#itll be.... a rlly long project

[mauricemylittlemeowmeow]

once again advertising:

[motifenjoyer]

❤️️❤️️❤️️ :3

i have multiple wips so i'll talk abt All of them

this may get long, so.

icdwd - aka i couldn't dance with death if i tried!! its a zero escape fic mostly exploring a potential (loveless) relationship between akane and mira. its abt a lot of things i realize i never rlly touched upon in my other works?? for context im aromantic and i like. Constantly talk abt it even to my allo friends esp abt the constant amatonormativity the world likes to throw at us. specfically how ppl feel pressured to be in a relationship. why? well, various reasons: to fit in, to be seen as "more mature" (aspecs tend to experience infantilization and this doubles if ur autistic), to be seen as human, bc u feel like itll make u whole, bc u dont realize theres another option!! ive always hced my favs as aro ever since i realized it, but i always used to focus on the ace part of my identity. so i never rlly got to write a fic that explores aromanticism, aside from a fic i wrote four years ago in which leorio and kurapika hxh r in a qpr

another thing is i have ocd and for that reason, i dont like to write abt sexual topics . but in this fic, ive been sorta delving into that (its literally nothing just a fade to black that immediately goes to like the character waking up in another character's bedroom) and idk i think it shows my growth in a way?? that im willing to finally write that stuff without my ocd trying to kill me??? idk its . smth

im also having a Lot of fun writing akane and miras dynamic. i think, with me hcing them as aro (akanes aroace and miras an aro lesbian), i feel itd stand out more compared to other mirakane fanworks and interpretations . like this isnt a relationship ur supposed to root for!!! its abusive, its messy, its Uncomfortable, gory, and both women have ulterior motives. idk i like writing abt two unabashedly flawed queer women and having them navigate a relationship when one has no experience while the other has experience but whose disability prevents them from connecting w others (akane has a similar struggle), idk!! its an interesting dynamic

queerpei - i like a lot of the descriptions i wrote. im so used to writing akane that its soooo weird writing in the headspace of anyone else. but junpeis introspection is fun, like he has a mind of his own... i have this experience when writing akane (im plural so. go figure) and even when writing diana

angelus custos - so im kinda in the planning stage for this one but . Wow. im so proud of myself and how far ive come with this project, and just in general?? i used to primarily be a fic writer until 2018, when i decided to dabble in making my own characters. its always been bittersweet, bc my friends (all artists, never writers) would tell me to just make ocs instead of fanfic and my 12-14 yr old self would always be upset by that. so my characters never rlly came into their own so to speak

until This Year. ive been watching this rlly awesome youtuber named local script man. he's a screenwriter but a lot of his advice can apply to writing as well. i dont remember which video it was, but he talked abt how a characters' motivations can serve as fuel for smth deeper, like an insecurity for example. which THEN can serve as a backstory. and idky but it all clicked in my head?? character work became so much easier when i applied this to my process. i no longer had trouble w coming up w things that seemed to come naturally to most. bc i Know im good at fleshing out characters, i just needed to know how to do it for original work, even tho ive had friends praise my characters in the past

but yeah thats prob the best part of the story rn . im still having trouble w what their voices would sound like, speech patterns and the like, but thatd prob come around when i actually write the damn thing lol

BtSoyT - the idea itself has me so excited!!! ive been watching some horror movies, specifically recs from my friend @zebatverse hehe, and idk i feel like ive been getting more inspo and knowing what i'd wanna do if i were to write horror . i have several other ideas besides this in my notebook but this is one i wanna write the most. i even made a moodboard for it ^_^

[misarem]

umineko ep 1 impressions

i liek never rlly successfully text post on here. but since i keep fan art and vgm on here i thought i might as well track my progress on this million word 100 hour visual novel JOURNEY to look back on later. obv spoilers for the first episode and its tea party and ??? segment.

for the most part, what drew me into umineko was atmosphere and that amazing ost and ive watched little out of context vids on the game just to get a taste cuz im just rlly into it. im so glad i chose Umineko Project over 07th mod for my first pt since just small things like the rain effects and the lip synching add so so much. the Experience of Umineko just has really nice levels to it. Ive listened to goldenslaughterer like a million times just from that one erika furudo clip and it didnt lose a bit of its power when i heard it for the first time in the scene at the garden shed and it made that whole scene just so exciting after literal hours of shifting from light playful scenes with the cousins and tense scenes with the ushiromiya siblings, building upon both heavily only for both sides of the family to just come crashing down in one morning.

speaking of the cousins i feel like theyre by far the most fun characters to hang out with outside of maybe eva and natsuhi reading the fuck out of each other. i have a long history of immediately gravitating to my cousins during family get togethers and its really nice to see they more or less keep their camaraderie through the events of the first episode except for maria but like. lmao. also seeing the cousin's varied reactions to their parents deaths hits kinda close as someone who has a really strained relationship with theirs. how grief manifests differently for each of them based on the trauma and issues they have with their parents is so interesting to see and i feel like a lot of games dont really explore this besides the kids feeling generally sad abt it, and im super excited to see the inner workings of this family laid bare.

