#it's understandable that it would inevitably reach a breaking point

[merakiui]

so when they said he threw a tantrum…💀

MY REACTION AFTER SEEING THE NEW AZULS!!!!!!!!

TO SEE THE MOU YADA ILLUSTRATED............ omg it's perfect. The look Leona's giving him LOLLLLLL. Ruggie's shocked face!!!! Azul quite literally thrashing on the ground like a spoiled child who was told no. Throwing that big of a tantrum at his grown age....... 😵‍💫 he's CRAZY BONKERS. I love him too much. (♡ˊ͈ ꒳ ˋ͈)

On a side note, I absolutely adore how the manga portrays these (Riddle's, Leona's, and Azul's) mental breakdowns. They're not cute or pretty; they're exceptionally ugly and raw and volatile. It captures the energy very well!!

[caffieneaddictt18]

okay but like… 141 with a partner who has chronic lower back pain.

I feel like Price would notice when you cant bend down mostly cause he likes sneaking peeks at your ass and notice the way your hand reaches around to press into the muscle. “You alright, luvie?” “Yeah. Fine.” He can just tell from the strain in your voice that it hurts, so he gets up and grabs a bottle of lotion. You’ve told him before that you have chronic lower back pain, and sometimes it flares up. Not too bad, but other times you can’t get out of bed. So he takes the lotion and gently guided you to the couch and has you lay down on your tummy as he pushes your shirt up just enough to massage the tender skin, muscles, and aggravated nerves. He might give it a kiss after and then he’ll flip you over and ask for his reward 😉

I headcanon that Simon also has chronic back pain, so he knows all about it. He has all the stuff for it already. Ice packs, heating pads, massage lotion, all the goods. So when you tell him that you have chronic lower back pain, he doesn’t even blink. However, whenever you have a flare up, he is always right there to help. He’s also one to remind you to not do too much just because it feels good today, when you inevitably ignore him and have a flare up so bad you can’t get out bed, he is also the one to take care of your bedridden self. "I told you, luv." "Yeah, yeah..."

Johnny would be the one that you have to sit down with and explain to him your situation, and then he would be like "Oh, yeah! I get that sometimes!" and you have to be the one to break the news that what he feels sometimes, you feel all the time, and you can see it break his heart. Now he doesn't let you do anything the moment he sees your hand on your back. You are ushered to your comfortable bed that he bought after you explained your pain to him, with a heating pad/ice pack for your back, a full water bottle, and the remote for the tv, as well as your phone, in case you need him as he finishes whatever you had to do for the rest of the day. He also does it in half the time... jerk (not really, just a man who is deeply in love with his soon-to-be wife)

Gaz, you see that he gets it. He kind of immediately understands. He does ask for you to trace where the pain is on him, so he can get a better understanding of it. As you spread your fingers to cover the entire area of where your pain would sit on him, or at least a similar equivalent, tracing up and down to where it spreads, he asks what it feels like right now. And you tell him that it's at baseline right now: that you can move fine, it's just with that added pain that you feel every day. From then on, he is aware of whenever flare-ups start. It's fucking weird too, like, sixth sense weird. You could have a normal day, and when you head to bed, you see Kyle laying out your heating pad and placing a water bottle on your nightstand. "What are you doing?" "Just got a feeling, darling." And the next morning, a random flare up, like he fucking thought. "How did you know?" "Cause I know you, darling." Then he'll kiss your forehead and be at your beck and call all day.

If it was a poly!141, I have a feeling that Simon would take point when he could. But if you both are down for the count, Price would take point on making sure that you both have everything you need, stationed in the living room, one on the couch and one on the old recliner that Price tends to populate. And then, at the end of the day, its a huge cuddle pile and movie night.

[skyrigel]

You are in love 11 | B.B

Part 1 of " You are in love "

Pairing: Benedict bridgerton x best friend! Reader

Warning: smut, 18+, p in v ( rough), fingering, fluffy fluff, Idiots in love, might have used whore, use of f word( alot) double orgasm, teasing, inexperienced! Reader, horny! Reader

Rigel's note 🪩: aftermath of my " You are in love 1 ", this is the confrontation and smut part of the request. My cow is so angry at me—i write so cringe sometimes, 10 points to your house if you find 1989 ref other than title.

You can hear it in the silence...

It was only a minute after you laid in your bed, you heard it, a soft thud against your window followed by another.

Your heart dreaded because it wasn't the first time your best friend had thrown rocks at your window, first time—when he called you a duck in front of lord Ivor, a childhood memory and second when he was bored so he thought calling upon his fairer sex friend would be the best choice and another time—

This particular one was very violent against the glass and for a moment you wondered if it would break, you pushed the blankets aside, feeling the night chill settle in your bones as you pulled your night gown closer.

Your feet touched the cold floor, chill reaching up your spine as you dragged yourself to the window and there he was.

Basking under the moonlight and ever so beautiful, his cheeks flushed like he had run miles and his heart heaving, his eyes widened at your silhouette and a deep sigh escaped just after a smile took refuge on his lips, those treacherous lips.

You opened the window, he dropped the pebble.

" Benedict ! " You screamed whispered down at him, his smile grew but his expressions were pained, like he was deeply confused.

" Can we talk ? " It was loud and clear, echoing in the dark, he wasn't drunk but there was something very intoxicating about him.

You face palmed, feeling your heart sink because you still haven't forget the warm tingling, still haven't forgotten the way your heart cart wheeled along with everything inside you, crawling it's way to Benedict.

Every friendly castle crumbling in mere moments, just by remembering how tenderly his mouth moved when he was protecting you and how tenderly it would be to have it against your—

" Please, please, please, " He chanted, not attempting to keep it low, then he dropped to his knees and even in the dark you couldn't mistake the silvery bead, those were tears.

" Give me one chance, let me talk, let me—"

" I am coming ! " You leaned across the sill, telling him shush with your fingers as you backed away, running out of your room but tiptoeing all right, missing the third step because it creaked and opening the back door soundlessly to your secret gardens.

Despite the fear of getting caught and chill that was swirling, your own heart wasn't being much help, your face grew warm at the mere sight of him and let alone the other embarassing things that he did to you, just by existing.

" Are you mad ? " You stomped your feet across him, crossing your arms as he looked up, his knees penetrating in grass, like he was begging for all of his sins, like you were something to worship, like a false god.

Benedict's eyes were red in the moonish glow, he was radiating, he was crying, he was so very beautiful.

" You are really mad Benedict ! Go home, we will talk tomorrow—"

" I thought i lost you." He said, it was more of a cry but you were too baffled to form words anymore. He sniffed.

" I thought i would never see you again...when I lost you...my heart..my heart was the closest to exploding." He said, clutching his heart as his lips parted in a gasp. It was paining him but it pained you all the same.

" Oh Benedict." You whispered, your hand inevitably caressing his cheek as he shaked his head profusely.

" You don't understand how much... fuck...I came here all the way thinking you would be gone somewhere i couldn't follow...like i fucked everything again—"

" You ran all the way here ?! " You garbbed his chin, you knew it would hurt but you needed to know this.

" That's not the point." He avoided your gaze but you jerked him right up, eye to eye.

" Are you fucking mad Benedict ?! Are you drunk ? " You leaned to sniff his mouth but he only reeked of the few lemonade he downed with you.

" I...no...I am sorry." Benedict swallowed hard, his adam rolled and readjusted again and the warmness was there again, spreading through the creaks of your bones.

" That was really stupid Benedict." You said softly, you couldn't imagine what whistledown would write if she had seen him running wild.

" I know, I know...it just seemed right to me, like I couldn't stop myself even if I tried but I am sorry, i don't wanna lose you, and I meant it all, truly and completely." Benedict said, his hand grabbing your wrist like you would run away and leave him.

" Benedict we aren't talking about running..?"

Benedict's brow raised as he worried his jaw, his eyes dazed as they lingered on your lips more than it was approved by.

" I am talking about.. about my defending you but I swear I wasn't trying to be hero or some knight in shining armour, i just wanted to be there like you were always for me." He inhaled sharply, you were knocked out of your breath as you tried to breathe and speak and failing in both.

" I know..I know I have embarassed you deeply and i am so sorry, i am—"

" Benedict shut up." You yanked your hand away from his grip, breathing harder as he watched grimly, not making a sound.

" That..." You bited your lip, " I'm..." Your heart was beating too fast and your cheeks deepened in colour as you turned to him.

" Hot." You said finally, gripping your night gown as your knuckles went white, all blood rushing to your face and places too holy.

" You're hot ? " Benedict tried but a grin tiptoed it's way and it was so beautiful across his face that you wanted to feel it against your own lips. Shut up !

" What you did for me Benedict...it was...it was the hottest thing you ever did...you were..oh my god...you were on fire." You closed your eyes, feeling yourself vibrate throughout your body with just his heavy gaze.

" I thought," he recovered his slackened jaw, smiling like a star,", i embarassed you."

" You could never ! " You shaked your head, taking a step, not much, it was enough.

" And the time I called you a duckling? " He laughed, sound rich and melodic and that's how you loved him the most, free and feral.

" Well you could be an idiot sometimes." You chuckled softly, taking a deep breath as Benedict outstretched his hand.

" I know, I know...I am such an idiot and that's why I need you, I want you by my side." He said earnestly, you took his hand as he pulled you closer.

" This...it has been a torment all this time." He whispered it lowly, voice heavy as he kissed each word on your knuckles, your brain was dead in it's wake.

" Benedict." You exhaled, this would ruin you, there would be no coming back.

" I watched you leave and i...I thought what would become of me and there was only one answer—nothing, there's no me without you. I can't imagine a life where it's not us." He brought your palm closer to his lips, pressing them softly, inking each syllable.

" Benedict." You shaked your head because you would do something very stupid if he didn't stop, Benedict stood up, his knees buckling and making an odd sound.

" So you must know, it can't wait anymore because I can't keep it in, it's killing me." Oh how much it was killing you, little did he know, You felt the moment stop when he leaned down, his breath heavy on your cheek as his eyes darted to you.

" You're my best friend." He said, and you knew what it was, he is in love.

Then he kissed you, soft warm lips against yours and it was only a moment before he pulled away.

" I am sorry...fuck—"

" Don't ever apologise for that ! " You pulled him by his collar, crashing your lips again like waves meeting the shore, it was like your soul was crawling out for Benedict and nothing else mattered.

A moan escaped his mouth and your whole body shuddered at the sound he was making, those sound that drowned in your own mouth as your devoured him, you felt him grinning against you and oh you could die, In silent screams and even in your wildest dreams, you never dreamt of this.

Breathless, you spared a moment and he looked so beautiful with his swollen kissed lips beaming up with your saliva. Your.

" I... Benedict...more." your cheeks blazed, you were damn sure your ears were red because Benedict looked like he was about to die, his grin splitting his whole face in half.

" This..it was perfect ! " He said, dipping down to kiss your cheek, you thought he would pull away but he then rested his forehead against yours, your breathing leveling with his in synchronise. It felt real, all of it.

He pulled you by your waist, nose bumping in yours.

" I want to give you everything..." He breathed, " everything that you want."

" I want it Benedict." You were only half aware of the thing you wanted from him, perhaps to entwine your souls together, you weren't sure but this torment was too much.

His thumb caressed your lips and then your jaw, making stars and circles as he whispered in a amused little voice.

