#when i watched this i knew nothing about kpop or kdramas

[sivvan]

@userdramas event 03: beginnings – my first Asian drama

↳ Hana Yori Dango (2005)

[someone-who-loves-kpop-saranghae]

✧⁠*⁠。Zombies and revenge

okay I am absolutely not sure about the title but I am not good at finding good titles... Hpoe you enjoy and feel free to request something or ask me smthg <3

Pairing : Jungwon x Jungkook x Felix x Reader

Genres : Tickle, Fluff, Ticklefluff, KPop, Idols

Lees: Reader, Jungkook Lers: Jungwon, Felix, Jungkook

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

You, Jungwon, Felix and Jungkook were watching a Horror Movie. It was absolutely NOT your favourite genre. But your best friends looked at you so sweetly that you only could say yes. Big mistake. Now you were lying on your bed because you did not wanted to watch the movie anymore and went into your room to get some sleep. But you were thinking nonstop about these Zombies… For hours now because you were not able to close even one eye without seeing those creatures in your head. You knew it was only a movie and nothing about it was real but you still not stopped remembering it…

When you finally dozed off you heard two guys scream loudly and girly. You woke up again and were all angry that your friends won't let you sleep at all as someone opened the door, sneaked in and closed it quickly. Then you heard Jungkook whispering "ahh Y/n hide me please I'm gonna die if not". You sighed and he ran over to your bed and hid under the blanket. You pulled him closer to you so you were able to hide him whit your body covering him. You two were quiet like you were dead and he wasn't moving at all.

" Jeon JUNGKOOK COME HERE AND TAKE YOUR PUNISHMENT YOU DAMN DEVIL - HYUNG!!!" Felix yelled from outside and Jungkook chuckled under your blanket. Someone knocked at your door and you two were quiet again. "Oh come on we know you are inside Kookie" Jungwon said teasing and opened the door. You closed your eyes and acted as you were sleeping. Jungkook also neither moved nor made a single sound

Jungwon and Felix walked inside your room and stopped behind you, facing your bed. "Aw look at them Lixie, both hiding from us without success. Cute, aren't they? " Jungwon whispered. "Yeah you're right but they won't escape from their punishment, am I right? Y/n will get her own for hiding this little devil…" "Yeah you're right but she seemed like she had a hard day so let's not do it today and let them sleep since they are so cute together" Jungwon said and Felix mumbled a "yes you're right this poor girl deserves some sleep" . They both walked out your room but of course not without Felix poking your ribs through the blanket that was covering you and Jungkook. You managed to not make a sound but your held in your breathe to not giggle.

As soon as the two boys leaved, you poke Jungkook. " What the HELL was that!? What did you do?!" You asked angrily because you were scared what they will do to you two. He chuckled quietly quietly and looked at you. " I scared them with a zombie mask while they were watching the movie, being to scared to even move because the zombies were that ugly" He laughed and seemed so proud that you could not help but laugh too. He seemed even more happy since you laughed too and you looked at his bunny smile in awe. "Can I sleep in your room tonight? I want to sleep too and I think they won't let me since they think I deserve a punishment…" He looked at you showing his adorable bunny smile and you nodded and fell down to your pillow again. It was good for you too because he will hold the zombies away from your thoughts. So you two cuddled together on your bed and you fell asleep soon.

The next day you did not think about the last evening and wake up late in the morning, covered by Jungkooks arms. You two were cuddling until the other two made breakfast and told you to come down and eat. You and Jungkook did not think something bad about it and went down for breakfast. Felix and Jungwon were as kind as usual and they did nothing to you the whole day. In the evening you all ate dinner and watches a few Episodes of the KDrama True Beauty. (A/N this kdrama is SOO good it's one of my favourites, I love the story and the actors ^^ <3 )

As you went up, you got ready and laid down down on your bed with a book on your lap and headphones in your ears, playing your favourite music. You relaxed a few minutes as you hear someone shouting " Oh no you're NOT going anywhere AGAIN Jungkook". You recognuzed Felix voice and took off your headphones just to hear Jungkook begging Felix and Jungwon to let him go. Your eyes widened as he started giggling and soon laighing loudly. You tried to ignore it but unfortunately the walls in the house were not that soundproof and you even heard it through your headphones. You heard Jungkook begging for mercy and even begging YOU to help him. But you also knew that you won't be able to concentrate so you put your book away and started looking around searching for a place to hide yourself.

Jungkooks laughter got weaker and you flinched and ran to your armchair that was standing in a Corner of your room. You pulled it away, sat behind, curling yourself to a small ball of yourself and pulled the armchair in front of you so that nobody would see you. Jungkook was not laughting anymore and you heard nothing. Right, there was absolutely nothing but SILENCE in the whole house. And that was so damn scary… Out of all sudden your door was opened and you heard someone coming in. You started trembling. The little you in the corner behind your armchair was SO scared.

So you were hiding in that tiny space behind the armchair when Felix started to tease you in his deep voice because he knew you couldn't stand it. His voice was actually deeper than ten oceans together. "Ohh come here Jagi we won't hurt youuu ~ You'll just get what you deserve for helping Jungkookieeee ~ " He said and you even trembled more, hoping the armchair won't shake with you… Avatar "Anddddd for NOT helping me baby… You'll get to know how it feels " Jungkook said and your eyes even widened more, of that is possible in any way. You heard steps coming near you and you heard Jungwons heartmelting chuckles. Then you realized that he was near you. Too near… You carefully looked up just to look in Jungeons cute face that was actually only a few centimetres away from yours. You knew you were dead and closed your eyes leaning your head against the wall next to you.

"Found her" Jungwon told the others happily. He pulled the armchair away and lifted you up in his strong arms. He went to your bed and placed you there. You whined and begged for mercy. Well, those boys were mercyless AND bored. Poor you…

But one last thing was on your mind. " I have to go pee" you said and blushed extremely. The three looked at each other and started laughing. " Nice try Jagi but there is no escape " Felix told you in his special voice and you blushed even more. " I'm telling the truth pleasee lemme go, at least to the toilet " you begged. Jungwon chuckled again and agreed, bit he would come with you and wait by the door outside the bathroom. You agreed and went to the toilet, doing every step extremely slow to enjoy the time you were still alive. When you finally were done in the bathroom, you stopped in front of the door, waiting for something. You could not tell for what but well … You suddenly opened the door, what startled Jungwon and you started to run. But guess what, he picked you up while you were not even running for ten seconds. You begged him to let you go but he just laughed at you and placed you back on your bed.

"Aww I see she tried ro escape! Cuuuuteeee Y/n …" Jungkook smirked. He managed to pin your arms above your head and you felt kinda excitement in your stomach. However you were trashing around like a maniac and it didn't even start. The boys couldn't help but smile at you in awe but also mischievously.

After you were exhausted from only trashing around without them doing anything, you finally stopped fighting back as Jungwon took place at you thighs and smiled at you. Even in that position he was rhe cutest boy you have ever seen… He placed a single finger on your tummy and you let out a tiny shriek. His smile turned into a mischievous but still cute smirk as he sees you blushing because of your embarassing reaction. You closed eyes to not see him and not blush more but that was a mistake…

As soon as you closed your eyes je started spidering all over your tummy. You tried to hold in your laugher but you were surprising sensitive. But how could you know? You started giggling uncontrollable "nahahahahahahahha juhuhuhuuhuhuhuhungwohohohoohn plehahahahhahasehehe nohohhooohoho" "please whahahat? more?" he said, giggling with you. "nohoohho" yoi tried to answer bit he didn't mind and started spidering over your sides and ribs too. "nahahahaAHHAHAHAHA PLEASEEEEEEEE jungWOOOOHHOHOHOHN NOHOHOOHO" you shrieked and laughed. "Ahh I see the ribs, am I right cutie?" He looked so happy that you wanted to cry if he weren't torturing you. "YahahahahHAHAHAHAS NAHAHAHAA WOHOHOHOOHNIEEE" "what do you mean? Yes or no? Tell meeeeee~" he pouted and poked your ribs like there were no tomorrow.

"ahahhahaHAHAHHA YAHAHAHAHAS GAHHHAHAHA" "what yes cutie? Does it mean YES tickle me? YES finally he does this to me? YES i like it? oof so many possibilitys…" You never expected Jungwon would be THAT teasing… But you couldn't stand it anyway, you felt EVERY cell of your face burning. "Aww you're so cute little one" he started scribling your armpits and you tried to push him off. It was not like you wanted him to stop but it was your humanity instinct. However he was too strong for you and just continued, looking down at you with an adorable cute look. Even more cute than usual if that is even possible…

"Ohh Y/nieee don't buck it makes it even worseeee~" he chuckled. Then he dug his thumbs in your hips softly and unexpected, making you scream with that move. "NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JUNGWOOOOOOOOHOHOHOHOHN" he stopped and looked at you surprised. They all were looking very surprised. And even you were surprised. You did not expect you're THAT sensitive.

He continued, looking at your face in awe. Then he finally stopped, only to turn around and start squeezing your tighs and knees, what made you go crazy… He continued and continued until he seemed bored and crawled down to your feet. "nohohho nooooo nohoho please not jungwohoohohn NOOHAHAHAHAHAHA NAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAA" your speech turned into a scream and crazy laaughter again as took your feet in a headlock and started scribling all over your hypersensitive soles. "GAHAHHAHAHA NAHAHAHAHAH WHAHAHAHANIEEEHEHEHE NAHAHAHAHA MAHAHAHAHARCYHHHIHIHIHAHAHAHAHHA" you managed to say before you fell into silent laugher, Jungwon driving you crazy. When he did not hear a sound from you anymore, he finally stopped and looked proud. Very, very proud…

"You seemed like it was fun to you Jagi" Jungwon smiled and Jungkook finally set your arms free. You put them down and rolled in a small ball of yourself again, trying to catch your breathe and calm down. Felix gave you a bottle of water and you drank a bit. Jungeon placed himself next to Felix, who stood up and took place at your tighs now. And of course Jungkook grabbed your wrists again and pinned then once again above your head…

Your eyes widened and they would fell off your head if you had not closed them as soon as Felix started squeezing your sides fastly, deeply and mercylessly… "We're not done with you yet, Y/nahh" he taesed with his unique voice, making you scream even more. You felt your femace burning while you were laughing and screaming again… " NAHAAHAHAHHA FEHEHEHEHHELIHIHIIHIHX NAHAHAHAHAHHAHA" "YES" he answered innocent, knewing he made it even worse…

Then he started to count your ribs slowly and evily. "Ohhh let's Count your ribs sunshine, Jungkook missed none I know it now but you seem to miss one…" "oneeeeeee~" he poked and scribled all over your first rib and then did the same to your second, third, fourth….. " fiveeeeeee, siiiiiiiix, seeeeveeeeen, eeeeeight, nineeeeee, teeeeeeeen, elevennnnnn, …" You weren't able to listen anymore because it tickled like hell and his voice wasn't helpfull at all… As he stopped you tried to catch your breathe again but NO! Of course he wouldn't let you.

Felix immediately started squeezing your hollows mercylessly. "NAHAHAHHAHAHA FEHEHEHHELIHIHIIHIHIX NAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA" "Yahahas Sunshine" You wanted to melt at the sound of his voice but you were unable to take make any thought. Then he finally were done with your hollows and his hands wanderes down to your hips. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO" you screamed but the only answer you got was "yeeeees" and three boys smirkimg at you. And then …guess what… he started to squeeze and dig his thumbs in your hips like CRAZY. He was moving faster than the speed of light and you… " NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAA NAHAAHHAH FEHEHEHEHEHEHLIIHIIIHIHIHIHIIHIX NAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH MAHAHHAHAHAHRCAHAHAHHAHAHAHA PLEAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHSAHAAHHAHA AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA" Well, how expected he did NOT stop and continued till you were out of breathe and your laugter went silent.

Finally, Felix showed mercy on you and sat next to Jungkook now, who set your arms free and gave you the bottle of water again. You found it exhausting to even lift your arms and drink, but you managed to do it. While you were prepairing yourself to what comes next. Of course Jungkook wouldn't let you go that easily.

