#it's thought provoking and sad at times but also very frustrating. i get the author is japanese and this is very much a sort of reflection | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

letteredlettered · 4 years ago

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hi! ive been following your writing for a few years now and i drop by periodically to check if you have anything new posted, and im really surprised that you seem to be enjoying the untamed? im curious what you think about the show - its story and characters, the acting, the production, etc. idk if you know, but the untamed is the most successful example of a current trend in chinese entertainment, where popular online novels centered around a gay romance is adapted into a 'safe' drama.

continued:

due to the many explicit and implicit restrictions imposed on creative media in china, many crucial plot points have to be changed (often badly) or removed, including the nature of the relationship between the main characters. the untamed is considered the most loyal adaptation so far, but like all other works in the genre, it received criticism for weak acting and queerbaiting. that's why im really curious about what you think of the show as it is, as itself, free from its context.

if you're interested, you could also check out guardian! it features much better performance and chemistry by the leads imo, but the story was heavily botched bc the original incorporates and reinvents a lot of classic chinese folklore beautifully and stuff like that is considered disrespectful and not-pc. i think it's really sad how so many great pieces of writing with complex world-building and plotlines are simplified into... idek what to call them, but just, less than what they are.

im sorry this turned into a rant. as a mainland chinese person with oh so many frustrations about our current society, it's hard to comprehensively describe my feelings about the untamed's popularity. it's the first mainland chinese show/movie to gain this much organic interest abroad so i should be glad? but, but. anyway, yes, im sorry.

There’s no need to apologize for ranting, but I admit to some confusion as to whether you want your question addressed or the rant. Because I’m me and tend to be thorough, I’ll address everything, in reverse order.

First of all, I’m sorry that this show is sad to you. I’m sorry that the popularity of it is difficult. I’m also deeply sympathetic to your frustrations about your society, as I too am deeply frustrated by my own.

Secondly, yes, I’m aware of the context of The Untamed. I’m aware that the book it’s based on is a BL novel, and that, in order to align with Chinese politics, overt queerness was erased from the adaptation. I’m aware of the censure laws of gay media in China. I’m also aware that some aspects of necromancy and morality were adjusted to make the show more palatable for general audiences, but I’m fuzzier on those details. Lastly, I’m aware that the popularity of the show calls attention to certain things, such as fanfic, and that attention results in more censorship,

The fact of this erasure and this censure provokes a lot of questions: by consuming this product, which contains erasure and censure, do we engage in the erasure and censure? By posting gifs and writing fanfic and talking about this product, do we increase its popularity, thereby encouraging additional erasure and censure? By increasing the popularity of this product, do we diminish the popularity of the original gay morally gray canon, thereby decreasing representation? Do we discourage other authors in China from writing explicitly gay morally gray material? In short, are we allowed to enjoy this media?

I don’t know the answer to these questions. However, I do know that boycott is a very effective tool when it can inflict economic pain on the producer, or when it can exert pressure on an entity to change. That said, I feel like a lot of the calls to boycott certain media these days are a lot like telling people to stop driving their cars to stop climate change: it’s suggesting that individuals can solve the problem, which presupposes individuals are the problem, and therefore fails to address the scope of the problem, or present the possibility of a real solution. Not watching The Untamed isn’t going to change laws about portrayals of homosexuality onscreen in China, partly because the laws in China are a much bigger problem.

The other part of it is that The Untamed is coded queer, so if you run a successful boycott against it, you end up with . . . less queer TV. I know a whole lot less about China than I do about the Hays Code, but if you had told gay people during the Golden Age of Hollywood that they couldn’t enjoy movies that were coded queer because they weren’t explicitly queer, they’d have said you were crazy. In fact, many people will tell you that media that was coded queer was a big reason we got more explicit queer stuff later. And as I’m sure you’re aware, the US is still fighting that battle . . . partly because it wants to sell movies to China.

So then there’s a question about whether me, an American in the US, liking something coded queer from China but not explicitly queer--does that encourage Chinese censorship? Should I only support texts that are explicitly queer? But the answer is the same--it’s not addressing the scope of the problem, and by supporting texts that are coded queer, you could be paving the way in the future for something brighter.

But you weren’t talking about boycott! You were talking about your discomfort with the popularity with this show, which I accept. I understand feeling uncomfortable. I can only hope it makes you a bit more comfortable to know that plenty of fans are deeply aware of the context and do wrestle with the question of what liking this show means in the context of a society that would never allow aspects of the original to be portrayed onscreen.

Thirdly, I’m not against trying Guardian at some point, but by comparing the acting and chemistry of the leads to The Untamed, I feel like you prove our tastes are very different in these regards. I love the acting of the leads in The Untamed; I found their chemistry off the charts. It’s okay you don’t feel the same.

Lastly, you asked my opinion of The Untamed: its story and characters, the acting, the production, sans context of the canon upon which its based and censorship laws in China.

a. I love the overall story, but the plot has deep plot holes. Quite a few segments do not actually make sense to me, because the plot is so haywire. However, I’ve never cared that much about plot, except when it gets in the way of characters and themes, and for the most part, this plot serves its characters and themes, except when the parts they leave out are so confusing that I cannot follow the story. As for the story, it feels like it’s built for me, because ultimately it’s about moral decisions and how to make them; it’s about guilt and paying for mistakes; it’s about learning, changing your mind, and remaking yourself. Really, I’m not sure there are many stories I love more--except they killed my favorite character, and I almost quit. So, that certainly put a damper on things.

b. I love the characters most of all, although the villains are really two-dimensional. However, large parts of the plot are not Hero vs Villain, they’re Hero vs Society, and then some Hero vs Himself in a way that suggests the Hero is no longer a hero. I could talk about the characters forever, but suffice it to say I think they’re really strong. Also, the relationships are really exquisite, particularly when it comes to family dynamics. Unfortunately, they killed my favorite character off. Also unfortunately, there are six women in this show, only two of them are main characters, and every single one of them dies. It disgusts me.

c. I think the two leads are exceptional, in particular Xiao Zhan . . . when he’s not being too broad, which he is quite a bit. However, I do wonder how much of this is direction and production style, because in many instances, he’s quite subtle, and the choices he makes are astounding. Then there are times where it’s like they needed more footage, or wanted to drive home a point, and he turns on the extra, and it’s awful. It could just be him, but I actually feel it’s the case with most of the actors, which does make me think it’s a directing issue. Meng Ziyi never really has that problem though, because she is the most perfect of all. But then take He Peng, who I actually thought could be incredible, but every scene was just SO BROAD that I began to feel sorry for the poor dude having to act that part. But there is nothing to be said for Wang Zhuo Cheng, who really is just terrible, which is sad, because it’s a great part.

d. Production-wise, it’s really hit and miss. So much of the locations are truly beautiful. A lot of the costumes are too, unless the shot is too close. I actually don’t mind the wigs; I love the long hair. The CGI is terrible. And then while a lot of the shots are beautiful, some of them are awkward, and the pacing is really difficult, imo. It really seems like they wanted to drag it out, and there are so, so many scenes where I’m sort of embarrassed that we’re in the same scene or that we’re still looking at someone’s face, or that everyone is just standing there waiting for the shot to finally end.

I will say that film is a language that does differ from culture to culture. It could be that both the broadness of the acting and the awkwardness of the editing are my cultural lens based on American and a lot of western film. When I watched older Hollywood films, the acting is a lot more broad and maybe a little less “true” feeling, but I understand that it’s not the case everyone in the past was a bad actor. It was just a different style, so I’m not sure I’m equipped with the cultural knowledge of Chinese acting, cinematography, and editing to be able to really judge the value of these things.

I do know how I feel, which is that the editing is the biggest hurdle for me while watching the show. However, I feel that the beauty of it makes up for a lot, and the strength of the characters and themes really carries it.

I hope I addressed your points adequately, and I wish you well.

#Anonymous #the untamed #china

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capricornus-rex · 5 years ago

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A Path I Can’t Follow (5)

Chapter 5: There’s Always Something Greater | Cal Kestis x Reader

Summary: It was a matter of life and death—the question is, should it be the life of many or one, the death of many or one? Cal Kestis makes what ought to be the biggest and hardest decision of his life as he is pitted with a question of high stakes and morals. He descends to the Dark Side and becomes an Inquisitor. A choice he openly made for the sake of saving you, even if you didn't know you needed it until it was too late.

Tags: Dark Side! Cal Kestis, Inquisitor! Cal Kestis

Also posted in AO3

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 | Previous: Chapter 4 | Next: Chapter 6 | Masterlist

5 of ?

There was a pause in their battle. Cal and the Fourth Brother stand in either side of the room. In this predicament, it was a luxury to even have a breather. The two men slowly circled at one another from across the room.

The same questions burned Cal’s mind. He didn’t know which one to ask first. For his benefit of the doubt, he assumed that the Fourth Brother doesn’t know about you—not mentioning you protected you from him in some way—and that he was referring to his female companion who is the Inquisitor you’re currently facing off at this very moment.

“How did you come to know this place?” Cal bellowed, demanding an answer. The Fourth Brother’s silent treatment and grin was beginning to annoy him.

“Why bother knowing such mundane things that can be answered by common sense?”

Knowing that it was hopeless to get a logical and direct answer from him, Cal scoffed in frustration.

“You’re not getting that holocron!” the young Jedi snarled, perseverance burned in him as he pointed his lightsaber at the enemy.

And you’re not getting to her!

This provoked the Fourth Brother, causing him to initiate the duel. Once again, their blades are intercrossed, trapped in another dance of a duel. At this point, Cal had become more aggressive but calculated—timing his Force attacks, mentally coaching himself on what the Fourth Brother’s next move is going to be, and conserving his energy for bigger attacks.

The desire to protect you—and everything you cared about—at all costs was one of Cal’s motivations. Given that the Fourth Brother and his companion is a whole new threat, Cal’s resolve held water.

The Fourth Brother sensed something else from Cal. The aggression combined with a precise coordination proved something of the Jedi. For once in his life, the Inquisitor might be facing someone who could be in the same caliber as his combat skills. He came out of his way to admit—in his mind—that he had underestimated this young boy.

“Oh, you have that fire in you. A glorious inferno!” The Fourth Brother sniggered tauntingly and grinned as he shifted all his weight on a deflecting Cal, their lightsabers’ colors mingling over the gloss of his soulless eyes. “Tell me… what’s your secret?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know!?” Cal snarled back, staggered him away to restart his stance.

“If the Master could see you… Oh! He’d practically take you in our ranks.”

“Don’t count on it!”

Cal retaliated. Gathering up all his Force to send a wave towards the Fourth Brother, he sent the opponent flying and slammed his back hard against the cobblestone wall. However, this wasn’t enough to break the Inquisitor yet. There was still fight in these two men. The duel felt like an eternity.

“Oh, I most definitely will count on it,” the Fourth Brother hissed suggestively.

While on his knees, the Fourth Brother feigned and was mustering up all his energy as well to get back at Cal.

“And so shall the Grand Inquisitor!” he roared, darting through the air towards Cal.

The Fourth Brother threw punches and landed his elbows hard against Cal’s jaw, disorienting the boy, followed by a series of lightsaber attacks. Fortunately, Cal was saved by his armor—the belt straps had been severed and a gash tore the hard leather.

One kick to the rib and the Fourth Brother sends back the same wave towards the Jedi, hoisting up him in the air and throwing him further across their arena. Cal plowed through the ground, denting the silt. The Fourth Brother has gained the upper hand this time.

“If I were you, I’d keep an open mind, Jedi.” The Fourth Brother huffed, slicking back the lock of hair that fell out of place.

Heavy footsteps approached the scene. From the shadows, a second figure appeared. He was unlike anything Cal has ever seen before. He wagered it must be the Grand Inquisitor whom the Fourth Brother mentioned. Tall and gaunt, he walked in the same stride as the Chiss Inquisitor—except he had a thicker air of authority looming about him—yellow eyes glimmered menacingly over a face whose skin was white as bone, red streaks tattooed on his high forehead and the underside of his eyes, lines are literally etched all over his skin.

“Hello… Cal Kestis,” the Pau’an hissed as he spoke.

Cal had this tongue tied. He wasn’t quite sure how and what to respond to that.

“You’re a promising child, I’ll give you that. Nearly at par with one of my best warriors. It’s not every day Ezir meets someone who hasn’t died in the next minute.”

Cal groaned as he tried to move and stand up, with a single abrupt wave of the Grand Inqusitor’s hand, the young Jedi is pinned down by an invisible weight, unable to move. The Pau’an slowly approaches the young man as he spoke.

“I know that—for a Jedi—it’s hard to believe what Fourth Brother is saying. After all, he is an Inquisitor. Why should you trust him? But trust me, he was right on one thing: you ought to keep an open mind. And you listen to what I have to say.”

Cal broke free out of the Force that was holding him down, and struck back at the Grand Inquisitor to which he calmly deflected with his own lightsaber—it was a rather foolish move, brave yet foolish.

“Tsk, I think Ezir didn’t leave with enough fight in you for me,”

“Trust me, I think I have enough for the both of you,” Cal winced.

The Grand Inquisitor burst in a condescending laughter.

“Ah, there it is!”

“What are you going to do with the village?”

“Interesting priority you have there. I won’t go into detail, I take you to be a smart boy. I will deploy all my troops on that sad excuse of a civilization into a garrison. Should they fight back, well,” he scoffed, smirking and imagining the horrendous scene that could possibly take place. “I think you can figure that out for yourself. Just remember the last time you’ve seen an army suddenly storming in and shooting down everyone and everything in sight without question.”

A fire burned within Cal, violently thrashing and flailing within his very core, somewhat revitalizing him. The Grand Inquisitor’s provoking words became a catalyst for Cal’s newfound energy. The boy never ceased to surprise the two Inquisitors. When he was standing close enough, he unlinked his lightsabers and attacked the Grand Inquisitor in a spinning motion. Having known every single lightsaber combat form, the Grand Inquisitor was unfazed at this and easily blocked it all, leaving nary a window of opportunity for the young Jedi—however, Cal’s spirit showed and proved to be invaluable, and it greatly attracted the Grand Inquisitor.

A pity to kill off such a talent. The menacing Pau’an thinks to himself while blocking Cal’s attack with little to no effort.

Meanwhile, you believed to be faring well against the Eighth Sister. The duel continued on, your energy was slowly ebbing—you were exhausted, and so is she—but one of you has to step out as the victor. She was beginning to steal the upper hand. Her litheness never faltered and continued fighting you every last fiber of her being.

The Eighth Sister, still in a brutal frenzy, sending blows at you with such vengeful rage that she got her reward of dealing damage on you. She swung her lightsaber in a diagonal streak, she had hoped she had broken skin—much to her chagrin, she only managed to damage your jacket and armor, and nicked on your shoulder.

“I’ll do better in the next one, girlie!” she screeched.

She prepares herself for the next move, switching on her lightsaber into a spinning mode to lunge right at you—her target was your torso, she had hope to cut you down like ground meat. She thought there’d be absolutely no way for you to get away from that.

The problem with these Inquisitors is that they underestimate the Jedi too much. You thought to yourself, sniggering at the context of the remark.

You managed to push her away from you with the Force, and you sensed that she’s going for another one of her deadly combos the moment she regains her bearings.

Come on, think fast!

Your eyes wandered the entire room. You saw that she was standing between two pillars and a parapet on the verge of breaking hung above her head. Concentrating on the stone fixtures, you quickly extended your hands, your fingers curled into claws, slowly motioning your hands downward the pillars followed your direction—you visualize the parapet crumbling down to the Eighth Sister in your mind, the said beam finally reduced to a large chunk of debris as it all crumbles down onto her.

Clouds of dust gathered and wafted about in the ruin. Everything was quiet again.

“So much for a next one,” you quipped. Finally able to catch your breath.

Little did you know that the rumble of the collapse that you’ve caused thundered across not just in the second level but in the first level as well. It temporarily caught the attention of Cal and the two Inquisitors—each had their own concerns.

“Nahlei…” The Fourth Brother mumbled under his breath.

You tried to take a step forward but you suddenly fell to your knees. You clutched your chest. It seems that the Eighth Sister has done a number on you. The searing pain was still fresh, you can’t go on even if you wanted to. You figured you’d be knocked out cold before you could even actually reach the vault itself.

