#it's the ones where he's wearing a wig and acting like a gossiping woman at the salon

[dudeshusband]

what's with old cishets and commenting "when men were men" under dean martin clips? and it's not even the one's where he's acting particularly "manly"

[deathsteel]

This Ain't a Scene Its a Goddamn Drag Race

~Part Two~

Castiel woke up the next morning to the sound of the show's security guys stationed in the hallways changing shifts. He tried to block out the sound of their chit-chatting by burying his face in his pillow, but ultimately failed when they burst into raucous laughter right outside his doorway. With a groan he dragged himself out of bed and towards the bathroom; might as well get a run in before the production staff descended on them so they could film the reaction shots to last night’s elimination.

There wasn’t much about being on a reality show that Castiel would call ‘glamorous’, but filming the practically scripted confessional segments after each elimination and mini-challenge was probably the most degrading thing that Castiel had ever done in his entire life. And he’d once been talked into ripping open bags of trash all over himself during a show by his drag mother. Needless to say, performance art and lying to the public at large were not his favorite activities.

He’d gotten into a huge fight with one of the producers early on about how staged some of the things on the show were and it was probably why he’d been struggling his way up from the bottom since the very first episode. But luckily Gabby was very adamant about preserving what he called “the integrity of the process” and basically ignored the producers when they tried to steer him towards favoring a certain contestant.

That didn’t mean that the host was around all the time so the execs still got their dose of drama to satiate the audience, regardless of whether the rivalries between the queens were genuine or not. In actuality, Castiel liked most of the others, even Luc and Michael at times had been funny when the cameras were off, but he wasn’t about to delude himself into thinking they were best buddies. Not even Balthazar who had quite obviously been flirting with him the night before right in front of Charlie, one of the less anal PAs, who had been assigned to watch them for the evening. And definitely not Kevin who only lived an hour away in Olympia and treated him like the drag mother he’d always wanted.

Not to say it wasn’t tempting, both Balthazar’s lasciviousness and Kevin’s overtures of friendship, but Castiel wasn’t going to be the next Willam or Latrice Royale; being a slut and a saint hadn’t gotten either of those two queens the crown. And that was what all of this was about, right?

He was plagued by these thoughts as he headed down to the hotel’s indoor gym and put a couple of miles behind him on the treadmill, staring at his own reflection in the mirrors that lined the walls because he wasn’t allowed to turn on the T.V. that was mounted in one corner of the room. Castiel honestly would’ve done it just to spite his contract if he could (because he was dying to find out about some gossip that was centered on anyone besides himself) but Hael, one of the show’s interns, was there with him; ‘keeping an eye on him’ while really tapping away at her phone.

If Hael was a man, Castiel would flirt a little, trail his fingers up the inside of a thigh and BAM! He’d have instant access to being able to call his mom or text his sister or god above, check TMZ. He just knew in his gut that Rihanna had done something since he had been locked up in this rhinestone studded prison for the last month.

But Hael was a woman and even though she eyed his biceps when Castiel was doing half-hearted pushups as part of his cooldown, the thought of whoring himself out for five minutes with an iPhone kinda made him nauseous. Or that could’ve been the mini bottles of vodka he’d been slamming back with Raphael, Kev, and Charlie last night as they’d eaten delivered pizza in Kevin’s hotel suite. Balthazar had stuck to nursing a beer, amused by their antics, but otherwise aloof in the way that Castiel thought only took away from the other man’s attractiveness.

Now that his head was pounding from both his workout and his hangover, Castiel understood why the Brit hadn’t indulged like the rest of them. That strategic, wormy, sexy bastard.

By the time Castiel had made it back to his room, he could see a room service tray being delivered to Luc’s room and another on the floor already outside of Balthazar’s, so at least the other queens were up and about. They’d probably have to leave soon to go back to the studio and Castiel resigned himself to a fast shower and a shave instead of the long, leisurely one he’d intended to jerk off in.

Whatever, he’d just do it later.

Today they’d just be shooting reaction scenes based on last night’s elimination and doing the mini-challenge which wasn’t exhausting, but they never knew what the mini-challenge was going to be so you definitely had to have your wits about you. Castiel definitely did not have much of anything about him at the moment, but he planned on phoning it in for the mini-challenge since it wasn’t likely to affect him too much if he lost whatever little advantage the win would get him.

By the time he had finished changing into a well-loved pair of dark wash jeans and a faded black polo shirt and popped his medication, Castiel was already exhausted. So when one of the PAs pounded on his door and called a ten minute warning for him to be ready or else, Castiel just sighed at the dark circles under his eyes and his messy unstyled hair before shrugging and snagging some sunglasses and a baseball cap out of his suitcase and heading out the door with his shoes untied.

Castiel rode in sullen silence with Luc again mostly because he was the last one to make it downstairs to the waiting towncars, but also because he was the only one of the queens who could stand Luc’s morning routine of picking at his fingernails and muttering obscenities under his breath.

As soon as all of the queens were herded into the studio, wardrobe descended on them like a plague of locusts; tugging at their street clothes and strapping mics around their waists until all of the queens were dressed in their ‘confessional outfits’.

When Castiel had finally gotten the official word that he had been chosen as one Drag Race’s contestants, he had been mailed a two inch thick envelope containing a contact that Castiel had signed without even reading, a list of “suggested” items that he needed to bring for the challenges, and instructions to bring at least two to three weeks of casual clothing to include one outfit that would be used for filming purposes.

At the time Castiel hadn’t known that he was going to be parted from his favorite blue cardigan for literal months, not even allowed to take it back to the hotel with him because the wardrobe crew was scared he would spill something on it that they couldn’t get out. If he had, he would have just let them film him in one of his thrift store t-shirts and cut offs. But now he had to wear his most beloved, comfy cardigan along with a grey button down and skinny jeans two to three times a week, every week, to record his thoughts about the competition’s goings-ons.

The wardrobe crew didn't ever mess with his hair and they mostly didn’t bother putting makeup on any of them unless they looked REALLY rough, but most importantly, the outfits never ever changed. Today, Castiel got some concealer for the bags under his eyes and blush for the pallor that had settled over him due to his hangover.

It took Kevin an embarrassingly long time to understand that the reason behind wearing the same outfit for every confessional was because the producers wanted to splice footage from different days together so that they could create drama by taking things out of context. Castiel had no illusions about the fact that he probably looked like an asshole to most of America right now based on some of the things he had said during confessionals. A witty asshole with a penchant for lighting-fast one liners, but a dick nonetheless.

Castiel was still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as they set up the footage for him from the last few days, everything from the main challenge to the elimination runway to the behind the scenes or “Untucked” bits where they forced watered-down cocktails into the queens’ hands and then had them be gossipy bitches or start catfights. If the producers were feeling particularly sadistic they would get one of the contestant's homophobic family members to record a heartfelt, ‘private’ message that would then be played in front of everyone.

It was voyeuristic in probably the worst possible way and Castiel had decided that he would sooner get his wig snatched off by being shady than cry off his makeup if they managed to get his estranged father to apologize for calling Castiel a ‘fucking f*ggot’ when he was ten and had caught him with purple nail polish on after having a friend over to play.

He usually just read people during the Untucked segments and so far that’s what he had been doing during the confessionals as well; the camera girls seemed to think he was funny and the producers hadn’t caught on that the Drag Race version of Holly Cummunion was a sarcastic, shady act so he’d keep it up until Gabby or someone else called him on his shit. This week though, he had been uncharacteristically honest- probably because he was tired.

He even complimented Luc’s runway outfit for Christ’s sakes so he must have been feeling extra charitable.

The only good thing about filming the confessional scenes was that nothing else was being filmed at the same time. It meant that at least three of the queens could be filmed doing confessionals all at once because it’s not like the cameras were busy filming anything else. With so few queens left they finished filming everything by lunchtime and after a quick change back to their street clothes and a stop by craft services the queens were scattered casually around the workroom by the production assistants and then left to wait until Gabby showed up.

One time the host had arrived an hour late with Starbucks and a hickey the size of a mid-sized principality on the underside of his jaw. The queens had shared amused looks before going on to do the funnest mini-challenge of the season so far; a matching game that used the butts of the Pit Crew as cards. Castiel suspected that he hadn’t been the only queen flustered by the glistening abs and generous bulges of the Pit Crew in their speedos, but for the sake of Sam and Zeke (Gabby’s two regular Pit Crew men who’d, of course, participated in the challenge as well) Castiel had tried his best not to ogle too much even though he was going through the driest, dry spell of the century.

After being allowed back into his comfy polo and jeans by wardrobe, Castiel let himself be placed at one of the workroom tables with Raphael who was filing his fingernails in the most bored way possible. Castiel kept his sunglasses hooked into the collar of his shirt just in case the studio lights made his already throbbing head any worse, but after glancing in a mirror he decided his hair was fucked no matter what he did so he discarded his ball cap on top of his makeup case and let it be free.

The production assistants were distracted by last minute adjustments so Castiel snuck a glance at Charlie, who was coaxing Kevin and Luc into sharing a mirror since they were both plucking their eyebrows, before he quickly fetched one of his styling heads; the one sporting the ratted up platinum blonde wig that Castiel had styled for the white-trash chic challenge a couple weeks before. He planned on using whatever downtime he had to finally brush the snarls out so he could use it again for something else.

“Alright guys, everyone good?” Charlie asked, doing a thumbs up around the room as she tugged the headphones that she usually wore while filming back onto her ears. “Great, Gabe should be here in five so you all know the drill. Chat, look busy, just act natural.”

Raphael let out a derisive little scoff under his breath but otherwise continued shaping his fingernails and acting like Castiel didn’t exist. But that was pretty natural so Castiel didn’t bother questioning it, instead choosing to joke loudly with Balthazar from across the room about what the upcoming challenge could possibly be.

“Maybe Gabby’s interested in checking out the tightness of our tuck,” Balthazar quipped, winking in Kevin’s direction when the younger queen started giggling.

“Oh, well bless Connie for leaving then,” Castiel replied, referring to another queen, Connie Lingus, who had bowed out of the competition due to medical issues. “That girl had the meatiest tuck I’d ever seen.”

“Well, did you ever see her dragged down?” Raphael interjected, still focused on his nails. “Gave the phrase ‘hung like a horse’ a whole new meaning, baby.”

“I think Gabby has more important things to worry about than our tucks,” Luc drawled in a bored, disinterested kinda way.

He was making conversation to get air time and all the assembled queens knew it; Castiel just barely restrained himself from rolling his eyes and that was only because there was a cameraman hovering at his elbow as he brushed out his wig.

“Hells yea she does,” Kevin piped leaning back from the mirror to smooth down both of his eyebrows with a critical gaze on his reflection. “Like check out the tightness of the Pit Crew! Can I get an ay-men!?”

All the girls let out an ay-men, some less enthusiastically than others, but it happened to coincide perfectly with the now tell-tale sign of Gabby’s impending arrival. Well, it probably wasn't a coincidence, nothing about TV ever was.

‘Ooooh, gurl!’ The hidden speakers in the workroom blared to life with the sign for Gabby’s message that would contain a hint about the upcoming elimination challenge. ‘You’ve got she-male!’

[onelastbreath-writes]

On Bruce And Texting:

Author’s Note: Hello and welcome, this is my first properly written fic, originally posted to my AO3, and now that I have finally created a writing blog, it’s here as well. Please enjoy!!  AO3.  Masterlist

Warnings: Hopefully none, its all cute and fluff <3

Summary: Bruce Wayne texts like he's sending correspondences to the Queen, so of course the little monsters he calls children just have to make fun of him! Brats, the lot of them, but he wouldn't have them any other way.

Features: Bruce Wayne/Selina Kyle, all the bats and birds, mentions JL, no crime fighting, only family fluff, jokes and nods to Millennial and GenZ shenanigans.

Word Count: 2.7k

---

Billionaire, genius, tech expert, father of many children, and all around up-to-date-with-just-about-everything type of person he may be, it is also a well-known Fact that Bruce Wayne, the Batman(TM) himself, can’t text to save his life.

Whether it’s due to his Very Proper English Upbringing, his inability to be informal via written correspondences of any type, his indifference, or the fact that it bothers his children so much, Bruce Wayne has not and never will text with anything less than perfect grammar, spelling, and formality. If he has not sent you a proper letter (featuring a dedication, indentation for every paragraph, signature, and post-script when applicable), he did, in fact, not send you that text. Informality is not his Batman Way(TM) according to his children... he’s not too sure what that even means, but it makes his young ones laugh so it’s probably fine?  

His oldest children (Richard and Jason) were raised in the time of Change, where computers, internet access, social media, and all things similar were only just being introduced into households en-masse. They were young enough to remember a time without such devices and connectivity (both for very different reasons, of course, but they grew up without the newest technology none-the-less). They could understand his relationship to the digital environment more so than his younger children, but they still tended to poke fun at his ‘texting blunders’ regularly. All his kids somehow ended up as brats. He doesn’t know how this happened. It’s certainly not his fault. He blames the League members, and especially Clark Kent, for their defiant personalities. 

His younger children, whom he loves dearly, like to confuse him as much as they possibly can with their slang, egregious spelling errors, and all-around ‘internet humour’. He doesn’t know what ‘wig’ or ‘worm’ or ‘oof’ or anything means. He has no idea what those dances are, or how they relate to the music that seems to always accompany them, and for the love of all that is good, don’t ask him what he thinks of this or that ‘meme’. What even is a ‘meme’, and should he be more concerned about his kids being obsessed with them? He tries, oh my god, does he try to follow the children’s conversations, but they somehow all learned a language he has no idea how to decrypt. His best response to them once they start speaking in tongues is as follows: smile but not too much, listen to child even though he is deeply confused, and pat child on head or shoulder when they are finished and are looking for assurance.  

He refuses to be a parent who ignores or tunes out his children, so he always makes sure to put down his work, his crossword, his tools, or whatever else is in his hands when a child searches him out for a conversation. But somehow, despite all the time he spends around them and their strange words, when he gets text from them comprised of abbreviations, acronyms, and completely random words, he goes a little cross eyed. He would never tell anyone, but he keeps a running list on his phone about the things they say that he has had to translate in the past. Spilling tea? Speaking the truth, usually to do with gossip. Wow? Multiple possible meanings: either a video game, or someone saying it (different pronunciation depending on context and who sent the text). Stickbug? A nice little prank with no ulterior motives, just for fun. Something along the lines of “this basic bitch Karen at the grocery store who is a dirty rat-licker and is def an anti-vaxxer just took 45 (forty-five) minutes to decide she didn’t actually want that almond milk. I Stan the cashier who had to put up with her. Rad af dude.” roughly translates to “A rude, middle-aged white woman who wasn’t wearing a mask and doesn’t believe in disease control or vaccinating her children wasted a great deal of an essential worker’s time in the checkout line. The cashier was very professional in their dealings with said customer and should be commended on their actions.”  

Given enough time, the internet for searching up new slang words, and occasionally some help from a friend (Alfred, Selina, Lucius, another of his children, etc), Bruce could decode and respond appropriately to most texts. He was quite proud of these achievements, and although he didn’t always like how often his children were on their phones or computers or gaming systems, he was quite proud of how integrated and easily they adapted to the ever-evolving world of electronics. All his kids were gifted in many ways, but their ability to learn, their hunger for knowledge, and their perseverance when exploring new and challenging ideas were always the things that he was most impressed by.  

