#it's still so weird to me that it wasn't even a kdrama that started me on this journey

[sivvan]

@userdramas event 03: beginnings – my first Asian drama

↳ Hana Yori Dango (2005)

[hearts4yawnzzn]

Only His // Lee Rang // Pt2

Lee Rang x Siren!oc

Warnings!: this will be exactly written as the kdramas first season after 3 parts, so there will be mentions of; gore, death, murder, suicide, and torture.

Word count: 930

Her body fell to the floor, gasping and coughing for air as a hand held her reddened neck.

She stared up at the guy who tried to kill her just now, but the look in his eyes was weird. Did he feel sorry?

Miyeong was confused, but more importantly concerned.

Was he going to kill her? He did almost choke her to death... But why did he let go?

The girl scrambled back as her back hit his closet, she couldn't take her eyes off of him, she was terrified he would do something to her if she turned away.

"You—" he scratched his nose and rested his hands on his hips. "How the hell are you alive?"

What the hell is wrong with this guy? Was he being serious?

Miyeong shook her head, she couldn't understand what he meant.

The man knelt to face her, blankly staring at her face. He was getting closer to her, she could see the frame of his face getting bigger.

And once he stopped, his eyes closed slowly. Her breathing was back to normal, but if anyone stared into her eyes they would know that they held fear and pain. But not him.

When he opened his eyes her own eyes widened. It couldn't be possible, does his kind really exist?

He raises his arm, her eyes widened as she tries to move away. He wasn't going to hurt her, but his hand harshly grabbed her arm, keeping her steady.

"If you move I'll slit your throat." his voice was hushed, barely above a whisper. But she heard him, loud and clear.

Something about him pulled her closer, causing her to keep her focus on him.

But his eyes... They weren't normal.

One of his eyes looked completely fine, while the other one looked like a feline's, golden and bright.

Then he did something, causing his eye to glow, "Who are you?" his stern voice was ringing through her ears, and then her eyes started burning.

Miyeong shrieked in pain as she pushed him off of her and covered her eyes with her hands, the pain was unbearable to her, like someone was burning her eyes with a chemical fire.

He was so confused, didn't know how to act.

'What the hell was wrong with her? Did she get possessed by a spirit?'

His eyes widened at the next thought, 'Did Yeon send her here to trick me?'

"It burns! Make it stop! Please!!" He had his doubts, but his brother would never harm a human. He instinctively held her firmly again. "Look at me! If you want the pain to go away then look at me!" his voice was getting louder, but it was the only way for her to focus on him.

The girl whimpered and slowly put her hands down, her eyes were still shut tight as the pain was still present, Miyeong started to shake her head slowly, she was afraid if she opened her eyes the pain would get much worse.

And eventually, she did, slowly opening her eyes and taking deep breaths while her hands trembled to find something to hold on to, and when her shaky hands met a cold, metal object, she gripped it tightly.

Her irises rose slowly to meet his, and once she saw his feline eye, her heart leaped, and her blood pressure was getting dangerously low.

"You are fine. Nothing is hurting. And you don't remember anything before this moment." There was something wrong with her, specifically with her eyes.

They were glowing, just like his. But the color of her eyes was completely different, they were purple.

Once they were shut again, he let go of her, her state was heartbreaking, but he didn't feel any remorse towards her.

At that moment, Miyeong's cries had died down, and the burning pain in her eyes magically faded away.

She wanted to look at him, but the sudden memory of everything that has happened was gone, she forgot the pain she was experiencing, forgot his glowing feline eye.

"Who the fuck are you... And where the hell am I?" she sounded very believable, she even believes her own words.

It's not like she has tried to rob him a few moments ago, or the fact that he almost choked her to death.

The male decided that silent treatment would be best, as the strange woman before him is very confused at the moment.

Miyeong reached her has and wiped under her eyes, as her eyelashes felt damp for some odd reason, was she crying?

Carefully, she stood up and hid her hands behind her back, fiddling her fingers, something felt wrong, and she couldn't put her finger on it.

"I don't remember if I did anything bad, but I'm sorry if I broke something." slowly nodding, the brunette started making her way carefully outside the room and towards the front door.

He sighed, he hasn't looked at her properly before trying to 'calm' her down and erase her memory. He wasn't able to look at her as she made her way through and out of his home.

And had had no idea why.

Rang felt something strange when he was around her like something was pulling him in, her company almost seems familiar.

It's like he has met her before. Even though he recalls no memory of such a thing, if he met her during his years of life and living then he would've known.

Did someone take his memories away? Or was had mistaken for thinking such a thing would happen? He had recalled seeing her dying figure somewhere in his memories, which is why he was puzzled about how she survived, and why he doesn't remember any other thing about her.

But his memory of the past blocks everything else about her, her name, her personality, and her voice.

[mytalemyworld]

Some Thoughts on The Story of Park's Marriage Contract

Due to my limited time, I hadn't had any opportunity to watch TSOPMC when it first aired. This weekend I binge-watched six episodes and oh my, I fell in love with it. I surely didn't expect so much from it, but it keeps getting better and better. The first episode seemed very promising but the second episode was a little messy, then it found its rhythm finally.

Sometimes it feels like you're watching the Enchanted-kdrama version, sometimes it feels like a serious time travel thriller that keeps you on edge. That's why I love kdramas because when it comes to supernatural elements, they never disappoint, even the story seems too absurd to watch.

What I love the most is the usage of the memories from the first life. Since the female lead comes from the past, she can connect the dots and has a clear grasp of everything. Not intentionally, the same things happen in their present life.

But also I am very intrigued by the goals of the side characters.

And I must say, the grandpa is the one making the story more interesting.

We never saw Tae Ha's grandfather from his past life but we all know that his family wanted a noble lady for the eldest son of the family so that they could gain something from his marriage. Then in the present life his grandpa wants him to marry a woman who has a strong family.

People are surprised when they found out the grandpa approved of someone adoptee as his granddaughter-in-law.

The original bride never showed up on the wedding day.

The grandpa seems to know the ran away bride.

He seemed to be surprised when he saw Yeon Woo for the first time. Like, he knew she wasn't the original bride.

The grandpa wants Tae Ha to strive and be strong for him to successfully take over his business empire and fight against the evil step-mom.

But Tae Ha seems to have feelings for Yeon Woo which makes the grandpa uncomfortable.

He .... like teared up?

This doesn't look like a coincidence to me.

So…he is the guy who is behind of everything and may want his grandson to not have any weaknesses. Especially when you know his son's life was ruined because of love.

But also there's some weird connection between him and Yeon Woo. I still think he might be the one who threw her into that well. But I can't be sure if he remembers his past life. It might be just because how the story repeats itself. Like how he wants to get rid of her in both lives. For different reasons.

Some other thoughts:

*I think this flower represents her limited time in this life.

Funny what "el tiempo" means in Spanish.

Her grandpa from her past life said when she got seriously ill, the tree started wilting too. And this tree was planted when she was born. Tae Ha's secretary told him that the tree blossomed when she first showed up. So that branch of flower might be her hourglass.

*It's so cute that she finally gave him what she stitched for him. She couldn't have that opportunity in their past life.

*Last but not least...

Poor guy, he was poisoned in his past life. But it seems nobody is poisoning him in this life, at least not physically. I think his environment is poisonous enough for him to have a heart disease. He should get rid of everyone who makes his life miserable.

[gigglyramblings]

Ranting about the current state of rom-coms in kdrama land

I can't help but feel a little frustrated with what Crash Course in Romance could have been and what we have a weird mishmash of romcom and murder mystery that just doesn't work. I have no proof of this but I feel like the writer went to the studios with the rom-com aspect where a traumatized celebrity math teacher gets a found family in the form of a warm-hearted banchan store owner and her little red tag family but the studios were like this is good but if we were to greenlight it, we would like you to add some murder to it and now hence we have this a show that is still enjoyable at times largely thanks to the great performances of Jeon Do Yeon and Jung Kyung Ho but could have been so much more if they put more emphasis on the found family aspect instead of the murder mystery aspect which is by far the show's weakest link. Like why don't we have more scenes of Jung Kyung Ho's character Choi Chi Yeol bonding with Nam Haeng Sun's daughter Nam Hae Yi? They could have developed such a cute father daughter like relationship! Instead, we have the screen time taken up by a murder mystery that feels like it was written by an elementary schooler.

