#itll be.... a rlly long project

[mauricemylittlemeowmeow]

once again advertising:

[angelfevr]

❤️️❤️️❤️️ :3

i have multiple wips so i'll talk abt All of them

this may get long, so.

icdwd - aka i couldn't dance with death if i tried!! its a zero escape fic mostly exploring a potential (loveless) relationship between akane and mira. its abt a lot of things i realize i never rlly touched upon in my other works?? for context im aromantic and i like. Constantly talk abt it even to my allo friends esp abt the constant amatonormativity the world likes to throw at us. specfically how ppl feel pressured to be in a relationship. why? well, various reasons: to fit in, to be seen as "more mature" (aspecs tend to experience infantilization and this doubles if ur autistic), to be seen as human, bc u feel like itll make u whole, bc u dont realize theres another option!! ive always hced my favs as aro ever since i realized it, but i always used to focus on the ace part of my identity. so i never rlly got to write a fic that explores aromanticism, aside from a fic i wrote four years ago in which leorio and kurapika hxh r in a qpr

another thing is i have ocd and for that reason, i dont like to write abt sexual topics . but in this fic, ive been sorta delving into that (its literally nothing just a fade to black that immediately goes to like the character waking up in another character's bedroom) and idk i think it shows my growth in a way?? that im willing to finally write that stuff without my ocd trying to kill me??? idk its . smth

im also having a Lot of fun writing akane and miras dynamic. i think, with me hcing them as aro (akanes aroace and miras an aro lesbian), i feel itd stand out more compared to other mirakane fanworks and interpretations . like this isnt a relationship ur supposed to root for!!! its abusive, its messy, its Uncomfortable, gory, and both women have ulterior motives. idk i like writing abt two unabashedly flawed queer women and having them navigate a relationship when one has no experience while the other has experience but whose disability prevents them from connecting w others (akane has a similar struggle), idk!! its an interesting dynamic

queerpei - i like a lot of the descriptions i wrote. im so used to writing akane that its soooo weird writing in the headspace of anyone else. but junpeis introspection is fun, like he has a mind of his own... i have this experience when writing akane (im plural so. go figure) and even when writing diana

angelus custos - so im kinda in the planning stage for this one but . Wow. im so proud of myself and how far ive come with this project, and just in general?? i used to primarily be a fic writer until 2018, when i decided to dabble in making my own characters. its always been bittersweet, bc my friends (all artists, never writers) would tell me to just make ocs instead of fanfic and my 12-14 yr old self would always be upset by that. so my characters never rlly came into their own so to speak

until This Year. ive been watching this rlly awesome youtuber named local script man. he's a screenwriter but a lot of his advice can apply to writing as well. i dont remember which video it was, but he talked abt how a characters' motivations can serve as fuel for smth deeper, like an insecurity for example. which THEN can serve as a backstory. and idky but it all clicked in my head?? character work became so much easier when i applied this to my process. i no longer had trouble w coming up w things that seemed to come naturally to most. bc i Know im good at fleshing out characters, i just needed to know how to do it for original work, even tho ive had friends praise my characters in the past

but yeah thats prob the best part of the story rn . im still having trouble w what their voices would sound like, speech patterns and the like, but thatd prob come around when i actually write the damn thing lol

BtSoyT - the idea itself has me so excited!!! ive been watching some horror movies, specifically recs from my friend @zebatverse hehe, and idk i feel like ive been getting more inspo and knowing what i'd wanna do if i were to write horror . i have several other ideas besides this in my notebook but this is one i wanna write the most. i even made a moodboard for it ^_^

[misarem]

umineko ep 1 impressions

i liek never rlly successfully text post on here. but since i keep fan art and vgm on here i thought i might as well track my progress on this million word 100 hour visual novel JOURNEY to look back on later. obv spoilers for the first episode and its tea party and ??? segment.

