#its 2am i have no idea what this means either

[frogsareallgay]

identity crisis all day every day

its like a party in your brain but you want to go home and the people there are gender dysphoria, imposter syndrome, envy and the dickeads from your school

[alliskit]

BG3 Headcanons Nobody Asked For.

Part 1: Sleep.

Staring up at my ceiling waiting to sleep made me ask, "How do the companions realistically sleep?" Thank you insomnia for the inspiration.

Gale:

He has to be comfy. He's particular about his pillows and will be very angry if someone "borrows" HIS pillow. (Karlach and Astarion thinks his reaction is funny and will steal it, likely giving it to Lae'zel who has no idea how it got in her tent and insists AGAIN it wasn't her)

It takes him a while to fall asleep, he's a canon overthinker and what better time than alone, pent up, in a tent.

Speaking of pent up, he is likely to wank off to help sleep. It's science. (Is thinking of tav)

Tosses slightly in REM or at the beginning, eventually stays pretty much in the same position all night.

On particularly stressful days/nights, he sleep talks. You could have full conversations with him, even if they are whacko and hilarious (Shadowheart loves to mess with this). He also says funny gimmicks in his sleep like his "By Algeron's nose!" quite loudly. It does wake camp and will start with others messing with him.

He has a tendency to early to sleep, early to rise, UNLESS he has found himself caught up in a recent hyperfixation where he will be up all night and crash at daybreak. His sleep will be much different and he crashes on his stomach, drooling a lot.

Most common position is one leg straight, the other slightly bent (almost making the 4 pose), hand on either side of his chest, unintentionally touching the orb.

Has a magical alarm set the to same time every morning. He gets up promptly and is a bit peeved by those who seem to "Dilly Dally" (because he says shit like that unironically) in the mornings.

Karlach:

Almost complete opposite of Gale. The girl's got ADHD as canon so IYKYK. If you don't *Let me describe it to you*:

She crashes. Girl can be asleep in under 20 minutes and can do it in almost any conditions. Had to learn to sleep wherever chasing devils in the hells. She rocks out and goes down hard.

Tosses and turns all night. Full on starfish queen. Always starts the morning with "Gods I was so cold last night". Likely because she kicked off all her covers at hour 2.

Sleeps hard. Doesn't wake up for anything. Zariel's entire entourage could show up at 2AM and she would have to be woken up.

She has 2 modes: #1) falls asleep before dinner because she just wanted a "nap", wakes at 4am for a snack and falls back to sleep. #2) She stays up talking until everyone is going to bed, even staying up to talk with whoever is on first watch and finally crashing when the second shift gets up.

It takes her forever to get out of bed. Everyone could be up and nearly ready to go and it takes the smell of food or someone nudging her to get her to start. Even if she does wake up, she takes forever to get ready or even off her bedroll. If the group wants to leave in a timely manner, someone has to get her up early (usually Gale because being late makes him angyyy. Also Lae'zel is very punctual but refuses to wake Karlach because "she needs to learn to do it on her own")

She is super groggy when she gets up. Will not talk to anyone.

Has to hug something: Tav, Clive, a pillow, extra bedroll, Scratch, etc.

Talks in her sleep as well, but hers are unintelligible. Some words like "Heya" or small phrases can be deciphered, but usually its just loud mumbles. (Cannot hold full on conversation like with Gale)

Vivid dreams. Likes to recount them on travels and tries to figure out if they mean something. They are usually very odd and funny. Though, she does have nightmares of the hells more often than she will admit. Has only admitted such to Astarion, who can relate.

Lae'zel:

Irish exits to bed. Tells no one. If everyone is drinking and she just decides she's tired, she goes to bed. Most don't even realize she's gone for a while.

She sleeps like the dead, but will wake up wide awake. She can be woken up by sound in the middle of the night, but she easily goes back to sleep.

Doesn't move an inch after sleeping. Sleeps on her back hands on her stomach like the dead. Sometimes a leg will shift an inch or so.

She has the perfect internal clock. Has to go to bed around the same time and wakes around the same time naturally. Soldier's hours. She was trained at her creche to sleep and wake at exact times - no exceptions.

The first time she ever slept in was after a night of drinking where she went to bed after her internal clock was ignored. She had a full on panic attack and got very angry that no one woke her, despite everyone being hung over and not waking up early too.

Dreams are vivid, but she doesn't talk about them like Karlach.

Stretches before bed in her tent, trains before breakfast every morning.

If it was her way, everyone would be on her schedule. Hates the differentiation between habits. Used to the organization and tries to repeatedly convince the group that it's the only way they should be doing it. They oblige her for two days, then stop. Karlach is the first to quit. Shadowheart secretly likes the idea of organized wake and sleep times, but will never admit it to Lae'zel.

Shadowheart:

Has to have tea before bed. Convinced herself she won't sleep well without it and now she doesn't. When the group has to make quick camp and she has no time to make it, she is annoyed, but won't say anything about it.

Light sleeper. She will sleep a full night, but wakes up several times. Likes to tell the one on watch it's because she wants to check on them, but in reality, she woke up having to pee. Like every night. And because they were likely too loud doing something to keep themselves awake and it woke her up.

She sleeps like a normal person would (is anyone normal? I guess I mean what statically people have a tendency to do...). She tosses a little in REM and then stills. Side sleeper. She also snores when she is really tired, and it can wake herself up. Once Astarion called her out for snoring and she vehemently denied it, but she knew it was likely true. She's really self conscious about it.

Though she loves Tav, she doesn't love sharing a tent. She grew up sharing everything with initiates and having her own space for once is nice. She will snuggle for a few minutes then tell Tav they're a little hot and scoot away. Not even a foot touch. Girl needs her space.

Despite needing space the exceptions to this are Scratch and the Owlbear. She has to have them in her tent. She will bribe then away from other companions because she won't sleep without them. (HC is in her playthrough she romances Halsin and will sleep next to him as a bear, when she can change into her lycanthropic wolf form, she might sleep that way next to him too.)

Wakes up as soon as she hears people about, usually right after Gale and Lae'zel. Hates that Lae'zel likes to be the group alarm clock by using her sharpening stone to wake everyone up. She did try to call Lae'zel out on it, but Lae'zel just shrugged and told her everyone should be up by sunrise anyway. She is secretly thankful even if it's the most annoying noise ever because she would just sleep in if Lae'zel didn't.

Wyll:

He likes to stay up late and wakes up only when breakfast is ready. Not as bad as Karlach.

He is usually the one to take first watch, so he can stay up and read his erotica, take a private bath (he's got a routine), dance alone, train, have a drink, etc. Have "me" time.

He sleeps flipping from back to side several times. If he's really tired, he ends up on his stomach. Heavy mouth breather. Knows he is because he will wake up with dry mouth or drool crust. Very insecure about it. Half of avoiding sex with someone is the sleeping over. He thinks he's a bad sleeper. He's not that bad. One time someone called him out on it, has been embarrassed ever since.

Dreams of falling asleep snuggling with Tav, but in practice, it kind of annoys him and they keep him awake. Used to his own routines.

Has to have water nearby. Will wake up with dry mouth and chug it.

Has dreams, but rarely remembers them.

Won't really talk to anyone until he's had tea, coffee, or food. Gale makes him super annoyed in the mornings because he wants to talk immediately.

Halsin:

Can stay up late and rise early. Will often be found talking to Karlach well into the night.

Has a tent, rarely uses it. Can fall asleep by the fire with people talking nearby or even someone up on watch. Will move his sleep spot to places just outside of camp to get more of a "falls asleep under the stars" feel. Can sleep without a bedroll if he wanted.

Naturally warm (werebear HC all the way), he doesn't often need a blanket, let alone clothes. Will skip clothes when he's outside of camp or in his tent. Wishes the companions were more "open minded" about the benefits of sleeping nude.

When not asleep in camp where he can be seen, will definitely, almost every time, wank off to sleep. It's natural! If he's got Tav, he will respect their no, but will always ask for a romp before bed.

He reveries peacefully, even if he's having "nightmares". No one would know if they looked at him that he was reliving the day his archdruid mentor died. He won't burden anyone with it either.

Big cuddler. Likes cuddling before reverie if Tav is willing. Or even if on of the companions are. Doesn't have to lead to anything, a cuddle is a cuddle.

Wakes with the sun everyday. Stretches and takes a walk within minutes of waking. Sun in the first 10 minutes kind of guy. (He would love Andrew Huberman)

Will want to talk as soon as he wakes up too, to Wyll's chagrin.

Minthara:

Has shit reverie. Super light sleeper most nights, where she can't say she got much sleep. Then once or twice a month she will crash. Will sleep like Karlach and not wake for anything.

DO NOT WAKE HER UP SHE WILL HURT YOU (only verbally if you're lucky, there is a literal knife under her pillow).

Even if she has sleep issues, she insists on an image of "early to sleep, early to rise". She sees herself in a secret camaraderie with Lae'zel. She won't admit she wants Lae'zel to give her approval, but she smiles and nods at her every morning.

Eternal eye bags, but pretends they aren't there. She is gorgeous and she knows it.

Nightmares about her life in Menzoberranzan or memories of the love of her life alive are the regulars on the menu, though after a few months with the companions, she starts having reveries about Karlach in battle... a lot.

Knows she should take a shift of watch and would be the best candidate for it, but won't do it unless someone asks.