that also includes the parents as siblings too cuz even tho theyre all kinda fuckheads in their own way, theres some real truth to how their upbringing kinda ruined all their relationships and potentially their outlooks on life. and even tho krauss is the most outwardly fucked up most of the time, rosa is Super sinister to me just being a character whos at the lower end of a power dynamic but still having responsibilities as a mother. of course we know how she mistreats maria and it would be nice to see rosa like admit that her issues with maria are somewhat her fault, but it would also be nice to see rosa begin the path of redemption and like ive seen clips of her with the rifle in one of the episodes so im sure itll be somewhere hopefully. at the very least i like the inlaws a lot too, hideyoshis nice, kyrie is super cool and the irony of her "flip the chessboard" outlook not being used before krauss could turn the tables on his other siblings earlier, because rudolf wouldnt let her talk, is not lost on me, and i was unsure abt natsuhi at first and she def still has issues but she really grew on me by the end after she had sorta made up with jessica, especially the scene where she accepted the charm from her daughter. again i gravitated toward jessica from the start and her experience feels like the richie rich version of how i was in high school, and her and her mother have a lot to sort out with each other, but the gesture and the fact that they both at least tried starting to make things better was just. so sweet. as for other characters, i rlly like kanon and shannon, the other servants besides like the chef guy are cool and kinzos funny as hell (love that in the UP translation he calls jessica fucking ILLITERATE for being a c student. like damn girl me too). again i cant wait to see how everything pans eventually pans out.

this is just a tentative ranking for the characters ive seen so far. i maybe coulda put george one rank lower idk, even tho ive seen hate for him, i just kinda like him. hes good with kids and the scenes where he lost his loved ones were touching. and like yea his relationship with shannon from a power dynamics perspective isnt great but i feel like it was kinda fraught to being with anyways.

for the plot i admittedly dont have a ton of ideas so far. ive never been one to make crazy predictions on stories as i was experiencing them. and im trying to here which is why im writing everything out. but, with my previous exposure to the game being crazy out of context clips, it makes the main conflict of the first episode being the issue of an 19th person and the reality of magic kinda weird considering. all the shit ive seen. with witches. and is anticipating crazy shit. i rlly didnt know what to think until the tea party and the ??? segment which did elucidate things. guessing that going forward, instead of having to reckon with the presence of magic, battler is gonna keep his strong stance against the "magical/fantastical/etc" and that he and beatrice will be diametrically opposed, considering i also know how they end up in debates later on and stuff like that. bernkastel in the ??? segment also explains how beatrice is more of a metaphor of an abstract concept rather than a person which also makes things kinda simpler in my head. and i know about the metanarrative aspects too (clocking all the detective literature references) so im prob gonna hold off until i see a bit more of it to make any crazy predictions. i mostly just wanna see new perspectives on some of the weirder happenings like the tool shed murders and the chain locked room, why natsuhi shot herself, how the key to the gold was even located so that the first six could be chosen and everything else. super excited to jump back in with episode 2, even tho the previous episode felt like it took eons to get thru, and i cant wait to see how everything changed over the course of this game.

also i swear to god if this girl is who i think she is-

[simothys]

make a persona of sorts! give ur persona all.yhe crazy things yiu want or visualize yourself having! yhe only thing i rlly keep consistent w me and my persona is our body types but go crazy go wild !!

oooo maybe!!! i think id end up being very picky with what my persona would look like, too, but this is good advice! i think, in the long run, itll do me good to draw myself from reference for this project (both artistically and so i can know what i look like besides the broad strokes), but now youve got me thinking about personas and fursonas again 🤔

[harpyhare]

❤️ - osdd-1b

🧡 - no but when were moved out we plan to get one!

💛 - uhhhh no clue, i know over 70 though, havent counted in a long while

💚 - fairly low

💙 - switch frequently between one or two spots

💜 - absolutely, most being genshin impact but were slowly getting more scp foundation intros

🩷 - yes, just one that goes by the necro subsys

🎥 - me, talloran, alexis, kondraki, and ajax, however 035s been here lately so maybe them

📼 - yes, aquatic creature based (octolings and inklings)

🎞️ - both i think?

📽️ - more

📺 - absolutely!!

🎙️ - oh for sure, one person could love super loud chaotic music and the other could like classical stuff and the two will fight over who gets to listen to music

📻 - lots of familial ones and a couple of romantic ones that usually also are poly relationships with the third being in a different sys (im one of them)

☀️ - not too much, usually itll be regarding little things we did like what we said or where we set something

🌙 - only once a couple years ago

⚡️ - its either we dont notice it or we get a huge wave of exhaustion/tiredness that goes as soon as it came

☄️ - since we dont notice it too much id say quick?

🌈 - i kinda have to be here all the time, so im not sure lol

☁️ - we can usually tell if someone else has main front from their mannerisms (ex. when 035 has main, our voice is very soft compared to a majority of the rest of us)

💦 - its situation based

🌱 - yes!! a lot of people have houses that arent exactly cottages but look like them, but some of us live in the small city area thats in the center (the aforementioned houses are on the outskirts) in rlly nice apartments. theres a river that runs by the city that feeds into the lake where theres platforms that our splatoon intros hang out at and have mini turf wars, the lake itself is where people like fremi hang out. theres a playground the littles/middles usually go to while caretakers watch over them (and sometimes spar cough cough michael and oscar). theres a big patch of woods where persecutors go with a big house in the clearing where they live, theres a few notable buildings too but i dont wanna make this super long :( right now tho the architects are building an area in the woods for all us scp intros thats similar to site 19 but without the whole containing stuff for the most part so we feel more at home kinda and hang out

🌿 - you cant see it from the front room, but theres two doors basically where once you open the small one theres a mini hallway with a staircase down tp the iw which itself is behind a big door with gatekeepers there n stuff if that makes sense

☘️ - yeah, think of white space from omori, its smth like that

🌳 - most do but some who are closer to others are roommates or if theres partners then they have their own place together

🌵 - big for sure, not positive abt complex tho

🍃 - no unless theyre hosting (me atm), afterwards tho they can leave

🪴 - im personally not sure, i assume built though with the current projects going on

🍭 - really long story, tldr needed a new one bc of ex friends being dropped, saw noctivagant and thought it was cool

🍪 - we only recently decided on kori, were collectively transmasc for a few reasons, like our first host connor being transmasc and theres a lot more masc presenting people here.

