#its 12:30 basically rn

[loop-loremaster]

just hit 2023 as i got a 23 kill victory royale game. i've got a feelin 2023 is gonna be better than expected 😎

[dangerousartisanwerewolf]

To all the Americans on tumblr rn...

I am not American, nor am I old enough to vote yet as I missed being the legal voting age for my province by only about a week- curse my extremely late birthday.

(which weirdly enough has also had such an incredibly tight election that they are still counting the votes right now even though it happened 2 weeks ago because the two parties are basically tied. }

but I am also very worried for you guys way down south. Hopefully America will put the right person into power this time and everything ends up being ok for you all. Not to be too cliché but I am sending thoughts and prayers and I hope you guys all stay safe down there. I honestly can't even imagine how you guys fell- I don't even live there and I've been feeling increasingly nauseous as the hours go by and I have had to offline for the most of the day.

Remember:

To take care of yourselves. Just in general, in whatever way you see fit

You absolutely do not have to live stream the election polling/results thing on TV, doom scroll election content the whole day long, watch the news, or consume any other election related content. As horrible as it feels to say this; the results will be the same regardless of whether or not you are watching it. Sometimes it is just better for you and your mental health to just log off of sm/screens for the night

If it all does feel like its getting too much for you, please log off/take a sm/screentime break

Most importantly, if you haven't already, please vote!!!! I am not American and am barley old enough to be considered a legal voter (Missed my own countries election *tears*) so I can't really help in terms of providing resources but I am sure there are all sorts that can help you I'm sure. I know that its getting late at night; some polls have closed already but not as many as you would think. I found out that most are actually open way later than I thought. As it turns out, some are even open til 1! You learn something new every day I guess!

Just Please, Please, Please go out and cast your ballot and make your voice known, with how close this is quite literally every voice matters!!! GO VOTE!!!

Poll closing times in case you need it (I only included ones that close 8pm and upwards because it is 7:30 at the time of writing this)

8 p.m. ET

Alabama

Connecticut

Delaware

District of Columbia

Florida (Polls in Eastern time zone close at 7 p.m. ET; part of Panhandle are in Central time zone)

Illinois

Maine

Maryland

Massachusetts

Mississippi

Missouri

New Hampshire (Polling hours vary by municipality and are listed by location here)

New Jersey

Oklahoma

Pennsylvania

Rhode Island

Tennessee

8:30 p.m. ET

Arkansas

9 p.m. ET

Arizona

Colorado

Iowa

Kansas (Polling locations close at 8 p.m. ET in all except four counties in the west)

Louisiana

Michigan (Polling locations close at 8 p.m. ET in all except four counties)

Minnesota

Nebraska

New Mexico

New York

North Dakota (Polls close at 8 p.m. ET in all but eight counties)

South Dakota (Polls close at 8 p.m. ET in the east)

Texas (Polls close at 8 p.m. ET for most of the state except three counties in the west)

Wisconsin

Wyoming

10 p.m. ET

Montana

Nevada (The polling location at City Hall in West Wendover closes at 9 p.m. ET)

Utah

11 p.m. ET

California

Idaho (Polling locations in the south close at 10 p.m. ET)

Oregon (Polling locations in Malheur County close at 10 p.m. ET)

Washington

12 a.m. ET

Hawaii

1 a.m. ET

Alaska (Polling locations close at 12 a.m. with the exception of Adak)

I'm not really sure what other useful info I could put as I don't know much about America or it's electoral system but I hope that helps.

A lot of people I have seen have been posting about how they feel sick to their stomach's and that they can't get off the news and how they just feel terrible so...

Things you can do to distract yourself for the rest of the night (And possibly the next few days, idk how long it takes to count votes)

Have an early bedtime/take a late nap (Only go to bed after 9 at least though, otherwise you'll mess up your sleep schedule and make you feel worse.) Just sleep your way througb it if you cant help it.

To add on to point one I often use asmr if I can't fall asleep right away/to distract myself. My favorites are: Jaden Aliana Asmr, Oceans Asmr, Kaitlynn Reha asmr, and my absolute favorite Goodnight Moon ASMR (Check out her babble brook, 1920's, or valley girl series')

Listen to a podcast (I like Rotten Mango- informative true crime, Buzzfeed unsolved- funny true crime/ghost hunting, Look behind you- also true crime, and Chris Chan; a comprehensive history)

Never too late for some cleaning! Clean your house, bathroom, bedroom, closet, do a deep clean.

If your a student like me- do your schoolwork! I know you have some studying or homework that needs to be done! Get on it!! I use the pomodoro method if that does anything

Have a self care night- do an everything shower or fancy bath, make facemasks, mani pedi's ect.

Watch a movie or marathon t.v shows you love/that are comfort shows (Some of my comfort shows are; Bobs burgers, Gravity falls, the moomins 1990, the office, what we do in the shadows, black books, derry girls, moone boy, and all creatures great and small and M.A.S.H. Some of my comfort movies are; Little women, the cornetto trilogy, Emma, Legally blonde, Pride and Prejudice)

Never too late for some cooking! One of my favorite hobbies is cooking and baking (Mostly baking) Make some chocolate chip and snickerdoodle cookies, muffins, cupcakes or try a fun cake.

Go for a night walk! Just make sure you bring a buddy and some flashlights of you're in total darkness like I am right now. (Love me a Canadian fall! Already snow where I am so of course that means everyone now needs to immediately put up Christmas decorations lol. At least the lights are nice at night)

Spend time with loved ones. Call or text a friend, spend time with your family, roommates, whoever. If your on campus at a uni see if there's literally any activities or clubs open at this hour you can go to

Read. I know you have a tbr you keep meaning to get to

Go on a research rabbit hole about something interesting. Try to learn something new. Some topics to get you started relating to where I live cause why not; Try to learn about : The Animals of Canada, Indigenous cultures and peoples of Canada- ex: try to learn some Cree or Halqemeylem phrases, try to memorize all of our provinces and territories.

Get through any chores you still have to do

Make/do something creative: Play an instrument, record a song, make a collage, paint, draw

Play some music, listen to your favorite songs on loop (Spotify's still collecting data for wrapped!)

Download a videogame on your phone- just one to pass the time even if its total addictive trash. Some ones I like: Moomin town- Idle, relaxing, town building, slowpaced, free, Miriam webster quizitative- free, wordgames, has an end to it, Toca boca hair salon- not free, hair salon game, endless, Toca boca town- not free but there are dupes, dollhouse game, bird bnb- townbuilding, slowpaced, as well theres all sorts of cute isle cat games; I like the grocery store and cafe ones

Make sure to:

Drink water

Eat at regular intervals

take breaks from screens (It'll hurt ya eyes)

get some sleep at some point

Don't sleep all day (Try to get up at a normal time)

if you feel like you need- put screen time limits on your phone. Or as well, turn down the brightness if you feel you have to doom scroll.

That's all for now. Hope you guys are doing ok and that the results are what we are all hoping for. Just know that you are in pretty much everyone's minds and we are all thinking of you (Even if we don't live in America). Stay safe and take care of yourself and your mental health.

Love, thoughts, prayers, and support from Canada/Tumblr and have a good night.

Congrats if you managed to get through this absolute brick of text. I commend you. I'll probably check back in tomorrow.

[thetriboulet]

AMERICAN OSEMANVERSE FAN'S GUIDE TO BRITISHISMS AND THE SCHOOL SYSTEM

HELLO - so I've been seeing a few posts about like. american Osemanverse/other-british-ip fans not understanding the uk school system or just general britishisms, especially when writing fanfiction, SO. I've created a little guide below to help with some pretty common mistakes i see a lot in fics, but also just general misunderstandings and confusion.

(NOTE THAT THIS IS SPECIFIC TO ENGLAND AS ALL OSEMANVERSE PROPERTIES ARE SET THERE. AS THIS IS LARGELY TO DO WITH EDUCATION AND COLLOQUIALISMS PEOPLE FROM DIFFERENT AGE GROUPS AND PARTS OF THE UK MAY HAVE EXPERIENCES WITH THESE TERMS/SYSTEMS THAT DIFFER FROM WHAT I HAVE LAID OUT.)

