#it's such a pain to endure here
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Just an opinion. Although our school is famous for being a powerhouse for really smart and talented kids, I feel like it relies on the raw talent of the student rather than genuinely nurturing them or at least it's very selective with those it wants to nurture (which are usually the already exceptional kids). Which in turn is what makes it famous and gives it its reputation, and gets parents to enroll their talented kids in. It's not apparent bc well, sometimes, the only thing we qanna do is get the tf outta here lmao.
Rarely does it have qualified teachers that specialise in that particular subject, they just get who they can and teach to get it over with, training for comps are rarely formal, we have to sustain and improve ourselves on our own for said comps, then they get to claim all the credit "school that houses great future writers" or some shit. And then they give us the obviojs excuse of letting us be "independent" bc it "prepares us for college", how about let's do simulations first before the actual thing.
I also got one failed grade and one low grade bc of minor subjects. Now they're going to ruin my average. How am I supposed to compete to bigger, smarter students.
It's so tiring, I'm wasting so much time, I'm slowly burning out.
Our school can go burn down, with all my horrid classmates in it. Whatever prowess and prestige it had when I first enrolled here is nothing but rubble now that I'm almost leaving. Now go and watch them improve this trainwreck of a place after we leave :)
#the treatment of us and tvl vs abm and stem is just wow#the knowledge and teachings we get...i can get this from a google search i dont see what's so specialised ab it#and our section is mixed in with those who are lagging behind in hopes of us helping them are we babysitters??#i regret choosing humss or my school#it's such a pain to endure here#i get good grades but haha it could be better#im not really learning anything#i just know instead of these two years of k-12 helping me it's going to stump me when i get to college#haha how am i supposed to catch up to everybody else#i know neither the school or our adviser or half of our teachers give a shit#but lol this is the only chance i'll get to end my suffering pls give me better education...#also holy fuck our room is a literal sandstorm#stem gets the avr??#abm gets to keep their pristine room??#and when i vent ab it. everyone just talks ab how better they've got it sure?? is that supposed to make me feel better??#thanks for invalidating me ig there is no upside to this#ive been trying my hardest to endure and pretend like any of these minor inconveniences compounding together is okay to me.#when i complain ab grades like i just wanna get the highest like i think i dsserve from the effort i gave#im not undermining the one i got no way is it something to frown on but dont you think they can still give and compensate us thru this#from all the stupid shit we had to sit with#studying here is painful#i had to do this now every day#im honestlh considering if i should start skipping classes
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Sorry, but I can’t stop think about this right here…
#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#league of villains#bnha#mha#lov#shigaraki tomura#tenko shimura#bnha shigaraki#mha shigaraki#bnha season 7#mha season 7#LIKE— it’s stronger than me… these words keep replaying in my brain#and they actually destroy me ngl because he is right. HE GOT A POINT.#before you are ‘broken’ everyone doesn’t even spare a glance at you… some even might just downplay your pain…#but as soon as you ‘get out of character’ or explode after years of swallowing everything… you just become a ‘crazy bitch’ or ‘the problem’#which i personally think is sick and twisted because as soon as you choose to stop endure and stand up for yourself…#not only peoples look at you… but they even have the guts to call you dramatic problematic and crazy when you’re just HURT#and you were driven to that point by THE SAME persone who call you dramatic and sensitive who lack accountability#because their egocentrism narcissism and arrogance doesn’t allow them to think of themselves to be at fault#hori manipulating and brainwashing everyone into thinking that the lov weren’t onto something right here makes me nauseous…#like— no. FUCK. NO. WHY ARE YOU INVALIDITATING ALL OF THE LOVs FEELINGS?????? STOP IT. USE YOUR BRAIN DAMMIT.