" We must wait—" you kissed him, hard on his mouth and you were sure someone's tooth was chipped but it melted the pain as soon as his mouth parted for you, his tongue swiping across your lower lip like a Eden's feather.

You were holding his face like it was your life support and he was too holding you back like you were his most precious treasure, his hands were slowly progressing up your thigh, your night gown sliding up. He stopped, you stopped tugging at his hair and felt him whine against your mouth, nipping in response. You guided his hand to your slick as oil womanhood, he gasped against you.

His eyes were shining brighter than every star that hanged high.

" Oh." His fingers touched you and you thought you would die just there, moaning like you never had.

" You are...you are wet." He said, his cheeks deepening in heat and colour, his smile becoming a grin as your eyes dazed.

" Fuck ! " You moaned, arching back when he swiped his one long finger against you, Benedict moaned just the same.

" Oh lord...oh lord..oh fucking lord." Benedict groaned, you were sure he smiled wickedly before his finger penetrated inside you.

The coil in your stomach lurched and something heavy dropped inside you.

" It might..it might.. might hurt." Benedict dropped his head to the crook of your neck, kissing once before he set his eyes on you.

You winced as one finger became two, pulsing inside you, your soul was no longer inside you and it was as if you were floating.

" Ben...oh—" you almost cried, your eyes tearing up when his pace increased and he was panting and shaking, his eyes widening when you came with a sharp cry, thighs shaking and turning to jelly as Benedict watched dazedly.

" Fuck i ruined..I ruined — " you looked as Benedict withdrew his fingers covered in silvery thick juices.

" Shhh... " He cooed, smiling as he brought his fingers to his mouth, you gawked as he wickedly sucked them in, humming at the sweetness. " You were beautiful."

" Can we..can we go inside ? " You were being nasty, you knew but what you wouldn't give to see Benedict, whole of him, raw and naked.

" I...I would love to but in order to keep your virtue intact—

" Shut up ! " You groaned, taking his hand.

" Anthony will kill me." He shrugged, entwinng your fingers together and they moulded like they were made for each other.

" I will kill you." You said, he smiled like the devil he was.

-

You can feel it on your way home...

" Hey." You laughed when he pinned you against your father's study, kissing you deeply, " shhh..." He smiled, lowering his head to your cleavage, licking it, placing open mouthed kisses all along.

" My father's on hunt, he will come tommorow" You whispered, the servants were the only concern and honestly, there was hardly any concern.

" Good, tommorow i am talking to you father." He smiled up at you, kissing your flesh and you mouthed all prayers you knew.

" Wh..y ? " You said, Benedict hoisted you up, his hands underneath your thigh as he carried you up, missing the third step because he knew, he has been here.

" To marry you my little kangaroo." He laughed when you deadpanned at him.

" Call me that vile thing again and I will say no." You hid your face in his neck, smiling.

" Well since you're smiling—ow"

" Not smiling! " You nipped at his skin, salty and just like Benedict, it was like a dream come true, to kiss him, to love him, to have him.

" What should I call you then cupcake ? " He pushed open the door, lowering you gently down on the couch as he backed away.

" Cupcake ? " You offered, he mouthed a 'sweet' before he removed his waist coat.

" Oh lord..." You gasped as one by one Benedict began to discard his clothes, his skin gleaming with sweat and beauty, he was like the one poets wrote poems about, he was artist but he was art in himself, dazzling and ever so mesmerising.

" C'mon, don't act like you're unimpressed." He wiggled his eyebrow, teasing as he started to work on his breeches, you felt warmth tingling throughout you, you demanded touch because you were starving.

" You're like a poetry." You said, it was more of a breath but he heard it anyway, stopping as held the last bits of dignity together.

" You have called me poetry earlier too."

" Byron's poetry."

" But poetry indeed." He dropped the last clothing, naked and bare in front of you and like every bit about him, he was beautiful.

" My snowman..." You couldn't hold back the grin, Benedict was all macho and bravado but it crumbled when he strided towards you, he so wanted you to like him, every bit of him, whole of him and you did, with your whole heart you would love this man, forevermore.

" Yours." He mouthed, coming over you, his fingers undoing your nightgown and it was revealed that Benedict was rather good with buttons.

He sensed the way your body shivered at his touch, his fingers examining the work he did there with his mouth, he looked at you, you nodded, your night gown slipped down.

" Oh my...you have been hiding this from me ?! From an artist ?! " He sniffed down your body, placing tender kisses all over.

" Really ? I don't know...never thought I was much of bea—" Benedict shut you up with a kiss.

" You're the most gorgeous person I ever met and-" he kissed you again, " my sweet little kangaroo, so please." He shaked his head.

His length twitched on your thigh and you dare not look down.

" It's okay." He said, " all yours." He added with a wink, you glanced at his hardened leaking length, red angry at its head.

A desire in you swirled, to touch it, to hold it, to claim it, you brought your hand before Benedict pulled away, scaring you.

" I am sorry, I am sorry." You threw your hands back, Benedict opened his mouth abruptly.

" Oh no, i would let you fence with it later but right now I really really want to make it good for you."

" Right...I don't know what it meant but..that fencing part Benedict?! " You giggled, Benedict laughed, placing himself between your legs.

" It...it might hurt babe." He said, you stopped giggling.

" Not much." He assured, placing a kiss on your stomach, you so needed to be filled by him, his slender fingers could make you see heaven, you were dying to think where his thickness would take you. He was going to split you, you were going to very much enjoy it.

" Are you sure.. because..we can just do any other time...like wait for marriage, " you made a face, " not that I am not interested...you have no idea how much I am dying to see you scream my name."

" Benedict." You teased, putting all your seduction in it, Benedict eye rolled fondly.

" Oh Benedict! " You said it louder, Benedict eyes were blazing, the vein on his neck was throbbing like worm set free.

" You have no idea what you have done." He practically growled, taking your hand as his tip teased your entrance, you really didn't.

Your heart stopped when only his tip pushed through your folds, your resistance at it's peak, a beak of sweat tricked down your cleavage, Benedict closed his eyes, muttering something.

" Fuck..fuck you're so tight." He hastily said, his length pressing inside, you looked at how he was only half inside but you were already panting and moaning like a whore.

" Oh fuck ! " You screamed as he pushed all at once inside you, his hips smacking against yours making an obscene noise.

" I am gonna make you see stars." He said, his voice shaky but determination was dripping as he slowly thursted, once—your head threw back, twice—you were no longer bounded in body and space, thrice—your eyes closed and it was just stars and cosmic rays, you lost count and control as Benedict set his pace in a feral way, he was pushing inside you like beast set free, his hips rolled and slammed down at you with an alarming rate, they left a burning pain before he striked again.

" Benedict ! " You were screaming, your breasts rolling up and down and he watched devilishly, penetrating into your hole, plunging inside, your jaw slackened like his, his drool dripped down as he was lost somewhere, in his own daze.

He pounded inside you, his breath caught in his throat and his face red, you only half registered when he lowered his whole body, his mouth inches away from you and his thursted one final hard one.

" Oh my god ! " He bited his lips, his knees buckling as his cry sharpened, you felt the insides of your swirl with warmness, arching back, mouth agape with moans he brought out of you, the coil inside your stomach loosened as you came, body going limp. It was the second time you felt mere smoke in existence, everything dizzied while you short circuited.

You opened your eyes to look at him, your devil, your snowman, he was panting, his hair plastered to his forehead, his smile dazed.

" Was it good? " He nuzzled his nose in the crook of your neck, you were aware of his juices mixing with yours inside you and it made your nipples hard, just by thinking.

" Ama..zing." you kissed his forehead, his limp cock still inside you, you liked how full it made you feel, like complete.

" I was thinking about a snowman waltzing." He laughed lowly, it's sound buzzing inside your skin, you didn't get why.

" Why ? "

" Umm...to last longer because.. because I would have come just by the way you looked at me."

" I was looking like a perv ?! " You huffed, he glanced up, his mouth easing your hardened nipple, speaking around it.

" Oh yes, like you couldn't get enough of me, you have compromised me, now you must marry me to keep my virtue entact." He sucked back again, you chuckled, feeling the corner of your eyes glistented with tears.

It was several moments gone, his head on your chest as you scatched his scalp, untangling his hair and occasionally pulling him for a kiss, he was still inside you, coaxing inside your warmness, relishing.

" Benedict." You whispered, not bothering if he had slept already.

" Huh." He mumbled softly, heavy with sleep.

" You're my best friend." you knew what it was, you are in love.

[solxamber]

A valentines request 💕 (the influx of requests after book 7’s update must be overwhelming haha, please take your time!!)

Vil, romantic, “If it’s make believe, why does it feel like a vow we’ll both uphold somehow? What if he’s written ‘mine’ on my upper thigh only in my mind?” (Guilty As Sin - Taylor Swift)

Link : https://youtu.be/OOYlWF6V8t8?si=su5K_CNvS_W2G5jN

Showmance || Vil Schoenheit

𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐲 𝐕𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞'𝐬 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭

𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠: Guilty as Sin? by Taylor Swift

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 820

𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐬: Costars to lovers, showmance, Mutual pining

The first time you met Vil, it was under the glare of stage lights and the scrutiny of a dozen casting directors. The chemistry was instant, electric in a way that made the producers exchange delighted glances.

You didn’t know it then, but that moment would mark the beginning of something far more complicated than just playing pretend lovers.

The romance drama you both starred in had captivated audiences, a story dripping in tension, longing gazes, and kisses stolen in the rain. Every scene, every carefully rehearsed embrace, every whispered confession felt real—maybe too real.

Late-night rehearsals blurred into early mornings. You knew how Vil liked his eggs—soft, just barely runny, seasoned with a pinch of pink salt. He memorized your coffee order, down to the precise ratio of milk to espresso. It wasn’t just acting anymore; it was instinct.

But you weren’t the only one suffering under the weight of blurred lines. Vil, composed and refined, carried himself with a grace untouchable by most. Yet, even he wasn’t immune.

He was always the perfect co-star, always professional—until the cameras stopped rolling, and his touch lingered just a second too long. Until his eyes, sharp and piercing, softened in ways they shouldn’t when he looked at you.

Still, you played your roles.

Hand in hand, you navigated through paparazzi, his presence a shield against the blinding flashes. On red carpets, he stood close, the warmth of his body seeping into yours as he murmured, “Tilt your chin slightly. The lighting will flatter you more.”

In interviews, he praised your talent, spoke of you with a reverence that made your chest ache. The way he gazed at you—steady, unwavering—left audiences convinced.

"They’re so in love," the headlines declared.

If only they knew.

Vil dreamed of you. He dreamed of untying the ribbons of your outfit, tracing the dips and curves of your silhouette like an artist memorizing their masterpiece. He dreamed of calling you his, not for the cameras, not for the show, but in a way that would make the entire world understand that you belonged to him.

You dreamed of him too. Of his hands, his voice, the way he could undo you with nothing but a single glance. You dreamed of his name against your lips, of him writing "mine" on your skin, branding you with devotion.

But they were only dreams.

The script for the final episode was spread between you, its pages crinkled from hours of flipping back and forth. The last scene was a confession, the culmination of everything your characters had fought against, every moment of tension reaching its inevitable breaking point.

You were curled into Vil’s couch, script in hand, reading the lines under your breath.

