#it's what she (they) deserve

[inbabylontheywept]

so once me and my wife were watching a documentary where a snake ate like a million eggs. that snake just went to fucking town on eggs. and the snake made the eggs look so good that i kept thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and eventually it was 11pm and i ran out of willpower and decided to eat one (1) singular raw egg just to prove to myself that the snake was surely a liar.

the snake was not a liar. texture is like, super important to me and raw eggs are very Texture so i had another one, and then another one, and then another one, and eventually i ran out of eggs.

i had like, fifteen raw eggs.

i didnt really know how to explain this momentary madness to my wife, so my Plan was to put all the eggshells into a grocey bag, and then throw that grocery bag in the dumpster, and if she never noticed that would be Excellent and if she noticed immediately i could lie and say that the eggs went bad.

except i cant lie very good, and of course with murphys law being such, i got salmonella.

so i threw up a lot and my wife asked me what poisoned me so and i tried very hard to dodge the question but i was oozing shame like oil from a room temperature cheese and eventaully i gave in and told her everything and to her enormous credit she was more flabbergasted than actually upset. she did make me promise to not eat any more raw eggs, which i have stuck to, and she gives me weird looks during nature documentaries now as if desire was the only thing keeping me from eating thousands of pounds of krill anyway i made a joke earlier about being able to eat my age in eggs and my sister in law in law made a drawing to comemorate the moment and also because it was my birthday. she's excellent. thank you 10000000% @cintailed. you should all visit her page and admire her work.

[desperatepleasures]

one time I used the ben affleck smoking reaction image in the family group chat and my mom replied with the funniest possible response which was: "mommy doesn't know who the guy is???" and that phrase has not left my brain since. I'll see blorbos on my dash that I don't recognize and I'll be like well it seems mommy doesn't know who the guy is.

[usertoxicyaoi]

Algeria's Imane Khelif wins Olympic Gold at the Women's Boxing in the Paris Olympics 2024.

[chloesimaginationthings]

The moment FNAF movie Vanessa knew she fucked up

[erros429]

MARCILLE'S DESPERATION FOR FALIN THE ENTIRE TIME. TO THE POINT OF NEEDING TO BE HELD BACK SO SHE DOESN'T RUSH IN AND GET HERSELF KILLED. THINKING THAT FALIN, HER FALIN WOULD NEVER HURT HER. GOD.

THEN DEFENDING HER DURING AND AFTER FALIN IS MERCILESSLY KILLING PEOPLE IN FRONT OF THEM AND BEGGING THEM NOT TO KILL HER. GOD. SAPPHICS PORTRAY DEVOTION LIKE NO OTHER

[dasketcherz]

it was a pretty cool dlc, i enjoyed it a lot

[smokestarrules]

gotta say I am a huge sucker for how Adventure Time will sometimes just cut to Princess Bubblegum doing something extremely morally dubious like cutting off a tiny person’s limbs with scissors and then sticking those arms and legs onto another tiny person’s limb stumps but then she'll turn around and go like "Good morning, Finn! Are you ready for a sploinking day?" and whatever atrocities she had just been committing will Never be brought up again.

[blessyouhawkeye]

just found out that not only has dolly parton been married for nearly 60 years to the same normie ass guy who owned a road paving business who and i quote "went to a single event before swearing off hollywood forever" but also he looked like this

and all i have to say is. good for her.

[bisexualpercyjacksons]

pjo tv show episode 5 alignment:

[sleepysebris]

:) 🖤

@mlsecretsanta gift for @thequeenofspace! happy belated holidays and apologies for the delay, had a serious family emergency followed by sickness! I had so much fun making this though, was so excited to finally draw these two 🖤 hope you enjoy!!!

[savagegood]

she is thriving | THE BEAR SEASON TWO

[technically-human]

Recharging

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

while we wait.

may i offer you all a pubby?? lil bby barns?

[petrowriting]

the revelation that claudia’s rebirth was such a twisted and horrible moment, with louis dragging her like she was a thing, a stranger who neither of them knew but he kept saying over and over “our daughter, our beautiful little daughter” to lestat, really solidified the way she was never the main character of her own story. she was always an accessory to some or the other of louis’ whims: his guilt, his loneliness, his conflict of being a killer, his rocky relationship with lestat. there was love there, love from both her fathers, but it was never enough. lestat saw her too much as a wretched mirror held up to his own self, and louis was always too steeped in his own feelings to care enough about hers. claudia’s story truly was the greatest tragedy in this tale, treated horribly by every man around her, even her fathers, relentlessly exploited and brutally ignored, always second and never first. the only one who loved her the way she deserved to be loved was madeleine, and the moment she truly had her, her happiness was torn from her. and just before she died, she got to see someone actually choose her in her entirety, not for what she can be but for who she is, and it still wasn’t enough. she still burned alive in the sunlight. the love was there, but it wasn’t enough to save her.

[chloesimaginationthings]

The tragedy of being William Afton’s daughter in FNAF..

[sealedfates]

taylor’s giant handsome super bowl champion boyfriend carrying her around the stage at her iconic record breaking sold out stadium tour with ease oh i’ve never been more happy for her