#it's why i love him swearsies

[battleslippers]

giyuu's likely my favorite hashira but he really IS a freak. who the hell just sits in a sad ass unfurnished house like that. him apparently

[trashbaggage]

a mr. and mrs. smith-flavoured assassin au

geralt and jaskier are assassins for different firms and run into each other on a job, thinking the other is a civilian. they use each other as a cover and (fall in love) get married, it’s all for the cover, swearsies :)

cut to like, 5 years later. they got a house in the suburbs and ciri stays with them every other week when she’s not at mom!yennefer’s place. they’re a little domestic family.

yennefer, unbeknownst to them, is the head of the firm jaskier works with. tissaia runs the other firm which employs geralt, and the two have a (mostly) friendly rivalry going on. ciri sees what’s up with her dads and tells yen; yen can’t believe the two most unsubtle (when not on a job) people she’s met haven’t clued in to the fact they both kill people for a living. she thinks it’s hilarious. she tells tissaia. she also thinks it’s hilarious and even lets out a slightly inelegant laugh. they decide to help the boys by sending them both on the same fake job.

the day of the set up comes, and while they’re both trying to go for the target they see each other. they’re both incredibly startled, and geralt sees jaskier give a sheepish wave through his scope as the target gets away.

jaskier gets back to the house first, with geralt not far behind, and before jaskier can get more than a “well, that was awkward darling” out geralt slams him up against a wall. jask is a bit disoriented but soon gets with the program. they fight and roll around (making a right mess of the place, good thing yen planned for this all to happen when it was her week with ciri) until geralt has jask pinned on the kitchen floor with the knife that was taped behind the professional portrait of roach the cat geralt drunkenly commissioned one night and jask just goes “wow, you’re really committing to this bit, I thought when you finally caved into my unsubtle role play hints you would just kinda half-ass it”. geralt stops and is visibly confused. “while this ‘fight’ (jask even does the air quotes) was quite exhilarating, i think that’s enough foreplay, c’mon and ravish me”.

geralt is still hella ????? and is like, uh, are we not gonna talk about how we just found out we’re rival assassins???? and jask goes uh, jUST??? babe, i’ve known you were an assassin for years, i THOUGHT YOU KNEW I WAS ONE TOO AND WE JUST WEREN’T TALKING ABOUT IT. and geralt is just WHAT.

jask: i thought you just wanted to keep work and home separate or smth, and that’s why we never seriously talked about it idk, but i make jokes about it ALL THE TIME

geralt: you thought i wouldn’t want to talk about the fact we both KILL PEOPLE FOR A LIVING?? and what jokes???

jaskier: i always wink when i ask about your day and how work can be ‘killer’

geralt: that’s just,, normal stuff! how would i have known from that??

jaskier: i call you john wick all the time and point out all the things they get wrong in assassin movies

geralt: but -

jaskier: you yell at me about leaving my knives out everywhere

geralt: i thought you just liked collecting sharp, pretty things -

jaskier: you’ve LITERALLY walked in on me stuffing body parts in a trash bag

geralt: it was halloween!! i thought they were fake! i thought you were just really into decorating that year!!!

jaskier: ....fine, I’ll give you that one, my haunted house that year was very involved and spooky. but i wrote ‘you’re the best ass-assin i know x’ in your birthday card three months ago!!!

geralt: you know how i feel about puns, i just thought you were being a little shit

jaskier: ohmygod, ohhhh my god how. you just - no. nope. we’re not fighting about this, all parties now know the truth, can we just get back to the sexytimes and talk later?

geralt: .....yeah ok

they do the do.

they eventually talk everything out.

yennefer congratulates them when she drops off ciri, and ciri just looks at the partially destroyed house and goes “FINALLY” and “my room better be in one piece” and jaskier and geralt deal with the twin bombshells of yen also being in the business and jaskier’s boss and the fact that ciri figured them out, but c’mon, she’s yen’s daughter, she knows what’s up.

the only real conflict in this story is

man vs. self as geralt tries to look back on their relationship with new eyes and sees a LOT of things making more sense and laments he’s not even the cleverest assassin in his own home

and

idiot vs. idiot (no explanation needed)

and

yennefer vs. man as she roasts both of them for being so goddamn oblivious and having the communication skills of a particularly dense walnut

everyone lives happily ever after, the end

[thouroghly-inconsequential]

A day in the life - Patton angst

Warnings: angst, swearsy, self hatred, negative self talk, thoughts of suicide, bad writing, a mention/suggestion of cuddling at the end, food mention, let me know if I missed anything! Also the bits in italics are Patton’s internal monologue.

Genre: angst, hurt/comfort, mostly hurt, a dash of platonic moxiety at the end, 

Patton woke unfortunately to the sound of his alarm beeping. 6.00, as always. Why bother getting up? No one wants to see you; you never do anything important. He grumbled and rolled over, maybe five more minutes. His stomach growled. Oh, you’re hungry? What gives you the right to eat? Are you really so selfish as to waste a valuable resource on yourself? He huffed to himself, pushing his feet into his bunny slippers. Surely one piece of toast wouldn’t hurt? Wouldn’t it? Selfish waste of space. No, one piece would be fine.

He drearily wandered downstairs to see Logan already up, drinking his coffee, and deeply engrossed in a book. He doesn’t want to see you, he hates you. Go back to bed where you aren’t a problem to anyone.

“Good morning, Patton” Logan said without looking up from his book.

“Morning Lolo!” Patton answered brightly. Liar. “Whatcha reading?” he elongated his words with his usual tone, if Logan thought there was something wrong it could bother him. And then because he’s kind he’d try to help, and then he’d be wasting his time, and no. Patton could not have that. You’re already too much trouble, a waste of time and space.

Logan looked at Patton with a -mocking- teasing look and waved his copy of the Silmarillion in his general direction.

“Same as yesterday, Patton.” Patton nodded and chuckled to himself. Stupid, stupid, STUPID. He poured himself a cup and put his toast on. He sat down, not too close to Logan, -because if you sit too close you’ll annoy him, he’ll hate you. He hates you. You don’t deserve love- because it was easier to get to the toaster from that seat.

Just as his toast popped up, Roman busted into the kitchen, already dressed and made-up flawlessly. He’s so much better looking than you. Not that it’s hard. You’re so ugly, and fat, and useless.

“Morning Roman! Would you like some coffee?”

“Indeed, I would! Thanks Padre!” Roman danced over to the toaster, ruffling Logan’s hair as he went.  Everyone here is so talented. Except you. Everything you do is wrong. And they’re just too kind to kick you out. You don’t deserve them. You don’t deserve anything. Roman sat between Logan and Patton, stealing the jar of crofters still on the table, much to Logan’s dismay. Don’t get any ideas. If you tried to do that you’d be out. Why give someone as unimportant as you something they love so much?

Last but not least, everybody’s favourite storm cloud walked in, chugging the last of the coffee.  Oh look, another person who hates you. Not that I can blame them. You’re pretty easy to hate. Virgil sat down without a word, curling his legs up in front of him.

“Do you want some breakfast kiddo? We have the gay-swimming-rings if you want some!” Virgil chuckled -at you, he’s laughing at you, you’re so hilariously pathetic- at the family nickname for fruit loops.

“That sounds great, thanks Patt.”

He’s just being polite. He doesn’t need your help. He doesn’t want it. Why are you still trying?

Patton smiled and got Virgil his bowl.

Once Patton sat back down again, Logan began to go through the list of what needed to be done today. Uh oh! Look which useless unhelpful piece of shit forgot his pen, now you’re gonna have to bother Logan asking about your responsibilities all day! Oh well, now he hates you even more. Why are you so incompetent?

“Uhh, Logan? Sorry to be a pain, but do you think you could put that on the fridge door? I just don’t want to forget anything!” Patton smiled brightly again in an attempt to make the request seem as sweet and unimportant as possible.

“Of course, Patton, but don’t worry, just get the red things done first, they’re most important.” Patton nodded a quick and vigorous thank you to Logan before collecting up the breakfast stuff and starting on the dishes.

Finally, something useful for you to do. Heh, knowing you, you’ll probably screw it up though.

After that he had been asked to clean the kitchen.

Maybe if we don’t clean the kitchen we’ll get food poisoning and die. That would be good.

And then Logan wanted some input into the upcoming video.

He’s just doing it to make you feel included. He doesn’t actually want your help, who would? Your opinion doesn’t matter. You don’t matter.

And by then it was lunch. Patton washed his hands and made some classic grilled cheese for them all. Good. If you make it ok, they might not be as angry with you as normal.

“How has everyone gotten on with their tasks? Patton, it’s nice to see that you’ve completed yours already.” He doesn’t mean that. “Roman?” He only had one more to do, and he seemed pretty happy with himself. “Virgil?” He had two more to do, but that was normal, he had gone straight back to bed after breakfast.

“Lo, ‘cause you don’t have any left, and you’re good at organising stuff, could you help me tidy up later?” He doesn’t want your help, your awful at everything. You destroy everything you touch. You can’t do anything. He hates spending time with you.

“Of course, Virgil.” Logan knows it too. Virgil hates you. Everyone you love hates you. Everyone hates you. The words began to fill Patton’s head even more than usual. He stood up and offered a pathetic excuse as to why he was going to his room. But the others let him go without an argument. The don’t care. You could kill yourself and they wouldn’t care. Just kill yourself already. He curled onto his bed, holding his not-so-stuffed bear close as though it were someone who loved him. He didn’t cry into it though, like he had done, so many times before. No, he just lay there and let the words consume him.

 “Lo, I’m worried about Patton.”

“Virgil, in the most respectful way possible, you are always worried.”

“Seriously! I dunno, but he just didn’t seem ok!”

“And what’s to be done about it? If he doesn’t talk to us, there’s not a lot.”

Virgil nodded meakly and went back to tidying, devising a plan.

As soon as he finished, he rushed to Patton’s room. Knocking, he peaked his head around and saw his best friend sleeping, cuddling his bear. Sighing he went in. On the one hand, they needed to talk, on the other hand, Patton needed rest. Virgil ran his hand through Patton’s hair. He was so cute when he slept. And if Virgil joined him for a little, curled up in bed, mumbling “I love you”s and words of encouragement, well, who’s to say.

[foxyninjabear]

A Hacker’s Tale -  Chapter 1

Hello all! I’ve got something to show ya! I’m making a HermitCraft fanfic... if you couldn’t tell by the tags. If not, I have no clue how the heck you found this post xD But either way, welcome! This story idea has been floating around in my head for awhile, but I finally have it up and ready to roll! So without further delay, here’s my introductory chapter to my pride and joy of a nerdy story, A Hacker’s Tale!

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!: This fic is rated as PG-14+, so read at your own risk! There's swearsies, suggestive references, and LOTS of blood and gore! Be aware! 

_________________________________________

???

Seventeen minutes. That was how long she had been waiting at their planned meeting spot. Same time, same place, every single week.

Of course he was late.

The creeper lifted herself away from the wall she was leaning against. “C’mon, where are ya…” She muttered, before glancing around at the dozens upon dozens of people walking by in the hall. Her coal black eyes shifted from person to person, and she searched for a head of fiery red hair, to no avail. She groaned in annoyance, gritting her teeth. “Ugh…”

“Did you miss me that much?”

The green scaled woman heard the familiar voice behind her, and her shoulders stiffened. “Synth… you’re late. Again.” She stated, not turning around.

The male voice chuckled. “Hey, you know me, Coda. I like pushing your buttons.”

Coda rolled her eyes, turned around, and saw that apparently nobody was there in the first place. Her lips pressed into a firm line, and her brows furrowed. “...okay, dude, c’mon.” She said, clearly feeling bothered. “Just show yourself so we can get this over with.” She then pulled out a small stack of plastic, multicolored cards from a back pocket on her jumpsuit. “I lost the bet and I owe ya.”

Before her eyes, a taller man with fair skin and long red hair tied back into a ponytail appeared out of thin air in a flash of pixels. Like her, he wore a black and gray uniform with red accents, a pair of black boots to match. His piercing grey eyes locked with hers, a sly grin on his lips. 

"About time I get my deck back." He chuckled, taking the cards out of her hands. "Good thing you suck at poker."

Coda laughed and shoved Synth at the comment. "That's cuz ya cheat, you fucker," She laughed.

The ginger winked. "Hey, I don't cheat… I just find loopholes."

"Yeah… sure," The creeper replied sarcastically, chuckling. “You elegantly… expertly… carefully dupe everyone into giving you their shit.”

Synth let out a laugh. “Now that’s ridiculous.” He insisted. He was about to continue his sentence, only to be interrupted by a small ping. “Hmm?” He lifted his arm to look at his wrist, where what resembled a watch resided. On its small screen, an icon of a bell was ringing back and forth, signalling that a brand new message was there for him to read.

Coda raised a brow at the beep. “What’s that about? Is it that crazy ex of yours again? I told ya that if ya needed me to shut’er up, I would.”

A confused frown formed on the redhead’s face as he read the message. “Apparently we’ve got a mission… World hijack. Block A, Floor Seven, at eight thirty.”

Coda eyes went wider in disbelief. “A mission? Today? But it's our day off…”

Synth frowned even more. “There’s no one else available…” He stated, before turning off his communicator and sighed.

