everything and introduce her to my babies.

3. What is the greatest loss you’ve endured? My grandma.

4. How would you describe your current mood? I’m okay. I’m just really, really tired.

5. When was the last time you did something you were embarrassed by? I don’t remember.

6. What was the last thing you lied about? Being okay.

7. Where is your favorite place to have sex? Prefer the bed. It’s so much easier.

8. What is your earliest memory? One of them is singing at my grandparents house.

9. Do you ever drink or get high alone? Nah.

10. What type of a drunk are you? It depends. I start off happy and okay and then I get depressed and stuff.

11. What song (or a few songs, whatever) means a lot to you and why? I get to be the one by JJ Heller.

12. When was the last time you revealed your feelings for someone? Were they accepted or rejected? It’s been a long time, and we’re married now.

13. What was the reason behind your last visit to the hospital? Miscarriage.

14. How do you tend to deal with a breakup? I’ve never really had to “deal” with a breakup.

15. What is the “worst” drug you’ve done? Are there any you will never try, or any you want to try? Weed. And I never want to do any again.

16. What is something you’ve done that you truly regret? Self-injury.

17. What does it mean to you to be a good person? Do you feel you are a good person? I think in some areas, I am a good person. But I could definitely be better.

18. What is your philosophy on life/how do you generally choose to live or conduct yourself? Always keep fighting.

19. Do you view animals as being just as important as people? Why or why not? My pets are family. As far as other animals, while I’m not a vegetarian or vegan, I still believe they should be treated in a humane way and with compassion. There’s no reason to be cruel, such as abusing them or keeping them in harsh conditions. <<< This.

20. When was the last time you were up all night and why? I’ve been up all night a lot. I haven’t been sleeping too well lately.

21. What is the worst thing you’ve done to yourself? What is the worst thing someone else has done to you? I have engaged in self-injury in the past. And I have been sexually abused.

22. What is the most personal thing you’re willing to reveal? Uh, I guess what I shared above.

23. What made you stop talking to the last person you cut out of your life? We just grew apart I guess.

24. Is there a situation or person you haven’t been able to get over/forgive? Yeah.

25. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? I don’t know. Either my mom or Jake. I don’t know that I yelled back.

26. Where did your last injury come from? I banged a chair leg into my shin about a week or two ago. It still hurts.

27. What are some kinks or turn-ons you have, if any? I don’t have any kinks. My turn-ons are pretty basic.

28. What are you like during arguments? These days... I tend to shut down.

29. What is the worst thing you have said to another person? I don’t know.

30. Where do you like to be kissed? Forehead kisses are sweet.

31. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel? Both. Eye contact is not my strongest quality.

32. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way? Something Jacob said to Wyatt that wasn’t okay at all. And yes.

33. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them? Jacob. That I love him and to make sure he always tells our babies that I love him too.

34. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid? I would definitely tell some people. And I don’t know. But I don’t want to think about this with my upcoming doctor appointment. And very.

35. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? There’s no choices to choose between...

36. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not? Yes I would. Because I can find a new job. The dog won’t have another life.

37. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most? They’re the same.

38. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say? I’m straight, so there’s that...

39. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not? No. People might think I’m horrible for that... but no.

40. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? I don’t know.

41. Does love = sex? No.

42.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not? I’m in the same boat, so probably not.

43.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person? I don’t know.

44. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite sex, you love them or that you do not love them back? That I love them.

45. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose? Uhhh. Ice cream. It just makes me happy sometimes.

46. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you? My daughter.

47. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why? I don’t know.

48.Imagine it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you? Jacob.

49. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not? I’m certified, so yes. Compressions are the most important component if you’re uncomfortable doing mouth to mouth until help arrives.

50.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision? I don’t like this survey. I”m going to be up all night, anxious as shit. So thanks.

51. Are you old fashioned? I guess in some areas.

52. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it? I never expect anything in return for my kindness.

53.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why? True love. I would rather have been loved for awhile than to feel as though I don’t matter.

54.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be? I’d wish for all illnesses to be cured and to be able to stay this age forever.

55. What was the last thing you ate? Pizza.

56. What kind of guys are you usually attracted to? I don’t know.

57. What’s the stupidest thing that’s happened to you that ended a friendship? I don’t remember.

58. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve had sex for?

I don’t know. I don’t time it.

59. What reality shows do you watch? The Masked Singer. I Can See Your Voice.

60. Post a video of yourself here: No thanks.

61. Where do you work? A local center for kiddos on the autism spectrum.

62. Have you ever gone up to a car thinking it was yours and tried to get in it? Yeah. I’ve gotten in one once even...

63. Where do you buy most of your clothes? Walmart.

64. If you were very intelligent and had the capability to have any profession, what would you like to be? Psychologist.

65. What’s your most irrational fear? I have a lot of them.

66. How many radio stations do you listen to? There’s two I mostly listen to.

67. What kind of music do they have?

One is popular music, and the other is country.

68. Would you rather go to Greece or Hawaii? Greece.

69. Musicals: Yay or Nay? Eh. Not necessarily my favorite generally.

70. What are the next concerts you’ll be going to? I don’t know. I’m going to a musical in a couple weeks though.

71. What was the last conversation you had with your best friend about? Needing sleep.

72. Are you one of those people that LOVE to hug others? Depends on the person, but not generally.

[thewritingstar]

Ah well were all at home better ask all 200 questions g, don't really know much about u

200 QUESTIONS???? ALRIGHT HERE YA GO. 

hope you enjoy me spending an hour answering all of these :) 

200: My crush’s name is: N/A 199: I was born in: 2000 198: I am really: nice 197: My cellphone company is: idk 196: My eye color is: Hazel, can turn dark brown or light green sometimes 195: My shoe size is: 8 194: My ring size is: 7 I think 193: My height is: 5′3 192: I am allergic to: penicillin  191: My 1st car was: Toyota  190: My 1st job was: Baskin Robbins  189: Last book you read: Suicide Notes (highly recommend)  188: My bed is: galaxy bedding and is currently on the floor in my bed fram cause my friends broke it... 187: My pet: Black cockapoo and a white cockapoo named Abby and Molly 186: My best friend: is a hoe 185: My favorite shampoo is: herbal essence color me happy  184: Xbox or ps3: I perfer Wii, Wii U or Nintendo switch  183: Piggy banks are: cute, Mine is a ducktales cup  182: In my pockets: nothing rn 181: On my calendar: nothing rn 180: Marriage is: a good thing but not a necessity for a happy life 179: Spongebob can: get it  178: My mom: is a queen  177: The last three songs I bought were? i only buy cds for my car so: Lover, Hozier, Blink 182 176: Last YouTube video watched: The Office deleted scenes 175: How many cousins do you have? 8 but I only see four of them and two of them are adults with kids so i consider them more of aunt and uncle figures 174: Do you have any siblings? One older sister  173: Are your parents divorced? Nope  172: Are you taller than your mom? Nope 171: Do you play an instrument? Nope 170: What did you do yesterday? Sat on ass and watched youtube 

[ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: ye why not 168: Luck: yes  167: Fate: yes 166: Yourself: kinda 165: Aliens: yes 164: Heaven: mmmm yes i guess 163: Hell: yes 162: God: uhhhhh yes and no, kinda indifferent 161: Horoscopes: yep 160: Soul mates: yesss 159: Ghosts: ye 158: Gay Marriage: WHO THE FUCK DOESNT BELIEVE IN THISS?? ITS REAL  157: War: think it does more harm than good 156: Orbs: ye 155: Magic: ye i wanna be a wizard 

[ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs 153: Drunk or High: drunk, i dont do drugs and i dont drink yet but ill prob get drunk  152: Phone or Online: oo i use both but Online i guess 151: Red heads or Black haired: Black hair 150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes 149: Hot or cold: HOT 148: Summer or winter: Summer 147: Autumn or Spring: Both 146: Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla  145: Night or Day: Day 144: Oranges or Apples: Oranges 143: Curly or Straight hair: I have straight hair but curly hair is also beautiful 142: McDonalds or Burger King: BURGER KING..I HATE MCDONALDS 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: MILK 140: Mac or PC: Pc 139: Flip flops or high heals:...High heels prob 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: SWEET AND POOR, IM ALREADY UGLY 137: Coke or Pepsi: NEITHER 136: Hillary or Obama: obama  135: Burried or cremated: cremated 134: Singing or Dancing: love both but maybe dancing rn 133: Coach or Chanel: Coach  132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: idk who they are 131: Small town or Big city: Big city, i grew up in a small town 130: Wal-Mart or Target: TARGET 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Adam 128: Manicure or Pedicure: Mani 127: East Coast or West Coast: West Coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas  125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: DISNEY  123: Yankees or Red Sox: eww sports 

[ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War:....does more harm than good  121: George Bush:....dont know enough to say but im pretty sure he was an awful human  120: Gay Marriage: It should just be called marriage, just because you’re gay doesnt make it any less or any more, its equal to other marriages  119: The presidential election: 118: Abortion: Pro Choice, no one has the right to tell someone what to do with their body 117: MySpace: i never used it cause i was too young but i bet it was lit 116: Reality TV: its funny af  115: Parents: are nice if they care about their child but if they are abusive or horrible then they dont deserve respect  114: Back stabbers: should be stabbed  113: Ebay: its nice  112: Facebook: full of idiots and boomers  111: Work: a scam  110: My Neighbors: they fine 109: Gas Prices: A SCAM 108: Designer Clothes: a nice but really $200 for socks, no mama 107: College: SHOULD BE FREE 106: Sports: fun but no one needs to make that much money for throwing a ball 105: My family: i like them 104: The future: is wild and idk at this point 

[ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: my mom like a few days ago 102: Last time you ate: at 11 today! 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile:  100: Cried in front of someone: my mom after i yelled at her 99: Went to a movie theater: i saw Onward when we were allowed outside 98: Took a vacation: went to disneyland last October  97: Swam in a pool: like almost two years sadly  96: Changed a diaper: when i was like 8  95: Got my nails done: never got them done because my mom wouldnt take me cause i was a ‘tom boy’  94: Went to a wedding: never  93: Broke a bone: when i was three, my big toe 92: Got a piercing: my nose in January  91: Broke the law: i guess i sped the other day  90: Texted: literally as im doing this 

[ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: my friend 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: the silence of being alone 87: The last movie I saw: Princess and the Frog 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Moving for college 85: The thing im not looking forward to:  84: People call me: Deanna (real name), Dean, Star (what yall call me) ton of others 83: The most difficult thing to do is: idk  82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never 81: My zodiac sign is: Aries 80: The first person i talked to today was:  79: First time you had a crush: Ive had  78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my best friends 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: my friends over ft  76: Right now I am talking to: no one 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: hopefully being an animator  74: I have/will get a job: at disney  73: Tomorrow: doing nothing 72: Today: doing nothing  71: Next Summer: hopefully not on quarantine  70: Next Weekend: nothing special  69: I have these pets: 2 doggos 68: The worst sound in the world: ICE SCRAPING OR MOUTH BREATHING 67: The person that makes me cry the most is:  66: People that make you happy: my friends 65: Last time I cried: few days ago  64: My friends are: my world 63: My computer is: a Dell  62: My School: is a community college  61: My Car: it goes 60: I lose all respect for people who: are bigots, dehumanize people, republicans  59: The movie I cried at was: Onward had me sobbing  58: Your hair color is: Brown rn 57: TV shows you watch: theres too many 56: Favorite web site: tumblr or youtube 55: Your dream vacation: every disney park  54: The worst pain I was ever in was: i think when i cut my finger or when i went to the hospital for my chest  53: How do you like your steak cooked: Medium rare  52: My room is: disney themed and my safe zone 51: My favorite celebrity is: Tara Strong  50: Where would you like to be: Disneyland 49: Do you want children: ehh maybe  48: Ever been in love: nope 47: Who’s your best friend: my neighbor that ive known since i was 4 46: More guy friends or girl friends: more girl 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: making cake  44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my cousin 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: not really  42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: ye 41: Have you pre-named your children: kinda 40: Last person I got mad at: my mom 39: I would like to move to: La 38: I wish I was a professional: animator

[ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: Kitkat 36: Vehicle: Cars 35: President: 34: State visited: California, Nevada, Texas, Hawaii,  33: Cellphone provider: 32: Athlete: n/a 31: Actor: Colin O'Donoghue 30: Actress: Lana Parrilla 29: Singer: Joe Jonas, Taylor Swift  28: Band: Big Time Rush 27: Clothing store: Hot topic, Ross,  26: Grocery store: Safeway  25: TV show: Once Upon A Time or PPG  24: Movie: Princess and the Frog and Ratatouille  23: Website: tumblr  22: Animal: elephant  21: Theme park: disneyland  20: Holiday: Halloween  19: Sport to watch: hockey  18: Sport to play:..i do not play  17: Magazine: i dont read mags  16: Book: Kingdom Keepers  15: Day of the week: Friday  14: Beach: one i went to in Hawaii  13: Concert attended: Jonas Brothers  12: Thing to cook: chowmein and strawberry shortcake  11: Food: Chowmein  10: Restaurant: my fav Chinese restaurant  9: Radio station: I don’t listen to the radio  8: Yankee candle scent: Vanilla  7: Perfume: Vanilla  6: Flower: Rose or Larkspur  5: Color: Black or blue  4: Talk show host: umm i dont watch many but i guess Jimmy Fallon  3: Comedian: Jaboukie Young-White or John Mulaney  2: Dog breed: Pomeranian  1: Did you answer all these truthfully? ye 

[popatochisssp]

Poppy, do you think you'd ever go back to doing imagines?

