#it's weird that living here makes me feel physically unsafe but it just really does and i can't stop feeling scared

[circular-bircular]

apologies in advance because this will contain some infodump on our system along with it. as a DID system I feel often out of place in pro/endo spaces. not really unsafe or unwelcome, just really weird and alienated.

the spaces I'm in, in a lot of cases, have endo systems that have some... peculiar thought processes about their headmates, such as treating them as a collectible, that makes me feel really uncomfortable. it's not my business anyway so I'm not saying anything, and if they as a system are happy that way, it's not my place to interfere and say they're doing something wrong. live and let live yk.

but also. I look at our alters and can't help but feel like so out of place. I look at one introject, who in source has lost his right hand, and has severe somatic disfunction over it, to the point of making our right hand unusable when he's close to front, he physically can't move it and it is PAINFUL. like reversed phantom pain. I look at another introject who's our depression and suicidal thoughts holder, and he's miserable all the time so we can pretend that we're functioning. I look at yet another introject, who upon forming shut the front off for days to deal with our flashbacks and severe trauma on his own.

I look at this and think, am I in the right place there? can I talk about these things there? I don't think I can. we don't treat our alters as a fun quirky collectible or imaginary friend because it's not what we are (and I'd like to reiterate: I don't care if anyone does it. their approach to their system is their own. I don't care if somebody created their headmates because they needed friends in middle school, or because they're a writer and needed their characters to talk back, or anything else. it's not my place to interfere. you're fine)

I mean sure I can freely use pk for example and I won't get judged for it for "separating too much" or "pretending to be a character" or anything else, but hopefully those things don't happen in anti endo spaces either so that's not really a point. I don't know man I just feel alienated everywhere I go for being a DID system who's very pro endo

As someone who, up until very recently, fully identified with the label pro-endo, I understand fully. I have always felt like this in all inclusive-plural spaces I've been in. Yesterday, everyone in a server I'm in was having a long discussion about introjects and comparing... how... abusive their introjects were in source... While laughing about the abuse they've done?

(Stares in "the only introjects I have were split to hold frustration and anger due to severe trauma I've experienced, one being a murderer and one being a misogynistic potentially homophobic asshole")

It always feels so alienating to be in those spaces, esp with younger individuals in the servers.

Here's what I'll say though: Talk about it. Talk about that discomfort. Because that's the only way change is going to happen. There's a reason I stuck around in that server -- because I could chime in and say, "Hey, look, you aren't your source, nobody should feel like they're like that" and opened up a conversation about how introjects are not the abusers they split from.

Regardless of system origins.

[emojackolantern]

Hyperanalyzing Hozier (rant?)

this line is really interesting to me bc ive been like seven different interpretations of it and all of them have some validity? but i wanted to give my two cents

I don't think the heavens gate/tsa comparison is really the big issue here so much as "who wants to live forever" and "i wish i could go along"

A. who wants to live forever immediately preceding a line referencing a suicide cult is crazy

B. you wish you could go along with what??? like you wish you didn't have to sit through TSA like it bores you and it's monotonous and shit? bc that's fine. obvs i wish i could go along when referring to heavens gate is about like,,, the ideals? like i wish i agreed with the beliefs bc supposedly they'd make me happier but like i don't?? which is also fine. either that or he's being specifically denied access from participating which doesn't make sense.

the TSA thing is what gets me. actually a lot of it still gets me. your mouth is like heavens gate??? in what way?? makes promises that it can't live up to and that which will inevitably hurt a bunch of people?? fine. im STILL confused about the TSA thing.

the rest of you like you're the TSA. physically the rest of me?? or like metaphorically, like my actions generally?? my chakras??? you know "the rest" is vague as fuck.

either way the TSAs like whole thing is ensuring public safety by getting rid of risks. that being said, if the dichotomy is supposed to be "you say things that make me feel unsafe, but i feel safe in your arms" that would be a really weird choice for a song whose central theme is "you're too good for me"

tho if the whole point is that the things heavens gate (and this person by comparison) promise were like incredibly grand and obviously never going to be able to be lived up to that would make sense when compared to TSA, something many people consider very tedious and annoying, but ultimately posing no risk to one's self.

i feel like bc he makes such a random point in this verse to talk about the work that he does and then also to end this section with the line "i wish i could go along". it just really lends to this image of him as bored of his life despite what he says and despite the fact that he's saying she's too good for him? like this whole verse just feels like him being like "damn i hate it here" and then knowingly doing nothing to help himself whilst trying to warn her away, not bc he doesn't care about her but bc he knows she deserves better than the effort he wont put in

[ivy-saurs]

the fact that i’m gonna have to go back to living at my mum’s house after graduating from uni is honestly terrifying me, i just don’t feel safe living with this family. my mum is completely unaccepting of my mental illness and my brother is just a complete cunt

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 2x10 thoughts

GOOD GOD.

“No Weddings and a Funeral” is like being hungover but also coming out of a hangover. Having a terrible cold but also feeling better and appreciating every breath that comes through your nose. Embarking on an organizational project and accidentally falling into a photo album and crying about the pictures and organizing almost nothing tangible but making a few things more clear in your brain.

So much of this episode is about the AWFUL POINTLESSNESS OF DECORUM. How loud is too loud when you’re drinking stolen wine and shrieking about sex in a church right before your father’s funeral? How should you feel--thirty years later, as an accommodating, anger-averse person--about having been too angry to attend the funeral for your father who killed himself? What expression should you make when you show up really late to a different funeral? Why must you wear uncomfortable shoes just because someone died? What happens in your mind between standing up to give a eulogy for a man you’re still angry with and choosing to Rick Roll your mom and everyone else as an act of complicated love, humiliatingly incomplete until someone else starts to sing? Should you worry about your therapist seeing your normally tidy flat in a full-on state of depression mess? Is it okay to be offended that your boyfriend is so uncomfortable about death that he can’t stop making morbid jokes? Should you care about other people caring that you’re crunching an apple in church or squealing with joy to be reunited with a friend you’ve not seen in awhile? Are you obligated to explain your behavior if your kid doesn’t understand how you could stay with someone unfaithful? How far behind the counter should you sink when your [undefined relationship person]’s mother has just let you know she can see your dick through your underwear? Is a funeral reception an okay place to find a hookup? Is a funeral reception a decent spot for a break-up? Is a funeral reception a good time for a love confession when you know the person you’re confessing to is happy with someone else? And who do you make eye contact with when you can’t look directly at the person asking you if you’re okay when there’s so, so much about you she doesn’t know yet? Even if--for this tiny little moment within a vast swath of many okay and not-okay moments--you’re honest when you tell her that you are?

I fucking adored this episode because it answers all these questions very simply: Show up. Show up for yourself. Show up for your friends. Try not to harm yourself. Try not to harm your friends.

I love that this episode is about the messiness of adulthood and the things we bring with us from childhood and that it takes place partially in Rebecca’s childhood bedroom, and in Ted’s childhood memories. Dwelling in those places (whether physically or mentally) isn’t an automatic recipe for regression, but it does get everyone closer to the things that made them who they are, to the unresolved and half-buried parts of them that still make them tick today.

Forever obsessed with every single detail about Rebecca’s childhood bedroom.

Forever obsessed with Deborah’s decision to Rick Roll herself every single morning of her life.

Forever obsessed with Rebecca’s decision to Rick Roll her father’s funeral as a way to not have to make up a single word about her father and to do something very vulnerable and kind for herself and her mother and everyone.

Forever obsessed with Ted’s decision to Rick Roll Rebecca Rick Rolling her father’s funeral.

Forever obsessed with an entire found family backing it up.

I love that it is Isaac’s leadership that ensures every single member of the team attends the service for Paul.

I am very, very interested in Jamie’s love confession to Keeley because I do think it will spark some reflection in Keeley but I do not think it’ll go the cliched love triangle route.

Each scene with Rebecca and Sam struck (for me, a human being sharing a subjective perspective on the internet) the tender-awkward-beautiful-stressful chord I was hoping it would. I think it’s wonderful that Sam is honest with Rebecca about how difficult it is to keep their relationship a secret, and I love that Rebecca has a million mostly-unarticulated reasons for why she’d much prefer the secret to continue. I like that Sassy, Keeley, and Nora respond to the revelation as friends; they might be tempering their judgments in part because they’ve all gathered to bury Rebecca’s dad, but I don’t think their reactions would’ve been that different even on a happier occasion.

While there are a million and one different reasons why a continued relationship between Rebecca and Sam could cause serious ethical problems, I really love that when people share big news on this show, the people who care about them generally react by trying to see why the person is doing what they’re doing. Doesn’t mean they shouldn’t also hold each other accountable, but in my book it’s OK that Keeley’s first reaction was to feel happy that her friend is having some fun.

Also everyone has been making weird judgment calls this season, and this episode felt like a moment of real breakthroughs in terms of people telling the truth about things that happened to them and leaving themselves open to honest responses from others.

September 13, 1991. It’s so tenderly, beautifully, overwhelmingly meaningful that there’s still so much Ted and Rebecca don’t know about the things they have in common in these parallel lives they’re leading. The scene between Sarah Niles and Jason Sudeikis is so beautifully acted, and so is the scene between Hannah Waddingham and Harriet Walter. The way they intertwine to communicate that Ted and Rebecca basically lost the ability to trust their fathers simultaneously, from an ocean away? In the hands of lesser storytellers, it would feel too perfect a mirroring, but here it feels heartbreakingly imperfect. All the things they still don’t know. All the questions they try to ask each other. All the things they don’t dare ask yet. And then the storytellers are holding a candle up to all of it and letting the audience bask in the glow of this connection even if Ted and Rebecca can’t fully understand it yet.

I am so proud that Rebecca and Deborah were able to embark on the beginnings of a conversation about the ways Deborah and Paul’s relationship might have resembled or not resembled Rebecca and Rupert’s. It feels possible that they could get to a point where Rebecca truly internalizes her mother’s pride that she broke a cycle by leaving Rupert, and could maybe even understand why her mother made the choices she made. I love that in the final scene, they’re still relying on their old mother-daughter conversational patterns—the frustrations, the snippy shorthand, the passive-aggression. Mothers and daughters!

I am also proud that Ted—albeit via a joke about Sharon charging him for the house call—indicates that he understands the value of Sharon’s work. He’s changed a lot, all in realistic ways for someone who loves learning and really does want to meet people where they are and appreciate them. I’m very moved that instead of putting himself in a real harmful situation by showing up to the funeral on time at any cost, he did what he needed to do to take care of himself and accept care from someone else. And then Sharon’s suggestion that he think about things he loved about his father? And the way he’s able to share a positive memory of Rebecca’s own father at a time when she really needed it? Gosh.

Awkward, undecorous transition from 1991 to present-day incoming...but SASSY! She’s just, like, a whirling dervish of loyal friendship and not giving a fuck and penis size discussions and being casually, delightfully cruel to Rupert, who so deserves it. Rebecca was going on a real face journey when Sassy goes off with Ted at the end, and I’m sort of *eyes emoji* about all of that, but I continue to feel like Sassy is the most imperfectly wonderful friend-from-the-past kind of person and I love everything she and Nora get to do in this episode.

Keeley saying “That baby is whack” might be my favorite line in the episode? Maybe the whole show? Not really but really.

FUCK YOU, RUPERT. Bex and Diane, y’all are fine. And I truly feel for Nate...whatever scheme he’s getting suckered into. Whatever insecurity Rupert is preying on. I want Nate to go to therapy, too.

I feel like it was an unpopular opinion at the time, but I loved Rebecca’s 2x1 revelation about vulnerability and fear of getting hurt and needing to let someone love her. Sassy doesn’t always word things in the most nuanced way, but I think there’s a real possibility that she did ask Rebecca to really consider what it means to feel either safe or unsafe with a person but to know that in either circumstance, that person could end up causing her pain. Standing in that closet with Sam, managing to make it clear that she’s not asking for a break because she knows he will hurt her but because she has to figure out how to be with a wonderful person who could cause her pain...the growth, man. Makes me emotional.

I emerged from this episode feeling, of course, stunned by all the amazing parallels and revelations and beautiful acting and Rick Rolls and just, everything. I also emerged feeling sad/raw/tender because messiness and decorum and growth and coping mechanisms and death and dramatic irony and not knowing things about people and not knowing what you don’t know...it’s a sad, raw, tender place to be.

To quote a guy who got a whole sitcom (lol) named after him, life is real hard.

[elevatorladylady]

ACOTAR AITA - Tamlin (part 3)

Is Tamlin an asshole? Yes, but let’s see why.

I broke this up weird, but I’m thinking this will be the last one with some stuff from both ACOMAF and ACOWAR.

Am I the asshole for sending someone from my court to find my fiance even after she sent a note saying she wasn’t coming back? It sounds like Everyone Sucks Here. Did she really end an engagement with you and go to live with someone who has taken her there against her will multiple times in the past with an unverifiable note? I’d definitely want to make sure she was actually the one to send it before moving on.

Am I the asshole for allying with an enemy of Prythian to get my fiance back after she refused to go with my centennial? Yeah, my dude, you’re the asshole. I could see why you might not feel 100% sure she’s making her own choices on this, but that’s not a reason to use force to get her to do what you think she would/should want.

Am I the asshole for continuing to work with and take advice from Ianthe after she helped turn my fiancé’s sister fae against their will? UH YTA. This is your fiance, the person you “cared” enough about to go to war over, and you’re going to make her work with the person that got her sisters kidnapped and violated? Gross.

Am I the asshole for being jealous that my fiance seems to be flirting with my bestie and trusts him more? No Assholes Here. It’s normal to feel insecure about things especially when you are going through something. Remember that you did betray her trust and she has reason to be on guard with you, and you still have work to do.

