#it's so late now I should really go to bed
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promise me ice cream! - jeon wonwoo
warnings: slightly insecure wonwoo?
pairings: jeon wonwoo x reader
genre: drunk confessions, friends to ???
wc: 1.3k
a/n: I'm not quite sure what I did to deserve 223 of yall following me but thank you 🥺
drunken confessions series
check out my masterlist!
your best friend, wonwoo is sprawled on the bed, looking more like a puddle of drunk affection than his usual composed self. he's clinging onto you, he wedges your leg in between his own; hugging it like it was a bolster as his head rests on your lap as if it were a pillow, his arms wrapped around your leg, not wanting to let go as if it’s the only thing keeping him grounded. his gaze is hazy, eyes blinking slowly as he stares up at you, his lips curving into a drunken smile, “you're so pretty.” he says as you chuckle while you run your hands through his hair; messaging his head a little to relieve the potential headache.
“why'd you drink so much tonight?” you asked, “its not like you, you're not usually like this.” wonwoo lets out a deep sigh at your question, “you were talking to jun all night and…i dont know, i just didn't like it. i got jealous. it's like…you’ll never pick me.” he says with a pout, eyes closing shut. “jealous? of jun?” you frown, trying to make sense of his words. if only he knew, “don't be silly, you know i talk to jun all the time but you'll always be my best friend. there's nothing to be jealous about.” you reassured. “& i’ll always pick you.”
“you're breaking my heart.” wonwoo mumbles so soft, you almost would have missed it if it weren't for a drunk wonwoo clinging onto you for dear life, heightening all your senses & leaving your heart beating so fast. “what do you mean, wonwoo?”
"you’re my favorite person," he says, his voice soft and slow, like he’s trying to convince himself of something. "i don’t know if i’ll ever be your favorite, but... you're my favorite." his hand gently strokes the inside of your thigh, sending shiver down your spine. his fingers light against your skin as if he’s trying to memorize the feeling of being this close.
you smile as you feel butterflies erupt in your stomach. you’re a little amused yet also, a little taken aback by the way he’s acting; he's never been like this. you gently run your fingers through his hair, trying to coax him to sleep even though you're sure he’s already half asleep. & maybe you're also just taking advantage of the situation and being a little selfish; having him like this.
"i’m just me," he continues, voice drowsy and laced with alcohol. "i’m just wonwoo, you know? just regular, plain ol' wonwoo. but you're... you're perfect. sparkly. i don’t even know why you ever looked my way years ago, let alone be friends with me.”
you laugh softly, but it’s mixed with a hint of sadness, wondering how he could ever think that about himself. "you’re not just wonwoo, you know that, right? you’re more than that."
wonwoo shakes his head, but his grip on your leg tightens. "no, no, no. i’m just me. i’m just wonwoo, and you’re... you’re so pretty and you're so kind. you're such a good person...so much better than I'll ever be. that's why you would never like someone like me."
his words sting more than they should, but you can tell he's too drunk to mean them fully, right? that's what you hoped for at least. you want to tell him how wrong he is, how much you care for him, but instead, you sit in the quiet, letting him speak his mind as he clings onto you, his drunken ramblings the only thing filling the space between you two.
after a moment, he sits up a little, his gaze suddenly lighting up with a burst of energy. "ice cream," he says, as if it’s the most important thing in the world right now. "we should go on an ice cream date. right now. let’s go."
you glance at him, blinking in surprise at the sudden contrast. it’s already past 4AM and he’s drunk, this is not the time for an ice cream run date. "wonwoo," you say softly, trying to get him to focus. "it’s really late. we’re not going for ice cream right now, okay?"
he looks up at you with wide, sad, hopeful eyes, and you can’t help but find it endearing, even if it’s a little ridiculous. "why not?" he asks, his pout deepening, and his grip on your leg tightening again as he drags himself impossibly closer to you. "i want to go on an ice cream date with you, please?”
you laugh, though it's full of affection and fondness. "wonwoo, you’re drunk & it’s really late. we’re not going anywhere. you can’t go out for ice cream right now, I don't think you can even walk straight, did you forget how I had to haul you back here?"
he pouts even harder, his lower lip trembling slightly & he almost look as if he’s about to start crying any time as he sits back and crosses his arms, looking like a grumpy child. "but i want ice cream. now. i’m hungry."
you can’t help but smile at his stubbornness. "we’ll go tomorrow, okay?" you promise. "i’ll take you out on an ice cream date tomorrow. I'll even let you pick all the flavours you want, even if its 5 of them."
wonwoo tilts his head to the side, staring at you with a suspicious frown. "tomorrow? don’t lie…i’m only asking you now because… this is a dream, you wouldnt reject me in my dream, would you?" he asks, his voice filled with doubt. "because i know you won’t really take me for ice cream tomorrow when I wake up. you don’t like me like that. you’re just humoring me."
"wonwoo, i promise, tomorrow, we’ll get ice cream," you reassure him, your voice gentle and warm as you stroke his hair again, trying to comfort him.
but wonwoo still looks disappointed and doubtful, his shoulders slump. "tomorrow will never come. this is all a dream. you’ll wake up, and i’ll be... i’ll be just me. plain wonwoo. i won’t be good enough for you. you will never pick me.”
your heart aches at the way he’s talking. he doesn’t believe that you like him, doesn’t believe in this moment, in the promise of tomorrow. "wonwoo, i’m not going anywhere," you say, taking his hand in yours. "i'll be right here when you open your eyes when the sun rises & i'll tell you all the reasons why you're more than enough. i really do like you, I love you, and tomorrow, we’ll get ice cream. i promise."
he looks down at your hand, still not fully convinced. "promise?" he asks, his voice small and fragile.
"promise," you say firmly, hands finding his as you lock your pinky around his.
wonwoo hesitates for a moment, then sighs, his expression softening. "okay...okay," he murmurs, closing his eyes as he rests his head back on your lap, your hands instinctively go back to playing with his hair, he's completely content now. "ice cream date tomorrow. i’ll wait for tomorrow...even if it doesn't happen it's okay..at least im laying on your lap now…at least you’re playing with my hair now…at least now i know what it's like to hear you say you like me too.”
you smile, brushing a strand of hair out of his face, watching him drift off to sleep in your lap. even though he’s drunk and unsure, you know he believes you somewhere deep down. & tomorrow, you’ll take him for ice cream, just like you promised. and maybe, just maybe, tomorrow, he’ll realize how much you really do care about him, & how much you really do love him.
#seventeen#seventeen imagine#seventeen fluff#svt#svt fluff#svt x reader#svt angst#fanfic#seventeen x reader#jeon wonwoo#wonwoo seventeen#seventeen wonwoo#jeon wonwoo fluff#jeon wonwoo angst#jeon wonwoo imagines#jeon wonwoo fanfic#wonwoo x reader#wonwoo fluff#wonwoo angst#wonwoo imagines#wonwoo fanfic#wonwoo x you#wonwoo#jeon wonwoo x reader
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Could you do arranged marriage with yoongi, prompt 68, and a happy ending🥺
I hope this is okay!
Fire & Ice
Yoongi x Female Reader
Warnings: Swearing, hints of cheating, slightly suggestive, mentions of being drunk
#68 “Seems like you have to sleep here tonight”
When you first entered into an arranged marriage with Min Yoongi you did your best to try and make it work. Sure it wasn’t ideal and you would’ve rather fallen in love on your own terms but it was done and over with and you were determined to try your best and make things work.
The first time he broke you down though was on your wedding night. His parents had rented a large suit at the most luxurious hotel in the city so that the two of you wouldn’t have to travel far after the reception. You were nervous but hopeful and maybe even a little excited. You changed out of your big ball gown of a dress and were waiting on the bed for Yoongi. When the door finally swung open you perked up a little only to be shot down when he grabbed his clothes and told you he had booked his own room to sleep in and then left without sparing you a glance. You spent your wedding night cold and alone in a king size bed while your new husband was doing who knows what. A crack formed in your heart that night.
The next time he chipped away at that crack was a few months later. It was his birthday and you had spent the entire day cooking all of his favorite foods. It was a lot of work but you really wanted to impress him. He told you he’d be home at his normal time so the table was set and you had changed into a nice dress and had lit some candles. You waited and waited and thirty minutes late turned into two hours late turned into six hours late. Finally around 2am he came walking through the door completely ignoring you and all of the food that was now cold and ruined. After questioning him he let you know that his friends threw him a surprise party that you apparently had never been made aware of and he forgot to tell you he was going to be home late. He tried to apologize but you fought back tears as you shoved his present into his chest and stormed off to your bedroom. The crack in your heart grew quite a bit that night.
There were other things that chipped away at it here and there. Hurtful words and spiteful glares. The few times you would go out of your comfort zone and wear something to try and get his attention but he’d never do more than look in your direction before turning his attention elsewhere. There was the way he always introduced you simply by your name, never Mrs. Min or even My Wife. It made you feel like he didn’t want people to know.
There were moments of positivity though. The two of you talked a little bit. You both had a love for music which started many conversations. He sent you roses on your birthday. And you swore he showed the tiniest bit of jealousy when you ran into your physical trainer, Jungkook. You couldn’t quite make it out but you know you heard him mumble something about how he could have muscles like that if he really wanted to before telling you the car was ready even though it wasn’t and you two had to stand outside in the rain for an extra ten minutes. You got the feeling he just wanted to get you away from Jungkook.
One evening though, he finally shattered your heart beyond repair. Another night where he came home way later than he should have. You heard a loud crash in the living room followed by lots of giggles. You rush out there and found him stumbling around drunk out of his mind after having knocked over a vase. His two friends, Namjoon and Jimin, were off to the side not completely sober themselves but seemingly more coherent than your husband was.
Yoongi coming home drunk wasn’t anything knew or shocking. You were used to it by now. So you didn’t think twice when you went to help him up and get him in bed only to be stopped when you saw the large purple and red bruise on this neck. You threw his arm down like it had electrocuted you.
It had always been in the back of your mind that he was possibly cheating. You two had been together for many many months at this point never having done anything like that and it was starting to affect even you. You always pushed those thoughts away though but here was the evidence right in front of you.
Yoongi was too drunk to defend himself. Jimin and Namjoon begged you to listen to them as they could explain what happened but you didn’t care to hear it.
You stormed off back to your room leaving Yoongi passed out on the living room floor and his friends to sneak out knowing there was going to be a fight. That was the moment you fully closed yourself off from him and decided that you two were nothing more than business partners for photo-ops and charity events.
You spent the next year barely speaking or even seeing each other. The first couple weeks
Yoongi tried to explain what happened but you were having no part of it so eventually he gave up. You had bought your own apartment on the other side of the city and only interacted with him at events and family get togethers.
And then one day yours and his parents dropped a huge bombshell that you were not expecting. They wanted to know why the two of you had not produced an heir yet. You couldn’t help but laugh because the two of you were barely even on speaking term so how were you supposed to start a family. That opened up a whole bunch of questions from your families leading to them suggesting the two of you needed to spend time together to try and work on your relationship. It was non-negotiable and before you knew it plans were made and plane tickets were booked against your will.
And that’s how you found yourself alone with Yoongi in a snow covered cabin up in the mountains several hours away from your home.
“I am not sleeping in the same bed as you.”, you spat after you found out it was a one bedroom home.
“Okay sleep outside in the snow then. I don’t really care Y/N.”, he mumbled walking out of the bedroom.
You rolled your eyes but had already accepted that you would be spending a sleepless few nights on the couch because you refused to give in.
After the long trip all you wanted was a hot shower and to get into your comfy pjs so that’s what you did. By the time you were finished the cabin was filled with a heavenly aroma and you found Yoongi in the kitchen. There were two plates of food sitting on the counter. He had made your favorite. When he noticed you he gently slid one over in your direction and for the first time since the beginning of your marriage you felt something other than disdain for him. But you weren’t going to let him know that.
“Are you trying to poison me?”, you questioned.
“Eat it or don’t. It doesn’t matter to me.”
You felt a little bit of guilt watching him grab his plate and sulk over to the table. Quietly you took the second plate and joined him. You both sat in silence with him scrolling on his phone and you just staring at the snow falling outside the window. It seemed like a blizzard was forming as the snow fall had picked up quite a lot since you arrived.
“It’s snowing quite a bit. I hope we don’t loose power.”, you whispered while somewhat trying to gage his reaction to you speaking to him.
He nodded, “yeah I hope not.”
And as if the universe was playing a joke on you the lights flickered once…twice…and then the entire cabin went dark.
“You have to be kidding me.”, Yoongi grumbled before getting up to look for the fuse box.
While he was gone you got a notification from the rental company letting you know there was a power outage in the area due to the snow storm and the current time estimate for it to be fixed was at least 48 hours.
When Yoongi returned you showed him the text which only soured his mood more. He walked into the bedroom and returned a few minutes later bundled up in several layers.
“Where are you going?”, you asked concerned.
“Well without electricity we won’t have any heat. I saw an ax on porch. I’m gonna go chop some wood so that we can build a fire to keep warm.”
“Okay let me get dressed and I’ll come help you.”, you said already walking towards the bedroom. He stopped you furiously shaking his head, “No absolutely not.”
You felt a little hurt that he was so adamant against you going with him but you also knew you couldn’t really blame him either so you stopped your movements as he asked.
He must’ve noticed your reaction because he cleared his throat, “It’s cold and dangerous out there. Just stay in here and enjoy the warmth before it’s gone. I shouldn’t be long.”
You nodded and watched as he closed the door behind him.
You had gotten all the dishes cleaned up and were waiting around for Yoongi. He had been gone quite a while and you were starting to get worried. So you decided to get dressed and were about to head out when he came walking him struggling to get the door to close behind him thanks to the wind. His cheeks were flushed bright red from the cold as he dropped several logs of wood into the fireplace. Within a few minutes he had a fire going that slowly filled the room with much needed warmth.
The two of you sat on the couch in silence just watching the flames move and listing to the crackling of the fire.
After some time Yoongi left and returned with several pillows and blankets. He started laying them out in front of the fire place.
“Seems like you’ll have to sleep here.”, he said looking at you, “We’ll both have to sleep here.”
Your first instinct was to argue against it but then you felt a chill down your spine and you knew you would never make it through the night in the bedroom. So you nodded and joined him underneath your own blanket while he had his and you still made sure there was a considerable distance between the two of you.
The soft glow and the sounds provided by the fire were comforting and you could feel yourself slipping off to sleep fairly quickly until you heard Yoongi shift beside you for probably the hundredth time.
“Yoongi are you okay?”, you asked half concerned half annoyed.
“Yeah sorry. It’s just still so cold it’s hard to get comfy.”
You thought for a moment before taking a deep breath, “D-Do you want to get under the same blanket? We can use our combined body heat to keep warm.”
He became so quiet and still you almost felt embarrassed for even asking until he nodded and lifted up his blanket to give you space to get underneath it.
There was an immediate increase in warmth but you thought it was probably thanks to your body’s rising temperature from being so close to Yoongi.
The room returned to a noticeable silence until it was Yoongi who cleared his throat, “Y/N can I tell you something?”
“Mmhm.”, you nodded.
He took a deep breath, “I’ve never cheated on you.”
You were surprised he was bringing this up so nonchalantly and out of nowhere.