My answer turned into a whole tl;dr, ‘Poppy is sensitive and easily overwhelmed’ whining session, so I’m gonna put it under a cut.

I still do imagines sporadically, but I can’t commit to anything because work and fic updates are my main priorities. Obviously work is at the top of the list because duh, but my 100% Guaranteed ‘I Have Minimal Other Responsibilities and Can Actually Sit Down and Focus on Something’ time is Saturday and Sunday, so if I spend pretty much any of that on imagines, there ain’t gonna be a new chapter that week.

(And not to disparage the fun of doing imagines, but my effort-to-reward ratio for imagines vs. chapters is night and day, imagines are consumed in minutes  by the dozens with rarely any kind of response that I actually get to see and I am a very validation-driven person who gets very easily discouraged when I spend like an hour on writing something cute and nobody says anything, RIP)

BUT

I do like doing imagines. They are fun. I have like 60-70 of them hoarded in my inbox right now because I absolutely want to answer them eventually.

But my ability to do so hinges completely on how busy I am at work during the week– if the answer is anywhere from ‘busy’ to ‘very busy,’ I have no time or energy to do anything on the side but detailed-outline my next DL chapter to prepare for writing it on the weekend. If the answer is ‘not so busy,’ then I can, actually crank out an imagine or two!

…although I gotta be careful and not do too many because that tends to confuse people into thinking I’m accepting new imagines asks, so I end up answering like 4 in a row and getting 10 more in, so it’s like a ‘one step forward, two steps back’ kinda deal.

Either way, I don’t really get to control my busy-ness levels at work, so that’s out of my hands. :/

The closest I ever came to completely emptying my inbox once I started doing imagines in the first place was right after I finished FGTC, closed my ask-box entirely and imagines were all I did for like a month. It’s gonna be awhile until I get to that point again, we’re probably only at about the halfway mark for DL and my schedule only really allows for me to crank out one chapter a week, but I don’t currently have any other big fic projects planned (in any detail) for after that.

So… I think that’s probably what I’m gonna do once DL’s done, just shut down everything and work only on imagines until they’re all cleared out. That way I could actually feel okay marking myself as open to new ones without overwhelming myself and feeling like an asshole for ignoring all the ones I have right now…

If you’ve sent in a headcanon/imagine ask at some point in the past……..idk, ever…… and haven’t seen it yet, I probably still have it somewhere, I rarely delete asks and I’ll get to it eventually, just… y’know. Priorities…

OTL

[annakie]

Continued Notes on a Blog Cleanup

I started doing this a couple of weeks ago, I’m still doing it even though I’ve now passed the place I was trying to get to to find a thing awhile ago.  

But now I’m in March of 2013, closing in on two years of blog cleaned up.

I’m on page 1811 of 2968 (working backwards) with 15 posts per page.  My guesstimates are that since I started posting the blog cleanup I’ve generated about 100 posts, that’s probably a little on the low side, but it’s a workable number.  When I started I had 3021 pages of blog, so adding in about 7 more pages worth of blogs since then, that means I’ve deleted about 60 pages worth of my bog, or somewhere around 900 posts.

Sounds about right.

Anyway, here’s a bunch more thoughts on tumblr in general, this blog cleanup, and a Doctor Who Nostalgia Rewatch.

What’s crazy is that about 1/3rd of my entire blog was done in the first 18 months of its creation.  It’s now over 8 years old, but I hit the 2000th page back around November 2012, when the blog was made in May, 2011.  

I’m just now getting to the point in the blog where I kept a pretty full and steady queue in the first few months of 2013, so things move faster now instead of like 100 posts per day untagged like the early days.  And I didn’t post at all for most of the last couple of months of 2017 and early 2018 so, there’s a few-months gap there, eventually. But I figure... why stop the nostalgia tour now.  Mostly because I’m finding things I want to organize better.  I’m also finding a lot of  edits or personal posts I made and didn’t tag properly in the time period I’m covering right now. 

When all this is done, I’ll probably do a mass blog export again, now that I’m happier with the contents.  Tumblr ain’t gonna be around forever, y’all.

Still, deleting a lot of stuff.  Posts are being deleted for

Being out of date, like “Hey this game is on sale, go buy it!” or “SIGN THIS PETITION AGAINST CISPA!” or “The new season of Parks and Rec starts September 23rd" (of 2013 or whatever).  

Sometimes for being a reblog of a thing that I only marginally ever cared about and no longer do at all.  

Things that have now been proven false, or false alarms, or things we no longer have to worry about for whatever reason.  

“Hoooo boy it’s 2019 and now THAT sure turned out to be a bad take!” (”Guys, this new show called House of Cards is on!  It stars the AMAZING KEVIN SPACEY, I LOVE HIM!”  OK that wasn’t verbatim but close, and Yikes.)

Still, the cringiest of the cringe.  But there’s a lot less of that now, which is nice.  I at some point over the beginning of 2013 started doing a lot more tagging of my own posts so the tags are a much nicer place to look than some of the terrible other-people’s tags.  Although I’m still only tagging at like 60 - 70% of the time.

Observations:

What takes the longest is adding tags to posts.  So for the most part tags are only getting added to things I made.  About 45% of which are personal posts, and about 45% of which are mass effect creations posts, so far.  About 10% are things I think I may want to find again someday, though a lot of those things are being put in the “reblogging really old stuff” queue.

The blog is like, 30% Doctor Who, 40% Mass Effect and 30% Psych/Elementary/Leverage/Misc now.  It’s better.

I JUST started getting really to the part where I contributed a little more to the ME/DW fandoms besides yelling at hate-taggers.  Still.  Mid-2013 me is still doing that on occasion.  Although now it’s sometimes about Kaidan Alenko instead of just Martha Jones.  I’m still kind of torn about how I feel about all that now.  I’d say that it’s funny how there doesn’t seem to be a lot of it on tumblr these days.  Now it feels like we all have more important things to fight about.  Also, tumblr is, you know, on life support.

It feels like my blog liked and watched Supernatural longer than I did in reality?  It felt like a short flirtation to me, there continues to be supernatural content on my blog for over a year now.  Pretty sure I stopped watching mid-season 9 so maybe that’ll stop soon.  Still, way less than the general population of tumblr it felt like at the time.