He could do without their comments though. Yes, surprisingly, he did manage to get girlfriends with his type of texting. No, he doesn’t miss the ‘good old days’ when telegraphs were the main form of long-distance correspondence (how old do these brats think he is?!). And yes, he does know what a “tweet” is, and how to “post” on his social media accounts, and what “sliding into your DMs” is (thanks to a frantic search after a WE employee mentioned it near him). The Wayne children, truly whom and what Bruce considers his pride and joy, are cruel little jerks to him sometimes. His hoard of parenting books fails to mention what one should do when their children gang up on them. Bullying is covered of course, but he can’t really talk to a teacher or his guardian about how his second son calls him an idiot sandwich, or that his third son regularly tries to get him to do something “For The Vine”. His oldest and youngest boys are only slightly better in the bullying him department; Richard and his puppy dog eyes when he wants to do something dangerous or not-Alfred-approved, and Damian and his growing collection of pets because “Mother never let me have them, and I am deprived, and don’t you love me Father?”.  

His only good child is his beautiful daughter Cassandra, the flower of the Wayne clan. She gives him hugs, and pats his hands, and can sit with him and just enjoy the quiet and stillness when his other children are not around. Her language skills are improving by leaps and bounds every day, and her heart and spirit are unparalleled, but her main method of communication is in her movements. Her hands, her posture, her dancing; Bruce couldn’t think of a more graceful, fluid, powerful person if the world depended on it. His amazing little girl doesn't bully him (and if she ever does, he probably deserves it, he trusts her), so he turns to her most of all when it comes to communicating with someone else. She doesn’t let him send anything that is “sketchy” or “wrong words, bad meaning, Dad”. He would give the world to his children, but for Cassandra, he would destroy it and build her an entirely new one.

Social media, especially with his terrible children all having accounts dedicated to making him look like a simpleton, was another rocky terrain he had to navigate on the regular. He had professionals in place at WE to run the company’s many accounts, paid top dollar to help appeal and relate to the masses, but he mostly had to manage his personal accounts himself. And so, @TheRealBruceWayne was one of the greatest struggles in his adult life. Why can’t he just retweet every post from @WE_Offical and leave it at that? People should only want to know about what’s new with the company. What do you mean they want to know more about our family and private lives? That’s unnecessary, and not important to the running of the company, right? Right? Why are you laughing?!

Luckily, most people in his life aren’t so intimately aware of his struggles. He can act and lie all he wants about being “hip” and “woke” and whatever else the kids are saying these days when he’s with the JL or in board meeting intermissions, networking with his associates. The Batman knows all and sees all, Green Lantern, of course he understands how “Tiktok” works. The Batman is a robot without a funny bone in his body, Green Arrow, but I did witness him sigh and say “same” when he knocked his cup of coffee over while on monitor duty once. No matter how badly his darling children call him out, the Justice League would be so much worse. So, it’s one of his most importantly guarded secrets... even more so than his secret identity at this point. Being unmasked in front of every Gotham rogue would be less detrimental to him than his “friends” learning of his utter ineptitude in staying on top of the younger generations’ lingo.  

When questioned why the League doesn’t have a group chat or a forum or anything that they can use to contact each other outside of world ending matters and communicator (”because we’re friends, Batman! Ma and Pa Kent would love to have everyone over for a barbecue!”), the person who dared even mention texting isn’t even given a verbal response. They are just glared at, silently, often for several uninterrupted minutes, frozen in place only able to breathe shallowly in fear of setting off the Bat. “You know why” his glare says, “I’ll eat you, your family, and everything you have ever held dear” the younger members hear. No one makes the mistake of asking about it twice.  

Outside of his children and Alfred, and his small circle of true friends involved in all aspects of his life, there is only one more person Bruce allows to know of his Darkest Secret. Selina. Someone most people would recommend he not be involved with. Catwoman: accomplished thief, distraction, chaos-incarnate most nights, and his significant other. Sharp as a whip (ha) and crafty like no one’s business; he is head-over-heels. On again/Off again and all over the place their long romance has been, but no one has ever challenged him, intrigued him, like this clever, beautiful, amazing woman has. He’s brought his partners around his children before, both for their judgement, and for their worst behaviours to vet out any “unworthy” suitors. He trusts them explicitly to tell him the truth about those he allows into the manor; were they rude about Bruce wanting to have group outings, did they say something about Bruce’s money, did they get angry or shout or make anyone uncomfortable while they were here? If his children even looked slightly unhappy with someone he brought them to meet, that person would not be invited back. Children, he finds, have the best sight when meeting people; no motives other than finding safety and love, no fear of consequences from speaking honestly...  

Selina, or Catwoman, as they had known her first, was someone all of his kids liked without issue right off the bat. She would make puns and play word games with Richard, his first Robin, tiny, still working on his English, able to connect with him over their acrobatic abilities. His second Robin, Jason, skittish and feisty as an alley cat, knew of Catwoman and her daring escapades long before Bruce found him. The young boy had a few heroes, and no one (not even Wonder Woman) could compare to the incredible burglar who bought food and jackets and medicine for the street kids in Crime Alley. She was saintly in his eyes, and to this day, Bruce was still working on convincing Jason he was good enough for Selina. Tim and Cass and Stephanie (basically another daughter to Bruce, she spends so much time with the family) all joined the Wayne clan around the same time and officially met Selina as a friend and partner of his, and in the good graces of his first two sons. Selina, in all her nightly business, and many travels and acquaintances, had met the three independently, helping Tim get home safely back to Drake Manor when he escaped to photograph Batman and Robin in the dank darkness of Gotham when he was just a young boy, spending some time with Cassandra when her despicable father left her alone long enough to recover from his rough treatment, showing her the first scraps of kindness in her short life, and watching over and protecting Stephanie as she followed and sabotaged her father Cluemaster and his criminal activities. There was no need to win them over once they met her civilian identity, she had already gained their favour and acceptance, and they were happy to have her near their new family. Damian, his youngest, his biological son, took the longest to warm up to Selina. He would never fault his little boy for fighting so hard against a woman that was not his birth mother, especially after all the manipulation and cruelty dealt to him by Talia for the first decade of his life. But as he began to learn about his father, these people in his father’s life, and this woman that was Not His Mother but “still okay, I guess”, he grew to see her as acceptable. Her cats definitely helped, he’d say, no one with cats that loyal and happy can be a bad person.  

Selina, the love of his life, he’d admit quietly to himself, was also a dirty traitor and in cahoots with his terrible children. She would say his texting skills were “sweet” and “very gentlemanly” when she was asked by anyone outside the family, and privately to him she would say she thought they were “adorable” and “please don’t ever change, Bruce, I like it.” However, nothing seemed to bring her more joy than his children sending her texts and “Snaps” and “memes” about him to her. Sometimes it was screenshots of the family group chat that they forced him to join, where he would post “To whom it may concern...” and “In regards to...” when he needed to reach all his delinquents in a timely manner. Sometimes it was video clips of him staring at his phone intently, then typing something on his laptop, then him reading and nodding along, and then finally going back and responding to the text he received with a small, pleased smile. And sometimes, when he got too injured or was too incapacitated to text coherently, he’d have his nearest able child transcribe his text to her. Depending on who was texting her for Bruce, she could expect many different things. From Dick, she’d get lots of shorthand and silly emojis, and many, many, winky and crying/laughing faces in brackets depending on what Bruce had made him type. Jason, bless him, used proper English most of the time, but would never write a single word of Bruce’s soliloquy to her, instead she enjoyed the TL;DR version: “hurt again, missing you, come home soon, blah blah blah, sappy gross words here, love you”. Tim would allow speech recognition to run on Bruce’s phone, and just let it go until the man passed out. Stephanie, the little chaos child, would film it and send it to her, including all her muffled laughter and shaky camera shots of Bruce emoting with his available undamaged limbs. Cass, still more versed in physicality and emotive movement, would interpret Bruce’s text into mostly emojis, hearts and happy faces and animals, but would include photos, and phrases that she found important enough to type out for Selina. Damian, forever his Father’s son in any way possible, texts very formally, referring to her or his siblings Bruce mentions by last name only, and lots of “Father requests me to tell you...” and “Kyle, know that Father...”. She adores these kids, and once Bruce recovers enough to text her himself, or she gets back to the Manor, they get to laugh about whatever she was sent this time.  

So, while it’s true that Bruce couldn’t text his way out of a wet paper bag, and his kids are sometimes brats about it, there’s probably a lot of different reasons he doesn’t spend too much time trying to improve his skills. Whether it’s the smiles of his children, the giggles of his significant other, or the warm feeling in his chest when he sees all his important people bonding over him, well, in the end, who’s to say?

[aidenhollow]

( KAT MCNAMARA, CIS-FEMALE) - Have you seen AIDEN EVELYN HOLLOWAY? EVIE is in her SENIOR year. The Journalism Major is 24 years old & is a SCORPIO. People say SHE is CARING, COMPASSIONATE, JEALOUS and SARCASTIC. Rumors say they’re a member of WINTHROP SOCIETY. I heard from the gossip blog that EVIE has a two-year old daughter that is back home with her parents and she hasn’t told the dad about the child. She makes money by being a burlesque dancer .  (KT. 21+. PST. She/her.)

Hello! My name is KT, Im 28 and currently awaiting a transplant! Im pretty chill, whenever Im at appointments or anything, Im always lurking on mobile and I also have discord! Which will be a better way of getting a hold of me, because I don’t ever log off out of that thing. Uhmmm, Im getting ready to get a bone marrow transplant but I have my computer with me and will bring it to the hospital once I go in. Also, feel free to message me and hit me up for plots! Here a few things on Aiden <3

Bio:

Aiden Evelyn Holloway was born to Jackie and Hank Holloway, making her the youngest child and made her younger than her twin brother, Adam by five minutes. Their older three brothers Jack, Kinsley and Felix were excited to have a pair of twins in the family.  You can say that the Holloway house was filled with laughter, crying, screaming, cursing and they got hurt a lot. Aiden and Felix were known to be double trouble when they were younger, since Felix was the youngest boy and Aiden was the youngest, the two of them bonded rather quickly. They would chase each other in the yard, while Jack and Adam worked on their cars in the garage while Kinsley worked on his motorcycle and the two youngest sometimes would climb their parent’s apple tree. In which, resulted Aiden getting her hand split opened and the four boys rushed their sister to the hospital, where their mom found out that they were climbing the tree after her and her husband told them not to. All of them ended up grounded, the three oldest brothers had to take the youngest ones to school and picked them up from their after-school activities and had to come straight home.

DEATH TW

You can say that the Holloway family had the perfect life, until one rainy night where their father was coming home from his office when a truck rear-ended his car. Jackie was working twelve nights straight that night and had to see her husband on a stretcher. Throughout the night, they didn’t know if he was going to be able to make it.  That December, they had to bury their father, and nothing was the same again. Aiden noticed that her mom worked overtime a lot more, her older brothers picked up other jobs and her double trouble buddy ended up distant and cold. She knew that Adam was struggling, she was struggling herself. As she grew up, Aiden often turned towards superheroes, skateboarding and anything that would catch her attention more than five seconds.

DRUGS, DEATH TW

About three years after Hank’s death, Aiden started to notice that her mother would wear makeup and bring a duffel bag to work. She started to follow her with her bike, until she saw that her mother was going on secret dates and seeing someone new. She sped home and told her twin brother about what she had seen, and j was asleep in front of the tv. She would go onto the roof to look at the stars, hoping that they would some kind of answers and then she would go on a search for a party, knowing that she can get score some drugs and alcohol. Nothing would help her cope with the loss of her dad, but that didn’t mean she gave up trying. She met a guy named Roman, who you can say is the “bad boy” of the school and had been living with his grandmother. She wouldn’t say it was love at first sight, it was more of a toxic relationship and she was addicted to it. They would often fight for two days and make up like they never said hateful words to each other. However, that all stopped when Aiden spotted Roman with another woman and turned out that he was also dating the girl. So, that kind of made her straighten up a bit, along with her brothers holding an intervention for her to get help to cope with their father’s death.

PREGNANCY TW

Two years later, Aiden graduated from high school with a GPA of 4.0 and full ride (Thanks to George for helping her out a bit) to Yates. Aiden didn’t want to leave without her twin, so she asked Adam to tag along and he got accepted into University of Vermont-Johnson, that way she wouldn’t get home sick. Aiden also got accepted into the Winthrop Society, where she felt that she belonged and called home for the next four or five years. However, one thing that Aiden didn’t plan for, was having a daughter at twenty-one. One night, during a heavy make out session in the parking lot of the Sugar Shack, a burlesque club where she was working, she snuck away with some guy after her shift and ended up having a one night stand. She quickly slipped out of his car when she noticed that he was on the phone and headed straight to her car, with her clothes in her hands. Fast forward nine months later, she welcomed a beautiful baby girl named Odette Evelyn Holloway and promised that she was going to give her a great childhood like she had when she was younger. She never contacted the father, since she doesn’t remember the name and figured that it would be a waste anyway, she accepted that she would be a single mother and knew that she could do it. Especially with the help of her brothers and friends. However, she knows that Yates has a reputation to uphold, she made a deal with her brothers that they act like Odette is their baby sister in public but behind closed doors and to close family & friends, she’s Aiden’s daughter.  Recently, Aiden’s been sending money to her brothers and Odette, to make sure that they’ll keep a roof over their heads while she’s studying Creative Writing. She also thought of a book idea, which can be considered as a Young Adult novel.

 WANTED CONNECTIONS:

sex money feelings dies - a one-night stand but on top of that a frequent hook up. every time they say that they won’t hook up with each other again. it’s not healthy, you both want past the relationship and let it go, but the moment y’all see each other from across the bar or at a party you just know you’ll end up in each other’s bed again. -OPEN

 i saw you in a dream - they were close. so close. thought there would never be a time they wouldn’t talk, but one thing lead to another and Aiden’s left thinking about them when it’s just her and her thoughts. without them in her life really hasn’t been the same, but is it worth getting past what happened to pick up the phone and call them?- OPEN

painkiller  - best friends forever. literally. this person knows Aiden inside out and she can’t see a day without them. they’re essentially her painkiller. She tells them everything and them back to her. they can tell if she’s feeling down just by the way she send her snapchat streaks that morning. She can’t see a day without them.- OPEN

 call your girlfriend - this one is pretty messy. one of them is in a relationship, but there’s a huge flirtationship between the muses. the flirtationship essentially becomes to both of these people attached to each other and maybe... even in love. but there’s still that relationship that’s in the way... YIKES- OPEN?

Looks a lot like a tragedy now- details will come soon <3- Miles

perfect places- party buddies but make it you guys just getting lost in the vibes because you don’t want to deal with life. it’s a good friendship. you guys get the thoughts in your head to go numb, but at a point it’s like what’s the point ?- OPEN

will add more if needed <3

Interesting Facts on Aiden:

Wears a leather jacket, along with sometimes combat boots but she’ll wear tennis shoes.

Has been working as a Burlesque dancer for three and a half years, goes by the name Cherry Bomb. Her parents doesn’t know that she’s been getting her money from there.

Has a two-year old daughter named Odette Evelyn Holloway, born on the 9th of December. She makes sure to Facetime her every night and ends up reading her favorite book to her, which she has a lot of favorite books.

Has a rough time trusting people right away because of past trauma, but has a few people who she trusts with her secret and her life.

Sometimes skateboards to classes or to her brothers’ house, learned how to skateboard back in her middle school days.

Won’t pass up the chance to put someone into their place, though she comes off timid when you first meet her. 

Has a rose tattoo on her right hip, wanting to get a sleeve on her left arm, but isn’t for sure.

Wears wigs when she’s working and covers up her tattoo with makeup. 

[mischiefandspirits]

Iron Legion (7/?)

