#itll look fine in a week
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This is kind of cute but I have the red on hand...
#its been a while since ive dyed it dark so im a lil nervous#the pink is from my last dye the brand i usually use does Not come out#also my hairdresser fucked my shit up lowkey it looked fine at the shop but at home close up its like damn girl it looks like i chopped this#itll look fine in a week
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their dinamic is messy but caring but idfa about you all at same time it makes me want to explode i want to see more of them siu pls
#myart#tower of god#kami no tou#karaka#wangnan#wangnan ja#fanart#illustration#artists on tumblr#wheres my dad he was supposed pick me up 40 minutes ago IM STARVING !!???#living in a big city is shit cos theres traffic jam wherever you go i hate cities#anyway i came up with an idea for a one shot i hope ill be able to put my ideas properly and not mess up things#but its not a complrx story so itll be fine#last night i was daydreaming with me explaining my first bug ass story it truly was my one piece not other story was that complex#my dad just called me he will pick me up in anpther 30-40 minutes HELP GOD NOOOOO im actually starvjng and uuum theres a cafeteria next to#me but that brand is expensive as fuck it is good but really expensive and aint way i will spend that much money#stay tuned if you want to know how my journey to feed myself ends like#i love talking as if it were actual people expecting what i gotta say no single mf is fan mine#i love wangnan so much i could kms#hello its me from the future. so i eat lne of the most silly but yummy food ever#bought the 1st vinland saga volume nad watched look back ALL IN THE SAME DAY how cool is that mmm??????? i love living (just for today)#i miss having a job because id have a weekly income and spend half of it but recover next week and yarayara I MISS HAVING INFINITE MONEY
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Day 2 - Transition. A conversation with your future self. colourless ver. under rm !!
#Trans Jayce Week 2023#jayce giopara#jayce league of legends#league of legends#arcane league of legends#league of legends fanart#transtism real#i have a class early tomorrow soooo i finished this at a . more REASONABLE time today#tonight? idk. whatever. slay#transition#jayce talis#thats who this ! is supposed to be specifically but itse fine it works either way itll do teehee#meowing loudly . the colours on this gave me sooo much trouble#fun pose!!!!!!!!!!!!! colouring makes me murderous#man of progress my ass. man of horrible colur harmonies and unessesary additions to the pallette (looking at you yellow sock)#BUT !! all in all i Guess i like this piece :] itse a more ambitious pose than id usually try and!! other than the legs floating a bit it#has pretty !! decent contact points ect i think so :)#figure studies my belobved youve made me a much better man#i am this close to putting vik + jayce into some sort of artist au thing because autism begs me to mix special interests#viktors the type of freak to learn about sine waves and proper physics terms to properly animate a dress in the wind or something#them working in a studio together? i am crazy. i am insane. autism is overtaking me. im half human and half foxy /ref#shoutout to me for talking so much in thesetags also. stay winning jase nation. if you read to the end of these you get a prize
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I trimmed my fringe too short and a feel like a toddler that snuck off with the scissors 🙃
#i did it like a week ago and it still isnt any better#ive been cutting my own hair for years how did i fuck up 😩#i know itll look fine in a couple more weeks but if my hair aint right none of me looks right
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I'm so excited and so nervous for this job. Mostly excited though
And I'll be getting blocks of days off and get to just hang out and spend time around the area of the southern appalachians. There's so much I wanna do around there and I'm excited to get to do it
And I'll probably be doing a lot of it alone which I'm fine with. I'll get to get more used to just going and doing things by myself and taking my time.