People with names like 221BTardisImpala really were the worst about tagging their hate and other stupid stuff.

I’d somehow forgotten about that terrible, gross post twisting Kaidan into an “abuser” for stupid stuff like “He brought a bottle of alcohol (you know, the one Shepard bought him?) to Shepard’s quarters!” and “He did a bad thing at 17!” (and clearly the person we are at 17 is the same person he was at 34.) and and just the most asinine reasoning applied, and tagged.   The whole “I gotta tear down characters other people like to make my fave the REAL WINNER” is just... ugh.  I got back to that post and honestly, am still thinking I should have deleted the whole thing.

I’ve picked another few tags on controversial characters that I love like Jacob Taylor and scrolled through, and like I posted earlier about Martha Jones, hate tagging in general seems to just... not happen that much anymore, even after scrolling back a year or two in those tags.  That makes tumblr a nicer place to be. I know we still see the occasional like, shitty shakarian shipper in the Kaidan Alenko tag (and again, that is a very small % of overall shakarian shippers) but it’s nothing like what it used to be.

It won’t be long until the WTNV explosion happens on tumblr, or maybe it had already started at this point.  It took me a few months to catch on.  And then I’m gonna listen to it and love it, and ask for rec’s for more podcasts, then I’m gonna get into Thrilling Adventure Hour and the blog is gonna become a much more positive place.  Looking forward to getting to all that.

Does anyone know if there’s a theme or script that lets you add tags from your dash or main blog page without editing a post?  I’d go back and do this again to tag some more good reblogged posts, I think.  I’d probably have also deleted more stuff if I could have done it from my blog without going into editing. :p

Seriously though, tumblr feels like such a different place now.  It’s... quieter.  It feels almost like empty nest syndrome around here.  Or maybe I’m just curating my own experience so much better.  But again, when I do go look at other people’s blogs from posts I’ve reblogged, like almost none of them are still active.  Although it’s also surprising the number that died just like, in the last year.

Another interesting thing has been... watching the rise and fall of a personal friendship through the first few years of the blog.  Back then there were a few people who I was really close to, mostly online.  I can feel the main friendship I had with that person slipping away as their life changed significantly starting the previous few months from where I am in that blog.  And honestly, I did my own part of leaving them behind when I gained a whole new group of close friends from TAH.  We’re still like, facebook friends, but it’s a reminder of how fluid online friendships can be.  

Doctor Who Rewatch Thoughts:

I am going to catch up on my blog before I run out of Doctor Who to watch, I think.  Considering things are starting to take a lot less “grooming” now on the cleanup.

I’m now about to embark on Silence in the Library.  Am I ready to see River Song die again?  No.  I am not.  This will be the first time I watch these episodes in years, probably since Matt Smith was around?  Definitely since The Husbands of River Song.  This... will be difficult.

Hoo boy Voyage of the Damned was bad, I’d forgotten how bad.  Not Fear Her bad but, pretty bad. Though I was amused that there was a character named Foon.  For some reason that word had always triggered something in my mind when they called the world that on Hello From the Magic Tavern and now I know why.

Martha Jones, still awesome in Season 4.  Donna Noble shines brightly.  Although I’d forgotten how much weaker the first half of her season is than the very good second half.

That was the first time I’d watched The Fires of Pompeii since Capaldi took over.  Funnily, I felt like his character got more Twelve-Like as the episode went on somehow.  The long scene between just Ten and Capladi’s character was neat to watch in retrospective.

[k-u-z-u]

Can you do them all for us. I know it's a lot to ask but it's just easier like this. Thank you

Ah shit, here we go again. To who though? This is the 2nd time I do this, so you could at least send me a message you know. At least I would know who wants to know 200 informations of me :’D