“Cal…” you muttered under your breath, reaching for your commlink. “Cal… can you hear me?”

Your voice, albeit faint and fading, has reached Cal’s ears. Everyone in the first level foyer has heard the sound of the collapsing stone thundering across the temple.

[Y/N]…! Cal screamed in his thoughts.

“We’ll meet again, Jedi. This isn’t over yet!” the Grand Inquisitor growled as he tossed out a flash bomb out of his pocket and escaped along with the Fourth Brother.

When the white light had dissolved from Cal’s view, he was alone in the foyer.

“They’re gone…” then he gasped, realizing you called to him via the commlink. “[y/n]!”

He rummaged his person to switch on the earpiece of his commlink.

“[y/n], are you alright?”

“Y-Yeah…” you winced and groaned. “No, not really.”

“Hold on, I’m coming to you. Where are you?”

“I’m in…” your deep breaths popped and cracked through the speaker of the comm. Even only speaking made you feel sore. “In the sanctum up ahead from the lobby, from the lobby… where we came in from. I didn’t get to the holocron, I’m sorry.”

Cal’s heart ached as the sound of your sobs overtaking your shaky voice.

“Don’t worry, I’m coming to get you. Just stay there and find someplace to hide. The Inquisitors are here,”

“No kidding, one did a number on me,”

“Stay put. I’m coming,”

“Hurry, Cal… please, it hurts…”

The young Jedi, fleet-footed as he is, scaled the vine-ridden wall and finds himself standing in the east wing of the second level. Long vines hung between the wide gaps, they bridged his path from one point to the other. When the view of the circular lobby was in sight, he sprinted across the dead halls and went to the left—where you ought to be. He entered the conclave and saw the pile of rocks that were once pillars and a parapet sitting in one side of the room. You were sitting on the ground, leaning against the fountain’s base while clutching your shoulder.

“[y/n]!” he exclaimed, his voice was mixed with relief—that you’re alive—and worried about your wounds.

“Cal…” you weakly mumbled.

“Come on, let’s get you out of here,”

“You’re hurt too…” you gasped, reaching for the tear across his armor.

“It’s nothing. Come on,”

He scooped you up in his arms, careful not to hit any of the spots where it hurts you, and cradled you close to him like a baby. A weak arm hooked over his shoulder, you tried your best to hold on tight to him.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t…”

“Shhh, it’s not your fault, hon. It’s not your fault,” he cooed, nuzzling his cheek against your hair.

He sprinted through the lobby, jumped over the gaps, the weight of you in his arms was nothing. Since you weren’t able to move well without hurting yourself, Cal managed to find an alternate exit. He leapt up in the air towards a platform where a gaping hole in the wall leads back to the outside world—the only problem is that the landing was probably a twenty-foot drop.

“Hold on tight to me, okay, [y/n]?”

You nodded weakly, you raised your good arm and held on tight on his chest, feebly clutching onto the fabric of his jumpsuit before makes the leap of faith. The Varans have heard him and they croaked at the sight of Cal. He was relieved that your mounts were still there, untouched and unscathed. Your Varan specifically anxious at the scent of cauterized blood and flesh—Varans were omnivorous creatures, but your connection with the animal did not stimulate its hunger, the creature perceived you as a companion and master. It sniffed your person and shook its head as it croaked in alarm.

“She can’t ride,” Cal spoke to the animal and mounted you on his Varan instead. “You’ll have to catch up with us.”

The reins of your Varan were long enough to tether it with Cal’s reins so it won’t stray without a rider. He secures you with both of his arms acting like a harness, letting you lean against him for the rest of the trip, and takes the reins. Fortunately enough, the Varans maintained a similar pace as Cal rode through the wasteland, on the way back to the village—given that it was the nearest place of shelter for the two of you.

Back at the temple, in the rubble where the Eighth Sister was buried alive in, it turns out that the female Inquisitor was never felled by you.

A fist tore through the debris and she pulled herself out of her supposed grave. She comes out growling, cold blue eyes blazing with a vengeance, her juvenile behavior might be the only thing that died in that collapse. She was rejoined by Ezir—namely, the Fourth Brother—as well as the Grand Inquisitor.

“I hope you can walk that off, Nahlei,” the Fourth Brother quipped.

“When I find that bitch, I’ll make sure she’ll never have to walk at all!” she roared.

The Grand Inquisitor smirked at the young woman’s remark.

Good, her hate didn’t die off with the rubble.

“Conserve that rage for another time, Eighth Sister, you will have the chance of utilizing that in the most opportune moment.”

“It would be my immense pleasure, Grand Inquisitor,”

“Come. We still have much to discuss about those Jedi,”

The pair followed the Grand Inquisitor back to their ship, eager to lay out the plans they have in mind for this planet and for you and Cal.

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rainydaydream-gal18 · 5 years ago

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Thorin x Reader: Evermore

Author’s Note: Hello everyone!!! Some of you may recognize these stories from my old account! I am so excited to be back, and I managed to find a few of my stories from before. This was originally a two-part story, but unfortunately, I can’t seem to find the second part. I am pretty sad about that, but I figured you would enjoy the first part nonetheless!

Also, on a more fun note, if you any of you are a fan of Richard Armitage in other stuff, like the British series called “North and South,” you might get the reference hidden in here :D

Enjoy!

“_________!” Thorin bellowed.

You winced at how his deep voice echoed with rage throughout Erebor. He definitely did not sound too happy. As usual. The anxiety was quickly replaced with anger as you closed the book in your hand and slammed it down on the table, causing Bilbo, Ori, and Balin to look at you in surprise.

Ever since the Company reclaimed Erebor and the gold fell into Thorin’s possession, he had not been himself. All he ever did was mull about the halls and throne room, not speaking to anyone unless he wanted to give an order regarding the search and recovery of the Arkenstone. He had been obsessed with finding it. Not to mention he would take time out of his day to just stare at the heaps of gold that Smaug had previously guarded. It was as if the treasure had some sort of hold on him.

To be fair, you had been overwhelmed the first few days by the glittering wealth that surrounded. However, it started to get old the moment Thorin commanded the Company to search each and every pile of gold to find that Arkenstone. Now you just wished for it all to disappear.

“If he is calling me in to make me search that treasure room one more time…” you muttered bitterly, standing to your feet.

“I know you’re frustrated, child. You have every right to be,” Balin told you gently. “But I would advise you not to say anything of it.”

“We don’t want to set him off,” Bilbo agreed.

“Please be careful, ________,” Ori told you quietly.

“I will,” you replied with a sigh.

Balin looked at you worriedly with a frown. He began to get up from his chair. “Maybe it’s best if I go with you.”

“No, it’s fine.” You didn’t want to stress out the elderly dwarf any more than he already was. “This is Thorin we’re talking about, after all.”

“He is very…unstable at this time. If you were to provoke him…”

“I’ll try not to.”

“_________!” The angry voice roared once more, making you jump. Bilbo shot you a look of concern as you left, and you could’ve sworn there was a twinge of guilt in his expression. He had been asking a lot of questions about the Arkenstone lately. Perhaps he found it after all…? It didn’t matter either way. The longer it was kept from Thorin, the better.

You tried to maintain your composure as neared the throne room. If Thorin kept being a jerk, it was going to be a lot harder to refrain from losing it. Upon entering the room, you were faced with a scene that you saw every day now, but still broke your heart every time.

Thorin paced back and forth across the room, his royal robes trailing messily behind him. His hair was greasy and unkempt, a result of his carelessness towards anything that didn’t have to do with the treasure. His skin had become pale from not eating, and there were dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep. You and the others tried your best to make sure he took care of himself, but it was no use. To think you had once admired him. Loved him, even. You still cared for him, but he was not half the leader he once was. No longer deserving of anyone’s admiration now that he had broken a promise to the people of Lake-town.

“Can I help you?” you asked, keeping you tone calm and even. He turned on you, mouth twisting into a sneer, and eyes narrowing.

“Why are you not searching?”

“What?” You were taken by surprise by how utterly cross he looked that the question barely registered.

“Why are you not searching?” he repeated the question with greater emphasis, taking a step closer. “The whole lot of you insists on wasting time while my Arkenstone remains lost!”

You held back an exasperated sigh. “We’ve been searching most of the day, every day, for nearly a week. It’s time that we rest, or else we risk losing our energy and getting ill.”

“Nonsense,” he growled. Then, his expression took on a cold look. For some reason, it scared you more than his previously angry state. “Though I suppose I cannot expect you to understand the importance of finding the Arkenstone. You are not a dwarf of Erebor.”

You stared at him for a moment as the words sunk in. That was it. You had put up with his bossiness and mood swings this entire time, searching desperately for his precious Arkenstone while trying to find time to take care of yourself…And now he had the nerve to imply that you simply didn’t care as much as he did? Because you weren’t a dwarf of Erebor? You were normally a very easy-going person, but that sent you over the edge.

“How dare you tell me that I don’t understand the importance of the situation!” you snapped, unable to hold back any longer.

“How dare I?” He looked appalled. “How dare you speak to me in this manner!”

“I have traveled alongside you as a member of the Company from the start! I’ve fought and risked my life several times for this cause. For your people. For you.” You let out a frustrated sigh, avoiding his burning gaze. There was no way he was going to just let this go. You feared what he would say next. So, rather than stick around to find out, you turned to stalk out of the throne room.

“Where are you going?”

“Away. Anywhere to get away from you.”

“You cannot leave.”

“Oh yes I can. And I will. I think I will go pay Thranduil and Bard a visit. I hear they’re treating their subjects a lot better,” you retorted angrily, not even sparing a glance at Thorin over your shoulder. Footsteps pounded on the stone floor as he raced to catch up with you. A warm, calloused hand found its way to your wrist. It was a firm grasp, but not menacing or painful.

“I command you to stay,” he said, although the anger in his voice faltered. It sounded more like a plea than an order.

You turned around to see him standing right there, blue eyes focused on you intently as he waited for your response. It was hard to miss the fact that they looked much clearer now, as if the dragon sickness had less of a hold on him in this moment. As if this was the real Thorin talking now. It filled you with enough hope to almost make you reconsider the decision to leave. However, if you gave in, there was a good chance he’d fall right back into the sickness again and things would go back to normal…with you searching the seemingly endless pile of treasure for that stupid Arkenstone while he lounged around in the throne room all day. You couldn’t go back to that. You just couldn’t.

“I don’t have to follow your orders, king under the mountain,” you replied curtly. “You said it yourself; I’m not a dwarf of Erebor.”

With that, you pulled your wrist from his grip and left the room. Your feet carried you swiftly down the halls back to the library where all your things were kept. Balin, Bilbo, and Ori glanced up when you entered, looking worried.

“What happened, child?” Balin asked, his eyebrows furrowing with concern.

A roar echoing from the throne room seemed to answer his question. He looked at the doorway solemnly.

“Are you alright?” Bilbo asked, noticing the tears trickling down your face as you gathered things for the short journey.

“I have to leave,” you told him. “Right now. I’m so sorry. I thought that once we reclaimed Erebor, this would become a home of sorts for me. I wanted so badly to stay here with you and the others, but I just don’t belong here. I’m sorry!”

Balin breathed a small sigh, his eyes glistening with tears that threatened to fall, as he patted your shoulder gently. “It is alright, dear. I understand. None of us blame you.”

You pulled him into a hug, then Bilbo and Ori. “Thank you for everything. I hope this whole thing ends soon so we can all be together again.”

“Me too,” Ori agreed sadly.

“Safe travels,” Bilbo added.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As soon as you had left, Thorin stood there by the open door for a minute, as if waiting for you to come walking back in and saying it was all a big mistake. That you’d stay. When you didn’t return, he paced away from the door angrily.

I was the one who had it all I was the master of my fate I never needed anybody in my life I learned the truth too late

How ungrateful, he thought to himself, that you should leave so suddenly! He had offered you a home, a place among his people. And here you were running off! He let out a desperate roar, hearing it reverberate through the room.

The door creaked, signaling someone’s arrival. Oh, here you were. Crawling back to him to beg for his forgiveness. Thorin halted in the middle of the throne room, fists clenched, lips pulled back in a sneer as he whipped his head around to glare at the door. But it wasn’t you. It was Dwalin.

The usually rough and tough warrior stood before him, crestfallen. “She’s gone,” he said simply, and those two words made Thorin feel strangely empty. It sparked a moment of clarity in the ever-present cloud of sickness.

How could he have let this happen? How could drive you away like that? He cared for you deeply, though he had never brought himself to tell you. Perhaps he should have. Maybe you wouldn’t be running away now if he had told you his feelings.

“That’s that, then,” Dwalin sighed. “It’s about time. With the way you treated her, she was bound to leave eventually.”

Thorin shot his friend a glare, but inside he was in agreement with the warrior. You had put up with so much the past few days. Searching and searching for that Arkenstone. At the thought of the jewel, the dragon sickness took hold of him again, and he felt justified in his actions. This was the Arkenstone, after all. No effort should be spared in trying to find it.

Dwalin lingered in the room for a moment longer before deciding it was no use. Thorin would not be snapping out of it anytime soon.

After he had left, Thorin whirled around and stomped his way towards the treasury. Looking at the gold always made him feel better. It drowned out the battle taking place in his mind. He no longer heard the voice of the real Thorin trying to make him see reason. All his senses were instead filled with the glittering mess that spread out before him.

I'll never shake away the pain I close my eyes but she's still there I let her steal into my melancholy heart It's more than I can bear

Thorin paused when he heard footsteps stepping gingerly across the treasure, scattering coins and creating miniature jewel avalanches. The sound was accompanied by sniffling and muffled sobs. It was you. Thorin jumped behind a column to hide his form from your view, only tipping his head slightly to watch as you picked up a handful of coins.

The sickness raged inside of him. Did you dare to take his treasure? To steal from the king under the mountain? He was about to leap from his hiding spot and confront you, when he saw you narrow your eyes at the coins in hand.

“I hate you,” you muttered as if the coins could hear you. “I hate you so much. You’ve destroyed the lives of so many.” Then, you cast the handful of coins aside bitterly as you continued on your way.

Guilt and shame gripped Thorin as he watched you leave, empty-handed. This was you, after all. He always knew that you were much too honorable to take those coins without permission. Deep down, a part of him knew that even if you had taken the coins, you had every right. You did have rights to one-fifteenth of the treasure. The dragon sickness pushed the thought out of his mind.

Mine. It’s all mine.

Thorin followed, staying in the shadows, as you headed for the front gate. It was no matter that they had recently built the wall up with debris and broken boulders from when Smaug broke through. You simply lowered a rope and began a careful descent until you reached the ground below.

Now I know she'll never leave me Even as she runs away She will still torment me, calm me, hurt me Move me, come what may Wasting in my lonely tower Waiting by an open door I'll fool myself she'll walk right in And be with me for evermore

Your boots touched the grass below, and you took off running for where Thranduil’s army had set up camp. Thorin stood on the balcony in silence, watching as you ran without stopping.

“Look back. Look back at me.” I rage against the trials of love I curse the fading of the light Though she's already flown so far beyond my reach She's never out of sight

He watched as your form grew smaller and smaller in the distance, realizing that this was really it. You had gone. Now I know she'll never leave me Even as she fades from view She will still inspire me, be a part of Everything I do Wasting in my lonely tower Waiting by an open door I'll fool myself she'll walk right in And as the long, long nights begin I'll think of all that might have been Waiting here for evermore!

But even as you ran away, he couldn’t shake the feeling that this wasn’t the end.

