#it's that the framing of it TWICE!!!!! in TWO MOVIES!!!! is so similar it makes me mad

[transannabeth]

not to be Dramatic but i need hollywood to stop having the characters who live in the woods away from society who are seen as having a simpler way of life dancing tinikling in like half a scene

it's only happened twice but it's pissing me off

[seventeenlovesthree]

So, as I had pointed out in numerous posts before, the way Daikenyako is framed - or rather Miyakensuke, to keep the correct yearning order -, is pretty damn insane to me.

I still haven't decided whether I find it "too simple" or "just right", because while the framing was incredibly obvious in my opinion, it was still done in a way that didn't feel overbearing. Not only did a big chunk of animation budget go into their scenes specifically, but the dynamics were also played rather consistently.

I had once made a "joke post", implying how the order of yearning basically goes like this: Miyako > Ken > Daisuke > Ramen. And while it was meant to be a joke... Upon rewatching it, it is rather accurate to be honest.

The main theme of these three is usually the following: Daisuke does something brash - like interrupting Miyako, screaming, complaining - OR something inspiring - like giving friendship speeches - and Ken and Miyako react to that in some way. Mostly verbally - but also through physical touch. Miyako and Daisuke have quite a bickering theme going on; Ken is usually softer, but he ALSO has more opportunities to touch Daisuke...

They are literally acting as his "voices of reason", who add to the discussion. In general, Miyako is very responsive to basically everything that Ken says and does, so she is almost always framed next to him - or at least close to him in some capacity. I will outline how Miyaken in particular is framed in another post, just know that she is very obviously and actively trying to reach out to Ken, calming him down, reassuring him, getting his attention.

That becomes even more blatant by the fact that she is getting in between Kensuke moments TWICE - usually to tell them to get their grip together or focus. Technically, this could be seen as her being well aware of how focused Ken is on Daisuke - and that a tiny bit of jealousy may have been involved here. On the other hand, she may just enjoy teasing him/them gently, because, "ya know how the boys are".

Either way, most of the time, whenever the group is together - and Daiken aren't off on their own with Rui -, Daisuke, Ken and Miyako will be together in the same frame 90% of the time.

It's interesting too, because Miyako - while obviously being more thought-driven in comparison to Daisuke's heart-driven actions- uses very similar terms to reach through to Ken. As mentioned, she is actively flirting with Ken through the course of the movie. And Ken, while being mostly oblivious to that - while still being thankful for the reassurance - is trying to reach through to Daisuke on his own behalf. (This is also very nicely framed visually by how much "hand on shoulder" moments there are, with Miyako being very inclined to touch Ken, whereas Ken - as mentioned - is very often seen touching Daisuke.)

Miyako herself notices how Ken had been flirting with Daisuke and acknowledges that by calling them out.

Who does not acknowledge it though? Right, Daisuke doesn't. Either because he simply isn't aware of the blatant flirting - or because he may or may not want to get in between.

I had already lost my mind in the cinema during one of the Miyaken focus moments in which Miyako told Ken that they shall not stop thinking and will find a solution - just to see Daisuke walking out of the frame.

One may argue that this means that Daisuke's true love simply is Ramen - as he keeps bringing it up time and time again -, or that he just wants to give the other two some space, as he may have felt like a third wheel before... Who knows.

To sum it up: I feel like the creators did a very interesting job here. Not only did they acknowledge and portray Kensuke's very ambiguously romantic-platonic relationship, but also committed to making Miyaken more obvious - a ship we know will end up together eventually, but hadn't gotten that much focus previously. Not to mention the blatant use of bisexual lighting here...

On a more light-hearted note: Ken is either caught in a bisexual triangle or we can just assume that this is a very fun depiction of a poly relationship in which all parties allow each other some space - or actively tease each other about it.

[littlemisssquiggles]

Did you see the RWBY volume 9 epilogue?

I'm happy there was more to it than what we got from last year and that we actually got to see characters like Nora Oscar and Ren featured as important characters

I'm especially Happy Oscar actually got to be in it because to be honest he gets excluded so much I was actually shocked he had a part and we actually got to focus on him for once

This also gives me hope that they'll do something similar like they did with cinder ,with Oscar because I believe it was possibly said in a q&a or in a live stream

that originally they wanted to do cinders backstory and volume 4-5 when we thought she got killed off again but they kept having to push it back along with other things they wanted to do for certain characters

and since many think Oscar is possibly not going to make it through his merge and it will be just ozpin/Oz

when it's done maybe we'll actually get to see his past and maybe because Oscar is merging with Ozpin that means his memories are catching up with Oz's memories and will maybe get to see Oz's past too because that's something we've all wondered about as well

and maybe we'll get a hint at where the final relic is because I don't believe the writers are just going to wait tell the last minute to show us were it is I think they're going to hint at it

I don't Oscar part sense he my favorite along side ozpin

what do you think 🤔

Hiya Autumn o/ Thank you so much for your inbox and pardon the late reply.

To answer your first question, yes, I did see the full V9 Epilogue Animatic. TWICE and I plan on rewatching it many, many times because I haven’t recovered from it yet.

I know I’ve been relatively silent these days especially when it comes to this newly dropped animatic. But that’s mostly because I haven’t fully gathered my thoughts on it yet to form a consisive essay.

My head is still reeling from all that was revealed in that short space of animatic frames, particularly the bits about Oscar and what he’s currently going through. As a Pinehead, you just know that part got to me the most because BOI! WAS IT GOOD! Oscar-worthy, as I might say,

So if I may, and if you don’t mind m’fam, I am going to piggyback off of your inboxed message and use this as opportunity to get some of my main thoughts about Oscar’s side of the Epilogue off of my chest. So here I go.

According to the RWBY V9 full Epilogue Animatic…

Oscar’s story with the Merge with Oz has officially started with him isolating himself from his friends while he goes through it on his own, practically dooming him (and essentially Oz as well) to suffer in silence.

But while that’s how things seem to be starting, if it doesn’t end with a scene where Oscar is going through the Merge but this time he’s surrounded by all of his friends all vowing to stay by side through it all and cherish him for who he is---Oscar---no matter who he becomes after the Merge.

If it doesn’t end with all of Oscar’s friends being there for him during the Merge (ESPECIALLY Ruby) then, like Jon Snow , I don't want it.

I don’t know how Oscar’s story will end.

The way I perceive it, Oscar’s story can end in many possible different ways.

In one way, Oscar’s story could end the way it was originally intended to, according to the natural progression of the narrative.---with Salem being defeated, Ozma finally moving on and Oscar being allowed to live the rest of his days as himself, Merge completely avoided.

Or like a Shamalan movie, it can end with a twist. Maybe Oscar isn’t so lucky and doesn’t avoid the Merge like his predecessors and is changed forever.

Maybe Oscar gets attack by Tyrian and “dies” forcing the Merge to happen as a way to save his life.

Maybe Oscar is taken to the Tree and gets to meet the Blacksmith who decides his final fate in the Merge.

Or who knows? Maybe the CRWBY Writers saw the recent 60th anniversary Doctor Who special and have the brilliance to put a new spin on the whole Ozma cycle where instead of Oscar merging with Oz, the two split apart with either wizards retaining their memories and single identities.

Instead of Oscar of losing himself to the Merge, he is set free leaving Ozma to carry on his mission to the Gods as himself. So no more pairing him up with like-minded souls. Like Oscar, Ozma is now his own person with his own agency. So even if he died again, similar to Salem, Ozma was still immortal only now he would simply come back in his original body as opposed to the former latter of playing hot potato with his soul inhabiting another poor innocent man or young boy’s body. All this with the extra added bonus that now we have two great and powerful wizards for the price of one. Both Oscar and the newly reincarnated Ozma (who gets back his original form---the one that was married to Salem and equally as powerful as her) retained his combat-ready muscle memory and shared ability to use magic. So Ozma, naturally fights with his trademark Long Memory, while Oscar uses magic freehand without the need for the cane.

That last one’s a big stretch but like all of my past Pinehead headcanons that I’ve tossed aimlessly into the ether of the FNDM community, I’m keeping it on the table of possibilities since it’d make a sick Oscar the Sorceror’s Apprentice Pinehead headcanon AU. Definitely adding that one to the list.

---

Anyways, getting back on track. Through everything that Oscar has been put through in the story so far, the most I want from this whole Merge storyline is that he doesn’t have to go through it on his own and I don’t mean, he’s going through it with just Oz as his main company.

What I mean for that is, I don’t think the implications of what the Merge means has truly sunk in for the rest of the hero team. A part of me wishes to assume that part of the reason why the rest of the hero team seems so nonchalant about Oscar’s whole merge with Oz is because Oscar has never truly been honest with them about how he really feels about the merge.

The last time Oscar spoke about the Merge with the team was back in V6 when he basically did it in such a “no biggie; don’t worry about me” sort of way that it came off as if he just said it to sound brave in the moment for the sake of the team and for the sake of keeping his own emotions in check.

I say this because as we’ve seen from the events of V7 through V8, Oscar is very anxious about the Merge. He doesn’t want it to happen which is why he and Oz are now fighting to keep it from happening even though it’s already long begun.

Bottom-line, I don’t think Oscar has been completely honest with anyone else outside of Oz about how he truly feels concerning the Merge. And now that it’s happening, he’s basically resolved himself to go through it alone. I don’t even think anyone else in the current group; not Nora, not Emerald, not even Ren (who literally has the ability to read someone’s thoughts and feelings through their emotions) knows about what he’s going through.

I wonder if Oscar puts on a brave face whenever he’s with the others and anytime he feels another “Merger episode” coming along, he quickly excuses himself (probably claiming that he needs to get back to his research in the Archives of Solitude) so the others don’t have to see him going through it.

Ren, in particular, because I’m sure if Ren saw Oscar’s pain from the Merge, he would blurt it out. Ren has now become the unsung singing canary of the hero team after his whole semblance upgrade.

Just like how he blurted out that Ozpin was back during the tunnel walk back in V8 following the rescue mission and escape from Monstro, Ren would definitely reveal that Oscar is going through the Merge if he knew he was going through it and having a painful grand ole time too.

Ren’s inability to remain discrete when revealing another’s true emotions could probably explain why Oscar has been avoiding alone time with him.

If you look at it, Ren is on his own probably stretching himself between helping everyone. It’s also interesting to me that Oscar hasn’t asked anyone else to help look for stuff in the Shade Archives.

Even if Oscar is technically two people in one, that is still a big ass library of books and archives to sift through for even two people. And yet, as we saw from the epilogue, Oscar is ALONE most of the time and I highly doubt no one else offered to help him in the libraries.

I know the Atlesian refugees are a priority but, when you look closely, everyone else is basically sharing the work; helping each other out with something. Nora is supporting folks like SSSN and CVFY.

Same for Ren. Em as well (even though she’s mostly mentioned in notes in the scene in the animatic).

 But when you look to Oscar. He is ALL BY HIMSELF.

Yes, he has Oz with him. But, that doesn’t count. Why hasn’t anyone else volunteered to help Oscar in the archives?

My assumption is because Oscar probably convinced the others to leave the archives to him (and Oz) and prioritize the refugees as a way of ensuring that he’s by himself at all times so no one would have to glimpse his pain from the Merge.

Again, each time a merger episode was highlighted in the epilogue animatic, Oscar was by himself. So my money is that no one knows what Oscar’s really going through.

No one else knows of his mental struggle or pain.

And why I find this interesting is because it kind of parallels Ruby’s whole detachment period from the others in the Ever After before she went to the Tree and what happened at the Mad Tea Party.

Not saying Oscar will share a similar experience as Ruby. I’m just saying, he’s clearly removed himself from the others and acting alone.

As Ren pointed out, he’s not himself. He’s there but…not there at the same time.

This brings me back to my point. Personally, I do want Oscar pulling himself from the team to hide the fact that he’s going through the Merge to be proven canon.

And I want it to be canon so that the first person to pick up that something is clearly off about Oscar’s behaviour to be Ruby.

Maybe Ruby realizes that Oscar is acting weird and when she brings it up, Ren is probably definitely the first person to reveal that he’s been sensing something off for a while but after everything that’s happened, similar to how he’s currently giving Nora space to work things out on her own, Ren has been doing the same with Oscar.

He’s been giving the little prince space when if anyone were to look closely at Ren’s expressions, they could probably see his frustration in being the one to know fully well that his friends aren’t entirely ok and despite wanting to help, he still feels helpless because Ren can’t force his friends to accept his help; no matter how much he offers, y’know what I mean?

I feel like some of RWBYJ’s struggles in the After Ever and how they rose to triumph over them could be mirrored in what NOR is going through now back in Vacuo.

Overall, the point I’m trying to make here is that I just want a moment where Oscar is having another merger episode and he tries to go through it alone, believing that he has to, only to get the reassurance and support he needs from his friends.

I saw someone compare Oscar’s merger episodes to Penny’s battle with Watts’ virus back in V8.

And while I didn’t enjoy the forced heavy focus on Penny during that season, I did sort of like how it culminated in everyone coming together to show their support of Penny and reminding her that she is a part of their team.

That is a type of a moment I want for Oscar. Because unlike Penny, feeling like a part of the team as himself and not just a placeholder for Oz is something Oscar desires.

I want Oscar to push his friends away, believing that he needed to go through this Merge on his own, only to be reminded by his friends in the end that they have his back no matter what.

That he is still a part of their team. That he is still Oscar to them no matter who he becomes in the Merge.

I want a scene where Oscar loses it, possibly even abusing his magic to force walls between himself and his friends only for those said friends to break down those walls and be there for him.

(Maybe even have a moment where Oscar loses control of his magic while trying to fight the Merge and it ends up looking like a moment where everyone thinks it's another Grimm attack when it's actually Oscar whose feelings of the merge have manifested into some kind of monstrous form that Oscar practically cocooned himself inside of).

Y’know that moment in Steven Universe Future where Steven loses control and all of his friends---all the major people he has helped throughout the seasons---come together to help him for once.

I want a moment where the whole team---Ruby, Nora, Ren, Jaune, Blake, Yang, Weiss and Emerald---all of Oscar’s people are there at his side showing him full support as he goes through the Merge; ensuring him that he doesn’t have to be scared of the Merge anymore because no matter who he becomes in the Merge, he will always be Oscar to them.

He’s not Ozpin. He’s not Ozma. He’s sure as hell ain’t Salem’s Ozma. He’s Oscar. Their Oscar

The small, cute farm boy from Mistral who showed up on their doorstep one random night in Mistral and has now cemented himself as one of the most important members of their little team that they will not stand to lose; not even to himself.

I want Oscar to be reminded by his friends that he will be cherished and supported no matter who he becomes in Merge.

Even if Oscar forgot his “old self” due to the Merge, they---his friends, will be there to remind him of who he was because they, as his friends, will never forgot Oscar because to them, he never left.

I just want a moment where everybody group hugs Oscar while he cries about SIX SEASONS worth of repressed tears after all the sh** he's been put through plot-wise. I want it dagnabbit!

Who knows? Maybe Oscar has another painful merger episode and it’s the worse one he’s had since it started and the love and support of his friends surrounding him is what helps to ease him out of it and back to his old farm boy Oscar self.

Just give me one scene like that. That’s all I want.

Don’t know if it will ever come to fruition given the current state of RT and the fate of RWBY as a whole. But hey, still wanted to get that off of my chest.

---

On the subject of the CRWBY Writers possibly showing more of Oscar's past in V10 as he's going through the Merge:

Honestly, at this point, m'fam, it's either now or never.

Now, as in during the events of V10, is the perfect time to give the audience more insight into Oscar's past and who he is. It is practically mandatory at this point that they show it as he is going into a storyline where he's being forced to lose that part of himself. They just have to do it!

Just as how V8 could pretty much be pretty much summed up as another Cinder-centric season similar to V4-V5, V10 could potentially be more Oscar-focused as he's going through the Merge. Like I said, it's the right time for them to do it.

And while I'm unsure of them telling Ozpin's story, maybe that too can be done and do something similar to what they did with Ren and Nora's backstory back in V4.

We got Ren and Nora's whole history in Kunoyuri in an episode that jumped back and forth between the past and the present.

Perhaps Oscar could have a potential episode in V10 where he's having another Merge episode and, as I theorized, he loses control of his magic while a) fighting the Merge again and b) running away/hiding from his friends so that they would've have to see him suffer through it.

