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personasintro · 2 years ago

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monachopsis | 08

↳ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬; after receiving unpleasant news that doesn’t allow you to grow your family, your husband comes up with an idea that unfortunately involves his brother whom he despises

⇢ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: tattoo artist!yoongi x reader

⇢ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: angst, fluff, smut, mini series

⇢ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: explicit language, toxic parents (nothing new lol)

⇢ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 15k+

↳ chapter index

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It's been two months and you still can't believe it.

You're not quite sure what you're going through. On the outside, you try to be happy and content, desperately trying to convince yourself that this is something you've been waiting for. The journey to get there has been messy and it affected you more than you could've ever imagined. But nobody knows that. Nobody knows about the inner battles you're facing every hour, even every minute of your day.

The little life growing inside of you is… an overwhelming feeling to say the least. It's a huge reminder.

Yeonseok is thrilled, and has been from the moment he found you standing in the bathroom, barely able to comprehend the news. He's ten times happier, always smiling and making sure you have everything you need – not that he hasn't been doing that before. Now he doesn't allow you to clean and often, you have to remind him you're not even in that stage of being pregnant.

If it wasn't for the famous morning sickness, you would barely know it. It's still early for you to experience the different uncomfortable symptoms and struggles. However, you can't pinpoint whether the pregnancy is to be blamed for the frequent throwing up or your own conscience. You don't want to make it sound as if your mental health is on a bad path. More like the guilt is making your life tough. But no one is really to blame.

Realizing, you spend your time trying to constantly convince yourself just for you to end up with the same miserable ache in your chest. It's not good for the baby, that's what you often say in your inner and silenced thoughts that no one ever hears.

With Yeonseok too excited, he wasn't waiting too long to drop the news to his parents who, to be completely honest, have been just as thrilled. They've showered you with so much love, not hiding how excited they're about their unborn first grandchildren. They don't know the whole truth though. You're not sure if it's something you'd share with them. That would be fucking weird, let's be honest.

It feels like Yeonseok is too prideful to admit the truth. It feels embarrassing to do so as well. You're not sure if you could face your parents-in-law. But it feels wrong to be lying not just to them, but to yourself and in general. You're no saint, but all of it feels wrong.

Just like the fancy birthday dinner you've been invited to. It's Mrs. Min's birthday and apparently, she doesn't want to make it a big party which is so unlike her. It's been a couple of days since you've visited Min's residence. They made sure to invite you more often which you don't find particularly annoying or anything close to it. But having Mins right there in front of you… it reminds you how badly you, all of you, have fucked up with this deal. It should've been so easy but it's the exact opposite.

Mrs. Min places a greek salad on the table, the amount of food could surely feed a whole village, as she sits down with the biggest smile she so kindly gives you. It's hard to think of her as a bad person. But you can't help it and think about what he told you. You've experienced her to look frustrated, amongst other things, when it came to this one person.

The not so Korean food looks appetizing, though you're ready to dig into the steak instead, as its smell fills up your nostrils. The first bite tastes divine and you almost hum and moan from the delicious taste. In the midst of your second bite, Maria – their maid in her late fifties who has been with the Min's family since their sons were kids – apologizes for the disturbance and informs the family about someone's arrival.

“Mr. Min is here, m'am.” she adds, stating the reason for her disturbance.

The fork in your hand almost clinks against the expensive ceramic of your plate, but your hold tightens around it. The moment Maria excuses herself to prepare the dessert in the meantime, you swear your whole stomach strains as nausea hits you. You know it's no morning sickness or the delicious dish prepared by Maria and the chef in Min's kitchen. It's the damn psyche of having to see him again because he's here.

Despite today being his mother's birthday dinner, the thought of him coming over went over your head. Him coming makes sense but at the same time – it doesn't. He never comes at family dinners, very rarely and the shock on your in-laws faces tells you they're just as surprised. Yeonseok scoffs silently on your left, the sound not going unnoticed by you but you decide not to react.

Your heart hammers in your chest and you've lost all your appetite, nerves slowly crawling to every cell in your body.

“Well, what surprising news.” Mrs. Min fills the silence, and even though her voice doesn't hold any hostility, she doesn't sound pleased or even happy to hear her second son came. She simply voices her thoughts as if the topic is about the most casual or random thing ever.

Mr. Min hums, reaching for his glass of wine before a set of footsteps come closer and closer. With each step and second, you feel like flying out of the stool and hiding yourself somewhere in this huge house. You're nervous.

Nervous to see him again after you ended everything. It's stupid, what was going on between you could be considered purely as a business and you know you did what was for the best. Things were about to get too messy and you couldn't let that happen.

But you're also scared shitless. The thought of seeing him again shouldn't affect you this much and you're completely aware of this fact. The guilt – and so does the nausea – rises but before you can excuse yourself to use the restroom, not caring how weird that would look suddenly, Yoongi in the flesh stops at the entrance of the dining room.

It's not just you who naturally look at him because of his arrival or sounds of his footsteps, you all look up from your plates to stare at him. His hair color is different, you immediately notice since you're not met with his usual black hair and are shocked to see the silver color. His whole appearance is rather unexpected.

He stands there wearing a suit, looking the most elegant you've ever seen him. He's giving a completely different vibe and if you didn't know him, you would think he's someone else. It's weird to think how he suddenly fits into this family and you can tell he holds the same power every Min family member does.

The tattoos are hidden from everyone's sight and the most eye-catching feature is currently his hair color. He looks astonishing.

He scans the room, almost surprised to see just the four of you as his eyes stop at you for a moment. Your breath gets caught in your throat and you swear you stop breathing for a moment, anticipating whatever is about to come. But then he looks away and averts his gaze at his parents instead – and you hate how that pains you.

“Yoongi,” His mother says, not hiding her surprise. “We thought you wouldn't come.”

“It's your birthday, mother.” Yoongi informs as if she didn't know that.

Despite Yoongi avoiding any family gatherings and their sore relationship, Yoongi would always make sure to at least drop a gift to one of his parents whenever it's their birthday. He wouldn't often spend the day with them, or attend any parties they are used to throwing, but he tried his best to at least give them something.

After the failures of any parties he attended, it was just safer for him to avoid them all. Even though he was painted as the bad guy who doesn't care about anything, not even his parents.

But he came now – bearing a gift in the form of a small paper bag.

And then he moves and you watch every single step he takes toward the table, stopping beside his mother as she stands up with a hand over her chest as she notices the gift. Yoongi takes her hand into his big ones, rings adoring his long fingers as his lips brush against her cheeks before he wishes her a happy birthday. She thanks him, smiling the first time since he came here as she places the gift on the floor to check it out later.

Maybe she didn't want to disturb the dinner, but you still can't help but think she could've at least looked at the gift her son bought her. Does she even care about the gift?

But Yoongi doesn't look phased one bit, unbuttoning his suit as he sits at the free seat which happens to be right in front of you. Your eyes meet for a split second and you quickly look away, not having the strength to look at him any longer.

The table is huge but it wouldn't make sense for him to have a seat a few seats from everyone. You know he didn't have much choice but right now, having him right in front of you makes your legs shake in nervosity.

“We're glad you came tonight, son.” Mr. Min says at the head of the table.

Yoongi meekly nods before Maria comes again, ready to serve Yoongi his food as he simply puts his hand up. “I'm fine to serve my own food, thank you Maria.”

She looks a little perplexed at Yoongi's parents, but offers Yoongi a soft smile before she bows and retrieves back to the kitchen, informing dessert is ready whenever you're ready.

Yoongi serves his own food, his movements gentle and you gulp at the sight of his veiny hands as they reach to the bowl of roasted parmesan baby potatoes.

“Honey, does the steak not taste good?” Yeonseok speaks next to you, his hand on top of your thigh as you jump in your spot, staring at him with wide eyes. He cocks his head at your plate, noticing you've taken only one bite so far and seem to be not hungry at all.

With his question, Yeonseok attracts everyone's attention at the table and you gulp, giving him a tensed smile. “No, it's delicious.”

“Yeonseok, stop questioning her. You know how–”

Almost feeling like what she's about to say, you interrupt Mrs. Min's in the midst of her sentence knowing how rude that looks because you've never done that before. But you couldn't help it.

“It's delicious. Really.” you assure them, forcing yourself to take a second bite but instead of the good taste, all you want is to spit it out.