#the hobbit x reader #imagine #hobbit imagine #thorin x reader #beauty and the beast #evermore song #thorin oakenshield #reader insert #hobbit reader insert #company x reader #the hobbit #the hobbit imagine #thorin imagine

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gg-astrology · 5 years ago

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🌊 bts fic recs pt. II 🌊

hello if ure here for astro pls bare with me i rarely do this promise ;; 💕❤️ since its been a while, I kinda wanted to do another fic rec and show u all these cool fics ive been reading that impacted me in some ways 💕❤️

If you’re new, hello! 💕❤️ I usually rec fics that gives me a lot of cool atmospheric feels, interesting take on the trope/genres. So to start, here are two fics that are Amazing and Kinda Scary But Is So Good (and Kinda Changed My Life/Stayed With Me Still)

Ps. The top part of this list is pretty heavy -- as in, heavy topics/subjects, read the tags and warnings on the fic as well so you don’t go in unassuming ;;. If you’re not into the first 5 i recommend on here --feel free to scroll down and just see what you like! 💕❤️ I promise I also have like, lighter stuff in here too! 💕❤️ Also: most of it’s very taegi and yoonkook heavy i know skjnsk i didn’t realize how much of them i actually read/accumulated over the years but here we go! 💕❤️

It Happened Quiet by hobimo - not sure if i rec’ed this before. But this is by far one of the most soul-impacting, life-changing fic I’ve ever read. I don’t think I’ve ever read something so true to the horror genre? But at the same time, there’s such a beautiful plot and time-travel and mystery/lore behind it. The characters are so interesting, I know it says taegi, vhope, and taegihope but it’s a lot less about the romantic side of things and I’d definitely recommend this for the *wriggle hands* entire fic. It’s amazing. Please give it a read (maybe when it’s not dark) 💕❤️

Bodies of Water by themarmalade - yoonmin, siren/horror theme and this one kept me on my toes as well 💕❤️ it’s such an interesting story and take on the fantasy/horror genre, I definitely recommend this one just as much as I do to the one above. Also, themarmalade writes alot of amazing fics-- there’s a masseur/cuddle-therapist minjoon one and also Scowl at the Moon is an amazing angsty namkook one 💕❤️AND a taejoon t’hat one weird city where the dj/narrator talks about carlos who’s so handsome’ au.. something ville??forgot the name rn... I recommend their entire body of work tbh ;; 💕❤️

Singularity by PrettyBoysTaegi (GetOutOFMyTreeNovice) - taegi, supernatural, coming back to life. DEFINITELY do not take the major character death lightly - BUT before you look away, it’s SUCH a good fic. I can’t recommend this enough, it kinda kick started by overall love and fascination for horror-themed fic and aus. There’s something to appreciate in feeling something so fully and so much, like that feeling when you’re overwhelmed with love and you can’t hold it in. It’s in your eyes, nose, pores, mouth. You’re overflowing with it and it’s just rolling out of you. Anyways I love this so much 💕❤️

in all dishonesty by fruitily - taegi, i foam and go full feral thinking about this fic sometimes. It’s so fun, so entertaining. So fucking great, I don’t. I can’t even explain. It’s light, fun, something to break you from all my heavy fic recs so far. 💕❤️

Satie by paperhearts - taegi, this one is an old one but it’s definitely an Experience. war fic? kinda? reincarnation? it’s amazing n I can’t even spoil it. Please check it out 💕❤️

Murmuration by fringecity (indiachick) - I know I rec’ed this before, but the author just said they finished the last chapter and it’s been SUCH a long ride I want to rec it again for those who wants a good, long, read. One of the best fic on ao3 honestly? So well researched, so detailed. Plot driven and I just appreciate how the different element/tropes all fits together on here. It’s a mystery/thriller fic-- and it’s amazing. Yoonmintae but this aint about them this is about what’s happening. They’re in this together, and the characters themselves are so good. If you’re looking for a fic that develops and keeps you on your toes-- this is the one 💕❤️ Action, mystery, thriller, gang, magic? science? amazing.

The Things Worth Going to War For by softlyblue - sope, I know I recommended this before but this is BY FAR the most fleshed out, understandable and digestible fantasty/adventure fic. It’s so RICH with lore and culture and PEOPLE. Even the ocs feels authentic and aren’t intrusive at all. It’s on lock so you’ll need an account, but I recommend getting an account JUST to read this fic to be honest. It’s THAT good. Also: mind the warnings! 💕❤️ OH and the fighting scenes and anticipation for war is SO good. One of the BEST fic honestly.

And I Fall by spudcity - not sure if I rec’ed this before, taegi, constantine au, I don’t actually know what constantine au is. But the setting, the environment, the social setting AND also just the plot development and story is so captivating. It’s something else to think about like-- you coming in with nothing in mind and being able to understand the world and all of it’s expansive element just because of this fic. It says a lot about how good the author is, I hope you like this fic alot too💕❤️

golden haze by CaptainButts - vmin, alien au. Amazing, one of the best vmin I’ve ever read? 💕❤️ Captainbutt is amazingly good at characterization as well, so you’ll definitely see more fic recs of their stories from me for sure. Plus -- this fic definitely spiralled me into fulfilling my full aquarius mercury nature and getting into that good alien contemplation. Amazing.

like real people do by notyoongs - yoonkook, space au and also robotic/AI au 💕❤️ This is such a nice, slow-burn, fleshed out fic. Especially in terms of characters, and also inclusion of the rest of bangtan/their subtle involvement in making the main pairing go through their development. Anyways, one of the best AI au I’ve ever read 💕❤️ It’s not angsty as well, so!! 💕❤️

everyone brave is forgiven by notyoongs - yoonkook, spiderman slash avengers au. words can’t describe how much i love this fic. Frustration at the character, dread at what’s about to happen, heart-breaking sadness at the resolution. BUT the entire ride is such a beautiful journey full of sunset-washed colours. This is definitely not of the fic you’ll have to read and it reminds you that the present is the most important, to enjoy the ride. To enjoy every emotions that you’ve faced and is given, it really makes you feel so full and grateful. I love this fic 💕❤️

Inside a sinking feeling by CaptainButts - jinkook, amazing art heist vs police au 💕❤️ Not only is the plot so good, the twists and turns, the dialogue is amazing -- plus, it has alot of actions and good old romance. Even if you don’t normally read this pairing, it’s an amazing fic I definitely recommend. They also wrote another jinkook au that’s equally amazing-- its a lifeguard/childhood crush au, but this one -- the art heist one-- is amazing. 💕❤️

From Apogee to Perigee by Namib - taegi, holiday town au. As in, there’s christmas town and there’s halloween towns. Inclusion of all members, and we trek tae’s journey in getting gifts for yoongi. It IS light and fluffy, but this story is so interesting because there’s a lot of interactions that adds onto the story. Lots of flashbacks, interactions with each member of bts adds a layer to the story in a different way. We see more and more of the relationship through tae’s interaction with others, It’s so beautiful seeing variety of emotions and depth and you have to pick up on different things here. Because taehyung as a character and narrator is oblivious or still nervous about yoongi’s affection for him. So. This is such a cool fic and interesting trope and it’s amazing I recommend it lots

You’re My Home by heyyyjude - taegi, this is a sequel but this one hits so hard. A lot of people -- me included -- likes to think of ourselves as very giving and very demonstrative of that. That we definitely love something more, as we should, socially. But when confronted with how we actually treat/act long term and what our subconscious actions say. Sometimes we have to re-evaluate ourselves. This fic really digs deep and makes itself a home in my life because of this idea of -- re-evaluating yourself and how you love someone, the idea of prioritizing and learning how to take care of others-- knowing you’re allowed to have passions and hobbies you live and breath for outside of that. Relationships really are like that sometimes, where you do need to step back and think about things like this and how you act sometimes. Definitely recommend this lots. 💕❤️

Sweet Music Playing in the Dark by GinForInk - chaptered, namkook, a really cool take on abo dynamics and relationships plus its not as angsty as it sounds it’s actually really nice! thought provoking if you put yourself in namjoon’s shoes and think about privileges n postering. Something to think about, but overall just a really nice fic 💕❤️

Chasing the Sun by almostsophie1 - oneshot, taegi, long-fic 💕❤️there’s a lot of soulmate connection tropes out there but this one actually teleports you physically to where your soulmate is which is really interesting bc you actually. do know your soulmate + have that security a lil (in knowing its not a dream) and it’s a sweet, overall, very nice fic that doesn’t really play with my emotions 💕❤️

together we’ll count our stars by czar (cmajorchords) - namgi, radio station au. Lots of good, good feels. This one has a lot of feelings. It came at a time where I was going through something that really resonated with it, but even without my personal experience -- there’s something so sleepless and timeless about it. I recommend this for the soothing quality it has, the feeling of going through something hard and coming out on the otherside alright again 💕❤️

Kiss me hard before you go by 77735 - sope, roommates, misunderstanding but so so so shock full of love 💕❤️ so soft, reading this was such a pleasure, a very good plot AND very good characters, lots of pining 💕❤️ Miscommunication, all the good stuff 💕❤️ But so so much love in between the lines, love it 💕❤️

You love a stone by roebling - taegi, medusa but spin it on it’s head as in there’s a happy ending 💕❤️ love this take on it so much, actually roebling writes alot of really cool recreates of fairytales/myths like dragons and stuff -- makes me think of the holy grail but like, nicer. Definitely digestible, such a cool fic i can’t rec enough 💕❤️💕❤️ light and good 💕❤️

In each place (oh you remain) by misspamela - minjoon, hades/persephone, consent has always been a thing with hades/persephone adaptations. So this is another interesting fic on that 💕❤️ Short n sweet, but amazing 💕❤️

And my heart is set on you (You better shape up) by Bandit4Life - taegi, theatre au, enemies to lovers, lots of pick up lines 💕❤️ Grease au? But make it gay. The fic I didn’t know I needed until I read it and then realized its a part of my life now. So good 💕❤️

mind if i slytherin? by notyoongs - yoonkook, hogwart teachers au. Love the involvement of student and just-- the social dynamic here. Also love a happy ending. This is definitely an ‘open for surprise’ kinda deal but like-- a nice surprise. A present. C: 💕❤️

Open the Floodgates by soft_bro_fun - namjin, so good, explicit but it’s such a cool take on self-esteem thing and just. perspective, y know? how you can see yourself a certain way but through third person or in another’s eyes there’s a different narrative going on. Anyways this is good fic 💕❤️

let love get the best of us by czar (cmajorchords) - taegi, so good. 💕❤️ not as angsty as it seems, very reassuring and like--it’s just so nice. Especially when you think about -- like, the fear of being in love, it’s very valid to feel this way. I think a lot of people often choose to say no as a self-preservation. It’s something to explore 💕❤️

sucker by notyoongs - yoonkook, werewolf/supernatural au. Roommates? just very nice development and trope and just overall how it plays out. 💕❤️ A lil bit of miscommunication but not much. It’s overall a really really enjoyable fic 💕❤️

How much to give and how much to take by Aguacates - I love a lot of fic by this author so you’ll see more recs about them ;; ksjnjnsk namkook, arranged marriage au 💕❤️ please give it a read, it’s SUCH a good fic. Amazing writing and characters, I love how they have like-- a trope/plot we see around alot but they really just dig into it and made it WORK so well 💕❤️

Moonshine lovers by bedroomdemos - taegi, taehyung as vampire, truth serum 💕❤️ honestly such a great and interesting fic! first of all i love the premise, second i love how it all played out and just -- I want more, this is a fic that makes me love it so much I keep going back to read it bc it hits different 💕❤️

Pull me Under by Oh_Hey_Tae - namseok, with yoonjinkook and vmin, cruise/life-guard au and a lot of rich frat boys 💕❤️ Along the same lines as fruitily’s taegi -- this is also a very summer-y, flirty, light hearted but v v nice fic 💕❤️ Love how the audience can see joon being flustered even tho we’re in hoseok’s narrative, but like-- it’s so nice to just, see things from hobi’s side bc we’re usually on joon’s side when he’s interacting with hobi (in namseok fics) 💕❤️ So yeah!! 💕❤️ A great read!! 💕❤️

Slytherin Your Heart by softyoongles - taegi, hogwarts au. One of the thing that really hits me is the inclusion of other characters.How in the middle of that. It elevates the main pairing without isolating them from the rest of the cast/crew. This one hits 💕❤️

the planets bend between us by sharpa - taegi, space explorers, kinda established relationship BUT i’d like to point you towards the AMAZING narrative style and how when we do time-skip/replay into the past it actually makes so much sense AND adds onto the dynamic between these two characters 💕❤️ I love it so much, it’s a fic that leaves my stomach feeling full like I’ve just had a very good meal. 💕❤️

a hold on me by CaptainButts - junghope, single-father au, amazing to see namjoon as hoseok’s kid and also junghope’s past relationship together. Embarrassing dads, also side vmin and yoonjin. Love it

Paint by Minverse - vmin, amazing fic that explores gender/sexuality, relationships and the lgbtqa+ spaces/subjects so well? Literally one of the most well-done fic I’ve ever read that incorporates these areas PLUS all of it’s complexity. It doesn’t lose an INCH of complexity. And like, it’s NOT SAD it’s actually pretty light (?) bc we’re seeing it from -- tae’s side most of the time which is great. 💕❤️ Anyways I can’t rec this enough 💕❤️💕❤️ It’s so good!! 💕❤️

yellow red AND blue purple by baekyun (baruna) - namkook+namminkook royalty au AND taegi royalty au. Basically taehyung’s a bodyguard to yoonji. Kook gets married off to namjoon but he’s like-- namjoon’s fan and supporter. Jimin’s jungkook bodyguard and “some” -- it’s a complicated thing. But it’s an interesting take on world building, history and politics as well. Particularly with the taegi one, and then further in the namkook one. Anyways it’s refreshing to read, it’s on lock so you’ll have to register for ao3 to have an acc ;; 💕❤️ Having an acc is so good tho bc u can also bookmark stuff and its all in one place 💕❤️

Some classics I’d like to rec!!! 💕❤️ These ones below are fics that are probably multi-chaptered, or I just really really enjoyed. 💕❤️

If i wanted to (i do) by kaythebest - vmin, marriage au. The goodest slow burn, the best story about developing relationships and just. Ugh. I can’t recommend this one enough, it’s just so fucking good. Kept me on my toes for ages, definitely one of the best vmin i’ve read ;u; 💕❤️

Fake Sugar by minverse - jinkook, sugar daddy au but NOT what you expected. The background of these characters are so good. This is actually one of the more light-hearted one from the author, but it’s still so amazing and so good. Especially since the dynamic between jinkook has a lot of domestic stuff instead of sexual things we were expecting, and a lot of corporate/shady fun in the social atmosphere they’re in. 💕❤️

tea house special by baekhyun (baruna) - yoonkook, avatar the last air bender au. Sugar daddy as well? Kinda? Fraternizing with the enemies? Kinda? But this one’s a classic. Amazing, I love it so much. One of the best bts avatar crossover. There’s also a sequel that focuses on Jimin as an earth fighter too. Definitely check it out! 💕❤️

an inhabited world by misspamela - namseok, this one’s so good. Jump started my love for namseok fic. There’s explicit stuff as well, but I just. I love this fic 💕❤️

unfinished by fruitily - yoonkook, ghost au. Love this, love the supernatural. One of the best yoonkook ghost fic. I recommend this one like, please press the link and see for yourself!! 💕❤️

Just Skins by syubology - taegi, i dont even know what it is but it’s amazing. Fwb au? The author said they want to do re-writes of Just Skins so!! skjsnkjsn let’s be patient. In the meantime, there’s war-fics from the author that they’re updating/currently working on? 💕❤️

you are my bravest everything by 777335 - vmin, long-distance. I love this one so much, it’s SUCH a good read if you haven’t read it yet. 💕❤️ Relationships are hard enough already, but when you teeter the lines between wanting to be a supportive friend but also are you interested in Them? -- it’s something that’s so *clench fist* gets me in the feels wow. 💕❤️

Will you B Minor? by ohdizzy - taegi prequel to Blow me like your French Horn jikook fic (its a series) both are incredibly good. amazing. funny! i recommend reading both. You get a hefty amount of taegi in bmlyfh too.The Jikook fic is so nice💕❤️

Black&Gold by marchdahlia - yoonkook, camboy au. But guess what? The dynamic and power structure is different from their cam persona vs irl. This is such an interesting take. I love this so much tbh 💕❤️

Baby girl, I can’t breath by hoars - MY FAVOURITE LESBIANS!! 💕❤️taegi, but also other pairs. This is a CLASSIC and no matter if you prefer mlm or wlw or just, idk. Anything. The plot and characters surpasses expectations and boundaries. It’s so enjoyable to read. Note that it’s very old, so some of the issues are things in the earlier days of bangtan fandom.

too cute to hurt by mimiforce - taegi, fem. This is the sweetest, softest fic ever you don’t even have to like f/f it’s just. really nice. Short and light read. Sneaky kisses.

