#its 5 stars for me but I also have criticisms that I intend to try and formulate into a backloggd review this weekend

[thanksvideogames]

vesperia screenshot dump no.4: i beat the game edition :)

check img descriptions for thoughts and context

[oathbreakerapologist]

SADS, Sortie, and the Theater of Violence, an Essay

In the lead-up to "A.M.F.", as the group is discussing the plans for Stone's "feast," Garv asks, "Why have these last ones been like this big fuckin' production?" (SADS 4: 59)

Production. That's a loaded word.

Production connotes the making of theater, or perhaps film—generically, a performance. More specifically, it connotes the act of putting together such a performance, realizing it, bringing it into being. The use of "production" there is far from the only time such a connotation graces the opening scenes of "A.M.F." Earlier, Mal asks whether Stone intends it to be a "free-for-all" or if he will "give [them] direction in the moment." (SADS 4: 34) Direction. That's a loaded word too. It could be innocuous enough by itself, but in a scene already rich with the motif of performance its presence is anything but innocuous. And the scene is loaded with that motif; after all, Stone's response to that question is to say, "I do the whole thing, and you guys watch me." (SADS 4: 35) The scene has direction, production, an actor, and an audience. Is there any way to escape the conclusion that "Feast" is a piece of theater?

Theater for whom? In that moment Stone portrays the other four as an audience to his performance—"It's that control over the insurmountable being witnessed by those around me" (SADS 4: 42, emphasis mine)—but those lines are blurred from the beginning, for he says that he also wants to help him "lift and maneuver things as necessary" (SADS 4: 36), and, of course, they will be having sex with him. It turns out that the apparent audience members are actors too. That fact forces a look at the inverse thesis: if the audience is the supporting cast, might not the star be an audience member too? Of course he is, for he is a consumer whose role is "gorge [himself] on" it. (SADS 4: 42) Perhaps the only with an utterly ambiguous place in the production in "Feast" is Evan—Evan, who was so unambiguously cast in his role—who also happens to be the only individual with no agency at all in the situation; how ironic that the only true actor is the only non-agent.

In many ways the framing of "A.M.F." as a performance is remarkable, but it's also absolutely not alone in being framed as such. The lead-up to "A.M.F." crystallizes the theme of violence-as-theater, but that theme has been floating around, even intensifying, since the beginning. That's the essence of Garv's critique of "Feast" and the previous murders: they are "this big fuckin' production." Garv seems remarkably attuned to the increasingly performative nature of the murders, as is evidenced by the way that he favorably compares Jake's to the others' murders in "BOG" as well (SADS 5: 91–92). Though undoubtably part of his motive in making that comparison is to keep Jake on his side, his "production" comment in "A.M.F." suggests that Garv is legitimately critical of the escalating role of performance in the murders. Even Garv sees the murder in "A.M.F." as predictably theatrical based on the increasing theatricality of the previous murders.

In that light it's only logical that Garv initiated the events of "BOG" in the way that he did. If you are attempting to ensure that an event cannot become a piece of theater, how do you go about that? You bring the actors in without a clue about what they are to be doing; you bring them in uncostumed (Stone even arrives in his work scrubs); you bring them in when they weren't expecting to be brought in. The irony, of course, is that "BOG" is just as theatrical as its predecessors. Try as he might, Garv cannot scrub it of theme, allegory, metaphor. Perhaps the attempt to de-theatricize the murder in BOG fails ultimately because, with that many actors in the room, Garv's careful decontextualization merely results in an improv. Perhaps a witnessed act of violence is doomed to be a performance.

To butcher an old cliché, when a lone actor commits a murder with no one around to see it, is it still a piece of theater?

Sortie forces a reckoning with that question. One of the more remarkable shifts that occurs between Sad Sack and Sortie is that Sal's acts of violence in Sortie are designed to be unwitnessed. Hence the frantic phone call to Father Morgan when Harris' son is unexpectedly home at the time of the murder. The need to be unseen is somewhat of a theme that haunts Sal throughout the first three issues of Sortie. When he orders Ivan to stay in the room during "I am a Man of Peace," Sal says, "He just saw my face, so he can't leave this room alive." (Sortie 2: 91) One might read that as a dark joke—Gary and Ivan probably assumed as much, though it's hard to imagine either of them could have lingered on that for too long given everything else occurring at that moment—but it's impossible to ignore the fact that Sal is telling the truth about his intentions with Ivan. His honesty on that front lends credence to the idea that he's being similarly honest about the relevance of Ivan seeing his face. That he remains unwitnessed is of vital importance.

That the murders in "I am a Man of Peace" take place mostly "off-screen" to the readers further serves to strip it of an audience, as does the implication that it occurs mostly outside of Sal's recollection. Sortie unstages its violence, forces Sal out of the role of an actor and into a different role altogether, one in which the nature of the violence he enacts cannot be veiled by the mechanisms and context granted by theatricization.

In doing so it asks: This is no longer a performance. Who are you to still be watching?

[mediaevalmusereads]

American Breakdown: Our Ailing Nation, My Body's Revolt, and the Nineteenth Century Woman Who Brought Me Back to Life. By Jennifer Lunden. Harper Collins, 2023.

Rating: 4/5 stars

Genre: memoir, history of medicine, history of science

Series: N/A

Summary: A Silent Spring for the human body, this wide-ranging, genre-crossing literary mystery interweaves the author’s quest to understand the source of her own condition with her telling of the story of the chronically ill 19th-century diarist Alice James—ultimately uncovering the many hidden health hazards of life in America. When Jennifer Lunden became chronically ill after moving from Canada to Maine, her case was a medical mystery. Just 21, unable to hold a book or stand for a shower, she lost her job and consigned herself to her bed. The doctor she went to for help told her she was “just depressed.” After suffering from this enigmatic illness for five years, she discovered an unlikely source of hope and a biography of Alice James, the bright, witty, and often bedridden sibling of brothers Henry James, the novelist, and William James, the father of psychology. Alice suffered from a life-shattering illness known as neurasthenia, now often dismissed as a “fashionable illness.” In this meticulously researched and illuminating debut, Lunden interweaves her own experience with Alice’s, exploring the history of medicine and the effects of the industrial revolution and late-stage capitalism to tell a riveting story of how we are a nation struggling—and failing—to be healthy. Although science—and the politics behind its funding—has in many ways let Lunden and millions like her down, in the end science offers a revelation that will change how readers think about the ecosystems of their bodies, their communities, the country, and the planet.

***Full review below.***

CONTENT WARNINGS: descriptions of chronic fatigue and dismissal by doctors, allusions to suicidal ideation, feelings of child abandonment, animal testing

During disability pride month, I saw this book on a reading list and became intrigued. I'm normally not a huge enthusiast about books on the medical system, but this one had a tie-in to the 19th century, so I was willing to give it a shot.

Overall, I found Lunden's book incredibly thought-provoking. Not only does it offer a personal meditation on chronic illness, but it also critically examines everything from the history of synthetic chemicals to environmental pollution to Big Pharma and our overburdened medical system under capitalism. I like the way Lunden treats these topics as all inter-related, mirroring her ultimate argument that the body is a complex series of inter-related systems, not unlike an ecosystem.

I appreciated Lunden's ability to explain complex systems in a straightforward manner, and though I usually feel lost when talking about medicine and pharmaceuticals, Lunden was careful not to lose me. I also found the tie-ins to the story of Alice James very compelling, and the trajectory from James to Lunden helped put Lunden's experiences in a wider context.

I do think, however, that some aspects of this book didn't quite land as intended. For one, Lunden inserts a discussion about the heroine's journey and how it can be used to interpret health and medical care. While I understand what she was trying to do, I don't necessarily think the masculine-feminine models as they pertain to (frankly, outdated) folklore studies are useful as anything other than a theoretical framework. Again, I understand what Lunden was trying to do, but I think her point could have been better made without Campbell.

I also think some references may need updating, if possible. I noticed a lot of studies from the early 2000s, and while I understand data might not be available for 2023-2024, it does mean that sometimes Lunden is relying on 20 year old material. Maybe the data hasn't changed, but I have no way to know that.

TL;DR: Despite some minor shortcomings, American Breakdown is an illuminating examination of how healthcare, illness, and synthetic chemicals become distorted under capitalism. This book views a number of things as interrelated, so I would recommend this book if you're interested in how bodies (and social systems) are more like webs than a collection of distinct entities.

[wishing-stones]

how did you come with the plot for r&r? its so nicely written and i constantly struggle with coming up with plots for multichapter fics despite desperately wanting to write one, so im wondering what your process was?

This one got long

Originally, the plot came about from a one-word prompt done for my oneshot collection. The story wound up with more background to it than I intended, and I decided to try and fill it out a little more. I'm kind of old-fashioned, so I used a plot diagram and slapped the important bits in there before thinking about what all else I'd like to put in a story like this.

Picking a villain was pretty easy; who is stupid and/or ballsy enough to pick a serious fight with Nightmare? XGaster, who could be made a main antagonist easily. He also has the added bonus of having a personal investment in fighting Nightmare (Cross) That gave me my conflict, and filling out what needed to happen between that and the resolution got handled too.

I knew I wanted this to be a reverse harem sort of dealio, so everyone needed to have their own arc with the reader. Everyone needed to have character development. To do that with Nightmare meant having to include his brother, and it gave me an avenue to do their resolution and also include the stars. Killer and Cross needed to come to an understanding, but after realizing that would only really come about after they go to blows, they needed a doctor.

Enter Baggs, who I have sort of stuck with the Bad Sanses for a hot minute in my own sort of personal plot space and in general thought mess. Formally including him would also just be a nice little self-indulgent thing since he's a seriously bastardly brainrot. It also gave me an excuse to work with him more, and, unintentionally though it was, introduce more people to him and his AU.

With the cast figured out, I could start placing little scenes I wanted to happen in the appropriate places on the timeline. As I wrote it, some things were off-the-cuff, some things popped up early, some things got nixed, and a whole character who I hadn't originally intended to include got included anyway due to source material being released between plotting and writing (XChara.)

The actual ending got pulled out of my ass because I only had a couple bulletpoints for the post-fight resolutions. There's a couple whump lines there I'm especially proud of.

That being said, there's a couple continuity errors that need fixing and places where things didn't quite go according to plan, so always be prepared to compromise and fix in post. I also never had a beta reader and basically went "FUCK IT WE BALL" with every update. (I did re-read them and fine-tune them after the initial write before posting them, but that's it.)

In short, the process was: 1. Come up with the initial idea 2. Refine the idea (Starting point, rising action, conflict, resolution) 3. Place the idea on a plot diagram 4. Figure out scenes you want and place them accordingly 5. Figure out how characters are (or are not) going to change and place the catalysts for the actions and where/when their arcs will conclude/when they have gone through their development 6. Pad it out-- make scenes connect and plot points make sense 7. Start writing. Keep writing. Pace yourself. You'll finish it eventually and with a roadmap, you'll always know where you're going. Feel free to embellish on the details and don't be afraid to move things up or back in the progression of the plot if it makes more sense while writing it.

And if there's anything I've learned from this, it's that:

a. Your audience is a lot nicer than you think they are. You are absolutely your own worst critic. b. Don't be afraid of mistakes, just go with the flow. You can edit things in post when you re-read it, even if that's after you posted it.

I really hope this helps!

[kevinsreviewcatalogue]

Review: Alien: Romulus (2024)

Alien: Romulus (2024)

Rated R for bloody violent content and language

<Originally posted at https://kevinsreviewcatalogue.blogspot.com/2024/08/review-alien-romulus-2024.html>

Score: 3 out of 5

Alien: Romulus is a movie I've seen another critic describe as the best possible adaptation of its own theme park ride. Specifically, it's a nostalgia-bait sequel of the sort that both the horror genre and Hollywood in general have seen a ton of in the last several years, set between Alien and Aliens and filled with voluminous shout-outs and references to both films -- and, for better or worse, the rest of the Alien franchise. It's a very uneven film that's at its worst when it's focusing on the plot and the broader lore of the series, repeating many of the mistakes of other late-period films in the franchise while also being let down by the leaden performance of its leading lady (especially amidst an otherwise standout cast), but at its best when it's being the two-hour thrill ride that writer/director Fede Álvarez intended it to be, hitting some impressive highs with both great atmosphere and some intense sequences involving the aliens stalking and killing our protagonists as well as them fighting back. What few new ideas it brings to the franchise are largely secondary to the fact that this is pretty much a "greatest hits" reel for the Alien series, a film that, for its first two acts at least, is largely a straightforward and well-made movie about people stumbling around where they shouldn't and getting fucked up by creepy alien monsters.

Said people this time are a group of young workers on what seems to be Weyland-Yutani's grimmest mining colony, located on a planet called Jackson's Star whose stormy, polluted atmosphere means that it's always night on its surface. They don't want to spend their lives in this awful dump, so when they hear about a decommissioned spacecraft that's been towed into orbit, they decide to go up there, loot it for any cryogenic stasis chambers and other valuables it may have on board, and then take their shuttle on a one-way trip to another planet, a plot description that right away reminds me of Álvarez's previous film Don't Breathe about a group of crooks breaking in somewhere they shouldn't. When they get there, they find that it's actually a former research facility split into two halves, Romulus and Remus, where scientists had been conducting research into a little something-something they'd recovered from the wreck of a derelict space freighter called the Nostromo... and that there's a reason why this place was hastily abandoned and left to get torn apart by the rings of Jackson's Star. Yep, this place is infested with xenomorphs who are eager to chow down on the bunch of little human-shaped snacks who've just come aboard.

This movie's got a great ensemble cast that I often found myself wishing it focused more on, and which it seemed to be trying to frequently. David Jonsson was the MVP as Andy, a malfunctioning android who serves as the protagonist Rain's adoptive brother. He has to play two roles here, that of a childlike figure in a grown man's body who frequently repeats the corny dad jokes Rain's father programmed into him, and the morally ambiguous figure he transforms into after he's uploaded with data from the station's shifty android science officer Rook, including his mission, his loyalty to the Weyland-Yutani Corporation, and his cold calculations about human lives. Archie Renaux and Isabela Merced were great as the brother and sister Tyler and Kay, the former a hothead who you know not only isn't gonna make it but is probably gonna fuck things up, and the latter as somebody who, at least in my opinion, should've been the film's heroine, especially with her subplot about being pregnant making her struggle to get off Jackson's Star into a mission to get a better life for her child than what they'd face in such a dump. All in all, this was a great cast of young actors who I can see going places...