Never let it be said that Tony Stark ever does things by half. He might have grown up with little family, but he wasn’t about to keep it that way.

Tony Stark was seventeen when his first child was born, and that was just the beginning.

For Masterpost, AO3, and Fanfiction

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Daddy's Home

Tony Stark was thirty-four when Iron Man was born.

Tony smiled as a chorus of voices answered his call. “Hey, kids, you all having fun in the country music state?”

“Have you been having fun?” Nebula asks with a knowing voice and Tony hates how much her and J.A.R.V.I.S. gossip. None of his kids needed to know what he does in his bedroom when they’re not home. Or who he does.

“Daddy! Daddy look! I had Harley and Valeria cut my hair!” Teresa said, stealing the phone away for herself so she could show him her new look. “I look just like you now!”

“Yeah, Tori sent me pictures, Resa,” Tony chuckled, remembering the panic-filled text that had come with them. Honestly, the kid was eight. If she wanted her siblings to shear off her hair, who was he to care.

“I’m taking her to a barbershop tomorrow to have them clean it up,” Nebula said, grabbing the phone from her sister.

“Nebs said they’ll make me look even more like you!” Teresa shouted and he could see her hand grabbing at the phone.

“I’ll have to show you how to style it right when I get back,” Tony said, leaning back.

“Is Uncle Rhodey there?” Harley asked, jumping onto Nebula’s back.

“Get off me shrimp!” the teen huffed, shoving him off, but not before losing the phone to her brother.

“Hey, I’m taller than Teresa!”

“Am not!” came Teresa’s argument.

Harley’s face appeared, far too close to the screen. “Is Uncle Rhodey there?”

“Well don’t I feel loved,” Tony pouted. “I call to talk and all I get are questions about Rhodey?”

“Yup.”

“You spend too much time with your mother. No respect.”

“Dad,” Harley whined, elongating the a.

“Nope. You can talk to him when we get back.”

That made the boy perk up. “You’ll be back in time for my birthday, right?”

“Of course! As soon as Rhodey and Dad are done playing with the new toys Rhodey’s friends are buying then we’ll be straight there.”

“Speaking of birthdays, what did you get Aunt Pepper for hers?” Nebula asked, shoving Harley’s face away and giving her father a knowing look.

“No idea, but I hear it was nice.”

“Daddy forgot again,” Teresa giggled and then all three of them were laughing at him.

“This is why Jay’s my favorite.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

“What are you all doing up? ” came Tori’s voice.

“Uh oh, someone’s in trouble,” Tony said.

“Yeah, you.” She took the phone and gave him a glare. “Do you know what time it is here?”

“Late?” Tony offered.

“Very. Kids, say goodbye to your father.”

“Bye, Daddy! Love you!” Teresa yelled while her brother shouted, “Bye, Dad. Tell Uncle Rhodey I said you guys need to hurry back!”

“I don’t have a bedtime,” Nebula pointed out.

“You do here,” Tori said, handing her the phone.

“I’m not a child,” Nebula huffed before turning to Tony. “Goodnight, Father.”

“Night, Nebula. Try not to drive Tornado too insane with your teenage angst schtick. That’s my job.”

Nebula snorted and shook her head. “Be safe.”

“Don’t worry. We’re just showing off the Jerico to the brass.”

“Tony!”

“Looks like we’re landing. I’ll call you when we’re headed home. Love you!”

“Love you too.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Got a family?”

“Yes, and I will see them when I leave here. And you, Stark?”

A man with a heart of gold that had somehow managed to put up with Tony’s nonsense since they were teenagers. A bodyguard who put up a grumpy act, despite being rather soft. A woman that embodied the term mother bear. A fiery redhead that happily put him in his place. An alien who had recently taken to wearing a silvery-blue pixie cut wig and had hacked her mask so she could add dark makeup to the disguise. A pair of bots that were always in the way and never listened. A snippy UI that refuses to call him anything but Sir. A little girl that left LEGOs all across the house and wanted to be just like her daddy. A boy who was just as contrary as his mother. A little girl who wasn’t his, but that only meant he got to be the fun uncle instead of a responsible parent for once.

A whole group of people he would do anything to protect.

“Nothing.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“How are the kids?” Tony asked as soon as they’d left the base.

“They’re thrilled to know you’re back. None of them really handled your disappearance well. We kept them at Tori’s since Obidiah’s come sniffing around your house a few times. I kept him out since you hadn’t been declared dead, but we didn’t want to risk him finding them alone. Teresa and Nebula will be here tomorrow. It would have been sooner, but as I thought you would be in the hospital, I figured it would be better to wait,” Pepper said, her voice sharp at the end.

“I wanna talk to them.”

This, at least, Pepper didn’t argue.

“Keener residence,” a male voice answered.

“Hey, Richards. Where’s your cousin?”

“Shit, Stark, you really are still alive?”

“Nice to hear from you too.”

“Who is it?” Tori asked, voice distant.

“Stark.”

“What the- Give me that!” There was a shuffling sound then Tori’s voice came through clearer. “Tony, thank God you’re alright! How are you? I thought Pepper said they were taking you to the hospital.”

“She lied. I’m fine. I want to talk to the kids.”

“Of course. Harley’s at school right now, but the others are here. Frank, get the kids, please.”

“Cousin cowboy come over to complain about me again?” Tony asked, tucking the phone between his shoulder and cheek so he could adjust his arm into a more comfortable position in the sling.

“Oh shut up. You know Frank likes you, he just…”

“Thinks I should have married you instead of that trash you won’t let me track down.”

“You both need to let that go. I just want to forget about him.”

“But if we do that then Franky and I won’t have anything in common. It’s the only thing we agree on.”

“Why Mr. Stark, was that a proposal?” Tori sighed, exaggerating her accent.

Tony held the phone out to Pepper. “Give that back to me when the kids get on the line. I shouldn’t be dealing with this kind of emotional trauma after what I just went through!”

She ignored him, continuing to work on her phone to set up the requested press conference.

He put the phone back to his ear. “I thought I asked for my kids.”

“They’re coming. Frank had to go fetch them from the barn. Harley and Teresa have turned it into their personal workshop so Nebula and her have been using it for school time. It’s got the best internet speeds on the property. Hell, probably the best in the county.”

“I’m so proud,” Tony said, and he definitely wasn’t tearing up.

A loud crash sounded from over the phone, accompanied by, “DADDY!”

“Teresa, hold on and -” Tori cut off with a yelp.

“Daddy!” Teresa yelled right in his ear before continuing in a softer voice littered with sobs. “Daddy! Are you okay? Aunt Pepper said the bad guys took you and the news kept saying you were probably dead, but Aunt Tori said you were too stubborn to die and Nebs and Jay couldn’t find anything even when they hacked into Uncle Rhodey’s work computers and -”

“Woah, hey, Resa, it’s okay, baby girl. I’m alright. I’m here,” he said calmly, putting aside the fact that his daughter and AI apparently hacked into likely classified military files for the moment. “I’m okay. I’m with Aunt Pepper and Uncle Happy right now. We’re going to go talk to those mean news people right now.”

“I thought Aunt Pepper said you were going to the hospital,” Nebula said with an annoyed growl.

“Stark, you better be on the way to a hospital right now!” Tori snapped.

“Resa, did you turn daddy on speakerphone?” he groaned, letting his head fall back.

“I thought you would want to talk to Nebs too, sorry.”

“Stark, if I call Pepper, she better tell me that you are either in perfect health or headed to the hospital.”

“I don’t need a hospital,” Tony said and Pepper looked up at him to give him a look before turning back to her work.

“J.A.R.V.I.S. and I saw your medical files,” Nebula cut in.

“Good, then you know the Air Force guys already fussed over me. Also, you two need to stop hacking the government.”

“Like you’re one to talk,” Tori snorted. “Who do you think taught them behavior like that?”

“Go to the hospital, Father. You are -”

“I’m fine. All I need is a cheeseburger.”

“I’m calling Pepper.”

Tony rolled his eyes and turned on the speakerphone. “Pepper, Tor-Tor wants to talk to you.”

“I tried,” she said before Tori could speak. “He refuses to do anything before getting a cheeseburger and holding a press conference.”

“Take him to the hospital after.”

“I’m fine! Can any of you hear me or am I talking to myself?”

“I can hear you, daddy!”

“Thanks, Resa. You’re the best!” Tony looked over to see them approaching Burger King. “Oh look, the cheeseburgers await. Nebula, Resa, I'll see you tomorrow! Give your brother my love! Love you, girls! Bye!”

“Bye, daddy! See you tomorrow! You better be there!”

“Father -”

Tony hung up the phone and handed it back to Happy.

A few minutes later Pepper smiled and showed him a text she had received.

⭐️Nebula⭐️:  J.A.R.V.I.S is calling up the doc. If he wants to act like a child, we’ll get him a pediatrician.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So this is what you call fine?” Georgia sighed, staring at the thing embedded into Dr. Stark’s chest.

“No, this is what I call an antique.” He held up a device that looked the same. “This is an upgrade. I need some help putting it in. Since you’re here anyways…”

She crossed her arms. “You know that’s not why I’m here. I read the files Nebula sent me -”

“Yeah, yeah, send me the diet plan or have Pepper pick up the meds or whatever you all seem to think I need despite the fact I’ve said I’m fine over a hundred times. Now, can we do this? The kids will be here in an hour and I’d rather not have an empty hole in my chest when they get here.”

“I’m not that type of doctor.”

“Well, my hands are too big and I think Pepper might pass out if I ask her.”

“I might,” Pepper agreed, looking pale at the idea from where she was standing next to the door to the workshop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Mom says you’ve got a battery in your chest! Can I get one too?”

“Why hello Harls. Yes, I missed you too. Sorry for missing your birthday. I love you so much.”

“Mom said you were fine. And if you’re really sorry, you’d put a battery in my chest.”

“I was kidnapped,” Tony said, and yeah that was probably not something to tell an eight-year-old, but Harley was tough and it wasn’t like he was going to bring up the torture. “Why do you even want a battery in your chest?”

“To charge things.”

“Yeah, ask your mother.”

“That’s what you say when the answer’s no, but you don’t want to be the one to tell me.”

“But if you know that, then that means I am telling you no.”

“Come on, isn’t it your job as an absentee father to spoil me?”

“Key word is absentee, meaning not there, which means no, an absentee father’s job is to not be in their child’s life at all. I’m in your life, so not an absentee father.”

“You know what I meant!”

“And you know what I meant when I told you to ask your mother. So how’s school going?”

“How’s the business going?”

“Fair enough. Want to play that online racing game you like?”

“You’re on!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Daddy!”

Tony groaned and brushed fire retardant off his face so he could look up at his daughter. “Hey, sweetheart, what are you doing in here? You know to stay behind the glass when I’m testing things.”

“You hit a wall,” she said blankly. She reached her hand over and started feeling around his head. “I have to check for bumps.”

“I’m fine,” he sighed, but didn’t fight it. He knew if he did then she’d hold it against him the next time his clumsy girl fell and he needed to check her over.

Once she was done, she stepped back and tilted her head. “Why did Dum-E spray you with the foam? Did you catch fire again?”

“No, Dum-E is being silly.”

She crossed her arms and turned to Dum-E. “Don’t waste the extinguisher,” she reprimanded, slowly pronouncing the word extinguisher.

The bot’s arm fell as he gave a sad beep.

U rolled up, showing the camera they were still holding to their favorite sibling.

She smiled and patted their claw. “Good job, U.”

Smiling at his kids’ antics, he stood up and started wiping off the rest of the foam. “Alright, next time we need to start at a lower power. And stabilizers. Those would help.”

“What are you making?” Teresa asked, leaning over to look at the boots.

“Special secret project. Don’t tell Pepper.”

She nodded without question.

Why couldn’t all his children be so well behaved?

“Can I help?” she asked, bouncing.

He shrugged. “Sure. You and Jay can run some numbers while I work on the next piece.” Most of the equations would be over her head, but J.A.R.V.I.S. would give her a few that were her level and a few above for practice. The workshop was the best place to learn, in his opinion.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Careful, careful, and touchdown,” Tony cheered as he landed in the workshop.

“Very good, Sir.”

“Can I get one?”

He turned to see his daughters, the younger sitting on the back of the couch while the older was leaning against it. Teresa waved, her legs swinging, and Nebula studied him, her head tilted in that way it did when she was talking to J.A.R.V.I.S.

He lifted the faceplate and frowned at them. “What are you two doing in here? You know you’re not allowed in the workshop while I’m not here. Do the rules not mean anything anymore? Did Jay let you in?”

Nebula pointed a blue thumb at the missing glass wall.

“Right.”

“Daddy!” Teresa chirped, hoping down and running up to him. “You look so cool!”

“Thanks, Sunray. Now step back so daddy can change.”

She eagerly did so, gasping when the arms rose up to remove the suit.

Nebula walked around to face him, crossing her arms. “I thought Stark Industries was out of the military business.”

“We are. I was just… doing a bit of cleaning up.”

She hummed, but didn’t say anything and he caught her staring at the blast-mark on the faceplate.

“Nebula -”

“I want one of those,” she said, pointing at the repulsor on one of his gauntlets.

“Why?”

“Why not?”

The two stared each other down before Tony sighed. “We’ll see.”

One of the arms tugged a little too roughly on his leg.

“Careful!”

“Apologies.”

“Hey! Ow!” Tony said, giving a yelp.

“Ooh. It is a tight fit, Sir.”

He let out a hiss, pulling away from the one yanking on his arm. He saw Teresa take a step towards him, but Nebula stopped her.

“Sir, the more you struggle, the more this is going to hurt.”

Tony considered making a joke, but thought better of it when he remembered Teresa.

“I designed this to come off, so- Ow! Hey!”

“Please, try not to move, Sir.”

“What's going on here?”

The three turned to see Pepper standing just inside the workshop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nebula frowned when her music suddenly cut off. She tapped her head with a frown. “J.A.R.V.I.S., what’s going on?”

There was no response.

She tried to reach out to the intranet, but only received static. She narrowed her eyes and quietly slipped off her bed. The only reason the intranet would be down is if someone was using something to disrupt the signal.

She slipped her mask on and activated it so she could see, but didn’t bring up the disguise. She snuck out of her room and to Teresa’s door. When she opened it, her sister was curled up, half asleep.

“Nebs?” she yawned. “I’m s’eeping.”

“J.A.R.V.I.S. isn’t responding. Go into your closet and seal the door. Take your phone.”

Her eyes widened and she stumbled out of bed. “Daddy?”

“I’ll find him. Just go.”

She bit her lip, but nodded and grabbed her phone off her nightstand. Nebula waited until she heard the locks in the closet door engage before continuing down the hall. Her father’s room was empty so she headed into the living room.

“I wish you could've seen my prototype.”

Nebula frowned at the voice that was both familiar and not. She knew of Obidiah Stane, but they’d never met and she had never planned to do so. She wasn’t fond of how he tried to control Father’s life, to say the least, and she certainly understood Father's reasoning to keep her and her siblings a secret from the man.

“It's not as, uh — Well, not as conservative as yours.”

She peeked around the corner and her fists clenched.

Stane sat on the couch next to her father, one man with a briefcase on his lap and the other with a whole in his chest.

She had never wanted to put her assassin training to use on Terra before.

This man changed that, with his next words only increasing that urge.

“Too bad you had to involve Pepper in this. I would have preferred that she lived.”

Her arm let out a series of clicks as it shifted to reveal the repulsor Father had placed inside it “for emergencies only.”