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regardless of the "learn how to be alone" dravel, being lonely actually is really bad for your mental health and can be very painful :p
#i've been doing so so bad#and i've had breakdowns frequently this past week#and i dont have friends or family or a partner or even a therapist lmao#so im alone and thus only feeling worse and worse#my mom has been in an unusual bad mood lately so i havent been able to talk to her at all#but today she asked me to go to her to the store bc she wanted me to buy smth#and on the way we watched the snails and she found them cute (she has never appreciated snails before)#and now i instantly feel a bit better and a bit more normal after only 15 min of hanging out with her#it's so easy for ppl who have family or friends or a partner to judge and criticize me#but like.... u have ppl close to u and u know nothing abt what it feels like to be in my position#it's so condescending and lacking of compassion#i dont understand your pov either but at least im not TELLING YOU directly how much i judge you#like ppl judge me so hard for feeling miserable in my loneliness... but it's easy for u to say those things#like u dont feel my despairing loneliness bc u have a fkn partner. u have fkn friends. or a fkn family. easy for u to judge me from up ther#anyway im much better at being alone than most ppl bc im still alive and im enduring the pain every day#other ppl have ppl around them 💀 only others who are all alone can understand how much it hurts#and it wont be fixed by loving yourself or loving to be alone or whatever other bs they use to criticize u ._.#being alone IS harmful to your health. there are studies on it and im not just making that shit up#i AM allowed to feel pain bc i dont have anyone#ugh esp ppl w partners who can receive physical and romantic attention.... when they judge me.....#stfu forever u have no idea how i feel 💀 and u could never know simply by having had a partner at all...#but yeah. it bothers me too bc i NEVER see someone on here and go#damn i hate this sm i gotta let them know by sending them anons or vague post abt them#like i dont get up in their faces and tell them all my judgemental or bitter or hateful thoughts abt them#even this post is only bc other ppl have taken the liberty to without my consent or having asked tell me directly how pathetic i am#how im not allowed to feel alone. how i have a victim mentality so on and so forth#i never tell other ppl things like that. even if i think them (which honestly i rarely do unless they're extremely toxic TO other ppl) i wo#say shit abt it to them.... ??? like why?#when i sometimes see like ppl have friends on here or talk abt their partners i can feel bitter and jealous#bc im surrounded by seeing things i so deeply crave but im not a humanbeing worth of those things
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FFXIV Write
I plan to do these prompts. I'm going to do the write this year.
But please understand I'm going to do it in my own time. My life currently has been nothing but pain and doctors appointments.
When I feel well enough I'm going to put my whole heart into this challenge.
This is going to be the year I don't let this one slip by.
I just have to be more physically well first.
#I say this after enduring an edometrial biopsy#there have been two times in my entire life where I've ever shouted in pain in a doctor's office.#this was one of those two times.#o7 I'm just going to lay here - cry - and heal.#Being kind to myself.#I'll get to this when well
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is everything terrible or is it just the damp of the first spring rain
#no but really. I adore this moment so much#because it’s eowyn’s whole problem and the problem of her circumstances in microcosm#she is alone and cold. the city has fallen silent. there’s no one there. there’s no one to balance out her view#there’s no one to stand next to her and see things for what they are#yes—painful dark difficult#but also. sometimes just in process#sometimes just hidden in shadow#sometimes just the curve of the valley#sometimes just the damp of the first spring rain!!!!!!!!!!!#you can’t see that truth on your own and if you try to be positive you tip into delusion#you can’t achieve balance on your own. and so just.#him stepping up to stand next to her. his hand going into hers. saying I do not believe this darkness will endure#it just rights the ship of her soul in a way that hasn’t happened yet#because no one has ever stood beside her#or maybe it’s a part of the righting of her soul—Theoden and Eomer both have their moments where they draw near her and around her#in a way they didn’t (couldn’t? didn’t?) before#but then he’s just the last piece. someone from outside. someone who sees her with such clear eyes. who loves her with such a hopeful heart#and all of her angst just washes away#sorry I’m just having a breakdown over here#Eowyn’s story kills me. I think about it all the time. I think about her isolation and her innocence and her bravery and her vulnerability#and her unsteadiness and her desire for glory and how pure and bright and vivid like flame she is and Faramir just being there to catch her#and let her be who she actually is. I JUST———#lotr liveblogging
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Boy I sure hope that joy cometh in the morning
#weeping IS in fact enduring in the night atm#due to health issues a few things weighing on the heart an unexpected little grief today#and also general period pains#including that thing in my head that goes. wow. i wish i had a boyfriend. also a house. also my mother here with me#fmndsmskxjxmxnxndmdndn#mouse brain doing LAPS in the hamster wheel of the heart tonight!!!!!!!!#pleaseeee God let me not experience difficulty breathing or swelling of the tongue or anything close to anaphylaxis!!!!! please!!!!!!!!!!!#healing girl era summer '24
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HI STORY !
Storming here. I am psychically sending you a bouquet of your FAVORITE flowers.
<3 cab
HELLO CAB!!
wish it was storming here too........ im a massive fan of summer storms (so dangerous so pretty) but we had like maybe 2 of these this year. shame shame. in exchange for the mental image of the flowers i could offer to gift a mental image of a favorite bug. or an earthworm aside from that how are you holding up!!! hows college going!