love does(n’t) hurt by artaemin - yoonkook, one of the most beautiful fic i’ve ever read? I recommend other fics by artaemin as well. But this one -- wow. For those who wants to experience emotions for the first time, and also it’s actually like. A happy ending!!! 💕❤️

large, extra cheese, extra sauce (extra you) by vminism - taegi, pizza deliver au. This pre-dates bon voyage 2, so basically the start of the taegi resurgence and rise of taegi. Amazing fic, I love it so much. Alot of cute, soft, cheesy stuff 💕❤️

disappearing act done poorly by kyungchul - taegi, movie theater au. Past vhope, but this is very very nice and so amazing to read bc of the plot, the moments, the trope. I recommend you read something that remind you of bridget jones diary era once in your life. It’s amazing

describe your ideal type here by fruitilys - yoonkook, this is once again, a classic and an amazing yoonkook fic. Matchmaker tae. Incredibly entertaining writing. I have nothing else I would wish for 💕❤️

True or False, Taehyung? by clumsy_taegi - taegi, this one is explicit but it stuck with me because of the characterization of Taehyung. I love this characterization of him so much because? it’s not like, predictable at all. As in, if you put other characters in this situation -- you might have someone bursting into tears, but he didn’t. And it’s? that’s something amazing. And makes me think about just-- like, how emotional every other fic I’ve read has been which is like!! great too. But it made me pause and think.

p.s. i love you by notyoongs - yoonkook, the ‘pretend relationship’ trope but-- this is so fucking heartaching and romantic. I can’t recommend this enough, it’s so good 💕❤️

of monsters and me by notyoongs - yoonkook and later, a brief rapline x kook monsterfucker fic. This is a series, it’s all explicit. Basically, there’s a lot of sex. BUT the idea of monster under your bed and relationships between kook and yoongi is so cool? Because realistically, there’s a lot to consider and also just-- the dynamic in the relationship. The power play. Like,, this is a demon we’re talking about. Anyways it’s so cool.

here comes the sun by fruitilys - yoonkook, i don’t even know how to describe it. But its amazing, this is one of my favourite fic of theirs -- and in the bts ao3 site tbh. It’s so good. I love it. 💕❤️

#personal #fic recs #recs #bts fic rec #bts #taegi #vmin #yoonkook #sope #jinkook #namjin #junghope #namkook #namseok

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navalcriminalimagines · 5 years ago

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Comfort zone - 3

Author's note: I'm amazed by all the great comments I'm receiving for these series!!! It means a lot to me, I'm so happy you guys are loving it! ♥️♥️♥️

For those who don't know, English isn't my mother language (I'm french), so I apologize for the possible mistakes, and how it must not be grammatically correct!

Tag list (if you want to be tag, just let me know!): @madpanda75 @zombz78 @zoeykaytesmom @mommakat32 @hannahlouise98 @imaginecrushes @cold-blooded-girls

Liv asked why you wanted to change partners. Obviously, you couldn't tell her how you feel about Sonny and how things were getting really complicated between the two of you. "Carisi is almost as new as I am, I think I could learn much more with Fin. No offense to my partner, he is great,"

Your boss probably pretended to buy your excuse but she agreed anyway. She noticed how you changed for the past two months, you looked sad and always exhausted. "Do you need vacations, y/n?" She gently asked. You already thought about it before but you came to the conclusion it would make things worst.

"No, I'm fine Liv," you lied. She told you to leave for the night and that she would make the changes tomorrow. Before going back to your desk, you stopped by your locker to take your training clothes. You quickly waved the team goodbye and left for the gym.

"What is wrong with her, lately?" Amanda asked to her co-workers but mainly Carisi. He had to be the one that knows more about it.

"You should ask Barba," Sonny simply answered, nervously typing on his keyboard. Amanda gave a questioning look to Fin but the older detective just raised his shoulder.

"Do we miss something?"

It was like Sonny didn't hear Amanda's last question. He turned off his laptop and left the precinct. His girlfriend has been texted him all day to remind him about their meeting with her best friends. He definitely didn't want to go. He didn't want to meet her friends. Mandy is a very nice girl and she likes Sonny very much, but he isn't in love with her. He likes her, of course. Even though he doesn't want to admit it, he hoped he could forget you in her arms. But there's not a single second where he doesn't think about you. When she kissed him, he wonders what your lips would taste like. When she hugged him, he only thinks about your hugs. He can smell you through her. He hears your voice when she talks.

But you have Jeff. At least, you had him. You already told Sonny you were dating Jeff forever. He could never forget the time you told that Jeff is your one and only. He always dreamt about that kind of love. Love that was meant to be. When he started to feel something for you, he hated himself. He is Catholic, faithful is important to him too. He promised himself he would never go after someone already taken. And he didn't. He managed to go over his feelings for you until two months ago when you changed. And it seems clear to him that you have - or had - an affair with Barba. A part of him feels disappointing in you. He believed you when you said you could never cheat on Jeff or anyone else.

"Sonny, baby!" Mandy greeted him with a kiss. She introduced him to her two best friends, Sonja and Jenna. He ordered a scotch, he needed something strong to go through this night. He barely talked. He wasn't really there but thankfully the girls didn't seem to notice. After his third glass of scotch and thinking about Barba before every sip, "I'm drinking this because of that idiot," he repeated to himself, Mandy forced to come on the dancefloor. He reluctantly agreed, after she complained. He was uncomfortable. This is not where he should be. They are not the people he should be with.

Sonny excused himself to Mandy and walked to the bathroom. But a laugh stopped him in his course. That laugh, your laugh. He is dying to hear it since two months and he hears it now. In the middle of a bar. Thanks to his size, he looked around to see where you were. Somehow, he hoped you were not there with Rafael but with a friend or even Jeff. He fell hard when he saw Rafael tugging your hair behind your ear, with a flirty look on his face. Rafael was the first to see him. He smiled. That asshole smiled. Sonny felt jealousy burning inside of him. When his blue eyes met yours, his face dropped in disbelief. You were about to stand up and say something but Mandy, obviously drunk, arrived and hugged Sonny from behind. The only thing you saw was her hands on his chest and how he softly took them in his own hands. He ignored you and turned around to face his girlfriend.

"Wanna go or wanna play?" Rafael whispered in your ear.

"Love is not a game to me. I'm going to take off, if you don't mind," you put your leather coat on and stood up to leave. Rafael told you to wait outside while he paid the bill. You didn't take one last look at Sonny and his girl, you just rushed out of the bar. You waited for Rafael for what seems like forever. Of course, the ADA couldn't let things like this. He appreciated you the moment you joined SVU, while he took him almost two years to tolerate the Fordham Law student. The squad started to feel like family to him. At some points, he hated it but it also felt good to have friends.

"Detective," he greeted Sonny with a smirk like only Rafael had. The detective rolled his eyes while Mandy decided to speak.

"Hi! I'm Mandy, Sonny's girlfriend," she offered her hand to Rafael and he shook it.

"Nice to meet you, Mandy," he smiled, "Do you mind if I steal your man for a second?"

She seemed to think for a moment, "How about you join us? My friends are waiting for Sonny and I. They are going to think to lock ourselves in the bathroom," she laughed and winked at Sonny.

"Lovely," Rafael sighed, "Not to be annoying but it's important," he looked at Sonny right in his eyes, only him could make Mandy go.

"I'm sure it can wait," Sonny said.

"Okay, fine. Just so you know, Carisi, your partner and you really need to talk about a case. I mean, talking can avoid misunderstandings. It would be a disaster to lose that case over a mistrial,"

Rafael joined you, hoping that his message was clear enough for Sonny. Once you found yourself alone in your apartment, you took a shower and you realized your hands inflated since your training session earlier. You really strive on the punching bag, giving up all your frustrations. You looked at your engagement ring and tried to take it off but it was stuck on your finger. You were thinking about taking it off and gave it back to Jeff for weeks now. But it seems like it would definitely marked the end of your relationship with him. Plus, people would notice and start questioning about. You were not ready to answer those questions. You wanted and needed more time to avoid the reality.

[From Rafael] : If you need anything, call me. Buenas noches, guapa.

[To Rafael] : I can't thank you enough for everything, Rafa. I'm lucky to have you, good night.

[From Rafael] : I wanna go to Cuba this winter. It's just an idea.

[To Rafael] : Haha, okay. When I'll be the boss, I'll take you to Havana.

[From Rafael] : Already counting days. :)

You smiled at his cuteness, trying to use the smiley face. You confessed Rafael what your ultimate goal was; being a Captain and running your own precinct. Of course it was a long and complicated road, but you promised it to your dad. That was his dream. But instead and due to your mother's wants, he became the CEO of sells firm. He hated it. He hated to wear a suit everyday, to make difficult decisions, to ruin someone's life if he had to fire them. "No matter what Jeff or anyone else wants you to do, just don't listen to them. Follow your heart and your dreams. Not someone else's." he told you multiple times. And you did. At first, you wanted to join the Navy but due to medical issues you had when you were a kid, you couldn't. So, you entered the police academy. And here you were. SVU Detective. For now.

Wrapped under a blanket, watching Friends all over again for the billion times, you got distracted by someone knocking at your door. The first person you thought about was Jeff. But the man that was behind the door was a bit taller, with shorter hair and thinner. "Can I come in?" Sonny softly asked. He looked exhausted and a bit drunk. He nearly tripped one of your shoes but you caught him. You helped him to sit on your couch and went to the kitchen to get some water. "Will you ever stop watching this?" he sighed.

"When I'll be dead,"

"How I Met Your Mother is much better," he provoked.

"Yeah? Star Trek sucks," you provoked back, and he looked offended.

"Spock will hunt you down forever," he warned you, mimicked Spock's ears and you laughed. You missed him so bad. You missed your partner, your friend.

"Why are you here, Sonny?" you asked after a silence.

"Rafael said we needed to talk so let's talk," his eyes finally met yours for the first time he got into your apartment, "Jeff doesn't live here anymore, does he?"

You sighed and looked at one of the walls to avoid his gaze, "He- left two months ago,"

"Why?" you looked at Sonny and chuckled. Was it the time where you tell how you feel?

"Because he is a very wise man," you only answered.

"Or because you slept with Barba maybe? I mean- I'd break up with my fiancée too for this reason," "Rafael Barba. How offensive is that?" He acted like he was disgusted. This time, you couldn't help but laugh. Sonny really thinks you have an affair with Rafael. "This is not funny, y/n!" he raised his voice, "You told me how you couldn't stand people that cheats on their lover. You told me you believed in faithful and I believed you,"

"Oh my God, Sonny." It was your turn to raise your voice, "I did not cheat on you as far as I know,"

"Kind of," his mouth spoke too fast.

Sonny has never been able to keep his mouth shut, which put him in embarrassing or dangerous situation, multiple times. And a-little-drunk Sonny was worst. He realized what he said but it was too late, you heard it. You sarcastically laughed at what he said. He seems so serious. Why was he feeling like this?

"I didn't know we were dating," you said, "Were we having a menage a trois with Jeff?" Sonny stayed silent. He had no idea how to explain this. One thing was sure, you did not deny having sex with Barba. He felt sick. Literally. Everything happened really fast; you saw your partner bring his hand to his mouth and disappeared in one second. You followed him to the bathroom where you heard him throwing up in the toilets. But he took the time to lock the door. You softly knocked and asked him to let you in. After a long moment, the door finally opened. Sonny was barely standing on his long legs, and he looked miserable, "do you have a extra toothbrush?" He whispered, his head against the door frame. You got in, took a new toothbrush and put some toothpaste in it. Sonny was nearly falling asleep brushing his teeth.

"How many drinks did you have, Sonny?"

"I stopped counting after you left with Barba, but I had three before that," you shook your head. Sonny drinks a little but since you know him, you never saw drunk until tonight.

"Jeff must have left some clothes, wash your mouth and come get change,"

Of course, you helped him undressed. His chest was more muscular than it seemed to under his suits. His skin felt so soft under your fingers, but his smell wasn't the same. His cologne was probably mixed with his girlfriend's. The poor thing was exhausted, he was sitting on the edge of the bed, as you tried to dress him with an old tee shirt, but his face hit your chest and you heard him heavily breathing. You gave up on dressing him, you simply lay him under the covers in just his boxers.

How were you supposed to fall asleep with the man you love almost naked in your bed?

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aleatoryalarmalligator · 7 years ago

Text

Life Story Part 100!

I just kept scrapping along. I had my new job, and my ear infection was starting to heal after weeks of self remedying with vinegar. I felt sick at the end of the night, in that weird off putting lighting they kept in the dish pit. I could hear the conversations of the hostesses up front – generally gossiping about one another in a negative fashion, or else talking about their boyfriends or their make up routine. And in the back I could hear the kitchen staff talking about going home – generally to their lonely apartments they were staying at if they were single, and their houses if they were married, like Levi. But all of them wanted to drink and play video games. In fact, I thought it was strange how resigned everyone was, like this was the best life would ever be for any of them.

I found it sort of twisted in funny in a sense. Granted, some of these guys had had brutal upbringings I would come to find, emancipation, homelessness, drunken abusive dad's who made my dad look like a father from a fifties sitcom - but I had in all earnest worked so hard to come to a place where I was washing dishes in a full serve restaurant – something seemingly so humble, but something I felt grateful to have everyday, and furthermore, I often saw this as a breeding ground for my personal development and just the beginning of moving up in the world. This was not a dead end for me. I had to reteach myself (though some might argue I never properly understood), the art of communicating with strangers. I had lost fifty pounds. I was somehow still standing after my romantic and personal life had been devastated, my sanity was in question, my dog died, and it was starting to feel like friends and family didn't want me anymore. But even as I would sometimes get very distressed and down, I also could feel this sensation within me that I was strong and I was still standing even if no one understood that but me, and I was going to do big things with my life and live a full exciting life where I didn't deny myself anything.

And these kitchen men, most of them just a few years older then me, they were bored, drunk and empty. They were a generation of seemingly lost individuals. The more I looked around, at the guys in my age bracket in particular there was this hazy lost avoidant aspect to them all. They might avoid themselves and the world by nerding out on games or television, or they might drink excessively – or both, but they all seemed rather directionless, and when you stripped them from the futility of their ego and frustrations, they all seemed very lost and miserable and by the end of the night as we were all closing our shifts, in the undercurrent of laughter and jokes you could feel the sadness radiating and bouncing around the building. They all thought they needed to be dating a supermodel, but didn't need to put in the effort personally (nor did they think about the limited supply of super models). So instead of having girlfriends, most of them were alone, and when they did hook up with someone and it became a thing sort of, it was like they were afraid to be open and actually care about their girlfriend, and so they instead talked trash about them with their workmates. Some of them had kids they wouldn't bother to go and see, and wouldn't pay child support on behalf of until the state forced them. And they would whine about it – like some evil woman had forced them into servitude against their will. Some of these guys were in their fifties and still had notions that some teenage girl was going to ask them out on a date. And regardless of how crummy each of them were, I got the feeling that most of them were loyal to one another in a way they wouldn't be towards women, regardless of how nice they seemed.

It made me feel disappointed about men in general. They were all very nice to me. Sarah alerted me one morning that they were hitting on me. I honestly could not tell. I was so used to being teased from school, and my ego just sucked in any attention mindlessly – and I would smile and be friendly in return – not certain if I was being picked on, being innocently amiably conversed with or something else, it didn't cross my mind that there was any motive behind any of the guys' intent when they joked around with me. I guess I was the only girl back there so there was a primitive drive among them to be my favorite – at least with some of the more desperate fools. I was like the girl Smurf – the only viable and available girl in their general proximity. But clearly, I only liked Levi and only in this very defined outlying way, and since he wasn't an option I wasn't particularly interested in anyone. I felt this need to fall in love again. I think psychologically it needed to happen. I had to cover up the stained carpet of my previous and pathetic attempt of being in love with Zack to be covered up by some kind of new rug to hide my blemished ego – a new person. And honestly, there was no one. So I would go around and feel this strange sensation of falling in love at times, being giddy and sort of euphoric, but it was probably the upside of my mood swings and it was probably because I needed to get whisked away into something new as soon as possible.

