#its 1 am i dont think ill sleep tonight

[alnaster]

Finals are here, but I have the worst impulse control in this entire goddamned world

[philosophicallie]

also being short in the western world is fucking humiliating and not even in a compare your appearance way. its the fucking constant lack of fitting clothing because your proportions are so fucking short because you total up to fucking FIFTY FIVE!!!! 55 inches ONLY

small sized clothing will usually still have 4-5 excess inches for fucking standardization IM NOT THE STANDARD IM A STUPID SHORT ASIAN IMMIGRANT JUST LET ME HAVE SMALLER CLOTHES WITH SOME FUCKING DIGNITY

[akaakeis]

gnawing at my nails rn i miss my bf (i dont have one) how do u pick like,,, one person to selfship with bc⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️

like there r so many options ushijima i dont even know who's my favourite character rn ushijima like guys☹️⁉️⁉️

BUT I cant wait for savyaku😼😼😼😼😼 SOCUTE

goshiki is my babey though he is sososososososososo cute and i would want him irl and i bet i could even pull him irl toooo

yk what this type of starting is called! a HOOK sentence cuz u got HOOKED and now ur reading this long ass ask. WAIT FUCJ mattsun guys hear me out here ANYWAYS. HRU SAV!!!!!!!!!!!! its 4am for yew rn right!!

anyways.. its 4pm havent had lunch yet am so fucking tired but soft rice.. soft white rice.... i want to sleep but rice....... call me basic but soft white rice is the best fucking thing in the entire world right after u. teacher gave my english composition an 80 i think ill end up on the news. i just stood up abruptly and the world went ��🌀🌀🌀 should i be worried..!!!!

THERE WAS AN OWL ON OUR ROOF THE OTHER DAY SO COOL i almost started writing akaashi hurt comfort (???) at school today but i didnt get time and now im Too Tired :(

im reading and the mountains echoed by khaled hosseini and erm. the plot is so questionable at times like wdym the guy was in love with his chauffeur wdym she tried to kill her sister and changed her mind last second so it was only paralysis but its ok bc she killed her fr next time. wdym this one girl dated her moms ex and then married her friend's ex like guys.. guys i have Questions..

IDK IF U READ JJK MANGA BUT U SHOULD READ JJK MANGA

i cant wait for ur birthday #weirdkidthings Im So Funny Guys Im So Funny

im going to sleep so hard tonight grrgrgrhrgrg i had ice cream on the way home from school YUM and then math kid era p2 i finished this one thinf before everyone else even started and the teacher asked if i did it qt home cuz wtf. ew now i remember her using her nail to create indentations in the paper and i feel nauseous my skin is crawling

WHATEVER eRmmrmrm im sitting on the stairs rn hashtag procrastination ahahahahah ive been writing this and zoninf out for the past 7 minutes yyyyyippeeee

im so tired guys let me sleeeep

my parenrs were supposed to find baby gender today but the little shit kept its legs shut and didnt let them see (just like me frl)

correction im lying on the stairs rn ..

honestly me x goshiki would be Bomb why is he so unpopular all his fics are mid or questionable so far,,,, anyways. konoha is so beautiful i would want him excpet i have like no grip on his character so #tweaks. i hate andrew tate so fkn much. i cant wait till i turn 16 idk i feel like life will be significantly cooler then. anyways bb i take my leave gotta go eat lunch

i hope youve eaten by the time ur reading this!!! stay hydrated and safe and dm me to be silly together whenever >:]]]]] i hope u have a WONDERFUL day sav!! ily <3

look at my man hes so gorgeous btw

alina... bf... :D alright then! umumumummm honestly there were many characters that i wanted to do a selfship with but i didnt want to be self shipping with the same character that someone im following consistently self ships with LMAO cause i feel like it gets weird for me at that point cause all the hcs in my head get mixed up? ANYWAY i just think of selfships with any character im hyperfixating on at that very moment... in fact my selfship very well may change!!!

anyway since im replying after you decided on yuulina... NOYA AGHHH U GUYS WILL BE SO CUTE TOGETHER!!! IM UR NO 1 SUPPORTER THIS IS YUULINA SUPPORT CENTRAL‼️‼️‼️

savyaku sounds so funny i need to thank of something that sounds better stop rn 💔 BUT I LOVE HIM SO SO SO SO SO MUCH IM SUPER EXCITED TO DO SOME SELFSHIP STUFF :))

u would so pull goshiki irl 🙂‍↕️

HELP thanks for the english lesson lina 😭 those terms always make me shudder because they were drilled into my head in my college comp class it was horrifying. and NO not mattsun i do NOT approve of that at this point in time!!!! AND IM OKAY!! tired as hell and i have 3 projects to work on <3 (i stacked my classes this year, im not proud.) IT IS NOW 3 PM AS I ANSWER THIS ASK SO SORRY IT TOOK ME LIKE 12 HOURS WOAH

honestly u were probably tired because you didn't eat but i digress... AND SOFT WHITE RICE HAS MY HEART IT MAY BE AN ASIAN THING?? and awh stawp😋 ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE ENGLISH TEACHER THAT YOU CORRECTED IN CLASS? THE ONE THAT CANT SPEAK AS WELL AS YOU?? insanity 😨 i may end up on the news as well. AND YOURE PROBABLY HUNGRY AND DEHYDRATED GO EAT AND DRINK WATER IF YOU HAVENT ALREADY WHAT??? PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!

WHAT AN OWL ON THE ROOF THATS SUPER COOL!! bro i love owls :( and ugh i get what u mean i feel like sometimes the time just slips away... but its okay! you'll have time at some later date <3 make sure you rest enough!!

guys what my jaw just dropped?? THOSE WERE THE MOST RANDOM PLOT POINTS YOU COULDVE LEFT ME WITH. NOW IM JUST CONFUSED? KINDA WANNA READ IT NOW (my readlist has 100+ books on it)...

AND IVE READ SOME OF IT BUT IM NOT UP TO DATE RN I HAVENT HAD MUCH TIME TO CATCH UP RECENTLY

im excited for your bday too!! im trying to math away the time differences in my head so like i would dm at 12 pm the day before your bday so i would catch u at midnight i THINK.

i hope u are having an AMAZING sleep rn alina!!! and u are so smart <3 barf ur teacher needs to stop doing that thats lowk unsanitary? in my book

HELP ME NOT THE JS LIKE ME FR 😭😭 hopefully u guys are able to figure out the gender soon!! im so excited for you guys <33

goshiki is under appreciated as a character honestly and i think its cause of his fuckass haircut 😭 NO OFFENSE TO YOU WHATSOEVER IM SORRY!! HES CUTE BUT THE HAIR IS NOT FOR ME. when i saw him shirabu AND tendou i was like "what the HELL is wrong with shiratorizawa they are all fucked" no they werent they had semi and ushijima BUT THAT WAS FIRST IMPRESSION ANYWAY also konoha UGRHSHSBNDMSJABD hes so!!! so!!! yeah!!! i love him sm... also how did we get on the topic of andrew tate hes such a weird guy i dont like him 💀 AND SO REAL im excited to be 16 <3

AND I HAVE!! make sure u eat something nutritious before school! and drink some water!! i hope your day is lovely <3 ily!!

[minkkumaz]

I JUST DIED OMG MY FRIEND. dude omg bro okay dude so like dude bro!!!

my friend has been dating this guy right, and she had their first kiss like literally yesterday (i SWEAR im going somewhere w this) but basically she asked him to whistle and yk when u whistle you pucker out your lips?? SHE STRAIGHTUP LIKE KISSED HIM.

idk if this counts as a request but i swear it isnt u dont have to reply to this if it seems like one!! 😭😭

but omg what would the bonedos reaction be. LIKE I CAN SEE JAEHYUN EITHER STUCK IN THE 😗 FACE OR HES JUST LIKE 😧.

-🍉

STOP IT YOUR FRIEND IS SO BOLD OMG can she give me tips on how to rizz up yungyu like that🤔🤔

also i love love the bonedo boys with that, i dont consider this much of a req especially if im not formatting it all aesthetically HAHA so ill give u a little smidge here ^_^

also sorry if i went overboard or its bad LMAOO its like midnight almost 1 am here💔💔

sungho :

- this man is obsessed with you and he would quite literally do anything for you.

