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#it's whatever ig? it's not something i cant deal with
iqmmir · 6 months
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Ahhh....
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zymstarz · 4 months
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yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out
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#zymart#zymtalk#rant in the tags ->#okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st#the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL#i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board#bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route#and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week#then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway'#and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened'#'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly#in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized#after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??'#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.#horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly#SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible.#im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it#oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]:#that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi#i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie#[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim]#but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long.#but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now#idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim#but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it#anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty.#side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying 🫶#you are not safe#edit: this is karma for saying 'thank god'. might be demiace too. this is the worst month of my life /j
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widevibratobitch · 6 months
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took a bunch of clothes to my mom's to wash them since my washing machine is still down and she said 'ill do it dw about it' and threw my favourite white top in with the colours. i no longer have a favourite white top :)
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sillyabtmusic · 10 months
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not gonna lie its sucks a little to have Had the mindset of not caring about the note count and just making gifs for fun but then over time shifting to caring about the note count a little bit -_-
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kuiinncedes · 2 years
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:P
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peapod20001 · 11 days
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Ouuu why do I gotta be blind and need glasses that are fucked up and won’t fix no matter how much you adjust them
#vent#cryin bout the glasses again cus I’m soo cooool and normal#uhhhggggg these ones are NEW REPLACEMENTS for the last NEW ONES I got cus they were FUCKED UP#and the spring hinge DIDNT WORK so now I got NEW new ones where the hinges work#but SIKE they’re STILL fucked up. now you get them slightly wonky on your face and still tight!! :)#oh and also you are annoying everyone around you because you’ve gotten glasses adjusted like 5 times in less than a month#and no matter HOW they are adjusted whether they’re WIDE or WHATEVER THE FUCK ELSE. they are Always#too tight on your face BUT they still slide sometimes and you want to throw yourself off of the roof so you don’t have to deal with it#fcking fuxk ugh bullshit stupid ass glasses I need to see so my eyes won’t hurt but the trade off is my head hurting and people getting upse#at me for continuously needing adjustments cus I TOTALLY just want to keep going back over and over again and sit there for a long ass time#as they heat the damn things and make adjustments that LOOK like they’d do something yet they DONT FUCKIBG FO ANYYYTHIBG IM SO PISSED OFFFFF#ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY I CANT DEAL WITH IT I CANT FUCKING DO IT. AGHHHGGGGGGF FUCJKXKXKTF WHYY#I LITERALLY!! ALREADY HAVE THE SAME PAIR !!! ALL THAT CHANGED WAS MY LEFT EYE!!!!!!!! BUT APPARENTLY WE CANT JUST SWAP THE LENSES OR SOME BU#BULLSHIT CUS!! FUCK ME I GUESS ITS NOT LIKE IM THE ONE WHO HAS TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT!! I was so excited to get my new prescription so my#eye wouldnt hurt but I’m just not allowed nice things ig. these ones are worse than the last ones I just. I don’t fucking know what the deal#is or how to fix it like if they were just slippy? that’s fine I can work with that but they’re TIGHT and can’t fucking DEALL. AGAGGGAGGGGGG
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darlinqs · 2 years
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so i
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saetoshi · 1 year
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corazón de melón.
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tldr; the one time you have a proper conversation with itoshi sae ends up unleashing a series of events you never imagined could’ve happened.
wc. 10.2k
¿?: roommates to lovers, college!au, idiots in love, this is pure domesticity tbh, fluff, lowk word vomit, ooc-ish sae (he’s a silly lil guy sometimes this is the hill i’ll die on), slow burn ig ??, swearing, someone’s mean to you (not sae), not proofread (no surprise)
a/n: i have so many emotions in my heart for sae, SOMEONE SEDATE ME PLEASE FREE ME FROM HIM I CANT LIVE NORMALLY ANYMORE, turned rue into a sae liker for this so real of me, @rintosei, enjoy ur meal my children this is probably the longest thing i’ll write in a hot minute
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when others think of itoshi sae, many words come to mind: genius, talented, jerk, asshole, rude, mean, scary, lashes, pretty—the list goes on. 
you have no particular thoughts about sae. all he is to you is your roommate. you’d like to have an opinion of him, but that seems impossible with the way you can count the number of times you’ve spoken to him with one hand.
though, if you had to be honest, the only common thread in the few interactions you’ve had is that he very clearly does not care for your company—or anyone’s company, for that matter. 
not that you blame him. if you had to deal with having to go to practice after a day of classes, you wouldn’t want to interact with anyone else, either. (you’d also not have the energy to do anything.)
it’s why you’re used to hearing him get back to the apartment while you’re eating dinner; why you started leaving some leftovers for him to eat whenever he wants to.
it’s also why you’re surprised when he comes back from practice earlier than usual. you jump when you hear the front door open, placing your hand over your heart.
your turn to the door, eyes widening slightly when you see sae walk in. you don’t greet him—you never do—you don’t think he’d appreciate it. (he never greets you either, so you assumed it was fine.)
so, you turn your attention back to the tv, reaching out to grab the broom. you quickly start sweeping, humming a tune while the noise of whatever drama is playing in the background fills the apartment. 
you barely register that sae’s door doesn’t open, but the thought quickly leaves your mind when something dramatic happens to one of the leads. 
you take a step back, an unceremonious yelp leaving your lips when your back bumps into something. a second passes by before you slowly tilt your head back.  
your eyes are met with a pair of teal ones. a sheepish smile tugs at your lips, “hi?” 
he raises a brow, “what are you doing?”
“cleaning.” you move the broom from side to side in hopes to draw his attention to it. (he barely glances at it before his eyes snap back to yours.)
you take a step forward, moving to face him. he just stares at you. an awkward silence settles between the two of you.
“you’re back early.” you hope he didn’t hear your voice crack.
he blinks, clearly uninterested. “practice ended early.” 
you hum, nervously bouncing on the balls of your feet. you huff, tapping your fingers against the broom. “i see.”
it’s clear both of you feel uncomfortable. still, neither of you makes a move to leave. you’re more surprised sae’s still standing in front of you. (sae’s mildly intrigued you’re attempting to talk to him.)
you open your mouth to speak, but promptly shut it close. you repeat the action two more times before sae interrupts you, “what?”
your eyes drift away from his. you gnaw on your bottom lip. “it’s nothing.”
he glares at you. “just spit it out.”
your eyes widen, snapping back to look at him as you dismissively wave your hand. “it’s really nothing, you can just leave!”
“you clearly have something you want to say to me,” he deadpans, “so i suggest you get it over with so we can put an end to this lukewarm conversation.”
you take a deep breath, wiping one hand against your shirt, gently swaying the broom with the other. “i was just wondering, y’know since you’re back early–”
“hurry up.”
“do you wanna eat together?” you look at the ground, feet shuffling uncomfortably. the silence feels unbearable. 
“that’s it?” the confusion in his voice confuses you. you lift your eyes to stare at him, confusion etched in your face.
your head tilts to the side in confusion, “what do you mean ‘that’s it’?” 
“you wanna eat with me?” he points at himself. his brows knit when you nod. sae owlishly blinks, 
“okay.”
his eyes widen in confusion when he sees an elated smile bloom on your lips. 
“i won’t start cooking yet, since i at least have to finish sweeping,” you hum, “but if you’re hungry you could get started on something and i’ll join you when i’m done.”
“i can’t cook.” sae awkwardly coughs. he shoves his hands into his pockets, looking away from you, a soft flush spreading through his cheeks.
“oh,” you blink, smiling at him. “that’s fine! i can cook something while you clean instead.”
the blush on his cheeks deepens as his brows furrow.  “i don’t know how to clean.”
your smile tightens, eyes squinting as you inch closer to him.
there’s a beat of silence. “what can you do then?”
“play football.” you wait a few seconds for him to say something else. 
“that’s it?”
“yeah.” he says it as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. (as if it was the only thing that mattered.)
you rub your forehead, a dry laugh escaping your lips. 
if you were to tell others of this discovery you’re sure they wouldn’t believe you. you’re not even sure you believe him, yourself.
at least you didn’t, until he took the broom from your grasp. you have to bite back your laughter when he can’t even hold it properly. you wonder how he’d manage to survive alone.
itoshi sae is basically useless outside of football, you conclude. (and you’re not sure if this is the opinion you want to have about your roommate.)
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it’s been a week since you learned about sae’s lack of ability to do seemingly anything other than kick a ball around.
it’s also been a week since he started coming back from practice earlier. you have mixed feelings about it. on one hand, you find it strangely comforting knowing you’re not alone in the apartment. on the other, sae just stares at you while you clean.
you’re sick of feeling his eyes follow you around. it feels like a predator watching its prey. having his eyes trail you makes you feel judged, and you’ve had enough.
so, you tighten your grip around the mop in your hands, turning around to look at sae. you take a deep breath, “why are you staring at me?”
he blinks, propping an arm on a couch cushion and leaning his head into his palm. “i’m trying to learn.”
confusion paints itself all over your face, “learn what?” 
“learn to clean.” you hate when he says things like they’re the most obvious thing ever. it makes you feel as if he expects you to know what goes on in his head.
“by staring at me?” you raise a brow. 
he simply shrugs, “i’m a visual learner.”
you don’t know if you believe him. 
so, you place one of your hands on your hips, tilting the mop back and forth with the other one. “in that case, you should try cleaning today.”
his eyes widen, mouth curling into a fine line. “i don’t think i’m ready for that.”
you take a step closer to him, holding the mop out to him. “well, i think that after a week of watching me you should start practicing what you’ve learned.”
“don’t ever think again.” he frowns.
“oh, please,” you roll your eyes, “don’t tell me the itoshi sae is afraid of a little mopping.”
that makes him get up. you bite back the satisfied smile threatening to creep up your face when he snatches the mop from your hands.