I hated to admit it to myself too, but I couldn't really see myself with Levi, even in the alternative universe where he was single and liked me. I already knew that was not a thing. I was complex, and for me, part of love was painting an interesting tapestry of dialogue. Levi didn't do that kind of chit chat. There was something special about Levi, and I think he sensed stuff about his surroundings, but he wasn't very interested in being philosophical or playing mind games as a means of fun, and I knew myself well enough to know that I would challenge him and he wouldn't like it. I would want to change him and it would ruin the good things about him – if it even got that far. He was meant to have a family and a home with someone like Dani. He was meant to be a provider and a caregiver to either a traditional family unit, or else he was made to lead a group of hooligan men and bring out the best of the group towards victory. My path did not converge with his. I would look myself in the mirror, and I was not a homemaker. If anything, people might call me a possible homewrecker given my smitten feelings. I was meant to be alone in a way that a lot of people find difficult. I needed someone who understood me and my complexity and my playfulness enough to take care of me, but also was an equal I could bounce ideas off of and be taken seriously when I needed a colleague. So every time I found myself admiring him, I also felt incredibly silly. It was ill suited, like a flamingo falling for a rabbit or a bear or something.

Allison meanwhile was spending a lot more time with Whitney and Josh. While I was at work she would now go out and visit Josh and Whitney at their parents' house. Allison would tell me about the drama – one part of the evening they would talk about Whitney's setbacks, and then turn on Josh, and then everyone would just dance and it was more or less this silly weird night where all manner of catharsis was reached with tears, and laughter and thought provoking ideas. Generally speaking, I found myself somewhat jealous that I was closing the dish pit while most of these fun nights took place. I was always invited, but my work schedule wasn't working well with their days off so I would just have to feel jealous for a little bit longer.

I rarely went out with Sarah and Zack anymore. Sarah seemed to think I still had feelings for Zack, and to her credit I might have pretended I did. I don't know why. They were too boring. I thought their relationship was depressing. The best it ever got with them was being on the brink of falling asleep. It seemed strange to me that the best part of the relationship was when the two closed their eyes and stopped really connecting to each other. But of course I could have seen this coming had I not painted Zack into some demigod that I had once believed him to be. I do remember one very absurd even though that I still feel extremely uneasy about. Sarah, Zack and I were driving to the store, probably to pick up a few groceries. It was a short trip that I chose to accompany them in. Maybe I was getting picked up from work – who knows. I was looking into the sky, it was later on in the evening when everything takes on an orange glow but it's not dark yet, and the clouds above us began to cluster together in this very distinct way. It was like they were moving together, and before I could even believe my eyes, the clouds had written the word LOVE in the sky. I pointed it out to Sarah as fast as I could so that I didn't feel entirely crazy, and she saw it too. So did Zack, who of course decided it was God's will.

It didn't stay that way very long, but for a moment it was so unmistakably clear and baffling. It hadn't been written by an airplane or anything either. The clouds had temporarily formed the words. I suppose in the history of cloud formations on our planet, words have been spelled – but how often, and how often does it show up that clearly? I won't even venture into the territory of their having been an author. I really don't have words to say about the reason why I saw this happen, only that I did. It didn't last much longer. As we continued driving I turned my back and watched with dismay as the words melted away. I can't say I got much from the statement itself. It gave me this really warm feeling, but the concept of love was relative and I wasn't about to drop my guard and take it as some meaning that I was to lay my life out for Zack and Sarah – like Zack would have me believe. Love is the best thing in the world, and I do live for it, but love comes from, and manifests itself in so many different ways for different people, places, ideas, times and activities. Maybe I was meant to love myself? Or maybe if lets venture into the territory of saying that it was created by the universe with intent, perhaps there was some other happy couple who had seen it, and us three fools in the car had just lucked out and had been at the right place at the right time. It's hard saying.

Eventually I did end up going to some of these parties with Josh and Whitney. I remember showing up before Josh and Whitney did, and meeting Josh's mother Theresa, for the first time – at least one on one. When Theresa was sober, she was very quiet, and was looking relatively young considering the life of drinking and sadness she had undergone. It was just Sarah, Allison and I at the table and at first we politely chatted. Theresa began drinking beer, and soon she was weeping and telling us her life story and about how Josh was her little baby. She began crying on me, and begging me to date her son. She was desperate for him to have grandchildren for her. She said I was beautiful, and only I could make Josh happy. Then she seemed to forget she had said that to me, and she went to Allison (who was mind you, fifteen), and begging her to date Josh, who was going on thirty. Then she went to Sarah. Theresa was a desperate sort. There was no easy way to explain her level of ridiculousness. Because then she started talking about how she was watching the history channel and the show was on alien abductions and she believes aliens abducted her because she was watching the show later that night. Then she put on The Church's 'Under the Milky Way' and slow dancing and crying about mysterious sensitivities she felt within herself. Of course, it goes without saying that absolutely nobody took Theresa seriously. She didn't seem to notice, but if she did she only saw it as a dramatic element to cry about for a moment before moving onto the next thing.

Sarah and I had done some talking. Things had changed for us so much, and at least for myself in particular, I really wanted to get to know people. I didn't like just having casual back and forth with people. I felt like, between Sarah and I we could sort of interview the people we met in life, people at work, people at the party, and we could ask revealing questions and get people to tell us their life story. We called our project, Project Life Story. It didn't end up going to far, but we ended up asking Josh his life story one night as our first person. I don't know where we were going with this exactly. It seemed meaningful and fun, and that was something Sarah and I have going on very much anymore.

Josh seemed a little bit nervous that night. We were sitting around the table talking at the parent's house. Whitney was there but I believe she got bored and sat in her old bedroom. Josh was drinking a beer. It was strange because he could at time be super vulnerable and absurdly outgoing – but then at times he could come off as stuffy, eccentric and socially anxious. He seemed withdrawn and anxious, but he agreed to tell us his life story just the same after drinking a few beers.

Josh had been raised in Kendrick, same as me, only he was about eight or nine years older than me. He had gone to the same school that Sarah and I went to – knew most of the people my sisters hung around to some extent. He was born two months premature., was the eldest of four, and he was the only boy out of four siblings. When Josh was young, his family had owned a lot of farmland, and he had grown up believing for much of it that his destiny was out on a farm as a farmer. He had spent a lot of time alone in the fields in the rural parts of the hills growing up alone, contemplating life and reading more than most kids his age. I think on one hand he liked the secluded life out in the fields. On the other hand he wanted to have a different life that involved traveling the world. He had a friend for awhile who also lived in the hills, but his best friend had drown in an accident when he was seven, and other than that, Josh didn't have a lot of close friends – even as he was generally liked by most of his classmates and teachers.

Josh's mom and his father drank a lot and in the early part of Josh's life, they did a lot of drugs around him. Josh grew up listening to classic country music. His father was a serious, and violent, abusive man with drug issues. He also had this strange way of never working. What his father had figured out how to do, was to continuously trade smaller cheaper objects for more expensive objects. Everywhere Josh's father went, he asked people if they would barter their stuff to him – and this sort of kept him afloat. His uncles were very backwoods. When he misbehaved he would be tied upside down from a tree and shocked with a cattle prod until his father and uncles were satisfied that Josh had been thoroughly punished.

This struck me as cruel and sadistic, and it hurt to even think about such a small boy being abused, and when I told Josh this he shrugged it off nonchalant and humorously, claiming he could be hard to deal with when he was young and it made him tough. He remembered these things without much personal pain by memory association, and I thought that was strange, and sort of intriguing about him. He didn't react to his own abuse the way people typically do. He joked about it. He saw it from painful perspectives. He toyed with the concepts involved with the crimes committed.

Josh jumped out of a moving vehicle when he was four years old – because he was curious and prone to taking dangerous risks with his own life. He had to relearn how to communicate which took about a year. Eventually he picked it back up again and nobody could tell that there had ever been a problem. There is speculation of course, that the head injury might have effected him in some fashion that was permanent, but as to what that was it's hard to say.

His father was particular for meth, and it wouldn't be uncommon for Josh to wake up in the dead of night to his father picking him up by the neck from dead sleep and being thrown in the bathroom with bleach demanding he bleach everything perfectly. As Josh told us this, I imagined a little Josh on his hands and knees scrubbing the floors while his sadistic father screamed at him. My father wasn't/hasn't been perfect to me, but I couldn't really imagine what that must have been like. To a boy no older than seven or eight. Mind you, Josh didn't tell me this part of the story, his mother did.

Not only this, but every pet Josh managed to get – namely cats but some dogs as well, every summer when Josh was sent to do work in his uncle's and grandfather's farm, Josh's father would take his rifle out and kill Josh's pets. It almost seemed like he was targeted by his father really. Like his family was trying to mold him into something. Still, Josh found ways to amuse himself. At a young age he took serious interest in karate. He read a lot of books regarding fighting technique and eastern philosophy at a very young age. By second or third grade he had taught himself to use DOS computer program. His teachers considered him a genius and when he was tested in high school, he had the IQ of 143. Him and his grandfather were very close while his grandfather was alive – so he enjoyed hanging out with him. All in all, I thought Josh sounded like a hyperactive, but thoughtful boy. And while a lot of Josh's early life was tarnished with abuse, Josh wasn't really defined by the abuse he went through – or at least he tried very hard not to let himself be (he rarely told anyone the stuff he told us that night), and I thought it was fascinating.

It was as though he developed some quality that had forced him to catapult over misery itself. Obviously, he hadn't truly escaped his childhood. To a degree nobody does. But all in all, to most people who had abused him, he became an empty husk that they beat on and the joke was on them – mentally Josh floated away into greatness that went unrealized to most people. There was something beautiful about that to me. And in that catapult over the moon he was made more aware of how hazy reality actually was – something I had become privy to in the recent years. Which, has always made me kind of wonder about some things related to childhood trauma and what we become aware of and sensitive to as adults. Clearly some trauma makes development in children shut down or become stunted. There can be no arguing this. But can certain kinds of trauma and anxiety actually open us up in some strange way? Because with Josh, and with myself I saw that to be kind of accurate. We had been sitting at the table for twenty minutes by this time, listening to Josh and asking the occasional question. I felt this really meaningful kinship with Josh. I didn't know what it meant, or how to

When Josh was nine, he was molested by one of his father's friends at gunpoint. Josh eventually admitted this to his parents. His father didn't believe Josh, and punished him for trying to get his buddy in trouble for no reason. His father saw it as Josh's attempt to ruin his marriage with Josh's mom. Josh maintained it was true, and eventually this lead to the final straw between his mother and father's relationship, as Josh's mother did believe Josh's story, though they managed to stay together for a few more years it seemed until it really hit home.

Josh was always a straight A student. Teachers loved him. In junior high he started the wrestling team, the chess team and the debate team. He was very ambitious and had a way of hanging out with a lot of different people, the jocks, the drama kids. He ended up having this weird situation happen which involved him falling in love with a girl who had babysat him growing up. I didn't understand this story the first time Josh' told me, so I asked him to explain it to me a second time, but he was drinking that day and the details were confusing. Essentially, this girl was a few years older than Josh and one of his creepy cousins/relative of some sort took this girl in as their girlfriend when she was a teenager, got her addicted to drugs, and then she ended up dying in a car accident due to this creepy relative. Josh was twelve at the time.

The second girl Josh ever was taken in by was none other than my eldest sister Maria. Maria is two years older than Josh, but the fact that she wouldn't do any of her schoolwork at all, the fact that she would tear up her papers in every class and smoke and sleep with whomever made her intriguing to Josh. So for about a year, he would follow her around. Maria laughed at him and never took him seriously. He was two years younger than her for one, small and geeky. He would tirelessly write her love letters and put them in her locker. He bought her stuff. He offered to go with her places. She went camping with him once, but nothing ever came of it. Eventually she quit school and he moved on. To me, it's strange and funny to think that this was all happening while I was five years old – clueless that any of this would ever be told to me in my early twenties. The fact that we were sitting at the table in this dimly lit house far away from that version of Kendrick we both grew up in, talking about these stories – something felt really odd about Josh in relation to me.

Josh ended up dating a girl named Tara from Roxanne's class, which was two classes lower than his. I knew her t be very preppy. She was also my first grade teacher's daughter. They connected because they were the only two atheists in the school and Josh staged a debate about the existence of god in her class. Josh had grown up being raised as a god fearing republican cowboy, but he had begun to question that pretty early on. He also had secretly been teaching himself to play guitar. His family would have flogged him had they known, but he had hid a very cheap guitar that someone at school had sold to him in an unused barn on his grandfather's property miles away from home. So when he wanted to practice, he walked out there and played secretly in the barn. Nobody ever taught him to tune the guitar, or what heat or cold could do to a guitar, or even how to play chords. So mostly he just tinkered around with it in secret for hours he could escape unnoticed and didn't really learn to play much until he was much older. Still, there was something very beautiful about the idea of that.

Josh's father became sort of sadistically certain that him and Josh were to be at odds. He felt there could only be one 'man' in the house so he made Josh sleep out in a camper. And then when Josh's dad and mom were fighting, Josh's dad ended up hitting Theresa, and Josh attacked his father, which ended up in Josh's dad leaving for good. I didn't get the details, I just know that it's what happened.

Around this time, Josh's uncle came up with this new idea about farming and rotating crops (something that is now used in certain situations, but I know nothing about since I don't really get into farming technique), and in order to make his idea work, he had to borrow money against the land itself with the bank. And that year ended up being one where there was too much rain or heat, I can't remember which, but Josh's uncle's idea didn't pan out and they ended up losing the land. So Josh wasn't going to be a farmer after all. They moved down to Kendrick for a time. Josh and Tara stayed together for two years in high school, and Josh had just graduated. His plans with Tara were for them to both become very educated. She wanted to teach English overseas, and Josh wanted to become a professor of psychology – and they were going to travel the world and lead an exciting life.

At this point in the story, Theresa drunkenly had joined the table to listen. She started chiming in that Tara's family had always looked down on Josh, that he had never been given a fair go. She started screaming and crying about it, as though Tara's family had broken Josh in some permanent way. In any case, Josh shrugged and argued that Tara's family had been very fair to him, and Tara had every reason to leave him when she did.

So Josh was nineteen and he started college. He had waited for Tara so they could both go to college together and pursue their dreams. But it didn't work out. Josh started at the University of Idaho, and while he was there, he didn't feel smart anymore. He felt average at best, and socially anxious. Even as a lower end genius as he was, he felt outclassed and outshined by a lot of the students. He expected a lot from himself – probably that he would be one of the greatest students there. And something in him was starting to break. The things in life that had kept him sane were starting to disappear from him. So he quit college, and then tried again another semester but the psychological issues were only getting worse. This time, in his Psyche 101 class, he wrote his professor a personal letter in with his assignment and asked for advice. I don't know the details of what his professor told him, but it was very insightful to Josh. But it didn't stop Josh's breakdown.

Meanwhile, Tara was doing very well in school. And Josh felt like he was lagging behind and wouldn't be able to meet the goals that they had agreed to in creating a life together. I guess it comes down to a certain sense of yourself in the world. When you are stripped of a self esteem at an early age, left to your own devices you fall apart. Rebuilding something that resembles what a normal person with an okay upbringing has takes years. Tara came from a good home. She was confident and certain about what she wanted in life. Josh was not confident, and was become increasingly more and more uncertain about everything.

After trying for a third time to make college work, Josh randomly left Tara, and didn't contact her for four months. He freely admitted it was a cruel and shitty move on his part. He went back to Kendrick. He found people he had loosely known in Kendrick who did drugs,and he started to do meth with them. Whenever Tara tried to find him, he ducked out. Eventually he came back to her and they tried to make it work. He suddenly became obsessed with trying to get back on track and get back to her. He walked twenty miles in a snow storm to knock on her door to give her a love letter. There was an element of intensity to Josh, and I imagine it was hard for her to turn him away after he had done something that reckless on her behalf. He attempted to go to university one more time. But things weren't the same. He was high all the time, and a bunch of different women who he knew from partying all had interest in him. At a drunken party, Tara dumped him, and he hooked up with this other girl at the same party. Later on, Tara begged his forgiveness, and he got back together with her. He woke up the next morning and he had peed himself and it had gotten all over her. He decided to leave her for good this time. It had gotten too gross and too messed up at that point.