Language and slang:

(the four words I see misused, used out of place, or used in excess a lot in fics.)

1. 'Mate' - alright so. 'Mate', in my experience, tends to be used in three main ways:

i) just a general address that people (usually guys) use on their friends. I'd like to point out that it's used more as an address than a noun. So, for example, its a lot more common to hear someone be like 'Mate, are you alright' than it is to hear 'Yeah we're good mates', although the latter is still a thing. Worth noting however that when used as a noun the word comes off as very casual and sometimes a bit dismissive, so it's unlikely that characters such as Frances and Aled would refer to each other as 'mates'. The only Osemanverse characters I can think of rn that I think have or would call someone their mate are Harry or Mac, probably.

ii) again a general address except with a hint of irony. think when Angel tells Juliet 'Mate, I am living.' It's basically the same as i) except a little sillier. a little more chutzpah. i could see Rooney, Angel, Tao, and Bliss using it this way.

iii) aggressively. think when harry says 'mate, are you in a mood' in the heartsopper netflix show or when Nick calls Charlie mate in Nick & Charlie. In an aggressive context its pretty much exclusively used as an address. If you're writing angst about your chosen characters arguing then this can be a pretty good way of indicating a tonal shift.

2. 'Bruv' - absolutely not. Never use this one unironically I'm begging you I promise that the general bruv population over here are NOT in the Osemanverse fandom.

3. 'Bloke' - not the worst. Used solely as a noun (unless you're counting 'blokish'), usually by and with reference to men aged 30+. This one is a bit more common up north so if you're writing fanfiction for Loveless set in Durham then having older characters use this is fitting. It isn't unheard of for younger people to use it, but the only Osemanverse characters I can think of off the top of my head who would are probably Harry, Lister, (maybe) Rowan, and the taxi driver from iwbft, or Rooney or Becky ironically.

4. 'Lad' - same as 'Bloke' except used with reference to young boys/men. This one is more likely to be used by younger people than 'Bloke', specifically as a noun or mode of address (i.e I think at one point in IWBFT Lister addresses Rowan and Jimmy as 'lads'.)

School stuff!:

NOTE: We refer to stages of school in two main ways-

No 1 is Years, going from 1-6 (primary), 7-11 (secondary), and 12-13 (sixth form/college).

No 2 is Key Stages (KS). This basically lumps together year groups. Years 12-13 are KS5, years 10-11 are KS4, years 7-9 are KS3, years 3-6 are KS2, and anything below that is KS1.

YEARS TO GRADES TRANSLATOR: Add one to a grade and you'll get the equivalent year. For example: Grade 9 = Year 10, Grade 4 = Year 5. I know this may seem innocuous but trust me it makes SUCH a difference.

SUBJECT NAMING CONVENTIONS: Some of our school subject names are different. Common ones that people get wrong (as in, using american names to describe british classes) include:

- Maths/Mathematics (=MATH, obviously) - This doesn't seem like a big deal but trust me if you put 'math' or 'math class' in your writing it can stick out. (Also worth mentioning that in the UK we don't normally seperate maths into different classes, i.e Calculus or Geometry. These will all be taught by the same teacher(s) in the same allocated class time.)

- PE/Physical Education (=GYM) - not much to say about this. 'Gym' is fine when referring to the physical space, but most people don't call the subject 'Gym class'.

- History - not a big deal but we usually don't have different kinds of History class, i.e 'World History' or 'U.S History' (obviously not the latter.)

A RUNDOWN OF THE SCHOOLING TIMELINE:

PRE SCHOOL- (equivalent to KINDERGARTEN) - most people start school around age three by going to 'nursery', though some people dont.

PRIMARY SCHOOL (equivalent to ELEMENTARY SCHOOL)- You then move up to Reception, which is basically Baby's Induction Into the School System. Following that, you go from years 1-6 (some primary schools only go up to year 5 and some go all the way up to year 7 but this is uncommon).

SECONDARY SCHOOL (YEARS 7-9) - (equivalent to MIDDLE SCHOOL) - this is where the translation to americansim gets a bit messy im afraid. Secondary school spans 5 years total, from the ages of 11-16, which means that the first two years of what americans call high school are part of our secondary school system in addition to american middle school years. But yeah, years 7-9 are basically middle school. During year 9 students will choose subjects (although some are compulsory, like maths and english) to study at GCSE (General Certificate of Secondary Education).

SECONDARY SCHOOL (years 10-11) - (equivalent to FRESHMAN and SOPHMORE years of highschool) - years 10-11 is generally when people start studying for their GCSEs. In summary, this is when school gets a bit serious. Year 11s sit for their exams at the end of the year and leave school early once theyre finished. As i said before these year groups are usually a part of the same school as year 7-9.

SIXTH FORM/COLLEGE (years 12-13) - (equivalent to JUNIOR and SENIOR years of highschool) - when shit hits the fan. Students in this year bracket will usually study 3 or 4 A-Levels depending on the school. We also have International Baccalaureate and Level 3 Diploma courses but as far as I'm aware no Osemanverse characters take/have taken these. 'Sixth form' and 'college' both refer to this age group (college does not mean university in this case) and facilitate mostly the same types of study, however, Sixth forms are more similar to Secondary schools than colleges as they usually have uniforms and are generally stricter. I don't think any characters attend college though so this shouldn't be an issue.

FINAL NOTE: Don't take any of this too seriously. Writing fanfiction is supposed to be fun, and stressing over transcontinental slang differences isn't worth it if it takes any enjoyment away from your writing process. I just wanted to put all these things into one text post so people who want clarity on them can have an easy point of reference. While sometimes reading 'grade' instead of 'year', or 'mate' in a place it shouldn't be can sometimes very briefly take me out of a fic, it is not a big deal at all and doesn't stop me (or anyone) from enjoying that piece of writing. I can confidently say I have never read a bad Osemanverse fic, and the IWBFT and Radio Silence fandoms in particular produce some amazing work IMO. These aren't rules, just tips.

Except for the bruv thing.

Never put bruv in your fic I beg.

Y'all are amazing, have a nice day :^)

[hazelcephalopod]

Well today feels like as good a day as any for me to mention some real history I learned after I watched The Terror. This has basically nothing to do with the show I’ll tell you rn -I’ll also mention some facts about the Franklins at the end. Let’s talk about Dr. John Rae and one of the first investigations into “Wtf happened to the Franklin expedition.”

Background

John Rae was born on September 30, 1813 in Orkney were he was also raised -The Orkneys are a group of islands off Scotlands northern coast. He became a doctor and then got a job to what is not Ontario with the Hudson Bay Company. During that time he worked with First Nations people of the area and became adept with snowshoes and survival skills.

He was later chosen for an expedition which required further training that he had to travel to receive. He then joined expedition and took advice from Inuit he met along the way. During this period he learned to build igloos which he preferred to tents. While he did not reach his destination he made progress on its goals. He later explored the Arctic coast exploring areas that Franklin had before -or near them.

Journeys to find Franklins Expedition

Dr Rae became the second in command on a expedition to find Franklins taking an overland Arctic route, in 1848. Many other took place Using different routes and at different times, most with limited or no success. One of the rivers they encountered is named after him. Ultimately this expedition failed to find Franklins nor much evidence or information about it. Rae returned to England in 1852, roughly 4 years since it started.

Back in England he was granted an attempt to to return in 1853 and had by March of that year. This attempt would prove far more fruitful.

In 1954, after over a year of travel he met some Inuit who had a gold cap-band. When asked they explained they had found it 10-12 days away at a place where roughly 35 non-Inuit had starved to death. He bought it and offered to buy any similar items.

Several weeks later and only two of his men able to travel he began to turn back, on the way he met several Inuit families who wanted to trade with him. With them they had a small silver platter engraved on the back read “Sir John Franklin, K.C.H.”.

They informed him that 4 winters prior some Inuit met no less than 40 non-Inuit who where dragging a boat south, describing a man who fit the description of Francis Crozier. This party of probably Englishwomen communicated by gestures to the Inuit that their ships had been crushed and they were looking to hunt further south. When the same Inuit returned the next spring they found roughly 30 deceaseds, also found were signs of cannibalism.