"I never wanted to fall for you. I tried to stop it, I really did."

You turned to Vil, expecting his usual measured advice on how to deliver the words. Instead, you found him already watching you. The golden glow of the lamp cast shadows across his features, his lips parted as if caught mid-thought.

“Vil?”

He inhaled sharply. “Say it again.”

You blinked. “Say what?”

“The line.”

You cleared your throat. "I never wanted to fall for you. I tried to stop it, I really did."

His jaw clenched. “And yet?”

You hesitated. “And yet, I couldn’t help myself.”

Silence stretched between you, heavy, suffocating. You felt it like a storm rolling in, inevitable, inescapable.

Vil moved before you could process it, his fingers threading into your hair, his other hand tilting your chin. His breath fanned against your lips, and for the first time since you met him, he wasn’t composed. He wasn’t refined.

He was desperate.

The script slipped from your fingers, landing in a forgotten heap on the floor. Then his lips were on yours, warm and insistent, tasting of wine and unspoken promises.

Your fingers found purchase against his chest, gripping the silk of his shirt as you pulled him closer. He made a noise—a low, aching sound that sent a shiver down your spine.

His hands traced the shape of your jaw, your throat, as if memorizing you in ways he hadn’t been allowed to before. He kissed you like you were the most exquisite sin he’d ever commit, like he was willing to bear the guilt if it meant he could have you.

When you finally parted, breathless and dazed, his forehead rested against yours. “Tell me this isn’t just a dream,” he murmured, voice hoarse.

You cupped his face, tracing the sharp line of his cheekbone with your thumb. “If it is, I don’t ever want to wake up.”

Vil smiled then—soft, real, breathtaking.

The next time you sat in an interview, fingers intertwined beneath the table, the answer was no longer a lie.

Because this time, when Vil looked at you like you were his entire world, it wasn’t for the cameras.

It was simply the truth.

Masterlist ; Valentine's Event

[natfive9]

Here is the post that everyone is waiting for regarding Killerbait/kat/kit. 

I just want to preface by saying, if this blog gets confusing at any point, I am willing to answer questions that anyone has. I will NOT be exposing her real name or identity to the public. As there are pedophiles that interacted with her and could potentially cause harm if they became obsessive enough. I am all too familiar with the way that the online-world works and I do not wish any form of physical harm on her. After all, I knew Kat & loved her for nearly four years. 

I’m going to try to keep this as simple as I can so everyone can understand. But breaking down almost four years of details will get complicated. 

So let’s start from the beginning:

I met Kat during my sophomore year of high school. I was 15 at the time and she was 15 as well. We are the same age, I am just a few months older than her. Which makes us BOTH currently the age of 17. We are both still minors. We became friends very quickly and connected over TLOU because we both made edits of the game and met through TikTok which is how we even became associated with each other. I had a girlfriend at the time, but we both had (unstated) feelings for each other than didn’t get acted on until late into my junior year. In the mean time, she had a different girlfriend after realizing that I wasn’t “available.” We remained friends throughout this entire period of time, there were instances where we didn’t speak as much just because I have a very busy life and so did she. Towards the end of her and her ex girlfriend’s relationship, we got close again, and I even got close with her ex girlfriend. We had a group chat together and we all spoke everyday for a couple of weeks until eventually, her and her girlfriend’s relationship came to an end. Which brings me into the next chapter of Kat and I’s life “together.” 

Me and Kat started dating in December of 2023. And we broke up as of this Tuesday. We were together for a year and three months. Our relationship was completely okay up until around August/September. We started fighting over things but they always got resolved and things would be fine, until inevitably they weren’t. And I have just found out yesterday, that she had actually reached out to her ex girlfriend- claiming I was “aggressive” and that there were “other girls.” Both of which are false allegations against me and the person that I am. I would never have considered cheating on Kat, even when she started treating me like I was less than a person to her. 

Here is the proof of her and her ex girlfriends conversation about me with time stamps: 

This all happened in August, as you can see. We later broke up once in December almost directly after we had hit our one year. I broke up with her because of the mistreatment and then a small miscommunication that was genuinely just the last straw for me. I wish I would’ve kept things that way. But she insisted that we stayed friends and still spoke afterwards, we kept each other on social media, and we both made the mistakes of staying in contact after the break up- which inevitably led to us getting back together after three days.  

After that it just never got better. It was another draining 3-4 months of begging to be treated like a person. I begged her to love me, I begged her to care about my successes, I begged her to care about my problems when I had them, I just begged. I did a LOT of begging. And she could typically only give me the words “I’ll try to do better” or “I’m sorry.” Occasionally though, she would give a genuine apology. Occasionally. 

On Monday, March 10th of 2025, I asked her if we could call once or twice a month. As we barely ever called. I never even FaceTimed this girl. She never wanted to and would refuse. Calling is very important to me because quality time is one of my verrryyy big love languages. So It really meant something when I got to call her, I truly cherished every moment with her. But she would deny my request almost every time. Which is why I proposed  the idea of calling 1-2 times a month. To which she said “I can try” and when I was upset and started texting dryly, she did not respond. She just asked if she could go to sleep. To which I said yes, and then later that evening before I went to bed- I sent her a text telling her “if you don’t love me anymore, it’s okay. You can leave and I won’t stop you.” That morning when I woke up, I saw her response and she told me that she “no longer saw me as a girlfriend, and loved me more as a friend.” And when I asked her if we could fix it, she told me “I hope so.” Which is when I knew it was over. And I told her we should probably break up. 

Here is the proof of that conversation as well: 

The SS below is the second convo we had that day. Where I asked her if she had me blocked on tumblr. Because last time we broke up she posted about me, but nothing to this extent. I admit I was gonna look if she did, as any ex normally would lol… but I never expected to see the things she posted this time around.

After all of this. Things only got worse, as all of you guys know. Whether you are fans, haters, or neutral on her as a person. We all saw her account go “downhill” as most sane people would say. She started posting her nudes on the Internet and publicly sexting potential adults and minors, as well as saying that they could rape her. 

This is all while she is also a minor. She is 17 years old. Seven. teen. 

Here is the proof I can provide of that:

Killerbait enabling rape:

And her admitting to it, knowing that it is wrong, since some of you guys are saying that she “might not know better.”:

Proof that Killerbait is a minor:

This is a conversation between me and her mother. I’m keeping it cropped because I want NO part in any form of doxxing or harm towards her family. Or her, for that matter. Which is a big reason why I’m even doing this in the first place. I am SPREADING AWARENESS….:

This is a birthday post I made for her, the date is at the top of the post: 

And to provide more proof that she is a habitual liar, here is her lying about texting her ex-girlfriend about me “cheating.” Saying that she “never did that.”: 

This is proven to be a lie, as in the screenshots I uploaded above in this blog, show that she OBVIOUSLY messaged her ex girlfriend- claiming I cheated on her, as well as saying I was “aggressive.”  

I think that is all. This is all the proof that I have. If there are any questions please feel free to ask. I know I said this was solely about revenge, as I am very angry and hurt. I was molested from ages 6-11 by my own family member. The fact that she is capitalizing off of this kind of topic is sickening. And the fact that she is exposing herself online to potential predators, is sickening as well. I am with everyone when they say that they hope she gets the help that she needs. I genuinely hope that she stays safe and she recovers from everything that she has gone through/is going through. But she needs to stay off of the internet. There will always be creeps lurking, preying on girls just like her. I want to put an end to this.

Thank you to everyone who spent their time reading this and trying to understand the situation. I do not care about “sides” being taken. I just want her to be safe. 

(I also want to note that, after knowing her for four years. She never once mentioned having any trauma regarding rape. So throw that excuse for her behavior out the window.)

[alchemistc]

911 was always in my periphery bc of how popular Buck x Eddie is on Tumblr and Ao3. I didn't really want to watch a cable network procedural drama, especially one that came off as so unserious. I could also see how such invested shipping by a lot of fans who are young and think it’s ok to demand things from the cast and crew would inevitably become a toxic cesspool. I stand by that assessment of the show based on the behavior of the fandom these last months, as well as the overall quality of the writing and how often good story lines just get dropped or undermined.

However, I heard about Buck coming out. Over the summer, I was going through a lot and feeling aimless, so I finally started watching the show. And I liked Buck and Tommy, but what I really loved was the quality of the fan works they inspired. At the end of the day, I never really had real expectations of high quality television from a show like 911; that’s not what it’s for.

Despite this, what really affected me last night—which was also the first episode I bothered watching live ever because of how terrible this last week has been—wasn’t even how badly it was executed or the fact that they broke up. But how unnecessarily and viciously cruel the whole thing felt?

What was the point of showing Tommy as a caring, supportive, present partner in the previous episode if it was going to lead to an unceremonious break up? What was the point of showing his yearning for connection and family only to see him throw it all away? Why have him say such wonderful things about Buck moments before questioning the commitment of their relationship after six months together? What was the point of Buck getting that speech from Josh and bringing up marriage and moving in together and that Tommy had been a transformative relationship when it was going to end with him being dumped? It just felt so horribly cruel to see a character bare his tender heart and see it get stomped on. He looked so sad at the end.

Up till the very end of the episode, I was actually really enjoying it. Their acting was so good from heart eyes to heartbreak, and the show seemed to understand Tommy’s reaction to Buck getting hit on by those women would cause friction. It even made sense to me that Tommy would recoil at the prospect of moving in together because Buck clearly hasn’t come to terms with being queer yet (sir, you haven’t researched the Kinsey scale? You?) And Tommy is also clearly afraid to reach for the connections he wants and the seeming inevitability of his heart being broken and is masking that with nonsense about Buck needing to play the field and the biphobia present wherein. It was such an interesting depth to his character! I thought the break up speech was so well-acted, and I was so ready for the conversation they were going to have that would address it and let them move on together stronger. To see Buck learn from Josh and see the scars Tommy was unintentionally revealing in that moment and address them.

And then the credits started rolling and I felt like I got punched in the gut.

It was definitely the straw that broke the camel’s back for me, with the election and other personal stuff really stressing me out this week. Last night, I felt sick and unable to sleep, and I spent the morning bawling my eyes out. It feels like one of the few things I really looked forward to had been snatched away for the shock factor. I believe the interviews are the definite death knell, but even if you don’t follow the interviews, it was just a cruel way to end the episode. Even if this ends up being a temporary roadblock or they “fix” it, it’ll always leave a bad taste in my mouth.

Anyway, I’m upset that I let a show I always knew wasn’t very good affect me this much, and I regret spending months of my life on it. But the reason I wanted to send this ask was because my real hyperfixation these last few months was never the show itself; it was always the Bucktommy fandom. Reading some of the most beautiful fanfiction, including yours, these deep and intense character studies or au’s or future fics that show more love to these characters than the show does. The stunning art, the lovingly rendered gifs, the startlingly funny and insightful writing. The fandom has been my real love, and I hope that despite this huge blow, people like you will continue being so immensely creative and artistic for this ship.

I’m sorry this has been so long and vent-y, but I wanted to send you this ask because you’re one of my favorite fic authors, and I’ve been following your posts since last night and you’re still responding to anonymous asks. I’ve always been stealth in the fandom to avoid certain parts of it, so didn’t want this on my own blog. If you do publish it, I hope the other authors and artists and creators who have made my life better get to see it too <3 And that they don’t regret the time and passion and love they’ve poured into the last few months. I have appreciated it, if nothing else.