Your mother-in-law looks a little surprised by your interruption but she shakes herself out of it, offering you a gentle smile as she reaches for her red wine. However, she has different plans than just leaving the topic, Yeonseok's question and everything about it reminding her of the obvious.

“Yoongi, you should congratulate your brother. And Y/N.”

This time, you don't manage to catch the fork as it loudly clanks against the plate and you nervously apologize. Mrs. Min sounds ecstatic, cheerful at her words as she beams at both of you, your unusual behavior going completely unnoticed as everyone beams in the room. Well, your in-laws do as they shoot bright smiles your way. They're happy, it's nice to witness it but it's the least of things you can focus on.

Yoongi arches his brow, leans against his stool as he glances at his mother. “Congratulate?”

“Your big brother is about to be a father.”

The whole world stops.

At least it feels like that. Your stomach churns uncomfortably and you hate yourself how automatically you look at Yoongi. His features remain neutral, staring at his mother before he averts his sharp and dark gaze at you. Holy shit.

You've no idea what Yoongi thinks right now. Does he think you're a liar? You did tell him you're not pregnant – but only because you didn't know at that time. You made it seem as if you're helping him despite him not reaching the end of your deal. All of this is fucking messy. A fucking mess you can't seem to get out of.

And then he glances at his brother, forcing you to look at your husband as well as he stares sharply at Yoongi as if he's daring him to say something. He's tense and not in his usual relaxed posture as he glares the hell out of Yoongi.

But Yoongi only stares back at him, neutral almost like a robot before he opens his mouth and lets out a mere; “Congrats.”

His parents stare and clear their throats at the same time, biting back any distasteful remarks about Yoongi's lack of enthusiasm. That's what pisses them off. The lack of emotions he shows. It shows how controlling of him they want to be.

But Yoongi comes here like a king, showing them they can't control him.

You start noticing the little details even more now.

It's funny because the two brothers are wearing the same type of clothing, but both of them radiate completely different energy. You look at your husband and you see an attractive man. Both of them are attractive just in different ways and you hate that Yoongi is the one who makes your stomach flutter with a set of butterflies. It's just his looks and energy.

By asking to be excused, you would draw even more attention and you don't want anyone to feel like there's something going on. So you stay seated in your spot, bracing to take the stupid fork again along with knife.

For the rest of the dinner, you try to get as much food as it's possible into your stomach, swallowing down any urge to push the plate away. Your in-laws mostly talk through it along with Yeonseok as they talk about business and all sorts of stuff you don't care to listen to.

Yoongi, sitting on the opposite side from you, remains silent too as he chews on the food until his plate is empty. When Maria comes back with the dessert, a molten chocolate cake, you barely eat a half of it which is truly a shame. You were so excited for tonight's food, knowing it's always delicious and your in-laws are very precise when it comes to food and inviting someone over, whether it's for lunch or dinner.

You can't help it though. It's your nerves acting up and even your recent sweet cravings won't save you this time. Luckily, nobody voices your non-eager attitude when it comes to food, and this time you don't even care how it might look. All of that is somewhere back in your mind, if even, because all you can focus on is the man sitting not far away from you. You're practically right in front of his eyes, fully exposed to him even though he doesn't look your way. At least you think he doesn't.

You act as if he's not there, not even glancing his direction though you're more than aware of his presence. You don't feel his burning eyes on you – you're not sure if you want to. Yet it feels like there's many unspoken things between you, and him ignoring you too doesn't sit well with you. Which is selfish, you're aware, because you're doing the same thing.

So when the dessert is over and everyone continues to drink the expensive alcohol of each of their choice, Yoongi excuses himself to get some fresh air and he gets dismissed, even though he truly doesn't care. He leaves his seat and disappears further down the house.

Should you go talk to him?

You feel like you should.

But are you ready?

Not at all.

What are you going to say to him? You've no idea where to start or what you want to tell him at all. There's just this feeling that pushes you to go and talk to him.

Plus you don't want to make any bad blood with Yeonseok. It's already enough that he looked annoyed at Yoongi's sudden presence and unexpected arrival. The reason behind it is your pregnancy without doubt. No matter how Yeonseok says the baby is his, he knows biologically it is not. None of you can change that.

And you don't want to give him any reason to doubt you, or want to make him feel like you want to get closer to his brother. Not at all. It's better if you stay away from him – that much is clear.

Maybe living with this guilt is your price for ever agreeing to your husband's ridiculous plan. He's not one to blame though. You agreed after all.

So why the hell do you stand up after softly patting the corners of your lips, excusing yourself to use the restroom?

You know the restroom is not a place you're going to visit. Navigating your way through the house, you get to the backdoor that leads to a large garden and even before opening the tall and big glass door, you already spot Yoongi leaning against a pillar. A cigarette between his two fingers as he brings it closer to his mouth as he takes a drag.

Quietly but not too subtly, you open the door and sneak into the chilly night where stars surround the dark sky. The automatic lights already inform him about your presence, if the sound of the door opening hasn't.

But he doesn't react.

He never looks up. Nor even glances in your direction as he continues to smoke as if he's still alone, despite your figure coming closer.

Taking a shaky breath, you grow even more nervous to be facing him, no… to talk to him, again. Is he even aware of your presence? He must be. There's no way he doesn't know.

But much to your luck, it seems like he decides to put you out of your misery once he looks up, no longer staring into the distance or at his black elegant boots. The suit is gone and he stands before you in a white button-up, some of his tattoos slightly visible through the thin fabric. Averting his eyes right at you, no shock is evident on his neutral and expressionless face, he remains silent.

“Hi.” you stupidly offer into the thick air, not averting your gaze as much as you would want to.

A beat of silence follows.

“Hi.” he says back after a moment.

You hug your arms, rubbing your forearms to mask your nervosity as you bite into your lower lip harshly. Nobody takes any initiative in starting a conversation and you know it has to be you. You came to him after all. Not the other way around.

If you didn't come to him, there's a big possibility Yoongi wouldn't approach you. It didn't seem like he wanted to, to be honest.

Opening your mouth, no words come out of it as you ponder about your next words. But once you actually think of saying something, Yoongi beats you to it and his deep voice reaches your ears.

“What do you want, Y/N?”

He's straight-forward. Perhaps a little bit too much and you actually find yourself slightly offended by the question and the tone of it.

Okay. No beating around the bush. You got it.

So far it feels like Yoongi wants to have nothing to do with you. Not that you can't blame him.

“I didn't lie to you.” you blurt out suddenly.

He watches you, his features not changing even a bit before he slightly cocks his head to the side. He takes another drag, aiming his face in the opposite direction as a cloud of smoke leaves his mouth.

“I didn't know I was pregnant when I… talked to you the last time.” you specify as he remains silent before a silent chuckle leaves his mouth.

He finishes smoking, the cigarette now short and almost all used as he hollows his cheeks while he takes a deep inhale of it. Once he's done, he presses the cigarette against the white pillar which makes your breath hitch as he throws the stud on the grass. He doesn't bother to go to the nearest bin and throw it out.

His mother will be surely ecstatic once she finds it.

“Congratulations.” he says somehow dryly, but maybe that's just his usual way of distancing himself.

You don't expect him to be over the moon with the news. All of this is weird and his lack of reaction just proves to you that he doesn't really think much about this situation. You know what the deal was and the child growing inside you is not his. No matter how biologically that is incorrect. It's not like you expected him to give you some kind of reaction, other than the pure ignorance and a lack of interest he's showing.

“Congratulations?” you mutter back just as dryly, his dark eyes watching you.

“What do you want me to say, Y/N?” he sighs.

At the sound of your name, your heart clenches at how cold he sounds.

“I came here to tell you that I didn't lie to you. I didn't know and I only found out after we talked.”

Yoongi didn't know it for sure. You didn't know when you came to his place to put an end to everything. Clearly, he was aware of all the risks because there was still a chance. Fuck, it would be such a bad luck if you didn't get pregnant after all those times he fucked you just in one night.

But then a notification popped on his screen and his bank account has suddenly grown into something it never has before. The exact money that all of you settled on was now sitting in his bank account.

To be completely truthful, Yoongi didn't think you would be able to convince Yeonseok to send him the money. Yeonseok is stubborn, in a completely different way than Yoongi is and whatever has to do with him, he knows Yeonseok is even ten times more stubborn than normally. He hasn't had the chance to see much of your marriage and relationship, yet he knows Yeonseok is much softer around you. You're his wife after all and maybe there's some truth to it that people we love bring out the best in us.