Am I the asshole for blowing up my study out of rage when my fiance questioned my choices as a leader? Uh, yes. You’re a major asshole. Remember when we talked about expressions of anger making others feel unsafe? And this one was just scary it actually physically harmed her. 

Am I the asshole for being mean in a political meeting after finding out that the fiance I thought had wanted to work on things married the dude I thought she needed protection from? This is almost an ESH, but remember that you are still the asshole for getting her back through the threat of war. What choice did she really have when you wouldn’t accept that she didn’t want to be with you? You’re the asshole.

Am I the asshole for being upset with my ex-fiance for purposely destroying my court? Well, my dude, you may have been manipulated into certain circumstances, but you were the one in control of things and lost the trust of your court. Everyone does suck here, but you should take a long hard look at your own role in this and maybe don’t trust your ex-fiance with political alliances.

Am I the asshole for allying with the enemy with a plan to betray the enemy? NTA. I mean lets remember that YTA for making that choice initially to force a woman to be with you, but we’ve already established that you can win by being sneaky and appearing to ally with the enemy (*cough* Amarantha’s whore *cough*)

Am I the asshole for not readily agreeing to save the life of my enemy to make my ex-fiance happy after she got her revenge on me and I helped her escape from the enemy camp as a way to make for putting her sisters in danger with Ianthe? NTA. It honestly seems a little rude for her to demand that you contribute to saving the life of a guy who’s been excessively nasty to you so she can be happy with the guy she left you for. I mean sure, you should want her to be happy if you did ever love her, but I can see why you wouldn’t immediately feel interested in helping the person who manipulated you for months.

Am I the asshole for being rude and angry toward my enemy, who is married to the girl I had almost married, when he comes to my disheveled home where I have nothing going for me? NTA. Wtf. Why is this dude being a dick to you? Doesn't he want a political alliance? There is absolutely no reason for him to continue to be rude to you when you’re no longer any kind of threat of conflict to him, and he’s the one who is happy with the person you were once happy with. You saved the guy’s life, you don’t owe him anything more.

I may do some bits for other characters in the future, but I wanted to do it for Tamlin because I hate the way his every action is vilified by the narrative and the fandom.

[jackrrabbit]

excerpts/tasting menu of upcoming works

You’re in luck anon because this past week my dumbass brain decided to start like 5 different fics and not finish any of them, so I have plenty of things to preview (specific CWs included with each individual section)

As always, encouragement goes a long way for my motivation, so if you see something you’re interested in, give it a shoutout!

Also, all of these are super rough ;///; please have mercy on my pitiable first-draft skills

[BNHA] Spoiled Rotten /// Overhaul x f!Reader

Summary: You’re daddy’s spoiled little princess, but unfortunately daddy’s got debts to the yakuza and Overhaul’s going to make you work them off the hard way.

Warnings: restraints, kidnapping, harassment, drugging

“Do you know why you’re here?”

Against your will, your eyes flip up to the speaker. He’s the only one sitting, and somehow that gives him a position of power among the others. The leader?

Golden eyes rest steadily on yours, and you realize he’s waiting for your answer, so you slowly move your head from side to side.

“Didn’t know about daddy’s bad habits, huh?” This time the person speaking is behind you—the one who untied your blindfold, a thin man with lank, greasy blond hair. He’s the one who drugged me, you remember in a surge of panic, and you try to shift away from him only for him to step on the chain that connects your cuffs, jerking you back and pinning you in place.

“Careful, Setsuno. I told you not to leave marks. Let her talk.”

“Got it, boss.” The blond—Setsuno—fumbles at the back of your head and then he’s pulling the gag out of your mouth.

You open and close your mouth a few times to stretch out the stiff muscles. “Oh my gosh, was that polyester you just took out of my mouth? Do you have any idea how bad synthetics are for sensitive skin? I’m totally going to break out.”

A hush falls over the little room. You could hear a pin drop.

“…Are you complaining about the quality of the fabric we gagged you with?” the leader asks after a beat.

“You may be gangsters, but you don’t have to act like savages,” you reply primly, aligning your knees together and sending a proud look off to the side.

“Ohh…little princess deserves better, does she?” Setsuno coos. He edges closer to rub his cheek against yours and laughs when you flinch back from him. “Boss, you shoulda seen her bedroom. All pink and frilly, looked like royalty lived there. Bet they treat you like a real princess at home, huh? No wonder your daddy’s in debt.”

[BNHA] Sweet Tooth /// Bakugou x f!Reader

Summary: Pro hero AU—Your boss Ground Zero is an insufferable prick, but you just can’t get enough of the way he smells.

Warnings: none? arguing?

“Do you hear me? I don’t want you here. I don’t want you as my assistant. You can call yourself my ‘administrative support’ but you and I both know you’re a glorified janitor here to clean up my messes and I. Don’t. Want. You.” There’s a muffled bang and then the air is permeated with the acrid stench of burning. You don’t even have to look down to know that the papers (the report you spent three days of unpaid overtime trying to finish in the hopes that maybe this would convince him that you’re on his side) are going up in smoke.

And okay, you slip a little bit. Who can blame you?

“Well guess what, Katsuki? I don’t want you either.” You step as much closer to him as you can manage without literally touching him and jab your index finger into his chest—see how he likes it when you get up in his personal space. “I got placed here. I didn’t choose this. I don’t want to work for a temperamental brat who doesn’t know how to be appreciative of his staff, so the feeling’s mutual. So how about you shut up and let me do my job before the Commission decides you’re too much of a liability to let you run wild any longer?”

Bakugou sneers. He’s clearly not intimidated in the least, and dear god do you want to wipe that smug look off his face. “If you’re the best tactic the Commission’s got, they know they can’t touch me. I’m the number two hero—“

“—and you’re the number one expense when it comes to damage control and repairs. Seriously, do you think Deku goes around blowing up government buildings every other week? I’d kill to be at his agency instead of yours.”

“It was one stupid post office, and no one was hurt—“ Bakugou stops in the middle of his rebuttal and scarlet eyes narrow at you. “Wait. Deku? You’re saying you’d rather work for shitty Deku?”

He says it like the alias is an insult, and you frown. As a long-time admirer of Deku’s, you feel the instant impulse to come to his defense. “Of course I’d rather work for the top pro hero. Maybe if you weren’t so hot-headed you’d win a popularity contest once in a while.”

Uh-oh. Looks like you struck a nerve.

Bakugou leans into you and now you’re the one who has to shuffle back to keep your distance. He looks—well, murderous is a little too terrifying, so you’re going to go with pissed. Light shimmers out in harmless sparkles over his palms (it would be pretty if it wasn’t so foreboding) and the accompanying crackles make you shiver, but you hold the determined look on your face. He’s so close you can smell the fresh sharpness and witch hazel in his aftershave and under that—

—huh. It’s weird, but there’s a really sweet, really rich scent. Like…what is it? It’s wrong, out of place. Your brain is convinced that it’s not supposed to be there, so you can’t identify it. Without thinking, you inhale roughly, trying to get a better sense of the mouth-watering smell.

[BNHA] Runaways /// Dabi x f!Reader

Summary: Yandere—You were like an older sister to Dabi back when the two of you were teen runaways together; now that he’s found you as an adult, he’s never letting you leave again.

Warnings: unsafe piercing practices, don’t do this at home kids

When you turn your head like that, Dabi can see the tiny dots running up the side of your ear where your old piercings have scarred over from lack of use. Do you remember when he gave them to you? You did his first, running a needle through the lonely flame of your lighter (he offered to use his quirk, but it was still hard for him to control then so you declined) and then threading the metal through his ear. You promised it would only hurt for a second, and you were right, so he let you do the others.

Then, you’d offered to let him give you one. Just one on each ear—you already had an impressive collection of piercings, but you wanted to let him return the favor, so he did it. You were older than him and more experienced and had lived on the streets for longer, so when he held the needle in his hand and you told him you trusted him, it was the first time he’d ever thought of you as fragile, something delicate, something that he was capable of harming.

He’d chosen twin helix piercings for you, cresting the shell of each ear, silver band rings to match his. When they were done you’d pulled him to a mirror and asked him what he thought. It’d been a while after the worst burns on his face, the ones under his eyes and wrapping around his chin and down his neck, and he was still getting used to the knowledge that the wrinkled purple-red scars were never going to heal. “I look like…” he’d started.

A monster. A freak. A victim.

“A badass,” you’d said. “You look fucking cool. Any asshole who wants to pick a fight with you will take one look and know you’ve been through worse shit than whatever they can dish out, and that’s something to be proud of.”

Now that Dabi thinks about it, he probably wanted you even then.

[KNY] Moonrise /// Kokushibou x f!Reader

Summary: A shrine maiden is spirited away by a demon posing as a land god.

Warnings: references to Shinto religion

“Look up there, up in the mountains behind our shrine,” your grandmother told you. “Do you see the place where the earth rises into the clouds? Our kami lives there, in the boundary between the physical world and the celestial one, higher than any human can reach.”

You stopped crying just long enough to follow the direction of her gaze, staring into the hazy mist in the mountains beyond your village. “Kokushibou lives in the woods?” The idea of your supposedly beloved deity living off the land like a wild animal was unsettling to you.

The anxiety was obvious in your voice, but your grandmother just laughed and patted your hair. “In the woods, yes, but the legends tell us he lives in a mansion fit for an emperor. His house is so fine that our little temple could fit inside it a dozen times.”

“Does he live there all by himself? Isn’t he lonely?”

“Kokushibou may be alone, but he spends his days watching our village. He has three pairs of eyes so that he may look upon the human world, the heavens, and his own affairs without changing his gaze.” Your grandmother pointed to one of the stone carvings that had scared you earlier (the one you thought was so demonic with so many eyes in its face) and her wrinkled lips curled up in a smile that made her look like a girl again. “Can I tell you a secret?”

You nodded yes, too enthralled in the tale to remember that you’d been upset.

“Once when my aunt—your great grandmother’s sister—was young, Kokushibou came down from his mountain to watch her perform her kagura dance. When she first met his eyes she was afraid, but her fear only lasted a moment, for although he was fierce in temperament his face was as beautiful as the full moon.”

Your mouth dropped open. “Did she say anything to him?”

“No, he disappeared before she could speak to him. But she told me she always regretted not being able to thank him for what he does for our village.”

“But what does he do? For our village?”

Your grandmother’s rough hands closed over your small ones, pulling them to her mouth so she could place a tender kiss upon them. “Kokushibou protects us. In other towns like ours there are criminals, raids…even attacks from demons and other creatures of darkness. Our village is peaceful because the evil fears retribution from kami.”

“So he takes care of us?”

“Yes, all of us.”

“Even me?”

“Even you, little one.”

[Haikyuu] Fanatic pt. 3 /// Oikawa x f!Reader

Summary: Oikawa takes advantage of a devoted fan for some stress relief after a bad match (…and then other stuff happens, see [part 1] and [part 2])

Warnings: implied smut?, 18+, implied dubcon??, degradation

“Wait!” you gasp out again, craning your neck to meet his gaze as best you can from over your shoulder (still without the nerve to pick your hands up off the glass or move your ass away from him). “Wait, we can’t—we shouldn’t, it’s wrong—“

We can’t. It’s wrong. Oikawa rolls your words around in his head and almost wants to laugh again—and he would, if he weren’t so focused on the fact that in a few seconds, he’s going to get what he’s ben wanting for months. You’re perfect, still his dutiful little cheerleader, still so deeply in denial that you can’t even say that he can’t, he shouldn’t, he’s wrong. None of this is your responsibility, but you’re acting like it’s a decision you’re making together. Because you want it too, he knows, he’s sure of it. Just like all his other vapid fans, you’re the same except you’re lucky, because he’s about to give it to you.

“Yeah, it’s wrong.” His voice is low and so close to your ear that you can feel the steam of his breath splay out over the skin of your cheek. “It’s wrong…you’re so sick, wanting it like this. So dirty, my sick little slut, let me make it better. I’ll make it all better, hm? Just stay put and—take it.”

A/N: I also wrote a bunch of iwcb pt. 3 but I really hate what I wrote so I might have to rewrite it, pray for me :(

[sissytobitch10seconds]

Symbols of Heart

Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia/My Hero Academia Summary:  Four Soulmarks all the way up his forearm. A yellow monkey A white glove A pink horn A silver engine Four Soulmates, all of which he is far too terrified to meet. Warnings: Eating disorders, depression, anxiety attacks, suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, mentions of childhood neglect, bad mental health, poor relationships, and mental health recovery, transphobia, transphobic characters, transphobic slurs, and physical fights Word Count: approx. 40,000 Chapters: 16 Ship(s): Shinsou Hitoshi/Iida Tenya/Ashido Mina/Hagakure Tooru/Ojiro Mashiro

Archive link!

Chapter 1: Anxieties 

“Kara, come here,” the elderly, soothing voice called out from the wheelchair that was parked in the corner of the room. The purple-haired girl looked up from the book that she had been reading by the delicate fire blazing in the fireplace. She placed it down carefully before she rushed over to where her grandmother was sitting. “Sit on my lap, child,” she cooed, patting her legs with a gentle smile.

She did as she was told, sitting down carefully. “What is it, Grandmother?” she asked curiously. The elderly woman had always made her read before bed and never before had she interrupted that time, so her doing so now only spiked the child’s curiosity.

“I would like to tell you a story. Something that you will need for your entire life,” she answered, her eyes becoming distant and wistful. “Do you know where Soulmarks come from?”

“Everyone is born with a Soulmark,” she answered, fidgeting a bit sheepishly. “And they get bolder until you meet your Soulmate.”

“Correct,” the older woman said, her voice sounding wondrously prideful. She raised her sleeve a bit, exposing her arm. The wrinkled skin held a small white heart with a black lock in the middle of it.“This is my Soulmark, and your grandfather’s. Do you know where they came from originally? The tale of how humans were blessed with Soulmates?”

