#it's we're going through this awful thing together. despite it all despite what either of us wants we're in this together

[karmaphone]

I can see some of y'all are deep in the colonial romance fantasies re silna 😒😒😒

[tealvenetianmask]

I rewatched the Helluva Boss trailer today and tried something different. Instead of looking for upcoming details or clues about what might happen, I looked for a narrative. I tried to imagine what the editors were thinking as they chose clips (both visual and audio) to include, and why.

I thought that MAYBE in light of having seen two of the episodes (and weeped over them, and analyzed them into the ground) most heavily featured in the trailer, I might learn something from doing this.

My conclusion is *drumroll* that the clips were chosen to introduce problems. AND NOT TELL US ANY OF THE OUTCOMES SO WE WOULD FUCKING SUFFER. Not too different from a movie trailer really.

So there are four main problems set up. Each of them are set up to make us ask questions.

Villains: Oh, what an array. Cherubs, Dhorks, new John Waters villain, Andrealphus, shadowy figures in hoods, Mammon flipping off the camera, etc. We're given very little information about how any of these confrontations will go. We just know there will be conflict/danger.

2. Blitz vs. self: "you always take from those around you . . ." "do you feel any kind of remorse for what you do?" "I make everyone's lives worse." "I don't want to be this way, not forever." One could argue that we've already seen tremendous growth with that last quote appearing in Apology Tour. I think that if I saw this group of quotes together without the context of the episodes so far, I would have assumed it would come last. But I think it's the beginning of a journey. We haven't heard all of these lines yet. And the ones we haven't heard might get closer to the self-loathing Blitz is dealing with than anything we've seen yet. These lines are telling us about a problem- again, the outcome is left blank. How will Blitz transform once he discovers that he wants to change and starts confronting the truly scary things living inside of him.

3. Stolitz: Okay so ALMOST everything in the trailer that has to do with their relationship is from either The Full Moon or Apology Tour. And in retrospect, it was pretty spoiler heavy. Maybe this is my shipper delulu speaking, but I think the writers/editors were okay with the trailer giving this much away from these two episodes BECAUSE these episodes set up the problems with their relationship and do not reveal the outcome.

The problems are ones we knew existed but have now seen tear them apart: Stolas wanting someone to care and Blitz wanting to be respected, the fact that they both love each other and want to be together but each think they're not wanted. Then there's the cruel as fuck framing where the trailer puts together Blitz looking at Stolas in awe and Stolas smiling as if they're in the same moment, only for us to find out in the actual episode that someone else is making Stolas smile.

Anyway, this is all to say that yes, I think that narratively they will get together at or near the end of the season. The trailer tells us that they both love each other despite the problems that are laid out. The solution IS for them to come back together somehow. And the trailer gives us that split second clip of Blitz defending Stolas to . . . I don't know . . . stop heartbroken shippers from rage quitting the show altogether after Apology Tour.

4. Stolas and Octavia: when it comes to the first two episodes in this group, this one has been visible in the show only through Octavia's absence . . . But if we look at the trailer as setting up problems, the problem is clear. "You never loved mother and you don't love me. You love him." Shit is going to hit the fan. And again, we have no idea what the outcome is going to be.

So conclusions?

Trailers are a cool art-form. They have to be narratively cohesive without giving away any outcomes. They have to make us want to see more. They can scare us but they can't be so depressing that they make us give up.

We didn't get random parts of the upcoming story. We got the earlier parts. At least, the earlier parts of each conflict (likely to be spread out somewhat), but please notice that the trailer has told us VERY LITTLE about Mastermind and Sinsmas.

There's very little reassurance in the trailer. It's supposed to be that way. But we do have hints that stolitz will be okay. Trust.

[bird-inacage]

Only Friends: Episode 5 Preview (A walk in Sand's 'Rough & Dusty' World)

I'm really looking forward to where Episode 5 is taking us with Ray and Sand's storyline. This almost feels like the proper start to these two as a 'couple'. Having seen more to Ray last week, we're now getting a better insight into Sand's life, which looks peppered with sweet and spicy moments throughout.

We start with breakfast at Sand's. Can we safely assume this is a morning after scene, which means they slept together again? (How adorable does Ray look whilst he peeks into the kitchen? He's an actual child, I weep).

At the end of Episode 4, Ray seems to have arrived at the conclusion that he's now open to the idea of welcoming Sand into his life, and being more sincere about their (cough) 'friendship'. And with that, he intends to make more of a conscious effort, to show he has taken on board what Sand said.

So Ray suggests they spend the day together, "Can I stay with you? I wanna get to know you better." (A nice parallel to Ray's usual 'stay with me') It's an immediate indication that someone is starting to take you seriously, because they are initiating opportunities to see your world, to understand your perspective - to better appreciate all the things that make you who you are.

So far, Sand has mainly operated in Ray's world when they've crossed paths. Ray knows very little of Sand's life, other than his job as a bar singer. The fact that Ray is taking an active interest is a huge step. This isn't 'I'm paying or begging you to spend time with me' (aka Ray wanting Sand to keep him company), it's 'I want to spend time with you' (I'm keeping you company). That's a very notable distinction.

This request also means that Sand will be leading the day's activities, with Ray following along. That's another role reversal of how their dynamic has played out so far. Ray is the one who dictates what he'd like to do, and he persuades Sand to agree. Giving Sand full control is another example of Ray welcoming his opinion and preferences. It's a sign of moving towards more equality and balance in their relationship.

(How powerful is Sand in the leather jacket? The whole riding a motorbike together screams boyfriend energy).

Try to stay sane folks, because we should also be getting THIS notorious scene. It looks like they're in a changing room but who knows, maybe Sand has a weird privacy corner in his flat? The shirt Ray wears for the rest of the episode is hanging on the wall. We get Sand changing Ray (because his role as Ray's caretaker reigns supreme), and whilst doing so, he goes in for a cheeky fondle.

Sand continues to open Ray's eyes through music at a gig, which is a nice continuation of the lovely scene they shared at the record store. They also return to the go-go bar, where Ray publicly serenades our resident singer?

And we'll bear witness to Sand falling more and more visibly in love by the second. It's just as Mew called it - Ray should be a ray of sunshine and that's exactly the way Sand looks at him. That gaze is full of warmth and awe. Sand is completely aware of Ray's faults and bad habits, because he saw those first and upfront. And yet he sees Ray beaming underneath, despite all those things.

(As a side note to Ray - the superficial attention of many doesn't come close when compared against the all-encompassing attention of just one. Do you see how that man looks at you??)

After a long day out of playing actual boyfriends, they have a quiet, steamy make out session on Sand's balcony. Having had Ray accompany him all day, there's no doubt Sand is even more head over heels now.

If they did indeed sleep together the previous night and were gunning for 2 in a row, I really don't think you can shirk that off as 'friendship' anymore. I don't care how deep or convincing you think your denial is.

Aaaand OH. It was only a matter of time before this inevitably happened. Either Sand would walk in on Boston/Nick wildin', or they would catch him and Ray doing the dirty. My worry is how Boston is going to react, because not only has Top given him the cold shoulder, Ray is swiftly veering off his plan and how he ideally wanted to manipulate the situation. In a desperate bid to clutch at straws, I really hope Boston doesn't try to stir shit up with Sand instead (in regards to that Ray and Mew kiss).

Boston, you better steer well clear of our unproblematic couple. Let them be happy without the fuckery that is your mind games.

(Ray's expression cracked me up. He looks completely out of it 'Huh? What's happening? Who dis?' Boy was so consumed in kissing Sand, he forgot who he was).

[the-words-we-sung]

Thoughts and pictures - S3E3

The great rewatch of season 3 continues! And we're halfway through with episode 3. As usual, it's probably gonna get a bit long so proceed with caution 😁

And we're starting off with some big big pressure on Wilhelm, for a change... "I don't know if I can handle it" => ma'am, you're the queen, you're an adult, you're his mother. Get a fucking grip!!

How can she put so much pressure on her son's shoulders? I understand that she's unwell, she hasn't grieved Erik's death properly in season 2 so this break down was bound to happen I guess, but how can she (and Ludwig) just abandon Wilhelm like that? And not so long after his speech (and the "trial" with August). Did either of them talk to him about it? About this huge coming out he just did? About how brave he was? One day I'll write a post just about Wilhelm and his parents because I have A LOT of feelings.

And I don't know a lot about how a monarchy works but would Wilhelm really have to step up and replace his mother if she was suddenly unfit to lead, despite being 16? That doesn't make a lot of sense, does it? Especially in this case when Wilhelm has been Crown Prince for very little time (and even needs a special Crown Prince school during summer to learn his duties).

"You wouldn't have been able to handle it. That I can fuck up too" => oh Simon, my sweet sweet boy... I have to say that I really like his scenes with his mother this season, I really needed to see Linda actually act like a mom, and Simon to become more "real" with her. So I love their scenes and dynamic this season!

Is Wilhelm still seeing Boris? Or is he really all alone in dealing with his mother's health and everything else? My boy needs help...

I'm sorry but Simon with helmet hair is just the cutest thing!

But gosh their communication is just so awful this season... On one hand Simon frustrates me a tiny bit because I didn't think he would be so "naive". I mean, of course it must feel truly awful to receive to many hate comments, but he's a teenager who knows how to use social media so I would have expected him to know that these people are trolls and responding to them would lead nowhere? The people writing these are not interested in knowing him or the truth or anything, just in being nasty because it's easy to do so anonymously. But also I guess he's 16. He's super young, I'm probably expecting too much maturity here and not being super fair ><

And on the other hand, Wilhelm also frustrates me because he barely stops to listen and to actually see what Simon is going through. And yeah, he's got the crazy pressure from his family and his mother being unwell but still, he's being very selfish. And he has always had a tendency to be, but it's 10x worst this season ><

(Also why did he not say anything to these mean girls mocking Simon's song when they entered the music room together??)

I'm realizing now that truly, these Boris sessions with Wilhelm and August are really fucked up: the sessions with Boris helped Wilhelm so much last season, he felt safe enough to talk there, to be honest, and he was able to work through the hard stuff in his life. And now they put August there? The person who made him feel unsafe, who recorded him and leaked the video online. They put that person here in his safe place with him? Which might explain why there's no more therapy sessions for Wilhelm this season (outside of the ones with August). It's so fucked up...

Wilhelm is feeling so cornered...

And Simon is breaking my heart... Omar is such a good actor, he portrays sadness way too well, I wanted to cry almost every time I saw Simon in this episode. He's so depressed, thinking everyone hates him, it's hard to watch... Why did season 3 have to be so cruel to him?

It's hard to enjoy the sweet moments between them (this scene for example, which I forgot was gonna happen there :p) when we just had a sad Simon, bad communication between them, Wilhelm being mean to him... It makes it hard (for me) to enjoy the cute scenes because it just feels like a small band-aid put on a gaping wound ><

I really liked that we got to see Felice's dad again, and this scene is so important! I love Felice's decision to go without her dad and to be honest in the end. I still think she should have had a stronger storyline throughout the whole show. She's a great character and she deserved more!!

Sara and Micke singing in the car: 💛 "I'd rather have a papa with bad spells than no papa at all" => I don't know August... I guess it's the eternal dilemma..

Just because he looks so incredibly beautiful here 💜

This Sara and Micke conversation was so important and needed! I really liked that we finally got a bit more information about Micke and what happened to their family.

And another scene that I forgot was happening in this episode ^^' I got too used to seeing the cute (and hot) scenes from this season with gifs here that I know them without the context around :p

Why is it that every time something good happens to Simon this season, it backfires immediately and Wilhem makes him sad about it? 😩

3 more episodes to go, wish me luck >< This season is even more depressing than I remembered ^^'

[missskzbiased]

Inspired by a fellow Polin Stan, I must say this here.

A lot of things bothered me in Pt.2, but one of the things that bothered me the most was the fact that Show!Colin doesn't get a chance to show Penelope that despite being mad, he still loves her.

We, as an audience, can see his facial expressions while he is ALONE and kind of follow through his journey to understanding his feelings. But he doesn't communicate. And that's a real problem.

Yesterday, while thinking about it, I compared it to what we call "Metagaming" when we play RPG. As players, we hear things and we know things that our characters aren't supposed to know, and while interpreting our characters, they shouldn't know it just because we know it.

Pt.2 felt like a huge metagaming to me because Colin (and Eloise. I have many more complaints about her) only express what is important to people that aren't Penelope, and somehow Penelope still finds it in herself to be understanding. That's not how it works.

Colin was mean. Was he right to be so? Yes, I think so. Of course, he could have handled it better were he more mature, but he's 22 and he's a man in a society that gives him much credit only for it. So yeah, I'm not mad because he said some hurtful things. I'm not mad because he wanted his space. I'm mad because they didn't allow Penelope to react properly to it.

Colin goes to Cressida and says all that stuff about the letters. Great. He doesn't talk about it to Penelope.

Colin goes with a "It's not up to you" regarding a thing that relates to Penelope a 100%. He shuts her off, and instead of starting from "You're my wife, and I won't allow anyone to harm you" (which wouldn't be my go choice either, I'd prefer him to listen to her), he goes "No one will tarnish my family's name. Oh, and no one will blackmail my wife". It's almost a second thought.

"Missy, but she has his name, and he's considering it". Yeah, but the speech doesn't FEEL like it. It feels like he cares about his family (good) and his name (good) and his pride (name and not blackmailing HIS wife). They could at least have phrased it better, they could have showed more feelings as to Penelope hear him saying "I love you and I'll protect you" instead of "I love my family and your stuff won't bring us down".

Colin goes away when he discovers she's LW. He isn't concerned about her well-being at that moment, and THAT'S OKAY. HE WAS HURT, SAD, MAD. HE WANTED TO INFLICT PAIN. Again, that's not okay nor mature, but it's UNDERSTANDABLE. That's how flawed people act, and we're all flawed. Okay.

But then they could have him showing her that he cared at some point. When they meet before their marriage, instead of letting her go alone, he could have gone with her.

"But Missy she's been doing it for years. She doesn't need it. She says so. Her book self says so too"

YES, I KNOW SHE DOESN'T NEED IT. BUT LOVE MAKES US DUMB! SURPRISE, SURPRISE!

Not once we see Colin putting aside his anger to care for her, and loving is also caring while mad. It's not only about being well while everything is perfect. It's about caring even when you're awfully awful. In any way. It could have been a breakfast tray. It could have been listening to her. It could have been sharing something.

"Missy, but they dance together at the wedding and there's the nod"

Yeah, but that's before Pen goes "I'm Whistledown and you have to come to terms with it". Up to that point, it's like Colin assumes she'll give up on herself because of their marriage. And after she says she won't, he fails to show her how much he truly loves her. We see this at the final episode, when she goes "I understand if you want a divorce, I don't want to harm YOUR family". Because that's all he showed her. And then he gets confused, because in his head it's clear that he loves her so much and nothing should keep them apart, but he doesn't translate it to her throughout the episodes.

It turns out to feel like a "Tell, don't show" kind of thing. They didn't show her that he loved her. They told her, with a confession that I honestly hated. I don't want to hear Colin say "If my purpose is to love you, then be it", I want to hear him say "That's your purpose, and I understand fighting for one. You inspired me to fight for mine, I could never ask you to not do the same, and I want us to fight for our purpose together. I'll always be by your side"

I don't know. Do better. Just do better.

Also, Penelope didn't burst even once. I can't conceive it. But this will be for another rant, cuz this is too long already and no one will read it.

[hannieween]

hi so you didn't ask but here's my bf!joshie headcannons (not necessarily CL couple, just yeknow ,,,, joshie):

always running up to him to give him a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek when you've been away for a lil while (him picking you up from work, meeting up at a party, etc)

Having his right hand in your left whenever you're walking together, your right hand wrapped around his bicep

Or, if you're not holding hands, he has an arm around your shoulders or your waist and has you tucked into his side

Always sitting beside him whenever you're out with friends, either at dinner or at someone's house, etc

Joshie likes to give forehead kisses or nose kisses :3

If someone can't reach josh (he's terrible at answering his messages smh) they call you instead (but if you're like me you just ,,,, always have your phone on silent too I'm sorry I work in a hospital ok my patients need sleep!!)