#gotta look for museums around the area#i have a week long training in the field and then 3 days off that i think ill use to just chill around town#itll be kinda tough cuz ill be really tight on money until i get my first paycheck which wont be for two weeks. but itll be fine#theres an aquarium in town. maybe ill check that out.#and i wanna spend at least one of my times off just going around that area cuz thats where my ancestors are from#visit the site of their town. blythes ferry. gravesites and house sites and pre contact archaeological sites.#also for friends and such ill likely have no service so if i disappear thats why#ill turn my queue up before i go in the field if i remember. whatever haha
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#its seems we really may be at the end of vanity#i missed a call from my dad and thought we might be in a connors birthday situation but no. not yet#he did say that it feels like this is it bc my mom's situation is complicated bc she has so much wrong at this point#its like a h0use md episode. the doctors dont seem to kno what to do and shes not very coherent#so my dad was saying that i should look at flights and by tonight hell let me kno if i should pull the trigger and buy a one way ticket home#it sucks. he sounds rough. i feel so bad for him. his wife of 29 years is dying#its not fair. shes only 53#i wanna be there but im stuck here across the country. i wanna go home. thats a bit frighting tho bc itll take me at least 10 hrs to travel#and i dont want her to die while im in the air but i also dont want her to suffer#i hope she gets better but if she doenst i hope its fast. there dont seem to do any good options. shes so tried and its so complicated#and if she does get better than this then what would that even mean? my sister says it doesnt feel like there will b a better anymore after#this. and bless her to the ends of the earth she reached out this morning and was giving me updates#comforting to kno im not just being dramatic. its actually just really bleak#its kinda funny tho. my sister was like meh it doesnt seem so bad and then like 10min later she was like yeah no i was wrong its sorta#horrible apprently shes been deterorating#god. if i go back home do i take clothes for a funeral? do i keep up to date with my genomics class? will i become offset from my graduate#cohort? will i get my wish to play with legos at home? all questions worth considering#well. ill deal with whatever comes. so it goes. itll b fine. i mean ill b fine#just sad ya kno?#three weeks ago she was alright and saying she could fly out to take care of me after oral surgery#now shes dying#unrelated
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tried putting on my radiator for the first time this winter (we've had snow this week.... its focking cold) but it trips the fusebox for the entire flat lmfao. I'm fuuuucked 😐
#all the other radiators work fine its just mine :'(((#and bc its thw weekend they wont come out to fix it until monday at least so thats great#its fine i havent needed it on this week so far and i have layers and a hot water bottle so ill be fine but i did cry abt it a bit#but not so much abt the radiator just a lot on my mind.. i couldnt pick up my prescription after work either bc the secretary left half an#hour early and the very kind nurse who had a look for it anyway couldnt find it and i cant get there any earlier next week bc of work#i know itll be fine ive already sent an email to ask if they can send it to my local pharmacy instead ill get my meds before they run out#but still i cried a bit walking home from the clinic 😢 just been a long week even if not a bad one. and i miss my friend whos moving#he'll be on the plane now.... man. its a bit selfish but im also sad abt it bc he always noticed how i was feeling when i was at the gym#like if i was privately dealing w some shit or just wasnt quite myself he could tell n would find a moment to gently ask or just be there#without probing abt it like man hes so reassuring and kind and has such a big heart. before he left he asked me to look out for some of#the quieter ones in our group and make sure they feel included and someones listening to them when he wont be around to anymore#😢💔💔💔💔 and i know i didnt know him long enough to become proper good friends with him but it meant a lot that he looked out for me#like all i really want in this world is to feel seen n safe esp when im having a hard time. and none of my closer friends really do that#and thats okay like its not their fault and they just express their way of caring differently but sometimes i feel so lonely ah....#and also my period is due and im kind of scared of how painful itll be bc the last few have been so bad snd i find loneliness a lot harder#when im in a lot of pain and anyway this is all probably just the pre period hormones making me so tearful so it doesnt matter#its ok made a big bowl of rice so im going to eat that wrapped up cosy in bed with a movie i think. and then sleep#.diaries
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#okay. okay. i have a meeting with my advisor tomorrow morning about my personal statement which i am working on...at some point tonight#listen i have the three i need to do outlined i just need to get my draft done for tomorrow#so itll probably be a late night tonight. as it goes with deadlines and adhd. many such cases.#and after my meeting tomorrow i will be able to focus solely on packing for the next few days. which is big!#that needed to be done like. yesterday. but its fine i have boxes to get started i have my suitcase for my essentials and i can easily#start making a dent in the shit i am taking to my dads place#my new concern however is replying to my professor with info on letters of recommendation and how my second professor never fucking#answered my email. but i think hes on sabbatical rn so ill need to find a back up. which sucks bc i loved him and he loved me.#would have been a great rec#but its fine. we persist.#okay. okay. guys i can see it. i can see the light at the end of the long long tunnel#this next week is gonna kick my ass but its FINE we PERSIST and once its over things will get so much easier.#okay. okay!!!!!! listen if anyone sees me reblogging shit after this. look away. my executives are trying their best but they dont function#very well. its fine. its fine!!!!#personal