“No,” Kara shook his head, causing long purple hair to fall over her shoulder and in front of her violet eyes. 

“It started in Greece. Humans were originally made of beings with multiple heads and limbs. Though they all only had one heart, shared with multiple souls. One day, the human all tried to climb up the mountain to get to the places where the Gods lived despite being warned not to,” the elderly woman began to ramble. On her lap, her granddaughter listened intently. “The Gods grew angry, and as a punishment, they split them up into what we think of as humans now. Two arms, two legs, one head, and one soul, but the hearts were all broken into pieces. Soon, the other Gods from elsewhere heard what had happened and did the same thing to the humans that they were ruling over, as a way to make sure that the Greeks were getting properly punished. Once all of the humans were split up, they were forced elsewhere across the world. They were all hurting and aching as they tried to find the people that they had once been connected with. After quite some time, Aphrodite, one of the Greek Gods got together with the other Gods of love, and they all formed Soulmarks. Now, our Soulmarks lead us to those that we love.”

“Are mother and father Soulmates?” Kara asked, remembering every time that she had heard the two of them shouting at each other like they were nemeses. 

“Yes, they are. Even if they do not get along as well as your grandfather and I do. Not everyone loves their Soulmate in the same way. Some people just find their best friends in their Soulmate, some people find their life partners,” the woman explained, putting her hand on the young girl’s back as she sensed her getting upset.

“Does everyone have only one Soulmate?” she asked, her arm immediately flying to her lower arm where her four Soulmarks rested. 

“No, little one,” her grandmother soothed, placing a careful hand on her arm. “You are very special. You have four Soulmates who will love and care for you. Though you must love and care for them just as much as they do for you.”

“What if they don’t love me?” she asked, getting a bit unsure. If all five of them were Soulmates, there had to be a chance that they wouldn’t love her. 

“Kara,” her grandmother sighed, the name making the little girl flinch a bit. The elderly woman took notice of the flinch but chose not to say anything about it. “It is impossible for someone to not love you. Even if they do not want you as a romantic partner, or if you do not want them as a romantic partner, they will love you in a way.”

“Promise?” she asked, holding up her hand with only her pinky finger up. 

“I promise,” her grandmother answered, wrapping her shaky pinky finger around the young girl’s. 

Hitoshi blinked as he woke up, tears pushing out of his eyes and running down his face. It had been so long since he had thought about the memory of his grandmother. 

So much had changed since then, and it was truly the last calm moment that he had had with her. She had passed away almost two weeks later, leaving his grandfather grieving so much that he had passed away a month later. It had been completely world-shattering for him to lose both of his grandparents in such quick succession of each other. They had been his primary caretakers seeing as his parents were rarely ever home. 

He had been six when he had to learn to take care of himself. He had learned how to make breakfast from his grandmother before she passed away and lunch was served at school, so he hadn’t had to worry about either of those. Dinner had been harder, which left him so hungry that his stomach hurt most days. He lost scary amounts of weight until he had been so thin that his teacher called the police on his parents. His home life was thoroughly investigated. He was removed from his home when it had been deemed unsafe, and given to a foster parent that didn’t want another troubled kid. 

He had only lasted there for about three months before he was passed onto the next home. He spent the next three years being moved from home to home to home, never finding anyone that wanted to keep a malnourished, ‘freak’ of a kid. Having that happen only made his already existing anxiety ten times worse. He had been nine when he realized that the reason that he kept getting passed around was the fact that he had four Soulmarks on his arm. Another reason was that he had started asking to be called Hitoshi instead of Kara as he discovered that he related less and less with the female identity.

When he was ten, he fell into the only foster home that kept him for more than six months. They also fully accepted him when it came to his name and pronouns. They had even gone so far as to ask the school he was attending to call him by his preferred name and pronouns as well. They didn’t have any other foster kids, so they paid a lot of their attention to him. 

When he was twelve, he was diagnosed with PTSD from the trauma he had experienced when he was six and began to go to therapy. That same year, the couple that was fostering him adopted him. Just as his thoughts traveled to the couple that he now called his dads, one of them knocked on his door.

“Hitoshi, get up,” Shouta called out, his voice just as tired and put out as he felt. The purple-haired boy groaned just loud enough that his adoptive father could hear him as he pushed himself off of his bed. He paused, waiting for the tell-tale sounds of footsteps walking away from his bedroom door. Once he heard them he shed his night clothes and grabbed his new school uniform. He was still disgruntled from the more than vivid dream that he had had, meaning that it was harder to get his binder to fit than it was on most days. 

He stumbled out of his room almost ten minutes later, finally dressed into the uniform for the high school that he was going to be attending. It was early in the morning, earlier than most students would be up on their first day of school. He had to go to the school with his adoptive dads, who both taught there. “Remember to take your meds,” Hizashi called from where he was sitting at the table. 

“Yeah,” Hitoshi mumbled as he walked across the tiny hall to the bathroom. He opened the cupboard, pulling out the small prescription bottle. The pills were tiny, making it easy for him to swallow even on days where he woke up feeling so anxious that his throat closed off. His stomach rolled a bit as he grabbed one of the pills out of the bottle. The thought of having to eat or drink anything was incredibly unappealing, but he knew that everything would be ten times more awful if he didn’t take the meds. He took a deep breath, soothing himself a bit before he tossed his head back and forced the entire mouthful of water down his throat with the pill. 

He shuffled back to the kitchen, rubbing his throat as he tried to soothe himself. Both of his adoptive fathers sat at the table, Shouta having his morning cup of coffee that he always needed to fully wake up. “You ready for your first day of school?” Hizashi asked, looking away from where he been staring at his husband. 

“Not really,” he sighed, sitting down at the only other seat at the table. He reached behind him, stretching a bit to grab the fidget cube that he had on the bookcase by the wall. His hands fell into his lap as he began to play with it.

“What are you worried about?” Shouta asked, peeking out at him from over his coffee cup. “With both of us working there it’s not like you’ll get bullied like you did in middle school. We’ll make damn sure of that.”

“Shouta, swearing, You should get out of that habit before we start teaching again,” Hizashi huffed, looking at his husband for a minute before he turned back to adoptive son. “Middle school is really the worst part of everyone’s life, everything gets a little bit better in high school.”

“Dad, I get that you’re trying to help, but the kids kind of a had a reason for bullying me. No one has four Soulmates, it’s weird.”

“Not really. Having a weird set of Soulmates is pretty much normal at this school. One of your other teachers has two Soulmates who aren’t Soulmates with each other, just with him. Having several Soulmates isn’t weird, you’re just special,” Shouta rambled, staring down into the dark brown liquid that filled his mug.

“Okay. Whatever. I still have to go to school regardless of whether or not I want to,” he sighed, rolling his eyes a bit. He tugged on his sleeves, trying to hide the marks that peaked out of the bottom of his uniform. 

He had four Soulmarks, one of which was planted so low on his arm that it peeked out from underneath his sleeve. The one at the top was an intricate yellow monkey. The one underneath it was a white glove, and then a pink horn. The one on his wrist was a silver engine. He had spent a lot of sleepless night staring at them, wondering who might be looking at the same Soulmarks, wondering why they had been blessed with four Soulmates instead of the normal one. As he waited for his fathers to say that it was time to go, his mind strayed to what kind of people his Soulmates would be. 

The yellow monkey, would they be joyous and playful? Would they have blond hair? Would they be the class clown, or would they be the prankster?

The white glove, would they be rich? Or would they be deaf? Would they love Winter when they got to wear gloves? Or would they work in a garden?

The pink horn, would they like animals? Did they even like the color pink? Were they bullheaded? Or maybe they were aggressive?

The silver engine, were they rich? Or were they a mechanic? Would they smell like gasoline and oil? Would they be brilliant? Or would they be a burly man who was only good for moving heavy things?

Those were only some of the questions that had raced through his mind during his sleepless, fidgeting nights spent worrying. But there was always one that terrified him more than anything.

Would they accept him for being trans?

Follow the link to read the rest of it on Archive!

[the-queer-look]

Queer Uber Fund

Name: Gloria Demillo Age: 25 Location: Melbourne Occupation: Digital Copywriter/Poet Sexual Orientation: Pansexual Gender: Non-Binary

I used to really care about how I presented, especially in the workplace because I work in both a corporate environment, and in art spaces, people expect you to look a certain way if your gender is a certain way. Sometimes I think people expect me to be more masc, which I find strange in art spaces, I said I was Non-Binary, not that I was masc y’know? People will send me audition callouts for acting with “identifies as trans-masc” on them which is always weird. Honestly I just wear what I feel comfortable in, or for the weather, which is a statement in and of itself. Before I realised I was non-binary it was very performative – I really did dress for other people, or how they perceive me, or how I want them to perceive me. But now I just don’t care, as long as they perceive me as hot.

I’ve always had a feeling about not being straight, but I’ve never had the language for it because I grew up in a very conservative christian church. It was like “gay is bad” but all of the language around it was centred on men, with nothing to say about women being with women, or both. Like… what’s the grey area there? I was raised and socialised as a woman so… was this only a male centric sin? I started to have a language for it at uni, which helped because I found ways to discuss something I’d always felt, but didn’t know how to explain. When I look back at my childhood and how I expressed myself it just… makes sense. I had this favourite shirt, just a really dark shirt with a lion on it, and I’d always wear it with these little pink shoes with pom poms on it, and that aesthetic of really daggy clothes with really nice shoes is really the modern queer aesthetic.

It was mid 2019 when I realised I was non-binary and then I came out in October of that year, but there was such a long process. I was thinking about gender in uni, and then when I was experimenting more with how I presented myself and letting go of a lot of the ways in which I was socialised to behave. Being socialised as a woman was really violent for me – I don’t know how else to describe it – I had a lot of expectations put on me about my body, and how I should act, and how I should be in relationships, and when I was dealing with all of that gender stuff, it was very freeing to no longer have to live up to this arbitrary standard that was forced upon me. It was also much easier for me to talk about it because I was surrounded by so many lovely trans and non-binary friends, but of course talking to my cis friends about it was very… ugh...

I think when I found the language for my sexuality not much changed in the way I presented myself, it wasn’t until I found the language to express my gender as non-binary that there was a change in the way I thought about myself and how I was being perceived my relationship with my body. I really felt it, It was such a different transformation, I was so genuinely happier in my body, and stopped caring about how other people perceived me, and whether or not my presentation made sense to other people. I’ve stopped wearing clothes that are really tight. I don’t know why, but everything I had before coming out about being non-binary was very tight, very fitted, and now everything is very loose and flowy. It isn’t that I don’t like my body, I love my body, but now mostly what I wear is loose and billowy and doesn’t hug me so tightly.

To me the term Queer encompasses a description of my gender and sexuality that isn’t just one thing because its such a broad label. The way it was introduced to me was like a very radical and subversive way to refer to ones gender and sexuality, and I love that it’s been reclaimed by the community as a whole, though I completely understand those parts of the community that are uncomfortable with the term being used at all due to the way it was used in derogatory ways for so long, especially when used by persons outside the community. I’m sure that there’s going to be a generation coming up that will have no negative associations with that word, in the same way that I have younger queer friends that refer to each other using the F slur as a term of endearment, when I wouldn’t use it with most people.

I’ve always had a lot of queer friends, but I don’t think I started going to a lot of queer specific parties until the last three or for years. Queer events too, drag shows, musicians, poets and artists and other queer specific events. It hit a point where I just didn’t want to go to another straight club. They don’t feel safe, and I cannot just sit there and listen to another Ed Sheeran or Drake song when I want to dance y’know? I’m not a huge fan of the fact that queer events always focus around a party or something, I just want a quiet queer event like a queer book club or something. I’m going to join a queer climbing club or something, just be more involved.

I love being around other queer people, but there’s also a lot of racists around. Just because the event is queer does not mean the event is safe. You’d think that we would have dealt with intersectionality by now. Genderqueer people are more aware because we live on the margins of society and have for like… ever. But I find it really frustrating when people create queer events that aren’t accessible – people with different sensory needs, comfortable for people of colour, accessible for people with physical difficulties etc. I remember the first time I went to a queer club event with a quiet room and I lost my mind, like I wanna be at the club for six hours, but I want to sit down and have a break with just a little noise for a while y’know? It was so beautiful and safe.

K: What challenges do you see still facing the queer community today? Gloria: Racism

There are so many things, being trans-non-binary and a POC I get to see it all but like. People within the community that just straight up hate trans people? The phobia is coming from inside the house! Unlearn that shit queers! Some people in the community get rights? Like they can get married, get recognised, and then they turn around and say “us? we’re the good gays” shut the fuck up. Yeah, internalised phobias within the community? We need to unlearn that as a group, that’s a group effort.

Racism, ablism etc, we need to get rid of those because intersectionality is a thing. I also think that there’s so many laws that are trying to literally kill people in the community so like… I don’t know if we need to crowd fund some community lawyers or something, but we need to get some protections from these people who are out here doing their most to keep us down. I also think that cishet people really need to do better, even the ones that say they’re all about allyship will say that they’re on your side and then take you right to a straight club and like hey, what’re we doing here? I think cishet people don’t understand that there are certain spaces that, for non cishet people, are just inherently unsafe y’know? There isn’t any thought as to how their queer friends are safe going somewhere, or how they’re presenting is safe. When cishet people come into spaces that are meant for queer people yeah it’s just a party and a grand old time, but queer people don’t have that same privilege or concept of space y’know? At a straight club I could just disappear because some homophobe clocks me as queer and has a problem and what would y’all do about that? Cishet people walk around like life is this RPG that they’ve unlocked all parts of, and are free to go anywhere, and just don’t realise that there are places that they perceive as totally safe that are completely unsafe for any queer person to be in. We can’t even go to certain countries? We can’t live in certain suburbs of Sydney! People get bashed in fucking Newtown for being gay. Cishet people, especially if you say you’re an ally, or go into our spaces to have fun, why don’t you take a few seconds to think about the safety of your queer friends? Why don’t you pay for our Ubers and shit, make sure we get home? don’t just text me “are you home safe?” be about it!