Joshie being a slow eater and you being a slow eater too so you just take forever to finish a meal like no joke dinner is like a 1 hr event MINIMUM. It's even worse when you go out for food....

Doing crafts together because it's fun to have your partner wearing a bracelet you made, etc

BUT THE PLOT TWIST NOW!!!

you HAVE to give joshie a hug and kiss on the cheek when you see him otherwise he'll whine and absolutely DEMAND kisses (on the lips!! In public!!!) and be SO loud and embarassing about it smh

He HAS to hold your hand etc when you're out or else he gets mad and wraps his arms around your waist and makes you waddle walk (like dude do you have any idea how busy it is rn stop you're being a menace we're blocking the path ;~;)

he demands that you sit right beside him as close as you can get. If you sit somewhere else he gets pouty and makes you sit on his lap for the rest of the night. Follows you to the bathroom too. he doesn't even look away when you pee like ???????? and he just goes "what if you disappear on me again :("

him being awful to reach at his cell but he has it set that your notifications and calls etc goes through. that or he just ignores anything that doesn't have your name on it. his friends have started beginning their texts with your name just to get him to open the message like josh be so fuckin fr rn oh my god

Joshie being a slow eater BC he's a slow eater but also he likes watching you eat and talking to you while you eat. Gives you more food so he can watch you happily munch for longer

crafting a bracelet for him and he never takes it off even if it starts to get gross and the beads are fading like josh oh my god please I'll make you a new one just give that one a rest it's on life support PLEASE

Making him another bracelet and instead of taking off the first he wears both bffr rn josh fuck

All in all, menace. Fucking annoying little shit. But he's so clingy and in love with you I swear he looks at you like you hung the up moon but you always say his eyes twinkle with all the stars in the sky. He's your person, your missing piece and despite how (jokingly) awful he is, you feel antsy if you're away from him for even a minute longer than you need to be. Joshie is your soulmate and you're sure he's just waiting for you to give him the OK before he proposes. You just know him that well. (Also he's not discreet and you found a ring box with a 15 page printed document listed "proposal plan FINAL VERSION". Fuckin nerd)

oh my god?? unprompted??? i read these on the clock and i went through things tbh

v, can i take some of these and write them in lights out? 👉🏻👈🏻 pretty please? 🥹 you'll get full credit obvi

i don't know but i love the thought of joshua being so clingy he follows you to the bathroom he is literally the worst ugh i want him bad 😭🩵

[og-reesetti]

Been rewatching the Dragon Ball series, so now I'm going to ramble about it for a while

Had a lot of fun with DB, it's a classic that has tons of fun moments and cool fights. I do miss the perpetual threat of the saiyans turning into apes that sorta went away after the early Z arc, but what can you do. Piccolo's theme has aged delightfully through the years, partially thanks to the memes but also the different renditions are so good. A genuine classic. I also miss that there were just... talking animals and dinosaurs. Like yeah that's how the world be. Bring that shit back!

On to Z! The saiyan trio are all terrible, just some of the worst individuals you could ever encounter. I love them. I'm somewhat partial to Raditz because I'm a sucker for massive heavy hitters, and a lot of his attacks looked so goddamn painful. Obviously there's a reason that Vegeta went on to be such a staple favorite for folks, he's such an ambitious warrior that does his best to be the nastiest, most antagonistic cunt in the universe. But despite that, even through the Frieza arc you see him have moments of protecting people, sometimes for unselfish reasons, but he's so quick to say it was for some prideful reason and do something awful right after. Piece of shit, I enjoy him so much.

On Namek you have Frieza and the Ginyu Force, both delightful for very different reasons. Frieza is so cartoonishly villainous. He couldn't be more evil and heartless, and he's so up his own ass about it that mf doesn't even bother walking around for the first section of the arc. I don't think he's my favorite villain in the series, but he's so iconic and shitty and that final form design is so sleek and cool, you gotta appreciate him. Meanwhile you have the Ginyu Force, the silliest Power Ranger team. The crew is mostly just clownery given form and aside from Recoome, they all go down pretty fuckin quick. But Ginyu the man himself is so charismatic and zany, and pretty competent as an officer and leader. But every time he's on screen he's being either outlandish or crafty. He's the perfect subordinate and hype man.

The final fight between Goku and Frieza is pretty long in the tooth near the end for a "five minute clash" but honestly, yeah that's what happens when you have entire halves of an episode dedicated to standing around powering up and yelling. That's DBZ baby. The clashes are damn good but they're so far between sometimes I spent too much of the yelling time looking at my phone instead.

ANDROIDS! I really like the Android arc. You have the mystery of who Trunks is leading into the wackiness of time travel, and the lead into "oh these androids aren't the right ones wait why aren't they the right ones oh THESE NEW ONES ARE MUCH WORSE WHAT WHO'S THAT BIG GUY" and it just escalates leading into Cell. But the drama and intensity of the whole thing is peak shit. 16, 17 and 18 are such a fun trio that interact so well together and their personalities and abilities are a delight. I'm glad down the road we at least get to keep 17 and 18 around but outside of DBFZ I'd love to see 16 return to the story, even in a supportive role akin to 17 and his ranger bit. Also yes 18 and Krillin are goals.

And now we're up to where I'm currently watching, the Cell Games. Cell as his himself is probably up there for visually fantastic designs. His first appearance as the massive cicada-like husk to his first form being so genuinely alien and slimy is such a great shift from Frieza's personality and intro. The genuine "bro what" moment of him using the Z Fighters' abilities was awesome, and connected super well with the time travel story. How he absorbs people's bodies and the fuckin inhalation of the Androids is so fuckin creepy and gross (and depending on the audience, desirable and appealing) and changes forms leads so well into the bio-terror vibe he has. But also just like Frieza his cockiness leads to him actually giving the Fighters time to become strong enough to put up a fight and eventually flatten him. Bad guys need to stop wanting even fights lol.

----

And that's where I'm at for now. I'm jazzed to revisit more of these characters and stories I like so much and will eventually return to yammer about them yet again.

[nimata-beroya]

MY THOUGHTS ON TBB 2x03 "The Solitary Clone"

I'll start saying that the episode was pretty much as I thought it would be. The only thing I got wrong was the location, and it was a confusion on my part about the Battle Memorial.

I have so many feels for Crosshair 😩 my poor baby! I just want to wrap him with a blanket and hug him forever. He's so alone 💔💔💔

More spoilers below

Even if it felt like a knife to gut to know that he spent a month stranded, like yikes 😬😬, I'll say that he brought that to himself! I said it from the beginning, whatever happened to him there would be his own fault for not accepting his brothers' offer to go with them. He didn't even have to go permanently with them, just off-world and be dropped somewhere safe. But he didn't want to. What could've the batch done? Kidnapped him, take him away by force and take his choice away? No, so, for much it hurts, he cannot blame anyone but himself.

Despite all that, I can't imagine how awful Crosshair feels. You'd think that the Empire not appearing either during that time would clue him how unimportant he is for them. And yet... *Sighs* As a Rebels fan, this is such a deja vu.

The Rampart's dig about not being fit for command, that he'll be under the command of someone else, yikes 😬, it was insult to injury. I'd say a hard hit to Crosshair's pride. One done on purpose. Hate you Rampart! But I guess that it solves the question I had about how could go the relationship between Cross and ES-02. I mean, I don't think she'd have follow his orders after what happened in Kamino.

But it's Cody, which is both good and bad! Because now my heart is broken for both of them 😭😭😭😭😭😭 At least, he cares about Crosshair, and Cross respects him a great deal.

Is it me or Crosshair got just a tad defensive when Cody confirmed that he wasn't surprised that the batch went rogue because they're different by design and Cross retorts that Regs have gone AWOL too. I think it was both another hit to his pride and he didn't like to be reminded that he's different.

The Cody-Crosshair team-up is awesome (even if it's for the Empire) . They work awesome together.

Why?! Why do they have to name Clones for me to get attached to and then kill them right after? WHY?!!! RIP Nova and Wyler 😭💔

Ok This is so hot 🥵🥵 both Cross doing amazing shots with the reflective disks and Cody going a la Hunter with the knife

Cody negotiating just like Obi-Wan would have 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 and I knew Crosshair was going to be the one shooting the governor 😐 baby no! 😭😭😭

See, this is why clones were never going to last much in the Empire. More than accelerated aging or anything else, it's their moral code, which eventually start clashing with that the Empire. Crosshair stays out of pride and stubbornness. Hopefully, seeing that even Cody defected (WOOHOO!!!! 😁 We're going to see him in another episode right?! Right?!), he starts thinking through what's he's doing.

But I'm TERRIFIED that Rampart is believing Crosshair is somehow helping other clones to defect, when all he does is to cling desperately to the Empire, looking for something he always had and now lost. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I loved many moments in this episode, but i think the most important is at the end when Cody when Cody and Crosshair are back to the Battle Memorial and Cody remarks that they're not droids, that make their decisions and have to live with them. I only hope those words are food for thought for Crosshair.

[meetmeatthecoda]

Somehow, even though I haven't watched in years - and am 0% tempted to tonight - I've still got this tiny sliver of anxiety about the ending of The Blacklist. Is that crazy? It's like I know they can't possibly wrap up the story in a way I'll be happy or satisfied with (and after the 8th season I mostly gave up caring about what happens in "canon")...and yet I'm sure when I hear about what happened in the finale it's going to feel like one last, poorly written gut punch.

How are you feeling about tonight?

Hiya, anon ❤️ Ugh, can I just say that you summed up my tangle of feelings absolutely perfectly? 🥺 More specifically, no, that is not crazy at all. I am in the same place as you with not caring about any of it anymore - not since 8.22 ripped my fucking heart out - & I literally can't think of anything I'd like to do less than watch the series finale. But even in the years since 8.22, there was still that awareness that the show was still out there somewhere, even if I only heard drips & drabs, & I scoffed at it all, & I didn't give a tiny rat's ass what happened. And while that remains true, the fact that it's OFFICIALLY ending (despite the fact that it ended for us two years ago) is... a little sobering. For me, I think it's a reminder of the pain & grief of The Terrible Awful™️ 😓

Also, yes, anon, I completely understand the sliver of anxiety & dread... I felt the same thing when I heard that they were finally blessedly cancelled & again when I realized the last ep was coming up... I can only speak for myself, but I think it's bc I still care at least a little about Red &, deep down, I still want a happy ending for him, even though I fully believe he can't have one without Liz. But I have zero faith in TPTB & I'm sure they will make it a nebulous, "cool" ending with no real answers, like always, or they'll confirm godforsaken R*darina, or they'll just kill off Red because they're incapable of writing anything else. And I'm sure every other aspect of it will be disappointing, like Ressler being the hero or something (LMFAO) & it will be awful all around. I have no other expectations & I suppose I have to either accept it and/or ignore whatever happens AND/OR consider it all a crap AU & Lizzington as our canon. But the way you describe it, "one last, poorly written gut punch", perfectly describes how I feel. I tell myself that none of it matters anymore - it's not like we're getting a Lizzington ending lolz - but I think I'm just afraid of being hurt again bc, for all my posturing, I know TPTB still have the power to do that, simply bc I still care just a tiny bit. Despite all the heartbreak I've already felt... a little remains of the show, the characters, & my heart for them to destroy 💔

Idk if that made any sense at all, anon, but I hope I communicated at least 3 things: 1) you're not alone in the way you feel, 2) the ending will probably hurt & ache & betray in just the way we're afraid of, & 3) we simply have to deal with the residual hurt, know that TPTB failed us & it's not our fault, &... cherish what we had by holding our Lizzington AU close to our hearts & keeping them alive through fanfic... at least, that's what I plan on doing. So, feel free to drop another ask if you want to talk more, anon, I would certainly love to commiserate & work through our feelings together tbh, & btw I'm very flattered you came to my ask box with this & wanted to know how I feel, thank you for being so sweet. In the meantime, hang in there, anon, you're definitely not alone, & much love to you, my friend ❤️

[trinity-mia]

a story as endless as the ocean

the titan's curse

0.7 deadly deals

warnings : like one curse word and not much else tbh

word count : 5.4k

0.7 I Read a Wikihow on Making Deadly Deals with Ten-Year-Olds, Apparently

The council was held around a Ping-Pong table in the rec room. Dionysus waved his hand and supplied snacks: Cheez Whiz, crackers, and several bottles of red wine. Then Chiron reminded him that wine was against his restrictions and that most of us were underage. Mr. D sighed in annoyance. With a snap of his fingers, the wine turned to Diet Coke. Nobody drank that either (because, seriously, who the hell, other than those awful, preppy teachers, likes Diet Coke?).

Mr. D and Chiron (in his wheelchair form) sat at one end of the table. I sat on the other end, my usual spot, which almost got taken by Zoe, but I managed to get there half a second before she did. Zoe and Bianca di Angelo (who seemed to have become Zoe's personal assistant, from the looks of things) took Luke's regular spot right next to me, causing resentment to rise in me at their audacity.

Thalia and Grover sat along the right, on my other side, and the other year-round head councilors— Beckendorf, Silena, The Stoll Brothers (in lieu of Luke), Lee Fletcher, Katie, and Leah— sat on the left. The Ares kids were supposed to send a representative, too, but all of them had broken limbs during capture the flag, courtesy of the Hunters. They were resting up in the infirmary.

Zoe started the meeting off. "This is pointless."

"Cheez Whiz!" Grover gasped. He began scooping up crackers and Ping-Pong balls and spraying them with topping. He stopped sheepishly at the irritated glances he received from everybody.

"There is no time for talk," Zoe continued. "Our goddess needs us. The Hunters must leave immediately."

"And go where?" Chiron asked patiently.

"West!" Bianca said, any former timidness already erased despite only a few days of being with the Hunters, her skin glowing silver like her sisters' all did. "You heard the prophecy. Five shall go west to the goddess in chains. We can get five hunters and go."

I clapped my hands together, loudly. "Missing a very important detail, there, girly," I said, a faux smile on my face as I turned towards her and rested my head on my knuckles. "That prophecy was given to me. Which therefore means I'm the one who has to lead it."

Thalia had to force herself to keep from laughing, but I could see her shaking slightly. Then, she composed herself, "And anyway, Zoe, you're also missing something, as usual," Thalia said, drumming her fingers on the table irritably. "The prophecy said that Campers and Hunters combined prevail. We're supposed to do this together."

"No!" Zoe cried. "The Hunters do not need thy help."

"Your," Thalia grumbled. "Nobody has said thy in, like, three hundred years, Zoe. Get with the times."

Zoe hesitated, like she was trying to form the word correctly. "Yerrr," she pronounced awkwardly. "We do not need yerrr help."

Thalia rolled her eyes. "Oh, forget it."

"I fear that the Oracle was clear on the whole thing," Chiron said, trying to be diplomatic and keep us from actually using the weapons that we were all touching. "Campers and Hunters must cooperate, under Allie's leadership."

"Or do they?" Mr. D mused, swirling his Diet Coke under his nose like it had a fine bouquet. "One shall be lost. One shall perish. That sounds rather nasty, doesn't it? What if you fail because you try to cooperate?"

Irritation flared through me, along with another jolt of pain from my shoulders. We were getting nothing done, and all I wanted was to get on the road as soon as possible. I clenched my jaw to keep my irritation from spilling out. 

"Mr. D," Chiron sighed, his exhaustion at the events of the past twenty-four hours slipping into his frustrated tone. "With all due respect, whose side are you on?"

Dionysus raised his eyebrows. "Sorry, my dear centaur. Just trying to be helpful."

"We must not delay," Chiron warned. "Today is Sunday. This very Friday, December twenty-first, is the winter solstice."

"Oh, joy," Dionysus muttered. "Another dull annual meeting."

"Artemis must be present at the solstice," Zoe nodded. "She has been one of the most vocal on the council arguing for action against Kronos' minions. If she is absent, the gods will simply debate and end up deciding nothing. We will lose yet another year of preparing for war."

"Are you suggesting that the gods have trouble acting together, young lady?" Dionysus asked.

"Yes, Lord Dionysus."

Mr. D nodded. "Just checking. You're right, of course. Carry on."

"I must agree with Zoe," said Chiron. "Artemis' presence at the winter council is absolutely critical. We have only a week to find them all. And possibly even more important: to locate the monster that Artemis was hunting. Now, we must decide who goes on this quest. Allie, who—?"