🍬 - fuck uhh "LOVE IS YOUR DOCTOR BOYFRIEND CUTTING YOUR UTERUS OUT OF YOU AND IM NOT FEELING THE FUCKING LOVE"

🍫 - get the soothers involved or protectors if its serious

🧁 - alana and folly

🍰 - yes!! all our online friends know but only one irl now

🍦 - fairly good id say!! it varies a little bit but usually because they might be mute

🍡 - yes!! we have some people who are into scene, some are into goth stuff and its own subcultures, one little is super into dreamcore and clowncore stuff, ect

system ask game for traumagenic systems!

reposted due to us deleting our previous sysblog <3

remember that you are free to decline any question if it feels too invasive, this is for fun and you are not forced to answer anything 🤍

I: basics

❤️ - what type of CDD do you have?

🧡 - are you medically recognised/diagnosed? if not, do you plan to? (no judgement either way!)

💛 - if you are comfortable sharing, what is your headcount? do you keep track of it?

💚 - do you have a high or low split tolerance?

💙 - do you switch frequently or do you go longer periods between switching?

💜 - does your system have introjects of any kind?

🩷 - do you have any subsystems?

II: alters

🎥 - who are your frequent fronters?

📼 - do you have any non-human alters? if yes, which species are the majority of them?

🎞️ - do the alters in your system use more medical coined roles or more community coined roles? or both/neither? do you find them useful?

📽️ - are the alters in your system more distinct or less distinct from each other?

📺 - do you make/buy gifts to other alters in the systems?

🎙️ - does the taste in music vary a lot between different alters?

📻 - does your system have any type of in system relationships? (familial, romantic, platonic etc.)

III: switching

☀️ - how much amnesia do you experience?

🌙 - do you experience black out amnesia?

⚡️ - what does switching feel like for you? does it vary between alters?

☄️ - do you experience quick switches or does it take longer to switch usually?

🌈 - do you get frontstuck often? what do you do to try to get ‘un-stuck’?

☁️ - do you ever not notice you’ve switched, and suddenly realise that ‘you haven’t been you’ for a while?

💦 - can you switch ‘on command’ or is that something that is hard for your system? does it depend on the alter?

IV: headspace

🌱 - do you have a headspace? if yes, describe it! if no, do you want one?

🌿 - how easily accessed is your headspace?

☘️ - is there a place in your headspace where dormant alters go?

🌳 - do alters have their own rooms/areas in your headspace?

🌵 - is your headspace big, or smaller? is it complex/less complex?

🍃 - do you have specific alters that cannot access headspace at all?

🪴 - did you have to build your headspace over time, or was it just there?

V: general

🍭 - how did you pick your system name?

🍪 - do you have a collective name/identity/orientation? if yes, how did your system make those decisions?

🍬 - what’s the funniest thing another alter has said to you? (internally or externally communicated)

🍫 - how does your system handle in system disagreements in general?

🧁 - is there anyone specific in your system you don’t get along with?

🍰 - are you ‘out’ as a system to anyone? (online friends/partners etc. count!)

🍦 - how good is your communication with the rest of the system? does it vary much between different alters?

🍡 - are different alters part of different subcultures? which ones? (we are!)

[g1rldick]

if everything goes well ill probably have like another two music projects out before the years end, depending on whether or not i get my stuff actually like finished lololololol

at the very best, i can promise u the title of the next album:

itll probs be 7 tracks long but i might take some bits out for later stuff, idk yet (also workin on a pawsible sounds from the cloud-like idea for stuff that doesnt rlly work for "main" albums)

apawlogies im still workin out this girldick music thing >//.//<

[goodnightwindy]

RADIOWAVE DESIGN UPDATE💥 also a bunch of accidental infodumping under the cut umm. ya

[ picrew ]

he now has scars all over his body and theyre from all the time he spent in the forest , all the animals and weather damage and the terrors and such rlly messed up his silicone skin

also it doesnt Always have its hair up but. it's one of them autistics so it usually does lmao

radiowave primarily dresses for COMFORT and EASE OF MOVEMENT bc he spends literally days alone in his room working on technology projects so he just like. wears the same outfit for weeks. sometimes when his usual clothes r in the wash tho he'll borrow smth from lucie [ it's almost always the same singular outfit. hes autistic leave him alone /lh ]

also for the record i decided forever ago that radiowave rarely speaks. it mostly communicates in morse code or just writing on a notepad , but it VERY RARELY will say a few words. it really does Not like speaking english so it tends to opt for other languages like japanese or russian [ which r the most common ones it uses ] but if it's reeeaally trying to get a point across itll just talk in english

mostly he doesnt speak much due to internal voicebox damage , his voicebox and the wires for it are incredibly fucked up due to all the Forest Terrors but hes mostly okay with it bc hes found his own way around :3

