#its 'the thing' from my childhood
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Wailing Coffin Hong Lu and Gregor
#hehehehHEHEHEHEH I LOVE THESE SO MUCH#I was listening to nightcore and everything this was so fun [even the renderhell]. I was so excited I even posted WIPs! TWICE!!#I shall now attempt to justify these. these VERY fun to draw designs.#this abno to me represents the contradiction of facing the things that had happened long in the past - for them it'd be their childhoods#the contradiction stems from how leaving it along may cause it to grow and fester - dragging one into it if they try and ignore it to get o#with their lives[leave it be check fail] whilst confronting it directly may cause it to overflow in a way one cannot deal with [ open coffi#check fail]. these two straddle the line for this. not directly confronting and unpacking their issues#whilst at the same time not entirely ignoring them or trying to bury them#given how for both its rather physical - unignorable. it is something to be lived with even if they simply just want to cry out#and thus the wails increase more and more. even eclipsing in turn the original start of the incident [open check win has the only thing in#the coffin be a small beetle] and all the same leaving it be protects them from opening up those wounds and having to face it all again#'it also seems as if they’re thankful for being left as they are'#...but the honest answer as to why these two is the 'red-jeweled beetle' line. jewel for HL and beetle for Greg.#I also wanted him to have a cool arm.#you can disagree w my abno interpretation btw idm#mallet it bc you uh. hammed things shut w it#things like nails into coffins#but that's all I have to say so normal tag time:#fanart#limbus company#gregor lcb#hong lu lcb#🔮🐞#fan E.G.Os
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live drama adaptations part 2 (prev)
cast reveal and girls movie night 🔥
#i actually had the first three pages done for like. months now. and then i just forgot 🧍♂️#theres one more part to this but as to when ill finish that. haha#duck scribbles#minicomic tag#midoyuzu#and a bit of tomohaji on the side#doodles#enstars#midori takamine#hajime shino#yuzuru fushimi#tori himemiya#ibara saegusa#this is. a lot better quality than the first initial one amsdkjgshdgsmd i kindaa wanna redo it but its already a multiple part one i dont#think ill do that to myself rn akjdgskjwkjgjkd#its been 8 months i doubt anyone would remember the initial one but its ok u dont have to read it#i completely made up this manga and am now a little sad its not a thing that exists#i wish haruno was a real character i could post mangacaps of#thought too hard about it and there isnt any way to fit it into here but there is also a fourth character harunos childhood gyaru friend#also in love w her. she ends up having some sort of alliance with naoto but obviously its in vain too but its all chill#manga ends with haruno opening her dream cafe and asahi later joins her there after training a new team to take care of their old one#naoto becomes a regular there also w his new bf :] happy ending !!!#wow i have drawn Way too much lately. forgive me for such behavior ill probably be posting a lot less from here on out askjdgksjhgs#needed the food for when im away from my laptop for a week....#guess ill never get to finish that other lil comic i had planned for that sleepover drawing i made back during rarepair week </3#does anyone actually read these anyhow. i talk too much maybe
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Every time I think Sasuke’s clear and obvious homosexual obsession with Naruto might be maybe a little one sided, Naruto will do something absolutely insane like walk into his childhood room after two years, grab his dusty picture of Sasuke, gently brush it off, fingers lingering for a moment over Sasuke’s face, and lovingly whisper “Sasuke…I’m home…”
#n-naruto….on god what the hell is wrong with you#SITTING ON HIS BED HOLDING SASUKES PHOTO AND WHISPERING HIS NAME???#H O W does ANYONE watch this fucking show and now IMMEDIATELY clock these two#I’m at the point where I’m starting to think it’s .. just what the author intended#like….who wrote this. and why#I could easily look it up but my fav explanation is ‘person into shonen who had or had a crush on his childhood best friend’#‘and is still working some things out in regards to it’#anyways#I have a theory that this is why classic anime ‘bro’ types don’t like sasuke#they are unable to reckon with the sheer magnetic force of their extremely obvious love for each other#I think it scares them#DOESNT SCARE ME BITCH#NARITO GO GET HIM BACK FROM ORROCHIMARU SO YOU GUYS CAN KISS ITS IMPORTANT#naruto#sasunaru
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ignore Rogier ok
#my art#mintleflower#fanart#sofia the first#cedric the sorcerer#cedric the sensational#princess sofia#king roland#queen miranda#crackle#clover#pr*ship dni#apparently this has to be tagged cuz ive been lurking on this side of tumblr and many accounts have been blocked lol#this show for actual toddlers is actually one of the most entertaining things i've seen in a while#rewatching this for the first time since i was like 9 years old expecting it to be worse than i remember#but its genuinely better especially now that i understand things#ignore rogier hes just visiting#i love being an artist because that means i can put characters from my childhood in a fucked up and evil environment#also personal note; but the fact that king roland shares a VA with Roy Mustang had me fucked up for days this is messed up