- he definitely didnt want to rush into kissing because he believes in the art of slow burn

- and though he would never admit to it he does really want to kiss you

- "sunghoooo do you know how to whistle? i've been trying to learn all day.."

- "darlings it's easy, you basically pucker your lips like this and-"

- you lean in to land a soft kiss on his lips, interrupting his train of thought

- i think bro feels like he just got hit with a heat wave bc he didn't know he could blush this much

- at first he wanted your guys first kiss to be special, but your quirky charm and tactics you used to get him right where you wanted him is what made him fall in love in the first place

- "gahh you're so cute darling, i might have to teach you to whistle more often."

riwoo :

- i don't think riwoo is the type to initiate a first kiss, not unless he was pep talked by jae or something (come on, jae is everyones wingman)

- he loves you so much, and i know as soon as that first is out of the way he will not be able to stop kissing you

- it's kinda early in the morning and today you are going with riwoo to the studio!

- birds are chirping, singing their lil song, which gives you an idea; very sudden, but an idea

- "riwoo you kinda remind me of a bird."

- "what's that supposed to mean?" he pouts.

- "nothing bad! you're just so cute whenever you are all smiley and singing its like a little bird tweeting. bet you could whistle like one too."

- "i think my singing is probably better than my whistling." he looks over at you to demonstrate, but you're already looking right back at him!

- taking him aback slightly, you plant a little kiss on his puckered lips then quickly skip ahead of him

- hes very dumbfounded, but already plotting in his head how he's going to attack you with kisses (in private, doesnt give me much of a pda guy besides holding hands ^^;)

jaehyun :

- this man has been secretly plotting against you to catch you in the most perfect first kiss ever

- unlike woonhak, he wants to kiss u with permission.. and on ur adorable lips (referencing the funnextdoor vid where he kisses woons head LMAOO)

- little does he know you're also planning to outsmart his ass

- the two of you are playing a game on the console in the living room, getting slightly competetive

- "if i win you have to sing me to sleep tonight!" you say mashing on the keys of your controller

- "babyyy you know i already do that for you."

- "guess i got you wrapped around my finger then!" you smile, passing the finish line with a big '1ST PLACE' on your screen.

- "this game is rigged!"

- "less talking more singing pretty boy" you snuggle yourself into the makeshift bed on the couch, jae on the floor with his back against the bottom part, looking up at you.

- "okay what song?"

- "the one i like with the whistling in the beginning."

- as jaehyun puckers out his lips to start, you lean in quickly to catch a kiss

- he has zero reaction, maintaining the same face you caught him in, before his jaw dropped

- you were giggling so hard as he gets up from his spot on the floor to heave himself on top of you

- "i was supposed to initiate our first kiss, babyyy!" he whines, leaning in to kiss your lips again

taesan :

- bro wants to actually kiss you so bad

- im a firm believer in down bad taesan

- and he really wants to kiss you

- but he doesnt want to make you uncomfortable, so whenever he finds himself pulling up your chin to look at him, he only smiles and pulls away

- part of you wanted him to kiss you, but you had a slightly better idea

- taesan was on the floor customizing a pair of shoes. he was whistling quietly to himself before stopping

- "hey what was that tune you were whistling? sounded pretty."

- "you're prettier, but it was just something i came up with last night." he responds fondly.

- you came and sat next to him on the floor, admiring his work.

- "can you do it again please?"

- "only for you love."

- he begins whistling, and you let him for a second because of how gorgeous the tune sounds

- but before you know it, youre pulling up his chin with the infinite rizz you have and kissing him on the lips

- BUT NO. he doesnt let you pull away

- he just smiles into the kiss, pulling you closer to him (and probably getting paint on the back of your head)

leehan :

- i think bro would be easiest to trick with this

- i feel like it might be obvious where i'm gonna go with this.. LMAO

- i am an avid supporter of the leehan fish prince agenda

- he is so in love with you, just as much as his fishies in his little aquarium

- one day you come visit him in the dorms, walking in to see him just admiring the small fish

- he sees the movement of your reflection in the glass, so when you come sit next to him he isn't very shocked

- "you're so interesting when you admire your tank."

- "am i?"

- "yup, you're starting to look like one too."

- "hey! taesan told me that yesterday."

- "give me your best fish face to really seal the deal," you giggle, "kinda like you're whistling!"

- he obliges, pursing his lips into a little kissy face, before you can lean your own lips against his!

- bros entire life played in his head he almost lost his chill guy persona

- leehan was staring at you with so much fondness as he was zoning out you almost got a little worried

- "hannie- hannie!"

- "you are so perfect, y/n." he grins, pulling you into another kiss (in front of his fish children smh)

woonhak :

- this might be a hot take but i think woonhak is similar to riwoo when it comes to first kisses. unless jae is there to hype him up he wont do it

- of course he wants to kiss you, he enjoys affection and god especially when it's with you

- nothing you could ever do would make him look away, you're just so you.

- on a fine ol day, you're sitting with him at the park hanging out!!

- both of you are kinda stuttery, but the conversation ends up flowing fast. neither of you know whether this hangout is considered as your first date as a couple, hence the nervousness

- nonetheless, you are both laughing and just enjoying each others company

- but NO!! you want something a tad bit more

- "hey this might be a weird question but erm-- can you whistle for me?"

- "oh-- yeah of course! what for?"

- "you'll see!" you squeak out

- woon is slightly skeptical, but follows through anyways, puckering his lips to start whistling, before nothing is able to leave his lips!

- a roadblock warning he didnt see: your own lips!

- the kiss is fast, but bro is stunned

- mrs rabbit has fainted

- mrs rabbit has fainted again

- he is lowkey stressed a little, but it turns into relief. smiling so wide the whole neighborhood could see <3

[predoom]

ohoneohone

Sunday, October 23rd, 2005 9:42 am you see that kid... its not me, its you. blow out the candles on caring. encounters yesterday: went to paul walls jewelry shop. pretty insane. then when we played jared leto came over and watched. radio shows are wack. encounters today: the gold medal gymnast from the 2004 olympics is coming to hang out with me. pretty insane. why would you ever want to meet a boy like me. i am boring. you make it easier to make the decisions that i do. i turned off the switch that cares. i watch lots of movies and take lots of naps. cause i am a baby. i am gonna be in the academy video for black mamba. i can't tell you how excited that makes me. Wednesday, October 19th, 2005 11:48 pm ill be on time for that, i cant think of a line that rhymes with that blue looks better than jealousy. im awake but not up. you know what i mean. blew the speakers out like a candle. drowned out my sorrows in a wet dream. i miss you but only in flashing moments. new stuff over at buzznet. people been asking about the prices. honestly we charge what it costs us to make. alot of the stuff lately has been cut and sew or requires hand stitching which is expensive. so we try to keep the stuff really limited, so that it stays special. the bags sold out in a day. we won't be making anymore of that particular bag. but we will be making more limited bags and other items. Tuesday, October 18th, 2005 4:48 pm i, peter lewis kingston wentz, solemnly swear... im trying to figure it out. my head moves way faster than my mouth. i went to a party at chris from nsnyc's house for a party. it was about as good/bad as you would think. except dirty was there. so factor that one in. always up or down, never down and out.

the new nightmare of you record is fantastic. it makes me think of winters at home. love it or leave me. Sunday, October 16th, 2005 12:45 pm baby, im just bad news i don't know if it feels real been watching halloween movies lately to get me in the mood taking lots of naps its easier this way she wont ever love you the way she loves me youre not pretty enough and you dont make her heart beat been hiding messages in morse code and anagrams banging my wrist against the edge of the keyboard until it turns black and blue we're all settling all the time panic! at the disco makes me want to start this all over again coversations with you make me want it to never have begun at all nick plan and william beckett are on the list in one form or another always if you dont have your friends than you dont got shit and my friends are gold halloween is gonna be the best this year i think ive never been in california on halloween- it once was, but it hasnt been for a really long time spent most of the morning on the phone with my mommy cause she can always slow my breathing down you can get used to anything after a while even this, pete pretty boys for secret girls later skater Wednesday, October 12th, 2005 12:02 pm ill make you shake so hard you might not make it through the night new york city is fucking insane. get me. bruisa. fall makes me remember and want love.