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[lifeofroos]

Part 11. Still Hades. Shoutout to this background music generator. 

In short: Nico gets therapy from Dionysus. The rest is here. 

This might be crazy - part 11: Sweet Iced Tea

I wasn’t going to sleep tonight, I could feel it. Instead, I got up, grabbed a juice box from my closet and shadow travelled out of my cabin, to the Big House. A few minutes later, I was at Denny’s with Dionysus. 

‘I thought it would be a good idea to make use of this time instead of just laying in my bed and thinking about tomorrow.’

‘Yeah, sure, but there is a tomorrow for me as well. A tomorrow in a very busy camp filled with teenagers.’

‘I mean, we don’t have to…’

‘Yes, we do. You want to talk right now, and there are important things for you to talk about.’

‘Hades.’

‘Yes, Hades.’ 

‘Can I just begin?’

‘If you feel like you know what to talk about, you can begin.’

‘Than I will not hold you up,’ Mary, our regular server, piped in. She put down a sweet tea, winked and dashed back to the counter. I looked at my sweet tea and took a breather. Alright. I got this. ‘So, last time… last time we got to the point where I actually had to live with my dad. And how he… was not the nicest to me.’

‘Yes. We talked about that.’ 

‘Yes. I also told you he… told me he had wanted Bianca to survive, rather than me.’ So. That. ‘But… I do not think he fully meant it. I think he was grieving, or disappointed because he thought his plan to let his children save the day could not go through. He…’ I bit my lip. ‘He… he definitely wanted that last thing. He even locked Percy Jackson into a dungeon in his palace, because he wanted me to get up and do what Percy was slated to do. That…’ 

‘Telling you that he would rather have Bianca survive than you is unacceptable, no matter what he was feeling or what his intentions were. I already said that last time. Even if he did want one of his kids to succeed so that they would be respected, he could have done that by actually training you instead of releasing you from the Lotus hotel when he thought your time was ripe to be useful. And locking Percy Jackson in a dungeon, no matter how attractive, is also a terrible way of solving things.’

I thought about that. ‘Yes. But, at some point during those months I was there, he seemed to… comply with the fact that I was what he had. He, and Persephone…’ Oh, man, Persephone. Help me gods. ‘And… and Demeter, she was also there… at some point, they decided to listen to me and helped with defeating the army attacking Olympus while the other gods were off fighting Typhon. That.’ I looked at the table. ‘I mean to say that he began to listen to me. After the war, I got my own cabin in camp Half-blood and the other campers began to accept me, but I was still not in camp very often. Some of the time, I was in camp Jupiter and sometimes in the Underworld. The contact with my father… became less as when I lived in the Underworld for an entire year, of course, but we kept it up. Now, I am in camp half-blood more often, but I still go to the Underworld now and then. Sometimes it goes well, sometimes not. He… Hades… he gave me a French taxi-driver. He is dead. The taxi driver. I… don’t know if that means anything.’

‘He did not coach you more? About your powers, or just as a father?’ 

‘No. I think he is trying to be a better dad now, but he is not really sure how to do that. But…’ I shrugged and took a long sip of iced tea. Dionysus took a moment to think about what had been said. ‘Do you want to forgive him for how he treated you?’

‘I don’t know.’ I have been defending him and I would actually like a relationship with my father, but...

‘Nico, whether you forgive him or not is completely up to you. I won’t tell you how I feel about the situation. As long as he does not hurt you anymore and if you really think he changed his ways, or at least tries to do so… it’s up to you.’

Hm. This was one of those moments where it would have been easy if he had done all of that thinking for me. Alas, I nodded. ‘I’ll have to think about that some more.’

‘Take all the time you need. It is not something you need to rush to a conclusion for.’ 

‘No. Until that time, I… I just mentioned Persephone. I want to say something about her as well, now that I am talking anyway.’

Dionysus nodded. ‘That’s okay if you want to.’ 

I swallowed. The talking was more difficult this time than it had been last time, even if what we were saying had mostly been said before. ‘I don’t know when Persephone learned that we existed, but when she did, she ignored me until I was moved into the palace and she simply could not do that anymore. Which, can I give her credit for that?’ It seemed weird, giving someone credit for ignoring me. But it was better than being hunted down. 

‘I wish I could say you could not.’

I showed him a small smile. ‘Well, I am. While I was living in the Underworld… she still ignored me. From the few words she did say to me, I could make up that she did not like me, but she accepted that I was in the palace. She was not going to punish me for what my father did. That, or she was afraid that he would get angry if she tried to touch me.’ I looked at my cup.

‘I could not tell you which one of those is true, but I can tell you that Persephone was never a harsh stepmother,’ Dionysus filled in. 

‘Hm. In the time after the titan war, she did once get fed up with my presence in the Underworld, so she changed me into a dandelion.’ He was trying not to laugh. I was telling about my trauma and he was trying not to laugh. ‘Hades found out quite soon and ordered her to change me back. Afterwards, she did give me the pomegranate seeds that saved my life while I was in the jar that the twin giants put me in. I think they were meant as a make up gift, and at first I thought it was worthless, but boy.’ A few loud-talking people passed the restaurant. I looked over my shoulder until they were gone. ‘So, it might seem like Hades and Persephone are kind of… they both try. Hades to sort-of be a good parental figure and Persephone to accept me, or at least not make my life more difficult. But both…’

‘It is the same thing as I said before. They are both trying now, and it is up to you if you accept that or if you find that it is too little, too late. But it does not erase the fact that they hurt you in some way. In order to really work through that, you’ll have to talk to them as well.’ 

‘... Alright. But…’

My sentence was cut off by a herd of drunken twenty-somethings hurdling into the Denny’s. I turned around so I could take a look. A few of them were laughing, one was crying and what seemed to be the least drunk guy of the bunch winked at Mary. ‘A stack of three waffles for each of the boys, please.’ Mary sighed. ‘Coming right up. What kind of toppings do you want?’ 

‘Nothing but you, darling.’ He winked again and I cringed. That almost physically hurt. 

Mary was completely unfazed by it. ‘Alright, that will be six plain waffles. Do you want anything to drink with that?’

‘Nothing but your…’

‘Alright, alright, I know you can go on for the entire night, but that is more, more than enough.’ Dionysus stood up and walked towards the herd of drunken men. The ‘leader’ looked at him from head to toe. ‘And who do you think…’

‘Actually your lord and savior, seeing how you are drunk in a Denny’s at the moment, but I really wish I wasn’t.’

‘My… what?’ The guy was just drunk enough to get confused by that statement, it seemed. 

‘I’ll give you this.’ Dionysus tapped the guy on his forehead. His pupils grew creepily wide. ‘You go to the door.  You’ll just wait outside, aghast, until your friends have finished their waffles.  Then, you will never be able to find this place again. Your pals will know about the restaurant, but you won’t. You’ll never know what they are talking about and it might make your mind break in the future - who knows!.’ He twirled the guy around and pushed him in the back, towards the door. ‘Now leave.’ The guy left without a look around. 

Mary arched her brow. ‘I assume that is just five stacks of waffles, then.’ Dionysus smiled at her. She rolled her eyes and disappeared to make the waffles. I picked up my iced tea, stood up and walked over to Dionysus. ‘That… I mean…’

‘There are loads of people who make the party scene unsafe for the other party-goers. It is quite literally my job to root those people out. They, again quite literally, ruin my health.’ 

‘Right.’ I drank my sweet tea until there was no more. ‘Is the session over?’

He nodded. ‘Just one more thing: Do you want to talk to Hades?’

‘I’ll have to think about that.’ I put my cup on the counter. ‘But I might.’

‘If you decide that you want to, I’ll make sure you have extra free time.’ 

‘Does Chiron agree to it, then?’

‘Chiron finds it just as important as I and your sunny boyfriend do that you get proper help.’ He gave me a reassuring smile. I nodded, after which I yawned. ‘Alright.’

‘Good, then we can go back. But first…’ he pointed at the waffle makers. The next moment, five plates with plain waffles were standing on the counter. 

Mary came walking back, with her eyebrows raised. ‘That’s special.’ She looked at Dionysus. ‘Well, thanks.’ In reaction, he put a fifty dollar bill on the counter. 

‘No, you thanks. For letting us sit here, for serving us and for putting up with scum like that.’ Mary looked at the money. Then she smiled the warmest smile I had seen from her yet. ‘I am really, truly glad to be doing it.’ She waved us goodbye, while Dionysus transported us back to camp. 

A/N: next chapter, he won’t be talking about, but with Hades. Thanks to Rickandrowling28 for that idea! I also hope I did not skip anything that happened between Hades and Nico. Fandom wiki had been a real help, but it does not erase the fact that it is at least three years ago that I read the books (I got the first one from a friend on my fourteenth birthday and binge read the rest in three weeks or so after that).

[ttopswordvomit]

anger

march 25th, 2021. @ sonic.

This isn’t going to be super well written because I could edit it and edit it until I die, but I have decided not to care. I’m sitting here cross legged in my car at Sonic. It’s 9:42 on a Thursday and I’m just sitting here eating a Reese’s blast. I needed to leave my apt or else I was going to go to bed at 10 pm and this would all carry to tomorrow. No matter how bad I didn’t want to deal with it. 

I’ve had that feeling all day. Where the day isn’t really bad, I’m doing things that are good for me, but there’s that thing sitting in the corner. Festering so slowly and quietly that I don’t even fully know it’s there. 

It’s been hard to focus on work today. Maybe that was my sign that something needed my attention. Even now, I still haven’t cracked. Crying and shit. I think it’s because I don’t feel sorry for myself? I’m not just. Desperately sad. Maybe that means I’m numbed out. Which happens a lot so probably. 

I didn’t know what to do with this feeling. So what else is there to do but to push on and make the best of it? I wish I could describe the tangle of feelings that happens. I look at it and I only barely know it’s there. Much less what the hell is going on inside of it. 

I’m afraid of explaining all of this to Michelle. How do I summarize this feeling when I don’t even really know what it is? And I’m afraid that once we figure it out it won’t feel as big as it does. Like it’ll be chalked up to the things I can’t change. To the things I’ve been working on, that I should know by now. I’m afraid it’ll be dismissed. Maybe I’ve felt dismissed before. 

I feel like this hurts a lot. Like I’m not ready to have conversations or look it in its ugly face. I’m not ready to do the hard things it’ll require.

It scares me. 

It scares me because I know it’s going to hurt. And peace feels so far away. And especially now that I have a deadline to talk to my mother by... I feel so scared. Like it’ll never happen. Like I can’t possibly do it no matter how much I’ve told myself I can do it. No matter how much work I’ve done towards it. 

And this shit I’m avoiding.. it hits hard because it is so painful to know how absent my mother is. Realizing that the other day felt agonizing. The weight of it is heavy. And it makes me realize just how abandoned and alone I feel by my parents in general. It makes me so angry.

I see how far removed, detached, gone my mom is. She glazes over. She does it all the time. And I’m mad at her for it. I’m mad at myself for being mad at her for it, because I know it’s just her coping mechanism. That’s how she deals with things. I understand that. But it hurts me, and I can’t seem to ignore that yet. Because her coping skill leaves me standing by myself. 

It leaves me alone. Alone to deal with my feelings that I don’t even understand myself. 

I’m angry that she gets to just check out. Especially when I lived at home, I felt such a burden to deal with everything she chose not to. She used me to numb out. To pretend things were good. She used me emotionally to escape the pain of her divorce. And when that happened, I feel like I dealt with that pain alone. I couldn’t go to my mom. Not when I was carrying her weight. My sisters were all on different pages so that felt unsafe. I didn’t know how to talk to my dad yet. I suppose there wasn’t really a choice but to deal and move on. I kept going to school, I tried to pick up help around the house and with Stephen. My mom had never done the independent mom thing. She suddenly had a house to take care of all by herself. And me and Stephen. So I picked up the slack the best I could I guess. But that sort of backfired when I offered myself up as an emotional punching bag. My bad. 

I’m angry at my dad too. Because his physical abandonment hurts too. I’m glad he’s happy, I really am, but god. He’s so far away. He’s so far removed from the situation with my brother. He lives a totally different life. I don’t even know if he’ll be at my graduation and I’m assuming not frankly, because how weird would that be. Plus he hasn’t flown down here in over a year. That’s another thing. He’s good with me flying down there any time but he won’t come down here? I get it with Covid but. Damn. Why can’t he come see my sisters when he’s seen me way more this past year? They’re mad at him for it and I’d say they’re right for that. It’s shitty to not come see your other kids when you’ve seen me so much. I have the luxury of coming to California, they don’t. They have families and jobs. God I hate being in the middle of shit. And I always am. Curse the 9 in me. To see both sides and peacemake, and to be left alone in the middle with nothing. A curse and a blessing.

I think I’ll always be hurt by my dad’s distance. We miss out on the time we used to spend together. And it was a lot. Seeing movies, going out to eat, hanging out in general. He couldn’t come to my band concerts anymore. I don’t know what I wish for here. Maybe that he’d stayed a little longer? But I know he’s happy. So I don’t know. I guess it’s just always a little sad. Perhaps the way he left too was hurtful. One day I came home and he didn’t live there anymore. And from there he got farther and farther away. 

