#‘and is still working some things out in regards to it’

[doodlebeeberry]

It's OSC gift exchange number 4, baby!!

Thats right folks!!! once again so so excited to host the gift exchange, hopefully itll be yet another fun one! :D

doing things slightly differently this year: if you wanna join you can just fill out this google form! You can also still join by replying/reblogging/dming me with what you'd like if you prefer to do it that way though.

Rules, dates, and details are all under the cut (and also in the form), please read them through fully before joining!!!

Entries close November 28th at midnight (est)!

For those not in the know, the gift exchange is just what is sounds like! Upon joining, you tell me what you like to see in you gift. After, you'll be randomly assigned a giftee, and will make a gift for them based on what they've requested. When the day comes, you'll post your gift and @ the person it's for!

The timeline this year looks like this:

Nov. 7-Nov. 28: Join the gift exchange by filling out this form, dm-ing me, replying, or tagging this post with what you'd like to receive. You can ask for anything--shows, ships, ocs, whatever! Additionally, if there's anything you dont want to see or can't make (ie, ships that make you uncomfortable), you can make a note of that as well

Dec. 1: I'll let you know who you've been assigned and what they'd like! This'll most likely be done through tumblr dms, so if that's an issue do let me know!

Dec. 1-30: You make your gift! This can be anything, from art to writing to music and more! so long as you follow your giftee's request, the possibilities are endless!

Dec. 31: Post your gift, being sure to @ the person its from! Please do not post your gift before this date!!!

Some other things to note:

You can request anything--shows, characters, ships, etc--just please make sure they are osc related! it is an osc gift exchange after all

Asking for OCs is very much allowed, just be sure to provide me with a reference when you join

in regards to things you can't do, please do note that "i haven't seen x show so i wont do it" or "i'll only do requests for x show" are not being treated as valid requests in this context, so i won't guarantee them. also please remember that giftees are assigned randomly.

If your giftee requests more than one thing, you aren't obligated to fulfill all of their requests if you don't want to. Just be sure to do one of them and you're good!

If you need to drop out for any reason, that is completely ok, it happens! just please be sure to let me know ahead of time so I can re-assign your giftee!

On that note, if you have reason to believe you will be unavailable or otherwise unable to post your gift on the 31st, please be sure to tell me so we can work something out! Additionally, if you can't reach out on tumblr (say, your blog gets deleted) you can also poke me on bluesky (@ bumblebeeberry) or discord (thatonegaycat) about it

You can not join anonymously! I just don't think it'd fair to your giftee

While I highly doubt I will need to, I can bar you from participating if I deem it necessary. Again, unlikely, but in the off-chance it does happen I will message you to let you know, pretty please do not yell at me if I do

Not a requirement but when I send you your giftee if you could just let me know you saw the message i would greatly appreciate it!

As per usual I'll be tagging everything with #osc gift exchange, feel free to use it on your gift as well!

That's it! if you have any questions, comments, notes, what have you, please don't hesitate to dm me! :]

[guhamun]

THE WAY THAT WAS said… Well…they weren’t wrong. He probably would be holed up avoiding civilization. And if he wasn’t, then he was probably out in the wild; camping, fighting TD, eating rations��� It was eerie how well Jiyan knew him in this regard. You’d almost think that he was a regular at the Ghost Hound Headquarters speaking like this. ❝Bingo night? Ahaha, that sounds like something some old, retired soldier might say.❞ He could not help but laugh softly at that thought. The elders would certainly welcome Jiyan’s visits with open arms if he decided to become some bingo master. The whole thought was absolutely ridiculous. However, there was some fondness at the thought. Even if the world did become more ‘peaceful’ at the defeat of the Lament, humans would still human. In other words, he would still be paid to do the jobs that others would not. At least, he supposed, one would no longer need to worry about TD Outbreaks. Those would be a distant memory of the past to be spoken about to younger mercenaries who would look upon you as if you were speaking gibberish talking about what would eventually become fantastical.

     ❝You laugh now, but you’d be surprised what people come up with. In the New Federation, in the Lawless Zone, a gang could frighten people into playing along with a ruse. It was one of the ways some recruited. Of course…Jinzhou is different. The people didn’t seem uneasy, or afraid to meet my gaze for too long. Their actions seemed…genuine…which in turn threw me off.❞ He felt their curiosity more than anything else considering foreigners were not an everyday sight to many. ❝But you are right. I could have asked for more, and I knew you would have no choice but to give it. It was clear by the rumors I heard, that your homeland was in dire straits. Any other mercenary group would have tried to milk you all for all you were worth.❞ But that was not how Calcharo did things. He believed that one could work better together if there was a sense of fairness in place. Asking for more than he needed would only create issues in the future with the Midnight Rangers. The best way to deal with that situation was…

     He paused in his train of thoughts.

     ‘Mesmerizing and beautiful man.’

     Sometimes he wanted to reach out and cover the other’s mouth so they would simply stop talking. He had acknowledged Jiyan’s good looks back then as well (a little), but he primarily took in the fact that he was so young. A general who looked like they hadn’t seen battles to the extent of any of the older, hardened soldiers… He might as well have been akin to a fresh-faced babe. Surely it would have been better for Jiyan to focus more on how to strategically work with the Ghost Hounds and make the most of them rather than gawking at their leader…

     ❝There are times you say just a little too much.❞ He huffed, slipping his things into a small bag and zipping it loudly before slinging over his shoulder and following after the other as they left. Falling quiet as he awaited the ‘punishment’ that would befall him, he was taken aback by the other wrapping their arms around his own. It was such an unexpected gesture that it took a moment for his brain to catch up to what had just transpired, the other’s words ringing in his head: ‘you told me about reaching out for what I want.’

     This was what he wanted?

     But why?

     Despite being…thoroughly confused by all of this, he gave no complaints. After all, he had told Jiyan to reach out for what he wanted, and though he couldn’t quite understand why he’d want this in particular, it was a good thing for him. ❝I can’t figure out why you’d…desire this of all things. Still…very well. You can borrow my shoulder. See? Taking what you want isn’t as difficult as you thought.❞ On this cold night, Jiyan felt quite warm against him like this. His presence blocked out cold in that particular direction, what small breeze kept at bay.