He continued, “That night…That night when I came home drunk and I had that bruise it wasn’t what you think. I was out having some drinks and there was this guy. He came up to me and was talking all this shit about me and my family and stuff. I tried to ignore him. But then…then he called you a gold digging whore and he said he’d take you off my hands for $5 because that’s all you were worth. I got pissed that he was talking about you like that and punched him and then there was a fight and I got hit with something. Maybe a glass or something. I don’t even know what it was but that’s where the bruise came from.”, he stayed silent for another moment, “I know I wasn’t the best husband from the start but I would never and have never been unfaithful to you.”
His words replayed over and over in your mind.
“I just want to say I’m sorry for how I treated you. I was angry and hurt that I wasn’t given a choice in this whole situation but you were the last person I should’ve taken it out on.”, he sighed before continuing, “I just wanted to put that out there. It’s bothered me for a long time and I figured since there’s nothing else to do right now I could take the time to finally say it.”
Your heart was racing as you fidgeted with your sweatshirt.
“I’m sorry too. I should have at least let you explain yourself before completely shutting you out.”, you whispered feeling a little bit guilty, “I just wanted you to give me…to give us a chance and I was hurt that you wouldn’t.”
The room fell into another silence other than the crackling of the fire but this time it was a little less tense.
“M-maybe we should start over. I promise I can be a good husband.”, Yoongi said after a while.
“You did build us a pretty nice fire so that’s pretty good husband stuff.”, you replied trying to lighten the mood a little. He chuckled, “Yeah that’s just the beginning of the things I can do for you.”
You smiled, “Okay let’s start from the beginning.“
He nodded before searching for your hand underneath the blanket. When he finally found it you intertwined your fingers with his.
“Y/N, will you marry me?”, he asked.
“I mean yes but I don’t think we need to start over that far back.”, you giggled as he squeezed your had.
“Yeah how far back should we go?”, he questioned.
You bit your lip debating your next move, “Well how about our wedding night?”
Yoongi chuckled before pulling you into a kiss, “Yeah I think that’s a good place to start.”
#bts#yoongi x reader#yoongi fanfic#min yoongi#bts fanfic#bts x reader#yoongi x y/n#yoongi fic#yoongi angst#yoongi au#yoongi fluff#bts yoongi#arranged marriage au
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Season 2, Episode 20 - What Is And What Should Never Be (Part One)
Series Masterlist
Author's Note: Hi beauties! Another late update because I started working full time again and I barely even have time for myself. I'm warning you, my updates are going to be much slower from now on. I'm so sorry😭❤️
I know the season finale is next but I will definitely try my absolute best to finish them in time but the only day I get to write now is literally Sunday since its my only day off 💔i said it once, and I’ll say it again I HATE ADULTING
Alright, enough of my rambling. I hope you guys enjoy it!! <3
____________________________________________
Third Person POV
Joliet, Illinois
Lynyrd Skynyrd’s ‘Saturday Night Special’ was blasting through the Impala’s deck as Dean drove. His phone rang and he instantly picked it up upon seeing Y/N’s contact. “Yeah?” Dean answered, “There’s a cop car outside” Y/N whispered into the phone that was on speaker, currently holed up in her motel room with Sam and Jo.
She slightly creased the curtain, standing at the window with a worried expression. “You think it’s for us?” Dean asked. “We don't know” Sam responded, moving from his bed where he and Jo sat to speak into the phone next to Y/N. “I don’t see how it could be for you guys. You ditched the plates, the credit cards.” Jo chimed in. Sam and Y/N let out a breath of relief when the cop car drove away.
“They’re leaving. False alarm” Y/N told Dean as Sam moved back to his bed. “See. There's nothing to worry about, sweetheart” Dean assured her. “Yeah, being fugitives is a fucking dance party” Y/N sassed, pacing the room. Sam snorted at her humor in agreement as he flipped through the books on his bed along with Jo. They were currently hunting a Djinn.
“Hey, chicks dig the danger vibe.” Dean chuckled, “Isn’t that right, Jo? You can’t tell me knowing Sammy is a wanted man isn’t getting your knickers in a twist” Dean’s amused voice boomed through the speaker. Jo blushed and flipped him off even though she knew he couldn’t see her before she rolled her eyes.
“Don’t talk about my knickers, prick!” She retorted as Y/N buckled over in laughter. “That’s not exactly a no, asshole” Dean teased, hearing Y/N’s laugh in the background. Sam threw himself down on his bed, covering his face with a pillow and groaned. “I can’t listen to this,” he complained in a muffled tone.
“Leave the lovebirds alone” Y/N joked after sobering up from her laughter, this made Jo toss a pillow at her as Sam groaned again. Y/N quickly dodged it, blowing Jo a playful kiss. “You got anything?” Y/N asked, changing the subject. “Are you kidding me? How could I? You got me sitting through, like, 50 square miles of real estate here” Dean sassed, making Y/N roll her eyes.
“Well that’s where all the victims disappeared” Y/N pointed out as Sam finally uncovered his face and returned to flipping through his books. “Yeah, well. I got diddly squat. What about you guys?” Dean asked, Y/N looked over at Sam hopefully. He shrugged before gesturing for her to hand him the phone. She did just that.
“We got just one thing. I’m pretty sure of it now. We’re hunting a Djinn” Sam told Dean. “A fucking genie?” Dean cackled, “Yeah.” Sam nodded as Jo tossed her feet up on his lap and Y/N dug through her bag to get her cigarettes. “So what? You think these suckers can really grant wishes?” Dean mused as Y/N lit her cigarette.
“We don’t know. I guess they’re powerful enough. But not exactly like Barbara Eden in harem pants” Jo chimed in as Sam ran his hands up and down her shins. “Yeah, I mean, djinn have been feeding off of people for centuries. They’re all over the Koran” Sam added as Y/N propped herself up on the window still. “My God. Barbara Eden was hot, wasn’t she?” Dean muttered.
“Damn straight. Way hotter than that Bewitched chick” Y/N agreed from across the room. Sam scoffed in annoyance as Jo rolled her eyes, the two shooting Y/N a judgemental look. “Are you two even listening to me?” Sam chastised Dean and Y/N. The psychic pursed her lips, trying to hide her amused smile as she took a drag from her cigarette.
“Ahem. Yeah. So where do the djinns lair up?” Dean asked, clearing his throat. “Ruin, usually. The bigger, the better. More places to hide” Sam explained to him. “Yeah. I think I saw a place a couple miles back. I’m gonna go check it out” Dean told them. Sam’s hands paused on Jo’s shin as he and Y/N’s eyes widened with panic.
Y/N quickly crushed her cigarette in her ashtray, darting over to snatch the phone from Sam. “Are you stupid?! Come pick us up first” Y/N said firmly, “Nah. I’m sure it’s nothing. I just wanna take a look around” Dean assured her. Sam, Jo and Y/N shared an unsure look as Dean hung up the phone.
Y/N sighed heavily, stuffing her phone into her pocket. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this” Sam muttered, worry plastered on his face, “Me too” Y/N agreed.
-
Meanwhile, Dean pulled in-front of the old warehouse. A storm was coming as the thunder clapped. He abruptly exited the Impala, shutting the door as he took out his flashlight. Dean clicked on his flashlight, shining it around the dark surroundings before heading towards the building.
The large door on the front of the building was already open, slightly creaking as it rocked a bit back and forth thanks to the wind. Dean stepped in, immediately noticing all the cobwebs and piles of dirt and sand everywhere. He glanced around with his flashlight, noticing the piles of clothing lying among the debris, and the sound of footsteps made his ears perk up.
He immediately clutched his knife dipped in lamb’s blood, clenching his jaw. Dean stepped closer to the sound of the footsteps, his footsteps light and his ears on high alert. The footsteps continued, and Dean felt his heartbeat start thumping in his ears as the dread started to fill his stomach.
Suddenly, the djinn lunged out from behind a pile of clothes. It was a flash, one moment Dean was simply walking and the next his back was slammed backwards against a wall. The back of his head stung and he was briefly disoriented, dropping his knife as white spots danced in his vision.
Dean grunted as the Djinn’s hand gripped his throat, trying to fight the monster off. The Djinn’s eyes flashed a dark shade of blue, along with his hand. Dean struggled and grunted as the Djinn pressed his glowing tatted hand to his forehead, the hunter’s eyes rolling to the back of his head as he fell in a sleep-like state.
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Dean’s Dream World
Lawrence, Kansas
Dean gasped awake in the middle of the night to thunder clapping. His eyes wide as he struggled for breath. He found himself in an unfamiliar bed with a naked woman next to him. He tilted his head in confusion as he leaned down to see who the woman was, the last thing he remembered was getting attacked by the Djinn.
Dean’s jaw plummeted to the ground when it turned out the woman next to him was Y/N, a blanket lazily draped over her chest, her back facing him. Dean began to panic instantly, wondering how in the fuck he ended up in bed…naked…next to Y/N fucking L/N.
His eyes drifted down to her lower back to see her anti possession tattoo was not there. His heart was in his ass at this point.
He sat up quickly, his eyes wide as the realization of the situation hit him. He put his hand up to his head and groaned. He glanced at Y/N’s sleeping form and swallowed the lump in his throat when he saw her eyes were shut. “Motherfucker” He mumbled, glancing at the clock on the bedside table.
4:32 A.M. He slowly removed the covers, silently standing up and grabbing his jeans off ground and quickly got dressed.
-
Now fully dressed, Dean exited the bedroom, strolling around the unfamiliar house. Not in any way used to the environment. He had no idea what the hell was going on. He switched on a light and did what his mind instantly told him to do. He called his little brother.
“Dean?” Sam answered, confused as to why his brother was calling him at this ungodly hour. “Sam?” Dean whispered in relief, trying to keep his voice at bay. “What’s going on?” Sam asked, concerned. “I don’t know where the fuck I am man” Dean told him. “What? What happened?” Sam gasped, now worried.
“Well, the uh, the djinn. It attacked me” Dean told him, running his hand over his face. “The gin? You’re drinking gin?” Sam’s brows furrowed. “No, dumbass. The djinn! The scary creature, remember?” Dean exclaimed lowly. “It put its hand on me and then I woke up in bed next to Y/N!!” Dean explained, his heart pounding out of his chest.
“You mean your fiancée?” Sam snorted. Dean’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped to the ground in surprise. “My WHAT!?” He exclaimed, eyes going even wider if possible. “My fiancée? When the fuck did that happen” He repeated, absolutely flabbergasted.
“Dean, you’re drunk. You’re drunk dialing me” Sam shook his head as he laughed. “No, I am not drunk! Quit fucking around!!” Dean exclaimed lowly, “Look. It’s late. Alright? Just get some sleep and I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” Sam brushed it off, instructing his brother to sleep it off. “Wait. Sam! Sam!!” Dean gritted his teeth but the line went dead.
-
Palo Alto, California
Sam chuckled to himself, shaking his head as he sighed deeply before shutting his Criminal Law and Procedure book.
-
Lawrence, Kansas
Y/N heard Dean arguing and slowly awoke, eyes wide with confusion as she sat up and looked around. She realized Dean wasn’t in the bed with her anymore and her stomach dropped. She glanced at the bathroom, it was quiet so he couldn’t be in there. She then saw a faint light coming from the hallway.
Outside, Dean groaned as he looked around nervously. He quickly stuffed his phone into his pocket, his eyes landing on a stack of mail that was placed neatly ontop of the dining room table. His eyes widened again when he picked it up to see, ‘Y/N L/N. #53 Barker Ave. Lawrence, Kansas’ written on the first letter.
Inside their shared room, Y/N pulled the covers off her body before wrapping her light blue robe around her and slowly padded out into the hall, peering into the kitchen to see Dean rifling through mail.
“Lawrence?” Dean muttered to himself, sifting through the mail. ‘Dean Winchester. #53 Barker Ave. Lawrence, Kansas’ was written on the next letter. “What the fuck????” Dean mumbled, his heart stopped when a sleepy voice behind him said. “Charming?” He spun around to see Y/N, clutching her robe to her chest.
“What are you doing up?” Her soft voice of concern honeyed his ears. “Hey…Y/N” Dean said sheepishly as his ‘fiancée’ approached him. His heart beating out of his chest. “Y/N. I just- uh-” Dean stammered, “Oh, you can’t sleep, huh?” She cut him off in a sultry tone, running her hands over his chest. His eyes glanced down at his left hand to see a very familiar ring placed neatly on her ring finger.
The ring his father gave him the day he died belonged to his mother. Sam was indeed not lying when he said that Y/N was his fiancée. Dean’s breath got caught in his throat at Y/N’s touch and the tone in her volume. “Yeah,” Dean chuckled nervously. “Well, why don’t you come back to bed and let’s see if I can do anything to help?” Y/N suggested, her voice low as she snaked her arms around his neck.
Dean shivered involuntarily when Y/N wrapped her arms around his neck. He felt his whole body stiffen as her fingers traced the nape of his neck. His cheeks began to heat up as his eyes looked down at her, the blue robe she was wearing hugged her body perfectly. The low tone of her voice sent a small jolt down to the pit of his stomach.
“Well- um- Princess- ” He mumbled nervously as he tried to make an excuse. He didn’t get a chance to say anything again when she attached her lips to his. Dean’s eyes widened as Y/N’s lips crashed onto his own. He let out a small gasp of surprise against her mouth at her sudden movement.
His brain shut down as his hands automatically moved to grab her waist. Dean shut his eyes, groaning in the back of his throat at the feel of her lips finally against his. But it didn’t feel right. It felt off, he knew the Djinn had something to do with this but he couldn’t wrap his mind around it since the love of his life, the woman he believed didn’t him love back, Y/N fucking L/N’s tongue was down his throat.
The kiss deepened as she parted her lips for him and slowly began to pull him back towards the bedroom. Dean’s brain was screaming to stop. This wasn’t what he wanted, but the feel of her lips against his. The way her tongue was exploring his mouth. It was driving him crazy. And he couldn’t stop himself from kissing her back.
His tongue slipped into her mouth, moving against hers. He moaned low, the sound getting muffled by the kiss. He backed her up against the wall of the hallway, pinning her there with his body.
SNAP OUT OF IT WINCHESTER!
“No, no. Stop” Dean whined, forcefully peeling himself away from her. He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t have sex with her. As much as he wanted to, so fucking badly. He couldn’t do it. Not like this.
Y/N’s eyes widened in surprise and her smile faded from her face at his words. “Huh?” She said, her voice barely above a whisper. She leaned her back against the wall and tilted her neck to look up at him. “Why?” She asked confused as he ran hand through his hair, putting a decent amount of distance between y/n and him.
She stepped closer to him again, placing her hands on his chest. “C’mon baby.” She whispered in a seductive tone, a small smirk on her lips, “What’s wrong? You’re not one to deny sex” She asked concerned. Dean swallowed the lump in his throat as she spoke, his breathing becoming a bit more labored.
“Y/N, I- ” He began, his mind racing to find words to explain the situation. But then Y/N pressed chest to his, her palms pressing into his chest. Dean’s mind immediately went blank as she looked up at him with those damn eyes. That damn look is gonna kill him. “I’m just tired, sweetheart” Dean lied fluidly, praying she’ll take the bait.
Y/N’s expression softened a bit as she stared up at him. She could tell it was a lie, by his facial expressions, but she didn’t push him for answers. “Oh, baby” She said tenderly, her hand moving up to caress his cheek. “Why don’t you come back to bed then. I’ll just hold you. How does that sound?” She asked, her voice sweet as honey.