Also, normally it would be a great thing that a drama is getting high ratings but honestly I wish the ratings for this drama weren't as high because I feel like studios will take the wrong lessons from this frustrating trend of every rom-com having a little murder mystery needing to continue when it's the exact opposite! We need more plain rom-coms kdramaland!

I know we've gotten Love To Hate You recently but that show really wasn't for me and I feel like it wouldn't have been such a fan favorite if we had more recent rom-coms! Love To Hate You in my opinion is one of those shows that needs to learn the concept of show don't just tell. It's so badly wants to be a feminist drama but without actually putting any of the work in order to be one. It will raise good points but never explore them any deeper. It's like Kim Ok-vin's character is from a recent modern feminist romcom but everyone else's character is from a k-drama romcom of the early 2000s. It's only thanks to Yoo Teo's performance and natural charisma that his character is even tolerable. And don't get me started on the second leads even Kim Ji Hoon's glorious mane couldn't stop me from fast forwarding his scenes with the second female lead.

I know Business Proposal really screwed up its ending and thus dampened people's love for it but I rather get another Business Proposal than another Love To Hate You even though undoubtedly Love To Hate You had the better ending.

Kdrama Gods please give us more fun rom-coms without murder! 🙏

[deathlygristly]

Going to the Renaissance Festival tomorrow and my mother and brother are coming Sunday, so busy weekend.

Hope I can still manage to write my little darkness posts over on the Simblr. Probably I can, just at weird times. It's been surprisingly easy to just pick it back up after years of not writing much.

Of course part of that is the familiar rhythm and beats of the narrator's...well...narration. I want to break out of that pattern and do new things, but I also gotta write in the bit of time I have between work and dinner and kdrama time.

The spousal person's kdrama obsession is probably the biggest reason I stopped writing. I only have two and a half hours or so to myself on weekdays since we started watching two kdrama episodes a night. But on the other hand, it's time we spend cuddling together and it's something we experience in common and it gives us a lot to talk about, and I like the shows too.

Plus I've learned some things about him as we've been watching the dramas. He still surprises me after 21 years. Like how he's embraced that we're both probably on the autism spectrum. It's part of why he took the last two episodes of Because This Is My First Life so hard - he said he felt like he was the male lead, who was pretty clearly autistic even though it wasn't explicitly stated.

My point is that I don't really resent participating in his special interest with him, and this month is about finding a way to fit my writing in among the kdramas.

[lyranova]

I read all your rant about Finral and Finesse and everything, and even though I completely understand your points... I have to admit, I never felt that Vanessa and Finral were teased as a ship, but as best friends. I understand why people felt otherwise, but it wasn't my case (even today, I only feel the friendship chemistry, but I DO support those who ship them). Isn't it weird that we felt something else entirely for the bond between Vanessa and Finral?

On the other hand I was immediately totally on board for Finral and Finesse. Don't ask me why, I just find it so cute from the start. But I do agree, that it might should have been introduced a bit better and certainly sooner, maybe.

Sorry if I bother you with that. It just made me think, how different we felt about this topic, but how I can still totally understand your point and Acacias. And I totally support that. Ship Finral and Vanessa all you want, consider Finral and Finesse as friends all you want, be happy about it! I fear it's just not my cup of tea in a romantic way, but that is just my opinion. But as best friends, as Brotp, I'm all on board for it.

(Sorry that I submit, but the ask didn't let me write all of this^^')

———-

Hiya @just-a-little-fan-1793 (I wasn’t sure if the submitted post would tag you or not 😅)! I wonder why the ask box wouldn’t let you type this all out, that’s really odd 🤔, maybe Tumblr is glitching again.

No worries, not everyone views things the same way, if we did, it’d be pretty boring wouldn’t it 😆? At least that’s what my other mutuals and I say when we talk about disagreeing or we have different opinions on things! Like for example; there’s a certain Kdrama that I’ve watched and loved where a lot of people felt the FL and the ML had a bunch of chemistry and wanted the characters to get together, but I on the other hand felt that the ML and the Second FL had a lot more chemistry together (even after I rewatched it I still felt the same) and that the FL and ML were just…friends? Aquantinces? Understanding of each other? I don’t know the right word rn, but apparently the writer felt the same way because in season 2 they heavily implied the Second FL had feelings for the ML 😆!

So it really is fun where people can watch the same show and get totally different vibes from characters, ships, etc! Whether it’s kdrama’s or anime! And I think that’s something I love about fandom, you and someone else could have watched the same scene but got two completely different things from it, which makes it fun and interesting I think!

Anyway back on the topic at hand; I don’t mind Finral x Finesse 🥰, I’ll admit they’re not really one of the ships I think about a lot, but I think they can be very cute together! They really should have introduced Finesse better then they did 😔, or even hinted at her existing like my mutual @loosesodamarble said (Langris could have easily mentioned her when he saw Finral in Kiten, like Erika said, but they didn’t 😭!)

You aren’t bothering me with this! I actually enjoy talking about ships and how peoples ships are different then mine (if that makes sense, I have a killer headache so I’m not sure if I’m making much sense 😆!). I think it’s fun how differently we see the topic, and I 100% support you in shipping Finral x Finesse 🥰! If (or when tbh) they become canon in Black Clover I’ll fully support them and love them as well even though I ship Finral x Vanessa. And I support you in only seeing them as a BROTP, they certainly are best friends at the end of the day, which makes me love those two no matter what 💕!

Thanks for sending this in, I don’t know why tumblr glitched and wouldn’t let you send it in as an ask 😔. But I still enjoyed hearing your thoughts and opinion, even though they’re different from mine 🥰! I want this blog to be a safe place for everyone to voice theirt houghts and opinions whether we agree or not 😁. So thank you for sending this in 💕!

[longinglook]

happy to see you back (sorta) and that you are ok! I'd love to hear your thoughts on shows and what you're looking forward to, but no pressure :) whatever works best for you

HIIIII hello happy to be back (sorta)!! I have about 9 months worth of show to review so I'll give them a grade out of 5 and I'll try to be brief with any comments lol I haven't scrolled through my dashboard on here in ages so I have no clue what everyone thought about them!

Under a read more because it's literally an essay

WATCHED (in some sort of chronological order)

-To my star s2: 3.5/5

I think I need to rewatch it already and binge it because following it weekly was extremely frustrating to me and I feel like I might have been too harsh on my judgement. Everything about Jiwoo's choices and actions seemed extremely irrational to me and it was a struggle to watch. It might make more sense if I watch all of it at once again though. It was still well made, well acted and well produced so at least there's that.

-Roommates of Poongduck 304: 5/5

I am EXTREMELY biased about this show because I've been obsessed with this pairing since Kissable Lips (camp masterpiece, I feel like nobody gets it the way I do) and I was sooooo happy to see them again with different characters. I honestly loved the show, I feel like it was using a lot of common kdrama tropes as opposed to the usual bl tropes and it was so fun to me. The pace felt great, the characters and their motives made sense, the chemistry was so great... That said I need everyone to go vote for Jiwoong on Boys Planet because being an idol has been his dream and his goal for ages and he finally deserves a GOOD chance

-Triage: 4/5

I had started this back when it was airing but I was missing a few episodes and I have to say I am pleased with it. It had some weird pacing issues and that's why I wouldn't give it a full 5/5 but the plot was very interesting and engaging. I would definitely recommend it.

-Love mechanics: 4.5/5

I was very unfortunately a love mechanics (2020) enjoyer and veemark have a hold on me so I had to watch it and it was definitely better than the original one. They fixed some of the plot issues and the longer run time allowed them to give the characters more depth. It did feel slightly repetitive or slow at times but the actors are so good that I didn't even mind.

-Vice versa: 3/5

Very cool concept, I was a bit worried about it at first but I enjoyed the plot. My main issues were with the pacing (it felt way too slow at times) and I wasn't completely sold on the romance/chemistry either. The way the parallel universe rules were explained felt a bit lame, having someone just straight up tell them how it works while I was hoping they'd have to figure things out together. I have to say i LOVED the small details they used to define the other universe like the transparent paper or the different food, it was a fun extra element that highlighted they were strangers there. I honestly don't remember too much else of this show which means it wasn't a standout to me.