radiowave is a very strange type of android because its limbs are attached by ball joints. yk like a ball jointed doll. but its a complete robot , not like a doll that gained sentience. its unusual but hey it looks cool right

also he actually doesnt need to eat at all ? he recharges by. guess what. if someone has like an iphone charger on hand he can use that to recharge himself. im so serious. but ya he does eat sometimes just for the fuck of it but he doesnt Have to

radiowave 🤝 s.cp 049 : wanting access to corpses of their same species to dissect and take apart to figure out the mechanics that make the body work

btw hes a very fragile android as of right now ,,,,,, literally if you push him too hard his arm could fall off. thats bc the joint connectors in his body are severely rusted and damaged from the rainwater that was leaking into all the crevices in his body for so long. its not unfixable tho and he will be fine again someday :]

goddamn this got longer than i expected lmao ummm. thanks for reading i guess if you did ??? hope u enjoyed lol /gen

[screamingay]

i love my nature conservation group i really do but their name starts with citizens united and even though they're older than That citizens united it's like. obviously people are gonna think of That one first so we have to use the longer abbreviation all the time just to avoid that connection being made 😩

[angeltrapz]

I am. suddenly having a very bad night

[cloudeling]

hiiiiii my brain is like shutting down so i don’t have much to chitter chatter about in your inbox but i will string together what i can!

my cat is sitting in my doorway she is so hunched up. fr pebbles is the best (in 100 miles radius of me, mia and pepper are also the best) i’m going to miss her while away. fr just chatting with everyone about school starting huh. i start/move in soon. i feel like that makes me sound like i’m going to college aaaaa

anyway i tried watching some criticize roll today, didn’t quite work out (watched half an hour maybe) but ima try again tomorrow. it’s just so long per episode and i have no art projects to do while listing.

i guess i could try to start a project but i have like 3 days left off so maybe not.

i do want to one day make a fairy choker or whatever they’re called. a necklace/chicken with a bunch of charms and chains that looks like something a fairy would wear

which reminds me to work on a ren fair costume soon. yesyes

anywhooooo i hope you are doing good today and or have a good day tomorrow!! you are deserving of good things!!!

HIII good morning theoretically i went 2 bed before i saw ur ask but actually i stayed up until like 1am trying to mess w my blogs html. still working on that i have not quite managed to get the things i want to work to work. However my blog does play music now !!! sometimes anyways

pebbles is the best fr mias been rlly lovely lately shes been coming over for pets even more often. i think shes either scared or jealous of the dog. who is also doing good except hes chased the cats a couple times which rlly isnt good if we want them to get along. hopefully u dont miss pebbles too much while ur at school :( im sure she'll miss u too poor little kitty but school should be fun too hopefully !!!! i cant wait 2 hear abt it

im assuming u mean critical roll? ive heard thats good but i dont have the energy 4 podcasts a lot of the timee i watch like one and i am. very behind. anyways i hope you had fun with your thirty minutes of that!! hopefully you can get through a bit more soon if u want to

a fairy necklace sounds sooo cool actually .i used 2 have a charm bracelet but i think it gives off more preteen girl than fairy. also ren faire costume !!!.!! rhat sounds so cool i bet itll turn out cool as hell. anyways have a good day !!!!!!!!! i gtg walk the dog i Still havemt gone bike riding with him sigh. okay byeeeee

[dropoutparty]

ngc ramblings part 3- chapter 5

here we are at part 3!!! sorry this one took so long, i originally was gonna make this post include entropy and extus (along with finally talking about face in depth) but it was so fuckin long that im splitting it into 2 different posts! the next part isnt done yet but im like almost halfway done so it shouldnt be too much longer until its out! also before we get into this one:

tw for: death, animal death, and suicide. pls take care of urself and don't read this if those things are triggering for u <3

ok lets get on with the post

at the start of entropy zach doesnt waste any time getting right to the point. this place is bigger than the other planets so far, and zach says the music this time around is a melody that “started out normal but then got distorted” played by a violin sounding instrument. even tho i do sometimes forget that this is supposed to be a creepypasta im not surprised that he said it made him feel depressed and unnerved lmao. anyways, this planet has all new level types in it!! no reused ones!! ok now this is epic. the bosses this time around are megalon, battra, and mechagodzilla, but itll be a good while before we get to those guys because this chapter is long as hell holy shit?? buckle up babez <33 now, before i get into the meat of things as usual im gonna talk abt the planet name! entropy basically means “a lack of order/predictability or a gradual decline into disorder” and that's very accurate to this part of the story. at this point, red is pissed off and is getting desperate, which means from here on out things are going to be getting more intense and more unstable. this world is the turning point in the overall story, basically.

now with that out of the way, zach first goes to the worlds quiz level as usual! this time something was different. usually, in the quiz levels there would be goofy ass music playin in the bg (specifically the GH1D0RA cheat music, if you wanna like listen to it ig?) but from here on out its been replaced by the music from the games password screen, which zach called creepy earlier on in the pasta. im gonna glaze over the quiz again this time, but when we get to the next planet ill talk about all of the quizzes in depth all at once. basically all you need to know for now abt what happens here is face asks “do you like mothra?” and when zach picks no (after going on a tangent abt how mothra sucks lmao,, bro i swear im good at the game my controllers just messed up /s), face enters bastard mode and goes “TOO BAD!” and boom now zach cant play as anyone but mothra. zach is pissed for now but little does he know this is just going to become an even more epic gamer bc of this,, youll never get better at something if you never try and all that.