So he thought you somehow convinced him.

And when he decided to come here and celebrate his mother's birthday, the last thing he expected to find out is that you really are pregnant after all. But is it that much of a shock? Somehow he settled with the thought that you aren't.

Maybe you decided to get a sperm donor after all, that's what he thought.

But according to your words, nothing like that has happened and you're pregnant thanks to him.

“Relax,” he sighs, “I didn't even think of you lying. I mean it's probably for the best that it ended up like this, no?”

You frown a little. “What do you mean?”

“I felt fucking bad for getting the money without you getting a part of your deal. So now that you actually got it, there shouldn't be any bad feelings.”

He makes it sound so easy, yet you feel like your heart is cracking for some reason. And you're fucking confused because you don't know what you want him to say. You don't know how you want him to react. The only thing you know is that none of this feels right and it's a fucking mess. And the same guilt is slowly crawling all over your body.

“Right.” you gulp, hearing your heartbeat in your ears as you try to utter a few words but nothing comes out.

Your head feels heavy and what feels like anxiety engulf your body. Even your legs feel like jelly and you hate yourself for wearing heels tonight, even though they're not that high to begin with. You stumble on the spot, your eyes widening in shock as you expect the worst. Luckily, Yoongi is close and even though the single stumble wouldn't make you fall, Yoongi places his hands around your forearms and holds you steady.

“Are you okay?” he asks, leaning his face closer to you as he tries to inspect your face.

Nodding, you swallow the uncomfortable lump in your throat rather dryly and despite your confirmation that you're okay, you look anything but it.

You're shocked. Shocked yourself. Shocked by this situation. You're exhausted, wanting to escape from the constant guilt and never-ending discontent you're feeling.

“Come on. You should sit down or go inside.” Yoongi mutters but you don't move, eyes wide in shock as you can't react in any way.

Your mind is whirling, you're completely aware of what's happening even though you're confused too. But your body seems to not react.

“Hey, come on talk to me,” Yoongi offers softly, taking your chin between his fingers as he makes you look at him.

His sharp eyes are set on you, a small frown adoring his face. “How far along are you? Is that what people ask pregnant women?”

Something snaps in you and a breathless laugh escapes your mouth. Yoongi's lips twitch and he nods his head to encourage you to answer.

“Two months?” There's a tilt to your tone that makes it sound like a question and Yoongi laughs a little.

“Are you asking me?”

You laugh, shaking your head as Yoongi slowly lets go of your arms and inspects you with his eyes once more. “I don't know. People have this stupid tendency to talk about everything in weeks when it comes to pregnancy and babies, and I'm confused over it.”

Yoongi snorts, “You and I both. I don't know shit about pregnancy.”

“I like your hair.” you blurt out and you don't fail to notice the brief look of surprise shadowing Yoongi's features until he lets out a breathy chuckle, brushing his fingers through his now silver hair.

“You do? Thought my mother would have some kind of snarky comment about it but she didn't.”

You laugh, eyes glancing at the top of his head again. Yeonseok would never dye his hair, you're sure about that. It's one of the many things that differs him and Yoongi.

“I never knew you're planning to dye your hair.” you admit, though it's stupid because of course you didn't know. You're not friends and there are so many things you don't know about him.

You both know that but luckily, Yoongi goes along with it and shoots you a brief smile.

“Yeah, it wasn't a plan. Just a spontaneous idea. My friend thought it's a good idea to do this at midnight.”

His friend?

Again, you don't know any of Yoongi's friends. All you heard is from Yeonseok and if you remember correctly, he called them 'a bunch of stoners' which you're not sure if it's accurate at all. Where would Yeonseok even see or meet his friends? It's most likely one of his judgy assumptions rather than a raw truth.

“Oh, the one I saw in your studio?”

What the hell?

Why would you say that?

Yoongi looks at you before he simply says; “Yeah.”

You know you have the look on your face. He sees it. He sees what you're assuming but he doesn't do anything to correct you.

Is he sleeping with her again? He did say they used to hook-up, that much you can remember. Actually, you can remember every single thing he said to you.

There's nothing holding him back now. He can do anything he wants to. So why do you feel… bitter about it?

You're the one married. You're the one who's pregnant.

Seeing him and being so close to him, there's something pulling you closer to him. Something that wants you to be in his close proximity. It's not love. You're sure of it. How can you love someone you barely know?

But the attraction you feel toward him is too much. It feels just the same as it did when you decided to end things. Nothing has changed and that scares you. You thought time would do you some favor but it turns out to be false.

“Hey,”

He snaps you out of your thoughts, your eyes blinking a few times as you find his dark glowing orbs.

“How are you doing?”

Something about his voice and the question itself is gentle. You're taken back for a moment.

“You mean besides pregnant and all emotional? Good.” you joke but Yoongi doesn't laugh nor chuckles how you expect him to.

Instead, he keeps staring at you until your smile slowly fades away.

“Is Yeonseok treating you right?”

“What kind of question is that?” you breathe out a chuckle, not hiding surprise.

“You seemed to be acting weird all evening. I don't remember you being this way.” he points out, voice hushed as if he told you a secret that nobody can hear which you don't understand, because you're alone outside.

Yeah, you're acting weird. For numerous reasons but he's the main one. Every single reason includes him but you can't tell him that. The baby you're carrying is biologically his. You made it through countless times of having sex, memories you can't seem to shake off. You no longer crave your husband's touch. You feel guilty every time he only touches you, and you don't mean anything intimate behind it. Whenever he would take your hand into his, you no longer feel the excitement and spark you once used to feel.

It's guilt and a need to pull away instead.

And you hate yourself for it. You're so mad at yourself that you want to scream into your pillow every night. But you put this imaginary mask on and you fall asleep with a smile on your face, letting your husband caress your still non-visible bump.

“I didn't expect you to come tonight. That's all.” you admit, not really lying but not telling him the raw truth either.

“What? You don't like seeing me?” he jokes this time, one corner of his lips lifting up and you swallow the urge to salivate at how good he looks doing bare minimum.

To be honest, you're not sure if you like to see him here. He just made your mind even a bigger mess than it already was without even knowing. He's completely clueless, going on with his life while you can't seem to forget about you two and what you've done.

“That's not it.” you laugh. It sounds a little forced though Yoongi doesn't react, maybe completely clueless about that too. “I'm glad you came.”

Okay, you weren't planning to say exactly that.

But it was worth it when you see the slightest glimpse of Yoongi's fond smile before he chuckles again.

“I'm sure your parents are glad too.”

You try to save it, though it makes Yoongi laugh even more.

“Yeah, not sure about that. Mom always sends me an invite over a text but I think she secretly hopes I never show up.”

You frown at the thought. The memory of her brushing off Yoongi's gift like it's nothing sudden comes to the surface. But you hope Yoongi is not right about this.

“I'm sure that's not true. Why would she hope about that?”

“I always bring some kind of drama.”

“You? The person who barely reacts?” you joke, laughing as Yoongi joins you though his life is nowhere near bubbly or equal as yours.

“They don't realize they're the drama.”

“Yeah, it's always like that…” you silently agree as the topic falls down a little and you end up staring at each other.

Heartbeat racing, you don't budge as you stare deeply into his eyes as he watches you with intense stare as well, which only adds to the sudden weird atmosphere and tension.

You open your mouth but you're interrupted by a door opening, soon spotting your husband as he looks around before his eyes set on you and his brother. He visibly tenses and without hesitance, makes his way to both of you. As soon as he's next to you, you feel his hand on your back as he sends daggers at Yoongi.

“What are you doing here?”

You're not sure who is he asking and you stare in bewilderment at how hostile he sounds. He could at least pretend to be nice. You don't like seeing him like this and you know it has everything to do with Yoongi.

“Are you asking me or…?” you chuckle almost nervously, but Yoongi doesn't budge.

He frowns at his brother as he scoffs, “Can't talk to my sister-in-law?”

You don't know what makes you want to throw up. Yoongi calling you sister-in-law or the bitter chuckle Yeonseok doesn't hide.

“Stay away from my wife.” Yeonseok spits and inches closer to Yoongi.

Eyes widening, you get between the two and subtly push Yeonseok. You ignore how he stares at you like you just betrayed him. You don't want to cause any scene, you want to avoid it as much as possible. At the moment you don't care who's right or not.