It indeed was difficult to imagine that there would be a day in which he would have so much time in his hands that he wouldn't know what to do with it. It was a near impossible, but... very pleasant dream. One he looked forward to but, at the same time, tried to not think of too much. "...Special visiting privileges?" Thin eyebrows lifted then, amusement clear in his tone. "That wording makes it sound like you'll be holed up in your headquarters or avoiding civilization. Hm, it appears that you will keep me busy after I retire. You leave me no option but to drag you to bingo night. But, it's fine, I'm certain the future additions to the group will thank me for taking care of their stubborn boss." Heh, they might even call him to convince the 'old wolf' to take some sun and enjoy other activities that aren't related to their work. He... really looked forward to those peaceful days.

Jiyan couldn't help it but laugh at the rather unbelievable theory. "A never seen before large-scale collaborative effort to deceive the leader of an international mercenary group." Now, that seemed like something one would find in psychological horror movies. Terrifying, but quite impressive too. But he could see why the mercenary leader would think that after seeing everyone acting 'strange'. "But I believe you're the one who has it backwards. Most people in your position would've asked for far more, as we weren't in a good position for fair negotiation." They could ask for the most senseless things and, if it didn't bring harm to the citizens of Jinzhou, the young general would've had no option but to accept the terms. "I'll admit that I was fairly nervous during our first meeting. I knew that the Ghost Hounds didn't take more than what was fair, but plenty of captains told me to be prepared for the worst. It also caught me off guard how handsome you were. The rumors forgot to mention that the leader of the organization was a mesmerizing and beautiful man." Perhaps it would've been better if he didn't say that last part out loud, but it already was a little too late for that.

His smile only widened when he was asked about the 'punishment' he had in mind. "I'll admit that, at first, I was thinking of something that would make me laugh, like watching make your best imitation of Aalto and Encore. But after what you told me about reaching out for what I want..." It was then that he scooted closer to the other man and wrapped his arms around one of theirs, and soon his head rested on their shoulder as they walked. It wasn't a particularly comfortable position, but it made Jiyan feel giddy and warm. "You'll have to let me stay like this until we reach the inn. I'll consider returning this shoulder to its original owner then." Plenty of people had already confused them for a couple, and they weren't even wearing their respective uniforms anymore. They really would look no different from any other couple at Mt. Firmament if they continued like this, but Jiyan didn't mind, and Calcharo said he didn't mind as much either. So... it should be fine, right?

[gem-de-lune]

Daily Vibe Check 11/9

It really really paid off to give the other members a breather from vibe checks. They were very transparent and open today compared to usual!

As i mentioned before, the vibe checks for individual members will be briefer than usual unless it's something significant.

Enjoy!

Seunghan

Ace of Chalices

He's feeling generally well. There is a lot of emotional creative energy being fulfilled after a time of things being much more dry. In other words, he is feeling emotionally fulfilled and refreshed.

Eunseok

The Chariot

He is feeling generally well. Maybe very collaborative, healthy, and ambitious. This is that 7 card again which could indicate a certain sentiment of comradery making him feel this way. He may be working out lately or just very active.

Sohee

9 of Wands

He is feeling generally well. He is also feeling ambitious and active. Maybe in a more laid back way though. He is still really focused on his taks at the moment but putting pieces in place for the future he wishes to protect. So in general, he is just working and staying chill.

Shotaro

5 of Chalices

So generally he is feeling immature today? That's the vibe. I pulled another card for myself to clarify this and pulled the Devil. There are more layers to that I will discuss later. But generally, Taro seems to be stuck in a more negative mindset right now. I think he is very suseptible to this which is why a lot of times he will come off as unserious or sarcastic- or fall off the face of the earth to decompress and return to normal. Right now, I think he has shut down physically, emotionally, maybe even mentally due to his anxieties. However with this card it is clear it is a bit of an overreaction due to his impatience and uncertainties he is annoyed over. He may be very lazy and not willing to put in a lot of effort right now.

Anton

The Devil

Yup this is the extra layer we are adding. The fact that I have pulled this for him tells me one of two things. Either A- they duked it out, or B- Anton is the one mainly handling or wmpathizing with Taro right now. He may feel a bit suffocated by these feelings but he fully understands and validates Taro. Generally, he is feeling OK, but more so influenced by the bad feelings of Shotaro and trying to not sink into the same realm of negativity. I pulled the Empress after this so they will be fine in the end. Just a little phase here.

Wonbin

6 of Wands

He is generally feeling good. He may be starting a routine of sorts. He feels good about things in terms of the direction they are heading in, so he is putting a lot of physical effort in. He may be doing a lot of creative physical activities like dancing lately.

Sungchan

King of Swords

He is feeling generally well but closer to neutral. There are no super strong emotions. More than that, he is likely feeling very communicative and collaborative. He is focused on some sort of results or rather he wants or DEMANDS to have some results to a certain standard for him to be satisfied at the moment. He is more focused on this than anything.

How is SM feelings about bringing Seunghan Back?

Strength + 10 of Pentacles

Very good omen. The 10 of pentacles is about permanence. If they are feeling this way about the matter then they may be considering it seriously at the very least. But personally I believe they have already made a decision of sorts. With the Strength card as well this suggests that the conclusion will be reached victoriously after a lot of enduring and perseverance.

Bottom of my deck:

3 of Wands

I am going to start reading the bottom of the deck card so we can read the general energy surrounding the entire situation. Currently it is the 3 of Wands. This is about confidence and planning to me. In regards to this situation, and this is something I wanted to put in ending notes too: EVERYONE is working together to make sure that bringing Seunghan back is not only a reality, but a safe and loving reality for him. Mostly everyone is moving forwards with this sentiment, but being patient as we work is also extrmely important.

