#it's the reason i put it on pause
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The Shining Series’ lost mobile games
so, apparently japanese company G-MODE has an archive of old mobile games for the Nintendo Switch (and maybe Steam as well? so I’ve heard but i’m having trouble finding it). If you don’t know, Japan had a lot of unique pre-smartphone technologies, and a lot of games produced specifically for these platforms as well. Because these services have finally shutdown in recent years, these games are now inaccessible for the public and in danger of being lost forever, which sucks big time, so it’s nice to know at least one company that cares to keep them around, and their archive apparently even includes some third-party games besides their own.
how did I find this out? They’re celebrating the archive’s third anniversary by asking people of games they’d like to see added. They’ll be taking replies until April 30th. I don’t put much stock in that kinda thing, since i know nothing of business so who knows what kinds of negotiations are required for that kind of thing to begin with, it’s not guaranteed any suggestions will be added. Besides, I’m of the feeling that if certain big companies (like say, Sega, hypothetically) wanted to preserve their stuff they’d already done it on their own.
am I still clowning out there asking for shining force stuff? You silly bean of course I am. And more people are asking for Sega stuff as well. So I’m inviting you to clown with us, or at the very least get to know what stuff was once out there to begin with, because the Shining series has quite a few of these games, including tactical RPG entries that classic fans have always wanted back, and it sucks that they’re simply lost and uncared for now.
(Note: should you really decide to reply the tweet, here’s a template if you don’t know japanese:
タイトル: [game’s name, preferably in japanese of course]
メーカー名: [name of the company that made the game]
#GMODEアーカイブス)
So let’s begin with the games that have already popped up in this blog:
Shining Force Chronicles I/II/III (シャイニング・フォース クロニクル I/II/III)
The Shining Force Chronicles trilogy were ports of the Game Gear’s Shining Force Gaiden games. As you can see above though, they had different graphics. They are also very weird in that they seem to have been vvvvvery briefly available on Play Store as well? And then removed? And then accessible only through a Sega subscription service that has also shutdown??? so yeah it’s weird, but Android versions seem to exist as well, despite being just as lost. I tried very hard to find apk files but got nothing. If you ever do,
please
Ahem. At the very least, sprite dumps of the games (SFCIII here) exist in the Shining Force Central forums, so we can enjoy the updated graphics to some extent. I’ve even posted some comparisons between them and the originals for Gaiden III - Final Conflict before, but while the battle sprites there are only resized versions of the game gear ones, I and II did better and straight up redrew some to make them distinct as opposed to palette swaps.
Here’s some examples, pretty cool right? Sadly the game’s animations were more limited so there aren’t as many frames, but I still appreciate the heck out of these.
Shining Road -to the force- (シャイニング・ロード ~トゥ・ザ・フォース~)
I sadly cannot find footage of this game at all, so all I know comes from the archived website. It seems to be a turn based dungeon crawling RPG where you and your party members move together tile by tile and must figure your way through the dungeon without getting separated. Each of the four playable characters has their own attack range, and depending of your formation around enemies, it is possible to unleash combo attacks.
It’s hard to judge without seeing the game in action, but it feels to me they were trying to mix up the tactical rpg roots of the series with the dungeon crawling and smaller parties of Shining Soul, and in fact, the game does lift assets straight up from the Soul games. The character sprites however have a lot more color and are very pretty in my opinion.
Story wise it takes place in the same world as Shining Tears, following the story of Affen, a treasure hunter who dreams of becoming the first human Beast King General of the kingdom of Bestia. I’m not too familiar with the Tears setting to comment on that, but I’ll note that two out of the other three party members are said to dislike humans. The game got a sequel, Shining Road 2 -Priestess of the Dark Dragon- (シャイニング・ロード2 ~黒き竜の巫女~) which seems to be essentially the same in terms of gameplay.