“Should've thought about it sooner.” But Yoongi only digs deeper, getting provoked by Yeonseok and this time you have to put much bigger pressure on Yeonseok's chest to not let him lash at Yoongi.

“Stop it,” you bark, not really sure who it's aimed at. Just one of them or both? “I came to talk to him.”

“And why would you do that?” Yeonseok frowns at you and you frown back, standing your ground as you scoff.

“Maybe because you've been glaring at him ever since he came? You're being impolite, Yeonseok. I just wanted to check on him.”

“That's not any of your business.”

Your mouth left agape, you're speechless but before you can react, Yoongi does it for you.

“Don't talk to her like that.” he warns and Yeonseok glares at him once again, but keeps his mouth shut because once he looks back at you, you see he realizes his mistake. He opens his mouth but you shake your head, silencing him.

“Wow,” he suddenly starts to laugh. You watch your husband turn into something you haven't seen yet, he looks almost insane yet he doesn't do anything big. He laughs sarcastically and bitterly, rubbing his forehead as he looks at you and Yoongi. “Look at that.”

“Yeonseok, stop it.” you snap, “Don't say something you'll regret later.”

His ironic smile fades, eyes boring into Yoongi who's standing behind you before he looks away with a clenched jaw.

Yoongi brushes past you and your husband, his intoxicating scent filling your nose for a quick moment as he makes his way inside. But he doesn't fully step in as he looks across his shoulder, eyes and words aimed at his brother. “Get your shit together.”

Yeonseok looks like he could punch a wall at the moment, but you don't entertain that idea, following Yoongi inside without looking back. He joins you, thinking twice about doing something stupid.

But by the time you're inside and joining your in-laws, Yoongi is already gone, leaving the rest of the family in a bitter mood because of his sudden departure. Only Yeonseok seems to be pissed off for a different reason. One, only the three of you know about.

Arriving back home helps to bring you some calmness to your sour mood. Yeonseok hasn't uttered a single word on your way back and so haven't you. What's the point? He seems to be upset and partly, you're the reason for it.

If you haven't decided to go to see Yoongi, all of this could've been avoided. Sure, in the end Yeonseok still couldn't help but glare at his brother at any given chance, but at least there would be no verbal confrontation. You know you just added fuel to the fire which wasn't completely helpful at all. But you couldn't help yourself.

You had to talk to Yoongi, as much as a part of you thought it was a dumb idea. You're confused and yet again, your thoughts are running wild that you don't pay any attention to your husband. Taking a longer shower, you replay your conversation until your headache approaches and even then, you see Yoongi's face in front of you. He occupies every corner of your mind and you breathe heavily to calm down your heartbeat.

This constant stress and hundreds of negative emotions you're feeling are not good for the baby. You wish you could just focus on yourself and the baby.

It's later on when you're scrolling through your social media, completely ignoring your husband as he's in and out of the shower, soon joining you in your bedroom. He stares at the ceiling, frowning at the plain color until he breaks the silence.

“Why would you go talk to him?”

It's the same question all over again, one you could answer easily but it would bring even more guilt and pain. Not just to you but to Yeonseok as well. You realize whatever you're dealing with alone, could potentially break everything you've been building with him. Sure, being honest seems like the best and healthiest option but you're a coward. You purposely try to push the real reason, not saying it out loud because you know the consequences it would have. You ignore it with every fiber of your body, well at least you try to do so.

Glancing at him, the pained expression on his face pains you even more. Yeonseok has expectations of you, some you understand and some you don't. But most importantly, you know you would act the same way if the roles were reversed. You know whatever Yeonseok feels, whether it's jealousy or betrayal, you would feel just the same.

It's already hard as it is – for both of you. You can't imagine being on Yeonseok's place. Your husband should never feel threatened by another man. And deep down you know that's how Yeonseok probably feels.

Sighing, you lock your phone and put it on your nightstand. “I told you. I just wanted to make sure he's fine. Everyone didn't seem happy to have him there.”

“What are you talking about?” Yeonseok frowns.

“Seok, come on…” you chuckle, “Your mother barely acknowledged him, so did your father. She ignored his gift, and didn't even bother to take a glance. I felt bad for him.”

You siding with Yoongi and partly having his back will only evoke another percentage of anger in Yeonseok. He's sensitive when it comes to his brother. You're growing quite sick of it. Maybe because you come from a broken family too. And it's not fair to Yoongi at all. Hearing his part of the story, you could relate to it even if your positions in your families are different.

Sure, he's not perfect either and often lets the temper get the best of him, but he's not at fault here. He's not as loved as Yeonseok is and the single thought makes your eyes water. You don't want your baby to feel they're unloved by one of the parents. You want them to be loved and have a great loving family. Somewhere they feel safe and loved.

“Since when do you care about this so much?”

The suspicion is evident in his voice and it makes your stomach clench uncomfortably.

“Just because I've been quiet this whole time, doesn't mean I don't see certain things Yeonseok.” you point out, realizing this is the first time you're having this kind of conversation.

You would often voice your confusion of how your in-laws speak about their younger son, but it would be often brushed off and Yeonseok would go on and off about how Yoongi doesn't deserve them, is an asshole and all the same old story. So naturally, you just let go of that topic because it wasn't worth any potential disagreements. After all, you barely knew Yoongi and everything you heard about him was from his parents and your husband.

You don't want to make it seem like because you had sex, now you suddenly know everything about him and you realize how your confession about tonight's dinner might sound like. You understand Yeonseok's suspicion and confusion, so do you the hidden annoyance laced in both his expression and voice.

But now you've seen a bigger picture, especially after talking to Yoongi. He sounded and looked vulnerable in his own style. You remember every minute of that conversation you held with him at his place.

At that time it didn't feel like he was your brother-in-law. At least you never really thought of him that way, hence the lack of his presence in your life. But back then, during the conversation, you never acknowledged it. He felt like… your friend.

You felt close to him.

Yeonseok looks speechless, betrayal showing on his face again but he can't expect you to agree with everything he says or does just because you're in a marriage.

“Is that all it is?”

Accusation clear in his tone, your mouth falls open as you stare at him wide-eyed, not believing your ears. “What are you initiating, Yeonseok?”

“I don't know, you tell me. You never bothered to discuss my brother before, at least not to this extent. I find it weird.” No, he finds it suspicious.

“Do you think I never noticed how you guys mistreat him?”

You wish you would keep your mouth shut as soon as you say it. Though it's true, the expression on your husband's face pains you. The last thing you want to do is fight. And any conversation about his brother means fighting. There's no other way. But he can't expect you to play a nice wife who constantly keeps her mouth shut. You're not like that at all. You've never been and he knows that. He knew about your every part when marrying you, even told you that's what made him fall in love with you.

But the topic named Yoongi would be often brushed off even if you might've said something that could potentially annoy or upset your husband. But he never lashed at you because of it, nor did he show so many negative emotions.

There is also a realization and you know why he's reacting like this. If you never had to intimately get closer to Yoongi, this wouldn't be happening. Yeonseok is sensitive and you get that.

“You can't be serious, Y/N.”

At the usage of your name, you feel like he's scolding you and his tone implicates that much. Frowning, you keep your mouth shut despite wanting to say something but you can't find the right words.

“Is this because you slept with him?”

“Oh my god!” you exclaim, sitting up straight before the anger causes you to get off the bed as Yeonseok stares at you with a lifted brow which angers you even more. “I can't believe you're bringing this up again.”

“You never cared for him, Y/N. Why would you go and seek his attention? You're pregnant and we're having a baby. You should focus on us.”

It feels like everything he's saying is wrong. And you get this urge to cry. Out of desperation and anger. But you swallow it down, staring in disbelief at your husband.

“I went to check on him, Yeonseok. You might not care about whatever relationship you have with him, but I don't like weirdness between me and other people. I felt bad so I went to talk to him. He literally congratulated us. It's not like we were doing something secretive behind your back.”

“Look at it from my point of view,” he starts, shaking his head. “My brother got you pregnant, you spent nights with him. Of course I'm going to get upset when you sneak out to see him.”

“For fuck sake, I didn't sneak out! I'm not some teenager that has to sneak out. I'm also an adult who's free and completely capable of making decisions on her own.” you frustratedly tell him.

“That's not what I meant.”