Rae found this information sufficient to end his search and return to England and report his findings. Ultimately leaving Repulse Bay several months later in August 1854. His journey he taken a roughly a year and a half. He may have been the first European person to discovery the Northern Passage and was certainly one of the first.

Report and Disgrace

Once returned to Britain Dr. Rae made two reports. The the British Admirality he made a full report including the cannibalism, to the public his report excluded the mention of cannibalism. The Admirality, apparently by mistake, released the full report to the public, causing backlash. Lady Jane Franklin was especially affronted and had Charles Dickens write a tirade against Rae published in a magazine. The tirade ignited racist claims that the Inuit were liars, with some accusing they themselves of the cannibalism, claiming Englishmen would not have stooped to such acts. Additionally implying Dr. Rae the fool for believing the Inuit themselves.

Dr. Rae’s reputation was somewhat tarnished, he received a portion of the prize money for the information gathered, but it likely prevented him from being knighted and receiving further recognition in life and for the century after his death.

Post Expeditions, Death, and Legacy

Despite this he planned a polar expedition, building the “Iceberg”. Before he could take this journey the ship was used as a cargo ship and sadly sunk with its crew of 7. The wreck remains lost. Following this he became a founder of the “Hamilton Scientific Association” which would become the “Hamilton Association for the Advancement Literature Science and Art”. He later worked to establish telegraph lines in America and Canada. He visited Iceland and Greenland. He also married in 1860.

Dr. John Rae died in Kensington, London on July 22, 1893 at the age of 79. He was buried in Kirkwall, Orkney. His death went by mostly unacknowledged due to the backlash at his discovery of the fate of the Franklin Expedition. Later findings would confirm the reports he had been given by Inuit traders and delivered tactfully to Britain. (Author here: Authorities completely bungled his attempts to deliver the news with tact)

He has been noted as perhaps the foremost European Arctic survivalist. Likely in part due to his willingness to learn form local Arctic Peoples and other First Nation Peoples, setting him apart form many of contemporaries.

Since his death his accomplishment have received greater recognition, his former home in Kensington received a Blue Plaque in 2011. On the 200th Anniversary of his birth a statue to him was erected in Stromness, Orkney. Later that year the charity “The John Rae Society” was created to promote his achievements. Additionally, in 2014 at his birthplace of Hall of Celstrain, Orphic, Stromness, Orkney a plaque was placed by Historic Enviroment Scotland.

Also fun facts: His discover of the Northwest Passage is contested with the generally more accepted discovery by the McClure Expedition also created to find Franklins Expedition. McClure’s went significantly worse than Rae’s.

Places named -in English- after Dr. Rae include-

- Rae River

- Rae Strait

- Rae Isthmus

- Mnt. Rae

- Point Rae

- Rae-Edzo was the legal name for several settlements and communities near what is now called Behchokǫ̀, Northwest Territories, Canada.

Well thank you for reading. I really enjoyed writing this. I might do a better researched essay on this in the future. I’m just happy I got to tell you about Dr. John Rae bc tbh his story has become a minor special interest of mine. I just think he was a neat guy.

Now for those who want some absolutely not respectful words about the dead:

Facts about the Franklins (I’d not call them fun)

my opinion based off the following info: fuck’em. They sucked. (Plz ready Sir/Lady with the maximum amount of contempt you can manage)

As shown in the show this was not Sir first expedition. On his first he lost 11 of 20 men over roughly 3 years. Learning from the first the second went much better, they mapped the area and didn’t seem to suffer any major losses -though tbh some of it seems to have been luck.

Lady Jane Franklin -his second wife- while her husband was a Lt. Gov. of Tasmania (1837-1843) took in two aboriginal children one after the other, to “teach them to be civilized”. A young boy named Timemendic who she soon gave to her step-daughter (who was 18) who trained him as a servant, until he was deemed bad at that and they tried to send him to an orphanage and then ultimately to work as a deckhand.

Several years she decided to try again and “adopt” a very young girl called Mary whom she renamed Mathinna, once again she put her step daughter in charge of her. Lady Franklin liked her much more, but ultimately when Lord Franklin was called back to England they abandoned her in an orphanage, the rest of her life was suffice to say filled with abuse and suffering and by 18 she was dead. Her remains were eventually returned to Tasmania.

[justaboymadeofhoneyandglass]

okay so my novel is called rebel princess

ive been writing this thing since i was 12 hehe its been YEARS since i started but i recently scrapped everything from my original draft and started over because there were plot holes and things had deviated from the original short story i made which is what made me want to write it in the first place

So the synopsis:

All her life, Tesla has been waiting for the day she gets to kill her mother. Ever since she was ten, she vowed to get revenge for herself, and all the kids her mother sacrificed in the name of a god. Now she’s 17, and the day has come to carry out her plan. Tesla knows the only way to kill her mother involves sacrificing herself, and she has come to terms with it. Her only regret is leaving all her friends behind. And her sister… Liliana. She’s the one helping Tesla, and the one that’ll have to see her die. But like everything else in Tesla’s life, even this doesn’t go her way. Everything goes awry, and now Tesla is left with a hurt Liliana and missing guildmates. Something more sinister is lurking in the dark, and it might be closer to Tesla than she originally thought… 

and i think i have an intro to the characters somewhere on my main but maybe not, i should make one

Molwas' are specialized abilities in their world that are specific to the person

so here they are:

Tesla Allaya Wilds(Winterstone) Age: 17 Molwas: teleportation Birthday: November 30 Social status: Commoner(but technically royalty) MBTI: ISTJ Personality:  Reliable, quiet, curt, stubborn, practical, loyal

======

Liliana Emine Winterstone Age: 13 Molwas: Unknown Birthday: March 11 Social status: Royalty MBTI: ENFP Personality: optimistic, extroverted, lonely, imaginative, perfectionist

========

Celestine Umbriel Winterstone Age: 54 Molwas: Manipulation Birthday: December 2 Social Status: Royalty(the queen) MBTI: ISTP Personality: manipulative, authoritative, ambitious, determined, cold

=========

Asteri Claire Winterstone Age: Died at the age of 5 Molwas: im not sure Birthday: July 23 Social status: Royalty(deceased) MBTI: ESFP Personality: outgoing, clumsy, cynical, level- headed, bored

==========

Royce Dionne Age: 16 Molwas: doesnt have one i think Birthday: June 6 Social status: commoner (former prince of a fallen kingdom) MBTI: ESFJ Personality: Outgoing, charismatic, dependable, loyal, confident

===========

Tara Theron Age: 16 Molwas: doesn't have one since she's a demi human Birthday: May 17 Social status: Commoner(she comes from a tribe where there's not really any rank) MBTI: ISFP Personality: Bubby, empathetic, passionate, fun, imaginative, lowkey ruthless

============

Griffin Ailsie Travers Age: 10 Molwas: Prophetic seeing Birthday: April 9 Social status: commoner MBTI: INFP Personality: Timid, empathetic, imaginative, chaotic

==============

Franklin (Fatihah) Khuzmaimah Age: 23 Molwas: none since she's a demi human Birthday: unknown to the characters Social status: commoner to humans, ranked 4th out of 11 dragon families hierarchy MBTI: ISTJ Personality: Sarcastic, cold, reliable, focused, practical

=================

Micah Izeron Age: 18 Molwas: none bc he's a demi human Birthday: August 17 Social status: same as tara's MBTI: idk yet Personality: cynical, grumpy, teddy bear like, kind

and uhhhhhh thats the basic rundown hehehe

I have 2 and a half chapters written rn(sobbing bc i used to be like 13 chapters in with the old draft, OVER 21000 WORDS GONE ToT) including the prologue hehe

OMG THATS SO COOL

I have the same MBTI as the little sister hehe

Also tesla is so relate in wanting to get revenge omg

what are demi humans tho ? Is it like demigods?