With the ball being hit firmly in my court, and my irritation finally hitting a breaking point, I spit out, "I'll take Zoe, and she can choose another Hunter to come with us.” My mouth was moving quickly, much faster than my brain could think on whether or not I was being a bitch. "They'll be the Hunter reps. Thalia and Grover are the others from here. Thalia because she's another powerful demigod. We'll need her. And Grover because he's great in the wild and because I want him there. If anyone wishes to argue, you may file your complaints in the trash can, right over there. Zoe get your other hunter. Everybody be ready to leave at dawn. This meeting is over. And if you need me, don't."

With that, I turned and strutted out of the room, slamming the door shut behind me, and hurrying back to my cabin to avoid being accosted by angry Hunters who wouldn't be allowed to leave to save Artemis. I doubted they'd be willing to march into Poseidon's cabin and risk feeling his wrath.

Except, of course, I forgot something. Chiron knew everything and he loved me like his child. He came into the cabin while I was flicking through the photo album that Silena, Katie, Clarisse, Nessa, and Lou Ellen had made me for my birthday last August with a blank sheet of paper next to me, trying to figure out lyrics for the final song of my upcoming album. I was looking at a photo of Luke and I on the Fourth of July. We'd been leaning into each other, bright smiles on our faces and it made me sad, thinking about the look of pain on his face. 

"I figured you'd come straight here," he murmured as he wheeled himself in and parked beside me. I glanced tiredly at him. "My other guess would've been the beach."

"Any tips on how to survive this mess?" I asked bluntly, not up to dancing around the topic. He sighed, looking down at the photo himself. Pain flashed over his expression as he gazed at photo-Luke's happy expression. It was a rare sight to see him so cheerful and bright.

"Allie, I don't pretend to understand prophecies."

"Yeah," I shrugged grumpily as I remembered my first prophecy. "Well, maybe that's because they don't make any fucking sense."

Chiron gazed at the saltwater spring gurgling in the corner of the room. "Thalia would not have been my first choice to go on this quest. She's too impetuous. She acts without thinking. She is too sure of herself."

"She's a good fighter," I snapped defensively, in spite of our petty fight earlier. "I need her to go with me." 

Chiron turned back to me, nodding. "Yes, she is," he agreed. "But her fatal flaw is dangerous. You must keep an eye out for it."

I grimaced, hating to know that he was right about that. After all, power-hunger was a dangerous thing.

"Who do you think is better suited for the Great Prophecy?" I asked suddenly. "Me or Thalia?"

"You are both very alike," Chiron mused thoughtfully. "Don't think this is me playing favorites. Allie, you are humble, even in spite of your upbringing and privilege, and you care far more about people and the effects of your actions on those who surround you than Thalia does. You don't want power, you want peace. Your fatal flaw itself is loyalty."

To be honest, I didn't know how to take that answer. I was back in the 'I don't want it to be mine, but I also don't want it to be Thalia's' phase again. 

"Keep your head level and stay safe," he begged. "It is vital if your mission is to succeed. I know your first priority is to save Luke and Brylie—" The weight on my shoulders was back. "— but you must think before you act."

I let my head fall into my hand. I felt cornered and vulnerable, for no reason. The pain grew. "I always try."

"I know you do," he wheeled himself around and made to leave, but he stopped and said. "Get some sleep, Allie. You have a long journey ahead of you. And, ah, for what it's worth... I almost volunteered for this quest myself. I would have gone, if not for the last line."

"One shall perish by a parent's hand. Yeah." 

We both grimaced and I closed the photo album and put it back in my nightstand, then crumbled up the paper and tossed it to join the other failed attempts in the garbage can across the room. 

"Chiron," I called, right before he slipped through the door. "You know what this Titan's curse is, don't you?" I had a few ideas, but nothing concrete. 

His face darkened. He made a claw over his heart and pushed outward— an ancient gesture for warding off evil. "Let us hope the prophecy does not mean what I think. Now, goodnight, dear girl."

Reluctantly, I changed into more comfortable clothes and tried to get some sleep. I don't actually remember falling asleep, but unfortunately, I remembered the dream. 

I was back in that barren cave, the ceiling heavy and low above me. Luke, Brylie, and I were in an awkward sort of crouch, like we were worshiping a god in the ancient days, under the weight of a dark mass that looked like a pile of boulders. Luke was too tired even to make a sound. Brylie's whole body trembled. At any second, I knew that they would run out of their little remaining strength and the cavern ceiling would collapse on top of them, crushing them and thousands of innocent mortals to death. 

That thought seemed to motivate my dream self, and she took more weight of the sky. Even through their pain, they managed to give each other a confused, but thankful look. 

"How are our mortal guests?" a male voice boomed.

It wasn't Kronos. I'd heard what Kronos' voice sounded like and that wasn't it. Kronos' voice was raspy and metallic, like a knife scraped across stone. I shivered at the mere memory of the voice that regularly haunted my dreams. This voice was deeper and lower, like a bass guitar. Its force made the ground vibrate.

Cody emerged from the shadows. He walked casually to us, knelt beside them to look them over, then looked back at the unseen man. "They're fading," he informed him, not sounding concerned despite his words. "It's a wonder they're still conscious. You'd think there was another life force helping them. We must hurry."

Damn that bastard and Annabeth both to the deepest, darkest depths of Tartarus itself.

The deep voice chuckled. It belonged to someone in the shadows, at the edge of my dream. Then a meaty hand thrust someone forward into the light. It was Artemis, and her hands and feet were bound in celestial bronze chains.

I gasped. Her silvery dress was torn and tattered. Her face and arms were cut in several places, and she was bleeding ichor, the golden blood of the gods. She looked up and stared right at me, which shouldn't have been possible, considering I technically wasn't there.

"You heard the boy," said the man in the shadows. "Decide!"

Artemis' eyes flashed with anger. I cursed the fact that capturing the largest part of a god's essence rendered them powerless.

The goddess looked at Brylie, then to me and her expression changed to concern and outrage. "How dare you torture—" She kept staring at me, and seemed to realize they didn't know I was there, "— a maiden like this!"

"She will die soon," Cody told her, smirking triumphantly. "You can save her."

Despite the weight, Luke and Brylie both made a sound of disapproval, and tried shaking their heads. My heart felt like it was being twisted into a knot. I wanted to reach out to them, but I couldn't move, otherwise, they'd both collapse-killing over 800,000 mortals and themselves. 

"Free my hands," Artemis demanded, her shoulders slumping in resignation.

Cody brought his sword out, and with one expert strike, he broke the goddess' handcuffs in half.

Artemis ran to Luke, Brylie, and took the burden from their shoulders. The two of them collapsed on the ground and lay there shivering, while Artemis staggered, trying to support the weight of the black rocks. I stayed. I could've let go, but I stayed.

"M' la'y," Brylie whispered. "S'ry."

Artemis shook her head. "You bear no blame for this, young maiden," she assured her as Brylie slipped into unconsciousness, the goddess gasping slightly from the weight of whatever she was carrying. Luke managed to pull Brylie to him, making sure she wasn't dead.

The man in the shadows chuckled. "You are as predictable as you were easy to beat, Artemis."

"You surprised me," the goddess hissed, straining under her burden. "It will not happen again."

"Indeed it will not," the man said. "Now that you are out of the way for good! I knew that you could not resist helping a young maiden. That is, after all, your specialty, my dear."

"You know nothing of mercy, you swine," Artemis groaned bitterly, glaring resentfully at him.

"On that," the man said, "we can agree. Cody, you may kill them now."

"NO!" Artemis and I both yelled. Cody didn't move, however.

"We can't," he informed the other man, grimacing in disappointment. "Annabeth demanded the boy be kept alive and he won't do anything for us if we kill the girl. Besides, he still wants Allie Jackson. She is, after all, still alive. He wants to get her. She is the most ideal. She is the most powerful. Killing them both would have the exact opposite effect."

Artemis sighed in relief, and I felt my own shoulders slump, despite still holding up the sky. Which, by the way, was almost funny. When Cody and the masked-in-darkness dude turned away, she looked at me wide-eyed. 

I'm sure she would've asked me many questions, but the weight of the rocks prohibited it. 

The man considered. "Then the dracaenae can guard them here. Assuming they do not die from their injuries, and they can keep them alive until winter solstice. After that, if our sacrifice goes as planned, their lives will be meaningless. The lives of all mortals will be meaningless. Let them do what they will with them, as long as they live. Having a child of the Big Three fighting for us would be a great boon for our side, especially if she is as powerful as she is rumored to be. Keep them alive, so we make sure we get her."

Cody gathered up Brylie's listless body and carried her away from the goddess. He forced Luke to his feet and made sure he was following, before disappearing from sight.

"You will never find the monster you seek," Artemis declared, glaring bitterly at the man. "Your plan will fail. And the girl is loyal. She will not give in." I saw her look at me out of the corner of her eye. I nodded determinedly. Her smirk grew. 

"How little you know, my young goddess," the man in the shadows replied. "Even now, your darling attendants begin their quest to find you with several supposed heroes, as the half-bloods proclaim themselves to be. That includes Poseidon's girl. In fact, she will be leading the quest. They shall play directly into my hands. Now, if you'll excuse us, we have a long journey to make. We must greet your Hunters and make sure that their quest is... challenging."

The man's laughter echoed in the darkness, shaking the ground until it seemed the whole cavern ceiling would collapse.

I bolted up, instantly awake. My back was sore and ached horribly, but somehow, I knew I made the right choice to stay where I was. I could've sworn I heard a banging noise. The salt-water fountain gurgled, but there were no other noises. 

Then it was there again. Bang! Bang!

I made sure my jewelry was on, which it normally was (sometimes I'd take it off to sleep, sometimes I wouldn't. It depended on if I remembered to or not). 

I pressed the diamond for the blade, flung open the door, and found myself face-to-face with a black pegasus. 

Whoa, my lady! Its voice spoke in my mind as it clopped away from the sword blade. I don't wanna be a horse-kebob! 

Its black wings spread in alarm, and the wind buffeted me back a step.

"Blackjack," I said, relieved but a little irritated. "It's the middle of the night!" 

Blackjack huffed. Ain't either, my lady. It's four in the morning. What you still sleeping for? Don't you have somewhere to be? 

"Not for another hour, if it's four. And how many times have I told you? Don't call me ‘my lady’." 

Whatever you say, my lady. You're the girl. You're my number one. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and tried not to let the pegasus read my thoughts. That was one of the many problems that came with being Poseidon's daughter: since he created horses out of sea foam, I can understand most equestrian animals, but they can understand me, too. Sometimes, like in Blackjack's case, they kind of adopt me. 

See, Blackjack had been a captive on board Annabeth and Cody's ship last summer, until we'd caused a little distraction that allowed him to escape. I'd really had very little to do with it, seriously, but Blackjack credited me with saving him. 

"Blackjack," I said, "you're supposed to stay in the stables." 

Meh, the stables. You see Chiron staying in the stables? 

"Well... no. But that's 'cuz—" 

Exactly. Listen, we got another little sea friend who needs your help. 

"Again? I was really looking forward to that extra hour of sleep." 

Yeah. I told the hippocampi I'd come get you. 

I groaned. Anytime I was anywhere near the beach, the hippocampi would ask me to help them with their problems. And they had a lot of problems. Beached whales, porpoises caught in fishing nets, mermaids with hangnails— they'd call me to come underwater and help. And it wasn’t that I didn’t want to help— truthfully I didn’t mind one bit— but I only had so much time on my hands as it was.

"All right," I said, trying to not sigh out my ire. "I'm coming." 

You're the best, my lady. 

"And don't call me my lady!" Blackjack whinnied softly. It might've been a laugh. I looked back at my comfortable bed. My bronze shield still hung on the wall, dented and unusable. I sighed and grabbed my duffel bag, which was already packed with the essentials, and put it outside my cabin door. If I was correct, this was going to take a long time and I'd probably have to leave the second I was finished. 

Blackjack gave me a ride down the beach, and I have to admit it was cool. Being on a flying horse, skimming over the waves at a hundred miles an hour with the wind in my hair and the sea spray in my face— hey, it beats waterskiing any day. 

Here. Blackjack slowed and turned in a circle. Straight down. 

"Thanks." I tumbled off his back and plunged into the icy sea. 

I'd gotten more comfortable doing stunts like that the past couple of years. I could pretty much move however I wanted to underwater, just by willing the ocean currents to change around me and propel me along, I could breathe underwater, no problem, and my clothes never got wet unless I wanted them to. 

I shot down into the darkness. Twenty, thirty, forty feet. The pressure wasn't uncomfortable. I'd never tried to push it— to see if there was a limit to how deep I could dive. I knew most regular humans couldn't go past two hundred feet without crumpling like an aluminum can. I should've been blind, too, this deep in the water at night, but I could see the heat from living forms, and the cold of the currents. It's hard to describe. It wasn't like regular seeing, but I could tell where everything was. 

As I got closer to the bottom, I saw three hippocampi— fish-tailed horses— swimming in a circle around an overturned boat. The hippocampi were beautiful to watch. Their fishtails shimmered in rainbow colors, glowing phosphorescent. Their manes were white, and they were galloping through the water the way nervous horses do in a thunderstorm. Something was upsetting them. 

I got closer and saw the problem. A dark shape— some kind of animal— was wedged halfway under the boat and tangled in a fishing net, one of those big nets they use on trawlers to catch everything at once. I hated those things. It was bad enough they drowned porpoises and dolphins, but they also occasionally caught mythological animals. When the nets got tangled, some lazy fishermen would just cut them loose and let the trapped animals die. 

Apparently, this poor creature had been mucking around on the bottom of Long Island Sound and had somehow gotten itself tangled in the net of this sunken fishing boat. It had tried to get out and managed to get even more hopelessly stuck, shifting the boat in the process. Now the wreckage of the hull, which was resting against a big rock, was teetering and threatening to collapse on top of the tangled animal. 

The hippocampi were swimming around frantically, wanting to help but not sure how. One was trying to chew the net, but hippocampi teeth just aren't meant for cutting rope. Hippocampi are really strong, but they don't have hands, and they're not (shhh) all that smart. 

Free it, my lady! A hippocampus said when it saw me. The others joined in, asking the same thing. 

I swam in for a closer look at the tangled creature. At first, I thought it was a young hippocampus. I'd rescued several of them before. But then I heard a strange sound, something that did not belong underwater: 

"Mooooooo!" 

I got next to the thing and saw that it was a cow. I mean... I'd heard of sea cows, like manatees and stuff, but this really was a cow with the back end of a serpent. The front half was a calf— a baby, with black fur and big, sad brown eyes and a white muzzle— and its back half was a black-and-brown snake-y tail with fins running down the top and bottom, like an enormous eel. 

"Whoa, little one," I said. "Where did you come from?" 

The creature looked at me sadly. "Moooo!" But, for the first time ever, I couldn't understand its thoughts.  

We don't know what it is, my lady, one of the hippocampi said. Many strange things are stirring. 

"Yeah," I murmured. "So I've heard." 

I pressed the diamond for Riptide, and the sword grew to full length in my hands, its bronze blade gleaming in the dark. 

The cow serpent freaked out and started struggling against the net, its eyes full of terror. 

"Whoa!" I said. "I'm not going to hurt you! Just let me cut the net."

But the cow serpent thrashed around and got even more tangled. The boat started to tilt, stirring up the muck on the sea bottom and threatening to topple onto the cow serpent. The hippocampi whinnied in a panic and thrashed in the water, which didn't help. 

"Okay, okay!" I said. I put away the sword and started speaking as calmly as I could so the hippocampi and the cow serpent would stop panicking. I didn't know if it was possible to get stampeded underwater, but I didn't really want to find out. "It's cool. No sword. See? No sword. Calm thoughts. Seagrass. Mama cows. Vegetarianism." 

I doubted the cow serpent understood what I was saying, but it responded to the tone of my voice. It seemed to calm it instantly. The hippocampi were still skittish, but they stopped swirling around me quite so fast. 

Free it, my lady! they pleaded. 

"Yup," I said. "I got that part. I'm thinking."

But how could I free the cow serpent when she (I decided it was probably a "she") panicked at the sight of a blade? It was like she'd seen swords before and knew how dangerous they were. 

"All right," I told the hippocampi. "I need all of you to push exactly the way I tell you." 