#it was actually like 30C over here again........ similiar tomorrow#pain and suffering! but we endure#ask#i really like earthworms. i try to get them off the main paths when i see them so people dont step on them </3
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^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^
#egg speaks#read these as progressively more pained and annoyed#a fucking hour or some shit now#nobody here. irl workplace annoyances. hello to my one coworker who follows me enduring this at the same time#👋
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if this garrus figure does not ship soon i may have to cancel it i'm sad man
#q1 2024 my DICK its MID MAY i wont be here forever man..!!#cancelled duckarian because fig was pushed back to q2 and i was nearing the due date to ship duckarian. and i wouldnt ship em separate#due to customs/shipping CA pain. i wanted to save. but the delay! so i picked the other. but still not ready. i have a month still here top#graaaah. RAAAAH. I CAN CHANGE ADDRESS BC ITS NOT SHIPPED BUT NOW IM ALL. PLS DONT SHIP HIM WRONG PLACE WAHH#I dont know where I'm goin still!! Not till we're sold here and have money to look. So its cutting awful close i have to stay on top of.#All very high-priority in the grand scheme of legal and family health things being endured but. ;;;;;;;;;;;;; let me bitch a bit#Im impatient and nervous only bc hes technically a gift from someone and was meant to help me feel better over this. Feel like a mama hen#DO U PROMISE GARRUS IS OK IN THE WAREHOUSE.. THAT HE KNOWS HIS WAY HERE... NEW ROUTE CHANGE..PLEASE AND THANK YOU#armour clanking
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sensing a theme.
#something about pain and suffering being something you endure so that you're somehow.... transformed or better or happier in the end#that lessons are learned in the enduring#that there is pride to be taken in the enduring#dont mind me just web weaving a bit here#bg3#bg3 dialogue#bg3 spoilers#roz pt
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Yoooo Voli I made ya a Electrochemistry × Volition playlist https://open.spotify.com/playlist/19Au6o98AzOf4hEGLMHKtB?si=7kBYYWAhSR-TuLPYicpgYg&pi=a-iR4K2sFbQsWA
also I can't DM you bc you don't follow me, LEMME IN PLS :3
oh hi hello! oooh, hold on, lemme add the link so its clickable. some cool songs in here, thank you for sharing :D!!
also yeah, sorry! :'3 DMs make me nervous and uncomfortable unfortunately, and i much prefer communicating through asks and comments if thats cool!!
#coffee is an EXTREMELY good one for them. i understand the vision of this one PERFECTLY. ''just a sip!'' ''maybe a cup of self-control''#politely considering the implications of love like you. ''if i could begin to do something that does right by you'' as echem and ''i could-#even learn how to love like you'' as voli. i cant put this into words. echem self aware he's fucking it up. voli not letting himself give#into vices like love. traits they look at each other at first with a scoff (''you keep suggesting vices that will hurt harry.'' ''maybe let#yourself have a good thing sometimes you killjoy!'') but they better each other. echem looking forward to better things; little joys#voli learning to allow those little joys and love. is this anything?? i just want them to help each other heal.#and then dead girl walking. thinks about it and smirks to myself slightly. yeah. yeah i get it lmao.#left brain right brain is just a big musical number with several skills taking different lines#left brain: logic; ency; viscalc; voli; authority?; esprit; endurance?; pain thresh; h/e coord; interfacing; composure#right brain: rhetty; drama; concept; inland; empy; suggestion; phys inst; ECHEM.; half lit; savvy; react speed#shiv isnt here because she will not be involved in this lmao. percep is just chilling. it's senses baby!! it's not getting in on this lmao#this is so sad for my empath and voli bestie agenda but alas.#anyway may i suggest: 'A Lovely Night' from La La Land | 'Bad Little Boy' from Adventure Time | 'Weak' by AJR | 'Sweet Talk' Saint Motel#and on my bullshit as usual: ''From Eden' by hozier because ''chivalry fell on his sword / i slithered here from eden'' is so volichem :]#volta transmissions#esprit: Zo
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in a very vulnerable state so ofc i had to read the lyrics to pomp and gallantry
#DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT KARMA TRULY IS#IT IS THE CULMINATION OF PAST MISTAKES AND GLORY WAS REMAINING IN ITS SNARE SIMPLY TAKING THE PATH OF TAKING THE LEAST RESISTANCE??????????#A GUILTY CONSCIENCE. PANGS OF REMORSE. SELF-SACRIFICE.#ULTIMATELY FLEEING DOWN THOSE EASIER ROADS MEANS I HAVE FAILED TO RESOLVE THE TRUE ISSUES 🗣️🗣️🗣��#WITHIN THESE LABYRINTH WALLS YOU SAY YOU THAT TIME AND ENDURANCE ARE NO LONGER NEEDED???#THAT YOU CAN ESCAPE FROM HERE SO SIMPLY?????#NEXT WILL YOU TELL ME THAT LIFE ITSELF COMES WITHOUT PAIN????????#valiant posting
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2023 was the worst year of my life. not sure what's to come or where to start but i know things have to change, i have to fix things somehow