Shining Force EXA Mobile (シャイニング・フォース イクサモバイル)
Sadly I cannot find footage of this one either, but as you can see in the pictures, this one is a tactical RPG like the classics, but with the world and cast of Shining Force EXA. The archived website is poor in information compared to the other games here, but it mentions the Geo-Fort being playable and capable of upgrades like in the PS2 version, which might be this game’s distinctive feature in terms of gameplay.
Story wise, it seems to take place somewhere during the original game’s plot, with the characters being transported to another world by a mysterious gate, losing their memories in the process. It sounds like a very excuse-y filler plot, but according to the one liveblog i managed to find, it actually delves into Toma’s backstory quite a bit, and also introduces new characters related to Faulklin and Duga.
I didn’t play EXA but did enjoy the story quite a bit, so I’d love to see more of this characters. Out of all games in this list, this is the one I’m most curious about. Sadly I can’t even find pictures of its exclusive characters though... I’d love to see an older dog boy in the series.
Shining Wind X ~Weissritter War Chronicle~ (シャイニング・ウィンド・クロス ~ヴァイスリッター戦記~)
Ah, the classic japanese of putting letters in names and reading them however you want. That is meant to be read as “Shining Wind Cross”, and it’s a tactical RPG like the classics, with the world and characters of Shining Tears/Wind fighting a bunch of dark elves.
What little footage I could find of it sadly does not show battles, but it shows certain assets are lifted directly from Shining Force Chronicles, and the archived website confirms that yup, it plays very much like the Chronicles/Gaiden games, alternating between tactical battles with a party of up to 12 characters, and HQ stops where you manage your party, items and everything else. These HQ stops also allow you to talk with your party members, including choosing dialogue options that might deepen your bond with a character, unlocking extra story events. As a soulblader, the main character Soma also gets to select a partner each battle and do special link skills with them, whose strength also depends on your bond with them.
Thankfully this one also has a character page so we see the whole playable cast, which includes a bunch of centaurs, blind foxling monk, and, crow birdman ninja, which wields a staff?? for some reason??? i’m a bit confused at his class but he does look sick as hell and that’s mostly what i want of a shining game.
__
So yeah, this is mostly all I know about these mobile games, if anyone has more info please let me know, it sucks that they and so many others are stuck in limbo, and finding any information at all is hard, everybody say thank you Wayback Machine for what little i have here. Also, if anyone wants direct translations of certain pages here let me know, I did summaries only because i don’t want this post to get even bigger.
#lost media#shining force#shining force exa#shining wind#shining series#shining force chronicles#shining force chronicles 3#shining force exa mobile#shining wind x#shining road#you don't know how much it hurts that exa and sfc3 are the only ones to have no website at all#direct attack on me as usual#and yeah yeah i did promise comparisons with the other sfcs as well i will do it eventually#but ripping sprites from sfcd in particular will be a pain in the ass so don't expect it soon#it's the reason i put it on pause#long post
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zolu is maybe one of the easiest ships i've ever liked. they're dating, except when they're not, they're best friends even when they're kissing and they're still captain and first mate when they aren't. they hold hands, they hug. they have sex. they don't.
Luffy can hold Zoro's katanas and Zoro can hold Luffy's strawhat and no one bats an eye. one says "You're so cool!" and the other says "You're strong" and it's just another way to say "I see you, this is why I follow you/this is why I trust you". it's not seeing each other for a long time and still knowing how the other's steps sound like against wood and sand. the captain runs and the first mate follows. it's always "Zoro and the others" and "Where's Luffy?"
if they're just friends, if they're something more, if they don't have a label for it, at its core, it's just about how they get each other. they understand how the other's mind works. however you view them, it doesn't erase they fact that they love each other in a way they don't love other people.