My parents are gone in their own ways. So far removed from the realities that neither of them can stand to look in the face. And I’m mad at them for it. Because look at my brother. He needs help more than ever and what do they do? My mom pretends it’s not as literally life threatening as it is. Her dissociation from reality puts all of us in danger, even though I believe she’s a good mom at heart. She approaches no situation with the gravity it deserves because she pretends it doesn’t possess that gravity. It’s dangerous. And my dad? Bottom line, he’s not here to do anything. He can say all he wants over the phone to my mom but she won’t listen. However it seems that as of recent his best advice is to “keep trying” and encouraging her. Which I guess is good in a way if she won’t take his suggestions. Idk. I won’t ever really know the truth of their private conversations. My brother won’t answer his phone for anyone, especially not my dad. So what’s he to do if he’s so many miles away? Which I still can’t excuse to a degree. Stephen is still his son. I get how hard it is to have any impact from that far away with a mom that won’t really listen, but damn, that’s your son. 

I’m just angry. Angry and hurt. There are so many repercussions from their far removed ways, and I feel so frustrated that my efforts to change that don’t even hold weight. I feel like I’m sitting on an island watching a fire burn in the distance. I feel abandoned and disregarded. Powerless. Pained. I can’t imagine how Stephen feels. And I’m so worried for him. I’m worried for my mom too. I genuinely want her to be happy. But the chaos she allows could get her hurt. And hell, I’m mad at her for allowing that. I want to scream at her to wake up, to care about herself and about her family. But she’s so wrapped up in her own misery that she dissociates and walks through life that way. Just getting by.

And for no reason at all, I can’t help but to think back to all the times I needed help emotionally. Especially in high school when I was so stressed and taking on too much. I would have a breakdown and if, god forbid, one of my parents saw it, they’d hug me and comfort me. But god. I wish they’d told me to drop an AP class or something. Told me to not overwork myself so hard. Instead it felt like... they just sat with me maybe like a friend would? But more removed than that. More distant. My dad would try to make light of it too fast. My mom would be so confused by my crying and try to offer solutions but. Something was missing. And I think it’s the fact that I needed some sort of... parent intervention? Some sort of reassurance that the number of AP classes I took didn’t define me. Or that my mental well-being was more important. I wish for those sort of lessons back then.

Writing has been relieving. Something about it untangles that web of feelings for me. It puts names to them and allows me to explore where they come from and what they look like for me. Maybe will try to emotionally release later, lol. Still sort of numb in that department, but thanks for listening. 

[princesstadashi]

hope this isnt too many: 3 5 9 12 17 18 20 29 31 52 68 96 (also dont mind the recent follow notif i accidentally hit unfollow instead of ask at first)

Sorry for the delay in answer, I usually wait to reply to longer asks until I get home and have my keyboard instead of trying to type on my tiny phone screen!!! But I LOVE long asks so here we go!!!! :D

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? I’m actually pretty good at remembering where I am in a book so I can open and shut a book and find my place pretty quickly so I’m not super committed to bookmarks, but probably the inside of the dust cover if I have one of those on the book and want to find my place easily! Otherwise if I’m just being momentarily distracted I’ll use my finger, a wrapper, whatever’s around me and won’t stain the book XD

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? Yeah, a bit. Mostly because if I just smile naturally in pictures my eyes get all squinty so I try to have a more relaxed smile in cosplay pictures but it doesn’t always work--sometimes I’ll have one normal eye and one squinty eye and it drives me crazy...

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? Oh hell yeah! I will go to town in my car singing along to the music that’s playing :) (I even tend to start dancing a bit but not enough that it makes it unsafe to drive XD) I tend to not sing around other people because I’m self conscious about my voice (a “friend” in high school destroyed my confidence in my voice) but if I really trust someone I’ll sing in the car with them ^^

12: what’s your favorite planet? NEPTUNE!!!!!

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? Fluttershy pink ^^

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. The time me and my space fam went to our first Rebel Legion Christmas party and we played Cards Against Humanity and everyone was FLABBERGASTED by the cards I put down (they were nsfw) and now I have a very well known “it’s always the quiet ones” rep in the local legion XD

20: what’s your favorite eye color? BROWN. So pretty and warm!!!!! <3 But honestly all eye colors are beautiful and I have had my breath taken away by so many pretty eyes :) 

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? My friends are fucking amazing so I have so many things but I also don’t want to say anything too personal so hm... The way my space dad is always happy to cuddle with me, it feels really nice and comforting and honestly I’m so touch starved most of the time that I need all the cuddles I can get! :) And the way my best friend is always as excited as me to spend whatever time we can with each other even though we live so far apart, we’ve started streaming more so we can hear each other’s voices and it feels like we’re kind of there with each other even if we can’t physically be together and honestly I just love her so much she is perfect and so sweet and I don’t know what I’d do without her she is the freaking best and I am so, so lucky to have her in my life <3 

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. So I generally don’t like socks unless they’re stretchy socks that I can barely feel having on and FUCK wearing socks without shoes, no thank you!!!! (I just don’t like having shit on my feet if I don’t have to :P) Most of my socks are really random fandom/novelty socks that I’ve gotten as presents (I can’t remember the last time I had to buy socks, I get a LOT of socks for Christmas somehow) and since I wear boots most of the time I can get away with them at work XD Also I love knee socks--best type of socks!!!

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? Oh jeez, I can’t even remember what’s all happened this year ^^; I’m gonna go with Baby Yoda and Destiel (even though I don’t watch Supernatural XD)

68: what’s winter like where you live? Cold and windy and rainy. I hate the cold so I spend most of my time curled up in my room with a heating pad with the space heater going since the people who own the house like things cold even in winter ^^; 

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? Oh shit, I am sooooooo bad about updates, I will procrastinate forever on them ^^;

[overwatch-imagines-hub]

I've been having a difficult time with my family, and have started notice that they aren't exactly.. Good people per second, at least for me. As a result, I've been trying to distance myself from them, especially my brother, but it's been really hard on me. I know it's an oddly specific request, but can you maybe write about how Zenyatta, Genji, Tracer, and maybe Baptiste (if you're okay with requests for him) might support their s/O through this? Thank you 💜

Hey, Anon, I really hope you’re doing better lately! I definitely get what you’re going through. Sometimes people are capable of working through those things, which is great if you can manage that (and I highly recommend that route if you haven’t tried it), but there situations where working things out just doesn’t… work. so important, because without that stuff there really is no you, and you should do what you need to do to reach that good headspace.

Anyway, I hope you’re doing alright and I wish you luck on your endeavors! Sorry this piece is so late because I apparently missed it when I was purging my ask box and moving things to my drafts. I’d love to hear an update and make sure everything’s okay!

Also, fun fact: I tried to do a read more break after Zenyatta’s section but the post’s formatting got weird on me, so I guess here’s an extended post without a break. Lemme know if this is the length of post that could have used a read more break, or if that should be reserved for longer ones.