First, we started with the boat. It wasn't easy, but with the strength of three horsepower, we managed to shift the wreckage so it was no longer threatening to collapse on the baby cow serpent. 

Then I went to work on the net, untangling it section by section, getting lead weights and fishing hooks straightened out, yanking out knots around the cow serpent's hooves. It took forever— I mean, it was worse than the time I'd had to untangle all my necklace chains after a trip. 

The whole time, I kept talking to the cow-fish, telling her everything was okay while she moo-ed and moaned. 

"It's okay, Bessie," I said. Please, don't ask me why I started calling her that. It just seemed like a good cow name. "Good cow. Nice cow." 

Finally, the net came off and the cow serpent zipped through the water and did a happy somersault. 

The hippocampi whinnied with joy. Thank you, my lady! 

"Moooo!" The cow serpent nuzzled me and gave me the big brown eyes. 

"Yeah," I said. "That's okay. Nice cow. Well... stay out of trouble." 

Which reminded me, I'd been underwater how long? An hour, at least. I had to get back to my cabin before Zoe decided to leave without me, quest leader or not. 

I shot to the surface and broke through. Immediately, Blackjack zoomed down and let me catch hold of his neck. He lifted me into the air and took me back toward the shore. Success, my lady? 

"Yeah. We rescued a baby... something or other. Took forever. Almost got stampeded." 

Good deeds are always dangerous, my lady. You saved my sorry mane, didn't you? 

I couldn't help thinking about my dream, with Brylie crumpled and lifeless in Cody's arms and Luke forcing himself to follow. Here I was rescuing baby monsters, but I couldn't save my friends. 

As Blackjack flew back toward my cabin, I happened to glance at the dining pavilion. I saw a figure— a boy hunkered down behind a Greek column, like he was hiding from someone. 

It was Nico, but it wasn't even dawn yet. Nowhere near time for breakfast. What was he doing up there? 

I hesitated. The last thing I wanted was more time for Nico to tell me about his Mythomagic game. But something was wrong. I could tell by the way he was crouching. 

 "Blackjack," I said, "set me down over there, will you? Behind that column. And can you get my bag off my porch and bring it to me? I'm going to have to leave soon." 

I almost blew it. I was coming up the steps behind Nico. He didn't see me at all. He was behind a column, peeking around the corner, all his attention focused on the dining area. 

I was five feet away from him, and I was about to say “What are you doing?” loudly, when it occurred to me that he was pulling a Grover: he was spying on the Hunters. 

There were voices— two girls talking at one of the dining tables. It was Zoe and Bianca. I made to move forward, but Blackjack stopped me. He was quiet, and as soon as I had my bag, he was off. Most likely to somewhere that wasn't the stables.

I threw the bag over my shoulder and snuck up on Nico.

"Whacha doin' there, bud?" I asked quietly, just out of earshot of Bianca and Zoe. Nico shot up in the air and almost screamed, but stopped himself just before he did.

"Uh... uh... I was just— waiting to tell my sister goodbye," he stuttered out. I heard Bianca's voice just after he finished speaking. I held a finger to my lips. 

"You should tell the others the rest of your dream," Bianca was saying. My eyes narrowed in suspicion. What were the Hunters keeping from us?

"No," Zoe refused. "It would not help."

"But if your suspicions are correct, about the General—"

"I have thy word not to talk about that," Zoe cut her off. She sounded really anguished. "We will find out soon enough. Now come. Dawn is breaking."

Nico scooted out of their way, and I slipped around the column as they moved around opposite me. 

"The lights of the Big House are on," Bianca called as the girls sprinted away from the pavilion. "Hurry!" And Zoe followed her out of the pavilion.

"How'd you know your sister was here?" I asked as soon as they left. 

"I heard them walk by the Hermes cabin. I don't... I don't sleep too well at camp. So I heard footsteps, and them whispering. So I kind of followed."

I felt a slight stab of guilt in my stomach. I'd been so wrapped up in my own self-pity, I didn't take time to make sure Nico was okay. Now that I looked at him, he had dark circles under his eyes. I felt bad, especially because I kept thinking of him as a burden (as I thought the word, the actual burden on my shoulders worsened, threatening to bring me to my knees).

"And now you're thinking about following them on the quest," I guessed.

"How did you know that?"

"Because if I had a sister and she was doing something like this, I'd probably be thinking the same thing. But you can't."

He looked defiant. "Because I'm too young?"

"Yes," I answered honestly, "because you're too young, and too inexperienced for this. You remember the manticore? There will be lots more like that. More dangerous. Some of the heroes will die. You wouldn't be a help on this, Nico, you'd be a restraint, holding us back because we're trying to protect you."

His shoulders sagged at my harsh honesty. He shifted from foot to foot. "Fine," he whispered. "But I need you to promise me something."

I hesitated, because I knew what he wanted, and promising something like that, especially given the prophecy I'd received, was impossible. To Travis and Connor, I knew I could promise them I'd get Luke and Brylie back because I had no doubt in my mind that I was getting them back. This was different

"What is it?"

"Promise to keep my sister safe."

Gods, Bianca didn't deserve to have this kid as her brother. "I... that's a big thing to promise, Nico, on a trip like this. I can't—"

"Promise," he insisted. 

I gave him a look. "I'll do my best, alright?" I sighed. "I can promise you that. I can't promise I can keep her safe, but I will try, okay?"

"Okay! Get going, then!" he urged. "Good luck!"

I sighed and ran up the hill. I sat against Thalia's (actually, it wasn't really 'Thalia's' anymore, considering she was alive now, but everyone still referred to it as if she wasn't) Pine and waited for the others. One of the camp vans was already waiting for us.

I was only sitting there for two minutes because two by two they all came within a few seconds of each other. 

"Alright, we all know why we're leaving and we all know what we need to do. We're going to succeed, I know it," I said, trying to lift up our spirits. It helped, kinda. Everyone's faces were still lined with anxiety, though. 

"May the fates be with you all," Chiron said grimly and with that, we all hopped into the van, not knowing the dangers we were about to face.

*    *    *

previous | next

SERIES M.LIST | MAIN M.LIST | TIPS

[utahbastards]

🚪 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫.

"When Thomas was little, anytime something went wrong it was because "you watch all that damn television". You have a headache? It's because you watch all that damn television? You're failing English? You slept in? You don't like your mother's cooking? It's all that damn television. At age twenty-eight, he'd given his father a new one; is this because you're on drugs? Show up three minutes late because you got stuck behind an ambulance unloading downstairs? Is this because you're on drugs again? Bags under your eyes? Caffeine jitters after ten hours on your feet? Frowning more than usual? Are you on drugs? It drove him insane. Every time he brought it up, Thomas felt like the anxiety would force him to vomit. The sweaty, heart-pounding sensation that laser focus brought made him so irritable for the rest of the day, that he was hell on the new residents. But at least he was sober. Sober and fifteen minutes early in an attempt to start the day right. Thomas leaned against the back of the lift, scrolling aimlessly through his phone. He should've known no good deed goes unpunished. The doors stuttered open and his brain blared warning sirens as her aura entered his atmosphere. He didn't even look up, he just knew. It wasn't even the perfume that tipped him off. She'd changed that after he'd moved out, the one time he'd had to return to the apartment it had smelled completely different. It was just the tension in the atoms around them that set him off like fucking spider-senses. He heard her sigh, stepping in despite him. To spite him? Either way, he stayed staring down, flicking through articles. She knew he knew. And he knew that she knew that he knew. It was all so juvenile, but if the elevator just continued another two floors they could forget about it by lunch. The lights flickered once, then twice before they were plunged into darkness as they lurched to a sudden stop, the sound of the emergency breaks screeched for an awful second. "Fuck," He breathed, the elevator brightened to a dim orange as the emergency lights kicked in, lighting up the whites of her wide eyes in a pretty amber haze. He hated heights almost as much as he loathed small enclosed areas with an ex-fiancé. "You okay?" He asked, dropping the pretenses of his feigned ignorance. It was enough to knock the startle from her face, narrowing her gaze at him. "I'm fine." Thomas pressed his lips together uncomfortably, rocking on his toes in what he prayed seemed casual as the consternated air grew thin, the room managed to crush his nervous system and yet leave his form whole and intact.

"Yeah," he added, quiet and needless. Their eye contact was awkward and unsustainable, he almost flinched away from her watch as he leaned down hastily, slamming his finger into the call button until he heard the familiar voice from maintenance. Thomas had remembered his name unprompted at a staff party once, apparently a significant moment for the man as he had been erroneously friendly and overbearing ever since. "Bobby? What's going on?" "Oh hey, Tommy! You're early today huh?" You could hear his smile through the intercom. "Yeah-" "I saw your dad this morning, man. He was in a hurry. Still time for one of those amazing breakfast burritos from downstairs t-" "That's the thing Bobby, I can't be late today. Lots going on." And I'm stuck in here with my ex, so let's get it fucking moving. "So what's up with the elevator, this is like the fifth time it's been down in two days." He was so irritated for half a glorious second he forgot he was there until he heard her huff as he cut the man off again. "...No, I know the mayor said something about rolling blackouts but what's with the generator lately- you know what it doesn't matter. How long 'til we're moving?" "Hard to say, Tommy. Wait- wait, give me a second something's on the news." "Bobby, no! No, man. Get this thing going!" He shouted, pressing the button over and over and... "Oh my god, you have to stop," She snapped bewildered. Tommy did what he did best; and tuned her out, slamming the button stubbornly again for good measure before reeling back, rubbing his temples in a self-soothing motion. "Fuck! He's gonna fucking kill me, I need to get out of here." "Just calm down, I'm sure they'll get it running again in a minute okay. Just relax." "We've had like four no-shows on the ward already, he's going to be so pissed for the rest of the day," He complained. For a brief second, it was all too familiar. "Well you can't control a power outage, Thomas. I'll talk to him if he's that upset-" "Oh 'cause that always helps," He bit before he could think. He sucked his teeth anxiously, nodding to himself as the melancholic silence hung. "Sorry. Let's just... keep to our own corners. I'm sure we'll be moving in a minute." He parrotted.

[rapid-as-sass-in-nation-team]

While some would find Fizz's arms getting all tangled and stuck humorous, none of them really did at the moment, Ozz's frown deepening in sympathy but he looked down at his feet, not having the energy to walk up to where Mammon was right now even if it was to help his boyfriend with something like that least he wasn't hurt and that one lady was helping him.

Mammon was always met with one or two glares upon glancing back at the entrance, exclusively from Striker and Robo as Chaz was still unsure what to do aside from stand with his partners, and Ozz was too busy trying to calm down, one glance Striker lifting his hand to flip the sin off only for Robo to stop him "He fuckin deserves it and you know it.. That and a bullet in the gut" Striker growled in a frustrated tone "He's wors-worse when you make him mad, but he do-does deserve it your right, let's sneak in and put holy water in his s-shower later, but now just deal strikey boi..~" Robo cautioned grating it out through his teeth earning a huff from the cowboy, worming his hand from Striker's wrist to hold his hand firmly, as the urge for both to do something to the greenclad sin was strong so they just squeezed eachother's hands, Robo reaching over and grabbing one of Chaz's as well. So they were at least together in witnessing this shitshow.

A noticeable spark shot out of Robo as he rolled his eyes at Mammon strongarming Fizz on stage with him, Striker groaning, not liking either of their peformance styles personally. Trying to not really focus on it all but it was hard with Mammon seeming to want to be heard "And yet your only here cause your pis-pissed OG made this free, hypocrisy at i-it's finest!" Robo joked to just his boyfriends try to lighten the mood, earning a few chuckles despite the atmosphere, understand the reference or not it was still bullshit to them all.

To be honest all the noise was a little much for them, even Ozzie noticing through his music, but the main thing they noticed, was how Fizz actually seemed to begin enjoying playing with Mammon, the trio's faces twisting in confusion and plenty of frustration in Robo and Striker's case, and though Ozzie tried to hide it, a slight tremble to his form started

After the two songs were promptly ruined for the group of four, Striker forced himself to not explode in anger at them handing so much cash to the LAST person who would ever need it. Though they could at least agree with the sin on one thing, Fizz needed some fucking miracle luck after this stunt. Striker instinctively putting himself between Mammon and his boyfriends when he got closer, only for him to go to Ozz, the sin of lust, looking up slowly, with an almost unreadable expression, but it was clear he was tired and hurt, just giving a 'what do you want' face before Mamm vanished into green smoke along with his putrid grin, all four coughing a bit as the smoke envelloped them before Robo reached over and swung the warehouse door open, then rapidly spinning his arms around to blow the smoke out of the room, so they could stop coughing on the stuff "Even ex-exiting he's awful.." Robo groaned as Marina walked up.

Chaz gave a very uncomfortable chuckle at the question "Heheh... Yeah no we're not. That was so fucking awkward and I don't even know Mammon or Fizz too well, I'm probably best off but my bois are well..."

"I wanna punch both of them. Hard." Both Striker and Robo said in unison before looking at eachother in surprise, Chaz just shrugging awkwardly in response

"I mean... I can't blame them. But yeah that sounds good, But Ozz's boyfriend, his choice. Um Big O? What do you think?" Chaz asked looking over to Ozzie, who took a bit to respond, lightly shaking, having trouble holding his phone still as the twitching grew intense enough the others noticed, "O-Ozz? Something wrong" Striker called, confused before they heard a shakey exhale from the sin

"I- feel like everything is wrong... I'm sorry, but, I don't think i can be around anyone right now. You three can leave, y-you shouldn't have to deal with this..." Asmodeus said, voice cracking as he spoke before quiet sniffles turned into sobs before without a word the transformed into a pink and blue ball of fire, letting his phone and the headphones clatter to the ground as he rushed towards a high up window and smashed through it, startling some of Fizz's workers for sure, the group looking on wide eyed before Robo glitchilly chuckled awkwardly "U-Um ya-yall think he just ne-need some tim-" He began scratching his neck before a loud anguished enraged scream boomed through the warehouse, a blinding blue and pink radiance beaming through the windows for a bit as all went quiet, Everyone too stunned to speak for a few seconds.

Robo was the first to get over the shock, sparking a bit in panic "C-Crap! Okay boys g-go find Ozz and t-try to cal-calm him down before he burns Greed to the ground! I got OG!" Robo said looking to his partners, Striker nodding before grabbing Chaz's arm and pulling him along as they rushed out of the warehouse, Robo leaping into the air and yelling "OG!!!" Landing in front of his big brother before nearly tackling him to a wall, the bot's claws digging into the stone as he loomed over the clown a bit

"I MAY BE NEWER TO THIS DATING THING THAN YOU!!! BUT WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING, LURING HIM BY TUGGING ON HIS HEARTSTRINGS FOR YO-YOU!!! AND MAKING HIS EX WHATEVER THE GUEST OF HONOR!!! ALL FOR A BL-BLOODY APRIL FOOLS PRA-PRANK!?!?!?!? ARE YOU CRAZY?!? YOU BETTER FIX THIS RIGHT NOW OR ELSE SLEEPING ON THE COUCH IS THE LEAST OF YOUR WORRIES CAUSE YOU JUST MADE A DEADLY SIN FEEL BETRAYED AND HEARTBROKEN!!!!" Robo almost shrieked, glitching and sparking intensely, clearly pissed right now as his back tendrils unfurled threateningly, looming over Fizz like an eldritch horror with a grin.

Meanwhile Striker and Chaz followed the few flames to an opening between several other warehouse buildings, the ground in the center scorched Black with a few blue embers remaining in the area, the sin himself having his head in his hands while sitting a top a stairway into one of the buildings, lightly shaking, the two slowing down before walking up stairs on the side to get behind him, Ozz noticing their footsteps and looking up, taking his head out of his hands, his face disheveled and making it clear he was crying, not even able to muster a smile at their sympathetic faces. Before Chaz slowly walked up and wrapped his arms around his neck in the closest thing he could manage to a hug, Ozz stiffening before relaxing, burying his face in the shark's leather clad shoulder cause he desperately needed this as he sobbed, Striker walking to his other side and placing a claw on his shoulder, not sure what else to do to try to help, both not sure if they were at all, or when they started caring so much but they stayed with the sobbing sin regardless.

