#cnp rants

[wawataka]

every time i see something labeled as “4 years ago” im like oh so like 2018 NO its 2020

[wawataka]

for the life of me i can’t remember the ending of the movie. i remember branch turnging blue and i blacked out from there

i watched the first trolls movie blazed out of my mind and i swear to god that wasn’t a real movie

[lamuradex]

I got some writing feedback today and I fear it may have broken me.

It wasn’t bad, or even poor feedback. It just kind of hurt.

Me having a bit of a meltdown below the cut.

So, some explanation.

Back in January, I entered the Cheshire Novel Prize. Basic sort of contest, near 2000 entrants, you enter your novel, 100 get through to Round Two, like 10 make Round Three, and the winner is selected from them. The first round results were announced back in April, but it's old hat to me because this is my third year entering.

And I have never made it past the first round.

I've been entering the same novel, Stitches of the Mind, for three years, polishing it up more and more each time. But I've never so much as made it to round two.

Now, I’m not surprised by this, and it’s mostly fine. Sort of upsetting, but my rational side tells me its fine. 100 spots out of 2000? 5% chance? How likely is that?

BUT one of the selling points of CNP is that every entrant, no matter how far they get, will receive feedback on their entry. Which is great!

This year though, the contest did a bit of a number on me. My self confidence in my writing, and all around need to be validated, has been a little fragile the past year, and the CNP do a lot to build tension concerning who’s made it through, so it was a long tense build up, months in advance, to a simple disappointing loss.

But I still had the feedback to look forward to.

The feedback usually takes a while to go out, there are a lot of people to email, and I was patient… mostly. Started to get a little antsy by mid-September. But today, 23rd of September, my feedback arrived. And it was everything I should have expected. A lot of nice praise, some stuff I can improve (though that was a little vague) and a final summary of some general tips.

And buried in all that feedback was this line:

"There is so much to like about this novel, and it was so close to progressing in the competition."

And that comment felt like it cracked my brain.

I was so close to progressing. And I didn't even know. But I'd still lost!

And I'd just been given feedback that, had I known it six months ago, could have meant I finally got to Round Two, which is honestly all I could hope for.

But discovering that I was that CLOSE TO SUCCEEDING!

FUCK!

I... don't really know what to do with all this. I know there's another editing run in my future, because of course there is, but I am still struggling to process this news. I'd have killed to get to Round Two, and receive even that little bit of validation that this novel is worthwhile! But no. I missed it by inches, if the feedback is to be believed. After three years I still missed it by inches.

I'm just a little exhausted now.

I think I need to go to bed. I'm a little sleep deprived anyway, having stayed up too late last night, trying to track down my past CNP feedback on an old computer. And then the new one miraculously arrived today. What are the odds?

But yeah, that's the meltdown I'm having.

How are you guys doing?

[sneakystorms]

The fact this is being said by a policeman 💀

[wawataka]

every time i see a potato smiley i am immediately reminded of evil potato smiley and by association, mogami keiji

[wawataka]

made these edits for the age swap au. dies

[wawataka]

things to say after your packer falls from your pants

my eyes are up here

is that your phone on the floor or were you just excited to see me

five second rule!

[wawataka]

i’m debating if i should participate in mobtober or cringetober or both. take this while i figure it out

[wawataka]

finally they’re slowly making serizawa and reigen the same height like god (ONE) intended

[wawataka]

i miss that wonderful period of time where manga readers were able to gaslight the anime only mob psycho enjoyers. three characters died in their eyes

[wawataka]

i need them to put reigen arataka into fortnite

[wawataka]

i think the idea of ritshou and terumob happening at the same time is hilarious. the bloodline ends with all of them

[wawataka]

genuinely if mob choir ever decided to branch out or something and hold concerts to perform the mob psycho OP/ED’s live i would pay real money to see them

[wawataka]

oh my god i just remembered i had a DREAM that ONE published bonus pages for the epilogue of mob psycho and for some fucking reason teruki died and i remember being so upset because i was like he did NOT have to kill him off like that. and now that i’m awake it sounds ridiculous but that hurt was real man

[wawataka]

what if one day i bring a partner to my bed and i have to be like “oh sorry let me move everything off my bed. sorry”

[wawataka]

if i ever see another blond spikey haired boy ask their rival smth along the lines of “would i still be able to catch up to you?” im gonna lose my mind