Dean’s heart skipped a beat as she placed her hand on his cheek. Getting held by Y/N didn't sound like a bad idea right about now. His eyes flicked down to her lips, wanting to kiss her again.
God, it’d be so easy.
He closed his eyes for a moment and inhaled deeply, leaning his head against hers. “You go ahead, I’m right behind you” He whispered. Dean wanted this to be real, he was praying it was. Y/N’s lips curled into a soft smile at his reply. She brushed her thumb over his cheek before standing on her tiptoes to kiss his forehead softly.
“Alright, don’t take too long” She whispered, patting his shoulder before making her way back to the bedroom. At the doorway, she gave him one last glance before heading back into the bedroom.
Dean groaned under his breath as he watched her disappear into the room. What the hell was he supposed to do now? Dean’s mind was racing. This was all wrong. How the hell did he end up naked in bed with his friend who he was secretly in love with but also his supposed ‘fiancée’?
This was all some sick game the djinn was playing with him. Dean knew they possibly granted wishes, it was no secret that Dean wished for y/n to be his…could it be? Could the Djinn have actually given him what he desperately wanted? Even though he never said it out loud, is it possible the Djinn knew somehow?
Dean began to investigate the house, peering around the living room. He took in the pictures of him and y/n that were placed neatly around the room. Pictures of them on vacation with y/n wearing a big floppy hat, pink two piece bikini and Dean in a matching white shirt with pink swim trunks on.
Dean’s heart nearly leaped out of his chest as he picked up a photo of him and y/n at a beach. It was summer, both of them were soaked, and both was wearing bright smiles with shades on. Dean’s hand trembled as he observed the picture.
He set it down before walking over to the bookshelf, he let his fingers brush over the spines of each book. He was trying to look for a clue, anything to tell him this wasn’t real.
He went back to looking at the pictures. A small smile gracing his face when his eyes landed on a frame that held a picture of the two hugging. Y/N had a big grin on her face, holding out her hand to the camera, showcasing her engagement ring while Dean’s eyes were trapped on her. The starstruck gaze he had on her in the picture was oozing with love and admiration. The two seemed to be at a concert in the picture.
Dean felt his heart swell as he took in the picture. He had no recollection of any of these memories. Curiosity got the best of him, so he turned the picture frame around and took the picture out. Written on the back was ‘Bon Jovi, Nashville Tennesse. February 14th, 2006. She said yes!’ In his handwriting.
His heart leaped to his throat again as he read the writing. This must be when he proposed to her. He sat down on the couch, a wave of emotions washed over him. His fingers trembled as he stared down at the picture in his hand.
Dean’s eyes scanned the room once again, his eyes landing on a particular picture. He thought he was gonna cry upon seeing it, his entire world stopped. Dean Winchester dropped the picture frame, the glass shattering on the ground and instantly left the house.
____________________________________________
The Impala pulled up to the Winchester residence, the L/N residence right across from theirs. Both houses were still intact, the L/N residence not burnt to a crisp. Dean shakily stepped out of the Impala, shutting the door behind him.
He walked up the porch and began banging on the door harshly, ringing the bell a few times until the light came on outside. The door opened to reveal a very alive and well Mary Winchester, a worried expression etched on her face. “Dean?” She said softly, sleep potent in her voice, clutching her robe to her chest.
Dean's eyes widened, tears welling up at his emerald irises. “Mom?” Dean gasped, “What are you doing here? Are you alright?” Mary asked her son, concerned. Dean gulped, unsure of how to feel at this exact moment. “I don’t know” He croaked. “Well, come inside” Mary ushered him inside. His body was stiff, still in shock but he managed to pull himself inside.
“Y/N just called and said you took off all of a sudden” Mary said as she shut the door behind her. “Y/N? Right…” Dean muttered, he can’t seem to tear his eyes away from his mother. His very alive mother. “Let me ask you a question. When I was a kid, what did you and Mrs. L/N always tell me when you put me to bed?” Dean asked as he swallowed hard, he wanted this to be real.
Mary’s brows furrowed in confusion as she folded her arms across her chest, “Dean, I don’t understand-” She was cut off, “Just answer the question” Dean snapped. His mothers eyes softened, “We told you angels were watching over you” Mary answered, Dean felt as though he was about to break down into pieces.
“I don’t believe it” Dean almost sobbed before pulling his mother into a tight hug. Mary grunted in surprise as her son’s strong arms engulfed her. Confused from the random show of appreciation, “Honey, you’re scaring me” The motherly tone in her voice echoed through his ears as she gently rubbed his back. “What’s going on?”
“You don’t think that wishes can- can really-?” Dean stammered, his words getting lost in his throat. “What?” Mary asked confused, “Forget it” Dean smiled, pulling his mother into a hug again that he longed for since he was a little boy. “Forget it. I’m just, uh— I’m happy to see you, that’s all” Dean held back his tears as he buried his face in his mother’s hair.
His brows creased, his breath constricting in his throat as he melted into the embrace before pulling away, “You're beautiful” Dean chuckled tearfully before pulling away. “What?” Mary gasped confused. The padding of footsteps made Dean’s ears perk up, his head swung around to see M/N, squinting her sleepy eyes at him.
F/N wasn’t in town, he was coming back tomorrow and M/N never liked staying alone in her house. So, it became tradition whenever either of their husbands went out of town, M/N and Mary would sleep in each other's guest room. Clutching her own robe to her chest, “Dean, what are you doing here?” Y/N’s mom asked him, equally confused.
“I-uh” Dean started, his words caught in his tongue again as he saw Y/N’s mom. Her hair was tousled, her eyes were tired and squinty from being dragged out of a dead sleep. “Mrs. L/N!?” Dean gasped, now engulfing his soon to be mother-in-law in a tight hug.
She was alive. His mother was alive. It was all surreal.
M/N chuckled and patted his back as she returned the hug with her own. Mary just stared at the two with a slight smile on her face. “It’s great to see you too, hun. But why are you here, now of all times?” She asked as she pulled a little away to look up at him.
“Uh- I uh- just missed you guys” Y/N’s mother chuckled at his words and pinched his cheek. “Aren’t you a sweet thing?” She teased, her lips curving into a small smile. “Did Y/N kick you out of the house again?”
Dean’s smile faltered slightly. He felt on the verge of tears again, the only thing keeping him grounded was the feel of M/N in his arms. Just the mention of Y/N set him off again. This time his lips started to tremble when he spoke.
“No- uh- I just-” He began but his voice was cracking. M/N could sense he was on the verge of tears and gently caressed his face. “Okay, sweetie calm down. You’re alright” She whispered in a motherly tone.
Dean felt his bottom lip tremble again. He hasn’t been comforted like this since he was four. He leaned into the comfort of his future mother-in-law. His eyes fluttered closed as M/N’s fingers gently touched his skin, he could practically hear her say ‘You’re okay, baby’.
“I’m fine,” Dean assured her shakily, pulling away from her gently. A broad smile on his face as he cleared his throat, wiping his mouth. His eyes scanned the room, staring at the picture frames that were propped up all about. “Hey, when I was- when I was young, was there ever a fire here? Or at your house?” Dean asked them.
Both women shared a confused look, “No. Never” Mary told him as Dean walked around the room. He saw a few pictures of both their families.
Of him and Sam as kids with their parents, seemingly on vacation.
One of Sam and Y/N, they looked to be in their teens, smashing cake in each other’s faces.
Another of Sam and Y/N wearing a graduation cap and gown, both holding up high school diplomas, Dean wasn't in this picture.
And another of Dean and Y/N, he was wearing a light colored dress shirt, dark jeans. His arm wrapped around Y/N, grins spread across their faces as he wore her graduation cap. This time, Y/N was holding up her degree.
A few more were framed of Sam, Dean and Y/N going to prom. Looking almost exactly like the ones they took years ago.
There was another one of the trio sitting on a couch, their arms folded across their chests and Y/N was sitting in the middle of the boys. It reminded Dean of a picture Bobby made their take years ago as teenagers.
There were more of Y/N and her parents, along with some of all three kids when they were young and another unfamiliar little girl who looked quite similar to Y/N with F/N and M/N. Dean tilted his head in confusion but brushed it off.
Dean’s heart swelled as he looked at the pictures, “I guess I was wrong” Dean mumbled, his eyes widened when his eyes landed on a picture of F/N and John, wielding softball bats, “Dad and Mr. L/N are on a softball team” Dean gasped. He turned to Mary and M/N who seemed to be still confused before clearing his throat.
“Their softball team. That’s funny to me” He covered up his stammering as he took in the picture. The idea of either men on a softball team was wild to him. Mary’s eyes landed on the ground as a sympathetic look took over M/N’s face. “He loved that stupid team” Mary mumbled, M/N noticed her friend’s look of heartbreak and gently placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.
Dean’s face dropped, his eyes snapping back to his mother. “Dad’s dead?” Dean asked, both Mary and M/N tilted their head at him from his question. Dean quickly recuperated, “And the thing that killed him was a-” He tried to find out. “A stroke. He died in his sleep, you know that” M/N said, shaking her head at him as tears welled up in Mary’s eyes.
As much as hearing his father was dead hurt him, Dean was happy to hear that his father didn’t go out the way he originally, “And F/N?” He asked M/N hopefully, “Out of town, you know that, it’s why M/N is here” Mary said, furrowing her eyebrows at her son. Dean nodded sheepishly before saying, “That’s great”
“Excuse me?” Mary gasped, Dean’s eyes widened when he realized how his words must’ve sounded. “That- that’s great. That he went peacefully, I mean it- and F/N fine….it’s sure beats the alternative” He said softly, placing the photo back down. Mary and M/N shared a knowing look, “You’ve been drinking” Mary pointed out.
“No, I haven’t. Mom” Dean sighed, assuring her. M/N nodded, not wanting to press anymore. “I’m just gonna call Y/N and have her come pick you up, okay?” M/N said calmly, taking her hand off of Mary’s shoulder to pick up the landline. “Wait. No. No, don’t do-” Dean quickly stopped her, holding her hand gently to place the landline back down.
“Don’t do that. Don’t do that” He begged, taking a proper look at her. “I wanna stay here” Dean told them, their faces contorted in confusion again. “Why?” Mary asked. “Because. I-i- I miss the place” Dean sheepishly lied. Mary and M/N shared a look again, both confused at what the hell was going on.
“It’s okay. You two go to bed, okay?” Dean assured them, moving to sit on the couch as he continued to scan the place with his eyes. Mary walked over to her son, placing a gentle hand on his face. “Are you sure you’re alright?” She asked him, the maternal tone potent. Dean’s heart swelled, his eyes softening. “I think so” He croaked, holding back tears again.
“Okay” Mary said sweetly, placing a kiss on his forehead. Dean leaned into the touch and the kiss, still trying not to cry. Mary pulled away and gave her son a small smile, “We’ll be in our rooms if you need us. I love you” The mother told him. M/N nodded in agreement as she and Mary turned to slowly walk out of the room.
“Me too,” Dean said softly. “I’ll get you a blanket” M/N told him gently. “Thanks” Dean croaked out, his voice low as he heard their footsteps fade away. He let out a shaky breath as his head fell into his hands.
He let himself take in a moment to process everything. Seeing his mother and m/n alive again, seeing them full of light and life again. Hearing that his father passed peacefully. Knowing that F/N was alive and well himself. This was the life he always longed for. The life he always secretly wanted.
Dean exhaled another shaky breath. ‘You’re okay. They’re all okay’ He assured himself, wiping his mouth as a tear rolled down his cheek. But it didn’t feel right, that little voice at the back of his head was telling him that this is not what he thinks it is. Not what he wants it to be.
He looked up when he heard footsteps re-enter the room, his eyes landing on Y/N’s mom as she walked toward him with a blanket in her hands.
She stopped at the edge of the couch before she gently laid the blanket over him. Dean’s body tensed as he felt the fabric being pulled over his lap. A feeling he hasn’t experienced for a very long time. M/N seemed to notice his tenseness, her eyebrows slightly furrowing, “What’s wrong?” She gently asked.
“Nothing” Dean replied, his eyes not leaving the blanket that rested against his legs. “Just tired” He muttered, shifting his body so he laid down as he leaned against the pillows. M/N gave him a soft smile. “I know that” She said softly before leaning down and placing a kiss on his temple.
Dean melted at the feeling on his skin again, closing his eyes and relishing the comfort he got from this simple action. It’s a feeling he always craved but never got. M/N gently pushed his hair away and gave his cheek an affectionate pinch. “Get some rest, honey, okay?” The woman told him gently.
Dean opened his eyes and met M/N’s loving stare, fighting the urge to cry again. “I will” He mumbled, a lump in his throat slowly forming. M/N smiled and gave him one last pat to the cheek before she pulled away, turning on her heel to head down the hall to the guest room. leaving him alone in the living room.
The second she was gone, a soft “Fuck” escaped his lips as a tear rolled down his cheek again. Dean allowed himself to succumb to the comfort, his mind finally stopped racing, the darkness of a peaceful sleep taking him over.
-
The next morning, Dean woke up on the couch. He shot up from his position after his eyes fluttered open.
It was real? It wasn’t a dream? What the fuck is going on?
He ran a frustrated hand through his hair as he stared at the picture frames again, his heart still aching from the comfort he’d received. He shook his head. “No. Something’s not right” He whispered to himself, his eyes landing back on the picture of him and Y/N on prom night.
He did the only thing he could think to do in a moment like this. He called his little brother. Dean fished his phone out of his pocket, dialing in Sam’s number but it went to voicemail. “Hey, it’s me. I can’t come to the phone-” He shut his phone, taking a deep breath.
He had to figure out what the fuck was going on, what this djinn did to him, or gave him.
____________________________________________
“Well I don’t think I’ve seen you in my class before” The professor said to Dean, leaning back in his chair. Dean sat across from the professor in his office, immediately going to the Lawrence local college for any answers on this Djinn. “You kidding me? I love your lectures. You- you make learning fun” Dean chuckled, pointing to the teacher who chuckled in response.
“So, what can I do for you?” The Professor asked. “What can you tell me about djinns?” Dean asked, clasping his hands in front of him as he leaned into his chair.
-
Now infront of several books filled with lore, “Well, a lot of Muslims believe the djinn are very real. They’re me times in the Koran” The Professor explained, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, i know. Get to the wish part” Dean said impatiently. “What about it?” The professor furrowed his brows. “Do you think they could really do it?” Dean asked.
The professor looked baffled, “Uh…no. No, I don't think they can really do it. But, you understand that these are mythic creatures?” The Professor pointed out. “Yeah. No, I know, I know. But, uh, I mean, in the stories” Dean clarified. “You know, say you had a wish, uh-” He cleared his throat, gulping before continuing.
“-but you never even said it out loud. You know, like that- uh. Some loved ones never died or something awful never happened. Or…uh...the girl you love starts loving you back? Is it possible?” Dean asked, swallowing harshly. “Supposedly, yes” The Professor shrugged. “I mean, they have godlike power. They can Alter reality however they want. Past, present, future” The Professor explained.
“Why would the djinn do it?” Dean queried, leaning down to look at the books as the Professor eyed him suspiciously. “What, self defense? Or maybe it’s not really evil” Dean muttered, hoping that he could stay in this reality. This beautiful, dreamlike reality. “Son?” The Professor asked, concerned. “Hmm?” Dean hummed.