He gave you two minutes to catch your breath. Then Felix pinned your arms down and Jungkook sat on your tighs. Actually you feared the look he gave you because on the one side you fell for his eyes and on the other side you knew what his smirk meant. And the "Ohhh Jagi this is for knowing I was tortured but not helping me" did NOT help at all. He just started squeezing your sides rougher that Felix, digging his thumbs into your sensitive sides faster that the speed of light. "NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA JAHAHAHAHAHAHHHANKAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAK NAHAAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH" "yes little one, don't xou think you deserve this?" "NAHAHAHHAHAH AHAHAHAHHAHA DAHAHAHAHHANT AHAHAHAHHAHA" "Oh yes you do"

He leaned down, bringing his face near to your ribs while he was still squeezing your sides mercylessly. Then…he started nibbling your ribs… Tears started rolling down your cheeks again and you screamed for mercy, begging the evil bunny to stop. But guess what, he also didn't. He wanted revenge. And the punishment he gave you tickled like hell. So he just continued makimg you scream. "NAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA JAHAHHAHAHHANKAHAHHAHAHHAHAAK MAHAHAHAHHAHRCAHAHAHAHAHHAH PLEAHAHAHHAHASEHAHAHAHA " then he suddenly moved his hands down to your hips. This was the worst thing he could have done. You screamed loudly. VERY loudly. "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA" But he didn't stop. Surprisee~ And it was not like you wanted him to stop, you just couldn't take it. Seemed like you were ticklish…. (Ahem) After a few minutes of you screaming your soul out you fell into silent laugher and he didn't stop al all. After two more minutes he finally, FINALLY stopped.

"Sorry cutie, did I go too far?" You just shook your head,trying to catch your breath. Felix set your arms free and Jungkook pulled you in his lap, rubbing all over your body to help you making the ghost tickles go away. As he realized that you were to exhausted to even move , he lied down placimg you on top of him, cuddling with you and the two other boys layed next to you two amd it turned into a gang cuddle.

Fifteen minutes later you were able to speak again and the boys looked at you a bit worried. "We are so sorry sunshine, did we go too far?" Felix asked in his normal voice. You shook your head snd smiled at all of them. They alls miled back, a bit insecure. "No, it's allright. It was extremely exhausting bit you know what? I needed that. I haven't been … tickled … for like seven years now and I forgot how it feels…" You blushed as you sayd the t-word and they all chuckled. "well, I guess we have to do.it more often them, am I right guys?" Jungkook smirked and your eyes widened. The other two laughed in amusement and the rest of the evening and the night you four best friends were cuddling and sleeping together. Once again, they remembered you why you love them so much.

Thank you for reading, it is actually based on a dream I had… 😅

And sorry for grammar or spelling mistakes, english is not my first language.

[absolutebl]

Hi, absolutebl.......Do you mind if I ask you some random thing? I used to love shoujo/josei manga and het romance kdrama equally....But ever since I found BL manga 3 years ago, my interest in shoujo and het romance decrese a lot, and what I search for is just the dynamic between mc (male) and male lead...I don't want to read or watch mc (female) and male lead or mc (male) and female lead...

What do you think happen to me? (Sorry for this weird ask)

Really love your blog....Thank you so much, for sharing your BL analyses, reviews and recs. I learn a lot from you. Some of my fav BL series, I found them from you.....Thanks.....

Do you mind if I ask again for BL recs? Because I know here are users that did not want to receive different asks from the same person.....

Also, have you watched dmbj or read orv? Both series based on a novels that have very strong bromance vibe.....

Do you know that sotus, manner of death and 2together are adapted into manga? Before I found your blog, BL that I read are from manga and manhwa, and I was surprised when I knew that the series above are from thai drama (I know the manga first, sorry).....

Last ask, what do you think about BL or GL that make it better than het romance? Do you feel that too?

Sorry for this very long ask, if you mind, I will not ask again......Hope you have a wonderful day.....

Honestly I don't know. But I can say it happened to me with manga a very long time ago. I switched from reading bodice rippers to yaoi and pretty much stopped reading anything het romance after that. (I still read scifi & fantasy that's not primarily romance, although not as much as I once did.)

Fortunately for me, the M/M self publishing revolution, and then BL, came along.

That said, I did pick up Kdramas (via Kpop), and they are now the only het I watch.

I've gone through phases where yaoi or m/m or BL was ALL I was consuming for a couple years. And then just stopped. Stared reading more widely for a while. (I'm making the comparison with books because I have never had the opportunity to do this level of obsession with cinema before, there has never before been enough on screen queer romances for me to just watch those and nothing else until 2020. Now there is.

Honestly, I don't know why this happened or me, or anyone else.

To understand why we like a thing, let alone obsesses or fixate on a thing, is so complex. Maybe it's because I come out of kink but I've learned to just go with the fetish... as it were.

It's like trying to understand why you like a particular dish, song, fashion, color, painting, architecture, even a plant or animal. I mean we can come up with explanations, flavor profiles, childhood formation of taste, family backgrounds, and so forth. Or academic analysis to do with disenfranchisement and the psychological appeal of narrative and beauty.

But sometimes often we like a thing because we like a thing.

I know, for humans, the "why" is our most powerful question. (Marketing also knows this, incidentally.) One of the reasons we tell stories AT ALL (to ourselves, to others, around a campfire in ancient times) is our search for the eternal why. It gave us mythology. It gave us religion.

But sometimes, especially with art, I feel like it's better just to dwell in wonder and grey spaces. The awe and the enjoyment itself, without understanding, it part of the experience.

Worship at the church of BL? Is that what this is? Maybe?

Some kinda thoughts anyway?

Generally these narratives provide a sense of comfort. Perhaps our love is something to do with characters who normally struggle (and usually are marginalized, tortured, killed and/or miserable) getting their happy evers? Perhaps it's because it's pure fantasy in terms of relationship. (I think for a lot of straight women there is something profoundly alluring in a gay relationship that they had/have no chance of every experiencing or being part of, the otherness itself is part of the appeal.) Perhaps its the lack, we never before had enough content to get obsessed over it to this level. (Let's not talk about the number of times I rewatched Latter Days after I got it on DVD, okay?)

I mean it's worth putting yourself through a thought experiment. Write down a list of ten things you like about BL that make it differnet from other kinds of media.

But you may find it's just like "why do I eat at Wendy's instead of Burger King?"

Because I like it better. They do the thing I like. (Spicy chicken sandwitch, FYI).

Perhaps it's something more profound, a kind of narrative sexual identity. It's the thing you desire. Then again, I'm pretty fluid in my desires, so I am comfortable with the idea of being attracted to different people at different points in my life. Just like being into different kinds of media at different times in my life.

I wouldn't worry about it if I were you, so long as:

It's not to addition level (damaging your emotional/financial well being)

You're comfortable with the notion that your tastes may change again

Other Questions

Do you mind if I ask again for BL recs? Because I know here are users that did not want to receive different asks from the same person.....

I am always happy to give out BL recs! The more specific the better. I consider it my primary service to humanity, at this juncture.

Also, no offense but I get so many asks from so many people I rarely remember who's asked me stuff before. Unless you have a very notable icon or style of writing, or interact with me regularly in comments & DMs. My memory is CRAPTASTIC. And I run multiple social media accounts several of which have much higher volume interactions than this one. It's not you it's the law of Dunbar's number. The human brain only really has the capacity for 150 social connections. And frankly, I don't know if I can manage even that many anymore.

Also, have you watched dmbj or read orv? Both series based on a novels that have very strong bromance vibe…..

Nope. I don't watch bromances if I can help it. Too much actual kissing these days to distract me, and I am one of those who wants some kissing for my queers.

Do you know that sotus, manner of death and 2together are adapted into manga? Before I found your blog, BL that I read are from manga and manhwa, and I was surprised when I knew that the series above are from thai drama (I know the manga first, sorry)…..

Yes and Yen Press picked up SOTUS for the USA print market. I'm hope to read that someday. I haven't tried MoD or 2g. I tend not to read reverse adaptations in general, not sure why. Also, I went off manga when it went primarily online. Never even experienced the manwha revolution. I'm old school enough to not enjoy graphic media scrolling. I miss turning pages "backwards" and getting amused my misstranslations.

Last ask, what do you think about BL or GL that make it better than het romance? Do you feel that too?

I don't like a value judgement like "better" on pop culture. I would just say "I personally enjoy it more" so I guess "better for me" would be how I might put it?

In my case? I think it's primarily that I spend so much of my life with little to no queer romance in it. And I mean modern romance all sappy and happy and cheesy and safe. It's just pure joy to have it available to me in such volume on my screen with such pretty trappings, flawed as it may be.

But also.

I just like it.

[btstulip]

This is so fun! 💜💜💜

Tell me when Jikook as a duo first caught your eye?

So my journey to BTS was through social media algorithms. They knew I like Kdramas and started showing me cute clips of the boys together identifying that I might also be interested in BTS. Yay for the algorithm bring BTS into my life! But as soon as social media noticed I was paying attention to these clips, I started getting more and more BTS stuff and a bunch were Taekook and shipping videos. So what started as "look at how cute these guys are, they are family 💜" quickly turned into "wait.... are some of these guys dating?"

I knew nothing about Kpop or shipping, but I was curious about these videos that kept popping up and wanted to know if Tae and Jungkook were actually together, so I started researching. I had watched a couple videos with "evidence", but I know how easily things can be misrepresented, so it didn't take long before I had moved onto watching the original videos. My first, "what the hell?" Jimin & Jungkook moment was Jungkook's Lie live in 2017.

I looked it up because the Taekook video I had seen talked about the "private conversation" Tae wanted to have with Jungkook. But instead of seeing Tae and Jungkook being suggestive, I saw this:

👆Originally posted by hopesunkissed

"Wait? That felt like flirting. Isn't he supposed to like the other guy???"

This was not what made me believe Jimin and Jungkook were actually together, but it was the first time I noticed the chemistry/tension between them.

I did a lot of research into BTS, the members, their bonds, fanservice, and Kpop/shipping culture before I actually believed Jungkook and Jimin were together. Luckily, I stumbled onto Stormblessed's blog early in this process and it was a huge part of understanding more about all of that. @stormblessed95 even have a post about that specific live.

Thanks for the super fun ask @stormblessed95! I can't wait to read everyone else's responses!

Hey! Hi! A request because I'm in a mood to be nostalgic about moments. And I have a theory that most of peoples answers will generally be fairly similar. But please entertain me while I do some edits and finishing touches on my AYS EP 3 post.

Tell me when Jikook as a duo first caught your eye?

In any capacity or whatever opinions it might've given you about them.

Thank you!

[mysmorgasbordoffantabulosa]

Why everbody is so sure that Taekook is real?

In my opinion taekook ia all about fanservice I ship them BUT also I put them in there right place "Fanservice" they are great entertainers.

remember when young taehyung said he love to do romantic situational skits alot with jungkook sometimes they looked at each other eyes and pretend they fall in love or when they were eating and their eyes met and suddenly they fall in love , he said he like acting and jungkook was the only one who agrees to act with him also jungkook agreed and said that tae like to made situational skits and he himself liked it too.

For me they're still acting they're very good actors it's one of this skits in different situations.Even this moments off cam they knew that they were being filmed. At harry styles concert they knew that fans are recording. in one of the videos tae tells a fan to focus on Harry and not him.

Atomix dinner the restaurant co founder wrote bts in house not only Taekook she wrote in mentions taekook cause maybe it was a private meeting and only taekook announced they were there -like Las Vegas dinner JHope was there and they didn't post his pic nor he did -I think Jhope comment it is scripted,everything in kpop is scripted.

Las vegas dinner Jhope and someone else was with them but they didn't post there photos cause this helps their fanservice more.

Couple accessories and outfits appears only at events when stylists choose thier outfits and accessories not thier personal stuff.Taehyung wore friendship ring with wooga squad Jngkook has friendship tattoo with 97liners but nothing with each other.

Every concert and every show they knew there were fans recording and knew about fan cams so I don't  consider it an off cam moment

no sighting no restaurants mentions they were there. no appearance at events together outside work.all sighting for jungkook only with his 79liners friends and taehyung the same he goes to all the events only with his friends there's no mutual friends outside the group. I know couple don't always stuck together 24 hours but isn't it weird they didn't show up anywhere outside group events? Even when taehyung went to hawaii he was with J Hope and their families..And I see everyone say they're so loud but they're only loud inside group activities not in personal.

If we foucs on any other two members we will find alot of suspicious moments and looks real more than Taekook. Like jhope and v vacation.

And boys said alot their stage persona is so different from their real one.

Teajin , namkook , vhope , jinkook , yoonkook , taegi , namjin , taejoon , jikook ,vmin , yoomin. All somehow looks real and honestly all of this is not bad for me I personaly like it it's more like watching some kdrama.

So what makes people think taekook is different? Even some people are completely convinced that they are married?

First of all, thank you for the three questions and the additional 11 paragraphs where you call the members liars, that are acting to pretend that Taekook are in a relationship, that there are more real ships in BTS than Taekook and then a load of other waffle trying to discredit Taekookers all under the guise of asking on the face of it perfectly reasonable questions of Taekooker, possibly to start an argument because that's how it feels.