Doesn't move in her sleep and if she wakes up, she moves as fast as a spider when you try to catch it. So, once again: DO NOT WAKE HER UP.

Doesn't talk to anyone until everyone has eaten, even if she is wide awake. She hates talking to people in the morning, unless you're Tav... or Karlach (but as previously mentioned, Karlach doesn't wake until breakfast and doesn't talk until breakfast, so it's her dreams come true.)

Astarion:

Left him for last becasue talking about the causes of CPTSD on sleep can be heartbreaking and complicated. I'm thankful I don't often relive memories in my dreams, but I know many who do. And he sure does.

He has broken reverie, not just shit reverie like Minthara. Minthy still reveries. He dreams/reveries together. He can't tell what is a memory and what is a dream anymore. His memories have been so rewritten, he doesn't believe he actually remembers anything properly, let alone his life before Cazador. He considers anything that comes up from back then to be a fantasy his mind made up.

It takes him forever to fall asleep and he wakes up easily. He is getting only a few hours each night. Spends a lot of time staring up at the tent ceiling or secretly watching the first watch until his turn at second. Is very often on either first or second watch.

Knows a lot about how the rest of the companions sleep. You can just assume he took these notes that I'm now recording for you.

He has no real sleep routine because he thinks they don't work and is frustrated by them even though Gale insists he keep trying.

Even when he's tired, exhausted, body ready to pass out, his mind is awake. He will still just lay there. Chronic insomnia.

When he has Tav's blood for the first time, it is the first time he has a full night reverie in centuries. It's not even scary memories, but rather sad mundane ones (would be sad and traumatic to anyone else, but traumatic for him is much more intense obvs).

By canon will have severe nightmares when too hungry.

Usually has to hunt before bed if Tav (or another companion) doesn't give him blood (HC is that Halsin is one of the only other willing to share). Gets excess anxiety out, but also feeding helps him get at least to sleep, eventually. Nights he doesn't he pulls all nighters or ends up having very short, nightmare induced reveries.

If Tav sleeps next to him, he sleeps a tad bit better, but is extremely nervous his insomnia will keep them up. First few times lies there just listening to them sleep.

Will pretend to "wake up" after others have gotten up, but has been up for hours already. Is the actual first one up even if no one else knows. Often takes a walk in the early light (Has seen Halsin sleeping butt naked and has considered waking the bear with a special "treat"). But usually uses the time to feel the sun on his skin and wade in the river alone.

Thank you for enjoying my very detailed mindless imaginings.

[starlightiing]

I saw you were sad about your writing before you deleted that post. Wanna tell us about some WIPs you have? 🥺 ❤️ 💙 💜

Thanks anon I appreciate you. I kinda want to throw all my WIPs in the trash actually ahaha but uh lemme gather my documents and see what I have...

Pierresteban:

1. Car Crash fic. Pierre gets in a horrific car accident while they're in Texas a week before the GP. He and Esteban had a nasty break up and quite literally only speak for work purposes. Pierre, however, forgot to update his emergency contact and Esteban got the call at 2am. Tired and annoyed, he brings himself to the hospital with his proof of identity, expecting to hear that Pierre was stupid and broke an arm or something. It's much worse.

2. Android AU - Pierre is a very high tech android, the first and only of his kind. He's incredibly hyper realistic, so much so that he managed to fool a doctor. However, when he's debuted to the investors, they're afraid of how realistic he is. They tell the devs to turn him off and put him away for now, but Pierre was built with self preservation and he knows that means death. He runs away from them and seeks refuge with one of the mechanics that works for the company that created him - Esteban Ocon. Chaos ensues. Esteban steals this multi million dollar android and runs away with him to save his life.

3. Jurassic World AU - Pierre works at the hatchery with baby dinos. He's a "veterinarian" in a sense, and he plays with/mothers the baby dinos and makes sure they are socialized and enriched and such before they're put in their enclosures. Esteban works park security and special operations. When the park goes down, a series of events leads them both to miss the evacuation boat and thanks to Esteban losing his heart monitor in the scuffle, his security team sees him "flatline" and they think he's dead, so no one is coming for them, either. Survival AU for the boys.

Landoscar:

1. Young Forever AU - this one is a bit odd, but it's a sort of "if you fall asleep you die" scenario, only its "if the music stops you die" - based on the line "the best of the drums keeps us alive" from the song Young Forever by The Ready Set - tying it into the beat of the drum being the beat of their hearts. If they're without music, they're without a beat, and therefore their heart stops. It sounds dumb. I promise it won't be. I'm still working out the kinks. It's going to be the strangest thing I ever write I think.

2. Soulmate AU - Don't want to go too far into this one, but Lando is a star that is humanized when he makes it to Earth. Yes, it sounds similar to the movie Stardust, no, it's actually not. Oscar has Lando's stardust inside of him, and so he literally lights up from his veins up to his heart when Lando touches him, because it's the stardust inside of him reacting to its host. Oscar has to help Lando figure out how to be human, they fall in love, there's issues, ect ect. Their bond is moldable. It's cute.

3. Flatliners AU - this one has a lot of pairings but the main focus is landoscar. Lando, Oscar, Pierre, Esteban, Alex, George, Charles, and Logan are med students in their residencies at the same hospital. Lando is focusing in neurology and has taken a special interest in "life after death" and what the brain does when the heart stops. He approaches his friends with a very casual, "I want you to stop my heart" to mixed reviews. Oscar's focus is cardiology and also he has the most sense out of them all so he highly protests such a stupid idea. Majority rules, though, unfortunately for him.

Lestappen / Galex / Landoscar / Pierresteban:

1. Angel AU - first part has been posted. Post apocalyptic world. Some humans started being born with genetic mutations: wings. Wings are worth a lot of money on the black market because the feathers have dust on them that are used for making hallucinogenic drugs. Humans are viciously hunting angels down to make a buck. A lot of underground bunkers from the apocalypse are commandeered by GOOD humans who set them up as sanctuaries to hide angels in. Alex Albon runs a sanctuary (he's also a doctor). Charles is his right hand man, and alongside Lewis, they lead raids and missions to find angels, save them, and take out hunters. Lots of subplots in this one, but it's a lot of fun. And a lot of pain.

Alex/Logan:

1. Soulmate AU that I have not decided on yet.

Yukierre:

1. Soulmate au with soulmarks. Featuring Pierre being rejected by his soulmate which causes the biggest downward depressive spiral when his soul make disappears and another doesn't manifest in its place. Lots of angst here. Yuki saves the day.

Charles/George:

1.Inception AU - this can also fall under Pierresteban and Landoscar. It is literally just the dumb boys in the universe of Inception, invading dreams and doing very illegal things while dressed up in very fancy expensive clothes. Also they have guns.

[spicygambles]

A Study of an Omegaverse Concept I've Only Used Once (so far) and a Comparison With Most of Its Modern Counterparts

Author/s: Gim et al

(I started this last night at like 2am and when I woke up I decided to finish it lmao)

it's uhh way past midnight and... I'm kinda thinking about the omegaverse au we've started with 'bad idea' and how their secondaries aren't necessarily determined by birth... technically.

✨Pheromones✨

Omegas are born with and produce omega pheromones, and Alphas do the same with alpha pheromones. In this though, Betas work more like.. a sponge or an empty pitcher. But then again one of the hallmarks of Omegaverse are the additional characteristics Alphas and Omegas have. Would this mean that technically, everyone has the "secondary traits"? only being amplified if enough of either pheromone is in their body?

Anyways back to the pheromones, does it have a physical form? Like microscopic cells or maybe some weird sort of aura. Do people have a limit of how much they can produce? With Betas, do they have a limit of how much they can store?

That then brings up the means of transmission. How do these pheromones move from one person to another? Well boning is a given, if anything the one place pheromones should be is in bodily fluids but then do they need to bone? Is there someone out there selling like, potions or milkshakes that are guaranteed to make Betas more alpha-like or omega-like? Only temporarily of course, because it's starting to look like 'pheromones' is a consumable resource that can either run out or just fade in time, especially in Betas that don't really produce their own.

Ok so, Alphas and Omegas can give Betas a bunch of their pheromones, and if given enough, they can induce temporary changes to their anatomy. What'll happen if they were given an equal amount of both pheromones? At the same time? (🥴 e-ehem) I'm guessing both secondary traits but at a lesser degree.

But then how would bitching or studding work? It's kind of like... a system override isn't it. If two Omegas in heat were to bone what determines which one gets studded? Is it guaranteed? Maybe not as much for Omegas, higher chances for Alphas though? Hmm. Biologically though, how does it work?

In a bitching scenario if an Alpha was to inject his own pheromones into another Alpha, the "weaker" Alpha's whole biology would shift to produce Omega pheromones to accept the sudden deluge of Alpha ji- pheromones. In studding, it would be the "weaker" Omega's pheromones begging the "stronger" Omega for a compatible pheromone to bond with, thus also altering their biology. So in theory, its like a biochemical response right?

Also, there's a pretty noticable change in demeanor when they've undergone the process isn't there. Like Doc's body language and whatnot. I do think pheromones has something to do with it but the changes in behavior are definitely more apparent in bitching/studding than it is with Betas being filled.

I guess that goes back to the fact that Alphas and Omegas are more sensitive to pheromonal changes than Betas would be? Hmm perhaps.

Conclusion

I should sleep before 2 am because my thoughts get too loopy otherwise.