[webvampzz]

Hey regarding the question thing can I get your answers to 9 and 31

YAYAAYY I LOVE ANSWERING THESE TYY

Ok so

9. idk if ive ever had a true accomplishment tbh but probably passing an exam i knew i was gonna fail? ( im so sorry i cant think of anything)

10. i am allergic to mango

11. highs- when i bought a game i really wanted and was able to lore dump for hours, lows was when i had a breakdown ( rlly bad one ) to some music i dont remember the reason but i was 100℅ sure i wasnt gonna make it to today ( sorry about the personal vent,, tldr i had a breakdown with music playing thats it)

12. definitely spain. no clue why but definitely spain or france

13. i listen to ambience / save room music and rant to myself . or just music in general and rant to myself

14. pinterest and last fm ( or any app that lets u track what music/ movies uve watch i love stats and numbers sm)

15. lore nerd with bad taste in movies

16. i like my eyes the most so probably those

17. im somewhat good at writing but only about my interests

18. i am terrible at math and science

19. im ngl probably anytime i went to the doctor and they asked me about how im doing mentally

20. radiohead was named after the talking heads song and they were originally called on a friday because theyd practice on fridays hence the name

21. probably myself? i dont like revealing much about me to anybody tbh

22. my keyboard and guitar definitely i love them sm esp the key board

23. one that ive had since 5th grade iirc,, idk how long its been tho but its defo been a long time since we've been friends

24. when i realized i had to get a job eventually snd pay taxes and move out someday

25. ive never played any :(

26. bad

27. night owl, i wish i were an early bird though 😭

28. i kinda do but i kinda dont its hard to explain. more on the not at all side though

29. these r very weird answers ik i sound like an edgelord rn 😭

" i want to be someone else or ill explode " ( talk show host by radiohead)

" we were good as married in my mind, but married in my mind's no good" ( pink triangle by weezer)

" a heart that's full up like a landfill, a job that slowly kills you, bruises that wont heal " ( no surprises by radiohead)

" you'll go to hell for what your dirty mind is thinking " ( nude by radiohead)

30. probably just basic self care like showering i dont do anything past that tbh

31. thom yorke, thomas edward yorke, the radiohead singer ( i cant think of anyone else 😭)

Im actually so sorry if any of these were too personal or the answers were too long 😭 i just really like answering these but in so sorry if they seem weird or like im venting

[avallands-basement]

Matsumoto Sae

Name Matsumoto Hiraya Sae (末本ヒラヤ佐永)

MC Name ARIS3 (Arise, Araisu)

Appellation Watakushi

Birthday July 7

Color #E6B2FF

Age 20

Height 165cm

Blood Type O

Alignment Lawful Neutral

Profession International Private University Student MV editor (freelancer)

Hobby Insect Pinning

Weakness Dark rooms, Reptiles

Trauma "I loved my nanny, I was always happy when she praised me. However, she would lock me in a small, dark room with no sound whenever I act out from the 'perfect lady' image she wanted."

Voice claim Alfakyun

Twitter @/Ari3 (main), @/aripan (sub)

Emoji 🪭

Favorite Food Sweets

Drinks? Yes

Smokes? No

Special Skill Pathological Liar (lol)

Profile

the step-daughter of the current head of Matsumoto group, and former heiress. Due to reasons unknown to the public, she stepped down and currently living alone. Although she hasn't cut ties with her family, she's keeping distance from them. Formed the music group "Avalland" 2 years ago, and its leader as well as their MV editor.

Appearance

Black hair and tanned skin that she got from her biological father, and pink-ish brown eyes from her mother. Her black hair is dyed with pink ombre and neon pink highlights, kept in a side ponytail with white and pink striped bow.

Casual She wears sleeveless blouse with thin pink ribbon on her default casual appearance, paired with long blue skirt and white frills. Her white blouse is topped with a light fuchsia-ish colored sweater. She often wears thigh high stockings and brown heeled suede loafers.

Stage Outfit [i dont know how to explain it rn have this]

Personality

Sae as a child is very quiet and reserved, but can be quite teasing while having a straight face (when it comes to her only childhood friend). When it comes to having to present herself in front of strangers, she would put on her noble lady act especially in front of the people her step-father is connected with.

Sae doesn't usually talk to people first unless she has to, though she isn’t one to reject a conversation with anyone. She appears polite but builds up a wall to strangers, usually keeping conversations short. Due to her upbringing, she holds up her “proper lady” mask. Often helps others when asked to, which has her gain good reputation and image. Although she became more expressive in recent years, she still put up her noble lady act finding it enjoyable. When it comes to those she’s close and comfortable with, she’s very playful and talkative. Regardless of who she interacts with, she easily gets tired of interacting with anyone.

Despite being quite straightforward and blunt at times, she had developed the habit of setting her feelings aside, finding confrontations troublesome and would turn a blind eye on a situation (unless it concerns her). She's very loyal to her friends, often going along with them especially if it's something she views as entertaining.

Timeline

Age 06 | Parents divorced

Age 08 | Mother married the heir of Matsumoto Group (currently the head), Nanny is appointed to her

Age 09 | Announced to be the heiress, heiress lessons begins, learned basic stage acting

Age 12 | Joined theater club in middle school

Age 13 | Nanny left, Begun assisting the head of Matsumoto conglomerate

Age 15 | Stepped down from the heiress position

Age 16 | Started high school, Meets Rinia, Masaya & Yoshino

Age 18 | Gets admitted to university, Avalland is formed

Age 20 | Now

Schedule

12:00 AM − 02:30 AM | Work on comms/fanmade MVs

02:30 AM − 08:00 AM | Gets called by Yoshino( “Go to sleep”), Sleep

08:00 AM − 09:00 AM | Wake-up, shower

09:00 AM − 10:00 AM | Either eats take out, eats outside, or eat at Suzue residence

10:00 AM − 12:00 PM | Class

12:00 PM − 01:00 PM | Lunch

01:00 PM − 04:00 PM | Class

04:00 PM − 07:00 PM | Either at ChocoSweetie Bakery or at Suzue residence to hang out

07:00 PM − 08:00 PM | Dinner either at Suzue residence or at home

08:00 PM − 10:00 PM | Take a nap / studying or doing schoolwork

10:00 PM − 12:00 AM | Work on commissions/fanmade MVs

Relationships and Appellations

→To OCs

→To Gen1 + YASHA

→To Gen2 + SHURA

[life--is-not-daijoubu]

okay now i am VERY interested in whatever's going on with chess. /gen

if you want you can rant about it in my dms or here? whichever you prefer tbh

Here is fine and thanks for asking<333

Okay so I think I mentioned 3 things: the toilet cheating scandal, chess boxing and anderssen

1. I was going to tell the whole story because it's hilarious and the players involved to this day don't shake hands in the beginning of their games, which is a sign of total disrespect in chess but it was getting really long

GothamChess has a great 30 min video on this event, just search "Chess Toilet Cheating Scandal (2006)" on youtube, you can leave out the games he analyses and just focus on pure drama, there are timestamps in the video

Long story short it's world chess championship 2006, Kramnik and Topalov playing best of 12 matches to decide who's the world champion, and when Kramnik starts winning more and more Topalov accuses him of cheating. In the bathroom. Because during hours long matches guy goes out to the toilet with a "strange, if not suspicious" frequency and there's a cable on the ceiling of the toilet. So Kramnik gets super pissed and holy tardis of gallifrey, all hell breaks loose.

(I'm laughing rn I can't-)

2. Chess boxing. The most insane sport I've ever heard of and it's exactly what it sounds like.

There's a chessboard next to a boxing ring. The players have a few chess moves/some time to play. Then they switch to boxing, also for a while. And then again to chess. And again to boxing. And again and again and again until someone loses in one of these disciplines.

You can't win your chess match? Gotta crush them in the ring. You can't win boxing match? Oh buddy, good luck with chess.

I have no idea how did this become a thing.

3. And the final one, Adolf Anderssen, the guy who lived like 200 years ago and is probably my favourite chess player ever.

You know romanticism era? All the drama, poems, affairs? Romantic chess was exactly like that. Its Wikipedia page literally says "winning was secondary to winning with style". And Anderssen was one of the most famous players of that time.

Some games are so good they get their own names, titles, idk. This is the case with The Immortal Game won by Anderssen against Kieseritzky, who probably regretted he's ever been born afterwards. Basically Anderssen sacrificed his strongest pieces (both his rooks and the fucking queen, what the fuck who does that) (I'm so sorry for swearing but ndjsnjsntwcs), left his king without any defenders out in the center of the board while being attacked by two different pieces including the enemy queen and then checkmated the enemy king.