200: My crush’s name is: @xedalist199: I was born in: 2000198: I am really: in love197: My cellphone company is: Huawei196: My eye color is: green195: My shoe size is: EU 39194: My ring size is: I don’t know tbh, I never wear ring.193: My height is: 171 cm192: I am allergic to: I don’t have any allergies.191: My 1st car was: I can’t even drive. :’D190: My 1st job was: waitress189: Last book you read: Eastern by Martin Kay188: My bed is: Not so comfy.187: My pet: fish186: My best friend: @sangeki-x185: My favorite shampoo is: Syoss pure184: Xbox or ps3: pc183: Piggy banks are: useless182: In my pockets: I don’t have pockets right now. If i have, usually nothing.181: On my calendar: Nothing because my life is boring.180: Marriage is: not meant to make you happy179: Spongebob can: make Krabby Patty178: My mom: too loud177: The last three songs I bought were? I’ve never spent money on songs before.176: Last YouTube video watched: A hungarian streamer’s highlights video.175: How many cousins do you have? 3174: Do you have any siblings? Yes, a brother.173: Are your parents divorced? no172: Are you taller than your mom? yes171: Do you play an instrument? No but I would love to.170: What did you do yesterday? worked, played[ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: yes168: Luck: yes167: Fate: yes166: Yourself: no165: Aliens: no164: Heaven: no163: Hell: no162: God: I just don’t care.161: Horoscopes: kinda160: Soul mates: yes159: Ghosts: yes158: Gay Marriage: yes157: War: no156: Orbs: yes155: Magic: no[ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: meh both >153: Drunk or High: drunk152: Phone or Online: both151: Red heads or Black haired: ahh booooth150: Blondes or Brunettes: both :’D149: Hot or cold: cold148: Summer or winter: winter147: Autumn or Spring: autumn146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate145: Night or Day: night144: Oranges or Apples: oranges143: Curly or Straight hair: on me, straight but both ftw142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk chocolate140: Mac or PC: pc139: Flip flops or high heals: flip flops138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor137: Coke or Pepsi: neither of them136: Hillary or Obama: Obama? :’D I’m not from the USA135: Burried or cremated: burried134: Singing or Dancing: singing133: Coach or Chanel: ugh never heard of Coach before :’D132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: I don’t even know them :’D131: Small town or Big city: small town130: Wal-Mart or Target: -129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: -128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure127: East Coast or West Coast: East126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney123: Yankees or Red Sox: -[ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: It’s pointless.121: George Bush: -120: Gay Marriage: Two people who love eachother decide to spend the rest of their lives together. It’s just normal marriage.119: The presidential election: -118: Abortion: -117: MySpace: -116: Reality TV: It can be funny af.115: Parents: My parents? You don’t want to know what i think about them.114: Back stabbers: They are disgusting.113: Ebay: Usually trash.112: Facebook: It’s okay.111: Work: It’s good, if you are working you can buy stuff you want.110: My Neighbors: I never see them so they are ok. :’D109: Gas Prices: TOO HIGH108: Designer Clothes: Having them is just showing off.107: College: It’s aight.106: Sports: I’m not interested in it.105: My family: lmao104: The future: If it’s with my bf, it’s perfect.[ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: I don’t even remember.102: Last time you ate: an hour ago101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: on monday100: Cried in front of someone: last week99: Went to a movie theater: months ago98: Took a vacation: 2 weeks ago97: Swam in a pool: years ago?96: Changed a diaper: in august ugh95: Got my nails done: a year ago maybe, I usually do it for myself94: Went to a wedding: few years ago93: Broke a bone: never92: Got a peircing: never91: Broke the law: years ago maybe90: Texted: 2 minutes ago[ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: Me. I’m funny af.88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: nothing87: The last movie I saw: Gone Girl86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Living with @xedalist85: The thing im not looking forward to: my exams lol84: People call me: Dorina83: The most difficult thing to do is: Living without @xedalist82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope81: My zodiac sign is: Aquarius80: The first person i talked to today was: mom79: First time you had a crush: When I was 10yo.78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: @xedalist77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday76: Right now I am talking to: @xedalist75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I will never grow up sry.74: I have/will get a job: I kinda already have.73: Tomorrow: I’ll play league and rest FINALLY.72: Today: I worked.71: Next Summer: Hopefully will live with @xedalist70: Next Weekend: I’ll do nothing as well yaaay.69: I have these pets: fishes68: The worst sound in the world: Cardi-B’s voice67: The person that makes me cry the most is: -66: People that make you happy: @xedalist , @sangeki-x , @dark-blind-love65: Last time I cried: yesterday64: My friends are: the best63: My computer is: fast af yay62: My School: ugh61: My Car: I don’t have car.60: I lose all respect for people who: are violent.59: The movie I cried at was: Kimi no na wa58: Your hair color is: light brown57: TV shows you watch: Dance moms lmao56: Favorite web site: :) Tumblr :)))55: Your dream vacation: As long as I’m with @xedalist, everything is like a dream.54: The worst pain I was ever in was: -53: How do you like your steak cooked: I don’t like steak.52: My room is: aight51: My favorite celebrity is: Melanie Martinez50: Where would you like to be: with @xedalist49: Do you want children: yes ♥ @xedalist48: Ever been in love: so in love rn47: Who’s your best friend: question 186 pls46: More guy friends or girl friends: I’m okay with both.45: One thing that makes you feel great is: music44: One person that you wish you could see right now: @xedalist43: Do you have a 5 year plan: kinda yes42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no41: Have you pre-named your children: yeeees40: Last person I got mad at: mom39: I would like to move to: Canada38: I wish I was a professional: nail artist, yep[ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: I hate candy.36: Vehicle: car35: President: -34: State visited: -33: Cellphone provider: -32: Athlete: -31: Actor: -30: Actress: -29: Singer: Melanie Martinez28: Band: Mamamoo27: Clothing store: I don’t have a favorite.26: Grocery store: They are all kinda the same :’D25: TV show: Dance moooms24: Movie: K-1223: Website: still Tumblr:)22: Animal: cat21: Theme park: -20: Holiday: Christmas19: Sport to watch: -18: Sport to play: esport ftw17: Magazine: -16: Book: -15: Day of the week: Friday14: Beach: -13: Concert attended: -12: Thing to cook: cakes11: Food: everything hehe10: Restaurant: a hungarian one9: Radio station: I don’t listen to radio.8: Yankee candle scent: Never owned a Yankee candle before. Too expensive :’D7: Perfume: Avon Attraction6: Flower: hydrangea5: Color: blue, black4: Talk show host: -3: Comedian: -2: Dog breed: not a fan of dogs1: Did you answer all these truthfully ? yes

[bohemianrhapsody86]

200 Things About Me (originally 200 Things You Can Put In My Ask)

I got this off of @rami-malek-trash - don’t know who the original poster was, sorry if it’s you. I’m bored and cramping and no one usually sends me asks anyway, so I’m just going to answer all of these myself 