So it's an episode that ping pongs between the present day where Oscar's friends are trying to get through to him while he's suffering through yet another painful Merger episode and the past which reveals more of Oscar's backstory leading up to the moment he met Oz and possibly showing other Oscar-centric moments that we, as the audience, never got to see like what happened with Oscar in Argus after his fall out with Jaune (remember we never got to see his side of things and it's something that still bothers me to this day)

Perhaps Ozpin's past is mixed in with it as well as you mentioned and the location of the final relic is actually revealed in Ozpin's memories in a flashback where he entrusted the location to someone. Maybe that person was Summer Rose. Since V9 revealed there is more to Summer Rose's story and that Raven actually knows more about that; perhaps Summer Rose's disappearance is connected to the final Relic or at least the final vault?

I dunno.

Overall, I definitely do like the idea of a potential episode of V10 fully dedicated to sharing bits of both Oscar's past as well as Ozpin's; specifically during his time as headmaster of Beacon when Team STRQ were still students since it could potentially reveal more on where Oz hid the location of the Vault of the Fall Maiden and the Relic of Choice. And if that episode is then followed up by an episode that shows the hero team---all of Oscar's friends actually helping him through an episode of the Merge then even better.

I think that would be pretty amazing. Hope that helps answer your questions m'fam. Let me know.

~ LMS (2024)

[valkyriephoenix98]

Possible Theory on sonic3

Okay, just heard me out

The Last post I made a theory on how the possibility of metal sonic showing up in the film, I don't think I fully explained how and why.

Let me explain...

Last post I point out the quill and how Eggman still technically has it and the two times he has used it was on his prototype ship from the first movie at the near end and the second movie , he used it to make that disc thingy to create a signal at the beginning..

So here's a thought, what if in the third one it begins with the aftermath of the second film and Agent Stone overhearing the file that had the secret stuff that leads to Project shadow and tells Robotnik about it and then comes up with a plan to find it first before they do..

So what if during the Knuckles series, Agent Stone..being a "double agent" acts as a spy of sort to "distract" G.U.N. by leading them the wrong way some how and before the third movie starts, they need a much more.."Bigger" distraction..

And that is where (in my way of saying)

"Project Hypersonic" comes to the act.

They make metal Sonic to cause a bit of trouble..making G.U.N. think it's Sonic causing trouble and be more focused on him while Robotnik and Stone go the other direction and find it first.

Also not to mention that the two films, Robotnik hasn't taken the name Eggman as his own...yet..

So the idea of G.U.N. being convinced that he's dead could be an opportunity...

Dr. Robotnik maybe dead....but the official Hatching of Dr. Eggman maybe an interesting way to use that name..

The name that started off as a joke name by Sonic and later on after that second movie fight owns the name as "transformation" .. like a Phoenix raising from the metaphorical ashes (dumb joke I know).

Plus G.U.N. wanted to remove any possible information on Robotnik either way...so how can you get rid of somebody that just decided to give themselves a new name that sounds silly and didn't say "sike I lived" right off the bat.

So using the joke name that sonic gave him and made it his own and making a robotic copy to frame sonic for crimes he didn't do

As well as unleashing not only another hedgehog that looks strangely similar to him...but the possibility of the world being in trouble by a second moon ... sorry..space station with an eclipse cannon and a Giant salamander...

I can tell that this film "MIGHT" not only mention the themes of how one copes with loss ...but also on the effects of Revenge.

Eggman's would be on not being able to handle the fact that he has lost to a blue hedgehog....twice.

So chances he might crack a little, to a point he makes a robotic sonic so he can use it against him fight fire with fire you will..

And I bet he's secretly hiding in a very unlikely place for him to even hide..because going back to his place might not be a great idea....I'm guessing he'll be hiding in either a casino...or abandoned funfair..by the beach..I mean with all the crazy rides and games...I wouldn't be surprised if he starts making his Robots look almost like the ones in the games or shows .

But Hey..

That's Just a Theory

[puppuptrixii]

Hi folks! It's me, Pups, CEO of not being normal about Bunny Bubble.

I have a new theory for the world to question my sanity with.

First, here is a recap of episode 2 and 3 for people who may have not seen them or have and need a refresh.

Here is my episode 1 recap and theory here.

Episode 2:

Bunny Bubble reads the first note that just says "alone."

Bubble adds bunny ears to builds to make friends.

The duck Bubble built went missing, and another player, Staraptor, was framed for it.

Other objects went missing with similar signs pointing to the same culprit.

Bunny Bubble, AND I QUOTE, "took away his breathing privileges" by taking his base to the sky via duck.

She finds out later on that two different players, Zsm and Ratrick, were behind it.

A group of players, including Bubble, who had their stuff stolen by them, decided to make the scary tower they live in be promoting the Barbie movie (aka making it pink and girly).

They scattered the parts of the original tower around the map.

The two found out about the prank and weren't so pleased.

Bunny Bubble was blamed for the doorbell being broken and was then locked in the room with the doorbell being forced to fix it.

She had what I could describe as either a panic attack or meltdown from being shouted at and endlessly hit.

She eventually got killed and ended up back home where a new not greeted her, "Come and find me."

Episode 3:

Bubble takes over as narrator while the actual narrator gets a pizza.

Bunny Bubble gets started on a chessboard, which will cover the spawn of the server.

We get introduced to IRL Bubble, who gets a real chessboard as research. In the long run, this research didn't matter that much.

She assigned each member of the server a type of chess piece.

She made the first few and was going okay with the project.

The narrator came back with a pizza that was cold because they're a disembodied voice even though we heard their footsteps earlier.

Bubble found herself in a few problems like the lack of terracotta and brown dye on the server.

She figured out an easy way of getting terracotta and a very hard way of brown dye.

She had to get brown dye from wandering traders, which took a very long time because they only had a small chance of having it.

She finally found one, which then died because of a flood prank caused by Delilah.

Bubble was told that the flood wouldn't last that long, but the flood lasted for about 2 months.

Bubble decided to go on a revenge arc and remove the water herself.

So that's where we got to so far. But one question remains...

WHO IS THE NARATOR?

Here are my ideas from least to most insane.

A version of Bubble, possibly based on another Wonderland character like the Cheshire Cat. This is the most likely since Cheshire Cat can go invisible and the purple colour scheme.

Benjamin, since we haven't met him officially in the story at the time of writing this, and we don't know his voice yet.

Editor Bubble, since she does compile the story together, and we've only seen them twice so far technically.

Bunny Bubble from the future, and it's her looking back on it all.

THE ORIGIN THAT WASN'T VOTED ON THE ORIGINAL ANNOUNCEMENT, THE PLANT GOLEM BUBBLE.

Some of them could not be true, and some could, but I have a hunch that the narrator is not telling us something.

Or am I just going insane? Who knows!

[macgyvertape]

Vampire Chronicle Movies liveblog/thoughts

Before watching both these movies I had only seen the 2022 show and seen a few posts about the larger fandom. It was very interesting to watch both as part of my "watch any vampire movie a person recommends to me". My commentary on it got long enough I've split it into it's own post

Interview with the Vampire (movie)

Huh going from the show where Louis is a black man to the movie where Louis is a white slave plantation owner with a dead wife & child fundamentally makes him a different person and the framing of the story different. 

I know the 90s were a lot more limited in what they could show of gay romance but no church/wedding scene at all :( 

Lestat still has a great sense of fashion sense in this. I haven’t read the book and don’t know the lore but I’m surprised there’s no mind reading or telepathy in the movie

Was Louis the original confederate vampire where fans are like "he isn't racist look at him free those slaves that one time" and ignore everything else? 

I found the graphic violence in show IWTV crossed the threshold of making me uncomfortable a few times, but it was interesting to read that some audiences found the violence and gore in this movie uncomfortable when I didn’t blink twice.

Claudia in the movie being trapped forever at an even younger age is more horrifying. She can’t even cut her hair and have that bodily autonomy

I’m shocked at how quickly and easily Claudia goes from “we should kill Lestat” to following through and “succeeding”. 

Lestat returning only to be set on fire by Louis protecting Claudia, this is so different than the show, and they escape a lot earlier than WW2. 

The comedy of Santiago’s ceiling walk felt so out of place 

Oh wow there’s a full female nudity scene in the theater performance, I was expecting just a standard vampire movie topless scene

The vampires busting in was so overdramatic with the music. Funny to see the sun room and recognize it it from WWDITS. 

What a fucking brutal way for Claudia and that other woman to go, I think this scene as Louis is walled up is the horror element I found the strongest, because it's just so emotional

Good on Louis for killing all those vampires. Santiago tried the "teleport behind him" and it didn't work at all

This scene between Louis and Armand is SO CHARGED

I think it's interesting what movies Louis watches; Nostferatu, Gone with the wind?, Superman

Random helicopter but I was shocked how weak Lestat was and how Louis was numb enough to just leave him

"I want what you have" a very different Daniel Malloy

Lestat attacked Daniel?! Very on the nose music "I'm a man of wealth and taste" this was not how I expected the movie to end AT ALL

Thinking of this alongside other media that’s gotten a remake where people’s entry point is the newer adaptation, its hard not to watch this and compare it to the show version. Of course the show version has a longer runtime to explore the characters and could be explicit vs the 90s queercoding, so it feels like apples and oranges to compare the two but I prefer the show versions especially with Daniel Malloy. A friend who doesn’t watch vampire movies said this reminded her of “A League of their Own” for similar 90s movie that was queer coded vs modern show remake that is open about it.

Queen of the Damned:

My roommate after seeing the trailer: "Oh no early 2000s really got to them (derogatory)"

"[The world] sounded better" then it's extremely mid rock

Lestat's singing is awful. I cant tell if it's the actor's fault or the directing. (Looking it up: seems the front man for Korn did the singing)

There's a paranormal group that knows about vampires?! What’s their survival rate?

I thought Lestat killed his Maker (but Lestat is also a lying liar who lies). Marius looks incredibly generic like just some dude, I think it's the short hair and this movie's cheaper costumes. 

Its very funny trying to picture this B movie level plot happening with the tv show

It took half the movie for Akasha to appear then her dance scene feels very male gaze. Disappointed she never really got any characterization

I thought the weird flying bit was sex but it was just flying

All of Jesse's lines sound so stilted, is her whole thing she studies vampires so much she’s horny for them?

Oh hey its Disturbed “Down with the sickness” the best music in this movie (aside from the fiddle bit)  even with only 10 second of “Ooh, wah-ah-ah-ah”

All these vampires attacking him onstage, wouldn’t that also break the masquerade?

The fight choreography this whole movie has been laughable

The movie is more interesting headcanoning Lestat’s desperate call out to other vampires as a need for Louis to notice him and come back

The best thing this movie did was the number of times vampires stood in the shadows and had their eyes glowing before walking forward

Jesse’s bra strap poking out during this dramatic feeding scene kind of kills the vibe

Why is Akasha so into Lestat she could do better, and the fact she has like 3 full scenes despite being the titular character is really disappointing

Rating: better than Morb but worse than Twilight (I like alt rock)

[ithisatanytime]

Astra King - First Love (Official Video)

 one piece sucks, not the netflix adaption the cartoon is just as bad if not worse than the cartoon, you just have bad taste when it comes to narrative story telling and thats fine. there were no great animes made after 2001 and maybe one or two good ones that honestly you could skip and not really miss out on anything. anime was good for a narrow window of time because kikifying a country is a process and it takes time, for a short window japan had all of this tradition and folklore that resonated with the western spirit and access to technology required to make decent art from that frame of mind. as the years wore on they could still make the cartoons look colorful but it was gutted and soulless. any show that goes on for more than 2 or 3 seasons maximum is gonna be shit with maybe one or two exceptions, dragonball works because it was always for kids! and it had a good message, work hard, be good etc, shows like naruto and one piece act like they are for kids but they are actually for teenagers and adults with very bad taste in narrative stories, and it shows in the final product, dragonball was a power fantasy that served the aim of installing good morals and attitudes in children, naruto, one piece, etc are just pure power fantasies for weak malformed men, in a lot of ways its similar to stranger things but for men where as stranger things served that same function for women, every time eleven used her psychic powers she would like tilt her head down and forward to make her eyes appear dark, and i cringed so hard it literally helped cost me a fucking relationship i just couldnt handle it. if you are a man who likes one piece odds are you are fucking gay and about one bad week away from trooning out, if you are a male who likes naruto the good news is you are just gay. btw i hardly consider dragonball past a certain point “Great” its just good while still having many of the same faults that these terrible modern animes have and i wanted to highlight what distinguishes the two kinds of long running serial animes a litte bit, i think prior to GT akira toryama had some vision, there was something he aimed to achieve and he more or less acheived it, even gt which is TERRIBLE has moments of genuiness sprinkled throughout and id rather watch the entirety of gt twice than a single season of naruto. i dont watch anime because im not a fucking child, i dont care about it tbh, what i do care about is the subculture thats sprung up around it literally decades after anything worth a shit came out of japanese animation, these people are automatons, mainly the men as women liking anime, even bad anime is fine in my opinion weirdly its actually a sign they she sucks less than the average woman but thats a post for another time as this is already getting long, modern anime fans the men mainly, are npcs, without question or exception. if you are a man and you still watch movies and television and you have a vision of a future in which you are not wearing dresses and or sucking cock just stop before its too late, watch some old cowboy movies! im dead serious once you let your attention defecit disorder adjust to the slightly slower pace you will find old cowboy/samurai/noir movies have everything you were looking for in anime and more, with the upside that its not literally going to turn you gay which modern anime will, how many of your anime friends are gay or trans or nonbinary? how many of my friends are any of those things? zero. cowboy movies, samurai movies, noir films, no later than the eighties. all modern anime fans are literally guy, if not openly, in private.

[protect-namine]

the ED seems to be a reference to h.g. wells' the time machine! the novella is about a time traveler who goes to the future, using a time machine that looks similar to the one in the link click ED.

for comparison, I'll show here several time machines. the first two are from link click's ED, the second are book covers of the novella, the third are from movie adaptations of the novella (1960's the time machine and 2002's time kid).

another interesting thing is that the novella actually a frame story where the original narrator talks about the time traveler's adventures (the time traveler is not the narrator). it's a story within a story, which is something link click loves.

it ties in with link click's idea of using photographs (and maybe, if the ED hints at it, daguerreotypes too? paintings and statues?) to go back in time to experience other people's stories through another medium. lu guang sees the past through cheng xiaoshi possessing people, using pictures as a frame of reference. interestingly, qiao ling seems to have taken over lu guang's role as the guide in the ED, and I have theories about this, but that's for later.

in the novella, when the time traveler goes back to the present, he talks about his adventures to his dinner guests, including the original narrator. but the reader hears the story from the original narrator, not the time traveler. the next day, the narrator found the time traveler preparing to time travel again and promising to return. the narrator waited for three years before writing, but the time traveler still hasn't come back.

in some continuities, the time traveler stayed in the future for good because he fell in love with weena, an eloi (a post-human race in the future) who he saved from drowning. in his first time travel adventure, weena was helping him look for his time machine (which had gone missing) so he can go back to the present.

okay, very wild speculation time under the cut because this post is now getting long.

so there's this whole thing about stories within stories right. and if we're making parallels to the novella, I think qiao ling is the narrator, lu guang is weena, and cheng xiaoshi is the time traveler.

so what I think happened is that lu guang and cheng xiaoshi already went to the old manor in the past, and maybe that's related to how they got their time powers. okay, back in the present: lu guang dies. what I think will happen: qiao ling finds out about the time travel and takes over lu guang's role as the guide to cheng xiaoshi when he time travels (idk how that works, but hey the show never really explained how time travel really works either). then, cheng xiaoshi time travels back to the past (with qiao ling watching over him) to where he and lu guang were first investigating the manor. now, cheng xiaoshi can possess people in the past, but this is his past. so, theoretically, he can take over his old body and talk to past!lu guang. and maybe by going to the past like this, cheng xiaoshi affects the event that gave them time powers in the first place, which might "break" the rule that death is an unchangeable node in time.

cue some details about how cheng xiaoshi and lu guang are also parallels to the ED's man who made a time machine to visit this woman who was probably his wife.

why I think that cheng xiaoshi visits the manor twice in different time periods: so I'm not sure what the sound effect is, but there is a sound of either a casette tape or a clock that occurs twice. the first time is right before the rap in the ED starts, the transition between the scene where the man was shot and the scene where cheng xiaoshi and lu guang enter the manor. the second time happens at the end of the ED after they discover the time machine in the basement. they are technically different sounds though, like maybe a film reel starting and then ending.

anyway, this is all speculation so season two will probably take off in another direction. but I think it's super fascinating how they're taking inspiration from the time machine and being very obvious about it in the ED.

Passing by to yell about the reveal of the S2 Ending. It's so gooooood 😭😭😭

I JUST SAWWWW I IMMEDIATELY DOODLED SOMETHING FOR ITTTT listen . listen there's symbolism in there and i wanna go insane over it

FIRST OF ALL love the art direction here, they're really going hard with paintings and older memoirs (like the statue) instead of photographs which is REALLY interesting! i don't remember the entire plot of the ed accurately mainly bc i saw One frame and drew it lol, but iirc the photograph of girl held by the bearded man burnt to a crisp, and we THEN see what i presume is both of them in the painting - with the man donning wings reaching out to the girl!