I aspire to be like this man.

There's another game with a title won by him, The Evergreen Game, but I don't remember it that well so yeah

He was amazing

[osc-aus]

hi it's me 📗 again sorry about the spam I'm too scared to talk about the ppt2 au on main (even though probably most of my mutuals know who I am on this anyway lol) and I'm thinking about it rn and you seem to at least tolerate my random ramblings at 12:30 am

so i think i will change the character that gets blue nightmared to post it notes i think that would be way more interesting anyway and also i realize the whole journal going missing in ppt2 13 really works in my favor for this au way more than the ending of 12 did so that's nice

basically short explanation but like post it note is trying to find journal to see if he's ok (for the sake of this au and not having to wait till whenever it's revealed what happened he's just hanging out somewhere) when he gets attacked by one of the monsters and they do something to post it note and now he's infected

unfortunately he doesn't really realize what's going on until the problem is almost beyond saving he just thinks he's really sick until his limbs start turning kind of blue and he's like oh shit what the fuck happened when i go attacked

so now he's really gotta find journal before its too late i don't know where it goes after this other than he does indeed find journal eventually the question is can journal actually do anything. hmmm

shit that wasn't actually as short as i was aiming for hand in hands -📗 anon

what spam it's explicitly stated you can send as many as you want lmao- and random ramblings sometimes have the best ideas, so

OOOOO poor post it note. dude just wants to help but NOPE LOL- he does seem the type to not realize hes infected though lmao. i wonder if the other contestants noticed before he did

[annwayne]

MUSIC ASKS

because it looked fun :3 bagheerita did this a while back and I wanted to do it too, so >P

Edit bc I forgot to also include the credit: originally from @benedictervention-deactivated20

1. A song you like with a color in the title: Blue Lips by Regina Spektor

2. A song you like with a number in the title: One by Harry Nilsson

3. A song that reminds you of summertime: Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood

4. A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about: The Plagues by Mick Byram and Ralph Fiennes Less a person and more..a cult lmao but I still love it

5. A song that needs to be played LOUD: Teenagers or Welcome to the Black Parade by My Chemical Romance no, I will not pick just one.

6. A song that makes you want to dance: Kissing Strangers by DNCE ft. Nicki Minaj

7. A song to drive to: Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars

8. A song about drugs or alcohol: Gasoline by Halsey (?) It mentions getting high and drinking lol another song that was pivotal in my self acceptance while in the cult.

9. A song that makes you happy: Pompeii by Bastille during track meets we’d play this song off one of our phones and sing at the top of our lungs… some good memories.

10. A song that makes you sad: Love Like You from Steven Universe Ft. Rebecca Sugar less sad and more I always cry when I hear this song?

11. A song that you never get tired of: Saint Bernard by Lincoln lol reclaim religious imagery who?

12. A song from your preteen years: Radioactive by Imagine Dragons this was the first song I discovered completely by myself, not from tv, movies, friends, or family.

13. One of your favorite 80’s songs: Africa by Toto (Ninja Sex Party Cover is my favorite)

14. A song that you would love played at your wedding: Home by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros

15. A song that is a cover by another artist: Everybody Wants To Rule The World by Ninja Sex Party

16. One of your favorite classical songs: This isn't fair I listen to classical music the most and I know so many by just like a couple notes. Like. man. I was a band kid you can't do this to me. Alright I'm being a basic bitch- Für Elise by Beethoven

17. A song that would sing a duet with on karaoke: I'll Make A Man Out of You by David Zippel, Matthew Wilder, and Stephen Schwartz (Yes, the disney song I can always belt out a disney song)

18. A song from the year that you were born: Closing Time by Semisonic yeah I pulled a semantics lol.

19. A song that makes you think about life: Creature by Half Alive who asked for more religious iconography???

20. A song that has many meanings to you: Take Me to Church by Hozier

21. A favorite song with a person’s name in the title: Eleanor Rigby by The Beetles

22. A song that moves you forward: Bells by The Unlikely Candidates

23. A song that you think everybody should listen to: Devil’s Train by The Lab Rats I just think it’s a cool song

24. A song by a band you wish were still together: Yeah I don’t know bands so I couldn’t say. Heard MCR has a reunion tour going on rn so good for them.

25. A song by an artist no longer living: Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen

26. A song that makes you want to fall in love: It's You (specifically the cover by Road & Ashe, at least the video title says its a cover but I can't find who the og artist is like at all-this was the song I listened to daydreaming about falling in love when I was a teen)

27. A song that breaks your heart (in a good way): Hurt by Johnny Cash

28. A song by an artist with a voice that you love: Say My Name from Beetlejuice the Musical Alex Brightman is one of my favorite voice actors and singers out there like I always can spot him in animated media and promptly lose my shit. I had the chance to see Beetlejuice the musical last December and I can't say how amazing and cool it was to see this musical after years of listening to the soundtrack.

29. A song that you remember from your childhood: Monster Mash by Bobby Pickett

30. A song that reminds you of yourself: Weak by AJR I loved this song when it first came out, listened to it constantly as it was something telling me I could make mistakes and didn't have to be perfect (something unacceptable in the eyes of the fundamentalist cult I was born into) and just a few years later I escaped that cult. Now it's a song that shows me I knew. I knew before I knew.

[kaleidoscopiccc]

yapping time!!

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

coffee mugs all the way

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

chocolate bars, I hate lollipops I love chocolate

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

bubblegum

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

loud. very very loud. lots of personality. (I was one of those kids who was convinced she was a grown adult)

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

can

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

grunge, i don't think i have a specific aesthetic i just kinda wear what i think looks cool, its just that most of the time what looks cool is black clothes

7. earbuds or headphones?

headphones, earbuds give me a headache

8. movies or tv shows?

tv shows, not the biggest film connoisseur

9. favorite smell in the summer?

I spend my more memorable summers in turkey so simit vendors next to the Mediterranean Sea, also more recently burnt popcorn

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

I was really good at solo badminton if that makes sense, not much else, not excited to have to take pe again

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

toast. I love toast

12. name of your favorite playlist?

oh all of my rtc characters playlists, rn it’s “oceans gonna take you down // ocean oconnell rosenberg - rtc” and “like a lamb to the slaughter // penny lamb - rtc/legoland”, also “don't you worry about your curly hair” im very emotionally attached to

13. lanyard or key ring?

lanyard, I lose stuff too easily

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

 I can get behind anything sour 

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

to kill a mockingbird :3

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

my pair of tennis shoes of the year

18. ideal weather?

RAIN GOD PLEASE I WANT RAIN

19. sleeping position?

ok the long side of my bed is up against a wall so there’s this perfect corner that I can fit my entire front body body into and it’s the comfiest thing ever

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

notes app but using the draw function or notebook, i like writing things

21. obsession from childhood?

I’ve retained a good amount of Greek mythology knowledge from 4-7th grade

22. role model?

it’s so cringe but basically all the cyclone actors that regularly interact w me i love all of them w all my heart

23. strange habits?

I meow a lot. but like. just the word meow. that might just be a stimming thing idk. idk a lot of things.

24. favorite crystal?

any one w pretty colors, I’m a little crow at heart

25. first song you remember hearing?

hello by adelle

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

stay home. its never just warm in az, always boiling

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

again, its never cold, just a little cool. so hanging out w friends :3

28. five songs to describe you?

Letter to my 13 year old self (i too have curly hair and a foreign name and wish to be a star), pink pony club, the prophecy, the grudge, youre gonna go far

29. best way to bond with you?

ASK ME QUESTIONS! MAKE ME TAKE STUPID ONLINE PERSONALITY QUIZZES! LET ME INFODUMP!

30. places that you find sacred?

the theater, I LOVE the theater

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

tank top, leather jacket, mini skirt, bandana, sick ass earrings

33. most used phrase in your phone?

btw

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

ay. gaz. duh duh duh!

35. average time you fall asleep?

12ish

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

vines compilations

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

dufflebag

38. lemonade or tea?

lemonade. lemonsssss……..

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

lemon cake

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

kid dressed up as jesus went around dapping up 5th graders

41. last person you texted?