“i’m just supposed to move this side to side, right?” he stiffly holds the mop, looking at you with a raised brow.
“‘m not gonna help you out,” you make your way to the couch, mimicking his earlier position. “if you’ve been learning from staring at me for a week then you should know what to do.”
“i know what to do.” he rolls his eyes, “i just don’t know how to do it.”
“figure it out, then.” you lean forward against the palm of your hand, trying to hide your smile behind your fingers.
he glares at you and scoffs, redirecting his attention to the object in his hands. you fail to stifle your laughter when he moves the mop in a sweeping motion.
“don’t laugh!” his grip tightens around the mop, heat rushing to his ears. 
you bite your tongue, the ghost of a smile still lingering on your lips, “i’m not.”
he tsks, slightly pouting. he walks towards you, dragging the mop behind him. you look up at him, you eyes flutter closed when he flicks your forehead. 
“teach me.” your eyes snap open, flickering to meet his. a confused noise leaves your lips as your brows furrow. 
“teach you what?” your eyes flutter when he flicks your forehead again.
sae’s eye twitches in annoyance, “are you stupid or something?”
you glare at him, “not everyone thinks the same things you do!”
he clicks his tongue, rolling his eyes. he points at the mop and then at himself. “teach me to clean.”
“i thought you said you were a visual learner.” you deadpan. 
“consider this your punishment for laughing at me.” he huffs, a condescending smile blooming on his lips when he sees your pained expression.
his face leans closer to yours, “i look forward to learning from you, teach.”
you dumbly stare at him as he places the mop in your hands. he flashes you a shit-eating grin before retreating to his room. you blink twice before coming to your senses, punching the couch cushions in anger. 
you wish you hadn’t found out itoshi sae was a little shit. you much preferred when you only thought of him as your useless roommate. 
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itoshi sae is the most infuriating student you’ve ever met. 
you thought someone described as a genius would be a much better student than he actually is. he doesn’t pay attention to anything you say at all. you wonder if his teachers just let him pass the class because they don’t want him around anymore. 
you have a newfound respect for his actual teachers. you don’t know how they manage to stand him for a whole semester when you don’t think you can even last two weeks. (it’s still longer than you expected.)
“sae,” you loudly sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose, “you’re doing it wrong. again.” 
his grip around the broom tightens, his knuckles turning white, “i’m doing what you told me to do!”
“you’re not!” you groan, running a hand down your face, “gosh, how do you manage to do everything i tell you the wrong way?”
“what, so i’m the problem?” his eyes narrow, he takes a step closer to you, “have you ever thought that maybe you’re a bad teacher?”
an angry gasp leaves your lips, “excuse me?!”
“you heard me.” he grits his teeth, “you’re clearly the most lukewarm teacher ever. how do you expect me to learn when you don’t care about teaching me properly?”
“have you ever considered that maybe i don’t want to teach you because you forced me to?” you rub your temples in a poor attempt to prevent the coming headache.
he scoffs, brows knitting in annoyance, “you could at least put more effort into making sure i’m learning.”
“you think i’m not?” you point him square in the chest, glaring at him. “i’m doing my best here, okay? it’s not my fault you’re a shit student.”
“you–”
“you listen while your teacher is speaking.” you seethe, grabbing a fistful of his shirt, “i’m trying to do the best i can. i’m not qualified to teach you anything, especially not with how you don’t even pay attention to what i say!”
he frowns, “well, i–”
you shake him as hard as you can, angry tears pooling in your eyes, “you’re the most ungrateful, useless piece of fucking shit i’ve ever met in my life!”
sae grabs your wrists, letting the broom fall with a clang to the floor. he stares at you with wide eyes. you blink, heat creeping up your face in embarrassment.
there’s a beat of silence. sae’s eyes scan your face. “you good?” 
he lets out a soft sigh of relief when you nod. “are you going to punch me if i let go?”
he relaxes a little when you shake your head. he looks at you as he slowly lets go of your hands. you stare at him, wide eyed as he gently walks you over to the couch and sits you down.
sae plops down on the other end of the couch, glancing at you. he opens his mouth to speak, but promptly closes it. you stop yourself from laughing at his awkwardness. (it reminds you of how you must’ve acted when you talked to him a couple of weeks ago.)
you twist the hem of your shirt in your hands, looking away from sae, gnawing on your bottom lip. “’m sorry about that.”
“don’t apologize.” he coughs awkwardly, crossing his arms, “i probably stressed you out too much.”
“yeah, but, still,” you turn to face him, “i shouldn’t have said something so rude.”
“it’s fine. i really did deserve that, after all.” an amused laugh escapes his lips, “i’ve never heard you so mad before, though.”
you tilt your head to the side, “what do you mean?” 
“i mean,” a hint of amused smile tugs at the corners of his lips, “you tend to get really loud when you complain about your classes. i can hear you all the way to my room.”
your face heats up in embarrassment. you slump against the couch, hiding your face behind your hands. “sorry.”
“stop apologizing,” you slightly relax when you hear a sliver of empathy in his voice. “it’s better to let your emotions out instead of holding them in.”
you lower your hands from your face, staring at him. “do you do that?”
“it depends,” he hums, “feelings are lukewarm most of the time, so when i get angry or whatever i’ll let it out so i can get it over with.”
you narrow your eyes at him, scanning his face. “how does that even work?”
he shrugs nonchalantly, “if i get mad at someone i’ll say it to their face while i’m still mad so i can stop being angry.”
you mull over his words, “so instead of having pent up feelings and reaching your limit, you just act on your emotions as soon as possible so you go back to feeling nothing?”
“pretty much.”
a small hum leaves your lips. silence settles between the two of you before a loud growl echoes through the apartment. laughter bubbles in your chest, spilling out of your mouth when sae’s face flushes.
“shut up!” he hides behind his hands, “i haven’t eaten all day!”
you stand up, walking over and extending a hand out to sae, “wanna help out with dinner?”
he lowers his hands from his face, glancing between your eyes and your hand. he blinks, “i can’t cook.”
“i know,” a smile blooms on your lips, “you can consider it your first lesson.”
sae’s eyes light up, the corners of his lips tilting up ever so slightly. “you’re still gonna teach me?”
“i can’t let you stay useless forever.” you stick your tongue out at him, smiling when he grabs your hand.
a huff of laughter escapes his lips when you fail to tug him up. you flip him off before leaving him behind on the couch. a smile lingers on his face when he follows you to the kitchen. 
he’s not a good assistant. (and he’s an even worse cook). in fact, if you’d known that letting him into the kitchen would’ve resulted in having to evacuate the building due to the fire alarm, you wouldn’t have asked for his help at all.
however, you do appreciate that he invited you out for dinner later as an apology for stressing you out. 
(it makes you think he’s more considerate than he pretends to be.)
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you’ve lost track of the times you’ve had to apologize to your neighbors over sae activating the fire alarm. 
it’s embarrassing enough that seemingly everyone in the complex goes to your college, but sae seems to make it worse by glaring at anyone who so much as looks in your direction with a judgemental stare.
“i can’t keep going on like this,” you cover your face with your hands. you shrink into yourself when you feel multiple eyes staring at the back of your head.
“stop overreacting.” sae clicks his tongue. still, he discreetly grabs the hem of your shirt and gently pulls you closer to his side. 
you lower your hands from your face, frowning at him as tears of shame pool in your eyes. “everyone’s judging us!”
“just ignore them.” he awkwardly pats your head, “they’ll forget about it soon enough.”
“sae, this happens almost every week!” you cry, gnawing your lower lip, “some guy yelled at me last time because we interrupted his studying! do you have any idea how long i had to apologize for?”
his jaw clenches as anger flashes through his face for a split second before his uninterested expression returns. “what’d he look like?”
“i don’t know,” you blink, “he was tall. he also had brown-ish hair, i think?”
he shoves his hands in his pockets, tilting his head in the direction of the building, “do you know his apartment number?” 
“no,” you sigh. “why?”
the corners of his lips quirk up into a mischievous smile. “i was thinking of baking him some apology cookies.”
you cover your mouth in a feeble attempt to stifle your laughter. (if everyone was staring at you in judgment for triggering the fire alarm, now they’re judging you for laughing in this situation.)
sae tugs you into the building when you’re all cleared to enter, glaring at a few neighbors who shoot dirty looks at both of you.
you smack his arm, “stop doing that, you’re embarrassing us!”
he scoffs, flipping off anyone who’s still staring, “does it look like i care? they’re all too scared to say anything to my face, anyway.”
“yeah, but they always say shit to me when you’re gone,” you click your tongue, frowning. sae drags you up the stairs to your apartment.
both of you stand in front of your door when sae puts his hands on your shoulders, staring at you in the eyes. his eyes are a pretty shade of teal, you note.
“if anyone gives you shit when you’re alone, just remember what they look like, ‘kay?” he flicks your forehead, a malicious gleam in his eyes, “i’ll make sure to personally apologize for the trouble.”
a smile blooms on your lips, “you’re so mean.”
“shut up,” he rolls his eyes, pinching your cheek, “as your roommate, i’m the only one allowed to give you a hard time.”
“whatever you say, freak,” you rub your cheek, smile widening, swatting his hand away when he reaches out to pinch your other cheek. 
sae bites back a smile as he nods his head toward the door. “did you bring your key?”
you reach into your pockets, feeling around for the key. your head tilts down, eyes widening in panic when you don’t find anything. 
an embarrassed chuckle slips past your lips when you lift your head back up to look at sae. he pinches the bridge of his nose.
“gosh, you’re so useless.” 
you kick his shin, sticking your tongue out at him, “you don’t get to say that to me.”
he sticks his tongue out at you in return, crossing his arms. “whatever. just go and ask the landlord for a key.”