OK SO HERE'S WHERE I WANT TO GO INSANE

I'M NOT SURE IF THIS PAINTING IS REAL, BUT I WANT TO IMAGINE THAT THIS IS AN "ICARUS" WHO FLEW TOO CLOSE TO THE SUN TO BE WITH HIS LOVED ONE AGAIN!! and cheng xiaoshi is looking not at the woman, but at "icarus"!

i HOPE we get self sacrificial xiaoshi bc 1. it'd be so delicious narratively and 2. this whole ed is too good of a metaphor NOT to be

[loveshotzz]

New Years Eve

Steve Harrington X Fem Reader

Summary: Steve throws a New Years Eve party in hopes to win Nancy back, when she shows up with Jonathan and your best friend Eddie show’s up to the same party with his new girlfriend Chrissy you need Steve just as bad as he needs you.

Warnings: word count 3K. Angst, Comfort, Smut, fluff. We got it all here folks. Minors DNI.

Author’s Note: This is my first Steve Fan fic, I was nervous to write this but the idea came into my head and I couldn’t get it out. Comments, feedback, Likes, and reblogs are all appreciated!

Tag list: @emotionaldreamer

Master list

All I do is cry and complain because second’s not the same.

It was the way Eddie looked at her like she put the stars in the sky that really killed you. You kept telling yourself to stop staring at them, but the masochist in you kept yourself pressed against the wall in Steve Harrington’s living room. Red solo cup in hand filled whatever concoction that was thrown together in the large punch bowl, watching your best friend fall in love with someone that wasn’t you from across the party.

“One hour till Midnight!”

Rolling your eyes you throw back the rest of your drink, the warmth of the liquor coating your stomach. When you see Eddie start playing with Chrissy’s perfect pony tail while he’s got her caged between himself and table you decide you’ve finally had enough. Pushing yourself off the wall that had been your home for most of the night you shove through the sea of dancing drunks, the bass of the loud music vibrating under your feet. You don’t even understand why Steve throws these parties, every time you would find him at one he never seemed like he was ever having any fun. This one though, this one you knew he threw in hopes Nancy would come. Ever since Jonathan moved to California his determination to get her back has been at an all time high. But when Nancy shows up tucked under Jonathan’s arm excitedly telling every one the story about how he surprised her, Steve disappears. Unlike you he didn’t like to torture himself. At least not to the degree you were willing to go.

The kitchen is empty when you walk in, letting out a relived sigh not having to engage in small talk with anyone. You make your way to the crystal punch bowl in the middle of the kitchen island, stepping on cups, streamers, and party hats on the way.

“Slobs” you mutter under your breath.

You’ll help Steve clean up tomorrow, misery loves company right? At the rate you were drinking you weren’t making it home tonight. Even after a night of pathetic pining you weren’t going to subject yourself to a car ride home with the two of them.

“It’s still not midnight yet?” The sound of Steve’s voice makes your blue eyes snap up from the red liquid you were pouring in your cup. He looks like someone kicked his dog. You can’t help but want to reach out and hug him because you know exactly how it feels, and something tells you that you probably look the same.

“I’m afraid not.” You hum with an equally sullen tone taking a big gulp from your cup.

Steve’s eyes go soft on you taking in your slightly wobbly frame, filling up your red solo cup for probably the sixth time that night. Steve knows how you feel about Eddie, you two had actually become closer in your similar predicaments. It just felt good to be with someone who understood how much it hurt all the time. On nights where neither one of you could stand being alone, you’d keep him company in his giant empty house, with his parents never anywhere to be found It had become a comfort to both of you. So much of a comfort that your weekly hangs outs had become almost nightly. You’d spend your evenings watching whatever movies Robin sent him home with, talking till the sun would slowly peak through his blinds. Sometimes you two wouldn’t even talk at all, wrapped up in each other’s arms you’d do your best to will the loneliness away.

“Wanna get out of here?”

Steve doesn’t even have to ask you twice.

No one notices when the two of you sneak off to the basement together, hand in hand. You can’t help yourself when you take one last look in the direction of Eddie, breaking your own heart into oblivion when you see his lips pressed firmly against hers, fingers still wrapped in that damn pony.

Squeezing Steve’s hand tighter you follow him down the stairs vowing to yourself to never look back.

Steve flicks on the light revealing the one part of the house he’s kept off limits from the rest of the party. It’s your special place.

The sliding glass door that leads to his back yard gives you the perfect view of the crisp cool winter night. The trees look frozen in the cold. There’s a small bar nestled in the corner opposite of the worn leather couch that you had grown to be your favorite place to sleep. His Dad’s expensive crystal glasses twinkle in the moonlight, A half drank glass of already poured bourbon sits on the wood of the coffee table. The TV was on but muted, some New Year’s Eve count down show playing silently. So this is where Steve had been hiding. There’s a small part of you thats mad he left you up there alone to fend for yourself, but a new feeling rises up in you one that you weren’t expecting when you realize tonight was never about you. Jealousy.

“Wanna glass? It’s better then whatever that punch is that you’ve been pounding all night.” He’s smirking slightly reaching over to grab the solo cup from your hands, his finger tips brush against the top of yours and you think it’s the alcohol that makes his light touch go straight to your core. You couldn’t actually like Steve could you? You were in love with Eddie and he was in love with Nancy. You two didn’t make sense. His hazel eyes stare intently into yours almost as if mirroring your thoughts pouring the expensive liquor into an even more expensive glass. You run your fingers along the top of the couch nervously before taking your usual spot next to his empty one.

“Thanks for finally saving me Harrington, only took you less then an hour till midnight to do it.” you can’t help but give him a hard time, hoping your usual banter will ease the new tension you can feel stifling the air.

“Yeah, look I’m sorry about that I just needed to be alone for a minute. This whole night kinda blew up in my face if you hadn’t noticed.” There’s a light clink of the matching bottle closing before he makes his way over to you, Steve’s fingers are gripping around the rim of the glass when he’s hands it to you, your eyes becoming eye level with the crotch of his jeans. How had you never noticed how well they fit before? The sight makes you swallow thickly shaking your head, a creeping guilt for thinking of someone other then Eddie like that.

When you meet his apologetic eyes you can see they are slightly bloodshot. Steve had been crying and it almost makes you want to burst into tears yourself.

Taking the drink from him you quickly reach out with your free hand grabbing tightly onto his before he can pull it away. Steve doesn’t say anything and he doesn’t try to move, his eyes locked onto yours the two of you stay in a comfortable silence. The bass and muffled chatter from the party upstairs drown out the sound of the quickened beats of your hearts.

“It’s okay Steve.” It’s simple when it leaves your mouth in just above a whisper afraid your voice might crack “We’re gonna be okay.” You decide in this moment comforting Steve is going to be the only way to make you feel better too.

You rub soft circles with your thumb on the top of his hand there’s something unrecognizable dancing behind his eyes when they darken, the intensity of it making you shift deeper into the cushions of the couch tugging at him as you go.

For the first time all night you see Steve smile, this one just reaching his eyes but you’ll take it. Grabbing his own drink off the table Steve only lets go of your hand to get situated in his usual spot next to you. The short sleeves of his dark blue polo accentuate the muscles in his arm as it lifts to wrap around you, tucking you tightly into his side. His fingers tangle themselves into your hair scratching lightly at your scalp, a position you two have found yourselves in before. Something felt different about this time, the lazy strokes of his fingers make your eyes roll in the back of your head the smell of his cologne swirling around you invading your senses makes you dizzy.

“At least we have each other tonight.” He whispers his lips ghosting over your hair line all you can do is nod into his chest, lost in the feeling of his touch. You wished you weren’t holding this damn glass of bourbon you didn’t even want, the strong urge to wrap your arms around him greedy to get him closer.

“We got 15 minutes left of this god awful night.” Your eyes snap open to see the countdown on the TV screen, the seconds slowly clicking down. The thought of Eddie pulling Chrissy in for a kiss instead of the sloppy cheek kisses you’d grown accustomed to every year at midnight made you want to slam the expensive liquor down your throat, and that’s exactly what you did. Pulling roughly away from Steve you down your drink, it’s surprisingly smooth as it slides down your throat. Warmth tingling through your whole body as you slam the glass down on the coffee table burying your face in your hands.

“hey, hey! Holy shit that was a sipper y/n” It takes Steve a minute to process your sudden outburst when his eyes go back to the TV he sees a couple kissing giddily confetti falling around them. Setting his glass down he scoots closer to you, your thighs press together as his hand starts rubbing softly up an down your back with gentle pressure. It was Steve’s turn to comfort you.

“He’s an idiot, I should know he’s my friend too.” Steve tries when you don’t lift your head up he bites his lip desperately wanting you back. “It’s never gonna want to work with him and Chrissy, not in the long run.”

That makes you snap you head up at him, the rage and hurt in your eyes has him drowning.

“I don’t want to be anyone’s second choice Steve, someone’s after thought. Like ‘Oh, I guess y/n’s always been there lets give that a try.’ “

With your faces inches from each other Steve is finally noticing just how beautiful you are. Steve had always thought you were attractive but with you both so wrapped up in other people he never noticed just how much you took his breath away. The way the moonlight from the window is hitting the shine in your hair makes it look like there’s a halo on top of your head.

“What if someone didn’t know you were a choice.”

Your eyes widen at the double meaning in Steve’s words, his hazel eyes hold a nervous glint in them as they dart back and fourth from your lips.

“Steve” his name falls from your lips in a whisper, you don’t pull away too afraid to say anything but not wanting him to stop either. His hand travels from your back to the nape of your neck, his fingers wrap around the curve pulling you towards him. Your eyes are locked on each other, silently trying to communicate how much you both need this right now.

His lips brush against yours for the first time and it makes you suck a breath in, your body already reacting to him. His other hand comes up finger tips dancing across your cheek, before they tangle themselves into your hair pulling you in finally closing the gap.

You weren’t expecting to like kissing Steve so much, but when his tongue runs along your bottom lip all you want is more. When you finally push the unnecessary guilt away and lose yourself in him you can’t help but finally shove both hands in his infamous hair pulling yourself closer, and it’s just as soft as you thought it would be.

Steve grunts lightly when you give his hair a gentle tug, your tongues dancing for dominance in each other’s mouth, his fingers leave their place from your neck to dig into the soft flesh of your hips the thin material of your dress riding up as he pulls you on his lap, the bulge hidden underneath his denim hits your clit at just the right angle when your knees rest on either side of his thighs, the moan that leaves your mouth is almost pornographic. With just the fabric of your underwear as a barrier you know exactly why his pants fit him so well now, and you can feel Steve’s lips turn up into a cocky smirk against yours.

His mouth leaves yours to leave wet sloppy kisses down your neck, licking and sucking at the special spot in the dip that you never told anyone about. Rocking your hips against his you can feel the pressure of your orgasm starting to build at the delicious friction of his denim. Your hands still buried in his hair you pull him even closer needing more. Steve was making you needy.

“Tell me what you want.” he breaks away nipping the spot he as just sucking on, his hands keeping a firm grip on your hips, rocking you at a slow pace against him. When he looks up at you, you’ve only seen his eyes look like that when they were directed at Nancy. But Steve was looking at you like that tonight.

“I want you.” You hold his gaze when you say it, you want him to know that you’re sure. You’re sure of him.

Leaving his place from your neck he captures your lips again, your words giving him all the confidence he needs. They move against you more sure and deliberate then before, slower. When your tongues meet each other again they move lazily against each other, your hips still grinding at his slow pace you know you’re leaving a mark on his jeans.

“Need you Steve.” You can’t wait anymore reaching down between you two popping the button of his jeans, helping you he shimmy’s his pants down just enough for his erection to pop out of its painful confines. He was even bigger then you had pictured, with a slight curve you could see the large vein popping out of the side. All the rumors you heard in school were true.

Biting your lip you reach out wrapping your hands around him his hips jutting up to meet your grip.

“Fuck- you got me so hard baby.” Hearing how worked up you had Steve made your strokes more deliberate loving how good you were making him feel, you could feel yourself becoming addicted to it. “Need to be inside you before midnight.”

Almost forgetting there was an entire New Years Eve Party going on upstairs you turn around to look at the TV to see 3 minutes. 3 minutes until everything changes.

Lifting yourself up on your knees you push your soaked panties to the side, lining him up at your entrance. His tip hits your barrier and it makes him throw his head back against the couch, his fingers leaving bruises on your hips.

“So fucking wet - jesus.”

Working slowly at his length you push yourself down on him, your walls sucking him in tightly and it makes you feel full when you are completely sat on his lap. Your hands shoot out grabbing onto his shoulders needing him to feel grounded.

“You’re so big baby, fuck you feel so good Steve.” Your voice comes out in a whine as you slowly start to rock yourself against him, the curve of his dick hitting your sweet spot with every jut of your hips.

“God, it’s like your swallowing me alive sweetheart. I’m not gonna last long” he makes quick work of the straps of your dress pulling it down to reveal the blue lace of your bra, taking two handfuls his eyes watch as your tits move up and down with each bounce. The moon light hitting you perfectly for the second time tonight, Steve thinks you look absolutely gorgeous riding his dick. You’ve been here this whole time.

“10”

The chant of the party upstairs has both of you becoming desperate to find your release, Steve’s hips starting to meet yours with every thrust. The new intensity has you teetering over the edge, and you can feel your eyes start to close as the tension builds.

“9”

Steve’s movements become more sporadic as his own orgasm threatens to burst, and he wants your lips again. He needs your lips again, grabbing your chin he roughly pulls you to him. You kiss like your trying to devour each other both of you needing more even this close and you can feel your walls start to flutter around him.

“8”

“I’m so close Steve, I’m gonna cum.” Your lips break away from his as you focus your attention on finding your high, rolling your hips trying to take him even deeper. His hands rest on your thighs giving you an encouraging squeeze sitting back slightly watching you take what you want from him. “Look at me when you cum, you’re so beautiful like this.”

“7”

Steve’s words are enough to send you flying over the edge, your eyes never leave his when your orgasm washes over you, nails digging into his shoulders, back arched, his name falling from your lips like a prayer.

“6”

“Jesus- that was so fucking hot, you’re gonna make me cum baby.” Steve’s grip on your hips gets even tighter as he starts chasing his own release, his hips pushing up into you in a desperate rhythm. He’s close.

“5”

When you finally calm down enough to get a good look at Steve, his hair is everywhere but somehow looks like it’s exactly where it’s suppose to be, bouncing with each thrust of his hips. His eyes look blown out, completely taken over by lust and they swallow you whole. His bottom lip is tugged between his teeth and all you can think about is how much you can’t wait to kiss him again.

“4”

You hands leave their place from Steve’s shoulders to cup his cheeks holding his face as his thrusts become short and quick you kiss the tip of his nose and his cheeks before you hover above his lips “Let go for me baby, you did so good.”

“3”

When Steve cums he thinks he might cry, your words mixed with the way your walls continued to close around him the entire time milking him for everything he was worth, he doesn’t think he’s ever cum this hard in his life. Perched on his lap, your hair mussed up from his fingers, your lips swollen from his lips, Steve wishes he could take a picture.

“2”

Both your hands find their way back into his hair, knowing him you better be careful with that not wanting him to think you’re obsessed but you can’t resist. You can feel him starting to soften inside you, the remains of you two slowly leaking out as you pull yourself closer to him.

“What do you want for the new year Harrington?”

“1 - HAPPY NEW YEAR”

Steve doesn’t answer you, crashing his lips into yours he does his best to try and show you just how special this night was, how special all your nights have been. He’d just been a fool to not see what was in front of him and if Eddie wasn’t going to show you how special you were he was going to his damnedest to try to.

PART TWO RIGHT HERE BB’S

[king-star]

hii! can you please make a natasha x reader fic where they both have been dating for a while and it's natasha's birthday and the reader surprises her with a brand new suit that she made herself and nat cries bc she never got a meaningful gift and the reader also surprises her with cake and more romantic gifts. you could make the reader tony's sister so it would make more sense that she's good at making suits but you don't have to!! thank you sm i need sum cute natty 😫

Birthday Suit

Warning: Use of the pet name Sunflower,

Match: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Genre: Fluff

A/N: So this one was fun. I hate my birthday but this actually was cute. I’m trying a new way of presenting the dialogue. aesthetically it looks better but I’m not sure how it reads. I've seen other authors do the dialogue on completely seperate lines so just lmk if this is good.

Word Count: ~2.5 k

Summary: It’s Natasha's birthday, and despite her acting like she hates it you shower her with love.