“You been drinking?” The Professor questioned, his brows raised. Dean had to stop himself from laughing, “Everybody keeps asking me that, but, uh, no” He assured him with a cheeky smile.
-
Dean was now outside the college, opening the trunk to the Impala. He snorted upon opening it when his eyes landed on a couple of old magazines and trash in the trunk. “Well, who would’ve thought, Baby? We’re civilians” He chuckled, shutting the trunk.
Dean felt as though someone was watching him, so he looked across the street to see a young girl, looking almost terrified yet calm, staring right back at him. Dean looked shocked and confused as to why this young girl kept her eyes trained on him. Assuming she could be in trouble, he began to approach her.
He moved to walk across the road without looking at both sides and almost got hit by a red pick up. The tired screeching on the road as the driver hit the brakes. The driver beeped their horn and yelled inaudible curses at him as he stood in the middle of the road.
“Ah, sorry” He apologized, holding up his hands apologetically before turning his eyes back to the little girl, only to see she was now gone. Nowhere in sight. Dean felt something off in his stomach as he walked away.
____________________________________________
Now back at the Winchester household, Dean greedily and contently ate a sandwich prepared by his mom. He leaned back in his chair and allowed himself to relish the feeling of a home cooked meal. One of Mary’s favorites to make him, a chicken salad sandwich with extra pickle. A loud moan of content left his throat.
“Mmm. This is the best sandwich ever!” He exclaimed, his mouth filled with food. Mary chuckled lightly from where she was at the sink. “Thank you. M/N made you a pie before she left for the airport to pick up F/N. I’ll get you some”
“Pie?” Dean mumbled, perking up at the mention of it. He hadn’t had M/N’s pie in years, the only person who could almost replicate her recipe was Y/N. And he loved her pie but nothing could compare to M/N’s pie. Mary hummed in response and disappeared into the other room for a short moment.
He waited anxiously in his seat, his eyes bouncing back towards the doorway every other second, waiting for the woman to reappear with the pie. “I tried to get ahold of Sam earlier. Where-? Where is he?” Dean asked through a mouth full of food as he chewed.
“Oh, he’ll be here soon. M/N is picking him up too” Mary replied, setting down a plate of warm apple pie in front of Dean. “Good. Thanks mom, I’m dying to see him” He replied, picking up a fork and dug into the pie immediately. A small hum of contentment escaped his throat.
His eyes fluttered shut, his lips curled into a smile, “Sweetie, uh, don’t get me wrong.” Mary began, sitting across from Dean at the dining table. “I am thrilled you’re hanging out here all of a sudden” Mary said softly, placing her hand on Dean's shoulder before gently brushing her son's face. A content smile spread across Dean’s face, his cheeks still stuffed with pie as she said this.
“But, uh, shouldn’t you be at work?” She asked. “Work?” Dean’s face dropped. “At the garage” Mary said as if it were obvious. “Right. The garage. That’s where I work.” Dean chuckled awkwardly. “Yeah. I’ve got. the day off” Dean said as he took another heaped forkful of pie into his mouth. “Mmm” He moaned as his mother chuckled.
“That’s good. The boss man deserves a day off with how hard you work” Mary said. “Bossman?” Dean mumbled again, confused. “Yeah” Mary chuckled. “The one you and F/N own after your dad left his shares to you in his will?” Mary stated as if he was supposed to know this. Which he was, but obviously, Dean was confused.
A nervous laugh escaped his throat as he tried to compose himself, attempting to act as normal as possible. Mary tilted her head when she saw his bewildered look again before continuing, “Are you sure you haven’t been drinking?” She questioned a second time, her hand still gently resting on her son's face.
A lump formed in his throat as he looked at her. A feeling welling up in his chest. “Yeah, I’m sure, mom” He mumbled, forcing a smile. Mary looked worried for her son, wondering if he started drinking frequently again. But she nodded before pulling away, not wanting to rile him up as his eyes landed on the lawn outside the window. Picking up his pie, Dean padded over to the window.
He leaned down to get a better look before saying, “That lawn looks like it could use some mowing” Dean said excitedly as he stuffed his piehole with…..pie. Mary looked surprised at this, “You wanna mow the lawn?” She asked, amused. “Are you kidding me? I’d love to mow the lawn” Dean said enthusiastically like a kid on Christmas.
“Knock yourself out. I think you’d never mowed a lawn in your life” She snorted, sipping her coffee. Dean shrugged at her words but ignored them, he was just so excited to mow a lawn. The domestication of it all was heartwarming for him.
-
Dean reeled the chain back of the lawn mower, happily pushing the machine around the grass. He struggled a bit but quickly got the hang of it. He noticed a neighbor across the street throwing out trash, so he happily waved to the man, who awkwardly waved back at him.
Dean didn’t think too much of it, instead. He continued mowing the lawn.
-
After finishing up the yard work, Dean sat contently, relaxing on the steps to the porch of his mom’s house. A beer in his hand, He took a swig, “Ahhh” he breathed out. He let his head roll back, his eyes fluttered shut as he took in a deep breath, letting his eyes travel back to the lawn, the sweat on his forehead glistening as it hit the setting sunlight.
His thoughts got interrupted by the sound of a car pulling up, his eyes darted back towards the driveway. His eyes widened when he saw a car pull into the driveway, someone he believed to have been gone appeared. “I don’t believe it” Dean gasped as M/N pulled up with Jessica, Sam, and F/N. Jessica was alive and well.
Dean instantly pulled Jess into a tight hug, grunting as the college student gasped. “Jessica,” Dean said with relief. “Good to see you too, Dean” Jessica chuckled awkwardly, wiggling in his tight grip. “You’re okay” Dean mumbled in her hair. “Dean. Can’t breathe” Jessica groaned, causing Dean to finally let go.
Sam looked a bit confused at his brother, who now had a huge smile on his face, which was pretty rare when it came to him. Dean’s eyes landed on Y/N’s father, who was helping Sam unload the trunk. An almost tearstrucken expression was on Dean’s face, “F/N” Dean pulled him into a bone crushing hug as M/N smiled at the affection Dean displayed.
The two never had that since they were always at each other’s throats, oppositely contrasting real life. F/N’s eyes widened in disbelief and surprise at the hug. He instantly brushed him off, leading Dean to be confused. “It’s Mr. L/N to you, son,” He said sternly.
Dean’s smile faded as he looked at Y/N’s dad, slightly shocked. He took a step back, letting out an uncomfortable chuckle as he muttered an apology, “Right. Sorry, Mr. L/N” Dean said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, shooting a glance at Sam who shrugged in response.
M/N’s smile dropped at his rude response, she smacked her husband on his arm roughly. “Be nice!” She chastised him as Sam and Jessica shared an amused look. F/N winced and rubbed his arm where his wife smacked him before he let out a laugh, “Hey! I was nice” He protested. The corners of Dean’s mouth curled into a smile as he shoved his free hand in his pocket.
M/N rolled her eyes in response at her husband’s usual stern behavior to Dean before turning to him. “Tell your mom we’ll be right over, honey. We’re just gonna put his stuff away” M/N said gently to Dean, pointing to their house across the street before patting his cheek.
“Of course” Dean smiled, running a hand through his short cut hair. “See y’all in a minute” He called over his shoulder, watching as the married couple walked across the street with the luggage. M/N was firmly pointing at her husband for being rude while he said lowly, “What’d I do? I was nice” F/N protested.
But M/N wasn’t having any of it, “You were rude, and you know you were. You’re always like this with the boy” M/N said, shaking her head at her husband. Dean’s brows furrowed, confused as to why Y/N’s father seemed to not like him. But he brushed it off, shaking the thought.
“Sammy, look at you!” Dean then turned to his little brother, patting him on his shoulder. “You’re with Jessica, that's- I don’t believe it” Dean chuckled as Sam smiled. “Yeah” Sam said a little awkwardly. “Where'd you guys come from?” Dean asked the crew. “We just flew in from California” Sam Said as if Dean was supposed to know that.
“California! Stanford, huh? Law school, I bet” Dean exclaimed excitedly. Sam slightly scoffed at his enthusiasm, “I see you started off Mom’s birthday with a bang, as usual” Sam said with a bit of judgment, gesturing to his beer. Dean blinked twice, “Wait, Mom’s birthday. That’s- That’s today?��� Dean stuttered.
Sam raised his brows at his brother, “Yeah. Yeah, Dean. That’s today. That’s why we’re here. Don’t tell me you forgot” Sam shook his head at him in disapproval. Dean gulped slightly, feeling guilty for not knowing, even though there was no way he could’ve even known.
____________________________________________
Later that night, the Winchester’s and L/N’s were dining at quite an exquisite restaurant for Mary’s birthday. The table was filled with chatter and laughter, “Wow, that- that looks awesome” Dean said sarcastically with a grimace as the waiter set down his food, which was practically asparagus on a stick. The table erupted in laughter as Y/N gently placed her hand on her fiancé’s thigh.
“Alright. To Mom, Happy Birthday” Sam put up his wine in a toast, “Happy Birthday” Y/N and Jess both said to her as everyone raised their glasses. Mary smiled happily, letting the warm feeling spread through her chest as she thanked her family. Jessica then leaned over to place a kiss on Sam’s lips.
Dean looked at the pair with awe, a warm feeling in his chest, he was beyond relieved to see his little brother happy. Though, he did wonder about Jo. But he put two and two together in his head, realizing that they met Jo on a hunt. So since they have a normal life, they never met.
“I was really worried about you last night” Y/N said softly to him, causing Dean to break his gaze away from the couple. “Oh, I’m- I’m good. I’m really good” Dean assured her, his heart skipping a beat at the feeling of her hand gently caressing his thigh. “Okay” Y/N nodded, though she didn’t believe him, but she decided not to push.
Her eyes flickered down to Dean’s very unappetizing looking food, a coy smile on her face. “Why don’t you say later we get you a cheeseburger and we can watch American Pie on Blu-Ray” Y/N said in a suggestive tone. “Oh God, yes” Dean almost moaned at the thought, causing Y/N to snort in response as lightly bit her lip.
Cheeseburgers and American Pie were code for “food and sex” when it comes to them. But Dean didn’t know that yet.
“How did I end up with such an amazing woman” Dean said with awe. A smile spread across Y/N features as she gently squeezed her fiancé’s thigh. “I’ve just got low standards” She joked. Dean snorted as He looked at her lovingly, a small smile on his face as his eyes roamed her features.
“What?” Y/N asked suddenly as she caught Dean studying her. He shook his head in response as he said softly, “Nothing. Just admiring you, as always” Y/N’s eyes softened at his response before leaning over to place a small gentle kiss on his lips.
F/N narrowed his eyes at his daughter and soon-to-be son-in-law, but said nothing as he glanced over at the young couple, shaking his head slightly as he took a sip of his wine. His wife shot him another stern look, firmly pointing her finger at her husband in a manner that said, ‘Behave’. F/N sighed deeply, giving an almost bored look at his wife before turning back to his food, a grumpy look on his face.
Sam cleared his throat, “Alright, Jess and I actually have another surprise for Mom’s birthday” Sam began before turning to Jess. “Uh, you wanna tell them?” He asked her. “They’re your family” Jess said shyly, “What? Tell me what?” Mary asked curiously, Sam then lifted Jess’ hand to display her engagement ring.
Dean’s jaw dropped as gasps were heard around the table. “Sam!” He exclaimed, his eyes moving from Jess’ hand to his little brother, shock still written on his features. Y/N placed her hand over her mouth, excitement radiating off of her as Mary and M/N clapped their hands together, a huge smile on their face, “Oh, my God! You’re getting married!” Mary cried, bringing a hand up to her lips.
The older woman instantly got up along with M/N And Y/N. “That’s so wonderful!” Mary exclaimed as she pulled Jess into a hug. “Thank you” Jess smiled as Mary let go. “Congratulations, honey” M/N Said as she hugged the young girl. “Thank you, Mrs. L/N” Jess giggled before turning to Y/N after her mom let her go.
Y/N pulled her into a tight hug as she exclaimed, “We’re both gonna be Winchesters!” A smile spread across Jess’ features as she pulled away, “I know. I’m so excited!” Jess gushed. Y/N pulled back and held Jess’ hands in hers. “Let me see that ring,” She said expectantly.
Jess giggled as she held her hand out before Y/N gently took it, admiring the ring. “It’s so beautiful” Y/N commented, letting go of Jess’s hand and turning to Sam. She gave him a quick thumbs up as Dean got up to give Jess a tight bear hug, lifting her up slightly from the floor as Mary hugged Sam. “I just wish your dad was here” Mary said to her younger son.
“Yeah, me too” Sam said softly to his mother, hugging her tighter before pulling away. Dean then moved to shake his little brother's hand, “Congratulations, Sammy” Dean said sincerely as Sam eyed him weirdly at the term ‘Sammy’. “Thanks,” Sam said gratefully, “I’m really glad you’re happy. Even if it’s not with Jo, I know you loved Jess” Dean’s words spewed out of his mouth without thinking.
Sam raised his eyes at his brother, confusion written on his face, "What are you talking about?” He questioned, "Who’s Jo?" Dean’s mouth slightly went agape when he realized what he said but he didn’t get a chance to clear up his words, due to the girl from earlier that day appearing at the corner of the restaurant.
Dean’s eyes wide fed as he pushed past his brother, immediately rushing over to the girl. He brushed past a few people, his eyes leaving the young girl for a split second, only for her to disappear again, gone into thin air.
Everyone at the table looked at Dean with confusion as he turnt back to them gulping, F/N especially with a look of disapproval aimed in his direction as he crossed his arms over his chest, shaking his head.
____________________________________________
The two families were laughing and chattering as they reentered the Winchester residence. “So, Dean, what was all that back at the restaurant?” Sam asked his brother as they walked into the living room, all the ladies were talking amongst themselves as he said. “Oh, I thought I saw someone. I’m sure its nothing” Dean assured him.
“Well, I had a lovely birthday. Thank you” Mary said sincerely to everyone. “Goodnight” Everyone Said in unison as Jess And Y/N blew kisses to their future mother-in-law. Mary smiled as she started to rub her eyes. “Goodnight” She said, blowing kisses to everyone before wrapping her arms around M/N, drawing her in for a tight hug.
“Thank you for baking the cake, it was delicious” Mary said to her best friend with much gratitude. “It was my pleasure as always, Mar” M/N squeezed her back before letting go, moving back to cling to her husband as Mary walked up the stairs. A little yawn left her lips. “I think you and I should hit the hay” F/N chuckled, gently wrapping his arm around his wife’s waist, letting her lean against him.
“Agreed” M/N said, a small smile on her face before turning to her daughter. “Goodnight, baby” M/N said softly. “Goodnight, Mom.” Y/N said as she leaned in to hug her mom, a smile on her face. She then plastered on a fake smile towards her father before awkwardly hugging him.
“Have a great night everyone, love you y/n/n” F/N said to his daughter gently, a bit of despair in his eyes. “You too, daddy” Y/N responded half heartedly. Her dad sighed before shooting Dean one last glare. He then opened his door for his wife, before walking out behind her and shutting the door behind him as Dean smiled awkwardly.
“Yeah, well. I’m beat” Sam said tiredly, “Ready to turn in?” He asked Jess. “Sure” Jess nodded. “Alright, night guys” Sam smiled at everyone, “Goodnight” Y/N muttered But Dean’s face dropped. “Hey, hey. Wait a second, wait a second. Come on, it’s not even 9 o'clock yet.” Dean protested. “Let’s, uh, let’s go have a drink or something” Dean suggested.