But as for your questions...

Why everybody is so sure that Taekook is real? Well according to you they're not so I doubt I could change your mind.

So, what makes people think taekook is different? You obviously don't care otherwise you wouldn't have basically created a list to entice me to try and discredit it all.

Even some people are completely convinced that they are married?

If you genuinely wanted to know my thoughts or opinions on the matter, you could have taken the time to actually read my blog or at least sent me a less passive aggressive ask...

And that is why you got this response back!

[shra-vasti]

So I'm an Indian carat so I guess I am rightful to have a say in the current matter going on inside the fandom of "Wonwoo being racist along with Vernon and Dk in the past".

I saw all of the post about Wonwoo's doings first before watching the gose episode and after searching about the song I cringed and felt bad and humiliated.

We haven't heard from pledis about this matter and I'm not talking in their favor but I'm sure they will take responsibility for their actions.

To the Indian carats who are assuming he is educated enough and still decided to make fun of our food, it's all in your opinion and nothing has been confirmed of him knowing everything about what offend us and what not.

To the people assuming he won't take responsibility of his action, give him time to properly think about the matter and react properly to it. If he would have given an apology right after still some of us may have accused him for doing it half heartedly.

Let him learn through his mistake and let the other members learn too. There's always a room for improvement. Let's see if he improves after his initial mistake and if you think he isn't going to change then you are free to leave the fandom.

I just think, with no offence, that many of us are really letting the humiliation take a toll on us and not think straight.

If you are an Indian carat you know too and I'm 100% sure that before you knew about kpop or kdrama in general you at some point thought of Koreans as chowmin or Chinese too. But that wasn't because you wanted to be racial but because everyone around you make that racial thing so casual that you thought nothing of it.

Idols are humans, we are humans. Humans make mistake and if they learn from it, they don't deserve the hate. Let's give him a chance. It isn't like he is notorious for always passing racial comments or make fun of different races.

Give him time to react and take responsibility like an adult and if he doesn't give a flying fuck of this matter then you can decide what you want to do with seventeen. Let's not jump into conclusions when there's uncertainty in every single thing.

We are carats, we are know to be wise. Let's not forget that. Let's give him some time to react and learn and educate him.

Just because he did one terribly wrong thing doesn't mean you will forget all of the good things he did in general throughout his life with seventeen. We have sent emails and I'm sure pledis will take some action about it along with wonwoo.

He is an idol and an influencer. I'm sure he won't be ignorant and learn from this. All I wanted to say was that let's give him sometime to give an apology letter and educate himself instead of opting to curse at him and leaving the fandom which you once adored the most.

I really hope I didn't offend anyone with this post. I just wanted to put my views in front and also what I feel as an Indian carat.

I'm not saying what he did was right and I don't support him in this matter if it was intentional but it's wrong from our side to jump into conclusions like that.

It was just my opinion, just like you have yours so let's not bash each other.

Thankyou.

[hoe-for-yukhei]

Clean Freak Idol BF taeyong — Soloist [fem] reader

Everybody knows the tea between 10th floor and 5th floor.

Then there's Taeyong.

"We are here because we want to talk about the most awaited collaboration of the most iconic ship in the kpop industry, before we talk about your new mini album 'NO HISTORY' let me ask you guys a question first. The whole world knew you two used to date, isn't it awkward to work with each other?"

Man, what is this girl saying?

Taeyong and I stared at each other and laughed.

"Hahahahaha what are you guys laughing about? hahahaha"

The audacity to ask us.

Before inviting guests into your show, please dig some information about them.

"No hahaha sorry it's just so funny. Such a ridiculous question."

Taeyong stopped you for saying anything blunt, you have this image that you're straightforward and blunt, and to others they see it as rude.

You're not doing it for clout or to be savage wannabe, that's just who you are.

"No, we didn't broke up, we just lived apart. We moved out of our dorms and shared an apartment. But we didn't take it well so we moved back in."

Really taeyong? We didn't BROKE UP? interesting..

"Why? What didn't work out for the two of you?"

Oh let me tell you the story.

"Taeyong what are you doing? Stop covering your face! smile!"

"Eh-Andwae! I just woke up!"

What is he talking about?

Bare faced Taeyong is art.

Everyone who gets to see him fresh out of bed is so blessed, this would add 10,000,000+ on your lifespan.

"Oppa you stopped eating, Isn't the dish good?"

"Yes it's good! You should try that side dish too! I was just thinking about something."

Here we go again.

Taeyong is zoning out lately, I thought he's worrying about the NCT comeback, yearbook and all but turns out he isn't.

"What is it? Tell me hmm?"

"I was thinking, since we're already dating for 5 years why won't we live together already? I mean we're already in the right age and all."

Hmm I haven't thought about that.

"Why? Aren't you happy here with the members? And besides you have the whole room to yourself it's just like having your own house. Why need one?"

"Of course I'm happy. We grew up together and I treat them as biological brothers.. it's not about them. I want to start a life with you.. but if you don't want to then fine with me.."

"What do you mean I don't want to? I would love to move in with you. But heads up honey I'm a living mess. It will drive you nuts clean freak."

Everyone knows he's a clean freak. Aesthetic, spotless, and organized. He can't stand dirt. He's the type of guy who always bathe unlike jungwoo, the guy who would always wear gloves when handling food and dishes unlike jaehyun and yuta who uhh never you know what,he has sheets on his bed (and it's white as fuck no creases and lints jaehyun has been slapped hard),the guy who gets cranky when his clothes are not handled right so he ends up doing laundry everyday, he's also the guy who praises febreeze. Febreeze is his life,addiction,religion and many more.

Yes he loves febreeze more than me.

2 years went by like a bliss. Everything's good.

Actually too good.

We spent happy days together loving each other more as time passes by until he can't take it all anymore.

He knelt to the ground and pulled a ring and said 

"Marry me y/n."

"T-taeyong.."

"I know I know.. but please hear me out. y/n we spent 7 years together full of love,laughs,and cries. I know you're finally going to have your debut next week and can't be seen in a relationship for like 2 years, but I can't take it anymore I don't want to lose you..this industry is fucked up y/n.Just please promise me you'll hold on to me.. to us.."

"Of course. You're my rod in this dark world without you I'll be lost. I'll forever hold on you. But you sure this isn't an engagement ring?"

"*sighs; you know it's not. I really want to but I already know the answer after I proposed for you like 3 times already. You're not yet ready.. but I'll wait."

"I'm sorry taeyong–"

"No don't say sorry I understand"

You were both in the right age but still young to marry.. and both of your careers are not helping.

NCT PROJECT again. You're happy for Taeyong, he really likes it whenever the whole 23 of them perform together.

But also pitied him.

"What is wrong with you two?! I expected better than this. You better composed some good ones or I'll give back the job to  composers."

"No sir, I really want to participate again in composing I can give you a better one—"

"Then do it. I want it done by next week. I only let you boys play composer and lyricist again because the crowd wants to. You get me Johnny? Taeyong?"

It's the 6th time this week. You always pass by the room because it's in the same way of the recording studio. He was getting yelled at again.

And again.

And again. 

Taeyong's been stressed for the whole 2months. Johnny and he were told they could participate in producing the album.

At last they can express themselves.

Johnny really wants to write songs but never given the opportunity to. So Johnny and he are working hard. Knowing SM they're controlling as ever this means it's a one and only lifetime opportunity. 

His dog died. His best friend and buddy.

The warm condolences of his fans comforted him. He's thankful to have them.

Y/n's first ever single is coming out. You have been pretty busy too. Recordings, photoshoots,MV filming etc. And SM and fans are breathing down your neck everytime you move.

Some anti spread fake rumors about you. Usually you'll ignore it but right now is different. Being new to this industry brought pressure to you and you don't know what to do but just cry..

You saw a cat. You always love cats, they calm you down. It gives comfort to you. You decided to bring it home to your shared space with taeyong.

You did him a favor and put a little spice in his composition then while drinking your hot chocolate you were called by your mother leaving the cat,the chocolate and the house you hurried to the hospital.

Stressed ate taeyong. He's frustrated at the moment he wants to shout and cry his heart out.

The 8th song they made just got rejected. again.

It's the last draw and they can't participate in writing on the album anymore. Mark, xiaojun and taeil got injured while practicing,the new choreographer is a dick. A stubborn stylist doesn't follow anyone's instruction causing jaehyun to be called out because of his hair and the management wants them to do nothing. Some anti is making fun of his dog's death and a sasaeng is following him right now.

The house is where he rests,it's his favorite place .

But now it isn't.

The house is a fucking mess.

Dishes on sink

Furs on sofas and floor

Chocolate drink spilled on the carpeted floor of his work space.

The computer is on

Somebody touched his music

The air smelled like a stray dog or cat

Shits on his pile of clothes and a cat is napping on the end of the bed.

Lee. Taeyong. Mad.

He's angry asf.

"Oh hey taeyong you are home?? How was your da-"

"What is that?"

"A cat?"

"and that?"

"My drink.."

"That?"

"Dishe–okay what is your point?"

"Nothing.  Just you being a pig."

"Wh-what?.."

"You're disgusting. Be ashamed of yourself y/n can't believe a woman doesn't know how to take care of a house."

"What's wrong with you?! That's so sexist!"

"What's wrong with me?! Your stupid new cat shitted on my clothes! The house is shit! Everything's shit! Even you! You messed up my song!"

"Taeyong calm down there was an emergency and about your song i-"

"shut up y/n! I'm tired! The last thing I want to see is a dumpsite! I have to keep up shits at work and I have to keep up with your everyday shits too?! I'm so sick! It looks like the house isn't the only one that needs cleaning. My life too.. I can't believe I put up with a garab6e like you. You should've been taken out a long time ago—"

"The only shit here is you."

You took your new cat and went.

Your grandmother died. That's the emergency.

It's heartbreaking and with taeyong earlier the last hanging piece of your heart shattered completely.

You went back to your own place, you ask hae-un a friend of yours who's a model under the same entertainment to get all your stuff in your house. 

She came back with seong-hyun his boyfriend carrying boxes and bags.

"Y/n.. take a break..I'm here for you."

"He wants to talk to you y/n. he said he was—"

"SEONG-HYUN!STOP!"

"okay.. I understand. Everything will be fine y/n hae-un and I will never leave you. We'll get through this together just like the old days.."

"Thank-you.."

Hae-un take care of your things at work. You decided to wake up from the slump and change labels,made depression your motivation, you skyrocketed. Soon after many articles about you were made.

“솔로이스트 Y/N L/N은 왜 SM 엔터테인먼트를 떠났을까?”

(Why did Soloist Y/N L/N leave SM entertainment?)

"할머니의 갑작스러운 죽음으로 솔로이스트 Y/N이 망했다. '나는 망연자실했다. 어떻게 해야 할지..' "

(Soloist Y/N went hiatus due to Grandmother's sudden death

"I was devastated. I don't know to do..")

"솔로 퀸 Y/N L/N 7년 동안 NCT 이태용과 데이트 했었다고?!"

(SOLO QUEEN Y/N L/N USED TO DATE NCT LEE TAEYONG FOR 7 YEARS?!)

"엘, 채널, 헤르메스 뉴 앰배서더, 모델 Y/N L/N. 그녀가 어떻게 도망가는지 지켜봐."

(ELLE, Channel, Hermes New ambassador and model Y/N L/N. Watch how she rules the runway)

P-NATION의 솔로퀸 Y/N L/N이 NCT 김도영, 루카스 웡과 함께 메디컬 로맨스 드라마 '더 터치 오브 유어'로 데뷔한다.

(P-NATION's Solo Queen Y/N L/N, will debut as an Actress in a Medical romance Kdrama "The touch of you" with NCT Kim Doyoung and Lucas Wong)

You have so many projects going on. Actually you were not ready for this. At SM you’re only an underrated singer who mostly writes others songs instead of doing yours. What can you do? It’s the higher ups orders.

Haeun recommended PNATION this is where you really felt like you’re an artist and family rather. Of Course you love your sunbaes and colleagues. It's just that SM restricts everyone and they try to shape them into KPOP robots that everyone will buy. 

You love all of your projects well..except one.

"P-NATION의 솔로퀸 Y/N L/N이 전 남자친구 NCT 이태용과 함께 새 미니 앨범 'NO History'를 발매한다!"

(P-NATION's Solo Queen Y/N L/N will release her new album "NO HISTORY" with ex-boyfriend NCT Lee Taeyong!)

Oh great…

You haven't 

Communicated with Taeyong since you left the house.

You actually avoided him.