The smell of cooking cake fills the compound. Even from the workshop, where you are, the sweet scent permeates the air. You have been baking for long enough to know what that smell means, the cake is almost done.

You check the clock on the wall. 2:44. Nat would be home at 5.

“Shit. I need to get this done,”

You shake your head and set down your wire cutters. The list of everything you need to get done before she arrives rolls through your mind.

It was her birthday. She didn’t know her actual birthday so years ago she made one up. The chosen date was a closely guarded secret she only shared with those she trusted most. For the most part the assassin didn’t even celebrate. When you had asked a week prior what she wanted to do she had brushed you off claiming,

“I don’t really care. As long as I get to be with my love.”

She had kissed you, hoping the kiss would fog your mind from any further planning. Unfortunately for her you were a big schemer, always going as big as you could for your friend’s birthdays.

You walked out of the workshop, making one last longing look at her unfinished gift on your messy work table. No one was around today. The one Saturday everyone had off a month. Natasha had gone shopping with Wanda, a plan conncocted to give you plenty of time to get everything ready.

“Friday do you mind turing the oven off?”

you asked the A.I. as you headed down the hallway.

“Of course Agent Y/L/N,”

entering the kitchen you picked up a discarded list of everything that needed to be done. Two items were crossed off “Bake the cake, movie fort.” The unmarked items looked at you teasingly and you felt anxiety rise in your chest. What if you didn’t get everything done and this birthday made Natasha hate birthdays even more? You shook your head trying to chase off the thoughts and went to the oven.

“One perfectly baked chocolate cake coming up,”

grabbing an oven mitt you pulled the cake out of the oven and placed it on the counter. Carefully you coerced the cake from the pan and set it on the cooling rack.

Back when Wanda and you ventured into the baking realm you had begged Tony to put in a floor to ceiling blast chiller. The kind that was always on baking competitions. He reluctantly agreed, with the price of always having to give him a taste of your creations. The freezer was immensely helpful in tight circumstances. You were more than grateful for it now.

You set your cake into the freezer and went to the pantry to pull out all the ingredients you needed for icing. You poured the powdered sugar and placed the butter into the bowl. When you turned on the mixer a cloud of sugary powder exploded in the kitchen. You blinked and licked your lips. Bringing a hand up to wipe your face, you laughed hard. Sugar covered the entire counter and floor beneath you, not to mention your already grease stained clothes.

“Wow, is my little sibling doing coke in here? And without me!”

a snarky voice sounded from across the room. You opened your eyes and squinted at your older brother with a scrunched nose.

“Can it Tony,”

You growled, grabbing a towel and wiping yourself off the counter. Tony laughed at you and opened the freezer to look at what sweet treats awaited him tonight.

“A cake? Are we celebrating?”

He laughed and made a teasing face. You rolled your eyes and called out to Friday.

“Can you order me four containers of icing from the store to be delivered?”

“You got it!”

her chipper accented voice came over the audio. You threw the towel in the sink and landed a punch in Tony’s arm as you left to go change.

“You better not eat any of that cake until Nat has had at least one slice. I know where you keep those rare magic cards you think no one knows about and I will not hesitate to cut them all in half,”

He looked at you in shock. Whether it was because you knew about the secret stash or because you would dare cut them you weren’t sure. The only way to get Tony mad was to go for something he couldn’t replace with money.

“YOU WOULDN'T FUCKING DARE,”

You run away as he climbs out of his chair and chases after you. You run into your room and lay on the door to push back a Tony who was only a few steps behind you. When you finally force the door into the frame you turn the lock and fall to the floor laughing.

Angry mumbling came from the other side. Tony pounded on the door twice before, defeated. walking away. After catching your breath you pulled your sugar stained clothes off and changed into the outfit you’d set aside that morning.

“Y/N the man just arrived with the icing,”

Friday called out to your room and you nodded.

“Thank you Friday. Have him set the bags in the kitchen,”

Friday hummed in agreement. You stood up and looked in the mirror checking yourself out. When you were satisfied with the look you unlocked the door and turned to the right. You really needed to finish Natasha’s present. You wouldn’t even have time to test it properly. You really hoped the phrase “it’s the thought that counts,” was true. Her gift could be something that got you endless kisses or a real crash and burn.

Making it to the lab you set your hand on your head and groaned. You really hoped it worked. It was so pretty. You grabbed the wrapping paper and box and set it in with a kiss.

“Natty, I hope you like it,”

The gift finished the fort built, and cake baked, there was only one thing left to do, ice the damn cake. You could bake sure, but only Wanda ever mastered the art of making it look beautiful.

When you made it to the kitchen Tony was nowhere in sight and a plastic bag with what you assumed was icing was set on the counter. You pulled out a butter knife and dug in, hoping this looked somewhat edible. Wanda was the one who was skilled at decorating. You could make the elaborate pastry chef treats, but you could never handle the finer details of making it look pretty.

~

You were in the workshop when Friday alerted you that Wanda and Natasha were home. A feeling similar to anxiety or excitement fluttered in your chest. This was the first time you’d celebrated her birthday with your girlfriend. You wanted her to like birthdays again. To feel as special and loved as you can pour out for her.

“Thank you Friday. Please tell them I’m in the workshop and will be heading to the game room shortly,”

You set down the gauntlet you’d been fixing while waiting for them and brushed off your outfit. Your eyes searched over the shirt for stains, and when you were satisfied you were clean you headed to your “party”.

Wanda was the first to come in. She threw her hands to her face and “oood” and “aweeed” over the spread you had out.

“Y/N your cake! it’s…. adorable,”

you punched her in the shoulder with a frown. She fell over laughing.

“I TRIED! and I’m sure it tastes amazing.”

you crossed your arms and pouted. She sat back up still laughing and patted your back.

“She’ll love it Y/N. Even if it had ‘fuck you Nat’ written on top she’d love it,”

you smiled at the complement and stopped pouting. You were explaining the technology behind Nat’s present when the woman of the hour finally walked in.

“What is all this? Are y’all having a party? and didn’t invite me,”

she sat down next to you intertwining your fingers with hers and kissing your shoulder. You smiled as the excitement anxiety mix returned.

“Actually…. it’s for you,”

You smiled and kissed her hands. She looked genuinely surprised. You really hoped the feeling was happy excitement.

“oh- Y/N y-you remembered? and you didn’t have to do any of this. I thought I told you i didn’t care to celebrate,”

you felt Wanda stand up to leave with a pat on your shoulder. You smiled up at her and turned back to Natasha.

“I know I know, but I wanted to do something special. You love me so well and work so hard all the time. You deserve a day that’s unapologetically about you,”

You knew if Natasha didn’t have such complete control of her emotions she would be crying. The agape mouth gave that away. You smiled and leaned forward pulling her into a deep, intimate kiss. Feeling her smile against your lips you pulled away and leaned your forehead against hers.

“I love you Natashka. I will do anything to make you feel like Queen of the world,”

with that she started crying. You frowned and wiped away the tears.

“I really hope those are happy tears,”

she nodded quickly and smiled, sniffling a little.

“Very very happy tears. happy ‘I don’t know what on Earth i did to deserve you’ tears,”

“It is I who does not deserve you. The Great Black Widow. I’m just here to make you smile, it’s my life goal,”

you bowed as much as you could sitting down. Placing a peck on her lips you turned back to the presents and pointed.

“Which one should we open first?”

she pondered and then picked up a small box. Nimble fingers unwrapped the box and pulled out a Ring. You had managed to get her size weeks earlier fitting one of your own on her finger when hanging out. She looked at the little silver band with a carved sunflower at the head. A smile bloomed across her face and she hugged you.

“Oh my goodness Y/N, it’s so pretty…,”

she slid it onto her fingers, finding the one it fit best and stared at it. You hugged her shoulder and kissed her cheek.

“Well, you are my sunflower. It’s just a reminder when we are away,”

Her eyes lit up at the nickname. It wasn’t as common for you to use it as baby or sweetheart, but sunflower had always been her favourite.

She looked at the other boxes realising they were also for her. You picked up the next box, a medium sized one and handed it to her. You were saving the biggest for last.

She was just in awe and set it down before unwrapping it. Her hands snaked around your waist and pulled you flush to her. Her soft lips pressed kisses to your jaw and she set her head on your shoulder.

“Thank you so much Y/N, I- no one has done something like this for me ever,”

She hugged you tight again and then let go picking back up the present. You nodded and kissed her head. Pushing some hair out of her face you stroked her hair softly. Her hands once again unwrapped the gift. She squeaked at the sight of the book underneath the paper.

Natasha never got to read much on her own accord growing up. The red room picked out books for her education but never anything she would actually enjoy. Long ago Natasha had told you the first book she read after getting out of the red room was Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and since then she adored the book. You had found, and paid for with Tony’s credit card, a first edition of the book. The auction was rough but you needed that book for Natasha.

Natasha stared at the book once, again jaw hanging open. She wiped her hands on her pants before handingly the book with utmost care. She flipped it over and ran her fingertips over the indented letters and gold illustration on the front.

“Y-you like it? I know you said you like Alice in Wonderland. It’s uh… actually a first edition copy. Tony was about ready to kill me when he saw me pay for the bid,”

You laughed nervously. She turned the book around again and then set it on the coffee table. She tackled you and pushed you back on the couch kissing all over your face. You yelped in surprise then grabbed her hips, catching her lips and kissing her roughly. She melted into the kiss but you pulled away.

“As much as I love this Natty, let’s open your last gift and eat some cake,”

You sat up and pulled her so she was in your lap. You placed a soft kiss to the back of her neck as she reached for the last gift. It was heavy but the assassin had no trouble lifting it.

“After that we can makeout in the fort I made. yeah?”

You wrapped your arms around her waist and pulled her close to you, rubbing circles on her thigh. She laughed and nodded, blushing profusely.

“I like that idea Y/N,”

She opened the box and pulled out the gift you put months of effort into. This time her reaction wasn’t as instantaneous. You helped her pull all the pieces out and set it on the coffee table. She looked at it slightly perplexed.

“I’m sorry… I’m not exactly sure what it is,”

She pouted and looked at you. You smiled and nodded knowing she wouldn’t. You set it out so she could see all the parts.

“Well… uh it’s a new suit. You always say that you don’t like how tight and revealing your other ones are so I kinda beefed this one up so it focuses on functionality,”

She nodded along as you explained. A look of understanding crossed her face as she pulled at the sleeves.

“ohhhhhhhh. That makes so much sense. I- Y/N what the fuck. I can’t express it enough. You are the best, you listened to me and used it to give me the best gifts i’ve ever gotten. You are the most thoughtful partner,”

You beamed. The feeling you knew she was struggling to express, it was exactly what you’d wanted her to feel. Loved, heard, appreciated, and cared for.

“I’m glad sunflower. That’s what I wanted. To make you feel as good as you deserve. D-do you mind if I tell you a bit about the features? I didn’t have time to test some of them so I will need to do that before you take it into combat,”

She nodded and slid off your lap to look at you. You patted her legs and squeezed then held at the sleeve first.

“Well of course it wouldn’t be a suit for the Black widow without gauntlets. These can change through three different modes for different levels and types of stuns also a laser if you need that for aiming,”

You flipped on the laser and pointed it at a pot then turned it back off.

“Also I made it so the suit can suction to your body but be limp to put it on. a lot easier to slip on ya know. And there is mobile but thick padding on all major points of contact for falling. Shoulders, hips, elbows, knees, the like.”

Natasha ran her hands over the surprisingly thin padding and smiled.

“Wow baby that’s… amazing,”

You nodded and picked up the bag attached to the back.

“And uh there’s a parachute built in as well as pockets up the legs, arms and boots so you don’t have to have the belts. They are sorta magnetic so you can like open them easily but when they are closed everything stays in. OH AND THE BOOTS,”

You started to ramble on about the energy absorbing boots you worked with Shuri on that would allow Nat to drop from double the height of a normal human with no damage to her knees or feet. Nat just stared at you hungirly.

“Hey baby, I seriously appreciate the gift. It’s honestly the best thing I've ever gotten. Why don’t we try it out tomorrow and you can show me EVERYTHING. For now we can… sit in the fort like you said,”

She had a cocky smile and you blushed at her antics. You nodded quickly, cutting off your rambling. Her hands found your waist and she pulled you off the couch and into the pillow fort you had built.

“I uh- got a movie for us to watch. Do you want to?”

She nodded and smiled. A look that very much meant “Yes. That's sweet, but I doubt we will be watching it.” You pulled her into your lap, setting your hands on her waist. She draped hers over your shoulders and rubbed light circles on the back of your neck. You leaned forward and trapped her lips in a kiss. Soft but full of passion.

The rest of that night was spent watching the movie and kissing. When you finally remembered the cake a slice had been taken out of it, with

“You were busy with Romanoff so I took what I was owed. The package has been moved, try getting me now little sibling.”

On a sticky note beside it. Natasha had laughed, unsure exactly what had happened but sure it was a story she would much enjoy hearing.

She had moaned over how good the cake was after laughing at how “Adorably” it was decorated.

“So Nat… did I make this birthday worth celebrating?”

She smiled wide and nodded.

“Yes Y/N, if every birthday was like this I would never want to stop celebrating.”

Tag List:

@xburningbluex @zoeyserpentluck @iamgaiiiuwu @natasharomanoffswife @fleurlovesbucky @fayhar @ymzki-haruki @lostandsearching

Natasha Tag list:

@basiclesbianbitch @stephanieromanoff @sapphicshots @madamevirgo @choni-trimberly@wlwlovesreading @i-just-like-storage @screamsin-gay @ymzki-haruki

[radiowallet]

So on a whim, I rewatched the breakfast scene from that Marcus M gifset and it turns out that the Moreno’s actually do have a hammock in their backyard and I didn’t just imagine it. It‘s the colorful thing right behind Marcus, under the umbrella. So do what you will with that info 😉😏😏

(I‘ve also just noticed that you can kinda see what I assume is a framed photo of Missy with her mom on the kitchen counter and now I’m sad?? This is what I get for obsessing over set dressing.)

Anyway 💙 - @patternedlantern

On a similar I watched the same scene...twice. And to your second point, yes- that was definitely a framed picture of Missy and her mom. AND BEHIND IT- a framed picture of children's art. Because Marcus is definitely the dad who frames his kids art and displays it, and I'm so pathetically soft for this man.

But that hammock, bright and colorful, the perfect latin influence that fills the rest of the beautifully warm Moreno home, surrounded by a dense dense pack of trees? I should not be trusted with such a wholesome thing, Pat @patternedlantern

Warnings: Explicit. Outdoor fingering (female receiving), female masturbation. Look, I slipped. Not beta’d. Barely spell checked.

Marcus lets himself in through the front door, and stops, listening intently. The house is quiet. Not the oddest occurrence to come home to, but it is a sound that he hasn't heard since summer had started. Missy and the others were almost always here, taking advantage of the large backyard and pool, shrieks of laughter ringing through his house in a way he had always hoped it would, a symphony of wet feet and shouts over video games becoming the backdrop of his summer.

You provided your own unique soundtrack, only growing louder after he helps drag the final box of your things out of your apartment, the door locking with a resounding snap behind you for one last, blissful time. You always have music or a random youtube video playing in the background as you putter about, fiddling with a circuit or wire, folding laundry, or the steady click click click of your keyboard as you type in endless lines of code, a secret language all your own. Even when you are quiet your mind can be heard screaming, the gears turning over some invisible problem you have deemed worthy of your time, your face weaving and warping, a radiant glow encasing your features. 

But today- silence. 

He peaks outside, the backyard still, silent but for the chirping of the birds, not a kid in sight, but he does see a peak of blonde over the top of the hammock, swaying with the late summer breeze. You don’t move at the sound of the patio door, and for a brief moment Marcus wonders if you’re asleep. It’s possible. He’s done it himself a time or two. When he reaches you, he has to stop, awestruck, and he lets himself commit this to memory. You’re a dream, body loose with sleep, eyes closed against the late afternoon sun, thin cotton sundress twisted around you, skirt riding up, straps falling down. He is a man possessed, unable to resist reaching out, the back of his hand smoothing against your cheek.  

You hum, smile, and hum again. Not even needing to look to know whose shadow blocks you in. 

“You’re home,” you murmur, brain slowly coming back online. 

“I am. The kids?”

“Movies,” you answer, arms stretching up above your head, and the hem rises, a centimeter, a fraction of movement, just enough, and do you know what you’re doing?

“Got room in there for one more?”