The creeper’s brows furrowed. “You gotta be kidding me...” Her shoulders then sagged, and she let out an irritated groan. “Dammit... I gotta cancel my date now…”

Synth’s eyes widened slightly in interest. “A date? With who?”

“A hot tub.”

The redhead smirked. "That sounds more like a party."

Coda rolled her eyes. "You're so not invited."

“Awww!” Synth chuckled, before clearing his throat. “But hey, think about it. This could be your opportunity to finally get promoted. Show that you have what it takes to be a Sergeant.”

Coda thought for a moment, pursing her lips. “...you have a fair point...” She replied. After a few seconds of silence, she then pushed herself off the wall and stood up with confidence. “Y’know what, fuck it, I’ll show ‘em!” Determined, she began to march off down the hallway. 

The redhead chuckled and looked on at the creeper as she strolled away. "What're ya waiting for, a red carpet?" Coda asked, turning around to face her friend. "C'mon, we're gonna be late!"

“Don’t worry, I’m coming,” Synth answered, shifting away from his spot on the wall and beginning to follow the creeper. “And we still have half an hour. It’s only eight o’ clock, after all.”

“The Hive has over a hundred floors, dude!” Coda stated, gesturing around her with her arms to emphasize her point. “And the floors are enormous!”

Fort Oblivion, or the Hive, as it was commonly called, was the Shadowbyte Army’s base of operations. It had been ever since the military faction was founded hundreds of years prior by Ecryptos, a hacker said to have unspeakable power. With over one hundred floors, countless amounts of soldiers flowed in and out of the fortress like bees, loyally serving their queen, or in this case, king.

“That’s what hacks are for.” Synth replied, before pointing over to a mechanical sliding door. “And elevators.”

The green creeper glanced over at the elevator. “...you’re lucky I like you.” She said as the mechanical doors slid open. “You’re such a smartass sometimes…”

The human just smirked as he and his friend got into the empty lift. “You’re one to talk,” He teased, pressing a button on the elevator's control panel. 

“Oh, shut the fuck up,” Coda shoved Synth and laughed, crossing her arms as the elevator closed and began to descend.

A few moments of silence passed after the descent started. It was then that another soft ding came from Synth’s communicator. He lifted his wrist to check it, and he let out a small groan of annoyance as he did.

Coda tilted her head to look up at her taller friend. “Now is it Vinnie?”

“Yeah…” He replied, a frown on his face.

“She’s still pissed at ya, huh?”

The redhead nodded. “Mhmm…” His lips were pressed into a firm line, obviously fed up with the situation.

Coda gritted her teeth at the thought of Synth’s ex girlfriend. “Bitch…” She muttered. “Why can’t she just leave ya be? You came outta the closet almost a damn month ago.”

“Correction: you dragged me out of the closet.” Synth pointed out as the elevator stopped and opened its doors.

The two friends stepped out of the elevator and into another bustling hallway of Shadowbyte soldiers and personnel. “That’s cuz ya needed a polite shove in the right direction.” She stated back as they walked side by side. “You couldn’t hide your secret forever, y’know. Eventually ya would’ve broke.”

“She would have been angry either way,” Synth said.

“Who fucking cares if she’s mad?!” Coda snapped, eyes angry and full of protective rage. “She’s just some self-centered lil’ bitch who can’t handle the fact that the hottest guy she ever dated turned out to be ace!”

Synth blinked at the outburst, but then he chuckled. “You think I’m hot?” He asked.

“No shit! Look at yourself dude!” Coda gestured to him dramatically. “You’re hot as hell!”

“I thought you said that to everyone…” The redhead tightened his ponytail as he let out another laugh.

“That’s cuz I don’t give a fuck who I hook up with,” The green creeper stated. “Y’know I’m fine with every gender of the fucking rainbow.”

A grin tugged at the corners of Synth’s lips. “So… if you could, would you hook up with me?”

Coda immediately stopped in her tracks. “What? Ew, fuck no!” She answered. “Dude, I’ve known you for years! Even before you came out, the thought of hooking up with ya was just…” She shivered in disgust. “Uggghh…”

Her reaction make Synth smile wider and burst out laughing. “Pffft!” He had to lean himself against the wall and clutch his stomach, he was cackleing so hard. 

“Dude, I’m serious!” Coda stated.

It took a moment for him to catch his breath, and once he did, he cleared his throat. “Hey, like I said before; I love pushing your buttons...!” A sly smile formed on the redhead’s pale face.

"Yeah, yeah,” Coda said, before she noticed a set of large metal doors. Above it read a single sign in bold lettering. Block Seven A. “Wait, we’re here?”

Synth stepped up to the door. “See? I told you we wouldn’t be late.” He said, and pushed open the door to walk in. 

The room was rather large, giving plenty of space for soldiers to work. A raised platform was at the end of the expansive space, giving access to a large monitor, currently blank and dark. On one side of the room, long racks of all sorts of weapons and armor ran along the walls, displaying everything from assault rifles to gas masks to swords. Massive sparring mats were conveniently spaced out evenly along the perimeter of the racks, allowing easy access to the large amount of hardware. On the other side of the room, a row of pixelated targets and training dummies lined the wall, waiting to be used.

Synth brushed off a bit of dust from his shoulder. “You think the Hive is so large now?”

Coda rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, shut up.” She said, surveying her surroundings. For a moment, she thought that she and Synth were the only people present. But then her gaze landed on a figure near the sparring mats. A short, pudgy girl with long brown hair sat cross legged on the floor, surrounded by countless papers with what appeared to be blueprints. She had a pencil grasped between her milky fingers, and was writing down on one of the sheets.

A that moment, the curvy girl glanced away from her papers and caught sight of Coda and Synth. Her thin brown eyes lit up, and she grinned, standing up to happily greet the new arrivals. "Ooo, you must be the Infantry soldiers!" She said as she pranced over to them, gesturing to their red-accented Shadowbyte uniforms. "My name's Sakura."

Coda looked the girl up and down. She appeared… almost too cheerful and peppy at that moment. Especially since missions were never exactly a happy time. "You… don't look like you're a soldier, not gonna lie." She said.

Instead of being offended, the brunette shrugged and laughed. "I know. I'm not exactly a soldier anyway." She then tapped a small cloth badge in the shape of a cog sewn onto her uniform. "I'm more of a hired nerd than anything."

Synth raised an eyebrow and nodded. "Ah, you're in the Engineering department. You operate mechs?"

Sakura nodded. "Mhmm!" She answered. "I operate mechs, make cybernetics, design machines, the whole nine yards." She counted off each thing she said by holding out a finger for each one. It was at that moment that one thing was very apparent to Coda and Synth; the short woman had a prosthetic left arm, intricate lines of redstone wiring spread throughout the whole limb.

Synth kept his gaze on her arm for a moment, before lifting his head up to look her straight on. "So do you know any of the other two people here?"

The brunette gave him another nod. "Oh yeah!" She pointed to a corner of the room, where two guys sat. One had bright blue hair and eyes, and the other had blonde hair and a pair of welding goggles. "The blonde one is Lucky, he's part of the Cyber division. He's going to be our go-to for information. The one next to him is Jazz, part of Special Ops."

Coda nodded. "So we're still waiting on three more people…" She said to herself.

"Yes, three," Sakura replied. "As far as I know, I'm the only mechanic, and we should be getting at least one medic. Not sure about the rest though-" She then fell silent, and leaned to the side to look past the two Infantry soldiers. Her signature wide smile reappeared on her face. "Oh, nevermind!"

The two friends glanced over their shoulders, and sure enough, there were two new arrivals in the block. A man with greyish-white hair and faded blue eyes had entered, closely tailed by a taller but younger male with dark brown eyes and black hair. Both had the typical Shadowbyte jumpsuit on, as everyone else did, but instead of them being mostly made of black fabric, they were a clean white tone accented with shades of red and grey. It was very apparent that those two were part of the Medical division of the Army. And Coda immediately recognized one of them.

The creeper flashed a smile towards the two medics. "Hey, old man!" She called, waving to the white-haired medic and getting his attention. "Still kickin' huh?"

The older man chuckled and waved back as he approached, the younger medic in tow. "It's gonna take a lot more than a zombie hoard to kill me, Coda." He called and held up his arm, which was wrapped in some bandages.

Synth glanced at his friend, then the man, and then back to his friend. “Wait… this is Grey, right?” He asked her. “You said that he was your mentor when you first enlisted.”

Coda nodded. “Yeah, he was. I was still in the Medical Division back then. Eventually I got transferred to Infantry.”

“That’s because she has zero patience,” Grey said. At this point, him and the other medic had reached Coda, Synth, and Sakura. “Staff Sergeant Grey, at your service,” He held out a hand for the trio of soldiers to shake.

Sakura was the first one to shake his hand. “Sakura. Sergeant for the Engineering Division.” She said, giving him a warm smile.

Synth was next as soon as the brunette let go. “Master Sergeant Synth. Infantry.” He introduced himself. “I’ve heard a lot about you from Coda.”

“Good things, I hope?”

The redhead shrugged and chuckled. “Eh, healthy mix of both good and bad.”

Coda elbowed her friend at the answer. “Hey, I don’t say that much bad stuff ‘bout him!” She stated, crossing her arms and pouting. “He was just-”

“Not letting you have any fun?” Grey finished, a half smile on his wrinkled face.

The creeper fell silent, and let out a frustrated huff. “Fuck you, Grey.”

“Missed you too, Coda.”

Sakura then spoke up. “Excuse me, sir…?” She asked. “Who is that with you…” She gestured to the other medic next to Grey.

“Oh, yeah, him,” Grey gestured to the quiet boy next to him. “This is Nix,” He said. “He… doesn’t say much, but he’s one of the finest kids I’ve ever mentored.”

The two Infantry soldiers glanced over at the medic. A small smile formed on his lips, and he gave a small wave, but no words came from him as a greeting. 

Coda nodded, tilting her head slightly. "Aight then…Word of advice though." She took a step closer to Nix, grinning slyly. "Don't forget to pay attention. If ya don't, you'll be coming back here in a body bag." She then walked away chuckling, leaving the teen's eyes wide and skin draining of its warm umber tone. His scrawny figure shrunk back in fear. He opened his mouth to say something, but only a single squeak sounded out.

Grey shook his head, pressing his palm against his forehead. "Some things never change..." He muttered to himself. “Ignore her, Nix. She’s always been like that.” He assured his pupil, making the color slightly return to the student's bronzed skin.

After leaving Nix absolutely terrified and walking some distance away from the group, Coda leaned up against the wall, arms crossed. Next to her, also up against the wall, was the guy with bright blue hair and eyes that Sakura had pointed out before, heavily focused on a small device in his hands.

“So you’re Jazz right? Special Ops?” She asked, glancing over at the soldier.

The blue-eyed man nodded, his gaze fixed on the gadget in his hands. “Mhmm.” He said. “You?”

“Coda. Infantry.” She answered. A small ding then sounded from her communicator, and she glanced at her wrist. The time was eight thirty; exactly when the meeting was supposed to start. And there were still only seven people of the byte present.

Coda frowned, feeling annoyance bubble in her chest. “There’s only seven here… we’re missing the damn leader.” She growled. “If anything, they should at least be on time.”

“Don’t worry,” Jazz spoke up, not removing his focus from his game. “She’ll be here soon.”

The creeper raised a brow at the Special Ops soldier. “She? Who’s comin-”

The blue eyed gamer cut her off, holding up a finger. “Ah, hold on! I’m almost at the next level!”

“Jazz-”

“Shhh!” More beeps and boops and blasts from the gaming device.

Coda’s patience was wearing thin. “Oh, for fuck’s sake!” But before she could rip the gadget out of Jazz’s hands, she felt two hands wrap around her arms and pull her away.

“Okay, come on.” Synth said, calmly dragging his angered friend across the tiled floor, away from the current object of her rage.

The creeper glared up at the redhead. “Synth, c’mon man!” She squirmed violently to try and get out of his grasp. “Get off me!”

The soldier shook his head. “Not until you calm down, man,” He stated back. “Your temper gets you into trouble. You know that, right?”

Coda huffed, and gave up trying to escape her friend’s grip. “Yeah… I know.” She answered reluctantly. “...you can let me go now.”

Synth chuckled, and removed his hands from her arm. “There you are, m’lady.” He joked, brushing his hand off on his red and black uniform.

The green-scaled woman rolled her black eyes, turning away from him and crossing her arms. “Yeah, yeah.” She said, obviously salty. She glanced over at Jazz, who was too wrapped up in his game to have a single care. “Is Jazz ever gonna put that brick down?” She asked after a moment of quiet.

The redhead snickered and shrugged, shifting his focus to the blue eyed soldier leaning against the wall. “I don’t think he will, no,” He laughed. “That thing might just be the death of him one day.”

Coda burst out laughing, but tried to hold it back. “Pffft!” Her attempt to try and stop her chuckle only worked for a moment, and she then let it sound from her mouth. “Probably, yeah.” She said while laughing. The funniest part to the two of them was that Jazz was so absorbed into his game that he didn’t even hear the two talking about him.

A few moments later, their giggles died down into silence between them. “...have you heard of the name Nightingale?” Synth suddenly asked his friend.