for the most part, what drew me into umineko was atmosphere and that amazing ost and ive watched little out of context vids on the game just to get a taste cuz im just rlly into it. im so glad i chose Umineko Project over 07th mod for my first pt since just small things like the rain effects and the lip synching add so so much. the Experience of Umineko just has really nice levels to it. Ive listened to goldenslaughterer like a million times just from that one erika furudo clip and it didnt lose a bit of its power when i heard it for the first time in the scene at the garden shed and it made that whole scene just so exciting after literal hours of shifting from light playful scenes with the cousins and tense scenes with the ushiromiya siblings, building upon both heavily only for both sides of the family to just come crashing down in one morning.

speaking of the cousins i feel like theyre by far the most fun characters to hang out with outside of maybe eva and natsuhi reading the fuck out of each other. i have a long history of immediately gravitating to my cousins during family get togethers and its really nice to see they more or less keep their camaraderie through the events of the first episode except for maria but like. lmao. also seeing the cousin's varied reactions to their parents deaths hits kinda close as someone who has a really strained relationship with theirs. how grief manifests differently for each of them based on the trauma and issues they have with their parents is so interesting to see and i feel like a lot of games dont really explore this besides the kids feeling generally sad abt it, and im super excited to see the inner workings of this family laid bare.

that also includes the parents as siblings too cuz even tho theyre all kinda fuckheads in their own way, theres some real truth to how their upbringing kinda ruined all their relationships and potentially their outlooks on life. and even tho krauss is the most outwardly fucked up most of the time, rosa is Super sinister to me just being a character whos at the lower end of a power dynamic but still having responsibilities as a mother. of course we know how she mistreats maria and it would be nice to see rosa like admit that her issues with maria are somewhat her fault, but it would also be nice to see rosa begin the path of redemption and like ive seen clips of her with the rifle in one of the episodes so im sure itll be somewhere hopefully. at the very least i like the inlaws a lot too, hideyoshis nice, kyrie is super cool and the irony of her "flip the chessboard" outlook not being used before krauss could turn the tables on his other siblings earlier, because rudolf wouldnt let her talk, is not lost on me, and i was unsure abt natsuhi at first and she def still has issues but she really grew on me by the end after she had sorta made up with jessica, especially the scene where she accepted the charm from her daughter. again i gravitated toward jessica from the start and her experience feels like the richie rich version of how i was in high school, and her and her mother have a lot to sort out with each other, but the gesture and the fact that they both at least tried starting to make things better was just. so sweet. as for other characters, i rlly like kanon and shannon, the other servants besides like the chef guy are cool and kinzos funny as hell (love that in the UP translation he calls jessica fucking ILLITERATE for being a c student. like damn girl me too). again i cant wait to see how everything pans eventually pans out.

this is just a tentative ranking for the characters ive seen so far. i maybe coulda put george one rank lower idk, even tho ive seen hate for him, i just kinda like him. hes good with kids and the scenes where he lost his loved ones were touching. and like yea his relationship with shannon from a power dynamics perspective isnt great but i feel like it was kinda fraught to being with anyways.

for the plot i admittedly dont have a ton of ideas so far. ive never been one to make crazy predictions on stories as i was experiencing them. and im trying to here which is why im writing everything out. but, with my previous exposure to the game being crazy out of context clips, it makes the main conflict of the first episode being the issue of an 19th person and the reality of magic kinda weird considering. all the shit ive seen. with witches. and is anticipating crazy shit. i rlly didnt know what to think until the tea party and the ??? segment which did elucidate things. guessing that going forward, instead of having to reckon with the presence of magic, battler is gonna keep his strong stance against the "magical/fantastical/etc" and that he and beatrice will be diametrically opposed, considering i also know how they end up in debates later on and stuff like that. bernkastel in the ??? segment also explains how beatrice is more of a metaphor of an abstract concept rather than a person which also makes things kinda simpler in my head. and i know about the metanarrative aspects too (clocking all the detective literature references) so im prob gonna hold off until i see a bit more of it to make any crazy predictions. i mostly just wanna see new perspectives on some of the weirder happenings like the tool shed murders and the chain locked room, why natsuhi shot herself, how the key to the gold was even located so that the first six could be chosen and everything else. super excited to jump back in with episode 2, even tho the previous episode felt like it took eons to get thru, and i cant wait to see how everything changed over the course of this game.