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tired of early 20-somethings acting like harry potter was never good or had no value in its day like shut the fuck up half of you weren't even there when it peaked
#sit with the cognitive dissonance like the rest of us or shut up honestly#was it a product of its time yes#was it's author a very basic neoliberal white lady from a country with a long and unchecked imperialist history yes#was the story influenced by said neoliberal worldviews and unexamined biases obviously#does any of that make it a bad story or an unimaginative world no#you can pick apart any fantasy world if you try hard enough#harry potter was a good telling of the hero's journey written in the format of seven mystery novels set against a fantasy backdrop#we can certainly talk about its flaws or how the author's biases leaked onto the page#but stop acting like it was never good and there was never a reason those books resonated with people#it's condescending for one thing and again- if you're younger than like...24-25 you didn't actually experience the heyday of the books#if you're 25 now you'd have been like 8 or 9 when the last book came out and probably weren't reading them yet#you might remember the latter half of the movie era but you have no idea how much it was the BOOKS that drove its popularity#never before and never since has any book series had the fanfare that harry potter did and that didn't happen for no reason#so find a way to make peace with that instead of acting intellectually superior because you grew up with percy jackson instead#this 'well MY generation's preferred childhood book series is morally superior to YOURS so I'm better than you' shit drives me up a wall#like get over yourself honestly#...sorry had to get that off my chest there was this youtube video and it was irritating me
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Made another spindle. It's very small. Also very irregular and lumpy due to the wood (I wanted the raised brown lines to stay and erred on the side of caution in how much I cut away...but that did lead to a very irregular spindle).
It also wanted to crumble as I carved, so pretty much all the fine tuning I just did by sanding it, which helps to compress the fibers down as well as remove material without crumbling or splintering.
It really came to life when I oiled it. Probably will be best after a few good coats and some time. My woodburning kit seems to be totally gone, which is a bummer. So I'm not woodburning anymore.
Spins well. Obviously being so tiny and light it was always going to be a fine spinning spindle, but effortless thread from an unprepped piece of fleece is pretty indicative as well. I seem to find myself carving mostly thread spindles at the moment. They're always so small and light in the hand, they remind me of holding baby birds.
#hurt a lot and its the only physical task ive managed today in any capacity#and it exhausted me and im falling over frequently#just from walking the 20 steps to my lawn chair outside the gate and whittling a small spindle#my sister was suggesting activities we could do but they all require holding things really#can barely even hold my phone to type rn#i also cant stop wondering if each spindle is the last i will ever be able to carve because they are so difficult#and take a pretty heavy toll on me. really upsetting to think about because i love whittling#and in an ideal world i would spend a significant amount of time in pursuit of making spindles#but i can't and each one is more difficult and painful#this one i was wondering at what point it becomes unsafe because i lose precision with the knife#when the pain is so bad im dissociating#which i was#switched to sanding instead then#idk man. could i have a shred of certainty about my body ? is that so much to ask for ?#things change and get worse so rapidly i never even have time to adjust to my new norm#there is no norm just rapid decline#i wouldnt have pushed thru the hell that was my teens and childhood if i knew this was what was next#oh well. here i am. whittling spindles thru the blinding pain anyway#what else can you fucking do#spindle making#whittling#supported spindle#vent in tags
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longlegs is a movie about mother/daughterhood for real. throws up thinking about it actually