He decided the next week in one fleeting moment to go back to Tara. He explained he was sitting in the grass, looking at world, and suddenly he had this strange sense that everything had altered. His personality had altered. Something wasn't right – and he had to get back to Tara, as she was probably the only stabilizing force in his life. Josh explained it as a paradigm shift. He explained this in much greater detail than I am now. It took him about four or five hours of talking to tell us his story mind you – and what I convey is a very condensed version. I also fail to bring in his wit or sense of humor – something my writing skill isn't all that equipped to do. Josh is devilishly sarcastic. Even people who don't like him have difficulties not being entertained by him. But what really struck me as odd was just how much of what Josh talked about that felt like he was explaining the symptoms of my own life to me. Granted, Josh and I were very different in many ways – I probably wouldn't have started the chess club or started using meth per say. But certain things had started to link up – certain facets, micro elements to his story that felt weirdly like he was reading my mind. That crazy stuff I had been feeling that winter? He knew what that was like. And all the strange connections we had to things and places and ideas. I wondered distantly if I had always been on his trail, and hadn't known it. That maybe in some strange way, I was years behind him but had never been quite as alone as I had thought in my experiences.

So Josh, in this frantic realization ran back to where he and Tara had been staying. He came into the house, and she was with someone else. She had been cheating on Josh with this other guy. Josh ran away from the house and it was officially over between them. Tara went on to marry the guy she had been cheating on Josh with, and together they did end up traveling the world and teaching underprivileged children English and being this major power couple that Josh had failed to live up to.

Josh meanwhile dropped out of college for the final time. He went back to using meth. His personality changed. And he spent years living this way. He lived with his mother when he could, but they didn't get along well. Theresa slept with a lot of Josh's friends during this time, and it became a gross hangout because Theresa was so easy to sleep with. And she was miserable. She talked about killing herself all the time. This was what Melissa in my class was most likely having to deal with all the time. Josh was homeless much of the time. Melissa – who is Josh's youngest sister, idolized him. His other two sisters got married and went on to lead very normal lives, but Melissa and Josh were somewhat alike in personality.

Josh had some extremely odd and disturbing experiences during this time. There is rumors in Kendrick, or at least there were about twenty years ago, that some racist Nazi guy who had killed some black people in a church in Texas during the sixties or seventies and had gotten away was living in the woods around Kendrick, that he had family who had let him survive on their land, and the government suspected he was there but didn't care to catch him for whatever reason. Well, Josh lived in a cabin that was on this same land with one of his drug buddies who was related to the family. They would just stay there and play video games for hours on end. They saw signs that this creepy racist guy was living out there, but they never looked into it.

One night, Josh and his friend were in the cabin, when they heard gunshots. They were high and paranoid, but they decided to go investigate. They listened and they heard and saw what looked like a guy named Cody who went to school with Josh and my sister Maria driving away. And then a few days later it came to light that a boy they went to school with had disappeared. He had been extremely stupid. Josh and his buddy never told anyone what they had seen, and Cody moved to California for a few years before returning. Here is what happened. Cody had been attempting to be a drug pusher for some big guys from Spokane. He had given this dumb kid ten thousand dollars worth of drugs to sell, and this dumb kid had decided to take all the drugs himself. Cody risked being injured or killed if he didn't take action, so he killed this poor fool instead, and then fled to California. A lot of people in Kendrick knew what had happened – word did get out. But there was no direct evidence and a body was never found. Josh and his pal did hunt for the body out in those woods. They could smell it, but they could never find it.

I think it was weird that Josh didn't turn it in. I guess there is a good chance the cops would have botched it anyway. As it was, nobody seemed to care this teenage boy went missing. His family didn't care. The town didn't care. It reminded me of the movie 'River's Edge' sort of, only there wasn't a body. I asked Roxanne about this guy's disappearance years later. She was even friends with this person, but as soon as he went missing and nobody immediately found him, there wasn't any more talk about him. It's like he never existed. And it freaks me out, not only the reminder of how fragile our existences are, but how narrow minded humans can be. There is a strange cruelty to it. And I guess it happened around the same time that Chuck Palahniuk's dad got murdered in the same area, in an entirely unrelated set of circumstances, and what my bus driver in elementary school got in trouble for. There was a lot of murder in the 90's in Kendrick, and people forgot about most of it rather quickly – which, you would think they would be remembering this stuff for years considering how boring it is in Kendrick Idaho but no, they bury the real stuff – it becomes whispered legend and perhaps a few people retain a memory about it, but most people pretend it never happened.

Josh from there ended up moving in with this chemist in a small town called Troy that is in between Kendrick and Moscow. Josh and this other friend of his lied and claimed they knew more about science than they did – though Josh did know enough from his own curious endeavors and reading to trick this guy. The guy let them both live there for free in exchange for them helping him set up a laboratory, which never ended up happening. Josh and his friend did meth all day of course, and this guy more or less just wanted company I think. But after awhile, this man ended up being very creepy. He started revealing more and more to Josh and his friend about his interests. Eventually, it became apparent what this guy was into. On the black market, there are women in impoverished and hopeless situations, younger women generally – and men I assume as well, who end up being either diagnosed with a terminal illness, or their circumstances are so dire and hopeless they don't care if they live or die. And they sell themselves to be tortured to death for snuff films which rich and disturbed individuals buy on the black market, and sometimes they sell up their flesh to be eaten, or their bodies to be used as decorative art photographs. In any case, this guy was into that. He was into the photography, but he spent a wild amount of money to have these nudes taken of dead women who had terminal illnesses and had given their lives up for a little money to give to their family after their death.

Josh suspected this guy was into buying human flesh from these same women as well. He was particular about these steaks that he insisted Josh and his buddy try. They ate with him a few times, not realizing the implications or knowing anything. But eventually they caught on. There were certain key things that were said in conversation that made it all seem real. This guy was sexually gratified by buying nude pictures of these women and then eating parts of them. So Josh and his friend left one night without explanation. I asked Josh why he didn't turn this guy in or say something to authorities. Josh shrugged. He was high. He was definitely bothered, but it was hard to truly care about anything but the next fix. Plus, small town cops wouldn't have believed him.

Josh ended up living in a tent behind his mother's house. And this is where he met Whitney and Zack, through Melissa. And from there, after Whitney pursued him for a year and a half, he finally caved in and started dating her. And Zack was dating Melissa (and of course secretly messing some former preteen version of me's life up by telling her he loved her over one hundred times a day). Whitney cheated on Josh over thirty times in the course of their relationship, and had thirty proper boyfriends in between dating Josh. It was at times ambiguous if they were dating or not, and everyone around them questioned what 'stage' they were in. I think it was even more strange when their mom and dad decided to start dating and marry while their children were together. The whole family was really very strange. In a way, I had to say that they had a strangeness that made certain traits of my own family seem normal. And on top of this, it seemed reckless that Josh would put himself through dating Whitney through all this. Josh was obsessed with Whitney, it was an obsession I was sort of curious about.

As I was told, when Whitney and him had started dating, he had been sleeping in his own bedroom and had been awoken with Whitney, hysterically crying in his doorway. It was alarming. She looked at him, and she said 'JOSH! I AM SICK IN THE HEAD! I WILLDO FUCKED UP HORRIBLE THINGS TO YOU! I WILL DESTROY YOU. BUT YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME EVEN WHEN I DO THESE THINGS!! YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF ME NO MATTER WHAT JOSHUA!! YOU HAVE TO PROMISE YOU WILL BE WITH ME FOREVER!' and Josh agreed to it. I guess it was alarming. Maybe Josh didn't see anything else in his life worth living for. In any case, he did everything in his power to maybe believe that there was a version of Whitney under the layers who was self aware and appreciated his resolution to stay by her side through thick and thin. For Josh I think it was like Eternal Sunshine For the Spotless Mind. But their relationship crippled the both of them – made them both manipulative. It made them dependent on strange and disturbing things that the other person possessed. Neither Josh nor Whitney had normal requirements in a relationship.

I heard more about the details of Josh and Whitney's relationship later on, but that was where the story mostly ended that night. Josh had gotten clean after three more years of on and off meth use. He eventually had nowhere to go – and couldn't hold a job for very long – but had quite a few over the course of a few years. He lost his mind after Whitney cheated on him yet again. He attempted to commit suicide, and was put into a mental institution for a month. All I was told at the time was that he was diagnosed with Bipolar 2. When he was released he hitchhiked to Lewiston. He was staying with Randy and his mom temporarily, trying to get his life on track – who had just gotten married, and he was watching this cable guy climb the poles and work outside. He went out and talked to this cable guy about the job. As it turned out, a cable man had just died in an accident, and there was an opening. Josh would have to pass a bunch of tests and classes, but he stood a good chance of getting the job. It was the kind of thing he could do very well at. So he set himself down and applied himself in a few weeks time and he got the job. He was a cableman. It gave him money, and the incentive to get an apartment, and clean up. He quit using drugs – only drinking on weekends, a family habit – and maybe smoking weed a few times a year if he felt he could get away with it. And all his old friends stopped hanging out with him.

And his relationship with Whitney hadn't been working anymore as it had. There had once been an unhealthy symbiosis in their unhealthy relationship. They splitting up and coming together didn't excite either one of them anymore. Josh was beginning to get to a point where he wanted something more real, and Whitney didn't feel like she possessed Josh like she had. She didn't want to be his girlfriend anymore, but they were both trying to convince themselves they were still playing this game with one another when it was clear that neither one of them even cared anymore. They had broken their own innocence and each other for cheap thrills and now what was left was what Sarah, Allison and I had all stumbled into. All because Zack had fulfilled 'the prophesy' of returning to my old home.

We had to get back. It was late by the time Josh finished his life story. On the way home, my heart hurt like it never had before. I felt understood in a way I hadn't realized I could be understood. I wanted to tell Josh at times that what he was saying linked up with my life in certain ways, but it would have seemed crazy to say anything. I felt like I understood Josh. I wouldn't go so far as to say I felt comfortable calling him a friend just yet, but I had honestly never been so drawn in and felt so personally close to someone so intimately and so immediately before. It's like, there is a loneliness you get when you are very young, five or six. It comes from the realization of mortality and the ending of everything. I think a lot of children get it. You feel your aloneness in your own perceptions, in an indifferent universe. And suddenly, I felt this knowing sense that in some form I had not been quite so alone. I was sitting in the back seat as we drove back to Lewiston that night, and I started crying. And I didn't why.

PART 99 - https://tinyurl.com/y8afyex7

PART 98 - https://tinyurl.com/y7pjvn95

PART 97 - https://tinyurl.com/ybvlfusf

PART 96 - https://tinyurl.com/y8cm6pdy

PART 95 - https://tinyurl.com/ybxq2o5j

PART 94 - https://tinyurl.com/y8k7mwq4

PART 93 - https://tinyurl.com/yc8mae7e

PART 92 - https://tinyurl.com/yb7bwsuw

PART 91 - https://tinyurl.com/yar8e8rp

My Life Story in Chapters, PARTS 1-90 (this link below will lead you to a list of all the chapters i have written thus far).

http://aleatoryalarmalligator.tumblr.com/post/168782771574/life-story-sections-1-90

#text #life story #writing #long text

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intheliteraturesense · 8 years ago

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Shh...Let People Enjoy Things

When I was about…I honestly don’t know whatever a reasonable age to still be playing with Barbie dolls is (great memory you got there Shan lol), the ‘must have’ toy at the time was a convertible Bratz car.

For those unfamiliar with Bratz they were essentially Barbie’s big headed more fashion forward and trendy sisters, and the car….man the car was cool as shit! Not only could your dolls obviously fit inside said car, but it also had working flashing lights, a working horn and a radio built in, (I’m seriously not trying to sell you a Bratz convertible, I swear…) in short the thing was freaking amazing to a young mind. I, like every girl my age at the time desperately wanted one of these convertibles from Santa, but the reality was as it often is was that the car that Christmas was sold out everywhere! Every kid had been begging their parents for weeks and of course, parents in a panic most definitely ran to the store to pick up the must have item as quick as possible. This is not a new phenomenon, much as some people will have to believe by going on and on about the new must have item, it’s merely a repeated pattern in consumerism. I guess that fact is the point of this whole post to be honest, it’s the fact that we were all kids once and we all at one point or another wanted the must have item. Hell…I’m going to be honest here and say that you don’t even have to be a kid to want the newest must have item, I myself have been guilty of this and even my own mother bought a toy supposedly for my brother, but really her and her brother wanted to check out this Mr Frosty themselves. (Side note: They were highly disappointed as were most people during this time lol). We like to think of ourselves as bigger and better people, who don’t conform to these ideas or desires to have the newest gadget or toy but the reality is that sometimes it’s just in our nature. We’re excited by new innovative creations, even if they are as simple as a bloody convertible car for dolls that happens to also have radio. We’re people of simple pleasures, even if these things seem simple in design or useless in function we still find them amusing when they become mass produced and in our faces. I get a little frustrated when people complain on and on about the latest must have to be honest, because it’s rarely an argument on consumerism which would be understandable and relevant. It's usually more a case of “I don’t like this thing personally or find use for it, so I’m going to complain about how people are idiots for using it” which if I’m going to be brutally honest, makes you sound like a bitter old person because it’s just damn right stupid. Before you send me hateful comments, think about it for a second!

You probably love a book, movie, or type of music that if you’re like me a lot of people cannot stomach, right? (I’ll continue my quest to make people love the angsty sad music I love if it kills me) Eventually you move past that stage of insisting to people that the thing you like is somehow superior to the thing that they like and you accept the fact that neither is superior or inferior but that “different strokes for different folks” meaning you both love different things and that that’s okay. In previous eras a lot of people including some of the famous critiques I actually look up to such as Theodor Adorno, would often argue that particular genres of things, literature or music for example would be more intellectually stimulating and therefore superior to other genres. Many people argued that these superior genres were highly beneficial to humanity as stimulated thought and action etc., rather than forcing people to mindlessly consume the product. In my opinion these guys may have had some very accurate points (which Adorno has many) but it’s important to remember there is also a high amount of cynicism in these arguments. People get so mad about things simply because they themselves don’t enjoy them or for a variety of personal reasons take offence to them, these things in modern times can be artists such as Ed Sheeran (whom has become sort of the Nickelback of 2017), or the fads of today such as the Pokémon Go craze or the more recent Fidget Spinners. Last Summer Pokémon Go hit the app store and we all went nuts, the mobile phone application was brought about under the idea of getting kids out and about rather than playing video games at home. Yes, we all remember our parents complaining about how we never leave the house and sit glued to a screen, so finally a new game set out to fix that problem which sounded awesome! However, I wonder did it change this argument from parents and did parents breathe a sigh of relief when it was announced people would actually have to leave their homes to play a game? Of course, it changed nothing and like most things it became just another thing to complain about. Granted there were/are many reported accidents, injuries etc. caused by this craze, which is a vital part of many arguments but these accidents were highly avoidable so if anything it proves once again that some people just do silly things and become the reason we have warning labels on everything. (We still have to remind people not to text and drive? Like seriously?! Lol). I fully take on the reality that yes, this craze had downsides, but damn can we stop being so damn serious for a minute.

I’m genuinely quite a sociable person, yet I find it hard to meet people as I rarely have the money to go out to clubs or bars etc. so for people like me or people who maybe suffer social anxiety more severe than myself, Pokémon Go became a tool to engage with people. Not only did it stop me staying inside reading or on my computer for all of the Summer which is highly likely to have happened without it, but it also provided an easy conversation starter. As so many people were playing this new must have, those people could talk to each other because of this commonality that they may not have had before. A lot of people, adults, young adults, kids etc. were getting out of the house, most for hours at a time being active in order to catch Pokémon, it seems funny but it’s actually pretty damn awesome. I’ve easily walked for several hours of the day around my town, just to catch some Pokémon and I’m known for being too lazy to walk for food. So why the cynicism then? Why do we have to ruin a good thing by pointing out only the downsides? People often say things like “Oh you could be reading a really good book” or learning a new skill, instead of playing something they deem useless and unstimulating. I despise this argument because of the high levels of snobbery it emerges from, these people too often follow these statements up with something like “I just need something more interactive and thought provoking in my life” as if they spend their evenings reading by candle light and don’t know what “TV dramas” are, give me a fucking break. The point is this argument falls completely flat because it can just about be used for bloody anything if you feel the need for it, for instance you can easily argue and I’m sure many boring interesting people have that watching TV shows is in no way intellectually stimulating for us as human beings, but the reality is nearly every single person on this planet probably watches at least three shows religiously (damn my number of shows is that multiplied by 12 lol). If people get enjoyment out of something then damn, leave them to it. The world (especially right now) is a pretty freaking bleak place at times, sometimes it’s hard to be happy in this world so if you get amusement, joy or laughter from something be it a new game or a type of music etc. then that’s awesome! As human beings we should have evolved past this silly behaviour of shaming people for liking a particular thing, and actually just being happy they found something to enjoy in this world. I understand people in retail somewhat hating these fads as people desperately wanting the newest must have, sometimes can be quite awful to deal with but that has pretty much nothing to do with the must have but everything to do with those people. So to sum this blog up before I continue rambling on.