-The Eclipse: 4/5

THE ACTINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG I was so obsessed. The plot got a bit lost but wow I loooooooved the brainwashed school prefect slowly realizing he's being manipulated by the people in power. That was GOOD. I liked the characters more than the plot they ended up with. The trailer was overpromising in that regard, I was expecting a full on mystery/possible scifi elements but it got sidetracked and lost itself. The final episodes when they're shooting the movie make no sense to me. It still gets a 4 because of the main couple, both characters and actors.

-Kieta Hatsukoi: 5/5

I had not seen this before and I finally caught up and wow it is as good as they say. Genuinely heartwarming and wholesome, i LOOOOOOVE the friendships, the OST is so good omg it was so sweet and funny. I already want to rewatch it, it's in the same category as Light On Me for cute slowburn with wholesome friendships

-The director who buys me dinner: 1.5/5

Honestly it's a 1.5 because the plot is somewhat interesting but it did NOT deliver at all. The short episodes might have been the first hindrance to fully developing the storyline but the weird idol with a bad attitude side character subplot took up way too much time. The flashbacks felt rushed and hard to follow, I think Tinted With You had tried something similar but in my opinion they had managed the pacing and plot way better. This is one of those webcomic adaptations that gets destroyed by the short running time and low budget unfortunately. If it ever got remade properly I'd be interested though.

-Cutie Pie 2 You: 2.5/5

It started out better than s1 and then I sort of lost interest and remembered why I didn't like s1. SO much wasted potential. I only tuned in to see Nuer and Syn and they did not disappoint (I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVED their spicy scene, god it was so awkward and honest and true and still managed to be hot) but I wish they'd gotten more screen time. Please give them a spinoff! The whole wedding fiasco was so boring, the comedy did not land well this time, how do you manage to have so much filler content in a 4 episode special is beyond me

-Between Us: 4/5

Oh the UWMA nostalgia hit so hard with this one. It was exactly what it should have been and slightly better than I was expecting (I think New's directing has improved over the years). Seeing Pharm, Team and Manaow together again made me so happy, my best friends. When the original ost started playing at the end I might have sobbed. I spent the whole time screaming for Team to get theraphy and stop trying to actively trigger his PTSD but he wouldn't listen. I had read the novel and I was a bit worried about the adaptation but I think they managed to capture the sense of comfort and safetly that Win provides to Team very well. Even the misunderstandings and the repressed feelings weren't too frustrating except for one or two instances. I even managed to enjoy the new side couple, Prince is SO CUTE!!!!!!!!! Man I just love characters who are sure about their identity and have been for a long time.

-The New Employee: 3.5/5

Cute. Nicely acted. Adored the flashbacks to university and the friendships. Plot wasn't anything too exceptional and it seems like they ran out of it 4 episodes in. Just okay

-Individual Circumstances: 2/5

The past few months have not been a happy time for kbls. They seem to be going for quantity over quality and they've been falling flat. I think the parallel between the story and the novel being written are the only interesting thing about this show, but they're also so obvious they don't really help saving it. I zoned out so bad I can't even remember why they had broken up in the first place. Were they even together? The low budget was also a heavy weight here, it just wasn't good.

-Gap: 2.5/5

I struggled rating this because it has some high highs and some low lows. I just wasn't vibing with the plot, i know the title is literally GAP and the show is about the gap in age, power, etc between them but god it got so repetitive and frustrating I couldn't really take it seriously anymore. Things I liked: Freen's acting, i think she did a great job portraying Sam. I liked Sam's character a lot, her awkwardness and apparent coldness and how she tried to break free from the manipulative power her grandma had over her. I think she was very interesting and layered and well acted. Another thing I liked were the intimacy scenes. I wasn't expecting much but I found them to be very well done, the chemistry was good and they felt very realistic. I don't think they were overdone and honestly we needed some lesbian sex to restore the balance after 5000000 bls. Cons are literally everything else, the people at the office and Sam's friends all felt like comic relief caricatures with no depth, Kirk was absolutely unsufferable. I'm only saving Tee and Yuki who I am hoping will get a spin off because I SAW THEM... I heard that baby in the last episode... How did they sacrifice such an interesting side couple for what? 10 minutes of extremely pointless Saint screen time? As a lesbian, (this is my excuse as to why this got so long)

-My school president: 5/5 10/10 1000/1000 <3/<3

WOW!!!! I was expecting less than nothing because the trailer had not prepared me. I thought it would be yet another boring high school slow burn with unexperienced actors but instead we got this amazing gem. I am SO happy I gave it a chance, it had my attention right from episode 1 and it was my motivation to get to the end of each weekend. Gemini and Fourth are incredible!!!! It was such a wholesome show about frienships and growing up together and being supportive. I loved every minute of it. THE MUSIC!! oh my god the music!!!!!!!!! Both the original songs and the bgm were so on point, I am so obsessed with all the tracks. I am usually not a fan of slow burn but if it's like this then I am all for it. The characters are clear about their feelings a few episodes in already and then it's more of a self imposed boundary that they keep pushing and pushing and that tension is just so much fun to witness. Honestly GMM was on fire these past few months, all my favorite shows were from them and it seems like they've been listening to some feedback unless it was a coincidence that all the good shows ended up airing at the same time lol

-The warp effect: 4/5

I am so confliced about this show. Everything about it is a full 5/5 for me except for Alex's character (and Army not shutting up ever). I'm trying not to spoil the ending because it's only been a week since it aired but it's hard to explain what I liked and what I didn't like about it lol. I guess I liked how the time skip worked but, while for most of the show it felt like it was an ensemble cast narration, the ending really does remind us that after all Alex is the main character. The side characters and their subplots were all interesting and varied and felt very refereshing for GMM standards (except for Army constantly outing Joe, I get that they were trying to portray him as someone very sure and proud of his identity and a bit slow at understanding others but man... they were really forcing his character to get some drama between them). Spent a solid bunch of time rooting for a Jean/Kat couple only for it to get adressed in canon and get laughed at so I quickly and bitterly gave up and accepted they were never going to be anything but straight. The more we found out about Alex and Jean's first time the more horrified I was, I did NOT want that Alex to ever be dating her so I was scared they'd put them together anyway since they're main leads. The actual ending was a compromise I can accept but still... Not ideal. If only there was a magical camera to send all idiots forward in time to witness the damage they've done...

-Moonlight Chicken: 10000000/5

A masterpiece!!! Legendary!!!! Everything I've ever wanted and more!!! There was nothing I didn't like? Not a single thing I can think of? Maybe just Alan being overly bitter and mean but oh well assholes exist everywhere. I went in with zero expectations because the trailer had made it seem like it would be all about cheating, as soon as I found out there would be no cheating involved I dropped all my reserves and was on board 100%. EarthMix were perfect and delightful, they're just so good together and their characters worked very well as a pairing. Surprisingly slow burn seeing how ep 1 part 1 starts. I like that Wen's job is shown a lot and he actually has real tasks to do that someone in his position would do (him answering emails at the temple really got to me lol). The atmosphere the setting the lighting the colors... Just gorgeous. AND THE SIDE COUPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE don't even get me started on Li Ming and Heart. Wow. Getting double GeminiFourth for a few weeks was such a treat, 3 days in a row of them delivering incredible performances (their first kisses lining up on the two shows was just adorable).

-Never let me go: ?/5

I sort of dropped this one? I was following it weekly up until ep 4 or 5 and then it lost me. The pacing was way too off and they had weird audio issues. The editing as well was bothering me, with really long closeups with nothing happening and similar issues. The plot wasn't interesting or new enough to keep me interested. I might finish it now that most of the shows I was following have ended.

CURRENTLY WATCHING

-Bed Friend:

I started this for two reasons: I will be tuning in for its spinoff since it's TutorYim AND I've been hearing about this show possibily getting made for the past 3 years. I remember when people wanted it to go to SaintZee (rip) so I wanted to check it out and I see what they meant. James has Saint energy, I won't elaborate. It's definitely as explicit as a show about friends with benefits should be lol I hope they can develop the romance aspect nicely and I hope it won't stem soley from King trying to "fix" Uea. The flashbacks to Uea's past are rather alarming (another instance of me screaming GET THERAPHY at him every time he's on screen) and I'm hoping there won't be too many more insances of them. As if the abusive mother wasn't enough? It feels too tropey to send all these bad "punishments" his way because he's an explicitly gay character.