okay okay cause i should:

1. you say crazy shit in your sleep, like about us living in old milwaukee. 2. right this second "wonderwall" sometimes star wars. 3. i dunno cherry coke flavored. 4. sugar tail, freckles in your eyes, basement windows, braces 5. new years on the windowsill. 6. uh kind of in a weird way the retriever head on the beagle body. just the nicest dog ever. 7. that one bane lyric, im pretty sure its a question. but mostly lately- what happened to my best friend?

nick york city. the clan party last night was rightious. im kinda going other places. feeling it. quit sleeping on it cause im the life. from the back of my legs to the back of my neck- im so glad there are people out there who won't let me fall off the face of the planet.

young.

panic at the disco at the knitting factory in new york tonight- 5pm. Tuesday, October 11th, 2005 12:57 am you remind me of this one movie. it makes me smile. but not with my mouth and way too many teeth. but with my eyes. trouble loves me. but you do way more. im dreaming on highway lines and phone hang-ups. just happy to be me. for one second.

i got a sweet vest and some teddy bear shoes. im good for cuddling. youre gonna have to trust me on that one. Sunday, October 9th, 2005 7:38 pm sometimes its hard to remember the great moments. but you remember everything to a detail the moment everything goes wrong. your ims are crazy: i am still not dead or married. im bringing home on the road.

silly. never ccccchhhhange. 12:12 pm you could almost make me an honest man. what i have spent the weekend thinking:

good friends in nyc sometimes my eyes are red and green but not like christmas. just kind of a mess. even when the worlds underwater you're rowing in my wet dreams. everything you know about me is totally wrong because it comes from choruses and camera flashes. you come in flashes in the middle of the night or in the morning. fix me in fourtyfive. everything she thinks you know about me is totally wrong because i can't say anything i mean ever. i say things just to hurt you. i get the job done but it doesn't look pretty. Saturday, October 8th, 2005 12:24 am you win some, you lose some sometime you wake up in the morning and everything is just different. moodcontroller gets turned off. probably on by someone else. the bottom of my pants are wet from running through puddles. the streets of albany got let in on some of my secrets. swoon. its weird how when you stand next to the sun you cant notice anything else. then the lights go out and all of a sudden there is beauty everywhere. im always too little, too late. one day everyone finds something they can hang on to. the bottom line is im all wishes and luck. and thats how its always been. in the tides of the streets. dreaming about beautiful babies. with batting eyelashes and huge eyes. we were never supposed to know. im the golden boy. you are my golden ticket. but the tides always going out. and two months turns into two years. in the blink of an eye. youre never home. the stars look the same from the gutter. pens running low just to keep up with the tolerance. ive got big plans for new years. and thats a way off but its the only way to keep my mind off of the way things go. just know "you're not the lifeforce" pete and thats what keeps heartsbeating at night. i only thought you were someone else. a simple case of mistaken identity. romantic fraud. new york city. im always on. Wednesday, October 5th, 2005 4:40 pm hateitorloveit-theunderdogisbackontop sickest afterparty in newyorkcity. hopefully i can fly a friend or two in so i dont hide out in the corners all night. nick thinks my lj entries have been kinda wack lately. i can't say i dont agree. i am a total baby. but not a baby like usher sings about. we're making some super sick limited bartskull nikes. im tired as usual. rumor of the day: i pretty much only like sxe girls. you make me laugh too much with the stuff that gets written on the internet sometimes. my life is radical sometimes. maybe ill really update this later. i dont even know. congratulations to panic at the disco for having the sickest first week numbers ever. that band is the new everything. late at night thats pretty much what i have to listen to or i dont feel okay. this morning i got a strange phonecall to end a strange dream. bane. Tuesday, October 4th, 2005 9:22 pm "someday we'll be nostalgic for this second..." im tired. red thread. baby blues. im a mess. lovable, not that likeable. lemme hum you a sweet one. i know ive been in a rut. the underdogs back on top. im writing this story. but i wouldnt bet on the ending. sometimes this thing has become too big to even think about. but sometimes i wake up in the morning and it feels like something is missing. youknowyouknow. 6:57 pm the secret to my suckcess pinchme. dear friends, you let me fall off. i forgive you though. if you forgive me. i am out of my head. me and nick have cooked up the sickest idea ever. i am writing a movie with patrick. my tummy hurts most of the time. major disappointment, reporting for duty. wtf. sometimes OMG! i heart the drama. sometimes OMG! i do not. like emeralds just past the sun- green but not the sick inside more like the film warming up to you. the camera is waking up. little boys and girls- get up. the trouble has lifted. youre gonna be okay. "tell me that you're alright". i like wearing your clothes. they are like a bulletproof vest. mostly i miss my friends and chicago. i want to bring you all out on the road.

"...idonthavetobethekingoftheworld, as long as im..."

peace out. i need to take a nap and eat some icecream. i bought nicholas scimeca a present. im tired. act suprised, even if you're not. fake the words. say i love you hard like you hate me. Saturday, October 1st, 2005 4:48 pm life on mars by david bowie reminds me of you the dreams i have for me are just for us. i am not sure i even know what this means. the pros and con are the same. legs tangled. its the kid you loved forever. i got a feeling what they're all saying. under the spotlight you think about the inside of wedding rings. in dark bunks you think about the inside of zippers. make me yours. make me come to life. honestly. black hair and batted eyelashes. dont give up im not sure where this is all going. right on reds and at altars. thinking about the way you are with the little pudgy boy. im getting this sweet tat. she knows what im talking about. Sunday, September 25th, 2005 7:29 pm the spaces in your hand were designed to fit my fingers dear world,

i have actually been sleeping late. i think it's not cause i am depressed. rather i just need to catch up on a couple of years. i think that the last while of my life is perfectly represented in the movie "closer". not to have a whine tasting... but. the point of saying that is more- i got the chance to show some of my friends our new video the other day. and in watching it, i am really stoked that one story comes through. there is this girl in it and she loves this guy just for who he is. and they aren't the prettiest or the coolest- but the thing they have is awesome. and perfect. it made me smile to see it come across. demar for pres. 2008. my bestfriend left town yesterday. totes devistation. summer bummer. blender is throwing a little afterparty that william beckett will be djing. if youre on the g-list you will be dancing. i am going to corpse bride tonight. i lost my crackers seeing p!atd live. they gave me the balls to make some decisions. im thinking about having all my body hair waxed off because it seems particularly offensive. you dont even wanna see what ive got planned for halloween.

preview: www.infect.buzznet.com bi curious: www.clandestine.buzznet.com

my body isnt yours anymore so you dont have a say in what i do with it. im this creature that resembles me but im something different.

[pwblogarchive]

February 2008

February 3, 2008

“Try lying for a change, it's the currency of the world.”

its oddly haunting the way that sometimes entries from a year ago can reflect perfectly how i feel today.

its like an echo sent out over the weeks and months and pages of the calendar.

not always but sometimes.

a few weeks ago i considered mentioning the fact that while i once wrote "every new years is worse than the last" i didnt feel that way anymore

oh eight had broken the january curse

now im glad i didnt

cuz i realized it might not have

it may have just pushed it back a month

or extended it, depending on how this all looks on play-back

i find it a bit odd to be waiting for retrospect

Posted by xoat 10:41 PM

February 12, 2008

“honestly, afraid. i cant ever sleep either.”

Put the the planets in swing

Make jupiter sing

The afternoon light

Ignites

The back of my head

Spend years trying to cloud our head and not feel a thing

Just to turn around and erase the clouds so we can remember everything

Throw handcuffs on that boy

When the check comes he never pays

His cheekbones carve my moods

He shakes like a leaf

He's clicking like an old answering machine

He howls at the moon

He's breathes wet thru insect eyes

Canyon lights at night chase away the boring days

And I don't worry about death because I've seen the date I'm gonna die and its so far away.