Final Notes:

For remaining notes, I will be sharing a reply to an ask post on my Tumblr, which I think sums up a lot of what we need to be doing. If you haven't seen it already, read it here: 🩵

[mikimakiboo]

I was wondering if you were doing anything for/with the apple incident. Since it would be like, a clarifying moment for the guys in the tt gang. Like that’s why he’s jumpy and scared all the time. That’s why he was so rude and scared. That’s why he stopped talking to them, he thought they would be aggressive and violent. The servants could think he was cursed by the devil, or a witch or smth. Till it reached a high note, then him and Dream slowly reconciled and reconnect. Then night just starts pouring his soul out with him bc he’s so lonely and scared.

My time to shine and ramblllleeeeeee

Btw since you asked something about my AU just assume I'm in love with you, okay ? I'm your wife now /jk

As you can imagine the answer will contain spoilers regarding Nightmare's backstory SO I'm putting it under the cut :D

So regarding the apple incident, whenever I make AUs including Nightmare he is always corrupted, however the tree of feelings doesn't always fit the narrative, like in Time Travelers AU where Nightmare was born and lives as a noble in the 17th century and not 500 years ago as a guardian

So since there isn't any tree of feelings there isn't any apples either so there technically can't be an apple incident

So that's when the second scenario comes in handy: magic overdose :D

Basically at the age of six Nightmare's magic starts to grow a little too much, he would often choke on a black goop that would form in his soul and go in his throat for him to throw up, and it's a long and painful transformation, I'm talking about years here, from his six years old to his ten years old his magic would slowly overwhelm his soul more and more, come out of the joints, mouth, nose, eyesockets, he would choke and develop quite severe chronic pains until he's eventually covered in goop just like his original corrupted self

One good thing with that scenario is that it allows me to give him a softer personality as he wasn't exactly corrupted, his magic just got messed up, but he's still the same person as his passive self

Now, as Nightmare is living in a very religious time, everyone thought that his messed up magic and black goop was due to some demon possession or that he was cursed by either God, Satan, or any other divine force, and so Nightmare had to go through a lot of exorcisms, lots of different covens but of course none of it worked

He was always insulted and looked down upon as he was seen like a curse by himself: his father died young (when Dream and him were babies), his mother died young too (when they were young adult) and everyone blamed him and his mere existence for it and every other bad thing that happened to other people he ever talked to or looked their way

His own mother, Nim, was part of the people insulting him, by telling him that he was her biggest failure and she should have left him in a coven if only Dream didn't insist so much to keep him

So yeah Nightmare doesn't really think very high of himself and is fully focused on being as good as he can so hopefully people won't see him as a curse anymore

Dream was actually the only one to never turn his back on him, even when they were in different covens/schools (nobles were placed in special schools from 10yo to 18yo, very strict, they had to speak Latin too so that's why Nightmare is fluent) he would always send him letters, so their relationship never got too bad, Nightmare did have a period when he didn't respond to the letters but he never felt resentment or anything toward his twin because he was actually his only friend, so when they were back home together when they got out at 18 they actually became even closer because Dream was really the only one who would listen to him and genuinely love him

So yeah the two brothers are inseparable and rely very much on each other, Nightmare tells everything to Dream and Dream also talks about anything and everything with Nightmare

Now regarding the tt gang, when they learnt about the backstory they did assemble some pieces regarding Nightmare's behavior

Because his obsession with being perfect and not mixing with them, hardly talking to them and keeping his perfect noble image is actually trauma response after years of being talked down and seen as God's mistake, so now he has to appear perfect at all time so he won't have troubles anymore without realizing that this image hurts him too as he bottles up everything he feels and do not act like himself AT ALL

So yeah the backtory do make them understand his behavior better and they do feel very bad for him because obviously it wasn't his fault, he was only a child who should have gone to the doctor to have some magic drained out instead of being exorcized every two days and treated like shit

They'll eventually work through the trauma together

Hope that answers your question :D

[2danesand1cat]

The themes of regret, grief, and guilt have been in my mind lately, particularly regarding my sweet angel child-Damian.

It’s a pretty consistent theme in the comics that Damian believes he is not good enough, he’s a monster, that he’s not like his father or siblings, and that he’s full of uncontrollable anger, malice, and spite.

And while of course each batkid (and especially Bruce) have their own unique experiences with guilt and regret, I can’t help but imagine what all of that must feel like to a kid so young, who is incredibly skilled and highly intelligent, yet also very naive in a way that a child is about the world and their place in it.

Damian is frustrated when people don’t understand his harshness and his intense motivations, as it creates a barrier in the way he relates to his family. Additionally, he is barely able to step out of his own perspective as a child, preteen, and even young teenager to understand other people’s ways and motivations. This would certainly be incredibly isolating, having this drive and intensity you were tortured to develop and that you are now being told is wrong even though that’s all you know. But more than anything, he just wants to please someone, and it feels like they just keep misunderstanding him. This, of course, is not to say they didn’t try. Dick, Alfred and Bruce are his heroes for a damn good reason, but it took a great deal of time and constant redirection.

Even now, as an early teen, he’s still struggling with maintaining all the work he’s done on himself to reframe his self image and control his emotions. YOU KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IT IS FOR A 14/15 YEAR OLD TO CONTROL THEIR EMOTIONS?!?!

Do you know how much guilt and regret that must take, to keep him on track?

His desire to please is so strong because each small bit of praise that he earns reinforces this very feeble idea that, maybe, just maybe, he is good, and is doing something right. Each time he hears these things, it slowly erodes that constant weight on his tiny little shoulders of the guilt he carries everyday.

I can’t help but think of all the times he pleaded with himself and some high figure or something to “please, make me good like Richard. Help me be better. Help me be like Father. Please, please please” as silent sobs gripped his tiny frame and tears poured down onto his pillow.

Or all the times where he is sketching or training or just trying to exist and is hit with a wave of guilt as he has a flashback about his time in the league or even his early days in Gotham. Those are the days when his sketches get crumped because “it’s not worth it to even try to create something beautiful” in those moments. And how he refuses to wrap his hands as he hits the punching bag over and over again, feeling a small bit of relief at every spilt knuckle because “I deserve this pain” is all he can think.