Y/N shrugged in agreement, not minding the idea of hanging out with everyone. “Maybe another time,” Sam said, a little irritated. “Come on, man. Look at us. I mean, we both have beautiful women on our arms. We’re both engaged. Let’s go celebrate!” Dean chuckled, smacking Sam on his chest lightly.
A silence fell in the room due to the way Sam was looking at Dean, “Guys, can you excuse us. I just wanna talk to my brother” Sam said to the ladies politely. “Sure. Come on, Y/N” Jess shrugged, gesturing for both her and Y/N to leave. “Thanks,” Sam smiled but Y/N narrowed her eyes at Sam.
“Don’t start, Samuel” She whispered in a warning tone before following Jessica out of the kitchen. Sam raised his hands in defense, “Won’t do anything” He assured her as she, as well as Jess, left the room. Y/N him one last pointed look over her shoulder before shutting the door behind her.
Sam turned to his brother, an irritated look on his face. “Okay, what’s gotten into you?” He questioned. “What? What do you mean?” Dean asked, confused. “I mean, this whole…warm fuzzy ecstasy-trip thing” Sam narrowed his eyes at Dean. “I’m just happy for you, Sammy,” Dean smiled, patting his brother on his arm. Sam rolled his eyes with a tight smile.
“Yeah. Right. That’s another thing. Since when do you call me Sammy?” Sam scoffed. Dean's brows furrowed, his heart dropping. “Dean, come on. We don’t talk outside of holidays” Sam pointed out. Dean blinked twice in shock, “We don’t?” He asked surprised. “Well, we should. I mean, you’re my brother” Dean chuckled, trying to ignore the tugging pain in his chest.
“You’re my brother?” Sam huffed, shaking his head. “Yeah,” Dean smiled. “You know, that's what you said when you snagged my ATM card. Or when you crashed my car. Or when you bailed on me and Y/N’s high school graduation.” Sam pointed out his multiple mistakes as Dean’s mouth went agape again. “Yeah, that kinda does sound like me,” Dean admitted, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.
“Well, hey man, I’m sorry about all that-” Dean tried to apologize, stepping closer to Sam but he cut him off and stepped away. “No. Look. It’s alright. I just— you know, I’m not asking you to change. I just, uh….I don’t know. I guess we just don’t really have anything in common. You know?” Sam said, shrugging. Dean felt his heart drop in his chest again.
A lump grew in his throat as Sam moved to walk away. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yes, we do. Yes, we do” Dean stammered, pulling Sam back. “What?” Sam raised his brows. “Hunting” Dean took a chance. “Hunting? I’ve never been hunting in my life, Dean” Sam scoffed. Dean swallowed harshly, his heart caught in his throat,
“Yeah, well, we should go sometime. Me, you and Y/N. I think you guys would be great at it” Dean said sadly, this made Sam even more confused. “Y/N? We've barely talked since high school since you two hooked up on our prom night” Sam snorted.
Dean’s heart felt like it had been stabbed as Sam’s words sank in. “What? You guys don’t talk?” He asked in disbelief. Sam shook his head, burying his hands in his pockets as he looked at his brother, still confused. “Why not?” Dean asked genuinely, feeling another pang of pain in his chest, he was trying to wrap his head around all the things that had been said tonight.
He thought that he and Y/N were the best of friends, hell, they were practically siblings, so why would they not talk?
“People just…drift” Sam shrugged, eyeing his brother weirdly. “That fucking sucks, you two were like ring on finger” Dean gaped, shaking his head. “Yeah, well, people change,” Sam said, crossing his arms over his chest. A silence fell between them as Dean took in the newly found information, “Get some rest” Sam said softly to his brother before leaving the room. The shock still evident on Dean’s face.
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It was later that night, Dean and Y/N were back at their own house while Dean sat on the couch in the living room. His mind was racing and stuck on that dreadful conversation he had with Sam. His heart was caught in his throat, a sick feeling churning in his stomach at the fact that he and his brother were not close and neither was his brother and the love of his life.
Y/N noticed Dean was a bit in his head as she entered the living room, a sigh escaped her lips as she padded over to the kitchen. She opened the fridge and took out two beers, she then popped the bottle cap open with a silver ring on her right hand. She then headed back into the living room, offering her fiancé the beer.
Dean’s eyes snapped over to her, his expression softening. “My favorite. I guess you know me pretty well” Dean said softly as he accepted the beer, “Afraid so” Ashe teased, plopping on the couch next to him. “You alright, baby?” Y/N asked gently.
Dean gave her a thin smile before bringing the bottle to his lips and taking a sip of the beverage. The conversation with his brother had really been bugging him. How could they have not been talking? When did they stop talking? And when did Sam and Y/N stop being friends?
“Sammy and I don’t get along. And you guys stopped talking” Dean said, glancing down at the bottle in his hands as Y/N sipped from her own bottle. “Well, you don't really spend a lot of time together and me and Sam sorta just…drifted. It happens, people change. I mean, I just think you dont know each other all that well” Y/N said gently, a small frown on my face.
“And for the record, he doesn't know what he's missing” She added, offering Dean a smile, which he returned. “I could fix things with us. I can make it up to you guys….to everyone” Dean said confidently, nodding. Y/N furrowed her brows in confusion. “Okay…what's gotten into you lately?” She asked with a small chuckle.
“This isnt gonna make a lick of sense to you, princess. But I kinda feel like I've been given a second chance. And I don’t wanna waste it” Dean said wholeheartedly as he stared at Y/N lovingly. Calling her ‘princess’ felt wrong here to him but he didn’t care, he wanted it to be real so bad. “You're right, it doesn't make any sense. But I’m all in” Y/N chuckled.
Dean grinned at her words as he placed a gentle hand on Y/N's thigh "Have I ever told you how beautiful you are," he said softly, his emerald eyes filled with tenderness. Y/N smiled shyly, a light blush spreading across her cheeks, “You only say that every hour” She teased, taking another sip of her beer. “Not that I’m complaining, it gives me an ego boost” She joked.
Dean chuckled along with Y/N, the sound of her laughter music to his ears. The thought that had crossed his mind earlier in the day resurfaced, prompting him to ask her a question. “Hey, princess,” he began. Y/N looked at him expectantly, curious about what he was going to say. “I gotta ask…why does your dad hate me?” Dean asked, tilting his head a bit.
Y/N let out a sigh, a slight frown on her face as she recalled the strained relationship between her father and fiancé. "It's complicated, babe. My dad's just a bit of a control freak, especially when it comes to me" She explained with a hint of frustration.
Dean looked confused, he was used to F/N being controlling in reality but the man never seemed to hate him before. If anything, he adored Dean. So F/N hating Dean right now was foreign to him. “You know, since that night..” Y/N said lowly, Dean was even more confused now.
"Since what night?" Dean asked, a frown forming on his face as he tried to decipher why F/N’s behavior had drastically changed towards him. Y/N took a deep breath before answering, the memory still a bit raw. “Don’t you remember the night of my prom?” She asked. "Well…not exactly" Dean admitted, trying to recall the event, only to come up blank.
Y/N gave him an incredulous look, “You don't remember?” She asked in surprise, her tone almost sounding hurt. Dean’s heart sank at Y/N’s reaction, he hated the thought that he’d done something to hurt her, but he genuinely had no memory of what took place on prom night, at least in this world.
"Look, I'm sorry, princess," Dean began, moving closer to Y/N and taking her hand in his. "I seriously can't remember a thing about that night. Can you tell me what happened?" He asked gently. “We lost our virginities to each other and Dad caught us a couple weeks later hooking up at a motel, how could you not remember that?”
A mixture of realization and shock washed over Dean as Y/N's words sank in. It all made sense now why her father hated him with a fiery passion. “And then he kicked me out the same night when he said he didn’t approve of our relationship” Y/N further explained, caressing Dean’s hand with her thumb.
"Jesus... no wonder he hates me" Dean muttered, running a hand through his hair in disbelief. It all made perfect sense now. But the memory of that night was still a complete blank for him.
"I personally don’t think that's why he doesn’t like you. I think it's because you proved him wrong” Y/N assured Dean. Dean furrowed his brows, puzzled by Y/N's statement. "Proved him wrong? What do you mean?” he asked, genuinely curious as he rest his beer down on the table. “Jesus, charming. What’s going on with your memory?” Y/N chuckled.
Dean cracked a small sheepish grin, realizing how dense he sounded. "Right, sorry. Go on" he chuckled, giving her hand a squeeze. “After he cut me off from my trust fund and John cut you off from yours. You worked your ass off and put me through college. Dad never thought you had it in you, but I knew you did. He has not choice but to respect you, but Dad being Dad is too prideful to admit it”
Dean’s expression softened as Y/N recounted their history. After what Sam told him, it messed with his head. Realizing he was practically the family fuck-up, the black sheep…it hurt him to say the least. But now knowing that Y/N stood beside him through all he had supposedly done and he did whatever it took to support the love of his life despite getting completely cut off, Dean felt a sense of pride and accomplishment in himself.
He felt like he was worth something, because everyone including God himself knows how Dean Winchester thinks of himself. A proud smile tugged at his lips, his loving gaze never leaving Y/N’s face.
"I'll do whatever it takes” Dean said tenderly, squeezing her hand again. She giggled lightly at this, resting her own beer down besides his, “I know you will, and that's one of the many reasons why I love you” Y/N said softly as she brought her hand up to cup Dean’s cheek, he automatically leaned into her touch, nuzzling into her hand like a kitten.
“And I love you too, more than anything" he replied tenderly, placing a soft kiss on her palm. “Besides, Adrienne was always his golden child” Y/N said with a bitter tone and a scoff as she pulled away. Dean furrowed his brows, confused by the new name she had mentioned. "Who's Adrienne?" he asked quizzically, his curiosity piqued.
“My little sister.” Y/N said as if Dean was supposed to know that, rolling her eyes. His eyes widened in surprise. Y/N had a little sister??? His mind then went back to the little girl in the pictures at his mom’s house, that must've been Adrienne.
“The one who tried to sleep with you last time she was in town” Y/N added bitterly. "It's always been ‘Adrienne this, Adrienne that’ “ she imitated her father's voice. Dean's smile dropped as he processed Y/N's words.
He couldn't recall the interaction with her sister or any prior mention of her, but the idea of anyone trying to come between them made him feel rather possessive.
"She tried to what?! ” Dean exclaimed, a hint of anger in his tone. "Relax, baby” Y/N chuckled as she placed a soothing hand on his chest. "You shut her down pretty quick, if I recall. You drunkenly said I was ‘the one’ and then proceeded to scream your lungs out at her, I think I’m safe” she replied, amused by his reaction.
“It's why you put a ring on it” Y/N teased, gesturing to her engagement ring, admiring it in her hand. Dean smirked as he watched Y/N admiring the ring on her finger. "I knew it would look good on you" he said with a hint of admiration in his voice. Seeing her wear the physical symbol of their commitment filled him with a sense of contentment and belonging.
“I’ll never forget you kneeling down in that stadium while Bon Jovi was playing ‘All About Lovin’ You’ and you asking me to marry you.” Y/N reminisced, resting her head on Dean’s shoulder. A warm smile played on Dean's lips as Y/N recounted the proposal. Even without his memory of it, he could tell it must’ve been special.
The fact that he had chosen such a romantic setting because he was never a huge Bon Jovi fan but Y/N loved the band’s music. The fact that he chose something so close to her heart filled him with a sense of satisfaction. "That sounds like a pretty perfect moment" he said, a hint of longing in his voice.
"You were so nervous" Y/N chuckled. "You kept shaking your hands and your leg kept bouncing up and down," she added, recalling the proposal with a fond look. Dean shook his head with a mock frown, "Shut up" he muttered playfully. “You know….I get it” Dean said softly, tracing circles on her hip with his thumb.
Y/N hummed in response, enjoying the feeling of his touch on her skin. "Get what?" she asked curiously, lifting her head from his shoulder to look at him. “Why you’re the one,” Dean responded, connecting his eyes with hers, this gaze filled with love and admiration. Y/N felt a warm sensation in her chest as she returned his gaze, his eyes so full of love and tenderness. "Oh, really?” she asked, teasing him a bit.
Dean grinned as he nodded, attaching his lips to hers. Y/N let out a small gasp of surprise, which soon melted into a soft moan as she returned the kiss eagerly. The way he took charge sent a shiver of anticipation down her spine, her heart hammering in her chest.
Dean's hand on her hip began to wander, gently caressing her body through the thin fabric of her clothing. His other hand moved to cup her face, tilting her head to deepen the kiss. There was a voice at the back of his mind that was screaming at him to stop, telling him this wasn’t right as Y/N straddled him.
Dean's mind waged a war with itself, her presence in his lap both tantalizing and guilt-inducing. He wanted her, craved her, and yet he couldn't shake the nagging thoughts that told him it was wrong, Dean couldn’t bring himself to do it just yet.
He pulled back from the kiss, panting lightly as he looked up at Y/N. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips slightly swollen and parted in a gasp. "We gotta stop,” he said quietly, his voice filled with both desire and restraint. Dean brought his lips to her neck, “Mhhmm” Y/N panted, groaning slightly as she rocked her core against his growing erection.
Dean stifled a moan as she rocked against him, his hands on her hips gripping just a bit tighter. "We gotta stop..” he repeated, though his body was clearly at odds with his words. “I know, I know, i've got work” Y/N sighed, placing a gentle kiss on his lips.
Dean returned the kiss, his fingers moving to run through her hair, the silky strands slipping through his fingers. "You gotta work now?” he asked, his voice thick with desire but also confusion because it was nearly midnight. “I told you, I’ve got the night shifts on Thursday” Y/N responded as she reluctantly peeled herself away from him and headed over to the closet.
Dean’s brows furrowed as he picked up his beer from the table and followed behind her, “You work nights at the uh…” He began as he stepped into the closet to see Y/N with a hanger in her hand, nurse scrubs attached to them, “…hospital.” He finished, an impressed grin on his face. “I’m engaged to a nurse. That is so respectable….and hot” Dean muttered to himself as he eyed Y/N’s ass while taking a sip of his beer.
He wondered to himself why Y/N decided to go into nursing due to the fact she always had a love for music, but Dean shrugged it off.
______________________________________________
Authors Note: Okay soooo, Tumblr told me that my post was too long so I had to split this into two parts.
Part Two Here!
Taglist: @hjgdhghoe @rach5ive @tiggytaylor @star-yawnznn @quarterhorse19
@deangirl96 @bitchykittenconnoisseur @globetrotter28 @hobby27 @mrsjjkwinchester
@juwu-theliciosa @magiccliopleurodon @nesnejwritings @karrah89 @whattheduckisupkyle
@iloveyou2mia @thelittlelightinthedarkness @lmhf1 @littletomboy2 @zigzoggy
@hey-its-zoe @modiddys-blog @thvxr @tommysaxes @cookiemonstermusic258
Xoxo
#dean winchester#supernatural#spn#sam winchester#dean and sam#sam and dean#supernatural fandom#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester fanfiction#dean winchester x you#dean x reader#supernatural fanfiction#supernatural reader insert#dean girl#dean winchester x female!reader#supernatural tv show#x reader#dean winchester fic#dean winchester fan fiction#the winchester brothers
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Three Words
Another Buck/Tommy fic! (Not a Bean one though, one will be out soon 😉)
Summary: Tommy has been waiting months to hear Buck say those three words. (I love you)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
When they first started dating, Tommy told Buck that they could take their relationship at whatever pace he wanted.