She stepped out as the man walked away from Father and took a shot. Unfortunately, she wasn’t expecting the recoil and the shot flew high, just missing the man’s head.

“That was a warning shot,” she bluffed, taking aim again. “On your knees and I might not tear you to pieces.”

Stane stared at her with shook. “Well now, Tony. It seems you’ve been hiding more than I thought. And what does he call you? You’re certainly a step up from those rust buckets he insists on keeping downstairs.”

“On your knees.”

“I don’t think so.” He pulled a gun out from behind him and she froze as he pointed it at her father. “You lot have one thing in common, you won’t let any harm come to your creator. That bit of his neediness always comes through. It’s pathetic.”

Her fingers twitched to wrap around the man’s neck, but she let the repulsor tuck away and dropped her arm. “You will die for this,” she growled. “Enjoy what little life you have left.”

“I think you should be more worried about what little life he has left.” Stane slowly made his way out of the room, keeping the gun pointed at Father the whole way.

When he slipped out the door, she ached to take chase. She resisted though, rushing to her father’s side. Her hands hovered over the place the arch reactor was meant to be uncertainly. “What do I do? How do I help you? I don’t…” She looked around for the reactor before realizing Stane must have taken it with him. She reached for her arm. “Will the mini reactor work?”

“Nnn,” he slurred. “D’ns’s.”

“What did he do to you?” she hissed. He shouldn’t be this out of it this quickly just from having the reactor removed.

Carefully she picked him up and carried him down to the workshop. Immediately U and Dum-E were at her side, beeping frantically. With the intranet still disabled, though, she couldn’t understand them.

“Stane attacked Father. He removed the reactor. We need to figure out how to help him.”

U went to a bench to clean it off for her, but Dum-E went crazy, spinning around and chirping before darting away. Ignoring her brother, she went to the bench and gently set him down.

Suddenly Dum-E was at her side, shoving a glass case in her face.

“Stop it, you -” She cut off as she realized what was in the case: her father’s original reactor that Dr. Jenkins had removed with the words Proof Tony Stark has a heart carved around the rim. She laughed and pressed her forehead to her brother’s claw before smashing the glass between her hands.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’m coming with you!”

“No, you’re not.”

“He attacked you!”

“Which is why you’re staying here. Protect your siblings.”

“But -”

“Take care of Teresa. Rhodey, keep the skies clear.”

“Father!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“The truth is… I am Iron Man.”

Teresa didn’t hear Nebula groan on the other couch or Harley start yelling on the phone. As the reporters on the tv started shouting, all he could do was stare wide-eyed at his father with pride.

[demiiharperr]

Things That Bother Me About Gossip Girl

Chuck Bass’ hair in the first season

Jenny Humphrey repeatedly trying to stir up trouble & be a bitch

Serena’s nappy hair. Has she never heard of a hairbrush?!

Nate’s lip

Rufus Humphrey’s singing/song

Serena constantly pushing her lips out and whispering when she talks

Serena and her daddy issues. Mainly her being so quick to pin Rufus as the bad guy.

Little J losing her virginity to Chuck and then pinning him as a bag guy.

Jenny’s disgusting goth makeup.

Eric’s blonde striped hair

Lily running to her ex husband for help instead of just going to ANY OTHER DOCTOR ON THE PLANET

The poor acting during Dorota’s labor

Serena’s disgusting hair. It’s so bad I had to say it twice

Serena repeatedly being handed EVERYTHING. She gets trashed, fucks her best friends boyfriend, leaves a man to overdose and is still offered everything she doesn’t deserve.

Eleanor stealing a teenagers work.

Harriet The Spy (aka Georgina) being a villain. My childhood is ruined

Those alleyway assholes shooting Chuck. This is like The O.C. all over again. My heart can’t handle it.

Speaking of Chuck... Chuck constantly reminding people he’s “Chuck Bass”

These high school teenagers dating adults & nobody being bothered by that. But, as soon as Dan has interest in a teacher then we’re shook?

Elizabeth never coming back to tell Chuck she actually IS his mother

Come to think of it — the whole flip flopping of Chuck’s mom was frustrating

Chuck’s uncle Jack being so willing to hand over the hotel all of a sudden was pretty weird too

Rufus not getting Jenny some serious help

Agnes drugging Jenny!!! That girl needs to get locked away

The way that all of these children talk to their parents. They’re so disrespectful. Which is typical for teenagers. But, these parents just enable the behavior.

The on again off again relationship of Dan & Georgina

Vanessa. enough said.

Dan not INSTANTLY getting a paternity test

Prince Louis. again, enough said.

Blair & Chuck not seeing that they’re always going to come back to each other.

Lily being so easily swooned by anyone who is NOT her husband.

Georgina outing Eric. Soooo fucked up

Never hearing from Jenny & Dan’s mom again after her few appearances.

Chuck inheriting a business at 18. TF?!?!

Rufus’ tattoos

Chuck going from suits & ties — to being shot — to villager WORKING in Paris!!

Serena thinking she can take over as Queen. B may not have always been Queen, but, the title suits her so much better than S.

Juliet’s scheming ass. ughh!

The whole storyline of Georgina, Milo, & Russian murderers.

Eva being waaaaayyyy too good for any of these Upper East Side snobs and not running for the hills after Blair was a complete bitch to her. GIRL— RUNNNN!!!

Dan being so obviously more attracted to Vanessa during his threesome with her & Olivia. HOW DUMB COULD YOU BE?!?!

Dan being so cold about Georgina taking Milo. The way he spoke about Milo during his “Intervention of Emotions” was foul

The Humphrey Loft. It seems not secure AT ALL!! There’s a gap between the two front doors & I just feel like it’s probably the easiest place to break into.

I know I’ve already mentioned Serena’s hair but, I don’t understand how she can go to all of these elite events with these unkept hairstyles. In Season 4 Episode 4, the one time she straightened and brushed her hair, she slapped on some disgusting braid on the front of her head.

I know I’ve also already mentioned Vanessa but, can we talk about how much older she looks than everybody else her age?!

Blair wearing shorts to an NYU party. I almost died.

Blair’s knitted beret she wore in Paris. Soooo not “Blair Waldorf”.

Hilary Duff’s acting. It’s just not good. I love Hilary but, her acting hasn’t progressed since Lizzie Mcguire.

WHAT KIND OF PRISON IS BEN IN THAT HE HAS ACCESS TO LITERALLY EVERYTHING!! Is it even prison at this point?! I know people are able to sneak things but CMON!!!!

Gossip Girl getting sloppy with the posts

Going seasons and seasons and seasons of not a single person ever attempting to find out who Gossip Girl even is. That’d be the first thing I did if somebody was posting about me. Is this not borderline stalking?!

Rufus’ tan.

Literally EVERYTIME Jenny returned back to the show. Her character was one of the worst ones.

There’s a scene in Season 4 Episode 11, where you see a framed picture of Lily WEARING THE SAME EXACT THING SHES WEARING IN THE SCENE! The lack of creativity was weak with this one.

Blair gets a little cheesy towards the end of season 4

Serena looooves to play the blame game. Never taking FULL responsibility for anything. Always looking for someone to take the heat off her

Blair repeatedly getting into physical altercations with people at events. For a woman who seems to pride herself in how much better she is than everyone else she tends to act very classless at social gatherings.

Charlie/Ivy inheriting ANYTHING from Cece

There ever being a storyline of Blair being pregnant only for us to know that she wasn’t meant to be with Louis. Meaning that the baby storyline would have to end. I wish they wouldn’t have had it at all. It was weak the whole way through.

Blair arriving at the airport in her Vera Wang gown and tiara not expecting to get attention from it all.

People instantly knowing who that she’s the Princess of Monaco. Not to sound ignorant or anything but, where tf is Monaco?!

Bart Bass coming back from the grave. WTF?! Not believable.

Dan growing his hair out to where he looked like he was wearing a wig he found in a back alley dumpster

Dorota’s acting. Toward the end of the show they gave her character more lines and she appeared in more and more scenes. But, her acting/her lines were incredibly cheesy.

Serena & Dan getting married in a living room with everybody just chillin on couches. I’m all for small. I’m all for simplicity. But, this was too redneck.

[cannabisrefugee-esq]

Diana, Hunter of Bus Drivers

~By Yuri Herrera ~https://www.thisamericanlife.org/diana-hunter-of-bus-drivers/

The first murder happened at 7:45 am, on August 28th, on bus route 4A. That morning, a woman hailed bus 718, climbed the steps, pulled a gun and shot the driver. The driver jumped out of the bus trying to escape but died on the sidewalk. The killer, witnesses said, was a middle-aged woman with dyed blonde hair -- or maybe it was a wig -- wearing a cap, plaid shirt and jeans. Nobody saw how she escaped. Or at least nobody would say.

The second murder happened twenty-four hours later, on the same route. A woman boarded the bus downtown and a few blocks later requested a stop. She walked towards the exit and motioned as if she were looking for the bus fare, but instead drew her gun, spat words into the driver's ear and shot him twice in the head -- then fled the scene.

One day later, a news website from El Paso called La Polaka, which specializes in covering the political gossip of Juárez, received an email:

You think that because we are women we are weak, and that may be true but only up to a point, because even though we have nobody to defend us and we have to work long hours until late into the night to earn a living for our families we can no longer be silent in the face of these acts that enrage us. We were victims of sexual violence from bus drivers working the maquila night shifts here in Juárez, and although a lot of people know about the things we've suffered, nobody defends us nor does anything to protect us. That's why I am an instrument that will take revenge for many women. For we are seen as weak, but in reality we are not. We are brave. And if we don't get respect, we will earn that respect with our own hands. We the women of Juárez are strong.

The email was signed by someone calling herself "Diana, Hunter of Bus Drivers."

This year marks the twentieth anniversary of the first disappearances of young women in Juárez. Or, at least, when people started recording these disappearances, and considering them as being related, after a 13-year-old girl was kidnapped and then found dead with signs of rape and strangulation. After that, the number of women who were killed just kept growing. It went from dozens of reported murders in a year, to hundreds. So many women it was hard to count accurately. In 2010, the number peaked: at least 304 women were murdered that year.

The circumstances of the crimes were eerily similar. One day, a girl would disappear on the way to work or on the way home, and if there was any news about her, it would be when her body was found in the desert or an abandoned lot, often with traces of rape and torture. Sometimes they were found together in mass graves.

Oscar Maynez, who worked some of these cases as a criminologist, explained to me the way the authorities became complicit in the murders: "First they denied the problem," he said. "Then they played it down, and finally, they blamed the victims' lifestyle and their families." The criminologist resigned, he says, after realizing his superiors were more interested in covering up investigations and tampering with evidence than in finding justice.

So when I heard about the case of this woman -- this Diana -- who supposedly was trying to do something by herself, I wondered, after all these years without justice, if women in Juárez would look at Diana and say, "It's about time." So I went down there, to ask them.

As you can imagine, most of the women I approached to get their opinions were reluctant to speak to a stranger about the woman who'd murdered bus drivers. "I know nothing about it," said a woman with a small child on the bus, only to fix her eyes on the back of the seat afterwards and not glance in my direction again. "I have no opinion about that," another one said before quickly entering a mall.

But also, one day, I got this answer:

"When I heard about what she did, I said, ‘How great that someone's doing what many of us should have done.'"

This was Laura, 25 years old, pregnant with her second child. When I asked her, "If you were to run into Diana on the street, what would you say to her, if you knew it was her?", she said, without a doubt, "I would congratulate her."

There is a sense among the general population that buses are a bad place to be by yourself. Just this week, a bus driver was arrested for allegedly raping a girl on her way to school.

About this, Laura said:

"I remember when I was in high school I would hear a lot about it. My friends would say to me if you're going on the route, and no one's there, take a pen with you with the point facing outward, because you never know. That's been happening for years, years. And it's the same for the ladies working in the maquilas."

There's no evidence that the bus drivers who were killed by the blonde woman had actually committed a crime at all. But Laura didn't seem concerned about that. In a city where justice rarely brings results, maybe, at some point, you settle to get the justice available to you.

Just a couple of weeks before the Diana the Hunter case, Laura's younger sister, María Alejandra, 20 years old, suffered a home invasion: a man slipped through her bedroom window in the night armed with a gun and tried to rape her. She recognized him; he lived in the neighborhood. After the man left her house, María Alejandra told her sister what happened and that she was going to report it to the police. Laura told her not to do that. What for? They knew how the police work.

"I told her not to go, not to expose herself," Laura told me. "Because they would ask questions and check her. I think between the police they've created a sort of code. So you basically are putting yourself out there to suffer one humiliation after another."

"My father was with us. He wanted to go kill him. And my husband too. And me too. I said I'll kill him. I said I'll go. And I'll kill him. Since we know who it is, we're gonna go and do it with our own hands."

But despite Laura's pleading, María Alejandra, after talking to her friends, decided to go to the police anyway. And things went down exactly as Laura predicted. Even though the doctors had said that there was evidence of sexual assault, she says the police questioned her as if she was making it all up. Why didn't she have bruises? What took her so long to report the intrusion? "I would have to almost be dying for them to investigate," María Alejandra says they told her.

Laura was angry. Now the opportunity for revenge was gone. "I said to her I told you we should have done something before. Because now if we took action, they would know who did it. Because that's how justice works here. The victims are the ones that are in jail."

In 2001, police did apprehend a bus driver: Victor Garcia Uribe. He was arrested with a colleague and accused of murdering eight women who were left in an old cotton field. He denied any involvement in the killings, but the police kept questioning him. Finally, after long hours of interrogation, he confessed to taking part in those murders and in the murders of three other women. Yes, he said, he enjoyed killing them; yes, he said, they did it under the influence of marijuana, cocaine and alcohol; yes, they loved to rape them, and kill them, and then they would throw them afterwards in an empty field.

But two days later, in court, Garcia Uribe did a complete 180. Again, he denied that he was involved in the murders. He said he only confessed because officers had kidnapped him, taken him to a police academy, and tortured him until he did. He said they'd beaten him and burned him with cigarettes. Still, the judge convicted him and sentenced him to 50 years. In 2005, Garcia Uribe was freed, after it was proven that the authorities had tortured him into confessing.

"What makes me laugh," Laura told me, "Is how the bus drivers are so scared. That's what really makes me laugh."

I didn't see this myself, but María Alejandra says she's seen bus drivers who've posted a sketch of Diana near their dashboards, and when a woman who looks like her tries to board the bus, they don't let her in. She says they close the doors quickly now, and she's heard that some are carrying knives on them.

"You know what it is?" Laura said. In this country, "People don't have balls. That's what my dad has always said," Laura told me. "We don't have balls, he says, because if we had a little bit more balls many things wouldn't be happening. We don't express what we think. We don't express how we feel. And we don't act in accordance with what we think. And that's our problem. That's what we're lacking."

So I asked her: But wait, weren't you on the verge of taking things into your own hands, with your sister?

"Yeah...but...I'm not the kind of person who would do it. Sure, in the moment I reacted and I thought about it. But I would never do it. I would never try to kill anyone. It's not how I was brought up. I'm not like that."

While I was in Juárez, I spent more time riding the buses on route 4 than doing anything else. These buses -- the Juárez public transportation buses -- are old school buses imported from the U.S. They are noisy, old buses, reasonably clean but in a state of decay that everyone accepts. I rode in the back of the bus and in the front of the bus, I rode it at the time of the killings, in the morning, and late at night, when the last bus was about to finish the route.

Sitting there, I wondered if the guy driving my bus was scared at all. Nervous. I wondered if in moments on his route he was thinking about Diana the Hunter and the words she said to that second bus driver on the morning of August the 29th:

"¡Ustedes se creen muy chingones!"                                   (You all think you are so tough!),

right before shooting the driver twice in the head, and running away.