Chaz happily smiled as he hugged his boyfriends, giving them each a kiss on the cheek, smiling widely, watching the whole thing go down on stage before the chanting started, the shark wincing, knowing how Robo and Striker felt about him, shrinking a bit at what Marina said, fearing his boyfriends would get along with his friend for a whole minute before hating her but no, they looked a bit peeved but they were kosher and listened as they crossed their arms, Striker's eyes widening when she pointed at him, eye twitching at the statement, before baring his teeth with a growl before turning to the stage and at Fizz with red in his eyes. "St-Striker no. Striker no!"

"You fucking... ERRGH! Should've known that bitch was just doing it for another trick! I'll have some words and more to give him... But I'll let Ozz settle his beef..." Striker started ferally yelling before Chaz picked him up in his arms tightly, lifting him off the ground so Striker couldn't run to go give Fizz a beating of his life in front of everyone, the cowboy's legs kicking as he clawed at the air before he calmed down, he and his partners barely ever got days off that happened at the same time, so he was happy to get this one, and to find out it was just Fizz wanting to trick them, it felt like a betrayal and lord he was pissed.

Chaz set the calmed down Cowboy down with a huff as Robo turned to Marina "W-We don't mean to judge Miss! Thing is I don't th-think you understand how... bad an impression Mammon can leave when your relationship is more... pers-personal..." Robo said, clutching the top of one of his arms, one Mammon had ripped off time and again, sighing before putting on a smile for Chaz's friend "Enjoy the show, just understand we have our reasons for di-discomfort around anything with hi-his face on it, still to e-each their own." The clown stated with a pleasant smile, or at least trying to before going back to watching this disaster with a confused and wary expression.

Chaz was hugging Striker from behind before Marina walked up with her phone "Yeah Sure! I would have contacted you before but- ya know, so happy to catch up!" Chaz said taking the phone and putting his number in before handing it back to her.

Luckily when Ozz put the headphones on the sounds around him were muddled, so Ozzie didn't hear him make the most obvious bait for the profit obcessed spider, but that didn't stop the chill that ran down his spine at what he sensed, he knew Mammon's aura anywhere...

The door burst open beside him and he tried to look away, but couldn't help but keep his eye on FIzz out of his instinct to keep him him safe, even if that meant keeping Mammon in his peripheral, responding with a scowl when Mammon looked his way before looking away, it was hard to describe just how uncomfortable he was now...

Not much better could be said for his employees, Striker and Robo just looking unimpressed and annoyed, Chaz looking uncomfortable for several reasons, it wasn't everyday you met your king your boyfriends both loathed...

The trio winced a bit when Mammon pulled the pretzel trick on FIzz Robo sighing "I-I could have told hi-him that would happen ya know, I kn-now that one way too well..."Robo groaned, massaging his head fruitlessly, both Striker and him rolling his eyes when Marina left "Yeah... I doubt that, doubly so for him... Satan himself couldn't make a bigger dumpster fire then this..."Striker said tiredly with his arms crossed, glancing over to Ozz, who seemed to be trying everything to calm himself, breathing deeply, turning his music up to blare out what was making him stressed, and his tail feathers swiping uncomfortably, he was not doing well for anyone who cared to pay attention and for once that didn't include the sin's own boyfriend...

"Well at least noones died yet, that's good right...? Heheh..." Chaz said trying to lighten the mood before Striker turned to him with a deadpan expression

"Wait. Something will"

[slytherbun]

confession

pairing: jay halstead x reader

summary: you find yourself in some trouble while clearing a location with your partner jay.

word count: 2.8k

tags: @specialagentsoftie @fighterkimburgess @everythingaddictxx

note: different kind of pd fic then i'm used to but hope y'all like it! ☺

"we're eight minutes out. don't go in yet." voight said into the mic but you and jay had already entered a second too late.

jay's been your partner for almost a year now. the one he had before you was a blonde named hailey that took a position from the fbi.

when you first met him it was about a month after the previous detective left and you could tell he was obviously still in denial. you gave him space and only input your opinion about cases you worked on with intelligence.

it took about three weeks until he actually said anything besides the occasional comment. and he knew deep down that you weren't trying to replace her. but since you were together a lot during the week—jay couldn't help but make his own conclusion about you.

he started to open up more when he looked past the stubbornness after concluding that you were a decent person. for a moment there, you could have sworn he was having an out of body experience with how nice he started treating you.

jay started to invite you out to drinks on a periodic basis. he wanted to explore the possibilities of having you as his permanent partner. one night after a couple of drinks, jay was in a good mood and showed you a picture of his old partner.

the two of them were standing in front of their new work truck with bright smiles on their faces. he talked about her a lot after that night as a way of meeting you half-way. and by the end of that month—it was as if you physically knew her and who she was as a person.

the both of you hit it off pretty well and became friends. even as far as, having drinks every tuesday and thursday after work at molly's—the firefighter owned bar.

jay mumbled a curse at the order voight gave but it was already too late. "get behind me." he spoke in a hushed whisper. not wanting to argue in that particular moment you did as told.

detective halstead had his gun raised and in a firm grip around his fingers before stepping further into the house. you followed his position and warily stepped more into the creaky house.

luckily the both of you had vests already on and around your chests. the material easily gave you a visual view of his arm muscles around the freckles splayed across his biceps.

right away you spotted the cans of spray paint sitting on the concrete living room floors. crude words were traced along the four walls and you couldn't help but scrunch your nose at the horrid smell.

it only had you raising your pistol higher.

while you glanced around to survey the room closely, you couldn't help but notice the gang symbols that you were familiar with. due to the cpd database you knew at least three different affiliations drawn over the wood boarded windows.

the overused drug house looked like something out of a horror movie.

"clear." he grunted between paced cautious breaths and you continued to walk behind his careful steps around the garbage to venture into the main hallway of the house.

jay stopped at the entryway and you turned back around to double check the area once again while he scanned the front view where you and he needed to go.

both sides of the hallway were clear but he made sure his gun was raised and followed every inch of the hallway space that he inspected.

you felt a tap on your waist and turned back around to see jay was still facing forward. he probably hadn't noticed the spot he touched of your body but it still sent shivers down your spine with the intimacy of it.

but you pushed away the anxiousness to check and see what was bothering jay. the only thought you should be having right now is how to get out of the dangerous position.

the hallway was full of open and vulnerable space. a clear point of range that could be taken advantage of to take either you or jay out at any time.

jay was concerned for you. he couldn't help the anxious feeling that he had in the pit of his stomach. the unknowingness ahead in the crack house irked him greatly that he couldn’t predict what was about to happen.

the walls of the hallway smelled highly metallic and if that hadn't given it away, the walls were filled with fresh blood splatter. you gulped at the sight of the bright red handprints going down the length of the hall and glanced at jay from the corner of your eye with an eyebrow raised.

he sighed and nodded his head while pointing his gun to the left to signal the continuance of moving on. you bit the bottom of your lip and tipped your head to let him know you were ready to go.

turning your body in a three hundred sixty angle, you watched his back and felt the hairs on the back of your neck lift up in a static gesture. you could also feel goosebumps all over your arms and you just wanted to hurry up and get out of there.

it was truly the most awful scene you've ever been to. with everything you had—you kept yourself together and calm. your lips were in a straight line the whole time.

you should have known with the uneasy feeling that things were going wrong within a split second. and you were right because after jay turned just slightly he felt a gun being pressed against his forehead.

“put your guns down or else i’m going to blow his head off.” an angered voice said into the echoey hall.

not believing what was happening, you turned your body to survey the area and another man came into your view and held his gun higher. “‘tsk tsk’ miss. hand me that gun or else we’re going to have problems.” jay sighed from behind you and you rolled your eyes.

“i’m not putting down shit until you tell me your demands.” you said maybe a little too cockily but it was protocol.

voight had told the team plenty of times to stall and not give up your gun at first. in hopes that the other’s would show up and it would become a better outcome if you just continued talking to the person who was a threat.

a third one appeared and now you were officially outnumbered but you were still hoping they were dumber than they looked. the one that was pressing a firearm to your partner’s temple spit out, “listen lady. you either put your weapon down or else his brain matter will be just another body that was paved across the walls of this house.”

you tried to calculate in your head quickly if you should take the risk of surrendering. voight said they were eight minutes out. and if you’ve been in the house for almost four minutes now.

that was half the time left until they were going to show but then those few precious minutes would be enough time for literally anything.

sometimes you hated being a part of the police force. how could you ever know the correct answer and outcome within a split second of your life? could anybody be capable of that? whatever choice you decided to take would be the outcome.

you knew you wouldn’t be able to live without jay as your partner and in your life. and his blood would be on your hands if you didn’t surrender now. a shaky breath fell past your lips when you clicked the safety back on and handed it to one of them.

of course they used your gun against you and headbutted you with it. little black spots were in your vision before it completely knocked you out. you just hoped the intelligence team would be able to find you and jay.

it would be your fault and you’d feel guilty until your last breath if they didn’t.

you weren’t sure how much time had passed but a hard slap against your cheek woke you up. a blood trail still continued to trickle down your forehead and you winced at the feeling of an awful beating in your eardrums. “wake up sleeping bitch.”

you tried to speak but instead you coughed at the buildup in your throat. not being able to help yourself, in a snarky tone you replied. “i thought it was sleeping beauty?” that earned you another slap that ensured fingerprints across your cheek but you weren’t feeling any regret about it.

“now shut up and answer my next question.” he inputted before you could interrupt again. you looked at him with a devious grin and he rolled his eyes in annoyance. “what were you looking for in that house?”

when you leaned forward, you realized the reason why you couldn’t move was because your arms were tied behind your back. but nonetheless you leaned forward encroaching in his space enough to feel his breath span out against your red cheek.

“as if i’d tell you.” your defiance had him pushing your head back forcefully so you hit the concrete behind you, feeling as if a baseball bat hit your skull.

he smirked at your uncomfort. “perhaps a little visit with your boyfriend will help you come to understand that i don’t mess around. if you don’t give me an answer—my boys won’t hesitate to put a bullet straight through his head.” your only reply was a silent one.

spitting blood onto his shoes and he cursed before grinning again. “yeah that’s what i thought.” turning his head towards the door, he yelled. “bring the pretty boy in!”

your shoulders immediately dropped when they entered the room. the other two men from earlier were dragging jay into the room and disposed of his body roughly on the ground in front of you. if it weren’t for his chest rising up and down faintly then you would have thought he was dead.

both of his eyes were already swollen and you knew he would have two black eyes for weeks, dried blood dripped down his face and you didn’t even want to look at the rest of his body. despite the fact he was wearing clothes, you knew he had many internal problems that would need only the care a hospital could provide.

“j-jay?” you stuttered at the sight of him.

he kept blacking out and struggled to stay awake. jay had been counting his breaths to make sure he had enough air circulating through his body. cracked ribs were no joke and he could only groan to let his favorite person know that he was still holding on.

“you think beating people is the only answer? violence?” you glanced around the room and glared at the three with a venomous look. they shared similar smiles hearing how hoarse your voice was.

“i hope my team finds you all and you rot!” the two that brought jay in walked away and the one that talked to you a few moments ago stood and looked down at you. saying one more thing before walking out the door and shutting it. “and i hope next time i come in here—you’ll feel more generous and tell me what you were up to. if you don’t then our pretty boy here will die as promised.”

as soon as he left the room, you started rubbing your arms up and down the wall in hopes that the binds around your wrists would break off. “y/n.” jay mumbled. you didn’t even notice he had turned his face and you shushed him. “don’t open your eyes jay. it’ll be okay, i promise.”

he tried again. “y-y/n. i need to t-tell you something.” jay’s lip was busted and bruised. he hissed at the pain. “you don’t need to tell me anything. we’re getting out of here, detective halstead.” you stated with confidence and continued to run your hands up and down despite the sting of your wrists.

jay had a feeling earlier this morning that something bad would happen. his gut had told him something and he wished he hadn’t ignored it. but he can’t always follow everything, especially when they didn’t even have their case yet. but of course after finding out the hard way, this case was bad.

he knew it and it still put you in harm's way but jay had to tell you how he felt just in case it did go the way he was hoping it wouldn’t. “i don’t care if i need to keep my strength right now. listen to me please.” he pleaded and you finally stopped, turning to glance at his face.

jay was squinting and the visual of his state had your stomach churning.

“y/n i haven’t been completely honest with you and i need to tell you this. i’ve wanted to for a while now, but i just couldn’t find the right moment to.” it was getting to the point where you were desperately trying to keep together. and now that he wanted to confess a deep secret that he’s held close to his chest, the whole thing just had you hysterical.

jay frowned when you started laughing. he tried to scoot closer but the pain he felt was significant. it was just one of those situations where it wasn’t an appropriate response but you couldn’t help yourself either.

he noticed the tears falling down your cheeks while watching you quiet down. a reaction like this didn’t surprise your partner so he didn’t blame your outburst in the least. “i’m s-sorry. i’m sorry.” you muttered and tilted your head to both sides.

you looked back over to jay after successfully wiping more than half of the tears on your sleeve. and for a moment he just gazed into your eyes with his blue ones. a look that you couldn’t decipher nor describe appeared across his face but he seemed to snap out of whatever he was thinking.

jay cleared his throat and continued with what he was about to say earlier. “it’s okay y/n. but i need you to know that i don’t blame you in the slightest for what went down in that house. i would have done the same exact thing because i love you.”

it was like time stopped and you couldn’t speak even if you wanted to. after all of that time you spent with jay. him wanting nothing to do with you, then becoming your acquaintance, somewhat of a real friend and he loved you?

“you really love me?” you questioned. not being able to believe what was coming out of his mouth. you wondered if the three men drugged him and he was high or delusional. a grunt came out his mouth at the current aching pain he felt all over his body.

“yes y/n, i love you so much. if i could, i’d be over there right now and giving you a hug. then i’d lean down and give you a kiss that i’ve been wanting to give you for months now.”

that honesty from him had you laughing, “months? me too. i’ve wanted to kiss you for almost the whole year that i’ve known you.” you replied with the same amount of honesty he had given you.

“yeah, y/n. it’s probably going to be a year soon but i meant what i said. i really do love you and i’m sorry we’re in the situation that we’re in now. i wish i could protect you from this.” before you could reply the two of you heard gunshots outside of the room. “shit! i hope that’s them.” you mumbled and jay nodded as best as he could.

the door banged open and hit the wall. you almost peed your pants with how happy you were to see kevin and adam surveying the room. “clear!” kevin announced and then walked over to you and jay. adam spoke into the radio, “5021 ida. we have officers down and need two ambos rolled to our location.”

after kevin ripped the binds from your wrists, you crawled over to jay even though your arms were killing you. another tear fell down your cheek when you got up and close to him. he looked awful but now that the two of you were safe, he could begin to heal soon enough. “jay.” he made a ‘hmm’ sound due to the exhaustion he was feeling.

“i love you too.” you finally said and he smiled. you leaned down to brush your lips against his carefully. “after all of this is done. i’m going to give you a proper one.”

you winked and he grinned and responded while the medics rolled in. “we have plenty of time in the world now.”

[pan-fangirl-345]

Promise Me You Won't Fall In Love

Summary: You and Tsukishima have been friends since you were kids, and you made a promise not to fall in love with each other. But of course, everything's fine and great until someone (both of you) fucked up and caught feelings.

TW: swearing, mutual pining, unrequited love (it is requited later), minor harassment (not a lot), and there is some derogatory talk from an extra that doesn't even have a name (Kei puts him in his place, I promise).

A/N: So this wasn't requested, but I've been thinking about this one a lot recently and I wanted to do something with it, hence this.

Note: Anything in italics is a memory! Well, not all of it, but the longer sections. Most of the time the one or two word-er things are simply emphasized, that kind of thing.

"Tsukishima, your girlfriend's here to see you!" Sugawara told the middle blocker, and he turned to see you leaning against the wall near Yachi and Kiyoko, laughing at something they were saying to you.

"She's not my girlfriend," Kei muttered, walking over.

"Kei! I knew you'd be here," you said, digging through your bag. "One of the girls in my class wanted me to give this to you."

You handed him a bright pink envelope with black sparkly writing on the front, his name scrawled in almost perfect handwriting.

"Another love letter?" he asked, taking it.

"Probably, I've stopped asking. It makes them think that we're together," you told him, crossing your arms.