“me?” you raise your brows at him, haughtily tilting your head to the side, “you’re the reason we had to evacuate the building in the first place! i think it’s only fair that you get the key.”
sae opens his mouth to tell you off, but seemingly decides to sigh loudly in annoyed defeat instead, “fine.”
you smile triumphantly, turning to face him, your eyes closing as your chest puffs out in pride. sae rests his index finger on your forehead. your eyes flutter open in confusion at the contact, smile dropping into a curious pout. 
“tell me if anyone bothers you while i’m gone.” he flicks your forehead one last time before turning around and walking away. a content smile blooms on your lips as you stare at his back, sliding down to sit next to the door.
you don’t tell him the tall guy from last time dropped by to yell at you again. sae didn’t even have to ask to tell something was wrong with the way your smile seemed dimmer when you told him you’d take over making lunch.
he doesn’t tell you he’s going to give that asshole the ‘apology’ cookies he’d mentioned before. (and he definitely doesn’t mention that he got his apartment number from the landlord when he got the key to your apartment.) but you had an inkling of what he was going to do when you saw him take out some bowls and a whisk from the cabinets. (you didn’t stop him.)
you bake him some actual ‘thank you’ cookies and place them by his door before heading to your room for the night. the next morning you find a post-it with an ‘anytime’ messily scribbled on it and a ‘thanks for the cookies :)’ on the other side.
you smile fondly at the teal-colored square. you think it resembles the color of his eyes. (it makes you feel warm and fuzzy.)
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sae’s gotten slightly better at cooking. he’s able to make at least one meal without triggering the fire alarms.
you feel proud. you suppose that’s what teachers feel when their most lazy, unmotivated student finally manages to put effort into something. 
it makes you feel proud enough that you take a detour to the convenience store on your way home. a fond smile lights up your face when you walk out of the store, plastic bag in hand with a chocolate bar and a pack of star stickers.
there’s a skip to your step as you head home, swinging the bag back and forth. 
you’ve barely even opened the door to your apartment when it swings open. your eyes widen in surprise when they meet sae’s. 
his eyes narrow, “what took you so long?”
a slightly burnt scent wafts the apartment. your nose scrunches, “is something burning?”
“answer my question first,” he points the spatula in his hand at you. 
“i got you a reward,” you smile, lifting the bag in your hands. 
his eyes light up, “what’d you get me?”
you quickly hide the bag behind your back when he reaches out for it. “answer my question first.”
a small smile tugs at his lips. he rolls his eyes, “nothing is burning. i turned off the stove before opening the door just to be sure.”
you reach out to pat his head, a teasing smile on your lips, “good job, sae!”
he scoffs, a soft blush dusts his ears. “you make it sound like you’re praising a dog.”
you huff, “stop complaining when you’re getting praised.”
“whatever.” sae pouts, brows knitting, “when are you giving me my gift?”
“so impatient ,” you tsk, shaking your head, “let me in first, i don’t wanna stand in the hallway any longer.”
he grabs your arm and pulls you close to him, kicking the door closed. you bump into his chest, eyes widening as heat rushes to your ears.
the first thing that pops into your mind is that he smells nice. there’s a hint of a burnt scent that clings to him, but he still smells nice. (you note that he feels warm too. it makes you feel warm.)
you feel a slight pressure against your brows. it makes you blink as you slowly snap out of your stupor. 
“you good?” your eyes meet sae’s worried ones. he leans in closer to you, scanning your face. you awkwardly nod. 
his brows furrow. “are you sure? you zoned out for a bit. are your classes stressing you out too much?”
you shake your head, slightly leaning away from him. your lips press into a fine line. sae’s eyes narrow as he scans your face. he steps back, his hands resting on your shoulders. the spatula lightly digs into your skin.
“is it that guy again?” he tightens his grip, making you wince when the spatula presses harder against your skin, “is he still bothering you?”
“i think you scared him away,” you quickly swat his arms away. “i’m fine, though.”
“are you sure?” he sighs when you nod, “why’d you zone out then?”
“i got distracted,” you gnaw on your bottom lip. 
his expression morphs to confusion, “with what?”
your eyes widen slightly. you don’t want to tell him he’s the reason you zoned out. so, you settle for the only thing that comes to mind, “the smell of something burning. are you sure you turned off the stove?”
“yes.” he groans in annoyance. there’s a small pause. sae turns around, tugging you into the kitchen with him. 
“look!” he points at the stove, “it’s off. stop making me second-guess myself.”
an amused smile blooms on your face, “i can’t believe you had to come check if you actually turned it off.”
“i can’t believe you actually haven’t given me my gift yet,” he scoffs, pouting. 
you laugh, reaching out to flick his forehead. “patience is a virtue, sae. it’d do you well to have it.”
“whatever.” he tries to grab the bag from your hands. “just give it to me already.”
you smile, pulling out the chocolate bar from the bag. laughter bubbles in your chest when you see his stunned expression.
“chocolate?” he glares at the bar in your hand, “do you know how unhealthy that is for me?”
“if you don’t want it i’ll just keep it, then.” you nonchalantly shrug.
he snatches it out of your grasp. “i never said i didn’t want it.”
his eyes twinkle when he unwraps it. he glances up at you, “do you want a bite?”
“just a small one,” you reach out to grab the bar. 
sae moves the chocolate out of your reach, “open your mouth.”
you blink, tilting your head in confusion. he sighs, “i’ll feed it to you. i need to make sure you don’t bite off half of the bar.”
“do you trust me so little?” you scoff, crossing your arms. still, you open your mouth, heat rushing to your ears when sae tells you to take a bite. 
“is it good?” he stares at you, taking a bite of the chocolate when you nod. 
you both swallow at the same time, a smile lighting up your face. “i think you deserve another reward for sharing.”
his brows raise in intrigue, “another? gosh, you’re really spoiling me today, aren’t you?”
you take the pack of stickers out of the back, waving it in front of him. he gives you an unamused look. 
“i bought these for whenever you do something nice,” you place a sticker on his cheek.
“that’s stupid,” he frowns. 
“shut up, you look cute.” you pinch his other cheek.
he clicks his tongue, “whatever. now get out of my kitchen i need to continue making dinner.”
laughter spills out of your mouth when he pushes you into the living room. “do you want me to help?”
“no.” he huffs, “i can do it myself. now go relax or something, i’ll come get you when dinner’s ready.”
“are you sure you’ll be fine on your own?” you snicker, “i’d hate to have to evacuate the building.”
he lightly smacks your shoulder, “i can cook by myself!”
“sae–”
“just let me cook something for you this once,” he mutters. 
a soft, defeated sigh leaves your lips, “okay.”
“i’ll let you cook alone,” you smile, “just this once, though. i can’t leave you unsupervised for too long.”
he hums, patting your head before heading back to the kitchen. a small smile lingers on your lips as you make your way to the couch, turning on the tv.
it doesn’t take long for sae to walk over, two plates in his hands, and a self-satisfied smile on his lips.
you’d be lying if you said the meal was good. it was slightly charred, and a little too salty. you’re sure you would’ve managed to turn it into something decent if he’d let you help. 
still, as bad as the food was, you can’t help but eat it with a smile on your face, a warm, fuzzy feeling tugging at your heart. 
sae groans in annoyance when you place another sticker on his forehead. (your heart leaps when you notice the soft flush to his cheeks.)
he lets you help him wash the dishes, complaining when you flick soapy water in his direction. laughter fills the apartment when he flicks water back at you. time seemingly slowing down to let you savor the moment just a little longer before you head back to your room.
you drift off to sleep with a smile on your face. your heart drums against your chest when you recall the smile on sae’s face. 
(you wish he’d smile at you more often.)
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you’ve discovered sae is much better at cleaning than he is at cooking. you’ve also discovered that he’s more thoughtful than he lets on. 
he tends to clean the apartment while you’re in class. he claims it’s because he absolutely must practice cleaning in order to get better. (you don’t believe him.) he swears he ensures the apartment’s clean by the time you get home because he can’t stand your nagging. (you still don’t believe him.)
it’s why you’ve had to go out and buy more stickers to reward him with. it’s also why you’re a little surprised to see him still mopping the apartment when you get back.
you take your shoes off, quickly putting on your slippers. “you’re still cleaning?”
“i’m almost done,” he hums, “practice ended a little later today.”
you make your way to the couch, careful not to slip on the floor, “why? is there a match soon?”
“there’s one tomorrow,” he turns to look at you, frowning when he sees you pull out a pack of stickers with a teasing smile on your face. (he still makes his way over to you when you tell him to come closer despite knowing your intention.) he watches you place the sticker on his shirt, a concentrated look in your eyes.
he sticks his tongue out at you when you look up at him with a satisfied grin. sae rests his hand on top of your head. “wanna come watch?”
you tilt your head to the side, “i’m not a big football fan.”
he playfully shakes your head, brows knitting, “have you ever even been to a football match?”
“no,” you pry his hand off your head, “but i don’t really see the point of going when i know i’ll get bored.”
he rolls his eyes, “you won’t.”
“how do you know?” you lean closer to him, raising a brow, a playful grin on your lips.
he leans closer to you, nose playfully scrunching, “because i’m going to be playing.”
your face scrunches up in mock disgust, “you’re making me not want to go even more.”
he teasingly clutches his heart in faux pain, a smile on his lips as he tries to hold back his laughter, “you’re so mean. you’re hurting me right now.”
“are you trying to make me feel bad?” you bite back a smile, fondly rolling your eyes. “because it’s totally working.”
“your sarcasm wounds me,” he frowns, shaking his head. “i can’t believe my roommate won’t support me at my match.”
you punch his arm, “keep this up and you won’t be eating any dinner.”
“fuck,” a hearty laugh escapes his lips, “when’d you get so mean?”
“i learned from the best,” you stick your tongue out at him. a soft laugh leaves your lips when sae scoffs, looking away. 