Tip Jar

~~~

Zenyatta

His first suggestion is to try working it out with your family before making any drastic decisions

If there’s a way to come to some sort of understanding (family therapy, for example), or be able to change their toxic mindset, that’s the first path he’d try to help you take

However, if you’d already tried that, or the effort would be fruitless, he’d fully support you in doing whatever you need to do to better your own life

He understands how difficult it is to distance yourself from people who surrounded you your entire life

Constant gentle encouragement and reminding that you need to do what’s best for you

He invites you to either live and/or work at his sanctuary home or join him on your travels to both help yourself gain some distance but also to take some time to refresh your body and mind in a positive environment

Meditation, exercise, and healthy work to keep the bad thoughts away

At the same time, he often checks in with you to see how you’re doing and is always willing to listen and talk through your problems when you’re having a hard time

During your travels with Zen, should you choose to join him, he helps you explore communities and people to see if there’s one you fancy and would like to settle there

However, if you’d like to simply stay with him, he’d be happy to let you

Considering this something he does as work already, and he cares about you, he’ll support you on your journey anyway he can

Genji Shimada

His method is very similar to Zen’s

However, as someone who was forced to leave a toxic household (y’know, on account of basically d y i n g), he’s surprisingly not as keen on telling you to try and work things out first

In the beginning, offers to take you traveling with him in order to both clear your head and put some space between you and your family

Helps you talk through the situation in a calm and thought-out manner, to make a mind-map of sorts about not only the situation and how your realization came to be, but also your options on how to deal with it

Works everything out with you every step of the way and tries to keep things from getting overwhelming

Might even share some of his own past experiences with you as a way of meeting the situation on equal ground

Offers advice and suggestions when you ask him for them, but never tries to control your final decision on things

Does his best to make sure that the situation at hand doesn’t overtake the rest of your life

AKA date nights and break-times and fun things included

He did something similar and became stronger for it

He considers you ten times braver than him, so he knows you can do it too

He has absolute faith in you

Tracer

Having issues with the bloodline squad? No problem, she’s got you

If you life with any of the toxic family, she’ll give you her bed and sleep on the couch

There for all your talking/ranting needs

Despite herself, Lena’s probably one of the best listeners around

Hangs on to every detail

She’s also the best at the ‘put a pin in it, let’s chill’ method

When you go to talk to her and start getting overwhelmed or worked up, she puts a pause in the chat with a sweet ‘Alright, love, time for a break and we’ll come back to that’

The ways she helps you relax and regroup can very from just snuggling and random chatting for a bit in the same place the two of you have been sitting the entire time

To ordering some food and a special dessert (your favorite) and turning on some dumb TV

To ‘hey, a new arcade opened up a couple days ago in town, let’s go have fun for a spell’

Eventually always coming back to the situation at hand and talking it out, though

If you’re okay with it, she also probably talks to her older/more experienced peers about the situation and what they would suggest you do

Probably does a lot of research on such subjects so she can properly help you

Whatever you need, she’s ready to help; whether that be walking with you because you have to pass by a relative’s home or work place, or being there if you decide to go as far as changing your number, or giving you a place to stay if you don’t have to be alone during such a difficult time

Jean-Baptiste

His first action is to take your mind of things and help you cheer up and relax a bit

This probably means sweeping you away on one of his travels and pampering the shit out of you

I imagine anyone dating him just kinda periodically travels with him as is because he’s a traveling medic and all

The special part is taking you to the most fun and coziest local spots and pulling out all the dorky moves until you’re giggling a little too loud in the nice diner

Eventually there will be a serious chat about the situation

He’ll ask you for details (mainly why your family’s toxic) and try to help you make a plan on how to deal with the situation

Realistically, depending on where you live, you won’t be able to avoid your family completely unless you wanted to pack up and move someplace new

Not that he’s against that, if that’s what you’re going for; that just adds a whole different level to the situation

If you live with family, he’ll set up his traveling clinic nearby so you can stay with him until you find a place of your own

Or, if you do feel like moving would be a good change of pace, and you’d be interested in helping at said traveling clinic, Jean definitely wouldn’t be opposed to having an assistant

Especially a cute one

Also he’d have to train you but he’s down

Anyway

He’s a reasonably blunt dude, so he probably suggests straight-up letting your family members know that you’re wanting to go your own way

“And if they get pushy, they can die mad.”

But if you’ve already tried that, or feel like you’re in an unsafe environment to do so, he helps you safely plan a way out

[joshlistens]

I wrote fiction for the first time in forever.

This one’s for you, @bace-jeleren.

Characters featured include Bace’s fanwalkers Megumi and Grii, as well as the debut of my fanwalker, Gozha. Megumi and Grii appear with permission. Thanks to Bace for being an inspiring figure in the M:tG Tumblr community.

TW: physical violence (not on Megumi). Grii gets a little bit of her Grii on when she meets Gozha.

Duets

Gozha smiled in a way that he hoped was reassuring. “Look, I know my request seems ridiculous—”

“It is dramatically unsafe, sir—”

“—and it may seem like a rather prosaic, proletarian, possibly even precocious use of your pyromantic prowess—”

“We don’t want to choose how people worship, sir, but this is just—”

“—but I came all this way—”

“The distance you’ve travelled is immaterial, sir—”

“—and I would really quite like to eat these deliciously spicy peppers while they are infused with elemental flame.”

The Regathan monk stared at him.

“And stuffed with this cheese I acquired from a terrific little town near Jhessia.”

The monk still stared.

“Pyromantic peppers. It’s the obvious next step in hot food. You could make it a business." 

Silence.

"I’m prepared to make a very large donation to your temple if you allow this hagiography to heat.”

The monk thought for a moment, then stepped back. "Please, come in. I suppose if nothing else, the Abbess may be entertained by your request.”

“Thank you so much!” Gozha beamed, and proceeded into the hall. Good. There was always a chance the holy types would see his horns, red eyes, lavender skin, and generally demonic countenance and take it as an opportunity for some smiting. He hated that. He’d spent more than thirty years as a fencer and duelist in Valor’s Reach before becoming a commentator and journalist on the sport, while his clerical opponents had usually spent about two or three years across the piste from a training dummy. It’s never fun when the “demon” wins. 

“Sir, are you alright? You keep scratching at those scars.”

“No, I’m fine. You’ve got quite the calm countenance, though. I usually unnerve people.”

"We are… used to strangers here at Keral Keep. In fact, there is another visitor who you might be able to help us with. You are azra, yes? From a place called Kylem?”

Gozha’s eyebrows shot up.

“Did it hurt when you lost most of that one horn? I’ve never known someone with horns, or who’d lost one, to ask.”

He paused. “If my mouth still moves after I pop those pyro-peppers, I’ll tell you the tale." 

"Fair enough.” The monk folded his hands within his robes. “I ask because our visitor comes from Kylem, and you might be able to assist her. She is quite young, and in distress.”

“… Are you alright? I look like several people fought me for their souls and won. I’m not the type to have cherished children in my charge.”

"Well, if I may—you have traveled across many different realms solely for the experience of putting peppers infused with literal, actual fire in your mouth. You have more dueling scars than I have summers, you have more gray hair than I have hair, you are clearly far too busy to shave, and if the way you move is any indication you are either a swordsman or a dancer of some skill.”

“What if I’m both?” Gozha grinned.

“Then I will begin developing my powers of prophecy as well as pyromancy. Regardless. You remind me of the Abbess in many ways. You’ve got a reassuring way about you, despite,” he waved at Gozha, “all this." 

Before he could ask what that meant, the monk continued. "Anyway, our charge is here in the mess hall, and hopefully calm. I’ll leave you to her and go ask after the Abbess.”

“What’s your name, by the by? I’m Gozha.”

The monk smiled beatifically. “I’ve learned not to give my name to your type. Your enemies tend to follow you, and I don’t need more ruckus.” He moved off down the hall.

The duelist watched the monk proceed through shaft after shaft of light from the windows, finally at a loss. 

“Excuse me mister, are you from Ky—GOZHA!”

A tiny soratami cannonball launched itself into his legs. Gozha was nearly bowled over by the impact.

“Hey… you!” he grinned, as he desperately tried to recognize the child he found himself hugging. “It’s great to greet you! How’ve you been?”

He had misjudged—she wasn’t happy, she was sniffling and crying. That wasn’t a happiness cannonball, that was a comfort-me cannonball. “I can’t go home,” she said. “Can you help me get home?”

“Maybe!” No duets, now. This was serious. He kneeled, brushing her tears away. Black eyes. Where had he seen a soratami child with black eyes before? “Where’s home?”

“You were there! You were there for two whole days one time with Daddy and three other people! You never left the bedroom, though. And there were lots of bottles. And noises. I heard—”

“You heard us having fun, yes, the way consenting adults do,” he hastily interrupted her. “And there were many bottles. I remember now, Megumi. I didn’t know you could planeswalk!" 

She nodded. "Mommy and Daddy took me on lots of trips. But then the one-eyed lady came and almost killed me with her sword… a-and I had to get out.” She twisted the bottom hem of her shirt between her hands. It was stained with tears. “I can’t go home, though. I need to go home. Can you help me?" 

"Well, maybe. I’ll try. Come over here.” He took her hand and led her to one of the mess hall benches. A half-eaten meal sat on a plate nearby.

“Listen carefully, Megumi. When you planeswalk, you have to sort of… aim yourself for where you’re going. It’s not an exact science. Can you do that? Can you aim yourself at home?”

She shook her head. “I’m trying! But every time I try it doesn’t work. And I don’t wanna try again because it’s safe here.” Those big black eyes squinted at him. “You need to shave.”

“… Yeah, you’re Wren’s kid alright.” He rested his chin in his palm and looked at her. “Which means you’re Kuro’s kid. Which means you’ve probably got a plan all worked out, am I right?” He winked.

She nodded happily. “Yup! I’m going to wait here. It’s safe here. And they know what planeswalking is, which means other planeswalkers might come here and help me go home. Like you!" 

"Like me, yes.” He smiled. An awful feeling was brewing in the pit of his stomach. “You’re sure you can’t, kind of… ” He made several small, useless gestures. “… aim yourself? If you think really hard about home, does that work?”

“No.” She scrunched her face up like she was concentrating. “No. She might still be there with her sword. It's too much. I'm too scared.” She looked up at him. “Can you hold my hand?" 

He swallowed hard. "No, Megumi, I’m sorry, I can’t. It doesn’t work that way for me." 

She started crying, as he knew she would. Poor thing. 

"Hey, hey now,” he said, out of his element. “It’ll be okay. It’ll be okay. Here,” he pulled the plate of half-eaten food over, “have some dinner. Food always makes me feel better.” He tried to smile. 

She pushed it away. “I tried that. I don’t like it.” She sniffed. “It’s too spicy." 

He pushed his sudden spark of joy aside. "What does make you feel better?" 

"I like when you do duets,” she murmured, looking up at him. “They’re so clever.”

“Well, what a wonderful wish we have here!” he grinned, his mind racing. “Whereupon a wee wayward wanderer waits and wants for what? A wild wyrd of weird words and wanton whimsy! What fun!”

Megumi giggled. “So many! Aren’t there just supposed to be two at a time?”

He winked again. “Can a blarney bairn blame me for boosting her beautiful bunny-ears with the best benificence my booming baritone can blast?”

She giggled again. “No, she can’t!” Despite himself, he began to understand Wren’s choices a little more.

“I can!”

Gozha spun, which put his jaw in perfect position for the incoming punch. He saw stars and darkness. He heard Megumi scream, but it was cut short by a rush of warm air. 

Someone grabbed his collar, pulled him off the bench, and threw him up against a stone wall. He could feel a foreign fear start to steal through his chest. Terror magic.

“You know, there’s one thing I never understood about you, Gozha,” a snarling female voice said. “Why do you always alliterate?”

“Like that?”

“Shut up.” A single, huge hand gripped his lapels and lifted him several feet in the air. The fear magic was making his vision tunnel – all he could see was one enormous, furious eye and some cheekbones. “Why do you do those irritating ‘duets’? Call and response. Everything’s an alliteration. Like you don’t have anything interesting to say.”

He tried to muscle down on the cold fingers of terror magic working their way through his heart, but they gripped harder, paralyzing him. “Maybe I just don’t want to tell you all the tantalizing tidbits. ,” he said, desperate. “Maybe I save all my curious curios and glorious gossip for when you’re gone." 

"Filthy azra,” she growled, letting go. He collapsed to the ground. He barely felt her enormous boot as it crunched into his ribcage. "Where did she go?”

“The wee wanderer? Whither and whence.” He forced out a tremulous laugh and spat blood. “If you try, I’m sure you’ll trip over her. But I’d rather hinder than help, frankly.”

“I know,” the huge, muscular woman said, crouching down. “You’re Gozha. Washed-up old fencer. A coward. Eking out money writing about the games at Valor’s Reach. Probably living on a pittance in some tenement somewhere. So much for the old glory, huh?” Her voice took on a taunting, terrifying, childish lilt. “Aren’t all planeswalkers supposed to be great wizards? Where’s your magic, huh? What’s your special talent?”

“Swordsmanship and shit-disturbing.” He smiled through the blood starting to cloud his vision and the icy hand on his heart. He could barely see. “You’re wasting time. The wee wanderer’s ‘walked three or four more times by now. Better go catch her. And pray her parents and I don’t fetch you first.”

“Excuse me, did you require the services of Keral Keep in some fashion, or did you wish to continue abusing our guest here?”

The huge woman snarled and stood. “I will kill you!” she growled. “I will kill you in a way that makes your brothers weep to hear your name." Seeing that she was three full heads taller than the monk, she advanced on him. Her smile was a terrifying thing. "What is your—”

She was interrupted by a slim lance of flame that pushed itself through her sternum in the blink of an eye. Gozha hadn’t even seen the monk make a gesture with his hands. The cyclops woman screamed and vanished, with other, fainter screams chasing after her. The icy hand around his heart let go. The lance of flame became smoke. In its place, the air seemed to grow colder, almost biting. 

“I don’t give you people my name,” said the monk. He looked at Gozha. “Are you alright?”

Gozha grunted.“Yes.” He stood. “I spoke with your… guest, before we were interrupted. She left, but she’ll be okay, hopefully soon.”

The monk helped Gozha over to a bench. “That is good to hear." 

"That’s a good trick, with the flame, there. Very quick. I’m impressed.”

“It has proven useful,” said the monk. “It’s easy to get rid of your kind. The first lick of flame, the first hint of true danger, and you vanish, off to somewhere safe.” He eyed Gozha. “But you stayed. Why did you stay?”

"Had to give the little one time,” said Gozha carefully. Cracked ribs ground against his lungs. “I’d never met the big one before, but I know her type. She likes pain and she’s easy to provoke. Keep her talking, give her something to punch or kick, and she’ll take all the time in the world to do it.”

The monk regarded him for a long moment. “I see I was right to compare you to the Abbess.” He stood up. “I’ll make sure a room is prepared for you and a healer ready. The Abbess isn’t here today, but she’ll likely return soon. And by then, we’ll have mastered the proper techniques for imbuing your peppers with Regathan flame.”

Gozha grinned around the blood. “So you won’t refuse my request.”

“It is a ridiculous request.”

“And 'dramatically unsafe’, if I recall.”

“Which means the Abbess should enjoy it a great deal,” said the monk. “Goodnight, Gozha. Meditations begin at six bells tomorrow. I will see you then.”

“Goodnight… ” said Gozha, trailing off. He still didn’t know the monk’s name. Nor, for that matter, where Megumi went.

But he did a good thing today, and he was going to taste those delicious peppers soon. And that would have to be enough for now.

[delicateheartstranger]

March 16, 2020

Dear world,

This has been started actually on the 15th, but since it will take awhile to write out everything I will mark it the 16th. 