200: My crush’s name is: Drew (Now boyfriend, but he was my middle school crush) 199: I was born in: 1986 198: I am really: cool 197: My cellphone company is: T-Mobile 196: My eye color is: green 195: My shoe size is: 9.5/10 194: My ring size is: 9/10 193: My height is: 5′6″ 192: I am allergic to: Nothing 191: My 1st car was: 2001 PT Cruiser 190: My 1st job was: Server at a local pizzeria 189: Last book you read: Startalk: Everything You Ever Need to Know About Space Travel, Sci-Fi, the Human Race, the Universe, and Beyond by Neil DeGrasse Tyson 188: My bed is: Not very comfortable. I need a new mattress, but I need a job first.  187: My pet: A siamese cat named Chico. 186: My best friend: Amanda  185: My favorite shampoo is: I like using Aussie 2-in-1, I also like using Shimmer Lights occasionally so I can keep my gray hairs nice and shiny.  184: Xbox or ps3: PS3 183: Piggy banks are: Cool. I have one that counts my change lol 182: In my pockets: Nothing because they hate putting usable pockets in women’s pants.  181: On my calendar: I marked where I started my period yesterday, and my boyfriends 32nd birthday is next Tuesday.  180: Marriage is: Something I want everyone to have the option for if they want it. 179: Spongebob can: use his imagination 178: My mom: is amazing! 177: The last three songs I bought were? Cool and Sucker by The Jonas Brothers, Don’t really buy many singles, just albums if I’m interested and their cheap.  176: Last YouTube video watched: Brooke Candy - Paper or Plastic 175: How many cousins do you have? Too many to remember 174: Do you have any siblings? Yes, an older brother and older half-sister. 173: Are your parents divorced? Yes, they divorced back in 1999 172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes. We used to be the same height, but gravity has taken a hold of her and squashed her down.  171: Do you play an instrument? I used to play the trombone in middle school, but that was 20 years ago. I’m sure if I ever got my hands on one again, I might remember a scale or two.  170: What did you do yesterday? Went around town job hunting and then bought a maxi dress at a local craft store.  [ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight:Yes 168: Luck: Yes 167: Fate: Yes 166: Yourself: Sometimes 165: Aliens: Yes 164: Heaven: Yes and No 163: Hell: We live there now. 162: God: No 161: Horoscopes: Yes 160: Soul mates: Yes 159: Ghosts: Yes 158: Gay Marriage: Yes 157: War: No 156: Orbs: Yes/No 155: Magic: Yes [ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: Kisses 153: Drunk or High: High  152: Phone or Online: Online 151: Red heads or Black haired: Black haired 150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunette 149: Hot or cold: Cold 148: Summer or winter: Winter 147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn 146: Chocolate or vanilla:Chocolate 145: Night or Day: Night 144: Oranges or Apples: Apples 143: Curly or Straight hair: Curly 142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk Chocolate 140: Mac or PC: PC 139: Flip flops or high heals: Flip Flops 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet and Poor 137: Coke or Pepsi: Always been a Pepsi girl 136: Hillary or Obama: Obama 135: Burried or cremated: Cremated and turned into a tree or my ashes made into a vinyl 134: Singing or Dancing: Singing 133: Coach or Chanel: Neither 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Katherine McPhee 131: Small town or Big city: Small Town 130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben Stiller 128: Manicure or Pedicure: Mani 127: East Coast or West Coast: East Coast - never been to the West Coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Birthday because it sometimes falls on Thanksgiving.  125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney 123: Yankees or Red Sox: Neither, Cubbies til the day I die.  [ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: Pointless 121: George Bush: Better than the asshat in office now. 120: Gay Marriage: If I can get married to my boyfriend, the my friend Jerry should be able to get married to his boyfriend, Josh.  119: The presidential election: I hate that orange buffoon.  118: Abortion: I’m pro-choice.  117: MySpace: Always had trouble figuring out my Top 8 and what background I wanted to use.  116: Reality TV: Only thing I really watch are cooking competitions. Those are the only ones that matter. Not a fan of the Kardashians or the Bachelor/ette bullcrap.  115: Parents: My mom is amazing, my ‘dad’ was never really there.  114: Back stabbers: Asshats 113: Ebay: Hardly use it.  112: Facebook: Good to stay in touch with people you want to/some of the groups on there are awesome.  111: Work: Don’t have a job as of yet. *keeps fingers crossed I hear back from someone soon* 110: My Neighbors: Loud AF and nasty. I live in an apartment and the neighbors upstairs have so many kids and animals up there it’s ridiculous. I wish they’d leave.  109: Gas Prices: Ridiculous, but not as bad as I’ve seen it before.  108: Designer Clothes: Meh, not my style unless I find something in my size at Goodwill.  107: College: Been there, done that. Not really for me. Never graduated.  106: Sports: I like watching them, mainly baseball and basketball. The NFL can go fuck themselves.  105: My family: Love my blood relatives and my chosen family.  104: The future: It’s so bright, I gotta wear shades.  [ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: last night when my boyfriend came over and brought me my phone charger.  102: Last time you ate: An hour ago. 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: At my bestie’s baby shower.  100: Cried in front of someone: Sometime last week 99: Went to a movie theater: When Endgame came out 98: Took a vacation: 2010 97: Swam in a pool: A few summers ago 96: Changed a diaper: 2007? 95: Got my nails done: 2007? 94: Went to a wedding: 1999 93: Broke a bone: Never *keeps fingers crossed* 92: Got a peircing: 2012? 91: Broke the law: I probably broke the speed limit yesterday at some point.  90: Texted: about 2am this morning.  [ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: My bestie Amanda and boyfriend Drew 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cat. 87: The last movie I saw: Ant-Man  86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: getting a job 85: The thing im not looking forward to: Interviewing for a job 84: People call me: loyal 83: The most difficult thing to do is: finding a job 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Yep, 77 in a 55. 81: My zodiac sign is: Sun - Sagittarius, Moon - Leo

80: The first person i talked to today was: If you count texting my boyfriend at 2am, then him.  79: First time you had a crush: Sometime in Elemetary School.  78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my mom 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday 76: Right now I am talking to: myself 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I have no clue 74: I have/will get a job: soon 73: Tomorrow: Never Comes 72: Today: Is the day 71: Next Summer: Not here 70: Next Weekend: I have no clue 69: I have these pets: 12 year old 17 lb cat named Striper.  68: The worst sound in the world: My cat hacking up a hairball.  67: The person that makes me cry the most is: myself 66: People that make you happy: my mom, brother, sister-in-law, boyfriend, best friend. 65: Last time I cried: sometime last week 64: My friends are: amazing 63: My computer is: pretty cool and loaded up with Sims stuff.  62: My School: I don’t go to school anymore.  61: My Car: gets me there.  60: I lose all respect for people who: disrespect me or my loved one.  59: The movie I cried at was: Endgame 58: Your hair color is: salt & pepper 57: TV shows you watch: Legends of Tomorrow, Worst Cooks in America, Any cooking show really.  56: Favorite web site: Tumblr 55: Your dream vacation: Somewhere away from my town 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: when I had that ovarian cyst. 53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium 52: My room is: messy 51: My favorite celebrity is: too many to list  50: Where would you like to be: in bed 49: Do you want children: nope 48: Ever been in love: yes 47: Who’s your best friend: Amanda 46: More guy friends or girl friends: About the same.  45: One thing that makes you feel great is: music 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my grandma 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: I don’t even have a 5 minute plan 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Kinda, not really 41: Have you pre-named your children: Nope 40: Last person I got mad at: The Dump, but that’s a daily thing.  39: I would like to move to: out of the US 38: I wish I was a professional: crocheter/crafter [ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: Butterfinger Cups 36: Vehicle: Don’t really have one 35: President: Barack Obama 34: State visited: Pennsylvania 33: Cellphone provider: Always been with T-Mobile 32: Athlete: Anthony Rizzo 31: Actor: Tom Hanks 30: Actress: Sandra Bullock 29: Singer: Freddie Mercury 28: Band: Queen 27: Clothing store: Lane Bryant 26: Grocery store: Aldi 25: TV show: Don’t really have one 24: Movie: Too many to count 23: Website: This black hole of a site 22: Animal: Cat 21: Theme park: Don’t really have one. I did enjoy Six Flags over Georgia when I went back in 2002. Dollywood is always fun but it’s been even longer than that since I’ve been there.  20: Holiday: Halloween 19: Sport to watch: Baseball 18: Sport to play: Nothing.  17: Magazine: Entertainment Weekly 16: Book: Harry Potter 15: Day of the week: Thursday 14: Beach: Virginia Beach 13: Concert attended: Jonas Brothers in VA Beach 12: Thing to cook: bacon 11: Food: bacon 10: Restaurant: Hmmm....don’t know that one.  9: Radio station: Classic Hits 102.7...hardly any commercials and they tell you the artist and song title after every song. 70s, 80s, and 90s songs.  8: Yankee candle scent: Don’t have one 7: Perfume: The scented oils from a local curiosity shop have some of my fave scents.  6: Flower: Iris 5: Color: Blue 4: Talk show host: Jimmy Fallon 3: Comedian: I’ve got several 2: Dog breed: Corgi 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes.    