#zolu#on why i love zolu#seeing the hate its gotten on its own tag#i figured i'd put it on my two cents#i am aroace and i do hc Luffy as aroace#the same for Zoro if i'm honest#but the thing about this hc is that not only it isn't canon#but is an actual spectrum#what really made me pause was that the argument was that zolu was an “icky” ship bc of how they viewed Luffy as aroace#i would have prefered they just said they hate the ship#it makes sense as i do too hate ships without reason sometimes#but it was how they seemed to view aromatic/asexual people that fucked me up#both orientations are spectrums#the way i see it and experience it isn't the same other people do#giving this label and then saying it only woks on one way is disrespectful to the many people that fall under this umbrella#it isn't as simple as saying “aromantic folks can't experience love” and “yeah ace folks all find sex disgusting”#everyone is different everyone has different views and it's about finding what fits *you* personally!#sorry for the rant on tags i just wanted to get it off my chest#i've seen more people explain it better and break it down more coherently#and i'm so so glad to see so many big brained people ready to communicate on why that take just wasn't it#one piece
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Case should be closed based on this alone
#byler#stranger things#byler endgame#all it takes is Mike or Will saying crazy together next season#and it’s over#i stand by the fact#that the long pause after the crazy together scene#is meant to convey that this is romantic#the reason being bc if this was a girl/boy or just mike/el#EVERYONE would have been watching it thinking OMG THE TENSION THEY SHOULD KISS#it’s put there to force you to endure this moment with them and question it beyond what’s there#and within the context of the word crazy throughout the series#that proves it to the highest degree#heteronomativity#it’s a bitch
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I’ve been seeing a lot of people shit on straight couples in shipping and in general as a "joke" lately, particularly in the Dungeon Meshi fandom. Friendly reminder that, besides the evil straights, when you mock or put down straight couples for being straight/"not queer enough", you also make bi and pan people, and trans and ace people who experience hetero attraction feel unwelcome and lesser. Negativity hurts, love is love, happy valentine’s!
#It’s not even unironic or subtle anymore. Very uncomfy ngl#I know which side of the ace discourse y’all would be on and I do not like it#A lot of people reading will have the gut instinct of “shut up straight 🙄” and if that’s you I want you to pause and think about that#Yes I understand the historical sociopolitical reasons. Can we not rise above and not be exclusionists#When did queerness start being a performance needed to belong here. When did it become synonym for morality of a ship.#Not even gonna put this post in general tags bc I’m scared but if I get backlash my point will only be made tbh. What about this is wrong#Will being an ace heteroflexible-demiromantic queer woman save me some heat? Doubtful and that’s the sad thing isn’t it#Never straight enough for the straights never gay enough for the gays.#Bi marcille and ace laios laimar <3 Not that they care tho#I love being a multishipper. Laicion and farcille and marchil and laimar and cittadol and labru having a tea party in my mind and thriving#Is it not enough to be happy and uplifting
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gripping the counter. Misgendering and deadnaming at work constantly dont matter because its not real thats not Real to me so i dont care its a worksona i dont care i dont care i dont c
#theres no fucking reason my register should have to say my legal deadname.#its printed on every receipt its on the screen whenever i pause my register all my fucking coworkers know it and the company pats themselves#on the back for being able to put my chosen name on the printed out schedule#my coworkers are good about CALLING me my right name but the fact that they know my deadname is embarrassing. yfm?#its so loud in the store + i wear masks i cant project enough with my voice dropped#its so. fucking . aughhhhh#and people dont treat me like a human being and they expect me to read their mind and get mad when i cant#<- this is your brain 2 weeks on customer service job.#kora.txt
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missing her (evergreen lung)
#decisions.... decisions.... the real reason i've put this wip on pause#my heart tells me i need less characters#and also to bring more of a focus to the sentient forest which was the whole point of this wip 💀#limited casts in a Location lead to my best works#but the aroace themes demand the presence of La Amatonorma. so i need more than 3 people#pia.txt#( wip ) evergreen lung