[doonthestair]

The absolute worst part of homebrew Dungeons and Dragons campaigns is that I can’t lurk in online discussion threads about plot theories, there aren’t ridiculously long character analysis videos I can put on while I clean my room, I can’t fangirl (gender-neutral) with others about favorite NPCs, I haven’t set any fanart as my phone background, and I can’t read a plot summary on Wikipedia to learn spoilers in a 2AM moment of weakness. 

I could go on for lengths about how fascinating it’s been to watch the campaign universe expand and blossom into the storied and beautiful entity it is, 

about how proud I am of our newest player for really stepping up into roleplay and helping provide for an intensely engaging plot, 

about how much I adore the little physicalities everyone adopts when acting, 

about how weak I am for Elion interactions, 

about the shivers I felt when Morgana stood firm on her beliefs and how impressed I am with that player’s creative spell usage,

about the tears that fell from my friends’ eyes as soon as my voice began to crack in-character,

and about just how goddamn motherfucking excited I am to see this arc of our longtime running campaign through to its end, whatever that may be.

But those names mean nothing to people who aren’t there with me on the bedroom floor, rolling dice and clasping their hands over their mouth when the twist comes to light. And at the same time, that’s the best part of homebrew D&D.

The best part of homebrew Dungeons and Dragons campaigns is that they will forever be something special and intimate shared only between people around which you can show such a vulnerable part of yourself.

There’s inside jokes that make me giggle every time, there’s the knowing glances exchanged across the room when the consequences of past arcs are hinted at, there’s the simultaneously hated and respected tension built at the end of a session knowing we all have to wait until next time and we can’t just look up the answers online. I’m so lucky to have the most brilliant DM and the coolest group of players that I could ask for. The internet doesn’t create fanart but my DM prints out in-universe newspapers with original writing and as of today, an original picture (of MY character no less), and there are some crazy talented artists in my group who produce wonderful character designs and stunning renditions of session scenes. I would love their art either way but I almost feel like their scarcity makes them that much more meaningful. There’s no subreddits for our campaign but we have Discord messages showing insane and passionate rambling about narrative ideas and character development. We have the most dedicated note-taker and I appreciate their work dearly, not only in helping us down the line in recalling important information but also effectively creating a written highlight reel that I would otherwise search for in YouTube compilations. The people who showed up for today’s session showed UP if you get what I’m saying. They proved their commitment. They proved their intrigue. I’m just so happy to be a part of it all. A massive thank you to @nplutonian, the sinister and loving genius who facilitated all of us being here in the first place. 

[carlos-tk]

nice ask week

hi D! it's nice ask week! What made you start watching LS and what was it about the show that made you spiral into fandom?

Hi Rae! Thanks for the question! 💗 Apologies for how long this took me to answer. Work took over my life this week 😢 Now buckle in for a stupidly long story 😅

Firstly, I had watched the original 911s first and half of its 2nd season whenever they aired (2018/19 thanks Wikipedia) and then totally forgot all about it because again #life 😅 I did hear about a spin off whenever they announced it but I guess the only info was that it was coming soon. Wikipedia is helping out and it seems it was May 2019. I didn’t really pay it much mind because by then I had already stopped watching the og.

So I move on with my life and don’t think about either series until September 2022. I saw a youtube clip of a scene: the throwing each other against the wall hookup from 1x02. I watched it and I was like.. OH?!👀🔥🥵 Saved it to my YouTube watch later and again forgot all about it because back then I was doing full time shift work and had no time to breathe let alone watch anything new 😂 (kicking myself because I could’ve been here a year ago) 😭

Cut to this year. I can give you an exact date i rediscovered 911 verse. May 17th 2023!! 🥳 All because of the Tarlos wedding.

Twitter is probably the platform I use the most cos it’s got all my sports content😅 Anyway I happened to be on the discover/trending tab and one of the top hashtags was #TarlosWedding which was airing that day. I clicked it to investigate and scrolled through. It was full of pics and fanvids of the wedding and again I was like OH 👁👁. I liked a bunch of the tweets to revisit and moved on with my day. A few days later because I had liked all that stuff, Twitter keeps recommending me more content. So I find myself back on YouTube and watched these:

and then a series of random scenes and I was like... okay I need full context for all of this. Another month passes and it’s probably end of June/early July and I’m like let me see if this is available anywhere to watch in Australia. I find it on Disney+ and they have seasons 1-3. This is finally when I watched the show. And then I could not stop thinking about it. S4 is no where to be found though. So I google and see it’s halfway through airing on Channel 7 here which means it won’t be uploaded to Disney+ for a while. So then I’m like UGH 😒😩😤 I wanted to binge the whole season like I had for the others. I kept tabs on when it would finish airing on TV and eventually the finale airs August 14th. The next day I start it and binge the whole season on 7Plus over a few days.

Now that I had seen their entire story so far, I was full blown hyper fixating. Like they’re on my mind ALL the time. I’m reading a book or watching a movie/show and thinking about Tarlos in place of the characters. I’m listening to a song or reading a poem/lyric and being like oh that’s so Tarlos coded😂😂 At this point i’m like oh no 😅😅 The fandom life is coming for me.

Then the biggest surprise of all I start getting the urge to write fanfic again! Which is insane because I had not written anything in (redacted) years. Like nearly every time as I was about to sleep, I start having ideas and rambling it out in my notes app at stupid hours like 2am 😂😅

Next we have the writers/actors strike and I’m like 👀trust me to find a new obsession and everyone is on strike and I’m gonna get nothing new for ages. Then I remember AO3 is a thing that exists and find my way to the 911 Lone Star tag and start reading fic again. Any spare moment I had I was itching to read whatever I could get my eyeballs on. I said to you the other day that I read your gym!AU first and look I might’ve read a random 1k word one shot or two but nothing I can actually remember like yours 😂🥵 I think the added pictures and texts made it so memorable because 1. I did not know you could do that on AO3 2. Rafael is like the hottest guy I’ve ever seen 😅😅 and 3. It was just so damn good 🥵 Sm*t with feelings and I am there. You teased the feelings a little and if/when (no pressure btw) you decide to revisit this universe just know I’ll be first in line 🙋🏼‍♀️ and the reason I can recall it as the first is it’s the oldest AO3 tab saved to my safari reading list 😅

By this point I’m reading fic through the end of August and September constantly. A few I read had peoples Tumblr links in the end notes so then I remember that Tumblr also exists 😂 I come over and lurk, explore the tags, look at all the beautiful gifs, look at a few peoples blogs and make a mental note to maybe join Tumblr again. I had 2 blogs back in hs, 1 fandom specific blog that got abandoned during my last year of hs and a sports/tv-series one I used a little in the years after hs but then again #life and I didn’t touch it after like 2016.

Come September 2023. I made a new email, signed up to Tumblr again, and requested an AO3 invite. Learning how to use this site again was wild because so much had changed since I last used it. I saw something about getting mistaken for bots so I spent a little time making the blog look nice and like an actual person exists before I bothered to follow anyone or any tags. October rolls around and I finally start using it every day and now I’m here with all of y’all 💗

Sorry for the extremely long story and again sorry for how long it took 😅😅

[haevnlii]

TW: mentions of death

Hello, I'm new to shifting and I'm unfamiliar with death respawning. I guess the term itself is self explained but I have a question. Do you end your life on your own or you die after you shift?

TW from ask applies to this post as well. You have been warned.

Thank you for asking instead of assuming, nonnie. 🤎🤍 Like my last post, anything said isn't directed at you as the person asking.

I'm kind of like- struggling with my very much worsening English fluency so please bear with me in this. It's also 2am again so, please excuse any errors; I'll fix them later on.

Anyways—it is more of having your vessel succumb to a death.

Death respawning isn't using suicide to shift, it is different, and that path is what I meant by "using suicide to respawn". I, and the community itself, will not tolerate it, ever. It's not even considered a method tbh.

I'm aware I said I will not tolerate the idea on my blog, but I should have included I'm only discussing it in cases like this where it's for educational purposes. 😭 dhddhhd

I found that death respawners usually go by one of two things:

Succumbing to any illness or similar which one already suffers from—cancer being the main example here,

or succumbing to a death by other means. Organ failiure/Heart Attacks/Sudden Cardiac Arrest/etc. are the most common methods, with (effects of) poison, (effects of) drowning, covid, and other deaths being much rarer to come across.

Personally, I'm going with a heart attack that leads on to/induces sudden cardiac arrest. 🩰

The latter is usually done with death respawn-specific subliminals, or any subliminal that helps with the method. And (death) respawners may go with painful symptoms, or not, depending.

With death respawning, you either experience your vessel succumbing to its death while you respawn, respawn while it dies, or have it die after your respawn. Or, that's what I've seen, at least-

I'd prefer the first, but, either works for me 🧍‍♀️

Oh and, death respawning isn't necessarily a permanent death of the vessel, per se. It's more common, yes, but someone can respawn through "reversible/temporary" death, then have their vessel end up fine so that their walk-in/new consciousness can take over. This isn't relevant to your question but I felt like bringing this up as well.