[awkward-toshinori]

Hey Yo, can I get all 200 asks for the ask meme thing? Please and thank you!

Absolutely

200: My crush’s name is:

Horia

199: I was born in:

Romania

198: I am really:

friendly and trustworthy

197: My cellphone company is:

Digi

196: My eye color is:

Aqua Blue

195: My shoe size is:

7,5

194: My ring size is:

20?? hell if i know tbh

193: My height is:

5′7

192: I am allergic to:

nothing

191: My 1st car was:

I can’t drive yet!!

190: My 1st job was:

No jobs yikes :c

189: Last book you read:

Sword of Destiny!!

188: My bed is:

messy and full of plushies

187: My pet:

no pets but ahh  my baby plant

186: My best friend:

I’ve got tons of them and I’m pretty sure they know themselves

185: My favorite shampoo is:

ah I don’t really have any preferences

184: Xbox or ps3:

*big gasp* ps3

183: Piggy banks are:

They’re superb but I would feel so bad about wrecking one

182: In my pockets:

Glasses tissues

181: On my calendar:

uh there’s nothing noted yet

180: Marriage is:

Something quiet amazing and lovely, at least from my point

179: Spongebob can:

aww man I don’t watch spongebob

178: My mom:

is shorther than me, that’s for sure

177: The last three songs I bought were?

I didn’t buy any songs but I did buy albums and the last three I bought I suppose were Aenima by tool, Portrait of An American Familly by Marilyn Manson and Slipknot by Slipknot, I think

176: Last YouTube video watched:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4q9UafsiQ6k

175: How many cousins do you have?

2 or 3 I think

174: Do you have any siblings?

Yes, one

173: Are your parents divorced?

nope

172: Are you taller than your mom?

yes B)

171: Do you play an instrument?

Not yet but I’m planning on getting a bass so

170: What did you do yesterday?

I went to a cool concert

169: Love at first sight:

not rlly

168: Luck:

nope

167: Fate:

also no

166: Yourself:

no *oops doopsie I’m sorry*

165: Aliens:

yes

164: Heaven:

nah

163: Hell:

no

162: God:

nopety

161: Horoscopes:

not really

160: Soul mates:

hmm  a bit

159: Ghosts:

no

158: Gay Marriage:

157: War:

not really

156: Orbs:

not really  :/

155: Magic:

no but I find it interesting154: Hugs or Kisses:

hugs

153: Drunk or High:

I personally wouldn’t go for any of those but drunk ig

152: Phone or Online:

online

151: Red heads or Black haired:

black haired

150: Blondes or Brunettes:

ah, blondes

149: Hot or cold:

cold

148: Summer or winter:

winter

147: Autumn or Spring:

spring

146: Chocolate or vanilla:

vanilla

145: Night or Day:

night

144: Oranges or Apples:

oranges

143: Curly or Straight hair:

straight

142: McDonalds or Burger King:

McDonalds

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate:

White Chocolate

140: Mac or PC:

PC

139: Flip flops or high heals:

flip flops

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor:

sweet and poor tbh

137: Coke or Pepsi:

coke

136: Hillary or Obama:

Obama??!!

135: Burried or cremated:

cremated

134: Singing or Dancing:

singing

133: Coach or Chanel:

coach

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks:

I uh, none

131: Small town or Big city:

big city

130: Wal-Mart or Target:

I had never went to one though Wal-Mart

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler:

Adam Sandler

128: Manicure or Pedicure:

Manicure

127: East Coast or West Coast:

East Coast

126: Your Birthday or Christmas:

Christmas

125: Chocolate or Flowers:

flowers

124: Disney or Six Flags:

disney

123: Yankees or Red Sox:

Yankees

122: War:

I uh personally don’t agree with them and uh dunno

121: George Bush:

Don’t have one yet

120: Gay Marriage:

I find it lovely but too sad it’s not legal here so

119: The presidential election:

Quiet stinky as in no good choices

118: Abortion:

See this topic rips itself in two, if it’s intentionally done I personally think it’s the worst thing to do but that someone can do whatever they want, it’s their body after all, though if it happens and it’s not intended just, big sad react

117: MySpace:

I don’t have an opinion on it

116: Reality TV:

I don’t really watch it nor like it

115: Parents:

I would’ve appreciated if my parents showed me more support and love but not that I have anything against our type of relationship at the moment so

114: Back stabbers:

I totally not like them so I choose to cut contact with them 

113: Ebay:

It’s fine till now

112: Facebook:

I’m not a big fan of Facebook

111: Work:

If it’s something I love, it makes me feel good but if it’s not it kind of brings a feeling of uneasy and frustration to me

110: My Neighbors:

They’re chill, the baby and the puppy are my favorites 

109: Gas Prices:

kinda shitty here

108: Designer Clothes:

They can design what they want however they want, this is not really a topic of interest for me

107: College:

I can’t wait to get to it ngl

106: Sports:

Not one of my interests but they do look fun

105: My family:

I tolerate them easily but yeah I love them

104: The future:

Other than that I’m scared as hell regarding the future? nah

103: Hugged someone:

Eh!! Today!!

102: Last time you ate:

7 hours ago??

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile:

Oh last week I think

100: Cried in front of someone:

U H, yesterday

99: Went to a movie theater:

last thursday

98: Took a vacation:

last Christmas

97: Swam in a pool:

last summer

96: Changed a diaper:

never tbh

95: Got my nails done:

OH, it’s been ages since I’ve done that

94: Went to a wedding:

4 years ago

93: Broke a bone:

never nyehehe B)

92: Got a peircing:

I don’t have any but planning on getting some

91: Broke the law:

never

90: Texted: 

minutes ago

89: Who makes you laugh the most:

tbh, my friends

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is:

my stuff but mostly my baby plant

87: The last movie I saw:

Captain MArvel

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most:

finishing high school

85: The thing im not looking forward to:

Missing upcoming opportunities

84: People call me:

Satana(I have the perferct explanation)

83: The most difficult thing to do is:

talk in servers or groups tbh

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket:

Oh I’d feel terrible and embarassed tbh

81: My zodiac sign is:

LEo

80: The first person i talked to today was:

my boyfriend

79: First time you had a crush:

in 5th grade

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from:

My boyfriend.. because he knows when something’s up with me or if something’s not good

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking:

hmmm weeks ago I think

76: Right now I am talking to:

@angelwings-234

75: What are you going to do when you grow up:

be a programmer 

74: I have/will get a job:

I hope to get one as a programmer in the future (though hell If I know what exactly yet)

73: Tomorrow:

I’ll probably hope for school to end faster just so I can nap

72: Today:

I haven’t done much tbh

71: Next Summer:

Will be so busy and I’m so not up to it

70: Next Weekend:

I’ll be going to a cool ass contest

69: I have these pets:

I have a baby plant!!!