Marcus doesn’t wait for an answer, toeing off his shoes and sliding in beside you, a squeal of delight waking you up fully as the fabric shifts to and fro from the added weight. Finally he is settled, your back pressed to his chest, massive arms wrapped around you, fingers making small circles down the path of your bare arms. The sun hits perfectly between the dense patch of trees surrounding the property, just a touch of warmth, a stark contrast to the blast of heat that hits when the sun is high. Marcus closes his eyes and lets out his hum, content against the weight of your body, your legs twisted with his, smooth skin beneath his fingertips as he soothes a gentle pattern down and up and down again.

“How come we don’t sit in this more often?”

You shrug against him, cheating your neck to press a lazy kiss to the underside of his jaw.

“Kids,” you reply back, still sun-soaked drowsy enough to not bother with full sentences. You press one more kiss, just a press of lips to the scruff of his beard, innocent for all your intentions, but-

His hands skim lower, down the your arms, past your hip bones, to make those same soothing patterns against the tops of your thighs.

“I like this dress,” he whispers, fingers ghosting the hem, pushing it just a little higher, the skin beneath like silk, smooth, yielding easily to his touch. He inches his hand higher still towards his intended destination, and smirks when he’s met with the wet lips of your pussy, a familiar barrier missing. He dips his finger in, and you are practically soaked, everything warm and puffed, rubbed supple and raw.

“Manitas? What have you been up to out here?” 

Another kiss to his jaw, a swipe of teeth and tongue to follow.

“Missed you and was all alone.”

He dips his finger in deeper, and your breath hitches, fingers gripping tight to his forearm. 

“Without me?” He teases, letting his thumb rub against your clit. You whine, bearing down against the light touch, body hungry for more. And oh- he can picture it, your delicate fingers making your own soothing patterns against your thigh, reaching up beneath the skirt of your dress, maybe starting with a slow stroke against the lips of your pussy, letting the pad of one finger catch against your clit. Maybe you slip in one finger to start, but you’re quick to add a second, always eager to feel the stretch deep inside you. Were you quiet or did you forget yourself, lost in the pleasure of your own touch? Marcus hardens at the mere thought of it, and he can’t help but pull you closer to his chest. 

“Wasn’t enough. Never enough. Need you.”

He shushes you, sweeping his other hand back up, pushing the straps of your dress down until both pink nipples are exposed to the late August sun. He lets his fingertips graze back and forth between the two, a delicate touch to match the gentle stroke of his finger inside you, glancing against your inner walls. 

“I’m here now, sweet girl.”

He adds a second finger, and scissors you open gently, his pace slow and deliberate, thumb rubbing that same mellow pace against your clit. You move languidly with him, letting him take his time in the warm embrace of your heat, the tight grip of your hand on his arm the only sign of the tension building up inside you. Marcus hums, the slick of your leaking out, coating his hand as pumps his fingers in out and of you, and when he closes his eyes he can picture it, the suction of your pussy swallowing his fingers whole. He presses a kiss to the patch of skin behind your ear, letting his teeth scrape a path as he goes. 

“Can you come for me? Just like this, sweet girl?”  You nod against him, the only sign you heard his question.  He adds a third finger just as he pinches down hard on your nipple, and you keen into the touch, body tightening against his movements. You’re close, body pulling and pushing with his movements, sloppy as they may be from your afternoon alone in the heat of the summer. He remains measured, giving you just enough, a steady stroke, in and out, rubbing you open wide for the world to see.  His teeth find the meat of your neck and he bites down, and you whine, desperate, body seizing up in his arms, a gush of release dripping down as you ride out your orgasm. 

Your backside arches, pressing down against the length of his erection, and he hears you purr in satisfaction. 

“Hold on,” he chides, all three finger still buried inside you. “I think you have one more for me.”

..  .-.. --- ...- .  -.-- --- ..-

Accidental hammock sex at 5 am? That feels like my style.

Part 2 is now a thing

Tag List: @honestly-shite @shadowolf993 @agingerindenial  @the-feckless-wonder @spacenerdpascal @tobealostwanderer  @uncle-kenobi @janebby @startrekkingaroundasgard @spideysimpossiblegirl  @day-off-inkyoto @anaaaispunk  @writeforfandoms @phoenixhalliwell  @rebel-fanfare @amneris21 @lawfulgranola @leias-rebelion @vibin-hippie  @hnt-escape  @mandocrasis @patternedlantern @kaqua @voteforpedro09 @janebby @gingersnappe-9 @thirstworldproblemss @elinedjarin @jazzelsaur @hoff-mommy @mandocrasis @paperbag33 @the-fever-of-mankind @thetypewriterimproviser  @loserrlauraa @disgruntledspacedad @theamuz @sabsunflowergirl @librariantothejedi @juletheghoul @nerdthickly @andiesturgss @frankie-catfish-morales @dihra-vesa @magnanimousmuse  @prostitute-robot-from-the-future @anditsmywholeheart @justnat15 @frenchyjuju @notagamersdey @princess76179 @riddikulus-obsessions @popinahat  @what-iwish-you-knew  @sarasapen @lowlights @kesskirata @sarahjkl82-blog @heavenseed76 @roxypeanut @princessxkenobi @djarinlatinlady @likes-good-reblogs-even-better

[pokemon-ash-aus]

Had an Idea for an AU based off the FalseTwins one. Newtwo didn't completely, ya know, destroy the facility where she was. Like, basically everybody who was there at the facility at the time is dead, and most of the evidence is burnt, but she didn't destroy evidence like the Computers and stuff, as she was too busy doing the business on everything else. So, Giovanni's whole thing in Mewtwo Returns? Happens Again. But this time, he hires some other help to try and make sure. (Part 1)

(Part 2) While most traces of Newtwo are hard to track, the sheer number of flying vehicles (Like seriously Flying machines must be super cheap in Pokemon to produce) covers lots of ground very quickly. The Only places left are areas in regions where most stuff just can't be seen in the sky (or where flying vehicles can't go). Things like sewer systems, forests, Mountains, etc. Ash's friends essientally have to put up with the constant hiding.

(Part 3) Ash's main rivals in the series turn over to Team Rocket (except maybe Gary?) after meeting Ash/Indigo, because they think Ash and Indigo have the pokemon Team Rocket's looking for. Newtwo on the other hand is essientally sweating bullets dodging and weaving through streets filled with Team Rocket.

(Part 4- Potential end of AU?) And finally, a quick little idea for the ending. After the events of Alola, Ash and Indigo return home to find out Kanto is the last region left not fully-checked by Team Rocket. And it is straight-up crowded in Kanto. Like, the fields have hundreds of potholes from earth pokemon looking for caves. They turn up to the Ketchum household, one of the few houses left, and they find some really, well-hidden picture frame. Giovanni shows up.

(Part 5) By now, Giovanni is doing whatever it takes to find the pokemon. Turning the house upside down is an understatement. Ash decides that enough is enough, and, despite Newtwo and Indigo trying to stop him, leads the entirety of Team Rocket after him. The other two follow, trying to chase Ash down. Conflict takes place where the OG movie happened, but essientally the castle has been replaced by an Army of Rocket legionares or something similar.

(Part 6-Side stuff) So while the main au is going on, I imagine Team Rocket is essientally trying to one-up every other member. Bounty Hunters looking in this location? Well we gotta look there twice as hard! In all reality, they don't want to capture the twerps, but it's too late now. In terms of other Teams, I can imagine them being interested in this massive manhunt, so there'll be moments where the two teams butt-heads.

(Part 7) Alright, the big cilmatic finish. Ash essientally has constructed... something out of the wreckage of the hold facility there, but nothing crazy like in the movie. Think a scrapyard where there's tons of crevices and fox-holes for sneak attacks. When Newtwo and Indigo arrive, they see that Ash has made a dent in the amount of Rocket Members, but not enough. Giovanni has Rocket blow the rock clean of everything, and Ash gets captured for a brief minute.

(Part Finale Finale XD) So when Ash gets captured, that's when it hits the proverbial fan. Like, the two Mewtwo combined essientally lift the island and lean it, effiectively dumping the rest of Team Rocket in the ocean. Gio of course is in a Flying machine, and he get's wrangled out of the sky. Ash is freed, and the 3 combined wipe the minds of all the members of Team Rocket. Meanwhile Jessie, James, Meowth all are saved from the mindwipe. Newtwo lets JigglyPuff have some fun with Team Rocket.

Jay: Awee that's super cute that ending XD, but wow! i wouldn't expect most of the rivals to turn over like that :O

[evermoreholland]

Paper Rings | Tom Holland

summary ❥ it’s your anniversary and you propose to tom with a song.

warnings ❥ fluff

word count ❥ 2,152

a/n ❥ you can listen to paper rings by taylor swift while reading this because this is obviously what it’s based off of lol. also, this was edited by my good friend @tefilovesreading! 

Today is your second anniversary with your boyfriend, Tom. The past two years have been the best of your life by far. You have had your fair share of relationships, but Tom took you by surprise in his love for you. You were a singer and it was difficult for you to pursue relationships, but Tom understood you because he has gone through similar. You would often write songs about your experiences in relationships. You have been writing a song for Tom for a while now and you thought that today would be a perfect day to show him.

Tom knows that he wants to marry you. He can’t imagine a life without you in it. He has been thinking of how he was going to go about a proposal for months now and he realized that your second anniversary would be the perfect time to confess his never-ending love for you and his commitment to be yours forever.

Tom picked out a ring for you many months before today, without your knowledge. The two of you had talked about marriage before, so a proposal wouldn’t be out of the ordinary. Tom called your mother, sisters, and even got his own mother’s opinion about an engagement ring for you. He finally found the perfect ring to propose with.

Tom made dinner reservations at your favorite restaurant tonight. He planned to spoil you the entire day, making sure that you knew that you were his queen.

Tom rises early. He lifts the blankets off of himself and steps out of bed. He tucks you back under the cover gently, not making a sound. He tiptoes to the kitchen to make you a cup of your favorite tea. He fills the kettle with water and then places it on the stove. He turns to the refrigerator to take out some of your favorite fresh fruits as a part of breakfast. He prepares toast as well and then he sets it all up on a tray to bring to your shared bedroom. He walks to the room and finds you still sleeping peacefully. He places the tray on the bedside table beside you and then leans to kiss your forehead. You were a light sleeper so the action woke you up almost instantly. Your eyes open and you see your boyfriend preparing something besides the bed.

“Morning,” you whisper. You toss and turn until you eventually sit up. “What are you up to?”

“Happy anniversary, my love,” Tom says and sits on the foot of the bed. “I made you breakfast.”

“Thank you, love. Happy anniversary.” Tom hands you your mug of tea and you take a sip. This was exactly what you need to start your day, which a warm cuppa. “This is probably the best cuppa I’ve ever had.”

Tom giggles at your compliment and he blushes. You just have that charming effect on him. “Well you are my best girl, aren’t you?”

You smile at your lovely boyfriend. “I guess I am.”

You and Tom eat the rest of your breakfast in bed together. Tom insists on feeding you to be romantic and you hesitantly accept. After, you put on a sundress that Tom purchased for you for today; a pink flowy sundress with strawberries on it. You match it with a pair of cream color wedges.

“You look beautiful, Y/N,” Tom compliments when he sees you walk out of the bedroom into the living room where he was sitting on the sofa waiting for you. He’s wearing navy slacks with a light blue short-sleeve button-down shirt. His hair is gelled back, which you hated because you couldn’t run your fingers in his beautiful chestnut-colored locks. “Absolutely stunning.”

“You look gorgeous too.” You walk towards your boyfriend and take a seat beside him on the sofa. You take his hand in yours and you can feel how sweaty his hand was, but you decide not to comment on it. To be honest, you didn’t think much of it anyway. “What are our plans for the day? I have something for you, but I want to give it to you later.”

You wrote Tom a song in an attempt to propose to him, and you were hopeful that he’d say yes. Although you did like tradition, you want to pop the question to your boyfriend, and what better way to do it than what you know best; music.

“Oh, you do? What is it, love?” Tom was not a fan of surprises and for almost every occasion he would try to pry his present out of you.

“You know that I’m not going to tell you,” you reply.

“It was worth a try. I was thinking that we can try strawberry picking,” Tom says and then kisses your cheek. “How does that sound, darling?”

“Sounds wonderful, Tommy,” you mumble. You kiss him and then get up from the sofa. You hold your hand out for him and say, “Let’s go, baby.”

“Let’s do it.”

The drive to the strawberry field was full of giggles, music, and love. You get to the field and Tom opens the car door for you, as per usual. He grabs the basket from the backseat and he guides you to the field. Tom takes photos of you dancing through the field and picking strawberries. He didn’t want to forget this moment, he couldn’t forget how beautiful and ethereal you look in this moment.

You get back home and wash the strawberries that you picked. You cut some up for you and Tom to eat. You gather by the sofa once again while Tom turns on your favorite film. You pull out your phone to text your best friend, Natalie, to set up the backyard for the proposal. Natalie and Harrison knew about your plan to propose to Tom and set up a stage for your small performance.

Tom cuddles beside you after he presses play on the television. “Who were you texting?”

“Just Natalie,” you answer vaguely. You didn’t want Tom to catch on or possibly find out about your plan. “Just chatting.”

“Ok,” Tom says, not buying it completely but he didn’t push. “After the movie, we’ll go to dinner, yeah?”

“Gotta show you something first, baby.”

“Tell me what it is,” Tom groans. He nuzzles his face into your neck and kisses it. “Please spill.”

“That’s not going to work with me, Holland. Now, let’s watch the film, silly.”

“Fine,” he says.

The film passes by fairly quickly. You clean up the living room with Tom, and then you tell him to wait in your bedroom until you text him to come outside. “Why must I wait in our bedroom, darling?”

“I just want to make sure that everything is perfect first,” you reply as if it were obvious. “Please don’t peak.”

“I promise that I won’t, angel,” Tom says and then kisses you. You cup his cheek and pull him closer. Your lips linger on his for a moment before you pull away. “What was that for?”

“I just love you, alright?” You choke up a bit. Thinking about what you were about to do made you emotional. You have never been in love with someone like you were with Tom. “You mean the world to me, Tommy.”

“I love you too, darling. You’re my entire world.” Tom always knew what to say and he gives you the reassurance you need. You pull away from him and walk towards the yard.

You finish setting up everything for the proposal and set up the projector for the slideshow. As the song plays, you planned on showing a slideshow of photos of you and Tom. You send a quick text to Tom telling him to come to the backyard. You hear him come outside and soon enough, he is standing in front of you.

He notices your display. He notices the decorated deck mimicking a stage with flowers surrounding it, white roses to be exact. He notices your microphone and speaker. “What’s all this, love?”

“I wrote a song for you,” you began, but you pause to rub your hands against your dress. Nerves were building up. “For our anniversary. It explains how I’m feeling.”

You see Tom smile at your explanation. “Let’s hear it then, baby. Whenever you’re ready.”

You prerecorded the acoustics and harmonies, so you would simply just turn on the speaker to play the music. “The song is called Paper Rings. I hope you like it.”

You turn on the speaker a pop upbeat sound fills the air and you immediately feel at ease.

The moon is high Like your friends were the night that we first met Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet Now I've read all of the books beside your bed

As you were singing, you think about the memories that you and Tom share. You remember meeting him at an outdoor pub. You were first introduced to Harrison, Tom’s best mate. They were stoned, to say the least, but it was still probably one of the best nights of your life.

The wine is cold Like the shoulder that I gave you in the street Cat and mouse for a month or two or three Now I wake up in the night and watch you breathe

Kiss me once 'cause you know I had a long night (Oh!) Kiss me twice 'cause it's gonna be alright Three times 'cause I've waited my whole life (One, two, one two three four!)

Tom looks at you like you’re the only woman in the world, yet he doesn’t know what your next lyrics would be. He didn’t know that you want to marry him as much as he did.

I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings Uh huh, that's right Darling, you're the one I want, and I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this Uh huh, that's right Darling, you're the one I want In paper rings, in picture frames, in dirty dreams Oh, you're the one I want

He begins to pick up on what you’re telling him, and it warms his heart. His eyes begin to water as he watches perform for him. You look very gorgeous too.

In the winter, in the icy outdoor pool When you jumped in first, I went in too I'm with you even if it makes me blue Which takes me back To the color that we painted your brother's wall Honey, without all the exes, fights, and flaws We wouldn't be standing here so tall, so

Kiss you once 'cause I know you had a long night (Oh!) Kiss you twice 'cause it's gonna be alright Three times 'cause you waited your whole life (One, two, one two three four!)

I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings Uh huh, that's right Darling, you're the one I want, and I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this Uh huh, that's right Darling, you're the one I want In paper rings, in picture frames, in dirty dreams Oh, you're the one I want

I want to drive away with you I want your complications too I want your dreary Mondays Wrap your arms around me, baby boy

You wrap your arms around yourself for emphasis and Tom giggles gently. He is crying at this point and you feel yourself tearing up too.