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hmmm should i go through all of the dramas and musicals and other dn medias to compare light's wardrobes there as well as from the anime and manga or is that too much work
#i need to see all of light's wardrobe and i was considering doing every character but i think i'll limit it to light and misa#and potentially mello bc he's constantly serving cunt. i dont think L and near have enough outfits to bother w it and the rest#of the kira taskforce wears pretty basic suits the whole time so i will probably not do them#def light and misa though i care abt their taste in fashion the most#i was planning on doing another read through of the manga and marking things down while i'm doing that and just putting the#anime on like 10x speed and pausing for new outfits but if im gonna do extra content that'll probably push this project into being#a longer thing bc originally i was thinking it'd take me maybe a week or two but i've never seen the dramas yet so im probs gonna#want to take my time w those. hm. idk i like have life things to do but i kinda really want to do this#i also want to keep track of the page numbers/timestamps/episodes that certain outfits show up for reasons#and then ig once i have all of my data (light and misa's outfits) i can set up individual timelines for each series and i can sort#them into little categories and i can compare them and i can track their fashion tastes over time yippee!!!!#oh i get so excited thinking abt this i will have the best archive of all of their outfits and i will ofc share my findings bc i feel like#this is very helpful research#it's so funny bc all of this.... is just so i can properly pick out lingerie that i think light would like.......#ajdhkajsjhdjgasjhj
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it’s important to me that in contrast to how I see the other protags, red is largely Alone on his journey outside his pokemon. i don't think he's good at continuing relationships when the other person's out of sight. ash and pokespe!red and their friends save the world, the johto kids end up traveling in a group, their rivals aren’t your-only-childhood-friends-turned-bullies, etc etc. which is to say that I have no idea what to do with ms leaf green
^a draft from before i got the answer beamed into my head
#my post#pokemon#stay tuned for the next post i put all my leaf thoughts in that one there for some reason#i think red's the kind of guy who sees his relationships as being on pause when he's away#so while they're important to him he won't miss most people like they miss him#and when they run into each other again it'll be ok#its a bit harder when they left on bad terms. then he'll feel that they still resent him even if he's been gone for 3 years#and they've changed as a person while he himself has been 'on pause' (you could say 'frozen')#probably resenting them back under the assumption that it's still mutual#no idea who that one could be referring to tho
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chronically ill people will see the rapid3 questionnaire ask "do you have problems with dressing yourself each day, including doing up buttons and tying shoelaces" and be like "ah, this does not describe me, for you see i have a System" and folks. that is what the question is getting at,
#shoutout to the og neurodivergence tweet for being the only reason i paused and went '....wait'#turns out when your answer is 'yeah ive phased out my button-ups and most jeans bc of pain' thats a different thing#my rapid3 score apparently puts me at 8.11 out of 10 for quality of life#which is basically 'it would make complete and total sense for this bitch to kill herself'#so. hopefully the monday appt will b ok. i am afraid tho.#autoimmune tag#chronic illness
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I want a book about post-apocalyptic world, it starts out with these four survivors, who are all in their early to mid twenties, with the oldest being 25. They are trying to find other survivors/find out what started the apocalypse. I want them to be traveling, getting close to where they think the apocalypse started and surrounded by a group of creatures (I’m thinking zombies, but if you can be more original, let me know.)
Just when they are starting to despair, a car horn sounds. A minivan careens into the circle, killing several of the horde of creatures. A door is thrown open, and a preteen girl pitches her head out and screams at the top of her lungs “ GET IN!!!”
They start scrambling into the minivan, while the monster shuffle at them. When the last person gets in, the girl throws the door closed and yells, ” Step on it, Rosie, and don’t hit another building!”
They turned to see a nine-year-old girl in the driver seat, with a 13-year-old boy looking like he was about to hurl. They drive so fast that one of the passengers definitely gets close to sickness. The nine-year-old keeps giggling, and whoever’s point of view it is is death scared of this little girl.