after that, zach moves on to the first level type- the forest. immediately zach gets an eerie feeling from this level bc he has some kinda fear involving forests at night (i can think of a reason why but ill have to talk abt that later just to be sure). hes also not feelin great about being forced to play as mothra, so the pressure of it all is def starting to get to him by now. the music in the forest is woodwinds followed by slow, rhythmic drums and chiming bells. must have been some ominous woodwinds and bells bc it made him feel like he was intruding somewhere he shouldnt be (oh rlly?? u dont say,, everything up until now has been fine /s). getting into the level itself, eventually zach comes across some weird deer-like monsters just vibing and scares them away when he gets close. later in the level he finds more of these weird deer along with a sloth-like creature on some of the trees and some raptor dudes killing some of the deer. zach shoots one of the raptors but thats about it. nothing really happened in this level but zach noted that he didnt feel like he was playing a video game, but instead it felt more like he was exploring a forest in another dimension. thats interesting for reasons ill ~get to later~ (yall must be so tired of hearing that by now omg,, i know im tired of saying it at least. i was gonna wait until after replay to talk about things but i severely underestimated how long this whole project would be, so i might make a post for the “more on that later” stuff before i get into replay. let me know what u think i should do).

anyways, the next thing zach checks out is the first tv screen level so far. these levels just play an animation with some music in the background, and theres a different animation per level. this time around the animation is of a kid with a beaver(?) head licking a lollipop and the music is the GH1D0RA music that the quiz levels used to use. the only thing of note here is that zach says he had a shirt that looked just like that when he was a kid. after that, were off to some of the weirdest fuckin levels in this whole thing imo- the hourglass levels. these levels have an entirely brown color palette, with grandfather clocks standing in the background (the level appears to be in like a hallway or something) and various time measuring things floating in the air. the music is the same as the board (ig cosby just didnt feel like thinking of what theme this place would have lol). after a little bit zach was rlly happy to see actual enemies from the normal game show up! these are basically like aircraft, tanks, etc. thats not the main attraction here tho, bc this level has its own unique mechanic! this mechanic is the colored hourglass items you can pick up. there are three of them, a blue one that slows time down and makes enemies from the past appear, a red one that speeds up time and makes enemies from the future appear, and a green one that made the time flow normally and spawned enemies from the normal game. zach found the blue one first, which caused a bunch of prehistoric enemies based on real animals to show up. after that he found a green one and fought normal enemies again, and then he found a red hourglass. the future enemies here look like aliens to me, and zach says that one enemy reminds him of something he saw in a book once. eventually, a special future creature showed up and zach was suddenly in a boss battle! or a mini boss battle? that description is probably more accurate. this guy doesnt have a face, and he can only attack by shooting a beam from his face, it sure does look cool! after zach beat it tho, he was off to the next level type, which is basically a toxic waste dump.

zach called it grungy and inhospitable, with the music being a synth ambient loop that made him feel dizzy while he listened to it. this is important because this is the first instance of the game making zach feel something *physically*, not just psychologically. all of the enemies here are mutated to some degree, with him first seeing green mummies with bird skulls coming out from vats of toxic slutch and a brownish cow skeleton monster with spider legs. later zach comes across a deer from the woods, drinking some toxic slutch (delinchous). zach got close to it to try making it stopped but suddenly some enemies came out of nowhere and scared it into running right off a ledge and into the slutch. rip :pensive:. after that zach found more mutated enemies (i.e some things with tentacles and some other deformed thing with human teeth) before he finally gets to the end of the level, where theres another miniboss waiting for him!! this ones a toxic sludge monster with a whale skull who attacks with a mouth projectile and by charging into you. the monster sank into the slutch and thats all for this level babeyy!

the next level is another forest, but this time its winter! its still at night, but this time zach doesnt feel off put, which he mostly attributes to the music. he describes it as a gentle, calm song that almost sounded romantic. the entire first segment of this level had no enemies in it, but dw this level is interesting i swear. the next segment starts out just as empty as the last one, but this time its silent. that is, until the music from “unforgiving cold” starts playing. yaa you remember that place!! i think i said it was less interesting than i remembered but its interesting again now bc it was foreshadowing these levels!! anyways soon after the music started up, zach started to come across tons of frozen bodies of the deer from earlier. some were mutilated, some werent, but they were all frozen and covered in snow. eventually zach does come across something living though, a sloth creature from earlier! its just vibing when suddenly the winter versions of the raptors from earlier rush in and fuckin obliterate the sloth thing. those things just blindly try killing everything in sight, and even start fighting themselves before zach finally gets to the last part of the level.

now this is where shit starts to get crayzay. this part opens up to a big empty field with a full moon and the nice music from earlier back. despite the nice music tho, zach immediately starts feeling dread and eventually he finds a lake. the lake comes down from the sky and starts to crack like an egg, a humanoid figure curled up in the fetus position dropping into the lake below and the moon halves disintegrated. this spawned the moon beast, the hardest challenge zachs had to deal with so far. after he finally defeats it, the screen goes to black and the name “melissa” is on screen, written in red. after that, the screen then says kys. the word kill then fills up the screen, layering over itself until it forms a picture of reds face. its now that we finally get to hear abt the whole melissa thing (which makes it sound like shes been mentioned in the pasta before this but thats not what i mean lmao). to summarize, zach had a middle school gf named melissa (also bro middle school?? wadda hell) who often went into “episodes” where she would stare off, expressionless, before trembling and putting her face in her hands. she and zach hung out in a field at night a lot but one night she just stared at the moon the whole time before running into traffic and dying.