Kei sighed, opening the letter with little fanfare.

He scanned through it quickly, rolling his eyes.

One thing he had noticed was that the letters he had been getting were really sucky poetry and fancy words. They knew nothing about him worthwhile and he was pretty sure they just wanted to check off the 'I have a boyfriend' box on their high school checklists.

Kei made a noise of disgust and walked over to the nearest trash can, dumping the letter in.

"I'm assuming that's another no?" you asked, smirking at him, already knowing the answer.

He nodded, ignoring the smirk on your face.

You, Tadashi, and Kei had all been friends since middle school. Kei had known you longer, since you lived in the same neighborhood, but you had kind of adopted Tadashi when you had heard about him being bullied, hence why Kei and you were actual friends now. Tadashi was the link between the two of you that had stuck. Being forced to make conversation as some of the only kids in the neighborhood had simply made you acquaintances.

"If you knew I was going to say no then why would you give me the letter?" Kei asked.

"Because I'm hoping you'll broaden your horizons," you offered, waving your hand dismissively. "Besides, it sends the wrong message if I just throw them away without giving them to you. Not to mention, a lot of the girls don't like me to begin with because I'm one of the few people you can tolerate for more than a few minutes at the time. You've never had a girlfriend, Kei, even if they aren't girlfriend material, couldn't you at least make a few more friends?"

"I can barely deal with you and Tadashi, I don't need anymore friends," Kei told you, and you laughed.

"Keep telling yourself that Kei. I'll see you guys later, alright?"

Tadashi and Kei nodded, watching you leave before they rejoined practice.

"Are you sure she isn't your girlfriend, Tsukishima?" Sugawara asked, watching the blocker with mild interest.

Despite being second years now, their former upperclassmen were showing up more as tournament season drew closer. Though Kei also suspected that they were being nostalgic and that they missed their underclassmen's chaos.

"I'm sure," he assured the former setter. "Why?"

"Nothing, just a hunch," he murmured.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Guys, do you ever wonder how many people see you on the side of the street and think, 'Wow, they are the most beautiful person I have ever seen'?" you asked, as you hung upside down on the monkey bars.

"I think the blood is going to your head, (Y/F/N)," Tadashi teased.

"No, I'm serious," you said, turning to look at him. "I was thinking, earlier, about how Kei keeps getting all these love letters, and it made me wonder how many people see me as attractive, but never say anything. I don't think it's very many," you admitted, "but I wonder if they are out there."

Tadashi sighed, putting his hands on his forehead in an exasperated manner.

"(Y/F/N)," he said, sounding almost breathless, "just because Kei is getting letters doesn't mean that people don't find you attractive."

"I'm not saying people don't find me attractive," you said, swinging yourself up onto the bars again. "I know someone in the world must have standards that low, but just because they find me attractive doesn't mean they would date me."

"Why are we talking about this?" Kei asked, annoyance riddling his tone.

"Technically Tadashi and I were talking about it," you told him. "You were simply listening to the conversation."

"That doesn't tell me why this is the topic of conversation," he countered.

"I'm just saying! Kei keeps getting all these letters, and it makes me wonder if these girls actually think that they're in love with him. Attraction is really just a release of chemicals in the brain from when we were simply a species trying to survive. But that's not love," you said.

"So what's love to you?" Tadashi asked, curious.

"I think real, true love is when you see something that reminds you of them and you smile, even without realizing it. I think it's when it hurts to see them hurt, but you stay by them instead of seeking revenge, knowing they need you in the moment. I think it's the little inside jokes that mean nothing to people around you, but it's everything to you. I think it's knowing that there are plenty of people that are better than you out there, but wanting to stick around to be better for that person, to prove that you're worth it.

"I think it's seeing all the broken pieces, and loving them all anyway. It's remembering the little things. It's being able to sit in complete silence and know what the other is saying just because of the way their eyes crinkle. It's knowing that they have the power to break off new pieces, and trusting that they won't. It's when . . . instead of breaking pieces of yourself so that they can handle you, you stay whole. If they choke, you know it's not love, not really.

"It's knowing that you can stand on your own two feet, but leaning on them anyway. It's knowing that you are your own person, but wanting to share it with someone anyway. It's feeling free and wild, but content to stay still, because you trust them. For me, I feel like love is knowing that someone would read with me on a window seat, watching it rain, but they would also drive just a little too fast down older roads with the windows down so we can pretend, just for a moment, that we're in a shitty music video."

You smiled as you turned yourself upside down on the monkey bars again.

"I think it's kind of like what we have, but more romantic."

"You've been reading too much fanfiction," Kei muttered.

"Maybe," you admitted. "But maybe that's because I want to be able to spew romantic bullshit like that when I finally find a guy that likes me for me. I realize that, realistically, I'll probably never feel like that. Or at least, I won't feel it enough to put it into words like that. Fantasy never lives up to reality after all. But it's a nice thought."

"So, you don't think you'll ever find something like that?" Tadashi asked.

"I think that I'll either end up married to a man that was good enough, or on my own with no social life except you and Kei. I'll rely on work to keep me entertained."

Kei snorted.

"What's so funny you overly salted French fry?" you asked, raising an eyebrow.

"If I ever think you're marrying a man that's just 'good enough', I'll say 'I object!' at the wedding," he told you.

"Oh yeah?" you asked, smiling. "And why's that?"

"Because you deserve more than that," he said, looking you in the eye. "(Y/F/N), you are not the kind of girl that should end up with 'good enough'. You're too . . . free for that. Although, maybe independent is a better word. You would wither with just 'good enough', and that's not something I'm willing to let happen."

"Aw, so you do care about me," you cooed, swinging yourself upright onto the bars. "And don't worry Kei, we both know that Tadashi and I will never let you settle with 'good enough' either."

"What about me?" Tadashi squawked, and you laughed.

"Come 'Dashi," you chided, "we all know that you won't end up with 'good enough' even if you try."

His cheeks went pink and you laughed again.

Kei, as much as he pretended otherwise, really loved seeing you and Tadashi laugh like this. It reminded him that there were people who didn't see just the bastard act that he threw up to protect himself.

He loved the way your dimple appeared when you gave Tadashi that real smile, not the smirk or the grin you gave people. He loved seeing Tadashi carefree and not hiding behind his hand when he laughed or smiled.

He loved being able to sit and watch the two of you interact, but know that he could pop into the conversation whenever.

"Kei, that look on your face is kind of creepy," you teased, sliding to the ground to ruffle his hair, a small way of telling him you didn't mean it. "What's it for?"

"Nothing," he muttered, hoping to the heavens that his ears weren't turning pink, though they probably were.

"Come on Tsukki," Tadashi said, giving him a look, "we've all been friends for years. We know you better than that."

"I'm just glad is all," he murmured.

"Glad for what?" you asked, wrapping your arms around his shoulders, leaning over them to look at his face.

"You. Tadashi. You know, my friends," he confessed.

Damn it! His ears were definitely pink.

But he didn't shove you off.

Most people assumed that Kei was a jerk all the time, and while that might have been true for anyone else, you and Tadashi were the exceptions to his rule.

You and Tadashi had been friends with him for almost your whole lives, and both of you had been there during the brother debacle.

You and Kei had lived in the same neighborhood for years, and had been a part of more than a few conversations that had been forced by social convention, and your mother had been good friends with his in high school, though they had lost touch after that.

You had noticed Tadashi being bullied in class and had stepped in, defending him and deciding that he was more worth your time than the other kids.

Which led you to Kei, when you found out that he had helped Tadashi on the playground, even if that had never been his original intention.

The three of you had become a trio of sorts in your later years, though your reputations weren't the most . . . innocent.

Kei had always had a sharp tongue and a quicker wit, and his irritation seemed to have no limits.

You were on level with him, though you were much harder to set off than he was.

Tadashi never really provoked, but he watched as the two of you eviscerated anyone that insulted him.

Kei was ruthless with people who made comments on you and/or Tadashi, never giving them a chance to get another word in, though they had often tried, simply making themselves seem more like idiots.

On the other hand, you tended to let people hang themselves with their own tongues, before using that quick wit and sharp tongue to gut them like the pigs that they were.

Tadashi had little confidence on his own, and he tended to be more affected by words than you or Kei, so most of the time he let you and Kei handle people, but every once in a while, he would be set off.

Nothing was scarier than Tadashi getting pissed. He was rarely ever confrontational, but when something set him off, it was terrifying. He got really quiet, and he never raised his voice. There was a quiet kind of fury that radiated from him when he got like that, and if you and Kei used your words to eviscerate, Tadashi used his to give someone hypothermia. He would make them get colder and colder before their brains tricked them into thinking they were too hot, and then ended them.

All three of you were terrifying in your own ways, but that didn't mean you were like that all the time.

Kei wasn't an asshole all the time, and he enjoyed receiving hugs and other types of physical affection, he was just shit at reciprocating it and letting others see that more 'vulnerable side of him', as he put it. He was better at fixing problems logically. He helped you and Tadashi study, or sometimes bought gifts to make you both feel better, little things that still made your days.

Tadashi was someone who might not be confrontational, but he was very good about getting you and Kei out of your heads when something did hit a chink in your respective armors. He knew that both you and Kei were more affected by what people said than most people were led to believe. He was also a very good listener.

You were the giver of physical affection when the boys needed it. Kei tended to need it more than Tadashi, since Tadashi had his moms who were more than willing to give hugs. Kei didn't like his mother thinking anything was wrong, and he didn't completely trust his brother anymore, so physical contact was kept to a minimum.

Tadashi was okay with giving Kei affection, but most of the time, when it came to Kei, you were the one he went to.

You had asked him once, why he always came to you.

"I sometimes think Tadashi puts me up on a pedestal," he had admitted. "He knows me, and he's my friend, but sometimes it feels like I can't disappoint him. I don't feel that way with you. Besides, your short enough that hugging you feels better. Plus, Tadashi is all bones."

"We're glad for you too Kei," you told him, leaning your chin on his shoulder.

Tadashi nodded, taking a seat beside Kei.

Kei's heart clenched, like it often did when he was reminded that he really did have great friends, and his ears got hotter.

"Alright, enough of the mushy stuff," he muttered, trying to wave you and Tadashi away.

"Come on Kei," you whined softly, gently bumping your head with his, "we all know that you have a heart! Don't be that way, it's just us."

Kei made a small noise, and you laughed, releasing him so that you could sit on his other side, peering up into his face with your adorable fucking doe eyes.

"You know you don't have to pretend with us," you murmured, leaning on his shoulder, taking his hand.

"Yeah, we've all been friends for long enough Tsukki," Tadashi agreed, leaning his head on Kei's other shoulder.

"I hate you both," he muttered, trying to hide his face in his hands.

"Nuh uh," you said, pulling away to pull his hands from his face, sounding like a child. "No hiding from us."

You took his hand again, and for a while, all three of you just sat there, enjoying each other's company.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Tsukishima! You're girlfriend is here again," Suga said, gesturing to where you were walking through the doors of the gym, laughing with Yachi.

"Again, she's not my girlfriend," Kei muttered.

He remembered, suddenly, about the promise you had both made when you were middle school and boys were starting to notice girls and vice versa.

"Kei and (Y/F/N) would make such a cute couple when they're older," your mother had told his, smiling as you both chatted at a neighborhood barbeque, being two of the only children there that could hold an intelligent conversation.

At that point, you and Kei were more than acquaintances, but you weren't exactly friends yet either.

Neither mother had realized that you and Kei had overheard, and when Kei had glanced at you, your nose was wrinkled like it did when you were grossed out by something, your expression mirroring his.

"Promise me something Kei," you had said, turning your attention back to him. "Promise me that you won't ever fall in love with me."

"Why not? I mean, I won't, but I want a reason," he had said, arms crossed as he looked at you.

"Because we're friends," you had said, like it had been the simplest thing in the world. "And because if we ended up falling in love and dating that means Tadashi would feel left out all the time and I won't let that happen. So promise me."

"I promise not to fall in love with you if you promise not to fall in love with me," he had offered.

"Deal," you had told him, offering him your hand to shake on it.

"Ah, Kei, there you are!" you said, smiling at him. "There's another letter. Based on the amount of hearts on it, another confession."

"Keep it," he muttered, pushing your hand away when you went to hand him the letter.

"Kei, I don't want to carry around another one of your love letters," you said, wrinkling your nose. "These aren't for me, and they make me sick, so please, for the sake of our friendship, take the damn thing off my hands so I can wash them."

He sighed, a pained sound that had you laughing, and took the letter, slipping it into his bag, wondering if the girls at school would ever take a hint that he wasn't interested.

"Why is Tsukishima so popular with the girls?" Hinata wondered out loud. "His personality is so crappy."

"And I don't think I've ever heard him say a nice thing to anyone," Kageyama added.

"That's because you guys are irritating to Kei," you interrupted, turning to them, arms crossed and hip cocked out to the side. "Most of the time, he's helpful and respectful. You two just aren't the kind of people he would voluntarily hang out with."

"Rude," Hinata cried, then pouted, "but true."

"The only people Kei really rips into are people he doesn't like, doesn't respect, people who disrespect Tadashi or me, or people who betray his trust. You two are options one and two."

"He just seems like an unfeeling asshole, even after three years of knowing him."

"I think it's the opposite actually," you told them.

Kei could feel your eyes on the back of his head, either unaware that he could hear you or uncaring that he was listening.

"I think he feels all of it, at one hundred and twenty percent. He just acts like that to avoid getting hurt in most cases. In your case though, he really does just not like you. Or, more accurately, he doesn't like that you two are so clearly passionate about something when he gets scared of something hurting him if he cares too much. Like Tadashi told you once, Hinata, if Kei didn't at least like volleyball, he wouldn't be here. Just think about it," you told them.

"(Y/F/N)!" Tadashi called. "We're still studying at your place right?"

"Yeah, just like always," you assured him. "Kei, you still have the spare key, just let yourselves in."

He nodded, spinning the ball in his hands as he watched you walk away.

"Tsukishima, are you one hundred percent sure that she isn't your girlfriend?" Suga asked, eyebrows raised at him.

"Three hundred percent sure," Tsukishima grunted as he served the ball.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Why do you never accept any of the confessions, Kei?" you asked, looking at him from over the top of your textbook.

Your head was hanging off the side of your bed and your socked feet were crossed at the ankles, resting on your wall.

Kei's neck hurt just looking at you, but he didn't say anything to you about moving.

"Because they aren't my type," Kei muttered, checking his notes before writing down an answer on his paper.

"What is your type?" you inquired, rolling onto your stomach, setting you book to the side. "Because I don't think I've ever seen you take an interest in a girl." You frowned, then added, "Romantic interest I mean."

Kei wondered what other interest you had thought he might get out of that, but he decided not to question it. Despite knowing you for years, and being as close to you as he was, you still managed to be somewhat of a mystery to him.

"Does it matter?" he asked.

"Yes, because I want to be able to set you up when you decide you're ready for a relationship!" you said. "Tadashi and I would make great wingmen. Well, wingman and wingwoman, but you know what I mean."

Kei actually turned to look at you at that one.

"You're serious," he muttered, noting the look on your face.

"Yes! Unless you don't think you're going to want a romantic relationship, which is completely okay too. I just want you to be happy is all."

"You know what makes me happy?" Kei asked, pausing to let you answer, but instead you stayed quiet, watching him with those damn doe eyes. "Getting my homework done and not having to deal with confessions from girls that don't know the first thing about me."

Kei heard your small chuckle, and as he went back to his homework, he found himself smiling.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kei had always known that, objectively, you were very pretty (he had heard enough from his classmates over the years to have it verified), but sometimes you did something, and he would realize all over again.

Today you had laughed a little harder as he ripped into someone, and you had given him one of those dimpled smiles that he adored so much, and he had stood there blinking for a moment before he cooled his expression again.

Kei didn't really understand why he got so mad when someone flirted with you in the hallways, or when you came to cheer the team on during games.

He had always assumed that it was merely because you were such good friends, but then he had realized that no one else got that mad, they didn't feel the same painful burning in the pit of their stomachs at seeing you with another guy.

Asking Suga had done absolutely nothing, the setter had merely suggested that Kei was jealous, which was absolute bullshit, and he wasn't desperate enough to contact Bokuto or Kuroo yet, though he might be at the point of asking Akaashi.