Taeyong would straight up walk to you when on stage such as Music Bank, Inkigayo, Mama etc. But you always find a way to avoid the guy.

The fans ship you guys after finding out your 7year relationship with him. You were chill with it but you always reminded your fans that you're not together anymore theyy should snap back to reality.

Y/N doesn't like the reality now.

His ex boyfriend is in front of him doing arrangements eating Sweet Potato cubes from Starbucks and guess what.

He's formal and silent asf.

Like you guys didn't date and almost got married.

There were 5 songs in the Mini Album

Ethereal

Seoulite

Letters on the floor

Sunset 

DOUCHEBAG

The title track is Ethereal. You have to dance to that sexy love hoe song. Produced and composed by yours truly.

You just sat on your swivel chair discussing with the other producer while Taeyong wrinkles his forehead seeing the album content.

Track 6. "DOUCHEBAG"

Who The fuck would name their song douchebag?

Taeyong is confused but at the same time a little hope and warm blooms at his heart. Thinking DOUCHEBAG is all about him. Little did he know it's a diss track about MNET.

Don't worry taeyong douchebag may not be about you but most of the songs are.

He's keeping his distance letting you adjust to him..but that doesn't look like it to Y/N.

The audacity of this guy to ignore me. Bitch.

It's noon and you haven't eaten breakfast yet. Taeyong comes to your side to invite you to lunch until he is cut off by a high pitch squeal of yours.

" y/n ssi—"

"DOIEEEEEEEEEEEEE~"

"Hahahahahah calm down, you miss me that much?"

"YEAH!"

It's Doyoung.

He knows you have a few modeling projects with doyoung and an ongoing drama but he didn't know you two were this close.

You smooch your face on doyoung's face and smile brightly at him.

Ah he hates it.

"Hahahahahah enough y/n I'm here for hyung. Hyung do you want to go grab lunch?"

"Ani. Doyoung-ah i’m not hungry. Comeback next time."

"I'll come with you oppa."

“YAH!”

Taeyong stood up.

Oppa was the last straw for him. You don’t call anyone oppa.

Let alone smooch your face to someone’s chest.

You’re that brat girl who only warms up at him. 

Only him.

Doyoung and Y/N were surprised by Taeyong’s sudden actions.

Why is he angry? Did you guys do something wrong?

“Taeyong-ssi, gwaenchana? Is there something wrong?”

Taeyong suddenly realized what he did. So foolish of him. Now he looks like an ex-boyfriend who’s jealous of his ex’s friend.

He isn’t like that. He just wants closure with you.

We’ll look into that later.

“‘Y-YAH! What are you guys doing there? I thought we were going to eat?’ that’s what i’m trying to say.”

“Ahhhh~”

You and Doyoung just nodded, you thought you guys did something wrong to upset him hahaha.

Taeyong is literally speaking in small fonts as he says his excuse. As stupid as it sounds. You two believed him. Thank god phew.

You survived your 1 month with Taeyong. And for guys who dated for 7 years you two were awkward as fuck. It’s like the first time all over again. Calling each other with Honorifics and bowing whenever you two meet at the hallways, Just keeping it civil. But you gotta admit it to yourself, you start to warm up again to Taeyong these past few weeks. Dyed his hair black, and has that boyfriend material aura again.

YOU ARE A HUGE SIMP Y/N L/N.

Taeyong is planning something to win you back . He just woke up and realized ‘What if I show her again why she fell for me in the first place?’

He’s doing simple things to get close to you again. Your heart beats fast whenever he comes close.

“Jduigywfwygf Lee Taeyong i swear to god you-”

“I am what?

“You Scared me! Stop doing that! Why are you even here? I won’t record today. I'm going to learn the choreo.”

“Me too.”

“What?”

“What?”

Our Choreographer came and hell he was teaching us some sexy ass moves. I didn’t even know Taeyong was supposed to dance with me too. I suddenly have  flashbacks to Hyuna unnie and E’dawn sunbae’s Cage Dance Performance.

“One, Two, Step, Three, Step, Four”

“Y/N what are you doing? You missed the step.”

“I did?”

“Yes, It’s the 5th time already. Taeyong teach her. I’m going to take a break”

Y/N is very tense. He felt it. Especially whenever you two grind and to that one part where you kneel in front of him.

“You’re stiff and tense right now. How about you take a break?”

“Omg! Finally!”

“You left your body while we're dancing. Something wrong?”

“Nah I just feel Awkward and all. Knowing our history and everything.”

“Why would you?”

“It’s just you know uhmm.. I don’t know how to explain but you get what I mean.”

“Then Let’s be friends again! So it wouldn’t be awkward.”

He’s just waiting for you to open the topic. That’s all it takes to get Taeyong creep back to your heart. You don’t know if befriending your ex is good or what but it’s nice to have him back. It’s like normal. The teasings, hugs, and laughter are back. It’s like when you two were still together minus the label of course.

Since you two were close again why not invite him to your shoot? Besides Doyoung and Winwin are there.

Taeyong internally passed out when you invited him. He’s so happy for you. The dream of you being an actor never left his mind. Now he gets to see it with front-viewed seats, until that scene comes up.

Myeorin’s starts to tear up. He run after Haju and  hugged him behind. “H-haju you don’t have to..” 

The man just kept a blank face but you can see he’s having a hard time letting go.

“Go. I want you to be happy. You love him Myeorin”

“H-haju no! I love you!”

“You know you don’t. You're just stuck in our past memories.”

Haju breaks free from Myeorin’s hug, he cups her face and their foreheads touch each other while sobbing.

“I still want to live in that past. With you haju.”

He stared into Myeorin’s eyes and landed a soft peck at her temple.

“‘The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday.’ The person who taught me doesn't apply it to herself. Pabo. Go, you have  no time left i heard he’s leaving”

Myeorin realizes Haju’s words and runs to chase the one  that she truly loves. “Do Hyejeong you bitch you didn’t tell me you’re leaving”

The Set changes and moves to a different venue.

Myeorin stands outside of Hyejeong’s penthouse sobbing. He erratically rang the bell 30th time already and no one’s answering. 

A Janitor saw Myeorin and confronted her.

“Miss Myeorin! What are you doing there?”

“Ahjussi *sniffs* have you seen Hyejong?”

“Ah! sir Hyejong?  He just left a while ago carrying his personal belongings. Why?”

Myeorin just stared at Mr.Kang and suddenly wailed.

“Ah-Uh M-miss did I do something wrong?”

Myeorin just missed Hyejeong. Knowing him  he wouldn’t come back ever again.

“What are you crying at you brat? You’re causing a scene in my property.”

“Hye-Hyejong!” Upon hearing that cold voice she stood up and faced Hyejeong with swollen, teary eyes, and a dripping nose.

“Sir Hyejong I promised I didn’t make her cry! She just suddenly weeps when I said-”

“It’s okay Mr. Kang I know. No need to clean here anymore. you can rest now. And you brat go inside.”

The two of them went inside. Hyejeong comfortably sat on his aesthetically white L-shaped sofa in front of his Floor to ceiling big windows. While Myeorin stands there dumbfounded.

“I-I thought you’re leaving…”

“Well yeah I am until Professor Shin said I have to cover his surgery tomorrow because his wife is in labor.”

“So you’re not leaving anymore?”

“I still am.”

Confused about Hyejeongs statement, creases were formed at her temples. She extended both of her hands trying to block the huge door. The lad just lowkey snickered at her actions.

“What do you mean?! No! nuh uh you won’t leave this place over my dead body.”

“”Why Won’t I leave?”

“Because I love you.”

Hyejong suddenly stopped sipping his drink and just stared at her with those big bunny-like eyes.

“What?”

“Do Hyejong Saranghae.”

He rose from the chair and met her body.

“You lose.”

“I don't careabout the bet anymoret. I love you.”

Hyejeong's mind left the earth. His lips unconsciously guided him to  Myeorin’s plump, soft, pinkish lips. It tasted like pure heaven.

“CUT!”

Taeyong got startled at the director’s cue. No thoughts, mind empty, just watching his love of his life kissing his best friend. He knew it’s part of their work and he’s proud of the both of them  but a part of him just aches knowing you’re single and doyoung single, you might fall for his kisses that used to be his.

“Y/N! Focus!”

“You okay?”

“Yeah just out of character.”

Y/N didn’t know the kissing scene and suggestive scenes are the ones that they'll be filming today. It’s supposed to be Next week! Now she felt odd knowing Taeyong’s here. She turned to Taeyong’s space, seeing him sending her a death glare while eating sweet potato chews.

“KISSING SCENE TAKE 2”

“KISSING SCENE TAKE 3”

“TAKE 6”

“TAKE 12”

The number of takes irked taeyong. Was he invited here just to suffer? Finally you guys nailed the scene. He thought it’s over yet there’s more to come.

Myeorin and Hyejeong were intoxicated with each other. A peck on the lips results in a very deep passionate one. Hyejong carried her in his arms, not letting go of her tasty lips together and they traveled towards the bedroom.

Taeyong stormed off the set. Right in front of my Sweet potato chews he said.

“Taeyong! Where are you going?”

“Don’t follow me. I’ll go home now.”

“What? why? I brought you here. I thought we were going to have ice cream after this?

“EAT ICE CREAM WITH ‘HYEJONG’ INSTEAD hmp.”

He mimicked her voice. Taeyong tried to look angry. But in Y/N’s eyes he’s a baby pouting.

“H-Hyejong? Who is that?”

“Duh? Doyoung?”

“Why would i eat ice cream with him?”

“Yeah right. Why would you guys eat ice cream if you two can just suck each other’s faces off.”

“OMG HAHAHAHAHA ARE YOU JEALOUS?”

“No! Why would I?”

“Hmm..”

“Fine I am! You said today’s going to be fun. Yeah fun for you you kissed doyoung 17 times.”

You grinned like a mad man  at his accusation even though you’re guilty of it. It’s just so cute you can’t help but to..

 “Why would you do that?! You kissed another guy then you kiss me? Don’t give me false hope Y/N.”

“Okay.. I won’t kiss you anymore. You said it yourself.”

“No, I didn’t mean it like that! It’s just that it’s giving me false hope..”

“About what?”

“About you. About us being together again. So don’t kiss me i you don’t mean i-”

Yeah you kissed your ex. He needs to shut up.

“Do you still love me?

“Of course. I have always been Taeyong.”

Cut the chase and hide and seek. You  won’t deny your feelings anymore. The feeling of missing him, his warmth, and love. You won’t deny it all again.

You two left the Area hand in hand, talking while having a little stroll.

“Hey I have a question?”

“What is it?

“Did you change your perfume?”

“Yeah. It’s Yves Saint Laurent’s  Black Opium”

“I like the old one better.”

“What smell do you love the most? Me or Febreeze? ”

“Definitely Febreeze.”

The sound of your laughs and voices faints as you two went back to the set

"If you were to pick what is your favorite song in this album? And What part of it makes you like it?"

The Interviewer  asks.

You picked up your mic and said

 “Ethereal. I like the pre chorus part the

 i can't wait to see him next

and witness his ethereal glow

he is my darling

and nothing or no one

could ever come between

bonded for life

he is my king. 

It just reminded me of someone. Someone I missed..” The crowd goes wild, they're squealing and most of them are screaming Lee Taeyong!

Taeyong goes shy.. He can’t believe you wrote him that song when he asked you who’s your inspiration you just said ‘my grandma why?’ now he knows.

He Throws you a ‘you’re hiding it from me’ look while you just replied a simple wink.

“Okay, Let’s get back to the unanswered question.. What didn't work out for the two of you?”

You two stared at each other's eyes knowing the answer.

Once again you grabbed your mic and said

“Let’s just say he’s a major clean freak.”