I'm not sure whether there is more to death respawn than terminal illness and manifested conditions, but those are all I'm aware of at the moment.

meemaw don't crucify me if this is wrong, ik ur looking at my page 😔😔😔

[navire190413]

walking to the train after work now doing my favourite activity. 歩きスマホ. ah yea. walking while looking at your phone is my only proven method to not run into people when walking thru shibuya scramble. if you and the approaching person both try to dodge each other, then both go the same way, then the same way again. yea you know what im talking about, but if they just avoid YOU, its fine. i know this logic is so fucking stupid and dangerous but hey. 

also something comical about blasting chappell roan into my ears while in this environment to the point i cant hear anything else. definitely a comical vibe? i guess? 

when i get off work, i remove my work shirt so noone mistakes me for the salarywoman i actually have become. ive even stopped going to the bar everyday, so maybe i am a responsible adult now. 

i saw these two girls today and thought this was a smart idea 

okay, im on the train now. 

im tired of checking social media, waiting for my ex to respond to me, and thinking about what to say to my friends’ texts. so ill just type about my day. 

i drank quite a bit last night at home and fell asleep around 2am while rewatching anthony bourdain shows. surprised i managed to wake up this morning at 6:30 without feeling any effects from the alcohol or lack of sleep. unfortunately, people were in and out of the shower so much i didn’t get a chance to shower before coming to work. which is honestly my bad. i know if i don’t shower at night i won’t be able to. 

i’ll be moving out of my share house soon, thankfully. 

i just snagged a seat before another girl could heheh

my ex said he’d go eat fish with me tonight then cancelled. after cancelling yesterday, too. so that was a big trigger for my ocd and made it hard to focus on work. im learning a lot of confusing data processing programs right now and trying to learn them, analyze the data, and have my brain filled to the brim with repeating anxious thoughts…. fuck man. it blows. this isnt the blog post i’ll spill about my ex but he’s the worst and we hate eachother but also are still best friends. a very bad mix for mental illness and just very dumb for a 30 year old to be doing. what do you mean i havent learned yet 😂

atleast me and my friend are getting yakiniku right after work on thursday. i haven’t seen him in a bit since we’re mainly drinking buddies and he had to stop to take pain killers for awhile. anyways, thanks to my ex i found a yakiniku place that allows smoking, and its all you can eat and drink for ¥4000 a person. the meat isnt bad quality, either. but yea, gonna treat my friend to that thursday. 

im still on the train… 

made it to the smoking area. 

i always smoke before getting on my second train home. my boss hates smokers so i don’t smoke before or during work. i should really just quit at this point haha

[theverminpartofpeople]

Soo I was planning to make a survey online (measuring type) and then make a presentation about its flaws and inaccuracy and stuffs but I’m too lazy for that so I’m just gon post it here hehe

Warnihn: unclear explanation might possibly gave you brain damage sorry I wrote this in my note at 2am

• Create a survey simulation and point out its flaws

Humans love to find oppositness and contratory, or parralelity, all of what could be deemed “ironic”(cant find the word), people are so obsess with the idea of that that they no longer believe in coincidence, which is literally what create up of the universe. In creation there are no irony, nor fate. The universe is literally born from science, matter and chain reaction, what created is created, and there is no “why”, therefor there doesnt exist order (trật tự) either. And that is what human are so desperately looking for, in this fucking vast ass cosmo of chaos, they seeks for order so that they can exist, as order is what kept us in check, but the universe has never been such, and will never be, there is no “fate”, “irony”, “symbolism” in sience and matter after all. The world can’t just be reduce to simple black and white and contradiction of each other, no matter how aesthetic it might seems. Like, human have simplify far too many things.

How is this related to the survey? Idk man

They created a bar for measurement of their own personal prejudice or whatever the shit it call. for example, being told “rate my dog on a scale of one to ten”, and that is far too simplified. A survey will never be good with this kind of judgement system, its too orderly and tidy

First of all, you cant use mere number to explain human’s thought. The brain is far too superior for mere number. Number is an invented concept create by human for the counting and measurement of things, but this can only be use on agonizingly surface aspect of the world, such as for counting the amount of apples or some shit, but unluckly(?), human’s opinion isn’t in that “surface” range. Its more complex and nuance i guess.

Secondly, number seven could mean more to this person and less to the others, they might percieve “5” as the average or “8” as the average, according to some people pleaser, when the “average 5” is already been percieve as low nowaday. I mean, would you rate a chick 5 and they would not be mad? Even when it is average, no one want to be, that’s why the new average has always been on the higher side of the scale. Talk about yapping, an actual intellect person would be able to yap all this while being much more concise and understandable, I’m not one tho so. Anyway, being simply told to just “rate” my dog isn’t clear enough. The world and human’s way of perceiving anything doesn’t oftenly get reduced to only one word “rate”, more boardly, the english language is always a lot more simple and less complex than other, but on the whole though language overall (not just english) just doesn’t meet the standard of portraying what human mean and think, what was i talking aboti? Right, you moght have seen that most words that writer, philosopher tend to use are difficult, vauge words that are up to human interpretation, because “simple is the best”, and “simple” is anything but human’s mind. But we don’t like to read a whole lots of word, that’s why people use vague word, even when the best way to describe it is through a thousand of actual words. In this case, human have reduce to such state that they expect the other to understand and fits their scale of thinking with not even a vague words but a fucking shame of english, an actual simple word, like “rate”. You know what im saying? Fuck this make a lot more sense while a lot more shorter in my head, but to put it to words AND make people understand i just have to do it like that sorry. So when you say “rate my dog”, it isn’t specific enough, it could mean rate the dogs fur softness or its beauty or cuteness compare to THEIR dog. The things that the rater use to compare the dog with also matter a lot actually. In fact, it is the most important factor one could have when rating something or setting the standard to something, think, you wouldn’t have care or know about beauty standard if you were the only human on earth werent you? In fact, human society are solely base on comparison of between things, so when you say “rate my dog”, you gotta be more specific.

This is just one very specific part of the whole surveying industry that can’t possibly represent the rest of the part.

Human are a very denpendant on one another, they are extremly easy to change their mind according to whatever the popular choice is alright, no matter how independent and invidualistic they might say they are, just use tiktok and youll know. The way you words your question and the implication or the pressure you are having on the rater may aswell heavily alternate the result you should had have originally, that’s why Oxford’s experiment are so undirect and creative instead of pure survey. For example, if you ask

Actually I can’t think of an example for this one, but you got the idea. Also, most likely the highest result in the question “rate my dog from 1-10” will be 9 to 10, because of how silly, simple the question is, and also everyone loves dog as a whole. But if you replace the question with a more subjective one (what is subjective??), like “rate my outfit” or “rate this dog breed specifically” the most chooser number will likely decreased to 7, or more unlikely 8 or 6. Still, people wouldn’t just chose on the lower part of the scale that easy. Research literally show that ppl would most often chose number seven if asked to rate out of a 10 scale, so perhaps remove that to get a more direct idea of what the person thought, or not, as they can chose that number fr, so the best choice is just not to use survey if you want to do some kind of experiments.

[0thsense]

8/8/2023

It's my birthday tomorrow. Everybody has left the south bay now. Martin, Reggie, Alex are all gone. I guess Steve is still here but he doesn't really hang out with us, or rather me anymore. I don't really know what to type here, as I haven't been thinking too intensely about too many things. The times when I'm doing worse are the times I'm more intensely in thought, so I guess I fail at thinking positively.

Anyways, I'll be 28 American years old tomorrow. My 27th year was better than my 26th year I guess. Definitely still in my bottom 5 years overall but hey its the first upward year in a long time. Maybe since college. I've managed to keep up gym and I've even started running which is slightly surprising. It's good because who knows what may have happened if I wasn't able to keep up gym. I'm planning to run my first 5 miler tomorrow. I have to wake up in the morning because I'll be eating with my family in the evening up in SF, mostly out of a feeling of obligation. I wonder if they know. I'm letting the fact that I'm not being lazy on my birthday feel symbolic.

One thing I've been telling myself is that I'm god's strongest soldier. Obviously that's not actually true, but motivationally it helps. It's one of those things that there's no harm in believing in the moment, and it brings me joy. Speaking of another thing that brings me joy, Lily and I agreed to go climbing sometime soon. She's willing to come down from SF for me, and seems genuinely interested in hanging out with me. I need to keep my mindset that I'm just trying to be there for her, though it seems I overestimated how depressed she was. Well, better safe than sorry.

I visited Yan a couple weeks ago along with Gerald. It was a spur of the moment thing, and the flight was expensive as a result. I honestly felt a little pressured into going. We did a lot of activities involving physical exertion and also hung out with his church buddies a lot. Yan is super into the culture there it seems. His lifestyle as a chad in NC honestly bothered me a little bit. He has more pride and ego than I remember and also some strong ideals about what it means to be a man, which I don't really agree with. I may be making judgments too hastily but I was disappointed at his treatment of Jeremy, a dude in his small group who seemed a little autistic. I wasn't able to express this to him. At the same time I'm glad he's obviously doing well for himself out there. According to society, I probably have no authority to judge someone who's found a lifestyle that works for them.

My next step should almost certainly be to make my sleep schedule really consistent. I'd like to sleep at 1-2am every day. The deadline for working on the game is fast approaching. I have less than 4 months left, and I've told too many people about the new york deadline. Sigh... I certainly have some mental block about coding. When I open the IDE my mood instantly sinks. I had the strange idea of treating coding like working out, doing reps of opening the IDE lmao.