And he meant that wholeheartedly.
Sure, things got a little rocky after that first date, but they got through it. It was all cleared up by the second.
They were going strong. Their relationship was going strong. Their relationship was going places Tommy had never thought it would go.
Further than Tommy thought his pathetic love life would go with anyone.
After their second date (if you could call it that), at the coffee shop, they sort of came to an unspoken agreement that they would go at Buck’s pace. Tommy just hadn’t expected that to mean they would be fucking each other in bed less than 24 hours later and Buck would be dragging Tommy around Maddie and Chimney’s wedding. (No one had told him that Buck’s sister was engaged to Chimney!)
Both Eddie and Bobby had told him that Buck liked to do things fast, he didn’t really understand how fast they meant at the time, but he had no problem with it.
Later, Hen and Karen might have threatened him a little at the medal ceremony, but backed off when Tommy told them he was going at Buck’s pace.
So for the next six months, that was what Tommy did, go at Buck’s pace. When Buck wanted to introduce Tommy to his parents, he went ahead with him.
When Buck gave Tommy a key to his loft, Tommy gave Buck a key to his house.
When Buck asked if Tommy minded if Jee joined them on their hike up a mountain because both her parents were called into a shift at the last minute, Tommy carried her on his shoulders the entire way.
When Buck hinted at wanting to move in together, Tommy was quick to tell him that he would start moving the furniture in his house for when Buck was ready.
Tommy was fine with going at Buck’s pace. Really, he was.
There was just one thing though.
In the last six months, he had fallen hard for Buck, and he meant hard.
He didn’t think that any of his past relationships have even gotten close to how he felt for Buck now.
He loved Evan Buckley, from his little birthmark on his adorable face, to his marvelous body, to his penchant for research binges, to his laugh, to his cooking skills, to his everflowing loving heart for everyone around him.
He loved Evan Buckley, now he just needed to figure out how and when to tell him.
He thought about how and when to do it for so long, Tommy started questioning himself.
What would Buck do if Tommy said it?
Tommy had told Buck he would go at Buck’s speed? What if this was too fast for him? This would bring a new stage to their relationship. What if Buck wasn’t ready for this? Should he just wait until Buck was ready? Until Buck said those three words first?
He eventually over-thought it as he did a lot of things like this, over-thinking it enough, they reached and passed their six month anniversary.
🔶 🔶 🔶 🔶 🔶
The ending credits of Jurassic Park scrolled past on the screen, Tommy looked down at Buck’s head resting on his chest. The man was passed out and spread across him. He swore that would be the last time he let Buck pick a movie out, he always fell asleep halfway through them. Tommy always told himself that everytime this happened, but he always let Buck pick out the next movie anyway.
Tommy smiled and continued slowly rubbing the hand that he had on Buck’s back. He blinked and then looked at the clock across the room. It was late, neither of them had work the next morning, but they still had plans. He needed to get to sleep soon. The remote to turn the TV off was in reach, but the lightswitch to turn off the overhead lights?
In instances like these, Tommy really wished he had Buck’s ability to fall asleep no matter the lighting conditions. It was too bright for him right now. But at the same time, Tommy knew his boyfriend was a light sleeper. If he got up now to walk the three feet to the lightswitch on the wall, Buck would wake up and it would be at least an hour of activities before either of them went to sleep again.
Maybe he shouldn’t listen to Eddie and just bite the bullet and buy a Hildy. Those things can’t be that bad. He’d be able to ring it up to turn off the lights without getting out of bed.
Tommy carefully got out of bed, moving the pillows around to disturb Buck as little as possible.
He wasn’t successful.
“Tommy?” Buck’s sleep filled voice asked as Tommy flipped the lightswitch to send the room into darkness.
“Shh,” Tommy hushed. “Just turning off the lights, go back to sleep.”
“Hmm,” Buck hummed unhappily as Tommy returned to bed, getting under the covers as pulling Buck back to where he was sleeping on his chest.
It was quiet for a couple moments, Tommy was just about to fall asleep into deep oblivion when he heard Buck speak.
“I love you,” Buck mumbled into Tommy’s ear. Hearing those words, Tommy tensed and turned his head to look into Buck’s eyes. He couldn’t exactly see them right now, it was too dark, but he could feel the stare.
Those weren’t words Buck mumbled half asleep or only half paying attention. He meant those words.
He loved Tommy.
“Oh, thank God,” Tommy mumbled as he angled his neck and kissed Buck on the top of his head.
Buck hummed in slight confusion and he went up onto an elbow and looked down at Tommy, silently asking for an explanation of what Tommy meant by that comment.
“I’ve been waiting weeks for you to say that,” Tommy said as he sat up and quickly moved around Buck, pinning him onto the bed lying on his back.
“Oh?” Buck hummed, taunting him.
It seemed Buck would be getting exactly what he wanted that night.
Tommy leant down. “I love you too,” he mumbled into Buck’s ear before he pulled him into a deep kiss.
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Weekly tag Wednesday
This week - tell me about a day in the life of: Name: Kat
Age: two noshos minus a couple of years
Are you in school, do you work full-time, or other? Work full-time… for now.
Tell me about your morning routine on a school/work day: Wake up about 45 minutes before work, get up and do a few basics, meds, then back to bed to scroll for 20 minutes or so. Grab some breakfast and down the hall to the office.
What do you usually have for breakfast? That one really varies. I’m not a huge breakfast eater, and I get bored of the same foods quickly, so I switch it up a lot. Lately it’s been bagels and cream cheese though.
How many breaks do you take during the day? I take a 30 minute lunch, and usually step away for 5 minutes a couple of other times. I really should take my full allocation of legal breaks!
Do you go straight home when you are done? Well, I work from home so it’s almost impossible not to….
Do you like to go out in the evening? Not so much on work days. I try to save my social battery for the weekends.
Do you cook dinner or order in? I order in more than I should these days, but there are no spoons for cooking at the moment.
How do you entertain yourself in the evenings? I watch more TV than I should, poke around online, write when I can muster up the energy.
And finally, tell me about your bedtime routine: I procrastinate going to bed for as long as I can manage. But then it’s into my pajamas, brush my teeth, put my hair up, and under the covers to scroll for half an hour or so. Thanks for coming along for this little visit into my simple and boring life!
Tags under the cut.
@deedala, @michellemisfit, @spookygingerr, @energievie, @gallapiech
@heymacy, @jrooc, @blue-disco-lights, @thepupperino, @crossmydna
@creepkinginc, @suzy-queued, @francesrose3, @such-a-barbarian, @suchagallabitch
@too-schoolforcool, @callivich, @gallawitchxx, @heymrspatel, @guinguin1984,
@rayrayor, @palepinkgoat, @abigailspinach, @nymacron, @transsexual-dandelions
@stocious, @lingy910y, @starry-nights-17, @spacerockwriting, @spoonfulstar
@gardenerian, @kiennilove, @wehangout, @sam-loves-seb, @sgtmickeyslaughter
@wehangout, @deathclassic
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Hello! Could I have a head canon or drabble (which ever you feel more inspired to do/makes sense) for Sandor x Stark!fem!reader for what things might have been like if she’d gone with him when he was leaving during the Battle of the Blackwater? Thank you friend, I appreciate it! 💛🙏
(yes of course! I feel like both work so this is headcanons plus a bonus drabble x I love Sandor so always got to do the most for him! enjoy!)
(also it's been forever since I watched this show so this is definitely not accurate events for the Battle of Blackwater episode lol)
(Sandor Clegane x fem Stark reader - warnings for typical Game of Thrones stuff, slight angst but mostly fluff)
King's Landing had always been dangerous, especially for people like you and Sandor. You knew it better than anyone after the things your family had gone through at the hands of the king.
Sandor had also tasted the cruelty that Joffrey was capable of, and neither of you were keen to exacerbate it.
Which is why you'd spent months dancing around feelings for each other.
You were lucky that Joffrey had set his sights on Sansa rather than yourself, but as a Stark it was too much of a risk to openly court Sandor. No matter how badly you wanted to.
You also wouldn't dare risk causing him harm in that way. You knew any associates of yours would sooner or later be targeted by the Lannisters.
Sandor was usually your escort in the Red Keep. No doubt the king found it amusing to have his dog guarding the wolf. He was quiet and brooding, but seemed to enjoy your presence at least a little, though you couldn't be sure whether you had imagined the tension between you. Aside from that, you weren't certain of his feelings until the Battle of the Blackwater.
You were far too stubborn to allow yourself to be corralled into a safehold with the women and children.
Fortunately, Cersei didn't much care about your fate should you be caught in the consequences of the battle, so you remained in your room in the keep.
Truthfully, you were waiting for Sandor. You didn't know whether he would return or not, but you couldn't sit around and do nothing while he fought.
You busied yourself with gathering your essential belongings, in case of needing to flee in an emergency, until a blaze lit up the horizon through your window.
You just prayed that he was alright...
Your nervous pacing was enough to occupy yourself until you heard thundering footsteps from the hall. Fuck. You had no way to defend yourself if someone should come to take you, and it was far too late to hide now, and-
The door burst open.
And it was him.
He looked a little worse for wear, but mostly unharmed, and you practically threw yourself at him knowing he was alive.
Not quite registering how he froze up in surprise for a moment, you wrapped your arms around him tightly, just needing to feel him there despite the armour that stood between you. His hand moved to your shoulder as you pulled away, much gentler than you'd expected him to be.
"I'm leaving."
Your heart dropped.
"...Oh."
You blinked back the tears that were threatening to form and swallowed your pain as best you could. "Where will you go?"
"Anywhere. Anywhere's better than this fuckin' city."
You nodded and looked down, not knowing what else to say without betraying your feelings.
"Little wolf." His fingers hooked under your chin to make you look up at him, with eyes clouded by tears. "You'd miss an old dog that much?"
Your voice seemed to shrink as a tear rolled down your cheek. "I just... I don't want you to go..."
Sandor brushed it away with his thumb and smiled, almost imperceptibly, but it was there. "Do you really think I'd leave you to the lions? You're coming with me."
In that moment, Sandor felt he could live in the way your eyes brightened.
"You really mean that?"
"Get your things. I'm not staying here long enough for them to find us."
You grabbed your bag of essentials that was already lying on your bed, breathing out a laugh and shrugging when Sandor raised an eyebrow at your preparedness.
"Maybe I was hoping you'd come back for me."
"Always will, little wolf."
The gentle feeling of your lips against his cheek sent warmth through his body, and Sandor was determined to not let you out of his sight again if this was the reward.
#game of thrones x reader#game of thrones#game of thrones imagine#game of thrones x y/n#sandor clegane x reader#sandor clegane#sandor x reader#sandor x you#sandor x y/n#sandor clegane imagine#the hound x reader
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An Angel All My Own P-2
Simon Riley x reader
Cw: brief mention of knives and guns, fluff
The day had been absolute garbage. It must have been a full moon because every customer that came in seemed to have a stick up their ass. You spent the day calming down entitled jerks and cleaning up after your coworkers. For working in a bakery, you would think they would know how to frost a cake.
When the end of your shift finally came, you couldn't have been happier to leave. You quickly grabbed your purse and jumped in your car. It was a bit of a drive back to your house but you didn't mind. It gave you time to listen to music and unwind. Once you got to the edge of town the houses got farther apart and trees got more dense. The long road to your house was dark and the wind blew eerily. The trees swayed, creaking and groaning. The moonlight cast long shadowy tendrils across the ground. This was the one downside to living out here. No one could hear you scream.
You push those thoughts down and turn into your driveway. You park on the lawn and lock your car. You practically sprint into the house before slamming and locking the door behind you. You flip on the lights. The golden glow of the lamps helps to ease your nerves. You hang up your bag and make your way into the kitchen.
It was nearly ten pm and you still needed to make yourself something for dinner. You rummage through your fridge and cupboards before settling on ramen. You have some leftover greens from a stir fry you made and decide to throw those in there as well. You put the broth and a few eggs into a pot to boil for a while.
With your food cooking, you head upstairs to get into pajamas. You find some cozy pants and a shirt that smells almost clean. It's good enough, you think as you pull the shirt over your head. You drag yourself back downstairs, your feet aching. "Once I have dinner, I'm going to bed," you say to yourself.
You flip on the television before shuffling your way back to the kitchen. The eggs are finished boiling so you turn the heat off and add in your veggies and noodles. You put the lid on the pot to let them steep a little. The tv gives you a decent distraction and you find yourself falling into the lull of your nighttime routine. You turn to grab a bowl out of the cupboard when an abrupt knock nearly makes you drop it.
You make your way to the front door, grabbing a kitchen knife as you go. You weren't expecting any visitors. No one should be out here this late. You cautiously peer through the peep hole, a large dark frame filling your view. You flip on the front porch light to get a better look. Ghost glances up as you turn the light on. You breathe a sigh of relief and unlock the door.
"Hello, Ghost. Sorry, you scared me. Did something happen?," you ask, worried maybe something had happened to Price.
"I need a place to stay tonight. Price said you might have room," he grumbles. He seems nervous, shifting his weight back and forth. Price hadn't said anything to you about Ghost coming over. You made a mental note to chew him out for it later.
"Of course. Come on in," you welcome. Ghost steps into the house and stands awkwardly in the entryway. He glances over to see your still shaking hand holding a knife. He tenses briefly before seemingly remembering where he is and relaxing.
"You should really get a hand gun if you're going to be living out here alone," he remarks.
"I would but I don't have a safe. Besides, I'm not really sure how to handle a gun," you reply. He just nods. The two of you stand there in silence for a moment. You're not entirely sure what to say.
"Um, are you hungry?," you finally ask. Ghost nods again. "Well I just made some ramen if you'd like some," you offer.
"Yes please," he breathed.
"Feel free to make yourself at home. Change the channel to whatever you'd like. I'll go get dinner," you urge. You scurry back to the kitchen and grab another bowl from the cupboard. All you wanted was to go to bed. Now you're stuck playing host to a man you barely know. Why did life have to be so unfair? You dish out ramen into each bowl and add the eggs on top. You sprinkle on a little cilantro as a garnish before going to serve it.
"Careful, it's hot," you warn, handing Ghost the bowl. He's sitting in the chair near the corner of the room. Ghost gently takes the bowl from you. He seems to hesitate for a long moment. You watch as he brings a hand up to his mask and then lowers it again. Something clicks in your brain and before you can stop yourself you're blurting out ,"You don't have to eat with me if you don't want to. You can always eat in your room."
He shakes his head. He lifts his hand again and pulls down the mask. You feel your breath hitch. He had a deep scar twisting from the corner of his mouth up towards his ear. Another scar stuck straight down across his lips and down his chin. A third pulled at the skin underneath his left eye. You could see there were several smaller ones littering his skin.
He was stunning. He looked like something out of a Tim Burton film, in all the best ways. Soft pink lips that stuck out in a pout and long silvery eyelashes. His pale skin lined with purple webs, his deep brown eyes that seemed to notice everything. Like noticing you noticing him.