Still til this day, as nightmares come and go, he lies there in bed and repeats to himself that “yes, that was me, i did kill, i did slaughter”, and even though what he just experienced in his dream wasn’t real, it was all at one time very, very real.

There were times when he wouldn’t eat breakfast after he lay up all night, coming to terms with his past self, reasoning that breakfast is for people that deserve it. He must instead punish his body for the its sins. Seeking comfort to placate his conscious was weakness as well. He did his best to hide his guilt and suffering from Dick and Alfred and Bruce, as it was not their cross to bear.

What he forgets, and still often forgets, is that he is and was just a child. And what he is trying to learn is that everyone has regrets, but we are not our past, we are our efforts to create a better future self. It gets a little better each day. He is trying.

At least now, he has given himself the permission to seek out the love and comfort he so desperately craves. When he silently pads into Bruce’s room at night, Bruce understands. They don’t speak, not then at least, but Damian no longer constantly denies himself the goodness that he is learning he deserves.

[elainsgirl]

you know, im actually tired of azriel's bonus chapter being talked 24/7 like its the most major thing ever. I never seen people get worked up on a bonus chapter that didnt even happen at the end of the book! acosf is the reason why this fandom is so toxic!

Hey anon 🫶

I definitely agree. Bonuses aren’t meant to be given such significance as Azriel’s bonus is given. At this point, His bonus seems to be more important then the foreshadowing in ACOSF it self.

“The shadows were ready to strike Nesta when she insulted Elain during their fight? Doesn’t matter because In Azriel’s bonus they disappear therefore that’s the only proof I need to claim that they absolutely despise and fear her 🥸”

Its a BONUS chapter, that too it was only part of a limited special edition. Let’s be realistic for a second - if someone hadn’t posted it online for everyone to see, those of us who hadn’t brought the SE, we would not know the contents of the bonus. If someone hadn’t kept up with SJM and JUST picked up acosf after reading acotar but is unaware of any bonuses, they too would not know about what occurred in Azriel’s bonus, why? Because its information that is not required to know. Its just an EXTRA. That confirms some suspicions in SF. I can go into detail to prove the irrelevancy of the bonus but ACOSF already tells you everything you need to know for the next book. I hadn’t read Azriel’s bonus until two years ago. Before reading it - elriel, much like Nessian, were blatantly obvious. After reading it? Elriel is still endgame. The reason the bonus is so talked about is due to the fact an entire ship relies on it. Gwynriel’s do not have anything in acosf to prove their ship, its just a bunch of out of context scenes and dialogues that aren’t in any way romantic or foreshadowing. Add in the bonus and GA have something to grasp onto even though it contradicts the book and well…the bonus itself lmfao. Then you have eluciens using the bonus as some concrete proof elriel is toxic and a future abusive relationship. That Azriel is an incel who only wants Elain superficially and Elain is just a little, clueless child who walks around lying to people about what she wants.

Antis CLUTCH onto the bonus as most of their arguments and claims use it as “proof” for whatever anti elriel bs they want to spread. But their points only make sense with the bonus, not without which tells you all you need to know about how valid their arguments are.

Feysands bonus is not talked about bcs it easily disproves gwynriel/elucien. Wings and Ember is only used as a way to show how “toxic” Cassian is otherwise its kept under wraps bcs once again, it disproves antis takes. If you had something that dismissed your entire ships within a couple of lines - ofc you’d avoid it like the plague. Its only Azriels bonus that can give them some hope that their worst nightmare won’t come true. That too, the hope is given after they twist and turn the scenes to fit their narratives.

It’s so important to understand elriels bonus sorry, Azriel’s bonus happens during acosf and not after. Its not the end of the book, after the bonus - there is no change or shift in the dynamic between Gwyn and Azriel. They remain as your usual mentor/mentoree duo. Even more important to remember is in regards to Gwynriel, nothing in the bonus is mentioned. Not their session, not the “spark”, not the necklace. Absolutely nothing. Why? Because it is irrelevant. Yet we get told about Azriel’s mood being off which relates to the elriel part of the bonus directly paralleling Cassian after his bonus w Nesta. Because THAT is relevant.

YEP. The fandom was toxic pre-acosf but it’s nothing compared to now. Unless you’re surrounding yourself with content you like and want to see - you can’t just enjoy general fandom spaces anymore.

Acosf brought up:

Anti Feysand agenda

Nesta vs inner circle

critique of the IC

Pro Tamlin apologists to the point of invalidating Feyre’s trauma

The infamous ship war

Anti Nessian vs pro Nesris

Readers opinion being pushed more then Authors intent.

I hope after Elains book - the fandom goes back to being semi-toxic again and more tolerable/enjoyable then it is now.

[doink-boink]

Finally drew my interpretation of Zach's parents!

Have had these fellows in the works for a good while!

Really had to lock in when doing the writing here lol - my handwriting is normally a weird hyper mix between cursive and print. But messier. Hopefully its legible! Enjoy some more yapping about these guys below the cut >:D

Must mention this is within my own AU! My interpretation of Zach specifically is a trans man. So uh! No way in hell Arthur is supportive in that regard. He is a miserable man whose only concern is furthering the family business and his public image.

Really looked to both Moral Orel and Bojack Horseman as inspiration for how these two would be. Did not intend for Arthur to share a name with the character he is inspired by lol - but uhm! He specifically is like Arthur Puppington when Clay was a kid: Distant, cold, though not physically abusive. Emotionally? Oh brother, you bet.

Regarding Kim and Arthur's relationship, that was really dead in the water. Kim is a self published author, or rather, an ASPIRING self published author. She mostly writes crime novellas/dramas, though needed some outsider input regarding the legal side of her stories. So, of course, she decides to reach out to the biggest law firm in the area.