“No? Then what did you mean?”

There's a beat of silence spent with two of you staring at each other, the argument sitting heavily in the air as your bedroom starts to feel suffocating.

“Look, I understand your point of view. I should've told you I'm about to talk to him,”

You both know he would do anything to stop you.

And at the same time, you didn't think of it as a big deal. You thought you could somehow talk to Yoongi without any drama.

“It's not like I'm seeing him anymore. I just wanted to end everything on a good note.”

“You will be seeing him. He's your brother-in-law.”

You roll your eyes. “You know what I meant.”

Yoongi is not someone who hangs around his family too much. Something tells you you won't be seeing him anytime soon. Yeonseok knows that too.

“Let's not fight, okay?” he sighs, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “We both have different opinions about this but consider this argument done.”

“Is it really done? Because it doesn't feel like it.”

Yeonseok's expression saddens. “Yes. I'm sorry if I said something that hurt you. I didn't mean to initiate or suspect something.”

You're not sure if you truly believe his words.

But you're also exhausted by this fight.

“Now come lay in the bed, please. The stress is not good for you and the baby.”

Sighing and shifting on your spot, you join him in the bed. Though you stay on your side, slowly turning off the light as he does the same.

Yeonseok's jealousy could be justified. At the end, you did have sex with Yoongi and even if that was the agreement, it does make things harder. Even after it's over.

However, something tells you this is far from over. It's the beginning of something you can't name yet.

The first argument starts expectedly, at least that's how you would define it. Surprisingly, it hasn't happened right after the latest fiasco at Min's house. Yeonseok has been trying to be a good husband, happily ignoring the argument that involved his brother. Mostly busy with running the family's company, he tried to take you out whenever he could or just tried to spend more time with you. He hasn't missed any appointments you had, always beaming at the baby's scan with a widest smile.

But it was just a matter of time before things would go downhill and you know what exactly it would be.

Your husband has been needy, in ways you absolutely understand. Realizing his touch doesn't feel like it used to, you wouldn't let things get far other than simple caressing. Sex is natural in marriage and you had lot of it, even before you decided to start a family only to find out heartbreaking news.

Every time you would end any implication of lust or sex, he didn't comment on it but you could feel his stare and imagine the process of his thoughts. You would be frustrated too.

Actually you are. Mainly with yourself.

You can't give him what he craves for and the list of excuses gets thinner and thinner. It has gotten so thin that it raises even more suspicion and frustration on your husband's part. Do you blame him? Hell no. You're not sure you would be able to go months without intimacy, especially if your husband would give you a cold shoulder. Naturally, you would think there is a problem.

Now is there?

Yes. A big one.

How can you explain to your husband that you don't crave his touch? Just the thought of it makes you shudder in so much discomfort that it makes you sad. Fuck. You even thought about satisfying him with a single handjob or blowjob but you couldn't bring yourself to do it. It sounds twisted.

And sex is much more than just the idea to satisfying your needs. It has always been in your relationship. That's what differs between your marriage and the simple act of sex you had with Yoongi.

“This is getting ridiculous.”

It is. You agree with him.

Once again, you can't blame him for acting like this. He tried to be nice, asked if you're okay, if there's something wrong. But your answer would always be the same.

“I'm okay. I'm just not in the mood, must be the hormones. I'm sorry.”

Fuck. You know it's more than just some hormones. You barely know you're pregnant. Your pregnancy symptoms aren't showing anymore and anything extraordinary doesn't have to automatically scream “pregnancy” too.

But you often caress your small bump that's mostly visible in the evenings. Or maybe you're just bloated from all the snacks you eat before bedtime. Bonding with your unborn baby has been your current key to happiness. As much as you feel miserable and often lonely, despite having a loving husband next to you every night, whenever you would look down at your belly and think about what they will look like, who they would become, you suddenly don't feel alone at all.

No matter what happens, you have the baby. Your baby.

“Yeon–”

“No, I don't want to hear it. No more excuses, Y/N. I have been patient and you know that. I'm not someone who would ever force you to have sex, but you barely let me touch you and it's been months!”

You just finished eating dinner, one you prepared for him after he came back home from work. But now you feel like vomiting any second. No pregnancy symptoms though. Just your guilt and the fact that you know. You know that what he's saying is right.

Tears well up in your eyes. Nothing could make this right. There's nothing you could do to prevent this long awaited topic.

Yeonseok scans your face, noticing the sadness and vulnerability and his hands itching to get closer to you, to hold you tight and tell you everything's going to be fine. To tell you not to cry because it breaks his heart to see you crying. However, he knows this needs to be discussed and he can't continue to live in this marriage with zero answers. Or answers that sound nothing but lies.

“I'm sorry.”

Voice cracking, you stare at your husband in guilt and shame which makes it hard for him to look at you. He hates seeing you like this.

“No, Y/N.” he shakes his head, “Don't apologize but give me a proper answer. A reason. Is it your pregnancy? Do you not feel like having sex because of it? Or is there more to it? Maybe we should go to a couple's therapy or ask your doctor if it's normal. We can search for answers together.”

He's caring.

He's trying to find a solution meanwhile you mentally shake your head at everything he says. You don't need a doctor when you know exactly what's wrong. You know the exact reason (or more like reasons) why you don't want to have sex with your husband.

“No, it's not that.” you speak, voice weak and tired.

You're standing in the middle of your dining room, a kitchen island separating you from your husband as you're happy for this obstacle and distance at the moment.

“Then what is it?” he exclaims, trashing his arms in the air before they slap against his sides frustratedly. “Communication has never been a problem between us, Y/N. But now… I feel like I don't know you. You're different.”

He's being open, yet you feel your heart cracking as his words sound like an insult. Though that's crazy because he's nowhere near insulting you.

And when he goes on and on about not understanding you, saying the same words over and over again, something cracks in you with every word he says until you snap.

“Because I feel guilty!”

Admitting it out loud brings a beat of silence, Yeonseok's mouth shutting as he looks genuinely speechless.

“How can I have sex with my husband when I had sex with your brother?” Your voice cracks again, something changing in his expression before he frowns.

“I thought we were way past this.”

“Well, we aren't.” you bite back.

“So what? For the rest of our marriage and lives we won't have sex? Y/N, you knew what you were getting into. We agreed to it. You agreed to it! I was the last one who agreed to it, you told me you're okay, you said–”

“I know!” you yell, your hands slightly shaking as you grip the kitchen's counter for support. “I know.” you say more gently.

“I don't see any solution here, Y/N.”

He hasn't used your name so many times before. It only shows how angry and frustrated he is. Preferably frustrated at you.

“I didn't know I would feel this way, Yeonseok. How should I have known?” you raise your voice, voicing out your own frustration while his features don't soften. They turn even more stern.

“What exactly is your plan, then? Huh? We are married, Y/N. You can't expect me–”

“To wait?” you cut him off, “Is sex what you want? Let's go to the bedroom then. I will let you fuck me. Come on.”

You're frustrated, angry at yourself and you know this is not something you truly want. In the end, you know you wouldn't be able force yourself to have sex with him right now. Or anytime soon. You just can't. There is too much going on for you to do that. You wouldn't force yourself anyway.

As you make your way to him, in the midst of your sentence, Yeonseok shakes his head and holds his hands up. “Stop. You know I don't want that.”

“What do you want?” you ask, standing close to him as you stare into his tired face.

This is ruining both of you.

“I want us to be how we were.”

That single sentence makes you almost choke up, sobs wanting to get out of your mouth but you harshly bite the inside of your cheek.

“I don't know if that's possible. Not after everything.”

He opens his mouth but no words come out.

“I will sleep in the guest's room tonight. I think we both need to cool down to properly talk about this.”

You're escaping the confrontation again, you know that but you're physically and mentally exhausted. Thinking of the baby and yourself, you need to rest and take your mind off this. If that's possible.

“No.”

Yeonseok stops you with his voice booming in the room.

“I will take the guest room. You stay in the bedroom, the bed's bigger there.”

The bed in the guest room is large enough for two people, not mentioning it is for you alone. Both of you know that. Yet he still chose to let you sleep in your bedroom. It makes you even more sad now.

And he leaves, brushes past you as you two remain the most distant you've ever been. Your marriage and relationship is slowly but surely crumbling down.