I want to drive away with you I want your complications too I want your dreary Mondays Wrap your arms around me, baby boy Uh huh

You sing the chorus once more, and you begin dancing along with the music and Tom couldn’t help but smile at you.

You're the one I want, one I want

You finish off the song and you do a little bow as Tom claps for you. You walk towards him and he wraps his arms around you. “I loved that, baby,” he whispers in your ear.

You look at him and notice the tears streaming down his face. You wipe them away and say, “So?”

“So?” He repeats, not fully understanding where you’re getting at it.

“Will you marry me, baby?” You ask.

Tom smiles and instead of answering, Tom reaches for something in his back pocket. He pulls out a velvet ring box and gets down on one knee. Tom opens the box to reveal a beautiful diamond ring. “Does this answer your question?”

“Yes it does,” you giggle. “I guess that we both had the same idea.”

“It’s not a paper ring, though,” Tom says, referring to your song.

“Well, I do like shiny things,” you joke. “I’d be honored to marry you, Tom.”

Tom slips the ring on your finger and stands up to kiss you. This moment couldn’t be more perfect.

“Can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you, lover.”

~

Tagging: @canwekissforever-hazzy @storybookholland​ @petesrparker​

[delicioussshame]

Actors AU prequel, go.

Shen Yuan played Luo Bingmei’s first love.

When he was young, he couldn’t quite distinguish the actor from the role, and the teenager Shen Yuan played in the drama had stolen Luo Bingmei’s heart.

He wasn’t the most popular character, but he wasn’t exactly unknown. The drama just launched the career of many of Shen Yuan’s contemporaries. He had solid competition.

Luo Bingge used to laugh at him for liking a stupid drama so much.

Luo Bingmei didn’t care, because he knew the truth. Bingge usually mocked him once or twice, and then would sit by his side to “mock the stupid show more,” and then watched the episode in complete silence until the end.

His brother could recognise talent. It was in their blood, after all.

It never went away. Luo Bingmei would watch Shen Yuan’s newest series, or the movie he’d had a part in, and he’d fall in love all over again. Bingge would pick another girlfriend, another “girlfriend,” even the occasional “boyfriend,” all while Luo Bingmei couldn’t look at anyone that wasn’t Shen Yuan.

He should really have been calling him Shen Qingqiu. It was rude of Luo Bingmei to refer to him by the name he’d set aside long ago, but Luo Bingmei had always thought of him as Shen Yuan. His own parents had always called each other by the name they were born with instead of their public moniker. Luo Bingmei had been raised with the idea that real names were signs of closeness, and more than anything, he wanted to be close to Shen Yuan.

Then his parents died, and they were shipped abroad to be raised by family members they’d never seen before.

Both Luo Bingmei and Luo Bingge couldn’t wait to return to the mainland, for surprisingly similar reasons. Luo Bingmei knew that the easiest way for him to meet Shen Yuan was to join him on the screen. Luo Bingge was also attracted to the family occupation. If they started their career together, their identical appearances and their renowned parentage would make it easy for them to stand out, while fighting against each other would make both their life harder.

They didn’t always get along, but they were each other’s only real remaining family. That counted.

They agreed to cooperate.

They didn’t have to do much to convince their caretaker to let them apply to a famous acting school. It was expected of them, to follow in their parents’ footsteps.

Luo Bingmei watched anything he could get his hands on. Luo Bingge slept with anything pretty that crossed his path and left them sleeping in his bed while he read plays and devored book after book on cinema history.

They worked and worked, until they succeeded.

It wasn’t hard for them to get an agent back home. They were blessed with everything; talent, looks, money, pedigree. Whatever they wanted to start with, their agent would make it happen.

Luo Bingmei hadn’t thought it would be that easy, but the script was thrown his way and he instantly knew the role of the teacher should be Shen Yuan’s.

It was Luo Bingge who slipped their agent a considerable sum and told him that if he could make the casting happen, they’d make the movie so profitable his career would be set for life.

Luo Bingmei had thanked his brother profusely. They didn’t always connect, but Luo Bingge always came through when it was important.

It was how he knew that his brother cared.

Luo Bingmei had had to bite his tongue not to make a fool of himself when he’d stepped on set and was graced with Shen Yuan in the flesh.

He was even more beautiful than he was on the screen. How could life be that unfair?

Maybe life took it as a challenge, because Luo Bingge’s reaction to meeting Shen Yuan was to flirt with him.

Luo Bingmei could have murdered him. Luo Bingge flirted with everyone! Couldn’t he let him have this one person?

He realised he was wrong quickly. Luo Bingge did flirt, but not the way he usually did. Bingge had a way of overwhelming anyone he talked to, of bombing them with compliments and flattering attention until they felt giddy with it and let him do anything he wanted.

He wasn’t like that with Shen Yuan. He wasn’t as effusive, as intrusive, as voluble. His took his time, weighed his word, remained calm.

He was sincere.

Luo Bingmei should have seen it coming. For all that his brother was rarely alone, he also never really attached himself to his conquests. It would take someone exceptional to seduce him.

Someone like Shen Yuan.

“What are you going to do with Shen Yuan?”

Luo Bingge doesn’t turn toward him. “Nothing you’d disapprove of.”

Luo Bingmei isn’t sure he believes that. “You know how I feel about him.”

Luo Bingge keeps on folding clothes into the drawer of the room they share for the duration of the filming. “I know, don’t worry. It’s not like you’ve ever been subtle about it.”

Luo Bingmei has seen how Shen Yuan reacts to Bingge, and, to a certain extent, to himself. Luo Bingmei might be a novice in these matters, but he’s almost certain Shen Yuan isn’t completely immune to them.

He’s not in a relationship. He’d said so himself when Luo Bingge had asked.

Luo Bingmei has a chance, and he doesn’t want to waste it. “I’m serious about him. He’s not yours to play with for a night or two! If that’s what you want, the set is full of people who would give it up in a heartbeat if you breathed in their direction.”

Luo Bingge sighs, annoyed, and turns toward him. “Shen Yuan isn’t disposable. He’s ours. He just doesn’t know it yet, but he soon will.”

What. “Ours?”

Luo Bingge nods. “Yes. Ours. Yours and mine, and no one else’s. That would work, right?”

His and Bingge’s, and no one else’s... “That might work.” Shen Yuan as the newest member of their little family, them against the world.

Luo Bingmei would like that. “Yes. That would work.”

Luo Bingge smiles.

Luo Bingmei is familiar with that smile. No one has managed to go against his brother when he smiles like that. “It’ll happen. Give me some more time, and he’ll end up spending his nights in our room.”

Luo Bingmei blushes bright red. There is no ambiguity in Bingge’s meaning. “I just said he deserves better than being used!”

His brother laughs at him. “Were you saving yourself for marriage? If he’s ours, of course we’ll have him. Anyway, he’s older than us. He’ll want it. It would be cruel to him not to give him what he wants, and I’m sure you want to be good to him. Really good.”

…Luo Bingmei cannot deny he dreams of touching Shen Yuan. That every time they share a scene where they’re close enough for Luo Bingmei to smell his scent, he has to sequester himself into the bathroom later on.

He doesn’t answer.

“That’s what I thought.”

“…You really think you can make that happen?”

“Oh yes. He’s attracted to us, I’m sure of it, and who doesn’t want to fuck identical twins? He’ll go for it.”

Oh god he just said that. “It’s not just about… that. Not for me.”

He sees his brother hesitates before answering. “…Not for me either.”

…If Bingge is serious, then Bingmei is willing to go along with this for both their sakes. “Okay. You have a plan. Do I have to do anything?”

He sees Luo Bingge’s frame relax a little bit. “Just keep on doing what you’re doing. He’s weak to your puppy eyes shtick. You’ll have him wrapped around your little finger in no time.”

The thought is heady. “That would be nice.”

“It will be. Soon.”

Luo Bingmei can’t wait.

[xoluvx]

photographs pt. 1; t.holland

(𝐠𝐢𝐟 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭)

idea: reader is a photographer n can’t stop staring, flirting ensues and reader slyly goes “maybe you should be the  one taking photos, it’ll last longer than your staring” note: When I tell you I read this and my heart just burst because who wouldn’t stare? Ugh thank you @moonflowcrr

Pairing: Tom x Fem!Reader Word Count: 1.7K

“If you can just tilt your head a bit,” you spoke as you watched him through the lens. He shifted his body on the couch, tilting his head as you’d instructed. His movements were fluid, eyes never leaving the camera.

Snapping photos, you watched his brows furrow still maintaining a softness that pierced through the lens.

“Great,” you whispered loud enough for him to hear. “Try something like this.” Moving the camera from your face, you ran your index finger along your lips. He nodded following your lead. His eyebrows relaxed after a few shots and he moved his fingers over his lips gently once again. Gulping, you stopped clicking on your camera focusing on his jawline. It clenched as he brushed his lips softly. The room suddenly felt small, your eyes hyper focused on his facial features. 

He was mesmerizing.

“You okay, love?” he asked fixing his coat, focusing on your face behind the lens. He was so smooth. The words just rolling off his tongue like calling you ‘love’ was something he did often. You’d just met him.

Peeking from behind the camera, you nodded quickly clearing your throat while moving away from him. You were embarrassed to say the least.

Were you that obvious?

“Just going to get a few more shots and I can show you,” you said bringing the camera back to your face. Secretly, you couldn’t help but trace every centimeter of his face trailing down to his hands resting gently on his chest. His brows back to its furrowed state, pulling you in.

Not realizing you were physically moving closer to him, you felt your knee brush against his. Your body went rigid before stepping back like you’d just touched fire.

“That was a good one,” you heard someone who was behind the monitor call out. “Get a few more like that,” they contributed to the creative and you had to please the client. Even though your heart was beating rapidly. 

You hovered over his body with your camera watching him shift his hips in the slightest, thrusting the air as his chest rose gently. Gulping, you felt your hands getting sweaty as you held the camera. Your leg brushed against his, the touch burning through your jeans.

“I think we’ve got it,” you heard the same person from before say. “Come take a look.”

Moving back, in the rush of the moment and your foggy mind, you stumbled. Tom’s reflexes were quick, his fingers curled around your arm preventing you from hitting the ground. That would’ve been embarrassing.

Your heart was beating quickly. Not only did you stumble in front of him, but he was holding your arm and you felt like you were going to melt.

Thankfully, your camera was okay. At least that’s what you tried to focus on to distract from the whole ordeal. Rather than focusing on how rapidly your heart was beating. So quickly it felt like it was going to jump out of your chest. His fingers still curled around your arm.

“You alright, darling?” His voice brought you a strange comfort and you nodded quickly clearing your throat. Darling. You could practically melt in his arms.

“Thanks. Come, I’ll show you some of the photos.” You led him to the monitor that was set up nearby. Taking your place in front of the monitor, you scrolled through the shots as Tom looked over you at the screen. His arms were crossed, a focused look on his face.

You were scrolling aimlessly, you hadn’t noticed he was no longer looking at the screen. His eyes were fixated on you. He watched the way your lips pouted slightly while you concentrated moving between two similar photos before choosing the best one. He noticed the way your brows relaxed when you made your decision. A look of gratification on your face.

“What do you think?” You asked crossing your arms stepping back looking at the photos you selected.

Clearing his throat, Tom unraveled his arms playing with his collar to divert from the fact that he’d been staring at you. Memorizing every bit of your face.

Inside, your heart was beating rapidly. Outside, you smirked.

“Maybe you should be the one to take a photo, it’ll last longer.” You remarked with a glint in your eye and a playful smile on your face.

“Funny,” Tom blushed, chucking softly, looking at the photo on the screen, hoping you wouldn’t see how flustered you made him.

But you saw. You’d memorized every inch of his face as you stared from behind the lens of your camera. He was ingrained in your memory.

“I don’t mean to be too forward, but you want to grab lunch?” His words were certain, his voice confident as he glanced at you. He regained his composure, taking charge of the moment once again. He had you back in the palm of his hand. It was your turn to be flushed.

“Sure,” you almost whispered. Your voice betraying you as it cracked.

“Now?” his brows raised turning to you completely.

“You should probably get out of these clothes first,” you hummed playfully tugging at the coat. “I think you’re overdressed,” you added looking down at your jeans and t-shirt.

His laugh rung in your ears, making your chest warm.

“Do you like it?” Tom asked as he swallowed his bite lifting the sandwich in his hands. You couldn’t help, but laugh lifting your sandwich approvingly.

“Can’t go wrong with a sandwich. Solid,” you made an ‘okay’ signal with your hand taking a bite. This time, Tom laughed watching you struggled with a piece of lettuce. The messy bite leaving a bit of mayo on the corner of your mouth.

Without thinking, Tom dove in brushing away the mayo with his index finger before cleaning his finger on a napkin. The moment intimate, neither of you thinking twice about the exchange.

You felt his thigh brush against yours as the two of you sat on the steps of his trailer. The sandwiches that were delivered for the crew cradled in your hands as you both continued eating comfortably.

•

��Are you still texting that boy?” your friend’s eyes traveled to your pinging phone which was resting face down on the table. You were having brunch at her house and your phone was glued to your side. A string of text messages were setting off your notifications.

“Um yeah,” you chuckled biting the inside of your cheek. Your fingers grazed over your phone wanting so bad to look at the text messages, but out of respect you didn’t. She watched your fingers tap on the back of your phone impatiently.

“Just check,” she rolled her eyes playfully as you turned the phone looking at the text messages. You couldn’t control the muscles in your face, they instantly pulled your lips into a smile. Your cheeks hurt from how hard you were trying not to be obvious.

“Who is he that you’re so obsessed?” your friend looked at you with wonder.

“Just a guy I met at a photo shoot. I probably shouldn’t even be talking to him. It’s unprofessional. Do you think?” you looked at her searching for answers that she didn’t have. But upon seeing your helpless face, her gaze softened and she shrugged her shoulders.

“I don’t see what’s wrong with it,” she smiled. “Now tell me more.” She beamed resting her chin on her hands as she leaned over her plate.

•

“Oh wait there,” you exclaimed pulling your phone out of your pocket crouching down to take a photo of Tom who was swinging a mini-golf club. “That’s the shot,” you whispered as his face brightened coming towards you. His body getting bigger in the frame as he came near. His hand reaching towards you.

You took his hand as he lifted you from where you were couching.

“Does everything have to be a photo with you?” he asked jokingly wrapping an arm around your shoulder as you looked at the images in your phone.

“I am a photographer,” you remarked looking up at him with a ‘what do you expect’ look. He chuckled as his lips brushed against your head, his eyes focusing on the images that you were scrolling through. “I like that one,” he stated pointing at the one where he was looking into the distance, the mini-golf club swinging giving the photo movement.

“The model could use some work, but the lighting-” you laughed feeling Tom squeeze you gently before wrapping his arms around you completely.

“I could teach you real golf,” he whispered kissing the top of your head. Your fingers were spread across his back, your phone clinging to his back as you felt your cheeks burn.

“Mini-golf is fun,” you smirked clearing your throat. The moment getting too intimate, you tried deflecting.

“Ouch.” He touched his chest furrowing his brows playfully. “Golf is fun too.”

“Yeah, if you’re a sixty year-old man.” You teased getting ready to hit the golf ball. Tom chuckled watching the ball navigate through the funky golf course.

He was captivated. And he was falling hard.

•

“Don’t move,” Tom instructed pulling out his phone. Your dinner had just been brought out and it was sprawled around you like a feast. Tom leaned back enough to capture the food and your face in photo. A shy smile spread across your face as you placed your hands under your chin making it silly.

“Perfect,” Tom chuckled. It’d become a thing. Your life capture in photos. At unexpected times. Set up or not, your phone was full of memories.

“Are you still able to do the shoot tomorrow?” Tom asked reaching for fork as he dug into his food. With your mouth full, you nodded giving him a thumbs up. 

“Perks of dating a photographer,” he chuckled as you raised your eyes.

“I’m the one dating the movie star,” you laughed. “I think your job is cooler.”

Tom shrugged. “I met you, so I guess it’s not that bad.”

The statement made your heart flutter and you stopped mid bite to look at him. He was focused on his food, but the comment floated between the two of you. Offering you both a familiar comfort.

PART TWO

[wits-writing]

What’s so Funny About Vengeance, the Night, and Batman? – Two Superhero Parodies in Conversation

Back in 2016, the first trailers for Director Chris McKay’s The Lego Batman Movie hit. A spinoff of the take on the iconic hero, voiced by Will Arnett, from 2014’s The Lego Movie. Those trailers spelled out a plot covering how Batman’s life of crimefighting is turned upside down when Robin unexpectedly enters the picture. It was a funny trailer, promising another insightful comedy from the crew behind The Lego Movie. A promise it handily delivered on when it came out in February 2017 with an animated feature steeped wall-to-wall jokes for the sake of mocking Bruce Wayne’s angst filled crusade that can only come from understanding what’s made the character withstand the test of time.