Immediately, Coda recognized the name. According to word spread around the Hive, Nightingale was one of, if not the best Special Ops soldier in the whole Shadowbyte Army. She was especially known for her reputation as an incredibly skilled sniper, which explained her high ranking of Sergeant Major. But outside of missions she was put on, she was rarely ever seen. In fact, most of her existence was shrouded in mystery.

The creeper shrugged, but nodded. "Yeah, sorta." She answered. "All I know is that she's like a ghost around here. Why you ask?"

"I'm quite certain that she's the one we're missing."

Coda blinked. "...wait, what? You sure?"

Synth nodded. "Mhmm."

"...you wanna bet on it?"

The redhead raised a brow, but he grinned. "What did you have in mind?"

The green creeper smirked back. "Whoever's right has to buy the other person lunch when we get back." She then held out her hand and spat on it, before holding it out for him to shake. "Deal?"

Synth laughed. "Deal." He then spat in his own palm, before firmly grasping his friend's hand and shaking it. "And you know you're gross, right?" He let go and pulled a silk handkerchief out of his pocket to wipe his hand off.

Coda raised an eyebrow, her smirk turning mischievous. “What, y’mean like this?” Before Synth could respond, she then disappeared in an array of static, only to instantly reappear latched onto him as if he were giving her a piggyback ride. She snickered and dragged her tongue across his freckled cheek, immediately letting out a cackle as her friend shrieked in disgust.

“Coda! Get off!” He scrambled to get her off his back, but the creeper only laughed more and latched on tighter. After drawing the attention of almost everybody else in the room, Synth eventually teleported a few feet away, causing Coda to fall to the floor with a loud thunk.

Coda groaned and leapt to her feet. “Oh c’mon!" She lunged to where Synth was, only to grasp at open air as he activated an invisibility hack and disappeared. She heard him let out a relieved chuckle behind her. "You mother-"

“I presume everyone’s here?”

Everyone in the room turned to face where the new voice came from. A tall woman with ebony skin and black curls stood in the doorway, donning a standard black and grey Shadowbyte jumpsuit with purple accents, signifying her position as a Special Ops soldier. A long, jagged scar stretched across one of her dark eyes, most of it hidden from sight with the leather eyepatch she wore. But with or without her nasty battle wound, her respectable title, or her surprising height, her gaze alone was cold and intimidating enough to make anyone stop in their tracks.

Synth, who had now reappeared, let out a chuckle and nudged his friend with his elbow. "I guess I won the bet." He said.

Coda tore her widened gaze from the woman as she strode into the room. “Wait… that’s Nightingale?!” The creeper whispered harshly to Synth.

“Mhmm. That’s her.” He replied. “What, are you surprised? Jazz and I told you she was a woman...”

“Ya didn’t tell me she was smokin’ hot, though!”

Synth covered his lips with a single finger. "Hush now, Coda. You wouldn't want her hearing that, would you?" He teased. "Besides, she's coming this way." He nodded his head in the sniper's direction, and indeed, she had her dark eyes set on Synth and Coda.

The redhead gave the woman a nod in respect as she approached. “Ma’am,” He greeted, holding out his hand for her to shake. “Good to see you again.”

Nightingale returned the gesture and shook his hand. “You too, Synth," She said. "And please, Angel will do just fine.”

The taller male chuckled, still holding the woman's palm. "But how would I be a gentleman then, ma'am?" He asked playfully, before lifting her hand up to press a kiss against her knuckles.

Angel rolled her eyes, letting out a small laugh in return. "Charmer as always, Synth," She pulled her hand away and rested it on her hip. "And I'm guessing the one next to you is Coda?"

As the creeper felt her heart skip a beat, her taller friend nodded, resting a hand on her shoulder. "Yes ma'am. This is her, in the flesh."

The ebony woman turned herself to face Coda, and she gave her a nod. "Synth says that you're pretty skilled at hand to hand combat. One of the best in your rank. Specialist, if my memory serves me correct?"

Coda, as flustered as she felt, put on a sharp-toothed smile and nodded. "Yes ma'am. That's me." She answered.

The corners of Angel's lips pulled up into a slight grin. "Well, let's hope you live up to your reputation." She turned to Synth and smiled wider, although not much. "That goes for you too, Synth."

The redhead chuckled. "Yes, ma'am." He responded, and watched the woman walk away, presumably to inform the rest of the byte about the mission.

Coda then slowly craned her neck upwards to face Synth as soon as the woman was out of earshot. “Since when did you and her know each other?” She whispered, demanding an explanation.

“I’ve worked with her before on many occasions,” The redhead stated simply. “Mostly on World hijacks. As stern as she is, she’s damn good at what she does.”

The creeper glanced back at Angel, who was striding up to the front of the room. “She sure is good… I can agree with that.” She still couldn’t get over how attractive she thought the woman was, even if she appeared to be in her late thirties, maybe even her early forties. A well-toned body, pretty face, full lips. It was as if she were the embodiment of a beautiful night itself-

“You thirsty again?” Synth’s chuckle snapped Coda out of her thoughts and made her cheeks heat up. However, as he opened his mouth to speak again, Coda bent her elbow and jammed it into his gut. "Ow! …alright, I deserved that."

"Ya think?"

"Okay everyone, listen up!" Angel stated loud enough to capture everyone's attention as she stepped onto the raised platform at the front of the room. "Our job today is to capture the target World, right here!" She gestured her hand to the massive screen, which had now turned on and had an expansive view of a single World, encased in several large translucent blue spheres. Firewalls. "Now, who's the Cyber soldier here?"

Almost everyone's gazes shifted to Lucky, who's figure went from already timid to extremely nervous. He gulped, and shyly raised his hand. "M-m-me, ma'am…" He squeaked.

His meek reply was only just enough to get the sniper's attention. "Alright. Can you pull up the information on this World? Anything you can find."

"Y-yes ma'am." Lucky nodded, and slowly left his corner to step up and onto the platform with Angel. He tapped the screen a few times, and a translucent keyboard appeared before him. The blonde them typed away at his console, glancing between that and the monitor. "Okay… s-so this World has received the latest known Update. And it's been around for a little over a month now."

Angel nodded slowly. “And its name?”

“Uh...” Lucky tapped away some more, eyes darting back and forth. “It doesn’t have a registered name, but it has an admin authority listed. Which is…” He then blinked a couple times, before biting his lip. "Uh oh…”

Coda raised an eyebrow. "What? What is it?" She demanded.

The shorter male timidly looked back at the creeper now eyeing him expectantly. "Th-the admin authority is listed as W.E.S." He gulped. “W-World Exploration Society.”

Almost every other member of the group grimaced at the name. The World Exploration Society was the bane of the Army’s World hijack operations. If a World had W.E.S. as its admin authority, it meant that it had at least twenty inhabitants working fulltime to make that World eventually livable and safe for the general public. Which also meant that there was at least twenty more ways that the mission could possibly go wrong.

“...well shit.” Coda said, pressing her lips into a firm line. “This is great. Just fuckin’ great.”

Sakura’s dark brown eyes shifted to the creeper. “Well… it could be worse.” She replied, trying to be optimistic.

“How the fuck could this be any worse?”

The brunette flinched slightly at Coda’s response, but she continued. “We… we could be going on a suicide mission...?”

“As far as we know, this is a suicide mission.” She retorted, leaning her face closer to Sakura’s, an irritated sneer on her lips.

“Hey, ladies,” Angel asserted, getting the pair’s attention with her stern and annoyed tone. “Work together here instead of going at each other’s throats.”

A new voice then spoke up. “M-ma’am…?”

Everyone turned to see who it was, and Lucky had his hand raised. “M-maybe if we try to figure out who’s in that World… w-we could make a plan of attack easier.”

Coda locked her jet black eyes with the blonde’s. “And how would that make anythin’ easier?”

"Well… we would want to know who we're going to encounter, right?" Sakura explained. "We could get an advantage if we knew who we're up against."

Angel pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed in irritation. “Alright… Just get the list of names for the group members assigned to the World. Understood?”

The blonde nodded rapidly and saluted. “Y-yes ma’am! I-I will!” He squeaked, before heading over to his corner to type away once again, pulling up holographic screens and monitors.

The Special Ops soldier turned to face the rest of the party under her command. “Until he gets the information we need, you all can go to your own devices.” She gave them all a strong salute, standing tall. “You’re dismissed.”

Everyone else gave her a salute back, before dispersing around the room. Coda looked over at the large sparring rings, and she shrugged. She figured that while they waited for Lucky to finish his research, practicing combat wouldn’t be so bad. Plus, she had heard rumors that there were some new weapons to test out.

“Hey, dude,” She said to get Synth’s attention onto her. “Wanna spar?”

The redhead looked over his shoulder to face his friend, and his grey eyes lit up in interest. “Yeah, sure,” He answered. “Real or fake weapons?”

Coda let out a chuckle. “Do I look like a wimp to you?”

“Don’t you remember the last time we used real ones?” Synth asked. “You nearly took my head off with that mace you had.”

“Oh, c’mon man!” She whined. “I won’t send you to the infirmary this time!”

“That’s what you said last time… and the time before that. And the time before-”

Coda huffed and raised her hands. “Aight, aight, keep ya pants on!” She stated. “But I’m still gonna get weapons for the mission, cuz right now I got nothing. And I suggest you do the same unless ya wanna be beaten to a pulp.”

Synth grinned a bit and gave a single nod. “Then shall we?” He gestured to the massive array of weapons and armor on the wall next to the sparring mats, and jokingly held out his arm for his friend to grasp.

The green creeper rolled her eyes and smiled, before wrapping her arm around his. “You’re so proper, it’s borderline annoying.” She chuckled as they walked arm in arm across the room.

“What can I say? A fine lady such as yourself needs to be treated with the greatest amount of respect.” The redhead winked at his fellow soldier.

She let out a snort of laughter. “You got the fine part right.” As soon as the two got to the massive wall of weapons and artillery, they let go of each other and went off on their own to find their desired gear.

Coda gazed at the variety of melee weapons as she slowly walked past them. Spears, daggers, staves, maces, swords. But a wide grin formed on her lips once she saw a beautiful and shining battle axe made of dark steel perched on the rack. Bold red accents ran along the edges of its two large blades and long handle, making the heavy weapon much more menacing. Just how she liked it.

“Oh hell yeah!” She eagerly made her way to the battle axe and ran her fingers along the cold metal, before grasping it with both hands and lifting it off the rack. “Come to Mama!” She turned to glance over at Synth. "What'cha picking out?"

The redhead carefully slid a long, elegant black steel sword off its perch on the wall. "This," He answered, holding it up for her to see. "You getting a gun?"

The green creeper pursed her lips in thought. "I probably should…" She said back, before lifting her heavy weapon over her shoulder with one hand and beginning to browse the next section of artillery, mostly consisting of firearms and miscellaneous weaponry, like smoke bombs or garrote wires. After a few moments, she shrugged and decided on a couple of pistols. They weren’t the most powerful guns, but they would do in a pinch.

She knelt down and tucked one of the handguns in the side of her boot. “Hey, while you're over with the training weapons, grab me one of the axes, will ya?” She called out to her friend as she concealed her weapon with the hem of her jumpsuit pant leg.

“I’m way ahead of you,” Coda heard Synth answer. When she looked up, she saw that he was already holding two synthetic weapons in his hands; a battle axe for his friend, and a longsword for himself. “Now, think fast.”

Before she could respond, the redhead sheathed his fake blade and then threw the fake axe, sending it spiraling in Coda’s direction. “GAH!” The creeper jumped to her feet in surprise, and instinctively held her hand up. Right as the large weapon was about to smack her in the face, the axe came to a sudden halt in midair and remained there floating.

“Synth, what the hell?!” The creeper cursed out her friend, demanding an explanation.

Synth only grinned and laughed. “I’m just testing your reflexes, that’s all,” He cooed, striding over to one of the sparring mats. “Making sure that you’ve actually been practicing telekinetic hacks.”

Coda huffed and gritted her teeth as she grasped the hovering axe. “Fuck you, man,” She lifted her weapon up over her shoulder, and she walked over to the opposite side of the large mat. “Anyway… Ya ready?”

Synth twirled his sword in his hand, standing tall. “Ready,”

Coda’s grip on her training axe tightened, and she grinned. “On my count.” She stated. “One…”

Both friends adjusted their stances, preparing for the brawl about to ensue.

“Two...”

The creeper felt her heart pumping, loving the adrenaline rush through her body. Her sharp-toothed smile grew wider at the feeling. It was a feeling that thought she was timeless. And she couldn’t wait to actually go out and fight in the field head on against the enemy.

“Three!”

The two soldiers then rushed at each other, weapons poised and ready to strike. Coda was the first to make a move, swinging her large axe in a large arc at Synth’s torso. Though Synth quickly leaned to the side and dodged the attempted blow, before making a quick swing of his own with his sword.

They kept swinging back and forth, dodging and blocking each other’s strikes, using teleportation and speed hacks to their advantage. As violent and hasty as it appeared, it was almost graceful. The two had gotten sparring down to almost an art form, after all. Maybe training side by side for years was starting to take its toll; actually landing a hit on one another was proving to be more and more difficult with each fight.