You quickly avert your gaze, your cheeks heating rapidly. You take a bite of noodles and try to clear your mind. He was hesitant to take his mask off in the first place, you staring at him probably didn't help. You guessed he was probably self-conscious of his scars. Based on the way he wore a mask and kept his head down, he seemed to prefer not to show them. You could understand why but they looked so beautiful to you. You thought he should show them off more. You briefly wondered what caused them. In all likelihood, they were won after countless brushes with death. Some part of you wanted to ask him how he got the scars. How he had eluded death. You wanted to know all his stories. You hardly knew the guy. You knew he couldn't be too bad, after all, Price trusted him alone here with you. But besides both of you knowing Price, you knew nothing about the man sitting across from you.
You watch him bring a spoonful of broth to his lips and gently blow on it before slurping it up. The two of you continue to eat in silence. The soft murmur of the tv fills the room. Ghost was so quiet you scarcely heard him breathe. You glance up just to make sure he really was breathing. You're shocked to see him finishing off the rest of his broth. He basically inhaled that whole bowl. Well, he was a big man and in the military at that. They probably don't get home cooked meals very often.
"Would you like more? I don't have any more ramen but I have some leftover chicken. I can heat that up," you suggest. Ghost seems to think about it before sheepishly nodding his head. You smile and get up to reheat the chicken. Maybe the barge sitting in your living room wouldn't be so bad. He seemed more like a shy school boy than a big, grown military man. You smile to yourself. He sort of reminded you of a Mastiff. They look mean but are about the biggest softies you can find. You plate the chicken and walk back to the living room. Ghost is looking at one of the small shelves on the wall, picking up the little trinkets and inspecting them. He nearly drops a little ceramic bunny when you come back in the room. He quickly puts it back and turns around. The tips of his ears begin to turn pink and you can't help but laugh. Yep. A big softie.
Taglist: @smileykiddie08
Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list. Thanks for reading!
#sharkyshitposts#cod x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#ghost x reader#simon ghost riley#simon riley x you#simon riley x reader#cod fluff#cod x you
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Meant to be
Hi everyone, just to remind you that my first language is not English hihi
No smut(yet) just a cute fluff
“Finally, im going to tell you that you have to make a presentation about what we talked about today with a partner by the end of the next week.” The teacher speaks as I sigh,
I see fellow students looking at their friends because they want to work together.
I wasn't very popular, I didn't have many friends in class. I had Chris and Nick as friends, but they weren't in my class but their brother was, Matt. he is also a friend of mine but i think he is not as interested in me as nick and chris are,
mostly because he has a girlfriend and she thinks that me and Matt shouldn't be friends because I'm a girl, I think that's stupid and I think she should trust Matt more. she is in the same class as me btw.
“okay guys be quiet because I choose the groups” the teacher speaks.
I was happy because I think if we were allowed to choose I would be left alone.
the groups are chosen and matt's girlfriend is put with a boy and I see that she immediately starts flirting with him but matt doesn't see that. she doesn't deserve matt. And it makes me angry
After a few other students are put together, Matt and I are left and we are put together. I don't really care because I am happy that at least I have been put together with a person who I know better than the rest in my class.
I look at Matt and see that he is looking behind him at his girlfriend who is looking at him with an irritating look as if it was his fault that he has to work with me.
“That's it for today, have fun and enjoy your weekend" The teacher speaks.
I walk out of class wanting to say something to Matt but I see him walking with his stupid girlfriend, I roll my eyes and walk in the other direction knowing that I will see him in the weekend.
✧・゚: *✧・゚: *・゚✧*・゚: *✧・゚: *・゚✧*:・゚✧
I come home tired and rush up the stairs to my room and plop down on my bed as quickly as I can, I fall asleep.
After an hour I am woken up by my ringing phone i pick up "finally, I've been waiting for hours for you to pick up" "nick?" I say in a sleepy voice not hearing who I was on the phone with "no stupid! it's Chris"
“ohh hi, what’s up” i asked him
“Oh nothing.. I'm just bored and would like to watch a movie with you” he says
“Okay..on my way!” I say happily
I put on a gray top with gray sweatpants, I didn't wear a bra underneath, knowing that I feel very comfortable with them so I didn't care. I grabbed my keys and left
Chris,Matt and Nick live on the same street so I didn't have to walk that far before I was already there.
I knocked on the door and Chris opened it and he hugged me and says "I missed you" I say "I missed you to" as I walk inside
“What movie you wanne watch?” He says
“ohh i want a horrormovie” i smile at him
We are now lying together under a blanket, with my face resting on my shoulder, almost falling asleep.
until I hear some screaming from upstairs, it was a girl and Matt arguing "who is that" I say in a sleepy voice, knowing for sure who it was
"it's Matt and his girlfriend, god I hate her.. Matt has been so stressful lately because of her" Chris says “yeah i feel bad for him too, i saw her flirting with another guy today” i say as Chris rolled his eyes.
We continue watching the movie again.
less than 10 minutes later, Matt's girlfriend storms downstairs leaving the house
me and chris look at her with wide eyes
We look at each other and try to ignore it until Matt comes down the stairs with a sigh and plops down next to us looking tired.
“You good bro” Chris asked him.
“no man, I hate her so much and I'm really done with it, she's selfish and she's way too jealous, every time I even stand next to a girl she gets angry” Matt says with angry voice
“I get you Matt, today she was even flirting with a boy from our class, can you believe that?…you deserve better Matt" I say
Chris says "you broke up with her, right?”
“Yhea..don't worry, I'm definitely not going to let myself treat like that” Matt says
“Wanne watch a movie with us” I say as I get up to get some snacks “yhea” Matt says
I come back with some ships in a bowl and I sit among the brown-haired boys we continue watching the movie until I feel myself drifting off to sleep. Matt realizes that my head is resting on his shoulder and starts blushing.
Matt was so happy and relieved that he had broken up with his girlfriend, that he no longer cared that he was blushing for his friend, he felt me move in my sleep placing my leg over his lower body. now me cuddling him in my sleep as if it were my bed pillow
he feels himself getting harder when he feels my nipples through my t-shirt on his chest
Matt now blushing even harder,
“ahw look how cute” chris says to matt as he takes out his phone and takes a picture of us, not knowing it was with a flash. "oops" chris says giggling "shhh" matt shushed chris as I woke up,
not knowing what was happening and I looked into Matt's eyes then I realized that I was almost lying on top of him with my whole body, cuddling him like a baby.
“Omg!… i-i ueh im sorry Matt” i stood up blushing crazy at him. Matt giggled when he saw me blush "its okay you just fell a sleep" he says "yhea hugging him like you are a little baby" chris says when i try to hit him with my hand but he protects himself with his own hands.
“Im to tired for this Chris i wanne go sleep ” i say rubbing my eyes “yhea maybe you can go sleep with matty” he laughed at me as i try to find my shoes
I mean i would’t mind hehe
I just rolled my eyes at him going to the kitchen for a glass of water “you know you can sleep here, i mean nick is out of town so his bed is free”
“No,no its okey” i say while giving them one last big hug knowing i will see them tomorrow…
“goodnight” “see you tomorrow” they say as i walked away from the house to my own
thinking about what i'm going to do tomorrow with chris and matt knowing that it will be a bit fun and even more fun now that I know that Matt is single again and I no longer have to adhere to a distance rule from his stupid ex
To be continued…
✧*:・゚✧*:・゚✧*:・゚✧*:・゚✧*:・゚✧*:・゚✧
#matt sturniolo smut#sturniolo smut#matthew sturniolo#matt sturniolo#matt stuniolo fanfic#matt fluff#chris sturiolo fanfic#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo fluff#sturniolo triplets
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don't mind if i do.....
there are still beautiful things by @meidui
The day Tony takes Steve home from the New York Army National Guard is the best day of his life.
the hope that kills you (series) by @meidui
Steve used to go on so much about freedom and choice. If we sign this, we surrender our right to choose. Some of the freedom he loved was big, big enough for him to lay his life down for over and over, and some of the freedom he loved was small, like the wind in his hair when he took his motorcycle out, but now he has to sob and take it when Tony sucks a deep flowering bruise where his prison uniform couldn’t possibly cover and whispers in his ear, “Who’s gonna help you now? Where are you gonna run?”
The Prize by @sabrecmc (HOWWWW IS THIS NOT ON ANY OF THESE LISTS YET)
Steve ends up as a concubine in the royal harem.
Deep End by @festiveferret
SHIELD has found a way to make Project Rebirth work - something Tony's father was never able to accomplish. An unexpected side effect has Fury begging Tony for some rather unusual help: the painful procedure has put their volunteer, a sub called Steve Rogers, so deep into subspace he can't come up on his own.
Tits Aren't Just For Ladies by Dr_Amuly ( @everybodyilovedies)
Tony fucks Steve's tits (man-tits, no genderswap or implants or anything).
(Not for) Public Consumption by Poose
“Can’t you like, I don’t know, do a little pirouette for me, sweetheart?” He shuffles backwards cautiously, glancing over his shoulder to avoid hitting the wall. There’s a chair back there, he should sit in it before his legs give out. Steve cocks his head, hand on his hip. He puts his front foot at angle to the one in back and executes a tired swing around. You’d think he’d like the attention a bit more. Tony may have to goad it out of him. “Steve, seriously, you’re like a bored stripper.” And then, suitably affronted, Steve takes another turn, more slowly, so that Tony can pan down and zoom in on his ass from a slightly lower angle. *** Or, Steve and Tony make a sex tape. Exactly as sophisticated as it sounds. A non-powered AU of another AU that I haven't written yet. Contains zero plot.
Surrender Yourself by xWinterDreamsx
Tony has Steve tied up in ropes for some kinky fun.
Some Great Reward by @kiyaar
After the events of Captain America: Civil War, Tony and Steve come to an agreement. It doesn't involve affection.
Come on Closer by @epiphanyx7
[[... porn.]] Or, the one where Steve wants to talk to Tony about something important.
Leave Your Marks Written Upon My Skin by blue_jack ( @some-blue-jack)
“I want you to keep your hands right here, alright?”
Keep Us Warm, Tonight by @copper-mouth
Steve and Tony often keep late hours together when sleep won't come to either of them. Tonight is shaping up to go a little differently, however.
Working Late by @tinystark616
Some nights, Tony stays up late, building and rebuilding and upgrading his suits, until Steve walks into the workshop, usually already in his pajamas, and wraps his arms around Tony, kissing him until he forgets what he was doing and then dragging him to bed. A fill for the prompt "Steve sits in Tony's lap and rides him" from last year's Community Gifts prompt list. Because there's really not enough bottom!Steve in the world.
Ship to Shore by @mserm
The Avengers beat Thanos. Everyone is safe. (If you don’t count those five days they thought Natasha was dead.) All that’s left is to return the stones, a feat that Tony is sure will end his new friends-with-benefits relationship with Steve.
Consecration of the Virgin by @dracusfyre (sequel to The Penitent Man)
Steve gives his body into Tony's keeping. For the good of his soul, of course.
In The Springtime of His Voodoo by shaenie
“I’m removing Captain Rogers from this base, but not from active duty. I want him as SHIELD’s liaison to Stark Industries first and foremost. He’ll report directly to me,” Fury says. “As it is, your identity as Captain America is not public knowledge and it will remain that way until I say otherwise. That said, if you think you can get Tony Stark to work with you if you disclose that information, you have permission to do so.”
heyyy!i just saw u reblog an ask and it just happened to be the exact same thing I wanted to ask👉👈 do u have and recommend stony fics that are top Tony/bottom Steve 🥺
you know i do!! see also k's rec list and bulky's rec list, i tried not to rec any that were already on their lists <3
Jackpot by @elcorhamletlive
It’s not always like this.
Tony leans back on the bed, assessing his view. Near the door, balanced on his knees, Steve stares at him with half-lidded eyes, blue eyes darkened under those beautiful eyelashes. His blonde bangs stick a little to his forehead, where a glimmer of sweat is evidence of how long he’s been in that position: knees firmly planted on the rug of Tony’s bedroom, naked aside from a pair of cotton black briefs, hands tied up behind his back, exactly as Tony left him this morning. He breathes heavily, his muscular chest going up and down as he watches and waits.
Doubling Up (Steve) by @elcorhamletlive
“Well,” Tony drawls, his gaze going from the bed to where Steve, and, uh, Tony are standing, next to the small pile where Steve’s shirt lies along with his trousers. “This is awkward.”
Chamber of Reflection by @thahiree
A few years after retiring, Steve and Tony get a surprise visit from another Steve. Steve Rogers from Earth 1610 is lost, grappling with the new century he’s been unceremoniously dropped in, with confusing feelings for his new teammate, with himself.
Steve and Tony decide to get involved.
A Proportional Response by @mserm
Steve doesn't have a reason for cock-blocking Tony.
No reason, whatsoever.
It's Hard To Look Right At You, Baby by Albuss
“Woah,” Tony says, “slow down. Take it easy. Hold your horses.” He can be forgiven for saying the same thing four times because he is already completely, utterly wrecked.
“Fuck me,” Steve whispers. “Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me.”
Five Times Steve Woke Up Early (And One Time He Didn’t) by @airlocksandaviaries
Steve's not actually a morning person, despite his body's insistence. It's quite possibly the one thing about the serum he's not immensely grateful for. Forcing himself up and on a run to burn through the overwhelming, restless energy that builds bright and early would be much more tolerable if it were a few hours later. Tony decides to do something about this.
Underneath it All by @hollyandvice
Steve's finally ready to indulge Tony's fantasy of seeing him in a thong. He just has terrible timing when it comes to implementing sexy times. But that's alright, Tony's a master of making the best of a (not actually) bad situation.
the year you were mine by @areiton
The night that changes his life forever, Steve is on a date with another man.
Or: Steve is a pricy escort and Tony buys him for a year. Neither of them are doing this for love.
a thousand things you call me by @areiton
He calls you a thousand things, and you love them all, count them all and guard them close, because with each he calls you mine.
Your Reputation Precedes You by @vanilla-shoes
Tony agrees to watch the desk for the salon next door to his garage as a favor -- but when he meets the salon owner's fiery best friend Steve, maybe the favor is for Tony after all...
Brooklyn After Dark by darefanny
”I could do that”, Steve had said before his brain could catch up to his big, stupid mouth. He had leaned over Tony’s shoulder to look closer at a photo of a man in lingerie on his tablet.
Slow Burn Fireworks by felisnocturna
Tony fucks him incredibly slowly this time.
praise you like I should by @firebrands
steve gets de-serumed for a hot second, but tony's pretty quick to reassure him of all his lovely traits. (made even better by having to sleep in a shitty motel with a mirror on the bed.)
Suds 'n Studs by @fohatic
Tony didn't mean to hire some super hot, young guy to take his clothes off for money -- honestly! He just wanted somebody to wash his cars! But accidents happen when you let your AI do the hiring for you, apparently. Now the recent divorcee has an awkward apology to make. He also has as an invitation to subscribe to Steve's OnlyFans. What he doesn't have is any clue what he should do in this situation.
In Too Deep by @fohatic
Steve knew that he was asking for trouble when he agreed to let the gallery auction off a date with him for charity, but he needed to get in the director's good books if he wanted to make it as an artist in this cutthroat town. He never imagined that his participation would ignite an outrageous bidding war, or that the infamous, billionaire ex that he hadn't seen since their sudden breakup two years prior would show up and stake his claim.
the thorn in his side by @fohatic
It had been there from the beginning. There was no end to it, that mutual wanting between them—forever unresolved—that had grown so terribly soft and unbearably romantic with age...