“are you really not going to go see the match?” he turns to you, pouting. you hate when he uses that little pout to guilt you. (you hate that you fall for it even more.)
you sigh, slumping against the couch, “i’ll think about it.”
“just give me an actual answer, damn.” he taps your forehead, “are you going, yes or no?”
a teasing smile creeps up your lips, “maybe.”
you laugh when he calls out your name in annoyance. he groans, glaring at you, “i hate you.”
“no you don’t,” you smile at him, “if you did you wouldn’t have asked me to go see you play tomorrow.”
his face flushes in embarrassment. “you’re not even going anyway!”
you rest your head on your hand, “i am, though.”
he stares at you, unimpressed. there’s a beat of silence before he huffs, the corners of his lips quirking up, “i really can’t stand you sometimes.”
“it’s not my fault you’re fun to tease!” you laugh. he flips you off before turning around to continue mopping. you sigh, stretching your arms up. a couple of seconds go by before you get up to make your way to the kitchen.
“where are you going?” 
“the kitchen,” you hum, turning around to look at sae. your ears burn when your eyes meet his. you wish you knew what goes on in his head when he stares at you so intensely. you wish you knew if he even knows he’s staring at you so intently. a small, awkward cough leaves your lips, “i wanted to get started on dinner.”
“you’re not even going to wait for me?” you fiddle with the hem of your shirt at his teasing tone. 
sometimes you wonder if he knows how domestic your dynamic has become. if he’s aware that people have started associating him with you, and vice versa. if he’s aware of the effect his words have on you. (you really wish you could take a peek inside his mind.)
“you’d just get in my way,” you tsk, “besides i wanna finish quickly, my head hurts a little.”
he quickly walks over to you, dragging the mop behind him, “have you taken any medicine?”
“i’m fine,” you wave off the hand he placed on your forehead, “it’s probably because i’m hungry.”
“are you sure?” your heart pounds against your chest at his concern. 
you give him a reassuring smile, “i’m sure. if it still hurts before i go to bed i’ll take some medicine.”
“fine.” he huffs, lips pursing, “but if you still feel bad tomorrow, promise you’ll let me know.”
you feel your heart squeeze. you gnaw on your bottom lip, twisting the hem of your shirt with your hands. 
“i promise.” your voice is barely above a whisper, it’s just loud enough for him to hear.
he smiles, patting your head, “don’t push yourself too hard, ok?”
sae turns around. you stare at his back, his name tumbling out of your lips before you can stop yourself. he turns around with a curious hum.
you feel like your heart rests on your throat. he patiently waits for you to continue. heat rushes to your ears and you wipe your hands against your shirt. “i also promise i’ll go see your match.”
the smile that lights up his face makes you wish it was tomorrow already. you want to go. (because you like seeing him smile.) you want to go see his match. (because it’ll make him happy.)
you want to see him do his favorite thing in the world. you want to share that happiness with him, despite not caring much for the sport. (because you think it’ll make him happy to see you there, even if he doesn’t say it. you want to be the reason he feels genuine happiness.)
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you’re not there.
it’s the first thing sae notices when he looks at the stands. it’s what he keeps noticing whenever he turns to look at the stands throughout the match. when they reach halftime and you’re still not there, so he texts you. the second half starts and you’re still not there. 
the game ends and you never showed up. his brows knit when he checks his phone only to find out you never even read his messages. concern carves itself into him. 
he makes his way back to the apartment as quickly as he can, secretly hoping that nothing bad happened to you.
his heart beats faster, anxiety seeping into him when he opens the door and he doesn’t see your figure on the couch. 
sae hastily kicks his shoes off, dropping his duffel bag somewhere on the floor. he lets out a deep breath when he stands in front of your door, quickly knocking.
a couple of seconds go by before he knocks again, frowning when there’s no reply. he quietly opens the door, mentally apologizing. his eyes quickly scan the room for you. there’s a lump in his throat when he sees something stir under your bed sheets. 
he quietly walks over to your bed, slowly lowering your comforter. his chest tightens, brows knitting with worry when he sees your face twisted in pain, a slight sheen of sweat on your forehead. he grabs a tissue from your nightstand, gingerly wiping the sweat away. 
he sharply inhales when you stir under his touch. sae stares at you as you slowly open your eyes. his eyes fill with concern when he notices how heavy, and unfocused yours look.
he presses the back of his hand against your forehead, brows furrowing even more, “gosh, you’re burning up.”
“sae?” he can barely hear your voice. “why’re you here?” 
he clicks his tongue, wiping more sweat off your forehead.
“what about the match?” you blearily look at him, voice laced with soft concern. you try to keep your eyes open when he heads out, grogginess catching up to you when he returns with a bowl in his hands, a hand towel over his shoulder. 
he dampens the towel, wringing out the excess onto the bowl. sae gently presses it against your forehead, “have you had a fever all day long?”
“did i miss it?” his heart aches at how choked up your voice sounds. 
“i thought i told you to tell me if you weren’t feeling alright, dumbass,” he nags, carefully lifting your head up to prop another pillow under it. 
“‘m sorry.” your eyes fill with tears, a pout tugging at your lips. he gently adjusts the towel against your skin. 
“don’t apologize,” he softly tsks, “worry about getting better, not about missing the game, idiot.”
he panics when a tear rolls down your cheek, hastily brushing it away. his heart squeezes in pain when more tears freely roll down your cheeks. 
“i didn’t,” you sniffle, “didn’t wanna miss the game.”
he shushes you, grabbing another tissue to wipe your tears away. “it’s fine.”
“‘s not,” your breath quickens, brows knitting in sadness, “i promised.”
he firmly calls out your name, “it’s not your fault.”
“i promised,” you hiccup. sae frowns, reaching out to remove the towel from your forehead, pouting when he notices you’re still burning up. he quickly dampens it again before resting it against your skin once more.
“i’ll go get you some medicine,” he whispers, turning around to exit your room.
sae stops in his tracks when he feels something weakly tug at his fingers. he turns to look at you, sucking in a shaky breath when he sees you holding on to him.
“don’t leave.” you weakly try to pull him closer. 
there’s a slight flicker of hope in him that tells him you’re aware of what you’re doing despite your raging fever. but he quickly extinguishes it by reminding himself that you probably think you’re dreaming. (because there’s no way you’d tell him to stay with you otherwise, he’s sure of it.)
“i have to get you some medicine,” he mutters. still, he makes no attempt to free his hand from yours.
“stay.” he wants to. he wants to stay with you more than anything. but he needs to get you something to relieve your fever.
he sits on your bed, readjusting your grip on his hand, “i need to go get your medicine.” 
he gingerly readjusts the towel on your forehead, slightly smiling at you. his heart pangs with worry when he notices how clammy your hands are. 
sae’s eyes widen when you lift yourself up, wrapping your arms around his neck. the towel on your forehead drops into his lap. he feels you rest your head on his shoulders, frowning at the heat emanating from you. (still, he wraps his arms around you so you don’t fall.)
his worried eyes meet your hazy ones when you slowly lift your head to look at him, a sleepy smile on your lips. 
“so stubborn,” your hands cup his cheeks. 
sae freezes when he feels your lips press against his. his heart beats faster, blush spreading through his face like wildfire. 
a sharp inhale leaves his lips when he feels your hands drop from his cheeks, your body tilting back. he cups the back of your head before it hits the pillow.
his eyes scan your face. he lowers his head when he feels your feeble grip on his jacket. his eyes flicker to yours when you weakly tug him closer in an attempt to press his lips against yours again. 
he slowly lifts your head up, a soft huff of laughter slipping past his lips when a glimmer of anticipation flashes through your eyes. he presses his lips against yours in a short peck, a startled noise leaving his mouth when you pull him back in. 
his face heats up more and more every time you chase after his lips when he pulls away for air. he pants when you pull away, trying to catch your breath. he rests his forehead against yours, his breath fanning against your lips. 
you softly call out his name. butterflies erupt in his stomach. he really hopes you know you’re not dreaming. 
his arm tightens against you, the hand resting on the back of your head gently tilting it to the side. he doesn’t think twice before pressing his lips against yours again, a content sigh escaping him when you melt under his touch. 
he presses his lips against yours over and over again, gently lowering you back onto the bed. your kisses feel like they’re the very air he breathes. like he’ll suffocate if he’s apart from you for more than a second.
sae kisses you silly until he feels your grip against his jacket soften. he pulls away, panting, face ablaze, eyes looking at your sleeping face with a softness that is so unlike him.
he carefully removes your hands from him, lifting your comforter to tuck you into bed. a smile lingers on his lips as he places the towel on your forehead again. 
he quietly makes his way out of your room, pressing the pads of his fingers against his lips. his heart feels like it wants to jump out of his chest. a deep sigh leaves his lips. he makes his way to the front door, quickly putting on his shoes to go buy your medicine.
sae really hopes you get better soon. (he wants to kiss you again, and he wants to be sure you’ll remember it properly.)
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if you thought sae was a bad student, he’s an even worse patient. he is the most uncooperative sick person you’ve ever met in your life. 
you suppose it’s only fair to put up with him since he took care of you while you were sick. (even if it makes you want to knock him unconscious.)
still, it never fails to make your blood boil when you find him wobbling around the living room with a broom in his hands.
“would it kill you to stay in bed?” you stomp over to him, prying the broom off his hands before propping it against the wall.
he blearily looks at you, pouting. he sniffles, “yes.”
you frown, grabbing his hand and dragging him to his room. he glares at you when you force him to lay down on his bed. 
“stay here while i get your medicine,” you point at him, glaring back. “or i’ll suffocate you with a pillow until you fall asleep.”
“you can’t be rude to me while i’m sick!” he angrily crosses his arms, scoffing.
it’s still surprising that he’s still in bed when you get back. it’s even more surprising that he’s staring at the door, his face lighting up when you enter.��
his nose scrunches up in disgust when he sees the cough syrup in your hands. he burrows himself in his comforter, turning his head away from you. 