But there was a thought I and others had from seeing that trailer up to watching the actual movie:

“This seems… familiar.”

Holy Musical B@man! is a 2012 fan-made stage production parody of DC Comics’ biggest cash cow. It was produced as the fifth musical from YouTube-based cult phenomenon Starkid Productions, from a book by Matt and Nick Lang, music by Nick Gage and Scott Lamp with lyrics by Gage. The story of the musical details how Robin’s unexpected entrance ends up turning Batman’s (Joe Walker) life of crimefighting upside down. Among Starkids’ fandom derived projects in their early existence, as they’ve mainly moved on to well-received original material in recent years, Holy Musical B@man! is my personal favorite. I go back to it frequently, appreciating it as a fan of both superheroes and musicals. (Especially since good material that touches on both of those isn’t exactly easy to come by. Right, Spider-Man?)

While I glibly summarized the similarities between them by oversimplifying their plots, there’s a lot in the details, both major and minor, that separates how they explore themes like solitude, friendship, love, and what superhero stories mean. It’s something I’ve wanted to dig into for a while and I found a lot in both of them I hadn’t considered before by putting them in conversation. I definitely recommend watching both of them, because of how in-depth this piece goes including discussing their endings. However, nothing I can say will replace the experience of watching them and if I had included everything I could’ve commented on in both of them, this already massive piece would easily be twice as long minimum.

Up front, I want to say this isn’t about comparing The Lego Batman Movie and Holy Musical B@man in terms of quality. Not only are they shaped for vastly different mediums with different needs/expectations, animation versus stagecraft, but they also had different resources at their disposal. Even if both are in some ways riffing on the aesthetic of the 1990s Batman movies and the Adam West TV show, Lego Batman does it with the ability to make gorgeously animated frames packed to the brim with detail while Holy Musical often leans into its low-fi aesthetic of characters miming props and sets to add extra humor. They’re also for different audiences, Lego Batman clearly for all-ages while Holy Musical has the characters cursing for emphasis on a regular basis. On top of those factors, after picking through each of these for everything worth commenting on that I could find, I can’t say which I wholly prefer thanks in part to these fundamental differences.

This piece is more about digging through the details to explore the commonalities, differences, and what makes them effective mocking love letters to one of the biggest superheroes in existence.

(Also, since I’m going to be using the word “Batman” a lot, I’ll be calling Lego Batman just “Batman” and referring to the version from Holy Musical as “B@man”, with the exception of quoted dialogue.)

[Full Piece Under the Cut]

Setting the Tone

The beginning is, in fact, a very good place to start when discussing how these parodies frame their versions of the caped crusader. Each one uses a song about lavishing their respective Batmen with praise about how they are the best superheroes ever and play over sequences of the title hero kicking wholesale ass. A key distinction comes in who’s singing each song. Holy Musical B@man’s self-titled opening number is sung from the perspective of an omniscient narrator recounting B@man’s origin and later a chorus made up of the Gotham citizenry. Meanwhile, “Who’s the (Bat) Man” from Lego Batman is a brag-tacular song written by Batman about himself, even playing diegetically for all his villains to hear as he beats them up.

Holy Musical opens on a quick recap of Batman’s origin:

“One shot, Two shots in the night and they’re gone And he’s all left alone He’s just one boy Two dead at his feet and their blood stains the street And there’s nothing, no there’s nothing he can do!”

We then get a Bat-dance break as the music goes from slow and moody to energetic to reflect Batman turning that tragedy into the driving force behind his one-man war on crime. Assured by the narrator that he’s “the baddest man that there’s ever been!” and “Now there’s nothing, no there’s nothing he can’t do!” flipping the last lyric of the first verse. For the rest of the opening scene the lyrics matter less than what’s happening to establish both this fan-parody’s version of Batman and how the people of Gotham (“he’ll never refuse ‘em”) view him.

Lego Batman skips the origin recap, and in general talks around the death of the Waynes to keep the light tone going since it’s still a kids movie about a popular toy even if there are deeper themes at play. Instead, it continues a trend The Lego Movie began for this version of the character writing music about how he’s an edgy, dark, awesome, cool guy. While that movie kept it to Batman angry-whiteboy-rapping about “Darkness! NO PARENTS!”, this one expands to more elaborate boasts in the song “Who’s the (Bat) Man” by Patrick Stump:

“In the darkest night I make the bad guys fall There’s a million heroes But I’m the best of them all!”

Batman singing this song about himself, as opposed to having it sung by others aims the crosshairs of parody squarely on the hero’s ego. His abilities make fighting his villains effortless, like this opening battle is more an opportunity to perform the song than a life-or-death struggle. Even Joker’s aware of that as he shouts, “Stop him before he starts singing!” This Batman doesn’t see himself as missing out on anything in life, even if he still feels that deep down. Being Batman is the coolest thing in the world that anyone would envy. He’s Batman, therefore everyone should envy him.

The songs aren’t only part of the equation for how these two works’ opening scenes establish their leading hero. While both songs are about Batman being cool, they’re separated by the accompanying scenes. Lego Batman keep the opening within the Joker’s perspective until Batman shows up and the action kicks in. Once it does, we’re shown a Batman at the top of his solo-hero game. Meanwhile, Holy Musical’s opening is about B@man building his reputation and by the end of the song he has all the citizens of Gotham singing his praises with the titular lyrics. Both are about being in awe of the title hero, one framed by Joker’s frustration at Batman’s ease in foiling his schemes yet again and the other about the people of Gotham growing to love their city’s hero (probably against their better judgement.)

That’s woven into the fabric of what kind of schemes Batman is foiling in each of these. Joker’s plan to bomb Gotham with the help of every supervillain in Batman’s Rogues Gallery is hilariously high stakes and the type of plan most Batman stories, even parodies, would save for the climax. Neatly exemplified by how that’s almost the exact structure of Holy Musical’s final showdown. Starting with these stakes works as an extension of this Batman’s nature as a living children’s toy and therefore the embodiment of a child’s idea of what makes Batman cool, his ability to wipe the floor with anyone that gets in his way “because he’s Batman.” It also emphasizes Joker as the only member of the Rogues Gallery that matters to Lego Batman’s story, every other Bat-villain is either a purely visual cameo or only gets a couple lines maximum.

The crime’s being stopped by B@man are more in the “Year One” gangster/organized crime category rather than anything spectacle heavy. Though said crimes are comically exaggerated:

Gangster 1: Take these here drugs, put ‘em into them there guns, and then hand ‘em out to those gamblin’ prostitutes! Gangster 2: Should we really be doing these illegal activities? In a children’s hospital for orphans?

These fit into that model of crime the Dark Knight fights in his early days and add tiny humanizing moments between the crooks (“Oh, Matches! You make me laugh like nobody else!”) in turn making the arrival of B@man and the violence he deals out a stronger punchline. Further emphasized by the hero calling out the exact physical damage he does with each hit before warning them to never do crime again saying, “Support your families like the rest of us! Be born billionaires!” Later in the song his techniques get more extreme and violence more indiscriminate, as he uses his Bat-plane to patrol and gun down whoever he sees as a criminal, including a storeowner accidentally taking a single dollar from his own register. (“God’s not up here! Only Batman!”)

A commonality between these two openings is how Commissioner Jim Gordon gets portrayed. Both are hapless goofs at their core, playing more on the portrayal of the character in the 60s TV show and 90s Burton/Schumacher movies than the serious-minded character present in comics, Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy, and other adaptations. Lauren Lopez’s portrayal in Holy Musical gets overwhelmed by everything thrown at him, eventually giving up and getting out of B@man’s way (“I’m not gonna tell Batman what to do! He’s Batman!”) Hector Elizondo’s Gordon in Lego Batman clearly reached the “stay out of Batman’s way” point a long time ago, happy to have “the guy who flips on the Bat-signal” be his sole defining trait. While the characterizations are close, their roles do end up differing. Lopez’s Gordon sticks around to have a few more comedic scenes as the play goes on, where Elizondo’s exist to set up a contrast with his daughter Barbara and her way of approaching Batman when she becomes Police Commissioner.

These opening sequences both end in similar manners as well; the citizens of Gotham lavishing praise on their respective Batmen and a confrontation between Batman and the Joker. Praise from the citizenry in Holy Musical comes on the heels of a letter from B@man read out on the news about how much they and the city of Gotham suck. They praise B@man for his angsty nature as a “dark hero” and how they “wouldn’t want him any other way!”, establishing the motif of Gotham’s citizens in Holy Musical as stand-ins for the Batman fandom. Lego Batman uses the praise of the Gotham citizens after Batman’s victory in the opening scene as a lead in to contrast their certainty that Batman must have an exciting private life with the reality we’re shown. Which makes sense since Lego-Batman’s relationship to the people of Gotham is never presented as something at stake.

Greater contrast comes in how the confrontations with the Joker are handled, Lego Batman has an argument between the hero and villain that’s intentionally coded as relationship drama, Batman saying “There is no ‘us’” when Joker declares himself Batman’s greatest enemy. The confrontation in Holy Musical gets purposefully underplayed as an offstage encounter narrated to the audience as a Vicki Vale news report. This takes Joker off the board for the rest of the play in contrast to the Batman/Joker relationship drama that forms one of Lego Batman’s key pillars. While they take different forms, the respective citizenry praise and villain confrontation parts of these openings lead directly into the number one common thematic element between these Bat-parodies: Batman’s loneliness.

One is the Darkest, Saddest, Loneliest Number

Batman as an isolated hero forms one of the core tenants of the most popular understanding of the character. Each of these parodies picks at that beyond the broody posturing. There’s no dedicated segment in this piece about how these works’ versions of the title character function bleeds into every other aspect of them, but each starts from the idea of Batman as a man-child with trouble communicating his emotions. Time’s taken to give the audience a view of where their attitudes have left them early in the story.

Both heroes show their loneliness through interactions with their respective Alfreds. Holy Musical has the stalwart butler, played by Chris Allen, try to comfort B@man by asking if he has any friends he enjoys being around. When B@man cites Lucius Fox as a friend he calls him right away, only to discover Lucius Fox is Alfred’s true identity and Alfred Pennyworth was an elaborate ruse he came up with to protect Bruce on his father’s wishes. Ironically, finding out his closest friend was living a double life causes Bruce to push Alfred away (the play keeps referring to him as Alfred after this, so that’s what I’m going to do as well.) After he’s fired he immediately comes back in a new disguise as “O’Malley the Irish Butler” (same outfit he wore before but with a Party City Leprechaun hat.) That’s unfortunately the start of a running gag in Holy Musical that ends up at the worst joke in the play, when Alfred disguises himself as “Quon Li the Chinese Butler” doing an incredibly cringeworthy “substituting L’s for R’s” bit with his voice. It’s been my least favorite bit in the play since I first saw it in 2012 and legitimately makes me hesitate at times to recommend it. Even if it’s relatively small bit and the rest holds ups.

That disclaimer out of the way, that conversation between B@man and Alfred leads into the title hero reflecting on his sadness through the musical’s I Want Song, “Dark, Sad, Lonely Knight.” The song’s split into two halves, the first Alfred reflecting on whether he played a part in Bruce’s current condition and the second B@man longing for a connection. The song does a good job balancing between the sincerity over the hero’s sadness and getting good laughs out of it:

“Think of the children Next time you gun down the mama and papa Their only mama and papa Because they probably don’t have another mama and papa!”

The “I Want” portion of the song coming in the end with the repetition of the lryics “I want to be somebody’s buddy.”

Rather than another song number, Lego Batman covers Batman’s sadness through a pair of montages and visual humor. The first comes after the opening battle, where we see Batman taking off all his costume except for the mask hanging out alone in Wayne Manor, showing how little separation he puts between identities. Compared to Holy Musical where the equivalent scene is the first we see of Bruce without the mask on, which may come down to practicality since anyone who’s worn a mask like that knows they get hot and sweaty fast. Batman is constantly made to appear small among the giant empty rooms of his estate as he eats dinner, jams on his guitar, and watches romantic movies alone.

Ralph Fienne’s Alfred coming in at the end of this sequence witnessing Batman looking at a photo of himself as a boy with his parents for the last time. Alfred outlines Batman’s fear of being part of a family again only to be met with Batman denying he has any feelings ever. Pennyworth’s role as a surrogate father gets put into greater focus here than in Holy Musical, as we get glimpses of Alfred reading a book titled “How to Deal with Your Out-of-Control Child.” Also shown in smaller scenes of Alfred dealing with Batman’s insistent terminology for his crime fighting equipment, like calling his cowl an “armored face disguise.”

Batman’s denial of his pain contrasts how B@man wallows in it. Though he’s forced to confront it a little as the Joker’s plan ends up leaving him with no crimefighting to fall back on to ignore his issues. This montage gets set to the song “One” by Harry Nilsson and details Batman, unable to express his true feelings, eventually letting them out in the form of tempter tantrums. There’s also some humor through juxtaposition as Batman walks solemnly through the streets of Gotham City, rendered black and white, as the citizens chant “No more crime!” in celebration, while flipping over cars and firing guns into the air.

A disruption to their loneliness eventually comes in the form of a sensational character find.

Robin – The Son/BFF Wonder

Between both Bat-parodies, the two Robins’ characterizations are as close as anyone’s between them. Each is nominally Dick Grayson but are ultimately more representative of the idea of Robin as the original superhero sidekick and his influence on Batman’s life. The play and movie also both make the obvious jokes about Dick’s name and the classic Robin costume’s lack of pants at different points. Dick’s origin also gets sidestepped in each version to skip ahead to the part where he starts being an influence in Batman’s life.

Robin’s introduction to the comics in Detective Comics #38 in 1940, marking the start of Batman’s literal “Year Two” as a character, predating the introduction of Joker, Catwoman, and Alfred, among others. Making him Batman’s longest lasting ally in the character’s history. His presence and acrobatics shift the tone by adding a dash of swashbuckling to Batman’s adventures, inspired by the character’s namesake Robin Hood, though both parodies take a page out of Batman Forever and associate the name with the bird for the sake of a joke. Robin is as core to Batman as his origin, but more self-serious adaptations (i.e., the mainstream cinematic ones that were happening around the times both Holy Musical and Lego Batman came out) tend to avoid the character’s inclusion. These two works being parody, therefore anything but self-serious, give themselves permission to examine why Robin matters and how different characters react to his presence. Rejection of Robin as a character and concept comes out in some form in each of these works, from Batman himself in Lego Batman and the Gotham citizens in Holy Musical.

The chain of events that lead to Dick becoming Robin in Lego Batman are a string of consequences for Batman’s self-absorption. A scene of Bruce barely listening as Dick asks for advice on getting adopted escalating to absentmindedly signing the adoption paperwork. Batman doesn’t realize he has a son until after his sadness montage. Alfred forces Batman to start interacting with Dick against his will. The broody loner wanting nothing to do with the cheery kid, played to “golly gee gosh” perfection by Michael Cera, until he sees the utility of him. Batman doesn’t even have the idea to give Robin a costume or codename because he clearly views the sidekick’s presence as a temporary measure for breaking into Superman’s fortress, made clear by how he lists “expendable” as a quality Dick needs if he wants to go on a mission.

This makes Robin the catalyst for Batman’s shifting perspective throughout Lego Batman. When Robin succeeds in his first mission, the Dark Knight is hesitant to truly compliment him and chalks up his ward’s feats to “unbelievable obeying.” Other moments have Robin’s presence poke holes in Batman’s tough guy demeanor, like the first time Batman and Robin ride in the Bat-mobile together, Robin asks where the seatbelts are and Batman growls “Life doesn’t give you seatbelts!”, only for Batman to make a sudden stop causing Robin to hit his head on the windshield and Batman genuinely apologizes. They share more genuine moments together as the film goes, like Batman suggesting they beatbox together to keeps their spirits up after they’ve been imprisoned for breaking into Arkham Asylum. Robin’s representative of Batman gradually letting people in throughout these moments.

On the exact opposite end of the spectrum, B@man needs zero extra prompting to let Robin into his life. Nick Lang’s Robin (henceforth called “Rob!n” to keep with this arbitrary naming scheme I’ve concocted) does get brought into his life by Alfred thanks to a personal ad (“‘Dog for sale’? No… ‘Orphan for sale’! Even better!”) but it’s a short path to B@man deciding to let Dick fight alongside him. The briefest hesitance on the hero’s part, “To be Batman… is to be alone”, is quelled by Rob!n saying “We could be alone… together.” Their first scene together quickly establishing the absurd sincerity exemplified by this incarnation of the Dynamic Duo. An energy carried directly into the Act 1 closing number, “The Dynamic Duet”, a joyful ode between the heroes about how they’re “Long lost brothers who found each other” sung as they beat up supervillains (and the occasional random civilian.)