-A Boss and a Babe:

Here comes another fully biased review, I couldn't not watch this as an avid ForceBooker. Only one episode in so there is not too much to say but honestly I am on board with ANYTHING from them. It's directed by New so I am prepared to be let down at some point but they could seriously just show me 60 minutes of Force's face and I wouldn't mind. I'm excited because it did not look slow burn-y at all and that fills my heart with joy. I like office romance comedies so much what can I say. I KNOW Cher looks like an absolute dumbass but I know there's a brain in there. He's so cute he'll never get on my nerves. I will fight every single person on MDL to defend Book and his acting, I don't care.

LOOKING FORWARD TO

-Our Skyy 2: STACKED LINEUP. More PhuTian and more PatPran are a dream come true, a blessing, a gift etc. Please air soon I need to water my crops. I am honestly excited for all couples (I just need to catch up on never let me go I guess), give me that little extra content to boost my serotonin and PLEASE BE GOOD

-23.5: MILKLOVEEEEEEEEE I also really really want this to be good because it has so much potential please please please. Happy about more GeminiFourth as well, and Ford too! He did so well on My School President, I need to see more of him.

-Middleman's love: TutorYim. TutorYim. TutorYim. TutorYim.

-Only Friends: I am hoping this will be a BL version of friend zone with a more grown up writing. Stellar cast again so I am very intrigued. (I've been affectionately referring to it as the gmm horny show)

-Last Twilight: could be a big hit or a big miss depending on how they handle it. I am very curious and a bit hopeful after seeing Moonlight Chicken

-The Next Prince: I think I'll end up hating this one but the trailer was so dreamy, straight out of a royalty AU. The truth is I believe Nunew should be the next global idol and singing a few OSTs for his bls + the occasional youtube cover isn't the way to go. (I am sort of joking, of course if he's happy doing this then it's not an issue at all) (IDK why Wabi Sabi sent their actors (Yacht especially, wtf) on a Korean survival and Nunew is still shackled to Zee)

-Absolute Zero: I feel like this will be a disaster. It sounds interesting on paper but I have zero faith they'll do it justice. Please prove me wrong

-The Korean Why R U remake: I feel like I am contractually obliged to tune in since the original show is what made me who I am today as a person. I have serious doubts this will work the same magic on me.

-About a hundred new Kbls (I truly can't keep up and I end up skipping most of them unless someone I trust really recommends me one at this point)

-Rumored season 2 of blueming? Rumored season 2 of Kissable Lips???????

I think that's all for now (lol) I swear to never take another 9 month break because this recap took me 2 full hours to write

[catboy-jaebeom]

I posted 9,513 times in 2022

That's 6,262 more posts than 2021!

41 posts created (0%)

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@eyes-of-simha

@meant-to-be-a-hero

@arel-o-imladris

@iforgotmyurl

I tagged 7,353 of my posts in 2022

Only 23% of my posts had no tags

#got7 - 778 posts

#positivity - 740 posts

#!!! - 662 posts

#writing ideas - 613 posts

#writing references - 550 posts

#art - 454 posts

#cats - 289 posts

#queer stuff - 277 posts

#bitter millennial blogging - 250 posts

#hübsche menschen - 226 posts

Longest Tag: 124 characters

#🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

week two of #got7revival: fave era

visually: JayB's Piercing Era

this was the first look and the first couple of pictures I've ever seen of Jaebeom, and although I wasn't present yet when it happened, mentally I'm still there and I cannot wait for him to maybe at least get his nose pierced again. YOU GUYS WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT HAS HAPPENED!! I've seen the posts of non-ahgase asking who the "piercing guy in GOT7" was, and I wish I had already been a kpop fan at that time, but alas. ( the long hair is a very pretty bonus, too!! )

See the full post

10 notes - Posted October 20, 2022

#4

week one of #got7revival: bias & wrecker

bias: Jaebeom & Youngjae

jaebeom was the first member of GOT7 I found while looking for faceclaims for my fantasy novel about one and a half years ago ( march 2021 ) ; he got me and a friend into kpop and the rest is history. I love this weird cat guy ( affectionate ) with his twin moles and the utter passion and leadership he always brings to the table. I also adore that he talks about his depression and anxiety so relatively openly. he wouldn't need to, and yet he does, and I respect that a lot. it makes even me feel better about myself, and I thought I had a really good grip on mine.

once I knew the members and had gotten familiar with their character and all, I started gravitating towards youngjae as well. I sometimes wonder whether he wouldn't have been my ( actual / only ) bias in GOT7 if a) jaebeom wasn't so very special to me that it feels wrong to switch biases, and b) I had already known the members when I had gotten into GOT7, or if GOT7 hadn't been my very first group and I had already been much more familiar with how groups worked and all that. he's 97 percent shy, innocent maknae, and 3 percent a wicked minx who nobody can be mad at and I love that for him.

the bottom line is that I bias them both and they seem to be okay with having shared custody, if you wanna call it that. I'm calling it that now.

btw, I always consider those people the bias that I have a soft spot for, who I relate to on a personality level, who make me feel all warm and cozy when I watch them do their thing — and the wrecker is the one that just wrecks me with their visuals or voice or whatever it is. I can't look at them for long because that's overwhelming because they're so v attractive ( not saying my biases aren't, but the wreckers just take a bat and swing it at me, while the biases just don't cause that reaction in my brain ) idk, I hope this makes sense, but I've heard people describe biases as the ones that are in "first place" and the wreckers are trying to dethrone them and that's just not my definition of it. kakdif no hate tho! just wanted to explain that.

See the full post

14 notes - Posted October 11, 2022

#3

not to be a nerd on main about this, but we should stop transcribing 형 / 누나 and 오빠* / 언니 as bro / sis. linguistically they have very different connotations and it's kinda driving me up a wall as someone who's very invested and interested in languages, like, I do realize that especially casual watchers of like kdramas, who just started getting into them after Netflix or whomever added a bunch of them to their library, don't really care and that's totally fine with me! it's a considerably small thing, and if you just wanna watch something without diving into the language or culture or anything, then you're totally free to, that's valid, honestly

just. that's not what those words mean, connotation-wise and every time I read "bro!" or "sis!" in Netflix's or even YT's subtitles I die a bit inside.

obviously I'm not Korean and if anyone who speaks the language well / lives in Korea and is well familiar with when those are used, wants to weigh in, feel absolutely free to!

but to break it down briefly, those are honorifics attached to a person's name if they're older than you, but not, like, significantly. older students, older colleagues at work if you're a bit more friendly with them, friends, and ( your actual ) siblings. they are normal and do not immediately imply you view the other person as a sort of sibling from another parent.

yes, they do basically translate to "older brother" / "older sister", but transcribing it with "bro" and "sis" respectively has an entirely different impact than what they are actually supposed to infer. it's a polite suffix, that can in certain situations also imply trust or a more intimate relationship, because otherwise ( especially outside of a school context ) you'd use 씨 ( shee ) after their name. just that nobody especially in a school context does that because they use 형 ( hyeong / hyung ) / 누나 ( noona ) and 오빠* ( oppa ) / 언니 ( eonnie / unnie ) — former is used by males and latter by females, both times to address an older 'brother' / an older 'sister' respectively — either alone or after their name.

the companion piece is adding 아 or 야 (-a for names with a consonant at the end or -ya for those with a vowel ) to the names of people younger than you ( or those you're close with ) — and for example in All Of Us Are Dead they do that all the time and it's not transcribed by cutesy-fying their names is it now. they just put their names into the subtitles and move on.

I personally think it'd be much better to simply use you in any other sentence and if some character yells 형! across the room in distress, to transcribe it with the other character's name for emphasis. that's for me personally the closest, connotation-wise.

or, you know, have hyeong / noona / eunnie / oppa* in the transcript / subtitles in italics and explain it with some translator annotation the first time it appears alone. but that's generally an issue with subtitles on such platforms I feel. they remove words when creating the subtitles and leave out such nuances because gods forbid they'd force casual viewers to pause the show to read the annotations akskdkf. either way,

tl;dr they don't use teen slang in kdramas all the time even if the subtitles would have you believe otherwise and it's probably a problem that stems from companies thinking they can't "bother" their customers with having to pause to read, but I think that's simply taking away important context to a depicted story and I'd really like it to stop, thank you.