[every1studio]

true feelings series: “selfless” [ateez: yunho]

genre: angst

ficstyle: bulletpoints + oneshot + series [YUNHO] [HONGJOONG]

prompt: a series for feelings that one would experience for the sake of “love”

note: I’ve been binge watching kdramas on netflix so I’m oozing with ideas + enjoy~

sounds of constant thumping at your window caused you to roll out of bed 

you furrowed your brows at the morning light as you pushed opened your curtains and window

you picked up the cup that was attached to a string

at the end of the string was your neighbor, your childhood friend, Jeong Yunho

“yah~ this is childish, why couldn’t you just call me on the phone?!” you whispered loudly through your cup as Yunho listened through his 

it was your turn to listen as Yunho smiled into his cup, “because this is how I always woke you up..”

it was a childhood tradition that you two couldn’t grow out of

you exaggeratedly rolled your eyes as you spoke into the cup, “I’ll see you at the gate in 45 minutes..”

all Yunho does is smiles and waits until you go back into your room before getting ready himself

you two knew everything about each other; from morning routines and go-to outfits 

you threw your hair up in a messy ponytail as you rushed to put on your school uniform 

you took one last look in the mirror to make sure you looked presentable before dashing downstairs to grab a bite of breakfast

your jaws dropped just to see Yunho sharing a bagel with strawberry cream cheese with your dad

“good morning, my little dumpling”

“g’dmorning, my little dumpling” 

your dad and Yunho said in unison

“DON’ CALL ME THAT, IT’S EMBARRASSING!” you groaned as you avoided eye contact with either of them 

“little dumpling matches her so well though, doesn’t it, papa?” Yunho pouted 

your father nods as he strokes his beard, “I agree, son”

you gave them an offended look filled with disgust, “please don’t refer to each other as such.. I feel sick..”

you grabbed Yunho’s bagel and made your way to the door, “bye Mom, bye Dad.. see you when I get home~”

“MY BAGEL!!” Yunho grabs his stuff in a jiffy as he bows to your parents before running after you 

you shove one hand in your pocket as you took a bite of Yunho’s bagel from the other 

Yunho catches up to you with his bike, “gimme back my bagel, lil dumpling, before I bike to school without you!”

you pouted angrily at Yunho, taking one big bite out of the bagel

before Yunho could complain about his bagel, you shoved it in his mouth

you plopped onto the seat behind of his, “hurry up, before we’re late for school..”

and like that, that’s how your typical school routine was with Yunho 

it’s always been like that 

“you go ahead, I need to park my bike..” you smiled and nodded 

just to have your smile falter 

you watched him put away his bike

you saw him bump into a girl

you saw him help her up 

you saw him give her a blushy smile; one you’ve never seen before

before she left he, he gently tugged on her sleeve, before handing her his phone 

he was so smiley

so that’s what Yunho looked like when he he’s falling in love

you didn’t know how to feel

should you be happy?

should you be jealous?

seeing him so happy made you genuinely happy

you just wanted what was best for him 

“hey, lil dumplin’, sorry I kept you waiting-”

“you got her number right?” you gestured your head at her direction 

Yunho ruffled the back of his hair as his ears reddened, “you saw?”

you bit the inside of your cheeks as you pushed yourself to smile for him, “she’s pretty.. from the looks of it, I think she’s interested in you too..”

“really? you think so?” Yunho’s eyes were so glittery; how could you tell him how much he meant to you and how much you loved him in that moment?

you realized that all this time you’ve loved him but if it took you this long to realize it when he’s falling in love with someone else, you shouldn’t even showcase your emotions 

you punched him in the arm, “you better make a move on her fast.. or someone’s going to get to her heart first..”

he gives you a golden retriever-like smile as he puts you in a headlock, “you don’t believe in my charms?!”

“what charms?!” you tapped on his arms to let you go 

like that, you two continued on being just that, childhood friends

“I’ll see you at lunch!” Yunho waves, you nodded as you walked into class

you saw the girl that Yunho fell for 

she came up to you; nervous and fidgety 

“y-you know, Jeong Yunho, right?” her lips trembling as she talked to you

“yup, I’ve known him all my life, what’s up?”

she tucks her hair behind her ears, “um.. are you two dating-”

“nope.. we are not dating.. so don’t worry, just go for him.. he’s a real goofball and he has a heart of gold.. I’ll leave him in your care!” you fought back your tears for him 

you could care less about the girl, you just hope that she’s able to love him as much as he deserved 

you could barely focus on your classwork; all you could do is look at the girl that your childhood friend has in his heart

what did she have that you didn’t?

what was so special about her?

but then you thought, it wasn’t her fault

you came to the conclusion that you were never his type in the first place

that there was no way that someone like Yunho could ever like you more than a childhood friend 

when it was lunchtime, Yunho came to your classroom

he froze when he saw the girl, laughing with her friends as the sun shined on her 

you got out of your seat to give him a nudge, “go eat lunch with her~”

he shot wide-eyes at you, “what about you? who will eat lunch with you?”

you pressed your lips into a fine line, “I’m not hungry- NOW GO~” you shoved him in the girl’s direction

Yunho was barely able to ask her if he could sit next to her; but she pulled a chair up for him 

her friends slowly left as Yunho and the girl’s conversation went passed small talk 

Yunho gave her his mom’s infamous coconut fried shrimps; which were your favorite

Yunho knew they were your favorite; it was the only reason why he’d have it in his lunch everyday 

and now he was sharing it with another girl 

you didn’t think that it would hurt you this badly 

you dashed away from your classroom to cry without anyone seeing you

you thought that no one saw you 

but someone did

Yunho did

“hey.. I’ll be back..” he said to the girl before chasing after you 

you always hid in front of the big cherry blossom tree behind the gym whenever you were upset; it was where you would cry about your poor grades or sulk because your favorite kpop artist didn’t come out with new content 

Yunho knew you’d be there 

he saw you curl up in a ball

“Y/N?”

you pretended like you had something in your eye, “geez they need to make a waterproof mascara so that it doesn’t get in my lenses..”

“you okay?” Yunho squatted down next to you 

“oh yeah, I’m fine-’

“don’t lie,” he interrupted you

“okay, okay, you can’t be mad at me okay?” he’s confused but he nods as he listens to what you have to say 

“so I’ve liked this guy-”

“YOU’VE LIKED SOMEONE AND NEVER TOLD ME?!” he raises his voice

you had to grab his arm to calm him down, “I SAID LISTEN!”

he quiets down

“so I’ve like this guy.. for a while now.. but I can’t bring myself to confess to him, I feel like although we have a lot in common, we seem more like siblings than lovers..” you said as you looked into the sky, hoping that he’d stop staring at your side profile 

“he’s an idiot for not liking someone like you-”

“speaking about liking someone, how are things going with..”

“Sunmi..” he says, “her name is Sunmi.. I think things are going well.. I’m not sure though.. does it look like I’m trying too hard?” 

you shook your head, “nah... you just look like a puppy in love..”

“what is that suppose to mean-”

you shoved a lollipop in his mouth, “nothing, I’m just happy that you like someone...and that, that person likes you too...”

“but I want someone to like you as much as you like them too..” he gives you a worried face 

but you smile at him, a fool-proof smile, “I will.. it’s just not my time... at least not with this person..”

you get up and dust your uniform, “you should get back to Sunmi, I gotta go to the bathroom..”

Yunho gets up after you, “hey lil dumpling.. are you really okay?”

you clench your fist so hard until your knuckles turned white from trying to hold back your tears

but you persevered to smile, one that Yunho always saw, “of course, dummy.. of course I am.. see you later~”

but you didn’t

you stopped waiting for him after school, so that he could walk Sunmi home

you stopped answering his paper-cup telephones, so that he could talk to Sunmi on the phone instead

you stopped going to school at the same time Yunho did, so that the first person he sees before school is Sunmi

you avoided him like the plague

that way he could focus on Sunmi and less on you 

and the less he focused on you, the more you could forget about your feelings for him

just like that, you two drifted apart 

late night talks on the rooftop were reduced to greeting gestures 

sometimes you two couldn’t even bring yourselves to ask how each other are doing 

but your plan was working; you could see how much he was in love with Sunmi

how she made him happy

how she made him smile

and his smile was worth more than anything to you 

you were satisfied by his happiness 

his happiness was a way for you to continue on with life until you forgot about your feelings for him

are you truly being selfless?

are were you just trying too hard to convince yourself that this was okay for you to suffer while he was happy?

End.

[ masterlist + guidelines ]

[unnursvanablog]

It feels like I have been waiting forever for I married an Anti Fan to actually hit the silver screen. I remember reading news about the casting and filming of that drama years ago, but then it just never happened... until now. And that might explain why it does feel a bit old school in a way.

I have to say that I do find it funny how Choi Tae Joon is playing a top kpop star when two of his costars, Sooyoung and Chansung, actually are kpop hallyu stars. There is just something about that that amuses me a bit and I would love it if the drama would actually make references to that a bit as we get further into the show. 

The few bits of Tae Joon on the stage or being an top star idol hasn't been oozing with charisma and it sometimes (to me) feels like he doesn't want to be there... but maybe that's something to do with his character (he does seem to be a bit frustrated with his fame), but also just be maybe thinking a bit too much about it.

The first episode felt choppy to me. It almost felt like they were trying to cram as much information, backstory and setting up the story as quickly as possible and I definitely felt like I was being thrown around a bit from scene to scene that didn't linger enough in the moment to feel complete in a way. But once we had covered all of that ground and we moved on to the second episode I started to notice it less and less.

The pacing felt very quick and before I knew it the episode was almost over, but I did find myself quite enjoying this show and the over-the-top storyline that you might expect from a rom-com with such an outlandish plot. And I really do hope that this drama sort of leans into that outlandishness a bit and just becomes something light and fun to watch.

There were moment where I felt like they did make the female lead almost unprofessional (why are you drinking when you are suppose to be working/taking pictures/being a journalist at this party to the point you are throwing up and throwing stuff at people) and making odd decisions or being ditzy just for the plot sake which do annoy me. But I also understand why it's done so the plot can move along, so while I do roll my eyes a but it won't make me turn of the show.

This female lead is so down on her luck that it almost is too much at times... but I get it and it does feel a bit old-school kdrama rom-com and therefor sort of cozy. And that is sort of what I expect from that show after the first two episodes.

This show does have some fun old clichés that I enjoy. I love sort of 'fake dating scenario' and people having to share a house because of some contract even if they dislike each other. It's always a fun dynamic I feel like and something I am looking forward to a lot. 

I want to say that these characters are quite typical and nothing that I haven't seen before. But I also feel like the dynamics here are a bit different. I don't feel like the male lead is this cold and reserved asshole who needs to grow with the story and through the love of the female lead... but much so the second lead guy, played by Chansung, sort of is. 

The male lead feels quite soft and just lonely. And the second female lead feels like a total sweetheart and I do think their relationships is interesting and not something I have seen too much of. I just hope she won't be made into a bitch just for the sake of the plot. Because I really like her and her story so far. And overall I do find a lot of the characters quite likeable. 

I kinda wanted them to go further into the anti-fan aspect of it and actually make her reasons for being is anti more ridiculous just for the sake of it,  but I don’t mind the route that they are taking with it.

[heavenzfiend]

Hello my dear! Thought I'd drop by your lovely blog and ask you a few burning questions myself! 🤣💕1. What inspired you to start writing fanfiction? 2. Which work of yours are you particularly proud of? 3. What is your favourite K-drama of all time? Hope you're having a lovely day!! - XOXO

Hi dear!!! Thank you for your "burning" questions 🤣❤. Did you know that in my many, many years of being active on Tumblr, this was one of the first Asks I've ever gotten?! 🤣 I don't know if I'm intimidating or aloof but this whole Ask thing is still unfamiliar to me as the day I started this blog since I've never had many Asks during my Tumblr career so hope I'm... using this thing correctly! 😨😅 Super long answers incoming:

1. What inspired me to write fanfics?! Hmm... So I actually wrote kpop fanfics long time ago, in my middle/high school days with my bestie and we would be the MCs and the hot boys of Dong Bang Shin Ki were our love interests 🤣. This was before the rest of the world even knew of kpop, really. We wrote multi-chaptered, epic stories on scraps of paper, exchange diaries, and on FLOPPY DISKS. I still have the physical copies of few, rare chapters but the floppy disk ones are gone when my disks just stopped working one day 😭😭😭 sad, sad loss... These were never published online and also completely written in Korean haha.

(TVXQ/DBSK will forever have a special place in my heart as my forever oppas, despite... scandals and fallouts in recent times. They were legends of their time, almost the founding fathers of modern kpop I'd say.)

There was a period when I wrote and published a jpop fic for a group called LEAD... wow, that sure takes me back. I don't even remember where I posted that (some jpop forum), what the title was, or if it is still floating around somewhere but yea, it happened.

(Akira Kagimoto, on the left, is whom I had wrote a story for?! It was super angsty too, I rememeber 🤣🤣🤣 My young ass was so wild. I don't even remember why I wrote it since my favorite was absolutely Keita Furuya [middle]... 🤔)

Erm, other than this, I didn't consider myself a writer nor wanted to create anything until I played Samurai Love Ballad Party and that game got me so, so hooked that I started devouring fics (cough, smut) religiously and then opening up and actually befriending writer friends made me more confident in trying out writing myself. I think I just really wanted to write a threesome/foursome for Hideyoshi, Kiyomasa, and Masanori 🤣. My thirst was REAL. I tested out my abilities by writing the Inuchiyo T-rated fic and then I just went for the threesome, when I was like hmm maybe I’m not too shabs 🤣. 