@wa3v3y

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

jacket pocket

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

leather jacket

44. favorite scent for soap?

rose

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

fantasy

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

my moms childhood clothes I stole

47. favorite type of cheese?

I hate cheese, if I have to pick, mozzarella 

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

vişne :3

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

fuck it, we ball

51. current stresses?

school soon…………

52. favorite font?

fonts are a pain

53. what is the current state of your hands?

long black nails idk how else to explain it I like my hands

55. favorite fairy tale?

NASRETIN HOCA

56. favorite tradition?

I make chocolate pudding every new years, thats very fun i think, i also just like chocolate pudding

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

November 2022, June 2023, September 2023

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

I’m really flexible despite not having much visible muscle, I have a really good semi-short term memory, and I can recite the entire script of ride the cyclone word for word

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

I should’ve stayed home …

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

magical girl, I really wanna be a magical girl

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

“I would gladly take my 17 years over nothing”

62. seven characters you relate to?

every cyclone character (this counts as 3), amity blight, lisa frankenstein, beth march, christine canigula

64. favorite website from your childhood?

friv 2016, I was SUCH a flash game girl

65. any permanent scars?

acne scars, don’t pick at your skin kids

66. favorite flower(s)?

call me basic but I really do love roses, and forget me nots! I love forget me nots!!

67. good luck charms?

not a charm but I always re-paint my nails when I REALLY need something to go well

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

your skin doesn’t actually have sensors for “wet”, your brain uses surrounding context clues to figure out what actually feels wet

70. left or right handed?

right, I do use my left for basically everything else though

71. least favorite pattern?

fake paint

72. worst subject?

chemistry. it’s not even hard I just don’t listen in class

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

like a 7

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

like 4 or 5, i was very early to everything

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

in n out french fries

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

gas station coffee, coffee is coffee

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

don’t have a drivers license but my school id is Pretty Damn Bad

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

earth tones, I love me browns and blacks and greens

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

fireflies

82. pc or console?

PC PC PC I HATE CONSOLE PC AND ALWAYS PC

83. writing or drawing?

writing, my ability to draw is far too inconsistent

84. podcasts or talk radio?

podcasts

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie, i have 2 sitting in my closet rn

85. fairy tales or mythology?

mythology

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Cookies! I make some banger chocolate chip cookies

87. your greatest fear?

everyone love leaving me, and death, isn't that everyones

88. your greatest wish?

come out wout anyone caring

89. who would you put before everyone else?

@wa3v3y hi tagged you twice. love you.

91. boxes or bags?

bags

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

lamp, dim enough for ambience, bright enough to comfortably see

93. nicknames?

hate them, hate them so bad

94. favorite season?

autumn! ultimate weirdgirl season!!!

95. favorite app on your phone?

tumblr, hi guys

96. desktop background?

trinity ride the cyclone!!!!

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

one… my moms….

98. favorite historical era?

tudor dynasty!

weird asks that say a lot

in

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

7. earbuds or headphones?

8. movies or tv shows?

9. favorite smell in the summer?

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

12. name of your favorite playlist?

13. lanyard or key ring?

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

18. ideal weather?

19. sleeping position?

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

21. obsession from childhood?

22. role model?

23. strange habits?

24. favorite crystal?

25. first song you remember hearing?

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

28. five songs to describe you?

29. best way to bond with you?

30. places that you find sacred?

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

32. top five favorite vines?

33. most used phrase in your phone?

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

35. average time you fall asleep?

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

38. lemonade or tea?

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

41. last person you texted?

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

44. favorite scent for soap?

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

47. favorite type of cheese?

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

51. current stresses?

52. favorite font?

53. what is the current state of your hands?

54. what did you learn from your first job?

55. favorite fairy tale?

56. favorite tradition?

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

62. seven characters you relate to?

63. five songs that would play in your club?

64. favorite website from your childhood?

65. any permanent scars?

66. favorite flower(s)?

67. good luck charms?

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

70. left or right handed?

71. least favorite pattern?

72. worst subject?

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

82. pc or console?

83. writing or drawing?

84. podcasts or talk radio?

84. barbie or polly pocket?

85. fairy tales or mythology?

86. cookies or cupcakes?

87. your greatest fear?

88. your greatest wish?

89. who would you put before everyone else?

90. luckiest mistake?

91. boxes or bags?

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

93. nicknames?

94. favorite season?

95. favorite app on your phone?

96. desktop background?

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

98. favorite historical era?

[starsdailyjournal]

Journaling for my mental health as an epic scene girl (not clickbait) Day 1!

Today (sunday) I woke up at like 12:44 am or pm idkkkk but it was when the sun was up and like my dad had asked me to call him and since I have like ptsd I tweaked out but I brushed my teeth first because like I'm trying to get myself into the routine of doing that now. Anyway I called him and he just wanted me to like make my sister breakfast and put the food we made in the fridge but like he rlly freaked me out by just texting me "Call me when you wake up.". And he said he was getting us pizza which is now one of my least favorite things to hear from him (because of the c-a-l-o-r-i-e-s and because I'm really bad at expressing grattitude to him since we are sorta close (he is my bio dad I've known him all my life its complicated). But anyway I made my lil sister (10 yr old nerd) an awesome omelet with mozerela and sausage slices AND a cheese crust idk how to explain it basically I put cheese in a pan after I made the omelet and when it was still melty and not hard I put the omelet I already made on it and the I folded the whole thing when the cheese was cooked!! I bet it was yummy idk tho but anyway after that I scammed someone on adopt me (l-o-l) for like an fr panda, r sloth and nfr or nr hydra they got 20k rh diamonds tho soooo yk its fine!!! I was gonna scam sum more but like I got stuck trying to figure out how to use razer cortex (because royale high is so laggy on this dumb laptop) and I was stuck on that for hours legit untile dinner!! but while I was stuck on that my dad came home and gave me some chocolate which was nice but it also sucked because I CANT express grattitude its rlly hard for me bc I'm too grateful that I feel like if I tried to put into words the gratuity I feel I would spaz. BUT anyway I haven't eaten the chcolate yet (also its dark chocolate and if u dont fw dark chcolate ur ai generated) but I did eat 2 slices of this rlly oily garlic pizza for dinner just now! it was gross and I lowk cant stand that it's in my system (iykyk) but I can't do nun abt it BUT I am starting my fast rn and it should last this whole week!! So that'll make up for this but erm IDK ahhahahaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't like talking abt eating but this is an honest journal... Should I add TWs?? Bc I rlly dont wanna I be sleepy at night which is when I'll be typing these out. Omgeee also like I've wanted to go back to being quarantine level chronically online 4ever now bc I love doing that in the summer but my dad has parental controls on all my stuff (including this laptop) so I cant go on disboard n stuff to find online friends to give me entertainment n stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!! but I FOUND A WAY YALL!! I'm just gonna be ROBLOX chronically online tho I am a robloxian already (since 2018) I want to be one of those ppl who are always on it yk (thats why I was scamming today n trynna unlag royale high) SOOO when I'm not studying I'm gonna be scamming and trading in royale high and adopt me!!! Maybe I'll try n make sum friends but rn I'm focused on the games I'm already planning on getting my dp from starpets n I have a decent halo + ltbs on rh n all my dream stuff besides 1 set n 2 accesories!! so like I'm prettyyy good but I wanna get REALLY good like those ppl who have 5 owls and 8 parrots lolz! And I literally love roblox and everyone who plays it (besides anyone with brainrot humor ironic or unironic idc) everyone else are so cool!!! So like yea and I have 30 dollars that I'm prob gonna use on robux I might try n get headless bc my mom pays me to do computer science courses and my dad pays me half of whatever my mom pays me!! Honestly I feel like journaling is sm fun rn i love talking but nobody ever listens screaming into the cyber void is so fun!!! Also I'm gonna likeeeee eat my chocolate after I shower rn probs and then my fast starts!!! ALSO omg halloween is coming up!! I'm def gonna be a vampire! If anyone enjoyed my journal tell me what your gonna be for halloween!! Omg if my journal/blog gets big I would call the ppl who read it bats!! that would be sosososo cooool ANYWAY FOLLOW ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