68: The worst sound in the world:

static noise

67: The person that makes me cry the most is:

myself?? sounds a bit edgy

66: People that make you happy:

all the close friends in my life and some artists along with stuff I enjoy a lot

65: Last time I cried:

yesterday

64: My friends are:

There are too many to list them but luv them all

63: My computer is:

full of games that I’m probably not going to finish in the following 2 months

62: My School:

kinda sucks when it comes to students

61: My Car:

does not exist yet

60: I lose all respect for people who:

who are rude and big mean bags of shit?? I could detail this but dunno

59: The movie I cried at was:

Interstellar 

58: Your hair color is:

blonde

57: TV shows you watch:

SOA, Gotham when my bf watches it and I don’t really like TV shows though I have some on my waiting list

56: Favorite web site:

https://www.pbinfo.ro/

55: Your dream vacation:

just, somewhere around a forest, it’d be quiet lovely ngl

54: The worst pain I was ever in was:

tooth pain

53: How do you like your steak cooked:

a bit raw tbh

52: My room is:

ass messy as me

51: My favorite celebrity is:

uhhh Corey Taylor

50: Where would you like to be:

Right now?? At my bf, if it wouldn’t bother him..

49: Do you want children:

ABsolutely

48: Ever been in love:

still am ig

47: Who’s your best friend:

I have too many but love them all so much

46: More guy friends or girl friends:

I have more guy friends apparently 

45: One thing that makes you feel great is:

achieving something

44: One person that you wish you could see right now:

All of my best-friends tbh

43: Do you have a 5 year plan:

I do

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die:

Not yet and I doubt I’d do it

41: Have you pre-named your children:

me and my bf came up with some names but who knows

40: Last person I got mad at:

My bf i think

39: I would like to move to:

another city in my country, a much bigger one

38: I wish I was a professional:

artist

37: Candy:

Haribo

36: Vehicle:

Renault or Dacia

35: President:

don’t really have one

34: State visited:

I haven’t been to any at all

33: Cellphone provider:

Digi

32: Athlete:

I don;t have one yikes

31: Actor:

Hmm Benicio Del Toro

30: Actress:

I like some but I don’t have a favorite one

29: Singer:

Peter Steele, his voice is simply, lovely

28: Band:

Ohhh anon Tool and Cargo atm

27: Clothing store:

I don’t have a fav one

26: Grocery store:

any??

25: TV show:

Sons Of Anarchy

24: Movie:

The Alien trilogy

23: Website:

Twitter I think

22: Animal:

Cat

21: Theme park:

I don’t really have one

20: Holiday:

Christmas

19: Sport to watch:

ski jumping

18: Sport to play:

Volleyball I think

17: Magazine:

Don’t have one

16: Book:

The Shinning

15: Day of the week:

Saturdays

14: Beach:

Don’t really like beaches

13: Concert attended:

Truda’s concert for moment but I suppose Disturbing’s going ro replace it or maybe Cannibal Corpse, who knows

12: Thing to cook:

Pudding

11: Food:

Noodles or cremeschnitte

10: Restaurant:

One called Anna

9: Radio station:

don’t have one

8: Yankee candle scent:

dreamy summer nights

7: Perfume:

men’s one are my favorite, gotta admit it

6: Flower:

ORchids

5: Color:

purple and black

4: Talk show host:

don’t have one

3: Comedian:

A romanian one, can’t remember his name

2: Dog breed:

German Shepherd, American Eskimo, Border Collie, Golden Retriever, Siberian HUsky there are too many I can’t choose only one

1: Did you answer all these truthfully?

yes I did it oh god

[louisaadams]

TW: death and suicide

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I just need to vent to someone not grieving, sorry.

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On Friday right before going to work I found out one of my close friends killed herself. Her name was Becca, she just turned 19. I met her my senior, her junior, year of high school in math class. I met her because she was friends with one of my best friends. She ended up sitting right behind me because, alphabet. I talked to her everyday in class and got to know her really well. She was such a kind and happy and welcoming person. She was really good at makeup and had a goth hippie aesthetic she really kept up with. She was very into 60s/70s music and so was I. I let her copy my homework and cheat off my tests. We got along really well and had a great dynamic with our math teacher. We one time connected a bunch of tangle fidget toys together to make a really long one. I don’t know what to do with it so I ended up giving it to her. I ended up giving her a lot of things I was getting rid of because our aesthetics were so similar. We had a lot of fun in that class. We also talked a lot about deep personal stuff. She also watched me do art towards the end of the year in math class when it was ap crunch time. She was really interested in what I was doing. After I graduated the next year I went back a few times to see my choir teacher and always made sure to go into the art class she was in to see her. I knew nobody else in that class. At the end of the school year I told her she should listen to Simon and Garfunkel because she would really like it. She did start listening to them and enjoying them. The last time I saw her was at the art show. I saw her towards the end so I got to hang out with her a bit. I met her family. Summer makes people drift apart so I hadn’t talked to her in awhile but was hoping to hang out with her before school starts, even though she was going to the same college as me. Then on Friday I found out the news. August 1st, 2019 she ended her own life a week after her 19th birthday. None of us really know why it happened and are still completely shocked. She seemed like such a happy person. The only indication something was wrong was one day in math class, her, I, and our other friend were talking and she said “I hurt myself last night” that’s about all I remember from that coneversation, but that line stuck in my head. A few days later I did see cuts on her leg. I wasn’t super close with her, but she was a really good friend. I saw someone post on twitter there was nothing you can say bad about her, which is completely true. She was such a good person.

I have been crying pretty much nonstop for the past 2 days. I am constantly thinking about her. She is the first person in my life to die that has affected me so greatly. I read her obituary yesterday and it said she spent her final days singing Simon and Garfunkel songs, which is because of me. Today was her viewing, which was really hard, but I forced myself to go an say goodbye and pay my respects to her family. There were so many people there. We waited over an hour before getting to her. She looked so beautiful. She didn’t look peaceful though, she looked sad. It made me so sad to see her like that. She is free now, with the stars, with some of her idols. I miss her so much.

I realized why else this is hitting me so hard. When I was 14, turning 15 I told myself if my life didn’t improve in the week after my birthday I would kill myself a week after my 15th birthday. My life actually did improve because I am here now. I just feel so bad thinking she was probably thinking the same thing, but she felt like her life didn’t improve.

Thank you Becca, thank you for the 2 years of friendship, thank you for keeping my entertained in math, thank you for sharing your Spotify playlists with me after I got Spotify again, thank you for the laughs, thank you for the memories. I will forever miss you.