It's safe to say you haven't slept well. As soon as the main exhaustion wore off, you were awake, tossing in the big and cold bed. Yeonseok kept his word and stayed in the guest room, which made you wonder if he's got trouble sleeping as well.

With having the whole night to think, even though it wasn't the right time to be thinking, you couldn't help yourself but consider every option you have. You couldn't help yourself but to think – if you never decided to go with the decision, you wouldn't be here and your marriage would go well. Maybe you and Yeonseok having kids wasn't planned for you. Maybe you should've lived the rest of your lives with no kids. Maybe after a while, Yeonseok would consider adoption.

But all of those are what if scenarios. No one knows if your marriage wouldn't suffer because of it later on.

You had those kinds of thoughts the whole night and by the time you woke up, it was almost lunchtime. Yeonseok was not at home, something you discovered after finally getting out of the room and walking around the apartment for a good half an hour. No sounds of anyone else being here were heard, so you went to check the guest room just to find it empty.

It's Saturday and Yeonseok has no work.

He wanted to take you out today, if you remember correctly. Not that you mind. After what happened yesterday, going somewhere out and acting like everything is fine is the least of the things you want to do.

When one of your friends calls you, you have to hold your tears back when she not only asks about you, but Yeonseok as well.

“Are you guys doing well?”

The single question makes you choke up on your sobs, she quickly understands there is something going on. So you tell her you don't want to talk about it right now. Luckily she understands and tries to take your mind off it. After an hour of talking and trying to laugh with her, the call ends and you're left alone all over again.

You've no idea what crosses your mind when you're trying to binge-watch the newest reality show, but you find yourself reading your old messages with Yoongi. Most of them are just dates and time, but hold a significant memory.

Even though you haven't slept well, you came up with the only solution you could find. With Yeonseok not being present, you weighed your decision and options. It's not going to be easy but you have this feeling you need to at least try.

He comes back around dinner time. Well, a little after that.

You expect him to come back wasted, or merrily drunk because you've never gone through this kind of situation and never had an argument this heavy. He's not the type to get drunk though, yet you expect him to do things most men would do.

However, he's completely sober when he joins you in the living room, barely giving you a glance before his eyes stop at you for a split second. You decide to speak first, judging by his stance he had no intention to speak at all.

“Can we talk?”

He bites back any bitter remark, simply staring at you before he offers a simple yet distant; “Okay.”

He doesn't sit nor join you on the couch, lingering at the end of it as he waits for you to speak. Mustering the right courage and ignoring your fastly beating heart, you lick your dry lips as you let out those painful words.

“We should take a break.”

Silence.

And then.

“What?” he breathes out.

“We should take a break.” you repeat.

He stares and then he sits on the edge of the couch, holding the arm rest for dear life as he looks shocked. And scared?

“What exactly do you mean by that? We are married, Y/N.”

“I know that,” you tell him slowly, looking at him a little sternly. Of course you know you're married. Does he think you're stupid? “And… we need a break. From everything. From each other. We both need to think.”

“Think?” He sounds shocked. “But you do plan to get back together, right?”

“I… don't know.” you tell him honestly. A break means many things.

But you both need to figure out where you stand and what you want to do with your marriage. You had a lot to think about. You're pregnant now. And to be a single mom sounds scary. But you can't be in a marriage that's not bringing you any joy. There are many issues you both have and you can't bring a baby into it. No matter how scary the thought of being a single mom is. For all you know, Yeonseok could easily kick you in the ass and say the kid is not his. You would end up divorced with a baby and no father near.

You're still not sure if this is the right decision, but you have to try.

“But we're expecting a baby. You really want to do this now?”

“And when? When not now?” you question him, frowning. “Don't think this is easy for me either. I'm the one who's pregnant Yeonseok. You could easily divorce me and leave me alone with the baby.”

“Why would I do that?”

Because you're not a biological father.

You can't say it. It's not fair to him. He is the father. You discussed it. Who cares about the biological side? But there's nothing stopping him from dropping his title of father. The baby is not born yet, no birth certificate has been done yet and won't be until the baby is here.

All you've got in him is trust that he wouldn't do it. Never in a million years you would've thought you would be in this position. Both of you.

“I don't know. I guess we need to figure that out. I just know I need some time alone.”

“Time alone for what?”

“To think,” you respond with a frown. “This is not easy for me either. But I can't be in a marriage where things don't work, Yeonseok. I know it's not your fault,”

It is not. He tried to be the best husband he could be.

“It's all on me. And for your sake, and mine, I need to do this.”

“Okay,” he says after a while. “So what now? Are we going to pretend we are roommates? I don't think I'm fully grasping your vision.”

“I'm gonna move out.”

Yeonseok starts choking on his spit as soon as you say it. “M-move out? Woah, that makes it even more serious and official. Where would you go?”

“I'm still working, partly but I am. I've got some saved-up money.”

“That's not right, Y/N. This apartment is ours. Your name is on it too.”

“I know, but I need to gather my thoughts and be alone.”

“Okay, then I'm moving out.”

“Seok, no.”

He frowns. “No. We have one small apartment in the city. I can stay there.”

You don't want him to be the one that moves out. You're the one who came up with the idea. It doesn't sound fair. Makes you feel like a bigger asshole.

“What does this mean? We're broken up? Are we together? Are we divorcing?”

You don't know.

“Let's just say we're broken up for now. We both need some time off. Some time to think.”

He stays silent before letting out a bitter chuckle. “I can't believe this.”

“Seok–”

“No. I gave you everything and you're leaving me.”

“We talked about this. I told you I need–”

“And what about what I need?!” he exclaims, standing up as you flinch. “I went to such lengths to keep this marriage perfect. I gave you everything I possibly could. I gave you house, luxury–”

“I never asked for any of that!” You stand up too, frowning at him. “And you know that. I never needed your luxury, Yeonseok. That's not why I married you or fell in love with you.”

“I know, yet I still decided to spoil you. Fuck, I even let my brother to fuck you!”

You're confused. He sounded broken and sad just a moment ago, almost as if he's trying to understand your decision but now, he's just angry and yelling at you.

“Please, don't bring that up.”

“Why not?” he snaps. “Isn't that right? You wanted him to fuck you. You agreed to it so we could start a family and now you're leaving me. Let's be honest Y/N,”

He sounds so distant. Like a stranger. Even his eyes darken and your heart squeezes painfully. So does your stomach.

“No one would take care of you like I do. We get divorced and then what? Co-parent? Or you're going to leave me and be a single mother? Nobody would ever want a single mother.”

Tears fall down your cheeks but he continues, staring at you without flinching as he spits out venom that slowly digs into every fiber of your body.

He just told you minutes ago that he wouldn't leave you alone with a baby. He made it clear he still wants to be a father no matter what. But considering everything he's spitting out, it's like he's trying to intimidate you.

Everything is a shock right now.

You stand there, crying and listening to him and his scenarios that are supposed to scare you. To show you what a good life you have with him. And for a second, you don't recognize him. You can't believe you married this man. But isn't this your fault? You've brought this inside him.

“Stop.” you whisper. “Just stop!” you scream.

He breathes heavily, glaring at you like you're the biggest enemy. You feel out of place. Like you don't belong here.

“Leave or I will.”

“You have nowhere to go.” he scoffs.

Your eyebrows shoot up before you turn around. No things with you, just your bag where you quickly toss your phone and wallet as you slip your shoes. Yeonseok is hot on your heels, doing nothing to stop you as you simply watch.

You take your things with you and slam the door shut. The door doesn't open but you don't linger around to wait for anything. Wiping the tears with the back of your hand, you rush to the car and bite back any tears that want to spill out. You need to get out of this place, drive safely so you don't harm yourself and the baby. And then you can cry all you want.

It was stupid of you to leave without any of your stuff. But it was the least of your worries and in the heat of the moment, you just had to get out of that place. Being there next to Yeonseok was suffocating. And the thought of it still is.

You park in front of a familiar building, its state not looking any better than you can remember. Who would've thought you would be back? Certainly not you.

But after sitting in your car that you parked in an empty parking lot in front of an already closed grocery store, Yeonseok words echoed in your mind.

You have nowhere to go.

It's not that true actually.

You could easily call one of your friends. But that would mean explaining them things and you want to avoid that right now. Plus, they would be the first thing on Yeonseok's mind if he were looking for you.

Will he? You're not sure.

You never had an argument like this and it's hard to say what he's going to do. But as of now, you want to be as far away from him as possible.