also i swear to god if this girl is who i think she is-

[simothys]

make a persona of sorts! give ur persona all.yhe crazy things yiu want or visualize yourself having! yhe only thing i rlly keep consistent w me and my persona is our body types but go crazy go wild !!

oooo maybe!!! i think id end up being very picky with what my persona would look like, too, but this is good advice! i think, in the long run, itll do me good to draw myself from reference for this project (both artistically and so i can know what i look like besides the broad strokes), but now youve got me thinking about personas and fursonas again 🤔

[g1rldick]

if everything goes well ill probably have like another two music projects out before the years end, depending on whether or not i get my stuff actually like finished lololololol

at the very best, i can promise u the title of the next album:

itll probs be 7 tracks long but i might take some bits out for later stuff, idk yet (also workin on a pawsible sounds from the cloud-like idea for stuff that doesnt rlly work for "main" albums)

apawlogies im still workin out this girldick music thing >//.//<

[goodnightwindy]

RADIOWAVE DESIGN UPDATE💥 also a bunch of accidental infodumping under the cut umm. ya

[ picrew ]

he now has scars all over his body and theyre from all the time he spent in the forest , all the animals and weather damage and the terrors and such rlly messed up his silicone skin

also it doesnt Always have its hair up but. it's one of them autistics so it usually does lmao

radiowave primarily dresses for COMFORT and EASE OF MOVEMENT bc he spends literally days alone in his room working on technology projects so he just like. wears the same outfit for weeks. sometimes when his usual clothes r in the wash tho he'll borrow smth from lucie [ it's almost always the same singular outfit. hes autistic leave him alone /lh ]

also for the record i decided forever ago that radiowave rarely speaks. it mostly communicates in morse code or just writing on a notepad , but it VERY RARELY will say a few words. it really does Not like speaking english so it tends to opt for other languages like japanese or russian [ which r the most common ones it uses ] but if it's reeeaally trying to get a point across itll just talk in english

mostly he doesnt speak much due to internal voicebox damage , his voicebox and the wires for it are incredibly fucked up due to all the Forest Terrors but hes mostly okay with it bc hes found his own way around :3

radiowave is a very strange type of android because its limbs are attached by ball joints. yk like a ball jointed doll. but its a complete robot , not like a doll that gained sentience. its unusual but hey it looks cool right

also he actually doesnt need to eat at all ? he recharges by. guess what. if someone has like an iphone charger on hand he can use that to recharge himself. im so serious. but ya he does eat sometimes just for the fuck of it but he doesnt Have to

radiowave 🤝 s.cp 049 : wanting access to corpses of their same species to dissect and take apart to figure out the mechanics that make the body work

btw hes a very fragile android as of right now ,,,,,, literally if you push him too hard his arm could fall off. thats bc the joint connectors in his body are severely rusted and damaged from the rainwater that was leaking into all the crevices in his body for so long. its not unfixable tho and he will be fine again someday :]

goddamn this got longer than i expected lmao ummm. thanks for reading i guess if you did ??? hope u enjoyed lol /gen

[screamingay]

i love my nature conservation group i really do but their name starts with citizens united and even though they're older than That citizens united it's like. obviously people are gonna think of That one first so we have to use the longer abbreviation all the time just to avoid that connection being made 😩

[angeltrapz]

I am. suddenly having a very bad night

[cloudeling]

hiiiiii my brain is like shutting down so i don’t have much to chitter chatter about in your inbox but i will string together what i can!