Posted by xoat 1:55 AM

February 16, 2008

“part two (i forget so much of what i write its beginning to scare me).”

hes a lonely planet

dont stir and wake

everythings ok

give or take

the cats got the canary spinning in its ribcage

did i mention i came dressed for the intervention

(and if you were dying soon would you try to find snow in the deep summer

the june bugs dancing in wonder

and i still wonder now

if my words will stil turn you inside out)

hes a honeyjar

with that pretty face, lets never lose the lid

and keep those rosey lips in

(he breathes wet through insect eyes)

in multiples of four, no less than sixteen

sandmans been showing his beam

when he walks into a room the walls lean in to listen

keep a calendar this way youll know the last time you came through

oh.

"i know what youre going through"

well i dont- its more of a "paper or plastic" grocery store choice to me

but ill sympathize with anything to get through to you

do you know what its like to watch reruns of yourself night after night

to offer nothing and expect everything in return

to cock your head just right to appear arrogantly humble

if we hurry well make the morning edition

cos everybody likes to read the bad news

theyve tapped the phone be very careful what you say

speak in code about singing birds and sleepy eyed women

his heads a junkyard for rusted midnight thoughts

hes criminally carefree

when the pills swallow the worry

hes digging like forty nine

hes making you press rewind

hes a thunderstorm so bright you shut your eyes

he is a hurricane

Posted by xoat 3:15 AM

February 18, 2008

“mc hammer and miss piggy bank”

i get bright ideas in dark rooms

red rooster combs on our head

we are galaxies

a catipillar that got stuck

mr moth come quick with any luck

long walk in a dark house

a roman candle heart

keep us far apart

tour is just thinking you have been in every hotel, club or truck stop before.

it is deja vu personified.

all full of love so much that my teeth are floating.

February 19, 2008

“the oxidation of Joan of Arc.”

the mind drinks less and less.

impatience.

highways full of crowds going somewhere, somewhere, somewhere, nowhere.

The gasoline refugee.

Towns turn into motels,

people in nomadic surges from place to place,

following the moon tides,

living tonight in the room where you slept this noon and I the night before.

Posted by xoat 12:31 AM

[oceanwavesproteinshakes]

Sobriety diary update

Started eating more or less regularly again, and todays the first day im tracking my calories again too, just about cleaned my room to about 1/3rd of what i want to end up with to order my new furniture and such, ill throw out the last of the bottles from my binge, some boxes i had randomly laying around and then ill be done with that for today and do some more tomorrow. Plus im gonna do some laundry tonight. Planning to workout Tomorrow again to get back into my routine and not lose any gains, im feeling physically almost well again. Still have a massively bruised ego to be honest tho. Im nervous to tell my friends and Family about this properly but i have to do it, no fucking backing out because i want no repeats of the shit show that happened last week. But im starting to look forward again. I also realized how terribly ive been doing recently mentally. I couldnt manage to clean my room in ages despite always having been pretty house proud and enjoying having a nice atmosphere in my space, have barely talked to anyone outside of school/work and had trouble sleeping. Im always pressuring myself to do better, i get a 1,6 in a test and am dissapointed cause its not a 1,0. Even if im walking from a to b with enough time i feel like somethings chasing me and tell myself i need to be faster and how slow i am until my lower legs are burning. I have to learn to use my energy more wisely because the 200% on Everything have been burning me out and ive been stretching myself too thin. Even now i can tell im desperate to achieve more and more with no mistakes or weaknesses. I dont think i know how to relax.

[salaciousslut]

At this point in time youre an hour ahead of me, im in one of those weird places that doesnt have daylight savings so i'll fluctuate between 1-2hrs behind you 🫣 and I should just start sending you good morning messages when i wake up during the middle of the night☺️

Its more than okay, found it cute tbh🤭 And come over then, sweetheart. I'd love to let you relax in my arms and hold you my pretty princess<3

I'm the same way when it comes to the expectations i set for myself. Im glad that you also hold the space to feel upset/disappointed i feel like its such an important step for processing stuff. And im excited for you to be able to go out with your friends and let loose after your exam!

My day's been kinda hectic each time i check the time i think about running off to the bathroom to say hi. Its a little rough though since everyone's over where im at so i cant even check with my brightness lowered. I hope youre also taking care of yourself today sweetheart<3 im only halfway through work but i'll try to check in again before the end of the day :)

hihihi!!! i see!! thats not too bad tho!! very very doable, and if my knowledge about geography i think i kinda know ur general area hehehe

yes if thats okay 🫣 dont get too worried if i respond in the middle of the night too bc we both have a hard time sleeping

your pretty princess 🥺��im gonna need to hear u say that some day bc it made my lil heart flutter a bit. i need cuddles too! im soo sleepy and needy today

we changed out plans for tonight so now we are having a girls night in with drinks and painting!!! so yay drinking but make it affordable!! i wish u could join us so i can sit in ur lap!!

im sorry work has been busy!! i am!! im playing games with my friends and chillin in bed so its fun!!! ill be thinking of you handsome

[blackvail22]

9/24/23 — 1:10am

theres a lot that happened within the past two days its insane. on the 22nd, i had to train this new associate for the whole day. he's rlly nice, and he's fun to talk to. he caught on really quick! im excited to work with him

also, that same day, i got back with my ex!!! it could be a dumb decision (because this is the 3rd time) but i really want things to work out. again, no one is going to know besides you... and... my coworkers, but thats different

the coworker that gave me his number, he gave me a note at work that says "im awkward so i dont know how to say this out loud, but i like you" and then taped a soda tab on it (it was the "hug" meaning one, which... i dont like but could be worse). so! ive told the new associate i have a boyfriend. im going to tell them i have a boyfriend, but im telling those im closest to at work that its because i dont want my worker to hit on me anymore

if he keeps going after that, i have to report him. im not letting someone get away with that, not this time.

i have to start standing up for myself... im just scared because of that teenager who got killed because she rejected her (adult) co-worker, im afraid its going to be me. this is the reason i dont like hearing abt death.

on another note, back to abt my boyfriend....

im writing this as soon as i ended the call with him. i miss him already. i wonder how and why my brain changes how i react to things because of a label. i feel so clingy. i want to talk to him more. he does make me happy, and i hope i make him happy too

oh, i also bought this candle... its supposed to "smell like london" and it says the scent is "afternoon biscuits and tea" so thats nice. i bought it to think of you, nd its nice that the color of the candle matches my room

oh last thing ! i took my permit drivers test and i passed it! feels so surreal because i never thought i was ever gonna end up driving but here we are lol

anyways i like this song

6:06am —

dude i couldnt fall asleep until like 4:30am and my mom woke me up at 5:30, screaming at me to find something i didnt have!!! i found it! and it was in her bag, a place she didnt look (because she only looked one place!!!!!!) at least i can sleep now, but idek if i can do that because i feel awake now. im going to sob. FUVKKK I HAVE A HEADACHE AND SINUS PAIN NOW IM GOING TO CRY DUDE. and the fact that she walked up the stairs to scream at me (she never walks up the stairs)???? ooo. im so mad bro! like im going to wake up whenever i have my alarms set and im going to punch a wall because i cant sleep without getting interrupted. IM PISSED TF OFF NOW bevause i havent had adequate sleep since my last off day (a week ago) and i dont have a lot of sleep for tomorrow because i have to wake up at 6am for an appointment thats 2hrs away. sure, ill sleep in the car, but with my mom? she wont let it happen. and i dont have another off day untl thursday, and i cant sleep in for that one either becahse i have another goddamn appointment in the morning. like, is this what being an adult is? being harrassed by coworkers, never having enough sleep, never able to fall asleep.... it cant be cause those all haopened when i was a teenager too. stuck in that cycle, though, and i cant wait for that cycle to finally end.