NOW its finally later!!! were not done with entropy yet, but this is the end of part one of entropy so i wanna just take a little break to talk about things so far. this planet is FULL of symbolism and foreshadowing. to start off, i think a lot of the questions face asks at the beginning foreshadow things that happen. some examples are “is time slipping though your fingers?” which could allude to the time levels, “do you have any regrets?” which i think obviously foreshadows the whole melissa thing, “is it safe to go out at night?” and “do you find it hard to sleep at night?” both follow the same kinda theme, which i think relates to how the melissa incident happened at night, specifically out at night. i dont think the forest levels have anything too important in them, other than to introduce the presence of an innocent, harmless creature that doesnt deserve what happens to it later (aka the deer things) which might symbolize melissa. more evidence for this symbolizing melissa comes from the encounter with the deer in the toxic dump and the winter forest, where in the former zach tries to stop it from hurting itself but is too late, being forced to watch it die, and in the latter the same innocent thing from earlier is found dead close to where the real incident took place. the two big themes to keep in mind here are death and time, more specifically the past. most of the enemies here are either made from bones or kill other enemies, there's a dedicated time level referencing things that zach remembers seeing at one point (aka that one alien zach recognized), the beaver head had the same shirt as child zach did, it all connects to zachs past and the death of melissa. as for the moon beast, its the most obvious reference for reasons ive already explained. i dont really know what the moon cracking open and dropping a curled up human into the lake could mean other than some other thing melissa related, but i *do* think that the fact that the moon beast is the most difficult thing zach has faced so far is symbolic of the fact that the trauma from this event has followed him throughout his entire life, and its something he struggles with daily. it could even be the reason why he said no when face asked if he could sleep easily at night. the moon beast also has some black fur around its neck, which i think is meant to represent a tire track, referencing and/or mocking the way melissa died.

its so cool how this entire part of the story builds up to and foreshadows the bomb it drops at the end of the part, giving people something to look back on. a lot of ppl say that as soon as the melissa stuff gets introduced the story goes down in quality, and i do somewhat agree with that sentiment, especially if they want the story to actually be scary, but i think the direction the story goes from this point on is so unique and cool. it does follow the whole “theres a ghost in the game” troupe (even tho it was probably seen as a spin on that originally) but it doesnt do the same cliches as so many other gaming creepypastas do and it really takes the concept and makes it its own. i just think its neat,,,

anyways im done gushing abt this story, lets get on with part 2 of extus!! basically zach has a fuckin panic attack and, after taking a few minutes to calm himself down when its over, he decides that he has to finish the game now because if he doesnt its just going to haunt him for the rest of his life. zach has now realized that the game is “alive” and can somehow see his thoughts and memories, so understandably hes pretty freaked out by it at this point. when he keeps playing, the first thing he does is check out another tv screen level. this time, the animation is of a fish dude just kinda standing there with his mouth flapping open and closed and the music is the neptune board music from the original game. the only reason i can think of for why this is here is maybe the game is mocking zach for the panic attack he just had (bc when u have a panic attack you feel like you can barely breathe, if ur lucky enough to have never had one before and u dont know) but thats abt it. its probably just a random goofy thing cosby threw in there.

anyways, the next actual level is the first labyrinth level. this time around, its a gold labyrinth specifically. the music in these levels is a slow, ominous drum beat with female vocals occasionally coming in and (basically from here on out) the monster zach plays as is now half the size it used to be. i think this shows how zachs feeling at this point, like this whole thing isnt just being a big strong monster and beating up enemies any more, he feels small and scared and helpless in the face of something potentially dangerous that he doesnt understand maybe his confusion about the game is the reason *why* theres so many labyrinth levels here in the first place. anyways im getting ahead of myself. personally, i think the aesthetic of the gold labyrinth is very similar to the green temples back on trance. while trance had a more circular and soft theme to it's architecture and sculpture, entropys is much more square or rectangle oriented. despite this, i think that the golden mazes at least are another religious kind of building, and the architecture is just different because theyre two different cultures who just happen to worship the same spiritual figure (aka melissa. did i say that earlier? i think i did,, if i didnt well the religions worship melissa, not knowing she's a dead human or anything. probably).

moving on, zach notes how the gold labyrinth would probably have been impossible to navigate as any of the other monsters, so turns out face being an asshole was a blessing in disguise after all huh? anyways this place is full of weird gold monsters, lava/fire traps, and stone faces (both in more of an easter island head style and in the regular feminine headshot weve seen so far). zach comes across two feminine heads, one that is more adult looking and pure gold, and another one that looks much younger and whos eyes have red irises and blue scleras. this statue apparently looks a lot like melissa did on the night she died, so zach leaves it pretty quickly. i *think* this is the first time we see the color blue associated with melissa? if it isnt sorry abt that, its been a couple days since i worked on ngcr so ive forgotten some of the smaller or more subtle things by now. GOD i keep getting side tracked ANYWAYS eventually zach finds a non-gold enemy and sees it get picked up by like an arcade crane claw. hes curious so he follows the claw, only to see the monster be put in a big gold cauldron and walk out the side of it as a gold monster.