She hasn't been spotted since. And there's no proof that the email signed by Diana actually came from the woman who did the shootings.

Whoever chose Diana's name, chose well. Diana the Hunter is the goddess of women and childbirth who, like many other Roman gods, acts out of basic human feelings: like rage and revenge. There is, on one of Mexico City's most famous streets, a statue of Diana the Hunter. And there's a replica of it outside a restaurant in Juárez. She's muscular, strong, holding a bow with her arm stretched back, about to shoot.

Maybe that image was in this one driver's mind on a bus I was riding, when he opened the door and a woman came in and he said: "What, are you Diana the Hunter?"

"No, of course not," she replied. "What, are you afraid of me now?"

"Well yeah," he replied. "Shouldn't I be?"

[aion-rsa]

Bridgerton Review: Netflix Series Redefines Period Romance on TV

https://ift.tt/37GFCOp

This Bridgerton review is spoiler-free.

With concise storytelling, character development, and big-budget Hollywood aesthetics, Netflix’s latest original television series, Bridgerton, represents the best of British period drama. The series is based on Julia Quinn’s romance novels and production company Shondaland adapted the books with a unique focus on Black and POC representation rarely seen in period dramas. It is safe to say the series has set a new standard for other productions in the genre to follow. Some viewers may be concerned that the pre-release promotion and dialogue around Bridgerton may just be giving lip service to advancing diversity and representation. But, when it comes to racial inclusivity, Bridgerton lives up to and even surpasses expectations.

Adapting the Bridgerton novel series for TV is particularly tricky as each book focuses on one romantic relationship with other characters moving in occasionally conflicting orbits as supporting characters. The series’ scripts successfully transform the story into a true ensemble effort while also weaving in occasional changes and characterization shifts original to the series. 

The main focus of the miniseries is, of course, the Bridgerton family, as widowed Lady Violet Bridgerton (Ruth Gemmell) attempts to steer her eight children through growing up and the marriage market. From oldest to younger: Anthony (Jonathan Bailey) inherited his father’s title Lord but he’s shirking his responsibility. Benedict (Luke Thompson) is a spare heir and realizes he can forge his own life outside of the strict lines of the Ton. Colin (Luke Newton) is now exploring the marriage market. But all eyes are on the oldest daughter, Daphne (Phoebe Dyvenor), as this is her debut into society. Her younger sister, Eloise (Claudia Jessie), rejects the marriage market but still manages to pay attention to the society gossip. 

Lady Violet is not the only mother in the Ton with daughters to marry off. The brassy and ostentatious Lady Portia Featherington (Polly Walker) wants Prudence (Bessie Carter), Phillipa (Harriet Cains), and Penelope (Nicola Coughlan) to secure good matches, but suitors aren’t exactly keen. It’s also not exactly helpful that they have to host Lord Featherington’s (Ben Miller) hot cousin from the countryside, Marina Thomspon (Ruby Barker), who could turn potential suitors her way. 

Although Queen Charlotte (Golda Rosheuvel) is the head of the social scene, the real boss is the gossip mill. The mysterious Lady Whistledown (voiced by Julie Andrews) knows who was the worst dressed at the ball, who had a tryst, and who made a major social faux pas and is all too eager to spill everyone’s secrets in print. 

Although Lady Whistledown is perhaps the most fantastical element in the script, her omnipresence in everyone’s affairs is a necessary representation  of the limits on reimagining Regency society. At its core, the Ton is obsessed with sustaining wealth, titles, and property. Marriages of virgin women to the eligible bachelors ensure financial and social security for the next generation. The high class single men could have numerous liaisons while only at worst be called a “rake” while the reputation of a wealthy single woman is completely destroyed. This dichotomy is essential to understanding the novel and, in turn, the choices the characters make throughout the episodes.  

Although there are constraints in terms of gender and class politics, the plot leaves the Black and POC characters free from interacting with slavery and colonialism. This is where the impact of having Black and experienced inclusive drama writers, such as Doctor Who’s Sarah Dollard, can be seen the most. While some critics may insist that this is a piece of realism the show needs, the intense focus on fantasy renders the need for realism moot. There are only two references to slavery: one is an illusion of a historical event during the slavery era and the other is a reference to Black assimilation into society. Both could be interpreted as classism clashes, but the first is definitely a historical Easter Egg of sorts. All of the Black and POC characters deal with family, relationships, and in some cases financial conflicts that anyone can relate to.  

Simon, the Duke of Hastings (Regé-Jean Page), is the Ton’s most eligible bachelor. He contains the multitudes of Regency leading man tropes. Simon is handsome, has several million pounds in the bank, and refuses to marry despite being the most eligible bachelor. The script does a much more effective job in portraying Simon’s backstory to explain his hesitancy towards marriage and raising a family. Viewers see flashes of Simon’s father mocking his stutter and calling him a disgrace to the title. At the same time, the development of Simon’s character shows an acute awareness of avoiding negative stereotypes of Black men, especially regarding anger and assertiveness. His pride and intransigence is clearly a trauma response. By the end, even the most skeptical book reader will recognize that a switch in physical appearance didn’t completely change Simon’s personality. 

Lady Danbury (Adjoa Andoh) acts as Simon’s godmother and advisor. She is an imposing figure but her strength comes from her political and business connections and not from the usual “strong Black women” tropes and, on the flip side of her power moves, is her firm yet tender relationship with Simon. One can argue she is above both Lady Bridgerton and Lady Featherington in the social hierarchy. Black characters like Lady Danbury are extremely rare in period dramas and it is due to the screenwriters’ commitment to shifting the existing narrative. It would have been easy for the screenwriters to stop there as far as featuring Black characters, but Bridgerton adds original to the show characters to enrich the book narrative. 

Will Mondrich (Martins Imhangbe) is a boxer who is hoping to provide a more stable living for his wife and kids. The character is a nod to history as Bill Richmond, a former slave turned bare-knuckle boxer is a Regency celebrity. Will is also Simon’s friend and occasional sparring partner. Their conversations end up revealing information the women in their lives are not privy to. It would be easy to label him simply as a foil for Simon, but his livelihood presents an intersection of class and sporting ethics at a time before professional regulation. Men of the Ton spend thousands betting on Will’s fights, but he takes home only a fraction of those winnings.  Not only is there more exploration of what Regency men did in spaces away from women, Bridgerton ensures that there are Black and POC characters representing every level of society. 

Marina’s storyline is clearly a byproduct of class and gender politics versus race. She is the opposite of Daphne and the Featheringtons, as she comes from the countryside and lives modestly. Lady Whistledown makes particular note of her ability to attract interested suitors. Her natural hair and visibly African features are seen as a positive thing, and many come to call on her which is such a refreshing sight in a genre so stuck on white standards of beauty.  Marina may not wish to be constrained by the rules of the Ton but she does not have that luxury. She must make her way through society to make the best of what is offered to her.

Many in the audience may also be looking to see if Bridgerton measures up to previous Regency dramas. It measures up in terms of acting quality and set design but it will fail if people insist on holding the show to historical accuracy standards the creative team rejects. First of all, it is disingenuous to compare a modern romance novel adaptation to adaptations of novels written during or shortly after the Regency. In addition, the show’s extensive focus on the richest members of Regency society is in stark contrast to previous miniseries which portray rural landowners and minor gentry. Austen’s characters in particular are at least one to two full social classes removed from the Ton. 

The costumes are the biggest visual assistant towards crafting a different aesthetic than previous productions. Queen Charlotte’s sky high Afro wig paired with massive brocade gowns, Penelope’s sunshine yellow embroidered dress, and differences in the cut of the mens’ breeches only scratch the surface of the purposeful design choices. 7,800 costumes are featured in total in Bridgerton, which is easily double or triple the amount of variety in lower budget UK productions. This is a cornucopia of stylish treats for fans who are willing to set aside their design biases. Many will end up seeing themselves as possible members of the Ton and imagine themselves at a ball. Some historical costumers are already discussing which characters they want to recreate costumes for.  

Those who wanted to see an exact replica of existing white-centric aesthetics should definitely avoid the show. It should also be pointed out quite a few of these critics gave productions such as the 2016 War & Peace miniseries, the live action Beauty and the Beast, and Marie Antoinette, a pass on anachronistic and fantasy styling purely because white actors were wearing these costumes. 

All that’s missing in the Ton’s elegant mansions, country estates, and stately townhouses is indoor plumbing and electricity. Despite all the talk by showrunner Chris Van Dusen and others on the production team about Bridgerton purposefully moving away from recreating history, the set design of the interior and exterior locations show a surprising level of attention paid to era-accurate details. Netflix’s almost unlimited budget resources were skillfully used to secure the best UK locations, furniture, and set decorations. The design of scenes such as the Vauxhall Pleasure Gardens and the are where the influence of historical advisor Dr. Hannah Greig is most visible.

Genre purists may bristle at Bridgerton being described as a “Regency Gossip Girl” but the Lady Whistledown subplot was an overarching plot in the book series before the show existed. Her commentary ties all of the main and subplots together in an effective introduction for non-readers and is an essential component of building the world of the Ton as distinctive from previous productions. 

Every good drama needs some mood music to set the tone. Kris Bower’s score is a creative mix of orchestral music and sweeping instrumental covers of recent pop tunes. What’s better to evoke the mood of drama at a ball than a cello pushing out “Bad Guy” by Billie Eillish? This is one other aspect where sticking to authenticity would result in blandness. Bower’s work is one more example of the show featuring Black creatives behind and in front of the camera. 

Read more

TV

From Bridgerton to Hamilton: A History of Color-Conscious Casting in Period Drama

By Amanda-Rae Prescott

TV

How Bridgerton Can Avoid Outlander’s Mistakes

By Amanda-Rae Prescott

Romance, lust, and love are critical components of the miniseries. Viewers that are opposed to more than hugs and kisses should give the series a wide berth. Despite Regency society being known for having strict rituals around courtship, they were not prudes. Bridgerton replaces the Victorian and modern religious tropes common in the genre with vivid portrayals of male and female desire in hetero and queer relationships. A lot of the strictly PF relationship content viewers expect from Regency dramas comes from Victorian purity culture plus religious moralism and is not accurate to the era. These ideas also have racist undertones as well. Having an open minded approach to the variety of human emotions around relationships enriches the overall story versus productions which use sex scenes for shock value. Some critics may believe this to be the case, but this is a fundamental misunderstanding of what romance fiction is all about.  

Although the entire cast brought their A-game to Bridgerton, there are a few standouts that must be specifically mentioned. Phoebe Dyvenor and Regé-Jean Page have excellent chemistry and anti-chemistry depending on the scene. Ruth Gemmell brilliantly portrays Lady Violet as iron-willed but with an endless supply of affection for all her children. Adjoa Andoh brings out the best of Lady Danbury from the books. Nicola Coughlan proves she’s a formidable force in drama as well as comedy. Sabrina Bartlett’s past work in portraying women on the margins of the 18th and 19th Centuries comes through in Siena Rosso.   

The main elements the show loses points on are certain teasers for future plot development. Some viewers may feel that the series falls slightly short on queer representation as that plot line isn’t fully developed by the last episode. In addition, the resolution to the most problematic element in The Duke and I may still leave some viewers unsatisfied as ethical questions remain. 

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Bridgerton’s eight episodes show the endless possibilities for expanding diversity in romance and period drama on-screen if screenwriters are willing to work alongside authors on a fresh take of their literary world.  

The post Bridgerton Review: Netflix Series Redefines Period Romance on TV appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3mG6imR

[overfour-sets-of-corsets]

GUYYYYSSSSSS

Alrighty so I saw Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 during closing week and I'm gonna tell you guys everything I remember about it! Just so you know, my cast was OBC except for Pierre (Okieriete Onaodawan), Sonya (Ingrid Michelson), and Mary (Courtney Bassett) and I was sitting in the rear mezzanine about as far from the actors as possible so this is everything I could see from there. Also I put some stuff in there that you can know without seeing the show, like French and Russian translations, for the good of those who might not already know. So yeah I think that’s it for my intro and go under the cut to read about the interesting stuff!

Before the show starts, the ensemble runs out, gives the whole theatre announcement stuff (phones off, be quiet, etc), and throws small boxes into the audience. They contain pirogies! And they are apparently very good although I didn't get any so I am speaking from secondhand experience

After that, there is a louder pre recorded announcement where the man will say something (e.g. "Texting") and the cast will all say "niet!"

The show is announced by the sound of what I think is bomb sirens? I'm not 100% sure, but they were definitely long wailing sounds that made me wanna hide somewhere

Prologue:

As soon as Pierre steps out and begins to play, you can hear Natasha say, "No!" After this, Andrey comes up the stairs with Natasha following him, hanging onto him and looking as though she's trying to keep him from leaving. Andrey puts on a military coat and then goes to Natasha and puts a necklace on her before leaving through the double doors to go off to war

In the cast recording, you hear a loud slamming sound before the "rahz dva tri!" Which is the sound of the double doors closing behind Andrey

Pierre is playing the accordion in the beginning which is pretty hecking cool

Throughout the show, every time Andrey is mentioned, they gesture to the doors through which he was last seen

After each person's introduction in Prologue, the character takes a drink from a shot glass they each have, and do so again each time their name is mentioned again in the song

Glasses of various kinds are used throughout the show

After Sonya's intro, she goes to Natasha and they cross arms wedding style to drink

Grace McLean sounds exactly the same live it's freaking incredible

As the song continues going back through the names, a spotlight appears on the person they're singing about and they raise their shot glass

Dolokov plays guitar

On "He spends his money on women and wine" Anatole gestures to a woman in the audience with a "maybe you?" Kind of expression

On "Anatole's friend, a crazy good shot" Dolokov pretends to shoot Anatole with his guitar, and Anatole plays along

On "Chandeliers and caviar" all the chandeliers light up

Balaga plays the drums in the pit/Pierre's study and on his introduction he hits a high hat, then continues to play the drums like a maniac as per his character

Pierre:

Pierre starts off by putting his accordion down and playing the piano

Oak has the voice of an angel

During the first chorus of Pierre, everyone is on the steps  and balconies with their glasses raised in his direction

When Pierre says "I drink too much" he holds up a bottle of wine

On "I never thought that I'd end up like this" Pierre pats his tummy

During the women's section of Pierre, all the women in the show dance around him on the main circle

When Pierre says "Or do you struggle too?" he's speaking pretty much directly at ensemble member and continues speaking to him during the "I pity you, I pity me…" section as well

The ensemble is gathered on the lower stage balcony at the end of the song and kinda jumps at him on last note

Moscow:

The rahz dva tri in the beginning of the song is said by Pierre

Sonya and Natasha pretty much act like the Siamese cats from Lady and the Tramp, moving together as one to tell their story

When Natasha and Sonya call each other by their proper names, they are mocking the fanciness of them and giggle as they speak

When Natasha says "No one can understand" she puts out a hand to stop Sonya, effectively shutting her out in this section of the song

Sonya leaves when she gets the hand and comes back with Marya after the Natasha/flute part

Marya pushes Sonya away right before saying "first thing tomorrow…"

"We'll buy what we can afford" is said right to audience with a kind of “you know what I’m talking about” vibe

The audience is the "gossips and crybabies"

Marya checks to see that Sonya's gone before saying "Well, now we'll talk"

A light comes up on Prince Bolkonsky when Marya mentions him

When Marya says "Just be kind to Andrey's sister" Mary walks right in between them, but they don’t acknowledge each other

The Private and Intimate Life of the House:

(Andrey and Prince Bolkonsky are same person btw if you didn't know)

There's a really long pause after the "I've aged so very much" where he looks at a section of the audience that lights come up on before saying "People enjoy me though" at those people and they all looked so terrified it was beautifully ironic

When he talks about his powdered wig he pats said wig and a crapton of powder poofs up and it's super visible in the spotlight

Every time Mary says "Yes father" she bows to him

"And I have no friends" is kind of said as a plea to the audience

Natasha killed me in this song with the "everyone has always liked me!" Lots of laughing

The "young suitor" in the song is an audience member

The "cheap French thing" is also an audience member

Courtney singing “His shaking head sinks over his plate" just absolutely wrecked me (cry count: 1)

Natasha & Bolkonskys

When Natasha comes in she and Sonya put stools in the audience who all had to move around to make room for them and the beginning of the song just consists of them gossiping to the audience around them about each other

After the constrained and strained part they pretend to laugh with each other as casual friends but it's so awkward and funny

Prince Bolkonsky is wearing only long johns for this song (hence "the mean old man in his underthings")

No One Else:

Lights come down like stars

During Natasha's "I love you I love you…" she spins around and around and it's really cute

Just before "the snow in the moonlight" Andrey comes back out like a memory and you see him walk away as Natasha tries to follow. This kind of alludes to his lack of compassion for her

There’s fake snow

"Don't you remember?" Is said at an audience member

There’s no music at the end and it really hits you pretty hard

The Opera:

In the beginning of the song, Natasha changes onstage since she wasn’t able to go off during the last song, so she slips into a fancier dress and Sonya puts a flower in her hair

On "Natasha smooth your gown" everyone glares at Natasha

"The glass" is an actual mirror, not just window glass or something like that

When Dolokov is introduced, he flirts with an audience member, kissing her hand

Dolokov and Helene are arm in arm as  per the song lyrics

When Pierre says "Although I am enjoying myself this evening" He holds up a bottle of wine and smiles warmly and it's pretty much the epitome of an introvert like same dude same

Helene kind of seduces Natasha when they talk

During the opera, the spotlights go on only when there is singing and then they shut off during the silence in between

All the lighting in the actual opera is blue light

The opera dancers did a bunch of crazy weird stuff that looked really cool and a little funny

When Sonya says "a state of intoxication" the room turns red

Anatole was hella jumpy and airy, which juxtaposed Helene's swaying, grounded movements very nicely

Anatole and Dolokov have a handshake

Natasha & Anatole

During the beginning, Anatole doesn't approach, he waits for Natasha to notice him and keeps trying a bunch of different poses until she does

On "And he's as handsome up close as at a distance" Natasha leans on the balcony and stares at Anatole's face and then he turns around really quick and she gets so flustered it's great

When Natasha says "and kiss me on the neck" Anatole pulls up the hem of her dress a little and "kisses" her on the neck

"How do you like Moscow" is meant to be super casual but it's so not

“Ce sont les joulies femmes” just about translates to “is it’s beautiful women”

"Isn't that so" is said to an audience member

Anatole takes the flower from Natasha's hair on “give me this flower as a pledge”

The Duel

"How was the opera" is Pierre making fun of the opera

When Anatole says "Lend me 50 rubles" he holds out his hand

On "Gonna drink, drink…" Dolokov comes out with a tray of glasses and spins it around on the stage, pretending to fill up the glasses like that

During that little electronic part right before all the whoas the chandeliers light up in a crazy pattern

There’s very heavy strobe and everyone's in light up rave clothing

On “I will make love to her” Anatole grabs Helene from behind and does a pelvic thrust-type thing

On “better wait till she's married” Dolokov and Helene share a look

On the last “Here’s to the health of married women and their lovers” Helene and Dolokov start making out hardcore

Dolokov puts his foot on the piano when he says “now this is what I like"

Anatole’s "this is horribly stupid" is said real deadpan it was great

Dolokov gets shot in his good (right) shoulder which is why he misses

Pierre holds the getting shot pose a real real reeeeeaaaalllllll long time

Right after Helene says “of course, dear brother” she and Anatole get really uncomfortably close to each other and I couldn’t tell from where I was sitting but I’m pretty sure they kiss?

When Anatole says “we live to love another day” he does finger guns at Pierre who looks so unamused

Dust and Ashes

Pierre is playing the piano reeeeeally slow at the beginning like he's still drunk

There’s a chorus line of the entire cast on the mezzanine balcony during the end of the song

Sunday Morning

Marya's “time for church!” is so freaking funny

When Natasha hears a knock at the door, a hand comes out from behind the double doors, hits a woodblock, and then hurries back behind the door. It’s very funny

Charming

Most of charming is done with Natasha in her underwear but like old timey underwear so it's not that scandalous

So! Much! Sexual! Tension!

The dress of metallic gauze is Helene's, not Natasha’s (idk if anyone else was confused about that, but I definitely was so uhhhh yeah)

Helene takes off the necklace that Andrey gave Natasha in the beginning of the show and puts the one around her own neck on Natasha instead

“Alliez dans le monde plutôt que de dépérir d’ennui!” translates to "Go out in the world rather than perish in boredom"

They hold hands on "I will come"

The Ball

The ball is a masquerade party so the ensemble all had masks on

Anatole is waiting impatiently at the start of the song

They dance a waltz around the main ring of the stage

Some of the dancing couples were male/male and female/female!!!

At some point Natasha and Anatole separate but continue dancing around on opposite sides of the main ring as though they are still dancing with each other and it looks really cool

After "I have nothing to say" Natasha and Anatole kiss!

When Natasha says "Andrey" she turns out to the audience kind of like an “oh no” moment

Intermission

The line for the bathroom was hella long but but the line for merch was really short so thank god I used the bathroom before the show and got merch during intermission

If you had seating on the stage you weren’t allowed to enter late because it would disrupt the show which I didn’t even think about but damn I saw a couple empty chairs in the second act

Letters

There are those sirens again

As each character sings, the people they're talking to or about walk across the stage

On “Dolokov is recovering” Dolokov swaggers like the swaggerer that he is

On “Natasha is in town” Natasha walks across the stage frowning and looking at a letter in her hand

When Natasha says “How can I love him and the other one too?” Andrey and Anatole both come forward. Andrey is standing very still and collected while Anatole pops a hip and is swaying a bit

Mary's entire letter is sung right at Natasha

Natasha tries to sing back, but she can't figure out what to say and breaks away

Pierre, Natasha, and Mary sing the candle in the mirror part from different places on the main ring of the stage

The “Woah woah woah” is sung by the whole cast and there’s some fun lighting to go with it

Denee dropped her quill right as a spotlight was on her and it was kinda funny

Dolokov gets cocky on the “a letter which I composed” part and Anatole does a very stylized kind of ”really?" type gesture complete with a weight shift and heel tap

The “love letter” gets sent from Anatole to Natasha through a part of the audience

Once the cast joins in, all the lights in the theatre go on when they sing “Natalie Natalie Natalie” and then right back off again

Each “just say yes” is met with silence, which is why he does another (and at this point Anatole is on one knee)

On Natasha’s ”YES" Anatole does a two hand fist pump of victory

Anatole does a little victory dance with Helene

As Anatole is leaving, he encounters Sonya who he gives a kind of “haha she loves me more“ look to before exiting and Sonya just looks so sad it breaks my heart

Sonya & Natasha

Natasha fell asleep at the end of Letters with Anatole's letter in her hand which Sonya picks up and reads before starting the song

"I hate you Sonya" cry count: 2

Sonya Alone

Natasha stays onstage the entire song walking around oblivious to Sonya's presence, choosing to read a letter from Anatole instead

Cry count: 3

Preparations

Anatole comes onstage with a duffle bag

On “lend me fifty rubles” Pierre separates fifty from a bunch more, holding out the fifty. Anatole goes to take the fifty but then he reaches around and takes the larger stack instead

When Dolokov says “On the day that Sonya decided to save her” a spotlight appears on Sonya who’s still lookin’ real sad

During “to and fro” Dolokov paces with Anatole on a different part of the stage

Balaga

The entire song is pretty much just Balaga running around the stage while Anatole and Dolokov watch from afar

The Abduction

There's so much chaos during the abduction that I probably didn't catch all of it, but I did manage to see Helene and Marya making out for a verrrrry long time, a complete choreographed fight between two cast members, and Natasha smashing a painting over Balaga's head from where I was sitting

When Pierre does the “WOOOAAAAAH” he pauses a real hecking long time after like it’s a good 2 minutes where everyone’s pretty much frozen onstage and it’s just beautiful I love it

“Vsego horoshego! Na pososhok! Poekhali!” translates roughly to, “Good luck! A toast for the road! Let’s go!”

There's a gag that I couldn't see with Anatole and an audience member so if you know what it was please let me know

Dolokov stops everyone and starts singing about the fur coat

Pearl Rhein is the one plucking while Dolokov sings, and she is wearing the coat

After Anatole takes the coat from Pearl, they share a passionate kiss

When the doors open there's a moment where you think it's Natasha or at least you want to believe because you know what’s coming but also Anatole looked so hopeful and determined and you just want it to work out but it doesn’t

Anatole kind of freezes when he sees Marya like he can't really believe it

In My House

Quiet Marya is terrifying

I jumped on the “Now yoU LISTEN TO ME WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU” it had my heart racing a mile a minute holy shit

Sleeping on the sofa consisted of Natasha standing stock still on the lower stage balcony and crossing her arms

With each thing Marya says, (pillow under her head, etc) she gestures at a different ensemble member like they're servants going to do what she just said

Right before the second “let her sleep” Sonya goes to wake her up, but is stopped by Marya

A Call to Pierre

On the “Whaaaaaaaat" in the beginning Pierre is just so upset and t was hilarious

“I have been… studying" suuuuure you were, honey. Sure.

Find Anatole

At the club a bunch of lights come up and the ensemble is gossiping in little groups it’s actually pretty cute

Pierre hesitates when he’s like, “everything is… fine”

On the “It is essential that I see Natasha” Anatole looks so very distraught it's actually really sad and you maybe feel bad for him for a split second there

Helene is sitting with ease waiting for Pierre to come home while Anatole kneels in despair on the ground

After Helene realizes Pierre is no longer a pushover, she freaks out a little and pushes Anatole away from her

Pierre & Anatole

Anatole sits in Pierre’s chair and puts a foot up on the desk

Their fight was pretty much Pierre pushing Anatole’s feet (along with a bunch of papers) off the desk, then lifting him OFF THE GROUND, shaking him a bit, and shoving him back toward the chair and walking past (this is all during the “my face already pale…” part)

On “Come now this is stupid…” Anatole turns around to face Pierre with the chair in between them. Pierre then cuts in with his “You’re a scoundrel…” picks up the chair, throws it to the side, grabs Anatole by the collar, and shoves him against the outside of the pit

Anatole sings for a little bit on his back held in place by Pierre

Anatole seems very out of breath (hmmm I wonder why???)

Natasha comes center stage and pours something into a cup, then drinks it. We find out later that this is arsenic

She keels over, moans, and then rushes offstage with Sonya and Marya close behind

Natasha Very Ill

When Sonya mentions Andrey, he appears in the doorway

Pierre & Andrey

On “Never speak of that again” Andrey grabs Pierre's collar who looks extremely frightened by the move

At the end of the song, Andrey goes to sit in his father’s chair, pushing away Mary who tries to greet him

Pierre & Natasha

When Pierre "appears in the doorway" he steps into the light

Natasha is wearing a plain nightgown and looks quite ill

The letters make Natasha sick

On “she began to cry” Natasha cries a lot and very loudly. Her mic is cut and you can hear the rawness of her sobbing

Cry count: 4

Pierre gets very close to Natasha when he says "think of me" and it seems quite intimate

Pierre stops Natasha from walking away with the “Stop. Stop. Stop."

She makes to leave again and is stopped by Pierre saying "if-"

Oak's pauses are as such; "If-… if I were not myself… but the brightest… handsomest… best man on earth… and if I were free… I would get down, on my knees, this minute… and ask you for your hand… and for your love"

On “Oh Pierre” Natasha touches his cheek

Pierre puts on the coat, sleeves and all

The Great Comet of 1812

The entire beginning of the song is just Pierre on stage alone

As the comet forms, the chandeliers in the mezzanine light up, then the light continues traveling forward toward the stage until only the main chandelier is glowing

All cast members are sitting or standing somewhere on the stage, looking up at the comet as they sing the final song

Total cry count: 4

Alright I think that’s it! If you have any questions, my inbox is always open and you can also message me at any time :)

[papermoonloveslucy]

LUCY GIVES EDDIE ALBERT THE OLD SONG AND DANCE

S6;E6 ~ October 15, 1973

Directed by Coby Ruskin ~ Written by Bob Carroll Jr. and Madelyn Davis

Synopsis

When producing a charity show, Lucy asks Eddie Albert to star in it.  At the same time, a woman meeting Lucy’s description has been stalking Albert.  

Regular Cast

Lucille Ball (Lucy Carter), Gale Gordon (Harrison Otis Carter)

Lucie Arnaz (Kim Carter) does not appear in this episode, nor does she receive credit in the opening titles. Despite her absence, the final credits do state “Lucie Arnaz Wardrobe by Alroe.”

Guest Cast

Eddie Albert (Himself) began his TV career years before electronic television was introduced to the public. In June of 1936 Eddie appeared in RCA’s first private live performance for their radio licensees in New York City, a very early experimental television system. He first worked with Lucille Ball in the 1950 movie The Fuller Brush Girl. Today he is perhaps best known for playing lawyer turned farmer Oliver Douglas on CBS’s “Green Acres” (1965-71). He was nominated for two Oscars as Supporting Actor, in 1954 for Roman Holiday and 1972 for The Heartbreak Kid. He died in 2005 at age 99.  

Mary Jane Croft (Mary Jane Lewis, left) played Betty Ramsey during season six of “I Love Lucy. ” She also played Cynthia Harcourt in “Lucy is Envious” (ILL S3;E23) and Evelyn Bigsby in “Return Home from Europe” (ILL S5;E26). She played Audrey Simmons on “The Lucy Show” but when Lucy Carmichael moved to California, she played Mary Jane Lewis, the actor’s married name and the same one she uses on all 31 of her episodes of “Here’s Lucy. Her final acting credit was playing Midge Bowser on “Lucy Calls the President” (1977). She died in 1999 at the age of 83. 

Vanda Barra (Vanda Barra, right) makes one of over two dozen appearances on “Here’s Lucy” as well as appearing in Ball’s two 1975 TV movies “Lucy Gets Lucky” and “Three for Two”. She was seen in half a dozen episodes of “The Lucy Show.” Barra was Lucille Ball’s cousin-in-law by marriage to Sid Gould.

Doris Singleton (Patty) created the role of Caroline Appleby on “I Love Lucy,” although she was known as Lillian Appleby in the first of her ten appearances. She made two appearances on “The Lucy Show.” This is the second of her four appearances on “Here’s Lucy.”  She was originally intended to be a series regular but was written out after the first episode.

The character’s name is not used in the dialogue but is listed in the final credits.

Jerry Hausner (Jimmy) was featured as Jerry, Ricky’s agent in the pilot and first three seasons of “I Love Lucy.”  He left the show after a disagreement with Desi Arnaz. He returned to work with Lucille Ball in “Lucy is a Soda Jerk” (TLS S1;E23), shortly after Desi Arnaz resigned as Executive Producer and President of Desilu.  This is is his only “Here’s Lucy” appearance and his last time on screen with Lucille Ball.  He was seen in three episodes of “Green Acres” with Eddie Albert.