They get driven to this camp area that has obviously been turned into a hideout, with a gate enclosing it. There, they are greeted with a gaggle of kids, ranging from 7 to 16, with two elderly women, and a girl who stands out as being the oldest and probably the leader. She seems to be a lot older, and is very confident, giving directions to everyone. She takes the four of them to a side room, and shuts the door. All four of them are preparing for some sort of shovel talk. None of them are expecting to see this girl to sigh, lean against the wall and ask “Are any of you homophobic? because I am not willing to deal with that during this whole thing.”
Turns out, this place used to be a conversion camp that flew under the radar, and this girl had been breaking her little sister out of it when this whole thing started. Most of the kids have been fine, as they’ve been on lockdown due to her entering, almost all the faculty was dead or had abandoned the kids when everything started. The only adults who were left were the lunch ladies and the grandmother of one of the kids, who had been there visiting her grandson.
This 19-year-old had been put in charge of a gaggle of kids, and three older women who did not know how to take care of that many children. She asked the team for help dealing with the kids, crying that she needed an adult.
The group of four look at each other. Only one of them has experienced with children, and that is with a few kids from daycare, who are arguably younger than these ones. All of them are grad students, who barely survived the apocalypse due to sheer dumb luck, antisocial behavior, and their ability to dodge people attempting to bite them (grad students get crazy and cranky when you tried to wake them up or take them away from their work). All four of them are human disasters, then they look at this kid, who didn’t even get the chance to go to college, who is begging for help, and looks like she’ll cry if they refused to help.
They all collectively decide that They will be the responsible one. all of their other friends are human disasters, so they have to clean up their behavior and take care of this girl and the many children she has under her care. They know they’re going to need to help.
The problem is, they are all human disasters, who barely know how to cook. They are trying to be responsible, but they only have one brain cell, and it passes between them with no warning.
The rest of the story should be a mixture of comedy(these 20 year old trying to take care of a bunch of kids) and apocalyptic drama (these old ladies, trying to figure out why the apocalypse started, with a few appearances from Timmy, the grandson, who is seven years old and was sent there without the grandmother’s knowledge.)
Just, let the responsible grandparents figure out how the apocalypse started and why, while the grad students try to be responsible for 20 to 30 kids.
#writing prompt#misunderstandings#crack#post apocalyptic#it needs to start out grungy#And then have a big switch when the kids come in#There should definitely be a point where a boy who has a crush on another boy asks one of the grad students#How to ask out their crush#And the grad student has to pause#because they have never gone on a date before it#Or asked anyone out#But this kid needs advice#So they have to channel their inner romance guru#It goes terribly wrong#The kids still get together though#The reason the 19-year-old wasn’t driving#Was because she failed her drivers test three times#19-year-old has more brain cells than the grad students#But she is so tired#She gets to rest#Stop showing college students as being able to take care of themselves#I don’t know one college student who can take care of themselves#IDK what to put
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Discovered that two of the femme books I'd been wanting for a while (that JUST arrived) were written by femmes who actually live in my state. Is. Is there a secret femme lesbian society I'm not aware of??? And would you folks mind an eavesdropper???? I don't want to interrupt, I'd just love to take notes.
#archivist talk#also very glad i am putting a pause on book purchasing for fixing the subaru budget reasons#because since i posted those photos of my current collection for example#more than a dozen books have come in#and i'm still waiting on a couple more arrivals#a few of them are black lesbian anthologies i've had my eye on for quite a while so i'm really excited EEEEEEE#if i had $300-ish to spare i think i could probably clear out the niche on my book list that is black/southern usa/sapphic#i think wrapping up the rest of the femme collection might take $400-ish but god i am willing#the butch collection .... is gonna be a real doozy for a fat minute i need to find somewhere that even has copies of certain books to sell#which will also be hard because in my two years of looking i am still looking for books that i have never seen pop up#worst comes to worst i'm going to scout every bookstore in my area#maybe go through the whole state if i'm feeling plucky#and then definitely go to chicago because i love chicago and miss their bookstores#also i have found a few really good finds in chicago bookstores before so i hope my luck holds
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Legally Blonde au with Steve as Elle Woods I love it but there are so many reasons I don't think Eddie would be in law school you know where he COULD be??