...and then you have Cailee Spaeny as Rain Carradine. Look, I don't want to hate Spaeny. While she's been in plenty of bad movies where her performance didn't exactly liven up the proceedings, she also proved last year with Priscilla that she can actually act. I don't know if it was misdirection, miscasting, a lack of enthusiasm, or what, but Spaeny's performance felt lifeless here, with only a few moments where she seemed to come alive. The character had some interesting ideas behind her in the writing, such as Rain's background as an orphan, her having apparently lived on another planet before Jackson's Star, and her relationship with Andy, who serves as an adoptive brother of sorts and her only connection to her family, and a better performance probably could've done a lot to bring those ideas to life. But Spaeny, unfortunately, just falls flat. She seems to be getting into it more during the action scenes where she has to run from and eventually fight the aliens, especially a creative third-act sequence involving what the xenomorphs' acidic blood does in zero gravity, but during the long dramatic sequences, she simply felt bored even as the rest of the cast around her was shining. Honestly, Kay should've been the protagonist just from how much livelier Merced's performance was. Give her the focus, and bring her pregnancy to the forefront given how it winds up impacting the plot, meaning that she's the one who has to do that at the end, the one for whom it's personal, while Rain's relationship with Andy ultimately leads to hazy judgment that costs her dearly (and believe me, there was a head-slapper on her part towards the end). Spaeny may have been styled like a young Sigourney Weaver in the older films, but she was no Weaver.

Fortunately, behind the camera, Álvarez makes this one hell of a horror rollercoaster. It's a very fast-moving film, but even so, he's able to maintain a considerable sense of tension throughout, the film clearly being a product of somebody who loved the older films and, more importantly, knew how to replicate what worked about them on screen. Yes, there are the obligatory quotes of the older films that can feel downright cringeworthy with how they feel shoehorned in, even if I did think they did something funny with how they used "get away from her, you bitch!" by making it come off as deliberately awkward from the film's most deliberately cringy character. But Álvarez also knew how to make the Romulus/Remus station a scary, foreboding place using many of the same tricks he learned watching Ridley Scott and James Cameron do the same with the Nostromo and Hadley's Hope, making full use of the busted lighting and the '70s/'80s retro-futuristic aesthetics that have long lent this series its characteristic worn-down, blue-collar feel. Even when the plot was kind of losing it in the third act, calling back to the series' lesser late-period entries in the worst way (I don't really want to spoil how, though if you read between the lines with what I said earlier about Rain and Kay, you can probably figure it out), Álvarez always made this a very fun and interesting film to actually watch.

The Bottom Line

When it comes to revivals of classic sci-fi horror properties, Alien: Romulus isn't as balls-out awesome as Prey was last year, with a whole lot of components that don't work as well as they should. That said, it's still a very fun and intense movie that delivers the goods where it counts, and was quite entertaining to watch on the big screen.

[drearymiddle]

To boldly go where many blogs have gone before: A Star Trek series analysis (Part 1)

Originally written by Mr_Turnabout on 20 February 2020 over on the old Dreary Middle website. This was the only article we ever published so we thought it would be nice to preserve it as a reminder of what once was, so enjoy!

I have seen many Sci-Fi shows, but there is something special about Star Trek that makes it stand out among the rest.

Yes, Star Trek is quite the franchise. Spanning currently 7 different series, 13 movies and hundreds of episodes, you can't complain about lack of content. I feel recently Star Trek has had a weirdly negative wrap to it. I know that sounds weird defending one of the most profitable franchises in the history of Television and one of the Father's of Sci-Fi, but hear me out.

I think that people have forgotten how great Star Trek truly is, there is this misconception that it's just a silly Sci-Fi show for nerds and....while yes that may be true it is also so much more than that. Star Trek is an incredibly well written franchise, containing some of the best episodes of a series I have ever seen, even managing to hold up against the best shows that we have today. Writing wise a lot of Star Trek has aged like a fine wine, managing to still be relevant despite some series being decades old.

Now is Star Trek perfect? No, at the worst of times you question how some episodes can even be from the same show from how awful and flat out stupid some of the episodes are. The next generation has an episode where a character has sex with a ghost. Deep Space Nine had an episode where the crew get sucked into a game board, while one of the main cast has to play the game that has them trapped. Enterprise famously has a finale that is considered one of the worst episodes in the franchise. It's stuff like this that makes me black out for 45 minutes and makes me wonder if what I was watching was even real, that being said this is the minority of the franchise and is in no way a representation of the franchise.

Now with me gushing over this franchise you would think that I grew up with it or something right? Well that's where you'd be wrong as it turns out, I myself avoided Star Trek for so long because of its representation, I thought it was the typical Sci-Fi show that didn't age all that well, quite like classic Doctor Who....or modern Doctor Who, anyway I didn't truly give Star Trek series a chance till I was 19 and even by then I was reluctant to try it out, but when I started with The next Generation, I was hooked. This post will be talking about what I like about each individual series as well as the order I watched them in, now I will like to preface that I have not seen all of Star Trek, heck many hardcore fans would say I'm not very far at all. I have finished The next generation (twice), 5 seasons of Deep Space Nine, 4 seasons of Voyager, 8 out of 10 of the original Star Trek movies, the 3 Kelvin timeline movies, the first and last episodes of Enterprise, about 2 episodes of the original series, 4 episodes of Picard and none of discovery, so this post is definitely subject to change and may require a follow up. Regardless I have at least seen enough to tell you why it is great and that you should see it if you haven't.

The Star Trek movies are a mixed bag, but when they're good they're really good.

My first real exposure to Star Trek as a whole was from a little underground YouTuber called 'The Nostalgia Critic' (irony fully intended), he was doing a marathon of the "bad" Star Trek films and my little 14 year old self, laughed and slapped his thighs together at this funny man making comments about how silly these movies were, but it had the unintentional effect of actually getting me interested in the films. My friend in secondary school was a big Trekkie (or is it Trekker?) and I asked him if I could borrow some of those films on DVD, before streaming services were the norm we had to watch our films in physical form kids. So I marathoned those films and at the time I thought some were great and some were really bad, so let's go over the quality of each one real quick.

I. The Motion Picture: Beautiful looking movie, but really boring. Great at introducing you to the main cast of the original series, especially for someone like me who has never seen it. Decent start 6/10.

II. The Wrath of Khan: One of the best Sci-Fi movies ever, tells an excellent story about one of Kirk's old enemies coming back for revenge and a very powerful ending. 9/10.

III. The search for Spock: Not a bad effort here, but it suffers from being in between two of the best movies in the franchise. Kind of undoes the ending of Wrath of Khan in quite a strange way but overall still pretty fun. 6/10.

IV. The Voyage Home: Excellent time travel story that's one of the more fun entries in the series, it's just great to see these characters go back to the past (to play those s* games that suck ass) and interact with people from the 80's. 8/10.

V. The Final Frontier: What does God need with a starship? 3/10.

VI. The Undiscovered Country: Great sendoff for the original cast, great villain introduced in this one too. 8/10.

VII. Generations: The proceeding movies goes on to ruin said great sendoff and instead shows Picard looking at an old photo album and having a little cry. 4/10.

VIII. First Contact: Very fun Sci-Fi movie, weird characterisation for Picard in this one but overall I like the horror atmosphere of this one and that soundtrack is fantastic. 7/10.

If you want my ranking personally I would rank them II > IV> VI > VIII > I > III > VII > V

And what about those characters? Well I'll go into the next generation cast later but the Original series cast are all very fun to watch and have great chemistry. It's no wonder that Captain Kirk and Spock became cultural icons, they are always great on screen together and characters like Bones is one of the funniest characters in the series for his more down to earth characterisation compared to the rest of the cast, these characters aren't particularly deep or anything but they are well written and I would recommend the movies for someone's first exposure to the series, it worked for me.

So what about those Kelvin timeline films?

Shortly after checking out those original movies, I went on to watch the Kelvin timeline movies as at the time into Darkness was on it's way out in 2013, so I thought I may as well check out the 2009 one. Here's the thing I don't think these movies are bad, in fact I find them rather enjoyable, not so much with into Darkness, but the other two are pretty good summer action movies. The characters are, again quite likable, being a reboot of the original series they captured elements of the original characters well, while putting a little twist on them. Captain Kirk was known for being a ladies man in the OG series so now we get to see him actually have THE sex I've heard so much about on the big screen, when I first saw this my eyes bugged out of my head in a cartoon like style, that's for sure.

Into darkness unfortunately has the issue with remaking an all time classic so it was going to suffer as a result, I don't think Cumberbatch captured the more spite filled performance of Ricardo Montalbán's take on the character of Khan and it reeked of "You know this right? Remember this?" That being said the other two films I do enjoy, they are more action packed than your average Star Trek and are filled with Lens flare for some reason, but I would check them out if I were you, they're enjoyable romps, but if you don't like them you didn't hear it from me.

The Next Generation is as good as your mother says it is.

When I said the Kelvin Timeline movies were my next introduction to the series, I meant it. I didn't touch a Star Trek series at all until the year of 2016, after I had saw Beyond in cinema. I felt like it was time to check it out, if I enjoyed the movies, surely, I could enjoy the series that they spawned from, right? Well to say that the Next Generation is a good series would be understatement of the century. The next generation really is something special, its characters are fantastic, the episodes tell some of the best stories you will ever see on the silver screen and it has some of the best writing I have had the pleasure of seeing.

The characters are so diverse and are more interesting than the OG series, which I already enjoyed from the movies. Captain Jean-Luc Picard (played excellently by Patrick Stewart) is the best captain in the series, not only do most the best episodes revolve around him, but it's his ideals that make him one of the more interesting characters in the series. Picard tends to follow orders from Star Fleet and for the most part even if it may seem like a bad thing to do at the time, Picard will follow orders, quite unlike a Kirk, that broke the rules all the time. It's this element of Picard that makes him really fascinating to watch, a by the books captain was the best way to go for a series like this, most the time Picard will not resort to violence and will choose to talk his way out of a situation instead. He's stern but also fair and seeing his interests in the performing arts and literature just adds more to this already interesting character.

The rest of the supporting cast are great too. Data, an android with no emotions but wishes to understand them is another great character rivalling Picard in popularity, watching him be put in situation that revolve around his lack of emotions and if he counts as a lifeform makes for some of the best stories in the next generation. First officer Riker, is also another great character to watch, he's everything you want from a first officer, he's more fair than Picard most the time but he can be quite stern too when he needs to be and a lot of great episodes revolve around what he decides to do when Picard isn't there to give him orders. The final character in this series I want to touch on is Worf, the security officer who is also a Klingon who was raised by humans. This added an element of an outsider on the crew to the series, there are many episodes where he has to deal with his culture as a Klingon vs his place on Star Fleet, this really was progressive writing for the time it came out.

I will go over some of the episodes in the show that really show off how fantastic this series really is.

The Measure of a Man (season 2): One of the, if not the most famous episode of the show. Data's identity as a lifeform comes into question when a scientist wants to take him apart. A hearing is ordered, with Picard defending that Data is indeed a lifeform. This is the episode that won me over on the series and showed me that The Next Generation was truly something special.

Yesterday's Enterprise (season 3): A fantastic episode, where the Enterprise gets caught in a different timeline where they are at constant war with the Klingons. Shows that Star Trek could tell these alternate reality stories extremely well.

The Best of Both Worlds and Family (season 3 and 4): The Borg show off how deadly they are by taking Picard and turning him into one. One of the greatest cliff-hangers is the history of television, please watch this. Family shows the aftermath of the situation and shows an emotionally weakened Picard.

Clues (season 4): A fun episode where the crew of the Enterprise wake up after blacking out for what they think is a small period but actually turns out to be longer than expected, this turns into a mystery to find out what's going on as one of the crew might be holding back some information from the others.

The Drumhead (season 4): One of the best episodes in the series for how it, for lack of a better term tackles racism. Picard has to defend a member of his crew who is Romulan, which is an enemy of the Federation. "Have we become so… fearful, have we become so cowardly… that we must extinguish a man? Because he carries the blood of a current enemy?"

I Borg (season 5): A Borg is taken aboard the enterprise with the intention of infecting the rest of the collective, but the longer the Borg stays on the enterprise, the more of its humanity it gets back. Picard has to decide whether it's right to kill this Borg or if it has the right to live like everyone else.

The Inner Light (season 5): Picard lives out an entire lifetime of someone he does not recognise, he grows close to the family of the person he is living out the life of and it becomes a rather emotional and sad tale. Don't miss this one.

Chain of Command (season 6): Patrick Stewart shows off some of his best acting, when he is taken away and tortured. This shows the psychological torture Picard has to endure and the final few minutes of the episodes are as chilling as they are brilliant.

Tapestry (season 6): Picard has a chance to redo his life after his artificial heart gives out and Q offers him to go back in time so that he never needed an artificial heart at all. Great episode that shows us not to regret our actions but instead learn from them and better ourselves.

All Good Things… (season 7): A fantastic finale that brings the series full circle with the very first episode in the series, where we get to see 3 different versions of these characters from different time periods. Excellent finale.

To wrap up what I have to say on The Next Generation, it really is a fantastic series and they don't make them like this anymore. Sci-Fi has lost a lot of the intelligent writing that went along with it, nowadays the genre needs to have action and explosions in it to appeal to a mainstream audience. No one wants to see an episode that questions what we consider a lifeform or an intelligent discussion on if we should follow orders all the time even if it's not always the right thing to do. Why watch that when we can see starships blowing up. Hahaha, I love space pew pew pew shoot the lasers KA-BOOM HAHA IS THIS SCI-FI YET? IS THIS THE GENRE YOU ALL LOVE SO MUCH? IS THIS SCI-FI YET?