“sae.” you gently call out, sitting next to him. a small smile blooms on your lips when he slowly turns to look at you. “you know you have to take your medicine to get better, right?”
“if i take my medicine,” he sneezes, “will you give me a reward?”
“yeah, sure, i’ll give you a sticker.” you absentmindedly hum, uncapping the syrup. 
“no,” he shakes his head,  “i want another reward.” 
your brows raise in confusion, your turn your attention to him. “what kind of reward?”
he smiles, lifting a hand to tap his lips and then tapping yours. your face heats up, jaw dropping. you gently swat his hand away, pouting. “you shouldn’t tease like that.”
“‘m not,” he sticks his tongue out at you, “i want another kiss.”
“another?” you blink in surprise. your eyes widen slightly when a cheeky smile creeps up his lips. 
“you kissed me when you were sick,” he snickers, nose scrunching up when you force the syrup into his mouth. 
“no i didn’t,” you frown. he forces himself to swallow the cough syrup, a choked gasp leaving his lips.
“you don’t remember?” he whines, sniffling when you shake your head. 
you feel a pang in your heart when sae looks at you, eyes swimming with sadness. “‘m sorry, sae.”
“‘s fine,” he playfully smiles, “i’ll just have to make up for it later.”
heat spreads through your face. a pout tugs at your lips, “don’t say stuff like that. i might take you seriously.”
“i’m being serious,” he sniffles, “wanna kiss you again.”
you shyly stare at him, shrinking into yourself. you suppose being sick must’ve made him bolder. or maybe he just wants to get back at you. but you have to admit it gives you the perfect excuse to make him stop being so difficult.
“i’ll kiss you if you stop complaining about taking your medicine,” you quietly huff, fingers playing with your shirt. 
your ears feel like they’re on fire when his face lights up. “but only when you get better! i don’t wanna get sick again.”
he nods, a satisfied grin blooming on his lips. “sounds good to me.”
there’s a beat of silence before you stand up. sae’s eyes widen, “where are you going?”
“i’m gonna go make you some soup,” you hum, “you should sleep while i’m gone.”
sae pouts, “‘m not tired.”
“that’s too bad, then,” you stick your tongue out at him. he clicks his tongue. 
“i’ll be back soon,” you pat his head. he huffs, pouting.
you barely take a step forward, yelping when you feel something yank you back. your brows knit in annoyance when you feel sae wrapping his arms around you. 
“sae.”
“‘m only going to sleep if you stay with me.” he mutters.
an amused smile tugs at your lips. you’re starting to think he’s cute when he’s sick. a little clingy, but cute. (you also think you might indulge him just this once.)
“fine,” you sigh. “but i’m leaving as soon as you fall asleep.”
you don’t. 
you’re not sure exactly when you fell asleep, but you’re sure it wasn’t dark outside when sae pulled you towards him. part of you wants to stay with him, just to let him sleep longer. but you also know you need to make him some soup. 
so, you gently try to pry yourself off of him. a soft groan leaves your lips when his arms tighten around you. 
his name tumbles out of your mouth. “i have to go make your soup.”
“‘m coming with you.” his voice sounds hoarse. (his nose sounds stuffy, too.)
“sae,” you try to pry his arms off, “you need to rest.”
“‘m going with you.” he huffs, “there’s nothing you can say to make me not join you.”
you begrudgingly decide to indulge him again. which is why he’s slumped over your shoulder as you make your way to the kitchen. it’s why he’s holding onto your waist, burrowing his face in your neck as you move around the kitchen. 
(it’s why your face feels like it’s on fire when he nuzzles closer to you, smiling.)
and you think that maybe him being a little too clingy isn’t that bad.
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when a girl in your class asks you what sae is to you, you’re not sure what to say. 
you could say he’s your roommate, like you used to. but you don’t think he’d make himself extremely comfortable in your personal space if he was just your roommate. you could also say he’s your friend (much to everyone’s surprise.) but you’re not sure if he’d be so obsessed with kissing you whenever you’re both home if he was just your friend. 
(still, he’s not exactly your boyfriend, either. you’re not sure what he is. neither of you have brought it up before.)
either way, she wouldn’t be satisfied with the answer you give her. at least, that’s what you think with the way she glowers at you.
so, you just say he’s nothing. (which is a lie. but she doesn’t need to know that.) 
the result is what you expected, some angry huffing and empty warnings to stay away from sae. (not that it’d work seeing how you live with him.) except, things take a turn for the worse when your phone screen lights up, displaying sae’s name on it while it rings on the table. 
a pained expression flashes through your face when she clears her throat. you tilt your head up to look at her, an awkward, tense smile on your lips.
“i thought you said he was nothing to you?” she scoffs. 
“he is.” you internally curse how fast you replied. you hope she didn’t notice. 
she rolls her eyes, “then why do you have his contact saved with a star on your phone?”
you blink, your lips pressing into a fine line. “because he’s a star?” 
she doesn’t look convinced. (neither are you.) a loud, annoyed groan leaves her lips as she looks you up and down, crossing her arms.
“listen here, idiot,” she glares at you. anger flashes in her eyes when your phone rings again. “i don’t know who you think you are–” 
(you don’t know who she thinks she is, but with the way she seems to be unaware that you literally live with sae, you assume she must be some clueless freshman who happened to go to one of the football matches, saw sae, and became one of his many fans.)
“–but if you even consider the idea that sae might be into you–”
(you don’t even have to consider the idea, it pretty much solidified itself as a fact given with the way he kisses you until both of you are struggling to catch your breath whenever you two are alone.)
“–then you’ve got another thing coming,” she grabs your wrist, digging her nails into your skin. “i don’t know how someone like you got his number, but he doesn’t need freaks like you bothering him.”
she looks at you with contempt, “so stay away from him, or else–”
“or else what?” 
you both turn your heads to the door. her grip on your wrist loosens. you bite back a laugh when she removes her hand, shyly tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. 
“sae,” she takes a step closer to him. you hide your smile behind your hand when you see his clearly annoyed and disgusted expression. (you note he looks disheveled. you also notice his duffel bag slung over his shoulders.)
“or else what?” you snort at the clear anger in his voice. he glares at her, crossing his arms. she shrinks into herself, clearly nervous. 
“i was just trying to keep this freak away from you,” she plays with her hair. you feel embarrassed for her when she continues, “you shouldn’t have to deal with–”
“who the fuck even are you anyway?” he cuts her off, scowling. 
her eyes light up, “i’m–”
“leaving? i sure fucking hope so.” he scoffs, walking over to you. his face softens when he looks at you. 
sae extends his hand out to you, a hint of a smile tugging at his lips when you slip your hand into his. he reaches out for your backpack, quickly shrugging it on his shoulder before you can protest. 
“i thought you were one of the first people out of class,” he hums, lacing his fingers with yours.
your eyes flicker to the girl, who is still standing next to the table, face flushed in embarrassment. “i got held up.”
sae glances in her direction, scoffing in annoyance. “you’re still here?”
you can’t help but feel a little bad for her when her eyes well up with tears of embarrassment, her hands bunching up her skirt. “i thought–”
“you thought wrong,” he clicks his tongue, “now get lost.”
her eyes snap to yours, anger replacing the embarrassment, “i thought you said he was nothing to you!”
sae gasps, looking at you, hurt written all over his face. you look away, biting the inside of your cheek. he calls out your name, “why’d you say that?”
“i didn’t know what else to say,” you mumble. 
“say i’m your boyfriend!,” he huffs. “or do you not want to say that?”
heat floods your face. you hide your face in sae’s back when you hear choked sobs. you tug at his jacket, “can we just go home already?”
you take a peek at the girl from behind sae’s shoulder. “i don’t want to talk about this here.”
“fine,” he mutters, “but this conversation is not over.”
he drags you out of the classroom. you don’t look back, but you gnaw your bottom lip when you hear muffled sobs coming from behind you. 
you both walk in silence for a bit. a small smile blooms on your lips when sae slows down his pace to match yours. 
“i’m surprised you didn’t tell her off.” he hums. 
“you got there before i could,” you fondly shake your head, “i would’ve loved giving her a piece of my mind.”
a soft laugh leaves his lips, “i’m sure you’ll find another occasion to do so.”
the walk home feels quicker than usual. you suppose it’s because sae’s actually with you instead of over the phone.
you’re barely past the door to your apartment when sae wraps his arms around you, pulling you close. he relaxes when you wrap your arms around him. 
“if someone asks you what i am to you,” he nuzzles his face into your neck, “just tell them i’m your boyfriend.”
“are you sure?” your hands clench around his jacket. 
he pulls back slightly to look at you, confusion written all over his face. “yeah? am i not your boyfriend already?”
“i don’t know?” your brows knit in confusion. 
“i thought it was clear?” he blinks. “it wasn’t clear to you?”
“i don’t think i would’ve been threatened by one of your fangirls if it was clear,” you deadpan. 
“oh.” he presses his lips into a fine line. “well, now you know.”
your jaw drops, “you’re not even going to ask if i want you to be my boyfriend?”
“i think it’s safe to say we’re well past asking,” he stares at you. 
“still,” you pout, “it’d be nice if you did.”
“what, are you going to give me a sticker if i do?” he scoffs. 
“i was gonna give you a kiss, but if you don’t wanna ask, then–”
“would you let me be your boyfriend?”
laughter spills out of your lips, “you didn’t even let me finish!” 
“just answer my question.” he smiles. “and hurry it up too, i have to clean.”
you playfully shake your head, “so demanding. but, i suppose you can be my boyfriend.”
sae’s lips are on yours as soon as the words leave your mouth. you gasp in surprise when he nips at your lower lip. 
you’re not sure how long he kisses you for, but you feel dizzy when you pull away. you angle your head away from his when he chases after your lips again. 