It is initially a short and sweet interaction: "I ask you questions, you give me answers and insight when you can." However, she grows to enjoy Arthur's company, falling for him quickly. VERY rushed marriage ensues! Good god! (Of course not ASAP, within a few months time of dating/correspondence) Not too certain as of right now where Zach comes into the mix, but definitely in that honeymoon stage of a relationship where you don't quite know the person yet to really gauge if things will work out or not.

I mean, things absolutely do NOT work out in the end, but they don't know that yet. Arthur I feel is the type to want a family ASAP. Need that sweet sweet heir to the company. Will accept nothing less than a son. Sucks for him, doesn't end up coming to fruition until much later! AFAB child, disappointment on Arthur's behalf, compassion on Kim's. Like a night and day difference - even after Zach does eventually transition (his mother is deceased by this point) his father refuses to accept it until he dies. By until I mean: "You still are not my son." *flatline*

Kim was there for Zach until the day she died, which would probably be around late middle school to early highschool? In that age range. Old enough to have fond and in depth memories. Which! Arthur is the one who discovers what had happened. Busy writing a novel when wham, sudden cardiac arrest - alone, as she tended to keep to herself. Entire family dynamic changes from then onward, though the abusive aspects of it were ever present. Arthur is generally unsupportive of Zach's endeavors, frustrated that he is going into science and robotics as opposed to law. (Though I do think he'd have been trained or prepped for a career as a lawyer throughout his teens-adolescence)

Zach is the closest to his mother, with most of his fashion sense coming from her. Gotta love the turtleneck sweater! @novazentryx came up with the idea that he inherited his early black sweater from Tazzy Chris from her after it shrunk in the wash, loved that so y'know what! This totally applies here. Not only did he inherit the sweater, but also her V-necklace! (Which, if you have seen Zoey, is where she gets it from! As well as she looks strikingly similar to Kim. On that front I think that was a surprise from Aviva, knowing how close he was to her)

Spitballing with this one, but I think it would be interesting if Zach had assisted in pitching ideas for Kim's stories! What aspects of it I do not know, but maybe names for the characters. Mayhaps that is where he gets ZACH from? Don't ask what his deadname is, haven't thought of that and would prefer not to lol

I think that concludes my rambling! Do not really have anything else that is coming to mind at the moment, so feel free to ask questions or leave suggestions about these two! I will more than likely respond ^^ (To asks or replies) Thank you for humoring me and reading all of this if you're here lol, I really appreciate it!!

[godawfulfruitbat]

hello tumblr, it’s been a while.

like….WAAYYYYY longer than i intended it to be. but man. shit happened. and shit is happening.

i want to apologize in advance as i come with no art today, i just want to do my best to provide a quick life update and some words of love. talking/writing has never really been my strong suit, but i will give it my all regardless.

in terms of life update, there’s been a good handful of things going on during the past few months. for one, i got a job! i don’t talk about my personal life too much here, but there was a good block of time during the duration of this blog where i was unemployed. but im finally working again and it feels good. in terms of surgery recovery, its been…a lot. i had some minor issues with fluid buildup in my chest, and then later on i had an infection in one of my scars. but i am now at a point where im up and running, and everything has been resolved in that regard. another thing i don’t discuss much here is my struggles with physical health. in my personal life, i deal with chronic pain. and, during top surgery recovery, all of my issues just SKYROCKETED since i was off a few of my medications and have only very slowly been returning to their normal level of nuisance. i’m doing better than i was a few months ago, but things are still not the best. i’m at a point in my life where it has been in my best interest to use a cane in instances where i know i will be walking a lot or standing up for long periods of time to deal with some of the pain i get in my back, hips, knees and ankles. it’s been a pretty big help, and it’s an adjustment i’m glad i made. i’m having a lot of big feelings surrounding my experiences with chronic pain, especially now, but i am learning to live with them and move forward. when i am able to do so, id love to go back to posting on here. however, i am no longer at a point in my life where i can prioritize this blog the same way i used to. i will do what i can, and i promise to come back every now and then to check in with you all. every single one of you has had so much patience with me and showed me so much kindness and i am so grateful. you all are wonderful, and i love you very much.

and since i cannot in good faith say nothing, i am from america and i too am overwhelmed with grief and loss. i am still mourning the sliver of hope i had for seeing brighter days in the near future. but to those who see this and are in the same boat, you are not alone. you are loved, your presence matters and is important. your thoughts and your words are powerful, and it’s not over yet. if you need someone in your corner, reach out. i am here for you, as are so many others. i reiterate; you are loved.

everyone please stay safe, and be kind to yourself. i love you all so much. <3

[who-is-page]

Consider Community Writings

Author: Page Type: Essay Words: 920 Summary: Page talks about the importance of personal writings, but acknowledges that they may not be for everyone (including himself). A discussion on the oft-overlooked relevancy of community writings and why you, the person reading this summary, should try to make some.

[Part of the Sol System’s Alterhuman Writing Project for 2024. If you don’t want to see these posts, block the tag #inkedclaws]

There are thousands upon thousands of intricate, detailed writings about individuals’ personal alterhuman experiences and identities. These intimate pieces are a foundational part of our community: in recording its history, in leaving tracks and marks of the ways we’ve changed it (and in turn been changed by it), and in inspiring others to do the same. I can’t emphasize enough how important these types of works are to the very essence of alterhuman subculture and its continuation. As an archivist, I always strive to encourage people to talk about their unique experiences for these reasons. After all, if you don’t write about your experiences, no one will.

But, as an artist myself, only a small fraction of my works talk about my own personal alterhumanity— on my website, only 11 of the 33 pieces that I’ve written go into detail on specifically my alterhumanity (these numbers are excluding essays posted elsewhere that haven’t been posted on the website yet, but let’s assume that the 1 out of every 3 ratio holds). For such a big proponent of folks writing about themselves, at first glance it would appear that I’m not practicing what I preach! Most of what I write isn’t about me!