But there was an unspoken rule between them, as well: an understanding that they could never act on it.
That is, until an alien parasite's brood nest gets violently dislodged from its Chitauri Leviathan host during the Battle of New York, dispersing its contents directly over two time-jumping tourists who are very much in the wrong place and the wrong timeline.
pull me down by breakeven
He doesn’t mean to pull, is just brushing through the locks there as a means of comfort, to show Steve that he’s still there and present with him, that Tony is just as affected by the wet grasp of Steve’s hole as Steve is by the insistent pressure against his prostate
wind me up by breakeven
Steve hadn’t known it, but apparently Tony could tell after the first time they ever fucked. He could see in Steve the need to please, the need to be of some sort of service, and had known that it would translate perfectly in sexual desires, even when Steve hadn’t had a clue himself.
honey from your hive by meidui
"Steve, stop that," Tony says, sounding strangled as his grip tightens and Steve stops, letting Tony grab his face and tilt him up. "You're kind of scaring the crap out of me. What is it? What's going on with you?"
"We blew up the lab," Steve manages, and something dawns on Tony's face. "Everyone had a reaction 'cept me. Think 'm having it now."
Blushes Per Hour by @blossomsinthemist
Steve chewed on his bottom lip. “Well, no,” he said. “Um, but.” He was breathing heavily now, through his nose. “Rachel liked it when I did it, because she has, uh, she has sensitive breasts, and I, um, err. Sometimes I’d pull on my own nipples during, or, or after, on my own, and. And I’d imagine—wonder, really, if I was. If I had enough, or—”
“Are you saying you’ve fantasized about this?” Tony said, and he couldn’t help the pure delight that came through in his tone, because had he actually stumbled onto one of Steve’s kinks, here? He’d never let on at all before, not at all.
Please Please Me by @blossomsinthemist
Steve looked so beautiful flushed and wanting, on his knees, begging.
Failing To Not Fall by @nvrthlessthsun
Steve was failing to not fall in love with Tony Stark.
AKA the one where Steve thinks he's Friends-With-Benefits with Tony, and Tony thinks he's dating Steve.
Paint Job by @valdomarx
“You want me to what?” Steve looked incredulous. “I want you to detail my car,” Tony said with a smirk.
Relax, Darling by @valdomarx
Steve is stressed and tense after a hard mission.
Luckily for him, Tony and his tongue are available to relax him in a variety of delightful ways.
Two’s Company, Three’s a Crowd, Four’s a Party by @valdomarx
How to satisfy the secret desires of a horny supersolider:
Ults Steve gets gangbaged by Tony from four different universes (Ults, MCU, AA and 616).
Mark Sixty-Nine by @everybodyilovedies
Tony is irritated that Steve's first hug-and-fly wasn't with him. As the source of many of Steve's other "firsts", Tony has a brilliant idea of how he could take one more. Specifically, Steve's first time being fucked by a machine.
Afternoon Delight by @greyduckgreygoose
Tony watched with narrowed eyes as Rogers nodded politely to Natasha. They exchanged quick, familiar smiles, which suggested that they knew each other better than the acquaintances they seemed to want Tony to think they were. Up close, Rogers was even more attractive than he had appeared on camera, a touch of blonde stubble along his jaw, large square hands.
He also had a nice ass, not that Tony was particularly staring.
“Mr. Stark,” Natasha said, as they both stood before Tony’s desk. “May I introduce Steve Rogers? Or, if you prefer, Captain America.”
The Sixth Time is the Charm by @onemuseleft
The fifth time Steve tried to get Tony to fuck him (and failed) is when he started taking it personally.
Your Kind of Love by blue_jack
The first time they have sex, Tony isn’t really hoping for much.
#BOTTOM STEVE FEAST INCOMING 🍴🤤🍴#(whoops just saw that bulky already rec'd 'in the springtime...' but yanno -- it deserves a duplicate rec!)#stony#fic rec#my fanfic#suds n' studs#in too deep#the thorn in his side
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EDYN TIDESTRIDER, CHALLENGER OF THE UNDERSEA, RIVAL OF THE DEEP. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR BROTHER WAS CHOSEN TO BE A WEAPON OF THE GODS? HOW WILL YOU UNDO WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO HIM?
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#edyn tidestrider#cw blood#EDYYYNNNN TTIDESTRIDERRR OHH HOW I LOVE HERRRR#THIS IS A PAGE FULLA REEAALLY OLD DOODLES AND REALLY REALLY OLD DOODELS AND NEW DOODLES. ENJOY.#ONLY CLEANED IT UP A BUNCH TTODAY AND IM ACTUALLY SO SO HAPPY W IT WEEEEE#WHAT WAS IT LIKE? DOWN IN THE UNDERSEA. TO VISIT YOUR BROTHER WHENEVER THE ADULTS WOULD LET YOU#A KID WHO DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS GOING ON OR WHY HER BROTHER WAS BEING TAKEN AWAY OR WHY HE KEEPS GETTING HURT#OR WHY THE ADULTS JUST KEEP LETTING IT HAPPEN. ITS FOR THE BEST? FATE OF THE WORLD AND ALL THAT? HEY WHO THE FUCK IS IN CHARGE HERE#HOW DO WE STOP IT. HOW DO I STOP IT. THERES PEOPLE OUT THERE WORKING ON SOMETHING. ARITIFICIAL LEVIATHAN YOU SAY?#WE COULD BUILD A THING TO RIVAL THE GODS. WELL. SIGN ME UP. IM GOING TO UNDO WHAT THEY DID TO YOU#WHAT A FASCINATING THING SHE ACTUALLY SAID. 'IM GOING TO UNDO WHAT THEY DID TO YOU' HELLO?? EDYN? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN#WHAT EXACTLY DID THEY DO TO HIM. OTHER THAN THE PROPHECY TRAINING. YOU CAN UNDO THAT? YOU CAN UNDO ALL THAT? HOW?? HELLO???#LIKE SURE I JUST SPOUTED MY THEORIES I THINK SHE WANTS TO KILL GOD BUT THATS JUSTA THEORY... A GA#WHAT IS EDYNS GOAL AND WHY CANT SHE TELL ANYONE OOUUUHHH EDYNNNN CMERE EDYNN CMERRE STOP WALKING AWAY CMERE. COME HERE.#fuuuuuck shes so mysteriousss what is she HIDING!!shes also so so so so angry i fucken know she is. shes so gentle and so sweet and timid#but she is ANGRY and shes SMART and clearly shes AMBITIOUS bc shes TALKING TO THE FUCKING BIG HEAD HONCHO O THE FUCKEN NNAAAVYYYYY#ALSO WHO IS NICHOLAS. IF THATS EVEN HIS REAL NAME. WHO DID YYYOU MEET EDYN. DO YOU HAVE A WISH TO BE GRANTED EDYN???#CHEWING ON THE BARS O MY CELL I NNNNEEEEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT EDYN IM SO CURIOUS IMG ONNA KILL PEOPLE#i said once in another post 'the oath an eldest sister takes on is on par w that of a paladins-#-and sometimes upheld w the very same ferocity'. I REALLY LIKED THAT LINE.#pleeese... if u can hear me.. pls join me and draw edyn w unbridled plasmatic rage abt the way her brother was treated by the Elders#also pls draw her SCARY. I NEED HER TO BE SSCARY. PLEEASEE I NEED HER TO BE JUST AS VIOLENT AS GILLION BUT INA ICE COLD WAY#JUST AS VIOLENT JUST AS STRONG JUST AS MUCH OF AN AQUATIC MONSTER. im sure u see the vision.#ok i gotta go t bed now i got work in tha morning n i should nnot be stayin up this late. if u hav thoughts abt edyn pls scream abt em#okay byyyyeee goodniiigihhttttt
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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i think i tapped on the explore page by accident some minutes ago, i've been scrolling for a good sec like 'why is this on my dash. i don't know any of these people. what's going on' lmfsvh
#just me hi#i was really scrolling like 'man i do i need to start unfollowing people' before i Realized something was Wrong hkdjvhgv#idek how i did that. for a moment i was in a poor (quality) alternate dimension hkfkshvj#//anywho 'm gonna be going to bed in a bit :)#12 is about the time i should go to sleep... but also i've been doing pretty well going to sleep late n waking up at pretty reasonable hour#turns out when i'm much better at managing my own sleep times than i thought! whodda thought after all this time hbfhsh#//mnmnm also i'm getting back into actually enjoying writing lol :33#took me a sec bc oooh has it been fooooreeeever bfsh !! but yea i'm figuring out how to like it again :>>#i had what i believe to be a reasonable amount of description for a scene(in hindsight anyway lmfsh) and was like 'ohh but is this annoying#and then the thought of 'oh wait. i'm writing for me and one other guy (also me)'#so it haaaas been pleasant :33#i'm trying to practice my pacing n stuff... my punctuation has gotten a bit rusty too so that as well :)#//oh i haven't worked on my background stuff...#year's almost done and i think i've done 1 full background i think. that's a bit crazy hkfshv#gotta make up for that !! it's gonna suck prolly but i'm gonna do it >:3#mmmmmmmmmmmmm yea i'll do that after the yellow piece tomorrow :>#i've already got some of the guidelines for that down so ~!!~#//ouh the tea Got Me#going to poof now.. tooodles .w./
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In case anybody wants a concrete example of what this can mean, over the past 24 or so hours, for me this has meant:
Spending a few hours each day on work that is neither too challenging nor too boring (made easier by the fact I am self-employed)
Doing a little studying for exams I have coming up
Watching four episodes of The Terror. (Brigdh, I am sorry to report that I was really enjoying it until I realized in episode 5 that it had a supernatural element and now I am unsure. Which is interesting, because the thing I really wanted to watch yesterday but couldn't locate on any of my services, Hereditary, does have one. Maybe I just don't like supernatural *surprises*?)
Going for a walk and wishing I could go swim in the water with the harbor seal (too cold, no wetsuit or spotter--harbor seals make terrible lifeguards).
Eating food. Tried to have a balance of "real food" with my comfort foods of toast and cheese sandwiches.
Reading and writing when I had a hard time falling asleep. The writing included complaining about the election.
Reminiscing about Spanish and Argentinian fascism with my mom
When I got up way too early, lying in bed and listening to E. Nesbit's The Magical World with my eyes closed, then reading Tumblr posts until it was closer to my normal wake up time.
Sending dumb cat posts to a friend who is not on Tumblr
Complaining about one of my clients to @coffeegleek
Playing with my cat.
This is not representative of what you should do. Most people do not have harbor seals in walking distance or mothers who lived in two different countries climbing their way out of dictatorships. Some people hate cheese sandwiches and horror movies. And some people would say that going on social media or staying up late to write a long list of horrible things that the president elect of the United States has done is bad for your mental health.
To me, the important thing is the "keep going" part. I might feel miserable; I might feel sad; I might think, "oh yay a harbor seal!" or "what a lovely day outside"; I might not have much of an appetite; I might do something productive; I might do something that is "a waste of time"; I might fall asleep or I might not.
It doesn't matter, as long as I keep going.
It's okay to not feel okay and to not feel hopeful. That is natural. It is not something you need to feel bad about or shake yourself out of.
It's been less than two days. It's okay to feel shitty and hopeless. It's also okay to feel hopeful, if that comes naturally to you.
I used to have a magnet on my fridge with a quote attributed to Winston Churchill. It said, "If you're going through hell, keep going."
That's all you need to do. You don't have to feel a certain way about it. Just keep going.
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Wverytime I sit down at a computer to make music I get so scared
#i like siting down with a guitar and writing music but the daw is still so scary to me and i dont know how to make it less scary#its like i dont know where to start#i understand music theory i can write chord progressions i can write melodies but arranging feels so daunting#like just trying to pick keyboard voices and stuff im like overwhelmed and then its like i just dont even know where to start#i think i need to do more covers to practice arranging because trying to do it with my own songs im just like i have NO IDEA#i do think that trying to recreate arrangements of other songs I like will help me but also just idk#i really want to get better at writing at the piano but i find it really hard#rn i write almost all my songs on the guitar then i guess what i have to do is try to think of like what style i want it to have#and sort of try to create a map like probably literally on paper and then try to go in and sort of do it but god its so hard i dont know#it feels so so daunting#even trying to make silly little stuff with just like some synths is really hard for me right now its so out of my comfort zone and AUGH id#its frustrating im scared of the computer but i also very much do not want to be an acoustic singer songwriter but thats all i can do#because all i can do is play fucking guitar!!!! and its just so frustrating#technically im like with a midi controller i should be able to do whatever program drums write little synth lines etc i dont have to like#know how to play piano and yet whenever i try to do it i just get so overwhelmed and freaked out with how many possibilities there are#that i just . cannnnnt#AHGHHHHHHHHHHHH im so im in such a bad mood right ow#ive had such a horrible night honestly#i think i will just go engage in fixation for comfort and then go to bed sigh#i dont know what to do to improve at making music in the daw i guess ill just maybe try again this weekend to take another crack at it#god its just so frustrating that i only started writing songs 2 years ago and have only learned to use a daw in the last 3 months i WISH#that i was one of these teenagers who spent all my time writing silly songs and playing around with a midi controller but i just didnt#because i was scared!!!!!!!#playing the guitar and singing has always been like the only thing that felt safe cos i felt if i tried to actually write and arrange songs#by myself i would fail so now i just feel so frustrated because i dont feel like a real musician and i feel like im starting too late#AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH whatever sorry for using the tags of this post as my diary but#i am frustrated!!!!
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YES FELLOW KAEYA ENJOYER 🙌🙌🙌🙌 I woukd LOVE to hear your thoughts its so hard to find anyone talking about all of kaeyas lore and implications
HI FELLOW KAEYA ENJOYER!!!!
Thank you so much! I have actually started the process of writing down my thoughts and even realized that, because of how much all of Kaeya’s lore and implications and references connect together, a mind map might actually be a better format for listen all of my thoughts than just a text post. But then, ah…I started the VERY rough draft for this mind map and I’m realizing it’s already getting so huge and complicated, I’m actually worried about whether or not I’ll be able to make it cohesive and readable.
I think that might be why it’s so hard to find anyone talking about ALL of Kaeya’s lore & myth connections & implications. THERE’S JUST SO MUCH!!! Kaeya, you have so much going on!!!! And, like, good for you, beloved, but it’s not easy for the theorists!
Anyways, in case anyone is curious, here’s a look at what I’ve got so far for the super-rough draft of a mind map for all my unhinged Kaeya lore thoughts:
Thank you for the nice message, anon!
#genshin impact#genshin kaeya#kaeya alberich#kaeya#I hope the text in that mind map is legible#I think it should be if you zoom in on it enough#there is so so much still missing#explanations connections sources other topics just a bunch of stuff I haven’t been able to put it yet#I could’ve probably added more but it’s late and I’m tired and my brain is fried as it is#if anyone has any tips on how to clean up a mind map so it’s more legible I’d be so grateful#or any alternative apps or websites for making mind maps#I’m using mimind so far and it’s pretty nice but not perfect#the fact I don’t have it on desktop bothers me because I can’t type as fast#this may have been a bad idea#this post of all my Kaeya lore thoughts will probably take so long#but it’d be worth it for him#anything for the blorbo#I really hope I don’t offend anybody with this#I probably don’t have reason to worry about it but I can’t help it I’m a socially anxious people pleaser#okay I’m going to bed now the brainpan needs recharging
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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