2. Which works am I particularly proud of?! *Checks myself on AO3* Apparently I wrote 21 stories so far! Woohoo! 

Helping Hands  is definitely a special one for me, which started me off on smut-writing in general! As mentioned above, I just really wanted to bang all 3 guys (at the same time?!) and I made it happen and I’m super proud of myself for what I created! 🥰

Alone Again is just... words can’t describe how special that one is to me! Even now, whenever I think of Ieyasu and that MC, my heart just... :’) It makes me smile a very, very bitter smile. Why do I like to HURT so badly?! 😅

3. My favorite Kdrama of all time?!?!?! OMG girl, I have seen SO many Kdramas in my lifetime haha. I would say, in terms of more recent ones, I have to give it up to:

Because This Is My First Life. This drama, I cannot say enough good things about! It’s on Netflix now so I want everyone to check it out, please!!! It’s just so, so good! Ever since I watched this drama, I went on a 2 year+ hiatus on Kdramas because... I don’t know. I felt like nothing could ever top this for me, haha. And I’m STILL in that kdrama slump! I just can never forget this masterpiece! 

It’s about two strangers getting married (fake) for differing reasons relating to housing, like familial pressure/societal pressure/wanting to live with a roommate whom they will never fall for (HA!). 

Lee Minki is just amazing as the male lead and Jung So Min is ADORABLE here. I can’t recommend it enough, seriously! 

Another drama I wanna throw out here is called Wedding, featuring Jang Nara and Ryu Siwon! This one is one of my ABSOLUTE favorites that I come back to time and time again! It’s crazy because I feel like it’s not that popular and no one ever talks about it (in Korea or International!) but I really like it! My mom thinks it was rather boring (?!) which I don’t really get but I guess I’m just special then. It’s about a stoic but genuine/smart guy who meets a cheerful, sweet-yet-ditzy girl through marriage set-up and they get married! It’s about their relationship progressing. Things develop rather slowly but seeing them holding hands, becoming husband/wife, then angsttttt central... I just really love this drama! There is no “villain/villainess” in this drama, which I think makes people think it’s on the boring side. I don’t mind it at all because we use all 20 episodes seeing their love develop! 

It’s a bit on the older side, 2005, but I watch clips of this drama all the time to this day XD. It’s a classic for me, at least! 

Anyways, wow, this turned out SUPER LONG!!! I enjoyed answering your Qs! Thank you so much lovely! Have a wonderful day! 😘😘😘

[celestialmystical]

The Waiting Game

As I sit here in this square room, staring out over the Han river at Incheon, with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company, I ask myself: Why did I really decide to move here to South Korea?

Why am I purposefully putting myself in such an uncomfortable situation?

I mean, leaving my friends and family and living in a country where I can barely speak the language and I don’t really know anyone?

Why would I do that to myself?

I think back to about five years ago, when I was nineteen, I came across a video on Instagram of some girl dancing. I saw there were judges and other girls like her in the back. I don’t how but I assumed from the video it was a show about making a girlband.

Intrigued, I looked up what the show was and found out it was Produce 101.

Produce 101 was a show about 101 South Korean girls auditioning to make a kpop group.

I really enjoyed the show and then became obsessed with South Korea. I listened to lots of different kpop groups as well as kr&b and watched a lot of kdrama, Flower Over Boys being my first one. I watched several videos on youtube about what it was like to live in South Korea and how I could possibly move there.

That’s how I found out that you could live in Korea for a year simply by teaching there.

At the time, it was just an idea that I could do that. I didn’t really have any goal for that to happen.

I was in my second year of college. I was in relationship with someone I thought I’d marry. What I was going to do after college was far away from my mind.

A lot has happened since I came across that video of Chungha.

I’ve experienced a lot of losses in my life in these past 5 years—friends, lovers, family, pets. Literally and figuratively.

I experienced a really dark period of my life. I constantly felt numb and disconnected from everyone and everything.

But I also experienced great growth from that difficult era of my life. I wrote a book as my healing medium.

It was a period of my life where I really learned so many things about life and myself. The biggest one of them all being the importance of loving yourself before and more than anyone else.

After college, I didn’t really know what I wanted to do. I knew I didn’t want to live back home with my parents but I had no other choice.

I got a job and met some wonderful people there. And while I had many fun, easy times working there and hanging out with my coworkers who eventually became really good friends of mine, I felt like I needed more.

Lots of people make the decision of taking more school after graduating college—like getting a Master’s, for example.

I didn’t feel like that was the right decision for me. At least, not immediately. While I really do dread the thought of going back to school and writing a bunch of essays where I have to cite people because personal opinions can’t be taken into consideration unless it’s been backed up by ‘science’ and ‘numbers’—which aren’t always accurate given the study and don’t really take into consideration the minority outside of the numbers.

Anyway, while I dread going back to school, I also don’t really know what kind of career I want to go into.

While I was with my boyfriend for two years, I thought becoming a therapist was what I wanted. Even though that had never struck any bells within my heart, I felt it was the safest and easiest route for me. I’m a great listener and advice-giver (if you’re okay with it being a little brutal)—and while the idea doesn’t repel me right now, it surely doesn’t attract me either.

At the moment, I’m kind of over being the trash can for people to dump their problems on.

I’m okay with hearing my friends problems and being there for them in whatever way they need—but to have people just blab blab blab about their problems at me all day, especially people who are narcissistic, sounds extremely draining.

I want to live and be with people who also want to live.

And I think part of living is stepping out of your comfort zone.

Initially, my interest for South Korea was because of the kpop and the kdrama and the fashion. I won’t lie.

After a while though, it morphed into wanting to do something completely out of my comfort zone where everything is new and different for me. I know living in a country that doesn’t speak my language and not many people look like me would do this.

Korea became the option not only because of the sweet deal of teaching here for a year while they give you an apartment to live in and really just help you out in general, but also because, it just called to me.

I can’t say it’s because I know this country the most because I don’t. I only know what kpop and kdrama show me which I know is like the rosiest lense possible. I can’t say it’s because it’s the only country that interests me cause that’s not true. Japan, Iceland, and Italy really interest me too.

I do really want to work with kids--but again, I could do that anywhere.

I don’t know. I just feel it in my soul that I need to be here for some reason. That I need to experience whatever it is I’m going to experience here.

It’s hard to see right now what that is or what it will be.

After coming here the first day and experiencing such a distressing time being lost, it became extremely apparent to me how difficult this was going to be.

My body is honestly so overwhelmed, that even though I want to keep studying Korean, I barely have any energy except to watch shows on my laptop, like Itaewon Class. (which is a great show, I highkey recommend.)

As someone who doesn’t really watch shows, that’s all I’ve had the energy to do. I can barely read or write (creatively, it’s different for me than doing something like this)

That and I’ve been craving food, which is really not like me either. Usually, I forget to eat. But lately, I’ve just been like, what can I stuff myself with?

I know this overwhelmed feeling comes with the fact that I’m having so much new information coming into my brain at once.

Part of it though, I think comes from the fact that I have extremely high expectations of myself.

The fact that I don’t know Korean fluently, makes me think I need to do everything in my power right now to make it so. The pressure adds to the overwhelmingness.

I think I have to be great at everything immediately.

I paradoxically feel like I need to have it all done right now but also feel that have no motivation to do it.

It’s just kind of funny to me. 

The Universe always, always reminds me to stay patient and humble.

My mom always says to me, “Rome was not built in a day.”

And she’s so right. I’m not going to be fluent in Korean right this moment.

I’ve literally only been here for two days.

I have to take it a step at a time. Like with everything. 

I constantly come back to this concept. It’s equally frustrating as it is hilarious to me.

Though there’s so many things I want to do and see, though I want to be able to speak Korean well, I know that will come, eventually.

But right now, right now I need to be just be here with this little step.

It’s not about the destination, but the journey. It is about those little victories.

This mentality has helped me gain some energy back and has made me realize my purpose for being here will present itself when I’m ready.

As my father has said to me: “Tough times ahead but they will be important life lessons you can carry with you for the rest of your life! There’s a reason you were meant to be there at this stage of your life!! Go find it.”

And that I will. Eventually.

But for now.

For now, I’m going to watch Itaewon Class and eat some chips :)

[fadhiladevani]

Highlight of my life when i’m in undergraduate school (lots of new experience)

Well hello again Tumblr! I can’t believe the last time I still surfing around this platform was in 2014? 2015? long time no see huh?

I don’t know where to start. There’s so many things happened to me the past few years. Okey let start from my undergraduate times. It’s quite hectic but I still able to enjoy the time hanging out with my friends in college, high school, and choir organization because i love to sing but i’m shy to sing alone sooo yeah. I was single at the time but I keep busy hanging out with all my friends and doing organization so I don’t have time to feel lonely hahaha. 

There’s nothing special between 2014 until early 2016. The good things started in the end of 2016. Back in 2016, I was even participating in choir competition in regional and international section. And we won! wow the hard works in 3 months has paid off.  5 months after that, I went to Bandung for study trip with my colleagues. You know how study trips are. More the fun than the study hahaha. 

1 month after that, I went to BTS Concert in Jakarta! wow it’s quite fun experience because I’ve never been attending kpop concert before, thus my first bias are SUJU and BIGBANG but i’ve never been come to one of their concerts haha poor me. The craziest thing about that are I did that just with one of my friend Dita. She was the want who persuaded me to watch that concert even though she just liked BTS 2 months before. Hahaha before that she was not even into kpop. People are so easy to falling in love sometimes. We travelling from Jogja to Jakarta by train at night to avoid spend another night at hotel haha we’re so thrifty that time. It was one of the best experience ever for me to watch and see the kpop artist in real life. It felt surreal seeing their glowing face and how white and smooth they are. 

A few days after that, I went to KOREA!!! KYAAAAAA that was the highlight of that year. My friends are so jealous at that time because they knew i was just watched kpop concert and then i went to their country like its not enough just watching them hahha. But i went there not because just an usual holiday, me and my family (-devan) and a few of my parent’s friends were attending the 4life Convention. It held every year in random country to celebrate their birthday or something. I was stay in Korea for a week i guess? whatever. I still can’t believe at that time, i’m in a country where i was always dream to come. I even know a few of their history and spoke a little bit of their language with the natives. Thus i just learned their language on my own by watching lots of kdrama and listening to their song all the time. I’m quite proud of my self hahha. It was another highlight of the year. 

1.5 month after that I did my campus program called KKN or some kind of community service program. The location i got was in Selo, Boyolali, Central Java. Thank God the elements or the vibe in that village was soooo damn cold even in the day time we have to wear jacket and socks to prevent the cold. But i love the weather so much. Even though i kept shivering when touch the water. But it was so refreshing. I prefer freezing than sweating. That was one of the best thing has happened in my KKN. Another good things were my unit members! we’re so get along together like we already knew each other for a long time and becoming like family. It also because we live together in one house so we met eerrrrday for one full month. The bonus were almost all the boys in my unit were handsome in my preference. Except for one, the oldest. I even got a boyfriend from there!. His name is Febiyanto. His Major was economic. He’s Javanese lives in Bekasi (Yes, we are having long distance relationship now). Febi and I are at the same year at college but I’m older at age. He is the maknae, the childish and the goofiest among us. He likes to tease me. It makes more obvious that he likes me a lot wkwk. He is the first to like me. And me? i’m trying to blending with everyone to live the fullest of my KKN lyfe hahaha. Fyi, I still having a relationship with him until now. We are in our 3rd year now (almost). This is the longest relationship i’ve been in to. We already met our eachother’s parent. I already went to his house while i’m having some business in Jakarta but he never went to my house yet. 

After KKN finished, we started doing our thesis. it’s hectic but relax at the same time. I have so many spare time but my head is full. But we enjoyed it. Febi and me help each other’s thesis. We spent almost of our time together because we have no classes to attend anymore. I often went to his place to play or pick him up because his place was nearer to the city than mine. He lived in a rented house together with his college friend so it’s quite safety for different gender like to play there. So on, in 2018, we graduated together in the same day yeeey. But the saddest part is he has to go back to his home in Bekasi and me too have to go back home to Pekanbaru :( and that’s when our long distance relationship and our new phase in life begin...

[guardians-of-exo]

Rich Man

Genre: Romantic comedy

Synopsis: Lee Yoo-chan is a genious programmer and CEO of the IT company Next In. He has a condition where he can’t recognize people’s faces so he has to rely on people greeting him with their own full name. Kim Bo-ra is a fresh-out-of-college job seeker who wants to show the world what she’s got. Her dream is to work for Next In, and she ends up getting a job because of her abilty to quickly memorise anything she reads. As they work together, they grow closer and Bo-ra begins to realize that there is a lot more to the arrogant and rude CEO than she had first thought.