But that’s the thing: for all that I encourage and want to see people writing about themselves, I also want everyone to recognize that the community is not owed sensitive or intimate information about you if you’re genuinely uncomfortable with sharing it. You don’t have to expose your sensitive underbelly for acceptance. You can write about yourself as much or as little as you want, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. There is the caveat that you won’t be able to experience the euphoria of being understood by others unless you submit to that mortifying ordeal of being known, but how much of yourself you want to put out there is always your choice to make. And for all that we rightfully celebrate personal writings within the community, there are other extremely important types of written work that I don’t often see talked about in this regard enough: perspectives on community phenomena, history, terminology, and similar.

One-off works that discuss the community and aspects of it are invaluable time capsules. They let us glimpse into the ways the community has changed or stayed the same and they show us what people found important, when, and what aspects of it. They show the rhetoric and discourse that was actively being used, and which may not still be in use five or ten years down the line (or may be used in radically different ways). And years in the future they sometimes provide sources and links that would have otherwise disappeared to the sands of time, or otherwise by themselves go on to be used in dozens of other projects and works. While they’re something that can’t necessarily be written by someone who’s only just found the community for the very first time and doesn’t understand it well, that factor also makes them that much more vital for not only historical preservation, but also for folks who are still learning and exploring about it. It gives them information into the community side of alterhumanity, a glimpse into the things that are interwoven collectively between us all and why and how we see ourselves as a community.

It used to be that it was much more common for individual otherkin to have their own F.A.Qs and personal glossaries on their blogs, but nowadays it isn’t something you see often, if at all. And I wish it weren’t the case! I want there to be more F.A.Qs, more personal glossaries, more introductory resources, more discourse essays, more guides, more satire pieces, and more timelines. I love the ways we celebrate ourselves individually, but I also don’t want people to feel like they have to restrict their non-fiction writing to only ever being strictly about themselves. The commentary that people have on the community around them and their place in it is important and relevant— even if it’s the same subject by different people! It’s all useful, it allows us to preserve more of our community history, and at the end of the day, it’s also just downright fun.

I’ve made so many things that boil down to: please write. And this essay might be wearing a different shirt than some of my others, but its message still stays the same. If you’re shy, or anxious, or just don’t want to talk about yourself in detail, that’s fair and understandable. I don’t want people to feel pressured into putting information out there about themselves that they’re uncomfortable with, though I do want to empower everyone to say “fuck you!” to respectability politics and flaunt their unique perspectives and experiences. But if that is something that’s just never going to gel with you (or even if personal writings are something you enjoy writing), I want you to consider every time you’ve had a strong opinion about something in the community, or every time there was a community event or group or time period you found especially fascinating or emotional to experience, or every time you’ve seen someone ask a question that you’ve seen a thousand times before and felt compelled to answer. And I want you to give writing about it a shot. Because if not you, who? And if not now, when? You might end up finding these types of things more fun or satisfying to write than you could’ve ever imagined.

[theultimatekamehamehavoc]

Ranking the Trio based on how they'd potentially parent

Makoto - He definitely has the most in regards of handling kids. I doubt he just sat their and did nothing while Komaru was growing up. Not that he'd be able to do TOO much since Makoto and Komaru aren't that far in age, but I feel he would have had the opportunity to observe and learn that way. Being an older sibling as well lends him to have a bit more experience with caring for those younger than him. Thus, I can see Makoto being pretty good at this. Or well, he'd say it's average but this guy can't help but undersell himself like that. Feel he'd be a good, classic dad.

Byakuya - Yeah. He has absolutely nothing. Or does he...??? OoOoOo! After all, there could be a SLIVER of chance though that he was educated in how to care for kids due to the fact that he's the heir. He's gotta make a ton of them. Buuuuuut, he could just, give the kids off to the maids or butlers something. So yeah. Circles back around to nope. He's got nothing. The added part is that he was the youngest in his family too, specifically in the competition though still the youngest there. Thus, he'd probably have a lot to learn before he can start potentially raising the kid.

Kyoko - Like Byakuya, she probably has minimal experience due to both her personality and how she was raised. However, unlike Byakuya, she doesn't have the "she might have learned at least something about childcare due to rich boy" excuse that might give her a change of having prior knowledge on kids. She legit has nothing. However, unlike him, I feel she'd be quicker to learn and, in adulthood, understand kids more than he does though both of them would be in a bit of a learning curve together regardless. Byakuya's just going to take more time and be petty with the fact that Kyoko and Makoto are excelling at this child care stuff more than him.

In regards on how I feel the three would work together in a parenting scenario (either the three are a thing or they're all just helping out), I feel they'd work good together! They'd really be able to cultivate a well rounded child with their differing approaches and ways of handling a child. Feel Makoto would be good with giving the kid a good sense or morality, Byakuya would ensure the kid knows their worth and can be proud of their achievements, Kyoko can teach the kid good critical thinking skills, and that's just scratching the surface of the possibilities! The trio would also be able to help each other out if the other's not as well versed with a certain task. For example, I feel Byakuya would have trouble changing the baby. There's also the mix of just general parenting troubles they'd face along the way. Furthermore, some other general thoughts I have on this concept is Hiro would be such a goofy uncle. He gives such good weird uncle energy. The kind of uncle one would wanna hang out with for sure and hear crazy stories from. Maybe a few conspiracy theories might be told as well though I'm sure the kid could eventually snuff out the truth eventually, no matter if one, two or all of the trio are parenting the kid. All three of them are smart in their own ways, that's for sure! Moreover, I feel Hina would be a cool ass aunt, definitely trying to get the kid into swimming and being nice to have donuts around every time they visit. Feel she'd also just be really fun to be around (she IS the older sibling in her own family too), the type of aunt who'd spill embarrassing stuff the trio might of done as in their youth. Feel Toko would also have good aunt potential too in a different way than Hina. She'd be the type one would get good book recommendations from. Also, while Hiro and Hina are more high energy, Toko's a lot more reserved so visits with her would be a lot less chaotic and more of an opportunity for learning for the kid whenever they're around. (Syo can supply any chaos anyway) Not saying Toko can't be fun to be around on her own! Feel she'd definitely say some memorable things around the kid, maybe roasting Hiro behind his back which would be humorous. Additionally, feel Toko would underestimate her ability regards to being around kids. Like, she'd think she wasn't doing as good as she was or just have those seeds of doubt in her about it. She has good potential to be just as cool of an aunt as Hina though, Komaru too which one can't forget her! Feel Komaru would be around when Toko is too so Toko isn't just doing it all alone, she's got some help with Komaru in terms of the kid and their potential visits. Also, no clue how to squeeze this in but I just have that weird gut feeling that Komaru would bring the kid to the zoo or the park or just some form of outing. I just feel she would.