He could be the 'guilty' person Steve's team is trying to defend.
In a world where Chrissy was killed but no supernatural shit involved just a tragic run of the mill murder, and because of Eddie's stellar luck he's the one who finds her body. But when he calls the police, they took one look at the scene (Sweet innocent cheerleader, Satanic drug dealer covered in her blood because he'd been checking for a pulse damn it), they deemed it an open and shut case and arrested Eddie on the spot. His case hadn't even been allowed to go to trial first because everyone was so convinced he'd done it.
Then professor Holloway, in an effort to trip Steve up assigns him and a few other students he thinks don't deserve to be there (Steve's too thick, Nancy and Robin "just don't have the right outlook"=They're women) Eddie's case. And at first Steve is the only one who believes him. Robin is doubtful and tired of being accused of being too naive and Nancy points out the evidence against him would suggest otherwise, but Steve just... believes him.
So they take the case, and they're able to win after a long trial involving incompetent police officers, a town so full of contempt for a guy they'll very clearly lie to keep him locked up, a psycho boyfriend who'd fanboyed a little too much over some small town serial killer from the 50s and Steve falling in love with his client (Nancy says it's unprofessional, Robin argues its romantic). But they win, all thanks to Steve calling out there's no way Jason could have been at the pool that day because thered been a storm warning and outdoor pools aren't open on those days (or something else jock-ish).
Anyways afterwards, Eddie moves out of Hawkins cause Fuck that place and just so happens to move closer to Steve's school, Steve graduates (probably not top of his class, he still had Nancy Wheeler to compete with) and the two of them live happily ever after.
#i paused my recorded lecture to write this lmao thank god it wasnt in person idk how i would've contained myself#sorry its long but im not putting a read more thing bc that deletes bits of it for some reason#tumblr mobile has been sooo glitchy atm maybe instead of fucking with the layout staff should be focused on that huh#stranger things#steve harrington#eddie munson#nancy wheeler#robin buckley#fruity four#steddie#steve x eddie#eddie x steve#au#show: stranger things#ch: steve harrington#ch: eddie munson#ch: nancy wheeler#ch: robin#ship: steddie#ship: steve/eddie#dynamic: robin/steve/eddie/nancy
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i've been trying to screen record the spanish dub for mob psycho so i can put the episodes up on a drive. but unfortunately for me crunchyroll has now done the thing where if you screen record, the screen will just turn black . any normal person would have just been like ah whatever and given up. but unfortunately for crunchyroll, i am not a normal person
#i found a loophole#i can psych out crunchyroll so i can record the audio but just the audio#but then i will go to a free website and just record the episode in like english dub or whatever#and then i will take the audio and lay it over the video and put that shit together#and then i'll have it#i told my sister about this#they called me insane#or actually#they said not even an insane person would do that#but i would literally do anything to not have to pay crunchyroll again#kicking my feet giggling#the spanish dub is just so funny#i remember my sister and i were watching the very first episode with the bike gang and the banana peel#and we were literally crying laughing at it#we had to pause it so we could stop laughing and continue normally#for some reason in english or japanese we never laughed that hard#cnp rants
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Just my luck to get a really painful dental emergency the one week my home visit dentist is on holiday
#Sunny Life#I have to sit like this until sometime next week at the minimum#being housebound sucks for about 4754628 different reasons but having to put medical emergencies on pause is definitively at the top#like there's a dentist 15 minutes away but the trip might fuck me up so bad I'll be bedridden for months#so I just have to sit here and grit my teeth until help arrives
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[staring out the window but it's just a sticker on the wall] i actually need to make something right now or i'll espode