bad things always tend to happen to me. is it because i bring bad energy? AHHHHHHH i just need to scream cry

i am going to try to sleep now. I've rambled on for way too long

11:17pm

been incredibly sad today. i think it was my lack of sleep, or maybe it was my mom yelling at me and waking me up. still, my heart feels so ... heavy. i cant help but feel bad for people who love me. if i was them, i would choose anyone else to love endlessly. im undeserving of it all, anyway. i dont feel happy tonight. i hope tomorrow's better. i dont know what changed and made me feel this way because when i woke up and went to work, everything was fine until half way through my shift. it didnt really effect me, but them saying "oh, fun's over.. [my name]'s in a bad mood again.. everyone get away" keeps playing in my mind. it didnt affect me then, so i dont know why i keep thinking about it

i just want to fit on my roof and look at the moon, but its been rising really early so i dont think ill be able to see it now. ill watch some livestreams from space of the earth/the moon instead. something to comfort me while listening to music. i havent been able to watch any videos all the way through recently.. havent even been able to watch those gaming streams i like. hopefully ill feel better before i go to sleep

[kyxstar]

hey tumblr!!

i had my last band practice today. the show is tomorrow at some lounge or wtv. the genre were doing is glam rock. i liked the music and got to know some cool people. im gonna be honest, im not 100% ready for the show but i know im not going to do that bad. other people in the show, dont really know about but they should be straightening out their kinks tonight. as for my own music, i snuck out last night at like 1 am and went to some park a couple blocks from my house to play a bit. since ive been busy with said upcoming show, i havent gotten much play time. if im completely honest tho, i did put aside my bass for a bit to work on the song but the past week ive been working on what i needed to for the show. i think theres like 12 songs in all; theres 3 other bassists so im on 4 songs. im playing Panama, Sweet Emotion, Live Wire, and Killer Queen. the show is mid afternoon so i might have some time to practice before. my friend is sleeping over and we are doing a movie marathon (watching a bunch of movies back to back) so im not really practicing now like i planned. im excited for next show since im doing classic metal. im gonna see some friends from my first show last year so its gonna be really fun. practice starts monday for that. im not very focused in writing this since im watching Interstellar but ill update tmrw!!

wish me luck^^

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

ooh!! (also congrats on new apartment!! am handing u blueberry muffin as housewarming gift >:]) hmm i think. good thing that happened today... oh oh oh ok a boba place opened like RIGHT on my block yesterday!! like literally less than a block away from me. so i walked over there & got taro bubble tea! and. then got back home and listened to cr3 for uhhh a solid six hours <3 (just finished e5!!! >:) v good afternoon. also say hello to loki for me pls ;-;

AW NICE that sounds so cool !!! I am also listening to critrole rn fun fact :] trying 2 catch up to campaign 2 still (I am onnnnn. ep 104 👀)

as promised here is ur loki picture:

fuckin SLEEPY. he found a stick by the pond while we were on our walk earlier n carried it ALL THE WAY back to the dog park so we could run around with it off-leash :] now he is sleebin

[m-jelly]

hey jelly! congrats on 2k WHOOOOOP 🥳🥳🥳

can i request the scenario of ‘i want to try…’ where its a mix of nsfw and fluff please? so levi has been wanting to try for a baby for a really long time and finally confesses it to reader and obv we say yes and there like ’well why not start rn 😏😏😏’ LOL i dont mind if this is voice mail or text ill leave that up to you, thank u!!!!💖💖💖

Thank you so much!

You sure can have a little mix of the two. Baby talk is cute and a broody Levi is even better!

I'll it in text <3

1)I want to try...

Levi texts you about something he's been thinking about for a while, trying for a baby. You both talk it over by text and tell Levi that he should come home early so you can start right away.

Levi: Sweetheart? Are you free?

You: Yeah. I just put out the laundry in the garden to try in the sun. I love how good they smell. I'm going to sit down and sun myself for a bit.

Levi: That sounds wonderful.

You: It's really nice. Be nicer if you were here.

Levi: It would.

You: Did you want to ask me something?

Levi: I do and I'm a bit nervous to do so.

You: Take your time, hun. Honesty and feeling safe are important, we mentioned them when we exchanged our vows. You can tell me and ask my anything, but do it in your time. Don't feel pressured, okay? I love you no matter what.

Levi: I love you too. I love you deeply.

You: You're my handsome hubby ❤️

Levi: Perfect wife. ❤️

You: I can't believe it! You used an emoji for the first time! We should celebrate.

Levi: Cheeky.

You: I am.

Levi: I want to try for a baby.

Levi: I've been thinking about it for a while now. I want a family with you. I want to have kids and I want to try for a little one. I want to be a dad.

You: Do you mean all that?

Levi: I do. Every word.

You: Thank you for telling me.

Levi: Do you want a baby?

You: I have been craving to get pregnant by you and make you a daddy. I want to be a mummy too. I want to have a mini you or me. I want to have a home filled with love.

Levi: Really? You want to try for a baby? When?

You: Well why not start right now 😏 Come home from work early and fill with with your cum.

Levi: Now?

You: Don't you want to? I want you. I want you to fill me.

Levi: Fuck. I want that too. I'm going to fill you over and over again as soon as I get home. We're not sleeping tonight.

You: Good. I don't want to sleep. I just want you. ❤️

Levi: I'm on my way. See you soon ❤️

You: I'll be in the bedroom waiting ❤️❤️❤️

Select the link to take part in the 2K event

[secretsniper3]

Part 1: Sleep Tight

I approach my Master as he sits at his computer, tray in hand with Masters tea, as he instructed and how he likes it, placing the tray down while ignoring the moans from the porn on his screen i instead drop to my hands and knees and crawl under his desk, his cock already rigid and waiting for my mouth i open his pants slowly, hands in i grasp his cock. Masters cock isnt as thick as some other men, but its long enough to go down my throat and stop me breathing and his crazy stamina, no man has fucked me for hours and came multiple times in my pussy and ass before and Master earned my life mere weeks later.

Mouth opening  to welcome Masters amazing cock it slides in carefully, if Master feels teeth after all my training ill be a mockery to him, tongue coddling him lovingly he slides down my throat and i begin my favourite task, emptying Masters heavy balls. With the skills he hammered into me it only takes me just under 2 minutes to suck out any softness remaining and make him cum down my waiting throat, slamming my mouth to the base of his cock with his full length in me i feel it, Masters cum! His delicious cum flowing down and eventually his cock stops pumping and thats cue for me to resume pumping, Pulling back to suck on his head i eagerly swallow his length again and again, 1 minute later im rewarded once again.

Pumping his 5th load down my eager throat i can taste his cum coating my tongue, i never thought id love the taste of cum this much but after being trained by Master its almost a delicacy to me now! Feeling tired and well fed after my reward i lick my lips clean and look up to my Master.

“May i go to bed, Master?” I ask quietly. Master looks down with a smile on his face. “Of course you can, we just need to get you ready, lets get you ready.”

Rolling back in his chair Master leads me to the kitchen where Master gives me some vitamins to take with a glass of water, since cum isnt something you can live on alone, for someone on a mostly cum diet supplements are crucial. Leading me once again Master walks off to my room, its more of a place where the clothes and restraints Master bought for me are kept, not like a standard bedroom at all anymore. Walking to the wardrobe I cant help but wonder what ill be wearing tonight and my eyes widen as Master turns around holding my ultimate slave suit, a latex bodysuit. I fight back the urge to plead not to wear it as the simple act of touching latex, any latex anywhere after all the training Master put me through gets my pussy wet almost instantly, and with extended contact, will make me cum without any external stimulation.

Pushing me onto the bed i raise my legs and Master begins sliding the suit on, the sensation is already incredible but i know better than to cum without permission, or my obvious pleasurable night will be swapped for a torturous night in the basement. Before sliding past my thighs Master instructs me to stand and bend over the bed, as i do Master slides a large, heavily lubbed dildo up my ass, followed by 5 vibrating eggs slipping inside my pussy and a ring on my clit to expose it from the hoods embrace, the bodysuit covering it all tightly. The sensation is unbelievable, my exposed clit rubbing on latex directly, I cant resist and grasp my breast with my hand only to have it immediately pulled back down beside my body.

“Naughty, naughty my dear, can you not control yourself?” Master says with a smile, knowing full well I couldn't stop yourself. “sorry master” I reply weakly.