my cat is sitting in my doorway she is so hunched up. fr pebbles is the best (in 100 miles radius of me, mia and pepper are also the best) i’m going to miss her while away. fr just chatting with everyone about school starting huh. i start/move in soon. i feel like that makes me sound like i’m going to college aaaaa

anyway i tried watching some criticize roll today, didn’t quite work out (watched half an hour maybe) but ima try again tomorrow. it’s just so long per episode and i have no art projects to do while listing.

i guess i could try to start a project but i have like 3 days left off so maybe not.

i do want to one day make a fairy choker or whatever they’re called. a necklace/chicken with a bunch of charms and chains that looks like something a fairy would wear

which reminds me to work on a ren fair costume soon. yesyes

anywhooooo i hope you are doing good today and or have a good day tomorrow!! you are deserving of good things!!!

HIII good morning theoretically i went 2 bed before i saw ur ask but actually i stayed up until like 1am trying to mess w my blogs html. still working on that i have not quite managed to get the things i want to work to work. However my blog does play music now !!! sometimes anyways

pebbles is the best fr mias been rlly lovely lately shes been coming over for pets even more often. i think shes either scared or jealous of the dog. who is also doing good except hes chased the cats a couple times which rlly isnt good if we want them to get along. hopefully u dont miss pebbles too much while ur at school :( im sure she'll miss u too poor little kitty but school should be fun too hopefully !!!! i cant wait 2 hear abt it

im assuming u mean critical roll? ive heard thats good but i dont have the energy 4 podcasts a lot of the timee i watch like one and i am. very behind. anyways i hope you had fun with your thirty minutes of that!! hopefully you can get through a bit more soon if u want to

a fairy necklace sounds sooo cool actually .i used 2 have a charm bracelet but i think it gives off more preteen girl than fairy. also ren faire costume !!!.!! rhat sounds so cool i bet itll turn out cool as hell. anyways have a good day !!!!!!!!! i gtg walk the dog i Still havemt gone bike riding with him sigh. okay byeeeee

[bridgesoverrivers]

hi matt.. or mace.. idk what u want to be called rn or how long itll last but this is just for u to look back on because u dont know how to discuss ur actual feelings so u turn to the void, yet again

instagram is so depressing and so is just about every social media ive cycled through at this point.

ive made several break throughs within my layers of thoughts and also thought loops that i dont know how to quite get out of .. that being said i have made an amazing progress on realising that ive successfully lived alone for 6 months despite dramas with friends, family, friends again, along side mental health and health ontop of it all. living in my apartment can be so depressing sometimes.. its so quiet idk what to do with myself but ive gotten the hang of just doing stuff to stay busy without it becoming excessive or compulsive and it’s really nice tbh.

i need to spend more time writing so that i can actually manage to write an essay to cater for my autistic ass which im so confused about because my cognitive function has significantly reduced and i kinds feel like im in the awkward lost period again; where i cant show affection or think actual thoughts and im just talking random shit 24/7 to fill some void or something.

I got a rat 2 days ago (7/1/21.. ironic lol) , his name is Seven and hes about 6-8 weeks old and hes a total sweetheart so far!! hes very friendly and is starting to enjoy pats and company more and more every time we hang out. he likes my big hoodie that i converted into a slipknot hoodie which i am yet to sew so i can wash it n shit.

I have so many art project ideas im yet to fulfill like making music with chloe, drawing on a bunch of clothes i wanna diy and make cool with black and white patches n shit, make a tattoo flash so i can finally fucking start doing cool things but i keep on procrastinating buying needles/ink/stencils for like what the past 4 years

um my allergies or whatever the fuck it is gets so weird like im literally kinda fucking confused but i need to see an allergist which ive also procrastinated for 2 years.. i might have fucky lymphnodes or some shit to explain why my body hates everything i eat mayhaps but like ummmmmmmmm also got diagnosed with bipolar 2 which im like what noo im fineee but also like bro yeah legit spot on lmfao cause i get real fucking caught up in my thought loops and social habits i dont even realise that “self awareness” is probably the most nonchalant i am cause im probably like kinda manic and my brains just doing some stanky leg spiel shit where im on such a high from it i dont realise its just the bigger picture of it and im not addressing problems or knowing they exist.