Hi.

First of all, please don't apologize for the length of this.

Everything you pointed out were exactly the reasons people joined this fandom. Everything you listed here is EXACTLY the reason it left such a bad taste in our mouth.

I'm sorry I won't be more eloquent in this post, because this is such a kind and thoughtful and lovely summation of all the things I've been hearing and seeing and feeling.

The point of all that, if we are to believe Lou (which I do, and honestly props to him for being as gracious as he was in those post-mortems: fucking TWO exit interviews for a guest star? wtf abc), WAS to pull the rug out from under the audience. It WAS to end it all on a shocker of heartbreak. They filmed the bulk of Tommy's S8 scenes AFTER the breakup. It is absolutely vicious and cruel and meant to make people talk about it. The engagement they are getting right now is to some extent WHAT THEY WANTED. I went straight to my notes after work and I can't be fucked to check the insta or FB to see if they've posted anything new and/or what the comment count is on the 8x06 posts but THIS IS THE INTENDED RESULT. Broken hearts, upset people, an increasingly toxic fandom crowing.

That's where I'm at. I think that's where a lot of people have landed. And it's so disheartening to see something that really genuinely drew people in because it was handled so gently and kindly at first just be ripped away and the door shut on it.

And honestly if they close the mid season OR open or close 8B on a premise that includes one of them being injured and the other having a Realization™️ I won't trust this team to do it genuinely or truly. Even the breakup would have held so much potential for me, but not like this.

Anyway. I'm sorry you're feeling so disappointed. I am grieving the missed potential of literally every plot they built up this season for every character and if I do watch it won't be live and I will likely have very little trust for it's potential. There has been So Much wasted potential.

And I want to say thank you. Even if you lurked, even if you disengage now, the creators who made those works made them out of love and they wanted to share them and the community around it all has been lovely to see. Thank you.

Some of us will still be hanging around building the world that could have been. I hope, if you feel up to peeking at that sandbox, that you feel welcome to go play in it or even just clap from the sidelines.

♥️

[foreverromanticising]

renegade | ln4

(10 - the finale!) the perfect summer with lando quickly reaches its conclusion

lando norris x fem!reader | 2.6k words

(the last chapter!! full of angst!! howeverrrrr if enough ppl want it i would like to write a chapter about what's gonna happen in the future for these two so pls if u would be up for that lmk)

((also i have a new ln4 fic coming out on sunday so plssss stick around to give it a read))

masterlist<3

The clock had finally struck on the final day of Lando’s holiday in Greece, signalling that his summer break was coming to a close and it would only be a few moments before he was back in that car, hurdling down racetracks at unnatural speeds with the voices of a thousand people circling in his own mind. But as was life, all good things must come to an end. 

This time away under the sun had been heaven on Earth for him, the ultimate safe haven that he had been so desperately craving after the pressures of the season had kicked in and infiltrated any sort of peace he had been clinging onto. 

He had used the time perfectly, to his advantage, trying to work on his mindset. The last thing he needed for the rest of the season was to lose himself to the inevitable opinions of others, he had been trying to teach himself not to care about what other people thought about him. Not once over the past three weeks had Lando even looked at social media, or read any crappy articles written about him; he didn’t need to see it. All that mattered were the results that he could deliver on track.

But, his flight back home to Monaco was booked, early the next morning, and there was no chance that Zak would understand any of Lando’s reasonings if he pushed that flight back for an extra few days, just so he could keep you in his arms for those extra few days. Again, as all good things must come to an end, once the holiday was over, as was his time with you. 

Now, he knew the two of you hadn’t exactly discussed the ending of this vacation but he figured it was more a silent, mutual agreement. You had kept him distracted through every moment of quiet so he hadn’t been able to find the time nor the correct gap of time to bring this up but he knew you would understand - it was a summer fling, after all, and he was in no position to doubt your intelligence when it came to being sure that you would understand this too.

“So, what you doing then?” He found you in the kitchen, chopping up a variety of vegetables which he knew would be for the dinner that you had insisted you wanted to cook for everyone that night.

“Cooking dinner?” Your face flooded with confusion as you looked up from the chopping board and towards Lando, who stood across from you with his hands leant on the countertop.

“No, I meant about going home, we’re leaving tomorrow,” He approached the situation without a second thought of handling it in a delicate manner; he hadn’t thought much about what he was going to say, rather the thought that he had to say something had been eating at him so he wanted it to be as quick and painless as possible. “What are you gonna do?”

“I haven’t really thought about it much.” You shrugged your shoulders because you truly had no idea about what your plan was for tomorrow. You had spent days silently trying to figure out what Lando would do when the holiday was over, especially after Alexandra’s words, but you couldn’t figure out any clues.

“Well, we’re leaving so…” His words trailed off, hoping that you could maybe piece together what he was trying to say without him having to say it.

“Yeah, I know,” You were rather taken aback by his lack of care that he had taken towards the situation but you didn’t want to jump down his throat yet with your annoyance as you wanted him to explain - he could’ve had a plan for all you knew. “Where are you all going back to? London?”

“Monaco.” He said plainly knowing he couldn’t dance what he had been the whole time he had known you. There was hardly any point in hiding any truth from you now, not when he knew he wouldn’t have to see you again after that day.

“Cool,” You nodded like you didn’t already know this because you wanted to play this cool, to act far more relaxed than what you were, because the sudden change in Lando’s demeanour left you with a million questions for him. “And, what do you want me to do?”

“I dunno, are you going home?” Sure, it would’ve been great for Lando to keep the memories from that summer alive and well if could’ve followed him to Monaco but it simply wasn’t realistic for him; he had bigger things to worry about than keeping a - albeit special - summer fling alive. “I can help you book a flight, if that’s what you’re needing.” 

For the second half of the season, Lando couldn’t dare risk having any distractions. He needed to be on his own, he needed to learn how to harness his focus and skill into winning a championship. His car was successful enough, he had to make sure he was able to keep up with it. He couldn’t have you following him from Greece; that was where your story with him had started and he was ready to make sure it would end there.

“I can go home, yeah,” You weren’t sure what Lando was trying to say, or if he wanted you to pull the answers out of him for yourself. “Or I could come with to Monaco? Depending on how long you’’ll be there, I’ve always wanted to-”

“I’m going home to Monaco.” He cut you off as you tried to speak, throwing the truth in your face. 

“You said you lived in England,” You hated the fact that you had already suspected this to come from Lando at some point, you wanted to believe him; to believe that he truly did live in Glastonbury and Alexandra had simply misspoke. “You told me when I asked you lived in Glasto.”

“You asked me where I stay in England,” Lando shook his head and quickly corrected you, trying to pull himself out of the grave he had been digging for himself since the very first night with you. “I’ve got a place in Glasto, but I’m in Monaco more- that’s home.”

“Okay, so what?” You had figured this much already but you weren’t sure where this conversation with Lando was heading, his intentions that were usually laid out in front of you were now foggy, leaving you confused. “You don’t want me to come to Monaco?” You didn’t want to let Lando see the moment of weakness he had caught you in, knowing it was silly for you to be feeling this much after such a short amount of time but you couldn’t help the crack in your voice as you spoke.

“Not really, no.” He shook his head but dipped his eyes, trying to avoid any eye contact with you for he knew that if he caught your eye line his composure would crumble after one look at the tears building in your eyes. Seeing that look on your face would be enough to have him scooping you back up in his arms and bringing you to Monaco, begging you to stay with him.

“Yeah, and what does that mean for us, Lan?” Two weeks ago you had not even the cloud of a thought that this would be a question that you would have to ask Lando for you thought all of the nights twisted in his arms and sheets, all of the tears shed, and the whispered confessions were enough to solidify whatever connection you had between you. But, clearly, Lando had thought differently. “When am I gonna see you again? If you’re living in Monaco?”

“Well, I dunno, I’ve got work, y’know what it’s like.” He shrugged his shoulders and leaned up from the counter as he began to take a few pacing steps, his heart rate picking up as his anxiety kicked in and up a notch.

“You get time off from work, they don’t hold you hostage.” You didn’t want to let Lando slip through your fingers, not when you could easily tell he was trying to push you away; you wanted to keep him as yours, as the Lando you knew, the Lando that up until thirty minutes ago you wouldn’t have had a bad word to say about.

“It’s busy, though- I’m busy.” He sighed, looking back at you with an exasperated image painting his face.

“You’re not- you can’t be that busy, Lando.” Your words, though not many, carried weight for him; Lando, not Lan like he had grown used to and found solace within the way you said his name.

“C’mon, don’t do this, baby.” He shook his head, tears beginning to flood his own eyes, mirroring the way you looked back at him.

“Don’t,” You bit your lip in a measly attempt at keeping your tears at bay, not daring to let Lando see you weaker than how you already felt. “Don’t call me that, not when you’re doing this to me.”

“I’m not doing anything,” He ran his hand through his curls, tugging on the ends as he tried to calm himself back down. “This- we can’t- y’know, this has to happen. What did you think was gonna happen? We were gonna run away and get married? C’mon, it was just something fun, something for the summer.” 

“You don’t mean that, Lando.” You hadn’t expected this to ever come from Lando, at least not this soon. He hadn’t even tried to let what you had exist outside of the holiday and he was already stating that there was no point in trying. 

“I do, it won’t work.” Lando struggled to keep up against you, knowing he had more viable reasons than what he was telling you but he wasn’t sure he was quite ready to create a mess bigger than both you, not bigger than what he had already created.

“You’re saying that but I don’t know what you mean, why?” Your voice was raw and tired from the stream of tears that you had no control over, the hitched breathing that stopped you from appearing calm to Lando. “We could at least try, we’ll never know if we don’t try?”

“I can’t- I don’t work like that,” His eyes were bloodshot red with how relentlessly he had tried to rub them dry from the tears that continued to spill, despite his many attempts to stop crying. “I don’t need somebody, not like that, in my life. I’ve got too much shit right now, I can’t pile more on top of that- I can’t handle that.”

“You don’t even want to try, Lan,” You felt your chest tightens with every word he spoke as you couldn’t quite believe what he was saying. “Let me in, we can work through it together. You don’t have to do anything yourself, not if you open up and let me see you properly. It’s not a crime to have somebody in your life.”

“It’s just not the right time, not now, I can’t do it,” He was running out of excuses, the possibilities of what he could say to you were running thin but he couldn’t crumble, not yet. “You need someone better, you deserve someone that can give you everything. I’m a renegade, baby, and you need someone to be your rock, and that’s not gonna be me.”

“You can’t be that person for me? Or you just don’t want to?” You could see he was struggling, you knew he believed what he was saying from the pure state he was in but you wanted to fight past that and show him the truth. You wanted him to let you in. “You need someone too, Lan, you can’t just go through life struggling and not letting anyone in because of it. You can get your shit together and let someone in at the same time.”

“Please stop trying to fight me on this, I know this’ll be for the better- for you.” Whilst, he needed to be on his own to be free from distractions this season, he knew this would be better for you. You didn’t need to be dragged into the treacherous world of motorsport with him; you liked your freedom and being tied to him, in the limelight, would’ve been your worst nightmare - whether you  knew that or not - he knew what would be best.