[psychoticwillgraham]

had to get in bed early bc as soon as I tried to play online with a friend i got nauseous as fuck and ran straight to the bathroom where i proceeded to dry heave for a minute straight bc of the screen. I’ve been neglecting my physical health ever since grandma died by not eating (not doing it consciously, everything just tastes bland or has a weird aftertaste plus there’s nothing around here to get out and even if i buy the stuff i want at the store, as soon as i go to eat it, i suddenly refuse to eat it and i feel like i don’t even have to eat and only do so once i get horrible cramps from not eating all day) and overdoing the caffeine every day for a year and a half, so it’s finally catching up to me.

neglecting my physical health for this long has finally taken its toll on me and i need to try and fix it before i actually get sick enough to end up in the hospital, but i legit don’t think i can. I can’t just force myself to eat bc i already won’t eat most things due to the texture or consistency and i cant force myself to eat the few things I actually will eat. the caffeine i can fix, and it won’t take all that long to fix it, but the eating problem? I have zero fucking clue how I’m gonna fix that.

my online friend that I video chat with every day is gonna start calling me at 6:30am every day to remind me to make myself something to eat, scrambled eggs specifically bc it’s easy to cook pretty quick and is actually good for u inline pancakes and syrup, and make sure I have a snack bag packed for work days bc if I don’t eat breakfast, I won’t be able to eat again until 12:30 when we get back in from the route and rn I can’t wait that long, so tomorrow on our weekly grocery run, I’m gonna try and get stuff that’s not sugary to snack on during the route.

I’m definitely gonna be pissed off every morning with his calling for a while bc I’m very grumpy that early, but rn I need the annoyance of it. Will I bitch and moan about it every single day? oh yeah. do I absolutely have to do it otherwise I’ll get sick? unfortunately yes, I do. I’m limiting caffeine to only in the mornings at work, and it’s just gonna be tea instead of coffee (which I already do) and limit the sweet tea at lunch, so at least I’ve got a basic plan for now. actually making myself eat tho? that’s the real challenge.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary107

12/29/2023

friday

here's a photo i found in a magazine on internet archive today that feels too apt to not put on tumblr dot com:

anyway i emailed me resume to that kbbq place.. i can't wait to wash dishes and think about killing myself every day. i already do that but it's less, i dunno, meaningful, it's just like, yeah that's something that happens sometimes. maybe it'll just be that when i wash dishes again. it probably will be. i'm just a stupid dramatic bitch.

anyway that picture is really funny, it's too much, it's probably been posted like a million times, it's such perfect fodder for what people put up here usually.

anyway here's some other stuff i was finding from old gyaru fashion mags (looking for references for cover art):

a very young girl thing of me to do, stare at fashion mags to absorb their ways of expressing / presenting reality, graphical means and so on. but i guess everybody is like that in their own ways. guys staring at old mde videos for inspiration are more young girls than me, at least i know these are kind of psycho. this is a vapid way to think but it's funny, which is why i am doing it.

mde is on the mind because my gf started watching fishtank recently. it seems mostly insane and evil, but that's fascinating to see so i get her watching it. it's the next generation of jerry springer, i think, or other shit like that. drama youtube and fishtank, that's the next generation of trashy reality tv. it's scary to me that this stuff just won't disappear, an evil impulse in spectacular societies, to not ever look away from these kinds of systems that make people behave certain ways, and to goad people into being insane to feel like you see the evil parts of culture or whatever. or not just evil, the ugly degenerate stuff, to feel like you can always sense that. fishtank really seems to love that for its 2nd season.

anyway sam hyde is such a piece of shit, too much breath here has been wasted on that freak pedophile.

anyway today, since i got to every song re: mixing finally, i decided to listen to the album as i have it rn, at first i was a little over an hour but i cut songs, now it's 48 minutes. i'll say there's room for +/- 1 min (really like 1 min 30 w/ short songs). but idk. i should see if i can shorten some of the songs here naturally, like if they have parts that repeat too much, take too long to get to their points, whatever. there's one song that's a maybe, it depends on if i can get it to sound right and find the right place for it. i love the song, so i want to keep it in the album. i should see if there's any short song rn that i don't want to keep, but i feel really attached to them all. actually there's another maybe too, both need to be placed right i think. they both kind of stick funny in the album. they need to fit in a bit better, idk how to do that w/ the second one but i like it a lot, there's just a part that's not right yet i think, in terms of how it sounds, it could be a bit crazier, louder, noisier maybe.

when i listened i took notes on some of the songs that needed special attention at the front of the record, i got through 6 of those, the list is of 8, so 2 more tomorrow and then i go through and listen again and try to see what else needs to change.

there's like 33 songs, so there's still a lot to get through but if i can maintain this pace/something like this pace, i'll be very happy.

right now i am just thinking about how my misanthropy comes in waves, but for a long time now, it's been given no reason to recede. something about pessimism is basically addictive but i don't think i'm in some mental-opiate haze, where i am, about people, at least some of them. it feels solidly under my feet, i know something totally pyrrhic, so many people i know, i have to keep asterisks on my relationships with them, because they just say awful things or reveal things. communist friends, even, maybe them especially. it's not about my feeling that i'm better even, it's just this overwhelming being used to finding out someone you know says "i'm glad (x) is transphobic too", to someone you know, a closer friend meeting someone from online. it's like, i knew he felt that way, i knew the person he was talking about felt that way too, my friend probably knew too, he is frustrated because it's stupid that anyone would decide to confide this in you. when pushed on it, this person who i guess is still basically something like a friend said "well it's because of andrea dworkin. it's feminist," which is so stupid and gross. i hate what radical feminism means now, or in the hands of people like that, i also hate that i basically know and expect this kind of thing from people who are close friends w/ this other friend (with asterisks) because she sort of becomes their whole moral/political compass because she's the kind of person who you want to agree w/ you or tell you that you're fine and whatever.

beyond this, other insane social failures that have left my friends, my closer ones who i don't have to put asterisks on, miserable and paranoid. not a terrible sort of paranoid, like this other guy i knew, who believed the satanic panic was real and all kinds of other shit. he also was vaguely transphobic, worried about the biopolitical consequences of hrt. seeing that problem and not questioning the broader circumstance that put us here, and instead accepting the reactionary assumption that this kind of thing is wasteful and dangerous from the jump, and feeding a fantasy or whatever. messing with your body is too far. he accepted people otherwise though, the paranoid guy, he was very catholic and maybe just not sure of things entirely. transphobic is ultimately only half right for these people, he really did accept people, when i told him about diy hrt, he was shocked and it seemed to change his mind on something, i couldn't tell what. but his obsession with child abuse cults and conspiracies broadly made him impossible to really talk to. he was also a communist. i am not complaining about communism, just expressing that these are not fascists.

i don't really know what i'm talking about. a lot of these people are just so frustrating. i don't know why they are like this.

i am getting tired now, so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!

[thebigsick]

venting in the safe house

if someone finds me on tumblr then i gotta end it all. just somewhere to speak my mind, hopefully find relief for the thoughts having. i keep thinking someone is coming behind me but its 12:30. i find myself in a redundant cycle of "attachment" issues with people, i want to leave the only real "friends" i have and just be myself, or just ghost everyone i know because everything so far has just been a waste of time. all the time shared with my friends was for nothing as i realize i "don't even really like them". I start thinking that and it's not real, it's not true, it's probably not honest. I see everyones lives progressing and moving in a great direction, the way id want mine to be but it feels like i just keep getting held back for a reason. i keep feeling like i have no real attachment to these people. at the end of the day, after all the things we do and say like getting food and laughing or making fun of other people, there is nothing solid between and any of them. they all wanna hang out with each other and some people just between them, but never everyone. sometimes i'm excluded and usually i get it; people do their own thing and i shouldn't be reliant on others for my happiness but they are supposed to be -my friends-. when i'm bored i talk with -my friends-, when i want to hang out i message -my friends-, when i have problems i can tell -my friends-. it's not like that tho and i get i can't have it they way "I want to", i just wish i some form of that. it feels like everyone has a much stronger bond to each other except me. i'm a loose end, it doesn't matter that much if i am there when they're hanging out or not. it seems like everyone has that thing to back to, that thing to fall back onto, that safety pad but i don't. I can't explain it that well but i will try. i don't think i'm close with anyone enough to rely on them the way everyone has/does.