gonna be honest, no idea what the hell this could mean. like? theres been no themes of corruption or good things becoming evil so far so this just kinda. exists,, yea idk lol. im not part of like any discord servers or anything so all this theorizing and analysis has just been me, maybe getting some small ideas from like random youtube comments or something, so if something ive said so far has been unanimously disagreed with somewhere i dont know about it. thats also why this isnt really a definitive or comprehensive analysis (even tho im trying to be as comprehensive as i can).

anyways zach finds the exit soon after and hes on to the next level type (there's so fucking many of them ik dont worry weve almost gotten to all of them now), the indigo cliffs. the background of these levels is similar to the blue mountains from trance, but now the moon and clouds from the toxic dump background is also here (and colored indigo to match). the music here is just a deep rumbling noise. the first “enemies” he sees here are just a bunch of multicolored little guys coming out of a hole in the ground and jumping off a cliff. were continuing the death theme yall!! anyways zach continues, flying over some more weird creatures (tho some of them just look like dinosaurs lol) before he sees a bunch more of the multicolored guys out and about but this time theyre getting grabbed by birds!! wadda heel!!! zach comments on how the multicolored dudes seem eager to die and thinks maybe the moon has something to do with it (like melissa dude wat!!!! that's crazy /s). at the end of the level there were some more multicolored dudes just walking into a creatures mouth so zach attacked the thing and killed it and the levels over yay!

now its time for the bosses babeyy!!! first zach fights battra (basically an evil moth kaiju), the music is varans theme. battra starts off in his larvae form, where he basically just fought by running into you and shooting stuff at you. while fighting this form, zach noticed that the game buffed mothra because his gamer skillz were too cringe lmaoo. he beats the larvae form and battra goes into his second form, where hes basically a stronger clone of mothra (misogyny). zach fights battra and has fun doing it (for once,, good for him) and he wins yay! next hes fighting megalon (a big beetle/bug kaiju), whos music was gigans theme. im tired when im writing this so ill just give you zachs description of how he fought: “strong, persistent, but dumb”. after this, zach checks out the last tv screen of entropy. this time, it shows a big buff guy with a sack over his head hit a womans head with a sledgehammer while shes tied to a table or something. the music for it was the password theme. i think this is probably here because red is getting angrier? like this guy is still here after i triggered his ptsd?? what the hell!!!

anyways before we get to the last boss we have one last level type to get through- the shadow labyrinth. at this point, zach starts to feel drained because no shit sherlock you just had a panic attack and youve been playing this game for fuckin several hours at this point of course youre fuckin drained. anyways zach enters the shadow labyrinth, which is a black recolor of the gold labyrinth. the music is “evil ambience” similar to unforgiving colds music but distinctly different apparently. there werent any enemies so zach just kinda wandered for a while until the lights turned off, darkening the whole screen and (secretly) spawning tons of spooky enemies thatll chase and hit mothra in the dark. eventually the lights came back on and zach started scrambling to the exit. when the lights turned back off, zach was able to find one of the melissa looking statues and stood next to it. it warded off the monsters while the lights were off, so zach was safe. i think this shows 2 things: 1) its a little more validation for my “religion in this world worships melissa” theory and 2) it foreshadows the way melissa wants to protect zach at the end of the game. zach beat the shadow labyrinth a lot faster than the gold one so were done with all the stages now!! now theres only the last boss and red and were done with entropy!

the last boss is mechagodzilla, but when zach starts the level, normal godzilla is there instead!! its whatever tho bc soon the disguise is gone and its just pretty much the normal mechagodzilla fight (but now hes got a gay beam). at about half health tho, mechagodzillas sprite breaks into pieces like gezoras did way back on earth and reforms into not-mechagodzilla. even tho it looks uncanny (and the usage of the face statue on the front is probably there to further mock zach bc melissa) zach beats it p easily and now its time for the chase. ba dum ba dum thats the sound of a chase.

as usual tho, before i get to the red chase its time to talk about entropy as a planet!! i think the best way to describe the layout is “a big forest with a toxic waste dump in it takes up half the planet while the other half is a large religious temple/labyrinth with a dangerous underbelly”. there doesnt seem to be any intelligent life there now (its all dead by now probably) but there was at some point at least because imean the huge labyrinth is there dude!!! i dont have much to say for this section tbh bc i feel like i've already said everything i wanted to, so its time for the chase ig!!

basically the chase with red here takes place in a labyrinth level bc of course it does. this labyrinth, however, seems to be made of some kind of organic matter. is it flesh? organs? nondescript viscera? idk but it's pulsating and bloody. also this time red has wings too!! anyways, basically zach avoids red throughout the maze, red breaks through one of the walls with his big alien tongue, and zach gets to the end of the maze. nothing crazy happens at the end of this chapter (i think it was crazy enough as is) so thats the end of that and now its time for the penultimate planet- extus.