Originally written by Mr_Turnabout on 20 February 2020 over on the old Dreary Middle website

This was the only article we ever published so we thought it would be nice to preserve it as a reminder of what once was, so enjoy!

[300iqprower]

Hypothetical Rank Ups No. 43&44: Morgan

[D i s c l a i m e r : I was GONNA do this way later but they keep giving her freakin rate-ups and I wanna put my idea out before they do their inevitable official rank up for her even if it’s almost certainly going to just be a standard NP rank up. But anyways Morgan is actually a fine unit as is and doesn't need these, it’s just she’s gotten a reputation for being extremely underwhelming because she is one of the only post-Olympus EX SSRs to not feature absurd levels powercreep. So this isn’t to ‘fix’ her, she has a 50% charisma and a 50% battery with an NP that’s supereffective against the most common attribute. She’s fine. But she’s seriously lacking in flavor with all her effects being things anyone else might have just with better numbers.

That’s why I’m giving her these two rank ups, so she has that uniqueness that makes her moveset feel like a proper Lostbelt King’s. As much as I rightfully complain about the powercreep, it pisses me off they did Morgan like this as an LBK, and if I can’t fix the balance I can at least fix the flavor. So without further ado:]

Protection of the Lake C -> Lady of the Lake C-

Increase NP Gauge for an ally. Increase NP Gain for all allies (3 turns). Inflict Magic Seal [unit’s next Skill or NP activation will have no effect; cannot be removed by cleanse effects] to a single enemy (1 time). (2 times at skill level 6.)

Hey ya know how despite Fate Morgan literally being Nimue/Vivian herself, Castoria has a higher rank of Protection of the Lake? Yeah that’s shit so let’s give Morgan a proper Lady of the Lake skill that has all that and more. It remains a low rank and in fact goes from C to C- because, since Morgan isn’t truly the legend Nimue and the Morgan identity is in full control, it ends up diluted. It has its own version of a Seal though, one that is to Seal what Enforcement Defense is to Evade. Based on the same magic used to seal away Merlin, this skill inflicts a seal equivalent of Buff Block. Where Buff Block prevents incoming buffs, this prevents outgoing buffs and even outgoing NPs. Were this skill in its true form, it would be far more long lasting, but as is it’s at most 2 charges on a single enemy. To give an example, normally if you have 3 enemies and a Merlin is among them, if Merlin has Buff Block on him, then when he casts Illusion, all enemies except for him will still get Invincible and all allies will still get crit damage down. If he has Magic Seal placed on him though, the skill has no effect, period. All of its outgoing effects are preventing meaning Merlin’s allies wont get buffed and his enemies wont get debuffed from that skill use. And if he were to try and NP with a charge on him, it would be a complete waste of an NP and his gauge would go back to zero rather than staying in place like a typical NP Seal effect. In practice this means that if your team is meant to stall, it might be more in your interest to not use her battery+NP gain and instead double your opponent’s charge time with the battery and NP gain being a powerful bonus. It can also of course be the other way around during quests against enemies that have a select few powerful buffs that throw wrenches into things, boosting NP and pre-emptively shutting those down. Lastly because it cannot be cleansed the only way for the ai to deal with it is to walk right into the trap, much like how they can do nothing against Enforcement Defense except let you tank their hits.

From the End of the World A -> EX-

Apply Guts to self (1 time, 4 turns).^ Increase own Critical Star Gather Rate (3 turns). Increase own Critical Strength (3 turns). Apply buff to self (4 turns): -Decrease ATK for all enemies each turn (1 turn).^ -Decrease Critical Rate for all enemies each turn (1 turn).^ Gain Critical Stars. Gain defensive Class Affinity advantage against [Knight] and [Cavalry] classes. (5 turns).

And now the main course. This was actually the only rank up I intended at first but then I realized not only does Morgan’s second skill being a copy paste fucking suck, it was that: a copy paste. For some reason i was just under the assumption her version was AOE, probably because ya know...Lady of the Lake, she literally hands out blessings. But no. Unlike Castoria, Morgan has no AOE battery even though that’d be the perfect fcking parallel of Morgan’s lesser battery being AOE and Castoria’s greater battery being the AOE one and like I said the flavor lining up. So that’s why I gave her that previous one as well. In exchange, I removed the cooldown reduction I had intended on this skill as well as any increase to the guts HP, the crit buff, or the star bomb. 

What did I keep? Well obviously I had to increase the duration of her Guts. 3 turns is just too few, especially given the new stall effects she’s gonna get. I also have the scaling and the duration of her gimmicky debuff increased, being an additional turn with an additional 5-10% scaling in exchange for making up for the fact it could be resisted more easily. Lastly is the big one, and the effect that was the only reason I even started on giving such a well off servant a rank up: Turning Morgan into a Ruler. Sort of. I mean, effectively the same since she’s already taking double damage from avengers, so she just doesn’t get full advantage against Moon Cancer. (Laugh while you can BB, you have plenty of other servants to worry about.) But honestly that just makes it better since the point isnt to be pro-ruler, it’s to be anti-knight and cavalry. I’ve been told that in LB6 at least there’s a proper reason for Morgan to be Berserker rather than Ruler like her initial lostbelt self or a Caster like her PHH self, but that just gives that much better a reason to give it to convey we’re dealing with a Lostbelt King here. According to her materials, this is the skill that splits her from her PHH self, someone who fought and kicked and scraped her way to the top, and succeeded. She made it, she lived to see the end of everything. In that sense, she is fundamentally different from PHH Morgan...at a cost. PHH Morgan was still a caster because she is anything but impartial, actively seeking power for herself. When Morgan was initially summoned in a lostbelt, she lost that side of her, becoming something separate from a sense of good or evil, and becoming a ruler as a result. This is the Berserker Morgan who, through their connection to Ritsuka, has rediscovered a fragment of that self, even if only enough for a temporary shift. This is the Morgan who reaches the end of the world, and remembers to look back when she gets there.

[philipkindreddickhead]

I often seen critiques of make up from an existential/philosophical perspective, but I rarely see criticism of cosmetics from a stand point of the very physical bodily harm it does. I think this is because the number of dangerous ingredients is so massive, and overlapping its an absolutely daunting task. So I've compiled the information I've found and bear with me its a lot. (This is from an American perspective. Sorry, thats what I know. However I would love it if people from other countries had things to add.)

First I want to get the "simple" stuff out of the way. I think almost everyone has heard about bacteria and fungi in makeup and that makeup causes acne from clogging pores. Makeup has a pretty strict shelf life, yet consumers are entirely supposed to self-police as Ive never seen a single expiration date on any cosmetic packaging. (I guess consumers are meant to pull this knowledge out of the ether or something. I only found out about it in a tumblr PSA. I did read that expirys are on products in Europe.) Beauty blenders are the worst offender because theyre almost always moist. When I was taught makeup I was told to wet my sponge so it would soak up less product. If you apply makeup daily your sponge is likely constantly damp. USA Today had an article which said that 96% of sponges had fungi and over 60% had E. Coli in them. But I think what people talk about less is the complication of problems from using other products in conjunction with dirty beauty blenders. USA Today warns its especially dangerous to use beauty blenders if you have damage to your skin like acne, cuts, or dry skin. However the most popular beauty products for washing your face contain walnut pieces for literally scrubbing your skin and creating microabrasions. If youre a frequent makeup user you probably know about the cyclical nature of applying foundation, breaking out, and then applying more foundation to cover the breakout. You may even be using scrubbing cleansers more frequently to combat the acne creating more tears. This can lead to "blood poisoning" and, though neither USA today or Forbes mentions this, blood poisoning (not a medical term btw. Its sepsis.) according to numerous medical sites has the potential to be extremely lethal. The symptoms are so similar to a regular flu its nearly impossible to self-diagnose.

The very first thing I was told when a friend handed me a jar of finishing powder- popular with many beauty gurus for the "baking" technique and considered a must have- was a joke about "clown lung." This was a reference to the main ingredient talc. Talc causes lung problems including cancer and respiratory illness. If anyone remembers the large Johnson and Johnson lawsuit from 2019 it was because theyd been putting talc into baby powder. Talc is dangerous because it's impossible to mine and seperate from ASBESTOS. Some high-end finishing powders will try to sell you on safe talc-free formulas but all the products I looked into contained mica instead which causes pneumoconiosis, colloquially known as "black lung disease." Like fucking coal miners get. Its not just present in finishing powder either. In my research it turned out that talc/asbestos are also present in many eyeshadows and other powder products. [Googleable, evidenced in J&J lawsuit]

Another industry to examine is nail salons. Toluene, Formaldehyde, Dibutyl Phthalate, and Methacrylate compounds are all dangerous ingredients and present in various salon products. These ingredients cause a range of problems from dizziness, drowsiness, birth defects, slow fetal growth, future intellectual disabilities in the fetus, eye skin and throat irritation, coughing, allergic reactions, asthma-like attacks, short-term memory loss, nausea, dermatitis, cancer, and misscarriage. Some nail products advertise that they are 3-free meaning that toluene, formaldehyde, and DP should be absent but often the labels are found to be completely inaccurate. It should be noted that the risk is mainly to salon workers and not patrons but ask yourself if it is right to place other people at serious risk for your aesthetic. OSHA does make an attempt to mitigate these risks however not once in my years of makeup queen did I see a salon following these directives which include constant air monitoring, half mask respirators with chemical cartridges, gloves, long sleeves, and safety glasses. (And Im not even going to touch issues of human trafficking/slave labour out of nail salons one case of which occured 5 days ago two hours away from me) It should also be noted that formaldehyde can also be found in hair relaxers and hair dyes. [Found articles in Scientific American and NYT]

I also found on the FDAs website that many cosmetics include heavy metals like arsenic, mercury, and lead. (Usually accompainied by a picture of lipstick so I assume that is the product most likely to contain it, however campaign for safe cosmetics lists foundation as containing heavy metals, and The Guardian has an article about skin lighteners from Asia and Africa containing mercury.) The website stated that the amount of these heavy metals in cosmetics is "safe" if used as intended. (and I'm going to come back to the concept of "intended use" later because thats a can of worms too) However, when searching for info on heavy metal safety I found this quote in regards to metals in food:

"Certain metals, such as arsenic, lead and mercury, have no established health benefit, and have been shown to lead to illness, impairment, and in high doses, death. Understanding the risk that harmful metals pose in our food supply is complicated by the fact that no single food source accounts for most people’s exposure to metals in foods. People’s exposure comes from many different foods containing these metals. Combining all of the foods we eat, even low levels of harmful metals from individual food sources, can sometimes add up to a level of concern"

So like, which is it? Is it a "safe amount" or is no amount of metal safe? I understand that in the case of certain foods like fish some amount of mercury poisoning is always expected but fish is also something you feed yourself and nourish your body with while cosmetics are completely unecessary to your survival. The mercury problem in fish is also mitigated by health warnings when mercury levels are particularly high but cosmetics have no such warning. Another warning on the site indicated that children should ingest NO amount of lead AT ALL because it is particularly harmful for kids yet theres no effort to stop children from using lead-containing cosmetics. I worked next to a Five Below where I was shocked to find they sold Jeffree Star and Anastasia eyeshadow dupes for five dollars which amounts to fucking pocket change for a lot of kids and kids do buy that stuff. I also think its ironic the FDA would have anything to say regarding cosmetics because in the very same article about heavy metals in cosmetics the FDA says that they DO NOT REGULATE cosmetics beyond the color additives.

Mascara, eyeliner, lipstick, and brow tint often contain carbon black. This is a color additive that is an incomplete combustion of carbon-based products. It can cause lung disease, cancer, and organ system toxicity, and eye, nose, throat irritation. The effects are mainly studied in rats and those at biggest risk are industrial workers but why do other workers have to endure lung problems for something so unecessary? [Easily googleable, NIH, CDC, WHO Europe]

This next bit I only want to mention briefly because I didnt find any particularly reputable sources about it, but its a claim that cropped up repeatedly and I think its an interesting one. Parabens, estrogen, phthalates (again), and pesticides in cosmetics are apparently linked to endocrine disorders and hormone dysregulation. Im not entirely sure what is meant by this accusation. Endocrine disorders include female diseases like PCOS and possibly endometriosis. None of these diseases is very well studied and the female endocrine system itself is not well studied either. Im not saying "cosmetics cause PCOS" because we dont know if PCOS or these other endocrine/hormonal disorders are genetic or environmental or both (it appears that PCOS is largely genetic and Endometriosis is likely autoimmune related) AND we dont appear to know for sure that cosmetic ingredients cause endocrine disorder. But I include anyway for a number of reasons:

If you happen to struggle with hormonal problems you may want to know cosmetics is a potential environment factor.

These conditions are incredibly painful. It will be a battle getting your doctor to even acknowledge that pain for diagnosis. PCOS is linked to diabetes, and heart disease. [Thanks @mother-of-pearl ] There is no cure and the treatments are often throwing hormonal birth control at it and hoping for the best.

I dont anticipate the link between cosmetics and endocrine disorders being studied any time soon or any endocrine disorders studied at all because the medical/scientific field is sexist. I dont want women to suffer in the mean time.