i feel lonely around this time of year, it's annoying. i have been telling myself i dont need anyone for a long time, now it feels like the castle of lies ive built for myself is coming crashing down. i think someone like me, someone in my situation or in my position should have a kind of person like that, but no. idk why i think especially me but i think that would be nice. it would be great to have that sort of connection. its so late jeez work tmr too. i think ive been trying to fill my time/ keep my myself busy to avoid feeling like this. it has worked so far but it feels the effect just wore off. maybe this is a moment of weakness but the feelings have stuck with me for some time. iv'e had these thoughts many times before but never got them together and written them down. again, i wish i could tell someone i trust this instead.

my worst fear coming from this is that my friends will move on past me and hang out with each other because they are closer or have more similar personalities. i know our friends aren't perfect but it feels like their flaws are being amplified right now. i gotta brush my teeth.

ok done. my airpods are shit too. had some time to reflect and these thoughts will probably age poorly, whatever. i think i said "but" too much, its ok. i think this form of venting is helpful for me because it's like im telling someone this. i know no one is gonna see it yet it feels like the only way to could actually relieve myself from the dark room my mind is in rn. i hope it gets better. its 1am. idc we up already so long atp couple minutes cant make much difference. I wish someone was there for me emotionally. i dont think i have a "ton of baggage" but for the basic stuff. i dont know how my mom does it. just her, for years. she has more actual problems too. she is the strongest no doubt.

it doesn't seem like anyone actually wants -me-. if we are talking about making jokes, playing the game, music making talk, it's great. but when it comes to real, deep, ego-hurting feelings we all have, im a ghost. no one turns to me or think i need someone to turn to.

you know it might actually be partly my fault for not being vulnerable but that's only because i have some trust issues i think. just wish i had that one person, that ride or die, that go out "guns-a-blazin" person. im 16 now and im feeling like i might never get that person for myself. its like there was a pre-partner choosing period that i missed and now that we started, i'm stuck by myself.

im definitely not ugly or anything like that so i dont issues of that stuff, its purely rejection. lets say if i start talking to a girl i like, what i think very likely will happen will be this: we start talking, i do most of talking, the start and end of the conversation. she is clearly not interested in me but is just messaging because shes bored. she tells her friends about how i keep messaging her and dont stop. i try to move past the talking stage and she shuts it down. things are weird with us and i try to talk to someone about it and *poof*. nothing.

this music is really my main thing 🤞🏾. listening to it and making it has been there everyday for me for years. people must think i have it figured it out, right? There isn't a support system for this stuff. I MEAN theres OBVIOUSLY the "yo ur music is acc fire" comments all the time which i am honestly grateful for but it doesn't seem like anyone truly cares about this shit as much i do at all and you know, that's ok. if that was my only issue i had, id be that guy fr. it's just another thing.

i hope i find it tho, so badly, i think it would be such a positive impact on my life. maybe this music shit could get me that attention im so badly craving but probably not. is that it tho? am i just craving attention? is the lack of attention in my life effecting everything else? i hope this inspires me to go find that someone. i essentially want that special someone is what ive been trying to say this whole time but when i say it like this, i just think "wow buddy, you and everyone else".

[y99xys]

1. finish Nana, rewatch Evangelion & Cowboy bebop, watch K-On & Madoka magica

2. knee highs u_u they are purple n black >:3

3. it depends, they r not for cold weather

4. dresses, skirts n fur coats

5. boiled

6. a The Birth of Venus by Botticelli bookmark

7. black n baby blue

8. band merch

9. flower scents n vanilla

10. aesthetic

11. i alternate

12. her sense of humor

13. pen, i am committed

14. antique shops

15. i haven’t named them yet but a lot of cacti >:3

16. a zip up hoodie w a skeleton on it that can be zipped up all the way, i got it on sale 50% off n it’s been a year

17. sex pistols tshirt

18. painting of the Sistine Chapel ceiling

19. i didn’t rlly do halloween often but i always dressed up as a princess :>

20. idk i always preferred chemistry but as for math i always liked really long equations with alternating formulas, so basically algebra

21. ART NOUVEAU !!

22. hot

23. i like to sing lullabies while showering

24. i don’t have a license

25. i have 8 piercings rn n i might get a back tattoo at some point

26. i can cook better than i can bake because i haven’t really got a chance to practice baking, as for my cooking i have a food blog on twt :3 am passionate abt it

27. i actually have a lot of keychains! i have a bat n a sheep plush keychains on my backpack + my phone case has the ability to attach stuff on it so i put a little guitar keychain on it

28. i can swim but not well, not rlly

29. yes n i stole my brothers, i liked to take his star wars set but i still liked to play with my LEGO Friends sets

30. not particularly? but everything has its place, short sleeve, long sleeve, chunky sweaters, jeans, underwear n pajamas, socks

31. no time to die

32. pink!!!!! my wish since middle school ;-;

33. headphones becuz i want it advertised on my forehead “don’t talk to me”

34. yes

35. now it’s a blue bunny but when i was little i had two little lambs

36. mario kart n air hockey

37. i don’t

38. i usually overshare abt my hyper fixations to my friends, all of their knowledge about the subject matter has been acquired involuntarily + i usually hang around people who share my music taste n other artists

39. dinner

40. magnolia :)

41. pink rose (?)

42. tetris

43. lights on i am not trying to die

44. i usually tell the cashier to keep it or save it so i can give it to the street performers

45. yes

46. most metal bands n albums i listen to now

47. yes !!!!

48. yes.

49. be inside n nap or in a cafe that looks outside

50. some form of white noise (creepy pasta, classical music compilations, baby music, pink or brown noise, meditation music) my cushiony mattress, clean bedsheets, showered beforehand n did my skincare, wearing pajamas n not the clothes i crashed from the night out

50 Questions Just Because

What are three shows in your watchlist that you’ve been meaning to get to?

Describe your favorite pair of socks

Do you like smoothies?

What do you wear when you have to dress nicely?

How do you like your eggs?

What do you use to keep your place when you’re reading a book?

What color dominates your closet?

Do you collect anything? If so, what?

What sounds or scents calm you down?

What’s your favorite kind of uquiz question? (Lyric, color, aesthetic, etc)

Do you wear glasses or contacts?

What’s something about your best friend that you love?

Do you prefer to write in pen or pencil?

What are some places where you feel most at home?

Do you have any houseplants? Do any of them have names?

Describe your favorite hoodie. How long have you had it? What makes it unique?

What’s the last thing you ordered online?

What’s one historical event that you would have liked to have witnessed?

What’s your favorite Halloween costume from when you were a kid?

What kind of math are you best at?

What’s your favorite period in art history, your favorite famous work and/or your favorite style of art? If you don’t know any that’s ok!

Iced or hot drinks?

Which songs do you like to sing in the shower?

Are you a good driver?

Do you have any piercings or tattoos? Are there any that you want?

Can you cook or bake? If so, what are some of your specialties?

Do you have any keychains on your home or car keys? Describe them!

Can you swim very well? Do you like swimming?

Did you play with Legos as a kid? What was your favorite set?

Is your closet organized? If so, how?

What’s the last music video you watched?

If you could dye your hair any color, regardless of how you think it would look, what color would you choose?

Headphones or earbuds?

Can you read analog clocks?

Describe your favorite stuffed animal, either now or from when you were a kid.

What’s an arcade or table game (air hockey, ping pong, etc) that you’re really good at?

Do you mind if others are in the kitchen when you’re cooking or baking?

What’s one show you watch or musician you listen to that your friends know nothing about?

What was the best part of your day today?

What’s your favorite kind of tree?

What scent is your deodorant?

Do you have any games on your phone? If so, which one(s) is/are your favorite?

Do you shower with the lights on or off?

What do you do with spare change?

Do you have good handwriting?

What’s the last thing a friend recommended to you that you looked into and actually liked?

Do you like to go on walks?

Do you have a favorite plate or bowl?

What’s your favorite thing to do when it’s raining?

Describe your perfect sleeping conditions