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#ooc.#good news tho my kidney be fine no infection which was on the table for a couple days#health issues /#ill go sleep soon very sorry for no ic stuff#ill try my best to do some but this week looks like itll be a lot#if anyone wants my discord to yap with me let me know#tmr is the next app at a diff doc#lays down
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Excited to announce I think I'm officially an adult now (just turned off the lights in my room and had a sobbing meltdown at work)
#besties it is not going great this week!!!#have maybe gotten 3 good nights of sleep in the past 2 weeks and there's always some new fucking thing being put on me at work#or constant changes in my schedule which i have an annoyingly hard time with still#like covid forced me to get way better at being adaptable but my brain still Hates It#and tit is starting to become less of a escapism tool and more of a stressor bc my show's coming up#and i dont know what to fucking wear or say or bring or do for my pics#and also ive never in my life traveled to a big city and gone to an event alone and im sure itll be fine but its scary for me#AND ALSO the fucking election is coming up and thats happening the week of my tit show#which is sooooo bad for me like just the worst possible timing#esp if god forbid things are looking very bad by that friday like i will probably have a full mental health crisis if trump wins#i just need to like get through to thanksgiving and have a good outcome for the election and maybe i can catch my fucking breath man
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Starting the birth control thing today and it may or may not change my entire demeanor (on account of balancing out my shit hormones bc I apparently have PCOS lol) so if I am a different person after this now you know why 👍
#speculation nation#tho most ppl dont experience much of any symptoms when taking it. so ykno maybe itll be fine#it also has depression as a risk and like i dont know if thats actually a risk factor for me#i find joy every day in life even in the little things#i cannot imagine not looking at a small leaf and not feeling joy. or any creature. hearing the ripple of water in a stream#joy is all around us... i will not get depressed...🙏🙏🙏 manifesting#anyways yea the birth control is primarily to balance out my system bcus everything's shit and my periods are wack#it's so weirdly regimented tho. like right down to the day and the cycle and the placebo week (for period week)#my gynecologist said that if i want to skip a period i can just move right on to the next pack tho. very convenient.#might do that if my period would fall on like a vacation or exam week or smth. ykno#i wonder if this'll affect how painful my periods are too. first days are always so debilitating for me#pls take me back to the mild periods of my youth im begging u#(by youth i mean teen years. they were so mild then. i miss it.)#anyways yeah heres more possibly tmi about me. youre welcome
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Feeling a debilitating sense of dread and despair 🤨 Which probably means nothing😍👍
#girl help i cant get out of bed i feel so so awful for no reason at all#literally my soul is gone or something#i have no desires and no joys and no sense of being blessed#which is crazy bc i love life and im so blessed ! usually.#ig i should do something abt it tomorrow if it doesn't get better#alternatively get back into therapy bc tbh... after that horrible sex thing ive felt kinda off#like even after i was able to eat and sleep and function normally without the tremors and head jerks and whatnot#like its not dramatic anymore but i kinda feel drained of life and joy#moments of genuine happiness and fulfillment are ... ? idk. i did feel happy once this week and that was nice but it didnt last obviously#but like ! im not depressed in a depressed way. i take good care of myself and i read my books and eat food and hang out with friends#i just kinda dont recognise myself ig. i mean i know ill get my spark back but maybe i need some professional help#idk !! it kinda feels very silly tho#like ive been in and out of therapy for more than half of my life. and being one year therapy free was a big step for me !#so going back for this little ridiculous freakout feels like a setback#kinda like im making up things to be wrong with me just so that ill have someone to talk to ? or to have attention idk#it doesn't make sense bc i really was proud for getting bettter and i rly dont want to be in therapy anymore#but who knows 🤷♀️#there is also this slight risk. just clinically speaking by purely looking at symptoms of certain things. with no stake in the matter! lol#that there might be something bad and [lets not think too hard about it] that lies as a root cause of my little mental breakdown#like according to my sex having friends losing your virginity is awful but not THAT awful and not in THAT way#and my friend kinda said i scared her with how i was acting when i talked to her abt it. like my demeanour and body language and whatever#and i do trust her to know whats normal versus concerning when i dont have my own stable grip of reality#plus. if i was an outside party and applied my psych education on myself. i would say its not looking super good#but i cant really do that bc im not some random patient. im me myself and I 😩✋️ thank you#but whatever. itll be fine. tomorrow will be a better day ! yay !