“You’re serious?” You took one final deep breath, trying to keep your tears back and hold a calm conversation with Lando- seeking out one final moment of clarity with him. “You don’t want to see me again? You want me to go straight back to London and just stop loving you?”

“Baby, don’t say that.” He crumpled under your confession, wanting nothing more than to grab your hand and pull your body into his, to repeat those words back to you. But he couldn’t, not now.

“It’s the truth, Lando, something that you’re not willing to face,” You shrugged your shoulders, knowing you couldn’t hide from anymore. “Say you want me to go back to London, say that you don’t ever want to see me again.”

“It’s not like that, you know I want to see you-”

“It doesn’t work like that, you either want me or you don’t- there’s no in between,” You wanted to get down onto your knees and beg Lando to take you with him to Monaco, you wanted to beg him to never leave your side and for him to say this was all one huge, lousy joke. But you knew that was far from what could ever happen. “Tell me you want me to keep loving you, that you’ll get yourself together, and we can make this work- say it and we can pretend all of this never happened. Please.”

A moment of silence flowed between the two of you as Lando let your words settle against his skin, giving himself a moment to consider your words and if he wanted to go back on what he had said. But he knew there was no point, it was too far gone now.

“Do you have enough for a flight back?” His voice was quiet, almost ashamed of his own words but the least he could do now was make sure you could get home, comfortably.

“Yeah,” You nodded your head without thinking twice, knowing everything Lando had done for you the past few weeks had allowed you to keep your savings rather healthy. “Could you take me to the airport?”

“Now?” He couldn’t hide the shock that rattled throughout his voice but he wasn’t sure why he was so shocked - it wasn’t as though you were going to pretend nothing had happened and climb back into bed with him that night before going home tomorrow.

“Please.” You left Lando standing in the kitchen, trying to catch his breath and regain his composure, whilst you headed for the bedroom to grab your luggage. 

The bedroom that only a few hours ago held memories that you would’ve argued were some of the happiest of your life; your time with Lando had allowed you to truly be yourself without having to create a persona in order to please someone. Lando was happy with who you were, he hadn’t wanted you to hide from him.

He wanted to hear your laugh bounce off of the walls around you whilst he hovered over you, your back pressed against his sheets; you couldn’t deny the utter happiness that bubbled within that room from simply being with Lando. But, he wanted to close that chapter of his life with you before allowing it to properly flourish. You tried to fight him, to push against what he tried to take from you, but it was no use. 

[artisticprocrastionator]

🎶[See the sky and all the land together again]

[See the way the earth can stay below]

[Who do we think we are?]

[Everything plays a part]

[There are some things we are never meant to know.]🎶

____

Little about me, I’m a big fan of Tally Hall! I especially love their Album Good & Evil (def should go listen to it!)

Never Meant to Know became one of my favorite songs when I first listen to the album, and even more when I started playing Block Tales. I just feel this song represents Cruel King perfectly, and I really wanted to do a post on this.

Below this is me going into a lyrical analysis of the entire song and how they relate to Cruel King.

Why did this song make me think of Cruel King???

I see this song as Cruel King’s reflection of the events that transpired. He points out his flaws and how they led to his downfall. This song, from how I interpret it, is Cruel King coming to terms with his death and understanding that there are some things he is never meant to know.

______

Lyric Analysis:

(If it helps to follow along with the song, go right ahead!)

[Woke up today with the lay of the land. Feather in cap and the sun in the sand. It was easy, it was easy to understand]

This is before Cruel King’s became influence by the dagger.

He saw himself as a righteous King that was proud of his Kingdom and himself for his accomplishments.

This was a period where everything made sense and everything was perfect. He wakes up every day knowing this and it was a routine he fell into.

[Everything suddenly falls out of sight. Every attachment is made of the light. That you offered, you have offered to give me life]

This now takes place to kinda the present of the events of Block Tales. Player breaking in, attacking his guards, and ultimately leading to Cruel King’s downfall.

However, he is now reflecting back on this as a sign that player was the salvation to his problem that offer to help him out of his darkness, but Cruel King refused player’s light and continued to go down his dark path.

[See the sky and all the land together again. See the way the earth can stay below.]

All Cruel King wanted was to protect his people and to see everything in harmony. The sky and land coming together represent unity which is what Cruel King wanted. It was something he wanted to see.

The earth line I kinda perceive as his status. He is the king and looks over everything so the earth to him always seems beneath him. This can probably mean Cruel King not worrying about a potential threat that can harm his kingdom or that he so high above everyone else he never sees anyone strong enough to bring him down.

[Who do we think we are? Everything plays a part. There are some things we are never meant to know]

Cruel King now understands he had no power in stopping fate. Even him, a king, a guardian of the ice dagger, was inevitably to the outcome of his kingdom and himself.

Even though he may not understand why it happened to him, it is just something he will never have an answer for and have to be content with that thought as everything happens for a reason.

He hopes his reflection will reach other people and prevent the same thing happening to them

[Having enjoyed all the meat from the bone. Is perfectly equal to being alone. It was even, but you breathe and I turn to stone]

Even though he was wealthy and was granted with anything he could have, he still felt empty inside as he had no one to share his wealth. Being king was just the same of being alone, and later Cruel King admitted he wished he had connections to talk to.

However, at this time, being alone was something he was okay with because it would kept everything in balance and avoid any possible trouble for his kingdom.

That was until player would enter and attack his palace. Seeing Player terrified Cruel King as his worst nightmares became true and that the Player was here to take down Blackrock and him.

[Everything suddenly looks like a sign. Easy to see from the outermost clime. I believe in what I leave in the way behind]

This is Cruel King acknowledging his spiral into madness and paranoia due to the ice dagger’s influence. Everyone and everything seems like a sign to Blackrock’s demise.

It was clear to everyone on the outside that nothing was going to happen and it was just Cruel King’s own delusions and paranoia.

This would ultimately make Cruel King to make irrational decisions to stopping this upcoming threat (such as exiling Banished Knight and imprisoning prisoners who question him as potential examples).

[And all the parts combine to one. And all of us around the sun. Everything will fall away. To order from the disarray]

I interpret this part when Cruel King is in possession of the Ice dagger. He feels it all aligning again as he saw that the Ice dagger can help stop the fall of his kingdom.

Everything would be perfect again and he would be able to rewrite history to prevent its fall with the Ice Dagger.

[See the sun, the shadows cast. From all the times I floated past. See the ocean spinning out. With all the hope and all the doubt]

However, he is not aware that the powers of the ice dagger is actually harming his kingdom and his people with them being the forefront of the disasters he will unintentionally inflict on them.

Though he is seen as “the sun” that brings light to his people, his sun is unintentionally putting them into darkness that prevent them from seeing his light.

His people are hopeful that the King will solve these issues and try to believe the King has nothing to do about it, however, there is doubt.

[See the sky and all the land together again. See the way the earth can stay below. Who do we think we are? Everything plays a part. There are some things we don't understand. Reasons on the other hand. There are some things we are never meant to know]

This restates the chorus again, but I feel these last few lines tie up Cruel King’s overall thoughts (almost like this is him talking to us).

Even after his death and the (potential) fall of his kingdom, the world keeps moving on unbothered. Everything is still in order dispute Cruel King’s believing that everything was in shambles.

Cruel King’s understand that he had no power in stopping fate and as painful as it is to come to terms with that, everything happens for a reason. That reason is not in his grasp and something he’ll have to deal with. Now that he is dead, he has to accept the fact that Blackrock will fall and he’ll never have a reason why his kingdom would fall, but sometimes, there are some things that he is never meant to know.

_______

Extra notes:

Here are song other songs on the album that I like a lot!

&

You and Me

Who You Are ⭐️

Hymn for Scarecrow⭐️

Turn the Lights Off

Misery Fell

[jammatown919]

I've said to a few people that my ratio of blame for the argument that broke the camel's back is about 80% Yaz and 20% Sammy due to Yaz's attitude about her and Sammy's disagreement over Brooklynn (both sides had completely fair points and valid feelings but Yaz was very unfair in the way she spoke), but I think for their problems in general it's more of an even split where they both have several bad communication habits they need to work on to avoid something like this happening to them again. Yaz

Isn't always honest about how she feels

Decides what she's going to do and just does it with little to no discussion even if it's not what's best for the unit

Can get too stubborn about thinking she's right to the point she trivializes and dismisses feelings she doesn't agree with instead of trying to understand them

Has shown at least two instances of resorting to name-calling and/or other rude remarks when she firmly believes she's right and the other person is wrong (I believe this was largely due to a highly stressed out state of mind in which she was concerned for Brooklynn's safety and lashed out because she was worried the others' reluctance to help her might get her hurt, but it still happened)

Sammy

Isn't always honest about how she feels

Bottles up emotions until she's really, really upset and can't control them

Can be passive aggressive when upset

Doesn't completely respect Yaz's need for space during arguments (gets mad at her for suggesting taking a beat in season one) but expects hers to be respected (gets mad at her for continuing to pursue the conversation in season three)

This is something that, as far as we know as the audience, has been slowly building up over the course of several months to a year, primarily due to a severe delay in honest communication. From what I can gather, ever since Yaz has started trying to recover from her PTSD on her own without Sammy's help, they have stopped telling each other when they have a problem. Yaz most likely did not try to have a real conversation with Sammy about feeling coddled (according to Sammy, there was little to no communication about her moving at all). Sammy most likely did not try to directly tell Yaz how lonely she was after the move (I simply cannot believe that Yaz would not have made more attempts to reach out if it had been plainly laid out for her).

By the time they tell each other their grievances, they're upset and defensive because they've been sitting on their problems for months. They both feel that they have completely valid reasons for what they're doing and they both feel that the other has done something wrong, and they're both right. The lack of honest communication is a mutual problem and the foundation of the majority of their issues. Without this background, I do not believe that they would have broken up over the Brooklynn argument, nor do I think Sammy would have felt as strongly about it because a lot of her feelings toward Brooklynn right now parallel her feelings toward Yaz.

But they have to realize this now. Maybe they could ignore it when they were back to being fine soon after every argument because some threat caused them to come back together without talking about anything. But now it's caused them to break up. They have to know now that something has to change if they're going to make this work again. They're so, so obviously still in love, and with the two groups heading to the same place and them inevitably coming back into proximity with each other, I don't know how long they're going to be able to hold themselves back from approaching each other. They both clearly want to talk. Yaz kept asking for Sammy before leaving Italy. Sammy watched her through the door like she was considering coming outside to say something.

Dysfunctional communication over a long period of time can completely drain a person emotionally, and I completely understand the decision to just walk away from it. But these are two people who love each other deeply, and even at the worst of their problems, want to connect and be together and are devastated by the idea of losing each other. They need to sit with this for a bit. Come to terms with what really caused it to get this bad. And once they do, they'll come back to each other, because they love each other too much to not fight for this relationship. They both have work to do, but they love each other too much not to do it.