*oppa is a bit special because it is also used as a sort of term of endearment by women towards their boyfriends, or like, when they flirt with them pre-relationship, so it can also imply a romantic interest, be mindful of that. but I'd assume then it'd be transcribed with some sort of babe or honey or something.

14 notes - Posted March 4, 2022

#2

week three of #got7revival: fave choreo

See the full post

35 notes - Posted October 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

can't believe my dear friend Jonathan is so polite he didn't even get angry when his host simply destroyed his shaving mirror, the only working mirror in the whole castle, especially after he didn't see him in said mirror, like, I get you are finally seeming to catch up but Jonathan pls catch up faster, I'm begging

36 notes - Posted May 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[deadlykitten-404]

okay I know this show has been around for awhile, BUT I just binged Doona! and I need to talk about the ending bc I'm upset at how unsatisfying that was (spoilers under the cut)

okay so what was that?? I really thought that won-jun's miscommunication was going to be his resolved character arc but it wasn't?? like Doona went through so much and grew so much because of him (like it literally shows that she starts singing again because of him - as a side note I really liked how they used her ability to sing to physically show her burn out and anxiety and how she began to like herself and find joy in her music again with won-jun)

those last two episodes were difficult to sit through because why did he never grow like at all??? every time Doona sat him down and talked to him she was so honest with him and he wouldn't even give her the respect to answer? like I was hoping he would get over himself in the end and work with her where she was OR if he didn't change she would accept that he helped her grow and could acknowledge that he was stuck where he was and she could move on to do what's better for her life but instead he refuses to communicate and she still loves him???

it felt like such a weird ending because of won-jun's "I don't kiss my friends" and then he slept with her multiple times and with the couple rings like clearly he cared about her significantly, and I don't understand why her not being around him 24/7 was enough for him to give up on her. like, we see him writing to her so he clearly wanted to keep in touch, but at soon as she approaches him in the precious little time she has he's just like "nah, I'm good"????

she literally told him her manager would make them break up and then did everything in her power to stop that from happening and when it did happen he just,, what,, got intimidated by her?? got upset that she finally was pursuing the career that she loved (THAT HE ENCOURAGED HER TO FOLLOW????) AND THEN HE LEAVES FOR MILITARY??? like this man is physically running away and I still don't understand the reasoning behind him abandoning her like it just didn't feel in character like she opened up to him about her struggles and insecurities and he should have known that it would hurt her and if he regretted every moment since then why wouldn't he just go with her then when she directly stated that she had a plan to make it work

idk the ending scene where he finally admits that he regrets losing her was good, but I was just hoping that they would have had more of a conversation where he like straight up told her he would do what he needed to to meet her where she was but instead she just like forgives him. id say it was good to see him pursuing his career but it wasn't because it really felt like he was just leaving her behind.

I guess I just wish there was more scenes that explicitly showed that they were still together (or even if they were still wearing the rings!!) like the deleted final kiss scene helps a bit and it's implied that they at least still care for each other but he was so annoying and whiny the last two episodes he was frankly being really selfish and I was hoping that it would show how he grew in that so he could still be there for her. but I guess not.

I am happy that it implies that they manage to stay together but I don't like the way it got there. I wish there was one last episode that like actually explained all of that. (and also I've noticed that kdramas don't tend to show full conversation I think I also wish we got to see more of their resolution conversations on screen bc without it it's hard for me to understand why she's still putting so much effort into him)

having said all of this I really enjoyed this series and I really liked the characters and I really liked these two as a couple I just feel like the ending didn't do their story justice

[koreandragon]

am i supposed to be ok with the main couple in Doctors? cause i’m so not

[lilac-5ky]

I was tagged by @sebfreak to do this. I DIS-THANK YOU FOR THE TAG, COMING UP WITH JUST 9 WAS TORTURE ;-; tho uhm my non tsundere self thanks you i suppose

and i went with anime characters, didn't want to include games, kdramas, tv-shows whatever :p it would take me ages :p

Put your 9 fave characters in no particular order!

1. Takasugi Shinsuke

no surprises here, none at all :p i've liked anime characters before, but shinsuke smh vacuumed my soul and hasn't returned it since. not only do i love him beyond what words can describe, but he's also one of the four characters i relate the most. (my four devas arc lmao)

he can keep it.

2. Senjougahara Hitagi

i just love her so much, she might as well be my number 1 female character. for the longest time i considered her my anime alter ego, so aye second member of my devas

3. Sakata Gintoki

gintoki might as well be the best anime protagonist ever created. he is not only extremely relatable, but his story gets rooted in you. when gin-chan cries, we cry. when gin-chan laughs, we laugh. he is our gin--chan.

third member of my devas

4. Shinomiya Kaguya

how cute? yes she is extremely cute and i adore her! i'd probably die for her or defend her to the death. yes, i have a huge thing for tsundere, sue me.

fourth member of my devas.

5. Zura janai Katsura da

wdym that's not his name?!?!?! all jokes aside, katsura is my reason for starting gintama. i love everything about him and just like kaguya, i'm ready to defend him to the death! innocent cinnamon roll worthy of protection!

6. Makima

makima is easily one of the most well written characters i've seen. i love to hate her, i hate to love her, it's a weird relationship but she definitely deserves a spot in my top 10.

7. Lelouch vi Britannia

it's been 7 years and i still can't forget the second season's finale. lelouch was simply brilliant and perhaps was one of the very first anime characters i truly enjoyed!

8. Kocho Shinobu

honestly i was torn between shinobu and misato from nge for this spot. i love them both but i have a soft spot for girls who seek revenge and have butterflies in their designs, so shinobu got it! i love her personality so much, i wish the manga expanded even more on her

9. Hikigaya Hachiman

this boy is beyond a mood. just look at his face, so devoid of life. the reason why i love hachiman as a character is bcs he isn't shallow and he really seeks something profound that's hard to find. even if he knows it's hard to find, he keeps searching for meaning and in the end, his character development and change of views pays off so much! i was between him and gaara for this position, but i let him have it.

FINAL WORDS

my top 9 is sort of in order though i wasn't asked to do that. shinsuke is definitely my number 1 and then my number 2 realistically is a tie between hitagi and gintoki. there are sooo many characters i wanted to include, such as lucy (elfen lied), gaara (naruto), misato and shinji (nge), koro-sensei (assassination classroom) and like at least a few more gintama character, but i tried to keep it diverse. yes, i tend to like characters with whom i can relate, and that's why this list is plagued by tsundere lmao

I tag @unstable-viper @faidrafuchsia and @toi-yama to do this if they want to, and whoever else wants to participate is welcome!

[deathlygristly]

Okay, four hours later, after getting home from work and hugging the spousal person and petting the cats and having a snack and changing into my favorite sleepyclothes, I have thoughts.

My favorite sleepyclothes are a T shirt and pants pajama set that's cat themed and the shirt says Cat Nap on it - when I wear it I tell the spousal person that I am experiencing gender euphoria, since if gender is clothes based like some people seem to think then my gender is sleepyclothes. :)

Putting the rest under a readmore because all personal and just me writing myself through stuff.

Anyway, my thoughts:

Work has been pretty stressful lately and I've had to get up earlier than usual three days this week and I'm tired. Earlier today at work I had one of those really short but still awful anxiety attacks where a cold feeling starts in my gut and goes up my chest and things feel really weird and not real, and then later after that I felt so exhausted that it was hard to walk. Then when I got back to the office and I was editing and uploading pics that I am pretty behind on since I've had three or more tours a day lately until the last two days, I checked the Patreon of a kdrama podcast I listen to and I saw someone calling me out for saying a currently airing kdrama seems to be for neurotypical people.

It's a good thing I was alone in the upstairs office because I started crying. Deleted my post, left the Patreon, unfollowed the podcast, and texted the spousal person to ask if I was a bad person.

When I get like this I think my brain is using the definition of bad person it learned in childhood - that a bad person is someone who doesn't want to practice for the spelling bee so she gets choked, or someone who didn't know to ask a stranger who called if he was the gravel man so she gets slapped and yelled at. A bad person is someone who makes other people mad in ways that she wasn't able to predict and prevent before it happened.

And the person who called me out wasn't even really that mad or mean or anything. I'm not blaming them for this at all. It's just that even when you feel like you've been pretty recovered for years the trauma can still hit you occasionally, especially when you're already at a low point of fatigue and stress.