#LONGLEGS SPOILERS IN THE TAGS#Dont look if you dont want spoilers plsssss <3#didnt looooove it btw i have my mixed feelings and criticisms but! i did like it. and liked a lot about it...#feeling left with this dreadful feeling about being trapped in childhood and trauma and your mother trying to keep you there#and doing so much so you Can grow up but still not really letting you and keeping all of you in her house and keeping your memories of -#certain events to 'protect' you and just making it harder for you and then keeping up with these phone calls and of course doing all of -#what she did to keep her little girl alive so she could grow up and none of it mattered as long as her little girl got to grow up and be -#herself and not have to worry about all of those things shes doing or that happened... even though they still directly affect her and make#her life a living hell... shes tormented by it... and phone calls and interactions with her mother feel terrible... but she loves her#and she trusts her and she doesnt know what to do with her... or how to feel... and she wants answers andhgkshdfk GAHH its good#all of lees hair and teeth and nails and all of her things from childhood still in that house... in her room... all of her memories are in#that room... including clues to That One... god#longlegs spoilers#longlegs 2024 spoilers
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What year would you say this au takes place in? (also very nice art)
i guess 2023 if we're being realistic??? idk, with that maybe Total Drama aired a bit earlier than in canon, more like early 2000s instead of late 2000s/early 2010s, around the time when reality tv really began to blow up (I remember reading somewhere before TDI23 was announced that Total Drama would hypothetically take place around 2003 because Chris was allegedly 25 at the time of island ik none of this is canon but fuck it why not) (from td wiki)
if anything, I like to think this au takes place on some sort of floating timeline since then there's no need to worry about certain events and making things dated, along with adding bits and pieces from media from a wider range of time (eg. sam still owning a DS)
#idk I guess its cuz im taking pieces from media/experiences from my own childhood?#but yea floating timeline just makes writing things a lil easier#noco family au#noco lore
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Gold detailing is done. Will post proper photos in good light once the varnish is done, so prob like next weekend?
#my art#oh look actual painting with real paints#id like to say this painting has fixed me#but its just made me delusional and thinking that im fixed#when i am profoundly not#yay irrational rage at nothing#its actually a trip to be this mentally fucked again#after a really long time of being ... ok? like neurotic and mental but not hair trigger away from ugly meltdown#the good thing is that this all has a very clear cause and i can leave#unlike say my entire childhood adolescence and 20s#yay adulthood?
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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Recognizing Early Signs of Mental Illness
#fe3h#dimitri alexandre blaiddyd#thats all it gets tagged as. if you see it then you were meant to see it.#txt post#side note while im in the tags no one looks at#im not too big a fan of the way people call his untreated psychosis as him being feral#its not a ground breaking take with the last 5 years of the game existing but ive only beem into fe3h for a year and its my blog#so I get to talk about it#like yes I understand its because he's likened to a Feral Boar charging ahead with destruction in its path and no brains etc etc#whatever felix said#but the way fans take that and really focus on calling an unhoused man with unresolved childhood ptsd haunting him for life feral?#the way fans take that and call a guy whos psychotic breakdown went untreated for 5 years feral?#REALLY doesnt sit well with me#idk im not the sort to be like “he didnt mean to murder this isnt him 🥺” because he did do that. a lot of that.#But people do things they dont want to do all the time when given the right mental state for it#Do you see people on the streets talking to themselves and shouting at the air and call them feral?#the ones you can smell from 6 feet away? the ones who have a crust on their hands and hair stiff from not having access to a proper shower?#the ones that havent had access to help or medication? Do you call them feral? Do you extend a hand or even look in their direction?#I'm rambling by this point. tldr mental health awareness and be kind to one another#and also to be careful and use your best judgement when helping because I stopped for an older woman asking for help#and she almost stabbed me in an empty parking lot#not my brightest moment
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him: you better not be cunty aj styles on top of the ladder at tna slammiversary '05 when i get home
me:
#on my quest to find the one (1) match i rmr from my childhood i have been watching so much tna#and this was so funny for some reason#also umblr auto-stretching gifs: this things a crisp already u dont need to make it worse i pinky promise#aj styles#tna#*#u can tell how bad the thesis crunch is by how much i am giffing again (: <- guy who is actively dying#unfortunately grown fond of the contortions this guy can do but its ok ill live#grainy ass found footage quality i kill uuuu
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I finally decided to finish Steven Universe Future and its a little scary how much I identified with Steven this time around. Who am I kidding it was like looking in a mirror. . I have got to move the FUCK out