[astraearinehart]

──the question shouldn’t surprise her, they have only just started to get to know one another and it is only expected Lizzie will have questions, perhaps still some residue hostility towards her, too, despite choosing to allow her to be in her life and get to know her after all those years of her being absent.

“for you…” she nodded, faintly, reaching out to tuck a golden lock behind her ear, offering a weak smile. it wasn’t a lie; she had thought of her Lizzie, of how she would have been a better mother to her if money had never been an issue —but she had always blamed Claude for the outcome and her running away; there had been times she had caught herself thinking of him too while looking at her second husband, but she wasn’t ever going to admit that. she shook her head. “don’t worry, we have a lot of such talks to have and you need time to get to know me,” her hand fell by her side as her daughter averted her eyes. “and I, you, of course…” which, didn’t seem unlikely, not given how they were able to chat like they had been friends before and now they were catching up; sharing their news and latest gossips, the important events of heir lives.

as the topic shifted to financial matters, which is always a sensitive topic for Stella given her love for material things, as well as money on its own, she made sure to advise her daughter properly —excitement could cloud her judgment, as it had once happened to her, and she didn’t want her to regret a decision because it would cause financial insecurity and struggles; even if she was willing to help her. but she accepted her daughter’s limit and decided not to press further than what Liz was comfortable with. especially not in regards to what she wanted to do in terms of working and being independent. “it’s never too late, is all I want to say,” she added in a soft tone. “I went back to university a year after leaving from here, and I was already almost in my thirties.” the difference was that she didn’t have any kids back at home, and Liz would soon have four of them —still, should she want to, she could make it work.

“did Claude have any other kids?” had he been in a long-term relationship with another? she wanted to ask, but didn’t; she wouldn’t allow her curiosity to take the best of her. “I never had another child,” she smiled, weakly, “and I am glad because I had loathed my second husband.” it was only fair to give her daughter a little glimpse into her past, too, just as she had opened up to her about hers.

⸻ “and does it ever do you any good?” she questioned, and Elizabeth looked into her mother's eyes with the pair of grey-bluish hues, not giving an answer. It never did any good. Her silence was a way of answering the question. ❛ Which is something that you did when you left me and my father behind? ❜ Words escaped bitterly before she could even be able to control her own mouth. Either way, she was giving her a chance. Her grandfather sounds like a moron from all the things her mother told about him. ❛ Sorry… ❜ She says a moment later, shifting her gaze from her mother to the view in front of her. When Stella breaks the silence and starts to talk about the future grandchildren, with the current ones. She is right, four kids are too much.

But Alexander is a partner, in which she can see herself doing it. He is already an amazing dad and she is sure he would be for his future children too. ❛ Money won't be an issue, I have money for all of us. ❜ And she had money for the twin's savings, in which she never removed any money from them. It is saved and prepared for their future. ❛ Thanks for the offer, mother. I will think of it. ❜ She refers to accepting the money from her mother. Elizabeth was still finding it very suspicious her mother coming out of the blue and trying to play happy family with her. However, the younger Aussie was giving her the benefit of the doubt.

❛ What career? I don't have one. I had to drop out of university. I earned a full scholarship with my gymnastics skills. ❜ It came to some point either the studies or she'd be evicted with her father… Much to her dismay, she had to abandon her studies. ❛ I don't even know what I want anymore. ❜ She had a similar conversation with Alex. ❛ Don't pressure me. ❜ A request. ❛ I'm not fully stopped. I back modeling. I was cover of Vogue and recently did a Calvin Klein perfume AD. I miss performing, but I don't feel good to back there yet. For personal reasons, I am not willing to share. I'm sorry.❜

[gem-de-lune]

Daily Vibe Check 11/10

Seunghan only today (I am still doing all members every other day so I will do them all tmw)

How is he feeling today?

2 of Pentacles + 8 of Swords

He is feeling a bit anxious and stuck waiting in this situation. Simultaneously he is juggling a lot of responsibilities and has a lot to think about and prepare for in regards to this situation. It's not very negative, just kinda meh. He may just be physically tired is what I am getting tbh. (I literally like fell asleep for a few miniutes during my meditation before pulling)

What is he thinking a lot about today?

Queen of Wands + Knave of Pentacles

He is mainly concerned about how to protect himself, his peace and his assets

He is moving things around and preparing for a gloomy day because he does not want to be burned again. He is thinking a lot about how he can prevent this.

How does he feel about his chances of coming back to Riize?

7 of Pentacles

He believes that with hard work and patience it's not something impossible. He is feeling very optimistic about this. It's funny to note that is this a 7 card too! I think he is feeling confident and hopeful.

Checking up on SM's stance/what are they doing?

The Emperor + Ace of Wands + Knave of Chalices + The High Priestess

The first thing that came to mind in seeing these cards all together was "Alchemy" or literally like "cooking" in a sense that we are trying to find a bunch of ingredients for the perfect dish we have never made before in history. Essentially, with the Emperor, we have an emphasis on external endeavors and maintaining control. With the Priestess we have an emphasis on the internal and seeking out truths that may be hidden to bring them to light. Then with the Ace of wands- which btw I pull frequently when discussing SM's stance on Seunghan's return- we are seeing action being taken quickly with an intentional and pointed purpose. With the Knave here, it's very introspective energy.