Also I had been getting fairly frustrated with how people on that podcast and in the community surrounding it said very very often that the shows that we really like are too silly and over the top and weird and ick. So when they all jump on a show that we think is all right but not great, of course I'm going to be thinking about why our tastes and experiences are so different. And maybe feel a little resentful of how often they hate on the shows we like - actually last week they posted asking for questions they'd answer in an episode and I asked "What's with all the hate for silly shows?" but I deleted it. I guess last week I was more aware that asking that wasn't a good move socially than I was today.

So yeah, I don't think the person who called me out was wrong or mean or anything, and I do think I reacted out of the trauma being triggered for the first time in quite a while. But I think it was also a legitimate signal that maybe that community isn't for me and that it was getting to me and that it was, like the skeleton in that post that goes around says, time to hit the bricks and just leave.

Also the spousal person said it was okay to talk to him about the show being more for neurotypical people because he agrees with me. ;)

Anyway, yeah, I'll be okay. It's a three day weekend, I can sleep in tomorrow, I've already decided to be kind to myself all three days and just do whatever I want and not judge myself, and it'll be okay.

And I'm not a bad person. I'm just a person.

How do you know if you're a bad person or not? I'm pretty sure I'm a bad person but the spousal person says I'm not.

Context: Someone got mad at me for saying Love Next Door was for neurotypical people, so saying and thinking that was wrong and bad.

[karasunology]

⸙ ˚₊ ➷ AKAASHI DATING BOKUTO'S LITTLE SISTER HEADCANONS ! ❞

╰─ ─ ﾟheadcanons of how would it be if akaashi was dating you & how would bokuto react.

-ˏˋ ➶ character(s) ━ akaashi keiji & bokuto koutaro <3

[ trigger warnings ━ none !! ]

-ˏˋ ✉️ REQUESTS ARE ALWAYS OPEN.

⇣ please read the RULES before requesting. requests on my inboxes are all almost done, and i have nothing to do so send out a request and i'll write 'em !!

AKAASHI KEIJI.

➜ you and akaashi probably met through bokuto

➜ since he was apart of the team, and you were his younger sister, you guys were bound to meet one day.

➜ and when you guys did meet, there wasn't anything special between you two ― you were just his best friend's younger sister which was also in the same year as him, and he was just your brother's best friend.

➜ you guys would smile at each other whenever you were near each other, a polite bow as well but, weirdly enough, that was all.

➜ and koutaro was totally depressed about it

➜ he wanted you guys to be best friends too, like his first best friend and his kouhai, setter best friend being good friends as well? OF COURSE HE WANTED THAT

➜ bb boy just wanted to have lunch with you three

➜ and maybe along the other vbc members

➜ and when you guys did have lunches together, which wasn't rare but also wasn't common either, since you have a different group of friends as well, it would always be when the other vbc team were there.

➜ and you would occasionally share a laugh and coversation with the members along with akaashi, but you were always closer with koari and yukie.

➜ but one day, you've gotten sick at school but you didn't want to burden and worry your brother because he also has volleyball practice later and his class was still ongoing so you had no choice but to try and walk home before you faint.

➜ but that day, oddly enough, you have forgotten to look at the weather.

➜ and it was fine since you would always do that like?? WHO EVEN CHECKS THE WEATHER BECAUSE I DONT

➜ but that day was said to have a rainy weather, and when you were about to leave to the school gates after having permission from your teachers, akaashi called out for you, running up to you

➜ phew some kdrama shit going on rn😳✋

➜ or some miraculous lady bug & kaguyama sama love is war typa shit😳💅

➜ you were confused, nevertheless stopped yourself as you saw his figure coming closer to you

“ oh, akaashi-san. ” your hoarse voice was evident, after trying to clear your throat, you bowed slighty at him in greating

“ i heard you were sick and you had to go home. ” he started off, wiping off the sweat trickling down from his forehead.

“ here, ” he handed you an umbrella you didn't notice he held on his right hand.

“ heard that it was going to rain today and saw that you were didn't have an umbrella ”

➜ bb boy is so reliable and thoughtful

“ no i could't i ― ”

“ bokuto-san wouldn't be happy since you're already sick, and we still have volleyball practice and i have a spare umbrella. get well soon. ”

➜ akaashi's speach was short, and straightforward. would have left you wondering what was his real intentions were in the end, and that's what actually happened to you.

➜ as you accepted his umbrella, you walked home with nothing but akaashi wondering in the deepest cevices of your mind that you didn't know existed

➜ but before akaashi, you didn't know many things at all; the unfamiliar thumping on your chest, butterflies in your stomache & flushed cheeks.

➜ you didn't know of them until the day akaashi decided that HE was the one to make you feel that way and no one else

➜ after that day, something kinda changed between you guys.

➜ don't get me wrong, smiling at each other in the hallways were still a thing, bowing at each other are still a thing; but there were a bit newer accompanies, the peach on your cheeks, and the nervousness on akaashi's nerves.

➜ the both of you would have a small chit-chats with each other even if it's just the two of you inside a classroom, occasionally laughing at a literature joke akaashi had up his sleeves.

➜ and it wasn't only you and akaashi which have noticed the slight changes in yours and akaashi's behaviour.

➜ yukie and kaori would share knowing glance at each other whenever you and akaashi would share a long conversation with each other than usual by every lunch time with the vbc team

➜ and also your older brother, kou-nii, has also noticed it😳

➜ the way you and akaashi would hold unusual, and long gazes at each other ― the one would also look at the other when they aren't looking, and vice versa

➜ koutaro was ecstatic !! since at first he thought you guys were already best friends not knowing both of you had different thoughts😳

➜ it wasn't only until valentines day did it really click on him what the weird tension between akaashi and you was when you stayed up later than usual baking some sweets ― at first, thought it was for him, but before he could say how honoured he was, he saw the scribbled up tags scattered, and it all lead him up to a piece of paper which you have forgotten to scribbled out which said,

“ to akaashi ”

➜ and a small, yet noticable doodled heart on the side

➜ and that was when something in kou's brain malfunctioned.

➜ you weren't by any chance ,, infatuated with his best friend ??? righT?? RIGHT??

➜ the next day he snuck a glance on the box of sweets and still saw his best friend's name on it and boy did it click to him

➜ you ! like ! his ! best friend

➜ normaly he wouldn't mind since akaashi's a great guy, but you were his little sister

➜ and bb boy couldn't help but get protective

➜ but it was your life and your relationship, he's glad atleast the person that took your heart was akaashi

➜ when you confessed to akaashi, you were in a haze and before you knew it ― akaashi has pulled you onto a warm yet careful hug and with infatuated tainted cheeks, he returned your feelings

➜ and the day you told your brother that you and akaashi were dating, bb boy kinda kinda knew it was coming but nevertheless has never felt SO proud of both of you

➜ would support you till no ends

➜ he already knows about akaashi's information so ,,,

➜ you know just in case homeboy breaks ur heart😌🗿

➜ hope fully not because akaashi COULD NEVERRRR

➜ as i said in my older brother headcanons, he would step up as a big brother when he needs to & he had the bro talk with akaashi & akaashi was never the same after that

➜ but honestly had called dibs being akaashi's best man and for him and your father to walk you down the aisle

➜ mans mind was gOING PLACES Y'ALL LMAOO

➜ would have sleepover with the three of you guys on the living room but he'll be the one sleeping with akaashi on the other sofa because nuh-uh, you ain't ready for that shlt yet

➜ would also 8/10 of the time has clung onto akaashi while sleeping while akaashi was regretting his life choices at 2 am in the morning when he found himself sprawled, his other half of the body hanging off the sofa while the bokuto siblings are sleeping peacefully

➜ but akaashi wouldn't have it any other way. and koutaro too, since both of his best friends are happpily together, he couldn't ask for anything more as both your best friend, and brother.

-ˏˋ playing soleil's tape ˊˎ-

[ 📼 ] . . . this was requested by a fellow filipino anon !! love this request so much & it's so cute. hopefully you liked this bubs, also, REQUESTS ARE OPEN, i need me some entertainment and i have almost finished writing all the requests in my inbox. i promise i'll write them😳✌

[arsvitayoungjae]

Hide - The Beginning

Song Request: School Life - Stray Kids

The sound of my alarm goes off and surrounds the whole room. Somehow, I managed to lift my hand to turn it off lazily, but that didn't stop it. I kept on resisting, still tired from watching too many KDramas the night before.