“Green Acres” is mentioned in the dialogue of the episode. Eddie Albert’s co-star on “Green Acres,” Eva Gabor, guest-starred in two episodes of “Here’s Lucy.” Many other “Lucy” actors appeared in Hooterville.  Among them, Barbara Pepper (30 episodes), Eleanor Audley (19 episodes), Robert Foulk (16 episodes), Jonathan Hole (7 episodes), Shirley Mitchell (4 episodes), Parley Baer (4 episodes), Jerry Hausner (3 episodes), Jesse White (2 episodes), John J. Fox (2 episodes), Roy Roberts (2 episodes), Maurice Marsac, Lou Krugman, Bob Jellison, Norman Leavitt, Romo Vincent, Elvia Allman, Gail Bonney, Ray Kellogg, Irwin Charone, Bernie Kopell, Charles Lane, Alan Hale Jr., Robert Carson, Jerome Cowan, William Lanteau, Paul Bradley, Leoda Richards, Hans Moebus, and Rich Little.  

An office scene between Lucy and Harry was originally written for “Lucy, the Peacemaker” (S5;E3) but deleted for time.  It was re-staged for this episode.  

Lucille begins to wear longer wigs again after having worn shorter styles earlier in the season.

Lucy, Mary Jane, and Vanda are having a lunch meeting to plan their annual “Girl Friday Follies,” a show that raises money to send underprivileged kids to camp. Taking Lucy’s suggestion to find a “big name”, Mary Jane suggests Engelbert Humperdinck – the ‘biggest’ name she’s ever heard.  The English singing sensation was previously mentioned on “Lucy and Liberace” (S2;E16) and “Lucy and Ann-Margret” (S2;E20) where Lucy mispronounced his name as 'Pumpernickel’ and 'Dumperhink.’

Looking at his desk, littered with food items from the girls’ lunch, Harry laments that he “missed the Iowa State Picnic.”  The Iowa State Picnic is an annual event that started in 1900 and was held in Long Beach, California, which was nicknamed “Iowa by the Sea.” They were attended by Iowans who had transplanted to the area in order to share their common roots. With attendance dwindling, in 2014 the picnic moved from Long Beach to San Pedro where the USS Iowa is docked.   

To find a star, Lucy looks at Joyce Haber’s column in the newspaper. Joyce Haber was the gossip columnist of the Los Angeles Times. She made an appearance (above) as a member of the Hollywood Press when ���Lucy Meets the Burtons” (S3;E1) in 1970.  

Haber’s column mentions that Frank Sinatra is coming out of retirement.  In 1970, the singer went into a self-imposed retirement that lasted until 1973 with the release of the album “Ol’ Blue Eyes is Back.”  Sinatra was first mentioned on “I Love Lucy” in 1955 and his named has been dropped on both “The Lucy Show” and “Here’s Lucy.” Sinatra inadvertently appeared on “I Love Lucy” when a clip of him in the film Guys and Dolls was inserted into the MGM Executives Show in “Lucy and the Dummy” (ILL S5;E3) when it was running short.  The clip has since been removed and has never been seen in the context of the episode after its initial broadcast.

Lucy says she saw Eddie Albert in The Music Man. In 1959, Albert replaced Robert Preston in the  Broadway production of The Music Man. Coincidentally, the show’s author Meredith Willson was from Iowa, where the musical is set, and attended the 1959 Iowa State Picnic to lead the Long Beach Band playing the show’s rousing anthem “76 Trombones.”

When a preoccupied Lucy is idle at her desk, she tells Harry she’s worried about Eddie Albert. Harry tells her to get busy and let Margo worry about Eddie Albert. Margo Albert was a Mexican-American actress born as María Marguerita Guadalupe Teresa Estela Bolado Castilla y O'Donnell – so she simply went by the singular moniker Margo. Coincidentally, he was related by marriage to band leader Xavier Cugat, as niece of his first marriage to Carmen Castillo. Cugat was a mentor of Desi Arnaz’s and often mentioned as a rival of Ricky Ricardo. Margo appeared in a 1958 installment of “The Westinghouse-Desilu Playhouse” with Eddie Albert which was hosted by Desi Arnaz. The following year, she was seen in another installment with Arnaz as a co-star.  

Margo’s black and white photo is behind the sofa of Albert’s living room. Next to it is a photo of Albert’s son, Edward Laurence Heimberger (aka Eddie Albert Jr.), age 23.  In 1972, he was launched to fame from his portrayal of blind Don Baker in Butterflies are Free, for which he won a Golden Globe. He died of Alzheimer’s Disease in 2006, one year after his father’s passing.

When Lucy unexpectedly arrives on Eddie Albert’s doorstep he believes her to be his stalker, so Patty is sent to phone for the police. She rushes from the room saying “I feel like I’m on 'Mannix’!”  “Mannix” (1967-75) was a Desilu-produced TV show that was saved from cancellation after its first season by Lucille Ball. “Here’s Lucy” hosted a cross-over episode with “Mannix” in 1971 that also featured Mary Jane Croft and Gale Gordon. It, too, was written and directed by Ruskin, Davis, and Carroll.  

Trying to convince Eddie to change his conflict date and do the show, Lucy breaks into “There’s a Long, Long Trail” and then Albert joins in, harmonizing. At the end of the scene Harry, Mary Jane, and Vanda all join in.  The song was written by Stoddard King and Alonzo Elliott in 1913. In an episode of “The Lucy Show,” Lucy Carmichael and Viv sing the first two lines of the chorus in a failed attempt to entertain their kids after their TV set breaks down. The song’s title may have also influenced the title of the Lucille Ball / Desi Arnaz film The Long, Long Trailer (1953). 

“The Girl Friday Follies”

Mary Jane: “Nostalgia’s so old fashioned.”

The Girl Friday Follies opens with Mary Jane and Vanda taking their bows as the team of “Crime and Punishment”.  We never see what the act consists of, but it is likely not connected to Fyodor Dostoyevsky’s 1866 novel of the same name.  

Eddie Albert: “To know Harry is to love him!” Lucy: “I don’t think we’re talking about the same Harry.”

For the finale, Lucy and Eddie Albert perform “Makin’ Whoopee” written by Gus Kahn and Walter Donaldson.  The song was first popularized by Eddie Cantor in the 1928 musical Whoopee!  For the first time since her skiing accident, Lucy dances on television.

In her DVD introduction of the episode, Shirley Mitchell calls the show “old home week.” 

Aside from Lucy’s reunion with Eddie Albert from The Fuller Brush Girl, she also shares the sound stage with three members of the cast of “I Love Lucy”… 

Shirley Mitchell (Carolyn Appleby)… 

Mary Jane Croft (Betty Ramsey)… 

and Jerry Hausner (Jerry the Agent).  

The episode is written by the “I Love Lucy” scribes Madelyn (Pugh) Davis and Bob Carroll Jr.

Lucy says she saw Eddie Albert’s house on a tour of the movie stars homes. Mary Jane asks Lucy if that was the tour where she sneaked into Rock Hudson’s backyard to steal an orange. This is a variation on when Lucy Ricardo took a tour of the movie stars homes and sneaked over Richard Widmark’s wall to steal a grapefruit in “The Tour” (ILL S4;E30). 

Rock Hudson played himself on an episode titled “In Palm Springs” (ILL S4;E26). Rock Hudson is mentioned again later, when Patty reveals that the same woman who has been stalking Eddie Albert has also been bothering Rock Hudson.

Vanda asks if it is the same tour where she saw Dean Martin in his bathrobe dumping empty bottles in the trash?  Although this even never happened on screen, Lucy Carmichael did date Dean Martin on “The Lucy Show.”  

Where the Floor Ends!  In the office, the camera pulls back for a wide shot that exposes where the wall-to-wall carpet ends and the cement stage floor begins. 

“Lucy Gives Eddie Albert the Old Song and Dance” rates 3 Paper Hearts out of 5

This episode is enjoyable for “I Love Lucy” (or Eddie Albert) fans. It is good to see so many folks from Lucille Ball’s past in one episode!    

[thong-in-the-twist]

Thimble 17화

1화 2화 3화 4화 5화 6화 7화 8화  9화 10화 11화 12화  13화 14화 15화 16화 17화 18화

Three palace ladies wearing green hanboks are standing in front of you. Their robes are more ceremonial, more striking than usual ones, white and yellow silk adorning broad sleeves. They are wearing splendid wigs with wooden frames, and on another occasion you might have been jealous.

The one in the center is reading off the red parchement.

“I appoint Jeonje to rank 4, Sukwon.”It’s lady speaking, but it’s not her words. It’s lady speaking, but it’s not her order.” Perform traditional token of appreciation.”

You don’t smile. You don’t let your emotions show, as you calmly wait for attendants to join you on the straw mat you are standing on. For the first time in years you are not wearing robes you made yourself. You are not wearing cyan skirt, not there is a red ribbon in your hair. You are wearing even more splendid wig, with wooden frame and delicate golden hairpins in it.

Two palace ladies grab your elbows, and it’s amazingly gratifying to have somebody serve you. You are holding small plaque in your hands, and frame is as heavy as it looks, so heaving someone help you bow is indispensable.

The bow is slow, because you need to make it perfect. It needs to be perfect.

You straighten, feeling light. Light even with heavy hair accessories, light even with growing belly.

“We congratulate you, Lady Sukwon!” Calls lady leading the ceremony, and all the ladies taking part in that follow. Your new title being revoked by so many throats makes you blush. It’s not embarrassment, it’s satisfaction. Simple and pure.

They are bowing to you. They are calling your name, the name of an official concubine, one that is pregnant with King’s son. You are superior to them, even though there is a whore marking on your skin.

You are not yet done, but your vengeance is closer than it ever was.

*

It wasn’t easy. Getting that order. You know that because King confided in you. You kept sleeping in his quarters, now peacefully, in his arms, because he didn’t want you to go back to rooms you shared with other workers.

He couldn’t stand you working. He couldn’t stand you eating nothing that wasn’t tested, he couldn’t stand you being away from him, and he couldn’t stand the most you not getting respect you deserved.

He planned meticulously. He gathered Eastern fraction, a natural opponent to Western fraction, which your Father belonged to. He made them believe that appointing you a concubine would weaken Western fraction. He convinced every single one of them to be in the favor of this decree.

Western fraction rebelled. They were appalled. How could King take a concubine from palace ladies. How could King choose a girl related to Queen? Why could he even consider taking another woman, when Queen was perfectly capable of bearing children, and so she proved.

South fraction, which was a part of Eastern fraction, rebelled as well, as they were Suk Bin’s allays. Suk Bin didn’t need another woman able to bear a child, which could take her son’s status away.

They spent hours in the audience hall. Pleading, shouting, arguing.

And when all the fractions were on the verge of war, King silenced them.

With one information.

Jeonje is pregnant with King’s child.

*

King’s child can’t come from a woman unworthy. They had no choice, but to make you worthy.

So you got you appointment. It came from Ministers and King, and not as it should from Queen. It made the taste of victory less sweet, but you know that you will get another chance in the future.

You got your appointment. The lowest rank, but you are officially King’s woman, and only his. You got your own attendants, you got your own pavilion and garden, and you got your shield, growing under your heart.

You got double jadeite rings and golden hair pin.

You got power.

*

You long to see him. Your King, your Lord, your Man, but now as a Lady in this palace you have duties to fulfill. And the first and foremost duty is to greet your elders. You have to greet them in the morning and in the evening, fulfilling your filial piety, and it should be first place you go after being appointed.

So you call Woo Palace Lady, your new personal attendant, your eyes and ears in the palace, and with her a step behind you go to visit Great Queen Dowager.

She asks you to drink a tea with her, which is quite surprising. You don’t expect members of the royal family to treat you nice, by all means they shouldn’t.

But you sit down on the pillow, carefully placing hand on your stomach. It’s not yet big enough to justify your gesture, it’s not yet big enough not to be concealed by your robes – unless you place a hand over it. Then it’s visible.

Great Queen Dowager only laughs at you.

“I am not your enemy, Sukwon.” She says, as her attendants bring table with tea and snacks. “But don’t be mistaken, I am not your friend either.”

You bow, recognizing truth behind her words. She won’t act unless you threaten integrity of the royal family. At least until you give birth.

“You brought torment to this place.” Says matron conversationally. “But it’s not unexpected is it?”

“Your Highness.” You say, keeping your face straight and she laughs.

“You are good. Trained. Better than Suk Bin will ever be.” She says and takes a sip of the tea that was poured for her.” But Suk Bin is driven. So it Queen and Queen Dowager. Are you driven, Sukwon?”

You realized that she doesn’t even want you to answer. She is offering a warning, or an advice. Or maybe she just wants to shake you up. You caress your stomach.

“Yes… You are driven, aren’t you? Driven enough to make an enemy as powerful as Queen, back when you were only a servant. The mark on your hand. Was that Queen?”

You stare at Great Queen Dowager, savoring the fact that you can. You keep your face blank, but it doesn’t surprise you that she knows. It’s the same as during your trial ages ago – it’s her job to know.

“I see. Take a cake and go. You have to greet Queen Dowager and Queen, and they are not going to be welcoming.” You bow, and your attendant takes offered cake. You stand up, and take a step back, and then turn around to go out. “Be careful, for your sake, this child needs to be born alive.”

She managed to do it. She managed to shake you up, and she did it beautifully, throwing the hardest stone, when you already relaxed, because you saw the escape.

Not only she once again proved to know everything in the palace, she played on your worst fears.

Shoulders squared, and stomach revolting you left Great Queen Dowager’s pavilions, wondering why she wasn’t moved to the spare palace, as she should have been.

You make Woo Palace Lady throw the cake away.

Queen Dowager doesn’t let you in. You expected it, and it wouldn’t sting if it wasn’t for the fact that all palace ladies are going to gossip how you are not accepted into family.

Which is true. But you’d prefer not to be the topic of the latest gossip – you gave them too much entertainment as of lately.

Unsurprisingly Queen refuses to meet you as well.

It’s no wonder – in the end she was doing her best to make sure you’d never be around King, and now she was forced to live as a neighbor to her own lowly-born sister, who was pregnant to her rightful husband.

The fact that you don’t have to face either of them is calming. Your steps back to your pavilion are energetic and you are elated, and you know that Woo Palace Lady is smiling behind your back. Maids, wearing hanboks that just yesterday you were wearing, seeing you move out of the way and bow to show you respect. You know that they are probably rolling their eyes, or swearing at you in their minds, just like you used to do, and it amuses you.

But your good mood is blown away as soon as you reach your pavilion.

Head of the Andong Clan, Minister of Treasury, Father-In-Law to King, your Lord and your Father is waiting for you in front of you chambers.

Instantly you want to vomit. You remember the last time you saw him, and how it ended, and you want to call guards, and throw him out, or maybe accuse him of what he did to you.

But you invite him inside.

In your freshly decorated room, your self-confidence comes back to you, and you sternly go straight to your desk and your pillows, and you sit down facing the doors – in the seat that highest person in the hierarchy should sit. Your Father is second rank, you are only forth, but you are not going to let him feel like a superior.

You can see that it irritated him, but he bows to you.

He bows to you. His lowly-born daughter.

It’s shallow, but it’s still there.

He sits down angrily.

“Have you gone mad?” It’s a first thing that spills out of his mouth. You were considering calling for refreshments, but this once sentence puts you into defensive. “Do you want to destroy your family? And everything we have worked for?!”