He would know if he liked you the way that the older setter was implying. He would know if he was in love with you.

Right?

Kei could worry about that later, right now he was more interested in getting that guy's hand off your shoulder and away from your neck.

"(Y/F/N)," Kei called, striding over, back straight. "The game's about to start, we've got to go."

"Kei!" you chirped, smiling at him, moving to his side immediately, giving the guy that had been bugging you a sugar sweet (and utterly fake) smile over your shoulder. "See you around never, hopefully!"

Kei pressed his lips together to hide his smile, letting you wrap your hand around his.

"Was that guy bothering you?"

"A little, but you got there just in time," you told him, your hand tightening it's grip for a moment before you let him go. "Thanks for always having the most amazing timing Kei!"

"Yeah, whatever," he told you, bumping your shoulder with his.

"Seriously, what is it with the girls that hang around with us and wandering off?" Daichi asked when you walked into the gym with Kei.

"Sorry guys! I just wanted to buy a key chain," you said, holding it up, grinning. "It's not my fault that athletes can't take no for an answer! Sometimes I think your on-court determination bleeds over into everyday life."

There were some nods, and Kei watched as the guy that had been bothering you stepped onto the other side of the court.

He followed the guy's eyes to you, where you were laughing at something Kageyama said.

Did- Did that moron just lick his lips at you?

Kei felt that burning sensation in his stomach again.

Kei didn't realize that he had been glaring until he heard your voice right next to him.

"Anyway, good luck guys!" you told them, affectionately ruffling Tadashi's hair, hip-checking Kei on your way into the stands, flashing him that damned dimpled grin over your shoulder.

"Hey, Blondie!" the guy called. "You, Glasses! I'm talkin' to you!"

Kei turned to see the guy from earlier smirking at him.

"Dude, your girl is so hot!" he said.

Kei felt the entirety of Karasuno tense behind him as they realized what was going on.

"Yeah, she is," Kei agreed.

"Think you'd be willin' to share her with me? I promise I'd take good care of her."

"Oh shit," someone muttered, and Kei saw red for a moment before he got himself under control.

"Is your ass jealous about the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?" Kei asked, putting his hand on his hip.

Using insults like that was never really his thing, but he was really pissed right now.

"Hey, Tsukki," Tadashi said quietly, "you might not want to-"

"What did you just say to me?" the guy asked.

"Hey, Kei!" you called from the stands, waving at him to catch his attention. "Leave the smack talk for when you actually win! Block his spike down his throat for me, alright?"

He nodded, giving you a grin that had you giving him one right back.

"God forbid if she was a guy and they were on the same team," Suga muttered, and the others nodded.

"Alright, time for the game to start," Daichi said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kei did as you asked: he blocked every single spike that the guy tried to send over the net, and Kei could already tell that the guy was pissed at the end of the first set.

He was spiking more and more aggressively, which was screwing up aim to the point where Kei didn't even really need to block.

"Go Karasuno!" you cheered, smiling at the team from the stands.

Kei, every time he felt his anger getting out of control, looked to you in the stands to calm down.

Finally, the scumbag was so out of control that he was switched out with another wing spiker.

From there, the game was easy.

By the end of it, Kei hadn't even needed to look for you in the stands. Not only had he memorized where you were, but no one else on that team pissed him off as much as that scumbag did.

As soon as the ball landed on the other side of the court, and it was called, you were running down from the stands, running for him.

"Kei! You were so great!" you cheered, wrapping your arms around his neck, jumping at him.

He wrapped his arms around your waist to keep the both of you from falling over, and he buried his face in your neck as he set you down.

"Oh my gosh, Kei that was so amazing! I think that's the best you've played all season! Seriously! Some of those blocked looked like they would've ripped my arms off, that was so cool!" you gushed, holding onto his forearms.

Kei nodded, giving Tadashi a look over your shoulder for a moment, letting him know that it was okay for him to go on ahead.

"Thanks for blocking the slime ball for me Kei!" you said, smiling up at him. "And what did he say to you that got you so pissed off? I haven't seen you that mad in forever!"

"It was nothing," he told you, "it was stupid."

"Are you sure?" you inquired, looking up at him.

"Yeah, I'm sure the team will tell you about it later."

"Alright, I just wanted to make sure that you were okay," you told him, "'cause you looked really pissed. I haven't seen you that pissed off since that one guy tried to make Tadashi cry."

"I don't like it when people make you uncomfortable like that," Kei said. "It really pisses me off."

"Is that why you kept looking at me during the game?" you asked, and Kei wondered if any other girl would've been so honest with him about something like this, or if it as just the fact that you had both spent so much time together growing up. "I noticed that you always looked at me whenever you had the chance."

Kei nodded, gesturing with his head towards the doors, so that he could catch up with the team and talk with you at the same time.

"Yeah, that was one of the reasons. It kept me focused on the scumbag's spikes, and it calmed me down enough so that I didn't punch him whenever we were across the net from each other."

"I kinda wish that you had, but I also know that it would've gotten you ejected from the game, which is not something I want to happen. Anyway, thanks Kei," you told him, smiling up at him.

"Yeah, always," he said, putting his hand on your head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was when you were over at his house Sunday morning when he realized that he might need to call Kuroo and Bokuto.

You, Kei, and Tadashi had had a sleepover, but Tadashi had left early to spend some time with his moms, so Kei had woken up to you with a hand on his chest and his arm numb from where it was pillowing your head.

The three of you had been sitting on Kei's bed watching a movie, but Tadashi had tipped over sometime near the halfway marker, and Kei had fallen asleep not long after that, so he could only assume that you had fallen asleep sometime after Tadashi had left this morning.

Kei turned on his side slowly, not wanting to wake you up, wrapping an arm around your waist softly.

He toyed with your hair, twisting it in his fingers gently, brushing it behind your ear, threading his fingers through it.

He wasn't ready to get up for the day yet, so he laid there with you, wondering how it would be ten years in the future.

Would your hair be longer? Would you cut it shorter? Would you dye it? Would you have kids by then?

That last one had made him pause.

He had always known that short of you dying or some huge falling out, Kei was in no way going to be able to get rid of you or Tadashi, but he had never even considered dating you, let alone anything beyond that.

So why was he wondering what your kids would look like? Why was he wondering how many you would want, if any? Why was he questioning how many stray animals you might bring home after work?

He sounded like every lovesick fool that got his heart broken in those weird movies that Tadashi liked to watch.

Kei glanced down at your face, and he suddenly found himself unable to think of a reality where he didn't wake up like this for the rest of his life.

When had he stopped seeing you as his little sister, or the annoying female friend that all of his classmates admired? When had he started seeing you as someone he could fall in love with, if he hadn't already?

But even with this new revelation, he couldn't bring himself to pull away from you.

Kei loved it when you both bickered like you hated each other, and he loved when you were able to throw back any insulting thing he said to you. He loved being able to have real conversations with you, but he also liked just sitting quietly with you.

This though, this was by far his favorite thing, seeing all the stress gone from your body, seeing your face without any kind of mask on, he adore seeing the calm serenity that came with sleep.

"Mm, Kei?" you asked sleepily, glancing at him. "What time is it?"

"Still early," he murmured, tucking you into his chest again. "Go back to sleep."

"M'kay," you said, nuzzling in close.

Kei waited for a minute before he grabbed his phone and his glasses from the side table, texting Kuroo.

Normally, he would've talked to Tadashi, but Kei didn't want to drag him into anything until he knew for sure, just in case he was wrong.

Kei: I have a question for you

Kuroo: What's up Tsukki-poo?

Kei: First, don't call me that

Kei: Secondly, and this is completely hypothetical, but how do you know when you love someone?

Kuroo: Aww, is my little kouhai in love with someone? How cute!

Kei made a face, taking a deep breath and glancing at you quickly before he turned his attention back to his phone.

Kei: Just answer the question

Kuroo: We're talking hypothetically?

Kei: Yeah

Kuroo: Can't you use the internet for this stuff? Why ask me? Why not ask Freckles? Or the pretty setter on your team?

Kei: The internet would tell me I have cancer, not that I might be in love with someone

Kei: Secondly, as for the setter comment, I'm assuming you mean Suga

Kei: Thirdly, he would go tell Tadashi, and then the possible love interest, and I don't want to deal with any of those things

Kei: So, please, for the sake of my sanity, just answer the question

Kuroo: Alright, alright. Jeesh. Hypothetically, if you were in love with someone you might start noticing their presence more

Kuroo: It would feel almost like you have a compass where the needle points to them, and you can't turn it off. You notice the little things more than normal, and you know them. I mean, really know them. They feel almost like a part of you

Kuroo: Seeing them hurt hurts you. You constantly feel the need to make sure that they're okay. Even the little things that kind of annoy you are a huge part of what you love about them

Kuroo: You find yourself smiling at them, even when they're doing something completely mundane, and you could recognize their voice in a crowd. Suddenly, they went from just another person, to someone that you could find in a crowd, even if they blend in enough that they normally fade into the background

Kuroo: Hypothetically speaking, of course

Kei was surprised by how much his mentor was able to type out in such a short amount of time, but in the end, he was most surprised by how much it lined up with what you had told him earlier. The basics were the same, and Kei sighed, realizing what this meant for him.

Kei: How to I make it stop?

Kei: Hypothetically

Kuroo: When I figure that out, I'll let you know

Kei blinked at that, then sighed again.

Kei: Thanks, Kuroo-san.

Kuroo: Sure thing Skinny, let me know how it goes

Kuroo: Hypothetically, of course

Kei couldn't help but chuckle softly, and he set his phone aside, wondering whether this was going to change anything, and how long he had been in love with you.

He had always noticed the little things about you, it was just a part of him being perceptive, and he had grown up with you, so he automatically knew you better than 80 percent of the people you went to school with.

But he was more in tune with your presence than even Tadashi was. And he had always managed to pick your voice out in a crowd.

He glanced down at you, and suddenly, instead of being worried about if he was in love you, he was more worried about whether you loved him back or not.

Kei debated texting Tadashi, but he decided that it could wait, and he wanted to enjoy this time with you unhindered.

Kei knew that he was never going to say anything unless he was sure you felt the same way about him.

For one thing, you were nice enough that it was entirely possible that you would date him just because you were too nice to say no. For another thing, he wasn't the kind of guy to make a move if he thought it wouldn't lead to a win. Not to mention, that if you he did ask you out and you said no, that might make things awkward in the friend group, and Kei didn't want that to happen.

He had gone this long, right? What was a few more weeks?

But, of course, things didn't go the way that Kei wanted them to.

As the end of a semester approached, as well as the end of the year, projects piled on, as did speeches and tests.

Kei had always done well academically, and he wasn't as stressed as some of the other people he knew, like Hinata and Kageyama.

You seemed to be feeling the pressure too, even though Kei knew that you were going to be getting some of the higher grades in class, just like always.

You were freaking out more than usual, and Kei realized that he needed to do something if he didn't want you to overwork yourself.

He found you on the swings at the park by your house.

He had gone over to make sure that you had eaten something, but your mother had told him that you had gone out earlier, and that she didn't know where you were.

"Hey," he said, announcing his presence as he settled beside you.

"Hey Kei," you replied, staring at the ground in front of you like it held the key to the universe.

"Are you okay?"

"No," you admitted. "I'm so nervous and freaked out that I can't eat anything. I have that weird mineral deficiency so drinking water just makes me really dizzy and I almost passed out when I stood up at the end of the day and there's nothing I can do about it! Not to mention that, once again, I got stuck with the morons that aren't going to do anything to help me with the project so I'm stuck doing everything by myself. For some of my classes, that's okay, I can just tell the teacher that they didn't help, but for some of them they're going to give me that bullshit lecture about working together. I have no idea what to do my speech about for that one class, and I have so many back to back tests that I think I might forget everything!"

Kei let you ramble, watching the way your hands moved around, trying to communicate the stress and anger and nerves that you were experiencing all at once.

He watched the way yours eyes widened and squeezed shut to add extra emphasis. He watched the way you glanced over at him to make sure that he was still paying attention, to make sure that you weren't annoying him, the way you smiled a little bit whenever you noticed that he was watching you and that you weren't annoying him by talking.

Somehow, you started talking about the constant love letters that he was getting.

"I mean, I get that some girls feel the need to have a boyfriend," you said, rolling your eyes, "but I have bigger things to worry about than their attraction to you, you know? One girl gave me a letter the other day, and I was so tired that I didn't realize what it was, and I started to read it and I was caught between wanting to laugh, cry, and hurl all at the same time."

Kei perked up at that.

"It made me kinda sad too," you admitted, your voice quieting. "I mean, it must really suck for you, getting all these letters claiming that they love you when they don't even know that first thing about who you are. I mean, it was hilarious that she even thought that you were interested in getting a girlfriend, and it was sickening how many times she used the words 'hot', 'sexy', and 'unadulteratedly handsome' to describe you."

Kei knew he made a face at that, with the way you laughed, before you continued, your voice even quieter than it had been, "But it made me sad to think that you keep having to read these things. They claim that they love you, that they want to be with you, and they don't even know who you are. Not in a way that matters at least. I don't know, it was just kind of depressing I guess."

You glanced at him, turning to face him.

"I hope you don't mind, but I started throwing them away. I'm getting sick and tired of being their carrier pigeon, and I really hate thinking about you having to deal with them all the time. If they want to confess they can find another way to do it."

"I don't mind, at all," he assured you, and you smiled at him.

But then your smiled faded into something similar to a frown.

"Hey, Kei?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember that promise we made when we were kids?"

"How could I forget? You never shut up about it during middle school," he teased.

"I broke that promise," you whispered. "That was one of the reasons that those letters made me so upset. As someone who has loved you, really loved you, for longer than they've known about you, it made me sick to read some of the things they said. I know that that makes me sound like some kind of possessive bitch, but it's true."

Kei stared at you, wondering if he had just heard that right.

You were in love with him? And had been for more than three years?

Kei felt like the breath had been knocked out of him.

"What's with the face Kei?" you asked. "I thought you knew already."

Kei didn't think that his eyes could get any wider than they were at that moment.

"Y-You . . . I-I what?"

"Come on Kei, you had to have noticed by now," you said, looking more concerned by the second. "I mean, it's not like I act the same way around everyone else that I do around you."

Kei let his brain process the things that you were telling him before he managed to squeak out, "You mean, like a friend thing right?"

You bit your lip, checking his face for something, fiddling with your fingers in your lap.

"No, Kei," you said finally. "I mean like, I want to be your girlfriend kind of love."

You weren't looking at him now, and he was worried you were taking this the wrong way. He didn't want this to end in a misunderstanding so he sighed dramatically.

"So, you're telling me that I could have confessed months ago and avoided the entire overthinking part of my recent internal panic?" he asked, watching the way your brows furrowed with confusion, the way your head whipped up when you finally realized what he was saying to you.

"A-Are you saying that the feeling is mutual?" you asked, eyes wide as you both looked at each other.

"Yes, you dumbass," he teased, smiling softly at you. "I broke that promise too, so it's okay, since we both broke it."

Now you were the one staring at him in disbelief.

Then you were off your swing and pacing in front of them, waving your hands around like a madwoman.

"Holy shit, you love me back," you muttered, glancing at him out of the corner of your eye every few seconds, like you were worried he would disappear. "I-I don't know what to do from here. I never thought that I would get this far. Is . . . is this where we talk about whether we want this to be a serious thing?" you asked. "Is this where we agree that we love each other but we pretend like nothing's changed? What am I supposed to do in this situation?"

"For one thing," Kei said, standing so that he could wrap his hands around your wrists, gently making you look at him. "You could calm down and let me get a word or two in before you make yourself black out."

You nodded, taking a deep breath.

"For another," he continued, "you and I should go back to your house. Your mom is worried sick about you, and you need to eat something before you pass out. We can have a serious talk about what this means once you aren't in danger of passing out from exhaustion or malnutrition."

"Okay, but only because I know that you're going to make me do it anyway," you told him, making him laugh.

You both walked in silence for a while before you asked, "When did you realize?"