"Good morning, sunshine!" A loud voice erupted from my front door.

"Shut up, Jeonghan," I mumbled, loud enough for him to hear. "It's much too early for you to be here."

"Early? What do you mean early?" Jeonghan chuckled. "You only have forty minutes to get ready for school."

I bounced up and scolded him for not telling me sooner. I grabbed my towel and ran to the bathroom. After around 20 minutes, I was done and fully-dressed. I didn't usually put on makeup but since it was the first day of school, I decided to put on powder and a light dab of liptint. I raced to my living room, seeing Jeonghan sitting on the sofa comfortably. As soon as he saw me, he got up and grabbed my arm.

"Let's go!"

•••••

Today is my first day of school. I'll be attending my dream school, The School of Arts and Entertainment in Seoul (or more popularly known as SAES), for the very first time. I had a really tough time in my old school as a freshman, so my mom let me transfer schools. She wanted to make up for all the things that had happened to me on my first year, that's why she took me to my dream school.

I found out about SAES when I was in ninth grade. They went to my school to introduce their own school to those who could be interested. One of the speakers was a student from JYP class - Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul. He seemed unreal to me. He is too handsome for a human being. His aura was too high class. But what attracted me the most was his wise words. He was a great speaker and he kept on saying inspiring quotes. What separated him from other speakers was the fact that his speech was clearly unscripted. His words have completely captured my heart.

I decided to enter SAES for high school without any doubts. Me and my best friend, Yoon Jeonghan both took the entrance exam. He effortlessly passed, but I didn't. I was late for the test and didn't even get the chance to answer at least half of the questions. Entrance exams for transfer students had an expensive fee to pay, but my mom worked hard to get enough money for it. I couldn't thank her enough. Because of her, I was now at SAES, my one and only dream school.

•••••

As soon as we got to the school's quadrangle, a large group of girls started to surround us. They kept calling on Jeonghan, asking him to sign autographs and such. Much worse, others were begging him to be their boyfriend.

"Didn't know you were popular," I whispered to Jeonghan. He just laughed in reply. I wiggled out of the crowd, not wanting to be part of it.

"Y/N, don't leave me!" He overreacted.

Instead of helping him, I decided to just walk away and pretend to not know him. It'll be a struggle if his fangirls find out.

I stared at my class schedule and looked around for my first class. I was too focused on the piece of paper in my hand that I didn't notice the voice beside me. On his probably fifth time calling me, I finally looked up at him.

"Hi," he began with a smile revealing his adorable dimples. "I'm the school council president Kim Namjoon, but most people just call me RM. I rap. Also, I'm a junior from Class Bighit."

He held out his hand for a handshake and I gladly accepted. I bowed to him and apologized for my carelessness earlier.

"No, it's okay. Are you new here?"

"Yes, actually. I'm a sophomore from Class JYP."

"Oh really? I have a friend from there, but he's a junior. C'mon, let me take you there."

He led the way and I followed him. It was awkward walking alongside Namjoon-sunbaenim since heads turned to look at us everytime we passed by the hallways. Not much time later, we reached the classroom.

"Thank you so much, sunbaenim. I hope I can repay you for your kindness." I said with a ninety-degree bow.

"No, it's good. That's what I'm supposed to do."

"Namjoon-ah, who is this?" I turned around and saw the one but not only Park Jinyoung PD-nim. My heart pounded fast with nervousness. This was the first time I got to see him face to face.

"Oh, Mr. Park, this is..." Namjoon-sunbaenim turned to me. "I haven't got your name?"

"I'm Y/F/N. It's an honor to finally meet you, PD-nim. I'm a fan." I bowed to him. He beamed and soon after, he and Namjoon-sunbaenim bid their farewells to each other.

"Are you the new student?" PD-nim asked as I nodded in reply. "Let's go inside."

Being escorted by really special people today feels really weird and uneasy, but I guess it helped me feel welcome.

I followed JYP PD-nim to the classroom, where he had me stand in front with him.

"Class," the class settled down when he spoke. "This is Y/F/N. She is our new student. Be friends with her and guide her, okay?"

"Yes, PD-nim," the class replied in unison.

I sat on a free seat near the back. To my right was a brown-haired boy with chubby cheeks and on the other side was a black-haired girl with spectacles. I didn't feel good on my seat because the guy kept staring at the girl. In front of me was another girl with slender eyes and behind me was a guy who looked similar. They were really pretty, to be honest.

I lost my train of thought when the girl beside me tapped my shoulder. I got a better look on her appearance. She was bubbly, but a little timid. She smiled when I looked back at her. Her smile was pure. I like her. She seems interesting.

"Hi, my name's Yumi. I'm a vocal," she excitedly told me. Her smile then dropped as she moved her head to look at the guy beside me. "Jisung-ah, stop looking at the new girl. I know she's pretty, but I'm worried your eyes might pop out."

I turned to the guy I believe was Jisung. He snickered, showing off his adorable smile.

"Shut up, Yumi. I have eyes for only one girl," he said with a cheeky expression.

Yumi whined because she said she still didn't know who the girl he's talking about was. Jisung just laughed in reply.

He held his hand out for me to shake. "My name's Jisung, a rapper. Nice to meet you."

The handshake was discontinued when the guy behind me stole my hand from Jisung's.

"I'm Hyunjin. Dancer. Let's be friends." He smiled with his eyes. His face was much more attractive up close.

"That's rude, Hyunjin." Yumi scolded while Jisung just giggled.

The girl in front of me turned around. She seemed annoyed by the noise.

"You guys, stop bothering Y/N. You're too noisy." Her angry face briefly changed to a soft smile. "I'm Yeji. I'm a dancer."

"Done with introductions, I guess?" Our teacher interrupted. "Settle down, kids. I'm Mr. Lee and I'll be your homeroom teacher for the whole year. It's nice to meet all of you, talented children."

Mr. Lee proceeded to the lecture. I wasn't really able to concentrate properly since Yumi and Jisung kept bickering every five minutes.

This turned out better than I thought. So far, I'm enjoying my stay here at SAES.

masterlist

[goyangii]

is it okay if i ask u about your experiences with being fetishized in online and offline spaces?? i deactivated my social media over this but i feel like a lot of non-Koreans make random Korean people feel like we're the spokesperson on all Korean issues??? i've noticed this fetishization happens a lot so i kinda avoid non-Koreans if they're kpop fans or if they act weirdly (they have a way of treating us like fantasies but also act very weirdly toward us)

oh my god yessss. for a disclaimer, i grew up in kr/kr american neighborhoods or at least very predominantly asian neighborhoods for almost all my life so most of my experience with ppl being gross was online and in school only and tbh until like, maybe ~2010 i never had a problem with ppl being weird about korean stuff specifically, mostly just weebs/yellow fever types. but when that started becoming a problem i just never said that i was korean specifically and if i ever made reference to my race i'd say "asian" or "east asian" only lol. if i was around other asians i'd be more open but it's definitely tough, as i've had non-kr asians be kind of weird about it too sometimes unfortunately and i really don't know what to do about that either bc i do not do that to others?? it's so bizarre to me. and yes omfg i definitely see wym about ppl acting like One Random Korean Person is somehow Representative of All of Korea and has to educate/have opinions on every korean-related topic under the sun too, i've had friends (even non-kr asian friends!!) always ask me about any korean related topic as if i was the expert on everything korean or assume i care about X korean show or Y kpop song or Z korean issue or will teach them about [___] korean food or whatever.

it reminds me of white friends expecting me to teach them how to use chopsticks in uni or always asking me how to pronounce any asian name (even if it wasn't korean!) and honestly annoys me a lot bc i would never do this to someone of another race. like i would never go to a chinese person and treat them like chinese person instead of chinese person so idk why they act like this????? and online dating is AWFUL esp as kpop got so big, i legit have had ppl immediately open with "omg i love kpop/kdramas/kimchi 😍" as if i'm supposed to care????????