Wow I thought this post would be short because I didn't feel like I had much to write about but here we are. I went to Ralph's wedding last weekend. It made me realize I've made a mistake, choosing the jolly group over Ralph's group. I just respect Ralph's close circle so much more these days than the people in jolly. They are more considerate and more secure, and jolly isn't even dank anymore. At the end of the day jolly has now devolved into a bunch of individuals who are either troubled or successful but unkind people. Obviously this is a bit of a generalization. Maybe I wasn't good enough to join Ralph's group anyways, or maybe the grass is always greener on the other side. I might as well try though, since jolly in the south bay is pretty much dead.

Finally there's the issue of getting more involved with Austin's church. Unfortunately my experiences visiting Yan have turned me off even more from Christianity, but I really haven't given Austin's church a fair chance. The demographics are obviously very different so maybe it'll be a better fit, though so far my instinct tells me it's only a small chance. It'll give me something to do I guess.

[stridingseer]

For the WIP asks: 1. 8. 10. 11. 21 (25-50 words/ 2-3 sentences/however much you want!). 31. 32.

This got long so READ MORE GO BRRRR

How many WIPS do you have right now?

Funny thing is that I have over 30+ ideas on my excel sheet. 14 of them have outlines or have snippets which means I've actually started working on them.

8. What’s the fastest time you’ve finished a fic?

A single night I believe? Specifically it was the one Dieck/Klein fic where I wrote it in a haze where I wanted the fic so badly that I finished it at 2am and then promptly forgot about it until I got kudos on it.

10. Do you outline a fic before you write it?

Yes. They are very long and also include sections of a fic that I want to toss in. For larger AUs they might have multiple different notes/outlines focusing on different things because I am nothing if not overambitious.

11. How close has your WIP stayed to its outline/original vision?

For my current WIPs (Vampire AU and Unhinged Leon for RE), one of them is still following the outline, sorta. Vampire Leon, it turns out is really good at trying to get Krauser to kill him. MEANWHILE Unhinged Leon is attempting to get laid at 700 words in which was not planned and the cat is out of the bag SO that's fun. (Leon is the second Klein but I'm giving Klein way too much credit in the modern AU. He's already trying to fuck Dieck in one of my snips and again it is too late to try and shove the cat back in the bag)

21. Share [x] words from your WIP!

From the vampire AU :3

The figure gets up slowly, stumbling a few steps. And then he understands what it is. 

“Major-” the ghost greets. And he throws his knife at it- Fuck - only to graze it’s side.  Jack blinks and that thing is gone. Fucker.

31. Share a cursed fact you’ve learned while writing your WIP.

So vampires, vampire are funny things and this fact is absolutely batshit since it fits NOWHERE in the fic but apparently you gotta give permission for a vampire to enter the house/room. Which means, yes, you can stay no and leave them outside. I desparately want to add it into some part of this fic as a gag but I don't know where or how.

32. What’s the funniest/strangest way that inspiration has struck you when writing fic?

Okay okay I don't think I've told YOU this specifically but uh, there is a mod where Leon gets to dress up as Krauser w/ Krauser's outfit in RE4R. As seen here:

And this is why I have MULTIPLE AUs where Leon either 1) betrays his government or 2) ends up following Krauser. The mod does something to my brain and there is not a single coherent thought. This is why unhinged Leon is getting laid 700 words in, because I am busy staring at THIS fit than working on other stuff.

[ch0kehold-ch3rry-pyth0n]

You think that Idia would come into my room willingly? You're funny.

I don't know what you mean by "smash it," but if I break open the microwave, Either Comet or Heaven will have a stern talking to with me. And I don't want that.

I sure would consider making this shithead a hot pocket too if it would move its head out of my microwave.

Do you have any idea how unnerving it is to walk into a kitchen at 2AM for a late night snack, only to see a semi transparent disembodied ghost head in your microwave? This shits wack.

"Being a Psychic Medium must be super cool! You can talk to ghosts and make friends with the undead!!!!"

There's a ghost in my fucking microwave.

I just wanted a hot pocket.

Life is pain.

[mediocre-daydreams]

(ch. 4) wild heart // bucky barnes

i keep my visions to myself

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

summary: in order to protect you, bucky has set one rule for himself: avoid you. he finds himself breaking that rule 30 minutes later. (he does more than break it; he tells it to go fuck itself and now bucky's in too deep.)

warnings: swearing, self-deprecating bucky, emotionally immature bucky

w/c: 3.2k

＊✿❀　❀✿＊

oh, thunder only happens when it's raining players only love you when they're playing say, women, they will come and they will go when the rain washes you clean, you'll know

bucky had already settled comfortably (or as comfortably as possible given that he was still sleeping on the floor) when he was rudely interrupted by the sound of sniffles. no, not just sniffles—it was more like soft whimpers, the kicking of sheets, and the occasional gasp for air. is this what it’s like for everyone when i have nightmares? except it’s probably worse since i usually scream and thrash.

it was you, he realized. steve didn’t usually have audible nightmares—he tensed and froze. so it had to be his other wall mate, which unfortunately happened to be someone he didn’t know and had no intention of getting to know.

as much as he tried to block them out and wish for them to stop, your quiet cries didn’t cease. eventually, the guilt of it all got to him. he knew nobody else would be able to hear anything, since he was only able to because of your shared wall and his super-soldier hearing. he reluctantly stood, dog tags clinking together as he rubbed the drowsiness from his eyes, and fumbled over to your door. bucky rose his fist to knock but realized that was probably stupid, since you were asleep, after all. he hesitantly cracked the door open, not wanting to startle you and have a menacing shadowy figure be the first thing you wake up to after having a nightmare. you showed no indication of having been affected by the small creak, so bucky opened the door fully until the back hit one of your unpacked boxes. he winced at the soft thud, but thankfully it seemed like you were a deep sleeper, as that didn’t wake you either.

bucky revoked his previous statement. he’d crouched near the side of your bed and gently called your name, hoping to gradually rouse you awake. oh, she’s a deep sleeper alright.

he squeezed his eyes shut, hating that he’d been the one in the situation. my whole plan to not to affiliate with her is getting off to a really bad start. great job, bucky. nothing says “not friends with the winter soldier so no need to gossip about me” more than being caught in the newbie’s bedroom at 2AM.

“uh, hey. wake up,” he hushed, unsure of himself. he wasn’t usually on this end of things. “hey, open your eyes, or something. um, i command you to come to consciousness.” he felt stupid. (to be fair, he did sound pretty stupid.)

he tentatively outstretched his flesh hand to brush his fingers over your hand, which was gripping the sheets like they were the only thing grounding you in reality. well, that was kind of true.

“i don’t know- wake up!” he hissed, patting your hand a bit impatiently until your eyes fluttered open. oh, so she doesn’t have those dramatic nightmare awakenings like i do, where you totally embarrass yourself and/or attack the well-meaning person who comes to wake you up. lucky.

your eyebrows were furrowed as you tried to take in the fuzzy shapes in front of you. oh shit, that’s not a fuzzy shape. that’s a fucking silhouette. i knew this was a bad fucking idea—wow, it’s my first day and i’m surrounded by the best security system ever and i’m gonna die. go me.

“holy-” you scrambled up, crawling backward to put as much distance between yourself and the figure as possible. your heart, which had already been racing from the intensity of your dream, was now threatening to burst out of your chest. it was like you could hear its pounding in your ears.

“hey, it’s just me!” bucky whispered, holding his hands up reassuringly. he kept them hovering as he stood up to full height. “sorry, i heard you, um, crying or something from my room. we share a wall,” he explained, motioning to it.

“oh,” you choked. “sorry, that’s so embarrassing.” you rubbed your eyes, and bucky couldn’t tell if it was because you were groggy or if you were crying.

“no, don’t be embarrassed,” he came around to your side of the bed slowly, like he was approaching a wounded animal. “can i sit next to you?”

you nodded, scooting over and clutching your blanket up and pulling it up to your chest. you were sitting criss-crossed on the corner of the bed, your back perpendicular to the headboard. the mattress sunk under bucky’s weight. you smiled a bit.

“sorry, i’m heavy,” he laughed, running a hand through his hair. “i’m not really good at comforting people,” he confessed. “i’m usually the one having nightmares.” he turned to look at you. your face was a little puffier than when he’d last seen you, and your hair a little more matted at the back of your head. you wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“i don’t know what you were dreaming about but… i know that having nightmares in a place like this can be pretty intimidating. it was like that for me, at least. everyone seemed so strong and put together, and i had just gotten back from wakanda. i felt broken and alone and people would come into my room every night and wake me up when i was screaming. i’m not very nice when i wake up, unlike you. i would get all aggressive at them,” he chuckled.

“but you’ll come to realize that all of us have those kinds of dreams. some of us have them less frequently and some people have them quietly. but, if it’s worth anything, i’m glad we share a wall. so that i could’ve heard you and come check on you. you shouldn’t… you shouldn’t be crying on your first day. you deserve something good; a fresh start.”

you tilted your head up at him, and bucky could finally catch sight of your red-rimmed eyes. “thanks,” you sniffed. “i don’t usually live with other people, so i didn’t know that i made noise when i slept, actually.” you fiddled with your fingers as your eyes darted across his face as if looking for some sort of reassurance.

“thanks for checking on me. i’ve never- nobody’s ever- i appreciate it.” bucky’s heart splintered at the implication behind your words. in the 40s, he’d had steve. in wakanda, he had shuri. here, he had all his friends. but the times when he was loneliest? when nobody was there to wake him up, and it was like he was living a constant nightmare? that was when he’d been in captivity in hydra. he thought of you, waking up from a nightmare alone in a dark room in some dingy new york apartment, and he had to clench a fist at the unfairness of it all.