[bridgesoverrivers]

hi matt.. or mace.. idk what u want to be called rn or how long itll last but this is just for u to look back on because u dont know how to discuss ur actual feelings so u turn to the void, yet again

instagram is so depressing and so is just about every social media ive cycled through at this point.

ive made several break throughs within my layers of thoughts and also thought loops that i dont know how to quite get out of .. that being said i have made an amazing progress on realising that ive successfully lived alone for 6 months despite dramas with friends, family, friends again, along side mental health and health ontop of it all. living in my apartment can be so depressing sometimes.. its so quiet idk what to do with myself but ive gotten the hang of just doing stuff to stay busy without it becoming excessive or compulsive and it’s really nice tbh.

i need to spend more time writing so that i can actually manage to write an essay to cater for my autistic ass which im so confused about because my cognitive function has significantly reduced and i kinds feel like im in the awkward lost period again; where i cant show affection or think actual thoughts and im just talking random shit 24/7 to fill some void or something.

I got a rat 2 days ago (7/1/21.. ironic lol) , his name is Seven and hes about 6-8 weeks old and hes a total sweetheart so far!! hes very friendly and is starting to enjoy pats and company more and more every time we hang out. he likes my big hoodie that i converted into a slipknot hoodie which i am yet to sew so i can wash it n shit.

I have so many art project ideas im yet to fulfill like making music with chloe, drawing on a bunch of clothes i wanna diy and make cool with black and white patches n shit, make a tattoo flash so i can finally fucking start doing cool things but i keep on procrastinating buying needles/ink/stencils for like what the past 4 years

um my allergies or whatever the fuck it is gets so weird like im literally kinda fucking confused but i need to see an allergist which ive also procrastinated for 2 years.. i might have fucky lymphnodes or some shit to explain why my body hates everything i eat mayhaps but like ummmmmmmmm also got diagnosed with bipolar 2 which im like what noo im fineee but also like bro yeah legit spot on lmfao cause i get real fucking caught up in my thought loops and social habits i dont even realise that “self awareness” is probably the most nonchalant i am cause im probably like kinda manic and my brains just doing some stanky leg spiel shit where im on such a high from it i dont realise its just the bigger picture of it and im not addressing problems or knowing they exist.

but hey, while im in the neutral state or just one of the inbetweens where im still just me and im just vibin and i can be conscious of feelings/actions/environment  and i just get really adhd and super lost in time instead is p good.

i finally feel like my interests are back or a will to have any because god i exist for everything i used to be but that doesnt rlly exist anymore and in 2020 i became a bit of a shell but like 1 step at a time i can get back into it like bruh watching shows or movies wasnt on the agenda for like 2 years thats so friggin long but its finally over and im really looking forward to creating so many cool great things as i grow up and into what really is starting to feel like adulthood;;;; even if everything i fucking do becomes more and more apparent that my brain is abit special and i dont understand alot of shit or do anything abt shit but it is so gucci i am simply travelling through time trying to understand my individuality and perpetual ^   this    ^ shits kinda inevitable but i just have to literally fuckn live love laugh cause fuck u and ur mum lol

i hope one day when u read this u find this as good reflection and u get the hang of some things that seem so far away and out of reach.. youll get there whatever that vision is man :) <3

[wern]

here's the long term language learning plan i think. keep learning spanish and start german now, because german will be much easier to learn independently than some other languages i want to learn, even though it's not as exciting to me. i think i can achieve conversational competency in a few years, which is really as far as i want to go with german. so maybe aim for that by the time i graduate my masters.. itll be a side project like spanish. unless i decide to do my master's in french in which case i might just drop german

ASL can wait until i can afford in-person lessons, and so can arabic. both of these have proved really frustrating to try and learn online, and the cultural elements to these languages are so important. im so drawn to arabic but it's rlly the kind of language where if you learn it as an adult it's a lifelong journey, and i think the challenge of studying it will be good for me once im out of school.

for now if i get the urge to work on arabic, which i often do, ill stick to basic MSA vocab, with the main goal being to get better at reading and writing the arabic script. i can decide how to balance the MSA/regional dialect conundrum when the time comes

[celeryjiaozi]

honestly...i dont even know what i want with k**... i care abt him a lot n want my future to have him in it. but a 2-3 yr long LDR sounds extremely painful n exhausting for both sides, if he can even do one in the first place. part of me is just like rip the bandaid off and cut ur losses now, but the other part of me will rlly need a lot of time to get over this. i literally lived 22 yrs before i met sme1 i genuinely liked like this...who i liked and liked me back and didnt make me feel grossed out. hes my 初恋 in many ways n they do say those r the hardest.

i think part of me also thinks an ldr would be helpful in that itll let me just throw myself into work and personal projects and give me something to work towards (only high performers can really be considered for int’l relocation) but i realise this is very selfish thinking and that i dont need a significant other to be there for me to do all that anyway. i think im just attracted to the idea of having a firm timeline and structure in my life for the first time ever and im reluctant to give that up. its just unfair to involve sb else in that if they dont want to be and that is completely valid.

anyway ytd we were at dinner with friends and a tinder notif popped up on his phone n he scrambled to delete n we all made fun of him. i didnt even feel hurt (esp since id also been messing around on dating apps this summer) but i did feel that feeling when u realise ur hw is overdue. im gonna flag him down for dinner today to talk and i hope we can tell e/o how we feel honestly with no hard feelings.

[awisa-moved]

do u think u can suggest a game making assignment if u think itll b received well? :-0

oh i’ve actually made a little game as a final project for an open ended media studio class already hehe ^_^ i’ve considered doing more but ended up doing an installation last semester and this semester all i’m taking are electives and no open studios so … i’ve got like 2 semesters left after this one so there’s always a possibility. got a rlly long break after this semester cuz i’m not taking summer classes so maybe i will push myself and make something outside of school this time 😮‍💨😮‍💨