You thought not taking anything with you besides your wallet, phone and bag was stupid, but it's certainly not as stupid as you coming here. Why here out of all people? Why him?

He probably doesn't want anything to do with you, wants to distance from the drama as much as possible. Can you blame him? No. A part of you feels guilty for coming here. And nervous too. Is he even here?

Silently hoping he is, you make your way to the tattoo shop where its walls hold dozens of memories shared between you and him. But none of that is important right now. Before you can change your mind, you deliver a few soft knocks on the door.

There is no sound, no buzzing or chatter that could tell you there are people inside but the door looks like they can hold a sound or two. Much to your luck, the door opens shortly after and an unfamiliar face pops out of the door frame.

“Hello?”

He looks surprised to see you here, or maybe it's the weird expression you're holding that is somewhere looking like it's the end of the world between a massive need to cry your eyes out. However, you haven't cried yet so your eyes aren't watery nor red. You haven't seen yourself and you only hope you don't look as half bad as you feel.

But he still sends a bright smile your way. He does look kind of cute, definitely younger than you or Yoongi. Or maybe it's the blond hair and clear skin that make him look so youthful.

“How can I help you?” He offers a second after, relaxing a little as you catch a glimpse of the space behind him. You're surprised to see the place almost empty and an unsettling feeling grips your stomach.

“Hi,” you breathe out, “Is Yoongi here?”

“Ah, Yoongi is no longer working here. He moved out of this place, I'm renting it now.” he explains and you dryly gulp at the new information.

“Oh.”

The guy checks your face, tilting his head to the side for a moment as he studies your appearance.

“Um, but he gave me the address of his new tattoo shop. He might be there, if you wanna check?” he questions and your head snaps in his direction.

“Yeah, that would be awesome. Thanks.” you offer him a slight smile as he lifts his point finger in the air before he disappears inside.

He comes back not even a minute after, a yellow square paper in his hands as he gives you Yoongi's new address of his workplace.

“Umm, I should've asked sooner but you're not like, I don't know how to say this…”

You raise your brow at him.

“You're not… some psycho or something, right? He would kill me if he knew I just gave his address to someone.”

Chuckling, you open your mouth. “Chill. We are family.” you explain, not wanting him to worry. Technically you didn't lie, so there's nothing wrong with your response even though it does feel weird to say it.

It's Yeonseok connecting you two. Well, realistically there's also the baby but that doesn't exactly make you family.

The guy visibly breathes out a relieved sigh and luckily doesn't question you any further as you thank him for the last time, bidding a quick goodbye.

When you arrive at the scribbled address your navigation so kindly navigated you to, you park your car nearby on the opposite side of the road. You have to admit. This neighborhood and the building itself looks amazing, way more safer and in a better state. It's a complex of one big building with multiple shops. From a hair salon, some fast foods to a tattoo shop – which you hope that's where Yoongi is.

There's cool graffiti art on the wall of the mentioned tattoo shop, the name yet to be announced. You admire the art while you walk before you push the door inside. Like you expected, the place is spacious and there's an entryway. There's no chair or machines you walk right into, there's an actual reception and a bunch of boxes surrounding the place.

And you feel like an idiot for coming inside like some intruder, especially when there are people inside, chatting and laughing at the black reception table. Of course, they notice you right away and their heads are turned your direction in a split second.

You don't recognize any of them, at least not at first glance but that's before you recognize the woman from Yoongi's old shop. Yoongi's friend. Her hair is black and short now, a couple of new tattoos adoring her exposed thighs.

Her being here means Yoongi is around too. Or at least she could lead you to him.

But this hunt for Yoongi is starting to make you feel ridiculous. If he's not here, you will just have to figure out something on your own. Maybe you should sleep at a hotel or something, and not bother anyone else.

“Hi, sorry for barging in.” You even sound like an idiot.

However, the group looks curious about your presence, some of them shoot you a bright grin which eases down your nerves a little.

“Hey. You're Yoongi's sister-in-law, right?” The woman speaks up, her eyes scrunched for a second before they go back to their normal shape as she recognizes you.

“Yeah. Is he here?” you ask, shifting on your spot as you ignore the man eyeing you up and down with a little smirk.

He's got a few tattoos himself, the one on his neck catching your attention the most. However you don't let your eyes linger for too long.

“Yoongi, you've got a visitor!” She yells, tilting her head to the back where there's something that looks like a hall but it's too dark there to tell any more details. Even from where you're standing, they're mostly in your eyesight.

None of them make any sound, simply watching you and giving Yoongi's friend curious looks. Feeling a little bit awkward, you take the time to look around instead. There's nothing much to see. Boxes and unpacked stuff everywhere as everything smells of…. Novelty.

Following footsteps catch everyone's attention, including yours as he comes out of the dark hall, fully exposing himself to the bright lights of his new tattoo studio and a set of curious eyes. Eyes peeling off the floor to look at his friends, a look of annoyance and confusion crosses on his smooth face. Something about finally seeing him and being in the same room as him once again, makes your heart pick up the pace. You ascribe it to your nervosity and sudden regret of coming here.

“What?” he grumbles, silver hair slightly messy as his skin glows – or maybe it's sweat because he does seem to look a little tired. Judging by looking around, it seems like he's been working to get this place together.

His friend raises her brow and points your direction, all attention back to you while your eyes stay solely on Yoongi. You see it from the very beginning. From him frowning in confusion, staring at his friends before he follows the direction her finger is pointing at – you – until his eyes fall on your figure standing a few meters away from everyone.

His frown deepens before a look of surprise makes it onto his face while his mouth opens – very slightly – agape.

It's awkward. All of his friends – or whoever they are – are completely quiet, just watching you two like you're the most interesting part of the day.

“Hi,” you speak up, hugging your arms which totally reveals your uncertainty of coming here. Your usual collected and confident self is gone now, much to Yoongi's surprise. “Can we talk?”

“I don't know about our Yoongi, but you can talk to me anytime you want.” One of the guys says with a grin, his words causing you to send him an unappreciative glare. He obviously thinks it's a joke but you hate guys like that.

“Cut it out, Jimin,” Yoongi scolds him, sending him a second long glare before his eyes are back on you. “Come here. We can talk in the back.” Yoongi tells you and you get moving, not wanting his friends to stare at you any longer.

Do they know? Did Yoongi tell them? Is that why they stare at you as if you were an alien?

As soon as you get close to Yoongi, he motions to the back with his arm as the woody familiar scent of him surrounds the space around him. Yoongi sends a last glare to his friend or all of them – you don't know – before he leads you to the mentioned back. The hall is dark but not as dark as it appeared from where you were standing.

The back door is open and bright, revealing all the equipment a tattoo artist needs. There are empty boxes, some of them still unopened, lingering on the floor as he closes the door behind you. You look around, sensing the familiarity as Yoongi has stuck to his previous color and managed to have this place dark. But it doesn't look like some dungeon or creepy dark tattoo studio. Instead, it looks even more modern and chic – and you know it's going to look even better once it's all done. There is a long and wide mirror to be installed, leaning against the wall with a sheer bag on it protecting the glass.

But that's not why you came here. Therefore you don't look around for too long, turning around to Yoongi as soon as he closes the door and motions for you to sit down on a brand new couch. It's similar to the one he owned in his old studio. The only difference is that it's not black but light cream – however the leather looks comfortable and expensive.

Sitting down on the comfortable piece of furniture, Yoongi sits down on one of the chairs, sprawling his legs rather tiredly as he stretches his neck with a mild frown. “What are you doing here?”

He doesn't sound hostile but confused.

“I'm sorry. I didn't know where to go. I went to your old place but some guy told me you're no longer there, so he gave me this address. I hope that's okay.” you explain quickly, rubbing your knees as your palms get sweaty with each second.

“That's fine,” he assures you casually. “Did something happen?”

Staring at his brown eyes, you're only more confirmed what a stupid idea it was to come here. What's he got to do with your personal problems? He looks fucking confused, as he should. Probably wondering why you always keep coming back to him for some reason.

Yoongi might not know all of you, but he's not stupid or not observant enough to not notice when you're acting weird. When it's clear there's something wrong.

“Me and… your brother had an argument,” you start, staring at your knees. “I suggested we should take a break and well, he didn't exactly take it well.”

Yoongi leans forward, slowly and patiently as his frown deepens. “You broke up with him?”