Now again, take this with a grain of salt because I couldnt find scientific or news sources for it. Dont fucking come for me. Im not gonna respond to you. [Most reputable source was a paper from the library of medicine at the national institutes of health but it was behind a paywall and I dont have 39 dollars to be right on tumblrdotcom]

Avoiding these ingredients is not as simple as scanning the label for them. As many beautubers and the community are no doubt aware considering multiple scandals over veganism. Products advertised as vegan or cruelty free but contain non-vegan carmine or are sold in China which legally requires the products to be animal tested. Cosmetic companies will hide ingredients claiming they are "trade secrets" or they will be placed under "fragrance." Many ingredients will be known by six or seven different names and asking consumers to be aware of seven different names for multiple ingredients requires consumers to be aware of innumerable different, often complicated ingredient names. I shouldnt have to point out that's a ridiculous burden to place on women. The EU banned 1,300 hazardous ingredients that the US did not. Cosmetic companies rely on women being unwilling/unable to bring in a list of 1,300 ingredients- with multiple names- every time they pop in to the drug store, sephora, or wherever. Buying "natural" products will not help you either. Theres no established criteria for natural/organic in costmetics, the FDA doesnt test these products, and "natural"=/= safe anyway. Plenty of plants and minerals are poisonous. One good example is traditional kohl products which advertise their natural status but also naturally contain lead and reiterating that natural powders contain mica. US courts are rarely on the side of consumers either. I found an interesting lawsuit against St. Ives for their apricot scrub taken to court for their "dermatologist tested" label despite it causing breakouts and cuts to the skin. The courts ruled that this label was fine because it only indicated that the product was TESTED not APPROVED by dermatologists. However I think any rational consumer would look at this label and assume the tests concluded it was safe for use or else why put the label on there?

[Googlable XMONDO drama, googlable laws wrt china and eu, already stated about FDA, FDA website about Kohl. Googled St. Ives lawsuit.]

I want to return to the idea of "intended use." This is sort of a fucky concept a lot of companies have ways of getting around. My "last straw" with makeup had to do with a run-in I had with Anastasia over their "Riviera" eyeshadow palette. In this pallette they had two colors that were the real feature of the palette, an electric neon purple and a radioactive pink I mean every photo, every promotion has these two colors swirled together around the eye. Because again, its an eyeshadow palette. When I buy the eyeshadow palette of course there's a little insert warning in the package that says these two shades are not intended on the eye area. In an eyeshadow palette. Contacting their customer service they told me that these two shades were meant to be used as a blush. neon purple blush. Not only that, but their website and instagram featured NO models wearing the shades as blush while EVERY model one or more of the shades as eyeshadow. When asked about this discrepancy ABH stopped responding. What I find egregious about this is the amount of people who dont know, and then more staggeringly; dont care. The sephora clerks didnt know, the in store abh representative didnt know, their customers didnt know, and when I told them they would respond with "oh, [brand] did the same thing with their [shade]." Sure enough, when I demanded that store clerks open the packaging to look for warnings nearly every product had an "eyeshadow" that was not intended for use on the eyes. Relegating dark, red-toned teal to "contour" and neon grean to "highlighter" US-based cosmetic junkies will say that these pigments have been approved for use by the EU however I found absolutely NO evidence of that. I googled it a thousand ways but all I ever found were blog posts, reddit comments, and one quote from an apparently nonEuropean layman in an Insider article. I even changed my location to France on ABH's website and the Norvina palette still contains the same warnings (not to harp on ABH in particular. I just know which shades in particular are the problem there). The Insider article noted that brands who were selling pressed pigments declined to comment. If the pressed pigments were EU friendly, I would think companies would be clamouring to say so. It also still makes their market as eyeshadow colors illegal in the US. (If any Europeans would like to chime in I'd love that.) Another problem I find with cosmetics companies and their reps is the claim that the worst thing that could happen is eye irritation for those with sensitive eyes and staining. How could they possibly know? The FDA doesnt test, or approve these cosmetics in the eye area, so ostensibly no one should be using it that way.

The next one is a bit of a "duh" but I'm going to talk about it anyway. Counterfeit cosmetics are a booming market full of untold dangers. Untold primarily because these products could contain literally anything. Ive read about glue, arsenic, lead, feces, staph, and horse urine to name a few. The labels and ingredient list on these products are fake. Legitimate brands often unintentionally play into the counterfeit market. They create artificial scarcity by making less of the product than is actually needed for consumer demand to create an even higher demand. If consumers miss out often their only chance at getting the product is to turn to counterfeits. I found examples of women who had their lips superglued, lips "turned to goo" and burned to blistering, throat closures, women with stys, contact dermatitis, eye infections. I think we as a society turn a blind eye to this problem because we think "hey, if youre buying counterfeits for a discount and you get hurt you deserve it." We imagine idiots buying products for 4 dollars from ebay or perusing Canal street for FEИTY beauty. But these counterfeits can be really convincing. I myself received a gift of a huda palette that I only recognized something was weird about it because I'd swatched it at sephora about five times earlier that month. The person who bought it for me actually paid MORE than the usual cost for the palette because it was advertised as a newer, better edition. The websites can be disturbingly similar. For instance Kylie Jenner's legitimate website is KylieCosmetics.com but you can find fakes at kyliecosmeticsshop.co.uk. These fakes can buy ad space and be one of the first sites that populate when you google the products instead of typing the legitimate site into the address bar. Counterfeits can also be bought and sold through third parties on websites like ebay, wish, and amazon. (My gift actually came from Amazon.)

[Netflix doc "Broken" ep "Makeup Mayhem" Corroborated by personal experience and google]

[galacticlamps]

Tagged by @the--highlanders​ ! Thanks!

How many works do you have on AO3?

13

What’s your total AO3 word count?

76,200

(oh what a nice even number - I should try to mess that up as soon as possible, shouldn’t I?)

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Aw man is this intentionally worded to be really hard to answer? I get that it says ‘written’ and not ‘posted’ but then what constitutes a ‘fandom?’ I definitely wrote fics for stuff I was interested in long before I even knew the word ‘fic’ - I did it throughout my childhood, and then in high school, and while I didn’t do it as much in college, it still happened from time to time. So a lot of the books/movies/tv shows/plays/musicals I wrote things for aren’t really fandoms, and frankly, I had to check my old folder just now to even remember some of them existed. I’ll just list the ones that I know for sure had fandoms, since that’s more fun (and embarrassing), right?

Obviously Doctor Who, classic and modern, Torchwood, Sherlock Holmes (ironically more of these seem to be about the books, but yes, I will admit, some for that tv show too), Les Mis, a couple different Marvel comics & movies, Good Omens, hell, I even found a Night Vale fic in there just now.

And I know there are other older things not even in that folder, some of which never made it to a computer at all, so if I had to ballpark a number I’d probably say around 25ish but really, who knows?

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Across the Gap

On the Spot

Expectations

Shards of Memories & Fragments of Glass

Itemized

(this was fun, I’d never noticed Ao3 even had a stats page until now lol)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try to! Sometimes I take a long time to do so but for the most part, I usually get around to it. The rare exception would be if I first saw the comment when I was super busy/distracted and then felt like way too much time passed before I noticed it again, that it might be awkward if I said something at that point.

I do genuinely enjoy hearing what people think, but I’m also weirdly terrified of making anyone feel like they have to reply to my comments. I know that’s probably a little strange, but it’s actually a large part of why I made this Ao3 account in the first place - my original one, from high school, is followed by some long-time friends of mine who aren’t interested in this fandom, some of whom are involved in art & writing professionally. The thought of anyone like that reading something I wrote out of friendliness or even just curiosity and potentially having to pretend they liked it for the same reasons stressed me tf out, so I like having this virtually anonymous one because I can relax knowing that anyone who reads or interacts with something I wrote has probably done so only because they wanted to, rather than feeling obligated, and there’s no pressure on them to be nice to me about it if anything I write or post annoys them - so I really hope nobody who does just know me as an anonymous blog has ever worried about offending me by not replying to something, trust me, I’m perfectly happy with it!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don’t think I’ve really written any angsty endings? I guess the answer would have to be Reckless just because it involves the characters arguing about sad/weighty things and there isn’t really any solution to those issues - but even then I think I ended it with a kind of acceptance that stops it from really qualifying as angst? I also set it in the the same universe as other fics, so maybe that doesn’t even count as an ending? Am I that bad at ending things on angst? Lol

Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Obviously none of the fics I’ve posted are crossovers but I’m trying to think now if any of my WIP’s are - I’ve definitely poached setting/premise ideas from other media, but in terms of actual crossovers . . . I’ve got a few cross-era or cross-Doctor, a few involving Torchwood, but that’s already the same universe, so the only thing that’d qualify as a true crossover would be some vague pieces of a fic where Jamie, Zoe, and Two end up on the Enterprise, since I think the 60s series of Star Trek and Dr Who feel kind of compatible, don’t they? In fact, aren’t there like officially licensed crossover comics or something? Or did I make that up? Idk, and the ideas are very loose, so it’s not much of a WIP either

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nope, never

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I’ve never written smut, but I’m wondering if it’s possible that could change soon. There’s a longish multi-chapter fic I’ve been working on for a frankly embarrassing amount of time, and the plot does call for a sex scene at one point towards the end, but I can’t seem to make up my mind on how - uh, I guess the word is explicit? - it should get. I know I could easily do a fade to black/implication thing, but it’s kind of a source of contention and anxiety for the characters, so to skip over writing the actual scene and just revisit them afterwards rings of “and they slept together and now everything’s fine!” which feels kinda cheap to me - in this context, anyway - and not the right payoff for a long fic that’s otherwise more of an interpersonal drama/slightly a period piece, if I had to place it in a genre. I feel like my aversion to actually writing the scene might just be prudishness I should get over, or maybe just self-doubt, because I know I’d rather have a well-written, funny, character-development-supporting sex scene than nothing at all, but since I’ve never had any interest in writing a scene like that before, I don’t know if I can do it well, and I also don’t want to ruin a fic I’m otherwise proud of by doing it badly... ugh I have to figure this out

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I seriously doubt it

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

What’s your all time favorite ship?

I mean, it’s gotta be Two & Jamie. I’ve shipped things before with varying levels of investment, but I’ve never been able to use the term ‘otp’ in a literal sense until I came across them, and now it’s already basically gone out of fashion, go figure!

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I’m not sure if I have one? My WIP doc is huge, but I don’t actually intend to get around to finishing everything in it, so I’d like to think that anything I’ve currently singled out to complete can actually get done.

That said, I do have a few AU’s that I don’t really plan to finish, but it might be cool if I could. Two of them are for all the main + some supporting characters of the Second Doctor’s era - one’s a modern day school teachers AU, and the other is a typical fantasy/fairy tale AU. Another is just Two/Jamie, based on Doctor Faustus (specifically the Marlowe play version) but right now there are two different versions of the ending coexisting in my head. I’ve written parts of scenes & some gen. backstory for all of those ideas, but I don’t know if I’ll ever try to finish them, or what form a finished product would even take - a series of one-shots set in the same universe? one long multi-chapter fic with some kind of overarching plot? And the amount of context/worldbuilding a big AU like these would require might not make them very appealing fics for people to read, so maybe it is better if I just keep them to myself, since in my head I already know what’s going on in those worlds lol.

What are your writing strengths?

I honestly don’t know. I haven’t had a creative writing class since middle school, and since then I’ve only ever shown creative writing to others in a fandom context, so it’s been a while since I’ve discussed it or gotten critical feedback. I suppose when I work in other arts or even academic writing contexts, people usually say I’m kind of insightful or at least detail oriented, which might just be another way of saying I overthink things, but I like to imagine I’m decent at finding little points of interest to expand upon.

What are your writing weaknesses?

If you’ve read this far I feel like you must know what I’m about to say: I do not know how to be concise.

Usually when I’m writing a fic, I put down the dialogue first on its own, leaving out the action of the scene and whatever plot/context led there, even if I’ve already figured all of that out. But then when I go to add those things in, they’re always longer than I wanted them to be. I don’t mind writing something long, but I don’t want my fics to be a slog to get through either, and there can be a point at which the stuff I’ve added for context overwhelms the stuff that I wanted the fic to be about in the first place, so it becomes a structural/proportion issue too. I haven’t completely given up on any fics because of this yet, but there’s one I’ve been struggling with for a couple months now - probably because I’m even second-guessing myself on which scenes need to be written out and which can just be referenced like a recap. Hopefully I figure that one out soon.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

((this is karma isn’t it? i posted a fic last week with two words of gaelic in it and was worried about that and now this is karma))

In general, I don’t want to do it. I feel like you’ve gotta have a really good grasp of a language to write dialogue & speech patterns for someone who’s a native speaker, and since I’m far from fluent in any language the characters I write for are, I wouldn’t feel confident writing any significant amount of dialogue in, say, Gaelic.

As a sidenote, though, I kinda love it when other people do it, particularly for Jamie. Irish (Gaeilge) and Scottish (Gàidhlig) are both languages I’ve wanted to learn for a long time, because my family’s fresh out of living speakers of either & I think that’s a shame, but I started with Irish and at the moment I’m still very much learning it. As different as they are, it still helps me understand parts of lyrics or texts that I come across in Gàidhlig fairly frequently, so when it comes up in a fic I get to feel like I’m being responsible and practicing, and it’s great when I can actually understand what’s being said.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I’m gonna go with Harry Potter even though that’s probably not a perfectly accurate answer - it’s almost certainly the first thing that has a fandom that I ever wrote for, but it was in a notebook when I was a kid and never something that I even typed on a computer, much less posted online or shared with other members of a fandom. But even then, I’m sure it wasn’t the first pre-existing fictional universe I ever set an original story in, because I did that a lot when I was a kid, it’s just hard to remember those clearly or on any kind of timeline.

What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

I’m very partial to Across the Gap, so I was pleasantly surprised to see that ranked first on the kudos thing above - but I’ve also got a soft spot for So Merrily We’ll Sing. It’s so self-indulgent it feels silly saying ‘it was so easy to write!’ but I guess having a fic that’s already just 100% headcaonons and fluff tied together by a song you really love does prevent it from being much of a labor (I also managed to refrain from making that one unnecessarily long, so that’s another win there)

tagging @terryfphanatics and anyone else who wants to do it - sorry I’m bad at remembering whose tumblr goes with whose Ao3 account, but I really would be interested to read this if anyone else feels like answering them!

[popsicletheduck]

@witchfall decided that I should be called out, and so called out I shall be

-

How many works do you have on AO3? 27. Many of those are unfinished.

What’s your total AO3 word count? 108,563. More than I was expecting, honestly. I write a lot more than I ever publish, and there is perhaps a whole era of my fic writing that has never and will never make it to AO3.

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? On AO3 at least, 9. Batman, Resident Evil, Callisto 6, Critical Role, Detroit: Become Human, Sanders Sides, Star Trek, The Witcher, and Undertale.