“it’s not a problem, doll.” the nickname slipped out before he could even think about it. shit. way to go, again! nothing says “no affiliation with the deadliest assassin of the century” more than being alone in her bedroom in the middle of the night and being all sweet on her. good one.

“do you want to talk about it?” he asked gently. his eyes were soft as he carefully pressed his flesh hand on top of one of yours, which was resting on your knee. you shivered at his touch, and bucky made a move to pull away, but instead, you flipped your hand around and grabbed onto a few of his fingers. your other hand came down to find his metal hand, and even though this wasn’t really about him, bucky melted a bit at your willingness to touch his prosthetic.

＊✿❀　❀✿＊

now here i go again, i see the crystal visions i keep my visions to myself it's only me who wants to wrap around your dreams and have you any dreams you'd like to sell? dreams of loneliness

“honestly? not really,” you sighed. “i don’t really want to think about it.” bucky had been there before too. he’d repressed all memories of his time as the winter soldier until the blank gaps there were all he could think about, and they had overtaken his brain. he knew that you, and everyone in general, would have to confront the things which haunted you at some point. but tonight he didn’t push it. he wasn’t ever going to push you into something you weren’t comfortable with, especially not when you were so vulnerable.

bucky lifted your intertwined hands between the two of your bodies, prompting your chin to move upwards and catch his gaze again. “want a glass of water? uh, hydrate or diedrate. that’s what the spider-kid taught me.”

you giggled, pulling away from him. “sure. can you show me where the kitchen is?” he hadn’t expected you to tag along with him. he kind of hoped you wouldn’t. sneaking around with him at night was definitely and for sure not good for your image. well, fuck that. she needs somebody right now, so… i’ll start enforcing the rule tomorrow. well, technically it is tomorrow; at sunrise, then.

he smiled at you as you led him through a maze of cardboard boxes. in the cover of darkness, it felt easier to talk to you than during the few awkward interactions that he’d fucked up. but it was probably a bad thing that he liked you being with you your general presence because that’d only make things a lot more difficult for him. and you, though you weren’t even aware of the rule he’d set.

he poured you a glass of water, pointing out the water filter that tony loved to brag about. “it’s better than brita,” he liked to claim.

the water was downed instantly. you immediately refilled your glass.

“want some tea, or something? or i can make you a snack too. not to brag, but i’m kind of a pro at gourmet late-night cereal. i’m an incredible chef.”

you looked up at him with big bug eyes. fuck, you were so sweet-looking. he’d do anything for you probably be willing to help you with things because it was the gentlemanly thing to do and his ma would have whacked him upside the head if he didn’t.

you hesitated as the possibilities of things that could go wrong ran through your mind. you could accidentally drop the kettle and the boiling water could give bucky third-degree burns on his feet. or the mug could explode from the shock in heat increase, or you could be getting a bowl for the cereal and then drop it and get porcelain all over the floor and maybe one of you would step on the shards and get cut. and if you didn’t step on the shards, maybe you would get cut when trying to pick them up. actually, scratch that; bucky had a metal hand. but you could wake people up.

cereal seemed to have the lowest probability of giving either one of you seriously debilitating injuries. and you supposed you were a bit peckish.

“i haven’t had a midnight snack in forever,” you divulged, reaching for a box of honey nut cheerios on a top shelf. your toes slipped and you fell to the flats of your feet with a quiet hmph. bucky bit back a smile at your struggle.

“don’t laugh at me, asshole,” you grouched, sliding out of the way and gesturing for him to get the box instead. “i probably shouldn’t call you an asshole, huh? since you woke me up and got me cereal and everything.”

bucky handed you the box, amused. “you barely know me. i couldn’t be the biggest asshole ever and you’d never know about it.” he shook his head as he looked down at you, tutting. “classic rookie mistake. always underestimating your opponent.”

“first of all, you’re not my opponent,” you said, bustling around the kitchen for a spoon as bucky dug for a bowl. he settled on a stupid one patterned with dancing cats, hoping it’d lighten your mood. “and second of all, i don’t think i’m underestimating you. i’d say that’s me giving you the benefit of the doubt; which by the way, i don’t think i need to do.” you pulled out a spoon triumphantly, having dug through quite a few drawers.

“sure, i’ve only known you for like, 24 hours. and sure, every single one of our interactions up until now have been really weird, but i think i’m going to like you a lot, bucky. i don’t know, you just seem… good. wholesome. kind.”

bucky resisted the urge to point and laugh. him? good? wholesome? what was he, the easter bunny? he didn’t want to crush your spirits though, so he opted for holding the bowl out to you with both hands as if presenting you an award.

“your bowl,” he announced.

a few infectious laughs bubbled out of you as you admired the watercolored kittens and carefully poured your cereal. bucky decided he liked the sound of your laugh. as much as it was a bittersweet melody, it was one he knew well. you’d met less than a day ago and this was your first real conversation, but there was something about you that he’d never seen in anybody else. maybe it was because he saw himself in you.

grabbing his own bowl, he scooped a couple of handful of cheerios for himself. you slurped happily at your own.

“what kind of milk?” he asked absentmindedly, wandering over the common area couches where you’d just had game night. you trailed behind him.

“soymilk. it’s objectively the best milk.”

“huh. you struck me for a 1% kind of gal.”

you gasped in mock horror. “cow milk? never! i’m lactose intolerant. but even if i wasn’t i want nothing to do with a bodily fluid that comes out of a commercially kept livestock’s udder. it’s a fucking udder.”

he snorted, tossing back a few more cheerios. “you’ve got a point,” he mumbled, his mouth full of cheerios. “i love cheerios.”

“i can tell,” you grinned, taking a seat next to him. the couch had sunk so much under his weight that the cushions were literally slanted around him, and you slipped right down the slope until you were touching thighs. 

“you seem very enthusiastic about them.” you giggled, pointing to his face. “must be why there are crumbs all over your mouth.”

bucky blushed, hand coming up to cover the bottom of his face as he chewed as quickly as he could. you laughed, pushing his hand away so you could brush off the crumbs yourself. “you’re cute, bucky.”

“d-don’t say things like that, doll. you’re going to send an old man into cardiac arrest,” he stammered, caught off guard by the way you seemed to perceive him. kind. cute. an asshole. 

“well, why not? it’s true. plus, you call me doll. so unless you want to send a rookie 6 feet under before she makes it to sunrise, you better quit it too.”

he sighed, placing his half-eaten bowl on the ground. you gulped down the rest of your cereal and followed suit.

“can’t help it, doll,” he teased. “ it’s just second nature. all the pretty girls in the 40s got their little names, but doll is my favorite. and so far, you’re the only person i like around here.”

“ha! so you think i’m preeeetty,” you beamed, throwing one of your legs into the air and throwing yourself into bucky’s side dramatically. “you. think. i’m. pretty.” you emphasized each word with a poke to his arm. “what a charmer, you are. if your intention was to distract me from my nightmare, it’s worked very well, just so you know.”

“it’s true,” he threw your words back at you. “i’m glad i was able to help, even if it was just a little.” he relished in the feeling of your head against his bicep. it had been a while since he’d touched another person, really touched. apart from the occasional handshake, brushing of arms as he’d squeezed by someone, or the accidental foot touch, this was the first time since arriving at the compound since he’d been so physically and emotionally close to somebody. it was the first time since leaving wakanda that he’d been so close like this to a girl.

“mhm,” you hummed, rolling your head around until it was your crown and not your side against his arm, to stare at the ceiling. “it helped a lot, actually. i haven’t… i haven’t been like this with someone in years.” you whispered, your voice shrinking back to the shy volume it’d been back in your bedroom.

“oh?”

“yeah. i don’t really have anyone. i chose not to, ‘cuz it was better off for everyone that way.” you shot up suddenly, alarmed. “wait, you know about me, right? you know about… everything?” you waved your hands around nondescriptively.

“if by everything, you mean this supposed bad luck stuff, then yeah. and for the record, i don’t really give a shit. no offense. i’ve had my fair share of bad luck, doll. and so far, all you’ve done is make my night a hell of a lot better.” he threw his arms behind his head and settled into the cushions a bit more comfortably. you watched him from where you sat, a few inches away, as he stared at the ceiling contemplatively.

“i don’t care for whatever people told you about yourself before. there’s always gonna be someone who spouts bullshit, and it’s up to you whether or not you believe it. but for what it’s worth, i chose to stop believing it. and once i did, i realized that none of the things they were saying about me were true. i had just internalized them to the point where i started reflecting them.”

you shimmied closer, pursing your lips. “you’re smart. i kind of hate that for you.”

“well, i’m 106. i’ve got some grandfatherly wisdom in this old brain.” he rapped his knuckles on the side of his head as you nestled yourself back into the side of his body where you were before.

“bucky?” you whispered. he hummed and looked at you affirmatively. “it’s true, isn’t it?”

bucky’s blood ran cold. he was wrong. he should’ve never let it get this far. shit, this was why he set the rule in the first place-

“is it true that you’re 106? you’re not joking about the whole old man thing, are you?”

it was like someone slapped the flextape from that annoying commercial that always played before one of bucky’s youtube videos on protein shake recipes over bucky’s punctured lung. “no, i’m not lying. i heard you and wanda talking about me outside the gym,” he murmured. you smiled sheepishly.