It wasn’t until after several long, neverending moments that one managed to land a blow on the other. Coda and Synth’s weapons clashed against each other, and the creeper managed to send the human’s sword flying out of his hand and across the mat. Seeing her chance, she swung her axe at his feet and knocked him onto the floor.

Coda pressed her boot against his chest, resting the edge of her synthetic weapon on his neck. A mischievous but tired smile danced on her lips. "I...I think I won." She said in between labored breaths.

Synth coughed, but grinned back as his friend moved the axe away from him and lifted her foot off of his torso. "About time." He said, before sitting up and holding out a hand, which Coda properly grasped to help him up. “You’ve gotten pretty decent with that handling that axe. I remember when you could barely hold one of those.”

The creeper rolled her eyes, managing to finally catch her breath. “That was when I first met ya, dude,” She chuckled. “Almost ten years ago! I was still a twig back then! Now I literally bench press you like it’s nothin’!” She lifted the training axe over her shoulder. “Plus these things are a lot lighter than the actual weapons.”

“His point still stands.” Angel’s voice caught the two friends off guard. They turned, and saw that she stood a few yards away, with a familiar blank expression on her face. “You did good.”

Coda felt her cheeks heat up a bit, and she gave the woman a nod, clearing her throat. “Thank you, ma’am.”

A small moment of silence passed, and then the creeper felt a hand on her shoulder. “I… think I’ll leave you two alone for a bit.” Synth said, making his friend look up at him in confusion. “Get to know each other a bit more.” He winked, a playful glint in his eye. At that moment, she immediately knew what he was trying to pull.

Coda gritted her teeth in irritation as he walked off, presumably to interact with the rest of the team. She glanced back at Angel, who’s expression remained pretty much the same. “Uh… so you’ve heard ‘bout me? From Synth?” She asked, in an attempt to try and make conversation. Internally, she was growing frustrated; normally this wouldn’t have affected her so much. Why did Angel have to be so pretty?

The ebony woman nodded as a response to her question. “I have. He talks about you quite a bit, actually.” She said. “I’m presuming that you’ve known each other for some time?”

The creeper internally sighed in relief at how the feeling of butterflies in her stomach began to fade. “Yes, we have,” She answered. “We met a little after I finished my training and officially became enlisted. About ten years ago.”

Angel raised an eyebrow slightly. “So you’re about twenty eight?” She questioned. “That’s quite young to be a Specialist. Most reach that title in their thirties.”

Coda chuckled. “I’m not most people,” She replied. “And neither are you. There’s so many rumors about ya I can barely keep track of which ones are legit and which aren’t.”

"Oh?" The sniper tilted her head a bit. "And what would these rumors contain?"

The creeper let out another laugh. "Well… people say that you can empty a clip in the blink of an eye. Don't know how that started."

To Coda's surprise, something new glinted in Angel's dark gaze, though she couldn't tell what it was. "You don't trust the rumors?" She asked.

"Not really," She stated. "I know you're a good shot, but I doubt you can shoot that quick-"

Angel suddenly drew a gun off of her belt and aimed at three targets all the way across the room. Three loud shots sounded out, and the trio of targets exploded in a bright array of red pixels, before flashing white and returning to their original, untouched state. The sniper stood strong for a moment with her arm raised and smoking pistol poised, before calmly holstering it on her hip. “You believe the rumors now?” She asked.

Coda’s eyes were wide at what just occurred, feeling absolutely flabbergasted. “H...h-heh…” Her face began to feel hot as she blushed. She couldn’t even see the woman fire each individual shot, she was that quick. How could she have fired three bullets in the blink of an eye and have each one meet its mark perfectly? Aimbot? Speed? Haste? The creeper thought and thought, and drew nothing but a blank.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Angel snapped Coda out of her thoughts, before striding away and leaving the creeper flustered and shocked.

This woman would be the death of her.

"I take it the chat went a bit south?" Synth's voice sounded next to the green creeper, though this time it didn't make her jump. Her focus was still fixed on her superior's figure as she walked off.

"...how is she such a badass…?" Coda mumbled.

"I ask myself every day, Coda," The human replied, before patting her shoulder a couple of times. "Come on. I think maybe getting your focus on something else will snap you back to your old asshat self." He then led his friend across the room after wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "Sakura! Is that thing of yours almost done?"

Sakura was near Jazz, Nix, and Grey, who had gathered around her to see what she was up to. "Almost!" She called, her back facing Coda and Synth.

The closer the pair got to the mechanic, the more curious she became. "What are ya doing…?" Coda asked as she and Synth were close enough to see what she was apparently working on.

The short brunette's thin eyes lit up, and she gave a warm smile. "I've been working on…" She then turned around to proudly hold up what appeared to be a small metal box with a single button on top. "This!" She stated proudly, before setting the box on the ground.

The green creeper eyed the gadget curiously. “Uh...What’s that…?” She looked back up at the brunette who set it on the floor.

"Just watch," Sakura said, before she pressed the button on the device. As she took several steps away, the metallic contraption began to unfold and expand with whirrs and clicks and hums. In a matter of moments, the final parts shifted into place, making a massive and powerful mech that towered over everybody else in the room.

Jazz's eyes widened in awe. "Woah…" A wide grin formed on his face, and he turned to Sakura. "Can I try it?! Please!!" He asked, repeatedly bouncing up and down where he stood.

Before the mechanic could respond, Angel calmly spoke up. "If you let’em in that thing, he’ll blow us up in five minutes." She called from across the room, soon approaching. "Don't let him near it."

The blue-haired soldier frowned. "Aww, please?" He begged his superior. "I promise I'll be caref-"

Only one quick glare at him was enough to silence Jazz. All of the color drained from his cheeks in a matter of seconds. "Y...yes ma'am…" He uttered.

Coda snorted as she held back a laugh. Even though she had known Angel for less than an hour, she was already growing a liking to her, and not just for her good looks or the fact that her heart skipped beats when she spoke to her. To her, the older woman was very admirable.

The ebony woman then shifted her gaze back to Sakura. "You can get back to testing your mech, Sergeant." She stated.

The mechanic blinked, but then smiled, before stepping up to the back of her creation and pulling two levers simultaneously to open what appeared to be the cockpit. Pulling herself up and into the mech, she laid down in the snug chamber and pressed a few buttons, and the machine whirred to life, a control panel with dozens of buttons and dials and levers lighting up as a result.

Grey's faded blue eyes widened slightly, impressed at the complex and beautiful piece of machinery. "I'll be damned…" He said, before looking through the windshield of the mech and at Sakura. "You made this by yourself?"

The girl nodded. "Yup!" She answered, her voice slightly muffled. "This is the latest model of what I call the Redstone Operated Shadowbyte Automaton. Or R.O.S.A. for short." The brunette patted the side of the cockpit. "Takes a lot to maintain her, but she's a beauty."

Synth eyed the mech with interest, specifically the guns. “Do you mind showing us it works?”

“Sure, I don’t see why not,” Sakura replied. “I’ve got to make sure the firing mechanisms work anyway, so I can show you those. Just don’t get in front of me when I do.”

The brunette grasped two lever-like controllers on her console, outfitted with several buttons and triggers. She pushed them both forward, and the mech swiftly moved across the floor to the small firing range, making soft stomps with every step. "Now, stand back!" Sakura called out as the automaton's two machine gun arms lifted. The submachine guns soon spun and whirred to life, and before anybody could say anything, a bright display of red hot plasma charges flew across the room towards the targets and obliterated them in an instant.

Jazz’s eyes lit up at the sight, and his jaw dropped. “Holy shit! That’s awesome!!” He exclaimed as the gunfire slowly ceased, and the mech’s operator exited.

A light blush spread across Sakura’s face at the praise. “Aw, it was nothing...” She answered, smiling shyly.

Angel then spoke up. “Don’t sell yourself short,” She stated. “You have a great piece of machinery here-”

Her sentence was cut off as she felt a tap on her shoulder and heard Lucky’s voice. "M-ma'am, I've got it…"

The sniper raised an eyebrow, and shifted her focus to the timid blonde now next to her. "What was that?"

"I-I've got it… I've got the names of the group members." He repeated.

Coda's eyes widened in interest. "Well, what're ya waiting for? Show us!"

With the seven other soldier’s eyes focused on him, Lucky began to sweat. “Y-yes, of course!” He answered, and rushed to the front of the room where the massive screen hung. After tapping on it a few times, the empty monitor then lit up brightly once he made a final tap on his wrist communicator. On the screen, over two dozen photos of different people popped up, each with their own sets of information and data pouring in.

Sakura’s jaw dropped at the sight. “Oh my goodness…” She said. “All of those people are in that one World?”

“P-possibly,” Lucky replied, and swiped his hand across the screen. The portraits then enlarged to show only one at a time, with their personal details next to the images. Both slowly scrolled by, displaying each member for a moment before moving onto the next. “But most likely… yes. They’ll likely all be on at the same time…”

Coda let out a huff. “Aw, shit… great.” She grumbled. “Now we’ve got more witnesses to take care of…”

Synth turned to the creeper next to him. “Unless we have the element of surprise.” He countered. “Even if there is that many people, they’re bound to be spread quite thin.”

“He’s right,” Angel agreed, stepping up next to the two friends. “We’ll need to be stealthy about this. As long as we stay below the radar, these guys won’t suspect a thing.” She kept her gaze on the profiles continuously scrolling by. “Besides, think about it... if we don’t kill them, we’ll have more possible soldiers to take in.”

The blonde Cyber soldier lifted his head up to face the sniper. “U-uhh… n-not to be rude, ma’am, but… a-are you sure they’d want to join…?”

“Like I said. Possible soldiers.” The woman repeated. “If some join, great. If not… that’s more for us to clean up.”

Grey's face contorted into a frown. "Being a cleaner isn't part of my job description. Or Nix's." He gestured to his student, who stood next to him awkwardly.

"Ya deal with blood and guts all the time, old man," Coda countered. "You have been for years."

"Exactly my point. I don't want to deal with any more than I already do."

The creeper huffed, crossing her arms. "It isn't that bad-"

"Hey," Angel stated forcefully, interrupting the two's debate. "Another day."

While the older male fell silent and nodded, Coda only got more defiant, even if she did respect the woman as her superior. "Why the hell not? Ya already-"

The team's leader flicked a finger in the soldier's direction, and a small burst of pixels erupted from the tip. No more sound then came out of Coda's mouth, although her lips kept moving as if she were still talking. Angel muted her.

"That's better," The sniper said, before turning her attention back to the other six members of the byte, completely ignoring Coda's silent bout of anger and frustration. "Now, where were we?"

Lucky hesitantly raised his hand. "W-we were talking about how we could get possible recruits from this World...?" He answered.

Angel nodded in the blonde's direction. "Good. You were paying attention." She said, and then turned to face Coda. “Unlike some people.”

The creeper could only respond by scowling and crossing her arms, appearing to have let out a frustrated grumble.

The ebony woman continued. "Anyway… with the amount of people residing in the World, there's bound to be someone who has some sort of hacking experience." She gestured to the massive screen of scrolling profiles. "If we can get more than one, then that's most definitely an added bonus."

Sakura raised her hand. "Ma'am, if I may ask… isn't there a way for us to tell if any of those members are a possible threat…? If they have any record of hacking in their files?" She asked.

Angel tapped her chin. "I suppose there could be a way to find out." She shifted her dark gaze to Lucky. "Hey, you able to check each of their backgrounds for anything iffy? Filter out which ones we need to look out for?"

The short blonde nodded. "Yes ma'am," He tapped the large screen, and a large translucent keyboard pixelated before him. His fingers flew across the console, tapping keys left and right. After a moment, the photos on the screen stopped scrolling, and zoomed out to show all two dozen profiles again. "Anything in particular you want me to search?"

"Check to see if any of them have military records, combat experience, maybe even records of hacking." She answered, shifting her gaze back to the group of profiles on the wall. "We shouldn't leave anything to chance."

Lucky gave another nod and set to work. Text spread across the screen as he typed, before disappearing as quickly as it appeared. Over half a dozen of the profile pictures then flashed a bright green, and expanded to only present themselves on the giant monitor.

"The first one is listed as Biffa2001…" Lucky started, expanding the photo furthest to the left; a man that appeared to be more machine than alive. The only flesh visible was his face, which was covered in countless scars. "He used to be a bomb tech in his home World's army, but was honorably discharged after…" Lucky then visibly cringed at what he read next, eyes wide. "L-losing over fifty percent of his body when trying to disable an IED… He had to get a specialized suit and prosthetics so he could walk again..."

Sakura blinked and bit her nails. "Oh gosh…" She muttered. “Please tell me it only gets better from here…”

Lucky shrugged, appearing uncertain. “I-I… I have no clue.” He replied, before typing once again and moving onto the profile next to Biffa’s. "Okay… This guy here is DocM77." Lucky enlarged the photograph on the monitor, giving a more detailed look at a creeper with visible metal cybernetics on his face. "Used to be a military scientist and mechanic before becoming an employee for W.E.S." The blonde blinked. "Nothing much else in his file other than that one of his experiments went wrong and he had to have a bunch of his body replaced with cybernetics."

Jazz, although not looking up at the monitor, spoke up as he continued to play his game. “You think that these guys would be more careful with their bodies,” He said.