That song also ties into the contrast between the Batman/Robin dynamic and the B@man/Rob!n one. While Holy Musical is portraying a brotherly/BFF bond between the two heroes, Lego Batman leans into the surrogate son angle. While both are mainly about their stories’ Batman being able to connect with others, the son angle of Lego Batman adds an additional layer of “Batman needs to take responsibility for himself and others” and a parallel to Alfred as Batman’s own surrogate father. It also adds to the queer-coding of Batman in Lego Batman as Batman’s excuse to Robin for why he can go on missions is that Bruce and he are sharing custody, Robin even calling Batman’s dual identities “dads” before he knows the truth.

In the absence of the accepting personal responsibility through fatherhood element, the conflict Rob!n brings out in Holy Musical forms between B@man and the citizens of Gotham. “Citizens as stand-ins for fandom” is at it’s clearest here as the Act 2 opener is called “Robin Sucks!” featuring the citizens singing about how… well, you read the title. Their objections to Rob!n’s existence has nothing to do with what the young hero has done or failed to do, but come from arguments purely about the aesthetic of Rob!n fighting alongside B@man. Most blatantly shown by one of the citizens wearing a Heath Ledger Joker t-shirt saying Rob!n’s presence “ruins the gritty realism of a man who fights crime dressed as a bat.” It works as the Act 2 opener by establishing that B@man and the citizens conflicting opinions on his sidekick end up driving that half of the story, exemplified in B@man’s complete confusion about why people hate Rob!n (“Robin ruined Batman? But that’s not true… Robin make Batman happy.”)

Both Robins play into the internal conflict their respective mentors are going through, but what would a superhero story, even a parody, be without some colorful characters to provide that sweet external conflict.

Going Rogue

Both works have the threat comes from an army of villains assembled under a ringleader, Zach Galifianakis’s Joker in Lego Batman and Jeff Blim as Sweet Tooth in Holy Musical. Both lead the full ensemble of Batman’s classic (and not so classic) Rogues at different points. As mentioned before Joker starts Lego Batman with “assemble the Rogues, blow up Gotham” as his plan, while Sweet Tooth with his candy prop comedy becoming the ringleader of Gotham’s villains is a key turning point in Act 1 of the play. Part of this comes down to how their connections to their respective heroes and environments are framed, Sweet Tooth as a new player on the scene and Joker as Batman’s romantic foil.

Lego Batman demonstrates Batman and Joker are on “finishing each other’s sentences” levels of intimate that Batman refuses to acknowledge. Shown best in how Joker’s plan only works because he can predict exactly how Batman will act once he starts playing hard to get. When he surrenders the entire Rogues Gallery (without telling them) and himself to police custody, he describes it as him being “off the market.” He knows Batman won’t settle for things ending on these terms and tricks the hero into stealing Superman’s Phantom Zone projector so he can recruit a new, better team of villains for a take two of his masterplan from the start. Going through all this trouble to get Batman to say those three magic words; “I love hate you.” Joker as the significant other wanting his partner to finally reciprocate his feelings and commit works both as a play on how the Batman/Joker relationship often gets approached and an extension of the central theme. Batman is so closed off to interpersonal connections he can’t even properly hate his villains.

Sweet Tooth, while clearly being a riff Heath Ledger and Caesar Romero’s Jokers fused with a dash of Willy Wonka, doesn’t have that kind of connection with B@man. Though there are hints that B@man and his recently deceased Joker may have had one on that level. He laments “[Joker]’s in heaven with mom and dad. Making them laugh, I know it!” when recalling how the Clown Prince of Crime was the one person he enjoyed being around. This makes Joker’s death one of the key triggers to B@man reflecting on his solitude at the start of the play.

What Sweet Tooth provides the story is a threat to B@man’s new bond with Rob!n. Disrupting that connection forms the delicious center of the Candy King of Crime’s plan in Act 2. He holds Rob!n and Gotham’s people hostage and asks the citizens to decide via Facebook poll if the sidekick lives or dies (in reference to the infamous phone hotline vote from the comic book story A Death in the Family where readers could decide the Jason Todd Robin’s fate.)

With the rest of the villains under the leadership of the respective works’ main antagonists, there’s commentary on their perceived quality as threats. When Holy Musical has Superman talking to Green Lantern about how much B@man’s popularity frustrates him, he comes down especially hard on the Caped Crusader’s villains. Talking about how they all coast by on simple gimmicks with especially harsh attention given to Two Face’s being “the number two.” Saying they’re only famous because B@man screws up and they get to do more damage. Which he compares to his own relationship with his villains:

Superman: You ever heard of Mr. Mxyzptlk? Green Lantern: No. Superman: No, that’s right! That’s because I do my job!

Lego Batman has commentary on the other villains come from Joker, recognizing that even all together they can never beat Batman, because that’s how a Batman story goes. The other villains get portrayed as generally buffoonish, struggling to even build a couch together and described by Joker as “losers dressed in cosplay.” Tricking Batman into sending him to the Phantom Zone provides him the opportunity to gather villains from outside Batman’s mythos and outside DC Comics in general. Recruiting the likes of Sauron, King Kong, Daleks, Agent Smith from The Matrix, and the Wicked Witch of the West, among others. When I first saw and reviewed The Lego Batman Movie, this bugged me because it felt like a missed opportunity to feature lesser-known villains from other DC heroes’ Rogues Galleries. Now, considering the whole movie as meta-commentary on the status of this Batman as a children’s toy, it makes perfect sense that Joker would need to go outside of comics to break the rules of a typical Batman story and have a shot at winning.

The Rogues of Holy Musical get slightly more of a chance to shine, if only because their song “Rogues are We” is one of the catchier tracks from the play. They’re all still more cameo than character when all’s said and done, but Sweet Tooth entering the picture is about him recognizing their potential to operate as a unit, takeover Gotham, and kill B@man. The candy-pun flinging villain wants all of them together, no matter their perceived quality.

Sweet Tooth: “We need every villain in Gotham. Cool themes, lame themes, themes that don’t match their powers, even the villains that take their names from public domain stories.” (Two Face’s “broke ass” still being the exception.)

Both Joker and Sweet Tooth provide extensions of the shared theme of Batman dealing with the new connections in his life, especially with regards to Robin. However, Robin isn’t the only other ally (or potential ally) these Dark Knights have on their side.

Super Friends(?)

The internal crisis of these Caped Crusaders come as much from how they react to other heroic figures as it does from supervillainous machinations. In both cases how Batman views and is viewed by fellow heroes gets centered on a specific figure, Superman in Holy Musical and Commissioner Barbara Gordon (later Batgirl) in Lego Batman. Each serves a vastly different purpose in the larger picture of their stories and relationship to their respective Batmen. Superman reflecting B@man’s loneliness and Barbara symbolizing a new path forward for Batman’s hero work.

Superman’s role in Holy Musical runs more parallel to Lego Batman’s Joker than Barbara. Brian Holden’s performance as the Man of Tomorrow plays into a projected confidence covering anxiety that nobody likes him. Besting the Bat-plane in a race during B@man’s Key to the City ceremony establishes a one upmanship between the two heroes, like Joker’s description of his relationship with Batman at the end of Lego Batman’s opening battle. Though instead of that romantically coded relationship from Lego Batman, this relationship is more connected to childish jealousy. (But if you do want to read the former into Holy Musical B@man, neither hero has an onstage relationship with any woman and part of their eventual fight consist of spanking each other.)

B@man and Superman’s first real interaction is arguing over who’s the cooler hero until it degrades into yelling “Fuck you!” at each other. B@man storming off in the aftermath of that gets topped off by Superman suggesting he should get the Key to the City instead, citing his strength and longer tenure as a hero (“The first hero, by the way”) as justifications. This only results in the Gotham citizens turning on him for suggesting their city’s hero is anything less than the best, which serves both as a Sam Raimi Spider-Man reference (“You mess with one of us! You mess with all of us!”) and another example of the citizens as stand-ins for fandom. Superman’s veil of cocksureness comes off quickly after that and stays off for the rest of the play. Starting with his conversation with Green Lantern where a civilian comes across them, but barely acts like Superman’s there.

One of the play’s running gags is Superman calling B@man’s number and leaving messages, showing a desperation to reach out and connect with his fellow hero despite initial smugness. Even before the first phone call scene, we see Superman joining B@man to sing “I want to be somebody’s buddy” during “Dark, Sad, Lonely Knight” hinting at what’s to come. The note it consistently comes back to is that Superman’s jealousy stems from Batman’s popularity over him. This is a complete flip of what Lego Batman does with the glimpse at a Batman/Superman dynamic we see when Batman goes to the Superman’s fortress to steal the Phantom Zone projector. The rivalry dynamic there exists solely in Batman’s head, Lego-Superman quickly saying “I would crush you” when Batman suggests the idea of them fighting. Superman’s status among the other DC heroes is also night and day between these works. Where Lego-Superman’s only scene in the movie shows him hosting the Justice League Anniversary Party and explaining he “forgot” to invite Batman, Superman in Holy Musical consistently lies about having friends over (“All night long I’m busy partying with my friends at the Fortress… of Solitude.”)

Superman’s relationship to B@man in Holy Musical develops into larger antagonism thanks to lack of communication with B@man brushing off Supes’ invitations to hang out and fight bad guys (“Where were you for the Solomon Grundy thing? Ended up smaller than I thought, just a couple of cool guys. Me and… Solomon Grundy.”) His own loneliness gets put into stronger focus when he sees the news of Rob!n’s debut as a crimefighter, which makes him reflect on how he misses having Krypto the Super-Dog around. (The explanation for why he doesn’t have his dog anymore is one of my favorite jokes in the play and I won’t ruin it here.)

Where Superman’s a reflection of B@man’s loneliness, Rosario Dawson as Barbara in Lego Batman is a confrontation of Batman’s go it alone attitude. Her job in the story is to be the one poking holes in the foundation of Batman as an idea, starting with her speech at Jim Gordon’s retirement banquet and her instatement as commissioner. She has a by-the-book outlook on crimefighting with the omnicompetence to back it up, thanks to her training at “Harvard for Police.” Babs sees Batman’s current way of operating as ineffectual and wants him to be an official agent of the law. An idea that dumps a bucket of cold water on Batman’s crush he developed immediately upon seeing her, though that never fully goes away.

Her main point is that Batman “karate chopping poor people” hasn’t made Gotham better in his 80 years of operating. A contrast to Holy Musical’s Jim Gordon announcing that B@man has brought Gotham’s crime rates to an all-time low (“Still the highest in the world, but we’re working on it.”) She wants to see a Batman willing to work with other people. A hope dashed constantly dealing with his childish stubbornness as he tries to foil Joker’s schemes on his own, culminating in her arresting Batman and Robin for breaking into Arkham to send Joker to the Phantom Zone.

Barbara’s role as the one bringing grown-up attitudes and reality into Batman’s world does leave her in the role of comedic straight woman. Humor in her scenes comes from how she reacts to everyone else’s absurdity rather than anything she does to be funny. This works for the role she plays in Lego Batman, since she’s not there to have an arc the way Superman does in Holy Musical. She’s another catalyst for Batman’s to start letting people in as another character he grows to care about. Which starts after she lets the Dynamic Duo out of prison to fight Joker’s new army of Phantom Zone villains on the condition that he plays it by her rules. Leading to a stronger bond between Batman, Robin, Alfred, and her as they start working together.

The two Batmen’s relationships to other heroes, their villains, Robin, and their own solitude each culminate in their own way as their stories reach their conclusions.

Dark Knights & Dawning Realizations

As everything comes down to the final showdowns in these Bat-parodies, the two Caped Crusaders each confront their failures to be there for others and allow themselves to be vulnerable to someone they’ve been antagonizing throughout the story. Each climax has all of Gotham threatened by a bomb and the main villains’ plans coming to fruition only to come undone.

Holy Musical has Sweet Tooth’s kidnapping of Rob!n and forcing Gotham to choose themselves or the sidekick they hate sends B@man into his most exaggerated state in the entire play. It’s the classic superhero movie climax conundrum, duty as a hero versus personal attachment. Alfred, having revealed himself as the “other butlers”, even lampshades how these stories usually go only for that possibility to get shot down by Bruce:

Alfred: A true hero, Master Wayne, finds a way to choose both. B@man: You’re right, Alfred. I know what I have to do… Fuck Gotham, I’m saving Robin!

B@man’s selfishness effectively makes him the real villain of Holy Musical’s second act. Lego Batman has shades of that aspect as well, where Batman gets sent to the Phantom Zone by Joker for his repeated refusal to acknowledge their relationship. Where the AI running the interdimensional prison, Phyllis voiced by Ellie Kemper, confronts him with the way he’s treated Robin, Alfred, Barbara, and even Joker:

Phyllis: You’re not a traditional bad guy, but you’re not exactly a good guy either. You even abandoned your friends. Batman: No! I was trying to protect them! Phyllis: By pushing them away? Batman: Well… yeah. Phyllis: Are they really the ones you’re protecting?

Batman watches what’s happening back in Gotham and sees Robin emulate his grim and gritty tendencies to save the day in his absence makes him desperately scream, “Don’t do what I would do!” It’s the universe rubbing what a jerk he’s been in his face. He’s forced to take a look at himself and make a change. B@man’s not made to do that kind of self-reflection until after he’s defeated Sweet Tooth but failed to stop the villain’s bomb. He’s ready to give up on Gotham forever and leave with Rob!n, until his sidekick pulls up Sweet Tooth’s poll and it shows the unanimous result in favor of saving the Boy Wonder. Despite everything they said at the start of Act 2, the people want to help their hero in return for all the times he helped them. All of them calling back to the Raimi Spider-Man reference from Act 1, “You mess with one of us. You mess with all of us.”

Both heroes’ chance at redemption and self-improvement comes from opening themselves up to the people they pushed out and dismissed earlier in their stories. Batman takes on the role he reduced the Commissioner down to at the beginning of the movie and flips on signals for Barbara, Alfred, and Robin to show how he’s truly prepared to work as a team, not just with his friends and family but with the villains of Gotham the Joker pushed aside as well. Teamwork makes the dream work and they’re all able to work together to get Joker’s army back into the Phantom Zone but like in Holy Musical they fail to stop the bomb threatening Gotham. Which he can only prevent from destroying the city by confessing his true feeling to Joker

Batman: If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have learned how connected I am with all of these people and you. So, if you help me save Gotham, you’ll help me save us. Joker: You just said “us?” Batman: Yeah, Batman and the Joker. So, what do you say? Joker: You had me at “shut up!”

The equivalent moment from Holy Musical comes from B@man needing to put aside his pride and encourage a disheartened Superman to save Gotham for him. This happens in the aftermath of a fight the two heroes had where Superman tried to stop B@man before he faced Sweet Tooth, B@man winning out through use of kryptonite. That fight doesn’t fit into any direct parallel with Lego Batman, but it is important context for how Superman’s feeling about B@man before Superman finally gets his long-awaited phone call from the Dark Knight. Also, the song accompanying the fight, “To Be a Man”, is one of the funniest scenes in the play. What this speech from B@man does is bring the idea of Holy Musical B@man as a commentary on fandom full circle:

B@man: I forgot what it means to be a superhero. But we’re really not that different, you and me, at our heart. I mean really all superheroes are pretty much the same… Something bad happened to us once when we were young, so we dedicated our whole lives to doing a little bit of good. That’s why we got into this crazy superhero business. Not to be the most popular, or even the most powerful. Because if that were the case, hell, you’d have the rest of us put out of a job!

This speech extends into an exchange between the heroes about how superheroes are cool, not despite anything superficially silly but because of it. Bringing it back to the “Robin Sucks!” theme that started Act 2, saying “Some people think Robin is stupid. But those people are pretentious douchebags. Because, literally, the only difference between Robin and me is our costumes.” The speech culminates in what I genuinely think is one of the best Batman lines ever written, as B@man’s final plea to Superman is “Where’s that man who’s faster than a gun?” calling back to the trauma that created Batman across all versions and what he can see in someone like Superman. So, B@man sacrificing his pride and fully trusting in another hero saves Gotham, the way Batman letting Joker know what their relationship means to him did in Lego Batman.

Each of these parodies ends by delivering a Batman willing to open himself up to a new team of heroes fighting at his side, the newly minted Bat-Family in Lego Batman and the league for justice known as the Super Friends in Holy Musical. Putting them side by side like this shows how creators don’t need the resources of a Hollywood studio to make something exactly as meaningful and how the best parodies come from love of the material no matter who’s behind them.

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