#i fell off of my therapy appointments but once i find a new one i dont even need to talk i could just show her the 2nd half of SU future#and say this is how i feel. its so stupidly exactly how i feel at its core. the childhood trauma ptsd. the self loathing. GOD the self loat#ing.#i dont have a connie though. and my family kind of sucks. and uh its not an era of peace and uh things are bad from all angles#this is why i gotta move out and back with people who are healthier for me to live with. man im struggling a lot with my health and unemplo#yment. not just my mental health anymore but my physical health too.#i just gotta. keep a stable job and make sure my mom or my brother dont have mental breakdowns and help my brother with his kids and#sorry yall who read my tags its dire out here
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i swear if you people start uwuifying OCD like you did with ADHD and autism I'm going to start attacking
#the general idea of what OCD is already so fucking wrong and harmful#if you start being like 'oh my little meow meow is so OCD' or 'its not a disorder its just a different way of thinking uwu'#I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL#ALL OF MY EARLIEST CHILDHOOD MEMORIES FROM AGE 3 AND UP ARE OF HAVING PANIC ATTACKS#PLEASE GO FUCK YOURSELVES THIS IS A MISERABLE FUCKING DISORDER ITS NOT CUTE ITS NOT QUIRKY ITS THE REASON I HAD GRAY HAIR AS A TEENAGER#i saw this like 'i let the intrusive thoughts win' isn't something people use all the time for like dying their fucking hair#its exhausting how many people what to be all 'mental illness needs to be more accepted'#and then in the next sentence want to deny that your mental illness is actually harmful to you and doesn't negatively affect you#and its just because society doesn't accept your different way of thinking uwu#NO I LITERALLY WOULD HAVE KILLED MYSELF AS A TEENAGER IF SOMEONE HAD CONVINCED ME THAT MY MENTAL ILLNESS WAS NORMAL AND FINE#figuring out that something was Wrong with my brain was like the best moment of my life#and this 'no you just think differently don't try to change' attitude may be helpful in SOME CASES#but that shit needs to me pulled back on A LOT online because that framing can be extremely harmful to some people (like me)#knowing exactly what is wrong with my brain is literally the only way I'm able to not let it affect me#and it not affecting me is literally the only way I can function and live happily#like you understand that some people do genuinely have things wrong with them#and telling them they don't is beyond cruel
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shi.n's amnesia later route is such an out of character experience bc wdym someone this cute shows me all the love they have for me and i dont healthily communicate with him that im feeling overwhelmed by it.
#❛ 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 ⧽ — ooc.#GONNA BE HONEST. EVERY OTO.ME PLAYTHROUGH I DO IS OOC FOR ME - i refuse to change the name of the mc unless they make me and even then i#didnt give the heroine my name im sorry heroine ... mainly bc im also playing from a rpers perspective FHDJKADHSJK#but this route is a sharp edged sword. i dont know if i can ever finish it ( i mean i can bc things get resolved and they DO communicate! )#and it goes onto one of the most respected endings ive seen for a chara: having the good ending as him moving away to another place but you#guys staying together long distance bc thats rep! we need!#its just the fact that even min.e and saw.a explain that what is happening isnt fair on him and the convo ends with avoidance ...#that is NOT my heroine sweetie what did they do to you#much love for heroine and everything she stands for but this CANNOT! be me sorry#shin would literally be like perf for the waiter position but he hates everyone but his two childhood friends im sorry you're never catchin#him acting like this unless you're them#hes just young and very forward. very blunt too if he wants a kiss he will inform and then take ... hes tryinggggg ....#anyway good morn i was looking at these at 3am for icons and then promptly fell asleep#time to write one last draft and then queue all i have - ill have 5 drafts left over in total :')#between my two blogs which is! amazing! but i will be focusing on inboxes after ive edited them all#omw to do the amnesi.a call this week. and plotting messages#we're going far kiddssss
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I dont want a bpd diagnosis for many obvious reasons but I worry it'll be something that will naturally come up when I seek mental health treatment OTL like there r only so many answers to "my bipolar disorder is being treated and managed but I still have emotional instability/abandonment fears/trust issues/impulsive behavior that cause chaos and distress in my life". that being said I think doctors are actually pretty hesitant to diagnose it so maybe I'll be safe LOL
#txt#part of me feels dramatic referring to myself as having bpd but its kinda the closest i can come to describing the phenomenon i experience#and also most things from my childhood can lead to its development LMAO. but because of stigma i dont want it documented#but also idk if treatment might be hard Without giving these symptoms a name???? idkkk hrmmmmm
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