[tanobatcher]

see you later

hunter x gn reader

summary: you’ve been lucky to befriend a certain group of refugee clones on pabu, with a special interest in the one they consider their leader. saying goodbye becomes difficult when you realize you don't want him to leave despite the circumstances.

warnings: nothing explicit but i might have snuck in a kiss 💋

a/n: i just finished my tbb rewatch and this idea came to me during s3 ep11 when they decided to leave pabu but obv this would take place before the empire came and fucked everything up!! bc imagine how cute it would've been if he met someone there omg :(

˚₊ ⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆ ₊˚

Rumor has it that your new friends won’t be around for much longer. Small whispers of people’s business always travel fast across this island regardless of whether or not the gossip is intentional. Sometimes, you overhear conversations that have nothing to do with you or your immediate circle. Other times, you discover that decisions relevant to the pit in your stomach have already been made without so much as a word in your direction.

Of course, they don’t have to tell you anything. From what you’ve learned about them, they come from wildly different lives than you. Something as trivial as your slight disappointment wouldn’t stop them in their tracks as a point to consider. But you know you’ll miss them when they’re gone. You wonder how long this farewell will last.

“Do you have a minute?” Someone asks you from behind, breaking you away from the conversation with the rest of the docks. It’s Hunter, for there’s no one else on this island who raises goosebumps across your arms at the sound of his voice like he does. You stay behind and let everyone clear out in slow waves until all that’s left is the two of you by the shore as the sun sets on the distant horizon. Finally, when the world feels quiet again, you turn around and look at him with a somber frown itching at your lips.

“Is something wrong?” You ask, already knowing the answer to your question.

He shakes his head, setting his jaw with a determined clench. “No. I’m sure you’ve heard, but I wanted to tell you that we’re leaving Pabu. Soon.”

You nod, trying to treat this like an inevitability and nothing more. “How soon?”

“Tomorrow,” he says, “Better to be quick about this…before it’s too late.”

You hesitate before stepping closer and taking his hand with a comforting squeeze. “You’re not a hazard to this place, you know. We’ve never had any reason to fear our safety here.”

“We can’t risk changing that,” he responds firmly.

The tired lines on his face begin to crease when he looks down at your joined hands, which feels retaliatory to your instincts. Your face warms as you pull away, unsure if this just crossed a line. It’s difficult to remember that you barely know him when the time you spent together thus far has felt so normal. That’s what being at home is like, though. And time is relative, especially when he’s brought more light into your life than anyone ever before. But right when you start to believe you can reach a deeper part of his heart, he decides it’s time to go. Perhaps he’s just too good to be true.

“I understand,” you hear yourself saying.

“Thought you would.”

You hug your arms across your shoulders as a slight breeze begins to pick up with the approaching nightfall. He watches you closely until you ask, “How’s Omega with all of this?”

His eyes soften at her mention, distracted from his constantly circling thoughts about her. “She was a little upset, but she’ll be fine. The kid’s tough.”

“Besides,” he meets your gaze, “This is necessary…for everyone.”

You nearly squirm under the pressure of his stare, still not completely used to his natural intensity. He’s a soldier, so different from your average self. Despite knowing what it feels like to lose your place in this galaxy and run away to the extent of your exhaustion, you can’t compare the degree of the events that brought you both here. Which is exactly why you need to feel okay with this. For them.

“Yeah,” you offer a shy smile, “And you’ll be back when things settle down again. Right?”

“I’m not sure if it’ll be like last time. We’ll have to see.”

“Right. Of course.”

Observing the lingering hope in your eyes despite your attempted acceptance of this uncertain situation, he sighs and shakes his head. “Don’t wait around for me. You’re better off forgetting we were ever here.”

His words hit exactly where it hurts, calling you out on the feelings you thought you were hiding so well. He’s smarter than that, though, quiet and calculating in every move that crosses his attention. But your pride can’t let you down just yet.

You fold your arms over your chest. “Who said anything about waiting?”

He smiles slightly, amused by how riled up you suddenly are. “Just thought I’d mention it.”

“Noted.”

That feels like the end of this conversation, but neither of you moves to leave. He doesn’t mean to push you away like this. He doesn’t want to, actually. You don’t realize that you—like the rest of this island—have been so good to all of them, almost enough for them to believe they have a chance at keeping the disillusioned normalcy they’re now leaving behind. Hunter never meant to lose focus, and he hasn’t completely. Grief and responsibility keep him grounded enough. But looking at you when you’re right in front of him, so open and pliable to his presence, feeds a tugging desire he’s not in a position to fulfill.

He opens his mouth to reply, startling into silence when you abruptly throw your arms around his neck and inhale deeply. His hands instinctively raise from his sides, hovering around your figure with surprise and hesitation. You assume he’s not going to reciprocate until you feel the weight of his palms flattening around your torso and the squeeze of his fingers that soothe your racing heart. The impending reality of his absence suddenly overwhelms you, extending beyond the fact that you’ll miss his company. You’re afraid of anything happening to him out there, not even knowing where he’ll be. He tells you not to wait for him, but maybe that’s all you can really do.

“Wasn’t sure if you’d really miss me,” he murmurs.

Your stomach flutters as his words melt into your skin, so close and exclusive to your ear. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you tell him, “I might be too busy for that.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Mhm. Wrecker’s not gonna be here anymore, which means more work for us. I’ll definitely miss him.”

“Right…”

You laugh at the skepticism in his tone and step back, nearly slipping out of his arms. But his hands don’t fully leave your body, keeping your fronts together as you search his expression for some truth. It’s not as obvious to the naked eye, but he liked it here. Not just for Omega, his brothers, or his entire family’s peace. For himself, too, even if that isn’t anywhere near his highest priority. Maybe he’s been catching his breath, only to feel winded by the coming change all over again. Maybe he’s been dreaming forward, just for his nightmares to follow his trail.

The humorous buzz drains from your spirit as you consider these thoughts, looking at him while trying to find the perfect consolation. But he doesn’t seem to need any of that. You’re not really sure what he does need, so you simply cup his face with careful and caressing hands that smooth over his scars. His eyebrows briefly furrow at the unfamiliarity of your gentle touch, but he doesn’t reject it.

“I wouldn’t want to think this is the last time I’ll ever see you,” you say quietly, “So…just make sure you come back.”

“I shouldn’t promise that,” he replies before clarifying, “For my sake, at least.”

“You don’t have to.”

Suddenly, you realize that your faces are much closer than they were just a few moments ago. It’s like you’ve caught each other in your orbits, gravitating towards a decision you won’t ever come back from. You don’t want to, though. Testing the waters, you lean forward until his mouth is just hovering over yours. His eyes widen in response to the kiss you softly press to his parted lips, and his subtle surprise remains when you pull back just enough to see him again. He regains his composure quickly, though, almost smug in his returning smile.

“What was that for?” He rasps, sliding his hand up your back.

You’re breathing the same air now, noses touching and foreheads resting against each other. Swiping a teasing finger across his cheek, you reply, “For good luck.”

He makes a “hm” sound under his breath before dipping his head to kiss you on his terms. It’s clear he’s in control as he tilts his head at a sharper angle, and all you can do is just follow his lead and hold onto him for stability. His shoulders are hard in your hands, but his lips are soft against yours each time he coaxes a quiet gasp from the many noises you imagine you can make for him. The kiss eventually pauses, and you run your hands across his upper back while drowning in these last moments with him.

“Now I really can't say goodbye,” you confess, avoiding his gaze.

His fingers find your jaw, pushing slightly so you’re looking at him again.

“See you later, then.”

Your eyes round from the unexpectedness of this response, as it feels a lot more playful than his usual demeanor. But when he smiles reassuringly, you can only smile back and wrap your arms around him in another embrace. Resting your chin against the crook of his neck, you look out into the ocean behind him and linger with the setting sun. There’s only a little bit of orange left in the darkening sky, but the morning will return tomorrow. The day after that, too, and you’ll see him eventually as if the time hardly passed. The minutes, hours, or complete rotations won’t matter. Because you’ll be right here, thinking of him until this constantly moving galaxy decides to let you catch up.

[keikikait]

ɴɪɢʜᴛ ꜱʜɪꜰᴛ (ʙɪᴋᴇʀ!ᴍᴇɢᴜᴍɪ x ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ)

this is part two. for part one, click here!

pairing: biker!megumi x f!reader (au, both are early to mid 20's)

word count: 2k

summary: after a rude encounter with your next door neighbour, you decide to spend distance yourself from him, spending most of your nights at a friends house.

warnings: SMUT (masturbation, f & m), MINORS DNI 18+, suggestive flirting, not proofread (oops), jealous megumi, slight self deprecation talk (so ig a slight angst warning)

a note: i promise part 3 won't be delayed as much!

please reblog and like, it means a lot! let me know what you think!

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Things have gotten worse since you last spoke.

Each day begins with the jarring sound of his motorcycle revving right outside your window, shattering the tranquility of the morning. The noise reverberates through your whole apartment, making it impossible to ignore. And to make matters worse, he started blasting the worst rap music you’ve ever heard from a portable speaker while he works on his bike on Saturday afternoons. The cacophony of noise fills the air, making it impossible to concentrate or find any semblance of peace within your own home. 

Even though you’ve been trying to avoid him, checking outside your window a few too many times before leaving so you don’t run into him, he’s still been plaguing your mind. You had caught him like a cold or the flu, and now you’re praying that you’ll one day be immune. Sleeping was practically impossible, even the strongest earplugs and the loudest white noise couldn’t block out the sound of his, frankly, stupid fucking bike. You go to work irritable and exhausted, having to hype yourself up in the bathroom before clocking in. You dread going home, begging your manager to let you work late, trying to find every excuse to hang back and avoid your inevitable negative interaction with Megumi.

After days of sleepless nights and endless worry, you had finally reached your breaking point. With a heavy heart, you had mustered up the courage to do something you'd been dreading — ask a friend for a favor. With trembling hands, you dialed your friend Yuji’s number, hoping that he would understand. To your immense relief, he listened patiently and without judgment. You poured out your heart, sharing the sleepless nights and the constant fear that had become your reality.

To your surprise, Yuji didn't hesitate, offering you a place to stay for the days Megumi would wake up early to head to work, a sanctuary where you could finally rest and recharge. You accepted his offer, overwhelmed with gratitude, knowing it would give you the solace you desperately needed. The nights before Megumi's shifts became a routine. You would gather your belongings and head to Yuji's place, seeking refuge from the darkness that seemed to engulf your apartment. 

Each night, you would lie awake in your friend's spare bedroom, listening to the sounds of the outside world. The gentle hum of traffic, the distant laughter of passersby — these were the sounds of a life that seemed so far removed from your own. Part of you loved your time spent away from Megumi. Part of you didn’t. Even though he was annoying, stuck up, and frankly a bitch, he was so pretty to look at. You couldn’t help yourself sometimes, sneakily taking glances at him through your window while he worked on his bike, shirtless and sweating under the Japanese summer sun.

You felt guilty in a way. He hated you, yet you didn’t hate him. Why are you hanging on so tight? You wanted to hate him so badly, especially while you were laying propped up on your bed, had between your soft thighs as you thrust two fingers in and out of your cunt. You couldn’t help yourself, biting your duvet cover to keep yourself from moaning his name too loudly while you came, hips bucking into your hand while you imagined the ways he would talk you through it. You couldn’t help but imagine how handsome he would look with you all over his mouth, grinning at you as you beg to cum. Would he let you? Sometimes you would get carried away, sliding your fingers over your clit to draw out another orgasm, one that would leave you silent curled in a ball on your bed. Megumi seemed like the type to overstimulate you just for fun, after all. He clouded your mind, engulfing you with visions of him encased in smoke. He was beautiful, finite, a shining white light you had a hard time looking at. You were, quite frankly, down bad. 