Grey chuckled and nodded. “Good point, kid. Looks like the rest’ve had better luck though.”

"Next up… FalseSymmetry." The focus on Doc's photo shifted to the profile of the blonde woman next to him. "Former military commander, dozens of awards for valor and bravery. Left a few years ago to become apart of W.E.S." He tapped a few more times on his keyboard. "It doesn't say why she left though… as far as it looks, she was better off where she was."

"Everyone has their reasons," Angel stated. "But I doubt she's forgotten how to defend herself. Who's next?"

The Cyber soldier immediately followed her order and scrolled to the next member in question, a man with spiky brown hair and a missing eye, replaced with a mechanical one. "His name is Iskall85, according to his file." He answered. "Another military guy… Ooo, ouch…" He cringed at the line of text he was reading. "Discharged honorably after getting his eye shot out by a sniper. He literally never saw it coming, pun int-"

Angel interrupted him. "Lucky… next one." She said.

Lucky gulped and nodded nervously. "Y-yes, of course!" He then tapped his keyboard, making the view on Iskall's photograph shift to the next person. "This one is listed as… Mumbo Jumbo." He stated, gesturing to the photo of a thin man with black hair and a moustache to match. "Famous redstone engineer turned W.E.S. employee. He's pretty young, too… only twenty-three years old."

"He looks like a pipe cleaner with eyes," Coda's snicker caught the rest of the group off guard. Most turned to face her, and she had a smirk on her lips. "And yeah, the mute wore off finally. Ya can't shut me up forever." She then pulled out a small pack of gum from her back pocket and tossed a piece in her mouth, proceeding to chew and blow a pink bubble with it.

Synth raised an eyebrow at his friend, but decided against saying anything and looked back at the younger blonde. "But how is he a threat? Like she said… he doesn't appear to be that tough."

"He has a military record… s-sort of." Lucky answered. "Apparently a few years ago, he designed redstone machines and weaponry for a war going on in his home World. And they must've been pretty good, because he got a significant amount of compensation for making them."

"How much did he get?" Sakura questioned.

"Umm…" The blonde scrolled through the information next to Mumbo's photograph, before a single line of text highlighted and kept blinking on and off. "Woah… He got hundreds of millions of bits for the inventions he made!"

Coda's gum bubble burst loudly the moment Lucky finished his sentence. "Wait, what?" She asked, showing genuine surprise. "He's a multimillionaire? Why would he even be employed?"

Lucky blinked. "Wh...what do you mean?"

The creeper held her hand up and rubbed her fingers and thumb together. "Well, he has over a million reasons to not risk having his ass kicked in some untamed World. He has enough bits to retire and kick back."

Lucky shrugged. "I… I guess you have a point." He then cleared his throat, before moving along to the next member, a creeper with coal black eyes and ruby red scales. "A-anyhow, this is PythonGB, a former military soldier. A decorated one, too; a lot of awards for bravery and skill, even some of the highest honors you can get. Left a few years ago to join W.E.S." Lucky then blinked in surprise. "Huh… and it says he's only in his early twenties, too. How did me manage to become so talented so young…?"

"Doesn't matter." Angel stated. "All that matters is that he has skills. And a lot of 'em."

The Cyber soldier nodded, slightly nervous. "T-true, ma'am…" He scrolled over to the next profile, of a blonde man decked out in an almost medieval style of iron armor. "N-next up is Welsknight. Also former military… he's a bit older though. Nothing much other than that in his file…"

"What about the last one? On the right here?" Synth asked, gesturing to the photo of a man in green armor, his face hidden by a massive helmet covering his whole head.

"Uhh…" Lucky tapped the monitor a few times, expanding the profile picture so it was the only photo on the screen. "Okay, this guy is…" He blinked at the name next to the image. "Eye-sumavoid? Egg-sumavoid? Ex-sumavoid?" After a moment, he just shook his head. "Nevermind… A-anyway, there isn't much on him, either, but it does say that he has a lot of experience with putting up firewalls around Worlds. And by the reviews he has, they're pretty good at keeping malware out."

Coda then took a step closer to the screen, arms crossed. "So… In total, we've got a scrawny redstone genius, two badass blondies, a wannabe turtle, a military child prodigy, and three cyborgs…" Her gaze was fixed on the monitor for a moment, before she turned away. "All of 'em with some sort of background that could make the whole mission fall apart… Great."

Grey's eyes focused on the eight photos. "Geez, with that many people with that kind of combat experience, that group sounds more like a rogue militia than anything else."

"Umm… I don't think they're exactly called that." Lucky corrected shyly. "A-as far as I know, each group hired by W.E.S. has the option to choose their own name. To make it easier to identify them."

The older medic raised an eyebrow. "Well… what do they call themselves?"

Lucky turned to the screen and zoomed it outwards, so all of the images could be shown at once like they had moments before. A single name in bold lettering was at the top of the cluster of photographs.

HermitCraft.

[y-not-loki]

True Love | Loki L.

Anon asked: Hey there! Could you write something for Loki with the music "true love" from Pink?thanks

(Sure thing honey) (I might actually get this done today) (woah holy sheep nvm this is a long song) (haha fuck you sleep I finished this hells yeah)

Warnings: Haha swearsy. (swear words if you don’t understand ‘swearsy’)

Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face (whoa oh oh) There's no one quite like you, you push all my buttons down I know life would suck without you (whoa oh oh) At the same time, I wanna hug you I wanna wrap my hands around your neck You're an asshole but I love you And you make me so mad, I ask myself Why I'm still here, or where could I go You're the only love I've ever known But I hate you, I really hate you So much I think it must be True love, true love It must be true love Nothin' else can break my heart like True love, true love It must be true love No one else can break my heart like you

“Leave me alone, Reindeer Games!” (Y/N) shouted, face red, and eyes bright with the idea of a verbal spar. But that didn’t mean she wanted to be embarrassed in front of the Avengers of all people.

“Ohohoho, are you resorting to mere name-calling now, (Y/N)? I never thought you could stoop any lower.”

“And yet I am not low enough to stand with you.” (Y/N) growled, from behind the counter. Why Loki spent so long in the foyer of Avengers Tower, tormenting her, she did not know.

Maybe to escape his brother.

Maybe to escape the team.

But it wasn’t that she hated him, in fact, she loved these visits, they’d banter, they’d talk, they’d laugh about books, mourn characters who’d died in their stories, and shared life experiences. Loki hid all his fears and pains behind an angry or joking mask. Which is why she’s pissed right now.

She wants to help him, but he’s so infuriatingly self-destructive that sometimes she things it’s not worth all this work.

“Not yet.” His eyes sparked with amusement, and she nearly snapped the pen in her hand in two with the force.

“Why are you here. That is the third sign of sadness or pain I’ve picked up from you.” She stood up abruptly, and Loki’s eyes went wide. “What happened? You only come to me when you need a break, or need to vent, then you only banter with me when you’re hurt, and now, you’ve accepted and used a self-deprecating response.”

“Nothing.” He hissed, and stormed off, but she knew he’d be back. He always was, but he never apologised. They usually just brushed it off, but this time, (Y/N) wouldn’t have it. Quickly checking her memory, she knew that they weren’t expecting anyone, and it was a Sunday, and therefore not many people would be coming in and out. She put a ‘Be Back in 5 Minutes’ sign up on the counter, and ran off to follow Loki.

Whoa oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Whoa oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Just once tried to wrap your little brain around my feelings Just once please try not to be so mean (whoa oh oh) Repeat after me now R-O-M-A-N-C-E-E-E Come on I'll say it slowly (Romance!) You can do it babe At the same time, I wanna hug you I wanna wrap my hands around your neck You're an asshole but I love you And you make me so mad, I ask myself Why I'm still here, or where could I go You're the only love I've ever known But I hate you, I really hate you So much I think it must be True love, true love It must be true love Nothin' else can break my heart like True love, true love It must be true love No one else can break my heart like you

“Loki!” She called out after him, running through the long hallway to the stairs. “You get your arse back here, asshole!” She shouted, and he paused in his tracks, then turned around and grinned.

“Oh, so now you’re up for a fight?”

“Not so much a fight, I want to know what’s wrong?”

“Well I’ll tell you. First, Thor decides to poke at a sore spot,” (Y/N) knew exactly which one, from the expression on his face, and sometimes she just wanted to slap Thor, but he’s a puppy and doesn’t know what he’s doing to Loki half the time, “Second, Stark decides to electrocute me to see if he can get me to defenestrate him again so he can test out his precious suits,” He spat out the sentence as if it were a foul-tasting substance. “And third...” He glanced at her face. “Third, you decide to call me out on my emotions and true feelings.”

“You know what, I want to hug you and choke you at the same time, because one, I want to hug you to make you feel better, and I want to choke you because you’re insufferable. I love you okay? I care about you? You’re my friend.”

“Yeah.” His eyes turned dark and cold. “Your friend.” He spat out, and she felt mildly offended. She thought he wanted to be her friend?

“Fine then, if you don’t want to be my friend, I’m going back to work.” She spun on her heel and stormed back towards the counter.

“Wait no, (Y/N).” Loki called back, and she half-expected him to come running over to her and grab his wrist, but she didn’t feel or hear anything. It was as if he didn’t have the energy to even try get her back.

And it hurt more than she thought it would. It was if all those evenings they had spent together, bonding and talking, didn’t exist. It was as if she didn’t matter to the man who mattered most to her.

Whoa oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Whoa oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Think it must be love (I love you) I think it must be love (I love you) Why do you rub me up the wrong way? Why do you say the things that you say? Sometimes I wonder how we ever came to be But without you I'm incomplete I think it must be True love, it must be true love It must be true love

The rest of her day felt empty. As if a part of her was missing. A part of her was missing, but she stormed away and refused to be the one to run back and apologise.

Little did she know, Loki felt worse, he had lost his only friend in the entire building simply because of his bitterness towards being ‘friend zoned’ as Tony had explained to him one drunken evening.

She couldn’t concentrate, and he couldn’t think straight.

She felt frazzled, and hated it. It was annoying that she couldn’t even be in control of her own emotions. Maybe she just needed a break from him, from work, from life. Maybe she just needed to disappear for a while. Luckily, Natasha was very good at making people disappear, and Natasha was also her best friend.

Nothin' else can break my heart like True love, true love It must be true love No one else can break my heart like you Whoa oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Whoa oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh No one else can break my heart like you Whoa oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Whoa oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh No one else can break my heart like you

It was as Natasha was organising with Stark her leave that Loki finally approached her, nearly a week after the incident. She had finally gathered the courage to leave for a month, and he decided to saunter back into her life as if he had never left.

“And what are you doing up here, little mortal?”

“Oh, am I just ‘mortal’ to you now?” She muttered under her breath, hiding her hurt behind a well-practiced smile and well-worn mask. “Oh, I’m just organising with Nat my little holiday away from here.”

“Y-your what?” Loki seemed to falter, panic appeared in his eyes, then disappeared just as quickly as it appeared. “No, you cannot leave.”

“And how would you be able to stop me? Why shouldn’t I take a break after working oh-so-hard for oh-so-long?” She asked in all seriousness, raising an eyebrow, and Loki swallowed hard, then allowed her to see his emotions. 

“You can’t leave because I need you.”

“Well, you survived for one week without me just fine.” She huffed, not allowing him to see just how badly his display of emotions affected her.

“Fine then, you forced my hand. Or rather, my lips.” Loki growled, and stepped forward, one arm going around her waist, and the other hand holding her chin. “I am going to kiss you, and I am going to show you just how much you mean to me.”

When she didn’t respond, when she didn’t pull back, when she pushed forward and grabbed his shirt and hissed, “Then show me.”, amusement and want dancing in her eyes in equal measures.

And he did show her. He showed her in the way he held onto her desperately as if she were the last thing in existence, he kissed her as if this were their first and last kiss as long time lovers, and he loved her unconditionally, in a painful way that could never break. In a way that even their petty arguments and power games couldn’t break.

In a way that even their constant annoyance of each other couldn’t strain.

In a way that only could be true love.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #163: The Demi-God Must Die!

September, 1977

Wherein Iron Man tries to save Marvel from the shameful footnote of the Champions.

Except nah.

Once again we get a really good DC-esque Superdickery kinda cover. Where Iron Man is beating Hercules to death with his bare gauntled hands just cause.

Also, I love the detail of the do not litter trashcan that is being knocked over in this donnybrook.

But how much of this truth is truth truth? Lets find out.

Well we start with Iron Man trying to ram the Champions out of the sky. Perhaps embittered that they called their flying car something like Champscraft instead of Quinjet.

So, hey. What is a Quin anyway and how does it modify jet?

Anyway, I should introduce the Champions. Once upon a time, Tony Isabella wanted to do a book about Angel and Iceman but the Rules at the time stated that a book was either a solo or a team book and a team book needed five people including a woman and a strong guy.

So it became a book about the mysterious team-up of Black Widow, Hercules, Ghost Rider, Iceman and Angel. They became a bit of a punchline, like most California based Marvel teams.

The Champions guest-starring today are Hercules (the titular must die demi-god), Black Widow (she was a Champions before ever being an Avenger and that fucks with me), and Iceman who just wanted some chill hangout book with Angel and has to deal with these loons now.