So here begins my crappy 2000s movie start of a blog. Unlike the movies where at some point my blog will blow up and my life will take either a turn for the worse or better I have nothing to fear because that was barely realistic even back then. Since I wanna make sure though just in case any chance someone who knows me finds this I will not state my name. I’ll tell ya’ll this, I’m 19 years old and will be 20 in October, I like fandom shit, I’m trans, I’m pan, I wish I could go back and kill baby Hitler so I would never be born and no ww2, I’m in love with one my best friends, I have feelings for a guy I met online that lives in Norway while I’m stuck in the U.S., I suffer from ptsd/depression/anxiety/a fuck ton of just not being mentally stable, live at home with my parents right now, have no job, most of my close friends are toxic, and I have no privacy.

I was at college for a few month, but then a bunch of things happened and I had to drop out. When I came back home my parents I feel resented me a bit for not being stable enough to stay at that college (they loved it and want to send me back) so now my home life became a lot worse. I’m in a php program currently so even if it weren’t for the fact that my parents would rather roll over dead than have me work (earn money to get the fuck out) I can’t get one since most conflict with time. I’m 19 and only ever held one real job because my parents claim the house needs to be clean before I can work. I’m not the only one who lives here, but okay. Also I would make less messes if I wasn’t home. Top it off it’s like “we don’t want you working for other people before you do the work you owe us at home.” They have this whole family first idea, but the thing is I don’t feel a part of the family. They decided I had no say when I was younger when moving far from home, I wasn’t a part of it enough to get attention while my brother was sick, I wasn’t a part of it enough for them not to judge me to the point where I quit lots of things I loved just so they’d stop hurting me, I wasn’t enough a part of it that they would do things for me that would be what “family” does.

So yes I will put myself aka my mental health first because you guys never will. Because of the Corona outbreak my area has been quarantined. It means 2 weeks no school (wasn’t enrolls), no physical php, less people in public, and that good old shit. Thing is now my parents are trying to force my brother who’s off in college to come back home AND not let me see my friends physically while locking me up in our home. The most I can do if I wanna leave is go for a walk for like 30 minutes near our house. I hate walking as it just riles me up ever more and brings back bad memories of my parents forcing me to. They tried super hard when I was younger to walk the fat off me. Worked like a charm, said no one. If anything the many years of fat shaming made me gain weight as they didn’t get me a therapist, didn’t think I was depressed, didn’t let me take meds, and all I had was eating to comfort me. So yeah I’m basically trapped in my own house. I think I may fuck up. I’ve been around a month or two clean of self harm, but I know that will change in these coming weeks if I am forced to stay here alone with my folks and brother.

I usually have passive SI and SH thoughts, but within this weekend I’ve had so many that I was close to acting on them. They’ve gotten to the level of overwhelming that it’s like I’m back in 11th grade again. Which by the way, found out one my few friends from that time tried to MURDER my other friend (who is a bit newer, but still) is living in a house for people with murderous tendencies. So that’s just peachy. Oh another friend from high school has a brain tumor which probably will kill him and it makes me super sad even though we haven’t talked in years. I am currently upset about my life choices of who I made friends with.

My three best friends would be LM, DW, and LL. 

LL is a friend I made in my third high school. He’s kinda going through lots of shit right now. He used to realize that he couldn’t drink and that he could only smoke in small amounts. Now he’s back on his bs. He’s also having unsafe sex with strangers he met on tinder. Now it’s find to fuck around. Go live your best life. But if you are having unsafe sex that’s a problem. He is constantly having pregnancy scares (he’s trans). All of this while on the fact that when he’s not too fucked up he’s like kinda self center. I told him like the other night when he was doing better that I was feeling really down given some shit I got for being fat, but I was fine talking. This man goes ahead and spends the whole time talking about all these stories about himself and doesn’t let me speak for like the whole time. And he was like on this thing about how I need to do something, but he never got there. Don’t tell me how to self improve when you’re in a worse state than me. 

Then there is DW. I’ve been in love with him since middle school. We met at this outside of school after school activity. I fell hard. When I first confessed to him he didn’t really speak to me and avoided me for about a year. Then we became friends again due to weird grouping things at that after school activity. Irony was I was trying to get into the group he wasn’t in so I would lose my feelings. Then after we got close again I confessed my feelings, again. Some how that made us best friends? I mean I’m glad he didn’t cut me off again don’t get me wrong, but it just wasn’t what I was expecting. Now here’s some hard shit. About almost a year ago over the summer (2019) we were talking about my weird love life. You see I still tried to date outside of him. Can’t keep going after something that won’t happen. Then I asked about his love life as it’d been like months since I brought it up directly with him. Turns out he’d been dating a girl for almost a YEAR. He just “forgot” to tell me. I understand he could’ve been worried about my feelings, but I’m more hurt that he hid something that big away from me and lied about it too. We’re supposed to be best friends. Course I don’t wanna hear about how he fucks her or whatever. I just wanna be there for him. And so now I’m getting a taste of my own medicine. He is talking about her. How they go on dates, how they had a dear valentines day date, how he cares about her, how she even was in the same php program as me. I wanna fucking strangle her. She used to be my friend, but we grew apart. Then of course I find out that she’s dating the love of my life. Cool. Worst is when me and him are texting and she has the NERVE to try and talk to me. I don’t ever wanna speak to her again. I will if it makes DW happy, but for my sanity and her life I will avoid that. She’s a fine person, props forgot about me and my feelings for him, and doesn’t deserve the utter rage I hold for her. That don’t change it though. All of this on top the fact we’ve been distantly lately. I noticed about like 5 months ago how I was always the one texting DW and that started our convos. How I was the one putting in effort. So I started to text less. He only about 5 times started the conversations. It was over memes and reply to my general instagram stories. I’ve given up and realized if I want him in my life have to do the texting. I won’t let him go anymore. I’ve tried in the past, it don’t help anything. No matter what I try I need him and even if it’s bad for me it’s no worse than not having him.

Now we are on my closest and most toxic best friend. LM. LM I also met in my third high school. She was kind and charismatic. Thing is she is unstable, manipulative, controlling, hurtful, and just really toxic to me. She’s the alpha of the friend group I’m in with her. She can hurt me so much. I’ve tried taking breaks from her in the past, but when that happens she gets angry. She tried in these times to ruin my reputation. She has so much dirt on me. Top it off she lies like crazy and people just like, believe her? The only ones who have been able to see through her shit would be: Me, LL, and MA. That’s it. Not even her own sister can, least she doesn’t show it. It’s shit like, let’s say I was embarrassed by something and felt bad. LM would say I sobbed over it and yeah. Or she also just full on lies about me doing or saying something. It’s too the point where she’s said things about me that could get me in legal trouble if she told some authority figure and they believed her. Like she claims one time that I was about to drug one my crushes if she wasn’t there to stop me and that I masturbated with his jacket when he left the room in his closet. Yes I’m not proud of it, but when I was in a bad head space I thought about the idea/fantasy of having him take horny pills that SHE showed me and offered me. I did also once smell up my crush’s jacket in the closet. Not proud of it at all. I wasn’t stable and wasn’t thinking in my right mind. Doesn’t make what I did okay, but I did not do anything that would be as fucked as she claimed. Sometimes with that old crush she’ll bring it up saying straight up lies like I went to his house. Never did. Did find my crush on white pages (again not okay, but I wasn’t healthy), but never went anywhere near him outside of our setting. So yeah if I cut her off or just take a break she could realllly ruin my life given everyone believes ever word she says. All of that and I’m still a bit bitter over her manipulating a situation where me, her, and a few friends had a crush on the same guy. She lied saying she didn’t have feelings for him. She told us to confess and when we were like ‘idk not to ready for that’ she went ahead and did it for us. He didn’t like us back which is valid. But then she got really handsy and did things that basically helped him fall for her. Now I don’t have feelings for him anymore. If I do imma just push em away given he wouldn’t be good for me. But they constantly do things now as a couple that feel like an invasion on my being. THEY HAD SEX WITH THE DOOR SLIGHTLY OPEN IN THE ROOM NEXT TO ME ONLY TO LIE STRAIGHT TO MY FACE. So they couldn’t see I’d woken up. I was facing the door and they were full on sex. Like I heard the moans. I heard it all. I knew they were fucking. So when they finished and went to wake me up I pretended to be asleep. Then later that day I brought it up to my friend CS (her boyfriend/ex crush) I thought they were having sex cause I could heard them in my dream, he lied to my face saying I was crazy. Straight up gas lighting tactics LM would use. This isn’t the first time they tried that. Even when I was with someone and we both were like yeah we heard ya’ll having sex they denied it and said we were crazy. Like please just don’t fuck when there are others around or at least have the decency to do it where we can’t hear/wake up from it.

All of this said about each one I love them all dearly. And it’s hard the idea of losing them. It’s just so shitty dealing with all their shit on top of my own. 

Now the worse thing happening right now that I can’t even talk to a friend about it that I got my new name outed. So my parents are transphobic, but diet transphobic. Like they “support” trans rights yet do really transphobic things.I came out to them a few months ago and not a SINGLE time have they used the right pronouns. Then when bringing up trans things they have shot me down claiming xyz. I just wanna be me, but the same time I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment. At my php program I go by my chosen name. I told all the staff my situation at home yet the nurse managed to fuck up when emailing and wrote in an email that was attached to my parents my chosen name. So great my parents probably know something is up. I’m gonna fucking cry if they hurt me more. They already invalidate me on so many things I can’t stand the idea of them doing so on something so close and core to my identity. They do it with everything else and most things core to who I am. I had one safe space and the nurse had to fuck it up for me. I just can’t fucking deal with all this.

Top it off the one good person in my life, ESK hasn’t spoken to me in about 3 days now. ESK is someone I met online who lives in Europe. He’s genuinely the only good thing in my life. The only non toxic source of happiness. He brings me so much joy. I’m pretty sure he also has feelings for me or had them at one point. He’s 2 years younger than me and is turning 18 soon. I wanna get him a gift, but not only would that be weird, but he also hates celebrating his birthday. So I’ll just wish him a happy birthday when it comes around. Regardless I might not even be able to since he hasn’t responded in awhile. He has some serious health problems so I am worried he could be really sick. That or he’s angry at me/hates me/doesn’t wanna talk anymore. It could be just my anxiety, but the same time it could be true. I hate that I can’t tell. I can’t even talk to any of my bffs about it since they’ll all be super judgmental. Maybe DW, but even then it’d be hard. I just wanna make sure ESK is okay. He means the world to me. I don’t want to lose him. This is all happening after we both showed full face selfies of ourselves in our last convos. I hope he doesn’t think I’m ugly. It’d break my heart into toooooo many pieces if my looks scared him away or made him lose his romantic feelings for me. It’s not like we could date rn as not only are we an ocean away, but I’m far to emotionally unstable to. But hey that won’t matter if he drops off the face of the earth.

Lastly before I go I wanna talk about this girl in my php program who is legit making me crazy. We will call her LLL. She looks and acts just like my first crush, but if she’d grown up. The only difference is her eye color, age, and where she’s from. She isn’t her, but boy that doesn’t stop my lizard brain. I feel like a piece of trash whenever my eyes wander over her more revealing parts. It’s bad to objectify women and bad that I’m placing this role on her. Plus I’m like 90% sure she’s straight and like 60% she has a thing for a guy in our php group (who is much hotter than me). It’s just so hard since I lost my crush via my abusive grandma. It was her fault I didn’t wake up in time (I was 9) which meant I never got her number. I remember my heart sinking seeing her wave good bye to me from her car window as she drove off. I never really got over her as I just repressed any sense of being not cis het. I only really realized what I had for her was more than “wanting to be bffs” like a year or two ago. Still haven’t had the proper therapy to undo all my baggage. I really hope she hasn’t realized that my eyes linger on her just a little too long or that my feet are always pointing towards her. I want it to be a safe space for her.

SO yeah. That’s like 2% of my life rn plus 1% back story. You guys can tell I say like, so, and ya’ll a tad too much. I don’t know what to do and I have to wake up at 7. If anyone sees this I hope you can give me advice before it’s too late.

Yours cordially,

A.

[catsandcoffee103]

A drabble of a Drunk (Poisoned) Genma with Supportive Friends

The Anbu Background character’s always need more love, I feel, so I decided to drabble one: an exceptionally fluffy one at that.  Speaking of, I am taking drabble idea’s if anyone wants to send me some!

Summary:

 Genma enjoyed many things in life- life was for enjoyment after all. Especially when your a ninja, and you could die at any moment, you have to find enjoyment where you could. Unfortunately, Genma’s idea of fun is sometimes sticking himself with the new poisons he creates. Good things he has friends willing to put up with his bullshit. 

Genma enjoyed many things in life- life was for enjoyment after all. Especially when your a ninja, and you could die at any moment, you have to find enjoyment where you could. Even more so when one is in Anbu, and routinely goes on missions anyone weaker would call suicide. So, Genma learned to enjoy all the little things. He learned to enjoy the smell of fresh flowers in a sunny afternoon, or the breeze in his hair, and the delicious taste of the finest food and liquor. He enjoys alcohol and the cute little fur babies that so often run around Konoha. He enjoys all things sharp, pointy, and deadly, as well as anything poisonous. Oh, poisons are his favorite. Finding ones, creating new and exciting ones, and working up immunities to them. Now, that may sound weird, after all, how would creating immunities to poisons be fun? Wouldn’t it be painful? Creating that immunity does mean injecting himself with the poison- feeling the burning, itching, aching, torturous, insane symptoms the poisons bring forth. That part, little less fun, but knowing first hand what he’ll inflict; Knowing the pain he can bring: the pain he will soon to no longer feel. Now that, THAT, is fun. Being one of the few who can be poisoned and feel nothing but know how it’s supposed to feel- being the special few that has the knowledge and bragging right to say he’s immune.

Ok, so maybe he’s a little prideful, but he can’t help it. It’s his specialty.

But also, also, some poisoned aren’t painful. Some he makes and test- on himself, of course, the suspense of what it may do is so exhilarating- is very interesting in itself. Like here, and now, with his special mix of crazy and stupid that imitates a mix of being high and drunk rather than anything else. Not quite what he was aiming for, but he thinks he’ll keep it. Or, he’ll think that when he enters a correct state of mind again, of course.

“Raidou~ come back!” Genma was sprawled out on his couch, shirt untucked and ripped from who knows what who knows where, pants hanging low on his hips to let skin show between pants and shirt. One arm lazily reached out to Raidou, imitating a child’s grabby motion, “Rai~” his words slurred and his head fell back to rest on the cushions of the couch. “Albandened, abanpren, abandoned!” He smiled into the pillow, proud he figured out how to pronounce such a long word. Raidou huffed and rolled his eyes, walking into the kitchen to join some of their other friends and refresh his tea.

“Genma really is an idiot,” there were guns signaling a chorus of agreement.

Iruka snorted, “We keep telling him not to test out his own poisons. It’s unsafe!”

“His job is unsafe, he doesn’t care,” Kotetsu leaned forward, watching Genma do something with his hair. Maybe he’s trying to braid it? More like tying a knot. “He just tries to overcompensate the risk of death or permanent mutilation with shit like this he considers fun. What? We got drunk at like, 3 AM. That always leads to deep conversation!”