What are your top five fics by kudos? 1. Did You Truly Know Fear Before? 2. Ignore the Beating of My Heart 3. I’ll Do What Must Be Done 4. Not Quite Electric Sheep 5. My Name is Connor, I’m... The first three are all Witcher fics and all part of a series that still gets traffic to this day, though I’ve got no idea why. Mind control whump is popular, I guess. The last two are D:BH and the last one in particular is bad? Why did people like that it was just poorly justified whump.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not? Generally not unless someone is asking a question I can answer. idk, it feels really weird to respond when it’s just someone being nice? Like it’s self congratulatory or something. I did try to respond to all comments for a bit but it just felt weird.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Probably a tie between Self Destruct and On the Question of Life and Death. Both end with major character death, the first by suicide and the second by having his heart ripped out... The same character too. I really don’t generally write sad endings even if I do write a lot of angst, but there was a period of my life where I was, uh, very depressed and coping very poorly through writing. I try to be better these days.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what’s the craziest one you’ve ever written? I don’t. Generally I run more in OC and AU territory. Not particularly a fan of crossovers in general, though obviously everyone is free to do what they want.

Have you ever received hate on a fic? Not technically? I did get a review once from someone who really liked my writing but also hated my OC and wanted her to die which uh. Killed that series dead in its tracks. But they didn’t intend the comment as hate? Was a weird situation.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Nope. I read it but I don’t write it.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? No one would want to steal my writing and even if they did, how would I know?

What’s your all-time favorite ship? I don’t ship, as a rule of thumb. I’ve got a lot of feelings about familial and platonic relationships, but romance doesn’t normally do it for me. I was planning on writing Geralt/Jaskier (with alloaro Geralt) but never actually got around to anything other than some vague pining. And also I’m not really a fan of that ship, it’s just really popular in the fandom. idk, I’m aro.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? Most of them. Most of all Hand in Unsteady Hand and the whole Inextricable ‘verse. I have some really interesting ideas for how the story plays out but I got stuck on the nitty gritty details of the first story and just ground to a halt.

What are your writing strengths? I’ve been told recently I’m good at writing big, overwhelming emotions. I like to think that my descriptions of places and objects are good, when I remember to put them in?

What are your writing weaknesses? Physical descriptions of people, action scenes, pacing, dialogue tags. Actually finishing something.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in fic? I only speak one language so I wouldn’t be one to try, google translate is not reliable. And if I was going to write dialogue in a fake language, I would feel like I would have to invent the whole language which would definitely stop me from doing it, even if conlangs and linguistics are so cool.

What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written? uhhhhh three way tie between Hand in Unsteady Hand, Burden of Guilt, and The Absence of Color. Not because I think any of them are particularly good, but because I think I enjoyed the process the most for those and also don’t have any negative associations for them in the present day.

-

tagging @pristine-starlight if you want to, and anyone else who would like to

[spaced0lphin]

Massive Speculation

On N7 day of this hellscape of a year, BioWare announced they were making another Mass Effect instalment. Naturally, being sat up here in the bridge as I am, it gives me a lot of time to speculate and here are my thoughts on the wider picture.

These remasters are intended to revitalise the fandom for the upcoming project.

That much, to me, seems obvious. Whatever this new instalment is, it’s some years off and it makes perfect sense to give something to the (not insignificant) fanbase Mass Effect still has to attract them again, as well as new fans. These remasters will be well positioned to buy them a few years of good “fandom time.”

This upcoming instalment after the remasters is going to be Mass Effect’s last hurrah.

And maybe, as much as it sucks to say, BioWare’s last hurrah in its current form, too. It’s no industry secret that BioWare has outlived its life expectancy since the EA takeover. EA notoriously acquires and dissolves spirited, highly skilled studios once they stop being profitable (and sometimes even before that.) Unlike films, where franchises are just allowed to limp on indefinitely despite litanies of failures (think Terminator, Alien vs Predator and its ilk) games “enjoy” no such luxury. Beloved franchises are taken out behind the barn on the regular. BioWare’s productions in particular are large, grand, expensive, and alarmingly the past two have been both critical and commercial failures, vastly underperforming expectations. Mass Effect: Andromeda sold well initially, but proved to have no legs in the market; so much so, that all its DLC was cancelled and the title unceremoniously shelved. Anthem suffered a very similar and drastic fate. Whatever this upcoming Mass Effect title is going to be, it needs wide, iconic and lasting appeal.

Mass Effect can only be a flagship title.

There is no way to make a cheap Mass Effect game, and so all the stops are going to have to be pulled for this one. The studio learned a painful lesson when they left ME in the hands of their passionate, yet relatively inexperienced branch. Narratively, that puts the upcoming title in a very interesting place.

Mass Effect: Andromeda 2 is not a safe investment for a flagship title.

It doesn’t make a lot of sense to rile up interest in the ME universe again just for the next offering to be a sequel to the broadly disliked and violently shelved Andromeda. Such a decision seems counterintuitive. ME:A seems like a very bad basis to hitch a project of such importance on.

In terms of Mass Effect, what is more iconic than Commander Shepard?

As discussed, the new title is going to need to capitalise on broad appeal and fan favourites to survive. Mass Effect: Andromeda’s premise of sidestepping the whole Reapers debacle by being pioneers seeding the stars in a new galaxy was an excellent idea. Unfortunately, that ticket has been used up. Doing that same idea again seems ill-advised at best. Fandom has been hungry for more Commander Shepard for almost eight years, now... Easily, they and the N7s are the most recognisable, iconic figures. But, and it is a krogan sized “but”...

However, the endings were not meant to be written around.

Whatever you think of them, each “candy flavour” has far-reaching consequences that narratively speaking would be intensely difficult to write a meaningful and interesting continuance for. I’m not saying it isn’t possible, but it is extremely challenging and I think the only way to go forward with that would be to piss off a lot of people, for lack of a better term. It presents several challenges: 1. Okay, so the protagonist is Shepard. How? We have to pick the only path forward from here, which is to say that only the Shepards who chose this particular colour candy ending can proceed. This essentially makes one of the decisions the “canon” ending, because you can only make a game based on one of these outcomes, realistically. Scope becomes too huge if you’re trying to include all the branches. So... we are faced with the age old problem that caused such outrage over the endings initially... a lot of people are going to feel like their choices didn’t matter. This said, there is a slight precedence for this in that one could get their squad and themselves all killed in Mass Effect 2, and only my man Joker is left. That’s a bit of a different situation, but it’s all I got. 2. Okay, so only the Shepards who chose x ending can load their save and continue on. Shepard doing what? N7s are an interesting concept and the Mass Effect universe is a very interesting one with many kinds of narrative possibilities, however, it’s a real pretty corner the writers have painted themselves into on this one, gotta say. This leaves only two other narrative possibilities: 1. The least interesting of all the options, a prequel. This presents challenges of its own, because in Mass Effect’s own lore, it’s not actually that long ago that humanity came into contact with the rest of the galaxy. You can either write about the First Contact War, which involves only humans and turians and shrinks the scope drastically so much so as to be disappointing and lose much of the colour of the universe... or you go so far back into the past that it’s the Protheans’ cycle, in which case there’s no opportunity for a human protagonist - which is a massive problem - and is narratively not very compelling because we know everyone and everything dies, unless you want to do something stupid like time travel. Mass Effect is already high concept enough, I don’t think time travel is a particularly good mechanic to introduce to the series... Unless it’s short-term and single-use, like Shepard has to stop themselves from making a choice in the third game’s era. Even then, that’s opening a big can of worms that I don’t think is a good fit for the series. 2. Mass Effect: Mandalorian The only way to retain the colourful scope, the human protagonist, and the aliens we’re familiar with is ditch the iconic N7 situation entirely and set the instalment maybe 5 or 10 years before Shepard’s time. This ensures humanity is still an up-and-coming member of galactic society, yet the whole Reapers business isn’t going on yet. They won’t go for N7s because as we know, Shepard was the first human Spectre, so the protagonist could be some kind of smuggler, criminal or vigilante rather than military. Touching on what fans loved so much about Mass Effect 2, which was the feeling of getting together your motley crew of misfits to do a real big job, your role could simply be to amass a group of space jerks to do a mission of much smaller scale than the Reapers’ plotline, but no less fun. I’m going to bet it would be called something like Mass Effect: Renegades (you can have that one for free, BioWare) and the player could be pitted against C-Sec and other galactic law enforcement agencies. This even gives the opportunity for small cameos, such as Garrus’ time in C-Sec, and other characters to appear in different points in their careers. Whilst it wouldn’t make up for the loss of the iconic N7 visual and idea, it might go some way towards helping broad appeal. Also just look at how successful the Mandalorian has been for Star Wars. The only reason I don’t like these ideas is because I don’t get to date Joker in any of them. Seriously, BioWare, I don’t care what you do, just let me date the damn scruffy pilot. Not a different one, that one. Specifically. You could get an impersonator if Seth Green doesn’t wanna do it. Say his voicebox got damaged, I don’t care, just something, please In all seriousness though, I’d love for Shepard to come back. My ideal situation has to do with only one of the endings being “canonised” and is that Shepard somehow survives. Then it’s about rebuilding the galaxy after the Reapers have gone. I’m sure there’s drama to be had in that. And it gives me the opportunity to hope for Shepard to finally, FINALLY hook up with Joker. Seriously it’s so narratively powerful they’re always there for each other come on give me this I think that option would be challenging to write and would involve a sacrifice of pissing some fans off quite a lot, but the fact is, Mass Effect needs to be saved if it’s going to continue on, and it might be possible to orchestrate a situation where Shepard passes the torch on to new characters at the end. That’s also a common theme in shows and games these days.

[ritchieblackless]

[Ranking Of Cozy music eras]

Well, as many of you know, Cozy did A LOT of things with many musicians and playing different styles. He appeared on at least 66 albums and counting another session work, some hidden works (Like Supertision and Ballroom Blitz) in total is nearly 90 things that he did! (that's why it took me so long, I had to listen to all again) but always one era will be better than other so... at the request of @thespiritofvexation (and I wanted to because is a excellent idea) here are the ranking of Cozy music eras.

Note: I'll try to be objective about this but also you'll get my opinion.

9. Whitesnake.

(As you can notice, Cozy's solo album is there. I put it because is in same era. I did this with all Cozy's solo albums 'cause the poor boy didn't have the time to make a proper solo career... he didn't like that very much anyway.)

Well first thing I'll highlight about this work... is the fact that his drumming is plain, so plain... for being Cozy Powell. You know, Blues rhythm, one bass drum and tomb with a little bit of cymbal... plain. But it's alright because the album needed that type of drumming (Not pun intended of course) I'm just saying that his drumming is so plain because the songs (Blues/Hard Rock) needed that, otherwise, it would have sounded a bit Rainbow-ish. Remember that Cozy was so versatile. He had a strong style but if the song needed the opposite of his style, he was going to do it.

Whitesnake era for me is not his best but LIVE. He on stage was another story. He was amazing.

Songs with Cozy's signature: Hungry For Love.

A side from Whitesnake we have his solo album which is one of his best works. Octopuss was a successful album. We have his mix between classical music and his drumming which is mind blowing. Hard Rock tracks like The Rattler, Formula One (Good one, Cozy) and Princetown and one ballad (Because he liked... a true sweetheart.) Dartmoore.

8. Michael Schenker Group.

His work here is what I like to call "Angry Drumming"

He didn't get along with Michael Schenker so they were fighting everytime. So all he did in this only album with MSG he did it angry... that's why is so good. He was "in mourning" trying to get over Rainbow so he had no better idea that making his drumming sound Rainbow-ish (I can relate) taking advantage of the situation that MSG was a heavy rock band. Not Rainbow, but still. There are a lot of Cozy's fills and Cozy's arrangements on the songs too more than Whitesnake.

Songs with Cozy’s signature: Attack Of The Mad Axeman, But I Want More and Feeling Like A Good Thing (Live). 

Now, a side from MSG we have his second solo album. Tilt have jazz-fusion songs like Cat Moves. A  rock tracks too like The Blister and Hot Rock. And with some funky thing like The Right Side with another ballad (Because he is a sweetheart) Sunset. Tilt was an anti-commercial album with a nice success. Also, the album have two “Dark” songs which are Living In A Lie and Jekyll Hyde (Inspired of course in Mr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde... Cozy’s favourite book... such a nerdy.)

7. Brian May Band.

We know how important Cozy was for Brian May’s solo career and Brian himself... (But I’ll not going to talk about this now, because I’m focused only on his drumming.)

Basically Brian told him “Be yourself, I don’t need a type of drumming” So that is what you listen when you listen those three albums... a free, happy Cozy. So powerful as always and creative. Of course Cozy had to be powerful because he was trying to cheer Brian up (He is so sweet). Believe me when I say that this is his best work in his last days! Its amazing the heavy-hand that he still had. For moments you think that you are listening Rainbow by the power of his drumming and the songs are completely stunning. 

Songs with Cozy’s signature: Cyborg, The Guv’nor, Resurrection, Rollin’ Over.

Now, his solo album. The Drums Are Back was not a successful album with bad reviews saying that Cozy was recycling himself. I personally don’t think Cozy was recycling himself, I just think that he had his own way to do songs and make albums.In spite the bad critics and no success, the album was top ten in Japan.. HA! The Drums Are Back have really groovy songs like The Drums Are Back, Legend Of The Glass Mountain (He really never got over Rainbow..). Rock songs like The Rocket and Ride To Win. And three ballads (Because he is a sweet-... well you get it) Battle Hymn, Cryin’ and Somewhere In Time.

6. Peter Green Splinter Group. 

This album is a proof of Cozy’s versatility and still young drumming. 

He and Peter Green got along really well so their chemistry was reflected in the music and live performances (Unfortunately a very few with Cozy) Yeah, the whole album is basically blues, okay? But the thing is that Cozy, no matter how slow the blues was, he would let you know that was him playing the drums.And I need to say that: HE PLAYED BLACK MAGIC WOMAN WONDERFULLY... (just that, back to the point). 