"A few months ago," he admitted. "I think I've always known, but that guy- the slimeball that I blocked- got on my nerves enough that I knew it wasn't some platonic 'protect a friend' thing. I started seeing it more and more after that. I talked to Kuroo-san about it when I was nearly 100 percent sure, and that solidified it for me I guess, that night you and Tadashi stayed over and we watched that horrid slasher film. I woke up and you were right there by my side, and suddenly I couldn't imagine waking up any other way."

"That really was a horrible movie," you muttered. "I didn't think you were going to be the cheesy one today, but then again, you are always surprising me. And you didn't think to tell me?"

"I was worried it would make things awkward, and I didn't want to say something and be wrong, you know? Besides, you can't say anything. How long have you known?"

"Do you remember the summer before our third year in middle school and we all stayed at my grandparents' camp for three weeks?"

"That long? We were- what?- twelve?"

"Yeah. I remember that there was a thunderstorm the first night we were there, and I got up in the middle of the night because I couldn't sleep, so I stood on the deck, in a tank top and shorts because I wanted to. I don't even remember how long I had been out there when you wandered out. I remember calling you a dumbass because 'What if I was a murderer?' and you just called me short.

"We both stood there for a few minutes, and when I shivered, you wrapped your arms around my waist from behind me, pressing your chest to my back and calling me an idiot for wearing something so light in the middle of a thunderstorm. Instead of doing the sensible thing and getting a blanket or a jacket, you just hugged me and stood there with me until I couldn't stand it and we went inside."

Kei remembered that. He had seen you standing out on the deck when the lightning had flashed, and he had been worried when you weren't in your room, so he had gone out to check on you.

You had looked so happy, standing there in the rain, listening to the thunder crash in the distance.

He had wanted to stay with you, so he had.

It was one of the first times he had decided that he didn't care what it looked like, he cared for you, and he was going to show it somehow.

Kei slipped his hand into yours, interlacing your fingers together.

You glanced at him, but you didn't say anything, just squeezed his hand and walked with him.

When you both got back to your house, you grabbed a plate of food and plopped down at your desk in your room.

Kei lounged on your bed while you ate, watching you flip through a textbook and scribble notes in between bites of food.

When you pushed the plate to the side, your turned to face him.

"So."

"So."

You both locked eyes and chuckled.

"I already told you what I wanted out of this," you told him, shrugging. "I'm fine with whatever we decide, but that's my best case scenario ending for this."

"You make this sound like a business meeting," he teased, watching you stand up to move next to him on your bed.

"What do you want from this, Kei?" you asked, glancing down at your lap.

"I want you to be my girlfriend," he admitted. "I want to glare at guys that think they even have a chance with you. I want to kiss you for good luck before a game, all that sappy shit that everyone says that I wouldn't be into."

You smiled, laughing a little breathlessly for a moment before you comprehended everything he said.

"All of it?" you asked, turning those damned doe eyes on him again.

"All of it," he confirmed.

You chuckled softly, taking his hand again.

"Good. Me too."

"Good," he replied, pressing a quick kiss to your temple.

You giggled, something that made Kei stop for a moment, because you weren't the type of girl to giggle, at anything.

He smiled softly at you, and he wondered how much shit he was going to get from his team with you around, but he realized that it wasn't anything he needed to worry about yet.

Then he remembered something else.

"Hey, do you want to cause a little chaos?" Kei asked you.

"How so?"

"Remember how I said I talked to Kuroo-san?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, he wanted me to let him know how it went," Kei admitted. "I have him, Bokuto, Akaashi, Lev, and Hinata in a discord group chat. I want to try something, if you're okay with it."

"What do you have in mind?" you asked, arching an eyebrow, a smirk on your lips that said you were up for almost anything.

Skinny: img.jpg

Skinny: Thanks Kuroo-san

five people are typing...

Kei laughed, leaning over to show you the chaos that had ensued when he had sent the group chat the photo of you kissing his cheek.

You giggled at the many exclamation points and question marks, snickering at Kuroo's reply.

"I love you," you told him, kissing his cheek again.

"I love you too," he said, ignoring the calls that were coming through on his phone as he leaned over to cup your face in his hands.

[rattyoakenbitch]

❝𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲❞ ─ 𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐩𝐬𝐞 𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝

but when he loves me i feel like i'm floating

when he calls me pretty i feel like somebody

❥ content ; little gn reader, sfw agere, corpse is a cg, mostly fluff with a smidge of angst

❥ warnings ; daddy issues, childhood trauma, hints of emotional & verbal abuse and of course age regression if ur uncomfy w that stuff. also pet names and the use of the word "daddy" but not in a sexual/smutty context!!! agere is not a kink!!!

❥ synopsis ; you age regress to cope and corpse takes care of you through it all

❥ a/n ; i got a request to write this agere fic a couple months ago on my wattpad! i myself used to be a part of the agere community but it has been years so i forgot a lot of what i learned. however, unlike age play and cgl, agere is just a coping mechanism and totally nonsexual!! pls do ur research before u attack members of the agere community (: ur coping mechanisms are valid!!!

With a frustrated groan, you push yourself away from your desk, now spinning slowly on your little office type chair.

You had procrastinated and hadn't done any of your work, and even when you did try to finish it, you were easily distracted or discouraged by intrustive thoughts.

Your mind would never fail to drift back to memories of when you were younger. However, those memories weren't exactly fond or anything you'd even want to remember.

Yet they were there, either popping up unexpectedly or lingering in the back of your unconcious mind.

You were snapped out of your thoughts when you felt two strong arms wrap around you, causing you to nearly jump out of your seat.

Corpse hummed. "Are you done with your work yet, darling?"

"Can't finish it.. My brain doesn't wanna co-operate with me today, or ever," you whine, feeling angry tears begin to form behind your waterline.

Corpse sensed the anxiety and frustration in your voice and immediately knew the cause.

"You're not a failure, Y/N. Your father was wrong, and you know it."

"Yeah, but hearing his words in my head don't exactly help when I'm trying to work."

"I know, baby, I know," Still not letting you free from his embrace, Corpse held your significantly smaller hands in his. "But he's not here. It's just me, doll. You're safe."

He knew what he was doing. And he knew that you knew.

You pulled away from his hold, now standing up to face him. He as well stood up to his full height, looking down at you with soft, comforting eyes.

"A-Are you sure I can..?" You ask timidly, looking down at the floor to avoid his gaze. He nods encouragingly.

"Of course, doll. I'll take care of you."

He brings his hand to caress your face and tilts it upwards so your eyes met.

Your eyes dart across the room, looking anywhere but into Corpse's own eyes.

"Tsk, eyes on me, baby."

You hesitantly bring your eyes back to meet his, prompting Corpse to praise you. You feel the blood rush to your cheeks at this.

"You promise?? I don't wanna be a distraction, I-"

Wordlessly, Corpse brushes his thumb on your bottom lip, causing you to quiet down immediately.

"What are you saying? I always have time for you. Now c'mon."

You giggle as Corpse lifts you up into his arms bridal style and takes you to the living room.

You end up watching a Studio Ghibli movie together, tucked underneath blankets and with you snuggled up into Corpse's chest.

At some point during the movie, you unwrap one of Corpse's arms around you and take his hand. This causes Corpse to unconciously hold your hand in his big, calloused ones, adorned with metal rings.

You both look down to where he held you.

"Awe, now would you look at that. Your hand looks so cute, the way it fits in mine," he coos, causing you to sink further into your blankets, hiding your blush.

"Mm stop," you pout, only making Corpse chuckle some more.

"You're hiding because you're blushing?"

"Yes!! Now stop laughing, you big meanie."

Corpse only responds by lifting you back onto his lap, resting his chin on your head.

"Aww, you really are blushing like a rose," Corpse fawns. "Aren't you just a pretty little thing?"

You decide not to sass back and instead accept the praise.

As you both refocused your attention on the screen, Corpse lets go of your hand and instead runs his fingers through your hair. You hum in satisfaction, leaning into his touch. Corpse continues to do this all while he whispers sweet nothings and praises in your ear until you drift off into a blissful sleep.

After what feels like an hour later, but was really just thirty minutes, Corpse's phone chimes, his screen lighting up to reveal a text notification.

As softly as he can, Corpse reaches over to the side table to grab his phone. Despite his efforts, you wake up from the movement and the sudden lack of warmth that was once wrapped around your body.

You huff in annoyance.

"I thought you said you weren't busyyy."

"I know, little one. Sean wants me to join a game with the others. If you want, you can watch us play. We won't be streaming."

You nod in agreement, and once again, Corpse carries you into the studio, setting you down on his lap soon as he sits down.

You hear a little beep, followed by a variety of voices, all talking above one another. It comes to a stop, though, and you're relieved of the overstimulation as soon as they realize Corpse had joined the call.

"Hey, Corpse is here!"

"What's up, Corpse?"

"Hey guys," Corpse greets them. "I hope you don't mind that Y/N's with me right now. They're little again and I promised I'd spend time with them."

You heard some 'aww's' in the back as voices overlapped again.

"Oh, no, yeah of course we're okay with that."

"That's really sweet!"

"All right, guys, no cursing or excessive yelling! If you scare Y/N, you're gonna have me to answer to!"

Though they couldn't see you, you still shyly huddled closer into Corpse's chest. Corpse's friends, being your friends as well, knew that you were an age regressor and were fully supportive and accepting. So this wasn't the only occassion where they'd played with little you around to watch.

"Thank you," you mumbled sleepily into the mic before yawning and laying back down into Corpse.

He gives you a kiss on the top of your head before he goes back to chatting and playing with his friends. An hour passes, and then it's night. The cold nighttime air seeps in through the windows, causing goosebumps to form on your exposed skin.

Silently, you tug at Corpse's hoodie, prompting him to look down at you. Though you've been quiet throughout the past hour, Corpse hadn't forgotten about you.

He raises a brow, confused for a second until you grab at his hoodie again with pleading eyes.

"'M cold, daddy."

"Shh, okay, baby, I got you."

Corpse pulls his sweater over his head, and on instinct, you raise your arms up as well. Corpse takes his hoodie and puts it on you, causing you to giggle in delight.

"There you go. Is that better?"

You beam, "Mhm!"

As Corpse shared this moment with you, he was still blissfully unaware that his mic was still on. That was, until he heard the choruses of "awe's" in his headphones.

[ootori-sibs]

I am once again thinking about kyoya's awful mental health in the anime

Tw for abuse mentions and also just a lot of mental issues.

The fact that despite kyoya's character arc showing how deeply flawed and hurt he was, and how disconnected he is from reality and how the people around him actually think. The fact that despite this, there was no real healing for him is infuriating. I know this is probably a show issue, Idk I haven't finished the manga. It just hits me sometimes how incredibly sad kyoya's arc is. Because it isn't his arc, it's just Haruhi learning that he's an actual person with depth. It's just her learning about how sad he is. There's no healing for kyoya; the closest he comes to healing is episode 24 and even that's just making a real friend- that isn't going to fix anything, it's just something else for him to fixate on. The closest Haruhi came to helping him was episode 8, where she called him out for trying to help tamaki in the stupidest possible way.

He's always portrayed as having his shit together and being the mastermind behind everything. But the fact that throughout the show, he was planning to throw his father's company back in his face is just sad, it's not a moment of victory- it looks like it, kyoya certainly will feel satisfaction and his father is proud of him for it. But the fact that this is the only way he can let go of something that he had wanted so desperately for years- in a spiteful and angry way. It's a step towards healing, but it's not a healthy way to go about it.

Now I want to talk about the finale, the cultural festival. Think about how stressed kyoya would have already been? Then his father hits him; something that kyoya said he had been expecting. This means that whilst planning and budgeting for the club's part in the festival, kyoya was planning and probably practicing how he would react to getting hit in front of his friends. And this wasn't fully addressed, which- yeah it's a kids show, bit you can't just have a detail like that and not address it.

Then you've got the eclair debacle, where this stranger threatens to take away kyoya's best friend. You can't tell me that wasn't the thought process kyoya went through, the boy has been shown to be protective and to care deeply about tamaki. So kyoya likely experienced a lot of anger and fear. In fact we know he was angry, because of how he dented that car. And let's ignore all jokes about the super human strength it would require to dent an armoured vehicles and talk about how strength like that is genetic, meaning that when Yoshio hit him...

But yeah, there wasn't enough of kyoya in that episode, but what worries me the most is the scenes we don't see; what did kyoya do whilst honey and Mori were fighting the bos? Did he just sit there? I doubt he could help them fight: those men were hired by the Ootoris, they likely know how to restrain the ootori children without hurting them- especially with the way we see Yoshio treat his children, he would absolutely use the bos to deal with tantrums. When we see Haruhi doing stuff around, trying to fix things and figure things out, we don't see the other hosts- we don't see kyoya. I always think he probably had at least one panic attack that day; the concept of your best friend losing (shipping or not), is traumatic, even if it had a happy ending. But adding the pending dissolution of the club? Kyoya's only thing he had going on other then school and buisness, no matter how dismissive he was, we know how much he cared about the club and we see how much work he puts into it. He's loosing what must feel like the only good thing in his life.

Then he sends Haruhi to save it all.

Haruhi; the one that's new to the club, the commoner in their world. The little time kyoya's spend with Haruhi has been Haruhi talking to him and either coming to the conclusion that he's a dick, or that he's a real person with real feelings. As far as we're aware, kyoya's only opinion of Haruhi is that she's sensible and fascinating- which as far as I'm concerned, it's enough to say that they're friends. Kyoya's seen the way that tamaki fawns over her, and we've seen him express being tired by the attention he received, so it's unlikely he feels bitter towards her, but instead solidarity. Although he is highly protective but by now we've established that Haruhi is good and sensible, and kyoya sees this. So when he sends Haruhi out to save tamaki, kyoya is sending the best person he can think of to reach tamaki on a personal level- and heaven knows she's better at emotions than he is. And they've had a conversation about kyoya being bad at getting points across on personal levels, and he knows that when he gets emotional he does stupid things.

So it's very likely that he sees Haruhi as what he could be if he had his shit together.

Kyoya's emotional issues are another thing I think we should touch on, he's really irrational when he's emotional. He threatens violence when he's tired and annoyed, he full on attacks tamaki when he can't process the emotions he's feeling in episode 24. Then in episode 8, the way he tries to convey a point to Haruhi is completely out of order, but when you look at the fact that he's so distant and analytical towards people, it makes more sense. He isn't familiar with people, he only knows how to manipulate them. Actually talking to people on a human level is foreign to him. We also know how irrational he is when emotional. So when he's just come down from being a little worried about her, and when he's annoyed that the one time tamaki tries to level with Haruhi, she gets mad at him. So he's just defending his friend and explaining a point to Haruhi, it doesn't even cross his mind that he is behaving wildly out of line.

Then there's the matter of family; we know a lot about kyoya's family, but also nothing at the same time. He's got three older siblings but we only see one in the show, from the scenes we get glimpses of his brothers, we see them together- perhaps they're close? But they definitely seem more laid back than kyoya from the scene in episode 24 where they're just lounging around, listening to tamaki play piano. They definitely don't have as much pressure as he does- from his perspective at least. We've seen how hard heirs have to work, we've also seen how much second sons fight against the first. So it's very likely that they're under a lot of pressure two, but it's also very likely that kyoya's only seen them at their best. He's the youngest, he's going through all his rough patches and awkward spots at the same time as his siblings blooming and coming into the spotlight, and he's surrounded by perfection. The only changes he got to see his siblings be awkward, would be when he was very young, so it's unlikely he remembers them as anything other than unattainable perfection. Fiyumi is the only one we see bonding with him in the show, and that's in episode 24, when he's in middle school. So it's unclear if she still spends as much time with him. Safe to say he's a little disconnected from his siblings, with a minimum age gap of 5 between them.

As for parents, we already know what yoshio's like; whether or not you think he's physically abusive, he's still incredibly emotionally distant and manipulative. He's only proud of kyoya when kyoya goes above and beyond to spite him. Yoshio treats his children like they're employees, except for social situations, in which we see him either boasting about them, or humiliating them. I would not be too surprised to find that every ootori child has daddy issues. Of course that raises the question; did they have any good parent? Where is their mother? We know absolutely nothing about Mrs ootori but the fact that she's never seen nor mentioned means that she was either a bad mother but not as notable as Yoshio, or not in the picture at all. Either way, that obviously isn't good for kyoya.

All of these issues, and no healing for kyoya? There aren't enough fix-it-fics in the world to help my boy.