also i'm korean american, not born in korea so i'm 2nd gen but my korean is awful (i learned japanese growing up instead bc my elementary school had very limited options...my mom is still giving me grief about that 20+ yrs later oof) and i don't consume much korean media outside of what i watch/listen/see with my family, so i'm often a "bad" korean or not korean enough to some people. it's one thing if my family jokes about it bc i can't handle spicy foods but it does hurt when it comes from like, ajummas at church or something. i'm also not "traditionally" a good woman — i have darker skin (maybe from growing up in a tropical area?? i used to be even darker and my mom would always comment on it negatively), i am more masc/gnc, i don't date men, i don't/won't have children, i have no interest in becoming a doctor/lawyer, i am not christian, etc. so my mom has gotten a lot of flak from other koreans for raising me "wrong", even from her own extended family. it really just sucks bc it made me hate her and korean culture when i was a kid and it's taken so long to understand why she tried to pressure me to fit an ideal mold. then on the flip side i can't even just be a "normal" american, i've had ppl assume i don't speak english (i speak fluent english!!!!), say i sound esl (i literally don't T_T this one feels kinda racist ngl), ask me where i'm from, stare at me in more white areas, white ppl randomly try to speak (really, really bad) korean to me, etc so i find i don't really fit in comfortably anywhere but with other asian americans in the end. it's a kind of awkward in between two worlds where i'm never enough of either to count. idk if you experience that too. it sometimes bums me out bc i have friends who are, say, 2nd gen filipino or chinese or viet and we all share that feeling to varying degrees. like a fish out of water kind of feeling.

specifically in trans spaces i've had a lot of issues with fetishization, esp from white tims (though i've had my unfair share from tif kpop stans) but also from non-kr asian tims, but thankfully it's been long enough that i've been out and cut most tims out of my life that i could w/o getting cancelled as a terf that most of my day to day is just frustration with irl (this is like 90% of the problem) and more casual online spaces like twitter, reddit, tumblr, etc. (which i try to be kind of anonymous in nowadays). still i do have to interact with some tims and tifs and it does make my stomach crawl to see full ass white women larping as kpop boys or men posting about how asian women are the ~peak of femininity~ and they just want their ~kpop goddess~ or whatever and nobody calls this shit out for what it is. it's so demoralizing and i'm happy i left the trans community. i just wish there was more of an asian/asian american detrans community (hah...if only) or at least lgb community, bc i only know a very small handful of lgb asians and most of them are bihet women......

interestingly outside of kpop and kdramas most of the fetishization seems to be just bog standard asian fetish/yellow fever, idt most of the idiots who try to hit me up with "i've never been with an asian before ;)" even know what i am lmao. so i guess there's that? i've always had a weird frustration w/ this bc it's like korea is invisible except for kpop/kdramas so they can't even be more specific in their fetishization lmfao

this turned out super long and idk if it helped but if you ever want to message me off anon abt this pls feel free to!! i try to be kind of vague on here bc i am scared adding details will dox me. but i would be totally open to off-anon messaging as this is smth i feel strongly about esp as i've gotten older and moved to whiter areas. hoping to move back to at least a more asian neighborhood soon bc god i am sick of going to the gas station or whatever and being full on stared at by the white ppl there. it makes me very uneasy tbh. unfortunately am stuck rn for work.

[itskangy]

I got catfished--

Okay so it started 2015, I added this handsome lad on Facebook bc im a kid with imagination thinking I was going to get the boy somehow. I admire him so much bc he's good looking and also bc I think he might be kind or whatever. He was Onin Gonzales.

I would always try to talk to him even though I sounded dumb like always lol okay so here's how I tried before;

Kdrama weightlifting kim bok joo was famous this time lol. You have no idea, I can't breathe that time bc a handsome man?! Is replying?! On my messages?! Can you believe that?! I'm just a potato.

There's this one time he posted on his Facebook that he was bored he needs someone to talk to and then he called me and I recorded it ofc it was cringey ohgod I really can't stand hearing my voice you know. But okay i recorded it and I don't remember the number anymore. I sent it to myself on Facebook. Yep I know so "2016"

Okay fast forward to 2019 where we used to talk on Instagram. We talked about A LOT but there's picture limit on one post so I'm not posting it all

Sweet huh? Okay okay I got excited to where this is going bc I was happy, he knows me! Finally after 5 years he remembered me (we had a conversation before and I asked him if he knew me or what and he said he did)

That's all I ever wanted. The person I admire for 5 years knows me and that's a big deal for me.

Ofcourse we aren't "always" talking bc he's "busy at work" or idk so I got bored last year December and I stalked his Twitter, nothing wrong it's just his pictures before and all his thoughts. And then I went to Facebook and I found a post of his friend's friend which is also my Facebook friend bc he's handsome too lol wtf Karen

Okay so the post was about Onin's Facebook account being turned down and I read the comments and it hit me, there's a dude saying "good for him bc he's a poser and here's the original account of the person who owns all the pictures." Something like that but this K.A. defended his friend's friend saying he's not a poser and all, I went to stalk this real account and shit, all photos being shared is the same, also the IG stories.

I DM'd him asking him for his name: (i can't remember the whole conversation im sorry this is what i can recall)

Me: diba your name is Onin Jake Louisse Manansala Gonzales

Him: yes why

Me: can I ask who is Neil R. Is?

And then he didn't replied to me for how many days. I was looking for answers and he wasn't giving it to me so that's kind of fucked up situation.

I knew there was something wrong. I just wanted the answer to come out from him whoever he is.

We had call signs ohmygod it was "babe" MY SACRED ENDEARMENT ok lol whatever

I don't wanna go to all the details bc im tired ugh fuck.

Okay so I talked to this K.A. and here's our conversation;

Me: kuya?

K.A: ?

Me: do you know Onin Gonzales?

K.A: yes

Me: do you know who Harold Neil R. Is?

K.A: yea, why, iisa lang yan

Me: oh really?

K.A: yes why?

Me: no one's "poser" or whatever?

K.A: tropa kasi yan ng tropa ko so familiar lang, ya

Me: :) but do you know why he's using 2 names?

K.A: hindi ko alam but long story yan

Me: oh okay

K.A: alam ko about fam nya yun

Me: okay po thank you

K.A: alrght

I was uh????? I don't know what's happening? It's messed up I can't understand why and I don't know what to believe. All that's left to do is to talk to Neil. Turns out this K.A is probably a catfish too. What the actual fuck I can't believe it.

OKAY SO YESTERDAY I TALKED TO THE REAL PICTURE OWNER, NEIL

I asked him if he knew who handles the account, he told me many people had been asking him about the other account and he said that he only owns one account and he was blocked from that Onin and he told me to not believe anything easily. He doesn't know who is the person behind this poser catfish account.

That was the very first time I really had to talk to him, for 5 YEARS I thought he already knew me, I thought he knew about my feelings for him but no, we just talked YESTERDAY, it was our first time talking EVER. He met me just yesterday (well online, i mean he saw my name on my account or whatever but I know he won't remember me this time anyway)

So I sent a DM to this catfish and I told him

I've known Onin Gonzales for 5 years, turns out he isn't even real. I can't believe it.

Please stop using other people's pictures and please stop pretending to be someone you're not, it's not good for the person you stole from and also not good for other people like me. Also ofcourse not good for you bc ur hiding from someone ur not.

I was wrecked dude. I didn't really fell in love with this person I just appreciated how MATURE our fling thing was lol what the fuck. I would always tell him that I understand if we don't talk like all the time I was like "dude it's okay you have a life and so do I, I'm busy studying and you're busy working and that's fine, I'm not this 16 year old anymore who gets mad if my boyfriend doesn't reply within a minute and then we're gonna fight or whatever"

It was also weird bc he was the one trying to flirt with me I mean it's fine yeah but I can't believe it's possible you know. Ofc to people who knows me, I got trust issues, like I tried not be annoying to this catfish one but I always ask him about himself.

P.S. to whoever the person handling that catfish account. Thanks for making me believe that the person I admired for 5 years knew what I felt about him. How I like him very much and how cute he was like all the time. He never knew that and he never knew me. Fuck ouch lol okay. Thanks for tuning in on my ted talk! Also Happy birthday to me! (Well tomorrow is my birthday okay whatever)

And that's how the story end, tragic right? I still admire the real person who owns the pictures, I still have a crush on him but I think it's time to stop bc he's not going to fall in love with me or whatever, we are not even gonna be friends. Fuck I'm so sad about this. 2020 really? For fuck sake? Thanks a lot!

Okay.

The end.