Suffer does the wolf, crawling to thee.

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On the other side of the plaster wall, Megumi was having a similar experience. He couldn’t stop thinking about you, hoping if he revved his engine loud enough in the mornings you would come outside, all cute and grumpy with bedhead, yelling at him to quiet down. Maybe you would only be wearing a T-shirt too. He wondered what panties you would be wearing. Cotton? Lace? None at all?

He noticed your glances while he was working on his bike. After all, he did it shirtless hoping you would stare. All he wants is your attention, and can you blame him? You’re so soft and pretty, and all he wants to do is scoop you up and kiss you before bending you over his desk, his hand gripping your hair at the root as he fucks you dumb. He thinks about what you would sound like while he fucks you as he jerks off, one hand playing with his balls while the other strokes his cock up and down, teasing the tip with his fingers. He wonders what you would look like on your knees next to his bed, his cock draped across your face as you suck on his balls. He moans quietly when he cums, the liquid splattering onto his chest and abs and he wishes you were around to lick it up. Maybe after he would tug on your hair and have you thank him.

Megumi noticed a lot of things. He couldn't help but notice certain the frequent absences from your usual routine. With each passing day, Megumi's curiosity grew, and he started to pay closer attention to your whereabouts. That’s when he saw it, a dark blue car consistently parked at the entrance of the alleyway leading to your apartment building, the one you would climb in and out of on the days you were gone, the days you were away from him. Of course he took a note of the car, writing down the make and the model and the license plate, just in case.

Something else Megumi started noticing was your moans. You got braver and louder each time, and soon he noticed the way you would gasp and whimper and the little noise you made before you came. Megumi soon started feeling something he hadn’t felt in a while, jealousy. You had a boyfriend or a fuck-buddy, and whoever they are was able to make you cum. That part irritated him, he wanted to be the only one that could make you cum and shake on his cock or his tongue. The semantics of your relationship didn’t matter to him, but you were with someone who wasn’t him. So he waited for you to return, leaning against the railing of his small porch. He knew your schedule now, and you should be home any second. 

As the car pulls up, its headlights shine directly onto him, causing Megumi to avert his eyes. He watches as you step out of the car, bidding the driver, whom he can see now is a guy, farewell before making your way toward your door. The gravel crunched as the car reversed and smoothly drove away, leaving you and him standing alone in the tranquil evening. With a nimble hop, he crossed the railing and approached you, a faint smile playing across his lips. The world seemed to pause for a moment, as if time itself stood still, as you locked eyes with each other.

“Hey.” He says, climbing up onto your porch, swinging his legs over the barrier, and landing on his feet.

You don’t look up as you search for your keys. “You could’ve used the stairs.”

He grins. “Maybe I wanted to impress you.” The comment makes your cheeks warm, but you don’t reply as you continue to search through your seemingly endless tote bag. He sighs, “Listen, I have a question.”

You look up at him, and gods he is so pretty. You feel your blush deepen, trying not to gawk at the way his shoulders and arms look in that fucking black compression shirt. “Ask away.”

He crosses his arms over his chest. “So, you got a boyfriend?”

Your eyebrows furrow. “No. Why?” You finally find your keys, pulling them out as they jingle loudly from all of your keychains.

Megumi scoffs, keeping his arms crossed. “Come on. I’m not an idiot. I hear you moaning through the wall, you know.”

Your stomach lurches, your throat constricting. “Tha-that doesn’t mean anything.”

Megumi laughs, letting his arms drop to his side. “What about that guy that drives you everywhere?”

You put your key into the lock, swallowing hard. “He’s just my friend. I’ve been staying at his place recently-”

Megumi suddenly reaches out and grabs your hand, pulling the key out. “Don’t walk away. We’re having a conversation.” You gulp, holding onto your keys. He was right, that was kind of rude. “Continue.”

You take a shaky breath, unable to look him in the eyes, your gaze flicking around from the ground to the sunset behind him. “He’s just my friend. Nothing more.”

“Why aren’t you looking at me?” Megumi asks, trying to get in your line of sight. “Don’t look over there. Look at me.” You nod, looking at him, muttering an apology. Megumi smirks. “Good girl.”

Your throat dries up. This man is driving you crazy, and you can feel your thighs getting slick under your skirt. You subconsciously squeeze them together. “He-he isn’t my boyfriend. He’s just my friend.”

Megumi nods. “But you sleep together, right?”

“No.”

Megumi hums in response, getting closer to you. You instinctively back up until you hit the other railing. He towers over you, and you’re greeted with the smell of his cologne and shampoo as he smirks down at you. “Then what has you moaning so prettily, hmm? Is there another guy in your life?”

You shake your head. “N-no, I’m doing it, you know…solo.”

Megumi’s shoulders drop in relief. You don’t have anyone else. Does that mean he can have you all to himself? “What do you think about? When you touch yourself?” His voice is deep and smooth, right in your ear, causing your knees to buckle.

You gulp. “Nothing in particular.” He smirks. He doesn’t believe you. He reaches out to brush some hair out of your face but you move away, clutching your keys in your hands. He tries again, reaching for your arm this time, but you move away again.

You feel weird. He’s making an advance, one you aren’t opposed to, but you can’t seem to let your guard down and let him approach you. You sweat, shakily putting your key into the lock. You wanted to turn around, to throw your arms around him and let him take control of you, but you felt the familiar feeling of dread eating at your insides, sliding up your throat like bile. This almost felt too good to be true. You had spent weeks wishing for this exact moment, but now that it’s unraveling in front of you it’s hard to believe it’s happening and isn’t some sick, twisted joke. Had you stretched your self-worth too thin? Were you foolish for thinking Megumi would actually want you?

Megumi says your name so softly you almost didn’t hear it, concern etched on his face and laced in his voice. You ignore him, quickly unlocking your door and sliding inside your apartment, shutting the door in his face.

Megumi stands there, both confused and concerned. Had he come on too strong? Did he waste his one and only chance by scaring you? He reaches out to knock on your door before hesitating. He wanted a second chance, an opportunity to tell you that he didn’t mean it, that he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or scared, but he couldn’t bring himself to press his knuckles onto the wood. He drops his hand and walks away, back to his apartment, feeling like he just ruined everything he could’ve had with you.

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part three is here

★taglist: @whereflowerswenttodie, @rosieandthethorns (reply to this post if you want to be included in the taglist!)

[steinkauz-does-nothing]

whenever im thinking about stans and their relationship i end up believing in "stan fell first, ford fell harder" but with a twist.

see, stan loved ford his whole life, openly and unashamedly. he knows ford means more than just family to him (and don't get me wrong, family's EXTREMELY important to stan, but he was still willing to sacrifice everything and everyone he ever knew and loved for a chance of saving ford, including the kids). maybe it wasn't obvious for him what kind of love it was, initially, but it's always been there, something he knows he can't run away from (he tried). so it's kind of easier for him to accept this truth - why would it be anyone else if ford is everything he ever wanted?

with ford it's a bit trickier. of course, he loved stan, always did. but this love was buried beneath years and years of "hatred" and repression and focusing on the wrong things. it takes him to lose stan to finally see how cruel he was to him. and from that moment the dam breaks — he's flooded with these intense feelings of love, guilt, yearning, it consumes him, makes him reevaluate his priorities, his attitude. stan's sacrifice changes ford, and that is sudden — he spends considerable time trying to understand what exactly is stan to him before reaching the inevitable solution. and from that point ford makes sure stan knows just how much he means to him, makes sure he's never feeling alone and abandoned ever in his life, to the point where i can see him being overbearing in his affection — but it's not like stan is complaining.

and then they kiss and everything is perfect forever

[silveraquamarine]

Ardra Nakshatra moodboard

I created a collection of images that I think convey the core essence of Ardra Nakshatra.

Being an Ardra rising, I feel like the themes associated with this nakshatra have been recurrent in my life often playing out in ways that make it impossible to avoid or escape the destruction and chaos that comes with it.

Knowingly and unknowingly, I manifest chaos and disorder in my life through my own actions. All these disasters happen not just because of outside forces, but also because of me, from within.

Ardra nakshatra is associated with transformation, intensity and emotional depth. I believe the effects of this nakshatra are largely psychological rather than physical. The conscious mind and the feeling heart are continuously challenged by its influence.

The teardrop symbolism represents grief, letting go of pain and cleansing. Through emotional release, healing occurs. The release of pent-up emotions along with surrender and acceptance brings compassion, empathy and understanding. These qualities are inherently pure, and I believe the diamond associated with Ardra signifies the process of cleansing pain to embody qualities that are refined and purposeful.

Ardra brings about deep emotional experiences and my life has not been short of them. Something could happen, seemingly insignificant, but in turn, it creates disorder and subsequently fuels great transformation that is oftentimes painful and emotionally taxing. A lot of tears, crying so heavily that I can't breathe anymore, wishing things were different, trying to find a way out, feeling so lost and lonely and believing that life can't get better again-these are all familiar happenings that I believe are manifestations of Ardra Nakshatra.

Since emotions are involved, there is a sense of restlessness that you feel, along with dynamism and transformative energy in your life. Change is inevitable, and you will find yourself breaking free of old patterns and as a result, reinventing yourself with every step you take. It isn't necessarily easy, but it happens, and you grow through it.

The intense feeling of loss is a significant experience yet so is regeneration. What is created afterwards may not be as beautiful as what was, but the strength and spiritual growth gained after overcoming emotional storms is incredibly comforting. Healing always follows chaos, and you can be sure of it. No matter how much time passes, there comes a point when you are not just numb to the pain, but you've risen above it. After feeling shattered, crying it out, being desperate to be saved and finally feeling peaceful and secure once again, that journey isn't miraculous; it is real, tangible and undeniable.

Tears are my friend; at least they were. Crying is an immensely purifying act. It cleans away all the pent-up emotions that are a burden and brings a lightness that feels tranquil. There is no movement where all the chaos has settled, the conscious mind is no longer racing and everything that prevails is the voice of silence.

One major lesson I learnt through my experience, and one I would attribute to Ardra Nakshatra is resilience. Problems and disruptions are a natural part of life, and I became more adaptable in the face of challenges. Happiness and pain coexist, and I do not fear either. I've overcome pain and surrendered to it. Somewhere along the line, all the painful emotional experiences and the transformation that came with them has led me to a peaceful place, one that I didn't want to find but I had to reach, maybe as fate had it.

The only way out is through.

Here are some beautiful quotes I found online that I think represent Ardra Nakshatra in all its glory.

Our real discoveries come from chaos.

And she embraced the chaos, as it painted her life with purpose.

She conquered her demons and wore her scars like wings.

There wasn't a predictable thing about her, and it was that chaos that made her interesting.

She was chaos and beauty intertwined. A tornado of roses from divine.

Chaos, leave me never.

Keep me wild

and keep me free

so that my brokenness will be,

the only beauty

the world will see.

I wanted to share my personal experience through this post and I tried my best to write it in a way that represents Ardra Nakshatra in an accurate light.

I might have made errors, but I still hope you enjoyed reading this.