Peter didn't tell him how to play drums in Fleetwooc Mac’s songs, Cozy just did it and he did it fantastic. Also, his drumming sounded so young, so strong and with presence. Its mind blowing really because you don’t expect Cozy at the age of 50 playing strongly but he actually did. He did his drum roll thing with just one bass drum, he was still so noisy as always (I’m so sorry just this era puts me soft)  

Songs with Cozy’s signature:Homework, Going Down. 

And his solo-... oh... right... *Runs to bathroom to cry*

5. 80s Work.

 Well, time to time (For not saying always) Cozy liked to participate in his friends’s albums when he had a little free time with the band that he was in at the time. I did this 80s work section here because I cant believe that amount of things that he did while he was playing in other bands (I mean, u r for real?)...I put the most popular ones but out there are a lot of unknown Cozy works in the 80s with several bands. I just felt that his 80s works deserved a position in the ranking. This is another proof of his versatility but, with a little of his style of course. 

Songs with Cozy’s signature: Tender Babes by Jon Lord, Night Games by Graham Bonnet, Slow Dancer by Rober Plant, Believe by Tom Galley (Phenomena) Shakey Ground by Bernie Marsden, Running from The Storm by Gary Moore and well.. ETC (and many many etcs)

4. Black Sabbath

This is when Cozy turns his “Beast Mode” on.

I don’t know why, maybe because he knew what Black Sabbath was (Tony: Join my emo band.... Cozy: okay) and what it needed..? because that is his normal drumming..? (I'm sure that is his normal drumming.) But he literally blows your mind in every- fucking *wheezes* song. The three Black Sabbath albums are filled with unexpected Cozy's fills (No matter how many times you've listened to those albums, he is unexpected.) His beat is very heavy and very exact too. He was a fan of Bill Ward so I'll be not surprised if he tried to get that heaviness! (I mean, Cozy has his own heaviness but what I'm saying is that maybe Cozy wanted to make a proper Black Sabbath sound) 

Songs with Cozy’s signature: Headless Cross, The Call Of The Wild. Basically all TYR and talk about Forbidden is forbidden... (I’m joking. Is a good album too)

3.Jeff Beck/ RAK 

Well, for start I put them together because when Jeff Beck Group disbanded, the following year he signed a contract with Micky Most and RAK. So, he was a secessionist, a well-known secessionist. He was in the circle for someone who needed a powerful-jazzy style. It’s like the 80s works really (omg Cozy get a grip). He was a really demanded drummer, everyone wanted him and he eventually worked with everyone. He had a very well-known beat by that time, you easily can tell was Cozy but he also had to be more open to the different styles that he was asked to play (Basically he can’t play like him all the time). He also had some discredited stuff, like Ballroom Blitz by The Sweet (It’s so obvious) and Superstition by Steve Wonder (I know, I know that it says Stevie played everything BUT NOT IN THIS CASE DON’T BELIEVE HIM. What you hear in the song is Cozy playing.) and more like some Suzi Quatro’s songs.

Songs with Cozy’s signature: Ballroom Blitz, Superstition, Cosmic Wheels, Band Of The Salvation Army Band by Tony Ashton and Jon Lord.

Now his solo stuff: Here comes his baby, his household, his precious treasure, his (okay you get it) Dance With The Devil single. It’s a friendly instrumental which they did for a laugh but it became seriously successful... (Yes, they didn’t mean to do it but they did) Micky Most ask to Cozy if he wanted to be a single and Cozy said yes thinking that it was not going to be a big deal but *BUM* 1 Million of copies sold (Literally Cozy stayed at home two days laying looking at the ceiling because he can’t believe it) Of course they did the Dance with the devil part 2 which is Man In Black but it didn't work as well as the first one.They did Cozy Powell’s Hammer but it was kinda a fail too although the band had several tour dates. 

This is when Cozy met his lost brother (okay no) This is when Cozy tried his best to play good jazz but instead came up this.. jazz fusion-rock-weird thing. So the thing here was: Jeff didn't know how to explain Cozy what the wanted him to play and Cozy was getting mad about it (Jeff: You can do ta.. tatada tss, ts ts ta da ta... Cozy: Honestly Jeff wtf?) so he did what he thought was better for the record and Ta-Da! Rough And Ready was born. Cozy’s drumming is a bit lighter and he uses a lot the cymbals for a swing-jazz rhythm.  

Songs with Cozy’s signature: Going Down, Ice Cream Cakes, Situation, Short Business.

2. Rainbow.

(Omg Martina are you fcking crazy????) Yes I didn’t put Rainbow in the first place...A new hope for Cozy (This sounds like Star Wars movie or something)

Okay, this is one of his best eras because he was all recovered of his disappointment in music business in 1975. He literally gave up with music (poor babe) until Ritchie called him (Ritchie: Join my emo band... Cozy: okay) . He was ready and decided to show that he wasn't a poor drummer... and he did.He played all his tricks, he was so unpredictable and powerful. He actually was lead drummer (I’m not sure if that exists) He didn't played with the bass like a normal rhythm section, he played with Ritchie. Cozy live with Rainbow was so unbelievable, like the unexpected fill in Catch The Rainbow, Man On The Silver Mountain... To be honest, the first Rainbow album sounds so plain without Cozy, it’s like.. something is missing (Basically Cozy changed the band). His beat is so heavy, strong and incredible.Also his 1812 Overture which is just mind blowing. He was a happy Cozy in Rainbow, that’s why he played so brilliantly (and he was Ritchie’s goal friend... what is better than that?) Cozy did an amazing job in Rainbow... (No words...)

Songs with Cozy’s signature: Stargazer, Run with the Wolf, Mistreated (Live), Lost In Hollywood, Eyes Of The World, Gates Of Babylon, Light In The Black, All Night Long and.. all.(Literally all)

Now, his first solo work: Basically he had nostalgia for Hammer and the press still had bad relationship with Cozy saying things like “He is just Dance With The Devil and nothing more” so Cozy want to make an album so fantastic to shut them up. He called to his friends and all was ready... but they needed a bassist so Cozy took his chance and asked Jack Bruce if he can play in his album (Cozy was such a Cream/Jack fanboy.. he was almost his male crush lol.) Fortunately for Cozy, Jack said yes and they recorded it. The album had a fantastic success, extremely high success. The album had fantastic songs like Theme One (Courtesy of George Martin), The Killer, El Sid, Heidi Goes To Town and one sweet ballad (Sweetheart) The Loner (Dedicated to Jeff Beck... That is actually very cute). 

1. ELPowell

(ARE YOU JOKING?????) No, i’m not joking and i’ll tell you why. Also this is when Cozy became a prog nerd. 

The only one reason that I chose ELPowell as best Cozy music era instead of Rainbow... it’s because he stepped out of his Comfort Zone. This is the REAL proof of Cozy’s versatility. He did amazing things in Rainbow yes but in the end was rock and roll... This is different, this is progressive rock (I don’t really care about Progressive people’s discussion about 80s progressive rock... I’m talking only about Cozy) and Cozy didn’t know a THING about progressive and he still did it amazing. Of course, he took what Carl did and he simplified it to carry it to what he can do... and he did it very well. He had to learn all the ELP’s songs studying them (That’s when he accidentally listened to all elp discography and some Genesis, Yes and well... he became a nerd) He started to experiment with new percussion instruments that Carl used before.. (Like those bells that you hit them with a little hammer... no? okay) He became a KONG BOY too. He literally learned a whole new drumming style but of course with his Cozy sound. Tarkus played by Cozy is amazing, and when he is doing the Congas in From The Beginning kills me every time (That tank tee and those muscles...) and those drum solos...(Damn) they are really something else. And this is the same case of Rainbow.. he was recovering from his disappointment in Whitesnake so he was so enthusiastic about playing with Keith and Greg.  

Songs with Cozy’s signature: Touch and Go, The Score, Mars the Bringer of War. 

THIS IS THE END... GOD this took me an eternity and I explained so much i’m so sorry this is not going to happen again. This is the first and the last time that I’ll make a large post! (For my own mental health) This is so large, I didn’t mean to, sorry! Nobody will read it to the end but I don’t care... and if you do thanks very much this costed me two nights <3 (And sorry if there are any grammar errors) 

[evalieena]

35 Questions for Fanfiction Writers

well since dearest @bachint​ asked, here goes nothing!

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

well if no downplaying’s allowed i guess i’d give it a 3/5? some mistakes since i’m not a native plus i”m still working on getting my english style better! i like what i come up with all the same, i’ve improved a lot these past two years, and my grammar isn’t that bad i guess?

2. Why do you write fanfiction?

to do what developers didn’t do in the first place to make good use of my imagination, to cope with the fact that some characters don’t exist and i will never follow another one of their adventures, to forget about a boring real life...

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

my writing doesn’t stand out lmaooo but i guess i’m always trying to focus on the character’s psychology, struggles and all that, so if someone likes my work, it’s ‘original’ bc it’s usually quite different from the usual stories where there are a lot of dialogues and interactions.

4. Are there any writers that inspire you?

i’ve been inspired a lot by @welcometogressenheller​ (i wish i could do as well as she does.....), @aceklaviergavin​ (kudos to you even if you never see that post and you probably don’t know who i am), and some others whose name i forgot (sorry!)

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

i didn’t write much but i guess that my latest fics are really nice (There’s No Light In You Anymore, and the whole Faith series on AO3). also my big project “Now That You’re Gone”, i’m glad i’ve been able to write that much for it and i intend on continuing as soon as i find the motivation!

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?

pain, struggles and all that comes with it as long as it’s in the character’s mind, because beware here you step in a dark space

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most?

ordinary scenes of life? i always find my writing lacking as soon as i step out of my comfort zone, i’m all for rambling and never-ending pain

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write?

desmond/descole surely

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write?

all the good guys (and dimitri allen because i’d love writing about him but i’m? just unable to?)

10. What’s your favorite genre to write for?

that may come as a surprise! angst!

11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most?

a mix of question 8 and 10 and you’ve got your answer

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

professor layton and the shattering secrets!!! i’m so happy of what this AU will look like when i’ll be done writing the following chapters, at first it probably looks annoying but heck i wanna promise anyone who’s reading it that the plot twists are gonna be worth it even though the overall background isn’t that original because i’ve mixed up different elements from other games (aaaand we’re back in our oh-so-amazing comfort zone that covers up a massive lack of imagination)

13. First fandom you ever wrote for?

ummm? the vampire diaries maybe? back when i was 10 or 11 lol

14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for?

hands up... pROFESsoR LayTON

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for?

i didn’t write for many fandoms but back in my younger days i used to do self-insert fics with the vampire diaries cast and it was so odd and i wish i hadn’t just confessed that on my tumblr blog

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

nothing that comes to mind

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for.

dunno either

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written?

PL and the shattering secrets! huge canon divergence and one heck of an AU (also its original version is much worse, my mind was going crazy when i was 15)

19. Do you prefer canon-compliant, AUs, or something in-between?

i love reading AUs, writing some requires solid imagination which i have not, but honestly i don’t really mind

20. Gen fic or shippy stuff?

gen

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!)

desmond sycamore x his wife / randall ascot x hershel layton (be it romantic or platonic) / randall ascot x basically anyone from the MM i guess though i didn’t write anything about that yet (it’s about to change guys)

22. Do you listen to anything while you write?

yea i can’t write without listening to music - any playlist does the trick as long as i like what i’m listening to but usually i listen to sad soundtracks, or i’m inspired by some random lyrics

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?

i’d go with challenges bc my horrible ass has very few ideas but i usually come up with independent ideas

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works?

one shots!

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

i don’t remember ;_;

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

i’ve got one OS in mind with randall/layton but i don’t want to be the talk of the town because it’s probably going to be awful? also any other fic including the PL3 crew

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

@welcometogressenheller telling me she believed i was a native!!! i struggle so much trying to improve my writing style in english and i have a lot of insecurities so it was so heartwarming and incredible to read...

also basically any other comment where people tell me they like what i write. i love that writers feel the need to take some time reviewing my works bc i need constant validation

28. How well do you handle criticism when it comes to your writing?

well i’ve never really received ‘harsh’ criticism or anything, save for some very rare remarks on my grammar so i guess i don’t know? at first it’s always sad to see that what i’ve done isn’t perfect but i guess it’s impossible to be perfect so i’m really happy that people take some time to underline what looks wrong to them

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

currently trying to with shattering secrets and it’s actually a great way to improve!

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst?

MERCILESS ANGST

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them!

i wish i could but it would perhaps be a huge spoiler so i don’t wanna say much about them...

i have 1) annabell sycamore, des’s wife, whose personality fits very much mine. she’s a playwright, spends lot of her time writing and acting in front of des AND WITH des. also she’s a very realistic person and some people usually tell her that she’s being too pessimistic 

2) aurelia from the shattering secrets and on her i really cannot say much... if anyone’s read this far it would be so nice if you could give SS a shot by the way!! 

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less.

desmond sometimes finds happiness but it’s always taken from him

(isn’t that a summary for everything i’ve ever written?)

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

i don’t translate my works from my original language to english, i write straight in english. i spend a lot of time making sure i haven’t done any grammatical mistakes, checking the definition and the use of some words i’m not sure about, and sometimes it’s quite a pain and it can be also very discouraging bc i end up believing what i write comes from a random internet dictionary while deep down i know it’s not true but hey what can i say. huge insecurities laid bare here.

(if any reader of mine’s reading this, i apologize)

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

(beware: spoilers for the whole prequel trilogy!!!)

“Hershel Layton was puzzled. A funny emotion to feel for someone who loved puzzles that much, but nothing could ever describe better the way he’d felt for hours now, hours that seemed like ages.So much did happen in the span of a few hours.

First he’d learned his parents could be targeted by Targent, then Aurora had made it clear that she didn’t want to live anymore, all so she could protect them. Then Desmond—no, Descole—had taken the key from her hands, and revealed himself as the dangerous scientist Layton knew him to be.

Then they’d fought. Despair was filling the air, though Hershel didn’t understand what Descole meant when he cried that the Azran legacy was all he had to live for.