#just me hi#didn't really do anything yesterday and i have some neat ideas that i haven't gotten around to because of the Sludge#but ouuuu Aura.....#yea..#//also think i want a sweet drink rn#prolly soda ngl. favorite poison :3#//i had to reset my computer (bugging out) and for some reason it signed me out of everything ? boop ??#anyway so that means ytm autoplay got turned back on. which i rarely enjoy but i don't have the power to turn it off rn so i'm just#tolerating everything that comes on loll#which i'd Like to say it's like the radio but i really really like the station i listen to often and i Understand it's gonna be a roulette#//OH YEAAA i forgot about my mp3 project !! !!!!#so i think i mentioned it can hold images too which is Sickkkk and you can put the images on a slideshow which is even cooler#and bc you can listen to audio while doing that at the same time i was thinking well this is just infinite potential here. this could be#everything khfbvshg :333#i wanna try a shorter + smaller story first.. prolly a short ghost story cuz spooky is just easier for me to do lol#ik what the visuals will prolly look like but the audio cues are where i'm a bit Hmmm abt em hfshg#i'm thinking i could put All of the audio in just like 2-3 files (for tutorials on how to use the machine for the story :) ) which isn't#hard#and cuz if you need to pause for whatever reason it's next to impossible to figure out where you are properly meant to be anyway#Yeaa i'll prolly do that :)#but if it turns out well i want to do some more complicated stuff!!#like i was thinkin and there's like a second between each pic where it could look like smth is just Kinda animated#which could be really cool and offsetting in the right spots :33#i'm really excited abt it hbfhsv - prolly cuz it feels like a new medium which always gets my gears moving lol :>#//anyway i'm gonna run out of tag space in a sec lol--#just realized the reason i tend to have my last tag cut off at the end is bc i forget to count my talk tag as. a tag. lmfvsfhvjsf#anyWay yea!!! toodles ^w^
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i like literally wish i didnt feel compelled to rewatch and relisten to the same things over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again its like actually really annoying and frustrating because i just feel like im constantly stuck in a loop doing the same things over and over but thats just literally what its like being autistic like its just frustrating cos i dont want to have to be constantly fighting with myself over it because its like okay we dont need to get stuck in the daily loop of walking in circles for hours listening to the same songs we've heard 200 times or sitting and watching things we've seen 30 times and there are better ways we could be spending our time but the compulsion is SO strong and its just Omfg like its just annoying and horrible because I have to force myself to try to break out of patterns I wish the constant compulsion I have to do the same things over and over and over and over and OVER AND OVER wasnt there at all because it would make things way easier for me and it just makes me feel so dumb.
#Like please for the love of god can we stop doing the same things over and over and go have new experiences oh my god#And i dont know its hard not to beat myself up constantly#im thinking about how im back into the same thing i was into for literally like 5 years when i was younger and i love it so much but it als#causes me despair because im like so im just spinning my wheels but like having a special interest that brings you joy your whole life is#the whole thing with being autistic and its fine but im just like ughhh UAEGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!#how it feels to go back to your old hyperfixation and its the guy with the chains on his wrists.#anyways omfg sorry that all i do on here is either post autistically about this band or agonize for some reason about being into this band.#if i could just calm the fuck down.#its literally fine but im like soooo im just walking in a circle forever and ever#but if i could just stop feeling guilty for no reason i would be having so much more fun#but the circular/obsessive thought patterns also mean i constantly worry about the same thing . when will i shut up#i just had a bad day because i basically have done nothing but stare at screens and its fine but i feel Aueahehaeufhehweughwhgdjhgdf#Its pathetic though like i have to fight with myself to pause music to even put on a podcast or something and its just so like. oh my god i#a grown adult come on#but i literally will like start an album too and then be like well i cant turn it off i have to listen to the whole thing and ill do that#with 4 albums and just walk and walk and then im like so i wasted 2 hours#etc etc its just god i dont know i feel so frustrated with myself constantly this doesnt have anything to do with a specific thing anymore#its just the general like. i do the same things every day im just stuck in this pattern of behavior constantly it makes me so frustrated#i didnt do Any of the things i actually wanted to try to do today so im just like.#im at least gonna go play guitar for a few hours
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