Episode info: 16 episodes / Runtime around 60 minutes

Lead cast: Kim Junmyeon (Lee Yoo-chan), Ha Yeon-soo (Kim Bo-ra), Oh Chang-suk (Min Tae-joo), Kim Ye-won (Min Tae-ra)

Link to watch: I watched it here

Drama rec masterlist  

_

I cannot believe I nearly forgot about this drama?! I watched it way back when it first started airing and when I hadn’t really watched that many dramas yet - which means I only watched it because Junmyeon was in it 😂 

That being said, I loved this drama! I know there has been a few other dramas done within this concept of “Rich Man, Poor Woman,” but as I haven’t seen any of them, this drama felt refreshing and new to me. It’s awfully cliché in all of the best ways and I really cannot find a thing about it I didn’t like.

Junmyeon is a phenomenal actor, I was honestly blown away. I kept forgetting that I knew him from somewhere else because he really just felt like Yoo-chan the whole way through. I was really impressed by how our sweet bunny leader pulled off having to act like such an asshole, but wow. He was amazing! And as general with kdramas, all of the actors are amazing at bringing the characters to life.

I really liked the plot overall as well! It progressed nicely throughout the episodes and nothing felt rushed or skipped. And, again, as with most dramas, there is always another underlying drama that slowly picks up pace as the story moves along and everything gets tied into a neat bow in the end.

If you haven’t watched a lot of dramas before, I think this could be a good starter one to introduce you to the usual kpop drama tropes in the best way! Though I’m sure you’ll love it just as much as a seasoned drama-watcher 😂

[goodnightkisseu]

Tag Game~

I was tagged by @prettywordsyouleft on my main, ongsung, and by @this-song-thats-only-for-you on here, so I decided to just answer these here :3 Thank you both of you for tagging me <3 Love you both!

The rules are:

1. Tag the person who tagged you

2. Answer the questions.

3. Tag 10 people

Let’s get it started!

•How tall are you?

I’m ~157cm / 5ft 2in. I’m okay with my height, but tbh I look hella short next to all of my friends that are 165cm+ ;___; 

•What color and style is your hair?

I used to dye my hair a lighter burgundy (think Jaejoong during Mirotic) but it became hard to maintain that living in California. The sun is not kind to my hair ;__; So now I go a very dark purple-red. My hair just looks naturally black in most light... until I step into a place with natural sunlight and you can see the purple-red better :3 I’m pretty sure I have pics somewhere...

Style-wise... I’ve had it shoulder length before, and I liked that because it was manageable, but now I keep it long, about chest length with bangs :3

•What color are your eyes?

Brown

•Do you wear glasses?

Much like Chelle, I also have an astigmatism >_< I also didn’t used to like my glasses because I didn’t think I looked good in them ;; I’ve grown to like them tho, only wearing contacts every now and then. Which, honestly, is for the better, because I have such dry eyes that contacts do not help ;A;

•Do you wear braces?

I had braces as a kid. I wasn’t a fan of them, but I don’t have horror stories about them either. 

•What’s your fashion sense?

I... really don’t now how to describe my fashion sense lol. I work in a game studio so there’s really no need to dress up, but I guess I am on the dressier side? I like skirts or skinny jeans with a nice top, all of it under my over-sized work hoodie XD 

•Full name?

Ashley, though I’ve started answering to Ash too :) As a kid, letting kids refer to me as Ash was rough cuz of Pokemon >< And though I love the franchise, I did not really like the Ash Ketchum jokes >< Now that I’m older, Ash is fine. 

•When were you born?

I share a birthday with SuJu’s Eunhyuk :D I’m just 6 years younger than him, so April 4, 1992. 

•Where are you from and where do you live now?

I was originally from a smaller town in Washington State, then I lived on my own in Seattle for 6 years (school and work). Now I’m down in southern California in Irvine, for work :3

•What school do you go to?

I graduated 4 years ago (holy cow it’s been longer than I thought O_O)

•What kind of student are you?

Lolol I was that terrible perfectionist friend OTL Never missed classes, read the assigned reading (which most of the people didn’t in my classes ><), tried to get projects done early. But I also would procrastinate on things that I knew I didn’t need to spend a lot of time on? But I still wanted them to be done well? I was stressed as a college student. How I was a KPop stan and had a pretty good GPA coming out of college was a miracle x.x

•Do you like school?

I like learning. I like doing assignments to enhance my understanding. (Coding assignments were super, super useful! I love them even if the tests often kicked my butt) but I don’t like busy work ><

•Favorite subject?

I took a lot of programming courses cuz I majored in Computer Science. Those courses were a lot of fun, but I think weirdly my favorite class was one on Japanese Plays? That was pretty neat :0

•Favorite TV show?

Most of what I watch is anime or kdramas >< but I do love Doctor Who a lot :D

•Favorite Movie?

So I got asked this question recently and I had to think about it pretty hard. I think the film that takes the title of ‘favorite’ for me is Hero. It came out back in 2002, and it starred Jet Li, Donnie Yen, Tony Leung, Maggie Cheung, Chen Daoming and Zhang Ziyi. It was so beautiful and now I have to go re-watch it ><

•Favorite books?

I loved the Stravaganza series way back when. I only found out like 3 years ago that there were more than the original 3 so I may have to go back and re-read them :3

•Favorite pastime?

I love to write! Most of my freetime is dedicated to that and mobile games. >< I also love to draw, which I haven’t been able to do in a while >< Maybe soon...

•Do you have any regrets?

A handful. I will only go into depth if people want to know, lol. Nothing is serious. Just lots of little life things

•Dream job?

So, back when I was about 9 or 10, I picked up Final Fantasy X. I loved the game and the art so much that all I wanted to do was be a concept artist for games. Admittedly, I don’t have the talent of a concept artist, even though I do love to draw. I do work in the game industry now but in a slightly more technical sense. ^^ There was also a time I wanted to be a writer... but honestly... none of my stuff is publishing worthy lolol

•Would you ever like to be married?

I’d like to, but I haven’t met anyone yet. Plus, given how old everyone is at this game studio, I probably won’t find anyone here ><””

•Would you like to have kids?

Eventually?

•How many?

One or two. 

•Do you like shopping?

Yes and no. There are times when all I want to do is look for cute clothes. And then there are times when I just... don’t want to, lol.

•What countries have you visited?

Canada, Vietnam, Thailand, and the inside of an airport in Hong Kong and in Incheon when my family still traveled XD

•Scariest nightmare you have ever had?

Lately I’ve been getting a lot of like... assassin/fighting type of dreams and I’m not having it, yo. I’ve also experienced the teeth falling out dreams, mostly if I’m stressed... which just makes me more stressed OTL

•Any enemies?

Not that I know of ^^’’’’’

•Any significant other?

Maybe some day...

•Do you believe in miracles?

I’d like to :3

•How are you?

I’m alright today. I’m a little exhausted, but happy too! I got a lot of tasks done at work and I’m wrapping up my last fic request. I’m also thinking of drawing one of the girls from the new mobile game I started. So overall things are looking up! :D I could probably use with a bit more sleep tho ><

I’ll tag @romeongs, @jinyoungmoans, @xiaojuxiyou and anyone else that wants to do this. I feel like most already have, but you can say I tagged you if you want to give it a go! ^o^

[sambart93]

2018.11.30-12.01 Super Junior Live in Tokyo Dome [Super Show 7] Report

The DVD for this comes out on Wednesday, and people in Japan who pre-ordered should be getting their DVDs tomorrow SO it’s about damn time I posted this report! 

So I crazily got way into Super Junior these past 8 months so I took the plunge and went to their concert... twice. It was great! It’s been a while since I went so I hope I can remember most of the stuff but I shall try!

SET LIST

*Yeah there were changes between the two days!

Song For You Superman (song only, no performance) VCR (Member Intro Shots) Black Suit Scene Stealer MAMACITA First MC Shirt Second MC Animals It's You One More Time Lo Siento (Nov 30) / Kyuhyun's Comment (Dec 1) VCR (Donghae's girlfriend dying in a car accident) One More Chance 愛してるって言えない (Yesung Solo) The Little Prince (Ryeowook Solo) 'Bout You Oppa Oppa Can You Feel It MC Runaway Too Many Beautiful Girls Bambina VCR (SUPERZ) On and On Super Duper Sorry Sorry Mr. Simple Bonamana VCR I Do Make You Smile Shining Star ENCORE: Devil Wow! Wow!! Wow!!! Miracle

To the report! I’ll try and keep in order.

PRE-SHOW

☆ I remember on Day One (Nov 30) the seat next to me was completely empty. And on Day Two (Dec 1) we got aisle seats so we had a lot of room to ourselves. Also I remember an older couple of women behind us on Day 1 and they sat down a lot and chatted throughout most of the concert -- which would’ve been fine if they’d talked quietly. Me and my friend spoke to each other throughout the concert here and there too.

☆ I remember goods being absolutely crazy! Both times I turned up 2 hours beforehand. Day 1 took 4 hours to get through the line, Day 2 took just over an hour but still, it was crazy! And the CD line on Day 2 was absolutely ridiculous!! I remember a foreign fan on Day 1, just before doors opened, asking us how long goods would take and if she had time to line up (doors open an hour before the concert) and I told her no because it took us 4 hours alone, at this time who knows how long it’ll take.

☆ Day 2 for pre-show was definitely the most fun! I was in my Doraemon outfit so all the fans knew immediately I was a Heechul fan, and because of that (and because he’s not as popular as some of the others) fans were giving me their trading goods of his for free! I even told them ‘I’m sorry I have nothing to trade for this,’ but they were always like, ‘no, we don’t want it!’ which I am super thankful for! Also I got sweets with little D&E and Heechul pictures inside, another woman gave me a Heechul magnet and photo. Just the fans were absolutely amazing!! And I’ll definitely have to pay it forward at the next cons I go to of Super Junior. They were all so kind! I need to repay that!

☆ Also on Day 2, we had less time waiting for goods so we had more time to relax and talk, so me and my friend ended up getting rather drunk before the concert which was fun and we took lots of pictures and talked about other KPop groups and such. It was a good bonding time with my friend xD

☆ I only saw two other people in Doraemon outfits so that made me happy hehe

THE SHOW

☆ I have to admit, I spent the first day just taking in everything; learning how KPop fans work, what chants are used where, what the order of the songs are, how the boys interact, how fanservice in KPop works etc. because it was my first KPop AND Super Junior concert so everything was new to me. So I spent the first day just learning how it all goes down. I also spent the first day just completely watching when and where Heechul leaves and enters the stage because I was worried he wouldn’t have much time, and I have to say he spent a lot of time walking on and off stage - surely it’d be better and would waste less energy if he just had a stool and sat on the stage?! But I guess he still has some pride in him because I feel like and me most of the fans are like ‘you can just sit on the stage and sing, we don’t mind! We’d rather you sat and sang than just completely leave the stage!’. So the second day I fully enjoyed everything that went down and I got super emotional in some parts.

☆ I love how the stage is set with 7 mannequins on stage in boxes. At first I didn’t think anything was odd but then in the last 10 minutes before the show started, I realised there were 8 members performing, so where the hell was the 8th member’s mannequin?! But the show does/did actually start with just the 7 members.

☆ But I have to say, Ryeowook makes the best entrance ever! He turns up part way through Mamacita at the back top stage, belting out notes in all his glory and the crowd went WILD both times. It’s such an epic and good entrance!

☆ Of course, all the fans were delights and happy that Superman (even as an instrumental intro) made a comeback! I heard some long time fans say ‘they finally listened to us and brought it back!’ which is great ^_^

☆ Heechul was so adorable during Shirt! Shaking his little butt around! If I remember correctly, on the second day, Siwon started smacking his butt when he started wiggling it xD

☆ Everyone lost their shit during It’s You. It is SUCH a good concept!!! Their outfits are great! The blindfolds are great! I love how Heechul pops up through the back top stage for his moment and looks so damn good! Everyone is thirsty during this performance xD it’s definitely an unforgettable one!