So Iron Man rams the Champscraft out of the sky but thankfully Black Widow’s excellent driving and Hercules amazing ability to be an airbag, apparently, prevents anyone from being horribly dead for several years.

And then Iron Man punches Hercules in the throat to stop the pseudo-shakespearean dialogue. That’s Thor’s shtick and Tony is a strong believer in copyright, you’d better believe.

Black Widow shoots at Iron Man ineffectually with her Widow’s Bite and Iceman less ineffectually but still pretty ineffectually tries to restrain Iron Man in an ice cocoon.

Iron Man just repulsors him.

An interesting thing here is that Iron Man far outclasses any of the Champions aside from Hercules. Once Hercules shakes off his grogginess from the crash and being punched in the throat, Iron Man is pretty shit out of luck. But Iceman and Black Widow can’t do much more than briefly distract him.

Things wouldn’t change if Angel were here but I have to wonder how Ghost Rider would fare.

Oh and Iron Man peppers Black Widow with some building shrapnel. This is interesting because of something later but basically that’s how he dealt with a character too acrobatic to draw a good bead on.

And then Hercules rises up. And the dynamic of the fight completely changes, just like that.

Iron Man turns and flees. But also he smashes into some light poles to ‘clear some room’ but really to scare away the “ever-present innocent bystanders.”

And in Columbus Circle, where most of the crowds have fled from, Iron Man decides to make his stand.

Iron Man: “It’s my technological might against the full fury of the strongest Olympian god! Terrific.”

Hercules catches up and notes that he doesn’t see any madness in Iron Man’s eyes. And Hercules, he knows from madness. Maybe he’s recovered his senses and they don’t have to fight.

So Iron Man punches him in the face.

Okay well Hercules has standses all he can stands and now he’s definitely-

Iron Man repulsors him into a car.

Maybe Hercules should talk less (and smile more?)

Not that it matters. Iron Man is hitting him as hard as he can and it just cues Hercules to speechify more. PRINCE OF POWER!

Oh and we finally get some indication of what this is all about!

Seven pages in is a nice good number for some context, as Iron Man laments and also rues that he was on duty when Typhon popped up.

Remember Typhon?

Jerk from Greek mythology. Hercules defeated him with a supplex? What’s he got to do with this story where Iron Man has been bullying the Champions for no reason other than their future role as laughingstock of Marvel continuity?

Once upon a time five hours earlier, Beast was hanging out with Iron Man. Just shooting the shit together. Talking about how Hank Pym’s memory restoration treatments are going.

Because, yes, we left Hank off last issue completely livid at the Avengers and the Wasp and thinking Utron was his bestie and it does just get fixed off-panel. Thank you for asking.

When suddenly Typhon appeared behind Iron Man and shot him in the throat with his axe, a task which axes are well known for.

Typhon, a man out of mythology, also takes the time to point out that Beast, specifically, is weird. Oh, fine, he also says Iron Man is weird. I guess neither of them fought Typhon the first time.

The fight doesn’t go very well this time either. Nobody thinks to supplex him. So he just grabs Beast in his big ol’ hand and threatens to squish him unless Iron Man does what he says.

This cannot be good for Beast’s inferiority complex.

What Typhon wants is Hercules. But Hercules left the team a long time ago. But Typhon knows that telephones exist and tells Iron Man to summon Hercules BUT not warn him that Typhon is here. Its going to be a surprise. A murder surprise.

Hercules gets into a Champscraft no questions asked because Iron Man is a cool dude and surely his cause will be just, surely.

Back at Avengers Mansion, a bound-up Beast makes small-talk. Like, what specifically is his beef with Hercules?

And this is the beef: because of Hercules, Typhon was condemned to Hades. The place. Because the person is called Pluto, for reasons of clarity and also because Marvel just mixes and matches the Greek and Roman names for things. As many things do. You never see many Herakleses.

Anyway, Typhon made a deal with Pluto to be freed so that he could duel Hercules to the death. Not sure why, aside from generic death god evilness, Pluto even wants Hercules dueled to the death. Hades/Pluto and Hercules always got on fairly well. Hercules even took his uncle’s dog out for walkies the one time.

Granted, he tried to help some guy steal Pluto’s wife but Pluto got the last laugh there. So why the animosity?

Anyway, Typhon is actually pretty unconfident in his ability to beat Hercules. The man knows about supplexes. So he comes up with an idea. A wonderful, awful idea.

He’ll have Iron Man go out and punch Hercules a bunch first to weaken him. TRULY MAYBE TYPHON SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE GOD OF WISDOM.

In fairness, he also has Iron Man set up a monitor (acclimating well to the modern world, Typhon is) so he can make sure Iron Man fights and doesn’t try to warn off Hercules.

Iron Man came up with a plan anyway but it kind of got borked by Hercules recovering so quickly from throat punch. His plan was to knock Black Widow for a loop and then slip a miniature radio into her ear while she was stunned. So he could covertly fill her in on the situation without Typhon being the wiser.

But he didn’t have any backup plans so now he’s just punching Hercules as much as he can. He literally has no other plan than just to slug it out with Hercules until he drops and hopes Typhon hasn’t already killed Beast.

Hercules has finally gotten tired of tanking all these blows though. So he throws his own punch.

And then buries Iron Man under some rubble. And is shouting the whole time. Because that’s how Hercules rolls and also he’s a bit peeved that Iron Man treated his friends so shamelessly.

Okay. But specifically Black Widow.

Hercules is pretty much dominating the fight. As I said. The dynamic shifted. Iron Man gets some good blows in but he’s half-hearted about it.

He even wonders whether he should just take a dive and let Typhon deal with Hercules but dammit if its not convincing enough, Typhon will kill Beast!

So he has to keep fighting!

But he only uses the weapons that Typhon is already aware of. He’s hoping that Hercules can weather his onslaught (not that one) and have enough left over to supplex Typhon.

So he gives ground. Letting Hercules force him back to the mansion. Where he has a super weapon that will take care of Hercules no problem, swearsies.

But his armor’s power has been diminishing with all this high energy roughhousing so Hercules finally catches up to him and WHAK!s him hard. Hard enough that Iron Man starts to black out.

Hercules goes to walk past him to search for other Avengers to maybe contextualize this for him but Iron Man knows that if Hercules goes into the library, Typhon will ambush him.

His only hope is to pull an energy cable out of the wall and zap Hercules with high voltage to keep him from getting ambushed by Typhon!

And it works!

It works so well that it knocks Hercules unconscious!

You can’t even throw a fight right, Iron Man...

Or maybe not?

As Typhon comes out to gloat over Iron Man and Hercules’ unconscious forms, Iceman and Black Widow show up. The fight went on long enough for them to recover and follow the trail of destruction to the mansion and sort of deduce Iron Man’s general plan.

Although... Lets be honest. Black Widow and Iceman versus Typhon isn’t. A desirable matchup.

As scion of Typhoeus, lord of stormwinds and blizzards, Typhon laughs off Iceman’s powers. And he also has the type advantage since he got fire and lightning powers from his deal with Pluto.

But suddenly a caption box says suddenly to indicate that an event happens suddenly and that event is Beast pulling a dynamic entry on Typhon’s face.

Because when you need someone to show up suddenly nothing says sudden like a boot to the head.

Apparently, Beast got so ticked off at being sidelined, constantly captured, clobbered, or held hostage that he burst out of the steel cables binding him. That’s the power of being seriously nettled.

Beast being held hostage is the final puzzle piece that Black Widow needs to put together the whys of this whole series of events. And she also helps explain things to the audience with her musing, guessing that Beast’s healing factor was why he was discharged from the hospital before any of the other Avengers that were Ultron’d.

What’s more? She too knows the secret of supplex. I mean. She doesn’t actually supplex Typhon. But she chops his heel to weaken his stance and then flips him over her shoulder. 

Typhon certainly reacts similarly to the dreaded supplex though.

Typhon: “No! This cannot be! Only Hercules himself has ever toppled Typhon before! You must die for this, woman!”

Then Beast kicks him in the face again. And Iceman tries to freeze him.

Oh, hey. This is a bit of an X-Men reunion. Shame Angel couldn’t have been here, I guess.

But as before, Iceman’s ice is ineffectual and Typhon breaks free. And he is. Peeved.

He uses his Pluto fire/lightning powers to toss Beast, Black Widow, and Iceman aside so he can finally without any further distractions deal with H-

eyyyyyy buddy, Hercules! I see you’re up and about. Oh and Iron Man too. And you’re teamed up.

PEACE OUT.

More specifically, Pluto has lost faith that Typhon can deal with Iron Man, Hercules, Beast, Black Widow, and Iceman and extracts him from the situation back to his imprisonment in Hades.

But he’ll be baaaaaaaaaaaaack

I don’t remember if that happens and I don’t carrrrrrrrrre. Aside from his weakness to wrestling, Typhon is a blah character. I mean, he’s slightly more interesting now that they went into his specific mythological powers but meh.

But here’s something: Iron Man apologize for all this but Hercules is like ‘eh shit happens.’

Beast though. Beast can’t just ‘eh shit happens.’

Beast: “You’re a real funny man -- an Avenger, and not much else... yet for what you’ve been worth as a hero, lately, you might as well join a zoo!”

Because its not Avengers unless someone is brooding at the end.

Oh Beast! No! You’re... really good with masks? Probably smuggling recreational drugs into Avengers mansion? Uhh... ....

Is there a rule that someone has to be constantly insecure on the Avengers at all times? Is that why Hawkeye is on the team so often?

So this is overall a filler issue. The connections to what went before are tenuous aside from off-hand explanations that the rest of the team is still recovering from that Ultron thing. Thor is off-duty somewhere. But where is Wonder Man?

I guess this issue had to exist. While its not great that Hank Pym gets treated off-screen, at least there’s this issue to indicate that time is passing before the next huge thing. The Avengers were understaffed for a day because everyone was in the hospital.

But because of that, this feels more like a Champions story than an Avengers one. The villain is Hercules’ and the Champions outnumber the Avengers. More than either of those things, I guess it feels like an Iron Man story since its about him being forced to fight a fight he doesn’t want to win.

We also chug a little further on Beast’s insecurity character arc. I wonder where it will take us. In a way, its a shame that Beast’s stint on the Avengers being a foonote in an otherwise X-MEN ALWAYS history (he even derelicts his duty as an Avenger to run off to participate in the Dark Phoenix Saga) focuses so much on how insecure he feels about his role on the team. He takes time away from the X-Men to see what else he can be and what he discovers is that he’s shit at being Not An X-Men. But I’m still curious to see where it will take us.

Next time: The Lethal Legion. Its people we already know except they’ve banded together to fight the Avengers. No, not the Masters of Evil. They’re completely different, for some reason.

Hey, follow @essential-avengers. I don’t have any clever banter this time. I just think it would be neat.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #162: The Bride of Ultron!

August, 1977

So. Uh. Cool cover?

...

Lets not beat around the bush.

Last time: The Grim Reaper attacked and Wonder Man had to punch the shit out of him. And then Hank Pym got weird amnesia and attacked the Avengers as Ant-Man. They were weirdly unprepared to fight ants and a tiny man. And then Ultron apparently killed most of the Avengers and kidnapped Janet van Wasp and Ant-Man.

This time: A wedding I guess??

We start with Thor arriving at Avengers Mansion to find several of the team being carted away by ambulances.

Check out that tactless dude saying the one he’ll miss is Cap. Tragedy strikes us all differently but maybe don’t say that when you’re within spitting distance of all the other dead people. Maybe its meta, since Cap is the only one to have his own book?

Anyway, Thor heads inside and meets up with the survivors.

Black Panther was knocked out by Ultron’s splode so didn’t get shot with the encephalo-beam. Iron Man had his armor drained but Black Panther was able to help him once he recovered from splode.

And Wonder Man... probably something regarding the process he’s undergoing what with the glowy eyes. His physiology is just different now. Same reason Grim Reaper’s manacles didn’t affect him, remember?

Black Panther recaps the last issue for Thor.

He does a good enough job, I guess.

I personally think I do a little better. Although, he managed to get his synopsis down to two panels. And I just words words words.

Anyway, Thor swears vengeance because its the done thing. I like to think he swears five oaths of ‘Till my death... or his!’ before breakfast. The cooks in Asgard are getting a bit unnerved.

Elsewhere, Ultron. Also, Ant-Man. And they’re not currently trying to kill each other.

I know Hank has amnesia but what’s Ultron’s excuse?

Well, he has some weird scheme.

He claims that he, Ultron, rescued Hank, Ant-Man, from his enemies. That the ‘imposter’ Avengers turned on Wasp and near fatally injured her. But Ultron rescued her because he’s so brave and handsome.

But get this: medically speaking, medically speaking the only way to save Jan is to transfer her life-force into a robot body that Ultron just so happened to have prepared ahead of time. And then they can fix the meat. Swearsies.

I’m also sure it was medically necessary to strip Jan naked, you big creep, Ultron.

Don’t think you’re off the hook either, Shooter and/or Perez.

Okay, creeper robots slash comic producers aside, Ultron has set up the process so that once Jan’s life force has been transferred it can’t be transferred back.

Then by Hank’s own hand, Jan will have been killed to give life to a woman for Ultron.

This is why he gave Hank amnesia.

Because its Ultron. Of course he’s going to go full Oedipal.