but hey, while im in the neutral state or just one of the inbetweens where im still just me and im just vibin and i can be conscious of feelings/actions/environment  and i just get really adhd and super lost in time instead is p good.

i finally feel like my interests are back or a will to have any because god i exist for everything i used to be but that doesnt rlly exist anymore and in 2020 i became a bit of a shell but like 1 step at a time i can get back into it like bruh watching shows or movies wasnt on the agenda for like 2 years thats so friggin long but its finally over and im really looking forward to creating so many cool great things as i grow up and into what really is starting to feel like adulthood;;;; even if everything i fucking do becomes more and more apparent that my brain is abit special and i dont understand alot of shit or do anything abt shit but it is so gucci i am simply travelling through time trying to understand my individuality and perpetual ^   this    ^ shits kinda inevitable but i just have to literally fuckn live love laugh cause fuck u and ur mum lol

i hope one day when u read this u find this as good reflection and u get the hang of some things that seem so far away and out of reach.. youll get there whatever that vision is man :) <3

[wern]

here's the long term language learning plan i think. keep learning spanish and start german now, because german will be much easier to learn independently than some other languages i want to learn, even though it's not as exciting to me. i think i can achieve conversational competency in a few years, which is really as far as i want to go with german. so maybe aim for that by the time i graduate my masters.. itll be a side project like spanish. unless i decide to do my master's in french in which case i might just drop german

ASL can wait until i can afford in-person lessons, and so can arabic. both of these have proved really frustrating to try and learn online, and the cultural elements to these languages are so important. im so drawn to arabic but it's rlly the kind of language where if you learn it as an adult it's a lifelong journey, and i think the challenge of studying it will be good for me once im out of school.

for now if i get the urge to work on arabic, which i often do, ill stick to basic MSA vocab, with the main goal being to get better at reading and writing the arabic script. i can decide how to balance the MSA/regional dialect conundrum when the time comes

[celeryjiaozi]

honestly...i dont even know what i want with k**... i care abt him a lot n want my future to have him in it. but a 2-3 yr long LDR sounds extremely painful n exhausting for both sides, if he can even do one in the first place. part of me is just like rip the bandaid off and cut ur losses now, but the other part of me will rlly need a lot of time to get over this. i literally lived 22 yrs before i met sme1 i genuinely liked like this...who i liked and liked me back and didnt make me feel grossed out. hes my 初恋 in many ways n they do say those r the hardest.

i think part of me also thinks an ldr would be helpful in that itll let me just throw myself into work and personal projects and give me something to work towards (only high performers can really be considered for int’l relocation) but i realise this is very selfish thinking and that i dont need a significant other to be there for me to do all that anyway. i think im just attracted to the idea of having a firm timeline and structure in my life for the first time ever and im reluctant to give that up. its just unfair to involve sb else in that if they dont want to be and that is completely valid.

anyway ytd we were at dinner with friends and a tinder notif popped up on his phone n he scrambled to delete n we all made fun of him. i didnt even feel hurt (esp since id also been messing around on dating apps this summer) but i did feel that feeling when u realise ur hw is overdue. im gonna flag him down for dinner today to talk and i hope we can tell e/o how we feel honestly with no hard feelings.

[awisa-moved]

do u think u can suggest a game making assignment if u think itll b received well? :-0

oh i’ve actually made a little game as a final project for an open ended media studio class already hehe ^_^ i’ve considered doing more but ended up doing an installation last semester and this semester all i’m taking are electives and no open studios so … i’ve got like 2 semesters left after this one so there’s always a possibility. got a rlly long break after this semester cuz i’m not taking summer classes so maybe i will push myself and make something outside of school this time 😮‍💨😮‍💨