In regards to what we know SM to be, i would say that they are very much active regarding the situation despite silence. They are planning but they are also monitoring, where did they go wrong? How can they prevent this? What will happen if they bring him back? I do not see that there is push back on whether they want to, it is about how to do so effectively without stirring the pot too badly. It's about making sure things stay in control regardless of the outcome. They may want to do a certain thing, and they may try- but they will ultimately DO what ends up being more stable. They are, right now, trying to figure out what avenue is more stable, or how to make their decision more stable.

Final Notes:

I want to reiterate that SM is a corporate entity. Just because they want to do something doesn't mean they will. Just because they say they'll do something doesn't mean they will. And thats when they will say "it didnt work out/could not come to an agreement". This is what I meant by showing them what would happen if they brought Seunghan back. We also need to expend some effort to make coming back a welcoming and positive thing that cannot be overshadowed by OT6 outrage. To do this, we have to create a positive and highly visible image for Seunghan across Korea. Let's work hard!

[tanjir0se]

Every time I think Sasuke’s clear and obvious homosexual obsession with Naruto might be maybe a little one sided, Naruto will do something absolutely insane like walk into his childhood room after two years, grab his dusty picture of Sasuke, gently brush it off, fingers lingering for a moment over Sasuke’s face, and lovingly whisper “Sasuke…I’m home…”

[flecks-of-stardust]

wholeheartedly and with as much gentleness as possible, i truly think there needs to be more discussion about downpour in the community as it is now. for a variety of reasons.

[highly-flammable]

I think the audience discourse regarding Galadriel’s dynamics with a lot of characters is the issue here, which kind of makes some folks overlook the amount of focus Galadriel gets inside a scene. Some very loud people have this tendency to reduce her to her relationships with other male characters (I have seen some others in TROP fandom pointing this out, kudos to y’all). I have felt like Galadriel has been sidelined in S2 because she was removed from the thick of the action for the back half of the season, but she is still very clearly the lead if you spend a minute thinking about the narrative weight of the characters so far. There is a reason the entire show opened with her voiceover. This is her story.

Sauron is the male lead and has more screen space in S2, plus he is the one who is going to make the big moves everyone else reacts to, but even he has to concede to her a little bit when they are on the screen together. Look at the contrast between how Sauron is shown during his scenes with Celebrimbor (you get his secret smirks and the wheels turning in his head, because the POV is his) and how he is shown during the final fight with Galadriel. That fight is a continuation of a scene that begins from her perspective. Sauron arrives, and we still stay with Galadriel. You’re supposed to feel more of what she feels than what he does. And at the end the camera captures what she would see while falling from that cliff, because you are with her, before the POVs split. In Sauron’s next scene, you are again seeing things from his perspective because Galadriel is no longer there.

S2 was Sauron’s season because we needed to see him start to consolidate power, and I think Galadriel’s treatment in this season got at least a little affected by the “superfan focus groups” they did before S1 came out. But now that they have two seasons worth of actual feedback from audience, I don’t think Galadriel taking a backfoot is even an option. This is her show not just as much as Sauron’s, this is her show a little bit more than Sauron’s actually. Because ultimately you are supposed to side with the heroes, and she is the face of the heroes. Other characters will be allowed to tell their stories, but Galadriel is their axis.

I also have to give Mofydd a lot of credit here: she’s a very subtle actor who doesn’t use very easily identifiable tricks to convey things, so a lot of the hard work behind her performance goes overlooked. However, she dominates the scene regardless of who she is acting against (and she is paired with all very wonderful actors who do hold their own), even when her character is being dressed down or other characters have better-written lines than she is getting. Galadriel feels like a force of nature thanks to her performance, and I couldn’t be happier that she is the one embodying this role.

there is nothing inherently sexist about galadriel being surrounded by the male characters. context matters and it centers galadriel in these dynamics.

galadriel is a protagonist and the male characters in her story have the similar roles that the female characters often have in the male protagonists' stories.

while all of these male characters are the leads in their own right, when paired up with galadriel, they serve a subservient purpose to her character development.

even when she is captured by adar, she is in the spotlight and adar takes on a role of the one who warns her about being too self-assured. once celebrimnor is with her, the whole "i wanted what he offered" becomes about her.

she is a stubborn lead doing things her own way while elrond and gil-galad take on the "concerned friends/family" role.

now, sauron and galadriel are both the focus when they are together, neither is sidelined (while usually, the other characters become "sidekicks" for galadriel and for sauron in their respective relationships. this also highlights them being the show's main protagonist and antagonist respectively.)

for sauron, galadriel is the most significant connection he has. she is the one he mirrors, worships, covets... subtextually, it's all about her for him - being bound to her being is the feeling he desperately and obsessively tries to recapture.

as for galadriel, her relationship with sauron is an exploration of her own relationship with power. sauron represents her own darkness, her individualism, pride and greed. her desire for sauron represents her ambition.

and through her relationship with sauron, we explore her emotional and existential complexity, crisis and development, and even needs.

it is very rare to have a dynamic like this as it's often the male characters whose inner worlds are represented by their female lovers. but in this case, the gender roles are reversed.

sauron is a lover who represents her darkness/power while finrod is an older familiar male figure who represents her light/wisdom (this role might be undertaken by galadalf later on, though).

sauron is the temptation trying to pull her under as he fulfills her romantic needs and her desire to be worshiped, bathing her in an ocean of color. and elrond is trying to shine his light upon her, representing her home and community. both support her emotional needs but in the opposite ways.

i agree that s2 shortened galadriel's screentime and it was a mistake, but her having relationships with the male characters is not an issue, in fact, it's a refreshing subversion of the typical gender dynamics.

[katyspersonal]

Thinking about that time when a popular artist was a prick to me personally (claimed that I "baited" them for a conflict when all I did was pointing out something in lore contradicting their claim, without any rudeness or condescension, and basically told me to go hang out with other autists instead of bothering them) but the reason I blocked them was not that, it was the fact that they've admitted on not even caring about the source material and just using scraps from it to do their own thing. Priorities hfngkfngj