Pushing the wires to my inserted toys through a small gap in the pants just over my mound, Master continues to encase me in its tight embrace. Covering my breasts and my solid, sensitive nipples I gasp out as they get pressed into my supple breasts without a pause. I raise my arms and further my latex addicted body’s torment by subjecting my arms to its tight embrace. Reaching deep to the base my fingers meet the goal and Master pulls the latex over my shoulders, it isnt over yet. As Master slowly pulls the zipper up my spine I shudder alone with the movements till it reaches my neck. A latex hood is next, oh god I though it couldn't get any worse, or better. I still dont know how to process the sensations I was feeling.

Pulling my long red hair through the hood, the latex sits firm on my skin, mouth, nostrils and eyes, the only skin still uncovered, but that too would change. Hood pulled tight my red lips open to accept the harness gag behind my teeth, buckled tight so it cant rattle around I am pushed down onto the bed. Sitting beside me Master grabs my left foot firmly, raising it up Master slides my beautiful feet into their own prisons. Ballet heels swallow my feet and Master begins lacing it up nice and tight, padlocking it when its done Master then repeats on my right foot. A 1 foot long chain is attached to my ankles by the padlocks ensuring I cant run, let alone walk, if I could walk at all in these ballet boots.

Holding a roll of black latex tape Master begins to wrap around my thighs, just above my knees and pinning them together, reminding me of the toys stuffed inside me as I lay there unmoving. Armbinder revealed I know not to fight my Masters hands as I move my arms behind my back. It only took a minute to slide it in place and pull the laces tight, sealing my hands and elbows together. Thinking this was the last of my restraints I blink in surprise as Master pulls out 2 more chains and 2 padlocks.

Attaching a chain to the top of my harness gag to the headboard followed by a chain linking my hobble chain to the foot of the bed I realize I cant move.. not even wiggle, im pulled almost as tight as the latex covering me. I take a deep breath in my new situation, smelling the latex that coats my entire body, I can feel my pussy leaking freely with nothing I can do about it. As Master rolls me over to meet his caring gaze I can hear Master tell you “im not ready for bed yet, my dear, but ill let you get some rest if you can get some rest of course.” and with a click of his remote my ass and pussy come alive with vibrations rocking every nook and crany inside my body. My soul itself is dancing to the vibrations and I can already feel, with seconds into the night Im cumming hard. Eyes already watering as I grasp the concept of how many orgasms Im going to have tonight Master pulls the blindfold over my eyes, sealing them shut.

“Its okay, slave. You can cum as much as you want tonight, im going back to my room now, sleep well, cum hard, have a fantastic night, my slave.

[pwblogarchive]

July 2006

July 1, 2006

“sex and the city (the part theyll never tell you)”

its strange here this time of year. because the weather never changes.it is always summer here. so it doesnt feel like the same desperate love of these three pages on the calendar. or at least not what i am used to.patrick and i wrote a song yesterday. not a hit single or maybe anything that would even turn your head.noone knows how it goes.sometimes the worst wishes are the ones that come true.yellow and white lines to the coast.you can learn to love anything if its around enough.some people learn to love their mistakes.shakes hands. "thank you, our time is up".what keeps you coming back?i got a long rap sheet.(the statute of limitations is running out on you pretty fast).the powders wet. the sparks arent coming.the hammer isnt hitting. its spinning.you can learn to love anything.posted by xo @ 11:22 PM

July 5, 2006

the last thing i think of before i fall asleep and the first thing i think of when i wake

regardless of what stars i end up under- for the best and for the worst- you have made me who i am. and i try to make myself more decent and better only because of you.

haveanicelife

Posted by xoat 6:06 AM

June 5, 2006

Stick around long enough and everyone becomes parody of themselves 

you dont hate me, you hate the part of you that is like me. i cant sit here and ride my flaws until the end because the truth is i live the charmed life because of you and them. we are a gang. maybe its time to disband. im not sure i am thinking clearly but i just want you to know that i waited on you guys calls all night- they never came. i just wanted to say i miss you or im sorry or you know something that would have meant something to you. i would have made it poetic and memorable or at least something you could laugh at while drifting off to sleep. always trying to relive the glory days.

i dont care how poorly these sentences were constructed or how in the light of day i will wish i had not written them- right now i can only curse the fucking light off of this stupid western city because it wont ever get dark enough for sleep but otherwise how could you guide your way back here?

my head always feels warm right before i pass out, i always worry that there is something wrong and i wont wake up or you know i will. promise me that you wont take anything i ever say too seriously.

July 7, 2006

“his and hers”

sometimes i cant wait to be forgotten.i wish i could put up an away message in real life and just go to sleep forever.posted by xo @ 3:10 AM

July 7, 2006

“im so sorry, but not really. ('straighten up and die right’)”

i said i want to be rebuilt like a frank lloyd wright only without all of the water damage. or painted over like a monet only less blurry. she said “no, youre something different”. like what? “something better”. it gave me the rush of warm blood like you see in cartoon dogs right before their eyes pop out and all of the bells go off. my head is spinning like a car off of an icy guardrail. show me what you are made of. your eyes were always rolling but youd tilt your head so they were somehow always still stuck on me (have your cake and eat it too). i feel safe but not like a bet more like the way mothers feel when the lock the car doors in bad neighborhoods. i am blue waves across the red rootlike veins in the bodies drawn flat in medical books. i wonder at the way that someone can write thousands and thousands of pages about my insides. when i met you i gave you a name- not your own- but in my head so i wouldnt ever mix you up with anyone so ordinary- i cant tell you- but to me it meant salvation. you only wanted reaction. but i cant be bothered. not anymore. ill see you in the spring. first pew on the left. wear your white veil and dont forget the words. warped tour. sun drenched days. bestfriends. new roads. so long salvation. dont worry your pretty little heads. i am sleeping safe tonight.

July 8, 2006

“the fraternal order of the handsome boy”

ive been watching you from afar

my breath on the inside window as you walk in from the car

candy caned lies in red and white against clashing patterns bending in and out of understanding.

"youre the stranger ive been dreaming of", stranger than any ive ever known.

love through a telescopic lens. when the air is clear i can see how perfect you are for me.

late at night when the city sleeps i cast a spell on you

to make you think of me the very same way i think of you.

i only love how the words feel in my head when i write them.

fireworks over the valley. how can i tell you i gut people for a living.

that everything you say is likely to end up as evidence when i rewrite history.

over and over again.

how everything you do reminds me of something else, someone else.

how im humble and arrogant at the same time,

chased and never caught.

that i just want to stay up late and wake up early to talk to you.

that i want to show you all of my jealousy and insecurity and have you not care.

youre like a light switch and i just want to turn you on and watch them all shrink away.

the words come out of my fingertips on impulse. it is instinct. my head cant keep up.

i envy the comatose. i admire the bedridden.

i am addicted to the way i feel when i think of you.

"im blowing smoke rings around the moon...."

i wish i was the exact opposite of how the world knows me.

Posted by xoat 2:36 AM

July 11, 2006

we used to talk on the phone every single day (nooneknowshowitreallygoes).

its strange the way people will window shop on your life or score it for style and grace.

my personality and everything about me is just a carefully constructed collage of magazine articles and flashy pictures.

i am (not) real.

sometimes the days spent all by myself in my head are the scariest.

its enough to make you want to pack it up and call it a day.

all i can do is read and write and wait.

ihavecodedmessagesforyou.aretheygettingthrough.

Posted by xoat 6:32 PM

July 14, 2006

a little life, alot of death (i want to be known for my hits not my mrs.)

i should probably not be typing in this mood. i wish there was a lock on the keyboard. it is too enthralling in a state like this. just like all of this has always been. the world around me has changed as if overnight. "for someone so smart you are acting pretty stupid". i cant focus on but like three thoughts in my head but i am compeltely wrapped in them. they keep me warm at night. i pray for something to crash into me and smash me back to something more simple. i pray for fistfights so i cant be knocked out and wake up in the e.r. i wish for disaster so i can be razed. im telling you if i could do any of it again, im pretty sure i wouldnt.

fuck your life under the microscope.

fuck your conclusions.

you have no idea.

it never got me anywhere but here.

over and over again.

every single time.

i wish for five months ago. and not in the way you would imagine either. "you are unfixable". my eyes are washed out but they dont feel clean. they are strong you know not the athletic type, but could definitely used to carrying heavy bags. im guessing in any real light i will delete this, apologies in advance. whatever caption is written next to the picture is the exact opposite of me. i am mapless. you are caught. lets go out and get forgotten.

bad news travels fast. and i am the worst of it.

i will always remember the day i met you.