He destroyed your family killing your child. Rage takes over you, but it’s not wet one. It’s not anger where you want to cry, and your voice breaks. No, it’s a silent, boiling fury, cold as a stream in the mountains.

“Lady.” You say coolly.

“What?” He spits angrily.

“Have you gone mad, Lady? Do you want to destroy your family, Lady? And everything we have worked for, Lady Sukwon?” You correct him, calmly, seeing the spark of ire in his eyes.

Finally sweet taste in your mouth.

[sizzit]

A little something else:

"Okay. Give me names one more time please."

Bobby rolled his eyes, pointing out each of his friends where they were dispersed across the nightclub floor. He and John had been there for a few hours, sitting at a booth in a corner, shrouded in a hazy mist of smoke and artificial fog. Apparently the smoking ban hadn't quite penetrated the club's defences, which suited John just fine. Bobby had introduced him to his friends briefly, clearly desperate to get him on his own. They had seemed excited to meet him — he had figured Bobby would have spoken about him beforehand, but it didn't seem apparent — he shook hands, made small talk, and allowed himself to be whirled upstairs to a booth where Bobby had spent the night trying — and succeeding — to endear himself to him.

"That's Kyle at the bar, skinny kid with blond hair, looks miserable. That's Peter and Ororo on the dancefloor. No, he doesn't do steroids, and yes she's wearing a wig."

"I knew that was a wig Bobby, she had a mohawk in the Snapchat you sent me yesterday. And which one is Scott?"

Bobby shook his head as he swallowed a mouthful of his drink, "Scott's not here. He doesn't do clubs."

John nodded, "And Hank isn't here either. He's on the sports team, right?"

"Yeah. Honestly, I'm glad he stayed home."

"Why?" John hated to admit it but he was partial to a little interpersonal drama.

"Because there's absolutely no way you'd be sitting here with me if a guy like Hank was here."

"Oh wow."

"Yeah. I'm not sure if he swings like that but you never know. Better safe than sorry."

"I mean, you said Peter swings like that and he's here," he replied, head inclining to Bobby's bodybuilder roommate, who had joined Kyle at the bar. He watched them talk, Kyle's face creased with laughter, and wondered if he looked at Bobby like that. "And yet, here I am. Although, I'm not sure I'd wanna try fight Ororo for custody. She looks like she could beat me up."

Ororo and Peter were going at it on the dancefloor, eliciting both amusement, awe, and anxiety from their fellows. Peter was huge, well over six feet and possibly just as wide. He looked like he had been built in a factory, and Bobby confided in John that he may well have been. Ororo was just as captivating as Peter, and John was a little sad that it hadn't been her working the register that night. Although he wouldn't have wanted to see what Peter would do if he stole his woman.

"They're not together."

"So why are they like that ?"

If they weren't together, John wondered what it would look like if they were, as he had never seen two people dance like that who weren't up in each other's business seven nights of the week.

"I said they weren't together, not that they don't have sex."

"Right. So why is Kyle down there staring at them like a Chihuahua eyeing the mail guy through the window?" Peter had departed, leaving Kyle to whatever sour taste was scrunching his face into a twisted grimace, bringing Ororo some radioactive pink monstrosity in a tall glass. He had one of his own, and John watched their faces as they spoke. They were close, yes, but there was a clear distance, an invisible barrier that kept his hands from her waist, kept her eyes from lingering too long on his mouth. John didn't like to be nosy, but he couldn't help but wonder what their situation is.

Bobby barked a laugh, voice coated in liquor as he spoke — shouted , even — into John's ear, drawing his attention back to the reason he had even come to the bar in the first place. His breath was freezing, somehow, and it sent a shiver up John's back, which he was sure Bobby felt, as his hand had been sitting pretty there the entire night. John shifted against him, moving closer. Bobby's hand slid further around his back, fingertips grazing his hip bones where his jacket had rucked up.

"Listen, you can't tell anybody this, okay."

"Are you really giving me gossip on our first date? You must really like me."

Bobby faltered for a minute, but his flirty smile reasserted itself on his face as he leaned in even closer to John, whisper-shouting into his ear. His lips moved against the ridge of John's ear as he spoke, and he questioned himself as to what exactly he was getting into with this guy. This boy who had seemed so earnest and innocent at the store. This boy who now had him wrapped around his little finger.

Goddamnit.

"Kyle's got it bad for Pete. Won't tell him. Afraid he'll ruin their friendship."

John felt a pang of sympathy for Kyle, mixed with an eye-rolling sense of secondhand embarrassment at his melodrama.

"That sucks."

Bobby laughed again, something in John's disinterested tone clearly tickling him. He freed his arm from behind Bobby's tiny, muscled, waist, turning to fish out his lighter and cigarettes. He lit one up, watching the glow intently to make sure he didn't inadvertently start a blaze. He took a long pull, and let the smoke sit in his lungs for a minute, nicotine on an expressway straight to his brain. He let his head loll back against the seat behind them, eyes focused on the ceiling as he finally exhaled. He was acutely aware of Bobby's eyes on his face — his mouth, his throat — and offered the cigarette to him. Bobby leaned down, eyes locked on John's as he put his mouth to the filter where John held it, letting them fall shut as he inhaled. His mouth held open as he pulled off, tendrils of grey probing the air outside as he held the air in his lungs.

"You think of that one all by yourself?"

Bobby's act cracked a little, a coughing laugh blowing smoke out of his mouth in stuttering spurts, illusion broken. He leaned into John again, arm solid across his shoulders.

Fuck, I could use his bicep like a pillow.

"I might have. Better question is, did it work?"

John answered his question with a hand half way up his thigh and his mouth on his. He tasted alcohol on Bobby's tongue, mixed with some unidentifiable sweetness that seemed to radiate from every part of his body. Bobby's arm shifted, hand cupped around his ass, pulling him close. John ratcheted things up a notch, hand crawling further and further up his pant leg, feeling the coiled strength in his muscles underneath the fabric. Bobby's mouth fell away with a panting sigh, forehead pressed to John's, eyes locked on his hand on his leg. John's middle finger grazed the space in between Bobby's legs, fingernail toying with the rim of his buttons.

"Careful there." Bobby's voice shook a little, and John was proud of himself for being able to pull at the threads of Bobby's little playboy pantomime.

John surged forward with his hand, grinding the heel of his palm into Bobby's crotch as he passed to run his fingernails across his abs and stomach. Bobby's eyelid twitched, and John could hear him choke a moan to death before it escaped his throat. Bobby wasn't letting him have it all that easily, but John knew he had him.

He leaned in, tongue running a line from Bobby's jaw to the lobe of his ear. His voice scratched in Bobby's ear — a metal fork raked across blazing coals — as his hand pinched at his side under his shirt.

"Take me home, Bobby."

Their eyes met again, and he couldn't help but notice the uneasy expression on Bobby's face.

"Shit. Was that too much? I'm sorry. I thought you were into it. We don't have to-"

Bobby's hand gripped his face, cheeks squeezed in between his fingers. He squished his mouth into a pucker, and spoke over him.

"It's not that. Believe me." His other hand pressed John's once more in between his legs, where he wasn't any less interested than before. John's hand squeezed it minutely, to his immense personal joy.

"So what's up?"

"I don't live alone." He jerked his head in the general direction of the dancefloor, "Those freaks live with me. Scott too. He's at home, no doubt waiting up for us in his nightgown with the newspaper. Thought I got away from my Dad when he kicked me out, but then I met Scotty."

Bobby seemed unperturbed by the familial trauma he had just spilled to John, unbidden, so he let it float past, unacknowledged.

"So come to mine, duh."

"I didn't wanna be the one to ask, 's your place dude."

John rolled his eyes, pulling out his phone.

"Suppose I gotta call the Uber, huh?"

See the rest on ao3

[aliyawyg20]

prompt 30, the finale:

because I love me, or if I could see me the way love sees me...

the way I unconditionally loved my cat or fell in love with the love my parents had for each other (#kandrewforlife) or the way I am loving my grandmother so fiercely to make up for lost years, if I could love myself in all these ways, I would gift myself everything. i would buy myself glitter pens and everything on my amazon wishlist or waned wishlist or etsy wishlist, just because i wanted me to have it, even if i would put it all down for a while. i would dye my hair white or get myself a white wig. i would get all the tattoos i dream of having. i would practice winged eye liner and see all the shapes my face can make and not learn to only know this one. i would take my body out of this moldy home and live with a garden and courtyard and pool and plants. i would get a new pillow so my neck wouldn't hurt, and change my sheets to something pretty and loving and soft. i would adopt an animal, maybe become codependent together. i would work on my dreams. i would live my dreams coming true. i would call my friend who i have wanted to call for so long and thank another friend for being in my life since we were two years old and even visit her in europe, where she lives. i would wash my face daily. i would order flower child every day without a care. i would get a vespa to ride away on or even a car to blast music the way we used to when we would go driving to the shore or school. i would invite my dad to come comfort me right now. i would cry in public with no shame. i would tell my heroes i love them. i would take pictures with my friends and have my friends take pictures of me. i wish my friends and family would want to take pictures of me. i would be my own muse. i would say "it's ok that you post on instagram one night begging for support and then want to avoid it fully the next day." i would continue to learn to drive so i could drive myself to the cows or for ice cream or for whatever, wherever, whenever. i would take myself on the road tripand listen to the entire beatles discography, front to back, start to finish. i would buy a new computer to have garageband and make music. i would get a singing coach and guitar and guitar teacher. i would hold myself. i would get a cuddle pillow to hold when i cry because my stuffed animals are very small and hard to hold. i would reach out first to the people i want to reach out to me. i wouldn't give up because i wouldn't want to. i would stop offering people money out of insecurity when i think i owe them my body and time. i would receive gifts and pleasure and joy as easily as i receive pain and shame and punishment. i'd orgasm more and gossip about my own shit less. i would finally buy the canvases so i can paint. i would let go of my idea of scarcity and use my journals that i deem too good for me. i would buy a printer so i can print all the kind things i've been told online. i would buy more art. i'd go to japan, italy, switzerland, france, toronto, mexico, ghana, islands, all over the world. i would build my existence day to day, morning to morning, night to night, as lucas said to. i would share my voice with the world. i would share my songs with my close friends and work on them together. i would perform my poetry and music and make a zine i would stop saying "what am i doing wrong? why does god hate me?" and say "look at what i'm doing well! look at all the things god has to love about me. that i have to love about me." i would buy the overtone colorless $30 hair conditioner. i would stop wearing bras when i can and would get the reduction so my chest wouldn't hurt. i'd probably spend the money on supplements and drink waaay more water than i do. i would act and dance the way i always wanted to. i would only perform on stages and not in my daily life and conversations or writing, nonetheless. i would try everything i wanted to and THEN decide that i don't want to do it anymore. i would jump in the creek, even naked. i would get flip flops so i don't need to wear converse all summer. i would get new converse and heely's. i wouldn't keep checking my phone or the prompt to see if i'm doing it right. i would call the people from my past that i really want to speak to and thank and apologize to. "to live life well because I love myself this much." i would give myself even one thing i wanted. to bless myself after all i have been through.

i would thank them all. thank you Bucky, Grandpa Paul, Uncle Maury, Grandpa George, Mitch, Grandma Judy, Mr. Elder, Hunter, Tim, Mr. Ricci, Ryan, Doug, Dottie, Paul, Lisa Morano, Leelah, Robin Williams, MJ, Mojojojo, Hutchyboy, Daddy Podge. None of you died for me to deserve love and I do not deserve love because I have lost you all. I deserve love for no reason at all, and you all knew that and showed me that the best you could in your owns ways. all incredibly unique. I was conditioned otherwise, because we do the best we can with the information we have at the time. But i know in my truth, it was love you were trying to show me, and love i deserve.

i have been asked to live so many lives in just this one. i am just 22 years old, although i feel like a lost child. i did run away as a kid, but was punished even though i didn't see myself as lost. clash of the cleats weekend. started our family dynamic of concern fairly young. got 16 stitches at age 3 after falling. broke my leg going down the wrong slope, dad closely behind but not close enough. i can still feel the spot it broke. ran away again at 14, first day of school. i didn't like it there or a girl i knew prior to my entry. had the cops restrain me and before that, called emergency services to stop me from dying. self harmed in so many fucking ways. bullied and beaten up. cops called at the ice skating rink. the same one that celebrities posed at. taken advantage of and expelled and ostracized. ran away again to colorado to get help because i finally wanted help. cheated on twice. lost my best friend who was there through all of it, my cat, hutch. lost my dad when things were finally getting really good. the best they'd ever been. i keep a list of all the friends who mattered so much to me before all of this happened but who haven't said anything to me, as if saying nothing and not acknowledging the pain makes it so it isn't real and the pain doesn't need to be seen or acknowledged. i don't thank them for that just yet. i am still angry. love will have me forgive myself for blaming myself for their lack of actions.

love will have me get a hammock and bask in it over a beach. love would have me get the copic markers and lawn chair and snap pea fidget toy and blue contacts and blanket and outdoor blanket and avatar comics and record player and inkbox and sea monkeys and hs "woman" lyric t shirt and devinah eyeshadow and all these things instead of begging others to see me enough to know i want all these things in life and more. love would have me stop praying for a platonic sugar daddy to give me all these things, as if i'd use the money and it'd ever be enough or something i'd feel good about. love would say, "aliya, these things will not fulfill you. you are full and filled. you can have them because you can have them. you are whole and beautiful as you are with all you are and with all you aren't. you are loved if one day you want to have stronger boundaries. you are loved if you stop smiling at the flowers. you are loved while you are breathing. you need to keep breathing. you already know you will be loved long after you stop, do not let that motivate you to leave this earth too soon, too early, before you are ready to. you know the pain that brings, you know how you miss your father. you deserve the freshest coconut juice and the most delicious fruits. you deserve home cooked meals and udon noodles. you deserve anything you fucking want in this world. you deserve to sleep and rest and you hear how tired you are. you deserve to fall in love with yourself. you deserve to be your best version of yourself. you deserve to be your favorite version of yourself. you deserve the same love you give to absolutely everyone else you love so fiercely, even though you don't think you do enough, are enough. you are enough. you need to let others love you. you need to believe them. you need to please stay alive to see the day this person, that others love so dearly, is someone you can love, too. you need to stay alive to see and remember that miracles exist, even though they didn't for your dad's recovery in this life. you need to live to see one direction reband, even if you can't tell him. he only loved them because you did and he loved you. your love for the band and all other things you love still gets to be loved and cherished by you. and how lucky they are to be so. remember to invest in yourself. i know you want to be a better friend and person to others so they can be that to you, but don't you think it's so you can be that to you, too? don't you think it has already worked? can't you see how loved you are by others? i know you can't right now. aliya, my dearest love, you NEED to stay alive because one day, when it is all safe again, everyone who loves you, who really, really loves you, will greet you like you'd be greeted in heaven, with giant hugs and all the things you love and the clouds will smile at you and ocean will kiss you hello and the birds will sing to you and the sun will shine on your face revealing every freckle of yours and heaven will be on earth. it is waiting for you. you will be ready. trust your process. you will see all those who know how to love you and it will be so grandiose and outpouring in love that you will forget all those who couldn't be there for you before. you are here now. you've arrived to your temple of peace, and you are alive to see it. aliya, i am love. i bless you with all your dreams. you will change shapes many times. you will think his death was a catalyst, you will wish he was here, you will learn he still is, you will think you only received it because he gave it to you. you will see and be so much more than you already are or know you will be. believe me on that. trust in love. trust in yourself. you are love. at your best, at you worst, you are love, forever deserving and more. i love you so. dearly, truly, forever yours, your love, aliya love."