“i thought,” you pant, “thought you said you had to clean.” 
“it can wait.” he breathes out. 
“i have to cook.” 
he angles your head back to face him, “it can wait.”
“but–”
he calls out your name with a smile, “it can all wait. just let me kiss you again.”
“okay.” you smile when he tilts your head towards his. 
you think you’re starting to understand sae’s obsession with kissing you.
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when you think of itoshi sae, the first thing that comes to mind is: boyfriend. you’re not sure if you’re ever going to get used to calling him that. you’ve told him it still sounds weird, he simply says it sounds perfect. 
you’re also not sure you’ll ever get used to the many pairs of eyes staring holes into the back of your head. (you blame sae for insisting you wear his spare jersey to his games.)
still, you suppose you could put up with all the staring if it means you get to see sae play.
(even if it means you have to endure his showing off for the next hour.)
“did you see how great i was out there?” he puffs out his chest. 
“you were the best!” you smile when he laces his fingers with yours. “i think you deserve a reward.”
you bite back a laugh when his head turns to look at you, eyes twinkling with anticipation. “close your eyes.”
you can practically feel the excitement rolling off of him as he closes his eyes. you let go of his hand, snickering when his brows furrow. you quickly reach into your bag, pulling out the sticker sheet you stashed in there. 
a laugh leaves your lips when you gingerly place a star sticker on sae’s cheek. “you can open your eyes now.”
you heartily laugh when sae touches his cheek, glaring at you when he feels the outline of a star. he huffs, “you’re the worst.”
“shut up, you love them.” you flick his forehead. 
he tsks, poking your nose. “when you said i deserved a reward, i thought you meant a kiss.”
“i can kiss you if you want.” you cheekily smile at him. he huffs, crossing his arms.
he turns his head away from you, “you ruined the moment with those stupid, lukewarm stickers.”
“you say that as if you don’t stick them against your mirror.” you stick your tongue out at him, the corners of your lips lifting into a smile when his cheeks flush. 
“i hate you,” he frowns, looking at you.
“no you don’t,” you peck his cheek.
“whatever,” he grumbles, “let’s just go home already.”
you laugh when he grabs your hand, tugging you in the direction of your apartment. (you don’t mention the smile on his lips.)
“i’m going to cook today,” he laughs when you groan in disgust. “i’ve gotten better!”
“yeah, right.” you quip. “i think it’d be better if you clean while i cook.”
“what if we cook together?” he hums.
“you’ll just get in my way.” you smile, laughing when he shakes your arm. 
“what if we go out to eat?” he shrugs nonchalantly. (you still notice the flush on his ears.)
“itoshi sae!” you gasp dramatically, “are you asking me out on a date?”
he scoffs, cheeks turning bright red. “don’t make a big deal out of it.”
“i’d be honored to go out with the itoshi sae,” your voice drips with mischief. a soft gasp leaves your lips when he tugs you to him, wrapping his arms around you.
“i think it’s me who’s honored to go out with you,” he mumbles. you hug him back, nuzzling into him. 
“we still need to head home, though,” he pulls away, “i want to take a shower.”
“want me to join you?” you laugh when you see his scandalized expression.
“you’re so shameless!” he bites back a laugh, hiding his face behind his hands.
“oh, please, like we haven’t showered together before.” you playfully scrunch your nose. 
he clicks his tongue, “as tempting as it sounds, i really would like to go eat early today.”
you fondly roll your eyes, tugging him towards your apartment. “fine.”
“but i’m not opposed to taking a shower with you when we get back.” he bites back a smile when you smack his shoulder.
the walk home is filled with laughter, teasing smiles on both of your faces. and, for once, you’re glad to have an opinion of sae.
(especially because it’s based on the version of your sae, and not the one everyone else thinks he is.)
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sunflowerkiwis · 1 year
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heyy wife i was wondering if you could do a smau of charles leclerc x southern reader. like gorgeous, blonde, uf or fsu student, sports broadcasting major, sorority girl, but she has like a claire monroe or sadie crowell type of vibe. she's a freshman and she takes him to a game, frat parties, and waffle house (waffle house is very important). they get a lot of hate, because the pairing is so unexpected and the age gap. but then he like posts her to lyrics from southern girls by tim mcgraw
Southern Girl
charles leclerc x reader requested - i hope this is what you wanted love feedback is appreaciated + requests are open! enjoy xx
yourusername
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yourusername it's game day, say it with me
tagged: charles_leclerc, fsufootball, yourfriend1, yourfriend2, yourfriend3
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yourfriend2 looking gorgeous😍
charles_leclerc ❤💛
user01 charles, honey... user03 what?? user01 don't you think their relationship's kinda weid?? i mean she IS nineteen user05 hey, university of stfu called, they're asking for you. i think it's none of our business
logansargeant go semicircles, or whatever
yourusername seminoles😐
yourfriend1 you did awesome!!
yourusername thanks babeee
user07 she's so pretty 😭
user09 if i were charles, i too would not gaf about the world and date her
charles_leclerc
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charles_leclerc the beaches are nice, but you're better❤⛱
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yourusername i love you charlie <3
charles_leclerc je t'aime ma cheri user11 they way you can tell they're genuinely happy, i don't understand why they get so much hate just living their lives :')
logansargeant yeah, yeah, you're in love, we get it🙄
yourusername you're just bitter bc nobody wants u logansargeant i most absolutely am not yourusername someone's jealousss logansargeant of you? never. user21 IN MY BOOK YN AND LOGAN ARE BEST FRIENDS AND YOU CANT CHANGE MY MIND FIGHT ME
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yourusername
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yourusername and now we party
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pierregasly oh god, please bring him back alive
landonorris or just... y'know, don't bring him back at all yourusername pierre, your boyfriend will be fine pierregasly just making sure
yourfriend3 he picked her up and we never saw her again... legend has it they're still taking pictures in the kitchen
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yourusername 💀💀
user27 something about this still doesn't sit right with me...
user39 right? it was just so sudden and unusual. still love them tho user19 she's so young though user71 omg look at that, nobody asked
charles_leclerc that pizza looks amazing
user13 sure charles... the pizza...
logansargeant wowww hanging out without me. i see how it is.
user25 top ten betrayals in f1 history logansargeant right???
logansargeant added to their story!
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caption: get a room🤢
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yourusername you're unbearable <3 logansargeant you two are disgusting <3 yourusername deal with it <3
yourusername added to their story!
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caption: many many hours later...
yourusername
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yourusername baby's sixty-first waffle house trip 🤧🥹
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yourusername yes, logan, we got you some
logansargeant oh you're gonna make me cry logansargeant best best friend i could ask for
charles_leclerc and it was just like all the other sixty times
yourusername amazing? charles_leclerc sure logansargeant "sure"???? dump him. yourusername charles? 🤨 charles_leclerc it was great love logansargeant hm, he's ok ig🙄
yourfriend1 some things will never change 😂
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logansargeant
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logansargeant she brought me waffles!
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yourusername sir, who gave you permission to post that
pierregasly looking great, yn
yourusername shut up, gasoline
user17 if your best friend doesn't get you food even though she was out with her boyfriend buying food for themselves and you're piggybacking off their relationship bc they're your parents, is she even your best friend?
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logansargeant a true friend yourusername always
yourusername
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yourusername my pretty boy ❤
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user61 they're so cute😭
charles_leclerc mon amour❤
yourusername ❤❤
user01 she's too young for him
user87 right? it's so weird user93 literally go away. it's their relationship not yours. stfu.
logansargeant ew
logansargeant no
logansargeant delete this immeadiately
logansargeant i have to go bleach my eyes
yourusername omg you're such a drama queen user77 i'm sorry but thE WAY HE LOOKS AT HER???? user55 my mans is whipped
yourusername added to their story!
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caption: just a reminder that if you don't like something, you're still 100% able and welcome to click away or not even click in the first place. stay safe ya'll🫶
charles_leclerc
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charles_leclerc kisses sweeter than tupelo honey... southern girl rock my world, hazel eyes and golden curls. ❤.
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howlsofbloodhounds · 24 days
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oooh soul mechanics. i love me some good soul mechanics!
if you subscribe to the idea that monster souls are effectively their whole being, that's gonna open up a whole can of worms with how chara and nightmare treated killer. an interesting fact in undertale the game is that, monsters turn to dust the moment they die and, with the exception of boss monsters, their souls break immediately. as opposed to human souls which can persist after death. i kinda take that to mean that 1) monster bodies are literally magic, and 2) their souls are them. their bodies are more like vessels of protection to protect themselves, which are their souls. human souls can be detached from their bodies, but monster souls can't, because monsters are so deeply linked with their souls, "the culmination of their being".
which brings a very interesting question: killer is not a monster or human, so what happens if his soul is detached from his body? can it be detached from his body? personally i headcanon his soul has properties of both monster and human, not all but some aspects. i think it would be interesting if his body just drops like a computer being disconnected from the internet. his body doesn't dust, because it's a mix of magic and determination, which allows persistence after death.
~ crowshipping anon
Hey crow I love it when you spill your brains all over my inbox /lh
I think that idea could be interesting. Especially if you go with that common fanfic idea (ig idk if it’s canon) of like monsters being able to project their intentions to other monsters, but what happens if an intent is projected via holding the actual soul. it is more like a command that killers body cant resist or fight against.
like. if someone takes it from his body, maybe he’d freeze up, and if there’s no other intentions or if the intention is for him to freeze up or even sleep his body just does it?? or maybe it triggers a literal flop response. he just becomes weak and limp and easily able to be moved wherever whenever without much fuss or fight. in nightmares case, with his overwhelming negativity, maybe it paralyzes killers body with intense pain.
i like to think his body responds strangely if it’s detached by someone who isn’t him. if he willingly gives it away, for whatever reasons, then perhaps that signals some form of trust to his soul; which could only be intensified via “held in a trusted loved one’s ribcage” idea, if it provides a noticeable warmth and the other person’s intentions—in this case, color’s—are more able to be easily felt.
id imagine if they ever do the ribcage trick, itd likely be during short periods or moments where both or one of them just need the reassurance and sense of safety and comfort. I wonder if killer could or would be willing to hold color’s soul in his ribcage too, if he would trust himself with something like that—given Stage 2’s previous interest in Color’s soul/s.