#i haven't been very active online#last june i experienced something traumatic and i'm stuck in an environment in which i cannot heal#plus chronic pain has inhibited my life to a devastating degree#so all i've done these past months is sink further and further into a sadness and emptiness and pain i can't describe#it's scary to look in the mirror at somebody entirely unrecognizable. i feel hollow and devoid of any traits#i feel i've lost everything that made me 'myself'#lost my family. lost my health. lost myself. lost all the things i cared about once#i don't think i can ever return to the person i was before. so i have no option but to start anew#i need to stop being so terribly nostalgic for the things i can never get back#i can't keep clinging onto broken shards#honestly i know deep down that holding on to the hurt has never served me. and i doubt it ever will#but i'm scared to let go. scared of what will take its place. scared of what i'll find.#i don't think i can heal here#so i'm just enduring. but it's scary how time keeps passing. i've been so dissociated and none of this feels real#i feel so hopelessly lost and trapped and behind. i'm 23 now but it feels so wrong#✩
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Also knee still hurts, but I'm returning to work in less than a week because I cannot stay off for a year. Will likely fall there, which will hopefully bring my referral forward. I do think this is a case of when I will fall again and not if. Tbh I just hope it happens somewhere safe with not many people around so I can go to the hospital and my referral can hopefully get sped up
#my manager is nice he is realistic about wtf is going on here#and doctors not taking me seriously#went for a short walk today to test my knees endurance and it didn't go well#I'm going back for four hour shifts spread over more days so that's good it'll be less pressure#but that walk was only like an hour and it was a huge struggle#plus when I last went off it only started to pop and crack an hour into my shift#so it is just a case of it never fully healing and getting continously injured again and again until I end up falling again#I think#but that's the only time they'll bring my referral forward#so it's weird that I kind of want it to happen#like yes. it's the worst pain I've ever experienced#but just get it over with#its going to happen again#there's no way it wont and i cant wait a year
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God just because most women don’t wear their suffering on their sleeve everybody seems to think we don’t suffer and we just HAVE to help these poor suffering men because who else to do it right?
#I’m just connecting the dots with shared experience of my eldest daughter friends#it’s actually insane how diminished our suffering is#and yeah everyone talks about it here but in the real world? no one gives a damn#you decide to suck up your pain and endure for the sake of your family and suddenly you’re healed and ready to heal others#all while still remaining the common punching bag#me and my friends deserve financial compensation fr fr
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wait what happened to fifty fifty!!!???!!
Hi this is a month late it got lost in my drafts whoops and then recent developments reminded me of it
pls note that I don’t know everything and it’s possible I misremembered a few details
short answer: effectively disbanded and derided in the media. I really wish them all the best :( they’ve said they want to keep making music together but it is not looking good rn
long answer: abused by their company, painted in a bad light when they tried to break contract (press and CEO of Attrakt made them out to be greedy— tbh I don’t even care if they only wanted more money, but like obviously that wasn’t the singular issue here), ceo has also said that he wants to keep the fifty fifty name and just replace them with four new girls… come on man.
also because of this contract lawsuit stuff they lost out on Barbie promos/music video and I believe that’s also why their kcon appearance was cancelled.
also also one of the girls’ personal info was revealed without her permission— i think she was taking a health hiatus and the company made this known without getting her permission.
and the company has said they’re planning on debuting a new gg soon. if these trainees were treated anything like how fifty fifty says they were I hope they get out of there asap
fifty fifty just released another statement, here’s a summary and translation. their time at Attrakt was awful and this kind of stuff absolutely should not happen, it’s baffling to me that public opinion isn’t fully supporting them but instead sympathetic to the company
#m#asks#it’s really disheartening to see the caveat in the first paragraph that all idol performances come from enduring pain…. ?!?!??????!????!!!?#like jesus christ it doesn’t have to be this way I hate it here
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