☆ On the second day, they cut out LoSiento so that they could talk a lot with Kyuhyun and so he could talk to the members and the crowd a lot. No one was expecting him to turn up, so when he suddenly appeared on the screen, the entire audience simulatenously screamed and then proceeded to burst into tears. I also burst into tears! And (at the time) I did’t even know Kyunhun that well but I knew/know how much the fandom and the members miss him so it was just the spiritual moment of ‘everyone is so emotional right now and I got dragged into it completely’. Kyunhyun was a little embarrassed and his Japanese was a little rough and he was totally shy because of that which was ADORABLE! He said ‘Oh please don’t look! I’m so fat right now!’ and everyone was like ‘NO! You’re cute!!’ and he said ‘watching you (members) on stage now and seeing how much fun you’re having, makes me really want to join you. I can’t wait to get back on that stage with you all!’ so adorable xD and he said it was strange being an audience members at the concert but he’s happy being so close to the fans and being able to see fan reactions and how they are around him. Also he got given a seat in the sound area rather than in the VIP area or even in a normal audience seat, because SuJu had completely sold out all their seats and he was proud xD (video here and here)

☆ Me being bias but I was sad they cut out Heechul’s rap at the end of Lo Siento so he didn’t appear at all for that song on Day One. He could’ve easily just cross-dressed and been the girl or could have sang/done the girl parts of the song --- and we would have ALL loved it! I thought it was a nice idea. And he wouldn’t really need to dance so his leg would be okay, and it would keep his stage time up too for his fans... just a shame they didn’t do. I’m sure he had his reasons but I’m sure he spent more time and energy walking up and down stairs than actually dancing and participating on stage...

 ☆ I have to say, on the first day, me and my friend started laughing at Donghae’s VCR. If you’ve ever seen a KDrama, you know EVERY romance show has at least one car crash -- we get it, Korea has a ridiculous amount of car crashes everyday. Car crashes are terrible, they kill and hurt people every day in the world. But I am so DONE with all the Korean media (especially the romance shows) having car crashes. So when Donghae’s VCR had his girlfriend dying in a car crash, I just burst out into laughter, ‘of course she’s in a fucking car crash,’ my body was just ‘here we go again’. It really is ridiculous how every KDrama has a car crash and how they even put them in got damn SuJu shows. I understand completely the reality of car crashes and I am not disrespecting real car crashes at all. But, I’m so done with this trope in the media Korea.

☆ Hearing Ryeowook’s voice properly through his ‘The Little Prince’ song at Tokyo Dome was such a blessing! I absolutely loved this performance and hearing him sing. His vocals really are no joke. He’s just perfect and is amazing at what he does.

☆ In contrast to the two ballad solos that Ryeowook and Yesung gave us, we had D&E being completely stupid with their melody of 'Bout You, Oppa Oppa and Can You Feel It. The entire audience lost it at Can You Feel It. We were all already hyped but that song sent EVERYONE overboard and jumping around; both audience and members. Me and my friend were dying of laughter during this part too! It was so much fun!

☆ I really love the concept for Runaway. They’re all in their school uniforms and they start in a classroom and in their seats before running around it and dancing. Also the hip roll movement they have in this song and Heechul having way too much fun with it haha

☆ The SUPERZ VTR had all the English speaking fans DYING because of Yesung’s mobile screen name is listed as “Yesex”. Me and my friend were dying but clearly the rest of the audience (either they couldn’t read the English fast enough or they had already been to all the other Super Shows so already knew about these VTRs; which seemed like 95% of them) didn’t react and were looking really weird at me and my friend when we started crying with laughter. 

The SUPERZ VTR was so strange though. Like it was trying to tell a story about a group who had gone their separate ways and were then trying to get back together for a final mission, but it barely told any of the story. The information was very broken up and half spoken, and then the VTR ends with Ryeowook capturing LeeTeuk (to which the entire crowd again went crazy and mental because Ryeowook is a baby! He can’t be evil! xD but he was!!!) and... the story was a mess and really difficult to understand. Is SUPERZ like an on-going story that they have at concerts that I’ve missed out on? I felt like I’d been told 0.5% of a story during that VTR. It had a great concept, what I got of the story sounded very good but the VTR itself was just a storytelling mess. GIVE ME ANSWERS! xD

☆ I hadn’t heard On and On until the concert and I immediately really loved the song! So I’ll probably get my grubby hands on it soon!

☆ LeeTeuk had me in tears of laughter during the Super Duper performance because he does THE FUNNIEST run/walk during it! He looks like a complete cartoon character! He was SO funny during this!

☆ THE HEECHUL DRUM SOLO!!! I absolutely LOST IT! Only 7 members are dancing in the front stage during the first half of this song, and me being me, I wasn’t paying attention to them, I was too busy trying to find where Heechul had gone when I noticed staff bringing on drums to the main stage. My brain immediately went ‘hang on... doesn’t Heechul play the drums?!’ and I went wide eyed. Surely enough he walked on stage shortly after that, but with most of the audience paying attention to the front stage because of the 7 members (and the main to back stage’s lights were off so everything was dark), they didn’t realise what was going on, so I was the only one freaking out for a few seconds before the lights went onto Heechul and he started his EPIC, AMAZING DRUM SOLO!!! I just died. I was holding my friend for DEAR LIFE! I lost it completely! The HIGHLIGHT of this damn show is definitely Heechul and that god damn drum solo! He looked so happy and so sexy on those drums!!!

Feast your eyes on these videos 1, 2

☆ I cried a lot during Make You Smile both days. When I first heard it on the single too, I immediately burst into tears. It’s just such a simple yet powerful and emotional song. I couldn’t stop my tears from falling either day.

☆ On the second day of their final comments (before the Encore) HeeChul pulled out a letter and it was in Japanese and spoke it out loud to us. I was just in instant tears because he is just the freaking sweetest. 

I remember 10 years ago at Budoukan. It was our first show in Japan. I didn’t think we were so loved. I will never forget the fans I saw with my eyes that day. Thank you for loving me who’s standing on this stage. I’m still grateful for that now, and it’s something I’ll never forget.

Video here too.

☆ Towards the end of the show on the second day (I think after Wow! Wow!! Wow!!!) the fans got to give Super Junior a ‘Surprise’ message of ‘Welcome back to Tokyo!’ and of course Shindong was taking pictures and film of the Mexican wave and of the surprise.

☆ They filmed the second day too! Which will be the recording/video for the DVD/BR release which is VERY SOON! Order here, here, and here.

*

BUT

There was one major thing that struck me that gave me.... culture shock? Maybe it’s just Super Junior, or maybe it’s KPop Idols or Korean Artists in general, but during the concert I realised how little fanservice they gave to the audience. Is this normal for KPop Idols or is it just Super Junior? I didn’t see any of them really interact with the audience. I’m very much used to J-Pop / J-Idol concerts where the artists actually go out of their way to wave, shake hands, high-five, do silly poses or actions for fans, steal fan’s uchiwas (giant Japanese fan that usually has their bias’ face or name or some message on it), laugh at the fans messages, pointing at certain people, blowing kisses etc. I am used to artists paying so much attention to fans. But at Super Junior, they almost did nothing except looking and smiling at fans. Maybe they gave one or two waves but there was nothing on the level that I’m used to seeing. And I do not blame the boys at all, but it was this HUGE culture shock to me. Both shows I felt like something was off, something was odd, something was missing. And once I realised that it was the lack of fanservice, I was just hit with culture surprise. 

So, is this normal with KPop artists? Or is it just SJ’s style? Like I said, it’s not a complaint or anything but it was just this HUGE difference to what I’m used to that it kind of... dampened my experience? It definitely felt a little incomplete.

*

And now for photos me and my friend took randomly throughout the two days!

DAY ONE!

DAY TWO!

*

There you go!! I hope you all enjoyed that report and it was posted just in time for the DVD release! xD

[kpop-forwhaat]

alright sO, here’s a little story of how kpop helped me personally. but in order to share my story, i must start from the beginning. 

growing up, i’ve never had much family. my mom was constantly on drugs and my dad wanted nothing to do with me. my cousins and aunts wanted nothing to do with me either, they would say one thing and then never commit. my mom’s mother (grandma but she wanted us to call her mema bc it grandma made her feel old) also wanted nothing to do with me. so what i had growing up was my great grandmother and her son, my papa (grandpa). 

my mom was constantly on drugs, always moving us around from town to town whenever she made some enemies. i remember going to 7 different school districts by the time i had started my freshman year of high school. 

but throughout this entire time, my grandma and papa would always be there. when i was a toddler, my mom was caught and sentenced to 4 years in prison, while she was in prison, she had my little sister, we’ll call her Taylor. but that’s another story. 

so basically, my grandparents raised me together. 3 generations living peacefully, as well as my siblings. 

fast forward to 13 year old me. i was in my hometown, where my grandparents were raised, and I was living with them again at the time because they both had their own variants of cancer. so i offered to help with getting groceries and cleaning the house, so i lived with them. one day, my mom drops my sisters off for the “weekend” and says she’ll be back on monday. i was stuck watching two elderly cancerous people as well as two little girls who are 5 (Haley) and 6 (Edith), for six months. my mom didn’t come back for six months. i had to enroll them in school, i forged her signiture. i washed, clothed, and fed 4 people at 13. 

fast forward 2 years later. 

my grandpa had just passed away from his 6th round of cancer, throwing my mom back into a deep spiral of drugs after being clean for almost 2 years after coming back. her dad just died, i understand that she was going through a lot. but with the lack of my father figure, my papa had become my dad, and my grandma had become my mom. 

my mom had moved out to live with her boyfriend at the time, as well as taking my little sisters Haley and Edith. that left me with my grandma, who i had no problems living with. she was beginning to get quite old, so i would help out even more. 

around christmas that year, my mom was kicked out of the house she was living in bc her boyfriend just recently went to prison and there was no reason for her to be living there with my sisters in a house with her bf’s parents. she had no where to go, and my grandma almost didn’t let her stay with us. hell, my mom didn’t even know where we lived. but i had convinced my grandma that my mom had changed, and that she just needs a place to live before she gets back onto her feet. 

boy, was that the biggest fucking mistake i’ve ever made. 

my mom used to be abusive before, whenever she would get high, she would get angry at something and then proceed to take it out on me, whether it be through physical violence or mental abuse. i learned to tune her out eventually, but years of damage had been done. 

i knew something was going on when she would bring strangers over, or i would hear her fucking her newest side piece in the living room at midnight in the same room while my sisters slept on the other couch. 

but one day, i had stayed home from school bc i had pulled a muscle in my back helping my grandma bring groceries into the house. i remember sitting in my room alone when two of her druggie buddies practically knock down my door and say that the cops are at the front door. they said they wanted to hide out in my room, and pleaded that my grandma don’t open the door. 

my grandma had nothing to hide, and she wasn’t going to stop the police from coming in when she knew that this could be the way to get my mother out of our lives for good. she opened the door, and the police found a fucking meth lab in the garage. 

my sisters and i were put into foster care in march of 2015. i was 15 years old. 

because my sisters could go and live with their dad, they weren’t sent to a foster home. i had no family that would take me in, other than my grandma but i couldn’t live in the house with the lab so i had to go to a home. 

fast forward to my junior year of high school.

i’ve always been fangirl. first it was one direction in middle school. then 5 seconds of summer after that. but then i had started watching kdramas on netflix and came across this one group. in their webdrama “To Be Continued...” Astro caught my attention. they were all so cute and i wanted to know more. 

so in my senior year of high school, i was finally living with my grandma again. i wasn’t in a foster home anymore, and i was happy. but then, my grandma had fallen ill, the fumes from the meth lab years ago were still fucking with her lungs, and she had stayed in the hospital for a few days. 

my social worker found out and told me that i can’t live with her anymore, unless i let my cousin move in. so that’s what happened. 

then in december, between christmas and new years, my grandma had fallen. she broke her hip and her collerbone. because of the injuries, she had to be transferred to around the clock care in a nursing home. 

that next february, with the stress of college applications and the fact that my own fucking mother figure was dying in front of my eyes, i attempted suicide in february of 2018. i had taken 30 tylenol pm tablets without hesitation. but once it had sank about what i had done, i immediately asked for help. i was in a hospital for 5 days, and then court ordered to go to a mental health facility. now this is where kpop really helped me. 

the other girls in the facility knew about kpop too. we all bonded over BTS, EXO, and other groups. before this, every other kid in the teens wing was there for attempted suicide. but when all of us girls started bonding over kpop, the therapists and helpers saw a change in our behavior. we weren’t sad anymore, we were happy, singing our favorite songs that we knew by heart. 

i know that i personally sang bs&t for days, and us girls even did our favorite choreo during physical times. it got to the point where one of our supervisors brought in tv, hooked up a computer to it, and let us watch music videos during our free times. 

i honestly don’t think i would’ve recovered as quickly as i did if i didn’t have those other girls, if i didn’t have kpop or BTS. they helped me, they saved me. and they continue to save me whenever i have a bad day, or i feel an episode coming on. BTS is my world, and i love and appreciate everything they do for us.