Also, apparently this technology and process fit under what a bio-physicist does?

I don’t think Hank knows what his own field is, honestly.

And then we get another full page of Hawkeye and Two-Gun at the Cheery-O’s Dude Ranch because? This has to be going somewhere. If this doesn’t have a really good payoff, I’mma be pissed.

As it is, it establishes why Hawkeye doesn’t respond to this Ultron-related emergency.

Hawkeye leaves Two-Gun to watch the phone for any calls while he goes to feed the horses.

Two-Gun gets engrossed in Marvel comics about his cowboy friends, as drawn by Jack Kirby, and gets annoyed at the ringing contraption.

So he shoots it.

It was interrupting comic time.

And he doesn’t know what a phone is.

Womp womp.

I mean, yeah, ha ha, future technology confuses and infuriates him. But were you raised in a fucking barn, Two-Gun? This is your place of employment. Don’t go shooting things just because they annoy you! You are a guest here!

Time travelers. Geez.

Back at Avengers Mansion, Thor is freshly frustrated that he still can’t reach Hawkeye.

Wonder Man wonders (hah!) aloud if Hawkeye is even worth this grief but Thor chastises him because for all his many and varied personal failings, Hawkeye has put his time in and proven himself a thousandfold to the Avengers.

And Mr. Wonderful Punched A Few Dudes thinks he can judge Hawkeye.

Elsewhere, Iron Man tries to SCIENCE a way to find where Ultron went. But Ultron left no trace or it has faded by this point.

And he has to ponder... why kidnap Jan? Well, except the obvious... But neither Iron Man or Black Panther (who is elsewhere but having a very similar train of thought) want to really delve too deeply into that thought.

I mean, come on, surely not even Ultron is that much of a creeper?

Elsewhere, Ultron is dancing his happy Oedipal dance.

Because he’s gonna have a wife! Made out of his dad’s wife’s soul! The irony is so delicious that Ultron briefly forgets that he’s supposed to be roleplaying as a polite and helpful friend to Hank Pym who doesn’t want to murder all fleshies.

Oh and the robot girlfriend (and can we seriously just take a moment to slow down and consider that Ultron built himself a robot girlfriend?) starts to move so I guess this is also the “it’s alive.... IT’S ALIIIVE” moment.

No but seriously. Ultron built himself a robot girlfriend with robot hair.

By this point, the process of having her soul sucked out and put into a robot has managed to revive the Wasp. Of course she’s blindfolded by the soul-removing blindfold and also chained to a slab. She’s not going anywhere.

But she calls for Hank, crying out in alarm that she can feel her soul slipping away. And as she does, the love doll also begins to hold up half of her conversation, finishing Jan’s sentences but also saying stuff about a magnificent superior cybernetic body.

So. Yeah. Potentially terrifying.

For some people. Losing their humanity and such. Other people go ‘wait superior cybernetic body? I would like to subscribe to your pamphlet.’

Not that Hank hears any of this. Apparently the machines that power this process are just really loud. But he’s glad he can’t hear her. I mean, he knows that he’s totally saving her life but he has this weird feeling like maybe he’s killing her? Oh well, best to barrel on regardless.

You know what makes this really dumb? There is literally nothing wrong with Jan. She was drugged unconscious but that’s wearing off now. I can only conclude that Hank Pym didn’t even check Jan’s condition and instead just blindly believed the scary murder robot that told him these things.

Ultron thinks its hilarious though. Because once Hank has finished turning his wife into a robot, Ultron is going to kill him slowly.

Because Ultron!

Meanwhile, the few surviving Avengers are still farting around aimlessly. Ultron could literally be anywhere because they have no clues.

Wonder Man is so fed up with waiting that he smashes a console and proclaims that he was created to defeat all the Avengers, single-handedly!

Thor halts his tantrum and offers some good Thor advice.

Thor: “Thou shalt crave far greater strength if the battle thou desirest comes! Do not waste the might that is thine! Mark my words, mortal! Thy first true test is yet to come!”

And then a bunch of ants show up.

Luckily for the Avengers and their lack of ant-preparedness, these are not swarming attack ants.

This is an antogram! 

Like a telegram but with ants.

They form into the shape of letters on the ground, spelling out: STARKLI.

WHICH CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING!

Someone call Iron Man and have him tell us the only one thing it can mean.

Okay, so Iron Man here. Obviously the letters signify the abandoned aerospace research center of Stark industries on Long Island. And the ants signify that Ant-Man is sending a super stealthy message to the Avengers.

And really, they have no other leads to follow so yeah fuck it lets go to Long Island.

AND OFF THEY FLY, having heroic dialogue because that’s what comics is all about. Having dramatic, heroic dialogue while you’re flying off to your death.

Wait, death?

Wonder Man suddenly realizes that he might die tonight. Ultron has already killed four Avengers who will never, ever be back and even Thor is talking like he expects to die in this fight.

And Wonder Man died once and didn’t much care for it.

Later, at the abandoned aerospace research center in Long Island of all places, the point of no return is approaching. Robot wife mumbled so.

When suddenly, Black Panther spouting a pretty cool line.

Black Panther: “Turn, Ultron! Face me!”

Ultron: “Who --”

Black Panther: “The harbinger of a storm of vengeance, evil one!”

Yup. Black Panther snuck past Ultron’s sentinel devices because Black Panther almost always rolls nat 20s on stealth, except when he announces his presence to say a cool thing.

In fairness. It was a pretty cool thing. And I’m pretty sure that he gets bonuses if he says the cool things.

Then Mjolnir smashes through a wall. Thor is here too.

And Iron Man repulsors through a wall because its his building so he can break it if he wants.

Just as Ultron is sticking his foot in his mouth to announce that the three of them can’t possibly stop him, Wonder Man bursts through the ceiling.

I would laugh if every time Ultron reacted to what he thought was the new number of Avengers, another person showed up. Give me a whole issue of “And me!”

Ultron calls shenanigans on Wonder Man’s presence. He should be in a coma! He was struck by the encephalo-beam like the rest.

Wait, a coma? asks Iron Man.

Yeah, the ‘dead’ Avengers aren’t dead. Like Marvel would kill off Captain America. Can you imagine?

Prometheus aside, out of the ‘dead’ Avengers, Captain America is the only one I wouldn’t have bought them killing off in the previous issue.

Vision, Scarlet Witch, and Beast all are exclusive to Avengers at this point. Cap has his own book.

We’re all cynical today but the previous issue ended with the Avengers lying in a hero heap and this issue started with several Avengers being treated as really dead for serious. Not badly wounded. Dead.

Granted, this nonsense was pulled before with Grim Reaper’s first appearance but that was done-in-one and the whole team so obviously it wouldn’t stick. This? If you were a kid reading this back in the day, I buy that you could buy that the ‘dead’ Avengers were dead for realsies.

Ultron’s admission here is the first indication to the otherwise.

And even so, everyone shot by the encephalo-beam will die within hours if the coma-effect isn’t reversed.

The encephalo-beam is cool like that. Its like Grim Reaper’s coma-ray except better. Because Ultron built it. Both of them really but he built his toy to be cooler.

Why not keep all the best stuff for yourself, really? Its what Tony does. I learned it from watching you, dad’s friend! Slash, alternate reality dad.

Anyway, Ultron tries to encephalo-beam Thor but Iron Man blocks it.

With his head.

Way to take the encephalo, Iron Man. I’m not sure it was even necessary since Wonder Man’s weird physiology protected him from the beam somewhat and surely Asgardians have weirder physiology. Up to the point where sometimes Thor claims that radiation just doesn’t affect him and also he can breath in space.

But if the attack would have taken Thor out even for a temporary period of time, it was better for Iron Man to take it.

Because: pro-tip: his armor protected him.

And then he repulsors Ultron into an equipment bank.

Which is... pointless, really. Ultron’s chassis is built of indestructible adamantium and he has auto-repair systems which makes physically fighting him an exercise in futility.

And yet the Avengers never seem to realize that before they try punching him in the face. You’d think Iron Man would have prepared something. He’s the tech wiz and their best hope after Scarlet Witch and Hank Pym aren’t available.

But I guess he just planned to blast him through walls all day and hope that catharsis is a tangible force that can defeat robots.

Thor and Wonder Man charge to follow up on Iron Man’s attack. Even Ultron is baffled that they’re trying to stop him via punches.

But Wonder Man is dwelling on what Thor said about dying and he’s having... I don’t know. Something. He feels like he’s watching this whole thing from outside, disassociated from the whole process.

Anyway, while punches are not so effective on Adamantium/Fighting types, they’re super effective against Thor and Wonder Man and Ultron just WHAK-rRAKs them. 

That’s the sound of a superstrong robot belting two super tough dudes. Its probably like thunder with a bit of the thump of hitting flesh mixed in.

Meanwhile, Black Panther is smart enough to realize that his punches won’t do much against Ultron so he goes to see to Hank Pym.

But to his surprise, Ant-Man isn’t just putting on a pretense to lull Ultron into a false sense of security so that he can summon the Avengers to aid him. He really does think that Ultron is his partner and that the Avengers are imposters.

Also, he just finished the process so that it will complete automatically. Now he’s free to help Ultron-

WHAK!

Hah, no. Best way to stop Ant-Man from shrinking around and kicking your ass? Kick him in the head while he’s still talking.

Wonder Man is still grappling with his fear of death while trying to punch Ultron in the face. While multitasking is laudable, this time it gets him blasted by the robit. Because its slowing him down and distracting him.

Meanwhile, Iron Man has recovered (I guess from the encephalo-beam?) and has gone to help Black Panther with the robotization machine. So its up to Thor and Wonder Man.

But the controls of the device are locked and protected by a code and they’ll never figure it out in time.

Unless... they can make Ultron tell them.

Meanwhile, on the fight side of the room, Ultron has sensed Wonder Man’s hesitation and decided that he’ll be the easier victim.

Thor interprets this as a brilliant ploy by Wonder Man to get Ultron to grapple with him.

And then he just jumps right on that grapple pile, hooking Mjolnir around Ultron’s neck because? I mean, probably to harness his movements and not to strangle him. Because robot.

Even if they can’t hurt him, Thor has decided that between the two of them, they can hold him in place. I guess that’s something like strategy if you don’t ask ‘ok but now what?’

Also, Thor’s holding strategy includes one of Ultron’s hands around Wonder Man’s neck so from his perspective its perhaps not ideal.

But Iron Man has a different plan and calls over to get Ultron’s attention.

Which is: give me the release code or I melt your girlfriend.

Ultron protests that robot wife and Wasp are the same and to destroy one would destroy the other so this is totally a bluff, Iron Man wouldn’t sacrifice a comrade to thwart Ultron.

NO WAIT SECOND THOUGHT DON’T HURT MY ROBOT WIFE

So time skip to after he gives them to code and Ultron flies off in a huff, swearing vengeance.

Wonder Man tries to confess his hesitance in battle but Thor just tells him that they’ll talk later.

I really want to see that conversation and I’m mad that we probably never get to.

Black Panther reproaches Iron Man that there’s little honor in a victory won by taking a robot girl hostage but Iron Man tells him it worked so who cares.

But in his cloud like thought bubbles, he wonders what he would have done if Ultron had remained intransigent. Would he, could he have killed her and possibly the Wasp?

That’s just a question that Iron Tony will have to live with.

And now an EPILOGUE

So. Hank is still an angry amnesiac. He insists that Ultron will be back for him because they’re such bffsies and then they’ll crush the Avengers together! And also Wasp! Because obviously she has turned on him!

But Iron Man believes studying Ultron’s equipment may give them the means to restore Ant-Man’s memories.

But what if it didn’t? Spoiler: Hank later turns up with his memories back and it really could have been dwelt on more. But what if it didn’t work? What if Hank’s memories were gone forever and he believed that Ultron was his friend and he continued to hate the Avengers and Wasp? What if Ultron did come back to spring him and they teamed up again? Ultron in his head thinking the whole time that he’d likely kill Hank in the morning but the opportunity just never came up?

It would have been an interesting place for the character to go. And roughly parallel to his actual fall from grace in future issues.

As we saw last issue, Hank could be a startlingly dangerous antagonist for the Avengers. Teamed up with Ultron, they could be the ultimate dad-son villain team. Where one is constantly fantasizing about killing the other.

But in this reality, there is a lingering question. I mean, beyond whether Iron Man would murder a robot wife. Hank didn’t summon the ants that gave the Avengers the clue where to look. And Wasp denies doing it either, since Ultron took away her cybernetic collar when he was undressing her like a creeper.

Could it have been... “someone... sympathetic to Jan’s plight. Someone with sophisticated cybernetic circuitry at hand, capable of projecting a thought-impulse to nearby insects!”

Could it be that despite Iron Man’s dismissal of Robot Wife as just a thing that wasn’t really Jan, that in her brief half-life when Jan’s soul was being transferred into her, that she was more human and more like Jan than even Ultron suspected?

These are the mysteries. And I get the feeling we haven’t seen the last of Robot Wife, who will eventually get one of the more embarrassing names in comics.

By feeling, I really mean ‘I know who this character is and have seen her in other comics from many years later.’

So. A pretty good two-parter. First part let us see what Ant-Man is like when he lets get dangerouses. And the second part shows us why the Avengers need to make Ultron plans before they head out to punch Ultron.