"leave you feelings in your heart boy".

Posted by xoat 12:57 AM

July 22, 2006

“my phone cuts out in the same place every single day ("the gospel of gossip").”

it feels like there is so much to say.but it can only be said in songs.please dont go so quickly."The city with fires of night seemed an archipelagoWomen asked the love and for the dulieBut in my eyes of male horror I rememberThe busy ones of the evening were never prettyThen the day returned but sometimes without sunTo draw up the houses coast at coast at the edge of streetsWhere our lives with the other smilar lives are mislaidLives trailing their shade while passing in the streetIntercalated in the year they was widowed daysBloody and slow Fridays of burialsWhite and whole blacks come from the skies which cryWhen the woman of the devil beat her lover"guillame appolinairesend me a flashlight. i cant seem to find my faith.iwishicould.posted by xo @ 2:17 PM

July 23, 2006

“we used to talk on the phone every single day (nooneknowshowitreallygoes)”

its strange the way people will window shop on your life or score it for style and grace.my personality and everything about me is just a cerfully constructed collage of magazine articles and flashy pictures.i am (not) real.the puppy is purple after spilling a grape soda on himself. he then ate the tropic of cancer by miller. paperback, so i guess it went down easier.sometimes the days spent all by myself in my head are the scariest.its enough to make you want to pack it up and call it a day.all i can do is read and write and wait.ihavecodedmessagesforyou.aretheygettingthrough.posted by xo @ 8:32 PM

July 26, 2006

you spend every waking moment and many sleeping ones thinking of one heart, one person. you let it slip, they let it slip. who knows where it all begins or ends. but as it falls to pieces you keep grabbing them and collecting them less like for a museum of things that used to matter and more like you are going to keep putting it back together. except there are akways a few pieces missing each time. deep breaths. slow your heart beat. the road winds. there was a time before you always felt like this. try to remember pete. you are being pulled in every direction. everything is bigger under the microscope. you want it to be simple. you make it complicated. "hey, pete- i am middle ground. how come we've never met before". sometimes i wish i could re-engineer the path from my heart to the tip of my tongue and let my head have a shot at it. i dont got bigdreams, i just want to be okay. it comes down to my word versus your word versus the worlds word and i dont think i want to anymore. im worn out. my head is full, my eyes are empty. the dog loves the salt in the corners of my eyes and on my cheeks- i am nervous about cutting it from his diet. and i could and should be, and jealous of it, from the children on the street walking hand in hand with their mothers to the homeless man content with his world of a bench. and noone knows the way i spend my nights counting the individuals grains in the tiles in the bathroom, the coolness of the floor the only comfort- or if anyone does they dont want to ehar it, i cant blame you... i dont even want to hear it anymore. in the mornings the world is blurry. it comes in and out of focus. this is when im the worst. when i awake from a dream to realize that none of it was real possibly ever.one of the things stranger than realizing you are alone in this world is realizing that you are not.pupils the size of baby worlds.every bad decision is put on file for later viewing. mapquest your way back to me, take a turn for the worse and then continue for .5 miles.i want to file a restraining order against myself.and i want to be myself again looking at my reflection in your eyes from the first time i failed you. i am nostalgic for disaster. i want it back.he sleeps sound. he has no care for what buzzes and changes in the world around him.because of this i envy him.run away from a city because of one single heartbeat. it doesnt make sense.its not that i dont trust you, actually it is. and i dont trust myself when i think of you. i sell myself out.i wish you were awake right now. i just want to let myself be happy.posted by xo @ 3:53 AM

July 28, 2006

as i run away from everything i have ever known. just whisper in my ear."and the tears come streaming down your facewhen you lose something you can't replacewhen you love some one but it goes to wastecould it be worse?Lights will guide you homeAnd ignite your bonesAnd I will try to fix youHigh up above or down belowWhen you're too in love to let it goBut if you never try you'll never knowJust what you're worthLights will guide you home"so obvious. so much more brilliant than i could ever imagine to be.be bright and shine. its dark. im sorry ive come so off course.tell the pilot to clear us to land in your backyard.posted by xo @ 11:02 PM

July 30, 2006

regardless of what stars i end up under- for the best and for the worst-you have made me who i am. and i try to make myself more decent and better only because of you.happybirthday.posted by xo @ 3:05 PM

[strawberryteaprincess]

The Class Group Chat: Part 2

(sorry for not posting yesterday. i forget date .-.)

20 03 Thursday

Alya: i need help

Alix: hey alya. sup?

Alya: anyone know how to solve question 5 on the math homework?

Alix: WE HAD MATH HOMEWORK????

Alya: -_-

Max: @Alya You need to use the Pythagoras theory to solve for c before finding the area and then using it to find the area of the rectangle.

Alya: ohhhh, thats what i do?

Alix: WHATS THE MATH HOMEWORK?!

Alya: pg 103 of our textbook, numbers 1-10

Alix: 10 questions?!

Alya: and they have kids

Alix: what??

Max: She means they have sub-questions.

Alix: DOES MADAME LAURENT WANT TO KILL US?!

Lila: actually, she's MADEMOISELLE Moulin now. She got divorced a few days ago.

Alya: SHE GOT WHAT?!

Max: Are you sure Lila?

Lila: at least, thats what i heard from aurore

Adrien: Hey guys! what are we talking about?

Alix: WHO KNOWS HOW TO SOLVE QUESTION 1A

Adrien: Oh, it's a quote from the extract on line 5 of the first paragraph

Alix: what extract???

Alya: Adrien, its 5.4 litres

Alix: THANK YOU!

Adrien: oh, you meant for the math homework

Adrien: I thought you meant the literature homework

Alix: WE HAVE LITERATURE HOMEWORK????

Alya: WHAT?! I DIDN'T KNOW!

Max: You didn't? I did.

Lila: oh, i did too but my rare illness needed a surgery so i was unable to do the homework

Adrien: oh the lit homework isnt that long Lila. im sure youll be able to finish it if u start now

Lila: ... thanks adrien

Adrien: anytime 😇

Marinette: why are all of you chatting so late 😑

Alix: MARINETTE, WHATS THE LITERATURE HOMEWORK?!

Marinette: um, i dont remember. pg 18 i think?

Alix: THANK YOU!

Lila: @Marinette actually marinette, its page 27.

Marinette: i dont remember being the one who asked

Lila: wow mari u dont have to be so mean

Alix: Wait, so what page is it???

Adrien: actually Lila, marinettes right. its page 18. u should check ur sources before giving Alix the wrong info. just some friendly advice :)

Lila: ...

Lila: oh, thank you babe

Marinette: COUGH COUGH, EXCUSE ME???

Lila: oh, i didnt tell u. adrien and i are dating

Adrien: no were not

Lila: yes we are

Adrien: no were not

Lila: yes we are

Adrien: no were not

Adrien: no were not

Adrien: no were not

Adrien: no were not

Adrien: no were not

Adrien: no were not

Adrien: no were not

Alix: STOP SPAMMING THE CHAT AND TELL ME THE ANSWER FOR NUMBER 1B!

Marinette: oh, well bi is sandstone while bii is convergent

Alix: ??????

Max: She means for the geography homework.

Alya: WHAT DID U JUST SAY?!

Adrien: wait, we had geography homework?!

Lila: oh, i knew about that one too, but i like i said, my surgery took a lot of time so i couldnt do it

Alya: why dont u stop texting and start writing then???

Lila: ...

Alya: u know what, why am i even online?!

Alya: Marinette, whats the geo homework?!

Marinette: page 54, numbers 1 to 15

Alya: FIFTEEN?!

Marinette: Mr. Lavigne gave us this last week. why have none of u done it -_-

Rose: wait! whats all this about homework???

Kim: wait, we had homework? 😨

Alya: IF ABSOLUTELY ANYONE KNOWS WE HAVE ANY HOMEWORK LEFT, TELL US ALL NOW

Juleka: has anyone else done the biology homework?