Please! Let people enjoy things. Don’t be a dick about something just because someone else enjoys it and you don’t. Don’t be a dick to people if they don’t enjoy it. Don’t be a dick to people in retail (cause damn they gotta deal with the general public who no offence is a lot dumber than we like to believe, do them a solid and be nice). In short, don’t be a dick.

*Authors Note* This post was heavily inspired by the following image by the hilarious, Adam Ellis.

Love & hugs, Shannon

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rescuesirens · 8 years ago

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NC Mermania 2017, part 3 - Social Events & Panels

From Jess (originally posted on rescuesirens.com, February 1st, 2017):

There was so much more to NC Mermania than just swimming at the Greensboro Aquatic Center! The convention's organizers also planned multiple social events, classes and workshops, and panels so attendees could have fun, make friends, and learn something, too.

Friday Night Mixer As soon as Chris and I checked in at the Sheraton and had a chance to freshen up after our cross-country flight and drive from Raleigh, we ventured downstairs to the first event of the weekend: the merfolk mixer! There, we were delighted to see people we'd only ever spoken to online, like Raina, as well as introduce ourselves to a host of friendly new faces. As vendors, we set up a table stocked with copies of "Rescue Sirens: The Search for the Atavist" and other "Rescue Sirens" goodies for sale, and we had an absolute blast meeting other attendees.

I'll write more about the mixer in my next post! For now, here's a photo, courtesy of Venessa Lewis:

The Sheraton's pool, which closed to other hotel guests at ten PM, was open to NC Mermania attendees from ten until midnight, tails allowed. Chris and I intended to go -- I hadn't been swimming in my tail in months, and I was so excited after the mixer! -- but I laid down "for just a minute" and was out like a light. Whoops!

Mers of Color Diversity Panel One of the highlights of NC Mermania, for me, was Saturday morning’s Mers of Color panel discussing diversity in the mermaid community… or, more accurately, the current lack thereof. It’s a topic that I was grateful to learn more about from the people who are directly affected. Well-known mermaids in popular culture have had a major influence on society’s idea of what a mermaid “should” look like, to the unfortunate detriment and exclusion of anyone who doesn’t fit that specific mold. The stories the four panelists told of being passed over for jobs because they didn’t have red hair or pale skin were sad and frustrating, as were anecdotes shared by people of color in the audience.

Raina took some photos during the panel:

I feel very passionately about the strength and necessity of diversity in the media we’re exposed to; I don’t think anyone, regardless of what they look like, should be told, “You can’t be a mermaid.” Especially in a world that can be, at times, negative, frightening, and uncertain, I think it’s important as people to find hope and a safe harbor in fantasy, in the stories we create and share, and it’s absolutely ridiculous that a child playing pretend in a pool or an adult working as a mermaid performer might be told that they’re the wrong skin color, hair color, gender, body shape, or anything else to be a mermaid -- these are mythical creatures, so imposing those kinds of limitations makes no sense to me. Why on earth would you restrict someone’s ability to dream?

That’s one of the reasons, when I first began developing “Rescue Sirens,” that I knew my characters would be different sizes, shapes, and races: I wanted all girls (and boys, once we introduce mermen in later books) to look at these characters and see something of themselves, to imagine that they, too, could be a Rescue Siren.

But I need help to do that. While Nim and Maris are Caucasian, like myself, Kelby is Latina, Pippa is African-American, and Echo has an Asian heritage. As a white woman writing characters of color, I want to do so responsibly and authentically. During the Mers of Color panel Q&A portion, I asked a question that’s always on my mind: how do I make sure that I’m doing this right? I added that when my husband and "Rescue Sirens" co-author, Chris Sanders, co-wrote and co-directed “Lilo & Stitch,” the crew consulted with the Hawaiian community to ensure that the film was respecting the people it portrayed.

One of the panelists, Whitney, responded that I’d actually answered my own question -- that consulting with people from the races and cultures that I’m depicting is always the right thing to do, that no one I approach is going to say, “You want to know more about me and my culture? No way; get outta here”… and if they do, she said with a smile, I probably don’t want to be basing my book on them.

Whitney reiterated that encouraging diversity and overcoming some of the obstacles that people face today begins by starting a conversation. All of the panelists agreed that they are always open to answering questions and to helping anyone who’s interested in writing or creating art that represents someone from a culture outside the artist’s own. That kind of representation is so crucial when it comes to making everyone feel seen, heard, and valued. We’re all in this together, after all.

Eric, Arielle, Whitney, and Kenn. Photo courtesy of Raina.

I want to thank Eric, Arielle, Whitney, and Kenn for taking the time to discuss race and diversity as it relates to the mermaid community, for being so open with their own life experiences, and for answering everyone’s questions with honesty and kindness. That took bravery. The Mers of Color panel was so thought-provoking and informative, and I’m really glad that the panelists, moderators Raina and Venessa, and the rest of the NC Mermania team put in the work to make it a part of the weekend’s schedule of events. For a convention revolving around fantasy, this was something very real, and very important.

Group Photo At around 3:30 PM on Saturday, everyone at the GAC found a spot on the edge of the pool for the group photo. Chris and I weren't at NC Mermania last year, but we've heard that 2016's attendees took up one side of the pool, while this year--well, see for yourself!

In the following video, Chris takes a walk around the three sides of the pool where merfolk perched for the photo, which just goes to show how many people showed up. That wasn't even everyone! Special thanks goes to Joey Kirkman Photography for the awesome overhead shots.

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(The video also includes a few photos from the Fathoms Below ball, plus a clip from the after-hours swim in the pool back at the hotel.)

This year, it was impossible to fit everyone into a ground-level shot! Attendance more than quadrupled from 2016. Holy mackerel!

Dinner and Fathoms Below Ball After a long day of swimming, what do you like to do? I like to eat. Man, there's no hunger like post-swimming hunger! Remember when you were a kid and you spent all day at the pool and you were starving when you got home? That's how I felt on Saturday after four hours in the water at the GAC. I was tired (and my feet were a mess after being in a monofin for that long), but I was really grateful that NC Mermania was providing dinner and dancing at the Fathoms Below ball.

The theme of the ball was the deep sea, so many people showed up in incredibly creative dresses and costumes evoking the bioluminescence of the creatures who call the darkest depths of the ocean "home." So much brilliance was on display! Blacklights made even the humblest outfit (like my ocean wave-themed dress) glow brightly, and lent the ball an appropriately otherworldly feel.

But first: dinner! Not only did we have an opportunity to talk to our fellow attendees during our delicious repast, but the staff had arranged for entertainment, too: Captain Jim would be providing music and doing magic tricks, while Mermaid Glimmer, AKA Fire Pixie, would put on a dazzling light show. It was mindblowing! Glimmer wrote a great blog about her experience that includes photos and videos, although you really have to see her in person to appreciate her art. So cool!

Chris and I were too busy dancing the night away to get many photos during the ball, but we took a few!

For an even better glimpse into those mysterious Fathoms Below, watch this terrific video from Mermaid Glimmer highlighting some of the crazy creative costumes spotted at the ball:

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After-Hours Swim As the ball wound down, people began heading to the hotel pool for another after-hours swim. I wore my tail (of course) and also, for the only time during the weekend, sported my gorgeous custom Merbella top.

Mermaid Kaitey of Kate Hall Photography took some great underwater shots, including this one!

Workshops, Story Time, and Kids' Swims Although I spent all my time at the GAC swimming in the dive well, there was a lot more to take advantage of, and, if I hadn't been having so much fun in the water, I would've been interested in doing it all.

There was an underwater posing class, workshops about water safety (yay!) and merwrangling (the term used to refer to the jobs done by a mermaid or merman performer's assistant), and events for kids, too. The kids' story times and swims were so popular that they sold out even after more slots were made available!

Expert Panel By the time Sunday afternoon rolled around, I was even more appreciative of the Mers of Color panelists’ participation when it came time to appear on a panel, myself. Eep! Chris has taken part in panels at comics conventions in the past, so this was nothing new to him, but this was my first time, and I was definitely a little anxious. I was surrounded by such a varied collection of professionals, and I wanted to do a good job!

The Expert Panel assembled an eclectic group of people with expertise relevant to the mermaid community: Joseph McGarry, an accountant (and author of “Operation Mermaid: The Project Kraken Incident”) who was there to answer financial questions related to running a mermaid business; Chris and myself, discussing the development, co-writing, and self-publishing of “Rescue Sirens: The Search for the Atavist”; Marla Spellenberg, a former mermaid performer at historic Weeki Wachee Springs, Florida's “City of Live Mermaids” that really popularized the practice of swimming in mermaid tails; Merman Christian, sharing his experience as a professional merman performer; Abby and Bryn Roberts, full-time tailmakers and twin owners of Finfolk Productions; Charles D. Moisant of Silver Phoenix Entertainment, a comic book writer and creative partner of the final expert rounding out the panel: Philo Barnhart, one of the animators from Disney’s animated classic “The Little Mermaid.”

Photo courtesy of Karsten Shein (Mountain Mermaid Photography).

Honestly, between the exhaustion and the nervousness (and, now, the passage of time), the whole thing is a bit of a blur, haha! Raina and Venessa took turns moderating questions from the audience, and I remember discussing what goes into character development and whether anyone has challenged the lore that I wrote for “Rescue Sirens” because it’s so different from “traditional” mermaid mythology (the answer, at least so far, is blessedly “no”!). Chris and I also talked a little bit about the process of collaborative writing as well as what’s in store for the future of “Rescue Sirens.”

I was really proud to be a part of the Expert Panel, and very pleased with the set-up. Even though I didn’t ask any questions of my own, I learned a great deal from the questions posed by the audience. I wish the panel had been twice as long -- I wanted to hear more stories from my fellow panelists! Given my fondness for the attractions of “Old Florida,” I was especially intrigued by Marla’s time as a mermaid for Weeki Wachee. Each and every panelist had something unique and valuable to offer, and my hat is off to the staff for assembling such a swell line-up.

Closing Ceremonies NC Mermania wrapped up with closing ceremonies that paid tribute to staff, guests, and attendees who helped make the event the smashing success it turned out to be. Chris and I were so honored to receive certificates of appreciation and a beautiful custom mermaid scale necklace for our part as special guests and panelists -- the pleasure was all ours, and we'd do it again in a heartbeat! We're so grateful to Raina, Sean, Venessa, Dan, and everyone else on the staff of volunteers who was so kind, hardworking, and dedicated to creating a magical weekend that none of us would forget.

On that note, my fourth and final blog entry in this series will highlight some of my favorite moments from NC Mermania!

#rescue sirens #mermaids #nc mermania #chris sanders #jessica steele-sanders #conventions

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whorchataaa · 4 years ago

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Podcast: Are Social Media Friends Real?

Whether we like it or not, social media is now a big part of our culture. In today’s show, Professor Tim Bono, Ph.D., an expert in psychological health and happiness, shares how we can keep a balanced perspective regarding social media and not let it lead to depression, addiction or envy.

How is social media like a casino slot machine? How do online friendships compare to in-person friendships? Join us for the answers to these questions and much more.

We want to hear from you — Please fill out our listener survey by clicking the graphic above!

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW

Guest information for ‘Tim Bono- Social Media Friends’ Podcast Episode

Tim Bono, PhD is a professor at Washington University in St. Louis. He has won several teaching awards and thousands of students have taken his popular courses on the Psychology of Young Adulthood and the Science of Happiness. He is an expert consultant on psychological health and happiness for a number of national media outlets, including CNN, Fast Company, The Associated Press, and several public radio stations. Happiness 101 (previously published as When Likes Aren’t Enough): Simple Secrets to Smart Living & Well-Being is his first book.

About The Psych Central Podcast Host

Gabe Howard is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar disorder. He is the author of the popular book, Mental Illness is an Asshole and other Observations, available from Amazon; signed copies are also available directly from the author. To learn more about Gabe, please visit his website, gabehoward.com.

Computer Generated Transcript for ‘Tim Bono- Social Media Friends’ Episode

Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.

Announcer: You’re listening to the Psych Central Podcast, where guest experts in the field of psychology and mental health share thought-provoking information using plain, everyday language. Here’s your host, Gabe Howard.

Gabe Howard: Hello, everyone, welcome to this week’s episode of The Psych Central Podcast. Calling into the show today, we have Dr. Tim Bono, Dr. Bono is a professor at Washington University in St. Louis. He is an expert consultant on psychological health and happiness for a number of national media outlets, including CNN, Fast Company, The Associated Press and several public radio stations. He’s also the author of the best selling book, Happiness 101. Dr. Bono, welcome to the show.

Dr. Tim Bono: Thanks for having me. It’s my pleasure to be here.

Gabe Howard: Well, we’re very excited. Obviously, social media is everywhere. Social media is here to stay, why do you think that it’s such a hot topic?

Dr. Tim Bono: Well, I think part of the reason it’s become a hot topic is because it has become so pervasive in the culture. If you look at the stats from the Pew Research Organization or other groups that collect data on this, an overwhelmingly large number of people are on social media and are using it frequently. And it’s also something that is relatively new. And so with something that has become so much a part of our culture and our day to day way of interacting with one another, that has posed a question to many people of to what extent is this actually affecting us and is it having an impact on other things that are occurring, such as increasing rates of depression and anxiety and other forms of mental distress? We know that both of those have been increasing simultaneously over the last decade. And the question is, well, is one of them causing the other? And I think that a lot of people have become curious about that.

Gabe Howard: One of the things that I always think about whenever these conversations crop up in the media is that it seems like every new thing is bad for us. I remember when the

Internet first started, I’m that age, so I remember before the Internet and then after the Internet. So the Internet starts and the first thing that everybody talks about is, oh, this is going to connect us like never before. This is wonderful. And then it only took a few months before everybody was like, the Internet is horrible. There’s, it’s just filled with pornography and fighting. And this was all before social media. And then everybody hated the Internet. Now the Internet is back to being powerful and social media is what we hate. Do you think that this is just a trend, just a theme that everything new at first is exciting and good and then immediately becomes bad and then it will balance out?

Dr. Tim Bono: It’s the nature of almost anything in the world that nothing is entirely good or entirely bad, and often what captures our attention initially is the novelty and the exciting parts and all the really cool features of something. But inevitably, over time, we come to realize that it also comes with some negative things if it’s not used appropriately. So, yeah, I do think that initially our attention is drawn to the positive things, but it’s just like anything else, as you say, with the Internet or even 100 years ago or more when cars first came onto the scene, they were initially this really cool way to connect people and do your business more efficiently and more effectively. But we realized, oh, wait a second, if cars are not used under the appropriate conditions and the appropriate circumstances, they can actually be really harmful. So the solution has never been, OK, let’s get rid of this thing. Let’s get rid of the Internet or let’s get rid of cars. But let’s think about how to be wise consumers of this. And I think that that is where we’re at when it comes to social media. I don’t know of any psychologists who are saying, let’s get rid of social media, but instead let’s bring awareness to the fact that if it’s not used correctly, it could have some harmful effects on us and it’s worthwhile for us to bring attention to those things.

Gabe Howard: I really like what you’re saying there. Now, one of the other themes that comes up in all of these conversations is social media is bad because it’s addictive. I think it’s pretty clear that social media can be very addictive. So kind of don’t want to discuss whether or not it’s addictive. Let’s assume that it is addictive. Why is it so addictive?