It’d signify a great deal of respect, trust and loyalty on Color’s end; perhaps forgiveness for the rocky start they had in their relationship.
soul mechanics are so cool we should all talk about them more
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generalpalacefishgoop · 9 months
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You know the posts recently about bbh neg on twter, the timing of it with that going on, makes me want to hurl, they don't give a shit about "victims" or the real issues. They just want to dunk on the next cc they hate using the current "momentum".
You know what, I say let them go ahead and try to "cancel" Bad, really, go ahead. They're just regurgitating shit DSMP fans has said over the years again and again about Bad. Its fcking funny actually. Oh not forgetting they had to invent new ones or ones THAT THEIR FAVES HAVE DONE TOO BTW, to "cancel" Bad. To think I was looking forward to QSMP fans being "healthier" or "better" than DSMP ones, oh boy am I sorely disappointed.
Let them run their mouths about Bad. Cuz I'm 100% sure the CCs , QSMP admins, and Quackity give 0 shit about them. Etoiles knows and has already expressed how he knows that Bad is overly hated by the fandom and how he receives neg on the daily. Despite knowing that, he's still cordial with Bad. And he even expressed how he tries to not be "angry" or "frustrated" at Bad or else the parasocial fucks will come running to "defend" him from "evil" BBH when he has said a million times over that its not a fcking big deal, and hes just expressing himself NOT IN A NEG WAY. but noooo parasocial fucks be like "oh no my skunkrly wrunkly his feelings got hurt oh no" same shit with foolish fans. Fcking blind af. Esp the new ones who hasnt experienced the prank wars in dsmp. Fcking joyless fucks who cant handle a fcking block game that theyre not even playing. But thankfully, Etoiles stopped being so concerned, and well, yk with Foolish lmao same old same old.
(Disclaimer: SOME FANS NOT ALL, IM TALKING ABOUT THE TOXIC PARASOCIAL FUCKS, YES EVEN THE BIG ACCOUNTS ON TWITTER WITH THOUSANDS OF FOLLOWERS. You know who. Big numbers doesn't mean they're more RIGHT. A parasocial fuck is a parasocial fuck. Also, when I say parasocial, I mean the ones who are toxic and project themselves onto the CC. Being parasocial is fine, if it's the healthy kind, if you know what I mean)
I digress, there's no fcking unfollows or subtweets from CCs to Bad, unlike with D or F. In fact, some CCs and CLOSE FRIENDS of Bad's have always praised Bad and defended him TO THIS DAY. If that is not enough of an indication of how unproblematic he is, Idk what else to say. Just fuck off and live a life in constant misery and hatred ig. That's why don't respond to fucks like that. Just mute em. They can yap all they want but it means SHIT ALL if you don't see it. BBH's community is WAY WAY smaller than the whole fandom (and theres wayyy more toxic fucks) so bbhs community saying shit back to the toxic shits will also mean SHIT ALL. They CLEARLY don't watch Bad anyways so what's the point. Better way to deal with this shit is fight the misinformation, that's all. Spread more positivity and give ppl FULL context and CORRECT information. If you see some shit against Bad, report it and send it to whatever ban list qsmp uses. Send it to mods or something. Ik that Bagi's discord has something like that.
Oh but ppl be like /rp or /lh or "it's just my opinion", who gives a shit. Still report them. We're not dumb. The mods or whoever admins are not dumb. That negative toxic fuck smell on it, is fcking obvious enough.
STOP GIVING THEM ENGAGEMENTS. We can happily stay in each others bubbles without ever talking to each other, AND THAT IS FINE. Don't let the negative fucks in. Mute and report them, and I guarantee you, that fcking stranger on the Internet, you'll forget within DAYS. those fuckers won't even exist to you, vice versa.
THEIR WORDS HOLD NO POWER OVER YOU OR THE QSMP COMMUNITY. KEEP THE QSMP COMMUNITY HEALTY AND SAFE. Fuck them toxic shits.
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fictionfixations · 4 months
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i had a thought
spoilers for up to book 6 (i thought dump. A LOT.)
remember the prologue
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i have a thought so im sharing it
question: what does he think we can even do to stop. well. anyone??? nobody really listened to us (considering we're magicless too a bunch of ppl would look down on us) until we became like friends to them n stuff?? well ace and deuce listened to us i think but we were united under a goal that at all costs had to be reached. to not get expelled. (except us i forgot what was going to happen to us. ..cause we're not actually students ??. ACTUALLY where the fuck are our papers? did crowley just. make them up? cause if you need papers to expel someone then you need some written form of proof then. which means each student probably has files for them, like. say. proof of 'hey this person goes to this school' etc etc. what did he do with us? did he just not admit we existed to the government? but literally everyone in the school knows we exist so surely one of them blabbed like. idk. maybe some stereotypical rich brat whose like 'EWW THERES sOME' uh 'MAGIcLESs PERSON COMMON fOLK wHAtever the fuck IN THIS prestigious SCHOOL!' and like idfk like how ig maybe some of the rich think the poor will give them a disease just by breathing the same air as them [actually maybe they could though but like YKNOW what i mean] but like. if we're just completely undocumented, excluding the unexplainable shift of some funds for ramshackle i IMAGINE so we can pay for shit and live then are we not really. documented anywhere else? styx probably has something but uhh. also theres probably a bunch of law violations attached that i cant even be bothered to touch at the moment. also there are magic diseases right? but so they also have immunities to stuff. but we're from a completely different world so we've never had contact with their sicknesses. so like. ...yknow how theres a ban around like this one island i cant remember the name of because if you interact with them you'll spread stuff to them theyve never been in contact before with that you might not even realize u have cause ur immune and they'll die? like its illegal to go there at all, they're living entirely without technology. also they're hostile. you will die if you go there [if you dont get caught by the people patrolling to make sure they stay without contact]. ..i mean stuff has happened outside of canon we can see. its canonical that the overblot peeps have gone to counseling and medical mages. so maybe im making a big deal out of nothing)
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im. sorry. i got really distracted i didnt intend to spiral down to papers i meant to talk about something else
so just. listen.
actually about the expelling ^ three as in Grim, Ace, and Deuce. oh (so wait if they got in trouble would we just. ..still be able to stay?? ?? he doesnt even address us?? well actually grim isnt a student yet but theres FOUR of us not three then so ????)
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wait sorry how did we get here ?? (why are we involved? i dont think crowley spoke to us at all when he was angry at the others with the chandelier 😭)
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the wiki might be outdated a little because it doesnt update itself when dialogue changes, people have to notice it and then take the time to add it if anything changed so this is from
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so if anything changed since then well huh
(if he blamed us for not being able to stop two teenagers with magic while im magicless though i wouldve been throwing hands but im glad crowley hasnt gone that far. ..he still put a firebreathing cat into our custody though. ramshackle dorm is very flammable isnt it? is dust flammable? idk. a lot of wood also i dont think they know what fire extinguishers are. youd think someone would deal with the flames during the entrance ceremony besides riddle and azul trying to catch the flame setter. or if we have one its very unmentioned.)
but so considering grim is our responsibility.. i have to ask how we're meant to stop him..?
like so this is before we really bond with him (aka we find him annoying. unless u got attached to him right away which good for you, i dont know when he wormed his way into my heart but he did at one point and i realized it at the end of i think book 5 aka ignihyde teaser) so grim wouldnt really listen to us (looks down on us)
also i dont know about you but burns HURT. ive burned myself a few times but they're not like the really bad ones (i dont know the difference between degrees and i feel like googling it will haunt me in my nightmares). i imagine grim cant shoot fire too far? maybe a little more shorter/mid range? what even is mid range idk (and the reason it lasted to hit the statue was because of ace's wind magic imo)
well either he can control the range or he can only shoot it out so far. so then. we'd be really close trying to catch him. maybe its in one of the twistunes where he's running away. he turns around and shoots fire at you. fucking OW (also its BLUE. i dont know how colored fire works, but assuming its blue because its even hotter than normal fire. um. ow.)
like SIR im new to this world i dont know how things work
its like... like being saddled with a baby after being suddenly kicked out of the house with no warning (and thus without any of your stuff besides the clothes youre wearing. ..but youve also been isolated from the world youre whole life so WHAT theres MAGIC? whats this about strange laws i dont know about-- wait THIS IS A BOYS ONLY SCHOOL? .........THERES FURRIES?) and the baby is VIOLENT
like HOLD on a second let me at least get a source of income first before giving me a being that utterly depends on me to survive (well. grim can probably survive on his own if we assume he's lived on his own for a bit until NRC. but um. ...well theres a reason there probably needs to be a bunch of childproofing for grim.) when i can barely figure out how to survive here
so. i feel i got very sidetracked. but its also nearing the time i sleep so my brain is slowing down on me and my thoughts have veered off the train tracks enough that this is just a whole mess of thoughts spewing out
i hope im making sense but im probably not
wanted to crowley bash because why are you putting me in charge of people probably the same age as me (minus grim) but with an advantage against me considering they have magic and i dont (not to say that people who know how to fight cant beat their asses but like. ...i dont know how to fight so.)