🩷

P.S. I don't think I have written such an elaborate essay since high school 🤪 I obviously spent a lot of time overthinking, in pure Ardra fashion. So please know if something in this post is overcomplicated, it's because my overthinking ruined the simplicity and the charm of it. 😭🥲🙈

Also I have my 8th lord Saturn in the 1st house. It is equally transformative and overall a difficult placement in my chart. I believe my personal experience that I talked about here (although I didn't say the details) might have resulted from the combination of these two astrological forces.

P.S. again lol : I spontaneously added the song recommendation because that is how I felt whilst writing this. I always knew that song resonated closely to my personal experience at the time. The song talks about mental health struggles and depression. Since I think the intense emotional upheaval (aka chaos and depression lol) was a direct manifestation of Ardra, the song too fits the themes of the nakshatra to some extent. So I watched the music video of lovely since I haven't watched or listened to it in what feels like a very long time. I'm pleasantly surprised by what I found. There's a storm cloud in the music video and rain flows down which then freezes and disappears. Ardra's ruling deity is the storm god Rudra, his tears are said to have fallen as rain. 🥹⛈️💧⚡️

[agoldenblackbird]

i'm gonna be a ranty bitch for a minute.

tbh i'm turned off even reading new buddie fic despite being a multishipper and have unfollowed a bunch of buddie accounts because i'm sick of the smug attitudes. one ask that i am otherwise not going to publish or respond to ended with 'sorry you don't understand media literacy bestie :)' fuck off. listen INFANT, i have been writing fanfic and original fic AND watching, reading and analyzing queer media since before you were born, i understand how character and story development works, and i know the difference between 'storyline i personally disliked' and 'bad writing.' this was BOTH, and it also was marketed to us as 'carefully crafted bi rep' and 'queer love story that is not about a bunch of pain and conflict FOR ONCE' so we have every right to be upset at the bait-and-switch.

the fact that i'm seeing the same exact posts - 'bt bones buddie CANON' that i saw three seasons ago after the bucktaylor breakup, or every time they thought buck and taylor MIGHT break up - says something. the fact that so many fans seem genuinely convinced (STILL!) that buddie is inevitable because there have been so many 'signs,' and then they rattle off a convoluted theory that would make the most hardcore taylor swift stan say 'wow, that's a bit of a reach,' honestly weirded me out a little when i first joined the 911 fandom. i have never been in a fandom where so many fans are insistent that their ship will be - not might be or could be, but WILL be - canon. i am skeptical both from past experience with other shows mishandling queer storylines or ship-baiting, and tim minnear's proven track record with this one of not really knowing what to do with buck's LI's. but i didn't want to yuck anybody's yum, so i let them have their theories and squee in peace, and unfollowed or blocked certain tags if i was seeing too much of it and getting annoyed. it's too out there for me, but i'm glad they're having fun!

yet they can't give us the same courtesy. they deride us as delusional for thinking that a canon pairing that was presented to us both in promo and the show itself as different and important (eg the bobby approval convo and 'buck getting off the hamster wheel') might last, and we're stupid to have ever liked tommy or lou or be disappointed at how the breakup was written, and if we point out the biphobia it's just sour grapes.

the bucktommy breakup is not the first time 911 has started out strong with an interesting storyline and fumbled it in the 4th quarter either because the writers got bored or in the name of needless drama/a 'gotcha' sudden twist. amir & bobby, eddie's fight club arc, the sperm donor SL, hen vs councilwoman ortiz, whatever the hell is going on with harry, the whole mess with shannon/kim, just to name a few. and especially the past couple of seasons, for me since 6b, the pacing has been off. they seem to have too much happening at once and many of the storylines don't have enough room to breathe to be narratively satisfying, or they get resolved in ways that feel lackluster.

if the toxic buddie stans who have been attacking lou on sm and sending death threats (wtf!) actually get what they want, which i admit is possible, but it's certainly not guaranteed….i don't know why they think the writers won't fumble that just as badly. it's not going to happen precisely the way they want it to because it is impossible to please everybody, that's what fanfic is for. but at this point i have zero faith that it would even be well done at all, and zero trust in the writers not to just sabotage or regress a character for funsies, and that's an excellent reason to stop watching the show. in most of my other fandoms i regard canon as a jumping-off point or a blurry outline at best, and i can have just as much fun in the 911 sandbox without any further input from canon at all, once i'm less angry.

[sainteclectic]

what do you think would cause soul to not see whole as a god or deity anymore?

i am interested

ohh very good question...

it's a buildup of things, I think. soul is trying to tuck his pain away because it's all worth it! all of it was worth it to see whole, all the thousands of loops of endless suffering {caused by} for whole, it's all okay because whole is here and everything is alright now. he gets frustrated with his involuntary responses to things- the way he flinches when heart or mind raise their voices too loud, the sound of fireworks sending him into a panic thinking it's happening again - the constant looming dread he's grown so used to, things he could manage before, they get to him because it's supposed to be over. he's supposed to be free. why isn't everything perfect, why isn't he perfect?

and he tries so very hard not to blame whole. in the beginning, he'd never even dare to. the other two do, but soul never would. sure, he put them all through hell and knowingly put soul specifically through an endless loop of suffering whole knew he remembered - but it's fine! whole got him through it too, he's the reason soul kept going, and who is he to question god?

things also become less perfect on whole's end. whole tries his best to impress soul, to not let him down, to live up to all the expectations of divinity. but he's not a god. he's just a man, and a very mentally ill and unstable one at that. so it's inevitable that he does things that aren't godly. he lashes out, he makes mistakes, he does all the things humans do and gods don't.

soul tries not to blame him again. it must be something with soul, somehow. it has to be that their harmony isn't perfect, there's something soul could be doing better, if they just find that perfect synchronicity, then it'll all be perfect. soul is a flawed and broken thing by design. whole is the ideal he's been striving for for... god, how long has it been now? hundreds of years? thousands? the loop number {333,333} is all that he remembers {always 3, never 1}, it's all that matters {not soul's suffering, not all the work that goes to waste, only whole}

the breaking point, like most things, happens gradually. maybe he starts to understand why heart and mind are furious with whole and feels terrified that he can relate to an emotion he'd never dream of having. maybe whole pushes him away and soul feels upset with whole instead of himself for once. maybe he realizes he's been praying to the altar of the god who brought him salvation, not to the man who damned him.

it's slow. and it's unwilling. and it's painful. for the first time, he's the one to pull away. he doesn't want to see whole because he can't bear to see the imperfections instead of the god he reveres. he doesn't want to have his whole life to be meaningless. doesn't want his mirror image to be as flawed as he is. {doesn't want to see whole's heartbroken face when he realizes it's finally happened.}

why is the world so cruel? why couldn't things just be alright? why couldn't soul be satisfied? {why couldn't whole just end this already? why did he put soul through hell if he loves him so damn much?} he's angry, and it hurts that he's angry, he doesn't want to be angry. but he is.

like the fall, the rebuilding takes time. whole is the one to reach out first for once. whole has always been terrified of initiating anything, always letting soul take the first step, but he's willing to try for soul. it's painful. there's a lot of crying. and soul is devastated when whole hugs him and it doesn't feel sacred anymore.

but it's warm. and it's human. and maybe that's enough.

[tsarisfanfiction]

Rend the Heavens

Fandom: Trials of Apollo Rating: Teen Genre: Angst Characters: Hades, Apollo, Zeus The cycle continues, and masks break. @toapril-official TOApril day 12 - Eyes That Glow Gold. This took a few different forms before I got something sorted for it. If it looks like it might be a sequel to another of my fics... well maybe it is.

There was always something telling about a god’s eyes.  Hades did not know if he was more aware of it because of the infrequency with which he saw most god’s eyes, or if all the gods saw it and chose not to comment on it, but whenever he interacted with other gods, it was the easiest way to read their mood.

Godly eyes were not like mortal eyes.  Godly eyes had depth; Hades had heard that mortals sometimes called them the windows to the soul, but it was hardly an accurate description.  A murky, foggy and cracked window, if one was feeling generous.  For gods, it was closer to a portal to their essence, a peak into the true thoughts and emotions if one knew what they were looking for.

All gods had the art of masking down to some degree, of course.  Hades was certain that he did.  He’d seen his brothers shutter more and more as the millennia passed, some emotions disappearing from sight entirely, and he was certain it wasn’t because they no longer felt those emotions.

Those shutters were falling, crumbling to pieces and burning up in flames.  For all of them.

Poseidon was a tempest, white-tipped foam roiling over the darkest green seas.  Demeter was a contradiction, scorching heats and biting blizzards.  Hera was smooth and hardened, pale alabaster and breaking eternities.  Hestia was a wildfire, consuming all in her path.

There was the bloodbath, the kaleidoscope of impossible colours.  The blazing sun and the blinding moon.  An inferno of iron, battle-steel polished until it gleamed.  A maelstrom of feathers, wine-dark insanity.

Battlelines were drawn, carved out in the earth, in the skies and the seas.  Alliances forged and changed and broke, until it wasn’t just their eyes but their essences on full display, stripped bare of all pretence until all that was left was raw nature, and the ugliness of truth.

It was war the way Hades had never experienced it before, fluid and viscous and vicious, no-one in the right and no-one in the wrong, either.  The next part of the inevitable cycle, the disposition of a king as reign turned to tyranny.

As tyranny reached the point it could be tolerated no more, as action was forced upon them all whether they liked it or not.

Hades had deposed his own father.  He remembered his brother, young and confident and born to rule.  Perhaps, somewhere inside his own essence, he had always known this day would come, although he did not think he had expected to be fighting on this side.

Kronos’ brothers had stood with Kronos.

Zeus stood without his.

That was not to say Zeus was without allies; the war would not be so messy if he was alone against the might of Olympus.  Of his brothers, though, he had no allies.  Poseidon had elected to remain neutral, albeit the aggressive neutral that retaliated against any threat or damage to his beloved oceans, no matter who they were.

Hades, well.

Hades had chosen his side some time ago, before he had even realised it.  He still could not pinpoint the moment when Apollo had gained his support, but he knew it had been before Apollo had realised he would need it.

The acknowledgement, the acceptance, of the then rapidly approaching conflict had certainly struck Hades first, but it had not been his place to instigate.  He would never have been able to instigate it with any success.  His allies within Olympus were few.

Apollo had more, and more had appeared as lies and masks were stripped away and the reality of the situation, the understanding of what had to happen, why it had to happen, spread.  Hades had done little, on that front.  The Underworld stood with Olympus, with Apollo, against tyranny, and that was the extent of his reach.

That had led them to this, to now and a war that would end an era, however it fell.

Zeus’ eyes, his bared essence, was a hurricane.  Lightning flashed, colours swirled across the spectrum, heavy green emphasising danger and sharp cracks of white threatening the same.  Everything about the storm that whirled where his brother was could only be described as dangerous and desperate.

Gold wasn’t a colour normally associated with his brother.  Zeus was always blues and greys and whites, sometimes greens.  Apollo was golds, oranges, yellows, sometimes blues.  Warm flames, hot flames, scorching, destroying flames.

Apollo burnt so brightly that Hades could see him in Zeus’ eyes, could see the gold reflecting in them, the sun eclipsing the sky.

Zeus was going to lose.  He was powerful, almost frighteningly so despite his decline the last few centuries, but it wasn’t enough.  Not now the gold had invaded his eyes, a sign of weakness amongst the aggression.  Zeus knew he was going to lose, and that would be his defeat.