Dr. Tim Bono: Part of the reason why social media is so addictive is because there’s so much uncertainty about what content we’re going to be seeing as soon as we log in, and that’s something that economists and psychologists and neuroscientists have known for a long time, that part of what makes anything addictive is the maybe factor that maybe when we go on, we’re going to see something cute or funny or something that is irritating or frustrating, or we’re going to see our crazy uncle’s political post that’s going to make us really upset. And it’s the same reason why people become addicted to the slot machines in Las Vegas, because maybe when they pull the lever of that slot machine, there’s going to be a big payoff. But maybe there isn’t. And it is that uncertainty, that curiosity that keeps people going back more and

more. It’s the reason why people get addicted to slot machines, but not to vending machines. In both cases, you’re putting money in, but it’s the one where there’s certainty of a reward. You know that you’re going to get that bag of potato chips at the vending machine, but you don’t know if you’re going to get a reward at the slot machine. And it’s the same underlying mechanism that keeps us going back more and more to Instagram or Facebook or Snapchat, because every time you log on, you don’t know what you’re going to see. Even if we know intellectually it’s a waste of time that curiosity and the uncertainty keeps us going back more and more.

Gabe Howard: A lot of social media platforms refer to your followers as friends, we have so many friends on Facebook, for example, is having a lot of friends or followers on social media. Is it the same as having that many friends in real life?

Dr. Tim Bono: It’s not really the same thing, because for a lot of people, they’ll tell you that they don’t even know all the people or that they haven’t even met in person, all of the people who are following them or who they are, quote, friends with on these platforms. We do know that from a psychological perspective, arguably the single strongest predictor of our happiness has to do with the quality, friendships and relationships that we have with other people. But we’re talking about actual three dimensional people who you spend time with and who you develop an authentic relationship with. And on social media, very often those relationships are very superficial and they don’t get much beyond a like or a comment or a share or re tweet or something. And that’s not really the basis of a long lasting relationship with someone who will be there for you if you’re going through a rough time and you need a shoulder to lean on or if you’re having a really good day and you need someone to sort of help you extend the positivity and share that happiness with very often those followers and, quote, relationships on social media are just too superficial. And it’s much more worthwhile to develop and invest your time and effort in those relationships that are with the people who you’re interacting with more meaningfully on a day to day basis.

Gabe Howard: I’m really not surprised to hear this, because even though technology has made it easier to communicate and connect, rates of loneliness and sadness are increasing. Why is this if we’re more connected than ever? Why do we feel farther apart?

Dr. Tim Bono: Yeah, it’s a really good question, because we do know that those rates of sadness and anxiety and isolation have been increasing and a lot of it has to do with the fact that the connection that we are perceiving is not authentic, that very often that sense of connection is based on these media personas that we are crafting on the Internet. But that doesn’t necessarily correspond to the more in depth connections that would really be worthwhile for our sense of happiness and wellbeing. Day to day, the strongest predictor of happiness has to

do with social connection. Well, the biggest barrier to happiness is social comparison. And we know that that is the other piece that the social media platforms has enabled. It’s really hard to be happy if we constantly have our head over our shoulder and we’re wondering how do we measure up to other people around us or if we constantly are filled with a sense of envy over what other people have that we ourselves don’t have. And that’s one of the things we know that tends to be associated with large amounts of use on social media is that very often people scroll through and they see, oh, this coworker just got a new raise or a promotion or this person is driving a new fancy car. These people are out on this amazing vacation right now that I would never be able to afford myself. And that sense of envy, that sense of social comparison is, again, a fundamental barrier to a sense of well-being. And that’s where we have to be cautious about the ways that we’re using social media. If it’s the starting point for what will then lead to authentic connection with another person, great. Use it for that. But if we’re constantly going through and we’re only using it as a means of social comparison, that’s where it can be problematic.

Gabe Howard: Let’s talk about the concept of getting instant support from other people and let’s use the example of I’m having a bad day and I want support from others, is it useful to post that distress on social media to easily and quickly get those responses to get those, you know, sort of virtual hugs?

Dr. Tim Bono: It depends a lot on the nature of the distress and the ultimate response and what that can lead to. I think that there’s a term now that people are using called vague booking, where people to say in need of prayers or something. And you have no idea. Well, what is this mean? Is this person actually in distress? Do they need something? And so there are some people who are doing that only as a way to get attention. And others, though, will use it as a way to see, well, who’s going to reach out to me, who then I can follow up with, and then maybe go get lunch with their coffee and then continue that conversation. So I think it depends on the nature of the distress. If you’re going through an extremely difficult time, if you’ve endured a major catastrophe, those short, quick little likes or comments, you might provide some momentary relief. But very likely it’s going to be much more important to talk to somebody, whether that is a trained professional or just someone in your own personal network who you can have a more in-depth conversation with, because we know that one of the characteristics of distress is that those negative emotions can easily blow things out of proportion or cause a further period of distress that can be problematic. But the act of talking through that distress, translating that distress into language for an extended period of time, that can be an extremely effective way to gain insight and move beyond that distress. But the very quick little comments and things from Facebook, if it’s something serious, I would not advise doing that. I mean, if it’s just you’re kind of having a bad day and you’ll get a quick pick me up by a lot of comments, I don’t see any harm in that. But for the more serious stuff, no, it’s not necessarily a great idea to do that on social media. That’s where you want to rely on that more authentic, strong social network of actual people who you have a deep relationship with, who you can draw on in that circumstance.

Gabe Howard: We’ll be right back after these messages.

Sponsor Message: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.com. Secure, convenient, and affordable online counseling. Our counselors are licensed, accredited professionals. Anything you share is confidential. Schedule secure video or phone sessions, plus chat and text with your therapist whenever you feel it’s needed. A month of online therapy often costs less than a single traditional face to face session. Go to BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral and experience seven days of free therapy to see if online counseling is right for you. BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral.

Gabe Howard: And we’re back discussing how social media impacts our happiness with Dr. Tim Bono. Let’s say that you want to exchange an idea. Is it better to exchange that idea in person or via social media?

Dr. Tim Bono: Well, again, I think it depends a lot on the particular idea that you’re trying to exchange. So if it’s an idea of, hey, does anybody have a recommendation for a roofing company or, you know, hey, we need a plumber, and anybody have any suggestions that kind of low level stuff go for it? I think that it’s perfectly fine to do that. But when we’re talking about something as complicated as differences in philosophical ideology or, you know, with all the political stuff going on, who’s voting for whom, very often when people are exchanging very controversial and deeply held convictions, that involves a level of emotional intelligence when you’re trying to resolve a major conflict where people are not seeing eye to eye. And so much of our ability to exchange ideas and to resolve a conflict is not just about the words that are exchanged, but it has to do with the non-verbal, you know, the timing and the pace of the conversation and vocal intonation and other characteristics that you can’t get just from reading the words that comprise an individual’s thoughts. And so that’s where if you’re really getting into it with somebody much better is to meet with that person, you know, have that conversation one on one so that all of those other nonverbal that are so important to our ability to communicate can enter in. And that is much more likely to get you a lot further versus just spouting out your ideas and then going back at your leisure to see what the other person has to say. So that’s not going to necessarily lead to any good outcomes, especially if the two people are getting really heated.

Gabe Howard: I don’t know, this is kind of an aside, but this is sort of the argument against trying to hash out these major issues via like text messages or e-mail as well. It’s all part and parcel except with social media. It also has the addition of it’s public, at least the email argument or the texting argument, at least that only remains between two people.

Dr. Tim Bono: Yes, and, you know, there are all those memes and stuff where suddenly two people are going at it on Facebook and then everybody else is watching with buckets of popcorn because they’re so entertained by the whole thing.

Gabe Howard: To switch gears ever so slightly, I’m a big proponent of sleep hygiene, and I don’t believe that you should be on your mobile device before bed at all. I don’t believe you should use tablets, computers, televisions, anything in your master bedroom. That’s my level of. You know, you’re trying to get into the zone for sleeping. Even playing just a game on your phone is too far for me. But I know that I am in the minority and that most of the world they use their phones as their alarm clocks which means they are tapping away on the things moments before going to bed. What’s your opinion of browsing social media moments before you turn out the lights and close your eyes to go to sleep?

Dr. Tim Bono: Well, I understand why people do it, and I will admit that I have been guilty of it myself in the past. I think you’re exactly right that most people, in terms of their behavior, that’s what they do. But if you ask any researcher, anybody who is sleep psychology or health and wellness or sleep hygiene in particular, I think that there is generally a consensus that it is a really bad idea and it’s a bad idea for a couple of reasons. One, our ability to fall asleep and remain asleep is predicated entirely on the brain’s ability to slow down. And there are a couple of reasons why having a device just inches from your face right before you’re trying to fall asleep is going to prevent that. One has to do very simply with the light that is entering your visual system. When light enters the visual system, it suppresses the release of a hormone called melatonin, and that is it’s released so that we can feel drowsy and then fall asleep and remain asleep. But if you have all this light pouring in to your brain, it’s basically sending a signal, hey, it’s daytime, not time for sleep right now.

Dr. Tim Bono: And that can then prevent you from falling asleep. The other reason why it can be problematic to have that device in front of you is that often it’s involved with some activity that is keeping the brain really alert. So, for example, you mentioned, you know, playing a game that requires a high level of cognitive effort. That is a surefire way to keep the brain really, really active. Or sometimes we’re looking at e-mails or we’re looking at our calendar for the next day, which could be a source of anxiety. If there’s things coming up that that are going to be anxiety provoking or sometimes it’s scrolling through social media and seeing things that fill us with envy or despair or distress or other things that are just keeping the brain really active between the light and the content of what we’re doing. It can sort of lead into this vicious cycle where then we don’t get good sleep the next day. And so then we’re on edge. We can’t focus on our work as well the next day. And it just kind of creates a spiral effect that only gets worse and worse over time.

Gabe Howard: Dr. Bono, we’re nearing the end of the show, so I have the big question. Let’s say that a person finds that social media is negatively impacting their psychological health. What are some behaviors that actually can make them happier?

Dr. Tim Bono: Sure, well, there are a lot of findings from the behavioral sciences that have been shown to be very effective, just very small behaviors that we can incorporate. As you mentioned, I wrote a book that provides kind of an overview of a lot of those, but a few of my favorite activities have to do very simply with the practice of gratitude. You know, we talked earlier about the impact of social comparison on our well-being and how much that can be a detriment to us. Well, the antidote to social comparison is the act of gratitude, because instead of getting caught up in what other people have or how we wish our lives could be different, the practice of gratitude is really placing emphasis on the good things that already exist in our lives, but that we might simply have lost sight of. And study after study is showing that people who spend just a couple minutes a week focusing on good things in their lives show increases in how they feel about their lives. Overall, they report more optimism about what’s to come in the future. They even get sick less often.

Dr. Tim Bono: So there are a lot of benefits, just, you know, maybe once a week or so to sit down and think, OK, what are some good things in my life that I might have lost sight of? And that simple practice of gratitude can really go a long way. A few of the other very simple behaviors have to do with getting a good night’s sleep on a regular basis. We talked about the importance of that. The brain is very active when we’re sleeping and does a lot to strengthen neural circuits that play out in emotion regulation. Exercise is another one that’s important to prioritize at least a couple of days a week. We want 30 minutes of good cardiovascular activity that releases neurotransmitters that are essentially the brain’s feel good chemicals. And the other one that I’d say is really important is prosocial behavior. Get involved in the community, find something that is important to you, that allows you to feel a sense of connection to other people. And that sense of connection to other people is, again, foundational for a sense of well-being.

Gabe Howard: Thank you so much for agreeing to be here. Where can folks find you and your book to learn more?

Dr. Tim Bono: The book is available on Amazon or Barnes & Noble or many other local book vendors. The title is Happiness 101: Simple Secrets to Smart Living and Well-Being. And I have a faculty webpage at Washington University in St. Louis. And if you Google my name, you’ll find more information about the kind of work that I do and the ideas in my book.

Gabe Howard: Very cool, I hope everybody grabs your book. Now, I understand that the book had a name change as well. What was the previous name of Happiness 101?

Dr. Tim Bono: When the book first came out in hardcover in 2018, it was called When Likes Aren’t Enough, A Crash Course in the Science of Happiness. And the book in part deals with social media and talks about the impact it has on us and simple ways that we can engage in other behaviors that are a stronger predictor of our happiness. But when the book was re-released earlier this year, they decided to give it a different title. And that new title is Happiness 101.

Gabe Howard: Wonderful. Well, thank you again for being here and listen up, everybody, thank you for listening. And I hope you got a lot out of the show. If you did, please subscribe, rate, and review wherever you downloaded this podcast. And we have our own Facebook group. It’s very private. It’s very exclusive. And I’m inviting you personally. Head over to PsychCentral.com/FBShow and it’ll take you right there. And remember, you can get one week of free, convenient, affordable, private online counseling any time anywhere, simply by visiting BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral. And we will see everybody next week.

Announcer: You’ve been listening to The Psych Central Podcast. Want your audience to be wowed at your next event? Feature an appearance and LIVE RECORDING of the Psych Central Podcast right from your stage! For more details, or to book an event, please email us at [email protected]. Previous episodes can be found at PsychCentral.com/Show or on your favorite podcast player. Psych Central is the internet’s oldest and largest independent mental health website run by mental health professionals. Overseen by Dr. John Grohol, Psych Central offers trusted resources and quizzes to help answer your questions about mental health, personality, psychotherapy, and more. Please visit us today at PsychCentral.com. To learn more about our host, Gabe Howard, please visit his website at gabehoward.com. Thank you for listening and please share with your friends, family, and followers.

The post Podcast: Are Social Media Friends Real? first appeared on World of Psychology.

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ashley-unicorn · 4 years ago

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Podcast: Are Social Media Friends Real?

How is social media like a casino slot machine? How do online friendships compare to in-person friendships? Join us for the answers to these questions and much more.

We want to hear from you — Please fill out our listener survey by clicking the graphic above!

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW

Guest information for ‘Tim Bono- Social Media Friends’ Podcast Episode

About The Psych Central Podcast Host

Computer Generated Transcript for ‘Tim Bono- Social Media Friends’ Episode

Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.

Dr. Tim Bono: Thanks for having me. It’s my pleasure to be here.

Gabe Howard: Well, we’re very excited. Obviously, social media is everywhere. Social media is here to stay, why do you think that it’s such a hot topic?

Gabe Howard: One of the things that I always think about whenever these conversations crop up in the media is that it seems like every new thing is bad for us. I remember when the

Gabe Howard: We’ll be right back after these messages.

Gabe Howard: Thank you so much for agreeing to be here. Where can folks find you and your book to learn more?

Gabe Howard: Very cool, I hope everybody grabs your book. Now, I understand that the book had a name change as well. What was the previous name of Happiness 101?

The post Podcast: Are Social Media Friends Real? first appeared on World of Psychology.

from https://ift.tt/2CPKQek Check out https://daniejadkins.wordpress.com/

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brentrogers · 4 years ago

Text

Podcast: Are Social Media Friends Real?

How is social media like a casino slot machine? How do online friendships compare to in-person friendships? Join us for the answers to these questions and much more.

We want to hear from you — Please fill out our listener survey by clicking the graphic above!

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW

Guest information for ‘Tim Bono- Social Media Friends’ Podcast Episode

About The Psych Central Podcast Host

Computer Generated Transcript for ‘Tim Bono- Social Media Friends’ Episode

Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.

Dr. Tim Bono: Thanks for having me. It’s my pleasure to be here.

Gabe Howard: Well, we’re very excited. Obviously, social media is everywhere. Social media is here to stay, why do you think that it’s such a hot topic?

Gabe Howard: One of the things that I always think about whenever these conversations crop up in the media is that it seems like every new thing is bad for us. I remember when the

Gabe Howard: We’ll be right back after these messages.

Gabe Howard: Thank you so much for agreeing to be here. Where can folks find you and your book to learn more?

Gabe Howard: Very cool, I hope everybody grabs your book. Now, I understand that the book had a name change as well. What was the previous name of Happiness 101?

The post Podcast: Are Social Media Friends Real? first appeared on World of Psychology.

Podcast: Are Social Media Friends Real? syndicated from

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