I’m ambivalent to Ultron generally because this is how Ultron stories usually go. The Avengers try to punch the indestructible robot to death, get surprised when it doesn’t work. And also, the encephalo-beam is used as a win-button far too frequently.

But the part of Ultron stories that I do like: how do you defeat an indestructible robot? And that tends to be unique and creative every time.

Although its still frustrating that the Avengers only hit on the idea after they’ve been bloodying their knuckles on Ultron’s face for a while. They never plan! At this point, they know for sure Ultron is out there and vengeful so if they don’t have some contingencies in place next time he shows up, I’m going to be hecka nettled! It doesn’t even matter if the contingencies fail, I just want to see that the Avengers have been trying to do their homework!

Also, this starts off or at least reinforces a pretty consistent character trend: what Ultron wants most of all is companionship. He is a lonely murder robot and he doesn’t know how to make friends so he keeps trying to make friends. Making companions is even slightly more important to him than world conquest.

I also have noticed this kind of trend. What with all the guest stars that hang around and never leave, the Avengers roster is pretty bloated. Thor is on inactive membership but he’s around so often it doesn’t really matter. So you have: Captain America, Iron Man, Scarlet Witch, the Wasp, Vision, Wonder Man, Black Panther, Beast.

Eight people.

And its hard to manage a team that big and give space for everyone. And I’ve noticed a tendency for the team to be split up in some way. Like here where four of the team were ‘killed’, another two hostage or brainwashed ally of the villain, leaving a manageable four left to be the Avengers this time.

I’ll have to keep an eye out to see if sidelining continues to be a thing going forward to manage this book’s large cast.

Next time: a filler cross-over to give some breathing room before the next big thing that pushes the Avengers to their limits.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Defenders #11: A Dark and Stormy Knight

December, 1973

“Dark and Stormy Knight”? I get it! Because.... because the Black Knight?

Right. Well. Anyway.

This is an okay cover. Conveys the nature of the threat they’ll be facing and illustrates Dr. Strange’s stunning overestimation of his own abilities. But I just have to wonder. Where is Valkyrie’s cover bubble?

Last time: Dormammu tricked the Defenders into thinking they needed the Evil Eye to unstone Black Knight from when Enchantress turned him into a statue as an eternal testament on how rad she is. A lot of nonsense and shenanigans ensued but the Avengers and Defenders together defeated Dormammu and claimed the Evil Eye. Or rather, Scarlet Witch did most of the work.

This time: Time to fire up that bad boy and see if it works. Yup. This is technically the last part of the Avengers/Defenders War. The war is over but it would kind of feel dumb to not address whether the big motivating factor of so much of the event could be saved or not.

So lets start as Dr. Strange points the Evil Eye at the fourth wall.

Both teams are back on Earth now. And although there is a lot of damage from the dimension merge and monsterificaiton of people, if Scarlet Witch hadn’t gotten the Evil Eye to eat Dormammu Earth would now be a land filled with mindless monsters under Dormammu’s rule.

Nick Fury goes up to thank her for saving humanity but she blows him off. She doesn’t want humanity’s thanks. She was just doing her Avengers duty. I see she’s still a bit nettled over those anti-robot suicide bombers.

Trying to avoid an awkward conversation, Fury tries to swing the conversation toward the Defenders but Dr. Strange instantly wipes his mind. In fact, he wipes knowledge of the Defenders from everyone’s minds, except the Avengers.

What a douchey thing to do, Dr. Strange. Its his wish that the Defenders remain unknown to the world at large. Maybe he just doesn’t want to be blamed for gathering the Evil Eye and indirectly causing this disaster. Either way, his desire for privacy probably doesn’t outweigh the entire population’s desire not to have their synapses scorched.

Anyway. He does it. With the power of the Evil Eye, Dr. Strange wipes knowledge of the Defenders, cleans up the damage left behind by the dimension merge, and poofs away the Defenders.

At least he cleaned up after himself.

So at Strange’s sanctum, Dr. Strange uses the Evil Eye to turn himself into a statue.

Its for a good reason, swearsies.

Oddly, someone forgot to tell the colorist that the Black Knight should still be a statue too. Womp womp.

Dr. Strange astral projects away from his stone body into that cool space land that the Black Knight’s spirit had retreated to. While he’s at it, he muses on the irony that Dormammu lied about the Evil Eye being used to help the Black Knight when its being used to help the Black Knight.

But when he gets to the arbitrary space spot where the Black Knight’s spirit should be, by the Many Moons of Munnopor, it isn’t!

Meanwhile, while the Defenders wait for Dr. Strange to finish up what he’s doing, Hawkeye muses.

He’s probably going to quit the Defenders. He likes them but he ragequit the Avengers to prove he could make it on his own and if he just immediately joins another group, how would that look?

Plus, being tricked into fighting the Avengers put a sour taste in his mind mouth.

Namor agrees. “Being in a group is not the way one demonstrates his true worth.” Namor himself is planning to quit after this mission.

And then Dr. Strange comes back. He starts to explain that the Knight has vanished mysteriously when the Defenders vanish mysteriously. With that most mysterious of sound effects: the FOOM!

The Defenders now find themselves in a world of deserts, fortresses, catapults and oh hey, its the Black Knight. Just the man we were looking for!

They’re a confusing but welcome sight for sore eyes but there’s no time for casual conversation! They’ve ended up in the 12th century Crusades and the Arabs are attacking!

Hahaha, I don’t want to be anywhere near Marvel’s Saturday Morning Cartoon conception of the Crusades.

Neither does Dr. Strange, although for different reasons. This isn’t his war so he’ll just use a spell to immobilize the attackers so the Defenders can get their bearings.

Hulk is fed up with... pretty much everything by this point so just pounds the ground, knocking the attacking Arabs off their feet. And then the other Defenders jump in to help now that Hulk has kind of made their decision for them.

And then a grey version of the Hulk attacks.

Noooo, not Joe Fixit. A gnome of some sort. Except a big gnome. Wish they didn’t make it look so much like the Hulk. It’s not confusing so much as it is off-putting.

Anyway, Dr. Strange and the Silver Surfer blast the gnome, Temax, to no avail. Hulk attacks only to get swatted away.

Dr. Strange reiterates his desire to avoid conflict and teleports the Defenders away before Temax can throw a really big rock.

MILES AWAY, the Defenders plus the Black Knight reappears. There’s no immediate danger so you know what that means!

Exposition time!

Black Knight explains that because of a spell cast by Merlin at the time of Camelot’s collapse, his spirit was yoinked back in time to possess the dead body of his dead ancestor, the original Black Knight. Their spirits have mingled and he’s on a quest to find and fight the man who murdered the original Black Knight, MODRED THE EVIL!

Who also died centuries ago but his essence lives on and can appear anywhere, anytime. Which sounds hax.

Because of Modred’s interference, King Richard was captured and made an Arabian prisoner in the middle of his crusade. And Prince John, instead of being a lion in England trying to get a meddling fox, has taken command of Richard’s army and is planning to desert the king. Also, he’s teamed up with Modred.

The spell that yoinked Black Knight brings opposition to Modred. So it brought Black Knight into this time to fight him and it must have caught up the rest of the Defenders too, to even the odds against the magic that Modred wields.

Basically: Merlin did it.

Later that evening, the Defenders have a plan.

They sneak into Richard’s prison in the guise of really conspicuous priests. And then they split up. Dr. Strange, Namor and the Hulk will go after Modred. The rest will go to free the king.

Black Knight takes a second to grouse that Valkyrie has his sword but Hawkeye says hey you left it unattended on your body. Losers weepers.

Meanwhile, the ‘get Modred’ side of things follows a hunch of Dr. Strange’s. There’s only one corridor of the fortress with no sand on the floor. Clearly, that means the gnomes absorb the sand, leaving the floor clean.

And then they get spotted when two people arguing over a bet drop a torch and see that the Hulk has green feet.

Before you can say ‘man gangrene is really bad huh’ Hulk and Namor have punched them unconscious but too late to keep them from crying out.

Meanwhile elsewhere, Valkyrie ponders that she feels no love for the Black Knight. I don’t remember if I mentioned it but early on when she first joined, she had an irrational love for a man she knew for five minutes. Whether it was just a side-effect of her creation by the Enchantress or something else is unknown to me. But it seems to have worn off.

Anyway, they rescue Richard.

And then get attacked by three gnomes, one of them still looking uncomfortably like the Hulk, another looking like the Hulk if he became a monk, and the third not being very Hulk at all good job.

Anyway, the Defenders get their shit rekt. They all get one feeble attack before being knocked sprawling by the gnomes.

Valkyrie tosses the Ebony Blade to the still standing Black Knight and he has a moment of confidence where he reaffirms his bond to the cursed sword, the singing power locked deep within its polished black metal, and that he was born for battle. This is why he is the Black Knight!

He valiantly rushes forward proclaiming that the Ebony Blade can counter magic!

And he gets even more rekt than the other Defenders.

Damn.

Elsewhere, the other party finds Modred, Prince John, and Chandu the Arabian wizard. Chandu is summoning more gnomes.

The Defenders leap to attack, Dr. Strange confidant that using the Evil Eye will swing the battle in their favor.

But Chandu casts a spell against Dr. Strange and knocks him for a loop. Its magic that has never been directed against him before. Because Chandu is calling on the same forces Dr. Strange usually summons. Womp womp.

Also sorta implied that Dr. Strange doesn’t have access to those forces right now because he hasn’t chronologically befriended them yet.

And then Namor punches Chandu right in his goatee.

And then gets tackled out of the fortress by the gnome Chandu was summoning. There’s a bit of bad news, best news though. Bad news: the gnome hits like a mack truck’s gamma-irradiated cousin and Namor is hurt pretty bad. Best news: the gnome tackled him into an oasis. Not only does the water reinvigorate Namor, it also happens to be the elemental weakness of the gnomes.

The mohawked gnome starts melting. 

Now this is something Namor can get behind. “For as I understand so well, water and land ultimately destroy each other!”

You do you, Namor.

And he do do him. He smacks the oasis so hard that he sends a wave through the mystic chamber where the Defenders are fighting Modred and co AND into the tower where the other Defenders got their asses kicked trying to rescue Richard.

And thus today Namor is MVP.

But something occurs to Namor. The whole Avengers/Defenders War was pointless. For many days, the Defenders fought hard to gain the Evil Eye. But it was Merlin’s spell that yoinked them back in time. And it was the simple cleansing power of punched water that saved them from the gnomes. The Evil Eye hasn’t done jack or shit!

Maybe that can be remedied? Because Prince John picked it up from where Dr. Strange dropped it when Chandu zapped him. And boy Prince John is just going to flip the board, so to speak.

And then Prester John shows up and goes ‘nope’ and force summons the Evil Eye to his hand. And he blasts Modred and Prince John unconscious.

Prester John explains that he sensed that the Evil Eye had been restored so he traveled through time to retrieve it. Because he can do that. Shut up.

And even though he has recovered the Evil Eye before he ever obtained it, he’s going to stay in this era because Prester John doesn’t care for your 20 cent paradoxes. Prester John has important Evil Eye owning to do.

Anyway, not only does he belong in this era, he tells Black Knight that he does as well. What with his valor, skill in swordplay, and love of the life chivalric.

PRESTER JOHN KNOWS ALL.

Black Knight admits that he never felt comfortable in the 20th century and could never get interested in being a full-time Avenger (you never even tried!). He’s going to stay in the past!

Dr. Strange is strangely (hah) comfortable with their whole quest being pointless. And since Black Knight already has a body in the past, Strange is just going to keep the stone body in the present. It looks good in his study.

King Richard doesn’t understand any of this high-concept nonsense but he’s happy to have Black Knight if he wants to stay.

And then Prester John sends them Back to the Future with the Evil Eye. Because that is also something it can do.

Back at Strange’s Sanctum, Hawkeye calmquits the Defenders. He thought about becoming part of the team but its not really what he wants. And he’s off to have solo adventures.

Namor also quits. He has to go spend more time in Atlantis. But he’ll be back if he’s ever truly needed. Likewise for the Silver Surfer, except for the Atlantis thing. And likewise for the Hulk, except for the Atlantis thing or the promising to come back thing.

And off they fly or jump hella high in different directions.

Leaving just Valkyrie and Dr. Strange behind, wondering if they’ll ever see them again.

Considering there’s a ‘next time’ box, I wager there’s a strong possibility.

Anyway, that was the real, true actual conclusion to the Avengers/Defenders War. It kind of falls flat. Its good to get resolution on the Black Knight even if that resolution is ‘nah I’m going to stay in the past and help with the Crusades.’

Because of his love of swordplay and valor and chivalry. He is the worst kind of ‘I was born in the wrong century’ person.

But after being fought over so long, the Evil Eye was ultimately pointless. Well, I guess it sent them home. But it would have been a dick move of Merlin to yoink people from the future without a way to send them back.

I think overall this didn’t need to be part of the Avengers/Defenders War. Its not a satisfying conclusion. All it does is tie up a loose end that the Avengers themselves weren’t interested enough to see followed up on.

Also, if Prince John was defeated here, when will he sign the Magna Carta? You’ve destroyed history, you idiots!