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she has had a glowup (old on the left new on the right)
#i like rly hate the key in the new version but if i dont have it i just have a big empty space 😭😭 i would be fine having likee. a notes#soace i feel like thatd fit vetter but umm. like. i dont have anything to write Lol#and i wanna have the key on there somewhere sigh...#im alsooo debating on umm#um. the black spots r to block out days where its impossible to earn points in that category#ie. i only do laundry on sundays i only have chores during the week yk.#the black looks so uglyy 😭😭 + itll be annoying to clear the sheet every week#but its rly annoying to have them just like. blended in. idk...#i suppose i could n/a them even tho that doesnt rly solve the Annoying to reset thing#but. sigh. i suppose theres nothing 2be done#i will switch them out for n/a instead bc i think thatll be nicer
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Going to costco on two tylenols and an advil hoping to god i dont bleed thru my clothes hours ✌
#sorry if thats tmi or whatever but hell on earth forever for a week every month#i HATE having to go out when this is happening but itll make me look bad if i stay home <3 love my mcfuckin life#itd be fine if it were like 2 days from now. but today. god have mercy
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#oh lads. its not looking good for my genomics exam on Thursday. its all fucked#i dunno. its just been a weird day. bc one of my lab mates is getting ready to go to the astr0biology science conference#and its just so wild how i got here. into the perfect position. i have a great advisor. a great phd project. a committee member who is super#integrated with n4sa astr0biology projects. and so many of the instructors are amazing. my genomics prof is terrifyingly smart#so is my advisor and his wife. and the program is great. ecology and Evolution. its perfect. its all perfect#and yet. and yet. it just feels like its all falling apart. ive lost that compulsive thing thats always set in my chest#and now all i want to do is lay on the floor and cry and sleep and not do anything. why am i so tired?#its just so frustrating. and im sure ive got the most wretched vibes bc im constantly like 1 comment away from bursting into tears#like 2 weeks and its done. then im off to find a summer job. and find a long term job. and consider throwing away everything ive ever worked#toward. just let it all burn. im so tired. and i dont get to see my therapist until Monday. thats gonna b fun#hi. hello. since last i saw you my life has crumbled into pieces. ugh. i just dont wanna fail this genomics exam but it looks like that's#where we're headed. maybe i should have just dipped out of these last 3 weeks. but no. i didnt want to leave the lady i ta for 100 lab#reports to unexpectedly have to grade 4 days before grades are due. ugh. itll b fine. i mean it wont but whatever#unrelated
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#delete later#the decision between microdosing bg3 spoilers in order to msybe reduce the amount i will be overwhelmed when playing it#anf not looking at anything bc the interest level is getting to the point of i may end up having a panic attack#i saw one of the voice actors is from near where i grew up and got super excited bc no one ever knows my hometown and that#has NOT helped so now i know im getting pulled in whether i want to or not. so noe its just trying to mediate its effects#try and make it so i dont get so overwhelmed that i start having panic attacks and meltdowns#i think im just gonna have to stay away from his character completely until ive properly chilled. no idea why but any like#thing where my hometown is mentioned just makes me super syper super happy and that is like the QUICKEST way for me#to get panic level overwhelmed#its a really odd one and i really dont understand why it happens but it does#microdosing may be the wwy to go otherwise ill build it up to the point that i won't be able to play it bc of the anxiety#autism is wild i rly wish i didnt have it. in good news i problem solved very well today. it did make me so exhausted and#overstimulated that i couldnt do anything else today but hey. i still managed. im so anxious about next week. itll be fine though#also since i haven't had a media special interest for a hot minute ive been able to become more aware of the bits of it that are#unhealthy in terms of my mental health abd im gonna have to do a lot of picking abd choosing what to interact with#which is going to make media special interests straight up less fun but also i know that that shit can fuck up ny brain#way more than like bugs or folk tales.#one of which is avoiding stuff about the real ppl behind it bc cementing stuff ij reslity with real ppl can make things worse#in my brain bc i tend to gave difficulty seperating ecerything anyway#i daydream constantly and i need that to stay with fictional things bc if it goes into reality things it starts to get way worse#this ended up being a weird rant about how my brain struggles to stay in reality but that's fine ignore me
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