but he also hasnt given me reason to in canon i guess (if anythings happened outside of prologue i have no recollection of it. i just went through the wiki searching for every page with 'bill' or 'expense' in it)
surprisingly fanfiction either turns to 'crowley is an asshole' (and also actually pays attention to yuu and blames them like oh) or 'parent crowley' which speaks for itself (and is very cute in its own right but i also dont like him regardless as i dislike all adults that put responsibilities on children to be fucking idk child soldiers or to fight shit or deal with shit. i mean crowley doesnt go that far but i still dont like him)
those fics though start from prologue and go in order (some include vignettes and events) so i assumed that it followed it close enough to be a recreation but [so and so] but i was wrong apparently
still tho
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pumpkinsy0 · 4 days
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I think if we REALLY being for real and if papercut were to actually be a thing, I think since it’s the 60s they would have a internalised homophobia type of relationship, they know that they like each other but always calls each other friends because they’re ashamed of what they feel and just decide to keep it to themselves
Everybody makes too much fluff fics Where the ones where it isn’t as hopeful Frl
i posted something about this week i think, but i said that going down this route, curly would genuinely deal w internalized homophobia and b so upset that he is actually a lil fruity but just cant bring himself to just drop pony meanwhile ponys just scared to get caught in general, and its like he doesnt care if others r gay, but bc its himself hes afraid
but i think w my papercut version, what influenced me to like,,,not,,,,see that happening ig, is mostly my parents, they were both immigrants from haiti, my dad moved here in the 60s and my mom in like the 80s, and they arent homophobic, so i kinda just, pushed that into the shepards cause i think thats interesting
i also just genuinely think they live too hard of a life to rlly gaf who theyre doin 😭😭, especially curly, i dont think he cares about a lot of things the same way angela and tim do, but ig they r still dealing w internalized homophobia a bit
maybe we r all just seeing papercut as a general ship and not as like, a ship in the 60s which ig isnt a bad thing, do what u want, its tumblr, we r here for fun
ANYWHO, about ur last point about them being not as hopeful, honestly, id argue that if u wanna say that. homophobia wouldnt rlly b the reason y they wouldnt b as hopeful, ITS A CONTRIBUTION, but not like the final nail in the coffin, yknow???
but fuck it while we r here, i noticed that a lot of ppl see papercut as being an interracial couple w curly being idk whatever, and pony being white, but then dont talk about the racial aspects of the 60s a lot or dont rlly acknowledge it
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neotrances · 9 months
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me and bf discussing stuff i may look into getting back into therapy soon i cant rlly explain my headspace dealing with my personality disorder and such but it would probably help me a lot to atleast not be so reactive or touchy to certain topics i use this blog like a diary anyways but i do tend to over share but rlly its more for me to look back later to ground myself more idk i gotta contact my insurance anyways soon so i might as well see the options its not like being this emotional or rather flipping thru emotions so fast is like surprising with my conditions and past it’s expected but its pretty exhausting feeling like different ppl flickering bc of getting worked up and i definitely dont want to ig make that something im doing that makes ppl think im doing it for notes or whatever i do think i get to wrapped in online stuff as well and that’d be lessened with therapy and possibly meds again but i havent been on those im a while and im not rlly hopeful for the feelings i did have on psychosis medication not like theirs a cure all pill for my issues bc its more unhealed stuff than my disorders oh im rambling sorry um here’s a dog picture
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localgardenweed · 6 months
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Ok I was originally gonna write how I wanna go back to Eddsworld and do stuff for it again but felt out of the loop with the modern fandom and shit but ended up being a rant about how I hate Beyond so like gonna write this again but keeping part of the rant cause i need to share how much i cant stand Beyond again
So like I wanna come back to Eddsworld cause as much as it was a dumpster fire for me it was my first real fandom I was apart of online so it holds a place in my heart. I mean probably technically whatever I did on Framecast was my first ever online fandom space but shhhh that dont count i was but a wondering traveler looking for my place in the world. It actually got me into Eddsworld someone made a animation to Youth by Daughter and had me hooked. But still was very important to me and my art development.
Its so crazy to me cause i was into Eddsworld HARD in the 2016-2020 era where alot of the ig modern fandom was born i watched cities fall and crumble I was deep in the amino trenches, Pork Sodaing and seeing so much historical fandom events happen before your eyes. I was watching everyone consume every piece of Prince of Mints and Moho art I was a sucker for them which probably wasn’t okay for like a 5th grader but i definitely turned out all right /j.
I left for a little bit on and off cause Hetalia was choking me and like keeping me prisoner but like it still had a place in my heart for it but like ya know i still was there but idk now I just dont find the same spark anymore from the first go around. Something changed and maybe cause i just had my tastes change and maybe cause my ex-best friend was making fun of my oc all the time but i made him when i was like 11 and figuring out identities and ways to express yourself without sticking to the gender norms and dealing with alot of stuff at the time i finally caved and just didn’t feel the same any anymore about the show.
Cause I loved that fandom more than anything but, I don’t know I just don’t know how to get back that spark and go frolic in the fields with my TomTordOc love triangle of my 5th grader dreams and just be cringe and free and feel joy again but I just cant enjoy the material anymore like THEY ARE MASSACRING MY BOYS WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO THEMM
It doesn’t hit the same and i know i dont need to consume Beyond i doubt anyone actually does at this point but i cant stand beside while they murder everything i loved about the Classic and Legacy eras.
Also just, I think I hit a road block with it too like, I got stuck on where to do and what to do with Eddsworld like. I make aus i made ocs i made a ask blog i made animatics, now what? And like idk i felt weird and like stuck in the mud with them. Also just had the friend falling out who was also the co-creator of the ask blog so now i dont know how to pick it back up all by myself again but them again i really was just doing it by myself all the time anyway so i just have to figure out how to get back into the swing of things
I have some ideas for aus and maybe just finally be free and bring my oc back from the grave for realsies and make you all consume it but, I don’t know. Im scared to come back cause also weirdly alot of the new fans are younger than me or the older fans are older than me so its kinda awkward, also im just awkward im scared to talk to people online, there is and were some people i desperately wanted to be friends with both in and out of Eddsworld but im too scared and either just watch from afar or abuse the Anonymous function in ask boxes. 
If i cave enough i might come back to Eddsworld to at least finish my lore for the ask blog cause IM SORRY I LEFT YALL HANGING I HAD SCHOOL AND THEN JUST FORGOT ABOUT IT but forever haunted by the people who like every single post and then i get excited cause i see like 99+ notes waiting for me and i think one of my new posts blew up but no its just the ew boys who screw around likes and reblog and the occasional comment
One day ill return to my rightful birthplace and one day I shall be free and one with nature and draw as much as I want for it and as many ocs i want without someone telling me its cringe or make more for the ask blog or hell start doing animation and animatics again
Ok here is the Beyond rant now if you wanna read it
I feel the difference between Beyond and Legacy is that, Beyond is trying to horriblycopy their older brothers Classic and Legacy and almost dumb it down a bit with more childish humor, and Legacy takes inspiration from Classic: It’s different but a natural difference/evolution. Or the fact a whole new guy was writing it all with a slightly different style so he wrote what he knew idk maybe a bit of a factor idk
Also i cant stand the Tord bait sorry I cant, especially when they used to like get annoyed by the fandom by asking and then just realized he was a cash cow so like now we get Tord merch and the hints and Tori and the skit with the cavemen like OMG TORD- and he got crushed by a rock thanks gang, cause like dude I think as much as we love Tord like maybe this go around respect Larson’s choice to like not use him in the series anymore and take him out but like ig that doesn’t apply to merch so yeah lets do one more go around bring out the red one. Or idk maybe they contacted him and was like “yo dude can we like use him for merch” but i dont think that happened. I think it was just better to leave him absent from the show and be like “yeah no Tord guys, no Tord” and we could have all had our thumbs up and be like “Ok Eddsworld Beyond we are okay with that”. Like I know Red October was for charity but idk it still felt weird to use Tord, like could this really not have just been the main 3 or like bring in some deep cut old characters or side characters did we really need Tord here.
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jewish-vents · 6 months
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i’m honestly pretty upset at the fact that my family hasn’t even mentioned purim this year yet my parents’ll get annoyed at me for not participating in an easter egg hunt. like i know we’re a multifaith household (kinda, my dad’s agnostic but he’s culturally christian) but honestly they’re all so obsessed with the non-jewish holidays we celebrate yet we barely mention half the jewish ones.
like don’t get me wrong i love halloween but i hate that it gets months of preparation for costumes and plans and everything yet no one’s said the word “purim” out loud for over a year. earlier this year on yom kippur i wanted to try fasting (i hadn’t done it before) bcz idk it felt like something i wanted to do but everyone just treated it like a normal day and my mother was confused why i wasn’t eating. and with christmas and easter they plan a huge thing with eggs and presents and going down to my (paternal) grandmother’s house for a day or 4 yet these days chanukah gets a quick lighting the candles then go do whatever, purim gets ignored, and pesach usually gets a good enough celebration (if lacking in a thing or 2) but honestly im worried this year we won’t do much.
other than that the only holiday that even gets a mention is rosh hashanah and all we do is the apples and honey stuff, absolutely nothing else.
between all this and my siblings’ very explicit internalised antisemitism (tiktok performative activist-style) i feel like i’m the only person in my family who isn’t ashamed to be jewish in some way. (i mean the youngest 2 aren’t really but they’re growing up with hardly anything jewish in their lives and idk that’s still really sad to me)
honestly i just hope i can be more jewish ig with my own kids but that’s years away, i don’t want to wait until im an adult with my own family to actually celebrate and observe the holidays in MY religion and not the ones about a guy from a completely separate religion i hold no care for
idk ig all this isn’t as bad as the massive amount of widespread antisemitism we all have to deal with daily but in a way it hurts more that throughout it all i cant even feel properly jewish because my immediate family consists of a cultural christian, a 13yo who sees tiktok as gospel on politics, 2 pre-teen children who know nothing of their culture, and a woman who’s lines of logic i could not figure out if i spent years in a lab studying her.
idk maybe our cat would be interested in observing shabbat with me, she’s probably the most likely to
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