“most people… know what i’ve done. what happened to me. and you should probably know at some point—actually, you should definitely know,” he sighed. “but not tonight. it- it’s a lot, and you’ve already had quite the night. so, you can ask me whenever. but maybe we’ll take it easy for now?”

bucky gently ran his hand over your jaw, and you looked at him with the most terrifyingly adoring gaze he’d ever seen. you shouldn’t be looking at him that way.

“thanks, bucky,” you smiled. “thanks for looking out for me. i was right. you are a good guy.”

＊✿❀　❀✿＊

series masterlist | main masterlist

taglist: (comment to be added!)

@im-a-slut-for-fluff

[traumatised-confused-individual]

MOVIE NIGHT

Eddie munson × reader

I got this prompt idea from @just-plenty-of-prompts and i thought it would be the cutest fic for eddie munson x reader.

Prompt: i dont care of its 2am. I'm lonely. Come watch a movie .

______________________________________

Hawkins gets boring at times. It's the same faces you see everyday, the same interactions, the same places to eat and the same old dramas. These days the talk of the town is the romance igniting between robin Buckley and nancy wheeler. Most of us saw it coming. Not the parents. Steve the hair harrington was betting on it for a week but why wouldn't he be? He's robins bestfriend. Totally platonic.

I'm in the hellfire club which by the way all of the town thinks is a demonic cult. So we're basically the freaks of the town. By we I mean me and Eddie munson plus the rest of the gang.

"Hey freak!" I roll my eyes and flip jason off. I don't get how chrissy puts up with his existence everyday.

Great another unbearable day at school and going home really isn't fun either. Eight hours of listening to boring lectures and watching jason practically piss everywhere to mark his territory.

The movie store. That sounds like a good idea. They have everything. Eddie didn't attend school today. He's so getting his ass kicked by me. He cannot just ditch me at school.

"Hey guys!" I say as I ring the bell "Anyone available?"

I look around for movies. The store seems empty. Robin and nance are probably making out in the back room. It won't be much of a surprise.

"Oh hey y/n" Robin stumbles over to me.

"Hey. I was just looking for movies."

"Cool. I was just..erm..well I.. did you know that monkeys ride on their mother's back?" She blabbers.

"No I didn't." I smile at her.

"Now you do" she chuckles nervously.

"Well I'll just get this."

Working part time is important. I live alone. No parents. No siblings. I have to provide for myself. The school helps out financially for my school stuff but that won't get me too college. The mall is annoying. Working there is even more annoying. Boss makes me stay extra hours to cover other shifts that don't belong to me. Eddie didn't show up to work either. I had to cover for his shift. He owes me big time.

"Im taking off now." I shout.

"Alright. See you tommorow. Make sure munson shows up too."

"Will do."

I lay in bed. Its boring here. I have no friends. Its hard to make them honestly plus everyone is intimidating except for mike and his group they're cute kids and their nerds.

"Pick up." I call him again.

"Stop. Calling. Me." He hangs up. How dare he hang up on me.

I call him again and again.

"It's 2 in the morning." He groans

"Oh is it?" Wanna watch a movie?"

He sighs, "It's 2 am y/n. No i don't."

"I don't care if its 2 am. I'm lonely. Come watch a movie."

"Ugh fine. Please await my arrival."

"Awaiting. Get your ass here quickly. You owe me."

I hang up. I move to the kitchen to make some snacks. I'm out of everything. Eddie must've fed them to the kids he brings over. Not in a creepy way. Sometimes its as if him and Steve have opened a babysitting club. A knock on the door. He better have gotten snacks.

"Please tell me you got snacks."

"I missed you too." He rolls his eyes and then holds up a bag. I hug him.

"Yes you're a life saver."

"So what are we watching. Ms. Lonely"

I stick my tongue out at him.

"Top gun or The karate kid."

"Top gun. It has better music."

"Done. You better show your ass at work and school tommorow."

"Yes ma'am. Now come on."

______________________________________

Everyday i spend a minute mourning him. He better show up in s5. Anyways this was a very spontaneous one. Hope you like it. Requests are open by the way so feel free <3

[tommyspeakycap]

Hi love, I adore your writing so much! And as you just asked for some ideas/concepts here’s mine for Jack Grealish from prompts list 2: fluff #11 where he’s asking her (she’s his best friend) to go for a walk cause there’s so much going on in his life and he just needs to talk. fluff #36, angst #31 and a happy ending please? Basically a Best friends to lovers thing as I’m a sap for that…thank you!! xx

Fluff #11; “I know it’s 2 in the morning but do you want to…”

Fluff #36; “because I fell for you, isn’t it obvious?”

hope I did this justice for you!

Fell for you

“Jesus god,” you grumbled with hands aimlessly palming across the mattress for the blaring sound of your phone from its place charging somewhere on the bed. Your next move is an elongated “Ahhhhh,” sound, fatigue still holding tightly onto your body in a way that seals your eyes shut even as you try to shut off the sound your phone was deafening your with. In a wakened state, you might’ve noticed that it was your ringtone that had interrupted your sleep. However as tired as you were you ruled it as your alarm right away and moved yourself into seated position with the duvet still wrapped tight around you and your eyes still shut.

You were suspended in that space between being asleep and being awake, still sitting up when the offensive sound came screaming through your phone once again.

This time, your eyes snapped open in fright and the fatigue-blurred letters of Jack Grealish’s name popped up across the top of your screen.

“How is it morning already?” You protest down the line, a heavy sigh passing your lips to follow. Jack’s chuckle can be heard through the line, “It’s not.” He replies simply, prompting you to pull your phone away from your ear to hold out in front if your face.

02:17am

“Then why on earth am I up?” You mumble, a question more posed to yourself than the man on the other end. “Wait, why are you up? And why are you calling so early?”

“I’m outside your door.”

“You’re what?!” You throw back your duvet and swing your legs over the side of the bed. You’ve hung up the phone already by the time you reach the front door at a tired shuffle. His hair is tousled when you see him, like he’s been running his hands through it over and over, you imagine that he has. He does that when he’s stressed. You have to squint against the street lights and his car headlights outside, still on as it sits running on the street. “Can we go somewhere?” He asks, his voice as desperate as his eyes look when he speaks, begging you to agree. Not that he would need to beg. You’d do anything for that man. Even if it did mean dragging yourself from your bed at 2 in the morning.

“Course.”

No question, no pressure. He loves that from you. He knows you’ll ask him later and when the time is right you’ll force him to tell you of course. Now is not that time yet and you’re nowhere near awake enough to do so much anyway. “Let me just grab my-“

“I have a hoodie in the car and your shoes in my boot.” He cuts in, tugging your arm gently out the door of your house. He knows you better than any other person in this world, so he knows full and well that there’s not much you are going to do in the way of protesting when you’re so soon out of sleep. He’d often teased with layers of worry deeper beneath that he genuinely worried for you living on your own. You open the door to people far too easily, and he will not fail to bring that up sometime tomorrow. For now, he steps into your doorway where you had stood moments before, grabs your keys from the cabinet and pulls the door closed behind him with a click of the latch locking behind him.

The cold paving stones beneath your feet make you shine in protest, shifting your weight between each one to ease the chill. In was in that cold that you look down and make the realisation, or rather come to remember the fact that you don’t have any pyjama bottoms on. “Jack!” You yelp, “I’m not wearing trousers!” You suddenly feel very exposed and rightly so, standing outside your home suddenly very awake in only a long claret and blue shirt that only extended down to the middle of your thighs. “Eh?” He whips around, “You what?”

It’s only now he really takes you in with rosy cheeks from embarrassment, your hair messed up from your sleep. His frantic eyes soften and his heart stops thundering in his chest finally. The sight of you there calms him. You’re there. Right there. His (y/n) is right there in front of him.

“What’s the rush, Jack? Is everything okay?”

Your gentle words and tired eyes bring him back to the ground, the flurry of his racing thoughts only now finally calmed. He often acts on impulse, but you are always able to slow his brain down a few paces. His sits heavily, "I know it's two am but...do you think we could go somewhere. My heads fuckin'... I don't even know." He dips back down to run that hand through his hair once again. His words stoke a bit of a worry in you, head tilted to the side in question. Jack doesn't tend to be the kind who gets himself panicked and all wound up like he has right now. That's more your half of the friendship. You did the worrying, he did the easygoing.

"It's okay, Jack. Of course. Come on then, let's go." You nod your head and he goes around the back of the car to get the shoes and socks he promised you. You very nearly choked up a lung when he presented you with a brand new Balenciaga box. "What the fuck, Jack?" You all but wheeze out, head whipping towards him climbing into the passenger seat.

"Got you a present 'cause I'm leaving soon." He shrugs with a jaw-dropping ease. You list open the lid and inside sit a pair of sliders that cost nearly £400. You physically gawp. "Oh my god."

"What?" Jack asks, drawing out of his parking spot on the street, "Heard you telling your mum you needed new sliders for the summer, do you not like 'em?"

His nerves would be clear in his voice if you hadn't been in such a ferocious level of shock. You're glad you weren't eating anything because it surely would have choked you to death. Of course you had seen Jack wearing brands like Balenciaga, Gucci, Versace and the likes, but you had never owned such an expensive piece of clothing. "I mean of course I love them, J but I meant from Primark or bloody amazon, you shouldn't have spent al that money on me." You protested, but Jack really pays it no mind. In fact, the suggestion that you don't deserve everything luxurious that this world has to offer offends him more than it does anything else. You should know that you deserve everything good that this world can give and he has the means to actually give that to you. He'd count himself an absolute fool not to.