“Did you also paint nails and braid hair?”

Kotetsu let out a dignified sniff, “Yes, and it was fabulous.”

There was a high whine, like that of a pathetic baby kitten, emitting from the couch and Genma kicked out his legs in a tantrum-like manner, “I’m so lonely!” Genma always was a needy drunk. He always needed affection: snuggles, hug, and constant physical reminders that he is loved, wanted, and not a nuisance. When sober, he’s much the same deep inside, but doesn’t show it outwardly. Like most problems amongst those in Anbu, everyone pretends not to see it and it is ignored.

Iruka sighed, a find smile crossing his face. As obnoxious as it was, he couldn’t help but find his friend endearing, “Who’s going this time?”

Kotetsu straightened up, “I’ll go and we can braid hair again,” he smirked and stepped forward, sauntering over to his friend and flopping on top of Genma- of which Genma let out a drunken laugh and wrapped his arms around his friend. A large, loopy grin spread across his face and he let out a happy sound.

Gemma’s laughter was contagious and Kotetsu also laughed, “You’re such a happy man.”

Genma nodded, “I am! It’s so much closer to my dream!”

“Your dream?”

Genma nodded, relaxing back into the couch as if he was being absorbed by it. “My dream! My happy dream of what my perfect life would look like!”

That did intrigue Kotetsu. This is the first time he’s hear of this, and looking over his shoulder at Iruka and Raidou, this is also the first time they’ve heard of it too. Well, that won’t stand. “What is this happy dream?”

Genma got strangely serious, but the type of serious that puppies get when playing tug-of war, “Promise not to tell anyone else?”

“Promise.”

“Ok!” And like the puppy winning the game, Genma was once again wide eyes and filled with joy of being able to talk about his dream, “Me and Raidou are married! Cause I love him lots. But don’t tell him that, ok? I wanna be friends with him and I think that’d scare him off. And you and Izumo finally get past this weird mutual pining y’all are doing and start dating. And maybe you guys join Raidou and I for some fun times,” he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, “I’m referring to sex. And then! And then Kakashi stops being a sulking idiot and gets help. And Iruka adopts Naruto and maybe Iruka and Kakashi hook up cause there is some tension there. And Konoha is at peace and we keep going on missions together but no one dies on missions. We all die old and happy,” he leans smiles wide, closing his eyes, “And we’re all happy.”

And it struck Kotetsu then, that that’s the type of person Genma is. In his ideal world, everyone is happy. His friends are living a life he thinks they deserve: a life of joy where they get what they want most, and they get the help Genma wishes deep down they’d get to become genuinely happy. His dream is selfless, only one wish for himself and then the rest focused on everyone else around him. On his friends. On Konoha. He’s so... he’s sincerely a good person. He loves and loves and gives and gives, even in his made up world of perfection.

Kotetsu sighed, leaning down and dropping a kiss on his forehead, “How about I promise to confess to Izumo. Would that make you happy?”

Genma nodded, “Yeah! Cause then you’ll be happier!”

Kotetsu laughed, pulling his friend into a tight hug, “Yeah, Yeah. Asshole.” And they both knew when he said Asshole, he meant: I love you too.

Raidou, on the other hand, was bright red and looking anywhere but at the couch. Because fuck, wow, Genma wants to marry him. And fuck, wow, he never knew that was an option. “So, you think if I confess to Genma when he gets drug free he’d not run away?”

Iruka shrugged, “I think it’s worth a shot. I mean, he does want to marry you,” and Iruka was very much ignoring how Genma realized how deep his love for Naruto ran. He wanted Naruto to be his family. He wanted to adopt the boy. He truly did, but he hasn’t told anyone that before, he’ll he’s hardly accepted it himself. If he did, he wouldn’t have known what to do if he did. How could he adopt Naruto, who’d let him? Naruto’s a junchuriki and he’s merely a teacher. A Chuunin. He’s so unimportant, but it seems everyone else knows. He sighed, “Let’s not tell Genma he told us about his dreams.”

Raidou nodded. “I’m still going to ask him out, I think.”

“You should,” Iruka grinned something sly, “Maybe just propose to him! Seems he’s ready for it.” Iruka laughed when Raidou let out a groan of exhaustion, rubbing his temples.

“Shut up,” But be couldn’t help the little smile on his face when he looked over to the man laying on the couch, poisoned and loopy. Yeah, this is going to turn out alright.

[nataliesewell]

monster prom pop quiz results

I was bored, so I decided to try and record all the questions and answers in Monster Prom’s Stupidest Pop Quiz Ever(tm). It’s really likely I haven’t found them all, so I’ll come back and add to this from time to time.

The pop quiz consists of three questions; the first two go towards determining your highest stats at the beginning of the game, while the third chooses your possible prom date (this isn’t set in stone; you can still try to pursue a different character in the actual game). The order of the questions is randomized.

Other links: Vera Walkthrough

You can find the questions and their results under the cut!

stat questions

What is your spirit emoji?

a. Caucasian guy with a turban because fuck stereotypes. +CREATIVITY

b. Octopus emoji. Best animal on Earth. I know 5 mixed drinks, 3 drug cocktails, and 17 sex positions that involve one or several octupi. +FUN

c. Snowman, because that motherfucker is in the middle of a blizzard and he’s fuckin’ smiling. He doesn’t give a fuck about blizzards. And he has a kickass hat. +BOLD

It’s your chance to fix global warming. Go ahead!

a. Global warming isn’t real. I invented it, and now science is claiming authorship because science is a lame copycat with no original ideas. +CREATIVITY

b. Nah, the world is doomed. But I’ll start investing in ships and start a profitable business for the “soon to be covered by water” world. +WEALTH

c. It’s time to be a real hero: I’ll lead a mission to the sun in order to... invite the sun to the party of its life! We’ll have so many hilarious misadventures that the sun will eventually become... cooler. ;) +FUN

Be a visionary: what will the next big social media craze be?

a. Bull$hit: it’s Facebook, but each time someone shares news that isn’t supported by real facts, they’re taxed, and the money goes to the people exposed to that bullshit. +WEALTH

b. Greek Agoras: like literal Greek agoras re-instated in our cities. Places where philosophy and arts are discussed by the greater minds. That’s the social media I want to log into! +SMARTS

c. Rbert: from now on, a socially awkward guy named Robert will do everything he’s commanded to do through the app by its users! +CHARM

You wish you were raised by...

a. A mysterious old man who saved me from the streets in order to raise me as his disciple in the ancient ways of rad DJing! +FUN

b. A pack of wild wolves... who also happens to be tech moguls who own some of the most profitable companies of Silicon Valley. They would be kick-ass role models AND wild wolves! Sick! +WEALTH

c. A really progressive marriage between a kick-ass venomous snake and... actual fire. I love fire and I see no issue with being raised by it. +BOLD

You build a 100ft statue commemorating an event so that in 1000 years archaeologists can learn something about the people of our time. What does the statue represent?

a. That glorious instant when your friend stopped you from texting embarrassing stuff to your ex while hella drunk. +FUN

b. That mind-blowing twist in your favourite TV show that clearly changed the life of everyone forever, unlike all that boring stuff they show on the news. +CREATIVITY

c. Your least favourite political figure... being devoured by rabid rhinoceri... which are also covered in badass tattoos. +BOLD

Which is the coolest mythological creature?

a. The invisible hand of the free market. +WEALTH

b. A sphinx... who’s super turnt up and ready to party! And she raps all her riddles (she still kills you if you don’t answer them correctly... but she raps the riddles)! +FUN

c. This weird creature I drew when I was six and which is clearly super derivative from other mythological creatures... but it’s super cool and it’s my OC and my spirit animal, okay? +CREATIVITY

You’re elected president for a day. What’s the first law you pass?

a. You can deduct taxes by writing sonnets instead. Amount of taxes deducted are calculated based on the beauty of the sonnets. +CREATIVITY

b. Trivia fact: presidents don’t pass laws... so is this a trick question or are you just being an idiot? +SMARTS

c. One dollar bills will now include a picture of me and the inscription “Beware: Too Much Awesomeness.” My presidency might last a day, but my fame will last forever! +CHARM

A radioactive possum just bit you... what superpowers did you get?

a. The superpower of always choosing the right combination of emojis to get the desired reaction from all people: seducing my loved ones, burning my enemies, settling an argument, and even conveying complex emotional thoughts. +CHARM

b. Uh, probably rabies? I’d go to a hospital immediately. +SMARTS

c. The incredible power of writing fanfiction so compelling that the actual creators of the TV shows decide to go with my ideas and crazy ships. +CREATIVITY

School is outdated and lame. We need a new school subject asap!

a. Critical thought. I mean... damn, this country could really use a subject like that in schools. +SMARTS

b. Turning people into your puppets through emotional warfare and deception 101. +CHARM

c. How to correctly punch a crocodile without terrible consequences. +BOLD

If you had to have sex with animal... which animal would it be?

(You don’t get six answers; the three answers you get are randomized.)

a. A great white shark. I have to fuck an animal, let’s at least make it a story worth telling! +CHARM

b. A swan. They’re classy. Plus it reminds me of that myth of Leda and the Swan, so at least by bestiality standards it has a certain chic appeal. +CREATIVITY

c. A human being, because I’m the kind of douchebag who loves to find loopholes in stupid questions like this one. +SMARTS

d. A purebred horse. At least I can keep his semen and sell it. It’s worth a lot! Who said there was no silver lining to bestiality? +WEALTH

e. A dolphin. They’re the only other animal that fucks just for pleasure, so at least we can both do our best to have a good time, right? +FUN

f. No on can make me fuck an animal. If I fucked an animal, it’d be of my own free will. As a matter of fact, I already have fucked an animal, so the joke’s on you, pal. +BOLD

The coolest reality show would be...

a. Twelve experts on the various arts of seduction live in a house where they must face a common challenge: seducing a potato into marriage... somehow. +CHARM

b. Eight rich people fight in weekly challenges to see who’s the best at giving money to you. +WEALTH

c. People in various positions of power must face all sorts of questions relevant to their field, and if they fail, they lose their jobs... and society wins. +SMARTS

You get the chance to produce a movie. It’s based on...

a. The most influential Russian novelists of the XIX century... have gone nuts! They don’t remember anything about last night and now they can’t find the manuscript of The Brothers Karamazov; and Dostoyevsky has to deliver it TODAY! +FUN

b. Two cool guys walking away from rad explosions. And they don’t look at the explosions. THEY DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE EXPLOSIONS! They reflect on life and love... AND IT IS SUPER DOPE AND KICK-ASS BECAUSE THEY DO SO WALKING AWAY FROM NEVER-ENDING EXPLOSIONS! +BOLD

c. Something about superheroes, but with a love triangle between a beauty yet somehow relatable girl (maybe she’s always stating she’s a mess?) and two of the super hot superheroes, which are also like vampires or pirates or both. Instant hit! +WEALTH

Democracy is just broken. What would be the best way of choosing the leaders of modern society?

a. Whoever can play the most heartbreaking violin solo wins. +CREATIVITY

b. You put all the candidates in an empty room... with a wild grizzly bear. Whoever kills the bear should be our president. If everyone dies, then it’s obvious: the bear should be our president. +BOLD

c. We create a reality show called “America’s Next Top President” where the candidates compete in all kinds of physical and mental challenges. Voter turnout would increase and we would turn a profit on it! +FUN

If you could put a curse on your worst enemy, what would it do?

a. I’d curse them to fall in love with a wonderful person and be happily married before they realize that all this time... their partner was a wild panther in disguise! Then the panther viciously devours my enemy. Classic! +BOLD

b. The curse of always meeting obnoxious people at parties who are super into new fad diets that feel the need to explain them in detail. +CHARM

c. You can’t rely on the effectiveness of a curse. I prefer to take care of my enemies the old-fashioned way: by exposing them to unsafe doses of radiation over the course of several years. +SMARTS

What would be the coolest prize you could find in your box of cereal?

a. A tiny piece of sharp metal, so every scoop will be full of thrill and danger! +BOLD

b. The phone number of the sexy tiger on the front of the box. He’s so passionate about breakfast and health that he’s surely also a grrreat lover. +CHARM

c. A sample of a more nutritious breakfast option, so people are encouraged to stop eating that colorful crap. +SMARTS

What inanimate object do you think would make the best girlfriend or boyfriend, provided you went criminally insane?

a. A human-size pillow depicting a character created by myself. As a matter of fact, I have all the needed paperwork and I’m only waiting for the conservative narrow-minded laws of our country to finally step forward into waifu and husbando territory, as was clearly intended by God. +CREATIVITY

b. A dildo, duh. +FUN

c. An ATM. Sugar baby life, here I come! +WEALTH

Which god do you pray to each night before sleeping?

a. Praying is kind of lame. I have a group text set up with some deities: Dionysus, Bastet, Loki... coolest cats in town. +CHARM

b. Praying is for fools. I took some compromising pics of a god molesting a tree, and now I blackmail him for whatever I want. A lot more effective. +SMARTS

c. Oh, I pray to all kinds of gods. I have this business where people pay me to deliver their prayers every night. I’ve even started to look for a Chinese factory to outsource the prayers. +WEALTH

prom date questions

What is the sexiest type of knowledge a lover can have?

a. How to set stuff on fire. ❤️DAMIEN

b. All the principles to build a financial empire. ❤️VERA

c. Lyrics to all Disney songs. ❤️MIRANDA

d. Obscure 80s movie trivia. ❤️LIAM

e. Sports things. ❤️SCOTT

f. How to make a killer cocktail out of anything. ❤️POLLY

Your partner just gave you a cool gift for your anniversary but you totally forgot! Quick, come up with an idea for a great gift!

a. The head of their fiercest enemy. ❤️VERA

b. A silly toy that makes silly noises. ❤️SCOTT

c. The abstract concept of gratefulness. ❤️LIAM

d. A pony. Always a pony. ❤️MIRANDA

e. Anything on fire. Or a weapon. No, no: a weapon on fire. ❤️DAMIEN

f. Anything capable of leading them to an overdose of some sorts. ❤️POLLY

What would be a deal-breaker for a potential lover?

a. The person lacks taste. ❤️LIAM

b. The person is mediocre. ❤️VERA

c. The person is a coward. ❤️DAMIEN

d. The person is boring. ❤️POLLY

e. The person hates the outdoors. ❤️SCOTT 

f. The person lacks manners. ❤️MIRANDA

What would be a killer accessory?

a. Sunglasses... at night. ❤️POLLY

b. A fabulous purse made from the skin of your worst enemy. ❤️VERA

c. Coolness itself. ❤️LIAM

d. Fancy brass knuckles. ❤️DAMIEN

e. A necklace with your own name... in case you forget! ❤️SCOTT

f. Shiny armor. ❤️MIRANDA

The world will end tomorrow... What will you do today?

a. Nobody ends the world but me! I’ll end the world today. ❤️DAMIEN

b. It’s okay! We invented the apocalypse to take care of the overpopulation of commoners. ❤️MIRANDA

c. I’ll finish my novel... whoever comes after the end should know my legacy! ❤️LIAM

d. 100 push-ups... no, no 200 push-ups! ❤️SCOTT

e. They always tell you the world is ending... I’ll profit on other people’s hysteria. ❤️VERA

f. I always party as if there were no tomorrow... so who cares? ❤️POLLY

Which criteria would you use to name your children?

a. Meh... no name? It’s just too much work! ❤️POLLY

b. I will research for a name that is pun-proof and joke-proof. No one will pick on them. ❤️VERA

c. A non-heteronormative name to give them freedom to define themselves on their own terms. ❤️LIAM

d. Just a swear word. ❤️DAMIEN

e. My name + “II” (the Second). ❤️MIRANDA

f. Something simple and friendly, like Bobby or Mary. ❤️SCOTT

If you were an ice cream... which flavour would you be?

a. Double creme de la Gruyere and meringues. ❤️LIAM

b. Spicy chocolate. No... chocolate on FIRE! ❤️DAMIEN

c. Success. ❤️VERA

d. Tequila and coke. ;) ❤️POLLY

e. Rainbows and gummy bears. ❤️MIRANDA

f. Meat! ❤️SCOTT

What would be your dream first date?

a. An art exhibition experimental enough to give you a seizure. ❤️LIAM

b. A sweaty and manly wrestling match. ❤️SCOTT

c. A professional meeting where you charm your date with some astonishing business advice! ❤️VERA

d. A wild party in international waters. ❤️POLLY

e. A lovely walk in the forest... after rescuing your date from a dragon! ❤️MIRANDA

f. Crimes. ❤️DAMIEN

You find a genie in a bottle. You can ask for whatever you want. What do you ask for?

a. A rainbow that you can eat! ❤️MIRANDA

b. I don’t ask for anything. I drink the genie from the bottle. I can grant my own wishes! ❤️DAMIEN

c. Before asking for anything, you try to negotiate up to the three standard wishes. ❤️VERA

d. Infinite confetti! ❤️POLLY

e. ...His friendship! ❤️SCOTT

f. Him to not be so cliched. Genies and wishes... so mainstream! ❤️LIAM

What would be the most appealing in a love partner?

a. A big... horn. ❤️DAMIEN

b. Sharp wits. ❤️LIAM

c. Kawaii eyes. ❤️MIRANDA

d. A very tsundere personality. ❤️VERA

e. Soft fur. ❤️SCOTT

f. A taste for party. ❤️POLLY