Alya: MERCI LE DIEU. something ive done

Alix: ERROR! DID U JUST SAY BIOLOGY??!!

Kim: WE HAVE HOMEWORK???? 😱

Marinette: yeah, its an essay on the alimentary canal

Alix: Marinette im freaking pissed right now so quit speaking chinese and tell us the homework in english

Marinette: -_- that was english dummy

Alix: MAX!

Alix: TRANSLATE NOW!!!

Max: Write a 200 word essay on the digestive system.

Alix: Lord have mercy

Lila: oh, i couldnt do that one either because of my surgery

Alya: WAIT, IT WAS 200 WORDS?!

Alya: I THOUGHT IT WAS 50!!!

Nino: why the heck are you all still awake

Alya: Nino you better not tell us we have more homework

Nino: more homework?

Nino: oh, u mean the ones due tomorrow?

Alix: TOMORROW??!!!!

Rose: please tell us whats due Nino!

Nino: wait a sec, im reading the chat

Nino: oh, well, all the ones you've mentioned actually

Nino: due tomorrow

Ms. Bustier: I just saw the notifications from the chat and decided that you students need a reminder. Please remember your Literature, Mathematics, Geography, Biology and Physics homework are due tomorrow.

Juleka: oh no. im not done with my physics

Marinette: wait, physics was the diagram right?

Marinette: i totally forgot! im not done!!!

Adrien: 🙀

Rose: @Juleka im coming to ur house. we arent sleeping tonight

Alya: @Nino I AM COMING TO YOUR HOUSE. UNLOCK YOUR DOOR!

Alix: @Nino PLEASE LET ME COME TO!!!

Nino: @Alix sure but hurry up, im locking my door a few minutes after alya gets here

Kim: @Nino can i come too????

Nino: @Kim sure, just hurry

Max: Nino, if I may, may I attend this impromptu event? My assistance may be needed.

Nino: yes please

Adrien: @Marinette can i come to ur house? pwease??

Marinette: sure but ya better hurry up

Lila: wait, why is adrien going to marinettes house

Lila: hello?

Lila: does no one think thats suspicious?

Lila: guys?

Ms. Bustier: Lila, you've done all your homework?

Lila: actually ms bustier, due to my surgery, i was unable to do any of my assignments. its very disappointing and im incredibly sorry. i wish there was more time for me to get it done.

Ms. Bustier: Oh, it's okay Lila. Just send a scanned copy of your discharge papers to my email and I'll take care of the rest.

Lila: my what?

Ms. Bustier: The papers that tell me you've been discharged from the hospital. I'll send you my email if you need it.

Ms. Bustier: Lila?

Ms. Bustier: Are you still there?

[secretsniper2]

Part 1: Sleep Tight

I approach my Master as he sits at his computer, tray in hand with Masters tea, as he instructed and how he likes it, placing the tray down while ignoring the moans from the porn on his screen i instead drop to my hands and knees and crawl under his desk, his cock already rigid and waiting for my mouth i open his pants slowly, hands in i grasp his cock. Masters cock isnt as thick as some other men, but its long enough to go down my throat and stop me breathing and his crazy stamina, no man has fucked me for hours and came multiple times in my pussy and ass before and Master earned my life mere weeks later.

Mouth opening  to welcome Masters amazing cock it slides in carefully, if Master feels teeth after all my training ill be a mockery to him, tongue coddling him lovingly he slides down my throat and i begin my favourite task, emptying Masters heavy balls. With the skills he hammered into me it only takes me just under 2 minutes to suck out any softness remaining and make him cum down my waiting throat, slamming my mouth to the base of his cock with his full length in me i feel it, Masters cum! His delicious cum flowing down and eventually his cock stops pumping and thats cue for me to resume pumping, Pulling back to suck on his head i eagerly swallow his length again and again, 1 minute later im rewarded once again.

Pumping his 5th load down my eager throat i can taste his cum coating my tongue, i never thought id love the taste of cum this much but after being trained by Master its almost a delicacy to me now! Feeling tired and well fed after my reward i lick my lips clean and look up to my Master.

“May i go to bed, Master?” I ask quietly. Master looks down with a smile on his face. “Of course you can, we just need to get you ready, lets get you ready.”

Rolling back in his chair Master leads me to the kitchen where Master gives me some vitamins to take with a glass of water, since cum isnt something you can live on alone, for someone on a mostly cum diet supplements are crucial. Leading me once again Master walks off to my room, its more of a place where the clothes and restraints Master bought for me are kept, not like a standard bedroom at all anymore. Walking to the wardrobe I cant help but wonder what ill be wearing tonight and my eyes widen as Master turns around holding my ultimate slave suit, a latex bodysuit. I fight back the urge to plead not to wear it as the simple act of touching latex, any latex anywhere after all the training Master put me through gets my pussy wet almost instantly, and with extended contact, will make me cum without any external stimulation.

Pushing me onto the bed i raise my legs and Master begins sliding the suit on, the sensation is already incredible but i know better than to cum without permission, or my obvious pleasurable night will be swapped for a torturous night in the basement. Before sliding past my thighs Master instructs me to stand and bend over the bed, as i do Master slides a large, heavily lubbed dildo up my ass, followed by 5 vibrating eggs slipping inside my pussy and a ring on my clit to expose it from the hoods embrace, the bodysuit covering it all tightly. The sensation is unbelievable, my exposed clit rubbing on latex directly, I cant resist and grasp my breast with my hand only to have it immediately pulled back down beside my body.

“Naughty, naughty my dear, can you not control yourself?” Master says with a smile, knowing full well I couldn't stop yourself. “sorry master” I reply weakly.

Pushing the wires to my inserted toys through a small gap in the pants just over my mound, Master continues to encase me in its tight embrace. Covering my breasts and my solid, sensitive nipples I gasp out as they get pressed into my supple breasts without a pause. I raise my arms and further my latex addicted body’s torment by subjecting my arms to its tight embrace. Reaching deep to the base my fingers meet the goal and Master pulls the latex over my shoulders, it isnt over yet. As Master slowly pulls the zipper up my spine I shudder alone with the movements till it reaches my neck. A latex hood is next, oh god I though it couldn't get any worse, or better. I still dont know how to process the sensations I was feeling.

Pulling my long red hair through the hood, the latex sits firm on my skin, mouth, nostrils and eyes, the only skin still uncovered, but that too would change. Hood pulled tight my red lips open to accept the harness gag behind my teeth, buckled tight so it cant rattle around I am pushed down onto the bed. Sitting beside me Master grabs my left foot firmly, raising it up Master slides my beautiful feet into their own prisons. Ballet heels swallow my feet and Master begins lacing it up nice and tight, padlocking it when its done Master then repeats on my right foot. A 1 foot long chain is attached to my ankles by the padlocks ensuring I cant run, let alone walk, if I could walk at all in these ballet boots.

Holding a roll of black latex tape Master begins to wrap around my thighs, just above my knees and pinning them together, reminding me of the toys stuffed inside me as I lay there unmoving. Armbinder revealed I know not to fight my Masters hands as I move my arms behind my back. It only took a minute to slide it in place and pull the laces tight, sealing my hands and elbows together. Thinking this was the last of my restraints I blink in surprise as Master pulls out 2 more chains and 2 padlocks.

Attaching a chain to the top of my harness gag to the headboard followed by a chain linking my hobble chain to the foot of the bed I realize I cant move.. not even wiggle, im pulled almost as tight as the latex covering me. I take a deep breath in my new situation, smelling the latex that coats my entire body, I can feel my pussy leaking freely with nothing I can do about it. As Master rolls me over to meet his caring gaze I can hear Master tell you “im not ready for bed yet, my dear, but ill let you get some rest if you can get some rest of course.” and with a click of his remote my ass and pussy come alive with vibrations rocking every nook and crany inside my body. My soul itself is dancing to the vibrations and I can already feel, with seconds into the night Im cumming hard. Eyes already watering as I grasp the concept of how many orgasms Im going to have tonight Master pulls the blindfold over my eyes, sealing them shut.

“Its okay, slave. You can cum as much as you want tonight, im going back to my room now, sleep well, cum hard, have a fantastic night, my slave.