"Gonna pretend you didn't say that." He mutters, eyes kept carefully on the empty road ahead of his car. Your eyebrows are furrowed, a part of you brain still very much trying to a) wake up and b) process the expensive of the gift he handed to you so casually. "Not arguing about it either." His voice cuts you off the second you open your mouth to speak, shutting down your protest before it even leaves you.

As the fatigue of your sleep wears off, your mind continues to be just as boggled as it had been the moment his name popped up on your screen at 2am, if not more boggled now.

"You're acting so weird, Jack. What the hell is going on with you today?" Your insistence is careful with your pressure. It's enough to try to open him up but not enough to make it sound like a confrontation. Neither you nor Jack like confrontation especially with each other. The words make him chew on his lip as he careens the large white range rover through a turn that leads up a gravel road that crunches beneath his tires. The stops when he's met with a with a large gate that prevents cars but a little slot for people to walk through. Jack leaves his door open when he leaves the car with a curtly mumbled "Stay here" as he does. He pushes open the gate with ease before he gets back in the car and follows the path up the hill further.

He stop abruptly in a very small gravel car park without any parking lines to abide and steps out, slamming his door behind him like he absolutely always does; you swear that man couldn't be quiet if his life depended on it. Which was another reason why you were so surprised by his silence. You clamber out after him with that same fear of falling flat on your face that always fills your mind each and every time you leave his car. But Jack is where he has been every time you step out the Range Rover since the first day he got it; standing by your door to hold your hand so you can jump out without a trip onto the gravel beneath. He shuts the door behind you and hands you a spare pair of his loose fitting track pants.

On an average day you might've teased the reason he hasn't worn them was because they wouldn't have squeezed the life out his legs. Today wasn't one of those days, so you slip them on without a word. Followed up by his way too big for you socks and the brand new black slides. Even wide awake, this confuses you to no end. Jack was never quiet and never elusive. He was boisterous, loud, open and confident.

The second you turn around, you realise why he brought you here.

The view of the stars, the sky completely clear. There wasn't a street lamp in sight. The moon provided the kind of spotlight hue that you kind of thought only existed in the enhancement of Hollywood movies. "Woah," you breathe, words stolen by its beauty.

"Yeah," Jack laughs, "Now you know how I feel every time I look at you."

You head turns to him so fast it sends your head spinning a little, or maybe that's just the shock of his words. You couldn't tell.

"What?"

He shrugs his shoulders, scuffing his feet along the gravel to meet up with where you stand. But he freezes before he gets the chance.

"Why are you wearing that?" He asks, a very sudden cold change in his tone that actually makes your body feel colder. "Wearing what? This?" You gesture to the claret and blue shirt you had thrown on in a haste to get to him standing at your front door a short while ago. You turn to see his unhappy scowl and the firm discontented cross of his strong arms. "Yeah that," he grumbles, "And where'd you even get it." He adds with a flare of his nostrils. He looks adorable angry like this, like he's trying so hard to look angry when his emotions lie truly elsewhere.

You look down at the shirt with furrowed brows, before you shift your shoulder forward, crane your neck and pull the material around to view the back as best you could. "What's wrong with it?" You ask finally, attempts to defy the natural state of your body failing to allow you to see your back.

"It's Ginny's." Jack states as if its the most obvious thing in the world. You just look at him bewildered. "And?"

He huffs as he takes a few more heavy steps up to you, looking like he had a lot of things to say without any way of being able to get them to coordinate from his brain to his lips. "Why do you have Ginny's shirt though?"

You breathe a little bit of laughter at him, shaking your head softly. "it was just a joke. I saw him after a match waiting for you so I jumped out at him and pretended to be a fan for a video and he signed it and gave to me as a joke. I just threw it on when you showed up at my door in the middle of the night. Wasn't exactly a fashion statement."

Jack still grunts in dissatisfaction at your answer, refusing to meet your eyes. "You have plenty of mine to wear though, don't need his." His argues in a disgruntled grumble. You raise and drop your arms down by your side with a sigh. He was really testing your patience now. "Hm, last time I checked you couldn't give me yours anymore because your ex didn't like it." You protest with a wag of your finger, making him turn his head downwards with something like a shudder running through him at the mention of her name. "Yeah well there's a reason she's my ex innit." He mutters under his breath.

"What the hell is the problem with you today Jack?" You exclaim, his eyes jolting to you in surprise. You don't often snap.

"First you show up at my door in the middle of the night and drag me out of my house and then you won't actually speak to me and now you're picking a fight about John M fucking Ginn?" You snap, the anger and confusion he had stirred up showing in your emphatic hand gestures that only come out when you're telling him a passionate story or going off your head at him. "He's your best mate, why would that even bother you?!"

"I'm sorry, I-"

"I'm not done, Jack!" You yell, holding out a hand. "You haven't even spoken to me all week. I found out you made the England call up on fucking twitter Jack, twitter! And your mum told me about you dumping your girl and I can't even get through to you and now you're buying me gifts and bringing me here? I don't know if I'm coming or going here Jack, you have to give me something. We're meant to be friends." You voice breaks on the last syllable and a lump forms in Jack's throat that he can't just swallow away. Any pain, any hurt and any slight sadness of emotion that appears in you shatters his heart. He thought that was a normal reaction until two weeks ago when he realised it only happens to him when its your upset he witnesses.

"I'm sorry." He says, his voice thick and wavering with the same level of emotion. "I really, really am." He stands right in front of you now, so close you're basically chest to chest, faces merely inches apart.

"And I'm scared." He admits, sending a pang through your already aching heart. "Scared because I'm leaving and I can't take you with me." His words tickle your lips as they leave his, clouds of air puffing above the two of you as his hot breath meets the cold night air. "You've done it before, J. It'll be fine." You soothe, hands gently raising to reach up and brush the hair out of his face. His let's forth a content sigh of relief at the feeling of your touch. "That was before though." He confesses with a slight shrug. He watches that furrow sow itself back into your brows.

"Before what?"

"Dance with me?" He suggests, his arms finding their way around you with ease, much less fumbley than you remember from your high school prom. Your head tilts in that adorable confused way that makes a grin form on his cold lips.

"Why?" You query, eyes slightly narrowed in suspicion. He laughs softly. "Because the music is slow and the sky is gorgeous and because I love you."

Before you get the chance to recognise, process or even understand what he said, he's swaying you around the gravel under the stars.

"Because you what?" You squeak, your eyes desperately searching his as you look for any reason this might be some kind of a joke or one of pranks that makes you want to throttle him. He just smiles at you with those crinkled eyes and the love shining right there in his eyes for you to see. Your stomach flutters like the teenager you were when you fell in love with him. His lips dip down to capture yours in the best kiss that your being has ever felt, his hands ringing your hair, stroking down over your cheeks with those warm hands of his.

"Because I've fell for you, isn't it obvious?"

[acourtcfmuses]

NAME: Alana

PRONOUNS: She/Her  

MUSES: A few??? Okay, so, so many. But my current hyperfixation is my Wednesday muses.

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION: I'm easy breezy, either tumblr IM's or discord. I do forget to reply sometimes though. I don't mean too, but its like I plan a response in my head and forget that I didn't actually send it.

EXPERIENCE: 15-17 years (ewww)

BEST EXPERIENCE: I tend to have the memory of a goldfish, so it's hard to think of any. I remember my bad experiences in life better than the best experiences; but I would have to say the friends and family by choice I have met and made along the way.

PLATFORMS YOUV’E USE: Uhm, more than a couple actually - Hexrpg, various forum based rp's, discord, kik, tumblr, over text with a friend in high school, over email, wire, msn - tumblr's been the longest running one though.

RP PET PEEVS & DEAL BREAKERS: God modding is definitely a big one. Also and I might be showing my age a bit with the terminology but Mary-Sue's. I think my biggest pet peeve though is how female muses get overlooked a lot of the time in favour of male muses, like I don't care if your muses are only romantically interested in male muses, we can still do platonic/family/enemy stuff with my girlies.

PLOTS OR MEMES: Admittedly, I'm not the best at plotting. I'm good at adding onto plots if my partner has a base idea but I blank when I try to come up with plots myself honestly. I love meme's though, even if I'm 500 years behind on meme's, I love them so much.

FLUFF/ANGST/SMUT: I love fluffy or domestic/slice of life threads. Angst I can enjoy, but in small doses because I start to empathetically feel what my muses are feeling. Smut, I need to be close to and

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: I'm down for all lengths to be honest, the only thing I can't really do is one liners for more than a couple of opening posts. I always end up making it longer. I try to match my partner as a minimum though. Longer threads do take me a while though.

BEST TIME TO WRITE: Irritatingly, at night. Which sucks because I need to get up early for work and my brain is like 'I'm on a roll - let me write', next thing I know it's 1-2am and I'm up at between 5.30-6.30am on weekdays.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES ?: Honestly? I'm not sure. I'm sure there is certain traits and qualities I share with some muses (I do have plenty muses after all), but not really sure what traits or which ones.

TAGGED BY STOLEN FROM: @shatterxdsouls

TAGGING: Anyone who would like too!