And as if there hadn’t been enough betrayals as it was, Emmy was soon to follow. Luke had been abducted. He’d had no other choice than siding with Descole to prevent Bronev from unleashing doom on Earth. Misery didn’t seem to end.

Just when he’d thought he’d finally be able to change things, Descole had been ready to sacrifice himself to save Luke. And then…

Then everything just collapsed.

He held his agonizing brother in his arms; the one who’d wanted so hard to take him down only a few hours back was now confessing, fearing death was on the way.“

[...]

from ‘Six Times Hershel Layton Remembered, Plus The One Time He Didn’t’

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

oops i haven’t got anything more to say but thank you for reading? perhaps?

[onthevirgeofdestruction]

35 Q’s for Fanfic Writers

From this post

I’m having a shitty, rude alter-y, crap night so I’m just going to answer all of these to distract myself and focus and to not bother anybody just making my own post and putting it under the cut btw, notice to anyone not aware: since I’m moving I won’t likely be updating anything until I’m done doing so.

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing?  (No downplaying yourself!) 3/5? Could use more editing and description and can be weirdly paced.

2. Why do you write fanfiction? Because it’s better than focusing on pain 24/7. 

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works? I don’t seem to have a specific narrative voice that people recognize but I’m pretty proud of mostly organic dialogue. 

4. Are there any writers that inspire you? as a rule i never look up to anybody for inspiration but there’s some stuff in my ao3 bookmarks I fawn over.

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of? Right now, none of them. It changes normally, anyway. If get too proud then I’d get my ass kicked by RSD if someone didn’t like it so it’s safer this way

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily? Dialogue. 

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most? Organic description, poetic language kind of stuff. I can paint a scene but I’m not so great with bring out out a feeling with description alone.

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write? Janus and Virgil are probably tied. They both have things I struggle with but I don’t have to go back and do much adjusting of language and tone with them. Though admittedly my Virgil is signifigantly more foul-mouthed than canon and I tend to prefer pre-AA feral asshole Virgil.

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write? Patton. I write him the least, so people can probably tell. I love Patton, I really do, but it’s so hard to keep away from fanon Patton. 

10. What’s your favorite genre to write for? Angst w/ H/C obviously. Or if you’re talking about regular book genres, Fantasy. I fucking love fantasy world building.

11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most? Trauma. I blame Daeram. As if Ayri isn’t a giant Angst Demon.

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about. Slopes. I’m really into it. I’ve got three one shots running right now. Patrons can read the first part of the unnamed cat remus one, there’s also a coffeeshop au tropey nonsense one like eglantine & lycoris, but Slopes is addiction angst. Mmmmm. Virgil is addicted to coke and alcohol and will listening to his friends even be in time? Who knows, especially not me, but there’s already over 30k. 

13. First fandom you ever wrote for? InuYasha. Or was it Harry Potter? Or shit, The Blue Sword? Fuck, I’ve been writing for a long time, I really have no idea.

14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for? Sanders Sides. The characters are the perfect dynamic for writing since they exist in balance of each other and the popular, easy to project on archetypes featured are incredibly fun to do basically any scenario with.

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for? Weird storywise? Kingdom Hearts? I can’t even follow the plot anymore. Weird Fandomwise? Sanders Sides. Its simultainiously the fluffiest and angstiest nonsense at the same time.

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)? Vampires. Gay ones. Gay Vampires. I also love calm tol and angy smol.

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for. Any tropes that normalize incredibly toxic behaviour or tropes that are inherantly ableist, but I can’t think of any.

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written? Incorrigible continues to be complete nonsense.

19. Do you prefer canon-compliant, AUs, or something in-between? AUs. I mean closest I even have is canon-divergence other than a single short.

20. Gen fic or shippy stuff? I like it when there is gay nonsense along with a plot that is treated as more important than the relationship the most. But I like both. There’s more shippy stuff in tss so i read more shipping action by default.

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!) Anxceit/Sleepxiety, but in general, give me darksides or give me death/j

22. Do you listen to anything while you write? Almost everything I write has a special playlist I listen to to help me write it, but otherwise I listen to my Nyan playlist, an alter is picking the tunes, or a voidfam playlist. I never have music off. When my internet is down I just listen to the songs I own or Anxiety’s theme on loop.

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas? I’m fine with all of them. I love working with prompts but I tend to deviate. And I’ve never done a challenge since I can’t do deadlines and bad things happen bingo never sent me a card and I applied three times.

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works? I am generally multi-chaptered stuff, but I’ve been working on a few one-shots lately that are much longer than most one shots.

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them! I was originally thinking of doing some little 13-year-old Dreaming!Roman (y’know, the one with a job) shorts but it turns out I just had an alter of that little bastard and that’s why I inexplicably know more about him then I ever even considered. I still might do them after Dreaming is done. But that’s paced so slowly who knows when that might happen. Otherwise I put stuff in my notes and just do shorts of it if I’m like “oh you know what’s cool???” but since I can’t daydream maybe this question doesn’t apply to me.

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try? I want to do more autism stuff, and I’ve had it demanded a few times, but I’m scared of being that explict about it for some reason. Possibly because I might be, possibly because I’m scared of doing it wrong even though I’ve accidentally coded multiple characters autistic. I’m scared of explictly tagging them as such, too. 

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received? That I can remember off the top of my head? I’m going with one from @a-genz-with-trauma-and-kins. It really helped me out and was just so kind and literally the best christmas gift I got in 2020. 

28. How well do you handle criticism when it comes to your writing? I can handle it alright but Daeram is a little fucking pissbaby about it. Constructive criticism helps people get better, so I appreciate it. I can’t handle critism that is incomplete, though. “i just don’t get it” or “I don’t know I don’t like it” kind of things. If I can’t understand the why to fix it then things get out of control. And then I spiral and RSD for like four days minimum. If it came from an anon or a troll, too, It might not bother me for as long. Things that are just like “this is shit and you should feel bad” just make me laugh. Couldn’t even bother to read it long enough to insult me proper? I don’t care.

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out? I have a few times. Mostly in shorts and prompts, I think. I think they turned out okay. They’re not particularly inspired or anything.

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst? Depends on my mood. Am I triggered? give me the fluff. Am I vibin? Angst. 

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them! Fuck, fam, no, I can’t, I have so many. I have multiple original stories and some of them have very large casts and like holy fuck. Or do you mean in Sanders Sides fandom? Um, Morgan and Thorn in PD. The lesbian and her himbo dynamic. I love them. They’re dorks. Morgan is strong person with sharp tongue and soft romantic heart and Thorn is just so kind and so dumb and so exciteable he’s like a puppy. They were just filler characters and I got attached to them. Felton even gets redemption for being an ass later in PD, like oof i never intended to include so much OC content, especially for names I just picked randomly. 

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less. nope I’m doing all of them because these are fun plea for my new self: 2 gay vampires, 4 humans, 1 braincell dreaming while I wake: trauma child needs therapy and so do you break: big oof, oh dragons, oh why, go virgil go rebuild: virgil is so not okay there’s more virgil to deal painful death: gay teens drink themselves into a new religion stargazing: whoops we didn’t realize people actually cared whole castle: everyone will throw down for kid!patton, even you incorrigible: found family with a shot of psychological horror and crack dangerous instincts: wholesome crime syndacite action  slopes: addict gets mugged and thinks that’s just fine with him conflagration: logan avoids everything ever like a champ cat!remus: bored fae shifts gay pining from one person to another  caffeine cyptids: caffinated gay panic goes faster than regular gay panic eglantine & lycoris: more tropes than you can toss a shoe at storytime: overpowered virgil also overreacts literally always

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process? an alter and I write together and I have absolutely no idea what’s going to happen, what I’m writing about, or even what year it is. I often don’t even remember what I wrote. There’s no outline. I have an idea and I pick things at random for it. There’s just notes and an evil gleam in a demon’s eye. The only reason I know more than readers is because I take a long time to edit and some of these stories have fucking alters up in my head who can tell me things. Daeram tells me nothing. The writing demon supposedly has all this knowledge but I have absolutely no clue because he does not talk to me, he just fronts and slams out 9k in a few hours or we cofront to write and I’m like “oh no she didn’t” while typing 

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of. i’m fond of the entire painful death series and I tried to find something I really liked without spoilers in stargazing and I couldn’t so here’s a random thing from incorrigble: “So, what do you do with your friends?” Patton continued on with a megawatt smile. “Grand larceny,” Virgil deadpanned and glared at Patton, who was taken aback. Remy and Andy just broke out laughing while Virgil tentatively sipped his still-too-hot-cocoa. 

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!  slopes my dudes slopes i have learned so much about cocaine! like wow! I thought for a minute it was going to end with MCD around 30k but it swtiched from whump to hurt/comfort and I still don’t know if it’s going to be MCD but look at that funky little coke/alcohol addict go, it’s a medical wonder he’s alive! It’s not like there’s what seems to be a little talked about interaction between alcohol and cocaine that causes a toxic chemical to build up in the liver which can result in liver failure and sudden death at basically any moment! Which is part of why it may result in MCD but this time no ghosts! maybe it’ll be h/c with whump elements or maybe it’ll be whump with h/c elements we can’t know for sure

[panharmonium]

why are you being like this?

people i’ve met - they’re not like you.  they don’t care.  i don’t matter.

don’t ever think that.  we all matter.

just some meandering thoughts on where the thematic center of merlin bbc lies for me, and how it weaves itself in and out of my fandom experience.

under a cut because this is a) sort of long and b) not really directed anywhere but my own brain, as i keep thinking about and creating for this show.

[as always, before i get rolling, a reminder: when i write about how i engage with this show, it’s just me talking about what gives me, personally, the most satisfaction or enjoyment, not the way i think everybody should do things.  if this isn’t your particular read, please feel free to scroll past.  i am not ever going to bother anybody for engaging with this show in their own way, so please don’t worry about it if we are not on the same page.]

that post about kilgharrah really got me feeling things.  

i struggle a lot with the sort of...non-nuanced ‘fuck kilgharrah/fuck gaius/fuck arthur/fuck whoever’ mode of engagement that i sometimes run across in fandom.  (and i’m not saying there’s anything intrinsically wrong with it; if you have the most fun engaging with the show in that way, please continue to have fun.  i’m just writing, on my own blog and in my own space, about what i personally do or don’t find compelling.)

i struggle with this mode for the same reason that i struggle with the whole ‘fuck yoda!’ narrative that pops up sometimes in tumblr’s star wars fandom.  because it’s not the narrative that the story is actually trying to create, and though this fact doesn’t mean you can’t twist things that way if it gives you more enjoyment, for me, there’s nothing about it that feels good.

writing fictional characters off like this, when the narrative is clearly not asking us to do so, feels...frustratingly false, and externally-imposed, as if characters are being evaluated based on the exacting standards of a universe in which they never lived, in a context where they were never intended to exist.  doing so requires you to willfully ignore what the story is actually trying to say, and it’s fine to go ahead and do that if you want, but for me it strips away so much of what makes the story meaningful.

bbc merlin’s core plotline is about believing in someone’s better nature.  the central storyline is that merlin commits himself to someone who doesn’t always give merlin reason to believe that this commitment is worth it, and yet still there’s always this hope and faith and belief that one day arthur will make it right.  

and this is presented as a worthy choice.  are there problems with it?  of course.  the show knows that, and it gives us places to think about that.  but even with this being the case, the ultimate message of the show is still never that this commitment was useless, worthless, or foolish.  the message of the show is that under the right conditions, people grow.  this show says that when we are given deep love, care, and companionship, we can change for the better.  it says that people, under the right conditions, can learn how to be better than they were before, and that everyone deserves the opportunity to grow into the person they were meant to be.

bbc merlin is not asking us to cancel any of its characters, ever.  that is never the show’s intention.  i won’t try to stop anybody from doing that, if that’s how they have more fun watching the show, but i am still going to contemplate, in my own space, how small that makes the story feel for me.

sometimes i see things like ...‘morgana/gwen/whoever is the only valid character in merlin bbc,’ and i just...first of all, neither of them are perfect, okay, and second of all, it doesn’t MATTER, because that has never been the point of the story.  this story is not asking us to rank characters on a scale of how righteous/unproblematic we think they are.  it’s asking us to CARE about the characters - ALL of the characters - and to root for them (yes, ALL of them), in the fullness of their imperfection.

when i explore the wider fandom, i typically bump up against one of two mindsets.  there’s the shipping mindset, where everybody loves arthur and he’s helplessly in love with merlin.  but i don’t want that mindset (because i don’t ship that pairing), so i look elsewhere.  but the other mindset is an attitude that dislikes arthur, full stop.  and i don’t want that either!

this ‘either/or’ divide is the opposite of what bbc merlin is asking us to do with its characters.  i criticize arthur all the time, but i still don’t think the story is asking me to reject him.  and i don’t WANT to reject him, either - why would i even watch this show, if i didn’t think it was important to see him become who he was meant to be, if i weren’t invested in his growth, if i didn’t ultimately believe in his possibility?  if i didn’t think the show was asking me to root for him - not uncritically, of course; the show is never asking me to do that - but with the core understanding that arthur is somebody worth caring about?

the same goes for morgana.  the show never asks us to write her off.  up until the very end, the show wants us to care about her.  the show wants us to root for her.  the show never asks us to forget that she and the other characters used to love each other; it never tells us to stop wanting morgana to get what she needs.  

gaius, too - the show never wants us to kick him to the curb.  it knows he’s not perfect.  he knows he’s not perfect.  he tells merlin, when talking about his own life, “there has, for the most part, been very little purpose to it.”  but the show doesn’t want us to fixate solely on his failures, or to dump him for his more cowardly moments.  the show wants us to know that he still has value.  it wants us to know that he is doing more good in the world now than he did before, which is all we can ask of a person, in the end.  it wants us to know that he cares, and that he is trying.

and kilgharrah - the show is never asking us to hate him, either!  yes, i get that it’s funny to joke about how “unhelpful” he is; i think that stuff is funny, too - but i also think it matters to understand that in canon, in the show, we are not meant to read kilgharrah as a malevolent figure.  we are not supposed to read him as a villain.  we are supposed to care about him.  we are supposed to understand that he, too, is working, ultimately, for the triumph of Good.  even though his version of this may feel convoluted to us, because kilgharrah isn’t human and can’t possibly be evaluated by human standards, we are supposed to understand that he, too, is trying.  we are supposed to be moved when merlin asks him, “what will i do without you?”

we are supposed to care about all of them.  we are supposed to find all of them worthy.  we are not supposed to evaluate them (and then discard them) according to inflexible, merciless, decontextualized standards imported from a non-merlin-bbc world.

and this doesn’t mean people aren’t still allowed to do that, if it’s fun for them, but for me, analyzing this show outside of its context doesn’t bring me any satisfaction.  we can go ahead and say things like ‘arthur should get his head chopped off’ and like, okay, that’s funny as a joke.  but as an actual analysis of the show - as a sincere interpretation of the story - it fails.  it’s devoid of all context.  we aren’t supposed to be evaluating this story from the perspective of ‘let’s overthrow the monarchy, kings should die, etc etc.’  the context of merlin bbc is that albion is waiting for a righteous monarch, and that this is a desirable, acceptable, correct thing, in the context of that world.  we are supposed to understand that arthur IS the once and future king, and that this IS a good thing, in this universe, and that the journey we are on here is one where he becomes worthy of his seat on the throne and then ushers in a time of peace and justice for all of albion’s people.