“We are married. I don't think we can break up.” you try to joke, chuckling shakily as Yoongi's expression doesn't move which makes your grin drop.

“You know what I mean. Did he do something to you?” Yoongi asks, an awaited question finally spoken as his eyes quickly scans you from head to tone. He sounds unsure, not thinking his brother would be able to hurt anyone physically, especially his wife. But he still makes sure, it's a natural response.

“Apart from getting angry and telling me not so nice things, no. He wouldn't touch me like that.” you say, wincing at the thought of it.

Yoongi slowly nods, eyes never escaping you. “I don't understand… What happened then? Why would you want to take a break?”

“Because I can't be with him.” Your response is quick, mouth shutting right away as Yoongi's brows lift up.

Great…

“At least not right now. I just need some time to think. Our marriage and relationship is not what it used to be and it got me confused. I can't keep doing this to him and he expects things from me, which I understand but I also need to put myself first too, I can't suffer and everything got so fucking messy–”

“Hey, hey,” He butts in, leaning his head toward you as he makes sure you look at him. Once you do, he continues. “Breathe. Okay?”

Wow, easy to be said.

He wants to ask why you came to him? What's he got to do with your and his brother's issues? The questions sit on the tip of his tongue and he's ready to ask them, still straightforward as he is but then a silent sob leaves your mouth and he freezes, watching you shake your head.

“I'm sorry. I didn't know where else to go.” You repeat your previous words and he feels bad.

He's not great with handling other people's emotions, fuck, he's not the best person to comfort someone and most of the time he doesn't know what to say. This time it's not any different but it doesn't mean he's fine watching other people going through stuff. He's not as emotionless as people make him out to be – or as he often portrays himself to be.

“It's okay.”

“It's not,” You sob, finally breaking in tears. “You don't get it, Yoongi. One moment he said he's going to be the baby's father and then the next he almost hints at the possibility of me ending up alone. I don't want to be a single mom. I can't do this. I didn't go through this just for this to happen.”

You cry and Yoongi feels uncomfortable, not sure what to do as he listens to your cries and tries to make out your words.

Deep down, you know if you haven't said anything to Yeonseok and haven't proposed a break, none of this would happen. But your marriage and relationship would suffer in different ways. You're just trying to get this right, to deal with this somehow but it's fucking tough when you're all alone.

“How can he say that? He wanted to have kids too.”

He says kids in general. He avoids talking about the baby that's already growing inside your womb.

“He can't possibly leave you all alone to deal with… everything alone, right?”

You wipe your nose with your sleeve as you let out a bitter chuckle. You look at Yoongi, eyes and cheeks all wet and teary. “The baby hasn't been born yet. There are no documents signed. If he decides not to be the father, he can. DNA tests will prove he's not and I'm–” All alone. Sniffling, you stop yourself from saying.

“If he does that, he's an even bigger asshole than I thought he is.” Yoongi scoffs but you don't pay attention to those words too much, wiping your cheeks. “Do you, uh, want some water or something?”

You chuckle, shaking your head.

“I'm sure he just had a tough time dealing with the whole break thing. He loves you, Y/N. He always wanted to have kids. He is gonna come back.”

Is that what you want though?

“I don't know if that's what I want.”

“What?” Yoongi deadpans.

“I, like I told you, our marriage is not what it used to be.”

You don't want to get to the whole topic of you feeling guilty all over again. You know the last time you talked about it to Yoongi, or more precisely, the last time you decided to end things out of guilt, he didn't really take it well. Something tells you if you told him the whole truth, he wouldn't take it well either. What would you even tell him when you're confused yourself?

“Okay.” he says unsurely.

He leans back against the couch, letting a sigh escape his lips as you two sit in silence. It's awkward. He doesn't want to ask any more questions, thinking if you wanted to tell him you probably would. But one question that has already been asked still lingers in the air and after a moment of silently watching you, he can't help it but ask you again.

“Y/N, really, what are you doing here? I'm not kicking you out or anything but–is there a reason why you came to me?”

One thing is sure, you feel even worse after he says it and once he looks the horrification on your face, he opens his mouth again to justify.

“You got into a fight with my brother, you said you're taking a break. Did you pack some of your things with you? Where are you even going to stay?”

He hopes you didn't come here because of that.

The last thing Yoongi needs is for his brother to be knocking on his door or be involved any more than he already is. Just the fact you came here made him slightly involved and he doesn't like that. He was doing fine. His business is going good and finally, Yoongi is out of debts – thanks to the money Yeonseok gave him in a big exchange. He didn't do it for free though.

After you decided to break things off which ended up being a success for you too in the end, he thought he would never have to deal with this shit again. But here you are, cheeks stained with tears and in a state Yoongi would never imagine for you to be in.

“I had to leave in the middle of our fight. I didn't bring any stuff with me. I wasn't thinking…” You shake your head at your own stupidity while Yoongi gives you a pitiful look.

“Look, let me be straight with you. I wouldn't want to get involved in your personal problems with my brother. I'm glad I don't have to face him again and this thing we did–is way past us.” He tries to explain, mentally cringing how weird he sounds but he's only trying to voice out his thoughts.

You gape at him. A part of you understands him but the other is hurt how he doesn't care. Why would he? What did you expect of him? You know what… you expected him to be here for you, to maybe help you or assure you everything's going to be fine. Like a friend.

But you only realize he never was.

And you only hate yourself for it, because you made yourself to believe that in a way, he cared for you and wasn't so careless as Yeonseok pictured him – along with their parents.

“Don't worry, Yoongi. I'm planning to stay at a hotel.” You sound a little bitter but Yoongi doesn't comment on it.

The thing is, Yeonseok offered to move to another place but since you left in the middle of the argument, one that wouldn't probably end if you didn't leave, but right now you're not so sure. Is he still there? Where can you go grab your things? Are you even staying at your place or you will have to move out? Where will you go? You don't know anything.

It's a lot for your mind and body. You just want to be somewhere safe where you could possibly cry yourself to sleep.

“I just don't know what you want from me, Y/N.” Yoongi reminds you with an edge to his tone. “You can't come here and talk about being a single mom. What do you expect me to do, Y/N?”

You open your mouth, staring at him in disbelief.

“I don't expect you to do anything, Yoongi.” you bite back and he only scoffs.

“You and Yeonseok were willing to do anything to have this baby. You gotta figure it out.”

“I gotta figure it out.” you scoff under your breath.

“Yes, Y/N.”

God, you suddenly hate when he says your name. He sounds so stern and frustrated. He has never spoken to you like this.

“Or what did you expect me to do?”

You hate how accusing he suddenly sounds and it makes you frown as you look at him with a glare.

“I don't know what I expected but this was certainly not it. It was a mistake to come here.”

“I think you know.” He successfully ignores your remark but something tells you he definitely agrees with you. He doesn't want you here. Like he said, he doesn't want to get involved and that's a clue enough for you. But you stay glued to your place, ready for more throws from him.

“What?” you deadpan.

“Oh, come on. How more obvious can you get? Yeonseok starts talking shit about not being the father and you come to me,” he says firmly, suddenly standing up as his hand goes to his silver hair before he lets go. “I don't want kids, Y/N, I told you that. I'm not your kid's father.”

Every word he says is like a knife digging into your heart. Most importantly, you realize what he must be thinking. He questioned your motive for coming here and now he thinks you came here because you expected him to offer you god knows what. Apparently to take Yeonseok's place just in case he decides not to be a father after all.

He got it all wrong.

Your mistake and your own confusion has brought you into the mess. And Yoongi accusing you of something that's not even true hurts as fuck. And you could try to explain it to him but the truth is – his words hurt. They hurt so much that you can't bring yourself to explain anything.

However, his words are harsh regardless of how cold he sounds to be talking about a kid he helped to beget.

You stand up too, glaring at him through your teary eyes as you furiously wipe your cheeks.

“That's not why I came here at all. That's not what I want from you.” you tell him firmly despite your voice shaking.

“Really? Because–”

“You know what, fuck you.” You don't let him finish as you spring out of the room, not caring how harshly you open the door as you make it past his friends.

They stop in the midst of their conversation, not hanging around the reception table this time but unpacking some of the boxes as they stare at you while you storm out of the shop. Fuck Min Yoongi. Fuck all of them.

You've managed to dig yourself even a deeper hole with the Min brothers.

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