(and as i’ve said before - this is why the merlin bbc finale is so stunningly bad.  it’s not that the show subverts our expectations, it’s that it annihilates its own story, which it has been consistently telling for sixty-three episodes.)

that aside, though - this same overlooking of contextual nuance is the reason why i don’t connect to takes that consider ‘oh no, merlin kills people!’ to be evidence that he’s “changed,” “gone dark,” or “lost his soul.”  merlin does go through a dramatic (and tragic) change by the time we hit season 5, but what happens to him has nothing to do with the fact that he’s killed people.  the context of this show isn’t one where killing is a universal evil.  killing in battle or for the purpose of self-defense is not a morally problematic choice, in this world.  merlin, like everyone else in this show’s context, understands this, and killing a group of enemy soldiers to protect his own life is not something the show intends for us to interpret as an erosion of his humanity. 

what IS framed as an evil act, in the context of merlin bbc, is when someone chooses to kill despite the fact that mercy is an option.  if arthur had killed odin when he could have instead made peace with him, if arthur had executed annis’s champion or vivian’s father when he had already defeated them in single combat, if merlin had killed kilgharrah whilst having absolute power over him - those are morally bankrupt choices, in merlin bbc’s context.

we’re not supposed to see things like merlin killing agravaine as evil decisions.  in the context of the show’s world, killing agravaine is a necessary, morally uncomplicated act.  it isn’t something merlin wants to do, certainly, and he tries to avoid it, and he doesn’t strike back until agravaine tries to kill him first, but ultimately this moment is not supposed to be illustrative of merlin turning down a dark path.  it’s grim, sure, but in the context of the show - in the context of the era - it’s nothing more than the justified wages of aggression.  agravaine brings this fate down upon his own head.  merlin is not a pacifist, and neither he nor anyone else would expect himself to just stand there and let a group of enemy soldiers murder him when he could instead kill the soldiers and get away.  that’s nonsensical and utterly decontextualized.  it’s not an expectation that anyone in-story would have, nor a standard that merlin (or anyone else) would hold himself to.

all that aside, though -

the issue, for me, in summary, is just that i think sometimes we...evaluate this show in ways that it really isn’t meant to be interpreted, without considering the story’s context or thinking about what the story’s actual intent is.  and i think that these decontextualized interpretations are often less generous than what the show is actually trying to say to us, and that sometimes we write characters off when the show absolutely is not asking us to do that.  

and of course, nobody has to listen to what the show is trying to say if they don’t want to.  if it brings someone more enjoyment to pick one character to stan and say ‘the rest of these characters are Bad People and i’m not interested in them,’ then that’s fine!  whatever floats your boat.  

it just doesn’t float mine.

the point of this show, for me, is that everybody deserves a chance.  the point of this show is exactly what merlin says to daegal in the woods, even as daegal is leading merlin into a trap: we all matter.  the theme at the heart of this story is that it is possible to love someone who doesn’t deserve it, and that this can be a worthy choice, a transformative choice, a powerful choice - not necessarily a perfect choice, or even the right choice, maybe, for the person making it, but still a choice that holds value, a choice that creates something good in this world, even at cost.

listen to me, clotpole.  i don't care if you die, there are plenty of other princes.  you're not the only pompous, supercilious, condescending, royal imbecile i could work for; the world is full of them.  but I'm going to give you one more chance.

should merlin have done that?

we can debate that forever.  i am critical enough of arthur pendragon myself, when it comes to merlin’s well-being, and i could easily argue that no, merlin shouldn’t have given arthur as many chances as he did; he shouldn’t have stuck around; he shouldn’t have offered so much of his life to someone who continued to make arthur’s kind of mistakes.

but i think it matters to remember that in canon, thematically, the story’s answer to this question is yes.  mercy, in this story, is the most noble gift a person can bestow on someone else, and i think we are asked to bestow this same kind of mercy on the show’s characters, heroes and villains alike.  we aren’t ever told, in this show, that some of these characters “weren’t good enough” to deserve their chances.  we are told that in this world, compassion is always worthwhile.  love is never wasteful.  it is never foolish to care for people, even and especially when they aren’t yet their best selves.  giving someone a chance does matter.  choosing to care does make a difference, in the end.  

people don’t have to import these themes into their own personal analysis, by any means.  but i am still committed to remembering, in my own work, in my own space, that when we raise the question “was it worth it” in reference to whether these characters truly deserved to be loved, or trusted, or given a chance to grow - the story’s answer is unequivocally yes.

[cptsdstudyblr]

I got a new planner!

[Image descriptions are available at the bottom of the post.]

[Image description after text because it is very long.]

This year, I’ve really been struggling with the digital planner system that’s gotten me through the past 4 years of school. Honestly, I think the fact that all I ever do anymore is stare at my laptop has made that planner less practical for me to use. So, today, I was out and about trying to find a specific size of envelope (which I did not find) and I ended up at YP Books (영풍문고), where I found this planner (the Color Point Study Planner). I honestly picked it up just because it was there and it was cute, but when I opened it I was struck by how well-organized this planner was for someone who likes to plan the way I do. To plan, I need a delicate balance of structure and leniency, because if I tip too far one way or the other, I’ll never accomplish anything.

It’s got this really cute monthly page (which can be customized for any month). You do have to write the days yourself, and as you can see by my scribbles, I momentarily forgot that not every month starts on a Sunday. However, this page is super versatile! I write my assignments and exams here and color code those days, and I use the unlabeled checklist at the bottom right to make a brief to-do list for the month. Once I finish something, it gets marked off or highlighted! I think this is a really helpful way to visualize my schedule and make sure I don’t lose track of any due dates.

Each month also comes equipped with daily pages. Once again, you do have to customize these yourself, but that’s part of what I like about it. I can skip days if I need to and I can make sure that the page handles what I need how I need it. These pages are quite complicated, but I’ll give you the basics of how I use them. 

At the top, there are 3 blanks after the date. One is labelled “D-Day,” but I instead use this to label the day of the week as I find that much more useful for me, then I fill out how many hours I plan to study (I do this at the beginning of the day so that it motivates me), then I put my general goal or plan for the day to the right. Below that, in the “Check Point” space, I put the two biggest goals I have for the day task-wise. These are usually my highest-priority tasks.

Obviously, the bulk of the space is used for a checklist, which I use to outline all the tasks I need to do that day, both school and otherwise. To the right, in the schedule space, I plan my day to make sure I can get everything done that I need to get done. There’s also a space at the bottom that I use to write events and extremely important tasks (such as exams and due dates).

Overall, the point of this post is that it’s really important to find an organizational system that works for you, whether it be digital or paper. My personal suggestion for figuring out your best system is just trial and error. Unfortunately, trial and error can be quite expensive, so I’ll include below some tips to find a good system for you without breaking the bank:

Try digital first! Most digital platforms are free (or at least have free trials), so this is a great place to start to save money. It’s also a great way to figure out what elements of different systems work for you - even if digital isn’t your thing, you might realize that you prefer a to-do list over a calendar, or that you work really well with a super structured study schedule. That info can help you find a paper planner that will work well for you.

Go to the store and look at physical planners. Once you have an idea of what you’re looking for in a planner, go to a physical store (or multiple) and spend some time looking through a bunch of planners. Once again, even if you don’t like any of them, this might help give you an idea of what you do and don’t like.

Print out (or draw) planner pages. If you want to test out a style of physical planner without buying it, find an online PDF or create your own and print a few to test out. You can also draw it (just make sure to take a photo in the store so you can do so accurately) in a regular notebook for testing purposes.

Do research. There’s lots of different methods of planning schedules, keeping track of due dates, and journaling besides the typical Google calendar and to-do list or the standard paper planner. A great example is bullet journaling, which allows you to create your own planner and change it up as you want.

Eventually you’ll figure out what planning style works best for you, and you’ll find the perfect paper planner to purchase if that’s what you decide is your best option.

[Image description after the read more:]

[Image description:

Image 1/4: There’s a pink notebook. On the cover are a man and a woman holding smiley face signs over their faces. Below them, text reads “Anything is good if I can do it with you. Whether it’s laughing together, studying together, or playing together, everything is twice as wonderful when you are doing it with me.” In the top left, a blue sticky note covers the user’s name and on it is written “@cptsdstudyblr.”

Image 2/4: This is a two-page notebook spread. The pages are white with a purple outline. The page is titled “How to Use Study Planner.” The two pages detail how each page of the planner is intended to be used, but most of the text is in Korean (transcription note: according to Google, the Korean alphabet would not work with English screen-readers, so I haven’t included this text). There are 7 steps labelled in English for using the planner.

About my goal

Time table

Monthly study plan

Daily study plan

Exam plan & result

Internet lecture check

Mock test record & graph

Transcription note: I’m happy to provide the Korean contents of the page for anyone who is interested, but I don’t want to break everyone’s screen readers.

Image 3/4: This is a two-page monthly calendar spread. The pages are primarily white, with a yellow bar across the top. The number 10 is circled in the top right to indicate that the page is for the 10th month. The days of the week start from Sunday and go to Saturday. The month is labelled from date 1 (a Thursday) to date 31 (a Saturday). Below are listed dates with special notes:

October 4 - Micro HW. This date is highlighted purple, and the text is highlighted yellow to indicate that the assignment is complete.

October 7 - Networks HW. This date is highlighted purple, and the text is highlighted yellow to indicate that the assignment is complete.

October 8 - Critical Thinking Paper. This date is highlighted purple, and the text is highlighted yellow to indicate that the assignment is complete.

October 10 - Korean HW. This date is highlighted purple, and the text is highlighted yellow to indicate that the assignment is complete.

October 11 - Micro HW. This date is highlighted purple, and the text is highlighted yellow to indicate that the assignment is complete.

October 15 - Micro HW. This date is highlighted purple.

October 18 - Micro HW. This date is highlighted purple.

October 22 - Comp Pol Exam. There is a bubble around the words and the date is highlighted pink.

On the far right is a cute, colorful drawing of a woman studying with her dog and the quote “It’s more fun when you study together than alone!” Below that is a checklist with the items “Vote!,” “Student ID,” and “Midterms.”

Image 4/4:

This is a two-page spread consisting of two daily planner pages. The pages are primarily white with a yellow outline. The leftmost page is as follows:

There are two columns on this page. The left column’s top row has three sections - “Date - 12,” “D-Day - Lun,” “Study Hours - 5.” (Transcription note: The “D-Day” blank is used for the day of the week instead of the proper use, and the days of the week are labelled in French rather than English.) The second row of that column is labelled “Check Point” and has two bullet points “catch up on micro” and “be ready to vote.” Below that is a small slot to put a song of the day, which is “SKZ (Transcription note: SKZ stands for Stray Kids) - Slump (Japanese ver.). Below is the checklist for the day. It includes both the priority and the item as follows:

HI - buy envelope

HI - micro lab video

HI - Korean class

MED - micro lecture

LO - micro HW (lecture)

MED - grocery shopping

HI - Korean HW

Below this checklist is a doodle of a woman studying.

The right column of this page starts on its top row with the slot “Goal,” which is filled with the phrase “catch up.” Below that, the user has indicated that they woke up at 11:30 and went to sleep at 1:30. Below that, they have colored 4 water drops out of 5 and given the day a score of 4 stars out of 5. Below that is a timetable for the day, which is filled with “Shop” from 13:00 - 14:30, “Study” from 15:30 - 17:00, 20:00 - 20:30, and 22:00 - 23:30, and “Korean” from 18:00 - 20:00. The right page is as follows:

There are two columns on this page. The left column’s top row has three sections - “Date - 13,” “D-Day - Mar,” “Study Hours - blank.” (Transcription note: The “D-Day” blank is used for the day of the week instead of the proper use, and the days of the week are labelled in French rather than English.) The second row of that column is labelled “Check Point” and has two bullet points “vote” and “micro HW.” Below that is a small slot to put a song of the day, which has been left blank. Below is the checklist for the day. It includes both the priority and the item as follows:

HI - drop off ballot

HI - comp. pol lecture

MED - micro HW (lab)

MED - micro HW (lecture)

HI - Korean HW

LO - religion series plan

Above this checklist is a doodle of a man sleeping.

The right column of this page starts on its top row with the slot “Goal,” which is filled with the phrase “micro HW.” Below that, the user has left the wake time, sleep time, water consumption, and daily score fields blank. Below those is a timetable for the day, which is filled with “Vote” from 9:00 - 11:00, “Study” from 12:00 - 14:00 and 14:00 - 18:00. The bottom of the page has been censored with two blue sticky notes that read “Plans for the day! Censored for safety reasons.”]